#i am willing to get all of their cards to see the other crumbs

[caramelmochacrow]

😶😐🤨🤨🏳🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈⁉️

[lillaydee]

Uncoupled - September

Roommate! Joel Miller / Reader

Two people leaving their marriages ended up going through the mandatory one year separation together before filing for divorce.

Nothing could possibly happen in a year, right?

WARNINGS: Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), No age gap, Roommate Joel, Teacher Joel, Handyman Joel, Insecure Joel, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning.

SERIES MASTER LIST

August

---

You fluffed the cushions on the couch for the 13th time that morning, Ellie studying your actions from the small stool she was made to sit on as you flitted around the place tidying again and again for the God-knows-how-many-th time in the past hour. She was convinced you had gone crazy. All that was going to happen was someone was going to come over to look at your old room to rent. And yet, you were acting as if someone was coming in to judge the cleanliness of the house and throw you in jail if they so much as found a speck of dust.

She made the mistake of snacking on a cracker while watching tv, waiting for 10 am to come. And now that you’d finished vacuuming the couch again, you were taking your nervousness on the poor cushions.

“Beans, it’s okay. They’re not gonna say no just because the cushions are wonky.”

“You don’t know that!”

Tess told you a prospective renter was coming to see the room at 10 am. Set an amount for rent and utilities. Just be there at 10. No more, no less. That was it. That was all she said.

God, what if it’s some lady who hated kids? Or someone who didn’t like Ellie? Or worse, someone Ellie didn’t like? You were more than willing to accommodate, as long as they were nice to Ellie. You needed the extra income. It would put your mind at ease. The rent money and whatever you saved from shared utilities could definitely help contribute to Ellie’s college fund, and maybe you could have a chance at building your savings up again.

You were shocked at how quickly savings can deplete when someone died. The taxes, the funeral, the fees, the whatchamacallits that you had never known existed came to you, all requiring the swiping of a card or the signing of a cheque.

So when Tess asked you if you would consider renting the spare bedroom out, your only thought was Ellie. Would she be alright with some stranger living across the corridor from her? She had barely adjusted to being without her parents, and now a stranger might be moving in? Was that even a good idea?

Shockingly, when you asked her what her thoughts were, she just said, well, let’s meet some people. We’ll see, okay?

God, was she really five? How’d she get so matured all of a sudden? Two days before her parents left she was asking you why one shouldn’t eat boogers. And now she’s all wise? What was happening?

You, on the other hand, was a bit apprehensive with how Tess went about all this. You didn’t even put out advertisements or anything. Once you were on board she just skipped off, taking her phone out to call someone, and then telling you about the appointment.

It was all so strange. No numbers you could call or text, no description of the potential renter, just – be there at 10.

You heard a truck drive up and stopped next to your car. You didn’t even dare to look. You were so nervous, God knows why. You asked Ellie to stand up and hid the colorful stool you had made her sit quietly on in the coat closet. You brushed whatever imaginary crumbs she may or may not have on her person and told her one more time she could change her mind about this if she wanted to. She rolled her eyes at you and told you to open the door already.

You scrunched your face at her, smoothened your dress and opened the door before the person could even knock.

It’s not a woman. It’s a man.

And not just any man.

“Joel.”

“Hey, I thought that car looked familiar.”

“What are you doing here?”

He looked a bit confused. “Maria sent me, said you had a room to rent out?”

“I do, but…”

He looked a bit thrown by your hesitation. His face fell. “Did you not want to rent the room out?”

“No, it’s not that… it’s just… well, come in. I’ll show you,” you told him.

He came inside, toed his shoes off in the doorway and carefully slid it under the shoe rack you had there. He closed the front door behind him, frowning a little at the loud squeak it was making. Ellie came over and offered him a fist, which he took, a wide smile on his face. Hey kiddo. Hey old man.

He followed her lead into the corridor leading to the rooms. You shook your head a little, finally opening your old room for him to see, the door squeaking as you did so.

It was a girl’s room. Pink wall to wall carpeting, pink wallpaper, the white dresser complete with the movie star mirror and lightbulbs, a white closet, and of course, that white, very princessy queen sized bed Annie had bought for you. You didn’t even know if he’d fit on that bed. If he did, his feet would definitely get caught up in the metal swirls that was the foot of the bed.

He just stood there, looking around, and then going on to open the closet, the drawers, checking the bulbs on the mirrors all worked, shook the bed for sturdiness and sat on it, bouncing a bit to test the mattress. Then he looked out the windows, looking at the view of the school field across the road, opening and closing the blinds, switching the lights on and off, checking the HVAC vents, and then stood in the middle of the room, his hands on his hips looking around the room once more.

He looked at you, “Bathroom?”

“It’s next door,” Ellie answered for you when you were too stunned at his nonchalance over the pinkness of the room.

He gestured to the direction, silently asking you if he could take a look? Ellie pulled his hand to show him when you, yet again, did not respond. You heard her tell him he would have that bathroom to himself. He asked her where her room was, and she told him, telling him she will use the ensuite in your room. That one had a tub, she told him. You heard her open her bedroom door and showing him her room, much too small for anything but a single bed, and him mumbling some questions to her before the two came back into the pink room where you stood, still unmoving since you entered.

“You sure you don’t want this room?” he asked Ellie.

“Eww, no, it’s pink.”

He laughed, and you finally found your voice.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think Tess would send a man to look at the room. The previous owner used it as her sewing room or hobby room or something, and we haven’t changed anything since we moved in. My late sister-in-law sort of went crazy with the princess theme when she furnished it for me, since Ellie didn’t like the room at all.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind, unless - would you prefer to rent to a woman?” He suddenly looked nervous.

“No, I don’t mind, if you don’t. I just… it’s so pink, even I had a hard time living here before. You can change it if you want, I plan to redo the whole house anyway, someday. The house is so old, hadn’t been touched, basically since it was built. So, it’s a bit dated.”

“I can see that. Can I see the rest of the house?”

You took him to the kitchen, the laundry room, the backyard, and finally, sat him down in the living room, ready for him to say no.

“What’s the rent like?”

You told him. The utilities would be split right down the middle, telling him how much they were the previous month. He nodded, looking around the house once more, as if contemplating.

“We can discuss the rent and the split on the utilities further, if you prefer, I’m sure we could agree on a number,” you hurriedly said.

His eyes found you again. “No, that sounds reasonable. I’m okay with that number if you are. What about groceries?”

Somehow, over the next 30 minutes the two of you managed to come up with an arrangement you both were comfortable with. He looked at Ellie, who had spent the time you and him discussing the finances on her belly, watching some cartoon on TV.

“You okay with me moving in, kiddo?” he asked her, nudging her little legs with his socked toe.

She didn’t even look at him. Just shrugged and told him if he’s okay staying in the pink room, she’s okay with him living across the corridor from her.

He smiled, thanking her, before looking at you.

“When can I move in?”

**********

He moved in the very next morning, everything you saw him leave his marital home with in the bed of his truck. Ellie was making herself helpful, holding a corner of whatever he was carrying all the way from the front door to his pink room, before waiting for him to get another and doing the exact same thing again. She was mesmerized by his guitar case, asking him if he could play for her one day. He immediately opened it, and she audibly marvelled at the guitar, running her tiny fingers on the strings.

“Ells sweetie, be careful with that. It looks expensive, don’t touch things that are not yours okay?”

She immediately pulled her hand away, apologizing to him.

“No, it’s okay,” he told you. “Kids are curious, that’s a good thing.”

God, you forgot he’s a teacher. He’s used to this.

He played a song for her. He didn’t sing, just plucked at the strings – a simple tune you had heard in elevators and while waiting for calls to be connected to a customer service rep. Ellie was smiling the whole time, her eyes watching as his fingers deftly plucked at the strings, completely mesmerized by what she was seeing and hearing.

She thanked him when he was done, leaving him to unpack. You closed the door behind her, thanking him for entertaining her like that. He nodded, giving you a smile as he unzipped his suitcase.

You drew a big, deep breath. Okay. That’s done. Back to normal services. What was it you were planning to do? Right. The lawn. You put on your shoes and went out back where the lawnmower was instead of the garage. The garage door was stuck and wouldn’t open, and Eddie had been planning to get someone to fix it before winter came. One more thing on the list.

You had put the outdoor chores behind you this past month, focusing on getting Ellie settled and the estate handled. Now that the room was rented out and Joel had moved in, you could tackle the outdoors.

Okay, you can do this. How hard could it be? Sure, you’ve never mowed a lawn before, but you just push right? The house you shared with Max didn’t have a lawn. The previous owner had paved over the entire backyard to avoid just such labour, and you were glad for it. But now, you have this bungalow with grass wrapped around three sides of the house, so you guessed mowing the lawn would have to be a regular thing now. The lawn had been neglected for a month, so you needed to get started at some point.

You inserted the key, pressed the start button on the mower, and you were amazed that it immediately roared to life. See? Easy. You had no idea why people complain about mowing the freaking lawn. You chose to have one, you had to mow it. Part of the deal. Your neighbours used to pay people to do this or wait for their husbands to come home. Pfft… this was easy. You had no idea what the big deal was. You took a deep breath and began pushing. After 30 minutes or so, you had pushed the darned thing around the entire backyard when the thing made the most pathetic sound and sputtered before dying on you. You peeked at the thingy on the mower, seeing the bag the cut grass was supposed to pool in and discovered it was empty. You looked around the lawn and realized that none of the grass was actually cut.

You had been pushing that heavy thing for half an hour and nothing was cut.

Oh come on!!!

Why’d you have to buy a house with so much lawn Ed? And what’s with the useless lawn mower he bought? It was supposed to be brand new, and it wasn’t cutting anything. He was so proud of that purchase too, boring you and Annie for hours about what it could do, excited to have a lawn after living in a small apartment since he got married. Sheesh. You pushed the start button again and again to no avail. You finally just dropped yourself on the grass and gave up entirely. Oh well. Some long grass never killed anyone. Right? You laid on your back, breathing heavily from your lame attempt at mowing the lawn. Who knew pushing a lawnmower was such a workout? Damn. The sun was not helping either, mocking your lame attempts, beating down your neck, and now your face as you laid there, your eyes closed in frustration.

A shadow covered your face all of a sudden. You squinted to see what it was, only to see Joel standing over you, a cold glass of water in his hand. Here, drink this, he told you.

You sat up, drinking the water thirstily as he sat down on the grass with you. He had changed into some ratty pair of jeans and an old looking t-shirt, asking you what you thought you were doing.

“Mowing the lawn.”

He looked around, nodded with an impressed expression on his face, telling you good job. You rolled your eyes and told him that the lawn mower was broken. Maybe you did sound a little defensive, but that was not the point.

“It’s brand new. Still shiny. What do you mean it’s broken?”

“It won’t cut anything! Useless piece of junk.”

He stood up and lifted the small hood on the mower. No gas. He looked around and saw the little metal cabinet Eddie had placed next to what was supposed to be the patio one day and looked inside. He came back with some gasoline and refilled the tank. He pushed the start button and the thing sputtered. No dice.

You gestured at it frustratedly with an ‘I told you so’ look on your face. He shook his head, told you the gasoline needed time to get to the engine. He pressed the button two more times and the mower roared to life. You rolled your eyes a bit and told him it won’t cut the grass. “There’s something wrong with it, I’m telling you! Trust me!”

He studied the machinery for a bit before taking the handle, pressing what looked like brake levers in front of it and pushed.

Et voila. The grass under it magically got shorter, the smell of cut grass filling your senses.

Oh.

You went over and tried to get the mower back from him. He cut the engine and blocked the handle of the mower from your hands with his body.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m gonna mow the lawn.”

“No you’re not. I’ll do it. Go back inside. It’s hot.” He pulled earphones out of his pocket and plugged them into his phone, selecting a playlist and starting the mower again, shooing you inside before going on to mow your lawn.

You wanted to argue, but your shoulders and back were killing you from pushing that heavy thing around on that waste of gasoline trip around the backyard earlier. So you let him mow your lawn. Well, his too, you guessed, now that he’s living here, a little annoyed at how easy he was making the whole thing look.  

You went in and got him some water in a jug and filled it with ice. It really was hot today, and that glass of water he gave you was a lifesaver. You placed the jug and a clean glass on the table outside and went back in to start lunch. You figured something nice, quick but simple and filling to welcome him to the house. Just as you finished seasoning the Pad Kra Pao, the engine to the mower cut off. You heard him push the mower back into the shade and pour himself a glass of water.

“Oh wow, it smells like Thai food in here,” he said, placing the almost empty jug on the kitchen counter, before closing the squeaky and wonky kitchen door, having to lift it up a bit to close it properly.

“Yeah, lunch is almost ready. Hope you’re hungry. I’m making…”

Oh shit.

You’ve just turned towards him. He’s all red, sweaty and glowing from sweat, the sun was beating the living crap out of him outside. You quickly took the jug and refilled it, asking him to drink more, apologizing profusely for making him mow the lawn on his first day living there. He hadn’t even spent the night, and now he’s at risk for heatstroke because you couldn’t figure out how to work the mower.

“Hey, don’t worry, I just burn easily. Relax. I drank plenty.”

“You don’t have to do the chores, you know, I’m pretty sure we didn’t discuss that.”

“Nonsense. Happy to do it. Besides, I can argue you don’t have to cook for me too, you know. Pretty sure ‘cooking for your tenant’ would not be in the contract either.”

You didn’t know what to say.

He told you he was going to shower and change and he would be right back to help you with the rest of lunch. He passed by Ellie, who was walking into the kitchen, giving her a high five, laughing a little as she complained about his sweaty hand.

You tried to protest when he helped set the table after his shower, he shushed you and went about opening and closing the cabinetry looking for the right ones for the things he was looking for.

He asked you how to make the dish, saying that he would love to try making it himself one day. You told him it was usually a spicy dish, but… you cocked your head towards Ellie who was diligently sifting Thai basil out of her portion before eating. He nodded in understanding.

He asked Ellie if she was excited for school next week. She shook her head, looking a bit sad. You told him later that she was just upset – she used to be excited, but after the accident, knowing that her parents won’t be sending her to school… His face fell, rubbing his face, saying that he couldn’t even imagine. He told you that he would just be in the next building from the preschool, so you could put him in as an emergency contact if the school couldn’t reach you for any reason.

Ellie fell asleep with her head on Joel’s lap that night, watching some stuff on TV as he read a book he had brought out. He refused your offer to take her from him as he carried her into her room, telling you he really, really didn’t mind. You told him that the doors to the rooms did not lock, but not to worry, you made sure Ellie would knock if she needed to go into his room, which she had expressly promised not to, unless there was an emergency. He could, of course, install a lock on his door if he wanted to. You would rather Ellie didn’t lock her door, in case you needed to come to her rescue at night, and you never lock your door as she used your bathroom. You bid him goodnight, going into your room and closing the door.

Joel sat in the living room for a while, reading his book for a couple more chapters before giving in to his tired body. As he laid his head on the left side of the princess bed, his feet on the right side, he couldn’t help feel light-hearted about today. For the first time since he left his marital home, he didn’t feel awkward or intrusive. He had thought it would be weird, living with a woman he hardly knew and her niece, and not just any woman – the woman who was the wife of the man his wife cheated on him with – but he hadn’t felt like that at all. The most awkward he felt was when he insisted to mow the lawn, and later, coming in to lunch being made for him, and that you fought him when he tried to do the dishes, and he argued that you had cooked, so he should clean. And even that, it was more that he wasn’t used to someone doing things around the house for him. He was the one doing everything back when he was still living with Jen.  

And Ellie. He’d met her three times. But he liked her. Felt very protective of her. It just felt natural, having her fall asleep with her head on his lap.

As he drifted to sleep, a thought entered his mind.

He could get used to this, princess bed, pink room, Hollywood dresser and all.

**********

You woke up early the next day, getting ready to go to the bakery, your first day fully back since that day you received the call. You packed some of Ellie’s clothes and books and iPad, and lifted her still sleeping body off her bed, quietly locking the front door behind you and buckling her in the back of your car.

It was 5.30 am when you arrived at the bakery. You unlocked the back entrance, placed Ellie on the futon in your office and got to work. Your routine was simple. Get the dough that was left to proof overnight from the fridge and make the pastries and breads and buns your customer liked before opening the door at 7.30 sharp. You worked quietly, efficiently, your movements a routine since you opened the bakery five years ago. You remembered Max being so excited for you back then. He used to love your freshly baked pastries, getting to the bakery early with you to keep you company. Until he decided you were just trying to make him fat and came home so late he didn’t have the energy to come keep you company anymore.

Tess and Frank arrived about ten minutes after you did, each going to their own stations preparing for the day with you. Tess asked you how the first day living with Joel was, and you told her, surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward at all.

You were really shocked at how comfortable you were with him. By the time you shut your bedroom door you were a bit thrown at the thought that it was his first night there. He hadn’t even been there 24 hours, and yet, having him in the house just felt easy. The only time you felt awkward with him was when he insisted on helping around the house. The lawn, the setting of the table, the dishes, it just felt… odd. But you knew why. You were not used to it all. You were solely left to do those things on your own when you were living with Max. Having a man who helped without being asked, and not having to engage in a screaming match for asking was alien to you.

And what was more shocking? How easily he took to Ellie, and the little girl to him. When you think how much of a stranger Max was to her, it was crazy how quickly these two made friends. And his offer to be her emergency contact… you just trusted him. You didn’t know why.

You remembered thinking as you drifted to sleep – you could get used to having him around.

You arrived home at 6, Tess and Frank insisted on you leaving before closing. Ellie had been at the bakery since 5.30 that morning. She must be exhausted. It’s okay, they told you. They understood. Go.

When you drove up to your house you thought your eyes were deceiving you.

The garage door was open. It was freaking open.

You walked into the living room, shutting the door behind you once Ellie had come in, realizing that the door was no longer squeaking.

Oh… and something smelled amazing.

Joel was in the backyard, your kitchen door off its hinges, propped on an old table outside. He was measuring something on the door, looking up as you walked out.

“Hello, roomie!”

“What are you doing?”

“Just fixing the door. It was driving me crazy. It was stuck. Shouldn’t anymore, now,” he said, brushing the whatever it was called with his hand.

“I was gonna do that.”

Okay, you weren’t, but you felt bad he was doing this. This shouldn’t be his problem.

“Really? Oh, well, now you don’t have to. Can you hand me the Phillips-head?” he held out his hand to you, waiting for you to get the Phillip guy he asked for.

You looked at the ten or so items he had laid out on the small table, calculating the probability that the one you might pick might be this Phillip. Now… which one looked like a Phillip?

“You don’t know, do you?”

“I do, I’m just tired,” you said defensively, picking up something that looked like a Phillip.

