#i am trying so hard to budget and its going well but this is making my self control want to fall apart

[lostherlemons]

i will not buy sakuracon tickets even though hayamaru and chemii were announced as guests. i will not spend money even though i desperately want to meet them. i will not. i will not do it. i will be strong. i will not blow the 2024 budget and goals that i am trying to meet. i w

[oh-no-its-bird]

Look all I'm saying is that if I were going to make a minecraft movie.

Well, first off I'd put down the first person to even reccomend we do it in cgi. Not just because it looks objectively terrible and half of the magic and nostalgia factor of minecraft is in its texture but holy shit budget much??? You are literally looking at a situation where the cheaper option is also objectively the better option. What the fuck are you doing

But I mean, after that.

Second off, all my writers must watch popular smps and minecraft roleplays/let's plays to understand the "magic" of the game. That's how we're studying for this, not the game books or whatever. Those guys are clearly doing smthn right, and as the executive/writer who knows very little about mineraft that I am in this hypothetical scenario, I need to do my best to make money. And that means learning what people like about the game and community.

Maybe even bring on some popular (non controversial please god) smp writers for consulting. They literally make minecraft movies as their fucking job, they are the expert u need to consult

Story wise, you NEED to choose if you wanna play this straight or silly. I'm so sick of movies trying to be all emotional and "ohh this world is so beautiful,, if u could only understand,, woaa" with their epic sound track and dramatic lighting, but then the dialogue being ripped out of a stupid marvel knockoff trying too hard to be witty

Anyways. Give me a generic "kid has a hard life and uses [thing] to escape it but then their parent trashes [thing] to teach them a "lesson"" movie.

The thing is minecraft and this kid is totally in love with letsplays and smps and has a server with their online friends (get a sponsorship from discord for that good good film sponsorship money, have them play while in call)

The mom or dad or maybe both trash the kids computer for some reason (bad grades maybe or one of those shitty "you need to talk to us more!!! That computer is killing ur brain!!! You don't love us as much as you should and it's that damn games fault!!!" But like it's actually just a kid being a normal fucking kid and having normal fucking kid hobbies things and the parents are dicks)

They delete the minecraft world rip

Them boom, kid somehow gets stuck in the game

Switch to NON CGI FILMING IN MINECRAFT. If you really need to add your stupid shitty fucking cgi then at least make it look like an ACTUAL MINECRAFT ANIMATION holy shit

It'll save us so much money too

So main plot is this kid, being trapped in minecraft, actually falling through different minecraft servers.

We can have different cameos from popular smps and youtubers, get some old youtubers and gameplay in here too. Get fucking dantdm and the diamond minecarts og series with the lab thing, it'll make the old fans lose their fucking MINDS.

The youtubers themselves don't even have to show up, just shove the kid into settings that are clear references to smps and letsplays. Have them wander through Aphmau's OG minecraft diaries sets or Sundee's lucky block series

The best part is that as backdrops, you don't even have to fully commit to "you'll only get this/find this interesting if you know these guys" bc if your writing is good enough you can still make people care by just. Introducing it correctly. Don't present it as "Aphmau's old minecraft diaries series world" go "oh wow look st this cool village,, woah I wonder who built this ,," And have them interact with NPCs organically

Meanwhile the parents go into the game after the kid to bring them back and we do this whole world hopping adventure where the parents learn that,, minecraft can be fun? Actually?

They find the kid and the kid is like "nooo I'm having too much fun the real world SUCKS!!!" but then we do that "it's cool to have fun and indulge but you still need to be present in the real world and do real people things too in order to have that fun responsibly" where somehow the kid realizes that moderation is good for u.

Maybe they almost die in game fr fr? Every world they enter has its difficulty upped a little bit till they enter *gasp* a hardcore world (oh no)

So like the kid learns that you can't just lock yourself in the room and wish the world goes away while you play minecraft for 12 hours straight, and the parents learn that minecraft is cool and fun and can be a good outlet and outlets are important for adults and children alike. And also that they totally pulled a dick move and they need to try to understand their kid instead of just demanding the kid understands them

Somewhere along the way, the kid ends up in their friends server and the friends help to pull them out of the game w the parents

We end the movie with the kid making an effort to be more present with the parents, and the parents also making an effort to interact with the kid in ways that they know the kid will enjoy and respond well to— shown a family dinner scene where the kid very eagerly eats their food while talking about school, then they all go to play minecraft together

The end <3

Oh right and if you seriously want Jack Black there so fucking bad then make him either the dad or like. School computer teacher who helps the kid use Minecraft EU to learn science (shows off that some schools use minecraft for education purposes) who also helps the kids friends pull them and the parents out of the game

Overall, lots of themes not just about how the game is cool and can let you do cool shit, but also about how the community is cool, and how it's provided so many kids and adults outlets to express themselves and have fun together

That's how you do a game movie

Anyways yeah, minecraft movie looks shit. Hire me instead next time

[sgiandubh]

Chère Madame Connasse/ Dear Mrs. Fuckwit

First of all, please excuse the length of this answer (you have also been blocked, incidentally speaking). This deserves its own audio. In French, since the French connection is so fucking tenuous:

Here is the English translation, since I am pretty sure Madame Connasse does not speak any French:

'Dear Mrs. Fuckwit,

Oh, well - how may I put it? I also find interesting that such an idiot would lose her time sending such enormous things to a page she hates and which, in return, cordially tells her to go fuck herself.

I usually am entitled to some pretty mighty garbage, but you do have enough vocabulary as to use words like 'hubristic' and 'vortex'. That makes you, by the way, very vulnerable and also more exposed than Uganda's current budget.

But why not you, after all, like so many others? The more, the merrier and you do write, not without some chutzpah, that my French connection is tenuous, as is my legal expertise and that I make you laugh, along with all the rest of the shipper community. Which, to be honest, is as untrue as possible. But it must be such a pain in the ass for you to see that people read me, that people like what I write and that, who knows, all those people (of which there are many), have a better day, in this bizarre environment.

I have already shown you some pictures of myself, including at official events. It was not enough.

I have already shown you my car, my office, my desk and my diplomatic passport. It was not enough.

With just one click you could have checked all the (very transparent) clues I have patiently scattered in my posts, in order for you to find me. Some did. They know perfectly well that you lie and you know it, too.

So, here's the deal, you stupid bitch: your cackle will turn sour when you'll see this very official paper:

This is just one of my law degrees - my Public Law BA at the Paris II University, in June 2001, as you can see by yourself. I have worked so hard and so passionately to get it, that I don't give a flying fuck about the fact that a nobody, and a coward to boot, doubts me. I have nothing to prove, nothing to demonstrate and I owe you nothing. However, sometimes one must set the record straight and I am a very impulsive person, after all.

I shall spare you all the rest, dear Mrs. Fuckwit. There is much more, but I am afraid your self esteem could never bear it. That being said, think twice, the next time you'd try to humiliate someone you do not know. Internet is so wonderfully sketchy that you never know (pinky promise: like never, ever know) to whom you're really talking. People lie very easily in here: I find this ridiculous and useless, in 2024, when one can find more or less everything about anyone. In no time at all, provided one knows exactly how to do it (between you and me, it's not even that complicated).

You and your posse of Pointless Underlings have insulted and intimidated dozens and dozens of people of our community, with an absolutely revolting ferocity. You have been doing it for years, with complete impunity and the strong belief that you were protected by a particularly perverted context, by some obscure agendas and by the indifference of the Two Main Characters. I am here to tell you I am not afraid and also that I couldn't care less about whatever you'd write or think. You will do it again, of course, because I think your obsessive universe is limited to the tiny window of your delusions.

But don't worry, dear Mrs. Fuckwit: until further notice, I shall make mine what a distant descendant of Irish Rebels, marshal of France Mac Mahon, said during the Crimea War - I am here and I am here to stay.

Also, you know: she who laughs last laughs the best.'

[spacehippieface]

A monstrous tripod, higher than many houses, striding over the young pine trees, and smashing them aside in its career; a walking engine of glittering metal, striding now across the heather; articulate ropes of steel dangling from it, and the clattering tumult of its passage mingling with the riot of the thunder. A flash, and it came out vividly, heeling over one way with two feet in the air, to vanish and reappear almost instantly as it seemed, with the next flash, a hundred yards nearer. Can you imagine a milking stool tilted and bowled violently along the ground? That was the impression those instant flashes gave. But instead of a milking stool imagine it a great body of machinery on a tripod stand. [...]

Seen nearer, the Thing was incredibly strange, for it was no mere insensate machine driving on its way. Machine it was, with a ringing metallic pace, and long, flexible, glittering tentacles (one of which gripped a young pine tree) swinging and rattling about its strange body. It picked its road as it went striding along, and the brazen hood that surmounted it moved to and fro with the inevitable suggestion of a head looking about. Behind the main body was a huge mass of white metal like a gigantic fisherman’s basket, and puffs of green smoke squirted out from the joints of the limbs as the monster swept by me.

Let's talk tripods! Every artist and fiilmmaker has different interpretations of the fighting machines. It's not hard to picture a towering three-legged alien death machine, of course, Wells gives us a good picture of what they look like, but I want to go over a few depictions of them and compare them to his written description, in no particular order, because I think it's interesting, and I think WOTW might actually be a special interest:

Wells drew this one himself. It's a stick figure, of course, but this was how he pictured them. I especially like the little guy going "oo-er!" at the sight of it, almost in polite terror.

The BBC version. To me, this one owes a bit more to Transformers design-wise, and moves like the Cloverfield monster, like the MUTO, like a lot of giant monsters we've seen in recent years, terrestrial or otherwise. But they are still menacing, and they actually make a clear "aloo!" noise when calling to each other. I've got to give them that, even though the BBC screwed up the Martians, the cylinder, they kept going on about Russia, the whole "you can't marry her, you're already married to your cousin" bit. It was a mess.

