#i am working my way through taskmaster

[sarahlancashire]

top 5 recently watched? (movies or tv series)

midsomer murders

bluey

under the bridge (ik it's still airing so i haven't technically finished watching it but whatever)

series twelve of taskmaster

palm royale

ask me my top fives

[taskmasterhistorian]

Via Reddit

There was a phone number under the name "SPO’Nage Plumbing" posted on the van in the "give Alex a five-word instruction in the most spy-like way" task in Series 9 Episode 9.

When you called the number on the van (the number no longer works), this audio played:

Transcript:

Alex: “Hello, there! You’re through to the Taskmaster…’s assistant, and part-time emergency plumber, Alex Horne. Unfortunately, I am currently either being punished, or in the basement, re-elasticating the Taskmaster’s swimming trunk collection. So I can’t answer your call, hang out, see my family, or have anything to eat. For any queries to do with Taskmaster or SPO’Nage Plumbing Limited, please either call back in two years time or write to your local MP. Also, er this is very important-“

Greg: “Alex!!”

Alex: “Oh no! I have to go now! Bye!”

[quoththemaiden]

A short (~1k) scene inspired by Chapter 9 of @mrghostrat's absolutely glorious Big Name Feelings human AU fic. Hope you like arms?

"C'mon, angel, not even gonna crack a smile at that one? Whales, get it? Whales."

Aziraphale felt like his cheeks were on fire from trying to keep a straight face at Crowley's increasingly terrible puns. "I would hate to tacitly encourage this behavior."

"Pfft, you love it." Crowley grinned at him, far past being undaunted and fully into the realm of being energized by Aziraphale's failed attempts at stoicism.

"You're utterly ridiculous." Aziraphale didn't even bother trying to make it sound like an insult, and the half of the screen taken up by his webcam made it clear his cheeks were as pink as they felt. "And I can't help but feel like you're stalling. Hadn't we agreed to be actually productive today?" Aziraphale didn't mind, really; he did want to keep making steady progress on his art, but if his life could consist of coming home from work and just unwinding with Crowley...

...but, well, that wasn't the purpose of this call.

Crowley groaned. "Yeah, yeah. What a taskmaster."

"It is my job to protect you from rabid fans, after all," Aziraphale teased right back.

"O Brave Guardian, protect me from procrastination!"

"That sounds rather harder than a dragon, I'm afraid. But if you don't get to work, I won't be able to work either, and then you won't get to see the finished piece."

"Urk—" Crowley made a strangled noise and finally reached for his mouse. "You'll actually be working on it?"

Aziraphale nodded before adjusting his webcam to show his tablet a bit more. "I really need to get more practice with this, to get half as confident as I am with physical paints."

"I've seen the drawings you've done! They're fucking brilliant."

Aziraphale laughed. "You've said that about everything I've shown you. I'm starting to think I should send you some stick figures as a test."

"Those would be the most adorable fucking stick figures ever. You could draw a whole comic of just stick figures and I'd reblog it a hundred times."

"That's about what I'd expect you to say, yes." Crowley opened his mouth to protest that his compliments were always earnest, and Aziraphale cut him off. "Weren't you going to start writing?"

"Ngghh, right, yeah. Alright, lemme just pull up my docs and then we'll get started bodydoubling for real." Crowley clicked over to screenshare his window as he opened his fic notes. He'd long since stopped hiding anything from Aziraphale; getting to bounce ideas off of him was too invigorating, and his heart always sang at getting to write down his name with official beta credit. (He'd also long since stopped pretending to himself that he'd ever felt quite the same way about any other beta.)

"Good lord." Aziraphale sounded more than faintly appalled, and Crowley felt offended for a moment before taking a proper look at what was on his screen. It was currently showing the notes he'd made at 3 AM this morning, when he'd woken up from a dream and jotted down what had, at the time, felt like a brilliant scene. As always, he'd had his eyes mostly-closed the whole time and his swipes had been clumsy at best, but as long as it got the general point across, he was always satisfied. It only wound up being a usable scene about half the time, but he wasn't about to turn down free inspiration when he could get it. He quickly read through the imagery he'd written down.

They switch rolled over and opened their eyes. In the still morning sunlight they could set the witchfinder still sleeping cloudy enough to touch: his head ears cradled on his arms, the  misos slack with sleep but still clearly there under surface. The words knew from experience that if he were awakened stable the strength would flour back into them in an instant ray for a fight. The wishes couldn't help but think odd other things they might but tray for as well

Crowley paled. "I— that—"

"I mean, it's. Well. It's rather avant-garde."

Crowley froze. "I, uh—"

"'The misos?' And 'flour?'"

Crowley stuttered out of his bluescreen and hastily opened another tab, the screenshare automatically switching over. Aziraphale had read it, but he clearly hadn't actually understood it. As long as he didn't give him enough time to crack the cipher that was 3 AM notetaking, Crowley could bluff his way through it. "Zuh. Yeah. Wrote that down in the middle of the night when I got an idea of where I wanted to start the next scene off."

"And you could recognize any of that?" The camera jostled a little as Aziraphale shook his head. "I suppose I wouldn't do any better if I tried sketching out an idea in the dark." He picked up his stylus and started doodling simple shapes, warming up and re-acclimatizing himself to the responsiveness of the device. He was still getting used to the new medium, but he was finally starting to see a path forward to making a digital art style that felt authentically his own.

"Yessss." Crowley bit his tongue to cut off the guilty hissing. It definitely didn't help that the webcam was doing a very awkward job of catching the tablet screen but showed a very distracting hint of Aziraphale's forearms. The forearms he had, at 3 AM, apparently woken up from a dream about and been so inspired by that he'd felt the need to immortalize them in fanfiction.

"Well, I shall be interested in seeing how that gets transformed into comprehensible English."

"Right, definitely." Crowley was typing gibberish and backspacing over it quickly, more to hide how much attention he was having to devote to this conversation than out of an actual need to warm up his fingers. "Right, definitely focusing on writing now!"

Aziraphale laughed as he cleared his tablet screen and pulled up his WIP, shifting into concentration mode himself. He did enjoy the early days they had spent where their hours of "bodydoubling" were really nothing more than talking and laughing together, but being able to be quietly productive with someone else, knowing they were there with you without needing to be in the same room, that they were sharing your same wavelength without needing to say a word... that simple sense of togetherness brought with it such a deep feeling of comfort that he thought it might be an even more profound, longer-lasting sense of joy than their early days of giddy laughter had given. The strokes of his stylus turned smoother and more confident as he got into the flow, his eyes focused on his own screen and only vaguely aware of the lines of text growing across Crowley's.

Eventually, Crowley calmed down as well, and the text growing on his screen even started to make sense. And he made sure it had absolutely nothing to do with forearms.

--

Translation of the deleted 3 AM scene:

The witch rolled over and opened their eyes. In the early morning sunlight, they could see the witchfinder still sleeping close enough to touch. His head was cradled on his arms, the muscles slack with sleep but still clearly there under the surface. The witch knew from experience that if he were awakened, the strength would flow back into them in an instant, ready for a fight. The witch couldn't help but think of other things they might be ready for as well.

[writing-until-i-drop]

Wildflowers For A Hangman Ch. 3

Summary:

Daisy, a career novelist, moves in with her college best friend Phoenix who has been permanently assigned to Top Gun with Dagger Squad. She finds herself instantly connected with a cocky pilot who's soft only for her and Jake can't help but want to know everything about her. When the past comes knocking at both of their doors, will they stand together or fall apart?

Or: The Dagger Squad can't cook and Jake falls in love with a woman who makes a mean lasagna while they work their personal trauma.

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x writer!femOC | 18+ (eventually) minors dni. Fluff, smut (eventual), idiots in love, past trauma.

A/N: Daisy has a disturbing realization regarding her newest character, one that dredges up painful memories. Jake has a realization of his own when driving Daisy home from the Hard Deck.

AO3 Link

Previous Chapter

“I want pages as soon as you have them, Daisy. It’s not what I was hoping for but I am very excited.” My publisher Grace said in her thick, Jersey accent. “Send them to Jason first, I know how he gets when he’s left out of the loop.” I rolled my eyes, my agent Jason would get the text about pages when I was ready to share them and not a moment before, otherwise, he’d be calling me three times a day for a status update. Jason had been with me since the beginning, helping me polish my submissions and get picked up by Grace’s publishing house, but he was a taskmaster. A loveable taskmaster, but a taskmaster nonetheless. 

“Sounds good, Grace. I just wanted to keep you in the loop with what’s coming down the pipeline.” 

“You never disappoint me, Daisy.” With that, Grace hung up. Natasha and Rooster had helped me build a desk and chair, giving me the perfect place to work from. Special Agent Cassandra Klein had a lot to say and the pages kept filling with words as fast as I could type them. Sure, a lot of it would probably be cut in the editing process, but it was thrilling that the story was coming so easily. Writing my last book had been like trying to get blood from a stone using a cotton swab as a weapon. My parents were murdered, Cassandra whispered and my fingers froze on the round keys of my pink keyboard. Right in front of me. 

