#i am not cut out for academia idk why i fucking do it!!

[acespaceacepilot]

Genuinely the academia fic makes me want to read every poem you cited!! Oh my god. Obviously I looked up Staying Quiet and I had a moment of stunned silence and wonder that you specifically knew the poem and exactly where it would be at home. Insane. Also reminded me of other great academia AUs in that now I almost want to write my english lit end of semester essays, thank you for the motivation. Anyway I'm here and not in the AO3 comment section because in the author's note at the start you mentioned having planned out what the characters would be doing and since you were on point with what you showed I am so so curious what else you've got for this setting 👀 in any case thank you so much <3

up top, thank you so much!! amongst my friends, i am a known poetry heaux. i go to poetry readings and feel my feelings; my partner got me a necklace that's engraved with a buddy wakefield quote. i have one of his collections signed to me. i fucking Love poetry.

hieu minh nguyen is one of my personal favorites and something was pinging around in my skull being like "hey! listen! there's a poem from them that perfectly fits astarion!" it fell Perfectly into place, shout out to my adhd background thoughts that were So Sure that hieu minh nguyen's poem should be there.

i'm going to put the rest below the cut, because. i have A Lot of thoughts and feelings

let's start with what i directly used in all my visions converted to blurs:

wyll is a low-rung english professor at a state school when he Could be at an ivy league bc of his dad’s nepotism. but wyll doesn't want a position his dad gets him, obvi. i want wyll to want to be out of his father's shadow, damn it.

(ulder is dean of a business school at an ivy league in my mind. it just fits. as a person with an english/linguistics degree: ulder ravengard has hella business major energy.)

astarion has taken a year or four off from school at this point. i hinted at substance abuse being the main reason that it's taken him so long to graduate from the law program? when he was the same age as his classmates, i think he partied A Lot and ended up having to retake some classes during his undergrad. i think i landed on coke being his chosen vice? idk it's vague for a reason. he's trying to get his life back on track

wyll and gale share an office space.

now here's what i left on the cutting room floor:

astarion is Still older than wyll, but not by more than six years

mizora is head of the english department. wyll has to play nice bc he's waiting to defend his dissertation and she'll be on the panel. she uses this to push her work or responsibilities onto wyll

lae'zel is doing her doctorate in anthropology/paleoanthropology. she's researching ancient war strategies and how social norms impacted them.

minthara is lae'zel's advisor because they'd have a Great dynamic. she specializes in biological anthropology. she can ball park which century any given human skull comes from.

shadowheart is working on her doctorate of psychology and specifically writing her dissertation profiling the susceptibility of cult victims mixed with religious studies to compile information about modern worship

1000000000% there are rumors about shadowheart's personal experience with cults. people say she goes by shadowheart so the cult she escaped from can't find her. she's heard every joke in the book about midsommar. there's some frat boy in the greek row that swears up and down that she bit his buddy hard enough to draw blood when they hooked up.

halsin and jaheira do ecology and agriculture, respectively. environmental sciences people. they both have tenure. halsin runs an internship for wetland management in the summer. jaheira is like a leading expert in soil science.

jaheira told mizora she was a bitch during a whole university department head meeting once and that's why halsin's the department head now.

minsc is literally just a coach. he does not teach Any classes and hangs out with the university's mascot Constantly. he coaches rugby and crew in the summer, basketball in the winter.

gale is a double discipline professor for history and cultural anthropology. So Close to getting tenure. his rate my professor score is mid as hell bc students either love or hate him because boy does this man drone onnnnnnnnnn

he's been on like four different digs in egypt and will talk about them at length but does that thing of "my second time in cairo. wait.... no. it was my Third time in cairo."

i posted this on twitter, but here's the couch lore: the couch in their office is a hand me down from gale's apartment because tara scratched it to hell on the corner of the armrests + the reason why the couch doesn't have any throw pillows is because gale didn't want to be tempted to nap and he already has a terrible time maintaining a work life balance

karlach is in sports medicine. she coaches the track team and works with weightlifters that have olympic aspirations. she was good enough to go to the last summer games for weightlifting, but an accident with a treadmill that she doesn't like to talk about prevented her from going.

she still has beef with gortash because he was on the shortlist for open spot availability.

she's Convinced that he's on steroids

[remmixx]

probably annoying PhD program opinion under the cut

idk what it is about my personality, but i seem to need significantly less direction and validation than the other people in my cohort. this will probably come back to bite me in the ass during prelims and my Defense

BUT

i truly think they're making their lives more complicated and stressful

every week i sit in class listening to my classmates ask the most detailed questions and my instinct is to be like... i'll just fuck around and find out instead of asking.

"can my paper be 30 1/2 pages long instead of 30?" i mean like probably

"should this section of the chapter be called 'methods and methodology' or 'methodology and methods'?" i genuinely doubt they give a shit

so why am i like this? i assume that like 99.9% of all PhD students are super type A and anxious and require validation and permission to do anything, so like... why am i not like that? am i wrong or are they wrong?

or is academia a scam and we're all stupid for going on this journey?

... probably that one, yeah?

[loptrcoptr]

Me, four days ago, chugging through this thesis draft as fast as I can make myself go: everyone works at their own pace. No one is perfect. It’s okay to not have everything together. You are not a failure for needing time.

Me, today, with a draft due, and my Annoying Smart Cohort Pal already basically finished, and my supervisor not responding to my email: e-everyone works at... no one’s perfect... it’s ok... f-failure...

[greyeyedmonster-18]

Any suggestions for surviving/thriving in academia while neurodivergent? I’m in my third year of a doctoral program and I’m starting to feel burnt out despite knowing that I love what I’m studying

oh friend, you are preaching to the choir here.

first off-- idk what your doctorate is intending to be in but I AM SO PROUD OF YOU for pursuing this. the world is in need of more ND individuals in highered. *shakes hand aggressively*. You're in third year and still here, and that's amazing.

second off. my biggest tip for ND folk in academia is go at your own pace. make your own fucking pace and work at it. the curriculum and syllabi were not made thinking of you. the pace of higher ed courses and the design of assignments are made for neurotypical folk who work a certain way, and not for us.

more below cut

so, what do we do? we work when we can. if you are in flow and in a place where you can work--WORK. don't fight the flow, don't stop just because you've completed the readings/papers whatever are due that week or imminently. just keep working until you feel yourself out of flow. WORK with your hyperfocus, not against it. if you get something done that's not due for another two weeks? So be it.

look at your syllabus, mark down when things are due and that's it. set your own fucking pace, and your own schedule to meet those deadlines. similiarly-- do you know how many folk ask for extensions regularly? a lot. if your flow didn't vibe with something that's due ASAP, ask for an extension (and if you KNOW ahead of time that no extensions will be granted, then prioritize getting those things done).

and while i know it seems impossible with all the deadlines and the pressures (and idk if yours is clinically based either and you have HOURLY requirements to meet etc etc, but throw that into the ring), make time to read in your area of interest for FUN. i just read a book i didn't need to read for anything but added to my body of research and it was a great decision. remind yourself why you love the work.

Turn off the noise (and sometimes that means turning off NT classmates who manage stress very differently than ND folk), keep your head down, do the work.

oh.

also. make one day a week a rest week. (usually this is friday for me) a day for regenerating. rest is not a punishment. you need it to continue and sometimes i find that i am most inspired and work on assignments mentally when i am resting and just take a second to breath.

(and...you know.

coffee)

get to know the blogger--ask me anything

[stuckinakillingjar]

someone finally wants to see my collection so i'm here to deliver @tinataotissue

my first manga was death note vol 1, i bought it like 3 years ago, and i've been (kind of) actively collecting since february 2021 or something

written out collection and random side notes are under the cut

from top left upper shelf to bottom right 3rd shelf

naruto massiv vol 1-18 [actually vol 1-54 because there are like 3 volumes bundeled in each one]

given vol 1-6

the way of the househusband (ger: yakuza goes hausmann) vol 1-5 [i dropped this one i'm planning on selling it at some point]

chainsaw man vol 1&2

jujutsu kaisen vol 0-17 [HELP WHY ARE VOLUME 0 AND 1 SWAPPED IN THE PICTURE] [side note i used to literally stand in front of the book store at like 9am during my free period to be the first one to buy the new volume 💀 my schedule changed and i'm sadly not able to do that anymore but just know that i did it for like a solid year]

haikyuu!! vol 1-14

tokyo revengers vol 1-3 [actually vol 1-6, same concept as the naruto bundeled volumes]

a lot of manga previews that they used to hand out in my book store idk why they don't do it anymore lol

3 manga previews for the first volumes of spyxfamily, umibe no étranger (ger: ein fremder am strand), and bungou stray dogs. my book store handed them out for FREE because of a special event today. the spyxfamily one is for my cousin

the final loop one shot collections [i bought this for 3 bucks on ebay and it's fucking ass. don't read this lmaooo]

yagiza no yuujin one shot (ger: my capricorn friend)

death note vol 1 [i don't plan to collect death note. in fact i gave vol 2 and 3 to my cousin and only kept vol 1 because it's the first manga i ever bought]

blue flag vol 1

my hero academia vol 1-8

[oflgtfol]

I feel like people in the astronomy program are so much more laid back than the physics program plus the gender imbalance isnt quite as intense. now that im taking basically all my physics minor courses in one semester, im in upper level courses that pretty much ONLY physics majors are taking, and the entire vibe is so… different …

which is. maybe also why im doubting whether im cut out for academia. because these people are so fucking competitive and just. idk. idk how to explain it

so obviously i have a deep passion and love for science and especially astronomy. to the point where it spills beyond my academic life and into my personal life, to where i gush about it in my free time on my personal blog, to where most of my hobbies and interests are at least tangentially related to it, etc. i am always down to talk about astronomy. BUT I STILL HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF IT!!! when i hang out w friends i met in my classes we talk about things other than academics! we have actual fun!!

but these guys in these physics courses. all they fucking talk about is physics. and not in an awkward nerd way. it just comes across as weirdly like… idk. superior? like theyre trying to sound smart and better than you. like every single conversation is a test of your knowledge. it really takes away from the sense of camaraderie that i enjoy in academic settings and it turns even just basic casual conversation into a competition. add on the fact that theres like, four women in these classes, of which i am one of them, in a class of total like 25 people, it’s just. it creates such an unwelcoming atmosphere

and i just. in previous years i saw the gender imbalance statistics and i was filled with spite to do my small little part to go against it. but this past year has been hell for me mentally. i literally havent felt a single emotion beyond like, all encompassing defeat and exhaustion, so i frankly just cannot gather the will to even feel spite at all, nevermind enough to be my sole motivator for continuing on. and i know grad school must only get worse with this stuff. and i mean yeah as i said, astronomy is a lot better, not so much with the gender ratio (the ratio is slightly better), but the overall attitude is so much more lighter. but again like i just. i know grad school is super competitive i dont even know if i can handle that nevermind the workload of school itself. nevermind the overall work culture of that kind of competition

its still my absolute dream to spend the rest of my life doing formal astro research but with the current state of things its just. i dotn know if im cut out for it with all this, nevermind the fucking financials of it, like i hate competition i just want to do a job and contribute to the field, but in order to make money to survive at all i need to fight tooth and nail for grants and its just. its exhausting. is that really how i wanna spend the rest of my life. Why must these things exist why cant i just do research

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 289: Looks Like the Gang’s All Here

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “you guys don’t really need to know what’s gonna happen to Deku and Shouto right now” and cut away to Toga and Ochako before anyone could get a word in. Skeptic utilized the power of Freak Shounen Coincidence to magically zero in on Ochako and Tsuyu amongst the fleeing crowd. Toga was all “IS THAT OCHAKO” and immediately leaped down to fight them, ignoring Spinner’s heartfelt speeches about Villain Found Family because fight now, hug later!! Down in the streets of some unidentified crumbling city, Ochako was approached by a sweet old lady and was all “I better help this sweet old lady who is definitely not leading me into a trap”, which unfortunately turned out to be poor decision-making on her part. Anyway so now she and Toga are going to throw down. AND ALSO, P.S., BEST JEANIST IS STILL ALIVE, and that doesn’t really have anything to do with anything right now, but BY GOLLY I JUST HAD TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS.

Today on BnHA: Iida and Hadou are all “is it our turn yet”, and Horikoshi is all “yes”, and so the two of them finally burst onto the scene and are all “hello Shouto, Gigantomachia is on his way, btw do you need help” and so they all get ready to fight Tomura together. Meanwhile in Unnamed Ochako And Toga Fight Town, Toga is all “what’s up Ochako, oh is this the All Might doll Deku gave you, I guess you must like Deku as well, just like me, we truly are the same, btw I can use other people’s quirks now” before she vanishes in a flurry of knives and ambiguity, as mysteriously as she came. So that’s a thing that happened. The chapter ends with Gigantomachia and the League STOMPIN’ ONTO THE SCENE, JUST IN TIME FOR ENDEAVOR TO WAKE UP AND BE ALL “OHHHHH SHIT.” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT, “OH SHIT.” Finally the pieces are in place for Dabi to reveal his true identity to Hadou and Iida, JUST LIKE WE ALL EXPECTED.

before I start, thank you so much to everyone who sent birthday messages on Wednesday!! I had a good day; my quarantine impulse purchase guitar that I ordered months ago but had been backordered finally arrived, and so now I can do something productive with my time as I continue to while away these months in isolation! not to say that capslocking over fictional characters and their shounen escapades doesn’t also count as being productive lmao. anyways, my fingers hurt so typing is kind of a bitch right now, but I’m having fun still. IF KAMINARI CAN DO IT THEN SO CAN I

anyway so let’s see what mishaps my various catastrophe-prone children are getting up to this week

okay there are several things happening in this panel which I want to comment on

IIDA!!!

HADOU!!!

“some time after” jesus fucking christ though, how long have Deku and the rest actually been fighting?? like it’s absolutely absurd to imagine that they’ve been managing to hold off Tomura for more than a few minutes, and yet everything we’ve seen these last couple of chapters suggests that this is indeed the case. which is just pure insanity tbh. excuse me sir, but I have an emotionally maturing son, a homewrecking grandpa, and a sleep-deprived one-legged platonic husband who are all in DIRE NEED of medical attention just FYI

lastly, I direct your attention to these two cool cats in the background who are both riding on hover surfboards. living it up like it’s Back to the Future. why are there two of them. do they both just happen to have the exact same quirk. what are the odds. ARE THEY TWINS. I want to know everything about them dammit

anyway so Hadou is asking Iida why he’s tagging along, because unlike the others, he can’t fly and is thus vulnerable to Tomura’s attacks and such

well Hadou I’ll have you know that it his DUTY AS THE CLASS PRESIDENT to tag along and THAT’S WHY

oh shit you guys IIDA SAID “FUCK THE LAW”

“plus Bakugou-kun, whom I am not particularly close to, but nonetheless hold nothing personal against!” well uh, kind of a weird distinction to make there bro, but okay. listen everyone, it’s a tense situation; if Iida feels the need to clarify the ins and outs of his interpersonal relationships with each of the people he’s rescuing then please just respect that okay

anyways though have I mentioned how much I fucking love Iida Tenya though you guys. feels like I haven’t mentioned that enough. I LOVE HIM. there

FINALLY

AFTER THREE WHOLE WEEKS WE FINALLY CUT BACK. OH MY GOD. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG OF A TIME THAT IS TO BE HOLDING YOUR BREATH. [EXHALES]

is it bad that my immediate reaction to this page was A LOT OF LAUGHING, though. fkldlksh this entire situation is SO ABJECTLY TERRIBLE that if I were Shouto I would almost be fighting the urge to look around for a hidden camera at this point. ASHTON KUTCHER WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING HERE. OH THANK GOD, IT WAS ALL JUST A PRANK

anyway so uh. heh. how screwed are we at this point, exactly. oh and also, whose speech bubbles are these. who the fuck would look at this situation and these bleeding children and say “HA!” what kind of monster. just ignore that paragraph right before this one please

OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT

TOMURA I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO AFO FOR ONCE AND JUST LEAVE

pretty please. we kind of have a situation here. not that I wouldn’t love to see what this icy flamey boi could do if push came to shove, but I also have had just about enough of watching children get maimed for today though

OH SHIT

THE TIMING OF THIS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL BUT I DO NOT CARE!! THE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED THANK GOD

“WHAT UP GUYS, WE BROUGHT YOU SOME TERRIBLE NEWS” FKLSHLKHLK

WELL GEE IIDA THANKS SO FUCKING MUCH!!

lmaoooo a wild Lida has been spotted what the fuck is this translation though

I don’t know which is better, the “Lida” (DO YOU EVEN READ THE SERIES BRO), or the “CHRIST” gkfhkg. CLASSIC LIDA

OH SNAP HADOU

sobbing at Manual cradling the still-warm corpse of Gran Torino like a tiny baby khlk;h. BUT ANYWAYS HADOU SAW HER TEACHER ALL BLOODIED UP AND IS READY TO THROW DOWN, YESSSSS, THE MY LADIES ACADEMIA ARC CONTINUES

(ETA: listen you guys, there were many things at the end of this chapter that brought me joy, but perhaps none more than the inclusion of Hadou in the final two page spread looking all serious alongside the Todorokis, as if she has any fucking clue at all wtf is going on slfkhlkhgghsl. what I wouldn’t give to see her and Deku and Iida all making frantic bewildered eye contact at each other throughout the next chapter lmao.)

