#i am sorry also if by encouraging you in this i have added suffering to your life; however. thank you for your service 🫡❤️

[camgoloud]

casey remember when i was considering getting back into 911 and you were like “do it so i can continue absorbing the show through dashboard osmosis”? well.

oh i most CERTAINLY recall and i must say i’ve been delighted with the absolute Posting that’s been happening in recent days. that eddie diaz guy truly has SO fucking much going on

[hivemuthur]

Made a comment but going to have to say more because HOLY HELL Nat!!! “Lips where lips were” was INCREDIBLE but good lord SINFUL 😭. I think I made a request some time ago about pathetic/ kinda switchy Viktor (dancer one) but in my head it was not in a sub way, THIS is exactly how I imagined when asking. I completely agree with your opinions about his character being infantilized and mischaracterized. When I see people say that all I can think is have we seen the same show?? When I think pathetic I think more so desperate, like desperate to touch, to give, desperate for reciprocated desire and enjoyment partially as a need to feel desired. Giving and often emotionally involved where switchy dynamics can occur.

Anywayyy—Seriously seriously seriously I see your writing improving so much through each post and you are keeping Viktor Nation alive. As much as I love the smut it’s barely what I look forward to, I genuinely enjoy the story and build-up so much. I cannot believe I get to read Regency Era Viktor, panty sniffing Viktor and apparently gothic au Viktor fic (one of if not my FAVORITE genres plus Viktor??) which I have yet to read and am so exited for, and I get these all one lifetime. I know I can’t say I was born in the wrong generation. To think while my grandmother was milking a goat at my grown age I am here waiting for more Viktor content. Should I be ashamed? Eh. Anyway, sorry for flooding your inbox and blabbing, I couldn’t keep this to myself. I should probably do some good deeds rn so I don’t go to hell for writing this and enjoying reading these fics so much 😔 was thinking of going anon with this post but you encouraged me to be shameless so here I am 🤲🏼

YES, DESPERATE. I find shame, desperation, yearning, pining, touch starvation - ugh, all those tropes are incredibly hot. I come from a place and a generation where kinking up sexual shame is a very valid way to beat it and I know some people enjoy their partners being embarrassed and helping them beat that embarrassment, sooo yeh... that's how we landed on Viktor being all blushed up :v

And as I said, I don't think he wouldn't switch! Being a sub is actually fun, doesn't mean you have to be a pathetic whiny bitch (but if someone enjoys being one that's also totally okay, humans are cool like that, I just don't think it checks out with Viktor). And I'm speaking from experience here, being more on the sub side, but enjoying control occasionally.

There are so many layers to dom/sub roles as well, between the extremes of master-slave, sadist-masochist we have a variety of overlapping practices to try out. And I am saying that with full understanding of problems that bdsm communities have, I have encountered some, but was lucky enough to avoid trouble because people around me were vigilant, which I am of course grateful for. Generally, it's a very interesting topic, very underdeveloped in literature, but that's because stupid people come and ruin the fun (I'm talking mainstream lit here). Also, can potentially lead to very fruitful explorations of self and ultimately healing of parts that need it and when you know yourself backwards, you are basically unstoppable :')

And ayyy, thank you so much! I've been reading some Henry Miller recently so I'm surfing that tide, hehe :v I actually think reading porn created with love and passion and without having anyone suffer, and then engaging with the author is a deed good enough in itself, it's infinitely better than watching porn with unrealistic bodies in it. This is my way of saying your sins have been cleansed. I am also adding you to my official list of people converted from a path of shame, I will put it in my resume :v

[amaria-the-soup]

hello, I just wanted to call out someone who sent me an anonymous message about my statement on your post about those immoral fics, and I just hope the person will be able to read this, because first of all, who the fuck do you think you are to tell me whether or not I'm recovered? That's incredibly rude and unnecessary, and I genuinely hope you'll think over your words because dictating my state of mind because of my statement was extremely ignorant?

Second it's not about me (or anyone else) distancing myself from it, as if it were a silly hobby. Pornography is as much addicting as drugs or alcohol. It's not a silly pass time I got burnt out from, it's a serious illness, and you're treating it like some silly little stuff. Third of all, this type of fiction can very much be the reason people start those type of behaviours, so yes consuming this type of media can lead to dangerous outcomes and turn "normal" people into mentally ill (especially as a minor). Your words were literally "well gambling addiction isn't bad, you just couldn't control yourslef lol". Hope this person can reflect on the brain rot they said <3 (I'm really sorry, but I just doubted that if I answered on my page they'd see it bc I don't post, but I really wanted them to see what kind of bullshit they said, sorry if this was bothering you dearie <3)

It’s not a bother at all! I agree with everything you said, and have some things to add in terms of actual studies:

It’s a big problem, and here’s the proof. And it’s not just visual, it is easily in reading too. So to encourage people to make “dark” or “taboo” fictional stories are really just adding to the porn culture and making it harder for people to get out.

It’s a cage, and without any help, it can get out of control easily.

Also, Hon, I just wanted to tell you that even if the asker is anon, they’ll get a notification when you answer them! But I am so honored that you were willing to come for help, and honestly, you’re so fucken’ brave. I hope that all of us can improve ourselves, and hopefully we can overcome our problems.

If you’re suffering from “dark smut” or rather, porn in general, I encourage you to take the steps to overcome it. Here’s some links for everyone, including me.

ALL of us need help, and we are all worthy of redemption. There’s someone out there who loves you, and you deserve to be loved and at your best.

[drawingpad-studios]

I think I've got things processed in my brain so I am gonna start getting back on here. I'm not gonna start back up the work of my projects fully yet though, because I'm not fully moved into my new place yet. but I recently(aka today, lmao) got some ideas for something I think would be fun to add to As Thin As Paper for extra content.

Basically my idea is, since I have SPR OCs, a possible like "boss rush" you can unlock after getting all the endings. The thought process of this idea was just: "what if while making the game, what affected the original characters secretly seeps into an au of mine and made some of my OCs suffer the same fate. As I would have to make a uncorrupted copy of the effected and seal away the originals so it doesn't spread throughout the au" (don't know if I will use my Paintonian OCs since that species isn't cannon to the original game, but if I do it would be interesting in my opinion)

I haven't fully decided if I should do it or not, so I thought I'd run it with y'all and see what y'all think.

Here's some of the inspired ideas that started this thought(I don't have my art supplies back yet, so these are all just quick sketches)

1. Altuo Tenwor(Greed shop)

Basically I just took one of the sins he is supposed to be and amplified it. I choose greed over lust, envy, and sloth as you can probably tell because of the obvious inspiration from this Binding of Isaac fan song by Manontheinternet

And I also added a bit of inspiration of the Snake(technically increasing Envy sense Snakes usually are symbolism of envy) from the Adam and Eve story, with him encouraging you to buy from his shop after every battle of the boss rush until his own battle, with each thing you buy ending up causing a bad effect on you and your party for his battle.

2.Discord(Calm to Storm)

I wanted to use his "full power form"(the form you'll read/see in Hundred Year Symphony in the final act), mainly due to his inspiration of the Snatcher from Hat in Time that came from this song:

And also, he's a Crevon, those are said to be "musical demons". And demons tend to make deals with people. Basically at the start before the first battle and after the cutscene when you first enter the boss rush mode, He will offer you an increase of health and defence(or something don't really know yet) but doing so will increase the difficulty of his own battle. So you get a decrease of other battles' difficulty, but the decrease gets put into his battle as an increase. Though of course you don't have to sign it, the battles will be normal if you don't sign his contract.

3. Reverend & Brace(Cage and Mantis)

No song inspiration for this. Had this idea for them before I returned to the idea of a boss rush mode. But originally Reverend would just be playing in the background to keep Brace passive(original Brace was a fountain statue similar to the Harmonian random encounters). But I decided to make Reverend heal Brace every now and again(White Witch basically) and change Brace to be similar to Base Cleph(sense they're related in my au[Hundred Year Symphony, since the Harmonians don't have hair]). But instead of a spider, I had Brace into a Mantis. Because the females tend to bite the heads off their mates.

I had Reverend have a cage body, because the heart/soul inside him is Brace's. Basically as Brace was slowly turning, she had him promise him to keep her heart safe so she doesn't fully change. You know because they're lovers and don't want to lose each other.

Feels good to be back, I am sorry for having to go on Hiatus. Anyways, Input on the "Boss Rush" mode idea would be appreciated. Would y'all think this would be interesting and fun as extra end game content?

[eri-cheri]

Now that we have reached the last chapter of the year. It is time to do a 2020 roll call of what I like to call, “State of the Shippers”:

1. IzuOcha. Status: Placated.

-IzuOcha’s could celebrate several cute tidbits throughout the year. Mini moments as they say.

Anime Highlights: The OVA’s came in clutch with moments for shippers all around and IzuOcha is no exception. We got a cute tidbit where Izuku and Ochako bumped into each other and were flustered.

Manga Highlights: Christmas kept on giving to this fandom as the AM doll Izuku gave Ochako made many appearances. A cute fist bump between the two was also exchanged and Mina was right there bouncing with y’all.

Heroes Rising: Izuku super man carried Ochako to safety. And was Angy she was injured. Fans could enjoy the small Lois Lane moment.

Troubling Signs?: Ochako said “I would like to be excluded from this narrative” when it comes to her feelings for Deku. She’s a hero damnit! So if they are in for something, probably won’t be while they are still in school.

II. DabiHawks. Status: Yikes.

- Dabi and Hawk’s very public breakup set this fandom in disarray but also kind of disayay?

Anime Highlights: None yet. This fandom was cruelly cock blocked by Bones. Sorry DabiHawks stans.

Manga Highlights: Where to begin, my goodness. With these fans, I guess the good and the bad is a plus in this homoerotic double agent relationship. We have the notion that Dabi may have known Hawks when they were kids, which may be a positive? Hori sure loves his childhood friends. Other than that. The GIRLS WERE FIGHTIN’. Hawks is now permanently scarred by Dabi and I don’t think it was kinky folks. Tokoyami inserted himself in the middle to White Knight Hawks, Dabi broke up with him via YT expose and overall, shippers could anguish in the absolute MESS that this ship endured this year. But I’m sure that’s part of the appeal. So...yay?

Heroes Rising: They were both in it.

Troubling Signs?: The entire relationship is a troubling sign which again, is part of the appeal. Maybe Hawks will cuddle up with Dabi’s father after the war. That’s troubling! Speaking of...

III. EndHawks. Status: Yearning and Burning.

-If there’s one thing Endeavor couldn’t stop worrying about, it was his hot (in more ways than one) new side piece who probably should have looked at the fine print when signing a contract to be a recurring guest star on “Keeping up with the Todoroki’s”.

Anime Highlights: A fateful meeting finally in high definition for all our eyes to see! Hawks’s unwavering support of his biggest hero was endearing to watch and their shenanigans together spurred the anime onlies to finally jump on the biggest May-December ship in the series.

Manga Highlights: Endeavor’s admiration and concern for Hawks seeped through the pages as we entered our most exciting arc in the manga yet. Fate split these two up yet entwined their downfall together. And that Fate’s name was Dabi...or should I say ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️ or should I just say Touya!

Heroes Rising: “Don’t bite my head off, Endeavor.” Geez, can you flirt a little less loud Hawks?

Troubling Signs?: They say never meet your heroes and Hawks is in for a rude awakening. We shall see just how deep his admiration runs or if Endeavor’s past will split our dynamic duo up for good.

IV: TodoDeku. Status: “Precious”

-Shoto’s “Midoriya is in Danger” radar was highlighted in both manga and anime. 4th User’s quirk, who?

Anime Highlights: “Midoriya hasn’t returned yet.” “Where’s Midoriya?” “Midoriya! Grab my hand!” “Have some of my Soba Midoriya.” Shoto gets it. His emotional support friend is a danger magnet. TodoDeku’s also enjoyed tiny tidbits in the OVA such as a hand grabbing scene. Gotta hold tight to those crumbs.

Manga Highlights: Two Words. “Precious Friend.” Deku comes in w/o arms or legs fighting for Shoto and Shoto’s honor. These two spent the entire year worried sick about each other, and going against all odds to save each other. Precious Friends indeed. TDDK fans ate.

Heroes Rising: Shoto kicks some dog ass and then faints thinking of Deku (and Bakugo but shh. Let the shippers rejoice.) On the bright side, we have a 3rd movie coming featuring “The Three Musketeers” so shippers of TdDk can HOLD TIGHT to what’s to come.

Troubling Signs?: Shoto still doesn’t know about OFA and he’s gonna have LOTS of questions after this arc. Will Deku finally tell him? If not, it could make or break the ship.

V. TodoBaku. Status: “Shining through the city with a little funk and soul.”

-Who knew the greatest comedy duo we needed was Shoto and his hot headed “friend” or not friend? It still remains unclear to Shoto. Regardless, these two had a fun year.

Anime Highlights: “I wanna see your cute face”, disco dancing, and more fun in the provisional license training. Plus the OVA added some cute moments between the two such as Bakugo staying behind to save Todoroki during a dangerous excercise and his adorable plan neatly animated for us. I’d say TodoBaku’s really were resurgent and energized this year!

Manga Highlights: Shoto, that is not how you properly Catch a Kacchan, I’m sorry. But at least you did it you mad lad. As with Deku, Shoto spent the year worried sick about Bakugo. While the anime let us have our fun, these two were suffering in the manga.

Heroes Rising: Again, Shoto put a dog down and then fainted with Bakugo on his mind (and Deku but we ignore that. Shush.) TodoBaku’s have the 3rd movie to look forward to which is bound to have some amazing content!

Troubling Signs?: They have a lot of trauma to deal with. And a lot of Deku to worry about. I also imagine Shoto will be hurt about being left out of the OFA secret. We shall see what 2021 has to offer.

VI. KiriMina. Status: Unbreakable.

-Changing your hairstyle to match the gal who inspired you in middle school? Sorry y’all but if Mina were a guy, I’d say that’s gay af.

Anime Highlights: We got that backstory Bois. Red Riot’s origin might as well make him be called Pink Riot. Again with Hori and the childhood friends though I wouldn’t exactly call them friends. They just went to the same middle school but Kirishima was highly influenced by Mina’s Chivalrous spirit! A ship is born!

Manga Highlights: The influence is mutual! Mina creates a move based on Kirishima’s unbreakable and we all let out a collective “awwww”. Also in the war arc, we got Kirishima making sure Mina’s chivalrous spirit shines through right into Gigantomachia’s mouth! KiriMina may just be the unsung MVP’s of this arc.

Heroes Rising: They were in it.

Troubling Signs?: I can’t think of a single one. KiriMina’s can enjoy a peaceful sailing.

VII: KiriBaku. Status: Crumb Collectors.

-2020 was an uneventful year for KiriBaku but Bones made sure there were crumbs aplenty! Thank God for OVA’s!

Anime Highlights: KiriBaku’s did thrive in one episode! Kirishima reflects on the sludge incident and evolves his quirk based on inspiring words from Bakugo! Hooray! KiriBaku’s can thrive in their blossoming friendship. The OVA also has Kirishima (and Kaminari but shh) once again following Bakugo’s lead when it comes to the training excercise. How can you not? He’s so manly!

Manga Highlights: Not gonna lie. There is nothing much here this year. I did find a teeny tiny flake in Aizawa’s flashback. Kirishima and Bakugo are sitting next to each other. Oh! And at the hot pot gathering, Bakugo sits next to Kirishima! Eat your crumbs KiriBaku’s! There’s always next year!

Heroes Rising: Kirishima hangs with a lazy Bakugo and delivers the most hilarious line in the whole movie. “Silly Bakugo, there won’t be villains here!” Hahah... Silly Bakugo. Oh you~ KiriBaku’s can inhale the fact that those two sure love to hover around each other!

Troubling Signs?: With great crumbs come little responsiblity. No trouble if there’s no content! 🤔

VIII: KamiJirou. Status: Singing their hearts out 🎶

-If there’s any ship that’s coming close to canonization, I think this is it, folks! “Think of the person most important to you!” Can’t argue with Midnight!

Anime Highlights: Kaminari does non stop encouraging of Jirou and her hobbies! He works super hard to learn guitar for her sake! We love a king who can encourage his queen!

Manga Highlights: Kaminari thinks of the most important person to him and surprise! It’s Jirou! All of the feels can commence.

Heroes Rising: They were in it!

Troubling Signs?: Kaminari does love his women. And men. Kaminari overall is a huge flirt. But Jirou appears to have his heart strings. ❤️

IX: BakuDeku. Status: Rising. 👑

-Alternative Statuses include Winning, Thriving, Soaring. It’s just been non stop content this year. 2020 is truly the year for BakuDeku. The shippers can rejoice.

Anime Highlights: Three words. Be. My. Cane. The OVA’s helped fan the flames of the BkDk hearts with a surprise! Deku tops! Not only that, we got a lovely shoulder tap of encouragement in the canon material. While in season 4, Deku’s primary focus was Eri. Bakugo and Deku still had their moments to be hella gay.

Manga Highlights: Where do I even begin? I guess we’ll just cut to the chase with Bakugo Katsuki: Rising. We finally saw Bakugo’s true feelings manifest for Deku and if getting stabbed for him isn’t the ultimate showing of love, then idk what is. BakuDeku’s rounded out the year with the Volume 29 cover AND the volume 29 cover drafts to eat at our heart strings. Overall, their relationship got the spotlight in the manga this year. And we’re bound to start 2021 with a dramatic confrontation. Hand holding seems to be the key with these two and it didn’t stop with Heroes Rising...speaking of.

Heroes Rising: The entire movie. Like....yeah. That’s it. [OP, your bias is showing. You have to be SPECIFIC.] {But random criticizer in my head, if I lay out the entire plot of the movie, my post will be too long} [OP....] UGHHHH Okay okay. The POPSICLE MELTING. THE HAND HOLDING. THE CHARACTER DESIGNS OF WHAT MIGHT AS WELL BE THEIR LOVE CHILDREN. Did I mention? “It’s fine if it’s you?” CAUSE YEAH. Oh and All Might randomly officiating their wedding in their heads like idk. Isn’t it just simpler if I say the whole movie??!

Troubling Signs?: Well these two’s relationship is extremely delicate and while it has non stop soared this year, Deku might not take too kindly to Bakugo almost dying for him. Will they stop pushing each other away? Time will tell.

That’s all for this year folks! Happy Shipping and good luck to everyone next year!

[capesandshapes]

Didn't You Know? (Post Reveal/Pre Relationship)

Summary:

Marinette is sick and realizes that Adrien has a secret to tell her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The music was loud.

Far too loud.

But she knew at the same time that she was drunk, far too drunk; so that might have played a part in it. Adrien sitting at the bar with girls surrounding him—draped on his shoulders and with hands on his knees— might have also played a part in it. Because she’s tired, and sick, and lonely; and he’s there like he always is, waiting to take her home, waiting to take care of her because he feels like it’s his duty.

Because he’s Chat Noir and she’s Ladybug, and he promised one day however many years ago that he would always take care of her. Now she has to live with that. Now she has to live with wanting him, but still not fucking saying it.

And just when her night seems like it can’t get worse, some guy dumps a pint of whiskey on the front of her dress and makes to clean it up, his napkin at the ready to blot it like this totally isn’t some pre-planned thing—

“Oof,” a familiar voice says beside her, placing his sweatshirt around her shoulders before she can even protest and pushing the hands away before the man can try to ‘help’. “Thank you for that, but she’s already taken care of, I think I’m gonna take her home.”

And immediately the guy, some big burly man likely in his thirties, is flinging accusations and acting like he knows everything. “And who are you to do that?” Like he wasn’t just trying to do something awful.

“I’m her husband,” Adrien says, flashing a black and green ring while throwing a cheeky smile over his shoulder as he pulled the two edges of his sweatshirt a little bit closer around her. “Happily married,” he mutters, his eyes softening as they landed on hers and he saw her pull the sweatshirt on to really sell the statement. He leaned forward to zip it up, throwing the man another smile, this one verging on a warning as he placed his hand on Marinette’s shoulder.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” the man began, blinking as Adrien made to herd her away.

“It’s fine,” Adrien said, his arm around her shoulders and his eyes staying firmly on her. “She’s going home.” In a stage whisper, he added, “you’re sick, aren’t you sweetheart?”