“That’s a chisel. This,” he picked up a screwdriver with the + point, his voice straining as he stretched his body to get it, “Is a Phillips-head.”

“I meant to pick that one,” said, rather embarrassed that you got it so wrong.

“Sure you were.” He smiled and went back to doing his thing. Once he installed the door back to it’s rightful place, he called you and Ellie for dinner, demonstrating the door was no longer stuck or squeaky.

The man made tacos for dinner. Okay, he bought the shells, but the filling he made was pretty delicious. He and Ellie had a blast having a contest on who could make the most mess as they ate. And Ellie won by a mile. You took out the cheesecake slices you brought home for dessert, him immediately warning you not to bring home dessert every day.

“I’m gonna have to start working out again if you keep this up. And I HATE working out,” he complained, shovelling the cheesy goodness into his mouth.

As you stood in the garage closing and opening the door with ease after Ellie went to bed, he came out to join you.

“Joel, thank you so much for everything you did today, you really didn’t have to. I was gonna call someone.”

“Well, I had nothing to do until Thursday, and they were easy fixes. Don’t worry about it. And now, you don’t have to pay someone to do it for you.”

“I just don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you or anything.”

“You’re not, I’m happy to do it. Relax. What else am I gonna do? I might strip the pink wallpaper off my walls, if you don’t mind me taking you up on your offer. While I have the time to do it.”

“Of course, it’s your room. Do what you want,” you told him, thanking him again for dinner and everything he had done around the house that day. “Good night Joel.”

“Night Lily.”

**********

It’s Ellie’s first day of school. You told Tess and Frank you were going to be late, and they waved you off, telling you they understood. She was looking a bit down, touching her parents clothes in her closet before walking out to have her breakfast.

Joel came out, dressed in a dress shirt, a tie and a pair of slacks, looking decidedly different than the jeans and t-shirt you were used to see him in.

Good different. His hair combed neatly, his beard and moustache trimmed, and was he wearing cologne?

Damn, Miller. This man cleaned up well.

You told him that, even Ellie was telling him he looked good. He in turn told her she looked great too, giving her a side hug before getting himself a mug for his morning coffee. He took a piece of toast and leaned on the kitchen counter next to you as you finished making Ellie’s lunch and snacks for the day.

“You look great too, by the way,” he said. You had put on a nicer dress that day, and a bit of make-up – you wanted to make a great first impression for Ellie’s teachers. You scoffed a laugh – anything was better than the flour you normally wore as involuntary powder, huh?

He didn’t answer, a smile gracing his lips as he took another sip of coffee, his eyes still on you.

He was a bit stunned when you handed him his lunch for the day. He took it, thanking you, touched at the gesture. God, when was the last time someone other than his mother made him lunch to take to school?

The three of you walked to school, going in through the back gate that was literally a few yards away from your driveway. Ellie holding to your hand tight, Joel holding her backpack and lunch in his hands.

“Good morning Mr Miller,” his students chorused every once in a while. He nodded with a smile, showing Ellie the building where his classes were. You couldn’t help but notice the female students openly swooning at him as he walked by. As you got to the car park, some female teachers who were talking to each other stopped as soon as they saw him. You noticed a couple of them checking his ring finger before coming over, eyeing you and Ellie with… something… asking him who you were.

He introduced you as Lily and Ellie. That was it. No explanation of who you were, before placing his hand on the small of your back and leading you away, telling them you were late for Ellie’s first day of school. You could see them gather and whisper as soon as his back was turned. Wow.

When you got to the preschool, Bill and Andy were there, Andy excitedly cooing at Ellie over how great she looked, checking out her bag and lunch box, while Bill quietly shook Joel’s hand, gave you a quick kiss and stood there silently, watching Ellie answer Andy’s questions. She gave him an excited fist bump as Andy got up to hug you and Joel, asking her if she’s got everything for school, asking her again if she’s sure, and asking her one more time, before producing a keychain with her name engraved on it, clipping it on her bag. She hugged him, and you could see Bill falter, holding the little girl tight.

Her teacher, Mrs Adler came to your group. She squatted to Ellie’s level, introducing herself to her. Which ones were your mom and dad, she asked. And you felt your head go cold. You had forgotten to tell the school about Eddie and Annie’s passing. Shit. Not good. So not good.

To your surprise, Ellie took your hand and Joel’s.

Mrs Adler stood up and shook your hand, before turning to Joel, shocked that he was the one Ellie referred to as her dad. She knew him, of course. What female teacher in that entire academic complex didn’t. She managed to keep her face straight, telling you and Joel that she would be in safe hands, and that you were required to go online and fill out a form to update her emergency contacts and the likes. You were still too stunned at Ellie’s actions, so Andy immediately did it for you, putting you as the first emergency contact, Joel as the second. She then listed all the four of them as the people who were allowed to sign Ellie out other than you and Joel.

Mrs Adler took Ellie to the classroom and showed her the table and cubby she was assigned to. You asked to speak to her outside and told her the whole story with her parents. Mrs Adler looked a bit teary, but looked at the four of you and told you Ellie was a lucky girl that so many people stepped up for her. She’ll be fine. You can come pick her up at three.

Ellie came running out and hugging all four of you, holding you and Joel tight as she did. You promised her you would see her at three, and that Joel was right in the next building, okay? She nodded, trying hard not to cry. The four of you left with heavy hearts, Andy rubbing your back to calm you down, as you were so close to tears.

Joel came up to you and rubbed your arm up and down, you okay? He looked sad himself, for whatever reason. You nodded, and he pulled you in for a one-armed hug, telling you she’ll be okay. We’ll see her later today. You let him hold you for a while, before pulling back, thanking him for being there for Ellie. Of course, he replied, easily. Andy told you she would drive you back to get your car, Bill hanging back to talk to Joel for a bit, before patting him on the shoulder.

Your day at the bakery was filled with thoughts of Ellie. Was she doing okay? Did she make new friends? Did she eat?

And every once in a while, the feeling you felt as Joel hugged you came flashing back.

Stop it. Ellie. Focus on Ellie.

Joel was thinking of Ellie too, refraining himself from going over every other hour to peek at her classroom. The teachers wouldn’t like that. He just hoped she was doing alright.

She implied he was her dad. And you her mom.

As Joel opened the lunch you packed for him during his break, he thought of the way your hair smelled as he hugged you that morning. Stop it. Ellie. Focus. Ellie.

As he bit into the sandwich you made for him, he couldn’t help but take a deep, satisfied breath.

Yeah… he could get used to this.

---

October Part 1

[spectres-fulcrum]

Some Palia crumbs and gut feelings I need to type out

Okay so I met the last “villager” I had left to meet yesterday(as I fell asleep while typing this). Tamala. I didn’t even like her in the promo art, and I had to go to her cause she never comes to town. I knew from promo stuff, she was an adult, a potion maker, and Hassian’s ex, so I was willing to be like some of my initial ick was jealousy. She just gives me SUCH bad vibes.

Like vililan vibes. And I’m intrigued but she grosses me off. Then my mind goes “If all magic is bad then does she even do dark magic if ALL magic is dark? And all you know now is that she does beauty and youth-ew, we will get there- potions.”

But she gives bad news vibes like sirens. Like there’s a reason she’s forced into the northern parts of Bahari Bay and none of the villagers dare to go to the north. Not even Hassian or Hodari who live in the Bay.

And we know it wasn’t always like that-Hassian and Tamala. They were lovers. And he’s a young adult. How young? Idk. I feel like 23/24ish. He feels like middle of the young adult age group characters. Kenyatta and Nai’o feels like the youngest, and Jel and Reth seem the oldest to me. Tamala is classified as adult and looks, idk, 30s, early 30s, and probably spun a web, but I saw in Discord she referred to an event 40 years ago, so she’s what, 45? 50? 60? Like how old was she 40 years ago is the question. (They clearly classified her by her appearence, smart)

So she;s idk how old and seduced the young hunter from the village-red flag. And she uses potions to hide her true age-red flag. And in our daily chat she was like, charming potions are so nice. They compliment you so much/hang onto every word you say/smth. And I’m just like. Angry. Cause is that what you did with Hassian, Tamala? Potioned him into “loving” you? Cause That’s so fucking noncon. Crosses so many lines. And it’s just like-Disguising.

If my gut feeling is right. That whatever they had was dressed up in potions of youth and charm and was never real at all but felt real-felt real enough. Like I grew up on Speak Now enough to know when to say “Alexa play Dear John.” Ow. I can see Hassian and Sifuu having a falling out over this gorgeous woman in the “my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore I was fine.” Because they’re both so much more… fire…. Than Taylor and Andrea. Like full blowout argument, they don’t talk for weeks. Until Hassian realized it was all pretend and he’s broken and going home and mom doesn’t say I told you so like he’s picturing, but just has hugs and cuddles when the tears comes and it feels likes it’ll never be okay again but that’s…

And Reth once told me Hassian plays cards with Auni? Why? To keep an eye on him? So she can’t sink her claws into a child next? How often does Hodari thank the dragon that Najuma would never have any interest in witches promises beauty and love potions? Is part of why Jina can’t move the red tape an inch because Hassian accidentally moved them and touched magic too intimately?

Idk. Just theorizing some gut feelings and crumbs. I don’t expect the game to delve into any serious shit like this-doesn’t mean we can’t. Also it’s not going to anger as many people cause it’s younger man/older woman vs the other way around. I’m very well aware of that. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t gross me out.

So now I’m like. Tamala will clearly move the plot forward and I want to know what I can gleam from her. And my character doesn’t know about her and Hassian or anything. She just knows her as the recluse who makes potions in north Bahari Bay and she doesn’t like her but is also intrigued. I’m intrigued but enraged and I don’t like how she is. I also don’t like how Taylor put Mean after Dear John on Speak Now. Fucking whiplash.

We’ll see. I just needed to get this out. I am thrilled to write it though but as a game character I do not want to interact with Tamala. And there’s people who romance her??? Well, I imprinted on Hassian and I don’t typically like the goth witchy types so…

[manonblaqkbeak]

Family Time

good morning/afternoon/evening/night. hope you’re all doing well and staying safe!!!! i have a rowaelin fic that i wanted to post before rowaelin month started since im focusing on those prompts atm

i cant wait to see what everyone has in store for rowaelin month, im very much looking forward to it!

enjoy! :)

1835 words

The day that Aelin had been looking forward to was finally here.

She and Rowan were going to spend a week in their spot in the forest. A week was longer than usual, but it was much needed. Not only had she and Rowan been working extremely hard to the point where they weren't going to bed until the middle of the night, his family was arriving to Orynth to visit for a few weeks in a week and a half.

And not just a few members of his family, almost the entire Whitethorn family was coming, with the exception of a few—namely Sellene, who would be gifting them with personal letters and presents, and those that were too old or just didn't feel like making such a long journey.

Aelin was looking forward to it, to meeting those she hadn't, to hearing others perspectives on Rowan's childhood. Her mate, however...not so much. Rowan was looking forward to catching up with the cousins that he liked, but not so much for the meddlesome ones. He warned her that whatever secrets that people were hiding wouldn't be secrets anymore, that the nosy ones liked to make a game to see who could learn the most secrets.

Aelin admitted that could be a problem, but in his letter, Enda claimed that everyone would be on their best behaviour.

Rowan wasn't entirely convinced. And not just because of that, he was worried that the conversation of when Aelin and Rowan were going to have children was going to be brought up as Rowan had written that they were forbidden from doing so.

Months ago, only several weeks after the war, after a meeting with the Lords and Ladies of Terrasen, Aelin and Rowan came to the decision to wait for a while to have children after Lord Gunnar had brought up the topic of heirs. Aelin could still remember the silence, at her speechlessness of how suddenly it was mentioned. How Rowan had turned to Lord Gunnar and demanded not just to him, but to everyone around them, that it was a private matter between the Queen and himself, and that it was not up for public discussion.

It wasn't a very long conversation—they both wanted to have a family, but Aelin wasn't ready. She was having nightmares from her time with Maeve and Cairn, and throwing pregnancy in the mix just screamed disastrous.

Rowan took her hands in his large warm ones and promised that he would wait for as long as she wanted. Whether it was one year, five years, or one hundred, he would wait until she was ready and willing.

Aelin had never loved him more.

Since then, Rowan was taking a contraceptive tonic. It hadn't taken very long for it to spread around the castle, but neither Aelin or Rowan would let others opinions change their minds.

And it wasn't like they were completely without family. They had their friends and Fleetfoot, with the canine joining them on their week long getaway.

Aelin and Rowan helped the servants set up the Royal tent and the square wooden table where they would be eating and playing chess and card games. There were a few books that Aelin was very much looking forward to reading, too.

Aelin was excited for this week away, to forgo her corsets, dresses, pants and breast-bands. She was determined to stay in Rowan's shirts and her slippers the entire time.

So the moment that everything was set up, the trays of sweet and savoury foods on the table, and the servants and guards were gone, Aelin stripped down to nothing, swaying her hips the way that Rowan liked when she spotted him drinking her in and slipped on one of his shirts and put on her well loved slippers.

Grabbing the picnic blanket from one of the chests, Aelin turned to see Fleetfoot sniffing hungrily at the trays of food, moving closer with each second that passed. Just as she was about to inhale the food, Rowan took the pup out of her misery and feed her a handful of sliced fermented sausage.

Aelin smiled at the sight. Rowan might grumble about the mess Fleetfoot made and how she kept slobbering on his pillow but Aelin knew he loved her—even when she ate his socks.

Aelin set up the blanket and pillows against a thick oak tree, ready for her week of relaxation.

X X X X X X

Aelin's stomach was near to bursting. She hadn't intended to eat that much food, since there was a leg of lamb and chopped root vegetables roasting in the cauldron above the fire, but everything was just too good to have just the once. She ate and ate until there was nothing but crumbs left.

She didn't regret it, however.

She was close to sleeping as Rowan ran a free hand through her scalp as he used the other to read. Her head was on his lap, the sun was warm, and from the happy yips that were coming from the woods, Fleetfoot was having a fun time running around.

Aelin glanced at her husband, his face relaxed as he read his book. And she had no idea why, but she found herself saying: “What would you look like with a beard?”

Rowan blinked, the only surprise he'd show at the question. “Like an old man,” he answered after a moment.

“You are an old man.”

He flicked her ear, and then went back to running his fingers through her scalp. “I grew a beard, once, when I was young. I looked like my father.”

“So you looked very handsome, then.” Rowan had taken up sketching in the quiet moments. He had drawn his parents and they were a very attractive couple. Rowan inherited his fathers hair, eyes, nose and sharp jawline, but got his mother's lips, cheekbones and eyebrows.

They had died long ago, but Aelin would have liked to have met them. Rowan said that they would have liked her, eventually, as he believed that they wouldn't have known what to do with her at first.

Aelin gave Rowan a big smile as the question formed in her mind. And since Rowan knew her so well, he said, “No.”

“You don't even know what I was going to say!” She protested, but it was a lie.

“I am not growing a beard.”

“Please, for me? Just a little one?”

“No.”

“How about some stubble?”

He sighed, exasperated, knowing that there was no point in arguing. “Fine. I'll grow some stubble and that's it.”

“Mm-hmm. Whatever you say, buzzard.”

He sighed again, but there was a small smile on his lips. He returned to his book, and telling her what it was about when Aelin asked. It made her heart swell that her warrior found time to read, as he admitted to her months ago that he never really had the opportunity when he was sworn to Maeve.

Not wanting to ruin today with thoughts of her, Aelin grabbed her own book by her pillow and read, luxuriating in Rowan's warmth and love and in the company of a good book.

X X X X X X

Aelin was losing, but she made sure that the irritation that was coursing through her didn't show on her face. Playing chess with an experience strategist was an absurd idea, but she was determined not to quit.

Rowan had been wanting for her to make her move. Had been waiting for fifteen minutes. Fleetfoot was by her feet, but she was just waiting for the roast lamb to be done.

Five minutes later, Aelin finally made her move. Her eyes flicked up towards Rowan, but his face was stone. He made his move in a blink of an eye. “Checkmate.”

Fire coated her throat as Aelin screeched in frustration, which just made Rowan laugh. Fleetfoot howled and ran off.

Aelin grumbled under her breath as she put away the chess board (for now, they would definitely be playing again once Aelin had more food in her stomach) while Rowan put their dinner on the plates, smiling all the while. Behind him, his mate vowed that she would beat him one day at chess. His smile widened.

Rowan knew that if he said he could beat her even with a blind-fold on, she would go on about how big his head was.

Fleetfoot came back, getting in the way of his feet as he put his and Aelin's dinner down. He gave Fleetfoot the plate reserved for her, using his powers to cool it down, not missing Aelin's soft smile as he did so.

They ate dinner in companionable silence, with Rowan's thoughts on his cousins. He was sure that he wasn't going to get a single thing done while they were visiting. Or if he did, he knew that some of his cousins would want to intrude.

Thinking about it more, he knew that they were going to intrude. Enda had written in-between the lines that there were some cousins that didn't really believe that Rowan was King-Consort and would only believe it once they saw him in action.

That they would actually believe once they saw him in his crown.

And even then, he was sure that there'd be at least one or two that still wouldn't believe it.

Rowan would let them think whatever they wanted about him, it wouldn't matter to him.

Maybe he should have just invited Enda and his mate—but Aelin was looking forward to meeting his family, so he would just deal with it.

It would only be a couple of weeks, possibly three. At best, four, since it was a long journey. He could last.

Rowan could do it, he would just have to block them out if they became too much. He had done that in the past.

“If you keep furrowing your brows like that, they'll replace your eyes,” Aelin said, slathering a fresh slice of bread with butter and running it through the left over gravy on her plate.

Rowan grunted but tried to relax his forehead. It took him a minute longer than it should have.

Later on, they went for a late night swim. Which was slowly turning into something more, up until Fleetfoot jumped into the water with them, saturating them further.

It was the best first day that Aelin could have asked for, and was very much looking forward to the rest of the week.

X X X X X X

Aelin woke up to one of her favourite sights. Rowan shirtless, sleeping on his stomach, his tattooed arm curled around Fleetfoot who slept between them all night. The hounds golden head half on Rowan's pillow, her paws stretching towards Aelin, her furry face soft in sleep.

Smiling, Aelin shuffled closer, and wrapped her own arms around the pup, her fingers just touching Rowan.

Joyful, Aelin fell back asleep, a smile still on her face.

