#i am not posting this for any other reason than tob get it out of my system

[brightblessed-aa]

so today was awful and stressful and i am gonna vent a little bit. the one lady from corporate at work was so mean that literally everyone was miserable and on edge. they had too many people there for us to all actually work and stay 6 feet apart, but if we got too close, she would yell at us. she wouldn’t let anyone go to break until everything was “all done” which makes no sense. i got sent home an hour early because i ended up working 6 hours with no break which is illegal and they didn’t want to push it to 7. i had nothing to do during the last hour so most of us being there was just performative. we basically all got emotionally abused by this lady for like 6-9 hours depending on the person. 

i leave work and have to get gas. i get some lunch on my way home and my dad instantly gives me shit for not getting him anything. and then says he’s joking when i get annoyed after my awful day. i take a nap because i have a headache and am exhausted. i get up and stuff is okay. i go hang out with my brother for a bit and watch him play a game. i am still incredibly not happy because of the day so far and the stress of working the grand opening tomorrow and i am just wondering how shitty i’m gonna get treated lmao. 

after dinner i try to play with the dog and he pulls my hair by mistake and it makes me make sound and my dad gets really pissed off and starts on me since he’s watching tv. and he’s like acting like i should have played with the dog earlier when i was not even fucking home. and so i leave, the dog is confused. i start just crying because i have to deal with this shit at work and then come home and deal with my dad who is just mean to fucking everyone. me, my brother. and esp my mom. like this woman in seriously ill and she still makes dinner for him and he just bitches about it nonstop. i am really sick of life tbh. like every day i exist i just ask myself, is this all there is? and i just wonder how long distracting myself with random muses and xiv and everything can actually help me idk. 

idk man i am just tired and stressed. after this grand opening i think things will calm down. i really hope tomorrow is just me with customers and we all get to actually have breaks and my managers are in charge and not some mean person that just wants things to “look good” because “my boss is gonna be here” like how to these assholes actually get promoted at a place that is supposed to be “one of the best places to work in the country”

[autopotion]

saw this floating around tumblr and thought i would fill it out myself for funsies. specifically challenged myself not to repeat anything from the same game (same series / remakes are okay) 'cause otherwise half the answers to this would be something from FFT and that's just not fair lol. if any of my mutuals do this tag me in your post i want to see your answers!

full list & descriptions under the cut

favorite game of all time: final fantasy tactics, obvs. picked the psx one to represent because i do prefer it to wotl. don't take that as me hating on wotl though, i think it's still good and brought some good stuff to the table, i just like the original a little bit better.

favorite series: yeah it's dragon age. once upon a time i would've said final fantasy, but while there are a great deal of final fantasy games i love, i'm not really compelled to seek out the ones i haven't played before and i'm not really following new releases much (except to make fun of them ghsdfnds). meanwhile i like every single DA game and have replayed each one mind-boggling amounts, and i actively seek out news for DA4. it's clear which series i'm more into, even if there are individual FF games i like more than DA as a whole

best soundtrack: final fantasy vii (original). this one's kind of a normie answer because i think there are other OSTs within FF itself that are objectively better than FFVII's, but if i'm going to listen to any video game music for funsies and outside of actually playing the game itself, it's pretty much always going to be FFVII. zoe and i were marveling about how FFVII is basically just one huge prog rock album. it's fantastic. hang on i'm gonna go listen to the boss fight music again

favorite protagonist: velvet crowe from tales of berseria. i actually answered this one last because i had the hardest time deciding, somewhat because of the "no repeats" rule, but also partially because i am often more compelled by side characters than player characters. anyway ToB is a mixed bag where i don't like the combat, hate the fanservice, and find the world to be kind of uninspired, but the characters are absolutely incredible and might be one of my favorite RPG casts. velvet herself stands out, i find her story incredibly emotional, and while i think her writing suffers from some usual video game misogyny she's easily the most attached i've been to a player character from the outset instead of needing to get to know her (save for maybe luke fon fabre, also from the tales series lol)

favorite villain: kuja from final fantasy ix. i almost put chaos vyce (of tactics ogre), but that is absolutely 100% recency bias, especially if i compare my month-long phase of being really into chaos vyce to the years of thinking about and writing about kuja. i like kuja a lot and find him to be really emotional, and i like FFIX's conclusions about him, i.e. if a sympathetic character is worthy of redemption if he commits absolutely heinous and evil atrocities and is also generally a narcissistic asshole. ultimately the game's conclusion was "no," IMO, because "redemption" is a complicated concept and eventually you hit a point where no good actions can make up for a lifetime of evil ones, but it still gave kuja the opportunity to do one good action that saved the player characters, and his existence gave the rest of the genomes and the black mages something to ponder WRT their own individuality. also i just think he's neat

best story: outer wilds. this might seem like a weird one because it's not like "lore"-heavy, which i think a lot of people associate with "story," but a story is just as much about in the way it is told as its basic content. the way outer wilds tells its story is unparalleled tbh. every mechanic exists to support its concepts & themes, and it's some of the strongest video game storytelling i've encountered for that reason. also the story it tells is extremely emotional IMO

have not played but want to: hollow knight & disco elysium. i picked two games: one that i own but haven't started (HK) and one that i haven't bought yet (DE). of the two, i'm most excited to try DE, but i'm waiting until zoe and i can play it together.

you love everyone hates: octopath traveler is not greatly liked among the audience it intended to cater to, i.e. people who love old pixel rpgs in the vein of FFVI. it deserves every bit of criticism leveled at it, from its shallow narratives to the disconnected and poorly written arcs of the travelers, but i also really enjoyed playing it and found it charming.

you hate everyone loves: crisis core (from the compilation of FFVII). god i hate CC. it is undeniably a fun game, and the first time i played it (as a teen) i sobbed during the ending, but the older i get the more this game sours on me. i consider it the biggest affront to the themes of og FFVII. what if shinra was "morally gray" and had lots of good people working for it! what if zack fair was actually responsible for key character traits of female characters, like aerith's ribbon or the name of tifa's bar! what if tseng was a creep who took pictures of aerith! what if it's actually really sad and difficult to be a cop for a megacorporation! )': what if i bashed genesis's head in with a rock. at least CC introduced cissnei.