Which was only half because of the other man and half because she actually was sick, and he wanted an answer.

She had been wondering how long she could keep it from him that night, how long she could last dancing with Alya and accepting only water. Now that he knew who she was, Adrien had a way of seeing through all of her other disguises too. Like her telling herself that she wasn’t sick and trying to act like she wasn’t sick.

Even though a small part of her was afraid she might have caught the flu or been suffering from some sign of overwork…

“I’m going to get your coat,” he said, guiding her near the door.

“Are you also going to go and tell more people that we’re married?” She asked wearily, swaying on her feet.

He laughed, leaving a small kiss on her forehead that almost made her cross her eyes. “I tell everyone I’m married; it keeps them from hitting on me and technically I am…” He raised his hand, waggling his eyebrows at her, “married to the job,” he joked. “I’m taken in more ways than one.”

She wished she didn’t laugh, if only because it encouraged that type of thing. As his friend, she shouldn’t have been happy that he was sitting in clubs with his miraculous on his ring finger, turning away girls who could have been something to him. As his friend, she shouldn’t have raised the sleeve of his sweatshirt to her nose as he walked away, smelling the soft cologne that he’s taken to wearing instead of the Agreste branded stuff.

She really sucked at this whole being his friend thing. More so now than ever.

He reappeared with her jacket, her housekeys in his hand. He didn’t, of course, make any moves to replace the sweatshirt around her shoulders, just another addition to the list of many things that would always make her wonder about where she actually stood with him.

Alya always insisted that he liked her and was just waiting for the right time to say anything, but two years had passed since they’d revealed their identities and Marinette had started to doubt that. If it was more than a childhood crush, he would have told her by now.

Then again, she thought as she watched him wait for their taxi, she hadn’t told him.

***********************************

Adrien unlocked her door and hauled her stuff inside, Marinette following closely behind. He reached around her once she was safely inside, closing the door and locking it.

“I’ll stay on the couch tonight in case you need anything,” he informed her. Adrien was often overbearing when she was sick, a trait that he’d picked up from her once she learned that no one was really around to care for him when the boy was sick. It almost became tradition for the man to sleep in her living room whenever she was ill, another reason why she didn’t want him to know.

It was almost painful how much he cared.

That was the problem with the two of them, someday he would get a girlfriend or she would have another boyfriend, and they would tell him how weird this was, that he cared way too much for the young woman and she cared too far beyond reason for him as well. Then it would end.

She didn’t want it to end.

She wanted a thousand different things in her life, like to start her own fashion line and see the world, but she didn’t want Adrien to leave her.

She was in love with Chat Noir. How long? She couldn’t tell you. Before the reveal, probably. Before she knew that he shared those green eyes with the other guy who made her chest feel heavy and her breathing weak.

“You should shower,” Adrien said. “Are you hungry? We didn’t go out to eat this time.”

“I had a microwave meal.”

“You didn’t eat then,” Adrien proclaimed, marching into her kitchen. Ever since he learned how to cook one summer at Nino’s grandparents, he was a storm in the kitchen. He made food for her whenever he could, always watching her closely for her reaction to that first bite. It reminded her of her father in a way, that excitement to watch her experience new things and know that he was responsible.

She sighed, lumbering into the kitchen on exhausted legs and wrapping her arms around his back, burying her face into it and murmuring her thanks. “I love you,” she mumbled, such a common phrase from her that it always just slipped out.

“I love you too,” he stated, his hands wrapping around hers and giving a reassuring squeeze. “You can put on a new one of my sweatshirts when you get out of the shower,” he said, because eventually she had started a whole collection of them without thinking about it.

She nodded, bending over to remove her high heels before traveling further into the apartment. He was already at her feet by the time she’d managed to overcome dizziness and bend over, beginning the process of unbuckling her heels and tossing them aside.

She blinked at him, feeling his soft blond hair brush against her leg and immediately giving into the urge to touch it. Her hand wove through the back of his hair and he pressed a small kiss to her leg as he finished the last shoe, tossing them aside. “There,” he said, smiling up at her.

She really hoped he thought she was red from the fever.

Freed from her shoes, she felt the world blink in and out as she stumbled to her bathroom, turning the shower on cold to combat her fever despite her body’s pleas not to. She practically fell into the shower and she knew that he heard, rushing to the door as quick as possible. “I’m fine,” she called before he could so much as knock, blinking at the mixture of shampoos and soaps before her. When would she finally make room for Adrien to have his own shelf? She shook her head, tempted as always to see if there was some magic in his fifty-dollar shampoo, but settling for her strawberry-scented one instead. Adrien had teased her the last time she’d used anything on his recommendation.

Finally clean, she emerged from the bathroom, walking the short distance in her towel before ending up in her room. “It’s almost done,” Adrien said from the kitchen as she pulled on a pair of joggers and one of his old sweatshirts, pulling her hair into a sad attempt of a bun.

Deeming herself close enough to presentable, she moved back into the kitchen, steadying herself on the wall when he noticed her and his face broke into a smile.

“You didn’t have any chicken stock, so I made leek soup,” he said, gesturing to the bowls, one for her, one for him.

She nodded, grabbing the bowl and moving to the living room, scooting too close into his side when he settled on the couch beside her, flicking on the tv. He threw on the show they’d been watching recently, a bad soap opera about werewolves that had the sets falling apart around them. She let out the softest yawn when the theme music began, sinking further and further into him until he finally finished his food, placing his arm around her.

“When is she finally going to realize that he’s in love with her,” she grumbled. “I mean, they’re dating, aren’t they?”

“I don’t know,” Adrien said, pulling the empty bowl from her lap and pulling her on top of him, the two laying together as the show continued to play. His eyebrows furrowed, concern for the characters showing on his face, “I mean, she has stuff at his place and everything.”

That didn’t mean anything, Marinette had things at Adrien’s place. She had more than one drawer, a whole closet even. “I mean, he said he’s in love with her, right?”

“Yeah,” Adrien agreed. “And they go practically everywhere together, people invite them as a couple.”

“And he sends her all these texts every day of things that she’s into!” Marinette complained. “I don’t know much about love, but that seems like it’s part of it.”

“Mhm,” Adrien agreed, pressing his lips to the corner of her mouth. “Thank you for the recipes the other day, by the way.”

“No problem—” she began, and then stopped, her eyes sliding over to him. He still watched the tv with the same expression, not even giving what he’d done a second thought.

“I think he’s finally about to say it,” Adrien stated with a frown. “It’s taken long enough.”

But Marinette couldn’t focus on the show at all. All she could do was stare at him. “You almost kissed me,” she marveled.

He cast her a questioning look, looking over at her just slightly before turning back to the tv. “Do you want me to fully kiss you, or?”

Marinette straightened, using her forearms to jerk back from him, her eyes wide.

He blinked, turning around to look at her, his eyebrows furrowed. “Marinette?”

“You kissed me,” she repeated, deciding at the corner was good enough and reaching to touch her mouth with her hand almost absentmindedly, tumbling against his chest in the process.

“Yes?” He said, peeling her off him to look him in the eyes. “I mean, that’s what people do when they’re dating—”

Her mouth fell open.

“Marinette..?”

“We’re dating?!” She yelled, her eyes wild.

He immediately flattened against the couch, looking almost as shocked at the statement as she was. “Marinette, I have stuff at your apartment, you have stuff at mine. I cook for you, we have shows. We watched all of Naruto together. You tell me you love me every day, and I say it back.”

“But that’s—We—” She floundered, almost falling off the couch.

Adrien’s hand caught her. “Marinette, be careful, you have a fever—”

“How long?” She asked, slumping into his hand. “We haven’t even kissed—”

“To be fair, we have kissed plenty of times before and I just assumed—”

“How. Long.” She repeated, and she could see the pure terror grow in his eyes.

“Two weeks?” He said, quickly explaining, “I mean, I sent you that long text about how much I liked you and you sent me back that you would be lucky to be my girlfriend, any girl would—”

She gasped, almost falling backward this time before his hands plastered themselves to the small of her back, the young man sitting up beneath her.

“Marinette?!”

“You’re my boyfriend,” she said loudly. “Oh my god, you’re my boyfriend.”

“Is that a bad thing?” He frowned.

“But you tell people that you’re married—”

“As a private joke,” he corrected. “I also tell people that I’m taken, not as a joke.” His hands pulled back from her, his voice almost unsure as he asked, “do you not want to be?”

“Of course, I want to be,” she squeaked. “I mean, that’s like asking someone if they want to be rich, or have a room full of puppies, or cure cancer—”

The corner of his mouth rose in a smirk.

“It’s just that I didn’t know,” she finished. “I haven’t even kissed you. And now I’m sick and I have this boyfriend here to take care of me, and he’s going to sleep on the couch…” Marinette struggled to list everything else wrong.

Adrien didn’t give her a chance.

No, instead he grabbed the side of her face and pulled her down, pressing his lips against hers in a firm, inarguable kiss.

“Well, I don’t have to sleep on the couch…” he said as he pulled away.

[olderthannetfic]

[Is the end nigh anon]

I never actually got around to trying discord until recently, mostly because i had a feeling it wouldnt work for me. But then i saw that post of yours about the emergence of ao3 and went to #8(/#9 im sorry)’s blog and found all these guides to set up your own site, encouraging you to learn html and lean into the small web. And ive started trying to learn, but in the meantime i figured id give discord a try as well, since that seems pretty similar to the closed groups of LJ and ye ol internet even before.

And boy oh boy is it not for me. Maybe i just stumbled upon the wrong places but… theres always this “in” feel to them, which of course there would be, theyre basically huge whatsapp groupchats, but with people i dont know. I barely have the energy to be active on groupchats with friends i know and love and know irl and have a history with, i definitely cant be active enough to remain “in the know” in a discord server. This duscussion thread format requires so much energy, and im more of a lurker. I send asks and add onto my reblogs sometimes and stuff like that, but definitely am not in any circles where fandom is conducted privately and nor would i have the energy to be.

Having to use that kind of format as main fandom-format would take it out of me so badly… i understand that with users being the products and the constant exposure, it does seem natural to seek out more closed private places. But i honestly feel discord is not the place for it, at least to me. Everything moves way too fast and the cliques are the last nail for me. If i was interested in social hierarchy i wouldve stayed on instagram. The fact that tumblr is as anonymous as you want it to be and has no follower/likes chasing is the main reason why i love it (besides the familiarity and everything). I understand this is not everyone’s experience, but my dash is curated to death, i never see any bullshit, so to me this space does feel intimate and cozy as well (i guess without chatrooms, but i dont really feel that loss) and im a strong beliver in blocking.

I feel like discord is too careless and borne of modern understanding of internet social spaces, if that makes sense. I feel like closed, more private formats of interacting with fandom would also require more “care”? For example, having your own site, maintaining it, modifing it, lovingly adding to the content, the layout, eveything, theres this “tending to” vibe, which i feel encourages bringing in this vibe into fandom interactions themselves, as opposed to the fast, impossible to catch up with, catty or careless vibe of discord. Yea, the internet goes at breakneck speed and were just along for the ride, but at least in a public space like tumblr that feels manageable.

I do think that to thrive fandom requires being able to take a break without having to suffer the cost of being left behind. And sure, i guess that would work if your server is with people youre friends with, but how often does that happen and how lucky would you have to be.

Feel free to take any and all of my run on sentances as questions, this ended up being ranty.

--

I don't think it's entirely luck, but yes, making discord not be like what you describe does require a very particular kind of group and management.

The biggest thing I've seen, historically, in platform changes is that the people who make spaces or who are the sparkly, obvious people other people trail behind are fine. They go make a new place.

But the rest of the population may or may not be able to follow. It's not always exclusion from a private discord or anything. Often, it's more like the LJ-->Tumblr move. A lot of people were left behind because it's simply too visual here.

Different formats appeal to different types. I've come to enjoy tumblr, but it was quite unpleasant at first.

One reality of fandom is that there is always social hierarchy. People have asked me "Why do you reblog so-and-so so much???" and the answer is generally two things: 1. that person literally sends me their posts (which requires a certain level of bravery or chutzpah) and/or 2. I know them (from cons, from LJ in 2005, from them sending me private chat messages a lot, from them being highly visibly active like I am over a long period of time, etc.). The times we think there isn't social hierarchy are when either we are the one in the clique or those invisible ties between other users are not perceptible.

But scratch the surface--by having to move platforms, for example--and all kinds of social connections and fault lines will show.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 1 “FartsApp” [Episode List] Since he’s a gassy nerd, Dave teases his friend Tim via WhatsApp by sending him a series of short videos of him farting.

FartsApp

Being gay with a fart fetish is really hard sometimes.

For me at least.

While the world is definitely getting more open-minded about homosexuality, I can’t really force it to accept this weird fetish (to be honest, all fetishes are kinda treated like taboos, regardless of the sexuality involved). I had to settle for YouTube videos or websites devoted to this whole fart-sniffing thing; not that I’m complaining: it was good to discover that so many people actually had this fetish.

Cue Dave. Well, sort of, actually. He doesn’t have a fart fetish and he’s not even gay. Dave has been my best friend since forever. Unlike me, however, he’s straight and is currently dating some (lucky) girl.

Around my age, he’s like a brother to me, and we’re actually well-known because of how much time we always spend with each other.

Dave is a great guy, a great friend, very open-minded and, dare to say it, actually quite hot.

Not surprisingly, being the brother I never had, he’s the first friend I came out to, the only one who knows about my homosexuality. Actually, it’s not like I told him… he found out on his own, in the worst possible way (for me).

During one of our nerdy game-nights, being “that one gassy friend”, Dave started to rip -as usual- tons of farts, fueled by some junk food, until he ripped one directly in my face (and boy it was amazing…). Everything went downhill from there… kinda. For some reason or another… he just accepted all at once not only my homosexuality, but also the fact that I found face-farting… hot. He just laughed about it and honestly gave me some encouraging words about my peculiar situation, proving that he’s indeed the best friend ever. Oh… and he also literally farted for me after that, in my face, letting me sniff and enjoy his amazing rips; he can also fart on command apparently: got a taste of his talent that same night.

That one, surreal night.

I still can’t believe it happened.

Felt like a confused dream. Like one of those nights where you drink too much so you don’t clearly remember what happened. But it was all true.

Dave, my best friend, was perfectly fine with me, my fetish, and all this weird stuff.

Yes: I know how lucky I am.

It’s been 4 months since he found out.

And, believe it or not, I’m getting face-farted so often that I’m almost forgetting how beautiful it feels.

Seriously: Dave simply accepted it like I’m living in someone’s crazy fetish dream and, when we’re alone, he just casually farts in my face (without me asking for it). Not always, but very often.

Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that my nose spends a lot of time brushing against his denim-covered butt, our friendship didn’t change at all though: we still hang out with the rest of our friends and generally spend a lot of time together.

Sometimes I’m so in disbelief about how easy-going he’s been with me, that I randomly ask him “You sure you’re OK with… this?” (I say, gesturing all of me), but he just smiles or rolls his eyes annoyed, tired of hearing the same question over and over again. What can I say? He’s perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality I guess, so he doesn’t have any problem with my fetish.

Sometimes though -sorry I say this- I kinda wish he did…

No, I’m definitely not complaining. That’s the best possible scenario for me, but sometimes he can get a bit too… inopportune. Dave is not really a prankster, but he loves teasing his friends, just for fun, including me.

I was in the middle of an important exam once, one of these pop-quiz thingies that make zero sense, and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked my FB private messages and all I saw was this YouTube link sent by Dave. Since I’m a fool apparently, I clicked on it, and one of those popular YouTube fart videos popped up and played, one with really loud farts. The first fart actually echoed in the room and other students glared at me: never felt so embarrassed (not including the night Dave found out about my fetish).

“Dude! Stop sending me this stuff!” I texted him. “I’m in the middle of an exam here!”

I scolded him for this, but the truth is that I couldn’t ask for a friend more open-minded than him.

The fact that he teases him with fart videos like he teases our heterosexual friends with those “shock” porn pics made me feel more… accepted.

But still… I was in the middle of an important exam so he had to stop.

And he obviously didn’t.

He sent me like 10 other links, just to annoy the sh%t out of me.

I mocked him by texting something like “Those videos are quite hard to find. Guess you’re gay too then!” but he would reply with “I had a great teacher!” and send me one of my awkward photos from Facebook.

Other times, since our friendship didn’t change a bit, he even made random references to my homosexuality or even my fart fetish when messaging me to make plans for the night (especially during the weekend). This mostly happens on WhatsApp:

Dave: “Dude, you have to come with us. Stop being a whiny little bi*ch and get up from that couch!”

Tim: “Sorry, man. I don’t think I’ll be joining you tonight…”

Dave: “You know what? If you don’t come with us… you’re gay!”

Dave: “Sorry, I mean… if you don’t come with us, you’re a fuc*ing heterosexual!

Dave: "U ride pussy, don’t you? Fuc*ing straight people!”

He was obviously being sarcastic, but I just loved how he adapted his… uhm… “humor” to my situation.

One time, however, things got a bit… hotter for me…

Dave: “Dude, come over. We have a lot to study…”

Tim: “Sorry, really can’t today. Aren’t you with Dana right now anyway?”

Dave: “I need somebody to focus with, not focus on. You know me and Dana always end up in bed after like 20 minutes.”

Dave: “It’s awesome but this stuff ain’t gonna study itself…”

Yep. Dave and his girlfriend Dana apparently had a very active sex life.

Glad he was getting laid. And Dana was pretty cool to be honest.

Tim: “Dave, sorry. Maybe tomorrow, k?”

Dave: “Dude! Come on! I’m farting like crazy today!”

Did… did he just try to “bribe” me using his farting abilities?

Dave: “Seriously. I just ripped one that was like 10 seconds long. What a waste of farts!”

Tim: “Dave… are you crazy?”

Took a couple of minutes to reply to that one, and then I got two messages at once.

Dave: “Oh yessss, Tim, crazy for youuuuuu!” he wrote, with a heart emoticon at the end (again, he’s a sassy bi*ch as usual).

I then saw that WhatsApp was loading a video sent by him, an actual video, not a link.

It was Dave, a smirk drawn on his face while staring at the camera. He was wearing a simple black shirt. The view soon moved and I saw his slightly sagging-butt in jeans sitting on a wooden chair, and then heard this big fart echoing in his living room (he was alone), rumbling loudly and hard on the wooden surface. He even turned the camera to his face while he was forcing the ���classic”-sounding fart out, making funny facial expressions; indeed, the fart lasted almost 10 seconds, and I obviously loved that: biggest farts I’ve ever heard from him in awhile! It was like watching those funny fartvines on… well… Vine, but having my best friend as the funny/hot farter this time.

Dave: “Hope that convinced you…” he then texted.

I was kinda… “offended” by that last message.

I mean, yeah, I seriously wanted to be there, but I always love spending time with Dave, farts or not (that’s why we’ve been friends since… forever).

Tim: “Are you seriously using farts to buy my friendship? It’s not like I don’t want to study with you. I just can’t today!”

Was that too harsh? Should I have added a smiley face at the end?

Only thing I was sure of, is that I never thought that a sentence like that would even make sense someday.

And I was still bewildered by how Dave was so comfortable with the fact that I loved farts.

Tim: “You don’t need farts to convince me, Dave. More like… you’re making me suffer!” I joked, finally breaking the ice myself with a reference to my embarrassing fetish, proving that I indeed wanted to be there with him, enjoying those farts.

Another couple of minutes passed.

Was he making another…?

Dave: “I know you’re suffering, Tim. Don’t worry. That’s why I’m sending you this.”

Oh boy, another video. Should I play it? Was he aware that I was getting a boner from all of this?

I literally pitched a tent in my pants.

There… it’s Dave again, this time sitting on the couch. The video started with his face winking at the camera with a sly smile; the camera then moved between his legs and slowly panned towards his butt in loose jeans (he probably put his legs on the small table in front of his couch, to make his butt more visible). Now I had a rather unique (and hot -for me) view of both his butt (and part of his crotch) in jeans and his face. He grinned wildly and the fart began, ripped right in front of the phone. The sound and the views were perfect; Dave moved the camera towards his butt as the fart kept going strong, sounding like a deep trumpet; I could see the detailed blue fabric of his jeans as the funny sounds continued. What a lucky phone!

