#i am so emotional im going to puke

[orangechickenpillow]

Nimona shows us that hate is taught, hate is taught, hate is taught and it's a killer of everything beautiful and good

But it's never too late because love can be taught too

[apocalypticdemon]

y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while

[muffinrag]

forgor that I'm almost 30 and cant subsist entirely on sugar anymore. im "betcha I can eat all these fudge stripes" megan and he was right. megan no

[gamblersdoll]

can you do class 1-A making todoroki realize he likes Y/N and helping him plan his confession please??? 💗

him being separated from the whole world when he was a child caused him to not properly process his emotions and feelings. he cursed his abusive shit father, not knowing how to feel about you.

you gave him life though, him being able to smile more and be able to laugh just a bit.

everyone could see it, they can see how he bounces his knee in anticipation for you to come out of your room and see him.

they see the way he picks at his nails when he can finally smell your shampoo when you walk past, or your lotion. (he adores your smell, it makes him get a dopamine boost.)

he loves when he can just randomly find a nail of yours that probably popped off and he just shoves it in his pocket, keeping it for some kind of good luck.

everyone can see it, and they know what he feels. (not everyone, because it does look borderline creepy.)

yet, it took izuku and bakugou to scold him for letting you get away.

“that means you like her!” izuku shouts in excitement, going off in some ramble about how opposites do sometimes attract, but katsuki bonks him in the head.

“the fact that you lettin’ her run around single is crazy.” he shakes his head, ignoring izukus’ rambles about how heavy handed katsuki is and hes too rough with his hair. (katsuki knowing that izuku tries to take care of his fro at times.)

todoroki only thinks to himself, then eventually asking. “so, how am i supposed to ask her out? you both know im not too fond of being outside the dorms.” he makes a point, him being a home body and not being a social butterfly.

“well, see if she is too! and then offer like a snack and movie date!” izuku suggested, getting bonked again for being too loud.

they both are idiots.

yet, he takes their advice, walking away as they both claw at each other’s throats and heading to his dorm.

“hey, can i ask a question?” he types to you, turning on his ringer and bouncing his knees. he feel’s nervous, sick even.

“yeah, wsp?” you text back, watching the three dots appear and disappear. his heart was racing, what the hell were you doing to him? did you have some other quirk?

“can i take you for a snack and movie date?” “ we dont have to go outside if you dont want to.” “you also dont have to say yes.” he triple texts, biting at his thumbnail and eyes darting around.

his heart lurches when you reply back, relieved and feeling like he is going to puke and have anxiety shits.

“yeah, we can. and im more of a homebody so..”

[writingoddess1125]

I Fell in love Alone pt. 3

Another shot of depression for you all-

Buggy x GN Reader

Angst and Sad

No warnings just sadness

Support me in Ko-Fi

When Buggy woke up the next morning, He felt awful.. his head was swimming and nausea was going through his system like a tsunami. He shifted and felt the emptiness of the bed next to him- The hangover now not being the worse pain he felt..

He laid there, pressing his face into the pillow as he took in what remained of your scent...thinking of the mornings he would touch your hair or look at your sleeping form next to him, He just wished he'd cherished them more. The creak of the door drew him out of his thoughts, turning to see you walking in with some breakfast and water for him.

He sat up slowly and watched you with foggy eyes at every movement you made. Setting down the tray of food and pouring him a glass of water, as well as kicking a bucket closer to the bed just in case he needed to puke, you already dressed and ready for the day which clued him in that he must have slept very late- or you got up very early.

"Feel better?" You ask softly, he nods softly at this- lying about feeling better. The pain from you not being there just stronger then the sickness of the hangover. Awkward silence fell after this, Buggy finally breaking it with a anxious sigh and turned to meet your eyes.

"(Y/N) I wanted to say im sorry for everything and how I acted can we-" You cut him off quick with a shake of your head, sighing heavily as you tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

"Buggy I'm still leaving... This does not change that... I'd never want you to hurt yourself but I am not staying either. I know youre upset but that changes nothing-" You said finally, His face crumbling at your words as he looked away from you. A storm of emotions going over his face as he sat there in the bed.

"I appreciate you being honest with me and honored you shared how you felt... but you are 6 months too late" You say with a final breath, looking to see his eyes flashing with rage.

"Get some rest..." You say softly and get up to leave the room. Closing the door behind you as you heard the first crashed- Him inside the room throwing and destroying the cabin in a fit of pure anger. Taking a shaky breath you walked away, the echoing of his angry cries fading as you left.

You should have known better then to think Buggy would let this go so easily...

For the next 3 days, you saw the love bombing. The gifts magically at your bed, the flowers, the candies and more things you knew possible. How did this guy manage to find a kitten in the middle of the ocean!? The whole crew was also now watching you- you knew it and truthfully that hollowness began to return at having everyones eyes on you all the time like they were waiting for you to fold to Buggy.

You returned everything, bringing it back to Buggys door every chance you got and avoiding even going to dinner your friends bringing you dinner as you didn't want the eyes on you.

Buggy was starting to get frustrated more at himself for failing to get you interested in him again- thinking that you caring for him while hungover showed you still cared and he could keep you from leaving. You almost thought he was going to not port just to keep you on the ship, however it was a pleasant surprise when he did- even if he seemed upset at it as well.

Once at port you exiting the ship with gusto finally the freedom of the small place lifting your spirits from the dead and the idea that you wouldn't be trapped like before filled you to

Spending the day with your friends as you scouted out the village, your crew gathering supplies as you found you way around and planned a new life in the cute village.

Once back to the Big Top your few friends through a going away party for you, Food and drinks being set out as music filled the ship. It was a emotional release you had needed before departing from your life as you knew.

However Buggy's absent from the dinner was very noticable and you knew why.. as the night came to and you giving final hugs to your friends you packed the last of your things in a sack and bring them over your shoulder as you make your way to the Main Deck. Next to the exit you see a figure sitting there, already knowing who it was.

"You really aren't going to stay?..." Buggy said softly as he sat on a barrel looking at the sleepy village.

Stopping you lean against the rails and look at the Captian- he luckily wasn't drunk like before but he looked depressed...

"Buggy... I don't think we are good for each other now-" You say softly, seeing the hurt in his eyes at this. Normally he would throw a fit at being confronted like this- but instead he seemed to accept it and bow his head humbly. "You love bombing me proves that- I know you want to do better now but that doesn't erase what you did before..."

"If...If I became the man you deserve that would treat you right?... would you come back?.." He asked softly, his own fake pride and ego being tossed to the side for the hope of your return.

"I don't know Buggy- I do love you.. But I don't think I can be with you. We are both bad for each other and... You broke my heart" You admit, seeing how he winced at your words. Nodding in a sad understanding that it had been his fault for this- Rubbing the back of his neck.

"But... Maybe in the future, if things are better. We can give it another go." You suggest, unsure of your own words- However you see Buggy look at you, a flash of something you'd never seen in his eyes before. Hope and Drive.

"Really?... If I get better we can maybe see how far this thing can go?" He said softly, you nodding as you adjust the sack over your shoulder. Buggy Biting his lip in thought and nodding, smiling sadly as if he had been told a disappointing joke.

