#i am very emotionally unstable ngl

[no-one-hears-me]

the light and joy I mentioned having an hour ago? no longer present

[kaiserposting]

ngl still being a kaiser fan after 261 is lame

Omg this ask got me so tight when I got to it I had to hop on mylaptop to type my essay

Ok this is a little Personal and some of yall aren gonna fuck with me after this but it's ok . Kaiser is a character I identify with because he's a good portrayal of someone with NPD so WE WILL GET INTO IT!

So like that being said. What do you mean 'Still liking Kaiser after the leaks is lame' like genuinely what do you mean. I just woke up but are you guys like SURPRISED by this. I liked him when he was introduced and this is what he was acting like. There have been A HUNDRED more chapters of him acting the same way past introduction. And now he's still acting like it. I understand if you just hate him right off the bat that makes sense but this doesn't really. Even if you're one of those people who just liked him for the backstory reveal because you have a I Can Treat You Better hero complex re:abuse victims that behavior WAS shown EVEN IN 260. "I hit the ball but it doesn't hit back" - the author has a very specific way of writing and this was VERY much intentional

Also like I understand there might be an initial shock when reading such words. Like it's Unpleasant it's Ugly. But also it boils down to a State of mind which personally I've observed as common among victims of severe trauma. "These people are born 'humans'. Different from me, they were born 'wanted humans'." = I hate people who weren't hurt the same way I was because I am jealous and bitter, I'm so jealous and bitter it feels good to me to make others feel like shit. And I'm not trying to get on some Hurt People Hurt People bullshit because that shit is annoying and apologia but what I'm trying to say is that sometimes Trauma makes you unpleasant and ugly and erratic and I appreciate that Kaneshiro actually wrote it out. Also like that feeling by itself isn't inherently evil. I think it's a very natural response! In this case Kaiser goes too far not by experiencing this emotion but by acting on it.

So now with THAT out of the way too, I think we need to sit down and think more into the Ness situation. So first he says, "I can't accept kindness because all I know is malice. If anything I think malice makes life easier." Then he goes to say he is specifically looking for someone to make a "dog to his malice" and reads a psychology book to achieve that. Like first of all I'm sorry but that is so comically evil it's hilarious to me. He read a textbook to be a more efficient male manipulator. But anyway the way I understand that isn't a deep underlying evil within him but a need for control. I think he believes everyone will hurt and disorient him unless he feels like he's Controlling them. From an abusive household the only relationship dynamic he knows is person of authority - inferior party. His only friend is Ness and the only person he feels safe around being Ness is because of he tells himself Ness is his "dog" and therefore won't ever raise a hand to him. And that's because he thinks anyone who isn't his dog/under his control will do exactly that.

And so... If we go from there, from the parallel we understand Kaiser didn't see his meeting with Ness the same way Ness sees it. However, that doesn't mean Kaiser's view is the objective truth. I think they're both UNRELIABLE and EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE. So what that means is that Ness sees his time together with Kaiser through a more glorified lens, while Kaiser denies himself thinking of Ness as a companion because that puts him in a vulnerable spot, so to maintain his feeling of being in control he exerts distance and tells himself Heh we aren't actually friends because he doesn't even know that one time I giggled at him in the showers I was actually just manipulating him all along because I am sooo evil and untouchable 😏. Like do we actually take this perception at face value here because to me it just seems like a Scared and Cowardly person trying to act out his idea of a strong person because the ONLY other time he's been in any meaningful proximity to someone he got beat up and degraded.

With that I also think Kaiser is very much narcissist posturing. He'slying to himself to make himself seem invulnerable and self-aggrandizing himself through his malice (I think pretending we are 100% evil and irredeemable makes a lot of us feel safe because it seems inhuman and people are easily hurt so you don't Ever want to be a multidimensional person with layered personality traits). Because like if you think about it without the emotional reaction of "I hope Ness kills you you stupid whore" that we all have... He actually isn't doing anything that big. Like in his head he's like Heh I'm soooo Patrick Bateman I have all the control 😏 but all he did was like find a guy to play football with.

Like he's trying to say to himself that he's all that. Sure he does insult Ness and that's not good! But he didn't pull off some Complicated deeply horrific scheme. I do not believe Kaiser has an objective view of himself. It really takes away the power from all of that when you realize what he's doing is just Very Pathetic and Paranoid and Intimacy Averse. "I can't have normal friends let me get this guy in on my master servant roleplay and I'll act like he's not enjoying it too because it'll make me feel more powerful" Men will do anything but go to counseling

Addendum: This is also not Kaiser. Now I don't know what kind of person Kaiser is but considering I read it as him suffering from NPD/a disordered personality that means he doesn't have a "real" identity most of the time, this is a shell we're seeing. He just has a mask maybe there's something underneath maybe there isn't and he's empty inside, but the point is he is the kind of character who has a specific way they want to portray themselves and will lie to both themselves and the audience to achieve it. Yes I believe that includes the I'm a male manipulator evilest person alive 😏 shtick too (I think the actual truth is probably somewhere in the middle of his and Ness's view. Most likely they're both incorrect).

Notice how Barou and Rin overcame things? That is because they have a real ego. Kaiser doesn't have a "real ego"/sense of self right now, all he has is his selfish act. I believe that is intentional because I think the Blue Lock mangaka shows a good grasp and understanding of psychology. The development is pointing towards him actually getting one during this match we'll see. Hey he might even change and grow as a person if that happens but I wouldn't get too overly optimistic!

Also we need to understand that we only see these people playing football we don't know what the fuck he's like outside of that. I currently don't have any reason to believe he's anything beyond rude and insufferable when like talking to people who aren't his football rivals and in Blue Lock on principle I believe everyone is at least 30% a better more bearable person off the field.

And to finish off my demented rant some of yall are fucking HYPOCRITICAL. So when Isagi takes joy in ruining people's dreams it's fine but when Kaiser does it he needs to kill himself? Let's be very serious.