It lasted around 8 seconds and it was simply the hotness.

The video ended with Dave laughing at the camera and all went pitch black.

Tim: “You’re insane, Dave!” I joked again, enjoying how crazy he was about this. And for me I guess.

But I had to tell him.

Tim: “Dave, you do know that all of this gave me a… well…”

But as I was halfheartedly writing the second part of the message, Dave wrote more stuff.

Dave: “Then go beat your meat! I can’t do everything for you, Tim.”

Dave: “And please don’t act like this is some kind of big deal…

Dave: "Wow, Tim got a boner! How impressive!”

Dave: “Let’s all bow to Tim, the mighty guy whose penis can turn bigger!”

Dave: “Behold, the Great Tim! The guy who once had a boner and had to tell everyone!”

Further proof that Dave was being the best friend ever.

He was clearly being sarcastic; he was joking. That was his way of telling me “Nah bro, it’s all good”. And I was kinda surprised that he was so… chill about this stuff. I literally had a boner because of him and he just… didn’t care. As I said, he’s very open minded and perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality, so he didn’t have the irrational fear of “turning gay” when doing this stuff with and for me. I also appreciated that he trusted me with those funny, but otherwise embarrassing videos.

After one or two minutes, I’ve received one big audio file and I just knew what I was going to get when I clicked the triangular-shaped button to play them.

I heard Dave singing my name like he was some kind of serial killer trying to find me.

Dave: “Tim… come here…”

I then heard a series of muffled noises, as if the camera was being put under something, and it was clear what: I in fact then heard the loud, audio-glitching sound of one big fart that lasted around four seconds.

Dave: “He’s waiting for you…” he sung again in that creepy tone of voice.

Another fart, just as big as the first one.

He was on fire that day!

Now I was both laughing like an idiot and having the biggest boner.

Tim: “Dude, you’re on fire! But… to be honest, that was kinda gay…” I chuckled.

Dave: “Says the guy who gets a boner when he hears a fart. You fuc*ing hypocrite.”

He then sent yet another audio file, with him singing that meme-song “I’m gay, gay, gay, I love long big c*cks”, but slightly changing the lyrics. He even put a karaoke version of it on his computer while recording the audio file.

Dave: “You are gay, gay gay, you love long big farts. ‘cuz you’re supah-super gay, and you love big…”

Fittingly enough, a huge fart from my best friend took over the last part of the song. Loud as usual, sounding like a deep chainsaw. I could just imagine how beautiful that was. But the best part was probably the fact that he was definitely farting for me. I know, not your usual “hot sexy” scenario… more like a “sweet” one, in a very twisted way of course.

I wasn’t obviously offended by that “gay song”, since I knew that Dave was just being silly as usual and his mocking words were definitely not mean-spirited.

Tim: “Aren’t you supposed to be studying right now?” I asked.

Dave: “I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be here right now?”

Tim: “Dude, seriously. Thank you! But I’m serious… I really can’t today.”

Dave: “Alright… alright… cya tonight faggot…” he wrote, with a heart-shaped emoticon at the end.

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled a bit, then drove my attention to my own books.

This was going to be a long afternoon. But after only one minute of silence, my phone vibrated wildly: it was Dave and he was calling me. Very unusual in that moment.

“Uhm… Dave? Hello?” I picked up.

I was greeted by a series of “Dude, sorry!” and I was really confused.

“Dave… what?”

It was just Dave being adorkable I guess.

“Dude, sorry about that 'faggot'… that was bit too much, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Bro, it’s OK. I’m not offended. I know you didn’t want to insult me or anything…”

“No, Tim. That one word is not a joke and I shouldn’t have used it, sorry.”

I was just… wow. Dave went from “dominant friendly farter” to “adorable/awkward confused puppy” in mere seconds. Further proof that I was the luckiest guy alive (fetish or not): Dave cared so much for me that he even apologized for the “f-word”, which admittedly is a very bad word for a guy like me. But this time it was coming from Dave, my best friend, a guy who cares so much about me that he would even “censor” his language just to avoid unfortunate implications.

Ironically enough, the roles were switched, and he was the one saying a rapid-fire series of “sorry!” this time.

“Dave, quit with the apologizing. You’re the best.” I chuckled. “We’re bros, that’s what we do: we insult each other!”

“Alright… you sure? Not going to use that word ever again though.”

“Dave… it’s OK. You’re the best.”

“OK… OK. See you tonight. Take care.”

And he hang up.

He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t accidentally offend me by calling me a “fag”.

I would have been, if it wasn’t coming from Dave.

But then again, he also said that he was going to kick in the face whoever dared to insult me.

And he said that before he found out the truth about me: he’s always been quite protective.

“Oh come on!” I shouted, almost annoyed, merely five minutes later, when I heard the phone vibrate one more time.

It was Dave. Again.

He sent another video.

I tried to scoff at it but I was obviously loving all of this instead.

He was lying on the couch, the camera focusing on his butt in jeans. I could see both his face and butt, at the same time. It was like he filmed the video imagining my POV when he farted in my face, and I absolutely enjoyed that.

“Alright, Tim… Sorry for calling you a faggot.” he spoke in a “comically” serious voice. He truly was “sorry”, but it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “I’m really, really sorry, believe me.”

Keeping a straight face, he ripped an incredibly loud, deep fart at the camera. He didn’t bat an eye, blink or smile. He eventually lost it towards the end of that 6-seconds long blast. He chuckled a bit and then turned “serious” again.

“That was a sad fart… we’re both sorry.”

He then closed his eyes and made a funny face, signing in relief as he ripped another long fart, the lucky camera slowly panning towards the seams and textures of the blue denim covering his powerful sagging butt. It lasted almost 10 seconds: truly a fart master. And those weren’t even on command!

“Oh my…” I whispered, staring in awe at the amazing video.

“This one was on the house…” he chuckled, right before turning the phone to his butt one last time and ripping a short series of toots, grinning wildly, clearly forcing those smaller farts out just for me. And that was it.

My boner was definitely wet now as bits of that well-known white substance poured from the tip of of my “standing” dick, slightly dampening my boxers and pants. It was like a volcano going to explode. A volcano that, just like me, couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed to the bathroom and furiously beat my meat, almost strangling my rock-hard penis with a firm grip. I didn’t last much: I literally peed sperm, thinking of Dave’s farts. The best part is that I didn’t need to imagine anything: it was all real. I laughed in relief just as I felt my penis deflating like a balloon, after it vomited its white substance. It felt good, not “masturbation good”, like “life is good”. And it was.

My best friend, Dave, was this fantastic guy who, in his own, twisted way, was taking care of me, accepting me, making me comfortable with my fart fetish. A gassy, open-minded, mildly disgusting “bro” who only wanted to preserve our friendship.

And I couldn’t be happier.

End of Episode 1

[let-me-luve-you]

I’m Proud of You

Tom Holland x Sister

Summary: The reader is in the military and encourages Tom to take the role of Cherry. Now that the movie is coming out, everyone expresses how proud they are.

Warnings: Not too descriptive but mentions of ptsd and addiction, angst, supportive friends and family, talks of the movie Cherry, talks of military

A/N: Hey guys, this is so late and I’m sorry. Just been going through it a little bit but I’m okay. Thank you to those that reached out. I hope you enjoy this.

MASTERLIST       BUY ME A COFFEE     REDBUBBLE

When Tom was pulled aside by the Russo Brothers when he was filming End Game and was given the plot line of the movie Cherry, Tom immediately thought of you. You were his baby sister that served in the military. Tom was hesitant to take the role of an army medic that has PTSD and struggles with addiction. This character would hit home in a way.

You had been home leading to Tom leaving for Atlanta to film the final Avengers movie, but you left shortly after he did to go back on deployment. Tom was never fully calm when he knew you weren’t home. He constantly worried.

When the Russo’s came to him, they knew he would have to consider everything from career to personal. They knew you served your country. What they didn’t know was that you were already suffering from PTSD. Tom knew, which is why it took him all of filming to give them an answer.

One morning when Tom was talking to you, he mentioned the role and how he didn’t know if he should take it. It discussed heavy issues. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to bring it justice. You encouraged him to take the role. You told him you knew he could do the role. That he was an amazing actor. You included that doing this movie could help start a conversation about mental health and addiction within soldiers and veterans.

Tom remembered the conversation like it was yesterday. Now the trailer is being released and he is starting the virtual press tour. You had just come home right before Christmas. Your Christmas present to your family was telling them you were retiring from the military. Tom was ecstatic at the news. He hated worrying about you when you were gone. He was constantly thinking that the next phone call he got was going to be his parents telling him you weren’t coming home.

A month later, you were currently staying with Tom until you found your own place. When Tom was sent the trailer to Cherry for him to post on his own social media the next day, he brought his computer to your room. He knocked on the door and opened it when he heard a quiet “come in.”

“Hey Y/N?” You looked up from your iPad when he spoke.

“Yeah?” You asked, confused.

“I have the trailer for Cherry. They just sent it over. Want to watch?” He asked hopefully. You could see the slight fear in his eyes, but you didn’t understand why.

“Sure.” You smiled at him and set your iPad on your night stand. Tom smiled back at you and sat down on the other side of the bed. He quickly made it full screen and hit play. He had already watched it so Tom watched you through the corner of his eye. He noticed that when it showed the war scenes, you tensed.

When the trailer was over, Tom slowly exited out and shut his computer screen. “What did you think? They are going to send over the movie this weekend. Figured me and you could make a movie night out of it with the whole family.”

“I liked it. You look like you did a good job so far. I can’t wait to watch it.” You smiled at him. Tom immediately knew you were putting on your fake smile.

“Everything okay?” He asked, concerned.

“Yeah. I just…” You sighed and looked away from Tom. “Just still adjusting to everything. You know that I’m going to therapy, right?”

Tom shook his head, “No, I just thought you were going to mum’s and dad’s.”

“No. I’ve been going to therapy. I’m at three days a week right now. The nightmares are just too much to handle. Then I hear sounds during the day and it just flashes me back to there.”

“I’m sorry y/n/n. You know you can talk to me. I want you to know you can talk to me. No matter what time. I talked with veterans, I don’t know what you went through, but I know it wasn’t good. After playing this character, I don’t want to see that happen to you. Did they prescribe medicine?” He asked.

You shook your head.

“Okay. If they feel you need to, please let me know. I really, really don’t want you to go through addiction. I don’t even want to risk it for you to even get close to addiction.” He said seriously. You knew he was. You didn’t want the medicine anyways.

“I can’t wait to see the movie.” You said with a smile. “But can I ask if we can start it early? I already know, I’ll probably need to pause it and take a minute when it gets to those scenes.” You said. You didn’t even need to specify which ones. Tom knew already that watching the military scenes were going to be hard for you.

“Yeah. We can. And if you want it to be just us, that’s perfectly okay. I can watch it with everyone else the next night.” He said giving you options.

You shook your head to turn down the new option, “that’s okay. I can watch it with them. Just let them know I will need to pause it.” Tom smiled at you and nodded before kissing your head and getting off your bed. Tom left to go show everyone else the trailer. 

After he posted the trailer to his Instagram a few days later, positive comments started flooding his Instagram and Twitter. You scrolled through the comments from Harry, Haz, the Russo Brothers, and more people Tom knew and worked with and like all of them. You were so happy to see them support Tom. He had the right people in his corner.Next you saw a post from Tuwaine. First you scrolled through the photos. They were of Tom as Cherry throughout the different times in the characters life.

It’s funny, cos when I see bae do a role like this, I’m reminded again and again of how talented he truly is. I don’t think the world can look at you the same way once this is out.

He added that the trailer link was in his bio and you smiled. Not many people would do that, but Tuwaine has been one of Tom’s day 1s. You loved Tuwaine like a brother. You couldn’t ask for a better best friend for your brother.

You knew Tuwaine’s words were 100% correct. People saw Tom as a kid. They saw him like he is this sweet, innocent teenager like Peter Parker. He didn’t hate that, but he also hated being seen as a kid. Don’t get him wrong, he loves Spider-Man and he would love to play that character for the rest of his life, but he’s 24. He wanted to be taken seriously and no one takes a kid seriously.

You remember getting the selfie Tom sent to your phone when he was filming. You didn’t get it until you returned home, but he loved to text your phone when things happened so you could stay up to date with him. The selfie Tom sent you was when he was in Morocco. He was in all of his military gear. The text under it was,

I put this suit on and I feel like I’m an imposter. I feel like I don’t deserve to wear this. I’m just an actor, you are the real hero in this world. But when I feel like this, I remember what you told me. “If anyone can play this role, it’s you Tom. You have a connection to the military. You see what it can do to the family and friends around the soldier. You know what it has done to me. If anyone can bring this character to the screen and help start a conversation about PTSD and addiction, it’s you. I don’t know another actor that would take it seriously and give it 110%.” I hope this movie does start that conversation. I hope people see this character and realize the severity of it. Thank you for pushing me to do this role. I love you. I can’t wait to see you again. Stay safe y/n/n. I love you.

You decided to post the picture he sent you plus a screenshot of the text. You wanted them to see Tom as Tom. You were so incredibly proud of him and you wanted the world to see that.

Tom, I honestly don’t know what words to say right now, you know I’m not good at them, but I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for going outside your comfort zone. You went into this movie to show people you can be more than the nerdy high school kid and to start a conversation. I read all the text you sent me when filming this. I know the hardships you went through. I cannot wait to watch Cherry with you to see all the hard work pay off. I already know you were absolutely amazing in it. I love you and I’m proud of you!

When Tom got the notification that he was tagged in a post by you, he smiled. He smiled even bigger seeing the photos you used and as he read the caption. He was the luckiest brother in the world to have a sister like you. He quickly comment thank you and love you with a kiss and heart emojis.

“Tom?” You asked as you walked into his room to see him lying on the bed.

“Yeah?” He questioned.

“I really am proud of you. Let’s go out for lunch. My treat.” You smiled. Tom got out of bed and walked to you.

“Thank you for pushing me to do this role. I’m really glad I did it.” He said and gave you a kiss on the head. “Now go get dressed, I’m paying.” He said with an arrogant tone and walked towards his bathroom. You left to get dressed while laughing. Knowing it was going to be a fight to see who actually paid for lunch.

[thedigitalnativee]

i trusted you. (fred weasley x fem!oc)

summary: vespyr trusted him despite being warned of his ways.

warnings: unedited and not proof-read, ANGST, mentions of sex, mentions of nude photos, fred being a dick, me hurting my oc as a way to cope (lol...)

update: vespyr’s name is pronounced ve-spur

Vespyr face claim:

•••••••••••

Vespyr was stunned by what she was seeing. It was as if she could feel her heart breaking in half. She didn’t want to believe it, but how could she not when it was so clear?

Two weeks ago, Vespyr slept with Fred Weasley. She’d always had a crush on him. She was in awe of his ambition and confidence, and not to mention that he was rather dashing as well.

But she knew nothing would ever come of it. After all, she was just one of Ron’s dumb little friends to him.

So when Fred kissed her at a quidditch afterparty, she was shocked. But not shocked enough to tell him no. She had wanted him since she was eleven years old. For years, her dreams and fantasies had been of him loving her unconditionally. So when he said he wanted her, she let him have her. And when he said he wanted a piece of her with him, she didn’t protest.

Maybe she should have pushed him off. Maybe she should have said no. Maybe she should have done anything to keep her from being in the position she was in now.

Now here she sat, tears welling up in her eyes. Next to her, Lavender and Parvati showed her the copies of the intimate photos she shared with Fred that had been circulating around the school. Photos of her in her underwear, posing promiscuously. Enchanted pictures of his fingers running over her breasts and stomach. Laying completely nude on his bed as they made love—or so she thought.

“I’m sorry, Vespyr.” Parvati said.

Vespyr felt like her breath had been stolen away. Her chest was red hot with a feeling she’d never felt before. It was like heartbreak elevated to a higher plane.

“We tried to collect all of them, but I think Fay said she saw more in one of the corridors. We told McGonagall and she’s looking into it.” Lavender added gently.

Fred couldn’t have done this. He would never have shown those photos to anyone. But how else would they have gotten out to the school? Maybe someone found them in his dorm. He wouldn’t hurt her like this.

Vespyr walked down to the common room where she knew Fred was. She had to speak with him immediately. Surely he’d know how the photos had gotten around.

When she got to the common room, she saw Fred sitting around the card table with his friends. She stood in the frame of the stairway with her arms crossed over her chest, feeling everyone’s eyes on her. She saw the dirty look Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley gave to her. She also noticed the way Alicia, Angelina, and Katie laughed at her.

Trying her best to ignore them, she made her way across the room to Fred. As she approached, Lee and Cormac’s eyes landed on her. She felt unease rise in her as smirks grew on their faces.

She realized that everyone in that room had probably seen her photos. The photos that were only meant for Fred to see. They’d all seen her in her most vulnerable and intimate state. And even though she was completely clothed, she’d never felt more exposed.

Vespyr stood behind Fred’s chair, his broad back to her. She cleared her throat as she shifted uncomfortably. Fred continued playing cards, however, as if he hadn’t heard her.

George now looked up at Vespyr. He got a worried look which quickly changed into an apologetic expression. Vespyr couldn’t smile or do anything other than stare blankly at him, too consumed with the thought that he too had probably seen her naked.

Vespyr cleared her throat again but still got no response from Fred. Finally George kicked his brother under the table. Fred winced slightly as George motioned to where Vespyr stood behind them.

She already felt humiliated. She needed to see Fred’s face. She knew once she saw his warm, chocolate eyes and dimples that she’d feel safe again. But when Fred turned to look at her, she felt the opposite of safe. He looked at her like she was an embarrassment, like she was a burden. A nagging duck that had imprinted on him, a pimple that just won’t go away.

Vespyr looked down at her loafers, a hurt feeling coming over her. “Can I please talk to you?” She asked Fred.

Fred glanced back at the other boys at the table. Vespyr wanted to sob when she saw the way they chuckled. Then Fred turned back to her, “Yeah. Sure.” He shrugged, smacking his hand of cards onto the table.

Vespyr practically sprinted out of the common room and into the corridor. Fred followed behind her with his hands tucked into his pockets.

They stood in the corridor, Fred barely able to meet her eyes. The fact that he couldn’t even look at her was enough to tell her that he had done something. She didn’t even have to ask because she already knew. But still, she wanted to hear him say what he had done. And she wanted to know why.

“Please tell me that you didn’t do this, Fred. Please tell me that I’m crazy for even thinking you had something to do with this. T-Tell me that someone stole these,” She threw three of the photos at him, “from your drawer and you didn’t know. Just tell me you didn’t do this.” She said as tears welled up in her eyes.

Fred finally looked at Vespyr. Her nose was bright red and the crystal tears in her eyes made them look unreal. He let out a sigh and Vespyr prepared herself for whatever he was about to say.

“It was so stupid how it started out, Vess. Okay, we were all just fucking around after quidditch practice.” He started.

Vespyr felt a chill run down her spin, “Alright,” She said in a tone that encouraged him to continue.

Fred let his body lean against the wall next to him. “I don’t know who brought it up but we started talking about that stupid fucking list-”

She knew what list he was referring to. She’d seen far too many girls shed tears after finding out they were on it. And she’d also seen girls cry because they didn’t make the list. It was a topic of many conversations for the upper-classmen, and a source of frustration for the school’s staff. Vespyr recalled one time when Lavender gushed about how she desired to be on the list.

The list of Hogwarts most desirable—better known by the quidditch boys as “Hogwarts’ Most Fuckable”.

Vespyr never thought that she would be on the list. It had never even crossed her mind. But the thought of being on it made her feel sick.

“-We were all laughing and then Cormac brought up Ginny’s name, and he said that he was gonna put her on the list unless someone else put another girl on there. And I just got pissed and I didn’t want Ginny on it, so I brought you up.” Fred explained frantically.

Vespyr’s heart began to race. And even still, she felt for him. She still felt a sweet tug in her heart as she looked at him. Even though he was breaking her heart.

“I didn’t know that they were gonna plaster the picture all over the school, Vess, I swear.” He reached for her hands.