"Well, I'll do what I can to be what you deserve. Even if I am the Biggest Fool in the East Blue, ill be the best there is"

He sadly laughed at this, Opening his arms to gesture to himself in a almost pathetic way.

"You know me! I manage to fail upwards. And Hopefully I can still land before your feet" He said with his signature smile, unable to help yourself you giggle softly.

"I have faith in you"

You kiss his cheek and give his hand a squeeze, tears rolling down your cheeks as you turn and begin to walk off the ship you'd call home for the final time.

"Goodbye Buggs" You say softly as you walk to the pier and into the darkness of the sleeping Village.

Buggy stood there on the deck of his ship, watching the love of his life walk away- taking away what shred of love he had left in his blackened heart- Yet he could only be angry at himself for it... he had driven you away.

His fist clenched as he held back his own tears, looking up to the sky to keep them from falling and let out a shaky breath. Vowing silently to become the best to bring you back to him..

Tag List-

@starsali @nerdisthenewcool @aleisha127 @delectableworm @aleracrovn @myhubbyisbuggy @d1ner @soft-mafia @foggyturtleknightangel @devils-blackrose @valentinass-whotookmyname @onelatenight-longago @natalieisfreeziing @straightedgegoth

[posallys]

all right here is my word vomit live watch

IMMEDIATELY i am slapped in the face by toby stephens as poseidon i am FERAL

THE LUKE AND PERCY PARALLEL “LOOK, YOU DIDN’T WANT TO BE A HALFBLOOD” OH MY FUCKING GOD

THE MISSING LUKE AND PERCY TRAINING SCENES OH DEAR LORD THANK YOU THANK YOU

“When am i ever going to use this” percy i LOVE YOU

“So you can use them against your opponent” OH BOY

Finally some action i love a good sword fight

But where's annabeths necklace imma kill people

Ooh some god strength okay okay tasty

HELL YEAH POSEIDON POWERS FUCK HIS SHIT UPPPPPP 

“I WARNED YOU. IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL, YOU'LL FIND OUT WHO I AM” OH I LOVE THE ENERGY YESSSS FUCK YEAH

GO OFFF PERCY 

“AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST A KID”

Ares didn't curse him i hate it here

OH WHAT IS THAT VOICE

OH MY GOD THE CABIN SOMEBODY SEDATE ME

this can go one of two ways

“Violent seismic activity” MMM YUMMY

UH HULLO THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED ALECTO!???

I lied there was a secret 3rd way this could have gone and it happened 

OOP THERE’S THE NECKLACE

“Where's the glory in that” wow tell me you don't understand Percy's character without telling me you don't understand Percy's character 

“I don't have an appointment” THATS SO FUCKING ICONIC OF HIM

Wait i kind of fuck with this olympus i was picture all white and pristine but this FUCKS

“SHOULDN'T THEY BE JUST AS AFRAID OF US AS WE ARE OF THEM” OH MY FUCKING GOD. OH MY GOD. HOLY SHIT 

“you're learning fast” OH MY GODDDDDDDDD

“Things that are small and scary….” BROOOOOOOOOOOO

the show has rights for the luke and percy content and posally and percabeth and that's IT

LANCE REDDICK ❤️❤️❤️ greatest of all time rest in peace ❤️ (you'll always be Cedric daniels to me)

Ohhh king he does a bad ass zeus

Where's poseidon though DONT TAKE HIM FROM ME 😭😭😭

Lance ily

Lance reddick zeus you're perfect to ME

OHHHHH YES GOOD SHIT

percy jackson king of audacity 

AGHHHHHJJJDHH POSEIDON I LOVE YOU BRIAN BROMEN OH FUCK YES IM. SNKDKKWKWJFKMQ3LI4HRND IM VIBRATING NRJNW OHMYGID

IM THROWING UP OH MY GOD

“I SURRENDER” OH BROTHER DO I HAVE THOUGHTS THOUGHTS TOO MANY THOUGHTS FUCKKKKK

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD IM GOING TO PUKE

TOBY STEPHENS LOVE OF MY LIFE

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE UNWELL IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

SHUT UP NOBODY TOUCH ME

“OBEDIENCE DOESNT COME NATURALLY TO YOU DOES IT” ohhhhhhhh brother call me an ambulance 

“I must take some of the blame i suppose” so you CAN read the books you just chose not to for the other 7 episodes….

THE SEA DOES NOT LIKE TO BE RESTRAINED FUCK YEAHHHHHB BROTHER

HIM ONLY UNDERSTANDING THE WORD FATHER IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF IM SOBBING 

POSEIDON SMILE IM DYING 

I DIDN'T LEARN IT FROM CHIRON AND THEN POSEIDONS FACE OH FUCK IM PUKING SHAKING CRYING

IM SO SO SO UNWELL IM LITERALLY INCOHERENT 

“Ares is a moron, as you noticed” STOP I LOVE HIM THERES THAT ASSHAT POSEIDON ENERGY IM LOOKING FOR

“of course we dream, why do you ask” “DO YOU EVER DREAM ABOUT MOM” I AM DEAD I DIED I ASCENDED IM FLOATING LEVITATING FLYING OH DEAR LORD OH MY GOD IM SO SO SO ILL

TOBY STEPHENS THE MAN THAT YOU ARE POSEIDON THE MAN THAT YOU ARE OH MY GOD HIM GOLDING PERCYS HEA DIM VIMITING SHITING MYSELF KILLING DYING DEAD DJFICJJWOKDKDJN FUCK ME FUCK FICK

TOBY TOBY TOBY YOURE PERFECTVTHE PAIN THE FACIAL EXPTESSUINNS IM DYING DEAD

THE PEARL KILL KILL KJAJDJWKKDJJDJDUEJJ2NH3H

I AM HYPERVENTILATING 

Not to be greedy BUT WHERE IS THE QUEEN AMING WOMEN WHERE THE FUCK WAS IT YOU CANNOT GIVE ME ALL OF THAT AND THEN NOT GIVE ME THE MOST FUCKING ICONIC LINE OF ALL TIME WHAT THE ACTUAL ABSOLUTE FUCK I AM GOING THROUGH SO MANY EMOTIONS WHATBTHEFUCK

there's still 20 minutes left taylor breathe it can still happen 

PERCABETH HUG MY RELIGION

annabeth luke percy trio is SOOOOO interesting to me

I hate percy knowing :( ur a bit too perceptive buddy but it's okay 

“I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D GIVE THEM TO GROVER TO WEAR” SHOOT ME IT WOULD PROBABLY FEEL ABOUT THE SAME

THE GODS ARE MY ENEMY, YOU IM HERE TO RECRUIT OHHHHH BROTHER

OH HELLO BACKBITER LORE OKAY

LUKE I GET YOU I UNDERSTAND

I MET YOUR DAD *SLASH* OH THEY GOT HIM THEY GOT HIM GOOD

LUKE PERCY FIGHT MY EYES HAVE BEEN BLESSED IN THIS DAY

PERCY APOLOGIZING HONEY UR TOO SWEET

ANNABETH OH FUCK OH HELLO

So tell me what are the plans for ttc now lol

I HEARD EVERYTHING ANNABETH HONEY COME HERE I NEED TO HUG YOU

I must ask….where the FUCK was this energy the rest of the season this episode is literally so insane it almost makes up for the rest of everything

