#maybe a fat fucking hamburger would fix me...

[muffinrag]

forgor that I'm almost 30 and cant subsist entirely on sugar anymore. im "betcha I can eat all these fudge stripes" megan and he was right. megan no

[wayward-mikaelson]

Come Back pt 6

Word Count: 2953

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Characters: Dean, Sam, Cas (mentioned) and Reader

About: Everything slowly get’s back to normal. Except for the hot sex that the Reader and Dean had before. The reader and Dean talk about trying to actually have a relationship until that takes a small turn when the Reader and Sam share more just a moment. After learning about Dean’s secret.

Warnings: Language, Angst, Cheating (Mentioned), Smut, Unprotected Sex (be responsible and be safe. Wrap it up), Fingering, 

18+ CONTENT. YOU KNOW THE DRILL, CHILDREN, KEEP ON MOVING. NOTHING TO READ OR SEE HERE.

A/N: I ditched my current SPN short just for this part. This mini series now has a masterlist! 

WANNA BE TAGGED IN THE NEXT PART? COMMENT BELOW!

I don't recall much of how I got back to bunker. I remember blacking out many times from blood loss. I remember Sam's soothing voice as he called out for Cas to show up. I remember a fuzzy looking Dean just standing there, doing nothing. Why wasn't he next to me? I wondered. Why wasn't he encouraging me to stay the way that Sam was? I black out again and wake up in the Impala to Sam holding me telling me, "It's okay, I got you." Those words are enough for me. I lean my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. I feel extremely safe in Sams arms.

I wake up in my room in the bunker. There's a glass of water sitting on my night stand and a few Advil. I see a small note that said Cas said you might wake up with a headache, this will help it. -Sam. I smile and take the Advil because my head was slowly killing me. I set the paper down and get up. Everything in the room spins and I am back to sitting on my bed. Cas must have done some serious healing to make me feel this way. I look down and lift up my shirt a bit, no scar. No sign of ever being stabbed. Just perfectly smooth skin. The way it has always been.

There is a slight knock on the door and it cracked open, I put my shirt down. Dean walks in. "Hey," his voice sounds relieved. But Dean isn't who I want to see. Not after he just stood there staring at me while I bled out. He was always so quick to get to Sam or someone else when they were attacked or on the brink of death. "You're awake."

"Yeah," I fake a smile. "And starving too. How long was I out?"

"A couple days," Dean says sitting next to me. His fingertips drawing circles on my arm and making their way up to the buttons of my shirt. "I can fix the starving part though." Dean leans in to try and brush his lips on my cheek.

"Not that kind of starving," I get up and with luck, I managed to stay up and not fall over. I see the shock on Deans face by the rejection and for some reason I don't feel bad. "Starving as in I want a nice fat juicy hamburger. Preferably wrapped in bacon."

I watch as Dean forces a small smile. "Right," he gets up and you can visibly see his hard cock pressing through his jeans. "Um, let me just get ready and then I can take you to that burger joint in town." Dean get ups and walks right out of the room.

I take a deep breath, grab my cup and walk out of the room. I hear the shower down the hall and knew exactly what Dean was doing. I am really tempted to slip on in there with him but, I knew I can't. I go straight to the kitchen and see Sam sitting at the table eating a sandwich. My heart takes a sudden a stop and I take in a deep breath.

"Hey," Sam finishes the bite he took. "You're awake! How do you feel?" Sam gets up and hugs me. Without thinking, I take in his scent as I hug him back.

"I'm okay," I pull back but notice that Sam's hand lingers a few seconds on my side. "Dean says I was out for a few days."

Sam tenses up at Deans name. I didn't want to ask about because I'm sure I would hear it from Dean later. "Yeah, Cas found out that there was poison in your blood,"Sams voice is hard. What the hell happened while I was out? I wonder. "It had spread pretty fast and Cas wasn't sure if you'd pull through." His voice somewhat breaks, and he straightens up and he's back to looking like normal Sam. Except, he isn't normal Sam. Something is bothering him.

"Well," I say patting his arm. "I'm awake and alive. Cas did a good job like he always does."

My hand slowly slides down Sams arm and he catches and holds it. I give a small smile as he rubs his thumb across my hand. It feels nice. It feels right. I clearly don't want it to end and the look in Sam's eyes says the same thing. He takes a step forward to close the gap between when Deans voice startles us both from down the hall. We take a step back and Sam drops my hand.

"Alright," Dean walks right into the kitchen. Oblivious to what happened two seconds before. "Are you ready for the greasiest and fattest burger of your life?" He asks me tossing his keys back and forth in his hands.

I fake a smile and nod. "Hell yes I am."

"Good," Dean starts to make his way out. "I called in a special favor to make you that burger."

I follow Dean out and look back at Sam. He's watching me walk away and I give him a smile. A real genuine smile. He returns the smile and I can't help but feel my heart melt at the it. What the hell is happening to me?

Once one the road, Dean is quite. I can tell something is bothering him. Maybe Sam? Maybe me rejecting his invitation for sex? Both?

"Hey," I reach for his free hand that always rests on his leg while he drives. He didn't pull away which makes me happy. "I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to make  you feel rejected."