TL;DR Kaiser's behavior makes total sense, his 261 characterization falls in line with everything we've seen of him before so there's no need for shock, and he looked good being dysfunctional and messed up too

[theflowergothic]

The people pointing out that Max should know by now that K is an awful mother, should also take into account that Max has been subjected to an unstable home life and the Jos Verstappen parenting style (which was literally abuse). The other parenting style or family M has been exposed to at length is K and her own family; neither of them being even close to decent. I'm not counting Vic into this, because it seems he meets his Mom and Vic for a few days or weeks in a year. Considering F1 is a luxury sport, they literally live in Monaco, they've nannies for P, he travels alone a lot, sometimes with K&P, or only K, and whenever there is a break, they're on vacations (or he's doing sim); it would've been very easy for K to emotionally manipulate him into thinking that she is in fact a hard-working and progressive mom.

Btw ngl I found his "your own DNA/baby is always good" comment a little unsettling.

I mean he has literally been a part of P's life for a good few years and definitely adores her. Sure he won't take any major decisions in P's life, but he would've been a little involved in her upbringing (if he was genuinely serious about K). His constant clarification that he is not her dad always had a tone like 'Well that's the daughter of this woman I am currently dating.' Did he at some point before planning a whole new baby with K, not consider her his endgame? Start interacting and getting involved in P's life as someone there to stay in her life?

His past statements and behaviour are so contradicting to the present, that he has just ended up being an unreliable source of information about his own life.

While K has numerous faults, M is also not in any way ready to be an actual parent, i.e. shaping a young mind with values, boundaries, morals or behaviours. I think he genuinely thinks what K does is actual parenting.

In the current grid, if announced tomorrow they're also expecting; I would definitely bet 3 drivers to be nurturing parents with healthy family dynamics- Charles, George and Alex.

Btw Kudos for the master list you compiled! (sorry for the long rant)

It’s all good! I think you got a lot of what people are thinking down in text.

Thank you!!!

[arcgayne]

my reasoning:

(these rankings are based on multiple criteria, such as relatability, hotness, relevance, how interesting they are as a character, and so on and so forth).

1) Jinx: she’s literally me. so silly and mentally unstable. needs therapy so bad and it shows. i fucking love her. please get help queen

2) Ekko: literally has never done anything wrong ever. moral compass strong as fuck. bonus points for looking cool. he’s also literally me but jinx wins over him bc she’s more unhinged.

3) Viktor: my fucking beloved. Do I want to be him? Do I want to be with him? Realistically I want neither of these things but unrealistically I need this man in ways even the hexcore couldn’t comprehend.

4) Mel: God I fucking love a powerful smart beautiful woman. AND she has mommy issues? she’s literally perfect. i’m rotating her in my head as we speak

5) Vi: hot tragic lesbian. almost lost points for becoming a cop but then she quit so it’s all good. for now. I have knowledge about what she ends up doing bc of the video game and I am currently choosing to ignore it in favor of the show timeline. Let me dream.

6) Sevika: hot. muscles. vodka aunt. hot. emotionally unavailable. hot. did i mention hot

7) grayson: i think it’s hilarious that she ranks higher than everyone else below her on this list. she literally only gets points for being attractive. especially her voice like ugghhh. what else can i say.

8) sky: perfect angel. so fucking smart and cool. deserves better. i need to know more about her or i will actually explode. hearing her voice made me so happy y’all have no idea

9) powder: baby. deserves the world. only ranks lower bc she doesn’t exactly “exist” anymore or whatever. justice for powder AND jinx 2025

10) caitlyn: hot. but ew cop moment. the fact that her sympathy for zaunites was crushed so easily really annoys me. like girl do you even have principles. ur revenge era would be cool if it wasn’t police brutality like noooo caitlyn pls don’t let a dictator use you to further destabilize your country for her own gain you’re so sexyyy ahaha… idk man it’s complicated. she should quit her job and get a new one. and then get therapy.

11) Jayce: he’s interesting in that he is a good example of a privileged person attempting to make things better by utilizing the system, only to get sucked into said system, becoming part of it and therefore part of the problem. the road to hell is paved with good intentions. his intentions are so good and yet. he is idiot. I hope Ekko and heimydingy are able to lessen his idiocy.

12) ambessa: hooottttttttttt. so fucking hot. goddamn. have y’all SEEN the music video for blood sweat and tears. i’m fucking FERAL. unfortunately for her, looks aren’t everything and she’s the fucking worst so here we are.

13) elora: beautiful powerful wonderful woman. need more of her. what is her life like. have she and mel ever kissed. much to think about here.

14) heimerdinger: he’s annoying and he doesn’t take the much needed time to explain why he makes the decisions he’s making... but he’s also right. which i hate because he’s annoying. but i also like that he’s annoying because it shows the very true fact that ppl who are annoying can in fact be right about things. also his heist with ekko was funny and endearing so he has that going for him. ekko carried tho ngl

15) vander: he’s cool cuz he’s a swag dad. a kind man and a protective guy. all around a great dude tbh. ranks lower because he doesn’t have any particularly interesting character traits to me.

16) finn: he looks cool as fuck but isn’t relevant and is also kind of an annoying brat. which is funny but like also bro. stop.

17) ximena: literally lost some of her fingers to frostbite to protect her baby child kid son. based. i love her.

18) cassandra: milf. the scene with the her and the gun? cool as fuck. ranks lower bc, again, not very relevant. and also dead lol

19) tobias: imma be honest idrc abt tobias at all i just didn’t want to separate him from his wife. he has enough of that in the show LOL

20) claggor: sweet boy. deserved better. i wonder what he would be like now if he’d been able to grow up.

21) silco: morally i hate this guy but he’s also a fascinating character. he’s cool as fuck and a bitch. plus he does eyeball drugs. there are so many fucked up things about this dude i can’t list them all. overall he’s a very well done character and an absolutely fantastic villain. what a piece of work.

22) benzo: just an all around good dude. ranks low bc he’s extremely irrelevant. sorry dude. if this was a morals contest he’d obv be ranked higher, but it’s not, so here we are.

23) jericho: had to look him up LOLLLL thanks for making food for vi i guess. people who make food for other people are the best. that being said he ranks low because, again, irrelevant.

