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bewitching-aria · 8 months ago

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The Happiness Trap, part 1

My therapist recommended I read The Happiness Trap in response to my requests for a book to read. As someone who generally reads very quickly, I took notes to try to consciously pick out segments I found especially relatable or important. I find such a note taking practice helps me better remember concepts and check my understanding.

I originally took handwritten notes! I reproduce a typed version, with some more commentary, to really all-in on the benefits of writing here.

This covers part 1: Why is it so hard to be happy? [read more]

Life is difficult.

With each passing generation, the human mind became increasingly skilled at noticing, predicting and avoiding danger. So now, three hundred thousand years later, our modern minds are constantly on the lookout, assessing and judging everything we encounter. (p.6)

I certainly do relate to having an overactive brain that aggressively tries to account for the worst at all times. In the past, I have explained this behavior as a protection mechanism against variance, where I am unafraid of trying new things so long as I have an idea of what the worst it could be.

Though I have been able to try many new and fun things (and unfun things) without regret with that mindset, surely there were instances where the worst possible scenario I imagined was so unlikely, I avoided doing things I ought not to have. Further, I look back on painful memories where some outcome was worse than what I expected the worst to be. The surprise definitely elevated the emotional response I had.

Another essential for survival is belonging to a group.

So how does the mind protect you from rejection by the group? By comparing you with other members... (p.7)

I have had many difficult experiences with social circles in my past. Compounded by the fact that when I have brought these up to friends (and family...), I have often been told things like:

You should have seen those people were not actually real friends with you.

You need to prove them wrong by being better than them.

You deserved how you were treated.

The last one is the one I want to call attention to. It's a very negative thought, but also one that I myself have found myself thinking a lot. I want to call out, outright, that this line of thinking is horrible.

However, for myself, I convinced myself that such a line of thinking was acceptable (though still negative) because it produced the following:

I deserved how I was treated.

I dislike how I was treated, but because I deserved it, if I want to be treated better, I have to deserve better.

I will deserve better if I am better.

I must better myself.

And indeed, I have bettered myself over my life, and am genuinely proud of what I have achieved, so I did not question this whole thought process as a sort of laziness induced self Machiavellian grind mindset.

There is an additional assumption that I have frequently made that I deserved it because I was the worst in the social circle at various things I'd compare myself against. Grades, attractiveness, personality, etc.

I found some comfort in the passage knowing that this is a sort of widespread rational irrationality.

Life is difficult -- Myth 1: Happiness is our natural state

What is natural for human beings is to an experience an ever-changing flow of emotions... (p.8)

Life is difficult -- What exactly is happiness?

... a life spent in pursuit of feeling good is, in the long term, deeply unsatisfying (p.9)

... there's another meaning of happiness that's radically different: the experience of living a rich and meaningful life.

I have more or less accepted that a good mindset for living life, especially for me currently in my 20s, is to put less emphasis on the future and care more about the present. However, such acceptance is a logical brow beat one, and not one I (at least at the time of writing) emotionally accepted. Such is par the course for me, which we shall see later in these notes.

However, the passage presents this in a way that I do not typically hear.

Normally, when I am given the advice to focus on the present and seek out experiences, this is in response to me thinking about the future in some way. To that end, the conversation is usually one of lifestyle and mindset. However, because my lifestyle and mindset have lead me to where I am, and I have generally been happy with how I've brought things around in life, it's difficult to accept such a dramatic change in thinking, and emotionally I don't think I have (at the time of reading).

The passage invoked an image in my mind of me, in elderly age, telling young people about my life, and how it would be better if I had a vast number of experiences, good and bad, rather than just saying I lived simply but happily. Of course, there is nothing wrong with the latter, but I think I am someone who would like the first. This struck a chord, and opened me up to such a way of thinking more.

The Choice Point

Definition 1. Toward moves. Also known as workable moves. These are behaviors that move us toward the sort of life we want.

Definition 2. Away moves. Also known as unworkable moves. These are behaviors that take us away from the life we want.

There is no list of "right", "correct", or "best" toward moves; we each decide for ourselves which of these behaviors come under this umbrella. (p. 13)

I think this is important to call out, because ultimately this is what differentiates how people live their lives. On one hand, there is some discussion about the capability of an individual to carry out what they believe to be right or wrong, but there is also that different people want to become different versions of themselves. I recall specifically the conversation AC gave about how ones self is fundamentally transient, and that peoples behaviors are so that they can become the self they wish to be, and this felt very related.

Away moves can also include things we do inside our heads such as worrying, ruminating, obsessing, and overanalyzing. (p. 13)

oh man thats me...

Definition 3. Obey mode. Also known as fusion. When our thoughts and feelings dominate us, commanding our full attention or dictating our actions.

Definition 4. Struggle mode. Also known experiential avoidance. When we myopically strggule to avoid, escape, or get out of our thoughts and feelings.

oh man I definitely flip-flop between both of them a lot...

The choice point -- exercises 1 and 2

The first exercise has you imagine that a friend (or romantic partner, or coworker, or any kind of individual that has a named relationship) that is talking about you to someone else, and they are asked to name 3 things about you. What would you like for them to say?

Reader, what would you put for me?

For friend, I had:

Fun

Compassionate

Smart

in that order. This is also the same for relationship partner.

The second exercise had me describe problems I was going through, then a list of away and toward moves associated with them:

The black hole of control

The black hole of control -- Struggle strategies

These go into fight or flight:

Fight:

Suppression. Forcefully pushing unwanted thoughts out of your head, or down.

Arguing. Arguing back with your thoughts.

Taking charge. Taking charge of your thoughts, typically with commands, like "snap out of it!" or "stop thinking!"

Self-judgement. Using harsh self judgment to bully yourself into feeling differently. Name calling, like "loser" or blame like "don't be so pathetic!"

Flight:

Opting out. Opting out of situations, events or activites that tend to trigger uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.

Distraction. Focusing on something else, unhealthy avoidance in general.

Substances. Avoidance/forced removal of emotions by substances.

The blackhole of control -- The problem with struggle strategies.

What's the problem with using methods like these to try to control our thoughts and feelings? The answer is nothing, if

we use them sensibly, appropriately, and in moderation

we use them in situations where they can realistically work

using them doesn't stop us from behaving like the sort of person we want to be, doing the things that matter to us.

This is important, because perhaps individually, falling into using one of these coping mechanisms is an inevitability. I feel that for the sake of priorities, sometimes temporarily avoiding the processing of emotions and difficulty is ok so long as it's not put off forever. Essentially, in a time of crisis, I can see any of these things being ok if the crisis is great enough. However, living your life in crisis mode is terrible, emotionally, and chronically (cortisol and adrenaline moment), which I think I have been doing for my entire life (at the time of reading).

As with anything, there are times and places for things, and the difficult act of processing and going through one's troubles is something that requires a safe space, time and compassion in general. So it is important to seek this out, rather than waiting for it to happen.

Experiential avoidance, in general, is problematic long term because the time and effort spent running away from emotions could be used for more meaningful, life enhancing activities. Further, when the thoughts come back, they often come back stronger, and they come back when we are unable to run farther, so they'll hit at a time when it hurts more. When overused or poorly used, such tactics can also degrade one's quality of life. Substance addiction is probably the most direct example, but never listening to your emotions is a pretty bad thing to do, despite being raised to be a man and not feel anything.

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svyat0s · 8 months ago

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Hi_from_reality

Art&concept by Ol Albireo Feel free to write your stories and name arts. You also can do not only write, but draw, sing, create music and sculptures, translate into other languages you learn for practicing (and never simplify text when you translate it!). Show us that you did.

It's a privilege to be from Firokamian.

"There is a joyful revival on the Lookout! A few minutes until launch!" - Shesha Svarat’s tone encouraged an endorphin explosion.

It's a privilege to be a Firokamian.

"There is a joyful revival on the Lookout! A few minutes until launch!" - Shesha Svarat’s tone encouraged an endorphin explosion.

Channel "Faster!" got access to the launch itself, so their journalist had a great view. Firokami was launching another satellite. Another innovation. Another breakthrough. A lot of the word “another”, right? Well, ordinary thing for Firokami. Another thing, I would say. This satellite covered an area where our receivers were not. The long-ago, now long-standing, kidnapping of Alk, then still Space, gave Firokami a good scare. And although everything ended beautifully, in Firokami style, even romantically, the City began to think about how to protect its citizens there, outside, in the wild underdeveloped world. After this, they found a way to implant a shocker into the body, after this the microchipping of Firokami residents began. Yes, I know, this is your greatest fear now, a government that can find its citizen - what could be more terrible in your countries and in your time? In our time, by the way, despite the fact that I am writing to you centuries later… or rather, the author is writing it down now, but I am dictating to you centuries later, the world continues to be afraid of microchipping. Probably it's justified. If I lived outside of Firokami, I would be afraid too. But for us it is a privilege. Firokami does not force anyone to be chipped, of course. People go on their own. Because Firokami is not hostile to its citizens. Ruthless - yes, but not hostile. The only reason Firokami might need to find a person is to help them. Or ask for help. We catch criminals differently. Eric and I watched the launch of Satellite-27 on the broadcast. I didn't go to the launch, I don't like crowds. By the way, it’s nice to meet you who started reading from this note, my name is Amiy Lutherna. I am a cosmopsychologist, and I developed part of the Satellite cognitive behavioral program. The latter has an updated version 27. It is able to detect not only the subtlest signal from a gadget or chip. By the way, the signals themselves are amplified by the jammers used in the rest of the world. But this is not the innovation. The new satellite has been loaded with a telemetry database from Firokami residents. That is, the satellite, in its coverage area, is capable of finding a resident of the City, identifying them using many parameters and transmitting their location to the base in Firokami. Another surprise for the world. Another privilege to be a Firokamian.

Prometheus was invented afterward, AlbireoMKG

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tartrazeen · 10 months ago

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It's my cringe hyperfixation and I get to be hyperindulgent about it 😤

ok so mystic knights of tir na nog again lmao

I never actually want them to remake the show 'cause I don't trust them to capture the magic of what hit my brain and stayed there for 20+ years, BUT.

I just watched a ✨YouTube video✨

It's from a channel I just found called CJ the X, and the video was about Stranger Things. More importantly, while watching it, I was like, "If they ever redo this show or make some sort of modern AU of it or something, this is their new roadmap for Angus. I will not watch it unless Angus looks and acts like this. I am in love."

youtube

🤣 Not the best thumbnail but I still love the energy.

Anyway - I LOVE this. Somehow I linked it back to that random post I made about Rohan digging holes if Angus ever went away for some reason, and now I'm picturing a Modern AU with Angus going off to one university and Rohan going off to a completely different one, and the two finally reuniting over a break where Angus comes to visit and Rohan's so excited and all of Rohan's friends are like "who's this guy you never shut up about" and Rohan being like "he's great 😍 he's my best friend 😍 you're gonna love him 😍" and they finally all meet Angus and he's this. And there's Rohan immediately being like "😍 i told you he was great 😍"

Tons of energy, tons of expression, tons of performance, tons of animation, tons of thoughts - just a lot in the best way.

I'm not saying it's an accurate translation of his existing character. But it's definitely the best translation and the only possible translation that I would find interesting enough to warrant remaking the show in any capacity.

I also think it's more tied to one of my earlier head canons for him: him being a bard (very DnD-style, where he can learn magic eventually but he's surrounded by a whole bunch of non-bards who can't inherently help him tap into that). I don't think this lines up with the Fey!Angus concept too well, but yes, Bard!Angus fits this perfectly.

What's great is that I still see him stealing shit, but being a lot more creative in his excuses for how it totally wasn't stealing, does anyone 'own' anything anyway. Like - I don't want him to get out of getting locked in prison every five minutes, but I'd love to have him buy himself a lot of time just to completely fail to come up with a good reason why he shouldn't be arrested or fail to actually reach whatever escape door he'd be trying to inch towards. That's sort of what we're missing in the show: more scenes of Angus completely whiffing the getaway that wasn't just because he couldn't outrun them. He's not a runner - he can run, but he complains about it constantly. Quit pinning everything on whether he can do enough cardio. >:(

Also it was a great video outright, so I loved it for that, but also-also, I am now on the lookout for the perfect embodiment of modern versions for the other four. 🥰

I'm gonna go binge this channel now. There was a lot of good stuff on it. 🥳

ETA: oh my God, the thought of this version of Angus interacting with any version of Cathbad...! 😭 Right now, Angus goes into Cathbad's chamber and fiddles with everything in there. That's actually the safer approach, because if anything goes wrong... well, it's liked getting stabbed at a hospital: you're already where you're supposed to be in that situation. This version? He'd 100% steal ingredients and run away with them to try it somewhere else. That thing where Midar pretends to be Angus and walks in shrunk? That'd be like a daily thing for him.

Technically, doing it this way, I could see Angus ending up self-teaching himself how to make some basic potions. If a remake changed how Rohan's apprenticeship worked, this could be like Angus actively volunteering to do Rohan's homework for him - making the potions after Rohan brings him the ingredients in jail, or Angus mixing something up and getting Rohan to show it to Cathbad so Cathbad "doesn't know" it wasn't actually Rohan who made it (he would still know 😝).

It kinda brings me back to that episode where Garrett's introduced, when Cathbad sends Angus off to collect some herbs. I truly love the thought of Cathbad knowing Angus is the one doing all the powder- and potion-related chores, while Rohan does the more practical stuff and helps test the magic, like by fighting a summoned skeleton or something.

I'm still gonna think about this. :3 I don't want a remake, but I am intrigued by trying to pitch one to myself.

#mystic knights of tir na nog

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jiffyhits · 2 years ago

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Michael Zimmerman and the Story of electronicshunt.com

It certainly isn’t a stretch to say that today’s world is dominated by electronics. It seems like no matter what you do, you need some sort of gadget to do it properly. Whether it be doing work or play, everything that we do these days requires the best electronic gadgets to be at your disposal. A particular niche of note is audio equipment. Everyone is always on the lookout for the best way to listen to music, movies, and more.

I have a long history working with electronics, and audio products specifically, which prompted me to throw my hat in the ring and start electronicshunt.com.

My Background/What Motivated Me To Start A Site

Anybody who can do a cursory Google Search can easily find that there are thousands of different affiliate sites out there selling the same products that I am, so what motivated me to start electronicshunt.com? I have a genuine passion for audio products. I spent much of my life working for companies (such as Harman Consumer Group, DIRECTV and Comcast), where I both sold consumer home electronics components and trained consumers in their use.

My passion began early as I developed an intense fascination with electronics during childhood. By high school, I would buy all sorts of home audio equipment that I could afford like receivers, speakers, turntables, cassette decks, etc. to compare the sound quality and to tinker with them to produce the most stunning high fidelity sound. I was a fan of both digital readout and analog dial receivers as well. I even stumbled across several old tube quad receivers that I had to have and really enjoyed the warmth and power of the sound quality they reproduced.

In college, I refined my interests and built on my passions even further and to go into audio technology. I obtained a degree in commercial music and hoped to make it big in the music industry. I had become a manager of several local jazz performing artists in the Atlanta, GA music scene, even procuring one a recording contract with an Independent music label in 1991. While that venture didn’t quite pan out to the level I was hoping for. I gained some valuable experience that has helped me in every endeavor since these crucial learning years.

My online career started off when I began reviewing a few products that I myself happened to enjoy using (a pair of Sennheiser headphones for anyone wondering) and before long I was writing a ton of different reviews. There was no shortage of audio products to review and different niches to explore.