“How does she feel abt all of this” ooh yummy i like the foreshadowing 

“I imagine she's thrilled” WRONG thalia would stomp freddy chases head in if given the chance

LEAH UR BRAIDS ARE GORGEOUS

stop percy had HEART EYES 24/7 FOR HER IM GOING TO COMBUST

“JUST BE A KID” IM SOBBING

THE SEARCHERS LICENSE IM CRYING SOBBING UR PERFECT GROVER 

“I'LL FIND YOU” FORESHADDDDDDDOWWWINGGGGGGGG

“NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WE MEET BACK HERE NEXT YEAR”, OH I LOVE THEM IM CRYING SOBBING OH MY BABIES

MONTAUK IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF FUCK DUDE U CANT DO THIS 

i want poseidon to be there i know he wont be but i NEED it

Stop honey percy ilyyyyy you're such a sweetheart im kissing ur forehead and tucking u in

OH HELLO “IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP” WOOOOAHHHHHHHH OKAY

“WE'RE STILL DOING THIS” LMFAOOOOO

“TURNS OUT IM PRETTY GOOD AT THIS….COME FIND ME” CRAZY 

……MOTHERFUCKER if they dont show gabe dying im gonna riot

WHERE WAS THE REST OF MY POSALLY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 YOU CAN'T GIVE ME SOME AND THEN TAKE AWAY THE LITTLE FROM THE BOOKS

WHERE IS SALLY MURDERING GABE HELLO

AHHH END SCENE LOL AH THE BOX

THE IMPLICATION THAT IT WAS ALL POSEIDON……..WHAT IF I DIE OH MY GOD

[strid3rboy]

i was planning to wait until the end of stridercestweek to say shit but all it took was a prompt i didnt wanna do for me to burry that idea. anyway

this blog is extremely and entirely gross, age gaps are gross and pedophilia is gross, even fictional, and thats what drives people to that kind of fiction obviously, they get to be gross little squeaky teenagers in their bedroom blasting "I Ship It" screaming twincest can't really be that bad

but as much as i enjoy some ships, and as far as i wanna go to support my friends who engage in the "proshipper activities" i can't say im not.. disgusted with myself? like seriously. i thought i was above it, above the feeling of being uncomfortable. And that was my mistake, youre never above anything, youre a child who wants to feel above emotions to be different and or respected.

I always secretly enjoyed unconventional ships, i kept it to myself like the "am i gay" quizzes i took and the multiple searches of boys kissing boys on my old tablet. It was secret, something to be enjoyed when by myself outside of others judgement or acknowledgement of its existence. occasionally i would find a piece of art or writting that was so disgusting even i couldn't keep it down, in those cases i scrolled past and pretended my facade hadnt just been questioned. But the disgust i feel is only getting stronger and is now accompanied byy.. shame guilt and. puking.

the moral compass in my brain is telling me to stop this bullshit and the part of me that cares for MY wellbeing agrees because. honestly. its making me feel more bad than good these days. i see drawings of bro strider and i gag. do you know how embarrassing that is? to be so disgusted with pixels on a screen that you slip into a panic attack?

i thought shipping and letting myself ship was a healthy coping mechanism to the shit i endured as a 10 year old ( THX Xavier ) i thought that looking at the things that happened to me, but from an outside perspective, and in control of it, was making me feel better but it didn't or no longer does i guess.

outside of how it makes me feel uncomfortable, theres also the social aspect of it which. is basically the constant fear that my friends and family will find out about this disgusting shit i do and cut me off their lives. im under constant stress that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE will recognize SOMETHING i do and call me out and ill be helpless to defend myself because by then im deemed a creepy monster. i dont think i am one i dont want to BE one. im a teenager for christs sake i just enjoy strilondes from time to time.

yea all that weird monologuing i did just now like i was doing some amazing reveal is to say that. im not really sure if i wanna continue with this account. i know i like drawing this stuff, and i know i like interacting with my friends who draw this stuff. and its the only reason i even write fanfiction, but i need to step back a bit from it if i want to be healthy about it. and i probably need to block the bro strider tag.

[totallyexhausted]

Heahcanon for JJK Kid!Megumi/ Dad!Gojo sickfic that my computer deleted that I'm thinking about re-writing...

okay so i know i had at one point (like climax of story) Megumi ( i think no older than 12- maybe like 9/ 10... idk) basically being one of those overly emotional and exhausted kiddos. Like his fever is high, he keeps puking, he's sticky and sweaty- Gojo gave him a bath earlier and meds---- but maybe because megs is overly exhausted he can't sleep, or you could have the noisy neighbors aspect (like they are throwing a party or something so everytime Megs goes to fall asleep or starts to relax, the music gets louder which jolts him awake and stuff). Anyway, Gojo has been walking around his apt with Megumi in his arms for over an hour or two because the kid will not stop cryin g(like that loud overly exhausted/ emotional crying kids do) and he's clinging to Gojo (something alarming in itself, and megs keeps crying about how he wants his sister - in my timeline, Tsumiki is already in the hosp and stuff). And Gojo is trying his best to calm the kid down but lets be real, this man is lost most of the time like if Reigen had to take care of Mob, like bruh. Anyway, he lowers infinity at some point and Megumi clings tighter to him, his hot fingers gripping Gojo's shirt/ arms and stuff- and Gojo starts panicking because touch...... eventually Megs falls asleep and Gojo continues walking around his apt (it's like 3/4 am) for a little while for good measure, the kid sagging against him, his tiny fingers still clasped around Gojo before the older man deposits the kid in Gojo's bed (i think i might make it where Meg was pretty sick and accidents happen dude), and basically Gojo lays the kid out on his bed before going into the bathroom and having a panic attack because this is the first time he's lowered infinity in quiet a while. Then he has a flashback to him cleaning Megs scrapped knees and hands or like a busted lip or something a few months back because Megs always got into fights (its a caring situation but also funny.... maybe Megumi defended someone and Gojo actually felt proud of him) and that brings Gojo back/ down from his PA. Eventually he falls asleep next to Megumi, the kid nuzzles in closer next to him when Gojo lays down next to him (at first, Gojo is like, ew child... but I think he'd offer comfort if Meg wanted it) and he rubs his back (because im a sucker for that soft affection), and falls asleep. He wakes up (idk probably like 1pm or something) to tiny fingers poking his cheek and he cracks an eye open to Megumi hovering over him demanding Gojo make toast. Gojo yawns, sitting propping his head up slightly, raising an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"

Megumi, kneeling next to him- "Toast. Make some."

Gojo, smirking slightly, "I see the fever burned away all your manners."

Basically ending on a funny sweet note 🙂

But the start or at least the run down, i had i think Gojo knowing the kid was sick and Megumi being like, no, im fine. And Gojo still kind of hovers (like he makes sure the kid eats, takes meds, that kind of stuff) and then later in the night Megs gets obvi worse.

And like i had a few flashbacks- Megs and Gojo meeting/ Gojo "saving" Megumi from his Devil Dogs (because it was around the first times Megumi summoned them- like he didnt have control over them and they scared him because he's like 5/6). and Gojo being like, "No, it's okay. See? They won't hurt you..."

Basically theyre puppies lol

Then another flashback to Megs visiting Tsumiki, and Gojo would take him to visit when he wanted, but he'd wait in the hallway to give the kid space.

