#i am so fucking done with the us what the fuck is wrong over there
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rainbowgod666 Ā· 2 days ago
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Oh
Itā€™s almost impossible to even mention anything on chris chan without someone asking you for more information on chris chan. I can not overstate how unimportant knowing details about her is. Can we focus on the decades long harassment and stalking campaigns. Can we focus on the guy who made like an 80 part chris chan youtube documentary. Can we talk about how documenting this much information about random civilians is horrifically unethical and continuing to distribute said information is participating in harassment. Can we let her be anonymous and unknown again
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velvetvexations Ā· 1 day ago
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It is so unbelievable how many fucking anti transmasc losers there are!! It's unbelievable, it really is just like ace discourse. Every fucking blog, I have to search 'transmasc' and 'TME' just like I had to search 'ace' and 'asexual' back in the day People will JUMP at the chance to do this shit over again huh
You should read up on the Cultural Revolution because it just keeps happening.
Ok not to double send but...
Blogs like yours do WONDERS for my mental health. Knowing there are actually people in my corner while I realise I'm a trans man is phenomenal
I'm glad to help! <3
my passing status is nebulous. sometimes i pass, but mostly i dont. im a trans guy with a thing for crossdressing so sometimes i have actual, legitimate euphoria vibes over just... sitting in my car and looking feminine. like "you all think im a girl but SECRETLY IM A BOY!!!" and it feels really good because like. yeah. i can look like a girl but nothing will change that i am a boy šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š trans guy crossdresser again, my passing status is also really weird because i am intersex. my mustache confuses people, and that's great
That's similar to how I feel. People think I'm misgendering myself when I call myself male but it's more like I'm asserting dominance over gendered expectations lol. I'm male and I'm still a woman anyway.
thank you for your blog. a musician i really respected went super anti-transmasc recently and its really hurt, and the stuff here makes me feel like. less insane for having an issue with it
I'm really, really sorry anon. I love you a lot. <3
love that this person is calling people who believe that trans men can be oppressed "chuds", a word that is mostly used to talk about right-wing conservative men
transandro reactionaries dontcha know
"internet tough guys" still exist in 2024?????????????
Someone said something like "no one wants to fight you" and I was thinking "no actually I'm dead serious I would actually."
anyone who tries to debunk transandrophobia by throwing in "you people" has automatically lost the argument imo. but also I need to rant. as That Guy in your inbox who hangs out in bear and leather bars it makes me genuinely want to chew through the floor when people are like "oh well queer people don't demonize masculinity" GO OUTSIDE. YES THEY DO. there is a REASON fat hairy balding men tend to have our own damn spaces, because no one else will take us. FUCK.
if people want to insist that everyone around them has always recognized their soul-gender and no one is ever treated like anything but what they identify as maybe they should stop talking about what genders that aren't theirs experience
I'm a bisexual trans man who does not pass and never will pass and I have spent over 30 years of my life being told my experiences aren't real mostly by other queer people and I am so, so, so, so, SO jaded by it. I'm done. If you tell me "your lived experiences are not a real thing" then you're the villain. I can't stand it. I genuinely cannot take it anymore. I have absolutely nowhere to go and I feel so unbelievably hopeless.
Try to hang in there anon. It's okay to disengage and avoid discourse. I know it's not always possible, but there's nothing wrong with unplugging from this shit as much as you can. You have to focus on your happiness.
I love you. <3
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deadqueernoldor Ā· 7 months ago
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Thinking thoughts about those from Cuivienen and how they later treated the Valar, especially after Cuivienen was destroyed.
I imagine a foundation of sorrow and a layer of betrayal and pettiness. They had promised safety. And how did it turn out? Kin of Tata and Tatie their first leaders, slain in Valinor by the Dark Hunter from which the Valar promised protection in Valinor.
And then, the War of Wrath comes and with it the destruction of Cuivienen.
If any of those were re-embodied in Aman, I wonder if they make it a point to always turn their back to Valar and Maiar. I wonder if they only speak in the tongue they had first devised all those millennia ago and spoke in Cuivienen before time and different kindreds changed the tongue, not Sindarin or Quenya from the Great Journey's time or later. I wonder if they sing songs in their ancient tongue, songs about the beauty and unsullied health of Cuivienen every time any of the Ainur are near.
