#i am so sorry they are making me feel things

[woniedarlin]

He listens while you yap

pairings: boyfriend! enhypen x reader | listener x yapper trope

caution: be prepared for their randomness (•‿•)

author's note: This is my first time trying something like this, and I thought, why not switch things up? If you enjoyed it and want more like this, just let me know! Happy reading!

permanent tag list: @sol3chu @chlorinecake @13tter @jung1w0n

HEESEUNG

You explained an article you found earlier and made an especially interesting point. “So, apparently, there’s this theory about how—wait, are you even listening?” you paused mid-sentence then glancing up at Heeseung.

He was just staring at you the entire time.

“Am I talking too much?” you asked, feeling embarrassed. Was he bored? You might have been talking for hours...well, you were.

“I’m sorry,” you added. Feeling guilty.

Heeseung tilted his head slightly. His lips formed a gentle smile that quickly made you feel comfortable. “No, not at all. I’m just listening,” he said gently. “You always have the most interesting things to say.”

You blinked. For a moment, you were caught off guard by his words.. “Really? Because I’m pretty sure I’m just rambling about random stuff half the time.”

He chuckled softly while shaking his head. “Not to me. You make even the most ordinary things sound extraordinary. Like you’re breathing life into them.”

“Come on, that’s a bit much,” you teased though you were shy with his words.

He shook his head slowly. “It’s not. You could talk about the lifespan of jellyfish, and I’d still want to hear every word.”

You laughed. “Seriously? Jellyfish?”

“Yup,” he said with a grin. Heeseung’s eyes crinkling at the corners. “I don’t think you realize how much I enjoy hearing you talk.”

You looked at him for a moment. Your laughter turned into a warmer feeling. “You always know how to make me feel special, right?”

Heeseung smiled more. “I’m just telling the truth. You’re the one who makes everything feel special.”

Your heart swelled at his words, and you couldn’t help but grin. “You’re too good at this, you know. No wonder everyone’s always talking about how sweet you are.”

He lightly shrugged. “Only for you.”

JAY

You plopped down next to Jay on the couch, “Last night, I dreamed I was a bottle of ketchup,” you said, not even glancing at him.

Jay didn’t even look up from what he was doing, though you knew he was listening. “Oh?”

“Yeah. And you were mustard. Which is weird because you’re usually mayonnaise in my dreams.” You said it matter-of-factly.

Jay glanced over at you and gave a small smile. Your boyfriend didn’t even question it anymore.

“Mhm. We were sitting on a picnic table, minding our own business,” you continued, staring blankly ahead. “Then this kid comes over, grabs you, and squeezes you all over a hot dog.”

“Of course,” Jay muttered, his smile still there.

“And then they grabbed me and put me on french fries,” you said, your voice now lighter. “But even though we were on different foods, we ended up on the same plate.”

Jay gave you a soft look. “Of course you did.”

“Yup. It’s like… no matter what, we always end up together,” you said nonchalantly. “Even if we’re on different things, we’ll always end up on the same plate.”

Jay didn’t react much, just looking at you with that same fond smile. “Ketchup and mustard, huh? That’s one way to put it.”

“Yep.” You nodded as if you were completely confident in the analogy. “It’s like fate, you know?”

Jay leaned back. “Fate. Of course. You’re the ketchup, and I’m the mustard.”

“Exactly,” you said, kicking your legs a little. “I mean, I’m obviously the star of the show, but you do make a good sidekick.”

Jay laughed quietly to himself, shaking his head. “You’re the star, hm?”

“Of course,” you said, completely unfazed, “but you still belong next to me.”

“Right,” Jay replied with a small, affectionate smile. “Next to you, always.”

And just like that, he continues to look at you with the same smile as you continue to talk, absolutely in love with you.

JAKE

You were pacing around the room, hands gesturing wildly as you went off about the movie you’d just watched. “And don’t even get me started on the plot twist—like, I saw it coming from a mile away! But, still, how could they—ugh, I can’t wrap my head around it!”

Jake sat on the couch with one arm stretched across the backrest. “Go on, tell me more,” he said, his voice smooth and teasing.

“Okay, but can we talk about that scene? The main character falls—of course—and she’s like, ‘Save yourself!’” You rolled your eyes dramatically. “Like, girl, what? Just get up! Run with your friend! Why are you making it so dramatic?”

“Mhm,” he hummed, clearly holding back a laugh.

You kept going, utterly oblivious to his gaze. “I mean, realistically, if I fall, I’m grabbing your arm and dragging you down with me. We’re both going down. There’s no ‘save yourself’ moment. You’re coming with me.”

Jake chuckled, shaking his head. “Good to know.”

“And the friend?” you continued, throwing your hands up. “She’s just standing there, like, ‘Noooo!’ for too long. Like, hello? Help her up and run!”

Jake leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You’d definitely survive in a movie.”

“Oh, absolutely,” you said, pointing at him. “I’m not wasting time with emotional goodbyes. We’re both making it out, or no one is.”

Jake grinned, his voice dropping just slightly. “So, you’d save me?”

You froze for a second before narrowing your eyes. “Obviously. I’d even ensure you didn’t trip in the first place.”

He laughed softly. “And here I was, thinking you’d be the one tripping on purpose just to get me to catch you.”

Your jaw dropped. “I would NOT!”

Jake smirked. “You totally would.”

“I’d be saving both of us!”

“You’re hot,”

You froze. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said.

Of course, he had to flirt.

You crossed your arms tighter, fighting back a smile. “Okay… what? That’s random. You’re distracting me.”

“That’s kind of my thing, isn’t it?” Jake grinned wider, tilting his head. “Admit it, baby.”

You shook your head with a sigh. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” But the way your heart fluttered at his words? You couldn’t deny it.

SUNGHOON

You paced around the room as you got lost in recounting the day. “And I visited my parents today! I missed them so much…it was the best.”

Finally, you stopped mid-stride and turned to face him, hands on your hips. “Okay, are you even listening? Or are you zoning out again?”

You have seen your boyfriend zoning out often, especially in the mornings. You wouldn’t be surprised if today were one of those days.

But he chuckled softly, wanting to assure you. “I’m listening. I always do.”

You tilted your head. “Even when I’m rambling about stuff that’s probably unimportant?”

“Especially then,” he said, his dimples appearing as his smile grew wider. “I like hearing you talk. It makes me happy.”

Your arms crossed, though you couldn’t fight the grin pulling at your lips. “You like when I yap on and on?”

“Not the yapping part,” Sunghoon teased. “It’s the way you’re so happy when you talk. You’re glowing, and I can’t look away.”

That made your cheeks heat up. “I’m just telling you about my day.”

“I know,” he said softly. “But you light up when you talk about the things you love. I could listen to you all day. It’s comforting.”

“Comforting?” you echoed, raising an eyebrow. Oh?

He nodded as his eyes began to soften. “Yeah. It’s like you’re letting me see a part of you no one else does.”

Your lips curved into a smile. “I never thought I’d be comforting while going on about my life.”

Sunghoon’s smile grew. “You’d be surprised.”

SUNOO

“…and I don’t even know why they didn’t just say that in the first place! Would it have been so hard? Honestly…” you trailed off, glancing at Sunoo, watching you with the softest smile.

You blinked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” he asked, his smile widening.

“Like you’re completely entertained by my nonsense.”

“Because I am,” Sunoo admitted without hesitation. “I love it when you yap.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Yap?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “You go off about the most random things, and I love it. It’s my favorite background noise.”

You playfully gasped. “Background noise? You’re saying I’m noise?” How dare he?!

“Sweet noise,” he corrected, grinning cheekily. “The kind I never want to tune out.”

You rolled your eyes, but there was no hiding the blush on your cheeks. “So you want me to keep going?”

Sunoo nodded eagerly. “Of course! Why do you think I never interrupt you?”

Tilting your head, suspicious. “What if I talk about like….I don’t know... talk about socks?”

He laughed softly. “You don’t realize how cute you are when you get all caught up in your little stories.”

You tried to fight the smile tugging at your lips but gave up quickly. “Fine. But you’re stuck with me talking forever.”

Sunoo’s eyes sparkled. “Lucky me.”

JUNGWON

You were sprawled on the carpet while Jungwon sat next to you, quietly listening with that ever-patient expression.

“…and I don’t get it! Why would you even bring a cat to a grocery store? What’s the cat gonna do? Pick out your produce?” You threw your hands up, exasperated. “Next thing you know, they’ll be pushing their pets in carts like it’s totally normal.”

Jungwon blinked at you. You can see his lips twitching.

You squinted. “You’re holding back a laugh, aren’t you?”

“No,” he said, lips pressed together tightly.

