#im shaky my stomach hurts and i am experiencing a new emotion im going to call sugar madness

[muffinrag]

forgor that I'm almost 30 and cant subsist entirely on sugar anymore. im "betcha I can eat all these fudge stripes" megan and he was right. megan no

[anarchycore666]

this is me venting a bit but i've decided to post it here

pretty much my life i've been living in severe emotional distress and general mental unwellnesss. this, in addition to experiencing poverty made my existence miserable. recently, my situation changed and i've began working on myself. i cannot express enough how much of a challenge it was for me to even consider trying to get better (mentally). i've always seen myself as deserving of my suffering, even though it wasn't even the kind of suffering that is an opportunity for change. it was debilitating and it led me to attempting suicide. words cannot describe just how sick i was, i couldn't even fathom that it can even get better. that hopelessness was with me since i was a child, i literally didn't know any better.

but eventually, due to several lucky opportunities, my environment changed. this gave me my opening. i've managed to begin working on myself and i cannot tell you enough how proud i am of that. i consider it my biggest achievement so far. it was incredibly hard, even with therapy and medication but im finally better now. of course im not done with my journey yet but that is besides the point.

all though i couldn't be happier about what i've done. recently my already shaky peace was disturbed. i don't generally see a lot of people talking about it, but experiencing relative emotional clarity after years of emotional pain feels euphoric. just the absence of apathy, anxiety and symptoms of depression made me feel extremely happy. i was feeling so good i didn't know what to do with myself. i was going around complimenting people, i was finally rediscovering my hobbies, expresing myself creatively. i could even study and read like never before and it lead to me feeling like i was in the seventh heaven.

all of this came to a halt when i've recieved some terrible news. that, and the memories from my childhood began coming back. not all of them, but just enough to remind me of that terrible time in my life. experiencing that pain again, even only in retrospect hurt thousands times more that it ever did before. it was honestly terrifying, i couldn't deal with it, it was excruciating to try and put it into words and tell someone. the worst thing was, i didn't know what to DO. i've let go of all the ways i used to deal with my emotions, and rightfuly so, as they were extremely unhealthy, but it lead to me not knowing what to do with my pain NOW. i uphold the idea, that you should try to learn from your suffering, so you can grow and evolve, but what will i even learn if i can't stomach it? i've tried many methods so far, but they just weren't enough. i thought that maybe, if i post it here for ppl to see, it will clear my head, even a little. don't get me wrong, im still extremely glad for my progress, i just want to express some of my feelings. maybe some of you dealt or are dealing with something similar and will find comfort in comfirming you aren't alone (honestly? so will i) i will reblog this on my other blog and even if we aren't mutuals, i want you to know that you can message me anytime.

[yourjughead]

Serpent Heart

Requested: "Please don't say goodbye, not now" and "all I'm doing is hurting you" with Archie from the prompt list.

Pairings :Archiexreader

Warnings: fluff, mentions//implied gun violence, swearing.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this! Also guys Tumblr has a new next limit thing and it's becoming increasingly more difficult and annoying to post fics on Tumblr.

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You saw with your boyfriend, hands tightly interlocked as you waited for Jughead to come and collect you for work.

“So golden boy Archie Andrews dating a serpent, never did I think I’d see the day” Cheryl passed the two of you quietly sitting in the booth.

“Take a hike Blossom” Archie narrowed his eyes

“Or what? You'll cut the brakes in my car?” she taunted

“Youd be lucky if thats all I do, beat  it” You jumped to his defense gaining a grunt from Cheryl before she strutted off. You leaned further into Archie, one of his arms draped around you before your phone buzzed to life on the table

“Why do you have to work for them?” he groaned

“I’m not having this argument again, i have to work” you kissed his cheek before slipping out of the booth, Archie not letting go of your hand.

“Let me come”

“Oh nononononononon” you shook your head from side to side half laughing “not in a million years would i let you come to work” he huffed again, dropping your hand and sulking.

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine”

“Awww hun don't sulk, look i have to go, Jugheads waiting but if you come ‘round my trailer at say 11ish i promise I'll make it up to you” you winked and gave your best seductive smirk and he laughed before nodding. Archie watched you walk out the door and hop onto the back of his best friend's bike.

~

You and jughead talked about nothing in particular as ye sat watch for the deal going around you. You put your hand up to single him to stop talking.

"something's wrong...." You barely whispered.

Then it went wrong. It all happened in a rush as the opposing gang took open fire on the Serpents, the serpents returning the favour almost gladly. You hopped out of the car without hesitation, Jughead on the other hand, still new to the life, was much slower. You, you were used to this life, it was your life. You sprung into action, with deadly precision, wounding the opposing gang and covering the back of your adoptive family. You were covering Jughead and with shaky hands fired a gun from behind you, hitting a leader. The big leagues, even you wouldn't take that shot, that's a senior member kill. Your eyes flashed to Jugheads at the sight of what he had done.

