#i am spending my time usefully

[mono-socke]

hint to the new animatic i just uploaded

[prokopetz]

In recent posts I've complained that a lot of tabletop RPGs which toss around the term "fiction first" don't actually understand what it means, and I've been asked to expand on that complaint. So:

In my experience, there are two ways that game texts which want to position themselves as "fiction first" trip themselves up, one obvious and one subtle.

The first and more obvious pitfall is treating "fiction first" as an abstract ideology. They're using "fiction first" as a synonym for "story over rules" in a way that calls back to the role-playing-versus-roll-playing discourse of the early 2000s. The trouble is, now as then, nobody can usefully explain what "story over rules" actually entails. At best, they land on a definition of "fiction first" that talks about the GM's right to ignore the rules to better serve the story, which is no kind of definition at all – it's just putting a funny hat on the Rule Zero fallacy and trying to pass it off as some sort of totalising ideology of play.

A more useful way of defining "fiction first" play is to think of it not in terms of whether you engage with the rules at all, but in terms of when they're invoked: specifically, as a question of order of operations.

Suppose, for example, that you're playing Dungeons & Dragons, and you pick up the dice and say "I attack the dragon". Some critics would claim that no actual narrative has been established – that this is simply a bare invocation of game mechanics – but in fact we can infer a great deal: your character is going to approach the dragon, navigating any inclement terrain which lies between them, and attempt to kill the dragon using the weapon they're holding in their hand. The rules are so tightly bound to a particular set of narrative circumstances that simply invoking those rules lets us work backwards to determine what the context and stakes must be for that invocation of the rules to be sensical; this, broadly speaking, is what "rules first" looks like.

Conversely, let's say that your game of Dungeons & Dragons has confronted you with a pit blocking your path, and you want to make an Athletics check to cross it. At this point the GM is probably going to stop you and say, hold up, tell us what that looks like. Are you trying to jump across it? Are you trying to climb down one wall of the pit and up the other? Are you trying to tie a rope to the halfling and toss them to the other side? In other words, before you can pick up the dice, you need to have a little sidebar with the GM to hash out what the narrative context is, and to negotiate what can be achieved and what's at stake if you mess it up; this, broadly, is what "fiction first" looks like.

At this point I know some people are thinking "wait, hold on – both of those examples were from Dungeons & Dragons; are you saying that Dungeons & Dragons is both a rules-first game and a fiction-first game?" And yeah, I am. That's the second, more subtle place where game texts that talk about "fiction first" go astray: they talk about it as though being "fiction first" or "rules first" is something which is inherent to game systems as a whole.

This is not in fact true: being "fiction first" or "rules first" is something which describes particular invocations of the rules. In practice, only very simple games spend all of their time in one mode or the other; most will switch back and forth at need. Generally, most "traditional" RPGs (i.e., the direct descendants of Dungeons & Dragons and its various imitators) tend to operate in rules-first mode in combat and fiction-first mode out of it, though this is a simplification – when and how such mode-switching occurs can be quite complex.

Like any other design pattern, "fiction first" mechanics are a tool that's well suited for some jobs, and ill suited for others. Sometimes your rules are fine-grained enough that having an explicit negotiation and stakes-setting phase would just be adding extra steps. Sometimes you're using the outputs of the rules a narrative prompt, and having to pin the context down ahead of time would defeat the purpose. Fortunately, you don't have to commit yourself to one approach or the other; as long as your text is clear about how you're assuming a given set of rules toys will be used, you can switch modes as need dictates. However, you're not going to be capable of that kind of transparency if you're thinking in terms of "this a Fiction First™ game".

(Incidentally, this is why it can be hard to talk about "fiction first" with OSR fans if you're being dogmatic about fiction-first framing being an immutable feature of particular games. Since traditional RPGs tend to observe the above-described rules-first-in-combat, fiction-first-out-of-combat division, and OSR games tend to treat actually getting into a fight as a strategic failure state, a lot of OSR games spend most of their time in fiction-first mode. If you go up to an OSR fan and insist that D&D-style games can never be fiction-first, then attempt to define "fiction first" for them and proceed to describe how they usually play, they'll quite justifiably conclude that you have your head up your ass!)

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

(Ninira Nira for the oc trade I yell as I ma booed and removed form the stage for my unoriginality.)

Okay, serious answer is I’ve been trying to decide who to send you. Been rotating my elden ring character(s) lots recently but they’re very rough and complex to explain a vibe outside of a whack load of context. So I will compromise with a different fromsoft and hand u Gareth, my Bloodborne son.

He’s a Tomb Prospector for the Church, meaning he explores the old catacombs under the city for them in search of old artifacts and secrets pertaining to the Great Ones. He doesn’t feel much attachment to it. It’s a Job. However, the secrets he uncovers open his third eye (literally) so after a very extensive delve into the labyrinth his world gets flip turned upside down when he returns to the surface to find that he can now see the previously invisible Old Gods that are literally clinging to the buildings of Yharnam, and have been for a very long time. His weapon of choice is a kirk hammer, which is a sword that also attaches to a literal grave stone he wears around on his back transforming it into a massive hammer.

Bonus: he has a playlist for extra vibes! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1lNdxNK87l9jw9KC1X9e8u?si=F2WTAbIgSFWmAI6wIHoEhA

(Ninira Nira could be friends with ANY of my OCS, I'LL MAKE IT WORK FOR HER!!!) This took so long to respond to because I was sitting there staring at it for ages like, "WHO could chill with a guy like this?? He's too cool and I don't have anyone Gothic Horror enough to fuck with a Bloodborne setting."

And then I remembered my idiot sailing child.

Now, I'm making some presumptions here. I'm presuming that Gareth, spending his time so usefully down in the dark, probably isn't very chatty. I'm presuming that he's mabye a "put your head down and get your paycheck and try to ignore the weird fucking shit you see" sort of dude. I'm presuming that he's got a bit of gallows humor and a thick skin for jokes. And I am taking my dry-humored, stubborn-hearted, bit-of-a-bastard sailing kid Alex Sheffield, and I'm yeeting her directly into a fromsoft universe to say HOLY HELL, I think they could actually get shit done together.

In her canon universe, Alex ALSO found out that her ability to understand language also translated into being able to understand the big, sentient creatures that she recently discovered were real, and the understanding of them, uh. it fucked her up real good. So the solidarity of, "oh shit, I found out horrible beasts and gods are actually real through a sense of mine that I can't deny" would already be there. PLUS, her canon profession is playing merchant with...somewhat illicit or ill-gained goods, which I feel like slots in very nicely next to someone who goes around doing what is essentially mass grave digging. I'm saying they could have a business relationship. I'm saying it could be as lowkey antagonistic or at least punctuated by sarcastic back-and-forth as you want. I'm saying it would be VERY COOL TO EXPLORE.

Also? His playlist is named after an Of Monsters and Men song? Which is the core Vibe that I've worked into Alex's. You can't deny Music Solidarity there!!

[painfullymeta]

In my feels again, tumblr

Back in 2017 or so I wrote a story about anxiety. It was absolutely rooted in the political environment of the moment; it was absolutely rooted in the particular stresses of the moment for someone who passes for cishet and is not. It's about a closeted, neurodivergent (unspecified but he has enough echolalia to be a PITA to write) trans man who is being increasingly hemmed in by the misogynistic component of creeping fascism and is forced to choose whether or not he becomes himself or lets the world win.*

The world is full of choices, and they don't actually get less scary when the moment passes, because gods know those moments are still out there waiting for their chance (if life were made of moments, even now and then a bad one— but if life were only moments, then you'd never know you had one**) and I'm just me. (Am I not hot when I'm in my feelings?***)

Sunday I had a chance to talk with the trans kid who was a big chunk of inspiring my last big in my feels tumblr post and tell him his speech meant a lot to me, as someone who doesn't know what the fuck I am. And to tell him my Tradition has a canonically transmasc god, because it does, and even if he isn't pagan anymore, he's someone it's safe to say that to.

The teens give me life, yo. (Nonbinary kid at the coaster park stabbing into their ice cream cup with a spoon and yelling at their jimmies, "I CAME OUT, WHY WON'T YOU" will live rent-free in my brain forever. In the good way. In the best way.) One of my kids made me a nonbinary flag friendship bracelet. I love everyone in this bar never mind that none of y'all are old enough to drink there.

I spend a lot of pointless brain cycles worrying about how much of my life I'll blow up if I make more of a point of anything. Though at least being at "now accepting all major pronouns and thon" about it makes the casual human interaction a little less fraught. But I loop back around and through the petty anxiety about it all the time.

Anyway. That is all setup for the bit I am actually in my feels about.

I happened to glance at Discord and saw activity in a server for a meatspace social group. So I went to see what it was.

What it was, was a friend who is, as far as I know, cishet, posting this:

Which I suspect he did because a) it's June and b) one of the other folks there has Star Wars as a special interest.

I peered at it, and I peered at my anxiety, and I replied to say that in related content, one of my kids made me an enby-flag friendship bracelet.

Within less than a minute, that comment of mine had a thumbs up react from a cis gay friend who hadn't even been logged in at the time I said it and I am fuckin' verklempt ever since.

It's such a tiny thing, but I have such anxiety about my whole deal in my meatspace life y'all and here's this quiet in-person-person in-community support and it means the world to me and...

... anyway I flapped my hands incoherently at him in DMs because it fuckn mattered. (And I know he can parse "I am too autistic to words usefully here".)

Never underestimate the power of a well-placed thumbs up emoji.

We are more than we're made to be We got more than meets the eye When we stand strong, together you and me We can save the world ****

* "The Company Store" was published in Recognize Fascism, an anthology edited by Crystal M. Huff and released by World Weaver Press in 2020.

** Yeah I'm putting in the echolalia because I talked about Rory's origin story it's just gonna happen that way and also I am deep in Alexithymia Bros right now so I'm talking around my feels. That's from Into the Woods, by the way, "Moments in the Woods", by Sondheim and Lapine.

*** "I'm Just Ken", the Barbie Movie

**** "We Can Save the World", Blaseball: The Musical (The Deaths of Sebastian Telephone)

[sonalirichard]

🅰️🐼♥️🐼♥️🐼🅱️

Hello , Mr . Big B🌹

Are You sitting in your Golden Palace & You don"t know what to do ..⁉️

That"s the Dilemma , right❓

It means that the Moment has come & You need to spend your Free Time usefully ~ Take your Phone📱 & Text Me or Call Me now 🙏♥️ 🕉

Come On , have the Courage & Show Up , Mr . Planner‼️

I assure You ~ it will be Great & You will really like it ‼️✅👌

🔴🔴🔴 Read My Letter to You now , you know where 🙏

& Show Up , Write or Call 📲 me now ..

