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holycatsandrabbits · 4 years ago

Text

Tollense, an original serial romance by Dannye Chase, Chapter 4

A history professor falls in love with his best friend, a 3000-year-old vampire.

READ FROM THE BEGINNING

Chapter 4

1997 (One year later)

The convention center had been beautiful under the blue Minnesota sky when Liam had arrived, and it was still beautiful now with its windows backed by heavy showers of falling snow that threw diffuse, moving light onto the walls inside the conference room. Beautiful and alarming.

Liam’s university was located in Florida. Florida was quite nice in January, and besides, there were theme parks. Didn’t people always like theme parks? But instead, the conference was being held in Minnesota, and this was the final day. In an hour, Liam and his colleagues, other faculty of the history department, were supposed to start the twenty-some-hour drive home.

“Could have been at Disney World,” Kurt remarked, startling Liam. Liam had been too busy watching the storm to realize Kurt had come up beside him.

“What on earth?” Liam asked, quite rightfully surprised, not by Kurt’s sudden unexpected presence, as he was used to that by now, but because Kurt was not a history professor, and therefore didn’t have a reason to be at the conference.

“Thought I’d drop in,” Kurt said. “See how things were going. Anyone interested in your research on Tollense?”

“Everyone. It’s very exciting.” Liam kept his voice low. “Am I talking to myself, or can everyone else see you?”

Kurt smiled at him. “I wouldn’t give you that kind of reputation. I’m visible.” Liam could see it was true, as Kurt’s good looks were attracting a few appreciative glances. “Are you ready to come home?” Kurt asked.

“Yes, we’re due to head out soon. Not that we’re really looking forward to it.”

“Well, your co-workers can head out whenever they like. I’m taking you home.”

“What?”

Kurt looked surprised by Liam’s surprise. “You’re from Florida. You have no idea what to do with snow. They’re pulling locals off the roads, Liam. I'm not letting you drive in this weather.”

“But you don’t even know how to dr— wait.” Liam felt a bit of a shiver crawl up his spine. “Oh, no. I’m not teleporting home.”

“I’ve been doing it for thousands of years. With humans. You know that. It’s perfectly safe.”

“No.”

Now a bit of hurt flashed over Kurt’s features, and like all his dark expressions, it was vaguely unsettling. “You don’t trust me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I just don’t want to teleport.”

“Why on earth not?”

Liam hated to lie to Kurt. Partly, it was because Liam was not entirely sure that Kurt couldn’t somehow tell that he was lying. Kurt claimed that he couldn’t read minds, but he was a vampire who could teleport himself from Florida to Minnesota, and Liam would not have been at all surprised to find that Kurt was aware of the snowstorm confronting Liam without having checked the weather.

But it was also true that Kurt was Liam’s best friend and it seemed wrong to lie to him. Except Liam couldn’t tell him the truth about this, because that wasn’t going to help anyone. It was better if Kurt didn’t know that Liam was in love with him, that for over a year now, Liam had been obsessed with the memory of Kurt kissing him, slow and sweet, and that the last thing Liam needed now was for Kurt to pull him close and show off his impressive supernatural abilities in a rescue. Kurt had made it clear that he never allowed himself to fall in love with humans that he met, and Liam had to be protective of his heart, already cracked and in danger of breaking.

“Look, if you are so dead-set on it, you can use your mind-control powers to convince me,” Liam joked, and immediately realized that was worse than lying, because Kurt flinched.

“If I do that,” Kurt said, in what sounded like a carefully controlled voice, “I will lose you anyway.”

“Wh— you’re not going to lose me. I’ll get a hotel, then. Drive home later.”

“I don’t want you driving to a hotel!” Kurt looked exasperated. “Liam, you are the most adventurous person I know. Why not this?”

“Oh, I’m hardly—”

“Yes, you are. You’re like an explorer, always hungry for something new and unusual. You’re brave, and not terribly cautious, which is bad for your driving habits, but it’s perfectly safe when it comes to me, because I am never going to let anything happen to you.”

Kurt had stepped close, and Liam could tell how upset Kurt was because Kurt was losing his grip on the human appearance and mannerisms he tried to put on. Right now he looked sleek and strong and shadowy. He didn’t reach for Liam with his hands, but Liam could feel something surrounding him, like a faint cool mist. It felt oddly familiar, and Liam got the impression that the mist might actually always be there, a piece of Kurt holding onto him, and Liam had just never been consciously aware of it before.

And then everything suddenly snapped back into place: Kurt looked ordinary again, and Liam realized with a shock that a couple of his colleagues had approached them.

“What do you think?” asked one of them. “We’re talking about getting a hotel.”

“I have a ride home,” Liam said faintly. Everyone looked at him in surprise, including Kurt. Few of Liam’s fellow faculty had met Kurt, partly by Kurt’s design, because he wasn’t terribly social, and partly by Liam’s. Liam was aware that his very close friendship with a very handsome man was likely to give him a certain other reputation, one that was quite deserved (though sadly not much practiced), but not very wise in the current political climate.

Nothing for it now. “Chris Mullens, Doris Sullivan, this is my friend Kurt, ah, Smith. He was in town for something else and is heading back to Florida today. He offered me a ride.”

“Is it safe?” Doris asked, looking concerned.

“Kurt’s a very good driver. Got a— a car like a tank.”

Doris laid a hand on Liam’s shoulder, and to Liam’s surprise, Kurt seemed to bristle at that, almost literally, and the whole room seemed to go with him, the air around them feeling oddly sharp. Liam understood that Kurt was concerned that he’d change his mind and be convinced to travel with his colleagues, but it undoubtedly looked like something else from the outside— a sort of possessiveness.

“What a nice friend,” Chris said lightly, looking at Kurt in a way that Liam did not like at all, as if Kurt was not a person but a problem, not a good-looking man but a tempting trap. Liam’s personal belief was that men who were so vehemently opposed to homosexuality were probably terrified that they themselves might be vulnerable to such a “trap,” but it was better if that went unsaid.

Kurt rescued him, of course. “Yes, Liam and I have been friends for a while. I used to date one of his students, Martina.”

Chris’s face cleared a bit, losing some of its distaste. He had apparently not heard of bisexuality, or whatever word might describe Kurt. “Oh. Sure.”

“Ready to go?” Kurt asked Liam. He barely waited for an answer before steering Liam out of the room. They walked down an empty hallway where the storm winds were pushing hard enough to make the windows shift in their frames. Kurt spoke in a gentle voice. “Give it a few years. The world is becoming more tolerant again. Humans keep discovering their natures over and over.”

“This must all be very trite to you.”

“Not in the least.” Kurt’s eyes were sharp on him. “Do you think Chris is the one sending you those threatening letters?”

Liam scoffed. “He barely knows how to tie his shoes. Worse than even the typical history professor.”

Kurt looked unconvinced. “I’ll keep an eye on him all the same.” He held out a hand to Liam. “Let’s go home.”

Liam looked down at Kurt’s hand. A pale blue vein ran delicately along his wrist, and Liam wondered what flowed there, if anything. “What about my luggage?”

“I already picked it up from Dr. Sullivan’s car. It’s at your place.”

“You’re awfully confident that I’d say yes to this.”

Kurt sighed, exasperated. “I can’t believe you haven’t asked me sooner. I thought I’d be taking you to the Louvre every weekend. Or Rome. At least Antietam.”

Liam laughed. “I should have.”

Kurt smiled, looking at ease for the first time since he’d arrived. “You should.”

“Next weekend then.” Liam finally took Kurt’s hand, and their fingers fit together easily. As always, Kurt was slightly cool to the touch.

The convention center faded away into a sort of bland white light. Liam felt like he was floating, but still with his feet planted on the ground. He looked down and found his own office floor beneath his shoes.

“Stay still a moment,” Kurt warned. “People can get dizzy when they’re not used to it.” He dropped Liam’s grasp and put a steadying hand on his arm instead. And now was the moment Liam had dreaded: Kurt was so close, so strong, and so hauntingly strange.

“We must seem so very fragile to you,” Liam said.

“You are fragile.” There was a harsh coldness in Kurt’s voice.

“So how did you learn to do that? To teleport?”

Kurt shrugged. “Just always could.”

“Always?” Liam frowned. “I thought a vampire’s abilities were based on age.”

“They are.”

“But if you’ve been doing it as long as you can remember— since at least Tollense— doesn’t it follow then that your origins would have to be a great deal older than that?”

