#i been up 24 hours im so anxious rn

[jamesbukkakebarnes]

🐸

[autisticelation]

i havent been on tumblr in a while but i just had such a huge shift in my life i need to talk about it (summary: i got an owner)

i was a bit lonely so my friend introduced me to his other friend (who sadly lives in the states while both of us live in europe) and we quickly clicked. we introduced eachother to our favorite games and hopped on call like in the first two hours since we started talking which was very unusual for me, considering i’m usually very shy when it comes to them, especially at first.

i watched him play games, we hanged out for a good few hours and we teased eachother a little bit, then he admitted to almost calling me a good boy which while unexpected, was very much welcome. he’s very gentle, charismatic, funny and always makes sure i feel comfortable with his jokes or actions, which while being the bare minimum still means a lot to me.

on the second day we got a little more personal and playful, which resulted in him calling me a puppy which was again, unexpected but welcome. at first i was very worried about weirding him out with my kinks considering a lot of people consider pet play to be a bit off, but he was very much okay with it and seemed into it. we talked for like good seven hours that day and he ended up calling me his puppy multiple times, but i was still very anxious about being a freak until he straight up asked me to bark for him !!!

then i realized how desperate i was for this kind of attention??? like someone calling me their puppy, having me bark for them and praising me for it, god it felt so good. not even saying it turned me on, because for me petplay is much more than just a sex thing which he understood and treats it the same way.

we’ve been on call with eachother for a good few hours (im talking 5-7 hours) for the past five days, with the exception of one (but we were texting a lot then anyway) so our connection quickly progressed. i was very anxious about everything at first, as i mentioned previously but it passed the moment he asked if i wanted to be his puppy, while he could be my owner. all while being friends!! which was perfect for me.

we hang out, play games together, talk about random stuff all while having that pet-owner relationship. i don’t believe it could be this way if he didn’t consider me his friend as well, because it just makes me feel safer in this arrangement especially considering how long our distance is. i’m not just something to get off to for him or anything (bc yes we did get sexual with this along the way lmao), we can chill together with no issue.

im propably getting excited over the most minor things as my friend who introduced us pointed out, but ive never had anything close to this. he double checks if im okay multiple times, makes sure im comfortable with things he tells me or orders me to do (even when i clarify i am, he loves to triple check) all while still having that dominant aura.

submitting and obeying him feels natural to me, it feels good and i just have the desire to do it any time no matter what. everything about him is just so attractive to me, everything i ever wanted in a friend as well as an owner.

and before you assume, both of us are aromantic so we are quite uncapable of catching feelings for eachother, which doesn’t devalue the fact we get along very well both as friends and as a pet/owner. we aren’t exclusive to eachother, the friend who introduced us is on it too so we are kind of having a threesome situation rn (even though it is clear im the puppy of the group 24/7 while my friend just switches, and even if hes more submissive as well i’m more submissive iykwm) and we have no problem with us seeing other people in the future because we are friends above everything else.

i have no rules or punishments and i always have the option to say no to every order he gives me, especially if its nsfw. he’s the softest dom i’ve ever seen in my life and is so happy that he has me, it’s insane, i’ve never felt more appreciated in my life. not to mention that even if i don’t know him that long, my friend knew him for months before this so i know i can trust him a little bit more.

so safe to say he sped run training me bc now i just bark for him without thinking and i giggle like a little bitch any time he calls me his pup or anything along those lines. i love him so much this is insane

[zarovich]

i wish i was skinny, im sick of this body

[goldenfharry]

“He’s distant, doesn’t show any personality and wont even thank his fans. Yeah he’s cute and can sing but so are many other artists.”

personally, i’ve been distancing myself from harry/1d for weeks now. ive deactivated my stan twitter accounts and unfollowed all harry UA, fan pages, etc. it’s been really refreshing and my life has actually gotten way less stressful compared to when i was on my phone 24/7 seeing if anything happened. kinda leaving harry behind made me realize there’s more to to life than wondering if H and O broke up yet, what festival he’s playing this time, details about his tour, what girl inspired his recent album…. things like that, ya know? i don’t think people realize that this isn’t what you should be spending hours being anxious about. i love harry and have for so many years but like the anon said, he’s distant (which is understandable) but he’s too distant to the point where i don’t even know who i’m a fan of anymore. i can call myself a casual fan because i love him and want him to succeed and will always support him but i don’t really listen to his music that much anymore either so can i really call myself that? lol

i check tumblr pr blogs maybe once every few weeks since im on here anyway and i see the weekly chaos and hysteria is brings to folks. truthfully it just serves as a reminder why i left his fandom in the first place. i suggest everyone takes a little break from it too.

I understand that love... I took a break from it in the beginning of all this and it made me wonders! Not from him or his song, from the stunt specifically. It also made me create my whole opinion about it now! I have my very own idea of what this is, so I don't panic anymore. I also don't search for updates about them, and I still have a life. But I'm balanced emotionally rn, so I don't feel the need to step back. So to everyone that is feeling that this is becoming too much, take a step back... I promise, it's really refreshing ✨

[peakatseven]

🎸 happiness, because this song is my spirit animal lol

And if you'd like you could do these too, I'm super indecisive so I couldn't shortlist oops. You don't have to do them all, I'm just horrible at choosing:

🌕 across our great divide, there is a glorious sunrise

📖 +📜 I'm curious

Congratulations on 700!!

u gave me a reason to go back and review some of what i already wrote for this novel which comes in really handy the day before camp nano starts SOO thank you so much ily <3 i dont have my guitar with me rn so i cant do the cover just yet, im sorry, BUT i can do this:

here’s a lil snippet of my work in progress “Swing By The Lake”. I’m really proud of how this scene turned out even though i put off writing it for the longest time because i hate writing sex scenes. it’s not an actual sex scene, but it pretty clearly leads to that. kindda weird that this is the first thing that you’re gonna read from me because i NEVER write sex scenes but whatever it’s actually pretty significant to the plot because it’s the start of Charlie realizing how much she actually cares for Agustina which is just... *sigh* perfect

things u should probably know before this: charlie is a 17 y/o girl who’s vacationing in this beach town where she met Agustina, a 21 y/o photographer from Argentina who is also on a trip in this beach town. they’ve been hanging out at the cliff of the hill that separates each other’s houses for most of the summer, both at sunrise and sunset because that’s just what people do in the argentine provinces and its also romantic af. it also kindda fits the feeling of your writing prompt so its a win win! i hope you enjoy this :)

~ i’m celebrating reaching 700 followers!! so if u want to, you can send me some of these and ill do my best to create something cool for you! ~