I wonder if the Valar feel any shame when those who they once looked upon in wonder and love gaze back at them with indifference or disgust.
#i am so normal about the elves of cuivienen feeling the betrayal worse than anyone in aman including feanor and co#they PROMISED safety from Morgoth and orcs. they PROMISED beautiful lands without sorrow. they PROMISED all that and down the line#decided Mogoth had played pretend well enough to warrant him probation during which he immediately killed again#returns to the east and sullies what beauty had been left. and then even from afar he manages to hurt those from cuivienen with the WoW#dont get me wrong i think the cuivienen elves knew there had to be war against Morgoth for him to be defeated. but the fact that the valar#decided not to only abandon those of beleriand for over 5 centuries before that AND once the war is won also abandon#those of cuivienen to watch their beloved lands drown without as much a warning must sting.#i want there to be a concious decision of 'you abandoned your promise to us twice why should we ever trust you again even in your own lands'#a 'you promised our people who folowed you safety. you didnt deliver. you promised us freedom from morgoth. you didnt deliver. in fact your#inadequacy and decision to let him loose made everything worse for us in the east. why should we ever listen to anything you say'#and thus a concious effort to shed association with Aman as the Valar govern it. they cant leave. the way is shut. but they can establish#a sticking to their own tongue and traditions without the interference of the Ainur. they've done enough. not enough and yet quite enough.#the avari are welcome should some be reborn.#i never know if i want those of cuivienen to be reborn in aman or fade into unexistence entirely both have merit and sexy hcs#but if any were reborn i think they would get along fairly alright with the exiles. kinslaying exiles? 50/50 depending on repentance#but anyone who does not believe the valar's words and respects their decision to not ever be associated with them is welcomed neutral-warmly#they teach them songs about cuivienen. the sweet waters. beautiful meadows. the birdsong that sounds extra cheerful. fish in abundance#and in turn they get taught songs about beleriand. bewitched forests. victorious battles. wild rivers. frothy shores.#it is seen as an honour to be taught a song about Cuivienen by the people who sat by its shores once. in their language/dialect/whatever#instead of in sindarin or quenya. some millenia into the 4th age tou have a surge of ppl speaking cuivienen dialect#it becomes a clear distinction of who still has fondness left for the valar and who would feel indifferent if they vanished suddenly.#this tag essay has gotten way too long again. sorry besties it will happen again.#tag essay longer than the fucking post???? help#tolkien headcanons
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milo-is-rambling Ā· 8 months ago
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I canā€™t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that theyā€™re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now Iā€™m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc Iā€™m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. itā€™s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I donā€™t feel like Iā€™ve made any progress even#with a therapist. Iā€™m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like itā€™s almost making me feel more alienated bc Iā€™d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know Iā€™m running from it bc Iā€™m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man canā€™t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck itā€™s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like Iā€™m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside itā€™s like Iā€™m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like Iā€™m doing nothing and#thatā€™s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like itā€™s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like itā€™s an epiphany even tho itā€™s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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lightblueminecraftorchid Ā· 1 month ago
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Donā€™t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean Iā€™m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ā€˜yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.ā€™#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and donā€™t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and Iā€™ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I canā€™t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I donā€™t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like Iā€™m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and Iā€™m In The Vicinity. even when theyā€™re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I donā€™t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything theyā€™re upset with me for. which isnā€™t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I canā€™t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. Iā€™m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and itā€™s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. Iā€™ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ā€˜well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you wereā€™.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesnā€™t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. Iā€™m not. Iā€™m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that theyā€™re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that theyā€™re probably right#which is why Iā€™m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now Iā€™m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know itā€™s draining to talk to someone who doesnā€™t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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pyrriax Ā· 6 months ago
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think šŸ™