Dean pulls my hand up and kisses it. "No, don't apologize," He says. "I shouldn't have been thinking with my dick." I smile and we continue the rest of the drive in silence.  

Something still is off with him by the time we make it to the burger joint. It's probably Sam, I think to myself. I'll find out soon. I take a sip of my beer when a long hair ginger woman walks in. She spots Dean and looks him up and down and smiles. I look at Dean who is just too focused on his hamburger. Maybe he didn't know her? Maybe she found him attractive? I mean who wouldn't? Then the woman sees me and her eyes get hard and she turns away. Okay, I think to myself. I don't bring it up.

We finish up at the burger joint and stop at a gas station to pick up some beer when I see the same ginger chick show up. From the impala window, I see her stop Dean. Dean who is surprised says something to make her back off.

"Who was that?" I ask when Dean is back in the impala.

"Some chick who has been trying to make a move on me for the last few days," He says and notices the look on my face. "I went out to bar a few nights ago to clear my mind and she was there and she tried to get into my pants. Nothing happened." I notice Deans eyes shift up and look at the ginger chick. Something happened and he won't tell me. Maybe that's why Sam was tense when I said Dean's name.

"Okay," I say sitting back.

"Anything else?" Dean asks before driving off.

"Yes," I say looking at him. "We should work at having a relationship outside of us having sex. So no sex for a few days. Let's just do couple like things like watch crappy movies and go out to dinner or lunch. Then we will revisit the sex life if we can have a relationship outside of it."

Dean is quiet. Dean has always been a a physically intimate guy. Part of me doubts that it'll work but, if he really wants to move on with me then he will have to work toward it. "Okay," He says putting the Impala into gear. "But, could we have fun like with toys and straps."

"No," I say with a small little smile. "As much as 'have fun' sounds fun. If we can be a couple outside of this and work for it, then I will let you strap me up as tight as you want and fuck me as hard as you can." I give him a side glance and see his side glance.

"Alright," he says with a smirk.

When we get back to the bunker, Dean get out saying "I think I'm going to hit the hay early and maybe tomorrow you and I can see what you actually know about cars. Baby here," he pats the hood. "She needs a tune ups."

With that he walks on into the bunker. I lean up on the hood of the Impala and think. I think about anything but Dean. This last case involving the shifter has made me want to think about anything but him. Even though, it wasn't really Dean but the shifter posing as him, the whole situation has made me think. What do I really want? A fuck buddy or someone who actually cares about me and doesn't care about wanting to have sex twenty- four seven.

I walk into the bunker to a door slamming in the distance. There stood sam in the library looking pissed off. "Guess I missed an argument," I say walking down the stairs. "What was it about?"

Sam looks up at me and then back at the table. "He does't know what he's doing," He mumbles loud enough for me to hear.

"What?" I ask sitting next to him at the table.

Sam looks up at me and signs. He shakes his head. "I really shouldn't say it. It's his place to say it and he won't. He wants to choose to forget it." Sam clutches his fists. I knew it was serious.

"What is it?" I hear the hardness in my voice. My suspicion from earlier rises to the surface of my thoughts. "Did he do something while I was out?" Sam just stares at me with eyes that answer my questions. "He did, didn't he? That asshole." I quietly laugh to myself. "And here I was trying to figure out if he and I were relationship material. Who?"

Sam reaches for my hand and I let him take them. "I'm sorry," He says softly. "It was some ginger he says. He even regrets it because he was drunk, thinking he was going to loose you." When Sam says ginger, my body shakes. Sam continues, "and it wasn't just once, it was a few times. But he wants to forget it ever happened."

For some reason, I don't cry or have the will to cry. I just stare at Sam. Why? I wonder. I was healed. I pull my hands away and stand up. Without thinking, I begin to laugh and I have hard time stopping. Sam stares at me with confusion clearly on his face. "Are you okay?" He asks coming up to me.

To both of our surprise, I grab Sam's face, pull it to mine, and kiss him. The kiss sends sparks to my brain and shivers down my spine. Sam pulls away slowly. I pressed my lips together. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I don't know what came over me."

Sam gave a small smile, "Don't be." Sam put his hands on mine face and brought it back to his. This kiss is gentle. Not rough like our first kiss. Sams hands trail down to my hips, his fingertips leaving goosebumps through my clothes. When his hands are on my hips, I wrap my arms around his neck. He lifts me up and set me on the table where I also wrap my legs around him to keep him close to me. The action alone makes Sam pick me up. Without breaking apart, Sam walks us to his bathroom which is on the opposite side of the bunker.

"Are you sure about this?" He asks pulling away from me a bit. Feeling his dick harden has me excited.

"Yes, I need to every inch of you on me, in me, everywhere," I say as Sam set me down. I swiftly take my shirt off to expose my braless chest. Sams eyes linger on me while he takes his shirt off. Biting my lip at the sight of his chest and abs, I take this opportunity to turn the shower on.

I feel Sam come up behind me and kiss the back of my neck. It sends shivers down my spine and I let out a sigh. He runs his hands from my shoulders to my breast where he cups each one. He proceeds to run them down my stomach and to the pants waistband. I close my eyes as I feel he undos my pants just to slide a hand into them. I take a free hand and reach up behind me to touch his face. He kisses my neck again making me sigh again. As soon as the sigh leaves my lips, I feel Sams fingers find my folds and he instantly begins to massage them.

