#i am trying not to pressure you but it's possible the end of this may literally derange! portions! of my brain! so ... fair warning 😘 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thecherrypittttttt · 25 days ago

Text

SOLID WORK; dr jack abbot x dr!reader

words: 4,700+

content warnings: my minimal medical knowledge, doctor humor, abbot’s filthy mouth, some smut, fluff <3

notes: i am so beyond new to this fandom and to tumblr so please stick with me but i couldn’t not write this🫶

・❥・

”Solid work.”

My breathing slows as I start to process the complexity of the procedure I had just performed. I’d probably be blushing at Dr Abbot’s praise if it weren’t for the adrenaline coursing through me.

“That was your save. Not mine.”

Trust me - I am never jumping to credit a man with my work but that was the truth. I may have physically done everything but the idea and the instructions that made it possible were all Dr Abbot.

I look back down at the patient. I tell myself it’s to make sure this is all real. That I really just did that. But if I am being honest it’s to avoid Dr Abbot’s unwavering eye contact.

“Hey-“

He is not gonna let me. I look up to meet his gaze. So rock solid but somehow so warm all at once. He may as well be staring right through me.

He lightly rests his hand on my forearm to stop me from going for the suture. To stop me from giving him anything other than my undivided attention.

“-you are the smartest person in here. Take the win.”

I can’t help the exasperated smile that spreads across my face. He’s right. I’ve only got a couple months left of residency. I should just take the fucking win for once in my life.

Abbot, much to my surprise, smiles back. And he has dimples because of course he does.

He’s calm under pressure, he lies on official paperwork to get a teenage girl the abortion she has every right to, he’s the actual smartest one here, he’s kind to everyone in this ED regardless of the stress he is under, and…he still has his hand on my arm.

His hand. The veins there don’t hurt the eyes either.

We must both realize his lingering touch at the same time because he is clearing his throat and pulling away. He reaches for a surgical instrument he doesn’t need. Picks it up and then puts it down.

I swear there is a faint blush on his cheeks but if I think about that too long one will appear on my own.

“Let Whitaker stitch this up. Go home - get some rest. Your shift ended hours ago.”

“I love Whitaker but he is so slow we may as well let the wound heal all on its own.”

Dr Abbot laughs. Genuinely, truly laughs as we exit out of the trauma bay. So loud that Robby looks over and asks if he’s okay.

Don’t get me wrong. Dr Abbot has a wonderful sense of humor. A wicked one, actually. But it’s one of those dry, witty kinds. Not the animated, giggly kind.

I tell myself it’s not a bad thing that I’m proud to have gotten a good laugh out of him. That it’s not a bad thing that it gave me butterflies. That’s it’s not a bad thing that I am laying in bed wondering how the hell I am going to get him to do that again.

・❥・

Jack lets out a low moan as he recovers. His eyes are dazed, his head slightly tilted back but not so much so that he can’t keep eye contact with me.

His hand that held the makeshift ponytail in my hair starts to massage my scalp as the other hand reaches for my chin and tilts my head up to meet his strong gaze.

Once he’s got me where he wants me, his thumb travels from my chin to my lips, swiping what’s left of his release off of it.

“My good girl. So good for me, yeah?”

My thighs involuntarily clench together at his words. He knows it too. I nod as his thumb presses further into my mouth, my lips wrapping around it.

His mouth quips into a smirk, “Solid work, doctor.”

I roll my eyes and bat his hand away. Standing up from my knees on my own. Ignoring his arms trying to gently guide me up instead.

“That! That is exactly what I am talking about!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, baby.”

Jack just laughs as he grabs my wrist, turning me back towards him. He’s quick to have me pinned up against our shower wall - his strong thigh spreading my own apart as he plants long slow kisses across my neck.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Back when I was a resident, otherwise known as a couple months ago, Jack consistently praised what I was doing by saying “Solid work.”

The way he did always made me dizzy. His voice would drop an octave and he’d look me straight in my eyes while he said it. There is nothing inherently sensual about the phrase but it took me a while to realize he was not complimenting the other residents like that.

Him saying it during sex started as a joke. Harkening back to when, as he puts it, I was so painfully oblivious to his flirting. To which I responded, “That was flirting?”.

He said it again to me at work the next day. Being completely and utterly genuine. I don’t even remember what I did but I did it well and he is always the first to acknowledge that. So he was confused when I just huffed in annoyance and peeled out of the room without so much of a glance at him.

I wasn’t annoyed at him. I was annoyed that now all I could think about was him. His hands, his biceps, his tongue. Everything. And I still had six hours of my shift to go.

He followed me into the on-call room I was going to find some refuge in. He locked the door behind him - closed the curtain for good measure.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

And then I felt bad. He thought something was actually wrong. That no way I’d ever brush him off like that when he was just trying to compliment me unless something was seriously wrong.

His eyes bored into mine, genuine concern and love pouring out of them. And here I was just being a brat.

I tried to be sly about the way my eyes trailed the veins bulging out of his biceps. I tried to be sly about the way I was imagining my hands tugging on his salt and pepper curls that were just slightly askew from a couple hours work. Unfortunately for me, Jack can read me like a book.

“Did you just stomp out of the ED because you’re needy?” Jack couldn’t contain the grin that spread across his face at the realization.

“Well maybe if you weren’t always going Mr Christian Gray on me with the praise-“

“I don’t even know who that is but all I said was ‘Solid work’-“

Jack stops himself as he remembers the past couple nights. When he was saying the same thing in a much different context.

I can’t say I’m entirely innocent. Or innocent at all really. I love throwing in a ‘sir’ every now and again at work to tease Jack. So he does the same to me with other phrases - constantly.

And he said the same thing in that on-call room that he is saying to me right now, “But what I do know is how fucking wet you are for me. So stop pouting and let me taste you, yeah?”

He swipes a finger through my soaked folds before he’s the one sinking down to his knees as I try to keep mine from buckling.

・❥・

“Solid work, Dr Abbot.”

I smile down at my sparkling new engagement ring and then up at the love of my life.

“Seriously? You can tease but I can’t?”

“What’s that saying again? Happy wife, happy life?”

Neither of us can wipe the huge grins off of our faces. No one knows we’re engaged yet. Just how we wanted it.

A couple of months ago, right after I had taken an attending job at The Pitt, Jack had broached the topic of marriage. We’d talked about it before. We both knew we were spending the rest of our lives together. But we hadn’t actually talked about the timeline of it all - the logistics.

Jack was always extremely hyper aware about how our relationship affected me. He didn’t want it to interfere with my career or all of my hard work. So as much as he would’ve walked down the aisle six months ago, he wanted everything to be on my terms.

“Hypothetically - if I were to propose, say within the next month - would you say yes?”

“Hypothetically - if I ever say no to a marriage proposal from you - please get me a psychiatry consult.”

Jack laughed - in an airy way where you could tell he was relieved. I kissed him. There was no universe in which I ever said no to a proposal from him.

He pestered me with questions. He wanted direction but not so much so that I wouldn’t be surprised when the time came.

I told him I didn’t want anything fancy. No big party although I did want to have a small gathering with our friends and family at some point afterwards. A nice sized diamond but not gaudy. No grand gestures - just him being him is all that I wanted.

And he executed perfectly. Because when does he not. It was our first night in the new home we had bought. He said we could get a hotel while we waited for our furniture to be delivered. But I wanted to do one night with no furniture, an air mattress, some candles, and a pizza delivery.

“Like camping.” I had said.

“You hate camping.”

I laughed because he was right but he obliged me anyways. He carried me over the threshold and I made a joke about how he’s got to be careful - being old and all.

Then he carried me right over to the air mattress, said something like “Can an old man do this?” and went on to coax four orgasms from me - one from his fingers, one from his tongue, one from his thigh, and finally one from where I wanted him most.

When we were done, I threw on one of his old tshirts and a pair of boxers. He just had on an old pair of sweats and a white tee. We stared into each others eyes like two lovesick teenagers until he said “Come here - I gotta show you something.”

“Babe, the house is empty.”

“Get over here smart ass.”

Jack picked up a candle and lead us over to the fireplace. He set the candle on the mantle as I read what was now engraved into the stone ‘The Abbots - Est 2025’

“So this is why you were getting all of those random tools from Amazon.”

Ever the handy man he is. Then he was on his knee. His bad one. To which I told him he didn’t have to do that. And then he said he would even if it killed him. And I think I said something stupid like “Not on my watch.”

I don’t even remember what he said after that. He doesn’t either. We both blacked out from sheer happiness. All I really remember is him asking me to do him the honor of being his wife and me pulling him up off of his knee and saying ‘Duh!’ as fast I could before kissing him. Over and over and over again until that air mattress was just a deflated extension of the wood floor beneath it.

・❥・

Dana’s hand rests on my thigh gently. My leg stops shaking. My mind doesn’t stop racing though.

I'm not an anxious person. If anything, I can be relaxed to a fault. But I am an intuitive person - and something is wrong.

Where is he?

“Relax. When is that man ever late?”

“That’s why I’m worried.”

You would think I didn't have my own license or car the way Jack insists on driving me everywhere. He tells me it is to keep our insurance from being sky high. I may or may not be a bit accident prone when behind the wheel. I tell him it's because he's obsessed with me. He always huffs a laugh and murmurs something about two things being true at once.

The Pitt makes sense. Ever since Jack started taking on more day shifts to balance out our conflicting schedules, a lot of times we are arriving and leaving here together. But on the off chance we are not, he is still picking me up. Always with some kind of treat in hand - usually a McDonalds Diet Coke much to Jack's dismay.

Jack takes the saying 'If you're not early - you're late' far more seriously than anyone I have ever met. The day shift typically gets off at 7 PM which means he is usually here to gossip with Robby on the roof by 6:35 PM.

“Go - take a case! He’ll be here to pick you up before you know it.”

My dissents are quickly met with Dana shooing me from the nurses station and personally squaring my shoulders to the board.

I haven’t even read the first name when Robby appears at my shoulder.

“Where is your fiancé?”

“Say that any louder and you’re going to be my next patient.”

“Yeah because you two are so inconspicuous with the whispering and the giggling and the big honking rock on your finger and the-“

“-disappearing to 'clean' the on-call room.” Dana finishes Robby’s sentence as they both double over in laughter.

Dana, Robby, and Collins are the only people in the ED that know about Jack and I’s relationship.

Collins knew I had feelings for Jack before I even let myself go there. Robby knew Jack had feelings for me before he let himself go there. So they took matters into their own hands.

Collins had a $100 on Jack breaking first. Robby $100 on me. And he had an extra $100 to spare when he bribed Dr Ellis to ask me to take her night shift for a week. Oh, how that backfired on him.

Three shifts later and Robby was $200 in the hole.

Six months later, I was moved out of my city apartment and into Jack's house.

Dana offered to drive me home after shift one night. Because it was cold and rainy and my apartment was close by. My apartment that I no longer lived in.

Jack wasn’t picking me up - he was out of town at a conference. I insisted on taking an uber, the bus, walking - anything that meant not explaining to Dana why my new address was the same as Dr Abbot's. She wouldn't take no for an answer and yelled "Oh, I knew it! Bridget owes me $100!" when I finally fessed up.

One year later, almost to the day that Robby had to pony up on his bet with Collins, I had an engagement ring on my finger.

Tonight, after he picks me up, Jack and I are going to pilates together.

It was only a matter of time before Robby and Collins gave it another go and I bet Jack that Robby would fold before Collins.

What's the point in betting money when we share a bank account? Seeing Jack in the pink pilates grippy socks he does not know I got him will be priceless.

“Well, when you find him please tell him that he is late for our date on the roof."

"Stop dragging him up there - you already have a date tonight!"

"Yeah, one in which I need his advice on."

"Oh please, you're talking to the wrong Abbot if you need advice on how to woo Collins." Dana interjects. Not everyone in the ED knows about Jack and I but they do know Heather and I are best friends.

"Oh, I wasn't aware you two had tied the knot already. Do you want me to change your name on the board? I can do that right now actually. Does HR know? It'll just take a moment-" Robby teases.

I grab the remote out of Robby's hands as he laughs, "Okay fine - go have your little roof date but do not take long!"

"Well, we'd already be done if he wasn't late. Where is he by the way? He is never late for anything.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me.”

I step forward, my elbows on the counter of the nurses station and my head now in my hands as I groan.

“Relax. It’s Jack - we couldn’t keep him away from this place even if we wanted to. Especially with you in here.” Robby squeezes my shoulder and is off to what I assume to be the roof.

I check my watch before I stand back up to scan the board for real this time - 6:50 PM.

Where is he?

I pull my phone from my pocket. There’s no new message from Jack lighting up my home screen but I open up our conversation anyways.

From Jack: I miss you

From Jack: I can’t believe Langdon is getting to hang out with you right now and not me

From Jack: If you stay at that damn hospital any longer we’re gonna have to start forwarding all these packages you order there

Little does he know one of those many packages holds his new pilates socks.

To Jack: Oh please - as if more than half aren’t all your little go bag gadgets

To Jack: And to think our colleagues think I’m the drama queen

“Incoming - Trauma 1!”

I’m happy for the distraction. I’m gowned, gloved, and ready to go before the patient is even rolled in.

The doors to Trauma 1 fly open - but not with a patient. Just Dana.

“I’m going to get Robby! You should not have to do this.” Dana is staring pointedly at me before she’s off. I don’t even get a chance to respond.

Weird. I know I’ve only been an attending for a couple months but Dana had more confidence in me on my first day as an intern than she did just now.

I now understand why as the patient is rolled in front of me.

There he is.

Unconscious. Cold. Clammy. And slightly bloody from a small cut on his forehead.

My world stops.

“Heart attack.” Langdon is here.

Somehow all I can think of is Jack’s text from earlier. I want to laugh but I can’t. What if I never get one again? I’m supposed to see him in pink pilates socks tonight. Not in a body bag.

“CLEAR!”

Suddenly all the pieces from the past couple days are coming together and I cannot believe I didn’t catch it sooner. Can’t believe he didn’t catch it sooner!

“CLEAR!”

His dizziness. The increase in massages of his amputated leg. The quick heart beat. The rash.

I hear the commotion around me. But I’m not processing any of it until it’s directed at me.

“I said CLEAR! Move!”

This cant be happening. So I decide that it’s not going to.

“No!” My voice comes out way more feeble than I meant. Way more feeble than anyone in this ED has ever heard me.

“Well I hope you enjoyed being Abbot’s favorite because you’re going to kill him and your career in one go.”

“Langdon - he is not having a heart attack.”

“Yes he is!”

“No he isn’t - take off his leg!”

“Take off his leg?! Okay, you’re literally going insane. And I’m supposed to report to you?! I know I went to rehab but oh my gosh - CLEAR!”

“I’m going to clear you out of this trauma bay if you do not get out of my way.”

You know how they say a new mom could lift a car off of her new born baby? I’m pretty sure that’s the phenomenon I am experiencing right now. I don’t exactly know what other worldly force is taking over me right now but I do not question it. I am watching myself from outside of my body as I spring into action.

I shove Langdon to the side as I lift up Jack’s pant leg to remove his prosthetic. The prosthetic that noone else in this room would’ve known he had.

He doesn’t keep it a secret but he doesn’t exactly advertise it either. Especially when he refuses to sit down on a double shift. Ironically enough, that’s probably why he is on this table.

I spot what I’m looking for immediately but Langdon is the one who speaks it out loud, “Pressure ulcer - he’s in septic shock.”

“Thanks for finally using your brain Dr Langdon but we’re going to be using mine from here on out.”

“Blood ox is 91.” Someone yells. I don’t know who. What I do know is that 91 is dangerously low.

“Scalpel.” I demand.

“What are you going to do?”

“We need to drain this fluid before his organs start to fail.”

The first and only time Jack taught me this procedure it was his save. Now it has to be mine.

I tell myself that one day we will be sitting in front of our engraved fireplace. Old. Like, actually old. Not the fake old that Jack tries to pretend he is. With kids and grandkids - telling them the story of how Jack saved his own life through the transitive property. So I better get to work.

“Scalpel. Now.”

Langdon slams the scalpel into my hand. I ignore the looks around the room. The looks that say ‘The only person qualified to perform something like this in an ED is the patient’.

“Your funeral. And his.” I ignore Langdon.

I must have cut the most perfect incisions of my life. Performed the most flawless procedure anyone has ever seen from me. I don’t remember any of it.

The loud beeping slows. His blood pressure rises. Then his blood oxygen. Then the bag I drained is full and being disposed of by Dana.

When did she get here?

Robby’s hand is on my shoulder, trying to pull me away.

When did he get here?

I hear him tell Whitaker to get a suture and close up the wound. Oh, the irony. Credit where credit is due - Whitaker has gotten much quicker under Jack’s patient teaching. Thank fucking goodness.

I think of the first real laugh I got out of Jack. My eyes start to tear up but I stop myself. I will hear that laugh again. Over and over and over again. So much so that I would get sick of it if that was even possible.

Robby is apologizing profusely into my ear. He has nothing to be sorry for. But I can’t manage any words. So I just let him move me out of Whittaker’s way but I do not leave Jack’s side.

I can’t seem to register anything beyond Jack’s face that I’m seemingly trying to force into consciousness with my stare alone.

“Where the hell did you learn that?”

My head turns to Whitaker at his question but it swivels so fast back to Jack I think I give myself whiplash. Because I don’t speak - he does.

“Solid work, doctor.”

I’ve never been happier to hear those words come out of his mouth.

“Oh my god.” My hand clamps over my mouth as my head dips to Jack’s chest, my arms wrapping around his shoulders.

My adrenaline tank plummets to zero and I am absolutely sobbing into Jack’s chest. Whatever was coursing through my veins during that procedure is coming out in what feels like gallons of tears and hiccups.

I don’t care who’s in the room. I don’t care that everyone is slack jawed and staring and so beyond confused. I don’t care that out of the corner of my eye I see Perlah slapping a $100 into Princess’s palm.