Kurt narrowed his eyes, considering.

“Or else,” Liam said, “maybe you’re not a vampire.”

“I drink blood.”

“A lot of creatures— uh, beings— are said to drink blood. I’m sorry, it must be so frustrating not to be able to remember.”

Kurt looked at him with a sort of gratitude, but then he turned away, toward the door. A second later, there was a knock, and Kurt finally let go of Liam’s arm.

It was one of Liam’s graduate students at the door, Jonah. “Hey,” he said. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything. Just have a couple of questions. I thought I heard you talking. Do you have company?”

Most of the students never met Kurt either, despite the fact that he was around quite a bit. Liam had learned by now that Kurt only appeared to those students he thought he might start a relationship with. Kurt had been alone since Martina had graduated, and Liam assumed it would only be a matter of time before he picked another student, someone to provide him with blood and share his bed. In between lovers, Kurt drank blood from animals, but he had told Liam that it was much better to have a human source. Kurt chose those people whom he thought would be open to the idea of a finite relationship with a vampire, those who wouldn’t be afraid of him but also wouldn’t want to stay with him indefinitely. Because Kurt never got attached.

“Let’s find out,” Liam said, and opened the door wider. His heart sank immediately when he saw that Jonah could see Kurt standing by the desk. Liam thought back for a moment to Kurt’s reaction when Doris put her hand on Liam’s arm. But Kurt wouldn’t get jealous, of course.

Liam definitely was.

READ FROM THE BEGINNING

Updates Fridays on Ao3 and DannyeChase.com (rated E), and Tumblr (rated T)

Want to create fic, art, or other works based on this series? Please do! Just dm or tag me.

My previous serials are for Good Omens: Mr. Fell's Bookshop and Love's Endless Light

My Carrd

#Dannye writes #original fiction #serial fiction #tollense #vampires #romance

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kinnie-moment · 4 years ago

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SoKi hcs because they are criminally underrated idc

These mfs have so much trauma LOL

Kids always paranoid about becoming a kishin like Asura

Also has nightmares about being kidnapped…… that could not have been a fun experience. I’m sure he wakes up practically trembling.

And Soul is of course still torn up over the black blood and the little demon

#bestievibesonly 😍😍

Soul feels. So inferior to Kid. LIKE HES A MF DEATH GOD HE DID SERIOUS DAMAGE ON THE KISHIN and Soul thinks he’s just some guy

But Kid always notices and knows exactly what to say to Soul. He has a very proper and elegant way of speaking, and that translates into compliments

But when it comes to them getting together!! Its a funny story i will pretend its cannon

It was a school dance. Soul found himself on the balcony as usual, but this time it was Kid who came out to greet him and ask if he was okay

He figured Soul would be dancing with Maka since they came to the dance together, but after speaking to Soul for a minute or to he suddenly realized it wasn’t like that

Eventually, he got Soul to spill that he wanted to dance with someone, he just didn’t think they’d say yes

“I think you should ask them, Soul. Surely they’ll accept it if you approach it properly.”

“Okay pretty boy, wanna dance with me?”

Yeah Kid nearly fell backwards of the balcony

So much?? Just happened???? Being asked to dance??? BEING CALLED PRETTY BOY??????????

He suddenly realizes he forgot to respond so he quickly mutters a small “y-yes.” and Soul thinks it's hilarious.

Kid gets flustered very easily but we’ll come back to that later

Anyways they dance and!!!!! Turns out Liz set the whole thing up and basically told soul that kid liked him LMFAOSKB

As for general relationship hcs:

Kid calls Soul the sweet and tender pet names like “love” and “dear”

But also stuff like fruitcake and dumbass. Lovingly, of course

Oh my god they probably call each other the f slur bye

Soul calls him stuff like “pretty boy” and “kiddo” and Kid rolls his eyes and pretends like he hates it

One time Soul called him some dumb shit like “alive the offspring” and got slapped in the face. He doesn't regret it tho because Kid’s small giggle was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. He’s down bad yall.

Kid gets flustered. So incredibly easily. And it's super obvious bc mf is so PALE

Soul could whisper something slightly outta pocket and Kid is bright red in a second

Its very funny everyone teases him for it <33333

Tfw ur literally a death god but can't handle holding ur bfs hand

However, Soul can get just as flustered. He's only slightly better at hiding it

Kid has definitely shot Soul in the balls before. Just bc he was being obnoxious

“If you damage anything down there it’s a loss on your part, remember that.”

Soul gets an extra shot in the face for that one

Very chill relationship. They really don't need to constantly drown each other in affection, sometimes just sitting in silence together is enough

Just stuff they'd do even if they weren't together, like sneaking out to the basketball court late at night

“If I win I get to move all the furniture off center” “If I win you shut the fuck up”

I know i said they don't have an incredibly over the top relationship, but there is a lot of reassurance needed with these two

Soul has like,,, the insecure jealousy. He knows his bf is like the hottest guy ever. He knows his bf possesses an immense power and a high status. It seems ridiculous that he’d settle for a guy like soul

But he did. And Kid doesn’t regret it, no matter what Soul thinks

God im just jumping around w these but… onto pda and physical affection!

At first, Kid isn’t big on physical affection. He’s never really gotten it before so he’s like ????? what even is that

He discovers how nice it can be one day when he’s beginning to spiral. Instead of trying to talk to Kid, Soul just gently pulled him closer and rubbed small circles into his back until he had calmed down and Kid was like. oh. oh okay.

So needless to say, he’s very big on affection now. When Soul hugs him he doesn't feel like a god anymore. He doesn’t feel the stress of living up to his father. He can just sink into the feeling of security.

Soul loves to give Kid hugs from behind. Just to flex that he’s taller. Even tho its only by 1 inch

He talks mad shit for a mf that's literally 5’3

LMAO ANYWAYS

They both give me the vibes of….. clingy when sleepy. Kid practically clings to Soul when he’s asleep, and if Soul attempts to get up Kid will just whine and pull him back while he’s in this half asleep state

He’ll never admit to it though.

Soul loves to watch Kid fight. He's just so graceful with each move and it's incredibly badass.

Kid loves to wear Soul’s hoodies around the house. Again, he’s only 1 inch shorter but Soul wears looser clothes so it definitely fits a bit big on him

Soul loves when Kid plays with his hair

Kid loves it to, but at the same time he’s so insecure about his hair he usually prefers to forget about it completely

But if he's had a hard day is he really gonna say no when Soul offers to hold him and rub his hair????? No absolutely not

Who the fuck would say no to that

Ugh i love them

Pov homosexuality

Oooo u wanna be my friend and talk to me about them so bad ooooooo kid kinnies wanna give me validation so bad ooo

Also im only doing self promo bc there’s no SoKi content out there but!!! I have tons of SoKi content on my ao3 (kinnie_moment) and i’m slowly uploading them to my wattpad (kinnie_moment_asf) so feel free to check those out if u want more content!! I love these two sm i doubt i’ll stop writing them anytime soon

#first post how are we #soulxkid #kidxsoul #soul eater #soulevans #soul evans #death the kid #deaththekid #dtk #soul eater death the kid #soki #deathsoul #headcanon #soul evans hc #dtk headcannons #death the kid headcannons #souleaterhcs

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siswritesyanderes · 4 years ago

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This is a series of asks bc, while I do LIKE all the charas of Fantastic Beasts individually, much of the romantic pairings dont sit well with me. By that mean the messy love polygon w Newt & I think I finally figured out why & I'd like another's opinion on it. For starters, Newt's attraction with Tina is too fast for me considering he was friends w Leta, got expelled out of Hogwarts for Leta, carried Leta's photo in his case, & basically loved her for YEARS. But this is all undone by a [1]

jaunt in NY having met a woman, who he admittedly went on a huge adventure w, over the course of maybe a few weeks. He's so taken w her she replaces Leta's photo w her own &, after refusing to go to Paris for Dumbledore, leaves immediately once he finds out she's there. I just find this unbelievable. I can rationalize it from Newt's perspective where Tina is a fresh breeze sweeping into his life on (percieved) unrequited pining, but this is my conjecture based on my understanding of Newt. [2]

The audience shouldnt be left to rationalize endgame couple of the mc on their own. & the whole thing w Leta is so messily handled I dont think they can save it even if they bring her back in FB3. How she feels for Newt vs Theseus & unresolved lingering affection, etc. She & Newt were SO important to each other & we SEE that & they dont HAVE to get together, but they need proper resolution bc they have actual history between them. God Leta in general deserved so much better. [3]

But my main gripe is that this love polygon serves no purpose to what I believe is the main selling point of FB: the world. HP having love stories makes sense bc we're following the story of a boy as he goes through adolescence & his journey through that via school is part of that, which is why the romance feels fitting. It's a very personal story. FB on the otherhand is the best peak we have at the wider wizarding world beyond school. HP introduces the world of magic, but FB rlly expands it [4]

To that end Jakob & Queenie's relationship is the only one I find myself liking, bc it's deeply tied to the world setting, the series' biggest selling point (in my opinion, should have said this earlier). It underscores the attitudes of the period & the conflict they face feels suitably substantial & not like filler. There's a moral question between them of are they worth it? And how far should they go to be together?