best art style: hades. not even the gorgeously detailed (and highly sensual) character portraits, but the sprite work is really beautiful, the little icons for the boons & items are very cute, and the environments are gorgeous. all the movements are incredibly fluid and pleasing to look at.

favorite ending: tales of the abyss. there is so much to love about TotA, but the ending sequence is one of my favorites in any game. the final dungeon is extraordinarily bright, and if you have the right party combination for the final battle it turns into this amazing invincibility mode while tear sings in the background. also i love my personal interpretation of what happens with "luke fon fabre" at the end.

favorite boss fight: i cheated and picked two again lol. the main boss of arbiter's grounds in the legend of zelda: twilight princess was the first boss to introduce me to the concept that maybe... boss fights... could be fun?? riding around the spinny wheel while you're attacking the big skeletal dragon head was really cinematic and tense, to the point that i was almost kind of sad when it was over.

my other answer for this is the first boss fight against reno in FFVII remake. oh my god i loved that one. not even necessarily because of the mechanics, but the sheer adrenaline of finally getting to aerith, to the church scene, and then all the banter during the fight while you're trying to parry that weaselly asshole... i wanted to do it again the minute i beat him lol.

childhood game: also two here. rhapsody: a musical adventure and the first kingdom hearts i consider to be my quintessential childhood games (outside of FFT). they informed my taste in video games pretty early on. rhapsody's really cute, if not especially deep, and i want to replay it someday; when i was little, my sister told me to start with rhapsody before FFT because its very basic tactical battles would teach me how to play FFT, which is much harder lol. and of all the KH games, i'm most likely to come back to the first one, for nostalgia's sake. even though that game is incredibly linear, i cite it as the game that got me into "open world" games as a concept, since what i loved about it was its seemingly endless expanse to explore, when in reality it's pretty tightly confined.

relaxing game: stardew valley. i was gonna do this one and animal crossing: new horizons, but i came to the conclusion i find SV more relaxing than ACNH. time doesn't pass in SV unless you actually play the game, unlike AC, and the gameplay loop in SV is very relaxing and gentle to me; since days are so short, i can only complete a few tasks per day, and that's kind of freeing. ACNH is also relaxing but i can get more quickly stressed out if i'm trying to plan some big landscaping project.

stressful game: vagrant story. i don't think i've started and stopped a game as many times as i have this one. it requires so much detail-oriented attention that i only have it in me to play for an hour or two at a time before i get tired. (i was also considering putting tactics ogre for this one, but i'm actually about to beat TO pretty soon and have grown accustomed to its style, so VS is definitely more stressful.)

game you always come back to: this one was also really hard, in part 'cause of that "no repeats" clause, otherwise FFT or skyrim would be the obvious answer here. but ultimately i picked undertale. like a lot of people, i was really emotionally moved when i first played it; the massively expanding fandom kept me from engaging with it as much as i wanted to (i like my fandoms pretty small, or, if it's big, i like to curate my blog so i don't see a whole lot of it all the time), but i honestly think UT changed the game for video game storytelling. it's difficult not to compare other games to it, in part because it's in conversation with games as a whole.

guilty pleasure: i don't really feel "guilty" about any games i like, but i selected 999 for this spot because like, as i was playing it i had a ton of problems with it. i complained about the music, the misogyny, some of the puzzles, the dull environments... but it's also one of the most interesting games i've ever played. the story has stuck with me. what it does with its medium, its characters, and its narrative is kind of unique for video games TBH. so, despite all of my complaints about it, i kind of like it a lot.

tons of hours played: skyrim, no contest. i have easily over 1000 hours in that bad boy, across my various saves on various systems, soundly beating any other game i've played in terms of hours sunk into it. it's kind of embarrassing ghsdnfshg.

[kaqeyamatobio]

right here, right now.

kageyama x female reader (self-insert)

angst to fluff, post-breakup, college!au haikyuu

2.2k words

‹ warning: no honorifics, written in lowercase, reader’s pov, poorly written ›

─

"you're really going, right? tomorrow for karasuno’s reunion?" sugawara's voice is hopeful. patting my hand as a sign of encouragement, his eyes are sparkly and his eyes are always kind. you can never reject sugawara. he's always been a really kind senior to me, or probably he just got this effect on people.

"i don't know, sugawara. i really want to meet all of you, i also miss the all of the seniors- but i don't think i'll be brave enough to face him." letting out a sigh, i shifted in my seat, fiddling with my own cup of hot chocolate that i got earlier before bumping into sugawara in the queue.

this is what i'm scared of the most.

encountering karasuno volleyball club members randomly, and not being able to accept their invitation whenever they're hanging out. and it's all because of him.

"how long has it been? since you talked to kageyama?" sugawara asked carefully, trying to look my eyes as if saying his name would make me explode. well it actually would, one day i'll finally explode whenever i hear his name ring in my ears. i shook my head, blinking repeatedly at the bittersweet sound of his name.

"3 months? more than 3 months? i didn't count. i was too hurt to count, i think? i don't know how to explain it but it hurts me really good." i let out a bitter chuckle, looking up at the bright sky while avoiding sugawara's gaze on me, and yup. he’s worried like he’s my own mother.

"how about the others? you still talk to-"

"yes. yes, yes, i still talk to all of them. yachi and yamaguchi actually went out with me yesterday to watch some movies, and tsukki texts me often since we're in the same course together. you know? i was surprised that tsukki would join something art related in college. our first year of college is ending and he manages to shock me with his random behavior” sugawara laughed at my remarks about tsukki, nodding his head as we share the missing pieces in our lives ever since college started.

ever since i started drifting away from people.

─

i finally agreed on going to karasuno's reunion tomorrow.

sugawara wouldn't stop pestering me about it, not to mention hinata and nishinoya who were also pestering me through texts and instagram which kinda makes my head hurts. it's not like i want to forget all of my high school friends, but since most of my memories with them also include kageyama in it, i just want to forget all of the memories i had with him.

he was my high-school lover. at least we were like lovers. that’s what i thought, lovers. until college started and he started hanging out with another pretty girl in his class, until he invested his time in someone else rather than me.

it hurt me like crazy. the day i caught him lying to my face saying that he’s going to be at the library which is very unlike him and i found him accompanying the girl to the art supply store- it was my favorite art supply store too.

my breath hitched at the thought of him with someone else, grunting and stuffing my own face with my pillow- trying to block out my own thoughts which is 100% not working.

i hate sleeping like this.

i hate closing my eyes but my head is still loud with my own thoughts, and it wasn’t positive. it’s always filled with heartbreak, with pictures of him leaving me without explaining why. without telling me what i did wrong.

what did i do wrong?