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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pegging-satan Ā· 1 year ago
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Made the mistake of imagining Kunikida with sleeve garters now I am extremely turned on someone draw this please and thanks
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malikselfindulgence Ā· 1 year ago
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Being the bigger person and emailing my mom's inactive email "kys" instead of saying it to her face directly
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wygolvillage Ā· 2 years ago
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i will not get in pointless arguments over my favorite video game guy online. i will not get in pointless arguments over my favorite video game guy online. i will not get in pointless arguments over my favorite video game guy online. i will n
#if you dont take into account that albus is just as traumatized by barlowe as shanoa is you are wrong about him ok#and so many of his illogical actions can be traced back to how he responded to his trauma#and i literally discussed this EXACT TOPIC in the ooe section of my video#like. you can criticize his actions but to imply that albus never cared about shanoa *as a person* is fucking stupid and youre going to die#like. are we ignoring the line from pre-amnesia shanoa in that flashback that implied she wouldve done exactly the same thing for him#are we ignoring that so much of what happens after albus's death is driven by shanoas own agency#albus never knew the whole truth. shanoa chose to find it. shanoa chose to raid the castle. shanoa chose to use dominus anyway despite#albus's wishes because she saw saving humanity as more important.#albus had no part in any of those decisions#'ooooeh albus had a big brother complex and cared more about protecting shanoas innocence than her life' im going to kill you#he gave up the only home he ever had he made himself the enemy to everyone who ever cared about him he gave up his life twice#and yes he could have told her. but loyalty towards barlowe had been so engrained in the both of them#even when he found out barlowe lied he was like 'no he would never do that to me' at first. like genuinely#hes scared of the idea of control being taken from him; because it already had been#and his attempts to actually have any control over the situation got the autonomy OVER HIS BODY stolen from him via possession#idk banging my head against the wall. the game is more nuanced about this idea than you think#i am an albus defender till i die. goodnight
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timoswerner Ā· 2 years ago
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every fucking day i get more and more worried for swansea
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strwbrymlkshake Ā· 2 years ago
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I don't think I've ever been in a relationship this healthy before I don't know what to do šŸ’€
#mine#šŸŽø#DUDE my feelings are so weird like i cant even describe them cause theyre all over the place. im hoping someone sees this and sends me an#ask or something with advice if this is even gonna make sense. because i am so confused lmfao#First of all im always expecting something to go wrong so i feel like it might be the absence of Problems thats throwing me off#But he reassures me all the time and genuinely cares about me? in regards to my last post we talked about it and he comforted me#i feel like im kind of in an emotional limbo where im still processing everything. my yan moments make appearances more than my dere#i feel so cringe saying that as a native english speaker. well im here to express my feelings not to be judged <3#but i definitely FEEL the jealousy more. like i exhibit both equally but im more emotional in a bad way than a good way#but its not cause of anything hes doing at all! hes perfect?! i dont know how to handle it!! i only know how to be jealous#at least if im mean im not as likely to get hurt and thats why im afraid to feel lovey things as much??? im making myself sound like#a bastard but ive just been feeling more anxiety and getting worried about Relationship Stuff and that kills the vibes#but he doesnt even mind he doesnt treat my problems like a burden. he isnt sick of them he doesnt abandon me. he loves me and i am still so#bewildered? like. hes the nicest guy ive ever dated. ill gush about new people i meet but they do have flaws. i just dont acknowledge them#because im so blinded by idolization. but for this one ive thought everything out i have PONDERED for so long and he really is just such a#good person. how? WHY?? he has not done anything wrong and its just my mental illness that causes ALL the problems. but he wants to#BE there and comfort me. what the fuck my brain is like short circuiting. people this nice exist? he doesnt want to use me??#and ofc this is all in the romantic sense. i still have friends that i value very much but this post is focused on romance#watch me say all this then he does something horrible. <-SEE IM SO NEGATIVE i expect things to go wrong#my main problem is im confused about my feelings they feel very tangled and muddled. im happy of course but i feel like the part of me that#feels romantic happiness/genuine satisfaction is all fucked up and broken. but he doesnt mind that im this way šŸ„² WHY#HE ASSURES ME EVERYTHINGS OKAY he is there for me he cares about me but i cant wrap my head around it! im. this is so weird#one of my goals is to be less focused on being insane and actually get things done. w all my relationships i have a time blur thing#where i feel like time passes differently even more than it does for me. im just thinking so much bruh#right i think i was gonna go about getting adderall because of the everything all the time. im feeling numb but also#literally every emotion all at once. and it consumes me and my waking thoughts. i guess it was easier to ignore before?
