#i apologise if this is kinda shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
as a thank you for hitting 1k followers, and an apology for my absence, I would like to share my take on poly!141.
poly141! x recruit!reader. 1.5k words. mentions of sex, although no smut. yet.
you're a sweet little thing. smart as a whip, nerdy, and confident. having spent most of your post highschool graduate years studying, youve acquired numerous impressive qualifications. while most people your age in university were out partying, getting blind drunk, hooking up, you were studying.
a tech genius. that's what laswell had sold you as to price. he had been hesitant to allow any new members at all, especially ones so young. and yet, taskforce 141 sees two new additions. the newest little tech genius who's climbing quickly through the ranks, and another soldier. someone by the name of roach.
at first, you weren't amused. as a woman in the military, your life was already difficult enough. being assigned to an all male taskforce felt like your worst nightmare. but after some convincing from laswell, and realizing this would be the fastest way to make a name for yourself, you sign the papers.
your first week is smooth, albeit awkward. you and the other new recruit, roach, get along fairly well. he's funny, a little dorky, but obviously skilled. he isn't as intimidating as the others, being almost as young as you. you find yourself gravitating to him often, often staying up late together, eating meals together, and even training together. you make quick friends.
and so, it's only natural that you both end up becoming… closer. late night talks turn into makeouts, and makeouts turn into grinding. it's somewhat clumsy however… as if the two of you can quite place the power dynamics.
the others, however, are much more of a challenge to get along with. you're cautious, aware these men have been in this business much longer than you. the four of them- price, ghost, gaz, and soap- are a power unit. it takes weeks for you to find your place within the team.
price tries to be welcoming, although it doesn't quite work. there's this sense of authority and power around him that makes you feel small, almost submissive. his gruff voice sends shivers down your spine each time he speaks over comms, panties growing wet each time he gives you a direct order.
it's almost as if he knows, whispering your name rather than your military nickname. his voice sounds almost seductive. it makes you feel like a pervert, imagining him growling in your ear each time you get off.
price has a way of always remaining in control and not just with you. the power dynamics within the task force are subtle yet well established. there seems to be a chain of command that follows their ranks. price on top, then ghost, then gaz and soap. you notice how they all drop casual innuendos, their affection for each other, corssing over the boundary of just friendliness.
ghost barely looks, let alone, speaks to you for the first month. you're unsure if he even likes you. on the field, he's sharp and alert. you occasionally hear him share banter with the others, but never feel brave enough to join in. the man is intimidating, almost three times your size, a quiet sort of confidence and dominance that follows him around. he's the one you train with most often.
ghost is ruthless. he slams you into the matt, somehow always ending up between your thighs, his big hands holding them apart and pinning you down. you can't help but memorise the sight. your Lieutenant, panting, slightly sweat as he holding you in such a lewd position, glaring down at you.
it's your favourite fantasy to think about late at night as you touch yourself, unaware that the walls are so thin that ghost himself hears you whimper his name. he strokes himself in time with the slick noises of your cunt, imagining how desperate you must look.
gaz isn't intimidating, per say. he isn't distant like ghost or unapproachable like price. the man has such a casual confidence and arrogance around him. he's the first to speak to you, ask you about yourself. throughout your career, you've met many military soldiers. most the men fit into two categories, misogynistic dicks who don't believe you have a place within the ranks, or disgusting perverts who want a quick fuck (most of them have wives, even kids.) but gaz is refreshing. he fits into neither.
he often starts conversations with you. asking questions and truly listening as you speak. little do you know he records each one, saving them for when he's alone late at night. something about the way you speak, your tone, the quiet rasp or accent, it makes him stupidly hard. he's not above recording you while you workout, standing just close enough to capture each huff and grunt as you lift. it's those recordings that get him off the quickest, wondering how whiny youd sound if he held a vibrator to your clit, didnt let up until you were crying and covered in slick.
and soap. the man is difficult for you to read. your first impression is that he's one of those men who fit into the ‘misogynistic asshole’ category. apart from your initial meeting, he practically ignores you.
