#i am so sick and fucking tired of the freaks who sexualize this shit too

[jujurose222]

As long as you are with her the further I stray from you because you are evil and you are cruel. You tell lies. You hide. You get embarrassed and wonder why. Because you’re scared of this world but you would never admit it. You are sad for the way this world has let you down time and time again. You are sad to know you’ve corrupted yourself with loose vaginas and unloving men. You are ashamed because you’ve collected sex demons like Pokémon cards.

And then you had one person who would have never ever shamed you for any of that, me. But you ruined it. And now you’re ashamed of that. You know I really did not want you to be ashamed, because I don’t want to feel sorry for you. But you know what, I don’t have to feel sorry for you, you need to feel sorry for yourself.

You are pathetic. You are a coward. You are corrupted. You are sick. You are crazy. You are delusional. You are fucking stupid. But as long you as you tell the world you are not, the crazier you get. Which also means, the further away from me you get.

You have to feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world, because you collected the trauma to make you feel like that. What you thought having so much sex is just normal? ITS NOT. It’s how sexual predators begin.

You know sometimes I see men do scary things on screen and I cannot help but wonder if you would do those scary things, I don’t even know who you are. You are a sexual criminal, but you act like you’re not. You present much differently, maybe it was all a facade with me.

All I know is, you literally refuse to change. You keep those little girls around, and then refuse to tell anyone you even admired me.

I sit here and write countless poems about how I’ve admired you, and you talk shit on my name. You say, “I didn’t mean to lead her on.” And then make me look fucking stupid because right before I found out, I said we were practically dating. Do you blame me, I hadn’t talked to a boy since the 8th. Fucking. Grade. And then Bryson, idegaf his name is being spoiled, he just looked at me and sighed. I asked him, “why are you acting like that, do you know something?” And he lied too. And then I had to find out from all those girls who hate me, they said you were all over some girl, you guys got kicked out of every room because you were just trying to fuck her. And I was at home sleeping in my bed, dreaming about you.

Feel terrible about it, you are a piece of shit. I LOVED YOU. And I never told you because I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

You are mean. You hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me before and that is saying something. You are the only person I ever admired and you let me down so bad. So bad.

And when I saw “Paige e pie” on your Spotify, all those fucking songs.

I mean fuck, all you did was lie. And I was the one who started freaking the fuck out, I was the one who began wondering who I was. I was the one who had an ego death.

It should have been you. You should have been on your bedroom floor hyperventilating and dry heaving. You should’ve punched your fucking wall. You should have released years and years worth of water works. You should have felt the boiling fucking rage I felt. You should have fantasized endless nights about slitting young girls throats, not me. You should have everyone around you telling you, you are delusional for thinking you ever had a chance, not me. You should have cut your bangs and dyed them because of the extreme identity crisis. You should have lost the ability to cum for months. You should have had to watch me update my profile picture with your replacement. You should have had to hear from people about me paying a masseuse to make me cum. You should have slashed my tires. You should have felt what I felt.

But you didn’t get to feel any of those things. And now I am happy, and you are settled with a bitch who you wish was me. A bitch who could never come close even though you wish it everyday. A bitch who I imagined killing almost everyday. A bitch who got what I wanted, and thank fucking god for that. She has to deal with you, not me. LMAO. If that ain’t karma I don’t know what is.

You are pathetic and sad. And the longer you hide from the truth the closer you are to death. I would love to pull the trigger but I guess you are already doing it for me.

And nobody’s hands hold the power mine do. You will never cum like that again you fucking loser.

[angst-fairygodmother]

Could I get “Why? Because I don’t want you to get hurt, that’s why!” and “I won’t lose you too.” for Luba x Reader (because I'm in an angsty mood)? Pretty please?

A continuation of Scrapes, picking up the morning after. A/N: It was really a Luba night for me. Thank you so much for these prompts, because they led to a conversation I didn’t know these two needed so badly to have. I hope you enjoy! Word Count: 1423 Rating: T - Angst, references to major character death, references to violence, non-sexual nudity, spoilers for the movie

Luba groaned, stirred from slumber by the buzzing of someone calling. He looked down at you, snuggled into his arms, face buried in his chest, and tried to ignore the grating sound of the phone. But whoever it was, evidently couldn’t take a hint. Every time he thought it was over, it started vibrating again. 

“What?” he hissed, finally answering the damn thing so they would go away.

“Oh! Luba, I wasn’t expecting you to answer Y/N’s phone,” Alexi said, sounding nervous.

“They’re still sleeping, thank god. The studio had better be burning down, for you to call so early.”

“It’s almost 10, Y/N usually comes in by quarter after. That’s why I’m calling.”

“I am too tired for this. What’s going on?”

“I assume you know about their stunt last night…”

“Yes,” he was getting very annoyed.

“Well when I got here to unlock this morning, the guy was hanging around. Skulking might be a better word actually. Across the street like I wouldn’t notice him.”

“What guy?”

“The guy. The one they got in the fight with.”

Luba inhaled sharply. There was only one reason that guy would be hanging around your studio still, or again. He had decided your business was unfinished. 

The world was spinning and he struggled to draw air into his lungs.

“I’m kinda freaked out, and I called some people I know to...take care of it, but it’s probably not a good idea for Y/N to come in today. I’ll call any clients on the calendar, just…”

“I’ll keep them safe,” he promised.

“They really lucked out finding you, Luba,” Alexi said by way of goodbye. 

The line clicked, and it was silent again, except for the sound of your soft snores. He traced the upturned line of your face, fingers skipping whisper-like over the sterile strips at your brow and temple. 

“I won’t lose you too,” he whispered, firmer than he felt, as he wrapped his arm around you and drew you as close as he could. He didn’t bother to try and sleep again, knowing if he did, he’d just be plagued by nightmares and disturb you, and too afraid at the moment to let you out of his sight.

~

Upon waking, you immediately sensed that something was wrong. Bleary-eyed you groped around in the bed for Luba, only to find it empty. You shot up in a panic, not bothering to so much as wrap a blanket around your bare shoulders as you stumbled to your feet. Luba never got up before you. 

You found him in the kitchen, calmly making tea, an array of pastries from the bakery around the corner on a plate next to him. Without thinking, you threw your arms around his neck, nearly spilling scalding water on yourself.

“Well good morning to you too,” he chuckled, pulling away to look up and down your naked form.

“Don’t scare me like that,” you said, planting your hands on your hips.

“I’m sorry, love,” he pouted prettily up at you. “I woke up early, so I thought I’d make breakfast in bed. I didn’t think you’d worry, not having me there beside you.”

You could tell by the lilt in his voice that he wasn’t exactly taking the issue seriously. 

“I just...I thought...well I don’t know what I thought, but…” you sighed in frustration, unable to put into words the feelings that had hit you in that moment. 

Realizing how genuine your worries were, he sobered, rubbing his hands up and down your arms soothingly.

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to spook you. Go back to bed, and I’ll be in in a moment, after I make new tea.”

As nice as a lazy morning of breakfast in bed, which would probably lead to other things in bed, with Luba sounded, you shook your head. 

“I can’t,” you said regretfully. “I have to get to the studio soon.”

“No you don’t,” he reassured you, beaming. “I already cleared it with Alexi for you to play hookie.”

“You what?” you didn’t want to believe what you were hearing, that he had gone behind your back like that.

“I just thought...with your face kinda messed up, and it looks terrible this morning darling, not to mention your other bruises...and it’s been so long since we had a day together, so I asked Alexi if you really needed to go in. They said no. So, we have the day for breakfast in bed, and cuddling, and maybe a good, long session? I’ll have to be gentle with you, but I think I’m up for the challenge.”

“You had no right to do that!” 

“What is the big deal?”

“The studio isn’t just a job like the club is for you. It’s my career. If my clients think I’m a flake, they’ll find someone else. And if I lose that…” there’d be nothing left for you, you knew that but you didn’t want to say it. Your heart, your soul, your life savings. Everything had gone into setting this up.

“It’s one day, Y/N. Don’t get so wound up.”

“I don’t care if it’s an hour, Luba! I am the only one who gets to make the choice of me skipping my obligations. Not you. And I know you know that so I don’t understand why you would do this.”

He opened his mouth to speak and you held up a hand to stop him.

“The real reason this time. I know you well enough to know when you’re lying to me.”

“I’m sorry, alright?” he snapped, turning away from you and hunching defensively.

“No, not alright. I don’t want an apology, I want to know why.”

“Why? Because I don’t want you to get hurt, that’s why!” his eyes blazed with rage and tears as he yelled at you.

“What?” you frowned. He had never spoken to you like this before. You weren’t sure if he had spoken that way to anyone actually. You felt like your heart was threatening to tear itself in pieces at the look on his face.

“You slept in, which you never do unless you’re sick, so I know your injuries are worse than you’re pretending. And then Alexi called and said the guy that fucked you up was hanging around the studio when they got there. And it scared me shitless, so I decided I had to keep you here, away from him.”

“Are...are you sure?” your voice had involuntarily dropped to a whisper. The information he gave scared you, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

“That’s what they said. And before you start losing it about them being alone, they said they’d call someone. And even if they don’t, I don’t care,” he shook his head. “No. If you ask me to pick between them and you, my pick is always going to be you. I didn’t make sure Naadirah came home, or stayed with me where I knew where she was. And now she’s buried by a lake and I’ll never get to tell her I’m sorry, and I can’t do that again.”

“Luba…” you reached for him on instinct, as his perfect mascara ran in rivulets down his face.

“It’s no wonder she chose the Dummy over a useless shit like me. I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything.”

“Luba, that’s not true. You did so much for Naadi, and she knew, and she would never want you to blame yourself.”

He laughed bitterly, sniffling. “I think she would. But that’s not the point. It’s too late for me to fix that. But it’s not too late for you. I don’t think I’m the kind of bastard that gets lucky and gets three loves of their life, and I don’t want a third anyway. I just want to not fail both of the ones I did get.”

“Oh Luba…” you wrapped him tightly in a hug, tears now running down your cheeks as well. “I had no idea…”

“Please don’t leave me, Y/N,” he mumbled into your neck as he clung to you. 

“Never,” you promised, just as anchored to him.

The kettle whistled, and Luba stretched to switch it off without fully letting you go.

“We can have tea, and breakfast, later,” you murmured, smiling softly and already lacing your fingers through his. “Let’s just go back to bed for a bit. It’s much easier to hold you when you’re not twice my height.”

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 1]

Part Eighty-Three [Pt. 2]

A/N: There's 2 parts to this chapter because the post was way long. Part Eighty-Four will be posted tomorrow night. I love yall and hope you enjoy, goodnight!!

Words: 5.7k

Warnings: Explicit language, drug abuse, violence, verbal abuse, domestic abuse, explicit sexual situations

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"The ambulance is on the way." I hear someone say over the noise of the running water and the blood throbbing in my ears from my mind racing. 

My heart feels like it's about to burst, my lungs feel flat, like they don't have the muscle to expand and let me catch my breath. 

Duff's t-shirt that I'm wearing is soaked with freezing cold water, Nikki's grayish-yellow skin now blue… 

We've been trying to get him to wake up. 

Slash is passed out, being knocked out by his girlfriend, Sally, once he realized what was happening and had a drunk meltdown. 

Me, Sally, Duff and Steven get Nikki from the cold shower and get him back in the living room floor, tearing at his shirt and the buttons fly off. 

"Holy shit." Steven says just under his breath as I go to start cpr but I'm stopping when my hands hit something like ice.

I quickly see what it is and I nearly fall back. 

It's my crucifix that I thought I had lost when I left it in Duff's hotel room a couple months ago…

TWELVE HOURS AGO

"Nikki's getting home later than the rest of the guys." Karen informs me as I finish wiping down the kitchen counter. 

"Why?" I ask and she sighs. 

"He told me he missed the flight." 

"Of course he did." I mumble and she sighs. 

"Well, after that stunt he pulled, I'm surprised he's even getting to come home." She states and I furrow my brows. 

"What stunt?"

"Doc didn't tell you?" 

"No?"

"...Nikki and the guys were on a bullet train and something riled Nikki up and he threw a bottle of Jack at a window and it busted and got all over the passengers, then when they got stopped and the cops got ahold of him, Tommy punched one of them so they'd take him, too." She explains. 

Am I surprised, no. Shocked, no. Disappointed, no. Annoyed? Yes. 

"They are so freaking embarrassing." I sneer to myself.

"Oh, the worst part is what he told the police chief, in Doc's words, 'if my balls were on your chin, where would my dick be?'" 

I widen my eyes, blinking slowly. 

"He said the man couldn't understand exactly what he said so the translator told him Nikki said he was very sorry and they got off." She adds.

"Of course they did." 

She just looks at me for a moment before letting out a soft breath. 

"Vivian, do you think...even the slightest chance you two can--"

"--If there was a chance, I would've gone to Japan with them." I tell her.

She's quiet. 

"I need to feed the dog." I say to her, dismissively, and as if on cue, Whisky is darting in here. "Hey, baby!" I pipe, excitedly, still feeling Karen's gaze on me before she steps out of the kitchen. "Mommy's trying not to kill Daddy." I tell him, pouring his food in his bowl. "She's really trying."

A couple hours later, I'm putting makeup on to go meet Duff when the phone starts ringing. 

"Hello?" I answer it in the bedroom, sitting on the bed. 

"Hey, beautiful, it's Robbin." I hear from the other side and I roll my eyes, chuckling. 

"Hey, beautiful, what's up?" I reply in the same tone. 

"Nothin'." He replies. "I was wondering if your daddy was home, yet?" He asks in reference to Nikki and I scoff. 

"My father is at home with my mother, probably praying or reading the Bible or secretly listening to The Cult records in the garage." I reply. 

"You know who I'm talking about, c'mon." He laughs. 

"No, Robbin, your boyfriend isn't home yet." I tell him. 

"Do you know when he will be?"

"Not too long from now, probably."

"Well, when he gets in, tell him to gimme a call." 

"I might not be here but I'll leave a note." 

"Where you going?" He asks. 

"Out."

"With who?" 

"Robbin."

"Why don't you ever come see me anymore? I haven't hung out with you in months." 

"Because I don't party and that's all you like to do at night." 

"Well, bring your ass with Sixx when he comes tonight."

"Robbin--"

"--Please, for me?" 

"I'll think about it, alright?" 

"Okay, just don't forget to get him to call me." He reminds me and I nod.

"I will."

"See you later...maybe." 

"Later."

We hang up and I groan and fall back on the bed, looking at myself in the mirrored ceiling, before calling Duff to postpone our plans by a couple hours so I can go hangout with Nikki and Robbin.

Once I'm dressed, I fall back on the bed, waiting for Nikki to get in…

I turn over on my stomach and reach for the little radio clock on his side of the bed, my finger pulling the switch on. 

Dopey Christmas music filters through the room and I turn it back off, sighing. 

Whisky jumps up on the bed with me and I sit up so he doesn't lick my makeup off, giggling at his happy-go-lucky demeanor, but something's off in his eyes. 

"He'll be back tonight, baby." I promise, scratching at his chin. "I miss him, too, you know? I know that's hard to believe but I do." I admit to him and he blinks at me. "And if you tell anybody, I won't give you table scraps anymore." I add, the corners of my mouth tugging. 

I kiss his head, leaving a smudge of lipstick and I wince, forgetting I even had the stuff on. 

"Oops." I go to the bathroom and get a wet washcloth, srubbing it off his fur as best as a I can. 

That's when I hear the door open and slam, and I exhale, standing up, tossing the cloth aside and peeking my head out of the bedroom door to see if it's Karen or Nikki. 

"Hey," I say to him and he looks at me. 

He looks like absolute hell. 

"You can stop looking at me like that." He mumbles and I try to speak but can't find the words. 

"Sorry." I finally get it out and he goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. 

I hear the shower start and I thank God because he smells horrendous. 

I light a few scented candles while he's in there, trying to clear out the smell. 

Then I try to search his suitcase for drugs, to no avail. 

"I threw them out before I got to the airport." He says and I freeze up, sighing when he reaches past me and grabs the suitcase, tugging it to the floor before grabbing at my waist, making me turn around to face him. 

I just try to keep my expression neutral, not knowing if he's in a mood or not. 

"You smell better." I tell him to avoid an awkward silence as we're uncomfortably close. 

"Yeah, so do you." He replies and I roll my eyes, about to move out of his grasp. "Wait, wait, no, no, c'mere." He grabs at me tighter, holding me still, chuckling boyishly and I give a sharp breath. 

"You're high," I state, trying to nudge him away from me to give me some space. 

"Hey, I'm being nice." His expression shifts, eyes cutting at me, mouth snarling. 

"Nikki--"

"--No, when I'm pissed you get bitchy and when I'm in a good mood you get bitchy. You're just a fucking bitch. Always have been. Always will be." He snatches himself away, kicking the suitcase out of his way. 

"I'd rather be a bitch than a junkie." I reply as he goes to the bathroom and he's turning around in milliseconds. 

"Fuck you!" He shouts, grabbing my jaw, forcing my back down to the mattress, "fuck you, you condescending, manipulative, evil little witch!" He barks in my face and I keep myself as calm as I can, not wanting to make it worse. 

I shouldn't have even called him a junkie to begin with. 

I knew how he'd react. 

"Don't you ever call me that again, Vivian, do you fucking understand me?! I'm tired of it! I'm tired of your shit and your endless whining when I started shooting up because of you in the first fucking place and I keep shooting up just to escape from the reality that I'm fucking married to a twisted, sick, sneaky cunt like you!" 

My eyes water, a lump in my throat…

"Then divorce me." I let out weakly, my voice cracking. "If I'm so awful then just leave me, Nikki." 

He looks at me, tears in his own eyes, before he gets off of me and goes to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

NIKKI

I thought couldn't do that. Even when I was miserable with her, I was in love with her. That's contradictory to how I acted and treated her but it wasn't necessarily an endless doting, constant lovey-dovey, in love, thing. It was a poisonous, constant merry-go-round and anytime I would try to get off she'd pull me on again without even realizing it. She'd wear a hot dress, or laugh, or smile, or do something for me, or just say 'Nikki', and fuck, I'd be on her again. The Duff thing wasn't even on my mind that night. I got home, saw she was there, went inside and saw her and it took everything in me not to fall to my fucking knees...only for her to call me a junkie. I shouldn't have grabbed her like that, but at that point I was tired of the going around and around, spinning, dizzy, exhausted from puking...she wouldn't leave me. So I was trying to scare her off. 

I realized after my overdose that there was no scaring her off. She was as sick as I was, she needed help like I did, and until we got it we would still be on the ride. That's when I filed for divorce. I thought of it as my final, "I love you," because I really did it for her, knowing she wouldn't file after I OD'd. We were torturing ourselves at that point. We both needed to just get away from one another. And we did.

"You coming or not, Vivian, c'mon!" I call into the house when the car gets here, rolling my eyes as she takes her sweet, precious time, deliberately, staring me in the eye as she slowly steps to the door, her brow raised, red lips keeping restraint from curling at the sight of me. 

When she walks past, I'm tempted to rear back and hit her ass as hard as my hand can muster, just to see her look at me with her unamused, pissy little look she gives me when I'm being an asshole. 

We get in the back of the limo and she sits as far away from me as possible. 

It's silent on the way to town, the light flittering, through the windows in the back cast light over her face every now and then...we'd be in the floor tearing at clothes by now if this was three years ago. 

Fuck.

How the hell did we go from not getting enough of each other to fucking despising each other? 

Again, like I've been doing all year, I remind myself it's because I fucked up with Vanity.

I hope she doesn't tell Vivian I called her in Japan...It's  like I really miss her or anything, I was just lonely and Vivian wasn't taking my calls. 

She was under Duff, the demon in my ear laughs out and I look at Vivian again, seeing her quickly look away from me as if she'd get caught for staring. 

I wonder what she's thinking about right now...I wonder if she really has been with Duff this whole I haven't been home. 

Not that I have room to bitch, I spent my whole time in Japan with my head in drugs--which might as well be a fucking mistress. 

I give her one last glance before clearing my throat and leaning my head back to rest my eyes for a moment. 

Soon, we stop, and the door flings open, Robbin, Slash, some chick, and Steven all pile in, Vivian scooting over so there's more room for everyone to sit. 

