#i am sososo lonely

[thefabulous-mostgroovy]

this is a serious question: how do you actually go out and Meet People? i have literally two friends, one of them lives in another country, and the other is always too busy to hang out. so, genuinely, how do you meet new people once you've left school?? everyone at my work is either twice my age and weird about trans people, or they're my age but we are Just Work Friends and i barely know how to talk to them.

[cathkaesque]

Terminal case of missing my bf itus

[cimicherrychanga]

btw u guys have to promise to not be mad at me for becoming ur turtle mutual. please

[gibbearish]

huh. having now understood reaching my target audience of one i think i now get why certain artists have gone batshit, and its because no matter their audience size or how explicitly they state things, no one gets what theyre actually saying

[bunflora]

having a normal one tonight

[etchabot]

You and me will all go down in history...

Collaboration with @vilesorcerer 💚

WAAAH HERE'S A HUGE COLLABORATION BETWEEN ME AND MY SWEETIE BABY HONEY ;_; i did the lines and they did sooo sososo good with like. everything else. they're amazing and i kiss them and i love them so much MWAHMWAHMWAH

we've been giving bethesda toooooo much emotional labor by putting our two men in fallout 3. donnie has been my lone wanderer since ~2017, which was one of the first things i talked about with my then friend, now partner of almost two years. elias is their character who has been through a lot but i am so honored to see how far he (and they!) have come. fallout 3 is kind of shit, but it's *the* shit, and it's *our* shit that we love so much.

this illustration comes from our ideas for an expanded fallout 3 experience which fleshes out the game's themes of destiny and morality. we talk a lot about how we might change the events of the game, particularly those involving battles at the jefferson memorial.

following a vertibird explosion, elias dives into the tidal basin after donnie. scorched debris falls around them as he attempts to pull donnie from the depths...

[puertoark]

My experience with each Amnesia game which I need to share with the world

SO UM. Hi. I fell in love with this game series its been a while and I needed somewhere to talk abt it so here I am !

I'll be depcting my unasked opinion briefly for each game bc god I have sm to talk abt every single one of them

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Everyone loves this game right right I do too BUT I must say it was personally my least favorite of the series which doesn't mean I didnt fucking loved it. Almost everything abt it is nearly perfect - the ambience and sound design specially is something so so special and dear to my heart from this game oh my

I really enjoyed the narrative too its just that.. it didnt impact me like the others did and I think most of the complaints ppl have about Rebirth are applicable here aswell

I personally felt like the pacing was kinda odd too but thats probably just me anyway I rank TDD with 6 Alexanders and 2 Servant Brutes

Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs

Idk how safe it is to say that on the internet after 10 years but I enjoyed this game sm more than I did with TDD

I know why everyone dislikes this one (no inventory + no sanity + no mechanics + L + ratio) but I gotta say I enjoyed the safer walking simulator with occasional danger like gameplay

And I like how they did it too - This was the game to introduce the flickering light mechanic to when you're in danger and I absolutely love it?? Its more subtle and haunting than the roar + music start playing when you're in danger thing. its elegant and superb MY OPINION

Talking about haunting the HORROR aspect of this HORROR game is nailed aswell in more subtle things too! The atmosphere is so fucking bizarre and oppressive sometimes when youre just reading a fucking note and digging lore like christ. how. I really do enjoy Mandus's character as a creppy factor aswell as the manpigs designs too

Not talking abt Jessica Curry's score for this game bc everyone agrees its a masterpiece

I rank this one with both Edwin and Enoch

Amnesia: Rebirth

hey guys pls stop hating on games that are actual masterpieces plss

Ok now. I too have my negatives with this game. The jumpscares in the fear mechanics. And some scripted ones too but thats it.

Tasi as a character is amazing, I love her saur much I loved the mechaninc of dont "die" or else you'll be a ghoul in ten minutes and I love how talkative she is…. ik a lot of people don't like it but I think it works just perfectly with her character - esp since shes not "alone" like the other 3 and I LOVE her relationship with her pregnancy and Amari. By the end, her story had me in pieces like no ending was satisfactory enough and…. and…..

I LOVED the scenarios and atmosphere too Frictional nailed it with art direction and sound design as ALWAYS

Amnesia: The Bunker

My second fave of the series I rank with 9 Makkas and 1 lovely Amari

I am shaking, in tears, in pieces, trembling, floored, literally on your walls

God.

