#i am so sad and sooo mad
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cdi zelda when link pays attention to something that isn't her for 5 seconds (he's not allowed to do that)
(still beneath cut)
#cdi zelda#loz#link loz#zelda loz#zelink#i am so obsessed with how i interpret the cdi#zelda goes by cat rules: youre not allowed to look at her but youre also not allowed to ignore her#my nyart#i have sooo many alts for this#one is very spookie#so i toned it down to this#for the unaware: my cdi zelda is a mad queen who for example straight up ate someones heart (hektan) and her link is oblivious to this#he may also be fated to execute her one day who knows who knows ! (not really its a misunderstanding but its enough to freak them BOTH out)#something something why did lady alma have link trapped in her mirror? i made it a plot point because im an idiot.#(hint: the answer is she is Also Completely insane)#not everything is sad tho . impa chaperones link and zelda to wendys for example. zelda and link also run a dumb podcast where they do dare#these are just jokes but since i dont have to stick to canon i get to do whatever i want with these#anyway time for tw tags#gif#facial horror#face horror#eye horror#mouth horror#uncanny#horror#unsettling#body horror#scopophobia#its 618 am :) i have been awake for a while#zelda cdi
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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i am a firm believer that ginger would be so popular in the fandom if 1. she had just a tad more screentime and 2. if her main outfit wasnt so hideous
#b.txt#eah#ginger breadhouse#i love ginger and i am sad that shes so underrated...#she has such a perfect aesthetic w the whole cooking/sweets thing going on w her#but her main outfit doesnt do her justice. i feel her sugar coated design looks cuter tho the ponytails are iconic in her design#and also mattel just hates giving any amount of screentime or merchandise to any non white characters on eah smh#and she has sooo little screentime and is so misused in the story and it drives me so mad and crazy and aaaaaaa#another thing: whoever made the rumor that shes not a human and shes a humanoid cookie girl im gonna blow up your house#cause that did irreparable damage to any conversation revolving about her
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oh, great! I cleaned out all my fountain pens before we moved, and then chose just a few to take with me. plus ink, obviously.
except someone took the damn ink out of the bag I had put it in. sooo it's probably in the storage unit now and I won't see it again until April 🙃
#no I know this is fine and not a problem etc etc#BUT#I need to write shit down 😭 I'm feeling baaad and that means it's time to write in my diary and I CAN'T because none of my pens HAVE#ANY INK IN THEM!!#even my bullet journal fountain pen is allllmost out of ink! and I didn't bring any gel pens because why would I???#oooh I am mad rn.#the local stationery shop closed last year soo. I will have to order ink online if I can't find mine. 🙃#yes I know I could use a fucking ballpoint pen or something like a caveman (sorry) but everything but fountain pens hurts my wrist 😭#this is a 'need to write 20 pages that will inevitably turn into 'oh I am so sad because I cannot touch this fictional man' very quickly and#nothing else will help' situation 😭😭😭😭#sooo I will now start figuring out which ink I am going to buy. maybe I'll manage to just get one. hahahaha that was a good joke :')#personal#oh my GOD I just realised I didn't even pack any syringes OR CONVERTERS OR EMPTY CARTRIDGES EITHER#fuck this I just ruined my whole damn day
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i like this card a lot i mean tbh they could release literally any chiaki card and id go crazy But i like it a lot but its not checking anything off my chiaki checklist
#i need. a new card with him with glasses#preferably his actual glasses like its been so many years but since some theme scouts have glasses as part of the outfit#thats ok too okay#i just miss glasses chiaki Sooo much#and also need a !! 5* where he isnt making :D >:D >:] or etc face#just let him cry basically is my request#its honestly funny looking at his !! 5*s its just :D :D >:D :D >:D :] :D >:D even most the bloomeds#which makes more sense and i am less mad about the bloomed cards having basically the same expression but#You know not that i wnt chiaki to be sad or cry (i do) BUTC OEM EOONNENOUUNFOUHHJHLLUHJJHJH#Just like a bit a variety. A bit. A little. come on#hes crying a little in his astreaea atelier Idk how to spell it the gay french card unbloomed#i likethat card a lot its cute i like scared chiaki Oh he should have a scared unbloomed 5* yes yes#anyways third item on my checklist is like a super cutesy chiaki card they dont really let him be cutesy often. i mean he is cutesy.#inherently he is cutesy but u know wha i mean#i still just think its fucked they havent let him look more than a tiny bit displeased since meteor impact#five real life years ago#Meet my demands at once or else/. Happyele theres blood on your hands. Thank you for the delicious food today though
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I am saving up money for a *very* special purchase :3
#inane ramblings#it's sooo cute i need it!#the strong bad and strong sad ones are needs#but the strong mad one is also very cute!#i am obsessed with the strong bad pin he looks so silly and sassy-#i just need six more pounds lol#strong bad 🥊#strong sad 💻
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Regret is stored in white bread
#ugh my tummy is so so very mad at me#one day where I was incredibly stupid and lax on my foodlist#and now like 3 days later I am so full of regret. smoked too much and just didn’t hold myself accountable so now I suffer#like this is wholeheartedly on me and my stupid choices#just ugh#my beautiful leftover soup has some noodles in it and I don’t think I’ll be able to eat it. which is so sad because it was sooo good
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omg i maxed the tags 😭
WHEN HE SAYS. sayin it is the hard but ive spent forever lovin ya—always been the easiest bit ☹️☹️☹️☹️ IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAD BUT IN THE BEST WAY RN
&&&& when he asks u so directly too. when you say u love him but it’s not enough so he asks if ure IN love with him oh my guckdisn im such a sucker for that
AND HE ASKS PERMISSION TO TOUCH YA TOONAKANZJS OHHHH IM LOOOOOOSING IT
😭😭😭😭😭😭
WHEN HE HUGS YOU OHHHHH MY HEART. It reminds me so much of how he did when u fell of that tree 😭😭😭 and and and how despite not touching u for months he still knows u just the same aksndkjx
IF I KISS YA YA GNA CRY AGAIANKSNXKSNSKSJSJ STAWHP I AFNT TAKE THIS
MYYYYY GOOODOODKDKEJDJIEJD IM A BAWLING MESS
im sorry for this mess of a reaction op but. thank u for writing this 🥹🥹🥹🥲🥲🥲🥹🥹🥹🥲🥲🥲 crying so hard rn but i loved this so much its so good 🥹 thank uou thsnk you thNk uou i cant see what im thping rn
leave the light on - miya osamu/f!reader (haikyuu!) part 10 in the bff!osamu series tags: childhood friends to lovers, tw instant coffee mention, miscommunication, confessions, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Onigiri Miya closes early on Sunday nights.
It’s not for lack of business—the shop would certainly take in enough revenue to justify staying open regular hours an extra day per week, especially on a weekend. But in the early days of Onigiri Miya, when it was just a one-man show, Osamu needed at least one night that he could count on having off. The workweek business—office workers and students going through their routine hustle and bustle—kept him going, enough so that Sunday nights weren’t a make or break for him, and he was able to start shuttering in the early afternoon once per week.
He remembers those early days. Sweet talking vendors to bring down the cost of produce and haggling with the grubby, bleary eyed men at fish market stalls at the crack of dawn for a deal on the catch of the day. Promising suppliers that he’d be able to get them their money in a couple of weeks if they’d just give him some more time. Standing on the road, because Onigiri Miya was just a street stall back then, trying to coax people in and try his food. To convince them to take a chance on him. He remembers burns on his hands and cuts on his fingers and an ache in his bones that ran so marrow-deep he forgot what it felt like to not be so sore. Sunday nights were the only night he had to relax. The only night he had to sit down, to take off his hat, and to have a beer—or, even more frequently, pass out on his couch in his uniform at 8pm and sleep right through to his alarm the next morning.
Closing early on Sundays had been your idea, way back when— suggested to him gently while he rested with his head in your lap in your tiny student apartment after another 16 hour workday. He still remembers the worry in your eyes as you brushed his hair back from his tired face.
Nowadays things aren’t so hectic. Osamu’s got a good team of people around him to help Onigiri Miya run smoothly—a team who he trusts and values. It doesn’t all fall onto his shoulders in the same way that it used to: he doesn’t have to be there for every open and every close, his bills are paid, he’s not fighting to lure people in off the street just in the hope that he can scrape by for another week.
Now when he closes early on Sunday, it’s more for the sake of his staff than anything else. Occasionally Osamu will take the night off, too; he’ll go home and catch up on housework, run an errand or two, or even grab dinner—usually with you, though evidently not so much lately. But most Sundays he stays behind after his last employee heads out for the night; locking up behind them, switching off the sign in the window to tell the world the shop is closed, and then holing himself up in his office to do some admin. He’ll grab a plate of whatever’s leftover from the day’s service and a cold can of beer from the fridge, put on a rerun of Atsumu’s game from the night before, and get to work shuffling through the paperwork that he’s left to pile up over the past seven days.
