#i am trying to reach the target audience rn

[bylerforall]

the amount of people shitting on young royals just because it got renewed a few days after a wlw show was cancelled like guys.. bffr rn.. take a look at yourselves. HOW IS THIS THE SHOW’S FAULT.

[hero-israel]

I'm really trying not to panic.....but it's starting to feel more and more difficult to be openly Jewish and have a career in the arts. (I say this as an American Jew in the arts.) It feels like in ten years, if I don't basically commit to being a performatively self-hating Jew as hard as I can, I will have a fuck of a time finding an agent, collaborators, editors, etc -- all those things that make an actual career possible. Especially if I make literally any art about being Jewish. And what gets me is, I'm mixed race. Everyone is fucking desperate for me to perform the "less Jewish" (as they see it) part of me. It's complicated, people are still racist, but in many ways, they want this part. But if I discuss the other....it's not just that they're not interested/no one will pick it up. It's that now, it feels like it's putting a target on my back. Maybe no one will say "wow you filthy fucking Jew" out loud rn if I just make something about Jewish identity that totally sidesteps Israel, but 1. enough of them will think it, and 2. it means everyone will be hungry for ways to be like "oh? Jewish? okay so what are your thoughts on Israel? Are you okay with what's happening in Israel? Or are you a decent person???" Again, rn, maybe they won't say it....but I know people will think it. And enough will say it. And if I ever dare to discuss modern antisemitism in the most anodyne way, I will be completely suspect. The terrible irony is, I work in the comics industry. You know. That one that American Jews fucking built from the ground up.

I am so sorry you are going through that. It is prejudiced, tormenting, and unfair. And it's hard to think of anything I could say that would help. Are there Jewish peers in the industry you could reach out to - someone who could mentor you or at least who has a receptive agent already?

As you said, it is especially maddening to see shit like this happen in an industry that was invented by Jews. Though I guess it shouldn't be too much of a surprise, since the increasingly antisemitic political Left borrows its entire worldview and moral vocabulary from Jewish history and persecution.

Even major comic companies have had recent scandals concerning antisemitic tropes, and as far as the "indie" comic scene, forget it, it's all Joe Sacco or Eli Valley or just acres and acres of snarky snot and clueless tourists finding Judaism alienating and weird or bashing it to rebel against their parents. Jewish people aren't allowed to just exist, we always owe the audience a moral reading at the end, and our deaths aren't necessarily bad if they send the right message.

It is terrible that this rising prejudice is combining with the latent snotty attitudes that had already existed in the industry to add stumbling blocks to your career, and your sense of safety. I earnestly hope you can find trustworthy mentors and agents and that you are able to work around this.

[pinkwright]

Any advice on how to get started with writing on tumblr. I started a fic about shuri in my notes (I’m not even confident that it’s good enough) but I really am tired of posting on Wattpad but I also don’t know how tumblr works all that well 😭

i'm sorry yall i uninstalled tumblr so i'm literally just seeing these, but if my input is still relevant i would say; - find ur writing voice n stick w it, a lot of readers on here r rlly picky so things like grammar need to be consumer friendly (esp bc tumblr ppl r all about the aesthetics of reading, it has to appeal to them) but developing ur own writing voice helps us target ppl without having to change u or ur pen. - dont let negative emotions dictate how u approach ur work bc it will show (easier said than done but oh well u just have to try) - make sure u tag according to your work so it reaches the right audience mm i cant rrly think of more rn but good luck 🫂🎀

[monstergoblin]

The Owl Pirates Chapter Six

First Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Previous Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Posted First On A03 Here  I t’ll be updated on A03 first and might take me a bit to get to updating it here as I always seem to forget about my tumblr. <3

 Trigger Warnings Always Read Safe: Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Pushing down feelings, Overworking self to ignore feelings, Child Abuse (Belos is a bitch okay), Gaslighting, Self Gaslighting, Manipulation, Injuries

Notes: I just want to say chapters wont always be updated so quickly. I just have a lot of free time rn and am a bored goblin obsessed with pirates.

Chapter 6: The Beginning of Friendship

“Okay you can’t hate The Good Witch Azura without actually reading it.” Luz sighed taking the book from Hunter and returning it to her chest.

    If he was just going to complain about every option, why did he ask.

    “Even the summary sounds cheesy.” Hunter stated. “I’m not a child.”

    “The Good Witch Azura has plenty of heavier topics.” Luz informed. “Just because it was targeted for a younger audience doesn’t make it bad.” 

    Hunter let out a little annoyed huff, and Luz wanted to be happy he was actually having any sort of actual personality, but why did he have to be like that?

    “What are you wanting to read?” Luz sighed, turning to him. “Maybe that would help? Anything you’re looking for?”

    He shrugged.

    If Luz wasn’t a good person she’d slap him.

    “Fine, how about you pick one.” She gestured to her chest and moved so Hunter could bend down and look inside. 

    Of course the boy instantly reached for the their own writing her and Amity were creating putting themselves into The Good Witch Azura world.

    “Not that one.” Luz was fast to stop him.

    Hunter didn’t comment, just ignored the book and looked through the others. It took him a bit of picking up different books and reading the backs before he finally settled on one.

    “Rulers Reach?” Luz scoffed.

    “Better than The Good Witch.” Hunter stated. “I heard this one is popular.”

    “Okay.” Luz shrugged. She was not about to go on the spill of how King wrote that book, and how Eda had surprised him by publishing it on his birthday under the pen name Princely.  She hadn’t realized it was popular on the mainland, they only published it so King could see his book as a book. Most everyone on the ship had a copy now.

    Hunter then must've decided the conversation was over as he took the book and started heading out of the crew's quarters. 

    “Don’t I get a thank you?” Luz shouted after him.

    Hunter turned back to her for a split second. “Thank you.” he said dully before leaving.

    At least he was showing interest in something. Even if rudely.

-----------------

    It was silly to want to read when he should be focusing on other things, but reading had always been his escape back home and he longed for it again. It wasn’t like he wasn’t watching as he did his chores, trying to spot a weakness in the crew. Just in those quiet moments when there wasn’t much to do Hunter would allow himself to read, instead of sitting aimlessly waiting.

    It was nice to have something to look forward to in a day.

    He was still paying attention to everything around him. Even when he was rushing his chores so he could possibly sit down for just a moment. He was watching. 

    He pretended he didn’t notice the eyes on him waiting for him to do something. He had grown accustomed to the eyes of people on him waiting for him to screw up. What difference was it if they were waiting for a betrayal. At least they weren’t stupid.

    It became a routine. Doing the chores Eda was trying to occupy his time with- He did notice he had more chores than the others- he didn’t really mind. Always watching as the children who babysat him talked or tried to have him interact with others. Keeping track of every member of the crew while the day goes by. Trying to figure out how to exploit their weakness and somehow capture at least just Eda and Lilth. Then at the end of the day he would allow himself time to read.

    It was perfectly healthy. 

    He could probably trick any of the children into doing what he wanted. They were kids after all. Alador seemed easy to convince when he was working on something else- he saw Amity do it. Perry was more of a thinker than a threat, but if Gus was on board he’d probably be on board as Perry seemed to care a great deal about the boy. Harvey was more strict on making sure Hunter wasn’t getting in trouble but his husband Gilbert cooled him down easily. Steve was easy going even if he did stare a bit to long at Hunter for his liking.