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT DEKU

ARE YOU PROPPING YOURSELF UP WITH YOUR ARM THAT’S IN SPLINTERS, I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE YOU RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP SOME SENSE INTO THIS CHILD. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN

LMAO TODO’S READY TO TAKE AFOMURA ON. THE SHARED HERO BRAINCELL HAS ALREADY EXPIRED. FUCK IT LET’S DO THIS

“true, I already watched him murder my dad, my boyfriend, my other boyfriend, my teacher, and dozens of other people, but gosh darn it, I just feel like the fifteenth time’s the charm you guys.” shit, I ain’t even mad. who’s up for yet another episode of Todoroki Shouto Attempts to Murder a Bitch

-- “TIME TO CUT AWAY!!” laughs Horikoshi as he gleefully dodges out of reach before I can punch him, that SON OF A --

goddammit. you’re just lucky that I’m invested in the girl power fight too

YESSSSS OCHAKO

DON’T BE SORRY FOR KICKING ASS! NEVER BE SORRY FOR KICKING ASS

damn, looks like she managed to touch Toga’s shirt but not Toga herself. both of them are so fast

now Toga is monologuing from the shadows

we’ve all been there, Toga. sometimes you see someone you really like and it’s just like, ahhhhhh gotta kill them am I right

lol I love Toga so much you guys, but I’m also kind of wincing in anticipation of whatever essays are gonna materialize out of the fandom this week explaining how hero society has failed her utterly and she is just a victim here. CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW SHE JUST WANTED FREEDOM TO BE HERSELF AND MURDER A BUNCH OF PEOPLE flhkklhl

OH SNAP SHE WENT AND TOLD HER THE THING!!

and it was fucking awesome and scary as shit, Ochako. like damn, still sends a chill up my spine just thinking about it

anyway so now Toga is continuing to explain that she can use the quirks of whoever she transforms into

and Ochako is kind of freaking out, which I don’t blame her for, since it’s probably really upsetting to hear that your stolen blood and quirk were used to murder a bunch of people. shit

so now she’s all “WTF WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL ME THAT”

??? was this somehow the wrong answer?

for fuck’s sake. Toga you literally came down here to ask her if she would be willing to kill you, and here she is telling you “I would never be happy about killing someone, that’s fucked up”, and you’re all “......”

like come on though, what else do you want her to say?? and why does Ochako look so shocked now

OOP

LMAO

THEIR FACES DKSLHFKG. TOGA NO THAT IS MEAN. and jesus christ Ochako it’s just a toy. I know it has Sentimental Value and shit but is this really the thing to be getting distracted about right now

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

JIN-KUN WHOM OCHAKO HAS NEVER FUCKING MET?? THAT JIN-KUN??!

OM NOM NOM

this entire confrontation makes absolutely zero sense to me you guys. just. Horikoshi was all, “this is the kind of stuff girls talk about when they’re battling to the death, right?” just, are you okay my dude

anyway so Toga has somehow deduced that Ochako got the doll from Deku, which means that she and Ochako are exactly alike in every way, and this is somehow an important plot point, and now they’re finally getting back to the fight lulz

OH SHIT

OCHAKO BOUT TO SLAP THE SHIT OUT TOGA WITH THIS BOOKCASE ON A STRING AND THIS LOUIS BAG OH FUCK

so now Toga’s all excited and she’s all “THERE’S SOMETHING I OUGHT TO TELL YOU, I’M NOT LEFT HANDED EITHER” oh snap

fuck, it almost feels like she’s trying to warn her. Ochako idk maybe you should run shit I do not like this ( ﾟдﾟ)

but of course she is not running, and she’s all “I’ll have you take responsibility for your actions”

HEY NOW

WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING, DID TOGA JUST FUCKING MURDER TSUYU, WHAT THE FUCK. I AM TERRIFIED, I DON’T WANT TO SCROLL DOWN, SHE THREW LIKE FOURTEEN KNIVES INTO THE DARKNESS, WHAT THE FUCK

OH

IT’S POSSIBLE THAT I MAY HAVE OVERREACTED

so did Toga just Swip a bunch of knives for no reason and then abscond, lol what. CAN ANYBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE PURPOSE OF THAT ENTIRE SCENE WAS. ASIDE FROM GETTING TO SEE OCHAKO TRY AND YEET A BOOKCASE AT SOMEONE

fuck, she was crying??

DID MY GIRL TOGA JUST KILL AN OLD WOMAN, NAKEDLY LURE OCHAKO INTO A BUILDING, ANTAGONIZE HER INTO SAYING “I’LL MAKE YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR KILLING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE YOU FELT LIKE IT”, STEAL HER DOLL, GIVE HER DOLL BACK, TELL HER “OH SO YOU LIKE DEKU TOO HUH? BTW I CAN USE OTHER PEOPLE’S QUIRKS”, AND THEN RUN AWAY CRYING??? BRUH

-- OH SHIT, OH FUCK

[SIRENS BLARING WILDLY] [AUDIENCE LEAPING OUT OF THEIR SEATS] [T-SHIRT CANNONS BOOMING IN THE AIR] [VIKING WAR HORN SOUNDS IN THE DISTANCE] FUUUUUUUUUCK

well never the fuck mind about Ochako and Toga and WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT ALL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, I guess, BECAUSE!! MACHIA MADNESS HAS ARRIVED. SPEARS SHALL BE SHAKEN!!! SHIELDS SHALL BE SPLINTERED!!

AND LOOK WHO WOKE UP FROM HIS NUMBER ONE HERO BEAUTY NAP RIGHT ON CUE, TOO!!! ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS... IIIIIIIIIIT’S TOUYA TIMEEEEEEEE

[bunny-hoodlum]

I'm not dead!

But I did totally blank out (afain) on this side of the interwebs and I am very, very sorry about that. 🥺 Tbh, I was going to ease back into the Tumblrsphere, cuz I had turned on notificiations for like all of a minute a couple months ago... And then I couldn't watch WandaVision in private listening mode without the audio cutting out from the notifications. XD I feel like I'm somehow showing my age because surely that shouldn't be such a hindrance... Well anyways, I turned off notifications right away and forgot about everything since then. Q n Q

My current brain space in order has been: Kipo: Age of the Wonderbeasts, Dr. Stone, Jujutsu Kaisen, Heaven's Design Team, I've dyed my hair 3 times again, I'm wondering when I can get my ears pierced budget-wise (I'm literally hitting my 13yo milestone at 30, I'm such a late-life bloomer)... I've been eating almost nothing but salad for the past week or two, Idk, the days blur together and time means nothing to me anymore... Going back to shows!!! My recent headspace is: My Hero Academia -- YES I'M FINALLY BINGING IT -- Tokyo Revengers, ODD TAXI (I loooove this unique anime, it's like a gritty Parappa Rappa), Shadows House ... I still have to watch To Your Eternity but I'm going to be all over that!! And I recently decided to watch Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle. I absolutely love it. What I wasn't loving was the Funimation captions being too early since jokes are ALL ABOUT THE TIMING! So I'm still on ep 4.

Will I ever really talk about any of these? Or draw fan art ever again? I have no idea. The urge never crosses. The images never visit my mind anymore.

I'm just dropping this here because it's been awhile and I am alive but I've just got the worst attention span and I will check my messages again just like I always do before I disappear again -- I'm not actively working on anything that I would share on tumblr so that is why I forget to come on here -- what was I getting to? Right, anyways...

I haven't forgotten about the stories I need to update and repost (like "Powerless") but my procrastination keeps kicking in because the amount of time it feels like I'll have to put in towards that stuff is overwhelming, and when it all turns into a multi-project sludge in my brain, I just go hide in video games and shiznots. 😔 Ugh.

Even the thought of updating on FFN is intimidating me. I'm pretty sure all my old files are gone by now because I haven't refreshed them. So to re-upload "Powerless" is literally going to be like from scratch. Not writing it, I mean the editing. The italicization and the bolding and the scene separation!!!

I wish I hadn't deleted it the first time after all. Q_Q It could've just sat there accruing hype or yearning or whatever. Ugh.

Okay, so why is my attention span so bad honestly? Well, I have the chance to not work slave wage and instead actually focus on my 'art'. Ofc my fine motor skills are rusty and my digital drawing program skills are severely lacking. When everyone else has kept at it, I fell behind. That's what it is and what it feels like. I'm just at a hobbyist level, like, it's really, really bad. And I'm struggling not to look back on my life and question why I didn't do more to make sure I went to art school. Like actually work buttloads to go to VCUArts. Idk, my mom 10 yrs ago was like 'you need a car', as if I can't exist anywhere outside her reach without one. But I would've tried to live in the dorms and just bike. UGH. WHY DIDN'T I JUST DO THINGS AND SAID FUCK ALL TO OTHER PPLS WORRYING??!

Sorry. Ahem.

On the other hand... There's Skillshare and Schoolism and things, and even some Youtuber art pros have discord critique days or whatever, and all that is supposed to be a better investment than 200k debt, but I still keep feeling like I avoided really important experiences and that I'm still disadvantaged. I'm prolly am being pessimistic but it feels so objectively true. Ugh. I just don't see the self-taught vs formal education gap ever closing in a satisfactory way.

I forget what my point is. I wish I could update my fics, I really wish I could schedule some time in, but I haven't been able to properly think about any of it for the past three weeks I think. Another thing that's currently occupying my headspace is an artist that goes by HeartMush. I don't want to @ them because I don't want them to see my whining, but I'm sooooo enamored with their skills and envious of their formal education. And other things. Which you could find on their website contained within their downloadable CV. T_T This person feels like a prodigy to me. Lesigh.

Anyways, if I ever come back again, hopefully it'll be some art that I'm proud of. Maybe whenever I get there, I'll have clearer feeling how much farther my goal really is, and that should be enough for me.

[yeocult]

ateez film diary analysis

ok i am currently typing with tears in my eyes but that’s cool!!!! gonna talk about ateez diary film for a moment. btw if you’re here for theories, this might not be for you, my brain is not capable of that critical thinking lmao. although, i will be rambling/analyzing the cinematography and overall admiring the film!! under the cut because this happened to be 1.5k words oops.

man, first of all, 16 minutes?? thank you for the food kq!! i think their concept is super cool. it’s unpredictable, refreshing, and just gives me a lot of high hopes for this comeback. ateez never disappoints, they come back each time stronger and better.

“this is the story where their dimensions are split into eight pieces again.” that kinds hurt me. throughout the film we see clips of them being happy and joyful with each other, but we also see scenes where they’re all alone. they didn’t get separated by losing contacts or whatever, literally dimensions.

phew okay, when the man with the black fedora approaching hongjoong like that was soooo dskjdj ugh i love it when they have a bright light in the back, capturing the silhouette perfectly. sorry i’m such a sucker for those types of shoots!! now hongjoong’s dream. “the world inside a television cannot be reached. the world they live in and the world that i live in is blocked.” yea.. they’re separated from dimensions. isn’t that so heartbreaking?? separated by time and space. 

um this might be a huge stretch, plus i’m horrible at science. i’ve read a lot of articles on where, ‘if time stopped would gravity still apply?’ and i thought of this because of the items floating up around hongjoong. without time, gravity, acceleration, speed and force are simply meaningless, so i guess that’s why it’s floating? as if we’re going back in time. there’s a lot of consequences and weird things on going back in time/time travelling (most famously the ‘bootstrap paradox’) because time is not an object and cannot ‘go’ anywhere at all, not forward, not backward, nor can it stop. so i expected some not so happy events to occur.

anyways moving on to seonghwa’s memory. i loved this. “i thought i lacked in many areas and have much to learn.” then we see a bunch of to-do lists and i guess they’re kinda like goals to accomplish or things he wants to learn. the somewhat long shot of him sitting on this table and the camera moving away from him gave me a sense of isolation (i also don’t know why yeo in the smn box is on the tv but it could mean he’s trapped). we also see him walking straight, kinda like following a straightforward path with a lot of control, hence the to-do lists. then he hits stops. now the girl is the total opposite of seonghwa. she’s dancing, moving, and overall carefree i would say. everything seonghwa is lacking. she’s freedom. i don’t have much to say about this scene but i really like how when he was walking one step at a time, it was completely dark. but as soon as it hits stops and sees her, there were lights.

now my favourite, wooyoung’s choice. that transition to seonghwa’s little emo time to wooyoung’s hyped underground music and dancing was the serotonin boost i needed. let’s talk about his ponytail because it made me a whole simp for him. plus he’s so fucking cool?? if i become a wooyoung biased soon, you know why. he talks about stage fright and the scene where people were looking down at the camera was perfect, low camera shots show dominance or superiority. when you have stage fright, you’re worried and insecure about your abilities (at least that’s how i feel) and with people look down at you is almost like they’re judging and aren’t expecting much from you. ateez brings him courage and reassurance, they give him strength. the last scene with the rain and the flickering light so chilling. its almost like the rain washed away his everything.

yeosang’s time giving me slight dark academia vibes and i’m here for it!!! also bird metaphors?? yes please! “limited freedom. like a bird in a cage.” we see yeosang in a room surrounded by other musicians but he isn’t playing his instrument. almost like he doesn’t wanna be there or has no real passion for this field. hence him talking about ‘expanding his dreams’. we get a close shot at his face looking forward to the right, i feel as if he’s daydreaming or reaching out. taking back to say my name, we have yeosang trapped inside that box, almost like the birds with limited freedom. he drops his violin and suddenly the birds (they symbolize peace, transformation, freedom and power) are free, giving us a scene with his friends. he’s free.

san’s resolution might just be my favourite in terms of cinematography. can we just talk about the long amount of time san has the stay put for the timelapse to work?? the scene wins my heart. now we see the classroom in a mess, meaning school was never enjoyable to san. always moving and no friends. the way he’s moving seems like there’s not much he can do in his life. the escalator scenes kinda look like the one in wonderland. time is always moving, the escalator moving, and san runs back up despite it moving in the opposite direction. im not sure where i was going with this but i thought i was kinda cool, how he’s running back up to be with his friends.

next, we have yunho and his brother. in a matter of seconds, all the light in the studio flicker and turns off. this is quite similar to the flicker lights in wooyoung’s last scene. there’s a pattern here with flickering lights and how it means lost and loneliness. we don’t know what 5:07 mean, maybe its completely relevant but knowing kq and their team, almost everything seems intentional. also i saw on twt (not my analysis) but seonghwa’s to-do list includes a task of learning how to drive, then we get yunho getting hit by a car. not sure where i got from this but i thought i would include it.

actor jongho!!!! he’s so good i love him. ok so we get that basketball was his dreams but due to his broken leg, it seems impossible for him to pursue that dream. we him sitting at a distance, admiring the game and the people who are able to play. but when he’s in the court, he’s all alone (might just be because he can’t go in court when other people are playing but just let me be deep for a second oki). the burning basketball means he cannot play again. then the fight scene between him and mingi. i want to talk about the camera work for a second. it’s unstable, harsh and a little unfocused (because it’s handheld) and it makes it seem like another member’s pov, pushing the realism on us. hmm this might be kinda dumb but the loud bang when mingi got pushed was a little unexpected hence every scene with the boys was all very calm and had music in the back, no sounds. idk just a noticed. ohmygod another silhouette scene with beautiful lighting in the back!!!! the camera is moving away from him, moving away shows weakness. i loveee this so much along with the smoke. his dreams are burning up, literally.

last we have mingi’s diary. “earphones in my ears, the world is mine for now.” again, similar to seonghwa in the dark walking, mingi is isolating himself from the world. he’s using music to escape from reality. mingi looks trapped by the way its shot, cutting off his forehead and lips only showcasing his eyes and nose. this could be his facial features are more important than anything else right now. the camera angle is below mingi, again with the dominance and superiority… because he literally kicked someone. but still the same camera angle except this time mingi is looking up at the sky or forward, not looking down. with that, mingi no longer looks intimidating, he seems slightly vulnerable. and i think that’s really powerful how quickly he transitions despite the same angle. so we know mingi uses music as an escape, “i would rather be alone than encounter the world.” then we see yeosang (by his flannel) taking off his earphones. bringing him back to reality with the boys, and everything seems a lot more peaceful. its kinda like, without his friends, he would rather be isolated. now i want to point how the loud bang from jongho’s shot. it’s literally the same shot but the noise isn’t there indicating that mingi has earphones in (i think even when they’re not literally in, he still shuts out noise), shutting off the noise. i think the little details were so well done. we also get a match cut of mingi blinking, back to the darkness. i think it shows how quickly things can be taken away from you.