[captnjacksparrow]

Hey, really liked your analysis of Hinata. I feel almost the same way about her. Even though generally I dislike female characters who are naturally meek, subservient and pointless with no character arc in any type of media, what made me absolutely hate her character was how she treated Neji. If Kishi wanted to show her arc being developed organically, instead of proposing to Naruto that removes her stuttering and gives her new found confidence (because girls only get confident when proposing to guys 🙄), Kishi could have shown her talking to Neji after he literally told his bitter story on the chuunin exam grounds in front of everyone. She is shown like she is sympathetic but didn't do anything about it. She didn't even talk to him after he was hospitalized. She knew exactly why he was the way he was, and yet she fights him as if it was his fault. She, an heir of the clan, could have asked her father to support Neji, she had some clout. But nope. In fact, it was Neji who apologizes to her in a way, he is the one who trains her and help create a new jutsu for her. What did she ever do for him exactly? And Neji didn't have to help her. She was in the best position to help and understand Neji but what did she do? A lot of fans like her character because she is reserved but kind and sympathetic. She is reserved but a coward. She was not kind towards Neji. He died for her when he didn't deserve to, he had dreams and goals that were much bigger than Hinata's entire existence. She couldn't even see her own cousin's pain and she claims to understand Naruto?? Really??

Even Kishi said she was a pitiful character who only watches from a distance. He deliberately made her that way, no goal, no backbone and no lines. And I think she sucks the most after Danzo.

WoooW!!!! Thanks for the ask, Anon.

[[Hinata and Sakura fans!!!! Please stay away and don't interact. I fucking tagged them properly]].

Even though generally I dislike female characters who are naturally meek, subservient and pointless with no character arc in any type of media, what made me absolutely hate her character was how she treated Neji.

We definitely share the same thoughts on this one, Anon.

I am really tired on most of the media for their poor treatment of female characters.

The last time I was amused by a female character was from 'Game of Thrones', I loved Cersei Lannister, who is an absolute biashhh and Sansa Stark, started out as an annoying rose tinted princess but ended up winning everyone's heart. Both are non-combative, soft spoken and somewhat powerless women in a world dominated by men. But they just didn't let the inconveniences stop them and instead they learned how to fuck that world back and take control. Both are similar and yet very different.

After seeing, such well-developed characters..... For me girls in Naruto series, is blehhhhh..... Nothing to get inspired from them. And I knew it by episode 3 itself. I have no idea how can girls, in real life, treat Sakura as some feminist icon, which makes my skin crawl for number of reasons. If you point her mistakes out in any discussions, they will pull the misogynist card to your face. When in reality, I am also a girl and my world views are entirely different from Sakura or Hinata. There is no way a 12 year old girl would want to look at the Duck of another boy.

And the problem is, They form the majority, I mean people who can connect with Sakura or Hinata. So, as long as girls like them exists, we really should suffer from these crap portrayal I guess.

That's why I advise people that If you want to see a good woman character, Narutoverse is not the place.

Having said that, I find Temari, Konan, Tsunade were better (I mean inside the Narutoverse). Though their motivations or reason to achieve a goal revolve around their men, I find their attitude relieving. Unlike Sakura or Hinata, they don't wet themselves on the sight of the men they love.

What irritates me was, Kishimoto could've easily put a character like Temari or TenTen or Tsunade into Team 7. It would've made my viewing experience a lot better. If he doesn't want the strong girls to take over the attention from his boys, then he should've introduced a meek character like Rin Nohara. She is silent and cute but atleast she was willing to die for the Village and never wetted herself over Kakashi, though she loved him. And she treated Obito like her best friend. But he deliberately made Sakura hateful and he never stopped.

Sakura and Hinata were the lowest of the low, compared to any other side characters. And, in the end, they got the main Character's Ducks without actively doing anything. For me this tells me three things

He was using these girls as a shield to close the hetero normative mouths while in reality hiding those boys true feelings under that shield.

He really hated these kind of girls and constantly showing his hatred on them at every given chance and never redeemed them back. 

He knew the target audience’ mindset and he simply caters them by giving them what they need and at the same time writing the important arcs according to his wish.

I think, it’s the combination of all three. 

Just to give you an example.

There is this delusional SS shipper Who justifies Sasuke was acting Tsundere throughout the war arc. I mean, come on!!!! 

I came across this post because, the Original Poster was an idiot who comes into the anti SS tag and reblogged my content and saying I was wrong... So, I don’t mind sharing that person’s content.

So I don’t know where this delusion comes from... It's truly pathetic.

There are millions of idiots who believe in this kind of shit and Kishi is deliberately feeding them with bits and crumbs while making his boys go out and save the world.

These delusional mindset tells us they don’t give a single shit about the story as a whole. They watch it purely for the pretty faces and getting high over them. In this case, Sasuke.

It’s as clear as day that Sasuke didn’t care about anyone other than Naruto when fighting the war. You don’t have to be a shipper but even a non-shipper can point this out. I mean Sasuke wouldn’t have saved Jugo either, if he didn’t come to Sasuke and advice him. Do you think Sasuke would’ve tried to look for Jugo and saved him at all cost???? It’s just that he came to Sasuke and he helps him back. But Sasuke would’ve saved Naruto from the bomb blast even if he was standing a mile away.

So, if these delusions reflects the mindset of the majority of the women audience, then the creator will never try to give anything better but instead give us some low-life characters like Sakura and Hinata. 

So, Anon, your expectation for Hinata’s character could’ve been developed much better is just a wishful thinking. Because, Hinata is a character for these kind of people and not for us. And the author deliberately did it. 

She was in the best position to help and understand Neji but what did she do? A lot of fans like her character because she is reserved but kind and sympathetic. She is reserved but a coward. She was not kind towards Neji. He died for her when he didn't deserve to, he had dreams and goals that were much bigger than Hinata's entire existence. She couldn't even see her own cousin's pain and she claims to understand Naruto?? Really??

For me, this also irked me a lot. 

Hinata could’ve tried to talk to Neji about his problems even when he was a child. But she was simply playing innocent when in reality, she is just a coward. Even after the Chunin Exams, there was no apologies from her side, like you said. Because she is from the Main Branch. That hierarchy never changed. If she had the gall, she could’ve easily broken that hierarchy by saying, ‘I want Neji Nii-San to take over our Clan, He is the best candidate for this and I can gladly help him with all my efforts’.  A single line and just 2 or 3 panels, it all takes.

For me killing Neji is where Kishi asking us silently, 

Do you really want these pair to happen despite having a blood stain of another character??? 

Most people said, ‘Yes!!!’, because they don’t give two shits about Neji. As long as Hinata gets Naruto, the main character’s Duck, that’s all there is to it. It doesn’t matter who dies, who lives. 

That's why Kishi is shitting on them by making her as a non-existent woman in the Boruto Manga.

Even in real life, there are many hopeless foolish little girls who would do anything for the man she loves. I've seen them and I always stay 2 miles away from them. I mean, they even ditch their own friends and spends her entire time with him and when he dumps her later, she will come back to her friends for consolation. I think Sansa Stark is the best example for this. She started out much similar to Sakura and Hinata, believing in Princes and shit, she even naively betrayed her father for the man she had crush on. But the author made her to learn her lesson in a much painful way and later she came out as a Queen who no longer needed any man at the end. I think, this is called Development.

At the end of the day, Romance and Sex is all that matters. The author knew it. So, he is feeding these girls with some low quality cookies and they are very glad to take and eat it.

[sisterspooky1013]

Better Than Sex

Author: SisterSpooky1013

Rating: Teen and up

Words: 1666

Tagging: @today-in-fic

Read it on AO3

“Better Than Sex Cake” Mulder read aloud from the menu before looking across the table at Scully with his eyebrows raised in question.

They had just concluded an evening traipsing through an (alleged) actual ghost town, though no signs of ghosts were to be seen. Just a lot of graffiti, dirty mattresses and a used condom or two. Now they were sitting at the first diner they came across, Mo’s Café, and Mulder was considering the sex cake.

“Knock yourself out, Mulder, I’m sticking to coffee.”

“You aren’t curious as to whether this cake is, in fact, better than sex?”

“Well I’m sure it’s better than bad sex, but if it were better than great sex the population would die out because everyone would skip procreating and just eat cake.”

Mulder considered her statement. “Isn’t ‘bad sex’ somewhat of an oxymoron?”

She gave him an incredulous look. “Are you being serious?”

Now it was his turn to look incredulous. “The only bad sex is no sex, as far as I’m concerned.”

Scully shook her head ruefully. “Must be nice to be a man.”

Just then the waitress came by to take their order. Scully requested coffee and dry toast, while Mulder opted for coffee and the aforementioned sex cake. After she collected their menus and retreated to the kitchen, Mulder eyed Scully appraisingly, gaging her mood. Sometimes she was open and willing to talk about things of a personal or private nature, other times she kept her lips as tight as a steel trap. He suspected he might have a chatty Scully on his hands, and didn’t want to waste the opportunity.

“So, if I’m understanding correctly, Scully, there would be a circumstance under which you would choose a piece of cake over sex?”

She screwed up her mouth a little, not in consideration of how to answer the question, but whether to answer it at all. “Depends who the sex is with, I suppose, but yes, I could think of a few times where cake would have been a more enjoyable option.”

“Hm” was his only reply as he sat back against the seat of the booth, absorbing this information.

“Are you saying you’ve never had sex that was subpar enough that cake would have been better?”

He pulled in a deep breath and looked to the ceiling briefly, and she could imagine him running through his mental file of sexual encounters. “I don’t think so, no.”

“Is it wrong that I feel compelled to kick you right now?” She asked, just a hint of playfulness in her voice.

He laughed.“I’m not saying that every single time was Oscar-worthy, but even the worst was still better than some flour and butter.”

“And they say male privilege isn’t real” she deadpanned as the waitress came by to present them with two coffees, cake, toast and a tray of sugar and cream. She mixed the accoutrements into her cup while Mulder sipped his black, followed by a bite of the cake, which looked like a basic white cake with some kind of custard and whipped cream on top.

“This is pretty good, though I can’t say it lives up to its name” he said around the food in his mouth, pushing the plate towards her and holding out the fork suggestively. She took it and stabbed a small bite, meeting Mulder’s eye as she pulled the tines from between her lips. It was good, as most cake is, but nothing to write home about.

“Well?” He asked expectantly.

“Well what? She returned, wiping her finger at the corners of her mouth.

“Is it better than sex?”

She paused before answering, knowing that Mulder was going to keep picking at this until it got uncomfortable. He liked to do that, to see how far he could get her to go before she blushed and demanded they change the subject. He took immense pleasure in making her squirm, and even more in getting her to reveal something personal that he normally wouldn’t be privy to. Sometimes, she had as much fun indulging him as he did in goading her. She wasn’t above sharing something that she knew would shock him, just so she could see the look on his face. She liked that she could still surprise him.

“Not better than all sex, but certainly better than some of the sex I’ve had, regrettably.”

“What would make sex so bad that cake is better? I must know.”

“I think you can use your imagination, Mulder.”

“Come on, Scully, you could be saving some poor woman from ‘worse than cake’ sex with me in the future. Consider it an act of charity.”

She shook her head at him, but couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at her lips.

“Your answer lies in that drawer full of tapes that aren’t yours, Mulder.”

“How’s that?”

“Let’s see, sex starts when the man presents his erection and ends when he ejaculates. The woman howls like an animal no matter what he’s doing, though her orgasm is never mentioned. There is no foreplay. Would you like me to continue?”

He swallowed a mouthful of coffee he’d been holding, afraid he might choke. He’d never heard her speak so openly about sex before, especially not sex she had personally experienced, and though he’d been the one who initiated the conversation he was suddenly afraid he was going to have to walk out of this diner trying to hide a bulge in his slacks.

“Fair enough, Scully, but porn isn’t real. It’s like an action movie. No one actually hangs off the skids of a helicopter mid-air, it’s just fun to watch.”

“I’m glad to hear that you’re aware of that, Mulder, and I would implore you to spread the news to the rest of the male populace.” She punctuated her statement with a loud crunch into her toast.

Mulder’s mouth fell open slightly as he studied her, trying to tell if she was joking or embellishing.

“People really do that? Have sex like they do in porn? Men you’ve slept with?”

She rolled her eyes. “Mulder, if you’re going to sit here and tell me that you have never done that, even as a young man, I’ll have to call BS.”

He put his hands up in defense. “I’m not saying I emerged from puberty as Don Juan, but I don’t recall ever not being invested in my partner’s experience. I’m sure my skills were lacking at the outset, but I always tried.”

She looked at him derisively from under her eyelashes. “Well then, you really should get out there more, Mulder. Share your gift with the world.” Her voice was laden with sarcasm.

He laughed and ran his hand over the back of his neck. “How am I coming out to be the bad guy, here Scully? I’m not the one who gave you a ‘worse than cake’ lay.”

She smiled at him but her tone remained facetious “of course not, you’ve demonstrated that your skills in this area are unparalleled.”

“Damn straight!” He said with a slap of his palm on the table, and they both erupted into laughter.

They held eye contact as the laughter subsided, awkwardness descending over the conversation. He had made reference to the two of them having sex, which was a topic he’d only made innuendo about, never mentioned directly. Trying to break the tension, Scully finally spoke.

“Well, I guess you can see why I don’t bother dating.”

“I guess I can” he replied, swiping the last crumbs of cake off the plate with his finger.

“Why don’t you date, Mulder?” His expression registered surprise. “Or do you? I don’t want to be presumptuous.” She felt a pit in her belly at the idea that he may actually have a secret love life.

“No” he spat out, chuckling a little. “No, I definitely don’t date. It’s just too complicated I guess. I’m kind of a serial monogamist anyway.”

“Really?” Now it was her turn to be surprised.

“Yeah, for the most part. I’ve had a couple flings, but the vast majority of the women I’ve slept with I was in a relationship with. The emotional aspect is important for me.”

She studied him, imagining a version of Mulder who would be so considerate and giving. She didn’t need to imagine it, really, she’d seen it. While he was capable of being selfish and obtuse, he had also been incredibly tender and caring with her on many occasions. He had certainly shown a proclivity towards chivalry; opening doors for her, walking closer to traffic on the sidewalk, helping her into her coat or holding an umbrella for her. The idea that such gestures would extend into the bedroom was logical, but it still set off a stirring in her belly. In what other ways might he be so attentive to her needs? She swallowed the last of her coffee and tried not to think about it. Maybe later, but not here. Not now.

“Well, I hate to state the obvious here, Scully, but I don’t think you’re going to happen across the guy that will give you a 5-star experience if you never put yourself out there.” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to kick himself; why the fuck was he encouraging her sleeping with other people?

She smiled demurely and shrugged “for now I get my thrills from ghost busting and the occasional slice of really good cake.”

He bobbed his head and smiled back, pulling out his wallet and setting his bureau credit card on the tabletop.

In truth, she had already happened across that guy. He was sitting in front of her at a shitty diner in the middle of nowhere. And while she hoped that she may enjoy that 5 star experience in the future, for now just being in his presence, laughing and seeking the answers to the mysteries of the universe together, that was better than sex.

[elriell]

Thank you very much! I find it hard to cut them back and be less detailed to be honest. So let’s dive in to it, two quick points before we start;

There will be no hate here as every ship is valid, I simply going to explain why I believe Elriel is more likely to happen than Elucien. (IMO)

Secondly, if there’s one thing for certain with SJM it is that nothing is certain with her.

Of course like any reader I am nervous for what might happen but looking at it textually speaking I do not think we have much to worry about... Not to mention that if we look at SJM past behaviour we can extrapolate several things.

When Sarah falls in love with a character she is very willing to shift all plans to accommodate them, we have a good example of this with Rowan, once she began writing him she fell in love with him and Chaol was quickly pushed aside. I am sure she has done plenty of interviews saying as much from memory.

SJM Live

- Azriel has a lot of shit going on that we’re going to be able to see in this book.

- Azriel’s song is Mr. Brightside for the vibes. Not necessarily the lyrics. SJM is kinda obsessed with him and telling his story in the future.

- We’re getting to see more of Azriel’s cheeky humor in this one.

 - SJM can’t wait to see theories after everyone reads Azriel’s pov. There’s a lot of crumbs that have been scattered around for his journey.      [ref]

It is safe to say that in her own words Sarah is obsessed with Azriel, which gives us a good idea about who she wants to write about next. This is the same vibe we got off her when she was introducing Rowan to the TOG universe and I think it is a pretty easy assumption to believe the next book is Elain’s too.

Not to mention SJM is not afraid to shake it up and swap out the LI you think it will be, Chaol/Rowan & Tamlin/Rhysand. It is not far fetched to think she would do the same with Elain and Lucien. Not to mention the idea of such a repetitive story ARC like Mates (after Feysand and Nessian) could easily be avoided by doing something like a rejected-bond or second bond.  

I really could not tell you what I think Azriel’s ARC/what he is dealing with is because we have so little information on him all I know is I cannot wait to read it all. He is easily one of my favourite characters, he is so mysterious to us. 

I think Elain’s ARC is going to be all about choice. And we know from SJM that you can have more than one mate.

Elain said, her voice breaking. “It means nothing. I don’t care who decided it or why they did—”“You belong to him.”“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.”

“to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

As far as I am concerned if you look at all SJM couples from all her books there is always that initial Spark™ and I think that impartially if you look at Elain and Lucien they have not had it at all (bar maybe the moment he scents the bond), Elain is completely disinterested in him. In the bond as a whole.

“if it wasn’t for Vassa.” A twitch of the lips, a spark in that russet eye. “She’s doing well enough. Savoring every second of her temporary freedom.”

Azriel mastered himself enough to say, “Thank you.” I’d never seen his hazel eyes so bright, the hues of green amid the brown and gray like veins of emerald.

See? SPARK, literally and figuratively.

You could even argue that she was you know, really struggling at the time the bond snapped in to place so it wasn’t the time for them but then we are given Azriel as a mirror to the situation and we see despite her troubles she is capable of interacting with someone without disinterest. Can and has been attracted too, can smile and laugh with someone despite being upset over Graysen.

Examples;

“You’re welcome to stay for the night,” I said, since Elain certainly wasn’t going to. Lucien lowered his hands into his lap and leaned back in the armchair. “Thank you, but I have other plans.” I prayed he didn’t catch the slightly relieved glimmer on Elain’s face.”

“Azriel smiled faintly. “Would you like me to show you the garden?” But Elain did not balk from him, did not shy away as she nodded—just once. Azriel, graceful as any courtier, offered her an arm.

“And do what?” “Spend time with her.” “I don’t think she’ll tolerate two minutes alone with me, so forget about two weeks.” His jaw worked as he studied the fire.”

Elain sat silently at one of the wrought-iron tables, a cup of tea before her. Azriel was sprawled on the chaise longue across the gray stones, sunning his wings and reading what looked to be a stack of reports—likely information on the Autumn Court that he planned to present to Rhys once he’d sorted through it all. Already dressed for the Hewn City—the brutal, beautiful armor so at odds with the lovely garden. And my sister sitting within it.

“You as well.” A sidelong glance toward Elain, swift and fleeting. “Both of you.” Elain said nothing, but at least she bowed her head in thanks.”

Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room, my sister showing him the plans she’d sketched to expand the garden in the back of the town house, using the seeds and tools my family had given her tonight. Whether he cared about such things, I had no idea, but I sent him a silent prayer of thanks for his kindness before Rhys and I slipped upstairs.

“There were only a few presents left—Lucien’s. [...] I handed Elain the small box with her name on it. Her smile faded as she opened it. “Enchanted gloves,” she read from the card. “That won’t tear or become too sweaty while gardening.” She set aside the box without looking at it for longer than a moment. And I wondered if she preferred to have torn and sweaty hands, if the dirt and cuts were proof of her labor. Her joy.”

“He cares for you.” “He doesn’t know me.”

“You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.” Her mouth tightened, the only sign of anger in her graceful countenance. “I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.” 

“You are his mate. Do you even know what that means?” “It means nothing,” Elain said, her voice breaking. “It means nothing. I don’t care who decided it or why they did—”“You belong to him.”“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.”

Again like I said, textually when we look at it all together Sarah is not exactly planting the seeds for them at all, now of course there is still time for that to change, and of course we only have a limited perspective but as a reader it doesn’t come across positively. Even if you consider Nessian who have been against each other from the start have had the seeds planted, even as they argued they had tension and emotion.

Sarah has given Elucien so little of anything positive or negative comparitively, it is like the are barely registered. 

Not to mention she puts across Azriel as a candidate time and time again, and as a writer you would not do that for nothing.

“She doesn’t need anything,” Azriel answered without so much as looking at Lucien.

“You know them better than I do. But I will say that Lucien is loyal—fiercely so.” “So is Azriel.”

“Why not make them mates?” I mused. “Why Lucien?” “I’d keep that question from Lucien.” “I’m serious.” I turned toward him and crossed my arms. “What decides it? Who decides it?”

“What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden—“that is what she needs? Is there no free will? What if Lucien wishes the union but she doesn’t?”

SJM is sowing doubt at every turn. Then to top it off we are introduced to Vassa through Lucien, and now we finally see him have a spark, blush, and speak of her with almost worship as Feyre points out.

“I …” Lucien fumbled for the words. Not out of some lie or excuse, I realized a moment later. Realized when he said, “I’ve been at the Spring Court every now and then. But if I’m not here in Velaris, I’ve mostly been staying with Jurian. And Vassa.”

“Not for long—not if Vassa has anything to do with it.” “You sound like an acolyte.”

Lucien blushed, glancing at Elain. “She’s got a foul temper and a fouler mouth.” 

Now, I can understand the belief that Elucien could be endgame but you simply cannot deny that before that Elriel & LucienxVassa is going to have to be explored to a degree. 

“Az ran a hand through his dark hair. “Are we …”Unusual for him to stumble with words. “Are we supposed to get the sisters presents?”

“I …” Lucien fumbled for the words. Not out of some lie or excuse, I realized a moment later. Realized when he said, “I’ve been at the Spring Court every now and then. But if I’m not here in Velaris, I’ve mostly been staying with Jurian. And Vassa.”

We also see both couples paralleled. I mean in all honesty I could go on and on and on, there is so many qoutes that I could add but this will just get longer and longer. I am going to link my full Elriel Analysis, and some other stuff about them and rejecting the bond below.

As for our fox boy Lucien!

I really like him, and I do feel like he has a very interesting journey ahead, between his true paternity, Vassa and the mating bond he has a lot coming up for him. I am excited to see where the band of exhiles might take us, despite Feyre’s mockery I am excited that after so long of not belonging anywhere he may have found people to call his own.

Look if Elucien happens after a genuine build up, I will be happy to read their journey, of course I will be very disappointed for Elriel because I truly believe they are the best fit but I am not against Elucien if anything I think Sarah is, more than anyone else.

Like I said I could go on for years, and honestly in 9 days hopefully we have a better idea of the future to base our opinions on. 

I am tagging this Anti-Elucien, not that I feel it is but I don’t want Elucien shippers to have to see it, so if they blacklist the tag the can avoid the negativity ❤︎

[Elriel Meta] [Elriel Kindred Spirits] [Elriel Choice 1 & 2] [Garden] [Thoughts]

[lactosefreevanillayoghurt]

You Don’t Need To Prove Yourself To Us

yes this is a checkateva fic and yes it is for @aveasorae

hurt/comfort, a lot of fluff and also some nachos (1600 and something words)

"What do you want to do when you grow up?" Kate was sprawled on Chess' bed, legs resting upright against the wall, head digging into Eva's hip.

Eva didn't look up from her laptop. "Teaching."

Kate flung her arms up, smacking their girlfriend in the chest with one hand, almost dislocating Chess' nose with the other. "You're so boring."

"Ow."

"Soz, Checkers, love you really."

"Yeah, yeah, absolutely." Chess pawed at their nose, surprised that Eva hadn't reacted to being literally punched in the boob, jesus christ since when had Kate been so strong? "Also, Eva's not boring, she's just got her shit together better than you do."

"I've got my shit together! Anyway, that wasn't the point, I didn't mean, like, jobs, I meant just things you want to do when we grow up."

"...That is jobs." Chess took one of Kate's flailing hands and pinched her index finger. They told themselves it was to piss Kate off and not to save their nose from another sneak attack.

"Fuck you, you knew what I meant."

"Sure, Kitkat." They let their partner's hand go, regretting it when Kate immediately started picking at the week-old nail varnish on it, black flakes decorating their bed. Eva hadn't moved or even acknowledged the conversation going on around her and Chess placed a quiet hand on her knee. They knew that both them and Kate worried about Eva, though Kate worried about everything so maybe that was a bad example. Still, they knew the other girl perhaps didn't have her shit together as well as they teased.

"Why would you even want to go into teaching though?" Kate's heels thudded against the wall and, as happened every time they met at their house, Chess began to regret letting Kate anywhere near their nice neat room. "I mean, I find it hard to deal with one of me, I wouldn't want a whole class to have to actually teach."

"Eva's good at that, everyone likes her."

"Yeah, 'cause she's an angel," Kate shuffled herself around and wrapped their arms around Eva's waist, her voice now muffled by fabric, "And we love her."

Eva smiled, one hand ceasing typing to brush over Kate's head before returning to her work. Chess rubbed their thumb over her knee, "I think someone," They nudged Kate, "Is getting bored. We should stop for now."

Kate was overly willing to sit up and pack away their books, neatly closing and then rearranging her folders. Chess always marvelled and how someone could be such a chaotic mess but then become so neat when it came to school work. They themselves were a little more haphazard, throwing their books in a pile beside their backpack before getting up and stretching. Kate kissed Eva's shoulder, sent affectionate fingerguns to Chess and walked over to the door, running a hand through their hair as they did so. She paused, one hand on the doorframe, "I want chips. I'll bring a pack up, do either of you want anything?"

Chess shook their head, "I'm all good." They locked eyes with their partner, both raising an eyebrow in sync and then gesturing back to their girlfriend.

Kate bit her lip and nodded, "I'll get a banana as well, okay Aves?"

Eva nodded vaguely and then the door was shut and Kate was gone.

Chess heaved a sigh, wandering over to where Eva was still sat typing on the bed. They ran a hand through the girl's hair, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "Maybe it's time to take a break, V."

Eva shook her head fervently, her fingers only pausing for a second. Chess crouched in front of her, reaching around the laptop to hold her hands. They looked at their girlfriend, properly looked, noticing all the details that got mixed up to create Eva Sanchez. She looked tired, more than anything, and it hurt a little to see someone that they loved so much become so overwhelmed. Her eyes were soft and unfocused, hands cold where they held Chess'. Slowly, so slowly, Chess let go of her hands and pulled the laptop off her lap, saving her work before closing it. They sat cross-legged on the floor, head resting on Eva's knees. "What's going on up there?"

Eva shrugged, nudging Chess backwards with one socked foot and sliding off the bed to sit opposite them on the floor. "Dunno."

Chess hummed and smiled. "I agree with Kate, you know. You're boring because you work too hard."

Eva huffed out a laugh. "I have a lot to do," she protested weakly.

"Yeah, I know." They shuffled around and pulled the other girl close, rubbing one hand in stars over her back.

"And if I don't do it all, I'll fall behind." Chess felt Eva's lips mumble against their collarbone, whispering words they knew that she struggled to admit even to herself. "Chess, I'm scared. I don't want to fall behind because I'll lose the scholarship and I'll lose you and that would fucking suck. And- and I feel bad when I'm not busy all the time, because," She paused, voice hoarse around the edges, pressing closer to Chess. The door opened and Kate slipped in, a bag of chips under one arm, a banana in one hand and three cans of ginger beer balanced precariously in the other. Chess smiled over Eva's head, watching as Kate took in the situation. They placed the snacks down and padded over to the others, sitting down and taking one of Eva's hands to stop her from picking at the hem of Kate's flannel that she'd somehow ended up wearing. Eva continued, "Because if I'm not working or cheering or anything then what am I? Like, I'm not worthy if I can't prove myself, right?"

Chess' heart broke at those words and they held Eva impossibly tighter, kissing her temple. "Oh god, Eva, no." They noticed how both of their partners' hands shook as they held onto each other and pulled themselves together a little. "V, sweet thing, firstly, you never have to worry about us leaving you because we love you because of who you are and not because of your grades or your cheer ability or any of that. We're so proud of you for it, but we love you, not a report card."

Eva nodded hesitantly. Chess brushed the hair away from her face, hand lingering a second on her forehead, taking in the subtle warmth, all whilst looking as sincerely as they could into her eyes.

"You don't need to prove yourself either." Kate drew their attention. "You're wonderful the way you are and, like, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, you don't need to push yourself to this point, because you will always be good enough because you're you." She paused. "I don't think that made sense, I think I tried too hard to sound as eloquent as Checkers."

Chess laughed and Eva did too. Kate blushed, hiding their face in Eva's hands. "I mean, you tried, Kitkat."

Eva cackled, "Yeah, A+ for effort."

"Hey! The sentiment's still there, though!"

Laughter dimming, Eva nodded. "Of course. I love you and your confusing monologues."

Chess grinned at the two of them, Kate giving Eva a look of pure adoration before flying into her arms. They fell backwards against the carpet as Kate leapt on the two of them, teasing a mutual, "Oof," from all three.

"What the fuck!! What the fuck is this!!" Kate clung to them in her preferred koala pose. "You can't say that to me!! I am but a hopeless gay and now you have made me flustered!!!!! Illegal!!! How dare you!"

Chess laughed, the kind of laugh that makes you feel like you're filled up with bubbles, all bright and clear. On top of them, Eva yawned, pushing her head into Kate's elbow with a catlike whimper. Kate looked alarmed suddenly, rolling off the other two to lie flat on their back, legs instinctively hooking themselves up and onto the bed covers. "Aves, you okay? Chess, she's warm, is she-"

Placing a newly-freed arm onto their partner's stomach, they cut her off before she could spiral any further, "She'll be fine, she's just a dumbass," Chess lowered their voice, creating brackets with their hands, "(Affectionately), and has overworked herself."

"I am still here."

"Shhhpsspshspshpspshp," Kate placed a hand over Eva's mouth. "We look after you now."

Chess nodded and pulled the other two with them back onto their bed. Eva curled up with her head on their chest, fingers jittering, still tapping out letters into their side. They took her hands and lifted them to their lips. "Love you too."

The bed dipped as Kate returned from a trip across the room, a huge packet of nachos in her hand. Chess once again fondly regretted letting them in their room - first nail varnish, then crumbs, what would be next? "I cannot believe you."

"What?!"

"V was literally about to go to sleep but no, you ruined it with your bloody crunching."

Kate paused mid-crunch. "Oopth-"

Eva giggled between the two, reaching a hand into Kate's bag of chips.

Kate looked practically jubilant. "HA! See, she's actually eating, it was a good thing after all."

"I cannot believe I'm being betrayed by my own two significant others."

Kate grinned, "Love you!!!"

Eva shuffled closer, shutting her eyes, "Yeah, we love you."

Chess stole the bag out of Kate's hand, "If you love me that much, you'll give me some nachos."

"Fuck you. This is gay sabotage." But Kate was still grinning, and Eva's warm little body was shaking with silent laughter and Chess allowed themselves to forgive Kate for the crumbs in the bed. Just this once.

[vin-taege]

low expectations | 3

summary: after disappearing for six years to pursue law, you come back to Seoul, only to be hired by Jeon Jungkook, tattoo artist on the rise, and your high school ex

genre: angst, eventual smut, l2e2l (lovers to enemies [kinda?] to lovers)

pairing: tattoo artist!jungkook x lawyer!reader

words: 3k+

note: i am back

"Mmm holy shit, I missed bread," You stared at Taehyung, who was shamelessly stuffing croissant after croissant in his face. Jimin sipped his latte awkwardly. Jungkook was back in his usual reserved state, silent, though visibly disturbed by Taehyung's lack of table etiquette. The whole table was captivated by the tattoo artist's seemingly never ending appetite, and at this point, Jungkook began to regret letting him borrow his credit card. Namjoon was first to break the silence. 

"So," he cleared his throat. "We came up with a list of possible suspects. The cocaine packet we found was already sent to a facility for DNA testing.”

"It's not exactly a list. More like one person," you got the case file out your bag. What back then was a thin folder filled with a singular page was now filled with paperclips and slightly dishevelled pages - the fruit of your research with Namjoon. You took the picture you printed out of the Gwangju rapper and put it beside a recent picture of Jung. "Don't these two conveniently look alike?" 

Jungkook leaned in to get a closer look, eyes straining to grasp any familiar features he could pick up from the low quality print. Suddenly, Yoongi jolted up, snatching the picture from the table. "How did you get this?"

"You know him?"

"Yeah, it's Hoseok. He went under the name 'J-Hope' back then until he just disappeared."

Taehyung hacked back a cough, a huge chunk of bread lodging itself in his throat. Jimin thumped him worriedly on the back, waving the rest of you off to ignore them. You continued questioning Yoongi." Joon, write this down. Can you elaborate on that?"

"I went against him back then Gyeongsangnam."

"He sucked ass."

"No, I mean, what happened after? Did you notice anything interesting about him? Something out of place?"

"Oh, well... From what I recall, he does look awfully a lot like Minho. Almost the same person. It's weird because they have the same last name too."

Namjoon shared a wary look with you. "Changing identities is very common for people in the illegal drugs industry. I'll get someone from the firm to run a background check on him."

You nodded. "Anything else?"

"I remember the police coming to raid the place. You know how there are some underground rapping contests? Ours was really underground. No ads, only word of mouth. You have to know someone there to get in. So we knew someone must've fucked up real bad for the police to get involved."

That's why you couldn't find any musical records or history on him. Namjoon was typing away at his laptop, seemingly getting the same idea.

"To be fair, nothing we did was illegal. The competition, the prize money, all legal. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was they caught Hoseok possessing marijuana. They shut everything down and took him with them. Never seen him ever since."

Everyone went silent again - even Taehyung ceased his coughing. Namjoon finished typing, readjusting his glasses." What year did that happen?"

"Somewhere in 2013. I think it was in April?"

"You mean to say,"  Jimin spoke up. "This Hoseok guy coincidentally disappeared six months before Soliloqy opened?”

Your jaw dropped, Namjoon mirroring your shocked expression. The tattoo artists looked at you in confusion, not getting what the big fuss was about. You lightly backhanded Namjoon on the chest, “Our theory’s plausible.”

“What theory?” Jungkook cut in. He wasn’t too worried about the case at first, but now that there were mentions of underground drug deals, he felt a bigger threat lurking around in the shadows. He just wants to be left alone - doesn’t want to lose the shop he risked everything for. 

“Hoseok and Minho are the same guy. We don’t have enough evidence to prove this, but we’ll continue to dig into it. The drugs, the blurry photos, Minho rarely seen outside and when he is, he’s always wearing a mask - these all scream fishy to me,” you paused to slide the pictures back into the folder, returning it into your bag. 

Taehyung slurped noisily on his iced tea. “This is some Scoobydoo shit.” He tapped his fork on his plate, confused to be met with the clinking of silverware. Bread crumbs and smears of strawberry jam greeted him, making him pout. Tugging Jungkook’s sleeve, he pointed his fork at his empty plate. “I’m all out.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jungkook rolled his eyes. He dug his credit card out his wallet for the nth time and placed it on Taehyung’s side. The older boy looked expectantly at him. “Well?”

“Can’t you buy it for me?”

“Oh my god-”

“I’ll buy it for you,” you smiled endearingly at Taehyung. He grinned back at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Jungkook stilled, an unreadable expression on his face. Without waiting for him to respond, you stood up, leaving the table and stood in line at the counter. 

To your surprise, Jungkook followed after you, taking his place behind you in line. “You don’t have to. He’s already spent over 30 000 won on pastries, and it’s only been two hours.”

“Oh come on, you’re acting as if we weren’t close back in high school,” you froze, realizing how wrong your words might have sounded. Back then, you could read him like an open book. Knew exactly what would set him up, where his boundaries were. But now, it was like walking on eggshells around him. 

“Yeah,” he mumbled, cheeks pink. “Maybe I should cut you some slack,” he said more to himself than to you.

"Yeah," you mimicked him. "Maybe you should."

"Seriously. I appreciate it. I appreciate you taking the case even after what happened between us back then," But the thing is, you didn't know it was him in the first place. It was unfair for him to think so highly of you. You knew you didn't deserve his kind words. Jungkook didn't change a bit - he was still shit at holding grudges. 

°°°

6 years ago

"Where are you?" Jungkook sobbed into the phone. Taehyung peered at him worriedly from the living room. The walls of his small dorm were thin, and Jungkook's side of the conversation was enough for him to piece together what you two were arguing about. "You promised."

"Tell her I'll come with you," he said, after a minute of silence. "I'll even work for her. I'll take the job offer she gave me. Please don't leave me."

He was so close to tearing his hair out. It's been a week since he last talked to you - you've been ignoring his calls and texts, Taehyung didn't know where you were, or if he did, he wasn't telling, and even your father hadn't been responding to him. And now you finally emerge from wherever the hell you've hidden in, telling him you were set to go to college in the States. 

"The job offer's gone, Kook. You're too late. My mom already booked the ticket, paid for my tuition. I can't turn back now," You were packing your bags back in Daegu. Taehyung's family was nice enough to let you stay for a few days until you were ready to go. Taehyung, along with your father, had explained your situation to them, and they were more than willing to help - though hesitant at first since they were also close to Jungkook. 

"Why are you hiding from me? Just tell me where you are. At least talk to me properly, please  ___," He kept walking in circles around the room, thinking of anything he could do. He felt so utterly helpless, sick to his stomach. "Please."