Imma be real hear & say FB2 was rlly Queenie's movie & they should have been ballsy & just make Queenie the mc for FB2, bc her story was actually considerably more important to the overall development of the story than Newt's, which mostly came off as a rushed & a tad clichè soap drama. & making it about Queenie I think builds more room for good conflict & independent narrative for Tina that would serve her chara better. [5? 6?]

If I bad to be REAL ballsy, I'd say my big issue w/ the relationships in the FB series & how it enhances or impedes the main story & what I believe to be it's biggest attracter (the setting) could have been solved if they made Newt's romantic interest a muggle. It attaches a deeper meaning & relevance to them & the story so it felt more deeply that they truly moved WITH the narrative rather than beside it but I guess Im just picky. Thx for putting up w this! [Final]

(My response below the cut.)

Yeah, pretty much all of this is right.

Regarding the Tina thing, it was definitely rushed, especially since there was literally nothing romantic between them in the whole first movie, except maybe the end part where they're stumbling over their words. Despite knowing how movies work and knowing that they were the male and female lead, I still found that completely out of left field, because they don't really share any interests and I didn't feel like they felt anything in particular for each other before that. She really wants to be an auror and feels really intensely about it; he just wants to travel the world and write about magical creatures and take care of them. I don't see a lot of compatibility there, and the movie didn't really do anything to reconcile that gap.

Jacob and Queenie made sense, because they actually sowed some seeds for it. It's not even about the fact that they both like to cook; they showed an interest in each other throughout. They noticeably like each other. Newt and Tina never really had that, to me, so it was bizarre for her to become his primary motivation in the second movie.

Queenie's trajectory in movie 2 overall bothers me, so while I agree it would have been better if they'd centered it more around her, I definitely think they needed to drastically rewrite pretty much everything she did. Enchanting Jacob at the beginning never sat well with me; I usually only have to say this in the Descendants fandom, but if one half of the ship is magical and the other half isn't, we can't have the magical one enchanting the non-magical one for romantic reasons without addressing what a violation of trust that is. Like, Jacob would be justified for never trusting her again, over that. Also, the fact that she apparently holds it against people if they think bad things about her is not something I would expect from someone who has been a Legilimens as long as she has, and not a detail I like, at all. Especially since it was used to give her justification to be mad at Jacob after she enchanted him in the first place. I find it sad, because Queenie was definitely my favorite character in the first movie. (Also, joining Grindelwald was a nonsensical thing to do. I can only assume she's there to spy on him or something, because it makes literally no sense.)

As for Leta, I really don't like how that was approached. First of all, I don't like how their mention of her in the first movie was "She was a taker; you need a giver," because once we actually met the character, that only made me resent Queenie for representing her that way. Leta deserved better in pretty much every way, and they definitely shouldn't have killed her off like that. I find the whole situation really iffy from a racial standpoint. The first black character to be written three-dimensionally in all of HP lore, and they make sure to preemptively tell the audience that she's a "taker", kill her in the same movie we meet her, and manage to trivialize her death by turning it into a little "Who was she saying 'I love you' to?" mystery. I like her relationship with Newt and Theseus, and I'd definitely want to see more of it.

Yes, it definitely would have been better, thematically, if they'd made the love interest a Muggle. (I'd honestly say they should've paired Newt with Jacob, but I know they're unwilling to do that. That would be kind of cool, though, to see the movie shaping up with two male characters and two female characters and have the men end up with each other and the women just live their lives as humans.)

With the story they ended up telling, though, I don't think that is needed; since Queenie is already dealing with the wizard/Muggle storyline, Newt could have a different conflict. Maybe his love interest should be a werewolf or something, to tie in the wizarding world's unresolved dislike for "half-breeds". And if he were in a relationship with someone already regarded as a creature, the wider wizarding world might take a different view to his studies and look down on him a lot more. Idk, a thought.

And then, with Leta/Theseus and Grindelwald/Dumbledore (if they were willing to actually deal with that), they'd pretty much hit every controversial beat they've got: wizard/Muggle, wizard/"half-breed", interracial, homosexual. Credence and Nagini are both creatures, kind of, but I still like them together, so their relationship doesn't have to tie into any theme; it just has to be developed way more.

On the whole, Crimes of Grindelwald felt like they skipped a movie. It feels like they needed a middle installment to make these relationships happen, instead of jumping from "Do Newt and Tina maybe have feelings for each other?" to "Newt loves Tina and Tina is possessive enough of Newt to be outwardly upset with him when she thinks he's engaged to someone else," and creating a whole relationship between Credence and Nagini that we see none of.

The fact that Queenie and Jacob were done well in the first movie gives me a fair amount of goodwill for them, but that goodwill only offers enough cushioning from the botching that movie 2 did that I'm near-indifferent to the ship, now, instead of actively opposed. I'd like to see things improved, but as it currently stands, I'd be just as happy seeing them end up not together as together. The fact that Leta's relationships with Newt and Theseus were more interesting than any of the aforementioned makes it that much more ridiculous that they killed her. What ship am I supposed to care about how? If I can't go into the next movie delusionally hoping Newt and Leta will get some moments, or enjoying the Theseus and Leta content, then I'll just be sitting there waiting for Credence and Nagini to share a screen, and who knows when that'll happen?

#long post #fantastic beasts and where to find them #crimes of grindelwald #newt scamander #leta lestrange #theseus scamander #jacob kowalski #queenie goldstein #tina goldstein #credence barebone #nagini

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luminous-shifting-vibes · 4 years ago

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*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

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constellaj · 5 years ago

Note

I won't say who for the sake of privacy, but recently I saw a user who had a post on how people that shipped Swagger Bishie (aka Dash/Danny) were "condoning abuse" and "severely downplaying the very real trauma that stems from being bullied as a adolescent for the sake of 'hawt yaoiz'". Any thoughts on the matter?

i mean sure thats a valid take and im not gonna like. say its wrong technically. like yeah alright

but also like..,,, theyre basically middle schoolers. kids are just assholes

IF YOU WANT MY LONG ESSAY: While shipping danny/dash purely in the context of what canon’s given is, no doubt, implying abuse- as their entire relationship hinges on the mutual bullying (dash bullying danny publicly, danny bullying dash as Phantom) of one another- fanon/headcanons way outweigh “canon” for a franchise as old and as interpreted as DP. Many people who ship danny/dash adhere to similar principles:

-That Dash was going to be given (or at least deserved) a redemption arc, as hinted by various behaviors (danny’s reveal in Reality Trip, the back-to-back fight scene in Pirate Radio, just the entire premise of Micro Management)

-that Dash is in an abusive home situation and/or is covering for his homosexuality with toxic masculinity (we never see his parents, the only home life hint we get is that he can throw massive parties with no adult supervision (Attack of the Killer Garage Sale), and the “gay bully” is a stereotype fanon often clings to)

-That Dash only knows how to show affection via “bullying,” ie that he thinks aggression is the best way to show interest in someone (see the “he’s only doing that because he likes you” trope/stereotype)

Obviously these characteristics on their own don’t absolve Dash of any actual abusive behavior. But it’s also important to mention that the assumption of abuse is that players are on unequal footing, and while pre-canon it could be assumed that Danny was at a massive disadvantage, we see firsthand that Danny is just as capable of fighting back as Dash is.