Charlie opened her eyes after what felt like a few seconds. The room was still dark, but she was restless. Looking out the window, the moon shined full and bright over the still ocean. In a split second decision, she grabbed a sweater before heading down to the beach. With her shoes on her hand, she walked along the shore. The water ran up to her calf sometimes, a bit too cold when mixed with the fog that filled her lungs. Charlie wondered whether it was too late or too early to be out by herself, but there was no better hour to sort things out in one’s mind. If it was truly Noemi who had seen Charlie and Agustina together at the beach, why hadn’t she come to tell her parents already? Was she really going to keep the secret for Charlie without her even asking? It was hard to believe. Noemi must be up to something, waiting for the right time and way to say it. Or to gather evidence. But, why? Was there really a chance for Charlie to deny her accusations and get away with it? As all the possible—and impossible—scenarios came to her, Charlie collected pebbles from the shore, her long nightgown served as a great bag to store them momentarily. She came to realize that it was near impossible to be anxious or fearful in such a calm atmosphere. Alone in the beach, under the stars and surrounded by mist, touching the water while collecting stones. Silence only being interrupted by the ocean against her freezing legs. It was as if God tried to comfort her with nature. As she kept walking, there were more and more stones underneath her feet. So much so, that by the time she came to the end of East-Watch beach, it hurt to walk barefoot. Charlie got away from shore and sat on a stone at the bottom of the hill. The same one where she’d had breakfast with Agustina almost 24 hours prior. She put on her sandals and made a split second decision. It almost didn’t come as a surprise when she found Agustina sitting on the cliff, just like the time they were both there for the first time. The foreigner couldn’t see her, but she was most certainly aware of her— the stones bounced on one another as she walked. Charlie sucked in a breath and walked slowly closer to Agustina. She wasn’t sure if what she was doing was right, it was a much wiser decision to just leave and never talk to her again. Deny everything Noemi might claim once they were back home and forget that whole summer even happened. It was a wiser and safer choice. Yet there she was, hand over the lady’s shoulder, almost touching. “Why are you here?” She said without turning around. Her voice was cold, colder than the fog or the ocean. This one froze Charlie inside out. Silence. “If you are not going to say anything, you should just leave.” Charlie breathed in to speak, but her mouth didn't obey. She remembered the last time they were together and how abruptly she'd run away. Agustina had nothing to do with Noemi, she didn’t know how terrifying it was to see her at that beach. And to top it all, Charlie avoided her when she walked, probably the entire way, to The Saltbox Inn just to see her. What was there to say after hurting her in such a way? "I'm sorry doesn't cover it." She finally spoke, sitting down and leaving the stones just behind Agustina. She didn't turn, but her breathing was louder. Faltering. Charlie hadn't noticed from afar, but Agustina went there to cry. "Oh, Agus." She said as she sat down behind her and embraced her into a hug that wasn’t reciprocated. "I'm so sorry." "Why are you here?" Agustina's voice was weak, it broke Charlie to hear such a light-hearted lady like Agustina be in such pain. And it was because of her. "I couldn't sleep." "Why?" Charlie took in a deep breath. "The other day, I thought someone from my town was there and saw us." Charlie said, she rested her forehead against Agustina's hair. She meant to go for a kiss on the cheek, but she was turned away. "So you naturally pushed me and ran off." Agustina scoffed. Charlie was speechless. She hadn't really been thinking at the time. Hell, she barely even remembered what actually happened. "And

then you never came back or called. And then when I walked the entire way to your place… you saw me, and ran away as fast as possible. Again. Of course I'm sorry doesn't cover it." "But I am sorry, Agus, please tell me what can I do to make it better?" Charlie's own voice cracked a little. She felt awful for hurting the girl beside her, she'd done nothing but given her the best summer she'd had in years. "Charlie." Agustina sighted and covered her face with her hands, shaking herself away from Charlie's hug. They were still side by side at the cliff’s end, their legs lightly brushing against one another as they swung with the wind. But to Charlie, not hugging Agustina felt like they were miles apart. She sat back before speaking. "Come here, please." Charlie begged. Agustina lightly turned her head, giving Charlie a chance to catch those slightly swollen green eyes. In an attempt to lighten the situation, she grabbed one stone and threw it over the cliff. It bounced off of a stone and then made it to the calm ocean, which brought a hint of a smile to Agustina’s face. "Please." She offered another stone out to the Latina, who grabbed it and sat back and rested her back on Charlie. Charlie pulled her closer, just enough so she could hold her with both arms around her waist. The sun must have been rising at that moment, because Agustina's face lit up in all the shades of blue. She threw the stone over the cliff, but Charlie didn’t hear whether or not it reached the ocean. She was too hung up on how Agustina’s lips looked especially soft from the side, glistening with what remained of her tears. Charlie brushed her thumb over the lower lip as softly as possible. "I'm sorry." She whispered before going for a quick kiss barely on the side of her mouth. "I'm sorry." She repeated and leaned closer, asking for permission. Agustina slightly turned and that was enough. Unlike any other kiss they had shared before, this one felt like they were both savoring every second. They were both so depraved of the other that every moment, every move was sacred. "I'm sorry." Charlie whispered as she moved from Agustina's lips to her jaw, drying the new tears with her own lips. She kept apologizing in between her approaches. All she wanted was to make Agustina feel better. She did everything she could think off to comfort her. Charlie kept kissing every inch of Agustina’s exposed skin, staring into her eyes before going further— silently asking if it was okay to do so. Charlie let her body take over without giving much thought to her actions. They were soon enough throwing their clothes aside, condemning everything that dared come in between them. There was nothing Charlie wanted— needed— more than to be closer to Agustina. As close as humanly possible. She needed to take the pain she caused away. “Charlie.” Agustina sighed when Charlie reached her stomach. She used a tone Charlie had never heard before. It reminded her of the prayers sung at Church, delicate and desperate with a hint of fear. Charlie froze. “Is this okay?” Agustina let out an audible sight, caressing Charlie’s cheek with her fingers, softly guiding her to look up.  Agustina’s eyes were still a bit red, but they were also a slightly darker shade of green. “I-” She looked for the right words to speak. “You don’t have to do this.” “But I want to.” Charlie answered without missing a beat. She smiled shyly at the older girl, looking down as she soon realized what she had just said and what was about to happen. “But… I don’t know how…” She trailed off, resting her forehead on Agustina’s belly. “It’s okay,” She whispered. “I’ll guide you.”

[nho-jungle]

5, 8, 9, 13, 14 soz i know thats like half of them but i need information for science also i love you xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo bella also good morning! since i assume ur wakin up to these

Good morning yes I woke up to these (It’s actually midday rn but i slept in)

5) What creative work are you most proud of (your own or someone else’s)?

Oh my own I’m super proud of my wolfpack au, my mythical creatures au, and the trans college au. I’m also super proud of everything Cy has written this year, it’s been awesome listening to him ramble abt his ideas and then seeing the finished works ( @tran5rightsos )

8) What quote really sums up how you’re feeling at this point?

I literally can’t formulate a thought rn, I have a Shawn Mendes song stuck in my head and the rest of my brainpower is taken up by a weird dm i got on instagram. 

9)  Recommend something that you really enjoyed in 2020

All I can offer is fanfic cuz i didn’t do much else. 

But I read this fic abt a month ago, it deals with a bunch of heavy things like ptsd and navigating life after an incredibly traumatic event. It’s about 250,000 words and I couldn’t read anything else for 24 hours after I’d read it, it was so good. 

13) What do you want to do less of next year?

I wanna spend less time worrying over dumb shit and less time laying awake bc I’m anxious abt nothing. I wanna spend less time fearing the future and mourning the past. 

14) What do you want to do more of next year?