🟣🟣🟣 By the way , if I were living in a Luxurious Mansion like Yours right now ~ I would definitely find something to do , and I wouldn"t get bored of idleness‼️

💔💦💔💦💔Unfortunately ,

I DON"T HAVE A HOUSE or even a Roof over my head right now , only the Sky & the Stars are my Home today ... 🎆 🎇 ✨

I"m in touch now , and You can Call me anytime 🎶🙏

I"m waiting

for You 🕉 ...

Hugging 💋 kissing

Sonali 🐼

Sonu Nigam 🌹

"Kal Ho Naa Ho" 💔

Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi ...

Chaav hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop zindagi ...

Har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo ,

Jo hai sama ,

kal ho na ho ...

Chaahe jo tumhe poore dil se ...

Milta hai woh mushkil se ...

Aisa jo koi kahin hai

Bas wohi sabse hasin hai ...

Us haath ko tum thaam lo ,

Woh meherbaan kal ho na ho ...

Har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo ...

Jo hai sama kal ho na ho ...

Oh ~ Palko ke leke saaye ...

Paas koi jo aaye ...

Lakh sambhalo paagal dil ko ,

Dil dhadke hi jaaye .

Par sochlo is pal hai jo ...

Woh dastan kal ho na ho ...

Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi ...

Chaav hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop zindagi ...

Har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo ,

Jo hai sama kal ho na ho ...

Har pal yahan jee bhar jiyo ,

Jo hai sama kal ho na ho ... ♥️♥️

💚✈💜✈💜✈💚

My dearest , don"t sit in Depressive Mood anymore ...

Connect with me & I will change absolutely everything ‼️♥️‼️

C"mon Mr . Achiever &

Mr . Winner 🏆

I"am waiting for You 🅰️🅱️ ...

Your Sonali 💋

DAY 5939

Jalsa, Mumbai May 22, 2024 Wed 10:14 PM

And a statistical video ..

🪔 ,

May 23 .. birthday greetings to Ef AMIT Ladva from Ahmedabad ..❤️

all good wishes from the Ef family for this special day .. love 🌹

A day of nothingness .. pity .. nothingness brings nothing .. no desire, no effort, no routine , no discipline ... nothing .. it is the most wasteful exercise ever .. and they that lament its absence in their busy occupied lives , never ever fall for this trap of having nothing to do .. it is the most wasteful denominated degree in your existence ..

I speak for myself of course .. it may differ with others .. maybe they do need that moment when they be in 'nothingness' .. ad quite like it .. like it to the extent of being in it ever .. well bless you .. you are in the category of unique individuals .. !

There is actually a lot to do .. the riddance of excess be prime .. paper work that does not need the attention it deserves .. reading .. so much before thee, that it is frightens one .. where to begin and where to not .. which truly is contrary to the :

राह पकड़ तू एक चला चल, पा जाएगा मधुशाला .. catch but one path and travel on it .. thou shall find the House of Wine - the desired destination

.. the object of your projected mind ..

the normal usages of the factors obstructing the day doings , do appear in abundance .. but the will or the need to be in it to perform it does not come to the front .. and you lie around in this blanket of blankness .. uninterested uninvolved and deflated ..

heck the number of the DAY .. the date the location , month year , time .. the Calendar for the wishes for the special days .. the text as it forms without any preparation .. puch the first word in and the rest of it ,begins to magically flow along .. no stoppages, no barriers, nothing .. no nothingness in this .. none at all ..

But yes .. there has been a learning .. a learning for the next technical communication centre .. and with the help of them that excel in them to be able to do it .. yes do it .. myself ..

Apart from this there is immense reading to do .. the reading of scripts that lie by my side .. and to report to the concerned, my evaluation of whether it can have my involvement in it ..

And ..

yes .. tomorrow shall be that dedication on it ..

HAH .. !!

Famous last words .. tomorrow ..

It never comes and in all likelihood shall not come either ..

But no harm in addressing it ..

Keep well .. keep hydrated .. keep calm and cool ..

Amitabh Bachchan

and the Ef Moses, collects these details for my benefit

9 films of you. Till 1986 Incredible

[handwark]

The End of Civilization

Fifteen years have passed since I began spending a third of each month at my beachside house in Okinawa. I till the field and I ponder new ideas for creating things. In the intervals, I go down to the beach in front of my house to walk the dog and get a change of air. Such is my routine, but every time I go down, I am filled with a mixture of anger and sadness. Walking on the sandy beach, I enjoy picking up beautiful shells or pieces of coral, but more than shells and coral, what I find are large quantities of trash that has washed ashore. Sometimes, to my delight, I happen on an old glass float. But mostly, what I find is ugly plastic debris ... pieces of styrene foam, plastic bottle caps, detergent receptacles, cheap toys, and so on. Some of this trash is Japanese and some has drifted ashore from other Asian countries. Whenever I find it, I pick it up, but the next day I find more. Eventually I came up with the idea of collecting all this trash, sorting it by color, and creating something with it. I wanted people to know—so much trash washes ashore, I can fabricate things with it. The other day, when traveling, I had a chance to visit the beach at Yonaguni. While walking in the sand, I had the oddest feeling something was not right. Thrusting my hand into the sand, I scooped some up to inspect it and got a shock. Mixed in with the sand were countless particles of plastic, about the same size as the sand grains. It looked like a beautiful beach from afar, but this is what it had become. We human beings had done this. It was the end of civilization ... the thought struck me with real force. Although not Japanese, I have lived here more than 40 years. I remember Japan when it was still beautiful. If I can, I hope to live in this country the rest of my life. Which is why I want everyone to know—that Japan has gotten this dirty, that we need to clean up this trash, and how important it is to live without producing trash. This is an issue not only for Japan. It is something I would like to tell the whole world. As everyone perhaps knows, there is trash we can see and trash we cannot see. If either continues to grow, it will mean the end of civilization. The earth is also working hard to clean itself, but our collective efforts as individuals can go a long way towards cleaning up the environment. If I can do something to make people aware of this, now is the time to act. This, I feel strongly. Simply showing people all that ugly plastic trash may not get them to understand its actual horror. If so, then I will create something I think is beautiful, not just beautiful objects but something practical, able to serve people usefully once again. This is but a small act of resistance on my part, as someone who creates things for a living. To draw people’s attention to the great volumes of plastic trash. I consider this my last job in life.

- Jurgen Lehl

[greetingsfromgalaxyunique]

Time stress me out.

Just knowing that I only have 24 hours a day of which I spent more than half in bed or lazing around. Every day have homework to do and projects I need to keep in mind so I don't spend all my energy in homework and then there is also hygiene and eating 3 meals a day and traveling from one place to another. How the hell am I supposed to not stress when time keeps telling me another hour has past and I haven't spent it usefully....

Sometimes I get so stressed out that I eventually think 'oh enough time has passed and now it wont matter so I will just do nothing today I guess...'

Once in a while I just wish that the concept of time doesn't exist and essay deadlines wouldn't matter anymore and people couldn't say you were late anymore because how would they know? Time doesn't exist.

If only

[latenightbreezeinheaven]

I don't know what is happening with me but I've been in depression for no reason in these days. It's really funny because outsiders see my life as a perfect one and I'm not saying it's not perfect but clearly, it's not that perfect too. I have food to eat, roof to live and I don't have to do any hard work to earn money, my parents supply me more than enough, my education is also almost perfect but I just feel like I'm lost. I wanna interact with people but at the same time, I am afraid to be vulnerable and I find that as wasting my time. So, I decided to read books to spend my time usefully and then a few minutes later, I feel like I'm not in the mood to read. I don't feel as much interested as I was in doing my chores and my hobbies. I feel like something invisible is taking me from myself slowly and piece by piece and no one is really noticing this. I think this is all because of my weight and body though. However, I was really determined in earlier days and now I feel like I'm losing myselg gradually. Idk I just don't know how to explain this feeling but I wanna die and disappear into the other world. I'm sorry if this piece of shitty rant gave you negative energy but I just needed to rant. :(

[thedandeliongarden]

Well, I’ll certainly try that around foreign slogans next time.

I’m gonna skip the shit part because I don’t think a discussion about the nature of public forums or why “I’m not as bad as those other people” is usefully exactly relevant.

I don’t think that actuality qualifies as a joke. It’s a play on words that’s be done so often it’s an expression in its own right. Arguably it’s a joke if you’ve not seen it before but this is all semantics and a waste of both our time.

You’re going to try and earn a block… well y’see that’s going to be a struggle since you’re not a pornbot and you are actually maintaining some level of civility and discussion. But while arguably a better me would stop funnelling time into this and block some folk, I am not that me and hold out hope this can be productive.

This paragraph about my stances on the global rise in antisemitism is pretty typical for this thread in how it misrepresents my beliefs. Firstly, I know what goy means. Yet another assumption about my lack of knowledge (am I ignorant if the intricacies of jewish culture to any scholarly standard? yes. that doesn't mean I don't know literally the 3rd thing anyone ever learns). I don’t see the rising tide as an invitation. I think it’s abhorrent. My point is that there are serious underlying points that interplay with it and play a large role in why now. (Also a 50 year window “like clockwork”? that's a bit of a stretch, but since I'm arguing semantics here, I'll drop that)

The thing is I’m now at a point where I fully accept that my initial addition was unclear and rambly, and if you want to call that anti-semitic… sure, I’ll walk that bridge, I should’ve been more careful and I’m sorry for that. But we’re also be at a point where y’all know what I was trying to say and given how uncharitable the takes were… I don’t think working to explain can be considered doubling down on antisemitism. Even if I was a bit cross at the time and not understanding how you all misunderstood.

bullet point time!

1) you know what sure. It wasn’t meant as a derail, but I’ll accept that the rambling an imprecise nature of my reblog does make it that way and for that I am sorry

2) yes actually, you’re correct. That is antisemitism and it is a position I used to hold. And, crucially, the whole point was that I don’t hold it anymore. But to be fair, it was a rambly and unnecessary addition that has clearly just confused everyone.