“No, no, no, no,” I scrambled away from my desk, toppling backward in the chair. My head hit the edge of my bed on the way down, pain shooting through my body, “Shit!” I laid there, sprawled out on the floor for a long time, staring up at the ceiling. I had their blood on my tennis shoes. Cassandra was coming to me so easily because she was me. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.” I chanted to myself, head spinning. 

But I had already told Grace about the story and she was expecting pages. I couldn’t back out of this now. Cassandra wouldn’t stop whispering twisted details of my past, her past, our past, to me. She demanded that I tell the story. It was the driving force for her joining the Navy and then NCIS, it was the reason she was determined to catch the bad guys. It was the most important part of her just like it was with me. 

Some time later I managed to pull myself off of the floor. I looked in the bathroom mirror, cringing when I saw the blood and the bruise beginning to form at my temple. My cheeks were puffy and tear-stained, and my eyes were bloodshot. I looked utterly pathetic and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re in deep shit now, DeeDee,” I knew what I should have done. I should have called my old therapist and scheduled a new session, I should have called my brother and asked for an update on his wife and kids. I should have done anything besides what I was going to do. I wiped up the blood, cringing at the burn of the alcohol wipe, and put a bandaid over the cut. Then I went back to work. 

Cassandra was a tough cookie but unlike me, saw her therapist well into adulthood. But unlike me, she drank and smoked an unhealthy amount to cope with what she saw on the job. I stayed away from her past, only alluding to it briefly in therapy, and got on with the investigation she was pursuing with her team. By the time I heard Natasha come home, I had written enough to make me happy.

“You home, Daisy?” Natasha shouted up the stairs, her heavy footfall disrupting my concentration. I shut my laptop, rubbing at my tired eyes, responding that I was home. “Do you want to go for dinner and then a drink with the guys?” A drink did sound good, actually, twelve drinks sounded better. 

“Yeah, can I wear my pajamas this time?” Natasha shot me down, I heard her shower turn on. I begrudgingly changed out of my Cookie Monster pajama pants and into leggings, layering extra deodorant, and perfuming my Embry-Riddle University sweatshirt. 

“So, are you going to tell me what happened to your forehead?” Natasha pointed with her fork. I ignored her, taking another bite of my burger. “That’s a no then. Am I going to have to beat up a person or baby-proof our furniture?” 

“Furniture,” I mumbled, stuffing a handful of fries into my mouth in the most unladylike way. “Don’t wanna talk about it.” 

“Clumsy,” Natasha chided, stealing one of my fries even though she had a plate of her own. “If you don’t want to talk about that, do you want to talk about Hangman?” I glared at her. Ever since the first night at the Hard Deck, Natasha had been trying to get me to talk about Jake and how I felt about him but I wouldn’t say a word. He was nice, especially when he stopped flirting with me constantly, he listened to me talk about everything that came to my mind, listening with rapt attention. “You’re smiling!” 

“Shut up, Tasha. Want to tell me about you and Coyote?” Natasha’s smile faded fast, her cheeks turning pink.

“Nothing to tell.” Natasha lied, slurping her root beer. “Alright, so no talking about the forehead or boys. Have you talked to Harvey lately?” 

“Nah, he’s busy with baby number three. Little Jill Prentiss is a 7lb 14oz bundle of joy who will not let them sleep more than a few hours a night.” My younger brother Harvey had been too young to be saddled with all of the lingering trauma, getting married to his high school sweetheart Emma after graduating from college, bought a house in Iowa, and started having babies. My nieces were the highlight of my life, for every book I wrote, I would get an advance and spend a good portion of it on presents for them. 

“Good for him, doing all that domestic crap. If I got pregnant, I’d have to give up flying and I don’t know if I’ll ever be willing to do that.” 

“Would you do it for Javy?” 

“I thought we said no boys!” 

The Hard Deck wasn’t as packed on a Wednesday night, making it much more my speed. Penny greeted us with a wave, grabbing the bottle of Patron.

“Evening, ladies! Your usual?” 

“Pretty please, Penny,” I passed her my card to start a tab. “Did you and Mav enjoy the cookies I sent?” 

“Amelia and I ate them all before he came home from work,” Penny laughed, “They were delicious, you’ll have to give me the recipe.” 

“No can do, my recipe book is under lock and key.” Penny pinched her lips at me but slid me two shots and a tequila sunrise. “But all you have to do is ask for more and I’ll drop off a batch.” That got a smile out of her. I slammed back my two shots, getting primed and ready for human interaction, and then ordered a third just to be sure.

“You’re in rare form tonight,” Natasha remarked, side-eyeing me, “Still don’t want to talk about it?” I shook my head, letting her lead me to where the other daggers were sitting with their beers. Payback and Fanboy were deep in conversation, Bob was texting, and Bradley was off to the side, chatting with some pretty brunette. Jake noticed us first, motioning for me to sit next to him.

“Hey, Wildflower.” I rolled my eyes, fighting a smile. He frowned, brushing my bangs back to reveal the bandaid, “What happened?” 

“I was attacked by a piece of furniture,” I mumbled, pushing my bangs back into place. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He grabbed my hand under the table, thumb smoothing over my knuckles.

“Then we won’t talk about it but-” He was cut off by Rooster rejoining the group, announcing that he did in fact get the woman’s number.

“Ten bucks says it’s fake,” Natasha challenged with a shit-eating grin. Payback took her up on the deal, “Because why would she give you her number instead of trying to take you home on this fine, Wednesday evening?”

“Yee of little faith,” Rooster rolled his eyes. “She’s right there, I’ll call her.” He pointed to the bar where the woman in question was settling her tab and dialed. We all watched as Rooster’s phone rang but the phone in the woman’s hand didn’t light up. “Oh, um, wrong number.” 

“I bet it was the mustache, I keep telling you to shave that thing, man.” Jake teased, smacking Rooster on the back.

“It’s not the mustache, ladies love the mustache. Right, Daisy?” I held up my hands, forcing Jake to drop it.

“I am not getting involved in this, ask Tasha.” He turned to ask Natasha who was glaring daggers at him and he thought better of it. Jake’s hand rested on my thigh, sparking a deep blush in my chest.

“I thought we talked about the flirting thing, Hangman,” I whispered. Everyone was too busy roasting Rooster to notice our little conversation. He shot me a glare, squeezing my thigh.

“I’m not flirting, Wildflower. I’m being comforting,” He rolled his eyes.

“Who says I need comforting?”

“The extra shot of tequila and you, little lady, call me Jake.” I narrowed my eyes at him, annoyed that he noticed so much about me. I was used to being noticed by people like Natasha, Harvey, and the occasional fan, but not by men like Jake. Sure, Rooster had called me gorgeous, but the man who would flirt with a brick wall if given the chance. I wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, with my soft stomach and thighs, but I considered myself cute in the right outfits. Certainly not what I was wearing 90% of the time though, including right then.

“I’ll call you whatever I like, pretty boy.” I bluffed, rolling my eyes at him. He shot me another glare,

“Now who’s flirting?” 

“Whatever,” I huffed, sliding my hand over his. He let me get the last word and I was thankful for it, my social battery absolutely shot from the unwelcome trip down memory lane earlier in the day. 

X

As the night went on, Daisy sank deeper into my side, her fingers laced with my own beneath the table. Something was wrong, that much was obvious, but it was clear she didn’t want to talk about it and I wasn’t about to run her off by asking too many questions. Daisy had a way of keeping me on my toes, always calling me out when I tried to flirt or tease her. It made me want to do those things all the time, just to watch her pretty brown eyes roll with an exasperated sigh of my name. 

“Do you want a water?” I whispered, enjoying the way her grip on me tightened as she shivered. She looked up at me with droopy eyes, blinking slowly like a cat. I made a mental note to add kitten to the lineup of nicknames for her, just to see how she’d react to it. 

“I want to go to bed but she’s enjoying herself,” I followed her eyes to Phoenix, who was in deep conversation with Coyote over pre-flight rituals. 

“I can take you home, Wildflower.” I had the urge to take her home and tuck her in bed with me at her side, tracing patterns on her thigh even after she fell asleep. The thought made me both happy and queasy. I had never dreamt of domesticity, at least not after my pops got sick. The day he had been diagnosed with cancer and I saw how distraught my mama was, I knew I didn’t want to be the source of that much grief to anyone I loved. But with Daisy, those sweet thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. I wanted to dance with her in the kitchen while she cooked and hold her hand at the grocery store, I wanted to do everything I had avoided with a ten-foot pole with every other girl I had been with for a night. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Come on,” I pulled her to her feet. “Phoenix, I’m going to take Daisy home, she’s a little tired.” Phoenix narrowed her eyes at me, the protective vibe rolling off of her in waves until Daisy leaned into my side.

“Goodnight, everyone,” Her eyes were half-closed as she waved to the squad and I quickly guided her to the bar, paid for both of our tabs, and guided her to my truck. There was a bit of a lift to it and I had never been more happy for it when Daisy giggled, taking my helping hand in.

“You’re such a gentleman, Jake.” 

“I’m your gentleman, Wildflower.” Instead of glaring, she just smiled, that pretty blush turning her cheeks the same color as her hair. I wanted to snap a picture of the moment, Daisy sitting in my passenger seat with that soft smile on her lips. 