All I care is that Jack’s hand has found its way into my hair and when I place my shaking hand on top of it to make sure it’s real - it is. Even better - it’s warm and dexterous and alive.

He’s alive and he’s here.

He gently guides my head out of his chest. I lift my chin up to look at him - give him the eye contact I know he is seeking. That we both are.

“Baby - I’m okay. I’m okay, I’m safe, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

His voice is as steady as ever. His heart beat matching it. The beat that was so faint what seems like moments ago.

I let it calm me down. I place a kiss to his chest and lean up to do the same to his forehead. My hand tangles in his salt and pepper curls as I hold his sweaty forehead to my lips and then bring my own forehead down to meet his. I close me eyes and breath him in.

He’s alive and he’s here.

“Welcome back, brother.” Robby manages to choke out through a couple tears of his own.

“Just wanted to make sure you guys weren’t getting lazy at the end of your shift.”

We all crack a smile but only Robby speaks, “Does this mean I have to work a double?”

“Not if you go park my car. It’s in the ambulance bay.”

I speak a full sentence for what feels like the first time in days, “You drove here?”

“We had a date. Plus, I wasn’t feeling quite right.” Jack nods down towards his amputated leg like it’s nothing but a minor inconvenience.

I dig into his pocket and toss Robby his keys. Robby calls for a CT and a room with a bed before ushering himself and everyone else out to give us some privacy.

“And how are you feeling now?”

“I’m feeling like I’d like to make the woman who just saved my life my wife.”

My hand immediately flies to the small cut on his forehead. The blood dry and crusty, “How hard did you hit your head? We’re already engaged.”

Jack chuckles, places his hand on mine and squeezes, “I barely hit my head when I fell out of the car. I’m fine - I just really don't want to live another moment without being able to call myself your husband.”

So we don’t. Not really anyways. I make Jack get every fucking scan in the book that I think we hit our insurance deductible in under an hour. He humors me by lying in the bed in one of the ER rooms as I pump a myriad of fluid and antibiotics into him.

After a few hours his blood oxygen is perfect. So is his blood pressure and his heart rate. I don’t think I’ve taken my eyes off of him once. Or my hands. Running my hands through his hair, caressing his forehead, squeezing his forearm. Just to reassure myself he is here.

He understands what I’m doing. Hears what I cannot say. He grabs my hand on its next pass through his hair and presses a kiss to every single knuckle before speaking, “Baby, I’m sorry I scared you. I scared myself honestly. But I promise, I am not going anywhere. Ever. And I am so sorry you had to go through that. You should have never had to operate on me. I don’t know how you did that. I mean if it was flipped. If I saw you come in like that-“

His voice falters, his bottom lip quivers and he pulls me into the tightest hug as we both begin to cry. I think if we could crawl into eachothers skin, we would.

We stay there like that for a while. Until Jack grabs my face, kisses every single part of it, then whispers “I love you so much but I think if you pump anymore fluid into me you’re going to water board me.”

As if on cue, Robby whips the curtain open, “To the roof we go!”

“You can’t be serious.”

Robby holds up some kind of certificate as Collins and Dana round the corner.

In the hours I spent nursing Jack back to health, I went to the bathroom one time. And only because I hadn’t gone the last four hours of my shift and I own a huge water bottle.

In that one bathroom break, Jack had managed to get Robby ordained online and enlisted Dana and Collins to ‘decorate’ the roof.

We’re still gonna have our wedding ceremony and the reception and the whole ordeal. But I agree with him - I can’t go another second not married to him. Not after today.

So we go up to the roof. Jack still in his hospital gown and me in my scrubs. Robby officiates, Dana sings because she can’t help herself, and Collins ‘witnesses’ which really means crying.

Jack is kissing me before Robby can even say, “You may kiss your bride.”

When we come up for air, Robby claps both of us on the back and says, “Solid work, you two.”

I just kiss my husband again. Because he is alive and he is here

#jack abbot #dr abbott #dr abbot x reader #dr abbot x you #jack abbott #the pitt #dr abbot smut #dr abbot fluff #dr jack abbot x reader #dr jack abbot fanfic #dr jack abbott #dr jack abbot x you #the pitt hbo #jack abbot x reader #jack abbot x you #jack abbot x female reader #jack abbott x reader #jack abbott x you #jack abbott x female reader

669 notes · View notes

strange-aeons · 4 months ago

Note

hi strange i’ve been enjoying yr videos for about four years thank u for giving me giggles for so long. however i am writing as i am not totally sure who else to ask…

my boyfriend had a traumatic pneumothorax last week and about 80% of his right lung collapsed. i don’t really know anything about pneumothorax (although i have learned so much recently lol) aside from hearing you mention it and as such i don’t know how to help him :(

i know it’s a shot in the dark but i was wondering if there are any comforts or ways to alleviate pain you could share? thank you so much strange you are super tough btw to have gone through this several times this Sucks big time

many good wishes to you and your sweet hairless babies in the new year!

If it happened one week ago he’s already gotten through the worst part! I’m assuming he’s still hospitalized with a chest tube in right now??

When I was in that situation it helped a lot having frequent visits from my partner and family. Especially when they brought snacks!!!!!! Hospital meals can be borderline inedible and there’s no way of escaping to the food court when you have a chest tube in (unless you plan to deceive multiple nurses and risk life threatening infection through the OPEN HOLE IN YOUR CHEST. Don’t do that).

Good food can be a relief in an otherwise horrible time, so finding out what he really wants to eat and brining it will definitely help. If he has no appetite then things like smoothies or drinkable soup can be very helpful. I often live off booster juice and Tim Hortona chicken noodle soup when hospitalized.

Finding the right media to keep sane is also very important!!! Your sleep schedule disintegrates entirely when laying on your back full of tube for multiple days. 2AM listening to alarms go off and 6AM getting woken up for x-rays and 1pm having the lunch slop delivered and 3pm being woken up for x-rays and 9pm visit from your surgeon all become basically indistinguishable, especially if you have no windows. Podcasts were ideal for me because it can be very hard to find a comfortable position with a chest tube / pneumothorax and looking at a screen was often too much of a hassle. Queer as fact and fall of civilizations are both excellent if you want non fiction btw. Old gods of Appalachia or welcome to nightvale if you want fiction.

There’s not a lot that you as a loved one can do about his physical pain, but I will share some of my pneumothorax expertise with you and anyone else who might go through this.

There’s no nerve endings in the lungs so all the pain/ discomfort related to a pneumothorax has to do with pressure in the chest cavity.

The pain is the absolute worst when your lung is actively collapsing so when that feeling starts SHOVE SOME EXTRA STRENGTH ADVIL OR TYLENOL DOWN YOUR THROAT, then lay down and wait for it to finish collapsing. It may seem tempting to rush to the hospital as fast as possible (or rush your loved one who’s lung is collapsing to the hospital) but trust me the last thing you want to do with a lung that is actively deflating like a sad balloon is exert yourself (this is how I collapsed my lung the full 100% and could not move my upper body for an hour. Quirky). Give it at least 30 minutes of floor time before you try to move. You will have a way better time getting to the hospital.

Wait sorry I lied lung re-inflation hurts sometimes more than the initial collapse. The sometimes are the times when ER nurses do not know how to do it properly. Immediately after they put the chest tube in, they attach it to a suction machine to suck out the excess air in your chest cavity. I do not know if these machines are the same internationally (I’m Canadian) but if you’re dealing with one where the settings are percentages, the one you want is 20% suction. NOT 100%!!! that just causes unnecessary excruciating pain without being more effective. I have had to fight numerous nurses while in the worst pain of my life to TURN THE PAIN MACHINE DOWN. fuck the pain machine. Anyway. After the pain machine they leave the tube in for a few more days to make sure the lung stays inflated. Nearing the end of that process, most of the discomfort is caused by the tube itself, so as horrible disgusting the worst getting that thing ripped out is, just know you will feel so much better after.

Throughout the healing process (and in the case of small pneumothoraxes not requiring chest tubes — I’ve had over 10 of those ones) I’ve noticed that heightened discomfort lasting a few minutes results from going from laying down to standing up or vice verse, or from bending over. This is why I have pioneered the sophisticated technique know as the pneumothorax squat. It is just as cool and hot as you’re imagining.

This post was supposed to be about how to support a loved one with a pneumothorax what the heck am I even talking about now.

Most of what he’s going to need will seem boring or insignificant. Companionship. Food. Medication. Toiletries. COMPANIONSHIP. podcast recommendations. But it absolutely is not insignificant. Abruptly losing mobility, independence, and bodily autonomy as a young person is really fucked up and I cannot fathom doing it without my family and my partner, even if most days that consisted of talking to me and bringing me smoothies and underwear.

Wishing a quick recovery to your boyfriend! Good luck with everything!!

1K notes · View notes

stilljuststardust · 17 days ago

Text

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Visualization; How I do it

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

As always, take what works for you. This is my opinion and experience, I don't want you to do everything the same way I do, I just hope it helps you discover your way. I probably experience visualization different than you and that's ok.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

1. Embrace tunnel vision

When I was first exploring visualization, particularly in shifting, it was emphasized to me that it should be as realistic as possible.

It's easy to sit down and lose yourself in trying to perfect the visualization. I would try to visualize and end up annoyed because I couldn't nail down the details. I felt pressure to get everything "right".

Here's the thing, visualization is not perfectly mapping out the floor plan of your bedroom, nor is it a 1:1 recreation of your environment.

Don't get overwhelmed trying to juggle everything single detail. Your brain doesn't multitask, it switches focus between tasks rapidly. In trying to switch between everything on your checklist you are going to overwhelm yourself and lose all immersion in the process.

The five sense are important but they are not a checklist. Trying to juggle five different experiences at once can be overwhelming. Pour your focus into something and let the other senses come up if they want to, instead of breaking your focus to add in something new.

You don't have to get it "right". You don't have to be perfect, exact, or accurate.

Tunnel vision is your friend. When you're going about your day to day life you're not focusing on your entire environment all at once. Some of the most immersive and potent visualizations you will ever have will be of minute details.

You don't visualize the whole scene you visualize a moment of it and get lost in it.

Maybe it's hard for you to visualize an entire room, but can you visualize one aspect of it? Instead of trying to map an entire castle, can you imagine the cold feeling of one of its windows against your hand?

You're overwhelmed trying to imagine your bedroom, so try instead to imagine the feeling of your bed in the morning when you don't want to get up. It's difficult to build an entire soundscape in your head so just imagine the grating sound of your alarm dragging you from sleep.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

2. Smell + touch > sight

While vision is the sense we rely upon for day to day life, and is therefore the focus of most visualization, we have four more that are often over looked.

The easiest way to immerse yourself is smell.

When it comes to memory and emotion one of our most powerful senses is smell. Sometimes you're moving through your life and you catch a whiff of something unidentifiable that drags you, head first, into nostalgia.

You may not be able to figure out the exact lay out of your environment but you probably know how it smells.

I find that when you start with smell all the other senses enter the visualization more naturally. When u think of the smell of the Hogwarts library the images of floating books and worn pages enter my mind without me having to consciously summon them.

This could just be a me thing so don't bite me if it's not yours, but personally thinking of how something looks always feels flimsier than the other senses even if it is still important.

When I am trying to imagine laying on the lawn the image easily feels impersonal, but the smell of morning air, feeling of wet grass under my hand and sun on my face, feels so much more real.

But YK, that's just me.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

#shiftblr #loa tumblr #shifting antis dni #loa blog #reality shifting #shifting community #loassumption #shifting #loablr #loassblog

369 notes · View notes

justaaveragereader · 7 months ago

Text

Slashtober🔪|| Misery!Yunho

Pairing: Yunho x Reader

Word Count: 6.0k

Warnings: THE ENDING IS DARK!! Stalker!Yunho, Dom!Yunho, Sub!Reader, Unprotected Sex, Mutual Masterbation, Possesiveness, Yunho Is Toxic ASF, Primal Play, Fear Play, Degradation, Choking, CNC, YuYu Uses His Body To Restrain You, Spit, Spanking, Dacryphilia, Masterbation, Clit Play, Oral, Restraining, Fingering, Ass Play, Squirting, Cum Eating…If I Missed Anything…Lemme Know👀👀

A/N: Because tomorrow is going to be busy, busy for me, I decided to drop Yunhos slasher fic a day early😚! This whole fic is DARK, once again they are based off of the slashers in the horror film. If you’ve seen the movie Misery, you know the movie was crazy as hell, so what do you think this fic will be? Crazy as hell. I enjoyed writing this so much, I apologize for the person I was when I was writing the smut to this fic😀.

Slashtober 24’ Masterlist

NSFW UNDER CUT MDNI!!!!

All Ageless, Blank, and Bot Looking Blogs Will Be Blocked.

“Am I almost finished?” You say while eating peanut m&ms. Letting a smile grace your face you nod, holding up a stack of papers. Making sure not to turn them around you show the camera. Letting all your fans on live see the hard work you have done. You had been working on this book for quite some time. You had taken a well deserved vacation up to northern New York to add the finish touches. Squinting you get closer to the screen, trying to read the fast moving messages.

“What is the plot like?” You read out loud, munching on another m&m, you smile once more. The flood of questions coming in hot. You couldn’t help but feel proud. Pointing to your chin like you are thinking.

“Hmm…I can’t spoil the plot you guys! If I told you the plot then it would ruin the suspense.” With a small laugh, you shift through more of the comments.

“When are you coming back home?” You read. Rolling your eyes slightly, you chuckle.

“Soon Woo! I’m packing up soon, and will be on the road no later than maybe 5pm?” Eating another handful of m&ms. You grab the laptop, moving it to the side. You pull up the curtains of the window, showing all the viewers the beautiful, snowy view. A small sigh leaves your mouth..

“I swear this vacation was not long enough. Look how pretty the snowfall is.” You whisper out, getting caught up in the moment before turning back to the computer. You adjust it once more, reading all the comments on the scenery.

“Where are you?” You read, not thinking much of it, assuming that the commenter is trying to land a spot at the peaceful spot, you laugh it off.

“I can’t tell you all that! You may try to steal my vacation spot.” You let out a small laugh, grabbing another handful of candy, before wrapping up the live. You wave sheepishly, promising to go live once you make it back to New York, closing your laptop. You pack up all your items, double checking to make sure you aren’t missing a thing when you get a notification. You toss your phone in your car, not bothering to check it. As you load your car, you take in the surroundings once more. The peacefulness of quiet envelopes your body, wrapping it in a blissful hug. As a writer life wasn’t easy for you, the pressure had been crushing your windpipe. This novel was well awaited once, your fans had been waiting three years for this book, the uneasy feeling of potentially letting them down always stayed in the back of your mind, nipping away at you like a hungry disease. Getting in your car you begin your trip back home, setting your phone up to use as the gps, as you get closer to exiting the property you begin to notice just how hard it is snowing. The thick, cold flakes sticking to the ground, crunching under your tires.

Thirty minutes into the drive you turn your windshield wipers up to clear your windshield as quickly as possible, the small flakes being very mighty. Letting out a groan you grab your phone off the dashboard, dialing Wooyoungs number to let him know you are going to turn around and head back to the cabin. The snow becomes too much for you to handle, trying to balance between looking at your phone, and at the road. As you are locking more onto your phone, not even a second later you lose control of the wheel. Tossing your phone aside, you grab the wheel tightly, trying to regain steering, pumping your brakes, you wind up spinning out and fall off the small cliff. The car falling, and crashing in between trees, your head smacks onto your wheel immediately knocking you out, the last thing you see is the white flurries of the cold flakes.

Not even a full hour has gone by before Yunho is getting out of his truck, searching high and low as to where your car could’ve gone. When he spots the small puff of smoke coming from your vehicle, the tracker on your car has only done so much luck for him. Notifying him that there had been an accident in the area but not pinpointing where you were. Swifty he makes his way down the snowbank, feet sliding down the hill as he hurries to you. Flinging open your car door he sees your slumped figure over the steering wheel, head lightly bleeding. Your eyes flutter slightly at the feeling of someone grabbing you. Barely being able to put any words together, yet alone thoughts together.

“My, my, my…darling what have you gotten yourself into.” He whispers while grabbing you, head bobbing in and out of consciousness, the darkness aids no help in being able to see. You gather all the strength you have, cold hand lightly palming the strangers wrist who you are now convinced is an angel pulling you towards the pearly gates.

“Thank you..” you whisper out before slipping into a motionless state. A small smile creeps on his face before he lets out a squeal, tugging on your body, he lays you in the snow. Admiring your senseless state, body moving like it’s made of clay, that he is willing to mold to his likings. A warm finger runs down the sides of your face, bringing his face closer to yours, inhaling your scent. The warm scent you radiate tickles his nose, bending down he hooks one arm under your legs, the other arm under your shoulder blades hoisting you up. To a stranger it looks like your husband is carrying you to safety, clutching you close as he climbs up the snow bank. Placing you safely in his car, he makes his way back down grabbing your bag, taking the keys out the ignition before making his way back up. Stopping just short of his driver door, watching your collapsed body in the front passenger seat, still as a doll. Placing your items in his trunk, he climbs into the driver seat, placing your head onto his thighs. The weight of your head makes his body grow warm, admiring your features he traces the shape of your nose, finger tips barely grazing your skin, almost as if he applied any more pressure he’d ruin the masterpiece below him. Starting the truck, he begins to pull off, glee filling his body as he makes his way closer to your shared home, the home he made for the two of you, the home you would wind up never leaving.

Your eyes flutter at the bright light, as you try to move you wince at the pain surging through your head.

“Careful.” A deep voice speaks, startling you. Your eyes shoot open, wincing at such movements. A hand comes up to your forehead, fingertips lightly brushing over the stitches.

“You had a nasty crash, I tried to fix you up with everything I had laying around the house.”