3) it is currently to the best of my information that israel is bloodthirsty and, if not genocidal, close enough to not matter. However, I don’t think either of us benefit from extending this aspect of the conversation: we could spend week discussing the nature of israel with sources and not achieve anything relevant to this thread. what's relevant is how these perceptions affect the world.

4) the point about Germany was in relation to the proportion of jews they keep arresting for anti-semitism, because they are anti-zionist. I’m not sure how you drew that as a non-sequitur, but I’m going to assume “it’s a long post and you made a small mistake” applies

5) zionism may be a jewish political movement.. but that doesn’t preclude relevancy to anyone else or mean that nobody else can comment. I imagine a lot of palestinians have thoughts on zionism and I’d say they have reason to be heard on it.

6) re: colonialsim.. you know this is british and american backed right? A project of the resettlement of people by colonial powers? And that during this conflict palestinians are being displaced and israeli jews settled? And as far as historic connection to the land goes, this is in the same vein as russia’s connection to ukraine? It just isn’t relevant. an old historical connection does not justify the creation of an ethnostate. which is something that's a goal of a least some vocal zionists, even if you want to argue that's not what it's all about

6) You wanna talk about other countries being attacked for their fascism? you missed russia. You just straight up skipped the other major hot conflicts (I won’t touch beyond my knowledge on this so I’m limiting this section to focus on russia and ignoring e.g. sudan, where I’m not sure what’s going on, only that it’s bad). and all of these countries you mentioned are getting flak over the fascism that is reflecting on some part onto their people. And the closest analog (russia) is seeing a serious and widespread increase in russophobia. It’s not justified - individual russians aren’t culpable for putin’s actions - but be dam sure it’s there. Obviously there is an interplay with preexisting anti-semitism and this new rise, but you can’t dismiss the fact that people just love to make fallacies of composition.

7) yes, that is ridiculous. that has never been my point. israel claims to represent all jews and makes a big noise about it, so it makes sense that some see it that way, but that's in the same way that evangelicals are seen to represent all american christians. they don't. but you can see why folk say they do.

yes. I truly do hope that if I ever make a worse trangression than "being unclear and rambly on the internet when I should be more attentive" that I get called out over it with as much fervor as I've seen here.

On being Jewish, and traumatized (It’s been 5 months and I want to talk):

Judaism is a joyous religion. So much of our daily practice is to focus us on the things that are good. I know that there’s a joke that all our holidays can be summed up as “they tried to kill us. We survived – let’s eat!”, and you might think that holidays focused on attempts at killing us might be somber, but they’re really not. Most are celebrated in the sense of, “we’re still here, let’s have a party!” When I think about practicing Judaism, the things I think about make me happy.

But I think a lot of non-Jews don’t necessarily see Judaism the same way. I think in part it’s because we do like to kvetch, but I think a lot of it is because from the outside it’s harder to see the joy, and very easy to see the long history of suffering that has been enacted on the Jewish people. From the inside, it’s very much, “we’re still here, let’s party” and from the outside it’s, “how many times have they tried to kill you? Why are you celebrating? They tried to KILL YOU!”

And I want to start with that because a lot of the rest of this is going to be negative. And I don’t want people to read it and wonder why I still want to be Jewish. I want to be Jewish because it makes me happy. My problem isn’t with being Jewish, it’s with how Jews are treated.

What I really wanted to write about is being Jewish and the trauma that’s involved with that right now.

First, I want to talk about Israeli Jews. I can’t say much here because I’m not Israeli, nor do I have any close friends or family that are Israeli. But if I’m going to be talking about the trauma Jews are experiencing right now, I can’t not mention the fact that Israeli Jews (and Israelis that aren’t Jewish as well, but that’s not my focus here) are dealing with massive amounts of it right now. It’s a tiny country – virtually everyone has a friend or family member that was killed or kidnapped, or knows someone who does. Thousands of rockets have been fired at Israel in the last few months – think about the fact that the Iron Dome exists and why it needs to. Terror attacks are ongoing; I feel like there’s been at least one every week since October. Thousands of people are displaced from their homes, either because of the rocket fire, or because their homes and communities were physically destroyed in the largest pogrom in recent history – the deadliest single day for Jews since the Holocaust ended. If that’s not trauma inducing, I don’t know what is.

And there is, of course, the generational trauma. And I think Jewish generational trauma is interesting because it’s so layered. Because it’s not just the result of one trauma passed down through the generations. Every 50-100 years, antisemitism intensifies, and so very frequently the people experiencing a traumatic event were already suffering from the generational trauma that their grandparents or great grandparents lived through. And those elders were holding the generational trauma from the time before that. And so on.

And because it happens so regularly, there’s always someone in the community that remembers the last time. We are never allowed the luxury of imagining that we are safe. We know what happened before, and we know that it happened again and again and again. And so we know that it only makes sense to assume it will happen in the future. The trauma response is valid. I live in America because my great grandparents lived in Russia and they knew when it was time to get the hell out in the 1900s. And the reason they knew that is because their grandparents remembered the results of the blood libels in the 1850s. How can we heal when the scar tissue keeps us safe?

I look around now and wonder if we’ll need to run. We have a plan. I repeat, my family has a plan for what to do if we need to flee the country due to religious persecution. How can that possibly be normal? And yet, all the Jewish families I know have similar plans. It is normal if you’re Jewish. Every once in a while I see someone who isn’t Jewish talk about making plans to leave because they’re LGBTQ or some other minority and the question always seems to be, “should I make a plan?” It astounds me every time. The Jewish answer is that you need to have a plan and the only question is, “when should I act?” Sometimes our Jewish friends discuss it at play dates. Where will you go? What are the triggers to leave? No one wants to go any earlier then they have to. Everyone knows what the price of holding off too long might be.

I want to keep my children safe. When do I induct them into the club? When do I let my sweet, innocent kids know that some people will hate them for being Jewish? When do I teach them the skills my parents and grandparents taught me? How to pass as white, how to pass as Christian, knowing when to keep your mouth shut about what you believe. When do I tell them about the Holocaust and teach them the game “would this person hide me?” How hard do I have to work to remind them that while you want to believe that a person would hide you, statistically, most people you know would not have? Who is this more traumatic for? Them, to learn that there is hatred in the world and it is directed at them, or me, to have to drive some of the innocence out of my own children’s eyes in order to make sure they are prepared to meet the reality of the world?

And the reality of the world is that it is FULL of antisemitism. There’s a lot of…I guess I’d call it mild antisemitism that’s always present that you just kinda learn to ignore. It’s the sort of stuff that non-Jews might not even recognize as antisemitic until you explain it to them, just little micro-aggressions that you do your best to ignore because you know that the people doing it don’t necessarily mean it, it’s just the culture we live in. It can still hurt though. I like to compare it to a bruise: you can mostly ignore it, but every once in a while something (more blatant antisemitism) will put a bit to much pressure on it and you remember that you were already hurting this whole time.

On top of the background antisemitism, there’s more intense stuff. And usually the most intense, mask off antisemitism comes from the right. This makes sense, in that a lot of right politics are essentially about hating the “other” and what are Jews if not Western civilizations oldest type of “other”? On the one hand, I’ve always been fortunate enough to live in relatively liberal areas so this sort of antisemitism has felt far away and impersonal – they hate everybody, and I’m just part of everybody. On the other hand, until recently I’ve always considered this the most dangerous source of antisemitism. This is the antisemitism that leads to hate crimes, that leads to synagogue shootings. This is the reason why my synagogue is built so that there is a long driveway before you can even see the building, and that driveway is filled with police on the high holidays. This is the reason why my husband and I were scared to hang a mezuzah in our first apartment (and second, and third). For a long time, this was the antisemitism that made me afraid.

But the left has a problem with antisemitism too. And it has always been there. Where the right hates the “other”, the left hates the “privileged/elite/oppressors.” It’s the exact same thing, just dressed up with different words. They all mean “other” and “other” means “Jew.” It hurts more coming from the left though. A lot of Jewish philosophy leans left. A lot of Jews lean left. So when the left decides to hate us, it isn’t a random stranger, it’s a friend, and it feels like a betrayal.

One of the people I follow works for Yad Vashem, and a few weeks ago she mentioned a video they have with testimonies from people who came to Israel after Kristallnacht, with an unofficial title of “The blow came from within.” The idea is that to non-German Jews, the Holocaust was something done by strangers. It was still terrible, but it is easier to bear the hate of a stranger – it’s not personal. But to German Jews, the Holocaust was a betrayal. It wasn’t done by strangers, it was done by coworkers, and neighbors and people they thought were friends. It was done by people who knew them, and still looked at them and said, “less than human.” And because of this sense of betrayal, German survivors, or Germans who managed to get out before they got rounded up, had a very different experience than other Holocaust victims.

And I feel like a lot of left leaning Jews are having a similar experience now. People that we’ve marched with or organized with, or even just mutuals that we’ve thought of as friends are now going on about how Jews are evil. They repeat antisemitic talking points from the Nazis and from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, and when we point out that those ideas have only led to Jewish death in the past they don’t care. And if someone you thought of as a friend thinks of you this way, what do you think a stranger might think? Might do?

The Jews are fucking terrified. I’ve seen a post going around that basically wonders if this was what it was like for our ancestors – when things got bad enough to see what was coming but before it was too late to run? And we can see what’s coming. History tells us that they way people are talking and acting only leads to one place. I’m a millennial – when I was a kid the grandparents at my synagogue made sure the kids knew – this is what it looked like before, this is what you need to watch out for, this is when you need to run. I wonder where to run to. It feels like nowhere is safe.

I feel like I’ve been lucky in all this. I don’t live in Israel. I have family and acquaintances who do, but no one I’m particularly close to. Everyone I know in real life has either been sane or at least silent about all of this (the internet has been significantly worse, but when it comes to hate, the internet is always worse). I live in a relatively liberal area – there’s always been antisemitism around anyway, but it’s mostly just been swastikas on flyers, or people advocating for BDS, not anything that’s made me actually worry for my safety. But in the last 5 months there have been bomb threats at my synagogue, and just last week a kid got beat up for being Jewish at our local high school. He doesn’t want to report it. He’s worried it will make it worse.

I bought a Magen David to wear in November. At the time it seemed like the best way to fight antisemitism was to be visibly Jewish, to show that we’re just normal people like everyone else. Plus, I figured that if me being Jewish was going to be a problem for someone, then I would make it a problem right away and not waste time. I’ve worn it almost constantly since, but the one time I took it off was when I burnt my finger in December and had to go to urgent care. I didn’t think about it too much when I did it, but I thought about it for a long time after – I didn’t feel good about having made that choice.