MAN THE SCENE WHERE THEY ALL GATHER TOWARDS HONGJOONG JAKJDSJKSDJKSD I CANNOT BREATHE IT GAVE ME SO MUCH CHILLS MYGODDOO !!!!!! like that scene in say my name. gotta love the build up of the song then it drops when the members all show up UGH I LOVED THAT SOO MUCH!! “the memories of short happiness. and dreams broken into pieces” brb gonna cry. the hourglass is finished,, what does this mean? ;o also i cant help but to notice the lighting on how one side is dark and the other has light. this could just be for aesthetics but idkkkk just another notice.

hehe sorry this made no sense,,, anyways that’s all i have to say, i’m so excited for their comeback <33

[blush-and-books]

British Tumblr I need your help because I just saw the trailer for the BBC series Get Even and I am pressed

Why am I pressed, you ask?? Lemme tell you

The BBC series Get Even is a TV adaption of the Gretchen McNeil novel of the same name, which also has a sequel titled Get Dirty. I have read these books and loved these books and have been waiting for an adaption to come --- but not quite like this.

BEFORE I START: I understand that things get changed in film/TV adaptions of books. I am still going to watch this series when it comes out, and I am sure that it is great!!!! HOWEVER, I have a lot of problems with what I've read about the characters and subplots that aggravate me because I am pretty sure that Gretchen McNeil was not a part of production.

First of all, McNeil wrote the books to take place in America. This would typically carry zero importance and I wouldn't have an opinion on it taking place in the UK in the TV series, but it is important because one of the main characters, Bree, is the daughter of a U.S. Senator and this plays a CRUCIAL part in her character and personality. She often rebels for attention and feels like she is incomparable to the achievements of her older brother. In the show, it sounds like she is just the daughter of some rich dude like the rest of the kids are at the school, which takes away her edge and ability to be so intimidating to get away with things.

Following this thought on Bree's character, the black eyeliner I saw in the trailer is not it. At all. Bree is more makeup-free, slightly clueless about fashion, alt music hippie girl than emo, all-black, headphones 24/7 girl. She not supposed to look threatening but is internally the most threatening. I feel like the creators just said "well we can't have a sarcastic, edgy character who looks chill and normal, she has to wear black and leather and lots of eyeliner." Boo.

*I would make commentary on the fact that Kitty Wei is supposed to be like 6'2" but I know that's hard to find in an actress so I'll let that one slide*

Continuing, the AESTHETIC. Y'all the original takes place in California. It has sunny, words-written-on-bathroom-walls, fresh cut grass, light blue and yellow school color vibes. Not rainy dark academia vibes. Yes they are in a private school in the book but it's a private school that has the administration quality of a public school. It's more fresh and... Idk how to describe it. Teenager energy. Not whatever was in the trailer?? Its just different

《 Other less specific things that you might not know about if you haven't read the books, IF YOU'VE SEEN THE SHOW PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTIONS 》

- Mika and Rex are not supposed to be siblings!!!!!!! Akshhdjskahaj

- Donte and Olivia are not supposed to be dating. They are ex bf/gf in the book and Kitty and him get together

- on this note, IS THERE A GAY STORYLINE BETWEEN OLIVIA AND AMBER??? AMBER IS A LITERAL TOXIC PSYCHOPATH BUT OKAY

- Coach Creed is just a violent fucking asshole!!!! He never has any relationships with any students in the books!!! He is angry bc he got fired from his last job after accusations of him coming onto male students (even tho I kinda dig the change they made in the show with him being in a relationship w a student and am excited to see how it turns out)

- Do the 'Maine Men even exist!!?!? Do they just rename them bc obviously they changed the school name so that it isn't Bishop DuMaine??

- The internet describes Margot as a gamer, does the show even talk about her past with depression and self harm!?

- if Bree and John don't get their arc I quit

- CHRISTOPHER BEEMAN IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ALIVE OR AT THEIR SCHOOL WHAT THE---

- Rex and Bree were NEVER FRIENDS EVER

- they literally wrote Peanut out. They wrote my baby out. RIP

My biggest question to anyone who has seen it: is it any good?????

I rest my case thank you

[lgcyunhyeong]

hey there!! this is my first time in lgc and i’m super excited to be here! i’ve been eyeing this place for a while and i’m glad i finally mustered up the nerve to join. this is cho yunhyeong, 21, works part time at his local gs25. he’s been a trainee for little over a year and is hoping to eventually debut in a band! he plays the bass and sings a little bit, and he also wants to get into songwriting and composition eventually. he’s generally kind of a weird kid--super spacey, often distracted, your local space nerd--but he’s a good egg in spite of that. compared to some of the other trainees, he’s pretty aimless and chill, but he does genuinely love music and performing, so...!

you can find some more info about him on his about and background pages but they’re kind of messy so i’ll drop some quick facts about yunhyeong under the cut, along with some connection/plot ideas to hopefully kickstart things! if you’d like to plot, please hit like on this post and i’ll hop into your ims! i also have a discord if you prefer to plot there - just ask me for my username ♡

quick facts:

born and brought up in seoul - very local, most comfortable in his neighbourhood, the most exciting vacation he ever took was to busan (and it was #lit). his parents own the best hot pot restaurant in seoul, and yeah he’s biased but that doesn’t mean it’s not true! 

has an older brother currently in law school and their relationship is best described as ‘i tolerate you’. they’re complete opposites - his brother is super driven and loud and outgoing while yunhyeong is not so they’ve never really clicked beyond the fact that they are siblings and therefore are obligated to love each other

was the quiet kid growing up, had a very chill and subdued personality. didn’t really speak unless spoken too, didn’t play much with others. most of the time he kept to himself and focused on his hyperfixations - first, it was dinosaurs, and then space! and he’s been stuck with space ever since

his mom put him in music lessons when he was younger in hopes that a relatable hobby might help him make friends?? also that it’d work as a conversation starter but it didn’t because yunhyeong remained as weird and solitary as ever! he did fall in love with music as a result though

in high school he decided to branch out and make friends by starting a band - new age sexy aliens or NASA for short. his recruitment process was like: whoever shows up to join is part of the band! it worked out for the best since he and the band members got really close

they started off playing covers but then branched out into their own original music (yunhyeong helped write some of their lyrics). most of their songs used heavy space imagery and they were really pretty but also low key about aliens

yunhyeong loves aliens

nasa had a pretty dedicated fanbase both online and in their school! did well, were thriving, living their best lives and playing hella gigs, and then their lead singer got scouted by an entertainment company. it was the beginning of the end for them; the rest of the members went their own ways as well and the band officially disbanded in 2018 rip

yunhyeong started to busk on/off since he wasn’t attending university and didn’t really know what the heck else he wanted to do with his life outside of the band, and that’s where he got scouted by legacy! joined the company because like... well... why would he not...

wants to debut in a band if he can... and focus on songwriting and music composition as a secondary career path. he isn’t like... super motivated though? has always had issues with setting goals and being ambitious... he’s more like, eh, i’m just gonna go where life takes me! 

personality wise, he’s still a pretty quiet kid unless you get him talking about one of his interests, in which case he will never shut up EVER. he gets distracted easily and will sometimes zone out when you’re talking to him but has a good memory of like, the most random shit you wouldn’t expect him to recall

easygoing as hell, rarely gets riled up over anything. on the flip side, he doesn’t really come across as sincere (even though he almost always is!) in his emotions because people are like... hm... just feels fake. tries to stay as positive as he can and doesn’t dwell on stuff that might upset him. sometimes people think he’s shallow! but he has #deepthoughts. he just doesn’t share them

unmotivated when it comes to most things! has no goals, no ambition, doesn’t care much for academia or being forced to like, conform to things. his mom calls him a free spirit but she’s probably just making excuses for him. it’s more like he’s stuck in some sort of limbo?? scared of growing up but scared of being left behind. it’s complicated

he’s really a sweet guy though. a little odd - he’s not the best at showing affection and sometimes he can be really... strange? offbeat? you never know what the fuck is going on in his head. but he’s a Human Being Just Like You (sadly) and simply trying his best to live every day

connection/plot ideas:

he didn’t really have many friends growing up, but still - childhood friends! maybe you were the exception. maybe you didn’t mind that he was awkward and quiet and a little weird! maybe you tripped and fell on the playground and he gave you a star-patterned purple band aid and you decided you would die for him. who knows! 

friends in general who understand him and look @ him with fond exasperation... must be able to tolerate his antics. liking aliens is a bonus. jk, but he’s a sweet guy who loves his friends! please be kind to him

fans of his former band, nasa (or antis?). he was the bassist and a sub vocal and didn’t stand out too much compared to some of the other guys, but he always did the intros and he’ll happily talk about nasa all day! discuss the symbolism of their songs with him

exes? i genuinely cannot think of a single reason why anyone would want to date him but i feel like he’s had at least (1) relationship before... maybe you took a chance and after you started dating you were like, god, i’m running away

crushes, whether one-sided on his part or your part or reciprocated but you don’t know it yet?? he’s holding out for his alien bae but maybe you don’t know that and just think he’s like, this quiet mysterious pretty boy. maybe he thinks you’re cool for a human! 

fellow trainees who can play instruments... yunhyeong needs someone to #jam with because playing the bass alone is kind of lonely (and since he’d like to eventually get on the band track, making some connections would be cool) 

fellow trainees in general, especially ones in his training group!! he’s not as hungry for debut or as ambitious as some which means he’s a) non-threatening and b) chill to hang with. you could be into that or it could absolutely infuriate you since he doesn’t seem to be taking things seriously! maybe you think he doesn’t deserve to be here

met online on an alien enthusiast forum and you talk almost every single day about various theories and moves and all that kind of stuff but you’ve never met irl! and yunhyeong really wants to meet you in person! 

idk bully him 

you’re buying a bunch of weird shit from the convenience store where yunhyeong works at like 2 am and he has so many questions and won’t let you pay and leave until you answer them

alternatively, you find him sleeping on the job and you want to wake him up but the moment you touch his arm, he makes this high pitched screeching noise and you fall over and take an entire shelf of candy down with you

you invite yunhyeong out for drinks but he took one sip of soju and he’s a mess... you didn’t sign up to take care of a giant drunken baby but guess what! you will be! if he tries to kiss you, dodge him

you always bum free meals from yunhyeong’s parents’ restaurant because his parents think you’re his best friend. tbh you actually don’t really like him but he doesn’t realize it so he never bothers correcting his parents either!

you didn’t realize yunhyeong was allergic to cats and dogs and you brought your cat/dog near him and oh my god he is having the UGLIEST allergic reaction

yunhyeong can’t swim. you push him into a pool as a joke. chaos ensues

you play various video games together and yunhyeong is really good but he’s more interested in stardew valley than in league of legends and you keep pestering him to play with you dammit i need you on my team

you slipped a love letter under his door for one of his roommates but yunhyeong thought it was for him and now he keeps (kindly) rejecting you whenever you see him and you don’t even know how to react

Oh No We Are Trapped In This Room And The Power Went Out And I Am Scared Of The Dark Please Hold My Hand For Science

yunhyeong loves smoothies and one day you catch him trying to blend a slice of pepperoni pizza into a smoothie because he is, and i quote, “tired of chewing”

IDK ALL THESE IDEAS ARE BAD BUT PLEASE PLOT WITH ME ANYWAY

[unproduciblesmackdown]

weird to think back on things like the funky experience of being The All A’s/B’s gang and then The All A’s person during middle school and the Smart Kid designation cuz we all have a godawful time within the k-12 education system and also in Higher Education / academia as well and the setup isn’t like, good for anyone though natch between the “lack of attention / occasional positive attention” and “frequent / negative attention” ends of the experience the former is preferable; apparently weird to have been Good Student passing b/c again idk i have good retention and could memorize shit in homeroom for a quiz that day and that was great b/c actually i had godawful / nonexistent study habits and actually basically hated school and did anything last minute and all but like whatever, i could figure out / understand and remember shit more efficiently / faster than usual so like, idk, i’d get wild results ig. and anyways yeah Smart Kid throughout all of k-12 but like, although i don’t think i’m Not smart in any way, it’s like, but no i hated school and never really tried, that inferred correlation wasn’t there but like also there’s the weird Presumed Identity for you. and it Was weird b/c idk i was like, okay? “perpetually nebulous / imprecise / uncertain sense of identity” gang out here and i’m like hmm okay Am i “the good grades getter?” and then apparently you are cuz like welp that’s the Expectation, and also in my case i was also in the “oops let’s minimize ptsd party” gang of Gotta Get As/Bs motivation..............the point is like, it’s funny how despite that concept of what The A’s Getter is, by now i’m like oh but that’s not even like, my Main Thing, much less my Whole thing. my main thing is that i get wildly interested and passionate about stuff and when i’m really about shit i’m So about it and into it and all that yknow. and it’s like, would be cool if i hadn’t had to like, first fight past this arbitrary Assigned Box to even start to figure out what i’m Really like. but Schools aren’t out here about like allowing for people to be varied individuals and shit. plus, weirdly i’m not sure if i hadn’t had that “Positive” Label to supplant any others that my autistic ass would’ve been largely left alone as much as it generally was............even I didn’t get through middle school w/o some light bullying peppered in there but hey for the most part i got by. and like, i remember 15 was a time for a wild Agonizing Spike cuz that was the point i was having to try to settle on a college major and i was like bitch i don’t know!!! for starters how is every 19 / 20 y.o supposed to know!!! but like litchrelly a year and a half ago my ass was in middle school and barely had any opportunities to individually choose what to pursue, and even if i Had an interest i would sometimes assume if it didn’t seem like The Smart Kid choice i would just assume that like, my interest would only be Allowed to go so far. so yeah i’m 14-15 for the first time having a little breathing room and allowed to pick out my own shit and investigate various stuff (cuz of the luck of getting to live on campus aka parents are Not around and i can be around for more than just Classes) and yet like, that wasn’t enough time to suddenly Fully Realize The Whole Of My Own Identity And What My Actual Passions And Life Goals And Etc Are. plus i kinda remember that i figured i’d flunk out and so was kinda Not spending freshman year expecting to actually be able to do this college thing.....so yeah i always distinctly remember the Stress of sophomore year with this Timer counting down of “gotta declare a major oh god” and trying somehow to Realize What I’m Even Like (i did partially lmao outside of the Academic aspect of it) and obviously like, that’s a Lot.......................plus it was kind of doomed anyways cuz i do remember that when i even mentioned the fact of like “hey what if i majored in ______ [cuz i’m evidently actually like thinking social issues are what i’m thinking i could dedicate my attention to, i’m 15 idk trying to figure this shit out]” and it got immediately brushed off cuz of my mom’s assumptions about what i was like based on my being Smart(tm) and my not wanting to tell my parents about anything Actually about myself by that point so that was like..........well cool to know that that’s not an option for me anymore thanks to immediate dismissal........................like i totally remember that by sophomore year i was def Swiss Idol and “i don’t have a clue what to major in” was a big part of that 9_9...............and like, doing college early is kinda crazy but also Not having high school to mayyyybe figure things out for a bit before hurtling towards Declare Major at 92384 mph is like, would it have helped? who can say. but for example, i know Now i’m a theatre gay, and the limited number of friends-ish i made at college was basically all theatre gays what a surprise, but i myself didn’t ever touch that because i had No direct experience with it, because middle school didn’t have that extracurricular, and then being dropped into hs with people who did? i was like fuck i’m not auditioning for shit i really don’t know how to do. i’m not even Supposed To Be Here goddamn!! i can karaoke avpm in the first floor lounge that’s IT!! fuckin r.i.p. but i mean also i Know high school is it’s own fuckin mess that’s hardly like “flourish as individuals!!” all a sudden. like how i don’t know if i’d’ve been “solid B’s” gang if i would’ve had more room to just figure out my own shit earlier, or if things would’ve been even More miserable cuz of my replacement Type being something more frowned upon cuz weird loser was def waiting in the wings............and then of course Smart Kid expectation constraints wasn’t hardly the only issue in holding back that “oh wait but what am i like *Actually*” process cuz if i was in high school i would’ve been around my parents every day and That was just as much if not more a hindrance in figuring myself out. like going to college may have been useful in that yes i did learn shit but if nothing else i am glad for it b/c the strides i made in “god damn i have to get away from these people (my parents lmfao)” and knowing at least that i’m not Like what THEY thought i was like was E ssen tial Knowledge..........but anyhow like the point of looking back on this shit isn’t to figure out How To Have Run The Perfect Course cuz obviously what’s the point in imagining as broad a what-if, but it’s good for Understanding shit currently..........like oh yeah this crap probably Affected me!! and you gotta know the history to understand the present...............it’s just really wild how like, Passion and (rarely activated) Energy And Intense Interest is like, what i consider my Thing now, and that was like. not what i ever heard anyone else tell me that’s what i’m Like, like, ever basically. i mean not that i don’t think i’m Not smart. it’s just like, not my whole thing and it just kinda feels more incidental, right. What If the whole time i’d been able to pursue whatever i felt like is a wiiiiiiiild question i don’t even know. there’s been so Little of that that’s its absolutely off the shits to be able to put together “oh right i’ve been a theatre gay all along” and “actually i Have performed on stage a decent number of times and supremely thrived in those experiences and i Know i was interested cuz i wished like (@ my family: dni)” and have this very simple (and thus far unusable) Knowledge about something i actually like and am interested in, cuz for the most part it’s [??? ?? ? ?? ???]