─

i arrived at daichi’s house, bringing 2 bags full of snacks and hangover cures, just in case something went crazy later.

“hey! you’re here!” hinata were already shouting, greeting my by giving me a hug. nishinoya followed after, and i was greeted with daichi and asahi’s warm smiles. and it indeed felt like home.

“i’m glad you came. how are you?” daichi asked after embracing me with a hug, not forgetting to mess with my hair.

“surprisingly well! you?”

“going to be messed up knowing that thesis is coming up” he said making me laugh, patting daichi’s back, following all of the boys to daichi’s backyard where yachi and kiyoko are already grilling meat and vegetables.

“hey, sit here!” inviting me to sit beside her, yachi gave me a glass of fruit punch, nudging me lightly.

“you’re finally ready to meet him” kiyoko stated, making me flustered and gloomy at the same time, which resulted me shrugging my shoulder.

“i don’t think i am, i just miss all-“

my words are cut off when i see kageyama walking to the backyard, settling beers down on the table and apologizing to everyone that he’s late. am i getting all of this lovestruck feeling again?

“yeah, you’re not ready” yachi shook her head, panicking and grasping my hand. kiyoko only laughs a little, preparing a glass of drink for kageyama.

kageyama approached our table, obtaining his drink from kiyoko and bowing to me and yachi. leaving soon afterwards, and our eyes didn’t even meet. i didn’t even get the chance to greet him.

“i wanna go home” i whispered softly but enough for yachi and kiyoko to hear it. biting my own lips, i fiddled with my fingers— not paying attention to everyone’s stories, and i didn’t even realize that all of us had formed a circle to talk better.

“how about you, y/n?” tanaka asked, nudging me since he’s sitting beside me and yachi. raising his eyebrow at me who’s confused.

“how about what?”

“college”

“oh.. oh! umm i’m actually doing fine-“ my sentence got cut off by tsukki who chuckled loudly.

“yes, fine crying whenever she’s working on her assignment” he teased, resulting in me throwing a piece of green bean to his head, laughing for the first time tonight.

“really?! didn’t expect that from you!” asahi also raised his eyebrow at me, and before i got the chance to answer, tsukki already answered for me.

“yeah. we’re in the same literature class and the same art course. she’s always talking about coping with sadness and heartbreak. once i caught her crying because we were talking about a volleyball setter who fell in love with someone on the crowd— she’s probably still crying and thinking about kageyama, but she’s a strong one.” my eyes widened, kageyama who’s sitting across from me seemed like he don’t even care, listening to tsukki’s snarky story and looking at me uninterested. i sighed softly, trying to reason with tsukki’s remarks.

“no, actually. i’ve been watching and studying about romance novels and movies. i find it fascinating how love works, sometimes it’s beautiful and sometimes it hurts like hell. there’s no in-between. i find it odd that people love romance novels, it hurts my head.” i laughed bitterly while locking eyes with kageyama, but laughing when i saw nishinoya hitting tsukki in the back of his head after.

“how about you, tanaka? i heard you’re going to finally ask kiyoko out again. ready to get rejected again?” i teased, nudging him back.

and at least it was fine.

it was fine for a couple of minutes.

─

“hey.” his voice was too familiar. i know his voice unconsciously.

“hi”

fuck. i hate it. i hate this. my voice is softer and sadder than what i intended it to be and once again, i’m wondering why yachi told me to get the drinks at the fridge when it’s stacked back there in the backyard.

“need some help?” kageyama asked, opening a small carton of milk which made me want to smile. he’s not a drinker, he didn’t even drink that much when we know that we’re already legal to drink.

milk will always be his favorite.

“i don’t know why yachi sent me here, we still have a lot of drinks back there”

“can we talk, then?” kageyama asked, already finished with his small carton of milk, throwing it to the trash.

i nodded hesitantly- following him to daichi’s garden, which is actually quite far from the backyard, giving kageyama and i the privacy that we need.

“how have you been, y/n?” he asked after we both sat down in the bench, and i can only sigh. i don’t have any comments.

“i’ve been good”

“not really according to tsukki’s story”

“he’s making it up, tob- kageyama.”

“we both know he’s the most honest person in this house right now”

kageyama chuckled bitterly as well, i didn’t even dare to look at his eyes- instead i just hugged myself, trying to warm myself up due to this atmosphere and the damn weather that’s oddly cold.

“how about you?”

“i’m doing great with college. national team is doing amazing as well, and i got offered to play in europe” kageyama smiled, nodding his head slowly, giving me short glances every so often.

“are you going, kageyama?” i asked softly, trying to convince myself that he’s not leaving me again for the second time.

“yes, we’re leaving in 2 days.  we’ll be in europe for 10 days only, though. but i might get offers and matches if we win. i get to take another person too, and i have someone already” and i feel like i’ve been suffocated.

i nodded, closing my eyes for a short time while looking at the sky.

“i’m happy for you, really” i smiled, this time i feel like freezing too and kageyama seemed to notice- frantically taking off his denim jacket, draping it on my smaller body.

“why didn’t you tell me you were cold, stupid?” kageyama huffed, pulling me closer to him and giving me a hug in attempt to warm me up.

i didn’t want to hug him back, but it was an automatic response from me. i was grasping his black shirt and i didn’t realize i’m crying already. fuck. i bottled it up, and it’s my time to explode.

“hey, y/n? what’s wrong?”

“please don’t leave me again” i whimpered quietly, tightening my hug on him.

i’ve lost all of my sanity and all of my guards are off tonight.

“what-“

“i can handle you breaking up with me but i can’t handle having you completely gone from my life especially if you have someone else, tobio. i really can’t. i’m happy for you i really am, i’m proud of you for achieving your dreams and going overseas for matches- but i don’t wanna lose you, tobio.” calling him tobio for the first time in months made me relieved but also in pain.

“you didn’t give me a chance to speak-“ i pulled away from the hug, wiping my own tears, standing up from my seat.

