#i am sorry to my family for my financial irresponsibility.

[phanyaoi]

okay, i got the para social social club sweater too. theyve got me in a fucking chokehold okay.

[geissorhiza]

I really hate the "Oh my family was never well off we could just all afford to go on overseas vacations every year" sorts of people. Trying to talk with these people about any life experiences of being genuinely poor is fucking mind-numbing. I feel sorry your parents were so poor and you could only afford to travel to Italy once every summer. What a tragedy. When I was a kid we were too poor to even have our own home to live in. Do talk a bit more condescendingly towards me about everything financial and tell me how irresponsible and dumb I am for not investing 1000€ into stocks.

[webercarrier2b]

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[lionews]

sooo i saw the original post "calling out" the mawde person for neglecting their animals and.. I ain't seeing this evil person you're trying to paint. It sounds like a teenager, a minor with irresponsible parents. (TW for animal death and issues)

As a teenager my family lived in a really bad spot. We had animals that I couldn't do anything for when they got sick and died. It was extremely traumatizing watching them literally waste away and die in front of me because I didn't even have a phone to call someone to come get them or help me. Was I responsible for that? Was I the abuser? Fuck no. I was the victim, they were the victim. My parents were neglectful and didn't care about their lives as they deemed them lesser and "not important".

So I can absolutely see the issues that October's friend could be going through. There's a chance that they were/are being raised in a household that just replaces animals when they get sick, they could be struggling financially- though I doubt it if the person was able to buy those extremely expensive snakes. Unless they earned/saved that money which is likely. When young you're extremely impressionable and kinda go along with things, if you're not taught to just stick with what you have you'll just continue to get more for that dopamine boost. I have no doubt that they love(d) their pets but are in a bad situation. I am in NO WAY condoning animal abuse, so if you get that from this post, get your fucking head checked. I am trying to offer a new perspective. Do not blame children/teenagers for their parents' irresponsibilities.

Also I'm sorry October but if you're a minor then by definition you are a child, even if it doesn't feel like it.

.

[jerrardsjournal]

AN OPEN LETTER TO BLACK WOMEN.

i wanna open my letter to y’all by saying I love y’all. My life is dedicated to finding me a beautiful black woman and loving her in ALL WAYS always. i am a flawed man that has definitely disappointed a few women along this journey of understanding what truly matters in regards to love. BUT IM STILL HERE. finding new layers to love and to myself all with one goal: to find me a black woman who i can give my all too.

a quick search will show you that historically speaking black men go for other races way more than black women. On the flip side, y’all stayed looking for love from a black man and that type’a loyalty should be rewarded from us. And i’m deeply sorry that we’ve let a lot of y’all down.

I hope that whoever reads this knows that, while we (black men) DEFINITELY need to improve, it’s not all without reason. It’s widely documented that as a black man we’re at the bottom of the hierarchy and that position comes with its own unique set of plights. i’ll use the most overused example: money.

For a black man finding a career that leads to success is like finding a needle in a haystack. From family dynamics, environment, and a lack of proper educational resources, black men are at a disadvantage when it comes to finding a career.

And as it becomes more difficult to live comfortably in america without high skill level jobs (one’s that we don’t get because america has deemed us incapable) black men are pushed further behind. Our value as a black man in America is deemed by how much more money can we make the establishment than other black men. Imo, that’s the only way to get these top tier jobs. Whereas other races just show up as themselves because america has accepted them. that’s how they keep blacks in the rat race.

Shit goes even deeper when you think about how society puts so much emphasis on money determining the value of a man only to offer black people less for simply being black. i’ve seen the stories of black people applying for jobs and getting offered less compensation than their peers with similar credentials.

a lot of discourse online right now is in response to Tyler Perry and his stance on relationships. I do believe he’s right when he suggests realigning your priorities to find love. i simply wish he wouldn’t have solely directed his comments toward BW and accepting less when they deserve MORE.

His example of a man only being able to pay the light bill and for BW to be okay with that is irresponsible. It’s based in hyperbole and doesn’t truly address the nuance of dating and finding love as a whole.

now i’m sure there are situations where, depending on relationship dynamics, a BM might only have enough for one bill because of other financial obligations and hardships. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, not all of us are destined for 6 figure lifestyles. & not all of us are going to be able to overcome the handicaps that come with being black.

If a man finds a woman to accept him and his circumstances then HE HAS to pour into her in other ways. He has to remove himself from the idea that money/sex is the only thing that determines his value. because i guarantee you that only being able to pay one bill will make him insufferable. He’s going to look past all the other ways he could bring value simply because he’s not able to provide in the way he wants. Then he’s going to take it out on his partner because his ego is bruised which causes him to be spiteful. AND…in all of that STILL expect the BW to be there to make him feel better. THATS WRONG!

we need to be teaching our BM how to overcome these obstacles built to tear down black people as a whole. Financial literacy, proper support of our BW, changing societal influences, etc. Its not the responsibility of BW to accept less. It’s our responsibility to do more.

i think people as a whole need to remove the importance money/success plays into their lives. Stop using what white people have historically done and trying to mimic that for your own lives. They operate within a set of rules that we’ve never been afforded. And even with the rules in their favor not all white people get to see the generational wealth we all so desperately want.

Harsh truths are helpful towards progress. so i think it’s important to say that some of us aren’t going to acquire crazy success to live an above average life by financial metrics. Most BM are going to need the help of a BW to build a lifestyle that suits their needs and desires.

if you don’t want to accept that then i see one of two outcomes: you being alone until you get where you want be in life cause you don’t wanna waste time/hurt someone. or you hurting someone cause you can’t handle being alone while also devaluing your worth because you don’t have money to back it up.

with all that i leave off with two things:

BM - it’s time for us to start correcting each other properly. It’s time to spread the message that it’s on us to do more. and that doesn’t have to always mean money. work on your character, your mindset to relationship commitment, your ability to love your BW fully on a consistent basis and what that truly means.

BW - my questions to you all are: when can we discuss the adverse effects of y’all loving black men so much that y’all treat us as a monolith when we all aren’t the same? When will black men get grace for being brought up in a society that historically disenfranchised them? being brought up in a society that doesn’t promote the highest levels of love and companionship but instead promotes surface level intimacy disguised as love. all the while stripping black people of a family unit to protect us from that influence. yes, we have hurt so many of y’all countless times. but grace isn’t y’all sticking around because you love us. grace isn’t attributing mistakes to a black man’s character in perpetuity. For example if a man lies, that doesn’t make him a liar FOREVER;he just lied in his past. but a man that murders is a murderer FOREVER because that’s too extreme to shed off. however, i feel like there’s no difference between the two with y’all.

PS: i hope one day we can all see that america destroyed the black family and left black people to fight amongst ourselves over who’s to blame for that. and who’s to blame for us hurting each other from the pain of living our reality for the past 400+ years.

[gallifreyan-ginger-sociopath]

(This message contains dark subject matter, it is in reference to your anti-vax families reblog and I wished to share my story. Please delete this if it’s too heavy for you right now).

I’m an adult, but I am financially (and somewhat physically, as I suffer severe mental illness that requires aid) dependent on my family, who is antivax. It is not only frustrating, but humiliating that I cannot muster the courage to sneak the vaccine, but the fact is if I was caught having it my family would explode on me, and honestly I lack the spine to live through that because I’m already in turmoil with them being supportive of me.

I want nothing more than to get the vaccine, I celebrate whenever my family comes closer to accepting it, but that is an unlikely chance. I have attempted to seek out options where I can receive it under the table, like without giving my name, but understandably most won’t allow it. I fully support the vaccination, but I would be lying if I said the “get the vaccine or die” talk wasn’t getting to me.

(This is the dark part) there have been times I have considered suicide because of it, because I feel like I’m adding to the problems of the world by being too pathetic to just stand up to my caregivers, but I’m terrified of being abandoned. I sometimes feel that it’s “the best best thing I can, or even should do.” I know these thoughts are a symptom of my mental illness and do not reflect reality, but the fact that there are some who think that way… I don’t blame them but it’s strange knowing that if I wanted to hurt myself emotionally I could easily find countless posts wishing death upon me.

I never thought my adult life would look like this.

There is a big difference between being unable to get the vaccine and being willfully ignorant. You deserve no ill will and I wish you only the best. I'm sure you're taking every step to be safe that you can, and I hope you're someday able to take the other steps to safety that you can't right now. It's not an easy situation and I hope it gets better for you, and if you need to talk I'm here.

The ONLY people I have no sympathy for are those who willfully, intentionally reject science because their need to be "right" and "special" outweighs all sense of responsibility. That does not sound like you in the least.

I hope that you are safe, that you continue to be safe, and that the irresponsibility of people around you doesn't cause you to get sick. Please know that I have no ill will towards you or anyone else who is unable to get the vaccine. There is a huge difference between being unable and being able but willfully choosing not to.

Anti-vaxxers deserve ire and scorn, but we do need to be careful to make the distinction between the actual anti-vaxxers and those who are simply being manipulated and hurt by them. Honestly, most of my hatred for anti-vaxxers is on behalf of the people who depend on them for safety, kids, dependents, etc., who they're hurting with their ignorance. For example, the kids who die of measles because their mom decided her ten minutes of googling outweighed all of medical science. It's the worst and most unfair on them. I try to make that distinction whenever possible. I'm sure I miss it sometimes, but I do try.