Splitting Images is an episode built around the concept that Danny bullies Dash right back, and while it was poorly written, the point it was making still stands. Danny “abuses” Dash in much more horrific ways than Dash could ever abuse Danny, frequently overshadowing him to undermine his body autonomy and embarrassing him publicly with no way to absolve the situation (I forget the episode title but like, the first time Danny possesses someone (Parental Bonding?) it’s Dash and he without missing a BEAT uses this opportunity to humiliate Dash by telling Paulina he keeps his mom’s toenail clippings or something).

So while yeah, you can say Dash abuses Danny, you can also say that Danny abuses Dash, and that’s just as fucked up. But it also means there’s not an inherently toxic power imbalance; real life abusive relationships are abusive because one party feels as though they can’t fight back, held back by physical power, social norms, empathy, or some combination of the three. Yeah it’s still fucked that they beat the shit out of each other, and they’ve both probably got trauma, but it’s not like Danny’s trauma specifically is being romanticized.

In fact most of the danny/dash shipping I’m aware of (or at least do) is centered around Danny being able *to* fight back, and Dash *earning* his redemption arc, taking these otherwise “incomplete” pieces of canon and fleshing them out.

It’s also really important to note that Dash looks up to Phantom, even if he hates Danny- to the point where his respect for Phantom outweighs his hatred of Danny. Back to Reality Trip, when Danny gets revealed onstage, Dash’s immediate response is to round up the popular kids and come to his aid- he has no second thoughts about Phantom actually being Fenton. This, alongside fanon interpretations of Dash’s actions, suggests that Dash’s “hatred” of Fenton is based on some want to conform to the Alpha Male stereotype-- which, while bad, doesn’t mean he’s intentionally abusive. Fenton is weird, his family is weird, all the cool people hate them, so, to be cool, Dash *has* to hate Fenton. That’s science.

At the end of the day, it’s more than obvious Dash is a victim of toxic masculinity (he genuinely enjoys the romance channel and stuffed animals, for example, but these are played as “jokes” in universe; bitch fartman influence aside, it’s not a leap to conclude that he keeps his softer side “hidden” so he doesn’t come off as less of a man). His bullying of Danny isn’t specifically directed as a form of abuse, and outside of some specific school settings, he has no actual power over Danny. Danny also is more than wiling to fight back, using his own ghostly powers against Dash, putting them at a nemesis-level instead of an abuser-and-abused one.

Listen, I’m gonna be real, almost all of us were “bullied as an adolescent.” Bullying fucken sucks, but like, Dash is clearly meant to be an over-the-top caricature of a bully; no real person acts the way he does, and the audience is meant to (and does!) interpret his actions as a *signifier* of his Bully status more than literal and exact depictions. After all, we don’t see Danny anything other than mad over these things, like they’re mild inconveniences; he’s not actively traumatized or overly introspective about this one asshole in high school.

Not to mention, Dash and Danny are like, fourteen years old. I don’t know about you, but I was like, the worst version of myself when I was fourteen; I was edgy and made awful jokes and made a big show of liking violence. Fourteen year olds just, inherently, suck (no offense to any 14 year olds reading this, I’m sure you’re fine). Dash has more than the opportunity to *grow out of it.*

tl;dr: dash is just a fucking himbo let him live

#danny phantom #dash baxter #ask #long post #swagger bishie #baxton #danny fenton #Anonymous

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thecandywrites · 4 years ago

Text

Blood For Gold Part 12

Wow, my personal life has taken some hits lately, things are going sideways and I've gone through some loss and am about to experience a lot more. And this has been one of my few saving graces in dealing with all of it.

So. Let's go from bad to worse and from big to overwhelming shall we? introducing some new characters. to the right of Ramsey, Audra's mother's mother- Loreiris aka The Saharan Viper. Her parents, Jodhaa and Akbar (I know, super original right? I love that movie) then Akbar's mother, Rahelle. To the right of her, The Jade Empress/Sultana- aka Grandma Anavia, then Audra's heir father- Leucordorize, aka Cory, and his wife, below him, Maradiem.

As always, thanks to @kriskukko for sharing that regency orc art with me. And to @punkhorse96 for all of your wonderful feedback.

Blood For Gold

Part 12

You barely had your “gifts” moved to Amara’s room and had your “Will” in her possession by the time Axal came back and crashed into your bed.

“And?” You asked as you sat in your room and took off your jewelry and makeup at the vanity.

“And the reason Audrey Rogers is his favorite is because she has a double headed, polished red jade dildo that she wears in a harness and rams him with it, just, balls to the wall, rails him with it, railed me with it too, it was glorious.” Axal proclaimed proudly as you dropped your earrings onto the surface of the vanity.

“What?” You blanched, completely taken off guard by that revelation.

“Ramsey loves both men and women, but he is much more preferential to men and if I may be so bold, is very preferential to me. Lucky me, lucky, lucky me.” Axal cooed as he rolled over to look at you through the mirror and even from here you could see the beginnings of hickeys on his skin, despite his high collar on his borrowed English clothes.

“He...he likes to be railed?” You asked, flabbergasted.

“Yes, and it’s because he loves men more than women and has been...I believe the English term is a rake?” He asked.

“Yes, a boyish playboy, that’s what that means.” You confirmed.

“Well his parents are done with it and beyond fed up with it. And in an effort to shake him of his rakish ways, he claimed that you were the only one worthy of him, conveniently at your wedding to Edward, so that you were thankfully no longer on the marriage market and thus no longer available, like a pregnant woman only wanting preserved meat in a fresh produce market and even when he went to the stables, supposedly “comparing” all of them to you, and since there is only one you- Audra, he and his parents were at an impasse until you became a widow, only a year later, which Ramsey confided in me that he was not expecting at all and honestly terrified him because he thought he would have more time, on the range of three to five years, even a decade at least, but his father is pushing him, practically has a cannon to his head by the way Ramsey went on about it. Apparently when it was found out that you would be available, the calendars were marked as to when you would be available again and the ball at Havenfield was planned thusly, to encourage him and you to get together and Ramsey has been recieving coaching for a year by his father about how to properly court a moura bride based on your master. Ramsey is only pursuing you because you are, in his mind, his last and only saving grace from ruination at the hands of his parents.” Axal informed you.

“Oh...oh my gods, he has the homosexual panic in a heterosexual society then?” You asked.

“Very much so.” Axal confirmed as he winked and clicked his teeth.

“But if he likes to be railed and wants to be railed by you- then that means that he and I are at an impasse, I will never share a lover, let alone a husband with you or anyone else for that matter, it’s practically incest, even by our lax Dorierran standards, let alone the English ones. I would never stand for it and I would never be allowed to have a lover of my own here, I like to be railed, not to be the one railing necessarily and I’m turned off to the idea and by the idea.” You argued, finding aversion to the idea of railing Ramsey. Demsey Draft, if he asked nicely, perhaps, but not Ramsey.

“I know, that’s why I have a solution for all of us. So at 3C’s, there is a lady I have in mind, Buchon Octavia Lafronze.” Axal grinned.

“Octavia? Really?” You asked, intrigued at his choice.

“You see, all Ramsey needs is a public wife, a highborn lady who is preferably beautiful, to give him an heir and a spare right? And one that would play to the public right? You have no desire for that. I have always known this about you. She’s closer in age to him and she would have the right temperament and would be a better fit and her mate, Drina, could always pose as my wife if I need to do so here, I will send for them tomorrow morning. She can be here by the end of the week. You just have to play along for about a week and a half. Surely you can do that can’t you?” Axal petitioned as you realized that your circumstances weren’t nearly as dire as you thought they were as you were relieved that Ramsey was not another version of Richard, but rather...in a bind himself, and while he was desperate, he was not as malevolent as you thought he was only a few moments prior. This suddenly made more sense. It wasn’t necessarily Ramsey that perhaps sent for Calla and Bennie, it was probably and most likely his father, wanting to clear out obstacles for his son. That made the most sense.

“I can.” You decided.

“Excellent, however in the second order of business. There is no Demsey Draft at The Red Velvet Rope.” Axal declared before you turned to face him with a frown.

“What?” You asked.

“There is a guy who is called “Draft”, his real name is Kondus Rogers, he’s actually Audrey’s Rogers’ husband and he’s the one who fashioned his wife’s dildo after his own cock which is just as equally impressive, but he is a minotaur, a brahma bull minotaur at that, he’s huge, giant cloven hooves, wide impressive horns, he has to come into rooms ducked and sideways, beautiful, glorious man. But there are no other “Drafts” and certainly no Demsey’s that work there. There is only one moura orc who works there but he’s a midnight orc, like, dark, dark midnight blue orc. But his name is Louko, aka Louis Charter and his moura mark is barely a speck of gold on the back of his neck. That’s it. I went through the whole “catalog” too and looked all of them over, some more thoroughly than others.” Axal informed you as you recalled seeing a minotaur serve you that Sultan’s feast there.