on a shorter but related note: the Camaraderie i feel with everyone in the “either has or wants to or would even seriously consider Cutting Ties with parent/s" gang and like, always very Interested in the various experiences within this v broad category. cuz there are so many factors playing into Why you’re in this group and then there’s so many factors in regards to whether someone actually feels able to ditch a ‘rent or two, and then beyond that, all the factors in whether someone’s actually able to............like, knowing that it’s never “lucky” to have to be in this group in the first place, i fairly am Lucky about it in many ways cuz, first of all, lucky to have been able to actually execute [eff off from parents] maneuver, and lucky to get to Know that’s what i totally needed to do........we are all Valide in how we try to deal with relations w/ parents that are so bad you even have to think about “maybe i have to Not Have This Person In My Life At All” and like, when people are dealing with that but Don’t feel they have the option to truly cut that parent or two out of their life, that’s like, well as someone who once felt that way and can Empathize and yet also had these Factors Line Up which let me peace out which aren’t factors that are in play for everyone (as well as a lack of other factors which Are relevant for others and which might mean Leaving Behind Parent/s 5eva isn’t an option they’d consider) it’s like Oh wow, let me hear more about that experience. tldr the camaraderie

oh and ps. it’s funny how like, in my post-being-in-school life, i thiiiiiiiink people usually probably assume i’m Kinda Dumb if anything. cuz the Grades don’t exist anymore but i’m still autistic!!!!! which is another wild factor in thinking about like “well what if [some aspect of my life] had been entirely different, hmmm” cuz it’s like. well i’d’ve still been autistic lmao..............the Social shit has like, been an issue even before the other usual shit in school cuz i Knew i wasn’t fitting in at preschool when all we were doing was like, learning colors and going outside. and it always was a bit distressing to me Never really having more than a couple friends and even then not that close or anything, right? and also how i’d try to Fix this with various strategies and trying out different situations like “oh well i’m not putting myself out there i’ll put myself out there” [tries it and it half-backfires] or “well if i’m spending a weekend with people who know me from Online they’re gonna like me for sure” [majority of ppl in a sub Friend Group i’m peripheral to and i’m intermittently stressed the whole time] “Ah Fuck” lmao and honestly only recently am i like oh right..............when you’re autistic socializing just in a very fundamental way is really like That*.................(*a way i can’t easily explain lmao)............like really just in mad recent times kind of realizing like, oh, okay, i don’t think i can ever Adjust My Approach and just suddenly become good at Easily Makes Friends and that kind of shit..............finally just kinda realizing like ohh right okay i really just do Not do “normal good conversation” like you’re supposed to and that’s just chill The Way It Is not necessarily “not good enough at it” way but It Just Is Different way like........yeah it can be Not Pointless to try to modify your social approach and that’s true for absolutely anyone, but like say, if i’m like oh if i simply get Better at [social interaction task] i will then finally be Good at it, it’s like, shit well that’s honestly just not how it works for me. like, #getting how after a point it’s like “okay learning to do [task] in a way that’s more [like this] is maybe gonna be better for Masking / seeming allistic but like, not for Actually giving me a social experience that’s more fulfilling for Me.” Plus, it’s like, i’m also way more (or okay at least As Much) socially limited by external factors, probably. 

pps oh and also, tangentially related b/c Autistique, it’s wild how every time you delve into (something At All specific about autism) you’ll probably learn something Utterly new about autism which is like god damn this isn’t That niche why haven’t i heard this!! why do i have to know there are 538 other would-be “i should already know this” revelations waiting for me about this topic cuz you have to manage to dig up this stuff on your own and dodge all the unhelpful bullshit types of sites where it’s Not about info from people / for people who are autistic? please. it’s almost like this is a constant and important part of my identity that affects p much every aspect of my life and is helpful to hear others’ info about the collective experience of it b/c like, it’s literally all in your own head and you can’t just somehow Know the ways you’re different in that realm just from emergent traits you can pick up on and figure out. ugh!!!! anyways

this is LONG but NO readmore b/c eh. who am i if not [i hope everyone hates my blog this week.jpg] every week

[artswaps]

Bakugo from My Hero Academia! What was your first impression versus your current; what’s your favorite relationship of his in canon (any type; familial, friendship, mentor-mentoree, etc.)?

I wasn’t expecting to get this character ahaha. I’ll do all of the questions tho just cos (under the cut):

First Impression:

Did NOT like Baku at first. Couldn’t understand why he was such a popular character??? He honestly just came across as mean, he was acting like such a bully even during the first few arcs of the story. Like,,, I couldn’t care about his actual motivations or how “complicated” a character he was or how really he wanted to help people and be the Best Hero, cos all he was doing was insulting people and being a dick and lashing out without caring about the consequences and I found it so off-putting!! And I knew he was one of the most popular characters and also he’s my best friend’s favourite so I was just like “????????? There’s gotta be more to him than this” but honestly I just don’t like those antagonistic characters who are “mean but not really mean deep down!” cos like... really he was just mean lmao 

Impression Now:

Ah well... admittedly he really has grown up a lot and I’ve become begrudgingly quite fond of him. He actually makes an effort to be conscientious of others now (both in and out of hero-work/fighting) and I’m actually pretty proud of him??? He’ll never be one of my favourite characters but I don’t not like him anymore, and his grumpiness actually makes me laugh more often than not. Feels a lot more for show than it used to. I enjoy this character now, I think.

Favourite Moment:

ahdsjfgkh when he got kidnapped by the League of Villains cos 1) His instant rejection of their attempt to induct him (and maybe this was unfair of me but I’m apparently one of the only bnha fans who still didn’t like him at this point) was the first time I actually believed that genuinely he wanted to be a good person and a Good Hero instead of just wanting power or a big title, and I genuinely enjoyed the subversion of the “protagonist’s friend-slash-rival joins the enemy side” trope. It was just simultaneously kind of hilarious and super cool that his immediate and unwavering response was just “absolutely not, get fucked.”

and 2) that moment where his classmates come to save him and they put Kiri at the front with the sole job of holding his hand out for Baku to take, entirely because Bakugou is SO FUCKING STUBBORN AND PRIDEFUL that he’d rather DIE than let anyone but Kirishima help him out, and the others know this well enough to plan for it, and I will never stop finding that hilarious. 

Unpopular Opinion:

I mean apparently the fact that I don’t like him that much (or at least used to not) is unpopular enough.

idk it might be that at least in the early arcs of the srory he was just... very angry and antagonistic and that always made me uncomfortable more than anything else, it kinda stopped me from finding anything appealing about his character for a long time.

uuuuh but once again I am more fond of him these days let’s not turn this into a Baku-roast

Favourite Relationship:

His bromance with Kiri is very very good, because I love unexpected friendships and I love that Kirishima looked at the scowling, insult-spitting, “Do Not Approach Me” mess that is Bakugo and thought “yes, this one. This one will be my friend :)” And then apparently was just persistently friendly enough that Bakugou just... let him. They’re just good.

I also love the Disaster Squad, which is the name I’ve given to the Todoroki-Camie-Inasa-Bakugo remedial lessons gang. Todoroki and Bakugo in general are pretty fun, actually. 

Favourite (dumb) Headcanon:

uuuh Bakugo has very particular favourite places that he likes to get food at, but if he ever sees any of his classmates go there then he’ll stop buying from there and never go back because they’ve tainted it and now he has to find somewhere else, damnit

[david-lynch-ate-my-son]

Kastle College Professors AU Part 3

           (A/N: IDK why Tumblr wouldn’t let me indent some paragraphs, so sorry for the wonky formatting. Let me know what you think! Also I am unbeta’d, so sorry for any dumb editing mistakes I missed.)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Epilogue 

READ ON AO3 HERE

 The first phone call had come three days after the staff mixer. Frank had assumed it was a wrong number—a squirrely kid calling to thank him for volunteering to be interviewed for some kind of project, and asking for the best time to set up a meeting. He’d politely responded that he had no idea what the kid was talking about, and hung up.

            The second call had come while he was sitting in the office across from Karen. Ostensibly, he was meant to be focusing on his work, though in reality he had spent the better part of his afternoon distracted by the way his officemate kept tying her hair up and letting it down again—a nervous habit she took up whenever she was stuck with her writing. He’d observed Karen gather up all that golden hair in a bun, only to release it to drape down her back again, ten times in a row. Watching her, he’d felt the pull of something deep and warm in his stomach—it was the pale and delicate arch of her neck, the way her top button gaped to reveal the dip of her collarbone every time she lifted her arms, the little sigh that left her lips every time she brought them down again. It was heady stuff.

            When the phone had rung, he’d been almost embarrassingly jostled out of his contemplation of her. His brow had furrowed when he’d heard a different voice giving him the same spiel as the first caller—“thank you for volunteering to sit for an interview with a student from Journalism 101; I am calling to set up a time to meet for a brief get-to-know-you session.” Again—albeit a little more gruffly this time—he’d responded that he had no idea what the hell the kid was talking about, and hung up.

            He should have known, from the way Karen watched the exchange with such interest—her eyes alight with something akin to mischief (which Frank mistook for her standard curiosity). He should have known when she tilted her head, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth, and asked, with all the innocence in the world, what the phone call was about. He should have known. But he didn’t, because he was too busy thinking about how damn nice it felt when she looked at him that way—with that intense and penetrating attention.

            No—it didn’t dawn on him until the fifteenth phone call, when he stopped himself from hanging up the second he heard the beginning of the pitch (it was obvious all these callers were reading from the same script). Instead, he’d finally just come out and asked “what the fuck are you going on about?”

            As soon as the freshman on the other end of the line—Randy, apparently—had explained that Frank’s name and number were listed on a spreadsheet of volunteers to be interviewed for a project by beginning journalism students, Frank knew exactly how it had ended up there.

Karen.

He would have laughed out loud, but didn’t want to give Randy the impression that he found any part of their conversation entertaining.

Randy had also explained that the volunteer spreadsheet had been sent out to all of the participating students. And after the second time Frank had hung up on a kid, the students had made it into a little challenge, seeing who could call and actually get him to sit for an interview. They even had a sizable pool going to see how many seconds they could keep him on the line before he hung up. So far, Randy told him, their conversation had everyone else beat by miles.

Frank had sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance at what he was about to do. Cutting off a jittery-sounding Randy, who had been rambling about supporting growing students in their quest for knowledge, Frank agreed to the interview. In some strange way, it was his idea of being noble; of being a good sport. His prank had wasted two hours of Karen’s life, so he’d let hers waste two hours of his.

It had been painful, sitting in an overcrowded coffee shop and leaning forward into the mic to answer stupid, personal questions about his life that nobody wanted to know the answers to. Standard things, like “where were you born?”, “did you always have an interest in physics?”, and “does your family understand what it is you do?” But also some really fucking invasive questions, like “do you regret choosing a job that takes so much time away from being with your family?” and “do you ever worry that you’re wasting all of your potential to do real good in the world by locking yourself up in the Ivory Tower of academia?” The questions like those, which Frank assumed the kid had intended to be clever and incisive, he’d skirted around with vague and unsatisfying answers. He’d downed four cups of coffee just to get through the whole ordeal (which he wouldn’t tell Karen, as he was always riding her about cutting down on her caffeine intake).

Afterwards, he’d written the whole thing off as a shitty, awkward experience the he would never have to think about again, and made a mental note to congratulate Karen on her clever little prank. But early the next morning, he’d received another call from Randy, who was so excited he could barely get a complete word out. The interview, apparently, had gone so well (Frank scoffed at that), that his professor had convinced the school newspaper to print a condensed version in their next edition. Randy just needed Frank’s permission to write it up.

The school newspaper. Frank had felt the familiar shiver of divine inspiration crawl up his spine at Randy’s pronouncement. Karen read every copy of the school paper religiously—because of course she did. Which meant that she would read every word he said…

Frank grinned. “You know, Randy? I think publishing the piece is a great idea. I was just wondering, could I add some last minute comments…?”

Which was how he found himself a week later, a copy of the latest school newspaper folded neatly on his desk, waiting eagerly for Karen to breeze through the doorway.

He barely twitched when she threw the door open with gusto, stomping into the office, annoyance smeared across her face.

“Ugh, I’m going to kill that man, Frank, I swear I am,” she spared a glance in Frank’s direction as she shrugged out of her coat. He noticed, with some amount of pride, that she actually took the time to hang it up on the coat rack (he’d been bothering her enough about using it). As she unwound her scarf from her neck, he took a minute to study her—cheeks reddened (and not in that wonderful, blushing way they looked whenever he caught her staring at him just a hair too long), mouth screwed up in a grimace, hands trembling slightly in what he assumed to be rage. She was glorious.

“Who are we murdering today, Kare?” Frank leaned back in his chair, templing his fingers under his chin as Karen pulled off her gloves with more violence than necessary. (These she threw on the ground under her desk—he’d have to work with her on that later).

“There’s no we, Frank,” Karen dropped her briefcase with a resounding thud. “This is personal. I’m not sharing this kill with anybody.”

“I see. So who are you murdering today, all by yourself, with no help whatsoever?” Frank amended the question with a quirk of the lips.

Karen shot him an irritated look, rolling her eyes.

“Who do you think?” She sunk into her chair with a groan, scrubbing her hands over her face. “Danny Fucking Rand, that’s who.”

“Ha,” Frank snorted a bitter sound, “It’s only 8 in the morning. How could he have done something worthy of the death sentence already?”

“Oh, I’ll tell you what he’s done,” Karen shifted forward, planting both her hands on the desk in front of her, face ablaze. “Apparently it’s not enough that he’s poached my research project out from under me, but now he’s actually trying to steal my fucking graduate students too!” She balled her hands into fists, pressing them into the dark-finished wood beneath them. “Trish emailed me this morning that he’d approached her about joining his research team. He’s willing to offer her a $5,500 stipend per semester for her help.”

Frank jerked in surprise. He knew Trish—had been introduced to her a few times. She was a former radio show host who’d recently returned to school to pursue her PhD. in journalism. Karen had taken her under her wing almost immediately, acting as her academic adviser.

“Trish said no, right?” Frank didn’t know Trish all that well, but he knew Karen. And she tended to inspire all kinds of loyalty in people.

“Well of course she said no,” Karen released a large breath of air, making a conscious effort to de-tense her shoulders. “But he shouldn’t have even asked her in the first place. He’s just doing it to get a fucking rise out of me.”

“Well, I hate to point it out,” Frank tilted his head conciliatorily, “but it seems like he’s succeeded.”

