#i apparently had a crush on ivy when i was super little

[erinwantstowrite]

my girls,,,,

[yandere-sins]

Can we hear about your chase and dump story 👀👀👀👀 16 year old Ivy was on it

Okay, buckle up for this. I had a huge crush on my first "boyfriend" (if you can call him that lol) when I was 14. I used to go to a meet up for anime/manga fans with some friends and my friend introduced me to the guy and I was so smitten. He's tall (and I was always tall so that was like the only thing I was looking for hahaha) and looked super cute in his cosplay and there was little needed to sway my heart, so I was gushing all day long and afterwards we met him at this meet up occasionally and we'd invite him to hang out at my friend's party and yeah. Was my first real crush.

It took two years of chasing this crush until it payed off. Somehow I got to talk with him at a party and he apparently had broken off with his gf prior to this and with 16 I was a bit more mature than 14 apparently because thanks to my friends hinting at my crush to him he asked me to be his girlfriend. And you know what? It was actually kinda adorable, we lived kinda far apart and yet he bought chocolates to ask me and we did it via skype I think lol. I had no idea of how to have a relationship and idk how we even made it (he was three years older but I think still a bit awkward), but he later also proposed in person, and I have to give it to him he was actually dedicated and sweet in that matter. But we were a couple in title most because we didn't see each other after that or heard from each other regularly.

So about 1-2 weeks later, I was invited to join a friend at an event and afterward I realized I had missed calls from him and called back and he was really emotional. I couldn't go to him in time obv. since I was too young to be out late and the drive would have been like 45min. public transportation and it was a Thursday. I did console him a bit and listened but somehow... idk. It sounds like a dick move I admit that, but having very low contact and suddenly having to deal with so much emotional stuff from another person I didn't actually knew very well, it made me realize I didn't really care. I cared when I was still chasing and crushing on him, I'd have done anything to get closer, but we never met as much to actually get to know each other, just chatted sporadically before getting together. But the relationship wasn't how I imagined and I also couldn't bring myself to invest emotionally like this, it really put me off and I still struggle with it to this day (typical divorce kid trauma...). Maybe if I had already been older it would have been better for us, but I couldn't handle another being at that time and it showed.

Anyhow, I ended things and now I don't like him anymore. My friend kept inviting him to parties (and didn't tell me) which was uncomfortable because he'd always sit around me and join my conversations and then just... smartass my words basically. He'd always have to up me somehow with his knowledge and experience and I was over it. He also grew a beard. And not a well-groomed one. Once I had to watch him eat cookies with filling and all those crumbs and filling disappear in his beard—in short, no regrets. I also didn't chase anymore afterwards, it's tedious. Writing about it is more fun :D

[soulmate-game]

Not related to the other two Bio!mom Harley AUs that I did. Just... similar. I wrote this instead of sleeping, as per the usual.

—*—*—*—*—*

“I need your help.”

No accent, no threats of violence, no beating around the bush (figurative or otherwise). No fighting or unconscious bodies.

Just Harley Quinn with her hair down, no makeup, and completely serious, in the center of the Bat Cave. Even though her usual exaggerated Brooklynn accent (circa 1950s) had become a pretty inseparable part of her personality over the years, every now and then she forcibly stuffed it down and used her mostly unaccented voice. The one reminiscent of days with less colors on her face, a high bun, and a pristine white lab coat.

Every single one of the Bats and Birds present, fresh from an interrupted patrol thanks to her, could count the number of times they had seen Harley like this on one hand. Bruce would have the most recollections, but everyone else would have plenty of fingers left on said hand. So they all knew, especially when Bruce willingly pulled down his cowl so he could look Harley in the eye, that this was the start of something they were not likely to forget. And maybe their chances of survival were slim too.

“Harley,” Bruce’s voice was still gruff, seeing as he was still mostly Batman at the moment, but his eyes were soft. “Maybe you should tell us what you need help with first. And sit down. You look exhausted.”

Sure enough, there were dark circles under Harley’s eyes. She let Bruce-man lead her over to one of their debriefing tables and sit her down. She let out a huge sigh, her fingers tangling in her loose blond locks.

“I have a confession, and it isn’t gonna leave this cave, capiche?” The slight return of her accent relieved a little of the tension, but not much. Taking this as their cue, the rest of the bats spread out into their usual seats at the table. Bruce stayed near Harley, keeping a hand on her shoulder in silent support. Harley didn’t continue talking until he gave her a solemn nod in agreement. She gulped— an action that immediately returned the tension.

“... fifteen years ago, back when I was still with Joker, I disappeared off the Gotham scene for a few months. I’m sure a few of you remember,” she looked up, and a couple of the older vigilantes nodded. Really, Jason has still been Robin back then. But the memory stuck out in his head now that he was thinking about it.

“Yeah, you were breaking away from him a little bit, which was weird at the time,” Red Hood mused aloud, arms crossed. “I think you helped us out a couple times and did some of your first team ups with Ivy before you vanished. Then a few months go by and you were back in action with Joker, so we mostly ignored it as you just being you.”

Harley nodded. “Ah, my Ivy’s a lifesaver, even back then. She helped cover up the timeline by keeping me in action for longer than I should’a been without putting me at too much risk.”

“Timeline…” Red Robin spoke up, eyes huge even behind his mask. “You don’t mean—“

“Harley,” Bruce breathed, having also caught on. “You were pregnant?”

The air went still. Harley sniffed, eyes watering even as she smiled.

“Oh yeah. Shouldn’t have been possible, ya know? Me ‘n Joker being dumped in that damn acid should have made us both more sterile than an operatin’ room. But I knew I couldn’t raise a kid, so after she was born—“

“You kept her?” Damian interrupted, earning a gentle cuff over the head from Dick. Harley just snorted.

“Yeah. Not gonna lie, I thought about abortion. But the baby didn’t do nothin’ wrong, and I was still in love with Joker back then so I was ecstatic that I was able to make something new with part ‘a him in it. Still, I knew a baby didn’t deserve to be raised in Gotham. Especially not my baby, not with my enemies and history. Not with who her father was. I knew he’d never want her, never let me keep her. So I spent the last five months of my pregnancy lookin’ around for the best possible family to take her in. And I found them in Paris, France. A sweet couple, both of them bakers. Sabine, she’s both adorably sweet and super kickass. Comes from a Chinese family that is crazy about teachin’ their women martial arts. But nothing shady about it, I triple checked. Just bonding through kicking people in the face. Which is perfect, I wanted my baby to know how to defend herself. I knew she’d need those skills eventually. And Tom, that’s Sabine’s wife, he’s a gentle giant. Same size as Bane, but as harmless as a puppy and makes the best croissants ever. Seriously, the best.”

“Harley,” Bruce gently prodded, but there was a tiny grin on his face. Seeing her behaving so… so normally, so proud and reminiscent, was a rare treat. Bruce would be lying if he said he wasn’t proud of how far the woman had come. How she had freed herself and become a better person, mostly on her own.

“Right, right. The point,” Harley took a breath, rubbing her forehead. “I came clean to Tom and Sabine, but apparently they knew who I was the whole time. They just didn’t care— did I mention they are perfect? Anyway, once I explained everything, they agreed immediately to adopting my baby. They’d been wanting kids, but it would’a been too risky for Sabine’s health. That’s how I found them anyway, they were in the market to adopt. We named her Marinette. She took Tom and Sabine’s last names, hyphenated. We decided Quinn would be her middle name. And after that, I came back to Gotham and told myself that she was in good hands and I needed to forget about her. Cuz I was no good for her. I knew that. I went back to my old tricks. And then…” Harley chuckled, but it was self-depreciating.

“Then a few years passed, and I started breaking away from Joker for real. Then we broke up, I blew up Ace Chemicals while you guys were outta town doing Justice League and Young Justice shit. I started dating Ivy. And—“ she smiled softly at the table, clearly seeing something the rest of them couldn’t. “Then Ivy convinced me to go see her. Visit my baby, see how she’s been. And I did. Marinette was seven years old, but damn it to hell she was gorgeous. And say whatever you want about me and Joker— most of it will even be true— but neither of us are stupid. And she inherited all of our intelligence. All of it. She got my blue eyes. But she got his hair, which meant Sabine teased me relentlessly about ‘are you sure she isn’t that Wayne’s kid?’ And don’t make that face Bruce, you’d be lucky to have a kid half as beautiful as my Mari-pie. No offense, Damian. Anyway. Anyway, this is the important part. Or part of it.

“She sat there and listened to everything I had to say. Everything. A little seven year old, who could barely understand English at the time, and she listened without interrupting once. She never threw a fit, she wasn’t angry or confused. I told her about the things I’d done in the past— well, G rated versions— and she didn’t care. She called me Momma Harley right away, said she wanted to meet Aunt Ivy sometime soon, and started telling me everything about her that I’d missed. From that day on, she became my sunshine. The light of my life, and I still call her at least once a week every week. When I disappear for a few days out of the city? I’m visiting her—“

“You’re banned from international travel, Harley,” Dick scolded, but he sounded way too amused for it to work. He knew she had her ways, anyway. Nobody could actually stop Harley damn Quinn from doing whatever she wanted.

“—Ugh, she tells me the same thing every time! Disappointed glare and everything. I don’t know how I gave birth to such a goodie goodie, but somehow I did. Not important though! The important thing is, I’m always the first to hear when something new happens in her life. And we had decided that she wouldn’t visit me in Gotham until she was at least eighteen, but apparently she disobeyed me— which I should have expected honestly— and entered you guys’ WE international scholastic competition.”

“Oh no,” Bruce pinched the bridge of her nose. “Marinette Dupain-Cheng? The contest winner?” He finally pulled out a chair and sat down. “The winner gets an all-expense paid trip to Gotham for them and their whole class.”

“Exactly!” Harley threw up her hands. “Mari told me last week, and I’ve been trying to talk her out of coming ever since. But she’s inherited both of our stubbornness too, and she isn’t budgin’ a bit. ‘Momma Harley, I wanna see you and Auntie Ivy though!’ And ‘Momma, Gotham’s nothing I can’t handle,’ or my favorite, ‘Maybe you’ll finally get to see me dropkick someone three times my size then, and I’ll prove it.’”

“So that’s what you meant by you need our help,” Tim said as he leaned forward over the table. “Joker just broke out of Arkham yesterday. You want us to protect her.”

“I’d prefer if one of you was with her outside of the mask too, as often as possible,” Harley confirmed. “I can’t stop her from coming here anymore, but I also don’t trust Joker for a second. As soon as he sees her, I’m afraid he’ll make the connection.”

“She looks like him?” Damian asked, scrunching up his nose at the ugly mental image of Joker as a teenage girl. Harley shook her head, solemn.

“She looks like a dark-haired mini-me,” she corrected. “She even keeps her hair in pigtails as her way of showing support for me. And I know Marinette can kick ass, Sabine’s trained her well. But Marinette inherited more than I’d like from me,” Harley ran a hand through her hair. “I didn’t notice it until she was thirteen. She got a crush on a classmate, and it was almost like watching videos of me back during the early days of— well, of Harley Quinn. Just without the crime and insanity. She didn’t even realize that she was almost stalking the poor kid until I pointed it out, and luckily I was able to put my doctorate to good use and we nipped that right in the bud ASAP. She never meant it that way, anyway. As soon as I explained things to her, she was horrified and immediately asked me to help her learn how to have a healthy relationship. That was a fun discussion,” Harley grimaced. “But she still gets attached to people really, really easily. Once she grew out of her crush on that boy, she adopted him as her unofficial brother. She already calls Selina “Auntie,” even though I’ve barely mentioned her to Marinette. She gets attached fast, and deeply. And I’m afraid that even after all the warning I’ve done, all the stories I’ve told her—“

“You’re afraid she’ll get attached to Joker just like you did,” Bruce finished for her, closing his eyes. “Because she knows he’s her father.”

“Yes,” Tears were slowly dripping down her face already, her hands curled into fists so tightly that her knuckles were paper white. “You know how he is. If he finds out she’s his biological daughter, he’ll immediately try to take advantage of that. And he’s far too good with his words for people like me and Mari. I’m worried outta my mind. Please. Help keep my baby safe from him.”

“We will,” Jason no longer had his helmet on, or the domino mask that he usually wore underneath it. All of them knew masks were merely formality with Harley nowadays. And he needed to look her directly in the eye so she could see how serious he was. “I can sign up as a bodyguard for the class. It won’t be weird, seeing as they’re tourists and this is Gotham. They also have several rich kids in their group if I remember right.”

Bruce nodded, agreeing with Jason. “That’s a good idea. I can lead the class on their tours of WE personally. That’ll serve the purpose of keeping an eye on her and shutting up the investors that keep begging me to make more public appearances for the sake of the company. Marinette’s name is already released to the news as the winner of the contest, so we can’t keep her out of the spotlight long. Tim, you’ll have to keep an eye on any and all pictures of the class. Try to erase or doctor the images with her in it well enough that connections between her and Harley can’t be easily made. Dick, you and Damian will be in charge of keeping an eye out for any activity from Joker. The slightest hint, and you notify all of us. We’ll decide on a case-by-case basis who is necessary to stick with the class and who goes after the clown.”

“She’s gonna sneak out of her hotel to stay with me and Ivy,” Harley admitted, bringing the (now slightly judgemental) attention back to her. She raised her hands up in surrender. “She didn’t tell me that, and I didn’t approve or suggest it! I just know my baby too well to not realize that that’s her plan. Could ya provide an escort?”

Bruce sighed. “This is gonna be an eventful month.”

[renaerys]

Okay I've got one: Prompt 15 with Reds. 🤣🤣🤣

15. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying, I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Somehow they can make even breathing a competition.

Send me a prompt and some characters! Reminder that the challenge is to make everything SFW, so we're getting creative here.

List of prompts

xxx

“So, we’ve called the paramedics and they’re on their way, but until they arrive it’s up to us. Remember the acronym, kids: C-A-B. What’s the first thing you do?”

Aiyeesha Simpson, a gunner in the making destined for academic greatness and social ruin, raised her eager hand. “Find a flat surface to lay him down!”

“Correct.” Blossom took Brick by the shoulders and shoved him down to the floor. A gaggle of Girl Scouts gathered around him as he wheezed for air.

“Ow,” he said.

Blossom patted his chest. “Please choke more quietly.”

I will end you, he thought so loudly he hoped she could hear him through the murder in his eyes. There was community service, and then there was cruel and unusual punishment. When his required hours were up and his record expunged, he was going to write a very negative Yelp review of the local Townsville Girls Scouts of America chapter and tank this year’s cookie sales. Supremely annoying, outrageously petty, and totally legal. That would teach Blossom for sure.

“Place your hands here between the nipples.”

Some of the Cadette Girl Scouts giggled. To be fair, Blossom of all people saying the word nipples in reference to her former mortal enemy as she trained a room full of twelve-year-old girls in CPR using him as the dummy was a perfect storm of absurd and kinky that he did not see coming. And now he was giggling himself, because he was a teenaged boy who thought the word nipples was funny regardless of the very clear contextual cues, and that pubescent shame was on him, one hundred percent.

Blossom, an ancient and inconveniently attractive evil resurrected in a lab for the sole purpose of making his life miserable, did not appreciate his amusement. “Push hard at a rate of 100 to 120 compressions per minute. Remember to put your bodyweight behind it, like this.”

Brick flexed, and Blossom pushed against his heart like she was trying to crush it in her hands. Once, twice, three times she administered compressions, and Brick’s eyes glowed red with impotent rage.

“Assist Blossom with her CPR lessons to her satisfaction, and we can forget this ever happened,” Mayor Bellum had promised Brick when he lost his temper and blew up an (empty) ambulance. Butch didn’t need his Super stomach pumped no matter how much he drank, so the ambulance and the four-figure bill that came with it were completely unnecessary. This defense did not convince the mayor, however.

The promise of the bill forgiven and his record cleared—and the deterrence of Aiyeesha Simpson filming the whole thing to upload to YouTube later—gave Brick the strength not to eye beam Blossom in front of the children.

“Okay, who wants to try chest compressions on the dummy?” Blossom offered to the girls.

You evil bitch, thought the aforementioned dummy.

After the third little girl properly placed her sticky, little girl hands between his nipples, Brick had had enough. “Hey, I’m still dying over here. Can we move on already? Jesus Christ.”

“Of course.” Blossom smiled, and she had never looked more terrifying.

Brick hoped Butch was suffering. He hoped he was hung over so bad he couldn’t piss standing up. He hoped Butch tried going online only to find that Brick had disconnected the Internet and cut him off from all his online games and porn because fuck Butch and his weak-ass stomach.

“Who knows what the next step is? Maybe someone other than Aiyeesha this time?”

None of the other girls seemed willing to stick their hands up. The carpet under Brick had scorched where his power leaked out in his building resentment for this entire situation. The smell of burned polyester just made him feel even more powerless to stop this.

“No? Okay, well, remember the acronym. A is for airway. You want to be careful about a possible neck injury, so gently lift the chin…”

Blossom’s hands were not sticky like the Girl Scouts’ hands, but they were cold where they touched his skin and forced his head back.

“Are the paramedics here yet?”

Brick got a tight fist in his short hair for that one, and he considered it a small victory. “No. Something about a shortage of ambulances, apparently.”

Biiiiiiiitch.

God, he was going to destroy her so bad.

“Once you’ve cleared the airway and confirmed there are no obstructions—”

“Then you kiss!”

Some girls picked up the giggling again. Blossom, ever the professional, cleared her throat. “Mouth to mouth is a life-saving procedure and not something I’d recommend doing to someone you plan to kiss.”

Wow, great advice.

Some girls still giggled and whispered to each other. Brick had a sinking feeling that this was only going to end with his embarrassment: everyone knew that the cold judgment of pre-pubescent girls was the absolute worst type of judgment a person could suffer.

“Are you gonna show us?”

“Well, I don’t think I need to show you all how to breathe—”

“It’s in the manual! You have to demonstrate every step.” Aiyeesha waved the CPR manual, and Brick realized his misjudgment. She was no vapid goody two-shoes in the making, but a future Honors Student with a secret, a Work Hard Party Harder, an Ivy League Early Decision candidate with all of senior spring semester to slack off because no one was ever going to touch her 4.3 GPA.

Aiyeesha beamed a winning smile at Brick, and it was as chilling as Blossom’s.

Jesus Christ, there are two of them.

True to form, Blossom had never been able to defy a good instructions manual. “I suppose if it says so in the manual…”

Locking lips with Blossom was not a big deal. He’d done it before when they were kids, and he could appreciate the irony of a gesture meant to save his life this time rather than end it. She didn’t even try to mess with him by using her ice breath, just went through the motions as described in the instructions. The girls were disappointed with the lack of hormonal fanfare of it all, which was probably for the best. Leave it to Blossom to make mouth to mouth the sexless, medical act it was literally intended to be. He was almost upset, because it felt like she’d won something here, which could only mean he’d lost.

Disappointed but more educated than they’d been when they’d arrived two hours ago, the Girl Scouts dispersed after the lesson, leaving Blossom and Brick to put away the equipment they’d used.

She held a dummy torso, and she was looking at him with that pinched, constipated look she got when she was about to say something especially snobby. Instead, she surprised him. “Brick, thanks for being mature about it. I can honestly say you surprised me.”

He stared at her.

“I’ll talk to Mayor Bellum. I’m sure you’ve done enough to meet your hours quota.”

He had not fulfilled even half of his required community service hours and they both knew it.

“So yeah, thanks. I can finish up here if you want to leave.”

Was she trying to get rid of him? Why?

“Brick? Why are you looking at me like that?”

When Blossom was winning, he was losing. That was simply the way of the world. So, if she was losing, it could only mean he was winning.

“Are you listening to me?”

Brick smiled in what he hoped was a cool, sexy way if he imagined looking at anyone but Blossom. “I can’t hear a word you’re saying. I just keep thinking about how good that mouth feels.”

Blossom stared. “I’m sorry?”

He would make her sorry.

“Yeah, you’re a great teacher. I could really feel your passion for demonstrating the lesson correctly. With your mouth.”

Her staring intensified. “Did you.”

“Oh, yeah.” He leaned his hip against the table like he’d seen in the movies. It worked for Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, and that guy had convinced Eva Green. Iconic. “I could really feel you trying to save me.”

Where was Aiyeesha with her phone to film this? There was so little he could do to rattle Blossom as they got older, and while the challenge delighted him, it was also exhausting being constantly a step behind her. Was this truly her demise? Had he won the Teenage Experience? Was this poetic justice for how she’d once killed him with a mere kiss, only to suffer the same fate in turn? He could have cackled. This was better than trolling the Girl Scouts of America reviews, although he might still do that because it was a genius idea and he had always indulged his own genius ideas when they came to him.

So infatuated was he with his own self-fellating digression that he was slow to react to Blossom sidling up to him. Her hand was still cold on his chin, and it sent a shiver down his spine. “Shall I save you again?”

Brick’s dignity drained with his blood, which was an unfortunate side-effect of being a teenaged boy that he would just have to suffer. But winning was about recognizing one’s weaknesses and working around them. He leaned into her personal space. “Please.”

He wasn’t sure who kissed who first, but it was happening and all he could think was I am better at this than you and I hate you and also Do that again. He tried holding her waist, and she fought back with her fingers in his hair. Not one to be deterred, Brick tried some tongue but pulled back when he tasted thirty degrees below zero. He immediately went back in because he could feel her superiority, her Got you, you horny idiot, but the joke was on her because he liked her cold, always had when it was hot as balls out and he’d make up any excuse to pick a fight with her just for the chance to cool off.

The Girl Scout troop leader walked in on them competitively making out in the classroom like it was an Olympic sport and put an end to things, leaving them at a frustrating draw for now. They said barely a word to each other when Brick glared at the troop leader so bad she flustered and didn’t even question them before running out of there with some excuse about getting the wrong room.

Later that evening, Brick caved and changed the Internet password back just so Butch would quit whining at him. He Googled kissing techniques and spent the next hour and a half watching YouTube videos and reading GQ articles about How to Please Her Like a Champion, because he was a champion and a winner and he was not going to lose to Blossom in this. Not a chance.

This had to be what they meant when they said kill with kindness.

“I’m going to end you,” he muttered to himself as he read about the top ten highest voted movie kissing scenes, which he would then stream and commit to memory in order to be fully armed and armored for the next time he encountered Blossom alone in a classroom. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe during their shared free period.

Truly, he had the most genius ideas.

xxx

If you enjoy my writing, check out more of my fics on AO3, link in my profile. I’m currently updating Trinity House and The Alchemy of Us. Thanks for reading!

[artificialqueens]

Fool for You (Crygi) - Frankenvenus

After realising she has fallen for her straight best friend, Crystal’s therapist recommends she write her crush love letters. So instead of communicating her feelings, she scribbles then down and slips them into Gigi Goode’s locker.

A/N~ I hope you like this cause it took forever. I finished it super late at night and I did read through it twice but I apologise for any errors.

Crystal stormed her way into her therapist’s office, throwing herself onto the pink sofa that she sat and rambled on for an hour and a half every week. Her therapist looked at her bemused as the blue-haired girl uttered the words, “I’m in love with my best friend.”

Her therapist, Widow, huffed out a sigh, placing her clipboard down on the coffee table in front and pushing her glasses slightly down her nose, “Well. That’s a common issue for young queer folks like yourself.”

Crystal groaned and rolled over, displaying her puffy eyes and messed up bangs, “But I thought I was immune to it.”

Widow chuckled slightly and leaned towards where Crystal lay, brushing her hair from where it stuck itself in her lip gloss, “Do you need to rant to me about it? You know that’s why I’m here, sweetie; to listen.”

The young girl groaned again before sitting up, straightening her back and recounting the events of her day.

It had started off a normal Thursday. On Thursdays, she would usually peddle to her best friend Gigi’s house before school began so they could scribble down fake absence notes for phys ed, then Gigi would hop on the back of Crystal’s bike and they’d cycle the last half mile to their high school. It was routine for them. Never weird, never crossing any lines. It had always been the two of them, best friends, since middle school. So when things shifted, it took Crystal by surprise.

“I wanna do something different today instead of just sitting in the library until Phys Ed ends. I’m sick of the librarian shutting us up. We literally aren’t even loud,” - Gigi had said, fixing her dirty blonde ponytail in the school bathroom mirror after the bike ride messed it up.

Crystal had agreed with her, before asking her if she wanted to try something new. Although Gigi was her best friend, she hung out with the stoners whilst Gigi hung out with the high-fashion Instagram girls. The dirty blonde had never tried weed, and Crystal never offered - but today she did, and Gigi was eager.

The two of them snuck to the abandoned bike shed at the back of the school, covered in ivy with smashed windows. It was a spot that only Crystal and her friends Daya, Daegen, Lux and Tiff knew, so Gigi was curious to see it.

“This is so cool,” Gigi had gaped, finding a spot in the corner while her friend rolled her a joint. Crystal had to assure her multiple times that they wouldn’t get caught, but Gigi didn’t shut up until the sizzling rice paper was placed in her mouth. The older girl talked her through how to inhale it properly, and soon enough Gigi was coughing the smoke into the air.

“Can you feel it in your chest?” Crystal had asked, and when Gigi nodded, she said, “Good. That’s how you know it worked.”

They sat there, minds foggy, trying to hold conversation despite their thought process and immediate short term memory being cut off every few seconds. At some point, their pinkies intertwined, followed by the rest of their fingers. And then, Gigi was nestling her forehead into the crook of Crystal’s neck. That’s when it all tumbled down on the latter.

The contrasting feeling of the coldness from Gigi’s skin against her own warm, buzzing skin sent jolts of emotion through her, and the gentle brush of Gigi’s wavy locks against her jaw caused her heart to squeeze itself in a way that was unfamiliar to her. It didn’t seem too serious to Crystal whilst she was still in her high, but when the effects of the weed began to fade by fifth period, the sudden feeling of need for her best friend’s touch remained in place.

Her mind kept travelling elsewhere during fifth and sixth period, which happened to be double Spanish. Jaida had to pinch her multiple times, bringing her back down to Earth. Jaida didn’t question Crystal’s behaviour too much though, because the latter wasn’t usually focused in Spanish class anyway, and that’s why she was failing.

Gigi had debate team practice after school on Thursdays, so instead of going home together the same way they would travel to school, Crystal biked alone. She had her earplugs in, blasting Clairo like usual and wondering what the hell it was that she felt today. It wasn’t until ‘Sofia’ by Clairo came on did everything click in her mind. Something about the lyrics ‘Standing here alone now, think that we can drive around, I just wanna say how I love you with your hair down’ made her realise that oh, she wanted to be able to call Gigi her own, and not just platonically. Then she almost crashed her bike.

She swerved into a fire hydrant, gratified that her bike sported thick mountain bike wheels to soften the hit. Luckily, she didn’t fall off - she just got a fright. She decided to walk her bike the rest of the way home, which thankfully wasn’t far.

When she reached home, she spread herself across her bed and allowed herself to make connections that she should’ve made before. Why else could she never take her eyes off Gigi’s plump lips? Why else did people at school assume they were a couple because they were so touchy all the time? Why else did she feel such tremendous jealousy whenever Gigi showed even the tiniest bit of romantic fondness towards someone that wasn’t her.