I let out a small moan when Sams free hand flies to my mouth. "Shh," he coos into my ear. "Another sound and I'll have to gag that pretty little mouth of yours." The idea of being gagged, has me extra excited. I have no more time to think about it when Sam inserts two fingers inside of me.

The grip over my mouth tightens so my gasp and moans were muffled as he slowly but firmly pulled his fingers in and out. My muffled moans were starting to get out of control. I drop my head back onto his chest as I feel my stomach tightening up. My hands claw at whatever exposed skin it could as I grew closer and closer to my orgasm. I need the control but, Sam, oh Sam is really good at not letting me have it as his free arm pinned both my arms to my chest. Then all of a sudden his fingers were out and his hand is out of my pants. But his hand remains over my mouth.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into my ear. "Were you close?" his voice is teasing. I like that and get excited all over again. If my mouth wasn't so constricted by his hand I would have playfully bit him. "Get in," He releases me.

I remove my pants and underwear and willingly get into the shower. The water is still hot. As I let the water run over my body, I feel Sam slip on in and wrap his arm around me from behind. He rests his head on top of mine. We stand like that for a few minutes before I turn around in his arms.

"Are you still sure about this? Do you still want me?" He asks. "We can stop any time you want."

I grab his face and pull towards mine. That's enough answer for him. Sam slides a hand down my back to my thigh and picks up to wrap around his waist. He pushes me to the shower wall and deepens the kiss. This kiss isn't like the one from the library, there was hunger behind it. I feel his hand reach between us to guide his dick to enter me.

Without breaking eye contact, Sam agonizingly and slowly slides himself right on inside me. I bite my lip from making a sound and Sam groans softly. Once he's fully inside, he waits as I adjust to his size. When I am, Sam puts a hand over my mouth and begins to thrust hard into me. My small cries of pleasure are muffled by his hand. My arms that are still around his neck tighten, making Sam thrust even harder into me. The sound of his small grunts make my stomach tighten. I drop my head to his shoulder and close my eyes. I focus on his movements and as I do, Sams thrusts start to falter. They are still hard and they go deep making me closer and closer to my orgasm. Sams hand covering my mouth begins to slip and I can tell he's getting closer to his orgasm too.

A few thrusts and small grunts later we feel the sweet release of both us orgasming. I feel his warm cum fill me up. I am holding on tight to Sam, digging my nails into his back and biting my lip hard enough that I swear I taste bloodThey sure would leave a few marks. Our silent screams stop and we are left holding onto each other until we feel that the water is cold.

Sam let's my leg slide down as he pushes away from me. "You're not going to regret this are you?" He asks me whipping a hair out of my face.

I shake my head and trail my hands on his chest. "No, I wanted this and you've been on my mind a lot since that night."

Sam wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. "Well, then, in that case, you also have been on my mind and," His voice trails off for a few seconds. "I've been in love with you since I met you at that diner. Now, I don't except you say it back because I know you want to see if things with Dean work out but if you can't and feel the same," he pulls back and cups my chin. "I'm always right here and i'm waiting."

TAGGED: @donnaintx​ @myinconnelly1​ @magssteenkamp​ @squirrelnotsam​ @elansaidaris​

[imperiusv]