Write fic, talk to my friends. I wanna put more effort into physically being there to hang out with my friends. Although that’s probably not gonna happen cuz at the end of the day im still depressed lmao. 

end of 2020 fandom asks

[stellarboystyles]

1. What is you middle name? nichole 2. How old are you? 22 3. When is your birthday? august 29 4. What is your zodiac sign? virgo sun, cancer moon, gemini eising 5. What is your favorite color? yellow 6. What’s your lucky number? i hate numbers 7. Do you have any pets? 2 puppies 8. Where are you from? ohio :/ 9. How tall are you? 5′5 10. What shoe size are you? 7 1/2 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? like 40 LOL 12. What was your last dream about? me & my friends were shooting off fireworks from our window and trees were being incinerated and then i was in my parents bedroom with (they weren’t my parents but they were in dream land i guess???? idk???) and this ed kemper looking dude was trying to attack them 13. What talents do you have? double jointed, and i’m a dancer and i sing pretty well IN MY OPINION DONT COME FOR ME 14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i can answer yes...like i feel things deeper than other people do, and i can sense when things are going to happen, like bad things 15. Favorite song? The One by Kodaline 16. Favorite movie? scream 17. Who would be your ideal partner? a tall, lanky boy with curly brown hair, four nipples and tattoos. oh, and he has to love love. 18. Do you want children? Y E S  BITCH im so maternal it isnt even funny 19. Do you want a church wedding? not really 20. Are you religious? i beleive in God, Jesus and all that 100% but i feel that times now are a lot different than when the bible was written. we have evolved so much as a species as far as what’s okay, not okay, right, wrong, etc.  21. Have you ever been to the hospital? god yes too many times 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? nope by my moms threatened to call the cops on me and have me taken away when i was a kid for standing up to her VERBALLY 23. Have you ever met any celebrities?  24. Baths or showers? hot showers...but i love a good bath bomb yanno 25. What color socks are you wearing? blue with cherries on them <3 26. Have you ever been famous? my lips are sealed 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? yes but not for the money or fame 28. What type of music do you like? i range from kodaline...to harry styles...to nevershoutnever...to twenty one pilots...to The Vaccines...The 1975...billie eilish...i can go on  29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1 31. What position do you usually sleep in? so many 32. How big is your house? 2 bed 1 bath 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? raisin cinnamon bread with strawberry blackberry jelly on top mmmmmmmmm 34. Have you ever fired a gun? no but i wanna learn 35. Have you ever tried archery? NO BUT THA WOULD BE COOL AF 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? shit??? fuck??? idk 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? more than 25 hours 39. Do you have any scars? yes...a biiiig long one all the way down my left arm and elbow 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? lol no i’m from a small town filled with farm boy and none of them will ever be emotionally developed enough for that shit 41. Are you a good liar? i dont think so 42. Are you a good judge of character? yes 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? yessss 44. Do you have a strong accent?i’m am*rican so no 45. What is your favorite accent? harry styles’ accent 46. What is your personality type? introvert to the public extrovert to the people i trust 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?  48. Can you curl your tongue? yep 49. Are you an innie or an outie? both 50. Left or right handed? riiiiight 51. Are you scared of spiders? YES DONT TOUCH ME GET OUTTA MY HOUSE 52. Favorite food? nachos 53. Favorite foreign food? thai food 54. Are you a clean or messy person? both 55. Most used phrased?  56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? depends...could be 15 minutes, could be 2 hours lol 58. Do you have much of an ego? not really 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? biteee 60. Do you talk to yourself? yea 61. Do you sing to yourself? yes! 62. Are you a good singer? i think so 63. Biggest Fear? bugs 64. Are you a gossip? lol NO 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? both 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? i know the damn song and could sing it rn 68. Favorite school subject? history 69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? no but i want to so bad 71. What makes you nervous? talking to people but i’ve gotten better 72. Are you scared of the dark? not anymore 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? no 74. Are you ticklish? yes get away from me 75. Have you ever started a rumor? probably, my old self was a dumbass bitch 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? yes i’m a dance teacher and used to teach (: 77. Have you ever drank underage? YEP 78. Have you ever done drugs? no but dude i can’t wait  79. Who was your first real crush? J*st*n B**b*r 80. How many piercings do you have? 2...ears and belly button...am i trash? 81. Can you roll your Rs? NO I”M WHITE AF 82. How fast can you type? idk probably less than average lol 83. How fast can you run? not very lol 84. What color is your hair? brown with highlights 85. What color is your eyes? green on the outside brown on the inside 86. What are you allergic to? literally so many types of medicine that i’m not gonna name over the internet lmao 87. Do you keep a journal? yes 88. What do your parents do? dad is a maintenance manager and mom’s a babysitter (: 89. Do you like your age? yes 90. What makes you angry? when  91. Do you like your own name? yea 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? omg so many okay here is my full list currently:

girls: felicity, isabella, emma, aoife (pronounced eefah) nora, rose, hera, nola, june, reece, ramona, violet, lydia, lola, naomi, amelia, luna, gemma, grace, waverly, melody, genevieve, eloise, cove

boys: arlo, finn, archie, calvin, bowie, judah, sawyer, tate, nico, ocean 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? girlie for sure but i’d love a boy after 94. What are you strengths? i like to believe that i’m kind, respectful and a good person  95. What are your weaknesses? i’m anxious, strong willed and i cry a lot 96. How did you get your name? well the person that gave birth to me gave me my name and when my parents were adopting me they wanted to keep my name 97. Were your ancestors royalty? no idea 98. Do you have any scars? lots, i get hurt a lot lol 99. Color of your bedspread? gray 100. Color of your room? blue

[flowrxchild]

🌼Get To Know Me Tag🌼

Thanks @satans-helper for tagging me!!! This is gonna be a long one so if anyone feels it’s necessary, please tell me to shut up! oke doke les do it❤️

1. What’s your middle name?

Olivia!

2. How old are you?

20, very cool and very funky years..

3. When’s your birthday?

January 8th

4. What’s your zodiac sign?

Capricorn 🐏 also an Aries rising, Libra moon if anyone cares lol

5. What’s your favourite colour?

Rn it’s yellow!

6. What’s your lucky number?

Ok I rlly gotta pick one soon cuz I just don’t have one lol

7. Do you have any pets?

Used to have a chubby brown lab but she was an old girl:( BUT recently I have fed a stray cat enough for him to come back everyday so he is now mine by Ricky Law™️

8. Where are you from?

Toronto, Canada baybee

9. How tall are you?

5’5

10. What shoe size are you?

7 and a half? I think?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Not that many like 5 tops lol

12. What was your last dream about?

Last night I dreamt about going horse back riding?? I woke up like ...she’s a horse girl, I knew it..

13. What talents do you have?

I can draw/paint?? Also I’m a pretty snazzy photographer

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I’m definitely intuitive...I’ve experienced some very strange coincidences in my life...

15. Favourite song?

Jimi Hendrix’ Voodoo Chile

16. Favourite Movie?

Moonrise Kingdom

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

*stares in Josh Kiszka yearn*

18. Do you want children?

Erm not sure yet

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Lol I want whatever the opposite of a church wedding is..

20. Are you religious?

Nope.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes. I’m so clumsy I am a danger to myself at this point...

22. Have you ever gotten in trouble with the law?

No I’m literally a baby chicken and will cry if u raise ur voice at me

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Not formally? I’ve seen a lot of random celebrities just walking around tho cuz I live in a big city

24. Baths or showers?

Showers, practically but I love me a good bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Im not wearing any ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ;-) Sam Kiszka tease ;-) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

26. Have you ever been famous?

One time my painting was put into a community art gallery and they took my photo for the local newspaper except they made the centre fold of the page fold into the picture around my face so it got all distorted and it was like when Mike Wazowski was in the Monsters Inc commercial...

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Not rlly..