I go to the other window, letting Slash and the girl I'm assuming is with him get beside me. 

Vivian's between Robbin and Steven, and it's evident they've been having some fun before meeting us. 

"Sixx!" Robbin lets out, kicking the seat I'm in.

"King!" I reply, kicking his seat, and he chuckles. 

"How was Japan?" He asks, rubbing his nose. 

"I barely remember." I admit with a laugh and he joins me, nodding. 

"Nikki, this is Sally." Slash tells me next and I lean over him to see her. 

She's pretty hot. 

"Nice to meet you." She tells me.

She's Scottish...interesting. 

I hear Vivian giggle and I peek out the corner of my eye and see Robbin whispering something in her ear, and she elbows him, jokingly. 

"You are, just saying." He says to her and she rolls her eyes. "Just get more and more beautiful the longer I go without seeing you." He adds. 

"Shut up." She nudges him. 

"You are." He chuckles. 

"Sleepy is what I am." She states as Steven tells me something, and I try to hear him, but I'm too focused on what Robbin's going on about. 

"Here," he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a baggie of coke, grabbing his keys and getting some on the tip of it, holding it up to her nose. 

She wrinkles her nose and shoos him away. 

"No, no, no." She shakes her head. 

"C'mon."

"No." She keeps her voice light but stern and he lowers it and looks at her with a smirk on his lips. 

Next thing I know, she's laughing out, "Robbin, stop," while King's dumping the dab of coke on the smooth skin of her tit that's pushed up slightly in her strapless dress. 

She squeals and laughs as he snorts it off, I guess because the scratch of his five o'clock shadow tickles or she just gets off on making me mad, then he starts quickly trailing little kisses up her cheek to her ear and she tries to put her ear to her shoulder, laughing more when his other hand tickles at her stomach…he's nearly got her laid out on the seat. 

My foot makes contact with his stomach and I'm nearly barking when I say, "sit your ass down, Robbin," sharply, making it clear I'm not bullshitting him.

"I was just playing, Sixx, damn." He sniffles, wiping his nose.  

"You don't 'play' like that." I throw at him. 

An intense silence falls over all of us and Vivian just brushes what's left of the coke off of her chest and straightens her dress before giving him a soft, reassuring smile. 

Great. Is she fucking him, too? 

When we get to the Cathouse, Vivian stays close to Steven and eventually Sally when the two of them warm up to each other. 

We make it up to V.I.P. and Viv makes a point to try to avoid sitting beside me. 

But I wait for her to sit and I'm sitting right beside her with a smug smirk while she glares at me. 

"What's wrong, baby?" I lean into her ear and ask over the loud music and she just shakes her head. 

I pat myself on the back when she eventually gets up, mumbling about the bathroom, and leaves us. 

After a few (several) lines of blow, I head to the bathroom to piss, deciding to stop by the women's restroom to see what the hell Vivian's doing. 

She probably snuck out of the window. 

I hear the very faint but distinct sound of Vivian crying, guilt stabbing at me. 

I think I took it too far earlier when I called her those shitty things. 

I just go to the men's bathroom and splash my face with water, the buzzing of coke beginning to numb my mind, thoughts of my imploding marriage, band, and life, being locked up and discarded into a black sea of, "it can wait." 

One thing is retrieved, though, thrown a life line and brought back from the depths. 

I look at myself in the mirror, staring myself down as if saying, "don't you fucking do it." 

Once the high kicks in, I can just feel Sikki scrape me from control, locking me away momentarily. 

Next thing I know, I'm standing in the women's bathroom, Vivian still sniffling in the stall...I don't think she knows I'm in here. 

"I got you this far, you fuck." The demon snarls in my ear.

I swallow and clear my throat, making Vivian go silent. 

"Viv, what the fuck's wrong, now?" I ask and she sighs, staying quiet. 

"Nothing, Nikki." She says and I scoff, rubbing my jaw. 

"It's clearly not 'nothing' because I heard you blubbering the past ten minutes." I point out and she opens the stall, door, looking me dead in the eye before pushing past me. 

"A lot on my mind, alright?" She mumbles, going to the sink and I lean against the stall, crossing my arms. 

"Like what?" 

"I don't wanna talk about it, Nikki." She tells me, trying to wipe the smeared mascara away. 

"Well, I can't read your mind, Vivian, so if you're upset with me about something th--"

Her head hangs low, a small sob coming from her throat, tears dropping into the sink, her hands white-knuckling the side of the porcelain…

"I'm upset with you about everything." She admits to me, sorrow lacing her words. 

I haven't seen her like this since Vanity aired our dirty laundry out. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why didn't you act like--" she cuts herself off, and I realize she's referring to me telling her I loved her while I was in Japan. 

"Where were you, Vivian?" I ask her out of nowhere, getting defensive. 

"Where was I?" She turns to look at me, wiping her tears, rolling her jaw. "Where were you?" She snaps at me. "Where have you been the last four years?" She asks me. 

"I'm not doing this shit here." I grumble, turning to go. 

"You asked me what was wrong, Nikki, and I'm telling you what's wrong because you asked--"

"--I also asked where you've been while I've been out of town, Vivian!" I turn on my heel, snarling. 

"I've been at home, Nikki!" She yells back. "I've been here, and I've been here for six years! Thinking you'd be right here with me but you're not! That's what's wrong! I've wasted six years of my life on someone who--" 

"--You wasted six years of your life?!" I laugh out humorlessly. "How the fuck do you think I feel? How many things I've missed out on because, 'oh, nah, my wife wouldn't like that'?!" I scream. 

"Must not have been too bad because you sure as hell weren't passing up the opportunity to have a year and half long affair with Vanity!" She wretches and it takes everything in me not to tell her I know about her little thing she has going with Duff. 

"Ya know what, I felt bad for calling you an evil bitch and a cunt earlier but fuck it, you are." I reach for the door and I feel something hit at my back, her heel hitting the floor by my boots. 

I turn at glare at her, her emerald eyes lined black, thick lashes blinking slowly, lips parted slightly as she takes in a heavy breath.

I take a step to her, then another and she steps back to the sink. 

When our lips meet, I'm putting her on the sink, wasting no time to get her dress pushed up her legs. 

"Wait, wait, wait," she gasps out, nudging me away while I unbuckle my belt. 

I catch my breath as she gets off the sink and turns around, looking at me in the mirror. 

I just lift her dress and bend her over, pulling her panties to the side before--

"God, you are so high." She grumbles, pulling me from my imagination, picking her heel up and shoving past me.

Damn her. 

I follow after her back to the guys, and within another hour, once she realizes she's just going to be babysitting us--since she's not fun enough to participate in the coke, pills, and booze--she stands up.

"I'm about to head home." She tells us, and the boys groan. 

"Oh, c'mon, Viv!" Steven complains as she leans down to hug him and tell him bye. 

"I'm tired, Stevie." She states, chuckling, wrapping her arms around Slash's neck from behind him, and he pats her hand. 

"See ya," he tells her. 

"Bye." She says. "It was nice to meet you." She says to Sally, next. 

"You, too." Sally replies. 

"C'mere, c'mere, c'mere!" Robbin calls over the music and she raises a brow and stand behind him, leaning over to see what he wants. 

He just grabs her hand and puts it over his heart. 

"You feel that?" He asks her. 

"Yeah, it feels like you're about to go into cardiac arrest." She comments. 

"It's because of you." He dopily replies and she rolls her eyes and pushes at his chest, shaking her head. 

"You're a mess." She tells him and he kisses the top of her hand. 

"Goodnight, Viv, it was good to see you again." He tells her. 

"It was good to see you, too." She replies, smiling, before pulling away. "Bye, Nikki." She says to me in passing. 

"Fuck you, too!" I call after her as she heads to the stairs. 

The next time I'd see her, she'd be trying to help Sally, Duff, and Steven resuscitate me, and eventually trying to throw herself from the balcony in an attempt to not be left behind while I moved on to where ever the hell we go when we die, begging me not to leave her. I didn't, thanks to adrenaline...but even if I did die, if I had anything to do with it, I still wouldn't have left her.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

today on the “am i the asshole?” reddit:

the body education page that i follow on fb posted this yesterday and i was grossed out. when will men stop trying to police girls/women’s choices and bodies??? can someone please explain to me how a 13yo choosing to use/a mother showing her daughter how to use tampons is sexualising a 13yo???? i’m pretty sure you’re the only one who thinks that, mr AITA.

like i could concede and say that 13 is a bit early for tampons... because, hell, i still don’t use them often, or at all if i can help it; and i’m in my 20s.... but if your daughter is comfortable with them at 13, then good for her. and also. if she’s asking about birth control, maybe she’s having trouble with her period pain??? maybe she’s asking early- a few years early to boot- to know the options of birth control she has when she’s old enough? that’s a smart kid. not a child who is “using it as an excuse to become sexually active.” because i didn’t even ask my doctor about birth control/the pill until i was literally 20!!! and that was because i had shoddy asf sex ed in catholic school, that dodged around the pill ALL THE TIME even in science class- which is the one place where you’d think catholic school could teach sex ed on an okay level- but they didn’t. or maybe she wants it just for acne? that’s another reason i went on birth control: to help get rid of my bad cystic acne caused by my painful periods/fucky hormones. and it did the job.

i didn’t even tell my friends about my period pain until i changed schools at 16/17. or even tell my family until about 19/20. mostly this is all because i didn’t know how to word it. and at the time, i didn’t know if my friends in catholic school from years 7-10 would have believed me- since i did have a fairly iffy attendance record that i’m pretty sure they were sick & tired of covering for me with excuses like “flu” etc nearly every month.

the fact that your daughter is asking about the pill or other BC options at 13 is brave imo, considering that i was too awkward to even talk about it with my own doctor- YES. MY OWN DOCTOR- until i was an adult.... and this is coming from someone who had to skip school nearly every month throughout high school; because her periods were so fucking debilitating and painful that she couldn’t move or was literally physically throwing up most cycles that she didn’t want to go to school for a week to a week and a half- so that she could avoid questions from both her fellow students and her teachers.

the reason i had to ask for birth control in the end at 20 was because i realised that if i ever got a good grad job or an internship in sydney... i couldn’t be found passed out on a fucking office bathroom floor (like i was doing in 2012/2013 at tafe/technical college when i forced myself to go so as to not affect my attendance record to risk failing years 11 & 12) at least 1hr 50mins (instead of 25mins at tafe) from home at the shortest travel to central syd- trying to ease my period pain with the coolness of the tiles- along with staff freaking out like “are you sure you don’t need medical assistance or an ambulance???” or “your periods can’t be that bad. suck it up, get up and get back to work.” like thanks, janet from the social media accounts team. how about you have my fucky ovaries instead and tell me how you like it??? but anyway. me? experience the pure mortification of dealing with that on an internship??? no fucking way. the thought of throwing up on my boss’s/supervisor’s shoes just bc my periods were like “good luck holding down your lunch 😅😁!!!”???? utterly horrifying.

i needed birth control. i absolutely NEEDED to go on the pill (or get an IUD etc etc). and thank god i fucking admitted that to myself and my doctor at that point. because otherwise, i wouldn’t be able to function during my period week- like at all. but with the pill??? it’s gone. all gone. except for the headaches and bad cramps. but they’re few and far between now. as is the throwing up- which happens once every blue moon. but. i can do shit. i can move. i can exercise. i no longer absolutely dread the arrival of my period every month, like i did in my teens. it’s been a great turn around for my mental health/well-being and my social life; as well as and my overall health and well-being.

like, sir, if your daughter has periods like my periods were in high school..... that’s probably why she’s asking about the pill/other birth control. because most of the time, taking multiple advil tablets at once, and sometimes twice a day.... and then laying in bed all day because your period pain and headache etc are that awful that it’s better if you don’t have to fucking move or think all day..... is no fucking way for a teenager to live her life. literally dreading your period every month bc you don’t know just how bad it’ll be, is no fun for a teenage girl, either.

obviously i’m making huge assumptions about this guy’s daughter. but still. the guy is a fucking asshole. plus if you think that your wife is sexualising your daughter by showing her how to use tampons, you’re the one with the fucking creep issue. not your wife.

[kylankingfiction]

Ryoichi Ishino | Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Origin of GQO (Part 1)

“Hey, look, Sakura has U.A. on her high school future sheet. There’s no way a quirkless tranny like you could get into U.A,” someone teased me as I sat at my desk, minding my own business. I sighed a bit, fed up with the name-calling and teasing. I scratched at my head, a frown covering my face. Hitoshi, my best friend, looked over to me, seeing if I needed any help, but I gave him no response.

“I’m sorry, first of all, my name isn’t Sakura, dumbasses. Secondly, I’m not fucking quirkless. Thirdly, who the fuck do you think you are? I’ve kicked your ass four times over in the last month alone. Wouldn’t you be sick and tired of getting beat up by me?” I retorted in a calm voice before giving my famous death glare at him. He just gave a cocky chuckle in response.

“What are you going to do, huh? Nothing!” He says, trying to provoke me before I turned my body and punched him across the face. I stood up and grabbed my things before walking out of the classroom as the bell rang. I heard the rest of the class hurry to leave me behind. I grumbled to myself, shoving people out of the way as I walked down the hall.

“Fucking extras…” I mumbled before I noticed Hitoshi catching up with me. “Hey, how’s it going?” I asked him casually, to which he just rolled his eyes in response. I sighed and folded my plan paper, and shoved it into my shirt pocket before tugging at my mandatory skirt uncomfortably.

“You do know I should be asking you that…” he mumbled quietly and then looked towards me, watching me being uncomfortable. “Also, remember what the doctors said… once you get your surgery, you’re not going to be able to work out. You’re going to end up physically weak, and you can’t keep fighting people like you are now,” Hitoshi says to me, clearly concerned. I swapped out my shoes with him before starting to walk home.

“I know, I know, seriously. I’ve been prepared for that…” I mumbled, looking down, shivering at the sight of my chest so prominent under my blazer. “These need to get the fuck off of my fucking body,” I mumbled, gripping my hands. I just wanted to be myself, regardless of what others thought. I just needed to be myself.

***

I was sitting in bed, bandages around my chest after my surgery. I was in so much pain and too sore, but other than that, my top surgery went well. I was working on schematics for gear since I will be fragile when the U.A. entrance exam comes around, and with permission and filling out forums, I can have the equipment.

I could hear someone knocking on my door. “Come in!” I call without looking away from my notepad, tapping my pen on the paper. In comes, Hitoshi is holding a bag of fast food, drinks, and his pack. “Hey, I’m here with homework, and I thought you’d be hungry. I bought you a ten-piece,” Hitoshi said as he walked in, coming to sit with me on my bed.

“Oh, thank you. I am now that you mention it,” I say to Hitoshi, chuckling a bit. I move my notepad off to the side and lightly reach out to him for the food, but unable to really since my body was so stiff. He chuckled and handed me the container of chicken nuggets, then my french fries. I set them down on my lap and start to eat. He then pulled out the packets of homework I needed to do today.

“Everyone thinks you got arrested, by the way,” Hitoshi adds, chuckling lightly. I shook my head as I looked at my homework and ate. “Yeah, I didn’t think you’d be too impressed,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. He moved on my bed and leaned against the wall as he ate his burger.

“It’s whatever, not that funny though,” I said, reading over the packet. I held my hand out for Hitoshi to pass me my drink, which he does without thinking. “Fuck, are you coming over after school every day with food? Because I can get used to this,” I said as I took a drink, which made Hitoshi chuckle.

“Sure, I don’t mind,” he said, smiling at me. I smiled back at him for a moment before I grabbed my pen and set the packet onto my small table my parents bought me so I could work on my bed. I started to fill out the responses as I continued to eat. “Can I see your progress?” Hitoshi asked me, seeing my notebook with my makeshift schematics open. I nodded without looking away from my paper.

He flipped through the schematics and looked at my hero outfit design as well. “These are pretty cool, but your hero costume is so boring,” Hitoshi points out, showing me the page with the hero outfit. “Why not make it more punk? It’s just a baggy jumper with the boots, gloves and goggles,” Hitoshi said, looking back at it again.

“I don’t know… My quirk doesn’t feel like- It doesn’t feel like its punk, and shouldn’t my hero suit represent my quirk?” I explained, shrugging a bit, continuing the homework, and eating. He nodded, sighing a bit, looking at it again, then smiling a bit.

“You could add some buckles; that’d be cool,” Hitoshi suggests, chuckling a bit. He took a pencil and started to sketch some out as I shook my head and continued to do my homework and eat the food, he brought them.

***

Hitoshi came over every day after school for three weeks straight, bringing me food and homework and then bringing my homework back to the teachers. It was my first day returning to school, and everyone kept asking me why I got arrested. I kept telling them arson, and it freaked people out.

“Why did you keep telling them you got arrested for arson?” He asked me as we walked towards the Karaoke bar my dad worked at as a chef. Most of the food there was his original recipes by this point. We were planning on letting off some steam by singing our hearts out like we always did when shit got rough.

I shrugged in response to him asking why I chose arson. “Because it was far left, and I’m dying to burn down the Endeavor building anyways,” I explained, chuckling a bit at the idea. Hitoshi puts his face in his hands and shakes his head.

“That is not something you should say when you’re trying to get into U.A., and you know that already,” Hitoshi said to me, making me laugh even more before and winced a bit, my body still being tense from the surgery. When we got to the karaoke bar, we went to our usual table and sat down, ordering some appetizers and sodas.

“Okay, I’m going to go and sing my first song,” I said, patting his shoulder a few times before going up to the guy running the karaoke and putting in which song I wanted, heading onto the stage. I started to sing January Gloom by All Time Low, getting the usual cheers from the regulars who knew me and the fact that I was the head chef's child.

***

I was sitting and watching Ryoichi on stage. They were so handsome. They had been growing out their hair after having it completely shaved for the last two years. They still had around a third of their head shaved, and then the long part was as long as their ear lobe. And the over-the-top makeup they used looked amazing on them. They had black and dark purple today and black lipstick.

Maybe I was in love with them, but they aren’t interested, and I’m okay with that. I told them that I had feelings for the last year, and they rejected me. But we’re still best friends, and they trust me more than anyone. I notice a guy at the table next to ours staring up at Ryoichi in awe as they sang. I walked over with my soda and leaned on his table.

“You must be new here. Ryoichi normally performs all the time. Their dad is the head chef,” I said to him casually, startling a bit by my presence. “I’m Shinso, that’s Ishino. They prefer their first name, Ryoichi,” I added, holding my hand out. I mostly spoke to him because I didn’t want this guy to misgender them.

“Oh! Uh, yeah. My friend told me this place is a good place to hang out, so I thought I’d check it out,” he said softly, glancing towards me. He saw me holding out my hand and shook it. “I’m Sero,” he said, looking towards me and then glanced back up to them. “She’s beautiful…” he muttered under his breath. I did everything I could to not frown at him.

“They’re nonbinary and go by them and them pronouns. They also don’t like being called pretty or beautiful,” I said, glancing towards Sero, seeing the way he looked at them. I wasn't into the fact someone was looking at them like that, but from what Ryoichi had told me, he was their type. Sero flinched a bit, getting an apologetic look, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh shit, my bad…” he apologized and then looked down at his drink, blushing a bit. He seemed to be, well, questioning his sexuality. Ryoichi was the one who helped me figure out I wasn’t straight, so this wasn’t that big of a surprise to me. “They’re handsome…” he mumbled, correcting himself.

“Hey! How was it?” Ryoichi cheered after running over, smiling brightly towards me before hugging me. Before I could say anything, they looked towards Sero, staring for a moment. A light blush appeared on their face. Knowing Ryoichi, their brain probably stopped working if they thought he was cute. “So, who’s this nerd?” They asked, their tone shifting to be a bit flirty as they leaned against the table, smirking a bit. Yup, they thought he was cute, and if I’m not wrong, their exact thought right now has to be ‘Cute nerd boy’ over and over.

Sero looked towards them, blushing a bit. “Oh! I’m Sero; Shinso told me that your name was Ryoichi,” Sero said nervously, holding his hand out for them to shake. They smirked and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, hot stuff,” they flirted with him, which made his whole face turn a bright red at their words. I chuckled and put my hand on their shoulder.