I've gone a little long-winded, but to sum it up: I am sorry you've got a double-edged sword against you right now, between the anti-vaxx people you depend upon scorning the vaccine, and everyone who's tired of this pandemic understandably scorning them. You deserve no ire from either side, because you've done nothing wrong. The fact that you want the vaccine makes me sure you're doing what you can to be safe. So just continue to do what you can to be safe. None of my ire is ever directed towards you, and I'm sorry other people direct it there where it doesn't belong. I wish you all the best, and I hope that you find yourself in a situation, sooner rather than later, where you are free to take ALL of the steps you can for your continued safety.

If you want to talk or vent or anything, I'm here.

[araingirl]

The story of my life.....

So, gotta share something very personal of my life which was kept as a secret from almost all my buddies. I’m not seeking someone’s attention, but I am rather sharing it because you all are like my family members here :) 

When I was only 15-16, I completed school (Grade 10) with an excellent result. Then, I attended the admission test of the most reputed girls’ college in Bangladesh (And got selected from almost 10,000 candidates as one of the lucky 750s). But...

My mom is the principal of another local college in our area. As a result, I was well-acquainted with the teachers of that college and respected them a lot. In fact, they were also quite affectionate towards me (Only a misunderstanding of me it was). So, dad forced me and mom to get me admitted in the local college. Though he only thought for my well-being and my troubles because the college where I got selected was quite far from our house. On the other hand, mom’s college was quite closer. I was wishing a lot to study in the reputed college (Why not? After all, struggling and working hard a lot, I got selected there. How will you feel if you don’t get to eat a fruit which has grown in the tree only because of your hard work and struggles?). But mom couldn’t stand before dad with my request. Since those teachers (Mom’s colleagues) were also requesting, I agreed and got admitted to that local college, thinking about them and some financial issues. 

And the misfortune started only after that... 

One of the reasons for which I accepted to get admitted to that local college was my best friend because she promised to me that she would stay with me. When I got admitted, all my friends ditched me and left for better colleges (Yeah, just like Tyson and I had no Hiromi or Daichi or Kenny or Hiro xD). Yet, I consoled my mind, saying “I’ll get better classmates”. 

Frankly speaking, they all were dumb-brained (Idk how they got admission to college) who only craved to copy my notes (But when it came their turn to help me, they turned out selfish). Yet, I gave up on them, thinking, “If the teachers are good and caring, I won’t look at anything else). 

And...the teachers...they pinned the last nail in the coffin of my hopes, totally sealing it. (I’m not talking about all of them, the math teacher, the computer and the English were very helpful and affectionate but they really couldn’t do that much for me except enhancing my skills. I don’t blame them, they were helpless too in this case). But the rest of the teachers weren’t helpful...they were careless, irresponsible, harsh and cruel. Their input was less but they used to expect a bigger output from me. I used to work hard and hard but they never appreciated my efforts. Even they turned away from me most of the times whenever I needed their help. But whenever I made a mistake, they used to behave as if I’d committed any crime. Chemistry teacher was the worst of all. One day, she was teaching us a topic and asked a question from a future topic which wasn’t taught to us in grade 10. A student spoke, “Sorry Ma’am, we haven’t learnt it yet.” She simply said, “If you still haven’t learnt it, why do you spend so much money of your parents behind tuition?” 

And...the sky fell on my head... 

Believe me, getting mentally tortured by the teachers whom you respected and trusted the most, for whom you got admitted to this college, without caring at anything else and tolerating all the taunts...is literally painful. I...I tried to tell it to everybody but no one never listened to me (Except my mom of course). The taunts of other friends who used to study in more famous colleges were inflaming. The bullying, leg-pulling of less brilliant classmates was intolerable. 

And it happened. I took suicide attempt one day. 

Thankfully, mom saved me (She is still my best friend and I love her more than anyone else in this world. Now, thankfully, I am earning my own money and handover a portion of my income to the hands of my mom because I trust her the most in this world. I’m thankful to her). After lots of visits to the chamber of psychiatrist and counseling, I got alright. I started studying with double passion, concentration and determination. In the boards, I not only pulled myself but also pulled all my classmates who were weaker than I. That time, the result of the science department of my college excelled (Though nobody thanked me for it except my classmates, I’m happy). 

Then, the admission season for university began. Alhamdulillah, I got selected for almost all the reputed universities of Bangladesh wherever I sat for admission test. Even a public medical college is also included in that list but since engineering was my passion, I got admitted to it for achieving my dream. 

Even after it, I didn’t receive congratulations from most of my friends who left me for a better college and most of the college teachers. (One day, I met one of them and you know what she told me? She spoke, “I expected better marks from you in the boards”. Another was like, “Your position is not so good”. What do you feel after it?) Anyways, I don’t expect anything from them...they didn’t even congratulate me when I used to excel in internal exams of the college). 

And now, I don’t pay any heed to them. xD 

My new friends and classmates are awesome, my new professors are also very kind and supportive. Even if they weren’t, it wouldn’t be a big deal for me because through these years, I learnt to find happiness, positivity in everything. Now, I’m an optimistic, happy, positive girl (Though I get angry sometimes, losing my temper, it isn’t a big deal, is it?) 

Thanks for reading :) 

[sheofthebookandsong]

Jane Austen Characters Who Deserved Better

I am having myself an Austen day while in lockdown, so here I shall present to you a list of all the Austen characters who deserved much better than they got in the narrative (yes some of these may be controversial):

(1) Colonel Brandon - The age gap with Marianne may have been a tad creepy, but this man is still a selfless sweetheart who deserved better than Marianne settling for him as her second choice. 

(2) Charlotte Lucas - She marries Collins. COLLINS. Need I say more?

(3) Lydia Bennett - You can all fight me on this one. Is she thoughtless? Yes. Selfish? Yes. Immature? Yes. But she is also 15, has had awful parenting so is lacking in good role models, and at the end of the day she is just as much Wickham’s victim as Georgiana was. Poor girl’s gonna be stuck in an awful marriage forever because of stupid decisions she made as a teenager. 

(4) Fanny Price - She’s not only the heroine but also literally the only likeable character in Mansfield Park. And she marries her idiot cousin Edmund, who she thinks she’s in love with because (a) he’s the only person who’s ever bothered to be even mildly nice to her, and (b) she’s seen nothing of the world. Plus, he fails to even notice her romantically until about the last three pages of the book, because it takes him that long to notice that Mary Crawford is Bad News, which Fanny has known THE ENTIRE TIME. Seriously, get this girl somebody who’ll give her all the love and appreciation she truly deserves. And who can give her a good orgasm without it being creepy AF because he’s her COUSIN. 

(5) Miss Bates - We all know Emma has a mean streak, and that Miss Bates can be overly talkative and annoying, but at the end of the day Miss Bates is not only harmless, but she goes out of her way to try and help people and be a sweetheart. And Emma publicly humiliated her. I think my True Austen Love Knightley sums it up best: ‘Badly done, Emma.’ 

(6) Anne Elliot - She made a mistake turning Wentworth down. She screwed up big time. And she knows it. She lives with that mistake for eight YEARS, eight years in which she’s largely ignored and taken advantage of by her shallow, selfish family, eight years in which she sinks into melancholy and worries that she’s completely missed her chance - yet still she does her best to take care of everyone around her, even when she’s given no thanks or appreciation at all. Thank god she, unlike most of these characters, got the PROPER happy ending with her soulmate that she deserved. She got her second chance. 

(7) Mrs Smith - This woman had to suffer SUCH a fall from grace; widowed, very ill and sunk into poverty on the death of her spendthrift, irresponsible husband, and betrayed and refused financial assistance by somebody she had considered a close friend. And yet, she somehow manages to remain optimistic and gracious. What a legend.

(8) Bonus: Young Stringer from ITV’s adaptation of Sanditon, played by the wonderful Leo Suter - This one doesn’t really count because the series is very loosely based on Austen’s work and Stringer is more Andrew Davies’s creation than Austen’s. Nevertheless, Stringer is a pure, kindhearted, ambitious and talented architect, determined to become a self-made man, much in the same vein as Persuasion’s Captain Wentworth. And instead of a happy ending, he got rejected by the woman he fell in love with, and had his hopes and dreams destroyed when the town he had worked on so hard went up in flames, taking his beloved father’s life with it - and while they were mid-argument as well. He may not truly be Austen’s character, but NOBODY deserved better, or was treated worse. JUSTICE FOR STRINGER.

And I love Catherine Morland with all my heart and probably relate to her more than any other Austen character - but even I have to admit that all of the characters in Northanger Abbey are utterly ridiculous and cause all of their problems with their own stupidity. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk - sorry it got a bit long but I have a lot of feelings XD Let me know if there’s anyone I’ve missed out, or if you want to fight me on any of these, and I shall be more than happy to oblige!

P.S. I will forever love and stan Jane Austen - but not only did she hurt all of these characters (ok, except for Stringer), but she also publicly dissed the wonderful and badass Paget family. So I have learnt to take everything she said with a large pinch of salt. #ProtectThePagets

[the-stoned-priestess]

hey, can i get a free reading? pandemic made me think about a lot of things and question my path, and i am confused about everything, but now i am sure about many things that i wasn't early. can you sense the energy of that the gap of 2/3 years ahead of my life? (sorry, english in not my native language) my initials: lvr ♒♊♏

This year the focus is on the situation or a pause in progress which causes great dissatisfaction, anxiety, or depression, and on a re evaluation of goals, aspirations, or life itself.