The conclusion I came to is that the training that my elders had been so careful to instill in me kicked in. I was hurt, and scared, and the voice inside my head that sounds like my grandmother said, “don’t give them a reason to be bad to you. Fight when you’re well, but for now – survive.” It still felt cowardly, but it was also a connection to my ancestors who heeded the same voice well enough to survive. And it enrages me that that voice has been necessary in the past. And it enrages me that things are bad enough now that my instinct is that I need to hide who I am to receive appropriate medical care.

I wish I had some sort of final thought to tie this all together other than, “this sucks and I hate it,” but I really don’t. I could call for people to examine their antisemitic biases, but I’m not foolish enough to think that this will reach the people who need to do so. I could wish for a future where everything I’ve talked about here exists only in history books, and the Jewish experience is no longer tied to feeling this pain, but that’s basically wishing for the moshiach, and I’m not going to hold my breath.

I guess I’ll end it with the thought that through all of this hate and pain and fear, we’re still here. And we’re still joyful as well. As much as so many people have tried over literally THOUSANDS of years to eradicate us, I’m still here, I’m still Jewish, and being Jewish still makes me happy.

Am Yisrael Chai.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Tuesday 12 August 1834

7 ½

12 55

not at all with her last night fine morning F70° at 8 35 am - out at 9 5 A- and I crossed the bridge over the Gier and walked down to the 1st iron foundry and then to the coal pit steam engine just above – the forgeur man who has the care of the engine, Victor de Seine, very civil -  has 130fr. per month – the coal varies in thickness here from 30 to 3ft. – from 120 to 80 toises deep - 20 horses in some of the pits - should see the pit called Grande croix about ½ way between her and Chamont [Charmont], close to the road side - 120t. deep - coal comes out at the day at St. Etienne but not at Rive de Gier - the piqueurs (colliers) earn 3/. to 5/. a day and the lands (humiers) 1/50. - some of them galleries of the mines here not more than 3ft. high -  home at 10 and breakfast immediately – our hostess very sorry I had not told her about seeing the mines – M. Foy (who eats at her house) nephew to the late general of that name, is ingénieur here and would have accompanied us – but should ask for M. Delseriés ingénieur en chef à St Etienne à l’école des mines – breakfast at 10 5 to 11 ½ made all right with A- she told me she thought I had said all we had (meaning all we were now spending) was hers and I ought to think it as much mine as hers I said I could not bear her to refuse me anything or keep anything secret from [m]e and we were both attendries and better friends than ever  Rive de Gier large black smoky town of coal pits and foundries and long chimneys – 12,000 inhabitants – well satisfied with our auberge – honest people - off from the hotel St Jacques à Rive de Gier at 11 33 – hilly road broad and good tho’ a great deal of rough pavé as yesterday – no coal pits at St Chamond, a long, large blackish town – built of dark coloured limestone ribbed manufactories and stone quarries and lime and brick kilns - very hot and dusty - a gin pit just out of St. Chamond (right) - fine hilly country, like that about Shibden – hilly winding road several times could not see for the dust – the old road left in several places and the new one a great improvement - very well done - St Etienne a large, good town – alighted at the hotel de l’Europe at 2 20 - longish while bargaining – nourriture breakfast and dinner selves 11/. vin ordinaire compris - servants 8/.- and logment our 2 single bedded rooms 6/.- and servants 1/. would not give more – took off my dress and had it shaken – washed - char and 1 horse and A- and I out at 4 ¼ and at the école des mines at 4 20 – 4 ¾ - M. Delsèriés very civil, but less usefully communicative than I expected - mentioned the only coal pit here of M. Néron, and said it was dirty and he did not advise our seeing it - but mentioned the coal pit of Firminy 1 lieue off - might see it and return today  - hesitated a moment - M. Lecoq and M. Prevost live at Clermont [Clermont-Ferrand] the former has written several good notices a Clermont [Clermont-Ferrand]  and its environs - see the professors there Burdin? and Boudin? - Paris the place for all works or St. Etienne and the coal districts - Carrier? and co. near Bachelier on the quai at Paris - M. Delsèriés goes to the hotel du midi at Montbrison but many go to the hotel du midi - only one room for minerals at the Ecole - and nothing but quite common things the collector brought from Montiers on the French giving up possession of the place to le government Sarde - Nérons pit not visited now by strangers - wet and dirty - at the Côte Thiollière pit at 5 12 bureau and entered my name and country – very large steam engine to lift the water – went into a large gallery (entered from this day) 6ft. high by 4ft. broad?  rapid descent A- with me 8 or 10 minutes till we got to a door below then afraid for her and sent her back – very well for, on passing thro’ the door, the shafting rather wet – the pente [inclination] = ½ i.e. one metre out of 2 – bed 30ft. thick – get the 10ft. in the middle – went down to the puits [shaft] – 43 metres from where we stood to the top and 18 metres below us to the bottom – 5 principal galleries – only descended into the 3rd – [after] the 2 lower ones afraid of leaving A- so long - the thro’s, or montées and descents driven into the principal galleries, called chantiers, are not every quite regular but generally ever 15? or 20 metres - this has only been worked 3 years dips from west to east - get 15 metres and leave 15 metres for roof - 15 metres between each chantier - 4 horses there - on returning saw the ingénieur M. Vachier very civil, gave me almost all the above renseignements - have 15 men, working alternately day and night - one man can get 2 metres canes per jour - 6 (bens, how spelt?) = 1 metre carré - 1 ben (according to the pronunciation) weighs 150 kilos and sells for 10 sols here, and 5fr. at Paris - the workmen has 2 sols per ben for getting small coal and more for getting the large (3 sols?) which sells for more - but he said the men earned about 3/50 per day - they get 10ft. thick - then if a collier gets 2 metres square of surface being 10 ft. thick he gets from 40 to 42 bens? at 2 sols, or more of the large coal of which he cannot get so much in quantity per day - great analogy between this mine and that of the 10ft. coal at Bradwell mine near Bilston in Staffordshire of which a plan was hung up in the bureau - the mine here clears about 15,000 fr. a year - I could not make him own to getting ½ for the other profit – i.e. 5 sols clear per ben - but said nothing against getting 3 sols per ben clear profit - he owned however he did not speak (very exactly) under circumstances such as at present before people etc said I had coals - 27 or 24in. thick and could get £100 per 3100 yards (or day work) - said I should perhaps come again if he would teach me to measure etc yes! with pleasure - gave him my address at Shibden and said I should be glad to see him in England -  A- began to be frightened – I had left her 1 5 hour – not out of the mine till 6 ½ and near an hour talking to the engineer - home at 7 40 – dinner at 7 50 – to go to Firminy at 6 ½ am tomorrow in our char of this afternoon 1 ½ poste there and same back (hard bargaining) for 11/. - wrote all the above of today till 12 5 tonight at which hour F70° very fine day - very hot - ten minutes quietly with Miss W- her cousin came this morning

[inherhouseshewaitsdreaming]

NaNo Prep Week #3 - Construct a Detailed Plot or Outline

NaNo Prep is a series of blog posts covering the NaNo Prep 101 curriculum which is a good outline of the things you want to do to get ready for NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month.

We’re into Week #3 now we’re looking at plot.

Resources

I would start here with Brandon Sanderson’s Lectures, Plot Part 1, Plot Part 2, and the Plot Q&A and Viewpoint. These effectively frame the elements of plot and plotting you want to look at. Don’t skip the section on viewpoint at the end of lecture three as its incredibly useful. With this as the starting point, the remaining sections are divided into Outlining, Plot Structures and Plot Archetypes.

Outlining

11 Steps to a Complete Cozy Mystery Plot from Jane Kalmes is a rare example of showing the outlining process in progress. I found another in a series of videos by Chris Fox called How to Plot a Novel From Scratch, but Janes has more re-usable structure. That being said, Chris seems to have another playlist that might be more structured, I just didn’t have time to watch that one too.

You can see the example outline to a Brandon Sanderson novel, Skyward, here as well as two failed attempts.

You can use any of the plot outlines as a framework for outlining your plot. Outlining is typically more than just the plot - it includes character and worldbuilding and, despite the artificial separation of these three, they actually bounce off one another a lot. The Jane Kalmes and Chris Fox examples show this.

Plot Structures

There are so many of these. Sanderson covers two of them in his lectures - the Heroes Journey and the Three Act Structure and videos on these are everywhere. Some examples: 3 Act Story Structure for Authors from Alexa Donne, 15 Beat Plot Structure from ShaelinWrites

Dan Well’s 7 point plot structure is based on the Star Trek RPG Narrator’s Guide and gets its own mention because of the RPG reference.

Katytastic’s 27 point plot structure, which is probably my favourite.

Adding to the above is the ever popular Save the Cat (which is also a three act structure). The main headings for Save the Cat appear in the Jane Kalmes video or you can google for a wealth of other material on this one. I have the book Save the Cat Writes a Novel, but you can find everything in it on Youtube.

For those who want a physical outlining method, I did like E A Deverell’s Plot Structure Zine. There is a video showing it in action on this page, as well as non-video based instructions. This gives you an 8 point story structure.

Plot Archetype

This as a concept is less spoken about and probably the main resource for this is Writing Excuses Season 11 on Elemental Genre. I did find a couple of books and an experiment where an AI ingested stories from Project Gutenberg. I also found quite a range in the number of plot archetypes from 3 to 1,462… A good summary of the 7 Story Types can be found in a this Reedsy video from Shaelin, but I didn’t find it useful for helping me plot my story in the way the Writing Excuses episodes do.

Another thing I do, that I think is similar in hindsight, is look at the website TV Tropes. Go there and look up a supertrope and you will find it broken down into sub-tropes and the myriad small tropes that make up a larger trope. These give you the building blocks of Plot Archetypes, including things that are more specific like Cosmic Horror. The website gives you lists of the component parts and, most usefully, long lists of the trope in various types of media to give you examples for further research.

How I Used Them

First I had a little crisis. In quite a few of the videos above, the authors talk about letting the plot develop in their heads over time. I’ve had the idea for the plot I am currently looking at for a grand total of 3 weeks, as opposed to the months experienced authors seemed to spend. Should I go forward with the new story or should I pick up something I’ve developed for longer?