“I’m going to go and sing a song. Don’t scare him off,” I whispered to them, chuckling a bit, making them blush as they continued to flirt with him. I haven’t seen Ryoichi show such interest in someone so quickly. Maybe it’s the top surgery? They’ve slowly gotten more confident as they transitioned and gradually became themself more and more.

I went all the way to the stage and performed a song of my own. I watched the scene below of Ryoichi flirting with Sero. He seemed very flustered, but it was nice to see Ryoichi hit it off with someone like this since he appeared to not be against the idea of someone who wasn’t a girl flirting with him, so I wasn’t too worried about that.

[luminescentauthor]

Sora/Tobi Getting Together and Relationship Headcanons

THEY’RE HEEEEEERREEEE! Maybe Tobi will finally leave me alone now and stop taking up my whole brain.

Please read this post or this won’t make sense, it’s HCs about their third year. There’s also a part two that you don’t need to read, since everything you need is in part one. (U can if u want to tho.)

(If you don’t want to, basically all you need to know is: Nao, Sora, Tobi, and Mokichi are on first-name basis since the end of second year; Sora and Tobi have had a running prank war since the end of their first year and everyone on the team hates them because of it; Sora is captain, Mokichi is vice. Oh also Tobi’s aunt is awesome and she stormed into his parents’ house in Hiroshima to yell at them for being terrible parents. Tobi didn’t find out for the longest time.)

This is some 10-ass pages so headcanons below the cut!

This. Is. So much more chaotic than my Sora/Nao HCs. Prepare for disaster gays, very tired and very exasperated queer parent friend Momoharu, very very tired Mokichi, "usually a functional bi but the second you involve emotions he becomes a grade-a disaster bisexual" Tobi, Sora struggling to deal with "OH shit I'm gay," and "bows to absolutely no one and done with everyone and everything 24/7" Nanao Nao. This version of Nao is so much more of a tired badass than Sora/Nao's Nao, who stays more true to her canon self. 

It's also twice as long. Yeet.

Tobi and Sora have had growing feelings since their first year and Mokichi and Nao are fucking suffering with these stupid gays.

They were friends at first, and it really was just pure platonic feelings. It started to turn into something more a little after the first Taiei game, but Sora is shy and a certified disaster and Tobi is way too emotionally constipated for either of them to do anything about it.

Tobi I love you but you're a fucking mess.

Tobi actually got kicked out by his "father" in large part for being bisexual, and therefore wants absolutely nothing to do with growing feelings for tiny cute short teammate, nope nope no thank you-

But basically, Tobi has known he's bi for a while now, and while he's having some acceptance problems, he's not having the "OH GOD I'M GAY" panic

Sora has not known, and he's having a panic in the background because "I'm attracted to guys?!"

Sora starts realizing what's going on some time in second year, and Momoharu takes one look at the panicking Sora and goes "aight the fuck happened to you?"

You will have to pry their friendship from my cold dead hands and I'm not sorry. I love Momoharu and Sora's dynamic. 

Sora eventually confesses to Momoharu (after a lot of prodding) that he thinks he's turning gay, and Momoharu immediately starts laughing. Sora, hurt and feeling very stupid, goes to run, but Momoharu tugs him back down to sit and tells him, "Jesus, Sora, you don't turn gay. You either identify as gay or you don't. Sorry for scaring you, the concept of turning gay is just... oddly funny. Don't worry about it dude, I'm pansexual."

"...Pansexual?" Sora asks nervously.

"Yup, I'm attracted to all people regardless of gender. Men, women, people who don't fit either -- I don't much care. Gender doesn't really factor into whether or not I'm attracted to people."

"You can be attracted to multiple genders?" Sora asks, eyes wide.

Oh boy, Momoharu thinks. Poor kid. "Yeah, folks who are attracted to just men and women are called bisexual. Homosexual is the official word for those who are only attracted to their own gender, but gay or lesbian is usually used. Heterosexual is for those only attracted to the opposite gender. Of course, the lines aren't as clear set as those labels suggest they are. Sexuality is fucky, dude. Don't worry about not having it figured out. I only decided on a label a few months back, myself. Some people just choose not to label it at all."

That makes Sora feel better, and he takes to talking to Momoharu about it quite a bit.

At one point, Sora brings up how the team would react, especially since they share a locker room. Momoharu just gives him a deadpan look and then says in the flattest voice ever, "Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man." That gets a laugh out of Sora and makes him feel a lot better.

As it turns out, this was word for word Chiaki's reaction to Momoharu being nervous about coming out to the team back in their first year.

It is also, word for word, Chiaki's response to Sora coming out to him going "I'm sorry I hope this doesn't make things awkward-"

Momoharu laughs hysterically when Chiaki pulls the exact same face he did and says in the exact same deadpan tone, "Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man." Sora also stares at Chiaki for about ten seconds in silence, then doubles over laughing. Chiaki is so confused until Momoharu explains. 

However, this does mean that Momoharu has to deal with the brunt of Sora's "TOBI DID A THING HOLY SHIT" rants for the rest of the year, even though he denies that Tobi is the one he was attracted to if ever asked.

Momoharu, rubbing his forehead: Chiaki the baby gays are being stupid what do I do

Chiaki: I'm a straight so unfortunately I don't think I can help here?

Momoharu: Ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tobi is freaking out in the background because "oh no gay feelins oh no soft feelins fuck what do I do????"

His aunt: Kid, please calm down, you'll be fine.

Tobi, putting a groove in the floor with his pacing: NO I WON'T WHA' IF 'E FINDS OUT WHAT IF THIS RUINS THA TEAM DYNAMIC WHAT IF 'E 'ATES ME-

Accent go yeet when upset!

She holds him while he panics and lets him curl into her, and then makes his favorite foods and puts on a movie and cuddles with him, and once he's asleep, she calls her brother-in-law with every intent of murder because how dare you make this child feel so unloved?

Anyway, Tobi eventually comes to accept himself and his sexuality in full thanks to her, the team, and Juri. It's primarily just a thing of time and needing to have more conversations where he's open about it and accepted by people he cares about. 

Poor Sora still isn't totally comfortable with being gay? And a month or so into his third year, he comes out to Nao and later Mokichi. They make him feel much better, but the final piece is actually Tobi himself. Tobi finds Sora having a breakdown in the locker rooms and holds him to help him calm down and pushes him to talk about it, and Sora finally tells Tobi he's queer.

And Tobi, having been through this struggle before, just kind of pulls him into a hug and says, "Well, tha' makes two o' us" and Sora goes "wHAT" and Tobi tells him he's bisexual. Tobi does not pry about who made Sora realize he's queer, because it's personal and touchy, and he respects that.

That does, however, extend the mutual bullshit period.

But also: 

Sora: oH MY GOD HE'S GAY HE'S GAY HE'S GAY I'M-

Tobi: 'E's. 'E's Bi. Deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths just don' panic and ask 'im out that's a bad plan-

Tobi that's actually how you deal with romantic feelings like a functional human being but sure, go off. 

Tobi comes out to Nao and Mokichi with Sora's support shortly after that, and their reactions are, respectively: "NICE!" "Cool." and then Nao tackles Tobi in a hug that is the start of a big grouphug. 

There's lots of hugging and crying (the latter is Nao and Sora and a little bit of Mokichi), and Tobi will vehemently deny that he cried at all, but a few tears got out.

(Lbr Tobi's gay pining for Sora was Not Subtle, so they already knew, but they don't tell him that for a while. When they do tell him, he's gotten to the point where he just stares at them blankly for a moment and then groans rather than flipping out. Mokichi chuckles quietly and Nao just outright laughs at him.)

But anyway, both of these Absolute Idiots are still crushing on each other, and everyone is suffering.

Actually, scratch "crushing,” it's moved into full-blown pining now.

Sora eventually also accepts that, alright, he has a big crush on Tobi. Tobi, their ace. Tobi, one of his best friends. Tobi, one of the best wings in all of Japan. Tobi, who is ridiculously attractive. Tobi, who looks like an actual bush when he doesn't tie his hair back somehow, because his hair is insanely (and adorably) frizzy and voluminous. Tobi, who will whoop at the top of his lungs and grin like a maniac because he just pulled off a fantastic drive and double-clutch, even though he's exhausted and soaked in sweat and they're four minutes into overtime. Tobi, who makes the cutest face with the sweetest smile Sora has ever seen when he talks to his sister. (Tobi, who is a boy, and Sora has stopped caring.)

Sora even stops denying that he likes Tobi after a little bit, and Momoharu is just in the background going, "good job, it only took you two entire years to figure that out."

Sora: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

Momoharu: Okay but have you considered: No. Absolutely not. 

Anyway Tobi mostly complains/gay rants to Nao and sometimes Mokichi, and at this point, even Juri is slightly sick of her brother talking about "our amazin' point guard." Yer not subtle, Anchan????

Except it eventually moves from "wow he's amazin' but NO I do not 'ave a crush on 'im" to "oh my God I am SO gay," and then later it moves to a more resigned gay panic. ("Nnnnnnghhhhh I nearly fuckin' kissed 'im after practice today what do I do-")

Nao is trying to bully both of them into confessing, but neither will take the first step, not because of pride, but because they're scared. (Nao is. So. Done. Even if she sympathizes, it has been two years of this bullcrap please-)

Tobi, especially, is afraid of losing everything again after his nasty stepdad booted him out.

Sora is like "that is one of my closest friends, and given this team's stability record I am Not Poking That Mess With A Long Stick."

Momoharu, who is the one he says this to, is just kinda like, "Yeah I can't really argue with that, as much I want you to confess."

Nao, later, having been subjected to a similar rant, after he said "closest friend" instead of "a dude": HE'S GROWING UP KANAME-KUN I'M TEARING UP-

Mokichi is far too tired of everything to interfere, which is fair.

Juri badgers Tobi for a solid four weeks before he admits what's really going on, and then it kind of all comes spilling out, and she encourages him to confess to Sora, but he's still reluctant.

Nao also bluntly says, "Kenji-kun's family abandoned him, Sora-kun, and it may be because he's the words ‘problem child' given physical form, but it may be because he's queer. If you want to work this out, I think you'll need to take the first step." 

(Tobi told the team about his past late first year/early second year. Crying happened and everyone basically group-tackle-hugged Tobi, and he finally got the hugs he very much needed and definitely deserved.)

And Sora angsts over that for a while until Chiaki very simply says, "Do you want things between the two of you to change?" And Sora realizes that yes, he does, he doesn't want things to stay the same, he wants to hold Tobi's hand and go on dates and call each other at weird hours for the sake of it and hold each other until they fall asleep and kiss him and -- well, you get the idea.

So he works up the courage, and it's one night some months before the national tournament when Sora asks Tobi to stay behind with him for extra practice. Sora is really nervous, and Tobi is like "??? Sure? Are ya okay?"

Sora, voice cracking: yEaH I'M FINE

Anyway, Sora misses like a solid sixty percent of his shots that practice and Tobi is. So confused.

Tobi to Mokichi: Did. Did somethin' happen.

Mokichi just shrugs, which does not make Tobi feel better.

So Tobi stays behind all the others to talk with Sora, and they're both really nervous. Obviously, Sora is about to confess, and Tobi is just so confused, and also some small part of him is going, "oh God did he figure out I like 'im????"

Nao and Mokichi kicked all the first and second years out after just an hour of individual practice, and Sora is grateful but also, "guys please don't make me confront my problems."

Nao: "Sora-kun if we waited for you to deal with this we'd be here 'till sunrise."

Mokichi, tiredly: "No, we'd be here until we turned old and gray."

Sora asks Tobi to sit with him while blushing, and Tobi complies, still very puzzled.

They make small talk for a minute, and then Sora abruptly says, "Kenji-kun... I... I think I have a crush on you".

Tobi gapes at him like a fish, opening and closing his mouth for a solid minute, and eventually, Sora.exe unfreezes and goes, "Sorry, I-" and Tobi just goes, "Fer real? Ya aren't prankin' me again?" in a surprisingly quiet voice.

And Sora is mildly offended but knows that's a fair assumption given their track record of prank wars, and he also almost wants to use the excuse Tobi has handily provided, but he just stands and goes "I'm sorry, I should leave-"

And Tobi leaps to his feet, grabs his hand, and says flat out, "Sora, I've 'ad a crush on ya since first year."

And Sora just kinda… short circuits. "Wait, really?"

Tobi just kinda rubs the back of his neck (shyly? Tobi gets shy?) and goes, "Yeah, I... I kinda only admitted it in tha middle a' second year, though."

And Sora says slowly, "You... you like me. You like me!" He laughs, relieved. "Holy shit, I was so scared you were going to reject me and it was going to ruin everything--"

And Tobi is just going oh my God, he's adorable, I can't deal with him, and takes Sora's chin in one hand and asks quietly, "Sora, can I kiss ya?" Sora's eyes, predictably, go wide, and he nods. (And please take a moment to recall and appreciate the fact that Tobi is canonically an entire foot taller than Sora. Sora is 149 cm (4'10.7) and Tobi is 178 (5'10.1). This is fantastic because I will bet actual money that this height difference has not shrunk; if anything, it has grown.)

They kiss just as the entire team bursts into the gym. Turns out, they were watching the whole thing, and honestly, none of them look that ashamed; they put up with the pair's bullshit for this long, they're invested now, and they deserved to know what happened.

"ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, THIS IS REVENGE FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS OF USELESS GAY PINING," Nao yells. "KANAME-KUN, EVERYONE -- GRAB THEM!"

And the team lifts the yelling and protesting couple above their heads as Sora loudly objects and Tobi swears at them. The first years learn some creative new insults. The second and third years, on the other hand, are very accustomed to Tobi by this point, and aren't remotely surprised, but -- oh, haven't heard that one before, actually, says a second year. The others mutter assent. 

We have, Mokichi grouches. We third years have heard them all. 

Sora is small and easily hauled around, and Tobi is also pretty helpless when being held up above the heads of Mokichi and their first-year center. So they can’t really like... do anything about being dragged around.

Nao leads the team forward like an army, and they march to the pool to drop the two of them in, and when they resurface, fully clothed and soaked to the bone, Sora is laughing hysterically. (Assume Sora learned to swim at some point.)

Tobi is groaning, but he's grinning, and he swims over to the side of the pool -- and grabs Nao and Mokichi's ankles and drags them in, both of them yelling.

And Sora thinks, with Nao yelling in irritation but a sparkle in her eyes and a grin she's failing to fight off, with Mokichi laughing quietly as he flings his wet bangs out of his eyes, with Tobi laughing hysterically, his hair slicked back by water, with the four of them wearing all of their clothes and soaked to the bone, their entire team yanking off their shirts to jump into the pool with them and the moon and stars shining overhead, that he's never been happier.

And Tobi turns to him and grins, and Sora can't keep himself from jumping at Tobi -- who catches him, startled -- and kissing him again.  

And, like, hey, Tobi isn't about to complain.

They take about two months to settle into things, and then it's just like... I'm sorry, who thought letting Kurumatani "Embodiment of Chaos" and Natsume "Biggest Problem Child Ever" Kenji date was a good idea?????

It's a bit awkward for a while because they're still feeling things out and figuring out what they're both comfortable with, but then they finally click, and it's... pure fucking chaos.  

Sora will not stop stealing Tobi's clothes and Tobi is not happy about it, mostly because -- Sora, if ya keep stealin' my clothes while I am in the changin' room, then I do not 'ave clothes to wear ya stupid chibi--

Tobi has stormed into the gym shirtless at least twice yelling, "SORA! GIVE BACK MY FUCKIN' SHIRT!"

Listen. Listen we have a total of three scenes of Tobi being shirtless, and two of them were in front of plenty of people. Tobi is many things, but body shy is not one of them. He wouldn't care. 

(Post-Kitasumi loss, post-Shinjo loss, and that one scene of him dribbling in a park or something at night with an audience. The night before they played Taiei.)

Tobi: Are ya ever jus' tryin' to figure out where all yer clothes have gotten ta and then ya turn ‘round and see 'em all on yer dumbass tiny boyfriend?

Sora, clearly utterly unapologetic, wearing Tobi's sweatshirt: Oops. 

Chiaki, probably: SOME OF US ARE SINGLE STOP RUBBING IT IN.

As mentioned before, Sora is canonically 149 cm (~4'10.7), and Tobi is 178 cm (~5'10.1). There's a 29-centimeter difference, almost an entire foot, and frankly, that difference has grown a few centimeters, and you bet Tobi is going to abuse the shit out of this.

He literally holds things Sora wants over Sora's head all the time and Sora hates it. Like yes, Tobi did this before they dated too, but now Tobi is doing it more just to be annoying. It's also the only way Tobi can keep his clothes out of Sora's hands whenever they aren't on Tobi's person. (It's kind of hard to steal a shirt when someone is wearing it.) 

"THIS IS ABUSE!"

"Me holdin' m' own jacket above m' head so that ya can't steal it from me isn't abuse, it’s self-preservation! It’s like -20 degrees out there, Sora, use yer own jacket!"

I personally headcanon Tobi shooting up like a weed, but whether he did or not, he's probably between 180 and 190 now (5'11 and 6'3). Meanwhile, Sora is like maybe 155-60. It is possible that Sora also shoots up, but I feel like he would hit 165 at most. That would have him growing 16 cm, which is 8 inches, so. That's a lot of inches to grow in two and a half years. 

The things Tobi holds above his head are mostly his own clothes and also food items, plus the occasional basketball.

He also sometimes will nab Sora's clothes and hold them up in the air just to get back at him. Sora will be leaping up in the air, trying to reach his clothes, while Tobi stands there with a shit-eating grin holding Sora's shirt over his head. It looks so stupid. Nao and Mokichi both have multiple videos of it. (Nao has like five.) (What? She suffered, alright? Let her have this blackmail, at least.)

Sora: :( My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips, what should I do?

Momoharu: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Nao: Tackle him.

Chiaki: Dump him.

Mokichi: Kick him in the shin.

Tobi: NO TO ALL A' THOSE, JUST ASK ME TA LEAN DOWN!

Nao and Mokichi and Momoharu and Chiaki and Madoka and literally all of their friends are still giving them a hard time for being useless gays and taking two and half years to deal with their feelings even five years later. They're never going to live it down.

As adults, juggling careers and their growing relationship is hard.

They both go to universities in Tokyo, thankfully, and don't have to do long distance, and get an apartment together in their third year.

Tobi probably joins the B.League, and maybe Sora does too. (I dunno, I'm not committing to anything with career HCs.)

If they do, they have to keep their relationship secret; it would be a huge deal to be gay athletes in Japan (or... anywhere.) Most of their teammates know, though. Like... Sora regularly shows up to practice in Tobi's sweatshirts.

The sexual tension whenever they play each other is intense, though.

(My pet headcanon for Tobi is actually him going to university in America and joining the NBA. While I want to do that with Sora too, the mangaka apparently turned down two anime deals because they ended with Sora in the NBA. I haven't fact-checked that, though.)

They're around 25 when the world as a whole finds out. It either comes out because one of them is like, "hey babe do ya wanna just come out? We have enough money to retire if this goes south," "Oh sure," or because they mess up so drastically that people figure it out. After all, it would take a lot to break past the "they're such good friends!" mentality of sports reporters. Like seriously. These two are not subtle. They can let heteronormativity do most of the work for them, in all honesty. 

Anyway, it comes out, and the media goes into an uproar, and they retreat to visit Sora's dad in Nagano without telling anyone except their coaches and closest friends where they've holed up and just let the world burn while they enjoy tea and the view of the mountains and avoid social media like the plague. 

Assuming it was planned:

Tobi, the day before coming out, on his official twitter: I'll be doing a no-electronics retreat with my partner for two weeks, so I won't be on social media. Enjoy your week!

Or possibly the way he came out, besides their official announcement on Sora's account, was just "I'll be doing a no-electronics retreat with my boyfriend, @KurumataniOfficial, for the next two weeks. Bye y'all, have a good two weeks! :)" because that has Tobi's chaotic energy.

Edit: Actually? I take that back. SORA would do that. That has SORA'S chaotic energy.

When people get homophobic, all of their friends -- high school, college, adult life -- are immediately down to throw hands. 

