#i am so afraid of getting hate please just block me if you disagree

[whitegownsandflowercrowns]

Ok. I have an opinion. It is a very unpopular opinion. I am afraid of getting hate for this opinion. If you disagree with this opinion, please just scroll by or block me.

Here goes.

I think that it is impossible to compare the House of the Dragon characters to the Fire and Blood characters, because we can never really know the Fire and Blood characters. Let me explain.

Thanks to the nature of the Dance, the telling of it in Fire and Blood relies on two sources: Mushroom and Septon Eustace. Both are heavily biased and oftentimes tell wildly different versions of the same event. We know the basics of what happened, but thanks to their narration there’s so much we’ll never know. While Show!Lucerys’ death was definitely an accident, we can never truly know if Book!Lucerys’ was as well. What exactly started the rift between Alicent and Rhaenyra? We’ll never know. This, of course, leads to wildly different interpretations among fans.

This is why I say that we can never know the true Fire and Blood characters, because the book itself won’t let us know if our interpretations are correct or not. Here’s an example: in the book, Alicent may or may not have said “mayhaps the whore will die in childbirth” about Rhaenyra. Now imagine you have Person A and Person B. Person A wholeheartedly believes that Alicent said that, while Person B believes that she never would. Because of these perspectives, Person A thinks that Alicent became cold to Rhaenyra once Aegon was born, and that she is to blame for that relationship falling apart. Person B, on the other hand, thinks that Daemon turned Rhaenyra against Alicent, or that Rhaenyra herself grew cold once Alicent kept having sons. Person A thinks that Alicent said “bastard blood shed at war” out of pure spite; Person B thinks she said it after being devastated by the loss of her children and granchildren. Needless to say, Person A and Person B have very different takes about who Book!Alicent is. So when they turn on House of the Dragon, Person A thinks that Alicent’s character has been completely bastardized, that the writers are terrible at their job because they took someone who was clearly a stone-cold villain and tried to make her sympathetic. Person B disagrees; they think Alicent was done well. Where Person B thinks the writers are terrible, however, is that they’ve made Rhaenyra, an entitled monster in the book, into a sympathetic character.

The question is, of course, who is right? Have the writers bastardized Alicent or Rhaenyra?

The answer is that there’s no answer. The question of who has been ruined depends entirely on what parts of Fire and Blood you take as canon and which parts you take as being made up. Who do you think is more reliable, Mushroom or Septon Eustace? In fact, is any of this true? Is anything that has been written down in The Princess and The Queen remotely close to how any of this happened, or is it just bullshit propaganda meant to convince the people of Westeros that the Targaryens are the Best and Most Powerful™️ people ever? There’s only one person who knows what really went down, and somehow I don’t think he’s itching to release Fire and Blood: How it really went down.

This is not me saying that the show writers are perfect or infallible or that I agree with every choice they’ve ever made: I’ve disagreed with and side-eyed a couple. But I do think they get way too much hate for trying to adapt a novel that seems pretty difficult to adapt to me. Because their job is to create an objective version of a deeply subjective story, they’re going to piss someone off no matter what they do. Alicent, Daemon, Rhaenyra and Aegon are always going to be seen as white-washed or villainized to some corner of the fandom, because no one agrees on who these characters actually are.

So anyways that was my rant, I hope you all enjoyed it.

[jellycreamjammedart]

I want you to know I never harassed anyone disagreeing isn’t harassment. You hurt me by believing I would actually do something like that to anyone. I may be harsh when I disagree but I wouldn’t tell someone to off themselves. i could have DMed you on discord but I am afraid you would block me and not listen so I am doing it here. You have to understand all that “nasty stuff” wasn’t me my ex friends were just mad I kept disagreeing with them I admit I was being mean when doing it so I am wrong for doing that. And did I rant to them to much? yeah I did they aren’t my therapist I shouldn’t have done that. As for the anon hate it was not me. When they told you this why didn’t you talk to me? I could have cleared some things up. Instead you believed them immediately and unfriended me and unfollowed me. It hurts me that you don’t like me anymore because of this drama with my ex friends. You believed their side before listening to mine. Please talk to me hear my side of the story. You don’t have to answer this here you can DM me. Because I am ready to talk about this. I want to move past this once and for all. So when you’re ready to talk I will listen.

~someone you know

Bruh no one told me shit. I saw it happen real-time between tumblr and discord. You ranting about someone's fictional au in the server and around the same time they get mean anons bashing them over the exact same thing while just about everyone else is chill or neutral, with about the same 'speech' mannerisms as your rants (not to mention you admitted to me in the face in dms to have sent at least one/some of those anons- fyi ive been very uncomfortable about you ever since)? What else do you expect me to think??

Yeah I know you. I know very well who it is. Which begs the question on why even come to me on anon. Probably worried about me answering this publicly if you had sent it off anon huh.

Bruh you always rant about running into issues with people everywhere you go. It can't logically be possible that every single time it's always only the other people being the problem.

[neon-junkie]

Hey everyone,

This will be my final post addressing the fandom conflict that has quite frankly gotten out of hand. Although it’s very likely this post will be picked apart, no matter how well intended it is, I will no longer be addressing, interacting, or responding to any further accusations made against me. Of course, if people have questions from a genuine place of interest, I will be happy to clarify anything for you, either via DM’s or non-anon asks. I will not be answering anonymous asks on this, as I do not want anything else posted on this topic. 

As a side note: For anyone tempted to wade into the debate, I sincerely ask you not to get involved. Do not make yourself a target, do not feel you need to ‘pick a side’, and please do not think you have an obligation to reason with either side. It seems to be well past the point of that, so please find people you get along with in this fandom and curate a space for yourself away from all this conflict.

Warning: This post will contain uncensored slurs, mentions of racism, paedophilia, transphobia, LGBTQ+ phobia, death threats, threats of violence, targeted harassment, and abusive language.

To start off, I want to apologise to everyone who has somehow gotten drawn into this mess by either defending me, following me, or interacting with my content. This whole situation with me began well over a year ago when I wrote a crack-smut fic featuring Javier/Micah, posted back in August 2019. A crack fic is defined as “a work of fan fiction that is absurd, surprising or ridiculous, often intentionally.” It was inspired by a camp interaction between Micah and Javier, and like many other fanfiction writers, I decided to write smut about it. The fic was titled ‘Dirty Fucking Greaser’, and if that shocks you, I’m sure you can imagine how shocked I was to be informed afterwards that ‘Greaser’ was in fact a very serious 19th century slur for a Mexican individual. My first encounter with this word as insult was via RDR2, where it was used like a very casual insult. My only prior knowledge of this term was in regards to the greasers youth subculture, so the severity was lost on me. This obviously does not excuse my ignorance, and I should have researched the term better, but this is just again to apologize for that oversight, the insensitivity, and to highlight that my use of this term was not meant maliciously. Following this being pointed out, I proceeded to make 3 separate apology posts [Unfortunately I can only find the third one: HERE], renamed the fic, and added slur warnings in both the tags and the fic description. When I continued to receive complaints and increasingly aggressive abuse (which included being told my apologies weren’t good enough and I should delete my account and even kill myself), I attempted to delete the fic and mistakenly abandoned it instead. I contacted AO3 to see if it could be removed, but they said there was nothing they could do. I contacted their DMCA takedown team, who also said they couldn't remove it. Please note that all this happened 7-8 months ago, and has been dragged on for almost a year. 

So, from this one unfortunate incident, I’ve been branded a racist, and someone who attacks POC, when all I have done is tried to defend myself and correct my past mistakes. I could have done this more gracefully in the past, but frankly when you’re suddenly the target of unrelenting callout posts and nasty anons, it’s very hard to be open to criticism of this sort, but this is what I’m trying to move past.

Over the course of the year, this one mistake has spiralled, and the crusade against me has somehow coincided with moral conflicts over certain characters and ships. This has devolved into dehumanizing abuse, witch hunts, death threats, doxxing, anon hate, and much more unpleasant behaviour.

I have been in fandom for a very long time, and at the heart of all fandom circles is the fear of censorship and subsequent purges, so the ‘ship and let ship’ mentality was more or less the pinnacle of fandom philosophy. And yes, this can be problematic in some contexts. People have their right to be uncomfortable with content, have a right to be offended by content, but that is not content meant for you. This argument has devolved into ‘what material is morally right to engage with’ and that is a mentality in which fandom will not survive, because for every person who is telling me I’m an awful person for writing about Micah, there are three other people telling me how much they appreciate me making that content. For every fic in which I characterize Javier and Flaco a certain way, some people are made uncomfortable by it and others tell me they enjoy it. And this isn’t just white people, but POC too, which makes it very difficult to know whether I am genuinely in the right or the wrong, especially when it comes to the concept of ‘fetishization’ which I have been made aware I need to educate myself on. I intend to do so, but I disagree with the common accusation that finding non-white men romantically and sexually attractive is inherently fetishistic and makes me racist. It’s pushing a catch-22; don’t find POC sexually attractive? Racist. Find POC sexually attractive? Racist.

I am always willing to be (politely) approached about anything my readers may be concerned about, but if it’s something I’ve specifically tagged for (such as themes, scenarios, etc.) I’m afraid you consented to reading it and with that I cannot help you. You are just as responsible for curating your space and what you see/read just as much as I am responsible for tagging it appropriately.  

On the topic of racism, I want to bring up my prior use of ‘white racism’ which has obviously been a point of contention among both white and people of colour. The (literal) black vs white concept of racism is incredibly American-centric, and as someone from Europe, which has a history of oppression against white cultures and those of people of colour, it feels inaccurate. However, this has recently been discussed with me and I came to the realization that while growing up, especially in the UK, ‘xenophobia’ and ‘racism’ were marketed as one and the same. So, with this little revelation in mind, I will no longer be using ‘white racism’ (Or ‘reverse racism’) to identify the abuse I have been receiving, but will instead call it by what it really is; dehumanizing, debasing, xenophobic, puritanical.   

Very briefly, I will also touch on the NewAustin situation, which has also been dredged into this. I did not ‘chase a POC from tumblr’. NA was a minor who for some reason was on my 18+ blog and took issue with me, likely from the ongoing discourse regarding my fic and initial mistake, as well as my interest in Micah. They were subsequently harassed into deleting their account by anonymous hate following various conflicts with other users for their support of me or their ships in general. I have never encouraged my followers to target anyone, and have always asked to be blocked and blacklisted by those who do not like me or my content. When NewAustin messaged me following the deletion of their blog, I was admittedly indifferent to the point of being unkind, and accused them of sending the hate themselves. This was based on the anon hate being racially-driven without there being any prior knowledge or publication that NA was a person of colour. This aside, I should have at the time, whether I believed it was my followers or not, condemned this behaviour. Regardless of the issues I’ve had with these people, it is never ever ok to send hate to anyone, no matter the motivation behind it, and that should have been stated at the time.

All I can do at this point is acknowledged and apologize for my past mistakes, and try to improve myself going forward.  

It is not my place to dictate the morals of the character/ship-aspect of this argument, and I am not interested in waging a war of opinion. This post is simply to clarify how I am involved in this, and why I am so viscerally targeted. You can draw your own conclusions, but I am no longer interested in this endless back and forth.

To my mutuals/followers, I stand by my request to not interact and to block and move on, as this is what I’ll be doing too.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope it makes things from my perspective a little clearer.

-RAT <3

EDIT: Just after this post was made, the fic in question was finally removed. I had to go through a DMCA take down, which can take months, since I originally abandoned the fic, thinking that meant delete. I explain this in more detail above. Said fic is gone, and has been gone since this post has been around.

[cosmiclatte28]

Amnesia (Jaehyun x reader)

tw : amnesia, crazy parents, drunk driver accident, failed attempt to write an angst

a/n : hello, so I read this work I left since December 2020 but yeah I read this and turns out I want to know if this is interesting enough to have another chapter to finish the story or not. If not then it's okay I'll just leave it here, but if you're curious I can try work it out.

tagging @charmingyong @neopalette .. @yutahoes and @swagmonsterofficial who can probably help me with the writer's block . you too readers. help me finish this story :))) thxxx

The thing you fear the most in this life is the day where you lost your memories. Memories of everything important in your life. You've been so afraid of not remembering things, mostly because the doctrine of your parents planted inside your brain.

"Look at your brother, Doyoung, he aces all of his tests, have time to do sports, sings well, proper manners, and always practicing doing his best. You too should think of being like him."

For sixteen years you're always compared to him. For sixteen years you worked your brain off to memorize extended classes you were forced to take. For sixteen years you faked your identity in order to look smart. For sixteen years you pray with all your might nothing bad will happen to you that involves a reset button to your brain.

That day happened, on your last year of high school where you've prepared yourself for the national entrance test. You've forced your brain to memorize everything, maximizes all you know since young age, and even pushed your other desires aside (not that it is new, you never put your desire first)

You start preparing it one year prior

"Don't go too hard (y/n)... I know you can do this," your boyfriend (secret boyfriend) calls you when he checks on you.

"Oh Jaehyun-ah, as much as I want to slack off there is no way I'll live in peace if I score lower than Doyoung's." You reply him as you flip through some sets of questions.

Jaehyun sighs from the other end of the call "And your brother scored perfect?"

You hum "Actually yes he did."

"Did your parents really love you? Why are they torturing you this way... I remember playing when I was younger and yet I made it to this stage." The young future psychologist boasted.

Jaehyun is actually the same age as your brother, he is Doyoung's friend and he knew you from visiting Doyoung back then in high school. He secretly learns about your name and even your number, since then he's been calling you and giving you all the love, you could never get from your family.

"I study psychology and what they're doing is not good." Jaehyun lays down on his bed. As much as he questions himself why he wanted to date you he can't answer it.

His friends had been telling him to break up with you because you're just going to make his life hard since your parents went too hard on you. But his heart screams that he needs to help this little girl he secretly feels bad. Jaehyun saw you sitting on your room sticking your nose to a book he thought was a middle school's book... when you were just graduating elementary. He was pretty sure you're not happy and even Doyoung secretly spills the hidden feeling that he doesn't like seeing his sister treated that way.

He remembers the conversation he had with his bestfriend on that summer vacation

"Make it stop then Doyoung..." jaehyun said as he played with a soccer ball inside the big room.

Doyoung sighed "I tried Jae, but mom and dad didn't seem to listen. They just told me they wanted the best for (y/n) and that by pushing her she'll find her way to be successful."

Jaehyun snorted "Gosh I'm glad my parents are not like yours."