Eyes floating to the person who was speaking. He was gorgeous, broad shoulders, button up rolled to his elbows, friendly smile on his face. You were dumbstruck just by how beautiful he was. If only you had known what you were getting yourself into. He sat in the chair across from the bed you were in. Handing you a bottle of water, he explains to you how he was traveling on the road, and came across your crashed car in a ditch. As each second passed by you started to tune out how he had saved you, focusing heavy on the features of his face. The way he bit his lip when he was heavy into detail. How he talked with his hands. When he caught you staring he gave you a shy smile, a warm blush breaking out on his neck. Nodding your head as you listened to him, you had agreed to stay in the cabin til you healed up. As you were in no shape to leave, he kept you occupied. You had even started to talk to him about your personal life and how you were a writer, soon to be wrapping up and publishing your novel soon. His eyes twinkled with each breath you spilled about your book. You intrigued him so much, he had been following you for quite sometime now, everything you were telling him about wasn’t new news to him. He was well aware of what was going on in your life. It just sounded so much sweeter coming from your lips. As a couple days went on you were up and out of bed, moving around. Becoming independent once again, this did not please him. He tried to give you any and every reason to remain in bed, the nice guy you knew was now smothering you. Swearing he couldn’t find your phone in the crash, going so far to even say that he didn’t get any signal in the cabin so he only had a landline.

Internally you were punching yourself, relying so much on technology you hadn’t memorized anyone’s number but your own. Every move you made in the house it felt like you were being watched. You couldn’t deny that the attraction you had towards him lessened the blow of him being slightly weird. You were very attracted to him but knew this would never work. He was too dominant, too overbearing. Every word you spoke to him it felt unreal, almost as if he was trying to poison you and your brain. Tainting you beyond repair. Each day you looked out the window, the heavy snowfall felt like it would never give up. Part of you wished to be like one of the cold, wet flakes. Free.

You could only get so far as Yunho was on top of everything you did, only letting you in a couple rooms, yours, the bathroom, and the kitchen. He never let you venture out farther than he felt like you needed. He would leave for hours at a time during the week. Saying he was going back to the crash site to see if he could recover any of your items. Forbidding you to leave your room, sometimes even locking you inside. You never bat an eye once at these actions as you didn’t want to alarm him or throw any red flags.

You had been keeping small items you found in certain areas. You were loaded with paper clips, bending certain ones in odd ways to try and leave your room. As the windows had been sealed shut. Keeping track of which paper clips worked perfectly to the locks of the door. You were successful many times, choosing to roam the home when you knew he was quite a distance away. But one day…one very forgetful day your freedom got to your head. Not realizing the time that had passed, and missing the large man who was currently watching you rummage around his items. As large as he was, he moved like he was one with this house. Feet missing the floorboards that squeaked, steps as quiet as a mouse. Watching as you shift around, fingers flickering through his items, you fail to miss the way he takes up the doorway to the room. In such few minutes everything had escalated so quick.

“I just knew you were up roaming around. You almost had me fooled for a while til I realized you left your little key behind.” He says ending his sentence with a snicker to his tone. Holding up your make shift key, your eyes grow wide. Feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, you stand still. His presence looming over your very own. With each small step towards you, his smile grew wider. Your hands fidget by your side. Clearly confused on what to do.

“Do you know what happens to bad girls who don’t listen?” Shaking your head no very slowly, afraid to move any quicker. Your eyes never leave his, with such small sentences he carried such a heavy presence. He owned this place, he owned you, everything around you, you were his.

“Bad girls get fucked.” He says while leaning down to meet your eyes, his large stature swallowing you whole. Eyes growing wide, your breath stops for a split second. Your eyes dart to the door that he came through, empty and clear for taking off. He notices your hand twitching, eyes growing wide with anticipation. Letting out a small laugh, he steps back a bit giving you some space. You take this as a sign, you book it for the door, before you can even get three steps past him he snatches your body off the ground, feet dangling in mid air. You feel a hotter heat stead through your groin, you let out a loud groan. Clearly embarrassed at what noise you let you, your hands fly over your mouth, cupping it in shock. His large hands holding your stomach, just close to where you needed him. Flailing your body you try to break out of his hold, shaking as much as you can, praying that he is strong enough to hold you and not let you. He walks with your squirming body to the center of the living room. Moving one hand up to your neck as the other is holding your body tight to his. Your body immediately stops moving, limbs falling almost as if they are falling into a paralyzation. He smiles almost giddy at the way you so easily submit to him.

“A good hand on the neck.” He emphasizes his sentence by adding more pressure to your throat. Slowly putting you on the ground, belly first so you are laid out on the floor. Kneeling behind you he places his other hand between your shoulder blades.

“And an even firmer hand between the shoulder blades . Now that’s how you usually make a bitch submit.” He whispers into your ear. You feel your cunt clench at his dirty mouth, the more pressure he puts on your back the hotter your body grows. Your private areas are only covered by your bra and night time shorts. You are positive soon he will be able to see your arousal seep through the thin material. He looks below him at your form. The woman of his dreams right below him makes his cock grow bricked. Never did he think he’d have you in his arms. You slightly wiggle your body trying to squeeze your thighs tighter together, any stimulation to your clit will aid in the throbbing heat your body is feeling. He places more weight on your shoulder blades, taking this as a sign that you are trying to wiggle away. As your body aches with need at the more pressure he puts he squeezes your throat a bit before loosening his grip on it.

“I told you what happens to bad girls when they don’t listen.” He replies, voice as still water before the hurricane rushes through.

Squishing your face between his hands, your lips part. Nails slightly digging into your soft cheeks. Pulling your body back closer to his chest he ruts his hips against your ass. Feeling his thick member through his pants

“You like this don’t you?” You grunts into your ear, pulling down his pants with one hand, while the other holds your body in place. Your fingers are biting into your palms, trying your every to remain as quiet as possible you will not give him the satisfaction or play into games. His heavy cock smacks your bottom, the weight of it has you biting your lip, placing your forehead against the floor, letting out the quietest of whimpers. The warmth heats through the fabric of your sweat pants. Placing his body weight on you, he lays flat against you. Fiddling with your own shorts, pulling them just under the cusps of your ass. Pulling your panties to the side so your ass was exposed to him he let out a groan. Seeing the plump flesh has him in a trance. His hand still firmly gripping your face, he hikes your head up. Your eyes looking directly in the mirror, the room is dark as midnight, the soft moonlight catches his eye. Shining in a demonic way, he was up to no good, and here you were refusing to fight him off. The struggle of him on top of you did nothing but make your mouth moist, your body on fire.

“Look at you, taking it.” Your eyes squint, looking off to the side, too ashamed to admit you were getting off at this. Your cunt grows slicker by the second, his smile predatory at best. He looks like a beast in the moonlights shadow, he is the darkness. The light in his eyes died a long time ago, you are almost certain of it. He smells of warmth, but his actions prove he is anything but. You are a stray sheep who got shoved into the lions den.

Pulling his other hand forward, letting his cock go it slaps against your ass. The weight of it has you wanted to smack your forehead against the floor so the lewd thoughts flooding your brain leave. With your head still cocked up, your eyes finally flicker over to him. Wolfish smile still on display, by the end of the night you are certain he’s going to swallow you whole.

“Spit.” He says, your face still squished, while his other hand is held in front of your puckered lips. Rolling your eyes you attempt to tuck your lips into your mouth. Staring him down through the mirror you watch as his smile grows deeper, just when you thought he couldn’t fuel your adrenaline high anymore, he proves you wrong.

“You know..” he grunts, putting more of his body weight on you, placing his head by yours so you both are side by side.

“I love them obedient, but you..” he whispers, with each word he speaks your eyes dance over his lips. Feeling his cock twitch with each word he pronunciates.

“You really are making it hard to be nice.” Your eyebrows furrowed together. You glare at him, trying to rip your head out of his hand.

“Nice?” You muffle out through squished cheeks. Your eyes practically bug out of your head at his outlandish remarks. Just as you are about to continue your sentence, his hand from your cheeks moves to your throat swiftly, the sudden pressure of his large hand in your throat takes you by surprise.

“Yea, nice.” He grits out..

“I should shove my cock down your throat til you learn how to speak to me.” He grits out, hips constantly rutting against your ass. Placing his elbow on the floor so his hand can remain wrapped around your throat. He pulls his hand back, grabbing his cock and smacking it against your ass. The squishy meat makes his hard member bounce back each time he smacks it down. Grabbing one of your ass cheeks in his hand, he roughly rolls it around his palm before giving it a hard smack. Your body jolts forward. Making you let out a choked out whimper. With each smack, he pulls the flesh of your ass, before letting it go and smacking it again. This goes on for what feels like forever, your ass welted, stinging each second. Your eyes fill with tears at the sensation.

“I’ll be good, I promise.” You squeak out, throat still held tightly. The tears poking your waterline make him groan in satisfaction. Pausing his movements he moves his hand to spread your ass cheeks far enough to see where you are leaking, your thighs are drowning in your arousal.

“I’m beginning to think you enjoyed that almost more than me.” He whispers in your ear, grabbing his cock, he coats it in some of your arousal before sliding into you. His large size punches your lungs. You let out a loud moan, eyes rolling in the back of your head. Your cunt accommodating the large stretch of him stings just right, your heightened arousal making him slide in easy. The warmness wrapped around him has him hissing. Biting his lip he ruts his hips a bit forward before pulling out of you completely. The loss of his heaviness inside of you has you whining. Slapping your ass once more you let out a cry, with his hand still firmly on your face. He eases the pressure, letting it go suddenly. Your head almost thumping against the floor.

“1…2…3..” he begins to count, that adrenaline rush clouds your best judgment, pulling his body weight off of you, he sits up, kneeling while balancing on the balls of his feet. Watching your figure as you are confused about what to do. Should you flee or lay there? Your eyes shift back and forth between him in the mirror.

“Go.” He whispers out, watching you scramble to your feet as your naked body takes charge through the house. The small sound of your feet thumping against the wooden floor can be heard in the small space, your panting as you begin to move, heart feeling like in mere seconds it’s going to explode out of your chest. The true race begins now. You run down the halls trying to find any and every door that will open. Realizing all the doors are shut. Kicking yourself you let out a small whimper, you can hear him in a distance getting closer to one hundred. You duck off into a small room far back, a small closet in the corner, a three piece couch in the middle of the room. The blinds to the windows are open, with the moonlight shining in, it makes such a beautiful scenery.

“98…99…100.�� He whispers, making sure to leave you on edge. As he stands, he dusts off his knees. Cock springing, hitting the bottom of his stomach with excitement. His feet begin to move quietly as he can easily tell where you are, as he has only left one door unlocked. The small study where he would watch your lives, and filter through all your social media. Letting his long legs lead the way, he can practically smell the scent you leave behind lingering in the hallway. With each quiet step he takes, the more his cock twitches on his thighs. He already had you in his trap, he wanted to play with you just a bit more before devouring you. As he steps outside of the room you are currently occupying, he grabs the handle jiggling it to give you a sign he’s arrived. As he steps in he feels the air thicken, he walks around the room, inspecting it from the side completely opposite from where you are currently hiding.

You watch from the closet as he walks around, hard cock firm in his hand. Each time the moonlight catches his eye, it mirrors off. The bright reflection practically blinding you. As he continues to stalk around the house you watch his every move. Barely being able to keep your eyes on his movements, to warped into the way he strokes himself. Firm hand around the base, twisting just to the tip, before sliding his hand back down. Letting his cock go a couple times, slapping it against his own stomach. The pre cum smearing against his smooth stomach, has your insides twisting, cunt clenching with each step he makes. Wanting to divert your eyes, you look down watching as your hand slowly lowers, two fingers pushing against your throbbing clit. You are soaked, the fabric of your panties is sopping wet. Your arousal sticks to you uncomfortably. Pushing them aside you let your fingers dance around on your clit, you let two fingers slowly slide inside of you. The feeling has you letting out a quiet gasp, biting your bottom lip, you attempt to pant as quietly as possible.

You look up only to realize he is gone. Nowhere in sight, pausing your fingers you wait a couple minutes. Fingers standing still in your cunt while you grind on them slowly. Not wanting to make too much noise. What you didn’t know was that the mirror was catching the reflection of you, you had left the closet door cracked open just a bit to much, while you were to busy grinding on yourself to almost completion, Yunho was right on the otherwise of the door, back completely against the wall, thumb rolling over the tip of his cock.

The closet wasn’t working for you, there was not enough room to get yourself to completion. You were right on the tip of orgasm but your hand was starting to cramp in the small area. Deciding that you had waited long enough and that if Yunho wanted to come out, he would’ve already done so.

Grabbing the knob you open it as quietly as possible. Pulling your other hand from your cunt, the stickiness runs down your thighs as you walk towards the couch. Plopping your body down, with youra back turned you completely face the mirror, you sink into the soft furniture. Burying your fingers back into your cunt, with your thumb stringing along your clit. The feeling begins to overwhelm you, your chest heaves with need, just as you crack your eyes open. You catch a glimpse of Yunho in the mirror, his pearly teeth shining in a wide smile. Letting out a loud moan. You try to pause your movements, fingers feeling like they are moving on their own. You lay your head on the arm of the couch. Tilting your head back slightly, watching as his figure flees into the dark depth of the house. As big as he is , he moves almost like he’s a feather, quiet, and as light as possible. He's stalking you, watching you like you are his prey. You are open, vulnerable, trying to out run him. You know he’s there, you can feel his crushing presence around, suffocating you. The feeling is almost overwhelming, it’s down right addicting. The house is eerily quiet, your low moans and whines fill the empty air. Fingers continue to pump into your wet walls, on the brink of riding your high. His deep eyes blend into the shadows, moving around as quietly as possible. He can’t help but grab his hard cock that’s leaking from the tip. Watching you stuff yourself full with your hand. Pulling himself from the shadows he makes his way quietly towards you, with your head tossed back on the arm of the chair. Eyes sealed shut with bliss, you miss the movements he’s doing. Prey that has been easily left to be eaten. Gripping your hand, his sudden intrusion stuns you, stopping your actions you slowly blink your eyes open at him, body thick with sweat. His eyes bore down at you, that wide grin never leaving his face, he was going to swallow you whole.

Bending down he pulls your hand from your cunt, the juices dripping from your fingertips as he gets lower, grabbing you he repositions your hips. Laying on the couch so he’s right in between your legs. Warm breath fanning your pussy, you buck your hips into his face. The juices brushes against his lower lip. Flicking his tongue out to catch your arousal on his skin, he’s locking eyes with you. With such a small gesture you know not to test his patience as he won’t let you get away as easily now, the chase is over. He has caught what he wants, and he’s going to drink you down.

Letting his tongue poke out, he licks a small stripe from your hole to your clit, letting the tip of his tongue rest against your throbbing clit. Letting out a weak cry, you arch once more.

“Please, please, please.” You chant over and over again like it’s a prayer. He has what you want, normally he’d play with his food a bit more but he was hungry, and tired of waiting.

Diving face first into your pussy, he rubs his tongue all over your clit, switching between sucking the swollen bud, and mopping up the fluids leaving your hole. Letting his nose bump against the bud, he rubs it back and forth making sure the point of his nose stimulates your clit with each swipe. You begin to feel your arousal and his saliva mix, dripping down to your asshole, the cool liquid has you letting out a hiss. Nose still bumping against your throbbing clit, your legs jump each nose swipe he does. Pausing for a split second to inhale your scent before diving back in, wrapping his soft lips around your clit, his long slender fingers make there way to your hole, index and middle fingers sliding in smoothly. As he is making his way through you the satisfaction of your pussy squelching around his fingers makes his cock jump against his lower belly, swiping at some of the cool fluid he coats his hand in, wrapping it around his cock.

Pumping himself to the same speed as your clit, making sure to match the same tempo. Your chest brings to heave. Toes beginning to curl, suckling on your clit, with his fingers working their way in and out of you, he coats his ring and pinky finger in more of the fluid clinging to your asshole before rubbing on it slowly. The new sensation has your body lurching forward. Gripping the sides of the couch you moan out his name, releasing his cock, he shoves you back down. Letting out a small groan at the loss of his hand, never easing up the suckling on your clit. Legs continue to buck around him.

“Pl-ple-please.” You stutter out as he slowly enters your asshole. Your mouth falling into a large O shape. Eyes fluttering in the back of your skull. The sight in front of him makes his cock jump, more precum leaking from him.

“What’s my name?” He muffles buried in your cunt. Biting your lip you helplessly whimper before answering him.

“Da-oh god, Daddy!” You shout before your legs buckle once more, cunt beginning to convulse around his fingers. Arching your back to the highest degree off of the couch. Your fingers cling to the fabric of the couch, his eyes practically turn black at the sight.

“Yeaaa…I’m your daddy.” He growls into your cunt, as your juices continue to shoot out in spurts. Some of it was too much to fit in his mouth. It drips down his chin, coating his chest. Pulling his fingers from your ass, the aftershock of the orgasm sneaks up on you, hips bucking once more against his face, juices smearing even more on his smooth skin. He pulls away, fingers still deep in your pussy. Letting his tongue flicker out against his lower lip, catching the fluid that is about to drip off. That signature smile is back. A chill runs through your body, one of fright, the other feeling just how actually cold it was in there now that your adrenaline rush has worn off.

“Can’t let anything go to waste now, can I?” He says, asking you such a rhetorical question, your eyes following his every moment. His fingers twitch inside of you, letting out a low mewl at the overstimulation. Pulling his fingers slowly from your cunt, more juices rush out. Coating the couch beneath you. You watch as he slowly licks all the juice off his fingers, before moving them to your mouth. Opening, you take his long fingers in, sucking your own juices off of them. With a relieved sigh leaving your throat, it satisfies him beyond compare. Pulling them out of your mouth, he gets off of the couch, his own cum staining his lower stomach.