The Japanese highschool circle of people who went professional is small and pretty close-knit, and the NBA and B.League sides are quite close to each other as well. Shiraishi and Fuwa, who are both in the NBA, both riot when people attack their old acquaintances from high school. I personally headcanon Fuwa as a raging chaotic bi, because -- hair. Yozan, for that matter, is also pretty pissed off. 

Fuwa probably gets on twitter and goes, "What's this bullshit about them being gay???? Of course they're gay. Have you ever seen them interact for more than two seconds??? Are you blind??? Wait, nope. Sorry. Don't want to insult blind people. ARE YOU ACTUALLY THAT DUMB????"

Momoharu tweets," 'Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man' --My twin Chiaki, and Sora and Tobi's HS teammate, upon them coming out in HS" and first Sora's teammates start retweeting it and then Tobi's and then every single one of both their teams’ members retweets it. It's fantastic. 

Then Shiraishi (who, again, is in the NBA) retweets it, and it goes completely viral. Chiaki is so happy but also really pissed that it's Momoharu's account. 

Momoharu ribs him about it for a solid three weeks just to be obnoxious. 

There's actually no one on either of their teams that didn't already know about the relationship. Again, they're not subtle together. If there was any drama, it was presumably resolved by getting rid of the homophobe. 

Anyway, so while shit hits the fan, Sora and Tobi just shelter in place and their friends all react by going to war, which both of them are a bit taken aback by, but like, they aren't complaining about it. They're both touched actually.  

For marriage, honestly, neither one of them proposes in any fancy manner; they probably decided to get married because the topic comes up due to taxes. Sora goes, "Hey, do you think we should get married? The taxes would be cheaper," without really thinking about it, and Tobi goes, "Honestly, if it means everyone will stop badgerin' us about 'tyin' the knot' or whatever, I vote we elope," and that's that. Some two hours later while making dinner, Sora goes, "HOLY SHIT WAIT ARE WE ENGAGED?" and Tobi, who was reading, stares at him for three seconds, processes that, and slowly goes, "...I guess? Yeah, I guess we are. Wow. We did that." 

Sora slams his head on the table and Tobi just very tiredly says, "babe, no, ya need those brain cells." 

Assume gay marriage is by this point legal and accepted.

When asked how they got engaged, everyone is just like, "THAT'S SO ANTICLIMACTIC?????" This is also the media's reaction.

Interviewer: Why did you and Natsume-san decide to get married?

Sora, shrugging: Taxes are easier with your partner when you're married.

But they went to get rings together on their tenth anniversary shortly after deciding to get married, and if that isn't sappy as hell, I don't know what is. 

They probably don't wait long for the wedding and don't bother making it a huge thing; they invite all their friends, hire some folks to keep the media out no matter what, and hire a few people to film it and figure they can share that footage later. ("I am not havin' the media at my weddin' that is a private event for friends and family -" "Love, I am not arguing with you, I don't want them there either???")

Nao will be best woman for one of them at the wedding, and you bet she will give them so much shit for being disasters back in high school in her speech.

Juri, who by that point is like 20 something, because the disaster gays don't get married till they're at least 28 to 30, is either Tobi's best woman or playing some significant role in the wedding. She also roasts her brother and brother-in-law. 

Tobi and Juri are definitely half-siblings, just in terms of time. He looked five or six when his biodad died, and she seems about the same age, meaning there's a ten-year gap. 

Also, it's implied in the manga, so. 

The newly-weds are just sitting there groaning as their friends/family members roast them, but they're both grinning. 

The vows are probably really, really sappy, and Tobi can claim it's Sora's fault as much as he wants, but he's honestly also kind of a sap too and all his friends know it.

Tobi's stepdad is not invited. In fact, Tobi goes out of his way to send an edited version of the invitation to him that basically says, "Wedding! You're not invited!" while Sora and Juri die of laughter in the background. His mother does come, though -- she eventually moved out following the "her younger sister stormed in boiling with righteous fury on behalf of her son" incident. While the couple never got a divorce, they haven't spoken in years. 

The invitees are actually mostly friends, not family. While Sora's dad, grandma, and extended family come, Tobi's only present family are his sister, his aunt, his mother, and his biodad's brother (and the brother's wife and kids.) But they have hundreds of friends there; Nao, Mokichi, Momoharu, Chiaki, Madoka, Yasu, Chukie, Nabe, their kouhai from their second and third years, Satsuki with his wife and two kids, Shiraishi, Fuwa, Yozan, Mineta, Yakku, Nino, Tarou, both of their professional teams and all the team staff, the national team that they played with, Sakamaki, Yuka and Tomohisa’s friends, Madoka's older sister, their college teammates and classmates -- the list literally just doesn't stop. For like. Days. That guest list was the hardest part of the wedding, actually.

The symbol they use on the invitations is a dragon. Momoharu and Nao both cry when they see the nod to the Kuzuryu team. (Chiaki does not cry, he claims. Momoharu calls bullshit, and Momoharu is, for once, completely right.) 

The cake has wing patterns curving up the sides; one kite wing with a healed injury, and a duck wing in front of the silhouette of an eagle wing. ("I'm sappy, Ken, sue me." "Actually, I think that's adorable, so go ahead.") 

The healed injury was Tobi's idea, though. Sora was confused, but Tobi explained that Sora and Kuzuryu brought him back to basketball as a team sport, and healed him from the pain of being pushed away from his family. Sora cries.

The shadow of the eagle wing was also Tobi's idea. He says "I agree that yer a duck because I love ya to pieces but yer still short as shit-" "Oi." "-but I also think ya learned how to fly in yer own right. Swimmin' and duckin' be damned. Ya fly on the court, Sora." 

Sora does not cry again. He does not. ("Sure ya didn't." "SHUT UP KEN-") (He definitely teared up a little, because Tobi is looking at him with a soft smile and the most affectionate look in his eyes, and holy shit, I love him, and I'm going to marry him????

They go to Nagano and Hiroshima to visit their parents' graves after the wedding. Both of them are sappy about it. "I wish you could have met him" speeches, basically, while the other stands out of earshot.

They then proceed to screw off to Hawaii on a honeymoon for two weeks, since it's the offseason. 

Either they combine their names, or Tobi takes Sora's last name.

I feel like Tobi would, just to spite his stepdad. I'm pretty sure Natsume is his stepdad's last name, since Tobi is seen wearing a helmet that is probably his dad's in a flashback, and it has a different name on it. Might've been a company name, though. Idk.

Sora is maybe crying when they change the nameplate on their Tokyo apartment to read "Kurumatani-Natsume Sora and Kurumatani-Natsume Kenji" because "holy shit that's my fucking husband!!!!!"

And Tobi just laughs and wraps his arms around him and drags him down onto the couch to hold him, and Sora thinks that life is good. Very good. 

And if Nao and Mokichi and Momoharu and Chiaki and Madoka and Juri and crew all crash their place five seconds later, well, Sora thinks, that just makes it better. 

wow! if you made it through this entire thing i am grateful to you for reading! and lowkey impressed because this is almost 5000 words. see my Ahiru No Sora Headcanons tag for more! there is also a Sora/Nao relationship headcanons post.

[ddudumemes]

CRYBABY SENTENCE STARTERS

(( collection of ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY sentence starters taken from MELANIE MARTINEZ’S first studio album ‘ CRYBABY ’ . ))

001.  CRYBABY  . ‘  you  seem  to  replace  your  brain  with  your  heart  .  ’ ‘  you  take  things  so  hard  and  then  you  fall  apart  .  ’ ‘  your  heart’s  too  big  for  your  body  .  ’ ‘  it  won’t  fit  inside  .  ’ ‘  they  call  you  crybaby  .  ’ ‘  you  don’t  fucking  care  .  ’ ‘  you  laugh  through  your  tears  .  ’ ‘  you’ll  just  let  them  drown  .  ’ ‘  you’re  all  on  your  own  .  ’ ‘  you’ve  lost  all  your  friends  .  ’ ‘  it’s  not  you  ,  it’s  them  .  ’ ‘  you’re  one  of  a  kind  and  no  one  understands  .  ’ ‘  i  look  at  you  and  i  see  myself  .  ’ ‘  i  know  you  better  than  anyone  else  .  ’ ‘  your  tears  are  mine  .  ’ ‘  they  call  me  crybaby  .  ’ ‘  i  don’t  fucking  care  .  ’ ‘  i  laugh  through  my  tears  .  ’ ‘  i  just  let  them  drown  .  ’

002.  DOLLHOUSE  . ‘  we’ll  be  a  perfect  family  .  ’ ‘  please  ,  wake  up  ..  ’ ‘  no  one  ever  listens  .  ’ ‘  everyone  thinks  that  we’re  perfect  .  ’ ‘  i  see  things  that  nobody  else  sees  .  ’ ‘  go  back  to  being  plastic  .  ’

003.  SIPPY  CUP  . ‘  blood  still  stains  when  the  sheets  are  washed  .  ’ ‘  sex  don’t  sleep  when  the  lights  are  off  .  ’ ‘  syrup  is  still  syrup  in  a  sippy  cup  .  ’ ‘  he’s  still  dead  .  ’ ‘  of  course  ,  it’s  a  corpse  that  you  keep  in  the  cradle  .  ’ ‘  how  did  you  afford  this  ring  ??  ’ ‘  he  doesn’t  think  i’m  that  fucking  dumb  ,  does  he  ??  ’ ‘  if  they  give  you  a  new  pill  then  you  will  buy  it  .  ’ ‘  if  they  say  to  kill  yourself  then  you  will  try  it  .  ’ ‘  all  the  make - up  in  the  world  won’t  make  you  less  insecure  .  ’

004.  CAROUSEL  . ‘  will  i  catch  up  to  love  ??  i  can  never  tell  .  ’ ‘  chasing  after  you  is  like  a  fairytale  .  ’ ‘  come  take  my  hand  .  ’ ‘  it’s  all  fun  and  games  til  somebody  falls  in  love  .  ’ ‘  there’s  no  turning  back  now  .  ’ ‘  it’s  like  you  disappear  .  ’ ‘  where’d  you  go  ??  ’ ‘  you’re  a  freak show  .  ’ ‘  why  did  you  steal  my  cotton  candy  heart  ??  ’

005.  ALPHABET  BOY  . ‘  you  build  me  up  like  building  blocks  just  so  you  can  bring  me  down  .  ’ ‘  you’ll  never  catch  me  cry  .  ’ ‘  fuck  your  degree  .  ’ ‘  you  think  you’re  smarter  than  me  .  ’ ‘  i’m  not  a  little  kid  now  .  ’ ‘  are  you  smarter  than  me  now  ??  ’ ‘  you  call  me  a  child  .  ’ ‘  you’re  not  my  daddy  ,  and  i’m  not  your  dolly  .  ’

006.  SOAP  . ‘  guess  i  better  wash  my  mouth  out  with  soap  .  ’ ‘  i  think  i  left  the  faucet  running  .  ’ ‘  i’m  tired  of  being  careful  .  ’ ‘  let  me  under  your  skin  .  ’ ‘  i  said  too  much  .  ’ ‘  why  do  i  always  spill  ??  ’ ‘  i  feel  it  coming  up  my  throat  .  ’ ‘  god  ,  i  wish  i  never  spoke  .  ’ ‘  think  i  got  myself  in  trouble  .  ’ ‘  i  should’ve  never  said  the  world  “  love  ”  .  ’ ‘  i’m  sick  of  all  the  game  i  have  to  play  .  ’

007.  TRAINING  WHEELS  . ‘  i  carry  band-aids  on  me  now  .  ’ ‘  i  love  everything  you  do  .  ’ ‘  call  me  fucking  dumb  for  the  stupid  shit  i  do  .  ’ ‘  i’m  telling  you  things  you  already  know  .  ’ ‘  it’s  not  like  i’m  asking  to  be  your  wife  .  ’ ‘  i  wanna  make  you  mine  ,  but  that’s  hard  to  say  .  ’ ‘  is  this  coming  of  in  a  cheesy  way  ??  ’

008.  PITY  PARTY  . ‘  did  my  invitations  disappear  ??  ’ ‘  tell  me  why  the  hell  no  one  is  here  !!  ’ ‘  tell  me  what  to  do  to  make  it  all  feel  better  .  ’ ‘  maybe  it’s  a  cruel  joke  on  me  .  ’ ‘  it’s  my  party  and  i’ll  cry  if  i  want  to  .  ’ ‘  i’ll  cry  until  the  candles  burn  down  this  place  .  ’ ‘  i’ll  cry  until  my  pity  party’s  in  flames  .  ’ ‘  i’m  laughing  ,  i’m  crying  .  it  feels  like  i’m  dying  .  ’ ‘  i’m  dying  .  ’

009.  TAG  ,  YOU’RE  IT  . ‘  let  me  take  you  for  a  joy  ride  .  ’ ‘  he  chased  me  and  he  wouldn’t  stop  .  ’ ‘  tag  ,  you’re  it  .  ’ ‘  he  grabbed  my  hand  and  pushed  me  down  .  ’ ‘  can  anybody  hear  me  when  i’m  hidden  underground  ??  ’ ‘  can  anybody  hear  me  ??  am  i  talking  to  myself  ??  ’ ‘  i  can  taste  your  skin  in  my  teeth  .  ’ ‘  your  mother  said  to  pick  the  very  best  girl  .  and  i  am  .  ’

010.  MILK  AND  COOKIES  . ‘  baby  ,  won’t  you  lock  the  door  ??  ’ ‘  i’m  done  with  this  .  ’ ‘  it’s  getting  late  ,  so  close  your  eyes  ,  sleep  for  days  .  ’ ‘  i’m  fucking  crazy  .  ’ ‘  honey  ,  do  you  want  me  now  ??  ’ ‘  need  to  put  you  to  bed  .  ’ ‘  sing  you  a  lullaby  ,  where  you  die  at  the  end  .  ’ ‘  i  never  want  to  see  you  again  .  ’ ‘  next  time  you’re  alone  ,  think  twice  when  you  grab  the  phone  .  ’

011.  PACIFY  HER  . ‘  now  i  can  take  her  man  .  ’ ‘  someone  told  me  “  stay  away  from  things  that  aren’t  yours  ”  .  ’ ‘  but  was  he  yours  if  he  wanted  me  so  bad  ??  ’ ‘  she’s  getting  on  my  nerves  .  ’ ‘  you  don’t  love  her  .  ’ ‘  stop  lying  with  those  words  .  ’ ‘  i  can’t  stand  her  whining  .  ’ ‘  loving  her  seems  tiring  .  ’ ‘  just  love  me  down  .  ’

012.  MRS  POTATO  HEAD  . ‘  pretty  soon  you’ll  get  bored  of  it  .  ’ ‘  if  you  wanna  feel  sexual  ,  you  can  always  call  up  a  professional  .  ’ ‘  don’t  be  dramatic  ,  it’s  only  some  plastic  .  ’ ‘  no  one  will  love  you  if  you’re  unattractive  .  ’ ‘  is  it  true  that  pain  is  beauty  ??  ’ ‘  will  a  pretty  face  make  it  better  ??  ’ ‘  how  did  you  afford  her  surgery  ??  ’ ‘  do  you  swear  you’ll  stay  forever  ??  ’ ‘  little  girls  are  learning  how  to  cut  and  paste  ,  and  pucker  up  their  lips  until  they  suffocate  .  ’

013.  MAD  HATTER  . ‘  my  friends  don’t  walk  they  run  .  ’ ‘  popping  balloons  with  guns  ,  getting  high  off  helium  .  ’ ‘  this  dream  is  a  killer  .  ’ ‘  i  really  hate  being  safe  .  ’ ‘  tell  the  psychiatrist  something  is  wrong  .  ’ ‘  you  like  me  best  when  i’m  off  my  rocker  .  ’ ‘  i’m  not  alarmed  .  ’ ‘  so  what  if  i’m  crazy  ??  the  best  people  are  .  ’ ‘  where  is  my  prescription  ??  ’ ‘  my  brain  is  scattered  .  ’

014.  PLAY  DATE  . ‘  you  feel  so  far  away  .  ’ ‘  nobody’s  home  .  ’ ‘  it’s  just  me  and  you  .  ’ ‘  it’s  getting  hard  to  breathe  .  ’ ‘  i’m  tired  of  always  chasing  after  you  .  ’ ‘  i  don’t  give  a  fuck  about  you  anyways  .  ’ ‘  who  ever  said  i  gave  a  shit  about  you  ??  ’ ‘  i  wish  i  had  monopoly  over  your  mind  .  ’ ‘  i  wish  i  didn’t  care  all  the  time  .  ’ ‘  i  never  know  what  you  need  .  ’ ‘  i  wanna  give  you  what  you  need  .  ’ ‘  you  know  i  give  a  fuck  about  you  .  ’ ‘  guess  it’s  time  that  i  tell  you  the  truth  .  ’ ‘  will  you  let  me  stay  ??  ’

015.  TEDDY  BEAR  . ‘  gave  you  love  ,  put  my  heart  inside  you  .  ’ ‘  when  you  started  talking  in  your  sleep  ,  saying  things  you’d  do  to  me  ,  i  didn’t  care  .  i  wasn’t  scared  .  ’ ‘  i  wasn’t  scared  .  ’ ‘  i’m  finding  knives  under  the  sheets  .  ’ ‘  i’m  in  despair  .  ’ ‘  should  i  be  scared  ??  ’ ‘  you  were  my  teddy  bear  .  ’ ‘  you  were  comforting  and  quiet  .  ’ ‘  how  did  love  become  so  violent  ??  ’ ‘  everything  was  so  sweet  ,  until  you  tried  to  kill  me  .  ’ ‘  i  just  didn’t  know  you  .  ’ ‘  it’s  so  terrifying  ,  how  you  paralyse  me  .  ’ ‘  now  you’re  showing  up  inside  my  home  .  ’ ‘  i’m  fucking  scared  .  ’

016.  CAKE  . ‘  your  kiss  is  sugary  sweet  .  ’ ‘  i  feel  like  i’m  just  missing  something  whenever  you  leave  .  ’ ‘  we’ve  got  all  the  ingredients  except  you  loving  me  .  ’ ‘  i’m  not  a  piece  of  cake  for  you  to  just  discard  .  ’ ‘  i’m  taking  back  what’s  mine  .  ’ ‘  you  taste  like  buttercream  .  ’ ‘  you’ve  got  all  the  ingredients  except  you  needing  me  .  ’ ‘  if  i’m  just  a  piece  of  cake  ,  then  you’re  just  a  piece  of  meat  .  ’

[faemytho]

ds // onebizarrekai

so uh. tobin has some really nice headcanons.

tags: transphobia, homophobia, implied sexual assault, implied murder, coming out story, internal misgendering, unintentional misgendering

this is also very unedited bc im Tired, gay, and pls look at these trans boys i love them

-------------

The seed of a thought first planted itself when Dream had talked about her to the villagers. He'd been gesturing gently, spine ramrod straight and poised into the perfect picture of composure. A particularly nasty one yelled loud enough for Nightmare to hear.

"She's a witch, and she protects nothing but trouble!"

Nightmare had hidden under the covers the whole day after that, squishing her chest uncomfortably against the mattress and feeling sick to her stomach.

Dream didn't bother her.

----

She cursed, stumbling over the uneven pavement, her cape flying out behind her. Stupid fucking guards. Stupid fucking justice initiative. Where was her justice, huh?

"Did you think of that, Dream?" She muttered, slipping around a corner and inside the building she'd just rounded. She didn't stay long, fleeing out the back. She hated her voice, though she couldn't quite pinpoint why. She didn't exactly have time to either. You didn't have time to sit and dawdle when your best fucking friend was trying to hunt you down with his freaky ass wings and new glowing eyes and spouting off the same nonsense she'd heard from the villagers her whole life. She figured it was something that would happen, Dream turning against her, but she never thought he would go this far, to this degree. And it hurt.

Holding her breath, she pressed herself against the wall, peeking around the corner. Clear.

She'd live another day.

----

"Oh, Margaret, did you hear what happened at the Stonewall Inn?"

"Of course I did, everyone's heard of it by now."