Doyoung massaged his nose bridge "I even tried messing up my scores, but I earned myself detention and she was told to never be like me. Look I tried rebelling, but they're not fazed."

Jaehyun rolled his eyes "Want to escape to my house? Take (y/n) too maybe..."

Doyoung buried his face on his hands "Oh I wish Jae! I am also hating this, but I'll be dead and if this involves (y/n) I'm double dead because," Doyoung fixed his posture and mimicked his parents "Doyoung you're the brother here, a gentleman will always protect a lady and (y/n) is your sister and she's a girl."

"Damn it. Jae, I need that scholarship!" Doyoung groaned.

Jaehyun nodded "The one offering a seat in USA? Go for it. I didn't see why you hesitated... with that brain you didn't need to study and still get perfect."

Doyoung went silent for a minute "But won't I just make her life harder? Who will help her if I am not here?"

Jaehyun snickered "As if you have been helping her at all... take that chance. I'll look after (y/n) she's already like my little sister."

Doyoung couldn't thank Jaehyun enough when he hugged his friend before leaving to the states.

Doyoung hugged you too and secretly whispered "Jae is my substitute, please please promise me you will be honest with him and tell him whatever you're feeling. I'll see you in the states! Girl this is your chance to leave the dark alley." Doyoung wiped your tear that left your eyes. Well Your brother has been secretly sneaking from his room to teach you things you still cannot understand when you're younger. He kept on apologizing for the situation you both live in... but you can't totally blame him too. In this life if someone asked you who were the most important person, you'll say it's Doyoung then Jaehyun.

In the meantime

"Look Jae, I need that scholarship... Doyoung is waiting for me. He's been telling me life is not that gloomy." You sound so hopeful and Jaehyun doesn't want to spoil your small happiness.

He sighs "Fine, you've learned enough! Please a good rest is also important."

"Yeah yeah say that to my parents and see if you got slapped." You giggled and Jaehyun noted that. Well he had been noting your behaviour too and planned to make you his first journal subject.

"Look I love you okay, don't tire yourself too much. Drink water, stay healthy and sleep." He bids you goodbye and little did you know that was probably the last night you could sit in your room and absorbed new materials inside your brain.

For the next day when you got home from school, you never made it back home. You did not remember anything, only a loud horn and your body hitting the asphalt. Your ear rang and your eyes went dark.

Your parents were crying when they heard the news of you getting hit by a car and it was a drunk driving accident. Jaehyun left his class when Doyoung texted him about you. Well Doyoung was called in the middle of the night and he was more than broken hearted to hear this.

Jaehyun was shocked when he heard the news, but he was more shocked when he sees your parents are there weeping like how parents love their children so much and super afraid of losing them.

He wonders why they would treat you so strict if they love you this much. Well some people say that is their way of showing love, but for rational people Jaehyun disagree how hard your parents were on you and your brother.

Your mother recognized Jaehyun and explained everything that happened.

Jaehyun's heart broke when the paramedics informed them on the next day that you got the amnesia.

Your parents cried maybe because it is the natural way to act, but Jaehyun's world collapsed when he remembered you telling him the worst thing you fear is waking up with a blank brain.

It took you some days to wake up from your coma, considering that you also had some broken bones and some operations are done on your body, Jaehyun's glad you woke up four days after the accident.

He saw it the first time you open your eyes and you squinted all around he saw the slight tremble you had in your eyes.

Though he's not sure if you have amnesia you could remember fearing this to happen, but he believed your heart remembered this fear and showed how scared you are.

The doctor ran the first test and you happened to know basic things like your name and at least your parents. You know their faces but not their names and Jaehyun, it took you some time but the glint of hope in your eyes was enough to let Jaehyun feels not left out.

"Jae" you whisper, and the doctors were delighted when you could mention his name.

Your parents were crying, feeling super sad that their daughter had to go through this but once you got a time alone with Jaehyun you couldn't cry nor can you laugh.

"Jae," that is all you can think of.

You move your hands and find them fascinating. Jaehyun wanted to cry, it's as if you're a baby discovering new things you can do again. This is the same girl who understand chemistry even when she's just eleven! The girl who speaks five languages fluently, the same girl who can play the hardest piano piece, the same girl who was forced to be perfect and she did it she was perfect but she lost everything she worked super hard for.... within one blink of an eye. For the first time after several years, Jaehyun cried his heart out in silence alone in his bedroom.

For two months you were on a therapy session to regain your memories and some of them are coming back. Jaehyun took a break on his school, saying he is doing a research (well he didn't lie) but mostly because he needs to and wants to take care of you. He didn't want your parents to ruin this golden chance of him fixing you (he wishes)

"Name?" Jaehyun asks every time he visited you. You could answer that easily "(y/n)"

"Siblings?" You could also answer that "Doyoung."

It took you sessions to find a trigger word that could bring more memories back.

"Books?" The doctor once asked and you blanked out. Your body shakes and the traumatic experience of being forced to read from a young age came into you.

"Books?" The therapist asks again when you kept quiet. Jaehyun sits next to you, holding your hand and he frowns when your grip tightens.

"Hell." Was all you say before clenching your fist and holding your head from throbbing so much.

You woke up on your private room already Jaehyun happens to be writing down the notes from today's session.

"I saw some memories Jae. What month is this?" You asked out of the blue

"No don't ask me questions. Rest (y/n)" Jaehyun tried to divert your attention.

"Month Jae!" You scream and right on time a nurse came in she heard your question and easily answered “November?"

You count and stared in horror "The test... 8 months left Jae! How can I memorize what I've learnt since baby to now?!"

The nurse was surprised maybe by your burst of words or just surprised by your sentence and Jaehyun shot her a dead glare.

She quickly changed your IV and left after seeing your panic stage.

You were shaking, nerves suddenly transmitting traumatic memories and you cried when you tried to remember everything you've worked super hard on... gone with one accident.

"(Y/n) calm down. Forget that! forget that test! You need to heal yourself first." Jaehyun holds you back from your panic attack.

Your parents saw you frantically shake on your bed with Jaehyun trying his best to calm you down. They ran to your side and when they heard what you said, their heart broke and for the first time your parents realized they've been doing the wrong thing to you.

"Mother is sorry, please (y/n).. honey" she cried... if your mind is right, you'll choke up for she never calls you sweet names, but you have no recollection of that, "honey please forget that test. Forgive me and dad for being too hard on you. Please my one and only precious daughter... just heal yourself first. You don't have to take the test now. Calm down."

Actually, Jaehyun finally talked to your parents, he talked politely about the way your parents raised both you and Doyoung in a wrong way. No, he didn't blame your parents for wanting the best, he just told them they shouldn't be comparing child and shouldn't put too much force on something one doesn't like. He explained the effect you had growing up like that and your mom was crying when she heard Jaehyun's easy explanation.

"We're sorry... now how do we fix this?" Your mother asked to the young man across him.

"If you let me, this is a new blank page. Like a reset button, though (y/n) might get fragments of the dark memories, but we can at least rewrite the pages and put in more love and joy into her life."

Your parents both agreed and let Jaehyun does his best to fix their mistakes.

So here you are, sitting on your bed for the third month already, mind still somehow fuzzy and you always stare at your room with blank face. You noticed the plain walls and when you arrived at your home, the grand piano greeted you, but you were confused of the big thing.

"Hey (y/n)," Jaehyun greets you when he comes into your room, "Hungry?" He asks first thing first after you wake up.

You nod your head and notice the lack of food on his hand.

"No breakfast?" Your face shows confusion.

Yes you were eating breakfast on bed for one month, mostly because your doctor also told you to not use your legs too much, but Jae saw it is quite the time you learn to walk and eat properly.

"There is, but not here. Come, we will eat properly." Jaehyun helps you stand, and he walks you to the dining table.

There you sit down, eyes empty as you scan the room, still unable to remember where and what is this place.

Your maid comes with a plate of your favorite breakfast. You look at Jaehyun with expecting eyes, he usually sits on the side of your table and feeds you. All you have to do is wait for the food to come into your mouth!

"Jae?" You question him when he picks up his own knife and fork then he digs into his own plate.

You watch him and he speaks up "Copy me."

You pick up the fork and knife, take the detail and switch the position when Jaehyun shows the right way.

He sees you struggle with your knife still and chooses to cut it for you. He returns the plate with small chunks of eggs and sausages then pushes it back to you.

"Now, eat." He continues doing his activity and with trembling hand (because everything is like you learning from basic) and slow but steady you can eat by yourself.

Jaehyun smiles with adoration, he couldn't deny you're actually smart like gifted smart... he thought there was no way someone could live like you and Doyoung if they do not have a bright basic.

"Delicious?" Jaehyun asks after you finish your plate.

You nod "Thank you" and both your eyes and his open wide.

"Did I just say thank you?" You also sound surprised.

Jaehyun nods "I mean i haven't remind you about table manners, but as expected that big brain is not completely blank, I guess."

The day continues with Jaehyun teaching you some more basic knowledge, you sit down on the sofa and your eyes bore into the big grand piano. Jaehyun noticed ever since you came home you seemed super curious about it. He is not the best pianist, but he can play some songs.

"Come, I think you're interested in this." Jaehyun sits you on a chair beside the piano and he takes his seat.

"Okay I am not as good as you, but let's try this. maybe music can bring back my (y/n)." Jaehyun plays some keys to warm up his fingers and he didn't see the sudden surprise you have in your eyes.

Jaehyun plays a simple piece of your favorite sad song, Clair de Lune. He said he wasn't a great player, but here he is confidently playing one song from the master part.

You clap your hands astonished when he finishes half of the song and surprise him with what you say next.

"That is beautiful. Why did you stop?"

Jaehyun wants to scream, music brings you back? Did your brain forget everything else that is painful to you, but not music because it's the only thing you do with love?

"Want to try?" Jaehyun stands up and helps you get comfortable.

Your eyebrow knits together when you first eye the black and white keys and then after placing two hands over them and closing your eyes, as if it's muscle memories your finger expertly play the same piece Jaehyun showed you, but this time you finished the whole song.

Jaehyun has this recorded and if he knew this earlier, he would've made you sit here and play more music. He notes how your eyes glimmer when your fingers still remember the song and for once Jaehyun saw a willing to live in your eyes.

to be continued... (or not if this is not interesting to read :D)

tell me should I continue or not? and make this happy end or sad end?

[imagine-your-love-story]

Thank you for encouraging a safe space on Tumblr. It might seem like basic courtesy to leave people be, leave them their comfort and creative freedom, but apparently it's not. As someone who has very questionable self ship poly dynamics, it's.. nice not being scared of seeing "Don't interact if this- dont interact if that" and then in danger of harrassment.

Please keep spreading these vibes of comfort and love - you're a great person whom we need a lot more of in the world wide web

You're very welcome, lovely! :) :) :)

Hoo boy. I have...soooo many thoughts on like....ALL of this. And this post is gonna get LONG because I've opened the can of worms and I'm lettin' it all out :P

The amount of bullying and negativity I've seen in the selfshipping community lately is very painful and disappointing to watch. Tumblr and fandom has always been somewhat of a cesspool but I had hoped that selfshipping was a little better.

I'm not seeing a positive community on a large scale right now.

There are some people who are shining little stars out there of course! But there's more hate being spread around than I can stomach.

I've spent Y E A R S researching and unlearning and pushing back against the psychological and emotional effects of manipulative behaviors like: blame, guilt, shame, and harassment.

I absolutely 100000% believe you can speak to people civilly and state your reasons why you think their behavior is damaging. Without telling them, "You are wrong. You are a bad person." Or otherwise making them feel shitty about themselves.

And I also believe that you CAN allow that person to say, "I don't agree with what you're saying" and you can still have normal interactions with that person without immediately shunning them and labeling them as a terrible person.

People BLOSSOM when they are showered in love, acceptance, and understanding. People are MUCH more willing to listen and heed what you have to say when you give them SPACE to see your point of view (or disagree with you and still accept them).

This culture on social media where people jump STRAIGHT to, "You're a HORRIBLE person because you do something I disagree with!" is, frankly, horrifying and a little disgusting.

Does this mean I condone negative and damaging behaviors?

No. Absolutely not.

But there seems to be this loss of perspective on what is considered "negative and damaging behaviors".

1. It's fiction. Fiction has NEVER been "clean". It's a place of freedom to discuss EVERYTHING.

2. You don't have to feel comfortable with everything being discussed in fiction. I'm not. If I don't like a self-shipper's content because it hits some trigger buttons for me...I don't follow their blog. Because that's my boundary and I have every right to it.

Do I send them messages saying, "You're a toxic person!"

Nope.

Do I comment on their ship that they love and say, "This makes me uncomfortable!"

Nope.

It's not my business.

Also: it’s fiction and there are MUCH bigger problems that require my energy than whether or not I should correct someone’s fictional ship.

Go save the ocean.

Go save the rainforest.

Go save the planet you live and breath on.

Fiction should not be making you angry enough to send hate mail to someone else. Full stop. That should never ever be a priority.

3. Some people engage in selfshipping "negative behaviors" as a way to cope with their trauma. We have no idea what a person has been through and we have no right to tell them that they should stop what they're doing when we do not know where they are on their journey of healing.

It hurts my heart so, so much when I receive messages from selfshippers like you, dear anon, who are TERRIFIED to share their love stories with their characters because they're afraid of being labeled/attacked/harassed by the community.

That's the community letting you down. That should NOT be happening and I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, lovely.

The ENTIRE point of selfshipping was to ESCAPE the people who criticized for shipping yourself with a character that you love. The foundation of selfshipping is that ANYTHING is possible!!! You are limitless!!!

And now people are policing what you can do??? That's...that completely obliterates the point of selfshipping. That's WHY we escaped to our own community!

I don't know if this video is available outside of the U.S., but I highly recommend, the Crappy Childhood Fairy's Youtube video on Cancel Culture. It's a great listen when you're navigating the emotional turmoil of social media culture.

So, if you're still reading after ALL OF THAT :P here are some key points about this blog and my philosophy when it comes to selfshipping:

This blog will always be a judgment free zone

Of course I have opinions! Of course we may disagree on something! But I won't judge you for it. You're allowed to do your own thang! ;)

I will never have a DNI.

If I feel an interaction is crossing into territory that isn't appropriate or acceptable, I'll say so. And if that doesn't work, I'll block and report. But I will never have a DNI on this blog.

Yes, I am an adult. So if minors don't feel comfortable following my blog, it's okay if they don't! I understand!