“Let’s get you all cleaned up.” He whispers out, sticking two fingers on his skin to swipe off some of his cum before bringing them to your mouth. Opening you take his fingers in once more, humming around his fingers at the slight bitter taste. His eyes twinkle with satisfaction. Letting out a deep groan, he helps you stand. You both make your way to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Your obedience begins to make his cock come back to life once more. Eyes growing darker as you walk in front of him, leading the way like you own the place.

As you both make your way back to the room you had been in you cozy up to the side of his body. His freshly cleaned chest warms your cheek. Body slowly falling into a deep slumber as he rubs small circles on your back. Letting out a happy sigh, as he feels he finally has broke you. Letting his own eyes fall heavy, he drifts off for a couple of hours. The feeling of your warm body slipping from him. Cracking his eyes slightly he sees your figure fleeing slowly, watching you move around silently as you try the lock on the door to the room. Letting out a small click of his tongue, making your body halt in its actions. Sitting up slightly, placing his face on the palm of his hand. He watches as you tremble like a leaf. Body jittering with a billion nerves, leaning your head against the door. You are trapped, there will never be any escaping this man. Dropping the bent paper clips you walk back to the bed, head down in shame. His eyes light up at your destroyed figure. Watching you climb back into the bed. You pull the blankets over your body. Letting a quiet sigh escape your throat. Squeezing your eyes shut you try your best to drift off back into a slumber. As your body begins to grow heavy you feel the mattress shift. Slowly lowering his body weight on you, the grogginess of sleep still slumbers well within your bones. Moving slightly you feel your wrists jerk up, almost as if they are being pulled closer to the bed frame. Trying to blink yourself out of your tired state you try to sit up only to realize your hands are being held, you attempt to yank them down from the cloth that has them pinned. Jerking hard once more you groan. Letting out a small sigh he leans his body off of you. The weight of him restraining you is no more, you watch his sleeping figure stand. Looking at the footboard of the bed your ankles are being held by pieces of ripped blanket that’s scattered across the bed. As you watch him unlock the door, leaving it wide open he leaves. For a split second you wiggle your body trying to loosen the tighten restraints on you. The fabric cuts into your skin, biting it with each movement. As the darkness pours in the room, the bright moon reflects in it, the snow from outdoors fueling the small light even more. You hear a loud thud, followed by loud scraping against the floor. As his wide stature fills the door frame you feel dread enter your veins. His eyes don’t leave your own for a second before he makes his way to the footboard. His presence has never seemed so hellish, were you being fooled by his boyish charms? Or had he always been this demonic that you were too warped into his devilish ways to notice? These last couple of days you had been dancing with the devil, but soon the performance he had put on for you was about to end.

He moves swiftly placing a wooden box between your feet that are tied to the bed. He leaves the room, coming back with a sledge hammer. That darkness in his eyes never leaves, the pits of evil continue to rise in every breath he takes.

“You won’t be able to go anywhere.” He says, gripping the sledge hammer with both hands. Before raising it in the air.

“I’ll make sure of it.”

Taglist: @mingisprincesss @sanhwalvr @walkingtravesty97 @crazylittlebisexual @sheilogreen @ateezmakesmehappy @miyaluvvsyou @wisejudgedragonhairdo @star-wingz @ririnnie @ihaveaproblem98 @raindropsondragons @hongjoongsprincess @radskaddattle @suzukialice16 @a-tiny-thing @arilevenatz @multistanisms @demonlineswhore @dij-ology @yyaurii @sousydive @itza-meee @ana-stasssiaaa @pansexual-and-eating-pancakes @yunyunrin @jjoongstar @kyeos4ng@peach-bearies @bitchwhytho @spooo00oky @hey-im-charisma @tearfulsparks78 @metalheadatiny @apriecotte @aurorajoye @lola-horore-553 @ayoo-bangtan @acetruepunk @tajannah-price1 @seungminsfavoritegirlll @monstacheol @pearltinyy

DO NOT REPOST.

618 notes · View notes

dilfismz · 4 months ago

Note

Hi! I’d like to request a Cho Sangwoo x Reader story where the reader is Sangwoo’s ex-fiancée/girlfriend. They broke up because the reader, who was in medical school at the time, couldn’t tolerate Sangwoo’s constant lying about his debts. Things got even worse when people harassed or attacked the reader, trying to find out Sangwoo’s whereabouts after he disappeared for days. Eventually, he showed up at her apartment, leading to their breakup.

Fast forward 8–10 years after the Squid Game, let’s say Gi-hun, Sangwoo, and Sae-byeok won and decided to split the money. Sangwoo brings his mom to the hospital for a doctor’s appointment and unexpectedly runs into the reader, who is now a doctor. However, the reader has been hiding a deep secret—they had a child with Sangwoo.

Feel free to continue the story however you like! Thank you so much!

Summary: The request. Lovers to strangers to lovers? Angsty...

A/N:...I may have gone a wee bit crazy though. This is so self-indulgent as I am currently a nursing student.

The scent of antiseptic and the constant hum of fluorescent lights were a familiar backdrop to your life. As a third-year medical student, you spent most of your waking hours in the hospital or hunched over textbooks, trying to cram for exams that never seemed to end. It wasn’t the life you had imagined when first entering medical school. But here you were, juggling the intense pressure of studies with a relationship that was beginning to feel increasingly strained.

Your fiancé, Cho Sangwoo, had once felt like the center of the world—his smile, his humor, the way he’d promise that everything was going to be okay. When you’d gotten engaged two years ago, it was meant to be the beginning of a future full of possibility. You had thought he was the one, your partner, someone who would help you navigate the challenges of your medical career. But somewhere along the way, the dynamic between you began to shift.

You weren’t blind to the signs. Sangwoo had always been a bit secretive, but you had chalked it up to his independent nature. It was only after their engagement that the truth began to surface.

There were the subtle things at first—he would mention something about “taking care of business” in a vague way whenever you asked about his day. There were late-night phone calls that he always took in another room, quick and hushed conversations you couldn’t make sense of. When you asked him about it, he’d smile that disarming smile and reassure you that everything was fine.

But everything wasn’t fine. Not by a long shot.

As you buried yourself in textbooks, trying to memorize anatomy and pharmacology, the stress of medical school took its toll. It was overwhelming, to say the least. Every moment you weren't in class or studying, you’d try to squeeze in time with Sangwoo, but even those moments felt off. He’d show up late for dinner, or sometimes he wouldn’t show up at all. When confronting him, he would offer flimsy excuses about work or personal matters he didn’t want to get into.

Then, there was the money.

You were in the middle of a grueling exam week, stress gnawing at you like a constant ache in the back of your mind. Barely having time to eat or sleep, and Sangwoo’s recent behavior only added to the growing tension in life. He hadn't been seen in two days, not a single text, not a call. This wasn’t the first time it had happened, but the silence felt different this time. It felt like something was off in a way you couldn’t ignore anymore.

Finally, as if summoned by your growing anxiety, Sangwoo walked through the door late at night. You were sitting on the couch, textbook spread out before you but hardly absorbed in the material. You were too tired, too distracted by the constant, gnawing feeling in your chest.

“You’re late,” you remark, glancing up. Your voice was tight, clipped.

Sangwoo paused in the doorway, his usual confident smile nowhere in sight. “I know, I’m sorry.”

You didn’t speak right away, eyes scanning him with suspicion. There was something about his appearance that wasn’t right—his posture was off, his clothes a bit too rumpled, like he’d been on the move for longer than he’d let on. It felt like he was hiding something, but you didn’t know what. Your stomach tightened.

“What’s going on, Sangwoo? You’ve been distant lately. I’ve tried calling, texting… you’ve been disappearing for days. And then, there’s the money.”

He stiffened at the mention of it, his face hardening into an unreadable mask.

“What do you mean, money?” he asked, though his voice had a slight edge to it.

“I found the credit card statements,” you said, voice shaking. “And the loan letters. You’re lying to me about something, and I can’t pretend I don’t see it anymore.”

His gaze flickered away, and for a moment, it looked like he might walk out. But instead, he crossed the room and sat down next to her, his shoulders sagging as if the weight of the world was pressing down on him.

“I didn’t want you to worry about it,” he began, his voice quieter than usual. “I’ve been handling some things. Financial stuff… complicated stuff. I didn’t want to drag you into it, okay? I swear, I’m not trying to hide anything from you. I just didn’t want you to feel… burdened.”

But that’s exactly what it felt like. A burden. You didn’t want to be naive anymore, didn’t want to be dragged deeper into whatever financial mess he was tangled up in. You had enough on your plate with school—you couldn’t afford to carry his problems too.

“You think I don’t feel burdened?” you countered, your voice rising slightly. “I’m in medical school, Sangwoo! I barely have time to breathe, and now I’m supposed to take on your debt, your lies—whatever it is you’re hiding from me?”

Sangwoo looked pained, his face a mixture of guilt and frustration. “I’m trying to fix it, okay? I’m trying to fix everything. I don’t want you to leave me.”

Your heart ached at the desperation in his voice, but the truth was, it wasn’t enough. The trust was broken, and the weight of his secrets had begun to sink into your bones.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” you whispered, eyes avoiding his. “I don’t know if I can be with someone who can’t be honest with me. Who keeps lying, who keeps disappearing… I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

Sangwoo didn’t say anything at first, but the silence between them grew unbearable. You could see the hurt in his eyes, but it didn’t change the fact that the cracks in the relationship had grown too deep to ignore.

“I need space,” you say your voice breaking as you stand up, pacing across the room. “I don’t think I can go on like this. I need to focus on my future, Sangwoo. I can’t keep waiting for you to fix yours.”

He didn’t move, just watched, his face a mask of hurt and confusion. You could see the wheels turning in his head, the helplessness creeping in as he realized you weren't going to back down.

“I love you,” he said quietly, almost pleading. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave me.”

But it wasn’t enough anymore. The lies had eroded everything. You had tried to look past them for too long. The cold truth settled in your chest, a painful realization that love alone wasn’t enough to hold everything together.

“I’m sorry, Sangwoo,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I can’t.”

Present Day—The Hospital

Eight months after their breakup, you had thrown yourself into your studies. It wasn’t just a distraction; it was survival. You had buried the pain beneath the weight of textbooks, medical journals, and clinical rotations. In the chaos of medical school, you had found a kind of focus that kept you from thinking about what had happened with Sangwoo.

And then, there he was.

You had just finished your morning rounds when you stepped into the hallway, clipboard in hand, ready to grab a quick cup of coffee from the lobby before diving back into work. But the moment you saw him, your stomach dropped. There he was—Cho Sangwoo—standing in front of the nurse’s station, his back to you as he spoke to one of the receptionists. The woman standing beside him was older, frailer than you remembered. It must have been his mother.

Sangwoo hadn’t noticed yet, and you stood rooted to the spot, heart racing. You could feel the weight of years of history between them—the unfinished conversations, the unhealed wounds.

And then, to your horror, his gaze shifted, and his eyes locked onto yours.

For a moment, neither of them moved.

“[Y/N]?” His voice was hesitant, the way it had been the last time he’d spoken your name. It felt like a ghost from the past.

Your body locked in place, heart pounding as though trying to escape your chest. You hadn’t expected this. No- you never expected to see him again. Not after everything that had happened. Not after how he had vanished from your life, how you had been forced to piece yourself back together.

Your hands instinctively tightened around the clipboard, knuckles turning white. Your mind was flooded with a thousand emotions, none of them good. The memories of the lies. The nights spent awake, wondering where he was. The way his promises had felt like a cruel joke. The unanswered texts. The debts that piled up in the corners of your lives.

Sangwoo’s appearance didn’t feel like fate. It felt like an assault. A disruption of the fragile peace you had worked so hard to cultivate.

Your gaze flickered to his face. He looked the same. His features had matured, sharpened by the years, but his eyes—those dark, intense eyes—still held the same familiar intensity that both haunted and captivated you in equal measure.

There was a moment of silence, a stretch of seconds that felt like hours. You could see the hesitation in his posture, the awkwardness of seeing someone you once shared everything with, now reduced to a stranger.

“Y-You…” His voice faltered, then regained its strength. “It’s really you.”

You took a deep breath, willing yourself to stay calm, to keep the layers of emotions locked tight behind a wall that was carefully constructed over the years. You swallowed hard, trying to steady the tremble in your hands.

“Yes,” you reply flatly, voice a little hoarser than intended. There was no warmth. No softness. Just the cold truth of the past, wrapped tightly in those two syllables. “It’s me.”

Sangwoo’s face twitched, a flicker of regret flashing across his features before he masked it, replacing it with a strained smile. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but hesitated.

And then, the elderly woman beside him, who had been quiet up until now, spoke.

“Are you two…” Her voice was slow, soft, a little raspy, but there was an undeniable kindness to it. “Were you two friends, dear?”

Sangwoo glanced at his mother quickly, his gaze flickering back to you. The shift in his demeanor was almost imperceptible—an instinctive protectiveness, maybe? As if trying to shield his mother from the discomfort of the situation.

“No, Mom,” he said gently, his voice oddly tender when he spoke to her. “We were… engaged. A long time ago. This is Y/N, remember?”

The word engaged echoed in the air, hanging there between them. You hadn’t realized how much it would sting to hear it again. To be reminded of the promise you had made to each other, a promise he had broken.

You felt your chest tighten but fought against the rush of emotion threatening to rise. You weren't that young, naïve girl anymore. The woman who had once believed in him, who had once imagined a future with him. That person was gone. She had to be.

“Oh,” his mother murmured, her gaze moving between you and Sangwoo with a faint glimmer of recognition. “It’s so good to see you again, dear. Sangwoo still talks about you often… about how happy he was. You were always so good to him.”

You glanced down, almost reflexively, avoiding the kindness in the woman’s words. The memories came rushing back again—memories of moments when your heart had been full of hope. But those moments had been built on lies, built on a foundation that had crumbled beneath your feet the moment you uncovered the truth.

“Thank you,” you said softly, though the words felt hollow, more for the woman than for yourself. She had meant well. She had always meant well. But she had no idea what had really been going on behind the scenes.

Sangwoo’s mother didn’t seem to notice the tension in the air. She smiled, a little sadly, and reached out to you with a hand that trembled slightly. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s been so many years, hasn’t it? I’m sure you’ve grown into someone amazing.”

You forced a tight smile, but the words caught in your throat. You have no idea was all you wanted to say. You have no idea what we went through. You have no idea what I went through. How I lost myself, how I thought I was going crazy, trying to find out where your son had gone, where his debts had gone, and why he was lying to me. How I cried, how I begged, for him to tell me the truth.

But you didn’t say any of that. You just nodded.

“Thank you,” you repeated, voice barely above a whisper.

The silence stretched again, more unbearable this time, and you found yourself wanting to escape—to run, to get away from this awkward moment, from these memories you had fought so hard to bury. But your feet felt glued to the ground as if your body were betraying you by refusing to move.

And then, Sangwoo spoke again, his voice quieter this time, almost hesitant.

“I know this is… unexpected,” he said, his eyes finally softening with something that might have been regret, might have been sorrow. “I know we… left things unresolved. But I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I was… dealing with things, things I couldn’t tell you at the time. I know I messed up. I know I hurt you more than I can ever apologize for, but—”

You shook your head, cutting him off before he could finish. You didn’t need to hear it. The apology. The excuses. The attempts to explain away the pain, to make everything okay again. Nothing could make it better. Nothing could take away the years of anxiety, the sleepless nights, the feeling of being betrayed by someone you had trusted with everything.

“You don’t have to say it,” you said, your voice cold, cutting through the warmth he was trying to offer. You took a step back, creating some space, though it felt more like an emotional distance than a physical one. “I know what happened. And I’ve moved on from it.”

Sangwoo didn’t reply immediately. He only stood there, his face unreadable, the sorrow in his eyes now fully visible. And for a moment, you felt something—a flicker of old emotion you thought had long been buried—aching beneath the surface. But you buried it again. You buried it deep.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again. “I should have done better. For both of us.”

But it wasn’t enough. It never would be.

With one last glance at his mother, who still looked at you with such hope and kindness, you forced a tight smile, though it felt like a lie. You didn’t look back at Sangwoo.

“I have to go,” you said, your voice even. “I’m sorry, but I really need to get back to work.”

And without another word, you turned, walking down the hallway with your heart racing in your chest.

Sangwoo stood there, his face still locked in that mixture of guilt and longing, watching your retreating form, as though waiting for something—an answer, a chance, something to heal the wound that still lingered between them.

But for you, there was nothing left to heal. Only the past. And the secret you had kept buried deep inside you for all these years.

You had just finished your last checkup of the day, the cold winter air biting at your face as you enter the parking lot, ready to go home.

You had just unlocked your car when you heard his voice from behind.

“Wait.”

You turned, clutching your bag tighter. Sangwoo stood a few feet away, his hands stuffed into his coat pockets. “I just… I didn’t want to let you leave without talking,” he said, his tone hesitant.

You raised an eyebrow. “I think we’ve done enough talking for one day.”

“Maybe,” he admitted, taking a cautious step forward. “But it feels like we didn’t say the right things.”

You hesitated, your fingers tightening around your car keys. The years apart had built walls between you, but the way he looked at you—like he still cared, still wanted to understand—made you pause.

“There’s a diner a couple blocks away,” you said finally. “If you’re serious about talking, we can do it there.”

A flicker of relief crossed his face. “Alright,” he said.

The diner was warm and inviting, a stark contrast to the crisp night air outside. The scent of freshly brewed coffee filled the space as you slid into a booth by the window.

You ordered tea, and Sangwoo asked for black coffee. For a few moments, silence stretched between you as you both settled in.

“This feels weird, doesn’t it?” he said, breaking the tension with a wry smile.

You chuckled softly, stirring sugar into the tea. “A little.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d agree to this,” he admitted.

“Neither was I.” You glanced at him over your mug. “But here we are.”

Sangwoo leaned back, studying you. “You seem… different. In a good way. More confident, I guess?”

You raised an eyebrow. “You’re saying I wasn’t confident before?”

