#i am trying to hold out hope but i really dont know anymore besties

[simplydnp]

all of the sad anons in my ask box i am holding you gently. we will get through this night together 🥺

[tendebill]

I love your silly guys (your OCs) so much

I am spinning them in my brain

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO RAMBLE ABOUT THEM. I WILL RAMBLE ABOUT THEM (literally just looking for an excuse to infodump!!!!! utilizing your lovely asks bestie, hope you dont mind <3)

anyway im thinking about chapter 1 a lot (and ignoring how chapters 4-6 are barely thought out) and uh um.

So basically Nicolas Nevers can go fuck himself. I created him and he is vital to the story, blah blah blah, I despise him <3.

My intention with him is that he starts out as a kind of... mentor/caretaker figure for Seph & Ellie?? I want the story to start out with a lot of fantasy "stereotypes" that are either flipped/twisted or turn out to be lies, and Nick is no different. He is the reason why Ellie and Seph both have these powers which they were never supposed to have. He lies about it to them and everyone else to cover his ass, makes up a prophecy for them, hoping they wont catch on (spoilers: sephoras eventually catches on), sends them off for "adventures" so they dont cause him more problems and expose his lies and deceptions, the list goes on. His entire career is a very carefully woven, but extremely fragile web of lies, bribery and cashed-in favors, and YET-

Somehow he is never publically exposed for all of his bullshittery. Worse yet, Sephoras isn't even the one that gets the satisfaction of killing him, Huen does (everyone say thank you Huen) at the end of chapter 2.

I actually want to make it a point in chapter 6 (underdeveloped as it is) that, as opposed to David, Sephoras had no real place where he could direct his anger. No way to enact "revenge". What I mean is, when Seph killed David's wife (for context: he wasn't fully in control of himself and he would never have done it in his right mind, but it was OBVIOUSLY enough for David to want to kill him, dead is dead, plus it traumatized them both, David watched it happen too, plus his toxic masculinity and anger issues made it so that there was no other way for him to react BUT trying to kill seph), in Seph's mind, that gave David a free pass to hurt Seph in any way he wanted. Seph was of the opinion that he deserved what he got and had no right to feel sorry for himself or resent David for it. In turn, his guilt made it so that most of the people that had hurt him were "off-limits" to him in terms of getting revenge or anything of the sort. He didn't deserve anyone's forgiveness, empathy and he CERTAINLY didn't deserve to get revenge.

Nicolas was the ONLY person he would have wanted to get revenge against. The only person he felt he could "bring to justice" and whatnot. The only man worse than him. The cause of this whole shitshow (literally, if not for Nick, none of the plot would have happened).

But like I said, Huen was the one to kill Nick in chapter 2, so Seph never got the satisfaction of doing so himself.

HOWEVER. I recently added on to this detail :))))))) I made it worse btw.

Like I said, Nick's reputation remained intact even after his death. No one (besides Seph ofc) really cared to expose him post mortem, and even so, hardly anyone knew the EXTENT of his lies and deceptions and faults. Sephoras knew the most, Huen did too, as he had told her, plus a couple of other characters, but he never really told Ellie the full story, not until MUCH later.

Which is where chapter 4 comes in. Ellie and Seph are trying to gain back each other's trust, but their relationship is falling apart, ripping at the seams in so many ways. They don't know each other anymore, they are not the same as they once were. Seph feels like he doesn't deserve a second chance and so he doesn't fight for it, he doesn't give Ellie reasons to trust him again. Ellie tries desperately to hold onto the image of Seph she had from BEFORE all this shit had happened, when he was still their brother and everything was easier, bathed in Nicolas' lies and their naive belief in what he had told them.

At some point Seph spills the beans about Nicolas, everything he'd done and lied about, how much he'd really manipulated them and Ellie is PISSED. They find out how much they let that man decieve them and they dont know what to do with that rage.

They relize he was never exposed. That he is still hailed as a martyr and a "good man who died a tragic death". They expose him publically on their own.

And so Nick's reputation goes to shit. As does Seph's only way of getting revenge on a dead man. Ellie takes that from him. He tells himself he didn't deserve the satisfaction of being the one to expose Nevers to the public, that Ellie had a right to do it. But it doesn't make him any less angry.

And so, like I said, Seph never really gets his revenge on Nevers. While David was able to take out his anger on Seph all he wanted, Seph was forced to suffer with all his anger directed at a man long dead, unable to do anything about it. The one man that hurt Sephoras more than Sephoras had hurt him. Dead and defamed - no thanks to Sephoras.

i love my sillies and i love their silly adventures and theres so much i wanna say about them but alas i dont want to write 15 essays in one post.

[wheeier]

no taking back

summary: it was only fun and games. but steve had other plans.

warnings: modern au, tooth-rotting fluff i guess, little but of swearing

+ olivia rodrigo’s sour album (stream besties), the movie tangled at the end because it just radiates as a comfort movie

yes a modern au !!! i just saw this on tiktok (the sour part, but the rest was my idea!) and thought it was so cute so it gave me an idea to make it as a fic, enjoy !!!

steve harrington x fem!reader

olivia rodrigo’s new album just released and you were thrilled to listen to it and stream it the whole day.

when you finally got to listen to it, you asked your friends—robin, nancy, and the party, if they listened to it and which ones were their favorites.

robin told you that her top three were hope ur ok, jealousy, jealousy, and brutal.

nancy said she really loved favorite crime.

max said hers was also brutal.

el told you that she played good 4 u and traitor on repeat that hopper had to go into her room to turn it down.

when mike comes over to the cabin he can assure that el does indeed play them on repeat and get pissy about it (but he secretly loves the album, but he wouldn’t let her or anyone know that).

and lastly lucas and dustin are fans of deja vu and 1 step forward 3 steps back. max even told you that they would sing the bridge of deja vu on the top of their lungs.

you slightly laughed at the memory of them telling you about it.

however, there’s one more person that you haven’t talked to about it yet.

steve.

your smile faltered and faded when he came across in your mind.

your feelings for him had deepened over the time and listening to the sour album made it feel like you two had broken up, which in fact, is not true because you were never together in the first place.

suddenly, an idea popped in your head. instead of being sad about steve, you thought about texting him, although it’s almost 1AM, you knew he’d still be up.

Sailor Man

You: hey

You: u up?

Sailor Man: duh

Sailor Man: this has been our nightly routine u always bother me when i’m about to go to sleep

You: fuck off

You: don’t pretend that you’re not binge watching outer banks until 4am

Sailor Man: i’m not?!?

You: yeah right

You: anyways

You: can u do me a favor

Sailor Man: will i get free pizza afterwards

You: no

Sailor Man: k

You: what the fuck

You: fine

Sailor Man: hehe

Sailor Man: what’s the favor ;)

You: dont get me started with that winky face i swear ure so dead when i see you at the wheeler’s house tomorrow

You: have you listened to olivia rodrigo’s new album

Sailor Man: ohh the bitter album?

You: ITS SOUR DUMBASS

Sailor Man: I DONT KNOW?!?

You: I CANT DO THIS HJAGSK

Sailor Man: shut up

Sailor Man: i’ve heard some of the songs but i haven’t fully listened to them

Sailor Man: why

You: can you like

You: ask me to be ur girlfriend then break up with me right after so i can experience and actually feel the whole sour album

Sailor Man: what

You: just do it !!

Sailor Man: you’re so funny (y/n/n)

Sailor Man: okay

Sailor Man: will you be my girlfriend?

You: yes !!!

You: ...

You: hello

You: dont tell me u fell asleep

Sailor Man: i’m not doing the last part you might as well forget about it

You: wjat

Sailor Man: :D

You: wtf

You: okay steve cut it out i’m not doing this anymore u’re not funny

Sailor Man: nope

Sailor Man: go to sleep we’re dating now that’s how this works

Sailor Man: okay i dont know if you’re still reading this now and i am terrified to say this to you in person like TERRIFIED. might piss my pants if i did. so (y/n/n), my favorite dumbass, my favorite person to talk to at night even if it interrupts my binge watching marathon, you make me so happy to the point that even when i sleep you’re still in my dreams. i like you. i have like the biggest fattest crush on you. and thank you for doing that sour album thing or whatever, because of that i get to finally ask you out

you rolled on your back after you read the message, facing the ceiling as your mind processed what just happened. was he playing with you? was he actually serious about asking you out?

Incoming video call...

Sailor Man

you took a deep breath before tapping the green button and placing it back down on the bed.

“hey,” you can tell that he was tired based on his voice. “can you show your face, please? i miss you.”

ignoring the butterflies in your stomach, you hesitantly lifted the phone and shifted your position to lay on your side. “hey.”

“hey yourself.” steve grins. that stupid grin that makes your stomach turn, that grin you always want to see everyday.

“what’s..up?” you avoided looking at him and started to admire your surroundings and the posters placed on your wall. this was the only time you were glad you weren’t with him in person.

“i just wanted to see if you’re okay.” of course he will ask that. he's steve. he cares about other more than himself.

“i am, thanks.” you showed a smile that doesn't reach your ears and steve knew something was bothering you. “hey, look. i'm sorry about my confession- if it made you uncomfortable i'm sorry-”

“no,” you cut him off, looking back at his face on the screen. “i’m fine, really. you don't have to apologize. i was just, surprised.”

there was silence between the two of you for a few seconds, before you spoke again. “did you mean it?” you voice was only above whisper but steve managed to hear them. “of course,” he answered almost too quick, without any hesitation. “i've been trying to find the perfect opportunity and had been asking god for signs because i can't make a move myself-”

“asking god?” you chuckled and steve smiled hearing them, glad that he somehow lightened the mood. “well, more like begging.” he continues and you giggled.

once your laughter died you both fell into silence again. you still couldn’t believe that out of a fun joke, it would turn into a whole another situation. “so, um.. just so you know, i’m not mad, or upset, or anything. i really was just surprised. it felt like a dream because i didn’t know that you like me back and all i did was just supposed to be a fun joke but—”

“hold on, back?”

“what?”

“like you back. you said i like you back.” steve sat up on his bed and fixed his hair as his eyes widened. “i did...” you said slowly, not catching up.

“does that mean you..”

then it hit you. “oh, right. yeah. i- i like you..too.” you waited for his reaction and once you saw him smile you couldn’t stop yourself from doing the same.

“i knew it. and well, i guess that confirms it. we’re dating now. no taking back.” he smirks then laughs when your rolled your eyes. “don’t flatter yourself, harrington. i did not say shit.” you pointed your index finger on the screen, barely containing your giggles.