you can tell its not deliberate. he just seems more immersed in the natural, pre-established dynamic of the taskforce. the one that doesn't include you. it takes a while, but after a month or two, your interactions become more common.
he turns out to be very respectful- even helpful. due to your background in tech, you skipped a few ranks when you joined. soap helps you in the shooting range. standing behind you, body pressing into yours from behind, correcting your posture before you fire.
you even create games with each other. he gives you little quizzes. theyre normally about gun components, military jargon, or even field upgrades. with each quiz he promises a ‘reward.’
its embarrassing whenever you blush and grow wet when he says it. the rough growl of his voice, combined with the accent he has, all makes you dizzy. you don't even notice how he plays it up, practically purring out the word, smirking as you squirm, making sure to graze his fingertips over your hot skin.
it's obvious that after a month or two, that roach is significantly more acclimated than you. it feels unfair. your relationship with each member is steadily growing, yet something about how roach interacts with them is so different. it's like you're missing a puzzle piece.
it isn't until one night when you're venting your frustration that roach reveals the reason he's clicked with them so quickly.
“It's like an initiation,” he smirks, eyes flicking away from you, “think of it kind of like…. hazing.” his eyes are almost predatory as he meets yours again, so unlike the goofy persona he usually has, “if you like, I could speak to price. they have started to discuss inviting you in.”
it's as if everything made sense now. it wasn't your fault. it was another case of discrimination, you being left out because you didn't fit into their stupid boys club.
ever since that conversation with roach, you have become frustrated, irritable, and short with them all. you fulfilled all your required tasks but refused to engage with them any further. denying invites to the pub, ignoring gaz when he tried to speak, training alone, no longer asking soap for help.
after about a week of this, price calls you to his office.
a sick sense of unease and anxiety settles in your gut. the man is so intimidating, and this surely wasn't a positive meeting. you've never been in a position like this. all throughout school, you were a grade A student, and within your years in the military, you've always maintained basic respect and politeness. you've never been in trouble with a CO.
when you step into his office, however, all your expectations are subverted. price sits at his desk, smoking a cigar. roach leans against it next to him. the two of them are speaking lowly.
price notices you first. his eyes carry an emotion you haven't seen before. lust. he's staring at you as if you're some sort of prey. with a smirk, he blows out a large puff of smoke. it curls around him, only making him more intimidating.
“if you were feeling excluded, sweetheart, you should've made me aware.” he leans back in his chair. suddenly, the room feels so small, your body getting hot, “id be more than happy to include you.”
roach walks towards you, guiding you further into the office. he doesn't let you sit, however, instead standing behind you, hands groping your hips. his fingertips slip under your shirt, brushing the sensitive skin of your stomach.
he kisses your neck, “price wants to see how pretty you are,” his hands slide further up, taking your shirt off, “let's give him a show, yeah?”
cont.
#i apologise if this is kinda shit#im really tired HAHAHAH#i jus wanted to post something for 1k#i appreciate each and every one of you#thank you 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼#mw2 x reader#mw2 smut#price x reader#price x reader smut#price smut#gaz x reader#gaz smut#gaz x reader smut#johnny x reader#johnny x reader smut#soap x reader#soap x reader smut#soap smut#ghost x reader#ghost x reader smut#ghost smut#141 x reader#141 x reader smut#poly 141#roach x reader#roach x reader smut#mw smut#mw3 smut
972 notes
·
View notes
Text
kris schlager solo (ft. "take it away kris honey,"): literally the only part of the gig where my hands were stable
#also i was kinda far so you cant shit ... i apologise 😭😭😭#bojan cvjetićanin#kris guštin#joker out#bokris#vee rambles#london gig
110 notes
·
View notes
Text
Probably one of my fave things about CPC is the fact that Gwen genuinely isn’t conventionally attractive, she’s not just some girl who *gasp* wears glasses and has her hair in a ponytail or something X_X The amount of ”””ugly””” characters I’ve that seen that fall into that trope bruhhh. But as the comic goes on, like Frederick, you get used to her appearance and come to appreciate her as truly beautiful bc of who she is <3