24) mylo: cringe fail asshole. not ranked last bc he was a kid, so i can give him the benefit of the doubt, cuz maybe he would’ve been a better person as an adult… but also he never got to be one so oops lol get ranked low loser

25) singed: brother euughhh. i like drugs too but not THAT much. maybe give this man some backstory and i’ll care about him. as it stands rn idgaf about this guy. i rebuke thee, get AWAY

26) marcus: fucking piece of shit rat. fuck this guy. selfish coward and i hate him forever. die

Here's a fun little sorter I put together for Arcane characters! Reblog with your list!

Let the sorting commence!

[vent-channel]

Do my friends actually hate me or am I just a month clean.

I don’t want any more scars guys but I genuinely don’t think I can keep feeling this deepness in my chest. My brain is literally fighting itself on relapse.

I got a little bit of dopamine today by buying some stuff so send me money so I can feel happy again by buying myself sh*t /j

It genuinely does feel like they don’t even like me though like why am I the weirdest person in the friend group. I try to deal with my emotions myself but I’m genuinely in one of those moods where I wanna leave the gc relapse and never talk to them again lol. But they’ve had enough toxic emotionally unstable people in their lives bro I can’t do that to them I can’t be another one and have them being upset and hurt when rlly it’s my own fault for having mental problems. Like they never even did anything and I feel so bad.

I’m probably incurable ngl

At least I have my gf. I don’t think these things very often about her and if I do it’s usually centred around me and not her. She’s genuinely the best person on earth if ur reading this my gf is better than urs. I’d change my whole life for her. One of my biggest fears about being disabled is that she won’t be able to rely on me to do stuff for her. She’s so beautiful. I haven’t seen her in a week because usually I see her at the weekend so I just want these stupid exams on Monday and Tuesday to be over so I can go see her because she’s the best person in the world and I genuinely become a better and more stable person when she’s there and whenever I leave I get sad again. I miss her so bad. She’s one of my oldest friends, my best friend and my lovely girlfriend.

Happy pride month enjoy this ig

[onmywaytohogwartsrn]

Why I Hate Dumbledore

I recently reread the books, and whilst doing so I compiled a list of reasons as to why I hate Albus Dumbledore. I am also writing an essay where I go into more detail but that will take a while because I procrastinate a lot sorry

Leaves Harry, a one year old, on a doorstep in the middle of Autumn

‘Troll in the Dungeons’: Sends Slytherins to the dungeons- (stupidity- despite being one of the greatest wizards in history?)

Takes the house cup away from the Slytherins

Allows Snape, a bully and asshole, to teach at school despite being an absolutely shit teacher and literally turning out to be a students biggest fear

Puts defenses in place for incredibly powerful people that eleven year olds are able to get through without too much difficulty- definitely would not have kept out Voldemort/Death Eaters

Literally does not tell anyone anything ever

Tells Harry and Hermione to go back in time, but like, indirectly? Doesn’t even tell them what to do? Despite the fact that there are lives on the line? They are children?

Left Sirius in Azkaban without even pushing for him to get a trial

Set Harry up like a lamb to the slaughter

Left Harry in an abusive household- ‘I knew I was condemning you to ten dark and difficult years’

Tells Harry he must play in the Triwizard tournament despite being underage. Hardly even investigates who put his name in, even though it could be potentially dangerous

Lets teenagers fight dragons- sensible

Leaves school for days at a time with very little instruction, whilst in the middle of a war, when he is in charge of protection hundreds of students

Makes Sirius stay in Grimmauld Place, a place where he was abused for years. (This can be argued as necessary protection, but still)

Possibly killed his sister

Allows Hagrid to be expelled for pretty much no reason. Did keep him on as groundskeeper though, so I must give him points for that. 

Sends Harry to greet Harry, instead of an actual teacher like all the other students. So Hagrid can feed Harry incredibly bias views of the Wizarding World, especially Slytherin and Dumbledore, which was a part of Dumbledore’s plan so Harry was his perfect little pawn

Harry is given such little information that it leads to Sirius’ death- his death could had been prevented if Dumbledore wasn’t such a manipulative bastard

Trelawney becomes an alcoholic, Dumbledore offers her practically no help and allows her to continue teaching, despite not being in a good state of mind to be teaching literal children. Even Harry, Mr Oblivious, notices this, despite not taking divination at the time she became an alcoholic. 

Takes Harry, sixteen years old, on a potentially life threatening mission, despite the fact that Harry cannot legally do magic outside of school or apparate. Literally has the entire Order behind him, but chooses to take an inexperienced sixteen year old, because that is of course, very smart and responsible

Makes Harry watch him die

Is aware that Draco is trying to kill him and does nothing. ‘Feeble attempts’. Students get hurt because of Dumbledore’s lack of action. 

Kept the fact that Harry and Dumbledore shared a Godric’s Hollow link a secret. (Insignificant, but still something that would have been nice to mention I guess)

Gave Harry literally no information about horcruxes

Hid the sword of Gryffindor and ‘forgot’ to tell Harry where it was

Is a general idiot and manipulative asshole

Grindewald, the second darkest wizard in history, got his slogan from Dumbledore. (’For the Greater Good.’)

Supposedly kept his sister ‘locked up’

Intended on taking his mentally unstable sister on a tour of the world with him and Grindewald, for the ‘greater good’ *sigh*

Hated Slytherins, was very bias towards Gryffindor. *to Snape* ‘You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we sort too soon’

Never got around to telling Harry about the Voldemort-Harry connection. ‘”We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength.” Said Dumbledore, his eyes still tightly shut, “meanwhile the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth, sometimes I have though that he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does meet his death, it will, truly, mean the end of Lord Voldemort”’

J.K Rowling likes him- she cannot be trusted. 

Goes after the Hallows himself because we all know that he is an egotistical power maniac :))

Won’t let Arabella Figg be nice to Harry when he visits her??

Realises in OOTP that Harry is human, and does not want to bond with him for then his selfish and stupid plan will not work because Harry has to die

Knew he was gonna die but did not prepare Harry or literally ANYONE other than Snape? Snape? Who would have had to have fled the OOTP after he killed Dumbledore anyway? Who was not that trustworthy? Like he literally left zero information with OOTP, instead choosing to leave it on a creepy as fuck, not trustworthy person and a child. *Slow clap for Dumbledore*

Empathy? What’s that? Has very little care for anyone except his stupid plan and is so emotionally distant it is kinda scary ngl. Very cold and distant at times, did not give a shit unless something benefited his plan or himself in someone. Like I’m telling you now, as a Slytherin, Dumbledore is literally more cunning than 90% of Slytherin, how is he not one of us? (It’s fine we don’t want him anyway)

You can argue that he cares for Harry I guess, but lets be honest, he literally only cares about success and power, I actually cannot with him right now 

Uses his power to emotionally manipulate Harry into becoming his ‘weapon’

His plan wasn’t even that good. Literally failed all the time, and all he does is drop hints. 