28. What type of music do you like?

Rock, folk and indie but I will listen to anything

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Yes. Me and my friends do it every year as a cottage tradition!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3...I need to be snuggled AND supported

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I don’t sleep unless I curl up into the smallest ball possible like a friggin cat

32. How big is your house?

She smol

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Literally just coffee most days. I love anarchy

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope. Don’t have the desire to either.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

I have not but I’ve always wanted to!

36. Favourite clean word?

Cozzy

37. Favourite swear word?

Cunty but like as an adjective

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Not rlly sure...probably only a day. I’m a very sleepy person

39. Do you have any scars?

Yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

If I told you, they wouldn’t be secret ;-)

41. Are you a good liar?

No not at all. My face gives it away so badly

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I like to think so. My first impressions of people tend to be true.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Ya but not well ahsgag

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don’t think I do, but my family from the states always says we have the stereotypical “Canadian accent”.

45. What is your favourite accent?

I loooove Irish accents. I find them very pleasing to hear!

46. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T to be precise

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

My prom dress I think? I got it a Free People for 90$ and at that store, that’s a steal...

48. Can your curl your tongue?

Yeth

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

If this is referring to my belly button then, innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Ew ya

52. Favourite food?

Ok my fave food is also my fave foreign food and it’s Indian!

53. Favourite foreign food?

^

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

messy...ITS CAREFUL CHAOS OK?

55. Most used phrase?

I really am not sure...

56. Most used word?

probably ‘like’. Yes I’m gen Z, yes I have trouble articulating my thoughts. And what about it???

57. How long does it take you to get ready?

I need at least an hour...I like to plan

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don’t think so??

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

If you bite lollipops, you’re in jail now, I don’t make the law.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Yes, I’m the funniest person I know.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes, funny you ask, I’m not only the funniest person I know, but also North America’s greatest entertainer!

62. Are you a good singer?

No! But I will preform for myself and the spiders living in my room. Yes, we exist!

63. Biggest fear?

Losing the people I love, being trapped.

64. Are you a gossip?

No yuck i hate it.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

this is too broad and difficult but The Witch. It’s spooky and dramatic.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I don’t rlly have a preference...

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Probably if I try really really hard lol as a Canadian, this is a good road trip game

68. Favourite school subject?

Art or English!

69. Extrovert or introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No but something about makes me anxious

71. What makes you nervous?

I would really love to find something that doesn’t make me anxious. Let’s start with that.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No! I find it comforting sometimes actually

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends. I hate confrontation so I only do it if it really matters...

74. Are you ticklish?

Ok I wanna know who isn’t! Like whomst is not ticklish??

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

I hope not...I would feel very stinky

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

If by authority you mean telling my sister to get out of my unassigned-assigned spot on the couch even though my voice cracks a little as I do it causing her to laugh even harder, than yes.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes. *police sirens grow closer*

78. Have you ever done drugs?

I have done a weed or 2. Yes

79. Who was your first real crush?

My neighbour lol

80. How many piercings do you have?

3! My ears and also my cartilage! Used to have my septum, but it caused me too many problems so i let it grow over :(

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Ya!

82. How fast can you type?

So fast *spongebob voice* wanna see me do it again?

83. How fast can you run?

I would probably be the first to go in a horror movie

84. What colour is your hair?

Dark brown

85. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Nothing substantial.

87. Do you keep a journal?

Ya I do!

88. What do your parents do?

My mums a school secretary and my dads a fraud investigator

89. Do you like your age?

U know what, ya..I can’t complain.

90. What makes you angry?

Injustice and rudeness

91. Do you like your own name?

Ya I don’t mind it

92. Have you already thought of baby names if so what are they?

I mean I have names that I like but it’s not something I write down so I always forgot lol

93. Do you want a boy or a girl child?

I really couldn’t care less

94. What are your strengths?

Physically, I’m a sack of bones with the upper body strength of a new born baby but I like to think my sense of humour makes me tolerable *finger guns*

95. What are your weaknesses?

I am one frightened human bean.

96. How did you get your name?

Tru story: throughout my moms whole pregnancy, everyone including the doctors were convinced I was gonna be a boy because they could never get a clear look at me in the ultra sounds so my parents had only picked out boy names until I was born to which they changed their choice of “Eric” to Erika :))

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not at all lol

98. Do you have any scars?

Did I already answer this one? I think I did?

99. Colour of your bedspread?

White with pink floral pattern! (From ikea lol)

100. Colour of your room?

It’s an off-white

Ok I wanna tag these lovely beans @pe2chie @turntonightfirelight @camomillacatalina @witchgoddess @blackdressedtinyone 💗💗💗

[solskens]

ALL remaining questions lol

1. Are you enjoying yourself?

whenever i can, yes. rn im sitting outside n drinking ice tea n hanging out with my plants, thats nice!

2. Do you miss how life used to be?

no, not really - my life was overwhelming, and i appreciate the pause. however, i dont think there should have to be a pandemic for that, and i am terribly sorry for everyone who has to deal with all the negative consequenses of this. but i dont miss life before so much

4. What drinks do you have in the fridge right now?

in MY fridge theres like only garlic n butter, but im not home rn, but idk what my gfs family have in their fridge, omly drink there thats mine is some lemon ice tea, which im quite frankly addicted to 😬☕️🍋

5. What snacks do you have in your house right now?

like candy, lemon muffins and lentil chips i think? yet again, at my gfs house, not mine. at mine theres a bunch of shit bc i have a food box with Long Expiry Dates foods n snacks

9. How long do you think you can last like this?

i dont know, a few months. i’ll miss my friends and family too much after a while

10. What is the last thing you've read?

like, this question, but other than that i read the news earlier, or like an union article

11. What show are you catching up on?

catfish!!

12. Are you a "stay in pajamas all day kind"of person?

NOPE, gotta put real clothes on or ill get sad 👖🥰🌈

14. What time did you wake up today?

like 7:30? or something like that? my neighbours alarm went of n they really can sleep through their alarms for 2+ hours n only snoozing sometimes.

15. Are you staying active?

yup, we go on daily walks!! and i run while my gf works out at the gym, so today we went to the gym together n i ran home from there, through some woods n stuff 🏃‍♀️🌳💪

16. Are you staying hydrated?

yeah ive always drank a lot of water

17. How long do you think this quarantine will last?

not long enough dude n then well gotta be quarantined again bc ppl will get sick again

18. If you had to study one subject everyday for the rest of this quarantine, what would you study?

probably architechture, since thats my major n like, what i gotta Study. i dont, though. quarantine be ruining my focus etc. or french bc i like french n wanna mov to france or french speaking canada for a while

19. How much weight do you suppose you'll put on by the time this quarantine is over?

hah fuck this question dude

20. What's your favorite board game?

one where its like spies n shit n u lie, i think its called spyfall n me n my friends play it from time to time

21. What's your favorite card game?

seven!! bc me n my friends played it all through high school

23. What's your favorite tv show?

bbc:s version of les miserables Oh Lord am i gay for miss lily collins there dear madam👀🥰🤪😍

24. What's your favorite snack?

bread💛

26. What's your favorite beverage?

tea, or peach ice tea, or white wine ☀️

27. What do you like most about the quarantine?

not having to go to classes n just being home

28. What are you finding most challenging about the quarantine?

not seeing my friends or family and also official things taking a longer time bc other ppl r home

29. Do you think COVID-19 is as bad as the media says it is?

uh sure?