I kind of want one too where Gojo defends Megs, or like he punches another parent (like the kid got into a fight with Megs over something and Megumi was in the right, but the parent said something about Megumi like, "no wonder the kid's fucked up" or something, and Gojo gets mad (maybe he presses Megs behind him) and he ends up punching the parent or something). idk lol

[dutifullyshamelessearthquake]

holy shit IM LOSING MY MIND??? I’m done it’s over and

I- I’m running out of ways to express my obsession with your Sickfics… I need to invent new words? Or new ways to scream in text form because I need you to understand how fucking AMAZING this new fic is 😭😭😭😭

It’s so damn good???? It’s SO SATISFYING????? HELLO?? oh my word cyno cyno cyno what an absolute mess you are.🥺 poor poor thing!! I love everything in this fic. I love their relationship and how comfy they are together - how much Cyno loved spoiling nari (and tighnari deserves it let’s be real) I love the use of implied both ends!! I feel like it works really well in this case and it’s subtle but I love the implication that maybe Cyno was coming down with a bug before hand since he wasn’t feeling hungry? But then it’s like the heavy food expedited that process. I love the descriptions of fullness and how he just- very quickly - is NOT okay anymore. UHG HIS ANXIETY??? you captured the thought process perfectly of just being seen and being seen too much and the constant what ifs. Idk if Tighnari knew cyno hated being sick in public but he ABSOLUTELY gets the picture now.

OMG and Cyno just refusing to be sick in the public restroom sent me. I was genuinely shocked he managed to not lol 😂😅 like you know you just KNOW that’s so much worse feeling in that situation. Tighnari must have been so concerned and absolutely not buying it at all. Cynos little “I’m fines” when he sounds like he’s close to tears STOP. AH!! And the weakness??? OML his faintness was just so good and I’m feral over all the little details with nari being like “ok if he doesn’t sit he’s going to collapse it’s time for mom mode” and how he takes command in those moments. So damn GOOD. don’t even get me started when Cynos finally sick I can’t. My heart. Just all the worst things he wants to lay down his stomach feels so sick and now there is puke everywhere and- It was such a perfectly written scene 🥺🥺🥺 and the little FOX TOY THAT HE CUDDLES??? I’m gonna DIE?? IM TRULY DEAD?? I LOVE how attentive Tighnari is with his fussing and then very tactful more subtle support, just giving him the toy so Cyno can hug something on the way home cuz even if Tighnari knows cyno would never in public he knows him and knows he wants to be held rn and i -

I believe it’s 100% a tummy bug and not the food and that the ‘heat’ he was feeling was for sure fever and nausea and that maybe it wouldn’t have been this bad but anything he ate that day was going to more or less rot inside him. I have no doubts he was not done with the restroom for a number of reasons after getting home but I absolutely know he was 1000% times more at peace. Except for him replaying the events in his head for all eternity.

I’m truly never going to recover.

amazing fucking work. I’ve already re read this and I will re read again and again and yeah. That’s it. I’m just. Simply. Deceased. 😭😭😭

Thank you for this gift 😭🩷

I AM SCREAMING, I WOKE UP TO THIS IN MY INBOX THIS MORNING AND I WASN'T ABLE TO STOP SMILING AS I READ THROUGH IT 😭 You have no idea how much these comments mean to me, you made my whole day with this!

I am SO HAPPY you enjoyed it this much!! Allow me to get sappy for a moment, it already makes me so happy that people are actually reading what I'm creating, but knowing people enjoy it so much?? It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and it makes me so happy. I enjoy writing sickfics so much, it's just a fun, self-indulgent hobby that I also happen to post online. And just knowing something I created, purely by having fun, is being enjoyed this much?? All the happy emotions!!

Alright, happy sappy earthquake out, let's scream about Cyno!

HE IS, he is such a mess, this poor boy 🥺 I definitely had it in my head that he was beginning to come down with something before the date even started, but having a heavy restaurant meal just made things go south so much faster. I'm really glad to hear I was able to pull off the implied both ends without it seeming too out of place!! It definitely felt like if I was going to have it anywhere, this was the fic for it, Cyno had a very unhappy stomach. He went from "i can handle this" to "i am NOT okay" in the blink of an eye and I feel so bad for doing that to him. THE ANXIETY! THE VULNERABILITY!! He can't stand that other people might just THINK of him as vulnerable, the smallest sign of weakness and he wants no eyes on him immediately. I definitely think Tighnari knew he didn't like being sick in public, but he didn't know it was this bad. He definitely hadn't expected Cyno's anxiety to go through the roof like that.

He BARELY held it together in the bathroom, I think Tighnari was just as surprised that he didn't throw up. Oh Cyno baby, I know you didn't want to get sick in a public bathroom, but you could've spared yourself getting sick in the parking lot. You just know he's going to replay this event in his head a million times thinking where he should've done something differently to make the day somewhat less mortifying.

THE LITTLE FOX!! PLEASE THAT WAS SUCH A FUN LITTLE DETAIL TO ADD. I have a feeling that little thing is going to become a big comfort item for Cyno. Only private because you know he would NEVER let anybody outside of Tighnari know that he even has a stuffed animal, but it'll become a massive comfort for him. We love Tighnari just knowing. He's so good at handling these situations and we adore him for it. He's giving Cyno so many hugs when they're home.

I definitely agree with you there, boy was feverish. His body temperature was all over the place, first the hot flashes and sweating, and then he was feeling shivery?? He's definitely sick sick 🥺 He's definitely not going to be done with the bathroom for a while. In my head I imagine even the drive home is going to be hell, I mean can you imagine being in a moving car on the road when your stomach is feeling as bad as his was? Yeah they definitely pulled over more than once.

ARGH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH! I'm genuinely happy you enjoyed it as much as you did!! Again, thank you so much!!

[core4writes]

𝐢 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮//georgenotfound

𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀：𝗀𝖾𝗈𝗋𝗀𝖾𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 

𝖶𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌：𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍，𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝖺𝗅𝖼𝗈𝗁𝗈𝗅

𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗋𝖽 𝗉𝖾𝗋𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗉𝗈𝗏

𝐚/𝐧: i felt like an emotional baby today so here is this. 𝖠𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗂𝗍𝖺𝗅𝗂𝖼 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝖿𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗁𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄𝗌. (BTW ENDING IS RUSHED BC I HAVE 0 MOTIVATION)

🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚🜚

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, You may kiss the bride." A tear swells up in my eyes as i watch him pity kiss the bride, even though it was a pity kiss it still hurt me to know the man i loved is up there with my best friend, paige. kissing her....marrying her. "are you still staying for the reception y/n? i heard there is cocktails." a woman said sitting beside me who happens to be y/n's friend, taylor.

"why did i even come here?" y/n says as my eyes are glued to the married couple walking down the aisle. "for paige remember." i take a second to remember to even come to this shit show in the first place, how did i even get hear, why did i let the man i loved slip away, was it my fault?

*flashback four years ago*

"oh come on y/n, just go with us it will be fun." my friend taylor try's to convince me, it's 12:30 a.m, were are sitting at my dorm room, i have to turn this assignment in by 7:00 a.m and they expect me to go to a stupid frat party with them. "listen y/n there are a lot cool people so you dont have to worry about being loser and not fitting in." Paige says with a smile "plus you got us so...well really you have taylor since im going to be making out with jacob." Paige says excitedly knowing that if she gets with jacob then she can go to all the cool party's.