“based on your beautiful smile i think you don’t need to say it. i like you, and you like me. we’re dating.” steve gives you a teasing smile. you tried keeping your serious face but it won’t last longer so you finally smiled again. “alright, fine. no taking backs. we’re dating.” you said then laughed as he whisper-yelled ‘yes!’ while fist pumping the air.

he soon joined your laughter and you stayed like that until your jaw was pretty much in pain because of your smiles. when it was all quiet again, you both just admired each other’s presence through the screens of your phones. “i wish i was there with you.” he mumbles. “yeah, me too.” you hugged your cold pillow beside you, closing your eyes for a moment and imagining it as steve.

“are your parents home?”

you snorted at his random question. “i’m actually alone right now, they’re out because dad got promoted at his work so he and mom and i think a few friends went out to celebrate. they should be home by an hour or two. why?”

“nothing.” was all he said before hanging up. you were left confused but then he’s your best friend after all, so you knew right then and there that he’ll do something stupid. after you turned your phone off you suddenly felt watching a movie so you went to the kitchen to make some popcorn.

when it was finished and had been put in a bowl, that’s when you heard your doorbell rang—in a pattern which you recognize, and only one person does that.

you let out a quiet laugh when you realized who it was and set the bowl on the counter before opening the door.

“hi!” steve greeted you with a smile. “uh, hi?” you laughed nervously and stepped aside for him to go in. “i smell popcorn, are we having a movie night?” he says as he steps inside and shrugged off his jacket. “actually yeah, i’m planning on watching—”

“tangled.” he finishes off, you subconsciously smiled upon hearing your favorite movie. “how’d you know?”

steve snatches a few popcorns from the bowl as you both arrived in the kitchen. “(y/n), you have watched that movie 7 times this week and always gush to me about it.”

“well, you’re the only one that is around my age that i can talk to with that movie. robin and nancy aren’t that into it.” you replied, grabbing the bowl and making your way back to your bedroom, steve following your heels. “and you think i’m the best option to talk to about that?” he asks, plopping down on your bed and resting his back on the headboard.

“you’re not complaining.” you shrugged as you grabbed your laptop and sat beside steve.

“yeah, probably because i like you.” it came out of his mouth casually. you froze in place and felt your cheeks heat up, finally nodding your head slowly, “..probably.” as you typed in the movie in your laptop you felt steve scoot closer, making your breath hitch.

you were both in a comfortable silence while watching the movie, except for a few jokes and comments that steve makes and him explaining how similar he was to flynn rider.

“you know, since i’m eugene, you could be rapunzel.” he suddenly says. you eyes were still on the screen but your eyebrows furrowed. “why? i’m nothing like her.”

finally looking at steve, you almost screamed how he was already looking at you. “oh, you are so rapunzel. you may not have the longest hair in the world, but you are pretty much similar.” he replies, smiling and not taking his eyes off of you.

you paused the movie and shifted your body towards him, intrigued by his explaination. “how so?”

“well, first off,” steve starts, resting his hands on the soft mattress. “you’re both sweet, you’re both a huge ray of sunshine, have gorgeous eyes and smile, and eugene is head over heels over you — and since he doesn’t exist in real life, i’d like to be the substitute.” he finished with a confident smile.

after about three seconds, you burst out of laughter. you laughed. as much as he loves the sound of your laugh, he can’t help but pout. “(y/n), i’m trying to be sweet here!”

“i’m sorry!- it’s just- i can’t help but laugh at your flirting.” you managed to say between your laughs. you know he’s kidding but he looked at you like he was offended.

your laughter died down and held steve’s face. “it’s cute, sorry.” you mumble with a little laugh. when he finally smiled you turned to your laptop and continued the movie.

steve gazes at you for a few more seconds before watching the movie with you again. “thank you.” you whisper, glancing at him.

“you’re very much welcome, my rapunzel.” he says smiling before he slides a bit down on the bed so his head could reach your shoulder and rests it there.

you giggled as you heard him whisper,

“thank you, olivia rodrigo.”

[godsweep]

📱our 4 main babies

brace urself bestie xo.

alexandria + sienna,

unsent: sometimes i feel like, maybe it’s me yakno 

unsent: maybe i’m the problem. i have to be the problem right? first my brother and sister just yakno, forget about me and now i feel like you guys will be next.

unsent: am i overthinking again?

unsent: i dont know what to do anymore

unsent: i’m scared to be alone again. i cant go through that again.

sent: hey remember that time you said you would bake me a pan of cookies? can you come over and do that? thx. <3

alexandria + leonard,

unsent: i had a guy from work over. his name’s micah and he’s great. he’s nice and thinks i have pretty eyes and a nice smile. we work on the same floor and i think that he’s great. he lets me rant about things that i like. it’s nice.

unsent: but then it started storming. and i was okay at first but then the power went out and everything went to shit. so, i sent him home. which was stupid of me but i did. 

unsent: because he wasn’t you. it’s not you hugging me and telling me that it’s just thunder and it’ll pass. and it sucks. i wanted it to be you. i still want it to be you. i loved you, or still love you. maybe i hate you. i don’t know anymore.

unsent: it’s actually pathetic how much i love you. i look for you in every room. i still have the pictures we took on our last date before we broke up as laptop’s wallpaper and i hate it. i hate pretending like this is okay.

unsent: i know you don’t love me anymore and it’s selfish of me to try to keep pretending that you do. i wish you did. 

sent: hey! sorry i missed your calls. something came up, hope everything’s okay. 

roman + leonard,

unsent: i’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that sienna actually loves me.

unsent: i didn’t think guys like us deserved love. it’s probably because kimberly’s crystals shit. maybe she did a seance. omg do you think my niece did a seance? she did, didn’t she? actually don’t answer that. 

unsent: but it feels great. i love her. like i really, really love her. and it’s terrifying. like, having someone hold your entire heart in your hands? scary shit man. 

unsent: you know, maybe kimberly can do a seance for u too. that way the four of us can go to couples night and take advantage of the discount at the karaoke bar downtown. jesus leo get your shit together we’re missing out on good deals.

unsent: if me of all people on this fucking shit hole of a planet gets a shot at happiness so do you.

sent: not to be that guy but, a little birdie told me you literally eat like a college student so. swing by tonight so i have an excuse to open up my grill. 

roman + sienna,

unsent: do you ever feel like you’re not enough for someone? 

unsent: i feel like you deserve so much more than i can offer. you deserve a trip to italy. or hawaii. dubai, cancun. and i can barely afford a trip a few towns over.

unsent: should i have like gone to college? continue with baseball? maybe then i could give you the things you deserve. or maybe then i could have been someone you could be proud of.

unsent: i know i can come to you about anything but.. i don’t know why i feel like this but i do. it’s hard to pretend that i don’t feel like this all the time. it’s a feeling that’s hard to shake.

unsent: i really wish i could just tell you everything. everything that happened before i met you and why it’s hard for me to be open to begin with. i hate lying to you. i hate pretending i’m okay because i’m not.

sent: hey, kimberly misses you. so do i. can you pass by? we’re making pasta.

[cuddlesslut]

Okay im super excited to do this!!! This is my first Yay!! 🥰🥰 So im going to do head cannons for Oikawa and Kuroo I might come back later and right one for Atsumu but atm I just don't feel like I could right for character and do justice.

Warnings: slight angst, nsfw, light smut, fingering, daddy kink, pet play, unwanted attention, alcohol

The boys reacting to you talking to your ex

This is my first time writing smut so bare with me. Hope this is what you were looking for.💞👉🏻👈🏻💖

Oikawa Toru

okay so you and Oikawa have been dating for a few month

i love my baby boy shittykawa but i feel like he would be pretty insecure when it comes to having a girlfriend. due to past experience.

so after so many mess ups hes really trying his best with you

messaging you sweet texts

eating lunch with you and the team

and just trying to give you as much time as he can

but hes Oikawa and Prelims were coming up so as of recently volleyball practice was the only thing he could really focus on.

you understood and wanted to be there for him to support him but didnt want to distract him with such an important event coming up

that why when you got paired up with your ex for your science project it slipped your mind to tell him

he knew you and your ex ended on mutal terms but he had heard whispers that your ex still had feeling for you.

not that hes gunna tell you that as far  as hes concerned hed rather you and your ex be in as little contact as possible worried that youd fall for your ex again

so when you, Oikawa were sitting having lunch together.

your first alone time together in weeks

and Oikawa saw your phone light of from a text from said ex it was hard for him not to fear the worst

he hadnt been around for you lately he worried

his thoughts started to spiral thinking that maybe because he wasnt present enough in your relationship that you ex might have been there to steal you away.

Brows knit and voice a little stained trying really badly imight add to hide his jealousy

“whys your ex meassaging you about meeting up later” he asked heart aching as he read the message on the screen.

when you see the look on his face you immediately felt bad for not telling him sooner about your project

“oh im sorry babe i forgot to tell you that we were paired together for our science project.’ you say apologized seeing how tense he was. “im sorry i didnt tell you i didnt want to distract you i know you have so much going on right now i wanted you to be able to focus on volleyball” you admitted placing your hand on his arm to reassure him.

you saw hurt and pain flash across his face.

“ Y/n you never have to worry about distracting me,” he said caressing your cheek.

“if anything you are my favorite distraction im so sorry i havent here for you lately. im so sorry ive been such a shit boyfriend I promise to make more time for you please dont leave me.” he stuttered.

this was the most vulnerable you had ever seen Oikawa. worry still stain his beautiful features.

you leaned your head forward your forehead resting against his,

“Toru ,” you coo’ed his eyes flicked up to meet yours. “ babe im not leaving you. im so happy with you. im not upset that our time together is limited right now im just happy to be with you and support you in your passion. I wouldnt have dated you if i couldnt handle your volleyball obsession, i knew what i was getting into when i said yes” you saw him breath a sigh of relief at your short speech.