Nightmare paused, listening in. She wasn't exactly sure why. But the two women sitting at the outside café said nothing else about it, and eventually went on their ways. Nightmare watched one of them reach out to squeeze the other's hand, gently, before they left. Lesbians, then. Not that Nightmare had a problem with them, but it was dangerous to be affectionate in public if you were queer.

She meant to forget about it, but Stonewall Inn nagged at her mind, and she went to go find it herself.

She learned a lot about herself that day.

----

Nightmare felt comfortable, for once. That was saying something. He hadn't felt very comfortable in his own body since that day in the village. At least the name 'Nightmare' wasn't gendered. He didn't want to change it.

He kept his hair long at first, only binding when he went out. He was proud of himself for even going this far in his presentation.

The first time it happened, the person was drunk and handsy, and Nightmare had frozen up, his skin crawling and no longer feeling like his own.

He cut his hair after that.

But it kept happening, more people, different places.

He didn't keep count.

----

How his skin prickled. Dream had caught him, but there were alarms going off, and for once it wasn't his fault. When all the guards left, he fled the cell, and ran right into a face he only just barely recognized.

"I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from JR!" He snapped, grabbing them by the hand and dragging them with him.

He'd met Cross that day. Cross didn't ask him questions. Cross was useful.

Most importantly, Cross was a friend, and when Nightmare came out to him, he understood.

Most of it.

Error was the same way.

----

"Yo, Night, your binder's clean."

"Thank fucking god, you're a lifesaver Error, my lifeblood," Nightmare declared, his voice still light and floaty, and in his opinion, undermining his very important announcement.

Error muttered obscenely under his breath, tossing the fabric at him haphazardly from where he sat buried on the couch in blankets. Cross sat on the floor in front of him, mashing the buttons on his controller and hardly paying attention. Error sat down next to him, and Nightmare took the opportunity to shuck his top off and slip the binder over his head.

"You really shouldn't wear it at home," Error muttered, not looking at him while he pulled his top back on.

"Where the fuck else am I gonna wear it? Running for my life? Can barely breathe correctly after that, y'know," Nightmare snarked back, reaching out to gently flick the back of Error's head. His friend gave a little start, before turning his head back to face him.

"Well," Error started, unsure of himself now. He crossed his arms, huffing. "Still."

Nightmare snorted, burrowing back underneath the blankets. Life was good.

----

"You are going to come quietly, and you will not make a fuss."

Dream looked strangely cruel in that moment, and Nightmare hated it, his aura flaring lowly. The guards behind him held his wrists behind his back, and the guards beside him gripped his forearms tightly. He'd given up on struggling, figuring that it'd just be easier go and break out later. Error and Cross had gotten away, after all. They'd come back for him.

Dream turned away from him, calling back to the guards.

"Make sure she's properly restrained."

Nightmare felt as though he'd been dunked in ice cold water. He hadn't been called 'she' for a long time. It sunk down his chest like a stone, growing heavier and heavier, and he was suddenly very aware of his binder around his chest.

Ink, by Dream's side, watched him. Not that he noticed.

----

"I'm not sure why you thought changing your appearance so drastically would keep me from finding you."

Nightmare huffed, glaring at Dream from behind the bars on the door. He sat on the bed provided, his knees pulled up to his chest. He'd never hated his body so much before.

"I'm not sure why how I choose to appear is any of your freaking business, Your Highness," he snarked, and Dream's stoic expression twitched momentarily into irritation.

"It hardly matters much now, Nightmare. You've always been this way," Dream sighed, turning away from the cell.

Nightmare put his head down, tears burning in the corners of his eyes.

"Guard her cell."

Dream's footsteps faded, and he was left alone with his thoughts, hoping Error and Cross would come soon.

They did.

They always did.

----

"You're trans, right?"

Nightmare stopped in his tracks. He knew it was dangerous to keep his back turned to Justice Reigns's top mercenary, but he was too shocked to do anything but freeze up.

A hand rested on his shoulder and he whacked it off, turning to look up into Ink's eyes.

"Why do you want to know?" He snapped, his voice that light and reedy tone he hated. Feminine. Not what he was.

"Figured it was worth asking." Ink shrugged, sliding his paint brush into the holder across his back. He shoved his hands in his pockets and Nightmare took a step back, tensing up. He didn't like how relaxed Ink was, half expecting an ambush from Justice Reigns guards.

"... Yes, I am. What's it to you?" He snapped, and he cringed silently, hating how high his voice was.

"Same hat. What pronouns?"

Nightmare stopped, blinking stupidly. "He, him. Why."

Ink shrugged again, a ghost of a smile twitching against his mouth. "You on hormones?"

"Uh, no? Nowhere to get them. Nowhere safe, at least." He gripped his staff tighter, knuckles turning white.

"I can fix that."

"You're not safe."

"You think Justice Reigns isn't safe?" Ink paused. "Don't answer that. My point is, I can get you hormones. I already get my own testosterone, nobody'll suspect if I'm the one to smuggle you some."

Nightmare breathed out slowly, hating the feeling of hope bubbling in his chest.

"I literally meant you, shitwit. Why would you help me anyways?"

"Not being able to pass isn't fun. It's free at Justice Reigns, you know. Binders, hormones, surgeries. All that shit. Not very 'just' to exclude you."

It didn't make sense to him, why Ink wanted to help. Maybe somewhere in there, Ink had made some alternate connection that Nightmare couldn't understand, because Ink had actually shown up the next week, handed him the case he said he would, and left. No ambush, no Justice Reigns guards, no Dream.

Life was great.

----

Life was, decidedly, not so great.

Dream stared down at him, eyes wide.

Calloused hands cupped his face, and Nightmare couldn't breathe, couldn't move as Dream's eyes flickered over his features, confused and uncertain. It was almost unbearable, seeing Dream without the spark of recognition in his eyes for him.

Nightmare coughed, and the sound came out deeper than it ever had before. His voice had changed, finally, thanks to the testosterone shots Ink was supplying him with. He didn't actually care who they were from, as long as he had them in the first place. Ink had been trustworthy in one regard.

"... Nightmare?" Dream started, and Nightmare took a step back, away from Dream's hands, reaching up to rub nervously at the stubble that had started to grow. Dream's gaze hardened.

"Nightmare-"

He fled.

Dream didn't chase him.

----

"Why wouldn't she tell me?"

"He."

"Why wouldn't he tell me?"

Ink shrugged, flopping on one of the couches in Dream's office and pulling out his phone.

"I mean, not like he could just waltz up to you and say 'hey Dream, guess what I'm trans', you know?"

Dream let out a long breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"And just how long have you been meeting up with her- him, to supply her- him, with these hormones?"

Ink snorted, looking vaguely amused at Dream's furious attempts to correct himself.

"A while now. I mean, dude's on the run, where else is he gonna get hormones he knows are safe?"

Dream sighed and dropped his head in his hands, slumping in his chair.

"I need to go through all his paperwork," he muttered, sounding vaguely horrified. Ink snickered, looking up from his phone.

"See? You're getting it."

----

"Stop him!"

Nightmare skidded around the corner, laughing gleefully and dodging a swipe from Ink's brush. Black paint splattered the wall beside him, and he hooked his staff into the building ahead of him and vaulted on top of it.

"Do not let him and his accomplices get away, Nightmare must be detained now."

From the rooftops, he could see Dream, giving orders in a voice that easily carried over the buildings. Dream caught his eye, and he grinned. He hadn't ever felt so euphoric before.

Dream raised a brow at his smile, a smile of his own rising from sheer disbelief. It made Nightmare cackle and continue running.

Error was just below, and Cross was fighting off the guards nearby.

"Nightmare man, c'mon!" Error shouted, ripping open a portal. Cackling still, Nightmare tumbled down from the roof, kicking against the wall and rolling to the ground. He knocked the last two guards over the heads and rushed for the portal.

"Nightmare, stop!"

"Shit," Cross swore, raising his knife and backing up slowly. Nightmare turned, and Dream stood there in the mouth of the alley.

"You can all come quietly, or we can take you back by force."

Nightmare snorted, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"Sorry, got plans and my boyfriends said I can't. Maybe you can take me out another time, though. Dinner and a movie?"

Error snorted and Cross burst out laughing, and Dream, to their surprise, huffed and sheathed his sword.

"Insufferable. Very well then," Dream spoke, his face carefully blank. "Though I am choosing the movie."

Nightmare sputtered, and Cross immediately hooked his arms underneath Nightmare's, proceeding to haul him back through the portal.

Dream let them go.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Seventy-Six

Words: 3.8k

Warning(s): Explicit language, explicit sexual situations, drug abuse, violence, domestic abuse

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I glance over as Emi starts on God, seeing her absentmindedly fumble with her cross as Mick listens intently, a small smile coming to my face. 

She's as enthusiastic about her beliefs as I am. It's a little more comforting having someone around that's on the same page as I am. 

That is until Nikki gets tired of hearing her go on and on about Christ. 

It's probably giving him flashbacks of conversations with Vanity. 

"Can you shut the fuck up?!" He yells back here to her, and she abruptly stops, looking at him. 

"Sixx, you're not even back here, just mind your own business." Mick boldly replies, too tired to fight about it. 

"What did you just say to me?" He cuts his eyes sharply. 

"He said mind your own business! It's not our fault your blood starts boiling and combusts into flames anytime someone mentions God! Shut up and deal with it and stop being a little bitch!" I state and he glares at me. 

A Jack Daniel's bottle is hurtling my way in no time, and I duck, causing it to hit Mick and Emi, soaking them in Jack. 

"Fuck you!" Nikki yells at me. "And you know what?! If God is so real why doesn't he just strike us out of the sky right fucking now?!" 

This sends Emi into a frenzy, grabbing her crucifix, praying, while Tommy and Vince join in on further terrorizing her, dropping their pants, along with Nikki, while they all shout on about how God needs to suck their dicks. 

I'd be offended if I knew God was. He's more than likely just looking down at them, shaking his head, wondering why he decided to create them in the first place when all they're doing is wasting their lives on booze, used pussy, and any drugs they can get their hands on. 

All the sudden, Tommy disappears into the pilots cabin, and within seconds we're doing a barrel roll, making Emi start screaming and crying. 

Once we get level, I'm taking a few deep breaths before coming to my feet. 

"Vivian." Fred scolds me, knowing what's coming, but I ignore him, marching to Nikki, Vince and Tommy, punching them both in the back of the head as hard as I can before slapping Vince with the same energy, Fred and Doc getting in the way before they can come back at me. 

"Fucking bitch!" Nikki barks at me. 

"Heard that one too many times, it's starting to bore me!" I bite back as Doc pulls me to the back of the plane. 

"See how boring my fingers around your neck are gonna be when I get ahold of you again!" He yells after me, Fred shoving him into a seat. 

"Maybe you'll kill me this time and do us both a favor!" I reply. 

"We have a gun at home just put it in your mouth and fire a-fucking-way!" 

"I would if I didn't know it'd make you so freaking happy, you sick junkie!" 

"God forbid you do anything to make me happy!"

"I sacrificed my dancing and my schooling to make you happy!" I throw at him.

"You threw out your chance to go to school and do what you were passionate about for me when I never even wanted you to do that! I wanted you to go to school, I wanted you to keep dancing but you didn't because you were too much of a pussy to leave 'cause you thought I'd break up with you!" 

"And we see where that fucking got me, don't me?! Married to a sick man who has no qualms about screwing his wife's best friend for over a year in the house he bought for her, in the bed they share!" 

"If that sick man didn't marry such a selfish, evil, farm fresh cunt from hell he wouldn't have felt the need to step out on her!" 

"You stepped out on me for drug love!" 

"I stepped out because I was bored with you and she fucked good!" He's venomously snapping at me. 

I want to say, "trust me, I know the feeling!" but decide not to. 

"Just be sure to mention that to our lawyers when you get back from Japan because I'm sick and tired of being married to you!" I shout. 

"Fuck you!" He screams. 

"Fuck both of you!" Doc snaps at us, heaving heavy breaths. "Now, I've had it, dammit!" He screams. 

We're all silent for a moment, before I'm glaring at Nikki. 

"See what you did, asshole?!" I accuse him. 

"What I did?!" He yells back, brows furrowing.

"Yes, what you did, since the only thing you're good at is stressing people out!" I shout at him. 

"I stress people out?! I stress people out?!" He starts laughing humorlessly. "I turned to fucking smack to escape your stress inducing bullshit, you delusional, rabid cunt!" He barks at me as Fred tugs me to the bathroom before I can get the last word in, locking me in until it's time to land. 

By the time we get to Fort Lauderdale, we've both calmed down enough to tolerate each once again, which is good considering paparazzi is on us like flees to a dog. 

"Vivian, Nikki!" Press shouts as cameras flash, Nikki reluctantly grasping at my hand as Fred clears a path in the people to car. 

When they see Vince, Tommy, Mick and Tansy behind us, they go after them next, giving me and Nikki time to duck into the car. 

"Geez." I sigh out, fixing my hair as Nikki moves across from me the second the door shuts. 

He leans his head back, cursing under his breath, raking a hand down his face. 

"You okay?" I ask him, genuinely, and he sneers, his eyes still closed as he catches his breath. 

"No, Vivian, no, I'm not okay." He huffs out with a sharp scoff, and I rub my lips together. 

"It's hard on me, too, you know. You aren't by yourse--"

"--Bab--Vivian, just shh." He catches himself before he says, "baby," and my heart tenses up in my chest. 

"Would you rather me scream at you and start an argument?" I ask him and he sits up, looking at me with smeared, running eyeliner, circles under his eyes, and ghostly skin. 

"I'd rather you just keep your mouth shut." He states, fumbling with his boot, pulling some tar, a spoon and a syringe out. 

"Oh, you aren't serious..." I say to him, raising a brow. 

"Me,Tansy, Izzy, Andy, Michael...don't act like you haven't seen someone shoot up before, Viv. If it makes you pussy out just close your eyes. I'll be done in a few seconds." He mumbles, about to start heating it in the spoon. 

I do just that, until I decide I'm not sitting around and let him kill himself anymore. 

I go to snatch the syringe and lump of smack away from him before he can stop me, opening the sunroof and throwing it out, going for his syringe next. 

"Stop!" He barks at me, guarding it, the both of us ending up on the floor of the limousine. 

"Nikki!" I scream, fighting with him to get it, but a sharp pain is soon shooting through my pointer finger as the needle stabs through the underside of my finger and out the top. 

It was by accident, being that he wasn't even holding the needle. 

"Motherfucker!" I scream to myself, Nikki's face paling further at the sight, as he lays underneath me while my tears are rolling down my cheeks as stinging pain spread through the nerves of my fingers, followed by the buzzing of the micro-amount of heroin on the tip of the needle that pierced my skin. 

I hiss as I pull it out and aim the needle at the car's carpet, getting rid of the shot, holding my bleeding finger as I sit up, Nikki still looking sick as I get off of him. 

"That shit wasn't cheap." He tells me, pulling himself up.

I don't pay him any attention, my finger starting to throb. 

He stares at me while I have my little pity party, before he takes a long sigh and grabs at my hurt finger, making me sniffle. 

"It's not like it went through the bone, Viv." He says dismissively, although he still holds to my finger as if trying to make it better. 

"Just shut up." I snatch away from him, frustrated.

"You shut up." He replies in the same harsh tone. 

"You fuck off." I kick my heel into his knee and he grabs my ankle and tugs at me, causing me to slide into the limo floor again. "Nikki!" I kick again with my other foot, this time, missing his crotch by mere centimeters. 

He slides to the other side of the seating to get away from me. 

When we stop at the next light, I'm reaching for the door handle and opening it up, causing him to pounce on me, and slam the door as I open it, yelling, "goddamnit, Sixx!" pinning me under him to keep me from opening it again. 

We both take heavy breaths, looking at each other...he smells repulsive, but I've missed the presence of his close proximity. 

The door opens suddenly, Doc and Fred looking down at us. 

Apparently we didn't stop at a red light, but our destination.

We both look up at them like guilty puppies, piled on each other, Fred, in particular, eyeing me like a hawk. 

"We're here." Doc informs us as we pull ourselves out of the car, and I brush off as Doc and Nikki walk ahead of me and Fred. 

"Don't say a word." I tell Fred.

"Wasn't going to." He assures me.

"It wasn't what it looked like." I say next. 

"Never said it was." He replies.

"Yeah, but, I know what it looked like, and--"

"--Viv, I'm not saying a word about it." He reassures me as we walk into the venue to see Steven, Slash, and Izzy sitting on the stage. 

Stevie sees me and makes a beeline for me, making a point to hug me. 

Steven was like Vince, but a hell of a lot more genuine and wholesome. He just loved love, affection, flirting, and women--especially women.

"Duff's really upset over what happened, Viv." He tells me in my ear. 

"I'll talk to him." I reply with a slight nod. 

"I don't know if just talking it out is gonna help much of anything, babe." He says lowly and I let out a breath. 

"I'll talk to him." I repeat, brushing off his warning. 

When I get on the bus, Duff's got his shirt off, shuffling through his bag, glancing at me. 

"Hey." I say to him.

"Hey." He mumbles back, grabbing another tshirt to put on. 

"Steven said you were still pretty upset about last night." I tell him, stepping a little closer. 

"Not with you...just...the situation." He explains in a low, frustrated tone. 

"Well, do you wanna talk about it?" I offer. 

He looks at me, letting out a breath, licking his lips.

"You've already said you guys are getting divorced, so, it's not like it really matters." He shrugs. "Just having a little trouble pretending like he didn't damn near kill you, but..." he trails off, seeing the look on me face before saying, "I'll get over it, Viv, alright? Don't worry about me jumping on him again or anything like that." 

"I'm not worried about that." I assure him, grasping at his hand, tugging him closer to me in the aisle, a small smile on his lips as his hand runs through my hair, our eyes locked. 

"I love you." He tells me, my arms wrapping around his waist. 

"I love you, too." I grin, and he presses his lips to mine, sweetly, before I'm pulling away. 

"Alright, your show starts in an hour and a half." I inform him. 

"Okay." He says dismissively, kissing me again. 

"Duff, we gotta go." I giggle, his lips kissing at my cheek, then my neck. 

"We will." He says against my skin, chuckling. 

"If you're late, Axl's gonna kill us both." I remind him, kissing him again. 

As always, one thing led to another, and then…

"Duff," I whimper out, my bare back wet with sweat from the humidity in the Florida air, my thighs spread as he pushes his fingers in and out of me on the table of the empty tour bus--my dress discarded to the floor, leaving me in only my heels since I wasn't wear a bra or panties, specifically prepared for this moment. 

The wet sounds of his fingers toying with my soaked pussy reverberate off the walls of the bus, only making the ache in me more hungry. 

His tongue swirls around my nipple, and he bites it teasingly, making arch into him, his fingers plunging deeply into me, purposely brushing that spot. 

I runny fingers through his hair as he goes to my other nipple, doing the same to it, making me sigh out in pleasure. 

He kisses my lips before grinning, taking a step back to look between my legs as if admiring me, his bare torso tensing with each breath in, his hand raking over his blonde hair. 

I pull my lip into my mouth, placing my heel on his chest, gently pushing him to sit down across the aisle, and I look at him smugly as he watches me, his hand palming at his crotch. 

I turn over to my hands and knees on the table, arching my ass up and my face down before reaching my hand underneath me to rub at my clit, watching over my shoulder as he takes heavy breaths. 

Two of my fingers tease at my entrance, and I moan out as they slide into me, my walls tightening around my digits as pleasure prickles up my spine. 

He keeps his eyes glued to me as I move my other hand to my clit, my toes curling as I eventually bring myself to orgasm, but I don't have time to recover before Duff's hands are grabbing my hips and his tongue is lapping at my center, sucking at my clit from behind. 

I gasp, my hand reaching back to hold his face to me, my body moving in rhythm with his tongue. 

Moans and whimpers come from me, and he pulls away for a moment, only to pull me into the aisle and push at my back until I've got my hands on the floor, completely bent over as he gets a better angle at eating me out. 

I nearly scream at the sudden accessibility he's got, on his knees, lips and tongue going to work. 

"I'm gonna come." I gasp out and he presses one more kiss to my clit before two of his fingers thrust into my cunt, making my eyes roll back at their demanding pace, curling to hit against my g-spot. 