"At least tell me where you are!" He shouted into the phone. His mind was in a frenzy. Taking his wallet, he paid Taehyung no attention and ran out of the apartment, wearing only a t-shirt and jeans to protect him from the cold.

Taehyung ran after him, stopping him just before he could get into the subway. His phone was still in his hands, though you had already stopped talking on the other line. You brought the phone speaker away from your mouth, trying your best to muffle your sobs. He was still on the other and, yelling, pleading, begging to know where you were. At the back of your mind, your mother's words still echoed.

"You have no future with him, ___. He has nothing. No proper ambitions, no practicality, no sense of reality. He is weighing you down. If he wants to waste his potential, then that's on him. But he is not going to do the same to my daughter."

Taehyung was holding him back, trying to convince him to go back to his dorm. In the end, he dragged Jungkook back into the warmth of his room. The call was still ongoing, both ends of the line going silent until you finally ended it - along with your two-year relationship.

°°°

"So we're friends again?" you gave him a lopsided grin, offering your hand out to him. Guilt squeezed your heart. 

"Yeah," he looked away for a moment, pretending to be interested in the menu. He brought his hands together, twiddling his thumbs, before murmuring. "I missed you, ___."

When you came back, Taehyung kept staring at you, a suggestive smile on his face. You brushed him off, praying Jungkook didn't notice it too. The older boy traded - rather, forced to trade - seats with Namjoon, in favor of sitting next to you. A fresh plate of pastries sat in front of him, though his interest was on you alone. 

"I see you and Jungkookie are finally getting along," he whispered the moment Jungkook was distracted by Namjoon's relentless questioning. 

You rolled your eyes, elbowing him. "We're back to being friends. I'm just glad things aren't that awkward anymore."

"Took you a while to get off your high horse," he muttered, though his tone was playful. You still didn't get how he seemingly manages to brush everything under the rug. 

°°°

6 years ago

"___, you're hurting him," Taehyung hissed, keeping his voice low to not wake Jungkook up. He took a cautious glance around the place, sensing the younger boy was still asleep. "I didn't sign up for this. You told me you were only going away for four years. Why the fuck aren't you coming back?"

"I will come back," It was midnight. You were supposed to be sleeping. Instead, you were standing in the middle of the Kims' strawberry farm. Everything reminded you of Jungkook - his love for strawberries, his fascination with nature. Above you, the moon gazed upon the earth, accompanied by millions of blinking stars. And somewhere under that same moon, was the boyfriend you neglected.

"I just need a few years. Law school is not that easy, Tae. And I just can't go straight back there after I graduate. I need to work, I need to at least make a name for myself."

"I understand you don't want to disappoint your parents. I really do. What did you think I felt knowing my brother and my sister were aiming to be an engineer and a doctor, while I was going to take on a fucking arts course?" he took a deep breathe, forcing himself to calm down. "I know Jungkook doesn't have the most conventional dream out there, but at least explain everything to him. I can't see him hurting anymore."

"I did explain everything. "

"Telling him you were going abroad after ignoring him for one whole week isn't explaining, ___!"

"He won't understand! I'm only going to hurt him more," you ran a hand through your hair, the knotted mess getting pushed back. "I'll call him again by the time I'm in America."

"You better. I know I helped you because you were my friend, but he's my friend too. He's my best friend. And let me tell you, he is feeling depressed, ___. Your boyfriend is hurting because of you. At least be aware of that," Without another word, Taehyung ended the call.

You stared at the endless fields of strawberries and trees in front of you. Some of the leaves were already starting to brown in preparation for autumn. Not that you'll still be in Korea by the time it comes.

°°°

"So, what made you change your mind about her?” Taehyung was hunched over the arcade game, eyes stuck on whichever character he was beating to a pulp. The three of them were closing up shop. Jimin was still tidying up the customer lounge, while Jungkook and Taehyung waited for him in the employee room. Jungkook was on the other side, concentrating on designing a tattoo commission. 

“What do you mean?” he didn’t spare the older boy a glance. He was getting frustrated with this particular design. He had already gone through half a stack of paper just trying to get it right, and none of the sketches he has done so far looked right. 

“I mean-” he paused, letting out a grunt when he lost a round. “The first time you saw her again, you wouldn’t even talk to her. And before that, you wouldn’t even talk about her.”

“She’s our lawyer now. Of course I have to talk to her.”

“No, what I’m saying is- ah shit!” he slammed his hand onto the side of the machine. “Why the fuck won’t I jump? What the fuck?!”

“As I was saying,” he continued after putting in another token. “Yeah, she’s our lawyer and we have to be cooperative for obvious reasons. But I don’t know, you were different at the cafe. First of all, you bought me some food - which you never do.”

“Rarely do,” Jungkook corrected, pencil continuing to scrape on the paper. 

“Same thing. And you were giving her all these soft looks. Like a puppy or something.”

“I was?” Jungkook’s eyes widened, abruptly halting his sketching process. Taehyung had his full attention now. “Was I really, Tae? Honestly? If I was, do you think she noticed?”

“Maybe. I dunno. She looked really focused on the evidence folder and shit. But yeah, anyone could tell you missed her just by seeing the way you look at her. It’s kinda like the way you used to look at her back when you two were...” Taehyung never finished the sentence. Instead, the sound effects from the arcade game filled the room. Taehyung knew just how far he could touch that area, and not once did he cross the line; he still didn’t know if it was safe or not.

“You can’t keep hating her forever.”

“I don’t hate her.”

“Well then, you can’t keep holding a grudge against her. I know what she did to you was utterly hurtful. I was there to witness shit hitting the fan. But you know, you’re bad at holding grudges. Especially against someone who was a big part of your life. I’m not saying you still love her. I’m just saying, you can’t...” After what felt like an eternity, Taehyng pulled out a chair and sat beside him. “You can’t pretend like you’re not getting affected by any of this. You get me?”

The older boy sighed, grabbing Jungkook by the wrist to stop him from sketching. “If you stopped living in total denial, you would realize that you’ve stopped designing the tattoo, and instead, have been sketching her for the past 15 minutes.”

Jungkook straightened up in his chair, getting a better look at the paper. There, in fact, was a messy, but distinguishable sketch of your face. Before he could react, a brown paper bag was plopped onto the papers. 

“I re-heated some grilled cheese and double-locked the back door. We’re good to go,” Jimin leaned one of the chairs next to Jungkook. He bunched up the papers and shoved them into his bag before Jimin could see. 

“We’re good to go,” he repeated.

The night was cold. There were only a few people in the streets, illuminated by the scattered lamp lights. The streets were damp - they didn’t even notice it rained. They walked in silence, both boys sensing the younger one’s dread. Not because he hated you, but because he didn’t know what to feel anymore. 

“It’s gonna be okay kid,” Jimin wrapped an inked arm around him. “You just need some closure, that’s all. Talk to her and see how it goes. If it turns out good, then it’s good. If it turns out bad, I have a friend over at the Naughty Bunny who can get us inside without having to wait in line.”

Jungkook chuckled, thinking about all the times Jimin came to work with a pounding headache and love bites all over his neck. He shook his head, “Thanks for the offer hyung, but I have to pass. ___ might call for an emergency meeting and-”

He stopped abruptly, making the boys halt. Taehyung made a move to speak, but Jungkook waved him off, signalling for him to keep quiet. The older boys looked at each other in confusion. In the distance, just beneath the shadows of an alley next to Soliloquy, a tall figure hunched in front of the brick wall, fumbling with something in his hands. It was too dark to see, but Jungkook was sure it was him.

Without warning, he bolted towards the man, Jimin and Taehyung running after him. The figure took a second before noticing him, but by the time he went to run, he was already cornered. Jungkook grabbed him by the collar, slamming him against the wall. 

“Yah! Don’t run off like that you brat!” Jimin started scolding him. He didn’t even notice Taehyung tugging on his sleeve, muttering his name.

“Hyung. Hyung. Jimin. Jimin hyung. Jiminie.”

“What?” he asked, annoyed. Taehyung pointed at the boy in Jungkook’s hands, his eyes terrified, pupils blown out in such a way he knew he wasn’t sober. His hand hung limply, sluggishly trying to get Jungkook off him. There was the man himself - their greatest rival. “Son of a bitch-”

“Yah, Jung Minho, ” Jungkook said. “We have to talk.”

[tcm]

The Romance of Murder...The Murder of Romance by Theresa Brown

George Stevens— director of SHANE (‘53), GIANT (‘56), GUNGA DIN (‘39) and WOMAN OF THE YEAR (‘42)—won the first of his two Best Director Academy Awards for A PLACE IN THE SUN (‘51), one of the iconic screen classics that started off the 1950’s. (His second Oscar was for the epic GIANT). A PLACE IN THE SUN is truly textbook filmmaking at its finest. The movie has six Academy Awards to its credit. Stevens takes us by the hand and masterfully lays down bread crumbs for us to follow. His filmmaking here is romantic with scenes flowing seamlessly from one into the next, using a few wipes and many super slow dissolves. Superimpositions linger onto the next scene like ghosts. His slow dissolves make me swoon.

A PLACE IN THE SUN is based on a Theodore Dreiser novel and is a remake of the 1931 film directed by Josef von Sternberg. Stevens’ version stars Montgomery Clift, Elizabeth Taylor and Shelley Winters, all three acquitting themselves very nicely in a morally ambiguous triangle. Frankly, I’m torn. I want to be a good and ethical audience member of society...but I’m swept up by the romance of the film.

Montgomery Clift gets an utterly fantastic intro into the movie. Underneath the film’s credits with great musical fanfare, the movie starts with a young man hitchhiking on a highway. Thumbing for a ride, he backs up into the camera and after George Stevens’ director title card disappears, Monty (if I may be so informal) turns to face the camera. Stevens slowly dollies into a close-up of him. My God! That beautiful face of Clift’s fills up the entire screen. Man or woman, if you’re not a goner by that point, then you need more vitamins. 

And that’s just the first five minutes of the movie! Maybe THAT’s the lure...and the danger of this film – the beauty of Montgomery Clift’s face. (Or maybe it’s just my moral code that’s a bit askew.) His character seems like an unassuming young man. He’s in town to get a promised job from his rich uncle. He’s shown to be the type to work for what he wants; willing to start at the bottom. He’s not looking for something on a silver platter. He doesn’t seem manipulative or calculating. When he meets his rich relatives, they barely hide their condescension. At one point, he’s at the front gate of the “big house” during a party of arriving guests. He wants but has no entry into this world.

It’s kind of amazing through Stevens’ direction how unseen Clift’s George Eastman is. At one point, when he is invited to a big party, in his best blue suit, the camera follows him into the mansion. The butler doesn’t acknowledge him. He’s not greeted by his cousins. No one talks to him. He wafts through conversations with nary a person turning their head. The hoi polloi doesn’t see him. He is alone amidst a crowd of people. He goes off to play pool by himself. He’s unseen until...

Look who does see him when he goes to work at the family business; all the gals on the assembly line. They make with the wolf whistles. Working class women see him. Here, Stevens introduces us to another leg in this triangle: Alice Tripp. Let me give a hand to the great Shelley Winters, who didn’t shy away from unflattering roles. Here, in a nowhere job, she lives alone in a rooming house, goes to the movies alone. A cog in the wheel of life. She’s a nice girl...a nice enough girl. She eases into a relationship, of sorts, with George. They drift together, keeping company. 

Stevens does something interesting when trouble begins for George. He keeps him in the dark: keeps him hidden. He keeps us from seeing him. When George makes his “Valentino” moves on Alice with the help of a loud radio and her living on the ground floor (easy access?), they’re both hidden in the dark and slightly out of frame when he takes her to bed. We see this motif again when George comes over to Alice’s place (finally) to celebrate his birthday after his dizzying night in the arms of an angel. We don’t see either of their faces when she has to tell him she’s in ‘trouble.’ Interesting set-up the way Stevens blocks the scene – he has Shelley’s back to the camera AND her body obscures Monty from our view. Another time he’s in darkness is when Winters goes for that god-awkward doctor’s visit (“I... cannot...help...you”). George waits in the car’s darkness to find out what the doctor can “do” for her. Why is he not seen?

Alice’s desperation is palpable. She demands he marry her. That’s understandable. So why am I not sympathetic to her? I’ve tried several viewings to suss “why” from my psyche. They would have gone on to have a pleasant and unremarkable life together. He would never know what he’d missed out on. But there is that nail in his coffin...and a most beautiful nail it is.

When George is fully and finally SEEN, it’s by an Angel.

To say Elizabeth Taylor is beautiful is quite an understatement. She plays Angela and she is absolutely a ravishing thing of beauty. We see her when George sees her earlier in the movie. He is not registering on her radar, even though she was on his. And since there’s none so blind as those who cannot see, she has not seen him, though he has seen her several times during the movie. It’s him making that pool shot that finally catches her attention. (“Wow!”) She is quite a vision floating into that billiard room in a stunning Edith Head dress (who won an Academy Award for Costume Design), as though she’s on a white chiffon cloud. It’s love at first sight. Instantaneous, magic. 

We can see they’re right for each other. She’s his passport to getting recognized. No no, he’s not using her. His own idea for a cost proposal for his uncle gets him kicked upstairs into an office and out of the factory line. Angela adores him, gives him entree into her world. She takes him by the hand and pulls him out of that lonely room into the party. As they’re embraced in a dance, Angela notes the intrusion of us, the audience in the dark: “Are they watching?” They are dreamy. They are beautiful.

But there IS an intrusion, a very real one, when Alice confronts George with her pregnancy. She stands between him and paradise. Is it murder if you merely wish someone dead? Yes, Monty should do the right thing. Make a clean breast of things. Would he be forgiven? Would he lose everything? The thought of paradise lost is unbearable. I’ve tried to put myself in Alice’s shoes. But it’s heart over head; emotion over logic. Who doesn’t want what they want? Perhaps I struggle because I wonder, how COULD I give up the thing I want most in the world, the thing just within my grasp. Could you?

A PLACE IN THE SUN is a masterpiece of filmmaking, acting and checks all the boxes. But we were set up! I think the movie is a set up for George and for us. Sound is used effectively in this. The loons...the dog’s bark permeating...the radio news of a drowning is itself drowned out by the roar of a speedboat. Franz Waxman’s Academy Award-winning music in this does me in, whether it’s romantic, foreboding or narrating Monty’s inner dilemma. Waxman’s love theme puts me in a trance. William C. Mellor’s cinematography wins him an Academy Award with breathtaking scenes. In the movie, there is a moment in the woods between Monty and a Ranger that stops me as dead in my tracks as it stops George. I can’t even describe HOW it’s lit, but it looks unlike anything else in the movie. I wait for it. William Hornbeck won an Academy Award for Film Editing and the screenplay by Michael Wilson and Harry Brown also won an Oscar.

But I put the onus and blame on George Stevens for breaking my moral code. He set us up for failure by putting the beauty of Monty and Elizabeth in our path. I’m not a bad person...I want to do the right thing by society...one should face consequences for their action. But Monty and Elizabeth together; she holds out all one can dream for and paints a picture of a loving paradise he fears will slip through his fingers.

Now I ask you: is that fair?

[artgurusauce]

So, how was Pokemon Shield?

Before I start, this is going to cover the main game, not post-game. Sorry, no talk about Dickhead Swordward and Shieldbert. Also, if it wasn’t obvious already, massive spoilers ahead. 

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DO NOT READ THIS POST

I’m not going to ramble for hours about this, because to be honest, my thoughts about this are much briefer than they are for gen 7/Alola. Not to say there’s not much going on in this game, just that if you were expecting a super professional and profound review of the game from me, you may or may not be disappointed.

I will do my best to be articulate, though.

I’ll start with the rivals, the most obvious choice the begin with being: Hop.

Hop is definitely not like Hau like so many people were desperate to make me believe pre-release. In fact, while their arcs are similar, there’s a biiig difference. That difference, to me, is their changes in character. Hau had a big ass crash, yes, but his character change was pretty damn gradual. With Hop, after Bede puts him down, well, you can pretty much tell he’s not the same guy right off the bat the next time you talk to him. I absolutely adore Hope and I’m glad he got as much screen time and focus as he did. His arc was fantastically written and beautifully handled all the way to the end. All I can say is, another cinnamon roll for the collection.

Then there’s...Marnie.

Now, I don’t hate her, far from it. I adore her very much as well. The problem is that it seems she doesn’t get much time to flesh out like Hop did. A problem that goes both ways between her and Bede. Of course when I got to the seventh gym and met big brother Piers I actually did like the dynamic they were going for. Buuut I really wish they had given Marnie just a little more time to herself before that. I just didn’t feel like they did enough with her and...that’s a damn shame considering how popular she was upon her first reveal. Of course, again, this isn’t to say I don’t think she’s still just the cutest little punk goth button ever.

Sigh...and now it’s time for me to talk about Bede.

Look, from what I could tell, half the fandom was nuts for him, the other half was sick to death of a generic douchebag rival that adds no flavor to the table. But I’m a little torn on this one. Like I said, him and Marnie share an awful side effect of Hop’s arc being the most prominent...they don’t get enough time or everything that happens in their arcs feels...rushed, by comparison, at least in my opinion. So the thing is, when Bede gets disowned by Chairman Rose, of course my first reaction is “You had it coming, you were being a shit.” But then Opal...takes him in? And...acts as though Oleana manipulated him? I guess I could perhaps see what they were going for here, and, I’ll admit it, I kind of adored their dynamic, albeit a short interaction between them. And I did find it rather cute at the League when he was all flustered about being trained by Opal, having to continue training because everyone was cheering for him. But the thing is...his arc is kind of...broken? Like, I want to feel bad for him, and I want to feel invested in Opal taking him in and showing him the ropes of the Fairy Gym but...it just doesn’t work like it should. Which is odd considering Bede gets considerably more time to flesh his arc than Marnie, at least, that’s how it seemed to me. I do think the general story and Hop’s own arc really just forced the writing’s hand in sweeping Bede’s arc by as fast as possible. He could’ve been an interesting diversion of expectation, but...oh well.

Speaking of gyms, how do I feel about the gym leaders?

Well, Milo is a fucking cinnamon roll, and I do think I’ve settled on shipping him with Nessa because...I mean...c’mon now. Short bean boy, toll ocean gal? Perfect for each other ♥

I don’t really...feel anything towards Kabu. His design is bland, his personality didn’t stick out to me at all, but I guess they can’t all be iconic gems when you think about it.

Then...there’s my baby boy Allister. And lawd, my dudes, if Hop ain’t my new son well then Allister sure as fuck is. I did HC that he was mute like Red before the game came out and, well, his personality and dialogue are pretty good despite not being what I was hoping. I mean, c’mon, how can you not love that adorable little face? Or that he’s so socially introverted he keeps a collection of masks to make absolute sure his face is hidden? I am going to be quoting “Crumbs, that’s aces” forever now.