"fine, i guess one party will not hurt me." taylor and Paige fulled with excitement, it all happened in a blur we were driving in a car, we were at the party, we were drinking, and now i'm alone at this party. im sitting on the ugly smelling couch as i watch frat boys play beer pong, and people making  out and socialize. i would look for taylor and Paige but im to drunk to even stand, I fiddle with the red solo cup in my hand.

a boy, a pretty boy stands in front of me. "hello, my name is y/n." slurring my words, "hello, i'm george." he pops right down next to me and smiles lightly, he has two drinks in his hand. "you look pretty lonely over here, so i got to a drink." he handed me a drink that i immediately chugged.

"are you british?" i say drunkenly as i lean on george taking in his cologne, "yes i am-" i cut him off "holy cow, a British frat boy ." he laughs at my drunk state, "holy cow." he mocks. "im not a frat boy, just a boy who happens to get drag to these party's by my friends." i gasp "the same thing happened to  me, my friends wanted me to come and i lost them i dont know where they are." as I was about to continue to rant I felt a uncomfortable pit in my stomach. 

"is everything alright love?" as much as i loved that i didnt have time to blush, i needed to throw up. i stood up and george stood up right after me holding onto my lower back, i started wobbling out the house with george chasing after me. i got out the house just to end up, throwing up in the bushes of the front yard. george seen and ran up to me.

he held my back and with the other hand he patted my back, "its alright, let it all out." his hands soothed my back as i puke, when i done i get up and dust my knees off. "hey lets get you some where private where you can clean off." george said. it all happened in a blur again he took me to his car, he opened his dorm bedroom, he let me take a shower, he let me wear his clothes, he even had to put on the clothes for me and he let me sleep in his bed all drunk.

The next morning, I wake up to feel a hand around my waist and someones head breathing in the croak off my neck. i shot up, looking over to see a random dark hair boy. he looked familiar, but i cant figure out who he is.

i take a good look at him for awhile till he bats his eyes open, "good morning." he sits up in bed right next to me "good morning," i say back. "did we do anything last night." referencing that we're in the same bed together.

he laughed "no...do you remember anything from last night." he gets up out of bed, he is shirtless. "uh, i wish i could." he pulls a blue t-shirt over his head "well my name is george." he put his hand out for me to shake it.

and a few months later we dated.

than broke up

*present*

me and taylor go to the reception, we are both wear light pink tinted short dresses. it matches the theme of pink rose petals, the party was good but there was something bothering me. not just the fact that my best friend is marrying my ex, but he was staring at me the whole time. as george and his bride cut the wedding cake he was looking at me, when they danced he was looking at me, when they kissed he was looking at me.

i felt bad and under pressured, the way he just had all his attention on me made me feel bad for Paige. i took one last sip of my cocktail and walked out the reception, I would be damned if I let him ruin my mood. i walk down the hallways walking towards the exit, i had to get in my car and get out of there. as i am about to reach the exit i hear my name.

"y/n.."

i turn to see george standing 5 inches away from me, "yes?" i didnt want to see him, this is his wedding day not mine. he comes closer to me and closer. our faces were inches apart now, and he traced my lips with one finger, lightly, lightly, then placed his lips there as if he’d drawn them into being. His lips were warm and soft. i broke the kiss, i had a gut feeling that shit was about to go wrong.

"im sorry george but i cant do this right now." i sigh.

"𝐢 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮." george said.

a/n: yeah im too lazy to finish lol.



[carvinglittleholes]

LYFE UPDATEE because I feel like coming back to tumbly today and ive been slowly feeling like myself again. I've been struggling with irl stuff like. with my brothers side of the family being very insensitive abt mental shit. but I went to my old house again and after stepping into my destroyed childhood home soaked in piss and mildew and torn into punch holes I just felt like I could say bye to it, finally, I can never go back to what it used to be so I can't miss it anymore. and I've been having so many dreams about my dad. I had a dream he shot himself in the face and I actually felt relief, when I woke up everything was strange again and I felt guilty for feeling relieved. each change of my perspective equals a change in my world and I wonder what emotions and sensations actually hold weight when with the slight of a hand it all goes away, be it positively or negatively. I told my former therapist that the world would reset every month and I didn't know why!!! and she said is it the world or just your perspective??? and in my head I say what's the difference... there are 7 billion worlds viewed through 7 billion perspectives, my world is different than yours and your world is different than mine, reality is a vr game, every time I play a vr game at someone's house I throw the remote lelelel fr I get too immersed... but anyway I have been getting back in touch with my interests, seeing megadeth did something to me im not even kidding, I limped back to the car before their encore but if I had left even a few seconds later I would have thrown up all over somebody. I dunno. It felt like some religious experience that pulled a piece of me from my brain I'd buried and forgotten about. my body did everything in its power to throw itself towards wherever the music was coming from, my hands were shaking, the rhythm of each song had been written into my dna and came through as an animalistic instinct to fucking thrash. now that I have a taste I want to go to moooore concerts mwahagahaha..... I've never headbanged myself sick before... im too broke to see korn, the megadeth tickets were won from a raffle so I just had to pay for water, maybe I'll get a job as a security guard for the pit and be forced to retire at 35 with complete hearing loss and 4 missing ribs and a fulfilled musical spirit. went to the doctor and im healthy but the only thing I am working on is my weight, and I am actually learning the ways of moderation without feeling like I have to starve or puke or overexercise or binge or any of the shit I used to obsess over. It's a part of my life instead of ruling my entire existence... I found that I'm enjoying coding, surprise surprise focking NERDDD (this guy has tried and failed at making visual novels and websites for 6 years dont listen to what he has to say about coding) I've improved at it over time imo but im just doing it for fun and to pass time and make something that looks cool 2 me. I've been pretty depressed the past month or so however long its been i dunno, but my spirits have been slowly raising, it's just another cycle for me to pass through and emerge from, i will enter a new phase or obsession or emotion soon, be it one im grateful for or one that i fight kicking and screaming. this was all of the positive or at least semi-positive shit that's happened recently, gonna take a shower now gonna ponder upon the beauty of life now gonna twerk it now #daveforpresident

[astxrwar]

i care about quentin beck so much please keep telling us about your thoughts and ideas. i am so totally not normal about him, he just has so much potential!! i adored your third chapter of ties that bind, i love the way you write him and you have such a way with words. its just very well done and im so glad there’s at least one other person on this planet who thinks about him <3

AHHHH THANK U ILY we can be deranged about him together <3

rn i'm working on chapter 4 (which is already at fucking 7k! that's not even counting the like 4k+ miscellaneous stuff I already have written that will go in later chapters!!! im on such a writing bender rn it's insane)

manic brain puke (SO MUCH OF IT. SORRY!!! i have the normal amount of thoughts.jpeg) about the details below the cut if you're interested

buttt basically premise is there are a few scenes covering from like december to about march, next semester stuff, etc, some Plot Details (for once! lmao) about trying to figure out PhD stuff that will be Relevant later on and then when you have to stay late again in like. march. right before spring break when banner's off at a conference in toronto for two days you end up forgetting your apartment keys in his office so they're like. locked in there until he gets back. anyway basically all alternative plans end up not working out and you end up just going with quentin to his apartment which you both are sure (well HE is sure, you're less sure than you are Determined lmao. you are both fucking Wrong) will change things exactly Zero Percent.