Vespyr blinked, gently pulling her hands away. Her stomach started to flip in a horrible way. She felt like she was going to faint. “Y-You showed them those pictures? Why would you- why would you do that?” She asked him.

“They were gonna put Ginny on the list, alright? She’s only in fourth year, I- I panicked. What should I have done?” He tried to make her understand, taking her hands in his again.

This time she snatched her hands away, “You could have told McGonagall, o-or you could have stopped it. I don’t know, Fred, you just could have done something.” She breathed out now.

Fred scoffed, “Yeah, tell McGonagall and have the entire quidditch league think I’m some git.” He defends.

“So you decided that I should suffer the consequences?” She snapped at him.

Fred couldn’t say anything back to her. He had no defense for what he had done. It was a horrible thing to do to someone, especially someone you claim to care about. “It’s just a stupid list, Vespyr.”

Her eyes widened with anger, red clouding her vision. “If it’s just a stupid list, then Ginny could have been on it, right?” She snapped.

“Vess-” He shook his head.

She couldn’t describe what she was feeling. It was a rage and anger that she had never felt in all her life. The betrayal coupled with the dismissal of it all made her livid.

“That’s because it’s not just a stupid list!” She pushed his chest angrily.

Fred pinched the bridge of his nose. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Vespyr. But when Cormac brought Ginny up, he felt like his hands were tied.

Fred tried pulling Vespyr into his embrace but she pushed against him. “Don’t.” She said sternly.

He sighed, “What do you want me to do?” He asked finally.

She looked up at him as if he’d gone mad, “I want you to stop this. I want you to defend me from all the shit people are saying.” Vespyr told him.

He gave her a confused look. “How am I supposed to defend you, Vespyr? Okay, this isn’t all my fault.” He said.

He knew it sounded wrong coming out of his mouth. He just wanted to feel less guilty about what he had done. He didn’t want to hurt her any further, but that was exactly what he was doing.

“I’m sorry, do you mean to imply that this is my fault?” She asked him.

He shrugged slightly, “I mean, you gave me the pictures, Vess.” He said.

“Because you asked for them!” She yelled back, her finger pressing into his chest.

She picked up the photos that were strewn on the ground. “These pictures, these pictures that you asked me for, were private. These pictures weren’t for your ‘stupid list’.” She ripped them up and threw them at his face.

Fred continued to try to calm her down, but she wasn’t going to calm down. There were no words that he could say to make her any less angry than she felt in that moment. He tried to grab her arms, he tried to hug her even. But there was nothing that was going to make this better.

Tears streamed down her face. Her throat was closing up, causing her voice to be thick. She felt like she might explode from the pressure mounting in her head. “You know I never did anything like that for anyone else before you? I never even thought to give a guy something like that until you. And now- now you do this?” She cried.

Fred’s jaw clenched as he looked at the space between them. “Yeah, well, I didn’t force you.”

Vespyr couldn’t believe him. How could he not see the error in his words? And why was he being so hurtful towards? She thought he cared about her. He said he would always protect her and he would never let anything happen to her. She trusted him and now he was doing the very opposite of protecting her. He was deliberately putting her in harm’s way.

She scoffed and pushed past him, not wanting to hear any more. She was so unimaginably angry at him, at all of them. For doing this to her and then having the nerve to think less of her.

Vespyr paused and turned around to look at him. Fred’s tall frame came into view again. “You’re a sad sack of a man and you will never touch me again.” She said as strongly as she could, but the crack in her voice made her fall short.

Fred hadn’t meant to put any blame onto Vespyr. He wanted to be there for her. God knows that he didn’t want to lose her. But it was like every time he spoke, the wrong words kept coming out. His mouth seemed to have a mind of its own.

Now she had confirmed it, though she had already known the answer somewhat. Vespyr was alone in this. The pictures were out and the damage was done. Everyone around her was silently, and not so silently, judging her. And Fred was too much of a coward to stand by her through it all.

~

It had been three very long weeks. Vespyr had only spoken to Lavender and Parvati due to the fact that they were the only people who would talk to her. Then there was Neville, who was always nice. And of course Luna, the kindest soul anyone had ever met. And despite some forlorn stares from across the room on Fred’s part, she hadn’t spoken to him either.

She wondered if anyone had empathy for her. If anyone could stop calling her names long enough to actually put themselves in her place and try to understand. If any of them could bestow a little grace upon her.

It seemed like those pictures just wouldn’t go away. She thought it would blow over after a week or so, but it just wasn’t. Every time she thought it might be over, someone would leave a picture in one of her notebooks or her owl would deliver an envelope full of them, or whatever cruel way the student body decided to remind her.

At lunch, Draco Malfoy and his friends came up to her. Draco tapped her on her shoulder and she turned around. When she saw who it was, she knew it couldn’t be good.

Vespyr sighed, “Yes?”

Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini snickered next to him as Pansy Parkinson sneered at Vespyr.

“Sorry, we just wanted to know your price.” Draco smirked, elbowing Blaise playfully.

Lavender glared at him and Vespyr sat there with a confused. She wasn’t sure what he meant by her ‘price’, but knowing Malfoy, it probably wasn’t something nice.

“What?” Vespyr asked in an annoyed tone.

Theodore chuckled, “You know, your price for pictures.” He explained.

Vespyr rolled her eyes, putting down her fork and standing up to leave. The group of them started to laugh as Lavender followed her out.

“Don’t worry, boys. I hear she’s pretty cheap anyway.” Pansy remarked, her words being the last thing Vespyr heard before she left the hall.

~

About two days after that, Dumbledore called Vespyr into his office. He’d told her that he’d been made aware of her predicament and was concerned for her.

To say that Vespyr was embarrassed was an understatement. She was appalled and ashamed. She felt humiliated.

Her mentor, her headmaster, had seen those god awful photos of her. The fact that he was aware made it clear that other members of the staff had to know also. Vespyr found herself examining her teachers for any signs that they had. A slight stutter when they spoke to her, a quick aversion of the eyes, lips pressed in a firm line. They all made her wonder irrationally.

Have they seen my photos? Have they seen my body?

It made her feel sick.

“Well, Miss Morgan, I can assure you I will be looking into this and I will get down to the bottom of who is responsible. Until then, I’ll be tasking Professor McGonagall with deciding your punishment.”

Vespyr’s head shot up at his words, “My punishment?”

Dumbledore nodded authoritatively at the young girl. Vespyr was dumbfounded that she was to be punished also. He should have been consoling her, not scolding.

“I’m sorry, Professor,” She shook her head as she fiddled with her fingers, “I can’t imagine why I’m being punished.” She said truthfully.

“It’s you in the photos, is it not?” He tilted his head forward, his old eyes widening slightly.

Vespyr chuckled almost, “Well yes, but— Professor, I-I’m a victim. I’ve done nothing wrong. My only crime is caving to pressure.” She explained.

Dumbledore sighed and stood up. He went to the bookshelf in the corner of the room. Vespyr turned in her chair to follow him. He placed a hand on his hip and looked back at her.

“Miss Morgan, let’s not be deluded. You have a mind of your own and you’ve used it very keenly in the past. You used that independent mind of yours to decide to take those photos of yourself and give them to whomever you did. Does that diminish the seriousness of what has been done to you? No, it does not. But you are responsible for it in a sense. No one can make you do anything against your will.” Dumbledore said.

Vespyr felt a lump rising in her throat. She didn’t care what anyone thought. She didn’t care if she had decided on her own to give those photos to Fred. The fact of the matter was that they were meant for only him. They were given to him, someone she trusted, during a time when she thought they were in love. Yes, she had given him the photos on her own accord, but it didn’t mean the world got to see them as well.

She grabbed her bag and darted for the door. Dumbledore stepped in her way before she could leave. “Now just wait a minute, Miss Morgan.”

“No. You know what? You have no idea what it’s like to be a young girl in a cruel world like this. A world that shames you for showing too little, as well as shaming you for showing too much. A world that tells you that you must give yourself to a man or else you’re a prude, but also tells you that it makes you some kind of whore if you do decide to have sex. You and people like you wanna place the blame on us girls because you know deep down that you enabled this.” She spit at him.

Dumbledore had stepped back from her, his firm expression faltering at her bold language.

“You, Headmaster, have turned a blind eye to the barbaric environment in this school. You’ve allowed the quidditch teams to harass and torment the female population at Hogwarts by your continued dismissal of that list. And now, to feel less guilty about it all, you intend to place blame onto me.” She continued.

Her hands were balled into fists so tight that her fingernails broke the skin on her palm. She could feel the tears brimming her eyes.

Doesn’t anyone have any sympathy for me?

“Miss Morgan, are you trying to tell me that someone on one of the quidditch teams is responsible for this?” He asked her.

She calmed down very fast, Fred’s dimpled smile coming into her mind. Her anger subsided suddenly as she realized that incriminating the quidditch team meant incriminating Fred. And as angry as she was with him, she didn’t want him to get in trouble. She hated that she still loved him enough not to make him pay.

The pounding in her heart stopped and sped up all at the same time. Her fists unclenched, blood trickling down her palm. She wiped away the tears that formed in her eyes. Some of the blood on her hands smeared on her cheek.

“That’s not my point.” She said firmly. Vespyr sighed as she looked at Dumbledore’s minimally concerned face. “Punish me if you must. It’s not like it’s any worse than anything else that’s happened to me.”

~

Luckily, someone in the world did have sympathy for Vespyr.

Professor McGonagall only gave her an extra study hall as her punishment. But honestly, the extra study hall spared Vespyr from seeing her vicious peers, so it wasn’t much of a punishment. It actually was a reward.

“The world is unkind, Vespyr. Someday I hope you’ll remember what I’ve done for you and make it kinder.” McGonagall had said to her.

Vespyr walked into the common room after her study hall at the end of the day. When she did, all eyes were on her. She’d grown used to the stares, the whispers. But she still got a chill when she felt them.

As she walked past Harry, Ron, and Hermione, she heard Hermione whisper something. “Careful, I hear libertinism is catching these days.” She said and Ron snickered.

Vespyr stopped walking. She closed her eyes and sucked in a sharp breath.

She couldn’t let it go on any longer. If she couldn’t defend herself then she had nothing. From the beginning, she resided to ignoring the comments being made about her. But seeing the way Hermione, a girl so intelligent and remarkable, talked about her made her unimaginably angry.

Vespyr turned, “You know, you talk a lot of shit.” She snapped at the other Gryffindor girl.

Hermione wavered slightly. Ron and Harry fell silent along with rest of the room.

Vespyr’s eyes glanced over to Fred, who sat in the corner with George and Lee. His eyes looked sadly upon her, as if he were pleading with her.

Please don’t do this to yourself. His eyes said. Please.

But Vespyr wouldn’t stop.

“Excuse me?” Hermione scoffed.

Vespyr stood her ground, “You heard me, Hermione.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

Hermione’s lips curled into an uncomfortable smirk. Angelina, Alicia, and Katie all quietly laughed as they watched the exchange. And then Ginny stood up.

“Just who do you think you are?” Ginny asked.

“I’m a fucking human being, that’s what I think! And you know what? Yeah, I took those pictures of myself and they got out. You all have made it your job not to let me forget. I’ve been called every name and been the butt of every joke under the sun this past month. And all the time, I’ve had no one but Lavender and Parvati by my side.” She said as she tried not to cry.

She looked at Fred and he looked away from her. He felt guilt course through him as he saw the pain in her expression.

“You all are angry with me but you aren’t at all angry with the person who did this.” Vespyr could feel her emotions coming undone.

Fred could hear it in her voice. It was like he was connected to her. He could feel the ache in her heart as if it were his own. He hated that he was the cause of that ache. He’d rationalized what he did to Vespyr by saying it was to protect Ginny, because it was, but that thought just wasn’t enough anymore as Vespyr stood in front of him broken to bits.

He stood up and walked to Vespyr, “That’s enough, let’s get you upstairs-”

“The person that deceived me with flowery language. That gained my trust only to betray it!” She pushed against his chest harshly and he stumbled backwards.

She turned and faced the other side of the room where the rest of the boys were. “Why is it always us that has to be held responsible for your wrongdoings? How come we’re ridiculed and called whores while you all suffer no consequences. Why does no one every get angry at you for victimizing us?” She sobbed at the empty expressions of Cormac McLaggen and others.

When she turned back, she saw that Hermione was red-faced and had a guilty look in her eyes. Everyone else was eerily silent and stared at Vespyr in shock. The only sound audible was Vespyr’s heavy breathing.

“Vespyr, I-” Hermione tried to speak, but Vespyr’s eyes found Ginny again.

Vespyr charged at the fiery-haired girl, “It would have been you. Had Fred not been there, it would have been you on that stupid list and not me. You should thank me!” She screamed at her and Ginny flinched.

Fred forcefully intervened, grabbing Vespyr by the shoulders and pulling her away from his sister. “Enough.” He said firmly. “I’m taking you back to your dorm.”

Vespyr felt anger and sadness boiling deep within her. She couldn’t decide between the two emotions because both were so strong. As Fred guided her up the steps to her dorm, she felt him pulling him into her chest. She couldn’t resist burying her face in his shirt, and she hated herself for it.

Fred sat her down on the bed and Vespyr couldn’t meet his eyes. “Your pajamas,” He said.

Vespyr shook her head, “What?”

“Um... I forgot where you keep them.” He said softly.

Vespyr felt like vomiting. She couldn’t believe that she had presented herself that way in the common room. She wasn’t the kind of person who told people how she felt so openly. She certainly wasn’t one to hysterically scream and cry in front of people. As if she wasn’t humiliated enough, now she had done this.

She crossed her arms over her chest, “Second drawer down on the left side.” She said softly.

Fred hurriedly went to her drawer and fished out a pair of blue pinstripe pajama pants and a blush pink sweater. He remembered that combination after the first night he made love to her.

He placed the neatly folded pajamas next to her. He noticed how she still looked away from him and he felt his heart sink. Her silky hair shined in the dim light of the dorm room. Dainty fingers fidgeted in her lap nervously as her knee bounced up and down.

Fred could feel the urge to brush her hair away so he could see her. He ached you run his fingers through it like he had done so many times before.

Vespyr could feel his attention on her. She should have wanted him to leave, but she felt comforted by him just being there. Instead of wanting to push him out of the room, she wanted to pull him down in the bed with her.

Finally Fred spoke, “Look, Vess-”

“I know, you’re sorry. You’ve told me.” Vespyr interrupted.

Fred sighed, slightly aggravated that she hadn’t let him speak. He sat down next to her and it took Vespyr by surprise. But she was even more shocked when he took her hands in his.

Oh, how she missed the feeling of his skin on hers.

“No, just listen.” He looked at her but she wouldn’t look at him. His thumb ran across her soft skin, rubbing in the crystal tears that fell onto her hands.

“From the moment I met you all those years ago, I vowed to myself that you would be the only girl I ever loved. And even though I’ve had other lovers and girlfriends before you, I always knew that in the end I would only be with you. Because you’re the only person I ever want for the rest of my life. That night that we first made love, I promised to myself I would never hurt you, and if I did I would work everyday to make it up to you.” He squeezed her hands gently.

Vespyr felt her throat closing up. She never knew that he had loved her all that time. For almost a decade, the two of them had loved each other and didn’t know it. She wished that he had given her a sign that he felt the same way.

“So, that’s what I want to propose to you now. I want to know if you’ll let me make it up to you. Because I love you, Vespyr Morgan. And I’m completely and totally uninterested in living a life without you. And I know that I’m a bloke for what I did, and I’d bet on the fact that I’ll fuck up countless times over. But I promise, if you give me a chance, I will do my best to make sure that it’s me that gets hurt and not you.” He placed a hand on her cheek.

Vespyr felt herself rest into his touch. Her tears pooled in his hand. She tried to resist kissing his palm, but her lips were on his calloused skin before she even realized it.

In all honesty, she wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t know whether to forgive him and kiss him tenderly, or tell him to sod off and slap him. Obviously he wasn’t deserving of her forgiveness. What he did to her was vile and careless. But goodness, she was so in love with him. And when he looked at her with those puppy dog eyes, she felt like she’d been hypnotized.

Her mind was foggy and her heart had found it’s way to her throat. So when she said what she did next, she almost didn’t hear the words fall from her lips.

“I forgive you.” She said.

Fred settled for a moment before she spoke again.

“I forgive you,” She swallowed, “but I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” She finished.

Fred’s heart dropped yet again. What had he expected? For her to just easily fall back into his arms after what he’d done? She could never trust him again, obviously. How could she be with someone she didn’t trust?

“I do want you to make it up to me, Fred. I may not forget it, but I’m willing to put behind me. Because I love you too, and as angry as I’ve been with you, being away from you has been agony.” She rested her hand on his neck.

Tears pricked Fred’s eyes. He wasted no time pulling the younger Gryffindor into a kiss. He’d missed the way her lips melded to his and the way she warmed under his touch.

He knew as he kissed her that he would rather die than ever hurt his darling again. She was the most prized thing in the world to him, and he’d be damned if she ever suffered at his hand again.

They pulled away and Vespyr rested her head on his shoulder in a hug. Fred gently rubbed her bag, nestling his nose in her candy-scented hair. The two magical beings relished in the moment.

“I love you, Vespyr. More than anything. And I promise that I’m yours as long as you’d like me to be.” Fred spoke.

Vespyr held him tighter as he spoke, squeezing her eyes shut. “I love you, Fred. I will love you for as long as I live.”

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Darkling Character Analysis

Full disclaimer, I’ve not read the books, though I have ordered the first so I am hoping to have read that soon. But just so you are aware this character analysis is based entirely on the show version of the character. Obviously there will be spoilers for all of season one. Also I just want to say that my aim with this analysis was to sort of get into The character’s head and so alot of this is just what I think the character might have been thinking, feeling and what his motivations may be, it does not mean I agree or disagree with his actions. When I am giving my view on his actions I will try to make it as clear as possible. Also this is just my interpretation of the character and my own opinions on the character, it is ok if you disagree. So obviously this is an analysis of the character The Darkling but I am also going to be talking about his relationship with Alina so I guess its also a sort of analysis of their relationship too just solely from Aleksander’s side of it. I will be using all of the names he has interchangeably because he has so many that I don’t know which one to stick with (seriously haven’t seen a character with this many different names since Jace from Shadowhunters) so sorry if that’s annoying. Fair warning this one is probably the longest analysis I have ever written and they are usually pretty long so I would suggest if you are going to read this maybe get some beverages and snacks first. I mean I think it shows how compelling and interesting a character he is that I was able to waffle on as long as have about him. But yeah its long. Of course you can also always scroll on past. But if you would like to read it then the rest is under the tag. 

Ok so first off I think the show does a really good job of building up the character in the first episode by giving us some information on The Black General before we and Alina officially meet him, they really give the character this air of mystery by giving us only a small amount of information about him but also by not letting us see his face. We get small tantalising glimpses of him, a shot of his boots in the mud, his carriage passing by, the back of him with his cloak billowing in the wind as the skiff enters the fold. It’s just enough to peak the audience’s interest. But most of what we learn in episode one is from what other character’s tell us. The very first mention we get of The General is from Mal and it’s a very small detail but I actually think it can tell you alot about The Darkling’s character. When Mal and Alina come across the Grisha practising Mal says ‘They’re always picking on us when their General’s not around.’ This seems like such a throwaway comment designed to show us how the First Army feel about Grisha and paints this picture of the Grisha thinking they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha. But it actually suggests that if they only do it when The General is not around then he does not tolerate Grisha bullying First Army. That he doesn’t think its ok for them to act like they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha and that he believes in humility even. Which I think is really interesting. This tracks with Nadia’s comment later in episode three when she says that General Kirigan insists that the Grisha eat peasant fare to keep them humble. Yet while he encourages humility he also makes sure that the Grisha have everything they need in order to flourish and he obviously cares a great deal about the Grisha, I feel like rising the Grisha up and making them strong has been pretty much his only drive and motivation over the hundreds of years since the fold was created. 