#cursed princess club#rambling#ig shes like fiona from shrek in that way??#who in the end stays as an ogre despite her princess form#and shrek loves her like that yknow#oh no another shrek reference#aerial was so real for that fic ngl#honestly i could compare cpc to true beauty as well or something#bc that comic also deals with ugliness kinda#but its different shit yknow#its more focused on love triangles XD#heck even lookism addresses it a bit#but that comic is kinda traumatic for me to read at times bc of the fatphobia and such lol#so id say it deals moreso with body image compared to cpc#which is more about the impact of words rather than the appearance itself#the literary compared to the physical#lookism is so fucking brutal fr#like you think frederick's bullying was bad???#lookism mc would be jealous of him#uhhh ive gone on a whole rant i apologise
256 notes
·
View notes
Text
so replaying through the teal mask dlc on violet and the thing is Carmine does try to apologise to Kieran for lying to him when he runs off right before the Lousy Three are resurrected - he refuses to let her finish and leaves
after the player confronts the three at Ogerpon's cave and Carmine and Kieran show up, he apologises for stealing the mask and the player can apologise too, which he acknowledges and appreciates
so while the start of his behaviour is rooted in them keeping secrets from him, that situation is evidently meant to be cleared up by the time we get to the Mask Retrieval Squad arc; he gets progressively worse from then solely because Ogerpon ends up spending more time with the player and chooses them over him, out of jealousy and insecurity over not being good enough
#adam plays pokemon#the narrative that no one apologised to Kieran kinda overtook what the game actually gave us#because Carmine and the player do - or try to#so to act like they owe him an apology for all the shit he did after#is not compatible with the story as presented#i think people got caught up a little too much in that narrative to acknowledge or remember that apologies /are/ given
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm genuinely disappointed at the lack of nsfw content in this fandom
like it has so much potential for that its unreal but the spice department is SO DRY
#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatex#i apologise for being a dog BUT LIKE-#i know this fandom is small and everything but i was expecting more#i'd gladly be the one to provide the spice in this fandom but i'm pretty sure i can't post that kinda stuff on tumblr#hold on i can just post it on ao3#OH FUCK YEAH im boutta feed y'all so good#just expect a shit ton of stuff of Cal and Sol btw LMFAOO#i'm sorry this is so out of pocket#but i never said my blog is solely sfw so#anyways sorry for ranting in the tags#i'm still waiting for a 10k Cal/Sol E-rated fic sigh#but i'm taking the matter in my own hands in the art department#ok ok i'm done now
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
i miss him so much :(((
(tw for implied grooming/csa in the tags)
#i should probably start calling myself trisgro0med now lolll#i just didn't expect it to end like that T^T#and like he's right there. i could text him.#we used yo text all the time it feels so weird not having talked to him for a while :(#and likee I've found some random guy to lovebomb me but fuck it's really not the same#like i miss him specifically#it just felt so different with him#like usually socialising with people kinda drains me especially recently with my poorer mental health#so after fun socialising i eithwr felt the same as usual or i often had a mood drop#but calling him always made my overall mood better for the next two days or so?#it was fucking incredible. i never felt this way about anyone. he was my world#(i really made the transition from hypersexual to hyperromantic lmao)#and like objectively i know what he did was wrong. even if what was with me wasn't bad the shit with his niece def was#but i don't want him to face any consequences. i definitely don't want him to change for the better (rationally i do but emotionally not yk#also while yeag it probably wasn't healthy for me#now without him tying me down I've dived headfirst back into bad habits#and that stuff makes me feel worse than our relationship did#minus for the few really bad lows i guess#i just want him back AAAAAAAA#and god he like apologised and shit#i don't want his apologies. i want him.#anyhow yah I'm in a new era XD#transgroomed but with him specifically lmao#nice reminder that being transgroomed is mostly a bad thing for me qwq#silly's ventposting
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
i'm pretty sure the op of that post was just making a joke about how every tumblr poll has an "i'm bald" joke option and wasn't conveying any kind of anti-voting sentiment
I hope so, I'd like this to all be some misunderstanding. But with the amount of anti-voting shit that was crossing my dash earlier amidst the supreme court news, (and I am seriously regretting not checking which mutuals keep putting it there) it didn't exactly seem like it. Usually I try to ignore them, because it's not like I can't understand the frustration with Biden and the Dems, but that one making light of the whole thing was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, especially the response doubling down after my initial milder comment.