This game had no right in being this haunting and sad, literally… For me this game is the one that stands out the most in the franchise. I loved how most of the storytelling was on the scenarios and events of the bunker. A quiet, superb story. I loved every single detail abt it like I literally cant even describe it

The historical context, setting, ost, gameplay, CHARACTERS LIKE… HENRI AND AUGUSTIN I AM SO SORRY SOSOSO SORRY OMFG I could spend DAYS talking about them, talking about all the nuances of this game

Ofc they nailed the atmosphere and sound design but this time its better than its ever been. Feels so lonely and isolated being Henri on the bunker then you peek outside and theres a fucking WAR ready to take his life. The war that made his bff (prob his only family) a monster and took everything of them both. How scary it is to even use a gun sometimes… absolute masterpiece. Frictional peaked hard

I rank this one with one Henri one Augustin and one rabbit toy

thank you frictional games for ruining my life with horror games that for some reason had some of the best human and existential narratives ive ever experienced

Still have to play Justine tho.

[polyamorouspunk]

omg for sleepover friday i NEED to rant about my crush cause hes so akdjakdj <33

so, of course, as is in true queer fashion, i am madly in love with my best friend - i mean what can i say? he is GORGEOUS and the most kind, caring, charismatic boy ive ever met, and ive met a LOT of boys. hes one of the only people i know that fully accept me and are 100% okay (and not secondhandedly uncomfortable) with my transness/queerness - im a t4t poly gay man.

so! we spend like every second ever together and he is so nice to me and i love being around him. the only problem here is that i have no clue if he may even ever like me back. i met him this school year, and he is very picky about who he likes / dates - hes stated it takes him years to like / get a crush on anyone - but im like . the opposite. i get crushes sososo easy and they stick like GLUE and i had a crush on him from the first time i spoke to him and he touched my face in a way that felt so insanely intimate and sweet.

anyway, to the point. we both actively yearn about how much we wish we could have a boyfriend - were both lonely gay men. why wouldnt we? - and it is so insanely painful because like. dude. im perfect for you. youre perfect for me. HOW do you not see that? :( every time he talks about something he likes in a boy it feels like hes vaguely hinting at being in love with me but i know hes not cause idk why would he be?

we text each other every time something good, bad, neutral happens. we call when we get home every day until we go to bed and we text each other when we wake up. HOW IS HE NOT MY BF :(

also the other day i wrote a paragraph ab how much i loved him (3k+ characters) and he was like “i love you” “i love you i love you i love you” and its never been so obvious to me how much im in love w someone UGH

idk why im sending this tbh maybe for advice so like 1) should i make a move and 2) how do i make a move

also for sample heres what a goodnight text from him looks like (to see if maybe im just over-exaggerating)

“Hey, imma assume ur asleep. So goodnight, I love you so much, so soooooooooooo fucking much. I cannot WAIT to see you tomorrow, goodnight and I hope you have amazing dreams 💗”

AAAAA im having a he likes me he likes me not moment tbh

Aaaah that’s so cute you HAVE to do something omg you have to bro that’s some fairy tale level shit omg go for iiiit live your best gay life 2024 let’s goooo

[starrrberry]

hii ash what is the phantom of the opera? ive heard of it and it sounds so fucking badass and i am Curious

okay. gonna write a rambly type essay. SUMMARY: so poto is originally a novel written by gaston leroux in 1909 set in france, centering a mysterious masked man, erik (aka the phantom, the opera ghost, angel of music) and a naive, kind girl who's ridiculously brave and selfless called christine. from now on ill be talking about the musical version as i am yet to read the book ! also, the pair have INCREDIBLE music ability - christine has the voice of an angel, and the phantom is incredibly skilled at many instruments as well as have the kinda voice that probably wouldve awoken smth in me when i was ten. -christine is an orphan, her father died when she was.. eight? ish. and shes just very sad and lonely. -when her dad died, he said he'll send a angrl of music to her -erik is super super obsessed with christine and kinda stalks her. but -shes like kinda chill with it at the beginning and she even follows him into his lair? which like okay you go girl or smth. -but then she finds out oh shit !!! hes kinda freaky man. and she faints <3 -if erik had his way he'd probably just force her to marry him, but problem! -another man, raoul, who is christines childhood bestie, is here. and -hes in love with her! christines also in love with him, but imo its only because he reminds her of her father (woop woop daddy issues) -THINGS HAPPEN and i cried. just trust me on this idk how to do summaries. CHARACTERS: erik - MY BOY !!!!!! hes so traumatised and he was abused a lot because he was born with a facial deformity and nobody ever touched him ever. so he just grew into this really angry, resentful but also strangely hot dude. he gets a MILD mild redemption at the end of the movie/musical, and hes the most pathetic silliest sewer man in the world im so so obsessed with him. hes a really complex character and i could get into it but i wont because its 12am. christine - in the musical/kinda movie, shes portrayed as very meek and mild. however shes really brave and kind of a badass! like "this haunted face holds no horror for me now. its your soul in which the true distortion lies" um okay?? callout i love that. shes not wrong, his soul is fuuuucked. poor boy. her mother died in childbirth, her father died when she was young, shes alone in the world apart from a scarily hot stalker whos teaching her to sing, and shes a ballet rat in the opera populaire. ill delve more into different interpretations of her in different media. raoul - pretty rich boy. also christines childhood best friend and suitor. my boy has no thoughts in his head i was him for world book day.