“Ugh,” Karen let her head fall to the desk with a gentle whack. “I know,” she grumbled, and Frank had to strain to hear her speaking with her face pressed against wood. “That’s the worst part, Frank. I keep playing right into his hand. Always will—because I’m an emotional creature. An easily-riled-up, reactive, emotional creature.” She shook her head, and her forehead made a little squeaky noise as it dragged across the polished wood of the desk.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn’t have you any other way,” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop to think. And he would have felt embarrassed—would have tried to take them back or amend them—but the soft, warm little smile on Karen’s face when she lifted her head in response was pretty damn great. So maybe it had been the right thing to say.

“You know, Frank,” she was looking at him with something gentle behind her eyes, “that actually does make me feel better.”

“Yeah, well,” Frank cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and reaching for the nearest paper to busy himself, “if you weren’t so easy to rile up, I wouldn’t be able to get my kicks picking on you either.”

“Yeah, yeah, Frank,” Karen waved a dismissive hand in his direction. “Try to cover it up all you want, but that was very sweet.” She bit her lip, watching him try to distract her from the way the tips of his ears reddened ever-so-slightly by looking down and futzing with the papers in front of him.

She took the moment to admire him while he was preoccupied—allowing her eyes to drift over the hunter green sweater that fit so snugly around his broad shoulders, darting down to appreciate the way his rolled-up sleeves left his forearms bare.  He was wearing a pair of glasses at the moment—a rare sight, as he only wore them when he couldn’t be bothered with his contacts in the morning—and they only worked to accentuate the handsome lines of his face. She notice that he’d shaved his stubble the night before, leaving his sharp, square jaw clean and smooth. She wondered, not for the first time, what it would feel like to ghost her fingers over the edge of that jaw—tilt his head up to kiss those lips.

Karen shook her head, clearing the thought from her mind. She’d long ago come to terms with the fact that she had a crush on Frank, but that didn’t mean she would let it distract her at work. She was a professional, god dammit, and not even a man as stupidly attractive as Frank Castle could make her lose her focus.

Crush—it was such a girlish term; made Karen think of hearts doodled all over notebooks and love notes shoved into lockers. But what else was she supposed to call it when she couldn’t stop thinking about him? When she couldn’t stop daydreaming about his wry little smiles, or his laughter (both the booming kind that came out when taken by surprise, and the dark, deep little chuckles that slipped when he found something funny he definitely shouldn’t)? Or when she kept drifting off, imagining what it would be like to feel his body pressed against her own, hard and warm and comforting?

Yep, Karen pursed her lips grimly, that’s a crush alright.

She was right about to turn away to boot up her computer when she noticed the newspaper folded on the corner of Frank’s desk. She frowned. Frank didn’t read the newspaper, and certainly not—she craned forward to read the headline—the school newspaper.

“Uh, Frank…” she trailed off, waiting for him to pop his head up to look at her. She gestured toward the paper with a nod of her head. “I didn’t know you read the school newspaper?”

Oh shit, Frank’s eyes darted toward the edition on his desk. He’d completely forgotten about it. His plan had been to watch her read it in front of him, so that he could savor her reaction to his interview. But after the morning Karen had had, he’d changed his mind. He didn’t want to add on to the ever-increasing pile of things that were ticking her off. No—he’d save it for another time.

“That’s—uh—well I picked it up for—” Frank grabbed the paper to shove it into his desk drawer, but Karen was already up from her chair and walking toward him.

“Did you pick up a copy for me?” She asked, sounding touched. It was the only explanation she could think of—she’d tried to get Frank to read articles written by her students numerous times, but he always complained that university publications were painful to read. So if it wasn’t for him, and he knew she liked to read every copy the day it came out, then it must have been for her. “That’s so nice. I completely forgot the new edition came out today—I was so distracted by the Danny thing.” She reached out to grab the paper from his hands. Reluctantly, Frank let her have it.

She perched herself on the edge of his desk and shook the paper open (Frank’s eyes, completely of their own volition, flitted to the way her skirt rose on her thigh as she sat).

“Oh,” Karen made a surprised little noise, “it says there’s an interview with Dr. Frank Castle on page 5!” She looked over her shoulder at him incredulously, and he groaned inwardly, dropping his chin into the palm of his hand. “You didn’t tell me you were going to be in the newspaper!”

“Yeah, well,” Frank shrugged, a little helplessly. There was no point in fighting it now—she was going to read the interview.

“I can’t believe you! Keeping something like this from me,” she muttered to herself, turning the pages quickly to find his piece. She cleared her throat, making a big show of wiggling on his desk, hunkering down and getting comfortable to read. “The only reason I’m not reading this out loud is because I’m afraid you’d get up and walk out the door if I did.”

“Damn right I would,” Frank mumbled, and contemplated doing so even now.

He watched her face carefully as she read, tracking the movement of her eyes back and forth across the paper. It was quiet for a good minute, Karen’s breathing filling up the space as she read with a little smile on her face.

He could tell the exact moment she got to the part he was anticipating, because her smile began to slowly slip into a frown, edges turning down by degrees. Her eyes narrowed into half slits, her nostrils flaring.

“Frank Fucking Castle,” she muttered darkly under her breath, though Frank (thankfully) sensed a current of amusement buried deep in the timbre of her voice. “You prick.”

There are, however, some drawbacks to working at the university level, Castle confided over the phone.

“You’d think that university professors would make for mature, professional colleagues, wouldn’t you? But sometimes that’s not the case. Not even close.” When asked to expand, Castle chuckled, “Some of the people I work with most closely are as childish as my undergraduates—messy, dramatic, juvenile. Prone to playing ridiculous pranks on one another. Always starting little rivalries. It can be a major headache.”

Castle refused to name the colleagues in question, but left us with the following comment: “They know who they are.”

Karen re-read the paragraph again, just to be sure her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her. When the words were still there—clear as day—she growled. Closing the paper with particular violence, she whipped around and smacked Frank on the head with it.

He barely had time to throw up his arms in defense before she was whacking him again.

“’Messy, dramatic, and juvenile?’” She screeched, but the effect was severely undercut by the laughter in her voice. “I’ll show you ‘messy, dramatic, and juvenile’!” She whacked him again.

“I think you already are, sweetheart,” Frank chuckled, dodging her blows.

“Ooh,” she shook her head, eye twitching. Hopping off the desk, she eased up, shaking her rolled-up paper at him in a manner reminiscent of an old man yelling at kids to get off of his lawn, “I’ll get you back for this.”

Frank couldn’t help it—she looked like a caricature with a hand on her hip, newspaper/weapon in one hand, foot tapping on the floor—he burst out laughing.

“Frank!” Karen threw her hands up in exasperation, “Don’t fucking laugh while I’m trying to threaten you, you big oaf!”

“Can’t help it,” Frank covered up his mouth with a hand in an attempt to stem off the laughter. It didn’t work.

Karen opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the loud beeping of her cellphone. It was the alarm she set to remind herself that she needed to leave STAT if she wanted to make it to class on time.

“Time to go to class, Karen,” Frank got out through his bout of laughter, looking far too delighted for Karen’s liking.

She stood rooted in her spot for a moment, looking back and forth between the phone on her desk and Frank (who was studiously looking away). Clicking her tongue in annoyance, she turned her back to Frank to turn off the alarm and grab her briefcase. No matter how much she wanted to keep laying into him, she couldn’t be late to class.

Whipping around with her bag over her shoulder, she pointed the newspaper at Frank once again.

“This isn’t over, Castle. But I’ve got to be a responsible, mature adult and teach a fucking class.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder imperiously and stomped out of the office. Frank waited until he could no longer hear her heels clicking down the hallway before dissolve back into laughter.

Karen glanced down at her watch as she pulled open the door to the coffee shop. She had exactly 30 minutes between classes to refuel, which wasn’t a whole lot of time, but luckily the line didn’t look too long. She was in desperate need of caffeine—she’d been so upset about the Danny-Trish thing that morning, she had forgotten to stop in at the usual place by her apartment for coffee. And at 3:30 in the afternoon, she was flagging something awful. If she wanted to make it through her next lecture without passing out, she’d need something strong.

As she grabbed her large, black coffee from the barista, she noticed Matt sitting by the window nursing his own cup. His hands were roving back and forth on the table in front of him—reading. It was odd to see Matt back on campus—sitting in the usual coffee shop, drinking his usual drink—after he’d been gone for so long. A little disorienting. Shoving her change into her purse, Karen made her way over.

“Hey, stranger, mind if I sit?” The question was perfunctory, as she was already sitting by the time he responded.

“Karen! Of course,” he moved to shove some of his notes out of the way to make room for her.

“So,” Karen grabbed a handful of sugar packets, ripping them open one-by-one, “haven’t seen you in a while.” Karen was again struck by the strangeness of it all. Before Matt had left, she and Foggy had spent all of their free time with him. Barely a day went by that they hadn’t seen each other—met up for lunch of drinks at Josie’s. And all of the sudden, she was in the position where she hadn’t seen Matt in over a week.

“Yeah, I—” Matt made a vague gesture with his hands. “Uh, been busy. Trying to get all the notes from my sabbatical into some kind of order. Figure out what I’m doing and all that.”

“Ah,” Karen bobbed her head, “thought you might be avoiding me, Murdock.” She intended it as a joke, but from the way Matt’s head jerked forward, she could tell that he hadn’t taken it that way.

“No way, Kare, I’ve really just been—”

“I know, I know,” Karen cut him off, placing a hand on his arm, “Kidding, Matt. I know you’re busy.”

Matt nodded joltingly, and Karen thought about how things had never been this awkward before the whole Elektra-sabbatical incident. Apparently, without Foggy there to act as a buffer, things were a little more than slightly weird between her and Matt.

There was a beat of silence, in which Karen took a loud sip of her coffee. Matt winced slightly.

“Uh, actually, Karen. I was wondering if we could talk about something,” Matt was suddenly wearing his serious face.

“Uh-oh,” Karen’s voice grew wary, “that doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s about Frank Castle,” Matt folded his hands on the table, like he was getting ready to deliver a lecture. The gesture did not bode well for the direction of the conversation.

“Frank?” Karen was confused, “What about Frank?”

“Look, I’ve been asking around about him, and I don’t know if he’s someone you really want to be getting close to, Kare,” Matt shifted in his seat. “He’s got a reputation for being a bit of an asshole. For being rude and unfriendly; to students and colleagues both. Associating yourself with him won’t do you any favors. Plus, didn’t you hear what he said the other night about how much he gets around? Clearly, the man’s a prick.”

There was a tense beat of silence, in which Karen tried to wrap her mind around what Matt had just said. He sat there expectantly, a mild expression on his face, like he hadn’t just spewed the most ridiculous bullshit Karen had ever heard.

“What the fuck, Matt?” Karen hissed lowly, leaning forward. She had to take several steadying breaths to calm herself. Matt could be painfully sanctimonious—she’d always known this about him. And she’d heard him pass judgment on others of her acquaintances in a similar manner before, but there was something about Frank that was just off-limits for Karen. Something that made her hackles rise.

“There are—” Karen’s voice was shaking slightly, and she paused a moment before trying again. “There are so many problems with what you just said, I’m not even sure where to start with you.”

Matt had the gall to look surprised.

“First of all, don’t speak about Frank to me. Don’t ever speak about Frank to me. You don’t know him. And if you don’t know him, then you don’t have the right to speak about him, understand?” Karen didn’t pause for an affirmation. “Secondly, you were the one that said he got around the other night, not him. Frank would never speak about women that way. Which, again, you would know if you actually knew Frank.”

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but Karen cut him off.

“Not done, Matt.” She shook her head. “Thirdly, who do you think you are, telling me who I do and don’t want to associate with, Matthew Murdock? What gives you the right?”

There was a strained pause.

“Now I’m done,” Karen tapped a finger against the Formica table top.

“Karen,” Matt reached forward, looking to grab one of her hands, but she removed them from the table quickly. “I’m just trying to look out for you. I come back from Tibet and hear that you are spending all of your time with some strange man—of course I’m going to look into him.”

“What do you mean of course?” Karen’s anger was beginning to give way to frustration. “Matt, you’re not my father. And you’re not my boyfriend. I don’t need you ‘looking out for me’ or doing background checks on everyone I choose to spend my time with. I’m a grown woman.”

“I know that, Karen,” Matt was aiming for conciliatory, but instead he just sounded patronizing. “But I can’t help it. I care about you.”

“Oh,” Karen scoffed. “You care about me? Just like you cared about me enough to run off with your ex-girlfriend at the first opportunity? Is that how much you care about me, Matty?”

“Is that what you’re really upset about? The Elektra thing?” Matt tilted his head, “Because I can explain if you would let me.”

“No, Matt. I’m not upset about the Elektra thing.” And she really wasn’t. “I couldn’t care less if you ran off with a bevy of women. What upsets me is that you don’t see how hypocritical you’re being right now. You can’t be the kind of guy who cares so much about me that he feels compelled to check up on everyone I spend my time with, and also be the guy who disappears for months with another woman and doesn’t even check-in with a ‘hey, how are you?’”

Matt sighed, shaking his head.

“How did this conversation get so far off the rails?” He muttered darkly.

“I don’t know, Matt, you tell me,” Karen crossed her arms, feeling defensive.

“Kare, I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before,” Matt ran a hand through his hair. “I just wanted it to be you, Foggy, and me. Just like old times. And I come back, and this—this Frank is now your entire social calendar?”

“So you decided to disparage him to me out of jealousy? In the hopes that I would—what? That I would terminate my friendship with him because you think he might be a bad guy? Because you want us to all go back to pretending you didn’t leave for months? Act like you didn’t wait until you’d been in Tibet for 3 months before even dropping Foggy and me a line letting us know where you were?” Karen’s head was starting to hurt.

“I don’t know, Karen. I don’t know what I wanted,” Matt sighed. “Not this.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want this either.” Karen glanced at her watch. “And we’re out of time.”

Matt didn’t even try to stop her as she gathered all of her things. He just sat there, hands in his lap, feeling foolish.

“Bye, Matt,” she tossed over her shoulder as she walked away.

 Later that evening, as Frank sat in the office answering an endless stream of emails, he smiled when he saw a text from Karen come through.

Just because I’ve been teaching class all day doesn’t mean I didn’t carve out some time to plot my revenge, Castle.

He’d snorted and typed back a response.

Well your last attempt at revenge ended up working out for me quite well, so do your worst.

Scrubbing a hand over his face and adjusting the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, Frank stared across the dimly-lit office to Karen’s empty desk. It was strange to think how, a little over two months ago, sitting in the office alone had been the norm for Frank. He had actually enjoyed it—the respite from the masses of students complaining about how he didn’t curve the test, and from the incessant pressure from the dean to publish more, and faster. His office had been his sanctuary—where he could think, uninterrupted. Alone.

But now, he just felt lonely. Without Karen clacking away at her keyboard, humming music under her breath (she’d been on a ridiculous R. Kelly streak lately), or pulling him into long and winding conversations, the space felt empty. Like it was waiting for something—suspended in time, waiting for Karen to return. And Frank felt like he was, too.

It was strange, the extent to which Karen had burrowed herself into his life. Or maybe not so strange. Frank did the math in his head quickly: they’d been working together for two and a half months, so about 50 days (not including weekends, and they spent an average of 5 hours in the office together per day (early mornings and late nights included). So, over the course of their friendship, they’d spent about 250 hours together, in a confined space, talking.

That was a lot of time. More than Frank would have guessed.

But time always tended to fly by when he was with Karen. She had a way about her that set him at ease; there was never an awkward moment of silence when she was around.

After all their time together, Frank could certainly see what it was that made Karen such a fantastic reporter. She was honest and genuine—interested in everything. Her curiosity was boundless; she could listen to him go on, ad infinitum, about his research, and though she didn’t understand everything he was saying, she made an attempt. If someone else was excited about their work, well then Karen could get excited about their excitement.

And she was so incredibly non-judgmental. He’d heard her tell her students, multiple times, “the things I don’t know, and don’t understand, far outweigh the things I do.” How—Karen always seemed to be asking—could she pass judgement on someone else when she, herself, was just a blind creature grappling for answers? He’d seen her practice empathy in the most incredible ways. Once, when a class she taught was studying the coverage of one of the most famous murder trials of the century—a war vet convicted of over 30 homicides—she’d convinced them to stow away their initial biases and see him as a human being. Students had been in the office for days discussing that trial, with Karen gently reminding them, every so often, that they should always seek to understand before reaching for fear and hate.

But above all, Karen was vulnerable. She was open and generous with her own life. She shared of herself so freely—laughed with abandon, cried without shame, felt everything down to her core. It was beautiful. It was inspiring. It made Frank feel less like vulnerability were something to be ashamed of, and instead something borne out of the kind of strength he could never fathom.