Osamu hates paperwork.
It’s not that it’s particularly challenging work—the really hard stuff is left to his bookkeeper after all. It’s just tedious, a mindless task in many ways, and he always finds his thoughts drifting as he sorts through invoices and inventory registers: catching himself being inattentive halfway through a spreadsheet, and having to force himself to go back to the beginning just to make sure he hasn’t missed anything in his carelessness.
You used to help him with this kind of work, or at least keep him company while he got through it—sitting on the lumpy couch crammed into one corner of his little office and pretending like you weren’t asleep each time Osamu caught you with your eyes closed. More often than not, he’d throw his jacket over you to keep you warm while you napped and then rush through the last of his work so that he could wake you up and get you home. But just having you there on those late nights was enough for him; your presence was the thing that helped.
Coffee is his only saving grace, these days.
Samu shuffles out to the front of the shop on one such Sunday evening, taking off his baseball cap and ruffling the hair underneath tiredly. He’d finally gotten a trim, and he’s glad that things feel a bit more normal again as he rakes his fingers through it—his mother had been right when she remarked that it was getting too long the week before. He tosses his hat down on the front counter of Onigiri Miya, rounding the end to grab a sachet of instant coffee from behind the bar where he keeps his emergency stash.
The overhead lights in the shop are off, but there’s enough brightness filtering out from the still-lit kitchen that he doesn’t need to struggle to see as he prepares himself some hot water to add to the mug in front of him. He tips the granulated contents of his instant coffee sachet into the bottom after ripping it open with his teeth, tapping the empty plastic packaging against the edge of the cup to make sure it all comes out. The kettle behind him hums quietly as it heats to boiling, and Osamu sighs, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest.
He stares out at the restaurant—his restaurant, as hard as he still finds it to believe some days—his gaze sweeping over the tables with their corresponding chairs resting atop them. One of the staff had mopped the floors at the end of the night, which left them still slightly wet and glistening. There’s light filtering in through the front windows from the streetlights and the other shops that line the Osaka street outside, and their glow catches in the water that hasn’t yet dried from the tile.
Osamu’s eyes suddenly snap up to the glass that lines the front of the restaurant.
There’s a silhouetted figure—so familiar he could trace it even with his eyes closed, from memory alone—standing on the other side of the door.
Osamu blinks, thinking that the paperwork must have finally gotten the best of him, or maybe that the beer he’d had earlier is inexplicably hitting him too hard. But no matter how many times he squeezes his eyes shut, the familiar shape stays where it is on the other side of the glass each time he opens them again.
His heartbeat thumps, loud and wet, in his ears.
Like the shot of a gun, the man stumbles gracelessly into action: loping around the end of the bar and slipping slightly on the wet tile as he heads towards the door. He fiddles with the lock as he struggles to unlatch it, accidentally trying to force it the wrong way in his haste before eventually getting it right. When he finally throws open the door, a gust of cool night air flooding into the restaurant along with it, he takes in a deep, gasping breath.
“Hey.”
His voice is shaky when he greets you—mostly air and very little shape to the word.
You stare at him from a few paces away, your arms crossed firmly over your chest and a frown tugging down the corners of your mouth. Osamu thinks you look pretty when you’re mad. He always has. But it’s worse now because he knows all too well that he shouldn’t—because he knows you’re mad at him.
You seem to have something to say, he can tell as much from the almost spiteful glint in your eyes, but you stay tightlipped as you simply stare at him.
“D’ya… wanna come in?” Osamu asks, still holding the door open. He nods his head back into the shop. “Still got some stuff prepped, I could make ya—“
“You’re a jerk.”
Osamu blinks, taken aback.
“Yeah,” he agrees plainly after a moment, thinking it’s only fair of you to say given then circumstances.
His concurrence only seems to upset you more.
“Like, you’re a real asshole, y’know that?” You’re nearly spitting you’re so angry, your features twisted up in contempt. Your arms uncross and drop down to your sides, and Osamu watches as your hands ball into fists. He’s the one who taught you how to throw a punch, years and years ago now, and he’s wondering if he’s about to experience a practical demonstration of his teaching abilities firsthand.
“I don’t necessarily disagree.” He nods, agreeing with you once more, though this time his response is slower, more hesitant—not because he doesn’t mean it, but because he’s not sure that it’s what you want to hear.
“Ugh!” Your following exclamation is loud, and palpably frustrated, all but confirming his suspicions. “You…!”
Your tone is climbing with every passing second, and Osamu looks furtively up and down the road around the two of you. It’s late in the evening but there are still a few people out, and he sees heads turning in your direction at the commotion.
“Hey,” he says, his own voice dropping in volume but still pleading all the same. “My name’s on the door and we’re gettin’ some weird looks. I wanna hear everythin’ you have to say, but could you please just say it to me inside?”
You look at him blankly, your lips puckering into a petulant, unhappy pout. You seem like you want to say no, to keep causing a scene, and for a second Osamu really thinks you’re about to round in on him again. Instead you trudge forward, stomping past him over the threshold of Onigiri Miya.
Osamu hesitates for a moment after you pass, half in shock and half in relief, and then he lets the door swing closed and locks it behind him for good measure—he’s not sure he wants any unsuspecting people coming in search of onigiri and stumbling upon a brawl.
It’s dim in the restaurant when he turns to face you, but he can still see your fury burning in the dark.
Neither of you say anything.
“You can keep goin’ if you want,” Osamu is eventually the first to speak, and he means what he says. This is the least of the punishment he deserves, after all. And hearing you yell at him is markedly better than the silence.
“Martyrdom doesn’t suit you at all,” you mutter sullenly.
Osamu sighs, scrubbing his hand over his face. “I just wantcha to say whatcha came here to say.”
You begin to pace as you work through your thoughts, slowly walking back and forth in front of the counter, picking at your cuticles. You’d put a fair amount of distance between the two of you, and he’s sure it was intentional. Osamu keeps himself confined to the entryway near the door, while you walk a path back and forth along the length of the service counter. His eyes follow every step you take, like a captivated child watching fish at the aquarium.
“I had a terrible dream last night,—” you finally force the words out, your feet stilling against the shiny tile as your pacing comes to a sudden halt.
Osamu decides to just do the right thing and shut the hell up for once, giving you the floor.
“—I was going to buy 30 kilos of rice from Kita-san’s farm—”
That’s a lot of rice, Osamu wants to note, but his lips part to let the words through and then he decides better of it.
“—and I was there, at the farm, and then Kita-san started telling me that you got married and had a baby. A baby, Samu! Kita-san standing there telling me all these terrible things with that big bag of rice in my hands, and I couldn’t even get mad at him because he’s Kita! So I just had to listen to him go on and on and on about the venue and the flowers and the baby name that you picked out. And the more he’d tell me the worse it was, and the bag of rice just kept getting heavier.” Your teeth bite down so hard into your lip as you suck in a breath that Osamu's amazed he doesn’t see blood. “I was hearing all of these things—terrible things—and all I could think was that I should have been there to see all of that for myself. I shouldn’t have been hearing about it from someone else. And I realized that you were living a whole life apart from me, a life that I didn’t know about or get to be a part of, and it just kept getting worse and worse and I woke up and I felt like I was going to scream.”
You’re out of breath by the time you finish your rambling thought, your chest heaving and your eyes wild and your mouth faintly wet. You look to him, and Osamu doesn’t see that same indignation in your eyes anymore, only hurt. He watches as the expression hardens again, whets itself like a blade—sharpened not in anger, but rather in resolve. In resignation.
“That day. I looked for you first.”
Osamu feels lost now. Are you still talking about that dream?
You understand without him saying it, and explain yourself further. “In high school. The day that I kissed Suna.”
Osamu’s stomach drops, all of the blood rushing to his head so quickly that the shop begins to spin a little around him. He can hear his pulse in his ears. He can feel it in his throat. He can’t help the twist of jealousy in the pit of his stomach, writhing and ugly though it may be, at the mere mention of his friend’s name. He doesn’t have the right to feel the way he feels, but it happens all the same.
“I looked for you,” you keep going, like you’ve broken a seal and have to let it all out. Osamu doesn’t dare try to stop you. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. He watches on like it’s a conversation that’s happening not with him but rather to him. “You were eating lunch with Tsumu in your classroom. I realized he would have had a fit if he knew that I was asking you and not him. I thought about asking him but…”
Osamu can’t feel his fingers from how tightly his hands are balled into fists at his side. His lungs burn in his chest—the breath he’s holding having long since lost the oxygen his body needs, though he can’t seem to draw in another.
“If it wasn’t you, I didn’t care who it was. So I asked Suna.”
The young man processes your words slowly. Incompletely. Like only every third word seems to register.