    The problem being was the ‘authority’ on this ship. Eda was a wildcard, hard to predict and made strange decisions. She always had her eye on Hunter from across the ship and when Hunter looked towards her she’d make some stupid face or wink at him. 

    Camila was the first mate. She was- weird. She acted so sweet to everyone making sure they were getting things done but also taking time for themselves. She had expressed interest at Hunter reading. Also apparently Amity told her of his attempt at borrowing beforehand. She had defended herself with a “you told me not to tell Eda.” So he still technically owed the purple girl a favor.

    Lilith was always holding her head high around Hunter. Like any time he’d seen her back in the navy. The judgemental scoffs, stares at bad decisions, and always watching him. It was annoying. The only thing that got her attention away was the cursed bird Hooty. 

    Those three would be his real challenge in pulling anything off. They needed to trust him first, and in order for that to happen he had to exploit their weakness- Luz.

    All three loved the loud girl very much and if he could have Luz thinking he was trustworthy. Perhaps they’d soften up. If they did, the rest of the crew would follow. Then it was a matter of figuring out the next step.

    Hunter had learned an effective method on getting his chores done faster and earned himself time to sit. His current babysitter was Gus, who liked to give Hunter space and was talking to Willow across the deck. Gus was probably his favorite babysitter he got assigned. Matt was annoying, Luz was loud, Amity was too bossy, Willow always helped, Edric tried to get Hunter to answer meaningless questions and Emira tried to convince him to pull pranks. 

    Gus gave him space, so Hunter could actually enjoy his breaks.

    He was using this one to observe Luz, trying to come up with a plan. She was being chased around by the little creature King who was screaming about Luz needing to pay for her crimes. Luz was laughing and easily dodging the poor attempts at attacks. 

    Kings hood fell off in the chaos of chasing the older girl. underneath was a mess of black hair and finned ears. Hunter hadn’t realized before but now with the sun reflecting off of him, he could make out Kings skin wasn’t skin, but scales, that started a human tone and slowly gradient to black and white.

    Hunter read about mermaids and sirens being able to almost mock human forms.

    They were bad luck to find. Why would a pirate ship choose to keep one?

    “I demand a formal apology!” King shouted as he chased the girl around, he didn’t seem to mind his hood was off now.

    “You’ve got to catch me first!” Luz chuckled, leaping up on a barrel easily to escape the child's attempt at a bullrush.

    “Francois defend your ruler!” King threw the little octopus doll at Luz but missed by a good few feet and the little doll landed with a squeak. 

    “Oh!” Luz leapt over to the doll and swiped it up. “Looks like I’ve captured your soldier. What you gonna do about it.”

    “Francois no!” King pushed himself back up to his feet and tried to reach the doll from Luz’s much taller grasp.

    It was ridiculous but Hunter couldn’t help the smirk as Luz threw the doll up into the air and King pushed her down so he could catch it before her.

    “It’s okay Francois.” He comforted the doll before shoving it in Luz’s face “Get your revenge!”

    Luz was cackling as she tried to stop the doll.

    “You can join them if you want.”  Eda appearing beside him made Hunter jump. He clutched his chest trying to calm his heart. Eda chuckled at him. “They are always down for more playmates.”

    “I don’t play games.” Hunter stated tensing as he could feel Eda’s judgement.

    “There’s no harm in it.” Eda shrugged. “Unless you want more chores?” She offered.

    “Nope, I’m fine.” Hunter stood and started walking to the two children. He already was struggling finding time to think with the amount of chores he had already.

    He could feel Edas smirk as he approached the creature sitting on Luz hitting her with his doll.

    “Hunter?” Luz stopped now holding Kings arm from hitting her- proving she could’ve done it at any point.

    “It’s the angsty blond kid.” King piped in looking up at Hunter, not paying any mind to the fact Luz proved she could stop him.

    “Who calls me that?” Hunter hadn’t meant to snap.

    “Hooty.” King and Luz said at the same time.

    Whatever it didn’t matter .

    “Do you need something?” Luz asked.

    “Eda wants me to hang out with you.” Hunter crossed his arms. Though he wondered if Eda was even still watching or if he could’ve opted out of this. It worked with building trust anyway.

    “Isn’t Gus watching you?” Luz pushed King off of her and King sat next to her on the deck.

    Hunter shrugged. “Yeah, He’s talking to Willow.” He motioned his head the direction of the two.

    “Are you gonna play with us?” King asked with big eyes.

    He didn’t play games.

    But if it meant building trust.

    He shrugged.

    Luz grinned. That was probably a good thing?

    “Yay!” King jumped up to his feet. “This is Francois.” He introduce the octopus doll to Hunter. “If you want Francois not to kill you. You’ll bow to your king!” King did a little pose to try to be scary.

    Hunter was not going to bow to this child. 

    “Francois attack!” King threw the doll Hunter but Hunter caught it.

    “Maybe this game isn’t right for Hunter.” Luz reasoned with King.

    “Who wouldn’t enjoy bowing to me?” King pouted crossing his arms. “Okay, fine. What do we play instead?”

    Luz looked to Hunter as if to silently ask ‘what do you want to do?’

    Hunter didn’t know, He never had time for such silly things as games . He shrugged.

    “A game for a navy boy?” King pondered aloud. “A game for a navy boy. I know!” He waved his finger in the air. “Let’s reenact the story book! The chapter where the girl finds the crazy witch.” 

    “I don’t think Hunter’s read it.” Luz sighed at the childs idea.

    “It’s fine! We’ll tell him how to act. Make him be that little demon dog thing the witch had.” King insisted. “I’ll be the evil witch and Luz can be the human girl!”

    “What is he talking about?” Hunter scoffed.

    “It’s this book Edas been reading to him.” Luz explained. “Just go along with it.”

    Which is how Hunter ended up following King around as he pretended to be an evil witch. Cackling at random things, mixing ‘potions’ and selling things of no value for a high price. Hunter mostly just observed Luz and King play the game as they said lines of dialogue from said book, he only responded when they told him what he was supposed to say. It was mostly little roars that Hunter put no energy behind.

    It was strange.

    It wasn’t until they ‘finished the chapter’ that the two were done. King decided he was done playing and gave Luz a hug before leaving to the captains quarters.

    “That was really cool of you.” Luz leaned against the rails with Hunter.

    He just made a fool of himself. How was that cool?

    “I know you were bored the whole time.” Luz continued. “It was a nice thing to do.” 

    He did something right.

    “I didn’t mind.” Hunter lied. He was insanely annoyed by the child's demanding ways but in the end it seemed to have been worth it.

    “You so did.” Luz gave a little punch to Hunters arm.

    Why did she punch him? It didn’t hurt but still? He thought he done good?

    “Woah.” Luz put her hand in the air in defense. “It wasn’t an attack, don't look at me like that.”

    “You punched me?” Hunter questioned holding the spot she had. 

    “It was a friendly punch.” Luz explained. “Sorry I didn’t mean to insult you.”

    Oh. Who does that?

    Hunter didn’t respond. He shouldn’t have jumped to defense so quickly, that wasn’t how one earned trust.

    “Are you enjoying Rulers Reach?” Luz changed the topic after a few moments of silence.

    Right, the book. That was something to talk about.

    “Yeah.” Hunter did not lie. He was enjoying it. “There’s a lot of violence but it's an interesting read. I like how Princely describes the world.”