“No!” he said quickly, then laughed at himself. “I just mean… you seem more sure of yourself now. Like you know exactly who you are.”

“Life does that to you,” you said, your voice soft.

You fall into a rhythm as you talk, the conversation flowing more easily than either of you had expected. You reminisced about old times, sharing stories and teasing each other like you used to.

“You remember that time you tried to teach me to drive a stickshift?” Sangwoo asked, grinning.

You groaned, covering your face. “Don’t remind me. You crashed into a mailbox!”

“And you laughed so hard you cried,” he added, his laughter infectious.

You both dissolved into laughter, the years of distance melting away for a moment.

However, as the night went on, the conversation turned more serious. Sangwoo shared bits and pieces about his life after you parted ways—the mistakes he’d made, the lessons he’d learned.

“I was angry back then,” he admitted, his gaze fixed on his coffee cup. “At myself, at the world… at you.”

You didn’t flinch, though his words stung. “I know. And I’m sorry for how things ended. I never wanted to hurt you.”

He looked up at her, his expression earnest. “I know that now. Back then, I didn’t want to see it. I thought if I blamed you, it would hurt less.”

“And did it?” you asked gently.

He shook his head. “No. Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.”

You reached across the table, fingers brushing his briefly before pulling back. “We both made mistakes, Sangwoo. But we’ve grown since then.”

Just as you were settling into a comfortable silence, your phone buzzed on the table. You glanced at the screen, and your face softened as you picked it up.

“Sorry, I need to take this,” you said, holding up a finger. “Won’t be long.”

Sangwoo nodded, but he couldn’t help watching as you answered the call.

“Hey, honey,” you said, voice warm and affectionate.

Sangwoo's chest tightened. He dropped his gaze to his coffee, his stomach churning. Of course, she’d moved on. Why wouldn’t she? It had been years.

“I miss you too,” you continued, tone light and teasing. “How was your day? Did you eat?”

Sangwoo’s grip on his mug tightened, a sinking feeling taking hold. He’d been foolish to think there was still something between you.

“Alright, I’ll be home soon,” you said, your voice soft. “I love you.”

You ended the call and set the phone down, only to find Sangwoo staring, his expression carefully blank.

“What?” you asked, tilting your head.

“Nothing,” he said quickly, forcing a smile. “Sounds like you’ve got someone waiting for you. I don’t want to keep you.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion. “Sangwoo…”

“It’s fine,” he said, cutting you off. “I’m happy for you. Really. You deserve to be happy.”

Realization dawned on your face, and you couldn’t help but laugh softly. “Oh no, you’ve got it all wrong.”

He frowned, caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

“That wasn’t my husband,” you said, tone laced with amusement.

He blinked. “It wasn’t?”

You shook your head, your smile softening. “That was my son.”

The words hung in the air, and Sangwoo’s heart stopped. “Your… son?”

“Yes,” you said, voice steady. “Our son.”

His world tilted, the weight of the words crashing over him. He stared at you, his mind racing.

“You’re serious?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You nodded, expression tender. “I found out I was pregnant not long after you left. I tried to tell you, but… well, things were complicated.”

Sangwoo leaned back, his hands trembling slightly. “Why didn’t you try harder?”

“I didn’t know if you wanted to hear from me,” you admitted. “And by the time I worked up the courage, you were gone.”

He pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to process everything. “What’s his name?”

“Eunwoo,” you said softly. “He’s five now. Smart, stubborn, and so full of energy. He reminds me of you in so many ways.”

Sangwoo swallowed hard, emotions swirling inside him—shock, guilt, and a flicker of hope.

“You’re not… with anyone?” he asked hesitantly.

You shook your head. “No. It’s just been me and Eunwoo.”

Relief flooded through him, followed by determination. “I want to meet him,” he said firmly. “Please, Y/N. Let me meet him.”

You studied him for a long moment before nodding. “Alright. But if you want to be in his life, you have to prove it. No running, no disappearing.”

“I won’t,” Sangwoo said, his voice filled with conviction. “I’m not going anywhere this time.”

For the first time in years, he felt like he had a purpose—a reason to stay, to fight, to rebuild what they’d lost.

#fluff #angst #lovers to strangers to lovers #cho sangwoo x reader #cho sang woo #park haesoo #squid game #yearning hours #pathetic men

295 notes · View notes

octoberautumnbox · 7 months ago

Text

Love in the Night Train

IZ*ONE/Soloist Jo Yuri & Male Reader

Word count: 1.5k

Categories/warnings: fluff, mentions of blood, unedited as all hell

a/n: happy yuri day!! :DDDD

~~~

You stir awake gracelessly; your eyes open to an innocent white ceiling that should blind you but doesn’t. You scarcely feel your body, let alone are able to move it beyond flimsy twitches in your fingers and toes. Your neck is sore in all the appropriate spots, as if moving your head too far in one direction will snap it right off. On top of everything, a weight on your chest hinders your ability to breathe in. No way you’re dead at least, but as the memories start coming back, you begin to gather that you may as well be.

Your back stings and prickles with every move you make, and it doesn’t take two guesses why. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, but that doesn’t mean you’re necessarily in a bind; you suppose that at this point you’ve gotten used to getting used to it. Instead of attending to everything you can as quick as possible, calm yourself back down, remind yourself that danger is far away from here, and that taking things slow sometimes is not a sin.

The weight shifts from your chest and off to the side, giving you a slight reprieve from the pressure. It hits the mattress with a thud and a slight bounce, but ultimately you know everything is alright. Take in the air a bit more this time, and try to move again.

“Ugh, morning. You awake yet?” Yuri clears the messy hair away from her face and rubs her eyes. She sighs from the bottom of her lungs, making sure to get everything from last night out of her system.

“Barely. I can’t fucking move, babe,” you reply with as much of a chuckle as you can manage, though it isn’t much. She giggles back and places her head on your chest again, this time in a more favorable spot. “You first?” you ask carefully, trying not to rush.

“Mmm, sure. Are you okay though?” She breathes in time with you, all the while tracing little circles on your chest. “I think you’re worse off than I am.”

The moment you try to reach for the salonpas, the stinging pain roars all over your back again. It sends you barreling back onto the mattress, but the split second is enough for Yuri to make out the damage.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” she pleads, “never mind. You first.”

Her movements are clunky and careless, dead giveaway to sore pairs of arms and legs. Despite this she soldiers on, and successfully reaches for the antiseptic on her side's end table. She prods at you gently to flip over, and it reveals two things: a back that looks like you kept a raccoon in your knapsack, and bedsheets right under where you were lying, formerly plain white.

She assesses the damage, and once the initial shock leaves her features it's replaced by guilt and what you could only call a mild horror. “It's that bad, huh?” you joke before planting your face onto the pillow.

“I'm sorry, babe, I got too caught up in it last night…” She spreads the antiseptic over her palm and counts, three, two, one, then the pain evolves from stinging to searing. You grimace into the pillow, sucking in what little air you could through your teeth, as Yuri mumbles tiny apologies while applying more of the medicine all over your back.

“Okay, okay, done. I'm sorry,” she says with finality, and prods you to lie right side up again. You find on her lips a small pout, and it's the most adorable thing; you're reminded how lucky you are to land a girl that cares this much for you.

“It's okay, as if I'd be mad about that,” and after sighing you finally make to get up. “Your turn.”

It's easier now, the pain once again evolving from searing to a polite coolness. The salonpas is miles closer within reach, and you tell Yuri, “Face down, love.”

She complies slowly, her joints and muscles still practically creaking with overuse. You peel a strip off the sheet and place it right where her shoulder meets her neck, then again for the other side. Pat them down to secure the adhesive, then move on to the next.

Her lower back, under her shoulder blades, the backs of her thighs–each under her request based on where she aches most. As you place each strip, you rediscover every single mark you left on her, most notably the ones on her neck and chest, which are only starting to go from red to a deep purple. It brings back fond memories, and as you hover over the ones nearby, she smiles and runs her fingers over them too.

“Help me hide these?”

“I think they suit you rather well,” you tease, and after another bout of shy giggles from her she lifts herself off the bed slowly. She clambers to a sitting position in front of you and nearly crashes into your embrace, and the sensation brings you both to reminisce about last night: you kiss the same spots where her little circular bruises sit, and she runs her fingers over each tiny scratch mark she left on your back. Her eyes wander over her handiwork, a tiny sense of pride rising from her chest, when she finds one particularly nasty ring of sore red skin on your neck.

“That one… looks bad,” she says, “I should maybe do something about that one.” She clambers some more onto her feet and scurries off to the bathroom before coming back clutching the med kit. “Hold still,” she commands, and she pulls out a dropper of antiseptic for what you can only surmise is a bite mark, and for how Yuri even more carefully brings the spout near your neck, you gather it looks much worse than it feels.

“I'm okay, babe, I'm–” before an inferno of stinging pain spreads outward from the spot the medicine dropped. Bolts of lightning travel all along your nerves, and it takes nearly a minute before it calms down like the rest of your wounds. Groans escape you the entire time, and Yuri's concern doesn't fade one bit.

“Are you okay?” she asks, hopeful that she's doing more good to make up for the apparent harm. She dabs a square piece of gauze onto one of the deeper marks her teeth left and, once she's sure it's dry, covers everything with a fresh square to stick in place. She masterfully applies each strip of tape, securing it with just the right amount, before she's finally satisfied with her treatment. “All better, Oppa?”

“Yes, thank you, Yuri. How come I didn't notice that one?” A wave of relief washes over her, then moves on to you–her feeling better about things is highly contagious.

Both of your attentions now land on the ruined bedsheet, and you start to notice the sheer amount of tiny bits of red scattered on your side. Yuri shoots you a look: “Help me change this?” and of course you oblige, partly because you feel guilty for having so much blood, but mostly because she's the kind of girl that puts magic into the mundane, as if she's the one that makes life worth living.

You less-than-gracefully heave yourself off the bed before pulling away the covers themselves. A quick trip to the closet and Yuri hands you two corners of a fresh new fitted sheet, this time with a more joyful beige color and a fluffier texture like wool. You pull the garters over the soft edges of her mattress, and once all the pillows and covers are thrown back in place, you crash back onto the bed with her, sighing with exertion for the unbelievably menial task.

“So,” you finally inquire after minutes of plain nothingness in her presence, “breakfast?”

“I don't wanna cook,” she whines, and yanks a pillow over her face. It's strange how cute she can be even without trying, more so when she does, and it's been lost to you a long time ago how to tell the difference. Wrap an arm around her waist, bring her close, find the warmth again that is Jo Yuri: stable yet novel and wild yet predictable.

“Me neither. Let's just get delivery.”

“What do we order?”

“What do you want?”

She stares into your eyes, confessing a million things with each passing moment: I love you, I don't want to get up, stay with me forever, I want to eat in bed, I'm not that hungry, my back hurts, you're my everything. Her chest rises and falls as she breathes, her pupils running over each of your features like memorizing every single thing about you.

She places a hand on your cheek, making sure you're real. The aches in her body are more proof than any pinch will ever be that she's awake, but that doesn't mean she's not in a dream. Yuri asks, “What are you thinking of?” in the quietest voice you've ever heard her make, and it melts the ice in your heart that you didn't even know was there.

“You. Always you.”

~~~

#girl group fluff #kpop fluff #izone fluff #jo yuri fluff #jo yuri #izone yuri #fic box

225 notes · View notes

wildsaltair · 5 months ago

Text

Stalking Tiger

Pairing: Maximus Decimus Meridius x reader

Rating: M (some non-descriptive spiciness, lots of angst and hurt/comfort)

Word Count: 8.6k

Author’s Note: It's time for some Spaniard adoration! This is actually part of a larger narrative (everything is the same except Maximus was single AU) in which reader is a slave sent to entertain Maximus in the gladiator school, but they end up falling madly in love and kind of living in agony day to day worrying that something will happen to the other. This is a really special story to me, and I hope y'all will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it :)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I fight Tigris of Gaul tomorrow,” Maximus whispers to you. His mouth is right beside your ear, his breath warm on the side of your neck.

His words register with you a moment later, and you stiffen as you consider the implications. Tigris of Gaul is the only undefeated champion in gladiator history, known for his brutality and ruthless efficiency at killing. The thought of your love facing him is frightening, no matter how capable you know he is.

You’ve been lying with your back against his front, his arm wrapped around your bare waist securely, but you shift to lie on your back so you can see his face.

He moves with you and props himself up on one elbow, looking down at you with such fondness that your heart nearly melts. He strokes your hair from your forehead with gentle fingertips, as if he’s forgotten the subject he just brought up.

“Tigris of Gaul?” you whisper back, knowing your eyes betray your concern. “They told you?”

He sighs softly, eyes tracing over your features with care. “Proximo warned me. He fears that it may be a trap from the Emperor. A way to ensure my death.”

You shudder. It’s no secret that the Emperor wants your lover dead, especially as his popularity among the people has grown.

And what would your life be without him? This Spaniard, this indomitable gladiator, has become your whole life. Months ago, you began as a stranger, a slave sent to entertain him for one night, but every time you look in his eyes, you see the love in your heart reflected in him. You are his hope, his peace, his joy, and he is everything to you.

He feels your shudder and draws you close, burying his face in the side of your neck while you wrap your arms around him. Neither of you needs words to communicate in moments like this.

He presses his lips tenderly to the side of your neck, once, twice, three times. His free hand touches your side and strokes your skin comfortingly, as if you were the one about to face possible death tomorrow.

“Are you afraid?” you breathe into his ear, gently stroking his bare back. His skin is so warm, so smooth between the scars.

He hesitates, just breathing against your skin, then his hand slowly slides up the side of your body. “I fear nothing,” he whispers, “except losing you.”

Tears well up in your eyes immediately at the sweetness in his words, the soft passion in his touch. His fingers trace the swell of your chest, the fragile length of your collarbone, the soft column of your throat. He is still nuzzling the side of your face with his nose, his eyelashes brushing your cheek.

These moments are treasures to your lonely heart — jewels you carry in your chest for the endless days when you are apart.

“Do you think Tigris will cheat?” you ask him softly, trying to think of how this fight might be rigged.

He kisses you again, with the pressure of a feather, just below your ear, and a tremble of pleasure runs through your body. “I am sure that the Emperor will have an added layer of danger to the fight. Single combat is too commonplace for an event such as this.”

He sighs when you drag your fingertips down his shoulder blades, tracing the faint notches in his spine. He dips his head so that his forehead is folded into the crook of your neck, his hand lowering to trace your curves again.

“You will win,” you assure him, though your heart pounds at the thought of him facing a battle already slanted against him. “You always win.”

His hand stops wandering and presses flat against your chest, directly over your heart. He can feel it pounding like a drum beneath his palm.

“I will win for you,” he murmurs, pressing his body more firmly against yours when you lay your hands flat on his back. “I will win if only to see you again.”

Again, tears rise in your eyes, threatening to choke any response you might have. He feels the emotion coiling in you somehow, wraps his arm around your waist to pull your bare body close against his. Your legs tangle with his, your arms hooking around his back so you can bury your head in his broad shoulder.

“Let me come watch,” you beg him quietly, already knowing the answer from many similar conversations.

He shakes his head vehemently, arms locked around you firmly. “No, my love,” he whispers. “I do not want to see what your master forces you to do, and I do not want you to see what mine forces me to do.”

“It’s different with you,” you insist, your voice breaking. “A thousand strangers see you fight every week.”

“You are not a stranger. And I would not have you see the side of me that has won me the favor of the people.”

You know the truth of his words, and in all honesty, you do not wish to see him fight. Despite your curiosity, the thought of seeing your beloved fighting for his life in an arena, facing insurmountable grotesque odds, while all around you people cheer for someone’s blood, makes you sick to your stomach. You know seeing him fight would only increase the fear you already feel for him every moment.

You kiss the base of his neck tenderly, and he responds as he always does: with a faint shiver and a sigh of pleasure. “I will honor your wish,” you promise. “But my heart will be with you every moment.”

“I know,” he breathes against your skin. “That is the thought that has carried me through many dark hours.”

Your designated time is close to being over, so you cling to each other with all the passion tethered in your hearts. Moments like these only serve to remind you of how easily all this happiness could vanish, of how fragile and dangerous such a love is. You are slaves, and your moments together can only last so long as the gods are merciful.

So you just hold each other, basking in the warmth of one another’s skin, and the steady beating of each other’s hearts, and the even cadence of each other’s breaths, perfectly in rhythm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A roar from the crowd. Deafening, then muted, then scattered, then horrified, then deafening again.

You are perched by the window of your room in your master’s house, your ear closely attuned to the sounds of the crowd in the arena several streets away. You would never violate your promise to Maximus and go to watch his match secretly, but you cannot help listening to the sounds of the crowd to ascertain how he is faring in the fight.

The crowd is chanting his name now, over and over like a refrain. He must be entering the arena.

Spaniard! Spaniard! Spaniard!

They scream his name, yell it like a battle cry. It is a chant, an anthem, a moniker for a fierce warrior and entertainer.

Only you know his true name. Maximus. Only you breathe and whisper and cry out his true name, night after night, cradled in his arms, in the intimacy of his bed, while he looks deep in your eyes and coaxes the sweetest pleasures from you.

And only you have the joy, the privilege of hearing your own name tumble from his lips again and again and again, night after night, when his head falls back and his eyes soften with pleasure and contentment while you thrill him with your own coaxing.

You have been imagining the match in your mind all day, wondering what will be awaiting him when he steps onto the sand. He is such a capable fighter, such an indomitable force, but every man has his limits. The Emperor, you know, will test each of them.

Another deafening shout, his name mingled with the screams of horror and fascination as the match resumes.

Your heart is pounding as loudly as you can imagine that it would if you were in the arena beside him.

You do not know when you will see him next — as far as you know, your master has not arranged for you and the other slaves to go back to Proximo’s gladiator school for at least another week — and you ache at the thought of having to wait that long to see him again. To hold him, to examine him for injuries, to whisper your love to him and feel his body pulsing with life.