The Edward Gorey illustrations. O is for Ogilvy, burned like the flag. P's for the Parson, oh, what a drag. Sorry. This is basically a flying saucer with legs. Bit silly,but the tentacles are there, and the legs aren't the stiff kind Wells hated. Which brings us to...

Warwick Goble's illustrations from the original publication of WOTW in Pearson's Magazine. Wells famously hated these so much that when WOTW was published as a book, he wrote a segment into the story ragging on these stiff-legged water tower tripods. I think Goble took the milking stool description too literally, his tripods are always drawn tilted.

The 2005 Spielberg tripod. Great. Massive. Scary. Everything is there. The tentacles, the Heat Ray arm (two even), the suggestion of a head, even the basket. Say what you want about this movie with its excessive amount of Tom Cruise and young Dakota Fanning screaming, but the tripods are fantastic. Damn near perfect even. I think Wells would be very pleased.

The 1953 design. I am very fond of these, they're a great classic sci-fi ship, but they're more akin to the flying machines than the tripods. The filmmakers try to loophole their way out by talking about invisible electrostatic legs (which you can see when the machines initially appear) but I'm pretty sure they went this route because the film was getting more and more expensive and the budget wouldn't extend to stop-motion for the legs. Still, a wonderful creation, the goose neck/cobra head design for the Heat Ray is a good touch and my god, the hissing, ticking noises these things made. Love them.

The Jeff Wayne musical design. My favourite. My beloved. My nightmare fuel. Totally iconic. I'm sure when most people think WOTW, their first thought is the legendary album cover featuring one of these monsters melting the Thunder Child's valiant heart. Doesn't make them book-accurate though. The Heat Ray is built into the chassis, it's all one unit rather than a separate head on a body, the basket was given to the handling machines, and they are stiff-legged in stills. But they're scary in motion, and their howls still give me the jibblies. OH GOD, THOSE HOWLS. Opening Horsell Common And The Heat Ray on the Highlights album with that scream isn't fair!

Henrique Alvim-Corrêa's illustrations for the Belgian publication, and Wells' favourites. The effects of the Heat Ray are chilling, and they're definitely sinister when there's a lot of them just standing there or coldly blasting humans. But I'm just not sold on those googly eyes, they make them goofier. Although when these designs were used for the War of the Worlds 1913 indie game (which I still need to play) the eyes were just blank. Redemption!

[itoendme]

golden kamuy is so weird because its one of my favorite manga but whenever i try to talk to people about it all that comes out is 'unhinged pathetic men', 'the art is a little wonky' and 'the anime has low budget bad cgi' but i wanted to take an opportunity to collect my thoughts and put them into words so this will be a very self-indulgent rant.

*warning: spoilers ahead*

i feel like, outside of japan, no one really talks about gk. i currently go to school in japan, and ever since moving here i was really surprised at how popular gk is. obviously there's the live-action movie coming out in less than two weeks but there are gk pop up stores, collab events, and i've even found gk merch in bic camera (generic electronic store that just has a bunch of miscellaneous stuff) but i think the reason for that is that its hark to really understand gk without some historical and cultural background. its about war and brutality and minority culture erasure and materialism and ptsd and abandonment trauma and manipulation and coming to terms with your own identity. it's historical, but its relevant. sure, it's filled with dick jokes and toilet humor and noda-sensei taking any excuse to draw naked men, but man, it gets dark, it gets deep, and it hits hard when it wants to. but that's not to say that the humor takes away from it. it's not a lighthearted manga/anime, but i think the humor ties into it perfectly and im still not quite sure how noda-sensei does it.

and the symbolism!!! gk sure does love symbolism and i am here for it all the way. understanding where the title comes from gave me chills. theres sugimoto and the dried persimmons as a representation of himself and his life before he went to war, and there is also so much symbolism surrounding ogata (especially with the eyes; as someone whose sense of identity and self-worth hinges pretty much entirely on his ability to shoot a gun, having him kill himself by shooting out his remaining eye was *a choice*)

i also think that asirpa is one of the best female characters in anime. she's not a naive little girl, as much as some of the other characters might treat her like one. she's someone who was forced to grow up too fast, who sees her purpose and knows she can't run from it. she carries the biggest burden out of everyone. and i love her friendship with sugimoto they are the most codependent besties and i love them to death.

not to mention the amount of research that clearly went into everything goddamn.

anyway it makes me sad that outside of japan, it's not that well known, when i think its a very well thought out and impactful story

[fruitcoops]

Eeeek I am so excited to send in this request bcs I feel like it's one you could really do justice. (if you feel inspired that is. There's absolutely no pressure) but I was wondering if you'd be willing to write coops becoming more comfortable around each other? That's not the right word but just the constant butterflies sort of fading and instead realizing that love isn't all thrill it's sometimes a deep-seated love and being calm and comfy around your loved one? So like one of them doing something that used to cause butterflies and maybe sometimes does still bit it's the realization that you're so attuned to them you're used to it and love it and them?

Sorry this got really long and idk if it makes any sense or not. Anyway I love youuu and your writinggg it's such a source of comfort for me so thank you for doing what you do

Fluff in the wake of Vaincre! I think this is becoming a pattern. Though I, for one, am not complaining. Character credit goes to @lumosinlove, and Hazel, I am suing you for custody of my broken heart.

Sirius is washing the dishes and Remus puts a hand on his lower back without really thinking about it, slipping his palm beneath the hem of a Mickey Mouse t-shirt to rest over the bend of Sirius’ spine. His hand molds to the curve, fingertips on one dimple and heel of his palm on the other, thumb sliding along the lowest notch. Sirius hums and leans his head down to bonk Remus’ in a gentle greeting. They’re all small, thoughtless motions for a small, thoughtless night.

And it hits him.

The kitchen—theirs. The house—theirs. The neighborhood—theirs, where they wander after dinner sometimes or find well-traveled sidewalks to their new favorite shops and diners.

Sirius. His.

They’ve talked about moving, about kids, about after. What happens after hockey? Sirius can get through July now without growing antsy at the absence, but still, it’s taken almost a decade. A smaller house (a warmer house, a house that’s theirs) would be a good change. Not a rushed one, though. It seems there are endless hours to plan and look and comfortably explore.

Water sloshes over the marble countertop. They’ll never have to worry about money; not like Remus’ parents did. They’ll never be restricted by loans or debt or whatever neighborhood falls within budget. He came to Gryffindor marveling at an affordable single-bedroom apartment. It’s a habit he’s been trying to break on those late-night Zillow scrolls. They both love the cabin on the lake, but…

But maybe they’ll need the space.

Remus turns his head to kiss the curve of Sirius’ shoulder and sees him smile, capable hands working soap through a sponge. If they were a regular couple, he thinks—a different couple, he corrects—there might already be a new addition on the way. He can see the longing in Sirius’ eyes when they talk about it and feels the yank in his own chest at the thought. He’s wanted that since he was a child. It only grew more intense when Jules was born. It would make sense for them.

The things he’d do for a baby with Sirius’ eyes and his nose and, god, they can’t stop there, can they? The kid would need a sibling, wouldn’t they? A Regulus, a Julian, a James, a Lily that they could rely on and go headfirst with into the wonder of the world? Someone to lead, or someone to follow. To protect. Remus has never been the type to brainstorm baby names, but the amorphous dream is thrilling on its own.

Sirius makes a small noise in the back of his throat when a bubble pops and spatters Remus’ sleeve with soap. He’d be such a good dad, it’s not even funny. Remus can’t think about it too hard, or else he’ll start scrolling through PetFinder to find another dog to take the edge off.

He bites gently at Sirius’ bicep and feels him laugh, feels him swat at Remus’ hand with no real effort behind it. “Love you.”

“So you bite me?” Sirius snorts. “Weirdo.”

Remus exhales hard through his nose. “I want a baby.”

“Ouais, let me just run to CVS—”

Sirius’ snickering is not dulled by the light pinch to his ribs; Remus hides his grin in another bite. “I’m serious—”

“No, I am.”

“Oh my god,” he groans, turning away.

“Non, non, wait,” Sirius laughs. His arms wind around Remus’ waist and pull him close enough for Sirius to plant a kiss to his temple. It’s adorable, how careful he is to keep his sudsy hands out of the danger zone. He nuzzles into Remus’ cheek before straightening. “A baby. Yes. Absolutely. You know my thoughts on this.”

“I do,” Remus sighs. “And I know why it’s not a good idea right now. Still.”

“Still,” Sirius agrees. He sways them for a moment, then Remus feels a squeeze and the weight along his back is gone. The faucet flicks back on. “I want—” He presses his lips together, mouth twisting as he works it over in his thoughtful way. “I want to be there.”

Remus takes a clean towel from the drawer and begins to dry the plates. “I know.”

“And you’ll probably retire first, which is fine, but I want…” Sirius tips his head back and forth. Remus knows he’s running through their list again. The pros, the cons, the frustrating parts that they so desperately don’t want to deal with but have to anyway. Sirius scrubs at a bit of dried rice and scrunches his nose. “I want you to be there, too. Both of us. From the start.”

“I know.” It sucks. They might not have to scrape and save but time is not a resource hockey will spare them, and Remus is so grateful that Sirius takes that seriously. He meets Sirius where he is in their timeline. “I’ll retire. Take a break. I’ll go back to PT, probably faster than either of us think I will. You’ll decide when your last season is. We’ll put in an application—”

“—and by the time I’m done, we’ll have an idea of any possibility,” Sirius finishes, passing him a clean glass. They’ve repeated it so many times that it’s practically a mantra. Deep down, it gives Remus hope. The planning. It means there’s a chance. It means they’re on the same page all the way through. Sirius lets out a breath. “And then, maybe, we’ll have something concrete.”