“JUGHEAD GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW! YOU'RE IN OVER YOUR HEAD AND THEY CAN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU WHO TOOK THE SHOT! I AM YOUR SUPERIOR. DO.AS.I.SAY” you barked orders and he obeyed, knowing his place in the Jr.Serpents pecking order. One of the opposing gang members followed the shot in his boss's shoulder back to where you and jughead once stood, now it was just you there. He raised his gun but was instantly taken down by your sister, your brother sweeping you up and shoving you in the back of Jughead's car. The whole way back to the Trailer park you stayed in silence.

“Thanks ynn…” Jughead couldn't meet your eye.

“Thats okay Jughead, you're my brother now, like Claire and Red back there protecting me, I was protecting you” your smile was sincere and you hugged him before making the short walk to your trailer.

As you approached you had an eerie feeling creep and crawl up your skin. Something was off and as you rounded the corner you  saw them.

The small group of Southside Scorpions gathered around a ginger being, your ginger being. You felt like you were going to collapse, air escaping your lungs, your shaky hands reached for your phone

*SMSGroupText: SerpentFam (7 participants): 999((911)) EMERGENCY. MY TRAILER. BACK UP REQUIRED ASAP. REPEAT 999- 11:10pm

The sudden sound of what seemed to be crunching bones and groans came from Archies direction and instead of following protocol and waiting for backup you sprung into action.

“Back.the.fuck.away.” you stepped bravely towards the 5, well armed, Scorpions.

“Ah YN YLN, just who we were looking for” the wicked grin across the clear ringleaders face made you feel ill. Archie laid  on the ground, face bloodied, barely able to keep his head from dropping forward.

“Yeah, looking for me, not him. Now back the fuck away” you sauntered up closer and you felt the group slowly put their hands on their guns.

“Aww brave little yn yln here to save her prince charming, wakey wakey scumbag, he's a footballer player by the looks of that fancy letterman jacket, probably straight A’, family guy, Mommas boy, he doesn't belong here, he doesn't belong with you. “ you didn't need her to say what you already felt in your very essence. Her foot went swiftly into Archie's stomach causing him to whine under her studded boot.

You automatically drew your gun and fired at her foot, sending her goons into response. Thankfully as a serpent, you're never really alone and you weren't either. Your friends swarmed, and swarmed with precision, providing enough cover for you to get to Archie's side.

“Oh my goodness archie Im so sorry sweetie” you draped one of Archie's arm around your shoulder and pulled him along and around the other side of the trailer where you were covered.

“I'm so sorry Arch this is all my fault! You don't deserve that and i don't deserve you” tears were ever so slightly starting to form in your eyes as a physically pained Archie tried to cope with the new emotional pain you were causing him.

“No YN don't say that” he groaned, attempting to sit up straighter but regretting it instantly. The sight of him in pain, ultimately caused by you made you feel worse.

“Archie...You should be safe here I gotta help my friends”

“No don't please don't, stay here where you're safe”

“No where, where i am can be called safe and that's why I have to say goodbye to you...i have to let you go so you'll be safe from this, that Scorpion loser was right, you don't belong here and we don't...we don't belong together” the gunfire in the background caused your attention to snap back to the setting of your break up.

“**Please don’t say goodbye, not now.**...not ever” his eyes screamed heartbreak while you both heard actual screaming.

“I have to go, don't do anything stupid” you brushed his cheek with your palm before standing to move.

“**All I’m doing is hurting you**” your eyes shared equal heartbreaking status, you ran back out into the warfield which had since grown in size.

~

A week after the incident you sat idly in your trailer, flicking through magazines. Archie had been admitted and released from hospital in the time since, all his friends except Jughead had basically sent you harassing messages and Archie had not made any attempt at contact. The result of the incident was a loss of 2 on either side, none of which were killed outside your trailer thankfully, all at the botched deal however you still hadn't left your trailer, you didnt want to see  anyone.

The sound of knuckles of your metal door startled you slightly. You first attempted to ignore the knocking but it was ever persistent. You took your gun from the dresser and reluctantly opened it to find a slightly bruised ginger standing there, a small bunch of flowers in one hand, the other in a sling. You allowed your armed hand to relac

“Umm...Hi Ynn...can i come in?” you stood back and let him brush past you. You leaned up against the doorframe as he sat down on your slightly ragged couch. You changed tact and decided to sit down next to him after putting the gun back on the dresser. Archie sheepishly handed you the flowers and you chuckled softly taking them.

“Thanks Arch” you bit your lip afraid to meet his eyes.

“Umm yn i don't want to be broken up any more” his voice was small to match his smile.

“I don't either Archie but..”

“No don't say but, just say you want to be together” he was getting slightly frantic

“I want to but…”

“No no buts” he leaned in and with his one good hand wrapped to the nape of your neck pulled you into the sweetest kiss you had ever experienced. When you separated your eyes were teary.

“Oh hey yn please don't cry”

“You're hurt because of me Archie”

“Yeah i am because you broke up with me” he nudged you playfully.

“No i meant...i meant” you put your hand on his slinged wrist before kissing it gently.

“If a sprained wrist and a few bruises is the price i pay for you, Ill pay it a thousand times over” he took your hand in his and gently rubbed the back of it before kissing it. You smiled sweetly at this action before laughing lightly through the tears.

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Much love Xx