You want to be productive, make more money, or move on to something else entirely.

Someone or something will inadvertently provide the means for you to turn a frustrating or negative situation into extremely positive one.

You'll be dissatisfied with your progress and experience anxiety about your business or financial state, and will want to be much more successful or solvent.

Your attitude will be unresponsive, apart, or indifferent toward people and events because of a deep seated depression stemming from wanting to succeed but feeling that every effort has come to naught and there's nothing you can do to change it.

You may be spending Samsung better times at home.

This year unfortunately, you won't see the results youth hope to see and will find it very hard to get yourself established.

You will be grateful for a new possession or gift.

Don't attempt to take on more than is as yet safe or sound. New ideas will come to the fore that will help you carry on or ensure a successful outcome.

Because you are determined to succeed, you will apply the type of constructive energy it takes to ensure success.

Within 2 years

The focus will be shifted on books, research, study, or the occult, trying to get an idea across to others, resolution or results come up the home in personal property, magnetism, attraction, And/or romance.

You will want the work you do to mean something or to have value for others and/or you want to enlist the aid of another.

Many social opportunities will come your way and/or someone will enter your life in whom you will be very interested. A professional type person and you will meet this person very close to your home, if not outside your front door.

In business comment people will not respond favourably or accept what you have to offer or sell. However, they will respond very favourably in the friendship or romantic department.

Some type of metaphysical, psychic, or clairvoyant skill will be required in the work that you do, and/or you will have the opportunity to branch out into a new and different area.

You will tend to scatter your forces or you will feel scattered, but being run others will be good therapy.

You're going to experience problems on the home front. Better keep your attitude in check so you won't get sucked into an emotional storm or a situation you'd rather not be in.

Your greatest success within 2 years will come through your ability to make a favourable impression on others, thus attracting gifs, favours, special consideration, or advantage.

In 2 years you'll be grateful for a cut in expenses may be medical, for the speedy delivery of money or something purchased, and for a romantic introduction or opportunity.

Use your charm, persuasion, and whatever resource that's available, and then let the cosmic forces direct your course or reveal that which is hidden. In time, you will see that your prayers have been answered.

You're going to have invisible help or guidance in your work or affairs but agents or go betweens will prove to be a disappointment, in something will come up to keep your wish about, or Union with, another from materialising at this time.

Within 3 years

In the next 3 years the focus will be on communication, expansion, and mental absorption, arts or media arts, contacts those in positions of power, authority, or influence, completing old projects in beginning new ones.

You will want to make money, or be more successful, and/or unite or reunite with someone.

Expect an impasse, a lover is not going to act or call as expected in it's going to annoy you because you will feel that it was thoughtless, inconsiderate, or irresponsible.

You will associate with gifted, influential, or powerful people who will be instrumental in your life or in that which concerns you.

The give-and-take will be lacking in your relationship in your efforts to communicate or pull together will fall on deaf ears. You will have problems related to children, community, work, or time investments.

You're emotions will be buried under mental activity any will be preoccupied and completely absorbed.

You will want to escape from responsibilities toward your family, but won't.

In 3 years your success will come through admirers of the opposite sex Kama business and social activities, and any project that deals with the public or professions.

You will be grateful for help, praise, or assistance from a professional.

Be patient, persistent, in diligent in your affairs.

You will be completing an era in closing the door to the past to begin a new, in a new direction.

[funkymbtifiction]

IDK who I am?

Ok so this is kind of a whole ass mess, I started off with a question that would make it a useful read for everyone and not a waste of time, but it ended up being a bit of a personal advice question so I hope that’s ok.

What would cause unhealthiness in a type? Most of the time, i feel like i’m a healthy ENTP, but multiple arguments with my ESFJ (or ESTJ?) mom have caused me to seriously doubt myself in many ways over the years. I read that an unhealthy ENTP can be argumentative, unwilling to drop arguments, etc. These are all things my mom tells me I do, along with not taking responsibility and making excuses. I’m 18 now and we don’t argue that much but we did a lot when I was around 13-15 and kind of, ya know, going through it as teenagers do. And since my mom has basically always used these same digs at me, I’ve assumed that maybe that’s the reason that it really hurts whenever those same digs are brought up now, and basically I have a lot of self doubt and am insecure about being an immature version of my type (because that would mean that i’ve been in the wrong in so many instances in my life if everything my mom says about me is true, and i think that sentence in itself proves my mom right in that i don’t like taking accountability.) As I’m typing this, I’m wondering if maybe that fear of being an unhealthy version of my type or admitting my faults could be related to enneagram ?? Anyways, I know that nobody’s perfect and can definitely appear even worse especially in conflict, I just sometimes wonder if i’m unhealthy or a completely different type altogether. That’s another thing, I’m always trying to find an answer to things, but have a hard time settling on just one. This could be another reason for my self-doubt. I guess my question, after that exhausting story, is WHY? I go back and forth between caring or not caring about personality type, but I’m in a particular stage right now where i care and really just wanna know why i am the way i am (i’m in a bit of desperate state of mind rn lol.) I don’t know if i gave enough info for you to answer this, but what causes me to fear failure so much? Does it have to do with being raised by an ESxJ? Or is it related to enneagram? Or something else altogether? Also, am i even an entp?? you’d probably need to know more about me, but from the way I wrote this, could you give me anything? I’m asking for so much right now, I’d honestly be annoyed at me. But I’ve been so unsure about so many things lately and I just want one thing in my life I can be at least a little more sure about.

I’m sorry you are in a place of feeling like you aren’t sure who you are; if it helps, most people who embark on MBTI journeys face that, sooner or later. And it often precedes a period of self-understanding that helps you find your type, because you start focusing on how you respond to things and how you get things done, rather than what others are telling you about yourself, and linking that to specific functions.

So much hyper-focus on what your mom says about you either indicates you are a high feeler (FJ seems more reasonable than FP at this point, since it’s not about defending self from the outside world, but wondering if what others say about you is true; but if you are sure of Ne-dom, I’d look into ENFP also) or in a Fe-loop. EFJs often mistype as ETPs at first, because they don’t realize how much they lack a specific sense of self, because their entire identity is built on how others perceive, relate to, and speak to them. If this has been a persistent concern for as long as you can remember, consider EFJ (most ETPs at your age care way less what others think, and way more about how they can ‘use’ them to get what they want, since Fe is just a tool for them and not a place of ‘being’).

If you are an ENTP, you sound as if you are in a Fe-related loop, excessively ruminating on others’ external views of  you and causing you to wonder if you are really the irresponsible jerk they tell you that you are. To break this loop, you need to get back into Ti and return to building inner frameworks of logical understanding and consistency. Your natural, healthy tendency will be to notice flaws in arguments, belief systems, and logical inconsistencies, and point them out to yourself and others. You should be learning ‘how things work,’ and not worrying so much ‘how others are reacting to me.’

To gain a better understanding of oneself, you need to put your mother’s criticisms into perspective. Is she the sort of person who finds something harsh and critical to say about everyone, all the time? Or is it just you? What is the objective truth in her digs? Can you come up with specific examples of you doing the things she is accusing you of, or is it just generalization on both your part?

Immature (and at 18, you can’t be anything else, cognitively) ETPs are prone to not taking personal responsibility for themselves and making excuses about it, yes. Ti can rationalize, argue, avoid, and shift responsibility away from self (a natural behavior of unhealthy Fe) rather than simply admit, “What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry.” Arguing, for an ETP, is like breathing – they are so good at it, and so self-assured of thinking up an excuse for everything they do in order to justify their “what I want” based thinking, they forget that their “fun banter” is actually seen as “aggressive behavior” from feeling types. (Sherlock is a great example of what I am talking about.)

If you think your mom has a point, and you can come up with times when you did avoid taking personal responsibility, you have a choice – to work on next time refusing to give an excuse, humbling yourself and admitting you didn’t do what you were supposed to do, or you were selfish and ate the last bag of chips in the house, or whatever else she “gets on you” for. You can also start taking “adult initiative” and doing “mature” things around the house, to show her you are taking responsibility for your stuff, your chores, your bills, etc. The only way to convince an ESJ that you are a mature adult is to consistently act like one and show them you are being responsible with your decisions. Part of being a mature adult, regardless of type, is admitting when you are wrong and taking responsibility for the problems/pain you cause.

If she is criticizing / nitpicking needlessly, analyze her and think about her reasons why she might be doing this, or feels the need to bring others down, or is being “hard” on you in particular. There are many factors that go into people’s behaviors. Do you remind her of someone she used to know, who went the wrong way in life, and is she associating your behaviors with that person’s downward path? High Si’s are prone to instant sensory comparisons of that nature. SJs are also highly responsible people, very driven, who have a specific idea of “how the world works,” and how YOU will have to be, to succeed in it. (IE, 9/5 job, be responsible, buy car insurance, save for retirement, take care of your family, etc). This is how and why they clash with the “when I see it, I’ll know I want to do it, and do it for awhile, and then find something else to do” fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants EP types.

With parents, it’s also important to remember their bias. Their opinion of you is just their opinion. What matters more out in the world is what your boss, your coworkers, and other people who have a direct financial impact on you as an adult in the workforce think of you. Your parents have watched you grow up. Seen all the good and bad things. Things that do not matter at all in the workforce, and that nobody knows about, outside the family. Things that do not have to ‘define you’ as an adult. EJ parents can also have a lot of trouble transitioning from being “parent” to “friend” – she is used to being your “mom.” So, prove her wrong. What can you do to show her you’re an adult?