    “Complex.” Luz repeated as if she didn't agree- which she'd be wrong not to. “How far did you get?”

    “Luzara just killed that evil mayor. '' Hunter shrugged. “I can’t remember the mayor's name but he was an asshole. Hiding all the stuff from everyone. I was so happy he died.” He bit his lip to fight the urge to ramble about everything he’s read already. He needed this girl to like him and not be annoyed at him.

    “Well I won’t spoil anything.” Luz smiled. “Just treat my book good.”

    “I am.” Hunter assured. 

    “If there’s any new tears in it I’ll know.” Luz teased with a little glare.

    Luz’s weakness was that she trusted too easily. She was so kind to him when she didn’t know him. She was naive.

    Which was great for Hunter.

-------------

    It was a week now that Hunter had joined the crew. He still was stand-off-ish and only talked when spoken to, except on special occasions. Gus had been surprised to see the boy playing with King and Luz. It clearly wasn’t his taste so Gus had to assume someone- probably Eda- had pushed him to do it. 

    Gus also noticed that the boy had started reading. Luz had lended him her copy of Rulers Reach and when Gus asked about it to Hunter the boy seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it as he ended up rambling about this part he was on before cutting himself off. 

    Hunter was nervous to be himself.

     or

    Perhaps Hunter didn't allow himself to be himself.

    Gus could recognize it. He himself used to have the nervousness of fitting in back home. No one liked the boy who had “visions.” He’d gotten used to the behavior of others and overtime met Willow. Willow who needed him as much as he needed her. Until they got caught up with Luz- the pirate.

    Luz had a way of breaking into people's hearts. It was only a matter of time before Hunter was attached. He already seemed to be on track of calling her a friend. Even if the ex-navy denied it.

    Hunter seemed to still be one of the main conversations of the crew. As Bump’s island grew nearer they were curious what the boy was going to do. Luz was worried he’d leave, but some were worried he’d stay.

    Gus had a feeling the boy was going to stay. 

Luz was up in the crows nest calling the ships and which side they were on as they approached Bumps island. They had no worry of coming up on a fight around here as this was neutral area. Everyone knew better than to fight in Bump’s zone. He was a powerful ex-captain to make upset. 

    As they pulled into port Gus could make out the busy docks. It seemed everyone was stopping here right now. 

    “Alright kids.” Eda called from the top story of the deck looking down at the kids who always seemed to gather as they anchored. “You know the deal, everyone grabs a partner. Don’t get into trouble you can’t get out of, and don’t let no measly merchant scam you but always feel free to scam them” She waved. “We’ll be in port for at least three days unless Alador deems we need more time for repairs.”

    Gus could see Hunter talking to Luz already planning to partner with her. 

    No that wouldn't do. 

    “Hey Amity.” Gus gave a little pat to Amitys shoulder. “Doesn’t Hunter owe you a favor?” He motioned his head to Luz. 

    He could see the gears in Amitys head turning. “Yes, How do you know about that? Oh nevermind Hunter!” She went after Hunter so she could trade partners. 

    Edric and Emira were already paired up which just left.

    “What’s taking so long?” Matt demand. They always ended up pairing up. Matt was a hard person for most to get along with.

    “I am actually supposed to be with Hunter.” Gus lied. “You can ask Willow?” He suggested walking away before the other boy could whine and complain about sticking Hunter with Willow.

    “Hey Hunter?” Gus smiled as he reached the blond boy. “Need a partner?”

     Gus had suspicions about the boy.

     And he was going to get answers.

7TH Chapter Tumblr Link

[hydralisk98]

Blackhand devlog#2

/[Insert cool updates from Butch Hartman course]?

As far as I imagine the agents are involved, I think mostly of felines, deerfolk, moths, bees, foxes, nagas, hares, bears, humans and androids (instruments, robots, droids, synthetics...)

For the backdrop environements, I feel like emulating my quite forested suburb of a hometown with alot of additional unique flair would suffice plenty, albeit with tweaks over the geography and human geometry, like adding Y2K translucent solarpunk buildings, some edwardian park landmarks and 70s stylish constructions. With much cyan + some magenta neons signage and lights from a bigger coastal city at night, and the warm woodland (browns, amber, olive greens...) tones at day.

Definitely gonna try my best to use much linguistic diversity here, considering the subject matter of several cultures (timely and divine wise too) taking much material from my constructed world project and IRL...

I imagine this cartoon world between a game and a productivity suite, in a place akin to software toys but agnostic of medium. That being said, I play around with the technical parts of my conworld down to the history of data processing, operating systems, and alot of technological matters that are ~80% similar to OTL. There are morphological freedoms, geo-syndicalist political culture (not yet solarpunk but quite closer) and a strong sense of navigating past present and future as one that goes beyond nostalgia.

Library economy and heavily stylized graphics are present. Also, I am inspired by a huge thread of franchises, from Halo 2 to Bionicle, with elements from Helluva Boss, Lackadaisy, Quake 1, Portal 2, Powerpuffs, Wakfu, Alien 1, Wolfenstein The New Order, The Stanley Parable, TIS-100, Quadrilateral Cowboy, The Witness... and overall history & contemporary culture.

Also got some 'Game of Prosperity', Prospero, Landlord's Game, Monopoly, Cluedo, Werewolves of Miller's Hollow Pact, Century A New World, Carcasonne, Hypnospace Outlaw, Senators, print & play games, GURPS, Cyberpunk RED, D20 system, Pathfinder and many many indie TTRPGs.

My mainline story concept rn is pretty much a curiosity-driven addventure where Klara & Nil, assisted by Ava & Constanz get to adapt and overcome trauma as they integrate into my fictional world and empower themselves and others to do the same. A couple of sidearcs are present, one about synthetics' rights and another about accepting oneself to reach their full potential.

It happens in my conworld, initially around my hometown of Maskoch and then extended to the full ranger of the planet

Core target audience are Zillenials, with some Millenials and Gen Z folks included. The actual number of actor characters goes beyond the recommended maximum of 20.

I will disclose the specifics for the main actor agents / characters on a later date... but like I wrote, the main goal of the narrative is to improve the world around us and empower ourselves too. And also better relate to autistic folks like the author that I am.

*The meta-narrative may include heavy use of time travel, some use of mystical magicks, nostalgias, controversial social issues, profound topics, politics, autism, furries and queers, among many other taboos.

[trensu]

Episode 25: The One where They Frolic in the Forest but like, Sad This Time

Okay folks, buckle up bc this one has a lot of Hetero Drama and Stupid Plot Things

But look!! I’ve made it to the halfway point of the show!! I’m so proud of myself

We���re gonna skip as much of that as possible

BUT this one has some EPIC moments to make up for it

We start at Lotus Pier

Stuff’s happening that we’re not interested in 

except for how our resident Disaster Het jzx comes by to invite the jiang clan to the jin clan’s awesome sleepover with sweet sweet party games

Plot plot plot

WE’RE AT AN ARCHERY COMPETITION!!

I guess that’s how they open sleepovers in Ancient Fantasy China?

LWJ AND WWX ARE STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

OUR BOYS ARE SHARING SCREEN TIME!! WITHOUT HURTING US!!!

Blegh, jgy is talking

And here the jin clan bring out their wen prisoners bc they think it’s fun to place them in front of the targets??? anD THEY GET AWAY WITH IT??