(spoilers. it does actually change things a non-zero-percent. are you,,, perhaps,,, friends now??? unthinkable)

anyway my thoughts are basically 1. atp you guys finally exchange phone numbers 2. you both realize actually hooking up in somebody's apartment (either of yours) is way better than hooking up on the sly in the bio building and then 3. your hot water boiler goes out in may and you end up there AGAIN for like a WEEK and stuff changes MORE and then 4. there starts to be some light angst and like. non-platonic feelings on both ends. shit starts to get messy because you start thinking about doing your dissertation in stark's lab and quentin is like. "absolutely fucking not and no I won't explain why <3" because of course they have beef.

quentin did his postdoc under tony in this au lol. he hates him because tony fucked up a patent for something quentin invented during the postdoc and it lost him a lot of money; obviously tony is stupid fucking rich (he owns and funds an entire university! insanely rich) but quentin is Not so it like. kind of irreparably broke their relationship. tony feels Bad and that's why 1. quentin is tenured despite being technically too young and gets paid a stupid amount for academia; like at least 100k. 2. he's not required to take on undergraduate researchers in his lab (a hassle, requires lots of teaching, usually a requirement for academic research) and 3. doesn't technically have to take on PhD students either. but he does not really tell you any of this explicitly, the details kind of just come together over time, and he definitely does not say why the thought of you joining stark's lab has him being like "absolutely fucking not lmao". a big part of it is that quentin is like... aware that tony just kind of Collects smart people (like him, bruce banner, basically the entire staff + his PhD students and postdocs) and in quentin's stupid little emotionally stunted baby brain he's like "he can't have this one!!!! this one is mine,,, >:((" and does he communicate this at all? no! mans is pathologically allergic to normal emotional availability sldkfsd

so despite historically avoiding taking on PhD researchers he's like. I will let you do your work in my lab if you don't go join stark's lab. But then the issue becomes like... dude you can't be my PhD advisor, we're fucking. that's not allowed. even just fucking your PI (lab manager basically) is a massive no-no and if it got out it would bring into question the reliability of literally all of your research (the fact aside that Quentin would never lie about science for anything. even for love. fuck that shit the way that he cares about people is by absolutely tearing their work to pieces not by pretending bad science is good. literally why he bothers you all the fucking time That's How He Cares It's Incredibly Dysfunctional but i digress) but i'm imagining that it's not really explicitly outlawed in the official code of ethics because it's tony stark's university lmao. He Is A Whore i'm sure he's fucked a lot of his PhD students/postdocs/etc. (Im thinking of having quentin and tony maybe have a past history when he did his postdoc. bisexual quentin supremacy. but also because it adds another layer to the whole "i do not want you to be around him At All" because he knows that tony is functionally incapable of having normal relationships with students. it's the ways that they are very similar but also very different etc etc) basically it becomes a whole deeply emotionally fraught Mess. bruce banner agrees to still be your PhD advisor despite you not doing work in his lab which is uncommon but not unheard of, but it's still like. either you and Quentin need to Stop Fucking or you need to agree that you're never going to have a bad breakup (I say this as if it's even a mutually agreed upon relationship and not just two morons incapable of admitting they care about each other) because it would absolutely ruin both your careers. angst(TM)

I probably will not make it an unhappy ending because I hate those. I have no idea how I'm going to end it though tbh

[anonymityisfunwriter]

🥇 Comment Hall of Fame 🥇

I really like when people comment. What better way to encourage interaction than by rewarding it? Here's a running list of some of my favorite comments, the ones that made me laugh, the ones that made me cry, the ones that kept me going. I love all the comments I get but these are just some of my faves from AO3, Tumblr, and Wattpad. You guys are all the best. 💛

"This series has the same equivalence to the mini episode cartoons like teen titans go but like BETTER I LOVE THIS SO MUCH" - @/thatboyisagunn · I remember watching the OG Teen Titans as a kid, so I really loved this comment. Plus, it sort of gave me the idea to do like one-shots as 'mini episodes'.

"“…morally ambiguous, sarcastic, charming brunette“ I know this is supposed to be referring to Flynn Rider, but it sounds an awful lot like Bucky to me. Loved this whole story! I was smiling the whole way through." - @/bookish_irish_dancer ·I laughed for an hour when this lovely commenter said this, because, yes, that is absolutely what I was going for.

"T Swizzle is a national treasure and I will fight to the death for her." @/aswiftlytiltinguniverse ·I will too. Okay, maybe not to the death, but I will post a lot of fics with TS references.

"I GODDAMN LOVE THIS SONG DUDE. THE ANGST, THE PAIN, THE CONFUSION AND GODDAMN JOHN I HATE YOU. BARNES I LOVE YOU AND SAMUEL YOU BIG BROTHER. I'm LOVING this Tay Swift-ness author." @toomanyfanficsbruh ·I like inciting John Walker hate. Especially all caps hate. This just made me laugh so hard tbh.

"Sis, as much as i love your stories and this story.. THIS WAS A PUNCH TO THE GUT, WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS *VIRTUALLY PUKES BECAUSE YEAH, I HAVE A FULL STOMACH RN* (but whatever i still love you uwu😊🤣😭🤗)" @/youraveragehotmessofabisexual ·The "why would you do something like this" really had me cheesy grinning like I know I just hurt my entire audience, but wasn't it fun?

"“LeTs NoT gEt EmOtIoNaL” my ass. I’m emotional. Let me emote 😭" @/BuckySimp101 ·This comment made me emote. And keep going with the GrumpyxSunshine series after Two Sides of The Same Coin.

"I challenge you to a duel anonymityisfun. You hear me duel, I hope you have a blood donner cos you're gonna need it ( I'm hating where this is going but loving your update speed. Keep it up )( side note I moved to mars so you're going to have to come here for out duel. )" @i-wanna-burn-the-world ·I can say with absolute certainty that I'd never been challenged to a duel before this comment. It's happened a few times since then to be honest.

"THIS MADE ME CRY AND I DONT MEAN JUST TEARED UP I MEAN I FUCKING CRIED MAN" @/Jwritesstuff ·If you couldn't tell, I really love comments that yell at me about what I made people feel. I love it.

"WHY WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO US IM LITERALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW WHY OH GOD WHY ARE THEY TREATING HER LIKE HOW HYDRA TREATED WINTER SOLDIER 😭😭😭 THEY DONT EVEN LET HER TAKE HER BELONGINGS ITS LIKE SHES NOT EVEN HUMAN THE WAY THEYRE TREATING HER OH GOD YOU'RE PAYING MY THERAPY 😭😭😭😭 THE TITLE ITSELF GOT ME HOLDING MY SEAT LIKE WDYM LAST KISS" @/Marquiserose ·This comment always makes me cheesy grin. I love the enthusiasm.

