#i am out here like t swift me music video

[marsprincess889]

Ketu placement and your most core self

So i want to talk about my personal experience about an artist I love, how she has been haunting me throughout my life and about how art imitates life.

I have ketu in jyeshta nakshatra,(and shoutout to all my 2002 babies with ketu in jyeshta, love u) and at age 10 i discovered an artist whose name i've heard of but never knew. I clicked on a song that youtube recommended called "Back to December" and i really do remember it so clearly, how natural it was and how i wasn't thinking as i branded Taylor Swift (sun in jyeshta) my favourite artist. I remember explaining passionately to my dad why I loved this song and how it differed from RED and how those songs were my safe space because while i had to try hard for anything else, this was natural and easy and just perfect.

Here i credit claire nakti, who you should know if you're interested in vedic astrology. She made a video about ketu and creativity and one's "daemon" that is really worth checking out.

Moving on, ketu is your creative, primal energy that is unaware. It's the headless body, the tail of the serpent, our past, where we come from, what is natural for us, past lives and untamed power. For example, as a ketu in jyeshta native I've always felt close to the hero archetype (I even wrote a song about that around that time), the poor orphan who rises into the world, the brave soldier who outsmarts everyone, the survivor, the winner against all odds, the grumpy independent individual, and even as a young girl, the archetype of the eldest daughter, which I actually am. I've always felt a little masculine at my core, and this explains why, as jyeshta is very masculine. All these archetypes I associate with jyeshta.

Jyeshta is known as "the best". You can only be the best if everyone else is worse, so we have the theme of competition. Jyeshta is located fully in Scorpio, and is very much about the occult side of life. It's shakti (power) is "to rise, conquer and gain courage in battle" (multiple sources). I know personally that jyeshta will never let you win an argument or back away from tension, the exception is only when there's no need to. My jyeshta moon cousin makes me so mad because he's always trying to lecture me to appear smart. That's definitely a more negative manifestation of its energy.

Anyways, in her video, claire nakti says that if you feel drawn to some art, it's been most likely created by someone with their primary placement in your ketu nakshatra. Now, this is not a rule, as I've definitely liked other artists, but Taylor's music felt too personal and custom-made for me, like she knew my taste and life from inside out.

Flash forward to summer 2019 and Taylor has released Lover, I'm sitting on a hill and cannot believe how Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince is so perfect, so me.

I went through my reputation era when she went through it, i went through a personal rebirth as she released Lover, I felt depressed and alone when I finished my school and she released folklore (tbh most of us did(SOLIDARITY TO CLASS OF 2020 MAKE SOME NOISE)) . Around that time I disovered Dickinson(a tv show) and here is my next point.(?)

Dickinson stars Hailee Steinfeld(jyeshta sun) as Emily Dickinson(also jyeshta sun), and it's about her life, yes, but mostly it's about Emily's creativity. There's a character called death that I believe relresents Emily's daemon(watch claire nakti's video for more clarity, but basically it's the opposite sex version of you, your creative self, and is represented by your ketu). Death appears whenever Emily feels different, like she needs time alone to herself and rides with him in his carriage, he also empowers her. Interestingly, Hailee Steinfeld's ketu is in Uttara Bhadrapada, which is Wiz Khalifa's(death) moon. That, in my eyes, solidifies the theory that he's representing her daemon.

I had discovered claire nakti recently at that time and also discovering this art that felt very personal to me was a little overwhelming, not to mention that i was going through a VERY stressful time in my life. As i grew so did my creative energy and I reached a certain block, but now I look at my art from that time and it's so... raw and pure and true. Tbh that time was extremely traumatic for me and it's traumatic to remember it but hey, I'm so much better now. I started my ketu antardasha at that time and it ended in february 2021. Still hard to remember yes, but I heard ketu dashas always are, you always come out more beautiful and true out of it tho 🙂.

So, be careful with ketu energies, they're not for us to misuse. There's always Venus after ketu so it's another reason to smile.

Please interact with me if any of this was interesting or felt familiar. Not all posts are going to be like this, in fact, I think they're gonna be more rare. This was a really serious post and brought up some stuff in me ngl. I really didn't deserve to go through the trauma, nobody does. But it's not all consuming, it was nothing really, it was just traumatic at the time. Anyways this is becoming a lot so wait for more aesthetic posts, I'm venusian after all 💖💖💖 love u guys, take care. 🤍

[hansolmates]

you good? | 04

banner by @theluttleprince

summary; hansol vernon chwe is crying at his doorstep like a taylor swift music video, and you’re for some reason there to help  pairing; hvc / reader (f) genre/warnings; neighbors to friends, friends to lovers!au, slice of life, fluff, angst, mentions of sex, tw—cheating, mentions of pregnancy related to cheating, profanity w/c; 1k a/n; thank you god of music [masterpost]

“It’s him, isn’t it,” Jihoon juts his petal pink lips towards the door next to yours, and you can’t help but slap him on his chest. “You have a crush on him?” 

“Had a crush, had,” you pout, pressing your back against the open door frame of your apartment. 

“Once a crush, always a crush,” he reaches over to wipe the sweat off your brow, flicking his thumb over your flushed cheek. “Was he the friend you had over for dinner the other day?” 

“What will it prove if I say yes?” 

“It’ll prove that I have competition,” he teases, pinching the apple of your cheek. 

“Stop it,” you whine, tugging at the waistband of his haphazardly reapplied sweatpants. They're barely hanging on his hips, as you two were rushing to reclothe due to future commitments. 

"What?" He laughs, "he seems like a nice guy. A little crazy for trying to move out at 5AM last week but I feel for him."

"I don't even know anything about him, at least not anymore," you frown. To be honest, you don't even know the aftermath of what went down with Vernon and Yoojung. You really want to, but you don't feel like you're on that level to ask any follow up questions. Which brings you to your next point, he's getting over a long term relationship that ended messy. There's no way you could entertain a crush while he's still crushed. 

"But you want to," Jihoon nudges you close, and pulls you into a hug, "no shame in that." 

Jihoon's grasp feels so familiar, your arms fitting in all the right spots and your head tucked snugly in his shoulder. You peruse the thought of pursuing your landlord, it would be so easy. You suppose, you're already compatible both physically and mentally. It's just the pesky issue of trying to develop feelings. 

The door next to yours opens and you squeal, pushing yourself away from the embrace. You pushed so hard, hard enough that if Jihoon didn't grab you by the arms you'd be knocking your back against the wall. 

"Oh, hi guys!" Vernon is tugging a gigantic garbage bag outside, one lanky leg propping the door up and the other leg stretching to get the trash bag out. 

"H-hi Vern!" 

You can feel Jihoon’s smug grin, knowing that you’re acutely aware of both boys staring between you like an Oreo sandwich. 

“You good?” Vernon asks, tilting his head between the two of you. 

“Ah, yeah. Just had to fix a leak,” Jihoon shrugs, and you want to choke at the way it’s so easy for him to lie, “but we’re all good now.” 

“Cool. Actually, now that you mention it,” Vernon tugs with all his might at the trash bag, and with a big ugh! It’s out the door and into the hallway, “I noticed that my shower faucet is a little loose and sometimes it causes more water to leak out? Everytime I try to tighten it I feel like I’m gonna break it.” 

“That’s ironic, her leak was also in the shower.” 

What the actual fuck? 

You turn away from both boys, stare at a speck at the ground so you don’t get caught. Jihoon really wants you to die, right here, right now. 

“I can take a look tomorrow, is two good?” 

“Sure—wait, AM or PM?” 

“You really want me to come in at 2AM?” 

“Op, my bad,” Vernon chuckles, “two’s good. Text me when you come down. Let me know if you want pizza or something. You good with pineapple?” 

“Pineapple’s great,” Jihoon agrees, “I’ll see you then.” 

“Thanks Landlordie, you’re the best!” 

While the two of them talk like long lost friends, you’re spiraling. Of course, there’s no way that Vernon could know the double entendre Jihoon is trying to pull. Yet, it starts to make you paranoid. Your back pinpricks, and you think back to not an hour ago when you two were in the shower. I mean, the shower is on the opposite side of the apartment, there’s no way he could have heard you, right? 

“Good night hyung,” Vernon’s voice breaks you away, and you notice that Jihoon is already down the hall, waving the both of you goodbye. “Good night neighbor,” Vernon says, quiet and reserved for you. 

You tack on a smile and watch as Vernon catches up to Jihoon to the trash room, dragging the trash bag with a sharp metal object peeking out of the corner. “Night,” you reply, waiting until both boys are out of the floor before going back into your apartment. 

Letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, leaning against the door and letting the cool surface calm you down. 

You are so confused.

[culpeppercheckers721]

Turn Week 2024– Day 4: Set It To Music

Get ready, this is gonna be a really long post methinks!! 🤠 Also I just rewatched the last two episodes of Turn and am still in emotional shambles from that, so please bear with me.

AS SAID: I warn you that this is a very long post with lots of links, and also that this turned out way less hinged than I mean it to jfc (then again being unhinged was my whole goal on here so) 😀

Since I am such a degenerate for setting the things I love to songs, I believe that I shall break this up into odd little sections:

Songs for certain scenes:

The Night Boat

Though this may not be incredibly specific, every time I hear this song, I can picture so clearly every scene by the dark, blue waters of frog’s cove, and can see Caleb approaching in his literal, well, night boat ;) Also if you know me well enough you may already know I have a weird thing when it comes to Turn & Duran Duran— their music is excellent for creativity for me (and also, as much as I love the original version of Night Boat above all, here I use the Danse Macabre version as it’s simply spookier, and better for this vibe ;))

Fuel to Fire

Alright, a little bit of canon, and a little bit of AUs all in one. Though there is already a song playing in this overall scene, some individual moments from it, and just Abe & Townsend’s energy around each other this season in general just screams this song to me. If you recall season one of Turn, you may remember a montage of Simcoe terrorizing Setauket in Against Thy Neighbor while a rendition of a song called Katie Cruel played in the background, sung by none other than Agnes Obel, so she already has Turn vibes considering her music has literally been featured in the show! And even if she hadn’t, the lyrics and the energy of this is so unshakable to me, I cannot imagine ever listening to this song and not thinking about Abe & Robert or at least Turn in general, and not to mention, as some of you may be familiar with, a literary masterpiece by a similar title (Like Fuel to the Fire, I beg of you go read it).

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Ok I know this is even less historic-feeling than the ones included so far, but here me out. I can’t exclude this one because of how much the end of the Nightmare intro, when Abe goes “it’s rainin’” makes me think of this song every time. This scene and this song alike both contain the rain symbolism, they’re both about mourning a father, and ALSO Jamie Bell literally stars in the music video of this song which I find very ironic!! So no, I could not exclude this one. 💕

Songs for specific characters:

Right Where You Left Me

Annlet shippers, I am not trying to hurt y’all, and I know everyone uses Taylor Swift for everything but uh. As arbitrary as most of these lyrics are, for some reason I can picture either of them just sitting in Rivington’s, frozen and thinking about one another and what they’ve done, to this song. And it is depressing but kind of intriguing. So if I hAVE TO THINK THAT SO DO YOU.

Touchy Feely Fool

Wow so much Abraham. Call me what you will but the FIRST time I heard this song I thought about Abe. I cannot help it. It’s hard to explain it, but this just. Reminds me of him so much. Especially when you think about his relationship with Richard, juxtaposed with “maybe someday when I’m older, I’ll be better off like you, I’m better off a stick, I’m better off a stone, I’m better off a jerk, I’m better off alone…” etc. I know I am FUCKING INSANE BUT THE ABE ENERGY IS UNSHAKABLE TO ME. HAHSHAHS. Anyways, attached is an extremely shitty old edit I tried to do for him with it, once again feat. copious Townhull vibes. As you can see it did not go well, and many things went wrong, but now’s as good a time as any for me to post it. As another wise Turn fan once put it: I may be fucking crazy, but I am free.

Songs for AU shit:

Familiar

More Agnes Obel for you! I know this is really unoriginal, I’ve seen a few people relate this song to Townhull in the past I think, but like. I just love it so much, and I can see the vision lmao.

Love Like Ghosts

Keeping with the weird-ass ghost motif, we end, for now, with another song that has the right vibes for a Townhull AU of mine, specifically when it comes to the events of Mended, I think; time for some good old Lord Huron. I hesitated to put this on a playlist for them at first because I really wasn’t sure if it actually fit, but for vibes alone, and this particular scene in such a plot… yeah. ;) If nothing else, the “spirits” that follow Abe could be that of his brother’s memory, and plus, the title and chorus— “love is like ghosts”— is simply hauntingly poetic to me ;)

Was really hoping to get this post up before midnight, but alas, here we are. Anyways, happy late 4th of July to all those celebrating, and even if you are not celebrating, I still hope you have a wonderful evening!! ❤️🤍💙

[icanseethefuture333]

whats the tea on olivia rodrigo and taylor swift's "friendship"? 👀 how does olivia feel about her idol now, she had to pay 50% of royalties to her over song similiarities to cruel summer with deja vu

Is it just me who finds it problematic and weird how Olivia keeps getting caught in these copyright infringement scandals? Like girl how hard is it to give credit to someone or pay for the sampling 😭???

Taylor Swift & Olivia Rodrigo, friends or foes?:

Lmfao this is so dramatic but I had a vision of Olivia being hysterical and crying saying "Our friendship is over 😡😭!!!". She's really taking it to heart and feels this was a personal attack on her, when that it is not the case. To Taylor, this is just business, and she felt that she was being disrespected by someone who was supposedly her biggest fan. Taylor feels that she can be inspired by her, but it's not right for her to copy her. She questions how much of a "singer-songwriter" Olivia actually is. They are on really bad terms as of right now.

How does Taylor feel about Olivia?:

I feel that Taylor really appreciates the love and support that Olivia had given her all these years. She could see her younger self in Olivia and had high hopes for her. Taylor could of had possibly wanted to be her mentor? Or someone Olivia can depend on in the industry since she's seen the highs and lows of what the music business can do to people, especially Disney stars in particular. Taylor thinks what Olivia did was sneaky and could even think her behavior in general is very two faced. She believes Olivia acts as this sweet girl but then takes from other people to get what she wants or likes to take credit so she can get the praise. Once Taylor discovered the song similarities she deaded that shit immediately LMAO. Taylor did not care that Olivia idolizes her, she cares more about her craft more than anything, and will do whatever it takes to protect it. I heard "I worked hard for this, not you." (Period T.Swiftie!!! Go off T Swizzle 😂). She's not playing with Olivia fr. Taylor knew this situation would emotionally upset Olivia since she has such a strong attachment to her but she knows that she can't let her feelings get in the way of work. So Taylor had to do what was right and fight for justice. She feels guilty though and might reach out to her soon to try to patch things up. Taylor could be reading what people are saying about her on social media and after the court case, she feels like she needs to be alone to recover because disappointing someone so dear to her makes her upset. "It's either me or you, I have to choose me."

How does Olivia feel about Taylor?:

Olivia is absolutely distraught by this situation. She has looked up to Taylor for years and feels like the saying that "Don't meet your heroes because you'll be disappointed." is true, but I don't feel like that's what's really going on here. Taylor didn't do something to purposely go against Olivia and be spiteful towards her. It's just that she doesn't understand how serious this is. This is a business matter and a legal issue, you can't just graze over work just because you are friends with somebody. Olivia feels like since she is inspired by Taylor, that's why their songs are similar but she didn't actually intend to copy her. I am almost reminded of like those people on tiktok who promote themselves and caption their videos with "There's this new girl who sounds like Ariana Grande and blah blah her name is ___" Then it's their music and concept that looks and sounds the exact fucking same as the artist mentioned. It's really just a cheap and tacky tactic to gain more popularity. Being so "heavily" inspired by someone is problematic because you're not being yourself and you're copying off somebody's else's hard work. We don't need another Taylor Swift, we need to know who Olivia Rodrigo is. Olivia is being immature, she is still young so she is easily impressed by the fame, celebrities, etc, but if Olivia wants to make it in this business she really needs to grow up and find herself. She's in her 20s now and this is the age of self discovery. Olivia needs to find her own identity and learn about what makes her happy and what is her purpose as a musician. Otherwise this industry will chew her up and spit her out. As fast as she became famous, she will go downhill just as quickly if she doesn't get it together.

Could they be friends again? Were they ever truly friends?:

They were never really close friends because Olivia has this perception of Taylor that's not true to her. Olivia's view of Taylor could be really outdated. It's like a little girl who's missing her big sister. Taylor is not the same teenager with her curly hair and acoustic guitar anymore, she's a grown woman. So as much as they wanted to be close, it's just that Olivia can't get past her own assumptions of Taylor. With the Seven of Cups, their possibility of being friends is really up in the air. I honestly believe these two are going through some sort of karmic lesson right now. They are learning from each other about doing what's right. As much as Taylor is mad about what Olivia did, she is thinking of ways to reconcile with Olivia. Even though Olivia is in her feelings right now, she really misses her. So maybe in the future we could have hope and see if they will be on good terms again.

Channeled song: Do You Want To Build A Snowman? From Frozen ❄️⛄️ (Aw this is actually so sad, help me LOL 😭)

"Elsa?"

"Do you want to build a snowman?

Come on, let's go and play!

I never see you anymore

Come out the door

It's like you've gone away

We used to be best buddies

And now we're not

I wish you would tell me why!

Do you want to build a snowman?

It doesn't have to be a snowman"

"Go away, Anna 😔..."

"Okay, bye 🥺😞"

[karlie-what-you-want]

I'm going to try to word this correctly, because I'd like your take and I don't want my point to be misconstrued. The tldr is: I'm kinda bummed 1989 TV is such a commercial success. Here's the long of it. 1989 was my favorite album for a long long time and I was of course, excited to check out the vault. But I feel like these numbers are based on hype, not on product. Which is... fine, commercially speaking. Go girl, make those dollars. But... the result is a receipe. What perfomed the best for a long time is a record that was heavily branded by a stunt with a boy(band). What has now performed the best was a re record dropped in the middle of a tour that was completely overshadowed by the boybranding again. I feel like the rush was a mix of weird Haylor gossip thirst, football dude easter egg hunt, return of girlsquad branding... I admit, it stings that 1989 TV didn't even get a promo interview, a music video, or anything. (No, but we didn't forget the merch drops, tho!!) And it makes me sad, because... folklore, man. That had ZERO hype. Bam. There. And we ate that shit up. We loved THE MUSIC. I want the wild ride to be the music. And 2023 feels like Taylor has fully retreated inside the Taylor Swift TM persona and we're buying the TS Brand, not Taylor's music. What I was hoping for was: more 1989 vibes on vault songs, more "directed by Taylor Swift" creative expressions. What I got was: Ken and Barbie on tour. I'm sorry this is kinda rambly. I know anon asks don't take into account line breaks so this will be even more confusing. But. Yeah. I'm just a bit bummed out and I was wondering if anyone else was a bit disapointed, too? I mean. I genuinely don't know. Do people enjoy the soap opera and I'm the only one who's only turning up to check out the shoes Taylor wore in candids and for her artistic expression? Maybe I'm the weirdo. The market certainly seems to say I'm not in the majority.

Hi Anon 💕

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and I can absolutely relate! It can be really difficult to separate the stunts from the music on a mental and emotional level. It’s something I still struggle with occasionally, and when the music is something so personal to you, of course you can feel protective or even disappointed when the PR goes off the rails. That is completely valid!

It saddens me that any fan would feel the shine of Taylor’s actual work has been dulled by the PR schemes.

I, too, am surprised that we haven’t seen any music video for 1989 TV yet, but I’m also not completely convinced that the book has been closed on that front. Let’s wait together in hopeful anticipation 🤞

I don’t blame you at all for how you are feeling, but I think in times like these, the most helpful thing for me is to draw that mental boundary—whether it’s a boundary between the music and the PR, or myself and the PR. Sometimes, I just don’t check the news, or I scroll away quickly if I happen to see something. These stunts are a lot, so when I feel myself becoming overwhelmed, I really try to shut down my mournful thoughts with a “NOPE! That’s not good for me right now” and then scroll away, or shut my phone off, or turn on Taylor’s actual music instead.

I am in love with 1989 TV. I’ve had it on repeat since it dropped, and hearing the vault tracks especially makes me so happy. I feel like there’s a real story there—things we didn’t get to see when the album originally came out. I have to imagine that even now, there’s so much happening behind the scenes that we can’t know. I’m just grateful for the chance to peek a little farther behind the curtain for a period of time that was very special for the T Swift community.

Lastly, regardless of the PR stunts, this drop has been huge for Taylor. Perhaps we’ll never know for sure whether that’s because people have come flocking for her music itself or they’ve grown curious due to the over the top PR, but I have a feeling that Taylor doesn’t care much either way. I think she’s at peace with the way she gets her attention, because at the end of the day, people ARE listening to her music. If they saw her at a football game cheering on some meathead and got curious enough to check out 1989 TV, what they will discover is a woman with great intelligence, a depth of emotion, and an insane amount of talent. That is just to say, it will always be her music and talent that shines in the end.

I’m reminded of YOYOK, where Taylor sings I looked around in a blood-soaked gown and I saw something they can’t take away.

No amount of stunts or bad PR (or good PR!) will change her undeniable talent. Even better that 1989 is truly Taylor’s now. I just find it comforting that regardless of how people find Taylor or why they first buy her music, they will get to enjoy it for the beautiful work of art that it always is.

Sending love, anon! You are not alone in your feelings, I promise 💚💛💜❤️🩵🖤🩷🩶🤎💙

[wandaschaosx]

Just had an absolutely batsh insane dream

I woke up laughing lmao

so

It all started in a tennis court I was probably dropped off at against my own will, I looks around like damn this place boring af I want music.

So I see this speaker right ?

Crazy thing , I turn on some music and it’s playing and everything’s good , people vibe to it (as they should )

THEN THIS KID FROM MY SCHOOL COMES OUT OF NOWHERE

then it starts pouring rain so I decide to

Go outside ???, anyway there’s this really dark an ominous woods so I’m like “no thanks 😀” and then I go back and I hear this rap music that’s blasting at a frequency that could shatter glass and it’s none other than the spider verse soundtrack so I’m vibing until I realize it isn’t the spider verse soundtrack and it’s random rap that the kid from my school put on .

Everyone is PISSED so he starts getting all like “oh cry me a River and piss in it 🙄” so I’m all like okay rude and continue on.

It stops raining and I swear I literally blink and we’re all in this line, I see my friend (let’s call her watermelon I’m not disclosing any info sorry babes 💓)and I’m like oh “hey you here too” and she’s like “yeah lol “

Then I see my other friends let’s call her raspberry smoothie and I’m like omg come here (she’s in the back of the line ) and so I signal for her to come over and the person behind us gave us the nastiest look like I just 🔥ned his favorite store to the ground .

So I’m all like Oop sorry 😰.

I blink again and we’re in a tennis match

AGAINST PEOPLE FROM MARBLE FKING HORNETS

so I’m all like damn okay 😰 absolutely battling it out and then (hold on lemme Google sm real quick I forget his name )

ALEX

It’s Alex, alright so Alex is all like we should go upstairs lol and asks if we’re hungry (raspberry smoothie has disappeared and it’s just me and watermelon )

And me and watermelon look at one another like “??” There ain’t no upstairs to a tennis court wt-

AND IM TRANSPORTED TO A ROBLOX CLUB FOR A SPLIT SECOND WITH A TAYLOR SWIFT SHRINE IN THE MIDDLE (fearless era btw ) and I look around like

What

Then I see that other guy jay I think and we’re heading upstairs with Alex and Im like oh is this your uh

Room 😰

And their all like yeah lmao dwi

so me and watermelon are immediately getting bad vibes but like hey free food why not

By god’s grace

When I tell you

I walked in there

This room had the aesthetic of a back office in a GameStop that’s been running for 30 years on underplayed workers and road water . (I love GameStop absolutely no slander btw )

there was a really run down pc with a single chair (it looked like mine so I was all like ??wyd w my chair my guy ???💀)

and a bed with crumbs over it and a single closet

goodness gracious almighty if tony stark had not blessed me my soul would have been gone because when I opened that closet

It was a clear P L A S T I C T U B

of G R E A S Y P O P C O R N

with B T S McDonald’s fruit punch cups shoved into different areas of the popcorn

Looked like he really had to get in there to keep them in place ig

But I think what unsettled me more was that was the only thing in his closet

Like bon apple teeth or bonappetit as they say so my friends all like

What on gods green earth girl keep that in greasy groves

But I immediately say suit yourself because when in Rome am I right

5 star Gordon Ramsey approved I tell you

So me and watermelon sit down after that delectable meal and jay is sitting across from us and all of a sudden we’re on a plane??? Same positions but on a plane

And apparently I didn’t get the memo it’s 2023 because I saw myself in like 3rd person mode in a video game with raccoon stripes and the really stereotypical like 2000’s emo with the large bangs to one side and honestly I had no complaints

Beside the absolute horrendous lipstick I put on if you could even call it that

Lemme tell you sm, that lipstick came from the back trenches of early Sephora with a consistency so thick and melty I could have used it to butter a pan

So glad I didn’t taste it

All I’m doing now is “Oowhahahaah look at me emo ahaha “

Apparently my friend got a kick out of it and now I look like a single mother with her feral child

Then I woke up the end

[likeawolfatthemoon]

ttpd first listen opinions incoming:

fortnight- not what i was expecting at all but somehow exactly right???? like i was expecting poppy, angry, synth, with the signature post dreamy and it IS all of those things to a T but something in the narrative makes it more interesting and compelling. LOVE that she is continuing to be an author inspired by her own life. creating characters inhabited by her emotions.

the tortured poets department - ooooooooohhhhhhh oh no uh oh i was not looking out for this title track at all at it fucking HIT. who's gonna love you like me??? NO FUCKING BODY!!!!!! that's some shit. the bridge 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 about the ring 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 ohhhhh i'minsane im insane I'm snane whomstsg literally right here right now is wearing a ring on their left hand ring finger that is not an engagement ring and is not really anything but a desperate wish LMAO 🙋🙋🙋 TAYLOR I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU

my boy only breaks his favorite toys - ONCE I FIX ME HE'S GONNA MISS ME????????????????????? JAIL JAIL JAIL JAIL this is a fucking bop wrapped in mental illness wrapped in a gnarly relationship dynamic. pack her up, she's coming home with me!! i found the one!!!! i mean it's been a few minutes since i heard it bc i paused and i'm typing this up so i don't remember it exactly but the line about pull my string and i'll tell you how he runs bc he's scared of loved L M A O taylor youuuuu are mean to me specifically and i love you

down bad - naked and alone in a field in my same old town that somehow seems so hollow now they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 but also...is there going to be an alien music video. i'm being so dead serious, with the cosmic love and all the space mentions and beep boop spaceship sounds i deadass think the "naked and alone in a field" is gonna be used as an alien abduction metaphor in a mv ORRRRR i am high OR both! regardless: certified banger ✅

so long, london - .... wow. honestly i need more time to process that. not unexpected at all, but just so impactfully said and i can't remember any of it because every line hit me and knocked the last one out of my head. i need to listen 1000000 more times on repeat.

but daddy i love him - again not at ALL what i expected but oh my god???? i am so in love and so charmed by this song????? like hello country taylor 🥹🥹🥹👢 LOVE that we're flipping the convention of using religion in country songs and instead say um no actually keep your predatory misogynistic institution away from my body thx

fresh out the slammer - wearing invisible rings 😐😐😐😐😐 were they 😐😐 invisible... like 😐😐😐... the.. .😐 invisible string g 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐 this is not the cringe bop akin to vigilante shit i was expecting so i am simply processing.... so much. and like. i just have to say i love this album so much so far i love her

florida!!! - little did you know your home's really just a town you're just a guest in 🥴🥴🥴😵‍💫😵‍💫🥴😵‍💫🥴😭😭😵‍💫🥴 MAAAAAM!!!! I'M UNWELL!!!! IM GOING TO HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS IS A SONG CALLED FLORIDA FUCKING STOP IT SONEOBE STOP THIS WOMAN

guilty as sin? - more exploration of societal perceptions of female sexuality! and virginity! and masturbation! unpacking the religious trauma of christian girlhood!!! literally i am over the fucking moon.

who's afraid of little old me? - 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 THIS IS THE BITCH THIS IS MY NUMBER ONE IM NOT EVEN DONE BUT I CANNOT IMAGINE ANYTHING BETTER THAN WHAT I JUST LISTENED TO I KNOW THERE IS MORE BRAND NEW TAYLOR SWIFT MUSIC BUT I WANT TO LISTEN TO THAT ONE AGAIN RIGHT NOW

i can fix him (no really i can) - ummmmmmmmmm well. i liked some lyrics, i liked some music. i think this one is gonna be a grower lol

loml - fucking.........fuck. the absolute LYRICS in this bitch. my mouth is lit er a ly AGAPE !!!! i yet again need to listen to this one or twenty hundred more times to process, but also loss of my life truthers rise

i can do it with a broken heart - i like most of it! I could do without the "i'm so depressed i act like it's my birthday" part of the chorus even though i relate to it but also i just know it's gonna grow on me. right now tho.......

the smallest man who ever lived - OHHHHHH SHIT not to be that person but joe alwyn literally found DEAD IN A DUMPSTER sucks to suckkkkkk i just!!!!! damn

the alchemy - ��� she's a rebound song....iiiiiiii - hmmmmm. people who listened to leaks and have thus claimed the good lyric urls i just wanna talk.

clara bow - OH HELL YEAH. OH HELLLL YEAH. The Themes Of It All!!!!!!!!!!! hollywood/the media/culture at large just cyclically preys on young women. THE WORLD just cyclically preys on young women. hollywood is just holding up a mirror to the rest of society!! the rest of society is failing to realize the humanity of the offerings they're served!! PERFECT ALBUM CLOSER

now that i've taken 2.5 hours to do a first listen, a quick first ranking after hearing everything only one and seeing no one else's opinions:

1. who's afraid of little old me?

2. my boy only breaks his favorite toys

3. loml

4. the smallest man who ever lived

5. florida!!!

6. guilty as sin?

7. so long, london

8. clara bow

9. down bad

10. but daddy i love him

11. the tortured poets department

12. i can do it with a broken heart

13. fortnight

14. the alchemy

15. fresh out the slammer

16. i can fix him (no really i can)

[parthenbar]

Swifthood from a Dads POV:

I remember the first time I heard Taylor Swift back in 2006. I saw her music video for Tim McGraw. I can't remember the feeling, but it struck a chord with me because here is this girl singing about another legend. Not that is was bad, but I remember thinking that's a way to get people's attention.  I liked the song enough, and the songs that followed... but it was not on my playlist so to speak. Did they have those back then? My Daughter was born in 2004 so she was still too young to recognize music. By the time Fearless came out in 2008, I had a little Swifty in my mits. Fearless was great, and my Daughter was a huge fan. There are videos of her singing and me playing a toy guitar somewhere lol.  But I was still trying to figure out who Taylor was to me as a consumer of music. Her songs were catchy, but I didn't relate being a mid-30's guy back then. So she was always in my peripheral. I took her see the Fearless Tour and it was great. I took her to Speak Now in 2010 in STL,  and walked out thinking that was the best live show I've ever seen. I will get to ERA's later.  Speak Now was my ah ha moment.  Sparks Fly will probably always be one of my favorite songs. That video always hits me in the feels for some reason. But more importantly, it's when I realized how she could move people. How much she meant to her fans. Before then I would hear one of her songs on the radio and be like, that is a banger, but never "looked" for her songs. That was starting to change. I started popping in some T Swift tunes here and there. Fearless/Speak Now. Then came Red, 1989, Lover and so on. Again. she was still a lot in my peripheral. lots of good songs, but not relatable for me. felt the target audience was more teenage girl, young women driven, or my Daughter lol. Funny thing is, I rooted so big for her at award shows, got aggravated when media would come for her, said she was faking the surprised look at winning. Kanye's dumb ass interrupting her acceptance speech, where's Will Smith when you need him!  So lets fast forward to the current state. I took my daughter, now 18, just graduated, to her KC night 1 show as her grad present. I don't want to think about what I paid, but I knew she had a long Senior year, dealt with her first break up (still dealing with it) she's been heartbroken. Friends that were not the best at times. just a lot of "stuff".  She mentioned at one point, Taylor's been through it all with me. Screw the money, we are going to see The Era's Tour dammit. For one night, you are going to live your best life.  And like only Taylor can do, she killed it!  I can see you video, bringing back my new fave song of hers, Long Live on the Koi guitar. The memories man, the memories we made. I saw my Daughter post a pic on her Gram.. best night of my life. Mission accomplished. That concert. that concert ruined any further concerts for me.. unless it is.. Well Taylor.. lol.. I can't describe the energy at Arrowhead, the people, the costumes. the reactions. When she strummed the first 2 chords to Long Live people around me burst in to tears. I am near my limit here.  But I will end with this. Her music has been a constant on Spotify, TV version of course!  The last 3 months, I cannot get enough of people’s reactions on Tik Tok. I was in college when Princess Di was killed. I was a kid most of her life. But I knew she was always remembered for her heart, her love of people, and generosity.  I think Taylor is our modern-day Princess Di, she's just slinging a guitar!  I don't get too hung up on Celebs.. but I alwasy have my top 3 I'd love to sit down and have an old fashioned with. That list is now Taylor Swift, Rory, and Tiger. Lastly.. Thank you Taylor.. for being you. You are an beautful light in a sometimes ugly world. Also, Andrea/Scott, from a parent with a Daughter, thank you too! Parenting 101 :)

@taylorswift @taylornation #taylorswift #swiftydads #theerastour

[itsmaddienotmaddy]

OKAY okayokayokay

I genuinely ENJOYED this finale, (and the majority of 4B.) Do I have qualms? Yes, duh. I’m a judgy bitch. BUT IM JUST GONNA RUN THROUGH MY HIGHLIGHTS BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO NEGATIVITY IN THIS HOUSE TONIGHT

I fucking LOVED the fight scenes. The cheesiness, the fucking music choice, the SLO-MO, just the dramatics of it all. 

The LUTHOR ladies. I mean. Brenda and Katie obviously feed off each other’s energy and bring this wonderful, whip-smart snark and it COULD not be more delicious. 

J’onn and Nia working together and Brainy watching and getting flooded with his emotions and LOVE.

While on the love topic, Nia and Brainy with their cute hand holding. AND KELLY AND ALEX. They’ve been a B-plot and maybe it hasn’t been a big enough focus to warrant a huge emotional pull, but THEY ARE OUT THERE, being damn adorable and I, for one, cannot wait to see that blossom more.

Lena fucking Eve up. She hot.

Lena fucking Lex up. aka me as the t swift mom gif. that IS my baby and I AM really proud.

Game night? PARTNERS? “ALWAYS”??? FUck me right up. I am here for the angst and the tears and the drama and the yelling. AND you know WHAT? I am here for supercorp endgame. 

And I’m just gonna wrap it up with that picture, glass shatter. My original inclination was, ‘they better not use this to make Lena evil’. And now? Of course Lena Kieran has a flair for the dramatic. She doesn’t process her emotions. She puts them in boxes and drinks scotch and shuts people out. And her feeling all that while attempting to make Kara think she still doesn’t know? The amount of fucking content we are about to get.... (in five months, whatever.) 

I DON’T CARE. I AM EXCITED. Fuck me up Jessica Queller.

[everwisteria]

Dr. Taylor Alison Swift (Full NYU speech)

Hi, I'm Taylor!

Last time I was in a stadium this size, I was dancing in heels and wearing a glittery leotard. This outfit is much more comfortable.

I’d like to say a huge thank you to NYU‘s Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Bill Berkeley and all the trustees and members of the board, NYU’s President Andrew Hamilton, Provost Katherine Fleming, and the faculty and alumni here today who have made this day possible. I feel so proud to share this day with my fellow honorees Susan Hockfield and Felix Matos Rodriguez, who humble me with the ways they improve our world with their work. As for me, I’m 90% sure the main reason I’m here is because I have a song called ‘22’. And let me just say, I am elated to be here with you today as we celebrate and graduate New York University’s Class of 2022.

Not a single one of us here today has done it alone. We are each a patchwork quilt of those who have loved us, those who have believed in our futures, those who showed us empathy and kindness or told us the truth even when it wasn’t easy to hear. Those who told us we could do it when there was absolutely no proof of that. Someone read stories to you and taught you to dream and offered up some moral code of right and wrong for you to try and live by. Someone tried their best to explain every concept in this insanely complex world to the child that was you, as you asked a bazillion questions like ‘how does the moon work?’ and ‘why can we eat salad but not grass?’ And maybe they didn’t do it perfectly. No one ever can. Maybe they aren’t with us anymore, and in that case I hope you’ll remember them today. If they are here in this stadium, I hope you’ll find your own way to express your gratitude for all the steps and missteps that have led us to this common destination.

I know that words are supposed to be my ‘thing’, but I will never be able to find the words to thank my mom and my dad, and my brother, Austin, for the sacrifices they made every day so that I could go from singing in coffee houses to standing up here with you all today because no words would ever be enough. To all the incredible parents, family members, mentors, teachers, allies, friends and loved ones here today who have supported these students in their pursuit of educational enrichment, let me say to you now: Welcome to New York. It’s been waiting for you.

I’d like to thank NYU for making me, technically, on paper at least, a doctor. Not the type of doctor you would want around in the case of an emergency, unless your specific emergency was that you desperately needed to hear a song with a catchy hook and an intensely cathartic bridge section. Or if your emergency was that you needed a person who can name over 50 breeds of cats in one minute.

I never got to have the normal college experience, per se. I went to public high school until tenth grade and finished my education doing homeschool work on the floors of airport terminals. Then I went out on the road for a radio tour, which sounds incredibly glamorous but in reality it consisted of a rental car, motels, and my mom and I pretending to have loud mother daughter fights with each other during boarding so no one would want the empty seat between us on Southwest.

As a kid, I always thought I would go away to college, imagining the posters I’d hang on the wall of my freshmen dorm. I even said the ending of my music video for my song “Love Story” at my fantasy imaginary college, where I meet a male model reading a book on the grass and with one single glance, we realize we had been in love in our past lives. Which is exactly what you guys all experienced at some point in the last 4 years, right?

But I, really can’t complain about not having a normal college experience to you because you went to NYU during a global pandemic, being essentially locked into your dorms and having to do classes over Zoom. Everyone in college during normal times stresses about test scores, but on top of that you also had to pass like a thousand COVID tests. I imagine the idea of a normal college experience was all you wanted too. But in this case you and I both learned that you don’t always get all the things in the bag that you selected from the menu in the delivery service, that is life. You get what you get. And as I would like to say to you wholeheartedly, you should be very proud of what you’ve done with it. Today you leave New York University and then go out into the world searching for what’s next. And so will I.

So as a rule, I try not to give anyone unsolicited advice unless they ask for it. I’ll go into this more later. I guess I have been officially solicited in this situation, to impart whatever wisdom I might have to tell you things that have helped me, so far, in my life. Please bear in mind that I, in no way, feel qualified to tell you what to do. You’ve worked and struggled and sacrificed and studied and dreamed your way here today and so, you know what you’re doing. You’ll do things differently than I did them and for different reasons.

So I won’t tell you what to do because no one likes that. I will, however, give you some life hacks I wish I knew when I was starting out my dreams of a career, and navigating life, love, pressure, choices, shame, hope and friendship.

The first of which is -- life can be heavy, especially if you try to carry it all at once. Part of growing up and moving into new chapters of your life is about catch and release. What I mean by that is, knowing what things to keep, and what things to release. You can’t carry all things, all grudges, all updates on your ex, all enviable promotions your school bully got at the hedge fund his uncle started. Decide what is yours to hold and let the rest go. Oftentimes the good things in your life are lighter anyway, so there’s more room for them. One toxic relationship can outweigh so many wonderful, simple joys. You get to pick what your life has time and room for. Be discerning.

Secondly, learn to live alongside cringe. No matter how hard you try to avoid being cringe, you will look back on your life and cringe retrospectively. Cringe is unavoidable over a lifetime. Even the term ‘cringe’ might someday be deemed ‘cringe.’

I promise you, you’re probably doing or wearing something right now that you will look back on later and find revolting and hilarious. You can’t avoid it, so don’t try to. For example, I had a phase where, for the entirety of 2012, I dressed like a 1950s housewife. But you know what? I was having fun. Trends and phases are fun. Looking back and laughing is fun.

And while we’re talking about things that make us squirm but really shouldn’t, I’d like to say that I’m a big advocate for not hiding your enthusiasm for things. It seems to me that there is a false stigma around eagerness in our culture of ‘unbothered ambivalence.’ This outlook perpetuates the idea that it’s not cool to ‘want it.’ That people who don’t try hard are fundamentally more chic than people who do. And I wouldn’t know because I have been a lot of things but I’ve never been an expert on ‘chic.’ But I’m the one who’s up here so you have to listen to me when I say this: "Never be ashamed of trying. Effortlessness is a myth." The people who wanted it the least were the ones I wanted to date and be friends with in high school. The people who want it most are the people I now hire to work for my company.

I started writing songs when I was twelve and since then, it’s been the compass guiding my life, and in turn, my life guided my writing. Everything I do is just an extension of my writing, whether it’s directing videos or a short film, creating the visuals for a tour, or standing on stage performing. Everything is connected by my love of the craft, the thrill of working through ideas and narrowing them down and polishing it all up in the end. Editing. Waking up in the middle of the night and throwing out the old idea because you just thought of a newer, better one. A plot device that ties the whole thing together. There’s a reason they call it a hook. Sometimes a string of words just ensnares me and I can’t focus on anything until it’s been recorded or written down.

As a songwriter I’ve never been able to sit still, or stay in one creative place for too long. I’ve made and released 11 albums and in the process, I’ve switched genres from country to pop to alternative to folk and this might sound like a very songwriter-centric line of discussion but in a way, I really do think we are all writers. And most of us write in a different voice for different situations. You write differently in your Instagram stories than you do your senior thesis. You send a different type of email to your boss than you do your best friend from home. We are all literary chameleons and I think it’s fascinating. It’s just a continuation of the idea that we are so many things, all the time. And I know it can be really overwhelming figuring out who to be, and when. Who you are now and how to act in order to get where you want to go. I have some good news: It’s totally up to you. I also have some terrifying news: It’s totally up to you.

I said to you earlier that I don’t ever offer advice unless someone asks me for it, and now I’ll tell you why. As a person who started my very public career at the age of 15, it came with a price. And that price was years of unsolicited advice. Being the youngest person in every room for over a decade meant that I was constantly being issued warnings from older members of the music industry, the media, interviewers, executives. And this advice often presented itself as thinly veiled warnings. See, I was a teenager at a time when our society was absolutely obsessed with the idea of having perfect young female role models. It felt like every interview I did included slight barbs by the interviewer about me one day ‘running off the rails.’ and that meant a different thing to every person said it me. So I became a young adult while being fed the message that if I didn’t make any mistakes, all the children of America would grow up to be perfect angels. However, if I did slip up, the entire earth would fall off its axis and it would be entirely my fault and I would go to pop star jail forever and ever. It was all centered around the idea that mistakes equal failure and ultimately, the loss of any chance at a happy or rewarding life. -- This has not been my experience. My experience has been that my mistakes led to the best things in my life.

And being embarrassed when you mess up is part of the human experience. Getting back up, dusting yourself off and seeing who still wants to hang out with you afterward and laugh about it? That’s a gift.

The times I was told no or wasn’t included, wasn’t chosen, didn’t win, didn’t make the cut, looking back, it really feels like those moments were as important, if not more crucial, than the moments I was told ‘yes.’

Not being invited to the parties and sleepovers in my hometown made me feel hopelessly lonely, but because I felt alone, I would sit in my room and write the songs that would get me a ticket somewhere else. Having label executives in Nashville tell me that only 35-year-old housewives listen to country music and there was no place for a 13-year-old on their roster made me cry in the car on the way home. But then I’d post my songs on my MySpace and yes, MySpace, and I would message with other teenagers like me who loved country music, but just didn’t have anyone singing from their perspective. Having journalists write in-depth, oftentimes critical, pieces about who they perceive me to be made me feel like I was living in some weird simulation, but it also made me look inward to learn about who I actually am. Having the world treat my love life like a spectator sport in which I lose every single game was not a great way to date in my teens and twenties, but it taught me to protect my private life fiercely. Being publicly humiliated over and over again at a young age was excruciatingly painful but it forced me to devalue the ridiculous notion of minute by minute, ever fluctuating social relevance and likability. Getting canceled on the internet and nearly losing my career gave me an excellent knowledge of all the types of wine.

I know I sound like a consummate optimist, but I’m really not. I lose perspective all the time. Sometimes everything just feels completely pointless. I know the pressure of living your life through the lens of perfectionism. And I know that I’m talking to a group of perfectionists because you are here today graduating from NYU. So this may be hard for you to hear: In your life, you will inevitably misspeak, trust the wrong person, under-react, overreact, hurt the people who didn’t deserve it, overthink, not think at all, self sabotage, create a reality where only your experience exists, ruin perfectly good moments for yourself and others, deny any wrongdoing, not take the steps to make it right, feel very guilty, let the guilt eat at you, hit rock bottom, finally address the pain you caused, try to do better next time, rinse, repeat. And I’m not gonna lie, these mistakes will cause you to lose things.

I’m trying to tell you that losing things doesn’t just mean losing. A lot of the time, when we lose things, we gain things too.

Now you leave the structure and framework of school and chart your own path. Every choice you make leads to the next choice which leads to the next, and I know it’s hard to know, which path to take. There will be times in life where you need to stand up for yourself. Times when the right thing is actually to back down and apologize. Times when the right thing is to fight, times when the right thing is to turn and run. Times to hold on with all you have and times to let go with grace. Sometimes the right thing to do is to throw out the old schools of thought in the name of progress and reform. Sometimes the right thing to do is to sit and listen to the wisdom of those who have come before us. How will you know what the right choice is in these crucial moments? You won’t.

How do I give advice to this many people about their life choices? I won’t.

The scary news is: You’re on your own now.

But the Cool news is: You’re on your own now!

I leave you with this: We are led by our gut instincts, our intuition, our desires and fears, our scars and our dreams. And you will screw it up sometimes. So will I. And when I do, you will most likely read about it on the internet. Anyway, hard things will happen to us. We will recover. We will learn from it. We will grow more resilient because of it.

As long as we are fortunate enough to be breathing, we will breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. And I’m a doctor now, so I know how breathing works.

I hope you know how proud I am to share this day with you. We’re doing this together. So let’s just keep dancing like we’re…

… the class of ’22.

© Taylor Swift. (2022)

Doctor of Fine Arts

(Singer, Songwriter, Musician, Producer, and Director)

@taylorswift @taylornation

[shorkbrian]

Mafia

Prelude - HI!!!!! SO sorry I’ve been MIA lol I’ll explain later lol.

Pairing - Kirishima X Reader

Prompt - Idk I just needed to write something to get back into the groove.

Warnings - uhhh not really anything this time around, surprisingly lolol.

Music - too tired lol sorry

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oi, Shitty Hair! Open up.”

Kirishima bounced off his bed, phone in hand as he moved to open the door.  It wasn’t unusual for Bakugou to come hangout with him when neither of them were working, but Kiri knew that Bakugou had guard duty for the prisoner. Odd that he was pounding at Kiri’s door.

“Hey Bakubro, what’s u-“

The redhead cut himself off as he opened the door, eyes quickly zeroing in on the gagged-and-bound female in his friend’s arms. A confused glance to Bakugou’s face allowed a glimpse of the blonds feral smile, before Bakugou pushed past Kiri, shoving the captive forward and into the room.

“Boss is done with ‘em - stupid girl really was just walking home. He was gonna off her but decided not to. He saw the way you’ve been eyein’ the poor thing like a piece of fucking meat and decided you get a new toy. Said you’ve been doing a good job lately or some shit.”

The wheels were turning in Kirishima’s head as he followed his friend, watching the blond push the girl down onto the bed, snickering meanly as he watched her struggle. 

The poor thing had been walking - home apparently, after an exhausting shift at work - and had unfortunately taken a route that led her right into the middle of mafia territory. Kiri had been there that night, collecting debts and roughing up those who promised to pay later. He had seen the girl turn into the alley, watched as she meandered closer, not paying attention to her surroundings. The sound of a fist meeting flesh had startled her, head whipping up and taking in the scene before her.  A particular client had lied about their payments, and they were being threatened, blackmailed.  

The scared woman had barely run two steps before she was tackled to the ground.

She’d been held and questioned for about a week now,  the big boss wanting to make sure she wasn’t just a snitch for a gang, or the rival mafia two cities over.  It wasn’t surprising to Kirishima that it really was just a case of her being in the wrong place at the wrong time. She was about the most innocent thing he’d ever seen in his life. 

“How’d he know I wanted her?”

Bakugou scoffed, turning to the redhead with crossed arms.

“It hasn’t been exactly hard to fucking figure it out, Hair-for-brains. Every time it’s been your turn to guard her you get all excited like a goddamn puppy. Talking her ear off, smiling like a stupid fucking sap. It’s the most disgusting shit I’ve ever had to watch.”

Kirishima shrugged. Bakugou wasn’t wrong, but Kiri had been trying his hardest to be professional - big, mean, intimidating. He was a fucking mafia member, for gods sake. It looks like he had been a little too enamored to keep up his usual scary, manly exterior. Oh well, what’s done is done.

Bakugou was pushing past him again, leaving the female behind as he exited. He stopped at the door, turning his head to flash his friend a dangerous smirk. “Have fun with your little gift.”

—— You glared up at the redhead, the man still facing towards the door his colleague had just exited. The gag in your mouth had your jaw stretched uncomfortably wide,  forcing you to struggle to not drool. The rope binding your arms behind your back felt too tight, and it was itchy.  In short - you were immensely uncomfortable, made even more so by the blond man’s terminology when he referred to you. A toy? A gift? You were nothing of the sort. You were your own person, with a life,  a job, an apartment.  You weren’t a little plaything.

“Hey, I’m gonna take the gag off for you, ‘kay?”

The redhead, Kirishima, was by your side, seated next to you on the bed. You didn’t move, just watched as he gingerly began removing the cloth stuffed into your mouth. Each little piece he removed made your jaw ache a little less, the pressure easing up.

“There we go. Feel better sweetie?”

You shook your head, staring wide-eyed at the redhead. “Can you let me go home now?” You whispered, voice scratchy from disuse.  “I just wanna go home please.”

“I can’t let you do that. You saw something you weren’t supposed to, and my boss doesn’t trust people to keep information like that to themselves.  I’m gonna be looking after you from now on though, so you’ll be well cared for - you don’t have to worry at all.”

How comforting. 

The man was looking down at you, keeping his movements gentle as he began stroking your hair. You were too afraid to ask him to stop. You had seen what the redhead had been doing to that man, the night you had stumbled across them in the alley. If the man was capable of violence like that, he would have no problem crushing your skull like an empty soda can. You didn’t want to stay here.

“Sir, please… you can’t….. I have a job, a life! This is illegal, what about my family? My friends?”

“Do you think the Mafia has to listen to the law? Sweetie, we /are/ the law. We can get away with anything.” The man chuckled, before tugging you towards him, hands beginning to work at the rope around your arms. At least he wasn’t planning on keeping you tied up like that. 

You wanted to ask what the man was going to do with you, what he wanted from you, but you weren’t sure you’d like the answer. The past week had been hell, stuck in a dark, musty room. There was always someone in there with you, watching, guarding the door. Occasionally you would be thrown over someone’s shoulder (usually the large redhead’s) and carried out, walking down corridors and through rooms of what seemed like a giant compound before being deposited gently in a huge office, facing an intimidating looking man. The green haired man would grill you, ask you questions about who you were and what you were doing, what was you intent with the information you had  ‘acquired’ from that night. He didn’t seem to listen to your pleading, your begging to be let go. 

It frightened you when he brought out pictures, a file with your name on it, filled to the brim with information about you. Had someone been watching you? No, this group was just insanely good with computers, had access to private information and video feeds. All their information about you had been gathered in the time you had been there. The casual display of power had you trembling. This organization could ruin your life - could kill you and make it look like an accident. Hell, they could kill you, erase your entire existence. It’d be like you were never born. It was terrifying.

“How ‘bout I tell you my name, huh? I’m Kirishima, lots of people call me Kiri though.”

The last knot came undone, and your sore arms fell to your sides, heavy and tingling. You tenderly rubbed at the flesh, trying not to wince at the weird sensation as blood rushed to your arms.

“I already know your name, (Y/N). It’s so pretty, suits you really well I think.”

Of course the man knew your name, it wasn’t a surprise. He had been using it when he talked with you during his shifts guarding you. He seemed pleasant enough, but you could tell that the subtle bulge of muscle on his form was more than just for show. He was dangerous.

“Kirishima, sir, please. I just want to go home.” You were scared, trying your best not to break down, to tremble and cry. You just wanted to leave. Suddenly, you were pulled into a firm chest, big arms wrapped around you in a warm, crushing hug.

“Awh, poor sweetie. I know you’re overwhelmed. You’ll be okay though, you know?  It’s not so bad here.”

You didn’t want to stay here. You wiggled, suddenly uncomfortable in Kirishima’s embrace. The man relaxed his grip on you, sensing your sudden panic as you shifted away from him, rising from the bed to stand.

“What’s gonna happen to me - what am I gonna be doing? I can’t just- t-this is too much, I don’t know what’s happening or if I’m gonna-“

“I said you’ll be alright, okay?” Arms pulled you down, into Kirishima’s lap. You were still squirming, uncomfortable with the contact, uncomfortable with the hot air puffing gently against your ear. You didn’t like feeling his thighs under you, his big hands holding you still.

“You’re gonna be like a special little friend. You don’t have to do anything but stay here, in my room. We can talk, cuddle, I can get you some books to read when I’m gone working…. It’ll be nice.”

“Cuddle? I can’t- I won’t do that- You can’t make me-“

His grip grew bruising, ceasing your struggles as you felt your bones protest. It /hurt/, the amount of pressure he was squeezing your arms with. You felt his chin hook over your shoulder, and his sharp, shark-like teeth were flashing right next to your eyes as he spoke, tone low, dangerous.

“You’ll do what I say, got it? I’m not so nice when I’m angry.”

You sniffled, his grip relaxing as your posture did, the fight leaving you. “I just… I don’t understand. You don’t even know me.”

“Oh, but sweetie, I do!” His voice had regained that chipper, light quality. “I’ve learned so much about you! I’ve read through the file we have on you, and every new thing I learn just makes me like you more and more. You’re so pretty, so cute, I just wanna eat you up.”

“You can’t know someone just by reading about them. I don’t wanna be here, please just let me go. I won’t tell anyone about anything, I promise! Please? Just let me go?”

Kirishima stood up, picking you up with him. With a swift movement, he turned, letting you drop to the bed, face-first. You scrambled onto your butt so you could face him, feeling vulnerable with your back to him. The man was looming over you, cocky smile stretching his lips.

“No can do sweetie-pop.” The next second, he was up in your space, face inches from yours, hands planted on the bed near your hips. “Besides, we’ll have so much fun getting to know each other better.”

He surged forward, lips mashing against your own. 

You cried the first time he kissed you, and every time after.

[blysse-and-blunder]

I posted 6,049 times in 2021

57 posts created (1%)

5992 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 105.1 posts.

I added 2,406 tags in 2021

#the untamed - 647 posts

#cql - 563 posts

#mdzs - 345 posts

#art - 266 posts

#the untamed fanart - 165 posts

#medieval thangs - 159 posts

#music - 73 posts

#food - 72 posts

#lotr - 58 posts

#classics thangs - 58 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#getting up for any reason and realizing you’ve been in this fugue state for…so much longer and have delved so much deeper than you planned

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

borrowing my housemate’s cat for social media clout 2k21

19 notes • Posted 2021-03-20 01:33:13 GMT

#4

hamlet: i have of late, but wherefore i know not, lost all my chill

19 notes • Posted 2021-05-24 05:52:24 GMT

#3

aug 28, 2021 // can’t you see the sunset setting fast? and just like they say, nothing good ever lasts

24 notes • Posted 2021-08-27 23:19:57 GMT

#2

in lieu of a commonplace book is a phd candidate

4:30 pm, sunday, may 23, 2021

achievement UNLOCKED, exam passed, thank you thank you thank you to @pandolfo-malatesta and @girlfriendsofthegalaxy and everyone else who was kind and supportive, which is a bunch of you. i passed on thursday and then sort of gave up on having a physical form/passed out in the backyard for the next few days, ahahaha.

...what happens now... dissertation...proposal...(⊙_⊙;)

reading on the recommendation of Lady Wot I am Seeing (we talked and it’s official, i asked her and she said ‘yes’, hereafter ‘C’) i started Watership Down by richard adams this weekend. i had a whole little entry already written about it here, but i closed the page through some clumsy keyboarding and lost it, so i’ll just...i’m so here for the tolkien-esque dedication to the rabbits language and mythology. i got to the lines about the Prince of a Thousand Enemies and "first they much catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning,” and the rhythm here...just slaps, i can’t get over it.

listening i spent the last few days in the spotify pentatonix playlist, don’t @ meeee. their cover of ‘cheerleader’ has been stuck in my head, it’s so. happy? yeah. sorry the official video has such glee energy, i didn’t expect that and it’s making me very 🤦‍♀️

watching i may not have done much on friday and i absolutely overdid it with an ambitious bike ride on saturday, but i *did* manage to watch the first 8 episodes of heaven official’s blessing / tgcf and y’all. this show is gorgeous. i’m extremely into how they’re animating xie lian, his eyeliner is divine. i like his gentleness, too, the combination of kindheartedness and the hints of badassery; i like the shape the animators give to his eyebrows when thoughtful, concerned, etc. smarter people than i, i’m sure, have analyzed some of the strengths and weaknesses in the first few episodes, esp. the xuan ji / pei ming plot and how much attention is paid to xie lian in the bride’s clothes, but. my boy looked beautiful. also the palate for this show is incredible? screenshot from the credits to show you what i mean:

like, zoom in on this shit and tell me it’s not breathtaking.

playing dnd postponed this week, but we had player meetings with our incoming interim dm! one thing about this group, which i think i like, is that there has been a lot of sharing of dm-power, so various players have been able to take over for a campaign and the group as a whole has gotten to experience each other’s styles and also learn how to play in different roles. will i take a turn? that’s extremely t b d.

making i cooked dinner a few times, i uhhhhh need to repot this marigold seedling, i am not making anything consistently rn, i need to catch up on the many balls i dropped finalizing my fields prep. i will probably make some (dubious) music this weekend, recording final choir videos. those will never see the light of day (except to be sent to the sound-mixing wizards and buried among everyone else’s) but i mention them bc it’s a creative outlet, or w/e.

working on i’ve got to actually sign and submit the paperwork side of things to be ‘done’ with fields, but! i’m done with fields! i’m going to burn through some RA hours this week before the month ends, and then slap together a book history proposal in time to spend the summer on that. 16th century welsh book history / palaeography, my beloved? we’ll see.

25 notes • Posted 2021-05-23 21:22:40 GMT

#1

welcum iwys!

welcome to my personal blog, where it’s just always gawain and the green knight hours and we reblog aesthetic, fandom, and memelord shit on main like it’s still 2012.

stuff about grad school, life as a phd student, what i’m reading, etc. is part of the fabric of what we do here, and will be tagged #academia! (used to tag things either genuinely about life as an academic, and/or some degree of satirical/frustrated/amused about life as an academic) and #the grad tag (things to do specifically with my life as a grad student), but this isn’t meant to be a studyblr.

okay, it’s... not not a studyblr.

mostly, it’s a miscellany (hah) of things that have made me laugh, or think, not necessarily at the same time. reblogs are not necessarily endorsements, though, if i’ve seen a post several times, i’ll try to pass on the version whose comments i vibe with most.

blog url explanation here! weekly round-up posts now happening on weekends! and will be tagged ‘#in lieu of a commonplace book’; other tags to know here and include:

#medieval thangs: runs the gamut from the sublime to the ridiculous, but if it feels related to the Middle Ages, chances are I’ll use this.

#postry: started as a typo, but I embraced it. posts about poetry.

#amateur ling nerd alert: my interest in language and linguistics is sincere and largely untutored

#language: when something is relevant to the study or concept of language but not dorky enough to fall into the above tag

i reblog or queue posts on mobile a lot, which often translates to them not being tagged immediately-- i go back and add tags to keep things organized for myself, mostly; though if you need something in particular tagged so you can block it, i’m happy to oblige!

34 notes • Posted 2021-03-23 22:57:24 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[gaylorlyrics]

You Belong With Me

Verse 1:

You're on the phone with your girlfriend She's upset, she's going off about something that you said 'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do.

It’s worth point out that the “you” in this song is not gendered. It is assumed through the music video that Taylor is singing to a male, but that is not clear by looking at the lyrics alone. I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night. I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like. And she'll never know your story like I do.

YBWM is the first of many songs that employ a classic Taylor Swift trope, and a classic lesbian trope - wanting to date your best friend. In this specific instance the best friend in question is Emily Poe, Taylor Swift’s fiddle player early in her career. Long story short - Tay and Emily were bffs and inseparable, and there’s a ton of evidence that they were more than friends....some of which is covered in this analysis.

But she wears short skirts I wear T-shirts She's cheer captain And I'm on the bleachers Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find That what you're looking for has been here the whole time. The common reading of this chorus is that there are three characters - “she” (female), “I” (female), and “you” (male) - creating a heterosexual love triangle. However, there’s also an interesting way you can read this chorus with only two characters - “she” (female) and “I” (female). In this reading, she wears short skirts and is cheer captain, and Taylor wears t-shirts and is on the bleachers, lusting after the cool girl and waiting to the cheerleader to wake up and find that she’s been looking for Taylor.

Also @butididntpourthewhiskey did a great post on this, calling out that Emily was a cheerleader (I couldn’t find evidence of that, but I did find this pic of her dressed as one) and that she said in an interview that this song is about “feeling inferior to the coolest girl in school, um because she’s a cheerleader and she’s awesome”. Check out the great analysis in this link!

https://daisyswift3.tumblr.com/post/631524014950645760/you-belong-with-me-is-about-emily-poe-why-does

Here’s another pic of Tay & Emily in a bleachers/cheer captain environment:

If you could see That I'm the one Who understands you. Been here all along. So, why can't you see You belong with me, You belong with me. You might be like, okay, but prove this is about Emily. WELL. That brings us to the music video. You might remember this sweet part where Taylor holds up a sign to her window to tell her crush she loves him...

This perfectly matches the final frame of the very heartfelt goodbye video that Taylor made when Emily left the band (to read more on that check out my Breathe analysis). To me, this is too similar to ignore.

Walk in the streets with you in your worn-out jeans I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughing on a park bench thinking to myself, "Hey, isn't this easy?"

It’s also worth pointing out that in the music video one of the Taylors is in the band. Of course, Emily was in Taylor’s band.

And you've got a smile That could light up this whole town. I haven't seen it in a while Since she brought you down. You say you're fine I know you better than that. Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?

Given the timing of this song, I feel like this is a more introspective musing - with Taylor being pressured to start bearding during the Fearless era. This verse compares the freedom and joy she felt when being with Emily contrasted to the weight of being shoved back into the closet. Taylor herself has been brought down by the bearding. [Chorus] Oh, I remember you driving to my house In the middle of the night.

Here we have some classic Taylor Swift imagery of sneaking around with your lover - something that is seen in almost every Taylor Swift song: “sneak out to the garden to see you”, “snuck in through the garden gate”, “I know places we can hide”, “you’re love is a secret”, etc. This leads us to the question - why do you have to hide your love Taylor??? 

This line also sort of relates to The Way I Loved You, you can read my analysis here, when she says “2 AM and I’m cursing your name” - again, why are you always sneaking around in the middle of the night?!?!

I'm the one who makes you laugh When you know you're 'bout to cry. I know your favorite songs, And you tell me about your dreams. Think I know where you belong, Think I know it's with me.

One last thing about the music video and something that comes up in @butididntpourthewhiskey’s analysis.

In the music video Taylor literally plays her own villain. There are two versions of Taylor, one who is the “cool girl” who gets everything she wants, and one who is vulnerable, innocent, and irrevocably in love. They can’t both win. This represents the two people Taylor has to be, the straight Taylor that the gp knows, and her real self.

[Chorus]

[namjoonchronicles]

please | jm

↳ genre angst, established relationship

↳ words 3k

↳ summary there’s always setbacks in married couple. it had been quite clear that you and Jimin don’t see eye-to-eye about certain things and habits, but the secret to long lasting marriage, is how you fix what’s broken.

↳ warning mentions of miscarriage

↳ song taylor swift ‘champagne problems’, dean lewis ‘waves’, rihanna ‘complicated’, olly murs ‘you don’t know love’

Fast steps dashing across the hallway, the bathroom door blasted open. A pair of knees wearing damaged jeans, kneeling over the toilet. The toilet seat whacked open, hand gripping its sides dependently. He wretches. His torsos strained and his veins began to pop. Wet, frothy sound hits the water in the toilet bowl. You sped to the toilet, rubbing his back up and down, passing him a towel. But he wasn’t done. He continued to hold the toilet brims, vomiting every content in his stomach. The smell of alcohol wafted around the extent of the room. You hate to see him like this. It wasn’t a majestic view. With half his head buried in the toilet bowl, his ‘young & forever’ tattooed in the back of his arms, it wasn’t a pretty view at all. 

Flickering light on the hall. The stillness in the air. With the fridge light lighting the way, you pour a glass of water for him. When you return to the bathroom where he is, he is seated, backed away from the toilet bowl, leaning against the wooden cabinet door. Dirty blonde hair, loose white shirt and torned jeans, he wipes his mouth with the towel you gave. He glanced to the side where you stood idle, and flashed a cunning smile. Jimin dropped his gaze on his propped knee then let the back of his head hit the wood. Then he laughs, chuckling through his nose. But not in the way you know as happiness, more like bitterness. It reminded you everything Jimin is, was. He reeled you in with that same smile and that same pain. The way he charms, the way he spoke and the way he looked at you, he knew what he was doing half of the time, but this time, you took the time to figure out who, what he is. 

He had been feeling dreadful; half of himself all the time. Felt the need to fill the void inside him with as much alcohol he could, just to feel something. He comes home to you, but you’re not here. He needs the music louder than he thoughts so he frequented the clubs. He could have any girls he wanted in the place, but it wasn’t what he looked for. If anything, he was lonely but none of these companions would have suffice. He was afraid that if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop. Isn’t it enough hurt he’s caused you? With you pulling away at every advances he made, and the stranger in the bed situation every time he returns home to you alone, he gets frustrated from the thing you couldn’t talk about. 

To make matters much worse, he’d rather live like his dying next to you than live without you. It’s a puzzling thing, love. How it gutted you out and filled you in. How it makes you feel alive and dead at the same time. The things you would do for the ones you love is limitless. Death of love. How it seemed inevitable. 

You put on a toothpaste on his toothbrush, help him clean up. Took his shirt off, unbuckled his belt for him, and had him shed his jeans. Jimin never once took his eyes off of you when you did this. But he didn’t say a word. If he did, he must have said it in his head. It felt like he was raking your brain apart to put himself together. If anything, love was disdained in this household. When was the last time you held him? Or spoke to him? Or kissed his lips or loved him? Those days felt so far away. As you put away his clothes into the front load washing machine to wash, you protest that love too; is putting away one's clothes, is taking care of them when they’re drunk and half loved. He stepped into the shower, stood under the running water.  The hot steams of the water wafting up the ceiling, and he sighed. Water cascading down every inch of his skin, through his hair, down his earlobes, along his jaws and under his chin. Dimples of Apollo and Adonis belt well defined, he leans his forearm on the wall and lets his thoughts run. He mulls over how it used to be; you would join him in the shower, and be quite inseparable. Why is it so hard to be like that again?

Jimin fishes out a plain T to go to bed in. Unlike the nights before, he refused to take his pillows out and sleep on the sofa outside. Tonight, he is determined to get in the same bed his wife slept in. 

When you returned to see him in the bed, eyes shut and curled in a ball and laying on his side, you couldn’t lie, you wanted to keep him safe. You wanted to chase away everything he might fear and save him from anything that’s eating him alive. But you hated him so much. His party life and the cunning charming smile he would throw others. And then, there’s the reckless spending. The relationship feels like it’s going nowhere. He is never home and you feel like a stone. He is only getting the attention he needs, knowing he couldn’t get any at home. How could you blame him? How do you churn out the hurt and start talking to him, instead of running polar opposites from where he is?

“Murderer,” he said. You turned to him.

“How did you live your life knowing that you’ve killed me?” His eyelids fluttered open, and staring straight at you.

The pain in his voice shot through your heart, welling up your eyes as you remembered the things you both had done in the past. 

“I’ve killed you?” you asked him in gentle whispers, through broken voices, “Do you not see where this relationship is not going? Your partying, your spendings? Your utter disrespect to the foundation of this household? I hate seeing you drunk and still you do it…” You roughly wipe your tears away with the back of your hand. 

He caught your hand, and stead, gently thumb your cheeks. His eyes glided on you. You switched to your back, eyes holding at the ceiling as he moved closer to you, the tip of his nose poking the skin on your neck, inhaling your scent. His hand snuck underneath your thin fabric, and his lips peppered kisses around the expanse of your neck and shoulders, jaws and cheeks. 

“Please love me,” he pleaded, with his entire being.

It must have been around mid-March, winter ended, and spring began. It was raining heavily, the raindrops splattered on the glass windows of the cafe you were in. The coffee half-drunken, sitting on its saucer by your right wrist. You were reading a piece on Franz Kafka, when blood dribbled down your philtrum and onto the pages of Die Verwandlung. You hurried to grab a tissue from under the saucer, causing the spoon to fall clattered on the marble floor and pulled the attention to you. The waitress came running to your side, squatting down to see if you’re alright. 

Now, at your close friends’ clinic, you patiently waited for her medical deduction of you. Her expressions are unreadable and the shame hasn’t subsided either, for you. You came to give her a gift you’ve bought her but she insisted to have her time with you by checking your wellbeing. Once she’s crossed out that you’ve been working hard, her furrowed brows and thinking forehead lines begin to soften. 

“When was your last period?” 

Blink. Blink. 

“Your acne resurfaced, you have been having mood swings, you also had headaches and you told me about a smell I couldn’t sense,” she pauses, and smiles triumphantly at you, “Your hormones are changing… I am suggesting… possibilities of pregnancy?” She leaned forward, and stuck her hand into the drawer under her desk and took out a fresh box of test kit. She tapped it on her table, and propped an elbow to rest her chin on her palm and grinned. She winked at you and now is smiling so widely. Too widely. You took the kit and stood up. 

“There’s a loo over here, if you want some company…” she giggled.

You begin with a sigh. 

“How long am I in, do you think? I drank coffee almost everyday…” you spoke through the walls, echoes on the tiles but your best friend heard them very well, then you resumed, “But it can’t be, could it?”

“I don’t know, you’re the one having sex, you should remember…” she shrugged, leaning against the counter as you sat on the toilet bowl. Your smile didn’t last very long, and noticing this, she asked you.

“Is there something wrong?”

Your friends knew how much you wanted kids, and with the possibilities of having one now, you looked pretty upset. 

“Jimin’s… Jimin isn’t fit to be a father,” you confessed and when you did, a weight seemed to lift themselves off of your shoulder. Then comes the waterworks. You cried easily these days and it became close to annoying. You cried at sad commercials, at dog videos and a sight of cute things. Your friend comes kneeling next to you as you wait for the lines to develop. 

She rubbed your back, in effort to calm you down. 

“He isn’t home till late, and I get it, it’s because of his job but I feel so lonely sometimes and I think he doesn’t care about that… he just goes out with his friends and starts drinking, and he won’t answer the calls I make. It’s been awhile since we even had dinners together. Last week, a girl called the emergency number on his phone saying he was drunk laying flat on the floor and needed me to get him home…” you covered your face and started crying harder, “And that’s not even half of the shit he does…”

Jimin recently emptied half of your joined accounts to buy a leather jacket and bag he wants to be a gift to his friend. When you approached him about it, he said he was going to recover the money soon. He said many things and did it time and time again, and sometimes, you wished you could scream in his face to tell him to stop. The money could have been for the future, it could have been a start for a piggy bank for kids you might have, and if Jimin doesn’t stop his uneventful spendings, you would be eating from scraps. And there was no gentle way to say this, but to give him the cold shoulders. You don’t want to cry in front of a man that feels that it is okay to spend without asking their partners first. Taehyung might have loved that leather jacket, but you would rather the fridge filled with half the cost of that jacket. You could really eat well these days.

When the double line appeared, you cried even harder in the arms of your best friend. She cried with you too. Closed the clinic for the day so she could be with you. And pour out your heart contents, like a dam broke and it comes flooding. There were so many things you wanted to say, and you held back all these while to save whatever that you could save. But there’s just so much tolerance you could give and there’s just so much you could take. 

“My darling,” your best friend said softly, “You’re talking in circles.” Maybe it’s because your life was going in circles. With Jimin’s recurrent attitude and you continue to persevere at every receiving end, succumbing to your hurt, it was going in rounds. 

The car comes to a stop at the lobby, and the windows wind down. Your best friend stroked your hand through the window and held them tight. 

“Talk,” she advised, “Tell him how you feel… Be strong.”

I can’t be strong and tell him how I feel at the same time.

The car sped off and you walked into the lobby. You walked into the lobby and suddenly felt cramping on your torso. You had to clutch over the handrail as you stood in the elevator, people coming in starting to support you, asking you what happened. They helped you call Jimin over but the calls don’t get through until their third try. With the loud music, Jimin couldn’t hear the phone. He went to remind himself that he had to track a new order of a bomber jacket he bought online to see how long it takes to get here when he saw your name flashing on the caller ID. He excused himself, brushing knees with three to four ladies on the sofa where he was before sprinted outside to catch the call. 

So here he is, arriving at the level and jogging to where you are. 

“Why are you leaving your wife alone when she’s unwell…” the crowd dispersed but it was clear that the comments were thrown by an uncle that was there. Jimin carried you bridal style and got the door open before laying on the bed. He brushed your hair out of your face. 

“It’s just the cramps…” you lied.

“Those monthly cramps right? Nothing serious?” He repeated. 

You nodded. He doesn’t look like he wanted to stay there any longer. He is rushing to get away it seems.

“So…” he drawled, “If you’re alright now, and there’s nothing serious, I should remind you that I bought a bomber jacket and it’s expected to arrive soon… I’m best going because the birthday boy is coming around midnight, you’re alright right?” He is already at the door frame, walking sideways, mashing his lips together and looking at the time and then his phone. His face shone by the light from the screens, his jawline, his attentions, how handsome he looked and you tried so hard to not break right there and then. You turned the other way and said that you’re fine. You clenched your eyes shut and you felt him breathing next to you, a faint scent of nicotine on his shirt and a light kiss on your hair. 

“Please love me…” you begged, placing your palm on your tummy where the baby is. Just as desperately.

It shouldn’t have been difficult to ask for affection with your significant other. And yet. It just had been a while since you spent time together. Asking for his time after a while felt awkward. But when he smiled, and he smiled so bright, you felt a tinge of confidence. It felt like he, too, was waiting for the invitation. 

“What’s the occasion?” He asked, with a shy smile. 

“It’s just been a while since we spoke…” you set out saucers and poured him tea. 

I want to tell you everything. Everything I have and all that I carry with me. I am going through a hard time, and I want you to be there.

“You’re pregnant…” his eyes became so round and his accusation turned into fact. Since you took the time to confirm them, he was certained. That you are indeed carrying his child. 

You hung your head low and began to sob. Jimin stood up immediately from his chair, he held your shoulders and his hand raised up to your neck, then he thumbed your cheeks to slowly lift your face up.

“I lost it, the night you left for Taehyung’s party…I didn’t know how to tell you,” you begin explaining frantically, but Jimin gathered your head under his chin and he softly held the back of your head, cradling you. You shuddered against his body, shivering like you’ve walked in the cold and finally found warmth. His eyes stunned and unblinking until tears wells up on its own. His nose turned red and he sobbed gently. As you grew limp in his embrace, he held you tighter, firmer--as if making up for the nights he couldn’t hold you close. Or when he is too occupied with things that aren’t his family. He was punishing himself for what he couldn’t control and things he couldn’t say. After the cramps you felt, there was blood on the sheet that you lay in. You’ve bawled alone on the bed, cradling the bloodied lump, knowing full well that you’ve suffered a miscarriage. 

You have lain in bed for the rest of the evening after the reveal. Jimin had been home and holding your hands and refused to be parted from you. He laced his fingers in yours and thumbed your knuckles while he smiles at the TV show. He even laid with you, holding your tummy and whispering gently, encouraging you to eat and giving out ideas on what to eat. He offered to cook and to tidy things up. He washed the plates in the sink and kept your body warm with his own. 

“It’s my fault,” he began, “If I was home more often, I would have noticed…”

“Jimin…” you protested weakly.

“I wasn’t as attentive as I should be, I will become better now…” he decreed, “Whether you like it or not, I will be home.”

“I’d like that…” you hummed to yourself, and it seemed he heard it quite clearly, because he smiled and returned to wipe the plates dry and arrange them on the plate drying rack. 

Maybe, you don’t always have to tell. Maybe, he could just see.

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Copyright © January 8th, 2021 namjoonchronicles do not repost, leave feedback :’) please

[path-of-my-childhood]

9 Taylor Swift Moments That Didn’t Fit in Our Cover Story

By: Brian Hiatt for The Rolling Stone Magazine Date: September 30th 2019

Taylor Swift had a lot to say in our recent cover story (on newsstands now), tracing her eventful path to Lover, her political views and many other topics in a lengthy, revealing interview. There was even more to the caffeine-fueled conversation, which Swift made it through on four hours of sleep after staying up greeting fans at her parents’ Nashville house. Here are some highlights:

On releasing “The Archer” after “Me” and “You Need to Calm Down”: That’s sort of the world in which a lot of the album lives. It’s weird, because in pop, I love hooks and bop and catchy melodies so much. And I also love writing the songs you need to ugly cry to. So I really enjoy “You Need to Calm Down” and the brattiness of “damn, it’s 7 a.m.,” and then the next song being like, this is how I feel about myself in my lowest moments… It was unexpected when people liked “The Archer” seemingly sort of unanimously, I was like, What? This doesn’t happen to me. This almost feels like foreign and strange.

On Lover‘s place in her catalog: Reputation was so far from what I usually do. And Lover feels like a return to the fundamental songwriting pillars that I usually build my house on. It’s really honest; it’s not me playing a character. It’s really just how I feel, undistilled. And there are a lot of very personal admissions in it. And also, I love a metaphor. I love building on the metaphor for a very long time. You know, the whole of Reputation was just a metaphor, but this is a very personal record. So that’s been really fun.

Writing the title track of Lover: I was sitting up at the piano up in my loft, and I had the chorus. It just kind of happened immediately. It was one of those ones that I wrote very very, very quickly. And I was working out the cadence of the first verse and it just sort of fell together. But then I took some time to write the bridge because I wanted to really level up with that bridge. That one would for me be less of a ranting bridge and more of a story-time fable type bridge. Sometimes I like to imagine a bridge as like a sort of fairy-tale lullaby fable expanding upon a song that has been not as detailed until that point. “Can I go where you go/ Can we always be this close forever and ever”  is less detail then when you go to the bridge and you realize like, oh, it just got really personal in the bridge. It expands on it all.

Writing “Paper Rings” We just were messing around, just wanting to make something really, really fun. And I had all these lyrics about all these funny memories of how something can start off in a really quirky way and surprise you. Like how it says, “I hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this.” So I wanted to show the quirkiness of a relationship and how it’s like, wow, this really fell together in really interesting, funny, playful, cute pieces. And now it’s something we’re both really stoked happened exactly the way it did.

On her creative burst circa 2016: I was writing constantly. And a lot of the things I was writing ended up being songs for Reputation. So after 1989, I didn’t write really anything. After I made 1989 and put it out, did all the promo stuff, went on tour... The Grammys happen, which is like this unbelievable blitz of excitement, followed by me going, “Oh my god, what am I going to make next?” I had no idea what to make next, because I was so proud. 1989 — I’m still so, so deeply proud of that record. But I was like, where do we go from here? I have no idea what comes after this. And so, when my life took a very dramatic shift, all of a sudden I knew what to make next — which is a strange dichotomy to feel like, ‘whoa, this is all really weird, twisted, dark and dramatic, but I can’t stop writing.’

I think I would have made Reputation whether or not I actually put out the album or ever made another album again. That album was a real process of catharsis, and I thought I experienced catharsis before, but I’d never had until that album, because it was creating this strange defense mechanism. And, I’d never really done that in that exact way before. The only way I’d done it in the past, was with “Blank Space,” which I wrote specifically about criticisms I had received for supposedly dating too many people in my twenties. I took that template of, OK, this is what you’re all saying about me. Let me just write from this character for a second.

On the Reputation Tour: That’s just such a fun album, Reputation. I’m so proud of how that whole process was because I’d never had an album that made more sense to people after they came to the concert. Literally people would be like, “I came to the show and now I completely love the record.” Now I get the record. Whereas before with 1989, I felt like it was such a great listen but it was harder to portray it live because when you when you see it live, you’re like, “Oh, I love that song and now she’s performing it live.” But it never had songs that came alive live.

With Reputation, I wanted to keep my head down, not say anything, but work harder than I ever worked. It was really motivational for me to just have the stadium tour to prepare for and prove myself almost. My career was in a weird spot, but still have that kind of ignite something in you to work harder, to practice longer, to think of bigger, better concepts for the live show. I was thinking, if anything can pull me out of this weird disillusionment I have with the way that things have gone in my career that I was feeling back then, I knew it would be playing live. If I could be proud of the live show and if I could feel that connection with fans, that would remind me of why I love this.

On the challenges of choreography: It’s really hard for me to memorize choreography. Dancers keep count, but I can’t memorize choreography that way. So I have to assign movement to an exact lyric. Everything in my brain has to be assigned to a lyric. Because I have to learn choreography in a way that reverts back to songwriting. My vibe is I have to rehearse so, so many times for so long that I can do the choreography without thinking about it. Because when I’m thinking about choreography, my face says it. You can see it in my eyes. There’s a fear and, like, a deadness to my eyes if I’m trying to remember choreography.

On being less caught up in chart battles: I’m just a little more chill about stuff like that now. Obviously, you want to do well, and you want to do things that people like and you want people not to make fun of you for that. A lot of the pressure that I feel in my career is just the fact that I’m compared to everything I’ve ever accomplished in the past and also new artists. I can’t live in that pressure cooker. Charts — I truly, truly do not understand how they work anymore. My friend Ed [Sheeran] is such a chart monger. He’s obsessed with how it works and the math of it. I have no idea what goes on with the math with it now, it used to be so easy. I don’t even get how, people get a big release week, because they sold T-shirts, or they sold concert tickets with their albums. It’s just very confusing. But I was stoked about the “ME!” music video getting that many YouTube views. I was like, well, that’s like, that’s something to write home about.

On the longevity of songs: I think it often takes a lot of time for people to understand how they feel about music. And I know that now because there’s a song on Red called “All Too Well” that I’m really, really proud of, and it took people about three years to note that that was one of the best songs. I didn’t see that starting to pop up when people would talk about my music until about two or three years after the album had its moment. So one thing that’s actually really comforting about music — and I know that people consume at a crazy speed now — but I think that things settle for people after a long period of time. My music kind of assigns itself to maybe a moment in somebody’s life; that’s the way that my fans usually describe it. So when you’re dealing in memory curation in a way, if they have memories that include one of my songs, they go and they live their lives and those memories become further in the past and more nostalgic to them, and the music becomes more important to them.

[hermionegranger56]

a v late recap of evermore

so i think Taylor Swift sensed that i was Going Through It and was like here you sad bitch, here’s another surprise album to help fix all that. cause good lord evermore is just what i (and i think we all) needed. i truly TRULY can’t believe we’re lucky enough to get a sister album to folklore, i love it so much. the first day it was out i drove myself 2 hours to the very end of the Cape and sat on an empty beach and cried to it and honestly??? magical. here are my thoughts on it that no one asked for:

first, as an overall here, this album complements folklore so well. it’s the spring to folklore’s autumn, it’s self-assured and warm and beautiful. each album shows off her lyrical genius so well and she only grows stronger here. when folklore came out, i was floored because the music was so different for her and so up my alley. each song’s production sucked me in and it was like she was confidently telling us “here is another genre i can work with” (masterfully at that). evermore feels different. it feels like Taylor is so comfortable in this creative space, she isn’t trying to fit into any new molds or expectations, she is just HERE, now, saying “this is who i am and this is my craft”. it’s really been a privilege to watch her grow as an artist. ok. here we go

willow:

god the video was so beautiful, a really good continuation of cardigan. the chorus is so so delicate and prettyyy, thats MY MAN ughhh its so good. it reminds me a lot of invisible string tbh, or if betty from cardigan grew up and found love. this is really one of my favorites, she starts so strong

fave lines: “the more that you say, the less i know/ wherever you stray I follow/ i’m begging for you to take my hand/ wreck my plans, that’s my man”; “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind”

champagne problems:

oh dear god, it’s if all too well and new years day had a baby and it is a MASTERPIECE. i can picture it all, college sweethearts, broken hearts, i feel like its new england at christmas, ivy league old money…its cinematic. and it gets at the feeling like you’ll never be good enough so you leave before that happens (basically before you get to the tolerate it stage??) and OOF. AND GODDAMN THE RANTING BRIDGE (illicit affairs came close on folklore but i think THIS might be the best bridge since All Too Well). I’ve screamed it a lot tbh

fave lines: BRIDGE BABYYYYYY EVERY SINGLE PERFECT WORD. WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEADDDD

gold rush:

this one is bright and lovely and catchy!! it reminds me a lot of mirrorball tbh, all like swirly and magical. i can’t even put it into words but i can see this one so clearly. its all rosy and golden

fave lines: “eyes like sinking ships on waters/ so inviting, i almost jump in”; “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/with your hair falling into place like dominoes/ I see me padding across your wooden floors/ with my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door”; “the coastal town we wandered round/ had never seen a love as pure as it”; “my mind turns your life into folklore”

’tis the damn season:

UGH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME WANNA TEXT MY EX. the melody is SOOOO satisfying, the progression to “write this down”, i’m obsessed. the idea of being home for the holidays and feeling a little lost and tired and nostalgic for what could have been is something superrrr relatable. this song reminds me of snowy drives around my hometown in the best/worst possible way hahah. one of my top 5 for sure.

fave lines: “we could call it even/ you could call me babe for the weekend/ tis the damn season, write this down/i’m staying at my parents house/ and the road not taken looks real good now”; “and wonder about the only soul/ who can tell which smiles i’m faking”

tolerate it:

oh honeyyyyy this track 5 packs a punch, i mean the lyrics are absolutely BRUTAL in the best way. it’s just so sad, and encompasses a lot of my own insecurity about always feeling like you’re more invested in a relationship and watching someone fall out of love or just stop caring. i LOVE the “my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”, like bitch YES your love should be celebrated. also taylor sounds angelic on the “I” at the start of the chorus

fave lines: “i know my love should be celebrated/ but you tolerate it”; “i made you my temple, my mural, my sky/ now i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”; “what would you do if I/break free and leave us in ruins/ took this dagger in me and removed it”

.

no body, no crime:

YESSSSSSSSS I LOVE THE SUBGENRE OF COUNTRY ABOUT WOMEN KILLING SHITTY HUSBANDS AND THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHH!! I LOVE the beat, i love country taylor, i love the addition of HAIM. UGH ITS SO CATCHYYYY, like i’m obsessed with the slide from “i think he did it but i just. can’t. prove itttttt NOOO no body no crime” UGHHH this is without a doubt in my top five

fave lines: “she thinks i did it but she just can’t prove it”

happiness:

I heard this one described as an emotional marathon and holy shit it is, each line is a sucker punch. i really like how it feels like a conversation and looks at the acceptance and pain that mingle together when a relationship just…ends. her lyrics are unmatched on this album but this is a particularly strong track

fave lines: “i haven’t met the new me yet”; “when did all our lessons start to look like weapons/ pointed at my deepest hurt”; “there is a glorious sunrise/ dappled with the flickers of light/ from the dress i wore at midnight”

dorothea:

this one feels like Betty 2.0 and its so sweet and bright and also kinda sad. it’s wistful!! that’s the word i want, wistful! the vibe is gives off reminds me of Red, like musically. it’s home-y. idk if that makes sense but i like it a lot

fave lines: and if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know/ you know, you’ll always know me”

coney island:

ugh this one is magical, i honestly really love the instrumental to this one, it’s so soothing. the lyrics to me feel like you’re in some dream state, going through every heartbreak you’ve ever been through. I love the addition of The National, the vocals fit together so well (and I like it better than both Bon Iver features i think??)

fave lines: do you miss the rogue/ who coaxed you into paradise and left you there/ will you forgive my soul/ who you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

ivy:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s how i feel about this absolute masterpiece oh my GOD) it makes me so incandescently happy, the folk feel, the lyrics that are so cinematic and poetic and paint such a clear picture (to me) of two Victorian lovers who are in unhappy marriages but don’t let that stop their love. the chorus just like….fills my whole chest, the OH GODDAMN hits so different. and i want “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand” tattooed on me, that is one of her BEST lines and i will die on that hill. its all so pretty, i can’t deal. the vibe also strongly reminds me of a) invisible string and b) Little Women (2019). i think taylor should do folk and uhhhh only folk please

fave lines: EVERY WORD BUT ESPECIALLY: “i’d meet you where the spirit meets the bone/ in a faith forgotten land”; “oh goddamn/ my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/ taking mine, but its been promised to another/ oh, i can’t/ stop you putting roots in my dreamland/ my house of stone, your ivy grows/ and now I’m covered in you”; “he wants what’s only yours”; “clover blooms in the field/ springs breaks loose, time is near“; ”so yeah, it’s a fire/ its a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it”

cowboy like me:

ALL RIGHT everyone sleeps on this song but oh my GOD its so good!! it’s smooth and dreamy and gives me that old fashioned, bonnie and clyde type love story and some of the lyrics are so poetic. I really love the addition of the Tim McGraw chords too???? BUT DEAR GOD COULD WE HAVE GIVEN MARCUS MUMFORD MORE OF A ROLE HERE??!! HE SOUNDS WONDERFUL, GIVE HIM A FEATURE, GIVE HIM A WHOLE VERSE. THIS IS A FOLK ALBUM TAYLOR, USE FUCKING MUMFORD AHHHH (i fucking love him omg)

fave lines: “dancin’ is a dangerous game”; “you’re a bandit like me/ eyes full of stars”; “now you hang from my lips/ like the Gardens of Babylon/ with your boots beneath my bed/ forever is the sweetest con”

long story short:

A BOP!! GIVE ME SOME HAPPINESS TAYLOR WOO! I really love how catchy this one is. it feels like her introducing the craziness of her life to joe and being like look all of that was tough but here i am now and I couldn’t be happier. It’s refreshing, self-deprecating and endearing. I couldn’t love it more and it is ALWAYS stuck in my head!

fave lines: “and he’s passing by/ rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky”; “long story short I survived”

marjorie:

ha hahah hah ha this one ENDS me, like dear LORD i need to call my grandma immediately. it is so so GOOD and SAD, like the you don’t know how good something or someone is until they’re gone, but even then, they’re still there with you. I love the grandma wisdom of “never be so clever you forget to be kind” etc. and holy SHIT the addition of Taylor’s grandmother’s opera singing as background vocals is GENIUS AND DEVASTATING, god the part where she goes “i’d think you were singing with me now” and then Marjorie comes in is honestly one of the most beautiful musical moments i’ve heard in a hot minute and it breaks me every time. wow.

fave lines: “never be so polite/ you forget your power/ never wield such power/ you forget to be polite”; “the autumn chill that wakes me up/ you loved the amber sky so much”; “and if i didn’t know better/ i’d think you were singing to me now”

closure:

ok i’m sorry, this is my only skip here. I really do love the lyrics and the idea of, yeah no you don’t deserve closure from me. i just can’t get past the pots and pans beginning, its too chaotic. but i’m sure it’ll grow on me! it does feel like finally moving on and i do love that about it

fave lines: “don’t treat me like/ some situation that needs to be handled”; “i know i’m just a/ wrinkle in your new life/ staying friends would/ iron it out so nice”

evermore:

god her voice is SO soothing in this one, it’s literally hypnotic. the song itself feels wandering and dark at first, like you’re stuck in this depression, and then bon iver comes in and it picks up and it feels like coming out of the trees, into the sunlight and finding your way again. finding that the pain WOULDNT be for evermore like she says. it feels like an ending and a beginning. beautiful

fave lines: “writing letters/ addressed to the fire”; “and when i was shipwrecked/ i thought of you/ in the cracks of light/ i dreamed of you”; “and i was catching my breath/ floors of the cabin creaking under my step/ and i couldn’t be sure/ i had a feeling so peculiar/ this pain wouldn’t be for evermore”