“Ya wanted me to be yer first kiss?” It’s not the question he ought to ask you but it’s the one his brain chooses to spit out.
Your reply is frustrated, but with an unmistakably melancholic rasp running through it. “Yeah. I did.”
Somewhere distantly, Osamu recognizes a sharp, stinging pain. An ache as part of him realizes that it could have been him. All along. All this time. Him. But the pain is muted, because part of him—most of him—still doesn’t quite understand.
“I think that was the first time I realized it.”
Osamu watches your face, maps the achingly familiar lines and dips and curves of your features as he tries to read meaning in the space between your words. But he still finds nothing.
“I liked you, Samu. More than I should have. Differently than I liked Tsumu, or Suna, or any other guy.” You laugh, but it’s a hollow, watery sound. “I realized it and it was awful.”
You’re waiting for him to say something, but Osamu is at a loss for words. No, that’s not quite it either. It’s not that he has nothing to say, but that he has everything he wants to say to you. To ask you. But he doesn’t know where to start, or how to sort through them, or even how to will his lips, teeth, and tongue to shape any of them.
“You… Y’know ya don’t have to say this,” his voice is tight, like a rope drawn to secure a knot not unlike the one in his throat, when he finally manages to speak. “Ya don’t have to pretend or convince yourself that you… felt the same as me. I care about ya too much to ever ask that.”
You laugh—a single, sharp, distinctly mirthless ha!—as you throw your hands up in exasperation. “There you go again not letting me have any say, Samu!” You punctuate your exclamation with a frustrated little sound. “Stop deciding things all on your own and just listen to me.”
That shuts him up again.
“I thought I was over it,”—you begin to pace once more, your steps slow and measured—“I really did. I told myself it would never happen and moved on because I never ever wanted to fuck things up between us. Between any of us.
“You told me that you’ve loved me your whole life, but you don’t know if or when something changed. I do. I had a singular moment that I could point to where I realized that if I did or said the wrong thing after that, I could fuck up something that meant more to me than anything else in the world. Even if you felt the same way I did, there’s no guarantee that something like that would work out. But if we tried and it didn’t work, we wouldn’t be able to just go back to how things were. So I told myself that no matter what I wouldn’t. No matter how hard it was or how awful it felt. I could get over it if it meant I never had to lose you. And it was fine. For years it was fine. We were fine. Everything was fine. And then I lost you anyway.”
You suddenly stop pacing and crouch down, your arms winding themselves around your knees as if to comfort yourself.
“That night, when you…” You swallow, and risk a glance up at him. “I don’t think I’m over it.”
Osamu feels like he might die. Maybe he did already. Maybe this is his life passing before his eyes, because it’s always been you anyway.
“But it’s scary, Samu,” your voice is so small, so vulnerable, when you speak to him again. You’re trembling as you hold yourself. “Aren’t you scared?”
Osamu is suddenly reminded of that fall day in the woods, so many years ago now. Reminded of two kids who didn’t know what they were doing. Who didn’t know anything. But who knew each other.
Slowly, Osamu crouches too—his joints cracking in protestation as he drops his body down to your level. Your eyes never leave his.
“Yeah,” he says, after a moment. Soft but sure. “‘Course I am.”
You let out a soggy, incredulous laugh, but it somehow doesn’t feel out of place. He watches as you reach up and scrub at your eyes.
“I love you,” Osamu says, because it’s true. Because there’s no other words he can possibly think to say in this situation. Because it’s the only thing that he has in his mind.
You look over at him, sniffling a little, wiping at your running nose with the back of your hand in a way that Osamu absolutely should not find as endearing as he does. “How can you just say it like that? Like it’s so easy?”
Osamu wants to laugh too, like you did earlier, but he worries that the sound might come off as almost hysterical thanks to the misplaced hope he can feel simmering in the pit of his stomach. “Sayin’ it’s the hard part, that’s why it took me so long. But I’ve spent forever lovin’ ya. S’always been the easiest bit.”
You choke back a sob, your head hanging defeatedly as your body slackens. You’re a ghost of the angry little thing that was outside of his door only a few minutes earlier, but more yourself now than Osamu has seen you in weeks.
“What about you?” he poses the question so quietly he might worry you didn’t hear him if not for how silent the dark shop is around you both.
“What do you mean?” You know what he means. He knows you know what he means. You’re stalling, trying to buy yourself time that’s run out now.
“Do you love me?” he asks, praying to anyone who’s listening that he’s been a good enough man up until this point to deserve the answer that he wants to hear more than anything else in the world.
“Of course I do,” you say evasively, refusing to meet his gaze. But it’s not the same. It’s not enough.
“But are you in love with me?” Osamu finally dares to ask.
There’s a stretch of the most painful, profound silence that either of you have ever experienced. It goes on for an eternity, though the clock hands in the corner say differently.
You still refuse to look at him, your gaze fixed instead to a point on the wall on the other side of the restaurant. Osamu watches how the light from the windows catches in the tears that cling to your bottom lashes.
“Yeah, I am,” you say, barely a whisper. You speak the confession like it’s the most terrifying thing imaginable. Like it's wretched.
And it is maybe, but Osamu’s never felt happier to hear anything in all his life—he feels a rush of something so visceral and elated flowing through him, he thinks he might pass out.
“Can I touch ya?” he asks hesitantly, his voice thick and unlike its normal tone. He hardly recognizes it as his own.
You peek over at him for the first time, and Osamu revels in the feeling of having your eyes on him. Delights in watching you watch him and knowing that behind the gaze is the same feeling as the one he holds inside of himself. You consider it for a moment, and he doesn’t dare rush you, but eventually—mercifully—you nod.
Osamu inches forward slowly and wraps you in his arms. Your body relaxes into his hold instantly, and he pulls you into his lap on the tiled floor. He holds you so tightly that he’s scared he might break you, but he still can’t find it in himself to be more delicate. You cling to him anyway.
It’s the first time he’s touched you in months, but every inch of you is still known to him. Still familiar in every way that matters. You smell the same. You feel the same. You’re soft and warm just like always. Osamu buries his face into the crook of your neck, and your fingers eventually lift to play with the hair at his nape. He holds you, and holds you, and holds you more—sating a thirst that’s been building for longer than the time the two of you have been apart.
And you let him.
You hold him too, in the same way.
“If I kiss ya, you gonna cry again?” Osamu asks you quietly after a while, his lips brushing against your throat as he murmurs the words.
You snort, your fingers twisting into the material of his t-shirt at his shoulders. Osamu peels himself away from you and looks up, and finds that your faces are so close. Too close, in any other circumstance.
His palm lifts, cupping your cheek in his hand, running his thumb against the smooth skin underneath.
“Shut up, Samu,” you say, a little smile twisting up the corner of your mouth.
And Osamu happily obliges by pressing his lips to yours.