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insanechayne Ā· 5 months ago
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~ ~ ~
#every time I call someone my best friend they turn into a fucking problem that just hurts me and makes me sick#is it me? am I doing something wrong? am I not supposed to have close friends?#or am I just such a fuckup that by being myself itā€™s inevitable that Iā€™ll ruin my friendships?#kissed my bro on the cheek last week when he wasnā€™t doing too great and in my mind I was doing it just as an extra way to be encouraging#and show my support and that Iā€™m here for him cause tbh Iā€™ve done that with plenty of other friends and it ainā€™t no thing#but after a week of wondering why heā€™s been distant and not wanting to be around me when Iā€™m saying I just need some time with a friend he#finally admits that he thought that was weird and out of line. so I gotta backtrack and try to explain myself but now all the stupid little#pieces be fitting and I realize that heā€™s probably been misconstruing me wanting time with him as thinking Iā€™m gonna try to flirt with him#or something else fucking dumb like that. despite the fact that that has never been the case and he knows me fundamentally as a person and#should know I wouldnā€™t ever do anything that could make either of us cheaters even incidentally. plus heā€™s basically like a brother to me#and I have an AFAB partner so itā€™s not like Iā€™m trolling for cock anyway and he knows that too. but now I gotta go back through every#interaction weā€™ve had since that happened and analyze whether or not I was weird or awkward or inappropriate in some way that he could be#upset about at all. and also act like everything is fine and keep it pushing like normal and police every future action to be safe too#because of course he canā€™t just be straight up about anything or tell me if something bothered him no I gotta play a whole ass fucking#guessing game. and now I also canā€™t trust that my best friend who is supposed to know me so well wonā€™t take things I say/do the wrong way.#canā€™t trust that my best friend wonā€™t see me in a poor light now because itā€™s clearly been affecting the friendship#and like totally thatā€™s my bad I overstepped a boundary I didnā€™t realize was there but you should have just fucking told me at the time#instead of pulling this shit and giving me anxiety and blowing me off and making me feel like shit#canā€™t rely on him or trust him or anything and whatā€™s the fucking point of even having a best friend if this is what happens? Iā€™m at the end#of my fucking rope right now so stressed and anxious and no matter how much I try to talk to him or anything he just brushes me off and#wonā€™t let me explain or get my feelings out or anything else. but hey at least I was around for him the other day when he needed somebody#good thing I was there to keep him from going back to drinking or something else stupid and could help him out. cause thatā€™s what really#matters right just being able to help somebody else when they need it even if they donā€™t reciprocate and are actively hurting me instead of#just being there for me as a friend. guess we try again tomorrow huh? what else can be done I suppose. just get to suffer and be riddled#with anxiety and stress and depression eating away at me and ruining my fucking life. canā€™t even enjoy the Olympics or anything else because#Iā€™m stuck overthinking this dumb shit. just want this to be over and things to be back to normal. wanna stop being upset about this shit and#be able to let it go but I donā€™t fucking know how and I canā€™t keep losing friends because itā€™s killing me#personal
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boogiewoogieweeb Ā· 8 months ago
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#he's good at his job! #crozier likes him! crozier chose him! #and any enabling of crozier happens because he lives and works in one of the most strictly hierarchical systems to ever exist #where dissidence can be a hanging offence! #and he's so! fucking! angry! about it #also having to deal with a spirit bear on top of everything #that makes you question the very fabric of the assumptions you once had about the world #also his cabin door is stuck!! #we talk a lot about jopson finally snapping and beginning to bite and kick #i really think he should invite edward to the inevitable breakdown - @maedhrus
listen i don't think edward little was actually a bad first lieutenant. when we see him in the first episode he's calm and confident. he does not say much but he's amiable enough. crozier likes him, and i don't think crozier would like anyone he doesn't think capable in some way. generally he's dependable and knows what he's doing. however unfortunately for edward he has these qualities because he has a major case of eldest daughter syndrome, which means he both wants to please his mum (crozier) and has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility for his younger siblings (crew), so when they get stuck in the ice and crozier starts going (more) alcoholic, he enables his mum bc he doesn't want to disappoint her even if he doesn't agree with her, and he has to pick up the tasks and care for his siblings she's not doing, but he can't let his siblings know about their mum's situation because they'll get worried and restless. and like a true eldest daughter he has to bear the brunt of mummy's anger for being a disappointment but he also doesn't want to seek refuge with the man she divorced (fitzjames) because that feels like a betrayal. also while this is going on there is a giant bear who hunts his siblings for sport so they're dying left and right and also a changeling master manipulator who's making his siblings mad at their mum and who wants to fuck said mum before eating her like some sort of praying mantis. anyway i think i would start being miserable and anxious too.