Her mom knocked on her door, reminding her that she had her therapy appointment in an hour, and that led back to the present.

“That seems like quite the epiphany,” Widow smiled warmly, passing Crystal a tissue box when tears began to spill over, “Normally falling for a long-term best friend is something that you realise over time, but not for you apparently.”

“I think maybe I’m just an oblivious fuck,” Crystal sniffled. “But even if I realised it today, years ago, or tens of years from now, she still wouldn’t like me back.”

“Well, I’m not your friend’s therapist, but we can’t be so quick to assume.”

“Once you see the girl, you’ll know. She’s a hardcore ten. I’m a five, at best.”

“Crystal, remember what we went over…” Widow began, and the blue-haired girl finished the sentence.

“…Instead of self-deprecation, tell yourself you’re the best person ever, no matter whether you believe it or not - yeah, I get it,” Crystal rolled her eyes, “It’s just hard when you know it’s not true.”

“Well, I have a little tip I give my clients when they’re in a similar situation to you. The whole unrequited love thing,” the older woman got up from her seat and walked towards a cabinet, pulling out a packet of fresh, plain envelopes, “I usually tell them to write their crush love notes. It’s up to them whether they send them or not, or whether it’s anonymous or not, but they can be very therapeutic when needing to express bottled up emotion. Do you see where I’m coming from?”

Crystal raised a brow and tilted her head to the side slightly, the hint of a smile on her lips. She actually didn’t mind the idea.

“That’s actually super cute,” she giggled, taking the stack of envelopes from her therapist, “Thank you.”

.

As soon as Crystal got home, she sprinted to her room and grabbed an old notebook from the back of her stationery drawer. It was a plain A5 paper notebook, but spread across each page was a ginormous red opaque One Direction logo. Crystal had got it for Christmas about a decade ago, but it had only been used a handful of times for random sketches and one draft of a Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles fanfiction.

She grabbed an ink fine-liner from her art pot which she would normally use for her pointillism artwork and began the first letter.

You don’t know who I am. Well, you do but like, not who is writing this. I hope you aren’t scared or anything - cause that’s the last thing I wanna do. I promise I’m not a freak. Well, I sorta look like one but, I know you aren’t one to be bothered by that kind of thing. It’s beautiful, you know. The way people look at you and assume you’ll hate them for who they are cause you’re so pretty and popular, but then you’re just as wonderful on the outside as you are within. That look on your face when you meet a new person drives me nuts. The way you look like you’ve swallowed the sun. Radiant. Always.

Sometimes I wish I could just tell you how I feel about you to your face, but I think you might faint out of disgust. You do that a lot. I sound like a stalker, but I promise I’m not. I think I’m just smitten.

She finished the letter, reading it over to make sure her handwriting looked unrecognisable. Although Gigi wasn’t the most observant person, she and Crystal were so familiar with each other that she was bound to notice her unique handwriting. She also made sure to spray it with an old perfume that she never wore, so Gigi wouldn’t connect their scents. Gigi always made comments about how she loved Crystal’s perfume, so the blue-haired girl had to take precautions. Her strong scent of cocoa and vanilla was bound to rub off on the paper, so she sprayed it with a men’s cologne that she had likely shoplifted years prior, spraying it onto the paper from a distance.

Although Widow had given her the option not to post the letters, Crystal felt like the weight of her crush wouldn’t be eased unless she actually posted it. So, she placed it into the envelope and slipped it into Gigi’s locker the next day at school when the blonde wasn’t around, her heart pounding in her ears with anticipation and verve.

She sat through her first class of the day, social studies with Daya, desperately trying to take her mind off the painful wait. Daya ranted to her about dinosaurs and how everyone’s perception of how they looked was wrong, but Crystal hardly paid attention. She would nod every so often, just so Daya wasn’t insulted, but she wasn’t really in the conversation.

After social studies, she shared a free period with Gigi. She made her way to their meeting spot in the library after the bell dismissed them from their first period, and sooner than she would’ve liked, Gigi was marching across the library towards her with the smuggest grin on her face.

“Oh my God Crystal Elizabeth you will never guess what I just found in my locker,” she squealed as quietly as possible, sliding into the seat opposite Crystal’s.

“What?” Crystal raised a brow, her mouth full of skittles. Now here was the hardest part - pretending to be shocked.

Gigi reached into her blazer pocket and pushed the familiar envelope towards the older girl, who plastered a confused look on her face. The dirty blonde gestured for her to open it, so she complied. She pulled out the letter that was already likely covered in her own fingerprints and unfolded it with a faux-expression of excitement.

“What the fuck is this?” she chuckled, trying to suppress the shake in her fingers as she held the letter.

“A letter. From a secret admirer,” Gigi beamed, placing her beautiful shaped chin into her palm and flashing her angelic white teeth. Wow, Crystal was more whipped than she thought.

“This is so dumb,” she lied blatantly, and to her surprise, Gigi frowned.

“You think so? I think it’s so sweet. And shit… whoever wrote it has a way with words,” she exhaled, tugging her plump, peachy lower lip between her teeth.

Crystal’s breathing hitched and she felt her skin redden. She assumed Gigi would find it painfully corny, but it seemed like she felt the opposite. The blonde promptly took the letter back from Crystal’s grasp, taking a look at it once more. The older girl wished she was imagining the blush that began to cover Gigi’s face, but it was definitely there.

“I hope they write again. I wanna play Nancy Drew,” Gigi smiled sheepishly, taking Crystal’s hand suddenly, “Will you help me, you know, try and crack the code?”

“Sure!”

Fuck. Crystal felt like Hannah Montana.

.

They spent Saturday together, drinking on Crystal’s roof and gossiping about their own respective friend groups, however, the conversation kept moving back towards the letter. Gigi was conflicted on whether or not she knew the person, but her repetitive use of he and him pronouns when she referred to the secret admirer caused Crystal’s blood to simmer.

When Gigi left the next morning after spending the night on Crystal’s couch, the blue-haired girl was quick to begin her second letter.

I hope these letters haven’t made you uncomfortable in any way. The look on your face when you read it tells me they haven’t though. What I want to tell you though, is that I’m not what you think. I hate to disappoint you, but I’m not a boy. I’m a girl. I don’t know if you like girls. If not; I’m sorry, but if you do; so do I. I like you a lot. All I want is to make you smile.

She spent Sunday at the skatepark, smoking with Daya, Daegen, Lux and Tiff, before slipping the note into Gigi’s locker first thing on Monday morning. The two of them, as well as Gigi’s friends Nicky and Jaida, all shared music class first period of Mondays. Whilst Crystal was pulling her viola out of its case, Gigi suddenly began dangling the envelope in front of her nose.

“Another one!” Gigi grinned, her voice cracking with adorable excitement. She took a seat beside Crystal and opened it. “I haven’t read it yet.”

Crystal watched her friend’s face with anticipation whilst she read the letter aloud, quiet enough that surrounding people wouldn’t hear. Gigi’s eyes widened as she read it over, and her grin faltered into an unreadable expression.

“What does it say?” Crystal questioned nervously.

“The person who wrote it isn’t a guy,” Gigi sighed, scratching the top of her head, “It’s a girl.”

The tanned girl pursed her lips, not knowing what to say next.

“Wow, uh. So… what do you think about that then?” she queried stupidly.

“About what?”

“You know… a girl liking you…”

The blonde crossed her legs and looked away from Crystal, “A pair of tits isn’t gonna stop me from loving this girls way of words. The anonymity is sexy. I should’ve known a man wouldn’t have the mental capacity to do something so romantic.”

This could not be real. Crystal felt like she was lucid dreaming.

“So you like… girls?” she pressed.

Gigi turned to her with a glint in her eye, “No gender or sex will stop me from wanting to kiss someone pretty.”

Oh.

“What? Are you homophobic or something?” Gigi added, and Crystal simply laughed.

”As if! Have you seen me? I think I should get ‘flaming lesbo’ tattooed on my cheek. I just didn’t know about you…” Crystal rushed out before she could even think about it. Never did she think she would come out in that way. In her mind, for most of her life, she had anticipated coming out in a very deep, emotional way - likely crying on Gigi’s bed. This was nothing of the sort.

“You’re a lesbian? Wow. I should’ve known,” the blonde simpered, and Crystal shoved her shoulder playfully.

.

When my therapist recommended I write these, I thought it would help me get over you, but fuck I think I’m falling harder for you. That floral outfit you wore yesterday was so cute. When you walked into class, it lit the whole room up. You truly are God’s favourite, huh? Just kidding I don’t believe in God, but whoever sculpted you took their time.

“Crystal look at this one! This is the most poetic piece of artwork I have ever read,” Gigi gaped, rushing towards Crystal after the latter had waited outside her human biology class for her.

The older girl took the letter and read through it, biting hard on her lower lip whilst Gigi watched with a smile, “It’s cute,” she said.

“It isn’t just cute! It’s… beguiling!”

“Do you even know what that means?”

The blonde groaned as they began to walk through the hallways together.

“I think you’re jealous because no one is writing you captivatingly beautiful love letters.”

Crystal shrugged and continued walking, eventually bumping into Daegen and going for a much-needed smoke. The blue-haired girl didn’t want to come off as cold to her best friend, but she feared that if she said too much, Gigi would make the connection. She smoked in silence, allowing Daegen to rant about her weekly argument with Daya that would likely be resolved by Friday. Occasionally she would nod, but she kept quiet.

It was surprising to Crystal that Gigi appreciated the letters so much. She thought the blonde would find them creepy and stalker-like, and perhaps fear for her own safety, but the opposite reaction was apparent. So now Crystal didn’t know what to do. Gigi was falling for her words, but she didn’t know it was her.

Apparently Daegen had been saying something because suddenly the girl was snapping her pink acrylic covered fingers in front of her eyes.

“Are you listening to me, Crys? I asked what you were planning on doing for Halloween this Friday?”

Oh. Crystal had almost forgotten that she had been working on her Corpse-bride inspired Halloween costume since July, putting her entire soul into the concept and causing her fingers to bleed with the many late nights of sewing layers of tulle. Everything with Gigi must have been really getting in her head - so much so that she forgot about the object of her whole summer.

She was too old for trick or treating now, unfortunately, but she had been planning to have a small get-together (edging on a party) with her remote friend group as well as others. Gigi had promised to attend, after spending the last two Halloweens with the popular kids getting shitfaced at college parties.

“Don’t you remember? I’m throwing a party. My dad is out of town for work and my mom is spending time with our grandma. The house will be empty,” Crystal grinned, puffing a cloud of smoke into the air.

“Crystal Lucia Elizabeth throwing a party? Who would’ve thought,” Daegen smirked, “Is Geege coming?”

“Yup,” Crystal said, her smile faltering slightly as she popped the ‘p.’ Daegen didn’t press on, so soon they were both putting their cigarettes out and heading to their next class.

Word of Crystal’s Halloween party spread like a virus, and the prominent conversation around the school was what everyone was wearing. Thankfully for Crystal, most of her friends were art kids, so instead of wearing a slutty (insert random occupation) costume, they’d all be wearing actual thought-out looks.

At lunchtime, Crystal and Gigi sat under the bleachers together, sipping Yakults and talking about their days. The blue-haired girl asked Gigi what she’d be wearing to her Halloween party, but the blonde wouldn’t tell her.

“It’s a surprise.” her eyes were glinting smugly. Gigi was a seamstress, and everyone knew it. She would create intricately designed, beautiful outfits and sell them to big names on Instagram. Crystal often wondered why she hadn’t just dropped out of school, considering it seemed like she had a strong career set in stone.

But oh boy, Crystal knew whatever it was that Gigi was planning to wear would sweep her off her feet. Figuratively and literally - she was quite clumsy.

.

I can’t wait to see you at the Halloween party tomorrow. I know you’re going to look ethereal. You always do. It’s so hard to look at you without kissing you. I don’t know why I would ever think you would kiss me considering I’m not even half as pretty as you, but I will continue to manifest it as long as you’re in my life. I think I love you.

“She said she loved me in yesterday’s letter,” Gigi shouted through the wind, holding onto Crystal’s waist tight as the latter peddled through the neighbourhood.

“Do you love her?” Crystal replied, thankful that her friend was unable to see her expression at that moment. She couldn’t think straight with Gigi holding her in that way.

“I mean. I guess I have to talk to her face to face. For all I know she can’t speak for shit in real life. She said she’s going to your party tonight. Maybe all will be revealed…”

Crystal breathily laughed out a response as she turned into the school gate. She knew she wasn’t ready to come clean yet. Gigi would simply have to wait another day.

The day passed in a blur. The girls skipped Phys Ed as per usual, but instead returned to the library again for extra revision instead of going back to the bike sheds to get high like last time.

Friday night took a painfully long time to come, but when it did, Crystal could hardly breathe the entire day. She managed to flirt her way out of sixth-period history so she was able to speedily bike her way home to make a start on her eccentric Halloween makeup. People were set to begin arriving at 9 pm, and there wasn’t much preparation to be done aside from throwing a couple of fake cobwebs around the place and placing stacks of red solo cups on the kitchen counter. Her makeup would take at least an hour and a half, so as soon as she got home she took a five-minute shower before beginning the look.

She painted her entire body a silvery grey before carving out strong cheekbones with black paint, giving her an undead appearance. She shaped her brows in a way that would make her look constantly mournful. She slipped her dress on, threw on four different silver necklaces, pulled her voluminous black wig over her head, and clipped the vail to it carefully. After admiring her masterpiece through her phone camera for a few minutes, the doorbell rang. It was Lux and Tiff, who had texted to say they were arriving early.

“Oh my God,” Crystal squealed as she opened the door, revealing the two girls. Both of them were dressed in beige prison outfits, and it quickly clicked to her that they were supposed to be Alex and Piper from Orange Is the New Black. “Lesbians, I assume,” she grinned, but the two girls in front of her were too busy gaping at her own outfit.

“Wow. You are Tim Burton’s wet dream,” Tiff said, pushing past Crystal and entering her home.

“No, I’m not. I’m not white, remember,” Crystal joked.

Lux had brought her large overpriced speaker to blast music. She heaved it into the living room and plugged it in, immediately starting to blast Stupid Love cause she was that girl.

Luckily for Crystal, her neighbourhood adored her. Her street was predominantly old women, but instead of constantly yelling at Crystal for dressing slutty, partying and smoking weed on her roof, they would simply envy her recklessness.

After an hour of pre-shots, people began to arrive. Most people brought their own alcohol, but it was clear that many of them were already drunk before they even arrived. Crystal remained in the foyer, leaning against the wall, singing along to Lux’s music and answering the doorbell whenever it rang. Every time the ringing echoed across the house, she’d subconsciously pray Gigi was on the other side, but for the first two hours, it never was.

Nicky, Jaida and Gigi all arrived at once, and Crystal felt herself get cotton mouth for a second when she looked over them all. Nicky was dressed in a basic white gown with her blonde hair down, however, she was absolutely drenched in fake blood and she wore a small prom queen tiara and sash. It was obviously a Carrie cosplay, and Crystal adored it. Jaida had her entire body painted green and wore a black catsuit over it, cosplaying as Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy.

Crystal complimented their costumes first, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Gigi. Her Halloween costume wasn’t as bold as they had been in the previous years, but there was something about it that took Crystal’s breath away. The blonde had her hair down and curled in smooth waves and she was wearing a loose white dress with a victorian-Esque corset pulling her waist in impossibly tight. She had dripped wax below her eyes, giving a crying illusion, and her makeup was a shimmery purple, making her look angelic. Yes - that was her costume - an angel. Strapped across her back was the largest pair of faux feather angel wings Crystal had ever seen. They were reminiscent of the ones a Victoria’s Secret models would wear, and they shimmered under the moonlight.

“Holy fuck…” Crystal blurted, before squeaking slightly.

“I know right? They’re so fucking heavy,” Gigi giggled before hopping in and air-kissing Crystal on each cheek, “You look so good, girl.”

“Thanks,” Crystal smiled, deciding that she would no longer be taking doorbell duty. She wanted to enjoy herself, so she walked through to the kitchen where Daya was doing body shots with some guy she had never seen before and promptly decided to join her.

Every so often, she would catch Gigi dancing and knocking things over with her wings. She didn’t mind if Gigi ended up shattering a vase. She would glue up every fragment of china for her.

After her second shot, Crystal made her way to the living room with Daegen to observe people’s dancing, and that’s when she saw them.

There was this guy from Gigi’s geography class that she never shut up about. His name was Toby, and he was one of those ‘hipster boys.’ He was a self-proclaimed feminist but probably cried about rejections from women on the internet. Every time Crystal saw his lanky frame enter a room, she felt sick and fantasized about decking him. There was something about him that was just so irritating to her, and every time he stuck his tongue out at her friend or wiggled his eyebrows like a fucking loser, Crystal wanted to cave in on herself.

And there he was, in her home, dancing with her best friend to ‘If You’re Too Shy’ by The 1975, grinding against her cause her angel wings were too large for the roles to be reversed. Gigi was biting her lip and grinning wide - evidently drunk - and she flipped her hair and bounced to the upbeat synth. Nicky was cheering her on from the couch, and Crystal wished she could just shut the party down. So much for Gigi falling in love with her words? Now she was grinding over some flimsy incel that looked like he would have to be pegged by a woman in bed.

It only got worse from there. The blonde caught Crystal’s eye and she walked up to her slowly, her hand still intertwined with Toby’s. Her words were so slurred that the older girl almost didn’t catch them, but she heard Gigi say: “Hey Toby was wondering if your bedroom was free? All the other ones are occupied but I’m desperateeee.”

Crystal had to hold back the mouthful of vomit threatening to spill from her lips. Gigi was so incredibly drunk, and it seemed like Toby was sober, so the entire endeavour didn’t sit right with her at all. She mentally cursed herself for being so generous, because before she could even register what she was doing, she was pulling a small key out of her bra and Gigi and Toby were rushing their way upstairs.

“Fuck, Crys. Have some respect for yourself,” she mumbled when she was out of earshot from her friend. Decidedly, she made her way to the garden where she knew Daegen was smoking with Tiff. She had to ease her mind.

.

“Fuck, Goode, you’re so hot,” Toby grunted, carelessly pulling Gigi’s wings off her arms. Gigi’s mind was hazy and she couldn’t think or speak properly, so she wasn’t able to tell the boy that the wings were handmade and extremely fragile.

“Thanks,” she slurred as he began to undress her, “Wait.”

“What?”

“Let me try and find a condom.”

She hopped off Crystal’s bed and somehow managed to find her way to her friend’s chest of drawers. She found panties and tampons among many other things, but she couldn’t find a condom. She reached the final drawer and frantically poked around for one. Then she grabbed something, and suddenly she sobered up.

It was a red A5 notepad with a black swirly binder. On the red cover, Gigi spotted five faces; Zayn, Niall, Liam, Harry and Louis. She chuckled slightly, before opening the notebook. Her heart dropped. If the familiar 1D watermark print paper wasn’t enough to make the connection, the titular scribble saying ‘Love letter for Geege draft’ at the top sealed it.

“Are you okay, Gigi?” she heard Toby ask from the bed.

The blonde paused and furrowed her brow, not sure what to do next. “Um. I can’t do this. Sorry.”

“But it was gonna be so good… You look so fine…” “Not tonight, Toby. Sorry.”

Her tone was serious, and Toby knew not to cross her. The boy watched as she pulled her dress and wings back on, and squinted his eyes when she saw a small red notebook in her hands.

“What’s that?” he pressed.

“Get out. Crystal wouldn’t want you in her room.”

After muttering a few disgusting insults under his breath, he left the room, leaving Gigi alone on her best friend’s bed with an overwhelming amount of thoughts.

Downstairs, Crystal had a growing concern as to where Gigi was, because she swore she saw Toby leave with another girl on his arm. Instead of being petty, she decided to be a good friend and creep up the stairs. To her surprise, her bedroom door was wide open. Upon entering, she realised it was empty. And then she saw the small A5 One Direction notebook wide open on her bed, and knew it was time to shut the party down.

It didn’t take more than fifteen minutes to get everyone out, but she was still met with groans of annoyance due to it only being little after midnight. Daya stayed back to help Crystal clean up, but the blonde knew something was wrong.

“Crys? What happened?” she asked, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. Her other hand was occupied with a large bin bag filled with chip packets, put-out cigarettes and paper cups.

The small motion of comfort caused Crystal to break down, tears tumbling down her cheeks and creating streaks in her white face paint. Patches of caramel skin showed through as she cried more and more.

“No one… touched you… did they?” Daya questioned, dropping the trash bag and wrapping her arms around her friend’s waist.

“No,” Crystal sobbed, “I don’t really wanna talk about it. I’m fine. I just have to figure out a couple of things.”

“Do you need me to stay over?”

“No. It’s fine. I need some alone time.” The house was back to its usual state after twenty minutes, then D aya’s Lyft arrived and she left. Crystal found herself in front of her vanity, scrubbing at her face with cotton pads in an attempt to remove her many layers of makeup. She turned on her ‘Sad Girl Hours’ Spotify playlist whilst she cleaned herself up and continued playing it when she slid into the bath.

Gigi knew.

She couldn’t even think about why Gigi was snooping about in her drawers, she just knew that Gigi knew. Gigi finally made the connection. Crystal’s mask of hiding behind her romantic words was gone. There was no coming back from this. Part of her wanted to slide her body down the white acrylic bathtub surface, submerging herself in the water and remaining there until her lungs couldn’t function without another breath.

Instead, she simply sat there, neck and below beneath the steaming water, eyes shut. Her mind swarmed with escape plans. Would transferring to another school be worth it? Her current school was the best in the district. Should she give it up merely to run away from her problems? Should she face the issue head-on and talk about it with Gigi? Yes. Will she? Absolutely not.

She clambered out when the steam from the water began to make her dizzy. She straightened her blue hair every morning, but it had returned to its curly, frizzy state when it became dampened by the water. She rang it out into the sink using a hand towel, droplets of water falling from her naked frame. Everything was calm. The only thing that could be heard was the occasional sniffle - for Crystal was still crying sightly.

But, like all things, the peace came to an end when Crystal heard a clattering noise come from her bedroom. She yanked a towel from behind the bathroom door before hesitantly making her way back to her room, gasping when she saw someone climbing through her window. Instinctively, she grabbed a tennis racket that was hanging in the corner of her room.

“Jesus Christ - put that down!” the intruder gasped, and Crystal realised that it wasn’t an escaped prisoner coming to steal her and hold her captive in their trunk - it was Gigi.

Part of Crystal wanted to hit Gigi across the head with the racket painstakingly hard so the blonde’s memory would be wiped, forgetting the humiliating events of the day, but instead, Crystal just placed the racket down and covered herself tensely. She was still in her towel, and her hair was still dripping down her shoulders. She likely looked a mess, but it was too dark to notice.

“It’s almost 3 am…” Crystal whispered. Although she didn’t ask anything, it was clear her statement meant ‘why are you here?’

Gigi’s eyes trailed over to the blue-haired girl’s bed where the notebook still sat. Crystal had been afraid to touch it.

“Listen, if you’re going to ridicule me, do it on Monday, cause I’m too tired for this-” the older girl began, but Gigi stepped closer towards her.

The blonde had removed her costume and had her face now bare of any makeup. She was just stood there in black sports leggings and a pink sweater that was three sizes too large, swallowing up her slender frame. Her hair was damp and now in plaits, and her eyes were as puffy and tear-stained as Crystal’s, yet somehow still so beautiful.

“I’m not going to ridicule you, Crys,” she whispered, “I just wanna know… Was it you all along?”

Crystal didn’t wanna say it. Her body had never burned so bad, despite being bare and dripping with water. It was impossible to look Gigi in the eye, so instead, she looked at the gathering dust on the floor, gulping instead of responding.

“Answer me, Crys.” - she was getting closer.

“I don’t know if I can- if I can say it-” Crystal stumbled, her voice cracking under pressure.

Gigi stepped into Crystal’s bubble suddenly, reaching for the latter’s shaky hand. She took it in her own and pressed a soft kiss to it. “Don’t be scared to talk to me. We are best friends, remember. We vowed to always be transparent with one another - so I need you to tell me.”

After too long, Crystal finally met Gigi’s sparkling blue gaze. She swallowed back yet another lump in her throat before nodding. “It was me. I wrote them. All of them.”

The older girl swore she heard Gigi’s breathing hitch, but if the blonde was shocked in any way, she didn’t show any sign of it.

“I wanted to believe it was you, but when you seemed so disinterested in the letters, I began to question it. I never knew that you could write in such a way, Crys,” Gigi smiled sadly, reaching over to catch a tear spilling from Crystal’s eye with her thumb. The touch seemed to burn, sending electrifying sensations through both of them. “Did you truly mean everything you wrote in those letters or was it all a big joke to make me feel special?”

Crystal gasped slightly and furrowed her brow.

“Gigi Goode… You are special. When we got high during Phys Ed and you were all touchy I- I realised that I liked you. Even though it hasn’t been long since I realised it, I know my attraction to you has been there from the start. It started to become impossible to be around you without telling you how I felt, so I wrote it down in letters and hoped I could send the feeling away.”

Crystal was crying now - hard. She was a crier, and everyone knew it, but there was something about the quiet whimpers escaping her lips at that moment that took Gigi off guard.

“I wish you would’ve told me but, I can’t blame you. It’s terrifying,” Gigi sighed, stepping even closer. “I can’t even begin to explain how those letters made me feel, Crys. They made me feel like I hold some significance in somebody’s life. That someone might want me. That I am good enough for someone. You made me feel all that.”

In a bold move, Crystal was reaching towards her friend and tucking an escaped wisp of blonde hair behind her ear, “I can’t imagine a world where you aren’t good enough, Geege.”

“Your letters made me feel so loved,” Gigi sniffled. “Do you love me, Crystal?”

Crystal parted her lips, her hand still lingering by the side of Gigi’s face. It was a make or break moment.

“Yes,” she breathed, and then Gigi was leaning in.

The blonde paused before their lips could meet, looking for a sign of approval in her friend’s eyes. Crystal nodded, and that gave Gigi what she needed to finally press her lips against the former’s frown. They instantly became so content like that, lips moving together so perfectly like they just fit.

It was so gentle, to begin with, Crystal’s hand barely touching the side of Gigi’s face - but then the blonde’s fingers grabbed the top of Crystal’s arm, pulling her closer and prying her mouth open with her tongue. Their lips shifted clumsily against each other, but it still felt so right. Crystal tasted like teardrops and pineapple juice, and Gigi tasted like mint.

As the kiss became more and more heated, Crystal figured out what to do with her free hand. She took Gigi’s hand and led her towards the knot that held her towel together, staring at the blonde with dark, lustful eyes.

“I want you,” Crystal said, like it was a promise, “I need you.”

“I’m yours,” Gigi replied, pulling the knot loose and watching as the towel dropped by Crystal’s feet, showing off tanned curves glistening in water drops, begging to be marked.

They pulled one another in once again in a knee-weakening kiss, their noses colliding with each other as the passion fogged their minds. Soon, they were falling onto Crystal’s bed, and Crystal was watching whilst Gigi undressed herself in front of her.

“Promise me we’ll do this, and then we will talk everything out?” Crystal asked whilst Gigi was pulling her leggings off.