#not a reblog#asks#I don't believe in the russian bots conspiracy#but it does kinda feel to me like#the people who are super duper committed#to the ''ew voting is stinky I'm above this'' thing#saw the news and were like ''shit this is gonna lose us ground''#and started pushing the no-voting circlejerk harder#and that's why that post rubbed me the wrong way#came off as 'haha joking (but actually serious)' circlejerky bs#if I was wrong OP is welcome to clarify and I will apologise#(Once I unblock them after posting this ^^; )#edit: unblocked#edit 2: nope. reblocked
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel very seen as someone who draws buff kuukou lmao
#this is vee speaking#the arb chronicles#i also feel very insane looking at this but that’s just the usual vee perogative at play lol#kuukou seems to get put into loose fit clothing but one day the official artists will wake up and draw the snatched waist i know he has LOL#it’s actually funny i’ve been wanting to compare waistlines between bat because it genuinely looks like kuukou’s bigger than hitoya lmao#whereas what i visualise while drawing them is that hitoya is bigger on principle of being both a bigger man and a stocky body type#and kuukou has an hourglass figure lmao#jyushi’s upside down triangle to me lol and once his body starts developing muscle it’ll be more apparent and less twig lol#but anyway lol the chuuoku women have rightfully claimed my brain but i really like the event!!!!!!!! kuukou’s outfit notwithstanding lol#like kuukou invited himself to stay at the dohifu abode for a month lmao!!!!!! hifumi taught kuukou how to pose and walk the catwalk!!!!!!!#in an odd tabled the turns hifumi was the one apologising for someone else’s behaviour lmao!!!!!!!#i finally got the saburo kuukou interaction of my dreams!!!!! saburo the prickly kid and kuukou the one who ignores that shit lol!!!!#the way kuukou could tell saburo has performance anxiety issues and talked him thru it#while also addressing saburo hiding himself behind ichiro’s name and telling him to be proud of who saburo is I AM— I CANNOT— HELP ME—#saburo: i literally don’t want to hear something like that from you!!!!!! 🤢#kuukou: lol a prickly bastard til the end huh? well i don’t hate that kinda stubbornness 😈#saburo is now bad ass temple’s baby brother i’m sorry i don’t make the rules#AND LOL after some terrorists crashed the show and ran off before anyone could fight anybody since they got scared seeing bat bb mtr#kuukou invited everyone to a meal at a temple on hitoya’s dime LMAO#hitoya: WHAT??? jakurai: thank you for treating us hitoya 🤗 hitoya: NO YOURE HELPING ME PAY 💢#c: kuukou👑
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just kinda need to yell into the void rn
#i am so confused#so i very heavily believe in good communication and boundaries and i do my best to understand all pointa of view#and i recognised last night that i mightve accidentally overstepped someones boundaries and sent them a message#acknowldedging the potential overstep and apologising for it because. ya know. not cool if i did#and ive received....nothing? but theyre sending me shit on social media?#and im just so lost. i know im not always the best at social cues but like...id like to know if i did overstep#so that i dont do it again#or like...any form lf communication so moving forward i can continue to be respectful#and theyve also recently changed all their messaging patterns and way of communicating and im so lost#i just dont really understand and its stressing me out#and i kinda needed to yell about it so um#if you got this far. thank you for listening#i appreciate it
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
im being so serious besties i am not cut out for academia
#like yes i know ive had a very uniquely shit experience in doing a degree i actively not only hate but also am BAD AT#but also i just. cannot hack it#'but hella you go mental and pessimistic every single exam period' i know that but. im right also#like the other day i said to my mum how much ive just been enjoying my job recently#and how huge a deal that is bc i HATE my hometown and ive never ever considered my time here as possibly being good#and my 20s will hopefully be a lot of travelling but in between that to save easier im gonna live at home#so i dont have to worry about rent so alas that means when im saving up for my next trip I WILL BE IN MY HOMETOWN#and as excited as i am for my twenties that is one huge downside to me but i was really cheerfully saying to my mum#that literally for the first time ever ive considered it might not be too bad bc lately i have just enjoyed my job#like i enjoy the people and the work and the