THEY DID THIS IN FRONT OF BASICALLY THE ENTIRE CULTIVATION WORLD AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING!!

I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS

WTF IS WRONG WITH THEM

Wwx at least tried to protest but jc shut him down, bc their clan really isn’t strong enough to stir up trouble rn 

BUT THERE WERE PLENTY OF PEOPLE IN MORE SECURE, POWERFUL POSITIONS THAT COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING

I’M LOOKING AT YOU, LXC. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE LAN CLAN MOTTO, HUH?? WHAT HAPPENED TO RIGHTEOUSNESS???

*takes a deep breath*

Okay, okay

I’m calm, i’m cool

So that happened

Jzx tries to show off by shooting an arrow and getting a bullseye without hitting any of the prisoners

And wwx sees this and is like, hmmmm, i can humiliate jzx AND discreetly protect the wen prisoners!!! (and give the audience a bite of wangxiantics)

Wwx: lan zhan, do me a favor

Lwj: what’s the matter?

Wwx: can i borrow your forehead ribbon?

CAN I BORROW YOUR FOREHEAD RIBBON

THE SPECIAL ONE THAT NO ONE BUT FAMILY AND SPOUSES CAN TOUCH

I JUST WANT TO BORROW IT IN PUBLIC WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE. NBD

Lwj just stares at him in response and wwx sulks but doesn’t push it

(lol, jc sees that go down and is just completely exasperated, like, one day, can we get one day when you don’t OVERTLY FLIRT WITH LWJ in front of EVERYONE??)

(the answer is no. no, he cannot do that, jc)

(he’s not allowed to not flirt with lwj)

Since he couldn’t get the super special forehead ribbon, he uses one of his own wrist ribbon things to blindfold himself

Please take a moment to appreciate the fact thAT HE WAS GONNA USE THE SACRED FOREHEAD RIBBON TO BLINDFOLD HIMSELF, THE KINKY BASTARD

Wwx: nbd nbd, imma just shoot 5 arrows whilst blindfolded and hit every bullseye there is WITHOUT harming any of these innocent war victims.

It’s all in the twirl, baby

He does a Dramatic Twirl, Smirks™ and then releases those arrows like nothing

And afterwards he has this proud little grin on his face bc hell yeah, he just owned jzx’s smug ass AND prevented any harm from falling on innocent people

Also, LOL, NMJ’S REACTION TO THIS WAS GREAT

He sees wwx be a badass with a bow and arrow and immediately turns to lxc next to him with an expression like HOLY FUCKING SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT, THAT WAS AWESOME and starts clapping like a madman

For future reference, this is the correct response to wwx all the time, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU BB

After all that, wwx struts back to stand next to lwj and gives him a proud little smile. It’s so cute, so cute.

Jgy is talking again BLEGH

Now we’re in the forest!! For hunting reasons!!

Wwx makes himself comfy by a tree and plays Magic Music on his demon flute and is all pretty while doing it and supposedly gets all this prey to jump into Jiang nets

we never actually see this happen but everyone says it happened and who am i to argue?

(actually i like to argue one-sidedly at the screen a lot but this was not important enough so whatever)

Also, side note, jc is KILLIN IT with his fashion choices in this ep. LOOKIN GOOD BRO

But we don’t care about any of this 

We care that WWX SUDDENLY SPOTS LWJ WALKING ALL ALONE IN THE FOREST AND HIS WHOLE ENTIRE FACE LIGHTS UP LIKE THE FREAKING SUN BC HE’S SO HAPPY TO SEE HIS SOULMATE

IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

And then it gets sad. Sad times in the forest :(

Wwx was totally making a move to get lwj’s attention but he stops himself

Bc he remembers the conversation he had with lxc about how the ones he cares about can be hurt by his decisions

Thank goodness lwj notices him back

Wwx looks so surprised but also pleased the lwj sees him

And ofc lwj does not hesitate to go to wwx

BC THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND ARE SOULMATES

Wwx: hey lan zhan, i heard you got tired of writing out the Lan Fam Rules~!

He’s happily engaging him in conversation!! He’s trying to tease him again!

Too bad lwj does not go along with it

This whole “let’s ruin wwx’s attempts for pleasant conversation by bringing up sad things” is getting really old lwj, stop that

Lwj: i made some progress in composing the music score and i’d like to share it with you to see if it works

eXCuSe mE??

HE’S BEEN WRITING MAGIC MUSIC FOR WWX??

HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THIS BEFORE??

I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST LEARNING FORBIDDEN MAGIC MUSIC, NOT CREATING MAGIC MUSIC FROM SCRATCH SPECIFICALLY FOR WWX

HE LOVES HIM SO MUCHHHH

Wwx: lan wangji, lan wangji

Noooo he’s reverted to calling him formally!!

And his tone went all flat!!

DON’T DO THAT

Wwx: who do you take me for? Why can’t you leave me alone?

DON’T SAY THAT

WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT

YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE

STOP HURTING ME LWJ LIKE THIS

The minute wwx asks him that, lwj lowers his gaze when previously he had his eyes glued to wwx’s face the whole time

Bc WWX JUST STABBED HIM IN THE HEART WITH HIS WORDS

Lwj: who do you take me for?

He says all somberly, STILL NOT LOOKING AT WWX

Oh god, their faces are breaking my heart

After lwj says that, wwx stares at him for a long moment before canting his eyes to the side AND THEY LOOK KIND OF TEARY??

I THINK??

THAT MAY JUST BE MY TEARS

SOMEWHERE, TEARS ARE INVOLVED

Wwx: i once treated you as my lifelong confidant (AKA SOULMATE)

Lwj: i still am

*SOBBING*

~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

THEY’RE STARING AT EACH OTHER WITH SO MUCH FEELING

I WANT TO TEAR MY FACE OFF

Aaaaand the moment’s interrupted bc of stupid jzx and his Hetero Drama

Wwx hears someone approaching and he grabs lwj by the arm and drags him to a hiding spot where they can spy on jzx who just appeared with jyl

You know, i love how whenever wwx grabs lwj to drag him somewhere we get a bit of slo-mo stuff to, i guess, emphasize wwx is touching lwj or something

Not that we need the emphasis

It’s not like we’re not already hyper-aware of their EVERY INTERACTION

So now we get to watch wwx and lwj spy jzx and jyl

Lol, i wonder what lwj is thinking

Does he watch this and sympathize? Does he get secondhand embarrassment bc he knows he doesn’t do any better expressing his feelings to his soulmate??

I can’t imagine he has any actual interest in spying on Disaster Het jzx

Lwj is a Disaster Gay 

There can only be so much Disaster at a time, y’know?

or maybe he’s just thinking OMG WWX TOUCHED ME OMG WWX IS SO CLOSE

yeah, that’s probably it

Okay, there’s Hetero Drama going down 

Blah blah blah

BUT WAIT, jzx just made jyl tear up AGAIN

Wwx is all ready to tear jzx a new one but lwj holds him back before he could give away their location

Like, if asked, i’m sure lwj would say “oh, i stopped him to avoid an inter-clan incident” or whatever

But his REAL reason for holding him back was bc he was enjoying have wwx so physically close to him again

While secluded in a hidden spot

I mean, there’s less than a foot of space between them

I wouldn’t be so eager to give that up if i had wwx that close to me either

But lwj can’t hold him back for long bc jzx does another douchebaggy thing and wwx has had Enough

Wwx goes to defend his sister BC NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO MAKE JYL SAD, OKAY?