“i don’t think i could ever hear it. i shouldn’t have come today, i shouldn’t have go. i thought meeting you would resolve my feelings for you but no, tobio. i can’t get over you, i will never get over you, and it would be better if you didn’t say that you’re leaving. i can’t- i love you too much“

“stop it, y/n” kageyama also stood up, hugging me tighter this time, the sound of our friend’s laughs are faded since all i can hear is his breathing and his heartbeat.

“i’m glad if our feelings are still mutuals”

i stopped crying, looking at kageyama with my teary eyes, he wipes it with his thumbs. i can’t say anything right now.

“i’m sorry. it won’t be enough because i know i was so stupid and you deserve better than me. i’m sorry for not spending my time with you as i used to, i’m sorry for ignoring your texts and calls whenever you’re worried about me, i’m sorry about all of my wrongdoings. i’m sorry. i’m really sorry.” it’s kageyama’s turn to divert his eyes from my gaze.

“why didn’t you say this sooner?”

“i’m too scared of losing you too. we both have the same fear. i didn’t know what’s better for us.” kageyama fixed my hair, putting a strand of hair behind my ear.

“you’re really a different one, tobio” i smiled, tears still staining my eyes- but kageyama is always there to wipe it away.

“y/n, can i kiss you?” kageyama asked, licking his lips while holding my face with both of his hands.

i nodded my head, putting my hand on his hands, feeling his lips on mine after months of heartbreak and pain. after thinking that the both of us are never meant to be. after being tired of our fears.

“and i hope you don’t mind that i looked through your schedule and that your semester break already started, thanks to the courtesy of smart tsukki, because we’re going to europe.”

i smiled, shaking my head and pulling kageyama to kiss my again, transferring his warmth to my body.

“i don’t mind. did you tell tsukki? i’m surprised he wants to help you.”

“yes. he suggested this, actually. and everyone knows, this reunion is actually my plan. i know you wouldn’t stand hinata and nishinoya pestering you into going, i’m also glad sugawara bumped into you, he can bother you too and it worked.” kageyama laughs, giving me another peck on my lips.

“you’re evil”

“y/n?”

“yes?”

“i love you. this is the first day that i will love you recklessly and carelessly, and i’ll continue to love you forevermore” kageyama’s words shocked me, earning a smile from me and a kiss.

“and i as well, will love you forevermore, tobio kageyama.”

and he’s mine. again.

AAAAHHHHHH thank you so much for reading the whole thing!!! i am going to cry this is so poorly written and i wrote this at 4am and i was half sleepy, i haven’t got the time to edit this but i hope dearest readers who are here enjoyed it!!! T_____T

[aikainkauna]

Fanfic trope meme

Apologies to those of you who see this for a third time, as I’ve crossposted it to both LJ and Pillowfort. Feel free to comment over on there (or my other posts) if you like. And of course, feel free to grab this one and do it yourself, if you like.

***

Grabbed this meme from a couple of people on LJ. It's... well, apparently about fanfic tropes. Some of them more terrifying than others.

I have written:

-Hurt/comfort (Yeah, baby! Most of my fic is this.)

-Body swapping (Sort of? Souls slipping into each other's bodies for a bit? Jaffar feeling what Yassamin feels? Sex swap, I've definitely done.)

-Soulmate identifying marks (tattoo, red thread of fate, etc) (I have! The Throne of Solomon. And maybe The Past Forgotten counts, in its way. I may have written more, but I forget.)

-Snowed-in cabin/isolated together for extended period of time (The Jaffar/Pwinzezz Cavefic!)

-Found families (I guess the Samarkand gang counts for poor old Fadl? Even if Jaffar *is* his brother, so technically it is his family. But he does have his religious congregation and Zainab, and is... well, he always does seem to be seeking something, so he's the kind of guy to go for this trope.)

-Fairy tale/mythology AU (And not just when I am  writing in *actual* fairytale/mythology fandoms. Which I am doing most of the time, what with Thief of Bagdad being a 1001 Nights fanfic anyway. So I'm writing fanfic about a fanfic of some age-old RPF (fantasy AU!) about historical figures from the late 700s/early 800s...)

-Enemies  to friends to lovers (Yes, please! Aplenty. I'm surprised that  enemyslash/FoeYay/Hero(ine)/Villain(ess), whatever you want to call it,  isn't mentioned on this list.)

-Characters swap roles AU (Uh... I've written sexual switching in some isolated chapters? Like when Laura  briefly doms Torsten in The Fall of Angels, to help him get over some traumas?)

-Friends to lovers (With RPS, Veidtbone in particular, and Theta/Koschei. This also seems to happen whenever I write femslash.)

-Magical  connection (telepathy, etc) (Doctor/Master basically ruined me for all  my other ships what with their telepathic ability. So that now, it feels less interesting for me to write love/sex that *doesn't* have telepathy.)

-Fake dating/fake marriage accidentally turns into feelings (see next trope)

-Royals/political marriage turns into feelings (These last two are pretty much the same thing in ToB, as I've had Yassamin marry Jaffar a couple of times--like The Past Forgotten and The King's White Falcon, but without him laying a hand on her for up to a year, until she finally grows a brain and realises how loveworthy he is after all.)

-Seemingly unrequited pining (Emphasis on the "seemingly." Jaffar's unrequited   pining is painful enough in the movie, so there's no point in making him  suffer any more.)

-Accidentally fell in love with the mission target (Well, *kind of,* what with Torsten. Lars-Erik was definitely his mission target in the original film, and at the start of Because The World Belongs to the Devil, he made no bones about having wanted to kill Laura Erika [the teenage girl version of Lars-Erik in this AU, to those of you just joining in] when she was born.)

-They break up (but then they get back together) (With Jaffar/Fadl.  Fadl's stormed off in a huff at least twice in the past. And Doctor/Master is always the same old on-off car crash, isn't it? Although this is not a favourite trope of mine, as the setup would usually necessitate them being an existing couple in the first place,  and I tend to not write canon or "plausibly lovers" ships because   they're already happily together. What do Two and Jamie, Holmes and   Watson etc. need me for? They're already as good as married. Let them have their happiness.)

-Supernatural creature/human romance (Sort of. I've written Time Lords/humans, humans/djinn at least. And surely wizards count as supernatural romance, anyway?)