That’s it. Sorry, I know that the ordering of this is not very good, so I apologise, I had to turn these all from my notes into actual discernible sentences. I know that I am grappling at straws at some point, but I hate Dumbledore so much. Feel free to add your own! Thanks :D

[sunlitcigars]

Soft!Dallas Headcanons

(Is this a little ooc? Yes. Am I also a slut for Soft!Dallas? 110% also yes.)

(Not my GIF)

Tags: @lastluvbug @disasterinadress97​

General:

 Dallas would never admit it but he has separation anxiety 

It's always why he stays at Bucks because he knows he's not alone and also why he's always at the Curtis'

He's also got PTSD from New York

Certain gunshots trigger memories in him

We all know the boy is touch starved let's be honest

He's subtle about it though like him always swinging his arm around Johnny and/or touching shoulders with Ponyboy or anyone of the gang

He loves the feeling of someone running their fingers through his hair

He really enjoys cuddles

Doesn't really matter what kind they are he just wants someone to hold him and make him feel okay

Always has his shirt tucked in as a habit because back in New York a lot of people would touch up on him 

 When he's nervous or on the verge of a breakdown he either starts bouncing his legs non-stop or starts scratching at his arms 

Will also play with his ring if he has it on

When he's stressed out and doesn't want to bother the gang or anybody else he'll usually go to the lot and watch the clouds go by if it's nice whether 

But when it rains he'll usually be up in his room at Buck's and watch from his window as it passes by (same goes when it's snowing)

He may like rain but he's scared of thunderstorms

Whenever he hears thunder he either puts his knees to his chest and bury his head in his legs or cover his ears or both

When that happens at the Curtis' one of the guys rub his back and pull him close to them until it's over 

 One of the things he's also afraid of is the dark since his whole life has been consumed by it

If the power goes out when he's alone he grabs a pillow and imagines one of the gang or someone so it doesn't seem like he's alone 

If the power goes out when he's at the Curtis' he'll grab someone's arm or hide his face in their shoulders

Can make bombass cupcakes and cookies but no one has ever tried them except for Tim

He actually really likes jazz because it reminds him of a simpler time in his life

Dallas doesn't really like big parties because the amount of loud shouting reminds him of back in New York when either the police would shoot at random gang members or something else

HE'S EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE AND WE ALL KNOW IT 

Dallas was close to Mrs. Curtis because she was the only women in his life that represented a motherly figure to him 

But when he heard the news about the crash he locked himself up in his room silently crying and never left the room the gang or anyone for that matter saw him for at least two weeks

(The only time anyone saw him in between those two weeks was at Mr. and Mrs. Curtis' fun

NSFW:

He's the type to talk big but is actually really shy in bed

Some people thinks he's the bratty sub type but really he gets flustered so easily

He's packing a 5 ½ to 6 Inches let's be honest here

He's not good with words in bed so if he wants something he'll stutter it out or whisper/mutter it under his breath

He feels so vulnerable laid out naked for the person on the bed 

He wants to feel he's validated enough to know that he's loved by the person 

He won't say it to anyone but he loves the feeling of being filled with cum 

His nipples are sensitive as fuck

Like if someone only played with them he'd orgasm in less then four minutes

D A D D Y  K I N K

H U M I L I A T I O N  K I N K

O R G A S M  C O N T R O L

He's actually really vocal during sex but would muffle his sounds with a pillow or cover his mouth with his hand or bite down on his lips

He whimpers

A lot

If he's feeling special then he'll put on a little show whether that's him strip teasing or touching himself for someone

If he's having a one night stand he prefers to be on his stomach/or hand and knees but if he's in a relationship then he prefers to be on his back so he can look at them and feel comfortable and safe

Hickeys are a huge fuck yes because they remind him who he belongs to and shows people not to try and hook up with him

Another one night stand vs. An actual relationship is that he usually has a cigarette after having sex but if he's in a relationship then he doesn't need one since he already feels content

Aftercare is a huge part for him 

He loves getting pampered and cared for because it's the only time he feels like he doesn't have to act so tough and can relax and let his walls down

FYI he's capable of doing grabby hands just so y'all know

In A Relationship:

He's with the person 24/7

Will low key freak out if he doesn't know where they are and where they went

He's afraid of them finding someone better than him because he feels like he's not good enough for the other person 

Is a little possessive overprotective of the person

If he gets sent to jail he'll give the person his necklace until he's out

He'll also grab something from the person so it doesn't feel like he's completely alone in there

He won't show it but when him and the person are talking through the glass his eyes are filled with loneliness and desperation 

Once he's out he's not leaving their side

Will beat the shit out of anyone who talks shit about his person in a god damn heart beat

He used to be in an abusive relationship so he doesn't let down his walls all the way

If he did something wrong he's always expecting for the worse but then he has to remind himself that they aren't his ex

If him and the person are arguing and they lift up their arm to make a gesture or whatever he will flinch away from them

If they try and leave the bed he'll cling to them like his life depended on it

E X T R A clingy when drunk

He never said I love you so when he said it to the person for the first time he was a stuttering mess

DD/LB: (If you don't like this please don't bitch about it or just simply skip this part)

His headspace is between 4 to 5 years old

Loves when his caregivers call him pet names

Baby boy and prince are his favorite

Likes to color because it keeps his anxiety at a neutral level

Slurs some of his words

Has a fluffy stuffed elephant named Lilac

Finds comfort in his caregivers voice

Clingy

If he wants to be picked up he'll make grabby hands

If he's tired then he'll crawl into his caregivers lap and nuzzle his face into their neck

When he's feeling on the verge of little space in public he'll unnoticeably hold the person's arm 