The blonde pressed a gentle kiss against Crystal’s cheek before whispering, “Of course. I love you.”

While Crystal watched Gigi hook a naked leg over her own, all she could think was: Widow VonDu needs a pay rise.

[uglybrother]

this is for ivy, @purdymow44 everyone else, keep walkin!!

i’m not saying i ship cockles, i’m saying i think it’s real. i have no opinion on their relationship subjectively. this is objective fact-gathering LMAO. so here are the most convincing pieces of Evidence~~ (bolding the most damning)

So Misha Is Clearly Queer. Jackles is Queer Too.

so this panel moment. Jackles literally falls over laughing at the idea that Misha could be straight. They make eye contact and smile -_- 

leg pop. hhhhhh

so he’s willing to do gay p*rn. -__- 

jarpad accidentally outing jensen

UPDATE 2/15: the EXTREME vague language, including lack of pronouns, when talking about "the one"

They Look Married ???

Eyes Like the Sky beer ughhhh

matching rings that misha wears on the same finger as his wedding ring.

misha's own mother knows about and participates in fueling the cockles fire

it's a family friendly story, jensen assures jarpad

celebrating their ten year anniversary

And They Make So Many Sex Jokes It’s Annoying

hiii Goodbye Stranger gag reel :-))

enough with the blow job motion we get it (the link on ‘enough,’ the bottom right gif, right after that is when Misha says ‘I think I have PTSD’)

he can’t think of anything appropriate to say huh. 

butt sex joke :/ i’m so sorry ivy. 

i hate jackles so much.

jackles showing his underwear to misha on stage -____- i can't find the right post now, that set missed this moment, but apparently what he said to misha that wasn't audible was "i'm beary horny" (based on amateur lip-reading so take with a spoonful of salt)

there is just so much going on here i don't know what to explain. first there's the "i enjoy showing my crotch to you." then there's "let's see how deep it goes." and then he spreads his legs like that and when misha tells him to stop he does it AGAIN and says "pick a leg." HUH?? what is going on

freud would look at this and say "see??"

"he would ride me all day"

jensen is very "submissive" which is a comment misha has said a FEW times

jared is always making jokes about them being together and shit, but jensen almost always just ignores it. but here's an instance where he actually escalates the joke

Awkward Teenage Dating Stage

yknow how people love to embarrass their crushes. context: he tweeted this picture at 1:11 AM saying "jensen jus let me take this picture of him shirtless" and then immediately deleted the picture. but the tweet with the (broken) link is still up. :?

yknow how people act super enthusiastic around their crushes or teases them a bit too hard, when everyone else around them acts normal abt it? exhibits A and B and C

yknow how you try to impress your crush by taking on aspects of their personality so they like u more? so that u are more like them? exhibits A and B

blushing and giggling n shit 🙄

they recreated the scene from Hitch, and Jensen was blushing n smiling n shit 🙄 this was after he was in a shitty mood and they had to bring misha on stage to cheer him up. (they did NOT have to go that far/hard w/ the fake kiss tho)

getting jealous when your crush gives attention to someone else

when u want to show affection to ur crush but don't want it to be too obvious so u show affection to EVERYONE !

"what's a boy to do?"

literally wots all this. spoiler alert??? "you look really nervous" ??

now i could excuse one weird almost-kiss thing, but TWO??

How Much of Destiel is Just Cockles Bleeding Through??

they are proud of their chemistry -__-

hiii Goodbye Stranger gag reel :)

I’m Just Tender and Yearning

kissing :( 

laughing together :( 

banter and playful fighting :(

get someone who looks at you like—

teddy bear and puppy :(

touching :( plus jensens little smile in bottom right :(

Does This Tinhat Make Me Look Sexy?

misha is ALMA! plus u can look at the photos i posted on IG to see more examples lolll

Miscellaneous??

Misha obviously knows about all the theorizing. his mom actually sent him that link lmao. it just makes one wonder.

not only is jensen down to make a "european" (gay porn) film, he also wants to do a western romcom with misha specifically

[queerbutstillhere]

Are you still taking prompts? If you are, #47 timkon?

47. “I’ve been in love with you for years.”

Do you know that feeling? The one that creeps under your skin and replaces the marrow in your bones? The one that curls in the pit of your stomach and squeezes at your beating heart? That feeling that makes you feel like you are flying, but also that you're going to crash to the ground at any moment without warning and there's nothing you can do to stop it? And do you know what it feels like, to always have that feeling, for years?

Tim Drake does.

He knows, and it hurts. It hurts so bad, but it also feels so so good. He wouldn't ever want to be without it. It's as familiar to him as an old friend, or a brother. It's a natural as breathing. He wouldn't know what to do without that feeling.

So why does he try so damn hard to shove it down?

This feeling, this freeing, and yet suffocating feeling. It is the feeling of being in love. It's the feeling of loving someone so close to you, that you're too afraid to tell them. It's the feeling of when a crush has gone on for too long and you realize it's no longer a silly school yard crush. You're in love. It's the feeling of being in love with your best friend and having to choke it down and hide it and tell the feeling to leave you alone, even if the thought of being without it makes you want to cry at night.

And it wasn't like Conner was straight, by any means. Tim had witnessed the bi disaster making out with guys and girls at parties (sometimes within seconds of each other), so that wasn't the issue. No the issue was the fact that Tim shouldn't be having these feelings. Conner was his best friend! He'd known the teen since he had been "born". Bart and Cassie were both really close to him, sure. But nothing came close to the bond he had formed with Conner. He couldn't describe it.

But still. Every time he looked at Kon, there was that warm curling feeling in his stomach. Followed shortly by a sharp spike of fear at the thought of ever telling Kon. Every time he saw Kon out with someone else, especially romantically, it made him feel sick with jealousy, and then he got mad that he was jealous. He had no right to act like that.

He had no plans of ever telling Kon anyway.

So he probably should find Pamela and thank her for those damn hormone pheromones that he was exposed to and gave him no other option.

He'd been covering for Bruce and Damian, right? The two were out of town for some reason or another, and things of course started going crazy, starting with Poison Ivy breaking out of Arkham. He couldn't reach Jason or Dick, so he did the next think he thought of and called Kon. Why? Because Kon was always willing to help. And sure enough, he showed up ten minutes later and followed Tim's motorcycle across town to the little warehouse he had tracked Poison Ivy too. She had wrapped him up in vines within five minutes and then turned her attention towards seducing Superboy.

"Little red over there has no interest in me, I can tell, but you on the other hand..." she hummed out, walking up to the super who was being dangled upside down by vines.

"Superboy, resist it!" Tim hissed out, struggling to reach one of his knives.

"You want to find out if these pheromones work on Kryptonians?"

Now Kon, being the absolute Himbo he is, just huffed a huge breath of air at her as she started to blow the pheromones at him. Which in theory works great, not quite so in practice when your partner is tied up directly downwind. Tim yelped and then squeezed his eyes and mouth shut, holding his breath as the gust of wind hit him. But he knew that wouldn't work. He had too much exposed skin, it would just sap through there. Who knows, maybe Bruce's last round of inoculants would protect him. He heard a yelp and a solid thump and then the familiar sound of Kon's heat vision. The vines loosened on their own, and then suddenly arms were grabbing him, pulling him up.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Fine for now."

Tim wiped his face off with his cape, looking around and seeing Pamela crumpled on the floor.

"Tie her up and I'll take her back to Arkham."

Tim nodded and did so, ziptying her hands and legs together. Kon scooped her up and took off. Tim just looked around at the dying vines, called GCPD, and then walked out, trying to ignore the growing uncomfortableness.

Kon found him twenty minutes later at the batcave, meticulously logging the incident.

"Poison Ivy is back in prison, and the guards are absolutely dumbfounded as to how it happened."

"It was Jason."

"What?"

"I looked at the video footage while you were gone. It was Jason. He wanted a distraction while he threw a heist on the other side of town."

"Oh."

Kon walked over and put a hand on the back of Tim's chair, leaning forwards to look at the computer a little better. Tim could smell him. He smelled like sweat and plants and his cheap cologne. Kon's fingers brushed his shoulder, and his heavily aroused body jolted at the touch, his heart rapidly picking up. He just grit his teeth and held his gaze on the computer.

"Are you okay?"

Don't respond, just work. Just stay under the desk and you're fine.

"Tim?"

"I'm okay."

"Your heart is going crazy, are you- Oh shit. The pheromones. I didn't even think about it."

Tim did his best to glare, but it was a little hard with how he wanted to jump on Kon and kiss him and have his hands-

"I'm fine," he bit out.

"No you're not, dude. Are you just gonna let yourself suffer?!"

"If I have too."

Kon huffed in annoyance, yanking Tim's chair back.

"You need to not be stuck at a computer, Tim."

"Kon, my situation will not change based on my location."

"It might."

Kon reached down and easily picked up Tim, turning towards the stairs. Tim squirmed away and fell to the floor, landing in a crouch and easily popping up.

"Tim!" Kon protested, waving at him dramatically. "Look at yourself!"

"I'm painfully aware of my current physical condition, Conner!"

"How can you do this to yourself?!"

"Very easily, believe it or not!" Tim snapped, turning to walk towards the locker room.

"How!?"

"Because I can."

"Tim."

"Fine! You wanna know how?!" Tim whirled around to Kon, stalking towards him.

"Yes! I would!"

"Because I've been in love with you for years!"

Kon's mouth fell open, and he went silent as he stared at Tim with wide eyes.

"oh," he said softly.

Tim just spun away and continued walking off.

"Wait, Tim!"

Tim didn't wait this time, just went into the locker room and start undoing all the buckles and straps on his uniform. And then the door banged shut. He turned to see Kon walking in, and opened his mouth to speak. Only Kon walked right up to him, grabbed him by the shoulders and pressed him up against the wall, immediately kissing him. Tim panicked for a moment before kissing him back, a hand coming up to his chest.

"You dumbass. You know how long I've been trying to get your attention?" Kon huffed out as he pulled away.

"W-wait. You?"

"Yes. Geesh. I'm in love with you too.

"Oh," Tim breathed out, staring up into blue eyes.

"Yeah, now do you want some help with this or no?"

Tim huffed a little laugh. "I guess, I won't say no."

"Good because I've been dying to do this."

This, apparently, was lifting Tim up and pressing him against the wall and heavily making out.

Send me a prompt!

[datawyrms]

Still Robophobic?

Chapter 2  while crawling through all of K1-B0′s text so I can inanely chatter and make depth that probably wasn’t there because it makes me happy. and you can’t stop me. Once again I am serious this is all of his text so this is LONG. (and if you didn’t read my first super long post covering Prologue/ch1, you might want to do that first) someone make me work on my fics lol

Also I totally just realized Keebo is totally hiding behind Himiko after Monokuma’s return to life and I just MISSED HIM lol. He trusts Kaede and Shuichi, even when they’re being sketchy as heck and says he’ll think of plans too, because more plans are better than less. shame upon me for overlooking more of his trusting and trying to help nature. MOVING ON.

Cold open with the funeral that starts at Kaede’s portrait so you think it’s current but no this is for our viewing pleasure only...Gonta finds the horse a hint...Kaito abuses a doorbell and shepherds Shuichi out of the room...get to the dining hall and Keebs is muttering questions so he can be the first one talking in a scene again!

K1-B0: Writing...? Gonta: Yeah! Like someone try to hide writing in grass! Weird, right!?

keep shining on with your refusal to do anything but ask questions unless talking to Kokichi or a Protag, Keebo. As Keebo is garbage at people, he has zero reaction to the Hatless Reveal. The human has removed part of their clothing and he does not care. If you’re curious, Maki, Ryoma, Himiko, Keebo and Kiyo are the only ones not to remark on it at all. :v

Kokichi: Kirumi, be my mom! Gonta: Gonta want you to be his mom, too! K1-B0: ...What are you two even saying?

even keebs knows you two are being hecka weird by asking that guys. Which is probably the joke that the robot calls them on this. Or it’s him not getting the point of moms/what they’re asking for...since you know. Built in a lab...(Though he does know, since he made fun of Kaede that way.)

K1-B0: ... Kokichi: Hm? What's wrong, Kee-boy? You're not eating— Oh yeah! I totally forgot you can’t eat! Y’know, cuz you’re a robot! K1-B0: ... Kokichi: Hey now, don't look so down. I'll bring you a broken TV later. K1-B0 I don't want that... I'm not a waste receptacle. Angie: Nyahahaha! Keebo and Kokichi seem to be getting along swimmingly!

Everyone’s eating and Keebo is just listlessly staring at food. Till Kokichi decides to loudly announce to everyone that’s what he’s doing. Which, judging by the fact Kaede had to ask...Keebo might have told Kokichi based on how he says ‘he forgot’ that and no one has really noticed he just watches. It’s been a busy set of days, I suppose. Angie is right in a way, she notices how Kokichi’s poking isn’t getting as much of a response and how the little punk keeps pushing on to get some words out of him. Course, it mostly looks like he’s making fun of him, but that’s Kokichi! for an ‘emotionless robot’ you sure picked out his emotion, tiny terror. Things Keebo doesn’t call robophobic: being told to eat broken electronics. He is pretty down though, Kaede’s FTE makes it pretty clear he’s pretty jealous that he can’t eat. Considering it looks good to him and all. (Who programmed that. Why would you do that.).

Shuichi falls into the depressing narrative ‘everyone is faking being normal’ mode after that conversation, we talk about the horse a hint again/Gonta’s gullibility.

Kokichi: Nee-heehee... Gonta, you're so gullible. Y'know, if you keep being this gullible... You’ll be killed before you know it. Understand? Shuichi: ...Ah! The moment Kokichi said that word, the warm and casual mood shattered. K1-B0: What's wrong, everyone? Is there a problem with Kokichi's advice? Gonta: Oh, Kokichi... You no should say thing like that, even as joke.

Keebs can sorta read the air to tell the mood just got real nasty...but has no idea why because to him it’s perfectly sensible advice. this boy. If someone is tempted to commit murder, logically they’ll try to trick people. Who do you trick? Someone gullible. He knows it isn’t a joke. No one actually answers him either, though he can probably guess by Tenko calling Kokichi insensitive. this is why he’s bad at people, people ignore him aaa

Kokichi tries reminding people hey monokuma is totally gonna exploit your glaring weakpoints lol/ups his dislike score, said bear shows up,  kubz give area unlocks/ make an attack on titian reference with the nape of the neck thing and they skadoodle. (keebo also having a neck weakness...tsumugi....)

Kokichi: Hmmm... Seeing that robot-looking one get left out makes me think of Keebo...

yes keebo, you really, really are. No one else even says anything about this, Maki moves the conversation to the items they just got. Poor guy wants to pretend he isn’t that left out. Oh well...he’ll probably figure it out...eventually... Shuichi gets given the job of rubbing items on things because he is the Protag so Go Unlock Stuff, Boy. Keebo hangs out with Tenko near the to-be-unlocked pool.

K1-B0: That item we received earlier...I think we can use it on this stone monument. Can you try?

Tutorial robot strikes again. There is information I know, so i am going to say it and have no fluff dialogue. Tenko has a pretty sweet little scene with Shuichi here and he’s just beep-boop my protagonist powers know a puzzle when I see it.

K1-B0: The ivy withered in seconds. What remarkable technology... Tenko: Ah! We can get in! We can go in from there, right!? K1-B0: ...You intend to go inside? That course of action seems dangerous. Monophanie: No, it’s not dangerous. There’s just a pool in there.

This is why no one invites you to their DnD sessions Keebo. Sure, it’s true they probably shouldn’t blindly blunder into new places but you literally just told Shuichi how to open the door. ‘Ah, a new discovery. Time to ignore it.’ Of course he’s impressed by tech bordering on magic, which is fun. I wonder if the Kubz got summoned to make sure Keebo didn’t chicken out on exploring :v He honestly seems to trust they won’t lie to them, or at least not blatantly/in ways that would get them killed.

Tenko: What should we do? There may be a pool, but we’re not going for a swim, are we? K1-B0: But...if it is not dangerous, then maybe we should take a look. It is never bad to have too much information. Shuichi: Yes, I suppose you're right...

K1-B0: It looks like there's a pool inside. We should take a closer look. It would be best to know the specifics.

Easily swayed, this robot. Two seconds ago you were all ‘let’s not go in there’ and now you’re This Is Totally Not Dangerous, time to Take A Look. Because the Monokubs said it was okay. It had the opposite effect on Tenko, but she’s outvoted by the ahogeholders. I’d say ‘make up your mind’ but this is how Keebo makes up his mind. If he knows something ‘for certain’, he wants to know more. If it’s iffy, he’s cautious. It does look like he’s indecisive as hell though xD

Shuichi: ...Then I suppose that dream is pretty far away. K1-B0: It’s not necessarily a dream of mine... But swimming with everyone does sound fun. If I tried to swim, I would just sink. Shuichi: ...And that one is even farther.

He tries to relate to Tenko a little bit here, in the swimming is her dream but really he just thinks it sounds fun to be included, he knows he can’t swim...they’re in the same boat in that regard! Tenko actually does want to learn to swim, it comes up quite a bit in URDP. Keebo not so much. He really is more chatty about himself in smaller groups :v

K1-B0: I wonder if the day will ever come when I can swim with everyone... Tenko: Keebo! I was wondering... If you fell off a boat and sank to the bottom...would you be stuck living under the sea, beneath a rock or in a pineapple!? K1-B0: What...? Shuichi: No, I believe that before you'd get too deep, your body would be crushed by the pressure... K1-B0: Please don’t say such scary things, both of you! Or I’ll never set foot on a boat!

K1-B0: ...If I ever get the chance to ride a boat, I will wear a state-of-the-art flotation device.

He’s scared. By both of them. He doesn’t get the reference at all, obviously. His hopeful wondering that he might be able to take part in something gets redirected into either being trapped alone at the bottom of the sea forever or crushed to death. From a question that basically comes out of nowhere! But he apparently is still willing to go on a boat with proper precautions. To not be left out. he just wants to be your friend guys. you could at least say sorry for freaking him out come on. His struggle with Not Being Swim Compatible continues.

Shuichi: This looks like...a storage room? K1-B0: I peeked inside and discovered all manner of pool supplies in here. It is fully stocked with kickboards, water polo balls, and even sturdy rubber inner tubes. Perhaps I can float in water if I inflate them and attach them all over my body. Shuichi: Ah, I think you would look like that tire company's mascot...

shh let him do it, it sounds funny. It’s interesting Shuichi’s willing to say this out loud, he usually keeps his snark in his head. Also, you got a lot of info from a peek Keebo. Thank you for also mentioning rubber inner tubes exist here, as this will be plot relevant later. :p

Tenko: Oh, Keebo! Are you a degenerate male or a girl!? Which is it!? 

Shuichi: Really? How interesting...I suppose I did just assume he was a...he. But Keebo is a robot, so...

Non binary keebo is canon. ‘don’t know’ he/him pronouns on the profile page for the robot.  Because he literally hasn’t even thought about it before. And it doesn’t seem like he intends to either! He doesn’t start rationalizing out which one he might be, just admits he...cares so little it never crossed his mind. but seriously how old are you. how long have you existed and not a SINGLE person asked you Keebo your backstory is super shaky. Or secretly depressing. also i totally forgot Miu gets way too excited by the tennis machine. no wonder she takes so long to drag keebo to the lab :v Shuichi wanders off to unlock everything else, and they all meet back up in the gym.

Angie: Alrighty then, check this out. K1-B0: That is a peculiar-looking flashlight...So, what of it? Angie: Umm, I dunno what it is either. I inspected it pretty good...Nyahahaha, but in the end I couldn't figure it out.

we’ve been here for two seconds and you’re back to asking questions aaa Though the fact Angie and Keebo have actually talked to one another again is good, it helps explain why she might have chosen to add him to her ‘friend group’ -cough- Angie then explains she asked Monokuma, he shows up, sorta explains the flashback lights.

Kaito: Hey! Don’t just give up on explaining after a single sentence!  K1-B0: So...what should we do? Tenko: What should we do...? You mean, should we or should we not use the flashlight? No way! I refuse! It reeks of fishiness!

keebo i’m confiscating your question mark key. Taking relying on others opinions to entirely new levels, this robot. But hey he’s actually been answered twice! That’s better than posing the question to the sound of crickets chirping. Tenko seems to like him better in general after hanging out a bit too. (and the whole ‘is not a boy thing.) Kaito and Kokichi face off in ‘should we use the flashback light’ annnd

Tenko: I'm...staying. After hearing that degenerate’s speech, running away would just frustrate me! Gonta: Gonta also stay... Is what true gentleman would prolly do. K1-B0: I also agree with Kaito. Our defeat is 100% assured unless we stand up to this. That’s... how I feel, deep inside. Just a whisper- Kokichi: You hear it in your ghost? I'm pretty sure robots don't have ghosts, though. K1-B0: ...Leave me alone. 

First mention of his inner voice! Kokichi pounces on that, which just gets Keebo to actually stand up for himself a little, though pretty pathetically. He doesn’t seem all that sure if it’s him feeling what’s right or the inner voice though...calling it a whisper. He’s completely convinced to go along with it though, he’s really more of a follower...but of course the outside world is going to compel the protag to get plot details. then they actually use the light

Shuichi: I can't either...I suddenly realized... I could not remember any important details of the Ultimate Hunt... K1-B0: It’s no use, I can’t remember either. I can only remember being chased... I can't remember anything else at all. 

Way to echo Shuichi’s inner thoughts, Keebo. This whole flashback light should really be confusing him more than it does. but we’ll get to that.

Ryoma: Could the reason be that...we were caught by the Ultimate Hunt? Shuichi:  Caught...by the Ultimate Hunt? K1-B0: You mean, we tried to escape by erasing our memories, but they found us anyway... And subsequently, we were captured as part of this Ultimate Hunt? 

At first I thought Keebo’s ‘returned’ memory might have been slightly different to compensate for the glaring issue but nope! Here he is, stating they erased their memories. and he’s summarizing again lol. keebs. i don’t care if you throw your harddrive in a washing machine, you are going to very quickly re-learn that you’re a goddamned ROBOT. He doesn’t even question this memory, no one does! (ok, kokichi probably caught it based on what he does right after this but otherwise) did you think you were a slightly less ultimate robot how did this even logic in your head. Questions that will never be answered.

Kaito: We just gotta work together. If we cooperate, we'll make it out of here alive. Just like a certain someone said... Shuichi:  ...Kaede. K1-B0: But I believe cooperating with each other is the most logical course of action— Kokichi: *snore* I’m snooooring! K1-B0: ...Why are you sleeping!? Kokichi: Whoa! Huh, what!? Tsumugi: Hey, Kokichi...we're having a serious conversation here. Kokichi: And is it written somewhere that I have to take serious conversations seriously? Kaito: Tch, quit acting so immature! Kokichi: Hm? I’m a teenager...so duh I’m immature. Aren’t you guys forgetting to act your age? K1-B0: But I don't have a biological age... Kokichi: Don't worry about it, Keebo. I'm just talking to the humans right now! K1-B0: ...Grgh!  Kokichi: What were we talking about again? Something about working together to escape, right?

he thinks kokichi is actually sleeping. he genuinely buys it when he says I’M SNORING. you sheltered little robot. He is super bad with people in so many new and exciting ways. Which effectively stops him from being a driving force/leading anyone...which is probably exactly what sleepyhead wanted here. Then excludes him further with the not a human reminder, which Keebo still doesn’t actually contest. No fitting in for the robot, can’t be trusted. That and the conversation gets re-directed to the mastermind among them from this diversion. Use Robot for Free Topic Change :v Keebo doesn’t speak up  again at all after this, but he’d probably have no idea what to say about Ryoma just casually going ‘nothing to live for bye’ so. Free time dialogue time!. First time slot...he’s in the dining hall

K1-B0: ...Shuichi, if you have free time, would you like to spend it with me? There's something I want to ask you. 

Lookit him, taking some initiative and asking Shuichi to hang out. Negative five points because you want to ask questions. he’s a very curious robot. Second time slot he retreats to his room.

K1-B0: There's an area in this school that is closed off. It seems there are other hidden rooms as well. 

There’s a lot of hidden rooms! He really doesn’t talk about anything but current events and the school... Free time ends, kubs bungle the motive delivery, Shuichi watches Kaito’s video...and goes to run off to tell him right away about his sad looking grandparents....

Shuichi: Keebo! Have you seen Kai-- K1-B0: Impeccable timing Shuichi! I was on my way to get you! Shuichi: You were? K1-B0: Everyone is gathering in the dining hall. Please come right away. I'll go get everyone else. 

Keebo’s been promoted to sleepy student fetcher in the meantime, or more likely volunteered to help Kaito when he proposed gathering everyone to talk about it. Good thing Kaito didn’t beeline for Shuichi or he might have actually seen the video :v

Kirumi: Shall we wait for everyone then? Until then, I can provide you all with massages— K1-B0:  Thank you for waiting! We gathered everyone else! Korekiyo: My word...and after I was about to finally experience one of Kirumi's famed massages... K1-B0: Wh-What do you mean? Are you also suggesting that I cannot read the air? Maki: So what is it? Why did you drag us here?

kiyo you’re hurting the robot’s feelings with your massage lusting. Keebo no idea and just assumes it’s a reading the air thing pffft. Getting everyone together to discuss the kubspads is a bit more important, even if they wanted to do something first. Not that anyone is going to tell him that :v

Kokichi: So, what are these videos? K1-B0: No doubt they’re the motives from Monokuma, but why were they all mixed up...? Gonta: Y-Yeah! Why Gonta get Tsumugi's video— K1-B0: No! Don’t say it Gonta! Gonta: ...Hm? Tsumugi: Aah...I heard it... I see... So Gonta has my video... Gonta: ...Huh? Gonta not supposed to say it? Miu: Who fuckin’ cares!? We’re gonna exchange ‘em anyway, right? K1-B0: No, we cannot exchange them. Shuichi: What? We can't? Ryoma: Why not? They're videos of the most important people in our lives. K1-B0: And that is precisely why we cannot exchange them. Although we do not know why our motives were mixed up...As long as we don't exchange them, we don't have to see our motives at all. Himiko: So it’s better to just ignore them... K1-B0: Yes. At least, that is what I think. Tenko: Th-That's true... If we ignore them, then we won't have a motive... Ryoma: I'm against that.

The robot has learned the technique of how to cut people off mid sentence, but was a bit too slow on the draw here. This is basically the first time Keebo takes the lead on an idea though, so of course it’s about keeping everyone safe. poor gonta. Innocently having no idea why the weird robot is suddenly pushy at him. The fact this clicked really quick for Keebo while Shuichi is still half ‘but i gotta show it to Kaito’ is pretty interesting, but makes sense. He’s probably less likely to have that emotional ‘oh friend would want to know this, i must let them know’ moment our detective is having. I expect he saw it as a motive first, and all else second. Kaito is the one who takes over when it comes to confronting Ryoma, because Keebo and conflict do not mix well. because he’s a doormat. He does speak up again though!

Kokichi: Who cares? Ryoma just stated his opinion. Actually...I feel the same way as him K1-B0: Are you...trying to cause trouble again? Kokichi: Don't get the wrong idea. I'm not saying we shouldn't care about killing or dying...But I think it'd be better if we didn't cooperate with each other...Actually we *definitely* shouldn't cooperate with each other!