-Reincarnation/'25  Lives' AU (What's with the 25 lives? Is this some big fandom thing again? One of the darkest, most fucked-up fics I ever wrote was the Master killing the Doctor during sex and fucking him as he regenerated around him. As you do. And there's reincarnation in one of my Jaffar/Pwinzezz fics,  but I won't spoil it for the new readers by telling you which one it is.)

-Selfcest (possibly due to time travel) (I am scratching my head trying to remember when I wrote this and in which fandom, but I have the distinct feeling I've written it. I've certainly whacked off to  that World Of Simm!Masters clusterfuck what with the pink dress so many  times I... I think I broke two clit buzzers during that time. I've certainly drawn it. And drawn some Connies on Connies. And then there's, of course, Sarosh the Sexbot ��who's a clone of Jaffar, looks-wise, but he is very distinctly just a robot, not a living character as such--not the sort with which you could  have a real, interpersonal dynamic. My problem with selfcest, in general, is that I like having that character dynamic--and that requires  the characters to be different from one another. If it's two characters  that are too similar--if they fulfill a similar role in the canons--it's hard to create a dynamic between them and to make it   interesting.)

-Polyamory (Swinging away ALL the bloody time with the Roses!Jaffar and Yassamin, and Torsten/Laura. Sometimes I miss the monogamous 'verses.)

-Amnesia (I've got a post-movie "Jaffar comes  back from the dead" WIP I'll probs never finish, because it doesn't seem to get off the ground. If I wrote this trope, I would have the characters gradually regain memory, though; complete mind-wipes are   horrid. I did have Handy lose the majority of his cognitive/motor/Timey skills in No More  and that was the main reason I had to... well, I'm not going to spoil it if someone hasn't read it yet, but it wasn't the cheeriest of fics. The Past Forgotten *sort of* has this, but I don't want to spoil as to how that happens.)

***

I could write:

-Daemons (Why the archaic spelling? I have written djinn, so I almost put this in the 'have written' section. I can't remember if I actually *have* written real demons, because I might have. Surely, Torsten counts...)

-'Everyone is evil'/mirrorverse AU (Well, mostly, if I want to explore "evil"   characters, I write about those types of characters in the first place, without having to turn anyone evil. Devilry is the 'verse for that. Hell, usually it's the other way around; I try to look for the human elements of the baddies, or at least explore their logic--what makes them tick, what makes them the way they are. So, IDK, I could've also   put this in the "unlikely to ever write" section.)

-And they were roommates! (This would be terrible and also hilarious, whatever characters ended up becoming my victims. Even if I'm more interested in those hurt/comfort plots, overall. And I have always found it *impossible* to live under the same roof with other people because I need peace and quiet and solitude too much. So this is almost a bit too much like the sorts of negative RL experiences I don't really want to get more of in fic.  But I *could* write it as a comedy for cheap lols, especially if the stress were resolved by hot bonking, ASAP.)

-'They  all work in an office' AU (Otherwise, I would've put this in the "just  no" category, but... the Barmakids were civil servants. So I *could*   write Jaffar and Fadl drowning in paperwork--"WHY DID WE EVER introduce paper into THIS EMPIRE?!?" and cursing their fates and Jaffar restraining Fadl from braining Harun al-Rashid with a paperweight. Same with Lina doing Zainab's books and trying to hold back The Fist of Death when Fadl carelessly drops a piece of his lunch over her perfectly calligraphied accounting.)

-'Falling for a coworker/teammate is a bad idea' except this is fiction so it works out (Maybe. Just maybe. But it'd also be in a medieval ToB context.)

***  

I will probably never write:

-'Groundhog  Day'/karmic time loop (I just never got the appeal of this. Sounds like the sort of thing experimental writers would like? The sorts who really  like filling in bingo cards and challenge lists?)

-Vampires/werewolves  AU (I'm not that big on either. Super-unpopular opinion coming up: I prefer sex to the sublimation of it that vampires are often all about; bloodsucking in lieu of sex, and/or being seen as way better than sex just always feel to me like a cheap cop-out from writers who are disappointed in sex, or afraid of it. I've never grokked it any more   than that stupid, stupid "chocolate is better than sex" quip from women who don't know what masturbation is--yes, it fucking well is sex, TYVM! I much prefer to make partnered sex better than it is IRL by adding supernatural stuff like telepathy to *that*. Immortality alone is interesting to explore, as are Gothic themes, but all the usual themes that vampires *specifically* usually represent just... either hold little interest for me, or then, I can explore them in other ways.)

-'Pride  and Prejudice' AU (I don't hate Jane Austen, but it's not my fandom. That kind of society stuff and being witty over teacups in bonnets has never really been my thing--if anything, I usually have my characters exist in their own bubble, isolated from society and its restrictive mores and social stresses.)

***

JUST NO!

-Coffee  house AU/food service AU (AUGH! Please, no coffeeshop AUs for me; the world is full of them already. Maybe I could write it as some terrible, short parody? Or doodle it? But no more than that.)

-Hogwarts AU (Haven't read HP. Young Adult isn't really my genre. I know, I know; I've just lost all my WLW cred.)

-High  school/university AU (I've done Time Lord Academy-era stuff with Doctor/Master, but I expect this means a sort of American high school/university AU with jocks and cheerleaders and shit. Hell, no. Again, the exact sort of horrid society stuff I would rather have my characters escape from.)

-Adopting/raising a baby (Erm, not unless you count Jaffar/Yassamin adopting a cheetah? They do have kids in some 'verses but there's none of that everyday baby stuff that this question/trope probably implies. I'm squicked by   babies, sorry.)

-Unusually specific occupation AU, like, the Author clearly has the same job (It worries me that this is, by virtue of its inclusion here, apparently seen as normal and acceptable..? When it's crap fanfic, inserting yourself into something that should be about the *established* characters instead. Jesus, I don't want to go in expecting a fanfic, and then find out it’s your diary instead! Unless you're Anaïs Nin. And even if you really *do* want to write about yourself, then just... write original fic? An autobiography? A blog? Write an OC that has your job. Don't do this false advertising where you insist it's fanfic when it's not. That's a dick move towards your readers.)