Karen was a million flawed, beautiful, precious things. And how could you not want to get close to that? How could you not want to huddle closer, sharing in that kind of light?

So when Karen asked him a question—when she reached out toward him—he was always powerless to deny her. Which is how she’d turned the notoriously-laconic Frank Castle into the kind of guy who felt lonely sitting in his office without her.

He glanced at the clock—6 PM. Normally by this time Karen would have made it back to the office for a few extra hours of work before heading home. They would have done the usual—banter back and forth about nothing in particular, or else complain about deadlines and grading, or maybe share something ridiculous or strange one of their students had said in class—then they would have said goodnight. But the sun was slowly sinking and she was nowhere to be seen.

            Frank stretched, shuffling through the papers on his desk listlessly. He was contemplating calling it a night when his phone started to ring. It was Karen’s ringtone—“You Don’t Own Me” by Lesley Gore (the perfect song for a woman like Karen).

            “Page,” he said, by way of greeting.

            “Uh, hey Frank,” there was something tight in Karen’s voice as she spoke. Something that sounded an awful lot like pain. Frank sat up straighter in his seat, on alert. “You still at the office?”

            “Yeah—yes. Karen, are you okay? You sound kind of—”

            “Actually,” Karen cut him off. He heard some kind of movement, followed by choking noise. Then a “fuck” muttered quietly under her breath. “I was walking back from class and I think I sprained my ankle. Stupid fucking heels on the stupid fucking cobblestones. Why the fuck do we still have cobblestones?”

            “Karen, where are you? Can you walk?” Frank was out of his seat already, shrugging on his coat and reaching for his keys.

            “I’m on the corner between the deli and the co-op. I can kind of hobble, but there’s no way I can make it home on this foot.” She made a soft grunt of pain, and Frank was out the door.

            “Okay. Stay where you are. I’m coming in the car.”

            She was leaning against the wall of the deli, a black shoe with the heel dangling off in one hand, when Frank pulled up to the curb.

            She sighed in relief as he hopped out the car and jogged over to her.

            “Shit, Karen. That doesn’t look good.” As he got closer, Frank could already see the swelling begin to turn slightly purple.

            “And I had a gig ankle modelling tonight. Just my luck,” Karen said through gritted teeth as Frank sunk to his knees at her feet and took the foot in hand.

            She tried to cover up her sharp intake of breath as his fingers gently probed at her ankle. Staring down at his head, she concentrated on the way his hair was growing long enough that you could just see it begin to curl, and ignored the throbbing of her ankle.

            “Hmmm,” Frank pronounced after a moment, standing up, “Looks like it’s not fractured or broken. Just a bad sprain.”

“Jesus. Haven’t sprained an ankle since the summer my mom enrolled me in overnight cheer camp and I got kicked out for sneaking in candy.” Karen tucked her broken shoe into her bag, pushing herself off of the wall.

“You’ll have to tell me that story later.” Frank caught Karen as she listed forward, reaching out to slip one arm under her shoulder, pulling her close to the side of his body. “But for now let’s get you in the car, huh?”

            “Thanks, Frank,” Karen panted out, hobbling forward. Despite the circumstances, Karen couldn’t help but appreciate the situation. She’d never really touched Frank like this before, with so much of her body. Leaning against him, she let the heat of him sink into her side—let herself melt ever-so-slightly into the hard planes of his chest. His hand, which had steadied itself on her hip, gripped her tightly, and she knew she’d be feeling the burning impression of his palm on her skin for days.

            “Here we go,” Frank shifted, helping her climb into the car before jogging back around to his side. Karen buckled herself in, taking a steadying breath before Frank reappeared.

            “Home?” Frank asked, and Karen nodded. Fortunately, Frank had picked her up for various work functions at her apartment before, so he didn’t require directions. She only lived about a ten minute walk from campus.

            As he pulled away from the curb, he shot a sidelong glance at Karen. Her face, flashing in and out of the beams of streetlights as they passed underneath, was contorted.

            “You know, this is exactly why I don’t wear heels to work anymore,” Frank quipped. Karen barked out a surprised laugh, which sounded quite a bit more like a snort.

            “Ooh,” she grabbed the handle on the side of the car in a tight grip, “Don’t make me laugh when I’m in pain, Castle.”

            “Sorry,” Frank said, but he didn’t sound it.

            “Just so you know, this act of kindness doesn’t make up for the whole interview debacle,” Karen shot Frank a dark look as she shifted in her seat.

            “Obviously,” Frank conceded with a nod of his head. “I’d need to save you from a burning building to make up for that.”

            “Two burning buildings,” Karen shot back.

            “You know, nobody who reads that paper is going to know I was talking about you,” Frank pointed out, taking an extra-cautious right turn so as not to jostle Karen’s ankle.

            “But I’ll know, Frank. And I have my pride.”

            “More than your fair share of it, I’d say.”

            “Hey, buck-o. You’re on real thin ice,” Karen jabbed Frank’s arm, which was resting on the gearshift between them. “I’ve got the absolutely perfect amount of pride.”

            “It’s just like someone with too much pride to think they have the prefect amount of pride,” Frank shook his head sadly.

            Karen almost replied with something snotty, but realized that Frank kind of had a point.

            “Whatever,” she grumbled, and Frank shot her a confused look.

            “You must really be in pain if you don’t have a snarky comeback for that,” he sounded more than a touch concerned.

            “Give me a minute, and I’ll come up with something,” Karen said through a grimace.

            “Okay.”

            The car grew quiet, and Karen focused on breathing through the aching pain. She was by no means a whimp when it came to pain, but she’d already been on her feet all day—in heels no less—so the sprain was just the cherry on top of that. Plus, the whole confrontation with Matt was still weighing on her. And though that fell more in the category of psychological pain than physical pain, Karen still figured that pain was pain. A few more beats of silenced passed, then Frank spoke up.

            “It’s been a minute, Kare.”

            Karen made an annoyed little grunt, then opened her mouth to speak, but Frank was already rolling to a stop in front of her building. Shifting the car into park, he turned to her.

            “Wait here.”

            Karen had unbuckled her seatbelt and swung her briefcase over her shoulder by the time Frank made it around to her side.

            “You know, you don’t have to walk me all the way up,” Karen said, as Frank helped her down from the car. “The staircase has a perfectly-functioning railing for me to hold onto. I can make it myself.”

            Frank shot her a disbelieving look.

            “Don’t be ridiculous,” was all he said, wrapping his arm around her.

            Together, they hobbled up the stairs of the complex, and Frank waited patiently while Karen punched in the code to the outer door.

            As they made their way to the elevator, it became increasingly obvious to Karen that Frank didn’t plan on leaving until she was perfectly settled in her apartment. In a slight panic, she began to scan her memory—trying to recall what kind of state her apartment was in. She couldn’t for the life of her remember how recently she’d tidied up, and if the clean laundry she’d taken out of the dryer last night was still on the couch in the living room.

            Too late to do anything about it now, she thought, as they approached her door. Frank stood patiently as Karen fumbled to find her keys.

            It was with great relief, as Karen threw open the door, that she took in a relatively clean apartment.

            Frank, who had never actually been up to Karen’s place before, took it all in with great curiosity. As he walked Karen over to the couch, he noticed that—surprisingly—he place was quite tidy. From the way she treated their office, he was expecting piles of dirty dishes and papers scattered everywhere. But the place looked put-together—cared for. The clutter that did fill up the apartment was all rather cozy—books stacked on the coffee table, a basket of yarn and knitting needles next to the couch, eclectic throw pillows piled up everywhere, an afghan draped over a chair at the breakfast table.

            The place was warm. Inviting.

            Depositing Karen on the couch, Frank moved to collect some pillows to prop under her leg.

            “You really don’t have to do that, Frank. I can take it from here,” Karen tried to wave him away as he approached with the afghan tossed over his shoulder.

            “Nope,” was all Frank had to say in response, as he gently covered her with the blanket. “Got any tea?” He asked over his shoulder, as he wandered into her kitchen.

            Karen sighed. There was clearly no room for argument here, so she gave in.

            “Yeah. In the cabinet above the sink,” she sighed. “I like the green tea.”

            Frank nodded, filling up the electric kettle before reaching for the tea packets. Karen watched with interest as he moved around the kitchen gathering mugs and sugar packets. He looked so domestic—suddenly, Karen could picture him as the husband he once was. Making tea for his wife after a long day at work. The thought grew warm in the pit of her stomach.

            “Karen?” Frank’s stern voice broke through her thoughts, and she looked up to see him leaning down with his head in the fridge.

            “Hmm?” Karen hummed in response.

            “Why do you only have—” he paused, sticking his head further into the fridge. “A jar of pickles, some yogurt, and a case of beer in here?” His head popped up over the door to shoot her a bemused look.

            “Why are you snooping around in my fridge?” Karen crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.

            “Because I want to make sure you won’t starve tonight while you’re recovering on the couch,” Frank began opening and closing a series of drawers in her kitchen, clearly searching for something in particular. Karen watched his face light up in triumph when he found where she stored her takeout menus. “I’m going to order pizza. What do you want?”

            Karen would have made a comment about how he was being particularly pushy this evening, but she was feeling quite hungry herself—and thankful for the company. She was never a good patient, and secretly adored the attention when she was hurt. Sliding down further on the couch, she yawned.

            “Get the supreme. With everything on it.”

            “Girl after my own heart,” Frank smiled at her as he dialed the number. While he ordered, he snooped around until he found Ziploc bags, then began filling one with ice from the freezer.

            He approached with the make-shift ice-pack wrapped in towel, hanging up the phone as he handed it to her. She gingerly placed it on her swollen ankle, hissing at the contact. Frank frowned, sitting down at the far end of the couch, careful to avoid her foot.

            “Pizza will be here in about half an hour,” he peered down at her ankle, inspecting the increased swelling.

            “Does that mean you’re staying for dinner, then?” Karen reached for the end table behind her, grabbing a bottle of pain meds she kept on hand for her migraines.

            “If that’s alright with you,” Frank shrugged.

            “Don’t you have other things to do? I don’t want to keep you from anything,” Karen said, before dry swallowing a couple of pills.

            “Nope,” Frank shook his head. “Kids are with Maria tonight, and my weekly cult meeting isn’t until tomorrow. Why, want me out of your hair?” He suddenly felt a little self-conscious—a little presumptuous—sitting there on Karen’s couch like he owned the place. He was so used to their dynamic at the office, comfortable and easy, that he didn’t stop to think it might be different with him in her home. In her territory. For a quick moment, he became strangely aware of his own body—how it moved throughout her space, bulky and graceless.

            Seeing the look of uncertainty flit across Frank’s face, Karen was quick to speak.

            “No, no. Just didn’t want to inconvenience you will my clumsiness.” She gestured at her injured foot.

            Frank shot her an unreadable look, frowning.

            “You’re not an inconvenience.”

            The electric kettle dinged, and Frank popped up to finishing making the tea.

            On the couch, Karen was the one who was beginning to grow a tad self-conscious. She and Frank had spent an abundant amount of time together, it was true—but never like this. Never in so intimate a setting. There was something so different about having Frank wander around her kitchen, among all of her things. Something that made her brain go a little fuzzy as she watched him stirring sugar into her mug (one packet, just like she liked it)—made her insides clench in interesting and confusing ways.

            He padded back to the couch to hand her the mug, and she noticed that he’d shed his shoes at some point. There was something endearing in the fact that he wore argyle socks.

            Frank noticed the direction of her gaze, and wiggled his toes

            Karen chuckled, taking the mug with a ‘thank you.’ Blowing the steam from her tea, she noted Frank’s line of sight drift to the wall next to the bookcase, where all of her most impressive articles hung side-by-side in matching frames.

            “Wow,” Frank whispered, as he walked closer to inspect. There was the article she’d written about child soldiers in Yemen, the one about illegal gender-assignment surgery and the rights of Intersex children, and even the piece she’d published about the man in South Korea who’d fathered over a hundred children through anonymous sperm donation. “These all yours?” Frank asked, even though he could clearly see her name written in the byline.

            “Yep,” Karen popped her ‘p,’ studying the broad expanse of Frank’s back as he leaned closer to skim through one of the articles.

            “These are amazing.” His voice was soft.

            “They were all gifts from my brother, Kevin,” Karen sunk further into the couch, feeling the pain meds starting to take effect and dull the throbbing of her ankle. “Every year, he used to send me one on my birthday. Said the greatest gift he could give me was reminding me of my own accomplishments.”

            Frank hummed. “So he’s the one responsible for your inflated sense of pride?”

            Karen snorted a laugh. “Was,” she corrected, “He passed away last year. But I think he’d be happy to take the blame.”

            “I’m sorry,” Frank shot Karen a concerned look, brow furrowed. “About your brother.”

            “’S alright,” Karen shrugged. “You didn’t know. And he had been sick for a while—cystic fibrosis. We had been prepared for a long time when it happened.”

            “Doesn’t make it any easier, does it?” Frank turned back to the articles,

            “No, it doesn’t.” Karen shook her head.

            There was a beat of silence, and Karen took a sip of her tea, wincing at the loud slurping noise it caused. Frank glanced over his shoulder, eyebrow raised.

            “Why’d you quit?” He asked, gesturing at her wall of accomplishments. She’d never really mentioned her change in career, and he never asked. But it seemed like the appropriate time. “This stuff is remarkable—what you got to see, the places you got to go.”

            Karen threw her arm over the back of the couch, cupping her jaw in her hand and scanning her own articles.

            “Well…I guess I didn’t want it to change me, y’know? Didn’t want the job making me someone I wasn’t. And I could kind of see that it was,” she looked thoughtful.

Frank stared at her in silence, waiting for her to expound.

Karen pulled her mug to her chest, letting the heat of it warm her through her shirt.

“I mean, I became a journalist because I wanted to humanize. I wanted to connect. To talk to people who were so vitally different from myself; to understand ways of life fundamentally unlike my own. To just…I don’t know. Write articles that made people understand that everywhere—through everything—there’s this common thread of humanity that unites us all.” Karen took a sip of her tea, her face drawn in thought.

            “And it wasn’t what you hoped it would be?” Frank prompted.

            “No—yes—I mean, in some ways,” Karen shook her head. “At the beginning, it was everything. The travelling, the learning, meeting people living lives I could never image. You know, just getting to touch the whole worlds that exist inside other people. Soaking in the culture,” Karen smiled wistfully. “I saw some…amazing things,” her voice took on a breathy, dreamy quality. “I saw a Chinese mother reunited with her son, 30 years after he’d been adopted and taken to the US. And that moment of joy when they first embraced each other—that moment of reconnection—of love made tangible. A broken chain being remade. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. As long as I live, Frank.”

            Frank moved away from the wall of frames, sitting back down at the end of the couch. Gingerly, he lifted Karen’s ankle and placed it into his lap on top of a throw pillow.

            “But I also saw some—some truly horrible things.” She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking about the article she’d written on female genital mutilation. “I know that it’s important that atrocities have witnesses. That someone has to be there to see the trauma and the horror. To understand it. To make it known. But it’s hard being a witness, you know? Being the one who can’t look away, because it’s your duty to watch.” Frank heard the catch in Karen’s voice. Her eyes looked so far away.

            “And the dark just go too much? Outweighed the light?” His voice was quiet. He threw his arm over the back of the couch, the tips of his fingers barely brushing the ends of Karen’s hair.

            “No—I don’t think that was it,” Karen shook her head. “In the beginning, the beautiful moments were stunning. Took my breath away. Made me feel so fucking human. And the horrible moments—they broke my goddamn heart. Tore me apart. But, in a way, that was good. I was feeling things—I was present,” Karen ran a hand through her hair. “After a few years, though, everything kind of started to numb a bit. Just became…less. The beautiful and the ugly—they just made me feel numb.”

            “It’s hard to see these stories as human when your job is to reduce them down to a thousand word article, to be consumed by an audience over breakfast. I think I started looking at people and seeing them as quotes and word limits and bylines. Gets to the point where you hear about the latest national tragedy on the news and you think ‘I better publish a think piece on this before someone else does.’”

            Karen shifted, moving to put her uninjured foot in Frank’s lap as well. He absent-mindedly began to rub his thumb up and down the arch.