...because Kokichi speaks up! Kokichi likes to remark on him, so darn it, he’s going to remark back on on the purple terror. He keeps going on for a long time here too. The fact Keebo was one to originally bring the ‘don’t share’ plan up might be why Kokichi goes so hard against it here. he doesn’t trust keebs as far as he can throw him, so anything he wants done must be obstructed. It’s early on enough that he hasn’t really had time to confirm Keebo is as harmless as he says he is (usually.) And hey if it doesn’t work he’s still showing himself as ‘difficult’ for future evil plans.

Kokichi: Anyway, I’m warning you all for your sake. Let's just exchange our motive videos instead of cooperating with each other. K1-B0: ...I cannot comprehend that logic. Kokichi: Well, now that I've said I won't cooperate, I can't afford to be seen with you losers...C’mon Gonta, let’s go.

good job keebo. don’t refute or argue, just state you have no idea how his brain works. He doesn’t speak up at all once Kokichi leaves either, not even when it devolves into Kirumi getting a bunch of orders. He isn’t one of the ones that leaves so apparently he just...watches everyone eat hot pot :v Then it’s time for more free times!

K1-B0: Everyone seemed to really enjoy that delicious-looking tripe hot pot... It's fine. You do not need to worry about me. *sigh*...

oh he literally did. I forgot this line. keebo. why do you do this to yourself. The food thing is...a big thing for him. Is this why you hate vending machines Keebo. Do you think those machines ate the food. In Free time slot two he’s alone still (he’s almost always alone, no matter where he is. Kokichi and Kaito were just in the room he’s in now the previous free time tho.)

K1-B0: I also want to know what is contained in my motive video... But...if a killing were to happen because of that... It would mean that we've betrayed the very wish that Kaede entrusted to us.

I want to know but am putting everyone being safe first. Though also ‘Keebo what on earth could you been shown that would make you thinking killing is okay suddenly.’ Then I’m ‘oh do you mean you don’t trust the person you trade with to not go murder’. Do you have Shuichi’s, Keebo? Is that making you double down on Kaede’s wish, right to Shuichi’s face? Kaito is surprised to know Shuichi has his, there’s nothing saying they had to be ‘swapped’ to match...it’s just interesting to think about. another interesting thing is Himiko and Angie are hanging out in the same room during this free time. V3 is pretty good about foreshadowing future events if you go talk to everyone! Anyway, Keebo shows up in Tenko’s parasol event/bonus scene. 

K1-B0: I am grateful for your care, Kirumi. Kirumi: This is more people than I had been told. Tenko: I'm sorry... I just wanted Himiko to feel like a celebrity, too! Angie: Can I join? Atua says He wants to feel like a celebrity too! Himiko: If Atua wants to be a celebrity, then we might as well invite him too. Tenko: S-Sure... If that's what you want, Himiko. Grrrrgghhh...I just wanted to vacation like a celebrity with Himiko! Shuichi: ...Would a god want to be a celebrity? 

This bit is interesting! Tenko objects to Angie coming, but she must have invited Keebo herself, as he isn’t here to set anything up. He doesn’t spend either of his free time spots at the pool, so it’s not coincidence that he’s there either. Maybe they’ve bonded over their inability to swim. He wouldn't just tag along of his own accord. Tenko then tries to shoo Shuichi away here because of course she does :v

Shuichi: ...What about Keebo? Tenko: Keebo's a robot, so he's neither male nor female! He barely passes! K1-B0: ...I cannot tell if that remark is robophobic or not. Shuichi: Well at the very least, you're better off than I am... 

Want to be included...eclipsing need to be treated the same...Even though he’s self admitted to not being either! :v Keebo honestly doesn’t know what he wants. Shuichi apparently thinks you’re enough of a guy to get turfed out with him Keebo, so that’s probably something you like? It’s nice to see Tenko remembered though, considering she was the one who asked him in the first place.

Kirumi: By the way, Keebo... K1-B0: Yes? Kirumi: In your case, would you prefer oil over tropical juice?

Kirumi: Keebo, Tenko requested I help her feel like a celebrity. And she has included you as one of her guests... I will do my utmost to fulfill her request, for that is how a maid must conduct herself. So please tell me what food or beverages I can prepare so you feel like a celebrity Shuichi: Such pride and dedication... Kirumi's prowess as a maid is showing! K1-B0: Um...I do not require food. And I would not be able to taste it in the first place...

He’s a bit hard to read here! He’s happy with just the offer, but seems a bit awkward about it judging by the sprite being used. Actually being accommodated for seems to put him off a little. It seems he’s fine on oil on the moment so he has no need or desire for it though. Which conflicts with Kirumi’s goal and seems to actually irritate Keebo by pressing. He’s doing the exasperated hands up sprite when he’s stating he doesn’t need or taste food. Would it be nicer to just go ‘okay fine oil’, probably. but he doesn’t since uh. It could just be the ‘I just said no thank you why does no one LISTEN’ getting to him! that and we know keebo has like -10 to tact anyway. That and...asking him what he needs to ‘feel like a celebrity’ probably just sent him thinking ‘THAT’S A FEELING???’ so he just sticks to a fact and pretends he’s not at a loss. Keebo then spends his time more interested in the parasol than anything else, because of course he is. He honestly looks puzzled by it, it’s kinda cute.

K1-B0: Out of curiosity, do you really need that parasol even though we're indoors? Tenko: Of course! If you wanna feel like a celebrity, you absolutely need a parasol! A robot like you wouldn't understand what it means to feel like a celebrity, huh Keebo? K1-B0: Ghhhh... Th-This is a difficult feeling to understand!

Keebo cannot have a nice thing without getting dumped on for it almost immediately after :v He basically admits he doesn’t know what ‘feeling like a celebrity’ is like by trying to justify himself...but really tenko the question was fair and you just go ‘haha robot’ instead of maybe realizing it’s an atmosphere thing not a feeling thing.  In the morning after Shuichi chats with Ryoma...

Shuichi: Good morning, Keebo. K1-B0: Good morning. Um, have you seen Kokichi or Gonta? Shuichi: Ah, I haven't seen them... K1-B0: I see...I saw them earlier...and they seemed to be sneaking around. Given Kokichi's penchant for mischief, do you think he's planning to cause more trouble? Gonta is very earnest but also very naive... Kokichi could easily fool him. Shuichi: That's true... That is a bit disconcerting. K1-B0: ...I wonder why Kokichi is so determined to undermine our cooperation. True, Monokuma does interfere with our attempts to cooperate, but consider this...Perhaps what Monokuma fears more than anything...is our cooperation. That is why I think that Kaede was not wrong. Shuichi: ...I think so too. I’ll always be thankful for what Kaede tried to do for us. K1-B0: That's right! If we all cooperate, I'm sure we will be able to escape this place! If we meet every morning for breakfast, we will slowly but surely become more united. Shuichi: Yeah! K1-B0: Well then, I will go to the dining hall now.

Keebo and Kokichi are mutually on one another’s case and it’s pretty hilarious. He doesn’t call Kokichi cruel or anything either...just mischievous. Even someone terrible at people saw what kind of person Gonta is, and has apparently decided Shuichi is the one who has to hear about his concerns. He’s pretty into the getting along and working together thing, but Kaito really takes the roll from him in most group settings, so we kinda only see it when Shuichi is alone. Though Shuichi maybe uh. don’t be thankful about the attempted...murder...I know that’s not what he means but hahaha it does not read well xD also Kokichi is totally Keebo’s rival, not Shuichi’s. because keebo is the real protag. :v he’s totally Togami levels of dickery to Keebo, who’s pretty Makoto-ish...even if I do read Kokichi more favourably at times for that sort of comparison :v  Moving on to the dining hall.

K1-B0: According to my calculations, not everyone has gathered today. Shuichi: You can see that without doing any calculations...

You know you’re low on the totem pole when Shuichi will dunk on you. Out loud. This is the opening bit for this scene! You couldn’t remark on people missing, no. it is dunk time. Everything Keebo does is in numbers detective, he’s a robot! He doesn’t need to inform you that he calculated it, yes...but he’s trying to impress people and he just sucks at it >> anyway yes people did not come to breakfast.

Tenko: Maybe she's hiding a bunch of kids in there that she's secretly taking care of! Shuichi: What? She's not some stray dog on the streets raising pups... K1-B0: I also saw Kokichi and Gonta sneaking around together. Miu: A couple of virgins sneakin' around sounds like bad news to me!

Keebo reiterates the ‘kokichi is a menace and has gonta with him’ fact for the rest of the class/people who don’t read optional dialogue. Yet he doesn’t mention how this concerns him like he does to Shuichi alone! because that’s not a fact and we’re in a group setting.

K1-B0: Himiko is acting rather odd. I do not fully understand what she is doing...

The Ultimate Mage might not have anything nice to say about him, but he’s paid enough attention to notice the weird ‘calm’ Himiko isn’t normal. Better point it out to Shuichi! and keebo you don’t even halfway understand what she’s doing, it’s ok. Though I suppose 1% of understanding is technically not ‘fully understanding’ something too :v

Himiko: Nyeeeh...as long as I pray like this, I don't need to waste my energy on useless stuff. No matter what happens or what trouble lies ahead, my heart will be calm... K1-B0: I see...It’s escapism. Angie: No... She has merely abandoned reality to speak to Atua. Tsumugi: That *is* escapism.

He found an answer! it’s delightfully cynical and calculated and thus hilarious. He’s doing his little ‘hand up/i’ve deduced something’ pose so he looks pretty proud of it too. Tsumugi of all people backs him up on this! Though I suppose she’d know allllll about escapism! :V gdi moogie. Yet even with his short, matter of fact answer he’s still confused after all the back an forth/ the hug scene.

K1-B0: What’s going on...? Did Angie...do something to Himiko? Angie: Hm? I just undid her brainwashing, that's all. K1-B0: But...Himiko is clearly acting strange. Himiko: That’s rude. I’m not acting strange. This is my true self... I guess Atua's words can't reach robots... K1-B0: Wha—! You're being robophobic again! Angie: It's okay! Atua has compassion for robots who look human! K1-B0: O-Okay... 

Aw. He’s worried about his friend...who doesn’t like him and said we should kill him. this boy, I swear. Very forgiving. We can add one to the ‘times Keebo actually outright said something was robophobic’ count...annnnd Himiko is literally using the reason that he’s a robot to invalidate his concern over her behaviour. i think he’s justified! Not to mention he instantly backs down when Angie basically goes ‘oh Atua would include you’ and doesn’t argue for any other robots here...really just say ‘stop treating me like i’m sub human’, but then they’d just say he is sub human so. robophobic it is :v He just wants to be included so badly...but he’s getting the message as a robot he can’t. and that is sad. of course he listens to angie later, atua and her will include him, even as a robot. Though not at first! The next time he talks...

Angie: No, noooo, that's wrong. It's not enough to simply live here forever. Our lives must also be full of divine purpose. In other words...We must make this academy  heaven on earth! Shuichi: What...? Angie: In doing so...our desire to leave will vanish, and the killings will cease. K1-B0: Are you...being serious right now? Angie: This place provides us all with shelter, food, clothing, and wonderful friends! What more could you possibly desire? Do not give in to your greed.

He’s very much on the ‘no, we are not staying here forever’ train. He can’t parse if she’s being serious or not. He’s also doing the job of reacting since Shuichi is still mostly reacting in his own head instead of out loud. Her argument might compel him a little though, considering how alternate plans of escape haven’t really shown up...

Himiko: Now is the time to demonstrate my powers. My magic is the only thing that can heal your twisted hearts. K1-B0: But in our current predicament, performing magic tricks is quite illogical- Himiko: Nyeeeh, don't disturb my concentration. You gotta learn to read the mood already. And...it's called a magic show cuz I do magic. Not tricks

Cut off again and dismissed! Keebo needs to avoid people shorter than himself, apparently it never goes well for him. Though he does get an unintentional stab at Himiko here by outright ignoring her ‘magic’ bit to clarify that they’re tricks. He isn’t too great at telling a sort of performance could cheer people up, sure...but people really should be thinking of other solutions too. but no we’re gonna dunk on the robot and go ‘shut up you’re dumb’. The fact he still attends when he clearly doesn’t get how it should help, or why...he’s trying so, so hard.

Korekiyo: Kehehe... Faith as intense as this can be quite terrifying. K1-B0: There may be no cause for concern. This does not appear to be related to our motive videos. Kaito: You're only worried about that? K1-B0: Of course. We cannot afford to take Monokuma’s motives lightly. Tsumugi: But...everyone who isn't here could be showing each other their videos, right?

yes kaito, he already expressed concern over Himiko’s behaviour and basically got told to sit down and shut up. Twice. Of course he’s only focused on the only thing he didn’t instantly get shut down over. You should have backed him up earlier! I really do love Kaito, but Keebo never really benefits from Kaito’s good qualities.  Free time again, he’s hanging out on the 3rd floor. Same general area as Maki’s lab...so basically alone, as usual.

K1-B0: A magic show...It seems unconnected to the killing game, so I do not foresee any issues with it... 

Fortune telling is not one of his skills. Though I suppose the show itself has no issues, it’s what happens before...This is also the last FT slot in the chapter so I’m smacking the level one FTE here.

K1-B0: Since you have come to speak to me...I can only assume that you've taken some sort of interest in me. Shuichi: Ah, well...you are a robot, after all. K1-B0: Indeed. Curiosity is a very useful human quality...Very well, I shall humor you. Shuichi: ...Hm. I feel as though he's talking down to me a little... K1-B0: So first, I will explain my functions. As a robot, I'm somewhat extraordinary compared to you. Shuichi: But...I remember you saying something about having the strength of an old person... K1-B0: T-True, but...Considering the tragedy that occurred during trial production, it was a logical design choice.Now first, is my visual acuity. I have 20/13 vision... Impressive, no? Shuichi: ...You think so? I believe that's pretty normal... K1-B0: What are you talking about!? Over 50% of high school students have less than 20/20 vision! But no matter what, my visual acuity will always be 20/13. Shuichi: If it got any worse, I suppose that would count as a malfunction... K1-B0: My next function will definitely surprise you. Shuichi, please raise your hand. Shuichi: Huh? My what? K1-B0: I want you to put your hand in front of my mouth. Shuichi: ...Like this? K1-B0 Haaaaaaaaaaa... Shuichi: ...What the hell is this? K1-B0: Haaaaaaaaaaa... Shuichi: Lukewarm breath grazed across my hand. Well, Keebo is a robot, so maybe not "breath"... K1-B0: How about that? In addition, my warm breath also functions as a dryer. Shuichi: Ah...I see... K1-B0: Now, now, you can't be surprised just yet, okay? Case in point, my hand can turn into a multi-tool! With both hands, I have 20 tools at my disposal! My finger can detect wafting aromas, and even distinguish between different scents! I also have a music player for when I'm bored. I can even play tapes and records. Neat, huh? Shuichi: I'm still thinking about how weird your breath felt, I dunno about your other functions... K1-B0: Don't be too surprised. After all, I am the Ultimate Robot! Shuichi: ...

The start of Keebo’s FTE is almost word for word how he starts with Kaede. This is how he introduces himself to people. This is him being confident and secure. Unlike Kaede though, Shuichi has no qualms in pointing out Keebo’s shortcomings instead of letting him chatter on like he does with Kaede. He spends a lot more time trying to show him new functions, apparently thinking he just needs to show one that’s a bit more ‘impressive’ to get a positive reaction. Like being asked questions, or at least a ‘oh that’s cool’ instead of ‘wait aren’t you weak’. But we’ll gloss over the the tragedy in trial production AGAIN. To the point he takes Shuichi’s baffled silence as a more positive reaction than of the others he got, seeing as he seems to think the detective is impressed...even though we know he’s not. It’s true most people don’t have twenty tools always on hand and a music player that can take tapes and records on them at all times but...it’s easy to dismiss as not that interesting. Even though he’s desperately fishing for validation here. The nicest answer we can get out of Shuichi here...is clearly a lie, to be honest. (Keebo probably uses that music function a lot.)

Shuichi: Y-Yeah...amazing K1-B0: Right? I am Professor Idabashi's masterpiece, after all. The professor's technology has given me the functions to support a life of comfort. Shuichi: A life of comfort... I see. That makes sense. K1-B0: However...My greatest attribute is actually not a function at all.

He takes it as a honest statement and instantly brings up how great his creator is. Keebo...cares about Professor Idabashi a lot. He is bragging, about himself...but everything he is is something his ‘father’ made. Or at least that’s what he thinks anyway...He wants people to know how great his dad is. and that’s sadly sweet. (Since he probably doesn’t exist. or care about him if he was made for this...) The part where he supports of a life of comfort is interesting though. Are you built to bring comfort to the professor, or mostly yourself Keebs? It could be both. It’s nice to think Keebo’s father figure would want him to be able to live comfortably...be able to stand on his own two feet as it were. He might not have a use for many of the functions, but he’s clearly thinks they’re valuable

Shuichi: That's actually pretty normal. K1-B0: Gh—! Wh-What do you mean, "normal"!? What do you know about robots!? The meaning of "normal" is purely subjective anyway! Don't assume your definition of normal is the same as mine! Shuichi: Oh no, he's really mad! K1-B0: F-Furthermore...! My greatest attribute is actually not a function at all.

ahahahaWHOOPS. Good job Shuichi, you genuinely upset him. Because you said his ‘father’s’ work is ‘normal’. Without the context of the ‘nicer’ reply, this can seem really out of left field! Keebo is usually all about being ‘normal’ and fitting in ‘like everyone else’ but here he goes basically spitting fire at Shuichi for it. What do you know about robots indeed Keebo...But hey, we get some of that impulsive side here, getting overwhelmed and just spitting out what he thinks right away. This is WAY more fight than we usually see him give Kokichi, and that guy’s mocking him all the time. probably because he hopes Shuichi is a better/nicer person than him but still. In contrast...

Shuichi: Ah...is that it? K1-B0: Is that it...? You mean, you're not impressed? Shuichi: Well, I assumed you would have more...special...functions. K1-B0: ...W-Well, you know...I *might* have a special function of sorts... Shuichi: ...Might? K1-B0: But Professor Idabashi told me to keep it a secret. I hope you get the chance to see it someday. And besides... My greatest attribute is actually not a function at all.

He just takes it when Shuichi is unimpressed. Clearly Shuichi not being impressed with him is a shortcoming on his part, not the Professor, or his work. Being told he’s lame or disappointing is something we’ve seen a lot of...and apparently that doesn’t trigger his get mad buttons. Think he’s...kinda used to it by chapter 2. Though Keebo will still try and fish for later attention by suggesting he does have a ‘special’ function he’s been told to keep a secret. (Though...what Keebo things is special might not rate such praise from others)

Shuichi: It isn't? K1-B0: You can't tell what it is? It's my compact, lightweight design that makes my various functions possible! This is what truly drives Professor Idabashi's technological revolution! Well? Now do you understand just how amazing I am? Shuichi: I don't know how to respond to his boasting...Maybe someone like Miu would really appreciate his mechanics. Shuichi understandably is ‘ you’re like slightly less heavy than Gonta and he’s way bigger than you Keebo wtf do you mean’. This makes far more sense when you know KEEBO CAN FLY. He’s lightweight enough for that That is incredible. Too bad Keebo doesn’t actually like flying, according to him. Though really, being light enough to travel around where humans can fairly easily when he’s made is metal and carrying quite a bit of hardware is similarly impressive, even if Shuichi doesn’t really see it. He does correctly get that Miu would probably be impressed though! sorry keebo your attempts to look self assured have failed yet again. (As I wonder if Keebo feels he can be above or below humans, but not equal considering how little success he has and how his final FTE finishes but mhm we’ll get there.) Keebo is ones already grabbed by Gonta by the time Shuichi gets dragged in.

Korekiyo: The same is true of the rest of us. We were all seized by Gonta...and brought here. Tenko: But Shuichi's the only one who got knocked out. K1-B0: Gonta apologized for that. Apparently he couldn't slow down in time when he tried to grab you. Shuichi: What is this anyway...? Why did Gonta do this?

Gotta let Shuichi know that Gonta is sorry. Gonta is probably one of the nicer ones to him in general, so it’s not a big surprise that he’s already forgiving the guy for dragging him here, and hoping Shuichi doesn’t blame him either. Since we know who’s to blame....

K1-B0: I do not think Gonta would ever decide on his own to capture us. What is Kokichi trying to accomplish by taking advantage of Gonta's naivete? Regardless, I cannot forgive his nonchalant attitude about using people!

...haha keebo’s being nonchalantly used by tons of people...Anyway he doesn’t blame Gonta for this at all, understandably and is already going ‘what is that little gremlin up to?' He’s been concerned about this exact thing for days but wasn’t able to do anything about it. He even clarifies that even if there was a ‘good’ reason, he cannot stand for Kokichi just using Gonta like this...but unfortunately won’t be able to prevent it the second time either.

Kokichi: Isn’t it great!? Only an evil supreme leader like me could do something so...eeeeeevil! K1-B0: Kokichi...why are you doing this? Kokichi: Oh, I thought we could throw ourselves a little screening party with all our videos. With all you here, exchanging our motive videos wouldn't be that difficult at all...And I wanna see your videos, too, so I figured we could all binge-watch them together! K1-B0: D-Do you know what will happen if you do that? Kokichi: Ummm... Everyone will know their motive and a killing will be more likely to happen? But I like playing on Mean difficulty. Also, I don't run from battles in RPGs, either! I wanna win this killing game! So I'm not gonna run from it, I'm gonna crush it! That’ll be waaaay less boring, don’tcha think?

protag and rival square off. Or more Kokichi monologues his evil plan. Keebo’s the one to confront him about it first...and oh look, Danganronpa reference in regards to difficultly level. I wonder if he suspects he’s talking to a camera already. After all, he decides the gathered group is ‘enough’ for the little viewing party even though Gonta couldn’t get everyone. Five missing people is quite a few.

K1-B0: It seems I must be the one to take care of this. With my talent, Kokichi, I will stop- Kokichi: Yeah, yeah. I don't have time to listen to some robot. Let's see...it's exactly 9 pm. right now. I should be back by nighttime. Welp! Have fun with the bugs till then!

sorry keebo you don’t get to have monologues. He just listed to yours Kokichi, get back here and listen to the whole thing. It is good to see Keebo taking initiative though! Even if...people are not going to be all that impressed even though it works.

Tenko: M-My Neo-Aikido is no match for Gonta's superhuman strength either... K1-B0: ...We still have a chance when Kokichi comes back. That’s when I will take care of this. Everyone, please just endure it until then. Shuichi: E-Endure it—

Hey remember how all the cameras in the game are apparently magically tiny bug bears? So feasibly all CGs could just be shots from them? How are there bugs on the edges on such a tiny camera? ...Well we have a bigger camera at this scene, don’t we! keebo’s totally buried by bugs like himiko is ohno. Keebo might not be able to get bitten, but he’s not having a good time at the insect meet and greet either. He doesn’t talk during it, and his post dialogue doesn’t mention his own feelings. I imagine bugs crawling inside him would be unpleasant though :v Hopefully that didn’t happen. All those armored plates have edges for things to get at though...hm.

K1-B0: ...Thank you for enduring it, everyone. This is the last chance. Please leave the rest to me.

He is gonna help! do your best you funky little robot. Though if anyone had stopped Kokichi from leaving or made him have to listen to the speech Keebo could have done this an hour ago. This is why you back up your robot buddy, kids.

Kokichi: Oh, don't worry about it, Gonta. Just keep watch so these guys don't— K1-B0: That’s it! I won’t let you do as you please! Kokichi: Hm? K1-B0: I didn't want to use this unless I absolutely had to. It eats up a lot of my electricity. But that’s neither here nor there! I will stop you right here, right now! Shuichi: Keebo...what are you going to do...? K1-B0: ... Shuichi: Still glaring at Kokichi, Keebo slowly reach a hand behind his ear...and spun the mechanical parts there. Tsumugi: He's lighting up!? Is he gonna self-destruct or— *whirrr...* Tenko: Huh? What's that sound? K1-B0: One moment please... I'm rewinding the tape right now. Himiko: The tape?

Shuichi: Keebo shouted out and pushed his palm against his ear That's when... ‘Is this your doing, Kokichi? Did you have Gonta kidnap us?’ Was that...my voice? ‘Nee-heehee...he's so simple-minded. As soon as I told him that everyone who hates bugs was trying to get rid of them......he started crying, and said that he would get you guys to love bugs...or something like that.’ Could this be...? K1-B0: So, what do you think!? You just saw my audio recording function for the first time! Tenko: Did he really just whip out an audio recorder like it’s some kinda secret weapon!? Tsumugi: Really? It’s a cassette tape? In this day and age? K1-B0: But it’s metal tape, you know!? Tsumugi: The sound quality isn't the issue! K1-B0: L-Let's just put this aside now. More importantly, it seems to have worked.

Over the top and flashy for...recording audio with very good quality. No wonder it uses so much electricity if he needs to light up to get it to work. Or he was just trying to show off since he’s personally getting back at Kokichi for this actions here...or at least making sure he’ll see some consequences. Not that it matters, he just gets made fun of anyway...even if he tries to defend the tape being metal as a way to seem less unimpressive. 

K1-B0: We must run while we still can! Tenko: Wait! We need to take back our Kubs Pads first! Shuichi: Tenko snatched the Kubs Pads from Kokichi. Kokichi: Awwww... Shuichi: Then, we all ran out of the lab. After leaving the room, I could still hear the muffled buzzing and Kokichi screaming.

yup keebo leads the fleeing out and totally leaves him there to his fate. With audible screams. He might be nice but he’s got limits. and apparently being locked in a room for like two hours being swarmed with bugs is one of those limits! Though I think he’s still more bothered by the ‘using Gonta’ bit. After they get out Monodam takes the pads to return them...

Tsumugi: But out of all of them, we can probably trust that one, right? K1-B0: Shall we go back to our dorms? It is well past nighttime. Angie: Nyahahaha, that's true! We have the magic show tomorrow.

of course you’d think that Tsumugi. We trust the robotic one that kills it’s siblings. Though they are the ‘friendliest’ cub...it just makes me think of another robot who gets determined to kill all their friends for the greater good hm. Keebo just thinks all his human friends should get some sleep, but he’s probably wanting to go charge if that light show just gobbled a chunk of his battery. It must be one hell of a drain if he can go a week normally without worry... Which he somewhat confirms in the morning.

Shuichi: Ah, Keebo. Good morning. K1-B0: Good morning, Shuichi How are you feeling today? Are you still sore from the events of last night? Shuichi: Ah, I'm fine. Are *you* alright? K1-B0: Yes, I’m fine. I’ve recharged the electricity that I used on my recording function. Even so...I'm very happy that I was finally able to use my functions to help everyone! Shuichi: Keebo's recording function... It's not exactly revolutionary technology, but it did help a lot. Yes, thank you, Keebo. You really earned your title of Ultimate Robot. K1-B0: Oh, it was nothing, really. If you ever need my help for anything, please don't hesitate to ask. Shuichi: Ahaha... Yeah, I sure will. K1-B0: So...the magic show is starting soon, yes? Everyone has probably gathered in the gym already. We should get going as well.