However, I didn’t immediately go straight towards being an Amazon only business. Over the years I did try to experiment with the various passive income business models.

Anyone who is familiar with online businesses will no doubt know what I am talking about. I tried a lot of things ranging from creating YouTube videos to email marketing, and many other things in-between.

I found that none of them offered the fantastic opportunities that building an Amazon affiliate website does. Amazon affiliate marketing combines a low cost of entry with the unique ability to use Amazon’s already multi-million-dollar brand to your advantage. This is how I ultimately settled on creating sites like electronicshunt.com as the best method for generating a passive income.

The Concept and Ideas Behind electronicshunt.com

The concept behind electronicshunt.com is very simple, I use my expertise gained from many, many years of working in the industry to help people find the absolute best electronics on the market. I do this through a combination of informative product reviews and informational content.

I like to think that my expertise gives me a good insight into what the average consumer is looking for when it comes to audio products like headphones.

I try not to make my reviews cold and impersonal. Instead, I aim to make my product reviews as passionate and as informative as possible. I have stated before that I am not necessarily some recognized expert on this subject, however, I am someone who does have a deep passion for the products that I sell.

The way that I do my reviews isn’t how one would typically expect product reviews to be done. Rather than just writing one long, plodding review of a single product, I instead do multiple product reviews and compile them into a single article that is usually based around a theme (such as the best x under $xxx).

I also don’t just aim to review the absolute best products, I also look at ones that offer good value or that may be good for newcomers.

Challenges In The Market Today

I think when you are dealing with anything electronics based, but especially dealing with niche topics within the field, the biggest issue that you encounter is so many consumers who are interested in that sort of stuff already have pretty good ideas about what they want, and they aren’t particularly interested in reading any sort of generic reviews.

So, reaching these types of readers is always difficult, you can’t just phone it in. These types of readers really want quality content, and you have to work overtime to deliver the sort of content that gets them reading and that genuinely speaks to them. I definitely think that my time spent working directly in the audio industry is what sets me apart here.

Of course, I am also not immune to the struggles everyone else faces when it comes to building an affiliate site. I have to compete with the many competitors out there and I have to work to get eyes on my site. When it comes to overcoming this problem, all I can say is that the old adage of work smarter not harder is the best option. Posting tons and tons of content may work for some, but I find that the best way to build your successful affiliate site is to post the right kind of content.

You also can’t talk about the challenges of doing online business without talking about the one challenge that everyone has to face in the online world, which is SEO. At the end of the day, a large portion of your success is going to come down to whether your site gets ranked on Google. Mastering SEO is an essential step for anyone seeking to build a successful affiliate business.

Finally, there is also just the persistent reality that most affiliate sites don’t work out. They have a low cost of entry and each individual site doesn’t require a ton of work in the grand scheme of things, so individual sites failing isn’t too big of an issue overall, but it can be a disheartening challenge that needs to be overcome.

The Opportunities In The Market

I don’t want to be all doom and gloom, I think a lot of people overly focus on the downsides of trying to start an affiliate site, especially one that is centered around selling products.

While there are plenty of pitfalls, I also think there are a lot of good opportunities for affiliate sites like mine that sell specific products.

First off, one of the biggest opportunities is found in the complete decline of brick and mortar stores, especially for anything related to technology or electronics. Someone starting an affiliate site like electronicshunt.com in say 2010, would have had to compete with stores like The Source, Best Buy, Radio Shack, and Circuit City. Nowadays, the vast majority of people looking to buy things like stereos, speakers, and headphones are going to go online, with most ending up on Amazon.

Because a lot of the products that I sell tend to be on the pricier side, a lot of consumers want to check reviews first. No one wants to spend $200 on a pair of headphones, only to find out that they absolutely hate them.

So, I have found that if you can write genuine, informative reviews, you can attract a surprisingly wide audience who are actively in the market to buy the products feature on your affiliate site.

Also, as my own site demonstrates, with the right niche, there are almost an endless array of products to feature, so you should never have to worry about not being able to have content.

My Recommendations For Others Looking To Break In

Much like there are tens of thousands of affiliate sites out there, there are also tens of thousands of sites offering you easy strategies and quick guides to break into the world of passive income. They often promise you quick returns. I find those guides, while not necessarily wrong, often give people unrealistic expectations and they often don’t have any useful tips, so let me remedy that by giving you some tips that I wish I had known when I started.

An SEO Course Is Always Worth It. Without a doubt one of the best tips that I can give is to invest in a good SEO course or program. SEO is probably the fastest changing part of the affiliate business. Google is always changing how it ranks sites and a savvy website builder has to keep up with the latest trends. So, getting some professional guidance is well worth the price of entry.

Plan For Success. Another really key piece of advice that I would offer is to plan for success. I don’t mean be cocky and assume that you are going to succeed, but rather, be prepared for how you will react when one of your sites eventually hits it big. Just because a site is successful doesn’t mean that you can rest on your laurels (not yet anyway), you have to put the site in a position to continue succeeding and you have to plan for your next successful website.

Remember That You Are Playing The (Extremely) Long Game. It is a bit of a cliché but it is worth repeating that Amazon affiliate websites, while a great way to build a passive income, aren’t a fast road to success. It is going to take a while before you have the number of successful sites needed to have a true passive income, and that’s okay as long as you are prepared for that.

It Should Be A One Man Show. While running an affiliate site business with a partner can seem like a tempting prospect since it splits the workload up, I would recommend against it. Early on there won’t be enough profits to really make it worthwhile to work with someone on creating the sites. Also, I find it can lead to a case of there being too many cooks in the kitchen. It is much better for there to be one single vision for the business and having someone else in the picture can make achieving that harder.

Try To Be A Jack Of All Trades. Building affiliate sites and working through Amazon requires a lot of different skills. You have to be able to build attractive sites, write good content, and know how to get eyes onto your content. If you don’t think that you have these skills, don’t worry as there are a ton of different places that can help you out. Places like Warrior Forum are filled with helpful content that lets you learn and improve your skill set.

Finally, Just Be Prepared To Work Hard. My final piece of advice may seem like an obvious one, but it is also something that needs to be stated repeatedly, which is that you have to be prepared to work extremely hard. Passive income businesses and activities like affiliate review sites are often sold as an easy way to generate money, but that is only true in the later stages. The early stages involve a lot of work and a lot of learning, so if you want to reap the rewards, you have to be prepared to put in the hours at the beginning.

#Audio For Vinyl #Home Electronics Reviews #home audio #turntables #Speakers #compactdiscplayersrecorders #stereoheadphones #homeaudioreceivers #turntablecartridges

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binniesthighs · 4 years ago

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what you heard | reader x changjin

a/n: hi. its missing changjin hours also now I am addicted to poly r/ship fics so here is what my brain came up with hehe (pic creds to OPs!)

what you heard | reader x changjin

Pairing: self insert, hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader x seo changbin

Genre: smut w/ fluffy tones

Tags: poly r/ship, comfort fic, outdoors sex, friends to lovers, discovery of feelings, idiots in love, with a lil bit of comedy, college au, teehee switch!changbin, switch!hyunjin, switch!reader, they’re all kinda fighting for dominance muhaha (its those bestie vibes ahaha), bratty behavior on all sides, jinnie kinda flips a switch when he gets in the mood (hehe pun intended), spitroasing (r), unprotected sex (stay safe!), sex under the stars hehe, penetration and fingering (r), oral (r & m), face fucking, cumshot, cum eating, that good, good makin’ out, soft and intimate body touching hell yeah, fluffy ending

Word count: 6.8k

Recommended listening: what you heard by Sonder

If there was something that you and your two bestfriends were the best at, it was getting your heart broken.

Hopeless romantics you all were, in one way or another. In fact, it would take even more than your set of three hands to count the number of times that the three of you had come over with a broken heart, seeking ice cream, hugs, or plates to break.

Changbin was the kind to fall in love slowly, but when he did, it consumed him, and everything that he was. He would become convinced that there was no one better for him in the whole world. He would spend sleepless night writing songs and poetry about those who would occupy his mind. Changbin would write love letter after love letter to never send them, or to have them crinkled into papery balls, and slam-dunked into his waste bin. He would often joke that he was ready to love someone, but he just didn’t quite know how to. Under it all, you and Hyunjin knew that he must’ve been scared if they didn’t love him back.

Hyunjin fell in love with people at the drop of a hat. It was his “fatal flaw” as he liked to to joke about too. The gorgeous blond man would fall in love over hearts scribbled on coffee cups, smiles in passing, and compliments on days when he had caught the bus late. This man was the kind to sing love songs loudly in the shower no matter who heard him, and would often have a new crush by the week. Unlike Changbin, he had no fear when it came to confessing, but had even worse luck getting someone to take his words seriously. Hyunjin had too much love to give, and never received enough back.

You, on the other hand, delayed love for as long as you could, no matter how much that you would dream of it. Love came to you in the forms of movies and books, fictional characters and song lyrics. You wrote about the love you had to give in countless journals and on the back of sticky-notes that had been used on the front-side. Love was more of an abstract concept to you. It was never something that you could touch but rather dream about. However, while this wasn’t the worst way to view it all, you still thirsted for something more. A hand to hold, a warm body to tangle up in the sheets with you.

On this day in particular, you and your friends had gathered for a meeting: your “Unofficial Lonely Hearts Club” as you called it. You couldn’t recall who had called the meeting after the long week that you had, but it was likely what each of you had needed.

These nights would often start the same: the three of you shoved into Changbin’s pickup, windows down, night air in your lungs, some song on the stereo that Changbin had been into these days. The three of you lived in the typical college city nestled into the side of some mountainside--a stark contrast to where you had come from before. It was the kind of place where people went to forget about who they were before to become new people. For some reason, some crazy fraction of the people who moved there, never left.

First chance you got, you would move the hell out of there: a place full of so much heartbreak and disappointment…who could dare to stay?

Hyunjin stuck his hand out the window, making little waves with his palm in the wind. You wondered what he had been thinking of that night; if he was sad or if he was happy. After knowing him for nearly four years now, you knew there was nothing in the world that he deserved more than to feel all the warmth that he had conveyed to others. It was a crime that he never got it back.

Changbin’s free arm held to the handle above the car door frame, and he flexed and relaxed his muscles as he hung his fingers there. You too wondered what thoughts floated on his mind: if he was making up lyrics or if he was putting together some grad story or gesture only for it to never see the light of day. He too deserved all the love the world could offer.

Changbin’s car sped up the dirt road to the lookout spot where kids would go to get drunk, high, or possibly both. It was a dreary and empty Wednesday evening, and secretly you hoped that no other rambunctious students would be there to shatter bottles on the craggy rocks. His headlights lit the path ahead, and the car bounced on the rough road with dusty orange rocks. The higher you got to the mountainside, the more static-y the stereo would buzz until soon all that was left were broken lyrics.

There was one spot you liked particularly: it was a ledge that would jut out horizontally, giving a clear view to the whole of the land below: you would see the white lights from the nearby hospital, and the stadium lights from that god-awful football stadium that had sucked up your student loans. Further, you could see river on the edge of the city-line, and how it would ripple in dark blue sparkles under the moonlight.

Your two best friends would grab the blankets that were habitually kept in the backseat made of scratchy wool, but this only made them warmer. Changbin also kept a couple camping lamps in his car to light up the dark space of his cargo bed. The weight of your bodies would shake the space and make the car bounce a bit on its wheels when the three of you would cuddle up between eachother to take in the scene.

On nights like tonight, neither of you would say much, but just look out and feel it all. There was a kind of beauty in the simplicity of the way that everything seemed so still up there, or how time had appeared to stop somewhat. If you were lucky, you could hear the hoot of an owl, or some other critter rustling in the bushes.

Hyunjin was always the one to sit in the middle, and he would take turns resting his head upon your shoulder or Changbin’s sighing deeply into how they would rise and fall. You hugged your knees to yourself and wondered how many more times you would come up here with them, or if after graduation, it would happen at all. It was painful to consider, but you even wondered if they would be in your life at all after everything ended.

“I’m sick of being lonely.” Hyunjin said into the cold air. He shifted, looking both you and your other friend in the eyes. “Its depressing and exhausting.”

“What are you talking bout ‘Jin?” Changbin threw his hoodie over his head.

“I mean moping about people who don’t ever feel the same...feeling sad when it doesn’t go my way...I’m sick of it!! I just wanna like, give up!! Would it be so hard for me to just like, stop feeling??”

“Oh Jinnie...don’t be ridiculous. You can’t just stop falling in love with people. It’s impossible. Not just for you but...” You exhaled out, “...for all of us.”

“Yeeeah, I don’t think that you have much control over that.” Changbin agreed.

“No, seriously!! It’s shit!!”

You wrapped your arms around him lovingly, nuzzling into his shoulder to sooth him, “I know, I know.”

“Aren’t you guys sick of it?? The three of us must be cursed or something.”

Changbin laughed out his little trademark chuckle and ruffled up his friends blond locks. “You’re being dramatic again Hyunjin. It’s not that bad.”

“Psh! Says you who hasn’t gone on a date in months!”

“Hey!!”

You flicked both of your friends on the sides of their heads. “Cut it out, will you? We came up here to relax and forget all that stuff, remember?”

Hyunjin gave out a sign in his exasperation, turning to fiddle with his little Bluetooth speaker that had definitely seen better days. The last crickets of the season chirped in the early fall air, and the little device booted up with the tiny ringtone that you knew well.

“Anything we want to listen to in particular?”

“Whatever you feel like Jinnie.”

The little blue-white light of his phone illuminated his face, and Hyunjin picked a song that you had likely heard dozens of times before. It was from that artist that he had adored to bits, but only really listened to when he was feeling down.

“Oh Jinnie.” You hushed, then wrapped your arm around his wide shoulder. “No one deserves you.”

Changbin let his head fall on the other boy’s shoulder too. When the three of you were close like this with your body heat shared between you, it was cozier than anything imaginable. While you and your two friends weren’t the most touchy of people, there were still times when you could huddle up, and it was no secret that it felt safer than anything.

Hyunjin chuckled a bit, causing his shoulders to shake. “You know what they say in those movies about people who can’t find love after long?”

“What’s that?”

“They say, “By the time that we turn thirty, if neither of us have found love, lets just marry eachother.””

Changbin scoffed, “And you’re bringing this up why?”

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t be the most ridiculous idea if the three of us decided to do that, right? Seeing how the current trend is going?”

You exchanged adoring and teasing glances with Changbin over your adorably naïve friend.

“I think you’re missing something out of that equation Jin.”

His doe-eyes widened, “What’s that?”

“In all of those movies, it was usually two people who made that promise.”

“Two people, three people, what does it matter? As of right now, its looking like the only people that we’ve got is eachother.”

Hyunjin stretched out his hands into his sweater paws and made a little squeak when he cracked his back.

“What do you say?”

“Hm.” Changbin cleared his throat, “So you’re being serious?”

“What’s so crazy about it?” Convinced as ever, he counted out the points on his fingers, “We could all live together like we’ve always talked about, we’ll never be lonely and have someone to do things with, we don’t have to be second guessing ever, waiting for someone to call us back...we all already know eachother really well so there will be no surprises...”

“Oh, so you are being serious about it then?” You ruffled his hair up a bit, just to get a rise out of him like it usually would.

“I mean...it’s not like it would be hard...right?”

Changbin sucked at his teeth, “Mm. I guess not.”