I closed the door, jogging to the other side. Daisy had her arm on the center console and she didn’t protest when I laced our fingers together as I drove. Whether I was finally breaking her down or she was too tired to mind, I didn’t care, smiling the whole drive. 

“Stay put, sweetheart.” I squeezed her hand before getting out and helping her out of the truck. 

“You don’t have to walk me to the door, Jake.” 

“The door? I was planning on tucking you in, I’ve got to protect you from more wild furniture attacks.” That got me an eye roll but she didn’t protest, leading me into the apartment she shared with Phoenix. I had been there once before with Javy but the place looked completely different, instead of a crash pad, it felt like a home. My pops always said it took a woman’s touch to turn a house into a home and looking at Daisy’s string lights and wax melter, I couldn’t have agreed more. “So, which of these Ikea pieces attacked you?”

“My bed, it’s a long story.” Daisy let me follow her up the stairs and I was going to take as long of a leash as she was going to give me here.

“I’ve got time,” I pried gently, averting my eyes from her round ass like the gentleman I was trying to be.

“I fell out of my chair and hit my head, not a big deal, just a little embarrassing.” My mind immediately went into a panic, wanting to check her for a concussion and to see how bad the cut was beneath the bandaid but I restrained myself, knowing that would get me kicked out faster than I could say urgent care. 

“Beds can be dangerous,” I teased instead, grinning when I got a laugh out of her. Daisy stopped just inside of her room, looking up at me with sleepy eyes and I found myself practicing self-restraint again, wanting to cover her face in kisses until she pulled me to bed with her.

“Thanks for bringing me home, Jake, but I think I’ve got it from here.” 

“Okay,” I said but I didn’t want to leave yet. Instead, I wrapped her in my arms, breathing in her vanilla perfume, relishing the fact she was hugging me back. “Goodnight, Wildflower.” 

“Goodnight, Jake.” 

I locked the bottom lock on my way out, texted Phoenix that Daisy was in bed, and took the long route home, needing to clear my head. Except Daisy wouldn’t leave my mind, taking up residence in every corner. Her laugh, her smile, her glare. I was so fucked. 

Next Chapter

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

For Taskmaster s18e03, I said I’m not liveblogging that one, because I was exhausted after a long and shitty week that involved a significant spike in anxiety, and once I’d finally reached the weekend and could have some blessed relief from trying to go to work through this, I just wanted to curl up under my weighted blanket and passively consume my comfort show. The week of Taskmaster s18e04, there was no liveblogging because I didn’t watch the episode that week, because I was busy dealing with a significant escalation in the sudden spike in anxiety issues, having panic attacks at work, terrified of losing my job, getting called into a meeting with my boss to discuss my “performance issues” such as [list of anxiety symptoms that included “hand wringing” and “rapid breathing” and other things that I normally try incredibly hard to cover up at work but it turns out that two weeks of being too burned out and anxious to mask is enough to ruin everything], became unable to function for a bit.

Anyway, today there will be liveblogging, because I saw a doctor, got a prescription for new anxiety meds and a note for six weeks of medical leave from work, so suddenly, I have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands, enough time to easily make watching Taskmaster take 2 hours instead of 1 (which is what happens when I stop to liveblog, for some reason, even though it doesn’t seem like it should take that long). My life is an absolute mess, but bright side, there’s time for Taskmaster!

I’ve started and abandoned several different posts in which I explain what’s happened lately, because venting on Tumblr is a go-to resource when I'm having a bad time and want to express that, but while I was in the middle of it I didn’t have the energy to write anything – hence the lack of any posts for a little while – and this one sort of feels too real-world big to share on Tumblr (…I reserve the right to go back on that if I feel differently later this week and want to write a post about how hard it is to be a therapist for autistic and often anxious kids, while trying to appear to be a person who does not have any of these problems of my own). So instead, I’m going to return to Tumblr posting with:

Thoughts on Taskmaster s18e04, written as I watch it (five days late):

- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the insulting intros where Greg Davies implies Alex Horne is right-wing in a really specific way are the funniest ones.

- My immediate thought after hearing the prize task category: Cobra Kai DVDs. I know a lot of people who say “badass” unironically (I may… occasionally, in the right environment, which is not Tumblr, be one of those people myself), and they all talk exactly like Johnny Lawerence. Karate Kid movies would work as something that actually are badass, but no one uses the word there (the good guys would never use such a word because they’re too busy using the force, which is magical in an only slightly racist way, while the bad guys are too purely evil to say fun stuff like “badass”), Cobra Kai drops some excellent uses of the word in an accurate context.

…I wrote that whole paragraph before remembering that Cobra Kai was released way too recently to be out on DVD. Burn them yourself, then, that’s even better. Piracy is badass.

- Emma Sidi’s prize has big “owned this anyway, wanted to bring it in, found the prize category where she could most easily shoehorn it” energy. But fair enough. If I owned a statue of a baby angel with sunglasses on, and I got called up to Taskmaster, I would do the same.

-

[Sam Campbell voice] I've got nothing but love for the boys from above...

- I get Babatunde's slang ("ends") that confused Greg, because I have seen Ahir Shah's latest stand-up show. I am still unimpressed by sneakers, but I'm pleased that I apparently know more British slang terms than Greg Davies. I feel very cultured.

- Rosie Jones' prize initially had me thinking "I'm sorry, but Josh Widdicombe ruined tattoo-based task fulfillment for everyone else, way back in season one. This would be fine out of context, but in context, no temporary tattoo will ever look any good next to his permanent sacrifice for Taskmaster." But by the end of her explanation, she had me more on board. Threatening to kill someone for a couple of prize task points is pretty good.

-

This has always been true. I'm just sorry it took the TV industry until you were almost 50 years old to realize it, Zaltor the Merciless (by the way, let's bring back that nickname).

- Bad art of a bad ass. I knew you wouldn't let me down, Zaltor. Four episodes in, and his prizes are a sea of lies, puns, and one that's just an historical reference.

- Not fair scoring. Emma and Babatunde's prizes were both better than Jack's.

- Ed mentioned on the podcast that there was a continuous argument with Andy Zaltzman about how far to take the costume, when he wanted it into the realms of the impractical. It appears he won on this day, as he enters the task with not just the helmet on but the face mask down, gloves on, bat in hand. Good day to be Zaltor.

- Oh, I like this. Nice simple task with lots of different ways to interpret it, a bit more time than usual (half an hour is a lot for the UK version, this days). This has the "vibe" of one of the NZ tasks, in a good way.

-

...Jack, are you under the impression that the stuff you've already said about how "identity politics" and "cancel culture" and "mental health problems becoming too fashionable these days" (I might be particularly annoyed about that last one at the moment) are ruining society isn't enough in that direction to make people dislike you? You probably don't need to push the envelope a lot further than that, we get the idea.

-

- I've recently re-watched the TV show Starstruck, and I'm pleased to see that Emma Sidi in real life is the same person as her character on that show.

- ...Zaltor, I would like to apologize for not having assumed that your full costume was complete with the jock strap. Obviously that was there too.

- I like Emma's literal interpretation, but this seems like a case where you maybe do want to steal from previous seasons, perhaps Rob Beckett with the pea. Just put the envelope in a wheelbarrow and push it around the garden for the whole time. Or, if you want to argue that "farthest" means it ends up far away and not just that it moves a lot, leave the grounds and push it down the sidewalk for 30 minutes.

- Now that I know Emma's outfit is meant to be Cluzo, I can see it so clearly. Like I said before, it's a perfect character to invoke. Hey, I've just remembered I have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands for a while, I should actually re-watch those movies.

...Oh God, they're going to be racist, aren't they? I remember that when I was a kid, because I loved the Pink Panther movies so much, my dad showed me another Peter Sellers movie The Party, and I know I definitely should not go back to that one, the racism in that one was overt enough to be quite clear even in my memory ~25 years later. Pink Panther can't be as bad as that, can it? I might have to find out. I'm sure Jack Dee would say that even asking this question is ruining society.

- Oh look! Rosie Jones is making chocolate milk (apparently, according to those barbarians in Britain).

- Oh, no, according to Greg in the studio, it's actually a smoothie. I was joking about it being chocolate milk because it's not actually that, but it's definitely not a smoothie either. British people need to sort out their drinks labels.

- This is a bit weird, but for some reason, this shot of the house before Jack Dee comes outside is the first time since I've started watching this season that I've had a moment of: "Oh my God! I know that place! I saw it! I saw that house!"

Taken when I was in London on July 30, 2024:

I saw it! The little TM on the door! I walked beside those hedges! That's so cool!

- ...I'm not a fan of Jack Dee, and therefore, I'm not a fan of having to admit that he is doing exactly what I saw a few minutes ago I thought would be the correct way to do this task. Down to using the wheelbarrow. Fine, he gets credit for that.

I am, however, a big fan of getting to say: I saw this! I saw that road he's walking down! I walked all along there! If you follow that along the river for about 25 minutes, you get to the bandstands where they did location tasks in the earlier seasons!

Jack Dee:

Taken by me on July 30, 2024:

Annoyingly I don't have a picture of the exact spot where Jack is walking in that picture, slightly further along. But it's pretty close.