            “You know, I once saw an old colleague of mine harass this poor woman outside of a court house, moments after her husband had been sentenced to life in prison.” Karen’s voice grew hard, and Frank saw the ripple of anger in her eyes. “Just kept badgering her and pushing her until he got the quote he wanted. This woman was sobbing on his jacket, but he was smiling because—fuck it—he got a great quote out of her.” Karen lifted a hand to her mouth, distractedly biting at her thumbnail.

            Frank was silent for a moment, as his thumb continued to stroke her foot. He tried to envision it in his mind—to imagine a Karen who was numb and callous to the world around her. Who could look at suffering and feel nothing. And he found that he couldn’t do it—the Karen he knew had a direct line to the beating heart of her humanity.

            “So you left because you didn’t like being numb?” Frank’s deep, rumbling voice drew Karen’s eyes up to his own. He was looking at her with a kind of tenderness that made her feel weak.

            “Uh,” she cleared her throat, “yeah. Yes.”

            “Was it hard? Leaving it all behind?”

            “No. I’ve never had a hard time making the decision that’s best for my mental health. You have to be kind to yourself above all—and this was the decision that was kind to Karen,” she smiled weakly. “The only difficult part was dealing with all the rumors. The gossip.”

            “Rumors?” Frank tiled his head.

            “Oh, you know,” Karen shrugged. “That I’d quit because I couldn’t handle the pressure, that I couldn’t cut in a male-dominated business, that I was too weak and emotional to be a good journalist.”

            “Bullshit.”

            Karen was a little surprised at how forceful Frank’s voice sounded, and her eyes shot to him with curiosity.

            “You’re the strongest person I know, Page. And the very fact that you were able to leave when you needed to leave proves it.” Frank’s stare was intense, and Karen felt the well of affection for him in her chest damn-near overflow. She bit her bottom lip to keep helpless tears from welling up in her eyes.

            “Thanks, Frank,” she whispered.

            He was about to open his mouth to speak, but the buzzer rang. Karen cleared her throat, and Frank moved to stand up.

            “Pizza guy,” he said, removing her feet from his lap. Standing up, Frank paused for a moment, his back to Karen. She watched his shoulders move as he took a deep breath.

            “You know, Karen,” he said, turning slightly to look at her over his shoulder, “I’m really glad you ended up here. However you got here—I’m glad you did.”

            Karen didn’t have a chance to respond before Frank was out the door.

            Frank ended up staying until around midnight, at which point Karen passed out on the couch, unable to fight her exhaustion any longer. They’d talked almost the entire night away, over pizza and tea (Karen would have offered the beer in the fridge, but knew that Frank wouldn’t drink as long as she couldn’t). The topics of conversation were considerably lighter than their before-dinner chat.

Frank told stories about his kids, Frankie Jr. and Lisa. How Frankie Jr. was learning to skateboard, which mostly seemed to involve wrapping himself up in various layers of padding and standing on the skateboard with his arms spread, looking like a terrified, baby deer learning to walk. Or about how Lisa was trying out for her school baseball team—they didn’t offer softball—and how she’d petitioned the school using Title IX for the right. Frank had been spending most weekends at the park with her, teaching her to throw. Karen noticed, with some interest, that he didn’t really talk about Maria, despite the fact that she knew there was no bad blood between the two of them. (Frank would later admit that David had told him never to talk about his ex-wife with a girl he liked).

            He talked about his friends, Curtis and David. Karen had laughed until her stomach hurt when he relayed the fact that David’s wife, Sarah, had actually been on a date at Coney Island with Frank, when he’d introduced her to David. She’d dumped Frank mid-date to go off somewhere with the other man. Frank had been upset, until he’d seen how incredibly besotted the two were.

            Frank did little things throughout the evening that set Karen’s heart to thundering wildly in her chest. He’d brushed a stray strand of hair off of her face at one point, tucking it behind her ear; he’d gently squeezed her calf when she’d told him about the way she and Kevin used to get their father to film homemade James Bond movies with them (in which Kevin was James Bond and Karen was Q—not Moneypenny); he’d even wiped a dab of pizza sauce off of her lip with his thumb.

            As Karen had watched Frank do an impression of his mother, complete with the high-pitched voice and all, a strange—though not entirely unwelcome—truth dawned on her.

            She didn’t just have a crush on Frank Castle. No. Nothing that simple.

            She was fucking in love with Frank Castle.

            If someone had asked Karen to describe exactly what had shifted in her relationship with Frank after the night of the sprained ankle, she wasn’t entirely sure she could pinpoint it. All she knew was that something had shifted.

            There was a new kind of comfort between the two of them. A cozy sort of warmth that seemed to grow whenever they were in the same room.

            (Trish, who had popped in one evening to get Karen’s advice on her dissertation proposal, described it to her buddy Jessica as a sense of gravity between them. The way that Karen could ask Frank to close the blinds with merely a tilt of her head; the way that she seemed to know that Frank was hungry before he even spoke—reaching into her desk drawer for a protein bar and tossing it his way. Like they were doing a choreographed dance. She’d sighed dreamily, ignoring Jessica’s rolled eyes, going on about romantic tension and undisclosed desires).

            Both Frank’s and Karen’s students had picked up on it, too. These days, it seemed that any time they saw Dr. Page walking (hobbling on crutches) around campus, Dr. Castle wasn’t far behind. Her senior seminar class, unbeknownst to her, almost had a collective meltdown the day that Karen walked into class one day wearing what was clearly one of Dr. Castle’s sweaters with the sleeves rolled up. (She’d spilled coffee down her white silk shirt, effectively making it see-through, and didn’t have time to go home and change before class. Frank, who always had an extra dress shirt in his desk drawer, had offered her his sweater).

            Karen, with her newfound knowledge that she Capital L loved Frank Castle, had decided to keep that little tidbit of information to herself. She wasn’t ready to let all those soft, confusing thoughts that lived inside of her, in the box marked “Frank Castle,” out into the real world just yet.

            So instead, she reminded him constantly of her plans to get back at him for his interview stunt. Because, apparently, like an elementary-aged boy, her idea of letting someone know you liked them involved low-key bullying.

            She’d dropped hints about having contacts in the psychology department who could get their hands on lab mice, but Frank had just grunted a laugh and replied, “You’d be more scared of the mice than I would, sweetheart.”

            She’d also been toying around with the idea of doing something to his car—maybe getting it towed or having some of her students help her fill it with packing peanuts. But it seemed sacrilegious to deface his car when it had saved her so much pain the other night when she’d sprained her ankle. The car didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.

            Limping back to the office from her final class of the day—two weeks after the incident, and Karen had just gone off her crutches—Karen had an epiphany. She knew exactly what she’d do to get Frank back—and it would bug the piss out of her hyper-organized office mate. It would take a lot of time, and a lot of man power, but she was sure she could get Foggy to help her out (she still wasn’t on speaking terms with Matt after their coffee house showdown, or she would have recruited him too).

            Walking into the Physics building, Karen contemplated the logistics of completely flipping their two sides of the room. They’d have to move the desks, the bookshelves…have the move all Frank’s degrees to her wall, and move her paintings to take their place. It would be a full evening’s work, so she’d have to wait until next Thursday, when Frank left the office early to pick Lisa up from baseball practice. Then they’d have all night to do the swap.

            A devious smile worked its way to Karen’s face as she hobbled down the hallway to their office. She was just about to open the door, when she heard some odd noises from inside. It sounded like yipping, as strange and out-of-place as it may have been. Like little puppies barking. For a moment, Karen wondered if Frank had brought a puppy to work. But no—he would have told her if he had.

            Pushing the door open, Karen saw Frank’s head shoot up, eyes wide, as he immediately clicked a button on his computer, making the noises stop.

            “Frank,” Karen asked, drawing out his name as she limped her way over to his desk. “What were you watching?”

            “I was—” Frank thought about lying, covering up the fact that he was watching a live puppy feed from the local pit bull shelter when he should have been working, but gave up on it. Karen was a journalist—she’d get it out of him eventually. With a sigh, he turned his screen around to Karen could see. “Just, puppies.” He said, shrugging.

            “Oh my God,” Karen whispered, watching the live feed as a pile of little pit bulls crawled all over each other. She looked from the computer screen to Frank—who was sporting a rather sheepish look—and felt her heart squeeze in her chest.

            Fuck the prank, she thought. I’ve got to find a way to tell this ridiculous man that I’m in love with him.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 231: hey wHAT THE FUCK

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “lol what if the guy who can clone himself but is too afraid gets over his fears and makes like 200,000 of him,” and then he chuckled and did it. Re-Destro was all, “(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ...hey, Skeptic.” Skeptic was all, “!!!” and quickly faded himself out of existence like that kid in that one meme. The Legion of Twices rolled across the city leaving chaos in their wake, and helping Compress out of a jam in the process. Meanwhile King Cone continued to harass Dabi, who’s apparently starting to cook himself from the inside out, which I think we can all agree is probably not good. Then, over in the Ol’ Villain Laboratory, Ujiko abruptly decided to throw the LoV a bone and wake up Machia, because I guess Horikoshi was all “so anyway we should do that climax now I guess.” So on to the climax we go?

Today on BnHA: Machia awakens and starts zooming toward where the action is. We then cut to Osaka, where Hawks is apparently waiting for Dabi to show up (he’s late, wonder why that is) because he has a delivery for him. No idea what said delivery is, none whatsoever. Oh hey there, flashback of Best Jeanist -- OH NO. FLASHBACK OF BEST JEANIST, HAWKS IS COMING. OH MY GOD HE HAS AIRPODS ON HE CAN’T HEAR US ffffff. Anyway so we’re just going to ignore all of that, and back in the present Twice catches up with Spinner and Tomura who are both happy to see him and very pleased with his recent character development. The group of them have almost made it to Re-Destro’s tower, although both Spinner and Twice appear to be concerned about Tomura’s current exhausted state. The chapter ends with Twice (well, one of the Twices) arriving in the tower to rescue Princess Giran from Re-Destro’s clutches, which, fuck yeah.

(All comments are my 99% unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added a couple of ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so if anyone tried to send me an ask in the last 24 hours or so, you may have noticed that my inbox was temporarily closed (I’ve reopened it now). this was due to a very polite anon ask I received yesterday morning which was nonetheless ominous as fuck

like, holy shit, lol. so of course my brain immediately panicked and came up with a whole list of things that this could possibly be referring to

Giran dies

someone else dies

Horikoshi kills another dog

Kacchan’s provisional license is revealed but his thumb is conveniently blocking out his hero name because Horikoshi is, in fact, evil

Re-Destro transforms into a big ugly spider-crab creature like Overhaul

RD transforms into something even worse, like a mushroom, or a centipede

worst-case scenario: “My Hero Academia will be on break next week.” or for two weeks. or, god forbid, an entire month. can you even fucking imagine holy shit

so anyway, as previously mentioned I immediately closed my asks so as to protect myself from any potential spoilers, and then I settled in to wait. and now I am finally reading the chapter, so I guess I should brace myself for whatever terrible things are about to unfold

and we’re opening with... what the fuck...

I guess it’s a nose lol

lmao oh my god

are you telling me he is going to track down Tomura by scent. Tomura just how rank are you after six weeks of nonstop battling in the woods. no wonder Machia hates you so much. was it really so simple this whole time

anyway, so now this is happening

I’m not even the one he’s hunting down and even I’m terrified. say a quick prayer for the Liberation Army of Assholes, everyone. they were, as the name implies, assholes, but I’m not sure anyone deserves what’s about to go down. Geneva Convention about to be violated something fierce

ASKDFJLWIREFJOAIJDLKLSDKFJSLDAKF

WELL IF IT ISN’T THE BIRB TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIS BOYFRIEND, WHO UNBEKNOWNST TO HIM IS CURRENTLY FIGHTING GOOD HUMOR WHILE TRYING TO COPE WITH HIS ORGANS BEING ON FIRE. HELLO THERE, HANDSOME

8. new worst-case scenario: Hawks fucking dies. oh my god. I’m about to go put this whole fucking chapter down right now and go take a walk while trying not to panic

so Hawks is crouching on that rooftop with a big ol’ bag. whatcha got there Hawks

(ETA: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻)

and he’s being smart and stuff

okay correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that Various Bits Of Giran ominously turning up at all of the League’s Greatest Hits locations ought to count as an incident related to the League. eh?? sounds to me like the Hero Network has been slacking

-- NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. NEW NEW WORST-CASE SCENARIO BEST JEANIST FUCKING DIES WHAT THE FUCK

(ETA: and I also missed the part about the sidekicks the first time around! what the fuck!!)

BITCH I REALLY AM ABOUT TO GO OUT ON THAT WALK!?!? WHAT’S HORIKOSHI’S EMAIL I WANT TO WRITE HIM A VERY STRONGLY WORDED LETTER

shit. well look. if I just stop right here and don’t finish the chapter then it can’t hurt me. but on the other hand, if I quit BnHA right now and delete my tumblr then I’ll never find out Kacchan’s hero name. so anyway this is a really big dilemma for me as you can see guys, but I guess I’m just gonna have to suck it up and read on anyway because I apparently hate myself

ohhhhh shit

who’s he talking to?? that doesn’t sound like Dabi. and Tomura doesn’t know that Hawks exists. I’m thinking this must be Ujiko, then

lol he’s apparently out in public while taking this call, and his adoring fans are all “OMG WHO’S HE TALKING TO IS IT HIS GIRLFRIEND.” first of all, I think we all know Hawks doesn’t swing that way. and second of all, haha nope

anyway so now he’s flying off to go get some fucking privacy

okay now I’m absolutely positive this isn’t Dabi lol

because if that is Dabi being all “SPICY!!!” then I must say I’ve really failed to get the correct read on Dabi’s character up to this point. like, I could not have gotten that more wrong if I tried

wow Hawks is really going all in on his whole “secretly disgruntled traitor” act. if I didn’t know better I sure would be convinced

I love the juxtaposition between what he’s saying and what he’s actually thinking here. he’s so fucking smart, it’s ridiculous. constantly playing this dangerous game of chess in his head and judging what to say and how to act to best gain their trust

wow who is this?? maybe it really is Dabi

either that or someone new?? is the plot thickening?? jesus christ I was not prepared for any of this, I thought it was just gonna be a chapter of Gigantomachia fucking shit up. not all of this Intrigue

yep it is Dabi. wow Dabi. I’m gonna call you Spicy from now on you little freak

-- HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE

BACK THE FUCK UP. IS THIS IMPLYING THAT FUCKING HAWKS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR KIDNAPPING OR FUCKING MURDERING MOTHERFUCKING ULTIMATE FINEST JEANIST, BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO LOSE MY SHIT OVER HERE WHAT THE FUCK

AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING TO ANOTHER BUILDING SOMEWHERE, STILL IN FLASHBACK MODE, AND IMMA KEEP THE CAPSLOCK ON JUST IN CASE BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING THAT WE MAY JUST BE IN NEED OF IT

I CAN’T BELIEVE HORIKOSHI WENT FROM “HAHA LOOK AT ALL THESE TWICES” TO “HAWKS FUCKING MURDERS BEST JEANIST!!!” IN THE SPAN OF A SINGLE CHAPTER OH GOD

OH GOD!!!

BUT CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT TWO LUNGS, BEST DEAD MAN WALKING???

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKFLSDKJ

MAYBE I DON’T REALLY NEED TO KNOW KACCHAN’S HERO NAME AFTER ALL SOB IT’S BEEN A GREAT MANGA EVERYONE, WONDERFUL GETTING TO KNOW YOU ALL BUT I CAN’T

... [CLICKS TO NEXT PAGE WHILE SOBBING!!!]

HEY WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS THIS! WHERE DID THE FLASHBACK GO!!

