#i am not built for socializing
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one of the downsides to being the cool teacher or whatever is kids will just invite me to shit and I'm like besTIE I don’t know what to do with thissss
#jackshit#jacksclass#like?? did we clear the idea of me going to your bday party/family movie night/bbq/whatever with your grown ups???#and like i love my little fuckers SO much but going to any of those events would stress me out#i am not built for socializing#i sOB
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I like the way you draw Scott, may I beg you to draw happy empires season one flower husbands?
…i don’t know how to tell you this but this (what was meant to be a 30 min doodle) got INCREDIBLY away from me i don’t even know how this happened 😭
they are having a picnic :D
#i got possessed by homosexuality for second there my bad#six hours . six hours this took me#???#anywayyy#this was very fun and the most excrutiating piece ive done in a while#and i hid somethin in there tehe if you noticed it#this made me realise i need to stufy lighting more bc euuuurusehkdjsskdd#yeah#i am not built for social media the variation in my response to reqs is 😭😭#smajor1995#scott smajor#empires smp#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#empires s1#flower husbands#the crumb req-oning#fandumb fanart
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attempting 2 be social once again (i replied to 1 dm and am on the floor)
#I WANT TO BE SO BAD#BUT ITS SO HARD.....................................................#i am not built 4 this.. . i yearn 2 speak to mutuals.. i yearn 2 befriend. . but i am 100% socially inept it i.s . so bad#o well they r very sweet i hope it wil b ok. .. i am . so Fearful#once again /nbh but the wish goes triply for my moots on here#ily guys
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do you also have a bluesky account, perhaps?
I....do? So a friend gave me access to it when it was still invite-only, I spent 20+ minutes trying to customize my banner image which did not fit !!! then I promptly never used the site again 💁♀️
apologies to anyone who recommended this website to me, I shan't be using it :'D
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uni hates to see me coming (i want to kill myself)
#apparently autistic meltdowns in class are not socially acceptable#who knew#well fuck me ig#because that’s all i seem to do#i hate it here!! i miss online independent study!!#i am not built for this!!#if i turn up dead just know it WAS suicide and it WAS school’s fault
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Oh, I forgot to use this picture anywhere! It's been an exhausting, EXHAUSTING spring, including the painting, including the paneling, including a trip to nj to retrieve a pile of furniture, including way too much crochet for human hands to safely endure. But the guest room is coming together! The lips are probably getting evicted to the next guest room over (music/manga room), because the Horrors have faded enough that I'm itching for my next paint job, and I think it's going to be a pink and red palette. Just having one vibrant room in my house makes me so happy already, I simply HAVE to continue
Actually, you know what, have these curio cabinets too, because I'm delighted with how they turned out. More gifted old furniture finally giving me a dignified residence for my knickknacks. Pls note the tasteful heavy bookbinding objects on the bottom shelves definitely because they're pretty and not because I almost tipped these things over more than once before getting them anchored to the walls
#me home#no i haven't brain space for a social life in months and am slowly losing my mind why do you ask#i need to finish recreating my living room gallery wall#I'm probably... half there#hampered by 1) i need to climb on or behind my antique desk and not fall on my monitor#and 2) i need to find the right spot for cross-stitch#that will lighten the mass of art enough that I can think about where to tastefully scatter others#then i need to settle on homes for all the yarn and fabric i shoved into the music room#temporarily rehome the furniture and objects that do go in the music room#including all the manga because it is also the manga room because the pseudo-built-in is just the right size lolsob#and THEN i can finish polishing the built-in-ness of the bookshelves (fill the transition to ceiling/wall)#and start pondering a decorative backsplash and wall color samples
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just a vacation rant under the cut dont mind me lol
was visiting my husbands family & staying in his brother house for a week. very nice of them. nice home. HOWEVER (and tell me if I'm the one who's crazy) large group of family members came over to visit. totally cool hang had brunch it was nice. but they were there FROM 11:30AM TO 9PM
I was going INSANE. and I couldn't leave!!! at about 4ish I cracked and was like nope. enough. locked myself in the room with the lights off, pretending I was napping but was actually watching videos.