31. What have you learned so far from this experience?

i hate being alone 😍😍😍

32. Are you introverted, omniverted, or extroverted?

omni, probably, but idk yall maybe extroverted or introverted i dont know dude

34. Who are you most worried about?

everyone forced into harmful situations whether its abusive family or going without income or being isolated and elderly. 🥺

35. Who was the last person you texted, called, facetimed?

texted: my best friend ev, called: my gf to come pick me up from the woods, facetimed: my twin bc i just wanted to say hi 🥰🥺

36. What three emojis best describe your attitude towards what's going on right now?

😔😬👀

37. If you had to live in one item of clothing for the rest of this quarantine what would it be?

my pink hoodie!! 💕

38. What was the last meal you cooked and how did it taste?

beef n oven potato with tzatziki, it was good!! very garlic-y✨

39. What's your favorite restaurant? Is it closed?

a chinese one back home at in my parents town n idk, hopefully it is but idk 😬

40. What is your favorite store? Is it closed?

ahahaha the grocery store n nooo its not ❣️

41. How many things have you purchased online since being in quarantine?

only medicine, so like 1 package of things!!

42. What was the last thing you purchased online?

pain meeeds which my pharmacy had run out of

43. What's getting you through these tough times?

my gf n therapy n being in nature

44. Are you keeping up with the news?

sometimes i read the paper, sometimes not! it can be a lot n i think its completely okay to stay sort of uninformed, as long as you are informed enough to keep yourself n others safe 💛

45. Are you stressed?

yup, always am maam 😔🙏🤪

46. Tell me something positive.

the weather has been rly nice where i am lately so my plants are doing great! n im sure we all will thrive soon, too, just not my tomato plants 🌿❤️🍅

47. Give me some advice.

break up with ur partner if you constantly feel anxious bc of them. its not supposed to be like that honey 🍯💛

48. What's your favorite quote?

”And we love, as they loved on Lesbos long ago”, its renée vivien translated by some girl

49. What's your favorite book?

black iris

50. Tell me an interesting fact.

the first person i befriended at uni was also a lesbian, n we started talking totally by chance 🌈🌿

[flowers-by-the-bed]

Just ignore this it’s just for me to try and organise myself because idk what to do right now aside from cut myself up and hit my head and I’m trying my fucking best to not do that. But as always I need the knowledge that my thoughts are “out there” rather than just writing somewhere private in order to feel like it’s helped me. Not that I have much hope for that anyway. I was doing so so well, moving on, making progress, taking control of things, finding good influences to be around and getting my work done and it all gets shattered over nothing or when my meds don’t work as well as they should. Everything in my life and everything about me is so fragile and built on such fragile foundations and however stable or genuine the changes I make seem, they are nothing. Even if my mood flips again tomorrow and things magically get better, it doesn’t make my emotions any less strong right now, and it would definitely flip back to this as soon as the next stressor happens. I hate it.

I wrote out a huge post about all my feelings earlier and it made me feel better but I went to post it and the fucking connection got fucked and it deleted itself and that alone has sent me spiralling and im so upset and angry and that just says everything, i almost threw my laptop at the wall but threw my phone instead. I’ve been trying to remember what I said because it made me feel better but I just keep crying and hitting things and myself and I cannot shake it, and that’s my reality rn

_____

I’m so exhausted being me and being this mess and I don’t want to even try anymore. Whatever I do and however much I think I make progress, I always end up back in this situation with no triggers or warning. No progress or motivation is worth it because I will never be fixed or stable and there isn’t a guide to navigate this. Why should I try and move forward when within three days this can happen and I’m back at square one. Either my meds were faulty or this is just me but who the fuck cares which it is because either way I’m just a fucking incapable piece of shit. There is no reason I should flip this quickly and feel so strongly over literally nothing but tiny normal inconveniences and the level that I hate myself because of everything and just in general is too much. I hated myself anyway but EUPD moods make it so much worse and so much more intense and I literally cannot do anything close to normal functioning when this happens. My dad came round to check how I was and I cried for a while but then I was ready to try and go out the house with him, but I saw myself in the mirror and had a complete breakdown and cried in bed for hours and didn’t speak. I’m fucking pathetic but I can feel all of the fucking fat on my body everywhere and it feels like a disease, I disgust myself. I couldn’t move or even think about going outside because I couldn’t and still cant stand the thought of anyone seeing my body. It’s vile and I hate it and even when I have a few good weeks and start eating normal amounts again, seeing my body sends me back into a spiral and I regret ever eating at all. I’m crying now because it just feels like you can see the fat expand by the minute and it makes my anxiety and anger and sadness go haywire. I don’t want to try anymore I’m exhausted trying to pretend that one day I’ll get fixed and I’ll be stable enough for myself that I can lead a normal life but it just isn’t possible. I want to drop dead because this is not living. I am exhausted of my thoughts making me think of the most triggering things when I know full well I am already bad enough that I want to die and hurt myself, and just sinking lower into that spiral until I scare myself about what I’m going to do. Every single month there is something that brings me back to this place where I remember that no matter what progress I’ve made, it’s all fake and down to some fucking pills. And as soon as those get taken away, I’m back to being some pathetic waste of space and effort who’s almost 25 and unable to even control their fucking emotions even at the bare minimum level so I can function. I felt so guilty with my dad here and me just being a wreck and unable to talk or go outside. It’s pathetic. I don’t know why I deserve a head that hates me this much and can’t do it’s only fucking job. I’m tired of faking it and tired of hating myself and tired of knowing that for as long as my life lasts, this is all it’s going to be. And it isn’t a life. It isn’t fair and I don’t know why I had to end up like this. EUPD is ugly and it is vile and eventually, whenever it happens, this will be what kills me. The only things that distracted me even a little was my dad coming over and keeping me busy before I fell back into that hole and Matt messaging me, because it grounded me a little for an hour or so because it was nice to interact when it’s been months, but it didn’t work for long. Those aside, I just want to be someone else. It’s too much, I don’t know how to get my thoughts out, I can’t get the anger out even when I hurt myself or break things, it’s like drowning in self-hate to the degree that you cannot see anything else. I just want to sleep and wake up and have this whole stupid fucking disorder and brain gone or a bad dream.  It’s not hard to see why I don’t achieve anything, I will never get to my full potential because of my brain and the boat has pretty much already sailed on me achieving the things I wanted to with my work anyway. Because of how incapacitated I have always been during education because of this. It’s not hard to see why people leave, why I am too much to handle. I flip so quickly and the anger expects others to understand what’s going on when in reality I don’t have any idea either. I need validation and then I don’t want a thing from them. It’s too much. I don’t blame anyone. I blame myself. Every aspect of my life gets fucked up by my inability to control myself or my thoughts or feelings and this is just a huge fucking pity party for me to try and organise my thoughts, just so that for the rest of today, I might be able to move my head away from them now. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m detached from 90% of the people in my life and I don’t care. I just want to hide until I drop or until just one area of my life makes sense. If I could hate myself less and not want to puke and cry and cut every time I saw my body, I’d be able to come with the sad and the angry. If I didn’t react so strongly to the smallest triggers, or felt stable, or stable in my relationships, or able to trust ANYONE, I’d be able to deal with hating myself a little better. If I didn’t read meaning into everything people say and misinterpret things, or have such a strong emotional reaction to people speaking to me or whatever then I’d have more stable relationships and I could cope better with the rest. If I didn’t have such bad anxiety affecting most of my life, the EUPD in general would be easier to control. If I didn’t feel this inability or desire to share with the people in my life who actually do care, I’d find things easier to deal with and would have an actual support system. But by my own design and suspicion and refusal to overshare and burden people directly, I’m a fucking mess. Everything hitting me at the same time, at 400% power, it incapacitates me. I wish I didn’t have a personality disorder so I knew exactly what I’m actually like, and not constantly wondering what is me and what is an illness. I wish I wasn’t anxious so I trusted people’s intentions and could be myself instead of reining myself in and being terrified of being bad at things or embarrassing myself, and never making progress with anything or anyone because of it. I wish I had a healthy relationship with food. I wish I didn’t self harm. I wish I wasn’t depressed. I just want to be someone else and be a real adult. Life is hard enough without an arsenal of chemical imbalances and broken mental Schemas. I was doing SO well and it equates to nothing. I don’t want to be a 24 year old pathetic mess of a person. It’s too much. Although I do it to myself because I’m not someone who enjoys talking directly to people about my problems and I’d never want to burden them, it’s alienating and hard to try and function without explaining what is wrong.