But I don't have a problem talking with minors because they are human beings and they may need support. I worked in Youth Services at a library for over two years. I know sometimes kids just want someone to talk about cool books and movies with and I'm 100% down for that 24/7 :)

Because this blog is all-ages friendly, I will never post 18+ content because - just like IRL - I make sure that I am mindful of the people around me. I may post some suggestive content that is tagged, but I try not to get too explicit.

I also don’t really think a DNI is necessary for me personally. Of course if I feel threatened by someone, I won’t interact with that person. But if a shipper is into content that I don’t like???? I don’t feel the need to say, “I will never interact with you!” That’s....exhausting. Besides, there are plenty of other things we can chat about! :)

I will always share f/os.

I know some people don't like to share and that's their boundary they can draw if they want to (no shade here!), but I've found that if I don't share, it's a very lonely experience. So I always share and I’m happy to interact if we have the same f/o :)

DMs are always open if you need a shoulder to lean on

If you need to dump or vent or whatever, my DMs will always be open so you can chat! It can feel weird, and maybe you'll feel bad because you won't know what to say!!!

That's okay :)

Even if all you want to do is vent and never reply, I'm happy to listen and offer any words of encouragement and support you need to hear! :)

[wordynerdygurl]

A Wonderful Christmastime

Author’s Note:  Well Hello All!  I hope that you’re all taking care of yourselves and staying well!  My tag-list is open and you know I love the validation of reblogs, shares, tags and adds!! I have been working on a larger OC story which has kept my from my Loki writings, but I entered a challenge posted by @toomanystoriessolittletime​ for the Christmas holiday.  If you aren’t following, please do as she’s got a great little Advent Calendar of seasonal stories for you!  One a day through the month of December!  

I chose a prompt based off of my least favorite Christmas song.  Ever.  Like in the history of humanity.  Like, my family torture me with it because of how much I dislike it.  This story is a chance to take a little lighthearted revenge on Sir Paul McCartney and also, hopefully, help you all enjoy a Wonderful Christmastime!   Also, isn’t this gif the cutest thing in the world?  My thanks to the OP and creator for it... it’s amazing and I love Christmas Loki!! Pairing:  Female Reader x Loki

Summary:  Everyone has a favorite holiday song... when Loki learns which one you dislike, he uses it to his advantage. Warnings:  Christmas holiday mentions, SMUT, Oral (F receiving) and MF Sex, also, the over use of a certain song that makes me, personally, crazy!

This was it.  That perfect moment when all of the holiday hustle was behind you.  Nothing to buy, nothing to ship, nothing to wrap, nothing to bake.  It was all over.  You had made it through another Christmas Eve.

Your well decorated tree sat in the corner, presents tucked below for you and Loki in the morning.  The frittata was resting in the fridge along with the two bottles of Prosecco you planned to have with brunch.  Hell, it was the holidays, after all.

But that was for tomorrow.

Tonight you were relaxing after an afternoon of family Christmas fun.  Nieces and nephews, piles of shredded paper, stacks of snacks and so much laughter your belly muscles were sore.  And through it all Loki had been a champ! Holding your hand, rubbing the small of your back, pulling out your chair; Loki had put the other partners to shame.  Whether he was telling bawdy but tasteful jokes to the men who drank cheap beer around the TV, sharing hair care tips with your sister’s oldest girl or whispering with your mom in the kitchen, he was always where he needed to be.  For the first time in ages, you had been able to enjoy the day fully, and you knew Loki was the reason why. After getting home, trading your dress and boots for comfy shorts and a sweatshirt, you padded into the living room.  Loki was there, sitting cross legged, digging through your bag of swag.  He had put seasonal music on in the background while munching through a plate of Auntie’s sugar cookies, two well poured goblets of red wine waiting to be had at his side.  God, he was good. “Is one of those for me?”  You couldn’t help smiling.  Loki, looking like a little kid, over excited and surrounded by all the trapping of Christmas just felt so precious. It took him a moment to reply as he was solely focused on the handmade puzzle box your mother had crafted for all the guys this year, “Hmm?  Yes… one’s for you…” Kissing the top of his head, careful not to dislodge his Rudolf blinking antler headband, a gift to Loki from your youngest nephew, you moved towards the couch.  Sipping from your glass of wine, snuggled under the softest chenille blanket your sister-in-law could find, you sighed contentedly.  Victory over the holiday season felt amazing.  Now all that was left on your to-do list was eating, drinking, and enjoying alone time with Loki until New Year’s.  Suddenly exhausted, you felt the lovely warm drag of drowsiness and snuggled deeper into the sofa.  Shuttering your tired eyes, you listened as Loki stood up, off to hunt up some more food, no doubt.  Visions of sugarplums danced in your head as you started to succumb to a sweet slumber. That’s when you heard it.  

“The moon is right, The spirit’s up, We’re here tonight and that’s enough…” Groaning, wide awake now, you sat up with a shout, “Loki?!”  Like magic his raven head popped around the doorframe, his reindeer antlers askew, a candy cane hanging out of his mouth, “Yes?”

“Um… question:  What are we listening to?” Stepping back into the living room, his new holiday flannel shirt open at the neck, Loki leaned over you, husking playfully,  “Music.  At least, that’s what I believe you Midgardians call it.” “Ha ha.  Yes, I know it’s music, but this particular song?”  You couldn’t keep the tartness from your tone as you pressed your nose into the handsome one on Loki’s face. Pausing, listening intently, Loki cocked his head to the side.  Singing along, his bells jingling, “Simply having a Wonderful Christmastime!” “Ugh.  That’s what I was afraid of!”  Flinging a hand over your eyes, you grumbled, burrowing back into the cozy couch as a means of blocking out the obnoxious noise of the worst holiday song in the history of humanity. Making himself comfortable at your feet, pouring himself another glass of vino, “I like it.  It’s simple.  Direct.  What are you doing?  Me?  I’m simply having a wonderful Christmastime!” From deep in the cushions, muffled but forceful, you pleaded, “Make it stop!  Please!” “What for?  It is still Christmastime, is it not?  And we are enjoying a wonderful time, aren’t we?” Turning back to face him, a Scrooge-like scowl on your suddenly serious face, “I’ll do anything to get you to turn that off.” That got his attention, “Anything?”  Sitting up quickly, you reached for your blanket only to feel Loki snatching it out of your grasp, “You said anything, darling.” Tugging on the plush fabric, practically pouting, “You’re not going to take my new fluffy blankie, are you?” “Oh no.  That’s not nearly enough to stop me from playing my favorite Christmas carol.”

“It’s your favorite, now?  Loki, you just heard it.” Waving your gripes away, pinning you under his arms and under your blanket, “I love it.  It’s my favorite.  You can’t mess with perfection.”

You wiggled, trying to free an arm or a hand, anything to help defend yourself from Loki’s soft, but effective attack, "Perfection?  Loki, it's awful."

"I disagree.  But…”  Brushing a gentle kiss to your captive lips, making you melt into his warm touch, Loki made sure to keep you immobile.  Unraveling under his ardent attention, you gave up fighting, focusing on Loki’s roving hands through the protective layer of your new throw.  

Lost in his lips, you ignored the wretched recording still spinning, until sitting back with a sly smile Loki continued, “Regardless of my newly acquired antlers, I am a reasonable man.  I'm willing to hear your side of things.  Convince me, dove."

Looking up at him through your lashes, licking over your bottom lip that tasted of Loki's peppermint, it took you a moment to refocus on your argument.  Sighing doggedly, “It’s just garbage.  Too sweet, too synth-pop.  It’s plastic.  There’s no substance to it.”

At least Loki did you the service of considering your answer.  He paused, listening to the offending tune, starting to hum along once more.  “I don’t know.  It sounds like church bells ringing.  And I like when the kids start singing!”

“You couldn't.  Those are two of the worst things about it!  There’s not a single redeemable factor in it’s trite,  super saccharine, four minute run time.”  Agitated now and edging into anger, your voice kept rising, spurned on by the inability to get away from Loki’s plush prison, “Also, get off me!” “Can’t do it.  But-” nuzzling into your neck, tasting along the tendon there, “-I can replay this song.”  “That’s it!”  Fury tinted your words as you tried harder than ever to break free of your fleece prison but Loki was brick heavy, unmovable, and impossibly giddy at your predicament.  All things which only added fuel to your fire.  Wriggling like mad, struggling to kick a foot free, you squirmed desperately for leverage.  His response?  A deep chuckle, “Is that all you’ve got, darling?”  Laying those long, lanky bones on top of you, holding down the throw’s corners in a way that made fighting futile, Loki smirked at your distress, “I still don’t see why you hate it so much.  It is a simple song because we’re simply having a wonderful Christmastime!  It’s in the title after all.” With cheeks hot from exertion, fully frustrated and forced to listen to Paul McCartney’s bland holiday ballad start a second time, you nearly shrieked, "I hate it, Loki!  Loathe it, really!  The lyrics are basic, the keyboard is tinny, and Sir Paul is better than that!” “Is that all?” “No!  It's even worse when someone else sings it, like those kids from Glee or an up and coming Country artist making their first holiday record!"

Beneath the blanket your chest rose and fell with bothered breaths.  From rubbing against the couch your hair stuck up in odd angles and you could feel heat rising off your neck.  How had you gone from almost asleep to a blanket related battle royale?  Loki, taking advantage of your confinement, kissed your forehead sweetly, and the change in tactic caught you off guard.  His lips grazed the tip of your nose as you huffed out a pout, eager to see where his mischief making would lead.  Pressing his forehead to yours, that deep sonorous voice whispering lowly for your ears alone, "Not a compelling enough argument for me to turn it off, I'm afraid." And to your holiday horror the song in question started again.  Grousing, "Don’t play it again!  Please!  I’m begging you!” “Already begging darling?”  Thick with mocking, Loki slotted himself between your thighs, keeping you from fighting back with any power. Whining full out now, poking out your bottom lip, “Come on!  Please, let me up and turn this off!” “Why, of course, my pearl.”  With no effort on his part, Loki scooped you up, blankie and all, pulling you tightly to his chest.  Gripping your bottom, his fingers firm through the cotton of your pj pants, he squeezed hard enough for you to yelp. “Hey!”  But that’s all you managed before his talented tongue invaded your mouth.  Now the only thing you could hear was the shaky exhale of your shared sighs and your own needy mewls when Loki started to withdraw.

Godly hands drew your thick and comfy sweatshirt over your head, leaving you bare against the cuddly softness of your new blanket, a perfect dichotomy to the heated hardness of Loki’s chest.  With your arms finally free you tangled your hands in the long tresses of your lover, distracted from the awful music by his groan, “Easy darling.” But now that the tables were tipped in your favor, you had no intention of going easy on Loki.  Not after his antics tonight, not a chance.  Tugging hard enough for him to wince, you ground against his lap with a nip to his neck, “Turn it off then.”

“Now, why would I do that?  Aren’t we still enjoying a Wonderful Christmastime?” Bouncing in his lap, purposefully teasing your mischief maker with a smirk, “We were until you let this terrible song play!” Laughing heartily, Loki stroked over your bare shoulder, one hand resting on your waist and the other cupping your cheek.  “If I wanted to, my darling, I could change your mind.  I could make you adore this song.” “Is that so, Odinson?  I doubt it.”

“Doubt me?  On this, Christmas Eve!  When you know the feelin’s here that only comes once a year?” A confident nod was all he got for an answer.  In a flash you were laying on the soft rug, your legs wrapped over Loki’s and your new blanket tossed to the side.  Fiery kisses to your chest and neck led him to the shell of your ear where he hummed hungrily, “The moon is right, the spirits up…” Enjoying his mouth but not his music, you shoved against his shoulders, panting, “Don’t sing, just kiss me.” Licking into your mouth, Loki’s tongue obliged your need as his hands skated over the curve of your hip, breaking your kiss to croon, “We’re here tonight, dove… and that’s enough.”

“Loki… please stop…”  You fisted his shirt, pulling at the buttons until his muscular torso was under your fingers, strong and solid.  Pushing the plaid cotton off his shoulders, you let your nails drag over Loki’s naked back as you shifted your hips, subtlety be damned. He took the hint.  Nipping a trail over your tummy, Loki kept his eyes on yours as he shucked your shorts, snorting, “No panties?  Naughty!” “If that’s naughty, Loki, then what you’re doing to me is positively evil.” That made your lover grin, his eyebrows lifting in a wickedly Grinchy smile before caressing the inner skin of your thigh with his clever mouth.  Slithering closer to your center, sweeping his tongue in swirls, you couldn’t help the excited shiver he created.  It was enough to block out the terrible song now that you had something more arousing to hold your attention. Using those long, deft fingers, Loki parted your folds with a murmured moan, “You’re so wet, darling.  Maybe you like this song more than you let on?” A curse for him and his rotten taste in Christmas music died in your throat as Loki connected to your sacred skin through a carnal kiss.  Those strong forearms ensured that your knees stayed open wide as his tongue tasted, teasing your clenching cleft, humming with appreciation at your body’s response.  Circling your clit, sucking gently before changing direction and licking your lower lips once more, Loki had you teetering on the cliff of climax in minutes.

Your stomach tensed, ready for release.  Delicious waves of orgasmic bliss were pulsing through you, needing just a touch more friction, a little more pressure in order to crash over you.  Gasping out incoherent whimpers, fingers ruffling Loki’s dark hair, you can’t fight the neediness that he’s created in you. It just feels so incredible, something Loki knows you’re enjoying, “Like that, darling?” Passion clouds your vision as your desire crests, unfulfilled, “You know I do, Loki…” Fingers slide sensually through your slit, his bright eyes on you, “How much?  How much do you like it?” Shaking your head, still foggy with needs unmet, “So much, baby.  I love making love to you so much.” Bumping against your swollen bud, pressing down firmly, Loki begins using his hands to entice you towards ecstasy.  Two fingers enter you easily, delightful, sure, but not as filling as Loki’s hard member.  Reaching for him, you want to lose yourself in loving and being loved by your space god, “Sing for me, dove.” Beseeching you breathlessly, Loki’s hand stills, keeping you at the fringe of falling apart.  Waiting for your reply impatiently he asks again, “Sing, please.” “A song?” His reply is a shake of his dark head.  Slowly, smoothly, Loki withdraws his fingers, only to press them into your yielding flesh once more, “Yes, my darling.  Sing my favorite song!”

Sucking a bruise onto your inner thigh, those fingers of his spreading your walls, the exquisite pressure on your straining clitoris.  Any one of these distractions would have been hard to concentrate through.  Experiencing them all together?  Overwhelming.