“But isn’t a marriage supposed to be like, having kids, being in love, being...partners?” You added.

Hyunjin stammered with frantic hands, “W-well, we don’t have to do everything!! Marriage is so conventional these days, we don’t have to follow all the rules, especially since there will be the three of us anyway.”

Changbin sighed, casting his head up to the ocean-blue sky dotted with silvery constellations and the red blinking lights of airplanes overhead.

“You’re still forgetting something Jinnie.”

The blond tiled his head.

“The part about being in love?”

The tallest boy shied his hair behind his ear, then tucked his chin into one of the blankets.

“I mean...I know that I love you guys. I wouldn’t mind spending the time...”

Your chest buzzed with warmth hearing your friend say it for the first time. It previously had been somewhat of an unspoken phrase between the three of you, but now that he had said it out loud, it felt even more real.

“Awww, I love you too Jinnie.”

Changbin scoffed once more and picked with the fraying ends of the blanket. “I guess I do too.”

The cargo bed grew silent while the three of you chewed on the idea. The longer you thought about it, it started to make sense bit by bit. After all, through all the confusion and the broken hearts, ice cream and broken plates, your little group understood each other better than most. When there were tears to dry, each of you knew exactly what to do. You had loved them all along, you always had.

“I really love you guys...I think.” Hyunjin finally said, and linked his arms with yours and the other man’s.

“What are you doing getting all cheesy for, huh?” Changbin nudged him with a smirk.

“I don’t know, I guess I just never really thought about it like that before.”

“Like what?”

“Out of all the people that I’ve “loved” I don’t think that I’ve ever loved them like I have with you both.”

“What do you mean?” Under the swath of blankets, your knee nudged against his, and he jumped a bit from the feeling.

Both you and Changbin looked at him attentively and how his lip quivered, and soft eyes glistened from the glow of the lanterns.

“M-maybe all along...I’ve been in love with you?”

“Like, in love, in love?”

“I don’t know...maybe?” He rubbed his eyes like he would’ve had they been lured with sleep. “Maybe I’m just, making things up...I don’t know. It’s getting late.” He laughed out with a tentative breath, “I’m saying things that don’t make sense.”

Changbin looked out at the stretch of city lights as if he was contemplating the idea himself.

“I guess that it wouldn’t be impossible.” He said blankly.

“What!?” You tried to look at both of your best friends as seriously as you could. While your heart started racing, it was as if it was against your will.

“It’s kinda funny,” Changbin began, “The three of us always complain about how love never really comes our way when we’ve already got it...right here.”

Logically speaking, it made sense. You and your two best friends really did know eachother better than anyone else ever had. When you had met as scared little 1st years without a clue in the world how to be your own people. You had figured it all out together. The ways that you had showed love to each other had been a bit different--but it was still all the same. If you were to have not met them all those years ago, your life would’ve been drastically different. You couldn’t even picture it.

Perhaps in all of your little rambles in journals and daydreams, was what you were looking for...them?

“Maybe we were just looking in the wrong place?” You offered, and both of them shrugged.

“It’s possible.” Hyunjin pulled both of your arms closer to him, and rubbed his cheek into the top of your head, then Changbin’s dark curls. He giggled out, tackling the two of you to lay flat on the cargo bed. It crinkled with a plastic sounding thud, then he wrapped his legs up in both of yours the best that he could.

Under his arm, you choked a little from his tight grasp, but you eventually let yourself mold into the curves of his body and soak up his warmth. The scratchy wool tickled at your cold fingers, and you soon felt Changbin’s hand come searching for you under the blanket too. It was a bit startling at first, but he reached out to hold your arm, then rubbed small circles into it with his thumb where you rested them on Hyunjin’s chest.

It was as if he was a bit delirious, but Hyunjin chortled with laugher until he had lost his breath, and his lyrical sounding voice bounced off the cavern of the mountain and echoed up into space.

“Why do I...weirdly...kinda...wanna make out with you guys right now?”

Changbin pinched his friend with a teasing grin, “You mean it?”

Hyunjin pouted with his plush pink lips, “I thought we all just agreed that we were in love with eachother??”

“Jinnie...” You settled your head into the crook of his neck, right by his collarbones.

“Damn. Glad I’m not the only one.” Changbin bit a smirk into his lip, then propped himself up on his forearm to gain better ground on you and the other man.

Your fluttering heart beat it’s way up your throat and into your ears, and your two friends looked at you expectantly.

“O-outside? Right now?”

“Yeah, I guess. Why not?” Changbin traced his thumb and index under Hyunjin’s smooth jaw.

“Aha! So you admit that you want to too!!” Hyunjin beamed and tugged at the sleeves of your own hoodie.

“I-I didn’t say that...”

Hyunjin leaned over on his side to face you. “Y/n, how about lets make a deal. We try it out, see how it feels, if it feels weird, we stop and pretend it never happened?”

“I don’t know Jinnie...this seems pretty friendship ending to me.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Changbin said with a sly grin.

The tallest boy pleaded to you with nearly needy eyes. “I think that it would feel nice? Besides...none of us have really...felt that...in a while.”

Changbin’s creeping hands came surveying over Hyunjin’s deep green pullover, and the other boy shivered out a little feeling the touch.

Hyunjin’s own curious hands reached out to hold both sides of your face gingerly with pink fingertips.

“I know that I’d like to kiss you...if you’ll let me?”

Both of your friends waited for you as you took turns checking with both of them. The whole prospect was unimaginable, but now...with both of them in front of you, both more real than anything you could have ever thought up, it started to make all the sense in the world.

“What do you say?” Hyunjin asked with a dreamy air. It was chilly on that early fall evening, so he tucked up the blankets even higher. It was a simple gesture, but still held multitudes of his care.

“It doesn’t hurt to try...”

You felt your face pulled closer to his, and all at once his warmth flooded your lips. It was a strange feeling your friend’s lips on yours like this, but while it was new, it was comfortable. Your friend relaxed himself over you, smiling with the corners of his mouth, and slowly sucking at your lower lip like he didn’t want to startle you with anything too fast. His glossy lips stuck with his favored strawberry flavored Chapstick, and you only wanted to taste more. He hummed with a little happy sound, and his larger hands nearly covered your whole face where he helped tilt your head a little so that he could gift deeper kisses to it.

Beside him, Changbin shook with a sigh watching the two of you, a different kind of passion growing within him seeing the two of the people that he loved most do something like this. He was a bit unsure at first, but he tucked back his friend’s blonde edges to free the skin of his neck, then sucked little kisses there too. He to was careful, and didn’t want to leave marks, but rather feel the way that Hyunjin’s skin dotted with goosebumps from the feeling and then let kitten-sounding whimpers go from the pressure on his neck.

While the night itself was nearly too cold to bear, the three of your bodies heated instantly, and you nearly felt as if the sweater that kept you warm was even too much. Hyunjin parted his lips slightly to enter your mouth with his tongue, and it was a feeling so indulgent that you tried to hide from your friend how good he could make you feel out of your own embarrassment.

Your name slithered from his lips to yours, and you tucked your hands under his sweater, finding Changbin’s hands there too on the other boy’s bare skin. Hyunjin flinched from feeling both sets of hands on his muscles. His abs flared from the attention, and he accidentally bit into your lip feeling the cold pads of fingers on him.

Now that you had one taste of him your body could only crave more.

Changbin tilted Hyunjin’s gasping and swollen lips to his own where he took his own turn gifting the other boy his affection. Hyunjin pressed his whole chest into the other man in an attempt to get closer and Changbin’s hands splayed across his back to hold him tightly. The two of them giggled a bit as they roughly worked their way around each other’s mouths. Changbin, a little smaller in the other man’s wide and long arms appeared to swim in him, and the two of them melted between the thick fabric of their clothes.

Once more your hands went journeying up Hyunjin’s shirt, and you ran your fingers over every curve and twist of his back: from the little dimples above his hips, his ribs, his sweeping shoulder blades and each swelling bit of fleshy dorsal muscle you could get your hands on. You had never realized how curious you had been for him in this way, but it delighted you to feel him this close.

Legs became anxious under the wool blankets, and tangled up with little regard for personal space, and hips writhed asking for attention that had been kept for them for far too long.

Changbin moved down Hyunjin’s jaw to give him more kisses to his tender neck, sucking harder this time to imprint little purple marks. You had never taken Changbin to be one to do so, but something told you that he was one to take pride in those that he loved, and wanted them to be his only.

“B-Bin...” Hyunjin’s voice wavered, no longer loud enough to bounce off the rocks surrounding you.

From the way that Changbin kissed the other boy, you instantly craved for him to do the same for you. Across the width of your gorgeous blond friend, you tossed around Changbin’s dark and curly strands, and soaked up his warmth to your hand cracking from the cold.

You called out for him too, and found your hips grinding into Hyunjin’s back, becoming more impatient by the moment. The way that both of them touched you, and each other was...different. There was no fear, no heartbreak, no uncertainty or loneliness. When you thought of it later, it was if the three of you could actually heal from it all for the first time.

Changbin’s eyes softened hearing you beg for him, and he helped you slide closer to him.

“Hm. You’re so cute.” He muttered before filling your mouth with his own kisses. Changbin appeared to channel everything that he had in him to give to you--it was no surprise considering the romantic that he was. He was attentive and slow; rough at first, but then melting into something much more infatuating. Hyunjin took his turn swiping his hands up and down your thighs, kneading into the skin, and then tucking up your sweater. He shimmied down your body, pressing soft lips into your belly to make you tremble from the pleasant gesture. He made his way up higher, up to your chest where he exposed even more skin to the cold, but was sure to make up for it by keeping the blankets close.

Changbin swiped his thumb over both of your lips, smiling as he did so.

“Have I ever told you that you’re really breathtaking?” He said with a tone so sultry it was a bit laughable.

“I don’t think so?”

He too took a greedy hand down your chest where Hyunjin nipped lightly, admiring the way that you had looked under the moonlight. He brought his fingers back to your lips, giving you a tiny and accidental taste of his fingertips, then promptly resumed the kisses that you had asked for.

Hyunjin worked his way back up your body, stopping at last to lap lightly into your neck with tiny fleeting love bites and delighted in the way that he could see them fade onto your skin--almost like you and him were a matching set now.

Changbin broke his lips from yours, creating a tiny wet sound with a thin string of his saliva on your your bottom lip.

Hyunjin played with the elastic of your sweatpants, gasping out a bit once he saw your legs rub together in the absence of friction. His eyes wandered slowly to his other friend who had grinded his hips down into the cargo bed with a quivering length.

“Are we about to do what I think we are?” He asked, both thrilled and shocked.

“Seems like it.” Changbin said simply after going to caress the other man’s cheek.

“Damn. I was not expecting this night to go like this.” Your voice shook, either from anticipation, or from the cold--you couldn’t quite tell.

“Me neither...but I’m not mad about it.”

“Friendship offically ruined?” Hyunjin said with a mischievous little smile.

The breeze blew through, wrapped up in the smell of the crisp mountain air. Hyunjin’s little speaker played on with his songs that you still knew the names of. There wasn’t too much light, just the glow from the inside of Changbin’s car and his lanterns, but it was just enough to take in your friends fully--the ones that you had cared for so much, you didn’t even known how much you had. While you would’ve been worried about getting caught on that Wednesday night, this mattered little.

“I’d say so.” You answered, and it was exactly what they had wanted to hear.

The three of you opted to keep your tops on to fight off the elements, but under the covers, you each jiggled off pairs of joggers, jeans and sweatpants. The car bounced once more as the three of you readjusted. As soon as bare legs intertwined and the thin fabric of undergarments got thrown into the mix, you each got louder and more desperate for wandering touches that could quell your desires.

With twisted and oversized socks, Hyunjin straddled both sides of Changbin’s head, letting the other man palm the outline of his dick and squeeze at it harshly until he shivered over the smaller man’s frame.

“Damn Jin...” Changbin groaned seeing the other’s length. “You’ve been packing and didn’t feel like sharing?”

“S-shut up.” Hyunjin whined as the other teased him.

You worked bite after bite down Changbin’s torso, sucking lightly, then harder. After long, you found that it tickled him a little--this knowledge you would save for another time.

He wore baggy boxers which hid the full girth of his dick that swelled with his erection that bopped and only appeared to grow larger once you and released him. Thick veins wrapped around his length, and his tip flared where you grabbed him into your palm.

“I could say the same to you, Bin.” You teased your friend.

Hyunjin turned to see for himself, laughing out, seeing the way that it looked in your smaller hand.

“Bin, what the fuck?”

“...Intimidated are you?”

The other boy tossed his head back, hair getting caught in his hoodie. “No...”

Changbin snapped the elastic to Hyunjin’s briefs just because he liked the sound, then pulled the other’s member out to pump at the considerable length with his fist. The blonde boy choked out a gasp at the strong grip, and Changbin dug his fingers around the other’s waist to bring in him closer.

“What me to suck this pretty dick of yours?”

“Do I even need to answer that question?” Hyunjin snarked.

Further down, you worked your own hand around Changbin’s cock which you had lathered at first with your spit. Obscene sounds of the liquid cupped in your hand, then you worked your mouth down to his gloriously thick thighs. Something overtook you then, and all you wanted to to was ravage them, make them all yours, mark them as yours, and make the quiver all because of you.

Your fingernails dug into the fleshy and squishy skin, and Changbin moaned out forcefully feeling the sting.

“Feels good?” You asked with a wicked grin, then returned to sucking bruises into the inner parts of his thighs.

“You’re gonna...gonna distract me.” He sighed out, still jerking the other boy away.

Hyunjin swiped away the other man’s curly bangs so he could see him fully. He guided his length over Changbin’s mouth, teeth clenched with a tight exhale once he felt the warmth of the other’s tongue lapping up the sides of his shaft.

Your teasing was enough, and you finally granted your friend what he wanted. With a girth as wide as he had, it was somewhat of a challenge, but a challenge that you gleefully expected. He had puffed up your cheeks fully, and you could barely take in half is length without it testing the back of your throat. Still, you focused your breath coming out of your nose, and swallowed him down deeper. Your eyes wetted from the simulation to your gag reflex, but you held on for as long as you could. At last, your wish was granted, and his marked up thighs shook just for you.

“Bin...fuck.” The blond shuddered upon coaxing himself fully into his friend’s mouth. He moaned out sinfully feeling the twist of the other man’s tongue.

To give yourself a moment’s pause, you stopped, gasping over your friend’s slit, teasing your tongue around his head, dipping down to the place where he dripped with beads of precum.

Changbin laughed out breathily, swearing easily and calling out your name too with a rasp to his tone. “S-shit...”

“Getting too distracted?” Hyunjin purred, seeing the other man made a wreck by you. “What about me?”

“S-sorry.” Changbin admitted, wetting his lips and taking back Hyunjin’s cock into his hollowed cheeks.

As you swallowed around him, your friend rutted his hips just slightly, his lust overtaking him.

“Oh fuck, just like that, mm--” Hyunjin cooed, getting lost in his own ecstasy with head thrown back, and his sweater paws melting down to Changbin’s quaking chest where he supported himself.

You worked your hand and mouth up and down around the pulsating vein’s of your best friend’s length, lazily letting him feel your flattened tongue, then switching to let him feel the tightness of your throat.

Hyunjin sighed out heavily as looked down at his friend who had taken him so well. It was almost as if he felt cheated from the crappy head that he had been getting in dirty bathrooms and semi-public dressing rooms. It was dangerous in the way that Changbin would stroke him languidly, then let his drool wet his tip.