The other thing we learn which is repeated a couple of times by a few of the characters is that The General cannot bring down the Shadow Fold. In fact I think there are two conversations about it. The first between Inej, Jesper and Kaz when Jesper asks why the General hasn’t taken it down to which Inej replies ‘Have you ever put out fire by adding more fire?’ The other conversation is more flippant and is between Dubrov and Mikhael, where Mikhael sarcastically says the General is there to save the day and Dubrov asks if he’s going to tear down the fold. So on two occasions we have characters believing the General is powerful enough to fix the problem of the fold only for them to be corrected and told that he can’t. It seems like the show wants to make it very clear that the General will not be destroying the fold and I could be reaching here but this could be foreshadowing for later when we learn he doesn’t desire to bring down the fold.       

Of course even after the first episode the character of the Darkling still remains a bit of a mystery. He’s the kind of character where the more you learn about him the more questions you have. This tactic of giving us small pieces of information about him, just enough to keep you interested continues throughout the season and of course you have the twist in episode 5 where its revealed that he’s the ‘villain’. And yes I did put villain in quotation marks because I personally feel like its too simplistic a term to use for the character. I do feel like he’s more than just a two dimensional villain and there is alot of complexity to the character and his actions just for him to be considered the ‘bad guy’. 

So lets have a look at some of those actions and think about what might have been his motivations and what he might have been thinking and feeling. I want to start with one of the more controversial of his actions and as a warning this is a sensitive topic. One of the earlier things we find out about is that General Kirigan gifted Genya to the Queen. I’ll be honest when I first watched this scene I was so caught up in the new character and what was going on in the scene that I didn’t think much about Genya’s comment about being a gift to the Queen but when I thought more on it later I realised that it was a rather dark idea, that you could gift a person to another person. It becomes especially darker later when you find out what Genya suffered at the King’s hands. I kept wondering a few things, one being why the General would gift a child to the Queen in the first place, two whether he knew what the King was when he put Genya under the royal family’s care and three if he didn’t why he didn’t remove Genya when he discovered what was happening with the King. I do feel that we didn’t get enough information in the show (I don’t know if there’s more information in the books) to really answer these questions but I’ll give it my best shot. Firstly why would the General gift a child to the Queen? Well I actually think this one is easy to answer, he needed a spy within the Royal Family. We know that Aleksander has suffered and been betrayed by a king in the past. He won the Old King a war and in turn that King turned on not just Aleksander but on his people too. I feel like Aleksander was blindsided when this happened and he just didn’t see it coming and because of that his people were slaughtered. It would make sense then that the General would want to keep an eye on the royals and get a warning if they were planning on turning on Grisha again. I also think this is why they refer to Genya as a ‘gift’. That was just the wording the General used to manipulate the royals. Here’s a gift that I am granting you out of respect and to honour and please you, is going to go over a lot better than hey here’s a spy I want in your household. Genya is essentially the General’s trojan horse. As for it being Genya as oppose to someone else, like a trained adult Grisha, well I think that’s because it would be easier to get the royals to take a child into their household than an adult, even as a gift. They will be alot less suspicious of a child than they would an adult. Also they might bond with a child and therefore treat them as more of a confidante as time goes on. As well as that Genya had a very specific set of Grisha abilities that made her perfect for a vain Queen. I may be wrong on this one but thinking back to my history education I think I remember being taught it was fairly common during the time period if a young lady was discovered to have a particularly special talent, like say singing for example, they may be given as a gift to the Queen as this may gain favour for the maiden’s family if she is made a lady in waiting. So if I am right about that then whilst it might seem strange to us it may have been a fairly normal practise to the characters. I mean Alina didn’t seem shocked when Genya said she was a gift to the queen it was learning about the King that upset her. 

Also I do wonder if some of the reason why he placed her with the royal family was because he believed she wouldn’t fit in with the other Grisha, she does say that she is almost as rare as Alina. I don’t know for sure but maybe the General suspected she would struggle with being different from the other Grisha and so decided the best way to help her grow and flourish was by giving a special mission of her own. 

Ok so what about question 2? Did he know what kind of person the King was when he placed Genya under his care. In my opinion I don’t think he did. I am basing this on how he always seems to want to make Grisha safe and wants them to flourish and also due to his actions with Alina when things between them became more intimate, we know that consent is something Aleksander cares about. So to me it would be out of character for him considering how much he cares about the Grisha and consent for him to knowingly put Genya under the King’s care whilst having the knowledge of what would happen to her. I feel like he would also consider it as a disrespect towards Grisha from the King for him to harm a Grisha woman like that especially as she was ‘gifted’ to them. Also when Alina herself asks a similar question in episode 7 when she says ‘did you think Genya was safe when you placed her under the King’s watch?’ To me I think the Darkling looked somewhat upset that she would think that he would knowingly put Genya in that situation. However I do think that by the time Alina was discovered and brought to the Little Palace he was aware of what was going on with Genya and the King as he makes that comment about Alina remaining at the Little Palace with him to train undisturbed. The way he said undisturbed made me think he thought the King might decide he wanted Alina and the General was warning the King away, making it clear that if he wanted the fold destroyed he would have to leave Alina alone. His actions here in protecting Alina also make me think that he didn’t know at the time of placing Genya with the Royal family what would happen to her. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake with Alina that he made with Genya. 

As for number 3, why didn’t he remove Genya from the King’s care once he did find out about what the King was doing? I saw a few comments about this. All of them saying the same that because he didn’t get Genya out he was as bad as the King and was complicit in what happened to Genya. But I actually think it’s more complicated than that. For one thing technically he did remove Genya from the King’s care when he had her poison the king and then made her Corporalnik. Though obviously he didn’t do it immediately. We’ve got no timescale as to when he find out so who knows how long they were planning this. But also there was one line in episode 3 that I think answers this question best, when the General says ‘I may lead the Second Army, but the King is still the King.’ Whilst the General is powerful he still only has so much power over the King. He needed the King’s permission just  to have Alina at the Little Palace and for her to train, which is what the demonstration Alina had to go through in episode 3 was all about. I don’t think the General had the power to just walk into the Grande Palace and take back Genya. The only way he was getting Genya out of there was by killing the King. Also correct me if I am wrong but I feel like what the King was doing to Genya was a large part of the General’s motivation for poisoning the King. I mean we weren’t given much information about the King other than what he was doing to Genya, which made me think that’s why he was poisoned as we weren’t told about any other bad things the King had done that might lead to the General deciding to poison him. I think once he found out what the King was doing to Genya he allowed her to be the one to carry out the poisoning knowing that she would want revenge rather than trying to remove her right away and potentially causing tension with the royal family and also making it harder if not impossible for Genya to be the one to exact her revenge on the King. I guess what I am saying is its possible that Genya was the one who wanted to stay because she wanted to be the one to kill the King. I mean that’s the impression I got from her conversation with Alina where she says ‘I waited for years for my chance at revenge.’ For all we know General Kirigan might have offered to remove her from the Royal household and she might have told him she wanted to be the one to help him take down the King. Whatever his motivations were and however much he may or may not have known I think we can all agree that him ‘gifting’ Genya to the Queen was a mistake. I personally feel like it was more of a similar mistake to when Alina burned the maps. She had good intentions, she did it to protect someone she cared about, but in the end she caused others harm. With Alina she wanted to protect Mal and her whole unit was killed. With Kirigan I think he hoped a spy in the Royal household would protect the Grisha but in the end Genya was harmed by the King. One question I do have is whether Kirigan feels any guilt over what happened to Genya, whether he regrets his decision. I mean we did see him protect Alina from the King when he insisted she remain at the Little Palace. But was that just because it was Alina, the Sun Summoner? What if it were someone else. For example say the King came to the General and said he had taken a fancy to Marie, or Nadia or Zoya, and asked for them to be sent to the Grande Palace, would the General have agreed or would he have made some excuse as to why they couldn’t go, maybe even sent them on an assignment to protect them? There’s no way we can really know the answers to these questions as we just don’t know enough about the situation. All we know is that the General ultimately decided to get rid of the King but even then we don’t know for certain what his motivations for that were.   

I suppose you could say that him plotting against the king and conspiring with the apparat to usurp the throne was also a ‘bad guy’ move. But to be honest after telling us everything that the King did and just generally presenting the royal family in a negative light, I was surprised that Alina had such a problem with what the General did. To me it didn’t make sense for her to be upset and using that against him. I mean after learning what he did to Genya I was fully on the Darkling’s side when it came to killing the King. If they were trying to present this as a ‘villain’ move on the Darkling’s part then they did a poor job of it because I completely understood where he was coming from with that one. 

I felt a similar way with his other big ‘villain’ move when he expanded The Fold into Novokribirsk. At first I found it hard to have sympathy for them considering literally a couple of minutes before we were being shown that the soldiers were planning on murdering everyone on the skiff as soon as it docked. Couple that with the fact that Zlatan had arranged to assassinate Alina and once again I found myself on the Darkling’s side, I mean screw Zlatan and his soldiers. It was another case of it wasn’t until I rewatched it that I realised the villainous part of what the Darkling did was that there were civilians in the city that were also killed. To be honest I do wish that the show had done a better job of showing those civilians to really get across the horror of what the Darkling did. I mean on a rewatch I could see a few civilians mixed in with the soldiers but they were blended in so were hard to spot. I guess that was the purpose of Zoya having family in the city, to tell the viewer that there were innocents there but I just don’t think it made enough of an impact. I feel like if they had focussed in on actual civilians running and being swallowed by the darkness as well as the West Ravkan soldiers it would have had a bigger and more horrific impact. Instead it just kind of came across as the bad guys who had been built up as being bad throughout the season, who were rebels and who had tried to kill the main character, were finally eliminated. Lets be real if Alina had been the one to take out those soldiers we would all have been cheering. Lets talk about Game of Thrones for a moment as an example (spoiler alert for GOT here) however you felt about the way Dany’s descent into madness was written one thing the writers did right in The Bells episode was focus on the civilians that Dany was killing on the ground. They cut away from Dany completely and stayed on the ground with her victims and so you get that impact of what she has done, you see the horror in what she has done and I think this is something that would have worked well with Shadow and Bone. If they had just cut away from the skiff for a scene showing the civilians, the victims that were being effected by what the Darkling was doing then I think I would have been more shocked and effected by his actions. 

Ok so lets focus back in on the character and talk about what his motivations might have been for Novokribirsk. Why did he expand the Fold and take out the city? Well again I don’t think its hard to answer that question. We have to remember that he is a General that is fighting a war on three fronts. He’s fighting the Fjerdans on one side, the Shu Han on another and then the cherry on top is that the West Ravkans are rising up in rebellion. It’s already hard enough having to fight two enemy countries without also having to split your forces again to deal with a rebellion. The General knows that they are already overstretched without having to split their force again to deal with Zlatan. So if you look at it from his point of view striking down Zlatan now before the rebellion gets too large is a tactical military move. Also the fact that it is such a violent move will act as a deterrent for any remaining rebels who might think of trying to restart Zlatan’s movement. As well as to Fjerda and Shu Han, a this is what we do to our own people when they act against us so think about what we might do to you if you cross us, kind of deal. As for the innocent civilians that were in the city well I think the Darkling would convince himself that it was a numbers game. He might have killed hundreds of civilians but as far as he sees it he has spared thousands of lives that would have been lost if they had gone to war with West Ravka. By now the General knows the cost of war, so to him sacrificing a few hundred civilians is worth the price of saving thousands of his soldiers. Of course there is another motivation for the General, one that is less military strategy and more personal and emotionally driven. As Kaz says he was a man fuelled by vengeance. These soldiers standing on the dock had turned their back on Grisha and even worse than that they had tried to kill Alina. In the scene where The Darkling is talking to the Conductor and the Conductor admits to agreeing to assassinate Alina for a million kruge you can see how angry this makes The Darkling. This idea that someone would harm Alina for something as material as money is unforgivable to him. I said in a previous post that I wondered if the General always planned to expand the fold into Novokribirsk and I actually think the answer to that is no he didn’t. I actually think he was trying to make up his mind about what to do about Zlatan and his rebels, its possible he had a number of strategies to go with and was trying to decide which to choose, with expanding the fold being the most extreme of them. I actually think this here is the moment he decides to go with that plan. As he walks away from the Conductor and the Conductor asks ‘tell me how I can help’ The Darkling replies ‘you already have.’ I actually think what he meant here was you’ve helped me make up my mind. Them daring to harm Alina was the linchpin.         

Which brings me to the next part of this analysis, The Darkling’s manipulation and relationship with Alina. One of the great things the show did with the Darkling’s character was making him so complex and nuanced that the audience is in very much the same position as Alina when that reveal is made about Aleksander being the Black Heretic. Just like Alina (if you haven’t read the books) you are left sort of blindsided. Also just like Alina the audience is left wondering how much of it was a manipulation. Was all of it part of his manipulation? Or were there some moments that were real? Did he care at all about Alina or was he just interested in her power? 

Well I will say this, while I do think he always planned to manipulate her, I don’t think he ever planned or tried to use seduction as part of that manipulation. I think we have to remember that he was waiting for the Sun Summoner for hundreds of years and I think he spent that time creating his plan for her and her power. We also have to remember that when he was creating this plan he was expecting to find a child. I think his plan was to earn her trust as a mentor and build a confidence between them. I think he planned to bring her up with his ideals, to bring her up believing the best thing was to use the fold as a weapon, to bring her up to always want to protect the Grisha and to bring her up to embrace her power. However this whole plan had a wrench thrown in it when he does finally find Alina and she’s not a child, she’s a grown woman and one that has been taught her whole life that the Sun Summoner’s purpose is to tear down the fold. Changing the ideals and beliefs of an adult is alot harder to do than a child. On top of that I think he does develop real feelings for her. But these feelings get in the way of his plans, which makes everything all the more complicated for him.        

Lets go to the moment they first meet. I do think right from the get go he is intrigued by her and mean I think when you watch the scene you are so focused on Alina and what she must be going through and feeling, how scared she must be being dragged in front of this powerful General that she’s only ever heard stories about, that we don’t think about what this moment meant to the General. I mean he has been waiting for this woman for so long. She could be the solution to all of his problems, a fix for all of his mistakes. She has been his one glimmer of hope in the vast darkness of eternity. And now she’s here in front of him. Jessie said in an interview that Alina felt a connection to Aleksander right from the beginning, but I think he felt a connection to her too. I think you can even see the moment they make that connection and it’s when he takes her wrist in the tent.

Once he takes her wrist they never break eye contact even as he draws her sleeve up higher, their eyes are glued to each other. Then they both pause for a few beats and again just stare at each other.

The tension between them is so thick it almost makes you want to yell get a room at the screen. It’s like they both suddenly felt something click between them, a oh I know you, kind of moment. But I also feel like Aleksander is a bit surprised by this feeling, he wasn’t expecting it. They don’t break eye contact until The General cuts her arm releasing her power and causing her to look down in surprise. But almost immediately Alina brings her eyes back to his. One kind of cool little detail I did notice is that you can see the reflection of the beam of light in both their eyes.

It’s like a thread connecting them both, I don’t know why but it sort of reminds me of that red thread of fate legend. But also with them both having dark eyes the beam of light reflected in them sort of reminds me of yin and yang. The other thing of note is the General’s facial expression when he sees her power. Whilst everyone else is looking on is awe and surprise, he looks almost content, definitely happy and maybe even a bit hopeful. To me he kind of looks like he’s just had all his prayers answered. 

I think Kirigan is further intrigued by Alina in episode two when she talks back to him with that rant about maybe he hasn’t found anyone with her power because they didn’t want to be found. I think its the first time in a long while that anyone has stood up to him and not just said yes sir. I actually found it really comical how surprised he was when she said no to him. You just know he hasn’t heard that word much in recent lifetimes. But I do think this plants those first seeds of him seeing her as an equal to him. I think this is where he starts to see her as not someone to bow at his feet but someone who belongs at his side. Then when she confesses that she hid from the testers because she didn’t want to feel even more alone I think he really saw something of himself in her. I mean you can see his facial expression shift. I think this furthers his idea that she is meant to be at his side, that she is the same as him and I think even at this early stage he begins to hope that maybe she is someone who will understand him as no one else ever has. In that moment he is determined to make sure she doesn’t ever feel alone again and that is why he tells her ‘you are Grisha, you are not alone.’ You can see from the passion in his voice when he says it that this is something very personal to him. 

However despite this connection he feels to her and the care I think he has for her too, he does manipulate her. I think one of the more obvious manipulations happens in episode 4 when he takes her to the fountain. Something that is worth noting is that before setting out on their ride Aleksander takes off his Kefta. Their Keftas in the show are presented as their armour, so I think it was a very deliberate move on his part to sort of send the message to her, look I’m taking my armour off for you and I am being vulnerable and open to you. He furthers this by giving her his name to create this familiarity between them. Then he takes her to a place that is personal to him and then he really gets into his manipulation game. Here’s the thing though, I feel like most of the time when we think of manipulation we think of lies. But sometimes the best way to manipulate a person is through twisting the truth and I think this is what he does here. From their conversations so far I think he has figured out that Alina feels like an outsider and that she fears being alone and not fitting in. I definitely think he uses this information to manipulate her by telling her the story about how he used to go to the fountain as a boy after he discovered he was descended from the most hated Grisha in Ravka and wished to be anybody else. He knows that Alina will respond to this story, that it will make her feel sympathy for him and also make her feel like he is someone who understands her and therefore someone she can trust and rely on. He is also most definitely being deceitful in that he knows she thinks he is talking about being related to the Black Heretic when in fact he is the Black Heretic. However that doesn’t mean that what he said was untrue. I really do think he used to go there as a boy and wish to be someone else. As for being the descendant of the most hated Grisha in Ravka well my theory there is that he could actually be talking about Morozova. In the flashback in episode 7 Aleksander says that he and Baghra are his descendants and that means that if he created the amplifiers than Aleksander could create an army. Baghra gives the warning that Aleksander will die like Morozova. This makes me think that Morozova died in quite an unpleasant way, maybe even killed because he was feared and hated. I mean sure the Black Heretic is the most hated Grisha in all of Ravka now, but whose to say there wasn’t someone who came before him? Another Grisha who was hated like the Black Heretic is now. And maybe when Aleksander was a boy he discovered he was the descendant of Morozova and that was a burden on him, so much so that he wished he was someone else. 

I also think he was being genuine when he talked about how he is never seen as the solution only a reminder of the problem. I mean we’ve seen this ourselves in episode one its one of the first things we learn about him, that he can’t bring down the fold. I also think he’s being truthful when he says they always need someone to blame but again he’s twisting this truth. Alina thinks he means he is being unjustly blamed for not being able to fix the Fold but I think he actually is talking about how the Old King turned on him. I’m also sure over the years many people have blamed him and the Grisha for all the ills the world has suffered. But I do think he really meant it when he told her that he wouldn’t let the world make her the new Heretic. I think making sure that doesn’t happen is something he cares deeply about and I think it shows that he does have some care for her that he is so determined that she doesn’t go through what he did with the world turning on him. 

Slight diversion here but I do want to talk about whether or not this hatred the world has for him is justified, I mean he did create the fold and that fold has killed alot of people since its creation. So surely just the fact that he created the fold is enough to solidify him as the villain. Well I think that depends on why he created the fold. I mean we get three different versions of how and why the Fold was created. The first one we hear is in episode 4 when Alina tells us the story that is taught to children in school. They say that history is written by the victors, and whilst I personally don’t think there were any victors in the creation of the fold, The Black Heretic disappeared with its creation, presumed to be dead, so the Old King probably considered himself the victor and was left to decide the history. Therefore this story was most likely the Old King’s version of events. In this version of the story it talks about how the Darkling hungered for more power after being made the Kings military advisor and this made the king fear that the Darkling would try to overthrow him. So he put a bounty on his head and that of anyone who stood by him. Eventually the Heretic realised he was outnumbered and decided to create an army using forbidden science. But he failed, creating the fold and killing himself and countless others. The second version we get is from Baghra and it is similar to this one. She says that he created the Fold to use as a weapon, that he tried making an army with merzost and that he didn’t think about what that would do to the people who lived there, that it turned the men, women and children into the Volcra. That she had warned him there would be a price and that he didn’t listen. She also says that he took a noble’s name to hide after. Baghra’s version paints Aleksander as power hungry and as someone who will stop at nothing to get what he wants no matter the cost. But there are somethings I think its worth noting about her version. The first is that it is very brief, sort of like the cliff notes version, as they are in a hurry and she needs to get Alina out of there pronto. She doesn’t have time to go into all the details so she tells her enough to convince her to leave. Which brings me to my second point, Baghra’s motivation here is to get Alina to flee, so logically the best way to do that is to tell her the worst parts of the story and leave out anything that might make Alina feel sympathetic towards Aleksander and therefore hesitate about leaving. Another thing to remember is that Baghra whilst she might know somethings wasn’t there for a lot of it, she didn’t see Luda killed by the soldiers just knows that she was killed and she didn’t witness the confrontation between Aleksander and the soldiers. However what she did see likely had an effect on her. There is one moment in particular during Baghra’s story where she becomes emotional and choked up, there are tears in her eyes and you just know she is reliving a bad memory and that is when she talks about the women and children who were turned into the Volcra alongside the soldiers. Think for a moment about where Baghra was when the fold was created. She was inside the sanctuary with the women and children who were hiding from the soldiers. Which means that she would have witnessed them turning into the Volcra which must have been a horrifying scene. 