Opal was an interesting woman, I definitely think there could’ve been more to her relationship with Bede but I already discussed that. My dad thought she was kinda scary and creepy but she reminds me of that old lady from Spirited Away so I ain’t bothered all that much lol. She was nice enough, I do like her humbleness and that she’s willing to admit it’s definitely time for her to call it quits. And yes, I have seen that official art of her when she was younger. She is a fucking QUEEN  ♥ ♥ ♥

Then comes Melony...hoooo boy my lesbian ass is fallin’ so hard it physically hurts me in ways you will never imagine in your life. Wicke wishes she was this thicc. In all seriousness though, I am pretty curious about that son of hers. I heard you can meet him in Sword but I’ll have to wait and see that for myself. Aside from being the newest love of my life, she’s absolutely adorable and wholesome. I know her card reveres her as strict, but, she just looks like a cinnamon roll.

Piers...oh Piers, where do I even begin? His design is fucking on point, for one thing. And his relationship with his sister Marnie is just so cute and so much fun to watch. As unfortunately left field as it was for me, I did like his arc about not being a good Gym Leader and wanting his sister to take over for him. It was sweet and kinda sad but I just love him so much. For the first Dark Type Gym Leader, not bad guys, not bad at all. Also omg Piers slay me with your metal, king plsssss

Finally, there’s Raihan and...omg he’s so great. This mother fucker not only takes selfies in the middle of a match, not only bombards you with weather effects therefore making him a fun and challenging opponent, but this dude is also beefin’ with our head champ? SIGN ME UP, FAM. For real though, like, I loved battling with Raihan the most out of anybody that I fought. I definitely haven’t felt this much fun battling a Gym Leader in years. And I will forever be torn as to whether or not I want to ship him with Leon >3>

Speaking of the chadster, I ain’t talked about ‘im yet. Or Sonia, for that matter. Honestly, they’re both pretty great. 

But Leon is the fuckin’ MVP this gen, I’ll tell you what. He’s such a bro he tells Rose his “Day of Destiny” bullshit can fuck off til our match is over. Of course, I do like his ditzy and dorky sides too. Like his snapback collection or how easily he gets lost seriously Leon it’s just a straight fucking line to your house how do you fuck that up. But he ain’t just a bro to the main character, naw, he a bro to his actual bro, Hop. And I fuckin’ love it. Their interactions are so investing and entertaining and wonderful to watch. It’s almost kind of magical, in a way. I think he is without a doubt my number one favorite Champion of all time now. 

But as for Sonia, well, I dunno...maybe I’m nitpicky or remembering things wrong but she seemed to drop her disdain for researching the legend of the “Darkest Day” like a hat at some point. Granted, I still think her character arc while it wasn’t even needed was very well done. I loved listening to her dork out about the legends, her research, all of it. It was spectacular. And ever since I first found out she was childhood friends with Leon before the game even came out, ladies and gents, these two have dun been my OTP. The only one still challenging that notion is Raihan at this point, lol.

And now...we get to Oleana and Chairman Rose.

Oleana is just...kind of a nothing character for me, personally. Even after knowing about her Garbardor and all that, sorry fam, she ain’t doin’ it for me. She was a red herring so overblown and obvious it has since been laughable that anybody thought she was gonna be this gen’s Lusamine. She is just...some really crazy lady who happens to be passionate about her job. Ok.

Rose, however, is an absolute bastard. And I love it. However, I do have a problem with this, as it sort of connects to my earlier point with Bede. His relationship with Bede is...I don’t even know if I could call it a father-son relationship. I mean, yeah, he basically adopted him, but he disowns him at the drop of a hat. Granted, what Bede did was wrong, but...really? I guess that’s just how much of a dick he is, but, there’s no closure to that. Even after finding out what a horrible, deplorable man Rose is, Bede never talks to him after he’s disowned. Maybe this was meant to be a “Well it’s better he moves on to the next chapter of his life as soon as possible” sort of thing. But his sudden taking under Opal’s wing did not accomplish that feeling with me. So it feels sort of...hollow, to me. There’s no conclusion, follow-up, it’s almost as if Bede didn’t even know who Rose was anymore after Opal scooped him up. And yeah, Bede says “Everything has gone wrong since I met you” but...here’s the problem; That’s as much as he goes into being affected by Rose. It’s not too important, I guess, but it’s something that bothered me, personally. Rose’s motivations seem...ok, I guess. It’s about what I was expecting. Seriously though, his battle theme has no business being that good.

Those are all my thoughts on the characters, at least any that were all that worth talking about. Without further ado: Allow me to introduce y’all to my babies...

As I mentioned on Monday, my team consists of an Appletun, Centiskorch, Greedent, Hatterene, Inteleon, and an Eiscue. And I only just now realize like 5 out of 6 of them have names that start with a “C” lmao.

First up, we have my very first darling: Chastity

There’s a few things one should know about this slick little bitch:

Big shock, she was a huuuge cry baby as a Sobble. Like, mortified of pretty much everybody. Total mama’s girl. But as a Drizzile she was just a total grump goth binch. The only one of my Pokemon in my camp she would give the time of day is her dear friend Chariot, who at the time was a Hattrem. They pretty much grew up together and they’re besties now.

But now that Chastity is fully grown, well...she’s a little...flirtatious. Oh, no, not with the boys on her team. No no no. Every camp we step onto she’s just flirtin’ like a mad woman. She even managed to seduce my dad’s Cinderace who was already a huge playboy

Still, I can’t stay mad at this cute little brat. She’s still a total mama’s girl at heart and I love her to death. Btw, her Snipe Shot is ridiculously strong, though that’s probably because she’s still holding a Mystic Water haha

Up next is our resident lady in waiting: Chariot

I found Chariot in the Motostoke Outskirts and she has always been a picky snob even as a Hattena. She only ate small portions unless it was Whipped Cream Curry. Though nowadays I’m sure she only eats in such small portions to maintain her figure...

As I said before, she and Chastity have pretty much always been best friends. I definitely love to imagine her always hassling Chastity for her less than lady-like behavior though, haha. Chariot was weirdly sleepy as a Hattrem, though. Like...she dozed off a lot. She must’ve been getting plenty of beauty sleep for her evolution lol. 

I used to have a Toxtricity on my team named Ripper before I found an Eiscue for the League, and she seemed quite enamored with him. At least for the long period he was with us, she talked to him 50% of the time when I stopped for a little break. It was incredibly adorable, though I fear what might happen if I leave them alone at a daycare for too long...  <(⚆_⚆;)>

As a grown Hatterene, she’s rather dainty and conversative. I’m actually surprised, lately she’s starting to talk to some of her other fellow team mates lately. I suppose she’s not as stuck-up as she pretends to be, haha.

Up next we have our looonnnggg boy: Mushu

I picked up Mushu at Kabu’s gym. He was pretty shy as a tiny Sizzlipede and often avoided talking to most of his team mates. He was pretty spooked by a lot of them, actually, particularly Ripper for reasons I never quite understood. I guess when Ripper was still a baby, Mushu didn’t understand why he cried so much and was terrified of the loud noises he made lol.

However, he grew into a long boi rather quickly and he’s pulled us through some pretty tough spots in the gym challenges so I like to spoil him with lots of play time. He’s got a Jolly nature and honestly, it shows a lot more now that he’s all grown up. He loves to play and races with his team mates pretty much all the time. Rip Caramel, your utter annihilation will not be forgotten. He’s a very sweet and almost gentle boy and I honestly feel bad for all the battering he’s had to take before because I was a little too eager to take on opponents way out of my league.

A couple of fun facts about him before we move on:

His favorite curry in the curry dex is Smoked Tail Curry, which he always eats in gigantic portions. He freaking loves camping on Route 6 or in Stow-On-Side, I guess he really loves the heat.

Up next is my precious dumpling baby: Caramel

I first caught Caramel on Route 5, and I love love looove my baby apple pie. He’s such a chill and adorkable little dragon and I’m not one to pick favorites but...oh, who am I kidding? He’s totally my favorite.

As an Applin he was just too cute. He was a little slow and none of his team mates seemed to understand him so they tended to leave him by himself. So I ended up having to give him lots of attention so he wasn’t too lonely. And gosh was he just the cutest little baby apple. Of course, he wasn’t an Applin for very long, so there’s not much to speak of regarding his early stages.

However, once he evolved, he became a fucking tank. Caramel can take hits like a freaking champ and since I gave him Draco Meteor he’s practically an unstoppable beast. Of course, by heart, he’s a Lax boyo and enjoys the littlest things in life: Like the nice breezes in the Wild Area, or his Apple Curry, even if it’s snowing something fierce outside he’s all about it. And I just- argh he’s so fuckin’ cute!  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Up next we’ve got the chunky cheeked baby: Peter Griffin Conker

Conker is a Gentle boy who’s been with me since the very beginning at Route 1, and it fits since objectively he’s probably the weakest Pokemon I’ve got on my team. But that’s ok, because he’s definitely scored us a couple of hard gym challenges just like Mushu has. He was definitely useful for buying some time when I needed it, that’s for sure.

He was pretty chattery as a Skwovet, even if some of his team mates weren’t all that talkative looking at you, Chastity. This probably comes as no surprise, but he’s always had a bottomless stomach. Seriously, he’s eaten large portions even as a baby Skwovet and it baffles me. Guess he’s just a really hungy boy, lol.

As a fully grown, chunky Greedent, he’s pretty slow. Like, really slow. Even when he runs it’s like a snail tracking through peanut butter and molasses. And it’s too cute to watch. I really wish I could give him belly rubs tbh, he looks like the type that’d enjoy those, haha. These days he’s best friends with my Eiscue, Cubert. They usually race each other after they have lunch.

And finally, one of my greatest MVP’s: Cubert

Cubert joined us very late in the game on Route 10. And while unfortunately he ended up taking Ripper’s place, I knew he’d be a good addition to the team. I’ve given him Hail and Aurora Veil, which is super useful for battle prep. It’s pretty lucky I was able to find this little guy waddlin’ around up there on my way to Wyndon.

As I said before, he was pretty anti-social with everybody at first. Though I’m sure that’s because he was so new by the time we got to the League. Thankfully, Conker got him out of his shell and they’re best friends. He still seems a little shy around the others, and even myself, but I’m just glad he’s got somebody to talk to. Not much to say about him unfortunately, since he’s so reserved and tends to keep to himself, but I’m sure that’ll change eventually with time.

Now that’s everyone that’s on my current team, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my boy Ripper at all, so, allow me to introduce an old friend who’s been livin’ in retirement for the past few days:

I first picked up Ripper at a Nursery while I was omw over to Hulburry, I believe. So Ripper was with us for a damn long time until I picked up Cubert. Initially I had hoped he’d be a High Key Toxtricity, but I’ll take what I get. Besides, he was more than helpful with quite a lot of battles, especially Opal’s gym.

He was pretty loud as a Toxel, which should come as no surprise. Always throwing tantrums and never really seemed to eat anything bigger than a small portion of whatever curry I cooked, so he was picky just like Chariot was. All around a bastard baby, really. He didn’t really start getting onto the battle field until he evolved, in all honesty.

But once he did, hoo boy, he was killin’ the competition like a pro. I feel pretty bad I didn’t take him into the League with me, but I felt like Cubert would’ve been more useful so I swapped ‘im out. I’ve been pulling him back out of the PC box for some more training lately to help him catch up to make up for it, though. And he seems pretty happy about it, so bygones are bygones I suppose.

And it seems he’s still very much taken with Chariot. Sigh, young love, so adorable. Anyways, respects to the OG madhouse that got me through some toughies, you did good out there buddy. ;w;

Alright, well, that’s just about all I have to discuss, for now. I hope this wasn’t too droning of a post or anything. But before you head out, I’ve got a little surprise. Since this was such an interesting experience, I’m opening a new Tumblr based on my journey that will follow my Trainer OC Luna and her adventures through Galar. If you’re curious to check it out, click here. I don’t really have an upload schedule, so just keep your eye out for any posts in the future. Hope you guys enjoy it!

[hermannsthumb]

I absolutely loved the one where Newt came to look after Hermann when he though he had consumption and I was wondering if there was any chance you could do a short sequel? Something to do with Newt being dissaproved of by Lars? :)

i can’t really tell you why but the FINALLY cool weather we’re getting has put me in the mood for this au again....pls enjoy some hermann “yearning” gottlieb

part one of the fic

-------------

Hermann rarely allows himself fits of indulgence as extreme as oversleeping, but on the occasions he does, it is always on days such as today: cold, wet, gloomy. Days designed to be spent inside with the curtains drawn tight and a hot water bottle tucked in the bedclothes. Hermann in particular has plenty reason to do so; the constant dull twinge of pain in his left leg builds to a roaring throb when it rains, and the bought of pneumonia he’s only just managed to shake has left him wary of stepping beyond his front stoop in anything less than sunshine. It’s not as if he has any pressing work waiting for him at the laboratory. Newton, he’s sure, can manage a single day without him.

At half past eleven, Hermann is roused by the distant thud of the heavy wooden door knocker downstairs. Thirty-five minutes past eleven, there is a lighter knock at his bedchamber door. “Dr. Gottlieb?” their footman calls. “You have a caller.”

Damn. Hermann groans into his pillow. “Thank you,” he calls back. “I won’t be a moment.” 

It takes Hermann a bit more than a moment--his bed is very warm. At risk of making whoever is calling wait longer, he merely ends up belting his dressing gown over his nightshirt and trading his long socks for his house slippers to go down. He regrets it the moment he pushes the parlor door open.

It is Newton; of course it is Newton. “Hermann!” he exclaims, and rises from his stool at once as Hermann stumbles back against the doorframe in embarrassed surprise. He’s in his dressing gown, by Jove. “You’re alright. Why didn’t you come to the lab? I was so worried.”

“I was feeling a bit under the weather,” Hermann says weakly. He draws his robe tighter round himself as Newton struts forward, practically overdressed in comparison, even with his sleeves pushed up (garish tattoos revealed), his glasses smudged, his perpetually untidy hair even untidier than usual. “Goodness, Newton, if I’d known it was you--I’m not decent.”

“And yet you were completely willing to entertain anyone else in your nightclothes,” Newton says, grinning. He clasps Hermann’s hand. “Am I really that different, my friend?”

Hermann colors; desperate to avoid the question, he clears his throat and poses one of his own. “Why are you here?”

“I told you,” Newton says. “You didn’t show up at the lab. I was worried, so I decided I’d check up on you. I thought--” His voice falters a moment. “I thought your illness may have returned.”

Hermann has not been alone with Newton since his illness. (In their laboratory, they are under the constant watchful eyes of their fellow researchers, their hired hands, and on the occasions they dine out together for supper or take a walk, at least a dozen other like-minded individuals. Here, it is almost always under Hermann’s father’s eye, who finds a way to situate himself into the corner of whatever room they’ve occupied without fail. Their stolen moments of privacy are rare and brief--nothing at all conducive for the long talks Hermann yearns for.) The details of that last occasion do not escape Hermann now: Newton’s tears, the way he’d flung himself at Hermann’s side, sponged Hermann’s brow and forced food and water down his throat, held Hermann throughout each night, each bought of wracking shivers, and not left his side until it’d all passed.

The tenderness with which he did it all, palpable to Hermann even through the haze of fever. “It has not,” Hermann assures him; Newton visibly relaxes, “but I am terribly glad you’ve come. Will you take tea with me?”

“I should be getting back to the lab,” Newton admits. “They don’t even know I’ve left.”

“Tea,” Hermann says again. “We can talk.” Then, pointedly, “Father is out.”

“Oh,” Newton says. “Oh.”

Hermann shows him to his private study further down the hall and--never quite at ease with his father’s over-reliance on the household staff, and quite at ease with balancing objects on one hand--fetches them the tea tray himself. Newton has already made himself comfortable on Hermann’s small chaise when he returns, waistcoat and boots flung across the room, and he’s evidently drawn the curtains and stoked the fire back to life. It crackles merrily in the corner fireplace and bathes Newton in a warm orange glow. “Cake, too?” he says when Hermann sets the tray down in front of him. “You’re a godsend.”

Hermann unbelts his gown and graces him with a small smile. “Uneaten from a luncheon my sister hosted,” he says. “I know you’re fond of them.”

Newton shoves two in his mouth; he washes them down with a swiftly-poured, and clearly scalding, cup of tea, wincing all the while. “I am,” he says. “Take a seat, will you. Do you want sugar today?”

There is a smudge of pink frosting at the corner of Newton’s mouth. Crumbs on his shirt. “Not today,” Hermann says. He settles his cane against the side of the chaise, and then settles himself in next to Newton. Newton slides him his tea. “Thank you.”

Newton makes himself even more comfortable once he finishes off the last of his cup, lowering his head to the chaise cushion to rest inches from Hermann’s knee, hands settled in his lap, legs stretched out to dangle over the opposite end. Not touching--never touching. He has a lazy smile fixed on his face as he gazes up at Hermann. Throat bared. (The picture of hedonism, Hermann cannot help but think. He is gorgeous.) “What did you want to talk about?” Newton says, after some minutes of pleasant silence pass.

“Hm?” Hermann says. He’d like to push the soft brown hair (slightly damp from the rain) from Newton’s face. Pull off his thick glasses. Run his fingers over the rough stubble of his cheeks, drag them down to his mouth--his pink mouth-- “Oh,” he says. “I wanted to thank you. I realized I never properly did so.”

“You’ve thanked me plenty,” Newton says dismissively. “We’re friends. Friends do these sorts of things for each other.”

“You put yourself at great risk for me,” Hermann says. Unable to help himself, strokes back a few strands of that soft hair: Newton does not push him away, but leans into the touch.

“That feels good,” he says. “You’d’ve done the same.”

“I would’ve,” Hermann agrees, too earnest, not caring that he is playing the cards that should be kept to his chest much too fast, much too soon. “In a heartbeat, Newton. I...” He swallows around a sudden lump in his throat, around the unintentional confession that threatens to spill out. He’s certain Newton knows it anyway. (Hermann is not subtle in his stolen touches and glances.)

Newton’s smile flickers, but does not fade. Something curious passes behind his eyes--understanding, perhaps. “Hermann,” he says. His pink tongue swipes across his pink lips. “You,” he tries again. Words seem to fail him; he reaches for the hand Hermann’s pressed to his hair and begins to drag it, slowly, assuredly, to that pink mouth. Hermann does not move.

There is a small flurry of noise far down the hallway: the front door opening. “Hermann?”

“Damn,” Hermann hisses. It’s his father. Newton drops his hand and leaps to his feet.