“That...that’s impossible.” You shook your head no, not wanting to believe him.

“I can only tell you the truth of what I found. That is the truth and the whole truth. I would not hold anything back, especially from you. Unless The Red Velvet Rope is keeping him locked up in a high tower or locked in a dungeon or he works at two whorehouses and is really a whore for another place and he was on loan, I don’t know what else to tell you.” Axal shrugged before he got up, stretched and kissed you on the cheek.

“Goodnight Audra, I love you. Don’t do anything I would do and probably will be doing.” Axal wished you before he left your room through the secret door and made his way to Ramsey’s rooms for the night, sauntering all the way.

“He...he can’t be right.” You said to yourself in the mirror before the thought occurred to you.

Convenience and coincidence rarely went hand in hand by happenstance, unless… what if it was connected? Your gut told you that it could be. But your rationality had a hard time figuring out a way for the two to be connected, much less how.

The next day you were surprised to learn that the rest of your family had moved with haste and had somehow, by nothing short of a miracle, had gotten ahold of The Blue Blaze, a speed train meant to expedite moura bride’s travel on the continent that traveled twice as fast as the normal steam trains and had somehow bypassed every other train, even the Orient Express trains, which were delayed by half a day so that The Blue Blaze could pass and supersede them and you felt like you were being led to the gallows the way you had been immediately prepared for your family’s arrival and your nerves were beyond frayed and you were consumed with anxiety because your gut was screaming at you that you needed to flee now before you could face your mother’s shame that you had been defeated in only a year and a half. Moura’s were bred and prepared to live in circumstances much graver than yours had been and come out rather unscathed after decades of “mistreatment”. You felt your mother especially would be extra harsh on you and you had only been able to speak barely a word about it to Amara who seemed immediately aware of your unease and had asked you about it back at the palace as you were waiting for the carriages to come around and take you to the station.

“Why are you so anxious?” Axal asked as he noticed you were pacing the platform, wringing your hands and double checking your jewelry to make sure it laid right as you silently prayed to all the gods who would listen as the Raymonds and all their guests were waiting for the train to come at the station. You were actively ignoring the stares from others on the platform because you were dressed in your traditional clothes as a proper sultana from perhaps Constantinople or the Middle East or even India instead of an English lady and you looked and felt even more foreign here now than you did when you first came two years ago. You felt lost and like you didn’t really belong anywhere. You felt you didn’t belong here in England and you didn’t belong in Dorierra either. You felt like you were homeless and homesick for a place that was neither Dorierra or England. You were excited to see who else might have been coming but you were agonizing over the unknown of how they would react on seeing you again and anxious to know how they would react once they learned the truth of what had happened and to know that you lost to one of the moura's oldest foes.

“I’m not the same woman I was when I left, I’ve been...I’ve been wounded and I’ve been trying to heal but...the wounds that are the hardest to heal from are the ones that no one can see.” You tried to tell him as even Demsey was watching you, wishing he could offer you some kind of aid or comfort as you were clearly distressed. Even Ramsey seemed anxious but he was practically ignoring you and almost glued to his mother while Charlotte was completely oblivious to the plight as she and Zax continued to talk as even Jane felt sympathy for you as Rian kept her company nearby, since Charlotte and Jane kept each other company while Axal kept you company, even choosing to pace with you a little bit, so that you weren’t the only one doing so.

“Do you know why Audra seems as tight as a bow string?” Demsey murmured to his sister Amara who was standing closest to him.

“Apparently, when Audra left, she was similar in many ways to Bennie, Audra is self conscious that her mother will be displeased to see how much she’s changed and think that the changes were not for the better.” Amara murmured to her brother.

“Surely once her mother learns of what she’s gone through, she will have some understanding, and if her mother thinks she’s changed for the worst, she will need to have her head examined. Because Bennie plays to Sierge the way an actress plays to the adoring masses. Audravienne is actually genuine and authentic.” Demsey tried to reason as Amara smiled at her brother’s discernment.

“When I came to check in on her, she was having an attack of anxiety and panic about it. According to Calla, Audra’s mother is...demanding and exacting. Not necessarily soft or all that motherly. And what’s more is Audra’s father isn’t even her father.” Amara murmured, having wanted to tell her brother about this but not getting an opportunity beforehand.

“What do you mean?” Demsey asked.

“Apparently the stables are as their name implies, moura women are dames, moura men are studs, and the stable masters decide who breeds who, on any given day in order to improve genetics. Audra told me that she has two fathers, a house father, or the father who presided over her home and is for all intensive purposes married to her mother and raised her and her siblings as his own. But her heir father or the father who sired her, is someone else, someone who is popular among the stables because he throws the ideal that Audra seems to embody. The way a white mare will throw color onto a foal. Audra told me that her heir father has fathered thousands of children and he never once even learned Audra’s name. I got the impression that they were very estranged. That’s why Axal and Audra look like the twins they are but Rian and Zax look nothing like them, they all have different hier fathers but the same mother.” Amara revealed to her siblings who seemed to gravitate around them.

“Is that true?” Kiera asked Leumeni before Calla approached since she had overheard her name.

“Yeah. Audra’s father is known as the Buttercup Stud. Every kid he has the closest to “the breed standard”, sadly, just like horses or dogs are bred to conform to a standard, the stables are overrun with him and his offspring.” Leumeni reluctantly confirmed.

“Would I ever have to... ?” Kiera asked.

“No, never, over my dead body, any bride who is not moura who comes into Dorierra is automatically disqualified from ever having to be involved in the stables part of Dorierra.” Leumeni finished for her as Amara realized the two had grown that close already but either Leumeni wasn’t being completely honest or you had been over exaggerating, which didn’t seem likely as Demsey seemed to catch onto Amara’s alarm as even he was surprised by Kiera’s interaction with Leumeni as he blinked in surprise at her and gave her meaningful look which she quickly and almost guiltily avoided.

“What’s going on?” Calla asked as she came over with Tzane.

“We’re trying to figure out why Audra’s anxious.” Amara informed her.

“Oh, it’s because of Audra’s mother, her mother, Sultana Jodhaa Lilita, is one of the most beautiful women in the world, but in marinai there’s a term, it means “tiger mother” in the most direct translation. But it means that the mother is demanding and pushes her children for very high levels of achievement and always towards perfection, to the point anything less than perfection is not allowed, much less accepted and severely punished. She makes my mother look like a kind, soft, warm hug with a blanket compared to her. Hell, I’m anxious. Lilita can cut you down to your kidneys with just a look. Much less a word. She can weigh and measure kings and they would be found wanting in her eyes. The only kind, soft mother figure in Audra’s life is actually her heir father’s wife, Maradiem, something of a step mom I guess? In English? But I sincerely doubt she will be coming, or her heir father for that matter, I doubt he could be bothered. Now Audra’s father Sullimon Akbar, he’s wonderful. Firm but gentle and kind and honestly the ideal father.” Calla breathed but the sound of the train coming into the station pulled their attention back as Demsey watched as you seemed to stand extra rigidly as you seemed almost frozen in fear as he was ready to march back to Windsor and go ahead and get Heavencrest geared up for you. You had clearly been through hell and if your family thought they could come here and judge you harshly for it, they were going to be in for a rude awakening, he wouldn’t stand for this and neither should you. He needed to shield you from this. He didn’t know how but he was determined.

Meanwhile Ramsey was in a similar state of panic, he could see your own anxiety as his own whirled within him. He had heard from his mother that your own was a “typical” moura mother, meaning, harsh, demanding perfection, and not exactly soft, kind, understanding or sympathetic like his own, but rather, like his father, and he worried what kind of scrutiny he would undergo himself.

The moment came and your tears flooded your vision at seeing your mother and your house father again as you did your best to bow and greet them respectfully, but you had barely lowered yourself an inch before your mother, uncharacteristically, practically ran to you, grabbed you up and held you fast, hugging you so hard your back popped, which you weren’t expecting. Nor were you expecting her to be crying too. Along with your Papa who also hugged you from the back so that you were effectively sandwiched between them before you just broke down crying, relinquishing yourself to their arms as you noticed that even your grandmothers, Loreiris, who was your mother’s mother and your house father’s mother, Rahelle were here too as they tried to squeeze in and hug you too, which you happily did.