meg giry - christines current best friend! shes so cool in the movie shes a side but shes loyal, brave, and probably a lesbian. also shes cares so sososo much for christine im just. ough. la carlotta - they hate to see a girlboss winning :( shes literally done nothing wrong ever i adore her shes so extra and such a bitch aa <3 there are more but the first three are the most important

DIFFERENT MEDIA: theres a movie (2004) which stars gerard butler as erik and emmy rossum as christine who are both SO OSOSOSOSOOSO PRETTY !!!!!

in the movies, erik is portrayed as quite suave and dramatic, as well as agressive and fiercely obsessive. basically, the same as how he's portrayed in the rest of the media. also ! his name isnt included in both the movies or the musical. its also very aesthetically pleasing speaking of ! theres also a musical which is pretty well known, written by andrew lloyd webber. i would say my favourite actors, but it may be a little doxxy, so i'll refrain. however, i will say that sierra boggess, one of favourite christines is WOW ! she's fiesty and seductive, not as mild as the other portrayals. thats why i love the musical version, one because it is MAGICAL to watch irl and two becuase you can play around witht the characters to fit your eye. theres a book, which gives more insight into erik's past, and also several adaptations of the novel, the most notable being susan kay;s "phantom" CONTROVERSY: i will say that the toxic relationship between christine and erik is heavily romanticised, christine experiences a lot of stockholm syndrome (shes also swedish!) and she just has a Bad Time. however. its fiction and my taste in men is fucked up beyond belief! but many people dont see it that way since erik is a kidnapper/murderer, people are NOT happy that he is shipped and loved by so many people. but like man we know ! if this happened in real life we'd be outta there like a shot, if this was a REAL PERSON we would NOT be doing this! its ridiculous to me that so many people cannot grasp that this is fiction, an escape from the rules of the real world. CONCLUSION: its more than just a romance, its a study of so many different things, like how trauma can affect different people, how growing up in certain types of environments can shape a persons life. its more of a tragedy really, not a romance as much, so if you like media which leaves a hole in you only fanfic can fix this is def for you. if you want to get into it, i recommend starting with the musical or movie, probably the musical. i didnt do it justice with this ramble, honestly its incredible and theres endless interpretations and endings (i havent even mentioned the book!)

also all the songs slap and theyre majority operatic but modern!!!!!!!

[lutavero]

1, 4, 8 and 26?

How did you get into graphics/gif making? Oh wow, I... it happened so long ago omg, it's actually nearing 10 years?? 💀 believe it happened around 2014! I became sososo obsessed with the How To Train Your Dragon franchise and that led me to Tumblr because that was where the gifs were coming from to facebook and it made me make this Tumblr blog and then just fell in love with these evermovers <33 And then a kind blog explained how to download a free software so that I could make my own. <3

What do you enjoy about making graphics/gifs? The fact that I can rewatch certain scenes infinite times, that while cropping you can notice small, otherwise hidden details. Coloring and blending can be fun too! And then I get to read all of your nice little compliments in the tags or your metas. ♥♥♥ That is definitely up high on this list.