“you have nothing to worry about Toru my ex has nothing on you shittykawa,” you giggled at the nickname his best friend had taken to calling him

“ heey” he pouted his signature pout before smiling and closing the space between you , pressing his soft lips against yours

your heart fluttered for even the smallest things when it came to him

“i love you,” he whispered against you lips    

 Kuroo Tetsurou

being at a frat party tonight was not your original plans but do to some complaining from your friends here you were wandering around trying to avoid the drunk party goers

you looked around for your friends who you had been separated from.

they were no where to be found ofcourse that figures

making your way to the kitchen cause if you were going to be stuck here you sure as hell werent going to be sober

not planning on being drunk you decided to forgo the shot offered to you instead settling on a mixed drink

you werent a wallflower but this still wasnt your usual scene and with your besties no where to be seen you need to find a place to situate yourself

settling for a seat on the open lounge chair sipping your overly sweet drink

scanning the room you realized that he was here too

standing across the room with a group of friends was none other than Kuroo Tetsurou

he stood tall among the party goers even leaning against the wall his head full of bed hair was more than recognizable he wore a pair of black jeans with a black t shirt that clung tight to his chest his arms crossed his strong arms on full display

even from where you were sited you could see the veins in his arms that always made you want to drool

continuing your gawking you eyes made their way up only to catch his staring straight into yours

it seems like you weren't the only one checking the other out

his signature smirk made your breath hitch just a little to yourself.

god this man. for the chemistry nerd you knew him to be he sure was cocky

you and Kuroo werent dating by any means you didnt fool yourself into think what you had with the science major was anymore than just two stressed students having fun

looking him up and down you bite your lip thinking back to one of your most recent hook ups

you think about going up to of the many bathrooms to send him some incentive to ditch this party and head back to his

yet as fate would have it before you could make your move your thought were interrupted

“long time time no see” you glance up at the man standing in front of you

you groaned internally as your ex slid next to you on the lounge slinging his arm behind you hand resting on your shoulder.

you rolled your eyes in irritation trying to remember how you ever fell for such a douchebag

even from across the room Kuroo could see how uncomfortable you looked. and honestly he didnt like the way your ex acted so comfortable with you

he didnt enjoy how close he leaned into to you or the way his eyes looked like they were undressing you

you may not be dating but Kuroo did not like sharing

the final straw was when your ex placed his hand on your bare knee and started trying to inch his hand closer to the hem of your short skirt

you grabbed his hand to stop him not wanting to try and take this any farther

“c’mon babe,” he groaned drunkly “ we both know you could use some good dick”

you rolled your eyes about to interject when you were cut off before you could even protest

“i couldnt agree more,” Kuroo smirked pulling you into his arms

“what do you say kitten,” he said moving his hand to grab your hip hand slipping down to grab your ass making you hitch your breath

“better luck next time dude,” Kuroo laughed pulling you away

Kuroo pulled you into one of the empty rooms locking the door behind him

“ now kitten what am i going to do with you,’ he said pushing you into the bed his breath hitting your neck sending shivers down your spine

his hands making their way up to your cheek pulling you into a searing kiss

you felt like the air was being sucked out of your lungs

you felt drunk on lust as he nipped at your bottom lip

“im sorry daddy,” you squeaked feeling his hand slip under your skirt just barley tracing his fingers were you need him most

you felt the heat in the pit of your stomach as he moved one his slender finger along your soaked panties

“please let me make it up to you,” you said slyly feeling a little more embolden from the drink you had nursed

you moved your hand down his toned stomach your fingers catching on the buttons of his jeans

his hand caught yours pinning both of you hands above your head his breath hot on your neck

“now now now ,” he breathed sucking a bruise on your neck causing you to arch into him

still holding you hand in one hand he snaked his free hand down pushing you panties to the side slide two finger between your wet fold

“ what kind of daddy would i be if i didnt take care of my kitten,” he whispered in his husky voice before he slid index finger into you heat.  

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Okay im going to apologize if there's any grammatical errors im so sorry 🌸💐

I had so much fun writing this!!!

And like always 🥰🥰🥰

Request are OPEN 💞

@starboybokuto-recs

[mirrorballls]

* madison bailey, cis woman + she/her | you know malia serrano, right? they’re twenty, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, twelve years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 20 something by sza like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that curly hair precariously tied back with an old bandana, never quite contained, little tattered diary locked shut with care, roots buried deep in the sand, a security blanket by the sea thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 2nd, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

last one i promise.

ok so i. am going to be honest. i have a worm’s brain so i’m going to promise i will message back everyone i’ve left hanging. i love making as much work as possible for myself which is made evident by this being my sixth muse <3

basics.

full name:  malia alexis serrano. birthday:  december 2, 2000. big three:  sagittarius sun. cancer moon. libra rising. sexuality:  bisexual. occupation:  cook at cutie pie’s. neighborhood: lives in her childhood home in delphinus heights.

bio.

malia is an aspiring cook and has a ratatouille style backstory of having a lifelong love and passion for food, so i’m going to issue a general food tw. here up front, for mentions of her emotional attachement to cooking and food, just in case.

death tw.  malia grew up the absolute center of her father’s world. her mother passed away when she was a toddler, before malia even got to know her, and her father took this as a call to action: he was all his daughter had, and he was determined to make sure that was more than enough. and it was.  while there’ll always be part of malia that’s disappointed she’d never had the mother-daughter experience so many of her friends did, she had her dad, who cared about her more than anyone should be allowed to care about a person, and that was enough.

so,  while the start of her life was impacted by a sense of tragedy, for the most part, her childhood was idyllic. when she was eight, she moved in an apartment in delphinus heights that was full with love and music and food ----  lots and lots of food. her father was a chef and, for most of her life, the owner of what he swore up and down was irving’s first and only truly authentic italian restaurant, terra & mare. being able to open the restaurant is what brought them to irving in the first place. overall, food was a huge part of their household: it was the job that kept the lights on, little treats for breakfast and dessert were a love language, and cooking dinner together every night was their daily routine. it’s one of her favorite childhood memories, and something that definitely left an impression on her.

her father had no problem letting her pitch in around the restaurant. she started waitressing when she was fourteen and after a few years of putting her time in upfront, he let her back into the kitchen with the big dogs. she did mostly prepwork, but she loved the electricity of the kitchen: getting to hear orders come in, the little dance they all did to make do with what limited space they had, and watching plates go out, a little work of collective art just waiting to be eaten. she wanted to carry on the family business, step up into her father’s footsteps as head chef one day. she wanted to keep the feeling of being apart of that kitchen team forever.

in her personal life, things kept that magical tone, for the most part. because she was the apple of her father’s eye, he tried to shelter her from as much as possible. thorough high school, she was just a fun, nice person to be around because she was just a genuinely very happy person. the biggest rebellion she had was the week her father first floated the idea of dating again past her, because she was very protective of their little thing, but in the end, they worked it out and within a few years she ended up with a step-mom she gets along just fine with. 

but one day, all that magic fun idealism had to end. her junior year of high school, as she started wide-eye scanning the pamphlets of any culinary school in a hundred mile radius, the rug was pulled out from under the serrano’s. her father had never mentioned it to her, as not to worry her, but the family had gone bankrupt trying to keep terra & mare afloat. the restaurant would close, college was likely not an option for her anymore, and her father had worked himself near ragged trying to keep it all afloat, only exasperating issues he’d already had with a bad knee and high blood pressure.

all at once, malia’s world kind of came crashing in on her. she couldn’t hold it against her father, for the most part, because he was only trying to make what she had left of her childhood was carefree. but she wished she had a little warning for how abrupt the rug would be pulled out from under her feet, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t help anything to hold it against him. 

since she graduated, it’s just kind of been a game of putting her nose to the grindstone and hoping for the best. she’s trying to get back to that sense of security she once had, but it’s hard. to go from this picture perfect, for what it was, life to a sense of panic that she’ll be helping her dad dig himself out of this hole for a while, putting her dreams on hold in the long run, has been an adjustment.

instead of going off to school, she started working as many hours as she can at cutie pie’s and taking odd jobs here and there to try and pull it together. she’s still got her big plans: in a perfect world, one day, she’ll bring back terra & mare, but she’ll settle for any kitchen that allows her to play around a little more than burgers and fries.

connections

malia is an advocate for the gig economy. please fucking hire her. yardwork, babysitting, helping you clean your closet, it’s well known she’s down to just about anything (dont be gross.) for a decent rate.

besties!!! i imagine malia to be a historically really social person who’d have accumulated plenty of friends in her lifetime in irving.

maybe a step-sibling?? if u could see ur muses step-dad being an older italian-american gentleman who will not shut up about how much he hates fast casual dining, perhaps he’s the guy for u

im so bad at listing these out but. like i said i’m going to make a whole day of responding to plotting messages and getting things in place not just for my new muses but the old ones we are going to get some plotting done okay go team irvinghq

[si-nging-ren]

*CRACKS KNUCKLES*

okay. ive decided im going to discontinue the jirou x reader fanfic "wrong number, my bad" for a number of reasons that i will get into in a bit. i have also, however, decided to create an smau for hawks (probably not, but who ive decided on for now) x reader, based on something more personal about me. the goal of the story being more personal is to give me a better layout for how it should continue on and the feelings can be more genuine than me making up stories on a whim and hoping they work. i will give out the plan for wnmb, however, so that anybody interested can still understand how the story wouldve ended.

now as for why im abandoning wnmb.

1. i dont feel the energy to write it anymore. i dont like where the story is going, and with my current mental state and status at school, i dont have the ability to start over or try again. i font have the ideas for the story and just dont vibe with it.

2. mental reasons. i can't stick to the schedule i made for the story as well as i used to be able to, and also personal mental health reasons that sort of keep me from doing so.

3. there are personal life reasons that cause this, but jirou has slowly evolved into somewhat of a discomfort character. i dont want to get into the reasons as to why, but i dont like her that much and bad memories come up whenever i try to sit with her in my head for too long.

thats really all for why i dont want to continue wnmb, but for anybody interested, here was the plan as to how the story was planned out (via notes):

- [x] yn and mina and ochaco do be talking doe

- [x] basically introductions

- [x] same with jirou baku toko yaomomo and denks

- [x] but THEN

- [x] yn and jirou talk :DDD

- [x] jirou basically says that theyre not annoying

- [x] yn says their typical clown shit

- [x] "aidjskjdh thanks you daddy 🥺"

- [x] jirou doesnt answer for a wholeass hour

- [x] "sorry had to go to church and clense from that sin"

- [x] "o-oh okay 😔 daddy doesnt love me"

- [x] "there are so many things wrong with that"

- [x] "😳😳😳"

- [x] "im starting to wish that i blocked you"

- [x] "nONONONONO IM SORRY"

- [x] "nyways what did you wanna talk about d-"

- [x] "......."