#oh i am being hit with so much soft i could cry 🥺 sundays had been your idea 🥺 how youd been so worried in your tiny apartment 🥺 UGH#hq!!#osamu#i love that he watches reruns of atsumus games :((((#your presence was the only thing that helped ☹️☹️☹️ how much he gates paperwork but does his best to get thru it so he can bring u home#IM CRYING SO HARDBWLSKWKNZKSJS#HOW HE STUMBLED TO YOU OH I ALSKSNS I AM SOOOO#oh my god ih my gdo oH MY GOD. HOW HE FUMBLES WITH THE LOCK TOO 😭😭😭 HES SO PRECIOUS MY HEART IS ACHIDNFKSHS#osamu thinks youre pretty when youre mad :(( always has :(( IM SOOO SAD#he’s soooo… just sooooo. despite everything. he goes to you in a heartbeat. listens to everything you say. mY GOD#PLS THE WAY HE THINKS THIS IS GNA END IN A BRAWL 😭💀#you can keep going if you want <- WHERE CAN I GET A HIM. WHERE. ph my GOOOOOOD im clecnhing my chest#i looooove that he always gives you space. gives you time to say what you want to say. IMS O#JWKDNKENDJD WHEN U TELL HIM OF UR DREAM. OF HIM GETTIGN MARRIED AND HAVING A BABY AND IT BEING SUCH BAD THINGS. AND U COULDNT EVEN GET MAD#COS ITS KITA 😭😭😭😭😭😭#JAKXNSKNZJD IM CRYING SO HRD#oh my god. you looked for him first. im gonna cry BAWLING RN ACTUALLY#abf the emotions osamu goes thru oh i am just &/@.!:& this is making me feel a BAJILLION things#you looked for him and if it wasnt him u didnt care who it was anymore :(( IM CRYING 😭😭😭#iT COULD HAVE BEEN HIM AISNSKSNSJJSJS IMC RUIFN THE FIRST TIME U REALISED IT#oh god ih god ih god how u realised u liked him differently and way more than any other guy and it was awful <- SO REAL SO FELT IM CRYING#oh goooooood u know when it changed oh dosnxisnsksns#that reference to his confession IM SOBBING#HEKDNEJXJD IF IT MEANT I NEVER HAD TO LOSE YOUSSNJZJSJS IM CRYING CUEKDKDK IM CRYING!!!!!#im crying sooo hard rn#because its always been you anyway GOOOOOD IF DODNKDNXJDJD#oh my god when he crouches down :(( tells you ofc he is :(( oh my fod im shjsjzjs ACTUALLY SHAKING FROM CRYING#SOFT BUT SURE. COURSE I AM. COURSE HE FUCKING IS :(((#AND HWRB HE TELLS YOU HE LOVES WHEN HE FUCKING TELLS YOU OHHHB IM A MESS RN SUCH A MESS#he loves everything abt u even the way u rub ur snotty nose 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im sobbingisnxjd
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still kind of get surprised when i see someone else try to pick up creach or something & he struggles & whines & complains & shit like okay i maybe see what people mean when they call my beautiful well behaved lovely feline boy """feral"""
#my mom picked him up exactly the same way i do & he was sooo mad but when i pick him up he literally starts purring#both her & my sister tried to look in his mouth today & he was super mad about it#but when i tried he just let me & was very good about it#my entire family: he's the FAMILY cat he belongs to all of us#creach: sleeps in my bed. lets me pick him up. lets me kiss his tummy. comes running when he sees im awake. wants me to eat with him#it's because i am the first human hes like. bonded with#& also ive lived with him longer than they have (he is definitely NOT the family cat) & have been training him the whole time#he WAS feral btw. but he was a kitten so he tamed down pretty easy#the secret is just sit in the same room & watch a livestream. cats love livestreams#unless it's jerma for some reason??#also having a dog with me that literally just sits there & very specifically ignores any cat he sees helped#but now creach LOVES ben & it's so sad seeing him trying to bond but ben just ignores him#like come on man. sit with him at least
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࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 05:56 P.M 」
this has been rotting in my drafts for like months :'D based on a suggestion idea a while back—how gojo will definitely land himself in a police station, and since i have no better fic to share yet, i'll just post this :')
a part of gojo's love entries
everyone—or particularly, nanami—has warned you that marrying gojo satoru is going to be far from easy.
and true, less than a month since the two of you were married, he had landed himself in a police station. police station! of all places!
still, you were worried when you got the call, but when you rushed inside the place, all your worries—
“i’m telling you! i’m innocent!”
“sir, please don’t raise your voice here!”
“YOU are raising your voice against me!”
—evaporated. because… what the hell?
satoru, looking cross as if he owned the whole precinct, sat with his legs crossed high. he wore all black and his eyes was covered by that stupid blindfold. and with that haughty attitude, if someone accused him of being a suspicious person, now you would totally understand.
you were fuming as you stomped to where he was. “satoru!”
“oh?!” he turned to you with a wide grin, then to the officer in front of him, pointing at you. “look! i’ve been telling you. i have a wife— and there she is!”
the officer eyed you suspiciously as if he wanted to confirm your identity, and you huffed. “it pains me to admit that i’m his wife—”
“wha?! it ‘pains’ you?! i’m hurt!”
“—but yes, i am. officer, what do i have to do to get him out here?”
you could’ve sworn the officer gave you a look of pity. “ma’am, so we received a report that your… err, husband, was publicly harassing two students—”
you widened your eyes, turning to him accusingly. “you—!”
“i was not!” satoru fiercely interrupted, eyeing the police with clear disdain. “if i want to harass girls, shouldn’t i harass my wife first?!”
you were speechless as you shot him a look of disbelief.
“but sir, the girls said that you have been ‘leering’ at them—”
“i was just passing by! i didn’t even look at them! and when i have a wife this hot—” satoru wildly gestured at you with both hands. “what use is anything else?!”
dear lord. please give me strength. you felt like losing your head over this as you clutched your temple.
“sir, you’re being too loud!”
“i’m telling you, you’re slandering me! that’s crime too!”
this was utter chaos and you finally had enough. “both of you, just...” you breathed out— “shut up!”
both the police and your husband looked at you in surprise as you glared at them with so much ire they would have never expected out of you.
in the end, to settle this fiasco, you ended up paying the fine.
“wifey... forgive me, please?”
satoru dejectedly followed you from behind like a sad puppy as you entered your home. “please? don’t be mad at me...”
you suddenly stopped in your tracks, before whirling to face him, squinting one eye. “you got arrested, made a fool out of yourself, and i bailed you out. so, give me three good reasons why i shouldn’t be mad at you.”
“uh, w-wait...”
“three, two—”
“i-i’m a good kisser! i let you have my body!” he blurted in panic. “and oh—while at it, i also satisfy you sooo well in bed!”
how did you end up with a clown for a husband? despite yourself, you almost laughed at his response, and satoru obviously saw it as a sign of him succeeding. and before you knew it, he leaned and pecked you in the lips.
“look at you, you just smiled!” he giddily grinned as he pulled away. “i’m right, aren’t i!?”
“ha ha...” you let out an exasperated sigh, suppressing your laugh and faint heat in your face at the same time. “satoru...”
his eyes were practically shining. “yes?!”
“you and couch. tonight.”
#𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk drabbles#jjk crack#gojo satoru#satoru x reader#jjk imagines#jujutsu kaisen x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru fluff#jjk fluff#gojo x you#satoru gojo fluff#jjk x reader fluff#gojo fluff
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Loving you is all I need
Leah Williamson x reader fluff
Leah and reader get stuck in an elevator together while they are fighting.
this is just a quick blurb
warnings: slight angst but also fluff
Words:650
"Hold the door" You yelled as you ran to the elevators. You and Leah had been fighting the previous night so you were a bit late to training. Someone sticks their arm out of the elevator to keep the doors from closing.
"Oh.. hi Lee" You said when you realized who was in the elevator.
"Hi Y/n"She said coldly to you and pressed the button with number six on it.
"are you seriously still mad at me? You never call me by my name it’s always some nickname" You frowned a little.
"I'm not mad. Just disappointed. I thought you wanted to get married with me but guess not" Leah said sounding hurt.
"But I do want to-" You started when the elevator stopped. You fell to the ground from the sudden stop.
"Shit y/n/n, are you okay?" Leah asked clearly worried.
"Yeah I think I am but my ankle hurts a little" You answered. Leah didn't respond but started pushing different buttons to call to someone that the elevator stopped.
"It's not working. Fuck this. Why there would read that if you push that button it would call somewhere when it doesn't fucking work" Leah said panicking a little.
"Leah calm down. Come and sit with me. Soon someone will realize that we didn't show up to training." You said to the blond woman.
She sat down next to you and calmed her breathing. You sat there a while in an awkward silence until you spoke.
"I'm sorry that I said no to your proposal but you never really gave me a chance to explain myself. You just got sad and left" You started.
"Well can you explain now. Whe have been together for 3 years and we have known each other for ten so what's the problem here? Or do you just not love me anymore?" Leah asked shyly.
"Oh Lee nothing like that. I love you so much and you know that. I won't ever leave your side. But it's just.. You remember how messy the divorce was between me and ex. It wasn't good for anyone and my mental health went so low. I just don't want to go through that again" You answered with tears in the corners of her eyes.
"Sweet I would never hurt you. I wouldn't cheat you like she did. I will do anything to protect you and I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have kid's with you and I want to grow old with you. I don't want to spend another day alone. All I want is you my love"
"Okay then ask me " You said quietly.
"Huh?" Leah asked confused.
"Aske me again" You said again and Leah flipped you to sit on her lap. She looked right in your eyes and asked.
"Y/f/n. Will you marry me?" Leah asked smiling.
"Yeah" You answered laughing and crying and then kissed the blonde.
You sat there kissing passionately a while, own bubble. Suddenly the elevator started moving again and you had to snap back to reality.
Soon the doors opened and Leah stood up, then helping you. You then walked to the team room. You were limping and Beth came running to you.
"Oh My God. Are you guys okay?" Beth asked worried, Viv by her side.
"Better than ever." You said smiling. Then you looked at Leah and kissed her.
"Sooo we have some news for you guys" You started.
"Don't say you too are leaving Arsenal" McCabe said quickly.
"What, no! Why would you think that?" Leah asked laughing.
"I just saw a dream about it. Did you guys know th-" Katie started but Buv interrupted her.
"Just tell us the news" Viv said inpatient.
You looked at each other and said.
"We are getting married"
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bite me(part 4)- matt sturniolo
part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4
summary: matt hates your guts but all of that changes when he wakes up and finds out your his mate.
contains: vampire!matt x reader, highschool au! (18 years old), dark themes, death, smut (not in this part)
——————————————————————————
“well its three am. i thought your lazy ass would be asleep” matt sighs “but if you want to go now we can, shes definitely up. let me call her and let her know. be ready in ten minutes.” he emphasizes the ten like a father talking to a child that can’t manage time.
i didn’t even get bitter about it though, instead, my heart pangs at the thought of matt being on good enough terms with a girl to be calling at 3 am. “just the mating bond” i mutter to myself as i peel my clothes from the day before off in exchange for new ones. as soon as i walk out the room, matt is right there.