“Yes, you are!” You pointed at him accusingly. “You’re trying so hard not to laugh right now.”

He cracked. His shoulders shook as he let out a small giggle. But then it escalated. His hand flew to his stomach, and he was laughing so hard that he tipped backward.

“HAHAHAHAHA OH MY—AHHHH HA HA HA HA!”

You sat there, wide-eyed. “Is it that funny?”

He nodded, tears forming at the corners of his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. “It’s not even the story! It’s you! You’re so serious about the ridiculous things—AHHH HA HA AHH HAHA—I can’t!”

You crossed your arms, pouting. “I was making a valid point.”

“I know, I know!” Jungwon wheezed, wiping his eyes. “But you looked so offended! Like, personally attacked by the cat in the store.”

“Well, someone had to say it!”

Jungwon shook his head. “You’re too much.”

You huffed. “I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“Because you love me,” he teased, his laughter finally calming down.

You rolled your eyes but smiled despite yourself. “Maybe.”

“Definitely,” he said, still grinning. “Now, please. Keep going. I need another good laugh.”

NI-KI

You were going on about how your day went, and Ni-ki, leaning against the doorframe, watched you as he kept grinning. He wasn’t saying much but teasing you with every detail you mentioned. “Wow, you don’t stop talking, huh?” Ni-ki said with a smirk.

You raised an eyebrow. You do not want to back down. Especially to him. “I’m just sharing my day, okay? You don’t have to listen if it’s too much.”

“Oh, I’m listening,” Ni-ki said as he stepped forward. “I just didn’t know you had this much to say. You’ve been talking for hours, baby.”

You shot him a look, unfazed. “Oh, please. You know I talk plenty, just not to you.”

Ni-ki chuckled, pushing himself off the doorframe and walking over to you. “I think you talk to me more than you realize. You just don’t want to admit it.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms. “I don’t know about that.”

“Uh-huh. You’re giving me the full lecture today. You can’t hide it,” he teased. “And honestly, I’m enjoying it.”

You rolled your eyes, trying to act indifferent. “Of course you are; you love it when I talk.”

Ni-ki shrugged dramatically. “Guilty as charged. Your yapping is one of my favorite things. Keeps me entertained.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at how easily he could get under your skin, even with his teasing. “Well, I hope you’re ready for more because I’m not stopping anytime soon.”

“Bring it on,” Ni-ki said with a wink, clearly looking forward to hearing all of it.

[dirtylittlesecre7]

Oh my gosh— someone who writes for nam-gyu? Am I dreaming?! I CANNOT find any fics of him!! Need headcannons about him rn😩 I feel like that man would enjoy making you cry and upset, like he would grin and laugh while doing so. (Cough— Hatefuck—cough..) Just need headcannons about that man so bad😩🫣

This is actually my first time asking, so I really don't know what to say🥲 but I hope you consider this🫶🫶🫶

-🌟anon

warning | nsfw content

word count | 0,6k

a/n | thank you so much for your request luv! I hope I could write something as you wanted

！he's had mixed feelings from the moment he first saw you. hate? anger? like?

oh no, not like. he just hates you so much that he wants to fuck you until you know your place.

"fucking bitch."

"huh?" thanos looked at him incomprehensibly, about to turn his head to you, but nam-gyu quickly changed the subject "nothing."

！he's insanely jealous of thanos👀 even if you don't respond to his flirting, seeing a man next to you makes him angry enough. at least it gives him a reason to make you cry more.

！he should be the only one who annoys you. if he sees someone picking on you, he'll quickly intervene, at first he'll protect you from that person, but then...

"are you too stupid to not protect yourself? no. don't even think about crying." his emotionless voice makes you tremble as he watches you quickly wipe your tears away "good. don't you dare unless I make those tears flow."

！he likes to tease you until you cry because he thinks you look so beautiful with tears in your eyes. If you turn your head and try to hide your face from him, he will forcefully grab your chin and make you look at him with your eyes full of tears. you will see that he is trying to calm down by taking a deep breath because oh...you have no idea how horny he is.

！If he can't sleep at night, he will come to your bed and bother you. If he can't sleep, you can't sleep either. but strangely, talking at night is when you get along the most. guess you are both too tired to argue, but that doesn't mean he won't say a few things about you.

okay, now please hear me out..

！this man is completely clingy when he loves you, but he is also hard when he fucks you, I can't say he doesn't like slow sex, but when he can fuck you like crazy, he doesn't really think about the other option.

！I say clingy because he can never be comfortable if his hand is not on your body in some way. he has to touch you in some way so that he feels better. when you least expect it, you may find his hands on your waist pulling you closer to him "mm...look who's here?"

！If we talk about life outside of the game, you can become his only world. yes, he likes to make you cry and upset. but only you. the others have never caught his attention and they don't. he still thinks you have the most beautiful tears.

！I can't say he's very loud in bed. he'll mostly let out short gasps and short moans. he likes listening to you more, whine for him and he'll make you see stars.

！he likes to tease you and make you cum so much that you cry from sensitivity. when you beg him to stop, he just puckers his lower lip in a mocking tone.

"aw.. does it hurt? what should I do?" he leans into your ear while his fingers, which don't stop, hit the inside of your pussy hard while you just had your 3rd orgasm "Is that all you can take? c'mon.. you can give me more, hm? ah..yes don't hide your voice from me, fuck-"

！he'll run his hand over you while you're sleeping at night, sorry not sorry. when you open your eyes and notices how his fingers are expertly tangled in your wetness, he'll smirk and say "you awake? good. now you better spread your legs for me and be loud as possible."

he's obsessed with you in some way, romantic or not, and he has no plans to leave your side.

[summertimesadnessirl]

I'm not tired. Like... sleeping doesn't fix it. It makes it worse.

Avoiding physical activities doesn't make me feel better.

What I am is...

I just don't believe that there is any future situation where I will ever be allowed to choose a life for myself where I am happy, safe, comfortable, not constantly worried about money, not particularly under anyone's thumb, and not particularly inhibited by any artificial structures that exist to slow me down just to slow me down. I am pretty sure my choices are literally death or other people forcing me into stuff that makes me want to die all the time just to get my basic needs met until I die.

I keep attempting suicide and then being like fine in two days.

What I want is suicide since I'm not able to be useful enough to earn other people being respectful to me and a comfy little middle class life. I thought I had found a path to get those things but it took years to build it up and someone destroyed it and told all my friends to go to mad at you island in the hatred of a minute and then framed me for it and I'll never be able to prove they did that.

I never was going to be able to do like... anything and everything forever but if I can't have the lifestyle I had in 2019 and 2020 and that level of freedom of choice and agency over my own life and the ability to pay for support and medical care when I need it and yes, that percentage of disposable income to expenses and debt ratio, I want to die. I don't wanna be a billionaire. I think I could do their jobs. Everyone probably could do a lot of their jobs. I think the computer does a lot more of their jobs than we all think. But I'm sorry, I deserve a savings for emergencies and to be able to rely on being able to pay off the debts I take out easily and to be able to buy a bunch of stupid books and shoes just as much as anyone else and I don't care if that means I'm "in my ego" or I'm "delusional" or "entitled."

I deserve to get paid to interact with othe people, too, because they all make it so draining and annoying. And I deserve to dictate the terms of who I interact with and make the rules about them not being allowed to forget important things about me or be mean to me. Why not? It's not me having those things that would prevent other people from having them, it's some kind of insane mutant beast from an ayn rand novel

"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired

[carmenifold]

help two disabled trans women eat and pay rent! (again...!)

hey it's your favorite local broke girl again!! happy new year, and here's to another year of begging on the internet so you don't starve!!! (just kidding i am so fucking tired and i want that to stop! lol) in all seriousness i don't know how we would've made it through the past two years without your help. it's... very difficult to figure out how to move on when people you thought you could trust in a very vulnerable period of your life just kinda.. put the person you love most in mortal danger and ruin your life. we survived but...

fuck it this isnt a journal post sorry. probably the lack of meds making me just say shit. anyway i have what is hopefully (send me luck please) a really good shot at getting an actual job soon and then i could hopefully just!! stop doing this!! and get back to doing art and the things i love and working through my heaping commission backlog (ty so much for your patience im so sorry)

but for now, we still have zero income. please, i know i've asked every month for the past year and then some, but this is the only way we can keep what little hold we have on things for now. if you can, please consider donating to help us make rent (around $600) and get groceries. if you can't, please consider spreading this post anyway. that's the thing that gets us help.