And that’s the excuse you would use to explain what happened next.  “The party’s on… The feeling’s here…” As soon as the words left your lips, Loki’s attention resumed in earnest, “That’s it, dove!  Keep going!” “That only comes, this time of year… Ah!  Loki!” Loki watched you lustily.  Your eyes half closed, legs splayed lewdly, a nervous grin on your face.  He never wanted you more.  Slipping out of his jeans, wasting no time, Loki guided his hardened cock into you with a satisfying sigh. Your response to his abundance?  “Oh shit, Loki!  Yes!”  Snapping his hips against your pelvis, iron banded arms clinging to you, Loki stuttered, “I don’t hear you singing!” “We’re simply having a Wonderful Christmastime!”  How many times did you repeat the chorus?  Hard to say.  It became a mantra.  A thing to chant in time with everyone of Loki’s deliberate and deep thrusts. This time, when you felt the familiar stirring of your satisfaction, Loki didn’t stop you.  Encouraging you with a soulful kiss, his stroke surging in time with Paul McCartney’s crooning, you came apart in each other’s arms with a smile.  The song started again and you couldn’t stop the giggles from bursting out of you, “What’s so funny, dove?” “You said you could make me like this terrible, horrible, awful song.” Sitting up and taking you with him, Loki chuckled as he kissed your hand, “Hey, don’t make fun of the best holiday song I have ever heard.”  Pulling your new blanket around the both of you, “I still hate it, but-”

“But?”, his eyebrow arched in surprise, waiting for you to continue.

“But I don’t hate it as much.” Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, playfully ribbing you, “Do I have to force you into having another Wonderful Christmastime?” Biting your bottom lip, you returned the favor by sweeping a stray lock of Loki’s black hair over his shoulder, “Babe, you could make crazy, insane love to me each day and every night… and-” “And?”  Kissing Loki lightly on the nose, you stood up on shaky legs and started towards the hallway.  At the entry way you turned back letting the blanket fall to the floor, “-And Wonderful Christmastime would still suck.”  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To My Many Minxes:  @toomanystoriessolittletime @vodka-and-some-sass @just-random-obsessions @brokenthelovely @lots-of-loki @thefallenbibliophilequote @scrumptious-finicky-illusion @iamverity @mizfit2 @sammy-jo1977 @wolfsmom1 @jessiejunebug @iluvsumbucky @unadulteratedwizardlove @procrastinatinglikeabitch @shxdowofdarkness @nonsensicalobsessions @ahintofkiwistrawberry @alexakeyloveloki @rorybutnotgilmore @crystalizedcaramel @lokislittlecorner @capcapcapsicle @jamielea81 @caffiend-queen @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @jenjen8675309 @that-one-person @roguewraith

[astraymetronome]

The First Accidents

So this is the first part of my Mha/Bnha Au i’m gonna just call Shrinkable Au, basically this is when Deku’s new quirk first develops and a bit of shenanigans that ensued. 

Characters: Izuku Midoriya, Jirou Kyoka, Shota Aizawa/Eraserhead, Chiyo Shuzenji/Recovery Girl, and Denki Kaminari

Warnings: Panic, g/t, and Superpowers, who know what people hate these days.

Word Count: 2347

Considering how often he’s been in strange situations, this is the weirdest yet. All Midoriya had been doing was going on a Practice patrol around the given area with Jiro as his partner when something startled him. He remembers this feeling of needing to hide away from it and when his eyes opened, everything was huge. 

He immediately yelped as the ground shook around him causing the already confused boy to become more dizzy before a loud voice interrupted his questioning.

“Ah! Deku what?!” He covered his ears quickly, it was way too loud! Izuku looked up to see his classmate towering over him, his heart dropping into his stomach at the sight. He felt as if he should run away, do anything to get this new Giant Jiro away from him.

“Oh, sorry I was too loud?” She asked, her voice much more quiet compared to her from earlier. He nodded and began to shake as her hands got closer to him

“Jiro! D-don’t touch me right now!” Midoriya yelled out to her as he started to hug himself. She looked down at him with a sad look before sighing. 

“We're in the middle of a sidewalk, if someone comes by they will question this. It’s best if we head back to the school.. How did this even happen?” As much as he didn’t want to agree, she was right. Him being this small meant he wasn’t safe at all. 

He moved closer to her still shaking as his classmate gently put her hand behind him, scooping him into her palm suddenly causing him to squeak in surprise. He managed to sit up his feet dangling off the edge of her hand. Midoriya immediately turned around and noticed her thumb he scrambled over in a bit of a crawl holding on tightly to it, his legs still slightly dangling off.

This simple encounter between the two of them helped him get an idea of just how small he was, he was around the size of her hand so not the biggest but compared to a normal person it was a significant difference. 

“So.. Midoriya.. What caused this?” She asked as he looked up at her still clinging to her thumb. 

“I-I don’t know Jiro, all I know is I heard that loud thud and then poof! I’m on the floor and the size of a hand!” He called out to her needing to raise his voice a little. He will admit her hands were really warm and it gave him a sense of security but it was quickly swept away by the remembrance of the size difference. 

“I didn’t see anyone who seemed to be suspicious? Did you see anyone?” She asked him, Izuku took a deep breath and shook his head when nothing came to mind. 

“No one that I remember.” He told her as she moved down the road getting ever so closer to the school. His fear was starting to bubble up and rise up over his limits. He hugged her thumb tighter as she got to the gate of campus. 

“J-jiro!” He yelled out her head immediately turning to face him. Once he received his attention he made eye contact with her and responded, “Can we go straight for Mr. Aizawa, I don’t wanna be seen by anyone.” He whispered his face red with embarrassment. The girl nodded in response and cupped him in both of her hands getting a quiet squeak from the boy.

He couldn’t see anything at this point but he could hear people talking even a few questions about why her hands were cupped and where he was. She would say something simple before continuing on her way and walking to find their sensei. 

“Mr. Aizawa!” Jiro’s voice cut through the muffled sounds as she stopped in front of who he could only guess to be his teacher. He felt her move her hands. 

“Something happened to Midoriya.” she said in a very calm tone as he moved around in her hands it was getting rather warm due to her body heat in addition to the warm weather. 

Her hands parted, revealing the small and clearly uncomfortable Midoriya that had been hidden in her hands. He immediately started to look around sighing with relief when he noticed the lack of other people, it was just the three of them.

“What in the world happened to you, Problem Child?” Mr. Aizawa’s voice stole away his attention as he turned to him. Looking up at his teacher, Izuku gave a very little wave as he moved to try and stand up in Jiro’s palm, falling miserably as he slipped and had to grab onto her thumb in order not to fall off.

“We don’t know Sir-!” He yelped as he caught himself returning his gaze to the tall man. He held onto Jiro tightly as she used her other hand to block him from falling. Once he was resettled he continued, “We were walking, heard a noise, and then I was small!” 

Izuku watched as his sensei took a moment to think and gave a sigh, “Well Midoriya, did you notice-” Jiro was quick to cut him off.

“We didn’t see anyone Sir, that was the first thing I asked him.. Well, other than if he was okay.” She told him as Mr. Aizawa nodded and he seemed to understand to a point.

“Alright, well… this is such a random quirk effect, we don’t have a policy for what to do when a student is shrunken.” Izuku bit his lip clearly thinking about something as he looked up at his teacher.

“Sensei, I have an idea.” He said looking up at his teacher and straightening up it clear he’s more comfortable with his size.

“What is it Midoryia?” Said student smiled a little as he looked up at Jiro. 

“Can you put me down?” He asked her, she nodded in response and slid him onto the ground, the two of them squatting down next to him. Izuku sat down as well and looked up at them. “Sir, I want you to use your quirk on me.” He said very abruptly. 

Mr. Aizawa seemed very confused as he looked down at the small boy. “Alright, I see how that will help you but I have no reason to disagree.” His teacher used his eye drops before looking down at the boy. Once activated his quirk seened to cancel whatever it was because Midoriya was suddenly his normal height again.

They both looked shocked as the previously shrunken boy sighed with relief. “Okay… Thank you sir.” Izuku ran his fingers through his hair as the group all stood up.

“Considering my quirk worked… You somehow did this to yourself.” Mr. Aizawa seemed as surprised as he did. He looked down at his hands and then back up at his teacher.

“I-I don’t know how! My quirk isn’t like that.” He said waving his hands around quickly as he dismissed the thought. He stood up rather straight before his teacher gave a sigh.

“Midoriya, do you think you can control it? We have all the reasons to believe you are the cause.” Eraserhead put his hand on the short boy's head as he looked up at him. 

“All due respect Mr. Aizawa, I have absolutely no idea.” He said with a sigh as Jiro crossed her arms over her chest.

“Am I allowed to leave? I have a feeling I'm no longer needed.” She asked as the teacher nodded dismissing her.

Before she could leave Midoriya grabbed her wrist, “Please don’t say anything about this, not until we understand it.” He asked her, the girl replying with a nod as she walked away.

“Alright Midoriya, we are gonna go see Recovery girl, you look a little pale and I honestly want to know what happened.” Mr. Aizawa gave an obvious sigh as he started to move in the direction of the old woman's office. Izuku followed suit as the two of them moved.

“What is it this time Eraser?” The woman asked as she spun around in her chair, the moment she made eye contact with the short green haired boy next to him it made it rather clear he was involved. “What did Midoryia do this time?” 

Izuku flinched from the question feeling extremely embarrassed, “Something-” He started before being cut off by his teacher.

“I believe Midoriya shrunk himself with his quirk.” Mr. Aizawa was so forward with the situation it honestly made the younger boy feel self conscious about his own abilities. 

Recovery girl seemed rather surprised, she knew everything about Midoryia’s quirk so her being surprised by this made it seem rather off. “That’s new.. How can you be so sure it was him?” She asked as she got out of her chair, walked over to the boy, and pulled him out of the doorway.

“Yeah, I used Eraser on him and he returned to normal.” The tall man replied as she pushed Izuku onto a hospital bed and made him sit still as she started to look the boy over. 

“I guess you just developed a new quirk.” Recovery Girl told the two of them as she handed Izuku a cup of water. He told her a thank you before he drank everything that was in the cup.

Mr. Aizawa and the lady went and stood closer to the door to talk as he put the empty cup down on the counter. He went ahead and took off his hero costumes gloves; it was way too hot to be wearing so many layers. 

He gently wrapped them up and threw them over his shoulder as he picked the cup back up to fill it with water again. Instead the cup practically disappeared, turning so small in his palm.

“Miss?” Midoriya called out as he turned to face the two. They looked at each other then at him noticing he was holding something up. “I think I shrunk the cup..” 

The two teacher’s looked a little shocked as he put the small and barely noticeable thing on the counter. He held his hands together tucking them into his chest, afraid to touch anything. Mr. Aizawa walked over to the short boy and was quick to gesture for his hands.

He held them closer to himself before putting his hands out with his palms up. Mr. Aizawa reached over to grab anything from behind him and put a book on them. It took not even a couple seconds for the object to go from normal to a smaller version in his hand.

“I-I can’t control it sir.” He said looking up at the man as he removed the small book from his hands. Izuku placed it on the nearby desk as Recovery girl started to dig through things. The black haired man seemed lost as he looked at the woman. 

“Alright Midoriya, it probably works like Uraraka and Shigaraki’s quirk, my guess of anything that touches all five of your fingertips will shrink. Here,” She handed him a napkin, “Hold this with four or so of your fingers.” He nodded in response and held it with two fingers, the result being as hypothesized. 

A smile of relief spread across his face as he smiled in response. She then nodded and grabbed his wrist holding his hand out as she slid an anti-fouling glove, artist glove, over his hand and quickly doing the same to the other. He looked at the strange fabrics that covered only two of his fingers before gasping and getting her reason. 

“This makes it impossible for me to touch anything with all my fingertips!” He said his eyes shining with the revelation moving his hands around with the glee of a small child earning a small smile from the other male in the room.

“You can use these until we get that quirk under control. Considering you didn’t shrink your gloves, I don’t think you can shrink something that is around a form, for example clothes or plastic wrap around a package.” She said as she ruffled the small boy's curly green hair. 

“I will try to help you control it better, Problem Child.” Mr. Aizawa said as he took the other pair of gloves off Izuku’s shoulder. “For now keep those on, go get changed, you look exhausted.” 

In all forms of honesty he was tired using this new quirk of his really zapped his energy he nodded in response before heading to go do as he was told.

Izuku was sitting down on the couch in the common room as he started to scroll through his phone before he felt two hands on his shoulders so suddenly and made him gasp and jump before the hands disappeared off of him. He turned his head around to see anyone but no one was there, he did feel something on the back of his head. It took a second before put his hand behind his head gently gripping the thing before he pulled it in front of him making eye contact with the small person in his hands. 

“Midoriya! W-what happened to me!?” A voice yelled out as he gasped and used two shaking hands to hold the boy.

“Kaminari! I-i didn’t mean too!” He responded keeping his voice quiet knowing how much loud sounds hurt when at the small size. 

The electric student sat up quickly looking at his small size, he appeared to be around the size of Midoriya’s hand just like he had been when he shrunk.

“I-i developed a new quirk that allows me to shrink things and I can’t really control it yet please don’t be-” Like the drop of a hat Izuku entered a muttering fit that Denki wasn’t in the mood for. 

“Change me back!” He yelled making the now larger boy flinch, he nodded as he shook quickly standing up as he held the yellow haired teen in both of his hands mimicking the actions of Jiro from earlier. What in the world was he gonna tell Aizawa?

There you go, I hope you enjoyed the first bit of this Au! It definitely could have a netter plot and be written in a more flowy way but this is what we get you boys, gals, and non-binary palls. Did I quote Thomas Sanders? Yes, yes I did.

[ironwoman359]

Hello. I saw the post you reblogged about toxicity in the TS fandom. And as someone who is relatively new (Just over 2 months, heyo!), may I ask what kind of toxic behaviour do you see in the fandom? I hope this isn't too much for me to ask, I was just a bit curious and wanted some clarification on the matter. Please feel free to ignore this if it bothers you!

Well, welcome to the fandom, first of all! I hope you’re having fun so far. 

In regards to the post you’re talking about, I think @izzyfandoms said it best: “...most fandoms are okay but have a loud toxic minority, but for us the not-toxic people are often the loudest so we can come off as pure and perfect...” 