“You are just as beautiful as the last time we saw you.” Your mother cried into your shoulder, before you noticed your hier father- Cory, and his wife- Maradiem and their other children, your half siblings and Cory's own mother, the Jade Sultana- Anavia, standing next to them, wearing their more traditional elven clothes.

“Father,” you greeted formally after wiping your eyes and greeting him respectfully and traditionally, as you were taught.

“No formalities here Audravienne.” He gently cooed to you as he hugged you too. For one of the few times in your life and for the first time, using your name to do so as all of you were once again, brought to tears at being reunited as Maradiem huged you just as tightly as your own mother had as even your heir grandmother hugged you tight as did your “hier siblings”, never in your life did you expect to see everyone in your family, nor their warm greeting, but you would be lying if you tried to deny that you didn't want or need it.

“I thought…” Demsey began before Calla cut him off.

“Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s the first time he’s ever called her by her name, even when she was leaving to wed Edward, he didn’t use her name.” Calla murmured to them as she and was effectively shocked before you introduced their hosts as they greeted Yalin and Gregori, giving them many gifts, in thanks for inviting them and hosting them as Gregori happily took the swords with pleasure while Yalin happily accepted all the jewelry, feeling like she was suddenly carrying fifty pounds of gold and jewels before Yalin and Gregori had to hire all the available carriages at the station to bring everyone back as you were squished between your mother and your housefather as your mother held you the way you had always needed her to and once back at the palace, your family insisted on talking with you privately which Yalin and Gregori opened up one of the audience rooms for your family as all of you filed in and the doors were shut, leaving Bennie and Calla and their siblings and the Voyambi’s on the other side as Calla and Bennie pressed their ears to the door while Yalin and Gregori, Ramsey, Charlotte pressed their ears to the other doors on the other side of the room while Jane sat anxiously by, worrying about what was going to happen next.

“What happened? Why are you a shakan?” Your mother implored in marinai as she held your hands in yours.

“Because of the abuse Mama.” You answered honestly.

“What abuse? The contract should have shielded you from any and all abuse, tell me.” Your mother warmly invited.

“I was alienated, persecuted, beaten, raped, poisoned, forced to drink mourkatili by the gallon.” You began before everyone gasped in outrage.

“And did you kill them for trying to kill you?!” Your mother demanded.

“No, I could not repay any of it. All I could do is gather all the evidence I could that it was happening in the first place. They poisoned their own father with Jade’s Crown, it made him go crazy! He would be himself during the day and a violent madman at night and I was locked away with him like a prisoner, three months after I married him, he could not hide it from me anymore and once he showed it, it just got worse and worse. Then when it became apparent that he would die soon, they poisoned me with cyanide and mourkatili, it was in everything, even the water I bathed in so that they could bury me with him. In only a month I was addicted to it, I was constantly drunk and my kidneys bled into my urine, my colon bled into my stool. By gums bled into my mouth. It took me five months to wean off of it without going crazy myself.” You explained as Bennie and Calla shrunk down on the other side of the door, both of them holding their hands over their mouths to keep them from throwing up as tears streaked down their faces.

“What are they saying?” Amara pressed.

“The Morrigans made her drink mourkatilli.” Bennie answered as she wiped at her eyes, her tears streaking her eye makeup and staining her handkerchief as she and Calla both shuddered at the very thought.

“Mouras, more or less, are immune to every kind of poison. To give moura a shot of cyanide, it’s like giving yourself a shot of whiskey. It can get you drunk, and make you sick if you drink too much, but not unless you drink amounts that would kill a village, you’ll recover, you’ll have a hangover, but you’ll be ok eventually right? However a millenia ago, there was the poison of poisons that was made, a poison that would kill anything and everything, including and especially a moura. Mourkatili means “moura killer”. Before the gold plague the only thing that could kill a moura was battle, very old age or a broken heart. We were immune to everything else, until mourkatili was invented. Only it behaves like whiskey laced with morphine or laudinoum or opium or any other very addictive drug, for a moura- it’s better than morphine, better than laudinum, better than opium, better than sex, better than anything and everything. It’s both sweet like candy, yet zesty like orange juice and numbing like morphine, but it makes a moura body bleed, it’s killed countless moura babes still in the womb, when their mother’s bodies choose between saving the baby or saving itself, the body will always choose the latter. It’ll make a moura mother instantly abort a baby, no matter the stage of pregnancy, but that baby will be dead before it’s birthed. It makes your gums bleed around your teeth, it makes your throat bleed, it makes your stomach bleed, it just makes everything bleed but it also makes the blood in your own mouth taste like chocolate. It’s the very first poison mouras are trained at the stables to detect because one sip could either kill you, or turn you into an addict and you kill yourself trying to chase the high it gives you. It’s the single biggest danger to a moura’s life and health and with such a dose, Audra’s internal organs probably look like they’ve been shot with a bird shot and the chances of her mothering a child after this will be especially hard, if not impossible for her. No wonder the stable masters didn’t let her come back and gave her the shakan status, because the shame of having an addict in the family is worth killing her for- to preserve the family honor. The Morrigans destroyed her and poisoned her and tried to kill her and it’s a wonder she’s alive. A single drop of it in a well can kill all the inhabitants of a city ten times the size of London. And she...she just told them that they made her drink a gallon of it. That much should have killed her, made her an addict at the very least. Fuck, how is she alive? How is she…?” Calla wept as Bennie and Calla hugged each other as the Voyambi’s stared in horror at each other as Demsey was seeing red, he wanted to run Richard Morrigan through with a thousand swords and make pay with everything he had, including his life for what he did as one look around, Calla and Bennie's brothers were of the same mind as all of them curled their lips in anger and disgust as all of them were heaving mighty breaths as Duke and Duchess Voyambis were even appalled by such knowledge, to know a countryman would behave so.

Meanwhile back inside the audience room-

“It is because I have that proof that they are paying double to me what Edward claimed he could. But the stable masters knew that the chances of my recovery were slim. And I was more trouble than I was worth. So they branded me a shakan and I’ve been alone and by myself ever since. The Morrigans even blocked all messengeraris, all my letters, everything, even after I left them. There was no way for me to tell anyone and they isolated me from every other moura, it wasn’t until only a few weeks ago that Calla left a note inside a book that found its way to me that I was able to find Yalin, and she introduced me to others.” You explained to your family.

“Where are the Morrigan’s now?” Loreiris demanded, drawing her sword as everyone else did the same before Gregori and Yalin hurriedly opened the door as Bennie and Calla did the same, falling over each other to try to get through the door first as all Demsey saw was your whole family have a weapon drawn as they all stared angrily towards you, as you stood there with your hands up, using the universal signal for stop and they didn’t need to think twice, he bolted for you, leaping between Calla and Bennie, thinking they were going to attack but Ramsey managed to get to you first since the door he was overhearing from was closer to you before he pulled you behind him, rather hoping to be run through, so that he wouldn’t have to live without Axal as Demsey was there with him only a couple of seconds later.

“Oh my gods, they’re not after me, they’re wanting revenge on the Morrigans, I told my family what they did to me.” You confessed as you ducked and evaded both of them before Jane burst into tears and sunk down to the floor and you and Rian were the first to her.

“My parents are done for aren’t they?” Jane sobbed.

“Who is this girl?” Your mother demanded.

“This is the Morrigan’s only daughter, who is innocent in all of this. But her parents, as awful and abusive as they are, are the only things between her and living in the street. She was my only friend through all of it and she helped me gather evidence.” You answered as you helped pull her back up to her feet as you consoled her.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if I can have a moment of your time and attention. While it is true that the Morrigans have wronged Sultana Audravienne, they have been under intense investigation for the last few days. A year ago, when the stable masters initially investigated this matter, they found solid evidence of wrongdoing and have kept that evidence, and they attempted to resolve this matter, thus the current contract that she has with them and the Morrigans. If you wish to legally press charges and wish to sue for damages and accuse them of whatever they might be guilty of, that can be arranged. But if you attempt to kill them in revenge, you will be wanted for murder which will spark a war. Right now, we must do things the proper way here in England. But this will take time. Up to a few weeks at least, maybe even a month. For now, settle in, come together, enjoy being reunited with Audravienne. There is a masquerade ball in only two days, and it will take us about a week but there has been a request for a proper Kamoba battle, which we will gladly host here. Let the tempers flare in the Komoba battle so that in court, we can all keep our composure and our heads and our wits. I will have the best lawyers involved and this matter will be resolved before you depart.” Gregori offered your family which seemed to be the magic words in appeasing them.