One of his favorite Disney movie is 101 Dalmatians

Loves to cuddle up in warm blankets

He has a habit of grinding his teeth so his pacifiers help him a lot 

It also helps him whenever he needs a smoke

Or when he needs to bite his lips

Likes bubble baths

His favorite scent to use is lavender :)

Unlike when he's in big headspace he doesn't try and break the rules because when he used to his past caregiver gave him harsh punishments

The first person from the gang he came out to was Ponyboy

One day Ponyboy had to go to Buck's place and while he was in Dallas' room saw Lilac

When he asked him about it Dallas was going to make an excuse but just decided to tell Ponyboy about it

Ponyboy told him he wasn't gonna tell anyone and he kept his word

He kept telling Dallas to tell the gang for a week

It took him a lot to tell the gang he was a little

They all had mixed reactions

All of them were very confused until he explained what it is

(Except for Ponyboy of course)

Darry started to feel more protective over him 

Johnny was surprised because he didn't think of all people Dallas would ever be a little but he was cool with it as long as it helps him

Sodapop is actually really happy about it and he wouldn't mind playing with him when he's in little space

Steve was a little uncomfortable knowing that the reckless hood was a little but he came to accept it

Everyone was waiting for Two-Bit to respond but all of a sudden he just walked out the door without saying anything

Dallas was on the verge of a panic attack and it took awhile for the gang to calm him down

It wasn't until later when Two-Bit came back but this time with a bunch of stuff

He'd gotten Dallas a stuffed animal, bottles, and even a fluffy blanket

Dallas almost started crying ngl

At the end of the day he was just happy his only family accepted him (#supportivegang2020)

When he's in little space the gang tries their best not to smoke or drink around him

On Sundays when they're all not busy they'll watch Disney movies together

One or two of the gang members is alway with him when they're out in public 

With The Gang:

Ponyboy:

Ponyboy reads to Dally whenever he sees him having a bad day or getting nervous 

Whenever Ponyboy reads to him Dallas either has his head in his lap while Ponyboy occasionally runs his hand through his hair or has his head on his shoulder 

On the occasion Dallas tags along with Ponyboy to the library and sometimes picks out a random book he finds interesting or Ponyboy would like and show it to him

Secretly he hopes that Ponyboy would read it out loud to him 

Darry and Soda won't allow him to go to Buck's but if Dallas calls and says he needs him he will not hesitate to go out the door to care for his boyfriend

 If Ponyboy has track Dallas waits for him until it's over

Going to the lot has become a weekly thing for them

When Dallas isn't looking Ponyboy would sneak in a paper that has a poem on it in either his jackets or his pants

Since Dallas never really went to school he has a hard time reading huge words or some so when he's reading over Ponyboy's shoulder he'll ask him

"What's that word?"

"This one?"

"Yeah."

"Absquatulate?"

"Oh." 

Ponyboy finds it fucking adorable

Sodapop:

Sodapop would take him to Dairy Queen and get sundaes and park somewhere with a nice view or park in the parking lot and watch the cars go by

Dallas often goes to the DX and wait until his shift is over 

Sometimes Sodapop will randomly put his hat on Dallas

Whenever girls try and flirt with Sodapop, Dallas either gives them a death state or tell them to fuck off and say he's taken

 When Dallas starts crying Soda will wipe away his tears with his thumbs and kiss his cheeks

Jokingly gave Dallas a promise ring he found somewhere not expecting him to actually wear it but was surprised when he saw it on Dallas' finger

If they're at a party sometimes Soda wanders off but once he sees how uncomfortable Dallas he is he's immediately back at his side

Ponyboy and Darry have walked in on them cuddling on the couch SO MANY TIMES

One time they walked in on them making out heavily Darry had to cover Ponyboy's eyes

Sodapop thinks Dallas looks H O T in his flannels

Darry:

Dallas would always steal borrow Darry's shirt because he feels comforted by it whenever Darry's at work

He absolutely loves it when Darry wraps his arms around him and would always snuggle closer to his chest

(If you really think I'm gonna let Patrick Swayze's singing voice go to waste you're very mistaken)

Whenever he's having a hard time sleeping Darry would usually sing to him until he falls back asleep

Or when Dallas is on edge Darry will hold him close to his chest and sing to him softly until he feels calm again 

Dallas loves Darry's morning voice because it's so low and low key a turn on

When they're out in public Darry would hook his finger around Dallas' belt loops on his jeans to keep him close to him

Some people don't fuck with Dallas as much because they know if they do they'll have to deal with Darry and no one wants to do that unless they have a death wish

If Dallas starts acting up in public all it takes is for Darry to whisper in his ear "behave" 

Darry once talked about the type of flowers his mom liked and kept in the house then a few days later when he got off work he saw the flowers he was talking about in a vase on the dining table with a paper attached saying "Don't ask where I got the flowers and vase"

He almost started crying right then and there

When Dallas is drunk he'll cling to either Darry's chest or back like a koala

One time one of the gang walked in on Darry cooking while Dallas just clung to his back but they didn't say anything in fear of waking up with their dick cut off

Johnny:

Surprisingly Johnny gets protective over 

He will now hesitate to throw down when someone starts talking crap about them

If they're out in public Johnny's always holding Dallas' hand 

Or if they're at the Curtis' Johnny would glance at Dallas every so often to see if he's okay

They both helped each other let their walls down 

When Johnny sees Dallas on edge or not at his best he nudges his head against his shoulder or on his face in hopes of cheering him up (it works more often than he thought it would but he ain't complaining)

 Johnny sometimes shows Dallas some of his favorite places around town

They've fallen asleep in the lot cuddled next to one another multiple times

Johnny tops Dallas sorry not sorry

Sharing cigarettes like kisses

Johnny mindlessly puts his arm in front of Dallas whenever someone's trying to pick a fight

Everytime Dallas talks bad about himself Johnny will be like not on my watch and will do everything and anything to make Dallas feel better

Dallas has a hard time sleeping at night knowing Johnny's with his parents

3AM conversations about the what ifs of life

Two-Bit:

Two-Bit will crack jokes to Dallas when they're alone together about how much of a softie he really is

But if anyone else made fun of Dally he'd beat the literal shit out of them

Also tells bad pick up lines to him even though they're already boyfriends

"Do you have a name? Or can I call you mine?"