“awww, is someone jealous? don’t lie, i felt it sweetheart. i wanna hear you say it. say you want matt alll to yourself. go on” he teases me relentlessly causing my cheeks to heat up. “shut up” i groan but then decide to tease him back. lets play on this mating bond thing while i still can
i smirk and walk up to matt and place my hands on his chest. his eyes darken and his hands are clamped to his sides, probably to stop himself from touching me too. i sigh at the fact and then make my move.
“im all yours, matt.” i say seductively. “aren’t you mine?” you question looking up at him with doe eyes. matts gaze darkens even further and he can’t stop himself from grabbing my waist and bringing me closer. he dips his head down and i think he’s going to kiss me. instead he brushes his lips against my ear, “what are you doing to me?” he whispers more to himself then to me. i smirk before pulling away “nothing.” i shrug, “didn’t know the mating bond could take away your ability to answer simple questions”, i add nonchalantly. matt rolls his eyes at this. “you are sooo annoying, i can’t wait till im rid of you” he says turning his back on me and walking, a silent way to tell me to follow. i do, laughing at the effect i have on him.
we walk outside to matts van and are met by chris. “your sitting in the back” matt snips, looking in chris’ direction. “y/n your up front with me” he says choosing to not look at me.
“come on man, your still mad about that?? i was just trying to help!” chris practically whines. matt just huffs and grabs me, practically throwing me in the frontseat. chris climbs into the back dejectedly and i ask whats on my mind.
“chris, not that i mind you here, because i don’t, but why ARE you here?” i question. this was a problem strictly between me and matt. my mind reels at the thought that i actually would have preferred it to just be me and matt. a day ago i literally didn’t want to sit next to him in class….
he sighs and i look back and am suprised by the pain on his face. “my mate was already dead when she was given to me.” he whispers. just by being around matt, i can tell how big of an effect the bond can have, and i can’t imagine how sad he must be at the loss. “i’m so sorry, chris” i say softly. even matt looks sorry for him. he looks at his face through the review mirror while starting to reverse out of the driveway. chris just shakes his head, trying to shake the feelings away.
“its okay, i’m sure madi will be able to make everything go away.” chris offers me a half smile. “i hope so” i say giving him a reassuring smile in return before turning to matt. i roll my eyes at his sour face, he’s clearly jealous but he refrained from saying anything because of the nature of the conversation. “are you going to get jealous every time i talk to ANYONE but you?? he’s your brother! and who the fuck is madi?” i say, cringing at the jealous tone in my voice. matt side eyes me before answering my questions. “can’t exactly help the way i feel, i told you that, so stop punishing me for it. i don’t see chris complaining!” he adds looking for support. “yeah no not at all” chris chirps awkardly at being included in the argument. i’m about to say that chris is just trying to get back in his good graces but matt continues. “and madi’s practically our sister, right chris?” chris nodds in agreement and i sigh. “how exactly is she going to help us?” chris eyes matt suspiciously after i asked.
“what? you didn’t tell her?”he questions and i look to matt, whose eyes are set on the road ahead of us. tell me what??
“shes a witch.” matt says matter of factly.
——————————————————————————
we pull into the driveway and a pretty girl with long black hair is standing outside waiting. sister my ass.
chris runs out of the car to greet her. “MADI!!!” he runs and jumps into her arms sending her into a fit of giggles. i couldn’t help but smile at the sight. maybe shes not so bad after all…
“are you going to get out of the car, or are you gonna stare at my brother some more??” matt snips. “oh my god can you stop with that” i say while climbing out the car. in an instant, madi is by my side.
“Hey, y/n, its nice to meet you. you’re super pretty by the way.” she smiles warmly at me and all my weariness about her fades away. “thank you, so are you” i smile back at her. she turns to matt, who is looking off into the distance pretending to not hear about anything we’re saying. “what brings you here, tough guy?” she knew my name but she didn’t know why i was here?
“i’m looking to get rid of the mating bond between us” he gestures to me and him. madi’s eyes widen slightly. “you know that if you get rid of the bond both of you die, right?” she says questioning why he’s even trying. i spin around to matt, hurt coursing through me. “you’d rather die than be with me?”, my voice wavers with hurt and i hate it. quite frankly, i didn’t want to die either, so he didn’t just put me at risk but both of us. matt grabs my shoulders and shakes them. “relax, i’m not dying for your sorry ass.” he scoffs before turning both me and him back towards madi, “i’m just looking for a cheat code, if there is one.” he says. “i think i know what you mean” she replies and turns beckoning us to follow her into her home. we walk in and i can’t help but oggle at how nice it is. she looks back and sees my face. “you like it?” she laughs. i smile and nod, continuing to look around the house. matt places his hand on my back gently to help guide me. his touch grounds me and i suddenly feel apprehensive about losing this feeling. not him, just the feeling, you think to yourself, trying to justify your emotions
“what are you thinking about?” matts eyebrows are furrowed clearly confused on the sudden onslaught of emotions. “the telepathy shit is a real pain in my ass.” you sigh completely avoiding his question. matt chuckles, “you’re telling me.”
me, matt, and madi end up in a office type space. there’s a desk in the middle of the room and it has a large book in the middle of it. madi puts some glasses on and flicks her wrist. the book goes flying open and lands on a certain page. wow, that was so cool, you gush over her abilities. for a while, the room is completely silent as madi reads. matt grabs my hand and i feel his nervousness surge through me. i don’t know why but something in me wants to comfort him and tell him everythings going to be alright. i don’t though, because lets be honest, i have no idea.
“ahhh, okay” madi starts taking the glasses off her face. “i can take away the symptoms of the bond, like the telepathy and the-“ she clears her throat, “sexual urges” she raises her eyebrows. “andd the death by distance” my own eyebrows raise and she sighs.
“he really didn’t tell you anything did he? if you had spent even a week apart both of your bodies would secumb to the bond. without the other, the bond won’t let either exist” she says matter of factly and i note that she is really well versed in the subject. chris comes in to the office and sits awkwardly in one of the chairs, waiting for me and matt to be done so he could talk to madi.
madi isn’t quite finished telling us about her solution though. “but i can’t take away the other thing” matts grip on my hand tightens and i look up at him. “what’s she talking about??” i say softly seeing his nervous face. “if you die, i die. and your human, so your chances of dying are wayy higher.” he breathes out and an uncontrollable shiver goes through me.
“but its okay, matt, i can do a protection spell on her. nothing will harm her after that, trust me.” she says trying to ease him and i feel his nervousness let up a little. she continues, “its an incantation and i can’t do it until sunrise. its not easy but i can manage” she says confidently. “do you want me too?” she ask softly while looking at our conjoined hands. much to my disliking, matt lets go of me.
“do it.”
@bbernard-03
@sturnthepot
@hoeformatt
@sturtriple16
@faygo-frog
@sturniol0s
@katie-tibo
@cindylcuwho
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo smut
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You reblogged that Sam gifs post and it reminded me of that headcanon i have of being Sam’s friend but you’re feisty and take no one’s shit. Like he’s always takes the high road and you’re like when they go low i go lowER. I would fight that Akufo dude for him no questions asked.
hi wifey <3 you are absolutely right!! i fucking love that idea of Sam having a bestie who'd throw hands for him.. it's on sight all the time.
special thanks to @sokkigarden for bouncing ideas off me, love you bby. okay, i wanna write about being friends w the AFC Richmond boys more, so if yall have ANY thoughts on being friends with ANY of the lads then send me requests on it so we can DISCUSS
OKAY BUT BEING BESTIES WITH SAM OBISANYA
he's such a wholesome and loyal friend... a breath of fresh air yknow?? Dani is more of that 'unconditional sunshine' energy, but Sam is positive whilst still keeping it real w you
and sooo you're hella loyal to him too. well, you're loyal to everyone you care about. you'd take a bullet for them, no questions asked, but probs a lot of cussing involved (same, but i'll come back to this)
sharing an airpod each if yall go out on a walk or join the team on a bus ride - if you're dating jamie then he NEEDS you next to him on the ride back, probs uses your shoulder to sleep on and has an arm around your waist so you can't leave, but that's a diff post ahahaha
having a shared spotify playlist that you both keep adding music too...the vibes are all over the place. "Y/N, I was trying to jam out to J.Cole, and then Adele came on??" "Oh yea, I was sad bout something earlier"
blanket forts and microwaveable caramel popcorn for when he's missing home
playing as him in FIFA when you're with the lads and yellin "YEA THATS MY BESTIE" every time you score as him
pinching his earlobes like his dad would for good luck on the days of a big match/when he's really nervous
since opening OLA'S, you join him when he attends small business owner conventions, but that's mainly to try the free food
since i'm vegetarian, telling him that his menu looks great but you can only stick to sumn like the jollof rice.. so next month when he invites you over to his restaurant for a catchup dinner there's a whole new lil section for vegetarian dishes on the menu (or whatever dietary inclusivr thingy etc.)