You might also be an Enneagram 9 or 6 (both, Tritype-wise, is likely) which is messing with your ability to have a concrete sense of self.

Once you’re in college, your functions will show clearer. Heavy school work / an environment where you need to please peers and teachers will bring out lower functional development.

- ENFP Mod

[ladyofpurple]

answer all of the questions!!

holy SHIT ok bless you omg

(sorry it's a full day late i took this shit SERIOUSLY. don't ask me how many hours this took, i was in A Mood™️ last night. removed the ones already answered xoxo)

angel; have you ever been in love?

yeah. didn't end too well, but i loved him.

petal; favorite novel and author?

this is like asking me to pick a favorite child. i guess favorite author would be stephen king, if only based entirely on the sheer quantity of his books i own alone. favorite book would probably be special topics in calamity physics by marisha pessl, and i'm only saying that because it's been my go-to response for years. i have lots of favorite books. ask me again in five minutes and i'll give you another one.

honey perfume; favorite perfume/scent?

freshly made coffee. lilacs. jasmine. cut grass. the ground after it rains. chocolate chip cookies in the oven. cigarette smoke on skin. my mom's shampoo. my grandma. my dog when he's just had a bath. thanksgiving dinner. acrylic paint on canvas. sawdust. that one cologne i can't name but can smell on a guy from a mile away. mulled cranberry and apple juice. vanilla. coconut. fresh laundry. peppermint.

sweet pea; what’s your zodiac?

virgo sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising ✨

softie; talk about your sexuality.

i'm biromantic asexual, primarily attracted to men more than women (but have had too many crushes on girls to consider myself het), generally sex repulsed when it comes to the thought of having it myself. i prefer to call myself queer in passing conversation, it's easier than explaining asexuality and the differences between sexual and romantic attraction. if someone asks more specifically, i'll usually just call myself bi for simplicity's sake, even though the ace part is a much more important (to me) part of my identity. monogamous as fuck.

i'm still struggling with internalized homophobia and a lot of "am i even queer enough" thoughts, which is super fun. took me a long time to even consider the fact that i might like girls at all. i'll probably never come out to my parents. not that they'd, like, disown me or whatever, but they're juuuuust homophobic/transphobic enough that my few attempts to educate them when they say something A Little Yikes have shown me that i should probably just stay in the closet unless i absolutely have to come out. like i'm getting married to a woman or something.

sugarplum; what’s the color of your eyes and hair?

i usually say my eyes are green because it's easier, and they mostly are, but i have rings of greyish blue around the irises and sometimes they're more hazel in the middle. they always have a green tint to them though, even if the intensity of the green varies.

my natural hair is brown, a little on the darker and slightly ashy side of completely generic. currently a former blonde, although i'm hoping to bleach my fucking YEAR of growout soon, and then go some crazy color as a last hurrah before i have to go dark again. being broke fucking sucks.

wings; coffee or tea?

tea!! black tea. chai, to be specific, with an irresponsible amount of milk and sugar. chai lattes are a fucking drug okay? coffee makes me sick (not a judgement, a literal fact. last time i tried some i threw up).

fairytale; are you a cat or dog person?

cat!! but my family has a chihuahua named sonny and you can pry that little monster from my cold dead hands ok i will fight you.

snowflake; favorite time period?

okay, i wrote and rewrote my answer to this about 10 times. then i tried to divide it up into categories (aesthetics, history, fashion, vibes, geographical location, etc), but that didn't help. so basically: i don't have one, because i have too many.

i like the american 20s-60s for the aesthetic, music/movies, and the fashion. i also like the european 1600s-1800s for the interesting history and also vibe. i love the french and russian revolutions — the fashion! the art! the wars and political upheaval! I FUCKING LOVE HISTORY. then, of course, we can't forget the rennaisance. or the witch trials (pick your continent). and ancient greece? the roman empire? hello?? did i mention empires? how bout we mosy on over to south america — can i interest you in the mayans? incans? aztecs? what about china and japan? korea? vietnam? and don't even get me fucking STARTED on the black plague.

ancient egypt? sign me the FUCK UP. vikings? yes please. the celts? oh boy. the MYTHOLOGY. the ARCHITECTURE. the LANGUAGES and POLITICS and LITERATURE and REVOLUTIONS and GOD HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ANY OF THESE

i uh. might have gotten a little excited. basically i like history a lot. and mythology. and linguistics. and cultural practices. and the politics and prejudices behind wars and stuff. and learning in general. moving on.

vanilla; do you believe in ghosts?

let's put it this way: i don't not believe in ghosts??

listen. we don't know jack shit. we don't know what happens after we die, there are constant scientific revelations that turn our understanding of the universe completely upside-down, and there is literally no way to know which religions or myths or urban legends could have some grain of truth to them. like, dude, i've literally thought i was haunted before. psychology is bananas and the universe is infinite.

demons could be real. ghosts could be real. what if we just haven't invented the necessary technology to prove it yet? what if we never do, and they just fuck around alongside us, moving furniture and making shadow puppets on the walls just for kicks until the earth explodes? what if that one tumblr post was right and ghosts are actually real people from alternate universes or timelines that we see accidentally bc some cosmic wires got crossed? who fucking knows.

i love horror movies and scary stories and ghost hunter shows just as much as the next gal. but listen. psychics? mediums? people who accept every single creepypasta retold third-hand from their neighbor's kid's classmate's second cousin who "totally knows a guy"? doubt.jpeg

i don't understand the sheer amount of assumptions made willy-nilly about the nature of ghosts and demons and things that go bump in the night. the assumption that "oh this machine that totally doesn't look like a coathanger taped to a walkman will work because ghosts have this temperature and can always communicate like this and are electromagnetic" or whatever just baffles me. to a certain degree, following a general consensus is one thing — some basic things everyone can agree on? that's cool. ghosts can walk through walls and are probably dead people or whatever. but oh my god, taking every single story as absolute, undeniable proof?? taking these stories and expanding on them to infer intentions and scientific facts to something that by it's very nature is unknowable and assuming, like, every spirit is created equal?? and yeah, ghost hunting shows are fun and campy and kinda creepy but like. you really, genuinely don't think any of them have ever faked anything at all??? even if ghosts are real, it's fucking reality tv, my dude. it's the entertainment industry. at least maintain the slightest ounce of critical thought before taking zak bagans' word as the goddamn gospel.

and sidenote, maybe it's just my limited exposure as a white woman in the western world, but of all the shows and podcasts and movies and documentaries and whatnot i've been able to find and consume, there's the constant use of christian ideology applied to every situation that just really burns my bacon. what, there's never been an atheist ghost? if you see a shadow person and you don't know the lord's prayer by heart, are you automatically fucked? why are there never stories about, i don't know, viking ghosts? does your religion in life preclude you from becoming a ghost in the first place? is that why people never mention buddhist ghosts? i don't get it, and that's why even though i'm self-admittedly the most superstitious person i've ever met, true believers make me roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out. makes me come across as more skeptical than i theoretically am. I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OK

but like, you couldn't pay me to fuck with a ouija board. i'm not stupid.

delicate; diamonds or pearls?

both have their appeal and their place, but diamonds, i guess. i like the sparkle. but fake ones!! or synthetic. diamonds are overpriced and artificial scarcity is a scam and i don't need a dumb rock that some poor person in a mine somewhere was exploited and possibly died for. no blood diamonds in this house, thank you very much.

if i ever get engaged, i don't want a diamond ring. i'd want something cool, a little unusual, like a ruby or a sapphire or some other sparkly gem that isn't literally shoved in your face every waking moment as the expected standard symbol of True Love. they're cheaper, they're cool-looking, as a ring they still hold the cultural symbolism of an engagement/wedding ring. and honestly, as long as it's well-made and durable, whatever hypothetical gem it is doesn't have to be real either. i'm a woman of simple needs and demonstrably low standards. no point in going into debt for a fucking piece of jewelry, regardless of ~tradition~.

lavender dream; favorite album?

oh lord. welcome to the black parade, i guess. or anything by panic! at the disco. there are dozens of possible options — my interests are mercurial and my memory is garbage. but i'll always be an emo little shit. black parade and vices and virtues were also the first two albums i ever listened to where i loved every single song on them, and i happened to listen to them for the first time at around the same point in my life (i got into mcr super late. like, 2012 late. rip).

silky; what’s your biggest dream?

it's cheesy but i guess i just want stability and, by extension, happiness. emotional stability, mental stability, financial stability, stable living situation, stable routines, stable relationships... you get the idea. i have ambitions and passions, of course, but my ultimate goal is happiness at this point in my life, and i'm pretty sure stabilizing all those things would go a pretty long way in achieving that goal.

a little apartment with walls i can paint because white walls make me angry. bookshelves and posters and fandom merch on every wall. a computer i can actually play games on again, and somewhere i can paint and draw and record my podcasts. someone who loves me, maybe. a cat, if i'm stable enough. space for people to come visit me, and a place for them to sleep if they need. a tiny balcony, if i really want to shoot for the stars. a job i don't hate. the spoons to hang out with my friends, and the money to not worry about buying little presents for the people i care about sometimes. i don't need much.

strawberry kiss; do you have a crush right now?

nope.

glitter; favorite fictional character?