He stands up, never pulling his hand away as the other hand holds at my hip, leaving to run over my ass cheek for a moment as I begin to spasm around his fingers, my legs shaking as cum runs down them. 

He pulls his fingers from me and I'm standing and turning to face him, sucking them into my mouth and he curses under his breath as I keep them in my mouth, my hand unbuckling his belt and pulling his hard cock out of his jeans, wanting him down my throat at the sight of precum beading at his tip. 

I keep my control, letting his fingers from my mouth as I'm licking my lips and rubbing my thighs together. 

I sit on the edge of the table, my legs spread, my hand between my legs as he steps to me, grabbing his prick and rubbing it against my sensitive folds. 

"Fuck, Vivian." He says softly, smile on his lips as if he still can't believe he's sleeping with me. 

I just grin at him and pull him down to kiss me. 

I cry out when he takes the time to push into me, hitting as deep as he can with a few more inches to spare. 

"Make me take all of it." I tell him after he thrusts a few times. 

He watches my face as he slowly inches it further and further into me, his tip hitting my cervix and pressing against it, making it give way little by little until he's buried in me to the hilt and I feel like he's in my stomach, tears in my eyes from the painful pleasure. 

"This is how deep I want you to go when you come." I tell him, sweat beading between my breasts and he watches it, leaning forward to lick it off my skin. 

"You want me to come in you?" He asks me, knowing the answer but wanting to hear me say it. 

"Yes." I nod, gasping. 

"Why?" He asks and I look down, his shaft disappearing into me and coming out glistening with my juices. 

"Because it feels so good." I reply and he grabs my jaw, his tongue meeting mine in a sloppy, passionate kiss as he picks up his pace. 

I grab his hand and guide it to my bruised throat. 

He almost pulls his hand away but stops when I look at him. 

"You're not gonna--fuck--hurt me." I assure him, my hungry pussy being fed the way its needed, making my eyes roll back and my lids close as my head tilts back.

He slowly grasps my throat, harder and harder, and the sensation sends sharp pleasure straight to my clit. 

My fingers go to play with it, but his fingers move mine from his way, staying in fast rhythm with his thrusts.

"I'm--" I can't finish what I'm saying before he moans out with me tightening around him, further wetting him with my juices as I finish

Within a couple more minutes he's breathing out, his dick twitching before he fits all of his length into my cunt and my body's being christened with his hot cum. 

Once I cool down and clean myself up, I'm going back to him. 

I pull my shirt back over my head as his hand runs up and down my back, his lips catching on the space between my shoulder blades before the fabric of my shirt can cover me, making me laugh. 

"Duff, we--" 

"Dude, we eat on that table!" We hear Stevie pipe, and turn to see him and Izzy looking at us in horror, by the door, where we're sitting on the table. 

"So did Duff, apparently." Izzy says with a crooked smile, cigarette smoke cascading past his lips as he finds it amusing. 

"Sorry." I say to them, quickly getting dressed as Duff gets up to pull his pants on. 

"We didn't see anything, don't worry. We just waited for the screaming to subside." Izzy lets out. "Axl's wondering where you guys are."

"Of course he is." I roll my eyes. 

"Not for that reason. I think he wants to talk to you about Tansy." He adds. 

"Tansy? What about her?" 

"What do you think?" 

"She's not going to rehab until she wants to." I immediately know what he's referring to. "And being that she's not enthusiastic about living, I doubt she cares whether she dies or not." 

"Well, Axl's all worried and googly eyed and gross." Izzy huffs out. 

"Plus, she's our friend, too, and we've all been trying to talk to her about getting some help." Steven tells me, next.

I get my shoes on and step past them to the door. 

"See ya in a few." Duff tells me. 

"See ya in a few." I reply, smiling at him, before going to find Axl.

The irony of anybody from Guns being worried for Tansy due to her drug addiction was exactly that: ironic. 

But I don't blame Axl for not wanting to see the girl he was miserably in love with (well, obsessed and unhealthily infatuated with) on the brink of her own final destruction. I guess because I'd been there with Nikki, myself, and knew how scary it was--even if big, bad, mean machine Axl refused to admit he was scared, I knew he was.

"Have you seen Axl?" I ask Doc as I pass him by, and he furrows his brows. 

"Might check their dressing room, I think." He replies and I nod. 

"Oh, and I'm sorry for mine and Nikki's fight earlier." I say before he can walk off. 

"Don't worry about it, Vivian." He nods a little as I offer a small smile and head to the guys' dressing room. 

The ginger isn't in there and I groan, heading to Mötley's dressing room to check in there, coming face to face with Sparkie. 

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I ask him, cutting my eyes. 

"Waiting for Nikki to get back from the bathroom...what about you?" He replies smugly. 

"Wondering why you're back when Nikki and Axl have both made it clear they don't want to see you again." I state. 

"The bitchy redhead isn't getting in the way of my business." He says, referring to dealing to Nikki. 

"You're so sick." I hiss out in disgust, turning to leave. 

"I'm kinda wanting to add a few drops of fuel to the fire, ya know...tell him about you and Duff." He starts, and I tense up, slowly looking at him. "End the last show of this leg of the tour with a bang." 

"He won't believe you." I try to say it confidently, but my voice cracks just slightly. 

"I don't think you're giving him enough credit, Viv. Sure he's high a lot of the time, but it's not hard to believe when almost all of your time is spent with Duff in some form or fashion--not to mention you lied about your friendship with him from the start, so…" he points out. 

"What gets you off about seeing people in pain? If you're not helping them destroy themselves, you're making things a lot worse for their life." I grit out. 

"I'm not making things worse for his life by telling him about your inability to keep your legs closed. You did--well, still are doing--the crime, I'm just giving him a heads up about it because he's my friend, and my friend needs to know what kind of snake his wife really is." He remarks and I grind my teeth, turning to go again, but he grabs my wrist. 

"Unless she wants to persuade me to keep her secret?" He suggests, his cruddy eyes traveling up my body like they always do. "Last chance, Viv." He adds. "If he finds out, it'll completely shatter him. You don't want that on your hands, do you?" He keeps on, stepping closer to me, his arm sliding around my waist slowly as I stand still, frozen, as my heart pounds in my chest. "It'll just take a few minutes, and then you can go on your merry way, and I won't say a word." He grins, the tip of his nose touching mine, his chapped lips grazing mine as the door opens, revealing Nikki. 

[i-am-masterkittens]

You better prepare yourself cause these are Quite A Few Questions 👀👀 3, 4, 11, 12, 15, 21, 23, 31, 33, 39 and lastly 40. Wow. 11 questions lmao

Thank you so much 😭😭❤

3. rant. just do it (I am going to put my whole ass rant under the cut because BOY IS IT LENGTHY. Also tw child abuse, pedophilia, self-harm and I think that’s it.)

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art? No? Like I guess if you want to, that’s fine, I’m not gonna hate you for it, but for me personally I’m gonna try to avoid it as much as possible. If a bad person creates a masterpiece, I’m still not gonna support them.

11. what unusual talent do you have? Uhh mild body contortion? Like I can’t touch my toes for the life of me but I can twist my body really weirdly and bend all my fingertips backwards by a lot. I love freaking people out by doing that.

12. what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard? I have audio-based problems meaning I have trouble understanding someone when they speak and also remembering what they said, so I can eavesdrop on the juiciest gossip and forget the next day. However, I do remember this one thing about some kid named Evan being a vampire, which I distinctly remember because Jake talked about it, but I don’t remember how it came up.

15. what’s a question do you constantly get asked? One would think it would be “omg are you left handed?” Or something similar, but I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me about it. One question I do get a lot is from my boyfriend, “why are you so cute?” It makes me shy and I have to hide my face.

21. what’s a conspiracy you believe in? That there are Warrior cats living somewhere in the world (from the warrior series). Which I guess isn’t a conspiracy, but I believe in it!

23. if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose? The inability to take care of myself. I mean, if someone wasn’t there to remind me every day, I would never remember to take my medicine, or brush my teeth before bed, or even get dressed half the days. I wouldn’t call it lazy, it’s more of a “I’m too tired to take care of myself”. That’s mental illness for you babey!!

31. you can change one thing in your life right now. what are you changing? OH. I would totally delete every disease in the world. This whole quarantine thing is making me sick physically, emotionally, and mentally, because I am not allowed outside at all and the lack of fresh air, meeting people, and vitamin D is stressing me out and well I feel bad almost all the time now. Not to mention all the cool stuff I was gonna do for my 2020 graduation. 😔

33. what do you think about a lot I sometimes wonder if my best friend would let me call him Jakey or Jakie as a nickname but I’m too shy to ask because I am baby.

39. describe your asthetic Okay so I call it “Pretty-Cryptid, Baby-Softcore.” Because I am baby AND a cryptid. I’ll be eating baby carrots from the bag and staring out the window one minute then I’ll want to be snuggled under lots of blankets the next. I also really love pretty things and colors. Pastel purples and blues? Hell yeah! Pats on the head? I love you. A demon with ethereal vibes and pretty jewelry is standing next to me in bed and telling me everything’s going to be okay? OGHOHOHHHHGH ❤❤❤❤ Anyway I want a pretty monster dad, please?

40. answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation Mr. Wise.

Here’s my rant:

The basis of it all is just that I would probably sleep forever if I could.

I guess that isn’t all quite a rant, so I’ll start of on a mild note. What the fuck is happening to my dreams? I’ve been having these weird ass dreams about people taking care of me and genuinely wanting to become a parental figure to me. They all wear masks, two of which look exactly like SCP-035 and SCP-049, but there’s this one dude, I don’t know him, but he wears this mask with holes in it. Apparently his name is Jason? This isn’t the first time I’ve had a dream about someone who I didn’t know existed, I’ve also had dreams about Monika from DDLC before I knew who she was, and even about how she died. It was creepy as fuck, and I sure hope my dreams don’t come true because I’ve had dreams of the future more than once.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into the heavy stuff, starting with my parents.I know I’m not the only person to have shitty parents, but that doesn’t stop them from being shitty. And before I get into anything, please please, please don’t report them to anyone. It’s probably weird to hear considering all they’ve done, but the guilt will probably kill me literally, and I still kinda love them, I mean they’re my parents and they took care of me. I don’t want anything to happen to them, and I don’t want to have to hurt myself because I did something to them, even if it was indirectly.

It used to be physical abuse, but it’s evolved into verbal as I grew up. Whenever I used to get in trouble, I would get so fucking terrified of what was going to happen to me. My dad, who was mostly absent from my life, (hence my constant wishing for a fictional character to be my dad, and probably a HUGE factor for what’s happening to my dreams lately) was also the most heavy handed with the hitting. He would spank me so hard that I would be crying and my butt would be red for hours. And it was so SO obvious that he liked my sister more than me, because it was always me who ended up with the red butts, and she’d get away with a loud yelling at. Meanwhile my mom would just hit me wherever she could with whatever she could, including a wire coat hanger when she was doing laundry.

And I recognize that I was a problem child, both physically and mentally because of my internal deformities that cause a lot of health problems, but also my weird boyish mentality and energy (I was into roughhousing a lot). But even then, just yelling would be enough to make me stop. Hitting me the way they did only made me learn how to lie to them and hide when I did something wrong.

This sort of stuff went on until about middle school, where it turned into more verbal threats about kicking me out of the house, as well as calling me names and making comments that dropped my self esteem very low, including stupid cow, bitch, and even telling me to hide my body and never wear bikinis or short shorts or crop tops (which I was already sensitive enough about because of my scars and the bump in my abdomen because of my knotted intestines, which gives me digestive issues if I eat too much). Dad almost completely dropped off the disciplinary train, only yelling at me extremely loudly when he got angry, but other than that I did pretty much nothing with him.

Because of them I’ve become extremely paranoid when it comes to touches that aren’t meant to be 100% comforting, and I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone for fear of getting hurt, (I’m sorry Jake :( if it makes you feel better though I trust you the most out of anyone else) and I get nervous when speaking up because I always got shot down by my parents.

It’ll be okay though because I have my boyfriend who I’ll get to live with soon, even if it’s just for the summer.

This isn’t everything that they’ve done, but it’s the majority of it, and even though they do good stuff with me sometimes, like my dad cooks breakfast or takes us out to eat, or we all go on nice vacations together, and it makes me feel guilty that I’m making them look bad, and worry that I’m oversharing or being too sensitive, but then I remember what they do and have done, and remind myself that I’ll only visit during holidays.

When I was 13, I came into contact with a pedophile. My first one out of at least 2 that I remember. I’m going to spare the details, but he tried to roleplay sexual situations with him, and convince me to undress in front of him, and that’s when I cut contact with him, and faked my death. I’m so, SO fucking sick of pedos, and pedo apologists, saying there’s nothing wrong with the age difference, when pedophilia has done nothing good to or for children. It gave me severe PTSD, to the point that I can’t say any words relating to reproduction, and visual-based sexual content will cause me to have flashbacks and panic attacks and cause me to scratch myself. Thanks pedos! Fucking hate you all! Please die.

And before people say I am overreacting, I’ve had this huge trigger since I was 13 and that is not something a kid should go through. And the reason why not a lot of people know about what happened, it’s because of the fear that I harbored, that people would laugh at me, and might use my triggers against me, which made things even worse, and it wasn’t until my boyfriend triggered me (accidentally) that I finally told someone, and it made me feel better that I could rely on him.

Other than that, another rant is about my boyfriend. I mean, he’s a good boyfriend, and he’s nice, but sometimes he comes off as insensitive and it makes me upset. That’s most of the reasons why we fight. Another big thing is lack of affection/attention, which might seems strange since we’re always hanging out, it seems, and cuddling, but sometimes he falls asleep on me and I get bored and don’t know what to do, or sometimes he ignores me to play video games or talk to other people. I am very touch starved so I need constant attention and contact or else I get worried, and I don’t know if he knows this or not, but he definitely comes off as ignorant sometimes. 

He makes up for a lot of stuff he does, but it doesn’t make what he did go away, and I wish he’d realize that and change because he keeps making the same mistakes.

My last rant is going to be about myself, and that I feel like a shit person! I feel like I always make things worse! I feel bad for every decision I make! I feel like I’m too clingy to my boyfriend and that I ask too much of him sometimes, and it makes me feel like shit because what I want and how I feel afterwards are different things and wow! Time for scratches! Also I want to have the power to always know what to do and say to make everyone happier and feel better! But then I get scared I’m gonna make a mistake and instead of trying to help I ignore them and go wow! I am a very shit person for ignoring them! And now my heart hurts because I got another heart palpitation by panicking! Wow I have a shit body! My heart deformities might kill me in my sleep! Wow! I am so insecure about everything I do and every way I look. I just want to become small and disappear sometimes. I miss you Jake. It’s hard for me to tell you I love you because it’s such an intimate phrase and my boyfriend was the first to hear it from me. But I’m glad you’re the second, even though we were so close to it. Somewhere in an alternate universe we’re together, and that makes me happy. I hope I we can become platonically intimate again, I remember holding your hand at night and it made me feel a little bit better at that camp.

My body just always hurts. I have to take a lot of medicine, and between all my heart, lung, and intestinal issues, on top of all my mental issues, majority of which have gone undiagnosed because my mom is in denial and refuses to get me to any sort of therapy; all of that combined makes me tired constantly, and I just always have stress, and a little headache in the back of my head.

I’m still hurting a lot, but I hope to get better. I have lots of ideas for the future, and I want to complete them before I go. I hope I make it past 2020, with many of you in tow.

I’m so tired.

I’m sorry if I made you sad.

[fucktgisshitok-blog]

Lifeline

A/N: I wrote this for the lovely @leslydeanna826 . She is the one who made this dream of a wallpaper. I hope you like this love. ❤

Warnings: ANGST, mentions of drug use and cussing

You wandered the halls of your boyfriend's childhood home. It was trashed from two hitmen coming in and attacking his family. He had never mentioned siblings to you, yet he got a letter in the mail from this address saying his father had passed away and you both immediately packed up and were here within a few hours. Now he was missing and you had no idea where to look or what even was going on. You'd not grown up in Canada so you had no idea where to even go.

“Hey. You okay?” The one Klaus called Diego asked you.

You sighed, sat on Klaus’ bed and shrugged. “I have no idea where he is. I don't know where to look. I don't know what to do.”

“Just sit tight. Luther and I will find him. He is probably out getting high somewhere.” He said.

“It's really sad that you don't even know your own brother and you grew up with him. Yes he goes out and gets high. But he always has his phone so I can get ahold of him. And if he needs me, he always calls.”

“You don't know him like we do.” Diego retorted.

“And you don't know him like I do.” You snapped. “Sorry. I'm just...really worried about him. This isn't like him. Not with me anyway.”

“We will find him. I promise.” He said, turning and leaving the room.

You pulled your phone out and looked at your wallpaper. Tears filled your eyes and you dialed his number again. “Hello?” Your heart leapt into your throat.

“Klaus? Klaus where are you?”

“Sorry, Klaus can't come to the phone right now. He's a bit…” You heard someone yell “hey baby” in the background and you felt nauseous. You knew exactly who it was. “...preoccupied.”

“I swear to God if I find something's happened to him…”

“Yeah yeah. You'll hunt me down and kill me. I get the picture.” The man said and then your phone blipped signaling a hang up.

“Piece of shit.” You muttered. You scooped up your bag and ran out of the room. “Diego! Luther!”

“They just left.” The sister, Allison said.

“Uuugh!” You screamed. You started pacing angrily. “A man answered Klaus’ phone. I heard Klaus in the background. This man…”

“Listen, I'm kind of busy. I'm trying to get in touch with my daughter so can you just…” she motioned for you to go away.

You bit your lip in frustration. You spotted the chimp that freaked you out when you first arrived. “Hey...um...Mojo...can you help me?” You asked him.

He seemed taken aback and annoyed. “It's Pogo. Like the stick madam.” He stated.

“Sorry. It's just…”

“Master Klaus is missing. Again. He does this in times of distress. So I advise you to just sit tight and wait for his return.” He explained, calmly.

“IT'S NO FUCKING WONDER THAT HE HATES ALL OF YOU! I WILL LOOK FOR HIM MYSELF!” you screamed, hatefully and walked swiftly to the door.

And look for him you did. For two days. Surviving on strong coffee, energy drinks, and candy bars. Anything to keep you awake. By now you were sick with worry. Your eyes were bloodshot and you had no leads. You decided to head back to the Academy for some much needed rest. If you didn't, you feared you'd fall dead from exhaustion.

You beeped the gate, it opened, and you trudged up to the door. Your feet felt like lead and you were beat.

You slowly opened the door. “Aah. Miss (Y/L/N). I didn't know if we would be seeing you again.” Pogo said, looking up from a newspaper.

“Can it monkey.” You mumbled, hatefully. You officially didn't like anyone here. Except for what's his name...Five. You hadn't met him yet.

“Oh. You should know...Master Klaus is upstairs. He's been here for about an hour.”

Your eyes went wide with excitement and relief. Even though you were dog tired, you ran up the stairs, two at a time and found Klaus sitting on his bed talking to a young boy.

They both looked at you. “Well then. I will leave you two to it.” He said. He held out a hand to shake as he stopped in front of you. “Hello. I'm Five.”

“Y/N.” You said, shaking his hand before he left the room.

You shut the door behind you and Klaus stood up. You were immediately in his face. “Where the hell…” he cut you off with a kiss and all anger and worry melted away. He was here. Actually here with you. You grabbed ahold of his hair lightly as tears streamed down your face. You broke the kiss and looked into his beautiful green eyes. “I was so worried about you.”

“I know. I'm sorry. The night those two people broke in and shot this place up...they snatched me thinking I was cared enough about by my family to come and get me. Big laugh for them. Then when Diego's girlfriend came in I snatched a suitcase and climbed through an air duct. Made it to a bus station. Got on the bus to come home. I decided I was going to open said case and I swear (Y/N) it transported me to 1968. Vietnam War.”

“Wait...what?”

“It was a time traveling briefcase. I told you all about what I see. What my family can do. Please just believe me.”

“I do...it's just...a lot to process.”

“I met someone else.” He added.

“Oh…” you said, looking at the floor.