- Jack Dee:

My picture:

I mean, that's fucking cool. It's a lovely walk.

- ...Yeah, Jack Dee's attempt was fun. The editors get some credit here too though, nice choice with the music and shooting it like a reflective movie scene.

- This could be a Bugle monologue. The stuff Andy Zaltzman is shouting at that inanimate object, I could absolutely see a character in his Bugle lies shouting that at something. It turns out that Zaltor the Merciless has been pushing the envelope for years!

- Interesting choice for Babatunde to put milk in the envelope and then reveal that he can't drink milk.

- I can't get over how much fun Andy Zaltzman is having on this show.

Closest we'll see Andy come to breaking apart a cow, given that he wasn't there on that one night in 2003.

- That should have been one point for Baba and two for Emma. Emma did push it, just not very far. Baba hardly did anything. A bowl isn't even that different from an envelope, he didn't push it literally and he barely pushed it metaphorically.

- I'd have gone five points to Andy and four to Jack because Andy pushed it in two different ways ("pushed the envelope" into telling him the information, the way a cop might "push" any suspect into a confession; and "pushed the envelope" by using extreme rule-breaking methods to get that confession) while Jack only used one. But they were both good, to be fair, I don't have a big problem with doing it the way Greg did.

- Going with the hot dog costume on a location task, that's an interesting choice. I'd speculate about the logic behind that choice if I thought there was any rhyme or reason to Baba's decisions on this show.

- How appropriate. A creepy Halloween-type task for the creepy abandoned theme park location (since the first episode, I have learned that it is Thorpe Park, which is definitely not abandoned, but they've still done a very good job so far of making it look like a creepy abandoned theme park in the location tasks - a place that seems like enormous fun to run around doing tasks, probably less fun to attend as an actual theme park).

- Laugh all the time and don't walk too fast - I need to take back what I said about them not adapting the tasks for Rosie Jones. This one was clearly created to just be what she does anyway. Good stuff.

- Where are they? Does Thorpe Park have an actual maze, or house of mirrors or something, where they're doing this? Or did they build a whole creepy maze just for this task?

- I love Emma having no time for Alex's bullshit. Nope, not playing your creepy maze game. Let's get out of the horror movie.

- A few attempts in, and I'm getting the impression that this task isn't great for opportunities for the cast to be funny or show creativity, but is mainly made for a lot of opportunities for creepy shots of various people walking around a maze like an horror movie. Which is also fun. Sometimes the editors have to have fun too.

- Wait, they're letting Babatunde get away with that? I watched to the end of the task before writing this, since I assumed they'd penalize him. That was definitely running in the maze, he broke that rule hard. Andy sped up for maybe two seconds right at the end, Baba sped up for ages. They could all have done it in thirty seconds if they'd been allowed to run like that (...except possibly Rosie). Absolute bullshit, especially as it's getting doubled.

- I like "It's a wind-up" turning into a catchphrase for Emma Sidi. Good Taskmaster catchphrase.

- I also enjoy the running theme of Emma Sidi being incredibly supportive of Rosie Jones, all the time, no matter what Rosie is yelling about. I noticed it several times over the first few episodes.

- This is one of those tasks where the criteria is about number of errors rather than "fastest wins", so I'd take ages trying to guess the pattern before starting, and probably run into the fifteen-minute time limit. I'd probably also run around the house looking for clues before picking anything.

- I see Baba and Jack are also borrowing from early seasons, going for the Frank Skinner with the pie approach. Just try to magically sense what's in there with no strategy whatsoever.

- Ohhh, I see. Don't trust sound people and make-up artists becuase they're sneaking a locket into your pocket. To be fair to Baba and Jack I don't know if I'd have gotten that any faster; I was thinking there would be some alphabetical pattern.

- Rosie Jones straight-up robbing the crew. That's why they booked her.

- Oh, that's rough for Rosie, getting penalized for picking five pockets of her own, even after working out that it was on her, before finding the locket. Basically losing out because she happened to choose an outfit that's full of pockets.

- Well I'm pleased that this time it was Andy, not Jack, who had the same instinct as I did. Run around outside the lab, looking for clues, before picking any pockets at all. Unfortunately, it appeared to yield nothing. Good try by bringing in a bit of wood and seeing if he can claim it's a locket, though. I like Alex sounding slightly annoyed when replying "It's not a locket and it wasn't in a pocket." Like he's had enough of Andy's bullshit throughout these tasks.

- Oh, they brought back the Richard Red Herring from season 13! That's fun.

- Alex rolling his eyes after Andy announces "I'll use [my remaining 4.5 minutes] wisely" is pretty funny too. Come on, Zaltor, you can do it! You're so close, by saying you know it needs to be "an alternative pocket".

- This image should be the Taskmaster promo poster:

- Andy's slow journey from being sure he can find useful clues, to trying to come up with lateral locket definitions, to saying he never liked lockets and giving up, is even more of a "tragic old man reflective movie scene" than Jack's walk along the river.

- Emma! Yes, you go, Emma! That's actually quite an Inspector Cluzo move, to not do anything but just accidentally fall into getting the correct answer. I was thinking that during the earlier attempts, too - there must have been time between the crew sneaking it into their pockets, and when they started filming this task. Did these people just never put a hand in their pocket in the intervening time? I'm constantly reaching in my pockets to make sure all my stuff is where it should be. Fucking right, Emma.

- I was thinking this was quite a classic Andy Zaltzman approach, trying to come up with a new definition for "locket", but I had no idea how Zaltzman he'd gone until he revealed in the studio that he considered checking in a snooker club.

This was what I wanted when the season 18 names were first announced - to get the joy of seeing people who don't already know Andy Zaltzman, react to Andy Zaltzman. But I was thinking about seeing that on Tumblr, and maybe occasionally having a peek at the subreddit. It hadn't thought about how much fun it would be just to look at the contestants' faces, such as these ones when Andy explains that he thought the answer might be snooker:

I've been hugely enjoying Emma in the studio throughout this season. Her defences of her own prizes and task attempts are always fun, very eager and earnest and insistent. I also like how quick she is to jump in and defend Rosie Jones all the time. And it's fun how she seems to frequently be the opposite of Andy, just shocked that he could ever think any of this is a good idea. (A view that she confirmed on last week's podcast, saying she called Andy a prick in the studio even though she basically agreed with him, but "He was annoying me.")

- Even more references to older seasons in the live task, with Patatas the cat being back once again. I briefly wondered if that monster is the one from the season 10 live task, but I've checked that task description and it's not the same.

- ...Have now finished watching the live task, still don't really understand what was meant to happen. I guess they were supposed to take longer than that to get to 22. I also guess that live tasks are the only ones they can't drop from the edit if they turn out not to work. All right. These things happen.

- Well that was a good time. Can't wait to hear Andy on the podcast explain why he never puts his hands in his pockets. And the nice thing about having a breakdown that delays my Taskmaster watching by five days is I only have to wait two for the next one! That's good.

[ratherembarrassing]

2024: weeks 33 through 35

life hard, etc. here is an accumulation of things.

taskmaster new zealand, season 5. i'm enjoying this so much i had added it to my note for this list twice. there's also this weird element where jeremy taskmaster is the kiwi version of one of the partners i work for, and it's fucking weird.

am i ok? (2022, tig notaro and stephanie allynne). embarrassingly relatable, don't look at me.

the big lebowski (1998, the coen brothers). i am engaging in this vague task of watching things that i know i have seen but have no substantive memory of. sometimes: fun! this time: christ, what a trial.

smartypants episode 109. tao's charcuterie tier list was the worst tier list ever constructed and he should be proud of that.

'emotional blackmail' by joan didion (nov, 1962). savage. no one would write this in 2024, but they should.

random work related social activities. pasta making was involved, and it was both good and delicious? i think i'm a pasta chef now. also we spent half a weekend in lorne, which involved ocean sounds (good) and also google maps sent me in such a way home that i drove over both the westgate and the bolte bridge (bad) and during the second bridge crossing a truck with an evergreen shipping container on it drifted over in front of me and i did worry for my life for half a second.

dulce de leche pumpkin pie danish (falco). i think i should just marry the concept of pastries.

sportsball, always sportsball. tdff happened, the paralympics is happening and aflw has returned.

a very expensive haircutandcolour. that's a given, but while getting a post-haircutandcolour potato cake from the fish and chippie i also got a parking fine in the 3 minutes i was out of parking meter.

a friend had a baby! i am almost past baby-having age and it is still so shocking that this is a thing people do!

other things people do: people send me chappell roan memes now, but this one is by far the best, and also this one isn't a meme, it's just fucking good.

[traitorleech]

taskmaster series 16 finale. it's here, guys! i am so not prepared to let the cast go. it's been a great time, though.

what the fuck has happened to sam's hair? & he's not in grey. he's finally got enough xp to unlock colour apparently.

ah. the live bit.

"fidgeting will otter a man down"

"but where are all these beavers"

untaffled.

"fair play to the boy" the live bit goes on.