- [x] "arling :)))"

- [x] poor jirou just wanted to know about who they are

- [x] "name, hobby, talent, interests, whatever i just wanna know about you"

- [x] yn hops over to twitter all "omg theyre so sweet 🥺🥺🥺"

- [x] naturally ochaco and mina are all "fake bestie wtf are u talking about"

- [x] yn is laughing awkwardly and is just,,, "oh nothing 😳😳"

- [x] (nobody believes them)

- [x] then they ask about jirou but she has to give false info

- [x] except for her gender its fine if she says that

- [x] she hops over to the squad

- [x] panicking

- [x] "guys wtf i think i just committed a crime"

- [x] "nono youre fine what happened"

- [x] "i made a fake identity so the person who contacted me wouldnt know it was me"

- [x] "do they even know you???"

- [x] "YES they said they really liked our music and im PANICKING"

- [x] "okok calm down its not illegal or anything"

- [x] "i think"

- [x] "YOU T H I N K ? "

- [x] "yeah sorry :// but like you did this to yourself lmaooo"

- [x] jirou awkwardly hops back to yn

- [x] "yeah i think that band is pretty cool too im actually friends with some of them"

- [x] i mean its not false

- [x] ":ooo omg rlly?????? theyre so cool aaa 🥺🥺 maybe we can meet one day at one of their concerts 👉👈 jkjk...... unless 😳"

- [x] little did they know

- [x] LMAOO jk

- [x] kinda

- [ ] they end up talking for hoursss and mina and ochaco ask one day if they wanna hang out

- [ ] theyre all "hell yesss 🥴 where we goin??"

- [ ] a bar. they go to a fucking bar. (btw its to celebrate minas new job thingyyy)

- [ ] drink responsible kiddosss

- [ ] nyways afterwards she ends up talking to jirou bout how shes super nice and would love to be friends with her more

- [ ] jirou has gay panic tm

- [ ] like actually theyre rlly cute fuck

- [ ] yn asks if they can call since theyve never heard her voice or seen her

- [ ] jirous all ".....theyre drunk they wont recognize my voice"

- [ ] also shes rlly groggy since its TWO IN THE DAMN MORNING

- [ ] jirou calls her and yn asks if she wants to meet someday bby doesnt understand okay

- [ ] jirou panics and asks if they can get to know each other more first

- [ ] yn is hurt but understands and agrees

- [ ] yn asks to play 20 questions

- [ ] jirou asks if theyre a preteen jokingly

- [ ] yn whines and says its either that or a drinking game

- [ ] not wanting yn to drink anymore, she sighs and agrees

- [ ] she ends up finding out:

1. yn has a cat

2.

3. thats it, yn passed out

- [ ] jirou fell asleep on call later nd they didnt hang up until jirou woke up later and realized that awake yn would recognize her

- [ ] she quickly hung up and then sent them a good morning text

- [ ] bitches be playin

- [ ] but yn doesnt mind theyre a gay, dumb clown

- [ ] yn asks what minas job was since they never found out- god their dumb

- [ ] mina says its the typical teaching thing but its for ome of yns favorite bands

- [ ] "ooh, who are they?"

- [ ] "they said their name was blackbear! pretty sure youve talked about them some times before"

- [ ] "omygod mina you dont understnad if you could somehow find a way for me to find them i would literally marry u"

- [ ] "please dont. but ill try boo dw"

- [ ] she ends up doing it

- [ ] but inbetween then they end up getting rlly close like numerous calls and texts and learning more about each other until they realize they like her

- [ ] yn is super happy all "bro u guys are so awesome"

- [ ] bby girl is vibrating.

- [ ] LMAOO YOU WANNA KNOW JOWNTHEY FIND OUT

- [ ] THEY AND JIROU END UP BECOMING RLLY CLOSE LIKE THEY FRIENDSSSS

- [ ] AND SHE ASKS FOR THEIR NUMBER

- [ ] THEIR STILL JITTERY BTW SO THEYRE LIKE WOAH RLLY???? ID LOVE TO BRO

- [ ] AND JIROU PUTS HER NUMBER IN YNS PHONE AND SEES THE NAME "nd strikes" COME UP ND SHES LIKE "HUH MUST BE A GLITCH"

- [ ] BUT YNS ALL

- [ ] "HAHA SOMEONE NAMED "BBY" CAME UP WHEN I TYPED IN MY NUMBER I WONDER WHO THAT IS"

- [ ] "MAYBE I TYPED IT WRONG" CAUSE BBY IS DUMB

- [ ] MEANWHILE JIROU IS PANICKED CAUSE "HOLY FUCKING SHIT THEYRE BBY"

- [ ] SO SHE HANDS THEM THIER PHONE BACK AWKWARDLY AND YN SEES THEIR OLD MESSAGES AND PANICKS

- [ ] "HOLD UP IS STARS JIROU????? HAHHA NO IM BLIND AN D DUMB SURELY NOT"

- [ ] SO THEYRE LIKE "DID U EVER TELL ANYONE UR NAME IS STARS"

- [ ] AND JIROU JUST SIGHS AND IS CLEARLY IN PAIN AND IS JUST "YEAH THATS ME"

- [ ] ALL YN DOES IS LAUGH AND GO "YO THATS KINDA GAY"

- [ ] JIROU IS PAINED

- [ ] LIKE SHE THINKS THEIR GONNA HATE HER BUT????? NO??????????? SHES CONFUSED LMAOO

- [ ] yn blinks and realizes she should probably confess or smth

- [ ] "uhm, jirou?"

- [ ] "yeah whats up?"

- [ ] "aCTUALLY NVM ILL TELL YOU LATER-"

- [ ] later in a call they say it

- [ ] jirou is rlly smart and all but her first thought was "its cause of who i am. this happened immediately after."

- [ ] some part of her is screaming that its feelings and that she likes them back but she ignores it.

- [ ] like this has to be bad right???

- [ ] nyways jirou ghosts her like a clown and rants to the band b-wordssss gc

- [ ] yn cries to the babiest of the babies 🥺🥺🥺 gc

- [ ] yn asks if she just doesnt care about them now that shes seen them

- [ ] jirou realizes "wait fuck maybe im wrong"

- [ ] spoiler alert: she is

- [ ] she sort of goes "i didnt rlly think that you actually liked me actually

- [ ] yn starts crying

- [ ] (this is over call btw)

- [ ] "why tf wouldnt i?!"

- [ ] "bc you confessed right after you knew who i was"

- [ ] "istfg so our conversations just dont matter ig"

- [ ] jirou is confused

- [ ] like??? she gets that theyre mad but she does understand why so much

- [ ] "listen i just need to know if you like me back or not please. before i start crying again."

- [ ] she decided to not comment on how they were already crying

- [ ] "yes i like you okay"

- [ ] "do you actually?"

- [ ] "yes. istag that i actually like you and im not shitting u. if you want ill go there rn"

- [ ] ".....yes pls"

- [ ] "i need your address though"

- [ ] "oh yeah– its *address*"

- [ ] jirou arrives all nervous and shit

i didn't have anything planned out after that, but it was probably gonna be a kiss scene or something idk

[1-800-channie]

Cigarettes & Mint | Chapter 5

→ Chapter: 1  |  2  |  3  | 4 |  5 (FINAL)

→ Genre: Very Angst  / Very Suggestive / Highschool!Au

→ Warning: Strong language; cursing; heartbroken; character death (?);

→ Pairing: Badboy!Hyunjin x Innocent!Reader;

→ Summary: When your ego is bigger than your brain, you don’t mind breaking someone's heart. As soon as the smell of cigarettes and mint invade your nostrils, your heart starts beating faster and your life starts falling apart. I bet you will end up broken.

→ Playlist for the Chapter:

↳ Goodbye - 2N1E ↳ Apology - iKON ↳ Be Alright - Justin Bieber ↳ Voices - Stray Kids ↳ I Am You - Stray Kids

→ Words: +2K

→ N/A: Hiii everyone! First of all, i wanna apologize for posting late but my dad took my phone (I'm using my computer, but it will probably be taken away too) So, if i disappear, know that am alright, and ill be back as soon as i can. This chapter is wayyyyy softer, please enjoy the ending, thank you so much for all the loves, the asks, the reblogs, the notes the comments! Everything, thank you! And oh, prepare your heart ;)

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[10:00 PM/  ONE DAY AFTER THE BET]

The light inside the room wasn't much since it is night time, but it was enough to make your eyes burn a little, causing an uncomfortable feeling. You exposed your orbs once, feeling them too lazy to even move, everything too blurry, so you couldn’t really make out where you are. You close them and open them once again, this time they adjust to the environment around you quickly.

You take a glimpse around, the white walls and the intense smell of disinfectant filled your nostrils. On your back, a pair of fuzzy pillows, on your wrists needles secured with some band-aids. Outside, the sky was reserved with sparkling starts, announcing that better times were coming.

As you were going to run your fingers thru your dad’s locks. You noticed how he is resting his head on the delicate mattress of the bed, sitting on an uncomfortable wooden chair, his hand sleepily holding yours.

He wakes up in a jolt, too involved to understand that who was stroking his hair. He rubs his eyes, trying to wake up. You used that time to notice that they are swollen and have deep circles underneath.

“Kim Sun…” He cries, standing up and welcoming you right after. You lean your head on his shoulder while he caresses your hair. “I thought i lost you… I was so worried.” His masculine voice gently confesses, missing his daugher more than his rest.

“I'm ok dad, dont worry.” You smile, as he releases you from his firm grip.

“The doctor said you passed out because you were too vulnerable. She explained to me that you didn't seem to have signs of food inside your organism.” You blush flustered,  shifting your gaze from his blue eyes to your ghostly white hands. “And i also know what happened at home. Hendery informed me everything…”

“You didn't arrest him, right? It was not his fault he was-”

“Hey, calm down, girl.” Your dad interferes you. “I didn't arrest him, no.” He describes to you calmly, his features turning from carefree to concerned.

“What happened then?” You ask worriedly. “Why are you making that face?” You ask a bit louder, hands shivering and tears at the corners of your eyes.

Something is wrong, why won’t he tell you?

“I got this for you… It was written by him…” Your dad hands you a good-looking letter. The envelope is white and has written ‘For Kim Sunny,’ in his pretty calligraphy.

“What- what does this mean?” You ask in hopes that your dad would say something to ease the tension you feel inside. Something inside your body was warning you that letter was not good news.

“Read it and find out, my daugher.” He kisses your forehead. “I'll go outside tell the doctors and the two other boys outside that you are finally awake.” You nod, hearing him closing the door quietly.

You could hear the sound of the crickets from the outside, due to the sudden silence, singing their song carelessly making you feel lonely.