“Fine.” Loreiris huffed as she resheathed her sword as did everyone else in your family resheathe their weapons before Axal managed to pull you away from Jane and brought you back over to your family where you received even more hugs and words of encouragement and praise and understanding.

“Are you disappointed?” You asked your mother.

“No, I’m shocked, and I’m angry and very disappointed with the Morrigans. But not with you. You are blameless in this. You survived. You are here and you have persevered against mourkatilli which is a battle far too many lose to. No. I am proud of you. So proud of you. Since you are free of mourkatili now, we will have those masters reevaluate you. You will be coming home. Never again will an Englishman be in any position of authority over you and never again will you suffer at the hands of anyone, lest of all an Englishman. No, no child of mine will ever marry an Englishman after this” Your mother insisted as she said the word “Englishman” with particular hate and disdain and disgust As Yalin, Calla and Bennie all winced and grimaced as they gave each other meaningful looks.

“We’re screwed.” Yalin murmured worriedly to her husband before she translated your mother’s words to him.

“Oh I wouldn’t worry about it. Richard Morrigan has practically dug his own grave, all we need to do is prove he is the only Englishman who is like himself before we let himself bury himself in it before Audravienne is awarded everything he has and thus we will come to have everything he has. We can prove that we are different and that Audravienne would be treated very well here. Ramsey is up to the task to prove he is different.” Gregori returned confidently as Yalin looked from Gregori to Ramsey who looked particularly terrified of the idea as Ramsey looked to Axal who looked particularly anxious with his mother’s words as well.

“Mama, not all Englishmen are like the Morrigans.” You gently countered, thinking of Demsey Voyambi more than anyone.

“I mean the Raymonds, your hosts, act the opposite to the Morrigans, they have been very kind, welcoming and hospitable, they invited you here haven’t they? They are hosting us aren’t they? And they offered to help us. They are good people.” You tried to intercede for Axal’s sake as Axal blew out a breath of relief and gave you a look of gratitude and appreciation as Yalin too was giving you a grateful look.

“It is the Dauphin that has made us coming together possible and you just heard with your own ears what they are about to do for us. We can not snub them or begrudge them. They are innocent in all of this. Let us see how it plays out.” You desperately pleaded.

“What is Audra saying?” Gregori whispered.

“Audra is interceding for us.” Yalin proudly revealed.

“Excellent. Knew she would.” Gregori insisted.

“And you must make sure that her confidence is well founded and must be richly rewarded.” Gregori insisted to Ramsey.

“Yes, of course.” Ramsey forced a smile and a nod.

"Who are you?" Loreiris demanded as she stood before Demsey and appraised him.

"I'm Duke Demsey Voyambi." He cordially answered.

"Who are you to Audra?" She asked as she searched his eyes.

"A freind." He allowed.

"A friend?" She repeated with a raised brow.

"Yes." He nodded.

"A friend who put himself between her and her family? With a look in your eyes that said that you were about to fight all of us off if we posed a danger to her?" She posed.

"Absolutely. She has suffered more than enough and she should suffer no more, not by anyone's hands, not even those who may or may not share her blood." Demsey insisted as Loreiris mouth quirked a lopsided grin at him.

"A good friend then." She surmised.

"I hope so." Demsey found himself nodding.

"Good. But you should know, that the next time you try that, you will be run through and I have a feeling Audra would prefer you alive, rather than dead. Do not face a blade without the proper protection, or a blade of your own." Loreiris advised cooly before she turned and returned to the others.

#Blood For Gold #Blood For Gold Part 12 #regency era orcs #regency era orc drama #orcs #moura #orc love story

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minniemixe · 5 years ago

Text

Beauty And The Beast

Gangster AU

Stray Kids Fanfic

Chan x Reader

Other Appearances: GOT7 BTS

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Angst, Blood, Death, Voilence, Language, Smut, Homosexuality, Making out

Beauty and the Beast Masterlist

Chapter 7

“YOU!!!” Moon exclaimed, eyes wide open “Uhhh hi” he awkwardly smiled trying to avoid eye contact “Wait, you two know each other?” Mavis asked, pointing between the two “In this moment I wish I didn’t” Moon grumbled “Oh feelings are mutual” he whispered under his breath “C’mon sis, he’s a nice guy, he treats me really good” Mavis tried to lighten the mood “Yeah? By lying to you?” Moon said “What do you mean?” Mavis asked “Didn’t you just say that you’re the only one he sleeps with?” Moon raised a brow “Ba -Mavis let me explain, it’s not-I-” “Don’t, just, don’t.” Mavis said calmly “Bu-” he started “Give it up. And with all due respect. Get lost” Moon glared at him “I’m sorry” he whispered before walking away, seconds later the door closed

“You okay?” Moon asked cautiously “I’m hungry, what about you?” Mavis simply replied “Yeah, what are you having?” “I came back yesterday, my fridge is empty, wanna order takeout? Or do you prefer going out?” “I’m good with anything. Whatever you prefer, I came to spend time with you” Moon smiled “Let’s go out, it’s been long.” Mavis said enthusiastically “Yeah last we went was my 18th birthday, I’m turning 23 at the end of this year” “Gosh you’re an oldie and still a virgin” Mavis stuck her tongue out “Yeahwellunlikeyouatleastimnotsingle” Moon grumbled under her breath “I have no idea what you said there but I’m gonna assume that was you complaining about not being able to fulfil all your kinky and dark not to mention sadistic fantasies” she said running away “Get back here you little shit” Moon said chasing after her

“I’ll call the Uber, where are we going?” Mavis said “No need, I have a car” Moon said dangling the car keys in front of her sister’s face “About time you got one. Late night sisters drives are long overdue” Mavis said walking out the door “Don’t get too excited, it’s my boyfriend’s” Moon replied as the two got in the elevator “When the heck did you get a boyfriend” “Yesterday” “And you’re already using his car. Is he your boyfriend or sugar daddy?” Mavis spoke sarcastically “You do realize that’s not how sugar daddies work right” “But you’re not denying it” Mavis wiggled her brows “I really can’t with you” Moon shook her head “Damn, the guy owns an Audi, no wonder he’s your boyfriend” Mavis spoke dramatically “What do you take me for?” “Gold digger?” her sister replied more of a question “I’m not you” Moon simply said getting in the car, her sister following suit “Where are we going though?” “Like old times” Moon replied driving away