Further down your hips, the pent up heat from your own sex ached on the cool plastic of the cargo bed, and you grinded your hips down for any simulation you could get.

The blonde man whimpered out after long, feeling even hazier the longer that Changbin continued on. “Binnie...you’re...feels really--fuck--so, good...”

It was as if the words hand been a trigger for him, but your friend pulled his length for your mouth, panting out like a dog, while also robbing Hyunjin of all feeling.

“Don’t-don’t wanna cum yet...” He laughed out, “I was really fucking close.”

Hyunjin pouted, then turning back and look at you with a bit of your own saliva running down your neck.

“Your turn now.” He nearly whispered, then crawled down the other man’s body to jerk at him lightly.

“Jin! I-I--” He clenched his teeth.

“Lay down, y/n. Is there any way that you want it?”

“A-anything. Anything that you want to do. I-I don’t care.” You begged, falling under his spell.

“Aw. Cute.” He added once he had seen the purple marks on Changbin’s thighs.

You fell back under the two of them, opening yourself up for them to do as they wished. First, Hyunjin crept down your body with as much care as he could--beautiful in the way the he looked close to you like this.

Hyunjin’s hand cascaded down your chest, then belly, all the way down to your own twitching and wetted sex, and you keened directly into his touch.

“Wouldn’t you like my fingers? Filling you up...” He asked softly, finally sinking down far enough so that you could feel his words swirl over your exposed arousal, then pressing light kisses into you. “...as deep as you can take it?”

“Mm-yes.” You squeaked, opening your legs further for him.

Your other friend settled beside you, tilting your chin nearer to him. Just barely, his lips grazed over you, breathing in your air with his hooded eyes glued to your weakened form under the hands of the other boy.

“You’re that excited?” Hyunjin mocked, “We’ve barely touched you.”

“Quit talking and just get to fucking me, got it?” You demanded, mustering all of your strength.

“Oh-ho! I didn’t take you for one to bite back.”

Changbin bit a proud little smile into your lip, wrapping his arms around you. The blond man then toyed with your entrance, licking his fingers, wetting them, then pushed them slowly into your needy hole.

“Ahhh, look at that, so fucking tight around my fingers, You want it that bad?”

His long and lithe digits filled you up where he started to thrust them in and out, using his free hand to push your jolting thighs back. Your right hand traversed it’s way under the blankets which you had readjusted, all the way down to Changbin’s leaking length which still blushed red. You wrapped around him carefully, promising his to lips that you would go easy on him.

As Hyunjin curled his fingers, the other man then reached down to rub at you fervently, matching the pace at which Hyunjin flicked his wrist. Your hips lurched feeling the combination of each sensation, and you cried out loudly for the two of them--the sound itself bounced off that empty space where the three of you existed, almost as if you were calling out for the whole starry sky to hear you.

“I-I think that we were really missing out on something...” You joked with an airy breath and both of your friends joined you.

Changbin’s teeth caught his lip as your hand squeezed and twisted, and you could see with every ounce of restraint that he had, he was holding back.

“Way to make me want to fuck you sideways, huh?” He said with a little grin, observing the size difference between your hand and his member.

Your back arched when Hyunjin reached in even deeper, and you dissolved into the pleasure that he brought you--an amazing kind of all-consuming feeling that shattered your will, and sent you mewling out into your other friends mouth.

“I-I can’t wait anymore,” You begged, clawing right into Hyunjin’s golden trellises.

Changbin scooched up quickly, taking half of the blankets with him, thankfully giving the other boy a nod when he let him be the one to use your entrance. With his brutish hands, he flipped you to your stomach, and hiked up your hips too, cold fingers holding them in place. Hyunjin kneeled permitting you access to his cock which as softened slightly, so he pumped himself back into place with his eyes holding yours.

At first, Changbin teased you with his tip, adding pressure to your twitching hole, then guided himself in bit...by bit.

The blonde tapped his dick to your lips, holding firmly the back of your neck as you took him in and choked out at the way that the other stretched your walls. Changbin grabbed at your ass in handfuls starting slowly, grinding his hips in little circles to simulate you deeper.

“Hm. Who would have known that your pretty little hole would be so perfect for me? Guess we really were missing out on something.”

Hyunjin growled lowly feeling his cock slide down to the back of your throat, brows crossed, and the bottom of his hoodie resting just above his hips.

“Squeeze my leg if it becomes too much, okay? ...I’m gonna fuck your mouth, okay?”

You nodded best you could, and he started to thrust carefully, every few seconds you would hold his member to drag it against the sides of your cheeks, causing him to huff out loudly at the fleshy bits of your mouth.

Changbin quickened his pace, doubling over your back as he lost himself in you, grunting out in his rhythm. From both sides, your best friends used you, resorting to something much more feral as they edged themselves closer. From the motions, the car rocked back and fourth like a bed and it’s headboard.

You too felt the tension build deeply in your core, and it begged with reckless abandon at your dizzy mind that drew itself closer and closer into the feeling of being utterly all theirs.

In many ways, you guessed that you always had been--while it had been unspoken at the time. Now, having the two of them wholly like this under the silver sheen of the moon, the cold biting at your skin, then furiously met with your heat, you could no longer see them as the two broken souls whom you had bonded with at first. They were now everything, everything that you had wished and hoped for.

Even now that you had become much more to each other, there was nothing that could take away the closeness that you had shared with them.

“F-fuck--gonna cum--” Changbin announced while he pounded frantically. The other man rolled his hips into your mouth quicker too, seeking the same kind of release.

“Y/n?” He said with a broken breath, and you muffled out a moan to let him know that you were nearly there too.

“Oh shit, oh shit--”

Changbin grunted out, with a bit of panic to his voice, forcefully removed himself from you seconds before he spilled his white seed onto your hole, then sending it dripping down your leg.

“Oh fuck--s-sorry--” He gasped out, still jerking his cock while he pulsed.

“Bin!! What the fuck??” Hyunjin yelled out, his words quickly turned into mumbles of nonsense when you took him down as deeply as you could manage without gagging, focusing only on him even though your sex ached feeling so empty.

When he had come down after a few moments, Changbin took to fucking your walls once more with his thick fingers, not even caring that he had fucked his white warmth back into you at the same time. Meanwhile, he returned to rubbing of your sensitive flesh, trying to replace the feeling he had robbed you of.

“Cum for me baby, cum for me.”

On cue, you came in waves, shuddering over Changbin’s fingers slicked with his cum, just as your other friend released down your throat and the warm liquid painted your tongue.

His blissful moans turned into light chuckles as he milked himself into your mouth, giving you every last drop. Changbin drove you further, overstimulating you to the point where your knees nearly gave out, and you had to beg him to slow.

After each of your bodies collapsed weakly to the bed of blankets and rejected clothing, you drew the covers back up over yourselves, feeling the cold seep in once more. Both of your friends kissed perfect adoring kisses into your raw lips, tasting the both of themselves on your skin. While your thighs still stuck with your friend’s cum, it didn’t matter as much now that you had huddled up cozily into their arms.

“Bin, you asshole!!” Hyunjin jested, and flicked the other boy’s forehead. “You fucking finished before you were supposed to!!”

“What the hell was I supposed to do?? I’d already edged myself enough!!”

“You could’ve tried!!”

“Whatever, it felt fucking amazing, don’t blame me.” He added with a smug smirk, “You felt fucking amazing, y/n.”

“Did it feel good for you too, y/n?” Hyunjin gingerly asked, falling right back to his soft and adorable composure that you knew well.

“Like Bin said, it was fucking amazing.”

“So we all agree then? We won’t forget that this happened?”

You gave Hyunjin a little nod to say yes, and your group of three hugged eachother even closer. You hadn’t noticed it, but at some point, Hyunjin’s music had turned off.

“So, this means that we’re like, a thing now?” Changbin asked, playing with the drawstring to your hoodie.

You peppered Hyunjin’s forehead with a tiny kiss. “I’d like to be.”

He nuzzled into the crook of your neck and reached out for Changbin across the expanse. “Me too.”

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @lunarskzzz

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whenimgoodandready · 2 years ago

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How smart was Marinette to have used the Mouse Miraculous during her battle with Kwamibuster to give each of her tiny clones the other miraculouses so she won’t fall ill since wearing too many causes major side effects. Monarch found this out the hard way! :P. Course, I always thought it was cuz she was younger and had more stability that’s why, so I’d like to think that too. Dear Mullo was safe with Fu then used carefully by Marinette and as guessed by fans, given to Mylene (who fits her mousy personality) who became Polymouse and helped save the day with her love for the environment (“Mega Leech”). Now, they’re stuck with the rest of the Kwamies with psycho Gabe. What’s he gonna do with them!? Make copies of himself!? Wait! That’s what happened last time. Or was that the Fox Miraculous?…….Yeah, that was the fox one. So now what!? Let’s find out:

*Multiplication-Monarch said he would attack “restlessly” until Ladybug and Cat Noir surrender their miraculouses……..Humph, look at that! It’s been months and his statement was just as bullsh*t as Marinette claiming she doesn’t love Adrien anymore. Again! You mean like when she said that in the New York special? Or when dealing with Mr.Pigeon for the 72th time!? Sure Marinette 🙄. Are Monarch and her shoveling the same sh*t pile? We’ll circle back on Monarchs words later, but maybe Marinette is “serious” this time. After all, it was her blind love to Adrien that she mistook Felix for him which had Felix double cross her and steal almost all the miraculouses to give to Gabe! Villain has a point where Monarch did say love was their downfall. Keep that in mind.

Adrien did the impossible, he finally told Gabe he doesn’t wanna model anymore! (party music plays)🎉👏👏👏🎉He finally listened to Marinettes words and went OOC to stick it to Felix that he can! (Shadow Moths Final Attack:Part 1-“Risk”). And guess what!? Gabe was okay with it!? (music screeches to a stop). Yeah! Just like that! He was like, “Okay, whatever, enjoy your freedom”. You mean to tell me all that built up resentment and annoyance of modeling this whole entire time in the show like the Ladybug and Cat Noir music video with him as Cat (“Frightningale”), the voice acting for the movie as Cat (“Animaestro”) and the “cologne” ad he was tricked into doing (“Mega Leech”) and Adrien now thinks it was just that simple!? Sounds too simple if you ask me. But, he’s a free man now and can spend the days relaxing even if the “threat of Paris” is at large! Although the crime fighting duo were keeping a lookout at his next “attack” all was good as gold as the sun was shining, kids were playing video games, doing yoga to chill and positivity was blooming.

Yup! Everyone in Paris lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when Ikari Gozen attacked. Ok! Back to the ushe, the dynamic duo stop her, but this time without Ryuko and then-HOLD UP! Did she just make copies of herself!? Using the Mouse Miraculous!? Don! Don! Don! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? WAIT! SHE DOESN’T HAVE THE MOUSE MIRACULOUS TO DO THAT!?😳 Don! Don! Don! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? Again! I. Am. So. Confused.

To clarify heres the answers to everything:Felix is hiding (well, this’ll make the Lilix (or was it Felila) shippers happy since both have the same idea of being in the dark) and his mom was covering for him when the heroes flew over to London to confront him on his betrayal. This is a gray area on their situation; On one hand, Felix did wrong by giving nearly all the miraculous to Gabe and his mom lying to the heroes, but on the other hand, we still don’t know if he did it for the right reasons to keep the concept of sentimonsters safe (like if he and Adrien are rumored to be so) and if his mom was just being either protective or oblivious about the situation. Is Felix even evil? Is he neutral? What’s he gonna do with the Peacock Miraculous!? Is he gonna tell Adrien about Gabe being Monarch!? Alix will be absent for a long time as she’s spending all her time time traveling and making sure no harm happens in the future. Phew! Least she’ll be safe from Monarch. Her dad even explained it so her friends won’t have to worry. Safe travels Bunnyx! (salutes). Guess there’s no miraculous rescue each ep cuz seriously, how the f**k are the duo gonna get every single one back if Monarch stays hidden!? Kagamies mother, Tomoe, is working with Gabe/Monarch! Don! Don! Don! That’s what happened! She’s the new Nathalie. Did Tomoe knew this whole time Gabe was the villain? Was she evil all along!? What does she get out of this!? Speaking of being the new Nat, she came back to check up on Adrien in secret. How ‘bout you just tell the poor kid his dads a psycho terrorist and save him!? It’s the reverse love square we’ve been dying for! Or not. We all know the routine:Marinette says she’s moving on from Adrien, her heart tells her no, Adrien grows closer to Marinette, but doesn’t realize it’s love, he continues to chase Ladybug, Blah! Blah! Blah! UGH! F**K THIS SH*T! I’m not getting into this again! It’s the rings! Those rings we saw in the promo pics for the season! Gabe turned the miraculouses into rings! Now he’s made this Siri-like rings, using either Adrien or Lila holograms, with Tomoe (who tested them out as Ikari Gozen) to sell to people so they’ll get akumatized and have the powers of which ever miraculous Monarch transmits to them! Don! Don! Don! Holy Sh*t! PROTEST THOSE RINGS! PROTEST THOSE RINGS! SOMEBODY GET MYLENE ON THIS! PROTEST THOSE RINGS! You know, eventually in the long run of the season, Marinette/Ladybug is gonna notice that’s how Monarch is using his new powers, so now comes the slow moving realization. Okay, we’ll see how many episodes that takes (waits nonchalantly).

#miraculous ladybug #multiplication

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crypticsalutations · 2 years ago

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Hello my lovelies 🥀

Today we are honored to bring you Part 3 of this special Cryptic Salutations exclusive!

Continuing our talk with Jonathan Lemon of Jesus Couldn't Drum, in this section we delve into his later career as a cartoonist, what it's like working solitary vs working in a group environment, inspirations, and unauthorized Best Of's! We hope you thoroughly enjoy it! 🔥

Track: Jesus Couldn't Drum's Frosty Stay tuned for the final part, coming August 15!

Cryptic Salutations: I’ve done a bit of research and have seen your illustrations and cartoons. Very unique! Was there a turning point where you made a transition toward more comic-oriented art, or have you ever combined your cartoons with music?

Jonathan Lemon: I’ve always been obsessed with comics and cartoons, although not the superhero kind. And in art college I did an undergrad degree where you had to pick a performing art to go with your visual stuff, so I obviously did music and ended up with a lot of video stuff and animation. And now it’s my job to draw cartoons every day. Apart from the brutal deadlines it’s pretty fun..

CS: Do you find that you work best in solitary environments, or when you have other minds convening to bounce ideas around with?

JL: If you can find the right person, it definitely helps to have a sounding board, but since I mostly hate most everyone (including myself) I am usually quite happy on my own. I don’t know if that’s typical for most people. With Pengwyn, we would work independently and then share what we’d done and make suggestions. I like to be able to make mistakes in private first. It’s an interesting experiment to share your idea with a group and see what happens but you have to allow for a certain amount of “letting go”. I think that’s what’s good about drawing a comic strip. You can control an entire world on your own and since I subscribe to the notion that we live in a chaotic, random, cruel universe, it’s my way of staying sane.

CS: At the time of the earliest Jesus Couldn’t Drum recordings, what or who were your greatest inspirations? Musicians? Movies? Even just your everyday environments?