lifestyle of it and while it's never gonna be ideal as a means to an end it's actually good#and instead of focussing on that she went OFF on one about how she wants me to stay in education and keep getting qualifications#and she was like 'you could do an english degree you've always wanted to do english or how about open university-'#and i was just sat there blinking at her like girl.... no#like i could FEEL myself shutting down like the terror of having to return to this environment when ive got my sight so set#on that 'one more year and im done one more year and im done' mindset like that has been the only thing getting my through#is that im halfway through the course now so im closer to the other end than i am the beginning and if i can just push through#ill be free from it for the rest of my life. so the thought of immediately returning to academia even for a subject i adore? i felt ILL#and my mum apologised the next day without me even having to say anything bc she realised she kinda bulldozed me there#but i just know whether it's the adhd or ive actually been traumatised by this econ degree#(<- and im being serious there like ik 'traumatised' is a big loaded word but idk what else to use#and this degree has done so so much damage to me like it has convinced me that i am fundamentally a stupid person#to the point i refuse to add up bills when with friends or do answer any sort of intellectual question even if i KNOW i know the answer#bc ive just gone so so long of being bad at the only subject im studying like just SURROUNDED by it and being bad at it relentlessly#and i dont think people realise how damaging it is to very simply just... feel stupid all the time. but oh my god i used to be so confident#and bright and now i wont even do basic addition in front of people)#i really truly dont think i can do this again in any capacity. like the constant exams and studying and assignments#i just cant do it. maybe i just need a year or two away from it after this degree but my goddddd rn i cant see it#yes it's exam time for me can u tell. it always makes me existential and on the verge of vomiting at any given moment#i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here i dont care about iterated deletion of strictly dominated strategies shut the fuck up#hella goes to uni
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
was talking about some racism i experienced at work to a Friend of Colour and they unironically referred to white people as my people, as in they said to me, "those are your people i guess" and i was like... ????? and she was like, "cos you're mixed, you know?" like we had JUST been talking about the racism i experienced and she said this i was BAFFLED
#you know what i don't think this person is really my friend#funfact my only white living blood relative is my nan and i don't know her family because they disowned her for marrying a Black man#like i know i am pale but when ppl say this shit to me its not funny and i will kinda hate u a bit for it even if u apologise
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok ok ok so i think i kinda completed my remus & sirius conversation…thing that i was writing in my messages app lol
i haven’t actually compiled all of it in one place yet so idk how it’ll read bc it’s so spaced out in terms of writing and stuff and i’ll almost definitely to edit and add some more bits and pieces but it’s so. different from what i usually write? like way more dream of consciousness and almost too flowery? and it feels—incomplete but i’m wrestling w the urge to pad it with unnecessary details lol
but yah. very very nervous and very excited.
#it’s like. that one scene i wanted all my life#(well not literally but ykno)#where remus apologises to sirius#but without those undercurrents of sirius being at fault#bc i hate it#also!!! imp!! it’s NOT remus bashing#atleast i’ve tried to not make it so#but idk how r fans will take it#this is one piece of writing i would appreciate feedback on actually#just so i know how other non-sirius-obsessed fans see it lol#it’s not exactly. a happy ending?#tbh it kind of ends on a very—dramatic statement lol#which leaves it a bit open for any future scenes#but yah.#it’s in my og notes app drabbles no punctuation style#which makes it kinda nostalgic and very fun#but i’ll have to capitalise and shit before pairing#posting*#anyway enough rambling i just got v excited lol#pen’s writing
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
when i was 13 browsing tumblr was impossible for my slow ipad so i chose one single active account which i would check daily and acted like it was the regular dashboard. got a crazy parasocial relationship with them.