Dallas would usually say something back but would low key be blushing

Always trying to make Dallas laugh because he loves it when he does

Would totally smack Dallas' ass in front of the gang

 Respects Dallas' boundaries when he's not feeling it

Ms. Mathews is actually really fond of Dallas 

His sister gave him the whole "hurt my brother and I'll hunt you down" talk

He didn't take it seriously but he keeps it in the back of his head

Dallas is the only one to see Two-Bit's hair without grease and he will play with his hair for hours on end

Two-Bit once fell asleep to Dallas playing with his hair and when he woke up he was still doing it

If they're watching Mickey Mouse Dallas is always on Two-Bit's lap

When he sees Dallas upset he'll do voice impressions of random people (Dallas finds it stupid but it always lightens his mood)

Steve:

Whenever Dallas' on the verge of having a breakdown Steve will drive Dallas around town to calm down

Soft music would be playing in the background while Steve either rubs Dallas' thighs or hold his hand

Dallas would run his finger around Steve's tattoo whenever they're cuddling

Dallas loves laying his head on Steve's chest because it's both soft and muscular 

When he does Steve softly plays with his hair

Whenever he leaves for work he wraps his shirt or jacket around him so Dallas could sleep better

Steve is really observant so whenever he sees something wrong with Dallas he always asks if he's okay

Will glare at anyone who's eyeing his Dallas

Never ever takes his anger out on Dallas

(God will have to fight him if he does)

Dates at the drive in movies and later eating at the diner

They'd always park where they won't get noticed so they can sneak in a few make out sessions here and there ;)

When they go to the diner Dallas kinda feels bad because Steve's always paying for their meals but he always reassures him it's okay

Him and Dallas constantly flirt when he visits the DX

Sodapop finds it amusing and annoying but as long as his best friend is happy he couldn't give a shit

~

Please reblog or comment!

 Let me know if you want to see more and if you'd like any to be turned into a short fic 

Also huge shout out to @lastluvbug​ for helping me come up with most of these ideas! (Thank you for saving my braincells)

[simplyskipper]

My experience loosing wisdom teeth

Here's what has been going on since they removed my wisdom teeth plus during the process

I have been highly emotionally unstable and only able to watch children shows bc everything else makes me sad. so yes I've watched my little pony and ngl the songs slap

They gave me a frick ton of laughing gas

It smelled like cold

The spray before they gave me the injection was v cold

I heard a buzzing once they gassed me up?

I woke up like halfway through the surgery and fell back asleep

I didn't even realize I was asleep, just suddenly was awake

I wasn't that funny, I just felt loopy and couldn't walk. I also really felt like talking.

My milkshake spilled everywhere

I am chipmunk

I feel so soft uwu

I eat literally ice cream for every meal

I can't open my mouth very much for harder foods like pasta and cinnamon rolls (I just started this evening) and I have to suck it off the fork

My mouth is sore???

I've been getting the hiccups and exsistence is pain

I spilled so much stuff on my chin during the first day and couldn't feel it

I am afraid to brush my teeth and shower

I brushed my teeth a few minutes ago but there was blood and I panicked

Sanders sides is good

My stitches feel like gum flaps

I have bruise from stabby thing

My skin is allergic to the medical tape stuff so there's that

I keep getting hungry and I'm not sure if I've eaten a lot or a little bc my memory is all over the place

Here's my current appearance:

Gnight possibly if I actually sleep

[rhyglizzy]

maybe i’m not as passionate about helping people as i thought i was bc i literally hate doing anything for my family they’re just so ungrateful and entitled and i literally don’t ask anyone for anything EVER but with them at least when i don’t do everything they ask it means i’m selfish. and i’m just gonna have to accept that maybe i am. like i have dreams of helping people and i try to do so whenever i have the means to and i hate saying no to people. obviously the goal is to do things fully out of the kindness of my heart regardless of how appreciative people are bc ngl when i was volunteering it was some ungrateful ass mfs in those shelters but i still had to be nice and i was bc i actually got joy from helping so that overshadowed any negativity but idk if i just hate my family a lot or what. or maybe i’m just too unstable and able to be emotionally affected by any little thing bc seriously anything can make me mad at the world and the fact that i’m alive and i just wanna die like i think that’s a general underlying feeling i have at all times but very small stuff triggers it to come to the forefront and i just feel like i don’t even actually know myself or what would actually make me feel like life is worth living bc every time i think things are okay it goes away and everything feels pointless. i can think back to the earliest days that i considered killing myself and i’ve done so much more in life than i had at that time and i STILL feel like this. like normally that would be motivational like hey look you wanted to die but you didn’t and look at all you’ve done since then but instead it’s like hey look you wanted to die and you probably should’ve because your life still amounts to nothing ten years down the line and probably won’t for another ten years either. like 3 years ago i was the happiest i’d ever been and literally months later i went back to feeling the way i do and i decided to end my shit. like that’s what’s most discouraging no matter what i find to do that i think will be fulfilling it always fizzles out to nothing and it’s gonna be an endless cycle until i just decide it’s not worth wasting time and effort anymore

[dedalustephen]

back for a bit.

i was reading through my diary entries from before and my shit adhd working memory really... makes me forget that i dont actually live as good and privileged a life as i think (or my parents allege) i do

the amount of /trauma/ you can see younger me was put through as a result of my parents' breaking and broken relationship was... slightly insane? i dont think me now would be able to handle that

like my parents really... straight up never gave a fuck about my mental health? it doesnt really clock as Really Bad but threatening to throw the dog out bc ur kid is crying in the toilet and refusing to leave maybe isnt a good thing to do?

and that also neglects the fact ive had to function at "gets into oxf*rd as an intl student" level with undiagnosed adhd that is the root of many, many, many emotional issues (which again of course my parents were not kind to)

and /then/ when i stopped being judgy of everyone and started to appreciate the world around me, 2019 hit and my entire life was thrown into political crisis after crisis, the notes i had in late 2019... i was absolutely terrified then??? like im paraoid now but it was even worse then for me, mentally. and then there was corona, i lost everything i looked forward to, there was never a proper full stop to my secondary school life, and then i was launched into covid era uni life, and then when i got home i hated every moment of it bc my dad was moving out and my mom was dating someone else and i was basically living with reminders that the life i was starting to know how to appreciate was already gone forever.