warning Sam about Afuko because "a man simply doesn't feed you pasta and lobster and send you a stack without something in mind" and him being like ??? what and you groan, "did you watch the tiktoks I sent you??"
hearing about how the Afuko rejection went and Sam only focusses on "he called me medium talent??" and you're SEETHING
you're like "what the living F U C K" and he's like "oh hey Y/N, don't worry, I know I am not medium talent" and you're like "what? no, shut up, obviously not, but that's not the POINT here. how did that ASSHOLE have the audacity to speak to you like that?!!"
you're searching up flights to Nigeria and opening a google map from the airport to Afuko's business residence or something, and Sam is like, "seriously, forget that guy. bullet dodged." and you're angrily muttering about how Afuko's gonna have to dodge the bazooka you're gonna smuggle onto the plane
"We cannot be best friends if you end up in jail because you tried to smuggle a bazooka onto the plane." "I just wanna talk to him...with a bazooka." "No." "Pleas-" "No."
telling Sam you might be getting feelings for Jamie and being nervous he'd be mad because of their relationship in S1, but you promise he's changed, and Sam is like, I know
wearing the Obisanya jersey and the rest of the boys are like 'hey why don't you ever support our merch' so like every match you're switching out jerseys before texting a pic to the groupchat
running into that Francis guy who's Afuko's right-hand man and "accidentally" stepping on his foot real hard like OOPS
giving him updates on your love life and vice versa. "Y/N, please tell me this one is not a loser." "Um, Sam, shut up; you know my rizz only seems to work on losers??" "hey, Jamie told me that telling a woman my favourite movie is Ratatouille is a bad idea... is it?" "just bake her a lasagna or something and say that's how you learnt to cook." "I am not doing that." "dammit, I thought we'd get lasagna for dinner"
doing random tiktok trends or challenges - the baking one where one person is blind, one is deaf, and one is mute, but they all gotta work together to bake a cake!! sam (tape around his mouth) x you (blindfolded) x jamie (loud ass headphones on)
jamie: pass the FOOKIN sugah!! *back turned to yall as he stirs the mix*
you: WHAT. WHERE. *randomly smacking shit, picking up the salt and dropping it on the counter and onto a spoon*
sam: mmmhnph! *waving his hands in your face like NO but you can't see*
you: *turning to jamie with a spoonful, which he probs tastes absentmindedly whilst stirring* OI TASTE THIS
jamie: FOOKS SAKE
#sam obisanya#besties with sam obisanya#sam obisanya x reader#ted lasso#ted lasso x reader#jamie tartt x reader#afc richmond
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nnnooo you cant do d-16 with baby fever to me. you cant make me imagine him staring longingly at the transformers holding their little bitties or pushing them in strollers. gawd imagine if while on the way to work one day d-16 came across a lost little cogged sparkling who glommed onto him and he just fellll in love. those big optics staring up at him as it holds its hands up in a plea to be held, and yes a cogged sparkling definitely is a bit heavy and big for a cogged bot to hold, but it just feels sooo nice for him to cradle this sweet little baby close, like he's been missing it. of course when they get to the mines darkwing rips the sparkling from his arms and berates him for getting his dirty miner hands all over a transformer sparkling , maybe even acting like d-16 kidnapped it . he was gonna hit him but the sparkling starts wailing and trying to get away from darkwing (who has absolutely no parental instincts and is holding it like a football) poor dee is sooo sad as darkwing stomps out of the mines with it, those miserable cries tugging at his spark. he almost causes a cave-in from how fucking hard he pounds the drilling equipment into the cave wall that shift, but grits his teeth and says "darkwing was right, miners aren't supposed to have sparklings, we're just cogless bots who are supposed to mine," when orion asks him if he's okay. this is making me sad i need to imagine him [kellogg centipede makes loud noises of distress as the freudian centipede raises its head] i dont have to imagine anything. i am celibate.
arghh D16 taking care of a little transformer baby for a few minutes is just too adorable... the bitty is so big and clingy, and he's in love. he would love to have one of his own, it makes him irrationally mad that he's not allowed to...
(The rest of this post was removed to comply with Celibacy Week guidelines)
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my first time watching succession: oh my god kendall roy is such tragic figure. logan is such an asshole. shiv’s got so much anger and tom’s so sad. this show is so heartbreaking. what the hell. roman is funny, though. greg too. also they say “fuck” way too much.
second time watching succession: wait this is a goddamn comedy isn’t it? lmao kendall roy is just a little clown baby. connor is my favorite character because i hate him so much. willa is my second favorite character because i hate connor so much. kendall is fucking insufferable. wait kendall almost DIED?!* i think they still use “fuck” too much.
third time watching succession: oh wow. ok. this show is funny, but also it’s about the tragedy of sexual violence and the way it has subtly and unnoticeably crept into and then metastasized throughout every branch of this media conglomerate, which in turn influences the minds of at least half of the country. yikes ok. roman is a strange little creature. kendall is actually insufferable from the beginning of the show—his issues are exacerbated with drugs but there’s something deeper going on. i no longer think they overuse the word “fuck.” in fact, i think i could write an essay on the way they use the word “fuck.”
fourth time watching succession: oh okay this show isn’t just about the slow and subtle creep of sexual violence throughout the business and the way it waits to blow up suddenly like a time bomb—it’s also about the blatant sexual violence that is thrown in your face from the very first episode but which you overlook or don’t notice because we’re so desensitized to the use of sexual language to describe business activities. it probably means something that even though logan claims to have never actually committed any sexual assault, his medical issues are still often related to his dick, but in a not-sexual way—compare how he went piss mad from a UTI to how sandy furness had dementia because of a sexually transmitted infection (even though that’s probably a rumor, logan did start it). and the show is also about childhood trauma and neglect, and roman roy is the most fascinating character to walk across my screen since i don’t even know. i can’t even articulate what it is i find so interesting about him, but it has to do with how he is so flexible with his words so that everyone thinks he’s on their side and he kind of really IS on everyone’s side, because he wants to be liked sooo bad and the details don’t matter as much as that. and it’s also about bodily autonomy and sex as power vs sex as love vs sex as whatever the hell is going on between greg & tom. i am obsessed with the way the roys will say “(x) fucked me��� and so rarely add the usual “over” to the phrase, turning every description of revenge or betrayal into an act of sexual violence. i could write a fucking dissertation on the way the show uses the word “fuck.”
*i was drunk when i watched the last two episodes and completely missed a healthy chunk of them. the irony of this is not lost on me.
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Realize where you belong.
Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader
Chapter 6
CW: lots of angst, jealousy is not even the right word to describe neteyam's state anymore, emotionally hurt neteyam, yandere neteyam, reader has a hard time trying to fight her feelings for neteyam, mentions of using someone with the intention of forgetting someone else, mild violence, mentions of sexual fluids, possessive and territorial neteyam, mentions of depressive symptoms, use of alcohol, feelings of fear, tension, confessions of love, fluff. I think that's all (??)
✨ IM BACK ✨ I can't even believe I managed to finally update this fanfic! 😂 All of a sudden I spent days on end being a 24/7 nurse for my spayed kitten and didn't have time for anything + having to give her 2 different pills at 2 different times, all during the am hours, plus another one in the morning, left me SOOO sleep deprived. It was horrible. Thank God she doesn't have to take the pills anymore. ANYWAY lol Guys, in the beginning of the chapter until the middle of it, I think, I know you guys are gonna want to murder me or reader or both (you know that y/n meme with the pic of the blonde girl "choking" her own shadow in the wall, saying like "babe this is not us" or smth? so… pretty much that! lol) BUT I PROMISE it's gonna be really good in the end 🥲 trust me, please 🥺 it's the moment most of us (yes, me included!) have been waiting for! 💕 Also, this is a longer chapter, compared to the usual. Maybe a compensation for my absence? Idk! lol I just hope you guys like it! haha OKAY if I say anything else, it'll be a spoiler lol love y'all to death!!! my readers are my babies, my lil angels… I truly freaking love you guys so much!!! 🫀⚘
Not proofread.
Chapter 5
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body
Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all
(...)