Adoption, surrogacy…it doesn’t really matter. Both are such complicated webs of people and events and things entirely out of their control—Remus hates it, and he knows Sirius hates it more. He sets the towel down and moves to rest his forehead between Sirius’ shoulder blades, where his heartbeat keeps time against Remus’ skin. He winds his arms around Sirius’ waist and flattens his hand over Sirius’ belly to feel him breathe.

They have all options in the world, and yet it all feels much too big.

He spreads his feet a little when Sirius leans back. Measured inhales, pulse keeping a constant 60 beats-per-minute.

Remus laughs quietly.

“What?”

He shakes his head, kissing each curve of Sirius’ wingbones beneath his shirt.

“What?” Sirius presses.

“A year ago, if you grabbed me and pulled me back like that, I would have jumped your bones,” he says wryly, burying his grin in the bend of Sirius’ neck. “Listen to us, angsting about the future like a couple of old geezers.”

“Feel free to jump my bones, if you think your arthritic joints can handle it,” Sirius teases.

“I’m just saying—”

“Oh, Christ, I’m turning 29 in a year,” Sirius moans, tapping the water off with a flourish. “I’m dead. I’m dying. I am wasting away. Tell Celeste I love her—”

“We’re standing in the kitchen, washing the dishes, on a Friday night!” Remus protests. “Aren’t we supposed to be…I don’t know, going to a club or something?”

Sirius turns in the circle of his arms with a grave expression. “If we’re going out, I need to go rinse my dentures.”

Remus chooses to ignore that particular comment. “The cubs are probably raising hell and breaking hearts.”

“The cubs are extroverts.” Sirius cocks a brow. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you want to go out and get drunk with a bunch of sweaty strangers.”

He can’t help the wrinkling of his nose; the told-you-so satisfaction on Sirius’ face is fondly irritating enough that he reaches up to cover it with a loose hand. Sirius laughs and dodges him like always, biting a kiss to the side of his palm. “Anyway,” Remus prompts with a squeeze of his narrow hips. “I love you. Which was my whole point.”

“You had a point?”

“I always have a point.”

“That’s a stretch, but alright.”

“Our kitchen,” he says, tilting his chin up. “Our house, our neighborhood, our future.” A smirk pulls at his lips and he rubs his thumbs just beneath Sirius’ shirt. “Mine.”

“Yours,” Sirius murmurs around a smile. They might be getting old and married and boring, and Remus might finally be able to watch Sirius and his capable hands without going weak in the knees, but his kisses will send joy crashing through him forever and always. The future isn’t so big in the safety of a moment.

[extrakatelyn]

*extrakatelyn’s personal growth may challenge*

this month i’m going to be doing a challenge to create better habits for myself and to help me achieve my personal goals quicker. its going to consist of manifestation/affirming, healthier habits, productivity, building discipline for myself, and basically becoming a better version of me! ofc while staying true to who i am through and through.

drink more water

i recently got a stanley that has me drinking more water but i’m not very consistent w it so i would like to make it a habit everyday to drink more water out of it

start exercising more often

i am also not super consistent with working out or anything like that. i’m going to be paying for a gym membership myself so that will definitely have me working out on a consistent basis.

affirming & manifesting

i unfortunately do have a habit of being pessimistic and talking horrible so I’m taking the initiative this month to start talking more positive everyday. including affirming myself and manifesting the life that i truly deserve!

trying out new baking recipes

i always been into baking but i have gotten more into it recently so this may I’m looking forward to trying out some more recipes and really perfecting my craft.

becoming more disciplined

overall i need a reset in discipline. i used to have it but have lost it over time so I’m now gonna really work hard in this area because its gonna help me in all the other areas i want to improve really.

build my savings more

i think we allll have a habit of buying the things that we want even though we know we should be putting that money in our savings or taking out money in our savings to buy something we really want. this month I’m putting a complete stop to that and I’m going to budget my money accordingly bc one of the best things you can have is a financial backing for a rainy day.

start actually getting ready for the day

i will quite literally stay in bed for the whole entire day, so Im definitely changing that this month by trying to get up and get ready for the day. including doing my hair and my makeup. I’m too gorgeous to not showcase my beauty as often as i do.

journaling

i was consist with journaling everyday for about 2 months but i stopped in march and would def like to get back into it bc it helped me sm

[feel completely free to join in with me in this challenge and even add some things of your own! its totally customizable. I will be checking in on here periodically to tell you guys my progress as well as the things I've done to help me get to my goals]

xoxo

𝑒𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓀𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃💋

[mapsareforbraindeads]

a few thoughts about my rise of red rewrite because ideas keep hitting me. thoughts under the cut to spare the dash from my rambles ❤️

my favorite part of the original movie was the high school element, but that conflicts with the canon of the first three movies. so, this is just going to be my version. idc. i don’t like having conflicting things. “well vari why don’t you rewrite all of the movies then?” BECAUSE I LIKE THE ORIGINALS. i want to preserve them and just try to fix the movie as it was: same budget, same cast (just changing some roles up), same general plot, i’m just on the writers team and everyone listens to me because i’m the best. we’ll just change the lore and say that the disney legends went to school together or whatever it’s not that hard. that’s all i am changing about the other movies.

we’re adding back the homoerotic shit. red and chloe hold hands in a totally platonic way and call each other beautiful and give me the mevie energy i’ve been missing. as i mentioned in my red redesign notes, i aged maddox down so he can help keep wonderland in its usual disorder. him and red are explicitly friends and i think it would be cool if maddox was canon aroace maybe

maleficent is going to be the main villain, with hades tagging along because he has a little crush. i think they’re cute what can i say. however i don’t want them to actually date. i want them to still just be a fling like in D3 but i want to plant the seeds. they rule merlin (haha one of my names) academy and try to use the school as a sort of test run for world domination. they try brainwashing the students to make sure the heirs to the world’s kingdoms fall into despair and the world is theirs to take. or something idk. the other villains are there too but they’re just there for cameos.

ella is going to curse bridget, like WE ALL WANTED TO HAPPEN. it’s mainly maleficent’s doing because she sees bridget as the only beacon of hope remaining at the school and she wants her gone. so she manipulates ella (spells her) into cursing bridget with the cupcake. and we’re keeping the cupcake because disney can’t afford a higher budget prank. anyways the girls fix this by getting her grounded like in the original and letting fay sneak her out and protect her from the evil magic. because it’s cinderella and the fairy godmother come on

also about castlecoming! i think it should be a secret party that bridget’s hosting to lift people’s spirits, and that’s why she has to be brought down. now, you may be asking, “how do maleficent and hades know about the party?” people forget diablo exists. anyways he’s spying on them. maybe use morgie’s actor and give him this role instead, he’s a funny guy and this movie could use more of him. another question you might be thinking of! “why don’t they just crash the party normally?” because then bridget would just try again duh. they need to crush her spirits.

thanks for reading my rambles! hope this all seems better than the original and i am open for questions 🥰

[ceasarslegion]

My advice regarding tattoos or any kind of body mods:

-don't shirk the expense. It's a labour intensive job, so what you're paying for is the effort and time and attention to detail. It's going to be on your body forever, so you want to make sure you have the best you can get.

-if your pain tolerance is very low, reconsider any tattoos that are super big or in bony places. I'm not trying to yuck your yum, but I am saying that if you can't handle the pain of it for multiple hours over multiple settings then you should reconsider redesigning it to something you can handle. You can build up your pain tolerance over time, but never push yourself past your limit for it or you run the risk of associating a permanent mark on your body with physical trauma.

-don't get tattoos from your kinda sketchy friend who bought a tattoo gun and says they want to practice on you for free. They aren't a licensed artist and they don't know proper sanitation and health and safety procedures. That is an infection waiting to happen, not to mention it's probably gonna look like shit

-tip the artist. Budget a few hundred for them, they do an extremely hard job where one fuck up is permanently embedded into people. A good tip will be greatly appreciated and they'll be more than happy to welcome you back for any future work and put even more effort into you if you show yourself to be a good client who treats them well. A good rapport makes for better art.

-its gonna be uncomfortable. It just is, that can't be avoided. Think of it on the same level of pain as a cat scratch but spread out for a really long time, so it won't like, kill you or make you regret being born, but it will hurt. If you get it all done at once, it'll be easier but you'll be pushing your body more than if you take breaks and come back. Talk to your artist about how you want it done and let them know what your plans are. That way if you like, wanna take a break to get coffee and lunch across the street and come back they both know you didn't like, dine and dash and they'll know what to tell you to do to take care not to damage it during your breaks. If you're getting a multi session tattoo, expect it to be spread out over a long time, so it's not gonna look great the first few times. But letting it heal and recover a few times will be essential for the final product. Make sure you're willing to go through that before you decide on like, a giant dragon with spread wings across your entire back.

-just... don't get face tattoos man. You're not Post Malone who has famous public figure status, you're some guy who has to be able to get and hold down a job. Every other part of your body can be covered in professional settings and piercings can be taken out, but unless you wear a face covering of some kind, your face is always on display. This isn't a moral or a judgemental statement, it's just the reality of the world we live in. Face tattoos make your life a lot harder than it has to be and you just dont have to go through that. Before anyone pisses on the poor about this one, I am obviously not talking about cultural face tattoos like the ones the moari people have

-do not get tattoos on an impulse, especially not tattoos of media properties. I'm not telling you NOT to altogether, I actually plan on getting tattoos of the truman show and back to the future at some point because those films really shaped me as a person in ways others haven't. That's what you have to think about though: do you just really like it right now, or has this media shaped you in some way regardless of your current enjoyment of it? Because the last thing you want to do to yourself is permanently draw something into your body that in a few months you just don't care about or even dislike anymore.