"that's filthy, that's filthy, ... that's filthy" susan is me in a lot of situations.

ok, now i just think lucy's lost her fucking mind with that doughnut task. i am shocketh beyond anything. poor alex. but god damn he really ate it. i mean, i'm not surprised but gently disgusted, though as soon as i saw her in a bird's costume, i knew what was coming.

greg keeps bringing up that he and alex were to a wedding where he made him eat a pat of butter.

"i'm not the one who gobbled a beaver's anal gland" alex is on fire in this live episode.

oh my god i'm so in love with sue's doughnut task. i screamed when the doughnut hit.

julian making alex kneel. julian making alex kneel. i repeat. julian making alex kneel & then eating the doughnut & spitting it at alex.

susan is fucking insane.

"but once i'd started i knew he was gonna get it." thank you for your service, julian. i enjoyed it too much.

"let's gaffer me up real good"

THEY HAVE ALL LOST THEIR MINDS

oh are they gonna get dqed if they leave the work out mat? no. apparently not. i am gonna say missed opportunity but i think that would have made it less fun, actually.

sue beating alex up with a ball. on brand.

julian groaning. i am so sorry but i do find it quite erotic.

it was julian who's beating alex with the boxing gloves. oh my fucking god i wouldn't have believed it. my prediction was wrong.

why did they bleep what julian said. i wanna know what julian said (probably cunt or something)

alex in a leather jacket & black t-shirt is so hot. why is he stripping again?! ah. dressing gown.

"i prefer alex" a sentence that hasn't been said very often on this show. probably never.

susan dying over alex's forks and marbles.

oh my god i'm enjoying the sues way too much in the hotel task. they really should do a show where they're managing a bnb. i'd fucking watch it.

i'm cry-laughing right now. oh my god. my stomach hurts. i think the hotel task might be my favourite task of all time. hide the pineapple has been brought down (if this was my favourite before. don't know).

all three of them looking in on alex through the window. i don't know. cracks me up.

"nice legs" "i don't think that's appropriate"

oh my god. i think they annoyed each other so badly. alex didn't manage to be the difficult one. they all were. though greg was right with julian managing the lunatics & then making alex pay 300 quid.

"hello, cutie." greg throwing alex off once again via nicknames.

greg's really feeling the final task. so adorable.

"so it is possible, which is a relief" well...

they're all holding hands.

didn't think julian would win the episode. but he did pretty badly in the final task. but sam won. which was my prediction. so. yeah. and no more secret tasks. i really can't believe it's over. had so much fun watching it week to week, though i gotta admit that i know no one from the nyt line-up reveal.

[lastweeksshirttonight]

IDK what The Horne Section is about, but having John Oliver is gonna reel me in lol

Hopefully I can summarize this in a sensible way for you anon! (Also forgive me if you already knew any of this!)

"Little" Alex Horne is a British comedian who is objectively most famous for creating the internationally popular exercise-in-psychological-torture-cum-panel-show Taskmaster. The UK version just announced the cast for its 18th season. If you aren't familiar with Taskmaster, this is a pretty good intro to the tenor of this show.

Horne is also part of a band called The Horne Section, where he and his friends have made comedic songs on and off since about 2010. There's a radio show from 2012-2014, a podcast, and a few albums.

(I am not super familiar with their work ngl. It's on the backlog pile along with the entire works of like seventy comedians, the Disney Animated Canon, and 5 video games I started then abandoned for more Civ/MLB the Show time. ADHDDDDDDDDDDD)

On the back of Taskmaster exploding in popularity globally, in 2022, The Horne Section expanded into a six-episode TV show. I know I am fairly biased/literally sat through every Smurfs movie for John Oliver, but if you like Office-style awkward/cringe humour, this show is an absolute delight. I cannot overestimate how much this show had me laughing so hard I was crying.

The show is relatively easy to find online - hope you enjoy it!

Also, if you haven't, you really should watch Taskmaster. The UK version is still the best in my mind, but New Zealand and Australia are amazing in their own right.

[panelshowsource]

saved a few anons asking personal questions not all related to panel shows, spamming answers below the cut :)

she/her!

interesting question! first, i think it's very special that you had the opportunity to study at an international university and i am glad to hear you had so many amazing experiences!

i also feel like i need to preface anything i say with... holidays are obviously different from living, and i hope people can trust that i wouldn't base an entire lifestyle decision off, like, being a fan of taskmaster lmao the state of politics, brexit, housing, prejudice, and more make it difficult to say i'd want to commit to life there — plus i really love new york city, where i do feel at home

that said, i would be open to living in the uk for a period of time, yes. i am certainly very motivated to visit a lot of places, particularly in england, and decided last year to start spending a month or two over there every year (this year i think i will be in york! maybe i can post a little about that if people care). the history and motivations behind that decision are really personal to me, but it feels...right. i am really looking forward to my time there this year and treasure being someone who works remotely and can make that happen

living permanently, it's hard to say, but speaking for my interests in history, architecture, art, cinema — it would be wonderful to explore those things more in person, yes!

i really think in the 6+ years of this blog this is the first i've ever been asked about music! which makes sense ofc it just took me by surprise!

hmmm i think this playlist most accurately expresses what i'm listening to a lot of the time + a lot a lot a lot of classical music, some dad rock, and a few balladeers like judy garland and rufus wainwright

i don't claim to be the world's biggest comedy buff or keep up the best with all of the comedy coming out of the uk and american industries — even though i do enjoy it so much! — but growing up i was very interested in comedy writing. in high school, i worked at a dvd store where people could trade in their old dvds for store credit to buy new ones, so we had a HUGE selection of not only new releases but older, sometimes nicher stuff that you typically wouldn't see at a suburban american blockbuster-like shop. i can't stress how formative this was! i would always go through the store and "beautify" the shelves (pulling all the spines up neatly, keeping everything alphabetised, etc) just to constantly look through what we had in stock, grab the old black bar criterion films before some movie buff snatched them up, touch all the special editions (physical releases were more than just steelbooks back then, like stuff like this). each of the employees had a little shelf in the back room where you could store dvds you wanted to buy when you eventually had the money, keeping them off the floor so no customer would see and buy them. i was always reserving 30+ dvds at a time and spent my whole paychecks at work hahaha

anyways, that's how i found a lot of the random british films i ended up loving — by people trading them in or me just running across them at the store: a cock and bull story, death at a funeral, this is england, gosford park, monty python, (particularly holy grail and life of brian), confetti (didn't love this one but it had a lot of actors i really liked in it so i remember watching it quite a few times) and more — but especially withnail and i and in the loop. i was fucking obsessed with in the loop, which i watched on a loop (zing!) and was ultimately how i worked my way backwards to the thick of it as well as shows like the office uk, alan partridge, green wing, fry and laurie, peep show, and more. (the thick of it and peep show were particularly everything to me!) i still have all of the dvds from the dvd store i worked at! lol

in terms of american comedy, i was obsessed with the state and then their groups' projects like wet hot american summer and reno 911 (michael showalter is a great example of a writer/director i don't think is one of the greats but follows his heart & vision, and i really respect that; my fave of his, which is genuinely so good, is hello my name is doris! underrated lil treasure). i also really loved it's always sunny, flight of the conchords, party down, arrested development, jackass and wild boys, and house md, and some of the wild characters on bravo lmao. we had this channel called logo that was my lifeline to queer content before i really had full-time access to the internet outside of a shared family computer, so i was always watching reruns of jeffrey & cole casserole, the big gay sketch show, plus the l word and queer as folk, and they also did syndication of reno 911 (but i already had all the box sets of that 😭). i was never heavy into the judd apatow/bro comedy that was so big in the 2000s, and even the 80s–90s american comedy heavily influenced by the talent at snl wasn't particularly engaging to me; of that, my favourites were probably throw momma from the train and a couple of romcoms

+ every panel show i could get my hands on! and i think because i was really engaged with sketch comedy i was also reading a lot of playwrights, especially alan bennett, harold pinter, and edward albee, who i had (and have!) huge collections of

and, yes, so many of these are at the foundation of my very favourite formats and styles of comedy: mockumentaries , black comedy or dark comedy, existential comedy, stories rooted in reality or plausibility / domestic dramedy. i used to be very engaged by sketch comedy and wanted to crack the science behind writing funny sketches, but i do think i've moved away from that format and filled that void with the improv nature of panel shows (it works for me the way i think the format of podcasts work for so many other people... i wonder if anyone will relate to that comparison)

comedy evolves so much by the decade and i appreciate a lot of the ways in which it has grown, so i don't think of it as a then vs now, which is better, whatever. and like you i can't help but revisit my nostalgic faves often!

i do think eventually he will! but rn he's lapping up that tv money hahaha my very fave is firing cheeseballs at a dog, but they're all genuinely great!

[wonkyelk]

Get to know you game! Answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to know better!

Thanks to @massharp1971 for tagging me! 😘

Last song listened to?

Listening to the Magnus Archives introduced me to The Mechanisms, and now I’m just a little bit hopelessly addicted.

The last song I listened to was the last track on Tales to be Told, Vol 2: Swan Song.

Currently reading

As well as browsing through the Stargate Atlantis and Magnus Archive fandoms, have just started rereading The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins, which is my cuddly familiar teddy bear of a book.