“My boots,” he says, “where are my damn--fuck--”

He stumbles to the corner and shoves his stocking’d feet back into his dirty boots, pulls his waistcoast back on, rights his shirt, hastily buttons up both. His face is flushed a deep red and creased with guilt. Hermann imagines his own is in a similar state. (They have nothing to be guilty for, he reminds himself. Nothing happened. Nothing at all.) “In here,” he calls, dazedly.

Newton arranges himself at the fireplace mantle and adopts a look of cool boredom just in time for Hermann’s father to swing the study door open. He is stone-faced and stern as usual, even more so as he glances between them--lingering particularly over Hermann, his dressing gown, his dishevelment, the visible blush from Newton’s touch. “I was informed you were absent from your laboratory today,” he says. “You and Dr. Geiszler.”

Rain flecks the shoulders of his overcoat, which he’s not even bothered to take off: he’s clearly stormed home from his own office as fast as he could. “I woke up feeling rather, ah, under the weather,” Hermann stammers, “so I stayed in. Dr. Geiszler merely wanted to ensure it was nothing serious. He was worried, you see, considering my recent illness.”

“I’m certain,” Father says. He does not nod when he greets Newton, if Hermann can even call it a greeting: narrowed eyes, and an unimpressed “Dr. Geiszler.”

“Dr. Gottlieb,” Newton says, and, to Hermann’s equal part amusement and horror, gives an obnoxious bow. “Sir.”

Father’s lips curl down. “Get dressed,” he snaps at Hermann. Then, turning back to Newton, “As you can see, Dr. Geiszler, my son is far from death’s door, so your concern is misplaced. You’re welcome to leave. You must have plenty of work of your own to see to.”

“No!��� Hermann says (hardly believing his own daring--contradicting his father is something he does not do--and ignoring Newton’s tiny smile of pride across the room.) He pushes himself to his feet unsteadily. “No, I would prefer Ne--Dr. Geiszler stay.”

“It’s fine, Hermann,” Newton says, emphasizing ‘Hermann’ too-loudly. Newton has never cared to use Hermann’s title in lieu of his first name, and he’s certainly not going to pretend to now. “I’ll go. Rest up. We have our dinner engagement tomorrow, after all, and if you skip out on me I’ll be furious.”

They have no dinner engagement. Or--had no engagement. Hermann is more than happy to treat this as the invitation Newton obviously intends. “Of course,” Hermann says. “Tomorrow.”

He extends a trembling hand in Newton’s direction; Newton steps forward and takes it in a mere companionable handshake, yet Hermann cannot help but feel the ghost of the far more intimate one they left unfinished. Behind them, Hermann’s father sweeps from the study to undoubtedly wait pointedly in the foyer for Newton. Then Newton ducks closer. “Come to my rooms tomorrow,” he breathes, so quiet Hermann can scarcely hear. “We’ll say we decided to take a long dinner.”

“A long...?”

Newton lifts Hermann’s hand up--a mirror of earlier--and brushes his lips over the knuckles so gently, so reverently, that the air leaves Hermann’s lungs. It falls limply to his side when Newton releases it. He feels dizzy. “Tomorrow, Hermann,” Newton says.

“Tomorrow,” Hermann echoes faintly.

He sits by the parlor windows and watches Newton scurry off down the street until he’s a mere speck in the rain, and, unable to quell his smile, the small bloom of joy in his chest, touches his knuckles to his own mouth.

[caithelps]

This is War by Emily Kinney RP Sentence Starters: Part 1 (feel free to change name(s), pronouns, etc as needed) 

This is War:

“I know, I know, I know”

“All the songs you write are about me but you changed the names so I can’t stake my claim”

“You’re so greedy”

“And I know, I know, I know that you think you’re a much better writer”

“And that might be true”

“But what I’ve got on you is I’m a fighter”

“This is war”

“My fingers are sore”

“So far from the top”

“But I refuse to stop”

“Got shakers in my eardrums”

“Bossing like a new gun”

“When it’s all done you won’t mind that I’ve won”

“This is a battle”

“You are the prize”

“Put down that piano”

“Let’s start our lives”

“You’ve got more soldiers”

“I’ve got more passion”

“And I’m right behind you just gaining traction”

“POW! POW! POW! POW!”

“BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!”

“And I know about the lovers in your bulletproof lining”

“They don’t intimidate”

“They’re just too bit-ah late and bad timing”

“And I know you’ve got your battle plan mapped out in inches”

“I’m not scared of you”

“I’m jumping right into these Brooklyn trenches”

“I might be a masochist just asking for more”

“This stage is like a standoff”

“You’re pretty tough”

“I’m bruised and bloody but I’ll never give up!”

“Come to my side”

“We’ll sing songs together”

“I’ll hold your hand”

“Make perfect-pitched babies and form a band”

“I don’t really wanna fight no more”

“I’m sweating in the sun”

“Camped out with ammo at your door”

“I just can’t be beat”

“I will stand the heat”

“Until your love is sure baby, this is war”

Birthday Cake:

“I wanna be a famous singer”

“Would you be my band?”

“Travel the world together”

“You can hold my hand”

“Crossing cracks from the airplane to the terminal gate”

“Hope we're meant for each other”

“Hope that love is our fate”

“Life feels like a whirlwind”

“Been watching paint dry”

“Can't steady the current”

“No matter how hard I try”

“We could all use an anchor”

“You're not afraid of the sea”

“Let's both dive in together”

“Put your hooks in me”

“Boy you really got me after birthday cake”

“Making love on my friends new couch”

“So call me any night, any day of the week”

“I wanna learn what you're all about”

"I know I'm far away but this is just the start”

“If we make it past the first little part”

“We could fly around the world in the very same plane”

“We could share a life, share a name”

“I wanna live in New York City”

“You say you're gonna come visit me”

“See a Broadway play”

“Snow has just started falling”

“Hope you'll come around soon”

“My apartment is tiny but I think there's enough room for you”

“I can't seem to shake walking Echo Park Lake or get your face, outta my head”

“Am I saying too much, way too soon?”

“Well my only confidant is this empty room”

“My only response is the echo on my voice”

“When I'm falling in love it's like I have no choice”

“From my heart to my throat to my lips to the air”

“I don't wish for much, but I wish you were here”

“We need to check this out, check me in”

“I'm not into playing games but I do fight to win”

Mess: 

“I've got bruises on my body, scratches on my face”

“Cookie crumbs, empty bottles all over my place”

“My bathroom mirror seemed to lose it's shine”

“When you leave you always leave a little mess behind”

"I am cleaning out my cupboards, dusting off my frames”

“Scrubbed my mouth with soap so I can't whisper your name”

“Sweeping 'round in circles trying to get you off my mind”

“Your cigarette smell, broke leather jacket taste”

“It lingers in the air right in front of my face”

“You're like a bar marker star stamp I can't scrub off”

“You're like a tattered ankle bracelet I can't seem to unknot”

“And if you wanna come around I'm caught”

“It's so early in the morning, so late at night”

“When you pull my hair and start a little play-fight”

“We are kissing in dark corners on your parents' floor”

“The kind of love that makes my knees and elbows sore”

“The kind of love that makes me just want more”

“I've got a blue stained t-shirt, my scratches bleed”

“I'm sure everyone on the subway can see”

“You make a mess of me”

“I am usually so clean, usually so sharp”

“You always come around when I'm about to fall apart”

“I'm like a fragile house of cards, you're that small gust of wind”

“Sweep by, quite the surprise I'm on the floor again”

“And if you wanna get me down I'm got”

“And if you wanna know how much it's a lot”

“Come over are we both in town”

“Come over cause I want you around”

“I want you to rip up my dress”

“I want you to make me a mess”

Berkeley’s Breathing:

“You know that I haven't gone to bed yet”

“Just call me up, I'm a sure bet”

“Berkeley's been breathing since first time we met”

“I'm wide awake, I'm a sure bet”

“Backseats and salt stings, the air crisp and breezy”

“Card key hotel room, boy, I'm just that easy”

“You know that I haven't gone to bed yet”

“If you want in, there's no need for a knock”

“We keep our doors at night unlocked”

“Tip-tap the glass, cigarette or small talk”

“I'm wide awake, my door's unlocked”

“Rain poured, my heart tore, but you didn't mind much”

“A red face from hot days and built-up lust blood rush”

“Lesson, lesson learned”

“You'll just sit, my fingertips get burned”

“Open flame, windowsill all night long”

“Take what's left of my best unfinished song”

“I'm wide awake, I'm your best bet”

Michael:

“I never could believe in God”

“But always willing to give it a shot”

“If there is such a thing as magic human souls then mine looks a lot like Michael”

“Yes, my soul looks a lot like Michael”

“Manhattan baby, drop-out, drug abuse”

“Naively feel I've walked around in his shoes”

“He looked so thirsty when my heart is full”

"I pour every drop out to Michael”

“Yes, I pour out my soul to Michael”

“Oh, San Francisco savior”

“Do you remember me?”

“In a backseat on a golden bridge, kissing”

“Let's forget about the tears I've cried”

“And let's hold on to that first night”

“Under the table he took my hand”

“We sat across from the Green Day band”

“All of those boys, but I could only see his face”

“Think how me and Michael, we are just the same”

“Yes, me and Michael we are just the same”

“I might've had a boy, and he a girlfriend”

“But on nights like those nights, rules always bend”

“I'd give up anything to feel understood”

“I'd give up and run away if Michael would”

“Please remember me”

[princesskeda]

Heart of the Oni

After the supposed deaths of their friends and family, Nya, Lloyd, Pixal, and Misako cope with the aftermath of Harumi’s rein and try to move on with the help of some old friends. But not everyone grieves the same way. Meanwhile in the First Realm, the ninja are trying to survive and find a way home. Post S8, this started out as a speculative fiction about S9 but its so much more.

CHAPTER 4

4

Cole went to close off the entrance to cave.  For lack of any better options, he had spent the better part of their last hour of sunlight blasting a cavity into the side of one of the rock formations. It wasn’t pretty, but it would hopefully keep them safe for the night.

              “Don’t close it off, boulder brain!  How the heck are we supposed to breath?” Jay complained, stopping his friend.

              “Like this” It was Kai who answered him, using his fire to blast a smaller hole near the top of the cave and out into the night air.

              Jay looked at the hole and then back at Cole, who shrugged and closed off the opening.  Soon they were huddled together in the cramped, dark space.  The only light was weak and blue, emanating from Zane.

              “Oh…I wish we had a fire or something.  I hate cramped spaces…” Jay complained, wrapping his arms around his knees.   Kai lit up his hand in reply.

              “But I can’t do this all night.  Too bad there aren’t more plants around or we could have a real fire.”

              “Oh…I can think of a few things to burn…” Jay replied, eyeing Wu and his little stick of pain. Wu caught his glare and hid behind Cole, poking his head out and waving his stick.

              “Bad Jay…bad bad Jay!”

              “Would you guys cut it out?” Cole asked, exasperated.  He was exhausted after the last hour and didn’t feel like listening to fighting all night. He pulled Wu into his lap, trying to calm him down.

              “Sorry…Mom.” Jay muttered.  Cole rolled his eyes.  Silence ensued for a few more moments.  As usual, Jay broke it.

              “Wait…do you think our parents know what happened to us? Or Lloyd…or Nya??”

              The other Ninja looked up.  Zane frowned in concentration.

              “It’s hard to say whether anyone witnessed the Colossi destroy our ship, or if anyone witnessed us escaping off of it.  With no witnesses our friends may have just uncovered the destroyed bounty.  But perhaps they will think that we escaped.”

              “No chance.” Cole cut in. “Garmadon and Harumi will tell everyone we’re dead.  It’s the best way to ensure fear in the populace.  And we aren’t exactly around to prove them wrong.”

              “Great.  So now everyone thinks we died.” Kai punched the wall in frustration.  “We don’t even know if everyone else made it out ok. Last we saw Lloyd was stuck on that tram with Harumi.”

              “Oh my gosh!  What if Lloyd saw us? Maybe he saw us use the traveler’s tea…” Jay cut in.

              “By my calculations, the angle that Lloyd would be watching from would more likely give off the impression that we were crushed by the colossi.”

              “Uhhhgh, then everyone really does think we’re dead.”  Jay leaned back on the wall, and then sat back up. “My parents!  This is going to kill them!”

              Kai groaned and put his head in his hands. “I’m such an idiot.  The last thing I said to my sister was that Ninja don’t last forever.  I just hope that she can pull through this.  She’s never lost anyone when I’m not around to help her…”

              “Nya!  This is gonna kill her too!” Jay agreed, seeming to get more panicked by the minute. Then after a moment: “Who do you think she will miss more?”

              Zane smacked him across the back of the head.

              “OooOW! OKAY…maybe not the most sensitive question…”

But Zane wasn’t listening, already lost in his own thoughts.  

              “P.I.X.A.L and I were just reunited…and now we have been separated all over again.  I wonder what she will think of all of this.”

              Jay patted his back. “I’m sure your robot girlfriend will be fine.”  Zane just shook his head.  

              “I am afraid she will blame herself.  She wasn’t fighting the Collosi anymore when we were taken or she would have been there to help.  She must have gone to assist Lloyd or the others.”

              “Speaking of just being reunited…we just found our parents.  At the moment they’re off in who knows where.  I wonder when they will even know I’m missing…” Kai added.

              “I wonder if Cliff Gordon misses me.” Jay said wistfully.

              “Who?” Kai asked, confused.

              “They guy who plays Fritz Donnagon!”

              “And why would that guy miss you Jay?”

              Once again, Jay went a shade of red. “Because…because I’m his biggest fan, of course.” he finished lamely.  Kai shook his head.

              “I doubt he even knows you were ever born Jay, let alone that that you’re dead.”

              “You’d be surprised…” Jay muttered to himself.  

Only Cole wasn’t joining in on the conversation.  He just seemed to be staring off into space, inadvertently pulling Wu closer to him.  The toddler had fallen asleep and was snoring softly.

              “Cole? Are you alright?” Zane asked, pulling his friend from his thoughts.  

              “Huh? Me? Yeah, I’m fine” Cole said, trying to pull off a lighthearted laugh.  

              “It’s ok if you’re worried about your father, Cole.” Zane said kindly. Cole’s fists seemed to clench on their own.

              “Nah…no need to worry about him.  As long as Garmadon hasn’t shut down his performing group I’m sure he will be just fine.” he said.  He shifted Wu’s position in his arms.

              “I’m sure that…”

              “I said I’m fine.” Cole said again, in a tone that let Zane know that he was done talking about it.  The other ninja made eye contact, eyebrows raised.   It appeared they had encroached on a sensitive topic.  The truth was, Cole wasn’t even sure his father was mourning his loss.  He figured he should feel better knowing that his father wouldn’t be sad or angry or distraught…but somehow the thought of him continuing on with his life just as he always had made Cole feel very alone.   He had seen it before, when his mother had died.  Wu had said that singing and dancing was just Lou’s way of dealing with grief, but to Cole it felt like it was his father’s way of dealing with everything.  

All that would come of my loss will be a new hit single.

Cole thought bitterly. As the silence after Cole’s snap stretched longer, it seemed like a good time for the Ninja to try to get some sleep.

              Ronin stared up at the sign in front of the junkyard. Usually it was lit up with blinking neon…but the sign had been dark for the last couple of days.  He sighed and willed himself to approach the little trailer in the junkyard’s center.   He really hadn’t wanted to take this one, but Nya seemed more adamant against doing it than he did.  Something about a dinner date that she and Jay had never got to have with them, or something.  And now they never would.

              After he knocked, he could hear a little scuffling inside.  

              “Oh, Ed…do you suppose that’s him?  Maybe he escaped after all and has come home.”

              “Now, Edna…I told you not to get your hopes up.” But the hope in his own voice betrayed Ed’s true feelings.  The door swung open, and Ronin tried not to cringe at the crushing disappointment in the eyes of the junkyard owners.

              “Ah… Mr. Ronin…what an unexpected…er..surprise…” Ed said, trying his best to still be polite.  

              “Look, I didn’t mean to intrude on your afternoon…but I needed to share some information with you. Can I come in?” He winced inwardly as the hope seemed to light back in their eyes.  He had expected to find the couple mourning the loss of their only son. Instead, he found them clinging onto a hope that he was still out there…and he decided that the latter was harder to watch.  

              “You’re in luck, Mr. Ronin.  I just finished up another one of my famous crumb cakes.” Edna said as he took a seat on their couch.

              “Ah…thanks Mrs. Walker.   But I don’t mean to…”

              “Is our son alright Mr. Ronin? That’s why you came…right?  Because it’s too gosh darn dangerous for him to make his way to the junkyard on his own. That would be too obvious…”

              How the heck am I supposed to do this? Ronin thought.  I signed up to tell them about a funeral, not break it to them that Jay really is dead.  Better to just rip it off…like a bandage.

              “Actually, Mr. Walker, I came to invite you to the funeral.”

              The home fell into immediate silence, which was broken by the crashing sound of a plate of crumb cake hitting the ground.

              Ok…maybe that wasn’t the best course of action after all.

              “What I mean is…we wanted to do something to commemorate the loss of the Ninja…you know…”

              “But Mr. Ronin, our Jay is not lost” Edna cut in, her voice chillier than normal.   “Just because no one has seen him and because Lord Garmadon says he is dead….well, gee willikers, that don’t mean nothing to us.”

              “Now…Edna…” Ed’s voice was suddenly heavier.  He actually was getting on in years, Ronin realized.  He was always so perky and cheerful that it was hard to remember.  But in moments like this it was easy to see the years weighing down on him.

              “It’s tonight.  I know it’s not much notice, but we don’t really have the luxury of drawn out party plans.” He said, standing.  He had to get out of here…Edna had come behind her husband and they were holding hands.  No doubt that tears were en route, and Ronin and seen enough of those recently to last him a lifetime.  

              “The place to meet.” He finished, handing them a card. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you…we need you to be as discreet as possible.”  And with that, the thief hurried from the Walker’s home.

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[lonelypond]

Casual Lunacy, Ch. 43

NicoMaki, Love Live, 2.2K, 43/?

Tuesday’s Gray, Part 2

Every day, Kashima’s arrival in the dressing room stopped all progress as the actress playing Lucy and two of the three Sisters would jostle for position, giggling and pleading for Kashima to lace their bodices. Kashima, while not the most ept at the task, was always willing to try. And then Kotori or Anju or Nico or Eli would have to undo the damage.

Kashima was having her own problems today. No matter what she did, her collar would not lie properly. With a sigh, she glanced in the mirror, hands clumsy. This would all have been fixed if Kotori had just agreed to the cape. Kashima didn’t need special effects to convince the audience of Dracula’s mesmerizing powers and sure the lighting was cool, but if she just had a cape for swooping around the stage like a bat, how much better would the audience be able to visualize the full potential of the King Of Vampires. Working in the howl had filled out her portrayal, if only she’d had as much support from the costumers.