JL: Remember that 1981 was long before you had wide access to free media. What we did was a sort of backlash to the big outpouring of slick branded “commercial” New Wave pop that was coming out like A-ha and Heaven 17, etc. …. synthesizer bands in expensive suits. Guitar-based “rock” had mostly taken a back seat for a while. So we were always on the lookout for anything weird and experimental that we found on the racks of the Record & Tape Exchange in Camden where we’d go every Sunday. Definitely The Residents because they had those great covers and the music was so deconstructed from what music should be and they had that essential vein of humor to show they weren’t taking themselves too seriously, and they branded themselves as such a brilliant anti-commercial concept. We had our minds blown when Pengwyn discovered “The Fish Needs a Bike” single by Blurt. That would still be one of my Desert Island Discs. The early Fad Gadget stuff (which was apparently recorded in a wardrobe) was refreshing, anything on Cherry Red (especially the Pillows and Prayers album), 4AD, Mute, The The, The “A Factory Quartet” album, etc. Psychic TV, Foetus, Cabaret Voltaire, Renaldo and the Loaf, and The Deep Freeze Mice (who I later joined with when they became The Chrysanthemums). I remember Pengwyn liked Julian Cope, Orange Juice, The Rutles, The Higsons, and the Monochrome Set and he was a lot more open minded than me and got to listen to more stuff since he worked in the music store. The Bonzo Dog Band was a huge eye-opener. Both Pengwyn and I had a mutual love of comedy albums such as Monty Python, Spike Milligan, The Young Ones, and older stuff like Spike Jones. We both hated U2 though and all those moody bands that sounded like Joy Division. I secretly liked them but I hated that everyone else liked them. We both listened to the John Peel radio show with tape recorders at the ready. The first time we saw the “Fish Heads” video by Barnes and Barnes was an incredible awakening. Oddly enough we got contacted by some guy in the US who was raving about us and we had no idea who he was but it was Dr Demento! There was a lot of older stuff too that is almost too embarrassing to mention like the first Pink Floyd album, and Syd Barrett, Faust, early Kraftwerk maybe. As far as movies… well this was long before you could just stream any movies you wanted, so just interesting stuff we caught on TV. Lots of old Cary Grant movies, all those cool sixties spy movies, and French New Wave (mostly for the nudity).

CS: Correct me if I’m wrong, but it looks like none of the tracks have been touched since the 2001 ‘Best of Jesus Couldn’t Drum’ compilation. Have you ever thought about remastering and rereleasing any of them, perhaps on vinyl for collectors?

JL: Actually, the “Best of JCD” CD wasn’t authorized by the band. I first came across it while browsing the racks at Amoeba Records in Berkeley. I had no idea it existed, so that was a surprise. Lost Moment sold the back catalog to Cherry Red a few years ago so they might look into doing something with it, but part of me hopes not. I do stumble across remixes and mashups sometimes. For example someone in Japan made a brilliant version of “Beetlebum” recently with a kid singing over it for a Raman commercial. And a few of our songs got used for jingles and we still get royalties for them.

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vintagedolan · 4 years ago

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Post fix concept #1- how did gray propose???!

this makes me so 🥺

Indiana barely had time to let out the breath she had been holding before Grayson’s lips were on hers. He pulled her to him by her hip, grateful that there wasn’t a barrier between their seats.

“I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Indy smiled, her adrenaline still pumping enough to make her fingers shake as she ran them over his scruff. She rested her forehead against his for a moment, catching her breath as the flight attendant came over the intercom.

“G’day, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Sydney Australia Airport. Local time is 9:04 am and the temperature is a lovely 29 degrees. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the Captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign.”

“29, what is that, like 85 fahrenheit?” Indy asked, eyes moving to the windows that were opening on the opposite side of the aisle. They revealed a new place, a new world. It felt different somehow. Calm, and welcoming as she looked out over warm tones of brown and the far off ocean.

Grayson looked up the aisle, spotting his brother and Eden in first class, peaking their heads out to look back and check on Indy, no doubt. He threw them a quick thumbs up while Indy wasn’t looking. There had been a few moments on the flight he’d missed his usual first class ticket across the pond. But he knew with the wall between the seats, he’d have more trouble getting to Indy if she needed him. So, they went one step down, to the reclining wide seats next to each other in economy plus, big enough for Indy to climb over into his seat and sleep throughout the 15 hour flight if she needed him. Most people were there so long they forgot they were even in the air.

Indy didn’t. She slept more than she expected to though, only lulled off by Grayson’s gentle snores in her ear as he held her tight. Her body was confused, but it wasn’t anything worse than a hard 12 hour shift at the hospital. Still, her adrenaline from landing made her legs wobble when she stood in the aisle, hard enough for Grayson to stabilize her hips from behind her.

“You good?”

“Yeah, just ready to finally be off a plane,” she chuckled, reaching back to squeeze his fingers as they squeezed her waist. The group walked slowly through the line of people, made it through the airport, got their bags and made it out relatively quickly, and fresh air never smelled sweeter than on the curb before they climbed into their uber.

It didn’t hit Indy until they were there, scrunched up in the back with her between both the twins and Eden in the passenger seat.

“I did it. I actually fucking did it,” she said to herself. She turned to Grayson with a smile. “We’re here. I’m in fucking Australia!” Despite herself, she started to tear up a bit. Somewhere, tucked away, was ten year old Indy, leaping for joy at the fact that she’d accomplished something she never thought she’d be able to do.

“Hell yeah we are!” Ethan cheered, wrapping an arm around Indy’s shoulder and shaking her just barely. “Proud of you sis.”

Indy blinked back her tears and leaned against Grayson, closing her eyes as they made their way to their home for the next week and a half.

Grayson held her head against his shoulder for every bump and turn they encountered, turning his head to kiss her hair.

His mind? Well, other than keeping his girl comfortable, it was wandering to his bag in the back. Specifically, to a small wooden box that was wrapped up in one of his speedos for safe keeping.

A box that Grayson was paranoid that Indy would find every minute that he didn’t have his eyes on her. He’d been so excited to show her his favorite place, and even more excited to have his girlfriend all to himself in a king size bed that he hadn’t bothered to find a better hiding spot for it.

It worked out - there wasn’t a minute that he didn’t want to spend with her anyways. They packed their days with everything adventurous they could think of - snorkeling, beach days, exploring the outback. They went ziplining, and held koalas and pet kangaroos and learned about Australian history and culture.

Every night, they found themselves showering off the day together and crawling into bed with just enough energy left to get lost in the rhythm of Grayson’s hips and the sound of their lips on each other’s skin.

Except for the night of September 23rd. That night, Grayson put on his nicest shorts with pockets and slid the ring box into them with shaky hands before he went down the hall to find his brother.

Ethan perked up, confused for a moment before he smiled.

“Today’s the day huh?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

“You know so. You sure you don’t want me to take pictures or anything?”

“Nah, just want it to be us. I’m fucking scared bro.”

“That just means you love her. “ Ethan stood up and pulled his twin in by the shoulder, giving him a tight hug. “You got this man. Can’t wait to see you all when you get back.”

Grayson nodded and tried to settle his breathing down.

It picked right back up when he walked into the room and saw Indy in front of the mirror. She was in a sundress - a short dusty blue number that kissed the tops of her thighs, resting delicately on the curve of her ass while she leaned closer to the mirror to put on her mascara.

She smiled when she saw him, finishing quickly and turning around.

“Hi baby. I’m almost ready, just gotta pick out a lipstick.”

“Lipstick makes you sticky when I kiss you,” he pouted, making her roll her eyes playfully at him.

“Fine. Just for you.” She kissed him softly as if to prove her point, humming when he pulled her in by the hips. She melted against him for a moment, getting lost in his like she always did before her mind wandered back to her.

“We’re gonna be late to our reservations.”

“I made them for later. Wanted to show you something first.”

Indy was never one for surprises growing up, but the nervous excitement was welcomed now. She knew she could trust him, wholly, with anything. So she slid her shoes on took his hand and let him lead her to the car.

She bit her tongue when she wanted to ask where they were going, what they were doing. But it didn’t stop the worry when she pressed her fingers into Grayson’s wrist in the car, pausing the hearts she was tracing.

“Your pulse is 104. Are you good?”

“Okay human apple watch,” he laughed, pulling his arm away from her dramatically for a moment before giving it right back. “I’m fine baby. Maybe you just make my heart race.”

Indy snorted. “You wanna pull over for me to throw up or should I just do it out the window as we’re going.”

She kissed the back of his hand as they laughed.

Grayson on the other hand was 99% sure he was the one who would puke when he put the rental car in park.

Indy cocked her head to the side for a moment. Then she craned her neck up, trying to see over the embankment.

“Is the restaurant down there somewhere.”

In a moment of panic, Grayson raced to put his hand over her eyes, hitting her nose in the process.

“Okay ow?” Indy muttered.

“Fuck, sorry, sorry baby.” He leaned over and pressed a fleeting kiss to her temple. “Just close your eyes, I want it to be a surprise. Don’t open them until I say.”

“You coulda just said that,” Indy grumbled as Grayson got out of the car and went to her side. He pulled her door open, heart pounding so loud he was sure she could hear it when he leaned over to unbuckle her seatbelt.

“Okay, come out here.”

He guided her out of the car to stand up, putting his hands on her shoulders. He looked at her shoes - dainty sandals - and then at the thick sand they would have to get through to get to where he wanted on the beach. On the horizon, the sun was setting, painting the sky in shades of purple and pink. Avalon was the most beautiful beach he’d ever been to, and he knew it would only be even more special after that night.

“Get on my back.”

“Huh?”

“Just jump on my back,” he said, turning around and putting her hands on his shoulders.

“My ass will be fully out in this dress if I do that,” she countered.

“I’ll cover it with my hands or something, just jump.”

“So demanding,” she teased, but she jumped anyways. He smoothed the fabric down over her butt and held her up as he moved through the sand to the lookout he had in mind.

She rested her chin on his shoulder as he walked, eyes still squeezed shut.

“I hear the ocean,” she hummed, already content.

When he got to where he wanted, with the perfect view of the beach, he closed his eyes for a moment and sent a prayer up to all his angels that he would find the right words to say.

He sat her down gently on her feet and moved behind her, pulling the box out of his pocket. Slowly, he knelt down, watching her dress blow in the wind.

“Okay, open.”

Indy opened her eyes. The sun burned for a moment, and then she took it all in. The water was a painting of bright hues, reflected back off the sunset that tinted the clouds. The beach was pristine, fine white sand laying perfectly for as far as she could see in either direction.

“Oh wow. This place is perfect.”

And then she turned around.

The ring caught the fading light, sparkling in it’s little box lined with velvet. His smile was brighter. And nervous, more nervous than she’d seen it in so long. She watched him swallow as he looked up at her.

“Oh my god.” She covered her mouth, her legs feeling like jello beneath her.

“Indiana-”

He forgot his entire speech in the moment, and it didn’t matter.

“I love you. I knew I wanted you to be a part of my life from the first day that I met you. And then I fell in love with you, and I knew I was going to love you for the rest of my life, no matter what. I want everything, all of it. The wedding and the honeymoon and the kids and the good days and the hard days and the days when we’re old and gross but we still have each other. I want forever with you, and for me, marriage is the promise for that. And you have me, forever, no matter what. So... Indiana Jamie Cross... will you marry me?”

“Yes. A million times yes.”

She couldn’t kiss him fast enough. She crouched, cupping his face in both her hands as he stood up, desperate to have him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, spinning her around and sending sand flying that neither of them noticed as they laughed with tearful eyes.

indy was dizzy when he sat her down, hands shaking as he held up the box again. The ring was beautiful and delicate, with thin gold all the way around the stone.

“I got it custom. And I had them round out the top and bottom edges just a little bit so it doesn’t get caught on your gloves at work,” he explained.

“I love you so much. Forever,” she whispered, kissing him again just because she could. He breathed her in, squeezing her again before he pulled back and reached for her left hand, sliding the ring on, letting out a relieved sigh when it fit.

“Oh my god that really just happened,” Indy whispered, and all they could do was laugh and hold each other as it sank in.

Gray kissed her hair. “No going back now, you already said yes.”

She smacked his shoulder playfully, admiring the way the ring caught the light when she did. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, nuzzling into her hair as the swayed back and forth, soaking in the moment.

“Also, sad news. I totally lied about the reservation, and Ethan’s contribution is cooking dinner tonight. So we might be celebrating our engagement with food poisoning.”

Indy laughed into his shirt. “Well hey, at least if we’re puking our guts out later we’re doing it as fiancees.” The word felt foreign but somehow electrifying coming off her tongue.

“Fuck yeah we are. You ready to go home, or do you wanna stay another minute.”

“Just a few more minutes. I wanna remember this forever.”

Gray smiled his brightest smile and kissed her slow and warm before wrapping her up again, closing his eyes as they held each other again.

Against his back, through his shirt, he felt her finger move.

H-U-S-B-A-N-D

bonus: this is the ring :’)

#bsides #mixtape #im soft now damn

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beewolfwrites · 4 years ago

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And When I am Formulated, Sprawling on a Pin - Chapter Nineteen: I May Think of You Softly

The angst is starting to hot up now, because we can’t have a Chishiya fic without it :)

As always, you can also read this on AO3 here.

Just adding this because I’ve gotten a few messages about it, but once this fic comes to an end, I’ll start reading the manga properly so I can eventually write a part 2/sequel!

While I’m reading it though, I want to make a collection of one-shots based on this fic from Chishiya’s pov. I have a few scenes in mind to focus on, but if there are some you’d like to see, just drop me a message, comment, carrier pigeon etc... and let me know!

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‘It’s time.’

They were simple words, but they carried an awful lot of weight. The plan had to go perfectly, otherwise we were finished.

Arisu’s voice sounded from the other line. ‘Is everyone getting into position?’

I picked up the walkie talkie and headed to the door, only for Kuina to grab my arm and stop me. Perplexed, I opened my mouth to ask her why, but her pleading expression silenced me as she took the walkie talkie from my hand.

At the same moment, a new voice – Usagi’s – came through. ‘I’m in the hall, keeping lookout.’

Never taking her eyes from mine, Kuina’s hand tightened around my arm. She pressed the button to activate the walkie talkie. ‘We’re watching over the elevator to the top floor.’

Except we weren’t. We were here, in my room.

Kuina??

Once again, I began to ask her what was happening, but she shook her head, shushing me. The guilt in her eyes was unmistakable. ‘The coast is clear,’ she said into the walkie talkie.

Then it became awfully, awfully apparent what was going on.

‘The new leader is making a speech in the lobby,’ Chishiya said, ‘and all the executives and militants are at the annex. I’ll let you all know if there are any changes.’ There was a pause. ‘This is our only chance. I’m counting on you, Arisu.’

Shrugging out of Kuina’s hold, I sat down on the bed, trying to process the situation. This had been his plan from the start. Not the official plan, but a fake one: to use Arisu and Usagi to locate the safe, and to let them take the fall. Chishiya may know the passcode, but the location of the safe is something that can only be discovered once you actually go into the room.

He’s using them as his guinea pigs.

‘I’m in the Royal Suite now,’ Arisu said. ‘Though I can’t see anything that looks like a safe. Just give me a minute.’ My knee began to bounce nervously as the line went quiet. Then his voice crackled through, triumphant, ‘I’ve found it!’

A puff of air sounded from the other line, and I could practically hear Chishiya’s smirk. ‘The code, it’s 8022.’

There was a pause. ‘How do you know?’ Arisu asked. ‘Did you see inside the black envelope?’

I leaned forward, curious about how Chishiya had managed to figure it out simply by sitting in the same room. There were two possibilities here. Either Chishiya knew perfectly well what the passcode was, and he would concoct a lie to give to Arisu, or he only had an inkling about the passcode, and he was using Arisu to test it out.

‘No,’ Chishiya said, ‘but I didn’t need to. Aguni’s expression told me everything. He was surprised at first, then he was confused. I believe the paper inside was blank.’

‘Blank? But what about the passcode you just told me?’ Arisu asked.

There was an amused hum. ‘The wax seal. You remember Hatter’s ring… it was stamped with the word ‘BOSS’. When the wax seal was stamped, the embossing left numbers. That was the true code.’

You really are incredible, and not necessarily in a good way.

It certainly sounded convincing enough, though until Arisu tested it, there was no way of knowing whether this was the genuine truth, or an impressive sounding lie. And judging by the way things were going, he would find out very quickly.

My heart broke for Arisu as he spoke with pure, blind amazement. ‘Chishiya, I’d hate to be your enemy.’

I held my breath, waiting for the worst as silence ensued. This was a setup, after all. I glanced at Kuina, but she only looked at me apologetically.

Why does he have to be so cruel?

‘Chishiya??’ Arisu’s voice shook. ‘Chishiya, the code’s wrong?’

The static shut off into silence.

------------------------------------------

Even the stale air of my room tasted bitter as I gripped my walkie talkie, turning it over in my palm. It was tempting to just toss into the dustbin and wash my hands of the whole thing, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Chishiya had backed me into a corner. It would be too dangerous to stay at the Beach now that the militants had taken over, but I also resented Chishiya for stringing me along in such a dreadful scheme.

Kuina was waiting for me in the hall outside. Now that the militants were busy with Arisu and Usagi, the royal suite was unguarded. This was the final test. The real plan. But as for whether or not I joined them…. I didn’t have a choice, or at least, it seemed that way. I remembered the words that I’d told Hatter when I first arrived at the Beach.

‘I still have a choice. It’s just that one of the options doesn’t look too great.’

There was always the option to stay and pretend that I had nothing to do with it. Except there was an obvious downside; Niragi wouldn’t settle for that. He’d be out for blood. My blood. It was either possible death or certain death… freedom or confinement. I knew which one I preferred.

‘Though wise men at the end know dark is right, because their words forked no lightning they do not go gentle into that good night.’

It was funny how fittingly Dylan Thomas’ poem sprung to mind now. I was going to die. That was inevitable. But I still wanted my voice to be heard. I still wanted to chase the meaning of it all.

Pocketing the walkie talkie, I walked towards the door. It almost felt sad. All the textbooks I had been given, the books that had kept me sane this entire time… I would have to leave them behind. They were gifts from Chishiya, but after what he’d done to Arisu, they were tainted. I shut the door behind me, quite possibly for the last time.

Kuina was leaning against the opposite wall, and when she saw me, her expression was one of relief.

‘For a minute, I thought you weren’t coming.’

I tried to smile. ‘For a minute, so did I.’

The hotel was quiet as we made our way to the top floor, it became apparent how quiet it was. The militants and executives were likely dealing Arisu and Usagi by now, and I hated to think of what was currently happening to them. Perhaps this was another reason Chishiya wanted to use them; as a distraction.

‘I don’t like it either,’ Kuina said. Her jaw was rigid. ‘I really don’t like it. But I have to get home to my mother.’

Some of the bitterness I felt softened. I couldn’t fault her for that. Not really. She had told me once, while we were on the rooftop, about her mother being the only one to accept her after her gender reassignment, and now her mother was ill, yet she was stuck here, unable to help. She had tried asking about my own life, although I’d brushed it away at the time.

‘My brother,’ I said after a moment. ‘I want to get back to him. He’s older than me, a psychologist. He went into psychology to research treatment options for certain mental health conditions. My mother isn’t happy… to put it mildly. She’s a mess. Probably it’s something to do with being married to my dad, or maybe it’s genetic.’

Kuina went quiet at first, then took the quit-smoking aide from her mouth. ‘Are you two close?’

I shrugged. ‘I suppose we are. We both grew up in the same place, and we both have that understanding. He was always the one who went first, and I’d follow him. He wasn’t scared of anything, not even my dad.’

Kuina and I didn’t say anything more after that. We were nearing the top floor now, and even though I couldn’t see him, I knew that Chishiya was lurking somewhere, waiting for us to give him the all-clear.

As planned, Kuina handed me a second walkie talkie, and I took my place at the end of the hall, looking out for any executives. Meanwhile, Kuina took watch outside the royal suite, where she could see Aguni’s room. So far, Aguni had remained in his old room, despite being the new number-one, and since Arisu and Usagi’s capture, he had yet to emerge.

Chishiya’s voice sounded through the walkie talkie. ‘You two, how are things on your side?’

Just the sound of his voice brought with it a mixture of anger… despair… betrayal… relief… and love. Even that. How was it that now, when I had never been more hurt by him, I still craved the safety I found in his voice.

I don’t know who I hate more, him or myself.

I didn’t particularly want to speak with him. But ignoring him wasn’t an option either. ‘You’re all good to go from where I’m standing.’

‘Aguni’s still in his room,’ Kuina’s voice crackled through. ‘We’re getting bored now.’

‘Then should we get going with the plan?’ he suggested.

I clicked my tongue, eyes scanning either side of the empty hall. ‘We’ve already gotten going. It’s you who needs to hurry up.’

‘Patience,’ was the curt reply.

I didn’t hear anything, but I knew that somewhere down the hall, Chishiya was entering the royal suite. ‘I don’t know if Arisu is stupid or intelligent,’ he said. ‘Hatter was paranoid. He wouldn’t have hidden the cards in a normal safe.’

Did Arisu try breaking into one of the hotel’s guest safes?

‘Where’s the real one then?’ Kuina asked. She sounded tired and weary.

‘When Arisu was caught,’ Chishiya replied, ‘Aguni wasn’t paying attention. He was looking towards a certain picture on the wall. It turns out the paper wasn’t empty after all. It contained a drawing instead.’

It was impressive how Chishiya was able to figure these things out through body language alone. For someone who seemed to have no concept of how people behaved, he sure paid attention to our behavioral patterns.

‘So, you had no idea where it was until then?’ I asked.

‘Exactly,’ Chishiya said. ‘What happened to Arisu was necessary if we were going to find the real safe. Speaking of which, I’ve found it.’

The way he talked about it was chilling. Not so much the words themselves, but the ease in which he spoke them, the lack of hesitation.

Kuina seemed to be thinking the same thing, as she sighed into the walkie talkie. ‘You used him just for that?’

The response was immediate. ‘In order to gain something, you have to lose something. He’s just a sacrifice. Things like this happen a lot, don’t they?’

The level of self-assurance behind those words… it was brutal. I always knew he was like this, but what did that mean for me and Kuina? Were we just pawns like Arisu and Usagi? Would our deaths be necessary too?

‘No, they don’t.’ Kuina said. ‘Not at all. I really don’t want to be your enemy.’

At this, I almost laughed. When I first met Chishiya, I had thought the same thing, and earlier today, Arisu had said something similar himself.

‘I get that a lot,’ Chishiya replied.

Perhaps everyone is his enemy. Perhaps the only person he sees surviving the Borderlands is himself.

The idea was a harsh philosophy, but it made sense. Chishiya had always made me feel like insignificant just through his calculating gaze alone. In that sense, he was just like my own father, and chances are that was why I was drawn to him. In this crazy parallel world, feeling small was the only thing familiar to me.

Maybe, in order to gain my own freedom, I have to lose Chishiya.

--------------------------------------------

Now that the sun had set over the skyline, the evening had turned still and cold. Aside from the hum of cicadas and the chatter of crickets, it was quiet. Leaning against the outside wall of the hotel, I wrapped my arms around me, although it did nothing to stave off the shivers that tickled my skin. Nor did it melt the wedge of icy determination that had buried itself within me.

I’ll follow him for the sake of leaving the Beach… but I refuse to let myself love him.

I had never been a good liar.

To my right, Kuina was leaning against a lamppost, staring guiltily at the ground. Meanwhile, Chishiya removed his numbered wristband as he strolled towards a decorative brick archway that led out of the hotel grounds. ‘I guess we won’t be needing these anymore.’

‘Don’t you feel sorry?’ Kuina asked quietly.

He stopped. ‘Sorry?’

I looked at him curiously, wondering how he could seem so calm. ‘About what happened to Arisu… I feel really sorry for him. We both do.’

Kuina nodded, folding her arms tighter. ‘Don’t you?’

Chishiya’s eyes flitted to mine, and for the first time, I saw genuine surprise there.

Show me a sign… please give me a reason why I should trust you.

‘Is there anything we wouldn’t do in order to survive?’

A shudder ran through me, and this time, it had nothing to do with the breeze. His words confirmed my every suspicion, but I couldn’t let myself feel so disappointed. I needed to block it all out… block everything out.

Then he smiled. It would’ve been easy to mistake it for his usual smile, if not for the hint of bitterness there. ‘If you both feel so worried, then maybe you should go and help him.’

Kuina looked at him, eyes wide with regret. However, she didn’t move. Neither of us could. We both had our own reasons why we needed to survive and return home. Knowing this well, Chishiya took a step towards the arch, only to stop once more. His brow furrowed as he whispered something under his breath.

Growing impatient, I pushed away from the wall and walked towards the exit… towards freedom.

‘Stop.’

Chishiya’s hand clasped around my wrist, dragging me back. I yanked my arm away immediately, both hating and loving the feeling of his fingers on my skin. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’

Kuina appeared at my side, and the three of us watched tentatively as Chishiya tossed his wristband through the arch. A red laser burst through the plastic, leaving behind a singed hole.

I stepped back, horrified. This couldn’t be… could it?

The Beach is a game arena??

#alice in borderland #aib #imawa no kuni no arisu #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x oc #chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland

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fallen-gravity · 4 years ago

Text

awaken the stars, ‘cause they’re all around you

Stanford Pines never really believed in soulmates.

He can't imagine the idea that there's one person out there for him in the multiverse who would stop at nothing to love him for who he is, despite everything he is and everything he's done. He can't imagine that someone out there is meant for him, someone who will stand by his side until the end of time.

Or maybe he'd just been looking at it from the wrong angle.

Notes:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, @stariousfalls!!!!! I can't believe we've been friends for upwards of five years now?? You've been a huge inspiration of mine from my first day in the gravity falls fandom back in late 2014, and now you're one of my closest friends. I've been spending the last week and a half working on this behind your back, because I wanted to surprise you with a gift I thought you'd love!!

7.5k words of fluff was....not my original plan, but fluff brain wanted to go feral for you, I guess.

Huge, huge shoutout to @ariasofelegance for helping me keep my mouth shut about this, I absolutely would've internally combusted without your help & support

AO3

Ford never saw the appeal of romantic relationships.

One night when he and Stan were kids, they snuck downstairs in the middle of the night after their parents were asleep to dig through Pa’s “Secret stash” of movies he thought he was good at keeping a secret. They’d thought for sure they’d be coming across bootleg cuts of action movies that were still playing in theaters, or documentaries about how all of the politicians in power were secretly aliens.

What they actually found was much more…sensual. They were both horrified, to say the least, but each time Ford had to turn away to prevent himself from gagging, he’d hear Stan beside him struggling not to laugh.

For years, Ford was convinced coming across those tapes before he was old enough to fully comprehend what was happening in them is what had turned him off to relationships altogether. It certainly didn’t help that he was never able to experience romantic relationships firsthand, as every time he tried asking someone out in high school he’d just be laughed at or called a freak.

Though college was another story entirely, his feelings towards romantic relationships never seemed to change. He went out with a girl from his dungeons, dungeons, and more dungeons club for a few weeks, a guy from his advanced physics class for almost two months, and even tried going out with Fiddleford for upwards of nine months, but he never felt that deeper connection with any of them, no matter how much he wanted to feel that connection.

It’d be forty more years before he learned the term aromantic, but when he was still in college he would brush off his parents’ questions about his relationship status by telling them he was too busy working on his thesis, which technically wasn’t all that far from the truth anyway.

Still, the faint sense of yearning never seemed to leave him be. Whenever he found gaps in his schedule, he would spend hours in his university library reading up on the science of relationships and their place in society. Though he no longer remembers most of the papers he read, one scientific study that’s always stuck with him was a dissertation written entirely on the concept of soulmates.

Everyone has a soulmate, the paper claimed. Though it may be decades until you properly meet, your path always leads to the moment that you and your soulmate are finally united. Once finally together, not a single force on earth can tear you apart. Even if you are apart physically, the stars will always align to bring you together. Weirdest of all, the paper mentioned soulmarks, which were described as “the phenomenon that a person’s very soul is marked with a piece that belongs to their soulmate, which may appear as a physical anomaly on a person’s body, such as an oddly-shaped birthmark”.

Ford had thought for sure that somebody must’ve moved a romance novel into the sociology section of the library as a joke. The only sort of anomaly he had going for him was his polydactyly, and thinking too much about how that could connect him to a single person who was destined to love him gave him a headache.

Nowadays, though, Ford tries not to give it much thought. He’s perfectly happy right where he is, watching the sunrise from the deck of the Stan O’ War II through the steam visibly rising from his coffee mug.

He sighs contently.

“Mornin’” Stan’s voice sounds beside him, gruff with sleep. When Ford turns to look at him, he’s rubbing at his eyes with one hand while he holds a steaming cup of coffee in his other. He’s already donning one of the sweaters Mabel mailed to him, a deep blue with a tropical island and a treasure chest stitched across the chest.

Ford smirks. “You’re up early”

Stan cocks an eyebrow as he sips from his coffee. “A’course I am. I always get up early when we’re docking to see the kids”

Ford blinks, the teasing smirk on his face melting into a gentle smile. “That’s today?”

“Haven’t you checked the calendar lately?” Stan tosses a second handmade sweater at Ford. This one’s the same shade of maroon as his journal covers, and pictures an angry cycloptopus squirting ink towards the bottom left corner of the sweater. “The kids are on spring break. They talked to their parents about letting us have ‘em all week”

Ford is quick to pull the warm sweater over his head. “All week?”

He can’t help sounding like a broken record, but it’s been months since the last time he saw the kids face to face. Sure, they talk over video at least once a week, but nothing beats seeing their smiling faces and having them nearly tackle him to the ground in a hug in-person.

“Heh, you miss em too, Sixer?”

As little as two years ago, Ford would’ve flinched at the nickname. But Bill is gone for good, and Ford knows that Bill is gone for good, and Stan made a promise to do anything in his power to help him reclaim the nickname. He brings his mug close to his face without taking a sip, allowing himself to take in the warmth in his hands and the steam in his face.

“Not as much as you, clearly” Ford smirks, and Stan crosses his arms over his chest.

“You bet I missed them more than you. I’d been taking care of them all summer before you showed up and fell in love with them in half that time”

Ford smirks as he finishes up his coffee and heads into the navigation room to set their course. “By that logic, wouldn’t that mean that I miss them more, since I had less time with them?”

“Hey!” Stan groans as he follows him into the room. “It does not. It means that you don’t know them like I know them, genius. Everyone knows that it’s all about how much time you’ve spent with a person that determines how close you are with them”

Ford laughs as he enters the coordinates they need to get to the seaport they were meeting the young twins at. From the looks of it, it’d be three hours before they arrived.