PP / VM / CA

i feel like i ran out of ways to thank everyone who's helped out so far, but i'll just say it again because i still feel so so lucky and grateful to have support through this mess: Thank you. <3

[ozzgin]

You know what I love about your writing? The monsters love us so much! They are just weird, obsessed, awkward, and very horny, but it's ok, I am too! (very horny included)

I feel your writing as a big cuddle (but a careful cuddle, or someone will be happily poked, if you know what I mean *nudge nudge wink wink*) I just went AWWWWW at the last monster roommates. Poor babies. They just want to make you happy! That made me imagine a monster roommates cozy pile so we can all watch a movie ('yes, it's a human thing!' you tell them). You never felt such a tense atmosphere, a lot of hard cocks pressed against you, the monster roommates looking at you longingly as their cocks THROB, warm against you. They just want you to feel comfy, but now you're wet and there may be consequences HAHAHAHAHAH - weird, obsessed, awkward and very horny anon <3

NSFW content!

Monster roommates with a horndog Reader would probably lead to a lot of laundry and missed social events...

"I haven't seen you in weeks," your monstrous friend remarks with mild worry. "Are you alright?"

They eye your bed, an empty mattress devoid of any comfort. Your wardrobe is empty.

"Oh my God, is this how they keep you?"

"No, no," you rush to explain, awkwardly gesturing with your hands. "It's just...it's all in the laundry."

You hesitantly point to an enormous pile of drenched sheets and clothing. What could you possibly say, that there's several decadent railings happening per day? That you lost any feeling in your bottom for days now? You fan yourself, humiliated. Even worse, one of your roommates is peeking from the hallway with a visible boner.

"Sorry, I'm afraid I have to go. Duty calls."

[thatonesillyfrog]

Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to? I'm a therianthrope and a phytanthrope (aka greenkin, woodkin, or plantkin)!

What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any) Dingo, cougar, and resurrection fern are my highest kins, and some sort of avian (red hawk, I believe) as well as rodent (most likely an eastern gray squirrel) as well. Some of my headmasters have different ones.

Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)? I'm a contherian, so I always have a phantom tail, phantom legs, or phantom something else. I'm also often sensory shifted and sometimes on a weak mental shift. My weirdest cameo shift was either a snake or an airplane.

How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life? I am a kemonomimi (which is just a person who likes wearing animal ears and tails, and sometimes other similar accessories) and wear my gear in day to day life. I use my kemonomimi gear to express my nonhumanity and feel happier in my own skin. I do experience species dysphoria, especially around my phantom shifts, so this helps a lot.

What do you think of the community? Depends on the platform! Here, I love the amount of information and fun facts and the way that people really strive to be able to see themselves and be seen as how they identify. I also really love the TikTok therian community as a lot of it is just fun!

What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity? Wearing tails and ears and collars, quads are fun, laying in specific animalistic positions while doing something like eating or watching TV, etc. I also really like keeping my nails long. Specific kinds of movements are very affirming. I also love doing voice training for therian and transgender purposes. Makes vocals easier and more fun.

Are you experiencing species dysphoria? Yup. Pretty often. It doesn't often get super severe, but one of my headmastes recently shaved off every inch of hair on our entire body and it has not been fun being furless :/ It's also sad whenever somebody bumps into my tail and say sorry and I didn't feel it or notice it. Makes it feel disconnected.

What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened? Don't try and figure out anything right now! Take your time and let it come naturally. Nothing except a nonhuman identity is required to be alterhuman. You don't need gear, quads, or to be out. Finding community, though, is wonderful. Have fun with your identity, but also feel free to acknowledge the hard stuff. Just remember, it's not all bad. :)

Do you have/want to have gears? I do! I have multiple tails, all of which I've either made myself or (for the taxidermy tails) gotten at yard sales and I make ears on a regular basis. I love making collars as well. I have a buncha puppy stuffies that I consider my pups (in my past life as a dingo I was a mum) and I also have some jangly bracelets that bring me joy. I have a lot of animal themed knicknacks sitting about my room.

Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate) Trauma, neurodivergency, past lives, imprinting, and simple psychological differences. All of these are valid and (to me) fascinating theories about the origin of alterhumanity in general! For me personally, I think mine comes from trauma and past lives, as well as some neurodivergency.

Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions! @hyprfixed

If you are an alter/nonhuman, reblog and answer these questions!

(don't be afraid to write a lot, do what you want ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯)

1/ Which category of alterhumanity do you belong to?

2/ What/who is/are your type(s)? (if you have any)

3/ Do you experience shifts? If so, can you tell us your most common shifts and your strangest cameo shift (if you've ever had a cameo shift)?

4/ How do you experience your alterhumanity in everyday life?

5/ What do you think of the community?

6/ What are the things that make you most comfortable and euphoric in your alterhumanity?

7/ Are you experiencing species dysphoria?

8/ What advice would you like to say to a young alterhuman who has just awakened?

9/ Do you have/want to have gears?

10/ Do you know/have any theories about the origin of your alterhumanity? If so, tell us! (all beliefs are legitimate)

11/ Tag someone/a creature to answer these questions!ㅤᵕ̈

[writtenbykimiko]

jungwon has a habit of leaving his bags around your shared apartment after he comes home from practice. and he doesn't even realize that he drops his bag as soon as he walks through the door because of his intense exhaustion.

sometimes you don't notice his bags and trip over them. which pisses you off so much. but you try to keep giving jungwon chances because...well he's jungwon. (he's such a cutie patootie).

today, you woke up not in the mood. the sun was beaming on your face which caused you to wake up, jungwon not being beside you, the loud honks and beeps of the city life outside, the time being 7 in the morning (which made you upset, because you wanted to sleep in since you didn't have work), and you were starving.

you slowly get up with a obnoxious groan. you stumbled to the door of your shared bedroom. unfortunately, luck was not on your side this morning (obviously). you tripped over what seemed like jungwon's bag. now you're furious (oh shucks). you stand up slowly still a little drowsy. you kick the bag furiously as if it did something to you (sensitive much?).

walking down the hall to the living room searching for jungwon, you came across him watching a movie while sitting on the sofa looking like a little bean with a big dazzling smile on his face. (my descriptions are so weird lmao)

he analyzes your facial expression, and his smile dropped.

"you okay love?" jungwon said while pausing the movie he was watching.

"i am so done with you leaving your bags all over the place! its almost like a daily occurrence that i trip on your bags! can you stop being so careless and messy?!" you exclaimed while walking towards him and stopping in front of him.

jungwon was stunned. this was the first time you ever raised your voice at him. he was shocked but somehow finally took in the state you were in. you looked so cute with your messy hair and your adorable kitten pajama's. he wanted to be serious and talk it out with you, but the way you looked at that moment. he just wanted to smother you in kisses. (^ V ^)

"my love, i'm not trying to be rude but you just look so cute right now." he said while laughing

jungwon pulled you by the wrist gently, and you fall onto his lap. you out of habit make yourself comfortable on his lap. your legs resting on both sides of his thighs while he intertwines your hands together. he stares into your eyes with admiration. you stare back at him as your eyes soften.

one of your favorite things about jungwon was how you always got lost in his boba-like eyes. it was like a black hole that just sucks you in. you completely zone out forgetting what you were upset about.

you almost didn't realize he was leaning in to kiss your lips. before you can even snap yourself back into reality. his lips do it for you. you automatically kiss him back like it was muscle memory. you let go of his hands to put one of them on his shoulder and the other on the back of his neck.

welp now you're cooked buddy. because how the hell are you going to express your anger to jungwon when he has you literary wrapped around his finger. you already forgot what upset you, you'd rather not talk about it again after this passionate ass kiss. now you just want to cuddle. (damn, ain't no backing out now). after jungwon pulls back, he casually asks you with a little smirk.

"im sorry my love. i know you have told me multiple times to stop leaving my bags around. but i can't help it. after work, i just want to cuddle you and just be in your arms for the rest of my days. i don't try to do it on purpose. i'll do better, i pinky promise." jungwon wholeheartedly confessed.

well damn. what are you supposed to do now. you wanted to stand your ground and not give in (because you know how whipped you are). you wanted to at least be a little petty so you can prove your point, but we all know you don't have the balls to do so.

he's just a little guy who's exhausted from working hours on end. you understand the feeling of being so tired after work, you just want to rest and drop all the weight from your body onto the floor (so real).

you grinned while shamelessly looking at him. you regrated for how you acted towards him. jungwon being the sweetie pie he is, he almost immediately recognizes the regret in your eyes. he hugged you tightly expressing that it's okay. you hugged him back as your smile grew wider. you felt so much better after receiving jungwon's reassurance.

(why was i so fucking jolly writing this...i need to lock in and get a life.)