Shuichi actually asks if Keebo’s alright! Actual concern instead of more dunking! Keebo asking if Shuichi is okay is not as much of a surprise, but it’s nice to see he admits he’s happy that he was able to be helpful. He wants to be useful. Goes and downplays how he helped in order to keep stressing how ‘please ask me if you need help I WANT TO HELP’ :v Then he’s off to go to the Magic show, which he probably isn’t super interested in but Everyone Should Be There, so he’s gonna go. Also, we learn from Angie that Keebo and Kaito were the designated equipment carriers from Himiko’s lab. I guess it wasn’t too heavy, or Kaito might have been doing the brunt of the lifting. Also, when you talk to Angie before the show...

Angie: Tenko, you’re trembling. I've told you many times that Atua loves all His creations. Tenko: What do you mean, all his creations!? That's way too much love! What about Monokuma, huh? Does Atua love him, too? Angie: Of course. So we must love Monokuma, so that our love will reach him. Tenko: Shaddup already! Robots can't feel love! They can't feel any emotions at all! K1-B0: And yet...I felt a strange pain in my chest after you just said that...

y u gotta do this Tenko, he’s RIGHT HERE. or at least apologize! But no, we’re just gonna let Keebo know his emotions he’s feeling aren’t real I guess. You two were getting on okay, so of course he’s upset...but this does also set up a little more that Keebo’s heard Angie say Atua accepts robots twice now.

K1-B0: This is quite a professional-looking set. However, considering how unsettled Himiko is...We might not get to witness for ourselves the skill of the Ultimate Magician. How unfortunate.

Well, he’s impressed by the work his friends did! And seems like he’s at least semi-interested in seeing Himiko’s talent in action, even if he knows it’s trickery, not magic. He’s always ready to be a supportive sort of friend and praise their efforts. not that he gets it back all that much. He does get caught up in the tension of the show and seems to worry a bit after Gonta runs up to the stage.

K1-B0: Um...Less than ten seconds remain...

Notably, he’s also one of the ones who looks to be mid movement after this line...(there’s a lot of CGs for this part, huh)

K1-B0: Look! The piranhas! Tenko: H-Hurry! The curtains! Open the curtains already!

Then Ryoma is shown to be very very dead. Due to how everyone who wasn’t at the show rushes in, there aren't as many reactions before...well.

Kokichi: Yeah, break it. It’ll take too long to drain it by hand. Shuichi: But what would we even use to break— Kokichi: Gonta! Kee-boy! You’re up! K1-B0: Huh? What do you mean, we're up? Kokichi: Gonta, throw Kee-boy as hard as you can! Use that robot like a battering ram! K1-B0: Who are you calling a battering ram!? Gonta: Gonta throw Keebo! Got it! Tenko: Then, I’ll help too! K1-B0: N-Now wait just a second. You don't need to team up now—

K1-B0: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

robot gets yeeted despite protests because guy no one likes says to. Why are all you guys so mean to this poor robot. You could have seriously hurt him! Good thing he’s waterproof, but he still got treated as a thing and probably got nasty blood water all over him >> Does anyone even say ‘sorry’? Or even thank you? NO. being keebo is suffering, like it’s pretty funny but MAN these kids are jerks to him.

K1-B0: I’ve...gathered Ryoma’s body and belongings...in one place... Shuichi: Keebo looks depressed... He *was* just used as a battering ram, so I understand why.

maybe apologize for what happened? or tell Kokichi off, or Gonta for listening and Tenko for just going along with it? no? ok sure we’ll just leave him staring listlessly after carrying the remains of his friend while soaked in his blood, why not. after all he doesn’t have feelings, apparently. 

Korekiyo: In any event...let us begin the investigation. K1-B0: Investigation... So it's really going to start again. Tsumugi: I can't believe it... One of us killed Ryoma...

yes you can tsumugi. Why are you always talking near keebs this chapter. Unsurprisingly, Keebo still doesn’t really like the idea of a class trial and what it means, but I suppose it gives him something to think about that isn’t how he has zero respect around here. Anyway, Maki says ‘nope, i’m out’

Miu: The fuck is that bitch's problem!? She's seriously not gonna investigate!? K1-B0: That seems...rather irresponsible. Korekiyo: She likely assumes someone else will take care of it...and I suppose she isn't wrong.  

Considering you all die if you’re wrong, irresponsible is certainly a word that works. He doesn’t do name calling or anything though, just points out the behavour. She’s busy trying to hide she’s an assassin, but it isn’t like the rest of the kids have too much time to worry about that. Keebo is probably a bit more shaken than he lets on though, he doesn’t confront or talk to Kokichi at all while he’s busy accusing Himiko, and usually he does!

Kirumi: To solve this mystery, we must first learn the trick behind Himiko’s Underwater Escape Act... K1-B0: We have no choice in the matter. Shuichi: He’s right...we have no choice. We have no choice but to find the culprit who killed Ryoma. This investigation is to save all of our lives...because we’re risking our lives in the class trial!

Behold as Kirumi tries to send both protags on a pointless wild goose chase! The underwater trick and how it works turns out to be completely irrelevant! Which of course, Kirumi knows and is banking on. :v She’s sneaky. Anyway, Kaito is Shuichi’s partner for this case...

K1-B0: Although there are many unknown variables, the first thing we need to make clear is...when was Ryoma murdered? Kaito: Well, in the middle of the show, obviously. The culprit knew how Himiko's trick worked and took advantage of it to kill Ryoma. In other words, everyone watching the show isn't suspicious. K1-B0: ...Kaito, you didn’t attend the show either, did you? Kaito: N-No, but I'm still not suspicious. I forgot a promise...so I was just eating breakfast. You got it!? I’m not suspicious! K1-B0: I do not understand how that explanation is supposed to convince me. Shuichi: Keebo does have a point...

Robot is right, ‘when’ the murder happened is one of the most important details of the case. So thankfully, he didn’t just immediately try and follow Kirumi’s ill motivated advice. Apparently if Kaito gets questioned by Keebo his brain just goes into shock. Kaito isn’t dumb but he has this weird habit of getting flustered with Keebo’s blunt questions. Maybe because he’s figured out Keebs wants some reasonable explanations! and he doesn’t really have one and just...tries to justify himself in a way Keebs is not impressed with at all. He doesn’t provide any other information, but that’s not a big shock. Considering he was both at the show and the meet and greet and had to recharge, he didn’t really have a chance to see anything of use for this case. this will be a trend.

Shuichi: The fragments of the broken glass water tank have been piled up. There are so many tiny pieces...Gonta and Tenko certainly didn't hold back when they threw Keebo at the glass.

More proof of robot abuse. but really Keebo doesn’t come up much in this investigation. Kirumi actually shows up a second time to distract Shuichi by giving the ‘clue’ that Gonta was the last to see Maki at 8PM. She really had plans to not get caught. We have no need to hear from our robot friend again until pre-trial time.

K1-B0: ...Is everyone ready? Gonta: Not like we have choice, right? Korekiyo: Kehehe... You are quick to understand. It's as though Monokuma has you trained.

Has all of you trained, Kiyo. But Keebo’s doing his protag job in asking the obvious question to prompt responses :v

K1-B0: I did not calculate that we would gather here under these circumstances again...What would Kaede say if she saw us right now...?

I suppose it is also your job to hope. Though it is a little sad that he’s worried about letting Kaede down. Most of the others are more concerned about the trial and the case surrounding it at the moment, but this is what he’s stuck on. Shame and disbelief. this robot understands empathy very well, okay.  Class trial time :v

Kirumi: But it does point to Himiko being the most suspicious. K1-B0: Ryoma died during Himiko's magic show. Korekiyo: His body appearing in the water tank leads one to think the escape trick played a part. It’s only natural we suspect Himiko. She was the one performing the trick.

oh look who’s the first person to agree Himiko is suspect after Kokichi/Angie point to her. Keebo is just outright wrong here! This is why he is not the detective :v Somewhere along the way he’s decided ‘during the show’ was the time of death, whoops. This is also a bit weird becauseeee after the nonstop debate about the cause of death...

Angie: Ryoma drowned, Himiko changed places with him, and then the piranhas ate him. Right? K1-B0: No, Himiko only had 60 seconds to escape from the tank...Even if they changed places at the start of the show, that's insufficient time to drown someone. Kirumi: If that is the case, then when did he drown?

watch out the robot knows how long it takes to drown a man. But this is why his other comment is weird...he knows Ryoma couldn’t have drowned during the show? I suppose he didn’t know the cause of death...but it’s in the monofile...throwaway line you aren't meant to think about too hard but dang it

Korekiyo: Yes... By that point, he had already joined the ranks of the dead. K1-B0: Could that mean his body was hidden until the culprit made it appear in the tank? Gonta: Hidden...where? Kirumi: The culprit would have had to hide the body near the tank, and then show it during the act.

He gets back on the right track after Shuichi points out Ryoma had to die before the show. I super didn’t notice this the first time I played, but Kirumi is always here to make the correct idea seem unlikely and try and steer conversation away from it! and of course kokichi helps her derail it back to explaining the trick.

K1-B0: How did Himiko escape the water tank? Angie: Maybe she just climbed out and no one noticed.

So Keebo kicks off the non-stop debate about the water tank :v Because asking a question is his favourite thing to do, and he just tried suggesting the body could be hidden, so he’s filled his doing things quota.

Shuichi: The staircase also has an escape hatch, one facing away from us. It’s placed so that the water would not drain from the staircase. K1-B0: In which case, a person could exit and leave water inside the staircase. Shuichi: However, that person would be soaked, meaning that *some* trace should be left...That would explain why there was a puddle around the stairs...

Rephrase for the audience and give Shuichi a gap before he has to launch into another explanation. He’s quick to pick up the logic, but he doesn’t really need to apply it since Shuichi usually does that part too :v

Shuichi: ...It's because she changed her uniform. K1-B0: The dormitory is stocked with uniforms. Did you hide one behind the stage in advance? Himiko: Nyeh... Nyeeeh! Angie: I remember seeing Himiko go to the gym this morning, carrying a uniform and a towel.

He does get to do it here though! V3 is nice in letting the other characters also confirm things without Shuichi’s handholding, but he will still be doing the bulk of it, obviously :v keebs can be smart.

Miu: So Himiko went in the stairs with the body!? What kinda kinky shit is she into!? K1-B0: That seems unlikely. There isn't enough space for two people to fit in there. Tsumugi: Yeah, the stairs are pretty cramped. It'd be hard to fit even Ryoma and Himiko in there.

Keebo makes a point, Tsumugi takes the chance to reiterate it to be ‘helping’ by doing very little :v Angie argues for a switcheroo which leads to the next debate, Shuichi refutes it, leading to

Korekiyo: She had no need to worry about us witnessing her at that point. For the entire stage was hidden behind a curtain. To all but Gonta, anyway. K1-B0: Then the culprit never would have considered hiding inside the staircase with the body.Entering the staircase *after* moving the body is much faster, and seems more rational too! Tsumugi: Then...Ryoma’s body wasn’t hidden in the stairs?

He’s back again to confirm his earlier point was correct! With extra logic on his side thanks to Gonta going where he wasn’t meant to. and yes mugi that is what he just said please pay attention. He’ll keep defending it too, such as in the debate afterwards.

Tsumugi: It wasn't really in the stairs, was it? K1-B0: After all, there was only enough space for Himiko.

Shuichi’s busy agreeing with Korikiyo here since he actually goes into what another option might be other than reiterating it’s not the stairs. Trial goes on, Miu correctly accuses Kirumi but of course, it’s too early and baseless so we need to argue with her.

Gonta: I-Is too soon to tell. We should hear what everyone has to say, right? Miu: Fuck that noise! K1-B0: But, Miu, you don't have an alibi for when the crime occurred either, do you? Miu: Y-You think I’m suspicious? I...don’t even know where the gym is.

oh Miu. Robot is always glad to point out relatively simple contradictions like this and get people flustered. Not one to accuse though, since he might simply not know something...

Tenko: Anyway, among those four, the culprit must be the one who doesn't have an alibi! K1-B0: ...I apologize but given the circumstances, we have no choice but to suspect you. Tenko: Suspect who!? Who’s the culprit!?

Even though he says sorry, this triggers a mass panic debate :v Though it’s the logical thing to do, he can occasionally figure out putting people on the spot for murder can be uncomfortable and apologize for it. This is a friendly robot who is way nicer than most people are to him gdi. Miu, Kaito and Kirumi squabble it out. Keebs ends up being in TWO conversations :v

Miu: I have an alibi! K1-B0: What is your alibi? Miu: When I was running from Gonta...Things got a little...heated if ya catch my drift.

He caught it, and apparently had no interest in following up, as that segment switches to Angie asking after Maki’s alibi. Keebo decides to poke at Kirumi’s alibi instead. which is the weak point for this debate. All business today it seems!

Kirumi: That was five minutes before 9:00 p.m. K1-B0: Did you really leave the gym at 9:00 p.m.? Are you sure you did not stay at the gym?

Of course the bullet that breaks it is Kokichi’s account. Because Kokichi and Keebo get on like a house on fire :v which of course means it’s time for the two to squabble again.

Kirumi: This information could have been told to us beforehand. Kokichi: Sorry! Forgot! I definitely didn’t keep it a secret to make the trial more interesting! K1-B0: Forgot...? It seems far more plausible that you were telling another lie. Kokichi: Unlike robots, we meatbags can't pull out our memories from our hard drive. K1-B0: Was that supposed to offend me? Your irrationality fills me with pity...

Of course, the alibi ends up being worthless since the time of the crime isn’t what the kids think it is. (Later it’ll damn Kirumi but right now? not so much.) It makes Kirumi look like less of a suspect so it’s actively harmful, whoops :v So were you ‘forgetting’ because it won’t help solve the case yet...or just having fun. Either way, Keebo shows that he really needs to install a sarcasm detector, that was REALLY blatant. But sassy robot returns, he goes from angry to eye rolling once he realizes it’s more of a backhanded complement than an insult. ‘Why yes my memory IS better than yours, annoying purple meatbag’. Too bad it ultimately leads to Kirumi being off the hook so Kokichi can get his ‘make Maki and Kaito fightfightfight’ game on but I like this interaction. He gets to feel proud of himself a little :v He keeps this attitude for a bit, considering...

K1-B0: Most of that was unintelligible nonsense, but it would seem that Miu has an actual alibi. Kokichi: Yup. It took a while, but at least we got everyone's alibis cleared up...We should remember all of this, in case we need to recall these events again.

oh no they’re AGREEING. someone check hell it’s probably freezing over. But lookit that swipe at Miu. They really don’t start off on the right foot at all! We get the everyone’s alibi bullet which still ultimately means nothing(for now)...and Kokichi gets the fight ball rolling with a...surprising assist from Keebo?

Kokichi: If one of them is the culprit, then the innocent one should know who the guilty one is. Yeah? Because if you know you're not the culprit, then you can just accuse the other person. K1-B0: Yes, that is true. Kokichi: Which means, there is one person among us who definitely knows who the culprit is! To that someone who knows... Do your best to convince us! Work harder!

He’s still eye rolling here, but offers his agreement. which yes, it is true...if either of the accused is the culprit. Which they aren’t. Keebo doesn’t know this, obviously but it’s still weird to see them ‘working together’, but this happens more often the further we go. Mostly because Keebo will follow anything with a solid/logical backing. Kokichi might be a liar, but he generally has a solid bit of evidence or logic to springboard off of. (even when taking us in the WRONG DIRECTION. if you wanted to pressure maki we could have done this in a way easier way you little gremlin). So really, these two will team up more often than Keebo would with say...Kaito, who prompts his next line.

Kaito: Hmph... You don't get it. This isn't just any hunch...This is an official hunch from *the* Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars! Tsumugi: Wh-What...? K1-B0: How illogical... This is even more difficult to comprehend than Kokichi's antics. Kokichi: You're totally not serious! You can't be *that* stupid, right?

Yup. Kaito is more confusing than Kokichi. Kaito is basing Maki’s innocence on nothing but what he feels, which people can sort of get. We all have ‘hunches’, the backs of our brains picking up on little things that we might not actively be paying attention to, and he’s got a lot of belief and trust to give. We can get it, some people you just want to trust! Keebo doesn’t get it. Error, no input found, please give me a provable, actual reason for that hunch. I kind of think he doesn’t even get hunches himself. He can clearly worry, or have concern, but he might lack those sort of gut feelings on if you can trust something or not. After all, he can actively search through his own ‘brain’ and explain why he feels a certain way, he doesn’t need to just ‘have a feeling’. Kokichi following Keebo up here to slap an insult on an honest statement of ‘i have no goddamned idea what you’re on about’ is just expected :v

Kirumi: So...you do not have any evidence. K1-B0: Only baseless conjecture. Tenko: B-But...I totally get where he's coming from! Cuz I wanna believe in Himiko too!

Kaito’s inspiring speech broke zero ground in the ‘make the everyone understand’ attempt. Whoops. So Keebo’s backing up the murderer pointing out the lack of proof. As it is baseless conjecture. You need a fact, or at least a lie presented as fact to get him to understand what you’re driving at. This is honestly interesting, considering he’s ‘hope’ motivated later on. There’s nothing logical about a meaningless hope! So it feels less like him and more his...helpful voice telling him to ignore logic... Maki fesses up to say she saw Ryoma at nighttime

K1-B0: So Ryoma was still alive at nighttime!? Tenko: I thought the crime took place between 8 and 10 o'clock at night?

He’s not on board yet, but he’s listening! Even though if true, haha we spent all that time talking about stuff that doesn’t matter.

Miu: Quit fuckin' around! You think I'm dumb enough to swallow that line of crap!? Kirumi: Yes, this seems too convenient. K1-B0: But why did Maki wait until now to mention that? Kokichi: Ah-hahahaha! It’s totally obvious! Maki’s sooo desperate that she has to lie!

oh hi kirumi no big surprise you simply go ‘no it is garbage’. Keebo’s the one to offer a way out by asking why exactly she didn’t mention it until now, he’s not instantly saying it’s out of the question. Kokichi follows up to try and press that it’s a lie, answering his question. Which probably just tells him that he should keep listening, since Kokichi lies so much :v

Kirumi: Does this mean you an Ryoma recived one another’s motive video? Maki: Maybe... I actually didn't check the one I got, so I wouldn't know. K1-B0: Maki admitted earlier that she hadn't checked her Kubs Pad. Angie: Then why did Ryoma think that Maki had his motive video? Kaito: If he went around asking at random, he might've asked some people besides Maki. Miu: He never asked me! He probably never asked you guys either, right!? K1-B0: Then...who was it that told Ryoma about his Kubs Pad?

Flexing that good memory, and giving Maki a little backup. After all, Keebo’s an expert in what it feels like to get dismissed :v He them prompts Shuichi to Do His Thing in calling Kokichi out as the one who told Ryoma. (Though he doesn't actually get to make him answer before they get derailed again) Though even though he’s willing to listen and belive she possibly did see Ryoma...he’s still not too thrilled about Maki’s choice to keep it secret.

Korekiyo: *If* that story is true... Maki: ...It's true. K1-B0: Then why did you wait until now to bring that up? Maki: I didn’t say anything until now because I wasn’t in the mood to be suspected.

He’s pointing and everything. He’ll believe you but darn it explain. He wants to understandddd. But still, no name calling or excessive rudeness, because he is a good lad who doesn’t threaten or do such things. She explains not wanting to be suspected buuuut

Kaito: Well, whatever. Either way, let's just believe Maki. Angie: Yes, yes. Those who believe shall be saved. K1-B0: No, we need to wait. There is still more to confirm— Shuichi: Well then, why don’t we ask Kokichi?

couldn’t you wait for him to finish the goddamned sentence Shuichi. Still, Keebo’s not a hasty one, the second Kaito wants to just go ‘good enough’ robot is right back to WAIT NO THAT’S NOT LOGICAL. It does get Kokichi to properly admit he knows who had who’s pads though. More squabbling about believing Maki ensues...

Korekiyo: I find Maki's testimony suspicious. It's far too...convenient for her. K1-B0: This is...difficult to determine. Kokichi: Maki is lying! Like I said before, a liar like me knows their own kind!

Are you trying to convince Keebo, Kokichi? You keep reiterating your point right after he speaks. Keebo is basically admitting he’s completely undecided and not taking a stand either way, but he’s usually pretty wishy-washy...because having an opinion involves what he thinks. and he doesn’t like admitting what he’s thinking very much. Certainly not if he doesn’t have a fact to back him up. Shuichi lies in the following debate. keebo will basically always follow shuichi, he’s the ultimate detective. Though hearing everyone else agree/trust him first probably lets him consider it true more easily. (and kokichi just nudging shuichi he saw that lie but not doing anything about it...)

Himiko: So we're right back where we started... What a pain. K1-B0: However, it should be clear now that the crime occurred after nighttime began. Kirumi:  But then when was Ryoma's body placed inside the piranha tank?

Maki’s testimony + Kokichi’s admitting of telling Ryoma Maki had his kubspad + Shuichi’s lie about overhearing= enough to set this as ‘the truth’ for Keebo. It is true, but here comes Kirumi to instantly derail them to the wrong detail first. When doesn’t really matter right now!

Miu: So did we fuck up by thinkin’ the body got stuffed into the piranha tank? K1-B0: I don't think so. We have evidence to prove that's what happened. Tenko: Then when did the culprit throw the body into the piranha tank?

There is evidence, and even then he’s saying ‘think’. he’s so hesitant to speak in absolutes right now. As he might be wrong :v The whole Maki debacle was confusing for him. But now Tenko is repeating the question Kirumi posed and we go on a merry goose chase and have a scrum debate about it. Keebo’s on Shuichi’s side again. (He always will be, with one exception.) He doesn’t actually have a line though! He just gets to shout THIS IS OUR ANSWER with everyone.

K1-B0: That means it was certainly possible to put the body in the piranha tank from the window... Shuichi: However, I’m also positive the pane dividing the piranha tank was set up beforehand. Korekiyo: That certainly couldn't be tossed in. It would need to be placed carefully. Kirumi: Even if the culprit were to throw the body from outside the window...The window is far too high. It cannot be reached from the floor.

protag explaining tag team. Shuichi speaks more confidently in trials, saying things like ‘he’s confident’ while Keebo is hovering around with ‘possible’. You think our detective is an anxious mess half the time? so’s the robot :v oh and Kirumi is once again pointing out ‘problems’ to try and get the line of thought dropped. It works, considering we start going on about the ladder and whatnot and slam headlong into a logic wall until Maki says ‘okay no, time to talk about Where Die, not how get in fish tank’. You knew too Kokichi don’t you ‘ Why didn't anyone realize this yet?’ me :v

Shuichi: That’s important to remember...it’s not as if everyone here *wants* us to find the truth. One of us is trying to sabotage this trial... K1-B0: Well then, let's discuss the crime scene to figure out who the culprit is. Himiko: That's not a bad idea for a robot. The last time I heard such a good idea was......when Nino told me to move in with her under the bridge to get out of the cold. Tenko: Himikawa Under the Bridge!?

it’s a Arakawa Under the Bridge reference :v Honestly there’s tons of references in the game in general and we can totally blame Tsumugi for them. Keebs is glad to be the one to agree to a new topic though. Then he doesn’t have to state an opinion and can just fish for everyone else’s thoughts! He doesn’t even react to the ‘for a robot’ crack at him. :c Though for good reason I suppose when no one takes you seriously and judges you on a dime. Next nonstop debate to establish the crime scene...

Angie: Wasn't it the dorm room? Ryoma was relaxing in his room when he got attacked. K1-B0: But the cause of death was drowning. There is nothing in his room that could collect enough water.

Refuting Angie’s idea with a pointless weak point. I DO think the white noise that goes across when Miu goes ‘S-S-Sow’ might be Keebo though. ‘This is difficult to watch’ does match his general speaking style, and probable opinion :v

Angie: Hmmm...How did those handcuffs get from the lab to the water tank? Maki: Because Ryoma was wearing them, right? K1-B0: Yes, though they were only visible for a brief moment when Ryoma appeared in the tank. I am certain he was wearing the handcuffs at the time. Kirumi: The handcuffs were left after the piranhas devoured Ryoma

He did it, he said he was certain about something! Good job. Considering perfect memory and the horror that was that moment it was probably very easy to recall. oh dear keebo has perfect memories of all his friends corpses. that can’t be fun. oh and the fun of being THROWN AT THE REMAINS. Kirumi ‘helps’ with the easy logic of handcuffs didn’t get eaten. :v Now we’re working with the angle of body movement now that we know it came from Ryoma’s ultimate lab. Tenko suggests just tossing the body from the pool area...

Kirumi: Your explanation contradicts some things we discussed earlier. The gym window was too high to reach from the pool side, even if one used the ladder. Tenko: That’s right! I apologize! I must go on a journey to reflect on this! K1-B0: We keep hitting dead ends, since we don't know how the body was thrown into the gym... Kokichi: Nee-heehee... Well, that didn't really give us any info about the crime.

So of course the murderer tries to make it sound impossible, since we’re getting a bit too close to the truth! Keebo’s frustrated at this point, he’s eye rolling again with no leads to how it was actually done. He hasn’t considered the new approaches that could be possible now that they know where everything started. Kokichi ‘agreeing’ with him should be a tip off though :v shuichi goes and drives a brain taxi and raises the rope possibility.

Kirumi: Is the rope long enough to reach both windows? Korekiyo: The rope is roughly 65 feet in length. As for the distance between the windows... K1-B0: According to the sign at the pool, the width of the pool is roughly 35 feet...and the distance from the edges of the pool to the windows is an additional 16 feet. Altogether, the sum total length from one window to the other is roughly 50 feet. Gonta: And pool is only thing between research lab and gym windows... Miu: You bet it’s long enough! Heh! That’s what she said!

Chatty when he can do something easy like math! Numbers make sense and don’t confuse him with believing and who is working against them. Miu does basically sum up what Keebo took a paragraph to say tho. Since he needs to show his work. he likes having proof, and assumes everyone else likes knowing how he got the answer too. oh and reminder gonta is still plenty smart, he points out how to do the rope trick here. Then we talk about the zipline-i mean ropeway.

Korekiyo: You say the culprit placed their foot on the windowsill? Isn't that against school rules? It would count as entering the gym, would it not? Monosuke: Last time we got asked that question, we decided it was okay. Stickin' your body through the window is an automatic out, but standing on the sill is— K1-B0: Wait, who asked you last time? Monosuke: ...Eh? K1-B0: It is quite possible that the culprit went to you to confirm the details of their plan... Monosuke: ... ...O-Oh shiiiiit!

He does know how to press on something suspicious! Not too surprising he’s the one to confront a Kub, he even cut him off to do this. Keebo seems to put more stock in what the Monokubs say or do at any given time anyway. Of course, he won’t answer, but it isn’t really necessary. Just confirming someone asked was enough, which that freakout accomplished. Kirumi tries to sidetrack again with the ‘multiple trips’ thing...

Korekiyo: Which is why the crime was committed during nighttime, while we all slumbered. K1-B0: But if the culprit was so careful to recover the rope they used to commit the crime...Why did they leave the inner tube in the pool? Shuichi: I believe that was an accident.