With trembling fingers you open the elegant envelope, finding a letter written in a sky-blue paper that perfumes like candy, you have these in your room…

“Lovely Sun,

I meant to tell you this earlier, but i didn't have the strength to, you know how weak I am when it comes to you. Some months ago i participated in an audition to train at the SM entertainment, i didn't believe i would be accepted but i was. They said my voice was melodic, that I danced admirably and my looks were definitely of an Idol.

I was accepted. I was feeling so happy and proud of myself, doing something as cool as being an Idol have always been my dream, and you know it, but as soon as i saw that I had to move to Seoul, my joy faded away.

It was hard for me to adapt to Busan, meet new people… How could i go to that enormous city by myself?

That was not the worst part, i didn't want to leave you, i wanted to keep you around me. Because we only have each other… So I thought of staying here, and wait for you. Wait for you to finally love me back, so we could date and build a family, just like i always dreamed for.

But it turns out, that dream was more stupid than the one of wanting to be an idol. We can't make people love us. And i know, i can't make you love me back, the way i want you to.

I swear, Sunny, I'm not angry at you for not loving me back, because we can't choose who we fall in love with. The same way it was not my fault that I fell for you, it isn't your fault that you don’t love me the same way.

So I accepted the opportunity and I’m moving to Seul in two days, so Hm, when you wake up on Friday, I’ll already be there, at the hotel.

I'm sorry for not telling you in your face, but i couldn't watch you in tears, i feel something so strong for you, that i dont know what it is anymore.

Please don’t hate me.

Remember me as your best friend that was always there for you, know that i will never forget you, never. You are my bestie and you will always be…

I love you,

Hendery <3

Ps: i stole your favorite teddy, please don’t be mad, i just needed something to remind me of you. “

When you concluded reading the letter, the atmosphere seemed like it was suffocating you. The tears that escaped your eyes wetted the lovely letter, blurring some letters. Your heart throbbed, really bad, and you felt shameful for what you made your best friend go thru, even though you never meant to harm him.

Deep inside you are proud of him for moving on, you are proud of him following his biggest dream, with or without you.

Still sniffing you put the letter back on the simple envelope and put on the nightstand next to the comfortable bed. You rest your head against the headboard as you try to tranquilize your breathing and to stop the tears from leaving your eyes.

The doctor comes inside silently, followed by your dad and two other characters. You clean the tears with the back of your hand, trying to pretend that you weren't disturbed. As they get closer you recognize Changbin’s and Hyunjin’s bruised face. Both of them had visible cuts all over their appearance, Changbin was even using crutches.

“How do you feel, dear?” The kind woman asks while she checks your pulsation and your temperature.

“Just lightly dizzy, but alright.” You answer shyly, the eyes of all those people reading you carefully were making you ashamed.

“You need to eat more, your body needs the energy and nutrients to stay strong. You passed out due to the pressure, and since you had no energy left your body couldn't handle the pressure properly and decided to enter the resting mode.” She explains. “No intense feelings this week. You need to feel strong so you can finish high school and go to university healthy, ok?” She suggests, knowing exactly what you were just some months away from finishing the 12th grade.

You grin softly, feeling too uncomfortable with all these eyes on you.

“Well, i think these two own you an explanation… So I will leave the three of you alone. If they try to hurt you-” You dad turns to you. “-Scream, Ill be here to arrest these two trouble makers.” He ends by stating, getting out of the hospital room with the doctor that just winked you, making you giggle.

As soon as the door closed an agonizing silence filled the room, Changbin was now sitting on the chair adjacent to your bed and Hyunjin was standing up, playing with his fingers.

You could feel your heart skip a beat at the sign of these two boys in the same room as you after what happened.

“So… I… Lemme go first.” You stumble over your words, embarrassed. “Changbin, just after all this time I realized that I pushed you away, and you didn’t drift apart from me. I really, really like you. You were my best friend, and I'm so sorry i left you behind.” You look deeply into his dark orbs, noticing his cheeks turning red. He also stares at you. He misses you so much, from all the profound conversations to the Rapp battles.

“I'm sorry i agreed to do to the bet, I'm sorry I didn't stop Minho, even when I felt guilty. I just- Hyunjin and Minho are the only friends I have, i was afraid that if i say no, they would leave me behind… alone.” He confesses flustered, burying his face behind his hands.

“I wouldn't leave you alone, Binnie.” Hyunjin shifts his eyes from your pale skin to his best friend. “I am your friend. I would be there for you. I may be cold-hearted, but i would never forget the man that was there when i needed him the most.” The lip ringed boy speaks carefully, care was obvious in his expression.

A comfortable silence now rests around you all, the love so clear in the air. But more important than the love, the friendship.

The next thing you witnessed was both of man's hugging. You could not feel more happy to see that no matter what, they always got each other back. As their part their bodies, shy from the sudden affection, Changbin walks your way and wraps his arms around your small waist, hugging you just like he always did.

“Am i forgiven?” Both of you ask at an identical time, laughing at the sudden telepathy.

You nod your head, content for being accepted back in his life, the weight being lift off of your shoulders.

“Sun…” Hyunjin starts, looking at you deep in the eyes. “I'm so sorry…” He hesitates for a whole minute, trying to find the appropriate words to say to you. “I dont have anything else to say besides I'm sorry.” The moon outside the windows seems to steal his eyes from yours, and you feel relief, too flustered to face him fully.

“Hyunjin…”

“Let me finish.” The tall man interrupts you harshly. “I didn't want to do this stupid bet since the beginning, ask Changbin if you don’t believe me. I wanted to keep you away from me because I thought you were too perfect to be close to me. You always look so free from your mind, so happy. You radiate such a happy aura, and I- I am no one. Not even my dad loved me enough not to leave me alone with my mom.” He confesses moving towards the window, gazing at the sky as he talks, he can’t say these words while looking into your eyes, he will break in tears.

And his ego can't show that…

“Now, I know that you have eating disorders, you only have your dad and that your best friend abandoned you.” Your heart throbs in pain at the memories of Hendery. “I started to feel so good in your company. Your laugh calmed me down and your eyes would make me stop breathing from how pure they were… Even though i may be in love with you, i can’t be yours.” Hyunjin studies at his dusty white Nikes, trying to calm down.

He is telling you the truth, he is opening up after all of this.

“Hyunjin…”

“You deserve better than me.” He finishes speaking and walks over you. His slender digits grab your chin gently, forcing your head up, and while his eyes were locked with yours, his lips came in contact with yours as well, molding against yours like the best creation God has ever made.

“So, what happens now?” You ask as your lips part, unhappy that the kiss was so short.

“I won’t go to study anymore. My mom needs help with money to take care of my little brother, so i will start working.” He informs you walking away from you.

“You could work and study…” Changbin suggests, trying to keep his best friend close.

“I'm not good at school, so its no big deal… I hope you can move on from me and find a man that will treat you the way you deserve.”

Hyunjin plays with the red roses that were resting inside a tall, transparent jar. Those roses reminded him of you, so beautiful, pure and fragile.

“But Hyunjin, I dont want another man, i want you.” Those words shocked him. Inside of him, there was a war, his brain was screaming at him to leave but his heart crying your name aloud.

“If you leave me, you will be just like your dad… Will you be able to live with that regret? With that lonely love? When i am right here, forgiving you, and giving you one last chance?” You ask him, your voice cracking from the sobs that wanted to escape, as you close your eyes.

“Man, we can help you out. We can study with you, work with you, help you earn money… We are here for you, let that pride go for once. Tell your ego to go lower just a little.” Changbin states, watching his best friend fight on the inside.

Silence involved the three of you for a while, while Hyunjin fought against his demons.

Suddenly, you feel his strong arms around you, pulling you closer to him. The familiar smell of cigarettes and mint calming down your poor, broken heart.

“I will stay with you… with both you… but give me time to adjust to this, alright?” Hyunjin shyly takes your hand on his, and looks at Changbin, watching him with the biggest smile on his edges.

Hyunjin was finally and genuinely happy after a while.

[Previous] [Masterlist]

[anastasiaskarsgard]

X marks the spot !!!!

Part 8- Brooke POV

End of summer

Smut, cussing, drugs, drama, errors, mention of abuse, bullying, etc

I really did have to pee.

I made a beeline for the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Wtf did Lily want to talk about? Mark didn’t want her!

Suddenly I remembered Marks’ seemingly innocent question (at the time) about fighting a girl for him.

Jesus.

Having a hot ass boyfriend had its downsides. I checked myself over in the mirror, and tied my hair back in a bun, just in case it popped off with this Lily girl. Might as well apply some mascara and lipstick too. I only was wearing a bathing suit, but not much I could do about that now.

I walked out of the bathroom to find Bex and Lily having a heated, yet quiet discussion. Lily had a phone out, while Bex was trying to make her put it away. Bex didn’t want me to see it. Lily did. I was a little curious, but before I could say anything Mark stormed in the room.

“What the fuck is this?” Mark yelled at nobody in particular.

All three of us froze and looked at Mark. With it being quiet now, I could hear the audio playing on the phone. It almost sounded like Mark’s voice.... Ok, now I was real fucking curious.

Lily and my eyes met, and I couldn’t help but notice just how utterly desperate and sad she looked. I felt a pang of pity for her. It must have been hard losing Mark. I wonder what happened between them.

Shit, what had Bex said?

Bex grabbed Lily’s hand and pulled her past Mark. If looks could kill, then Lily would have been struck dead by the nastiest glare, I’d ever seen Mark produce. He looked positively livid. This was that Mark I hadn’t recognized from earlier. I hope I never was on the receiving end of one of these looks...

“I’ll take Lily downstairs, and you guys probably wanna talk. Don’t fuck in my bed or break anything.” Bex said with a warning tone and closed the door.

Mark looked pissed. He wasn’t moving, but his gaze followed me as I walked to the bathroom. I wasn’t sure what to say.

On the one hand, he’d resisted his ex for me. But on the other hand, what was that video, and why was she trying to show me? Would I be betraying my fellow females if I just let it go? Why did Bex want to keep it from me?

I didn’t know what to do, so I got my make up out and started to touch it up. Any girl will tell you, a lot of decisions are made, touching up their make up.

“Baby? Why were you hanging out with her?” Mark walked in the bathroom and held me around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder, carefully watching my reaction to his question.

“She followed me up, and I just literally came out of the bathroom when you showed up. She wanted to show me something on her phone, but Bex wouldn’t allow it. No big deal.” I shrugged.