“Mm, and who put that study together? Was it you?”

Stan doesn’t reply with words, just a noise that sounds halfway between disgruntled and baffled. It makes Ford laugh even harder, and he wipes at his eyes with a wrist. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Stan’s overdramatic pout melt away until he’s laughing too.

The sight of it makes the smile on Ford’s face widen. It’d been decades since the two of them were able to just be like this. It’d been so long since the last time Ford heard Stan’s genuine laugh that he’d gone and forgotten what it sounded like altogether. When he was still traveling the multiverse, he searched far and wide for a shred of hope, something to keep his anxieties and nightmares from catching up to him.

What a fool he’d been to ignore his childhood memories of home.

The trip is a quiet but familiar one. Ford can’t talk much when he’s steering because he needs to be on constant lookout, but Stan remains in the room to talk at him and keep him company anyway. The sun is well over the horizon by the time they reach the seaport, and call it instincts, intuition, or something else entirely, because Ford spots the kids sitting on a bench in the near distance the moment he and Stan step foot onto the dock.

They’re squished closely together, watching a video on Mabel’s phone. Whether they’re aware of it or not, they’re swaying their legs back and forth underneath the bench in perfect unison. On the ground beside them are their backpacks, overstuffed with so many things that both of them are popping open.

Most importantly, neither of them have noticed that Ford and Stan are approaching them.

Ford exchanges an amused glance with Stan, and clears his throat to catch their attention.

The phone nearly stumbles out of their hands in shock when they look up and meet their eyes.

“Grunkle Stan!�� Mabel squeals, standing to sprint past Ford to knock Stan off of his feet. Ford chuckles at the sight, but not quickly enough to hear Dipper’s “Great Uncle Ford!”, and before he knows it he’s hitting the floor too. The young twins are laughing messes, and stumble over each other as they try to stand to their feet and help their Grunkles up.

Mabel spits out the hair that stuck to her mouth, and pulls a hair tie seemingly out of thin air to tie her hair up into a ponytail. It’s only now that Ford realizes that she and Dipper are also both wearing sweaters, and if Ford had to guess, it looks like Mabel made both of these sweaters as well. Mabel’s is a galaxy print with actual twinkling stars, and Ford makes a mental note to ask her later what she did to make it glow like that. Dipper’s is also space themed, though his pictures the big dipper splotched across a black night sky with a bright orange meteor shooting through the center.

“You have to tell us about everything you’ve encountered”, Dipper beams, once Stan finishes brushing himself off.

Stan cocks an eyebrow. “Two years’ worth is a lot to get through, kiddo”

“Exactly!” Mabel beams, turning to pick up her backpack and put it on. “Which is exactly why you can tell us on the way to the hotel!”

“Hotel?” Ford and Stan ask in unison.

“Surprise?” Dipper giggles. “Our parents rented us a hotel room for the week cause they figured you’d appreciate some time away from the boat”

“It’ll be like our summer in Gravity Falls all over again!” Mabel grins. “But in reverse! You’re in our territory now”

Stan laughs. “You’re the boss, kiddo”

“You bet I am!” She beams, and hands Dipper his backpack. “Now c’mon! If you tell us all of the horrors you’ve encountered out at sea, we’ll tell you about all the horrors we’ve encountered in high school!”

“I...think I remember those horrors pretty well already, thank you” Ford smiles sheepishly, adjusting his glasses. “But we’d be more than glad to tell you some of our own stories”

It’s a short walk to the bus stop, but Ford honestly wouldn’t mind if they walked all the way to the hotel on foot if it meant an extra half an hour with the kids. They’re just as eccentric as he remembers, attached at the hip but still wildly different people all on their own. Dipper’s still hanging on to every word he’s saying, and Mabel’s still skipping along like she’s in her own world.

Once they reach the hotel and check in, Dipper collapses face first onto one of the beds the moment he steps into the room, groaning.

Stan smiles. “Something bothering you, kiddo?”

He turns on his side to look Stan in the eye, his face smushing into the pillow. “Mabel didn’t let me get any sleep last night. She insisted on getting to the seaport three whole hours early because she insisted that she had this gut feeling that you guys would have the same idea and we’d magically show up at the same time”

Mabel pouts, and sits on the bed besides him. “Well it’s not my fault you stayed up late reading that dumb book of yours. Plus, would you rather have kept them waiting for three hours?”

Dipper removes his hat and places it on the table beside him, exposing just enough of his forehead through his hair to reveal his birthmark. It has the same faint glow to it as Mabel’s sweater, and Ford wonders how the two could possibly reflect off of each other.

“Their boat has beds and a fully stocked kitchen, Mabel. They can afford to wait. All we had were those strawberry pop tarts that you ate five minutes after we got there”

Ford can’t help but smile softly at their banter. He missed them so, so, much more than he could’ve ever imagined. He’s got half a mind to stow them away on the boat at the end of the week and homeschool them both himself so he never has to be apart from them again.

Apart. The word still feels like a knife twisted into his chest. There’s nothing he regrets more than trying to separate the young twins from each other two summers ago because he’d been so caught up in projecting his own fears onto the pair. He’d tried apologizing to Mabel over the whole ordeal, but she stopped him before he could even start to tell him he had nothing to worry about.

He only wishes he could learn to forgive himself as easily as she did.

“...Can we, Grunkle Ford?”

He blushes. Had he just said all of that out loud?

“Can we...what?”

“Take the boat out! Not right now, since Dips is being a grumpy-grump and insists on wasting precious time with a nap, but we’ve been talking about it all week”

From across the room, Stan snorts. “Let me get this straight,” he takes his jacket off and hangs it up in the closet. At this point Ford swears his eyes must be playing tricks on him, because Stan’s old burn scar is glowing just as Mabel’s sweater and Dipper’s birthmark are. “All the time you spent groaning and complaining about fishing every time I took you in Gravity Falls, and now you’re asking to go fishing?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of a joy ride,” Dipper yawns from under the covers. “But if agreeing to go fishing is what gets you to say yes, then sure”

He’s smirking under the covers, Ford can tell, because he inherited that expression from Stan.

Stan’s about to bite back, but Dipper must not have been exaggerating about how long he and Mabel were waiting for them at the dock, because he’s already out cold. Stan smiles at him, gently ruffling up his hair before he takes a seat on the adjacent bed, kicking his shoes off so he can kick his feet up on the bed and relax. Ford sits beside Stan, and Stan slings his arms behind him to support his head in his hands as he glances over at Ford.

“They make you wanna retire the whole ‘treasure hunting’ thing and move into the city to be closer to ‘em too?”

Ford chuckles. “I’ve already considered hiding them away on the boat twice today already.” He taps at his chin. “Though I suppose that moving in with them would go over better with their parents then taking them away to live on a boat”

“Hmm…” Stan taps at his chin as well. “Being stuck in the same stuffy high school for four years, or living on a boat traveling all over the world whenever they feel like it? I dunno about you, Sixer, but I have a pretty good idea on what the kids would prefer”

“Grunkle Stan? Grunkle Ford?” Mabel’s voice suddenly chimes in, and Ford blushes, wondering how much of that she just heard.

“What’s on your mind, pumpkin?” Stan asks.

“Well, uh, Dipper was right about us only eating once really early this morning, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to, uh” She twirls her hair between her fingers. “Cook something for us? For old time’s sake?”

Okay, it’s settled, Ford’s never letting these kids go again.

“Sure, kiddo. Soon as your brother’s up we’ll head right back up, okay?”

“Okay!” she beams, and crawls back into her side of the bed, staring at Dipper like she can will him into waking up on command.

Though Ford would’ve been okay if they’d had to wait hours for him, it’s really only about twenty minutes before Dipper opens his eyes again and nearly shrieks in surprise at Mabel’s face hovering three inches from his own. He smacks his hand into her face to shove her away, and she giggles as she rolls off the bed and onto the floor.

Beside Ford, Stan smirks. “Better get up before we leave without you and all our food goes to Mabel, kiddo. You’ve got plenty of time to crash in Ford’s bed on the ship, since he never seems to use it anyway”

Dipper yawns, rubbing at his eyes as he kicks the covers off. “I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen asleep”

“I didn’t realize you were even capable of sleep, bro-bro” Mabel punches him in the shoulder as she walks past him to put her shoes on. He glares at her wordlessly, and Ford has to cover up his snicker with a fake cough.

This time, the bus ride and the walk back to the ship are a quiet one. Ford never really lets himself let his guard down and relax for an extended period of the time, so he cherishes any moment he can get where he finally feels like he doesn’t constantly feel the need to check over his shoulder for signs of danger. Most of the time, if you asked him about his heightened senses, he’d call them a curse. But on days like these, when he can hear the birds chirping and the waves smacking gently against the boats in the seaport, he’d almost go as far as calling it a blessing.

The kids take a seat at the dining table as soon as they enter the kitchen, and Stan grins at them from over his shoulder as he clicks the stove on. “Whaddya say, Stancakes?”

Dipper and Mabel grimace in unison. “Ewwww, Grunkle Stan, you promised lunch!” Mabel scrunches her nose, and Stan’s grin only widens.

“Ah, ah, you said like old times. That means I get to decide what to make, and you have to eat it because I’m your legal guardian”.

“Well I wasn’t even awake when you were talking about old times, so I’d say that cancels out” Dipper crosses his arms over his chest, and Ford can’t help but smile warmly at the three of them as he reaches into the cupboard for his favorite coffee mug. The younger twins clearly had just gotten two copies of the same mug, but crossed both of them out so they’d say #1 GRUNKLES on them instead of #1 UNCLE. Stan has the other one, of course, but he keeps it on his bedside to hold small treasures and keepsakes because it’s, in his own words, “Too special to waste on something as ordinary as coffee”.

Ford sits himself in the seat between the younger twins at their okay, and after some back and forth banter between the four of them, they end up settling for burgers. Truth be told, this is the first time Ford’s eaten a meal in a group larger than two since the last time he and Stan visited the young twins in the winter, and he can’t help but smile into his food at the thought. The closest he’d come even remotely close to eating with others in his research years was his very, very brief time at the truck stop diner, and the experience had soured his view of...well, other people for near decades.

Now, though, he’d burn his own research dozens of times over before he’d even consider eating alone.

Stan’s chair scraping across the floor as he stands pops Ford out of his bubble of serenity.

“Now that that’s taken care of,” Stan cracks his knuckles, smiling mischievously at Dipper and Mabel. “I think I remember a couple of kiddos finally promising their Grunkle Stan he could take them fishing”

“Promise is a strong word-” Dipper starts as he stands to place his plate in the sink, but Stan’s already placing a fishing hat on his head before he can finish his sentence.

“Course you did! You wanna take our baby for a joyride, you gotta earn it first”

Dipper turns to Ford, like he’s expecting him to back him up.

Ford chuckles. “I don’t know, Dipper. That sounds perfectly reasonable to me”.

Dipper scoffs, sitting back down at the table. Mabel laughs.

“Aww, C’mon, Dipper! Aren’t you all about the supernatural? For all we know, Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford could be harboring magical glowing bait that only attracts, like, magical talking fish men, or something!”

Dipper raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t you just receive a bottle message from Mermando last week?”

“Exactly!” Mabel flashes a grin. “That must mean that he’s in the area!”

Stan laughs. “You tellin’ me you only agreed to go fishing so you could kiss and make-up with your long-distance fish boyfriend?”

“Grunkle Stan, what kind of person do you take me for?” she gasps. “He’s married! You know I would never want to break apart such a loving couple!”

Ford’s smile only warms. Where else could he partake in such a conversation that doesn’t turn heads and result in judgmental whispers? Where else can he just be like this, surrounded by loved ones who are just as weird, just as out of the ordinary as himself? In his younger years he thought for sure his place would be among the monsters and cryptids everyone in his childhood made him out to be, but even in the weirdness capital of the country he felt more alone than ever.

“...Don’t think you’re immune, Sixer” Stan’s voice cuts into his thoughts, and before Ford can ask what he means Stan is smacking a homemade fishing cap on his head. “It may ruin your badass image when we’re monster hunting, or whatever, but we’re fishing with the kids.” Stan gestures to them with his thumb. They’re already outside, leaning over the railing to look out at the water in a perfect mirror of each other. “If they have to embarrass themselves by humoring me for a few hours, so do you”

Ford waits for Stan to join the kids outside before he takes his hat off to admire the stitch work. It’s not perfect, and nowhere near the fancy embroidery he and Stan have found in various markets across their world travels. But it’s personalized, and Ford knows it comes from a place in Stan’s mind that’s been stuck behind lock and key since he was seventeen.

Ford runs his hands along each individual letter, which reads POINDEXTER, before placing it back on his head to join the others outside.

Stan has, miraculously, already pulled out his joke book. Stan’s laughing too hard at his own joke for Ford to really make out what the punchline is, but the younger twins’ collective groans is all he needs to know about it. When Mabel notices him stepping out of the doorway, though, her expression shifts entirely.

“So…” she draws out, stepping towards him. “Is there a trick for attracting merpeople to your boat? I mean, asides from being super cute, obviously”

Ford chuckles, taking a glance behind her to make sure that Stan is out of earshot. “Stan’ll kill me if I tell you this, but they’re really attracted towards shiny things. If you tied one of his gold necklaces around a fishing pole and dangled it into the water, the boat’ll be surrounded in minutes”

Mabel offers up her pinkie finger. “I won’t tell him if you won’t”

Ford interlocks his pinkie with hers, smiling. “I think he’ll notice when a whole family of merpeople show up”

“Hmmm…” Mabel taps at her chin with her free hand, visibly mouthing a plan to herself. “Oh! I know! Come with me,” she beams, and before Ford can even open his mouth to respond she’s already dragging him back into the kitchen. She kneels down on the floor and opens the cupboard below the sink. “Got any empty bottles I can use?”

Ford blinks. “Empty....bottles”

“Yeah!” Mabel pulls a neatly folded piece of paper out of her skirt. “If I can send out my response letter the same time we throw Stan’s necklace over, he’ll never be able to tell the difference!”

“Wait, wait” Ford shakes his head. “You really are dating a merperson?”

“Listening skills, Grunkle Ford” she taps at her forehead, folding the letter back into her pocket as she continues to dig through the cupboards. “Used to date. We met at the Gravity Falls Public Pool, where he was stuck, but then I drove him to the lake in a golf cart I stole from the pool grounds because he really missed his family, and then he was my first kiss, and then we were in a long-distance relationship for like, two months, and I kept every single bottle he sent me, but then we had to break up because he was arranged to marry to prevent a big undersea war.” She picks up a bottle, shakes it, and puts it back when it’s too full for her liking. “I know it sounds, like, super complicated, but it’s all okay, because we’re still pen pals!”

Ford laughs, shaking his head. “No, Mabel, I had to ask because I, uh…” his cheeks warm, and he clears his throat. “Before I...came to term with my orientation, I...dated a merperson too”

The bottles in the cupboard rattle as Mabel’s head smacks against the doorframe. She’s rubbing the spot where her head hit, but there are stars in her eyes. “Really?”