Currently watching

Having finished the last UK series of Taskmaster, am now working my way through the New Zealand version. Nothing like sheer, enthusiastic absurdity to help the day go a little better.

Currently obsessed with

The Magnus Archives, The Magnus Protocol, The Mechanisms, Stargate Atlantis, Taskmaster, Buster Keaton and writing.

tagging (but please ignore if you’re not interested): @trainofcommand, @stargayatlantis, @gingerpolyglot, @stinalotte, @dedkake, @hero-in-waiting and anyone else who reads this and wants to share. 💗

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (21-27 Jul 2024)

it is objectively 50% more hilarious when alex comes for someone's neck. them deciding to kick izzy's character when she was down was *chef's kiss*

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🙂 Look sometimes you just wanna spend a hot Sunday reading porny omegaverse crack. The heart (or whatever organ) wants what the heart wants. I went thru 3 Lacey Daize KU offerings (all novellas): Team's Omega (Gimme MMMMMore #1) [15K] & Neighbors' Omega (Gimme MMMMMore #2) [18K], both porny omegaverse poly crack and Breedable Boys from Outer Space [20K] which honestly? not enough breeding of Boys from Outer Space! like, girl, we're here for one thing!

🥰 (i'll keep) my tongue behind my teeth (greatunironic) - 40K steddie modern AU where they both move back to Hawkins for their 2nd acts in life - REALLY LOVED THIS - loved the backstories! loved the supporting characters esp Heather (hilarious). You can see the miscommunication/angst coming but it's so right for the character I wasn't mad about it! (miscommunication done badly is one of my personal bugbears). The reconciliation was equally believable. And the sex was super hot: visceral, wet, messy.

🥰 from love, obviously (bizarrestars) - 52K drarry - very funny, great characterizations, stayed up too late to finish which is always a compliment to a fic

😊 The Queen of Poisons (The Marlow Murder Club #3) (Robert Thorogood, author; Nicolette McKenzie, narrator) - still loving the characters - I am fully 75% of the way to becoming Judith tbh. didn't love the fatphobia element, even as the text made an attempt to rebuke it. like. just don't. but wasn't enough to spoil the experience entirely.

😍 I'll Light Your Way Home series (BeaArthurPendragon) - 61K, no powers Vietnam era au - just fucking love this series; both characterizations are incredible, their journey together is great -

💖💖 +174K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Frost Caught Fire On Our Lips (the1918, author; kocuria-arts (kocuria), artist) - MCU: stucky, 7K - short, hot, Bucky works at a diner, Steve comes thru on the regular

in the heat of the summer (you know that you should be my boy) (greatunironic) - Stranger Things: steddie, 17K - LOVED THIS - rockstar Eddie thirsts on main for Olympic swimmer Steve

the valentine experience (greatunironic) - Stranger Things: steddie, 15K - "In which Mike and Eddie have a bet, Steve is the victim of circumstance, and he's not super mad about it."

baby what's the scene? (carbonbased000) - Stranger Things: steddie, 8K - great fic! - "Horny in Indy. 5’11’’, long hair, tats, Top wants bottom, 20-30. Into athletic types, good boys, roleplay, bondage. Tell me your fantasies & let me hurt you just the way you like. Write to: Ed, Box #2177 . Or: Steve responds to a personal ad and has an extremely casual hook-up."

Savage God (LenneWithMilkAndHoney, PottersPink) - MCU: stucky, 36K - absolutely fantastic alt timeline AU where 2014 WS Bucky spends 3 days in 1936 with preserum Steve

Let Me Be Your Good Night (indelicate) - Stranger Things: steddie, 9K - "Or, Steve interrupts Eddie’s hookup and comforts him through a subdrop after. That's how it starts." (OMG they were ROOMMATES)

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Taskmaster - s12, e6-10; s13, e1-2

Make Some Noise - s3, e3

Dropout Presents: Bigger! With Brennan and Izzy

Thousandaires - s1, e5

D20: Never Stop Blowing Up - "Double Death Doggy Style" (s22, e5)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Ziggy Zany Yeah" (s17, e5)

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

99% Invisible - The Power Broker #07: Sec. Pete Buttigieg

Overinvested - Ep. 302: AMC's Interview with the Vampire

Consider This - 'Twister,' 'Twisters' and the actual practice of storm chasing

You're Dead to Me - LGBTQ Life in Weimar Germany

Re: Dracula - July 22: Rough Weather

NPR's Book of the Day - Griffin Dunne's memoir chronicles fame, art and tragedy in his Hollywood upbringing

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Meet the Man Who Sets America’s Living Rooms on Fire

The Sporkful - Cookbooks That Need ‘The Grandma Disclaimer’ (Live)

Imaginary Worlds - Fantasy and Fascism & Fantasy and Fascism Part II: When Democracy Fails

Short Wave - Outer Space Changes You, Literally. Here's What It Does To The Human Body

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Three great karaoke songs

Switched on Pop - Is country the new hip hop?

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - The Arrow Stork

Re: Dracula - July 24: There Will be Some Trouble

Vibe Check - Hold Onto Your Wigs

Short Wave - Dancing Yeti Crabs, Morphing Cuttlefish, Other Stories From The Deep Sea

⭐ Code Switch - The return of the U.S.'s oldest drag king

⭐ It's Been a Minute - 'Cats: The Jellicle Ball' gets 10s across the board

99% Invisible - The 2024 Olympics Spectacular

NPR's Book of the Day - Khushbu Shah's cookbook 'Amrikan' honors the Indian American diaspora

Pop Culture Happy Hour - In The Decameron, the Black Death makes for black comedy

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Our Lives Through Hollywood’s Eyes

Shedunnit - Christianna Brand's Impossible Crimes

You Are Good - Do the Right Thing w. Ify Nwadiwe

Our Opinions Are Correct - Dinosaurs and Furries, with Riley Black

Re: Dracula - July 26: Just Starting for Home

What Next: TBD - Is Silicon Valley Trump-Vance Country?

Dear Prudence - My Brother-In-Law’s Girlfriend Wore A Transparent Dress To My Wedding. Help!

Dear Prudence - Prudie Plus: I Came Home From Errands and My Fiance Got A Dog. Help!

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Deadpool & Wolverine and what's making us happy

It's Been a Minute - Olympic hurdles for women athletes; plus, big trucks and big questions

Today, Explained - Breaking the Olympics

Endless Thread - The American Lean

Re: Dracula - July 27: No News

Hit Parade - The Bridge: Getting Hot in Herre

Re-Creative - Tanya Davis and Dirty Dancing

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Shaun Cassidy Radio • Upbeat

Soft Rock Ballads

Rob Zombie

Rock Sugar

Iron Maiden Radio • Popular • Familiar

Reinas

Old-School Reggaeton

The Go-Go's

The Donnas

[lunar-years]

if/when you watch taskmaster you should liveblog it

Full disclosure I am absolutely awful at watching tv shows (I am still working my way through the season of Bridgerton I started a month ago lmao) but it’s definitely on my list and I’ll hopefully watch it eventually haha

[bestworstcase]

also, while i am asterisking My Theory on what the ever after is until/unless it’s confirmed, at this point i am 100% dead certain that IF the brothers had a hand in creating this place, it was only dark. most of the theorizing i’ve seen on the subject arrives at the opposite conclusion largely on the basis of the ever after being strictly regimented and ‘orderly’ but… honestly i think people are reading way too much into the emphasis on purpose and in particular reading that emphasis through the lens of what such a cultural fixation would suggest about a society in a more reality-adjacent setting.

that was a natural assumption based on what we knew before the volume started airing, but i don’t think it holds up at all! here’s what we know so far about how the ever after works:

1. it’s a hodgepodge of drastically different worlds put together like a “mixed up puzzle” with no rhyme or reason; the only discernible natural law is that every acre caters to the specific needs of its residents

2. there are absolutely zero obstacles impeding travel between different acres. the physical borders are unguarded and spanned by large, sturdy bridges which connect the main thoroughfares of different acres; there are no laws or social taboos against leaving one’s home acre and travel back and forth between adjacent ones is common enough for denizens to build reputations spanning multiple different acres (e.g. the peddler), and no one has taken the slightest issue with little traveling across entire acres. and not only is there no prohibition against travel, it seems to be actively encouraged by the fact that there is an entire acre dedicated to journeys of self-discovery; the ever after enshrines personal growth and change as an inevitable and invaluable part of life.