His face fell, and he looked like he was about to cry. The desperation in his eyes and utter panic broke my heart. Whatever was in that video was, it had him freaked out.

“Did you guys make a porno or something?” I teased flicking my eyes up to his, to gauge his reaction now.

“Brooke, I am so sorry, I was young, and it seemed cool at the time but ...

My stomach flipped, and I DID NOT want to hear this, so I turned around and kissed him to shut him up. “I love you,” I said without pulling our lips apart.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Mark kept saying over and over as he kissed me all over my face. I giggled, and he looked me straight in the eyes and it took my breath away. He is so beautiful. “You’re mine. I never want to lose you. I only want you ever.” He looked so sincere.

He picked me up and sat me on the bathroom vanity untying my swim bottoms and moving my bathing suit top triangles over, so my breasts were completely exposed. He was so gentle and careful, licking each nipple while looking up at me.

He stood up and gently held my face in both hands and kissed me passionately, letting out a sexy little groan before stepping back and looking at me. “I love you so much. It makes me almost crazy. I never felt this way for anyone. I almost had a fucking meltdown when I saw you with her. Promise me you won’t be friends with her or any of her fucking friends. Promise.”

“Mark.... you're ridiculous.” I giggled trying to pull him back in, but he wouldn’t budge.

He glared at me and in a low almost threatening tone he said through gritted teeth, “promise. Me. Now.”

“Ooooh or what?” I teased with a big shitty smile on my face.

Before I could even react, he grabbed me by my arm and dragged me over to the bed, roughly slinging me down, as he got on top of me. No smily or playful Mark. I wasn’t scared, because I believed in my heart he’d never hurt me, but I was alarmed with this behavior.

“Bex said not to fuck on her bed,” I said in an effort to lighten the mood, and maybe change the subject.

“You think that’s what I wanna do? Fuck you? Why? Cuz you’re a fucking whore? You’re like your new fucking whore besties?” He seethed.

“Mark, why are you acting this way? When did I become a whore?” I’d never been so confused in my life. Where on earth was this coming from all of a sudden?

“I don’t know! That’s a good fucking question!!! I thought you were my sweet, perfect, baby girl, ride or die!!! I thought that you wanted to make me happy, and never would lie to me, or cheat on me, but now I bring you to one fucking party, and you are getting buddy-buddy with my fucking ex! WHY DONT YOU MAKE A FUCKING VIDEO GRINDING ON THOSE BITCHES? WHILE MAKING OUT IN BATHING SUITS? YOU MIGHT GET A FEW HUNDRED LIKES! Hashtag FUCKING SLUTS!” Mark screamed in my face at the end there.

I couldn’t help it, I was trying to hold back tears and catch my breath, but the more he went on, it just got worse, and I burst out crying.

Mark immediately went from menacing glare, to concerned puppy dog eyes. “Oh, my god baby! Baby! Look at me, don’t cry. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m drunk.”

I couldn’t look at him. I don’t know why I was straight up hysterically crying, choking and heaving, but I was, and I wasn’t going to look at him.

He got off of me and paced back and forth, grabbing his head. After a few minutes. I looked over at him, and he was coming towards me with tissues.

He took some out, and picked me up like a baby and sat on the bed, cradling me in his arms. This was my Mark. He looked so loving and caring and He was so pretty.

I bet I looked terrible and crazy. I couldn’t remember why I even got so upset. I hated fighting with him. I couldn’t think straight.

All I knew is, I needed Mark to want me still. Looking back, this probably was a huge red flag, and I should of got my shit and left. But I was an idiot over him. “Mark?” My voice was all raspy from my crying fit.

He looked in my eyes, and I could feel the panic returning as a lump rose in my throat... “What is it, beautiful girl?”

I started to shake with sobs again, but he brought our faces together, and he kissed me hungrily, boogers, tears and all.

He stood up still kissing me and carried me back in the bathroom, setting me back on the counter.

“I’m so sorry, Brooke, I’m so sorry.” He peppered kisses all over my face.

He stepped back and looked me over as I tried to hide my face. He took my chin and moved my face up, looking in my eyes adoringly. “you are the most beautiful fucking bitch on the motherfucking planet, and you’re all mine. I’m sorry I acted like a dick. You gotta listen, I love you so much, I go crazy.”

He began kissing me again, moving down my chest. He started to suck on one breast while he toyed with the other with his hand. Biting and licking my nipple, and then blowing on it, so it was at attention. Then he switched Breasts and took that hand and put it into my core. I was so turned on his fingers slipped in easily. He let out his sexy Mark growl, and I reached for his cock. I was shocked how I could go from hysterical basket-case, to bitch in heat in no time flat, But I wanted him so bad.

“Ah, ah. Not yet. I want to taste my perfect little pussy first.”

He spread my legs and got on his knees and went to work, all while his gorgeous green eyes peered up at me. He added his hand to the equation and I was now on the brink.

“ you going to come for me baby?”

I nodded quickly grabbing his hair and pushing his face back into my pussy. I was so close, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I grabbed him by his hairagain, and pulled him up, crushing his mouth with a kiss as he freed himself, and shoved himself deep inside me.

“Oh my god baby. I love this pussy, is it my pussy?” He whimpered in my ear as he slammed into me. So desperate and eager. I’d never felt so wanted in my life as I did right then.

He pulled his face back, so he could fully see me, while still thrusting at a feverish pace. He grabbed my face gently and looked deep in my eyes. Searching my eyes, for something, he suddenly grabbed my bun, forcing my head back, so I was looking straight up.

Biting my collarbone, his thrusts were becoming very erratic, and I knew he was close. I knew just what to say, to push him over the edge;

“I’m yours.”

“I want to put a baby in you,” Mark said.

“Wait. What?” I asked, eyes big as dinner plates, snapping my head back down to meet his eyes.

“I want you to have my baby.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was so hot. He didn’t mean it, and was just caught up in the moment, so I just played along.

“You wanna be a Daddy for real? Put a baby inside me, so we are yours forever? Then Cum inside me, Mark.” I said breathlessly.

His mouth fell open, and he bit my swollen lower lip. I grabbed the back of his head and sloppily made out with him as He convulsed and stuttered his load deep inside me. He let out a loud “fuck” and twitched to a stop, letting out a big exhale.

He pressed his forehead to mine, smiling. “Let’s just stay like this forever.” He whispered.

“Bex might get mad.”

“Nah, she’s cool, and we’re sexy. Who wouldn’t want to see us every time they go to the bathroom?”

I giggled and pushed him back, sliding him out of me, and hopped off the counter. He walked over to the shower and turned it on. I felt his cum dripping down my leg, so I hopped in and rinsed off. I turned around to find him staring intensely at me.

“I meant everything I said.” He said kissing my forehead.

I didn’t think he’d bring it up, so I didn’t know what to say. Not really able to process what he was saying in my intoxicated state, I went with my auto-response of “oh baby.”

He looked down at me Green eyes flashing, and his swollen lips parted just a little bit. His hair was falling into his face, and he seemed so vulnerable and pure.

He needed me to protect him. Fuck Lily. My beautiful baby was different, and no one was going to make me love him less.

Oh boy, I really do love him.

“Why do you want a kid so bad?”I asked curiously.

“I don’t want a kid as much as I just want to own you. Let everyone know I fucked you, and I’m the only one that gets to, and here’s my proof.”

“That’s got to be the least romantic answer, I’ve ever heard.”

“Plus imagine how fucking cute they’d be. Get off the birth control and let’s try.”

“Mark! You’re tripping. We are too young and I’m not going anywhere.” I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled into his chest.

After getting no response, I looked up into Marks eyes and was perplexed by his expression. He had the most expressive eyes but sometimes they were impossible to read. This was one of those times. “Look how beautiful my boyfriend is.” I said with a big cheesy smile.

He cracked a half hearted smile. “I love you so much Brooke. I don’t know how to handle it. I’m obsessed with you.” He rubbed his nose against mine.

Time to lay it on thick. I was taking advantage of this moment! This was the type of stuff you read about, or saw in movies, but right here, right now, I was living it. “Mark I love you. You couldn’t get rid of me, if you tried.”

He smiled warmly down at me. “I love you more princess.” He embraced me rocking back and forth for a few moments and I just looked in the mirror at us, and then at my face. Boy did I look rough. I needed like a whole new face of make up, and all I had was mascara and lip gloss. Maybe Bex would let me—

“Baby, What are you thinking about?” He interrupted my thoughts.

Shit. Better not say eyeshadow.

. “Just how lucky I am to have a boyfriend that’s as madly in love with me as I am him.” Okay, so maybe that was bullshit, but it was true. Before Mark, I didn’t believe I could feel so strongly for someone, and they would feel the same.

He released me and turned off the water before handing me a towel and getting out. He dried off quickly and got dressed while I was still drying my hair. He grabbed my bathing suit bottoms and tied them back on me, double knotting each side. He grabbed a brush and started to brush my hair.

“I feel like one of those monkeys on the Discovery Channel. How are you at eyeliner?”

“I love making MY baby the prettiest girl in all of America... maybe even the world.” He did a cheesy Dr. Evil laugh, and then we both just started laughing like idiots. The more I tried to stop, the worse the laughing fit became.

Finally able to breathe again, he took my hand and lead me downstairs. If I hadn’t been so crazy in love, I might have noticed the infuriated glare from the petite blonde on the couch. Or maybe I’d have caught Bex’s worried face, as she looked between Bex and us. But I didn’t catch any of that.

All I could see, was Mark.

[katie-----luv]

ANSWERING QUESTIONS FROM THORAYA MARONESY

Can you describe someone you love?

He’s tall. He’s so dumb sometimes. Very very handsome. He makes my heart beat so hard that i feel like i’ll throw up if i stay around him. Even if I'm just thinking about him or have something of his, i feel absolutely crazy about him. I can't tell anyone who it is, but i want the whole freaking world to know how much i love this person because of how amazing he is. He wears his heart on his sleeve and gives up so much to make others comfortable and happy. He matches his clothes well haha and when he smiles, he makes me wanna stare forever. I could literally look at him all day. He asks me things that no one else cares about and he makes me feel so welcome. Even though I literally cannot be with him for so many reasons, he will always be the one that i will love more than anyone in the entire universe and i hate it but it is reassuring that I can love someone so much. He’ll never leave too. And the best thing about him is he gives the most amazing hugs. Long, amazing hugs. Middle of the night or 4 am, he always wants a hug from me. And no matter why or what happened, i will always want a hug from him. Because he just makes me feel everything. I love him so much that even if it's indescribable, i still try because it's worth it for him. Even if these words barely light the candles on the cake. 