Most fandoms do have an amount of toxic behavior in them, it’s very rare (I’d say impossible, actually) to find one with zero problems, but it’s also usually more noticable in other communities than in this fandom, as we have been fortunate to have the non-toxic majority also be the louder voices most of the time (most often in fandoms, toxicity is a loud minority, though there are of course exceptions to this as well). 

The other thing I think is important to remember is that this fandom started out smaller than it is now. I’ve been a presence here since november 2017, and there are other who have been around even longer, and back then, the fandom was much smaller and therefore the toxic minority was even harder to notice. This led to us gaining a reputation of “purity,” which in turn made issues more complicated when they started to crop up. Every fandom is going to have issues, things that people in it disagree about, and people who try to stir up trouble. This is normal, and a fandom displaying those traits is not immediately a bad fandom. What can shift a fandom into an unhealthy one is when issues, disagreements, and drama become the focal point and people begin to treat each other poorly over these things. And I would say a majority of fanders are good at not falling into that type of thinking or acting. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, and it doesn’t mean that the fandom as a whole can just stick our heads in the sand and pretend everything is fine. 

So, you asked me what toxic behaviors I see. I’m going to talk about some examples I’ve seen in this fandom, and before I do I’d like to state first off that it is not my intention to attack anyone specific, or to shame people for their tastes in characterizations, ships, or their triggers or squicks. This is me trying to give my open and honest opinion about this community while being as respectful and tactful as possible. 

Also going forward, every time I say “the fandom” or “people” or refer to the community in some other all encompassing way, know that I do not mean every single person in it, or even a majority necessarily, just enough people to make it noticable. If you exhibit some of the behaviors I’m talking about, I’m not saying you’re a bad person or that you shouldn’t be here, far from it. But everyone has flaws, and these are just some common things that I see in this community. Maybe if you see yourself in this post, you can take a step back and consider your thoughts and actions to see how they may be harming you or others. 

Regardless of everything I’ve said and am about to say, I really love this fandom and the people in it, and I’m incredibly grateful for the impact it’s had on my life. Some bumps in the road aren’t going to change that. (Also I don’t engage with the fandom much outside of tumblr, things may be different on twitter, discord, or other places, this is just my experience with this platform specifically. Okay? Okay.)

So...here’s what I see in this fandom:

It is quick to judge. Anyone been here long enough to remember the week when Roman was “cancelled” between Accepting Anxiety part 1 and part 2? I came into the community later that year, but the fandom elders can tell you, there was a rally against Roman as a character, and a slew of people calling out prinxiety shippers for shipping such a “toxic ship.”  You’d think after that first time, the community would have learned to perhaps be not so quick in its judgements, but we’ve seen the same pattern over and over again.

People were quick to judge Deceit when his character was introduced, which was followed by a back and forth where people argued about what was and wasn’t “sympathetic” content, how things should be tagged, and 

People were quick to judge Virgil after Embarrassing Phases

People were quck to judge Patton after SvS and Patton AND Virgil after DWIT. 

People were quick to judge Remus after DWIT.

And here’s the thing, it’s fine if you have different interpretations of characters, or prefer certain versions. You see Patton’s character flaws and decide “you know what, this character isn’t for me now” or want to explore those flaws taken to their extremes? That is okay. What is not okay, and what this fandom does a lot, is insisting that YOUR interpretation and version of the character is the correct one and shaming people with different ideas. It’s fine if you don’t like Patton or take issue with his current flaws being displayed. It’s NOT fine to attack people who disagree and send anon hate to blogs who speak out in support of Patton. It’s fine if you don’t like unsympathetic sides content. It’s NOT fine to shame people who do or send anon hate to unsympathetic sides blogs. There are lots of different ways to interpret all SIX sides, and yet so often I see people go on some sort of crusade to defend their opinon and insist that it’s canon. 

But that’s all just the characters, this fandom also is very quick to judge the individuals in it. Real, breathing people with lives outside the internet are often shamed or attacked for their opinions about the characters, different ships, the way they’ve chosen to portray the characters in their art or stories, I could go on. Purity culture and cancel culture are prevalant in all areas of the internet, and this fandom is not exempt from it. Demonizing people for making small mistakes, or even for just disagreeing with you, is never okay, and yet it is something I’ve seen again and again in this fandom. Which leads me to my next point...

Anon hate. God, it makes me so angry, and this is the only one that I won’t try to portray both sides of or be diplomatic about, because it is flat out unacceptable no matter the circumstance. There are so many blogs in this fandom that have horrible anon hate problems, and I am sick of seeing it. I don’t care what a person has done or what opinions they have that you may disagree with, I don’t care if they’re the worst person in the world. It’s not okay to send anon hate, and it’s not okay to tell people to kill themselves. You find a blog in this fandom that you just Do Not like, either because of their content, their opinions, hell, just their personality? Unfollow them. Block them if you want. But sending anon hate over ships, characters, opinions and statements, it’s just childish and unacceptable. And it happens enough in this fandom that there are people who are afraid of making statements about things for fear of attracting more of that energy. Love always follows the hate and drowns it out in this fandom, for which I’m grateful, but the hate shouldn’t exist in the first place. Cut that shit out. 

In general, this fandom has not handled differing opinions well, be it opinions on how to tag content, disagreements over characterizations, or encountering an idea that you personally may not care for. It is ultimately up to individuals to curate their online experience, by unfollowing blogs they don’t like, blocking tags and blogs they don’t want to see, and reading summaries and content warnings before opening fics. Often in this fandom I think people get upset if something isn’t tagged the way they want it to be (and I’m not talking about not tagging triggers, I’m talking like, someone insisting a blogger tag deceit content as #ts deceit when they already tag it as #deceit sanders. In situations like that it is the responsibilty of that someone to either block the tags a blog is using or not follow blogs whose tagging system doesn’t work for them), or if someone disagrees with them and we forget that it is okay to just...unfollow people. You don’t have to follow every blog in this fandom to be a part of the community, and if a blog is making posts and content you don’t like, unfollow them, don’t attack them for it. Accept that they have as much a right to their opinions and their space in the fandom as you do, and adjust your block and follow list accordingly so that you can get the experience that YOU want out of this fandom. 

I hope this was helpful, and I hope it didn’t get too long for you. I’m not putting this under a cut because I think it’s important, but I will tag it as #longpost so my mobile users don’t suffer too much. If you want to discuss this in the notes, please keep it civil, and remember that we all are fans of Thomas here, and that we probably have more in common than we do differences. I love you guys, stay awesome

[swiftiephobe]

thoughts on edit discourse, aka “you all realise this is meant to be fun?”

okay so buckle up swifties because i have some THOUGHTS about the whole edit discourse, the idea of needing to support editors by reblogging their posts and where i think some of you are a bit... misguided in how you approach sharing content on tumblr.com. this is a long post (i have put it under a cut because it is that long) because i am incapable of saying things concisely and i cannot think of another way to get my points across without having them misrepresented. i know a lot of people might ignore this because it’s a long ass essay, and that is valid <3 i just wanna get these thoughts out there. i do appreciate anyone who chooses to read this and try and understand my point of view. i love editors and the content they create. i do not love the idea that people have to run their blogs and engage with content on this website in a very specific way in order to be acceptable to the community.

also this isn’t directed at any one person in particular. the attitudes i am talking about are pervasive in a large portion of the fandom, and i’ve seen them building for quite a while now. i’m happy to have a respectful discussion about many of the points i’ve made here, as i know a lot of you will disagree with them. the purpose of this post isn’t to “attack” people, it’s to provide a different perspective.

i wanna preface this by talking about when i first started posting edits. i don’t do it a lot now mostly because i’m busy and don’t often feel like it but back in 2017/2018 i really got into editing. i remember when i first taught myself how to make gifs in photoshop, and i made my first gifset, and i was so excited to post it because i was so proud of myself for having created something. so i posted it, and then i kept making and posting gifsets. most of them didn’t get many notes, and frankly a lot of them were not very good because i was still learning, but i still posted them because it was nice to have created something. 

one day i posted a gifset and tagged it with some appropriate tags, including tagging some big source blogs. well, one of those big source blogs actually reblogged my gifset! and i was so excited by that. i even went and sent that blog an ask profusely thanking them for reblogging my edit. it’s a bit embarrassing to think about having done that now, but the point is i was so excited to have a blog that i considered “important” reblog my stuff, and of course that led to more notes on the gifset which made me happy. that gifset ended up getting about 150 notes, which still isn’t a lot but it made me happy at the time.

why am i telling this story, you might ask? because i want to put it out there that I GET IT. getting that reblog on that gifset made me, a baby editor, very very happy. ecstatic, even. the fact that i can still remember it now shows how much it meant to me. i was already proud of myself for having created something that i thought was good, but getting that extra bit of external validation to tell me that what i had created was actually good felt special. so i understand why editors want people to reblog their work. it makes us feel good to see that others are enjoying what we’ve made enough to want to share it with others.

so i kept making edits, some of them got a lot of notes while others really didn’t. i continued to learn new things about editing, i played around in photoshop and got excited every time i realised a new thing i could do with one of the tools. some of the edits i made were a lot of work, and i was very proud of them, and i still am very proud of them. a lot of those edits that hold a special place in my heart did not get many notes. one edit that i made (which was a url graphic for another person) took hours and a lot of hard work trying to figure out how to make my idea happen, and i think now it has less than ten notes.

sometimes i look back through my edit tag and i see edits like that one, that i loved making and thought turned out very well, but have relatively very few notes. and honestly? when i look at them, i don’t feel sad about the number of notes they have. sure, i think “well, it would’ve been nice if more people had seen this”, but for the most part i still feel damn proud of myself for having made it. i feel happy looking at them because they remind me of when i was making them and how much i enjoyed the process. 

at the end of the day, editing isn’t something i do as a job, for the sake of meeting a quota or reaching a benchmark of external achievement. it’s a hobby, something i do because i enjoy the process of creating something. i post my edits here so that they can be hosted publicly on my blog, and yes while getting notes is very very nice, it’s not my primary motivation. this year i’ve mostly been making edits for albums that i have enjoyed, some of which have practically no audience on tumblr and so don’t get many notes. and that’s fine. i don’t make them for other people.

which i suppose brings me to a point that i feel like will upset some people, but... the way some of you talk about editing, sometimes it seems like you don’t even enjoy it? i know that’s ridiculous because you all do, and many of you are crazy talented, but when i read people posting about how getting less than 100 notes on an edit makes them want to give up and never post an edit ever again, i frankly have to wonder if you even enjoyed making the edit in the first place, and if not, why did you do it? it just seems like a lot of you have a warped idea that the end goal of making an edit is notes, when in my opinion it really should be for fun. we’re in the taylor swift tumblr fandom. this is meant to be fun, remember? it’s okay to be upset when something you thought was great doesn’t receive as enthusiastic a reception as you were hoping for, but it happens to everyone and it doesn’t mean you, or others, are doing something wrong. if you enjoyed creating something, and you are proud of it, that’s what really matters in the end.

something else i’ve noticed is the extreme policing of how people interact with edits, mostly the notion that you HAVE to reblog edits and anything else is offensive and unacceptable. and sorry, but no. everyone runs their blogs in a different way. some people use their likes as bookmarks for things they want to reblog or queue for later. some people have a specific aesthetic they want to keep for their blog so don’t reblog every single thing, but they still want to acknowledge that they saw your edit and liked it. people have a million reasons why they don’t want to reblog something, and since it is their blog and their space, all of them are valid. 

when you post something to a public social media website, you have to accept that people are going to interact with it in the way that suits them most (this is of course excluding hate or stealing, those are not acceptable). if you are seeing a like on your edit and somehow extrapolating it into some “this isn’t good enough” statement, you are reading way too much into it. if people are liking your edit, it’s because they like your edit. is it nice when people reblog your stuff? yes. but people aren’t obligated to do so.

this also applies to the idea of keeping comments in the tags. i agree that commenting in the tags on edits is proper etiquette, and it’s something i always do. but the absolutely vitriol i have seen directed towards people who comment on their reblogs is not okay. i’ve seen people talk about blocking people who comment on their edits. it’s not nice. if you see someone say “i love this!” about your edit and your first thought isn’t “that’s so nice!” but instead “this person said this in the wrong place so i hate it”, please get your priorities straight.

i think most of the discussion surrounding edits starts off in a good place. it’s good to remind people that reblogging edits is the best way to support them, and that it will make people happy. i think that message has been made clear time and time again, but now it’s turning into something more aggressive. you all say that the fandom is “dying” because people don’t interact with edits (as a side note, edits aren’t the only valid form of content in the fandom. funny text posts, theories, discussions and ask games all contribute to the feeling of the fandom being alive just as much as edits do), but all that these rules you’re trying to implement do is scare people away. people will become more and more afraid to interact with anything, for fear of not interacting enough, not interacting in the right way, or not interacting with the right people. and that, ultimately, will do a lot more harm to the fandom than people liking your edits.

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Fourteen

“What is it?” He asks impatiently. 

“How did she know all this?” The old man whispered to himself, almost amazed as he skimmed the pages. 

“What is it?” Harry asked again, this time louder. 

“And this book, I, I didn’t even know it still existed, I thought,” he’s talking to himself, but Harry is still listening. 

“Listen to me!” He boomed, Dumbledore knew something. And as far as Harry knew, this something could get Hermione back, or at the very least help him understand what Voldemort might want with her. 

Dumbledore snapped out of it to meet his green eyes. 

“Is this, whatever this is, can we get her back?” Harry almost whispered, pushing down any hope best he could. 

“I’m afraid,” the old man's voice is shaking, “I’m afraid this only endangers Hermione further.” 

Feeling bold, Harry moves forward and tries to snatch the leather bound book Hermione’s been scribbling in. However, Dumbledore is faster despite his age and pulls it out of Potter’s grasp. 

“Harry.” He warns, voice dangerously low. 

The dark haired boy recognized that voice, the last time he heard it was when Dumbledore had told the Gryffindor to get closer to Slughorn, for his memory. 

And it clicks. 

“This is about what you needed from Slughorn, isn’t it?” His voice is stronger than he thought was capable with all the guilt wracking his mind. 

“No one can know.” The white haired man says. 

“Hermione does.” 

“She shouldn’t.” Dumbledore says sharply, “I don’t even know how.” 

“Tell me,” Harry’s begging, “please.” 

The headmaster shakes his head a little, “I don’t even understand it myself, not fully.” 

He sits on the edge of the cot Hermione had been occupying, it still smells like her. He wonders how long that’ll last, “please sir.” 