IV - Raging, This is the End

I loved that vacation on the sea just you and me, i always wanted to go to that place with someone since I was a child, it was really special to me and i loved that you enjoyed it , food was shit tho and it wasn’t as good as I remembered, but well worth it with you. After/before that i quit my job to study for the exams, i knew shitty days were coming and they were, but I had to do that, there was no other way, that job was a dead-end , draining my energy and abilities and opportunities, I had to graduate, I knew this would fuck us money wise and relationship wise, I would be way more needy,angry and would probably lead  straight down the rabbit hole , but I had to do it. In those days it was really hard for me, as you weren’t understanding at all , showed zero patience towards me and generally made me feel ever worse, that’s how i knew you weren’t the right for me , you just weren’t there for me, like you kept doubting me for everything, like doing business or having kids, that time when your period was really late, this drove me so far away from you, i was really disappointed and stopped loving you so much, i think that was the moment i started losing you for real, step by step,slowly over the course of an year. We went to Hamburg to visit my family that was nice , really thoughtful of you, I will go soon again, as i haven’t seen them ever since. Rome was good too, just that thing with the black guys was horrible, at that moment i didn’t realize what had happened, I was just so disgusted that i wanted to get away from them, I didn’t see that you got hurt or felt like that and do regret it to this day, its one of the things i really messed up.There we had a good time , we should have done more fun stuff, but i guess i was in a different mentality back then.That surprise i made for your birthday , i really put so much effort into it, I was thinking like stuff from our shared past and to make a trip down memory lane, i hope you didn’t sell the necklace, i see that you still wear the bracelet, I am happy that you do. The weekend getaway for our anniversary was nice, we should have done that way more often, i kinda regret now that i didn’t get my shit together to get a driving license, but i was just fucking worried how am i gonna cope with money and having a car, again the fucking money thing, i realize now how much of a problem not having enough money is , it gives you stress, makes you worry about a lot of stuff, stops you from doing things and prevents you from enjoying yourself, which adds up slowly over time and generates even more shit ,arguments and bad vibes. Slowly i was getting my shit together, i had graduated , my fucking internship was almost over , i was going to job interviews, which were all really bad,it was really draining on and when i finally thought i was gonna get shit done for good, like get a good law job,getting a driving license, fix my relationship with you, at which time it was already apparent to me that there was a problem i had been ignoring for quite some time and we were slipping   and finally  do what i thought i wanted to do and be happy,of course not even one of those things came to fruition ,everything came crashing down again .The whole driving test was rigged, they fucked me in the ass for money, over complicating absolutely everything, you being less and less understanding,cold and distant and increasingly more toxic and what hit the worse was the realization of post graduate life  that, you wont make any money and your life will be shit, thank you for studying for 6 long years , here is less money than a fucking cleaning lady, but yeah it says MR LAW in front of your name, shit i was gonna even be a detective, good thing i didn’t go down that path or how you were telling me to go for lawyer and we will manage with your salary and scraps from my dad, fuck what a shit show that would have been. You have no idea how shitty it was looking for a job and getting shit from interviewers and going on about ridiculous  job offers, because you and my dad were pressuring me, praise the Emperor I didn’t let that shit get to me, which was the difference between us , that i never listened to my parents, even though you always  made fun of me about being a little bitch and listening to my dad, nope, I am not you and I really really really hated how dependent on your parents opinions you were , how you made so much efforts to please them , although you thought you didn’t , you did a lot. Every time you went there for the holidays i would get pissed, because i wanted quality time with you, not to go to my fucking town and listen to my dad and his dumb as wife bullshits , it just drained me so much, being away from you, I should have embraced it and be happy for the alone time, but instead i missed you, which only shows how much I truly loved you. Standing in the cold in the frozen wind I’m leaving you behind but it’s not the end No, no, no Walking on a plane as I hold my breath It’s gonna be weeks till I breathe again How can someone not get depressed after so much shit coming their way, now when i look back I can’t blame myself that much for being like that, I mean i still blame me of course, I should have handled it better, but definitely i look with more kindness on myself going back over this period of my life, Nobody , literally nobody understood me, not even my dad, brother, friends , not even you, it was horrible , funny thing is now my friends are going through the same shit and my brother kinda is as well and they see , but back then no one even tried or made an effort, it was just nagging and bullshit and putting more and more pressure on me in a moment that i needed support and understanding.So in this shitstorm a trip with your parents was the last thing on my mind, but i could not go, you would go crazy and they would be offended, probably it would have been way better if i had not came. I really tried with them, I still can’t figure out why they never liked me. Maybe they knew i was a bad match for you and you had to keep it up with me or God knows why, it doesn’t even matter anymore of course, like most things.I was annoyed by them in that moment,but i was annoyed by everyone and everything you knew that and i still kept face and behaved, I helped them, i was useful and nice, except for groping your ass and fucking you like crazy, but WTF you were my girl, of course i would do that, Jesus fucking Christ, this was/is so  fucking ridiculous.Slowly over those months i could feel you slipping completely, you started to disrespect me a lot  and slowly  i went from your top priority, lol like that ever was true, to bottom line priority, you would prioritize time with your dumb ass bitch friends than spend time with me,the most absurd thing was that we would have fights that we don’t do anything and go anything, but so convenient, you would work on the weekends, the next one you would have lectures, the third one you would go see your mamma, and the 4th one in the month , you would be meh, lets go eat pizza, I’m tired and i wanna rest, which for me was okay , i loved taking you to restaurants, not the same five places of course, we could have tried more stuff, but every week we went out , the problem was you were bitching we don’t do shit and it was your fucking fault and i don’t blame you, i was bad company at the time , its normal to not wanting to spend time together, sadly i needed time alone, we should have split then, until i figure my shit out, that was the only way , but i was too weak to leave you, too desperate to hold on to our dying toxic relationship ,but If i had left you back then , we would still be together, how paradoxical that is, but it is God honest truth, but I’m glad that did not happen, because we would end up having kids or getting married and one day i would wake up and be like what the fuck is going on with my life and why am I with this women, who is clearly not worthy of me, as cmon you never were, not just looks and intelligence, but also your behavior , character and vibe, you are unstable , unreliable and untrustworthy and very volatile ,not someone who would want to have kids and build a future together for sure, good for some time,yes you were not right for me at all , but let me get that CRYSTAL CLEAR that doesn’t change the FACT that i loved you more than anything. Everybody around you was hating me , of course you would start to do the same ,for