Your favorite graphic and or gif created by yourself? This got a little long 😅 I am still so!! proud of this color palette Jaskier set, this orange/gold Clary set, this TK set is just so dear to me, and then there is this set I did for @kiras-sunshine birthday last year, this Tarlos s3 pride set with this Bi!Nancy set, and special shoutout to the sets I made last year for the Lone Star Season 3 Ep and Character weeks, with a special spot being reserved for my feral cat! TK set!! The best legacy I could hope to leave!! 💖💖

Texture(s) you like! Ripped paper and bokeh!!

Ask a graphic / gif maker

[darkdoverpseeker]

🕊️🖤

[ apologies for resending this, but i’ve realise i neglected to use emojis last time. i’m sososo sorry, still learning about the tumblr rp community! 🙏 ]

hello my dead dovies!

i am a 29-year-old woman (she/her/hers) looking for another 21+ roleplay partner who has discord. please respect that i would prefer not to write with a cisman. i’m a literate writer who loves to worldbuild and am capable or multi-paragrah replies; i’d like someone with a similar skill level/passion.

i would like to begin this post discussing my one ““limit””, because i feel it’s an odd one when concerning a dead dove role play. i enjoy writing about/around/referencing/implying intimate 18+ situations, but when it comes to writing the explicit act itself, it just doesn’t interest me. i believe there are flowery ways to write about the topic, without having to get into the knitty-gritty details. again, physical attraction/acts of intimacy will take place, and we can absolutely write about them, i just prefer we go the flowery route with anything explicit.

however, other 18+ topics (such as violence, gore, drug use, illness/sickness, crime, etc) are 100% things we can dig into, deep and dirty, knitty and gritty, all of it. <3

if you’ve continued reading passed this point, then let’s move forward.

i’m specifically looking for an m/m hetalia role play. the first character i play is southern italy, and while i can write against most any character, i’ll provide a few ideas… spain, prussia, france, portugal, netherlands, denmark, russia. open to 2ps as long as they aren’t overly edgy. i would also enjoy writing greece against turkey, but only turkey.

the plot/story idea i’m looking for is also somewhat specific.

i’m craving a stalk/victim roleplay. potentially (hopefully) with a decent age-gap, though with both characters still being 18+. idc we’re glorifying this horrible scenario because i love this trope. :)

this would be a humanverse au, or some variation of a modern omegaverse au, and whoever you choose to play would be an intimacy seeking stalker (and an alpha if applicable). tl;dr, an intimacy seeking stalker is typically someone who is (often, but not explicitly) lonely, and becomes romantically/intimately obsessed with/protective of their target, sometimes to the point of misinterpreting the actions or words of the victim as meant for them, or even perceiving an actual relationship between the two of them. we can also throw in a good ole dose of obsessive love disorder, which basically exacerbates this type of stalking. old “presents as an overwhelming, obsessive desire to protect and possess another person.” less likely to be violent/pushy/angry than other types of stalkers, though they can certainly delve into those things. after all, there are obviously going to be darker/taboo aspects of this plot.

i want us to play with all the classic stalker moves/tropes — leaving mail and gifts, taking photos, peeping through windows, knowing where they live, knowing their phone number, breaking in… i do not want to portray any physical violence from the stalker towards the target, though manipulation isn’t off the table.

in this roleplay i’d like for the stalking to start out small/slow/subtle, and escalate over time. i will likely portray lovino as initially put off, but eventually giving in/playing along. like i said, we’re glorifying this awful trope so there will be some level of reciprocation at some point.

like this and i’ll send you a message asap!

like if interested!

[loserfrankenstein]

the problem is that i AM lonely and my mum is right except its not bc of phones or bc nobody calls each other anymore or whatever the fuck its bc everyone i see on a daily basis i harbor a strangely strong sense of distrust towards and would honestly prefer to not hang out with them in my free time ever . and the ppl i do like are either sososo fucking busy or in different countries

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ari you've outdone yourself again... i have no words

referring to suguru by his last name... oh the distance.. the yearning... the sadness of the reader which hurts me to see (please be happy together!) the sweets. this drabble wrecked me and wrung me dry.

i really love the movie playing in the back, the violence that suguru finds solace in, the lack of uncertainty in who hurt who. maybe that shared experience is why they both still hold so much love for each other, willing to lend their hearts to one another again

suguru's dull sense of taste and the cigarettes. oh my lord you capture adult/cult leader geto so well there's just something very tragic and lonely about him, but he's still brimming with love... the macarons. and yes everything you said abt him is TRUE!!! the intense stare. the heavy presence. poh my lord........ i dropped everything to read this and as always it's written so beautifully and feels so natural. you did a Great job!!!!!! 🌖

🌖 ANON MY ANGEL I’M SMOOCHING YOU SO GENTLY <333333333333

you’re always sososo sweet!!!!!!!! i can’t believe how fast you were with this one 😭😭 I’M GONNA CRYYY ILYSB…….. tysm for reading. and enjoying. and taking the time to tell me abt it :’3 i appreciate it sosomuch!!!!