[cantbehandled-ever]

thanks @satans-helper for tagging me in this get to know me tag! i’ve never done one this long, so here’s a bunch of info that no one wanted to know about me lmao

1. What’s your middle name?

- Lynn, which i hateee

2. how old are you?

- 19

3. when is your birthday?

- november 17th

4. what is your zodiac sign?

- scorpio sun, libra rising, pisces moon. i have two fucking water signs which explains why i’m so emotional

5. what’s your favorite shade of green?

- forest/emerald green

6. what’s your lucky number?

- 8

7. do you have any pets?

- yes! i have three dogs and i’d die for them

8. where are you from?

- originally chicago, but now i live in orlando

9. how tall are you?

- 5’9

10. what shoe size are you?

- 10 in women’s, 8.5 in men’s

11. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

- 10

12. what was your last dream about?

- i dreamt that i ran off to live in a cave and raised goldfish as my past time, so i’m really jealous that i didn’t actually do that

13. what talents do you have?

- i can bs my way through stuff, because if i really need to, i can come off as decently eloquent. also i can sing kinda well, nothing amazing

14. are you psychic in any way?

- i’ve had dreams that ended up happening exactly like i dreamed them

15. favorite song?

- i could not tell you, but lately i’ve been listening to Second Hand News by Fleetwood Mac several times a day

16. Favorite movie?

- the sixth sense (i just really like m. night shyamalan movies)

17. who would be our ideal partner?

- someone with a great sense of humor and i’m pretty anxious, so someone who is good at keeping calm

18. do you want children?

- nope lmao, but i do want to be an aunt. i like kids, but like only when i can give them back to their parents when i get tired of them lol

19. do you want a church wedding?

- not really, if i did end up having one, it would be bc the building was beautiful it would have nothing to do with it being a church

20. are you religious?

- no, long and sad history with religion. i do consider myself to be pretty spiritual and learning more about stuff like that is really interesting to me

21. have you ever been to a hospital?

- yep, last year over spring break i had to get my gallbladder removed:)))))))) my surgeon took pics of my gallbladder though and it’s super sick and gross looking so at least i have that

22. have you ever gotten into trouble with the law?

- nope

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

- i met andy mientus, but he’s not like a huge celebrity

24. baths or showers?

- showers, baths are gross

25. what color socks are you wearing?

- white and purple

26. have you ever been famous?

- not really, but when i was in fifth grade i submitted a poem i wrote to a publishing company and they put it into a book, so my elementary school made a big deal out of it, so i was like a local celebrity amongst ten year olds for a week lol

27. would you like to be a big celebrity?

- only if it was for music, because that’s the only way i could see myself being happy with it. however, i’d much rather just have my own niche audience and be super personal with them, but still make enough money that i could afford to have that be my only career

28. what type of music do you like?

- mainly rock and funkier music, but i can pretty much listen to anything

29. have you ever been skinny dipping?

- no, because i hate my body lol

30. how many pillows do you sleep with?

- 4

31. what position do you usually sleep in?

- i’m a stomach sleeper

32. how big is your house?

- i live in a tiny apartment

33. what do you typically have for breakfast?

- usually just coffee, but sometimes i’ll have a breakfast bar

34. have you ever fired a gun?

- yes and i hated it, it’s way too scary to hold something like that

35. have you ever tried archery?

- yeah! we had it as a unit in my middle school gym class and i wasn’t super horrible at it!

36. favorite clean word?

- indubitably

37. favorite swear word?

- it’s more of a statement but i say “fuck off” all the time

38. what’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

- 29 when i was studying for finals last year

39. do you have any scars?

- several

40. have you ever had a secret admirer?

- yeah when i was seven

41. are you a good liar?

- when i need to be

42. are you a good judge of character?

- no i try to let everyone prove themselves, but mainly just makes me feel dumb when they screw me over

43. can you do any other accents other than your own?

- i don’t really have a midwestern accent anymore, but i can do one to make fun of my family members

44. do you have a strong accent?

- no

45. what’s your favorite accents?

- south african

46. what’s your personality type?

- advocate

47. what’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

- my doc martens were like $135 and i treat them like babies

48. can you curl your tongue?

- yep

49. are you an innie or an outie?

- bellybutton??? an innie but that’s super weird

50. left or right handed?

- right handed

51. are you scared of spiders?

- oh absolutely

52. favorite food?

- sushi

53. favorite foreign food?

- sushi or mexican food

54. are you a clean or messy person?

- both, i keep my room super messy, but any area of the apartment that i share with other people i keep spotless

55. most used phrase?

- “oh absolutely”

56. most used word?

- fuck

57. how long does it take you to get ready?

- roughly about an hour and 15 minutes

58. do you have much of an ego?

- depends, but in general i wouldn’t say so

59. do you suck or bite lollipops?

- suck

60. do you talk to yourself?

- who doesn’t?????

61. do you sing to yourself?

- all the time

62. are you good singer?

- i’m fine, nothing impressive

63. biggest fear?

- being kidnapped and also i’m really afraid of strange men, i can’t bring myself to trust both of them

64. are you a gossip?

- to my roommates

65. best dramatic movie you’ve ever seen?

- i really don’t know, i don’t watch a ton of dramas, mainly comedy

66. do you like long or short hair?

- on girls i like both, on guys i prefer long

67. can you name all 50 states in america?

- yeah if you gave me a few minutes

68. favorite school subject?

- biology

69. extrovert or introvert?

- introvert

70. have you ever been scuba diving?

- nope

71. what makes you nervous?

- i have anxiety :)))) so everything

72. are you scared of the dark?

- only if i’m in a strange place

73. do you correct people when they make mistakes?

- depends on my relationship with them

74. are you ticklish?

- holy shit yeah

75. have you ever started a rumor?

- nope

76. have you ever been in a position of authority?

- not one that mattered

77. have you drank underage?

- yes, i literally have more alcohol than food in my fridge rn

78. have you ever done drugs?

- yep, like three days ago

79. who was your first real crush?

- a kid named conner when i was in sixth grade

80. how many piercings do you have?

- four

81. can you roll your r’s?

- nope

82. how fast can you type?

- moderately fast

83. how fast can you run?

- not fast at all

84. what color is your hair?

- auburn

85. what color are your eyes?

- brown

86. what are you allergic to?