“Kashima.” A breathy voice whispered as a hand slid across her shoulder. Kashima smiled as she recognized the flowy caramel colored hair. Anju. A sympathetic costumer. Unlike Kotori.

“These wing collar tips feel grounded.” Kashima groaned. “And I still want a cape.”

Anju flipped them, “Not enough starch.”

“Starch?”

“Spray starch. If you take off your shirt, I’ll fix it.” Anju undid Kashima’s top button with a flirtatious smile but Kashima’s only reaction was to pop the rest of the snaps in a rough haste that made the seamstress in Anju wince. Right, this was Kashima, flattery was the way to win the field.

Anju hummed as she helped Kashima out of the shirt, “We can’t have anything drawing attention away from the way you get Dracula’s fierce hunger down to the bone.”

Kashima leaned in, looming over Anju’s neck, drawing her lips back, as if she already had her fangs in, “I skip dinner.”

Anju folded the shirt over her arm as Kashima sat with a sigh, “I can’t get you a cape. Kotori is so stubborn…” she let a hint of complaint invite Kashima to confide.

“I know. I have a vision for the character and the costume designer needs to respect that.” Kashima turned her head to smile as Sister #2 headed backstage.

“She really should.” Anju tugged the shoulder of Kashima’s tank top and let her voice swoon into the confidential range, “But I have an idea that’ll really make an impression on the audience, if you want to take a chance.”

Kashima’s eyes gleamed as Anju leaned in to whisper.

Maki stared at the ceiling, Nico had left but NICO was still everywhere, smug, confident, bouncing, sexy, demanding….breathless, Maki was still breathless and positive her legs would give out if she tried to stand.

“I can’t believe we did that.” She whispered to the ceiling, which had seen everything, but offered no explanation for Nico’s sudden....territorial tendencies.

“No-zooom-i” Nico’s voice dragged out Nozomi’s name shrilly as the future star of stage and screen leaned over the back of the seat next to Nozomi, “Maki’ll be here in a bit. Remember, no touching.” Nico patted Nozomi on the head as if she were a child and then flounced toward the stage to check her props, smug confidence in every rapid motion. Nozomi raised an eyebrow. What had Nico done with her girlfriend? Nozomi had gotten the impression that Nico was nervous about Maki watching Fangs, but there she was, pulling herself up onstage with the energy of three people and a smile that could outshine the downtown lights. Nozomi pulled out her cards. A little insight into how to treat Nico’s changeable girlfriend might be of benefit. King of Rods, reversed. Judgement. The Lovers. Of course, The Lovers. Nico was certainly at least half of a very volatile situations and surely, adding in a touch of lunar sensitivity intensified the mood. Judgement signalled choices would be made.

Nico was anxious for her cue, for the lights to start. Mina was a dream role, the real center of the play. She was the first onstage, the first speaker, the actual heart of the play, the woman who struggled so hard to save both friend and fiancé, the only one to defy Dracula, suffering the bite, but not bending under the threat, still holding on long enough to outlast him, to see her predator destroyed. MINA would have been a nice title for the play, but it was always about the men, or, in Kashima’s case, those who could use the tropes of masculinity to their advantage, who caught the attention. Although, Nico admitted, Fangs could also mean the Sisters and Lucy, poor Lucy, done in by Dracula and barely able to menace a baby. Nico shivered at the thought, suddenly grateful she had a nice, warm girlfriend with friendly, flirty fangs to curl up with when nightmares happened, when Kashima’s face, dark and hollow loomed from every shadow as Nico fled across a campus suddenly strange to her. Shaking herself out of that thought, Nico wondered if Maki had found her way to the theatre yet. The 5 minute call.  Time to go over her opening lines in her head, Mina’s first letter to Lucy, ranging from the buoyant, friendly flirtatious optimism of “Forgive my long delay in writing, but I have been simply overwhelmed with work. The life of an assistant schoolmistress is sometimes trying. I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air” to the later concern laced with enough grim overtones that the audience feels a shiver up their neck, ‘I have just had a few hurried lines from Jonathan from Transylvania...I am longing to hear all his news. It must be nice to see strange countries. I wonder if we -- I mean Jonathan and I -- shall ever see them together.” So much foreshadowing in one short line. Nico was thrilled to have such material to play with. She knew that by the end of each performance, the audience would be Team Heroine, cheering Mina, thanks to the deft portrayal by the queen of both smile and nuance herself, Nico.

“Hi.” Maki slid warily into the seat one down from Nozomi, red hair hidden under the gray hood of her Northwestern sweatshirt. No coat. Werewolves must run hot. Nozomi sniggered and Maki stared, eyes mostly shadowed, but Nozomi could see a glint of green glow.

“Hello, Maki. Welcome to Fangs. I’m Nozomi, your tour guide. Right now, the actors are getting into costume and doing hair and makeup. We’ve already checked props, light, sound and are now just waiting for the 7 o’clock start.”

Maki nodded, slouching.

“Did Nico-chi feed you or do you want a cookie?” Nozomi held out a small bag, full of no longer warm chocolate chip cookies lifted from the cafeteria. Maki’s hood fell back a little, Nozomi thought the redhead tired, a bit out of it as her hand reached for a cookie.

“So, having trouble sharing Nico?” Nozomi inquired, timed precisely to Maki biting down into her treat, then spewing cookie crumbs everywhere.

“What?” Maki rose, leaning over the seat between them, “how did you...what...did Nico say…that’s not...that’s.”

Nozomi waved a hand, “Calm down. The cards tell me these things.” A wink, “Didn’t Nico warn you about that?”

Maki pulled her hood back up, sulking.

“And I heard some interesting after karaoke stories.” Nozomi thought she heard a snarl. “So when Nico bopped in here, cheerful, and you weren’t with her, I was…” Nozomi wondered if Maki would react badly to the honesty of curious, “Concerned.”

A slight head movement in her direction told Nozomi the redhead was listening, “So I drew cards for you.” No response, so Nozomi barrelled right through her points, “Even if you were acting selfishly, that’s the Reversed King of Rods for you, always wanting things, that’s still a valid part of you, so accept it and get better. Judge yourself worthy.” Nozomi paused again. Still nothing. She was used to having a much more reactive audience. Maki was not going to be nearly as much fun to tease as Nico or Umi. “I pulled The Lovers again for you and Nico.”

Maki moved another seat away. Nozomi considered and moved to the seat next to Maki, offering another cookie, “I just want Nico to be happy. Don’t you?”

Maki sniffed at the cookie, considering. This time her voice was more confident, “It’s not really any of your business.” Maki took the cookie, watching Nozomi warily.

Nozomi winked, “You need to make your own choices, Maki, not go where Nico…”

Maki stood, about to storm out of the row, possibly out of the theatre, and then Nico would want to know what had happened. Nozomi grabbed the hem of Maki’s hoodie, “I really am just trying to help, Maki. Nico’s never really let anyone this close before. I’m just getting used to it.”

Maki turned, pushing the hood back, eyes narrow, mouth in a sexy, near feral snarl Kashima would have killed to be able to do, “It’s not for you to get used to. You may be Nico’s friend, but we don’t know each other.” Maki relaxed enough that the aggressive aura faded, “I’m getting used to this too and I don’t want to disappoint Nico. I didn’t ask you for advice. Please don’t push me.”

Nozomi nodded and sat back.

Maki dropped into the last seat in the row, leaving her backpack in the seat next to her, ignoring Nozomi, munching sullenly on the next cookie Nozomi handed her.

Maki was still too sensitive to her environment. Nico had ruthlessly activated every nerve and sense pathway she could reach, leaving Maki too open to sensations. And then, Nozomi, with Maki too aware of exactly how attractive Nozomi found her and everyone else with curves in the theatre. Eli was probably fortunate not to have werewolf senses. Maki was still in enough of a Nico haze that that just triggered more of a longing to just forget everything and steal away with Nico, which led to grumpiness and not dealing well with Nozomi’s impertinence. How did Nico handle that? Cloying and concern in equal mix with annoying and nosy. Maki was too used to guarding her privacy, keeping things hidden away. She was not going to turn into a person who had casual conversations about lycanthropy in the middle of a bustling theatre person. She had too much at risk and now with Nico, too much to lose.

Erena was back in the costume room with Anju, sitting on a table, kicking her leg back and forth, waiting for Tsubasa to be finished with her second act cues. Anju was working on several repairs, sewing machine motor purring as she slid the fabric under the needle. Kotori was in the theatre tonight, making notes about any changes she still needed to make.

Erena glanced at her phone. She had developed an app that alerted her to spikes in strength of the frequencies being transmitted. “It’s definitely the presence of an audience. Yazawa’s got her girlfriend here and her numbers are much stronger than Kashima’s tonight.” Erena pocketed her phone, “Thursday there’s a preview audience so we’ll be able to verify that and plan for surges.”

Anju nodded, finished the repair of the split inseam, “That will be useful.”

Erena stretched, “I’m a fan of as much data as possible.”

Tsubasa opened the door, stepped in and locked it behind her, “It’s getting harder to get any time alone this close to opening. I was here at 4 a.m. this morning and there were 3 people painting.”

“Everything’s already set up, isn’t it?” Anju stood, folding the pants over a hanger.

Tsubasa shook her head, glancing at Erena for support, “I’m afraid we’re going to run out of battery power, since we can’t plug a transmitter into the lighting grid or everything goes down. So we’re relying on the coffin set up.”

“Maybe we could go dark until Friday, get the most out of our equipment without risking anyone getting suspicious if we have to swap out the power.” Erena suggested slowly, curious as to how Anju would react.

The caramel haired woman glanced down at the metal wand Tsubasa had created for her, her fingers sliding across its surface, “Caution…” She frowned, “But what about calculating for surges?”

Tsubasa frowned, “Yeah. We’ve blown so many tubes.”

Erena grabbed a piece of scrap paper, bending over to do some quick calculations, showing the paper to Tsubasa, who read it over and nodded, “Could work. We do know the frequencies.”

“What?” Anju came up behind Erena, leaning over her outreached arm in an attempt to read the paper.

“I could adapt a field strength meter. We’d just have to leave it in the desk or something. Wouldn’t test the equipment but would give us numbers.”

“And if that doesn’t work tomorrow, we do a test run Thursday.” Anju stated, light eyes focused on distant thoughts.

“Agreed.” Erena took her calculations back. “I’ll head back to the office. Tojo can handle things here. Worst case scenario, we try again the next play.”

Anju had no time for that, but she smiled at Erena. Tonight, she was encouraging her allies. That was an easier task than dealing with the suddenly trickster Hanayo Koizumi.

A/N: It’s back

[gottalovelifeya]

First off let me say, I love her and want to be with her some of this may seem mean but all I can do is my best to get the complete msg out there and out there clearly.

Honestly after as open and honest as I've bene, and after putting up with this sick game, after telling her every last thing about myself, and after telling her every feeling I have for her, there's nothing I can say now toake her believe me.

If she throws all that away, because I forgot something wene asked, than honestly Itell still hurt, but I can definitely get over her, and I'm not saying that in a mean way.

These past 3 weeks, I've just had to put up with alot and and bene on a emotional rollercoaster, and you know what, ill still do it and would do it again of there was even a chance with her.

I just have this problem were I need to know information about potential threats/hazards/BS and she's never bene in a world like, were you have to plan for every single outcome were lives could be the price of not doing that, she dosnt understand, but that's one of my flaws I carry from my past, because I've seen a fucked up world were you don't just see your home town, wene your mind is on the globe as a hole and just haveing to consume news and media and know what's going on everywhere becuse you have to be ready to go there in a moment's notice to go fight and die, I spilled blood on the other side of the world so that people here don't have to think the way I do and experience what I've bene threw, you have to transform your mind into a mithoducal and cold calculated risk assessing thing, you have to imbrace that there are people in the world who want, you, your loved ones, and your fellow countrymen dead, all because they just hate that you exist

A good quote that summarizes why I'm this way, and it really speaks volumes

- good men do bad things, so that you can lay your head down at night and never have to see the reality of how terrifying the world is.

you have to fortify your mind and start thinking in a completely different way to love that life, you have to be ready and willing to do so really Hanis shit to keep the people close to you safe weather it's your brothers in arms or your family, because the world is nobody's friend, and I'm a product of the military mind set, it was our job, to find people and distroy them. And how I find people now is a extremely waters down version of why kinds of resources I had than.

But here in good ol' america you don't destroy people, you don't hunt down people, you don't phisicaly hurt someone unless it's a last resort, and a peacful agreement cant be reached. This is all just step to take preventative action latter so a real problem can't happen.

So lets talk about a little backdrop to set the tone for what all that means, so there's this other guy that if me and her got together like I've bene blogging about, I see a possibility of him being a problem, and once I have her I can't loose her to some dumb shit like this game were playing, so if I ever found out, I would go to his house nock on his door, and tell him to quit his shit, and thated be the end of it, and not trying to be scary but I know his name, face, work history, and phone number, and address.

With information like that, you just show up at someone's home and say hey don't fuck with my life or the people in it, and the magority of people in this world would take that as a sign to back off and comply. And thated just be the end of it

These past 3 weeks, All I know is Ive put up with to much shit and bene put threw to much pain and dread, and just living this horrible reality were were she actually is with someone else but have to accept it, because I can't just call him and end it or do some off the wall shit that would ultimately hurt her or make her look bad

So all I'm saying is, if I forgot to say one little detail wene you asked a question the worlds not ending so do t let it. I really am sorry I forgot to say something, but honestly wene I told you I knew his name I didn't know this other stuff, and there's no way it was just 4 days ago that I told you that I told you his name weeks ago.

Cut me a little slack, your not the one getting screwed over. I've bene nothing but good to you and done all you will let me do to help you. So don't throw away all we've talked about and cryed over because if this. I'm on your side, and you know what I just haven't bene treated right in all this, and I put up with it because in the end this life with you would be worth that. but that's not fair to me

Because I'm sorry to say, I've seen the world and know how bad it is, now yes running a background check on a boyfriend might be a little extreme and overkill for the situation, but hey, that's the world I come from, and I just need to know what I'm up against.

So love if you read this, this isn't me being mean or hatefull, I'm just trying to tell my story so I can read it, and figure it out on my side of things, I honestly don't think I did anything worng, I didn't intend to withhold information. Shit just happens, so please don't think bad of me

But that statement towerds the top, if your willing to though this away, or abandon me for a slip up, and just me haveing control over my life, and wanting information, than honestly the illusion will be broken and I'll be fine, if I'm worth that little to you, and if this of all things kills it you realy were just a dream

Again this is for me, this is my story of the night, I still love you, and I still want you, but if you cut off what we got going because you think I'm scary or hideing shit your a lost cause, because I can't fix or change that, that's a you thing at that point.

Don't take offense because your still saying you have to think about it. That's just the outcome of my thot process if you really cant come to terms or just accept that flaw of mine, becuse I accept your flaws, for better or worse, becuse nobody's perfect and love is looking past the flaws and seeing the person, and that why I tell you your perfect because I can see who you are, and I can see your soul and I know your a good person dispite the past and our current challenges.

We've just bene shaped by 2 different worlds, I promise I'm not a bad guy, and I promise I'm not scary, but information is power, and in that game I hold every card and hold It close to my chest. Because if there's ever a real problem itell get handled, because I don't play games on or with people, except for this one scenario we find our selves in now, because I see a light at the end of the tunnel and its your prity little face.

Regardless I'll always be here for you if you call and need something, weather it's me or just help from me. Hell it can litterly be anything you want.

Let me just explain this before I wrap this up, how do I find what I find, how do I know what I know, so anytime someone links there email to something, anytime they make an account, anytime you do anything on the internet, or register a vehicle, claim a asset, or do anything that gets submitted into a data base, you leave a trail behind you. So will call them "crumbs", so whenever someone wants to find something out they can use those "crumbs" to patch everything together, it's all public information, its all out there, anybody can do it, it's just learning to do it is the complicated part and it's something you have to show, I could never explain it to you, now there are hundreds of ways to protect yourself, but once your out there you can never make any of it go away, you can only prevent future "crumbs" from showing up, so it's all out there and anybody, can use the "crumbs" to search who you are and anything about you, everything I found was done legally, and it's all online, its there for the world to see, but again your average person dosnt think like me, because it's almost like a puzzle and you have to take words, emails, and found accounts, and then bend and find trends to find more, I believe it's called analytics but I'm not 100% basically is observation and patterns, and once you learn to see patterns the way I do, all you need is a single crumb, and for me that was his name, and then it leads to everything else. Public records are a scary thing, and the shit people post on the internet is baffling that you'd let random people see your life. I'll teach you about computer security of you want. And how to not leave "crumbs"

So I hope this all gives you something to think about and maby explains my feeling on it, I don't know honestly, I'm just more interested to see if you can except me at this point because I've told you everything and bene 100% honest, and with everything I've put up with in this situation, if you can't accept me now, itell say alot about you as a person, and again itell suck, but if you can't, than I honestly won't want anything to do with you, it would really feel like betrayal honestly, I've full given myself to you, and if this is enough to completely thro you off your game and think I'm a monster or a bad person, than wear not ment to be. I deal with my problems my own way and I make plains and seek information to prevent future problems.

Also that trust problems stuff, it really is just me being upset about the phone blocking thing, I think that's a sick discussting thing to do to someone who loves you. And ied appreciate it if you just never did it again.

And the trust comment about his address, water under the bridge.

So, I really do love you with all my heart, and I really do care about you and appreciate you. And all I want is to build a happy life and family with you.

I am a good person and I will be good to you and our future family, but to anybody who trys to take you or my family, they won't be tolerated. And I just don't see how that's a bad or scary thing, that I'm playing 4D Chess so that issues can't become problems. Hell look at my retirement as an example, I'm 23 and will never have financial problems, I've accounted for the future and played my cards smartly. So I know everything know so that I can peacefully resolve a situation later. That's all it is.

So reach out wene your ready, and I'll respect whatever you have to say about it, wether you accept it or if you don't, for better or worse. Just don't think I'm scary, and don't think any off this is mean, don't think anything bad would ever happen to him. I'm not a thug and I'm not a murderer, I'm simply a guy who looks out for himself and his household.

So just take your time and think, and hell ied almost say wait until you dicide to leave him or not, then reach out, but it's all about how you want this to go, I just know how fragile this is so this will be my last post, and I'll just wait on word from you. So if you read this and don't think I explained it well, or it just dosnt sit right with you.

Than, I love you, always remember I love you, and know in your heart for all my imperfections and all my flaws I love you, and Ill always here for you if you need me

And last but not least this isnt me giving up hope, and I'm not turning my back on you, my feelings are hurt, and my pacints is thin, but none of this is me trying to take It out on you, or me trying to be spitefull to you.

hopefully the next time we talk, you will accept me for me, and yull be single.

I love you