AND AS ALWAYS YOU GET IT COMPLETELY???? wahhhh….. the dynamic…… the themes……… the tiny details. that’s exactly what i wanted to convey!!! 🥺🥺 the sense of distance with his last name, the silent yearning…. and the movie!!!! you put it so perfectly i’m actually in awe. the violence that suguru finds solace in, the lack of uncertainty in who hurt who!!!!!! yes!!!!!!! sugu watches the movie and finds it beautiful, finds that kind of heavy love beautiful, but it just makes reader feel sick. they find solace in the tenderness and sugu finds solace in the violence. :’3 and yes, i completely agree!!! i think their shared love and pain binds them together whether they like it or not… neither one of them ever stopped loving the other. like reader said, that’s their sin.

AND CULT LEADER GETO!!!!! ohhhhh 🌖 anon you have no IDEA how overjoyed i am that you like my take on him he’s literally my princess…… i love him so much and i agree wholeheartedly when you call him sad and lonely 😭😭 he’s so, so lonely!!!! and there really is so much sadness still inside of him. and a lot of softness too!!! i wanted the final scene to be heartbreaking for both people because reader can’t help but cry over what they lost, and geto can’t help but hate himself for making them cry. i wanted the ”i’m sorry” to feel ambigious in who said it bc it could really be either one of them (but obv geto murmurs several apologies after too….) they make me feel. a little ill..

anyway i’m getting carried away as always LMAO but!!!!! thank you so much for always being such a sweetheart!!!!! your comments mean so much to me <33333 i’m cradling you very close to my chest and rocking us both back n forth <3333333333

[fluffypeachwriting]

HIIIII !!!! OH MY GOD HI HELLO IM SORRY FOR COMING HERE AND BEING SO LOUD AND NOISY BUT I JUST FINISHED READING UR STRAWBERRY AND POCKY FANFIC AND OH MY GODDD I AM OBSESSED WITH IT. IVE BEEN BINGE READING IT AAAALLLL DAY AND I AM SOO IN LOVE WITH IT. YOUR WRITING IS SOOOO GOOD IM LIKE !!!!! MAN !!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS !!!!!!!

I WANNA TAKE OFF CAPS BUT IM LIKE. CRYING SOBBING SHASKING DYING /pos SO LIKE OMGGG I NEED TO RANTT,,,,I LOVE LOVE LOVEEE HOW U WROTE THIS,,,ICHIRO WAS SO CUTE AND ALSO SOO HOT OH MY GODDD ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. I WANT TO DRAW FANART OF THIS SO BADLT LIKE. I HAVE TO. THIS IS TOO GOOD. ALSO THE RELATIONSHIP WITH ICHIRO AND THE READER DIDNT FELT RUSHED OR ANYTHING!! IT WAS SO GOOD,, WHICH IS ONLY NATURAL CUZ THIS IS ALMOST LIKE 60K IN TOTAL BUT STILL !! ALSO UR WRITING OHHH MY GODDDD UR WRITING,,,,I HAVE BEEN STRUCK WITH INSPIRATION AFTER READING THIS- IM LIKE !!1 WOW !!!!! I WANNA WRITE TOO !!!! :D IT WAS JUST SOOO !!!! AGHHHH IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT WITHOUT ME SCREAMING HERE HEELPP...IT WAS JUST SO GOOD !!

ALSO ALSO WHEN ICHIRO LEFT AND THE READER DIDNT KNOW WHATS UP,,, U LIKE CONVEY EMPTINESS AND LONELINESS SOOO WELL!! LIKE,,, IDK MAN I JUST. I FELT THE SADNESS....IT HITS!!!