- shellfish

87. do you keep a journal?

- nope but i have a finsta which i use for the same reason

88. what do your parents do?

- my mom is a nurse and my dad used to be a firefighter

89. do you like your age?

- i mean i don’t like how close i am to being a real adult, but it’s fine

90. what makes you angry?

- lots of stuff

91. do you like your name?

- nope, i think it’s stupid

92. have you already thought of baby names, and if so, what are they?

- nope, no children thanks

93. do you want a boy or a girl child?

- neither

94. what are your strengths?

- i’m a good problem solver and i have a good work ethic

95.what are your weaknesses?

- i am physically weak and wayyyyy too emotional

96. how did you get your name?

- my mom watched steel magnolias in college and decided she was going to name her first daughter shelby

97. were your ancestors royalty?

- i doubt it, but on the off chance, pls send money i’m broke :))))))

98. do you have any scars?

- yes

99. color of your bedspread?

- white

100. color of your room?

- yellow

im tagging: @blackbluemichael @flowrxchild @rosecolouredash @calumsdemons @ghostofcth @what-now-lucas

[julesrigby]

JULIET RIGBY ( MADELAINE PETSCH / SHE/HER ) - is an 18 year old SENIOR student at Northlake High. They sit with the HONOR ROLL at lunch and are commonly known around school as the OVERACHIEVER, because they’re +AMBITIOUS and +DETERMINED, but also -ANXIOUS and -CHAOTIC.

hey guys! i missed u!!! and for those of you i haven’t met yet, my name’s ren and i’m a big dumb dork who should be studying rn sjfsgjskg. i’ll literally plot with anybody even though my ass is awkward, so don’t be shy!! even if you wanna just talk shows and random shit or headcanons <3 so prepare for me to ramble @ you over this idiot leaf:

jules is pretty easy to get along with, the only thing she really cares about is getting good grades and doing The Most™ so she isn’t too bothered about cliques or anything like that. just don’t try to tell her she’s wrong about something or she’ll cast a spell on you and your next 7 generations of offspring

i’m jk but for real. don’t do it. she’s one of those annoying people that love to argue so don’t get her started

her parents put a lot of pressure on her to succeed. most of her anxiety about not doing well enough stems from them because she’s an only child and they kind of put all their lecturing energy into one kid

on the flip side they also worked a lot when she was young so she was around nannies and babysitters a lot, and never really got to socialize much. she learned how to entertain herself. it made her an introspective imaginative person but it also made her kind of lonely (and a lil weird ok)

so after childhood the competitiveness and her perfectionism developed as a way to get her parents attention

in fact it’s pretty much an obsession at this point. rip to her social life

despite her being busy and lowkey obnoxious she is a genuinely nice person who tries to be diplomatic and get along w people. but if ur in the way of something she wants she won’t hesitate to make u catch these hands

she also has a thing for true crime. probably keeps all the articles of the northlake boogeyman tabbed on her phone browser like a creep

she comes from money but she doesn’t really talk about it much so it might not be something a lot of people know

i can’t think of anything else atm except i’m tentatively putting her on academic decathlon, debate team, softball and she’s a tutor so if any of that tickles ur fancy lmk

get connected™ for free education connection

v general nonspecific ideas: study partners, exes, former friends, extended family. literally anything

some more Deluxe Supreme ideas (oooh):

ride or die nerd squad. obviously jules is bossy af. that bitch that made her friends be bubbles and buttercup bc she wanted to be blossom. anyWAY these hoes *are* loyal (or just one hoe because let’s be honest that’s probably more likely) and they’ve been tight p much all through high school, maybe much longer. this person would know what’s up with her family, probably has spent the night at her house a lot or vice versa. being in honor roll isn’t a requirement for being her ride or die although i would love some honor roll pals

someone who knows her family aka a family friend. they would know general details about each other but maybe they’re from different cliques so they don’t really mesh well or kind of just act like they don’t know each other. we can discuss how they act around each other but my thinking is it’s probably awkward or formal

first ever relationship/puppy love. gender neutral. they would’ve gone out a few years back for a short time but it didn’t last, either due to circumstances or just growing out of it

crush, preferably unrequited. this is self explanatory, i just love pain and i want someone to give it to me

oooh okay to piggyback off of that since she loves to argue i need someone she fights with like cats and dogs. maybe like a fellow debate team member and they just argue for fun (fuckin nerds) or they like actually genuinely don’t like each other or disagree a lot and always feel the need to remind each other how wrong they are

study partners but its cute bc they like share flashcards and stay up all night at like a 24 hours cafe or library and when they get a good grade on the test they cheer each other on and its just cute and wholesome. different than regular study partners or other honor roll kids bc they probably get along better ?

someone (probably a popular kid) that she got into an argument with and made them feel stupid and now they either want revenge or they’re in the process of getting it or it already happened and instead of jules backing down the situation got worse and now they have it out for each other

ok im gonna stop there bc this is long af uh. if any of those sound interesting to you or u just wanna hang out in IMS like this!! and honestly hats off to you bc if you made it all the way to the end of this u probably cringed at least 9 times. thank

[4r0rua]

Random Rant / Thoughts

I have strangely good luck, but it seems like everyone around me has bad luck, it feels like i suck the luck and good karma out of everyone around me… it hurts and makes it hard to not isolate myself and distance myself.

Me and my boyfriend are gonna start grocery shopping and working out together once i start getting paychecks, so soon i can tell my mom to stop buying me food, she only buys me shit with tons of calories. I genuinely cant wait to be able to follow my diet.

I feel awful rn, i overate sm. I am happy tho now all my high calorie shit food is gone. 24 hour fast started like 2 hours ago.

Im dealing w so much unresolved trauma :( my daddy issues, body issues, mommy issues, my anxious attachment issues, overall depression, trust issues, my possible bpd (my family is not the mental health seeking type so ive never been to a pshyciatrist or anything, i heavily relate to nearly every single symptom of bpd, and i so have the childhood trauma thatd cause it to develop) the fact my ex bestfriend was a pedophile and was weird w me when i was a minor. Idk just so much is popping up and tearing me down mentally

Im about to turn 19 and im so far behind, i dont have a ged, no drivers license, $9 to my name, it just sucks ass :(((.

Thats all for now.

[posiden1912]

All of the lovecore questions!

Oh my! This is so unexpected!!! A follower interacted with me!!! 💖 I’d die for u op

1.) what’s your sexuality? - Pansexual

2.) are you dating someone right now? - Gods i wish! super single rn

3.) would you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? - oh yea, 100%. I was once super into this girl and she sid she would only have her first dance to this very specific song, and well, the thing is that i loved her and just really really really wanted to dance with her. So i conspired with a close friend for her to play the song at her quince, and it worked. I got to dance with her and it was super magical even though it didnt pan out for us!

4.) what comes to your mind when you think of love? - hm.. im not entirely sure how to answer this cuz my mind springs to alot, so im gonna say words, and then colors. Love is trust, and intimacy. Its that time on valentine’s day when your heart wells because you locked eyes with your crush for a second too long. Love is powerful, and inherently magical. It can soothe the anxious, frazzle the calm, make us feel safe, and vulnerable all at the same time. Passionate love between romantic partners is a blazing inferno of reds and yellows and orange. It’s hot and sometimes painful; it’s sooteing and potent. You could burn away to nothing, or shrink to calmer fire. Love between friends and long time lovers is green and blue respectively, or sometimes combined. It’s healing, long lasting, like ice to a wound and a blanket over the cold. It’s whatever you both need. Its adaptable, and true, healthy for everyone involved. Everyone could use and give a little love and compassion. The world would probably be a better place if people kept this in mind.