He really, really loves questioning things. This part doesn’t make sense, better ask about it, and hurrah, my detective has an answer ready to go. He might not contribute much himself, but he does provide setup :v Shuichi announces Kirumi as his top suspect...

Korekiyo: That is not yet a certainty. Let us hear her testimony first. K1-B0: Is this true, Kirumi? Kirumi: I cannot believe you would suspect me...If that is the case, then I will have to deny it. I will not let you make the wrong choice.

question.exe is always running. i swear. Still, never just taking it right away, he wants to hear an answer. Snap judgements are not his thing. Even if he does lean towards believing Shuichi. because he has secret protag sensing powers. Trial 2 is such a change from one with how hard Kirumi fights here. since kaede did not want to kill everyone :v Keebs says quiet until he’s heard enough proof to throw his support behind Shuichi again

Shuichi: Just tying the rope to the frame wouldn't cause so much damage. The rope that was tied to the frames must have been weighed down significantly. The frames didn't break, but they were left with distinct marks. K1-B0: Those scratches are proof that you used a rope to carry the body to the windowsill. Kirumi: ... Kokichi: Oh? What’s wrong, Kirumi? What’s wrong, what’s wrong!? Hey, what’s wrong? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!?

Pictured: two very different confrontation styles. I suppose it makes sense Keebo would be knowledgeable about scratches on metal :v He’ll just state some proof that goes with Shuichi’s statement, while Kokichi attempts to annoy her into submission instead. Shuichi brings up the black fabric/the ‘everyone’ thing and Kirumi slips.

Kirumi: Y-Yeah, so what? You’re still wrong! Your logic is flawed!!! K1-B0: Kirumi...why are you becoming increasingly erratic? Korekiyo: Kehehe... There is such absolute beauty in trying to fight against the truth.

:c He’s confused again. Yelling out questioning perfectly good logic is strange for her, emotionally charged, and he hasn’t really figured out guilt and panic makes people act out strangely. He knows the feelings exist, but not the full extent they can go to. and really it can’t be fun to watch someone so collected start falling apart because they murdered another one of your friends and is going to die for it...

Shuichi: The extra uniforms in our rooms are made of the same material we're wearing now. We can test my theory by comparing the fabric scrap with your glove. Kirumi: Gh...grgh... K1-B0: ...Well, Kirumi? Will you allow us to compare the black fabric we found in the pool with your gloves? Kirumi: U-Uhhh...!

‘will you allow us to damn you’. Keebo, you sound like you’re mocking her if you ask now. but he probably doesn’t quite realize that. comic, kirumi spite votes shuichi...

Tenko: Th-There’s nothing good about this at all...! *sob, sniffle...* Wh-why did it have to be Kirumi...? K1-B0: Truly, this result was unexpected. Tsumugi: How can you be so calm about it...?

This time, the culprit actively tried to get away with it. He might not really know how to feel about the whole thing. Kaede was apologizing, while Kirumi was fighting the whole way (and will keep doing so). He probably would have said this about anyone though...suspecting friends isn’t something he likes to do. and you made him this way moogie shush. 

Tsumugi: You mean like from the motive video? So Kirumi watched hers after all? K1-B0: Earlier, Kirumi mentioned that she had accepted a request...Perhaps that request came from a someone important in her motive video? Kirumi: ... Maki: ...Do you have nothing to say for yourself?

Going to ask more questions to try and understand, as per usual. Kirumi does use this as a chance to try and get away again mhm. Keebo isn’t using any of his distressed sprites here either. He might be coming off as a bit heartless at the moment, poking at ‘why did you kill’ and not even looking shaken. so guess who mentions that after Kirumi drops the ‘prime minister’ bit.

Kokichi:  I don't think it's odd that an Ultimate-level talent could be *that* powerful. I mean, Kee-boy’s talent lets him pretend to be human, even though he’s a heartless robot. K1-B0: How rude! I am not pretending! I am still learning! Tsumugi: U-Uh...I see. Well...good luck, I guess.

Yes, this gets the biggest reaction out of him. That’s normal and easy to understand over ‘how do we feel about this.’ While Tsumugi mocks his attempts to learn because she’s terrible :v and Kokichi is almost another backhanded complement? ‘Pretend to be human’, so you do buy his ‘pretending’ and how he seems very human? even though you keep calling him heartless and emotionless...and getting him thrown at things...

Monokuma: I am the ruler of this world. Nothing is beyond my power. Shuichi: Nothing is beyond your power? What kind of arrogant, ridiculous— K1-B0: That is 100% a lie! It is impossible that he could bring disaster to a country! Monokuma: Puhu... Puhuhuhu

Keebo feels the need to cut Shuichi off here! To back him up, but I wonder if his inner voice was telling him he had to deny that claim. He’s throwing out impossible and 100%, certainties...while Monokuma is mugging for the audience. as he basically is a god in their fake little world. It would explain how he’s changed his mind by the next line...

Tsumugi: Kirumi's got the lives of hundreds of millions of people on her shoulders, right? K1-B0: Logically, Kirumi’s survival would result in fewer casualties than our collective survival would. Himiko: Geez... Maybe it would've been better if we'd gotten the culprit wrong...

He seems to believe it now. Not enough to say anything definitive, but he will say it’s ‘logical’. even though you can’t really assume that. Who knows what the collective rest could do for people? No one :v

Kokichi: Do you really think someone as desperate to live as Kirumi would give up so easily? Of course not. In fact, she probably still hasn't given up, even now. She was hoping that learning the truth would make one of us volunteer to die in her place. K1-B0: ...What!? Kirumi: ... Kokichi: But Monokuma would never allow a blackened to escape punishment, so maybe......she wanted everyone to rebel, so she could use that as cover to escape on her own. ...How about it, Kirumi? Am I close?

This shakes him. Lying over something so important is almost unbelievable. After all, he couldn’t see why someone would lie on someone else’s behalf with their life on the line in trial one. Not really a shock he doesn't consider the opposite being possible too. Keebo doesn’t really...lie. Basically ever. The closest he ever gets is a flustered non answer that is technically a lie in a back route. He still cheers her on when she makes a break for it though.

K1-B0: Run! Please hurry!

He doesn’t really react to the death, he’s prompted to speak by Angie.

Angie: ...Oh? Isn't that what Atua said? All desire, even your desire to escape this place, can corrupt you beyond redemption. K1-B0: It's Monokuma who is corrupt. He is the one who distributed the motive videos. Korekiyo: Those videos were more dangerous than we thought. To have driven Kirumi that far...

He’d still rather blame the obvious antagonist over the people he calls friends. Clashing with Angie here doesn’t stop him from getting roped in later...hhm.

Shuichi: That must be why Kirumi did not want to show the videos. She thought that if everyone felt the same murderous rage that she did...this killing game would be pure chaos. She...wanted to stop it. Kokichi: If that's the case, then we really shouldn't show our videos to each other! K1-B0: That was our consensus from the beginning. Not including you, of course.

Shuichi gives a pretty kind interpretation of her actions, and Kokichi earns some robot sass for his actions. Kokichi likely had his own video and was not driven to any such murder...figured out his own plan might actually be bad too little too late.

K1-B0: For now...we should rest. To me, that seems the most rational course of action.

keebo wants to be morgana. GO TO BED. While you just...sit around awake all night long and think about what happened, I guess. Of course, we won’t do that because we have another reveal to do first.

Kokichi: Maki admitted it during the class trial, remember? Ryoma wanted her to show him his motive video cuz he was looking for a reason to live. But that wasn’t the whole story... Ryoma was blackmailing you, wasn’t he, Maki? K1-B0: B-Blackmail? Ryoma just so happened to discover Maki's true identity. So he used that to blackmail her. I bet he said something like... “If you don’t show me my motive video, I’ll tell everyone what you really are.”  That's why Maki didn't want us to know she met with Ryoma. She wanted to keep her true identity a secret! That’s why she kept quiet until the last minute!

That’s the last thing he does, enables Kokichi by asking for clarification :v Hope you liked to see Keebo do things, as the ‘trio’ forms up he has fewer chances to show up. He’s still got a few in 3, but in 4 and 5 he’s fairly sidelined. Well he TALKS a lot, but mostly just his normal questions :v

hahaha this took way to long why am i like this. when am i going to cover his gifting dialouge. who knows. aaaaaaaaaaa. feel free to yell at me about the robitt. or any of the characters :v Chapter 3 will come sooner than I expect I assume...

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Blameless? Shameless? More like Shiftless: Wrap-up

I grumbled and fumbled through the first book in the series Soulless or Brainless. I fumed and gloomed through the second book Changeless or Gormless.

Now we’re onto the last book of the (initial) trilogy Blameless or...how I originally wanted to riff it...

But, I do not have riffs for you for this book.  Why?  I thought this series would end because I would run out of energy for it.  That’s not what happened...the true reason, is that this book is BY FAR the best out of the three, and that because of that most of my riffs aren’t very funny.  Despite that, I would not classify this book as GOOD by my standards. I think it’s barely mediocre and fixed a lot of problems the other books had.  So I feel as if I have to concede a bit here.

Instead of riffs, you’ll be getting a summary and my review so I feel as if I can tie this off with a nice little bow.

Summary:

Obvious spoilers ahead.

The world is steampunk supernatural Victorian England.  Vampires and Werewolves are real things, and there are also soulless.  Soulless are another set of supernaturals that can negate the powers of vampires and werewolves with touch.  Alexia is a soulless, and is married to an important werewolf Maccon.  Alexia becomes pregnant by Maccon, however werewolves are not supposed to be able to have children.  So Maccon is convinced she cheated and abandons her.

Alexia goes back to live with her family.  She discovers her one vampire friend has split town without warning, and that every other vampire is out to kill her for this pregnancy.  However she wants to prove that the child is Maccon, so she decides to go to Italy with her friends.  Italy is a country that’s run by religious zealots out to murder every single supernatural person and DESPITE THE OBVIOUS benefits a soulless could provide that organization they treat soulless people shitty too.  However, they suspect that with all the research they’ve done, they will have some information which can prove Alexia right. So Alexia travels to Italy with her dead dad’s stoic bodyguard Floote, and with a woman who has a crush on her named LeFoux.

Meanwhile her husband Maccon is being shitfaced and angsting a bunch about this.  His 2nd in command Lyall is taking care of all his duties.  Eventually Maccon sobers up and publishes a public apology for Alexia and claims that the baby is in fact his.  Also on this end it is discovered that Alexia’s vampire friend Akeldama had his boyfriend kidnapped.  So Maccon and Lyall manage to rescue the boyfriend, murdering the head vampire and being forced to change the boyfriend into a werewolf to save his life.

On the trip to Italy they battle a bunch of vampires and meet some allies.  When they get to Italy they’re captured by the religious Zealots known as the Templars.  When the Templars find out she’s with child they lock her in the dungeon.  However with the help of her friends and Maccon they rescue her.  Maccon and Alexia make up and happy end.

My review:

The story in itself…is simply not good.  I could list you plot holes by the dozen by neither of us has the patience for that I’m sure.  I think the sticking point for me is that their whole mission feels pretty pointless. They go through all this hassle getting to Italy (which honestly seemed like a super bad idea) while also being attacked by vampires the entire time and for what?  To find out that yes she could get pregnant from a werewolf?

….Don’t we already know that since she’s uhh pregnant from a werewolf?

The lore of this book is super bad.  All the major plot points hinge on nobody understanding anything about a rare but super fascinating and important race of people.  It feels as if the author doesn’t really care about her own lore, and makes everybody in her fictional world the same. Also it’s kinda hard for me to believe, that even if female soulless are super rare that literally in this world’s whole history a female soulless has become pregnant by a supernatural person twice.  TWICE! IN IT’S ENTIRE HISTORY! SEEMS LEGIT!

But there is a reason this is the best out of the three I swear!

I think the story starts off really strong with believable and easy-to-understand exposition that draws you in.  I legit read the first chapter of this book and was like, “WHAT THE FUCK, WE’RE A GOOD SERIES NOW!?!??!”

I think a large part of what makes it better for me is that they finally treat this series like an action/adventure.  There are lot of vampire battles, fighting weird technology, and dramatic escapes using wild steampunk vehicles.  We also have Maccon fighting werewolves and vampires, and dramatically saving a person from a glass bubble from the bottom of a river.

The steampunk technology used here is just straight up really lame and forced but I think that’s easily forgiven in a silly action adventure novel.

I think the POINT of books of this nature. Is the fun action!  We also pace this all together well.  We have suspense, breaks from the action, and it’s not all the same pow pow fight scene by a long shot.  I will say there isn’t a lot of suspense that she won’t be able to make it out alive. Nobody dies or even sustains any kind of serious injury.  The protagonists seem to fight as if they’re invincible, but oddly enough LeFoux spends a lot of the later scenes almost instantly getting knocked unconscious. Which I suppose is fine to up the ante of the tension but she’s the only one who gets that treatment and she gets it a lot…which is kind weird.  

Speaking of LeFoux, I was really bummed about her and Alexia’s relationship in this book.  One of the few enjoyable things about the last book was the lesbian flirting and the unresolved sexual tension between LeFoux and Alexia.  Sure Alexia didn’t know lesbians were a THING but it was quite clear that Alexia was attracted to LeFoux.  In this book LeFoux continues to flirt with Alexia but Alexia treats it like a droll annoyance.  Quite frankly it doesn’t make any sense if you’ve read the last book.  Alexia is at her lowest point in her relationship to her shitty husband, there is mutual attraction, LeFoux treats her nicely and is very willing, they’re off on an exciting and at points romantic tour of France, Alexia is on the cusp of a huge life change without her family or her husband’s support, and LeFoux is raising a child too.  I get that Maccon/Alexia has got to be OTP and that you don’t want her to look like she would actually cheat since, cause she’s gotta be morally better than the negative reputation she’s getting in the press. Yet at no point is a relationship with LeFoux treated as even a temptation for her. There isn’t even like a sub plot where Alexia worries about hurting LeFoux’s feelings or clearly explains that they can’t be together.  LeFoux has no reaction when Alexia reconciles with her husband.  It’s not treated as fucking anything more than comedic swatting down of lesbian advances.  So honestly? That kinda made me angry.  Now Alexia did sexually assault LeFoux last book and totally doesn’t deserve her but to treat her now as they wacky queer who hits on your Mary-Sue so you remember your Mary-Sue is hot is utterly aggravating. 

The story still has the major problem of being such a no bummers train that she won’t dare give LeFoux and Alexia a messy relationship.  It could have been so much more compelling ugh!  A part of me wonders if the author originally intended for the two to get together this novel since there was all that previous build up and the set up here makes it ideal.  Yet an editor said BIG NO to it, because apparently a hero cheating in a book is considered one of the most toxic of novel poisons.  OH WELL!

But a female/female relationship that is way better in this book?  That would be the friendship between Ivy and Alexia.   In the last book, Ivy was the stupid comic relief with romantic troubles.  Alexia spent the last book just being a condescending asshole to her.  Ivy never treated Alexia’s bullshit romantic troubles with anything other than support and respect but did not get the same in return.  They did not seem like friends.  Ivy was there to make Alexia look better and for a cheap laugh at Ivy’s expense even though she does nothing wrong. That was garbage.  In this book however Ivy trusts Alexia that she didn’t cheat, gives her all her love and support, gives her tea for her trip, and competently runs LeFoux’s hat shop while they’re both away.  In exchange Alexia appreciates what Ivy is doing and treats her like a smart person capable of doing difficult tasks.

I said it before and I’ll say it again.  Ivy is MVP of this series and you CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND!

But while we’re talking about relationships the crux of this series is Alexia and Maccon. I wonder if this is my favorite book of the series because they barely interact in person. The one time at the end where they reconcile was unbearable. Basically the just barely escape the dungeon and the entire crew is standing just outside it.  Alexia goes on a tirade about how much she hates Maccon but she’s very obviously pretending to be mad at him, and it’s the most pathetic scene in the series.  It was rushed and painfully awkward.  We just immediately forget about any possible danger and the other people there so Alexia can pointlessly pout while we all pretend its agency. (It’s not.) We also than very quickly transition them to a RANDOM barn so they can have sex, which is fade to black anyway.

I can’t help but view their reconciliation as a desperate woman who’s been through a lot, wants so badly for things to be less chaotic and familiar again that she capitulates to a shit boy garbage man.  She has many, many, many reasons to be properly mad at him. She is shunned by her family, loses her job, becomes a social outcast who can’t walk down the street without being harassed, and is the target of open and constant vampire hostility.  But he publishes a public apology and now they’re even.  The public apology is talked about as ~humiliating~ but he loses nothing for it. The series tries to sell us that they’re equals in this relationship cause they sass each other.  They are not equals in this relationship.  The series never seems to acknowledge that Alexia does like 90% of the work and gets way more shit than Maccon could ever dream of. Not that the series has to have a political message, it just seems so doped up by our shit heterosexual culture that it has no self-awareness.  I dislike Alexia for being a bad person, but Maccon is a worse person who doesn’t do anything good and lives a charmed life while his wife suffers quicker and more severely.  And what do we get out of it?  Dialog that can be boiled down to…

“Let’s have sex”

“No you’re a gross terrible very bad man!”

“Oh okay, I’ll go over here to contribute nothing and whine a lot.”

“I MEAN MAYBE IT WON’T BE SO BAD TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU???????????”

“…Is that a yes?”

“YOU VERY BAD MAN WHO IS GROSS AND TERRIBLE! I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX WITH YOU.............................................................

.............................................................….unless?”

I hate it very much.

So let’s talk other characters:

Floote is boring and pointless.

Tunstell shows up briefly to be comedic relief and really bad comedic relief at that.  He shows up in LeFoux’s lab and opens with him being very afraid of her wacky technology but then immediately starts sticking his fingers in dangerous stuff. Way to contradict your character in under a paragraph.

The way Channing was established last book, while making him look like a shitbird, gave him personality. In this book he’s there as a protective prop to make Maccon look marginally better. None of his personality comes out at all, and despite the last book showing him as a romantic rival there is 0 of that in this book.  I don’t think he has more than 3 lines of dialog.

LeFoux’s one friend was also pointless and personality-less to the point I can’t even be bother to look up his name.  He existed so they could dramatically borrow his flying contraption.

The villains of this series are two-fold:

We have the Templars who are religious zealots who want to kill all supernaturals and are disgusted by Alexia’s kind despite how useful she could be.  They were not good villains because they are utterly pathetic. They let Alexia and her friends have the run of the place.  While they can go outside the compound, once captured, they’re followed to make sure they return.  However, the author did not do an adequate job making that atmosphere…even stressful. The pack of them should be frightened by this.  They should be treading on eggshells because one wrong move and it’s an inquisition for them!  …No they zip around enjoying pesto and don’t seem to have a care in the world.

Even when the fight is brought to them?  They spend their whole lives training to kill supernaturals but when they get a chance to do so to protect Alexia they’re not very good at it.  3 podunk humans managed to evade capture by the entire vampire community as they trotted through Europe but zealots trained from birth to stake vampires fall left and right when they’re attacked by them?

OH YEAH, REALLY FEELING LIKE THEY’RE A LEGIT THREAT! THANKS FOR THAT!

Oh but don’t worry we have another villain to help balance things out!

We have Langs-Dorf or whatever the fuck his name is.  He is a heartless dude who researches soulless.  He basically wants to use her for experiments so he later teams up with the Templars and spills the beans that’s she’s preggorz.  

He, like the Templars, are flaccid shit tier babies.  He’s the archetypal sniveling scientist, who can’t even outwit them.  He honestly doesn’t even really get much screen-time. I am not exaggerating when I say they dedicate more time to describing what his irritating dog gets up to than what he does.  They did that for comedic purposes, sure okay whatever.  But it’s not funny and the ankle attacking just highlights how harmless he is as well.

So Alexia’s pregnancy?  

I mean, they do try to give her a character arc on how she feels about carrying a child.  It starts with her calling it an inconvenience and just assuming she’ll miscarry eventually.  Yet later is like, “Well I guess it’s okay if it lives.”  I’m glad they tried but they didn’t do a good job. Little time is dedicated to her personal feelings on the matter and her steps in pregnancy acceptance feel disjointed. It felt very much like,

Chapter 1:

This sucks.

Chapter 10:

Well I’m not morning sick today.

Chatper 20: I guess it’s okay.

I get we can’t talk about her wanting an abortion cause EVERYTHING IS GOOD TIMES but this no-bummers train cruising straight into never-frown-town we’re on here really stamps down her ability to have a MEANINGFUL arc not just on her role of her impending motherhood but like recognizing it’s going to be whole different human being.  ISN’T HER PREGNANCY SUPPOSED TO BE THE CORNERSTONE OF THIS WHOLE BOOK?!  Like at least 50 shades had Ana recognize her pregnancy as ANOTHER POTENTIAL PERSON and that she wanted to protect it even after her shitty husband lost his mind over it.

But I mean…for Alexia it’s at least in character cause she doesn’t give a shit about anything besides herself.  Alexia has not won me over as a relatable protagonist I want to root for.  She’s self-obsessed, and dumb.  Yet the whole world clamors about how great she is. She never has consequences tied to her negative choices or personality traits. She never gets in trouble for going into dangerous situations without planning.  Nor does she get in trouble for her lack of empathy, or belligerence. What she does get in trouble for is being born a soulless woman.  It feeds her smug martyr complex and overall is pretty fucking annoying.

TL;DR

Plot and characters? Bad

But this time the story has action, suspense, good pacing, and Ivy never did anything wrong. Good!

[ivydcmir-blog]

☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT.  ☁☼☁    

oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !

first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... ) 

her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were

basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !

she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home

so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family 

she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved

as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored

high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things 

despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin 

of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....

after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning ! 

PERSONALITY & TIDBITS

so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl 

for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips

a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle

full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one

once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette. 

picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning. 

speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.  

rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....

thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @  EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172

[yoshimickster]

RWBY Volume 6 Episode “Alone in the Woods” Micksterecap-THINGS HAPPEN FINALLY!

Hey everybody hoping you had a good week, mine’s had some bumps but I’m still dancin’ so WHATEVS-lets get to Micksterecap!

OUR EPISODE STARTS OUT-

-with Ruby thinking about reenacting her favorite scene from “An American Tail”, moon and everything-BUT-

2:05 -CAN’T due to Bumblebee angst. Look at Weiss in the middle there, no WAY she doesn’t know she’ a buffer between the two of them. Girl just wants to be warm, why does she also have to be in between passive aggressive romance drama?

Its sad times like this when a girl JUST needs a stable adult to talk to, so she GOES to Qrow-

-aaaaaaaaaaand he’s drinking...super. Way to keep it together, one of only 2 stable adults. He then tells her that he’s okay and that he’ll wake everyone up in the morning because he’s the STABLE adult he is!

A CUT TO-Maria telling Oscar about the late man of the house Bartleby, and how the farming community was going through a BIT of tough times, which I’m SURE he didn’t try to solve by using the dark arts...so sure.

Ruby than tells everyone they gotta go to sleep as they gotta get out of this rejected Evil Dead setting ASAP, which I’m sure Qrow will DEFINITELY be awake to wake up everbod-

4:13 Oooooooooooooooooooooh Qrooooooooooooooow...you got a problem man. That’s an ENTIRELY different bottle of booze. AND-just when you think his drinking problem couldn’t be even MORE of a problem-

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH she woke up before him and saw him in this state. We’re getting real here folks, we’re tackling alcoholism, WE’RE DOING IT FOLKS!

In a FIT of anger-

-Ruby SMASHES that shit-

-WAKING-his drunk ass up-

-making him INSTANTLY realize he broke a promise due to his drinking...we are getting DANGEROUSLY close to very special episode territory here folks.

Ruby than gives him a sweet hug telling him he could talk to her and Yang about stuff, but like many people with a problem Qrow brushes it off...uuuuuuuuuuuuuh...HAMMERS! Sorry...trying to make a joke here but its just...SUCH an angst fest!

5:36 Everyone else is awake, hell Weiss even welded a hitchemup to Bumblebee(the bike not the ship) with her dust magic so the cart will attach to it! When Weiss learned welding I do NOT know but I’m glad she did!

EITHER WAY everything goes out fine without ANY proble-

-aaaaaaaaaand Qrow’s Misfortune pops the tire (Ruby, HIDE THE BOOZE).

This single deflated tired sparks a chain reaction of mental anguish, where everyone is practically giving up on the mission, Yang even tells Ruby she should just throw the Jinn lamp down the well ALSO-

7:43 These three just...STARE at Ruby until she drops it in the well...like weird sleepy zombies. Ruby attempts to toss that sucker down the well-

-while ALSO sporting a sleepy zombie demeanor like everyone else which I’m SO SURE won’t mean anything later-BUT THEN-

“Hey kid...you like balloons?”

Ruby than drops the lamp, LOGICALLY freaks out about it ALL WHILE-

-these...three sleepy bitches don’t give a SHIT! If you can ‘t tell by now, some CLEAR devil magic is being had here.

Ruby somehow being the ONLY person to not be sleepified, gets her team to join her in getting the magical lamp that the bad guy wants that is STILL a freakin priority! And I’m sure Qrow, being a mature man of body and mind will FIGHT BACK the curse holding them-

Qrow: Everyone do whatever, I’m gonna drink away my feelings.

Ooooooooooooooh right, depression.

9:29 Team RWBY jumps down the well without receiving fall damage, in what is CLEARLY Killer Croc’s level in Batman Arkham Asylum. Get the Poison Ivy spores and then GET OUT OF THERE! The four than search for the lamp-ALL WHILE-

Maria continues to read Bartelby’s diary which I’m sure will have NOOOOOOOOOOOOO relevance at all...absolutely none.

After slightly more emo than usual Blake points out their scroll’s flashlights are useless when they’re looking for a glowing lamp of infinite glowing-

-BAM-they finds that shit, and I’m sure NOTHING bad will happen when they go look for it, not Salem’s crew, not White Fang-bangers, not nightmare Grimm that suck away your will to care about anything creating utter and total apath-

-ooooooooooooooh crap, RUN OLD WOMAN! RUN AND HELP THOSE FOUR TEENAGERS WHO AREN’T USED TO THE SOUL CRUSHING NOTHINGNESS!

OH SWEET JESUS-they’re all bendy and moaning, and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! They even freak out Ruby-

-BUT thankfully-

-THAT was enough to wake them up from their case of the SERIOUS mondays. TERROR-the greatest alarm clock of all! Ruby THEN introduces them to the monsters of the week-

-DAMMIT-I wish I could get a better picture of how unsettling they all are, like freaky inky skeletons. Ruby then gives the FIRST volley-

11:12

-WHICH does nothing! That’s what you get for forgetting those super cross-bullets from the character short Ruby...and RWBY in general, what the hell happened to those things? Its even worse when the Apathy uses-EMO SHRIEK-

And its SUPER effective! THANKFULLY THOUGH-

OLD LADY MARIA APPEARS to save the day...by...encouraging them to run! Hey, helping’s helping, I’m not picky.

Maria: LET’S GO LESBIANS, LET’S GO!