ALSO ALSO I THINK IT WAS IN CHAPTER 17 WHERE UR LIKE DESCRIBING ICHIROS FEELING AND AND WAS THAT A HANAHAKI REFERENCE??????? IM PRETTY SURE IT IS BUT REGARDLESS THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE WAS SO !! WOW !!!!!!! I LOVE IT SOO MUCH AAAA I LOVE THIS SOSOSO MUCH IM SUCH A BIG FAN OF THIS,,,,HUGE FAN EVEN !!!! You did a wonderful job with this and i genuinely cant wait to start reading ur other fics!! :3 HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!! <3

Thank you so much!!!! It makes me so happy to see people enjoying what I write!!! I still check my notes all the time even though I haven't posted in a while ;; you have a lot of posts on here to get through so I hope you enjoy!! Don't apologise for ranting in my inbox, it actually makes me so happy to receive positive comments of any kind! I don't want people together the impression that I've abandoned this blog or anything but at the same time I don't wanna make a bunch of irrelevant posts all the time and get peoples hopes up about more fic orz

I had a lot of fun creating a characterisation of Ichiro (and the others) that fit with the fic and my personal interpretation of him, while also keeping true to canon as much as I could, so it's so much of a relief to see feedback from people who liked it!

I was listening to Purple Eyeshadow by Furihata Ai on loop while writing the chapter of the same name (the lonely chapter you're probably talking about) if you want to experience what kind of vibe I was going for there ♡ the song is about a wildly different situation tho lmao

I'm not sure what part of ch17 you're referencing sorry but I don't recall adding a hanahaki reference in there, but it's very cool that you saw that in there!

I hope you have a wonderful day too! ☆

[hyuckmov]

HIII JING DROPPING BY HERE TO SAY HI MY GOD THERE WAS SO MANY THINGS THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK ><

I attended tds2 in my country in my gosh post concert depression is really hitting me hard rn 😭 BUT OVERALL IT WAS QUITE FUN I SAW MARK AND HAECHAN LIKE TWICE NOW THE FIRST ONE ONE BEING IN 127 THE LINK FKEKNDBDHDKDKDK

i keep laughing at my fancams tho because of my ridiculous screams that sound like i'm fighting someone or generally barking HAHHHAHAHAHA

I AM HAECHAN BIASED BUT OH MY GOD JAEMIN IS JUST SO GORGEOUS AND REALLY KNOWS HOW TO INTERACT WITH THE CROWD >< (tied very much still to haechan tho no one can escape him)

ANYWAY HOW ARE YOUUUU MY FAVE FIC WRITER?? 🥺 tell me how your week went!

i see that u went out drinking AND I HOPE U HAD FUN!! ALSO OH MY GOSH UR WORKING ON TWO (?) NEW STORIES AND I CAN'T HELP BUT GET EXCITED EVER SINCE HIMBO HAECHAN WAS RELEASED 😩😩

I HOPE U ARE WELL AND PLEASE TAKE CARE OF URSELF OKAAYYYY TAKE UR TIME WITH UR WIPS I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM YOU!! 💕

- 💛

HIII SLAYYY to ur eventful week!!! omg pcd is the worst. i had a photo of jaehyun from the 127 concert that i used as my wallpaper and i would literally just stare at it and my friends would be like... ENOUGH. but also you are so luckyyy to have this experience like MAHAE TWICE??? IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUUU i hope it was the best best time evevrrr and you got to make a lot of memories :)

im so stressed whenever i take videos for concerts bc i'm scared my voice will be picked up. when i went for the dpr live concert, it picked up the voice of this girl next to me and GIRL. i was so upset... bc it was so distracting. i'm literally trying to go for a concert twice so i can scream in one of them and just record videos in the other one 😭😭😭 but also im considering selling that ticket and buying one for another artist hehe

JAEMINNNN (growling rn) my feelings for him have been out of control recently. i know idols are just curated images, but damn...his is curated so fucking well... ,istening to ariana grande and niki in his room...grocery shopping in LA... his smile and hsi ARMS and his arms and his arms......wna fall into his chest i am so insane he is sooo it's all so intentional. THE WAY him and hyuck look at each other sometime during concerts???? if i were haech i would be backstage asking him WHAT ARE WE!!!!!