#the terror#edward little#helen just so you know i am in love with the way you tag these kinds of posts and i need everyone else to see how good your takes are#also curry; just your post in general; like-- YES. FINALLY. SOMEONE SAID IT. SAY IT LOUDER. SHOUT IT FROM THE FUKCING ROOFTOPS#i can and will die on the hill that ned little - the actual lt. little of the show - is as far removed from the sad wet doormat of a man#that fanon likes to portray him as; as humanly possible#the closest correlation between fanon!ned and actual canon!ned is his prolonged misery and level of worry-induced distress#he's more than competent - we see it time and again throughout the first half of the show#but the biggest indication of this is crozier himself handing little his pistol when he goes into self-imposed rehab#HE WOULDN'T DO THAT IF HE DIDN'T THINK EDWARD WAS CAPABLE OF HANDLING THE SITUATION.#crozier's not a man to mince words or spare feelings - if he thought little unequal to the task he would've handed his pistol to fitzjames#instead; but no. he chooses edward precisely bc he knows edward is loyal and steadfast and capable of doing what needs to be done#edward is the one who falters in that scene; not bc he's too overwhelmed to cope but because he knows exactly what is at stake if#anything goes wrong during crozier's convalescence; the lives of a hundred+ men turning on a dime should crozier not survive his withdrawal#and he's not wrong to feel daunted by the task! it's an immense amount of responsibility -#one crozier himself bowed and buckled under the second leadership of the expedition was thrust upon him! it's a terrifying situation;#but edward still steps up and in the wake of francis's seclusion; for once; things actually go somewhat smoothly!#the men are faring better without the black cloud of crozier's alcoholism and negativity hanging over them like a shroud;#he's gotten fitzjames off his back for the most part; other than for carnivale. and even here we see edward's diligence and commitment#to his position as first lieutenant of the expedition bc he's the one questioning using vital supplies for a party! he's the one#who agrees that the men need the distraction; but worries if they can afford to foot the bill later;#when things will be more difficult! that is the kind of mindset francis himself displays at the beginning#of the show when he's questioning sir john's decision to press forward despite every sign imaginable telling them not to!#EDWARD WORRIES FOR THE MEN THE SAME WAY CROZIER DOES#what trips him up; what ends up driving a wedge between him and crozier; what causes little to fuck up the armory situation; is this:#crozier himself. bc francis was a mean drunk. and while in his cups he treated little as no better than a ship's boy; running menial errand#and very literally risking life and limb to indulge the vices of a man who treats him with open contempt (and let's be clear;#that man isn't the captain edward has come to know and respect since they set out from greenhithe - no; that is a stranger wearing#his captain's face; making choices that leave edward feeling frustrated and helpless and enraged)#what crozier's belittling of little's station and rank does during this time is make him deeply insecure of his own purpose and competence;
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exopelagic Ā· 6 months ago
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I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3
#itā€™s just gone in the oven which means at least 25 minutes and probably more like 45 bc I made a Lot#am also kiiiinda winging the recipe so my expectations are on the floor#this is. for a bake sale. pray for me#Iā€™m gonna make the icing tonight and leave it in the fridge overnight I think for tomorrow morning#this has gone wrong at every available opportunity it was 100% not worth it#however! given the prices my friend wants to sell this at i May have turned this into like over Ā£100 which isnā€™t bad#TWO CAKES. WHY AM I MAKING TWO CAKES#Iā€™m procrastinating washing up the stuff I used to make the batter (hell) bc itssosososo messy and I just wanna shout abt stuff#primarily that I am once again so upset that I only get one more week of ice hockey before summer#there are two parts to this feeling: 1. I love ice hockey Iā€™ve been having such a good time this past week while Iā€™ve not had to stress#abt anything else. 2. gay. gay gay homosexual gay#like okay Iā€™ve been worried abt whether this is an actual crush or I just convinced myself I like him bc pretty+queer#(because of course I can worry abt that). BUT yeah sorry no can confirm I like this dumb fuck this is so unfair#we talked a BUNCH last night and heā€™s just really cool.