[so-i-did-this-thing]

im sorry this might not be the place to ask for advice/help but im doomscrolling about the news and the soon to be president and im seeing so much to be scared shitless about, invasions, removal of vaccines, cost of living increases, revoking of trans rights and how it might make it all the more impossible to get the surgeries i wanted... its just too fucking scary to breathe right now what do i do with myself

Hey, Anon. I'm here. A lot of us are here right with you.

It's scary, to be sure. And I'm not going to sugarcoat the possibilities of things going south very quickly. So, let's jump into some survival tactics.

This post on burnout is a great place to start. There is a lot of overlap with burnout and the anxiety you're feeling.

Allow yourself to slow down and unplug. You are allowed to step away from the news cycle -- events out of your control will unfold regardless.

Don't feel guilty by letting yourself relax. I find it especially helpful to do activities that don't involve the internet -- I've been decorating my house, mending broken crockery, and sketching some embroidery ideas. I try to take the time to get dressed and groomed every day, to remind myself that I matter. I spend more time outdoors.

As you find the ability to relax, you'll be able to focus better on the things you can do to be resilient. Things I have been doing to improve myself and make me a better helper:

Staying on top of my medical appointments and any preventive care I can do

Working to be physically healthier overall to mitigate future medical issues

Getting all my paperwork in order, including passports

Tweaking my financial budget

Researching what estate & family documentation needs to be done to protect my relationship in case my marriage gets dissolved

Brushing up on job skills, getting new certifications to stay competitively employable

Stocking up on my medical and general emergency supplies, especially for bad weather events

Getting in the habit of mindful purchases, curbing my habit of impulse shopping

Selling things I don't want or need anymore to have a little extra money and be able to move house easier, if need be

Building a habit of fixing/maintaining my possessions instead of trashing broken things

Canceling online subscriptions and quitting social networks that make me feel in danger

Getting my personal and any queer-related files out of the cloud and onto redundant solid state drives

Downloading / printing out queer resources and buying queer art that may be banned or monitored in the future

Enjoying physical media again and hunting for old favorites

Keeping in touch with queer friends and allies and making plans in case people (even myself) need to flee

Being visible when I can and knowing when it's best to lay low

Allowing myself the luxury to dig into things Old Me would have saved for "special" events -- aka, wearing the nice clothes and eating off the fine china as an everyday thing

Shutting the fuck up, especially online, when I think my words could be used against me

In a way, I am trying to simply become a better version of myself, one who is calm & self-sufficient, mindful about his actions, and available to help those in need. It sucks that the driving factor is fear, but I intend to use that fear as a catalyst to be stronger and survive.

There is a lot to be done, but there was always going to be work, new regime or not. But please, start with that burnout article so you can jump into your own plans with new hope and energy. ❤️

[iamhereforfunnzies]

Okay, so the longer you go blind, the more your other senses heighten. Humans have proven that they can develop echo location. Especially since humans already have a form of it in their every day lives.

Just one of the Bat Fam hearing clicks, only to find Reader making the noise to pin point where things are. But the second they turn the corner, Reader stops and turns their head towards the 'sibling' that suddenly came into their room.

"Why were you clicking so much?"

"Oh, it makes it easier to get around when there isn't anyone else to make sound. Usually, any amount of sound can help me locate what's around me."

"Like... a bat?"

"I guess? It's not new. Lot of blind people can do it to some extent."

-

On another note, I feel like Tim would be the least likely to treat Reader as a baby when his attention is on them. He literally trained to fight blind. So did Bruce. But for Bruce, he hasn't had to use that skill in so long, and it was a small part of his training. Tim frequently makes use of his skill in some way, even if he can see, using it as a way to dodge or attack behind himself.

Maybe this leads to Tim getting Alfred to recommend blind self defense training and some martial arts training. After he gets back from his own blind training for Robin. And then just forgets about Reader.

But this leads Reader to actually favoring Tim a bit more, cause he doesn't treat them like an idiot or an invalid. He also made sure Reader has a form of training.

Maybe, when he starts becoming Yandere, he invites Reader to the training mats to help him keep his blind fighting up and teach her more.

Heck, we can even continue on this line. Reader walking with a friend in Gotham, and a mugger to try to grab the blind person. Damian, as Robin on patrol with his siblings, tries to intervene before the 'weak' sibling gets hurt. Only to watch the mugger get bodily tossed, or their feet swept out from under themselves.

And Tim isn't surprised.

OH MY GOD I AM SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER TO ANSWER😭😭

Yeah , when you treat a child like an adult it will imitate you. Many actually confused children's accent for not knowing how to pronounce words because of lack of knowledge (still a key factor) but it's actually them imitating the baby talk they hear.

Tim would be the type who shows you how to fish instead of giving you fish. I feel like in some sweet way he used to read to you not fairytales but hardknock books be it from science to history. Reader would slightly have better manners with Tim then anyone else because even with their relationship strained she is happy with the memories.

The exact scene Tim will become yandere would actually seeing you do the stuff he taught you doing alone , like slight training in your room , reading alone in braille (it looked low quality since finding braille books are difficult to find) he didn't know what you were reading , he felt bad , so he secretly started learning braille to make books for you and making sure they are the highest quality paper and making sure it's the best of the best translation by going to professionals and staying up to make the cover textures you like. He does ask you about your constant clicking and tapping of foot and gets you so many clicky pens.

Damian , unconsciously followed you walking home and was upset you walking around the street without a cane (he was jealous of your friend holding your hand for guidance) , a rush blurree was about robbed you blind but your insticts bodied him so hard in the cement floor that your friend was the one screaming. Damian was stilled shock and waited for you and your friend to leave to check on the man , kicking the robber's leg and checking his heart (he's alive but paralyzed) he is Honestly excited , HIS OLDER SIBLING CAN FIGHT! Though still amateur move , THEY CAN STILL FIGHT.

In Damian's mind fighting and playing is practically the same.

[enwoso]

WHAT WAS & WHAT IS | alessia russo x child!reader x leah williamson

based on a request but i for some reason haven’t linked it on here, sorry..

anyways don’t try and flirt with leah’s girl x

grumpy universe masterlist

alessia was humming to herself as she tidied up the kitchen, the morning had been peaceful and her day was falling into an easy rhythm. alessia had dropped you off at school this morning and since had, had a real bounce in her step.

leah was around after stopping by when alessia had gotten home from the school run, the blonde had made herself comfy in the living room for now, after alessia had shooed her away for distracting alessia as she was working.

so far things felt steady — comfortable.

a sudden knock on the door broke her from her thoughts. frowning alessia glanced at the clock, she wasn't expecting anyone and she didn't think she was expecting a delivery.

wiping her hands on a towel quickly, so she could head towards the door. but leah called out she would get it.

hearing the door open and leah's voice, alessia went back to her original task — folding washing.

"hey, can i help you?" leah's voice was sharp and defensive in a way alessia had rarely heard.

"h-hi. uh..." a familiar voice faltered, hearing the confused tone of leah's voice alessia made her way towards the front door.

harrison was stood in front of leah, a bouquet of flowers in his hand all pretty colours and different types of flowers. but instead of the easy and confident grin he usually wore, his expression was tense and bordering on confused.

his gaze kept flickering from leah and the house number plated on the side of the wall near the door, wondering whether he'd accidentally knocked on the wrong door. even though he was definitely sure this was alessia's house as her car was on the drive.

"is.. is alessia here?" he finally stammered, his eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to make sense of the situation.

leah stood frozen in the doorway, her tall frame and sharp demeanor giving her an almost intimidating presence. the blonde glancing over her shoulder feeling the presence of alessia behind her.

leah's brow rising as if to say, 'what the hell is this?'

"harrison," alessia asked quirking, stepping beside leah who still had an unimpressed look on her face, "what are you doing here, i thought we agreed we were meeting at half two before lovie finishes school?"

his eyes lit up briefly at the sight of her, though they flickered back to leah with a mix of wariness and confusion, "yeah we're still- um good for that, i just, uh i brought you these," he said, holding out the flowers.

"for me?" alessia's voice was soft but edged with surprise.

"yeah, i seen them and i was passing and thought..." harrison trailed off, his face darting back to leah who hadn't moved, nor had her stone cold face.

leah finally broke her silence, tilting her head slightly, "you're harrison?" it wasn't a question. it was a statement delivered in a tone that made harrison shift slightly on his feet.

"i am." he said, his voice low. leah’s lips pressed into a thin line, her arms crossing of her chest as she held her stance solid and protective.

alessia sighed, sensing the tension in the air thickening, "le," alessia said softly, touching her arm, "it's okay."

leah's eyes never left harrison her jaw tightening with each letter that passed, "okay?" she echoed. "he shows up with flowers unannounced? for you?"

harrison took a small step back, clearing his throat, "i uh, didn't meant to interrupt anything, i just.."