-Loyalty kink (see next trope)

-Alpha/beta/omega (Too creepy. I can write about piss, shit, incest, necrophilia and cannibalism, but not these last two. Any more than I can glorify the Nazis I've written about; I either take the piss out of them, as with Strasser, or just step outside of their politics and bring them into the land of happy sexings like with von Kolb, with the aim of dragging him out of that madness and leaving it behind.)

-Hot single parent(s) (Please. Rundvik: "You love children." Torsten: "I loooooathe themm.")

-Unrequited pining (Too much of an emotional squick. Has to be requited. I write fanfic to fix things, to avenge wrongs, to set things right. I don't write them to make the characters more miserable than they already are. Unless it's for temporary, character-development purposes, that is.)

[luzrof-rulay]

Tales of Berseria - Post Game Thoughts

Topics:

Introduction

Gameplay (graphics, systems, all that technical jazz)

Plot

Sidequests

Characters

Character Relationships

Music

In Relation to Tales of Zestiria

In Conclusion

  Introduction

After playing Tales of Zestiria, I found myself yearning to know more about the world’s lore – especially since we only see one continent during the game. Having heard that Tales of Berseria is set in the same world, but 1,000 years prior to the events of ToZ, of course I wanted to play it.

And last night, I after about 40 hours of gameplay, I defeated the final boss.

This will be a post much like my Post-Game Thoughts for ToZ – a collection of my thoughts immediately after finishing the game. I also tweeted a few vagueish reactions whilst playing the game, so take a look at that thread if you want to!

I’ve tried to keep this post spoiler-free where I could, but there are a couple of sections which contain spoilers - I’ve marked them with asterisks like so: *** spoilers ***. The spoilers generally come at the end of a topic section, so if you’d rather avoid spoilers, just go on to the next topic section.

For a short general review: 4/5 stars. It took me a while to get into the story, and much longer to care much about the characters (aside from one or two from ToZ bias). I’d definitely recommend playing it if you’re a Tales Of fan.

As for whether to play it before or after ToZ if you’ve not played it: if you want the story in chronological order, go for ToB first; if you want a more heart-breaking experience, play ToZ first.

(I’ll elaborate later.)

Now, onto my thoughts.

Gameplay

Okay I know I said that ToZ was beautiful when I played it, but ToB is gorgeous too. Somehow it feels like they’ve managed to smoothen the camera and the motions of the characters to look even more natural. I also loved the 3D cutscenes which showed the characters in battle – they looked fluid and realistic.

The designs for the locations didn’t fail to look amazing, either. Even though there are a few locations we already know from ToZ, they managed to show new sides of those locations, giving more insight to how they have changed over the last 1,000 years. We also got a lot more locations, in that this time the player is able to visit locations all around the world rather than just on the main continent. It made the world feel more open in some ways, though personally I felt closed in when running on the field, since the areas were made much smaller instead of being the large, open fields of ToZ (which I know a lot of people felt looked too barren and empty, but I found myself loving).

The character designs were also great, though it took me a long time to get used to Velvet’s outfit (seriously, was that the only thing she could find in the prison?). Roukurou’s in particular is a design I love because of its traditional Japanese aesthetic.

(Eizen’s design, whilst perfect for him as a pirate, has far too many references to dragons for me to not feel sad looking at him.)

In this game, they’ve changed the system so a lot of the buttons are assigned to different actions than they are in previous Tales games (on the PS4, at least). It took me a long time to get used to the menu, and any time I went back to ToZ, the change was rather jarring. Still, I enjoy the look of the menu, as well as the new menu actions we are given (though I do miss the characters doing the cooking for me).

As for the battle system, I prefer the ToZ battle system to the ToB one. I felt restricted by having artes assigned to the four buttons instead of analog stick movements, but perhaps I still need to find a way which works for me in battle. I also didn’t enjoy having some of the action buttons moved, simply because it makes switching between games more jarring. The amount of times I’ve tried to guard on ToZ and ended up armatizing instead is one thing, but they really need to find a set input for mystic artes in these games, I’m not kidding.

(Speaking of mystic artes, a certain endgame boss uses the mystic arte Savage Wolf Fury. Way to copy Yuri Lowell, lol.)

One thing I did think they did well in terms of battle was the use of break souls – I found myself using them quite often, even though I didn’t use burst artes in ToV or blast artes in ToZ. For a while I didn’t understand how to fill the blast gauge, and I still think it’s a little tedious, but mostly I’ve been avoiding battles for my first playthrough, so I suppose if I do another I’ll find more effective battle strategies.

(Speaking of battle strategies, I missed the monoliths from ToZ. Not because of the information, just finding them was fun.)

The skills system is something I didn’t put much thought to in this playthrough, mostly because this was a story playthrough which I did on the easiest difficulty. Still, it might take me a while to wrap my head around enhancing/dismantling equipment, mostly because they’ve changed it from what I’m used to.

In all honesty, the game did feel more hack-and-slash than ToZ, mostly because there weren’t quite so many puzzles. In some ways, this was good because it allowed me to power through the game quickly. Still, I felt a lot of the dungeons were less interesting than they could have been, but it makes sense considering the cast of characters presented to us – most of them would rather break down a wall than solve a puzzle to open it.

(I did really like the design of that one earth temple, though, and the water one was really interesting too, especially since it actually had a puzzle. Nothing will beat the trial shrines, though.)

Plot

Tales of Berseria is a game set 1,000 years before ToZ, following a young girl named Velvet Crowe as she sets out for revenge against the Shepherd, Artorius. Throughout her journey, more people who have a bone to pick with Artorius’ Abbey join her.

I enjoyed the plot, I guess. It was certainly an interesting concept, especially since we ended up following a character whose morals weren’t exactly those of our usual ‘pure hero’ archetype. I feel like it became more interesting as time went on and more characters were introduced. The ending, I felt was definitely more than satisfying, and I loved getting more context on some of the things which are only glossed over during ToZ. For me, the pace of the game felt good, since something was happening all the time.

A lot of my problems are with the characters, since I am of the opinion that plot is pushed on by characters and the decisions they make.

Sidequests

I didn’t do many of the sidequests, mostly because my ToZ bias made me care more for Eizen and Zaveid than any of the other characters. I did feel that the two sidequests relating to these characters which I completed – the nor dolls sidequest and the white-horned dragon sidequest – fulfilled the majority of my hopes for more information about these characters in relation to later events. I’ll talk in more specifics later on, but I loved these sidequests a lot.