another loaded question. like books, if you ask me again in five minutes i'll probably give you a different answer. but in this particular moment, caleb and jester from critical role (please don't make me choose between them). i won't go full shipping mode rn, but jester is so funny and silly and sweet, so much more complex than she seems, and she tries so hard to make everyone happy even when she's so sad inside. the healer who treats healing as an inconvenience in battle (she's so fucking valid and also mood), the glue that keeps the party together. and caleb learning to trust again, facing his trauma and coming out of his shell. he loves his friends so much he plays wizard as a support class and i love him so much.

i love the mighty nein in general, of course, and all the guests/honorary members they've had. pumat!! pls don't be evil reani!! keg!! shakäste and grand duchess anastasia!! cali!! kiri!!!! the brotps! empire siblings! chaos crew! nott the best detective agency! i still love molly and all his assholery to bits (fight me), and mourn his lost potential. i adore yasha, even when she's gone; fjord has grown so much; beau and nott and caduceus — i love all their flaws and disagreements and their character arcs and the excitement of watching them grow and learn. but if i had to choose, caleb, jester and molly have always been my top 3 since day 1 and, well, molly isn't really an option anymore.

but like i said, ask me again in a minute. i have a fucking list.

swan; share a quote or passage that means something to you.

a collection of things off the top of my head:

Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition. — Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

a tired feminist Mood™️

"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore, it knows it's not foolin' a soul." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

i got my love of books from my grandma — some of my favorites i got from her. sometimes, as a treat, she used to take my sister and i to bookstores and we'd stay there for ages, getting to pick one out, roaming the shelves, the mental torture of having to choose. the peace of being surrounded by thousands of potential worlds, so much information, so many stories just waiting to be told; being surrounded by strangers who share that same wonder. the anxious drive home so we could read them, being unable to wait that long so i inevitably start reading in the car and make myself sick. telling her in excited detail all my favorite parts. if we were lucky, maybe we got to split a bear claw, or she'd drive past starbucks and get us something there too (tall vanilla soy steamer with one pump of vanilla syrup, whipped cream on top that always melted too quickly and squirted out the hole in the lid, so hot it burned my tongue but so good i didn't care). i have never felt more at home than i do when i'm surrounded by books.

"There are a lot of different types of freedom. We talk about freedom the same way we talk about art, like it was a statement of quality rather than a description. “Art” doesn’t mean good or bad. Art just means art. It can be terrible and still be art. Freedom can be good or bad, too. There can be terrible freedom. You freed me, and I didn’t ask you to." — Alice Isn't Dead, season 1, chapter 2: Alice

as cringey as it is to admit it, this line made me cry a lot after my breakup.

"So you aren't American?" asked Shadow.

"Nobody's American," said Wednesday. "Not originally. That's my point." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

[side-eyes white america real hard]

there's more, of course. there's always more. don't even get me started on song lyrics, we'll be here all day.

lace; what’s your favorite plant/flower?

lilacs and roses.

mermaid; do you prefer the forest or the ocean? why?

both, i guess. but in different ways, and in different circumstances.

the sea is wild. it is endless and deep and unknowable. it is beautiful and dangerous. i am terrified of the ocean, and yet my favorite place in the world is an empty beach on the oregon coast. i have picked sand from between my toes for days with hair crusted in salt, danced around bonfires and watched the stars while marshmallows burn, gotten pulled under the waves as a child and nearly swept out to sea. picked starfish and crabs from small pools in the rocks, and swum (accidentally) with wild sea lions. in a long skirt, too early in the year to be swimming, i once took off my shoes and waded fully clothed into the water to my waist and just... danced. splashed and kicked and laughed with a boy i barely knew until our throats were sore and our toes were numb, walking home hours later with our soaked clothes clinging to our legs, shoes squelching, dripping algae as we went. the ocean is freeing and overwhelming all at once. i love it and am petrified by it in equal measure.

the forest is beautiful in a different way. it is silent and dense and serene. you are surrounded by life and yet, somehow, completely alone. there is magic in the forest, and history, and even when all else dies, that will remain. the trees grow from the corpses of their ancestors, and some have lived dozens of our lifetimes — with luck, a few dozen more. it is quiet there, peaceful, even the tiniest wood in the middle of a city muffling the outside world through the trees. you can feel the ancient ways deep in your soul as you follow winding paths strewn with fallen leaves, the mystery and wonder and superstitions of your forefathers. you wonder what it would be like, to run your fingers over the moss, to take off your shoes and socks and just run, leaping and dancing over rocks and roots, hair wild and air filling your lungs in deep, pure gulps as you shed the responsibilities and struggles of modern life, for just a moment remembering what freedom tastes like. it is primal, this connection to nature, one we have nearly forgotten over time. and as the sky grows dark and the silence of night presses against you, shadows looming, every footfall deafening, perhaps you begin to understand why some believed in monsters.

honeymoon; do you keep a journal?

i used to. honestly, that's a good idea, i should start doing that again. lord knows i have enough empty journal-type books.

starlight; do you believe in love at first sight and soulmates? why/why not?

i want to. i want to believe there's someone out there for me, the love of my life, someone to whom i'll be the love of their life, and that when i meet them i'll just... know.

but when i met my ex, i didn't really look twice at him for a while — no love at first sight. and when we were together, when i loved him and he swore he loved me back, i thought he hung the stars in the sky and knew i would marry him someday. couldn't even consider the idea that that wouldn't happen. and then when he broke up with me, he ghosted me so suddenly and thoroughly that he even preemptively cut contact with every single one of our mutual friends he thought might side with me in the breakup, before anybody even knew we'd had a fight. so, not soulmates either.

i really want to believe that someday the perfect romance will just fall into place and i can have the happily ever after i've always dreamed of. but the reality is i might never even have another s.o. for the rest of my life. maybe i'll get hit by a car tomorrow, or my hypothetical soulmate moves to argentina to become an alpaca farmer on a mountain somewhere and we never even meet. maybe i'm so traumatized by the betrayal and lies that i'll never have the courage to even try again.

and even so, happily ever after doesn't have to include a fairytale romance, regardless of whether i want it or not. i still like to cling to that hope though, deep down.

princess; what do you value most in people?

i'm going to assume you mean "real people" as in people i have positive relationships with, and not random strangers on the street.

loyalty. kindness. support. humor. similar values. patience. being able to grow together and teach each other things, so we can make each other better. honesty. trust. compassion. confidence. emotional vulnerability. communication. intelligence, or at least a willingness to learn. strength.

[three-houses-text-files]

ferdinand/mercedes

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c-a support + paired endings

c

Mercedes: … Ferdinand: Oh, Mercedes. This is unexpected. M: Hello, Ferdinand. Did you come to pray? F: I did. I quite like the atmosphere in the cathedral. F: It is holy and solemn. Perfectly suited to a noble, wouldn't you say? M: Uhh... I guess so. F: You guess so? I think the matter is rather clear-cut. F: It is incumbent upon nobles that we pray regularly to the goddess. F: Even Edelgard, who opposes the church's methods, does not deny us the right to pray to the goddess. F: The piety of the nobles is a model for commoners— it teaches them the value of devotion. M: Absolutely. I know exactly what you mean. I couldn't agree more. F: These days many nobles scarcely, if ever, pray. F: Look around! You and I are alone in this cathedral. It is really quite a shame. M: Ah, well, I don't really know that I count as a noble anyway. F: I am afraid the nobility seems to be losing its way. When you pray, you are usually alone, right? M: Umm…yes. You're right. I usually am. F: Precisely. Where are the others? Of course, you cannot force people to worship. That is out of the question. F: Nobles must determine for themselves what they will believe and how they will pray. F: A religion foisted on you without your say is not much of a religion at all. Do you not agree? M: Yes, I definitely agree. Definitely...agree. F: On the other hand, we cannot stand idly by while... M: Um, it was great talking to you, but I'm getting pretty sleepy. I'm going to head off to bed. Good night! F: All in all, one has to conclude... Mercedes? Where did she go? F: I must have inspired her to go out and revive the faith! Perhaps I should do the same. I cannot let her show me up...

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b (i?)

NPC: Come on! Sell it to me! M: Huh? What's going on here? M: Hey! Stop that! Can't you see he's not interested? NPC: We’re just talking business here. Now move it along. M: Oh! I just thought it looked a little... M: Actually, now I'm curious. M: What kind of business are you conducting? M: I’ve been told I have a keen eye for appraisal. NPC: Just trying to buy a sword... NPC: I told him to name his price, but he won't give it up! M: Any price? You must be able to afford anything your heart desires! M: But did you consider that he might have a good reason not to sell it? M: Maybe it's a family heirloom. Or simply his favorite sword. NPC: No one asked for your appraisal! Now move it! Or are you looking for trouble? F: That is quite enough! F: You would dare threaten a woman? I will not permit such ungentlemanly conduct. M: Oh. Hello, Ferdinand. Do you have an opinion on all this? F: Behind me, milady! I will protect you! NPC: Who are you? You looking for trouble too? NPC: Keep your distance, gutless knave! I just cleaned my sword, and if I maim you I will have to clean it again. NPC: Neither of us wants that, so I suggest you leave at once. NPC: Gah! Forget it! You're not worth my time! M: Ah, thank you so much... You saved me there. F: Well, that is taken care of. Are you hurt, Mercedes? M: Hurt? No, I'm fine. We were only talking. F: Ah, I am glad! I do not abide uncouth behavior. Stopping it is my duty as a noble!