Eventually we get to episode 7 and we learn what really happened when the fold was created and the story is more tragic that first told. I mean first you have the whole situation with Luda. He obviously loved her deeply and I can only imagine how painful it must have been to see her murdered right in front of him and to feel that guilt of her dying because she was protecting him. I mean the words ‘just mortal’ now make me want to burst out crying anytime I hear them. Then he gets to the sanctuary and there’s all these Grisha there that need protecting. I think he feels a responsibility for them. Then his mother reminds him that they are not fighters, they make things. Which gives him the idea of creating an army using merzost. It is worth pointing out here that when telling the tale to Alina Baghra says that she warned Aleksander that there would be a price for using merzost, but when you actually see the conversation what she says is that whilst the small science feeds them merzost feeds on them. This suggests that the price to be paid is by him. So yes he was aware there would be a price but he assumed he would be the one paying it. I think if he knew that the people inside the sanctuary would be turned into Volcra he might not have gone through with it. This is another thing that makes the story even more tragic. Aleksander was driven to create his own army by his wish to protect his people, but he lost control and ended up destroying the very people he was trying so hard to protect. Another thing I noticed when Alina is telling the story of the heretic in episode four when she gets to the part about the Heretic being killed along with countless other you can hear what sound like screams in the background, also Aleksander looks really sad and guilty. It is also right after that he says he had devoted his life to undoing the great sin aka the creation of the fold. We see this look of guilt again when Alina confronts him in episode 7 about being the one to create the fold and therefore responsible for the deaths of her friends and parents. You see him look to the floor.

 I really do think that he has alot of guilt about the fold, he sees it as a mistake.  We see both Baghra and Alina make the claim, the fold was no mistake. But in episode 7 we learn that it was, Aleksander did not deliberately set out to create the fold. It wasn't his intention. It seems to me that he wanted to bend the will of the soldiers to his, to make them his own army, but I think he lost control due to the emotional state he was in at the time. I mean right before the soldiers were threatening to murder all the people inside, including his mother, and were mocking him about Luda’s death. He was grieving, he was angry and he was fearful for his people. We were told the fold was born out of greed but lets be real it was born out of grief and out of pain and anger and fear. 

So if he considers it such a big mistake why doesn’t he want to tear it down? Well I think its two fold. On one hand he might be afraid of what he’ll see. It’s like Kaz says to Zoya ‘it’s dangerous to go looking for the dead. What you see may haunt you for the rest of your days.’ Tearing down the fold will reveal all the destruction he caused to the land and to the people who lived there, he’d have to really confront what he did to his own people. But I think another motivator is what he said about undoing the great sin. I think he thinks if he makes the fold useful then at least it would have made the ‘deaths’ of his people mean something somehow. If creating the fold cost them their lives then maybe by making it a weapon that can be used to protect Grisha will make their ‘deaths’ a worthwhile sacrifice.

Ok so diversion over, lets go back to the Darklina relationship and how much of his actions were a manipulation. We’ve already established that he was being manipulative when taking her to the fountain and was telling her twisted truths. But if we stick with episode 4 there’s the scene where she comes to visit him at night in the war room. This whole scene I actually think he was being completely genuine. I don’t think any of it was part of his manipulation of her. First off is the way they are both dressed. They are both in their nightclothes which gives this idea of them being more intimate and more exposed to each other. I said above that the Kefta is seen as the Grisha’s armour, well here neither one of them are wearing their Kefta. They have both taken off their armour and are letting each other in. When Alina first finds him he is looking over the war map and you can see that he looks troubled, which you know fair enough considering he’s fighting a war on two fronts, having to deal with getting supplies through the fold and how to deal with the rebels. I love the way he looks at Alina when she comes in though, its just so soft and I feel like he feels instantly calmer when he sees her. But then he starts talking about how he’s been fighting the war alone and lost friends, about how their own people are turning on Grisha just as their kin once did and he is clearly thinking back to when the Old King was hunting him and his people. When the shadows start creeping in I think his pain is very real, I don’t think this was an act at all and once again if you listen closely you can hear those faint screams in the background. Then Alina dispels the shadows with her light and repeats his words back to him, ‘you are not alone.’ I think in this moment he truly does feel like he’s not alone. That he has found someone who understands him and who is his equal, who is like him. So he reaches out and cups her face and tells her he’s been waiting for her a long time. But then she pulls away and says she should go. I think Aleksander is afraid at this moment that he has frightened her away or that he misinterpreted the situation and he becomes very confused. So when she lingers at the door he goes to it and contemplates calling her back, just as she struggles with whether she should go back. But then she walks away and I think he thinks that maybe he was wrong and she doesn’t feel the same as him and he is a little angry with himself for losing focus and for feeling something for her and so he locks the door between them.  

Another question I asked myself was whether he always intended to put the stag collar on her and to control her powers. In my opinion this one has a bit of a yes and a no answer. I think he kept changing his mind. He clearly knew that by killing the Stag and putting the amplifier on her he would gain control of her powers. As I said early I think his first draft of the plan, shall we say, was to find the Sun Summoner as a child, to gain her trust as her mentor and teach her that the Fold is a weapon to be used as opposed to something that needs to be torn down. If he had found her as a child he would have had a lot more control over her and could shape her into what he wanted. However when they find the Sun Summoner she’s an adult and believes that its her fate to tear down the fold so he has to do a rework of his plan. On top of that he’s got this problem that she clearly doesn’t want to be the Sun Summoner she has no interest in saving anyone and she just wants to go back to being a mapmaker in the First Army. I think it is during that speech where she talks about him transferring her power to someone else that he starts to look into whether that is possible. But as he gets to know her more I think this changes again and he starts to feel things for her and I think he starts to believe that they want the same things and that maybe taking control of her powers won’t be necessary. I think the turning point for him is in episode 5. In the breakdown video of their first kiss Jessie says Alina goes to the General’s rooms because of what happened the night before in the war room where they had a moment in episode 4. Alina wasn’t sure what that moment meant and so she was seeking out Aleksander because she was intrigued and wanted to know if there was something there. Aleksander is once again clearly happy to see her but I do feel like there is some awkwardness there because of what happened in episode 4 and because he feels like he had misinterpreted things and maybe was too intense with her. It’s an interesting dynamic because as Jessie says in that video in this moment he is the vulnerable one. One moment in particular that I think shows this vulnerability is right after she helps him into his Kefta. Again going back to the whole the Kefta is armour thing. When Alina first enters the room like in episode 4 she is wearing her dressing gown she has come to him with her armour off so to speak. He is also out of his Kefta and this early conversation is playful where they are joking about Ivan and the Volcra. But after she puts the Kefta on him is when his mood shifts a little and you see him kind of tug the Kefta tighter around himself. I feel like he was trying to protect himself because the more time he spends with her the more vulnerable and confused he feels, he’s feeling alot of feelings he hasn’t felt in a long time and I think he knows by now that he is well on his way to falling in love with her and this scares him a bit because he has lost loves in the past. Him putting the Kefta back on is like him attempting to put that armour back on. There is another way of looking at it too though. It’s worth noting that on this occasion Alina is the one helping him put the armour/Kefta on, like she is the one giving him protection. Then he turns around Alina is alot closer then he anticipated and you can actually see him struggling to even form words. Then she leans in close to him like she's about to kiss him but changes her mind and walks into the other room leaving our poor guy more confused than ever. Then Alina makes the speech about how she finally feels like she is part of something bigger and that they can offer hope to the Grisha and to Ravkans. In this moment our girl was talking straight to our boy’s heart. I think this is all he has ever wanted to hear her say, especially the ‘we can offer hope.’ I think he really means it when he says it means a lot to him and you can hear the passion in his voice when he says ‘you mean a lot.’ Of course when she looks down he once again becomes afraid he’s overstepped, gone too far and so he tries to backtrack with ‘to everyone’. And well we all know what happens next. Alina kisses him and as he says after he is surprised and not many people do surprise him. I think there is something about this woman that just makes him lose all his senses until his whole world becomes about her. I feel like throughout episode 5 Aleksander feels like he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted. Because maybe she does feel the same way he does, maybe she wants the same things he does, maybe he has found his life partner, another immortal who will always be by his side, finally he’ll never have to feel alone again. I think the moment I decided this fool was definitely in love with Alina was the look on his face when she enters the room and he sees her in his colours for the first time. After watching her demonstration I think he does see her as his equal. He’s in complete awe of her and the only time he looks away is to look at the Monarchs to see their reaction. Basically from the moment Alina kisses him to this moment where he is seeing her take command of the room and truly showing her power, having people bow to her, Aleksander is living his best life, he’s on cloud nine. 

Then he gets word that someone has located the stag. We don’t see the scene where he gets informed of this but you can imagine he probably can’t believe his luck. Not only are things perfect between him and Alina but now someone has found the amplifier. But I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check when he discovers that Mal is the one who found the stag and he’s now here in the Little Palace. I feel like Aleksander sort of came crashing down to earth here and realised he might have a bit of a problem. Once again he’s having to do a quick, rapid, rework of his plan. Which brings us to another moment where the Darkling is being manipulative. He uses Mal to find out what Alina’s favourite flower is. I mean I suppose you could argue that he’s only doing what every other person does when they want to get a gift for their crush and don’t know what would be best, ask the best friend. But all jokes aside this move was clearly calculative on The Darkling’s part. But I couldn’t help but wonder why he decided to use the Irises. What was his motivation here. It’s clear that he has already won Alina over seeing as she was kissing him not to long ago. Well I said earlier that I think he changed his mind about using the collar on her. I do think after their conversation in episode 2 where she talks about how she didn’t want any of it and could he transfer it he thought she was going to be a problem and difficult so maybe he should look into finding a way of controlling her power. In the beginning she was focussed on her old life and I feel like she didn’t have much loyalty or care for the Grisha, it took her awhile to accept who she was and she was also struggling to use her powers. All she wanted was to go back to Mal and I think this may be why, or at least part of the reason why The General takes their letters. For one he didn’t want her to go back to him and so making her think that Mal didn’t care would encourage her stay put and discourage any ideas of leaving. I mean given her comment in episode 3 where Alina asks Genya if anyone had ever escaped the Little Palace, which the General overheard, its not that surprising that he would decide to confiscate any of her correspondence out of the Palace in case she was organising a breakout with Mal. Secondly as I said she was having trouble using her powers and I think after reading the letters maybe he figures out that its because of Mal that she is struggling, so he either stopped the letters because he wanted her to continue feeling abandoned by Mal and therefore he was hoping she would shift her dependence onto him or because he knew if she let go of Mal then she would be able to control her power more and more power for Alina means more power for him to control. This was all very manipulative on his part and obviously not the actions of someone who cares about Alina’s feelings but at this point she wasn’t Alina to him she was the Sun Summoner, a tool to be used and he was thinking as a General who had people and a whole country to protect and if that meant putting the collar on this stranger then so be it. I think he set out to win her trust to make it easier for him to put that collar on her when the time came. But then as he got to know her more, started catching feelings for her and after their conversation in episode 5, I think he decided that maybe he wouldn’t need to use the collar after all. My theory is that he got her the flowers and he took her to the war room instead of the dinner because he was planning to tell her some of the truth. I don’t think he was going to tell her about who he really was and about him being the Fold’s creator but I do think its possible that he intended to tell her about the Stag and maybe even try to convince her about using the Fold as a weapon. So I think he just wanted to put her in as good a mood as he could if that makes sense, sweeten her up before he brought it up. Also telling her about the Stag means telling her about Mal. I think he actually felt a little threatened by Mal because having read their letters he knows how she feels about Mal. So he wants her attention as much on him as possible. I think he very much felt like his dream was slipping away. As for the make out on the war table moment, that could have also been an attempt to keep her sweet on him like the irises. But as I’ve said before Aleksander seems to lose all his senses when he’s with Alina. When he’s with her the only thing he’s focused on is her, and I personally think it was just a case of he really wanted to kiss her. Some of it might also have been to reassure himself that those feelings between them were real, especially now that Mal has shown up. I mean they are both so giddy and happy when they break apart for him to answer the door that I find it difficult to believe that the whole kiss was a cold manipulation, he was grinning like a school boy. My favourite kiss between them (as steamy as their make out session was) was actually the one where he comes back to kiss her one last time. This is right after he has learnt that she was the target of an attack that happened inside of his Palace, which is the one place where his people are supposed to be safe. I think in that moment he just needed to reassure himself that she is safe, you can see his desperation in the kiss. There was just something so soft and pure about it. If I am sure about anything is that one was definitely real, I may have small doubts about the other kisses but that one kiss was 100% true.   

Things only get worse for Aleksander in episode 6 when he realises that Alina is missing. I think how he behaves in this episode tells us alot about how he really feels about Alina. He becomes somewhat unhinged when she goes missing and only becomes more so the longer she is gone from him. His sole focus is on her and finding her, to the point where he kind of forgets about anything else as we see when Fedyor comes to report about Nina, The General has completely forgotten there were other missions and things he was dealing with. Later when he calls Zoya to tell her to prepare a team to track down ‘Alina’s abductors’ and she puts forward the suggestion that Alina ran by herself, he doesn’t even consider it a possibility. The idea that she would willingly leave him is just too hard for him to wrap his head around because as he says to Zoya he is sure he knows exactly how she feels. He is usually the composed, unfazed General but he very much snaps at this moment and I think reveals more than he intended to Zoya, who clearly looks surprised by his outburst. He even says himself with Alina gone he’s not himself, he’s feeling unbalanced and tense without her. So when Zoya offers to help him relax he tells her that he’ll relax when he has Alina. I think its important as well that he says Alina and not the Sun Summoner. It’s not the Sun Summoner he’s lost without its Alina. When he finally catches up with Kaz and is told that Alina fled on her own you can see how shocked he is at this.

 And even then he has trouble believing it because he once again asks where she is and its not until the line ‘It was pretty clear she wasn’t interested in being a captive any more’ that it begins to set in for him and you see his shadows creep in. After you can see the heartbreak set in and then the anger.

 This anger only grows when he learns that she is with Mal and that she is going after the Stag. I think he very much feels like everything has been snatched away from him in a blink of an eye. I think he is angry that he was blindsided by it and he’s angry that he let his feelings for her cloud his judgement and distract him from his plans. Because of his feelings for her he might now have ruined all his plans and, as he would see it, risked the safety of the Grisha in doing so. Naturally its back to plan A of forcing the collar on her, because no matter how he feels about her he can’t let that distract him from his mission to protect the Grisha again. 

However no matter how angry he is at her and how hurt is is that she ran from him, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about her. I see alot of arguments that he can’t have loved Alina because you can’t hurt someone you love like he did when he put the collar on her. But I’m calling BS on that one now because the people you love are the people who can hurt you the most, especially when they are hurt or angry. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you it just means they are human and make mistakes. However that doesn’t mean you should tolerate those mistakes or brush them under the rug, absolutely they should be called out for them and held accountable for them and I am really glad that Alina does do this. The Darkling's anger at her is what drives him to find her and to kill the stag himself so he can collar her and I think this anger builds up whilst he is away from her, again showing how unhinged he has become without her. But I feel like some of that anger ebbs away a bit when he does find her and once she is in front of him again. That moment when he finds her and the stag and Mal is hurt and he calls out to her that she can’t save them, that as powerful as she is she does not have the power to heal. He is obviously thinking back to Luda here. Because as powerful as he was he was not powerful enough to save her, in that moment he was utterly powerless to keep her from dying. I think despite how hurt he is he cares about her too much to watch her go through the same pain and grief he did which is why he offers to heal Mal if she gives him the Stag. The similarities between the two scenes (the one with Alina, mal and the Stag and the one with Aleksander, Luda and the king’s men) are clear and I think really have an effect on Aleksander. I think when he says that Mal was only protecting Miss Starkov there are two interesting points. One is the use of the term Miss Starkov. This is a name he mostly called her when they barely knew each other and I think he is trying to distance himself from her again by making things more formal between them. The other thing is that it draws a parallel between both Mal and Luda. Both Mal and Luda were just trying to protect the people they love and Aleksander clearly doesn’t think either one of them deserved to die for it so he lets Mal live. 

Another scene I want to talk about real quick is the one right before he puts the collar on her. This scene is eerily similar to when they first meet. Once again they are back in a tent. Once again the scene starts with the Darkling’s back to her and with Alina in the hands of a guard/s. I said before that I think alot of the reason why he decides to collar her is because she doesn’t share his views and he feels like he needs to control her so he can weaponize the fold and save his people. That he was angry at himself for believing she might be his equal and share his goals. I think this scene where he talks to her shows that. The fact that he lowers himself to her level I think shows that he does see her as an equal. Then he talks about how together they could end all wars and protect their own and asks isn’t that what she wants. I think he is still clinging to that belief that he wasn’t wrong and that they did want the same things and maybe some part of him was still hoping he might not need to use the collar. But then she asks if they are going to tear down the fold and you can see the disappointment on his face because he understands now that she won’t see it his way. So instead he deflects the question and I think this is the moment that cements his choice to collar her.  

Further evidence that he does still care about Alina comes when he puts the collar on her. This is obviously a very distressing and gruesome scene. What he is doing is obviously wrong and I think deep down he knows it too. He can’t bear to look at her as it happens and so her turns away and its the second time he does as he also looks away in guilt when he threatens Mal. I don’t think he can handle her looking at him like he’s a monster and he can’t cope with seeing the betrayal and hurt in her eyes. It is also worth noting that I think part of the reason why he goes through with putting the amplifier on her is like he said to Mal, he thinks that over the years she will come to forgive him. Now this conversation where he talks about how she might take years to forgive him but he had patience also tells us that the fact that he is hoping for forgiveness shows that he knows what he is doing to her is wrong, that it is something that will require forgiveness. When he comes to see her later in her tent, can we just talk for a moment how nice that tent was, I mean he really went all out for her with lace and flowers like he somehow thought that would make up for him fusing a antler into her collar bone, but again even the fact that he gives her all these nice things shows that he wants that forgiveness and the way he approaches her as well is cautiously, like you would a wounded animal. He knows he’s hurt her and made her angry so he comes in with sweet words of compliments, telling her how special she is, and very quickly comes to know that she’s not having any of it. I mean that look she gives him when he first comes in, if looks could kill he’d be six feet under now. But I really do think he did go to her just because he wanted to talk to her, despite his words to Mal about having the patience to wait however many years it will take for her to forgive him, he wants to fix things between them now. He doesn’t want her to be angry with him and he doesn’t want her to be in pain. He’s desperate to get back what they had in episode 5. Also I think its important that we remember that until that conversation with her in the tent he didn’t know that she had discovered who he really was, so when she ran he believed that she had ran because she wanted to be with Mal which I think contributed to his anger at her and his feeling of betrayal. He couldn’t understand why she would want to be with someone who he believes never appreciated who she really was and who is mortal and will eventually just be a blip in her very long lifetime, instead of being with him who is her equal and immortal like her. This is another occasion where I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check and realises that she didn’t run because of Mal, she ran because of his own lies. So all that anger he felt at her ‘betrayal’ was unjust. But then I think he feels a different sense of betrayal in how easily she believed Baghra. I mean looking at it from his point of view she didn’t come to him and ask for his side of the story or demand an explanation she just trusted Baghra and ran. He is clearly desperate to make her understand and you can see his composure begin to fail as he stands and tells her that everything he is ever done has been to make Grisha and Ravka safer. I really do think that line was true, he really does believe that what he’s doing is the right thing for his people and his country. You can feel his frustration and desperation continuing to build throughout the scene as he pretty much pleads with her to understand and can see that she doesn’t. I think the part that really hurts him though is when she says ‘we could have had this, all of it. You could have made me your equal, instead you made me this.’ This line is so powerful and I think its at this moment that he realises just how badly he has messed up. To be told that his actions are the reason why he hasn’t got her, the one thing he wants more than anything else in the world right now. Also the line of making her his equal I think would have hit him hard because he did see her as his equal and so I think he’s surprised that she believes that he didn’t make her his equal and then when she says ‘instead you made me this’ he realises that whilst he might have seen her as his equal he wasn’t treating her as one. His need for control made her a slave to him and I really think that in this moment he is realising that, I genuinely think this dumbass got so caught up in his own dream of what the two of them together could be that he didn’t realise that whilst he thought he was protecting her and helping her grow into this saviour for their people he was taking away her choices and he was making her feel like a captive, the dummy didn’t think to ask how she felt about any of it because he assumed he already knew, it was the same as what he wanted, to protect their country and people. So his anger when he says the line ‘fine make me your villain’ isn’t just directed at her but himself too. It’s not just his hurt and anger that she doesn’t understand his reasons and that she isn’t seeing it his way, it’s also because he knows it was his own actions that lead him to that moment when the woman he loves is standing in front of him and looking at him like he is a monster. He can’t go back and he can’t undo it and worse than that he can’t seem to get her to understand why he did it. I think he feels trapped and so the only thing he can be to her now is her villain. 