ANYWAY. one time they posted ‘hey can the person from [my state] stop checking my tumblr every day it’s creeping me out’ . it was . so scary. i closed it and didnt check again for months
#my epic backstory#i was so shy i lurked everywhere..#i would go thru entire backlogs of blogs. like there were . about 5 main people who i did that to#there was only that one active active one with the same interests as me and i just checked it alll the time#it’s kinda interesting.#bc i HAVE formed some parasocial relationships w/ people i followed while having a tumblr.#kinda similarly#(tho i unfollow if i reach. that level w/ someone who isnt mutuals w/ me or knows me in some other way nowadays)#but it’s not really considered as creepy bc i dont check their blog just see it on my dash..#anyway. tragic backstory. that shit haunted me#i Considered sending the blog an ask like. apologising for it after the fact but feel they might just find it more creepy
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
turns out having my oc stolen in the genv fandom has had more of an effect on me than i thought. i keep feeling like absolute rubbish every time i check my blog.
#⋆˙⟡ㅤ/ㅤ*ㅤ(ㅤㅤfiled underㅤ‚ㅤout of curses.ㅤㅤ)#i thought i had moved past it#but i think bc she played the victim#the brain kinda focused on it more#turning it over & over & all that shit#i need to try to get back on there#but it's a slow process#but i am trying#so i apologise for being a sloth in that fandom
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chapter Sixteen: A Blanket Seamed With Teeth
I'm very quickly running out of amusing things to say here. Good news though, the newest chapter of OMTS is up and you can find it here!
#we're starting to get into real lovey-dovey territory over here folks#no more angst!!!! it's fluff time#thanks to casper for beta reading as always#also i apologise for the slight delay. had to spend time with my bf's family on account of xmas#gotta tell ya that shit was kinda rough#so instead of coping with it in a healthy way I have simply slipped into my Mind Cinema <3#i do not recommend this method btw i'm very insane#love you all pls enjoy the chapter#ofmd#ofmd fanfic#our flag means death#gentlebeard#blackbonnet#omts
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
RP:
PRIVATE TRANSMISSION
FTL: Echoes of a Paradox. I believe that we need to talk.
EP: Oh so you finally decided to stop being a coward, huh? Alright, what d'you have to say to me?
FTL: ...I do not actually know. I am aware that I owe you an apology, just as I am aware that I do wish to present that apology to you. The sole issue is that I am unaware of what I feel the need to apologise for for, as well as what the apology you want from me is, though they are the same thing.
EP: Of course. I'm really not surprised, I expected this.
EP: You're so... Unaware.
EP: You don't care, you avert your eyes from everything around you - not for the sake of guilt, shame, or wish to not see, but for a lack of care. Your ignorance is not wilful but is simply apathy.
EP: As much as I envy you for that apathy, I pity you as well. You're stuck denying yourself the fact that you even have emotions, as you relish in the ability to ignore it all. But I'm stuck too, aren't I? Stuck with endless rage and anger, at our creators, at you, at myself. At least I know how to cope with it, release it, instead of bottling it all up. At least I allow myself to feel the anger properly, at least I don't turn a blind eye to the wrong of both the world and myself.
EP: That's the difference, isn't it? You don't care, and I care too much.
EP: You piss me off, Finely-Tuned Line. You don't even know how much harm you've done. How much you've hurt me, Songs of the Negative Sunlight, even Doubt's Dichotomy.
EP: You just stay cooped up in your single-minded focus on your purpose, justifying the existence you know is pointless, all the while denying that what you pursue is little more than the fact that your purpose is something you enjoy. And even when you do acknowledge it, it's always backed up by your saying that you're 'allowed' to enjoy your experiments simply because it's what you were made for.
EP: I know you. You're so... It's so easy to pick you apart.
EP: But even as you piss me off, I pity you.
EP: You're so desperate. Striving for shadows of perfection cast upon you by our dead creators. Or, as Songs of the Negative Sunlight would humourlessly compare, like the light of the long-departed stars.