their own selfish reasons, your boss, he was jealous of me, the fat fucker, that i would get that ass every night and he can’t see his dick from his fat belly, but i didn’t give a damn about that porker, i have no idea why you thought i was jealous of him or whatever, an absurd notion. Back then i didn’t think you could fall so low like you are now, but to be honest you always had an affinity for gross disgusting guys , e.g Romane, Lazslo , that guy you used to date before, most of your male friends, I do believe they made you feel better and more secure, because you felt better than them and you did not have to put so much effort in it or worry about it , or feel bad and be willing to work for it. I saw that pattern even back then and from your conversations with your mom , I think you were raised like that as well, to be mediocre and settle for less , just so you don’t get burned by the fire, which is really sad, but hey , its only your life choices, so who cares. My step brother’s prom came and it was like a really weird spin of fate, two years before that was my brother’s prom and we were so happy ,not pretending, this time around,  we just looked happy in the photos and were pretending that everything was okay, which all my family noticed, sadly except for me , but to be honest i knew where we were headed , I just didn’t want to accept it , I used to talk with my dumb ass friend from my town over the phone, going on at great length , how much you are not for me and how much better it would be if we split, but i still had hope that we might get over this and things will be different , that you are different and I am not right, its only a temporary thing and so on and so on, what a fool for you and your love I was. After that your behavior grew increasingly erratic, you would pick fights with me for the slightest of things, complain about everything, nag and blab all the time. I was so worried at that time for securing employment and my upcoming last exam , that i scarcely took notice of said behavior  , which for the time was the exact thing i should have done, but as my mind cleared i focused on the things you were saying and complaining about, which was my complete downfall, trying logic and reason with you, when obviously you were doing it on purpose or perhaps you weren’t ,but it came from your deep underneath your  consciousness, in a way to force me to leave you , because you could not do it yourself. Those last months were horrible, constant bickering and fighting , i was gonna give you a meme - toxic is good , toxic is great , but we split before i managed to send it. This was quite visible and from the time we spend together or more correctly we did not, you would be at work or drinking with your slut friends , who more than anything wanted you to be single, it’s not normal for your girlfriend to get drunk, especially when she know she has a drinking problem, lol that was joke. But yeah it wasn’t normal that you would go out at noon to drink with you friends and come home at ten , knowing that this is our only free day we should rather spend it together doing something just the two us or with other people,but us together, that was my problem, not you drinking with your friends or in generally getting wasted, problem at the time of course, as I needed you, now if i was in the same situation it wouldn’t be a problem , i would just do the same with my friends or dump your disrespectful ass, you have no idea how low my tolerance for bullshit has become, if you think i was bad before, you should look at me now, I am perfectly aware of who I am, my self worth and self imagine, I am not gonna let anyone, let one some dumb ass bitch fuck with me or walk over me, its either my way or the fucking highway, you wanna be part of my life, my good vibes and self amusement mindset, have a good time, then you must contribute , you must bring something good to the table as well, if not , okay , good luck out there and hope you find what you are looking for. This has been my mindset lately and it has worked wonders for my mental state and happiness. No one cares about that tho , so lets move on  to the action part-  APOCALYPSE  Ever since i started working ,I was hoping things were gonna go improve and we might pull through , but nah, you were already set on breaking up and looking for another guy , that better looking guy from your work that split with his girl didn’t go for you, because he probably saw what you were and you took a liking into gorrila joe , he does look like a monkey to be honest or Mr. disgusting like we like to call him, he was giving you free attention, validating you and boosting your fragile ego and you decided why would you bother with me when you can have this wimp in your legs and walk over him , why try hard when you can go easy and let go of yourself and just give him the only thing you had of value, hidden between your legs. I remember when i met him for the first time, how he looked frightened, we were still together, he knew i knew what was up, but i did not believe you would fall so low and just disregarded him , i mean cmon this guy was so fucking disgusting, how could you even... Just before the end you would go into the most ridiculously arguments , like why i don’t want friends, it was none of your business and i have friends, i just didn’t seem them because of you , you would bitch and moan if I did and generally hated them and other stupid things you would fight with me, i knew the end was coming, as this shit has happened before with another , just a short explanation here, the moment we split she started writing me , sending me cringy snapchats videos of her, for the sole reason i can’t record them or SS , with stupid quesitons how are you doing and so on , my friends said i should fuck her to make you feel bad, but that whore was absolutely disgusting to me, i only entertained the idea of talking with her to get the old photos that got deleted, THAT WAS THE ONLY REASON, she was so insignificant and inconsequential to me that i wouldn’t even care if she would come butt ass naked to my doorstep begging for cock, i would laugh and go to the gym, she appeared again in this story 6 months later, but thats or the last chapter, if  she is reading this by any chance , just fuck off, you are a bad memory i erased long ago, like some dumb school project that you did ages ago, exactly can’t remember, doesn’t matter fuck off. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, we went to that nice Italian restaurant  and the whole time you were complaining and bitching about stuff , you made an effort not to agree with anything , i don’t want here i don’t want there, stupidity and disrespected pilled up with shit. I finally decided to act, so when we went home i confronted you and asked whats up, you were afraid again to tell me, didn’t have the courage to step up and say the truth , so you gave me the bullshit idk if we should be together, this was the defining moment , I showed you the door and told you to fuck off, you started crying and this was my biggest failure and mistake, that i thought you were different, i felt really bad and sorry for you and said to myself this is my girl i should try to fix it, but no dumbass , it was already unfixable and way too broken for me to repair, the only way this shit was gonna go down my way was if i had dumped you as i first told you to pack you stuff and leave,but my feelings for you again got the better of me . You picked the perfect moment for that of course, i was sick and was feverish , I couldn’t think straight at all , if i was okay , things would have been different and i wouldn’t have been that broken, but yeah my mistake again for putting my faith in you. You lied to me that you love me and said we will work things out, a blatant lie , knowing that you were gonna pack your shit and vanish the day after that , as you do best. And the most disgusting thing was that you were still making plans with me to go to Greece and on a holiday, using for the last time, before we go our separate ways, maybe your guilt got in the way or me pushing you too hard, otherwise you would have stayed for longer with me and God forbid , if we stayed together until the winter, stop me from coming here or we could have pushed through and made it ,who knows, Praise the Emperor that things went the way the did, for me to see you as the person you really are, not that perfect image i had of you.