Once I got past that, I tried a lot of different outlining methods. In the end I landed with the following:

Lots of brainstorming with no real structure giving me a very short outline of the main characters and themes. I iterated on it, writing it a couple of times. I liked the main plot, but it didn’t feel substantial enough. So I added a serial killer! It did fall logically out of the work I was doing, especially the worldbuilding. When trying to lay out the purpose of a group, it became obvious someone needed to be doing something proactive to achieve their goals. The killer is trying to prevent a terrible outcome by killing the people who would make it happen.

I then ran all the major plot threads through different approaches and found the ones I liked best.

Using Dan Well’s approach, at least in terms of order, was incredibly useful. I am so glad the Star Trek RPG references made me watch those videos. It gave me a very broad overview which I didn’t feel was enough to be my end product, but it really helped shape that end product.

I then wrote a plot outline much like the Brandon Sanderson approach, but with the following modifications:

Each major/side character had a listed set of “state transitions of Beginning, Middle and End, taken from the 7 point outline I had used.

I had a mapping underneath the plot bullet points that used the 27 point story structure from Katytastic against the main plot threads. This created a nice grid showing me where different things happened in the story. I numbered the plot bullets and referenced them in this grid too.

What I didn’t have time to do (because its barely Sunday when I write this, and I do try to post on Sundays) was to explore the plot archetypes more and I will do this over the next week. I’d like to look at each major thread, decide what its archetype is and look at those archetypes to see if there is anything I should add. For example, Sanderson mentions that a buddy cop plot is essentially a romance and since my lead characters are going to have that storyline, I want to see if I can learn anything from the archetype to enrich it.

[nonnui]

Title: Infinity Kingdom

Genre: Castle-builder (a superset of the "match three but make it combat" varietal; in this you match no threes)

Intrusiveness: 2/5.  They want to regularly remind me that it is possible to exchange negotiable currency for cartoon dudes, and they are terribly anxious about the serious risk I am running by not linking any of my accounts to their game since they expect it to be such a cherished part of my life, and suggestions that I spend money on things pop up in many corners here and there.

Generosity: 5/5.  Like, kind of to a weird degree.  I think literally most of the gameplay time is claiming various swag in about 30 different swag-claiming locations.  It took days for me to run into any resource constraint preventing me from moving forward, and that turned out to be a fake constraint because I'd already background accumulated enough swag-that-converts-into-more-swag to magic the problem away.  The exponential curve exponentiates, but it starts very strong here.  The principal bottleneck I have run into is that you can only have one thing under construction at a time and it's inconvenient to get a temporary second build queue.

Aesthetic: 5/5.  If I were the art director I'd have gone in a less cartoony direction, but they really have a strong style going and they execute it well.  The animations of the characters add... character... and the alchemy stuff (I think I'm in an alchemy-themed kingdom) is pretty.  The town your castle is in has a day cycle just to be extra cute.  Your dragons fly around it while they're off duty.

Writing: 3/5.  The story is about as bleah as you'd expect for the genre, complete with typos, but there are decent enough little blurbs about the "immortals".  The overarching plotlike-thing about fighting gnomes is silly but at least they aren't taking it that seriously.

Interface: 3/5. They're trying, I can tell they have a real UI effort going on here, but it's kind of a maze that they compensate for by adding lots of shortcuts so you can accomplish prerequisites by trying and failing to do the things they rely on and then following the bouncing ball.  It's a pretty friendly bouncing ball, but I still keep getting lost, and some sections of the game it's trying to draw my attention to have yet to make sense (particularly all the events; most games these days have them and Infinity Kingdom did not introduce any of them usefully).

Coherence: 3/5.  It sort of makes sense that you're hanging out fortifying your city and engaging in various actions against gnomes but they're teasing PVP that as far as I can tell is totally unjustified.

Gestalt Experience: 3/5.  Despite some best-in-class strong points this is not really a game I'd play on its own merits.

I think this game might have missed its calling as an animated children's show about the "immortals", a charmingly diverse array of mostly legendary and historical figures ranging from Mulan through Arthuriana to first century Nubian queens.  (...just one of those, actually, I haven't encountered anaother first century Nubian queen.)  They even have gender parity, it looks like, which is neat and probably inspired some of the relatively obscure choices.  Infinity Kingdom does have all the gameplay elements you might expect from, well, a game, and they're mostly pretty slick gameplay elements too, it's just the real strong points aren't as front and center as you'd hope when a lot of the time spent playing is just collecting wood and upgrading walls and checking to see that you have enhanced your Helen of Troy sufficiently to cream some hapless gnomes.

Alas, despite its charm, due to a technical misfortune I will not be receiving any imaginary money for my hard work on this one, and having been informed of this tragedy, I will not be playing it any more.  (Tapjoy, the entity that connects game playing to imaginary money, did not successfully register my download as "attributed to Tapjoy".)  I will lowkey miss my dragons, who sneezed when poked.

[languagelearningcorner]

Language Maintenance and Progress Week 2

02-01-2021 // 02-07-2021 Listening

French: 4+ hours. Listened to my parents and the news they consume. Also watched a few YouTube videos from Dairing Tia, Stelle, and Liv. Spanish: 1hr10mins. So I found Jose M. and Valentrina who discuss pop culture and make social commentary. Valentrina sounds like she has an Argentine accent but I am not 100% sure and I haven't really done any digging on her background. Korean: 1hr12mins. Extracurricular is starting to get interesting. I'm on episode 7. Portuguese: 50mins. I'm still watching The Girls of Ipanema and it's getting intense.  Had to cut a bit of my watching/listening time because I got busy during a few of the days I've allocated to Portuguese. Persian: 4-5 hours.

Reading

French: 30-45min. I squeezed in a bit of time to read Médecin des Voix by Dr. Claude Fugain this weekend. Spanish: 0mins. Yikes lool. Does an instragram post on tips for getting a toddler to speak count? Korean: 25mins. Techincally, I spend about 5 minutes a day on Korean duolingo and I have to read then. Portuguese: 25mins. Similar to Korean, I read on Duolingo.   Persian: ~1hr30mins.

Writing

French: 1hr. Had a stroke of inspiration early in the week and spent a while on it.  Spanish: 0mins. I've been entertaining the idea of staring a weekly or bi-monthly post about a topic in speech pathology that I will write in Spanish and post on here. I'm not sure though. I haven't given it much thought beyond just a vague idealization. I would need to do more research and think about the format.  Korean: 0mins. I write the day of the week in my little journal to keep track of the minutes I spent listening to Korean. Portuguese: 5mins. I wrote little bullets of the plot each time I watched Girls of Ipanema. A lot of it was inspired by Spanish grammar and vocabulary so I'm not sure it's usefully to continue writing in this manner without taking the time to learn actively first. Persian: ~1hr30mins.

Speaking/thinking/studying

French: Daily with my parents. I try to think more and more in French as well. Thinking in French has gotten a bit more automatic, as I mentioned in last week's post. Spanish: 20-30mins. I tutor a high school student once a week for an hour. I don't speak Spanish the whole time, although my goal is to transition to all Spanish. Korean: No speaking. Completed adverbs chapter on Duolingo. Portuguese: Talked to Duolingo every day haha. Completed adjectives chapter. Persian: Mostly during my session. I think I was more comfortable building sentences by myself. I try to recast thoughts in Farsi if I feel like they're simple enough.

[writersrealmbts]

Beary Scary

Description: Hybrid!Namjoon x reader: Namjoon is out party hopping for halloween with his friends when he meets his mate, and she’s dressed like his hybrid species. 

Angst/Fluff

Posted: 10/28/2019

Tags: Hybrid au, Hybrid Namjoon, 

Wordcount: 4,105

A/N: So, I did something a little different with this one, but I really hope you like it!

Namjoon laughed as he followed his friends into the next party, wondering how they somehow knew everyone around here. They were dressed as zombies because it was "easiest" and because Taehyung had wanted to practice the stage makeup he'd been learning. He didn't even mind his friends pointing out that he was a zombie-bear. He was a hybrid, the bad jokes were normal, especially among his friends.

The exceptions to their group of zombies were Yoongi and Seokjin. Yoongi was a ghoul, his pale complexion usefully emphasizing the darker areas of his face. And Jin was a werewolf, which wasn't actually that far off since he was a wolf-hybrid.

This new party was a little more mellow and jolly than the last one, less grinding and more goofy antics. There was one couple, dressed in forties attire, swing dancing to Monster Mash and immediately capturing the interest of the drunk dancers in Namjoon’s friend group.

He went to the snack table, grabbing a couple "caterpillars" and popping one in his mouth. This place was one of Jin's friends, and the one Jin had been most excited about. In the next room, Halloween themed Disney cartoons were playing, and others were playing some homemade Halloween game and seeming to have fun.

He laughed to himself as someone dressed in a cute bear costume came backing out of the cartoon room, tripping slightly but laughing.

Then he smelled her.

He swallowed hard, his feet taking him to her side before he could really think it through.

She shrieked a bit when she finally noticed him, then was crouched on the floor with a hand over her heart. “Dear God, sorry, shit. You scared me.”

“S-sorry, um, sorry,” He offered her his hand.

She took it, and he felt his whole body tingling at her touch. She looked his costume over with a smile. “Cute! A zombie bear!”

He was pretty sure Tae would die if he heard his work called cute, but he smiled a little. “I, uh, I really like your costume.”

She glanced down at it, as if unsure of what she was wearing, then looked up with wide eyes. “This isn’t offensive, is it?!”

He laughed a little. “No, it’s cute! Really, really cute.” He looked at his feet shyly.

She giggled a little, and he thought he might die. Did she really just get cuter? “You’re Jin’s friend, right?”

“Oh, yeah, you know hyung?” He was a little surprised. He’d thought he’d met almost all of Jin’s limited friend circle. Usually strangers were Tae’s, Jimin’s, or Hoseok’s friends.

“Uh, yeah, this is my place. We’re both in the play that’s coming up,” She explained, smiling the whole time.

“Y/n!” Jin came over, throwing an arm around her shoulders, obviously a little past tipsy. “That punch is a work of art.”

“Thanks, you made it,” She said grinning.

“I did?” He looked truly surprised. “When?”

“Earlier today, you came over, mixed all of the liquids and told me what to add and when. I only deviated once from your very detailed instructions.”

“Oh yeah,” He breathed, then noticed Namjoon. “Namjoonie! You’ve met Y/n! She’s the romantic lead in the play I’m starring in!”

“I’m preparing to be the most hated girl on campus,” She laughed out, shoving Jin off. “He’s already got a huge fanclub and guys are never as fanatical about theater as girls are.”