  Characters

Overall, the characters in this game were certainly interesting, though most of them differed from the type of characters I enjoy in fiction media. I’ll talk a little about the main cast and some of the NPCs.

*** This section contains a lot of spoilers for ToB. ***

Velvet

Our main girl, the revenge-lustful daemon Velvet. After Artorius sacrifices her brother Laphicet, she becomes a therion and swears to have her vengeance.

And I get it, I really do. But all she does is whine.

Okay, maybe that’s not quite true. But for a lot of the game, I felt that she was kind of annoying, since all she would do was talk about wanting to get revenge and telling the others that she doesn’t care about them, so long as she gets her revenge. And it makes sense, for her character, and I see why others might like her. But personally, that kind of character just rubs me the wrong way.

Now, after the plot twist/Phi telling her to “quit whining already” (bless you Phi), she actually became a much more interesting character to me. She showed a lot more of her caring side as well as focusing on her goal, and hence felt a lot less one-sided. I admire that she doesn’t regret the consequences of her actions which lead her to becoming the Lord of Calamity, and I also admire that what she wants isn’t calamity for the world – just vengeance. It gave a much more interesting aspect to the character of a Lord of Calamity – the idea that what they want isn’t necessarily calamity for the world, but vengeance for someone doing wrong against them.

(Honestly, it makes it interesting to look at Heldalf from ToZ with this perspective.)

Her ending is one which I didn’t expect, but it makes a lot of sense.

Phi (Laphicet)

My boy!!! Protect him at all costs!!!

It might be my ToZ bias coming in again, but I have loved Phi since before I played the game. He is a sweet and pure malak who isn’t afraid to learn more and understand about the world, and the balance of light and dark within it. Hell, he helps the Lord of Calamity and genuinely cares for her.

(This boy is such a Hufflepuff.)

He legitimately cares about people and wants to make the world a better place for everyone, and he understand that the world needs to have balance between light and darkness – not just pure light, free of sins, which is what Innominat represented. Innominat felt empty because a world without sin is a dead world, and he can’t feed on emotions of people who have none. Honestly, this aspect of the plot is my favourite, because it’s so interesting to see how these characters feel the world ought to be.

Phi is such a great character, and I love that as he gains his own free will and learns how to be alive, he is able to stand up for himself and not be the pushover that he seems to be from appearance alone.

(Thinking about his future makes my heart hurt, but that didn’t stop me from giving him the bookworm Sorey attachment. For reasons.)

Roukurou Rangestu

For a while, I didn’t care that much about Roukurou’s story, but by the end of it, I really loved it. As a character, he is super interesting – calm and chill and laid-back, but able to get fired up and angry and filled with the desire to kill his brother. He doesn’t care that he is a daemon – it’s just who he is, and I love that.

I love his traditional Japanese aesthetic, as I mentioned before. I love that it extends past his appearance into his fighting style and even the food and drink he enjoys.

Magilou

I didn’t expect to love Magilou as much as I do, and yet here I am. She’s a super interesting and fun character, even more so once you consider her backstory and future. If you played ToZ before ToB, like I did, then her real surname might make you understand her motives a little more, because I felt like it did for me.

Eleanor Hume

I actually enjoyed Eleanor’s character a lot more than I thought I might, and I think that’s because I understand her viewpoint more than most of the main cast’s. Rather than seeking vengeance, she wants purity and peace for the world, but soon figures out that the Shepherd Artorius who she once followed has ideals which she does not agree with after spending time alongside daemons and malakhim.

Her development makes her character feel a lot more fleshed out and interesting, and her backstory makes it clear why she wants what she does.

Eizen

I saved him for last of the main party because I know I’m going to ramble a bit here. Apologies in advance.

I love Eizen so much???? Like I knew I’d like him because I’ve played ToZ and I love Edna but oh my god I love Eizen.

To start with, his Reaper’s Curse is something I found super interesting. I already knew from ToZ that it’s possible for seraphim/malakhim to have a curse instead of a blessing, but for some reason I really didn’t expect it with Eizen. It makes a really nice contrast to Edna, who mentions in a skit in ToZ that she has strangely good luck. Seriously, siblings with contrasting blessings? I’m in love.

(You would think they would cancel each other out, but I suppose Edna’s good luck is that she survived all the shit that happened to her when Eizen was around lol.)

I also love Eizen’s personality so much. He’s similar to Edna in some ways – stubborn and wayward and never straightforward about his personal emotions. Still, he geeks out about things like a typical middle aged man would about a car (fujibayashi’s rod, anyone?). I love that he has so many interests and so much knowledge… knowledge which ends up being outdated or wrong half the time lol.

(I finally understand that one ToZ skit (‘Edna talks about her brother’) where Rose asks if Eizen was like Sorey and Edna says “Maybe.” They’re both as adventure-crazy and interested in ancient artefacts as each other.)

And then there’s his fate – the malevolence he takes in from Theodora which will eventually turn him into a dragon. Since I’ve already played ToZ, I knew this would happen, which makes it all the more heart-breaking knowing exactly how that’s going to play out.

Zaveid

I had to talk about Zaveid here okay he’s half the reason I played this game in the first place.

Zaveid.

Who hurt you?

(That’s what we find out through his ToB sidequest lol.)

I had already heard that his character is a little different in ToB because some stuff happens to him, but I never expected it to hurt this much. He was so happy? Finally free of being a slave? Happy to just go around fighting but never killing? Checking in on a little family he cares about? Probably hoping to start his own one day?

I feel so bad for Zaveid. So, so bad. I love him so much. He has been through so much but I understand now why he is the way he is in ToZ. They really did a good job of filling up the holes in his development, because I remember after finishing ToZ the first time that I wished I knew more about Zaveid. Now I do, and I understand him better for it.

Others

Artorius was a really interesting villain. It was nice to see a Shepherd who had fallen so much, who had lost hope in humanity to the degree that he felt that taking away the emotions which create humanity was the only way to save it. His final scene is actually heart-wrenching.

The other side characters are all also really interesting, for the most part, and I felt they got good amounts of development.

(What I didn’t enjoy was Kamoana. I liked her story, but her English VA put me off her so much for some reason. Her voice grates on me so much.)