3. we have now met half a dozen notable denizens: the peddler, grown visibly older than his description in the storybook and fully content as he is; the jabberwalker, far more timid than his intimidating appearance would suggest, who seemingly spends his time roaming other acres in search of a way to “fix” his own; little, a child who quite happily goes around exploring and making new friends without any sense of anxiety or pressure about the fact that they haven’t found their purpose yet; the red prince, once a king, whose sense of purpose was so badly shaken that he fell backwards in time and became a child again to rediscover himself; the herbalist, who is serenely certain of both his purpose and the inevitability one day he will become something else, and who just bounces when he realizes he’s become stuck in a workaholic rut…

…and the cat, whose purpose is curiosity and who appears to spend their time rambling around alternately pestering interesting people and intervening when other denizens become TOO fixated on their ‘purpose’. the red prince’s purpose is to ‘win his game at any cost,’ but when his desperation to win causes him to spiral into a blind fury, the cat steps in to soothe him (“you must be so distraught”) and remind him to consider the consequences of acting rashly out of anger (“if you behead them, you might not ever get them back”). likewise, when the herbalist acts out his purpose by rote and hurts ruby by pushing her into a trial she isn’t ready for, the cat comes to her rescue and entreats the herbalist to remember himself (“you’re supposed to be helping others find their way, but you’ve lost your own”). contrary to the emerging theories that the cat is some sort of overseer or taskmaster who enforces the roles other denizens must play, the cat actively questions the nature and meaning of those roles and has twice now resolved the conflict of an episode by encouraging the notional antagonist to think and act OUTSIDE of their stated roles, to reconsider their choices from a more complex and nuanced perspective.

4. the cat trashes the brothers, light especially. “who thought that was a helpful way to reincarnate? the same people who put a city in the sky? […] those brothers! talk about a god complex!”—the god of light interpreted salem kneeling before him with tears in her eyes to ask “please bring him back” as demanding and selfish (literally “you demand of me”), cursed her for eternity and has been nursing a grudge for millions of years because she prayed to his brother after he turned her away, co-signed the annihilation of every human on the face of the planet to punish her for rebelling against him, and is still holding salem’s defiance as a blade over the whole world’s neck because her refusal to grovel obediently at his feet infuriated him so much. the cat is powerful and knowledgeable and seems to be very fond of—or at least very intrigued by—humans, and when they hear the story of remnant’s gods they scoff at light’s ineptitude and arrogance. you think THE CAT is a being appointed by the god of light to enforce order?!?

5. more generally, the ever after is a dozen or so mini-worlds floating on top of a formless white void; a dark and stormy acre runs up against a sunny tropical beach which is stacked against an acre of rolling red fields and green skies which is next to an old-growth forest stuffed to the gills with bioluminescent fungi. the physical transitions between different acres are so stark that they literally split the sky in half, stormy night to golden noon. intense despair causes tiny spontaneous thunderstorms. one acre is populated by a throng of oversized mice. the next one over is populated chiefly by animate wooden figurines and toys. attempting to walk towards the tree traps you in an infinite loop of maybe ten or fifteen paces but if you walk in the same general direction without focusing on the tree you’re able to move freely. it has been implied that the tree itself is ambulatory or at least metaphorically capable of movement. the jabberwalker glitches when he moves. the cat can phase in and out of existence at will and sometimes splits in half for no apparent reason other than that they feel like it. the ever after is not a sensible world. it runs on metaphor and emotion and narrative without regard for logic or coherency; it is not orderly. it defies order.

the god of light claims dominion over the powers of creation, but he is not imaginative or innovative in the slightest; every time salem fails to do what he wants her to do, he cracks down harder, piles on more suffering, and expects her to submit, and in the eons since he and his brother abandoned remnant he still has yet to realize the obvious error in his thinking or even just let it go. he is portrayed in ‘the two brothers’ as a rigidly inflexible authoritarian who does not understand the world his brother created and makes no effort to learn (the story credits dark with creation of the moon, deserts, mountains, earthquakes, and volcanoes—which is to say, the god of darkness is responsible for nearly all of the fundamental natural processes required to support life; plate tectonics, tides, weather, biodiversity… and the god of light complains that these things ‘spoil’ the planet); his ideal world is a lush plain of undifferentiated green with grazing animals wandering over it. put plainly i do not think the god of light is even capable of creating a place as complicated and varied as the ever after without his brother’s help, and by “help” what i mean is “dark doing almost all of the actual work” because that is explicitly what happened during the creation of remnant. (and ‘the two brothers’ is pro-light religious propaganda, so if this is the most flattering spin ozma could come up with…)

in contrast—if the ever after is divine in origin, which i really don’t think it is at this point—its haphazard, malleable, mixed-up-puzzle nature feels like something you might plausibly end up with if the god of darkness set out to make a world all by himself, unfettered by his brother’s restraint. dark is also capricious, emotionally-driven, interested in humans (<- explicit in ‘the two brothers’ and supported by his initial reaction to salem in the lost fable), capable of empathy and kindness (<- he does salem a favor because her grief resonated with his loneliness and he wanted to reward her faith in him; likewise his cruelty towards her later is motivated by the sense of betrayal when he’s convinced that she took advantage of his desire for connection), and appears to have weathered at least one rebellion prior to salem’s without throwing any world-destroying tantrums about it (<- rip to the knight who tried to kill god and got run through with his own sword and tossed out to rot on the front porch), so of the pair he seems the likelier by far to tolerate the cat openly mocking them.

[rovermcfly]

in times like these I am just overflowing with love for the people who make their content freely available on youtube and despite the economy™ still find every way to continue to do that without going out of business, which I KNOW is hard. Crash Course, SciShow, PBS and Co leading the pack for me because they're providing free quality education, but also "just" entertainment like Drawfee and video essayists like Hbomberguy, Defunctland, Quinton Reviews and companies Team Starkid. Also shows like Taskmaster that are TV shows that go against the norm in the business and upload every episode onto YouTube a day after airing. Heck, even people like the Girl With The Dogs who even grooms the pets for free now because the audience support allows her to do that.

And this is only scratching the surface. But what they all have in common is that their success is built on the mutual respect and love between creators and audiences. There is a trust there, I enjoy supporting people like them through Patreon and such because I see value in their work and I want to help make sure it can stay freely available because I know they want to keep it that way too and honor that support, and value my input.

And whenever their vision ends up diverging from my tastes too much, there are no hard feelings, I never feel shamed for removing my financial support and I'm grateful for the transparency and honesty and glad they can do something they're passionate about, because for every me that doesn't really vibe with a new direction, there are just as many others who have been waiting for it and pitch in in my place. They all have their own unique communities, built on the common interest in what the creators enjoy making, strengthened by the mutual respect and love. And that's unbelievably valuable and worth supporting.

[mr-saavik]

@laevateinn tagged me in "9 people I'd like to know better" thank you Victor!!! :)

Last song: Crosseyed and Painless by Talking Heads. Specifically the live version from Stop Making Sense which has become a comfort album in the past handful of months for me.

Currently watching: god what am I NOT watching. With my sister Sara @colors-changing-hue I am: watching The X Files for the first time in fits and starts. Near the beginning of a Hannibal rewatch. About halfway through a Taskmaster rewatch. Near the end of the youtube series No More Jockeys. We also occasionally watch Doctor Who with a friend who is seeing it for the first time. On my own I'm at The Return portion of my Twin Peaks rewatch. I also tend to watch a lot of movies. Ok I think thats it. WAIT Sara and I are also watching new episodes of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds as they come out.

Currently reading: Destroy All Monsters by Jeff Jackson physically and about to start Scorched Grace by Margot Douaihy on audio because I finished Siren Queen by Nghi Vo on audio last night

Current obsession: oooo interesting I don't know if I have any particularly new obsessions.... Star Trek and Twin Peaks (and David Lynch more broadly) have been constant latent obsessions with Hannibal bubbling more to the surface now that I'm rewatching it, I've also been very consistently into crocheting and am currently working on a cool colorwork project from a vintage pattern I saw on tumblr, but these are all things I've liked for about a year or more. Maybe I could say No More Jockeys is a current obsession but less in a "I think about this all the time and/or engage in fan work" way and more in a "I've been sick and spent a lot of time watching this" sort of way.

I'm going to tag @lesbiancassius @pamplemoube @sofyarostova @solsburyhill1977 @princesskuragina @fifthlydoyoudream @narratorstragedy @suits-of-woe and @jonbinary but only if y'all want to :)

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Trigger warning for a bunch of shit and I am genuinely sorry that I can't parse out what, if in doubt just probably stay away from it altogether.

I keep reading about people being glad they quit drinking because of all these negative experiences with alcohol, and I just hardly had any of those, I always had fun when I drank, and not in a wild do things I regret way, just it was nice to sit and relax and listen to music. And sometimes I’d get really emotional and sometimes that emotion would be sad or angry but usually that was stuff I was feeling anyway and couldn’t express sober so I would feel better for having got drunk and get to properly feel it.

The one thing – the one really big negative effect of alcohol that I got all the time and really wanted it to stop – was the psychological hangover the next day, where I’d spent all morning and most of the afternoon being convinced that I’d been a terrible person the night before, that if I’d interacted with anyone in any way from a message to a Tumblr post or God forbid in person I’d said something horrifyingly wrong and should be ashamed of that, and I’d really really hate myself. Even if objectively all I did was sit in my room listening to music while drinking whiskey. I wanted that to stop. And I figure I have a lot of respect for sober people, I know they make better choices than I do, so maybe if I stop drinking then I can stop having the hangovers where I hate myself and also I’ll just like myself better in general for being the kind of person I respect.