It’s after this conversation that his demeanour towards her changes and you can see that he sort of stops trying to win her over. He’s not as gentle with her, I mean he ties her to the deck of the skiff and answers mockingly when she points out it’s not a good look for him with the ambassadors. I did notice though that after that conversation he seems to have trouble looking at her. When they are walking to the skiff and he tells her that Mal is being held captive and will be released if she does her part, he isn’t looking at her but straight ahead and this is something he does alot when he is threatening Mal. The moment when he takes off her cloak he does glance down at her. I seen alot of debate about that scene, as it does come across as having a bit of sexual tension in it and some people thought it was a rather sexy scene whereas others pointed out that he was holding her captive and mocking her. Me personally I actually think its both. People talk about how it has to be one or the other. But yes in that scene he is holding her captive and that part’s not sexy but there is a moment where I feel like he still feels that draw to her. Before reaching up to undo her cloak it seems to me like a hesitates for a moment. When he goes to whisper in her ear that he doubts they’ll notice her feet and I think he feels that pull and that attraction to her and he is really close to her, I don’t think he’s been that close to her since the war room in episode 5. You can see him lean slightly towards her and I think he really is struggling with the desire he feels for her which is why he steps back with the cloak rather forcefully, like he's having to force himself away from her again. It kind of reminded me of the scene where she helped him into his Kefta. So no the situation itself is not sexy but I do still think there is tension in the scene because the attraction they feel for each other didn’t just disappear despite how hurt and angry they are at each other. It’s like their words are saying one thing but their body language is saying another. 

When they are in the Fold again at first The Darkling avoids looking at her particularly when he is forcing her to use her power to create the tunnel of light. His focus is on The Fold. Again I think this shows that he is determined to not let his feelings for her get in the way for his goals, yet he knows he is taking away her free will and her choice and that’s hurting her so he can’t really stand to look at her. Its the same when she asks to tear down the fold and he answers why would they destroy the best weapon they have. Again he doesn’t look at her when he says it because he knows that he deceived her by letting her believe that was what they were going to do and he doesn’t want to see the disappointment and betrayal in her eyes. Again this is something he does alot and look, I love The Darkling’s character, I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognise his flaws and for me I kind of saw him as a coward for this. I mean if you are going to deceive and manipulate a person and force them to do something you know they don’t want to do, then at least have the decency to look at them. He does however look at her when she tries to save Novokribirsk after he lets the fold consume it. He stops her and you can see the anger when he says they are traitors who tried to kill her and that this action was retribution. I think he hates the fact that she is trying to save the very people who tried to hurt her. But again he looks away from her when he sees the way she is looking at him and how horrified she is by what he has done. 

Their very last interaction is when she uses the dagger to cut the amplifier from his hand and shows him what she is and that she’s the one the stag chose. He sees this as her betraying their people which is interesting because at the end of the episode Alina says that Kirigan turned on his own people. So they both believe the other turned on their own people, the problem here is that I feel like Alina feels more loyalty towards the non Grisha Ravkans, she still sees them as more her people due to spending more time as just a ordinary mapmaker then as Grisha but the Darkling has more loyalty towards the Grisha. Its like how you know parents aren’t suppose to have a favourite child but we all know they do. Well I feel like the Ravkans are Alina’s favourite child and the Grisha are the Darkling’s. Of course they still care about the other but their ‘favourite’ is their priority if that makes sense. By the end of the season when we see the Darkling emerge from the fold I think he is feeling very angry and very betrayed by Alina, however I actually think the fact that she bested him has only made him look at her as even more of an equal than before. Not only is she someone who will stand up to him but now she has become someone who can match him. I do think he’s in this very complicated situation where he is on an opposite to the person he believes is essentially his soulmate. However as much as I think he does love her I still think he will put his people above her and so will continue to act in what he considers to be the best interests of his people. It also seems like he’s got some new powers and was able to create shadow soldiers which again is interesting because he basically just accomplished what he meant to do in the first place when he created the fold, he’s created his own army. 

Ok so that’s all for now to be honest I could talk about the Darkling forever but I think this is already long enough so if you have read all the way to the end thank you for your time. I am thinking of doing other character analysis posts so keep an eye for that if its something that interests you, I think I might do Alina next. I’ll also post my thoughts on the book once I’ve read it.        

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒆! 𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛: 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑻𝒓𝒚 𝑻𝒐 𝑷𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, encouraging, justifying, supporting nor romanticizing Yandere behavior. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of yandere behavior, violence and disturbing scenarios are contained in this post. Read at your own discretion and responsibility.

❧𝙺𝚒𝚖 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐

Hongjoong knew what you were up to, he had eyes everywhere, in the form of cameras, which you weren't aware of. He wasn't scared though. He knew you inside and out, so he knew you would never be able to bring yourself to actually go through with it. Having always been a pushover and complacent person, you'd never harm anyone. And he's also made sure to train you well enough to not try any stunts.

That's why while you two were eating dinner, he watched you out of the corner of his eye while he lifted the poisoned drink to his mouth.

"Wait! Hongjoong don't drink that!" You blurted out.

You quickly got up and tried to snatch the glass cup away from him, but he held it away from you.

"Oh? Why not my dear?" He peered down at you .

Shame took over you as you slumped back in your chair, tears forming in your eyes. How were you to explain to him that you just tried to kill him?

Hongjoong leaned down, his arms resting on the table as his eyes pierced into yours.

"I asked a question and I expect you to answer me."

He gripped your chin and forced you to look at him when you kept your gaze down.

"And when I'm talking to you, I want you to look at me....."

Chuckling darkly, he added:

"Don't make me take you to my room for a little more training."

❧𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚂𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚠𝚊

You were so damn tired of it all. You were exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically from Seonghwa's manipulation and abuse that stemmed from his possessive and controlling behavior. At any point you were going to snap and either kill him or yourself.

You chose the first option. You thought you were pretty discreet in obtaining and hiding the poison vial. You only succeeded in the first one.

"Y/N what do you have there?"

Seonghwa's voice startled you. You rapidly tried to hide the vial in your hoodie, but being stronger than you, Seonghwa wrestled it out of your hands. When he realized what you were planning to do, his head snapped at you, cold menacing eyes staring at you. You were fucked.

"You ungrateful little bitch!"

You fell to floor, barely avoiding the glass hitting you when Seonghwa threw it to the wall next to you. You cried out in pain when he pulled you up by your hair, shaking you roughly as he began exclaiming:

"You're lucky I even chose to look at your pathetic and low life self. Without me, you'd be nothing! And this is how you fucking repay me?!"

He shoved you against the wall, where you then collapsed from how badly your right side was aching from the pain of colliding with the concrete material.

"You have 10 minutes to clean up this mess." He ordered before leaving the room.

You looked down at the broken shards of glass. Picking one up, you held it close to your wrist..

Maybe you should have picked the 2nd option...

❧𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘

Yunho couldn't understand why you would try to do this. He loved and worshipped you, and he thought that things are going fine for a while. And then he found the poison hidden in your things. He was completely heartbroken, but he couldn't let you know that. Instead, he had to think of a plan. Even if it was drastic.

He let you be all lovey dovey towards him the night you planned everything, feigning he didn't know. He willingly accepted the drink you gave him, knowing fully well it had poison. He saw you looking at him intently and he sent a chill down your spine when he said:

"Don't be so surprised. It'll take longer to have an effect on me......than on you."

He turned his head and looked at your shocked expression.

"Yes Y/N. I put some poison on your drink as well. I knew it all along."

You went pale as his words sinked in. You quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. You began hitting your hitting stomach on the edge of the sink, sticking 2 fingers in your mouth, anything to trigger your gag reflex and hopefully puke out the poison. You began hyperventilating when nothing was working and you realized you might die.

You were about to collapse on the floor but Yunho caught you and whispered:

"You got two choices right now Y/N: we either call an ambulance while there's still time.....

Or we die together. Either way you're not leaving me and I'm not letting you get away."

❧𝙺𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚎𝚘𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚐

Yeosang swirled the contents of his drink, eyeing it suspiciously. You could never fool him. He knew the poison better than you did. It was the exact same poison he used to kill off your last lover. Raising an eyebrow he looked at you before saying:

"Baby why don't you take a sip of my drink?"

You dropped your fork and you looked at him with wide eyes. Yeosang smirked when he realized it was indeed you.

"Uh....no thanks." You replied, hoping he wouldn't insist.

"But I'm telling you to."

He got up and slid the drink in front of you.

"So drink it."

Your shaking hand took the glass, spilling some of the liquid from the trembling you had. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

"I can't..... I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?" Yeosang interrogated you, his voice cool and collected.

You broke down and confessed to everything, how you tried to poison him, even though Yeosang already had it figured out. He made you stand up and held you close as you cried your eyes out. Once he felt you calm down a little, he cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears before landing a harsh slap across your cheek, stunning you, but you should have expected it.

Yeosang was even scarier when he was calm, because you never knew what he was going to do.

"Don't ever try that again." Was his only warning before he patted the bright red spot on your face.

It was definitely going to leave a bruise.

❧𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝚂𝚊𝚗

You tried and tried to pull out of your restraints, even though you knew you had zero chances of breaking free. San always made sure your bonds were tight and secure.

"Look."

You heard him say but you didn't want to look. You gasped when he clenched your jaw with his hand and forced you to look up.

"I said look!" He growled as he held your face up.

You sobbed even harder when you looked into your friend's terrified eyes. You wished it were you instead, you deserved it, not them. You were the one stupid enough to try and poison San. So why must your lifelong friend suffer the consequences?

"I say give it a few more seconds before the poison starts taking effect. I'm actually curious, what exactly were you planning to happen to me?"

It all started and ended so quickly. The image of your friend's body convulsing on the floor, their blood shot red eyes, their gagged breathing followed by the foaming of the mouth....... until their lifeless body layed on the floor, a trickle of blood pouring out from their mouth.

San cringed, as if he were staring at nothing more than a bug.

"What an awful way to die."

Turning his attention back to you, he added:

"Maybe that'll teach you to not get any ideas in your stupid little head."

❧𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

You woke up and made your way into the kitchen, fixing yourself some breakfast. It was awfully quiet. You shrugged and put your plate on the table. Looking at the time, you noticed it was an odd hour for your parents not to be up.

"I'm supposed to be the one sleeping in." You joked more to yourself.

You opened the door and went to your parents bed, trying to wake up your mom. Lifting the covers up, you let out a piercing scream when your mom's pale and lifeless face stared back at you, your father in the same condition. Scrambling to get up, you ran to the telephone to call 911, but the line was dead.

"Oh my god!" You cried out as you went back to your room to get your phone.

You opened the door and froze when an all too familiar face greeted you.

"Hi baby cakes." Mingi's deep voice said.

"You?! What are you--- it can't be! You're supposed to be dead!" You exclaimed.

1 year ago, you managed to escape your psychotic boyfriend's clutches, by poisoning him. So why was he here? It had to be a nightmare and you wanted to wake up.

"Supposed to, but I'm not. As you can see, I survived."

When he came near you, you ran away, but Mingi being faster caught up to you really quick. You struggled to get out of his grasp, but he managed to press a cloth on your nose and mouth. In less than 2 minutes, you succumbed to the effects of the gas and fell unconscious on him.

"How cute darling. I missed having you in my arms." He smirked as he picked you up to take you away with him.

❧𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚘𝚘𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐

Wooyoung sighed as he stepped over your writhing body. Calmly, he dialed a number.

"911, what's your emergency?" The woman asked.

"I need help! My s/o tried to poison themselves!" He cried out, making himself spill out tears in mere seconds, completely fooling the operator.

Once he hung up though, the tears were gone and his usual cold expression was plastered on again. You tried to gasp for air, your eyesight going black, the last thing you saw was Wooyoung's deadly gaze.

He was also the first thing you saw when you woke up in a hospital bed. Wooyoung played the part of a doting and concerned boyfriend really well, all the medical staff never doubting the veracity of his statements. You on the other hand knew it was all a lie. And he showed his true colors to you while you were alone.

"Tsk tsk. Seriously Y/N, if you're going to try and do something as stupid as trying to poison me, do a better job."

He scoffed at you. It wasn't your fault though. How were you supposed to know he switched glasses with you when you turned away for a second?

He walked up to you and loomed over your fragile figure.

"Don't you dare say anything to anyone, got it? And when we get back home, there'll be hell to pay for your little stunt."

As if going through a near death experience wasn't bad enough, now you were wishing Wooyoung had just let you die instead of just scaring the life out of you....almost.

❧𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝙹𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚘

Jongho was furious, livid with you. He couldn't believe what you were planning to do. Not wasting a minute, he stormed into the living room where you currently were. He flung the poison vial on the couch, where you recognized it and knew you were now screwed.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" He asked, arms crossed over his chest.

You couldn't speak, you couldn't even look at him. You were afraid of him.

"You're seriously trying to get rid of me? When all I've ever done is protect you? Take care of you? When all I've ever done is love you?!"

You flinched when he flipped the coffee table with one hand, sending it flying feet away, breaking once it crashed on the floor.

Jongho grabbed you by your arms and started shaking you.

"Get it straight through your head Y/N: no one will care, love or protect you like me! No one but I gives a damn about you! No one is even looking for you! So why are you trying to get rid of me?"

You let out a yelp of pain when he clutched you too harshly, making him stop immediately. Like flipping a switch, he hugged you and caressed your hair.

"You can't go out there in the world again. You just can't. They'll hurt you and I can't have that.....you need me... I'm your protector and you must stay with me..."

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[organic-guacamole]

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

[mimisempai]

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you 3/3

Summary:

Loki would like to express his feelings to Mobius but doesn’t know how to do it, he finds a sympathetic ear in Miss Minutes, without knowing that Mobius is suffering from the same problem…

Chapitre 1/3 - Chapter 2/3 - Chapitre 3/3

A little story, of love, of friendship, of two idiots in love…

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32351812

3804 words - Rating G

The door closed on the two stunned men. Mobius automatically locked it behind them.

He was the one who decided to break the awkward silence. He pulled out a chair and sat down opposite Loki, who didn't know where to look.

He took his hand between his own and called softly, "Loki, look at me."

Loki obeyed and turned his eyes to him.

"Do you really believe that?" asked Mobius gently.He was still shocked by what he had just heard, by the realization that he and Loki had actually the same uncertainties about their relationship.

"What?"

"That I will one day ask you to leave?"

"That's what everyone does," Loki replied with a broken voice. "When I have nothing to offer or when I disappoint their expectations, people abandon me, because Loki alone is not enough. You're the only one who's stayed so far, so I always wonder when I'll do or say the thing that will make you leave."

"Oh Loki, come here." He drew Loki to him, so that he was straddling him. He put his arms around his waist and looked up at him.

"Sylvie is absolutely right to call us idiots, each of us fearing on our own that the other will leave."

Loki looked up a little surprised, "You? You're afraid I'll leave you?"

"What's so amazing about that? You're young, handsome, smart, sexy as fuck and look at me?"

Loki flicked him on the forehead and said, looking threatening, "Don't speak ill of the man I -" he stopped, aware of what he was about to say, his heart pounding.

Mobius took his chin and held it up to him, his gray eyes straight into Loki's, "The man you what?"

Loki decided to take the same step of trust he had taken the first day they met when he decided to grab Mobius' hand.

He closed his eyes and said, "The man I love. You Mobius, the man I love."

Mobius' hand still held his chin tightly, and when Loki opened his eyes, he was surprised to see an expression of vulnerability like he had never seen on the man's face.

He released his chin from Mobius's hand, leaned his face on Mobius's until their lips touched, and whispered against them, "You know what I told Mimi before you came in, before what you overheard? I was telling her the reasons why I love you, although in reality they are only some of the reasons why I love you."

He kissed him gently before moving closer to his ear and repeating everything he had said to Miss Minutes right down to the bit about the tight jeans. His words brought a slight blush to Mobius' cheeks.

"My jeans? Really?"

"Count on my lover to remember only that reason." chuckled Loki before continuing, "but those aren't the only reasons, they're the main ones of thousands of other reasons. You love me in the moments when I am not able to love myself. You understand me. And when you don't, you do everything and go all the way to clarify the things you don't understand. You accept my sadness and anger and live in harmony with them. You are smart and you learn quickly. You let me be myself and encourage me to discover more about myself. You know how to take me boldly, wildly and forcefully when we make love. Yes, yes, that's important too! But you are always gentle and caring. You don't hesitate to shut me up and lead us when necessary. You call me all the sweet nicknames and give me hugs when you leave and come home."

His voice tight with emotion, he stopped and for once it was he who needed to wipe a tear from the corner of Mobius' eye.

"So tell me if these are the words of someone who wants to leave you? No one can hold a candle to you because I don't need anyone else, I don't want anyone else. I only want you."

Loki leaned over and put a hand on Mobius' jaw and gently pressed his lips against Mobius' and then opened his mouth to deepen the kiss.He felt Mobius smile into the kiss and meet Loki with the same passion.

They broke the kiss a few moments later. Mobius gasped and resting his forehead against Loki's in turn, whispered, "I love you."

He kissed him lightly and then whispered again, "I love you Loki, god of mischief, and I have no intention of leaving you."

He kissed him again, this time more deeply, putting all the conviction of his feelings into the kiss. Loki put his arms around his neck and kissed him back with the same fiery passion. Both filled with the elation of being loved in return.

They parted panting. Mobius, tucking a lock of Loki's hair behind his ear, smiled and murmured, "As nice as this is..." He moaned because Loki had just delivered a particularly naughty and not at all subtle hip thrust. "I said as nice as it is, I'm too old to do this on an office chair, and I much prefer the privacy of our home."

Loki calmed down and repeated in a dreamy tone, a shy smile on his lips, "Our house."

"Yes, our home. Didn't you think of it that way?"

Loki nodded, "Yes, but hearing his words, right after what we just admitted to each other, sounds different. Like something real and really ours. It's a little confusing, sorry."

"No, no I know exactly what you mean, love. There's a human proverb that says Where your home is there your heart will be too, but actually I've always believed the opposite, where your heart is there your home will be. Wherever we are, if you are there it will be home."

Loki smiled tenderly, "Mobius, you're so sweet I'll probably get cavities."

Mobius pushed him and Loki almost fell on his butt laughing.

They were still laughing as they walked out of Loki's office, oblivious to two sets of eyes that followed them with fondness.

Sylvie and Miss Minutes sighed in chorus, "Finally..."

"Come on Miss Mimi, let's have a drink in honor of the two idiots."

Miss Minute planted herself in front of Sylivie and said, her little hands on her "hips", "Huh, me, an animated IA, does that ring a bell? Unless you want to blow my circuits..."