Team RWBYM then runs ALL throughout the catacombs, running into more and more of these Grimm zombie fucks and JUST when they get to the exit-

-AND they hit em with another depression wave, they make Blue Diamond look like Holly Blue!

12:29 That don’d stop Maria, the little Yoda that could from trying to open the door-BUT-to no avail! Strong will power has its limits. ALSO-Blake has the most...HORRIFYING reaction to the Apathy’s power-

Blake:...its fine.

While she just LIES down, complacent in the absolute nothingness the Apathy gave them, just CREEPY!

Things are just NOT looking good folks, the music keeps getting creepier, the Grimm keep getting closer, and the PROM is tomorrow! But RIGHT before one of the skeledudes try to Freddy Kruger Blake-

Ruby: NO-not my sister’s almost girlfriend!

WOO-silver eyes-STUN THOSE LITTLE BITCHES!

Things seem good for like THREE seconds, Yang rushes to the door to bash it open BUT-

-they blast them with YET ANOTHER emo wave-RIGHT before Yang could get to the door.

Yang: NO-I can’t reach one of my two almost girlfriends!

Don’t lie, some of you were thinking shippy thoughts with that shot, and you DISGUST ME!

13:54 Once again its up to RWBY Grandma Katara to SAVE the day!

Maria: Ruby, what color are your eyes?

By...asking questions about eye color apparently! Also her goggles don’t look THAT distorted, I’m amazed she hasn’t guessed their silver.

Maria than gives her the ULTIMATE pep-talk, Ruby gets up and REVEALS-

-SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HA GRIMM DISINTEGRATION POWERS! AWESOME! H-wait...did Ozpin KNOW about how Silver Eye powers WORKED? Cos if he did...wwwwwwwwwwwhy didn’t he get Ruby a tutor? Because that is one BAD ASS super power!

Either way it was an attack SO awesome-

-that it fixed Maria’s eyes! HUZZAH!

Yang bashes the exit’s door, REVEALING IT LEADS TO-

15:22 -THE HOUSE...uh, yeah where else would it lead? I’m just saying EVERYONE here is surprised, including Weiss and Ruby who saw the door LAST episode. Man, intense magical apathy must do TERRORS on the memory-WHICH-is actually true for those for depression. They ALSO see-

DRUNKLE QROW-who has been ABSOLUTELY useless this ENTIRE episode due to the Apathy amplifying his depression. Seriously, I want to point out he DOES look worse in this episode than others, most times he was a functional drunk, this time he went full off the wagon.

Everybody decides to logically leave this hellish house of hell-housery-RIGHT BEFORE THE ANIMATORS-

15:37 Give us SHIP BAIT! GLORIOUS GLORIOUS SHIP BAIT!

Either way, Weiss who is absolutely DONE with being scared and apathetic does the ONLY logical thing one can do in this situation-

-SET SOME BITCHES ON FIRE! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH-their gonna toast up NICE with all that wood and alcohol there!

After pushing a belligerent Drunkle Qrow who EVENTUALLY notices the death monsters-

16:26 See that look? THAT is a combo look of both breaking from a plus 10 apathy enchantment AND instant sobriety!

Either way, everyone gets on the cart attached to Bumblebee and they get OUT OF THERE-

...rather...smoothly I gotta say! I mean what is that, 25 miles an hour? Bumblebee has a GOOD amount of horsepower for a motorcycle, wander why Yang had so much trouble trudging it through the snow earlier.

Everybody than says sorry for ever saying they’d want to quit the debatably futile mission of stopping an immortal witch, Maria gives final backstory on the apathy inducing monsters they fought being rounded up there by dumb-ass Bartleby who just didn’t want to pay Hunstmen and thought putting his friends and family into a state of constant apathy was a good idea, bla bla bla-TELL US WHAT WE ALL READY KNOW WOMAN!

Ruby: Ms Calavera, how do you know so much about the Grimm, and in the tunnels you know exactly what to say to make my eyes do that...how?

Maria: Well, isn’t it obvious girl...I had silver eyes!

BAM-a creepy as hell horror episode, more examples of Qrow’s drinking being a LEGIT problem, and SECRETS REVEALED in Maria being a Silver-eyes! DAMN what a good episode, hell the Apathy are almost as creepy as the Nuckaleave, and I LOVES the Nuckaleave!

Either way, fun episode, if you want to support my Patreon or Kofi just ask or message me, SEE YA NEXT WEEK ON MICKSTERECAPS!

[surveys-r-us]

it’s 2019 and i still do these

Do you know people with these names? For each name, say if you know someone with that name and how you know them.

Aaron: I know multiple Aaron’s. Two of them are former coworkers. The other one is someone I know of but haven’t really talked to much.  Adam: A jerk face.  Aisha Alanna Alex: Off the top of my mind, I think of someone I matched with on bumble a few months ago.  Alexa Alexandria: A girl from elementary school Allegra Allie: Someone from high school who had a baby.  Allison: A girl from my sorority (that I quit)

Alondra

Amanda: One of my early college friends who transferred. I don’t even follow her on social media anymore.

Amber Amie Ana: Another girl from my old sorority lol.  Anaïs Andreas Andrew: I know a few.  Angela: A girl I used to play soccer with in middle school.  Angelica Anna: Someone from high school. Think she moved after graduating college.  Annie Ari Ashley: Not the biggest fan of because she gets involved in other people’s business (including mine) but we’ve had some fun memories.  Ashna Audrey Austin: cute guy from my hometown who I talked for like a week senior year of high school Becky Ben: A friend I’ve never actually met in person but we talk every few months.

Berkeley: Someone who studied abroad in Ireland with me. She might’ve spelled it differently.  Beth: One of my first friends in college. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve met. Bobby: Another person from college. He can kinda be a dick.  Bolor Brendan: My friend who plays guitar and sings. Super talented. We bonded over our music tastes being relatively similar.  Bridgid Britney: I think it was spelled Brittany but a girl in the grade below me in high school.  Brooke: My little cousin. Cal Callie Cam Cameron: I had a brief crush on him back in high school.  Camille: One of my old roommates’ close friends. I’ve only talked to her like twice.  Camryn Carmen: A distance cousin.  Caro Caroline: I know like 5 Caroline’s. My old roommate is one of them.  Casilda Cecile Cecily Chanel Chloe: The first person I thought of was a friend’s little sister.  Chris: Super liberal, obsessed with Game of Thrones and listens to Talking Heads Christina: One of my sister’s friends.  Christopher: Someone from high school. I’ve known him since kindergarten.  Claire: One of my best friends.  Claudia Claudine Cole: Was just wondering about him the other day since he deleted all his social media. Wonder what he’s up to. I know he’s a pilot.  Connie Connor: He plays football and writes for our student newspaper.  Courtney: She’s hilarious.  Cyrus Daisy Dakota Dana Danielle: Someone from my high school who also went to my college. She was older than me though. David: This cool guy from the Netherlands I met my last night in Ireland. He was apparently super into me according to my sister. He deleted me on snapchat though so now I don’t know how to communicate with him.  Delilah Diane: My aunt.  Diego Donald Doug: A family friend Duncan Dylan: My best friend’s ex. Pretty sure he got busted for selling drugs lol Eleanor Elijah Elise: My sister Eliza Elizabeth: One of my sister’s friends.  Ella Elle: Another girl from my sorority. She tags her boyfriend in things a lot on facebook. Ellie: Another person from high school. She’s like me and got the fuck out of this town.  Elliot Emerson Emily: Man I know a ton. One that comes to mind is my friend who we can go months without talking and pick things up like no time passed.  Emma: Someone from college who deleted her social media recently. I applaud her for it.  Eric Erika: Erica. Went to middle school with her. She’s had two kids.  Ethan: Dude I knew of in college but never really talked to. Faith: One of my old coworkers. I would see her out at parties and be surprised since she didn’t seem like someone who drank.  Fiona Francesca: Franz George: This short kid who’s sorta friends with one of my old roommates. I had class with him and didn’t even realize it until 3 weeks before the semester ended haha.  Ginny Giselle Grace: My beautiful cousin Graham Hadley Hailey: One of the few people from high school I’d still hang out with. 

Hannah: Wasn't a big fan of her.  Havana Helen Henry: Someone else from high school. He’s super smart.  Hugo Huma Ilana Indra Isabel: One of my favorite coworkers from this past year. Such a sweetheart. However, she can talk too much which was especially annoying at our mandatory meetings at 9 PM (college jobs suck) when I just wanted to go home and go to bed.  Isabella Itza Ivy Izzy: Think there was a girl with that name on my floor freshman year Jackie Jacob: Old neighbor. He got busted buying weed before it was legal here. Not sure what he’s doing now James: My uncle Jamie Jason: A family friend. Actually saw him the other day.  Jennifer: My former aunt.  Jenny: see above Jess: One of my closest friends.  Jhadha Joe: My old manager at work. I miss him. He’s so funny.  John: My music soulmate.  Jonathan: He plays football. He and his girlfriend are super cute together.  Joseph: An asshole.  Joyce J.P. Jude Julia Julie Justin: A distant relative.  Kaan Kai Karina Kat Kate: One of my cousins.  Katherine Kinaya Kira Kristie Lanie Laura: She’s from Hungary. She’s low key insane.  Lauren: Aye that’s me. Also one of my best friends.  Leah: My old supervisor. She’s hilarious. León Lexxi Liberty Lisette Louisa Luca Luis Lynette MacKenzie: Spelled differently but this girl who’s somehow a Trump supporter lol.  Maddie: A really complicated friendship but think we’re good now.  Maggie: Actually one of the funniest people you could meet. She uses tinder just to send stupid messages.  Makena Manlio Margaret Margo Maria: My old roommate.  Marianna Mariely Martha Martin Mayuri McKinley Megan: The person I think of is a friend from college.  Meredith Mia: One of my really close friends.  Michael: My ex boyfriend lol Michelle: One of my oldest friends. I’ve known her since 1st grade.  Mike: This dude who gets insanely drunk at the bars and does stupid things. I don’t know how he hasn’t been arrested.  Minah Miranda: This artsy girl from high school.  Molly: Another old neighbor. She lives in Chicago I think.  Morgan: One of my close high school friends. I don’t really see her often.  Nadia Nancy Natalie: A mutual friend with different people. She studied abroad in Ireland when i did.  Nathan Nathanael Neoma Nichole: She was my camp counselor.  Nico Nikki Noah Noelle: Pretty sure there’s a girl from my hometown with that name.  Octavio Olivia: My locker buddy throughout high school. Would see her every day.  Orion Owen: Went to college with him for a bit. He transferred and then dropped out. No idea what he’s been up to. He’s really into theatre.  Paige: My little cousin Pam Pat Patrick: My old high school crush. He unfollowed me on instagram a few months ago which sucks because we were actually decently close friends at one point.  Paul: A family friend.  Paula Pauline Peter: I definitely know a Peter but can’t think of one.  Phoebe Phong Price Quinn Rachel: Another person from high school I’d actually still hang out with.  Rai Railey Raquel Ray Rayne Rebecca: Known her since 2nd grade.  Rebkah Regina Reilly Remy Ren Rhianna Robert: My friend’s brother.  Rohini Roither Rose Ruby Ruilin Sabrina Sakura Salim Sally Sam: This super buff guy from high school. Literally could be a bodybuilder for all I care. Sapna Sarah: This really religious girl I went to high school with. I don’t think she ever left our hometown.  Savanah Sebastian Shani Shannon: One of my good friends from middle school. I haven’t seen her in years.  Siena Snigdha Sofia Sophie Soren Spencer: Think a guy from my high school has a younger brother with this name.  Summers Sydney: She just got married and had like a two week honeymoon at Disney. Taran Taylor: Talked to one for like two weeks. His current girlfriend hates me but we kinda mutually ended things so I don’t get why.  Tessa: One of the nicest people from the nicest family in my entire town. Thea Theo Theresa: I’ve met a couple in college.  Tim: My uncle Tom: I’m not really a fan of him. He likes to show up to things uninvited. Tori Ural Victoria: Someone from my floor freshman year. She’s vegan and is getting married in like a month. I can’t wait to see her wedding photos. Her dress will probably be really beautiful.  Viviane Walter Will: Some kid from elementary school Willa William Yujin Yuta Zac Zoe Which names do you prefer?

Alice or Allana? Alice Allie or Andie? Andie Alexandra or Anastasia? Alexandra Anna or Angela? Anna Annie or Angelica? Angelica Ana or Ashna? Ana Audrey or Ashley? Audrey Ansel or Annika? Ansel Brooke or Britney? Brooke Berkeley or Bella? Bella Bo Chao or Beatrix? Beatrix Camille or Camryn? Camryn Cristina or Casilda? Cristina Chloe or Courtney? Courtney Charlotte or Carol? Charlotte Cleo or Chanel? Chanel Davin or Dillon? Dillon Delilah or Dutra? Delilah Erin or Elina? Erin Emin or Emerson? Emerson Emily or Emma? Emma Erika or Estelle? Estelle Faith or Frannie? Faith Fernanda or Francesca? Francesca Georgina or Gracie? Gracie Gabriela or Gina? Gina Hailey or Hannah? Hailey Hadley or Havana? Hadley Indra or Isabel? Isabel Indiana or Ivy? Indiana Jenny or Jessie? Jessie Julia or Joyce? Joyce Jasmine or Jackie? Jasmine Jamie or Jennifer? Jamie Kimia or Karina? Karina Katerina or Kate? Kate Kira or Kristie? Kira Lia or Lily? Lia Lauren or Lynette? Lauren Liberty or Leila? Liberty Margaret or Martha? Martha Michelle or Mackenzie? Michelle Mia or Michaela? Mia Morgan or Maddie? Morgan Maya or Mayuri? Maya Megan or Makena? Makena McKinley or Margo? Margo Nikki or Natalie? Natalie Nadia or Nancy? Nancy Nicole or Olivia? Olivia Rachel or Rebecca? Rachel Remi or Rosie? Remi Ruby or Reine? Ruby Ren or Sakura? Sakura Sapna or Snigdha? Sapna Sally or Stella? Sally Sophie or Sydney? Sophie Sophia or Solana? Sophia Skye or Sierra? Sierra Serena or Savanah? Savannah Sarah or Sabrina? Sabrina Tara or Taylor? Tara Vittoria or Yahs? Vittoria Yoonju or Yukine? Yukine Aidan or Austin? Austin Alan or Andrew? Alan Aldo or Alexx? Alexx Ben or Brian? Ben Billy or Brodie? Brodie Corey or Carlos? Carlos Coleman or Connor? Connor David or Dylan? David Eli or Eric? Eric Franz or Fernando? Franz Gabe or Graham? Gabe Holden or Hudson? Hudson Jacob or Justin? Justin Jack or JP? Jack Jimmy or Jared? Jared James or John? John Karm or Kian? Kian Lou or Lenny? Lenny Michael or Mickey? Michael Nick or Nathan? Nick Peter or Pierson? Peter Rai or Rafael? Rafael Sanjay or Supawat? Sanjay Will or Wynn? Will Zachary or Zack? Zack

[bookblogbake]

The annual end-of-the-year survey is hosted by Jamie at The Perpetual Page-Turner. I’m so glad she puts the work into making this every year because it’s always a highlight to look back over my reading and blogging for the past year!

**2018 READING STATS**

Number Of Books You Read: 94 Number of Re-Reads: One. Wow. I thought it was more than that, but apparently not. My one re-read was THE GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO VICE AND VIRTUE, which I re-read twice. Genre You Read The Most From: YA contemporary. That wouldn’t be surprising normally, but especially considering I judged round 1 of the YA Fiction category this year for Cybils.

1. Best Book You Read In 2018?

Overall favorite 2018 release: Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake

Best middle grade: Ivy Aberdeen’s Letter to the World by Ashley Herring Blake (. . . sensing a pattern here?)

Best adult fiction: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

Best Comic/Graphic Novel: Check Please! Book 1: Hockey

Best Middle Grade

Best adult fiction

Best 2018 Book Overall

2. Book You Were Excited About & Thought You Were Going To Love More But Didn’t?

Allegedly by Tiffany Jackson. To be fair, this came out in 2017, and I read Jackson’s 2018 release, Monday’s Not Coming, first. Allegedly was a let down though because I loved Monday’s Not Coming so much, and Allegedly didn’t quite stack up for me.

3. Most surprising (in a good way or bad way) book you read?

Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram. Based on the summary, it didn’t look like my typical kind of book, but I thought it was beautifully written and I loved it. A rare five star read for me.

4. Book You “Pushed” The Most People To Read (And They Did)?

Sadie by Courtney Summers. I tend to push Courtney Summers books anyway but Sadie seems to be an easy sell (and for good reason–it’s FANTASTIC).

5. Best series you started in 2018? Best Sequel of 2018? Best Series Ender of 2018?

Best series started-Check Please!

Best sequel/companion – Beneath the Sugar Sky by Seanan McGuire

Best series ender– The Way I Finally Won by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley

6. Favorite new author you discovered in 2018?

Well, considering she wrote my overall favorite book AND my favorite middle grade of the year, it’s safe to say that’s Ashley Herring Blake.

7. Best book from a genre you don’t typically read/was out of your comfort zone?

Blood Water Paint by Joy McCullough. I don’t typically like novels in verse, but this was FANTASTIC and fierce and moving and emotional and ugh, I loved it.

8. Most action-packed/thrilling/unputdownable book of the year?

I stayed up waaaaay into the night to finish Monday’s Not Coming.

9. Book You Read In 2018 That You Would Be MOST Likely To Re-Read Next Year?

Well I always like to start a new year by re-reading my favorite book of the previous year (that’s why The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue was my one re-read of the year), so clearly that would be made Girl Made of Stars. But just so I don’t answer this book for every single question, I’ll also mention I’m very likely to re-read The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.

10. Favorite cover of a book you read in 2018?

I’m sure some people would find this one off-putting because of the bright yellow, but I love the cover of Pulp by Robin Talley and how vintage it looks!

11. Most memorable character of 2018?

I have to go with Sadie from well, Sadie. I just found her fascinating.

12. Most beautifully written book read in 2018?

Oh man, this one is hard. I think I have to go with Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram.

13. Most Thought-Provoking/ Life-Changing Book of 2018?

Ghost Boys by Jewel Parker Rhodes

14. Book you can’t believe you waited UNTIL 2018 to finally read?

The Paying Guests by Sarah Waters. I only read one Sarah Waters book this year, but more will definitely come in 2019 because this book was excellent.

15. Favorite Passage/Quote From A Book You Read In 2018?

Even girls made of stars are captives, bound at the wrists and traded like property. Even girls made of stars aren’t asked, aren’t believed, aren’t considered worth the effort unless they can offer something in return. Even girls made of stars buy into those lies sometimes.

Yes, it’s from Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake, aka the book that has been my response to at least 50% of these questions.

16.Shortest & Longest Book You Read In 2018?

longest– Green River, Running Red by Ann Rule

shortest- The Tea Dragon Society by Katie O’Neill

17. Book That Shocked You The Most

I think it’d have to be I Stop Somewhere by TE Carter (a completely underrated book, by the way)

18. OTP OF THE YEAR (you will go down with this ship!)

(OTP = one true pairing if you aren’t familiar)

Jack/Bitty from Check Please!

And then, not quite OTP status but romantic relationships I rooted for in books this year: Alice/Takumi from Let’s Talk About Love and and Steffi/Rhys from A Quiet Kind of Thunder.

19. Favorite Non-Romantic Relationship Of The Year

I really loved the relationship between Clara and her dad in The Way You Make Me Feel by Maurene Goo.

20. Favorite Book You Read in 2018 From An Author You’ve Read Previously

I have a couple: Beneath the Sugar Sky by Seanan McGuire, Ghost Boys by Jewel Parker Rhodes, The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, and Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli.

Best adult fiction

21. Best Book You Read In 2018 That You Read Based SOLELY On A Recommendation From Somebody Else/Peer Pressure/Bookstagram, Etc.:

Well, I would have never read it for it not been for Cybils judging, so I’m going with Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram.

22. Newest fictional crush from a book you read in 2018?

Don’t have any! Maybe if I had read more adult romance. . .

23. Best 2018 debut you read?

I’m going with Blood Water Paint by Joy McCullough for this, but just know Darius the Great Is Not Okay by Adib Khorram was a very close second.

24. Best Worldbuilding/Most Vivid Setting You Read This Year?

I’m going to say the old-school Hollywood glam setting in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo was very vivid.

25. Book That Put A Smile On Your Face/Was The Most FUN To Read?

So for me I think graphic novels really took the cake here this year. Yes, Check Please! which I’ve mentioned several times, but also The Tea Dragon’s Society by Katie O’Neill and Moonstruck volume 1 by Grace Ellis.

26. Book That Made You Cry Or Nearly Cry in 2018?

I have two, both of which have featured heavily on this survey so far, not surprisingly! Those are Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake and Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram.

27. Hidden Gem Of The Year?

Okay, since I don’t want to say Girl Made of Stars yet again, I’ll have to go with. . . Ivy Aberdeen’s Letter to the World. Yes, by the same author as Girl Made of Stars. I had favorites this year, y’all.

28. Book That Crushed Your Soul?

Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram. I know, I know, it appears once again!

29. Most Unique Book You Read In 2018?

All of This is True by Lygia Day Penaflor. I did not necessarily enjoy it, but I can say it was very unique.

30. Book That Made You The Most Mad (doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t like it)?

Okay, so first I was going to say The Perfect Sister by Jessica Knoll, which I did NOT enjoy one bit, but then I thought about it, and. . . The Universe is Expanding and So Am I by Carolyn Mackler. I’m particularly mad about that one because parts of the books are good, but I find the entire premise flaw and really upsetting. Also, it deals with a sister coming to terms with the fact that her brother committed a rape, and it’s hard when my favorite book of the year had a similar premise and dealt with it SO MUCH BETTER.

1. New favorite book blog/Bookstagram/Youtube channel you discovered in 2018?

I’m ashamed to say that going back over my subscriptions, none of them were new this year.

2. Favorite post you wrote in 2018?

I mostly wrote reviews (and I really want to get back into doing discussions and other features!), but I’m really proud of my review for Blood Water Paint.

3. Favorite bookish related photo you took in 2018:?

Again, something else I didn’t do very much of this year!

4. Best bookish event that you participated in (author signings, festivals, virtual events, etc.)?

I didn’t really get to participate in any bookish events this year, but hopefully 2019 will change that!

5. Best moment of bookish/blogging life in 2018?

I have to say being a round 1 Cybils judge! It was a lot of work and reading, but it was such a worthwhile endeavor.

6. Most challenging thing about blogging or your reading life this year?

Just finding time! I haven’t been nearly as active as I wanted because I graduated grad school, which I THOUGHT would give me more time, but then I moved from one end of Texas to another, started a new job, got settled in, etc. It’s just been a LOT.

7. Most Popular Post This Year On Your Blog (whether it be by comments or views)?

Well, my most popular post was from a few years ago: What do Do with Books You Don’t Want Anymore. My most popular post actually written this year was my review of Girl Made of Stars, which is not surprising since I’ve basically been yelling about this book for months.

8. Post You Wished Got A Little More Love?

I posted one Saturday morning cup post this year, and I definitely wish that one had got more loved.

9. Best bookish discover (book related sites, book stores, etc.)?

Hmm, well, I got to visit The Strand in New York City for the first time so that was definitely a fun bookish discovery/adventure!

10. Did you complete any reading challenges or goals that you had set for yourself at the beginning of this year?

I didn’t really set any challenges or goals, and I’m glad because this year was busy enough without those!

1. One Book You Didn’t Get To In 2018 But Will Be Your Number 1 Priority in 2019?

The Book of Essie by Meghan MacLean Weir. Not because I’m super excited about it (I mean, I want to read it, but it’s not a book I was anticipating), but because it’s due back to the library in eight days.

2. Book You Are Most Anticipating For 2019 (non-debut)?

Well, considering two of her books were two of my favorites this year, I’m gonna have to say The Mighty Heart of Sunny St James by Ashley Herring Blake.

3. 2019 Debut You Are Most Anticipating?

I have two: I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver and These Witches Don’t Burn by Isabel Sterling.

4. Series Ending/A Sequel You Are Most Anticipating in 2019?

In A Wayward Dream by Seanan McGuire. I’ve loved every installment in the Wayward Children series, so I expect this to be no different (and perhaps one of my goals this year will to be re-read the series).

5. One Thing You Hope To Accomplish Or Do In Your Reading/Blogging Life In 2019?

Blog more! I’ve missed it.

6. A 2019 Release You’ve Already Read & Recommend To Everyone (if applicable):

I’ve only read an ARC of one 2019 release, but I do recommend it! I read We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia and was enthralled.

2018 End of the Year Survey! The annual end-of-the-year survey is hosted by Jamie at The Perpetual Page-Turner. I'm so glad she puts the work into making this every year because it's always a highlight to look back over my reading and blogging for the past year!

[for-the-love-of-life-lads]

Progress Report

No weight today.

I did pretty good, similar diet to yesterday. I drank less coffee and similar or less amounts of water than yesterday. My lunch was definitely less calories than yesterday just purely based on the fact that shrimp is less calories and more protein. 

I got my abs workout done as well, I think I might need to start increasing reps just because it seems to be getting easier than it was previously. However, I am seeing results when I look in the mirror which is encouraging. I went to get in a shower and started to see some definition in my tummy! That was a nice feeling.

(trigger warning suicide mentioning and explaining, just don’t read this please)

Feeling pretty low today. I just... I don’t even know. I guess I just wish I was dead a lot of the time. I feel like I’m always in trouble, I get in trouble even when I am trying to do the right thing. For example, I had missed a seminar for intro to college living that I needed to go to, and it was because I had to teach our class. So, I had gotten done with my calculus homework early and had decided that I should take a look at that seminar which was recorded and take some notes so that I would know what I need to do once some deadlines came up. My dad then asked what I was doing, and I explained what I was watching. He started yelling at me about how I needed to choose these specific dorms over the other, and kept asking which dorms had the least amount of freshmen. I told him that I wasn’t sure, that this seminar hadn’t said how the college students were split up, but that it was telling me some good information about the dorms in general. He then immediately started screaming about how I was dismissing him, and that I was ungrateful to him for his advice and that he had gotten me into this college in the first place. I hadn’t disagreed with him at all in the first place, I had actually been trying to take notes to see if they would tell me how many first years there would be in each dorm.  Second, I can’t believe he was taking credit for my acceptance to college (this is an ivy league school). I had maintained a 4.0 my ENTIRE high school career (without tutoring or help) was in all honors  classes my entire life, took algebra and geometry my freshmen year so that I could take AP calculus my senior year, filled out the applications and questions for over 20 different colleges, nailed the alumni interview with only my own notes, and maintained an excellent status in my sport for the past 8, soon to be 9, years. My dad hasn’t even SEEN an ivy league school, much less attended or had the right stuff to get there. He wasted his entire first thirty years of his life, and he is mad at me because I couldn’t immediately give him the exact statistics of the number of freshmen living in the dorms? And to top it all off, he then spent the rest of the day freezing me out and telling me what a disappointment I was to him, along with fighting with my mom to the point where it almost became physical because she couldn’t give him the statistics either (she had been watching over my shoulder. Why? Not clue.). So yeah, my entire day was ruined because apparently I am an ungrateful idiot that couldn’t make it into the Ivy League by herself. At leas according to my dad.

Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. No more setting alarms, no more 3-a day workouts, no more getting yelled at or being a disappointment, no more taking diacritics everyday to try and maintain weight loss. No more being alone, no more taking care of everyone else. Just rest. Just getting to be someone who could have been great. When people would hear about my death they would be like, “Oh Kate? That’s so sad. She was so talented. One of the best in her sports, she was going to an Ivy league school you know. Yeah, she was pretty smart. Real respectful kid too. Addressed everyone as ma’am and Sir, even when they were her age. What a shame.” I could just leave them to wonder what I could have been, leave them with hope. You know, there’s no way to be a failure if you’re not here. I’ve even thought about how I would do it. I’ve slowly been collecting my mom and dad’s sleeping pills for the last two or three years. I also have been collecting Tylenol. I know that taking too many sleeping pills can’t  necessarily kill you unless you had an ungodly amount. However, if you do have enough Tylenol you can go into kidney or liver failure, can’t remember off the top of my head. Then I would lay down on my back, that way if the Tylenol and the sleeping pills don’t work then I’ll choke on my own vomit from my body trying to force everything out. Hopefully, I’ll be too sedated to turn over to spit it out. I’ve also thought about silting my wrists and then downing all those sleeping pills so that I would be too heavily sedated to do anything about the blood loss. I could do it too, I close my bedroom door at night and I take super long showers so no one would notice for a while. I just don’t have anyone but my sister to hold on for you know? I literally don’t have any friends (we did online school from home and train by ourselves, and we aren’t allowed to leave the house and we don’t have any clubs or anything) I’ve never even had the chance to have a meaningful relationship that I care about. With everyone, I’ve always had to put on a front to uphold the reputation of our family (my dad gets self-conscious of what others think about us).

I do have one place in my head where I feel happy. I have different daydreams that I go to when my family is watching TV or when I go to sleep. The settings vary, but they all involve a guy named Nate, and we’re together. Mind you, Nate is not a real person or even based off a real person (more a culmination of all the crushes I had formed when I read books like PJO, HOO, and One of Us is Lying) . In the daydreams, Nate is kinda rebellious and just super confident. Something I could never be. He kinda breaks through my tough exterior just like I have in real life, and just becomes my friend at first. He actually wants to talk to me and cares about my opinion, he teases me in a playful way that most boys would be scared to tease me in, but doesn’t take it too far because he wouldn’t want to hurt me. I don’t originally want to tell him everything in my life or my head because I want to be a happy place for him, I don’t want him to worry about me because he’s always seemed to just care about me and has been one of the only people that has made me feel like I’m worth anything in this world. But eventually, he notice how I avoid topics in conversation, and that I won’t ever let myself cry in front of him, or anyone else for that matter, and how I model myself and idealize emotionless characters like Logan from Sanders Sides, Spock from Star Trek, and any robot that comes on the screen. On day or night I finally just breakdown, I can’t keep myself together so I try and get away and ask him just to leave me alone so that I can cry. But he doesn’t let me go, he just wraps his jacket around my shoulders and hugs me close to his body. He tells me that I don’t have to be alone anymore, that he just wants to be there for me. He doesn’t want me to hurt by myself anymore. That I don’t have to hide in locked bathrooms anymore.

I can’t help it, its the only time I’ve ever felt safe with anyone and its not even real. But I can almost feel the warmth of his hugs and him rubbing little circles on my back. Its almost painful to type (crying currently) because I am so scared all the time. I’m scared for my sister, my mom, about money, about grades, about being alone all my life, about never getting to actually be an independent person, scared of men, scared of commitment, scared of trusting (since I’ve seen how well that’s worked out for my mom and just living with a man for the last 18 years), I’m scared that I won’t ever be enough for anyone, I won’t ever be beautiful, or smart, or strong. I am so scared all the time, so just that feeling of safety he gives me is so sad because it’s not even real. and to be honest, I don’t know if it ever will be. I wish I could just die in my sleep because my last fleeting thoughts could be of Nate just holding me, telling me that I was safe. We could dance, we could be snuggling on the couch on a rainy day, or just laying in bed one Saturday morning laughing together. At least if I died,  my final feelings would be of safety and happiness that I’ve never had in my real life.

I’m not going to do it tonight, I have to get ready for my Calculus text tomorrow. I’m going to go for just an 8 hr sleep, maybe Nate and I could cuddle up with a movie. He can chose, I don’t really want to watch. I just want to lay against his chest for a while, forget about the stress and fear for a while.

Have a great night everyone.

[levi-inthesun]

Summer at Camp Duff

Part 4

Where Steve and Stella See Stars

A/N: Just some super soft Steve and lots of fluff.

Part 3 (2 of 2)

The next day you and Steve kept sharing little glances and secret touches. You felt like you were 13 again, except this time it was a boy and you weren’t supposed to have relationships with your co-counselors.

Today you guys were doing crafts, and everyone wanted to learn how to make friendship bracelets. You went around the table, showing the kids in groups of 2 or 3 how to tie the knots properly for the bracelets and how to make little designs in them. Much to your surprise, once you finished showing the kids, Steve slid up next to you with some string of his own and asked you to show him, too. Steve caught on quickly, and soon the two of you were making your own bracelets.

By lunchtime, the kids were all sporting the bracelets they had made, either by them or a friend who had given one to them. You smiled to yourself as you watched El and Max exchange their own, and saw that Will and Mike were wearing matching ones.

The camp week was more than halfway over, which filled you with a special kind of sadness. You had all grown so close, mostly thanks to the night before. You felt bad for the 3 girls who had gotten poison ivy, who felt a little left out, but you saw the other kids reach out to them. Especially Dustin, to Shannon. She was probably the girl Dustin was getting advice about the other day on the hike. Luckily, it looked like he wasn’t following Steve’s terrible advice and you silently cheered them on.

The kids had a free day, that day. They could go swimming, go on the ropes course, or just run around and do whatever. You and Steve were in charge of watching over the field. It had a few swings including a large rope swing, a nice section filled with wildflowers, and a few large wooden towers they could climb up in.

You were grateful that the kids attending the camp were generally very well behaved and got along. You had seen a lot of kids reach out to some of the other kids they didn’t know, and a lot of new friendships were formed.

You found a nice spot amongst the flowers and picked a good bunch. You had started weaving them together when Steve found you.

“Well hiya, Scout!” Steve sang as he sat down beside you. “Whatcha doing?”

“I am making flower crowns.” You said as you finished connecting the one you were making. “Here!” You tossed the one you had just finished making on his head.

Steve fixed it, making sure his hair still looked good, only seeming pleased when you affirmed that it did.

“Show me?” he asked as he picked some flowers.

You taught him how to make flower crowns, and after you had finished a few, Steve proudly presented the one he finally finished.

“For you m’lady!” You rolled your eyes, but let him place the crown on your head. He adjusted it, then began placing flowers in your long pigtail braids as he talked.

“These flowers really accentuate…. Uh… just how pretty you are,” he said quietly.

“Oh” you felt your face flush, “you think I am pretty, huh?” You tried to play it cool, but knew it wasn’t working.

Steve placed the last flower in the braid closest to him.

“Yup,” he said, popping the p for effect. “Actually, I think you’re beautiful.” He confessed, smiling widely at you as your face started to turn the same color as your hair, giving him the confidence to keep going. “I also love your freckles. They are so cute and one day I hope I can connect them all.”

You chewed on your lip nervously. You weren’t used to getting attention like this, plus you were incredibly insecure about your dotted appearance.

Steve was going to keep pointing out all the things he liked about you when a bunch of girls came up and started making crowns with you and Steve. They would giggle up at Steve anytime he would say anything, and once you told them he made the flower crown you were wearing you could see the little crushes they had on the handsome counselor grow.

Boy, you thought, if only they knew. You smiled to yourself and found yourself looking over at him, who now had his hair covered in different flowers, thanks to the group of girls.

Once they were all sporting crowns they made, they ran off giggling amongst themselves. After they left, your entire group had found you, and you placed a flower crown that you had made for each of them on their heads. Even the boys loved it. It probably helped that Steve was practically covered in flowers, head to toe now. One of the girls had made him a flower necklace, and he had a few flowers sticking out of his shirt pocket, in his belt loops, sticking out of his socks, and woven into his laces. Needless to say, Steve was loving it. And you were loving seeing Steve like so... soft.

Soon, the boys of the group decided you needed to match Steve and had started covering you in flowers too, even making a matching flower necklace for you to wear.

By the time the dinner bell rang, every single one of the kids of team Hair-iams was covered in flowers.

A few boys made fun of the boys in your group, but Steve quickly shut it down telling them how cool it was to like flowers and that just because they didn’t like it, it didn’t mean they had to squash out the fun the flower wearing crew was having.

You all laughed through dinner, each of the kids taking turns telling jokes, going around the table. It was your turn and you realized that you didn’t remember very many jokes.

“Okay guys here is one of the only jokes I know.” You cleared your throat and glanced at all the kids, who were waiting patiently. “Alright. What did the Ocean say the Beach as it passed by?” you looked at every single kid, giving a nice long pause for effect.

“Nothing, it just waved!” you emphasized, wiggling your eyebrows at them all for dramatic effect. Steve chuckled at you, as did some of the other kids. “Aw come on. It wasn’t that bad!!!”

“Uh, Scout, yeah it was,” Dustin said cringing a little bit.

“Whatever,” you said rolling your eyes.

After dinner, you all made your way back to your cabins and put on sweaters. Tonight you were going on a short hike and stargazing. This was one of your favorite activities of the week, so you were very excited.

During the hike, Steve decided it would be fun to sing songs, except it wasn’t camp songs, it was Africa by Toto, and everyone was belting out with him. Apparently, there wasn’t anyone alive who didn’t like that song.

Once Steve realized you were the only one not singing along, he got dramatic and started singing at you.

“It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you! Come on Scout! SING! There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do!!!!! PLEEEAAASSSEEEEE!”

You just laughed, but then joined in, harmonizing with the group.

“I bless the rains down in Africa Gonna take some time to do the things we never had!!!!!!!”

Everyone sang the chorus again after Steve demanded it since you had finally graced the group with your voice.

You guys sang bits of few more songs, such as ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ guitar parts included, ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’, ‘Heroes’, and ‘Sunglasses At Night’.

By the time you guys finished singing ‘Sunglasses At Night’ you had made it to the clearing, and everyone found spots to lay down on the blankets you guys had hauled up. You passed out little star charts so that if they wanted to, they could find the different constellations. Much to Steve’s disappointment, there was only enough for the kids with how they had spread out.

“Steve” you called over to him, patting the blanket you were on “I know the constellations, I can show you if you want?”

Steve didn’t need to think twice about it. He perked up at your offer and was immediately by your side.

You both laid down, a little closer than you would have normally, but you didn’t mind. You enjoyed being close to Steve.

Steve ended up shuffling his body closer to you as you pointed out and whispered the names of the different constellations.

Steve turned to you and whispered in your ear, “How do you know all of these?”

You turned to face him and tried not to react when you realized how close your faces were. “I uh, I’ve been doing this for a few years, plus I have always loved the stars.” You turned back to look at the sky. “It’s fitting that my name literally translates to ‘star’.”

You felt Steve shift so that he was now on his side, facing you, instead of the sky.

“Ah, that is very fitting,” Steve whispered, even quieter than he had been. You concentrated on the stars and kept talking about them, and he was content to look at you, and listen to you talk about something you loved.

“So anyway, that’s why I think I want to major in Astronomy. My parents think it’s a waste of time, and that it would be better for me to just get married and have a family instead of going to college, but I just don’t think that’s in the cards for me. I never really have.” You thought for a moment before finally giving in and turning on your side, resting your head on your arm, facing Steve.

“I think I could. I mean, it’s something I would like to have eventually. I just… I want more, you know? I want a real chance to live my own life according to my own rules, instead of my parents. It’s funny, you know, because my parents weren’t ever there for me, yet they were incredibly strict and hard on me. It’s like, they didn’t want to accept that their absence from my life was sucky, but they were also overcompensating with the rules and everything.  I think it made them feel like they were good parents.”

You realized you had been talking for a while, and apologized, but Steve just brushed it off.

“I enjoy listening to you talk. Especially about things you are passionate about. Um, but I totally know what you mean about your parents. Mine are the same way.”  He hadn’t realized it before, but when you turned to face him, your faces were just inches apart. His breath caught in his throat as he looked into your eyes.

You could feel the shift in the air around the two of you. Your heart was pounding and wow, you really wanted to kiss Steve, but old habits die hard. Instead, you turned back onto your back and pointed out a new constellation. Steve followed suit and his hand landed right next to yours. You felt your cheeks blush, grateful it was dark out. Steve brushed your hand slightly waiting to see if you would pull your hand away. When you didn’t, he slowly and carefully weaved his fingers with yours. 

You turned your head to face him and saw a ridiculous smile plastered to his face, and you realized yours was probably the same. You gave his hand a slight squeeze and watched as his eyes softened at the gesture. You were only pulled away when you heard someone clear their voice.

“Uh yes. Oh hi, El what’s going on is everything okay?” you spouted nervously.

“Yes.. sorry. Um, some of us are just getting really tired.” El shyly stated.

You stood up quickly, helping Steve up, and gathered everyone together to head back to the cabins.

Once all of the kids were tucked into their sleeping bags, you sat at one of the picnic tables and began unweaving all of the flowers from your hair in the moonlight.

“Can I help?” You turned around quickly, startled, “I mean, it is my fault  your hair is literally drowning in flowers.”

You nodded, and Steve sat next to you, straddling the bench and began taking flowers out of your hair.

“I had a lot of fun with you today Stella,” Steve said, his low voice husky from overuse.

“I did too” you agreed, chewing on your lip as the last of the flowers were extracted from your braids. You took the hair ties out, and ran your fingers through your hair, a few pieces of grass and stems falling out.

You turned towards Steve, tucking one of your legs up on the bench. “It was really nice,” you replied softly.

Steve smiled slightly, and rubbed the back of his neck, “I uh, feel like I may have scared you off earlier. So I figured I’d put the offer on the table,” he said, turning to face you. “I would really like to kiss you.” 

You took in a deep breath as you felt your heart stutter in your chest again. You looked over his face and saw that softness return. Steve was far enough away to be respectful, but still close enough to the point where you could smell him. How in the world did someone still smell good after a long day of camp? You’d have to ask what deodorant he used some other time. You suddenly felt overwhelmed, remembering how vulnerable and gentle he had been with you and you began to feel butterflies gather in your belly as you realized just how badly you wanted to kiss him.

Steve was beginning to stand up but stopped when you grabbed his hand.

“Steve?” you said quietly, looking up at him. He looked down and thought he would melt right then and there. “Would you? Kiss me, I mean.” 

Steve sat back down much closer to you this time. “I was beginning to think you’d never ask.

He quickly closed the gap between you and you felt yourself melt into him the second his lips met yours, moving softly against each other. One of your hands landed on his chest, gently gripping his camp shirt while the other wrapped around his neck. Steve’s hand threaded into your soft hair, the other gently resting on your thigh. 

When you finally pulled away, it was only enough for you to rest your forehead on his, and you smiled, eyes still closed.

You could definitely get used to this.

Part 5

[iheartarrow]

Random Arrow thoughts

Ok, I'm freaking out a little bit... Someone, pinch me... IS THIS REAL?! This episode of Arrow came straight out of fanfiction. It is too good to be true... yet it is... true... I am overwhelmed and befuddled and feel like a lost puppy right now. Because in this season (especially in 6x03 and6x04), Arrow is apparently, granting wishes and many fantasies of mine have become canon.  No one has ever preparedme for this, this is why I'm freaking out, cuz what's next?!...

I know that the other shoe is gonna drop soon enough, and this bliss cannot last forever, that's just the way TVland works, and also, it's Arrow, our heroes can never be absolutely happy for too long, there has to be conflict to further the story along. And the formula is simple - the happier it is in the beginning, the worse it's gonna be later (before it gets better again). So I do know I have to prepare myself for the shit that's about to hit Olicity in a few episodes, probably after the crossover.

Anyhow, going back to 6x04, here are some of my thoughts during this episode..

- It should have been named "Let's get it on..." instead, LOL. How many times did they try to have desert and were interrupted?! Blue balls won't look good on Oliver, Arrow, have mercy!

- The episode opened with a "date", or more like a hookup, BS style. I gotta say, I liked the wig. Blonde Laurel looks like a bitch, brunette Laurel looks wickedly nefarious. I liked that, but why did she need a wig at all, this puzzled me? Or does she think, she looks more attractive to men with dark hair?! What was the purpose of that wig? Not to be recognized?! Well, then she kills people left and right with blond hair, so that's not it, right?!... Oh, I get it... KC wore the wig for the element of surprise, so the fanboys would guess her by her back and pee their pants happy that their beloved BS is back (or should I say, KC is back, cuz their fascination with her, that I will never understand, has become like a cult following). Anyways, this is done for one purpose alone. BS always likes to make a scene with her entrance (yes, she's a bit of an attention whore, didn't you know?!), this time they figured a wig will do the job for her as a "surprise" element. Whatever...

Arrow is already being redundant with BS, considering she's not even close to being the main villain, has no agency of her own and is just another mercenary for hire. As the guys from Slander Ent. pointed out, she's a glorified lackey. Arrow hyped KC's return to Arrow as a villain, so much, but the pay off doesn't match the hype so far. BS's storyline resembles that of LL already. Either give her some interesting storyline, or get rid of her like you did with Laurel. I liked BS at first, but the more I watch her (and as often as I watch her), the more she starts to suck, because there's no moving forward with her story, she becomes a stale character, just like LL had become, before they had to kill her off. Though, in this episode she didn't suck that much, and her fighting improved (though it was Katie's double who gets the credit, the fight scenes were so darkened out, so you cannot tell the double and the actual actor apart, but it was still too obvious Arrow, you cannot fool me). I feel like I have to make my peace with BS the way she is and not expect her to progress. She's here as an eye candy for the fanboys, a consolation prize anyways. But as she still is a  small part of Arrow's overall story, I would expect the show to have learnt their mistakes with Laurel (and KC) from the first time around, and not repeat them with BS.

- Oliver and Felicity's date... I think now I know why Felicity calls BS "evil Laurel", because of her timing.  Girl, couldn't you murder that poor sap some other time? William picked out the tie and wanted to go to dinner with Felicity, too... Awww, that's so adorable. And yep, the  mini-Oliver totally has a crush on his father's girl. I love the relationship Arrow is building between the three  of them! Oliver remembering that it's been three years since they had their first date... Squeee!!! "Don't jinx it!" LOL.

You know, I like that Oliver is still a bit nervous on their date. It's a good kind of nervous. He talks about not  having been ready for their relationship then, not like he is now. This tells me that he knows, and knew back then  too, that this is it, Felicity is "it" - the love of his life. So yeah, he is nervous in a "anticipating something  wonderful in your life"-kind of way. Plus, that gorgeous woman is in front of him being all adorable and super  sexy. But the status of their relationship is still unconfirmed. He looks at her for answer when the lady asks if  they are back together. And Felicity got "the hint", called herself the mayor's girlfriend. It's for us to hear and  for the Olicity haters. They are back together, so stop asking the stupid question, m'kay?! Get over it! There's also calmness to Oliver that I love. He's matured, more grounded. I cannot believe how much he's grown as a  person. Adrian Chase was one heck of a therapist, LOL.

That nice lady was us, for sure. While she was fangirling over Olicity, I thought it would be funny if the news  came out that Mayor Handsome and Miss Felicity Smoak are back together, with a poll attached to it, vote yes or no.  LOL Star City ships Olicity. Also, why isn't there a man patting Oliver's shoulder and whispering "Good job on  getting your girl back, son!"?!

- Oliver understanding how it was for Felicity when he had to bail on her and was "dangling maybies"... Now you  know Oliver. It sucked! And I think he felt kind of alone and bored and useless, while his woman was neck deep in  Arrow business and he just had to let her go, do her stuff. I think that is what got to Oliver the most - not being  able to be a part of the thing that brought them together in the first place. That's how they met, how they've  gotten closer and fell in love - because of Arrow business. And Oliver not only renounced that part of himself, he  also renounced the part that allowed them to connect and was the major part of their relationship, it's basis. In  S4 we saw how Felicity was struggling to live a "normal" life without Arrow business. She missed that part of her  life, that's why they returned to Star City and stayed. Now it's Oliver's turn to be sidelined. He liked living in  Ivy Town (on the surface), but after last year's crossover, Oliver realized that his life could be happy without  being the Green Arrow, but it will never be full. This season he had to give up the hood again. Except now it's not  because he wanted to, it was a sacrifice for the sake of his son. 6x04 showed how much Oliver actually misses being  the GA, the action and being usefull, already!

Now, putting a mask on and chasing Felicity in the club, or helping Slade-cockblocker-Wilson... how is it different  than being an active member of the team?! I don't get the logic of this. If you're out, you're out, Oliver. No  exceptions. He could as well get killed on the mission with Slade, then little William will be the one saying "told  you so!". Agrhhh...

- Those kisses... I love those smooches. Felicity, please kiss Oliver more like that! It's super adorable!

- I don't trust Alena. At all. Even after she was shot and was all cozy and friendly with Felicity, I still don't  trust the girl. Look, she is responsible for an Argus agent being horribly murdered. And her reaction to that death  was telling not nice things about the kind of person she is... Plus, she represents Felicity's past life, a rather  dark past. I don't want a constant reminder of that on the show, in small doses Alena is ok, but not as a permanent  fixture. Plus, this whole "breaking internet" thing was a set up by Cayden James, so it's obvious that either he  gave Alena that shiner and told her to get Felicity involved, or he knew that if Alena smells trouble, she'd go to  Felicity for help. And either way, she's a pawn in his game. I feel like if Alena isn't working for Cayden, and she  actually is clean, she's still a redundant character, because she doesn't bring to the show any new skill or  ability that isn't already an atribute of another character. So why keep her then?! "I thought you wanted to change the world, and look where you ended up..." I loved this burn! Why did Felicity  apologize for telling the truth?! Also, this line reminded me of when paralyzed Felicity was hallucinating Goth  Felicity. Goth Felicity said the exact same thing to her "you wanted to change the world, look where it got you..."  This Alena character reminds me of that Goth Felicity, but not in a good way. I really hope she won't drag Felicity  back to old hacktivist habits.

- Why doesn't KC wear her hair up in a ponytail more?! It actually looked nice, certainly nicer than her usual hair  down over one shoulder. She calls herself "Dinah", so why does the team insist on calling her "evil Laurel"?! Call  her evil Dinah then, she's here as a counterpart of the new BC anyhow, not of dead Laurel. This show has too many  Dinahs with same abilities, it's ridiculous, Arrow!

- Felicity spent more than half of the episode in that gorgeous red dress. She looked so out of place in it in that  club, and I loved it. It was very funny.

- Felicity should have asked for a backup while going to the club. Or at least telling her team where she's at. It  was irresponsible. And later at Helix, almost got herself and Alena killed. Granted, she couldn't have known that  it would be so dangerous, but still, she's going after someone who plans on killing hundreds of millions of ppl,  gotta think smarter, girl. I get why she would feel guilty. Not only she let out Cayden James, but after Havenrock,  if CJ manages to kill so many people, she would feel that it's on her, too.

- I loved Oliver's pep talk. Last episode it was with Diggle, now with Felicity. They both helped Oliver to become  the GA. And all that effort is now for nothing, eh Oliver?! Where the hell did Felicity get the idea that Oliver  was doing it all by himself?! He never did, well... he tried, but he never succeeded. He was killing ppl, until you  and John set him straight (and Tommy's death, too), he was a crappy brother most of the time, super crappy CEO,  failed as a boyfriend and a fiance, etc... So let's not pretend that Oliver wasn't a screw up just cuz he got his  act together this season, okay Arrow?!

- Helix Dynamics... Nope, not liking it. I got an immediate recall of Fringe's Massive Dynamics,tbh. Plus the name  Helix is rooted in Felicity's old life. Also, the name sounds rather ominous, like Kord Industries, where they make  all kinds of dangerous stuff that bad guys later steal. I hope Felicity will rename the company, it doesn't roll  off the tongue right.

- Michael freaking Emerson is amazing!!! I certainly got an evil Finch vibe from Cayden James. God, he's a cold  motherfucker. I do not believe that he "changed" because of Argus keeping him locked in a shipping container. Argus  locked him up for a reason, I wanna know what that reason is. He must have done something very very bad to earn  such treatment. Lyla isn't Amanda Waller. I would love for papa Smoak to come back and have a hack off paired with  Felicity vs CJ. It would be awesome. Also, I had an idea that Felicity will probably go to jail for hacking the  vault's firewall (and probably, other crimes too), and Noah might take the fall and go to jail instead of her. It's  the only way I see to redeem an absentee father like Noah.

Or Felicity will have to hide and lead a reclusive life until she figures out a way to clear her name with the FBI.  Or she's gonna be recruited by the FBI. Either way, it would be interesting storyline and I wonder how it will  affect her relationship with Oliver. I have a feeling Arrow might do something similar to what Smallville did with  Chloe's character - her leaving the team and just disappearing. Felicity might be forced to do the same. And it  won't be Arrow breaking Olicity up, just separating them for a while. Cuz it's Arrow and they can't let Olicity be  happy on the background all the time...

If we are correct, then Olicity is gonna get married in the LOT crossover episode. If so, then won't marital  privilege kick in then?! Oliver cannot testify against his wife, nor she against him...

- I really hate it when a side character is pointing out an obvious thing that all the fans have figured out long  ago, yet the main character haven't got a clue about... I'm talking about Alena pointing out that Felicity should  use her chip as an idea for helping people and get her company started. We've been cultivating this idea for 1.5  years, come on, Felicity...

- WTF is Arclight?! Damien's dome was called an Arc, right?! Maybe CJ was working for DD back then when the Arc was  being built, and that's why Argus locked him up?! "Arclight" does sound like a cult thing, LOL. And Darkh's zombie  population did look like cult followers...

- Loved all the grunting while Oliver dropped on the couch with hands full of Felicity!!! And the ass grabbing, and  her hand sliding to his front... This new time slot is paying off bit by bit. Slade cockblocking them was not cool,  Arrow!

- Did anyone else have a thought that Diggle's drugs might be provided by Cayden as well? He set up a trap for  Felicity in today's episode, Diggle will probably become addicted to that drug, and will be off the team as well.  Could be, Cayden will be picking all the team members one by one?

- The only thing, missing from this episode, was the repeat of the glorious line "It feels really good having you  inside me...". It was such a right episode with a perfectly set up circumstances to bring that line back. Arrow,  how could you miss this opportunity to remind us of such perfect comedic Olicity moment?

- Loved Oliver on the comms. He looked absolutely out of place behind Felicity's computers, but that was the point,  and I loved it. The learning curve and the funny Oliver, loved every second of that scene.

This was a very good, solid episode. The reversal worked perfectly. One of my favorites of all Arrow episodes!!  This season is gonna be so AWESOME!!!

@almondblossomme @hope-for-olicity @tdgal1 @taurusclh @geneshaven @eilowyn1 @felicitys @nalla-madness @coal000