kept texting my husband when are they leaving when are they leaving WHEN--
and then at 7 his brother and wife (their house) left as they already had other plans. you'd think, surely, their guests would disperse. NOPE. they party rocked until their kids were ready to pass out
so anyways I don't plan on going there again anytime soon
#his whole family over there can and WILL socialize for the entire day#i am just not built like that#cheekychats
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sometimes. the best plan is canceled plan
#love my friends however i was NOT built for going out and doing extended social things 4 days in a row#so props to friend that canceled tonight. i am going to listen to finrod and lie on the ground now <3#overcoming my reflexive aversion to the word pl*n to post this lol. can't sabotage it once it's already canceled#skravler
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recent lounging babey images
#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy#a beauntifulle boye...#cats#STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going#on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit#so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T#Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the#main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things.#Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've#now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do#and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and#everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over#the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many#potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all#seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o#cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat#ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together!#and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams#together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and#am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper#focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not)#even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern#age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu#I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb#AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3#I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol
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yk i always loved how in robin and gary's livestreams as medic and heavy, they always give them such dorky wholesome personalities, like those excitable fun grandpas, i'm surprised i don't see them characterized that way more often in fanworks
I think it's because the two recognized how fun it'd be to bounce off each other if they did since i recall gary being a improv actor at one point (and currently a teacher for that kind of acting!)
(insert ramble here along the lines of 'improv being the ability to adapt to another person's ideas without fully rejecting it' '"yes and" instead of a "no" being the ultimate rule of improv' yadda yadda)
#i have practiced improv before when i was younger and i have researched a lot about it after school#(but then again improv is kinda like a required skill for me to understand social cues at the time because autism)#i am not built for acting and theatre but it is VERY fun to analyze personally#non-f/o related#this is more of me talking about the VAs and less about the characters. my bad#f/o blog#proships dni#gary schwartz#robin atkin downes#[radio jargon]
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This is the face of a person whose family has still not left as of Sunday night at 6:30pm.
Rest in peace to any sliver of weekend I was hoping to have this afternoon.
#oh well i guess#so much for alone time#i am not built for this much social interaction#a day off tomorrow would be great#time to make dinner for the fam
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Should I tag you or just mention your name when I post my hospital Dirk fanart?
oh tag it, I would like to see... can't guarantee a response but I do like to see when people make such things it makes me quite happy....
#ask#i haven't drawn dirk in so long. made this just for you...#btw if you've ever atted me with dear dirk art and i didn't respond please accept my humblest apologies#sometimes things enter my notifs and I think to myself that is quite awesome. I will interact with it when I'm home from work. etc.#and then it has evaporated from my mind completely by the time shift is over#and I will keep remembering it recurrently and think to myself oh surely this time. i will remember after finishing this task.#and then never do#so don't get sad if I don't interact I probably saw it an loved it. I just was not built for social media lyfe#also I am quite busy working on ''original'' projects I am not as present on here as I used to be#very excited about it excited to share....
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20 questions for writers
thank you @adelfie for the tag<3
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
18! (and one hidden). i did not think it was that many??? thought it was 10 tops, lol
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
272,860
3. What fandoms do you write for?
batman, used to write some dsmp, but now im kinda eeh about it. i also (for some godforsaken reason) have a harry potter WIP thats been sitting in my docs for like two years that i kinda wanna finish, kinda not (jk r*wling suck my dick challenge)
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
cards on the table
when in gotham: don’t drink the water
robin radio
o bury me not on the lone prairie
and their dreams they dreamed awake
5. Do you respond to comments?
i try!!!! the number overwhelms me sometimes, but i try to answer when i have the energy! :,)
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
oh god, i mean… i pretty much only write happy/hopeful endings🤠 mayyyybe ‘you have (1) new message’? its not all the way angsty but it’s kind of?? angsty??
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
gee whizz buddy see above and take your pick, really
8. Do you get hate on fics?
i have gotten one (1) hate comment and i treasured it dearly until the person that posted it deleted it😭 other than that, nawt really. some people give unsolicited advice/critique, but thats about it
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
nope. not really my thing
10. Do you write crossovers?
again, not really my thing.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not that i know of! sure hope it stays that way
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
yesss!!! so cool! they asked permission, and now my fic exists in a whole other language!!!
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
no, and i think i’d be really awful at it. i cant say no to stuff, i cant keep deadlines, and i dont enjoy people being in the kitchen when i cook, so to speak
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
BAYBEY!! you KNOW i was a klance shipper first and a human second when i was like? 14? now tho? i’m shipping myself with sixteen hours of sleep and financial freedom. but also, deep in my heart,,,, charlie and carlisle from twilight. you could have been so beautiful.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?
man at this point, who knows what i’ll finish. maybe instant repeater ‘99. i LOVE the concept and the world building. but also i kinda left the fandom,,,
16. What are your writing strengths?
people (including my interactive storytelling teacher) have told me im good at writing distinct characters/realistic dialogue! so i guess that! :,D
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
CONSISTENCY. finishing things. ending up hating what i’ve written like 3 months after it’s done.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?
well,,, that’s what i always do. english is another language to me! cop out answer, lmao. but other than that, i guess i could be persuaded to write a few lines in spanish here and there. did study it for 7 years, after all.
overall, i thinks it pretty cool! as long as there is an ez translation somewhere, easy to understand without a translation, or if it’s not done in a way that bi/multilinguals absolutely would not speak B)
19. First fandom you wrote for?
oh god. percy jackson. it’s still out there somewhere. i forgot my username and password so i’ll prolly never find it (thank god) but yeah. it was solangelo bc i was closeted and emo.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
probably ‘mothman is real and he wants to kill me’. i had a lot of fun with it! i also really like ‘*cocks gun* manor’s haunted’ just because i based it off of the haunting of hill house which is like, one of the best books ever.
that was fun!!! thanks again for the tag! <3 i’m tagging whoever wants to do this, and also (no pressure) @quotidian-oblivion
puss å kram, skumbanan!!❤️
#(im so scared of tagging people)#(and following)#(thats why i have like two mutuals)#(i am not built for this (social interactions))#tag game#my silly little fanfics#wes rambles
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Hey new friends. If you interacted with the post that was blazed, then we can only be best friends now. There's no other level of relationship that can exist when someone interacts with a sponsored post.
It's like in college where your best friends are whoever also decided to pay the fraternity for the honor of telling you who your friends are.
#posts be ablazin#bff#i am a well balanced human with normal social relationships built upon random internet strangers ive never had a conversation with
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that one post about only talking to your friends once every 4 months or twice a year is so bleak lol. could not be me, if we're not talking regularly we're not friends you are simply someone i know. i NEED to talk to people every day or every other day, i NEED to hang out with people at least once every two weeks. it's easy to throw out something like waiting months like it's the standard, but these people always overlook/underappreciate the fact that they either live with a partner or already have a handful of people they DO speak/hang out with very regularly. some of us move around often, had to rebuild our lives, etc and start from scratch.
૮ – ﻌ–ა i just threw it in my content filter atp but if that's all adult relationships are ur idea of relationships suck to me and could never work for me lol. i don't want friends who i catch up with a few times a year, i want friends who are experiencing life besides me as an active part of my life. i don't want to tell you about something i overcame, I want you to be there with me while I'm overcoming it. i don't want to tell you about a moment of crisis that passed, i want to know that i can reach out/go to you while I'm actively in a moment of crisis for help. be distant if u want but that distance is returned and u will be deprioritized big time over people who actually do show up for and talk to me regularly 😩
#i like that one person who compared it to LDRs and how those simply do not work for some people#and that a regular presence/closeness is required and sought after. like yeah. i need to do stuff w my friends#even if it's just parallel play or watching something idc but I'm not built to go months at a time just talking to coworkers and#people at stores/restaurants/etc.#i NEED interaction i am such a social creature. even the introverted girlies need people to be introverted with 😩
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welp. Not to be dramatic but. i am so depressed to hear this news abt tumblr. spent the day mostly offline and come back to see everyone talking abt alternative platforms and I just ?? this has been thee only social media I’ve pretty much used since age 14. And it’s pathetic but. I’m gonna feel so fucking lost if one day I wake up and it’s not here anymore.
#also like. just my creative life lives here#and my main blog too has been like where I’ve been involved with writing groups and built up some kind of ‘following’#i always dreamed of y’know promoting my future stuff on my blogs. i have no audience anywhere else#and as someone whose worked from home for the past few yrs it’s just. like this place is a social outlet too#i have some ppl on discord and am in some group chats#but I’ll be so fucking sad if one day this site goes and I completely lose touch with some of y’all#so like. mutuals and pals pls feel free to ask for my discord if you want#and my public insta that I’ll have to dust off is @aestronautics
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