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inavagrant-a · 2 years ago

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Tetsuya wasn't expecting any sort of response from her since, after all, what she said wasn't wrong and he is aware of that fact. No matter what she says she'll be missing pieces, all she can do is judge based on what little she's been told and on what she sees, which in the grand picture it really doesn't count for much. Though perhaps it is enough for now to satisfy the emptiness she mentioned earlier, at least for now. So, to say that he's surprised when she responds to him is an understatement. To hear that the intention wasn't for him to have a heart comes as no surprise to him, he is sore for one after all, that should be a given at this point, but it is her following question which she presents to him that does leave him slightly without words to say to her. She speaks about manners of perspective something that, coincidentally, Kusanali has also mentioned to him in the past. Tetsuya remains uncharacteristically quiet, attentive to her every word. What his mother does is add substance behind the question she presents to him, as if guiding him towards the answer to it, but not precisely choosing nor providing the answer for him. In the end the yes or the no to it being up to him, after all. So... there wouldn't be a him at all, is what he's coming to understand and something that she took into consideration as well. But, even then...

Hearing her say the word mistake stings, but it doesn't intensify from that, it's just a little sting, as he still keeps his peace and listens to her... perspective of things all of those years back. He'll never be able to verify if this is truly how she felt because her memories of him aren't intact, but, he can see her digging, she digs deep, and in his silence he appreciates it. As he mentioned before, how should he know how she feels and how should she know how he feels. She is she and he is he. It is clear as day that her perspective wasn't one he's ever come to consider, it isn't one he thought of aside from the staple one: that she got rid of him because he was a disappointment, because he wasn't good enough. And though, perhaps, there is some truth in that, that he wasn't what she was hoping he'd be, her reasons for doing what she did entirely catch him off the field. She didn't want to control something that clearly showed her had a will of its own, something that could grow up, something that could learn, unlearn, think for itself, he wasn't empty or hollow, she didn't make a doll even if perhaps the materials she used were for that intent. She brought forth a being who had the potential to become a life of its own.

Tetsuya hesitates at first when she presents him with the question she initially presented him with. If he would have liked that she did that, that she took control of him and if it came to it potentially erase him of himself in the future to make him empty if there was a conflict of ideals. The answer to that is a clear no, of course not, he doesn't like being empty. Tetsuya doesn't like being hollow... hell, he even took the weight of his past life back just to feel like he owned something, so that it could fill the huge hollow gaps inside him. But even then, when it is clear to him that he wouldn't liked that, Tetsuya hesitates. He lowers his head slightly, furrowing his brows and staring at the floor in contemplation. Why does he hesitate when he knows the answer to that question is: no, I wouldn't have wanted that for me. His injured palm, tainted with his dried up blood, injury having healed a while ago now, instinctively and mindlessly moves back towards the feather stained with his blood to hold it gently as he searches for that answer. Of why he hesitates. It has to do with how he feels, how he can feel in such a raw way, he knows it has to do with that. It has to do with the fact that he doesn't see her as his creator first, he sees her as his mother first, creator second. "You couldn't have..." he feels some semblance of an answer at the tip of his tongue. "You couldn't have kept me by your side?" He asks, now looking back at her with less conflict. That's why he hesitates, because to him, in his head she is his mother first, she is his creator second, but mother first and foremost.

Aren't mothers supposed to do what they can to protect and keep their children safe? He's seen many mothers in his time. Good mothers, bad mothers, mothers who didn't want to be mothers, mothers who hated their children, mothers who loved their children to bits, mothers who would flip the world upside its head if it meant their children would be happy. If he had to put her in a box... what kind of mother would she had been to him, he wonders. Did it not hurt her when she let him go? He understands her logic and he hears it, he does, back then she probably didn't even perceive him as such a thing; a son, her son. He was an it to her, not a him, her creation, but an emotionally delusional part of him grasps on straws here still. He knows he won't get his answer, her memories aren't as they used to so he won't get them and yet still he asks, his composure being tested though not because of rage this time, no... it's some sort of sadness, an anguish and it makes his grip on the feather tighter. If he had a heart in his chest, he'd be holding it like his life depended on it because of the ache he's suddenly feeling. "You couldn't have just... kept me by your side?" His question almost sounds like a broken plea. "I... I suffered a lot you know? Since you left me..." She probably does, but he wants her to hear it, he needs her to hear it. "When you left me you probably weren't counting on me to wake up, but I did. I-I don't know why but I woke up. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know anything!" His voice progressively getting louder, but not out of ire, but because this hurt that he's suddenly feeling a rise of... he has to let it out or it's going to overwhelm him. "I had to learn so many things through experience alone and it wasn't easy for me!" There were people who took advantage of him, people who avoided him, people who manipulated him due to his ignorance, people he'd mindlessly follow along because they gave him some sense of being, they gave him a purpose, but...