Sighing in defeat, he sits next to him, “I knew that Voldemort had employed ancient dark magic to keep him so strong and I suspected he shared as much with Professor Slughorn. I believe that Hermione has found the very thing I’ve tasked you with retrieving from Horace’s memory.” He explained. 

“And what is it?” Harry whispers. 

“A horcrux, it conceals a part of a dark wizard or witches soul, the logistics are unclear, but it leads to immortality.” 

“You think he’s made a Horcrux?” The Boy-Who-Lived asks. 

Dumbledore nods, “possibly several, but I can’t be sure. Even I am not fully aware of the extent of these objects, there’s only been one text written on it. I had thought the very book was destroyed decades ago.” 

“The book...” he trails, pointing to the black thing splayed on the ground. 

The old man nods, “yes, it’s contents contain that of Dark Magic. I had every intention to destroy the book myself, but Headmaster Dippet disagreed. By the time I was appointed, I was under the impression a boy named Tom Riddle had obliterated the only copy in existence.” 

“How would Hermione have gotten it?” She’s the last person who’d break any sort of rules. 

Dumbledore shook his head, “I don’t know. It also appears several pages are missing, those I believe outline how to destroy a Horcrux. Miss Granger is exceptionally brilliant, more so than I am, she must’ve hid them away knowing how crucial it was.” 

Harry nodded somberly, pondering on why Hermione didn’t tell him. 

The professor broke his revere, once again sounding frantic, “would anyone know?” 

He shook his head fiercely, “she didn’t tell me. Her and Ron haven’t spoken in a while. Ginny maybe, we can ask,” he began. 

“No!” The man's voice boomed, Harry jumped, “no, no one can know.” He says calmer. 

After a moment, a tense moment, the chosen one speaks with so much conviction, it shakes Albus Dumbledore himself to his very core. 

“No.” 

All the headmaster can do is scrunch his brow in confusion. 

“Ron, he deserves to know.” Harry states. 

Knowing there’s no point in arguing, the old man grants him this mercy, “just him, no one else Harry. This, this changes everything.” 

And though Potter can’t comprehend how important this is, he nods anyway, sensing as much. 

“You have to be strong, Harry. Now more than ever. Mister Weasley, I fear he has the potential to stumble down a long path of darkness. You must steer him of that, you must be strong.” He tells him. 

“I don’t know how,” The chosen one admits quietly, eyes looking around the small room, “Hermione, she’s always been strong enough for the three of us.” 

And it’s true. Whenever Harry is too exhausted to carry on, it’s always Hermione who stays up looking for a solution. It’s Hermione who makes sure he and Ron have a good time at Quidditch despite all the bad. It’s her who keeps them going.

“Now you must find the strength she once possessed. For yourself, for Ron, for Hermione. It’s the best chance she has.” Albus tells him softly.  

Silently, Dumbledore charms both the book and diary, no doubt putting protective enchantments on them as he slides it back into her trunk. 

Just when he makes a move to tell Harry they should go back downstairs and act as if nothing happens, someone speaks. 

“What happens if he finds out Hermione knows?” The young boy's voice is trembling. 

For a brief second Dumbledore’s voice catches in his throat, “I fear for the worst.” Is all he can manage. 

...

Soon they go downstairs, no one questions how long they’ve been gone. Ginny however, does ask if they found anything. Quickly, almost awkwardly, Harry says no. No one seems to catch the lie, except for Ron. 

Before he can question his friend, a small group enters the room. 

Lupin, Tonks, Moody, McGonagall, and Kingsley walk in, however their arrival is anything but joyous. 

Ignoring any niceties being exchanged, he stands numbly as they speak to Dumbledore. A few minutes later, they disburse a few Weasley’s as well. 

“Ronald, would you mind accompanying me outside? I would like to make sure no traces of dark magic were left behind.” He says to the younger boy. 

“Albus, I don’t think that,” Molly tries again delicately. 

“It’s alright Mum. I’ll be fine.” Without another word, he walks to the door, not even bothering with a coat. He hopes the cold air will sting his skin and make him feel something. 

They step outside as Ron wordlessly leads Dumbledore over to the oak tree. 

“What happens if there is dark magic left behind?” The ginger all but whispers. 

Weasley hears the old man's lips smack against each other as he starts to speak, “it’s a very rare, very powerful thing, but it seems those from the noble house of Black are able to master such things.” 

“Such as?” The boy implores. 

“Sometimes, if say an ancient spell, or even something dark like an unforgivable curse is used, a wizard or witch powerful enough may be able to trace the source of the dark magic.” Dumbledore peers over to see Ron looking confused, “essentially, if something other than expelliarmus was used, depending on the spell, Bellatrix is able to call to the connection of her magic here, she can apparate back.” 

Ron hadn't realized it, but they had stopped walking, the tree in sight, but they weren’t exactly there. 

“And if it is there, how do you, you know, stop her?” He gulped. Asking questions was a line of defense, as he tried to block his mind from the thought of an unforgivable curse used on Hermione. 

“I shall expel the magic from the area, strengthen the wards, extend the apparition line.” He assured.

“Bellatrix,” he whispered, “she never, she never passed the wards, Harry, Hermione, and I, we ran out of them.” 

The headmaster nodded, “yes, if nothing else you and your family will be safe as long as you stay within the bounds.” 

Ron opens his mouth to make some snarky comment about what good that did Hermione, but refrains from it. He’d hate to see so much as a hair out of place on someone else’s head he cared about. This was enough pain to last him a lifetime. 

At the silence, the ginger breaks it by continuing his stride to the tree, dreading every second as he goes. 

Again, wanting to avoid the inevitable, he talks again, “I reckon someone should do the same at the Granger’s.” It’s unspoken, but the fact that Death Eaters could go after them is very plausible. Something that’s been eating at Hermione for a while. 

“The wards have been placed around the Granger’s house after the tournament. Hermione requested her parents not know about their placement. The order checks in.” He assures. 

“Oh.” Ron breathes stupidly. Hermione is brilliant, he’s not surprised, he just should’ve realized. He also wishes she didn’t do it alone. 

A Gryffindor through and through, the bravest of them all she was, is, he reminds. Now it’s his turn to be the courageous one, to buck up and face her parents, help the order anyway he could, and get her back. 

And like he can read Ron’s mind, Dumbledore breaks his thoughts, “don’t worry yourself too much Ron, there will be time for that later,” to worry about Hermione’s family, about her, “for now we must focus. One thing at a time.” 

With a huff of air, his shoulders ease the slightest bit, but are still tense. Ron finally steps to the tree, focusing viciously on the unfamiliar incantation Dumbledore whispers rather than the fact Hermione was here not long ago. 

Then something catches his eye. 

As the old man casts the spell, a glowing white light outlines the grass. There’s a few shapes, one is a silhouette of what Ron knows to be Hermione’s crumpled body, two outlines of pairs of shoes, but the other, it’s a rectangle. 

Meaning, something was there on the ground as they apparated away, but it vanished with her. 

After a moment he realizes, heart breaking as he does, “the book.” 

Dumbledore drops his wand at the word. 

“What did you say?” 

“Book,” he chokes out, “the book, she grabbed onto it, it’s gone.” It was a gift, he was supposed to give it to her. Give her that and all the love he had to offer. To show he cared. 

Then with a thud, his back is hitting the tree trunk as Dumbledore’s piercing eyes bore into his own. 

“Book, what book?” He sounds panicked, more frantic than Ron ever imagined he could sound. 

He just stares at him with wide, shocked eyes. 

“Ron!” His voice booms. 

The red head flinches, “a gift- a Christmas gift. It was Hogwarts, A History. That’s all.” He explains quickly. 

At the admission, Dumbledore’s hands slide off his shoulder as he steps back. “My apologies.” The man says rather calmly. 

However, Ron is anything but.  

He slants his eyes to the most respected man in the Wizarding world, not caring less, “this is about that book, isn’t it? The one she’s been holding onto.” Realization strikes again, “Harry showed you, it means something doesn’t it? Come on, out with it!” He commands loudly. 

“Keep your voice down. No one can know.” The white haired man tells him. 

“Tell me what it is! Tell me it can help!” He pleads angrily. 

“Mr.Weasley!” The headmaster roars, making the younger wizard slink back, turning red. “I will tell you what I know, if you swear this information stays strictly between us and Harry. Do you hear me, no one can know, this is life or death.” 

Anxiously, Ron nods. He’s praying to whatever is up there that this information hasn’t reached Hermione. That this proclamation of life and death won’t touch her. 

Dumbledore’s voice drops to a deadly whisper, “Miss Granger seemed to either knowingly or unknowingly, uncovered what I believe is the key to destroying Voldemort.”

Ron shivers at the name. Shivers even more at the prospect of what this could mean.

“The book she’s been immersed in, the last known person in possession of it, was Tom Riddle. I believed it had been destroyed upon his departure.” 

“What’s in the book?” Weasley gulps. 

The old man shakes his head, “dark magic. The darkest magic possible. The type of power that’ll make you wish you rotted in Azkaban rather than meet it’s fate.”

Still, Ron’s brow remains scrunch. 

“A horcrux,” it’s barely audible, “bi products of murder, that if done correctly, can give one immense power, immortality.” He tells in a whisper. 

“How do you destroy one?” It’s the first thing he thinks of, if these ruddy things are out there he wants them gone. 

Regretfully, Albus sighs, “that’s the thing Ron, I believe only Hermione knows how to do that.” 

“Meaning if she found these, whatever, she could then kill Vold,” he stops, “kill him.” He amends. 

“Yes.” He nods slowly. 

“And that’s exactly where she’s been taken to, to him!” Tears sting the corners of his eyes. 

“Listen to me, you are fearing the worst, I doubt Voldemort even knows the extent of the information Hermione has, even if he really does suspect it.” His eyes meet Ron’s glassy ones, “and Miss Granger, she wouldn’t give it up for anything.” 

“You see professor,” Ron chokes, “that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.” He admits. 

Sadly, Dumbledore nods with sympathy, as he flicks his wand one more time. Ron bites his lip and closes his eyes shut at seeing the outline of Hermione again.  

A moment later, the old man's voice causes him to open them, “there’s no dark magic here.”  He promises. 

Ron let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. At least it was one last thing to worry about. 

“Now to strengthen,” Albus starts until a shriek sounds from inside the Burrow. 

Without a glance, the ginger takes off toward his house. Surprisingly, Dumbledore doesn’t stray far behind as they clamber into the living room. 

Lupin is dropped to his knees consoling the shaky body. Ginny is backed into a corner horrified. Molly is crying. 

“I don’t, I don’t understand.” McGonagall’s uneasy voice says. 

In front of Ron, is Harry Potter, writhing on the floor and clutching his scar. 

“It’s him.” Is all he can say to the room.

[carewyncromwell]

I don't know if you want to talk about this (and feel free to ignore this if you don't want to answer), but I wanted to ask which side of the Ethren mess you're on? I know in the beginning you were on his side, but I've seen so much hate and so many accusations and I don't know what to believe anymore, and I trust your judgement

I have to be honest -- when I first saw that a blog had been created with the specific purpose of “calling out” someone in the HPHM fandom...I blocked it.

I come to this fandom largely to escape from the real world. It’s been one of the few remaining sanctuaries I’ve had during this quarantine and from my own mental health problems. I’ve made a lot of friends in this community, and I feel very strongly about putting out more positive content than negative, as well as trying to digest more positive than negative. I don’t like the thought of a stranger posting stuff online about someone else who -- let’s be honest -- nobody truly knows unless they actually physically know them IRL. Unless one wants to go down an entire rabbit hole of getting to know a person uncomfortably well, there’s not much anyone can do to prove what’s true. And I know it sounds really immature and selfish of me, but...I was never that interested in learning much about this fandom’s members’ personal lives, excluding what the friends I’ve made have been willing to confide in me on a case by case basis. I have plenty of my own drama happening over here on my side, and I just want to have fun roleplaying with people’s characters and making content for both mine and theirs. It’s been one of the few things that helped me fight back my untreated and severe chronic depression after being furloughed from my job thanks to the COVID-19 shutdown. My job had been my escape, and without it, I was drowning -- one of my only life preservers was making content for this blog. So for my own mental health, I shut out the negativity, because I wasn’t emotionally or mentally able to deal with it. And admittedly, it felt to me as though this sort of thing really shouldn’t be handled online when -- again -- this sort of thing seems like it’d be better handled in the real world and the legal system, rather than in the court of mostly anonymous public opinion. And it also feels kind of nasty to reblog content from people online who simply liked the character Ethren Whitecross and made fan content for him, just to harangue them for it. It’s like attacking all Harry Potter fans for being transphobic just because they enjoyed something created by a trans-exclusionary radical feminist -- particularly when in the case of Ethren, the vast majority of us don’t know Ren personally. One could’ve related to Ethren’s story without knowing anything about his creator, and people did, often not because of any kind of malevolent reasons.

After receiving this message, though, I unblocked the blog in question and read some more of their posts. When I’d first blocked it, the only post of theirs I saw in the HPHM tag came across as rather hostile, and combined with Ren’s blog saying that an ex was stalking him, I don’t think it’s unsurprising that some people were initially warded off by it. But reading some of the other stuff written on that blog since...I must acknowledge there’s a lot of troubling stuff there. It made me very upset, and made me kind of regret that I’d initially jumped into making a stance without hearing both sides. But at the same time, considering that someone from outside the fandom had arrived specifically to target someone in the fandom, supposedly on behalf of someone else who also had no ties to the fandom, it looked a lot like cyberbullying to me at the time. Now it’s very clear there’s more to the story, and for that initial leap to judgment, I am sorry. I wasn’t in a place where I understood fully what the discussion was about before I took a side, and that’s something I should know better than to do.

But I think this comes down to, in the end, my answer to your question, regarding sides.

I don’t want to take a side -- because I didn’t come to the HPHM fandom to fight people. I came here to be happy.

I know someone could read this as cowardly and ignorant, but please, understand that I thought long and hard about this. This place has been a safe space for me, and I understand it has been for others as well -- a place where we can go to enjoy art and fanfiction for something we enjoy and roleplay as new, interesting characters with other people who have similar interests and creative leanings. I thoroughly understand that it can’t truly be a safe space if we allow people who would threaten other people’s safety into it, and I also thoroughly understand that people can include problematic aspects of themselves into their characters along with good things (just look at how J.K.’s apparent subliminal views on the LGBT+ community influenced how she’s handled Dumbledore). Both things are definitely things to be aware of, and it’ll be an ongoing struggle to try to propagate a truly welcoming and positive, and yet safe and supportive community. There will always be shadows and dark spots that aren’t easy to see, just like with all fandoms, and it’s good to now and again take the time to examine them.