"leah" alessia said again, more firmly this time, "it's fine, harrison's just being.. nice." she turns to harrison her tone shifting to something polite but still distant, knowing choosing the wrong type of word would have consequences on both parties.

"thank you for these, but you didn't need to"

harrison nodded, his expression faltering slightly as he glanced between the two women, "right, yeah sorry i didn't mean to.."

leah raised an eyebrow, "didn't mean what?"

"leah, stop that" alessia stepped in front of her slightly her voice filled with a mix of exasperation and affection. "it's fine, really. harrison is just trying to.. build trust." she shot him a pointed look, silently warning him to stay in his lane. "he's lovie's dad, that's all this is."

harrison quickly nodded, clutching the flowers awkwardly, "yeah, exactly."

leah's gaze lingered on him for another moment, scrutinising before she finally stepped aside, "right." she said her tone icy but controlled.

alessia reached out to take the flowers, giving harrison a small, polite smile. "thank you," she said before adding, "but next time, maybe text me first, okay?"

"sure," harrison mumbled, his shoulders slumping.

"i'll see you at the coffee place at half two yeah?" alessia asked more confirming the plans knowing that you were excited at the fact you dad was coming with your mummy for the first time to pick you up from school, the blonde hoping he wasn't going to let you down.

harrison nodded, before mumbling a 'i'll be there' with a small smile as he gave leah one last uneasy glance before turning and walking back to his car.

leah shut the door with a firm cluck, spinning around to face alessia, "what was that?"

alessia chuckled softly, setting the flowers down on the kitchen counter, "that was harrison, overstepping. as usual."

"overstepping?" leah echoed as she crossed her arms again leaned against the kitchen counter on the other side of alessia, "he showed up like he's auditioning for the notebook-"

"he's not auditioning for anything," alessia said gently facing and stepping closer to leah, "he's just.. trying. for lovie's sake, that's it" 

leah's eyes softened slightly at the mention of you but her lips still pursed, "and for your sake?"

alessia reached up as she leaned into the blonde in front of her as she rested a hand on leah's cheek, "i only want you, harrison can bring flowers, coffee or a while marching band if he wants. but it won't change a thing."

leah relaxed at her words, exhaling deeply as alessia planted a slow kiss to her lips, "okay" she murmured.

"okay?" alessia teased her tone lighter and teasing smile on her lips as her hands rested on the blondes face.

"okay, but don't expect those flowers to be still alive when you come back" leah smirked as alessia rolled her eyes playfully at the girls' antics, "and it still keeping an eye on him."

"you do that love" alessia said with a laugh, pulling her into a hug.

—

later on the same day, once leah had let go of the blonde after insisting she was never letting her go. but after a small reminder from alessia that she did in fact have a four year old daughter she did have to collect from school, leah let the blonde go not before peppering the girls' face with kisses.

alessia making it to the cafe, a little later which she would just blame on the traffic even though the roads for once were fairly quiet considering it was london.

the cafe was want and inviting, the smell of roasted coffee beans filling the air as alessia and harrison settled into their usual booth near the window.

alessia holding her latte between her hands, the ceramic mug radiating heat as she stared at the frothy surface.

harrison fidgeting without even realising he was doing it a habit he had, had since their college days as he rambled on about some marketing strategy he was working on at work — alessia admittedly not really listening.

"look, haz before we talk about anything else" alessia began, cutting harrison off as his head tilted at the sound of the nickname he hadn't heard in a while, the blonde not even realising she had let it slip as she carried on talking. but he noticed.

the blondes voice soft as harrison had completely forgotten what he had even been talking about, "i just wanna say i'm sorry for before. leah can be.. uh intense but she's really a big softie once you get to know her"

harrison let out a small, humourless laugh, finally looking at her, "yeah she is a little intimidating"

alessia winced, "she's just protective," she said quickly, "it's not that she doesn't trust me but she's had.. experiences. people haven't always treated her well and i think you showing up like that just put her on edge a bit"

he raised an eyebrow, confused. clearly not getting the hint, "because i brought flowers?"

she gave him a pointed look, "come on, harrison. you didn't just bring flowers — you showed up unannounced with a big bouquet of flowers and that look you get when you're trying to.." she trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence

"trying to what?" he pressed, though the tone of his voice made it clear he already knew.

alessia sighed, setting her mug down. "harrison, leah doesn't know you like i do. she doesn't know your history or your intentions. all she saw my ex standing on my doorstep with flowers and.. yeah, she got the wrong idea."

"but was it the wrong idea?" he asked softly, his gaze steady. alessia having already lifted her cup to her lips as her eyes widened at his words.

she blinked, as her head tilted to one side the blonde caught of guard. "harrison."

"i mean, maybe she has a point," he continued, leaning back in the booth, again clearly not getting the hint, "i brought the flowers because i wanted.. i don't know. start over? show you i'm serious about being in your life again, not just as y/n's dad."

alessia's chest tightened but she kept her tone calm. "i appreciate the effort, i do but harrison i need you to understand something."

he leaned forward slightly, his hands still on the table. "i'm listening."

taking a deep breath, choosing her words carefully, "those times we had in college — they were good even when the bad was bad and times were a little messy and they are part of our story and i wouldn't change that. but we can't go back to that harrison. we aren't those people anymore."

he stared at her, his expression unreadable, "so what your saying is you've moved on." he said finally.

"i have" alessia nodded, her eyes meeting his, "with leah."

harrison's gaze dropped to the table, his shoulders slumping. "i-i didn't mean to complicate things for you, i just.. i don't know. i though maybe we could try again. for y/n if nothing else."

"i get that," alessia said gently, "but that's not what lovie needs. she doesn't need us to pretend to be something we're not, plus she's a smart little girl she'd clock straight away. what she needs is two parents who love her and respect each other. that's how we're going to do right by her."

he nodded slowly, his hands curling into loose fists. "you're right, i don't know what i was thinking" he let out a quiet laugh a one filled with regret. "i'm happy for you, less. really and i'll forever owe you for letting me be in my daughters life."

"damn right you do" alessia joked, but deep down she was really joking as a small smile tugging at her lips.

harrison chuckled, shaking his head, "she's lucky to have you, both of you. really"

alessia softened, reaching across the table to touch his hand briefly, "thanks harrison and i mean it - your doing great. lovie loves spending time with you and i’m glad we can be in a good place and put aside the past for her.

harrison smiled faintly, nodding again, "me too."

as they finished their coffee and prepared to pick up lovie, alessia felt a sense of peace. she had said what needed to be said and though harrison's feelings lingered. there was an understanding between them now.

—

alessia padded down the stairs, running a hand though her hair as she entered the living room. "well that didn't take long," she said with a chuckle, glancing towards leah who was sprawled across the couch her eyes just open as she scrolled tiredly on her phone.

"i might have to ask the school what they do all day to tire her out like that" alessia joked, the excitement of the day had really gone and worn you out, from the excitement of your mum and dad picking you up to then getting home and leah being there.

it had to of been a record of how quickly it took for you to get to sleep, your head basically hit the pillow and you were asleep.

leah only hummed in response, her eyes focused on the small screen in front of her eyes, the tv playing as white noise for her. "probably running around like a little whirlwind" she murmured absently.

"more than likely" alessia said, plopping down next to her as she leaned back with a content sigh as leah rested her legs on top alessia's lap.

there was a bear of silence before leah finally glanced up, setting her phone down on her chest. "so.. how was coffee with harrison" her voice was casual but there was a hint of something underneath as she asked.

alessia stilled for a moment, caught off guard by the question, "it was.. nice" she said carefully, avoiding leah's gaze as she reached for the throw blanket draped over the couch.

she didn't have to look to feel leah's eyes in her. so when alessia finally glanced over, leah's expression had shifted. her jaw was tight and her brows slightly furrowed as her lips were pressed into a thin line.

alessia sighed, setting the blanket aside, "le.." she said her tone soft but firm, "seriously? your not still hung up on this whole harrison thing are you?"

leah shrugged, sinking a little deeper into the couch, "i'm just saying.. it's weird right? he's popping up with flowers one day, coffee the next. what's his deal?"

alessia leaned closer, resting a hand on leah's hip. "his deal is that he's lovie's dad and he's trying to be better about being present in her life. that's it."

leah's eyes flicked up to meet hers, "that's not all, though is it? you said yourself he's overstepping and i mean — come on less, he's obviously still has feelings for you."

alessia sighed, shifting so she was fully facing leah as she propped herself up on her elbows, "okay look, yes harrison has some.. unresolved feelings but i told him we aren't ever, ever getting back together"

leah's brow lifted slightly, "you did?"