We finally arrive to that day 29 of August, from the morning i knew something wasn’t right I could sense you, even thought , the last night we slept together i just knew this was it, I could feel it , i asked to leave work earlier and headed home ,but it was already too late as i entered the door my heart fell andwhat happened after that I will cover in the last chapter of your story.

[thedappleddragon]

ugh im big stupid and haven't been posting my shit here for a while. I've still been typing it out in my notes, I just havent transferred them onto here lol. im putting it all under the cut, don't worry

Today was pretty dang nice! I spent a little time outside because it was nice and warm out, I drew a little in my sketchbook and digitally rendered a picture of Anna’s new princess outfit, ran an errand with my mom to pick up a graphing calculator and a pack of soda, ate some Wendy’s, and did a lot of sewing for my dress! I joined the bodice lining and exterior, and did a little over half of the sewing for the skirt. I’m doing French seams so there’s no raw edges on the inside, so I still have to iron it and go over the second round of stitches. My machine malfunctioned for a moment with the thread tangling up in the lower bobbin thingy, so I left it alone for like an hour and it fixed itself lol. I’m very happy with how the bodice came out after clipping all the extra fabric in the corners and test fitting it. I think it’ll be great when it’s done!! Although I may or may not need to seam rip a little bit of the skirt to extend the zipper down so I can get it over my fuckin DUMPTRUCK when putting it on. Right now there’s enough stretch to put it on, but Idk how well that’ll stay after attaching the 2 pieces. Also it might end up making me look fat/preggo in the end with how the skirt lays lmao. I also did a really quick test fit with the sleeves, and I might actually like it better sleeveless? I’ll put one on anyway and go from there to see which I like better. HOORAY this dress has pockets!! But I may have put them a little low lol. I wanted to do a big dress debut at prom, but turns out graduates aren’t allowed due to covid restrictions :( so that really sucks. But we’re still gonna hang out a little bit beforehand, and I can still do a debut. I made a little bow out of some scrap dress fabric, which I want to put in my hair for pre-prom. I think I’ll braid my hair, maybe get some fake flowers from dollar tree and ribbon to add somehow, and put the ribbon either at the bottom or the top, wherever the hair tie eventually goes. I’m so exited to work on it more. I’m kinda running out of white thread tho so I’ll have to get more. Later in the evening i got hungry and made ramen while my dad and I watched a documentary on some of the horrible shit that went on all around the world during 2020, some of which I had forgotten about, some that was really surreal and out of a dystopian movie, and some stuff that was just upsetting to watch. It was still pretty good tho. I got work tomorrow and I’m really sleepy even tho it’s only 12:30 so I think I’m gonna grab a snack and go to sleep soon. Gnight mwah

Yesterday I worked and sewed until I ran out of thread and drew a little bit. Spent most of my shift watering flowers, then I went home and ate for a moment, then watered more and picked dead flowers and talked about avatar and other animated shows with the highschool girl I work with. Came home and hung out for a while, that evening made some good pasta. 

Today I justly hung out, then went with mom to pick up a bookshelf and went through strawtown which I thought was a very funny name for a town. There was a cute antique shop in there tho. On the way back we stopped in a sewing shop called Always in stitches. I expected it to be a very small shop, but it was SO much bigger than I thought it would be. They had tons of fabric and quilting supplies, and lots of old ladies working and talking. I picked up a cone of white thread and a fabric sample pack. Then I sewed my dress a little bit. I still have lots to do, and only like 2.5 days to do it. I’ll get there tho. All I have to do is add the skirt hem, add the pockets back in (I took them out so I could see them in normally), add sleeves and hem them, and add the zipper. And attach the skirt to the bodice. I think I’ll be able to do it. I had yogurt for the first time in forever today. Tbh I used just enough to hold together the strawberry and granola bits kgelgskgs. It was pretty good tho. I drew ELEVEN pages in my sketchbook, about 8 of them being a comic about the pony au of our royalty au. I could have done the comic with human characters but ponies are so much easier to draw aggsssdh. I spent 40 minutes typing out the dialogue and editing it on top of the rest of the comic so my friend could read it, but she still hasn’t read my text :( oh well that’s fine lol. The original plot was supposed to be Sam talking to an accidental illusion of me being mean about her blight, but then I accidentally made it something different. I might just draw the alternate ending instead. Update I just did

Yesterday I sewed and went to Menards to buy tile for moms bathroom.