HOW MY WEEK WENTTT i finished up my internship!!! it actually went pretty well bc i rounded it up with a presentation on a research project i did and i tried really hard w it and i was validated w my efforts!!! i got to see my friends a little and irrelevant and tmi but i think im so lonely im going insane bc im kind of having feelings for my best friend but it might be because i dont see him a lot so i'm. trying to quit bc its so embarrassing... next week i have a bunch of interviews so WISH ME LUCKKK 😭😭😭😭

also this is so lame of me but when i drink im mostly NOT drinking outside im drinking... at home? or at a friend's place? LET ME EXPLAIN see it's because 1-2 drink jing is DIZZY. that's my first reaction to being drunk and it's so LAME and terrible in public spaces because i do the ditzy stumbling around and typing terribly on my phone (fun fact i got drunk at a school function once bc soju looks like water and we smuggled it in) and i literally almsot FELL down the stairs in front of my teachers it was. not good. anyway yeah thats why i dont really drink in clubs and bars (ALSO because it's so expensive there 😭) 😞😞😞😞😞  but i'm having a lot of fun i usually have plain soju but today i had whiskey!!!

i AM working hard on my stories and im exicted to share them with you when i'm done!! thank you for always being supportive of me and my efforts <3 i appreciate and luv u so os sososo much

[cat-sapphics]

fuck it imma dump aroace c!tommy on y’all, this is gonna be a long one...

gonna take a break from focusing on twitter for the moment and talk about a hc that’s going around the mcyt fandom but isn’t quite popular enough yet imo. original idea certainly isn’t mine but instead of “it just makes sense” i’ve compiled SO MUCH to make it all add up perfectly!!

he's a very unstable and insecure character, yeah? so he doesn't want people to know things about him that probably aren't "normal" - Especially since there are so fucking many romantic relationships on the dream smp, i guess it's kinda expected of him since ranboo and tubbo got together so openly. but he's aroace, so if he does get into a relationship he won't feel any real romantic or physical attraction and he won't be happy. to cover this, this explains why his whole entire bit is all "i love women and girls and i am very straight but also since twitter is canon i might jokingly be lesbian actually and i very much get lots of pussy and i have sex with girls every night and GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS" blah blah blah. it's so abnormal and strange that it's just a poor attempt at a cover-up, which only kinda works because everyone else obviously knows it's a cover-up but they are just stumped at what for?? he's afraid that since he's so hated on the server already, if he fails to conform to their expectations he'll just be cast out even more. obviously that wouldn't happen, but considering how young he is and how much trauma he's been through, it's reasonable (and actually very normal) for his brain to just shut down all logical thinking and water it all down to "act in a way so as to survive."

but then it doesn’t even stop there - last night i saw someone point out that THOSE cat/mellohi discs are green and purple, which perfectly go hand-in-hand with the colors of the aro and ace flags that aren’t on the grayscale. and i FLIPPED. OUT. because honestly?? obviously there was more to it than just this, but i like to think that at least part of the reason why people failed to grasp his obsession/connection with those discs that he ruined relationships with others over was due to the comfort he found in those colors, almost as if it’s subtle pride “merch” for himself that didn’t raise any questions in that direction.

and THEN i realized that the allium flower is one single item consisting of both purple and green, so as the number one allium duo enthusiast, i just had to bring ranboo into it somehow, which actually came really easily because i knew just what to do: while ranboo is trying his best to make amends with tommy for whatever reason he’s so hostile to the enderboy for (which tommy refuses to disclose; nothing’s ever confused ranboo more), he does what he does best and simply wants to be there for him during whatever he’s doing through - but while doing so, he accidentally puts too much pressure on tommy to spill it all and kinda forces his little secret about being “broken” out of him completely by accident. ranboo feels bad of course, so he makes it clear that said secret is safe with him (he won’t even tell tubbo without permission, and that is very important to tommy because he doesn’t wanna potentially lose his best friend more than he already has) and that being aroace does Not, in fact, make him broken. ranboo picks an allium from the flower forest nearby and gives it to him the next day, their unspoken symbol of trust and acceptance between each other now.

and honestly? if that’s not enough allium duo bonding content for you? i can keep going! to me, c!ranboo is VERY MUCH heavily-coded to be nonbinary (unaligned but not agender imo, i haven’t decided on that yet) and biromantic-asexual. so he tells tommy this that at least for one half of his orientation, he is not alone, and not only that, but he finds comfort in the neopronouns end/ends and voi/void - he just hasn’t told anyone except tubbo beforehand because he’s afraid of receiving judgement as well. and so, they’re in this safe little lonely box together. :]

sooooo yeah, that just about does it for now! i’ll keep adding as i see fit because i love writing this stuff sososo much and projecting lgbt identities onto characters is so deeply important and personal to me <3