5.) what’s your type? (body + personality wise

6.) flowers or hearts?- flowers, hearts sound like such a gory gift.

7.) red or pink?- por que no los dos???

8.) do you prefer pastels or dark colors?- por que no los dos??? why not combine them??? open your heart you cowards

9.) scented lotion or perfume?- honestly neither? but probably perfume. I like my lotion unscented!

10.) what color(s) do you associate with love?- Hey!!! we already did this!! so this is why my teachers told me to read my questions first!! But tl;dr, red, blue, and green

11.) what animal(s) do you associate with love?- not sure! never thought about it. maybe hamsters. Fragile and cute, but will absolutely fuck your shit up my dude. (i’ve had 20 hamsters, do not @ me fuckers)

12.) how do you know when you’re crushing on someone?- i think about them alot and just want to be near them.

13.) how do you know when you’re in love?- i want space from them occasionally, but always want to come back.

14.) have you been in love?- oh yea lmao. it was intense! 10/10 would do again even tho my heart hurts!

15.) favorite romcom trope?- no idea! maybe like,, when the girl and or guy realizes theyre in love with eachother. 

16.) what’s your favorite aesthetic other than lovecore?- the ocean

17.) favorite romantic movie?- um,,, that’s a personal question :/ (XD)((i only did that cuz idk how to use emojis with my laptop lmao.))

18.) ideal date?- its just us alone somewhere, even if it’s a crowded place. We talk and are so involved with eachother that we just don’t even notice how deep we are falling for eachother. We talk for hours and it feels like seconds, and we just want more time. maybe go to a book store after whatever we were doing.

19.) what would you give your partner for a romantic gift?- depends on the person

20.) what would you want to receive from a partner as a romantic gift?- depends on the person, probably something kinky

21.) why do you like lovecore?- honestly ive no idea what lovecore is.

22.) what do you think love is? like, how would you explain the concept- already did this!!!!! 

23.) do you believe in love at first sight? no, love is slow kindled. I believe in lust, crush, and infatuation at first sight though.

24.) have you ever crushed on a friend?- almost exclusively! XD

25.) have you ever crushed on a stranger?- definitely.

26.) celebrity crush? Aubrey plaza 100%

27.) do you have a crush on any fictional characters? yes XD

28.) matte or shiny? depends on how im feeling!

29.) bright or dull colors? depends on how im feeling, and the context!!!

30.) do you have a favorite lovecore blog? if so, what is it?- mine 

31.) favorite love song?- as i lay me down by sophie b hawkins, there’s others, but i cant think of them i can link my spotify if you’d like

32.)

33.) do your best heart spam!! (ex. 💗🏳️‍🌈💗💓💓💝🍓💝💫✨💫💞💝💗⭐️💘💓💗💞♥️)- my friends can attest that my heart spam is legendary, and this post is already long enough!

send in any other love/lovecore associates asks as well~! i love you all!!!

ps. honestly “por que no los dos” is why im pansexual lmao but more like “por que no todo!” XD 

I’m a transgirl out here looking for love, if youre a gal please messs=age me lmao, if youre a guy submit your application, you’ll hear back in 5-7 business days :)

(if youre agender or gender queer, pls message me! need some trans friends!!)

welp im late for uni! bye everyone :)

[rebelredcarnationn]

all the ask questions. i want the juice

ahahaha ok this should be fun

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

-- I LOVE YOU BIIITCH, AND I AINT NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BITCHHHHH2: Did you get to sleep in today?

-- nope i went to bed a little after 6 am and then had to wake up at 8:30

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

-- wot? not sure what this means

4: Do you have siblings?

-- yee i have one older sister

5: How many kids do you want?

-- 2 probs

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

-- uhm? i havent really held hands with people i dont think lol

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

-- nope

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

-- yeah i think so

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

-- my dad lol

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

-- not that i know of

11: When’s your birthday?

-- very close to the troye sivan concert

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

-- yes it wasnt that long ago

13: What kind of phone do you have?

-- iphone 7

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

-- im wearing athletic shorts because i just got home from gymnastics

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

-- oHHHH YEAH

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

-- idk probably crying hahah #relatableteen amirite

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

-- write a paper 10/10

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

-- more or less

19: Last night you felt…?

-- mostly sad, scared, anxious

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

-- all the concerts im going to this year (p!atd, troye sivan, twenty one pilots)

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

-- no im a goody two shoes oops, also they track me so

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

-- almost 2 and a half

23: Are you a morning or night person?

-- night 100%

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

-- gymnastics probably

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

-- eventually

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

-- i would hope that i would pick up lol

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

-- no

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

-- nope just fixed that yesterday lol

29: How many months until your birthday?

-- including this month 4

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

-- uhm i eat peanut butter just like on a spoon most of the time

31: Did you like this past summer?

-- nothing im stressed and i miss my friends and i miss having stuff to do and i could go on for a while

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

-- eating yogurt and looking at instagram lol

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

-- i dont have an ex lol, but i would probably just like leave depending on how recent it was

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

-- “do you ship drarry?” (she said no, we are no longer sisters)

35: Your mood summed into one work?

-- word? im assuming? ok well, uh ‘sad’ lol

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

-- listening to paramore

37: What are your initials?

-- CJ

38: Are you a happy person?

-- no pft

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

-- i dont think i liked anyone 4 months ago?

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

-- the uk

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

-- not yet

42: What did you do yesterday?

-- ha i sat outside in a hammock in the rain for about 4 hours and watched the world cup

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

-- uh hopefully watching harry potter 

44: How late did you stay up last night?

-- more like stayed up early, 6 am ish

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

-- yes

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

-- no lol

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

-- yes 100%

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

-- dont have an ex

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

-- dude all i remember about 2012 is the london olympics lol

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

-- dont have one, but i dont wish anyone was dead

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

-- yeah its red rn im probably doing purple next but im not sure leave sugguestions

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

-- depends on circumstances and the amount of time but probably not

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

-- yeah i sat under a blanket with my friend and watched it on tv lol

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

-- haha yeah and i shouldnt be rip

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

-- oh ive had this conversation with them they wouldnt pay for my college or wedding

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

-- all of the above but mostly side

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

-- uk

58: What would you change about your life right now?

-- uh my emotions and my friends emotions

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

-- i get upset every day lmao bet

60: Are you on the phone?

-- nope

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

-- forward

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

-- money

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

-- yeah lol

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

-- yeah like last week

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

-- yeah who hasnt

66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?

- at home lol

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

-- yeep

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

-- oh yeah multiple times

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

-- yeah ill probably take a nap later tbh

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

-- no i hope not

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

-- i mean yeah?

72: What’s your favorite color?

-- purple, black and red

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

-- uhm ive only ever liked one person in my life and we havent had a sleepover in a long time

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

-- oh all the time

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

-- yeah lol

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

-- YES YES YES

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

-- i wouldnt entirely say opposite but yeah pretty much

78: Does anyone call you babe?

-- no one does romantically

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

-- again with the opposite sex my dude, but i fully trust like 2 people

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

-- relationship

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

- im wearing a gray one rn

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

-- yeah rip

that was fun thanks!!

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol