#i am only posting this bc i am still drunk on tequila | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

babyleclerc · 5 years ago

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Tequila Sunrise

Pairings: Chris Evans x Fem Reader

Style: One-Shot

Request?: No, but 100% inspired by that stupid Shawn Mendes/Camila Cabello song I will never get out of my head

Warnings: Language. Smut. Unprotected sex (woops, wrap it before you tap it, kids). NSFW. Slight dom!Chris.

Word count: 4.5K

Summary: You’ve known Chris since you were twelve. He’s always been a constant for you, never a romantic interest. But will the summer heatwave, humidity and pool time get to your head and change the way you feel about each other? Includes Anthony Mackie!

A/N: Holy shit, you guys. I’ve been working on this one all week. I won’t lie, I’m attached to this one and really hope you guys like it. :3 I’m considering doing a series tied to this -- more of what happens with Reader/Chris & potentially with Ava (bc I love her personality and modeled her off Blake Lively, if you couldn’t tell). If you liked this/would be interested in reading more in this world please comment and let me know!! Your support helps me write :))

This story truly feels like my baby so please do leave it some love/review if you liked it. Sorry if the smut sucked I hate writing it but felt like it was essential to the story jfdlakflds;akf;dsaf. Don’t hate me. ALSO, huge thank you to my #1 @deartomhardy. She helped me through this in so many ways. Hyped me up when parts of this fic made me sweaty, yelled at me when I whined about the smut. Supported me literally through it all. I love u my baby angel. <3 (Gif not mine!)

You say we’re just friends,

But friends don’t know the way you taste.

‘Cause you know it’s been a long time coming,

Don’t you let me fall.

It was hotter than all hell, and you were starting to get sick of the dry heat that was coursing it’s way through the city the past few days. Your hometown used to be so enjoyable; better weather, less traffic, less people, less lines, less noise. Now, everything was popular - and not in a cute way. The donut shop down the street you had been going to since you were five was now considered a collectible. You saw tourists at the airport with the stupid blue boxes everywhere. The quaint coffee shop that was next to a questionable Chinese restaurant had now multiplied where you could find one on almost every street corner. Even down to the people - one in particular - who used to just be a regular Joe Schmoe was now a celebrity in his (also your) hometown. Wild.

“Find any hotties out there?” You turned your head to the edge of the pool to peer through your circular sunglasses at the voice. Mackie was leaned against the cool tiles surrounding the edge of the pool, the bottom of his body enveloped in water. He turned to look at Chris who had just entered the gated pool area.

“I just went to get some beers, Mack. Chill.” Chris replied, and you couldn’t help the small smile that formed on your lips at his response.

Local-theatre-geek-turned-celebrity did have its perks, though. For one, you were able to enjoy a private pool on a 97 degree day, well, privately. Chris’s summer home was nothing short of a resort; food at any and all hours of the day, a pool, hot tub, and theater room. The best part about the pool was that there were no kids screaming and running around, wreaking havoc. You had a barbecue all to yourself, you could blast music and no one would complain. Plus, you found yourself suddenly surrounded by far better and more interesting company.

You and Chris had always been close. That was clear to everyone around you. You went to his premieres, supported him on Broadway, stayed up with him late into the night over the phone when his anxiety got the best of him, and he was a full Country away from you. Assured him that he would have the family he’s always wanted one day. And he supported you through all your endeavors. Helped you pay your way through grad school (I have so much money, Y/N, I literally don’t know what to do with it. Let me do something good for you, just this once he’d said to you late that night on the floor of your college dorm). Listened to you when you ranted about your parents and how the planet alignment was throwing off your mood. Was a shoulder to cry on when you went through breakups. There were no secrets between you, and there was no drama.

You knew this was because the only rule you had with Chris was the one that had stood the test of time: no sex. Period. No matter how drunk you got in the college dorms or at Marvel premieres. Even if you didn’t have someone to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Even if you were vulnerable, heart aching for some affection and non-romantic sex after your ex cheated on you. Even if you were just plain horny. No. Sex. Your 20+ year friendship had lasted this long because one person in the relationship had always stood that ground no matter the circumstances. And for that, you were so thankful. Thankful for the lack of complications and strings; thankful you had someone in your life you could be you around. It was a rarity these days.

“Beer?” Said friend asked you, sunglasses adorned his tanning face. You looked up from Mackie and nodded, stretching out a hand to reach for the refreshing drink Chris was offering your way.

“Please,” You respond, waiting for Chris to pad his way over to you across the massive outdoor patio.

Had Chris not had his sunglasses on, you would have noticed the way he was eyeing your outstretched body, clad only in a thin, navy blue bikini on the poolside chair. Your bottoms hugged your hips as if made just for you; your tousled hair touching just beneath your shoulders; stray strands innocently snuggled beneath your breasts.

He took a breath, willing himself to look away as he handed you the cool drink. You noticed the way his obliques twitched with his arm movement, and how massive his biceps were after coming off of Endgame. You had, of course, noticed your best friend’s looks before - you weren’t blind - but the heat was making you see him in a different light. You took a swig of your beer, hoping the distraction would take you away from the way a bead of sweat was falling just along his torso towards the top of his swim trunks...

“I’d love one, Chris, thanks for asking.” Your best friend, Ava, spoke out next to you.

“Did you have to bring her?” Chris teased, grabbing another beer and gently tossing it towards Ava, who lay sprawled out on a lounge chair next to you in a stunning red one piece that hugged her cleavage just right.

Ava was the quintessential best friend whose kindness and selflessness made up for the fact that any woman next to her would otherwise feel inadequate.

She had long, slender legs, carved after years of soccer, tennis, biking, and basically any sport she could get her hands on. The constant need for an adrenaline rush made her tanned skin stay year-round, which was accompanied by a moderate four pack, large natural breasts, and wavy, thick blonde hair that always fell just right. Add her bright emerald eyes and a contagious laugh that lit up any room, and she was a heartbreaker to any man that was lucky enough to be in the same room as her.

But Ava didn’t care about that stuff, and that’s what made her so special. She was selfless. She put everyone else’s needs above her own, and had kindness oozing out of her, no matter the circumstances. She went to Mexico on a UNICEF trip on a whim after reading an article about children in need on a random Tuesday morning. She put her younger brother through medical school when both of her parents passed away unexpectedly (still a mystery to everyone else how she ever managed it). She was a perfect blend of compassion and enthusiasm that attracted men who wanted to get in bed with her and women who wanted to be associated with her. And it was effortless; as if it came to her like breathing.

“They’re kind of a package deal, those two.” Mackie piped up from the pool, grinning as he unashamedly drank Ava in. He had been trying to get with her all summer, but Ava stood her ground. She wasn’t one for summer flings.

But Chris knew this already; in fact it was Ava and Chris’s friendship that had gotten you to know Chris to begin with. Your mom had forced you into 6th grade soccer (hoping you would show some sort of athletic talent in your childhood) where you had met Ava on the very first day. Chris had been on the boys team at your middle school, and Ava being, well, Ava, had already made friends with the entire team within days. Your practices were on separate fields, separated only by a goal post but always ended at the same time. You would frequently all walk home together after practice, stopping for a smoothie, donuts, or ice cream along the way depending on the weather and talking about everything under the sun. Those walks were the reason you stuck with soccer for all those years (sorry, Mom).

“I already know what you’re going to say,” Ava started, lowering her voice and leaning towards you so the boys couldn’t hear. “But if I didn’t know any better, I’d say a certain someone was checking you out today.”

You rolled your eyes, but felt your heart skip a beat at the insinuation. “Don’t go starting shit, Ave. He’s seen me in a bikini a million times.”

“Yeah, and you’ve seen him shirtless a million times, too, and yet here you are gawking at him like he’s some Sports Illustrated model.”

“Am not!” You laughed, taking a drink of your beer. You noticed the way Chris’s eyebrows raised at the sound of you from across the patio; he was always in tune with you even from a thousand miles away.

“Prove it.” Ava deadpanned, swinging her legs over her chair to sit up and face you.

“What?” You asked, exhausted by your best friend’s antics.

“Prove it.” She repeated, setting her beer down on the cement. “If it’s no big deal, and you feel the same way about him you always have and nothing’s changed-” She used air quotations, referring to the thousands of conversations you’d had about Chris since you were both back visiting your hometown and hanging out with Ava, “-then swimming and playing around in the pool should be no big deal. Just another swim with your best buds.”

She had a wicked grin on her face, and you knew you were in trouble. When Ava set her mind to something, she always saw it through. No matter what.

“Please don’t do this.” You pouted, though your best friend was already standing, waiting to make her move. The pitied look on your face didn’t fool her, and you found she was ignoring you as she dramatically fanned herself, heading towards the pool.

“It’s getting a bit toasty. I think I’ll take a dip to cool off.” She announced, “Y/N, you coming?”

“I think I’m good, thanks.” You glared at her, unamused. She shot you a wink in response.

“Man, I was really hoping we could chicken fight. Evans!” Chris jumped at the sudden inclusion from the loud blonde. “You in?”

He looked up from the edge of the pool where he had been leaning against one of the railings. Him and Mackie had been discussing some latest sports announcement at length, since you had been too bored earlier to listen out at lunch.

“Mhm?” Chris asked, clearly not paying attention to Ava’s antics and shooting a look over to the both of you. You noticed the beer in his hand was nearly empty.

“Chicken fight!” Ava said enthusiastically, “Me ‘n Mack vs you two losers.”

“Alright!” Mackie shouted happily, “Now things are getting interesting. Finally.”

Chris sighed, not near excited for the fight as the other two. “You in, partner?”

“I guess.” You groaned, knowing you had no way out of both Anthony and Ava’s persistence. You pulled yourself up off the chair and stood, stretching and rolling your neck, which had been stiff from the CrossFit class Ava had forced you to earlier in the week. Your muscles still ached from the fifty minute torture session you cursed your best friend all the way through, and though you’d never admit it - a dip in the pool sounded so refreshing after nearly 45 minutes in the heat.

Chris’s eyes never left you, or the way your body was glistening in the sunlight. The summer heat was leaving your cheeks just flushed, and he noticed how the thin swim material hugged your plump ass seductively. You were oblivious. Oblivious to the beauty and perfection Chris saw in you, how your right dimple surfaced when you laughed, and your eyelashes fluttered when you slept deeply. He felt a small pang of jealousy in his gut at the thought of all the guys who had seen you that way, and wondered if they noticed all those things about you that he did.

Throughout high school and through adulthood, people had always assumed Chris was dating Ava. Whether it was friends, family, or tabloids - people always gushed over what a “beautiful couple” he and Ava made. Maybe it was because of the stark blond hair, or maybe that she was almost taller than Chris, and they appeared to be “perfectly matched”. To Chris, she was just Ava. A close, and dear friend, but no one he would ever be romantically interested in.

She wasn’t you.

---

Much to your annoyance (and to Ava’s pleasure), chicken fighting with Chris had been just as awkward as you had expected. You were acutely aware of every touch - the way his strong hands gripped your thighs when you were straddled on top of his shoulders, desperately trying to shove your best friend off Anthony’s. She was stronger than you; that much was obvious. But having Chris at the base gave you an edge, and you ended up winning more than the other pair thanks to his cheating swipes at Mackie from under the water.

While the game was innocent enough, you heart drummed loudly in your chest every time his skin made contact with yours. Several times as you fell, shoved off by Ava’s very aggressive pushes, you’d feel Chris’s strong arms envelope you, laughing and crashing into the water with you. His arm stayed wrapped around your torso, holding you easily against his hip as you pushed up for air. Water droplets danced along your shoulders as you laughed, easily wrapping your legs around Chris as an excuse for support.

Finally, after several hours of Marco/Polo, ring tossing, and shark and minnows, Anthony and Ava had tired themselves out and retired to their respective homes. You and Chris had moved to the hot tub, tucked deep into the corner of the house, where you could still see the stars. The heatwave had finally burnt off, and you felt a cool breeze rolling through the property, sending a slight shiver down your spine. You leaned your head back onto the cool, diamond tiles that lined the tub, your legs peacefully resting on Chris’s lap across from you as the jets made water bubbles all around you. You sighed, blissfully happy - nothing was better than a long, warm day at the pool with your best friends.

“What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?” Chris asked softly. His fingers danced across your legs like a whisper, his warm blues matching the color of the water just beneath his sturdy chest.

“I’ve just missed this,” You reply, raising your eyes to meet his. “Life should always be this simple.”

“It can be.” Chris retaliated, thumb now making small circles just above your ankle. You smiled softly.

“Sometimes. But other times I remember that there’s reality, and we have to work and pay bills and like... be an adult.” You sighed again, “It’s just not the same as...” You trailed off, not having the balls to finish your sentence. You awkwardly broke eye contact with him, looking down at your hands in the water.

“Not the same as what?” He pressed, hand now gripping your ankle gently. He tugged just enough to force you to make eye contact with him again.

“Real life just isn’t the same as being here with you,” You finished out awkwardly. This was uncharted territory - you’d never talked about this kind of stuff with Chris. You were always just friends, and that was the extent of it. Nothing more; and there was never really an opportunity to be more than that because both of you had never let it.

But now... now he was here. And he was so... perfect. And caring. And kind. And he listened to your ideas, beyond just wanting to get into your pants. And he knew you so intimately, it was hard to think about being with anyone else. It made you wonder if all of your past relationships had failed for a reason, maybe there was someone else you were supposed to be with, and he had been right in front of you this entire time?

Chris tugged on your leg, a little stronger this time, willing you towards him as the water bounced between you guys softly. He was closing the gap between the both of you, but the pace in which he was taking was painfully slow. You felt every second, as if it had been slowed down five times, as you inched towards him slowly.

“Chris, I...” You whispered, as his hands enveloped you, gripping your waist and maneuvering you so that you straddled his lap.

“What?” He asked breathlessly, drunk on your smell, and the way your ass was settling on his groin. His eyes still haven’t left yours, he’s testing you - daring you to be the one to pull away first.

“I don’t trust myself right now.” You reply, eyes boring into his. Your face was millimeters away from his, and you so desperately wanted to reach out and taste him; know what it would feel like to kiss those soft, pink lips.

“Just one kiss.” He breathed. His tone was more of a request than it was statement, he was begging you to give in just this once. You lifted your hands and rested them on the sides of his face, feeling his slight stubble against the palms of your hands.In the decades of knowing him, you had never been this close. You breathed in deeply, taking in his scent. You felt as though you were home. And although it was likely only seconds that passed by, it felt like it had been a million minutes all smashed into one, and you finally leaned in, closing the fraction of space between your lips.

And suddenly, you were falling. Falling so deep into Chris and your feelings it was indescribable. He tasted like a perfect blend of vanilla, honey and strawberries; likely from the massive bowl he had eaten just hours before.

His arms wrapped around you, pulling you as close into him as he could. This was more than just one kiss, and both of you knew it. There was no going back now.

After a few breathy moments, Chris pulled back for air, immediately relocating his lips onto the crook of your neck, kissing every inch of your skin from your jawline down to your shoulder. Your skin felt as though it was on fire, and it had nothing to do with the temperature of the water. You leaned into him, a soft moan escaping your lips as you let your eyes flutter closed. His hands roamed up your spine, tugging at the spandex material that was barricading him from access to your breasts.

“Not here,” You murmured, letting your head fall against his shoulder. As warm and sexy as the hot tub was, you weren’t interested in your first time with Chris being messy and wet in his outdoor hot tub. Plus, the cool breeze was starting to give you goosebumps.

He pulled away from the hickey he was working on just above your right breast. “Hold onto my neck.” He said against your skin. Wrapping your legs around his waist he easily stood, carefully maneuvering the both of you out of the hot tub and towards one of the guest bedrooms just a few feet from the hot tub. All the while his lips continued his assault on any part of you that he could, stumbling in the dark towards the massive queen bed that was enveloped in snow white sheets.

A small giggle escaped from your lips as he tripped slightly, dropping you backwards and onto the soft mattress.

“Think that’s funny?” He asked, grinning as he took in the sight of you; eyes sparkling and hair wet and wild, soaking the cotton sheets beneath you. Nothing separated him from you other than your skimpy bikini, which he was determined to pull off within minutes of having you on the bed.

“I mean, it was a little dramatic,” You teased, reaching out to grab his left arm, and interlacing your fingers easily as he leaned over, hovering over top of you. No part of you were touching just yet, other than his hand in yours. “I do have working legs, ya know.”

“Well, yes, but where’s the fun in that?” He teased, allowing himself to settle on top of you easily. He was grinning from ear to ear, and you weren’t sure if it was your ego or the heat of the moment - but you could have sown you’d never seen him this happy.

“Are we really gonna do this?” You asked softly, reaching your hand to stroke the side of his face, your eyes searching his.

“Do you want to?” He asked, ever the gentleman. Your heart was ringing in your ears, aware of the hard erection Chris was sporting through his swim trunks. It pressed against your right thigh gently. You squirmed beneath him.

“I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” You murmured, and that was the final confirmation Chris needed to close the gap between you two once more.

And this time was different from the hot tub. In the water you were slow, deliberate, wanting every nerve in your body to feel him against you. This was different; he was hungry for you. His hands made quick work of your bikini top, tossing it onto the floor as your lips parted to make room for his tongue.

His right hand massaged your left breast, pinching and flicking your nipple every so often. The sensation made you moan, and you arched your back in response. You could feel your pussy throbbing for him, begging him to please you, touch you.

Needing air, you pulled away from him, placing kisses along his chin and down his jawline.

“Chris,” You moaned into his ear, slightly tugging on his long, wet hair as his thumb padded your tout nipple.

“Mhm,” You were quickly realizing that Chris was going to make you beg him for this one. After years and years of waiting, he wanted to hear exactly what you wanted him to do to you. He wasn’t going to give you an easy out. Not tonight anyway.

“Please,” You begged, as his right hand moved slowly, torturously from your breast and across your tummy, running a finger along your slit over top your bottoms.

“What do you want?” He asked, nose nuzzling your neck before biting you gently.

You groaned, annoyed at the teasing. “We’ve had twenty years of foreplay, Evans. You know what I want.”

He chuckled against your skin, palming your pussy in response.

“Don’t be a smartass.” He bit your earlobe gently, running his tongue along your neck. “All you have to do is ask.”

You weren’t used to such a dominant side of Chris, but the rate in which it was turning you on was unbelievable. He was confident and sexy in the bedroom - a side of him you weren’t used to seeing. It was a relief to feel like you were being taken care of, and that your needs were coming before his. Even if he was making you beg.

Deciding that being blunt was the only way to get what you want you pushed him away from your neck gently, meeting his warm blues. There was a quick beat.

“I want you to fuck me, Chris.” It was so vulgar you felt your cheeks go warm. But if Chris was turned on before, it was nothing like the look of desperation and hunger he had in his eyes now.

He shoved his swim trunks off, freeing his cock that was standing at attention. You craned your neck to get a look, mouth practically watering at the sight. Chris yanked off your bottoms next and paused for a minute, drinking you in.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He breathed, his hands running down your sides. His hand stopped just above your folds, locating your wild eyes and watching your face as he slipped in one, two, then three fingers, testing your readiness.

You hissed, writhing at the feeling and pulled at the sheets in a death grip. After a few pumps he pulled out of you, but not after sliding his index finger once across your clit. The feeling made you shutter, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

He aligned himself, pausing to soak you in. After all these years of wondering, wishing, hoping; you were all his. He didn’t have to worry about anybody or anything else. You were here, and this was perfect.

Your eyes fluttered open, wondering what the hesitation was. You knew immediately he was silently asking for permission one more time. Once you crossed this line, there was no going back. Your hand found his and you intertwined your fingers once more.

“I want this.” You whispered reassuringly.

That was the confirmation Chris needed to settle himself above you, and slide into your pussy slowly. Inch by inch you felt yourself filled up by his impressive length, and you squeezed his hand, moaning loudly.

“Jesus,” He moaned, allowing your body to adjust before beginning to fuck you slowly. “So wet.”

His mouth latched onto one your breasts, licking and nipping at your sensitive nipple as he began slamming into you with more speed. His thumb was still making fast work of your clit, and the triple combination was making it hard for you to not cum quickly.

“Chris,” You breathed, reveling in the way his cock felt inside of you. You bucked your hips hoping to allow him to penetrate you deeper.

“So absolutely perfect.” Chris kept murmuring against your skin, over and over as he kissed, licked, and squeezed every inch of you he could. He picked up the pace, feeling your walls tightening around his cock. You were dangerously close to release.

You tried to form words but couldn’t think coherently. Everything was a blur, and every nerve was on edge as you felt yourself inching quickly toward orgasm. One more thrust from Chris and you let go, crying out as your walls clenched down on his cock without mercy.

Squeezing your breast, he found your mouth and kissed you as if his life depended on it. After a few more thrusts, he, too, let out a loud groan as you felt him finish inside you.

Still seeing stars you blinked a few times, your brain trying to catch up to the scene unfolding in front of you. You had just had sex with Chris Evans. Best friend of over 20 years. Man you shared every intimate secret with. He’s seen you naked. Touched you everywhere. Came inside you. Holy shit.

Chris was still lost in his orgasm, panting slightly. He pulled out of you, rolling over to his side.

“Wow,” He breathed. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “That was…”

“Amazing?” You offered, snuggling into his chest and letting a hand dance along his skin. Your heart still hadn’t recovered from the previous cardio session, and you could feel Chris’s still racing also.

“I was gonna say mind blowing.” His chest rippled in your hand from a laugh. “But amazing works too.”

Fin.

---

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#Chris Evans #Chris Evans Smut #Chris Evans x Reader #Chris Evans x You #Reader Insert #Fanfiction #Fic #Fanfic #Chris Evans imagine #imagine #RPF #Chris fic mine #anthony mackie #Chris Evans fic #Chris Evans fanfic #Real Person Fiction

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 6 years ago

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I Have Confidence (SMUT)

anonymous said: bitch u better FEED me some Ben smut you’re like one of the only good writers in this fan base and I throw it BACK for Ben so idk do something with drunk y/n and ben and it’s playful and y/n is kinda needy or literally write whatever u want I’ll fucking cash app u sis I’m desperate!

(a/n: OMG I am 100% flattered that you think I’m one of the greats I literally feel like im in such a small corner of the fanbase bc im such a dweeb but that makes me cry happy tears THANK U. also yes i know i’ve already had a roger imagine w battleSHIPS in it but.... this is battleSHOTS bitch. NOW BACK TO UR REGULAR SCHEDULED BEN SMUT yall got spoiled w the fluff from the last post)

(p.s. u can still venmo/cash app me if u want im a broke college student pls spare change ma’am)

“Battleshots? You Americans are fucking mental, I swear.”

Ben was seated across the table from you, cross-legged on the chair that was currently actually a bit too warm for comfort. Both of you were out on his balcony, sitting at a table that was lit only by the late evening sun and the light streaming out of the door that led into his house.

You’d fashioned two makeshift Battleshots boards out of two small pizza boxes, seeing as you’d ordered pizza in tonight and the boxes had reminded you of your favorite party game. There was a grid on the bottom and top, and you each had 9 shot glasses filled with different liquors placed on the board in formations of 4, 3, and 2, just like the game of Battleships.

“It’s fun, don’t knock it til you try it,” you warned, peeking over the top of the box that was propped up on a cup and smiling. Ben’s curious green eyes met yours, and he laughed as he saw you stick your tongue out at him. “Winner finishes shots, or loser finishes winner’s shots? Your choice.”

“I say winner doesn’t have to finish their shots, that’s only fair.” He then sat back in his chair and pursed his lips, thinking for a moment. “I don’t want loser to finish the winner’s shots either, because I don’t think you can handle more than 9 shots.”

“Oh? Someone’s got a big head, don’t they?” you teased, raising an eyebrow and rolling your eyes playfully as he shrugged, smiling smugly.

“I have confidence in my abilities.” An exaggerated groan left your mouth as you flipped him off, trying not to laugh at how cocky he was being. “In all aspects of life,” he added with an eyebrow wiggle, making you pretend to gag as you waved your hand dismissively at him.

“I don’t want to hear about your sex life right now, Ben.”

“Why not? You seemed to enjoy my sex life a lot a couple nights ago.” A blush crept across your cheeks as you grabbed the decorative pillow you’d bought for him that was resting on the chair next to you, throwing it at him as he tried to imitate your moans.

He caught the pillow, laughing, and put it right back where it belonged as he gave you a knowing look. “You’re a pervert,” you mumbled, sitting up in your chair and grabbing your marker as you moved your cup of orange juice closer – you were using it as a chaser, while Ben opted for some kind of soda you hadn’t paid attention to.

You began the game of Battleshots, neck and neck with Ben throughout the first part until you both only had three shots left. You weren’t feeling anything yet, probably having taken the shots too close together, but you knew it would hit you soon. Standing up was something you were starting to fear.

But then Ben knocked out your last three in three successive rounds while you missed the rest of his, and you accepted defeat with only mild complaining as Ben cheered loudly, ever the gracious winner.

“I’ll take my winnings in cash or check, whichever works,” he teased, making you groan and climb up off your chair. Yep. There it was. You felt a warmth spread throughout your body and a dizziness overtake you as you stood, and you had to grab onto the chair next to you to ground yourself for a moment.

“Oof…. I’ve never lost this game,” you admitted sheepishly, Ben’s chuckles turning into cackles of laughter as he went to open the door for you, watching you make your way inside as best as you could. He was feeling something, but by no means was he as tipsy as you – if anything, he just felt a slight buzz, while you were verging on actually being drunk if you drank anything else.

Ben followed you as you headed to the kitchen to get yourself a water, and you glared at him as he continued to tease you, obviously in a great mood from winning. “Do you need help getting the water open? You’re a right mess, Ms. Second Place.”

“Oh, shut up,” you grumbled, taking a drink of the water and flipping him off as you leaned back against the counter.

He only laughed, unfazed by your grumpiness as he came over to place his hands on either side of you, effectively trapping you. “Does the winner get a kiss, at least?” He puckered his lips, closing his eyes and waiting for you to close the gap between you two. Scowling, you did the first thing you could think of – pouring some of your water onto his mussy, slightly curly blonde hair. The look of shock on his face was worth it all as he pulled away, gasping and pushing your hand away. “You little-“

“Cry about it,” you interrupted as you sat the water down, shrugging before taking off in a stumbling run and laughing deliriously as he scrambled after you, nearly slipping completely on the puddle of water that had gathered on the kitchen floor.

You made it all the way to the hallway upstairs before Ben caught you – he’d taken the steps two at a time, damn his thighs and stamina – and he grabbed you by the waist, lifting you up into a vice-like grip as you shrieked with drunken laughter, fighting against his arms even though it was clearly pointless.

“You’re gonna get it now!” he laughed breathlessly, carrying you into his bedroom and tossing you down on the bed before pouncing on you immediately, his hands going to your sides to tickle you mercilessly. He wouldn’t stop until you were gasping for air, begging him to give you a break, and even then, he kept his hand resting on your tummy as he fell to the side, grinning over at you. “You look like a mess, love.”

Giggling softly at the amused look on his face, you shook your head before crawling on top of him, straddling his torso before sitting down on his abdomen carefully, only eliciting a small release of air from him before he shifted just slightly to make it more comfortable. “You’re quite a dickhead, making fun of a drunk girl like this.”

His eye roll only made you laugh again, and he grabbed your hips, carefully scooting back so he could sit up and support himself on his elbows. “I feel no remorse, hard to feel bad when I get a pretty girl on my lap because of it.”

Your cheeks turned an even rosier color than the alcohol had already made them as you grinned, shaking your head before leaning down to kiss him gently, mumbling against his lips between kisses. “You’re such a flirt too.”

“Also no regret,” he quipped back calmly, resting a hand on the back of your neck and locking you into the kiss as he laid back on the bed again, taking you with him. Deepening the kiss eagerly, you made a happy noise as you felt the world spinning, half from the liquor and half from the feeling of Ben’s hands sliding up the back of your thighs to come and rest on your ass. When you pressed your ass back into his hands eagerly, he chuckled softly into the kiss, pulling away for a moment to mumble, “Someone’s excited.”

“Shut up, I’m drunk and my boyfriend is hot,” you mumbled right back, grinning before pulling him into an open-mouthed kiss, eliciting a groan from the back of his throat when you swirled your tongue around his, both of you tasting like tequila, while you left him with the taste of orange juice. The sound only made you more desperate to eliminate the layers of clothes between you, so you began tugging at the hem of his sweater, lifting it upwards and off when he reluctantly separated from the kiss and let you sit up.

He did the same with your shirt, tugging it up and off along with your bra before gazing up at you with a desirous glint in his eyes. The blown-out pupils scanned slowly up your torso as Ben chewed on his lower lip, just taking it all in. Shivering at the way his eyes devoured you, you had to finally distract him so he’d remember what he was doing – you circled your hips, grinding down against his increasingly hardening cock, which made his hands fly to your hips and catch them. You came to a stop with an impish grin on your face, and the playful look of disapproval in his face was quickly replaced by another look of lust when he rolled the two of you over, starting to work at the drawstring of the shorts you had on.

“Naughty girl,” he murmured, finally getting your shorts untied before tugging them off with your panties. His hand immediately moved between your legs, two fingers sliding up your folds as he grinned mischievously down at you as you squirmed slightly at the feeling, wanting his fingers inside of you. “You look so pretty right now, baby.”

“Ben, please,” you begged quietly, lifting your hips up against his touch and almost whining as he pulled his hand away, raising an eyebrow.

“Louder?”

“Damn it, Ben, please!” you repeated, pouting when he chuckled at the neediness in your voice. But his fingers returned to your pussy, rubbing your clit achingly slow and replacing the pouting look on your face with a look of relief. Eyelids fluttering closed, you let out a sigh of pure bliss as you relaxed into his touch, and you let out a soft moan of his name as he slid his middle finger into you, pumping it slowly.

As Ben finger-fucked you almost lazily slow, he pulled your legs over his shoulders one by one, laying stomach-down on the bed and trailing wet, open-mouthed love bites along the inside of your thighs. Then, the feeling of his mouth latching onto your clit made you moan out in surprise, and you ran a hand back through his damp blonde hair and giggled drunkenly as you remembered the water you’d left on the counter. “Fucking water,” you mumbled to yourself, pressing a hand to your forehead and laughing at how feverish you felt from the alcohol.

“Not funny,” he mumbled as he pressed another kiss to the inside of your thigh, and you were prevented from making a smartass remark by the simultaneous addition of another finger to your pussy and Ben’s tongue pressing against your clit, then flicking against it rapidly.

“Ohmygod, nevermind, you’re so right,” you breathed out, and you could hear Ben snicker to himself before he attached his lips to your clit again, sucking hard and eliciting an embarrassingly whorish moan from you. “Fuck you,” you mumbled once you’d stopped seeing stars for the moment, Ben’s fingers curling up inside of you and making you whimper softly in pleasure.

“That’s the plan.” His comebacks were rapid-fire today, and you thanked everything holy that you’d been blessed with such a keeper as he moved his lips up to your tummy, trailing kisses all the way up to your breasts. He used a third finger to slowly stretch you out as he began to suck on the skin of one of your breasts, purposefully trying to leave a hickey as small moans and whines left your lips.

You were unable to control your vocalizations as his fingers thrust in and out of you, and you did whine needily as he retracted them, leaving you feeling empty again. But he was already off the bed, grabbing a condom from the nightstand as you sat up shakily on your elbows, glancing at his jeans and biting your lip. You’d barely helped him out at all, you were so drunkenly focused on your own pleasure. “Do you need me to-“

“Nope,” he replied, popping the p as he unbuttoned his jeans, pushing them down along with his boxers and kicking them off as he revealed he was already completely hard. You raised an eyebrow as he crawled back between your legs, backing you up to the pillows and rolling the latex onto his cock. “Hate to admit it, but those little sounds you make when I eat you out? Drive me fucking bonkers, honestly.”

A wide grin crossed over your face, and he rolled his eyes playfully as he took you by your sides, flipping you over so you were facedown against the mattress. As you raised your hips a bit, Ben met you in the middle, sliding his condom-covered cock between your folds and biting his lip. “Aw, not gonna let me see you fuck me?” you whined, Ben groaning as he shook his head, lining himself up.

“God, no,” he muttered, sliding into you and making you moan out lowly as he filled you, digging his stocky, strong fingers into your hips to hold you still when he almost bottomed out. “Can’t stand seeing you that smug right now,” he teased, making you laugh weakly as you tried to focus on his voice, not the fact that he was nearly balls deep in you.

“What? You get to be smug when you win, but I-“

Ben didn’t give you the chance to finish as he pulled out, then snapped his hips back forwards again. That effectively shut you up, instead making you bury your face in a pillow so the entire world wouldn’t hear you moan loudly at the sudden sensation. “You’re such an ass,” you panted when you finally regained your senses, and Ben chuckled knowingly as he began to thrust again, your eyes fluttering shut.

“I know,” he replied quietly, his thrusts shaking his gravelly voice as he moved a hand to your hair, pulling it all into his hand as he fucked into you. The only thing keeping you on balance and stopping the room from spinning was the tight grip you had on the comforter, which was the only grounding presence at the moment besides Ben’s increasingly tight grip on your hair.

The room was filled with the sound of skin on skin and wanton moans as Ben took you from behind, your legs nearly failing to keep you up several times when his thrusts sped up or slowed down. When he sped up, he’d let out little curses and grunts in that deep tone of his as he pounded into you, but when he’d slow down, his deliberate, angled thrusts would nearly overwhelm your senses.

When a particularly deep thrust made you moan out his name loudly, an undying smirk graced Ben’s lips as he continued to bottom out in you, pleased with the way he was turning you into a moaning mess and also dangerously close to becoming a moaning mess himself. As he neared his orgasm, he’d started to push your face more and more into the mattress, your cheek forced into the soft expanse of the comforter as his thrusts got sloppier and more desperate.

“I fucking love you,” he mumbled out at one point, and you grinned before letting out something that was a mixture of a laugh and a moan, pressing your hips back to meet his thrusts eagerly.

“I love you too, Ben,” you replied as sweetly as you could muster – which was hard, considering the situation – and he rewarded you by reaching around you with his free hand to rub your clit, making you whimper and whine in pleasure. You were already teetering on the edge, and this was making it almost impossible to hold out any longer. “Shit, I’m close, babe.”

“Me too, fuckin’ hell,” he breathed out, speeding up his thrusts as much as he could and matching the pace with his hand. He let go of your hair, instead moving that hand back to your hip and squeezing it encouragingly. “Come for me, babygirl.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” you cried out as the dual stimulation became too much, and you felt your high take over as every nerve-ending in your body simultaneously felt like it was shocked with a high-voltage energy.

Ben bit his slightly swollen lip, trying to stave off his orgasm as long as he could, but the feeling of you clenching around him mixed with the sound of your breathy, high-pitched moans was too much, and he had to move his other hand to your hips to hold you to him as his hips stuttered. Buried inside of you, he released into his condom while groaning your name brokenly, digging his fingers into your hips. Halfway through, he pulled out, giving his cock a few quick pumps with his hand to finish himself off.

You were down off your high first, Ben close behind, and you could barely walk without wobbling as you climbed off the bed, making your way to the master bath and grabbing wet washcloths – one for him, one for you. You cleaned yourself up, then returned to the bedroom, slightly more sure that you weren’t going to fall over on the way back, and you tossed the washcloth to him. He’d already disposed of the condom, and he gladly accepted the towel before cleaning himself up, then pulling on his boxers.

You tugged his sweater and your panties on, crawling into bed and curling into his side as he joined you, pulling the covers over the both of you. You were still reasonably tipsy, and you giggled as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, having already caught his breath.

“God, your stamina,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder and shaking your head before nuzzling his neck, moving to lay halfway on top of him.

“As I said earlier,” he reminded you, wrapping his muscled arms around your waist and resting one of his hands on your ass, giving it a gentle pinch. “Confidence in my abilities. You should give it a try.”

“I should have confidence in your abilities?” you joked, only slurring your speech a bit, and Ben chucked before giving your hip a light pat as he shook his head.

“Well, that’s not what I meant. But that too.”

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#ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader smut #ben hardy smut #ben hardy smut imagine #borhap imagine #borhap smut #borhap

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 5 years ago

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Imma send you an STS ask cause I wanna hear you talk about The Boys(TM). Anyways tell me about whether either of them have a comfort drink (coffee, tea, nuka cola?). Are there any that don't exist any more in fnv? Have they ever brought each other that drink? :)

hello thank you i’ve chosen this opportunity to ramble on about the wide variety of consumable liquids in this game, irradiated and otherwise. i cut a bit where someone’s in a “pharmacy”, and one of the tonic ingredients is irradiated seawater. which isn’t in the game, but should be.

everyone’s comfort drink is alcohol. nobody has a particularly healthy relationship to alcohol in New Vegas. my personal alcohol preferences are really polar opposite from the boys’ (TM)- i like the frilliest sweetest most nonsensical drinks possible when i’m out and about. the only things in my fridge right now are rum and vodka for rum & cokes and screwdrivers. the one exception is a gin and tonic, which i have a craving for about twice a year.

anyway, Angel has always struck me as a whisky man? not that you can get real scotch anymore post-War. i imagine local whisky is probably corn, really rough, one-note. i am imagining Blondie finding a rare unopened pre-War whisky while they’re out poking around some ruins, but I don’t really want to think about what that two-hundred-year-old bottle would taste like.

if coffee were a more common item in this universe, I think Angel would be real into it. very much a comforting small rituals man what with the pipe and all. in one of the DLCs, you encounter the consumable Black Coffee made from roasted coyote tobacco chew and mesquite pods. i imagine it’s an acquired taste. there are no real teas or tisanes mentioned in this game except for Bitter Drink, which is the Legion’s stimpak version, sort of. this Blondie does not feel like he would like coffee or tea. i have nothing more than a vague gut feeling to base that on. no i do have something to base that on. the Legion does a lot of forced marches and camping cold and moving fast with no time for small comforts. i think there was never time for coffee or tea and he’s never gotten in the habit.

i am desperately trying to work the Angel Face cocktail into this thing bc I had one last week and WOW it’s got a fucking kick. mine was 1/1/1 gin/apricot brandy/calvados, although anything in the peach and apple family can be substituted. it’s sort of dusty? very sweet.

there is a beer brewer’s shack in-game, but I don’t think beer is their drink of choice.

i imagine Blondie has drunk a lot of gutrot moonshine and tequila in his life running around with Tuco. Cass’ moonshine recipe involves a fission battery, yeast, mutfruit, and maize. so that’s the general Mojave flavor profile we’re working with there. Angel will bring him some tequila as a peace offering at some point.

ready access to reasonably-priced purified water is still sort of a weird new thing to him, and it always feels very expensive and luxurious. angel has rarely, if ever, drunk irradiated water out of desperation.

i don’t think Angel is terribly fond of soda- if it’s the only hydration available in an emergency, sure, but i don’t think he has a sweet tooth. Blondie does like sarsaparillas, indifferent on Nuka Colas. in my brain, a Nuka Cola is a fizzier Mexican Coca Cola. don’t ask me why or how i came to that conclusion bc I don’t know but I do feel very strongly about that.

#ty!!!#ain't that a kick in the head #sybilius

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annabeth-graecus · 6 years ago

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When I Taste Tequila

I'm a slut for college AUs recently and it's been so long since I've written anything I wanted to give this a go as a sort of warm up.

Song for this one is Tequila by Dan and Shay bc it's obviously where I got the inspiration for this

Also I’ve started posting my stuff on my AO3 account so go check it out pls kudos and likes inflate my ego

I tried to update the title and fucked up the formatting of this so soz about that

Percy can still remember the first time he laid his eyes on Annabeth.

He was at a college party during freshman year, having spent nearly the entire day trying to convince Jason to tag along with him.

“I don’t do parties.” Jason had huffed, reluctantly following Percy up the driveway to the frat house where the party was in full swing. Music was blaring from the open windows and shaking the floor.

Percy turned back to his friend and put his hands on his shoulders. “It’s time to step out of your comfort zone, my good friend.” When he saw Jason’s skeptical expression Percy rolled his eyes.

“That cute girl you like from your social sciences class will be there.” He said, smirking.

Jason’s mouth opened and closed. “I don’t- I never said-” He stuttered as Percy turned back towards the house and made his way up the driveway, chuckling. He caught up with Percy, muttering that he hated him as they approached the door.

“I don’t even know why I’m still friends with you.” Jason said.

Percy and Jason had been friends since middle school, after Jason had moved from California with his mother to New York to live with his dad. Him and Percy had hit it off straight away, and became thick as thieves as the years progressed. They were both lucky that they were accepted into the same college, meaning they could live together and avoid the awkwardness of sharing a dorm with someone they didn’t know.

“Because you’d be lost without me.” Percy responded, wrapping his arm around Jason’s shoulder.

“Sure.” Jason said.

It was true. Jason wasn’t sure exactly where he’d be if Percy hadn’t come to save him that first day of middle school. He will always remember that trouble maker smile when Percy approached him, sticking out his hand and introducing himself.

Jason was the first to enter the house. “Wow.” Jason said. He’d never been in a frat house before, and was completely taken away by the size. A large staircase led up to the second floor, a huge foyer and archway leading into the living room. There were already loads of people in the house, chatting and drinking. It was a huge house, bigger than any that Percy had certainly been in. They walked through the main hallway into the open plan living room, where the majority of people were.

“Percy, Jason!” A voice said behind them. The two turned to see Frank, one of Percy’s classmates, smiling wide at them.

“Frank, my man.” Percy said, going in to give him a bro hug. Jason smiled at him.

“You guys just get here?” Frank asked, grabbing some beers from a box by his feet and passing them to the two.

Percy nodded, opening the beer and cheersing with the others.

The three chatted for a while, chatting about college and making their way through a few beers. Percy didn’t realise how much he’d drank until he scanned the party again, and dicovering that the room was spinning more than it had been when he first arrived. When he looked at Jason he seemed the same.

“Oh, you need to meet my friend Hazel.” Frank suddenly said, his eyes scanning the crowd. “Hazel!” He shouted.

Suddenly a girl who could have been no taller than 5″3 appeared in front of them. Her curly hair was in braids, and her eyes glittered gold when she smiled.

“Hazel, this is Jason and Percy, my friends I told you about.” Frank said, gesturing to them.

Hazel smirked at Jason. “I see what Piper meant.” She said, stifling her laughter when she saw Jason choke on his beer and his cheeks flush red.

Jason coughed. “Piper? What- what do you mean?” He stuttered.

Hazel just smiled and turned to Frank. “Want to do some kareoke?”

Frank laughed. “You know me so well.” He glanced back at Jason and Percy.

Percy clapped Jason’s back, attempting to bring his friend back down to earth. “Come on, let’s go explore more of the party.” He nodded at Frank and Hazel. “We’ll see you guys in a bit.”

They weaved their way through the crowd, heading into the kitchen. The music was so loud Percy could feel the bass in his chest.

Jason was still reeling at what Hazel had said to him. “What do you think Hazel means, ‘I see what Piper meant’?” He took another sip of beer. “Does Piper know who I am?”

“You stare at her enough during classes, maybe she’s finally noticed her stalker.” Percy said.

Jason scowled. “I don’t stare at her.”

“Dude.” Percy said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve seen you in class. I’m suprised you even manage to make notes in between staring at her and dribbling.”

Jason glared at him. “I don’t-”

“Jason?” A voice said from behind him.

Jason whirled around and nearly had a heart attack when he saw who said his name.

“P-Piper.” He said.

Piper was wearing a pair of high waisted shorts and a crop top, leaving gorgeous glowing skin on show. Jason swallowed as he looked at Piper, trying to not make it look like he was checking her out.

Even though he totally was.

She smiled at him. “I’ve seen you around in a few of my classes, just thought I’d say hi.” She said, biting her lip.

Jason didn’t realise he was staring until Percy had bumped his shoulder.

“Say something!” He whisper shouted.

Jason snapped back. “Um- yeah, social sciences right?”

Jason didn’t think she could get any more beautiful, but when she smiled again he nearly melted right there and then.

“Yeah.” She turned back to the crowd of people in the middle of the living room. She looked at him. “Do you want to grab a drink?” She asked, tilting her head at him.

“Yes-uh yeah I’d like that.” Jason said, his reply instant. Piper smiled again and pulled on his hand, taking him away.

Percy chuckled at them, flashing Jason a thumbs up when he turned back towards his friend, mouthing ‘what the fuck?’ to him.

That was when Percy saw her.

In the middle of the crowd was the most beautiful girl he had ever set his eyes on. Her golden curls were practically glowing as she moved. She was holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, laughing and dancing with the others. She was wearing a sorority sweatshirt, but he couldn’t quite make out the name.

Percy’s mother had always taught him to respect women, but she really was hot.

Percy immediately felt his knees go weak as he watched her twist and turn, her smile as bright at her hair. Percy took a sip of beer and stared at her, in awe.

Then suddenly girl began to move away from the crowd and head towards the kitchen.

Right towards Percy.

The two made eye contact and Annabeth smiled at him, walking past. He got the slightest whiff of lemon scent as she passed. Percy, whose brain had turned to complete mush at that point, turned to look at her.

“Hey.” He said.

The girl spun around, the bottle of tequila still in her hand, but this time it was accompanied by two shot glasses. “Hey.” She said, smiling at him again. She set the glasses down.

“I’m Percy.” He said.

The girl took a swig from the bottle. “Annabeth.” She offered the bottle towards him.

Even her name was enough to make Percy feel weak. He could hear the West Coast accent as she said her name. He took the tequila from her hand and sipped, ignoring the burning sensation as it slipped down his throat.

“I haven’t seen you around NYU. What’s your major?” He asked, trying to casually lean back on the kitchen counter. He offered the bottle back to her.

Annabeth took it. “Oh, I’m not actually at NYU. I go to Cornell- architecture. My friend Piper dragged me to this party.” She pointed in the direction of Piper, who was standing with Jason.

“Is that blond guy with Piper your friend?” Annabeth asked.

Percy nodded. “Uh- yeah, Jason.”

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “She hasn’t shut up about him since the beginning of semester.”

Percy nodded. “Yeah, it’s been the same with him.” They both laughed and settled into a silence. Percy looked at Annabeth, taking in her appearance. The way her tanned skin seemed to glow, her blonde tresses and those eyes. Up close they were even more stunning and reminded him of a stormy day, clouds swirling and colliding.

“So, Cornell?” Percy blew air out of his cheeks. “Wow.”

Annabeth ducked her head. “Yeah, wanted to get away from my parents so moving across the country seemed like the best thing.”

Percy could tell there was a whole story behind that, but didn’t want to pry. He was also far too drunk to be having deep conversations.

“You’re from the West Coast?” He asked, sipping his beer.

Annabeth nodded. “San Fran born and raised. Although I did used to go to a summer camp on Long Island.” She frowned, trying to remember the name.

Percy tilted his head. “It wasn’t camp Half Blood was it?”

Annabeth’s eyes lit up. “Yes! How did you know?”

Percy chuckled. “I used to go there too.”

Annabeth hit his arm. “No way! Which cabin were you in? I was in 6.”

Percy loved the way her eyes shined as she was talking. “Cabin 3.”

She nodded. “Ah, that’s probably why I never saw you.” She was all of a sudden standing very close to him now, and he could smell her lemon scented shampoo even better now.

Percy’s breath hitched in his throat. “Yeah I uh- I only went for a few years.”

His mother had sent him to Camp Half Blood when he was 13 and he kept going until he was 16. It was more of a way to get Percy out of the apartment in order to avoid his step-dad Gabe, who wasn't the nicest person to be around. He had enjoyed it a lot, making friends and having an escape from his life. He wished that he had bumped into Annabeth at some point.

Annabeth smiled again and Percy had to grip onto the counter to stop him from losing it.

She looked over at Jason and Piper, who were still talking.

“They seem to be getting on well.” She said. “Now I understand why she hasn’t stopped banging on about him.”

Percy felt a pang of jealousy and sipped his beer.

Annabeth shrugged. “Not really my type though.” When she looked at him she had a glint in her eye.

Percy raised his eyebrow. “What’s your type then?”

Annabeth shrugged innocently. “Oh I don’t know. Tall, dark hair, green eyes.”

Percy felt his heart stop momentarily as he stared at Annabeth, his mouth wide open.

“Come on,” She said, picking up the shot glasses and taking his hand. “Let’s go do some tequila shots.”

Percy happily let her drag him away.

“Hey, you alright?”

Percy snapped out of his reverie, looking over at Annabeth. They were sat at the bay window of their apartment, toes touching and mugs of tea in their hands. Their college days were far behind them now. His eyes gazed at her face, then to her growing stomach, a small smile playing on his lips. He then realised she was wearing her old sorority sweatshirt, baggier now after so many years.

“Yeah.” Percy answered, blowing on his mug and taking a sip.

Annabeth gave him a warm smile, resting a hand on her bump “Where did you go?”

Percy shook his head. “Just...remembering our college days.”

Annabeth hummed. “It was a good time, wasn’t it?”

Percy reached for her hand, stroking it gently. “It certainly was.”

#percabeth #percabeth fluff #percy jackson and the olympians #Heroes of Olympus #jasiper #frank zhang #hazel levesque #jasiper fluff #oh wow it's been so long since I've written anything #fluff

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visionssofgideon · 7 years ago

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In-depth Reflection on Kingsman: The Golden Circle (Spoilers)

FUCKING SPECTACULAR, EH!

After so much waiting, watching new promos and trailers everyday, I watched Kingsman: The Golden Circle today! The sequel to my favorite movie of all time! And BOY, I have so many thoughts. I am going to try to go as in-depth as I can, and as much in order as I can but BEWARE this is nearly a shit post with me pouring all of my feelings into it and will have random points all over the place, but mainly is me trying to process everything, this is A LOT (it’s 3k) and basically a summary of the movie

SPOILER ALERT!!! OBVIOUSLY LOL okAY LET’S GO

They started off the fucking MOVIE with Take me Home, Country Roads on a bagpipe FUCK

FUCK YEAH EGGSY UNWIN! GARY UNWIN! MY MAN! MY DUDE! MY SON! YOU LOOK SO FINE IN THAT SUIT, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR DECEASED HUSBAND shit too soon

IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN A MINUTE CHARLIE GET THE FUCK OUT IDC HOW YOU SURVIVED GO AWAY also ALL THESE CARS OH FUCK IS THIS ALL POPPY! Anyways Yes yes yes EPIC drifting cab scene! Eggsy has grown so much yeah boy you kick his ass! I love this drifting cab scene, they built a custom cab that could drift how amazing is that! But oh nooo, ugh Charlie’s stupid arm made the poisonous blade kill the driver :(

Eggsy can hold his breath because he was training for the marines but also throwback to his training when he was the only one that was smart enough to see the two-way mirror! The police were like yOu wOt m8 @ Eggsy but iT’S OKAY there’s a secret Kingsman entrance under the lake! By the way HI MERLIN I LOVE YOU YOU SCOTTISH MAN but Eggsy you are a BRAVE man for jumping into shit! On a side not, the hand just hacked into Kingsman holy shite

HI TILDE agh prefer Eggsy with the love of his life, Harry Hart, but you DAMN brave for wanting to kiss a shit-covered Eggsy! Also HI JB YOU’VE GROWN SO MUCH! But wait, EGGSY MOVED INTO HARRY’S HOUSE! Just like the fanfics said! That makes me so happy

Cool transition from a bag of pot to Cambodia! Poppy is FUCKING CRAZY, actual psychopath, I mean cannibalistic burgers, delicious! Those dogs are cool, more realistic than other movies, but rip people who are put through the shredder! Ngl that burger looks pretty good

AW TILDE TRYING TO TEACH EGGSY MANNERS BUT FUCK HERE IS THE DELETED HARTWIN BREAKFAST SCENE FROM TSS! THE MYTHICAL BREAKFAST SCENE IS REAL! Eggsy paying close attention to his lover Harry Hart is

The fact that Eggsy has to hold back tears when simply thinking of Harry is so :( And he even asks Mr. Pickles, because he remembers Harry’s love for him. Eggsy Unwin was in love with Harry Hart, okay.

“Galahad, late again” HAHA just like Harry used to be! Hi off-brand Michael Caine-looking Arthur! ROXY MORTON IS MY GIRLFRIEND HI I LOVE YOU OKAY I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN BUT I LOVE YOU! She looks so fly, so does Eggsy and Merlin! Also bye @Charlie I can’t believe he survived armless and now works for the craziest person ever!

Honestly rip this guy who just got the golden circle tat and is eating his friend in the form of a burger which btw looks pretty good! Welcome to hell!

Oh nice, the dinner scene! Eggsy is such a gentleman but he actually loves Tilde? He’s actually doing this wow and it’s all because Roxy Morton aka my gf is helping him out! Of course he doesn’t know about spanish painter Frida Kahlo! Roxy ugh ur da best from galahad, and roxy asking best friend or best agent? Both ;) AGH also NICE Eggsy started his own wall like Harry’s of the menial news! UGH Eggsy’s friend is so dumb what is he DOING! AHHHH HAND GRENADE and Eggsy cursing 100x in front of Tilde’s parents

NO NO NO BOMBING EGGSY’S PLACE! Everything is gone ALL OF HARRY’S STUFF! NO JB NONO EGGSY’S FRIEND! WHAT THE WHERE DID THESE MISSILES COME FROM oh fucking POPPY

Roxy knew, she knew, she even tried to escape but… Roxy Morton! MATTHEW VAUGHN I am utterly disgusted and disheartened! Roxy had so much potential, and remaining in a platonic relationship with Eggsy, their friendship was amazing! She was a brilliant agent, not to mention um the only female!? DENIAL! DENIAL! Roxy survived, she tried escaping, so she survived! WE WILL SEE ROXY MORTON IN THE THIRD KINGSMAN MOVIE OKAY

Arthur is dead, all the Kingsman including Percival are dead… Poppy is absolutely crazy, and is giving Charlie a new arm! God, from the trailer, the crazy slingshot arm! Agh no no no this won’t be good…

Eggsy, all alone, in despair. And here go Merlin and Eggsy blaming each other, for possible betrayal! And god Eggsy, Eggsy telling it like it is, everybody is dead, JB, Roxy, his friend, everybody… but Merlin told him to not shed a tear, to hold in emotion, as if he has done this before.

Thus, the doomsday protocol ensues- shopping, drinking. Statesman whiskey! Drinking to everybody! Drink to Scottland! Haha, nice try @ drunk!Merlin! But drunk Eggsy slurring his words and Merlin being an absolute mess and crying is just…. Somebody please get Merlin Kentucky fried chicken, please

HAHA that part of Merlin breaking in, opening the barrel! Hello CHANNING TATUM! Agent Teqila HAHA okay! That fighting was great, wow like being an American for once! WOW please don’t set their balls on fire, that would not be good! HAHA Yeah Tequila, go fuck yourself!

WAIT BUT, HARRY HART IS ALIVE! HARRY HART, SHAVING, BEAUTIFUL MALE SPECIMAN, HARRY HART! HARRY FUCKING HART! EGGSY UNWIN’S SOULMATE! He is alive, and beautiful as ever! Yes Eggsy, we understand, “Fuck me” as in you love Harry Hart we get it! Eggsy and Merlin yelling, but alas, a two-way mirror! YAY GINGER ALE TO THE RESCUE LOVE YOU HALLE BERRY MY QUEEN

Harry looks all smiley! All happy! But he doesn’t know… I predicted this, his amnesia :( Please remember bby! Eggsy is all frustrated, but look at Harry focusing on his butterflies! YES YES THE STATESMAN IN KENTUCKY SAVED HARRY wow cool technology for being American, I would like to thank Ginger! Unfortunately, Harry reverted to his old self. Before kingsman or army, he was a lover of butterflies. Wow. Before being in the army, a kingsman agent, he was a lepidopterist

ELTON JOHN, THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE POSSIBLY! Telling it to Poppy as it should be!

HAHA hello champ! Yay jeff bridges! What a man, he seems so chill, I want to have a conversation with him! Champ>>>>>Arthur. Will never get over the fact that the Kingsman are knights of the round table, galahad, lancelot, percival… the statesman are fckuing alcoholic beverages how American sigh,,,,, also Whiskey, hi pedro pascal!

Harry Hart reading his dear book about butterflies! No, they’re putting him through training again to jog his memory! But poor Harry is struggling no no my bby please stop! Btw Colin Firth is the best actor ever okay thanks! Agh this scene is breaking my heart :(((( Harry’s trying to hard to remember, Merlin is trying so much, but Harry’s just here soaking wet :(((

AW JB 2.0 thanks @tilde aw okay people get people they love dogs to help them…. Keep that in mind for later for what I KNOW is coming up!

Lol mini condom and penis joke bc haha America sucks! Look Charlie’s gf who Eggsy will have to get to for their mucus membrane because the trackers needs to be… Haha Whiskey “tinder-what?” me!

BLUE VEIN shit… tequila come on mate! So sugar is 10000x worse than any drug rip :( Elton John is great I love him! Poppy is crazy pt. 2, those dogs are scary, please no! Hey, Elton is friend hell yeah!

Ahhh, can I just say, even though I don’t want Eggsy with Tilde, he is such a decent man to tell her what he is going to do! Despite knowing she’s going to be mad! NO PROPOSAL PLEASE but still, Eggsy Unwin is a good man that is all I have to say! Started from the bottom (literally) now we’re here! Lol @Tilde he actually loves Harry Hart! Anyways, time to travel through the vagina! Matthew Sexist Vaughn everybody! LOL @Merlin being uncomfortable and Ginger being total 100% chill, they are perfect for each other! i ship

HI HARRY! Oh god is this the maggot butterfly scene? YES IT IS! oh fuck fuck fuck. Okay can I say, Harry Hart is so smiley, he loves talking about butterflies. THIS SCENE GOD yes Harry pin Eggsy against the wall! Btw my FAVORITE thing is when Harry says “Perhaps you mean larvae” and smiles. Such a sweet smile! And the smiles are sad at the same time, because he doesn’t know who Eggsy is! And now Eggsy is sad drinking, trying not to think about the old Harry, trying to deal with the whole Tilde situation. God, the scenes between Harry and Eggsy are making me so elated with both joy and sorrow, because Hartwin. BUT THE PUPPY! Eggsy looked up pet store and

OH MY GOD MR. PICKLES 2.0! FAVORITE SCENE EVER! Ahhh Harry smiling, or rather Colin smiling at the pupper, the most precious thing! Young, non-agent Harry Hart is innocent and will love and cherish a puppy. BUT EGGSY, stop torturing him! Eggsy is trying so hard to jog Harry’s memory, but it’s so sad! Also, Colin Firth’s acting in this scene, is just fantastic! Absolutely amazing, to see the contrast! Young Harry Hart or CGId Colin Firth is the sweetest thing, to see his love Mr. Pickles. Because truly, Mr. Pickles was Harry Hart’s pressure point. Saying that Harry would never hurt a puppy, it was a blank, and HARRY IS BACK! Harry Hart, the agent, the man who knew he was an agent, but also a man. A man with feelings, with love, with innocence! No more Eggy, hello Eggsy, your husband! GOSH, THE HUG! Eggsy Unwin on his tippy toes hugging his soulmate Harry Hart and the puppy he got him! YES, remember how Tilde got Eggsy a puppy to help him because she loved him. If you love somebody and get them a puppy, then you know that Eggsy Unwin is deeply in love with Harry Hart. I truly think this is it. Hartwin confirmed #nice

BAR NICE yay Harry is back! Still can’t believe! OH GOD Eggsy holding back tears seeing his eye, but Harry completely and undoubtedly ROCKING those eyepatch-glasses like he was meant to! Okay, who is this redneck guy calling Harry the f-word. Please, Harry Hart may be the gayest man alive (in TSS with Dean’s guy saying that there’s “another rent boy around the corner” triggering Harry just like the f-word did, as well as his smirk in TSS when saying “my black jewish boyfriend” HAHA) but this is just rude. And Harry can’t aim because his depth perception is 100x worse than before now :( Stop punching Harry my bby! #StopHurtingHarryHart2k17! Manners DO Maketh Man, but Harry still needs to relearn! Well Whiskey going to whip them into shape, Diana Prince 2.0? That’s a REALLY GOOD FIGHT SCENE! Wow Southerners are not like what I expected! I hope Harry gets better soon

UGH Poppy is crazy pt. 3! This disease is crazy, but there is Elton John to save the day! ELTON YOU DA MAN! Anyways, yikes! DANCING HHAHA, Tequila could bust some dank moves! Anyways the world is going crazy, but what else is new? OH the US president is a dick… Trump, is that you? Low-key about Trump even though this finished filming before he became president! See, the president here is what I think of when I think of Southerners.

Okay so they’re going to Italy! And Eggsy is not going without Harry! Aw, look at my sons who are so in love with each other! Nice outfits boy! Aw, Harry can’t do too much field work because he’s still recuperating :( He couldn’t aim his watch thing, but a bang will do! BTW Colin actually knows Italian, so this is perfect! HAHA River! Lol I hate @Charlie but SHIT his gf got caught hahahah yikes… Oh no Harry is hallucinating again! And here come a crazy ride, which Pedro and Taron actually felt because Matthew Vaughn wants to make everything as realistic as possible! Because Matthew Vaughn is the devil!! Okay this is hella intense for not being a fight scene but also funny because of them yelling! Lol they stopped because of Eggsy pulling the parachute (tb to TSS) but it’s an American flag wow how American! And the old man said that was the best shit he’s had in a while, so I guessed it all worked out!

Okay cabin scene, Eggsy greets his bf again yay but THERE ARE SHOOTERS SHIT also nice @whiskey really cool fight scene and DIANA PRINCE 2.0! Okay Harry just shot Whiskey and oh no Eggsy don’t blame yourself! It’s not your fault, really it’s not! But don’t yell at Harry, he just saved your life with that cologne lmao… Okay I don’t like Eggsy being mad at Harry :( OH SHIT WUDDUP CHARLIE JUST BLEW UP HIS GF yikes sucks. Btw Merlin and Ginger working together is amazing, they are a new ship!

The president sucks pt. 2 (again, Trump?) Wow this human in cage thing is crazy, dystopian shit, actual yikes! Not to mention everybody has the “dancing disease” lmao! Look, merlehad! Haha so apparently Harry should know Merlin’s favorite singer but he doesn”t rip

Thought the lawyer was Merlin ngl

Ugh Eggsy is sad, Harry make him feel better! MARTINIS! Oh shit, this is going to be emotional. Eggsy talking about Tilde to Harry, but Harry loves him. And god, talking about when he was shot by Valentine. Not thinking of anything, anybody, because he never loved anybody… Brings me back to when he wanted to go back to his mother while he still had amnesia, who most likely passed away :( Please Harry Hart, I know you love Eggsy. Somebody love him. He says love is “worth living for”, and he lived for Eggsy.. WHAT IF HE thought of Eggsy when he was dying, but he didn’t say anything here because Eggsy had just told him that he has a gf SHIT SHIT SHIT no no please hartwin no

Aw sorry Whiskey :( He lost his gf, but now he is vengeful… wow okay this is a lot

MERLIN IN A KINGSMAN SUIT! YES MERLIN, I LOVE YOU, YES YES YOU LOOK SO FINE! And the machete is his haha! Wow a baseball and bat, so American.

And so we are here, Cambodia, and SHIT LAND MINE. No no no no, this is where it happens. WHY DOESN’T THE FROZEN THING HAVE MORE THAN 1 USE what kind of faulty fucking kingsman/statesman shit is that if it only has 1 use WHY DIDN’T YOU CARRY MORE MERLIN WHY YOU’RE SO STUPID NO SORRY YOU’RE NOT STUPID ILY BUT WHY :(((( Merlin sacrificing himself for Harry and Eggsy, because he is fully devoted to Kingsman. Eggsy trying to hold back emotion, but Harry and Merlin fully knowing what being a Kingsman is. “No time for emotion” FUCK

OH GOD.TAKE ME HOME, COUNTRY ROADS! Merlin singing in his scottish accent, yelling out like he was meant to. God, why. Merlin, such a brilliant man, WHY. And he’s distracting Poppy’s men to save Eggsy and Harry! Okay, DENIAL! NO. Did you HEAR that last note?! Merlin braced himself and closed his eyes, but he might’ve not died! Merlin, Hamish, survived! His legs may have been blown off, but we will see him in the third movie, legless or not! I refuse to believe Merlin is dead.

Elton John as low-key performer/drag queen is my FAVORITE! It’s Wednesday FUCK YEAH! Oh, Eggsy and Harry look so vengeful, and they are perfect fighting together! Absolutely amazing! Eggsy taking Harry’s blind side is amazing, and their fighting impeccable. THE BITCH IS BACK ON THE MOVIE THEATER, YES INDEED! ELTON JOHN JUST HIT A MAN I LOVE HIM! Harry Hart, Eggsy Unwin, spy husbands fighting side by side!

Okay, bye @ dogs! ! WOW ELTON JOHN IS A FRIEND YES HAHA, okay low-key thought Elton John was going to say “If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole” to be Harry’s Tilde but he said “you can get backstage passes” which is the same thing OKAY GOD ELTON JOHN X HARRY HART NEW SHIP?? YES YAY wow he blew a kiss to him I’m dead this is so gay I love it harry hart fucked elton john

Charlie can go die okay thanks bye. Okay the one arm thing is dumb, Eggsy you have an advantage use both arms lol, anyways YES FOR MERLIN, REMEMBER MERLIN EGGSY!

Okay last fights. Poppy is crazy pt. final! Julianne Moore’s acting is AMAZING, really great! But um, viva las vegans? That’s dumb. Okay anyways OH SHIT BOI WHISKEY Harry Hart knew it! FINAL FIGHT SCENE and this is amazing! Absolutely amazing fight scene of spy husbands vs. Wonder Woman 2.0! Whiskey lost somebody because of drug addicts, man wow Kingsman really focuses on real issues, like the environment and drug addiction, but the villains are some crazy people!

Okay, Harry Hart is absolutely amazing, and he can fight amazingly now! Also, Colin Firth doing most of his stunts is AMAZING! Still can’t get the fact that Eggsy fit through the lasso! This is like the church scene in TSS and I love it! Epic fighting scenes with gore x rock music is A+!

YAY WORLD SAVED! Everybody is back! And the president sucks, so YAY FEMALE PRESIDENT! I think this is @ the American govt. and Trump LOL wow I love this movie.

SCOTLAND WINE BY KINGSMAN FUCK… Rest in peace Merlin :(

YES, GINGER IS FIELD AGENT! Okay besides the Roxy thing and tracker going inside vagine thing, this is a feminist movie! Female president, female statesman agent! FUCK YEAH!

Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin, once again together… but Eggsy is getting married which, let’s not think about. MIRROR SCENE PARALLEL TO TSS AHH I want Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin to love each other, to cherish each other, even if Eggsy doesn’t know “what the fuck is going on.” Alas, denial is key.

FINALLLY WE SEE EGGSY’S MUM WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WHOLE “come live with me” fiasco from TSS HMM ALSO WHERE IS DAISY @ Matthew Vaughn you owe us

Colin Firth’s monologue as Harry Hart made me realize, that I love Kingsman and will never get over it. It is only the beginning, and I can’t wait for more. This had so much emotion, despite it being so intense. RIP Kingsman agents, JB, Roxy, Merlin. Harry Hart, I love you. Hartwin, I will NEVER give up on you.

Oh boi Tequila is kingsman???? damn okay nice hat boi

FUCK

I’m going to cry at 2 am while singing Take Me Home, Country Roads (update: I DID CRY AT 2 AM)

F U C K !

If you read until the end, you are a TRUE Kingsman fan and true mutual/reader. Nice to know there are others out there who are just as crazy as me, but what can you do when you have such an amazing movie!

157 notes · View notes

sapphicluxanna · 5 years ago

Note

1-100 pls 🌹💕

BABE. oh my god. okay here we go, it’s gonna be long!!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk I think?

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? I love winter and everything about it, I’d rather be cold than hot

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? post it notes, receipts, I’ve used flowers a few times, really anything that’s in reach

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? tea with a little bit of milk and honey, coffee depends on the day? typically with a lil bit of vanilla creamer. when I make my ‘fancy’ coffee at home with frothy milk on top I always top them off with a dusting of cinnamon

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? always

6: do you keep plants? ye! I have a succulent/cacti terrarium, some sunflowers, jasmine, african violets, tomato plants, hanging planters, and a few more I forget the names of!

7: do you name your plants? not the ones I have currently

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I love ink. I haven't been able to paint with ink in a while, but the movement of that and watercolor are just.. freeing? I dunno how to explain it. that and drawing using ink, every mark you make is permanent and I just kinda zone out when doing it

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? aight listen. my future s/o is gonna have to deal with this a lot. shower? singing. car ride? singing. cooking? singing. y'all aint getting a break even if I sound like a dying cat

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? primarily side and stomach!

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? I cant think of many at the moment but uhhhh. hmm. a few guys and I play a game together and I run the group (in rdr2), and we don't let people join it if their horse’s tail isn't braided so we’ll hunt them down and kill them instead

12: what’s your favorite planet? neptune looks beautiful

13: what’s something that made you smile today? the fact that you wanted to know more about me

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? lots and lots of plants, kinda modern, a few fish tanks, smells like lavender and coffee

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! mars has the biggest known volcano!

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? stupidly basic, but chicken parmesan

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I’ve always wanted to impulsively dye it some shade of blue just for a few weeks

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. I got ridiculously drunk off tequila at a house party and was given my first mojito, thought he picked leaves off the tree out back and threw them in so I dug them out and threw them around the yard in disgust. I have a very vague memory of this but they always give me crap for it

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I have a couple! one is my bujo where I keep lists of things like self care ideas, favorite movies and books, quotes, friend stuff, etc. another I use to draw in and like to recreate van gogh sketches, others are private

20: what’s your favorite eye color? y'all ever really see brown eyes? oof

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I don't have this?

22: are you a morning person? I could be if I woke up next to the right person

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? netflix binging, reading, aquarium shopping, walks with my dog in the woods, making stupid pancakes, and league with a babe

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? it takes time for me to trust people, so probably all my life at some point with a girl. as for family? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? I’ve locked myself outta my place a few times and had to go through the window

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? several pairs of sandals and slides!

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? just regular mint?

28: sunrise or sunset? watching the sunset on a blanket in the grass with a girl I care about

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? her voice gets a lil louder and she talks fast when she's excited about something and its flipping adorable

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love fluffy socks and patterned socks and ones with dinosaurs and stuff and I love socks so much, don't sleep in them though

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. we played a drinking game based off how we did in a split screen game, one drink for every kill, got v drunk that night

33: what’s your fave pastry? I love baclava but I’m horribly allergic to walnuts

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I still have it! my dad went down to south carolina a lot and I was, and still am, very much in love with alligators. I think I was six or something but he came home with this giant garbage bag and was moving it like there was an animal inside and when I opened it, it was a giant stuffed alligator. he's currently sitting on my bed, but seems a lot smaller now

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I really wanna get into using thicker paper for letters with pressed wax seals and pressed flowers

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? I don’t really focus on individual bands too much tbh, I bounce around a lot within genres. anything happy and country atm

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I’m tryna keep it cleaner, better habit to make myself get into

38: tell us about your pet peeves! people smoking around me (I don't care that you smoke whatever, I just ask you don't do it around me bc it makes me feel sick), a group of people that takes up the whole sidewalk going incredibly slow, people that cut me off in traffic without turn signals, people who f around in the tsa line and don't get ready then stand there for ten minutes taking everything off for the scanner and hold us up, “there” and “their” and “they’re” misuses, etc. jeez, didn't realize I had so many and that's not even all of them

39: what color do you wear the most? blue?

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I love my claddagh ring, my mom and sister both have the same one and we all match. currently not wearing it bc it was like 100 degrees F then other day and it burned my finger?????

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? asoiaf!!!!

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! I like this lil coffee shop about half an hour away, every drink has an individual and funny name and the workers are nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I honestly can’t remember, but I could really go for this right now

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? uhhhh it’s been a bit? lotta stressors recently

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? I try to, should've listened to them regarding some stuff and I didn’t

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. what do you call a blind dinosaur? a do-you-think-he-saurus.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? broccoli

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? santa and the dark, no on both accounts now

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? no, I just use apple music

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? I dunno about odd, but I keep seashells and shark teeth I find on beaches

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? somebody to love

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? uhhhh I’m bad at keeping up with when these come out but probably the “wait was anyone going to tell me ___ or was I supposed to find out in this ___”

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I haven't seen these sorry!

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? my dad

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? I honestly cannot think of this right now

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when they get excited about something, when their eyes sparkle a bit in sunlight, when they’re touchy (only certain ones), compassion, weird hobbies and interests, etc

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? it’s an experience. listen with headphones on high or don't listen to it at all

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I guess I’d be the wine mom bc I don't drink heavily too often with my friends cause I’m usually the dd, vodka aunt would go to my friend S cause hell she puts that shit away fast

59: what’s your favorite myth? I love greek mythology

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? sappho

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? a lil cat bank that grabs a coin with its paw and drags it into the box and a potato, respectively

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? not usually

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I kept all of my books on a shelf before the move but idk what imma do with them now bc I have no room for a bookcase so they're kinda messy rn

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? pale blue and cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a friend who moved away a few years ago, I miss her

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? oooooh. hmm. lots of blues and pinks and purples with lil twisty brown vines?

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? I love them, 10/10, perfect.

68: what’s winter like where you live? we either get 3 feet of snow overnight or a dusting, there’s no in between

69: what are your favorite board games? I cant remember the last time I played a board game??? I liked the game of life and monopoly when I was a kid

70: have you ever used a ouija board? nope

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? whatever happens to be in the cabinet!

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? I have the memory of a goldfish

73: what are some of your worst habits? letting people get away with things they've done to me, being too lenient with people that make me uncomfortable, etc

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re such a good friend and we have enough years built into our friendship that we can go a few weeks without talking and be right where we left off. they’re kind and caring and ready to help people when they need it

75: tell us about your pets! my cat is an 8 year old lil grump, but he gets so freaking affectionate and lovey too. he knows when I’m anxious and will come up and sit on my chest and purr. my dog’s a ball of jumping energy, she's always excited and happy, she’s only 2 so hopefully she’ll mellow out. then my clownfish are flipping adorable even though they try to bite my fingers when I’m working on the aquarium

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? unpacking and socializing with family

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I don't care about them really, but the facebook minion memes passed around by moms gotta stop

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? one of my exes surprise got me flowers sometimes, while the relationship just didn't work that was a cute action

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? they’re kinda beige-ish? I just moved here and I don’t wanna repaint them

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. hmm. one of my friends’ eyes are like the leaves on the forest floor, an assortment of greens and browns blended together with the occasional fleck of gold when light filters through the trees

82: are/were you good in school? I’m okay? In high school I was in honor classes and stuff and I've made the deans list a few times in college so far, but honestly I think I’m just average. I have a lot of issues with math and it’s why I couldn't go into one of the fields I was considering. I get overwhelmed quickly

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? tbh I don't look at this kinda stuff but I know kesha’s rainbow was good?

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? ye! I want a small humpback whale on my left inner wrist, they mean a lot to me and I finally got to see one in person just last year. then I have some scars on my thigh I’ve been tossing around the idea of getting a tattoo to cover up, but idk if I would or what I would get

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? no sorry! I always wanted to when I was younger but I got psyched out by guys who would say they're not for girls who I never took advantage of the comic shop a family friend owns

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I dunno what this is and I’m too tired to google it but imma guess its about music? to which I say I’m v bad at keeping up with everyones stuff

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? the princess bride, star wars, lord of the rings, the sound of music, indiana jones (NOT crystal skull, it sucked), jurassic park, and a lottttt more.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? impressionism, post impressionism, and expressionism

89: are you close to your parents? ish.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I absolutely loved st. malo in france. I need to go back. it’s a giant walled city on the water and it’s just beautiful. I sat and watched an artist on the street for a while and bought two of his paintings afterward, gotta figure out where to hang them in my new bedroom. the air smelled amazing, it rained a lot when I was there but I still loved it and I wish I’d had more time to really explore than I did

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I wanted to go to sri lanka to see my family but I don’t think it’s gonna happen, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for pennsylvania cause reasons

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? cheese is life

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? I braid it overnight and wear it down during the day!

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my dad a few days ago

95: what are your plans for this weekend? I think I’ve got another family party to go to? feel kinda done with my fam rn though

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I literally just installed 2 years worth of updates this morning, so yeah, I procrastinate updates quite a bit

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? idk what the first thing is but the others are scorpio and slytherin!

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? oh wow I can’t remember, but imma say yes? I wanna hike with my dog at some point

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. somebody to love, la mer, and some others

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the future. I hope that future me is happy and comfy with someone she loves surrounded by their plants, aquariums, pets, and love.

#this was #so long #youre adorable ily #lack of emojis due to typing on my computer #oof #answered

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sugakookiessss · 7 years ago

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tagged by @01bri . thank you so much!!!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: peach green tea from starbucks 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: my friend viviana bc i was telling her about this old lady giving me the stink-eye for blasting celia cruz out the car lol 4. Song you listened to: tequila by g.soul

5. Time you cried: last night over how good haechan looked in cherry bomb (REBLOG IF YOU AGREE LMAO)

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: nope, and wouldnt want to. if we broke up we gonna stay broken up lol 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: havent kissed anyone 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yes, sadly 10. Been depressed: yup, but i think my depression is well handled now 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah man, im a child of jesus

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: maroon/crimson, forest green, & dusty rose

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes! 16. Fallen out of love: lol, never been in love 17. Laughed until you cried: every damn day lmao 18. Found out someone was talking about you: mhm, and i shut that shit down real quick. dont mess with a cuban/italian lmao 19. Met someone who changed you: my friend caleb 20. Found out who your friends are: yes, and im glad i have. i dont need any more negativity in my life 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i think pretty much all of them except for like 5 or so 23. Do you have any pets: i have a cat named sammi and he is the spawn of satan LMFAO 24. Do you want to change your name: i used to when i was little because i thought it was boring, but now i really like and appreciate it 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i went out with two friends for lunch, and then we blasted suavemente and danced in the best buy parking lot at like 10:30 at night XD 26. What time did you wake up: around 1:30pm. it wouldve been later but my mom said she brought home mcdonalds lol 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: facetiming my friend viviana and crying over how good haechan looked in the cherry bomb mv 28. Name something you can’t wait for: GRADUATION!!!!!!! SENIOR YEAR BITCHES LETS MAKE IT GOOD 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 5 mins ago lol

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: bring my friend caleb back 31. What are you listening to right now: myself typing this long ass q&a post lmfao 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: idk probably 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ignorant and uneducated people like ughhhhhh 34. Most visited websites: probably youtube, my online course website, and buzzfeed bc i love to procrastinate by doing a quiz when i should be doing my classes lol

35. Mole/s: i have like 3 on my neck ( 2 of them are close together so it looks like a vampire bite, i know its dope asf lmao) 36. Mark/s: i have a bunch of beauty marks/freckles all over my body, plus scars on my legs for being a complete idiot as a kid who thought she was fucking superman at the playground XD 37. Childhood dream: to become a marine biologist, or go to hogwarts (idgaf about marine biology anymore, but im still pressed i never got my acceptance letter to hogwarts) 38. Hair color: naturally blonde, but its dyed to a redish-brown now 39. Long or short hair: medium-long hair 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope, all the boys at my school crusty asf 41. What do you like about yourself: my sense of humor, my sass and wittiness (basically my personality in general), and my eyes 42. Piercings: 2 on each lobe 43. Blood type: idk but i think its AB 44. Nickname: tori and grandpa lol 45. Relationship status: single and an independent woman who dont need no man 46. Zodiac: taurus/gemini cusp 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: rupauls drag race, and impractical jokers

49. Tattoos: none yet, but when i turn 18 next year im getting one for my bday and more down the line

50. Right or left hand: leftie! 51. Surgery: none, thank jisoos 52. Hair dyed in different color: shit my hair has been the whole fucking rainbow lmfao. ive dyed it red, magenta, pastel pink, dark blue, red/brown, and purple.

53. Sport: i used to play volleyball and basketball but i ended up breaking my ankle so its difficult to run around now (also im a lazy piece of shit too lmao) 55. Vacation: i just recently went to savannah, ga & washington d.c to see some family (me and my cousin binge watched the harry potter series the whole time it was lit) 56. Pair of trainers: im guessing we talking about sneakers. the only nice ones i got are my adidas, the rest are like converse and keds lol

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: i had sushi for dinner. blessed the fuck up 58. Drinking: peach green tea from starbucks lol 59. I’m about to: finish working on my english project (kill me pls) 61. Waiting for: monsta x first win (wow i love triggering myself) :) 62. Want: PEOPLE TO STOP SLEEPING ON MONSTA X SO THEY CAN GET THEIR FIRST WIN FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD ASDFGHJKLDKDFK 63. Get married: i dont think i want to get married bc i dont like feeling like im held down. maybe when im on the verge of becoming a crazy cat lady i’ll reconsider lol

64. Career: music producer, psychologist, or private investigator

65. Hugs or kisses: i dont really have a preference but i guess hugs 66. Lips or eyes: EYES! 67. Shorter or taller: i would like someone taller than me idk just bc

68. Older or younger: older, but not by too much. i think the max would be like 5 years older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: IM A SUCKER FOR SOME NICE ARMS LIKE SDJSDLKNAFGK;FKFd 71. Sensitive or loud: LOUD. i cant have someone too sensitive it would drive me insane. i have a really strong personality, so if you sensitive as shit you’d probably cry just bc i looked at you lmfao 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: probably somewhere in the middle. i dont want someone who is too scared/hesitant to do anything fun, but i dont want someone who will put me in a lot of bad situations. just a little mischievous lol

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: possbily vodka oF COURSE I HAVENT I AM A CHILD OF JESUSSSSSSSS 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: my grandma freaking threw my glasses in the trashcan when i asked her to hold them while i went to play basketball with my neighbor 77. Turned someone down: many times lmao 78. Sex on the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: possibly idk 80. Had your heart broken: by my biases bc they dont know i exist :’) 81. Been arrested: nah, and lets keep it that way lol 82. Cried when someone died: of course, im not that heartless 83. Fallen for a friend:i dont think i have

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: 100% 85. Miracles: no

86. Love at first sight: lmfao no 87. Santa Claus: when i was little 88. Kiss on the first date: depends

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: ayszha 91. Eye color: hazel 92. Favorite movie:harry potter and the order of the pheonix

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE:

@won-markiepooh-woo @joshuahxng-kong @owopinky @echoayszha @puppyoongs @shownu-the-muscles @skittleluver101 @trollintraining @blockbyung @u-r-my-bias @puervy @tahyungs @jinn1e @min-yoongle @ole-dole-peaches @minyoong-ii @spidermalfoy11 @johnnys-hypewoman @sunshine-hoseok @joishua

(pretty much just tagged my mutuals. you dont have to do this if you dont want to, and if i didnt tag you and you would like to do this tag go right ahead!)

#tags #tag game #all about me #all about me tag #me #about me

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persephonah · 7 years ago

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faux fur, glitter, gold, jazz, pearls, satin, silver, and wine

under the cut bc i don’t know how to shut up apparently dfcgvbhjn ily sam thank u for these 💗💗💗💗💗💗

faux fur: describe your wardrobe.

hoooo boi it’s like?? a mix of everything tbh. like, you can find a faux fur in there but i’ve also got a leather jacket and a pink ladies jacket and then a flowery coat. the only thing that you’d be hard pressed to find are trousers bc i only own one (1) pair, but i’ve got lots of skirts/dresses + quite a few statement tshirts (im always a slut for a good statement tshirt i would Die for some of them)

glitter: describe someone special to you.

she’s a totaly nerd and she always makes me laugh/smile bc of all the cat pics & gifs & videos she sends me and she looks like a fairy and im always heart-eyed whenever i look at her and i love all of her les mis posts even if some of them are so Damn Rude also she lives way too far away??? who the fuck even lives in the us is that a real place it sounds like an excuse not to live closer to me

gold: describe what you would call the most perfect meal.

strawberry tequila shots ok in all seriousness probably some rly good pesto pasta bc i fucking love pesto im a simple gal let me live (and then smth with caramel for dessert)

jazz: name a song that resonates with you and your emotions. explain the reason why.

already answered here but i also really vibe with rewind bc “take some time to feel alright again” and feel it still for whatever fucking reason @nakedbrownie i hate u for showing them to me im hooked

pearls: what's something about your personality that surprises others?

2 (two) of my friends have told me that i am a Nerd/”huge dork” which is quite unexpected and honestly i resent that @etoile-kid @probably-pride-related

satin: what is your most favorite article of clothing?

probably my Tight Black Dress bc i look amazing in it OR a black coat that gives me witchy vibes

silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?

not really? i think they’re all terribly common

wine: what kind of drunk are you (happy/affectionate, angry, sad, fun/wild)? if you don't drink, what kind do you think you WOULD be?

fun/wild, once i get buzzed i keep yelling shots/i always wanna stay in the club when everyone wants to go home already and i also get SUPER blunt when drunk

luxury asks

#ask games #thank uuuu #im sorry this got so long gbfhdsn #also yes that person is u i think u should be able to tell but just in case #butts of the barricade #answered

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boyiega · 8 years ago

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92 Truths

Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose 25 people to tag!

Tagged by: @unvoidance (u r too cute tysm bb) Tagging: (@velvetrpc @steinfeldofrph @bellamysgirl @abbeyofrp @billieofrps @billieslourdes @claraoswal @jcffreydean @auliicraval (i’m sorry i know i’m forgetting a lot of people, but if u see this consider urself tagged!)

LAST… 

[1] drink: dark chocolate almond milk (am i a child? absolutely!!)

 [2] phone call: my friend to pick me up from a party

 [3] text message: my dad lol

 [4] song you listened to: blood by the middle east

 [5] time you cried: thursday!

HAVE YOU EVER…

 [6] dated someone twice: nah

[7] been cheated on: nah

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: yep!!! 

[9] lost someone special: yes

 [10] been depressed: oh yes, it is a v fun time luv lyfe

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: did u mean friday night???? bc yes

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

 [12] teal

 [13] gold

 [14] pastel pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

 [15] made new friends: yee

 [16] fallen out of love: i don’t think i was in love with anyone to begin with so no

 [17] laughed until you cried: yep!

[18] found out someone was talking about you: yes 1000%

[19] met someone who changed you: yes

 [20] found out who your true friends are: no, but i’m getting there

 [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: i don’t think so

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: the majority of them i’d say

 [23] do you have any pets: yes i have a chocolate lab who is the real loml

 [24] do you want to change your name: nah

 [25] what did you do for your last birthday: i think i had to work that night lol rip

 [26] what time did you wake up: 9:30ish

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: hanging at a huge bonfire!

 [28] name something you cannot wait for: this godforsaken semester to be over

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: i think a month ago? which sucks bc she’s my bff and i miss her so much

 [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish that i could learn to love myself and be at peace with myself and that i could have a solid group of friends

[31] what are you listening to right now: linger by freedom fly (such a cute cover btw)

 [32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah but it wasn’t really memorable

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: PEOPLE THROWING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR SHIT LIKE I AM NOT GOD I CAN’T MAKE PEOPLE DO THINGS STOP TRYING TO PULL ME INTO IT AND FIGURE IT OUT URSELF LIKE AN ACTUAL ADULT THANK U

 [34] most visited website: tumblr or facebook  

[35] elementary: honestly i still keep in touch with a couple of my teachers it was a grand time

[36] high school: uhh, i mean it wasn’t terrible? but like i also don’t miss the majority of people?

[37] college: yeah this year has sucked, but i’m getting better i think

[38] hair colour: dirty blonde

(39] long or short hair: long

 [40] do you have a crush on someone: i think i’m finally getting over that - which thank god bc feelings can suck a dick

 [41] what do you like about yourself: if someone is having a problem i will drop everything to help them out no matter what (which probably isn’t the best thing, but i like being there for people because no one should ever feel alone in this world)

 [42] piercings: my ears, but ya i don’t wear earrings all that often

[43] blood type: A+ i think? i know for a fact it’s A tho

[44] nickname: alex

 [45] relationship status: LMAO WHAT RELATIONSHIP I’M LITERALLY A HEARTLESS BITCH WHO WOULD WANWT A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME

 [46] zodiac sign: cancer

[47] pronouns: she/her

 [48] fav tv show: probably game of thrones or parks and rec! i like a lot of shows but i’m not sure i have an ~~all time favorite~~

 [49] tattoos: none yet but i have so many ideas!!! << i’m saving this answer from jillian’s post bc same

 [50] right or left handed: left

FIRST…

 [51] surgery: first was on my pinkie finger, but the biggest one i’ve gotten is for my knee

 [52] piercing: ears 

[53] best friend: probably conor 

[54] sport: soccer

[55] vacation: i think to my grandparents’ in ny

 [56] pair of trainers: how would anyone remember the answer to this wat

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: nothing

[58] drinking: nothing, but i should probably drink water

 [59] I’m about to: shower

 [60] listening to: fool for love by: lord huron

 [61] waiting for: school to be over!

[62] want to: sleep for the next eternity

[63] get married: one day pls @god

 [64] career: physical therapy!

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: HUGS OMWHUGFALKJSD

 [66] lips or eyes: eyes fo sho

 [67] shorter or taller: talleR OH MY GOD

 [68] older or younger: older but lbr all guys will always be immature it doesn’t matter how old they are

 [69] romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous

 [70] nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS (like give me a guy with good shoulders and i will be happy)

 [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive

 [72] hook up or relationship: relationship!

 [73] troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER… 

[74] kissed a stranger: lol ya

 [75] drank hard liquor: yeah tequila is my life

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses: TOO MANY DAMN TIMES TO COUNT

 [77] turned someone down: yep!

[78] sex on first date: i guess? idk if it was considered a date

[79] broken someone’s heart: lol i’ve been informed that i did but i didn’t realize you could break someone’s heart after talking to them for only a week

 [80] had your own heart broken: oh hell yes

[81] been arrested: almost

 [82] cried when someone died: yes ofc

[83] fallen for a friend: yeah bc i’m pathetic

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

 [84] yourself: nah but maybe one day

 [85] miracles: yes

 [86] love at first sight: yes

[87] santa claus: no

 [88] kiss on the first date: yea

 [89] angels: yes

OTHER… 

[90] current best friend’s name: wasn’t there a question abt this above?

 [91] eye colour: brown

 [92] favourite movie: 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

#gtkmm #meeeeeee #about me #q

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winchester-writes · 8 years ago

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Drinking Writing Challenge!!

So I made a post last night wondering if you all would be interested in doing a drinking writing challenge for my 21st birthday that’s coming up in 2 months and the response was awesome!!!

Everything will be due at the end of March! So you can start posting fics March 1st and it will end March 31st, if you need an extension just shoot me a message and let me know :)

I am going to make a list below the cut with the name of an alcohol bottle/drink/whatever lol (ie: Jack Daniels Whiskey, Pinnacle Vodka, and so on) and then along with that will be a stupid funny quote that one might say while drunk or one might say to someone who is drunk.

You can take your prompt any way that you would like and it can be as lengthy or as short as you want it. There is no minimum or maximum word count!

Look over the list and shoot me an ask as to which number you would like.

You don’t have to be following me for this but hey if you think I’m awesome then go for it lol ;)

The fics you post can be literally whatever you want them to be. Smut, angst, fluff….whatever, but just know you need tag and warn about things that may be triggering to others.

If you could please use the tag #Rose’s Birthday Drinking Challenge that would be very much appreciated.

Also at the beginning of your fic let me know what pairing, alcohol and quote you had!! And please be sure to tag me so I can read all your wonderful fics!!

NOW LET’S DO THIS!!!

Now these can be whatever flavor you want them to be as long as it’s that brand name!! :D (And yes a lot will be whiskey/vodka bc that’s mostly what I drink anyways lmao and don’t laugh or ask which ones I have said in real life because a good majority of them I have actually said and some I highly regret hahahaha)

Captain Morgan Spiced Rum - “Seriously? I only left you two alone for an hour.” (@death2thevirgin)

Smirnoff Vodka - “Baby, you look b-e-a-utiful!” (@doro7winchester)

Jack Daniels Whiskey - “How come he gets to wear it and I can’t!?”

Jameson Irish Whiskey - “What the actual fuck happened last night?” (@smoothdogsgirl)

Crown Royal Whiskey - “Why are your eyes so damn pretty?” (@bringmesomepie56)

Fireball Whiskey - “He did it! This time I swear it was not me!”(@abbirae99)

Pinnacle Vodka - “I’m not drunk, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” (@mypopculturediva)

Bacardi Rum - “Okay your sass level is way too high, bring it down.” (@mamapeterson)

Hennessy Cognac - “Yup. Mistakes were made.” (@leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid)

Skyy Vodka - “So is now a good time to take my clothes off?” (@winchesterhunters67)

el Jimador Tequila - “I’m leaving and there’s nothing that you or that moose can do to stop me!”

Republic Tequila - “Y'know, they're all, 'Well... you gotta drink too.'” (@chaos-and-the-calm67)

Deanston Scotch - “Babe, I’m gonna need you to calm down a little bit, okay? (@impalaimagining)

Glenfiddich Scotch - “What is everyone staring at?!” (@deansdirtylittlesecretsblog)

Four Roses Bourbon - “Can you help me take a shower?” (@nichelle-my-belle)

Chattanooga Whiskey - “I think I heard my liver screaming at me.” (@littlegreenplasticsoldier)

Blue Chair Bay Rum - “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.” (@demondean-for-kingofhell)

Finlandia Vodka - “Are we going to have sex or not?” (@impala-dreamer)

Absolut Vodka - “At this point I’m down for anything.” (@lilredniki)

Ciroc Vodka - “You couldn’t have waited till we at least made it through the door?” (@ellen-reincarnated1967)

Jim Beam Bourbon - “This is all your fault! Why do you make me hate you so much!?” (@little-red-83)

Silver Patron Tequila - “I need you to pull over!” (@lovehelpmewrite)

Grey Goose Vodka - “You have such a cute nose and I want to boop it!” (@torn-and-frayed)

Malibu Rum - “Are you seriously drunk right now?” (@ryleeroseb4)

Kinky’s Vodka - “You’re the wrong person to be judging here buddy.” (@fangirling-equestrian)

Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey - “Why can’t I find someone to love me?” (@latinenglishfandomblog)

Hendrick’s Gin - “This taking off clothes thing is too hard at the moment!” (@buffylovesfoxmulder)

Maker’s Mark - “Are you okay in there?” (@mysteriouslyme81)

Black Label Scotch - “Wow, well don’t you look hot as hell.” (@sleepywinchester)

Jagermeister - “Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?”

The Kraken Spiced Rum - “Damn, last night was a night to remember.” (@growningupgeek)

Abnormal Vodka - “You could have at least locked the door!” (@musicjunkie1024)

Crystal Head Vodka - “How about we make our own fun?” (@deepdisireslonging)

Warner Edwards Gin - “Even though you’re slurring your words like crazy, you’re still cute.” (@winvhesters)

Beefeater London Dry Gin - “Come on! I wanna dance!” (@revwinchester)

Herradura Tequila - “Hell yeah I’m down for body shots!” (@atc74)

Wild Turkey Whiskey - “Why is it I only drink this with you?” (@iwantthedean)

Troy and Sons Platinum Moonshine - “Uh, why are we both naked on the couch?” (@helvonasche)

Clear Corn Whiskey - “Wait..weren’t we just in the car? How did we get here?” (@roxy-davenport)

Svedka Vodka - “So this isn’t the bathroom that I just walked in to? Are you sure?” (@holywaterbucketchallenge)

Tagging: @abbirae99, @atc74, @bkwrm523, @bringmesomepie56, @chaos-and-the-calm67, @dancingalone21, @death2thevirgin, @ellen-reincarnated1967, @faith-in-dean, @holywaterbucketchallenge, @iwantthedean, @impalaimagining, @im-a-fandom-slut, @jerkbitchidjitassbutt, @kittenofdoomage, @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid, @latinenglishfandomblog, @littlegreenplasticsoldier, @lilredniki, @mamapeterson, @mamaredd123, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @nichelle-my-belle, @oriona75, @paigeinastory, @salvachester, @sleepywinchester, @smoothdogsgirl, @thing-you-do-with-that-thing, @torn-and-frayed, @winchesterenthusiast, @waywardlullabies, @writingbeautifulmen

#Rose's Birthday Drinking Challenge #Woooooo #let's do this #this is gonna be so much fucking fun!!!#I cannot wait!!!!#aaaaggggghhhhhh

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deadgwen · 8 years ago

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IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias @jiilys MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START.

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU.

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH.

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but.

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED*

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

#I LOVE YOU SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT MY POINT STANDS #ALSO SORRY FOR THE SHITTINESS AND IF SOMETHING LOOKS WEIRD BC I EDITED IT SO MANY TIMES IT IS PORBABLY MOST DEFINITELY FUCKED UP SOMEHWERE #@ MYSELF I DONT TRUST U #fucshias #jiilys #I LOVE U BAE HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY HAPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY #*SINGS* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU #my BIG GOAT UR 17 NOW I AM ZCRYING RN I SWEAR I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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