Wwx and jzx argue and then jzx draws his sword and takes a swing at wwx!!

SO OFC LWJ SWOOPS IN AND PARRIES THE BLOW

Lol jzx is so confused as to why lwj is there suddenly

You just tried attacking his soulmate, bro

what did you think was gonna happen

Ugh more Hetero Drama

Gotta say, i do enjoy watching jzx get scolded by his mother

Asshole cousin starts stirring up trouble and throwing a hissy fit about how wwx used his demon flute to catch 30% of the prey and how it’s Dishonorable and Cheating behavior

Lwj turns to wwx for a moment here and is like “30%??” idk if he’s impressed or concerned here.

Maybe both

Lwj gets a lot of Feelings around wwx, okay?

Lol, while asshole cousin is ranting, wwx turns his back on him to look at lwj

Wwx: oh, lan zhan, i didn’t thank you earlier for blocking that attack for me! Thank you~!

WHAT A POWER MOVE

HE GETS TO INSULT ASSHOLE COUSIN AND STARE AT HIS SOULMATE’S BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL FACE

WIN-WIN

Wwx is holding it together until asshole cousin accuses the jiang clan of having a corrupt or weak family or smth?

Then he starts getting all twitchy the way he does when Resentment kicks in

Asshole cousin continues to goad him and wwx starts to reach for his demon flute

Lwj flies to his side and grabs his arm!

Lwj: wei ying, concentrate. Wei ying, concentrate.

(wwx has a knack for making lwj repeat himself)

Jyl joins him to help wwx calm down

And now we take a break from wangxiantics for BADASS JYL TIME

Jyl goes and apologizes all sweetly to everyone for wwx’s supposedly rude behavior or whatever

And then turns to asshole cousin

Jyl: i might not know much about hunts, but i know there’s never been a rule about catching too much prey

DAAAAMN, GIRL

Jyl: it’s not his fault you can’t hunt prey. He used a different method that he worked hard to learn

Jyl: FURTHERMORE, you called him the son of a servant when he is my dear little brother

Jyl: so i would like for you to apologize to wwx

JYL IS THE GREATEST SISTER IN THE WORLD

Madam jin is like, ah, it’s not that big of a deal, let the boys squabble 

And jyl shuts that down by telling her that wwx is family, an insult to him is not a trivial matter for her

GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Blah blah plot blah blah jzx is a Disaster Het in front of Witnesses blah blah 

Gross, sect leader yao goes off on a rant

We’re gonna ignore him

We cut to wwx downing a jar of wine in the middle of town 

*sigh* i don’t even know why i bother telling him off at this point, he’s obviously not worried at all about alcoholism

Ooooh, and now we’re getting Lan Bro time. Very wangxiantic lan bro time

Lxc: lwj, i can tell you’re worried about something. What is it?

Lwj: …

Lwj: lxc, i..i want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses

(guys, the ellipses here actually happened. We actually hear lwj do a start-stop on his sentence)

(THIS FROM A GUY WHO DOESN’T SPEAK MUCH BUT WHEN HE DOES SPEAK, SOUNDS LIKE A PRINCE)

(Our boy is Overcome with Feeling rn)

Lxc: bring a man back to Cloud Recesses?

Lwj: bring him back…and hide him there.

Lxc: hide him?

Lwj: …

Lxc: he may be unwilling to go, right?

LXC KNOWS WHATS UP BC THERE’S ONLY ONE MAN WHO HAS EVER AFFECTED HIS LITTLE BROTHER THIS WAY

Lwj stays silent here, and the lan bros manfully stare off to the distance

(I like to pretend that here lxc starts coming up with elaborate kidnapping plots bc he wants his lil bro to be happy and that’s only happening if he drags wwx back to their home)

(i mean, locking up your soulmate against their will is a Lan family tradition, isn’t it??)

AND THAT’S WHERE IT ENDS

THIS SHOW DOESN’T PULL ITS PUNCHES, DOES IT?

This forest frolic was not nearly as fun as the last one :(

Return to Masterpost

[baixueagain]

All my emails with tumblr thus far. As you can see, they’ve been passing me between different members of staff (”Alfredo,” “Justin/Jay,” and “Carmen N.”), dodging my questions, copy-pasting from the easily accessible Help Center already on tumblr (as if I can’t look that up myself), and attempting to gaslight me about the fact that they falsely accused me of a very serious felony, not to mention that they terminated - not suspended - my last blog without a warning or an explanation. Please note that this is the first time in seven months (when my original blog bai-xue was terminated) that anyone at tumblr has responded to me at all, and that in that time two more of my blogs were terminated, one accompanied by a false accusation and the other with no explanation whatsoever. 

Additionally, in June, @bullet-farmer very kindly wrote to @support on my behalf. They responded to her emails almost immediately, and continued emailing back and forth with her until she cc’d me and I responded to the email chain. After that, they ceased speaking to bullet-farmer altogether.

@staff​ @support​ I’d really love to hear an explanation for all this, not to mention an apology and an assurance that this sort of unprofessional behaviour won’t be repeated.

Check under the cut below for transcripts of all the emails so far.

July 18, 2:38 PM GMT 

Me (Karen) to Tumblr Support:

Hello,

I am wondering if there is any way I can further verify my account with tumblr to keep from getting terminated.

I have been terminated three times due to harassment campaigns. It has impacted my business as an indie artist and writer, since I am trying to use tumblr to build a following. After ten successful years on this site, I have had to rebuild my account from scratch three times within the last six months.

I wish to continue using tumblr, but I can only assume that the trolls who have targeted me before will do so again, and will continue to submit false reports to get me terminated.

Please tell me, how can I avoid this and protect my account from this happening again? I am willing to provide whatever personal information is necessary.

Thank you,

Karen

July 18, 3:18 PM GMT

Tumblr Support (”Alfredo”) to Me

Hi Karen,

Thank you for writing in. Your email is already verified. Any blogs reported by Tumblr users are reviewed for validity by our Trust and Safety team before they are terminated. If you believe you are being harassed, we ask that you use our online Abuse forms located here:

https://www.tumblr.com/abuse

To report a post in the mobile apps, just click the share icon (that paper airplane) and choose "Report." That'll open the form and you can tell us what you're reporting from there. To report an entire blog, tap the blog's username to view their blog, then tap the little human icon, and then tap "Report."

Please select the form that most closely corresponds to the violation you’re reporting, which will help us correctly route your complaint.

We appreciate you taking the time to write in.

Tumblr Community Support

July 18, 6:21 PM GMT

Me to Tumblr Support (”Alferdo”)

Hi Alfredo,

Email verification is not what I am talking about. I am talking about how to protect my blog from being wrongfully terminated again. It has been terminated three times due to false mass reports from trolls. I have been using tumblr for years to build an audience for my artwork, and now, because I have been terminated so many times, that audience is gone and my art business is suffering. 

There has to be a way to protect myself from being terminated due to false accusations and false reports. How can I, as a professional and an artist, make sure that this stops happening to me? I am sure there is some way that professionals such as Neil Gaiman protect their blogs from being terminated due to trolling efforts. What information do I need to send you to keep this from happening to me again? I am happy to provide a passport or a residence permit.

Please, I have reached out for help so many times in the last six months, and you are the first person to ever answer me. Please help me.