Ford’s cheeks burn even hotter. “Yes,” he whispers, and takes a knee so he can get at her eye level. “Technically he was a siren, but yes, we dated for about a month. He promised me he wouldn’t entice anyone else while we were together, but I guess there wasn’t anything...there.” He turns to help her shuffle through the cupboard, and finds a near-empty bottle of olive oil that’s definitely been sitting down there for at least a year. He hands it off to Mabel, smiling. “I’m glad that things worked out with you, though”

To his surprise, Mabel drops the bottle and throws her arms around him in a hug. “I can’t wait to introduce you! He’s gonna love you”

Ford huffs a quiet laugh, and pulls her close as he winds his arms around her as well. The hug only lasts for a few brief moments, but it feels to Ford in those moments that time itself had stopped. Mabel stands, taking the bottle in one hand and offering to help Ford up in her other.

Mabel places the bottle in the sink and turns the water on to rinse it out before she turns back towards Ford, stretching her arms up in the air as if she were warming up for an exercise. “Alright, here’s the plan. You tell me where Grunkle Stan keeps all of his jewelry, and I’ll sneak in and take his necklace while you distract him. Got it?”

Ford smiles. “Got it”.

As Mabel splits away for Stan’s bedroom, Ford heads back out to the deck. Dipper’s leaning over the side of the boat pointing at something jumping out of the water, rambling excitedly to Stan beside him. He’s holding his fishing hat in his hand to stop it from blowing into the water, and his hair is bouncing in the breeze. It’s just enough for the edge of his birthmark to poke through his bangs, and even in broad daylight it seems to be emitting a faint glow.

“I found it!” Mabel cheers, bounding up from behind him. She’s wearing the chain around her neck, and for some reason the gold seems much dimmer in contrast to her sweater. She takes it off and hands it to him. “You wanna do the honors while I go and throw this overboard?”

Ford smiles, ruffling her hair. “Sure thing.” He walks over to where Stan and Dipper are chatting and picks up one of the extra fishing rods. Making sure that Stan’s too engrossed with his conversation to notice, Ford starts wrapping the chain along the line, and at the signal from Mabel, he tosses his line as far from the boat as he can manage.

Five minutes pass before Mabel squeals so loud that Ford’s afraid his glasses might shatter. He reaches for the gun he knows he’s got stashed in his pants pocket, but when he turns to run to her aid she’s leaning halfway over the boat wrapping her arms around a young merman in a tight hug.

“...so good to see you again!” She’s beaming. “I didn’t think you’d be able to find us so quickly!”

“Yes, well, you were easy to track down after we figured out the coordinates to the seaport” the young man says in a thick Spanish accent. “It is good to see you too! My family was so excited to meet you”

“Your family?” she gasps. “Did they all come with you?”

“Of course!” he grins. “We merpeople are very family oriented. Wherever we go, we go together”

Ford winces at the uncanny familiarity of the statement. Mabel must recognize the statement too, because she responds with “Oh, that reminds me! There’s someone I want you guys to meet! Wait right here,” she says, and comes bouncing back over to Ford. Taking his hand in her own, she starts to drag him back to where she’d just been leaning. “C’mon! He’s the one I was just talking about!”

Three more merpeople emerge from the water when she gently knocks on the side of the boat again. “Grunkle Ford, this is Mermando!” she grins, gesturing to the young merman she’d just been conversing with. “He’s the one I helped reunite with his family after they were separated by tragic circumstances.” She wraps her arms around Ford in a side-hug. “Mermando, this is my Grunkle Ford! He was also separated from his family by tragic circumstances, but I helped with that too!”

Mermando laughs. “Even when you think it’s the end, family always finds its way, doesn’t it?”

Ford laughs, shaking his hand. “It always seems that way to me”

“Awwww!” Mabel squeals. “I knew you’d get along!” She grins, and turns her attention back towards Mermando. “Before I forget, though, did you see where Grunkle Ford threw that gold necklace? If I don’t get it back my Grunkle Stan’s gonna kill me”

Mermando laughs again. “I was wondering if that belonged to any of you!” He takes off his shell necklace to reveal that he’d put Stan’s necklace on around his neck. He takes that off, too, and offers it to Ford. “I much prefer this one, anyway” he clicks his shell necklace open, revealing it to be a locket with a picture of his family inside.

Ford takes the gold necklace back, and he means to thank him, but a bell ringing from elsewhere in the port interrupts him before he can open his mouth. Mermando turns to Mabel, taking her hands in his own. “We must go. I’m so sorry we have to leave so soon, but we merpeople recognize the sounds of fishing boats very easily. We’ll try to come back later this week” He opens his arms for her once more, and Mabel wraps his arms around him in a quick hug before she watches him and his family swim away.

“I am so glad that all you were doing was hugging,” Dipper shudders as he and Stan approach Ford and Mabel. “I’m not sure my stomach could handle witnessing you two kissing a second time”

“Awww,” Mabel punches him playfully in the shoulder. “You’re just jealous that I had a boyfriend before you did!”

Dipper cringes. “If you having a boyfriend before I do means I didn’t have to be the one dating a fish, then I’m glad you were the one who got stuck with him first” He punches her back, and gestures at Stan over his shoulder with his thumb. “But anyways, I came over here because Grunkle Stan says he wants to get out on the open water before everyone else gets the idea, or something”.

Ford pockets Stan’s necklace and makes a mental note to put it away sometime later tonight when Stan is too distracted to notice. “Tell Stan I’m going to untie the rope from the edge of the dock, and when he sees me back on board we’re all set to go.”

Nodding, Dipper bounds off towards the navigation room where Stan must be waiting, and Ford steps off of the boat to take care of everything else. On the way to the bow, he traces a hand along the white painted STAN O’ WAR II, and a feeling of warmth sprouts in his chest. Once back on board, he waves to Stan as he passes besides the navigation room once more, and takes a seat on one of the beach chairs they liked to keep aboard.

Most days, Ford prefers to be the one at the wheel. But every once in a while he just wants to be. All he wants to do is lean back in one of their beach chairs and let the sun warm his face. It’s a good kind of warm, the same way spending time with the kids and heavy rain hitting his bedroom window and planning new escapades with Stan feel warm. After so, so long of only knowing unbearable burns, it feels indescribable to have a constant back in his life that heals, rather than hurts.

“Mind if we join you?” Dipper asks, and Ford glances over to see both of the young twins dragging a chair behind them.

Speaking of healing constants.

“Sure,” Ford says, and can’t help the warmth spilling through his tone. They pull their chairs up on either side of him, and curl up to enjoy the warm breeze. Dipper places his hat on his lap to let the wind blow through his hair, and Mabel stretches her arms out behind her head to act as her own pillow. Ford chuckles silently at the pair, and closes his eyes to let himself relax.

All is quiet when Stan finally finds them a spot out on the open water without a single other boat in sight. The water is nearly still, save for the occasional small wave that gently sways the boat. The sun is at its afternoon high, turning the water beautiful shades of teal and aqua. Fishing is tedious, but it’s careful work, and gives Ford something to put all of his focus into. Two whole hours pass before any of them catch a thing, and Stan laughs himself to tears when it’s Dipper who pulls up a single sardine.

Typically Ford prefers much more immersive activities, but right now there’s nowhere else he’d rather be. The sun is starting to set before they realize they aren’t going to have much luck catching anything, and instead decide to take the boat for another ride around the harbor to look for a better place to eventually watch the stars.

“...Great Uncle Ford?” Dipper approaches him shyly once they’ve anchored the boat.

“Yes?”

He tugs shyly at the edge of his sweater. “I…” he starts. “I know you’ve told me that the multiverse was dangerous, and all, but...was there ever anything you enjoyed about it?” He pauses. “What were the sunsets like?”

Ford chuckles, patting at the seat beside him, and Dipper’s eyes light up as he sits down.

“You’re right,” Ford starts, folding his hands together. “I wouldn’t wish what I went through on even my worst enemies, Dipper. It was practically impossible to get any decent amount of sleep and even harder to find food digestible by human kind. I lost some of my best years to the multiverse when I could’ve gone on to become the most renowned scientist in the world.” Ford turns his gaze away from the sun setting on the horizon to meet Dipper’s eyes, but he’s frowning, eyes cast downwards towards the deck of the ship.

“But,” Ford adds before the poor kid can get too lost in his own head, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “It definitely had its perks.” He smiles. “The sun in Dimension 18.2 would emit a sound that mimicked a lullaby every night as it set. Dimension 47’23 had three moons that would shift phases before your very eyes. I haven’t told Mabel because I’m afraid she’ll try activating a portal of her own and run away, but in Dimension 25-12, everyone and everything looks like a watercolor painting. There’s danger in the multiverse, but there’s beauty in equal measure”

“Do you ever miss it?” Dipper fiddles with his hands, like he’s trying real hard not to say the wrong thing. “I mean, I know you don’t miss being lost, or having no idea if you’re ever going to see home again, but...is there any dimension...where you could’ve seen yourself staying, if you thought you couldn’t make it back?”

Ford shifts in his chair so he doesn’t have to twist his neck so much to look directly at his nephew. “Occasionally,” he muses. “I met the most friendly faces in Dimension 52, so my mind does tend to wander there from time to time” he smiles. “But rest assured, there is something in this dimension that makes it my favorite”

“Oh yeah?” Dipper’s eyes light up. “Over every other dimension you’ve passed through? What is it?”

Ford gently nudges Dipper’s shoulder. “You and your sister”

Dipper’s cheeks turn bright red, and he looks as though he’s struggling not to bury his face into the collar of his sweater and disappear. “Really?” his voice squeaks.

Ford nods. “Everything I had in those other dimensions were fleeting, Dipper. At a moment’s notice everything I grew to love could disappear in the blink of an eye. The very thing happened to me in Dimension 52. When I fell asleep, I woke up in a new dimension I didn’t recognize. Things may have been more advanced, and there may have been dimensions crafted to give you your greatest desires, but in the end nothing ever lasted.”

Now it’s Ford’s turn to divert Dipper’s eyes, gaze casting towards the floor. “Stan was cut from my life completely in the dimension that claimed to be a perfect world. I had nobody. Even in dimensions that actively worked towards my happiness, I was all alone” Ford shakes his head, and turns his gaze once more out on the horizon. The sun is still touching the horizon, but it’s dipped just low enough that some of the stars are beginning to show in the sky.

“But...here, at home, everything is consistent. I don’t have to worry about waking up in the morning to find that everyone I love is gone. I can keep everyone in arm’s lengths, even when Stan and I can only communicate with you and your sister over a video call. I’m…” Ford gently squeezes his hands to reassure himself that this is real and now. “...happy. Happier than I’ve been in decades”

Beside him, Dipper yawns, and when Ford spares a glance over at him he’s smiling at him sleepily. “We’re really happy you’re here too, Grunkle Ford” he murmurs, and his eyes slip closed. Ford’s cheeks flush pink, and he has to choke back a laugh because that’s one of the first times Dipper’s felt comfortable enough to call him Grunkle.

Ford stands, so as not to wake Dipper from his nap. A small glance to his right and he catches a glimpse of Stan and Mabel leaning against the side of the boat watching the sunset just outside of earshot of his current conversation with Dipper.

“You finally bore him to sleep with all your nerdy science talk?” Stan asks as he approaches, sparing a glance behind him at Dipper. “Was starting to think that the poor kid would never get a nap in”

“Yes, well,” Ford smirks. “I’m sure it helped plenty that you bored him to death by taking him fishing first”

Stan gasps in mock offense, and slugs him in the shoulder. “Hey, at least I’m engaging them in something they can actually interact with, unlike your kooky alien stories, or whatever”

Ford can’t help the laugh that escapes him. “Bold statement coming from the man who dedicated thirty years of his life rescuing me from said kooky aliens” he says, returning with a punch of his own. Stan opens his mouth to argue back, realizes he has nothing to say, and closes his mouth. The sight of it makes Ford laugh even harder, keeling over and slapping a hand on Stan’s shoulder to support himself. It must be contagious, because it’s not long before Stan is laughing too.

Ford removes his glasses to wipe the tears from his eyes, and cleans off the lenses with the edge of his sweater. Once his eyes adjust after he puts them back on, his throat nearly catches in his throat when he glances back out towards the water. He’s just able to catch a shooting star before it disappears over the horizon, and the boat’s just far out enough on the water that there isn’t an ounce of light pollution obscuring the rest of the stars in the sky. He takes a few steps back so he can look up and admire more of them at once, and if he looks close enough he can see them twinkling.

Before he can ask the others if they’re seeing the same thing, a bright flash of light coming from somewhere on the boat cuts into his thoughts. He turns, to make sure that none of the lights in any of the rooms are on, but no, they’d turned those off when they’d started fishing. Scratching at his head, he turns to Stan and Mabel to ask if they have any idea where the light is coming from, but that question catches in its throat as quickly as it formulated.

They’re the ones emitting light.

Or, rather, Mabel’s sweater and Stan’s shoulder, approximately where his burn scar should be. Those are emitting light.

...Surely it must just be the reflection of the starlight on the water, right? That same bright light must have woken Dipper from his nap, yes?

He turns heel to ask Dipper the same question, but freezes in his tracks before he can take a single step forward. Dipper’s forehead is glowing too, the same way it has since he and Stan docked the boat this morning.

It...It can’t be, can it?

Gripping his forehead, Ford takes a number of steps backwards until his back hits the wall. Maybe...maybe he just needs to call it a night. He’s been awake since sunrise, maybe his vision is just blurring because he needs to lie down?

He waves his hands in front of his face, but no, those don’t look any different. He squints, to make sure his hands aren’t shaking, but no, they’re perfectly still.

He squints at Stan and Mabel, just to try and see if his eyes are watering, and-

He gasps.

Mabel’s sweater, Dipper’s forehead, Stan’s shoulder; they’re not glowing; they’re twinkling like the stars. It was hard to tell in broad daylight, but now that they’re surrounded by a thousand shining stars, the resemblance is unmistakable.

But...that’s not possible. If he can see them twinkling, but none of them have said anything about it, that could only be if those were…

...soulmarks.

Ford suddenly feels like he’s going to pass out.

He slides to the floor.

Is...Is that even possible? Ford thought for sure that study he read years ago was nothing but a joke. Someone...who does everything in their power to bring you two together, no matter the cost? Someone who, even though you may not meet for decades, will feel as though you’ve known each other their entire lives? Someone who will do anything for you, no matter the personal expense?

Someone...someone like Stan, who spent a painstaking thirty years teaching himself quantum physics to rescue someone that anyone else would assume dead? The man who sacrificed his very mind, his very life, so he could be spared physical torture?

Or...someone like Mabel, the first friendly face he saw after emerging from the portal? The one who forgave him so easily after he tried to separate her from her brother? The one who insists on calling him a good person, despite all of those he knows he hurt?

Or...Dipper? His kindred spirit in all things supernatural? The one who, alongside his sister, sacrificed himself as bait for the most dangerous being in the entire multiverse? Who saw memories of him at his very worst, and apologized to him for snooping?

After everything he’s been through...could things really work out that well in his favor? To not have one soulmate but three, and the guarantee that they’ll never leave, because they’ve already expressed how they love him so?

There’s a tear streaming down his cheek at the thought, but he’s too distracted by a fourth light suddenly emitting from...himself to really notice.

He spares a cautious glance downward, and notices a pulsing light emerging from his chest in perfect time with his heartbeat. If he looks closely, he notices that the light travels down his arms and ties itself into a translucent bow around his fingers. If he looks closer still, the light looks as though it’s slinking faintly across the deck of the boat and reaching towards the gentle twinkling of Stan and Mabel’s marks.

Ford places a hand to his forehead, throws his head back, and laughs his throat dry, paying no mind to the tears pouring down his face.

#gravity falls #my writing #syd #cool kid squad 2.0 #ILYSM FRIEND

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