“Doesn’t Namjoon’s makeup look good? Taehyung did all of us! Isn’t he scary?!”

She rolled her eyes, meeting Namjoon’s afterward with a smirk. “Yes, Jin-oppa, beary scary.”

Namjoon choked on his cup of punch.

Jin cracked up. “That was a beary good pun!”

“Thank you beary much,” She replied without missing a beat. Definitely sober.

“You’re beary welcome,” He giggled out, petting her head. “Cute.”

Namjoon really hoped his hyung would pass out or leave or something before he had to threaten murder for all the bear puns.

Thankfully, Jimin came to drag him off because of something or other that Jin needed to see or experience or something.

She was shaking her head, meeting Namjoon’s gaze again. “Sorry, I just had to see how punny he gets when he’s drunk.”

“It’s okay,” He said, finding that he was grinning still. “Um, so…uh….”

“You’re majoring in music production and philosophy, right?” She asked, smoothing over his stutters like they never happened.

He needed a stronger drink if he was going to continue looking at how cute she was. She was a bear, for pete’s sake. A cute bear, with cute ears, and a cute tail, and her makeup was just so…cute! “Yeah, yes, yes.”

She nodded slowly, seeming a little more amused. “So, do you not talk to women often?”

“I do, really, um,” He cleared his throat and glanced around, “It’s just….”

“Just?” She prompted, cutely confused.

God, he needed a different descriptor. But his mind seemed stuck on how adorable she was. Oh.

“Just…that…um…do you…know anything about…hybrid’s mates?” He finally ventured to ask, nervous about how she would react.

She looked thoughtful. “Yeah, they can tell by scent alone most of the time. Jin talks about it. Why? Is yours here?!” She looked excited for him.

He found himself nodding, despite knowing that he actually needed to verbalize his answer and tell her it was her.

“That’s awesome! Who?!” She was grinning, hands tucked into the adorable bear paws at the ends of her sleeves. Her eyes sparkled in the lights all around the party. Her eyeliner was different on each eye, just slightly, but still different.

Namjoon swallowed hard, looking over the face of his…maybe-mate. “Um…well…it’s kind of….”

Her smile faded with concern, head tilting adorably. “Namjoon-ssi? What’s wrong?”

He looked away, toward his friends, who were drunkenly dancing with each other, then back to her.

She looked worried about him. “Do you need some water? I’ll go get you some water.” She hurried toward the kitchen and he didn’t have it in him to object.

He groaned softly to himself, a little growl to the groan as well. He turned and waved down Seokjin, who hurried over looking worried.

“What’s wrong?” Jin asked, looking more sober now.

“Hyung, I can’t tell her! We need to leave!”

“Whoa, tell who what? Y/n?”

“Yes, y/n,” Namjoon replied partially, dropping his head to the elder’s shoulder. “She’s my mate, hyung. I knew it the moment I smelled her, but it isn’t the same for humans. And she’s so damn adorable that I can’t even get a complete sentence out! Please can we leave?”

The wolf-hybrid sighed, carefully petting Namjoon’s head. “If that’s what you really want,” He finally replied quietly.

“Hey, here’s that water,” Y/n said as she came back with a cup of water.

Namjoon forced a smile, taking it and sipping. “Uh, we’re gonna go. I’m…I’m not feeling too well.”

“Oh, okay. Feel better,” She said, her gaze drifting to the food table in worry. “Oh god, I hope it wasn’t the food.”

“No! It wasn’t your food, at least,” Namjoon quickly said, unable to handle seeing her somewhat distressed.

She seemed somewhat relieved. “Alright, well, I hope you feel better, Namjoon-ssi. Seokjin-oppa, do you want me to round up your friends?”

Jin nodded. “I’m going to take Joonie outside.”

She nodded again, waving to Namjoon before heading toward the dance floor and pulling aside Taehyung.

Namjoon couldn’t tear his gaze away until she was out of sight and he was outside, gulping in the crisp night air.

Jin was stroking his hair comfortingly. “It’s okay, Joon-ah. At least now that you know, you can slowly introduce yourself into her life. It’ll be okay.”

Namjoon just let out a distressed sound, letting the older wrap him in a hug.

Yoongi was the first to come out. “What happened? That was the least stressful party yet?” He muttered, obviously drunk.

“Namjoon isn’t feeling well. Where are the others?”

“They’re coming. Jungkook was trying to get someone’s number. Why didn’t you tell us that your friend was so cute, hyung? And how come we haven’t met her before today?” Hoseok asked, grinning as he leaned on Yoongi.

Namjoon heard his teeth clacking before he could register that he was going to do it, and intermittently letting out low moans of distress.

Seokjin quickly pulled Namjoon back to him, rubbing his head. “Shush, Hope-ah. Namjoon’s not well.”

“Sorry, hyung, we tried to rush Jungkook, but you know how he is,” Taehyung chirped as he skipped out.

Jimin was behind Jungkook, making sure the youngest didn’t turn back.

Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut.

“Fine. Let’s get Joon back to the house before he has a meltdown,” Jin said, looking to Yoongi for support.

Yoongi nodded. “Come on, brats. All or none, right? You can watch a movie and stuff yourselves on the Halloween candy I got.”

“Yay!” Taehyung cheered, hopping and then skipping along.

Namjoon felt worse. Making his friends leave the party just because he was a coward.

Jin didn’t leave his side for long. It was sort of a pact they’d made since they were the only hybrids in their group. They stuck with each other. Normally, it was Namjoon helping the elder since Jin was more emotional and tended to get himself hurt more. Overworked himself.

The others helped too, but having another hybrid help when distressed was definitely more comforting. They knew the ticks and tricks to help the other through whatever issue was there.

Which was how Namjoon ended up spending the night beside Jin, getting pets and comfort until he fell asleep.

The next day was actually Halloween.

“Man, am I feeling last night,” Yoongi grumbled, mostly to himself at the dining-table as Namjoon sat down.

“Hyung, how are you so chipper?” Taehyung asked, watching Jin make an omelet while humming.

“I’m a responsible drinker,” Jin replied cheerily.

“Feeling better, Namjoon-hyung?” Jimin asked, smiling at him tiredly.

“Yeah, how are you?” Hoseok asked, finally looking awake after half-an-hour of sitting at the table.

Namjoon let his gaze drop to the table. “Oh. I’m…much better.”

It was quiet following his answer.

“Just tell them, Namjoon-ah. I’ll make sure they don’t tease you, or push you, or anything else,” The wolf-hybrid said, a slight threatening growl as he obviously addressed each of those things to the others at the table. He put the rolled omelet on the table, making sure Namjoon got part of it before it was scarfed down by the ravenous boys.

Namjoon took a couple bites, trying to gather his scattered thoughts, and courage. “Um…I found my mate last night.”

Everything went still again, some stopped chewing, chopsticks froze in midair, he wasn’t even sure they were breathing.

“That’s…a good thing…right?” Jungkook asked, sounding uncertain.

Namjoon slowly nodded.

“Then…what happened? Is she dating someone else?” Yoongi asked, sounding confused.

“Who?” Hoseok asked, sounding cheerful and happy.

“Y/n,” Namjoon murmured, setting his chopsticks aside, not looking at the others.

It was quiet again, but not as quiet as before.

“She seemed really nice?” Taehyung sounded bewildered.

“And she’s hot,” Jimin added, helpfully.

Namjoon just nodded. “She’s adorable.”

He could feel their confusion in the air.

“Finding your mate is a big thing,” Jin finally broke the silence. “But it’s a very hybrid thing. Knowing our mate by smell alone is something that can be hard for humans to understand and can lead to rejection, which is even harder for us.”

They were still quiet, which was unnerving.

“I’m a coward, okay?” Namjoon snapped, standing up. “I couldn’t tell her. I chickened out and I begged for us to leave while she went to get me water because she thought I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Hyung, it’s okay to be scared,” Jimin said softly.

Namjoon just clacked his teeth and quickly left, feeling like he was losing control again.

Jin followed. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Namjoon just moaned in distress again, pacing a little before letting the other hug him again, scenting him a little.

“It’ll be okay. They get it, Namjoon. Really, they do. I promise,” The older whispered into his ear.

Another set of arms wrapped around Namjoon, and he could smell Jimin already.

Tae was nearby, probably about to—

And there was a third set of arms around him.

Hoseok quickly joined, pulling Yoongi and Jungkook in as well.

Then the doorbell rang.

He peeked out as Jungkook went to peek out the window.

“Uh, it’s y/n,” He called back.

Namjoon groaned, burying his face in Jin’s shoulder. “I don’t exist. Kill me now.”

“As warm as bear fur is, you don’t even have enough to make a decent hat. Let her in, Jungkookie.” Hoseok disbanded the hug easily, pulling Namjoon away from Jin and quickly flattening the crazy bed-head.

“Morning, sorry to drop by so early, but I wanted to get the lights back to you,” Y/n said, addressing the last part to Jin as she let Jungkook take the box she had with her. “I also brought that taco-dip I owed you. Freshly made, don’t worry.”

Jin grinned. “You’re the best. Did you get everything cleaned up?”

“Better than most of the other houses did, apparently. I actually got to go to bed with a clean house. Namjoon-ssi, are you feeling better?” She asked.

Namjoon swallowed hard, hoping she hadn’t noticed him staring. Even out of costume and with barely any makeup she was adorable. Breathtaking. She was wearing an oversized sweater, jeans, and converse highs. Her hair was a little messy, maybe windswept.

Yoongi jabbed him in the back.

“Uh, yeah, a little.”

She didn’t quite look like she believed him. “Okay, good.” She glanced away from him, and then looked to Jin. “I’ll get out of your hair then.”

“Wait! Uh, we’re doing a scary movie marathon tonight if you want to come,” Hoseok quickly said, grinning at her. “Just bring a dish to share.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude—”

“No way, you’re more than welcome!” Tae followed up cheerfully. “We’re having korean barbecue!”

She hesitated. “Well….”

“Please? You hosted us, it’s only fair that we return the favor,” Jimin pleaded softly, voice saccharine and face angelic.

Namjoon could kill them all.

“Um, okay, if you insist,” She replied, seeming a little reluctant still.

“We do,” Jungkook delivered the last blow with a grin that Namjoon couldn’t wait to wipe off his face.

She nodded. “Okay, I’ll try to bring something yummy. Just, nothing too scary?”