Karen

July 18, 9:18 PM GMT

Tumblr Support (”Justin/Jay”) to Me

Hello,

Thanks for writing in again. Please take a look at our new Community Guidelines.

As of December 17, 2018, adult content is no longer permitted on Tumblr. Any newly uploaded content flagged as adult will be hidden from public view. We will also flag existing adult content, with the ultimate goal of removing as much of it as we can. This new policy negates the need for Safe Mode, so this feature no longer exists. These new policies are the same regardless of your age.

If any of your content is flagged as adult, we will notify you by email. The email will outline steps you can take to review the content in question. If you disagree with the classification of your flagged post, you will have a chance to appeal the decision.

Please let us know if you have any additional questions.

Thanks,

Jay,

Tumblr Community Support

July 18, 10:06 PM GMT

Me to Tumblr Support (”Justin/Jay”)

Hi Justin,

If you take a look at my terminated blogs bai-xue-lives and bai-xue-lives2, you will see that I never posted any adult content. I have followed community guidelines quite closely. Nevertheless, I was still reported by trolls, and I was still terminated because of those reports. In the case of my blog bai-xue-lives, two of my posts were flagged, and I successfully contested them. I was then terminated anyway weeks later. In the case of bai-xue-lives2, none of my posts were ever flagged, and it was terminated today without warning or explanation. 

Tell me, how am I to avoid being terminated again if I follow the rules and still get falsely reported by trolls anyway? I'm sure you can understand that I now find it very hard to trust that your staff will actually look into the reports, because despite following the rules I have still been repeatedly punished despite the fact that I'm the one being bullied by those falsely reporting me. 

As I said above, I am quite willing to send in any form of identification you need to ensure that my blog will not be terminated due to false reports again. I am genuinely concerned that someone with a grudge, possibly a disgruntled ex of mine, has been abusing the report function in order to get me repeatedly terminated. I have no doubt that this will continue unless I have some form of insurance that I can be safe from false accusations. 

As I have said before, these repeated terminations have cost me the fruits of the small part time art career that I spent over seven years building on tumblr. I like tumblr. I want to continue using it. But how am I to do so with any confidence, when I follow the rules and still get punished? 

I have sought every avenue of help that I can and received no answer for seven months. Today was the first time anyone ever answered me, but it has only been with rote suggestions that I have already tried.

Please help me. I want to be able to use your site with the confidence that I will not be punished for something I didn't do, and the assurance that the people who dislike me will not be able to use your report function to act out petty grudges. Please, I will do whatever is necessary to have this assurance. 

Karen

July 19, 7:57 AM GMT

Tumblr Support (”Carmen N.”) to Me

Hello Karen,

Thanks for following up.

I can assure you that every reported blog is verified by another department of our company which is carefully reviewing all your content. If you get suspended you receive an email in which the reasons for your suspension are mentioned.

As long as you stick to our Community Guidelines while posting, there shouldn't be any problem.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Have a nice day!

Carmen N Tumblr Community Support

July 19, 10:18 AM GMT

Me to Tumblr Support (”Carmen N.”)

Hi Carmen,

I am afraid that is very much untrue. When my blog bai-xue-lives was terminated, I received an email from your team accusing me of posting ch*ld p*rn*graphy, something which I have never done and which I consider a very serious accusation. When I asked for proof, I received none.

In the case of my most recent termination, I received no email whatsoever, and I was not "suspended," as you put it. My blog simply disappeared with no explanation, after I had broken no rules. No posts had been flagged, no warnings had been given. I had not even been on that account for a month (June 28-July 18).

Again, I ask you: how am I to continue to use your service when it is quite clear that I can be terminated at any minute, without warning, even when I have broken no rules? 

Karen

[Attached: The June 28 email sent to me when my blog bai-xue-lives got terminated, which accuses me of “inappropriate content involving minors” and “the possession and distribution of ch*ld p*rn*graphy” (censored for anti-bot safety purposes).]

[mxliv-oftheendless]

The Bridge of the Demonic Goatman (Part 1)

I thought of this a while back (specifically in the form of a hilarious mental image), and decided, “What the hell? I’m gonna write this.” It’s basically me combining two things I’m currently trash for (KISS and Buzzfeed Unsolved) into an AU, where my target audience is... well, me. On a side note, if you haven’t watched Buzzfeed Unsolved, I would definitely recommend it! It’s a great show, and they do episodes on true crime as well as supernatural cases. Here’s the link to the original episode if you want to watch it. Hope you enjoy!

Due to the sheer length of this story (it’s twenty fucking pages in the Word document), I’m going to have to post this in two parts. This is Part 1. Part 2 will go up tomorrow because it’s 11:30 PM rn and I’m too fucking tired to deal with this crap anymore.

Basic AU summary: It’s Buzzfeed Unsolved, but hosted by Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, and Vinnie Vincent. Gene is the believer of the supernatural, Paul is the skeptic, and Vinnie is the neutral third party (although he does like to join Paul in messing with Gene when they’re on a ghost hunt). 

Commentary text: 

Paul

Gene

Vinnie (apparently Tumblr doesn’t offer yellow as a color)

Something said in unison (who says it will also be in parentheses)

----

[cold open: camera is in the backseat of a car between the driver and passenger seats, looking through the windshield at the twilight sky. GENE is driving while PAUL is in the passenger seat. Soft haunting piano music plays over the footage]

PAUL: Almost there, Gene… you nervous?

GENE: I’ll probably be more nervous when we get there. How about you?

PAUL: [gestures out at the sunset] How can I be nervous with a sunset like that?

VINNIE: Ah, but remember, Paul. [camera cuts to VINNIE, who is sitting in the backseat] Eventually, the sun will be gone from the sky, leaving us in the foreboding dark of night. Then you’ll be nervous.

PAUL: [turns to look at Vinnie] How poetic.

VINNIE: Thank you.

PAUL: What about you, are you nervous?

VINNIE: Uh… [shrugs] kinda. I mean, we’re potentially going to see a demon.

PAUL: Potentially.

GENE: Don’t worry, Vin. I’ll protect ya.

VINNIE: You say that now, and yet if we actually see it, you’ll probably be cowering behind me and reciting the Lord’s Prayer.

GENE: How can I do that when you’re such a midget?

[Paul laughs. Vinnie leans forward and smacks Gene’s arm.]

[Smash cut: it is now nighttime. Gene, Paul, and Vinnie are now walking through a forest, the only light being from the flashlights coming from the night-vision cameras they are holding. Camera focuses on an old-looking wooden bridge with newer-looking red metal ledges. Gene shines his flashlight on a nearby sign that has text and the Texas state government symbol. The title reads OLD ALTON BRIDGE.]

GENE: Well, here it is. The bridge.

[Cut: Gene, Paul, and Vinnie are now standing at the foot of the bridge.]

GENE: Ready?

PAUL: Yep.

VINNIE: Yep.

GENE: … Paul, you go first.

PAUL: [scoffs at Gene and steps up onto the bridge] Okay.

VINNIE: [steps up onto the bridge and turns to Gene expectantly] C’mon, Gene.

GENE: [sighs then mumbles] God dammit… [slowly steps up onto the bridge]

VINNIE: [grinning at him] See, that wasn’t so hard.

GENE: Shut up, Vinnie.