#ohhhh fuck I donā€™t think the oven was properly preheated bc I opened it for a while to fit the two tins in. ĀÆ\_(惄)_/ĀÆ#anyway!! heā€™s really fun to talk to someone help like if he does turn out to be single I could in THEORY text him over summer. maybe.#his birthday will be coming up and my friend suggested that. Iā€™m being insane but oh my god this is torture#I ALSO watched the newest dr who episode today and that did NOT HELP. one of the first things in a while that have given me like#this same specific feeling when I get into gay romantic media. the ā€˜reading gay shit on wattpad at age 14 feelingā€™ if you will#where thereā€™s like this weight in the pit of my stomach. itā€™s NICE that doesnā€™t sound good but it is#is this what straight people get with romance all the time. I know I just donā€™t watch/read much anymore but also#thereā€™s straight romance in literally everything so.#but yeah basically I need another month of fuck around time minimum when everyoneā€™s in this city so I can get my shit together#ALSO. I ONLY HAVE A YEAR LEFT HERE. THATS TERRIFYING. a year is a long time but itā€™s also not this one disappeared and this is like.#WAY too early to even consider that but heā€™s gonna be here probably for a year after I leave and that could suck if anything does happen.#I guess in theory Iā€™m taking a year before phd probably so I could work here. idk man anyway that one is actually insane of me Iā€™m just gay#boy šŸ˜”. they shouldnā€™t be allowed to do this#on Wednesday heā€™ll be done with exams and so will my other friend who knows him well. so I will be able to 1. subtly see w her if girlfriend#2. potentially. MAYBE ask what she thinks Iā€™m just trying to decide whether thatā€™s too much to put on her. I think Iā€™m being insane there#luke.txt
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kamitv Ā· 2 months ago
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Love the idea of Gojo whoā€™s lowkey a perv but had done a pretty good job at hiding it up until he called you one day and overheard you getting fucked by your husband, who just so happens to be his best friend Suguru.
Itā€™s instant the way his cock jumps to life at the wet squelches heard over the phone. Hell, even when Suguru very clearly told him the way he was fucking you to tears, Gojo couldnā€™t help but palm himself to soothe that growing ache.
Then the words, ā€œY'Mind if I stay on the phone and listen?ā€ Came pouring out of his mouth faster than he meant for them to.
Truth be told, it was more of a thought that was never supposed to leave his brain and yet here he is now; tugging at his cock to the erotic sounds of you moaning out his best friendā€™s name. Gojoā€™s dick was slicked with a filthy mix of precum and his own spit, making it easy for his hand to glide up and down his long shaft.
His phone was on max volume, sounds of Suguru spewing out such filth to you stirring up Gojo even more. Then there was every delicate moan you let outā€¦
Suguruā€™s got such a way with words too. Dirty talk flows past his lips effortlessly and it makes Gojoā€™s cock painfully twitch against his palm.
ā€œShow me how deep I am baby, cā€™mon, you can point fā€™me, canā€™t you?ā€ Fuck. Gojo can only toss his head back and squeeze his eyes shut, fisting his weeping tip faster by the second. ā€œThaaatā€™s it, pretty girl. Yeahh, yā€™feel me riiight here, huhh?ā€
His imagination is running absolutely wild given the audio porn heā€™s been allowed to listen to. Everything is so loudā€”youā€™re so loud. He can practically picture the way youā€™re layed out under Suguru, vivid images of your pussy lips bulging around his best friendā€™s thick cock as he fucks himself to the hilt of your cunt.