"SAM YOU BITCH! YOU CANT JUST LEAVE US! RULE NUMBER ONE!!!" @/any_ways ·Now, you guys didn't know what I knew, but the visceral reaction everyone had to Sam at the end of Two Sides of The Same Coin was *chef's kiss*

"When I gave this story my heart it was under the impression that you wouldn’t tear it out of my chest and stomp on it" @/HopeMAnd21 ·I know it sounds silly, but I like knowing that I can make people feel things. That the words I write can actually impact a person warms my little heart.

"I always have no feedback, criticism or words, but…I once again am lost. This whole this has twist and turns, one right after the other. I really don’t know what to say. This should be a mini book that I can hold in my hands and it has that little penguin on the spine, and anonymityisfun written under the title. I’m going to cherish this. When I’m bored and want twists and turns and sorrow, this is what I’ll read. You should be very proud!" @/any_ways ·Listen, I am, by no stretch of the imagination, a crier, but this comment made me cry. Being published, being able to call myself an author, even the idea of ever getting to put something out into the world, it's been my dream since I was a kid. Ugh, it just made my heart swell.

"you really did take all these characters and made them your own. from all the fanfictions i've read, your version of marvel characters are by far my favourite. i also feel very happy seeing this full circle moment because i still remember very vividly how sad i felt when i read how alone sunshine was. thank you for this series and i hope this is not the end!!" @/khirtelt ·This felt so important because, while legally I own very little rights to these characters, they do very much feel like my characters and my stories. They all have little pieces of me, both good and bad, and I'm very proud of the work I've put into these stories.

"110% babygirlification of Bucky Barnes" @/thesweetestheart ·I do not mind being attributed to the continued babygirlification of Bucky Barnes. It's now my life goal.

"I was thinking of you when the Taylor swift album dropped I HOPE U LOVED IT 🕺🏾🕺🏾🕺🏾 Also another Drabble masterpiece as PER USUAL" @buckbuckyoongs ·When you think Taylor Swift, I hope you think of me.

"I need a friend that loves me as much as Sam and Sunny love each other... AHEM, I SAID I NEED A FRIEND THAT LOVES ME AS MUCH AS SAM AND SUNNY LOVE EACH OTHER. please? (Now I just sit and wait until someone starts talking to me... I'm gonna be here for a while.)" @i-wanna-burn-the-world ·We all need a friendship like Sam and Sunshine.

"i ADORE THIS. I LOVE ITI WOUL KILL AND DIE FOR THIS. YOURE AMAZING AND I APRECIATE YOU POSTING YOUR WRITING, SO MUCH. I LITERALLY WIND DOWN AT NIGHT WITH YOUR STORIES-" @/ValerieQ "TYSM💜 AND OFC YOURE LITERALLY A GODDESS I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND-" @/ValerieQ ·This was all one comment thread and when I tell you, I was having a rough go of it, I needed this. You all hype me up so much, but this comment just made my heart melt. I'm so glad that my silly little stories are a place you guys can go to unwind and hang out. I love that so much.

"another beautiful work from @/anonymityisfunwriter and i can’t tell if i love or resent them for the pain they put me through. every. time." @mediocre-daydreams ·I wonder if they decided if they love me or they resent me yet. Either way, I'm glad I make you guys feel all the feelings. It's my goal.

"Binged the shit out of this and fell in love. I cried, I weeped, my heart swelled with so much love for these two. Honestly this series felt like a hot bowl of homemade soup on a cold day." @kjdara ·"A hot bowl of homemade soup on a cold day" Please, the way that made me choke up. One of the best, sweetest comments I've ever gotten.

"I found the sound on TT literally just scrolling through and screamed "Bucky don't leave her! She's your sunshine"... Needless to say I have a meeting with the boss man about time theft" @/MandaRinne ·The time theft part made me laugh, and also worry, but I'll take it as a good thing you guys think of the Grumpy x Sunshine series while scrolling TikTok.

"I'm glad they made up and love love the twist at the end. Because it truly signifies that sunshine is a fighter. And I love sunshine and I try to strive towards adopting the better parts of her personality into mine everyday. Fr." @/youraveragehotmessofabisexual -This, and I'm not even exaggerating, left me a little speechless. It will never not blow my mind that anyone actually cares about anything I've written.

I'll be adding to this every now and then. I just wanted to do this to show my appreciation to everyone who's supported me, it's the greatest feeling in the world. If you're here, if you've ever left comment, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you all so much. 💛

And please, take this as a sign to show support to other amazing creators and authors, comments, reblogs, kudos, it makes a world of a difference. 💛

And, if for whatever reason, you're on this list and don't want to be, just let me know and I'll take it down. 💛

[ethernetmeep]

something i remember mentioning in a draft, although not sure as to if i ever said it aloud; whenever i wear my doc martens, i have a crippling fear they’ll cut into my achilles heel and leave me unable to move.. now, i know in actuality you might just have slight motion problems, not be left immobile, but its always been a prevalent fear. ive been afraid of being cut around that area for.. years, now. below the cut (hah) is uh. some stuff mentioning the wound and personal things. sort of just depressing.

…when i wore my black pair of doc martens recently, even with thick socks, i remember they hurt. the black pair is likely to be a bit too small. i remember getting home and my achilles tendon feeling absolutely awful. i take off my sock to see, oh wow, two injuries! IN THE AREA! suffice to say i freaked out.

now, imagine you’re wearing a regular pair, one not too small— your arm is fucked up, (im just being honest here, if you want me to lie to the like, two people that read these, i don’t see the point.) in emotional pain, cried uncomfortably earlier in the day, and now are home. taking them off.

..a pool of blood had formed and soaked up into one of my socks, i bled so much from the area. i wasn’t even aware, but after figuring it out i was afraid. i now have a bandage on the area. i feel overwhelming uncomfortable in my own body. i dont like feeling the pulsing of a wound; it disturbs me.

now here i sit, arm scraped and heel uncomfortably vulnerable. i puked, and i still went and got up. it wasnt worth it.

as i walked by the wetlands near my house, i felt myself tear up at a memory. of a time when i was naïve and simply wanted to do new things; of the time i collected mushrooms in the pouring rain, marveled at vernal pools. i checked my mailbox; the spiders were nowhere to be found. i saw a roly poly while i was unlocking my front door; i looked above me and saw the long squished carcass of a bug, its blood green. i felt myself shake as i looked away from it and fumbled to find my keys.

i think about the small area i was in, the one next to the cafeteria with a small bench. i remember starting to tear up at the realization i was uncomfortably nothing in my seat, turning away as to at least somewhat hide my tears, to then have a teacher ask me if i was okay. i said i was fine; i just wanted to leave. i didn’t want to be seen crying—i dislike having people see me in emotional distress in that way.

sitting in there reminded me of the last time i was in that place, which seemed to make me feel even worse and cry just a bit harder. eventually i was able to compose myself and was able to get a small drink. i then got a friend a drink for her friend, as she was dehydrated.

as i sit here, in my bed, awaiting a bureaucratic lady to come stop by, i feel the following statement ring as true to an uncomfortable degree;

i am physically, emotionally, and mentally at my fucking limit.

….i will be fine, by all accounts. like ive mentioned before, i don’t die easily. its just.. jarring, to realize. even now i don’t have the ability to sit in the solace of my own room and cry, as she’ll be here any second and most certainly will wonder about my tears. It feels as if im stuck in some box i wasn’t aware i was inside of.

i want to go home, but i am home.