[camera follows the three as they walk across the bridge, swinging their camera flashlights around. It is so dark that the only parts we can see of the bridge are what shows up in the beams of the flashlights; the rest can only be vaguely made out. Haunting music continues]

PAUL: I’ll be honest, I was kind of expecting something more… I dunno, intimidating, I guess? But no, this seems like a pretty standard bridge. [jumps up and down on it] Sturdy, too.

VINNIE: It’s a little scary, I guess. Though, the fact that we’re here when it’s nighttime probably has a factor in that. In the day time, this probably wouldn’t be scary at all.

[they reach the middle of the bridge]

GENE: Well, now that we’re on the bridge, I guess I should tell you why this bridge is so notorious.

[Vinnie nods]

PAUL: Okay. Enlighten us, Gene.

[haunting music stops. Gene stares at Paul, who looks calmly back at him]

GENE: Can you even look a little bit worried? Or just… you know what, never mind.

[Intro sequence, then title card]

[Gene, Paul, and Vinnie are now sitting on the foot of the bridge. From left to right: Gene, Vinnie, Paul]

VINNIE: This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we investigate Old Alton Bridge, aka the Goatman’s Bridge, as part of our ongoing investigation into the question, “Are ghosts real?”

GENE: [nods at the camera]

PAUL: [shakes his head at the camera]

VINNIE: [shrugs at the camera] Well, we may find out tonight. Gene?

GENE: Although that is our overall question, this bridge and the woods surrounding it are said to harbor something much more sinister than ghosts.

PAUL: [sounding maybe too light given the context] Demons!

GENE: [rolls his eyes but nods] Yeah, demons. As we’ve stated before, I will only consent to one demon episode per season, and this is that episode.

PAUL: You look pretty nervous. [looks to the camera and points at Gene] I dunno if you guys can tell, but Gene is looking pretty nervous right now. He’s just good enough of an actor that only Vinnie and I can tell.

VINNIE: I think we’re all a little nervous, to be fair. Just sitting on the foot of the bridge is making me feel slightly nervous. [pause in which he looks over at Gene and laughs] You’ve got kind of a glazed look, Genie.

GENE: I just—okay, I am getting kind of nervous. Let’s just get this over with.

PAUL: All right. Let’s get to the background stuff so we can dive right into the summoning part and see if any of us get possessed and/or murdered.

[Gene and Vinnie stare at him]

GENE: … Please don’t put it like that, Paul.

[Paul laughs]

[screen cuts away from the three to a black background with the shape of the state of Texas in white. Text and images appear on screen as Gene’s voice narrates]

GENE [voiceover]: In 1884, Old Alton Bridge was built in Denton, Texas, to connect the town of Alton to Denton. Alton was an extremely small town that consisted of only one person when it was established in 1848.

Wait, there was only one person in the entire town?

Yep.

Seriously? One person? And that was enough for it to be a town?

Yeah. One person.

*wheeze* Ha ha, that’s great.

Also, isn’t Denton the town from Rocky Horror Picture Show? The one Brad and Janet are from?

Oh yeah, it is! Oh my God, what if we did the Time Warp on the bridge?

Oh hell yeah, let’s do that!

*sigh* Dammit.

(Paul and Vinnie) Janet!

It was chosen as the legal center of Denton County. After the county seat was moved to Denton, residents of Alton moved to other towns, and Alton eventually disappeared. Today, the bridge is no longer permitted for vehicle use. But lucky for us, the bridge is available for pedestrian crossing.

*snorts* “Lucky for us”… the sarcasm.

You’re a master of sarcasm, Genie. 

--

[Paul, Gene, and Vinnie are standing by the parked car. The trunk is open, and Gene is rummaging through the contents of the trunk while Paul and Vinnie watch]

PAUL: I swear I’m not trying to scare you, Gene, but… I genuinely am getting a bad feeling about this place.

GENE: I am not listening to you, Paul.

PAUL: No, I’m actually serious this time! Vinnie, you can tell I’m serious, right?

VINNIE: I mean, I am getting kind of a bad feeling as well…

GENE: Don’t worry, guys. [straightens up] I came prepared tonight. [starts to unbuckle his belt]

VINNIE: I’m flattered, Genie, but I thought we were hunting down a demon. Plus, Paulie’s with us. And what would Shannon think?

GENE: [stops and stares at him in confusion] What would she think about… [he slowly realizes what Vinnie means] No! Not like that, Vinnie!

[Paul laughs. Vinnie smirks at Gene]  

GENE: Both of you shut up, that’s not what I meant at all! I mean I brought protection!

VINNIE: [grinning] Oh, well at least we won’t have to worry about that. I still think the setting is rather inappropriate, though.

[Paul continues to laugh]

GENE: I mean—I didn’t—shut the fuck up! This is what I’m talking about!

[Gene holds up a leather holster. In the holster is a squirt gun made of blue plastic]

PAUL: [stares at it, then bursts out laughing again] What the hell, Gene?

VINNIE: [trying not to laugh] Gene… why do you have a squirt gun?

GENE: [talking as he attaches the holster to his belt] It’s filled with holy water. I thought of it yesterday. It started out as a joke, but then I thought about it, and it’s actually a pretty good idea.

PAUL: [still laughing] You’re going to protect yourself against a dangerous demon… with a squirt gun filled with holy water?

GENE: Laugh all you want, Paul, but at least I’ll be safe from any demon that tries to sneak up on us. Just think, our backs will be turned, the demon’s sneaking up on us… [acts out this scene] I’ll just go, “Hey, guys, look at these bushes—[whirls around and whips out his squirt gun] freeze, demon!”

VINNIE: Smart.

GENE: I know, right?

--

GENE [voiceover]: Obviously, we didn’t travel all the way down to Texas to observe just a plain old bridge. What brings us to Old Alton Bridge is the meaning of its nickname, “the Goatman’s Bridge.” There are many legends of bridges acting as gateways to another realm, and perhaps this bridge is one of those gateways. Old Alton Bridge and the surrounding woods are said to harbor a dark entity: a demon, that is half-goat and half-man. The Goatman is said to have, quote, “glowing empty eyes” and goat-like horns. The reason for this entity’s existence is unknown, but has many iterations. One common story is that Satanists have carried out rituals on the bridge, that opened the door for this demon and perhaps many others.

There are actually records of people practicing rituals in the forest and on the bridge.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, so your kind of people.

My kind of—how am I a Satanist?

Because you believe in all the crap they believe in.

Yeah but—I don’t go around performing rituals to summon demons. I respect it, and stay away from it. That’s completely different.

Okay, you’re right about that. That’s fair.

You also go to the synagogue.

*snorts* Yeah, I also go to the synagogue.

GENE [voiceover]: Another popular story is that a successful African American goat farmer was lynched and hanged on the bridge by Klansmen, returning from the dead as the Goatman.

Fuckin’ assholes…

Do we know why they lynched him?

Yeah, because he was African American and he was doing better than them. That’s it. That’s why.

… Okay, fair enough.

Yeah, that’s fair.

GENE [voiceover]: If this story is true, then it would explain why the Goatman looks as it does, since once again, the African American was a goat farmer. However, there are no records of an African American goat farmer living or even existing in that area anywhere in the 1930s or in prior decades. Furthermore, if this story is true, then the Goatman would simply be the ghost of the goat farmer, instead of a demon like the Goatman has been claimed to be. Additionally, demons are preternatural beings, and therefore not human.

So you don’t think the Goatman’s the goat farmer.