"i did," alessia said firmly, "over coffee before we picked lovie up. i told him that those days are done and i made it very clear that i'm with you."

leah's shoulders slumped slightly, though her expression remained guarded, "and how’d he take that."

"honestly, better than i expected him to," alessia admitted, "he apologised and said he was happy for me" she paused studying leah's face." "but this isn't about him is it, it's about us."

leah let out a sigh, her eyes darting away from alessia's to look further than the pretty blonde laying basically on top of her, "i just don't want to lose you less," she admitted softly, "i've seen too many people get pulled back into their pasts and i.. i don't know it scares me."

"hey.. hey, look at me" alessia said gently moving to so that she was able to touch leah's face and move it so her eyes could look at her before cupping leah's face with both hands. "your not losing me. and i’m not going anywhere. harrison is part of my past but you're my present, and my future."

leah hesitated a moment, her blue eyes searching for alessia's face for a long minute, "you sure about that?"

"very sure," alessia said without missing a beat, leaning in to press a soft kiss to leah's lips as she moved to straddle the girls' hips, leah's hands immediately going to alessia's waist and a little further as the kiss deepened.

"it's you le, always you. no one else even come close" alessia whispered against leah's lips as she exhaled slowly. her body relaxing as she felt her lips meet alessia's again. this lip longer and a little more sloppier as small hushed whines stumbled from their lips.

as they pulled apart, leah's lips curled into a small and reluctant smile, "you really know how to make a girl feel better, huh?" leah teased lightly.

alessia grinned as the two cosied up together on the couch, alessia wrapping her arms arong leah and pulling her close, "i've been told it's one of my many talents !"

"is that so? what are these other talents you have?"

"wouldn't you like to know babe!"

[miange1]

I NEED MORE BRIAN MOSER AHHHH

Brian Moser, with a lover that's "too sweet"

male leaning reader, brian is a freak, being nervous more than shy, arguments, accidental guilt tripping, manipulation(at first), reader gives off innocence but they're not they're just a virgin, fake names, being overly touchy, blow jobs

note: had an idea so i just used this ask as an excuse to finally post it. also if you notice typos no you don't im not fixing them

— You were his first actual relationship in which didn't involve murder or trying to get closer to Dexter. Or so he remembers, he probably had that intention at first yet completely forgot about it due to his own feelings.

— Meeting you felt like a bunch of perfumes and flowers were thrown at his face— you were smiling and speaking with him like he was your long lost friend or your boyfriend, like you knew him since forever.

"Oh! Rudy!" He instantly felt his heart speed up, feeling more nervous than he's ever been in his entire life and you weren't even calling out his real name. He needs to calm down, seriously he's sweating way too much.

"I missed you so much, how have you been?" He felt your arms wrap around him tightly, yet ater the hug your hands took his and held them as if they were the most delicate things in the world, besides you.

The man could barely get his words out, stuttering every now and then and looking away from you often. Your thumb was swiping softly over the top of his knuckles, why were you looking at him like that.

— Getting with you was the most romantic thing he has ever thought of. Taking you out to a place where it was peaceful yet beautiful, and he could confess to you and actually mean it.

— It was the best place he could find, it was hot but lovely. When he confessed, you stayed quiet for far too long and he thought you didn't want him. You were just in so much shock, it's been a bit since someone was this genuine to you.

— Floating on air is what he felt like each time he was with you. When you were able to visit his work, you showed him with kisses each and every single time even after arguments which was something he would have a heavy weight on his shoulders about.

"Debra doesn't at all have a thing for me, what the hell are you talking about!" You were blinking back heavy tears trying to see his side as best as you could, yet everything just went a bit too far. From understanding to a plain bicker.

"It's obvious she does, and she's in your office more than I am!" He rolled his eyes, his fingers on his nose and pinching the bridge. He knew Debra had a thing for him, but what he didn't know was why he lied seeing you fight for him like this. He liked seeing you get jealous.

"Because it's her job." Yet you protested, "I understand that but.." you couldn't get the rest out, starting to cry and you instantly felt embarrassed. "Sorry— shit, I'm sorry.." His upset look rested, sighing as he went closer to you for an embrace.

"No, it's my fault." He admitted, his arms squeezing your frame in a comforting manner as you cried into his chest.

He was so turned on right now.

— Brian had a bunch in which you were a virgin, he just would have never guess he was actually right about it.

— All he wanted was a small make out for a bit, yet it had escalated and you were on your knees. God, you looked so pretty.

"Ah, ah, your teeth.. Good..that's it." He leaned his head back, the warmth of your mouth and tongue working at his girth. For your first time even giving head you were real good at following his directions. You did it just how he liked it. Tongue swirling, spit mixing with what leaked from him, it was heaven.

He jutted his hips forward a bit, catching you by surprise and giving you the urge to wanna pull back, which didn't happen due to Brian's fingers tangling in your hair— and pushing your head back forward. "Doing so well, fuck.." you practically weren't evenoving anymore, and if you were you had just been going ragdoll and moving along with Brian's pulls.

His dick twitched in your mouth as he heard a gargled moan, fuck he was gonna cum just from hearing that alone. Then he'd hear you whine, almost impatiently. "Hush you're fine, just keep on— God, yes.." eyes rolling back, feeling your nose poke at his pelvis the deeper he pushed you down when he came. Letting go of your hair, he let your head fall back a bit before he forced your mouth closed.

"Swallow."

— Sooner or later he would then wonder why you were a virgin in the first place, yet you did date people for long periods of time.

"I don't know, when I asked after break up they said they just couldn't."

— He got the hint for himself.

[starfruitii]

cws & notes. reader is kind of insecure. akaashi keiji x gn!reader. established relationship. slight angst. 600+ words. idk where this came from but enjoy?

“Do you think you’ll get sick of me, one day?”

You regret the words as soon as they leave your lips. In your head, it sounded like a perfectly sound question, but with the way Keiji is looking at you, it’s clear he doesn’t agree. 

“I beg your pardon, dear?” His voice is painfully soft, brows furrowing in concern as he places his book down on the coffee table. Under his gentle gaze, you feel stripped bare, exposed in all your insecurity. You should have swallowed the question down, as sharp as it felt in your throat, anything to avoid the way he’s staring at you now.

“Nevermind,” You say quickly, snatching the TV remote from the table, and busying yourself with choosing a show. The screen flicks between channels, flashing brightly coloured lights across your faces. “That was a dumb question. I’m sorry, just forget it.”

“My love,” Keiji reached out a hand, lightly brushing the side of your face. With a gentle, but firm grip, he grasped your chin and tilted your head to the side to face him. “[Name]. Why are you asking me that?” 

“No reason. Don’t worry about it.” You try to laugh it off, but you can only choke out a quiet sob. Somehow, somewhere between asking the question and now, your eyes started burning, glazing over with unshed tears.

Damn. He’s looking even more concerned now. Why couldn’t you have just kept it to yourself, tucking those doubts far into the dusty corners of your head, where his ears would never reach them?

“Hey,” Keiji brushed his thumb under your eyes, wiping away a stray tear that falls. “You’re getting me worried now. Are you okay? What happened?”

There was a long pause, and something inside you cracks. You let out a sniffle, then a gasp, then the last piece of your self-control breaks, in a mess of tears and snot. Keiji’s face crumples, and he tugs you forward into his chest, rubbing your back soothingly as you continue to cry. 

“Did I do something?” He presses. “Am I not treating you the way you want to be treated? I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, but please tell me what I did–”

“No!” You quickly say, regaining your composure slightly. He’s never done anything, never hurt you, intentionally, or unintentionally, never said the wrong words, never made you feel unloved. That was the problem. Because nothing gold shines forever, and every good thing comes to an end. You were just waiting for the end, the moment he decides he is done with your self-consciousness, your bad habits, your looks. 

There is always a reason for someone to leave; you’ve learnt that the hard way. 

“I-I don’t know,” You mumble, tracing your nail against the couch. “I just–I guess, most people do. Get sick of me, that is. And I d-don’t wanna lose you too.”

Keiji was silent for a moment, and for a moment you worry that you've ruined things. The thought lingers in your mind for only a second, because a second later there are half-a-dozen kisses being pressed to the top of your head.

“I love you,” Keiji whispers between each peck. “I love you, so, so much. I love you, and I love you, and I will say it as many times as it takes you to believe it.”

The feeling of his breath tickles your skin, making you laugh weakly.

“I'm never going to get sick of you,” He continues. “I adore you, and every part of you. No matter what happens, I'm never leaving. Okay?”

“Okay,” you whisper back.

Keiji kisses your cheek. “Good. Now, why don't you put on a movie for us to watch?”