[anarchy-flagz]

FAGGOT

YOU THINK YOURE FUNNY DONT YOU? THINK YOURE SO FUCKING COOL? THINK THAT YOURE BEING SLY? WELL YOU ARE NOT! DAMN I TOLD YOU STAY OUT OF MY LIFE AND YET YOU KEEP SLITHERING BACK. IM SICK OF IT TO BE HONEST AND I AM NOT HAPPY TO SEE YOU IN MY INBOX AGAIN. GO AWAY! FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. IN ALL TRUTH YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON. DONT LIKE THE TRUTH? I DONT CARE! BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID TO ME AND ILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR IT. WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE WITH YOUR ACTIONS? HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF? WHY DID YOU GET RID OF SO MANY PEOPLE? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR GOAL HERE? IF YOU ARE TRYING TO MIND CONTROL ME AGAIN IT WILL NOT WORK. I DARE YOU TO TRY IT AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. YOU CANT PULL THE SAME TRICK TWICE ON ME NOW. I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. I DONT EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU! THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU MAKE ME SERIOUSLY HAVE THE URGE TO PUKE. ILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN JUSTIFY ABUSE. HURRY UP AND SHOO BEFORE I REALLY GET ANGRY. BECAUSE NOW THAT I REMEMBER HOW TO FEEL EMOTIONS YOU DONT WANT TO SEE ME WHEN IM IN RAGE. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. PLEASE JUST GO AWAY ITS ALL IM BEGGING OF YOU FOR THE LAST TIME. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

[therealpontius]

Possible fuck

No sub or dom dynamics

Plot: you visit your best friends house to play some guitar hero…. Just some guitar hero…

Warnings: self deprecation, smutty stuff but no sex

You got your the keys from your pocket that unlock your best friends house, ryan.

You had been friends with ryan since you where 11 and he ment the world to you, you often got told that you acted like a married couple but you both just laughed it off.

entering the house you got smacked by the pungent smell Miller lite and what was either puke or body oder "ry!" You shouted, closing the door behind you. There was no call back as there usually was so you started walking around his small house seeing crushed cans of beer and old takeaway boxes but no sight of the scruffy ginger man.

Walking down to his bedroom you started loosing hope that he was in but you saw him sprawled out on his mattress that lay on the floor shirtless and clearly hung over. Kneeling down next to him you got out the chocolate donuts you got him and placed them on his tummy "hey ryan, wake up" his left eye opened slowly and focused on you "hey sweetie" a nickname he gave you awhile ago that just stuck "i brought some donuts" ryan lifted his head to where you had pointed to see a box of four unopened donuts "hey chocolate, my favourite!" You got yourself comfortable next to him, letting your feet warm up between his legs. You shared the box and you could see him slowly waking up "so what sort of partying have you been up to?" Your speach muffled from the donut getting devoured "partying? Partying my ass, pity drinking" he said dramaticly, you tilted your head "i was supposed to be hooking up with this totally hot babe but of course bam stole her with his 'charm'" you both scoffed in sync since it wasnt the first time this has happened "i dont get what they see in him, hes a total ass pube. Me on the other hand? Im charming, kind and i have a bigger dick. They probably regret it as soon at they see that puny thing" he had no hint of joke in his voice but you couldnt help but laugh "your right its fucking tiny" he shot you a look "how the fuck do you know?"

An hour later ryan was leading you upstairs to play guitar hero, going on about how much he loves it and whatever. You got to the stinky living room and ryan looked around "sorry for the mess sweetie" "its fine ry, honestly i dont care" you both took turns kicking the beer cans away from the small, musty couch to clear some space. Once it was, partially, clean you both slumped onto the couch and he turned on the tv, picking up the wii remote that sat on the couch and the plastic guitar that sat on the ground. You pulled your phone out, going through your contacts when ryan set up, hearing welcome to the jungle by guns and roses start the game it got you exited "i love this game" you added making him nod "yeah im like the big daddy of this game" he didnt think of what he said, you froze "the big what?" "The big daddy" "just... play the game"

25 minutes of back and forth classic rock songs and crouds cheering telling you that you rock and a slight awkward silence that was filled with ryans thoughts musted the air. "i dont see whats so wrong with me" ryans random self deprecation caught you off guard and you lost you 100 note streak "what?" Your tone didnt sound so intested since you where too concentrated on finishing this song "sorry, i just dont get why no girls want me you know? Like im famous, am i just ugly?" You paused the game "wow wow wow wheres this coming from?" Putting the guitar down you moved your body round to face him, his eyes where teary and his mouth was down turned "ry whats got into you?" He laughed and put his head down "sorry i killed the mood" you could tell he needed some cheering up, as much as this would be a way of hinting he was being genuine, he wasnt open about his emotions "talk to me about it, i wont judge, im not bam, ryan" you both giggled "yeah okay i guess. I guess its hard to sort of be in bams shadow like everything i do is with bam. Dont get me wrong i love that stupid fucker and together we are better than apart but it makes him get all the girls. 'Bam! Bam! Bam!' All the girls running for him and he loves it. What about me? I live in a tiny house and the only girl in my life is my best friend" his frustration reeked and his face was getting red "sorry i didnt mean that in a bad way" you shook your head and placed your hand on his shoulder "ryan i dont care, im proud of your for sharing your feelings, and i think your hot if it makes you feel better" his face went red and he looked away "heh thanks, lets play guitar hero"

The song finally finished and he played his, this gave you time to think of what you had said "why the fuck did i just call him hot, now when i look at him he isnt actually bad looking. Wait, ryans really hot. Holy shit what the fuck" your mind raced and the realisation that your life long friend was actually hot "did you mean what you said?" He said catching you off guard "yeah ryan, i did" ryan cleared his throat and his cheeks flushed "i think your pretty hot too sweetie" he didnt look away from the screen, acing every note that flew his way. You sat in a pool of shyness, what has gotten into you. "I mean i dont know if its just this occasion, man he looks hot when he concentrates. The way his hands strain to play the notes fast look so hot, ah fuck it" you thought, bringing your lips to his, pushing his face your direction softly

*CLINK CLINK CLINK*

The noise of notes failing and the singer singing alone as the guitar had stopped playing along, he moaned into you softly as you slithered your tongue in his mouth.

*BOOOOO*

The croud screamed at the shite concert, but you didnt care. Ryan was lying ontop of you inbetween your legs as you caressed his face feeling his mouth upturn "you finally done it sweetheart" he spoke making you pull your face away, he was smirking and his eyes adored you "cmon, ive liked you for so long" before you could awnser he continued kissing you, grinding his buldge against your wet heat. You could felt his bulge growing fast and you fiddled with his button as he continued to kiss you

"Hey ass fa-" you both turn around swiftly to see bam standing at the door with a girl, both mouths wide open as the sound of thousands of men booing continued from the screeen. The woman stormed out "i was going to say your little lady felt guilty about ditching you last night that she woudnt even do me but whatever" bam walked out slapping his hands against his thighs. Ryan stood up fast "no wait, lucy come back!"

You where left alone with a croud of men booing you and your best friend, now crush, running away from a possible fuck with you for a possible fuck with another girl.... WHAT A DICK