I can see you staring, honey, like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me
Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancin' on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury
exile (Taylor Swift, Bon Iver)
ˏˋ°•*⁀➷
The air was thick and chaotic at the Olo'eyktan's hut that morning. Everyone seemed to be a bit too restless, either getting ready to go show up to their duties to the clan, like Neytiri, or thinking about some personal struggle, like Kiri, who was lost in thought, looking a bit sad. But she was also mixing some herbs and flowers, preparing a thick, violet colored substance that was used to treat wounds, that she would later give to Neytiri. Kiri would always help Neytiri a lot, assisting her in her Tsahìk position in the Omatikaya clan.
But Neteyam still stood out among the whole family. He was unmistakably grumpy that morning, Lo’ak noticed, as he was - once again - watching the weird way his older brother was behaving. Neteyam was not being his usual calm and caring self. He was not trying to take care of everyone, not giving out smiles and trying to cheer his siblings up. He was even distracted when Jake was giving him instructions about how today's training would go and giving him other orders, like telling him to keep an eye on Tuk whenever he's able to, as she was growing and becoming even smarter, more energetic and mischievous and was starting to get into more trouble, sometimes even picking fights with other girls in the clan, becoming a bit too much like Lo'ak, which had been making Jake rub the sides of his forehead in worry lately, way more often than he liked to admit.
"The Mighty Warrior, distracted when dad is telling him what to do?! What the fuck is happening?!" Lo'ak thought. Something was very wrong. And Lo’ak was determined to find out what it was.
Neteyam sat with his legs slightly open, his hands were crossed, his elbows resting on his knees. He had a lost stare in his eyes, gazing at the nothingness, looking like he was mad at someone who had just maybe punched him in the face.
He did not know how to deal with it all, that turmoil of emotions you were causing inside him felt overwhelming to the Sullys first born. He had taken on just so many challenges throughout his life and conquered most of them, but he feared you were gonna be a war that he might lose. He had to admit it bruised his ego. Suddenly, he did not feel like such a Mighty Warrior after all. An adversary that most people would judge as a weak one compared to him, a mere human girl, so small in comparison to his size, was defeating him. Suddenly all his skills with bows, arrows, big knives and even big, intimidating shotguns were not enough.
And Neteyam felt lost. He did not know what to do. For the first time in his life, his rational and smart brain could not seem to produce a war strategy that could help him win. Win you. He felt just like a wounded warrior, bleeding on the floor.
༊⁀➷
You decided to finally answer Derek’s messages today, after ghosting him for a while. You were feeling weird and lonely. And shaken. God, still so shaken... What the hell happened last night? Did that really happen? Was it all just a dream? You could swear those words Neteyam Suli had given you, about how he was in love with you, that his hauntingly tall and broad figure, vulnerable, kneeling on the ground in front of you, telling you he could tell you desired him too, had all been just part of a weird, eerie, anxious, borderline wet dream.
You knew very well what you were doing to Derek. You were using him to forget about the mess Neteyam was making of you. You knew that was wrong and you did feel guilty and ashamed. But you also knew you had to step back into your old reality, into that familiar world, into your comfort zone, a place where there were only regular human guys interested in you, not that current unsettling reality you were living in - you could still swear it had all just been a dream. Or a nightmare, perhaps. You were not sure -, where there was an almost 10 feet tall alien boy pursuing you, declaring his love and his nearly inappropriate desire for you, talking about the intimate parts of your body in a way that made you uncomfortable, anxious but... that lured you in too, at the same time. You needed an escape from it all. Your already disturbed mind did not seem able to deal with those facts at that moment and Derek seemed like the perfect distraction.
Damn, what had you become? That was not ethical or moral at all - using a human being like a tool to distract you from your conflicting emotions - but you did not seem to be capable of caring too much about being ethical or moral at that time. Your whole perception of the world seemed to be changing. You felt bedazzled and unsteady. You did not want to admit to yourself that you were starting to feel too much for Neteyam, that you were running away from your feelings like a thief runs away with an expensive item he just robbed. No, you were not in love with him. How could that even be? Everybody knew the na’vi don’t get romantically involved with humans. Your races were more like enemies than buddies. There were only a few humans who were loyal to the na'vi and maintained a somewhat close relationship with them, but never a romantic one. What was making you and Neteyam feel like that for each other? That could only bring problems and you sure as hell did not want more trouble in your already complicated life.
You would be better off sticking to a human male instead. It was safe and familiar. It did not make your anxiety skyrocket. But it also did not excite you a single bit. Derek caused you nothing. You could barely even feel actually turned on when he touched your body and kissed your lips. It was just like he was a habit you had gotten used to, making out with him here and there, to numb the pain you felt inside your heart almost all the time. His biggest efforts to make you wet never seemed to work. Meanwhile, Neteyam got you wet without having ever touched you. That sure spoke loud enough.
So why were you rejecting Neteyam and going after Derek?
Maybe you felt too afraid to take a risk, to follow your heart. God knows following that damn reddish muscular organ had put you in the worst situations possible in the past. You felt numb but you felt safe. And safe felt good. Bearable, at least. You were afraid if you gave into what you felt for Neteyam you just might explode. The feelings were that strong. You did not know what to do to try and ignore that tiny but extremely annoying creature inside your brain that would always be whispering “What if something actually good came out of it? Take a risk. For once in your life, don’t play it safe.”
But you were choosing to play it safe, anyway. At least this afternoon. You were gonna meet Derek, after two weeks without doing so, and just hang out, eat junk food, drink some alcohol and talk about non important things, just laugh and be silly, like you two always used to do. He was a good friend. Too bad he never made any type of fire light up inside of you, not even in the very beginning of your rendezvous, that’s why you never got to have sex with him. You were simply not interested. At all, to be honest. You wondered why you still insisted on being physically intimate with him. There were many things in your life that you did and did not really think too much about. They were just pure routine, they just kinda happened and you let them, almost like you weren't really living your life, but only a mere spectator to the events that were happening to you. And it seemed like you felt too emotionally numb to put an end to them. Your involvement with Derek was one of those things. He started to flirt with you one day, you were bored and you thought "why not?" and now, months later, you were still caught in this situation. If anyone asked you if there was any other reason why you were gonna see Derek today other than to try and get Neteyam out of your mind, you honestly couldn't say there was. It was crystal clear to you that, even though you were fighting like crazy to deny your feelings for Neteyam, you were indeed falling for him.
But how could that be? Some days ago, he was only an Omatikaya famous warrior - and, oh, let's not forget, the next Olo'eyktan of their clan - that you had only heard people talk about.
༊⁀➷
Neteyam was up in one of the highest tree branches he could find that day. He did not want anybody to see him, as usual, but he also did not want you to know he was watching you, either. He knew you were now aware of his constant presence around you. He knew you were not oblivious to his love anymore.
The sun was harassing his eyes, so he put his hand over them and squinted hard to try and see if the guy next to you, in the laboratory’s cafeteria, was really who he thought it was. When his eyes could get a better view, once the sun was not bothering them so much anymore, he felt something sinking in his stomach and his heartbeat accelerated considerably.
He had just confirmed who the guy was. It was that disgusting little human male that liked to act like you were his mate. Neteyam hissed ferociously, his protruding na’vi fangs looking scarier than ever, as his wide feline eyes watched Derek leaning close to your face and kissing your lips. Neteyam wanted to die - or maybe kill Derek - when he noticed you kissed him back.
༊⁀➷
You forced a smile while looking at Derek, after you had the initiative to break that damn kiss who seemed to never end. He seemed satisfied with the fact that you two had just kissed, contrary to what you were feeling. You honestly felt like you wanted to throw up. All you could think about was how it would feel to kiss Neteyam, to smell his scent again, that was so abundantly different from what you were used to, but that fact only seemed to make you want him even more.
You looked away to try and forget the ridiculous mistake you were making by being with Derek at that moment. You were looking at the ground and your gaze moved upwards. Now your eyes were directed towards the outside of the lab. What you saw startled you beyond reason. Neteyam was squatting, up in the branches of a huge tree, not too close but not too far from the part of the laboratory you and Derek were currently in. His fangs were out, seeming bigger than ever, as he hissed ferociously. Neteyam's animalistic side had completely taken over him and you could tell.
A chill ran down your spine. You could feel in your guts something bad was about to happen.
Your heart throbbed in pain as you saw how hurt he was now that he had seen you kissing Derek, even after he - Neteyam - had confessed his feelings for you in such a vulnerable way last eclipse. You saw in his eyes how betrayed he felt, like you were just silently telling him that his love did not matter at all to you and you'd rather be with any other guy but him.
༊⁀➷
"Hey, I'm going outside for a while, 'kay?" Derek spoke as he got up from the place he had been sitting, beside you, kissing your cheek "The boys are gonna meet me behind the lab in a while. "
Oh, no. Derek would not be safe if he went outside. Not with Neteyam spilling hate for him out of his soul like that. You had to try and find a way to keep Derek inside.
"Oh." You said, not being able to conceal your nervousness "Why don't you wait for them to actually get there before you go?!" You almost begged, visibly tense
"God, you seem nervous." He chuckled slightly, seeming uncomfortable " Is everything alright?"