Today was VERY productive, I feel like. I woke up and immediately took a shower and did laundry. I spent some one just sitting on my bed scrolling and researching while listening to medieval remixes of songs lol. At some point I went out to buy subway for everyone and stopped at dollar tree for nail polish and satin ribbon. I made the ribbon into a little choker and wanted to use it for the hem of the skirt, but I was too short. In total I spent HOURS hemming and pinning and seam ripping and ironing and sewing today, but it’s still not done. I gotta kick my ass into high gear if it’s gone be done by Sunday afternoon. I started sewing the bottom hem, but my machine has been doing this weird thing where the fabric scrunches up right past the sewing foot and leaves wrinkles and gathers so loose I can move it around with my hands easily. I think it’s just my tension being too tight or something, I adjusted it a bit and I’ll test it in the morning. I’m too tired and it’s too late at night to be doing that much sewing. I seam ripped the entire back skirt seam so I could extend the zipper a little further down, and I’ll sew it back up once the hem is done. After that all I need to donis connect the skirt to the bocice, fix the zipper, and hem the arm holes. I don’t want to use the sleeves I made because the edges don’t line up at all and I don’t think I would be able to lift my arms, the way it’s built. The nail polish I picked up works way better than I thought it would, leaving a pretty good metallic sheen after just one coat. Way better than I thought for a dollar. I helped mom lay down tile a little bit, ripping up one old tile and helping a bit at a time throughout the day. I kept asking if she wanted help with the actual tiling part but she said no. We also couldn’t get the fuckin box cutter I bought to work. It’s supposed to be easy to replace the blade, but we couldn’t figure it out lol. I’m falling asleep fun. Washed my face twice, trying to take good care of myself before prom so I look good in photos. Gotta wash hair tomorrow. Made hamburger meat

Spent all day sewing and listening to bardcore remixes. Dress is as done as I bother to make it rn

Tbh I was hoping for a little more for today. I’ve spent the last like week or longer working towards this, and going especially in depth the past 3 days. I got all silky smooth, worked for hours on my dress, thought about pretty much nothing except prom day. I was late because my dad had my neighbor come over to take pictures of me in my dress. I thought it was just going to be her holding my dad’s phone to get a picture of us together, but she brought her whole ass professional camera and spent several minutes taking pictures. Then I took the weirdest way possible to get to my friend’s house on accident because google maps said it was the fastest way to get there. But HEY when I did get there I enjoyed hanging out with my friends. We ate some dinner AND??? Sammie I’m sorry if you’re reading this but THE MASHED POTATOES?? WERE S O BLAND????? AFAJSTSTHJST ily but girl. Just a little salt could have gone a long way <3 the steak and especially the green bean casserole were good tho :) dinner was good with the sparkling juice and little desert. Overall everything was just very loud, but that’s to be expected when this is everyone’s first time seeing each other in a goddamn while: actually I think they’ve all seen each other at school without me but hey whatever. I think I fucked up my phone screen on accident by sitting on it while it was in my pocket with my keys, leaving a spiderweb crack in it. I checked and yeah it’s not just the screen protector :( eh I don’t care that much, It didn’t fuck up the lcd screen or anything. We went up to Sam’s room and hung out and talked while she did Liz’s makeup and took pictures, and I borrowed a little of her concealer before photos. There was a little photo shoot in their front yard, and looking at the photos I look a little fat in them but I LOVE all the photos taken in Sam’s room where we were all just hanging out. Idk why but whenever you have to do photos and they say to do a silly one, it never turns out good, but the fun ones you casually take always turn out way better. They’re more genuine :) but then it was time for everyone to go to prom and for me to go home 😔 we only hung out for like an hour and a half. I didn’t want to take off my dress, seeing as I put in so much effort to sew the whole dress and shave and look pretty, so I wore it around the house for a bit until I got tired and went to lay in bed. I watched the mitchels vs the machines, which is a fuckin DELIGHTFUL movie!! Everybody go watch it it’s so cute <3 I also played some Pokémon and watched a little YouTube in bed, but feeling unfulfilled and wanting to do something different, I just didn’t know what. So instead I started typing this up as my sister brought me a cupcake from prom :) I had a bite and put the rest in the fridge, since it was so big and in a plastic container. I texted a friend over Snapchat asking if they had fun at prom, and they said it was kinda ass. I tried relating and saying yeah all school dances are a little ass, and my friend group once had anti prom and played dnd instead, but they just said ‘that’s nice’ back and idk if that means they’re annoyed at me or they’re just tired and didn’t wanna text or what but :( idk. Either way it’s fine, right now all I care about is going to bed. Gnight I guess. Also I keep thinking about that textpost that’s like “diary of icarly” and she talks in these simple-ass sentences and now I feel self conscious about how I write these snafnfs. I already know I write like a child in these, but that’s just because I don’t wanna go through the effort of making this sound nice and professional every day lmao. So child writing it is. Also painted my nails really horribly and it took forever to clean up which made me late