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b (ii?)

F: You know, stepping in to prevent extortion, that was quite brave of you. M: What? Oh, you're talking about that time in town. I wouldn't say I did anything brave, really. I just asked what was going on. F: No need to be humble. Helping the weak is precisely what a virtuous noble does. M: I…I don't think what I did is quite the same thing. F: What do you mean by that? M: The point I was trying to make is that some things in this world can't be bought or sold with money. M: I think I let myself get a little too worked up though. M: It’s just... When I saw it happening, it reminded me of my own past... F: Your past. Hm. F: You were originally a daughter of House Bartels, a minor noble family, I heard. F: You abandoned your title, and now you live as a commoner. F: Is there more to the story? Pray tell. M: Life was becoming...difficult for us, so my mother and I fled from House Bartels. M: We found refuge in a small church in Faerghus and lived there for a few years. M: A man appeared one day and said that he wanted to adopt me. M: It was obvious that he only cared about my bloodline and Crest. M: The priest refused to let me go, but the man used his money to overwhelm the church. In the end, I had no choice but to leave with him. M: That soldier we saw... I guess he just reminded me of my adoptive father. F: The man who exploited you so that he could join the nobility. Yes, I understand. F: But I must confess, that part of the story confuses me. There is nothing to gain from having a noble title. M: Hehe. F: What's so funny? M: I never thought I'd hear you question the value of nobility, Ferdinand. F: Oh, well... That is not quite what I meant. F: Using someone else to obtain high status, with no effort and no accomplishment... F: Certainly, you can obtain a title like that, but it hardly makes you a noble. M: I completely agree. F: By the same token, although you are legally a commoner, in your heart you are a proud and virtuous noble! F: That is what I think, at any rate.

——————————————————————————————

a

F: Mercedes, finally! There you are. M: Ah! Ferdinand! Why are you so short of breath? F: I just wanted to show you something. M: What’s this... Um... Oh! F: Yes. These are financial records that I recovered from your adoptive father. F: They prove that when he adopted you, large sums of money changed hands. M: Where did you come across these? F: I went to Fhirdiad, found his estate, and stealthily made my way inside. It was easy. (blue lions route?) F: I stealthily made my way into Fhirdiad and looked around his estate. It was easy. (others?) F: That kind of thing is no trouble for an intrepid young noble such as myself. M: That’s amazing! I mean...amazingly irresponsible! M: I can't believe you put yourself at risk for my benefit. I really wish you wouldn't do such things! F: No, I did it for my benefit. I could not help myself. F: With these documents, we can show everyone what a scoundrel your adoptive father really is. F: His noble aspirations will be crushed. The lord of the region will probably rescind his adoption contract. F: In other words, you will be free. F: Here, take them. Do with them what you will. M: Do you really believe these will set me free? F: Yes. Of course. F: You will be free to decide your own path in life, and go wherever your heart leads you. M: That does sound nice...but... M: I’m sorry, Ferdinand, but I think you should hold on to the documents. F: Why? Is this not what you want? M: I’ve lived so much of my life following everyone else's lead... M: So much so that I've come to terms with it. It's almost unavoidable at this point. M: But with these...I could regain my freedom and change all that. F: You baffle me. Do you not wish to be free? M: Of course I do. Let me try that again in a way you might understand. M: Ahem. A true noble cuts their own path, seizing freedom from the clutches of tyranny! F: I cannot argue with that. Fine, then. I will hold on to the documents. M: But I'm really very happy that you're so concerned with my well-being, Ferdinand. M: It means so much to me that you went through all that trouble on my behalf. F: Of course, Mercedes. The smile on your face is well worth the effort.

——————————————————————————————

paired endings

After the war, Mercedes traveled to Fhirdiad to pay a visit to her adoptive father. Though she introduced Ferdinand, she left out the small detail that they were engaged to be wed. Married in secret, Ferdinand and Mercedes worked together to reform the new Duke Aegir's territory, and the effort was so successful that Emperor Edelgard named Ferdinand her prime minister. It was a busy life for him indeed, but as he was known to say to his government colleagues, coming home to a smiling family made all the hard work worth it. (black eagles route)

After the war, Mercedes traveled to Fhirdiad to pay a visit to her adoptive father. Though she introduced Ferdinand, she left out the small detail that they were engaged to be wed. Married in secret, Ferdinand and Mercedes worked together to reform the new Duke Aegir's territory, and the effort was so successful that he was called upon to work as a leader in the central government. It was a busy life for him indeed, but as he was known to say to his government colleagues, coming home to a smiling family made all the hard work worth it. (other)

[today-only-happens-once]

Crossroad

Title: Crossroad

Word count: 1983

Summary: The policy in unjust, and Logan has a decision to make. Teacher!Logan. Logicality, familial LAMP/CALM.

Warnings: transphobia, discussion of outing/getting outed, dysphoria mention, cursing, arguing.

A/N: I am angry. This is a vent fic, really. I’m just… sorry, I guess. Not really edited. Probably not very good? But hey, here this is anyway. Again, I’m sorry.

..

“Are there any questions?”

The question at the staff meeting sends Logan’s hand straight up in the air. Because he is certain he must have heard them wrong. There’s no way in hell—

“Yes, Logan?”

Logan keeps his expression neutral as he adjusts the frame of his glasses. “You mean to tell us that we are now contractually required to report suspicions of gender deviance to our students’ parents? Regardless of potential risks that may induce?” His tone is ice. Beneath it burns a fury so hot Logan can feel it simmering in his stomach.

The principal gives him a dry look. “Yes. We are calling it our “Rights of the Parent” initiative.”

Bullshit, Logan thinks. “What rights are those, exactly?” Logan can feel the eyes of his fellow teachers and administrators flickering nervously between him and the principal. Logan does not care.

“We are upholding the rights of the parents to all the information regarding their child so as to help keep families together,” comes the clipped reply.

“What about the rights of our students?” Logan demands coldly.

“The administration stands behind this initiative. You all are contractually required to report any questions or signs regarding a changing gender identity or seeking help for gender dysphoria.”

Logan doesn’t respond. He doesn’t know how. He sits rigid and silent and fuming until the meeting is officially ended. He sees the principal casting him furtive glances but Logan simply stands up and walks out of the room.

…

“Rough day, Lo?” Patton asks him after dinner.

“Hm?”

Patton gives him a small, concerned smile as he starts cleaning off the table. “You’ve been really quiet tonight and barely touched your dinner.”

Logan groans and rubs a hand over his eyes under his glasses. “I’m sorry, Patton. It was not intended to be a slight on you. Your cooking is always appreciated.”

“What’s on your mind?” Patton asks softly. Logan feels him place his hands on Logan’s shoulders.

“Patton,” Logan says haltingly. “I… seem to have come to a kind of moral crossroads. And I am not sure what the best course of action is.” Logan looks up at his husband. His patient, soft face felt like a steady rock in the sudden sea of uncertainty and doubt Logan had found himself thrust into the past few hours. “Your input would be… greatly valued.”

Patton frowns and pulls out the chair at the corner of the table beside Logan. “Talk to me.”

Logan rests his head in his hands. “My boss has essentially instituted a new clause that I am contractually obligated to follow or risk losing my job. The ramifications of being caught in not following this addition to our contract could also potentially damage future opportunities to pursue this field. And to risk this job, without consulting you, seems… irresponsible, at best. I do not wish to place the financial burden of this family solely on your shoulders. Especially with Virgil going to college in two years.”

The kitchen is quiet for a moment. The only sound to be heard is a song floating through the closed door and down the stairs from Virgil’s room—something with a fast beat and heavy bass that Logan can’t identify—and the whir of the refrigerator. Logan lifts his head out of his hands and locks gazes with his husband.

Patton sighs and covers Logan’s hand with one of his own. “Why don’t you want to follow it?”

“They are requiring that we out transgender students to their parents,” Logan says, no longer able to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “And I… I don’t know that I can, in good conscience, follow that.” He flips the hand Patton is covering up so that his palm is touching his husband’s before entwining their fingers together. When he looks back up at Patton, he sees that a brightness and pained empathy shining in them.

“Logan,” Patton says softly. “I have your back. Always have, always will. You have to do the right thing here.”

Logan takes in a deep breath and releases it in a huff. “I just wish I knew what that was, Patton. I can’t carry it out. That much is certain. But… does this mean I leave the school? That feels…” Logan isn’t sure how to explain the slightly sour taste the thought leaves on his tongue, or the twist it pulls in his stomach. “Cowardly. It feels cowardly, to leave those kids to fend for themselves in an institution that is willing to so greatly dismiss their well-being and best interest.”

Logan feels Patton squeeze his hand. He is grateful for the small reminder and reassurance the action gives him. Logan holds onto his hand like it’s a lifeline.

“But does staying mean I’m condoning it? Does it make me complicit in the injustice?” Logan can tell the frustration is starting to boil over in the biting way the words push past his lips. “Would leaving be a sign that I don’t stand for it and neither should the students? Or is it just running away when they need an advocate from inside?”

Logan’s hand curls into fist. Patton reaches across the table and covers that hand too until Logan relaxes his grip.

“Logan.”

“What?”

“Look at me.”

The high school science teacher looks up at his partner and is surprised when he feels soft lips meeting his own, Patton’s hand cupping his jaw. Logan’s eyes close and he leans into the kiss, releasing a faint breath when Patton pulls away. He brushes his thumb back and forth across Logan’s cheek.