He pauses for a moment, feeling his eyes sting, this being a tell-tale sign that he's about to cry and he doesn't want to cry. He doesn't want to cry anymore, he's done enough of that. He doesn't want to cry in front of her. "But," he sniffs, lowering his gaze after he's felt he's calmed down enough, "I also met good people," his family in Tatarasuna. "They tried to help me, they taught me how to behave, how to act, what was appropriate and what wasn't. They... showed me what it was like to be part of a family." How it was to live with one, learn from one, be loved by one. "But, that was a long time ago." They all got ripped away from him, something that fills him with rage and though he begged to get her help, never once properly getting an audience with her, the ones still at fault for what happened in Tatarasuna are the Fatui and that he will never forgive. Where is he going with this exactly? What is he trying to prove? To show? She's acknowledged him as his own self many years ago now, even before he was aware of such a thing, so it isn't that. He sighs. "Maybe things would have been different... if you had let me stay with you." Ah, so that's it.

Maybe things wouldn't have gone how they did in Tatarasuna if he was with her, maybe he wouldn't have had such a bad hand by fate if she kept him, perhaps... he would have turned out different if she made the decision to keep him with her. It's the if of it, the if that has him talking about this. And it is that if that makes him shed a couple of tears without his consent. His gaze still downcast, now he can definitely not get himself to look at her properly, not until he's calm again, his tears falling to the ground of this slumbering sanctuary of bygone memories for them both. Tetsuya sniffs, remaining silent the entire time she speaks and only taking a shy glance at her just in time to see her smile which only makes something in his chest jolt, his eyes held completely captive by that smile of hers and her words slowly registering in his head. He lets go of his feather, allowing it to dangle securely under his vision. He wipes and rubs his eyes with his knuckle, looking away in slight shame. At this time he doesn't have the energy to think about how the talk between her and Kusanali will go or if it's going to happen, but everything she says are like little shocks to his body, knocking him off his footing for even when she asks for his name, something so normal and commonplace, it is a surprise to him.

He takes a moment before he answers, he doesn't want to stay this mess that he is. He takes a deep breath and then exhales it slowly before answering. "T-Tetsuya," he responds, looking back at her properly at last. "My name is Tetsuya."

Closing chapters of the past regardless of how positive or negative the ending scenario may be is tantamount to living the present in full and advance towards the future. Not even gods are exempt from learning a lesson like that through losses, just like she had recently with Makoto's ultimate farewell. Sorrow inundated Ei no doubt, albeit it was not as painful as it was when in her losing vitality, her twin sister bid farewell to her within her realm of consciousness if only to have some strength left to say what her body no longer could. This time, it was a release and a breath of fresh air, it was a reminder that so long as the Sacred Sakura exists, so will she continue veiling over Inazuma and over her— such is her twin sister's strength even in death.

It must be the same for her creation— or should she better think of him as a son? While equal in origin, there is a stark difference betwixt him and Raiden Shogun and the one and only reason she can think at the time for her to discard him like she did in the distant past. As distant as years that must mount to centuries of sorrows and lack of understanding why it happened. Her release could have been taken as a blessing but also a curse for abandoning him like she must've done. Long lashes flutter to a brief close as she brings the extended hand to her chest in a moment's consideration.

While the reason of her abandonment may be clear, so it was her recklessness in not giving him the treatment he needed for the same reason that he is different from Raiden Shogun— special. ❝You were never intended to have one.❞ He was meant to be a puppet, an empty vessel where to place her consciousness. There would be no him, only her. Like she is Raiden Shogun, and Raiden Shogun is her. One factor impeded that from happening if not by force and oppression, if not by erasing the sign of identity and replace it with herself. Raiden Shogun was empty through and through, waiting to be filled with that which can only be described as Raiden Ei.

Fair eyelids open anew to reveal serene amethysts, a far cry from the tempests concealed within in a situation that called for thread if not clarified as soon as possible. ❝Answer me this: would you have been happier were I choose you over Raiden Shogun after you?❞ Her eyes rise to the beauty of the golden hour heavens that vault the Slumbering Court. ❝This place may be precursor for nostalgia and melancholy for you and I both. But it is for different reasons based on the manner you and I perceive reality and process it, on our live experiences.❞

Her gaze descends to look at him once again, the hand shut close by her bosom opens and she reveals the palm of her hand to him. ❝If you were to be me, there would be no other perception than mine based on the data I would've had to introduce in you to form your consciousness in such manner that it mirrors mine from 500 years ago.❞ She walks a few steps to one side, then comes to a halt and shakes her head.