and then i was stranded in the uk for a year, and still am, put into more and more stressful situations having to deal with an adult adhd diagnosis having to try out meds living alone etc. etc. etc. all while my parents continue to not really give a fuck about my mental health, etc.

and all this isnt counting the stress of studying a dse curriculum and studying at oxf.

not to give myself too many pats on the back but ive really been through quite a lot lol and im quite glad for my adhd impacting my working memory bc i dont actually rmb all this happening, im just dealing with the consequences lol

the whole i want to go home to feel safe and secure thing has probably been a running theme thing, i only really was able to identify and verbalize it as that now bc im physically away from what i call home :( when thing is i never really felt safe and secure at home for a majority of my childhood anyways...

so like 1) ive always been this emotionally unstable, its not some im only like this in uni thing, and 2) ive been forced into dealing with most if not all of the issues thatve been piled up /all in one go/ bc if not i literally cannot be a functional adult that gets thru uni,,,,it is not a wonder that im constantly stressed and breaking down rn lmaooo

oh and i forgot i was gay and trans in hk???? at a very homophobic christian girls school??????? and my crush was deeply suic*dal and i had to talk her out of suic*de like once every two days?????????

what the FUCK was going on

processing all of this in hindsight when im away from my parents, politics, my past etc. is... quite insane i just took all of this in stride. im literally going thru less insane stuff than i did as a child which is why i acc have the headspace to deal with all of this and the emotional stability to process this like this without resorting to vague convoluted poems... also meds help lol

anyways im going to go easy on myself with collections this week and a lot of stuff in the future, of course my standards wont drop but i'll be kinder if that makes sense? like i wont beat myself up over crying rn and if i procrastinate too much i'll know whats up (though procrastinstion is so, so, so stressful) and im still going thru a lot of stress and anxiety,,and while i think im not enough like jesus christ ive been thru some shit people dont usually go thru

it's like wait lemme count

oh god theres also the people pleaser religious guilt and also chinese continue bloodline etc. guilt wtf

like that's 8-9ish things i had to deal with that, with any single one, could very likely break a person completely on the mental side of things lmao

ngl im quite strong :')

anyways now that ive processed that or well, at least started to process it, it's time to move on grow up 現實令你快要快要變做大丈夫 etc except like very much on the emotional strength and not 現實應對能力 lmaooooooooooooooo not j*rs voice being a main motivater again what if i see him and im like omg thank u for singing so many songs!! u helped me process my trauma <333 like akdksjjfsjjfjs lmaooo

[shayberri789]

I wouldn’t say that my parents gave me everything I wanted, but when they didn’t they’d give me a logical reason or make a compromise. I grew up in a place where is wasn't safe for a kid (especially a girl) to be alone outside of their garden or school, and sometimes not even then. I had very little say in where I could go and If my my wanted me to go with her because she didn’t want me in the car or home alone, that was that and I had to listen. I had very little control in where I went so I turned to my toys and creating my own worlds. ngl, If my toys were taken from me I think I would have been a hell of a lot more fucked up than I am now (even though I personally think I’m actually a good daughter). One of my friends had a mom who acted in a similar way to the mom in the article and, as much as I love my friend, she’s turned out to have a very fucked up thinking cycle and is emotionally unstable. I am honestly scared for this kids. They’re too young and impressionable for this shit

oh my god

it’s because you’re evil

you can read this article here and it’s despicable and framed as a “declutter your life and get your kids to appreciate the moment~ by busting ~stuff addiction~ story

but the story goes that this mom was on a trip with her daughter and her daughter wanted a toy, and the parents said “no” and then the mom fixates on how her daughter couldn’t enjoy the ~amazing things~ they saw on their shitty family trip because she wanted to get that toy so bad.

so in retribution the mom on a cleaning spree took away not one, but every single toy her daughter had

and then began crowing about the amazing benefits that on the next trip the daughter didn’t ask for a single thing! and was quiet and manageable and shut up and “enjoyed” the moment and everything her parents wanted her to! amazing a child’s “addiction” to toys was cured!

toys are the only thing a kid owns. they are the only thing they have control over. When your kid goes to disney world or whatever with you, they are not in control even if they wanted to go. They did not choose to go to disney world. they can’t leave if they wanted to. they can’t pick how they get there, or where they go when they arrive.what may seem like “enjoying the moment” to an adult is actually “made to be a prop as a kid and dragged around when they didn’t choose to be, or to even go in the first place.”

this is not to say you can’t go someplace with your kid without it being miserable. I loved, and still love, going to museums with my family, for example. But when I was a kid, I didn’t pick to go or not. I was fortunate I had parents that listened to me and brought me places I enjoyed, rather than just brought me wherever and demanded I “enjoy the moment.” And usually, I got to buy one small thing when we went out, especially if my parents also bought things. It helped me feel like I was part of the trip.

God. I want to bring this lady’s poor kid out to that build-a-dino place and buy them their dino toy. It’s clear they tossed out what the kid actually likes and is interested in for the sake of this “declutter your life~bargain bin nameste~” horsecrap. Now the kid has nothing that’s their own and has been taught that asking for their interests is punished by everything they enjoy being taken away.

And who cares if the kid “forgets” about the toy after the trip? that doesn’t mean they never wanted it or could have done with out it. A kid is a kid, their memories don’t stretch back more than 10 years, a week or a month is a long time to them and an afternoon can change their mind. Disrespecting your kid’s wishes and taking every toy they have (and you gave them!) so they can pay attention to you and your horrible ego trips

like this may be what she says

Had I not experienced it with my own eyes, I would’ve never believed that an addiction to stuff could be broken that quickly.  The truth is that when I took all their stuff away, I was terrified at what would happen.  I worried that I was scarring them for life, depriving them of some essential developmental need, taking away their ability to self-entertain.

In reality, the opposite has happened.  Instead of being bored, they seem to have no shortage of things to do.  Their attention span is much longer and they are able to mindfully focus on their task at hand.  They color or read for hours at a time and happily spend the entire afternoon playing hide & seek or pretend.