“You are going to figure out what the best course of action is,” Patton assures him. “But this decision has to be yours. I can’t tell you what to do here. I’ll support you no matter what.”

Logan swallows and nods.

…

Logan sits at his desk the following morning as students start making their way into his room. Some of them have earbuds in, nodding along to whatever beat is helping them prepare for the day ahead. Others come in with friends, laughing and elbowing one another and saying things that Logan is almost certain is either a reference to something he’s never seen or an inside joke.

Two boys talk about the basketball game they won last night. A small group of them come in talking excitedly about how casting calls would be posted at the end of the day for the school’s production of The Crucible. One of them is Virgil’s best friend, Roman. The rising theatre star flashes a bright smile to the science teacher. Logan gives him a polite, acknowledging nod in return. Roman’s smile dims.

The bell rings a few minutes later. The class takes their seats. It’s all very ‘business as usual’, except that Logan can’t help but feel like something has fundamentally changed. Something he can’t quite pin-point.

He looks at the podium at the front of the room, off-center so as to not block the screen behind it. The class looks at him—half of them expectant, half of them already bored—as the PowerPoint slide with the title of the unit in big, bold letters glares from the screen behind him. Logan looks back at them.

He switches off the projector and takes a seat on the stool in the front of the room. The class straightens up almost as a cohesive unit. Logan looks at them all again and sighs.

“We’re going to postpone Chapter 9 until next week,” Logan tells them. “There’s something I want to talk to you all about today.”

A student in the back raises her hand. Logan nods to her. “What are we gonna talk about instead, Mr. Sanders?”

“I want to talk to you all about identity.” Logan gives the class a steady, quiet look. “And I have the feeling this may be the most important thing I teach you all in our entire year together. So if you don’t take anything away from today except one thing, know this: you are the expert on yourself. Nobody has the right to your identity but you.”

…

“You quit? What do you mean ‘you quit’?”

Logan stares at the principal unflinchingly. “I mean I am tendering my resignation from this school. I am willing to fulfill my two weeks obligation should it be necessary, but I do not feel that this establishment is reflective of my ideals as an educator.”

“Sanders, you’ve worked at this school for the past—“

“Eight years,” Logan replies coldly. “Yes, I am quite aware.”

“What changed?”

Logan’s jaw jumps. “As an educator, the safety of my students and their freedom of expression is my absolute top priority. You have thrown both to the wind with this ridiculous ‘Rights of Parents’ initiative. Frankly, these students deserve better from you, sir.”

The principal’s face flushes red, his nostrils flaring. “That is not your call to make.”

“You’re right,” Logan admits. “It’s not. But I cannot work at an institution that knowingly puts my students at risk.”

“You have no evidence that this intitative is putting anyone at risk—“

Logan feels his frustration flaring. “Suicide rates for LGBTQ+ teens has risen in the last twenty years. Forcing teens in vulnerable positions to be outed to someone who is responsible for them financially and is expected to care for their well-being not only may put them at risk if those caretakers are not supportive—“

“Now wait a minute—“

“—but is also a complete violation of their own autonomy as human beings,” Logan continues, his voice rising slightly to speak over the interruption. “Nobody has a right their identity but them. Who that gets shared with should be up to them. Not you, not me, but them.”

“I will not have you questioning—“

Logan shakes his head. “I resign, sir,” he says bitingly. “Effective immediately or in two weeks is up to you.” He pushes himself up from the desk and grabs his jacket that he had slung over the back of the chair, walking out of the office.

“Immediately,” he says sharply. “You’re lucky I don’t fire you instead, Sanders.”

Logan lets the door slam closed behind him.

…

“Uh, dad?”

It’s two days later, and Logan looks up from the laptop in his lap as he sits on the couch. Virgil stands in the front door, his backpack slung over one shoulder. He has a handful of envelopes in his hands. Logan arches an eyebrow at his son.

“Yes?”

“Here.” He holds out the envelopes to Logan. “These are for you.”

Confused, Logan takes them from Virgil. He sees “Mr. Sanders” written on the front of most of them. There’s seven of them. Logan looks up at Virgil who is has this odd look in his eyes that Logan can’t quite place.

“What are they?” he asks.

“Letters,” Virgil explains simply. “Word about why you left has started getting around the school, and… well, a lot of people actually think it was pretty cool of you. People started handing me letters they wanted to give to you.”

“Oh,” Logan says, surprised. “Um, thank you, Virgil.”

“Dad?”

“Hm?”

Logan coughs in surprise when Virgil suddenly gives him a fierce hug. “What you did? That was… pretty cool. It… mattered. To more than just a few people. So… thanks for sticking up for them.”

Logan manages a small smile as Virgil pulls away. “Always, Virgil.”

[valyrianczarina]

I have so many things that I need to get off my chest. I went home to Miami to visit my friends and family before the year ended. I came from across the world, 12 hours of travel. Looking back, I don’t regret going, because I know that God was trying to show me something.

To my family who made me cry, vomit in tears because l “abandoned them”: You can’t control me anymore. I don’t need to take your abuse anymore. I’m not your punching bag, anymore. Misery loves company, and I’ve finally broken free. Seeing you for the last time was the confirmation I needed that you were dead weight, that you were ruining my life, stealing my joy and making me sick. I will have love for you, and maybe in time God will heal these wounds. But I don’t need to have contact with you anymore.

To hear my own father tell me he wants nothing to do with me “I want you out of my life. I don’t want to talk to you anymore, I don’t want to see you anymore, get on a plane and go back to Holland.” is something I’ll never be able to forget, and I’ll never forget how it made me feel. I’m sorry that I was “the glue that held it all together”, but that was never my job. It was never my job to financially support you at 18 by giving you all of my waitressing paycheck so you could pay the rent, because you’re so fucking irresponsible with money. It was never my job to break up my parents from choking eachother on the morning of my birthday, and it was never my job to lie to the emergency room doctor when my sister beat me, left my entire body bruised and made my mouth bleed.

Fuck you guys. Going home opened up so many wounds, but I feel like I finally have closure. When I got off that plane to see you and was blindsided by your resentment, anger and envy I know that was just God’s way of confirming to me what I always knew deep down. I don’t owe you anything, and if you can’t be happy for me then that’s my cue to cut you off. Estrangement is an ugly thing, but I am not ashamed.

I love Holland, I love my boyfriend, I love his family and I finally love my life. Farewell to all of the anguish, distress and misery from my past. That chapter is closed, and my best ones continue.

[the-council-of-new-york-vampires]

Can you please submit Adam's past!!! As well as some headcanons on him ;(

Out of Character:

Adam’s past is in the works… You see, I started some day in December and didn’t do so much work on it since. 😅 Technically, it’s finished, but it’s especially hard to edit, because it’s the longest one I’ve yet written, and I really do want it to be perfect. But don’t worry, I’ll def publish it. ☺️

Lemme start with my headcanons:

My biggest one: Adam is a psychopath. So, sometime ago, I asked people on their opinion on that topic and legit no one replied… Thanks for that, guys. 🙃😂 Anyway, I have been drowning myself in research for several weeks now, and I know that there’s a lot of misinformation about psychopathy online. Like, psychopaths have very little to do with Hollywood movies, and it’s not a mental illness but a neurological disorder. I differentiate between sociopaths and psychopaths as well, as in: Psychopaths are born, sociopaths are made, and they behave and think differently. I have been analyzing Adam’s behavior and scenes carefully and, as far as I’m concerned, he meets all the signs for psychopathy. I know it’s kind of a critical topic to discuss, but I’d love to analyze Adam’s behavior and thoughts and compare it to psychopathy, in a separate post. (I am not looking to insult or offend anyone with this, I just love giving interesting characters more depth and exploring their minds and ways of thinking, especially when it comes to villains.)

Fitting the above one, Adam was a con artist at some point. I always thought of this job he would be so good at, but never knew the name until I came across it during my psychopathy research. Con artist! That job is made for him. I headcanon, some day after being a politician as a human, he came to America and started working as, I don’t know the name, but those people who came to people’s houses and sold them bullshit. He didn’t do that for a long time, though, because I don’t think it makes good money and it has a low social standing. However, that’s how he slipped into the con artist job or how he calls it “working in the finance sector”. He did that for, I don’t know, ten years or more, before he decided he had made enough money with it. He wanted to get into poilitics again to satisfy his desire for power, and quit being a con artist, because it would have been too risky to do both at the same time. (I doubt he was ever caught, but conning people is obviously illegal.)

It was slightly hinted at by Adrian that, sometimes, Adam kills women after sleeping with them. I think when he was around Priya’s age, he did that very often. Just sought them out and killed them afterwards, because he liked the feeling of power and control it gave him. In the present, it is more likely that he has contacts for things like that, contacts he does not kill, because it would be a huge scandal, obviously. Still, he sees all people as objects, humans more so than vampires, and attractive young women primary as sex objects to use and discard, and he thinks it’s pathetic that they adore him and seek him out the way they do, that they ‘let’ him kill them. But of course, he pretends to be this super elegant gentleman. I do think he was taught to treat women with special respect, but, if you consider his actual personality, it’s highly unlikely that he keeps that mask on in the bedroom. He displays it in public, because most women love gentlemen, but, unless his lover needs to be manipulated by him or he wants something from her, he is totally different, degrading even, in the bedroom.