Uh, no, I don’t. See, the thing is, if it was just the ghost of the goat farmer, then the Goatman would be just…

A man.

Yeah, just a man. There really wouldn’t be any reason for him to become some version of a Minotaur.

Yeah, that makes sense.

However, the fact that it’s half man and half goat makes it more likely that it’s a demon.

Plus, aren’t there medieval drawings showing Satan with goat legs?

Yeah, that too.

I just have to object to one thing you said. You said it was some version of a Minotaur.

And?

And that is a false statement. A Minotaur is half-man-half-BULL.

Oh—Oh, well excuse me—

Then it would be the BULLman.

—Mr. Greek Mythology Expert.

Paul, you don’t even think the GOATman is real, why are you so stuck on details?

I’m just trying to make sure everything that’s said is accurate.

You wouldn’t think it was real even if it WAS the Bullman.

That’s true. I wouldn’t think it’s the Bullman. I’d think it’s BullSHIT.

*laughter*

GENE [voiceover]: But tonight, our goal is not to find out why this demon exists. Tonight, our goal is to make contact and try to catch footage of this elusive and dangerous demon, as proof that it is real. We can only hope that this evidence does not come at a great cost…

--

[cut to Paul, Vinnie, and Gene walking on the bridge]

PAUL: Are there any demons here with us? Perhaps a demon formerly known as the Goatman?

VINNIE: Prince reference?

PAUL: Yeah, thanks for noticing.

GENE: Let your presence be known… say something… make a noise…

PAUL: Throw us off the bridge…

GENE: Shut up, Paul. [speaks aloud] Why are you on this bridge?

[silence]

GENE: One of you ask it something.

PAUL: Why are you on this bridge?

[Gene rolls his eyes at Paul while Vinnie snickers]

PAUL: [in a dramatic voice] Goatman! [still silence] Nothing’s happening.

VINNIE: Well, obviously.

PAUL: What if we try yelling at it?

GENE: What?

PAUL: I mean, what if we try and agitate it? To try and bring it out?

VINNIE: Like, egg it into showing itself?

PAUL: Yeah!

VINNIE: Yeah, that could work! Can I do it with you?

PAUL: Yeah, let’s do it. Gene—

GENE: I’m just gonna… gonna let you guys do it. I don’t wanna be part of what you guys are doing.

PAUL: Okay.

VINNIE: Yeah, you stay out of it, that way if anything happens to us you can call our families.

PAUL: You want to go first?

VINNIE: No, you go first.

PAUL: Okay… [a few beats of pause] Fuck you, Goatman!

GENE: Oh my God—

VINNIE: Oh, we’re just gonna go all-out? Okay, let me try. [shouts] Hey! Hey, Goatman! You’re no good, Goatman!

PAUL: You’ll never be shit!

VINNIE: You’re just like your father!

GENE: Oh for fuck’s sake—

PAUL: Goatman! [starts dancing in place] See that? I’m dancing on your bridge!

GENE: Paul!

VINNIE: [also starts dancing] We’re dancing on your bridge because we don’t believe in you! Fuck you, Goatman!

PAUL: This is our bridge now! We claim this bridge for ourselves!

GENE: Jesus Christ, we’re gonna die—

VINNIE: You want us off this bridge? You’re gonna have to kill us! Whatcha gonna do, throw us off the bridge?

GENE: He did throw someone off the bridge once.

PAUL: Nah, he’s not gonna throw us off the bridge, y’know why? [shouts] ‘Cause he’s a CHICKEN! [starts clucking like a chicken]

GENE: I swear to God, both of you…

VINNIE: Paulie, c’mere. [they start doing a tango] See that, Goatman? We’re dancing on your bridge!

PAUL: We disrespect your bridge, Goatman!

GENE: Oh, for Christ’s sake—he’s taking names right now, you two.

PAUL: You ain’t shit, Goatman! We own your bridge now!

VINNIE: You hear that, Goatman?

PAUL: Me, Vinnie Vincent, and Gene Simmons own your bridge!

GENE: Paul, don’t you dare loop me into your shit. Stop it.

PAUL: Well, tell him you’re not part of it!

GENE: [speaks aloud] I’m not part of this! Okay? They’re just being assholes.

PAUL: You’re talking to Goatman now. [Paul and Vinnie grin at him]

GENE: … You son of a bitch—

VINNIE: Goatman entrapment, Genie, you’ve been caught. [high-fives Paul] Goatman!

GENE: Guys, stop it.

PAUL: This is our bridge now, Goatman! [Paul and Vinnie continue dancing and jumping up and down on the bridge]

GENE: I swear to God, you two—

VINNIE: They’re gonna write OUR names in graffiti!

GENE: If something appears and kills you, I’m not giving your eulogies.

PAUL: People will come here and tell tales of US!

PAUL and VINNIE: What do ya say to that, Goatman?

[silence]

GENE: I hate you both.

--

GENE [voiceover]: People have reported a growling voice telling them to “get off the bridge.” One person said that after he and his friend heard the voice, he ran off the bridge while his friend stayed. He then watched as his friend was seemingly dragged off the bridge and thrown into the river below. People have also heard hooves following them across the bridge, as if they were being chased off. It’s often said that the Goatman can be conjured by knocking three times on the bridge.

--

[on the bridge, Gene goes up to one side of the bridge and hesitantly raises a fist]

GENE: All right. I’m gonna… knock three times on the bridge… and we’ll see what happens.

PAUL: What if the Goatman bites your hand off?

GENE: Paul—

PAUL: And then he stuffs it in your mouth and makes you eat it?

[Gene and Vinnie stare at him]

VINNIE: … What the fuck, Paul?

PAUL: What? He might do that. He’s a demon.

GENE: Fuck you, Paul. You’re making this worse.

PAUL: Fine, sorry.

GENE: [turns back to the side of the bridge] Okay… here we go…

[Gene knocks on the side of the bridge three times. They all stand back]

GENE: Now it’s said that when you do that, you can see his glowing eyes. [glances around]

PAUL: [laughing] What a load of horseshit…

VINNIE: Quiet, Paul.

[silence. Nothing happens]

GENE: Well, I’m not doing it again. Either of you want to?

VINNIE: [shrugs] I’ll do it. [goes up to the side and knocks three times. Steps back.]

[silence again. Nothing happens]

VINNIE: All right, Paul, now you do it.

[Paul goes up to the side and raises his fist. Then he stops and looks around in a theatrical way]

GENE: For fuck’s sake, Paul, just do it!

PAUL: [shrugs] Hey, Goatman! [knocks three times]

[silence again. All three look around. The camera passes over parts of the bridge]

PAUL: You know, if you want me off this bridge, you’re gonna have to throw me off.

[still silence. Nothing happens. There is a long stretch in which none of them move or speak]

GENE: Okay, we’re done with that. Let’s go into the woods.

VINNIE: We’re going into the woods?

GENE: Yep. Let’s go.

[they all turn and start to walk off the bridge. Paul turns around and looks out into the darkness]

PAUL: We’ll be back, Goatman. After all, this is our bridge now.

VINNIE: Yeah, remember that, Goatman.

GENE: Would you both shut up?

PAUL: That’s how you get them to come out, Gene.

GENE: That’s not how you get them to come out, that’s how you get them to kill you.

PAUL: Assuming you don’t kill me first, right?

GENE: Exactly.

To be continued in Part 2!