Gojo can hear each time Suguru hits the right spot, he can tell based off of that particularly filthy squelch that rings throughout his eardrums. Which is usually followed by a hitched gasp of Suguruā€™s name, and then a hiss (presumably because youā€™ve left yet another long scratch on his back).
Gojo doesnā€™t know whatā€™s louder at this pointā€”you or your cunt. ā€œS-Shiit-,ā€ He gasps, hips bucking up into his fist as he hones in on the drooling slicked sounds of your pussy leaving a messy coat of cum around Suguruā€™s cock. ā€œSo fuckinā€™ wet,ā€ Gojo whispers to himself, squeezing his eyes shut.
His slim fingers curl around the base of his cock tightly as he hears Suguru use him as a means to tease you. ā€œSee? I told you she was loud tā€™day,ā€ He teases you with this big fucked out smirk on his face while his thrusts grow sloppy.
ā€œEven Satoru can hear how fuckinā€”ā€œ Suguru pauses to spit down onto your cunt, ā€œā€”Sloppy she is.ā€
Gojo lets out a throaty whine at the way his friend is actually including him in this. His wrist is starting to cramp with how fast heā€™s jerking himself off, cracking open his squeezed eyes just to see the mess heā€™s steadily making of himself.
All because of you. Gojo knows itā€™s wrong to think about it, he knows itā€™s wrong to fantasize about you but he canā€™t fucking help it. Every time Suguru brings you around youā€™ve always got the pretty smile on your face and you always smell so mind-numbingly good.
Gojo was a perv long before Suguru and you started dating, and things didnā€™t change at all when the two of you got married.
Ring on your finger be damned. Gojo can only imagine the way youā€™d sound moaning his name instead, how itā€™d flow off of your plump spit slicked lips, the way your eyes would lull back when he fucks into you deep enough.
And hell if Suguru ever lets him actually fuck you. He could only imagine the look on his friendā€™s face as he watches Gojo fuck you down into the mattress, bringing his hand down on to your stomach and pressing hard onto the bulge his thick cock createsā€”watching you choke on your own moans and lose your mind in pleasure.
Gojo wants you bad. He wants to fuck Suguruā€™s darling wife and he knows its wrong. He knows he should be happy with what heā€™s got right now and the mere opportunity of being able to listen in like this but..
ā€œOh! F-Fuuck.. right there Sugu,ā€ Youā€™re heard whining out. All Gojo can do is imagine it. He can imagine the look on your face right now, how your body twitches as Suguruā€™s thumb swats at your soddened clit, making your legs go numb and your face contort into something so utterly lewd.
Suguruā€™s busy pouting at you, mocking your little whine just now. ā€œAw, babyā€¦ Donā€™t be ruude. Satoruā€™s on the phone beinā€™ all perverted ā€˜nd listeninā€™ to yaā€™, you could thank him too yā€™know..ā€
Gojoā€™s mind blanks at the prospect of simply hearing you moan his name. Why would Suguru suggest that?? Does heā€¦ Is he as into this as Gojo is? Does this turn him on too?
Youā€™re barely even lucid at this point, completely fucked to pure bliss. ā€œToruuā€™,ā€ You gasp, ā€œHnnghā€¦ t-thank you.ā€
Right then and there, Gojoā€™s cumming. His eyes meet the back of his damn skull and heā€™s groaning freely and carelessly, causing your soaked walls to milk the fuck out of Getoā€™s cock.
All three of you are feeling pleasure beyond expected from this. Gojoā€™s huffing and puffing curses and small desperate whines of your name, picturing himself fucking you full of his cum instead of his fist. Getoā€™s above you drilling you into the couch to the point where your eyes cross and you canā€™t even moan anymore.
And youā€¦
Well, youā€™re eventually woken up by your husband, Suguru, whoā€™s a bit confused as to why youā€™d been making all these noises in your sleepā€¦ Especially seeing as Gojo was sitting on the couch right next to you.
ā€œCall me crazy but,ā€ Suguru narrows his eyes at your dazed face, ā€œMā€™pretty sure I heard you moaninā€™ both of our names, gorgeous.ā€
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my-name-is-jefferooni Ā· 11 months ago
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I retract my former biases. Loser Baby is peak music and no one can convince me otherwise.
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