❝What I sought is a vessel where to deposit my consciousness so I could discard the lifespan factor of my previous mortal body. For that to happen, it should be devoid of emotions by itself.❞ Amethyst eyes search nigh equivalent ones. ❝There was a mistake in the manner I created you, one that perhaps could count as a miracle. Before I could shape you completely to act as my vessel, something unexpected happened: while you mirrored every single thing I taught you, you started to display signs of cognition of your own that would soon develop in the ability to possess feelings.❞

❝I must've foreseen the possibility that, were I give you a chance to become my vessel, your growing self and mine would eventually conflict with one another. The result would be the necessity to negate your sense of self to make it work. Would you be content with that?❞

Her eyes narrow when he speaks of his past experiences however he wills to let her know, and more events that while vaguely, she is somehow aware that have occurred very recently. There is disappointment in the thought that after being given the Electro Gnosis it has now fell in the Fatui's hands— albeit it is to be expected also. Gnosis are signs of power over the mortal realm, source of power to Archons. However, she needs no power from a Gnosis nor she found utility to it in the way she wanted. La Signora struggled to negotiate with her to get it herself, considering Tsaritsa's plans it would be a matter of time until she would eventually have her Gnosis, too.

For the first time since they encountered one another at the doors of the Slumbering Court, the Narukami Ogosho closes her eyes as the corners of her lips lift in a smile. ❝At least it seems that someone else is giving you the kindness that I must've not given you, that's good.❞ At least that is what she can presume from the lack of constancy in the empty slots where memories of him should permeate her mind. If she kept in touch with him for a prolonged amount of time, that would reflect in a major amount of memories. ❝About what you did to Inazuma... currently, I am in no place to judge until I have all the information. It seems that I have much to talk with Nahida, to ask her about the full version— and to thank her.❞ For caring for you like I never did, but also for giving you the punishment you must deserve for your wrongdoings.

❝When the time comes I will reunite with her and have a lengthy conversation. Tell me... what is your name? You must have one, correct?❞

#hikarizora #in character.#act iii: wanderer.#wow i never thought i'd have the opportunity to have him cry #than k you for that yOU TOO ARE GONNA ME CR Y AWRAXA #i honestly thought the same thing and that's funny cause #that is exactly his argument as well but it's also like you said #she was in this really dark place at the time #it must have definitely been a lot at the time for her #i do apologize if this reply is like #slow on the pacin g #he has had this view of being abandoned for so long that #like being presented with /her/ point of view and how /she/#perceived her actions it is a load for sure #having it challenged from the one he wanted to #subconsciously hear it from the most after almost 500 years #he is trying to digest and process it

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inavagrant-a · 3 years ago

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Signora sighs, rubbing her temples in annoyance at the presence of her fellow harbinger.

"What do you want now, Scaramouche?"

She asks, blue eyes narrowed and full of pure irritation. Depending on what he said, she would probably end up attempting to freeze him into an ice statue...key word is attempt.

(Hope you don't mind me just yeeting Signora immediately! X'D)

He wants to laugh over how predictable her response is to him by the mere presence of him. All he did was walk into the lounge and she’s already baring her fangs at him. Tch, typical. “Temper, temper Signora.” He scolds with a shake of his head as he walks over to one of the couches and takes a seat for himself, a fair distance away from the Fair Lady. “This is open for all of us harbingers, not just you.” Aside from being her superior, claiming the whole lounge for herself is rather bold of her. It seems, like him, she too has been given a break.

The sixth harbinger removes his rather infamous signature hat and sets it to rest by his side, bringing his legs up to rest them on the coffee table before him, crossing one leg over the other, arms resting over the couch he’s claimed for himself.

He won’t deny that her powers of observation serve her well, she got right to the bud of it and asked what he wanted from her. Then again, in that sense the Balladeer is also rather predictable. Like his peers don’t take to him, he also does not take to them and only ever truly bothers to approach any of them if it’s an order, necessary, or he wants something. Scaramouche rests his head back against the couch, closing his eyes to allow himself some sense of rest while it lasts as well. A rest, in fact, he doesn’t need nor want.

“Aside from kissing the Tsaritsa’s ass all the time, what exactly do you do for fun Signora?” He inquires without moving from his current position, nor gracing her with his gaze for the time being. He allows a pause to settle before continuing. “I thought since you and I will be sent to Inazuma, how about we discuss that over a dinner in a pleasant dining hm?” He opens his eyes and looks in her direction.

“To avoid meaningless arguments when we get there.” The truth is he wants to know what the roles are here. In his meeting with The Jester not once did he mention to Scaramouche that he was to bring the gnosis to her excellency and was instead given different orders. Not wanting to rouse too much attention to himself Scaramouche didn’t argue nor ask with the orders that were relayed to him. Instead deciding that he would do some digging on his own from his alleged partner in crime.

“I’ll pay,” he adds, “what do you say?”

@popolaroleplayhub

#popolaroleplayhub #[ᴍɪsᴄ]── asks.#[ɴᴏ. sɪx]── ic.#I am away from my computer #but there ain’t nothing stopping from #harbinger interactions awraxa #I hope this comes out okay #hope you like!#it’s more than okay thank you for sending you’re awesome!#I also apologize about him awraxa

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