I think Adam is very vain to the point that he needs longer in the bathroom than some ladies. I think he has a personal barber, stylist, you name it, and they come over every morning. He loves his appearance and - sorry - I can definitely see him making out with a mirror. At least, whenever he walks by, he does admire the guy he sees. But how could you not? How could women not? At least, that’s what Adam thinks. And lemme judge: he’s damn right. Adam’s About 183 cm tall (I just know), he’s muscular, he has a nice haircut, a fancy beard, great taste in fashion… And those, lemme guess, thick 7 inches. 😌😏 Hehe.

Pretty sure that Adam has a wild, irresponsible streak in him that he must live out somehow. I mean, he dated Priya and as if she would ever date anyone boring. Adam loves partying, irresponsible sexual acts, the adrenaline when seeking thrills. Despite what people think, I can definitely see him as a reckless driver, especially when alone. This guy has no fears. He is similar to Kamilah in some ways, but that’s one where they differ: I think he can let go better than she can, he just needs the right circumstances, right people, right situations. He is a lot more likely to play Roulette and bet on black just for the hell of it. With Priya, he did many irresponsible things, thinking “I don’t care. I love it.” Icona Pop knows. 😉

As a mortal, Adam had a family and children. Considering the historical context, this is more than likely. People often say they can’t imagine him as a father, and in a way I agree: I think he was a very neglectful and absent father who had a lot more kids than he wanted (considering the fact that he wanted none 😂). Furthermore, he was a very disloyal husband, married more than once, got women pregnant who he wasn’t married to, banished them or forced them into an abortion (people knew there were ways to miscarry)… I’m guessing the probability for him to cheat in a relationship to be as high as 80%. I see no reason for him not to cheat, because he has no moral compass and he believes he can have anyone, deserving of as many lovers as he wants. However, if she would cheat, he would either be incredibly angry or totally careless. Anyway, if there is one person seeing a crying toddler and thinking “Damn, I’m glad my kids are dead”, it’s Adam.

Back to his roots: Adam grew up Catholic. This is not me saying religion makes people bad (I’m religious myself), but me saying he grew up at a time and in a country that was certainly Catholic. However, I highly doubt he ever believed in any religion, simply was raised into a strictly religious environment. In that way, he broke rules very early such as no lying or no touching yourself, and this is how he learned to be sneaky about it. This theory explains his name as well, as Adam was the first human created by God, and he was likely named after him, not as the first human in the world, but the first baby born to his parents, a noble couple. I’m very sure he grew up in a big family. However, he is only focused only on himself since… all the time.

Obviously, regarding sex, Adam has done almost everything there is to do. I think he is much more animalistic and pleasure-focused than people think, and he loves to break taboos the same way he breaks rules as he considers himself above them. Imagine anything nasty and I bet he has done it. Either with someone kinky like Priya or he just persuaded a ‘normal’ person into letting him try whatever ‘sick’ fantasy he had. Also, he loves group sex with, like, four women who cater to his needs. I tried to widen this headcanon a bit by bringing guys into it as well. While I think Adam is definitely heterosexual, I wouldn’t be surprised if anything happened between him and a man. I headcanon something like: He was at an orgy, drunk or whatever, centuries ago, doing his thing, and a guy just approached and gave him oral. Lol. And he let him do it, because why the hell not? Meanwhile, I find kissing a bit too intimate, but I can imagine he has done it, too, out of manipulation or because a guy just kissed him. With Priya, I headcanon he seduced young women, killed them… and they had fun with them, like… blood play and stuff…

I think Adam’s basic directive is “I don’t care”, regarding the other members of The Council as well. Of course, there are things he cares about deeply, like killing the Clanless or getting votes, but all of that serves no one but himself, the only person on Earth he actually cares about. You could give him any person’s name and ask if they shall live or die and he wouldn’t care at all what happens to them (unless that person’s existence is useful or bothering for him). Yeah, he has no conscience and he gives zero shits. His emotions are super limited. Like, when Gaius presented them his morbid plan, Adam was careless to the point that he had to observe the others’ reactions to be able to form and voice an opinion. He is calm by default and rarely gets angry (the anger he showed in several scenes was fake in order to appear believable).

Regarding lovers, Adam has a type. He likes young women (22-28), naive and ‘stupid’, women he can easily control, and he sees himself deserving of having all the pretty ones, like trophies or possessions. When someone doesn’t have the right age or look, he considers them not good enough for him and would find it pathetic if they asked him out. He doesn’t like independent women, he likes women he can make dependent on him. He always needs to be the superior one, financially as well as intellectually. All this explains why he never had and never ever will have a thing for Kamilah. She is everything he can’t control, can’t subject, and that’s why he respects her and can openly express a platonic liking for her. But deep inside, women like that threaten him and he wants to destroy them, because they are too smart to fall for him. And women (people) he can’t benefit from, who refuse to obey him, who he can’t manipulate, have no use to him. Regarding one night stands, which he had a lot more than gilfriends, he only targets very attractive women. He likes dark types, like himself, rather than blondes, and women who are particularly feminine. Long hair, long nails, dresses, high heels… I think that attracts him. And he loves asses. And Latinas. Sorry.

I think Adam has more than two faces. To the public, he is that super friendly, charming guy who wants the best for anyone. To The Council, he is that friendly guy who has drastic measures, but still puts a lot of importance on their team-spirit. Part of the mask is off, but he still presents himself as friendly and interested in the well-being of the public. Like, he greets the members happily and calls them his “friends”, but everyone does know they shouldn’t turn on him. (The Baron even said so.) When dating Priya, he showed a different face again. More of that easy-going guy, a great sport, overly protective of his ‘loved’ ones. He always alternates between “Hello, I am super friendly and chill, you can talk about anything with me” and “I am super dangerous and you better not fuck with me”. Then, in reality, he is a cold-hearted snake who cares about no one but himself. Now imagine him around his Clan. I think his mask slips off even further than it does when he’s with The Council, in a way that they might even fear him, because they know what he’s capable of. Or they admire him because he leaves the mask on, like the nerd in the train to the Ball does, who obviously has a crush on him? It is so different to assess Adam, because he is a great actor and he can legit be anyone. He can be the kind philantrophist you support, the sexy celebrity you admire, the relaxed guy who is your best friend, the intelligent Clan leader, the most caring boyfriend you have had, the most abusive boyfriend you have had… or the man who is actually planning to murder you.

[bitchesgetriches]

Part 1/? of 18 yrold investing Heya! I have no idea how to phrase this because ahhh but I totally get if you dont know what the heck to do and theres absolutely no pressure to answer here. I'm about to start college, already got into my school and everything, and I have no idea what I'm doing financially. Paying isnt the problem. My mom passed recently leaving me a fair sum of money, and if o do things right enough to pay for school without any debt. The issue is my dad. He is the most

           Part 2/ 18 year old investing  Irresponsible person in the world.  He is a functioning drug addict. Hasn't paid taxes in a good 15, 20 years. Keeps claiming hes going ti pay them and then never does. I managed to fill out my fafsa (frankly I have no idea how I did that one) and the reason anything got done is because I forged his signature in a few places because he kept claiming he would sign them and then never did.  This has been a reacuring theme and because of that I am currently trying to             

           Part 3 of? 18 yr old investing  Trying to become financially independent of him in my schools view. Anyways not the point.  I'm trying to figure out what I should do with the money I have saved from my mom. I have relatives who have suggested buying gold and silver and then cashing them in when I have to pay Bill's and what not so the government cant see how much I have. They've also suggested buying property and renting it out.  I feel I should also mention I live across the country from my dad             

           Last of 18year old investing I conclusion what do you think I should do with my money? I dont know if I'll be able to get financial aid based off that account and financial aid is incredibly important because I haven't been working because kve been taking care of sick family.  Anyways I'm looking for an outside prospective on my situation.  And no pressure if this is outside your comfort zone.  Lots of love for you and your blog ❤             

Whoa baby. There’s a lot to unpack here.

First off, I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate but that you’re emotionally dealing rather well. Still, remember that it’s ok to miss your mom and take a moment to grieve. Check in with yourself regularly to make sure you’re not sacrificing self-care nor throwing yourself into distractions to avoid thinking about the loss of your mom.

As far as your dad is concerned, YOU IN DANGER, GURL. Run for the hills. Or, more accurately, apply to be an emancipated minor. We have links and resources for how to do this on our main site. But being an emancipated minor is one way to be seen as independent from your dad on your FAFSA and for any other financial aid considerations. I believe you qualify financially, but you might want to look into the age restrictions considering you’re over 18.

I don’t know how much your mother left you... but buying gold and silver is not the smartest thing you can do to “hide” your money from the government. It might work for a small amount of your money, but precious metals are not a stable commodity. Their worth fluctuates ALL THE TIME. And cashing in gold for money can sometimes leave you at the mercy of the... moneychanger for lack of a better term. Besides, avoiding taxes is not the most pertinent concern in your case.

I suggest you put most of the money in more stable investments, savings, and retirement funds. If you want some time to think about it, and you’re going to access the money on a semesterly basis to pay for school, put most of it in a high yield savings account. But then make sure to fully fund an emergency fund, an IRA, and a brokerage account.

We’ve got links and resources for how to do all that here:

Ask the Bitches: How Can I Make Myself Financially Secure Before Age 30?

Good luck, baby. We believe in you so fucking much.