-do not get tattoos to make you feel better when you're sad. See above, but with an added dollop of regret. Get them in a completely sober and level-headed state of mind so you can be objective about them and if they will bring you joy for the rest of your life, not in the moment as a response to something negative.

-LISTEN TO YOUR ARTIST WHEN THEY TELL YOU WHAT YOUR RECOVERY WILL LOOK LIKE!!! If you throw out everything else on this list but one thing make this the one thing you keep. If they say you can't put it in water, don't put it in water, they'll tell you how to bathe. If they tell you it can't be exposed to sunlight, do not expose it to sunlight. If they tell you you have to apply a certain skin disinfectant or something to it every day, I don't care if it stings, you have to apply it. If they tell you not to scratch it, suck it up if it gets itchy. You have a massive open wound on your skin that is a breeding ground for bacteria and viruses and dirt and filth and is incredibly sensitive to everything. You can do everything from ruin your tattoo to contracting flesh-eating bacteria from shirking your recovery process, the latter of which is not that uncommon, but almost always happens to people who don't listen. Do not fucking do that.

[theboywithburninghands]

So. I guess I kind of got into a flow, haven't I? Anyway, here's my first entirely Buttonblossom story, but it's... unconventional, I guess you might call it? It's another horror piece, but less hopeless than the last one. Although I'll still include trigger warnings for anyone that's squeamish. I... admit I mostly wrote this because of @red-balloon12 rightfully pointing out that I haven't had enough Ragatha in my Bunnyjesterdoll stories. But also because I wanted to have something specific happen. Anyway, enough preamble. Here story

The Dollhouse Part 1: Legs

T/W: Horror, chilopodophobia, gore against a giant bug

Another day, another adventure. Caine told the performers that he had worked hard on this one, which was usually a sign things were going to be unpleasant. Everyone hoped for shorter adventures so they could spend the rest of the day relaxing or… well, doing anything but adventuring, really. If Caine had put extra effort into an adventure, that was usually code for “it was going to take all day.” Sure enough, this one was a doozy.

Caine created a sprawling funhouse for the group to explore. The kind of funhouse that was usually maintained by a traveling carnival, full of rubber bats, cheap animatronic monsters that lurched from dark corners, a few rudimentary puzzles to solve, and an overuse of fog machines. Of course, this was The Amazing Digital Circus, so things like “budget” or “OSHA compliance” weren’t an issue. The first thing that happened upon the six performers stepping into Crazy Caine’s House of Tricks (the ringmaster insisted they call it by its full name) was the door slamming shut behind them, leaving them in complete darkness. 

Ragatha: Everyone okay? The others gave short affirmations. A loudspeaker steadily crackled to life. 

Ominous Voice: *in a thick Hungarian accent* Welcome… Welcome to Crazy Caine’s House of Tricks. I am your host for this little excursion. 

Zooble: Our “ghost host?” 

Gangle: *giggles*

Host: Ahh, you are a clever one, my asymmetrical friend. Keep that wit about you as you venture inside. If you would all be so kind, please, stand upon the illuminated circle with the first letter of your name. 

Six circles of light, in even lines of three, lit up on the floor. Red, blue, pink, yellow, purple and white, each with a black letter in the center. 

Jax: Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna do that. 

Host: Oh, but you shall. Or else, Crazy Caine’s House of Tricks will keep your spirit trapped within its walls for eternity…

Jax: We’re already here for eternity, bub. Also, that is a terrible Lugosi voice. It’s not even a dime store imitation, it’s like the hobo outside the dime store. 

Pomni covered her mouth to keep from laughing out loud, trying to pass her outburst off as a stifled sneeze. 

Host: If you will not acquiesce, let me show you a little trick I can do. Ka-ZAM.

The purple circle of light blinked from its position amongst the others and appeared directly under Jax’s feet. The rabbit looked down at the light and applauded blandly.

Jax: Wooow, I’m straight up mystified. You can make a light move- I’m sure nobody has ever- 

The circle of light under Jax slid open vertically, revealing a hole beneath it. True to cartoon logic, Jax stood on thin air for a moment, his grin fading as he looked down at what he was about to fall into. 

Jax: …Okay.

He dropped out of sight with a whoosh.

Pomni: Jax! The other circles of light blinked from their original positions and reappeared underneath its corresponding performer, each one opening up and dropping them into a trapdoor. 

Gangle: Eep-! Zooble: S#?%-!

Kinger: *makes a noise not dissimilar to the Wilhelm scream*

Pomni: ACK-! 

Ragatha: Oh nOOO-!

The trapdoors slid shut. Host: Do tread carefully, my esteemed guests. You never know what might be behind the next corner… in Crazy Caine’s House of Tricks.

The host gives an ominous cackle before the intercom abruptly cuts off. 

—

Ragatha rocketed down a tube slide, her boneless legs flopping over her shoulders. 

Ragatha: -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- OOF! 

She crash landed into a pit full of multi-colored plastic balls, about a dozen of them flying through the air and bouncing away with rapid, hollow tapping sounds. Ragatha, practically upside down, pushed her legs off her shoulders and her dress off her face. It had flopped over her head when she landed in the ballpit. 

Ragatha: Graceful, Ragatha, truly graceful…

The doll woman waded through the waist-deep pit of plastic balls, trying to keep her mind off all the horror stories she remembered about the nasty things found in ball pits… dirty diapers, used needles… 

She grunted with effort, pulling herself up and out of the ballpit, straightening out her dress and sighing. 

Ragatha: Hello? Guys? …Marco! She got no reply and decided to check herself out, making sure she didn’t rip anything. She did feel an unpleasant itch on her left leg, so she might have popped a stitch… The itch… moved. Something was on her leg. Something-

with too many legs centipedeCENTIPEDECENTIPEDEOHGODCENTIPEDE-

Ragatha shrieked and frantically slapped at her leg, smacking the wretched little arthropod off of her. It flew onto the floor on its back, all of its horrible, spiky little legs flailing about to try and right itself. Before it could, Ragatha brought her foot down on the creature with a wet and juicy crunch. She hopped from foot to foot and flailed her arms about, patting down her entire body and shaking her dress just in case any more of the horrid things had gotten onto her. Her search came up empty, and she put her hands on her knees and panted. She then shot up and shook her fist at the ceiling.

Ragatha: F#$% YOU CAINE! 

She normally didn’t like cursing, but no one was around and the situation warranted a little profanity. She was going to be slapping at every itch she felt for the rest of the day… how could Caine stoop so low?! 

She looked at the crushed centipede on the floor. She felt a pang of guilt for killing it, but… it shouldn’t have been on her leg. 

She shuddered once again and double checked her dress and hair before walking to the nearby door. 

Ragatha: Onward and upward…  She opened the door hesitantly, and was admittedly a bit relieved by what she saw. It was a parlor, it looked like it could have fit right in at a castle or old fashioned mansion. Yellowish bricks made up the walls, and a roaring fireplace sat in front of a pair of some plush red armchairs. A small table sat between the chairs, a few statues made of different kinds of stone arranged neatly on top of it. The Persian carpet was a slightly different shade of red with gold trim, and a large coat of arms sat above the fireplace. It was a shield emblazoned in front of a gold fleur de lis, one side red and one side blue, the red side reading C and the blue side reading A, both letters silver. 

Ragatha: Oh wow. This is so… bougie. 

She smiled and went over to the fire, warming her hands on it. The architecture and atmosphere reminded her of a safe room from Resident Evil. She wanted to sit and rest a moment, but she knew better than to dawdle in a funhouse. 

On the opposite wall, she saw an old fashioned, heavy wooden door painted, what else, red. It lacked a doorknob, only having a single indentation in the center of the door, with a few words inscribed over it. On either side of the door stood two suits of armor, each about seven feet tall and clutching a pretty crude weapon. Nothing but a heavy, spiked metal ball on a stick. Some sort of mace. What were they called? It was something oddly elegant… She had no idea what time period the suits of  armor came from, but they looked ponderous to wear.

Ragatha approached the door and read the words written above the indentation.

Ragatha: “My marble walls as white as milk,

My insides just as soft as silk,

No doors inside, but within here, 

A golden treasure will appear.

But beware, for if you’re wrong, 

They will catch you before long.”

Ragatha put a hand on her chin. A riddle. She wasn’t the best with these. She was better with questions that had multiple right answers, philosophy and the like. The past was blurry, but she did remember struggling a lot with math and word problems. 

She wished Pomni was here. She was surprisingly great with math and logic questions. She also just… generally wished Pomni was around. Even if she was a nervous and cynical wreck most of the time, she was starting to come out of her shell. She had a really sweet little laugh and was the perfect size to pick up… plus she could ground the group whenever they started squabbling. Mostly because she had the guts to just tell somebody to shut their stupid mouth. She was a nervous wreck, but she never pretended not to be, and that honesty was super refreshing. 

It was only a few nights ago that Ragatha got to share a bed with Pomni for the first time. Pomni had warned her earlier that she might need some time to get used to cuddling, and Ragatha promised she would take her time. Almost immediately after Ragatha got under the covers, she felt Pomni’s arms around her midsection, and it wasn’t long until she had the jester snuggled up against her. Poor little thing was so touch-starved…

“I’m sorry if you get uncomfortable, we can stop if you need…” Pomni murmured into Ragatha’s chest. 

“Pomni, don’t worry… What good is a doll if you can’t touch it? Or cuddle it? Or love it?” Ragatha replied, petting down her hair and kissing her on the forehead. 