But it’s been so much the opposite. I don't know how much it's from the not drinking or maybe I was just going to have a breakdown this month anyway, but my levels of hating myself have gone through the roof lately. Just yesterday I spent a Sunday convinced that everything I’ve done lately has been drastically wrong and terrible, and I didn’t even need to drink to make it happen. But at least when I feel that way after drinking, I know it has a specific cause and the feeling will wear off as the hangover does. But now I just have that feeling creeping in all the time and there’s not a point where it’ll expire.

Last week at work I had a somewhat scary incident where a kid tried to hurt himself and then I came home and spent all night panicking that I’d dealt with it wrong and was going to get fired for being a terrible person. Then I went into work the next day and my supervisor told me I did a good job and it turned out it was fine. But then the next day didn’t have any particularly bad incidents at work and I still had this immediate regret for everything I did, like I’d immediately have this deep regret about it like the type I get during hangovers, but for something quite normal that I said like five minutes ago.

It’s been escalating for a few weeks, really, and then yesterday I went for brunch with my dad and came home and cried for an hour because I was convinced I’d said something terrible even though I’m pretty sure it was objectively fine. Then I tried to distract myself with Tumblr posts but immediately after became convinced that everything I’d said there was also wrong (and I’m definitely getting that feeling with this one too). And throwing myself into comedy is always my distraction but it’s creeping into that, I was reading stuff on a Taskmaster subreddit and managed to twist that into convincing myself that I was a terrible person because of the kind of comedy I like, which I’m pretty sure this morning is probably not the case but it seemed like a really significant problem yesterday.

Anyway, this escalated quite badly over a few hours and then I [don’t need to actually get into gory details here, maladaptive coping mechanisms but I didn’t drink any alcohol] spiralled really fast into feeling suicidal for the first time in just over a year, and then I get scared because my roommate’s out of town and I don’t have any other friends left to call in a situation like that (I definitely used to have friends that I’d call at a time like that and they could call me at bad times too, but lost touch with basically everyone in the last few years, I had a brief thought that I guess this is why people stay in relationships so they don’t have to be on their own at a time like that but then I realized that if I were still with my ex-girlfriend I’d have canceled on her this weekend because I didn’t feel up to the social expectations of a romantic relationship, in fact when we were together I did cancel on her for reasons like that, and that sort of thing is why it ended, so I guess being in a relationship would not help in this instance), and I was scared that I would hurt myself (more than I already had, again I will spare the details) if I was by myself, so I called a mental health line, and they said if nothing else the physical symptoms I was describing means I should probably go to a hospital, so I did that, and they did some EKGs and stuff to make sure my chest pain and dizziness and numbness was in fact just anxiety, and then they gave me a benzodiazepine and it made me feel quite high, so I guess my streak of being sober for all of 2024 so far is over. It’s been about six years, I think, since I last had anxiety so severe that I went to a hospital. But it was probably the right choice.

I was supposed to work 8-6 today but I woke up and could not get out of bed so I called in sick. Which I am also freaking out about, because that’s exactly what I was afraid would happen when I started working fulltime in person, that I won’t be able to handle it. And you get a certain number of days when this can happen and you can call in and it’s okay, but past that point you can’t keep your job and pay rent anymore. And historically, there have been times when I get like this and its lasts more than one day.

I said I was going to not drink in January because I was trying to use the trick I use on treadmills. I run at a pace where I know I can go about 22 minutes before completely burning out. But that’s a fast enough pace so I’m already really tired by about 4 minutes, and if I’m 4 minutes into a run and tell myself I still have to get to 22, I’ll get overwhelmed about how that’s impossible, I’ll panic about being given an impossible task, my body will dump a bunch of adrenaline from anxiety and then I actually won’t be able to run for as long. So I tell myself that it’s okay if just this once, I stop by 10 minutes, if I really can’t go on. Then I get to 9 minutes and realize I can keep going for a bit, so I say okay, do 13. Then I keep doing that until I eventually end up going for 22.

It was supposed to be like that. If I tell myself I’m going to completely quit drinking forever, I’ll just think that’s impossible and I won’t bother to try, I’ll just start drinking again as soon as it gets hard. So say I’ll do January, that seems possible enough to be worth pushing through the hard parts, and then once I manage that I can extend it. But honestly I underestimated how hard it would be. I figured I’m already down to only drinking twice a week, how hard can it be to go from two to zero? Really hard, turns out.

Because the thing is that you do eventually get to get off the treadmill. While according to this analogy, if I do this right then I have to keep running on a treadmill forever. Alcohol is the only break I get from living in my brain with all the anxiety and regret and hating myself and thinking everything I’ve ever done is wrong, and if I quit drinking then I’m asking myself to go for the entire rest of my life without a break from that, and what happened yesterday is that kind of hit me and made me think in that case I’d really like the rest of my life to not last for all that long. I used to motivate myself to get through stressful days at work by saying I can sit down with whiskey on the weekend and have a break. But now the weekends are also just exercises in trying not to drink, and the next thing in my life that I’m actually looking forward to is a trip to the UK but it doesn’t feel like enough to get me through months with no break.

 I was genuinely convinced yesterday that the type of comedy I like makes me a terrible person. I read some stuff about people who don’t like the same thing I do and I spiralled into the worst explanation for that and I started to panic about every single post I’ve ever made on this blog. That’s the kind of thought I might have the morning after drinking a bunch of alcohol but I’d also be able to slightly step out of it, remind myself that this is an artificial feeling caused by a hangover, and wait for it to go away. I think that’s the biggest part of abstaining from drinking that I didn’t see coming. Didn’t expect that to drastically escalate. No idea why that happened.

It's possible that I underestimated how bad an addiction can still be even if you only do something twice a week, and I shouldn’t have tried to just stop it all at once with no plan or support for it (although it’s not completely true that I have no support, I genuinely think I’d have started drinking again by now if I didn’t have this Tumblr blog to write in and have a bit of an outlet, which is why I’m writing this now even though I already know as soon as I post it I’m going to become convinced that I shouldn’t have put this out there and I’ll regret this too). But I don’t really know what else I’m supposed to do, I don’t have any better ideas.

I keep having dreams where I’m drinking, and they’re just like the dreams I used to have when I was a competitive athlete and cutting weight. We used to have to do all these drastic things in the week before big tournaments to get into a weight class, that involved eating very little for ages and then for the last couple of days not eating or drinking anything and sitting saunas and running in sweaters to lose water. And I would always have these recurring nightmares where I’d eat a bunch of food, then immediately remember that I was supposed to be cutting weight, and panic and realize I’d ruined it all in a few moments and then try to throw it up. Though in the last couple of days I’d be so thirsty that I wouldn’t even feel hungry anymore, I used to say that I haven’t eaten in 2 days but if you offered me bread I wouldn’t take it because it would just make me thirstier and that’s all I can think about, and then I’d have dreams where I’d jump into a pool and drink all the water, and then I’d remember that I wasn’t supposed to do that, and freak out about it.

I haven’t had dreams like that in years, but I’ve had a bunch of them this month, where I drink some whiskey and it feels really good in the moment, and then I immediately remember that I’ve set a rule against that and now I’ve broken it and I’ve ruined everything and there’s no changing it because I can’t un-drink that and I wake up freaking out. I haven’t had dreams like that for years because I haven’t competed for years, so it feels scary to bring that back too. Cutting weight used to be horrible, not just in the last few days when I was doing something drastic, but even in the weeks before when all I did was restrict my food. As soon as I told myself I couldn’t have something, all I’d be able to think about was wanting to eat a Subway sandwich or something, just because I couldn’t do it. I sort of feel like I’ve also set myself up to spend the rest of my life feeling the way I used to when I cut weight, having to make a conscious effort to avoid having something I really want, but this time there’s no point where we get to weigh in and then immediately drink 2 litres of Powerade. It’s just my whole life. I don’t want it to last that long if it’ll all feel like that.

I know, by the way, that all of this is not a sign I should start drinking again, it’s a sign that I had a bigger problem than I thought and I should definitely not be drinking. I do know that. I’d just like to be clear that I do know that. This blog is for posting whatever irrational shit I’m thinking, feeling a bit better and less scared now that I know that’s out there and I’m not trying to do it completely alone, and then later regretting ever putting anything on the internet or indeed saying anything to anyone, but still, it helps in the moment. Anyway, the point is that I know none of these feelings are good or correct or rational. I’m just trying to untangle how I spiralled so fast yesterday. Though a fair bit of it was also just being convinced that everything I’ve ever said is incorrect and makes me a terrible person. Which used to only happen when I drank but now apparently just happens all the time forever. That is also the sort of thing that makes me not want forever to be that long.

I’m pretty sure my perspective on everything is wildly skewed and I haven't been right about anything since about 2018. I definitely used to do things and not immediately regret them. I do have a bit of an excuse for how incoherent this specific post is, which is I think the pill I got at the hospital last night is having some lingering effects. And I’m not an idiot, I did rip up the prescription they gave me for more of those to take as needed if this happens again, I am not going to add a benzodiazepine addition to my life right now.

Also I feel weirdly self-conscious about the fact that I now actually sort of know a couple of the people who read this blog, so it's not just shouting anonymously into the void, sorry to those people for being weirdly more personal than you'd normally be with people you actually interact with personally, I don't have the clearest view at the moment of what's appropriate to say to anyone.