[doberbutts]

hello! I'm the one that sent you that ask a week or so ago. Sorry I didn't check to see if you'd answered for a while because I was just so upset and had to take a second. I will say I scrolled through a bunch of helpful posts you reblogged before I even found the ask again that helped a LOT.

Two things I thought you might want to know is that it wasn't speculation that you'd blocked the weirdo blog that sent me your way: they literally have "proudly blocked by doberbutts" in their bio which was why i felt safe coming to you lmao. Second is I guess my struggle with this issue was an overall struggle with how bad wider misogyny has gotten in general and how muddied it's gotten with the "male loneliness crisis" and like, centering men's issues under patriarchy and just how insanely upset it's been making me. Seeing cis MRAs identify with trans men freaked me out because like, yeah it's important to talk about how (cis) men suffer under patriarchy but it's just so rare for me to find men do that without devolving into misogyny, and I start to feel so helpless because I know validating these issues matter but women are being literally dehumanized openly. I do play oppression olympics with this specific issue and just of COURSE women suffer more under patriarchy, but the same men who demand space to air how they suffer won't acknowledge that truth. (sorry for soapboxing; some of them do! It's just...things are so bad for women rn lol it's really hard to have compassion when it feels like none is being given to me).

So the more I see this issue the more I think people are being affected by larger misogyny like I am, but are doing the typical thing that happens where you lash out at a group you can "reach." Policing and harassing trans men's behaviours is way easier than cis men. I've also been seeing some parallels between this discourse and the "gay men vs lesbian women" discourse. It's not really a one-to-one but the discussion of the role of misogyny re homophobia towards gay men who still have male privilege but, come on, if they have feminine affectation it's Different and the back and forth that used to happen when gay men and lesbian women did oppression olympics, it just feels similar.

idk as i type this I hope I don't come across disingenuous or like, my Too Casual Overly Respectful tone is trying to subtly incept you. I worry my vibes are too "women first" but I just can't help it misogyny really is ruining my life 😭. Anyways I'm very grateful for your perspective and your blog. I feel more settled and equipped to push back against anti transmasculine behaviour with rhetoric that can actually challenge people

To respond to each point in turn:

1: Again I still don't really know who that is, though I am somewhat bemused by the idea that someone I clearly don't really remember is still so obsessed with me that they're proud I've blocked them. For the record, my block list is as follows: people who send anonymous hate, people who continue to harass me after I've told them to stop, people I catch with posts containing inexcusable bigotry, obvious trolls, self-identified zoophiles and MAPs, and people who repeatedly send me fundraisers after I have already said I only share fundraisers from people I know and trust. Being on my block list is, um, not really good company, so it's kind of funny to me that someone is proud to be there. Yeah I'm sure they'll fit right in with the neo-nazis and dogfuckers and cyber bullies. Oh and I guess my ex but I only blocked them after they started harassing me about our failed relationship years later. Enjoy block hell I suppose.

2: I'm not really here to play who has it worse, not because I don't recognize the wider understanding of privilege vs oppression but because I think it is a self-defeating thread of thought because you will always find a "more oppressed" example, and I think that people should be allowed to talk about their hurts regardless of their status of "more oppressed" vs "less oppressed". Talking about the ways society has hurt them is not what makes MRAs dangerous. What makes them dangerous is who they blame, how they go about fixing their problem, and the solutions to their problems they come up with.

To be quite frank, the majority of MRAs are men who have experienced some form of social rejection or isolation. Most have been sold some patriarchal lie about how by being men they inherently deserve good sex with hot women on demand, a wife at home to keep barefoot and pregnant, a high paying job where they are respected and valued regardless of the effort they themselves put into it, and all the luxuries that lifestyle can afford. This is a fantasy, you and I both know it. And when these men realize the hard reality that we live in an age of extreme social isolation, that in order to have a partner you need to actually have more personality than a used dishrag and with only half the mess at max, that good sex is about give and take and not just yourself, that these high paying jobs are few and far between with most takers being born into some level of wealth rather than any merit they themselves have earned... they lash out.

It does not at all help things to understand that many of these MRAs are themselves marginalized in some way, but their framework not only doesn't let them see it but also advocates a harsh rejection of anyone who is self-aware enough to realize it. A lot of these guys are undiagnosed, have trauma, and are just as affected by the systems of racism, classism, homo- and trans-phobia, xenophobia, sexism, and ableism as the rest of us.

Quite frankly, I'd rather these dudes see a group of (trans) men fighting for our place in society by joining hands with other activists with more feminist, black-friendly, disabled-friendly, gay- and trans-friendly in an attempt to lift everyone out of the pit rather than continuing to fight over scraps... than to see them continue to blame women and Jews and then go shoot up a school or a mall about it. One of these helps. The other just kills people and excuses rape. There's a lot of value in deradicalizing people by offering them a path to resolving their pain that is perhaps less destructive and more constructive.

This is also why the constant comparison to MRAs annoys me. MRAs kill people in senseless acts of terror and despair because they're upset that they're not having the sex fantasy the patriarchy sold them. Trans men talking about our oppression- regardless of the word we use to express it- are mostly talking amongst ourselves about suicide and rape statistics and sharing ways to get hormones and surgery despite unwilling doctors and insurance companies. We're talking about how our social groups rejected us the moment we came out, or how people use us being men against us in ways that was not happening before we came out or passed. These are not at all equivalent conversations.

3: Again I ask you- I see people using both cis and trans feminist frameworks to hurt other people. Where is your concern for that? I am equally concerned about TERFs as I am about MRAs, as they have driven multiple transgender people and our allies to suicide and even have committed acts of violence against people irl as a result of their ideology. Most TERFs will also be the first ones to tell you that they have been hurt, deeply, by men and that they also are frequently undiagnosed or untreated, traumatized, and affected by the same systems of oppression. Does their existence and their determination to latch onto every feminist conversation including those of people who are staunchly against them then poison all feminism to you? If not, then why make that distinction for trans men and MRAs?

I am black. I am Indigenous. I am transgender. I am gay. I am disabled. I am poor. I suffer. People hurt me. I see every day how bad things are. Do you think I cannot see it, or that my ignorance is the reason for my request for compassion? Perhaps consider that it is rather my knowledge and my lived experience that fuel my call for compassion, instead. I never said it would be easy. But I do think it would make a better world.

4: I do actually agree that it is very similar to the gay man vs lesbian conversation and have said for a while that it's the same queer infighting discussion we've already hashed out for the last 50 or so years, but the target groups just swapped out. It's just butchphobia, it's just biphobia, it's just aphobia, it's just panphobia, it's just nbphobia- it's the same fucking shit over and over and over again. It was shit infighting before and it's shit infighting now. Privilege is a conversation that depends so heavily on context, and the way it has been bastardized by the internet's poor understanding of political frameworks developed by women of color and their allies into cute soundbites and phrases rather than a deep, nuanced knowledge will never fail to annoy me.

Do gay men have privilege over lesbians? As a class, sure, they would have male privilege. But what do we mean by male privilege? The privilege to not worry about being assaulted on the street? To walk home late at night unbothered? To marry who they want, to have the romantic partner they desire, to feel safe within a domestic partnership? You and I both know that doesn't quite match up to the lived experience of gay men worldwide or even here in the "gay paradise" US. How does this interact with other marginalizations? Does a black gay man have privilege over a white lesbian? What happens if he's a drag queen dressed up for an event and she's a butch that passes for cis male? Does that change retroactively if this "gay man" figures out she's actually a transbian 5 years later, and the lesbian is a TERF? I'm not saying this breaks the framework of male privilege- I am saying that sometimes the theory doesn't match the reality, and a nuanced and intersectional understanding is required when talking on an individual scope rather than class politics.

Additionally- as a side note- it is also incredibly annoying to watch people act like privilege = oppressor = dangerous, and oppressed = victim = safe. Privilege, and whether or not you have any, is not a moral indicator nor is it an indicator of the safety of the person you're interacting with. I have privilege over people who cannot walk, because I can. I am not objectively or systemically oppressing people who cannot walk by the use of my legs in my day-to-day life. Oppression is action- if I vote for policies and politicians that removes ramps and safety regulations and provisions to assist wheelchair users? Now I am oppressing people who cannot walk. If I block or move or interfere with the disability aids, if I mock people or assault or harm them, if I dump them out of their mobility aids or break them, that is oppression. The act of climbing the 3 stairs on my front porch to get into my house is a privilege, but the oppression stems from the people who built my house to even have stairs on both exits.