The look of pure contentment that washed over Pomni’s face just about made Ragatha’s heart melt. It had been a loooong time since she had made someone that happy, and sister, it felt good. 

She shook herself out of her lovesick haze and focused on the situation at hand. Okay, think Ragatha. Something white and soft with a treasure inside… Ragatha: Ugh, I should have paid more attention to those Haunted Tomb riddles in Spyro 3…

Well, when you got stuck behind a locked door, you looked for a key. Time to look around. She looked under the chairs and beneath the cushions, only turning up flecks of lint. She stared into the fireplace, making sure there was nothing behind the fire. Not that she would go sticking her hand into a lit fireplace, but it wouldn’t be the weirdest place she had found a key in this place. Only finding ash, she got to her feet and put a hand on her hip. This room wasn’t that big… Maybe it was back in the ball pit room? 

Ragatha: *to herself# I am NOT going back there. 

She wasn’t gonna waste her time digging through a ballpit and put herself at risk of running into more centipedes. So here she would stay. 

Ragatha examined the statues on the table. It was some kind of abstract art, vaguely humanlike figures that all straddled different 3D shapes, one on a sphere, another wrapped about a pyramid, another clutching an egg... This looked promising. 

Her eye and button fell onto one statue, a four-legged pewter creature with a smooth, featureless face, seated on top of a white cube. She picked the statue up, and the humanoid sculpture wobbled. It wasn’t attached all that well. After a little bit of jimmying, the statue came off, leaving only the cube in her hand. She set the statue back down on the table and tossed the cube from hand to hand. It was slightly soft and something rattled around inside. 

Ragatha: Bingo! 

She brought the cube over to the door, sliding it into the indent on the door. She took a few steps back and waited, her hands behind her back. 

At first, nothing happened. Then there was a gradual creak of rusty metal. Rust sprinkled down off of one of the suits of armor as it turned its empty head towards her. 

Ragatha: Uhh…

There was a loud crack as the suit of armor pulled its foot off the pedestal it stood on, a good chunk of yellow brick remained stuck to the bottom of his foot as it yanked its other foot off the pedestal. It stepped down off the pedestal, raising its weapon over its head.

Ragatha: Oh NO-! 

The ragdoll woman dove out of the way as it brought down the mace where she had been standing, smashing a decent sized hole in the brickwork. It turned its empty visor to look at her, pulling its enormous mace out of the floor with the same effort that someone might pick up a bowling ball. 

Ragatha: Hey, hey, easy..! I got the answer wrong! I’m sorry, will you let me try again?!- 

The suit of armor wound up for another go, Ragatha ducking behind one of the chairs as it swung. The mace smashed into the chair, shattering the back of it into splinters and bits of old, moth-eaten stuffing. 

Ragatha looked around for anything she could use as a weapon, and her eyes fell on the rug they were both standing on. Well, if this place worked like a cartoon, then maybe… 

She hurried to one end of the rug, the suit of armor lumbering after her with its mace raised. Ragatha shoved the chair and the table with statues on it off of the rug and picked up the edge of it, gulping. 

Ragatha: God I hope this works- HRNGH! 

She yanked the rug with all her might, the suit of armor stumbling backwards at the sudden shift beneath its heavy feet. It swung its arms for balance before landing with a teeth-chattering crash on its back. It struggled to stand back up, but it was simply too heavy to right itself, flailing its arms impotently. 

Ragatha: HA! I betcha wish you were dressed a little lighter now, don’t you?! 

Ragatha made her way over to the statues that had fallen on the floor and began to take the pieces that could be used on the door. But she was interrupted by a loud and decidedly wet smashing noise from the fallen suit of armor.

Ragatha screamed and scrambled backwards. From out of the suit of armor’s visor emerged an enormous centipede, as long and thick as a pool noodle. It flailed about like a live wire, eventually slowing down to turn its head to look at the terrified doll. Beady, unintelligent clusters of shoe-button eyes looked her over as its antennae writhed about, before it lunged for her. 

Ragatha: GET AWAY FROM ME!

Ragatha managed a pretty strong kick, knocking the enormous arthropod off course before it could drive its pincers into her leg. It let out a nauseating bubbly hiss before thrashing about a bit more, trying to free itself from the suit of armor. It eventually succeeded in yanking itself out of the visor and scuttled towards Ragatha. 

Ragatha: only manages a terrified whine, pressing herself against the wall

The giant centipede reared back like a snake about to strike, opening its pincers to drive them right into Ragatha’s face… but the blow never came. 

There was instead a crunch and a squish as a small hatchet was buried into the side of the creature’s face. Greenish yellow blood oozed out of it, and the centipede appeared to be in shock that part of its head was now cleaved apart. The hand holding the hatchet yanked the blade out of the creature’s carapace, the centipede turning to look for its attacker before the hatchet smashed into its face again, this time neatly splitting its head into two parts that were barely held together by vile sinew. 

Pomni: Ragatha, don’t look. 

Pomni pulled out the hatchet and motioned for Ragatha to turn around before chopping at the creature’s body. Ragatha did as she was asked and looked at the wall, hearing Pomni’s grunts of effort and the nasty crunch and squelch of the hatchet meeting arthropod flesh. After about a dozen good chops, Pomni sighed and plopped on the floor. The centipede was dead, cut into pieces, although many of its legs still twitched.

Pomni: Oh God, it smells f#%&$ng awful… *she covers where her nose would be* Ragatha, are you okay..? 

Ragatha refused to turn around, Pomni getting up with tremendous effort and walking over to the doll woman

Pomni: I… got that thing, Ragatha, it’s over. 

Ragatha looked at Pomni, her eye filled with tears of fright. The jester managed a weak smile.

Pomni: I… I guess we’re finally even, right? I saved you- EEP!

Ragatha pulled Pomni into a huge hug, still trembling. Pomni jumped a bit at the sudden action, but she hugged her right back, dropping the hatchet so she could squeeze the ragdoll as hard as she could. 

Pomni: I’m sorry that happened… I know you’re not okay, but-

Ragatha: How did you get in here..? You… We all fell through those trapdoors… 

Pomni: I climbed back up the slide and pried the doors open, there was a ball pit with a snake in it and I wasn't even going to entertain the idea of going through that again… I found that hatchet stuck in a statue’s head up there, and I… well, I just started chopping at the floor before that stupid intercom opened your trapdoor for me. I heard you screaming, and- mmf!

Ragatha pressed her lips to Pomni’s. The jester seriously jumped this time, expecting the circumstances of her first kiss on the lips with Ragatha to be… well, more romantic. And not next to a giant arthropod carcass. Still, her lips were warm and soft, so she savored the feeling while it lasted. 

Ragatha: *breaking the kiss* Thank you so much for saving me… I owe you so much more than a kiss for that, but-

Pomni: We-We’ll worry about it later. You're welcome though. Let’s get out of here. 

Ragatha: The… door is locked by a puzzle. I was trying to solve it when that monster sprung out at me…

Pomni went over to the door and read the riddle, snapping her fingers. 

Pomni: Oh, I’ve heard this one. It’s an egg. 

Ragatha, doing her very best to ignore the giant dead centipede, picked up the egg that had fallen off the statue, inserting it into the indent on the door. There was a click, and the door slid open, revealing darkness beyond the threshold. Pomni walked up beside her with the hatchet in her hand. 

Pomni: Well… whatever horrible thing comes next… gripping Ragatha’s hand We’ll… face it together, right?

Ragatha: *she looks down, and, despite her fear, manages her usual glowing smile* Right.

The two of them entered the door, hand in hand. 

[scarabjewels]

The Greatest Film Adaptation of The Odyssey by Homer is The Odyssey (1997)

I Will Not Accept Any Other, Seriously.

One of the best memories I have with watching movies is me and my dad watching this movie over and over. Actually, I watched it a lot, and he was loving enough to be there. Other than that, it was one of my best introductions to the lore of ancient mythologies and ancient classical literature. I have no idea if I had said this in one of my essays, but I am very much in love with classical stories , I mean ANCIENT. That's also why I still dream of playing the God of War series, even when I can not play Mobile Legends to save my life.

Now, this movie is perfection to me. I had just watched it again because of a subject in my college course, also because the song "Suffering" of Epic: The Musical had been blasting in playlist. I really love this movie for a good amount of reasons that I will be listing down below.

To those who love ancient mythology stories, I encourage you to watch this version of The Odyssey of Homer.

For these reasons:

The Authentic Feel

I think a lot of us were cringing at the fact how blockbuster heavy the "Gods of Egypts" was. I know I was. I don't even remember the plot, I just remember how cgi just dominated that movie. Just animate it, it would have probably been more watchable without that kind of visual assault. It's way too jarring.

High budget was this TV miniseries and they made it WORTHWHILE.

With the 1997 teleplay "The Odyssey," it felt so authentic. Just starting with introducing culture, I have no idea if it was truly authentic to real life, but IT FELT LIKE IT. The soldiers chanting before going to war, Odysseus' maid's way of praying, the clothes looking worn out, the custom of having music played, and Penelope making olive oil or wine(?). It feels like an actual culture being introduced to us. No one explains anything. They just show it like a way of life.

That is how a lot of blockbuster movies differentiate from indie films or television movies. Blockbuster relies on explaining things to you and uses visuals and sounds to give impact to stimulate you to watch it more. Why do you think it's always in theatres? Why drama is more dramatic or action is more action in those kinds of movies. In teleplays, they don't have that kind of budget, so a lot of the times they rely on what they have, which is what I think they did in The Odyssey.

Remember, this is a made for tv miniseries. Despite its high budget ($32 million), they really had to make this worthwhile for whatever they had and whatever they could do. In the making of the Odyssey, I learned that they had a sort of time quota and TONS OF CREW AND CAST. Those people had to fly places with so many people. A lot were literally sick, and they were working over time. I truly think they made something so good out of it. Props to the whole cast and crew for working that hard.