HEY GUYS. OKAY LISTEN. IF BEST JEANIST’S HEAD IS IN THAT BAG, I’M ABOUT TO RAGE QUIT THIS WHOLE SCENE THOUGH

aaaaaaand now we’re cutting back to King Joffrey* VS Choco Taco. great

*this is a reference to Game of Thrones you guys. “bring me his head!” it’s not the best joke because I immediately realized it would probably require an explanation, hence me explaining it right now. but I’m not gonna go back and delete it though because, well. if the shoe fits, Spicy Boi

maybe it’s not Best Jeanist’s head. maybe I’m having an extreme overreaction to this whole thing. maybe the bag is filled with flowers. or letters to Santa that he’s delivering. or something else really good and wholesome and not-terrible

maybe they found someone with a cloning quirk like Twice’s, and they made a fake Jeanist and decapitated him? Hawks isn’t a fucking murderer though, like surely he wouldn’t go that far to gain the League’s trust even if it would save a lot of lives in the long run. right?? someone please reassure me here I feel like I’m on a boat slowly drifting out to sea with no way back sob help

oh hey look who finally decided to show up again!

and Spinner too! somehow I straight up forgot about him. maybe he’ll finally show us his quirk and we can forget all this Sopranos bullshit

wow, despite being completely fucking tanked from sleep deprivation Tomura is actually having a very reasonable conversation with Spinner and I’m fucking impressed actually

it’s really starting to seem that the lack of sleep is actually making him saner, which is extremely intriguing. it’s like whatever brainwashing/mental manipulation that Ujiko and AFO did is slowly losing its effect because of how tired he is. first the flashbacks, then the power upgrade, and now this uncanny single-minded focus that he’s developed. idk, just my theory, but I think we’re seeing a bit of his real personality starting to shine through here

anyway so I guess all these fuckers are about to die

place your bets everyone. will it be Tomura continuing on his rampage? Spinner finally revealing his quirk? Machia making his grand entrance? or a surprise entrance from Hawks wondering why his boyfriend didn’t show in Osaka like they agreed to retrieve his head in a bag sobbbbb

and maybe I should take back what I previously said about Tomura becoming saner, though. ...

though I mean, even if he’s saner in general he is still kooky from the no-sleep though

also it looks like the Twices have finally arrived! I didn’t even include them as an option to bet on. I’m really losing my touch here. it’s almost as if I’m distracted by something!!

okay, and now Twice is tackling Tomura to the ground for some reason while screaming “HIYAAAAH!” not how I was expecting you to deal with the situation Jin but okay

okay but not only is Tomura accepting this with more grace than some football quarterbacks, but he’s genuinely starting to remind me of Deku now holy shit. I take back my take-back. jesus christ when did he get so mellow?!

“I have no idea why you just fucking shoved me into the pavement for no reason but wow, you’ve really gotten stronger bro!” okay, things I was not expecting to happen in this chapter: Hawks going Full Evil while Tomura inches ever closer toward being a straight up nice dude

Twice is all “yeah!!” and says he hopes he can finally be useful to Tomura now. aww

meanwhile the Army of Dipshits is charging in again since they all want to die, apparently. I keep waiting for a few of them to have an epiphany in the background and be all “you know what, maybe I should get the fuck out of here and to hell with Re-Destro though.” but nope, they’re all idiots. it’s really something

Tomura is so fucking nice. his niceness is the balm I needed to soothe my anxiety over Best Deadest Jeanist

... [headpats]

he remembers from before that RD and Giran are supposedly up in the tower, and he’s more than ready to kill the former. quote unquote, “kill him reeeealll good.” that’s what I like to hear, Tomura

oh my god

motherfucking League of Softies right here. well except for Todoroki “Queen of Hearts” Touya. there, I worked in a more accessible chopped-off-heads reference for you guys. anyways he has issues, but the rest of the League of Angels is very sweet though

so Twice is shouting “just leave it to mes! hang on Giran, I’m coming for ya!” and I suddenly got scared all over again for Giran oh my god. please don’t hurt him, I was prepared for it before but now Best Jeanist is dead probably and I’m a fragile, vulnerable mess who’s trying to cope with humor and failing sob please

oh my GOD

SHIGARAKI TOMURA I KEEP JOKING ABOUT HOW NICE YOU ARE AND YOU KEEP ESCALATING YOUR LEVEL OF NICENESS TO MATCH MY FUCKING EXAGGERATIONS THOUGH, WHAT THE FUCK. “I WON’T FORGIVE YOU FOR TOYING WITH PEOPLE’S HEARTS LIKE THAT.” FOR REAL?!?! WHO EVEN ARE YOU

oh it’s this guy again

so did I honestly

you deserve to die a quick and brutal “Indiana Jones shooting the guy with the big sword” death, buddy. my fingers are crossed for Gigantomachia to just plow right through you as soon as I click to the next page. Horikoshi owes me, so

goddammit

wow this is almost verbatim Syndrome’s speech from the first Incredibles

also these guys just keep on getting more horrible. good job assholes

so Spinner’s thinking to himself that every time Hanabata gives a speech his lackeys get more fired up. and he’s wondering what to do because ‘I can’t let Shigaraki get any more exhausted!’

the love these guys have for each other though, I swear. like it genuinely is the sweetest thing. honestly the only real problem I have with this arc so far is that my disbelief is going to be crazy suspended if and when they go back to kidnapping kids and shit after this arc. there’s just no way I’ll be able to reconcile that in my head with the current League of Darlings here. I feel like it would be more consistent for their next scheme to be them angrily raising money for a charity or something

now what’s happening up in the tower

oh shit

that was fast Jin

and he continues to be hot. now he’s even doing it while still wearing the Deadpool mask! this is outrageous

gotta love that trash talk. “so you’re the asshole that kidnapped our broker and chopped off his hand and beat up my girlfriend! well guess what! YOU’RE BALD YOU BIG JERK”

Giran hotness status: still hot. this one basically goes without saying but it’s still worth a mention

bold fucking move bringing up your dead mouse secretary, Re-Jerko. sob. please don’t kill Giran or Twice. is that the real Twice?? -- no, because the real Twice is still sitting in that backyard with his arms broken, that’s right. but still, I’d prefer if you didn’t kill this one either though but whatever

where is Skeptic. you’d figure he’d have run into him on his way to the top of the tower. that’s unsettling, him still being out there somewhere

lastly, so long as Schrödinger’s Jeanist’s status remains unconfirmed I will go ahead and assume those really are letters to Santa in Hawks’s bag. that’s so sweet of you Hawks. you’ll fit right in with the League of Saints and I’m sure they’ll be pleased to welcome you

what a sweet and wholesome chapter where nothing bad happened and Best Jeanist is probably just off in Tahiti somewhere enjoying life with his one remaining lung well good night everyone

[s3venpounds]

1 - 102

ASK MEE RIDICULOUSLY PERSONAL THINGSSSSSSSSSSSS YEEEEEEEEEEEE i love this shit

thanks for the ask anon, at this point im sure yall already know everything about me but hey whats a couple more questions c:

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

YIKES tough right off the bat huh? it would have to be the opening to digimon frontier ayyyyyyyyyy i still listen to that shit every fucking month. its that or disney’s hercules i can go the distance that shit was just MMMMMMM good shit2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

yep a blue and white love bird my family called quick silver we taught it to do adorable little tricks like pick up our pencils when we do homework and it rolls away3.) have you ever been drunk?

hehe yeah fun times4.) have you ever tried drugs?

yup! curious about trying more hard drugs but also i dont wanna get addicted or like idk die/get arrested5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

ALL THE FUCKING TIME. infact at work i told a customer we didnt have a thing and the customer was like whats that right behind u, and it was the thing they were looking for i felt so stupid lmao6.) have you ever made someone cry?

yeah.7.) has someone ever made you cry?

yeah.8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it.

honestly idk if i ever have been in love. I would think that i have but yknow you never know what the future holds so looking back something in the past could pale in comparison to something in the future9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

the chicken, evolved from some other bird10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

dunno if im part of the community by status but i wholeheartedly approve and support them. speaking just for myself though I just think I’m me and nothing else. whether im non binary or male or female or something else doesn’t matter to me. im attracted to who im attracted to, feel what i feel, and do what i want with a hint of salt. If plants can have like 10 000 genders or whatever, then anyone can be whatever they want unless its something fucked up like age fluid lmao if youre 60 youre 60 even if you have the “mind of a 14 year old”11.) how many siblings do you have?

412.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

yeah in fact just recently13.) are you a good cook?

fuck no. i fucking wish tho, not even a good cook i just wanna be able to copy recipes on tasty’s facebook page hahaha14.) what is your favorite tv show?

right now i dont have one and i definitely dont watch tv shows often unless you count anime then haikyuu!! or My hero Academia15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

i think it was a tyler perry movie something about a funeral and a family reunion honestly i cry when any movie has a really strong family sorta bonding specially if the family was broken at first and they all healed together and became closer as a result16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

none, i did cry whe i was listening to wild wild love by GRL and pitbull for some reason? 17.) do you have a middle name?

nope i do have a nickname given to me by distant relatives18.) have you been out of your country?

yeah thankfully ive been out of canada multiple times19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

love chocolate in fact im drinking hot chocolate right now, little cold going on so i need it20.) how many people have you kissed?

lips? less than 15, in general no matter where? couldnt count21.) what is your favorite album?

the only album i loved in its entirety has been marianas trench master piece theatre22.) what is your dream car?

2003 dodge viper23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

i always wanted to be ironic and say 13 but i’ve kinda been leaning towards 10 like hinata’s jersey number24.) what is your favorite flower?

lilacs cuz the color25.) books or movies, why?

movies, less thinking for me26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

nope but i’d love to try it27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

yep28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

i dont think i have? not consciously.29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

an act of self sacrifice or something handmade or personally tailored to the individual receiving30.) do you have neat handwriting?

i adore neat handwriting! its like a breath of fresh air, simple and precise to read, and it feels like you can read faster when it is31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

nope but i’d love to have one!32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

just said but yeah i’d love one!33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

A hero.34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

nope but my body refuses to drink any more alcohol once i get to my good buzz point. like all alcohol makes me wanna throw up the second i get past the point its almost like my mind and body are two seperate beings lmao35.) have you ever met someone famous?

i think i have? one time when i went bowling with some relatives, there was a crowd gathering around this blonde dude who was playing house of the dead and this one guy in the crowd approached me saying “ do you know who he is? hes famous?” and then i blanked out after that because i just wanted to watch someone play and mentally check out for an hour36.) how many concerts have you been to?

3 concerts! all which were very fun !37.) which concerts have you been to?

one was an ed sheeran concert for his divide album, another was a marianas trench concert in klondike days edmonton, and the last was a country concert im not sure who it was my sister wanted me to go with her38.) do you have a hidden talent?

i can match any generation 1 pokemon just from their cries some generation 2 but beyond that only a handful from each other generation39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

masturbate. honestly its the only sure fire thing i’ve done that clears my head for the longest time and relaxes me lmao40.) do you think money can buy love?

of course! just depends how you use it! like if youre just throwing money at random people like “hey love me” itll be fake, but if you say, pay off a struggling student’s loans in full and give em a good fresh start im sure theyll be grateful to you for years to come. or if you pay for someone to get super super expensive surgery so they can die from old age rather than a disease or something then yeah they’d love you forever41.) how old would you date?

honestly not sure, i havent really tried dating anyone a lot older than me i usually date within 4-5 years older or younger? though i dont think i’d see a problem dating someone 10 years older than me42.) have you ever done something illegal?

hehe. ye.43.) what is your biggest fear?

death. too long to elaborate44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

fear of what happens after death45.) can you drive?

nope but i plan to learn how to and take my exam within the next 2 ish months46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

of course! as many evolutions that were made common place theres bound to be evolutions that somehow spurred legends and mysteries47.) do you believe in karma?

of course! 100% of the time i expect some stranger to just walk up to me and start slapping me or punching me or throwing water or soda in my face for something i did, though i also prepare myself to say” okay i probably deserved that but can i ask why?”48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

need to love physical affection, if not i dont think i can last with them, physical affection is so important to me its just as important as saying i love you, it like reassures me that theyre there with me in that moment and that theyre happy and just. physical stuff tells me a lot ok49.) do looks matter?

on first impression? oh hell yeah. keep in mind strictly first impression. im not gonna cut off a potential friendship or relationship because someones not my type or whatever i cut people off if they do something fucked up and horrible50.) does size matter?

to some people im not one of them51.) who is the last person you forgave?

I can’t really remember, i forgive people for small stuff all the time but with big personal mistakes i usually hold grudges52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

French Vanilla53.) what languages can you speak besides english?

none but i plan to learn sign language eventually that and visaya54.) ever been on a plane?

yep! i’ve been out of the country so that definitely means by plane i dont know anyone who goes on roadtrips long enough to get out of the country55.) ever been on a boat?

yeah! i thought i’d be seasick but turns out i enjoy being on the water its kinda calming56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

yeah my childhood friend ralph, cool dude but our friend groups and interests just kinda diverged57.) are there any friendships you regret?

yeah..58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

oh hell yeah! there was this one girl who always ate at the same cafeteria as me and my friend group and i regret not inviting her over and being her friend59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

yeah! specially during summer it really sucks and i only do that when my mental state is at a record low self punishment i spose60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

hell to the yeah! its the best! like a music video or adventure but it really just helps me clear my mind. oh wait i guess that kinda counts for the calms me down thing so late night walks and masturbating bahahaha61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

yep! one time with an ex girlfriend! we stayed from 2 am till 10 am i think singing songs and talking and cuddling on those big swings with a bowl at the bottom62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?

NO !!! I LOVE ROLLERCOASTERS!!!! im kind of an adrenaline junkie!63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

i personally feel like a 3 but thats probably because im already used to a 7 because of old issues i need sorted out that i’ve just kinda grown to live with the stress64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

considering its sunday? no, next weekend? im working65.) do you miss anyone right now?

yeah. i miss em a lot.66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

K,Z, and C i miss em67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

the power to fly or have wings that can make me fly. I associate flying with true freedom. 68.) who is your favorite superhero?

All Might69.) are you dirty minded?

ridiculously70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

im too lazy for that shit bro…71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

2 preferably? 72.) who is your biggest OTP?

im not super into shipping just cause it can get pretty toxic but asami and korra73.) what is your favorite food?

aw man im too much of a carnivore to pick just one thing man. uhh fried chicken or this one pork dish my mom makes thats super easy to make its like canned beans with this orange sweet kinda sauce and pork belly slices and potato chunks omggggg i eat so much of that. the last time my mom made that i actually ate the whole thing and i had to make more for everyone else lmao74.) do you want to be married one day?

yeah. it’d be nice not to have to worry about being alone for the rest of my life75.) dogs or cats?

dogs are great and so are cats though i have more patience for cats than i do for dogs. dogs to me are like energetic little kids and thats fine as long as im not dealing with them for an extended period amount of time i get drained pretty easy. cats are like roommates show you love and attention when they want but arent opposed to keeping you company the whole day76.) do you drink enough water daily?

i have no fukcing clue i literally just drink water whenever i have an excuse to drink.77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

not that i know of? like theres a few times i think i did but i wanna see one thats like unmistakably a shooting star or comet thatd be neat too78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

not long term? yeah id love to, just to feel what zero g feels like and the view of earth

79.) how many best friends do you have?

3 ish……..80.) when was the last time you cried?

a few nights ago when they stopped talking to me i cried like a little baby lmao ahhhhhhhhhh yikes81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

nope82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

i think? there was this one dude who literally thought everything i said was genuinely funny though to this day i have no idea if he was serious or not. i also have not seen that dude ever since83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Venice Italy.84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

Lonely, Filth, dependant85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

no, if my loyalty gets in the way of what i think is the right thing to do then i disregard the loyalty86.) what is your favorite season and why?

Winter. for some reason growing up i always felt like winter was unappreciated and i had this train of thought like “ even the cold needs to be loved” that and most of my wardrobe is just winter stuff. plus midnight walks feel so much nicer since its so cold out you know for a fact no one else would be walking around because whos gonna wait in a dark alley at -30 to mug, rape or kidnap someone.87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

nope. if i ever said it i meant it.88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

not reliably. like i know some songs on guitar from youtube tutorials but i can’t play the guitar in all circumstances yknow like i learned the song without mastering the basics89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

nope. i need like silence to sleep but ambient noise is preferred. music gives my brain something to focus on and thus stay awake90.) what are you allergic to?

pet fur or feathers and stuff. my eyes get puffy, my nose clogs up and my skin itches91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

a sad, extremely rich person and a happy, extremely poor person. to show me what to be grateful for92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

huh, thats tough… if its haikyuu i’d love to be daichi, if its my hero academia its hawks or deku93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why

Gal Gadot, I feel like she’d be such a positive influence on my life and that thing she does to people who are shorter than her where she cups their face in her hands omg i’d melt everytime. i just kinda wanna be like a little brother to her lol

94.) are you outgoing?

i would say i am?95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

oh fuck yeah im fucking gutless96.) are you a good flirt?

nope. awkward and weird af97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

yup all the time. part of life98.) which planet is your favorite?

never really thought about planets much but i do stan pluto as a planet99.) are you superstitious?

to an extent100.) are you a good listener?

i’d like to think i am101.) are you a good kisser

also like to think i am probs not102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

all of them honestly well not all of them. mostly cuz yknow theyre taken or theyd probably hate me if i did some of them are super defensive about physical intimacy