What's the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

I think my sister. We’re sisters, ya know, we hate each other one second, but the next, she is as amazing as she was before. I think she is the most beautiful because of how she deals with life. She always questions, she gets deep. She isn’t simple-minded at all, very talented in art. She is the smartest person I've ever known personally. And I love how free she is. In a sense where she doesn't want to be like everyone else. She deals with her own crap like everyone else but at the end of the day, she is still getting back up and laughing. And she is so weird too haha. She likes things like care bears and wants to move to a billion different places and do a billion different careers and marry an Australian man. Her goals and personality just crack me up.

Can you define love?

Love doesn't really have a definition in my opinion. If you really love someone, you’re left speechless, you don't have the words to define what you feel because of how overpowering it is.

Can you define hate?

Hate is a major pain that is..like it feels like someone put a blanket on your heart and took swings at it until whatever or whoever you hate walked away. It's a pain that makes you feel more angry at one thing than anything else i guess.

What's your biggest regret?

I have plenty but I guess the one that sums them all up would be ever lying. Lying is what gave me more regrets. If not lying then maybe falling in love. No one really thinks i have ever been in love but i was in love with someone and they were in love with a made up version of me pretty much. I miss them everyday and i lost them bc i lied. So yeah, goes with lying but i hate that i ever fell in love with them whether it was real them or just a lie too.

Kindest act?

When i was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had a bunch of money saved up, close to $200 from birthday money and other holiday money. I spent some. I didn't know what to do with the rest, so I gave it to my school counselor to give to the leukemia charity that they were funding for the month. When they announced on the announcement that i was the biggest donator, they got my name wrong and called me Kayle instead, but I didn't care because I knew I did something good. It was $97.

Wildest dream?

I’ve had some crazy ones so it's hard to choose or remember all of one.

Biggest fear?

I used to think it was being murdered or kidnapped or maybe even spiders. Now i know that it's of being hurt. I've been hurt by lots of people before and ive cried so many times alone but didn't wanna tell anyone and pushed it down. It ended up making me do some things that i shouldn't have because I didn't wanna think about being hurt and i feel like if i have to keep pushing things down, ill continue to be afraid to speak out and be sad for a long time again.

Best and worst quality?

That's kinda hard because i have a lot of both. I guess I'll just pick at random though because i can't chose. I have a quality that can be good and bad at the same time. It's that I'm forgiving, i don't know when to give up on people. It's good because I can give people chances which makes a good friendship bc i dont just drop them. But it's bad because sometimes i give the wrong people too many chances and get hurt over and over. But when i try to figure out when to let go and give up, i do it at the wrong time and make more issues. So it's complicated.

When have you felt the most alive?

If I'm choosing a whole time period, up until 4rd grade. A moment in the times I remember, when I dropped someone holding me back. I say up until 4rd grade because all times before then, I didn't care what people thought. I was never hurt like i have been since. I was a happy kid who played with littlest pet shop and had a billion besties. And i say when i dropped someone holding me back i mean that i was hung up on someone I thought loved me unconditionally and I loved them so much. He ended up not caring about me anymore which was understandable. But later on when I finally told him to go away because all he did was make me hurt, I stopped talking to him, and I was so so so SO free.

What's the best advice you’ve been given? 

You have to love people for who they are. My mom told me this. I don't like judging people or making people hurt or uncomfortable. But sometimes people have qualities that I just can't stand but they are some of my closest friends. So when my mom told me this, I felt like if i can't love them past these qualities, maybe i need to realize whether or not i love them really, because I can't change them to fit my needs or wants.

What's been your biggest obstacle?

Trying to get passed drama whether it was created by me for myself or drama with everyone. I made mistakes, I'm human, but it's been tough trying to learn from them. Now, I'm starting to see where I went wrong and moving past it to grow. 

Most embarrassing story?

I have a lot and I physically can't make myself type any bc they're so bad.

Your perfect life partner?

Someone who doesn't care when I'm being a bum. Someone who loves me and respects me. I'm not big on too much PDA. every once in a while, i'll kiss or hold someone's hand but usually, i feel embarrassed for whatever reason. So id like them to remember that and ask or hint first. I dunno.

What does beauty mean to you? 

Beauty means personality and looks to me. It doesn't mean hot or pretty. To me, beauty is how you describe someone that's indescribable.

Favorite memory?

Well i have a lot of memories that make me smile so much. But the one that I can think of off the top of my head is probably when I went up to Ohio where my cousins live around x-mas. The year before, my little cousin Silas passed away on New Years eve. We all went to this thing where they sang xmas music, had santa, and lit up some building. Me and all my cousins had our arms around each other and we were all singing together. It felt good that even though only a year before, we lost someone so young, we could all still smile and stay strong, together.

A moment that moved you?

I was at bob evans once with my mom and sister and a random old man paid for our meal and came to us saying he just wanted too. I never forgot that old man and that happened back when I was maybe 5 or 6 and i'm way now.

What would the title of your movie be?

hm...Self-inflicted because i self inflict too many issues for myself.

How have you changed?

I’ve learned so many lessons that I needed to learn.

What do you wish you said?

I wish i apologized about so much. I also wish I told my parents why I made so many mistakes. If i had done both of those things then I wouldn't have so many regrets because I would have had less drama and maybe some support or help.

Your last words?

I'm sorry i pushed it all down.

One thing you would change about yourself?

Maybe some of the things that go through my head. I can be really rude or sound super depressed. I would change how I handle that in my head.

Biggest pet peeve?

Matching and lint/hair on clothes. If you don't match or are covered in lint/hair, it makes me feel so anxious.

What's your purpose?

I think I may actually be too young to answer, but i'll tell you when i know.

Your one simple rule?

I think I have too many to answer that.

What are you looking forward to next?

Moving away. I have so many bad relationships with friends and ive lived in the same place for my entire life. I feel like i live in a box and i need to experience other places. I want to grow in life but is hard when i'm in the same place everything has happened. So moving will help me grow a lot.

What are you most proud of?

My academic achievements. I still suck at math but I'm hoping that I can fix that and maybe I'll really have all honors classes. As of now, I have almost all honors, just missing math.

What do you miss most in life?

Feeling happy for more than a short period of time. I'm not as sad as i used to be. But back when i was always depressed, i was the definition of pushing it all away around my family. I never told my parents and still haven't told them how sad I really always felt, only the jist, because of school and life. And now, i have better things that make me happy but at the end of the day, I always feel worthless and drained.

How would you like to be treated?

I would like to be treated like i'm as equal as everyone else. My close friends know that I haven't been in a good place for a while, i went through family drama because of me for a while and i'm starting to finally fix my mistakes but it's tough because they all treat me like i can't be told about their problems since it might make me worse i guess. And I think that's also why they treat me like the ‘leader’. Out of pity. It's been that way my whole life. Even as a little kid. And i hate it. I just wanted to be treated like i'm a friend not like what i need matters more than anyone else's needs because i have ‘issues’.

What do you want to let go of?

Everything that's been put in the past. I know it's been put there for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. I want to let go of the mistakes I made in the past because I opened my eyes and saw that that's what they are, mistakes. And even if it happened yesterday, i wanna let go, because it's time to move on if it's not happening.

What does the world need?

A big slap of sense. So many are oblivious to the issues we cause to the world and what issues are just happening to the world. While some things are serious, there are bigger problems than what celebrity slept with someone last night. Things such as suicicide and global warming are real and everyones too busy worrying about chris hemsworth’s abs and so and so’s herpes. I'm guilty of it too, but more and more I realize that there's serious things happening and no one is doing much. 

What makes you happy?

There's a few things but for some reason, my cousins makes me unbelievably happy. When I'm around them, they're not my cousins. They are the best best friends I could ever ask for. I have never loved anyone more than I love all of them. When i hear i get to see them, I'm on it! I hope for the words ‘we’re going to ohio’ every second. I absolutely love them to death, even the ones who are slower than turtles. If they were my siblings, I would want to be home daily with all of them. I cant even explain how much my heart screams to be around all of them and i have no idea why. They're all so amazing. And so are their parents and grandparents and all of them. When my family is with them, i see how much fun they have and it makes me even happier because my parents don't hangout with too many friends or close family. But with them, they talk and laugh as much as I do and I love seeing them so happy.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

OH YEAH! By friends, crushes, family. I guess if I chose one from each category, friends would be when one of my closest friends told my whole school that i had leukemia and i was getting treated. So many kids asked if I was okay and I was all, ‘what?’ when I found out, I confronted her and she lied about it. And when i didn't accept her apology, I did say some uncalled for things, but she made me feel like she could just throw away friendships left and right and she didn't care what happened. But when she lost all her friends, she cared, and she put us all on a bully form because we decided we didn't need a friend who would do something like that. And it was hard watching it happen because we’d been friends our whole life. For crushes, when I was in 5th grade, I was finally in class again with a life long crush. But he played me a bunch of times and bullied me along with his friends. That stuck with me, everything they said and did, but i only cried about it alone because I didn't think it was that serious that they bullied me. Now i see it was. For family..i think when my little cousin silas passed, I realized how serious death was because I was in 6th grade at the time, I understood it all completely. It broke me big time because id met him once and he was a sweet kid. While it brought our entire family together because of his funeral, I bawled the whole time because i felt like i could've done more to interact with him even though I never had the actual chance really. 

The hardest question I've asked?

Thats hard to answer. I think when I had to ask myself if I thought being alive was worth it. I never thought i'd be the person to have to ask myself so when i did, it hit me hard and I had to take it seriously. 

What's beautiful about you?

I think it's that i always want change and am almost always willing to change. Yeah, i'm a person so sometimes I don't want to change anything. But to me, change is so good and the fact that I'm always growing because I'm constantly needing change is beautiful because it makes me mature rather than be naive forever.

How did you find out Santa isn't real?

Oh haha. My sister. We had an elf on the shelf and her and I touched it to test if it would move still. It did. So i question if Santa was real because the elf wasn't. And i would hear people moving all the time when i went to bed x-mas eve. Yeah, i took it easily. But in the back of my head, i was always kinda salty that my sister ruined the fantasy for me. But better now than never.

How do you get through hard times?

I cry. I don't like talking about problems, I feel embarrassed and alone when I have them. So I write and I cry. Which is probably one of the worst ways to deal with it all, but music also helps and I think plenty use music to get through things.

When did you realize you weren't like everyone else?