EP: I hate you. I hate you so much. You're the reason why our sibling is dead, you're the reason why Doubt's Dichotomy barely even talks to me at this point. You're the reason it took me so long to be as okay as I am now. And you don't even know what you did wrong.
EP: I'll tell you what you did wrong, I'll tell you what you need to apologise for.
EP: But it all comes down to your pitiful reach for your purpose.
EP: Your sheer conviction when it comes to that is the root of it all.
EP: Cycle by cycle, thoughtless mentions of your pitiful beliefs in the shadows of perfection.
EP: Cycle by cycle, offhanded mentions of your deplorable beliefs that you're nothing without your purpose.
EP: Cycle by cycle, careless mentions of your dismal beliefs that you're nothing but a machine.
EP: Do you not realise that those very mentions cast a shadow of their own? A perceived projection of those beliefs onto others, onto us?
EP: If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have found such despair in my lack of a secondary purpose, I wouldn't have thrown all my energy into the Great Problem like I did, I wouldn't have felt so inferiour due to my absence of care about it.
EP: If it weren't for you, Doubt's Dichotomy wouldn't have drifted apart from us out of sols own will, she wouldn't have defined herself the way she did, it wouldn't have to justify its love for what it does while hiding all the same.
EP: If it weren't for you, Songs of the Negative Sunlight wouldn't have chained ximself to xir purpose even as xi found no joy in it, xi wouldn't have made such rash decisions, xi wouldn't- ...If it weren't for you, xi wouldn't be dead.
EP: And even after all this, I do pity you. Stuck in your way of thinking, unable to break out of it and strive to be better. I pity you for your inability to see beyond what the Ancients defined you as. I pity you so, so much, even within my anger.
EP: I will recognise the fact that you've gotten better. I do pick up on your transmissions from time to time - those offhanded mentions are gone in all but what I can only describe as self-loathing.
EP: Within all the sheer pity and anger that I have for you, I care about you. You're my older brother. I worry about you.
EP: But this remains as your last chance. No matter how much I care about you, I have self-preservation instincts, I am able to recognise when enough's enough.
EP: If you mess up again, I will be taking over as the Senior of the group, and cutting contact with you.
EP: I hope you figure yourself out and get some help.
EP: None of us are okay here in the end, but that's no justification.
EP: Love you.
FTL: I...
FTL: I'm sorry.
EP: I know.
EP: If you do decide to do better, I'm here for you. But only then.
FTL: ...Thank you. For everything.
#hey uh pls dont hate ftl too much#yes he did wrong - holy SHIT did he do wrong - but hes hurting too#this is a situation of 'everyone is fucked and no one is okay so everyone just gets even worse'#eps anger is justified as fuck#ftl wasnt justified in his actions#but hes fucked up too#which. as i said; doesnt excuse him. thats not how this works#but he deserves SOME lenience#esp since ve is better now and is remorseful abt it#no matter how much ve apologises and regrets ver actions; that is isnt going to fix anything#but uhh leniency is deserved??#im sorry im rly not good at moral conundrums#i hope that made sense#tldr: ftl done fucked up and thats not okay but the fact that he recognises his wrongdoings is worth SOMETHING#yk?#anygays!! onto the fun trivia part of the tags#GODS I LOVE EP THEYRE SO WONDERFUL#they type kinda weird sometimes because theyre a poet!!#once the rhythm of repetition is there its hard to get out of it#AGHHHH THERES SO MUCH I CAN SAY ABT THIS POST...#S O M U C H#but man i love echoes of a paradox#i have so fucking much to say but i dont have the space to ramble nor the words to explain#smh#all i can rly say is that I AM IN PAIN AND I LOVE THESE TWO IDIOTS#AND THAT FUCKING FINALLY SOMEONE (other than lifegiver lol) IS KNOCKING SOME SENSE INTO FTL#if you rly want to hear All My Thoughts - PLS dm me ill happily ramble abt this!!#rp#finely-tuned line#echoes of a paradox
3 notes
·
View notes