You fear for him every day, but these days, the stakes are so much higher, the risks so much greater for both of you.

Another deafening roar shakes the whole street, and you pray silently to every god you have ever heard of that your love is still alive.

How long can this go on? This compassionate allowance to let you and the Spaniard share your love once a week or so? How long can you expect fate to be so kind, so merciful to let you find peace and surrender in his bed, in his loving arms, before one of you is ripped away forever?

Tears spring anew to your eyes at the thought. He could be killed, or seriously wounded and sent somewhere far away. You could be bought as a live-in lover or sent somewhere else permanently.

As it is, Maximus is the most successful gladiator in Proximo’s school and therefore the most likely to be allowed to have you continue coming to him on certain nights. You, on the other hand, have no such power, and your favor with the Spaniard can only last as long as he does.

But what would it matter? If he dies, all your hopes die with him. Your master can sell you as lion bait for all you care, if you have to live in a world without the comfort of your love’s embrace.

The crowd suddenly goes silent, and so does the beating of your heart. Your mind swims with the possibilities. Is he dead? Is Tigris dead? Has something even more unthinkable happened?

Your hands are clenched into fists, your eyes squeezed shut as you wait for something, anything, to give you a sign about what has happened.

The whole world seems to stand still as you wait.

And then, from several streets away, the arena erupts into cheers and screams: Spaniard! Spaniard! Spaniard!

And your heart sighs as you drop into a chair, suddenly exhausted from the strain of worry. The shouts continue to ring down the street, and people outside your window take up the shout as well, acclaiming Rome’s greatest hero since Caesar.

Spaniard! Spaniard! Spaniard!

All their shouts are drowned out by the beating of your heart and the relief that floods your mind.

He lives. He lives. He lives. And you will see him again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You are thoroughly shocked when a messenger from Proximo comes to you that night, requesting that your master send you to the gladiator school alone.

Your master’s look is skeptical and disapproving, but the weight of gold coins in the purse sent with the message prevents him from making any comments.

You slip through the front gate of the gladiator school in a matter of minutes, heart flying at the thought of what might be happening, why you could have been summoned here alone by Proximo himself.

You’ve heard what happened in the arena, of course. Everyone has been speaking of it all day. Maximus and Tigris of Gaul, evenly matched, fighting ferociously with swords and axes. Man-eating tigers leaping from hidden trapdoors, barely tethered by chains and swiping at the two fighters. The Spaniard, gaining the advantage and winning the match. Then defying the Emperor’s death command and sparing Tigris’ life, to the massive approval of the crowd.

Your heart swells with pride to think of it, as well as worry, as you slip into the main chamber of the gladiator school and wait for Proximo to appear.

Proximo is waiting for you, you discover, assessing you with cold eyes. “What is it that so fascinates him about you?” Proximo wonders aloud, scanning your body as thought he might find something everyone else has missed.

“He cares for nothing but you,” the gladiator trainer continues, pacing with a feigned air of casuality. “Every time I ask him what he wants as a reward for the fame and riches he brings me, he only asks for you. Over and over. Why?” Proximo’s question hangs in the air, weighty like a storm cloud.

You have no answer for him, of course, and he knows his questions are rhetorical. He waves his hand dismissively in the direction of the gladiators’ cells.

“Go to him,” he commands you with an odd air of defeat, as though you have somehow bested him by remaining a mystery. “He has won the day and the affection of the mob. Again. All he asked in return was for you to come to him tonight.”

Your heart soars as you fly through the hallway. The guard unlocks the cell door, and when the door clangs shut behind you, barely a moment passes before you have flung yourself into your love’s strong, welcoming arms.

Maximus holds you slightly off the ground for a moment, his face buried in your hair while he breathes you in. It’s when he exhales jerkily that you feel something wrong.

You pull back slightly, hands resting on his broad shoulders while he sets you back on your feet. “What’s wrong?” you ask, sensing his apprehension.

He shakes his head, gazing deep in your eyes as though he is amazed to see you. “I did not think Proximo would let you come,” he wonders, running his fingertips through your hair gently. “He must have been very pleased.”

“He was,” you confirm. “He said he was willing to offer you whatever you asked. And he was confused as to why you only care about me, instead of anything else he offers you.”

Your love’s brow crinkles into a frown at that. “He spoke with you?”

“Only for a moment. I think I puzzle him — he doesn’t understand what you see in me.”

Your words are light, teasing, but the Spaniard fixes you with a gaze that could melt steel. He tightens his hold around your waist, pulling you close so you can feel his every breath.

“Am I the only man with eyes to see you?” he wonders, leaning forward to press his lips lightly against your cheek. “Can it be true that no one else recognizes you for what you are?”

Your heart warms at his praises, because you know he means every word. Other men, including your master, see you as unimpressive, plain, suited for little more than gladiator entertainment. But to this man, this Spaniard who loves you so much more than his own life, you are a precious treasure whose every movement bewitches him.

You smile in return, and he lets his lips travel over your face — your jaw, cheeks, nose, chin. His tender affections are right in character for him, but you can’t shake your concern.

“Why did you ask for me tonight?” you ask cautiously, eyes closed as he kisses your forehead with the utmost tenderness. “You have never asked for me on a night when I was not already to be sent to you.”

He sighs, resting his lips against your forehead. For the first time, you realize that he is trembling slightly in your arms, as though nervous.

“I needed to be with you,” he says simply, dipping his head to rest in the curve of your neck.

His words worry you. Perhaps his fight with Tigris frightened him more than he is willing to admit aloud.

Wanting to comfort him, you stand on your toes and wrap both arms around his neck, stroking his back soothingly as he breathes into your shoulder. When his breath catches, a pained gasp escaping his throat, you freeze, afraid of hurting him.

“What is it?” you whisper, loosening your hold on him even as he cradles you in place.

He takes a deep breath to steady himself, shakes his head slightly. “It is nothing,” he assures you. He thinks for a moment, strokes your spine with his warm hands. “I just needed to have you near tonight.”

Still concerned, you put your hands on his chest and push a few inches between your bodies. Looking into his eyes seriously, you ask, “Are you hurt?”

He gives you a soft smile, fingers tracing patterns on the sides of your ribs. “I am all right,” he says vaguely, not answering your question the way you hoped.

Still, he does not protest or stop you when you pull out of his embrace and step to the side to look at his back, which seems to be the afflicted area based on the way he flinched at your touch.

When you finally see his injury, you cover your mouth with both hands, eyes filling with tears of horror, anger, and sorrow.

His back is razed with four long claw marks, stretching from his left shoulder blade to his right hip. His tunic, although clearly fresh, has soaked through with the blood, staining the fabric a deep red. A series of small cuts on the backs of his arms, neck, and spine betray more abuse at the hands of his opponent.

Tiger claws. Your love was clawed by a tiger in the arena today, in addition to nearly losing his life to a fierce opponent.

And he seeks your presence as his comfort, you remind yourself. You are his peace, his solace, his only joy.

Your heart swells at that thought, but it aches and weeps at the sight of his terrible wounds, at the pain he must be enduring even at this moment.

He turns to face you, his eyes shadowed but soft on your features. “Do not cry for me, my love,” he murmurs, brushing his fingertips over your cheeks to wipe away your tears.

You shake your head vehemently, pressing your lips together to keep from bursting out in emotion. “How can they do this to you?” you whisper harshly. “You have done nothing, yet they torture you with this terrible pain.”

“The pain is nothing,” he assures you with a gentle smile. “All I feared was that I might die without saying goodbye to you.”

Your heart breaks again, over and over, at the sincerity in his voice.

“You thought you would die?” you ask in a whisper, leaning in to his touch. He is still stroking the side of your face tenderly, but you are afraid to touch him again, to possibly worsen the pain you know he must be in.

He thinks for a moment, eyes trailing down to your lips. “I came closer to death today,” he finally admits in a quiet voice, “than at any other time in the arena.”

So that is the reason for this midnight visit, you realize. A narrow brush with death. The knowledge that he is not invincible. That he could have been killed by a stray swipe from a tiger. Perhaps his first real encounter with fear since he became a gladiator.

Eyes burning with more tears, you squeeze your eyelids shut and reach up to clasp his hand in yours. “I knew something was different about today,” you mutter. “I could sense it, even last night.”

He nods, still letting his eyes focus on your mouth as though afraid to meet your eyes. “The Emperor grows bolder,” he agrees. “More intentional.”

Again, your heart flips in your chest at that thought. The most powerful man in the Empire, with his sights set on death for the man you love.

“I am glad you called for me,” you whisper, opening your eyes to meet his gaze. “I want to share in everything with you — your joys, your sorrows, your fears, everything.”

The look he gives you is so sweet, so tender, so full of gratitude and adoration, that your heart melts again.

He doesn’t speak, just cups your jaw with his hand and pulls you close for a kiss. Not wanting to hurt him, you rest your hands lightly on the inside of his elbows, stroking your thumbs over the sensitive skin. He sighs into the kiss, lips moving gently against yours.

When he tilts his head to rest his forehead against yours, you whisper, “Are you in pain?”

He hesitates, then presses another soft kiss to your lips before answering. “Not unbearably,” he whispers back.

Which is as close to admitting his pain as he will ever get, you know. Knitting your brow in concern, you tilt your head back to look up into his eyes. The top of your head is level with his chin, and he smiles down at you with such fondness and love.

“Let me take care of you,” you request quietly, stroking the sides of his face. He closes his eyes and relaxes into your touch, sighing in pleasure at the contact.

“I did not bring you here for that,” he counters with the faintest smile, eyes still shut as he basks in your gentle touch. “I only wanted to be with you. Do not worry about the scratches; they will heal quickly. Proximo vowed that I would not have to fight again until next week to give them time to heal.”

His words hardly reassure you, and you slowly run your hands down to the sides of his neck. “Let me take care of you,” you repeat, gazing at him passionately. “I want to.”

Your lover opens his eyes, and his expression softens even further. You can sense in his manner that he did not intend for you to care for his wounds, but that he is grateful and pleased that you want to anyway.

“Do whatever you wish,” he murmurs, leaning in again to capture your lips in a gentle kiss, “so long as I am close to you.”

What love could ever be sweeter than the tenderness he feels for you, that in his moments of greatest fear and pain, he longs for your calming presence?

When your lips part, you step out of the circle of his arms, ready to begin your job of tending his wounds. You survey him carefully, looking for any injuries you may have missed when you threw yourself into his arms earlier.

There are a few small cuts on his face and a bruise forming under his right eye, but nothing particularly grievous. You notice a slice across the top of his left hand, but it has been crudely bandaged with a linen strip.

Meeting his intense gaze, you motion for him to take off his tunic so you can get a better look at the tiger’s claw marks on his back. Wordlessly, he does as you ask. Watching him undress is nothing new for you, but when his tunic is off, the damage to his skin is even more obvious. Your throat clenches when you see the deep cuts on his back.

“You will be scarred from this,” you whisper, hands hovering over his back but afraid to actually touch him for fear of increasing his pain.

He smiles softly over his shoulder at you. “I do not mind the scars,” he teases you, “so long as you are here to ease the pain.”

His body bears further evidence of the fight now that you can see his bare skin. Deep cuts on the backs of his arms and shoulders, and one shallow one running down his side. He’s covered in bruises as well, from his breastbone to his ribs. Every time he breathes, you sense the painful movement of his bruised skin.

Another wave of emotion strikes you at the sight of his wounds. Your hand still hovers over him, afraid to make full contact, and he turns his head to look at you.

A moment later, he turns fully and wraps you in his arms, clearly ignoring the pain it causes. You bury your face in his bare shoulder, blinking back tears.

“I cannot stand to see you like this,” you tell him, your heart breaking as you think of all the pain he has borne. “I cannot stand to see what they do to you.”

He lays his cheek against the top of your head, rocking you back and forth in his arms as if you were the one in need of comfort. “They can do nothing to me that I am not fitted by nature to bear,” he promises you in a soft voice, the one that you know is reserved only for you.

You do not bother trying to argue him out of that philosophy, choosing instead to rest your hands lightly against his waist. He does not flinch, but his muscles relax at your soft touch.

Several moments pass in that way, just holding one another close, enjoying the simple pleasure of sharing a quiet moment away from the rest of the world. Your times together are always so brief, so bittersweet, and your heart aches at the thought of having to leave him like this tonight.

I will make it worth it, you promise yourself. I will take away his pain, even if only for an hour.

Without a word, you lift your chin and look deep into the man’s eyes. He gazes back at you steadily, firmly, lovingly. His hands are feather-light on your waist.

Just as silently, the moment passes, and you take one of his warm hands in yours to lead him toward the bed. He follows you without a word, then sits on the edge of the bed when you indicate for him to do so.

His eyes widen in surprise, however, when you do not join him on the bed. Instead, you kneel down at his feet, between his legs, and lean forward to press your lips against his bare chest. Lightly, with the pressure of a breath, you kiss every bruise on his body — from his collar, to his breastbone, to his ribs, to his stomach. He breathes deep and slow while you trail your lips over his skin, never flinching as you take care not to press your kisses too hard.

When you have finished with his torso, you lean back on your heels and take his hands in yours. Still, he looks down at you with such wonder, such abject shock that you are paying these careful attentions to every inch of his weary body.

He nearly shivers when you press a kiss to the tops of his hands, then each of his fingers, riddled with cuts and callouses. All you want to do is shower him with the love you feel, the love you always worry you will never have another chance to express.

Over his palms, his wrists, his sensitive inner arms with pulsing veins, you continue kissing his skin with utter softness. He raises one hand to rest on the back of your head, tangling his fingers in your hair.

Sitting up on your knees, you push yourself to be at eye level with his chest. Another brief moment of eye contact, his gaze searing into yours as your souls communicate without words — I adore you, I lay my entire life at your feet, for the rest of my life I am yours.

Then you rest your hands on his thighs, leaning forward to press your lips and tongue to his neck, right where he is most sensitive.

He does exactly what you want him to do — he shudders from head to foot and draws a quick breath, overcome by the pleasurable sensation. His hand is still gripping the back of your head, and his fingers tighten ever so slightly in your hair.

You still intend to care for his wounds, but right now, all you want him to know is how much you love him, how much you desire to pleasure him the way he always pleasures you.

Passionately, your lips move against his neck, and your whisper is so soft you wonder if he will even hear it. “Show me where it hurts,” you request. “Show me where to touch.”

He is so vulnerable for you in this moment, his body bared to you and his eyes closed, head tilted back while you explore his neck with your lips and tongue. It’s the most intimate position he can be in, with you so close to his exposed throat and heart. No one else sees him this way: no one else has his trust the way you do.

One of your hands reaches up to rest against his chest, which rises and falls more quickly as his pulse accelerates. The faster he breathes, the warmer his skin grows, and you grip his leg more firmly with your other hand.

His own larger hand falls to grip yours there. “Touch me wherever you please,” he murmurs, breathless and shivery. You are thrilled by the way he responds to you, and you can sense that this is what he needs now — to take comfort in your touch, in your love.

“I will be careful,” you promise, nuzzling his neck while your free hand rubs circles on his chest.

He moans, the softest, sweetest sound you have ever heard in your life, and he whispers, “I am at your mercy, my love.”

And, indeed, he is.

You are careful, just as you promised you would be. He seems to finally let down his guard in front of you now, to stop covering up the pain. You can sense it in his ragged breathing, his flushed skin, his faint winces when he leans forward or back slightly.

Wanting to help him release his tension but also knowing he cannot lie back or rest against the wall, you go back to your kneeling position on the floor. While he takes a deep breath, you lean forward again and touch your lips to his stomach. The muscles there are tight, but he softens and relaxes when you press kisses in a trail lower, his hips moving in an involuntary response.

You’ve reached his lower abdomen, reveling in the warmth of his skin and the pressure of his hand on the back of your head, when he stops you.

“No,” he whispers, voice hoarse with strain. A thin sheen of sweat has broken over his skin, and his eyes are glassy as he looks down at you, breathless.

You rest a hand on his waist again, stopping immediately. “Did I hurt you?” you ask softly, heart aching at the thought.

He shakes his head and closes his eyes for a moment. “No,” he assures you. “It feels so good.”

You smile at that, leaning forward to kiss your way down his torso again, but he stops you a second time.

“Not that way,” he insists, and suddenly you realize what he means. He so rarely lets you get on your knees and pleasure him — just him — without regard for yourself. He much prefers for you to reach your pleasure together, both of you achieving rapture at the same time if you can. You’ve gotten into such a rhythm now that you can manage it nearly every time.

You want to ease his pain this way, to focus only on pleasuring him, but he won’t let you — not even when he’s throbbing and aching for you so badly. You should have known he wouldn’t.

“You can’t lie on your back,” you remind him gently, enveloped by the warmth of his gaze as he frames your face with both hands. “And if you straddle me, your cuts might open again. We need to be careful.”

He smiles back at you, stroking your hair. “We will,” he promises. “Stand up.”

You do as he asks, reminding yourself that you wanted to satisfy him tonight, and if this is really what he wants, you’ll give it to him. As always, you are struck by the selflessness of his gesture — he cannot stand the thought of simply using you for his pleasure if he cannot bring the same feeling to you.

He stays seated on the edge of the bed, but he pulls you close to him with his hands on your waist. Gently, and slowly so as not to inflame the scratches on his back, he lifts the hem of your shift and helps you tug it over your head.

Undressing you himself is one of his favorite parts of lovemaking, you’ve discovered. He delights in slowly uncovering your skin night after night, baring you himself, seeing your reaction to his first touch.

A moment later, his hands are gently pressing onto your bare body, gripping your hips to pull you forward. You finally understand what position he is angling for, and you climb onto his lap with his assistance.

And thus are your next moments spent. He drags his lips over every inch of your skin he can reach — your neck, shoulders, chest, collarbones. Every sensitive spot he has memorized, he attends with his tongue. His hands are tender on your lower back while he holds you in place, smiling into your skin each time you gasp and shiver at his touches.