“Y/N. It was two days here. But it was a whole year there. I didn't think I would ever see you again. I opened that case every night for weeks trying to come home. But then Dave and I…”

“Klaus...it's okay. I know what your sexuality is. And I know you have wants and needs. If you want we can…”

“No. You are the only one woman I will ever love. And he...the only man. Dave and I...we are done with. He uh...he died in combat.”

You immediately took him into your arms. “Baby, I am so sorry.” You said, and held him as he cried on your shoulder. You tried soothing him to the best of your abilities. Let him know you were there for him. That's all you could really do. Because now your beautiful boyfriend with an amazing soul was broken. Broken and longing for a man years away. That passed on. There was one way he could see him again but you wouldn't push him. Right now you pulled him down on the bed and curled up behind him. Holding him tightly and kissing the back of his head. “I love you so much Klaus.” You said, as you used one hand to stroke his hair and the other to hold his hand.

“I love you too.” He whispered, and ended it with a sniffle.

Gradually you both drifted into unconsciousness, holding onto the other like a lifeline.

@jacksonroth

[wintryknight13]

“A Rant About Shipping”

I’m back to my rant routines because, well, it only takes so much to trigger me about the fandom community of any popular/unpopular media. So let me get on with it. I’m getting real sick and tired of people hating shippings in general, no matter if it’s gay or straight. The general public online makes such a big deal out of it that I can’t help but find all the arguments and objections absolutely pitiful. Is everyone on the internet just mere children, or children in adult disguises?

First off, I get it - shippings/ship wars are part of what makes fandoms toxic and unbearable to be a part of. I am hyper-aware. That being said, the concept of shipping shouldn’t be seen as something as god awful or detrimental to society or some shit like that. People like pairing fictional characters together, so what? Its fuckin fiction! The very knowledge that it's being done shouldn’t kill you. If people want to make fanart or fanfiction out of it, they have the right to. Don’t portray ALL of these people like freaks and make them feel bad about what they like and do. It’s more than rude or disrespectful, it's stupid and a waste of time. Mind your damn business and move on, ignore them. You only want the source material after all, right? So just watch or read or play your shit and stay off of Tumblr, Deviantart, Zerochan, the comment section; anywhere really if you can neither handle it nor act mature.

Second, to everyone who hates gay shippings= why, just why? Does it really throw you off the deep end to see two fictional characters of the same sex being paired together and drawn romantically (or sexually) with one another? Cuz it ain’t straight? Give me a fuckin break. I’m not religious so I don’t fuckin care if you believe it's wrong and shouldn’t be promoted. It's no different from fanart/fanfiction/NSFW of straight shippings, in my eyes. So really, get a grip. I’d respect the outrage more if there were actually informative and insightful reasons against them, but nah it’s just “ew, gets this gay shit off my screen” or “rabid fujoshis always be fapping to men getting it on”. You are indeed allowed to voice your opinion about it, hell there are gay ships AND straight ships I utterly despise, but you shouldn’t go so far and call all these fans perverted, crazy, or stupid. That’s just not true; if anything you come off as butthurt or insecure about some shit that you definitely need to fix.

Lastly, to everyone who hates straight shipping= you are way too extreme for no fuckin reason. I hate SJWs and special snowflakes for this very reason. Not everyone has similar tastes, don’t assume they are homophobes just because they don’t ship two men together or two women together. Your opinions are not superior to theirs, lay off. If you don’t like, don’t look. Stop villainizing everyone with different views, and quit making everything about representation and diversity. Tone down and be respectful, for god’s sake! Enough with the ship wars, it achieves nothing - y’all just wanna hate each other and for what? Absolutely fuckin nothing! 

Am I done? I hope so. This has become irritating and I learned that blowing off steam makes me feel better. Do I sound selfish and petty? Maybe. Did any of this made sense? Probably not. But I don’t fucking care.

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x12 Commentary (europe edition)

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)

@waywardbaby  (Zeta)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giul)

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11

Giu: Oh donatello

Zeta : What a flashback

Nat: ugh... so sick of nick already

Giul: Whatever it takes oh yes cas is gonna do something stupid ?

Nat: "Not even an Archangel"

Giul: Dean doesn’t joke too in terms of stupid decisions.

Nat: Stop it Dean

Zeta : My heart will go on, I’m sorry

Giul: Well that’s creepy

Nat: NO

Zeta: Ohhh fuck

Giul: I’m crying

Nat: Baby NOOO NOOOO Fuck

Zeta : Test drive

Kat :  the hand porn though

Giul: That’s fucking terrifying

Zeta : True

Giu: Dean’s face will hunt me forever now. Jensen JFC .

Zeta : Fuck

Nat: Shit

Giu: Dont

Kat : I cried during this

Giu: I am crying

Giu: Hell’s flashbacks tho

I’m hating myself now.

[Dean pounding on the metal ]  : No. No!. Sam SAM!

-Up I’m having serious parallels with when he woke up in the coffin after hell.But this time he can’t get out. NICE

- Look at his hands trembling. CAN YALL NOT

[Cell’s lights goes off] the box is dark now. 

NO I HATE THIS ALREADY.

-Oh thank god. 

Zeta : Sam is naked

Kat : They both are

Giu: OH FUCK

Nat: Shit

- D:” Just a bad dream, it’s fine. I’m ok”

Zeta : Never said I wasn’t scared

Giu: fucking hell

- D: "Never said I wasn't scared.But it doesn’t matter”

Nat: Fuck you

- S:” But what you are talking about is far worse than death. Michael is an archangel, he could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever.

Giu: Told ya

Kat : Hate this

Giu: That Henley. I love how it rest on Jensen’s hips. distracting.

Kat : Single layer porn!

Nat: I'm not ok .Do I have to keep watching? Ugh

Kat : YES

Giu: the fuck is happening

Zeta : What now?

Giu: They really want to play with this water and drowning bullshit

- Also this episode is already aesthetically pleasing . and that I appreciate .

Kat: They play with so many parallels this week

Kat : It’s like a Criminal Minds episode

Giul: I’m so loving this

Nat: who is he

Giul: Fucker of the week

Kat : UGH NICK GO AWAY

Zeta: Busy bee

Nat: None of that was my fault

Giul: He’s a serial killer so go off i guess

Giul: Yeah well the devil left the rest is all you bitch

Kat : I like the cop lol

- Nick is so empty right now. He’s the most dangerous human honestly.

Giul: Goddammit mark. 

Nat: The TALK

- D:”You’re gonna see it through to the end”

Giul: Shut up

Zeta : Mom hates this

Giul: WE HATE THIS

Zeta: Yeah right

- S:” And Cas and Jack, you haven’t even told them”

- D:” Well that’s because I’m not good with the whole big goodbyes, all right? I don’t need to get shaky on this”

Giul: and HE DIDN T TOLD THEM . HOW DARE

Nat: Can I smack Dean over the head?

Nat: Am I allowed to?

Kat: ITS DEAN OF COURSE HE DIDN’T

-D:” Just put the end of this trip out of your head, okay?”

Giul: MY BABE

- C:” Where you able to talk him out of it?”

 S:”No so I’m counting on you”

Giul: LOL SAM TOLD HIM

Nat: Awwww Cas knows tho

Giul: good sam

- He asked Rowena’s help too AAAAAH

Nat: of course he would

Giul: WE KNEW

Zeta: Remarkable command of profanity

Nat: LOL Cas about Rowena

Giul: “ Maybe if I spoke with Dean"BAAAABE

- S:”If we don’t find some way...Dean’s gone”

You have to step on my dead cold body first tho

Nat: Dean washed his hands tho 

Nat: at least

Kat : He’s a clean freak

Giul: Well remember how he barely touches the public phone booths?

-tHIS EPISODE IS BEAUTIFUL

Kat: This dude is so whacked out

Giul: This is a criminal minds ep. WHEELS UP, where is Rossi when we need him?

Nat: I'm sick of this dude already

Giul: Finally some gore

Kat: BABY

- D:” Do ever think about when we were kids? I know I wasn’t the greatest brother to you”

Giul: DUDE DON’T 

Zeta: Regrets

- S:” Dean , you were the one who was always there for me. The only one. You practically raised me”

Giul: U MY DA

Kat: DUDE IMMA CRY AGAIN

Nat: Sammy, stop

Giul: FUCK

Nat: SAMMEEHHHH STOP

Nat: SHIT STOP IT GUYS

Giul: oh this is for the 300 mood

Kat:  I think so too

- D:” Things got dicey. You know with Dad, the way he was. I didn’t always look out for you the way I should’ve”

- lol Sam doesn’t want to hear this shit

- D:” I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep peace I probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was away, you know it wasn't because I just ran out, right? Dad would , he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that”

Nat:  I fucking cry

Kat: JOHN YOU FUCKER

- S: “ Man, I left that behind a long time ago, I had to-”

- Look you can pin point the exact moment the eyes starts to get watery...damn it Jared.

- S:” And if we are gonna get through this, I have to do , like you said and try and keep my mind off of where we’re going. So if we could not have conversations that sound like deadbeat apologies, I would really appreciate it”

Giul: YES. THANK YOU SAM.

Zeta: Yeah ok  I’m hating this

Nat: Fuck, I'm not ok. 

Nat: I like the cop

Giul: BITCH DONT

Kat : Told you Ain’t God he’s praying to

Nat: DIGNITY hahahhaha

Zeta: Yep

Nat: FUck

Giul: WELL THAT’s

Zeta: That was so predictable

Nat: Nick's a fucking lsdhfishgoiewahgpieshgäahgeisladhflidshglidsea

Kat : Can he die already? I shouldn't smash my work computers keyboard that hard, probably

Giul: Hey gotta hand it to the guy tho, he’s pretty resourceful

- Sam finding a case. I’m not even surprised.

Zeta: The Winchester boys

Nat: ONE LAST CASE FOR THE WINCHESTER BOYS fuck you

- S:” You had to go there”

Kat: Damn it

Zeta: Enochian

Zeta: FBI

Giul: YAS

Nat: I'd open up that door so fast tho

Nat: and get on my knees

Kat: Control yourself woman

Nat: You know who you're talking to, right?

( that sentence is knitted in the back of our watch biker gang jackets)

Kat : THE COATS

Giul: FBI FBI FBI FBI

Giul: dean sitting so cutely

Zeta: I’m sorry.Has anybody noticed how huge their feet are?? 

Giul: licking lips

Nat: Dean's such a smol bean next to Sam.

Kat: Dean looks so tiny.GET OUT OF MY HEAD

- This all conversation with the twin is a real guilty trip for Dean. 

- Also this confirms that Dean and Sam knows some enochian. And that’s sexy.

Talk enochian to me * trumpet sounds*

Giul: CASTIEL MY BABE

Zeta: Angel on call

Nat: Awww Cas smiles

- C:” Dean” “ [BIG FUCKING SMILE] “Is so good to hear from you”

Giul: WOW he’s so- GODDAMMIT

- [stammering] : ok...well ..good. Ah [clear throat] listen , Cass....

- C:” You are working a case? That Is So GoOd tO hEaR. So I assume that means you’re not going to go through with it. Because I have to say, Dean , this plans of yours, it was born of, of desperation , not reason”

Kat: BUSTED

Giul: WE KNOW

- C:” I-I know that I’m not supposed to know , what I know,  but”

- D:”  "Look I'm fine with my plan"

Nat: LIAAAR

-C:” NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION”

Zeta: It’s good to hear your voice

Giul: MARRIED

Zeta: I love you

- D:” Really?”  S: “ Dean, it’s your husband  Cass I had to tell him”

Giul: lol can we remember that Cas fucked up Donatello for them?

Nat: How he leans against Baby tho I caught myself staring at his crotch. oops

Zeta: Well....

Giul: Aaaaand flannel again

Giul: Shocking

Nat: SURPRISE It's funnier in Enochian I guess

- ALSO hell yeah for Dean being the smarty pants ! I live for these moments. We all know Sam is the main  brain , but seeing the writers giving us these brilliant Dean moments is life.

Giul: He cray. This is so creepy amazing. Finally some spn old style

Kat: I know, they finally have a proper almost scary ep again

Nat: Yes. I still remember how creepy sometimes Season 1 was. oh they're here to save the day

Zeta: The Winchester boys

Giul: MOOSE IS ANGRY . SQUIRREL TOO

Zeta: Bamf much?! The hiss

Nat: Dean, control your anger!

Giul: H. O. T

- Poor guy tho, it’s not his fault .

Kat: Love snarly boys!

Giul: WELL FUCK

Zeta: Baby’s ass! I’m sorry again

Giul:  We end the ninja turtle

Giul: UUUUUUGH

Kat: Ugh this bitch again

-Vintage Nick

Nat: I wanna skip Nick. Can I skip Nick?

Giul: NO Mark acting is gold

Kat I hate this whole scene

Nat: He's too good and I hate him

Giul: Wait Why is No NO , fuck no. WHAT

- The fucking ice .... 

- N: “Lucifer....?”

 Sarah : 

Kat: ITS DUMB AF

Kat: I HATE THIS SCENE

Nat: SPN makes me question so many things

Giu: FUCK MARK OK

Nat: TELL HIM. I LIKE HER

Zeta: She kinda hates him

Kat: BUT SHE DOESN’T DO ANYTHING.SHE SHOULD BE THROWING HIM AGAINST WALLS AND SHIT

Giul: Let her leave bro

Nat: NICK LISTEN TO YOUR DAMN DEAD WIFE

- N: “ I can’t”

Kat: Nope he’s gonna be a little bitch

Giul: Oh I’m sorry he’s like a Stockholm victim.

Nat: "I'm sorry." Is he really tho?

- N:”Wherever is darkest”

Kat: Melodramatic much Nick?

Nat: DR CAS

- DR NOVAK

Zeta: Oh hello

Giul: THE OTHER Mr Winchester.  

Giul: OOH OOH HOT

Nat: Dean's smirking

Giu: DOCTOR

Zeta: Giuls, u ok??

Giul: I . AM.  NOT.  EARSKYHGZLYCBTSGKBP FUCK ME

- Doctor: follow me.

 Sam scrambling the fuck away from the sexual tension

Dean eyes on Cass [starts the sexual tension]

me [bathing in sexual tension]

Nat: THE HAIR ON CAS THO

- C:” It was necessary, doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. Doesn’t mean I don’t wish there could've been another way”

- C: 

- “Please don’t compare this with your suicidal plan. Just stop it”

[ tilting head in angry ]

Zeta: Tell him Cas

- D:” Why don’t we talk about that later”

Nat: "according to your plan, there won't be a later." I love Cas

Giul: YES

Kat: THE SASS

Giul: CAS BABE

- D:” You think this is easy on me?”

-Why does it always look like Cas is on the verge of tears and they never fucking show us the real deal 

- C:” So then, this is goodbye?”

Zeta:He’s hurting

- ThE FuCK Is tHaT LoOk DeAN

Nat: "Guys.. stop bickering." Is what Sam should have said. lol

lol and Cas holding Dean’s gaze a bit before focusing on Sam. Good moment

- D:” I thought he was too far gone”

 C: “Dean if there is a spark of hope. then I have to try “

- Damn these writers are not being subtle.

-C: “ YOU taught me that”

Giul: GUYS I CAN T

Zeta: *pats your back *

Nat&Kat:"Get out."

Giul: when castiel get so riled up I get all tingly.YES ORDER ME AROUND

Zeta: @Giul control yourself woman

Giu: PSH HAVE U SEEN THIS...[gestures vaguely] HOW

- Sam not being subtle too

Nat: Sam's throwing shades

Kat: THE DIMPLES OF DISCONTENT

-I will never get tired of Cas glowly hand

Giul: ANGEL EYES YAAAASP

Kat: Okay dude would be choking on that tube

Giul: CAN I WAKE UP LIKE THAT TOO

Nat: I wanna wake up being surrounded by three hot boys

Giul: [clicks tongue]

Kat: With three handsome men? Yes please

- yeah ok you can’t fucking say that and look up  at Castiel, Dean..you motherfucker 

- C:” Would do like more grape jello?” [voice deepest than Dean’s closet]

Giul: WHAT WAS THAT VOICE CAS i felt it in my [censored] 

Kat: Donatello and his chicken

- Those two whispering like that .... fuck you

Nat: THE dimples

- Castiel’s little awkward smile 

- This episode is so beautifully shot I can’t

Kat: I need a gif of them legs @Giulia please ma’am

Giul&Zeta: NO REST FOR THE SELF DESTRUCTIVE.

- D: “We are going out on a high”

i wanna slap him....hard

- D: “ Sorry”

 S: “sOrRY “ *chuckles*

- Sam is not drinking beer, he’s drinking hot salty tea.

Nat: Sam's really at it, huh? Trying to guilt trip Dean out of it

Giul: i don’t blame him

Nat: Can't be mad at him, tho

- S:” I have to throw away everything we stand for” aaaaand the voice cracks....good....great...

Zeta: He’s soooooo angry

Kat: Sam’s hair is so fluffy

Nat: LISTEN TO SAMMY DEAN

-S.” You just don’t check out of it “ * snarls and pushed Dean*

Dean is offended of the push.

Bitch you don’t get to be offended

- S: “ if you quit us today, there won’t be a tomorrow. What are you doing now it’s wrong,it’s QUITTING”

Giul: SAM MAD DESPERATE VOICE IS GOOD

Nat: I believe in us, Dean

-Dean doesn’t respond.

- Sam:

- Sam is all of us

Zeta: Smack him

-[Enters desperate hug]

Nat: fuck, now i'm crying

Giul: sobs

Nat: fuck no shit

Giul: OH COME ON

Kat: THIS HUG

- [strained voice] S: “why don’t you believe in us too?”

Giul: It’s too early for this.

-Sam looks like a kid here , a scared sad kid and I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT 

Kat: SAM HOLDS ON SO TIGHT

- D:”Okay Sam”

 Sam sniffs

 D: “Let’s go home”

Nat: I need a cigarette and lots of wine

Giul: MOOD

Zeta: This fucking hurts so bad

Nat: Why you gotta make me cry tho

Giul: GOOD LORD. Stop the voice breaking

- D:” And I’ll keep believing until I can’t”

Kat: MY BOYS 😭😭😭😭

Nat: NO

Giul: JARED WTF

- D:” you’ll have to take it for what it is....the end”

Nat: SAM WON'T DO IT

Giul: STOP IT

-D:” and you have to promise me “ [Dean’s voice get high] “ that you’ll do then what you can’t do now. and that’s let me go”

Giul: HE FUCKING WON T

Nat: FUCK YOU ALL

Kat: JARED STOP YOUR FACE

Nat: FUCK YOU

Giul: JARED FUCK U

Kat: ALL OF YOU STOP YOUR FACES

Giul: FUCK IT FUCK ALL OF U

Nat: I'M DONE FUCK THIS SHIT

-D:” Just don’t hit me again”

- STOP THIS FUCKING MUSIC RIGHT FUCKING NOW

Zeta: i HATE ALL OF THIS

Nat: I DON'T WANNA WATCH ANYMORE, NO MORE SPN FOR ME

Zeta: I HAAAAAAATE IT!!!!!

Giul: AND WE HAVE ALL SEASON 15 too

Nat: FUCK THIS

Giul: YAAAASP GUYS

Kat : NO YOU HAVE TO WATCH NEXT WEEK

Giul: PROMO NOW

Zeta: Yeet

Kat: PREVIEW

Giul: GO WATCH THE PROMO BITCH

Kat : GO I CAN’T FREAKING WAIT

Giul: i LOVE IT 

.

Well well WHAT A FUCKING RIDE.

WE HATED IT.

.

.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage  @destiel-honeypie   @mariekoukie6661   @dragontamerm    @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon  @mattiecat    @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2 @jacks-word-of-the-day  @4evamc   @dammitsammy  @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride @destielhoneybee @castiellover20

[roseamongroses]

Antithesis: “what do you have? “ I have a kNIFE” “NO”

[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,

[Tags/mood:] highschool au,  fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17) (18) 

L: I May Have Lost Roman

V: nice

P: not nice :)

V: i feel vaguely threatened

Rem:@L how the fuck did you manage that Rem: nvm i know how just give me details

L:I don’t know ? One second we were at check out L: Next minute he was Gone and Nieve is looking suspicious

L:Hold on lemme ask Dmitri

V: why is he there

L: I mean he’s actually pretty chill L: But he dropped Roman off and Nieve got attached L:I’m...not sure if she’s planning on letting him go?