The buildings, shacks, and other structures look like actual ancient things because they probably were, or they were made to look like it. The ships were my favorite, it was small yes, I understand that it would have been bigger and even more ships to really fit the tale and history, but again, they were on a budget that went to special effects, flights (the crew plus cast was 100+) and it was 1997, the technology available to them were probably limited. Also they built that boat, no way are they going to build such a grandiose army boat when people built those for who knows how long JUST BACK IN THE DAY. No way.

The Odyssey just looks so very authentic. It felt wondrous and also quaint. The Cyclops was believable, as well as his home. I applaud the work they did with special effects, practical and cgi. Most worked well, but some lacked, yet I still love it.

Also, is the beggar look of Odysseus? I am so glad they really made him look like an actual old man, with prosthetics and matching worn-out clothes. Beautiful attention to detail and trying so hard to really make it look authentic as possible.

The FABRIC. Excuse me, the linens, the ship's sail was weaved FOR SURE (and they had to tear it for the later scenes, I can just imagine how hurt the props department would have felt), honestly the weaved tapestries were bomb (this is how authenticity really hit home for me, actual crafting like how people did before), by the way if you are wondering why I am praising this specific thing, that's because these natural fabrics are EXPENSIVE, hand crafted stuff like these are HARD WORK AND SUPER EXPENSIVE (for good reason), and outsourcing these for a movie? The industry that doesn't give crap about nuances like these unless they were actually creative and served a purpose? Konchalovsky and his team did that.

The Cast was RIGHT (MOST, including the side characters and background actors too)

The cast was WELL DIVERSE. Now, here is the thing that I need everyone to know about diversity. It's not just casting people of different race and color, also ETHNICITY. That cast was a mix of American, Italian, Greek, and English.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, and I will explain.

Why was Vanessa Williams the only black person to be casted there? Because of a number of reasons, I will not be tackling today, but I do know that the Goddess Calypso was suppose to look ageless, and it is a noticeable trait in melanin rich skin colored people, (not everyone, I know that because in any race, not everyone ages gracefully, I am Filipino, rumored to look young, I have been told I look mature for my ages, been told I look 27 and I am fucking 22 so yeah). She had the right look for an adaptation of Calypso, a sea goddess in an island. Casting a person who looks ageless and has the aura of royalty and ancientness, you are going to cast anyone who had that perfect look, no matter the RACE.

Just look at the casting for Circe: Bernadette Peters, AMERICAN. Why was she casted as Circe? Probably because they were looking for a seductive feel who looks ageless. Bernadette looks ageless, fine lines and all.

Armand Assante? You kidding me? He looks like he was meant to be casted as any ancient royalty, and Odysseus was just so perfect for him. The King of Ithaca, the witty trickster. That's basically describing Armand.

And my favorite casting of this movie (irregardless of race, I just hate that people nit pick with that kind of thing, especially with older movies), Isabella Rosellini as Athena. I was so in love with her as a kid, SHE LOOKS LIKE WHAT IMAGINE ATHENA WOULD. Vanessa Williams as Calypso blew me away in the movie yes, and so did Isabella. Her accent (she's Italian), her EYES, her wise aura. She is GODDESS, PERIODT.

Now, let met also praise the side and background characters, the kings and their beards. Those beards are perfect, and I want to say, I was introduced to the appeal of good beards in this movie. They look what you would expect people of that time would, and with a beard like that, they better BE KINGS. Those beards were groomed to perfection. The maid of Anticlea (the mother of Odysseus) and Anticlea herself (the actress is Greek) unknowingly carried the authenticity of this film, as well as the soldiers, the other maids, the citizens and even the shepherd who raised Thelemachus in Odysseus' absence played a role in that too. They made me feel Ithaca was a beautiful kingdom rich with culture. Oh how can I forget the casting of Penelope, Greta Scacchi. That woman played Penelope well, a wife missing her husband, a queen who also participates in the daily life of making olive oil or wine, a wonderful and sensitive mother and daughter in law, I understood how Odysseus would long for her in his 10 year journey.

The acting was TOP TIER for me, Armand especially. He blew me away with every scene. My favourite was when he got home. He sat down, slowly sobbed and took in the reality that he was finally in Ithaca as he ate the cheese and wine of his home, his kingdom. You just knew how grateful and just how homesick he was, that he wasnt just missing Penelope and his son, it was his HOME as a WHOLE. Another favourite was when he and Penelope reunite, but him as a beggar. He gawked at her, his eyes just screaming "I love you". He loves her so much, even after Circe and Calypso who are literal goddesses (haha no I do not condone cheating either, this is a story after all and well, he is a man lost at sea for years), she was the only one he could think about and the only one who could take his breathe away.

I Appreciate The Comical Errors and Comedy

Unpopular opinion, I love the funny parts of the movies. Look, mythological or even just epic stories aren't always that serious, okay? The reason why these stories exist because they do have a seriousness to them, but it also included light hearted moments. Shakespeare made Romeo and Juliet a tragic drama, and the comical thing in it was the love of Romeo and Juliet, how absurd and crazy it was that it led to killings exiles. The Epic of Gilgamesh is, in fact, a serious epic, but the ending was comical, as Gilgamesh's pursuit of immortality failed after a long and gruelling journey. In the making of the Odyssey video, Isabella comments how the tale is serious but also comical. The Odyssey achieved that, where at times it can be serious and times just comical.

That's where a lot of mythological adaptations just fail imo. It takes itself way too seriously, of course, that still depends on what the story is too. This is the Odyssey after all, where it was meant to have a lot of comical errors as well as seriousness. If this was the Illiad , adapted in full, it might work JUST on the comedic stuff and not the seriousness of it.

Directors and writers have to remember that these stories are also introducing more than just a story, it's also introducing another society, with a culture, a way of living and that it has jokes too. The God of War Ragnarok succeeded in that and it's a video game. Details people, details.

The Usage of the Shots (The closer shots,the Zooms and the wide ones)

TV movies and dramas can really suck with their use of shots, particularly how close and how far it is. I like how close the shots were here, actually. Yes, I have seen TV shows and movies where they either get too "creative" or are just not trying at all. They use wide shots for specific ones, like the scenes at sea. Closer shots made it feel like I was there, like a ghost just watching what was happening.

The Tale Was Cut But Was Done Justice

I know creative freedom is done here a lot, cutting the tale shorter like leaving out some of important stories and connecting it differently, it's there. It's pretty okay by me, it's an ADAPTATION after all. The essence was much more important and they did that very well.

I especially appreciate that even when they did cut spme of the stories, they made an effort to connect loose ends so that it would still look like a full tale. Adaptations are supposed to be like that.

Conclusion: Watch it.

What makes a hero's journey isn't all glory. It deals with sacrifice, hindrance, learning, wisdom, and cruelty. It took Odysseus 20 years to go home, with the journey of losing men at war, at sea, challenges by goddesses, gods, errors, choices, beings and the challenges of his own ego and humanity. This Hallmark made for tv miniseries gave me that essence of an actual epic. It was sad, happy, comedic, complicated, and worthwhile.

Yes, I love this movie so much but this post is meant to introduce another post I am going to make in the future, which is an in depth review of the original Odyssey tale.

Also because I would also love to introduce many more beautiful, forgotten films that are worth watching.

This movie miniseries is made for TV, got an award at the Emmy's. Yet, suprisingly, it is underrated.

I think you can tell just from my previous essays that I like underrated or cult following movies, whether it be popular or not. Now, I will be continuing that, along with more stuff I really am interested in, like mythological stories, video games (I still don't play those), therapy, musicals and more.

Do watch the movie if you are interested, it is available in YouTube and Archive.org, it has two parts.

[adarkrainbow]

By the way, speaking of the erasure of actors with dwarfism... Right after I have been hit by this Time Bandits mess, I have just watched the trailer for the live-action Disney's Snow-White. And... honestly all of the problems talked about and issues raised before seem truly non-significant compared to what I actually got out of this trailer. Which I think is the real problem with this movie.

The feeling of... unecessary. I watched the trailer, and I was left with nothing out of it, except a neutral "Why would they make that?" coupled with a tired "Why would I watch it?" Because there was nothing in this trailer that encouraged the audience or gave the audience the desire to go watch it if they already knew the original movie.

Here's my point: when the whole Disney live-action movies trend started (I am going to say "live-action remakes" to differentiate it from older live-action movies like the excellent 101 Dalmatians live-action movie), it worked with an immense success. Why? Because these movies had something to them. Yes they reused classic movies and stuck to them... but in their own, unique way and they didn't hesitate to change things up, to differentiate themselves from it. The most obvious being the Maleficent movie, which was a literal "perspective flip" with a ton of new stuff (moral reversal, backstory given to a villain, anti-villain situation, etc) ; but even the Cinderella live-action "remake" worked hard on having its own style, not hesitating to change the design of some key characters (Lady Tremaine would be my main example). Thus, they worked extremely well. Whether you like them or not, you can't deny they're their own thing and stand up on their own.

Cut to today. I am going to use mainly Disney's remakes of The Little Mermaid and Snow-White (though I could also use stuff like Aladdin or other movies). What's the difference? These movies are remake. Absolute remakes trying to stick as closest to the original as possible: same story, same shots, same designs. They are basically... transpositions. Sure there are some changes (in The Little Mermaid, making Ariel a different skin color and having a whole Caribean style) but they still feel very minor compared to all the efforts made to stick to the original animated piece. Compare the Lady Tremaine case above with Ursula or the Evil Queen in those live-action movies - there isn't an effort to reinvent the character to better fit a live-action universe or a different style of story. They are both created as an attempt to reproduce the original cartoon design as faithfully as possible. And this is what I mean by how "unecessary" these movies are feeling right now. They are literaly just retelling the same story, with minor changes. It feels like so much money and effort and special effects and acting is being thrown away at just... a repetition o what we already have instead of creating anything new.