When he finally pauses to take a breath, you seize your opportunity and do the same to him. He shudders in your arms, nearly comes undone for you when you lean forward, touching your body gently against his.

Every breath is in rhythm with each other, every movement perfectly in sync. While you press open-mouthed kisses to the curve between his neck and shoulder, he aligns your body right where he needs you, holding your waist with his strong hands.

He sets the rhythm, and you follow his lead while he moves you back and forth — always in control, even in this position. Sometimes he winces in pain or tenses when he pushes too hard, but he never stops his pace. He leans forward occasionally to kiss your lips or neck, and you let your hands wander over his broad shoulders, his heaving chest.

Unexpectedly, just as tension begins to coil in your belly, tears spring to your eyes. Even in the heat of passion, your lover looks up into your eyes with such sweetness, such tenderness.

Sometimes his eyes flutter shut when he gasps in pleasure, but he always opens them again, fixes his gaze on you while he makes love to you.

What could be sweeter than this? you wonder. To gaze deep into one another’s eyes while you pleasure each other?

There is no shame, no apathy, no indifference. There is only love in his eyes, sheer joy at being close to you, wrapped up in your limbs and heat and affections.

It’s true intimacy, you know, to have each other’s bodies memorized, and to still be content to look so deeply into each other’s eyes.

He reaches his release first, one arm tightening around your waist. He moans again, deep in his throat, and his head naturally falls back, eyes closed, lips parted. You drag your hands through his dark hair, swipe at the sweat on his temples.

He whispers your name, once, twice, three times, opens his eyes and looks deep into yours while he tenses and relaxes in rhythm with you.

You reach your own climax a moment later, encircled firmly by his strong arms, still moving in rhythm with his body, and you only have the strength to lean forward into his embrace, your head tucked into his neck, while you breathe his name over and over.

The moment is perfect, utterly perfect, in a way that only true lovers can experience.

You are still catching your breath when he dips his head against your shoulder, still breathing deep to recover from his intense release.

“I love you,” he murmurs passionately, “with all my heart and soul.”

You try to reply in kind, but his lovemaking has left you so breathless that you can barely make a sound.

But he isn’t finished. “I am yours,” he continues, lips brushing your neck as he speaks in a voice only meant for you. “All I am and ever will be is yours.”

“I know,” you finally manage to reply, breathless and soft.

“If ever I should die without saying goodbye to you,” he whispers against your throat, “know that I died loving you with my last breath, and that your name was the last word on my tongue, and that I will wait for an eternity until my soul meets yours in the afterlife.”

If you were not already overcome by emotion before, his impassioned confession brings you nearly to sobs. Carefully, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull his body fully against yours.

“My beloved,” you whisper, and he sighs softly at your endearment. “I have nothing to give you but my heart, and it has long been yours. My every heartbeat is for you alone.”

In the wake of your passion, sharing every breath and shiver in your close embrace, your feelings seem to spill over like a waterfall, and he kisses the base of your neck to hide his own surge of emotion.

“You are my only joy,” he tells you. “My only peace. My world is cruel and dark and brutal, but your light wraps around me and gives me something to live for.”

“And you,” you say tearfully, “are the sun in my sky. You are the first ray of morning and the last ray of evening. I have no light but you.”

He rests his forehead on your neck and breathes you in deeply. “I am yours,” he repeats, softly, like a prayer. “I am only yours for the rest of my life.”

Your response is to tighten your limbs around him and rest your head against his shoulder. No more words are needed, for you both can understand each other without speaking.

And in this silence, your lonely heart is comforted, his pain is eased, and your love is only sealed further by the sweet assurance you feel in each other’s arms.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

You know you only have an hour with him, so once both of you have caught your breath and taken your fill of each other’s soothing touches, you finally disentangle yourself from him and sit down beside him on the bed.

Just as you feared, the deep claw marks on his back have reopened after your passionate lovemaking, blood trickling down his back again.

“If I thought reopening wounds could be so enjoyable,” the man tells you teasingly, “I would ask to fight a tiger every day.”

You can sense that he’s covering up his pain with the teasing tone. He is shaken — far more shaken than you have ever seen him — but he’s trying to be strong for you.

Sitting beside and slightly behind him, you are kneeling on the bed. You didn’t bother putting your clothes back on, as both of you have become so comfortable with one another that it seems to make no difference, especially since you’ve just finished making love.

Biting back the wave of emotion that threatens to overtake your words, you give a sighed laugh. “You do not need to risk your life for my attention,” you say, only half-joking. “It is yours whether you are clawed or not.”

After a brief look around the room, you find the one courtesy the gladiator school has provided your injured lover: a bottle of liniment. Fetching it from the table, you fold yourself beside him on the bed.

“Face the wall,” you instruct him softly. “I will rub this into your scratches.”

He does just as you ask without hesitation, bracing himself with one hand against the wall. You can sense the tension in his strong frame, the effort it is taking to keep from betraying how much pain he is in.

Tendrils of blood are still running down his bare back, so you first wipe away the blood with the washrag on the table. He gasps at the first touch of your hands, then relaxes a bit at the relief.

“What was the purpose of giving you ointment,” you ask lightly, trying to distract him from the pain, “if your scratches are impossible for you to reach yourself?”

He relaxes a little more, a laugh shifting his position. “Perhaps they were counting on you to be my nurse,” he replies.

You only smile at his words, rubbing the liniment onto your fingertips and beginning to apply it to his skin. The tiger’s scratches are deep, ripping his skin from corner to corner. He tries to hide his reactions, but he can’t keep from jerking a quick breath anytime you press ointment into his cuts.

“Did anyone even look at your wounds?” you ask him, still trying to keep the conversation light but edging toward sensitive territory.

He breathes, deep and slow, before answering, his voice strained. “Yes,” he murmurs. “Proximo had them examine me after he saw how much I bled. The physician said he did not need to bandage me, so he just gave me the ointment to keep infection away.”

Another gentle press of your fingers, and he arches his back slightly in pain. You’ve only just finished tending the first scratch, shoulder to hip, so you pause and lean forward to press your lips to the back of his neck. He sighs contentedly.

As much as you despise Proximo’s gladiator school and its cruel treatment of your beloved, you take a small consolation in knowing that you are the one who gets to care for his wounds.

The thought of anyone else putting their hands on him, of anyone else seeing him undress and touching his body, is distressing to you. You know he is violated in so many other ways — forced into life-or-death situations every day in the arena — but you have always taken comfort in knowing that he does not suffer at others’ hands the way you do.

You push such thoughts from your head. Right now, all you care about is that he is yours, body and soul, and that he craves your gentle touch to ease his pain.

You resume your ministrations to his back, alternating between wiping away his blood and applying the thick ointment to his scratches. He works hard to hide any pain, your only indication being his white-knuckled grip on his thighs.

“Will you be able to sleep tonight?” you ask quietly. He usually sleeps on his back, but that will be impossible until his scratches are healed.

He just nods, clenching his teeth to keep from betraying his pain. You are rubbing ointment into the last of the four cuts, and you notice that he is trembling again, probably from the pain and the exertion of trying to hide that pain.

You finish as quickly as possible, then wipe away the last of the blood from his back. Eager to comfort him somehow, you lean forward and kiss him softly on the back of his right shoulder, where there are no scratches.

The shiver that runs down his spine, and the breathless moan he elicits, are like music to your ears.

“Are you all right?” you whisper, lips brushing his skin softly.

He draws another shaky breath, nods his head. “Yes,” he murmurs. “Thank you.”

You simply lay your cheek against the back of his shoulder. You long to wrap your arms around him, to hold him close to your body and share your warmth with him, but the scratches make that impossible.

Instead, you indicate for him to turn around again, and he does so, moving slowly so as not to irritate his scratches again. When he is facing you, you begin using the washrag on some of his other injuries.

“Proximo is sending you back into the arena next week?” you ask, dabbing at the cut running down the side of his ribs.

He winces slightly but does not make a sound. “Yes. The Emperor has called for another holiday, and I will be expected to fight in the games.”

You press your lips together. His eyes have fluttered shut, and his hands are still gripping his thighs, all from the pain of you tending his wounds. You can’t imagine him being ready to fight again in only a week.

You say as much to him. “It is as though Proximo does not care whether you can lift a sword or not.”

He smiles sardonically, eyes still closed. “I finished the fight today after being clawed by a tiger,” he says lightly. “He knows I will do whatever I must to stay alive.”

You are grateful that his eyes are closed, because you can’t suppress the worry and sorrow that cross your face at his words.

Every fight brings him closer to his inevitable death, a vicious slaughter to the shouts of a fickle mob.

You bite back tears that threaten to spill over, determined not to burden him with your own pain.

“Who will tend your wounds,” you ask, “if I am not here for the next week?”

He opens his eyes at that, gazes at you deeply, as if suddenly remembering that no fights mean no nights with you.

“I do not know,” he says quietly. “It does not matter.”

It matters to me, you think, but you just give him a sad smile and continue your ministrations. Delicately, you wash the bloodied cuts that form a lattice over his neck and collarbones, then swipe the cloth over his bruises. He winces again when you press the cloth against his chest, and you reach out your free hand to steady him.

“Is it too painful?” you whisper. Your heart breaks to see him like this.

But he shakes his head, biting back the pain and smiling tightly at you. “No,” he assures you as you set the cloth aside. “You have no idea how much it means simply to be with you.”

His gaze swallows you whole, wraps you in an embrace that warms your soul. He lifts one hand to stroke the side of your face fondly, and you lean your face into his touch.

“I do,” you tell him coyly, covering up the wellspring of emotion in your chest. “Did I not just remind you that you are my one joy? My only peace?”

He drags his fingers down your jaw, your throat, the swell of your chest. His eyes follow his fingertips, and goosebumps break out over every inch of skin he brushes. A shiver runs up your spine while he traces his fingertips on your lower abdomen gently, almost without thinking.

He looks up at you through hooded eyes, his lips pulled into a smirk. “You like that?” he teases, dragging one fingertip up the center of your body.

You can’t keep from shivering again, harder this time. The pleasure you just shared with him is still fresh, your skin still sensitive.

“You know I do,” you smile, arching your back. “I live for it.”

With a smile, he tilts his head to the side and continues tracing one finger over your most sensitive areas. He seems weary, you notice, especially after making love so passionately. His attentions are languid, curious, relaxed.

When his fingertips return to your face, tracing the shape of your lips, you raise your own hand and touch his chest lightly. His skin is still warm and flushed, and you press your palm gently over his heart.

It thunders under your hand. At the contact, his eyes close for the briefest moment, his lips parting, but he opens his eyes to fix you with a heated stare.

“It beats for you,” he breathes, swept up in the moment. “Only for you.”

He lifts a hand and presses it against yours, flat against his chest, while he just looks at you with all the love and passion within. Your own heart starts pounding wildly in response, and you impulsively reach for his other hand to press it against your chest.

You sit like that together for a few beautiful moments, just enjoying the familiar rhythm of one another’s heartbeats. One day his heart will stop beating, you remember unwillingly, and you’ll be left alone.

This is the burden of loving a gladiator: never being able to enjoy your time with him fully, because you always have that knowledge in the back of your head.

You push those thoughts aside again, determined to be strong for him the way he’s strong for you.

“It will not take long,” you murmur, leaning forward to press your lips against the corner of his mouth. “You will heal quickly.”

He hums in response, fingertips still tracing quiet patterns on your bare chest. “I will heal as quickly as I can so you can return.”

“Do not risk yourself only for that,” you warn him. “I would rather wait a bit longer than have you go into the arena too soon. You have to get your strength back first.”

“You are my strength.”

Your love bows his head then, resting it on the curve of your neck so he can breathe you in. Your hour is drawing to a close, and you are reminded once again that in his moments of greatest pain and fear, he only longed to be with you.

You can feel his warm breath on your neck, his hot skin burning against yours. The pain is catching up to him, you realize, and he needs to rest now. You know this, but your heart breaks at the thought of leaving him.

“I don’t want to go,” you whisper, tears filling your eyes once again.

He swallows hard, lifting his hand to cup your jaw. He’s still nuzzling your neck, as though basking in your warmth for the last time. “Beloved,” he whispers back, and his voice breaks, and you know that this time you have shared is different, more painful, more precious for both of you.

If only the rest of the world could see the Spaniard this way — completely vulnerable, intimately surrendered to the one he loves.

You trace careful fingertips over his shoulder, down his strong arm, then over his ribs, his waist, while he nestles his face against your neck. You wish you could hold him and comfort him all night, reassure him of your love every moment.

But the guard pounds on the door just then, signaling that your time is over.

He grips your jaw a little tighter, presses a soft kiss to your shoulder, then releases you. If the look in his eyes is anything to judge by, he feels the same bereavement at your parting that you do.

You dress in silence, motioning for him to stay on the bed and not aggravate his claw marks. He watches you thoughtfully, transfixed by every movement as you put your clothes back on.

“Will you send me word?” you ask him quickly, in a hushed voice. “If your injuries worsen, I mean? Or if anything happens?”

His smile is faint, pained, but grateful. “Yes.”

“And you will not rush Proximo to put you back in the arena? You will wait until you are healed?”

“I will.”

You’re dressed now, just lingering because you don’t want to go. The guard pounds the door a second time, but you just can’t tear yourself away.

Taking a quick step forward, you stand before your love, cradle his face in your hands. You press a kiss to his forehead, and when you straighten, he is looking up at you with the sweetest eyes you have ever seen.

His gaze is one of peace, and contentment, and adoration, and tenderness, and longing, and a thousand other soft emotions that he only shows to you.

He tilts his head to the side, kisses your inner wrist as you caress his face.

The door slams open, and the guard loudly informs you that your time is up, but Maximus just holds his lips against your wrist for one more moment, feeling your pulse as it races at his touch.

Then he is releasing you, and you are walking backwards to the door, and even as the door shuts, you can read the message in his eyes.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

More of my fanfiction if you're so inclined :)

#just in case anyone wants to know what's going through my mind at any given moment of the day #maximus my one true love the king of my heart the light of my life #he is everything plus everything to me #oh to be the one to care for his wounds #oh to be the one to reassure him of my love and bring him peace in such a terrible time #the way i love this man isn't normal #i hope that love is obvious in this fic :)#i certainly meant it as an ode to him #gladiator #maximus #maximus decimus meridius #gladiator 2000 #russell crowe #fanfiction #gladiator fanfiction #maximus x reader #maximus decimus meridius x reader #my fanfiction

162 notes · View notes

borderlinereminders · 1 year ago

Text

They left you on read, and now you feel like spiraling. So the question is, what do you do? I want to specify that for this post, I am talking about pre-established friendships.

First of all, stop and take a breath if you can. A lot of times, we have urges to spam message someone, or send messages asking if they still care about us, or even urges to be passive aggressive because we feel hurt. This can damage your relationships though. If you are struggling with urges, please read about Urge Surfing. The goal of urge surfing is to "ride the wave" of an urge. Another suggestion I have is to try some grounding exercises to pull yourself out.

In most cases, being left on read does not equal rejection, even though it can feel that way. The next thing to do is to find an alternate reason they might not be responding. Here is a list of possible reasons here, but keep in mind that there are numerous other reasons that are not on this list. People have downtime sometimes, but it doesn't mean they want to fill that downtime with talking to people. Even people who are important to them. And that's okay. It doesn't mean they care about you any less.

If you are feeling rejected, challenge those thoughts. I personally keep screenshots from my loved ones that tell me they love me that I can read back when I need a reminder. I also keep a list of things they've done that show me they love me. Here's a post on challenging thoughts.

The next thing I recommend doing is to focus on distraction. A really great skill for that is ACCEPTS. Here's a write up on that here.

Below the read more is some stuff for some long-term coping/communication. It can totally be skipped though if you were just looking to get through an immediate situation.

Sometimes, greater communication might be needed. While no one owes you unlimited access to them, it might be good to set up plans with people who may feel too drained to talk (possibly for days on end), or even friends that may open a notification and then get distracted and forget to reply (and no, this doesn't mean they don't care about you.)

In the first case, it's so valid to feel drained from talking to people. And while people are allowed to take space they need, sometimes it can be a lot for us if it's going on multiple days. It is possible to find compromise. For example, I have one friend who feels insecure if I go a few days without talking to them. For us, we've established a specific emoticon that I can send that says "Hey, it's not you at all. I just am not up to talking right now." I send the emoticon if it's going on a couple days because I don't want to leave them hanging.

For the second case, someone forgetting, in situations like this it might be good to establish beforehand what an acceptable amount of time is before you can send a follow up nudge. While my best friend and I talk a lot, sometimes she forgets to do stuff that we need for the business we run together. We've discussed that it's okay for me to nudge her once a day because she does genuinely forget.

There are also different rules for different friendships. For example, my best friend is allowed to absolutely spam me. The messages can be related or not. But we've established that it's okay if I'm not up to answering, and in this specific friendship, it doesn't drain me if she messages multiple times because there is no pressure on my end to respond.

Either way, it's okay to talk to your friends about situations like this. Is there an acceptable amount of time they're okay with you sending a follow up message? Is it okay if they aren't up to replying to your message, but have the energy to send you an emoticon or even a picture of their pet without responding to the actual message? (Sometimes I have the energy to share memes, or pet pics, but don't have the mental energy to answer a bigger question, and my friends know and are okay with me coming back to the question later while continuing on the conversation in other ways.) If they frequently go quiet because of their mental health, is there a compromise for both of you? Sometimes, it isn't even about our insecurity but that (especially with online friends) we may be concerned for their well-being and would like an indicator they're okay.

Remember that sometimes friendships aren't compatible, and it isn't a reflection on either of you. But if your friend isn't able to compromise and you feel constantly stressed/worried, then maybe the friendship isn't compatible. And that's okay! It's okay to need to walk away from a friendship even if someone hasn't actually done something "wrong."