“With Hobi-hyung in the house? I wish,” Taehyung folded his arms.

Hoseok gave her a sheepish smile. “I can’t do too-scary movies. They’re mostly Halloween-themed movies.”

She looked relieved, and Namjoon wished he’d been the one to put that expression on her face. “Oh, good. I was afraid I’d be hiding behind a pillow the whole time.”

“Nope! You’re in good company here! And don’t worry about a costume, either. We’re going super cas, and some of us will probably be in pajamas.” Jin finally added himself to the conversation with an apologetic look in Namjoon’s direction.

She nodded, gaze flicking to Namjoon for the briefest of seconds. “Okay. I’ll see you all tonight, then.”

“Yup, see you,” Jin said as he saw her out.

Namjoon glared at Hoseok. “What was that?”

“It’s called getting you more time with her,” Hoseok answered calmly. “You want her to be okay when you tell her, maybe getting to know her and spending time with her is the—I don’t know—logical first step?”

“Don’t antagonize him, hyung,” Jimin said softly. “It’s okay to be scared, but you’re sending her the wrong messages right now. You’re making her think you don’t like her at all. That’s why she wanted to refuse. You’re lucky we’re persistent and you’re totally sitting next to her tonight.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened. “Wait, what? She thought I didn’t like her?”

“Well, you’re not the best liar in the world,” Jin said weakly. “And I do recall us making some…pretty bad bear-related puns last night. She probably thinks she offended you somehow.”

Namjoon groaned and flopped onto the couch. “Did you see how gorgeous and adorable she was? I was staring and I thought she caught me, I panicked!”

“Hyung, I think you’re making this harder than it has to be,” Taehyung said. “I think Y/n would understand.”

“Guess we’ll find out, depending on how tonight goes,” Yoongi said dryly. “We better clean the house. Especially the bathrooms. I heard girls are fussy about bathrooms.”

“With our movie lineup, it’ll be pretty late, one of us will have to either walk her home and let her stay in one of our rooms so she’s not walking home at such a late hour,” Hoseok said thoughtfully.

“I’ll make sure my room is clean, just in case she stays that late,” Jin replied softly. “I know her best, so if she stays, then she’ll be the most comfortable with taking my room and my room has a lock on the door.”

The others were staring at him suddenly.

He coughed awkwardly to get rid of the growl. “Sorry.”

Jin just looked amused. “The point being that she can make sure no one touches her. Even if she finds out about you being her mate tonight, she’s not likely to sleep with you. Even in a platonic way. I know she’d feel safer having a door that locks between her and others. Alright, Yoongi, off to the store with Jungkookie. Taehyung-ah, go study for your test on monday.”

“Aw, hyung,” His face screwed up as he complained.

“I’ll help you, Taehyung-ah,” Namjoon said quietly, tugging on Seokjin’s sweatshirt in aggravation.

Jin rolled his eyes, taking it off and putting it over Namjoon’s head. “I’ve got to get cleaning. Hobi?”

“I’ll start on the bathrooms, hyung,” The other said cheerfully.

Namjoon shoved his arms through the sleeves, keeping the hood up so that the smell was close. He normally wouldn’t be so insistent about scents. He really needed to get over this.

By the time the evening rolled around, Namjoon was jumpier than the bunny hybrid in his math class when hopped up on enough caffiene for three people.

Jin snarled at him after he dropped a dish, the glass shattering all over the floor.

Jimin managed to hop up on the counters and slide away from the mess, but Jin was trapped.

Yoongi gave Taehyung a broom and started vacuuming under the cupboards after tossing a small dustpan and broom to Jin.

Hoseok pulled Namjoon away from the kitchen by the hood of the Jin’s sweatshirt. “Best stay out of the way, Namjoon-ah.”

Namjoon groaned. “I didn’t mean to break it.”

“It’s okay. He didn’t mean to snarl at you. It just surprised him, and some of the glass might have hurt him.”

“I’m pathetic,” Namjoon protested.

“You’re not pathetic, hyung,” Jimin said, wrapping around Namjoon. “You’re just out of your element.”

“And shy,” Hoseok added, eyebrow arching with a smile. “It’s okay, Namjoon. But maybe don’t wear Jin’s sweatshirt while Y/n is over. She might think that Jin is your mate and you freaked because of that.”

Namjoon groaned, but was hesitant to pull the sweatshirt off. “But…it’s….”

“Mine, now give it,” Jin ordered, limping over to them. “It doesn’t even smell like me anymore, I bet.”

“It does,” Namjoon pouted a little, not wanting to give up the security sweatshirt.

Jin forcefully pulled it off, then froze, listening. “She’s here. Go change into your blue shirt, Namjoon. The loose one. Jimin, get the door.”

Namjoon was frozen, but Hoseok quickly pushed him along to his bedroom, pulling the shirt Jin had said to wear.

“Come on. It’s okay. We’re just watching movies and eating food. No big deal.”

“She’s my mate,” Namjoon whispered. “My beautiful, adorable mate, that I can’t make conversation with. And don’t think I’ve forgotton your tone last night when you were talking about her.”

Hoseok smirked. “And if I flirt with her, what are you going to do? Growl at us?”

Namjoon looked away. “Don’t be a jerk.”

“Then talk to her or I will. Or worse.”

“Worse?”

“Worse, Taehyung will. He was talking about how hot she was last night, you know.” Hoseok leaned against the door. “Jin will make sure you’re sitting next to her, but you’ll have to make sure you keep that seat.”

Namjoon growled a little playfully, finally able to discern the teasing in his friend’s voice. “Come on. Just, try to help me relax?”

Hoseok nodded, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “You got it.”

Y/n looked adorably comfortable, curled up in the corner of the couch and laughing at the conversation between Jimin and Taehyung—the latter of which apparently committed some sort of treason against his best-friend.

Jungkook plopped next to her. “So, are you dating?”

“Which answer will get you to give me some space?” She asked back, good natured in tone, and smiling, but eying the lack of space between them.

Jin was laughing at Jungkook’s stunned expression. “Find somewhere else to sit, Jungkookie. You know Namjoonie is sitting in the middle.”

“Oh, should I move?” Y/n asked, suddenly looking uncertain.

“No, just Jungkook,” Hoseok answered, patting her head.

She looked unsettled by that gesture, but soon shook it off and waved at Namjoon with a small smile.

He managed to smile back. “Hey. How was your day?”

“Good, really good. Yours?”

“Yeah, good,” He answered, but winced afterwords. It sounded as awkward as he felt. “I was helping Taehyung study for his test and was a major klutz, but good.”

“Yeah, the dish, Jin told me about that. It happens.” She shrugged, looking a little more comfortable. “I already told him not to worry about it, too.”

“Wait…what?” He looked between the two, noting the slew of bandaids on Jin’s propped up foot, and feeling bad.

“It was one of my dishes. We exchange food once or twice a week, so we usually end up with each other’s dishes. We usually just give them back with food in them instead of making a special trip. But like I told Jin, it was two dollars at the resale shop. I’m just glad no one was hurt—well, not badly anyway.” She shrugged.

Namjoon eyed the headband she was wearing that had bear ears. “Um…nice headband.”

She looked confused while the other boys snickered, her hand reaching up and feeling along the headband till she reached the first ear.

Her eyes widened. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! I forgot my roommate put that on my head.”

“No! It’s cute! Really, I don’t mind!” Namjoon quickly said, holding his hands out, wanting to stop her from taking it off but not daring to touch her.

Her gaze darted between him and the others, uncertainty completely plain on her face.

He let his gaze and hands drop. “It’s really, fucking adorable.”

When he got the courage to glance at her face again, she was staring at him with wide eyes.

“Oh,” She breathed out. “Oh! I’m…because you…me….”

“And you call yourself an actress,” Jin muttered, obviously joking.

She chucked a pillow at him without looking, gaze still fixed on Namjoon—who didn’t dare look away. “I’m your…mate….”

He nodded slowly, clenching his jaw so that his teeth wouldn’t clack.

“But then, why did you hide it? Did I do something wrong?”

He shook his head, still struggling with words.

“Did you think I would reject you?” She asked gently. “I know there are a lot of people who aren’t open-minded about that.”

He hesitated, then nodded once.

“Well, I wouldn’t have. I’m not. I understand how hard rejection can be.”

“It’s scary,” Namjoon whispered, studying her face. She was wearing a little more makeup than she had been when she was there earlier in the day, but less than last night.

She giggled. “Beary scary.”

He choked on a laugh. “Okay, but there’s a limit to the puns.”

“Sorry, last one.”

He looked at her curiously.

She shifted so she was sitting on her feet and facing him on the couch. Her smile was gorgeous, and the way she was looking at him happily was seriously breathtaking. “I would beary much like to get to know you, at least.”

He felt himself grin. “I’d like that too.”

--

Masterlist

[eintsein]

Stay Energized in the Winter!

I live in Ithaca now, and at this time of year, the sun’s up for like 8-9 hours a day, and it’s cold and dark, and you often find yourself not wanting to do anything. However, I still need to keep up with my studies, and I’m sure some of you are faced with a similar problem. So, I’ve gathered some of the things I do to help me stay energized throughout a winter day.

Understand your energy levels and work with them

I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect yourself to be able to do as much work or be as energized in the colder months as you do in warmer months.

For example, maybe in the summer/fall, you could survive with 5 hours of sleep and more intense work sessions, but in the winter, you might need more breaks and more sleep, and trying to resist that might result in the further deterioration of your energy levels. If you don’t already, try taking a midday break.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for having to recharge. You’ll be more productive afterwards.

Get enough sunlight

Exposure to sunlight boosts your mood by increasing your body’s serotonin levels - one of the happy hormones. It makes you more alert, energized, and prevents you from getting Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

My advice is to spend as much daylight time doing things so you can do them the most productively. Even if you’re more inclined to do things later in the day, at least push forward some of the things on your daily routine, or rearrange them in such a way that you get as much sunlight possible.

This semester - unfittingly called the ‘spring’ semester - I tried to schedule my classes as early as possible, even though I generally get sluggish in the afternoon and then work better in the evening. This is because I want to have time to do my work - or at least be out - while the sun’s still up.

Exercise where you can

It’s so hard to exercise outdoors in this weather, but I still see people going for jogs around campus, or hitting the gym. Personally, I just do some stretching and light exercise in my room.

Alternatively, if you take the bus, get off a stop early then walk the rest of the way (unless there’s terrible weather like a snowstorm or something where being outside is harmful). The key thing is that you get yourself moving, especially in the morning - you’ll be more productive and happier throughout the day.