It's not like Disney run out of fairytales to work with! Imagine that, we could have had a whole new range of live-action fairytale movies! But not it is just... recreating the exact same shots, over and over (I was particularly puzzled by how they worked so hard to recreate the shot of the Evil Queen going down the stairs while having her cape float behind her. You put a lot of effort to recreate this old animated shot, okay... But what's the point? Why would I pay to watch this same shot in live-action when I already did tons of time animated?)

In fact this is why these live-action remakes are bound to feel inferior to the original animated pieces - precisely BECAUSE they are trying to recreate and stick to the original... while being limited by budget and real-life physics and visuals, meaning they will have to tweak it slightly in unsatisfying way. If they had decided to go with their own style and stuff it wouldn't have been a problem (again, Disney's Cinderella live-action, the two Lady Tremaines feel like different characters and thus it is easier to separate these things and look at each on their own).

(It also doesn't help that Disney has been working a LOT of doing live-action versions of their own characters before, from Once Upon a Time to Descendants, so again... trying to recreate exactly things is just bound to cause unpleasant comparisons).

[crusherthedoctor]

It's really sad how people keep going after your group just because you defend yourselves

Apparently, the statements "I'm generally content with the quality of my personal stories" and "I spot many issues with this comic" justify getting spammed with graphic death threats and ableist insults

Yet it's insisted that you're the ones who are too harsh? It's straight up unfair.

Who would have thought that a group of people might occasionally get upset after being crucified and ridiculed by countless strangers?

Funny how they NEVER have a justification beyond "well shut up no one wants to hear you"

Somehow, it's always YOUR fault that a part of the fandom goes rabid whenever someone doesn't conform to the current "right" opinion, and YOU'RE to blame for THEIR ungodly behavior. That doesn't make any sense, does it?

This fandom is vain and abhorrent to the nth degree and y'all deserve better. That's all I wanted to say.

Par for the course, innit. They'll lash out at us. They'll hand out death threats. They'll make disgusting ableist comments about my autism, and similarly terrible comments towards my friends. They'll threaten to bomb SEGA HQ and stick Iizuka's head on a pike, among other wild declarations of violence. But don't you dare make a goofy meme about Surge not living up to her hype. And whatever you do, don't even think about criticising the unprofessional antics of the IDW crew. What are you, a monster?

They dismiss us as insignificant one minute, then fearmonger so hard that they see fit to give us a boogeyman-esque moniker the next. I'd be surprised if they could walk in a straight line without contradicting themselves.

As for "You talk so much about your fics!" ...No shit. I'm a guy with a blog. This isn't a movie production with a budget, I don't have a team or advertisements backing me up. And unlike fanartists, I don't have my own art to catch people's attention. I kind of have to talk about my writing in order to get it out there and inform people of its existence, and while I try not to sound too much like an unskippable YouTube ad, what else am I supposed to do? Upload them silently and then never refer to them again? How is showing passion for my work any different from official creators showing passion for theirs? Just because fanfic tends to get less attention on here than fanart doesn't mean it's not worth sharing, do they want fandom to flourish or not?

When I compare my work to a certain comic, I do it to highlight the dissonance. If fanfic writers - plural, not just myself - can understand the importance of keeping the characters recognizable, and making the universe faithful despite any necessary differences, then what excuse do official writers who have been involved with the series for over a decade have? If someone who doesn't even love Sonic that much compared to other characters, finds him annoying and unfunny half the time (no, not just in the Pontaff games, in general), and even finds it a pain in the ass to write for him at times and has more fun writing other characters because of this, can still attempt to write what made him appeal to fans... why do writers who supposedly love him so much keep fumbling so hard with him?

I compare for the sake of highlighting why these off-kilter portrayals are so easy to spot. If Sonic Twitter only gets "He's just stroking his own dick" from all of that, then they haven't been paying attention.

The most ironic thing about it all is that they've only gotten more vitriolic as most of us have mostly moved on from the height of IDW discourse (cause the comic goes in circles at this point, and is very likely to be running on fumes due to IDW's financial troubles, so there's no point). Yeah, I'll still criticise it now and then, and make a meme on occasion, but I rarely make lengthy ted talks about it or participate in ongoing Lanolin Is A Bitch/Silver Is Uwu-ified/Whisper Is Trauma Bait/etc back and forths anymore, because it's just tiring now. And since most current Sonic stuff has been putting me off in general, combined with growing fatigue and frustration at not being able to criticise certain games without people waving the finger at me (especially SA2, since the Year of Shadow has made it the center of attention yet again...), I've took a step back from intense Sonic discussion to focus on Stellar, as well as other fandom projects, like my recent brainstorming for Paper Mario or: How I Learned To Insert Eggman and Love The Vivian™.

In no way can you say I've been up in their faces as of recent. Yet they continue to cry otherwise, because they want people like me gone completely.

[ragingbullmode]

I'm a baby goth who really wants to get better at makeup and more specifically eyeliner similar to what you do. Do you have any products or tips you reccomend for getting started? I try to look up advice online but it's overwhelming and it's kinda embarrassing to ask for advice irl.. ty in advance if you decide to answer this.

hi !! idk how good my advice will be but ill do my best to answer as well as i can !

as a heads up i freehand everything but i have seen people use the tape method to keep their liner/eyeshadow straight (which is just putting a piece of scotchtape on the side of ur eye where u plan to have a straight area of liner)

i found using water activated liner helped me a Lot when i started doing more graphic looks at the end of last year (since its water activated u can easily just wipe it off with a makeup wipe or wet tissue) but there is a difference in feel when applying it compared to using a liner pen (to me at least) ie the brush length makes it easier for me to do the smaller details as it gives me more control, but once i got a good feel for doing stuff like that it made using the pen easier. water activated is also much better if u plan on more colorful looks; liner pens do come in colors but they dont pop as well or as bright as the water liners.

as for making ur liner symmetrical… not sure how to give the best advice for that 🤔 the way i do it is ill line out one eye with the outline of what i want to do & try to match the other eye best i can. i have shakey hands but ive found planting my elbow on my desk table & my lining hand on my cheek really helps to stabilize myself so my lines come out straight. to straighten out my lines (like if i made one side to thick) ill just wipe a smidge of it with a wet cotton pad with water liners, but when i use a liner thats waterproof i use micellar water or a make up wipe to fix it.

as for my lids i use a mehron skin prep toner (its the only product ive found that works for my Very oily lids, but its definitely not for everyone… stings like SHIT if its in ur eye especially since i am… not supposed to use it for what i have been 😬. adding that bc if i do t use it sometimes the oil will denature the liner & smear it all over my lids lol. on top of that i put foundation & whatever eyeshadow i want on top of that when the foundation is dry enough it wont smear. putting liner over whatever u layered on ur lids is a commitment & a little hard to fix if u want to put the liner on in 1 go which is why i recommend practice & playing around !!

dont be scared about it not looking nice at that start, just start with something simple to get that feel for it so u can work up to what u want 👍

as for products, i got my water inks from bymelolops (latina owned, based in puerto rico !) i bought this liner brush (and a few water inks as well) from gavissi. my eyeshadow is mostly sugarpill (i only buy when its on sale, its a little pricey but worth it) but if ur on more of a budget colourpop has good options. as for liner pens, ive been using the last of my nyx liner, but am looking for a good alternative (loreal supports isr*el) so im unfortunately not much help here as im Also on the look out 😮‍💨

i definitely suggest getting some cheap stuff to play around with !! many places like sephora & ulta also sell small sample sizes of liners so u can get one of those to try out before u commit to something. a lot of what i started with years ago came from the dollar store bc that was all i could afford at the time lolll

[opinions-about-tiaras]

Hoo boy. So the first look trailer for Wicked is out and... well, I'm concerned. Thoughts below the cut.

Let me add my voice to what everyone else is saying first and get that out of the way; it looks awful. Visually, I mean. "CGI sludge" is an apt description. I get that they're trying to evoke the feeling of the Judy Garland Wizard of Oz but yikes, it looks terrible. Just a riot of color that evokes nothing and feels flat. The wonder and majesty of Oz this ain't. Even the costumes look cheap and ill-considered.

And look, I get it. This is a movie adaptation, of a stage adaptation, of a book that's basically Wizard of Oz AU fanfiction. They're going to do their own think. But Wicked (The Musical) already sanded off so many of the rough edges of Wicked (The Book) and it looks like this thing is gonna continue in that vein.

But at a certain point when you pour enough water into your wine, you're just drinking water, and it really feels like we've passed that point.

This is an enormously big-budget musical that seems almost ashamed its a musical; you wouldn't know this is musical theater from the trailer, at any rate. That's not a great sign. Neither is the fact that they appear to be doing some sort of "Elphaba's magical power is driven by her being overly emotional and out of control," which is a questionable choice to make when you've cast a black woman in the role.

Actually, let's talk about casting.

Your leads are WAY TOO FUCKING OLD. I know that doesn't make a difference in a stage production. This is not a stage production. Ariana Grande is 30; Cynthia Erivo is thirty-seven. These people are not college freshmen, and expecting us to believe they are is insulting.

Yes, I'm also aware there's a long tradition of expecting us to believe people in their mid-twenties are high school students. There are limits and this pushes past them. The costuming and makeup departments are working hard, but the amount of makeup they're having to cake on Grande and Erivo in order to make them look like fresh-faced youngsters is extremely off-putting. We're not sitting a hundred feet away in a theater, the camera is doing close-ups a lot. Black Elphaba is an excellent choice, but you could have found a much, much younger actress for it.