They are far more content, able to appreciate the blessings that they do have, and able to truly enjoy the moment they are in without always having to move on to the next thing.  They are more creative and patient, more willing to share, far more empathetic towards the plight of others, and, with little to fight over, they hardly fight at all.

but what happened was that now that she’s romanticizing that her kids now have fewer boundaries, fewer things to do, ask less of her (and don’t kids always have to ask less and less and less!) and don’t get to enjoy the things their peers might like + talk about.

Your kids have no concept about being more “creative and patient,” lady. Kids just do what they do and don’t have any of this romanticization of their behaviors. Your kids have to be more empathetic, because without catering to their mother or to their peers who might have toys, they don’t have their own lives to retreat to now. And sure, they can play pretend. But like, so did I. And I had toys. And just because I was still playing as a kid didn’t mean I wasn’t miserable or was ~cured~ of having no friends and being bullied. Kids do not play because they are happy or healthy. kids play because that’s all their lives contain and if you take away their toys they HAVE to find a new alternative somehow. Sad kids still play.

 I wonder if she’s purposefully omitting the times that her kids being forced to play entirely in their mother’s territory with no personal boundaries have resulted in destruction of her home. But then again, these are her little angels~ who have become good kids~ when they were corrupted by the horrors of materialism~ are even capable of being miserable anymore.

I loathe this woman. Rescue her kids.

[dickie-gayson]

Writing Self-Evaluation for 2016 for @dickie-gayson 

Tagged by @camsthisky, thanks!

So, I realized I only published one story last year, holy shit. The rest is either A) Unfinished, B) That Bad I Gave Up, or C) Roleplaying stuff (excuses excuses). Jeeeeeze, I need to step up my story game lol 

1. Lists of works published this year (2016):

Mori Shej (FF.net/Ao3) It’s a Jason and Dick angsty hurt/comfort fic. 

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Well, seeing as Mori Shej is my only published one, it’d have to be that. However, I am still pretty proud of it. It’s not my best work, but it was a story I wrote on a whim and it’s addressing serious issues DC seems to overlook involving two of my favorite characters. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

The only option would be Mori Shej again, though there’s a reason some of those stories remain unpublished lmao In regards to Mori Shej, it’s taken a turn that I wasn’t anticipating, which is something I both love and hate. I love the growth of a story, seeing it expand and take a sort of life of its own. I hate it just a bit, as then what was originally planned needs to be rethought.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Mori Shej:

“You’re wrong. He wasn’t a failure.” He said it with such conviction, Jason could almost believe he meant it. But no, that was just that stupid hero-complex Dick had going on. Robin died and Dick had to make a martyr of him, the asshole. Jason let out a sharp laugh at his words. “Went off and got killed by a fuckin’ clown. Sounds like a failure to me.” It looked like Dick was just barely keeping himself from lashing out again. He really did look a hairsbreadth away from completely losing it. It was hard to revel in that when Jason was barely keeping it together himself. 

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Oooh man, that’s difficult cus I got some p funny and good reviews. I’m cheating and putting more than one cus I feel like a proud mama. ‘Why don't you just walk right up to me and punch me in the throat? This hits right in the honney nut feele'os. This was fantastic and I really enjoyed reading it.’

‘you wrecked my soul and i am emotionally unstable after reading this. absolutely brilliant piece of writing and trading my soul for this is just worth it. thank you for writing it‘

Somebody else said their boss caught them crying at work bcus of what I wrote. The reviews most certainly made my day. 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly, writing for the past few years has gotten increasingly difficult for me, hence the general lack of published work. A few years back, my mother passed away from cancer and I’ve been helping raise my younger siblings as a result. That, combined with my various disorders, and a plethora of drama has made sitting and just writing feel impossible. But, on the bright side, I thiiink I’m starting to get a bit better. I’ve gotten more done in the past few months than the past few years combined.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Writing Jason in general has been a surprise for me. I never expected the pov to be predominately his or to channel him as much as I do. I expected it to be Dick, for obvious reasons, but he seems to be significantly harder for me to write.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

For starters, I actually wrote lmao Seriously, though, I think I have grown a bit. I used to be very guilty of overly flowery writing and describing far too much. Let me dredge up an ooold example (2011):

“Screams. Oh, the screams! Grotesque wails so brittle they cracked the air like a cat o' nine cutting the soft flesh of silence. A wicked sound that crawled its way up your spine and into your brain. Its rapacious claws tore away at your sanity and sent you into a rabid frenzy of abject misfortunes. It was a symphony of horrid screeches and wails ranging from deep baritones to high falsettos.”

I was so fucking Extra™.  I’ve chilled in my writing. Toned it down and made it stop looking like I ate a thesaurus lmao

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’m hoping to write more in general. I’d also like to get better at pacing and keeping my stories on track. (also I need to get my ass working on paying attention to the tenses I use)

10. Who was your positive influence as a writer (could be another writer or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oooh my friend Syn is so good at encouraging me to keep going and also the best roleplay partner. Ily v much

My little sister is also a great cheerleader! I’ve got a friend irl who always asks me how my writing’s going, which is touching because she’s not a big reader but is always interested to know how I’m doing.

Most of my influences are other roleplay partners (I’ve been rping since ‘07 ngl) and they’ve really helped me develop through the years.

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year:

Nah, nothing that I could think of that I wrote. That might change this year, though.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

As corny as it sounds, and it’s not new at all, but don’t give up. Not on yourself or your writing. If you look at your writing and you feel its inadequate compared to others, just remember: we all start somewhere. I have some of my earliest writings saved, and let me tell you, I’m glad I didn’t give up. The improvements I’ve made were gradually and I hardly noticed it happening, but it did happen. Keeping pushing on and you’ll get to the point you want to, or at least be that much closer to it. Perseverance does pay off.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’m looking forward to finishing Mori Shej!

I’m also looking forward to starting some more Batfam stories, such as my Talon!Dick and AK!Jason story, BatKids Shenanigans, The Crow crossover, and some AUs. There’s a bunch of ideas stewing in my head. 

Not to mention, I’m both eager and nervous to start my own original works.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read: 

if you three are down for it! @thegalacticpope @haunt-the-stars @therutherfordwife