Shower

I know the winter’s cold and you don’t feel like you have to take a shower, especially since it can make your skin dry. However, it’s a great energy booster, especially in the morning. Showering in the morning improves your blood flow and alertness, and reduces your stress levels throughout the day. If you don’t have time in the morning, shower in the evening, so you’ll have more energy after the sun goes down..

Make plans or have something to look forward to

Nothing is more draining than knowing that you have nothing to do, nothing to look forward to. You’ll probably just end up in your bed watching Netflix all day, which, let’s face it, might be fun at first but turns out to be a hell of an energy drainer. Go out to eat, study with someone, or at least watch something together.

Indulge yourself

Curl up with a good book. Watch your favorite show. Play some tunes while you sketch your favorite characters or OCs. It’s the winter, you deserve a little break to recover. If you don’t relax every now and then, you won’t be able to work as intensely and focus as hard as you want or need to.

Also, although it’s great to eat healthy, but a cup of hot cocoa or a muffin once in a while is fine and makes you happier in that moment.

Work on an indoor hobby

You’re going to spend a lot of time indoors, might as well use that time usefully (aside from schoolwork or other obligations). I like doing creative things like digital art, journaling, or bullet journaling while listening to a podcast, or reading - these types of activities are the most energizing for me.

You don’t need to do the things I listed - the point is, you should use your time indoors wisely, since during other parts of the year, you’ll probably be out a lot more.

Listen to the right music

I don’t know what y’all listen to but music is an awesome energy booster if you can align it with how you’re feeling. You know how sometimes you listen to a certain type of music and your mind just feels like it’s hovering there, like it’s slightly repelled by the music but you also don’t really hate it, and you just end up feeling unfulfilled afterwards? (That was a trash explanation but I hope you understand what I mean.) Yeah don’t do that.

During the day, listen to music that keeps you awake and energized - it could be hard hitting rock or dance-y pop or maybe even something mellow. Whatever it is, don’t try to counter it. I like to listen to roaring guitars in the morning, and slow jazz in the evening, and that works for me.

Get enough sleep (‘enough’ might be more than you usually get)

During the winter, you can take advantage of the cold and cozy weather to get more sleep. I know it’s tempting to keep working until you finish all your tasks, but if it means sacrificing your sleep, you’ll only end up depriving yourself of your already low levels of energy. Also, make sure you get good quality sleep so that you’ll be as energized as possible the next morning.

However, don’t get too much sleep. This morning, I came into math class, and my friend was like ‘you look really tired today, is something wrong?’ and no, there was nothing wrong. It’s just that this morning, I chose to sleep in until 8 when I usually wake up at 7, meaning I slept more than I should have. Too much sleep just makes you feel groggy once you wake up.

During the day, take a power nap if you have to, but don’t extend it for too long that your sleep inertia kicks in and you can’t get up anymore.

Focus on your food

I think the food we eat - and how we eat it - is a huge factor in maintaining our energy levels during these cold, dark months. So here’s an entire section about food-related strategies to combat the winter blues.

1. Eat well

Winter might tempt you to eat bulky food and sweets, but they’re not that beneficial to your productivity and energy levels. Sugary foods actually cause you to be sleepy during the day and reduce the quality of your sleep at night. Instead, opt to eat foods that contain

Vitamin C - like in fruits and vegetables - to boost your energy levels; and

Vitamin B12 - like fish, milk, and eggs - to reduce fatigue

2. Have good eating habits (don’t skip breakfast!)

In college especially, a lot of people skip breakfast - and sometimes even lunch - only to overeat during dinnertime. However, having a good breakfast - especially one with protein, fiber, and whole grains - will increase your ability to focus and boost your productivity throughout the day. Maybe you’re the type of person who tends to skip breakfast - the winter’s a great time to pick up the habit of having a morning meal. Recently, I’ve been having peanut butter and acai overnight oats - nutritious and convenient.

3. Have caffeine at the right time (if you consume any)

Studies show that the most effective time to have caffeine is between 9:30 to 11:30 am. Even if you have breakfast before that, I recommend waiting a little while before you sip your cup of coffee or whatever source of caffeine you take. You can always bring a cup to class or wherever you’re headed to at that time.

In the evening, I recommend having a cup of tea. Some teas contain enough caffeine to keep you alert but not prevent you from sleeping at night. My favorite is green tea, but other teas like oolong or black tea work just as well.

4. Snack (a little)

But not too much. A single square of chocolate or a couple crackers are great mood boosters, and it even improves cognitive functioning. You could even have a cup of tea along with your snack, which is doubly energizing.

That’s all I have for you now. Feel free to drop an ask or message me if you have any questions, and I hope the rest of the winter goes great for you!

p.s. wml bc I heard the winters here last till April

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Tuesday 12 August 1834

7 ½

12 55

Not at all with her last night. Fine morning F70° at 8 35 am - out at 9 5 A- and I crossed the bridge over the Gier and walked down to the 1st iron foundry and then to the coal pit steam engine just above – the forgeur man who has the care of the engine, Victor de Seine, very civil -  has 130fr. per month – the coal varies in thickness here from 30 to 3ft – from 120 to 80 toises deep - 20 horses in some of the pits - should see the pit called Grande croix about ½ way between her and Chamont [Charmont], close to the road side - 120 t. deep - coal comes out at the day at St. Etienne but not at Rive de Gier - the piqueurs (colliers) earn 3/. to 5/. a day and the lands (humiers) 1/50. - some of them galleries of the mines here not more than 3ft. high - home at 10 and breakfast immediately – our hostess very sorry I had not told her about seeing the mines – M. Foy (who eats at her house) nephew to the late general of that name, is ingénieur here and would have accompanied us – but should ask for M. Delseries ingénieur en chef à St Etienne à l’école des mines – breakfast at 10 5 to 11 ½ made all right with A- she told me she thought I had said all we had (meaning all we were now spending) was hers and I ought to think it as much mine as hers I said I could not bear her to refuse me anything or keep anything secret from [m]e and we were both attendries and better friends than ever. Rive de Gier large black smoky town of coal pits and foundries and long chimneys – 12,000 inhabitants – well satisfied with our auberge – honest people - Off from the hotel St Jacques à Rive de Gier at 11 33 – hilly road broad and good tho’ a great deal of rough pavé as yesterday – no coal pits at St Chamond, a long, large blackish town – built of dark coloured limestone ribbed manufactories and stone quarries and lime and brick kilns - very hot and dusty - a gin pit just out of St. Chamond (right) - fine hilly country, like that about Shibden – hilly winding road several times could not see for the dust – the old road left in several places and the new one a great improvement - very well done - St Etienne a large, good town – alighted at the hotel de l’Europe at 2 20 - longish while bargaining – nourriture breakfast and dinner selves 11/. vin ordinaire compris - servants 8/- and logment our 2 single bedded rooms 6/.- and servants 1/. would not give more – took off my dress and had it shaken – washed - char and 1 horse and A- and I out at 4 ¼ and at the école des mines at 4 20 – 4 ¾ - M. Delsèriés very civil, but less usefully communicative than I expected - mentioned the only coal pit here of M. Néron, and said it was dirty and he did not advise our seeing it - but mentioned the coal pit of Firminy 1 lieue off - might see it and return today  - hesitated a moment - M. Lecoq and M. Prevost live at Clermont the former has written several good notices a Clermont and its environs - see the professors there Burdin? and Boudin? - Paris the place for all works or St. Etienne and the coal districts - Carrier? and c° near Bachelier on the quai at Paris - M. Delsèriés goes to the hotel du midi at Montbrison but many go to the hotel du midi - only one room for minerals at the Ecole - and nothing but quite common things the collector brought from Montiers on the French giving up possession of the place to le government Sarde - Nérons pit not visited now by strangers - wet and dirty - at the Côte Thiolliere pit at 5 12 bureau and entered my name and country – very large steam engine to lift the water – went into a large gallery (entered from this day) 6ft. high by 4ft. broad?  rapid descent A- with me 8 or 10 minutes till we got to a door below then afraid for her and sent her back – very well for, on passing thro’ the door, the shafting rather wet – the pente [inclination] = ½ i.e. one metre out of 2 – bed 30ft thick – get the 10ft in the middle – went down to the puits [shaft] – 43 metres from where we stood to the top and 18 metres below us to the bottom – 5 principal galleries – only descended into the 3rd – [after] the 2 lower ones afraid of leaving A- so long - the thro’s, or montées and descents driven into the principal galleries, called chantiers, are not every quite regular but generally ever 15? or 20 metres - this has only been worked 3 years dips from west to east. - get 15 metres and leave 15 metres for roof - 15 metres between each chantier - 4 horses there - on returning saw the ingénieur M. Vachier very civil, gave me almost all the above renseignements - have 15 men, working alternately day and night - one man can get 2 metres canes per jour - 6 (bens, how spelt?) = 1 metre carré - 1 ben (according to the pronunciation) weighs 150 kilos and sells for 10 sols here, and 5fr. at Paris - the workmen has 2 sols per ben for getting small coal and more for getting the large (3 sols?) which sells for more - but he said the men earned about 3/50 per day - they get 10ft. thick - then if a collier gets 2 metres square of surface being 10 ft. thick he gets from 40 to 42 bens? at 2 sols, or more of the large coal of which he cannot get so much in quantity per day - great analogy between this mine and that of the 10ft. coal at Bradwell mine near Bilston in Staffordshire of which a plan was hung up in the bureau - the mine here clears about 15,000 fr. a year - I could not make him own to getting ½ for the other profit – i.e. 5 sols clear per ben - but said nothing against getting 3 sols per ben clear profit - he owned however he did not speak (very exactly) under circumstances such as at present before people etc said I had coals - 27 or 24 in. thick and could get £100 per 3100 yards (or day work) - said I should perhaps come again if he would teach me to measure etc yes! with pleasure - gave him my address at Shibden and said I should be glad to see him in England -  A- began to be frightened – I had left her 1 5 hour – not out of the mine till 6 ½ and near an hour talking to the engineer - Home at 7 40 – dinner at 7 50 – to go to Firminy at 6 ½ am tomorrow in our char of this afternoon 1 ½ poste there and same back (hard bargaining) for 11/ - wrote all the above of today till 12 5 tonight at which hour F70° very fine day - very hot - Ten minutes quietly with Miss W- her cousin came this morning.