But to quote a line from one of my favorite songs, “it’s hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead.”  I cannot log onto my computer and into this fandom every day and think about openly attacking someone else, regardless of whether they deserve it or not. This feels like something that the victim should handle herself in the real world, and I truly hope that she finds peace in whatever path she takes. But that is her story to tell, to write, and to play out -- it’s not mine. Mine is a story I have written and am still writing, where I’ve tried to find a way to be happy and be a good person despite everything in my life that has made that so difficult. And so I truly feel the only way I can approach this situation is to not let the things that hurt and drain me have power over my life, and put my energy toward things that build me up instead. I try not to visit tags or places online that could be triggering, and simply enjoy the things I do like. I’ve stopped spending money on things Harry Potter-related because of Jo’s stance on transgender rights, but still engage in the HP fandom and celebrate what is good in the original material and especially what its fandom has made out of it. In this case, I will simply do the same, particularly since from the look of things, Ren’s blog is no longer around for anyone to interact with anyway, positively or not. I’ll engage with blogs whose work I can still enjoy and give me some light when I most need it, and try my best to keep creating more light of my own for others. I will light candles, and little by little, I’d like to think the room will be bright enough that the dark will be significantly smaller and less scary than it was.

I understand if any of you disagree with or are angry about anything I’ve said. I know “playing both sides” is not a great thing to do, and I truly don’t mean to. But I’m afraid I do have to take my own side here, for my own mental and emotional well-being. I responded to this Ask because I felt like saying nothing would’ve truly been the cowardly thing to do, by pretending the issue isn’t there at all. I’m not pretending it isn’t there -- but I do think it’s a battle I’m ill-equipped to engage in, not because of my personal morals, but because I don’t feel emotionally able to play the role of judge, jury, and executioner in this court of public opinion.

[stressed-sunshine]

Diego x Reader with 23. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.” 54.  "But this is the only thing that's made the last three years bearable." 61.  "Are you kidding me? We're not 'fine'!" If you wanna :)

Tired of pretending

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy 

Characters: diego x bi!female reader

Words: 1605 words

Theme song: take me back by alex band

Author’s note: I wrote the reader to be bi so if that’s not comfy for you, you could always skip it or read something else. It’s just how I wanted it to go.

Warnings: blood, anguish, mental breakdown, self-hatred, implied hookup, uncensored swearing

Prompts: 23. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretend that they’re you.” 54. “But this is the only thing that’s made the last three years bearable.” 61. “Are you kidding me? We’re not fine!”

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Writing requests link

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Y/N and Diego met at the gym where he works. They’d lock eyes from opposite sides of the ring just to look away. Stolen seconds before they’d let go. She didn’t stay behind anymore to talk to him when they’d close up and she hated why. Her fear told her it was nothing but trouble and trouble wasn’t worth it. No matter how she disagreed with it, it was in control. Oh, how she dreamed of tearing down the walls with her bare hands to embrace him on the other side, but they were just dreams. Make believe. Could they even be together after these years?

An overwhelming hate built in her chest whenever she’d push those doors open. Their eyes would meet, one pair filled with something. All her limbs lost feeling. Her face, the only surviving piece of her until she pulled away and disappeared from his sight. Her fists collided with the punching bag. Colliding. Crushing. Bleeding. Screaming. The words of caution from her confidant fell on deaf ears until a gasp escaped from her mouth and crimson from her knuckles. 

She ripped off her gloves and wraps, disappearing into the bathroom. Her reflection laughed at her. Most accurately, gasping from laughter. Why do you find my pain hilarious? The chaos in my temples and ears. Why won’t you leave me be? I just want to be happy. 

The water rinsed off her blood and she hissed at it. It was more helpful than her own mind. Life was a cruel bitch, but not as cruel as herself. For she couldn’t even let herself be happy. Was it really her fault? Gods. At this point, who was to blame? Her? She didn’t know, but, oh, how she wanted to.

Her clean fist collided with the taunting reflective surface in front of her. Bugger off, she thought. This is my life. Leave me be. Why would I do that? Why am I so afraid? He could break your entire spirit. Like you’re doing right now? I… No.

The door of the restroom opened. Shouting didn’t break her thoughts. The arms of her trainer enveloped her and her frustration escaped in a cry for help. 

Her arms tightened, “I’m here, y/n. Oh god, what happened to you?” 

She didn’t respond. Her body trembled and her eyes shut like a locked door. 

“I’m fine.” Her voice cracked similarly to the shards across the tiles. 

She took her to hospital. Her lies kept her from being stuck there. It wasn’t clear to her why they’d let her leave when it was obvious, but she was out and she went to a bar to be alone. How ironic. Shut up. Drinks upon drinks, she felt a hand tap her and a woman spoke.

“Did you come alone, beautiful?”

“Yeah. Plan to change that?” How is that supposed to work?

“How about I buy you another drink?”

“How about we get out of here?”

“Sure thing, gorgeous.”

“Can I kiss you?”

The two locked lips at the bar but not the door at her place. The rest of the night was a blur and she was content with that. Anything to forget what had happened the last few days. The next day, she awoke to her hookup asleep. 

She left her there with no care if she stole anything. Her possessions meant nothing right now. Nothing did. Her numbness wasn’t in her limbs anymore. Her chest felt cold and her eyes blurred. Every swallow kept her vision good enough to go to the gym. Her body was in auto-pilot and she was gone. 

Her hands pushed open the doors. It was almost closing time and everyone had left by now. It would just be Diego… She wasn’t sure if the owner would be there, but at this point, she didn’t care. The man turned around. At first, he looked confused and on guard with someone bursting in there like that at this hour. But that quickly shifted to concern when he saw her. She looked different than the woman he’d grown to be friends with. 

She’d been avoiding him and he didn’t know why. But her eyes - they gave him chills and he felt like she was going through something. Something that she needed space for. How he was right yet wrong. His texts and calls were left on read and/or no response for days, until, eventually, he stopped altogether. His thought was that she was getting help or using the gym as an outlet. She was. 

She needs space, he thought. She’s getting help, he thought. I hope, it was the opening to those sentences, one that he’d block out when he met her gaze. He was scared too for her. And when he saw her there, he knew that he was so very wrong. 

“Diego Hargreeves…” 

Her words failed in her throat. The only freedom her numbness allowed her. And she was buggering it up. She choked it down and started again. This time, swallowing down her doubts, her fears bubbling up.

“I’m here to let you know that i’m fine. Everything is fine. So, stop staring at me like a lost puppy.” That’s not what I meant to say! “Okay!?” Shut up. She turned around and made her way back to the entrance. 

“Are you kidding?” 

“Excuse me?”

“We’re not fine! You’ve been isolating yourself from anyone who tries to care about you, even your own family and trainer. Who can get close to you without being pushed away? You need help. All you need to do is admit you need it.” 

Her voice snapped, “How can I? I won’t let me!”

“You’re the only thing stopping yourself! People are trying to help you and you just ignore them. I bet their pleas are the same as the ones between your ears. Just let go of this. Scrap it. Start over.”

“How!?” 

Shut up. No. 

He shook his head, “I don’t have all the answers, but a professional can help you find out how. Please just talk to someone. Me, you, a shrink. Someone you trust. I can swear to you that it’ll get better. Bottling it doesn’t help anybody.”

Water built up in her vision until she fell to her knees. Her face enveloped in her fingers. 

“I can’t talk to them.”

“Then talk to me.” 

He kneeled down beside her. He gave her space, but stayed semi-close. Just to let her know he was there for her, but only if she wanted him to be. Slowly, her hands moved from her face. The sobbing became quiet by this point and she looked up to him. His expression was supportive like a best friend would be. Once she looked at him, her eyes couldn’t keep from crying again. But this time, she let herself collapse into Diego who wasn’t expecting it. He fell on his bum, but kept her from hitting the hard floor.

Neither moved for what felt like eternity. Her tears soaked through his work shirt, but it meant nothing in comparison. Her nails dug into his skin and in return, his hand rested on hers. They loosened eventually. He gently rubbed a hand over her back. Over time, her sobs calmed down from a hurricane to a gentle rain. 

“Diego, I,” she wiped her nose with a sleeve. “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretend that… they’re you, but this is the only thing that’s made the last three years bearable.”

“Is that why this is happening?” 

He had to ask. The thought of selfishness came to mind from what he wanted to say, ‘Am I the cause of your pain?’

She didn’t reply for sometime. All she did was sniffle and fiddle with her fingers for a good long while before she gave an answer.

“Partly, yes and no. I’m utter rubbish who… doesn’t deserve to be happy because I'm the most worthless thing on this entire bloody planet!” 

Her voice raised higher, faster, and angrier with every word until she was practically screaming. Her hands clashed repeatedly with the sides of her head vigorously until Diego clasped his around them.

“Stop. Stop!” 

She buried her face in his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him.

“Gods… Why can’t I be happy?” 

It sounded more like she was asking herself. Diego didn’t know how to answer. He didn’t know either, but he wanted to try at least.

“Because you hate yourself. And… I don’t see why. You’re a good person.”

He gently placed both of his hands on the sides of her head and guided it to meet his eyes.

“You’re a good person.” 

She tried to blink away her tears. She couldn’t disagree with him. She was too afraid to let herself be happy, but here? This moment was an example of her potential rapture. Everything could be like this or better. Even if she was still afraid. Even if she was being screamed at from within. She could push forward until these fears are nothing but a memory.

“Thank you.” She hiccuped. He brushed her wet hair out of her face. “You’re welcome, y/n.”

She gave him a weak smile and met his gaze. 

“Could I-” 

She pressed her lips together and looked away. Now isn’t the time, she thought. And he’ll agree with me. There’s time in the future for this. He knows how I feel. How could he not? I practically screamed it in his face. 

A gentle pressure touched her forehead. Her hands went to his face and finally, she smiled.

“Promise me you’ll try and get an appointment.”

“I promise, Diego.”

[twiceblackvelvet]

hi

forgive me for the long post, i’m still trying to gather my thoughts on this situation but i’m going to do my best to address the most common issues people bring to me because clearly my intentions are being misconstrued, have become confused for some of you and people attempted to put a lot of words into my mouth last night that i never stated.

i’m also not the best at explaining myself at times but i am going to do my best to offer my own perspective as well as insight into my thinking, so if anyone is confused by anything detailed here, you can simply ask me in a polite manner and i will talk about it with you.

tw // mentions of anxiety, transphobia, self harm, suicide, harassment

i have for a long time discussed my dislike of this community when i first joined it. i thought that the big accounts were all in cliques together, not willing to help anyone and that they just never really cared about much except issues regarding themselves. i’ve also talked about how i personally did not want to be like that as i am unable to just simply “ignore” things i see happening, in fact, i struggle to let go of them as i do tend to hyperfixate on negative situations where i’ve felt like my feelings have been hurt which is very easy for me to feel like has happened even if someone wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me. i have felt this for a large part of my life which never really became clear to me until i realised it’s also a part of adhd or more specifically rejection sensitive dysphoria.

i feel my emotions incredibly intensely and whether someone intended to upset me or not, i will in the majority of situations i’m in convince myself that they meant to hurt me and then i’ll put myself down because of that. it’s a lot harder for me through a screen to decipher people’s intentions but i try my best not to let it bother me too much, which isn’t easy whatsoever.

i also have anxiety which makes it hard for me to deal with certain situations where increased hate is thrown around so casually because i will start to panic. it also makes it hard for me to approach others particularly when i’m already in a state of anxiety which is kind of a cruel, twisted joke by the universe when you think about it.

however, i do find issues within this community incredibly important to discuss so that people can see how others have had to deal with such things as transphobia and make people realise we can all do better to protect others or make certain changes to try and stop it from happening. so, i always try my best to do what i think is right. people are free to disagree with my methods if they wish but i don’t believe you can stamp out some of these problems by talking about it behind closed doors as no one will ever know what your thoughts on it are, you have no way of educating others and it can come across as unsupportive instead.

when i first decided to use my voice back in May to talk about what in my opinion was one of the bigger accounts within this community, i figured that i had opened the floor for conversations that needed to be discussed about cis-het people in lgbt+ spaces. instead i was met with anonymous messages telling me to harm myself, i received lesbophobic slurs and even someone attacking me based on the fact i had pronouns in my bio who assumed i was trans. this was an incredibly difficult situation for me and caused me to almost be “afraid” of my own account for months. i only began to feel comfortable again when the issue with that same person arose just a few months ago which resulted in them deactivating.

i’m aware there are people out there who are upset with me and others for what they feel is us “bullying” this person off the platform, but what i see is that lgbt+ people/accounts finally decided to keep our spaces safe and i see that people are far more comfortable now with that person gone, whether you like it or not, that is the truth of the matter. they made people feel invalidated, they encouraged violence against lgbt+ people and felt like everything they did was fine. it was not. it never was.

for some reason afterward, people began coming to me to tell me about other people within this community who perhaps didn’t address something or had been friends with that person. i personally struggle to talk to anyone who was friends with them because i know some of them saw the original issue back in May and could have spoken up to at least try and stop people sending death threats, but they didn’t. however, i don’t think these issues have a time limit for people to speak up nor do i think people should instantly go to hate anyone who doesn’t but rather ask them “hey did you see x problem, what are your thoughts?” and then base what happens next on their answer.

but i want to make something very clear, sending messages to people telling them to harm themselves etc. is never the answer. it only causes more pain and takes away the opportunity to have an educational conversation with that person to perhaps make them see that their views may be problematic.

i’m only one person, you know? do i believe that i have this “power” that anons keep telling me i do? no. i think that this community has for a long time been silent on important matters and thus me and a few other blogs being outspoken on some of the bigger accounts who either once were or still are in the community has shaken a lot of things up for people and some don’t like that. i think when addressing such issues as transphobia and reblogging posts from those who have to go through it everyday who maybe detail things they experience, some people have realised they too hold the same beliefs as those who are being called out and by default they feel called out also.

but please don’t ever compare something as dangerous, life-threatening and harmful as transphobia to me not mentioning another creator in an ask. those two are in no way comparable and dilutes the issue of transphobia massively when it has real-life consequences that i’ve personally talked about a situation close to me but also happens every single day unfortunately and we all can do far more/better to protect people who are trans.