They also made some... weird choices for diversification of the cast. Not in a "it is historically inaccurate for these people not to be white" kind of a way, but in a "you're sort of undercutting your own themes" kind of a way.

Wicked (The Book) is very explicitly about white supremacy, imperialism, and class. So is every other book in the Wicked Years, when they aren't also about gender fuckery. The musical cuts a lot of that away, but its still there. The Gillikinese (Glinda the Goods specific ethnic group in the context of Oz) are an explicit expression of this. They're economically, culturally, industrially, and socially dominant, and virulently racist against all of Oz's other ethnic groups (the Munchkins, the Animals, the Quadlings, the "Winkies") for whom they have a charming variety of racial slurs and race legislation towards.

Casting a white British person as Fiyero Tigelaar is absurd in this context. Fiyero's whole deal is that he's from a racially disfavored group and is treated pretty shitty because of it! Yes, I am AWARE the role on-state was originated by a white dude. This ain't the play.

Similarly, casting someone who isn't so white they practically glow in the dark as Madame Morrible is kind of a misstep. Madame Morrible is the enforcer of the Wizard's race policy.

And so I have to question... what the hell are they padding this out with?

The stage play is two hours and 45 minutes long. That would translate to the screen fairly handily, on the long side but about where you'd expect a big epic to be these days.

Only they're doing this as TWO movies, like Dune did. Is doing.

As this is likely to be marketed as a family film (I'm expecting a PG rating) they might just be making two ninety-minute films so that parents aren't off-put by the idea of their kids squirming in chairs for three hours. But given that the director and writers have spoken repeatedly about how this story was just "too big" to be contained in a single film, and that they're planning to add a whole bunch of stuff, that seems unlikely. I have a hard time seeing both movies clock in at a runtime of under four hours.

So what are you going to do here?

I had been hoping at first that they were going to re-add in a bunch of the themes and plot points from the novel. And maybe they are? But I sense that they're being timid here. That they're gonna pull their punches and make this a very straightforward, very paint-by-numbers story about a generically evil tyrant with the race and class stuff shoved way, way, way into the background. For that matter I expect them to dial the queerness back as well, which would be awful because my god is Wicked queer.

I dunno. This just seems like a lot of red flags.

[abigailnussbaum]

The Umbrella Academy, S4

As a known curmudgeon I am in the weird position of feeling like I should go to bat for this season. By which I mean, it's certainly not great (my ranking is 2 > 3 > 4 > 1), but it's hardly as bad as some of the reactions are making it out to be. And a sizeable chunk of the problems with it clearly come down to depressingly familiar Netflix bullshit: it's not just that the episode order for this season has been cut down, but it's very clear that the budget was also significantly slashed. So there are no big fantastical settings like the Commission or the Marigold Hotel (the multiversal subway comes closest, but it's a single set with no site-specific characters except the leads), no ambitious set-pieces like the staggered arrivals in the sixties from the beginning of S2, not even any big dance numbers. (There's probably no better illustration of this season's reduced budget than the way the fifth episode sets up a Winter Soldier-style elevator fight for Luther, only for the doors to close so we don't get visuals, only sound.)

I also wonder how much of the negativity towards the season has to do with The Ending. Which, to be clear, is entirely fair - a bad ending tends to color your impression of everything that came before it. But is the ending of The Umbrella Academy bad, or is it just shocking?

Personally, as soon as I heard that people were up in arms about the show's conclusion, I said to myself "oh, they all die", so maybe I went in forewarned and thus wasn't as disappointed as other viewers. But I also think that in principle, this is a conclusion that makes sense for the story the show has been telling.

Every single season of The Umbrella Academy has revolved around the Hargreeves siblings preventing, by the skin of their teeth, an apocalypse that probably wouldn't have happened without their presence. They are the cause of, and solution to, all the multiverse's problems. It's hard to imagine a resolution to that situation that wouldn't involve taking them all off the board. Emotionally, too, there's a logic to this entire family going down together. This was never a "change and grow" show. The Hargreeves might make concrete changes in their lives - Viktor transitions, Luther gets married, Diego has a family - but when it comes down to it, they remain a bunch of screwed up people who can only really relate to each other, and that often very dysfunctionally. Ending the show on "I love you... but you're all such assholes" strikes, I think, the perfect note.

All that said, I certainly can't claim that S4 earns this ending or leads up to it organically. There are ideas that the season plays with - the multiversal subway, the endless versions of Five who have been trying to figure out how to get his family off the sequential apocalypse train for an infinity of time without ever figuring it out, Reginald Hargreeves's wife being a player in her own right - that should have been introduced far earlier than they are. And the way that Ben is instrumentalized to achieve the apocalypse du jour certainly leaves you feeling a certain kind of way. It is very much a case of solid premise/half-assed execution.

And having said that... isn't that basically The Umbrella Academy in a nutshell? This is a show that has retconned itself practically every season of its existence (remember when Allison rewriting the universe to her specifications was meant to be a major aspect of this season? Instead it's brought up in a single line and never mentioned again). It has always relied more on vibes than well-structured plot, on big moments than coherent plotting and follow-through. Again, I think S4, for reasons both external (that reduced budget) and internal manages that mixture less well than other seasons, but it still feels largely of a piece with what the show was and where its power came from. Personally, I tend to watch this show more for the characters, their interactions, and the gags, so let's go down the line and see how well S4 handled them:

Luther - post-S1, Luther has been a comic relief character who is defined by his sad-sackness. S4 continues in that line. I was a bit disappointed that Sloane's disappearance in the S3 finale wasn't reversed, since I really liked her and Luther's relationship. But given how much the ending of the show relies on the Hargreeves' connection to each other, that makes sense - unlike Lila, Sloane never bonded with the other Hargreeves (and didn't even seem that connected to her own siblings). I quite like the idea of Luther as a stripper who is very devoted and serious about that work, and has in fact reoriented his entire worldview so that it filters the world through the lessons of that profession, despite being very bad at it. So no complaints here.

Diego - obviously the place where the season falls down the hardest. Does it make sense that Diego, the man who named his daughter after the robot who raised him, and who was able to convince Lila that not just he, but the rest of his siblings, were her real family, would, after six years of marriage and fatherhood, completely forget to appreciate his family and be constantly on the lookout for a way out? Unfortunately, the realities of life under capitalism tell us that it is. But the way the season just leaves him in this stasis until nearly its final scenes - the way it even seems to find his dissatisfaction and detachment funny rather than tragic - is pretty depressing. Not to mention turning the most charming performer in the cast into someone whom it is genuinely unpleasant to watch.

Allison - from day one the show's most problematic character, so it's hardly a surprise that this truncated season didn't find a way to fix those problems. I think there's an attempt to paint her as "empowered" - the shift in her powers to more active and less manipulative, the more complex but ultimately healthier relationship with Claire - but it all ends up feeling pretty thin. Plus, Emmy Raver-Lampman spends the entire season in a long coat, so I'm guessing she was pregnant while shooting, which also impacts on the show's ability to do involved stuff with her character.

(As a side note, I'm not exactly sad about this, but it's interesting that the show doesn't circle back to the Luther/Allison ship. When Sloane disappeared, I thought that was the intent, since "give them each a separate love interest who eventually goes away before putting them together" is a pretty standard shipping format. Instead, they have barely a single interaction in the whole season - not even "hey, remember when you wished my wife out of existence?")

Klaus - like Luther, Klaus is a pure comic relief character, though in his case that seems to involve giving Robert Sheehan a prompt, yelling "action" and standing back. I don't love that in this season that involves spinning Klaus off into an unrelated story (though again, this is not a million miles off what previous seasons have done with him), but it's Klaus, so it's never not fun to watch.

Five & Lila - gonna make what is probably my most controversial statement in this post and say that I do not hate this development, and in fact think it makes a lot of sense. If you watched S3 and didn't come away thinking that these two had a lot more in common than Lila does with Diego, I really don't know what to tell you. And between Lila's fundamental cheerfulness, the fact that Five's cynicism has always concealed a soft, gooey center, and seven years of enforced closeness, I both buy that this would happen and am kind of into it. I also think the way they both react when they return to their own world - Five thinks he's better for Lila, while she, who chose Diego in the first place for a reason, is focused on getting her marriage back - makes a lot of sense. The real problem, as I said above, is that this is all handled in ten minutes in the series finale, instead of introducing the whole subplot much earlier and letting it play out at leisure.

Ben - definitely a mixed bag here. Character-wise, I think the season handles Ben's (thoroughly justified, given that they are not his family) disdain for the Hargreeves, and the way it's cut through with an affection that he'd really rather not feel, extremely well. And after four seasons, the revelation that none of the Hargreeves actually knew how Ben died, that their memories had been altered by Reginald after killing him in front of them, is pretty sharp (though it raises the question of why Ghost Ben never said anything to Klaus about it). But as noted above, ultimately Ben isn't a character so much as a plot token, and that can't help feeling unsatisfying.

Viktor - I really love the way Viktor's whole deal in this season both parallels and mirrors his situation at the beginning of the show. Back then, he was separate from his family but also completely at loose ends; now he's separate from them because he's figured himself out (though he's also still fundamentally a fuckup). And that makes him most able to engage with Reginald as an equal and move the story forward. It's a nice full circle for this character that doesn't ignore his fundamental Hargreeves nature.

So that's about five and a half characters out of eight handled reasonably well, a pretty decent showing for this series. I could definitely imagine a better send-off for The Umbrella Academy, but the realities of both this show and the world of streaming TV are what they are, so I'm OK with what we've gotten.