  Character Relationships

I’m not going to talk too much about this, because there isn’t much to say. In this game, however, the relationships between the main cast feel so much less like the ‘found family’ we get in ToZ. It’s definitely a ‘selfish co-dependence’ or whatever they call it. They use each other for their own ends, and sure they care about each other to an extent, but they are mostly self-focused, in my opinion.

Perhaps, in a second playthrough, I’ll have more appreciation for the relationships between these main characters.

  Music

If you’ve seen my ToZ Thoughts post, then you know I’m a massive music nerd. One of the things I love most about video games is the soundtracks.

Tales of Berseria’s soundtrack isn’t really all that striking, in my opinion. Sure, the music is good – I’m listening to the soundtrack as I write this post – but none of it is particularly stand-out amazing. I can’t really pick out a theme which I love above all, because none of them struck me all that much. I’m actually a little disappointed in how lacking this game is in the music department.

That having been said, a few of the tracks from ToZ have been re-used for this game, so I’m not complaining. I loved that they kept ‘Zaveid the Exile’, and the fact that they used the slow, calm part for the battle against the dragon gave me chills which I haven’t experienced since ‘The Full Moon and the Morning Star’ in the battle on the Zaphias Sword Stair in ToV.

I did enjoy a couple of the battle and area themes, and the music which plays in the two elemental shrines we visit (the water one’s called Palamides but I forget the earth one’s name) was beautiful. There were also arrangements of other themes mixed in there, but once again, none of them struck me very much.

The opening theme – Burn by FLOW – is one which, I’ll admit, I love a lot. Both this game and TOZX have introduced me to FLOW’s music, and Burn and Kaze no Uta have become two of my favourite songs. The part in Burn where the strings fade out and we get a guitar riff is honestly my favourite thing. Whilst I prefer White Light from ToZ, I still loved Burn as an opening.

  In Relation to Tales of Zestiria

This section is basically an excuse for me to rave about the connections between Berseria and Zestiria, and why those connections made the game more enjoyable for me as a whole. This does in fact mean it requires the following warning:

*** Major spoilers for Tales of Berseria and Tales of Zestiria follow. ***

I’ve already said that I played ToB because of its connection to ToZ. This meant that, when playing ToB, all the connections really meant a lot to me as a fan.

The most obvious thing to start with, I suppose, would be the world and its locations. Seeing towns and fields which I recognised and could place geographically from where they are in the future gave me a lot of joy, and I love that I now understand how Glenwood becomes how it is in the future, geographically speaking. I actually edited the map of Glenwood on top of the map of ‘Wasteland’ (that’s apparently the ToB world’s name) and marked where the locations in ToZ are in relation to those in ToB, and it definitely helped a lot.

Below are two images of that map, so you can also see how things have changed. It’s interesting to see how little the main continent actually changed, save perhaps for the drying up of a couple of areas which were once seas/lakes. I’m convinced that some if the islands surrounding the continent definitely shift to make some of the features present in modern-day Glenwood’s map, such as a couple of islands in the north. I also think perhaps Eastgand moved towards Midgand, but I’m not entirely sure.

Credit for the maps: Glenwood | Wasteland

Another thing which becomes clear thanks to ToB is how the situation of the world in terms of malevolence and shepherds comes to be in ToZ. That is mostly thanks to the fact that we learn of Maotelus’ origins, and by linking that up with what we know of him from the iris gems, we can see that once he became the Fifth Empyrean, he spread his flames of purification across the world and became the prime lord for shepherds who would swear to purify the malevolence in the world whilst allowing people to live and have a second chance at life.

Maotelus obviously stays as the prime lord for all these shepherds until a calamity 200 years before ToZ, which is when we hear of the last known shepherd having lived. After that point, I assume the belief that people had in Maotelus fell, and he continued to give his blessing to the continent until 20 years before ToZ, when the Age of Chaos began, and the malevolent Maotelus is bound to Heldalf, the Lord of Calamity of the time. Lailah, not wanting there to be no chance of there being a new shepherd, takes the oath in order to gain the powers of purification, and is unable to speak about the events surrounding Maotelus due to this.

I feel like this explains why Zaveid, in ToZ, says he has a score to settle with Maotelus – because he knew Phi, however briefly, and obviously he had heard that Phi became Maotelus, the new Fifth Empyrean. When Maotelus suddenly disappeared, Zaveid must have thought that he gave up on purifying the world, or something similar. That’s why he has a score to settle with him – the Phi he met would not give up as easily as this.

Maotelus managed to hold out against malevolence for probably 200 years as people stopped sending prayers to him. He did not give up easily, but was forced to, once people desecrated his shrine.

This means, ultimately, that Lailah is most likely the only one aside from Mayvin and the survivors of Camlann who knows what actually happened back then. Zaveid learns the truth at the same time as everyone else – the only help he had was having known Maotelus back when he was Phi.

There is so much more about the connections between ToB and ToZ that I could rave on about, but these were the main two which relate directly to my understanding of the world which I haven’t already spoken about in non-spoilery detail.

(I’m thinking of saving discussion of Zaveid’s backstory and Eizen and Edna for some meta posts I’ve been planning. Feel free to yell with me about them in my ask box though!)

  In Conclusion

I liked Tales of Berseria, but had I not played Tales of Zestiria beforehand, I don’t think I would have been so invested in it as I ended up being, because I had already fallen in love with what I knew of the world in ToZ, and what I loved most about ToB were the connections to that world. Really, I can see now why I relate with Sorey and Mikleo so much – because it’s the history and the lore of the world, and the backstories of the characters I already knew from the future, which made this game as enjoyable to me as it was.

I enjoyed playing the game, and I’m glad that I did experience it for myself. However, Tales of Zestiria will always be the game which I prefer in this universe.

That isn’t to say that it might not be different for you, if you’ve not read it, though. Playing both games is really useful if you want to understand the world a lot better, even if you play ToB first – playing ToZ afterwards gives you an idea of how the world has changed for the better, as well as how one or two of the characters are doing. I definitely recommend playing or watching both games, if you can.

Now we’ve reached the end of this post, I’d like to thank you for reading it! If you want to discuss anything with me, please feel free, because I love this universe and would love to share thoughts and opinions on it!