"Yeah! I just want you to spend some more time with me." You pouted at him, coming up with an excuse to try and keep Derek from going out of the lab
"Sorry, sugar. It was nice hanging out and stuff but I really need to go now." He was already walking fast towards the door before you could try and talk him out of that stupid idea
You couldn't let any of the people in that cafeteria know something was up, so, you pretended everything was alright and finished eating your chips and took the last sip of your canned whisky and coke and stood up, walking slowly (when you actually wanted to freaking run) in the direction of the lab's metal door that led to outside.
You put your oxygen mask on, took a deep breath and walked out the door.
You heard a noise, it was like a really heavy object falling to the floor. You also heard some strong thuds.
When you started to walk around to try and see what was happening, you realized your fear had become reality. Neteyam was sitting on top of Derek’s squirming body, his toned, striped thighs straddling Derek’s torax. You gasped when you realized Derek was no longer wearing his oxygen mask and Neteyam's huge hand was over Derek's mouth, preventing him from screaming for help. Neteyam looked at him like a hunter looks at their prey, while his big fangs and loud hisses put fear in the human boy's eyes. Derek was completely terrified.
Your heart beat sped up insanely and your hands were now cold as ice. You were afraid for Derek’s life.
You knew that the way Neteyam was taking out his frustration and jealousy on Derek was indescribably far from okay but still, as cruel to Derek as it seemed, you still felt incredibly sorry for the Omatikaya in front of you.
At the end of the day, you had a big percentage of blame for what he was doing right now. You were confused and afraid and torn but you knew to whom your heart belonged and it was not Derek. So why the hell were you being so selfish to the point of hurting two boys at the same time just because you didn't know how to deal with your own feelings? You realized it was time for you to stop being a coward and put an end to that madness.
You could tell Neteyam was not okay mentally and you knew that you were being toxic too, that you were contributing for his mental state to get worse with your indecisiveness and fear, despite his efforts to show you he would never hurt you. You wanted to stop hurting him and help him instead, to finally let go and admit to yourself and to him that yes, despite the way you had been acting, you were in love with him too.
"Neteyam, don't!! Let him go, please!!" You shouted, running towards the human and the na'vi boy.
You finally got close to Neteyam. He stopped and looked at you, his eyes so fiery, the calm golden pools they always used to be were now boiling with feelings of anger, jealousy, hurt and betrayal.
"For me! Please?" You pleaded him, looking deep into his eyes while stroking his strong blue arm
You watched that beast inside of Neteyam slowly calm down, as his feline ears pointed downwards and his eyes became softer. He moved his hand away from Derek’s mouth and the human boy let out a series of labored breaths. Neteyam slowly got off of him, revealing his beyond intimidating height as he stood up, and stepped away from him.
You walked as fast as you could to where Derek's oxygen mask was laying on the floor and picked it up, checking if was broken (it wasn't! Thank you, Universe.) and went back to where he was lying down and gave it back to him.
Neteyam watched your movements and felt jealous when you got close to Derek, so, once you got back to the place where you were standing before, Neteyam stood right next to your arm. His instincts told him to mark his territory.
Derek swiftly put it back on. He was almost completely out of breath. Derek breathed in deep once the mask was covering his face, taking in all the oxygen he possibly could.
"Are you okay?" You looked down at Derek’s body, searching for any visible wounds. There were none, at best. "God, I'm so sorry about this…"
"Yeah, I'm fine, somehow." Derek seemed afraid, shocked, frustrated and angry, all simultaneously, as he got off the floor and got back on his feet
"Please, don't tell anyone that you saw Neteyam or that he tried to hurt you, okay?"
"What the fuck?!! This psycho almost tried to kill me!! Why are you defending him?!"
Neteyam hissed at him when he heard what he had just called him but you squeezed his arm and he looked at you, remembering your pleas were the thing that were keeping him from killing that small, pink male. Even though it hurt him deeply that you were protecting that human, he couldn't bring himself to ignore you when you were begging him not to hurt Derek. You had Neteyam in the palm of your hand.
"You don't understand! If you let anyone in that lab know what Neteyam did to you, the RDA will eventually know about it too! Do you understand how serious this is? Do you wanna see Neteyam dead?!" You urged him, looking deep into his eyes "You could even help start another war between the humans and the na'vi. Do you understand that it is a much bigger issue than it seems to be? Just forget about what happened and I'll make sure Neteyam won't ever try to hurt you again."
Derek smirked in contempt
"How can you be so sure he will listen to you?"
"I know he will! He loves me. And… I love him too."
Derek’s face had a big question mark all over it now and his mouth fell open.
Neteyam seemed to be shocked for a while. He did not expect you to say that, at all. He thought you would never love him back. Neteyam couldn't seem to believe those words had actually just come out of your mouth.
You breathed in deep, trying to stay calm amidst all that chaos "This thing between us…" You looked at Derek "It's over. I don't know why I was still insisting on it, I never even felt attracted to you, in the first place. I'm sorry."
"I'm outta here! All of this shit that's going on… feels like a fucking nightmare"
"Can you do as I said and not tell anyone about Neteyam? Nobody, ever? Please?!" You were nervous, brows furrowed, talking fast
"Okay!! Just let me go now! I think it's better if you and I keep some distance from each other from now on. I don't want your crazy na'vi boyfriend trying to kill me again."
Neteyam hissed at Derek again when he heard the word "crazy" and Derek rapidly looked at him, startled, but couldn't be brave enough to spend more than some seconds staring at him, so, he swiftly looked away
"Neteyam, please!! He's going already." You looked at Neteyam, a bit angry and impatient, asking him to calm down "Just go, Derek." You spit out and sighed, feeling physically and mentally drained after having to stop that stupid fight
Derek finally turned his back to you and Neteyam and left.
You looked at Neteyam. His eyes were glued on you. Those pretty amber eyes. His face wasn't full of hatred and anger anymore. His demeanor was much calmer now. His body language radiated love towards you. His tail was wagging softly. You felt pain and regret consuming your chest. How could you have treated Neteyam so badly last night? You realized now you couldn't hold him to the same standards you hold human males. The na'vi are animalistic beings, in spite of their high intelligence. And worse, how could you be irresponsible enough to kiss Derek even not actually wanting to, making Neteyam see it and get as hurt as he did? You sure were being trashy.
"My tawtute…" he cooed as he turned to look in your eyes "I won't let you run away from me anymore." Neteyam had a big smile on his lips "I don't care if you try to. That's all I needed to hear, that you love me. Now that you've said it, even if you didn't say it directly to me, I'm gonna fight for you even harder, even if you keep trying to push me away, I will keep bothering you." He kept smiling, blissful "You're like an Ikran. I just need to be patient with you. Eventually, I'll tame you and you'll be mine. All mine, hi'ì 'emyu." (small cook) "Bonded to me through tsaheylu. I can be patient and I will be."
You could only look at him, stare at his face and ask yourself why. Why was he willing to put so much work into making you his mate?
"I'm not gonna run away from you anymore." You finally said "I'm done running. I'm done keeping myself miserable and alone because I'm too afraid to trust you and let you in. While trying to keep myself "safe", I was hurting myself and hurting you. I'm not doing that anymore, Neteyam. I was so stupid… I can't really say what it is, but there's just something about you… I think about you all the time, since the first time I saw you when you appeared for me outside that window. I don't believe someone can fall in love so fast but…" You were about to burst into tears "I'm in love with you."
Neteyam looked at you with the biggest smile on his plump lips, while his heart beat uncommonly fast inside his chest. He was overwhelmed with joy but as he was seeing the tears welling up in your eyes, he felt like he was about to cry too. But he didn't. Having learned throughout his whole life to always act with self control and rationality in front of everyone, - not really by choice, but because he knew that was how the Olo'eyktan to be should act, to keep a good reputation, to let his people know he was strong enough to control his emotions and not let them get in the way of him making good decisions for the Omatikaya - his ability to show some aspects of his feelings was a bit impaired now and that included crying. Even though he almost cried in front of you when you rejected him, he couldn't bring himself to cry of joy, now that you were saying that you wanna be with him too.
"I'm sorry for… what you saw. Me and Derek. I never liked him, Neteyam. He was just-"
"Yawne, no." Neteyam interrupted " It's okay. I don't wanna hear about that human." He looked disgusted only by the thought of Derek "And I don’t want you thinking about him either. You're mine now. Just forget about him. It's me that you like, right?" He gave you a gentle smile now and you nodded your head positively "Then focus on me, yawntutsyìp."
You looked at him, shyly, and smiled
"So… Can I ask for a hug, now?" your heart beat fast inside your chest cavity as you nervously said that
"Oeyä tawtute…" (my human) "You don't even need to ask." He opened his big, strong arms as he spoke "Come here."
༊⁀➷
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