5: lastly to end a very long post, I don't actually think there's any harm in centering yourself when discussing things that objectively affect you, as long as you remember to include others who are affected and let them have their floor to also center themselves when they need to speak up. I am a black trans man. My politics are pretty centered on black feminism. I don't think that is objectively a bad thing. I prefer to let the demographics with similar problems speak for themselves- I would rather my trans fem friends get the mic when they open their mouths, my lesbian friends, my Jewish friends, my latino and asian and arab friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with them centering their own problems and outlooks, as long as they recognize that there's shared space to be had with others who feel similar hurts. I think it's pretty normal to center yourself. I think the difficult thing is knowing when to relinquish the megaphone to someone who's been dying to use it, while you yourself still have so much to say.

[hotvintagepoll]

Oh no I missed coffee night!!!!

I wanted to ask you about Hitchcock 😔 If you're willing to answer, which movies of his do you think are overrated and which do you think are actually good? He's my most watched director (because film school) but I only genuinely like a few of his films and always disagreed with my classmates about which ones were the best

I feel like I'm holding up a Daffy Duck style sign that says "shoot me" because Hitchcock is so well thought of by cinephiles versus me, the basic horny mod who watches movies with hot people in them. With that said, I remember Rope, Dial M for Murder, North by Northwest, and To Catch a Thief all left me a bit flat, because I felt like he was prioritizing pushing technical limits or creating extravagant images over deeper characters and relationships. I love a good technical limit-pushing, but it needs to serve the story! And sometimes I feel like he has an idea he wants to try or an image he wants to show and puts so much focus on developing it that characters' reality and interest kind of falls by the wayside—they become pawns navigating his situations, instead of interesting characters in their own right.

To be fair, this is more a characteristic of his later work than his early work—The Lady Vanishes is one of my favorite movies, and I remember Notorious and Spellbound both being enjoyable when I watched them a few years ago. Again, basic film watcher here. Don't show this post to the Criterion collection.

[007chan]

coward

riki’s always been observant. he's been observant since he was a little boy, always noticing things that others didn't.

he noticed how unhappy his mother was with his father, notices how jake blushes every time he makes eye contact with jungwon, and he notices how gloomy sunoo has seemed since he said he's found a new tutor.

he doesn't wanna seem creepy but he can't help but look for sunoo everywhere he goes. despite pushing the older away, riki can't help but feel drawn to him. always wanting to be in his presence. to be the one who listens to his gossip, to be the one who laughs at his stupid jokes. he craves it. he can't help it, no matter how hard he tries, he finds himself craving sunoo.

that's why now, finding himself standing in front of sunoo, he's more than shocked. riki feels time stop when he taps his finger on sunoo’s shoulder. originally riki had come to the library to meet up with jake. today being their first ever tutoring session. the last thing he expected was to be in front of sunoo, but when his eyes landed on him, he found his feet moving on their own volition. he mentally curses his body, forcing himself to be in front of the one person he's trying so hard to avoid.

sunoo is clearly the most surprised out of the two, his eyebrows shooting up to his hairline at the sight of the younger. not wasting a second sunoo scrambles out of his chair to get in riki’s face. "you. what is wrong with you?" he asks, his expression unreadable.

riki raises an eyebrow at the shorter, "whats wrong with me?" sunoo rolls his eyes dramatically. riki watches sunoo take a deep breath, watches how his angry expression turns into a sullen one. "listen, i get wanting to change tutors. i do! really, i do." he pauses, eyes flicking to riki’s lips briefly, "but why not give me more of a heads up? i mean you told me a day before our next session, why so sudden?"

riki feels himself start to sweat at the question. despite being the one to put himself in this situation(more like his body's subconscious need to be around sunoo), he wasn't ready to speak to him.

"im sor-" his voice cracks. he looks away, embarrassed. riki clears his throat, "im sorry it was so sudden, i just.." the taller finds himself unable to finish his sentence. all he can focus on is the sad eyes staring back at him. he cant help but be in awe of how breathtaking sunoo looks despite the sadness all over his face.

sunoo opens his mouth to probably say something that will break rikis heart entirely when a voice calls out sunoos name.

the shorter looks behind riki, his eyes soften and the frown on his lips turn upward into a smile. riki spins on his feet to glare at the person who interrupted sunoo. chest tightening at the sight of the man who stands before them.

"jay!" sunoo pushes past riki, excitedly greeting said man. riki notices two drinks and a bag in jays hands, "sorry im late, the lines were long as fuck." he hears jay say to sunoo, his voice sweet. he watches as jay hands sunoo the bag, how the shorter curiously taking a peek inside. he watches how sunoo gasps in surprise and beams up at jay.

riki doesn't hear what sunoo says to jay after that. all he can focus on is the ringing in his ears and how his eyes are starting to burn. jay finally notices riki as he and sunoo walk over to the table sunoo was previously studying at.

"riks?" the man tilts his head, surprised yet happy to see riki. all riki can bring himself to do is nod in acknowledgement, not trusting his voice to be steady.

jay looks wearily between sunoo and riki, his eyebrows furrowed. "am i interrupting something?" he asks, mouth turning downwards into a small frown.

riki clenches his jaw unable to take his eyes away from the bag delicately held in sunoos hands. he feels sunoo’s eyes burn into him, yet he cant meet his gaze.

with lips pressed in a thin line, riki shakes his head. "nah." he feels his throat tighten, "we're done here," he glances at jay briefly before finally looking into sunoo’s eyes. "he's all yours." riki sees sunoo's face crumble and he speed walks out of the library. giving no time for the other two to respond, giving no time for himself to think about how sunoo looked at him. forcing himself to believe that sunoo’s calls of his name are simply in his head.

it's only when he's outside of the library that he remembers why he was there in the first place. he curses to himself, shoving his hand into his bag in search of his phone.

riki tries to ignore the way the pain in his chest has become unbearable. how his eyes prick with pathetic tears. he opens his and jakes chat typing out a quick message with a weak excuse on why he won't make it to their session. he only waits a second before jake is replying cursing him and his entire bloodline. he laughs softly at the olders antics, typing one more quick apology to jake before turning off his phone.

he berates himself the entire walk back to his house for crying over something as trivial as this. he's just supposed to be a fake boyfriend to sunoo, hes supposed to make jay jealous, yet here he is. getting jealous over his very own best friend and crying over his very own real feelings for sunoo. he keeps telling himself he can be happy for the two, that he's happy himself, despite knowing deep down he's not.

he doesn't want to accept it, but jakes right. he’s a fucking coward.

SUMMARY: riki has seen many things as sunoo's neighbor. he's seen him late for school rushing out the door, he's seen him help his mother bring in groceries, and he's even seen him get dropped off by friends. what riki hasnt seen is sunoo asking him to be his fake boyfriend.

sorry hehe 🤗🤗

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[genderqueerdykes]

I can't reply to the post directly but I saw a post where you were talking about trans masc erasure especially when you were in college and like....I feel it. I started college in 2003 and identified as a cis butch lesbian because I didn't know there was anything else to be, but also MOST IMPORTANTLY because my "resources" and info on trans men were basically Boys Don't Cry, which every lesbian I knew referred to as a lesbian film and Brandon Teena as a lesbian. There were also vague comments from time to time about Chaz Bono at some point, but again, everyone around me was referring to him as a "confused lesbian". What's frustrating these days is that while there is more information out there and more spaces, there still isn't enough. Like, I learned basically everything I know about my body from Gen Z friends who had better education and affirming teachers. And also finding space when you're almost 40 is an impossible task sometimes. At almost every trans masc group I've attended I've been the oldest by almost 10 or sometimes almost 15 years. It's a really lonely experience. A handful of times we've had moderators who are young and not trans masc and they've talked over me and tried to "correct" the language I use to talk about my experiences - for example, I call myself FTM, and I also say things like "when I was presenting as a woman" or "when I thought I was a lesbian". I use this language intentionally because there were over 30 years of my life where I had no idea of the possibility that I could be anything but a woman and that IS how I identified, and there are over 30 years of experience with that identity that I am still recovering from and that shaped the course of my life in a way that's difficult or impossible to explain without acknowledging it. Part of our erasure unfortunately comes within the community and people not listening to the experiences of others whose journey doesn't line up with the plot beats of a cinematic, linear coming out story (not to knock that if someone has it! But leave room for those of us who don't!). Even though I'm on T and have had top surgery, there's still so much I've had to figure out myself and it's a lonely life. I don't know how to date or make connections (or even if I should! I'm aromantic which I think complicates things sometimes). Anyway I don't know if any of this is relevant but like. I just wanted to say I relate to the erasure stuff. Wouldn't change who I am for anything, but I would change the world in which I had to figure it out.

im really sorry you can relate to this, it affects so many people and a lot of people are proud to say they don't care. it's not okay. trans men and mascs need community irl. i'm bet things were way harder back then, i can't even imagine how hard it must've been to talk about being transmasculine in 2003.

im going to keep my reply brief because i do not want to distract from your experience