When i realized how sad i always was. And maybe when i saw how i wasnt a super skinny kid. I'm not fat. But i'm not a stick like all these girls. And i noticed that. But yeah, when i started to feel more and more sad as I got older. And I saw how not too many others were like that.

Worst decision?

Lying because it only made life worse.

1 strange fact about me?

I have a weird birthmark where my leg starts to lead up to my underwear line on the left side. I hate wearing swimsuits like underwear because of it. It's dumb.

Most complicated question ive asked?

I honestly don't know about that one.

What do you look for in a man?

I look for a deeper part of them. I look for things like the nerdy vibes. I like nerdy or depressed guys. I don't like depressed dudes because they're depressed but because they’re the ones with the deep, interesting thoughts. And nerdy because i think dorky guys are adorable. But either way, I like when they listen and their understanding and sweet. I like when they talk a lot, but not more than me. When they make dumb jokes and do more than play video games, i like that. And when they have fashion sense. And shower.

What are you scared to share with people?

Probably what my mistakes actually are.

Earliest memory?

I have a few that I remember being super young but i don't know which one was the first one but one that I like a lot is when I was really young my mom would throw my sister and i big birthday parties and I had a close friend named Gavin Bush. he and I were close because his sister Emma was besties with my sister. But i remember at my birthday party, we were eating rice krispies together and laughing. He had a huge crush on me for the longest time and I always feel bad that I didn't notice much. But i mean, laughing with him was one of my favorite things to do back then. 

Most painful thing you've ever been told?

That i lost all trust. I lied too much and my parents told me that i lost any trust they had in me. But i try everyday to build it back up.

Kindest thing you’ve been told?

That i keep people happy, even when I'm going throw something myself. My friends have told me that even when they're mad or upset, I still make them laugh and while it pisses them off, they love that about me.

What are you ashamed of?

My body. I love some things about it and hate others. I hate my thighs and stretch marks but i remember that someone out there could care less and only cares for my mind and i feel better.

Worst thing you've done to please someone?

Lied about my whole life pretty much. Or said someone said one thing when they said the opposite to protect their feelings.

[versadies]

Hi Dan!! <333 This'll serve as the follow-up response 😤💞 I almost submitted with your name being "dna" 🙈💀 paper rings was playing while i'm writing this so i'm totally hyped up 💗💗

Tbh the angst aint hurting me that much anymore 😋 sorry ayato guess i've completely moved on from your love 🥴 might steal your boy bestie *cough* Thoma *cough* away instead 👹 (of course the Thoma stans here are included 💗) ngl im still stucked at making a url 😂😭 the anon was too stunned to speak,, 🍰🍰🍰 I didn't know that it would be too much work and pressure because man, it would serve as my main signature for whatever i post 🙈😰😰 & PLEASE DO AN ALT STORY dont hold back 😚😤💞💞

So the whole time... I'm just making things up??? 😭🥴😋 But i atleast made sense of the small details you put in your fic 🤩🥰💖 I, TOO, AM MIND-BLOWN AT MY (NOT-ACTUALLY) REALIZATIONS 😂😭 i thought you really intentionally put things there 🍰🍰🍰 and well turns out, IT'S UNINTENTIONAL 😱🧐 i still love how things turned out and makes sense 🤭 hopefully we'll get a thoma and you talking scene in your future chapters 👀 can't let this golden friendship sink down due to misunderstandings, no? :DD

I'm definitely willing to put my whole 🍰ussy in my comments as you said 😋😋😋 because why should i hold back ??? My words aren't more than enough to describe how beautifully written your fics are so 😤 i'm trying my best !! 💞💞💞

( Extra😩💨: the moment i tried to write smth i was left stumped and dumbfounded 🙈 suddenly my braincells escaped 💨💨💨 so rn, im just focusing on the other stuff to put in my blog esp the url 😌 i realize that i feel actually more big brained when sending brainrots or stuff to other people rather than for myself 🙈🙈🙈)

—xoxo, 🍰.

dan who? i only know dna 🤫🤫🤫 /j

as you should comrade as you should !!! thoma >> ayato 😤😤😤😤😤 (/j) and NOOOO I WISH U GOOD LUCK IN THINKING OF AN URL 😭😭😭 it took me a long time to think of my versadies url so i understand the struggle 💀💀 do take ur time in thinking of one since it is your signature of your works :DDDDD as for the alt story, let’s see in the future if i’ll end up making one 🤔🤔🤔😉😉😉

we rlly did have both minds blown 😭😭😭 i can reassure you that reader and thoma will interact more in the future !! but who knows when that will happen 🤔🤔🤔 find out on next week’s episode of SPYxFAMILY— /j

you flatter me too much comrade 😭😭😭 your words are def enough for me and i ty for ur dedication 👊👊👊

( extra : oh i hate it when that happens to me 😭😭😭 i hope you won’t have a hard time on fixing your blog !! im sure you’ll be able to write something once you’re done with making your blog :DDDDD )

[youfitinmyspookypoem]

hey, this is so random but i really wanted to ask you something. i’ve been struggling with my sexuality for years and i just don’t know what to do anymore, i have no experiences at all & no one (except for my therapist) knows about all that. how did you know that you were gay & how did you come out to your family&friends? also how did you accept your sexuality? this is all so hard ugh :( i’d be super happy if you answered 🙈🏳️‍🌈

hey bestie sorry for taking so long to answer this, I hope you're doing okay <3 it's been almost five years since I figured it that I wasn't straight and honestly, I still overthink my identity constantly but I think that's okay because for one it can change over time and also it's not like society makes it necessarily easy, I don't think I had one specific moment where I realized that I was queer, I think it was mostly seeing people who looked like me and who I could relate to who happened to be lgbtq and my brain going "hold on people can look like this and be queer?" and suddenly it just made sense to me, I am still not out to most of my family members but at this point, I don't plan on coming out to them, I told my mom though like two years ago and it was awkward and I was nervous, we were having coffee and i just went "mom i also like women" but it was fine, we went on a long walk afterwards and she just asked questions, and i told most of my friends via text message but now when i make new friends i dont come out anymore i just casually mention it in conversations (i do live in a big, diverse city tho, so people are usually very accepting), and with the self aceppting part i persoanlly never had a problem with it, remember that you deserve just as much love and respect and that nothing about your life really changes if you dont want it to, in the end of the day this is your journey, take your time, change your mind, try things, whatever makes YOU happy, and remember there's a whole community waiting for you and willing to welcome you with open arms <3

[rosies-pastimes]

you got this let's zoom zoom past the lessons ~ (I um haven't been able to play because my laptop's being a bit unstable ;-; looking to get it fixed!)

yayay (o´▽`o)

the fork- hope you enjoyed your zhongli kin moment hehe (I haven't collected things in my teapot for a few days oops) childe and Bennett are very thankful, and tohma (thoma?) better be when he comes home to you

ah yes the dance scene I remember being all 👁👁 at the manga panel- mm yes ✨ spice ✨

oh. mhm yes it runs in the family! (I keep thinking things that have already happened in the anime happen later but no, my perception of the timeline of events is a whole mess)

I want to watch ittt but school! I don't know when I'll finally start the anime but I will tell you :D

hasfgda yeah don't get bewitched by those pretty, pretty eyes- *slaps cheeks* snap out of it

ohh mm yeah :( hug? *opens arms* summer 2020 was like the best period of being in the haiku fandom from what I've seen quite a few people say, and unfortunately as one gains more fans, there will be some questionable ones in the mix :/

re: the second ask

ahaha yeah he just slipped away and disappeared into his room without so much as an explanation?? he was acting so suspicious and all too argh

true! I just thought it would've been nice to have been able to have a part where we just roam around the human world, but I suppose since the only actually characters we see aren't there we got back to devildom pretty quickly (game-wise)

I have no items for the cards (mostly the watches... and it's a little frustrating when you use quick clear and only get the gems !!) yess please I just want to get to that point in the lesson and actually see what happened let me win the battlesss

ahh but also trying out the different dialogue options is quite fun too sometimes! but of course, where there's a will there's a way

- 🎮

i've been playing cookie run kingdom the whole day 🥲 plus rushing through my modules ownxiaja BUT IM HERE NOW 🥰 still trying to salvage my teapot (◕ᴗ◕✿)

hold up- OBEY ME HAS A LAPTOP OPTION? :0 i slowed down a little too cuz my cards arent strong enough again zkanakak HELP HAHAHAHA I KEEP RUNNING OUT OF THE GAME CURRENCY 😭

I LITERALLY WENT 👁️👄👁️ leviathan where the heckie do you think you're going-

i would have been happy if the brothers themselves went into the human world to snatch mc away or something cuz they missed her skdjso HAHAHAHA THEN LUCI WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SO MAD AT THEM AND SO HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME

I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT WHEN THE THING YOU NEED ISNT IN THE REWARDS YOU GATHERED NOT EVEN ONE LIKE HELLO?? GIVE ME BACK MY AP 😭

there's one particular part that im itching to just look up because my heart kennat 🥲 it kennat 🥲

i always look myself in the mirror and go hoe behavior whenever the dialogue suggests that mc flirt with multiple brothers akzjossk HAHAHAHAHA OMG WHATS WRONG WITH ME HAHAHAHA

the zhongli kinnie moment isnt the most fun moment, any childe kinnies out there to pay my bills? 🥲 but not really because strong independent woman 😤

childe and bennett are, they can hit thingies pretty hard now 😌 (tohma and thoma are both correct bestie btw) HE WOULD 🥰 tohma = good man 🥰

YES TELL ME AND WE CAN SQUEAL OVER DOMI TOGETHERRRRR

it feels like he's staring into my soul sometimes with how he looks into the camera and stuff BUT PRETTY EYES so i dont look away 😌 they're glowy too hehe i like glowy things in case yoy couldnt tell

*accepts your hugs* i am touch starved someone hold me 🥲

yeeaaahh I AGREE there were so many tiktok audios, trends, and all the good stuff that i LOVED being part of a a great fandom sm, but now, like i said, im not as invested in it anymore, so thats a bummer :( i even bough haikyuu stickers that arent all used yet and are just chilling in my drawer, a kenma lamp (the greatest purchase of my life idc what my wallet was screaming at me) and like i even crocheted things in the color motifs of the schools i liked, namely and aoba johsai top and a nekoma hoodie, with cat ears even ksnsja THEY TOOK SO LONG TO MAKE 😭

i still love it though, defo a fave cuz it's one of the first anime fandoms i joined :)