A lot of my anxiety about being left on read went away as I worked on my own healing and coping. I used to make my life all about my relationships, and I'd feel lost if I was alone. It took me a long time for me to find an identity outside of other people, and it was so worth doing.

#my post #relationship advice

586 notes · View notes

petday · 9 months ago

Note

your art is so so so so inspiring to me which is strange bc my style isnt very similar to yours at all. but it makes me happy to see your art, especially when you make art from things from childhood id forgotten about💫💫💫💫💫🩷🩷🩷🩷

Thanks. Your message and similar messages from others over the years inspired me to try to put into words why I draw 'nostalgic things'. I ended up writing a lot.

There was a period of time when I became cynical about being seen as an 'artist who reminds people of childhood' or a 'nostalgic artist'. I no longer feel that way but I will explain why. Some artists, who I like and respect, will sometimes mention 'nostalgia holding artist's growth back' and 'nostalgia causes learned helplessness.' But I feel differently.

Maybe I perceive time differently. I have lived long enough to witness cycles of 'what is valued, and what is not valued' repeated. For example, I loved what is now called 'Y2K' style, but during mid 2000s, for whatever reason it was derided as something to be left in the past, something embarrassing. "Aren't we glad we optimized things now, and they are 'sleeker' and less complex? Old things were childish, an embarrassing weakness for humans, we must advance and reach our ideal evolution." That became the common attitude. I felt pressure to have the same thoughts. I just couldn't make myself feel that way no matter what, though. Even with the increasing threats about, 'keep up with others or you won't ever develop positive social relationships!' I couldn't change my mind.

(If what is currently valued becomes devalued and then it becomes valuable after that… that's an odd cycle to me. For example, if we like bananas, even when bananas cannot be harvested, we still like them even though they occupy a smaller space in our minds but we don't deride them. Going even further, though, I sometimes wonder if it is possible for humans to eventually remove the 'devaluation' stage, particularly in art 'trends' as I am an artist. Whatever is considered valuable remains valuable. A counter arguement would be, 'no, the devaluation of the previous thing is exactly what causes the next thing to be valued, and then the cycle flows beautifully: X was valued -> Y is valued, X is devalued -> Y is devalued, X becomes valuable again. If you want X to always remain valuable, just develop better patience. Like we cannot pick fruit we like all year, we cannot simply keep adding onto the pile of things we like, something has to be seen as inferior by the majority of humans.' I disagree. I might explain my thoughts against this argument more in the future.)

Anyway, what people call 'Y2K style' or 'art that emulates how things commonly appeared in early years of 2000s' is popular nowadays. Even someone who did not grow up with it can become attracted to it. That 'desire' itself is a communication between past and present. Something can make someone feel 'lighter' [in sense of, "wow, the crushing weight of my circumstance feels not so crushing when I look at this'] -- a similar 'light' to how someone in the past was perceiving it when it was the present and not the past. So, even though two people were born in different eras and may not become friends or even meet, they're still connected by that 'lighthearted' feeling they both like. I know it will be seen as 'lower value' soon, but I truly cannot care because as I mentioned earlier, I might perceive 'time' weirdly.

When I started playing video games, a family member would point out, 'those games were made before you were born, interesting!' but that statement confused me at the time since my perception was, 'well, if these games are from before I was born, I don't understand why she is bringing attention to it. Why is it interesting? It's just regular. They're alive in the present now, because I'm in the present and so are they.' That was when I was a very young child. I subconsciously kept the same feeling even as I was reaching teenage and adult years. The feeling echoed when people liked to ask the question 'why are you still playing games from long ago?' as I got older but still played the same 'old' games. The answer: they are beautiful and will remain beautiful, and something made in the past is still communicating in the present, so are they really truly 'outdated inferior games'...? Just because the cycle of valued and devalued happened to be in a different position and those old things were seen as an embarrassment? (Now there are popular games inspired by the era of games many people ridiculed me for consistently enjoying, lol. Similarly, I was using 'crappy' old versions of programs even through 2017. Now people from wealthy upbringing and background use 'crappy' programs willingly. lol)

The present talks to the past all the time, nostalgia is not a dead end. In that sense I cannot see nostalgia as a death trap but rather a connection made from past to present. A string between the past and present that feelings can crawl across and communicate. Feelings such as 'I wish my life took a different direction. I can't make things like how they were back then, it won't ever be the same again, so I'll do nothing.' The criticism of 'nostalgia' is towards that last sentence. But there are things you can do with those feelings. 'Doing nothing is boring. And I keep thinking of that fun drawing I saw... I kinda wanna try to make something.' Making something while thinking of the past and present at the same time, so there is a communication between past self and present self. Pure bitterness communicating with slightly light-hearted view, the 'end result' is artwork/creation.

*I used light-hearted feeling as example, but nostalgia can exist for any feeling, and not just for people who were nice when they were younger. If someone was cruel as a child/teenager, after the person has been an adult for a while, they can communicate with their younger self about what was it about the cruelty that was enjoyable, and then extract a small part from the cruelty that they wish to bring back into the present -- example, the attraction to 'high speed activities, playful mischievousness' can be extracted from 'hurting people on purpose so they will acknowledge/react to you'. The dialogue could be something like, "'honestly, you and I both know spamming people with bad things felt pretty fun at the time, so let's just keep the 'high energy mischievousness' feeling and leave behind the crap that hurt people deeply, and let's make an animation while thinking of that high energy feeling.

^ I don't answer questions or reply to messages often because of giving answers that aren't too long or too short is tough for me. lol. Thanks for liking my art. I like a lot of art that doesn't resemble mine as well. It's fun! Like appreciating different flavours in the same meal even if you cannot make the meal yourself.

189 notes · View notes

ynnie631 · 2 months ago

Text

I think most people forget that shifting literally has no rules or limitations. We're so stuck in the belief that we need instructions and guidelines for everything that we malfunction when something that seems to require it, basically has none.

Yada yada, method this method that, subliminal this subliminal that— dawg I'm telling you from my experience that I literally fucking shifted without even intending to. After giving up for like days on end, I literally shifted. A COUPLE OF TIMES, may I add.

And it all happened right after I take a break or give up, because I don't put so much pressure or expectation in myself.

Shifting is so natural to me, I'm basically in tune with it: I understand it so deeply, I know it like the back of my hand. But I don't try and complicate it, I don't have the energy for that.

Like please guys, literally telling you, if you want motivation like idk think of witnessing your doomed yaoi having pay gorn. Maybe even join them.

Girl you have the damn free will, shifting ain't gonna stop you. I am not ashamed to admit that I might shift to fucking nu carnival for shits and giggles. Or I might shift as a twink boy. Or I might shift to my oc's world. Or I might shift as a fucking pond like idk abt you but that shits mad and insane but its still like okay to shift as.

Like the possibilities are endless, and you're asking me if you're ALLOWED to shift to [insert media, etc.] babe if you wanna be a goddamn beetle, i wouldn't even question you, like just go shift my god

57 notes · View notes

rhenysz · 1 year ago

Text

Your dead eyes

Prologue

Summary: Lifeless eyes were what haunted you all your life, many people say that death was lurking around your eyes, maybe it's true. Maybe you just see things that other people don't.

Pairing: Azriel x Archeron!reader fem.

A/n: I'm very excited, I had this idea in my head for a year and it's finally going in the right direction. English is NOT my native language so I asked an AI for a little help, please if you see something wrong let me know! I'm also very insecure about this, I hope you can read it. Good reading.

*I kept switching between Y/n and You, I'm confused about what to use.*

Word count : 2.1k

Warnings: Nothing yet

The cold wind cut through the entire house; the windows, made of old and worn wood, could no longer contain the icy air. Each breath was held to alleviate the hunger sensation that coated your stomach.

Stay strong. That was all that echoed in your troubled mind as your dull eyes aimlessly wandered through the house. Yoir hands were clasped together, trying to gather as much warmth as possible near the fireplace where Nestha had seated her on a rickety chair with numbered days.

Your sister stood by yor side, posture resembling that of a true queen, a face sculpted in marble, pure disgust in her eyes for the man seated next to her. While Nesta displayed her discontent with their father, you preferred to pretend that his existence was null.

"Feyre." Elain's soft, hushed voice made her turn her head towards the sharp creak of the door. There was Feyre, the youngest of the three but older than you. "Where did you get this?" Hunger was so intense that Elain didn't even inquire about the blood covering her sister or the apparent fatigue on her face. Only pure interest.

"Where do you think I got it?" Her sharp words in her hoarse voice did nothing to diminish Elain's widened eyes, directed at the deer carcass in her arms.

"Will it take long for you to clean it?"Not her not Nestha, and certainly not Y/n – only Feyre. Taking a deep breath, you stood up, feeling for the chair and taking slow steps toward Feyre, but stopped upon hearing her father's rough and worn voice.

"Feyre, how lucky you were today to bring us such a feast." Nesta by her side only chuckled maliciously, as she did at any word that came out of the man's mouth. Pure scorn.

You extended your hands to find the worn table where Feyre had placed the deer. Feyre, your sweet Fey, straightened her back while casting a brief glance at Nesta and then focused her young and tired eyes on you.

"Hungry?" with pale and cracked lips, Feyre asked, a hint of a smile appearing. Your lifeless eyes sparkled for a second, your dry lips parting in a half-smile.

"And when am I not?" It should have sounded like a joke, but it wasn't. It was the reality. There were nights when you lay next to Feyre, praying to anyone who would listen, begging that tomorrow would be another day they'd go to sleep with full or at least not starving stomachs.

Feyre laughed humorlessly at the miserable situation they found themselves in; her little sister didn't deserve to live with the uncertainty of tomorrow – whether they would go hungry or cold.

Pressing your lips together, you reached out to Feyre, who quickly grabbed your hands, bringing them to her face. Your warm and gentle hands traced the contour of her lips, feeling the cracks, moving to her forehead, running her thumbs there and applying gentle pressure to her temples. Feyre nestled her face in your warm hands and let out a relieved sigh; Y/n had magical hands.

"Come on, Feyre, you need to rest." You was concerned for your older sister. Even though you couldn't help Feyre with hunting, you tried to provide relief in other ways. Silly as it may be, at the end of the day, the moment Feyre looked forward to the most was when Y/n would gift her with your those sweet hands – be it on her shoulders, back, or neck. Anything was wonderful for her tense muscles.

Feyre let out a long sigh she didn't know she was holding and, with tenderness, kissed the palms of your hands to move them away from your face, already missing your sister's touch. "Later, we need to eat." Feyre looked around and frowned. "Where's the firewood?".

You mumbled in discontent, letting your arms fall to your sides. You turned your head shyly in another direction because, even without seeing, you could feel Feyre's questioning eyes. "I tried to make her chop wood, but…"

Nesta, who was cleaning her nails, stopped and looked at both of them."I hate chopping wood. I always end up with splinters."

You shrugged with your older sister's voice. Nesta always missed the opportunity to stay silent. "Besides, Feyre, you're much better at it than I am."

Feyre gritted her teeth, making an unpleasant noise that assaulted your ears. Desperate to end the tension, you reached for Feyre's tattered clothes and pulled like a child trying to get their mother's attention."Tomorrow morning, I'll do it myself, Fey." You couldn't. It was easier for you to cut off your fingers than to hit the wood accurately, and both Feyre and Nesta knew that.

"No."

The voices of your older sisters were firm in denying you. Closing your eyes, you sighed. It has always been like that. Every time you offered to help with something around the house, you were turned down and scolded. You may be blind, but you were not defenseless, even though chopping wood may not be your strong suit.

"I'll chop, and you stay here." safe,Nesta wanted to continue, but the word got stuck in her throat, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. Since when did this cabin guarantee any safety?

Dinner was silent, only the noise of utensils and chewing, occasionally interrupted by Elain trying to start a conversation about how cold it was that morning or how nice it would be to have a new blanket to ward off the cold winds.

When dinner was over, Feyre delicately took your arm and led her to the room they shared, seating her on the bed while changing her ragged clothes for potentially cleaner ones.

"How is my drawer?" With your head tilted, your voice cut through the silence with the question. When it was just the two of them alone, it was easier; there were no constant quarrels between Feyre and Nesta, and, as cruel as it may be, there was no Elain. It was just the two of them in their little happy world.Feyre threw herself on the bed next to you, releasing the air from her lungs, and turned her face to admire her sister's gentle profile.

"Missing ink to finish." Feyre then looked at the drawer and described it with the utmost care so that her sister could visualize it. "There are two spirals in white, one descending and one ascending on opposite sides, looking like smoke perhaps. Also, there are two stars on each side with some smaller ones around."

The younger one hummed in agreement and opened the blanket to lie down, making room for Feyre to lie down too. Facing each others you felt safe, the love they had for each other creating a warm and cozy atmosphere even with the wind making the roof tiles roar.Running your tongue over your lips and trembling your eyes, you timidly asked, "And me? How am I?"

Opening a wide smile, Feyre pulled you into her arms and showered your head with several joyous kisses, eliciting laughter from the younger one. "You look wonderful, Y/n."

In the best of words, at least for Feyre, Y/n was gentle, not a naive and immature gentleness, but a softness that made her seem wise and older. Someone she could whisper her secrets to, tell jokes in her ear that were often so bad they made them laugh until their stomachs hurt, and then warm up in the cozy embrace of her little sister.

"Turn around." Y/n lightly pushed Feyre's shoulder, indicating she should let her go. Groaning, Feyre accepted defeat and did as her sister requested. Massage time.Sitting on the bed, your hands pressed on Feyre's shoulders, easing the tense muscles.

Feyre murmured, "Oh my..." You chuckled quietly, proud to offer your sister a bit of relief. Then, still somewhat distracted, Feyre muttered again, "I killed a wolf."

Your hand recoiled, and her dull eyes widened.

"You what?"

The next morning, Feyre and the other sisters had already left for the village with the wolf's leather to sell, while you stayed home with your father.

"How about gloves?" Feyre asked, singing with bright eyes, like a little puppy.

"No. I want nothing for myself. Go and buy yourself something and please," You exhaled and squeezed between your eyes, "don't let Elain sway you with her complaints."

Feyre's shoulders slumped in defeat, and she nodded, but soon verbalized her response for you to understand."Alright... no gloves then."

The day passed painfully slowly with no one to entertain her. Your father was not the most suitable for such a task and seemed content to sit by the fireplace with the wood Nesta had chopped, after much fuss.Despite all her strong personality, Nesta was great for you, in her own way, but she was a great older sister for you.

The day passed slowly . Your sisters returned in the early evening, and despite all of Y/n protests and grumbles, Feyre gifted her with a small object.

"A hairpin?" You asked with a faltering voice. "Fey..." a pout formed on your lips, and your eyebrows furrowed.

"It was cheap! And I couldn't resist; it was calling to me and saying so enchantingly," Feyre held her sister's face and continued with a laugh, "take me, take me, I would look beautiful in your sister's hair. Convincing, isn't it?"

"Not at all."

Feyre threw your head back and laughed."Well, I thought so. Now stay still for me."

Wrinkling her nose at the veiled order, you obeyed your sister. You disjointed thoughts ceased as you felt Feyre's fingers pulling a strand of your hair and securing it with the hairpin. "A little snowflake lost in your golden curls."

The rest of the afternoon went well, or well enough for another normal day. Y/n spent most of the time with Nesta, listening to your older sister murmur the same story from her old and worn-out book for the umpteenth time.

At dinner, Feyre joined you at the table, enjoying her warm presence and casual conversations.

A deafening roar cut through the conversations, and the sound of the door being brutally ripped off its hinges made your bones tremble along with the walls of the house. Fear flooded you in a petrifying way, turning you legs into jelly.

"ASSASSINS!"

The creature's voice dripped with cruelty and rage. Slim hands grabbed your shoulders and pushed your body toward the wall opposite the voice. Elain crouched with you, holding you in her chest, pressing your ears protectively to muffle the voices.

Being blind was never something you resented; there was no reason to lament something nature decided before was born. But in that moment, in that peculiar situation you found herself in, all you wanted to do was see. See who was directing such anger at your sister, see Feyre's bravery confronting something immensely more powerful than her, and see the exact moment your other half was taken away from you.

You shouted for your sister, shouted until yor voice became hoarse and worn out, shouted until you succumbed to exhaustion, and when you had no more strength, you lamented being the only one who remembered your sister.

Time was relative with Feyre's absence. Some days passed quickly with a good pastime, while others dragged painfully. There were also days when neither happened, and those were the worst.

On those days, you could hear Elain babbling throughout the house about her engagement, Nesta commanding the house – no longer falling apart – like a general, and, worst of all, you could hear the damn noise of that fancy cane you got from your older sister.

"I don't need this." Nesta frowned at the denial, considering it childish.

"Others will ask, and I don't want anyone looking at us like we're animals because you're clinging to the walls to walk," though her words were cruel, Nesta stood firm in her point.

You pressed your lips into a thin line, you fists clenched the white silk dress that adorned your body, baring your teeth like an animal, you snarled, "I'll use it outside. Inside, I refuse."

It didn't happen. You was indirectly forced to use that piece of wood inside the house as well. The servants whispered malice when they saw you hitting the new furniture; the number of bruises you gained while trying to memorize the house left you worse than a bruised tomato, and you didn't want others to think you suffered abuse from your's sisters.

In addition to the obvious discontent with the cane, you also hated the balls; that's where most comments about her condition happened. It was so funny and miserable how men and women made remarks about your blindness.

A compliment that quickly came with a false pity for you, and you unfortunate disability – "It's truly a shame such a beautiful face is wasted."

Hypocrites.

You would bet a finger that those who judged you were as horrible as the monsters Feyre invented for you.

Feyre...

#azriel x reader #acotar x reader #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #feyre archeron #nestha archeron #elain archeron #fluff #angst #eventual smut #eventual romance #azriel #azriel x y/n #~rhenysz #Archeron!reader #nesta archeron

420 notes · View notes