i’ve since brought up situations where other creators have either said or done something that i feel is wrong and again, if they’re willing to share opinions that are transphobic or mocking being n/b-phobic publicly, i also think other creators around them have the right to call them out publicly. i won’t apologise for this because again, it can’t be solved behind closed doors as that furthers the silence people previously relied on in this community to avoid helping or supporting others. i think anyone who does believe these things should be discussed privately after the person made it a public issue should reflect on that a little.

as for me not mentioning a specific creator in an ask. it genuinely was not my intention to hurt them or anyone else by not mentioning them, i genuinely just don’t like to talk about people on others’ blogs but especially not if i don’t know the person and they don’t know me. i understand now how that looks bad on me, but i still stand by my choice as i genuinely do not see why it caused such a huge uproar after i had explained myself multiple times.

i have apologised to that creator personally and unfortunately there are other complications there which have made it hard for me to let this issue go, through no fault of their own but rather i just am very aware of how i have now fixated on this and i have to get myself out of that ultimately. but i want to reiterate here that there is no problem on my side toward them, i genuinely just do not like to talk about others that i don’t know. i never have liked that as i’ve had it happen to me but there’s nothing more i can do about it now. i hope they’re able to see i meant no harm whatsoever as i hope the rest of you can but i understand if not.

i’m very aware that at least one of the anons from last night is someone who has previously attacked me on multiple occasions (same language etc.) and it does scare me a little bit that there is someone essentially just watching my account and waiting for me to do or say anything so they can strike and attack me but again there’s nothing i can do about that other than block them from sending asks (tried it) but if they continue to persist i don’t know what more i can do to protect myself from that.

i’ve opened myself up a lot here and i’m very proud of that because it’s something i struggle with, however, i’m also aware people can now use those things against me. but to see that someone mentioned my own relationship last night hurt me deeply because whilst i don’t mind talking about it, i also don’t wish for anyone to feel like they’re close enough to our relationship that they have the right to bring it up so casually as a way to try and hurt either of us or that any of you are entitled to an opinion on it because none of you truly know either of us or how our relationship works, nor will you ever from me at least. ultimately, no one has that right to mention our relationship but the both of us is my point. so don’t try and pull that with me, you won’t like the outcome.

i want to end this by saying that i’m fine and reassure you all that i’ve been able to let all of this go but the truth is i’m not fine right now. i always try to find a “fix” for any problems people have because i want to help everyone but i struggle to do so when it comes to my own ultimately and i also don’t believe there is a “fix” for this but rather i just have to come to terms with the fact that my values in wanting to stand up for others (which i will continue to do) or not wanting to talk about people who i don’t know have ultimately hurt others so i have to figure out a way to bring this back to a positive state for myself. i’m just unsure how currently but i’ll figure it out.

i apologise again for not mentioning a-nxny in that ask, it was not an intentional thing and i honestly did not think or believe anyone would find offense in it and had i known i wouldn’t have done that, but i do hope people can at least see this from my perspective a little bit and then it’s up to you whether you agree or disagree, again there’s no fix for this.

i am begging all of you who read this who maybe has sent hurtful things either recently or previously to please reconsider as that is never the answer and i do not condone anything of that nature whatsoever. if in future you see me talking about certain issues or if another creator does something problematic, don’t then go and harass them with asks wishing them harm. instead either approach them from an educational point of view or dont approach them at all. i am someone who this has happened with and had to get myself out of suicidal thoughts because of people doing this back in May, so don’t do it to someone else, please.

[sapphire-weapon]

aight fam i’ve turned off anon asks for the indeterminable future.

i know that my followers tend to prefer anon for whatever reason, and i am very sorry to those of you who have social anxiety and are afraid to send in asks logged in.

but i need a way to keep the bad actors out for the sake of my own sanity. my self esteem is in the toilet right now, and things like last night just twist the knife and make it worse.

please keep the following in mind at all times:

1) this is my personal blog. i get that most of y’all are here bc i post a lot of meta and theorycraft here, but at the end of the day, this is not a fandom blog. i am not a BNF, i am not a fandom celebrity. i am a person and this is my personal blog.

2) i use this space to vent and/or have fun. if you do not find my sense of humor fun and/or find that the things that i vent about personally upset you, please unfollow and possibly also block me.

3) i do not engage with other blogs in a negative manner. i do not send anon hate. i do not harass. i ask that you please extend me the same courtesy.

4) i’m just going to reiterate point #2 and point #3 in a combined manner: i do not tend to engage with or have my fingers on the pulse of fandom at large. i do not generally hold mainstream fandom opinions, i am not tuned into pop-fandom interpretations and headcanons and trends, and i generally find myself in a place of disagreement with people as a result. i form my own opinions and post those opinions. chances are that i hate the things you love and love the things you hate. and that’s okay. disagree with me constructively, and i’d love to have a conversation with you. but if my personal interpretations of shit pisses you off, upsets you, makes you feel targeted -- please leave. none of this is personal. please do not treat it as such.

i never thought i’d have to make a post like this because 80% of my shit remains untagged and i keep to myself, but. here we are.

for those of you who tend to veer towards the direction of anon asks simply because you dislike the idea of me posting your name publicly but still want to talk canon and fandom and characterization and theorycraft with me: please hit me up on discord instead so we can talk privately.

my discord is autoignition#4248

i tend to stay away from tumblr messaging because it’s laggy and buggy and i forget that it’s there 9 times out of 10, so discord’s really the best way to reach me if you’re uncomfy sending in logged-in asks.

[pawnshopsouls]

//Ok, so you all might’ve seen that I’ve been kind of slow in reaching out to people and getting back into threads, and today I finally realized why.

//So since the blowout that resulted in my hiatus, I’ve actually been really struggling to be more active and outgoing here. I’ve been fighting through walls of fear and apprehension that really seem to fit that RSD post I shared earlier.

//One of the things that I’ve been struggling with is first, forgiving myself for what I’ve said and done that hurt people - especially people I care about. Another is the painful belief inside me that what I posted regarding my hiatus wasn’t understood. I know some may have taken it as a purely political thing, a misunderstanding of the politics going on and why.

//But what was happening was that I was in anguish. I was in deep, fiery, emotional pain that was being compounded by every fear I’ve ever had about opening up to people both online and irl. The message that I was trying to convey honestly boiled down to this.

“No, guys, the point of this post isn’t that I need to be educated on politics and why people think the way they do about me and people like me.

“The point is that I, a "friend" of yours, am feeling unsafe, hurt, scared, and uncertain of who I can trust in a place that I once thought I might find some form of safety in from the horrible things going on in the outside world. That I, your “friend”, belong to a group that you and your peers are demonizing and actively advocating against to the point of "if you are or support [insert group/cause described in the hiatus post], unfollow me/i will block you."

“The point is that I now don't feel safe on my own blog because my views are different from yours and the majority of users here, and that there are folks dehumanizing people like me and advocating for people to block (hard block or softblock) people like me because of our differences.

“I now can't be sure who are actually my friends or and who’ll leave once they know what i am or find a matter we disagree on. I don’t know how to bring myself to talk to people who are different from me because of my fear of causing upset and undue stress for both of us. I don’t know if I can be friends with people who are different from me or if I’m one of those undesirables who they don’t want following them. Bc of this I’m afraid to talk about fun stuff without risking something bad happening between me and people I thought I would be safe with.. because of who I am.

“But the thing is… I'm not a different person just because of politics or a political lable. Bc no matter political label might be above my head, I am still the same person here and irl that you have known for months or for years. And in all that time, have I ever once shown you hostility or treated you badly? I mean, yes I’ve made mistakes with my misguided vague blogging spawned by not knowing how to deal directly with situations at hand, but have I ever been intentionally awful to anyone?

“If I have, please let me know so I can change and be a better person. Please help me be a better person and let me know that I’m safe with you.

"Tl;dr;; I'm not okay. I’m scared and hurting and I don’t know who will be my friend now. I’m trying to be a better person but I don’t even know if it matters."

//It has been a week since everything happened that led up to my hiatus post and honestly, I do have a part of me that’s still not okay. But even with that part not being okay, I received an amazing amount of support and understanding from my followers and mutuals - including the ones with whom I disagreed. The love that was shared to me made me realize that I’m more than a political label to people. I’m more than just some rando on the internet. I’m a human being who is loved and appreciated even in the face of disagreements.

//So honestly, I’m writing this to thank you guys. Thank you so much for being here for me, for not hating me, for help ing me be a better person, and forhelping me accept hat just because I’m different and have different views and opinions, doesn’t mean I’m a monster or don’t deserve to be here. Thank you so much for putting up with my manic days, my bad days, and my mis-steps. Thank you for interacting with me and letting me interact with you even if we disagree on things. Thank you for caring about me beyond the rp and the politics. Thank you for sharing this adventure of being in the rpc with me and for sharing your adventure with me too.

//Thank you so much, all of you.

//And to those I hurt, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I have never meant to hurt anyone and I know that sometimes I do even without meaning to. I promise I am trying to do better, to be better, to be a better friend than I have been and a better person too. I hope one day you’ll forgive me for the harm that I caused, but know that you are loved, whether by me or other people in your life. You are amazing and I’m so sorry for any hurt I may have caused. 

//But yeah, that’s what I wanted to say.

//I hope you guys have a great night and I hope tonight that you feel the love I and your other friends have for you. Stay safe and know that you are loved <3

[multiipl]

*; OOC » I wanted to exclude myself from any kind of drama, but with a lot of drama surfacing on my dash recently I just have too big of a trap to shut. This is not about any person or any incident in particular. This is about the poison that is call out culture.

As it may come to a surprise (or not) I am very much charmed by Heinrich Heine and his poetry/writing as he followed me through my life. (More literally than you can imagine. Moving on.)

There’s a famous sentence Heine wrote.  "Dort, wo man Bücher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen" -- Now I know not everybody speaks German, and I don’t expect you to, so let me translate it for you. You might have heard of it.

"Where they burn books, they will in the end also burn people."

What does this have to do with Call Out Culture, you might ask?

Most of the time I see callouts or hate it is often directed at someone (a person) for something fictional (A book). Call Out Culture largely supports the act of shaming the person and their piece of fiction at the same time. They are trying to burn the people and their books.

Most reasons people have been called out, as far as I have observed over so many years, on Tumblr is closely tied to a fictional character, topic or scenario that someone else does not agree with. This someone else doesn’t have to be just one person. It can be, but it’s not limited to one person. I will continue to refer to that group of people as ‘someone else’ or ‘SE’ as I go along with this. Furthermore, the accused people will be referred to as ‘the shamed’. Just to keep it clear who I am talking about.

Often times, this someone else attacks the shamed for something trivial. Shipping something SE doesn’t like. Roleplaying a character that has been deemed problematic, sometimes rightfully so, roleplaying dark topics or triggering content.

Someone else is not afraid to boldly accuse the shamed and their piece of fiction in any way shape or form that can and will harm them. Why is it, that they do it? Because someone else disagrees with the shamed.

There is however another vital point, and that is key. You are NOT forced to engage with people or fiction that make you uncomfortable. You are free to remove yourself from the situation at any given time. The anonymity we are granted on the internet, that many of us uphold, is a blessing and a curse. 

If you disagree with someone, if you see something you do not want to see, you can remove yourself from the situation and prevent contact with that person or the media. Many platforms offer you the option to block people and to blacklist their URLs and tags. 

Nobody forces you to follow someone who roleplays topics or themes that upset you. Nobody forces you to have someone who roleplays topics or themes that upset you follow you either.

You are responsible for exposing yourself to the things you see and the people you follow. You are not responsible or entitled to put the shamed into ‘their place’, because most of the time, ‘their place’ is your comfort zone. 

The shamed gains nothing by getting groomed to fit into SE’s comfort zone. The disagreeing party that calls out the shamed is doing so to expose the shamed for their wrongdoings that could have oftentimes been prevented by making use of the “block” function Tumblr provides. It is the most efficient way to keep someone else’s and your comfort zone discomfort free.

The shamed gets attacked for their choice of word, character, topic. While the initial problem is the fiction that upsets someone else, they forget that the shamed is a real person that gets hurt in the process of those Callouts or negative commentary. 

It is not someone else’s choice what other people are allowed to write. It is, however, someone else’s choice what they themselves want to see and expose themselves to. If they fail to protect themselves taking the measures of un-following, blacklisting, and/or blocking, it is not the shamed to blame for their choice of fiction, it is someone else’s blame.

Someone else is accusing the shamed of inhumane acts based on their choice of fiction. In doing so, they are doing something as inhumane as their claims: They are hurting and upsetting an actual person. For what? Self-proclaimed Justice?

Call Out Culture supports mob-mentality that turns bystanders, that had nothing to do with someone else’s issue, into an opponent to the shamed, a person they haven’t previously interacted with, and by default, everyone that stands by the shamed’s side.

I’m not saying there aren’t justified cases of Callouts. If the shamed themselves has actually done wrong, e.g. purposely deceived, abused, manipulated, or even blackmailed other people, or inflicted physical or mental pain/trauma onto people, they deserve to be put on the spot.

It is important to separate the shamed from their fiction. The fiction can be problematic, but that does not mean the person behind it has to be equally as problematic. What is important is respect. Respect for other people. Respect for their boundaries, their preferences, their triggers, etc.

We are hundreds and thousands of people on this website. We can not expect everyone to know everything about our preferences and triggers. The only person who can keep ourselves save online is each and every one of us individually for themselves. 

We are all online. We’re all here. We are not in court. Nobody is entitled to perform the task of bringing others to (self-proclaimed) justice for the fiction they engage in. I want everyone to remember they are not obligated to interact with people that make them uncomfortable. Nobody owes anyone an apology for stepping away from a situation that is attacking their personal comfort.

However, the shamed are often not allowed or able to step away from the situation once they have been called out. They will have too many hateful people to deal with. The only way they are able to step away is to leave Tumblr and maybe other platforms for good.

I want to thank anyone who has made it to the end of this. I’m truly grateful, trust me. I know this is a very long post and lots of people will probably not react to it since the tags I am using are often blacklisted and will hide the post, which is a perfect execution of the point to protect yourself from things you do not want to see.

As of now, June 19th 2020, 1:06 AM, this is my personal statement about why call out culture is problematic itself. People are free to reblog this and share their opinion, thoughts, support, disagreements, everything, regarding the matter and topic of this post. There is just one thing I want to ask of everyone at any time:

Please be considerate towards people. Thank you.