V:logan, my friend, my buddy, V:the only person in this chat with basic reading comprehension

Rem: that’s pretty fair

P: it really is tbh

V: Send. Pictures.

L: Okay L: Slight Issue

V: you lost the snake too

L: I lost Dmitri too and Nieve is not spilling

Rem: oh they’re defeinately fucking

L:...Where? The bathroom?

Rem: Don’t knock it till you try it ;)

V: not to be that guy but im vetoing this discussion V: cause thats a Yikes even for you Remy

L: Alright time to find them

Rem: check ;))) the;))) bathrooms ;;))))

L: Remy.

Rem: alrighlright too far ill stop

L: Thank you.

V: keep me updated V: i only have silence and physics homework as company

L:Huh L:Found them

L: Roman….found a katanna…

V: im sorry WHAT V: Why The Fuck Does He Have A Sword

Rem: drop the location of that store man

L: 1) It’s a Katanna L: 2)I will certainly Not. L: 3) He’s trying to convince Dmitri why he should have it

L…..and Dmitri looks more amused then concerned

V: if I can't have a tarantula he sure as hell cant have a sword

L:I told him it was probably fake/ poorly made and that he should take the time to invest the proper skill in money in a real one

V: goddamit logan you cant logic roman.

L: It worked. He put it back. L: So I say I can do what I want with roman

Rem: some spicy takes from the chats only brain cell ;)

---

“So you’re turning eighteen, in a few months. ” His aunt said, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. She still managed to hold an air of prestige despite getting utterly shitfaced the night before. Her appointments have been going well.

Dmitri looked up, masking his surprise and holding his tongue.

Dr. Montag looked over, quieting the running water and placing the dish was he was cleaning down, “Really?” he said, brushing his hands, “You got any plans?” he asked, Dmitri.

“Oh we usually do something small,” His aunt interjected, “But seeing as he’s my father’s favorite grandchild,” Only grandchild, “He’s is flying from Paris to join us. And he was never a man of modesty so I’ve been thinking about doing something special for the occasion.”

Oh.

Dmitri fought the smile creeping on his face, ducking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that she remembered after all if his grandfather was visiting. It’s how he got his phone, laptop, his car.

It’s probably why she puts up with him, to begin with. Cause it wasn’t guilt.

“--We should get your hair cut,” She continued, and Dmitri snapped out of his thoughts, “Maybe invite Diana--he’d like her,” she murmured.

“Diana and I a-” He closed his mouth, and his aunt’s eyes shot over.

“You broke up?” She narrowed her eyes, examining her nails, “Huh, makes sense seeing as...” she gestured at him vaguely, “So who have you been sneaking around with?”

“I’m not sneaking around with anyone,” Dmitri said, meeting her gaze. And technically he was right, it’s not sneaking if she just hasn’t been asking. And he’s given up on telling.

Dr. Montag’s eyebrows knitted together confused,” Well that isn’t true,”

Dmitri’s eyes went wide, stomach sinking.

His Aunt’s grin spread, “Oh really?”

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck--

“He’s been helping me out, hon,” Dr. Montag set down a glass of water and pills beside her plate, “You’ve been so stressed lately,” he looked guilty and produced some tickets, “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Her face softened and like that the tension left the room. Those two got to linger in whatever lovey-dovey spell had taken hold of them in the last few months, but Dmitri was still on edge.

She still kept him on edge, but he could get her back. Even the playing field. Anytime he could leave this—Anytime he could flip this switch and put her on edge and make her—

He stopped eating, setting his plate aside.

He felt sick.

---

R:helllloooo R:anyone up R: sigh R: allll by mySELLLLF

L: Roman?

R: the one and lonely yes hello human contact???

L: Are you alright? It’s 3 am why are you still awake?

R: why are YOU up mm????

L: My parents have newborn twins. What’s your excuse?

R: well fuck got me there

R: i was texting dee but he was rlly tired and i stILL can’t sleep

L: Any particular reason?

R: u m

L: Private chat?

R: please

- [TheTruthAboutTheMoon]

TheWalkingMouth: Okay shoot

Cowboy:it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: I’ll tell you if it's stupid or not just say it

Cowboy: i just….like Cowboy: it's all kinda….hitting me a ll at once and i Really don’t like thinking about it but i cant bottle shit up either like you bastards so i feel like the human equivelent og a washing machine with too much laundry in it

TheWalkingMouth: Then don’t? TheWalkingMouth: Even if it's too ‘stupid’ for me I’m sure Dmitri wouldn’t mind

Cowboy: yeah but i feel like im going to say something shitty to him i Cowboy: like we should talk about it Cowboy: and i will Cowboy: but not now--later when it's not too stressful for either of us

TheWalkingMouth: Why would you say something shitty?

Cowboy: idk id jst get frustrated trying to explain it Cowboy: like hes smart as hell and probbaly get it without me saying anything but like Cowboy: I have neither the patience nor articulation right now to explain like a civil person and he doesnt need me being shitty about it

Cowboy:like,,,,,for example,,,,, if he fucks up in school, he’ll get recommended a tutor and teachers would assume hes doing his best and hes such a sweet and quiet boy

Cowboy: like he is sweet!!but hes a little shit too!! And gets away with it!!! Half those pranks he pulled on virgil, as Iconic as they were he never got in trouble for them!!!

Cowboy: when i fuck up i

Cowboy: god it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: Might not get a second chance? Yeah I get it.

TheWalkingMouth:Remember when I first transferred here? None of the teachers would take me seriously bc of my accent and if they did, they were afraid of me. I could repeat something another kid said word for word and still be told I had an attitude.

Cowboy: god i remembered that Cowboy: you answered his yes or no questions in a fuckin montone, quiet ass voice and he legit called in the office cause he got scared of a goddamn freshman

Cowboy: But ye when i fuck up Cowboy: im suddenly the lazy ass brown kid who should spend less time corrupting youth with my feminine hips and curls Cowboy: like it's not like a lot of them say it outright but it feels like if im not perfect im fufilling all the stereotypes

TheWalkingMouth: Ah okay, rant away

Cowboy: OK like like like im not like virgil right?? in a lot of ways and it fuckin shows

Cowboy: he’s been planning on going into engineering since sixth grade meanwhile i only got my shit together in highschool

Cowboy: and like now that im here/???what now??? My mother expects me to have my shit together meanwhile im over here freaking the fuck out over whether not it's worth it to even try Cowboy: like yes mother i want to go to an art/or librel arts school that may or may not accept me that we may or may not afford to find a career in who the hell knows because if i have to sit in a healthcare class or a applied mathmatics class like you did i miight actually shank the professor????

Cowboy: that i dread the thought of not trying to explore my options outside of this fucking state but i dread the thought of going bc i cant stand the thought of being away from home but i cant fucking find a reason to stay cause everyone i love is leaving or planning their own life anyway???

Cowboy: like remys gunna fuck off to who knows where regardless of whether or not he has a plans or money, pattons gunna take care of his grandmother whereever the fuck a canada ,moms moving in with tia, virgils already mentally flipping me off ready to fuck nasa , and i only fucking hope dmitri even getss the chance to choose where he goes but hes g o n e and i die from yearning behind a screen like the gay victorian i am , and you….i actually dont know

TheWalkingMouth: Teaching for either biology or physics

Cowboy: huh it fits but what about chemistry??

TheWalkingMouth: Fuck chemistry.

Cowboy: oh thank god we’re on the same page

TheWalkingMouth: Anyway, I assume you’re more worried about whether you should apply rather then if you could get in?

Cowboy: i think so

TheWalkingMouth: Well if my opinion means anything to you

Cowboy: more than you’re assuming but yeah continue

TheWalkinMouth: Wait

Cowboy: nothing nothing continue

TheWalkingMouth: Okay-- I think you should go for it but you don’t need to dive head first into it and commit to everything 100% like virgil did.

TheWalkingMouth: You’re allowed to keep your options open, to have backup plans for back up plans

TheWalkingMouth: It doesn’t mean you’re not passionate about your art. Doesn’t mean you’re inevitably going to get a office job and abandon all your dreams. It means you’re being smart and not backing yourself into a corner

TheWalkingMouth:It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay not to have it all figured out

TheWalkingMouth: Nobody does.

TheWalkingMouth: Even if no one else gives you a second chance at least give yourself a second chance.

TheWalkingMouth: It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to fuck up and get fucked over TheWalkingMouth: That doesn’t mean you will everytime TheWalkingMouth: And it certainly doesn’t mean it's the end

Cowboy:

Cowboy:

Cowboy:

[...Cowboy is typing…]

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

[ghostofviperwrites]

Snoop

Requested by: anonymous.  Once again thanks to @laziestgirlintheworld for the idea

Pairing:  Evil/FC

Category:  Smut

Warnings: Smut. Language.  Light bdsm, whipping, gags

58.          I think you need to learn how to shut the fuck up

Evil stood under the burning spray of water, his forehead resting against the cool tile wall of the hotel bathroom letting the water melt the knots away from his body.   He was tired.  It had been a long tour in Australia and to top it off he had fractured his eye socket in the last match of the tour.   Now he had to fly home tomorrow to find out if he needed surgery to repair the injury.  He and Sanada had worked so damn hard to get those heavyweight tag titles and now there was a very real possibility that they would be stripped of them.  Evil’s fist clenched at the thought.  Losing them in a hard fought battle he could handle.  Having them taken away because of a fluke fucking injury was not sitting well with him. 

Hearing something that sounded like his hotel door shutting Evil cocked his head, concentrating as he tried to determine if he had heard what he thought he did.  Turning off the shower to hear better, Evil heard someone singing softly in his room.  Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist Evil stepped out of the shower and moved to peer through the crack in his door.  He frowned as he saw a maid’s cart by his bed, his ire rising.  Apparently they were ignoring his do not disturb sign now. 

The singing cut off abruptly making Evil crack open the door further and move so he could see the maid bed, wondering what had caught her attention.   He watched as she leaned under the bed where she had apparently kicked his black bag of delights.  Watching with an amused smile Evil leaned against the doorframe as her face blanched when she opened the bag and saw what was inside.  She pulled out cuffs and a ball gag with a scrunched nose, a startled noise escaping her when she lifted out a bunch of different styled clamps.  Evil remained amused until she started running her mouth.

“What kind of sick fuck is this guy?”  She said out loud to herself as every item she pulled out of the bag seemed to get kinkier than the last.   There was a small part of her that was intrigued by the items, but she kept pushing those thoughts away.  “Oh my god gross!”  She had just pulled out a vibrator and she hastily threw it down on the bed, wiping her hand along her skirt as she imagined just where that thing may have been.   “Holy shit this guy is fucked up.”  She said as she pulled out the last few items, a small leather crop and a wooden paddle.  “I think he needs to learn to keep his freak at his home.”  

“I think you need to learn how to shut the fuck up.”  Evil said glaring at the intruder as he stepped into her view.  Her face paled, eyes darting from the items strewn about the bed to the man who looked like he could easily break her in half.  She tried not to notice that he was so handsome, reminding herself that he was a sexual deviant.  “Is there a particular reason you’re going through my belongings?  Or that you ignored the Do Not Disturb sign on the door?” 

“Well you just left your things around for anyone to trip on!”  She sputtered indignantly, trying to turn her snooping back around on him.

“In a zipped up bag underneath the bed?” Evil countered.  “Even if it was out, you have no right to pull all my shit out and throw it around.” 

Her gaze darted guiltily to the items strewn about the bed unable to deny the evidence right in front of them.  

“Look, I’m sorry. I got nosy and I shouldn’t have gone through your things.  Once I saw what was in the bag I should have put it away.  I let my curiosity get the best of me and I am truly sorry for that.”  She said. “Can we just forget this happened? Please.”   The last thing she needed was her supervisors getting wind of her latest screw up. 

“I’m supposed to forget you invading my privacy, going through my belongings and badmouthing me?”  Evil said skeptically.  “I don’t think so.”  

Once again her eyes were drawn to those taboo items sitting tauntingly on the bed, that little thought from earlier becoming an insistent buzz in her head and she found herself making an offer.

“What if…what if I let you use that stuff on me?”  She said keeping her glance away from his face, not having the nerve to see his reaction. 

“That’s awfully presumptuous of you to think I want you.”  Evil said taking the time to give her a once over.  She was attractive.  Probably not someone who would normally catch his eye, but he found himself considering her offer.   Give him an opportunity to work out some of this frustration that was eating at him before he had to meet up with Sanada to catch their flight.   “Put everything back in the bag, get naked and lay on your back in the middle of the bed.”   He said after a few moments of drawn out silence.  

Dropping his towel Evil retrieved the nylon ropes from his newly restocked duffel climbing onto the bed to straddle the maid as she obediently lifted her hands above her head for Evil to tie her down.   Reaching over he grabbed a pair of nipple clamps attaching them after teasing her nipples into stiffened peaks.  A whimper of pain filled the air and she fought not to cry at the pain.    Moving to straddle her chest Evil pressed his cock through her lips, snapping his hips repeatedly as he buried her cock in her throat time and again making her choke around him as he took his pleasure.  

Choking gasps filled the room when Evil pulled from her mouth and moved down her body.  His thick frame spread her legs as he knelt between them his fingers pushing into her hole without care and roughly finger fucking her until the sounds of her juices could be heard.  Then he pulled out the vibrator turning it on high and pressing it into her cunt as his fingers played with her clit.   She moaned arching her hips to meet the thrusts of the vibrator.   Lost in pleasure she never noticed Evil grabbing the crop until it struck down on the side of her breast ripping a scream from her.

“Not too loud or I’m going to have to gag you.”  Evil said with a smirk.  “Wouldn’t want anyone coming up here and ruining our fun.”  Two quick slaps of the crop once again had her screaming making Evil’s smile drop.  Once again reaching into the bag he grabbed the ball gag and moved up her body fastening it around her head.   Then he resumed slapping her with the crop turning the undersides of her tits bright red as he methodically slapped the tender flesh.   Keeping the vibrator pressed deep inside her Evil moved down her body, slapping the crop of her stomach and thighs before turning the blows on her clit.  His cock grew as he watched the tears leak down her cheeks, eyes pleading for mercy as he covered her flesh with slaps.  

Ripping the vibrator free Evil knelt between her legs and rammed his cock home as he held her legs up over his shoulders.  Rapidly thrusting Evil yanked the clamps off her nipples making her scream around the gag her pussy clenching around him as the pleasure and pain made her cum, Evil’s own orgasm following in quick succession as he grunted and filled her with his seed.  

Pulling free Evil grabbed the vibrator and reinserted it in her still sensitive cunt, flipping it back onto high speed as he put the rest of his items back in the duffle.  He left her there as he moved around the room, dressing and gathering up his belongings as he got ready to meet Sanada.

“You can keep those as souvenirs.”  He called over his shoulder as he left the room leaving her staring after him in dazed shock.  

Evil would admit to feeling much lighter after that little encounter as he checked out in the lobby, making sure to let the front desk know there was a situation in his room that needed to be resolved.  

Walking over to the waiting car he greeted Sanada as he sunk back into the plush leather seats.  That was a nice interlude, but he was going to have to bring one of his regulars over to play hard with him.  The way his eye felt he had a feeling he was going to have a lot of anger to unleash once he met with the doctors. 

[lesbianologist]

long rant ahead (length warning).

note: i’m not mentioning anyone specifically. this is a personal rant and also some experiences i’ve had in this “community”. also, t3rfs don’t touch this fucking post i swear to god.

okay so i am kind of really fucking sick of this performative allyship for lesbians from non-lesbians (anyone who isn’t a lesbian) and the lateral aggression towards lesbians when we speak out about how we’re treated by y’all. i’m really fucking tired of it!!!!!!!!!! i’m talking about how i’ll see a post with 21k notes talking about how Cool and Amazing ™ lesbians are and how y’all are supposedly all Protect Lesbians At All Costs but y’all will be the first to turn around on tumblr or on dating sites and say shit to us like:

“i’m not a lesbian but this doesn’t seem like lesbophobia to me”

“i’m not a lesbian but i don’t think you should be getting mad about this”

“can’t you all just fit under the rainbow flag? why do you need to be distinctly recognized?” (usually y’all will include pan, omni, poly, flux, etc flags!!! fyi!!!)

“yeah but you’re gay so why not just say you’re gay instead?”

“you date nb people... isn’t that just queer though?” (gross misundertanding of nb identities and alignments) / “why don’t you identify as (some other term) since it also covers nb ppl?”

“i don’t think they purposefully excluded only lesbian” (even though every other sexuality is included in a cutesy comic about sexualities)

“don’t you think the word lesbian is a bit aggressive?”

“isn’t the word lesbian a bit regressive?”

“are you sure you’re a lesbian?”

“but you’ve had sex with men before?”

“prove it lol”

“it’s not like lesbians are even oppressed anymore though”

“bisexual/pansexual lesbians exist”

“lesbians have monosexual privilege”

“LGBTELG lgbt except LG” (which was a reblog that was later deleted)

“the Evil LGs”

“LG elitists”

mommy/daddy issue stereotypes

false stereotypes about butch and femme lesbians (eg. “femme means feminine”)

“why do/n’t you conform to gender roles?”

“lesbian used to just mean wlw so lesbian should include wlw who have attraction to men too because lesbian meaning exclusivity to w/w attraction is lesbian separatism” (shitty phrasing but the argument y’all make is that lesbian used to include all wlw so it should just go back to that or whatever the fuck) (tbh this one also makes me the angriest lmao i am a lesbian, and bisexuals aren’t lesbians; we are both distinct beautiful different whole identities)

yes, those are all statements i’ve had said to me or read online (all on here). gOD i could fucking go on and on and on about the fucking lesbophobia i have experienced in this shitty “community” (or whatever it is now honestly) the funniest part is? Y’ALL SEE NO PROBLEM WITH IT. you’ll fully scrutinize a lesbian’s identity down to the core and turn around and joke about us as if you have the fucking right to. not to mention the fucking hypersexualized art of lesbians (eg. lesbians with little to no clothes on; way to go with hypersexualizing us!!) i see on here with like people represented as identities in posts. you give ZERO thought to how it harms us, at all. it’s all cute and dandy to make fun of us for being “clueless lesbians haha uwu” but you won’t recognize that the reason we’re “clueless” isn’t because we’re stupid, but because we’re fucking terrified of violent homophobia. we’re terrified of being beaten and raped and murdered. we’re terrified of the possibility that saying “i’m a lesbian” can entice some men freaks into trying to “correctively” rape us or, god forbid, bludgeon us to death for rejecting him. we’re terrified that the girl we call cute or ask out or whatever might just have her boyfriend waiting to beat the shit out of us (ESP when it’s gnc, trans, and/or butch lesbians) OR ask us to have a threesome with them since lesbian is literally its own “porn category”. idk i just really wish people would stop pretending like “the LGs” or more aptly described by some of you demons on here “the Evil LGs” (or even more aptly, lesbians in general) aren’t marginalized too. frankly i see a lot of lateral aggression lately from the rest of the community towards LG people, especially lesbians. you’ll claim to be our sisters, and then simultaneously do this shit to us. we’re supposedly sisters or family or whatever, but we’re always fucking painted to be the aggressors, and yet you all constantly do it to us and get away with it. if you read all of this and the only thing you gained is getting defensive then you missed the fucking point and you need to sort out your lesbophobia.

like, one of my mutuals (pussysoupforthesoul who deactivated after receiving a lot of lesbophobia, racism, misogyny, etc) wrote about this kind of toxic behaviour pretty frequently, and the amount of people in the “community” who would vehemently defend their lesbophobia was frankly repulsive. irdc anymore how WoKe you pretend to be. just stop talking about lesbians as if we have systematic privilege over y’all when we’re still being murdered in concentration camps in russia or being targeted in hate campaigns or being correctively raped or disowned by our families. stop talking about us like we’re some separate, evil entity that’s plotting against the rest of the community or some separate group of angry dykes just whining.

literally just.... please stop.