"Then you'll keep me company, I'll drink in their honor and you'll laugh at them."

The little watch giggled and they headed for the TVA cafeteria.

Suddenly, Sylvie slowed her pace slightly, Miss Minute looked at her puzzled and understood when they reached Hunter B-15's level.

"Hey HB!"

Hunter B-15, no, she was HB now, -Miss Minute still had to get used to all the name changes-, HB turned to them, and when her gaze landed on Sylvie, she had a smile that Miss Minute had never seen on her face.

"Sylvie! Miss Minute! Hi!"

"Are you done for the day?" asked Sylvie gently.

"Yes, and you?"

"Also, after playing matchmaker of sorts."

"Oh you have to tell me about that, there's a lack of gossip around here these days" laughed HB.

Miss Minute, who was observing the exchange, felt suddenly that she was intruding, the two friends continuing to discuss with their heads bent towards each other, one or the other touching the shoulder or the arm of the other in turn, while Sylvie was recounting the love life of Loki and Mobius.

She coughed for attention, "Sylvie, I think you have someone you can drink with to celebrate now!"  She said with a big smile to let Sylvie know that she wasn't sad at all.

"Are you sure?"

"Perfectly! Have fun girls!" she winked at them and then added, "sometimes a good matchmaker has to step aside to make room for love."

She walked away bouncing.Her little world was happy, and that was enough for her own happiness.

[jaskiersvalley]

i have read your fics more than once. really.

That is super flattering and I am so pleased you read them more than once. Hopefully, this little ficlet of thanks is something you’ll enjoy reading too!

Witchers didn’t have souls. That was a known fact around the continent. Their trials and mutagens and everything else that went on in their mysterious keeps stripped them of their core humanity. It stole away their daemons, left behind unfeeling killing machines that didn’t bat an eyelid at the atrocities fought so viciously. Then again, people whispered that it was better they didn’t have daemons because there was no telling what monstrous creature their daemons would settle into.

Despite all these warnings, Jaskier found himself tagging along with an infamous witcher. The Butcher of Blaviken himself. His own daemon, Miette, settled as a white-tailed mongoose, was happy to trot along by his side or settle on his shoulders. At the start, it was definitely unnerving to have a travel companion without a daemon of his own but, slowly, Jaskier got used to it.

Over time, as Jaskier became more familiar with Geralt, he didn’t miss the longing looks shot towards Miette. While he never touched her, there was a hint of temptation - especially after being in a village where the humans pulled away not their children first but their daemons. On those nights, Geralt always settled a little closer to the fire.

The nice thing about daemons was that mostly there was no need to verbal communication. Jaskier could look at Miette and they were in agreement. However, some things needed more than a look.

“You sure?” Miette asked but she was already turning towards Geralt.

“Go,” Jaskier said, bracing for what was to come. Because either unimaginable ire and offence was going to be rained down on him and Miette. Or Jaskier was in for a night like no other he’d experienced before.

From his own bedroll, Jaskier watched as Miette approached Geralt. Daemon and witcher stared at each other before Miette dipped her head and approached. It was Jaskier who gasped as his daemon nosed her way under Geralt’s arms and nestled into his chest. For a heavy few seconds time and the world was suspended before rushing to catch up as Geralt buried his face in Miette’s fur.

After that night, Geralt actually acknowledged Miette as an entity in her own right and talked directly to her rather than ignore her as he had a habit of doing before. When they were in built up areas, Geralt still ignored Miette. Especially after he once brushed against her at an inn and they were forcibly thrown out as a result. The new rumour that witchers tried to steal daemons for their own was impossible to quash, no matter how hard Jaskier tried.

“Come to Kaer Morhen with me,” Geralt said one night. It was an offer that had Jaskier’s heart picking up in excitement and Miette clambered up Geralt’s trouser leg to settle around his shoulder, tail draped across his throat.

“It would be my honour.”

As winter approached, Jaskier got more and more excited. He was going to meet other witchers, spend the whole season with Geralt and see him relax with family. Even Geralt seemed more motivated than usual. Which was saying a lot because he was the master of hiding all emotions.But Jaskier couldn’t miss the slight bounce of energy in him as they got closer to the mountain range which Kaer Morhen was nestled in.

The climb was bitterly cold and fraught with danger. More than once Jaskier came close to giving up and curling up with Miette, falling to sleep, probably to never wake again. But Geralt’s urging and mutters about Roach kept them moving.

They were on the last leg of the climb, the old keep visible through the trees when Geralt let out a soft laugh. “Vesemir’s home.”

Looking up, Jaskier’s jaw dropped at the sight. There was an elephant by the western wall of the keep, spreading mortar over a large crack. On its back was a man, obviously relaxed.

“How the fuck did you get an elephant up here?” Jaskier asked but Geralt had picked up the pace and was all but jogging to the doors, flinging them open and rushing in. It was a burst of energy that Jaskier just couldn’t muster. And he must have been so exhausted he was hallucinating because the elephant was gone and the man he thought he was on its back was walking towards him with a wave.

Jaskier followed Geralt into the keep and came to a stop, almost choking on his next breath. There were cages on the floor of the entrance hall, three of them occupied by daemons and Geralt was prying one open with excitement clumsy hands.

“I know Roach, I know,” he was muttering and the cage door finally flew open. Instantly, the daemon in the cage was bursting out and rapidly shifting through forms, a wolf knocking Geralt flat on his back, a lioness nuzzling against his chest with a deep purr, a ferret excitedly disappearing down the neck of his shirt and making Geralt squirm until she popped out of his sleeve before shifting to a mouse and nesting in Geralt’s hair.

“What the fuck?” Jaskier whispered and Miette looked just as stunned.

“Welcome to Kaer Morhen,” Vesemir said from beside him, a lizard peering out from his breast pocket. “You obviously know Geralt and now you’ve seen Roach.”

The incredulous “that’s Roach?!” from Jaskier drew Geralt’s attention and he sat up, mouse turning into a cat to sprawl in his arms.

“Roach, meet Jaskier and Miette,” he said and the cat flicked her tail. “She’ll probably come greet you later on but,” Geralt trailed off. It was obvious though, he didn’t want to let go of Roach.

That evening, Jaskier learned a lot of things. Witchers did indeed have daemons but the trials stripped them of the ability to settle on one form. It was safer for them to remain at the keep than be out in the world. A lot of less than well-intentioned people would pay good money to get their hands on an unsettled daemon that could exist at great distances from its partner. Not to mention that having a witcher’s daemon meant ownership of a witcher which was disastrous.

“It also gives us the final boost to come home,” Geralt added, Roach hidden up his sleeve in ferret form. “If we had them with us, we would never make it up the pass.”

“Plus, we know who might return for winter and who might not. An empty cage means we won’t hope needlessly. Speaking of, Bleater’s been looking a little ragged,” Vesemir added. “Eskel’s got himself into trouble.”

Sure enough, when Jaskier walked through the entrance hall, one of the daemons looked rather sorry for herself. She was in wolf form, curled up and shivering. The cage door was enchanted so no matter how small a daemon, it couldn’t pass between the bars.

“Can’t we let her out? Maybe Miette and Roach could give her some comfort?” Jaskier begged.

“The first thing she’d do is take flight to find him. And then he’ll never make it home.” The reply from Geralt was less than pleasing and Jaskier sat by the cage, whispering encouragements to Bleater, trying to keep her spirits a little raised.

The cage next to her housed another wolf. This one threw herself at the door and raged to be let free. When Jaskier dared ask about her, Geralt simply shrugged.

“Lambert’s getting close.”

Sure enough, two days later a new witcher staggered through the doors. He smacked the cage door open and Jaskier bore witness to a wrestle between man and daemon that looked more like a fight than a greeting. Once they were done, the daemon shifted into a cat and swiped at Lambert’s hand.

“You’ll do, eh?” He said to the daemon before looking up at Jaskier. “I see Geralt’s brought home a stray.”

Not disheartened or offended by the exclamation, Jaskier smiled. “Jaskier. And this is Miette. You are?”

“Lambert,” came the reply. He looked at the cat and smirked. “You never did need a name, did you?”

The cat sank her teeth into Lambert’s hand, drawing blood and he laughed, giving her a fond cuff. “Bloody brat.”

Jaskier could only watch as man and cat wandered off but not before their gaze lingered on Bleater in her cage.

Things weren’t looking good for Eskel. Bleater, was on her side and panting by the next morning, looking lethargic and sickly. The witchers all looked grim as they passed her cage but they maintained there was nothing they could do. So Jaskier sat vigil with her, kept her company even though it went against every social etiquette. It was early afternoon when Bleater shivered and gasped on a breath, craning her neck to look Jaskier in the eye.

“Please,” she murmured, “save him.”

It wasn’t something Jaskier could truly refuse. He was up and out the door with Miette a moment later. Eskel had to be close, there was no way he could be too far away. As they got to the path they followed up, there was a low growl from behind them and Lambert’s daemon snarled at them.

“If you’re going to stop us, you might want to snap my neck now,” Jaskier snapped, irritated. He watched as the daemon sniffed the air, scenting it.

“He’s close. Follow me.” She was off and Jaskier had to rush after her, down a different path to the one they took. From behind them there was a thudding and panting, Roach in wolf form appeared too.

“What?” she scoffed. “I’m not suffering a winter with Lambert and his idiot mourning when there’s someone willing to do something about it. Plus-” if wolves could smile, she certainly was, “you get to take the blame for this. It’s not like Vesemir would make you suffer the whole winter.”

It took fifteen minutes of fast paced jogging down a path before the two wolf daemons stopped and sniffed. Whatever they could detect, Jaskier hoped it wasn’t death.

“There!” Miette dashed off through the snowy undergrowth. A little way off the path, there was a small clearing and in the middle of it was a collapsed man. Miette danced around him nervously, chittering to get Jaskier closer. While Roach didn’t touch Eskel, Lambert’s daemon seemed to have no such qualms. She turned into a scarred bear and hefted Eskel onto his back settling over him with a rumble.

“He’ll need to warm up before we can move him.”

It took a few minutes before fingers twitched and buried themselves in the thick fur as Eskel gasped a soft “You.”

“Of course it’s me, idiot,” she retorted.

Eskel looked around, dazed and flinched at the sight of Jaskier. However, Roach’s presence next to him and Miette on her back seemed to help him relax.

“Guess we’re your rescue party,” Jaskier said by way of introduction. “Just as well I don’t believe in leaving people to struggle alone.”

There was something in Eskel’s expression which he couldn’t read. Maybe even grief. “Li’l Bleater got snatched by a forktail. I tried to rescue her but ended up snapping my ankle instead. It’s mostly healed now but I couldn’t push on.”

Shame, that’s what Jaskier could see and he wasn’t prepared to have any of that. He offered Eskel a hand to pull him up and winced as how he still limped. The ankle wasn’t healed up by any of his definitions. His joke about the fact that if that was Eskel’s definition of better could be understood to mean that bones were poking out earlier fell flat. And Jaskier felt a little sick at realising that’s exactly what had happened.

Keeping her bear form, Lambert’s daemon let Eskel cling to her as they limped back towards the keep. It took the better part of two hours and by the time they were back, Vesemir, Geralt and Lambert were standing by the door, looking like a menacing and unimpressed welcome party. Even worse, Lambert scoffed and turned to head into the keep. Jaskier wanted to call after him and berate him however, a moment later, a blur was stumbling and rushing out of the keep. Bleater all but crashed into Eskel who had dropped to his knees to greet her, relief making his shoulders sag.

“Bleat,” he gasped, burying his face in her fur. “Thank you.”

At a more sedate pace, Lambert approached and waited his turn to greet Eskel. As he stood, his eyes met his daemon’s and they nodded at each other. No matter the price, they would have done it again. Lambert squeezed Jaskier’s shoulder as he helped Eskel hobble into the keep.

“I am so disappointed in you,” Geralt chided Roach. “But thank fuck you’re a stubborn mare.”

Vesemir’s quiet “thank you” was the one that took Jaskier off guard the most. He’d expected to be berated, to be thrown out. Instead, there was soft gratitude from all the witchers. And for the whole of winter, Miette had four eternally shifting snuggle buddies to lounge by a fire with. While Jaskier found himself accepted by the witchers, welcomed into their family and, even better, invited back for future winters.

[slashmebois]

You make me breathless

“Hello! How are you? I hope you are very well ;) If you don't mind, could you write about Bo's reaction to an asthmatic reader? being fucking soft on him and freaking out when he tries too hard? How to mount your thigh? I suffer from asthma attacks, you know, it's hell when everyone treats me like a baby, but deep down I enjoy it, thanks in advance and see you!”

 Thank you so much for your request @ !! I hope this fits what you wanted! I kept this GN up until thigh riding, so if y’all aren’t the owners of a va-gi-na you may wanna stop reading at that point.

I’ve not written NSFW before so sorry if it’s a lil cringe haha.

Disclaimer: My only experience of asthma is a close family member who has pretty severe symptoms. If any of the information I put in is incorrect, please drop me a message and I’ll do my best to educate myself and edit the post! I used information from Asthma UK to inform my writing.

Okay first, some background.

When you first arrived in Ambrose and Bo was chasing you, he thought it was hilarious when your asthma started to act up (he’s an asshole, I’m sorry). But he did feel a little teensy bit guilty about that later…

Leading on from that, if anyone does anything that triggers your asthma, well Bo is gonna be pissed.

Both Lester and Vincent have been kicked in the ass for doing so. Vincent is just so quiet that he scared the heck out of you by accident, and Lester bought that cleaning product that sets you off because he wasn’t listening properly.

Boy really thought you needed CPR the first time you had a big attack (he just wanted an excuse to kiss you okay). He’s since learned to keep an eye on where your inhaler and Volumatic spacer are so he can grab them quick.

If you have a preventer inhaler, he tries to remind you to take it.

He’s also a little overprotective (see bullet point two) and panics a little because he doesn’t really understand that sometimes the cause won’t be obvious. He has literally run around holding up things to you and asking if that is what was causing it.

It can feel like he’s babying you since he drops whatever is happening if you get the slightest bit breathless.

But also he drops whatever he’s doing, which is kind of sweet.

Initially he got pretty proud when your symptoms triggered whilst you were getting it on. Once you’d recovered and explained it to him, he realised that whilst he loved the idea of you finding it hard to breathe around him, that maybe, just maybe it wasn’t actually a good thing.

 Tonight, was the night. You were determined. Tonight, was the night you would make Bo realise you are an independent and goddamn sexy adult who can take care of themselves.

He had been babying you all week. The pollen count in Ambrose currently was astronomical and setting off your asthma big time. You had been trying to get down and dirty, but every time you had felt your airways tightening and Bo had scrambled for your inhaler, before holding you and kissing your head. And he always refused sex after. You were pretty sure he thought that’s what was causing it at this point.

You dressed yourself in your tightest, most revealing clothes, adding a garter underneath for good luck. You felt sexy and powerful. You just hoped Vincent wasn’t chilling in the kitchen to see this. It had happened before and yes; it was embarrassing for everyone involved. Striding down the stairs you glance over to the kitchen table. Okay, phew. The coast is clear.

You’re thankful as you step into the street, that the air in Ambrose is always warm- come summer or winter. You hear the music coming from the garage before you see Bo come into view. He’s singing along, focused on the car engine in front of him. You lean against the garage door, watching him with that warm fuzzy feeling of love. You’re so thankful you found him.

He turns and jumps a little, before eyeing you up and down slowly- a devilish grin working its way onto his face.

“Well that is a nice view” he whistles, his eyes locking with yours, “what’s the occasion?”

“No occasion…just wanted to look nice for myself” you spin on the spot, giving him the full view.

“For yourself huh?”, he makes his way over to you, laying his hands on your hips and leaning in close to hum in your ear, “and could little old Bo get any of that, or are we strictly keeping this to ourselves?” he punctuates it, by pulling you close enough to feel his erection against your back.

You gasp audibly, “I guess I could share a little. Sharing is caring and all that”

His laughs rumbles, And he starts walking you towards the basement, gripping and grasping at you as he does.

By the time you reach the basement, you’re already moaning and can feel the growing arousal between your thighs. He manages to jostle the door open and picks you up, wrapping your legs round him to carry you over to the chair.

Bo, leans back and just studies you before going to town on your neck, nipping and sucking and groaning, “how the fuck did I get so lucky baby”.

You’re a mess before he’s even touched you down there, and struggling to form words, “Bo…uhh…oh my-YES”

His hands paw at your chest, kneading the flesh before moving south to cup you.

“Someone’s excited” he grins, but you can hear he’s nearly as breathless as you.

His fingers start to move down there and it’s little bits of electric. You’re panting and grabbing at his back,

“please please please”

He pulls his hand away and you groan in dismay. The sensation is quickly replaced, you squeak as he rips your bottoms off and kneels before you, putting his mouth on you and sucking hard.

You can feel yourself quickly approaching climax, but then it happens. Your throat tightens and you gasp inward, your breath not quite reaching your lungs.

Bo is immediately off you, “where’s your inhaler, where is it baby?”, he looks so worried, fuck. This is so unfair. You point over to your discarded bag and he rustles through it to find your saving grace. He tosses you the inhaler, and picks you up as you use your inhaler, placing you down in his lap.

You take breaths in, letting the medication sooth your airways until you can breathe again. All the time, Bo is muttering reassurances and sweeping you hair back from your face to kiss your eyelids.

“It’s okay baby, you’re all right. Don’t worry. We’ll get you to bed”

You can feel the angry tears threatening to spring from your eyes, “I don’t want to go to bed Bo. I am not a baby! I’m a fully grown adult and I want to fuck. Jesus!”

He stills, a little stunned, “You think I treat you like a baby?”, his tone is dark.

“Well…I…I just feel stupid.”

“Oh no, no, no. That’s fine. I can treat you different if you like”

Before you can respond he has you over his lap and his hand is coming down on your backside. You yelp in surprise, “B…Bo”

---GN ends, reader is person with vagina from here on out---

“Ah-ah, call me daddy babygirl”

You feel a shiver of delight pass through you, “yes daddy”, the groan that emits from Bo is unworldly.

He spanks you again, and you moan, squirming you legs together beneath him, “please daddy”

“Please, what?”

“Uhhhn, please touch me”

“Come sit on daddy’s knee”

You lift yourself, desperate to please him so he’d please you. You start to sit sideways across his knees, but he stops you and pulls you toward him so that you have a leg on either side of one of his knees.

Confused you start to question “what in the heck are you doing?” but before you can finish the sentence, he grinds his knee up into your core and ohhh…oh fuck, that feels good. Your legs clamp tightly around his leg, and you start to press down, “mmm. Please. Please daddy, that feels so good”.

He grinds his knee again and grabs your hips, pulling you down onto his thigh more. You don’t need more encouragement, you start moving your hips with him, mewling out his name and expletives. You leave a trail of your wetness along his leg, and fuck if that isn’t hot.

“Tell daddy how good it feels pet. Mm, you like that don’t you?”

“Daaaddy, it feels-mmmf-it feels so good.”

“Whose doing that to you?”

“Y…you are Bo. Oh my god. Oh my god. pleeeease”

Your face is flushed and your hair sticks to your forehead as you feel the mounting tightness in your stomach pooling down.

“Yeah I am baby. You gonna cum for me? Gonna make you cum just using my thigh huh?”

You try to respond but your orgasm tears through you, and you just wail in a mix of pleasure and slight pain. Your breath is short, but for a different reason this time. You’re still for a spell, trying to catch it again, and trying to decide if you’re still on this plane of existence. You realise that the whole time Bo is just staring at you, a big smile on his face.

“What?” you laugh.

“Nothing, just think I’ll have to stop treating you so precious huh? Kinda liked this side of you”

You pout, “I don’t mind you treating me a little like a baby. But only a little.”

He barks out a laugh, “Alright, alright. We’ll compromise. You can be my spoilt baby during the day”, he leans in close to your ear, his thighs movement against your slit making you jump, “but at night I’m treating you like this. You get an asthma attack, fine we’ll sort it. But I might have to punish you for making me worry”

You bite your lip, feeling a second wave of arousal hit you. Fuck, at this rate you’d be cumming a second time real soon. He catches the look in your eye, “Guess I better get to work on you again”