Woke up, went to work, spent a little time stocking, watered indoor plants, then attempting to work the register, and organized plants the rest of the time. I stood behind one of my coworkers as she checked people out, kind of understanding what she was doing but not that much, and read the manual in down periods. She had me check out a couple people, and it was NERVE WRACKING AS HELL. Thankfully everyone was very nice, and my coworker stood by and helped, and right as I was getting my foothold, my boss called for me to work outside and bring in the new shipment of plants. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY NICE?? I was actually able to help some people today!! :D I’m slowly getting better at my job which is nice :) originally I was only gonna work 4 hours, but there were more plants to get and I felt like I could keep going, so I ended up working 6 instead. Every time I come home from the end of my shift I feel bad for not working more and like I should have stayed longer. Tbh I think I could do it if I had a proper break! I’ve been doing 4 hour shifts with maybe a water break in the middle because i don’t know how to ask to go on break ;-; Ike my secondary boss in the garden center is super nice and approachable and friendly but the main boss is like. Terrifying. I never know when he’s joking or being serious and I don’t understand him and assffsfamms it SUCKS. But whatever, I went home and ate some Mac n cheese and laid in bed because my back hurt and played on my ds for the rest of the night. I tried a couple new games, none of which I spent very long on. I tried okami den where you’re the wolf puppy child of the precious games protagonist I think, and idk maybe I’ll give it a better try in the future, but I wasn’t feelin it. I spent like 30 minutes on a pro bass fishing simulator and couldn’t clear the first level because the fish wouldn’t get close enough to my boat lmao. Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games was fun until I lost at table tennis to Mario. I’d play it again. But I have work again tomorrow so I gotta go to bed good night. Having to blast my fan and play drawfee on my phone to drown out moms tv again >:(

Ate a pbj for breakfast? Went to work, moved plants around, took my lunch break, went to subway with an expired coupon, ate at home and times it perfectly so I could watch one section of the new drawfee episode, went back to work, made myself sad thinking about the god girl homunculus from fullmetal alchemist, picked dead flowers off the petunias, left a little early, hung out at home, left to go get mom’s medicine, found my dad at the store, followed him around and shopped for a bit, can home to unload everything, talked with him about buying one of the cars from him so it would be under mom’s insurance after the divorce, talked about being able to hang out at dads apparent after we help him move, ate some of the stuff we bought, and now I’m hanging out in bed again. I picked up my Pokémon black save and played a while today which was nice. I think I’m gonna work more in the next few days, be really busy with shit for like a week, and finally have a breather after the 15th. I really need to switch brain gears back into college stuff soon so I can sign up for orientation and figure out finances and shit, but for now it’s midnight and I don’t have to think about it lol

Today was pretty good, but also pretty boring. I played Pokémon all day since I didn’t have work, cooked some hamburger meat, and went on an errand for mom but got the wrong thing so I went out later to buy the right thing. I got spicy chicharrones instead of regular ones oops. On my drive back from getting the right thing, I rolled all my windows down and loved the feeling of driving around right after sunset when the weather was nice but cool, especially after standing in mom’s loud-ass room trying to ask about her bank card. I thought about going back out to aimlessly drive around the park and back, but instead hung out in my kitchen as my cat fell asleep on my lap. I think I’m gonna get paid tomorrow, so that’s exciting :D I probably made a solid couple hundred dollars if I had to guess. Idk what I’m getting paid per hour, but it’s probably ~$10 and I COULD go through my texts again to see how much I’ve worked, but I don’t really wanna lmao. I should just start putting that in my notes app instead...

Just had probably the most involved, longest dream ever?? It was a mix of infinity train and dangenrompa, we were mostly stuck inside my house, one boy left for years to search for supplies, I tried biking along a tail that disappeared into tree roots and a ditch with grass, cried because we had been in the same car for so long I was afraid they were gonna make us kill someone to get past, and at the end we escaped or something and had to fuck up security cameras and get past loopholes and lots of cereal boxes were involved? Idk there’s just so much I don’t remember. I wasn't sure if I had to go to work today, so I sent my boss a text and just kinda hung out. was making  hamburger meat for my mom when my boss called asking me to come in, so I took a shower and worked from 1-5. spent some time at the register, and got way better at checking stuff out :) I learned a couple things, and there was one old lady in particular who was very patient and nice to me while my coworker went to go find a smaller bag of birdseed. when it stopped being busy inside, I went ut to the garden center to help price plants and spent the rest of my shift out there. I got paid too! $9 an hour, 22 hours, $200 in total. hell yeah. not bad, although I literally have no frame of reference on if this Is good or not. after work I went home for a second, then got Hardee’s (or carls jr in the western states). I used a coupon for chicken tenders for me and my sister :) and while I was driving around today, I found myself wishing that everything in life could be as smooth and easy as driving my car through my neighborhood. and then I kinda laughed thinking about how I cried my first time driving on a major road asdjfasjdhf. but seriously I love driving my dad’s silver Volvo!! its so comfy with 4 wheel drive and good petal control, its like always driving on freshly paved roads <3 unfortunately that's the car my dad is taking when he moves into his apartment to use as his full time car instead of his shit-ass blue Volvo, and we’re gonna be stuck with the red Volvo with a really touchy gas pedal and slow break pedal. (idk if you've noticed but we really love old Volvos in this family. they’re all old and boxy as hell and I love em <3 ) then I played Pokemon black and beat the elite 4 and champion in one try with a lot of revives lmao. I was kinda underleveled, right at 48-50 range, same as them. I was angry about stuff and in pain earlier in the shower as I washed my hair, but I dont remember exactly what it was. now I have my soft Spotify playlist going so I can maybe go to sleep soon. oh wait I remember being angry that all I could thin about all day was work, even tho it only takes up a few hours of my day, and then I do nothing all day afterwards. idk it’s just weird.