“I still can't believe the ice-cream machine was broken” Mavis complained as the two sisters sat on the car’s hood parked on the hill “It’s McDonalds, what did you expect” Moon shrugged “Don’t even know at this point” she laughed “Hey! At least we got the chocolate shake” Moon nudged her sister, taking a bite of her burger “Yeah” she laughed. A comfortable silence filled the air as the two admired the city view from the hilltop “So how long have you had a boyfriend and why was I not informed about this” Mavis striked up a conversation “Since when do I report back to you?” Moon replied sarcastically “I’m just saying, he’s your first boyfriend, and as your sister, I should be the first one to know” “You’re making me sound like a nerd” Moon whined “Well it is true, you’ve always had your nose in computers and games, never really went out and had fun” “I preferred it that way” she shrugged “Too much internet and violent video games have not done you any good” “Excuse me” Moon said an octave higher “You’re like the female version of Christain Grey and please don’t get me started on how you explained to Nay what you’d do to your supposed enemies” Mavis shivered “You should know the reason” “I do, but that’s not you, you’re just letting it get to your head” “I wish that was true but it’s not. I even scare myself sometimes. These thoughts and urges, it’s fucking crazy, I’m a monster” “Would you ever hurt me? Would you hurt mom, Nay, or anyone dear to you for that matter?” “Why are you asking tha-” “You won’t, that’s the answer. You care, you care so much. I know you think you don’t, that you’re just a heartless monster, but I know you’re not. You pretend that you don’t care, but you do, you show others that their words or actions don’t hurt, but deep down you know that’s not the case. You’re not a monster, you’re my sister, you’re the responsible caring adult who’s always been there no matter what. You’re a warrior if anything, I love you. Please don’t ever call yourself a monster. You’re not. If anything, he’s the monster” Mavis said gripping her sister’s hand tightly “But I want to hurt people. I want to watch them suffer” “Who? The ones who’ve wronged you? So what, it’s only natural, who doesn’t want to watch such people suffer” “But I-” “No buts. You know I’m right” “I guess you are, I mean you got the sadistic part right” Moon smirked “I- dear lord” “I blame Fifty Shades of Grey for that” Moon shrugged “Well you are the female version of Christain Grey so yeah” “Hhmm, you’re not wrong, I guess the only difference is that, I not only want to inflict pain, I want it to be inflicted on me as well. And much much worse than the movie. I want to feel that pain, as fucked up as it sounds, I find that pain pleasurable, more so than the sensual touches” Moon explained “You’re saying that like you’ve experienced it” Mavis looked at her confused. “Maybe I have” Moon simply shrugged thinking back to all the training sessions she had with Chan. How being punched and thrown around by Chan was much more exciting than the brief touches on her bare waist when he’d help her. “I’m not even gonna ask” Mavis looked away “Hey you’re the one who called me Christian grey, I’m just agreeing with you by stating facts” “Exactly why you shouldn’t worry about anything” “I’m confused” “You’re agreeing with me. Yeah Christian Grey was a sadist, he had issues, but once he got it out of his system, met the right person, he overcame it. He realized he was a better person. And just like him, once you get it out of your system, maybe you’ll feel better. And one day, someone will come along, who’ll accept you the way you are and won’t care about your issues, rather help you” Mavis explained. Moon just looked at her sister, surprised at the fact that everything she said indeed made sense. “When did you get so smart?” Moon nudged her, laughing “One of us has to when the other won’t” Mavis stuck her tongue “Not so fast there, I haven’t interrogated you yet” “What for?” Mavis asked confused “Let’s start from, where you met that duffer” Moon said “Oh him? We met at a club, one too many drinks led to a wild night” “And just like that, you decided to become friends with benefits?” “Not really, we exchanged numbers and carried on with our lives, occasionally hooking up. Hooking up turned into hanging out. He was really a sweet guy. It was a nice friendship until he confessed an-” “HE CONFESSED?” Moon exclaimed “Let me finish. I rejected him, saying I wasn’t interested in relationships. Pretty clishĕ if you ask me. At first it was awkward but then we simply forgot about it, I really thought our friendship was going somewhere. He told me he wanted to ‘officially’ become friends with benefits where we’d only sleep with other, but apparently he lied” she explained “Did he ever bring up his feelings again?” Moon asked “By his actions, all the time, he got possessive sometimes, other times, he would do sweet things. Verbally, once, when he showed up drunk to my apartment. But he was too wasted to remember anything the next morning so I kept my mouth shut. I was thinking of giving him a chance though. I felt too bad for rejecting him when he was so sweet to me” “I never knew he had the ability to be nice” Moon grumbled “I guess I made him wait too long, he got tired” Mavis sighed “No, NO, just no. You’re not taking the blame for this. You weren’t ready for something, he should’ve understood. And if he expected you to be loyal, then he should’ve been too. He’s the jerk here” “Jerk move, sure, but I wouldn’t call him a jerk” “Do you like him?” Moon asked seriously “Maybe, I just thought that maybe, for once someone was willing to accept me despite my flaws. I told him about dad. I never thought I’d open up about that to anyone but you. He was so amazing and understanding, and I couldn’t help it. I guess I ruined it by my stubbornness” Mavis said, as a tear rolled down her cheek “Are you crying? Mavis no, this isn’t your fault” she said getting closer to Mavis, hugging her “I just, dad’s behaviour always got to me and I always thought that if my own father never wanted me, how could someone else”. Moon’s blood boiled with anger, she wanted to just march up to the man and kill him, but she couldn’t knowing that her sister had feelings for the said man “I know the feeling, trust me I know. Why do you think I was single all this time, I thought the same thing. But once I let it go, it got a little easier, not much but a little bit. Stop thinking about dad, honestly, I know it's easier said than done, but let it go. You’ve come so far, don’t let him bring you down” Moon said stroking Mavis’s hair “You think he’ll come back?” she asked “I don’t know, if he really has strong feelings for you, he might” Moon answered looking away “Oh no, I know that look, don’t you dare, you’re not getting involved in this” Mavis said sternly “He made you cry, I’m gonna kill him, try and stop me” “I’ve been sensitive these days, I cry over everything. Don’t hurt him please” “He’s still getting a piece of my mind” Moon glared “Just let him stay in one piece” “I’ll try. No promises” “Of all days, you had to visit today” Mavis shook her head, making Moon laugh.

Moon had dropped Mavis back at her apartment and was now parked outside her place. She was happy to have spent time with her sister but she couldn’t help but let her emotions get the better of her. Taking a deep breath, Moon calmed herself, knowing that if she got emotional, the situation would get worse than it needed to be. However calming down seemed to be a failed option, because as soon as she stepped foot in the living room, her blood boiled. Snatching the fruit knife from Anna’s hand Moon leaped at Hyunjin, she pushed him onto the couch and put the knife against his throat, “Give me one good reason,why I shouldn’t kill you right now” she gritted, glaring at him “I-” he started “This better be good Hwang, my control is at its peak” “Moon, what is this about” Minho asked “Stay out of it, I swear anyone gets in my way, I won’t hesitate to-” her voice cracked. Moon knew she was scared, scared of what she’d do if she lost control, scared she’d do something she’d regret for the rest of her life. And everyone could see it. “Moon, please calm down, don’t do something rash” Bree said cautiously moving towards her “But he-” “Whatever he did, I’m sure you guys can talk it out. Doing this will only hurt you, put the knife down, he’s hurt” El spoke pointing at Hyunjin’s bleeding neck “Not as much as my sister” she gritted, her knuckles turning white from the tight grip on the knife “What’s going on?” Chan questioned as he, Seungmin and Jeongin entered the living room “I’m sorry” Hyunjin said barely above a whisper “Why? I don’t understand. I know you, or at least I thought I did” Moon asked, her grip loosening “I couldn’t help it” he said avoiding eye contact “WHat the hell is going on? Moon put the knife down” Chan ordered “Stay out of this Chan, you don’t know what’s going on” Moon replied harshly “No I will NOT. You’re hurting my brother” Chan said moving forward, grabbing Moon’s wrist “But he hurt my sister, I’m sure you would’ve done the same” Moon glared at Chan “And you! She really thought you were different from the other asshats she’d been with. She even opened up to you, and you just-and the worst part is she blames herself. I hope you feel great about yourself” Moon looked at Hyunjin. She forcefully released her wrist from Chan’s grip, threw the bloody knife at his feet and stormed out. Hyunjin let out a breath and buried his head in his hands. “I’ll go talk to her” Chan spoke and left

"Care to explain?" Chan snapped at Moon as soon as he entered her room "Chan please leave me alone, I'm not in the mood" she replied lying on her bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling "You almost killed Hyunjin, and you expect me to just leave you alone, I'm not going anywhere without an explanation" "The only person who deserves an explanation right now is me, from Hyunjin. Once we clear it up, you'll know" she sat up glaring at him "Whatever the case, you had no case to be insensitive towards him" "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, all I asked was for an explanation, there was nothing insensitive about it" she said, her voice raising "You said it to his face that he'd never understand since he was an only child" "The fuck Bang?! I never said that" "When you said and I quote 'But he hurt my sister, I’m sure you would’ve done the same'. Isn't that what you were insinuating?" He raised a brow "Are even hearing yourself right now? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? I WOULD NEVER. I ONLY SAID IT TO YOU, SO YOU'D BACK OFF" she shouted at him "WHY ARE YOU BEING SO STUBBORN?" "I'M NOT BEING STUBBORN, MY SISTER CRIED BECAUSE OF HIM, AND WORST PART IS THAT SHE BLAMED HERSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP WHATEVER THE TWO HAD, AND YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO SIT AROUND. TELL ME CHRIS, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?" “OH GOSH YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER" regret took over him just as fast as those words left his mouth. In the two and half years of knowing each other, Moon had never shown emotions this clearly. She was good at masking her emotions. As soon as those words left his mouth, Moon's eyes twitched and the amount of hurt present in her eyes shook Chan to the core. But as quickly as the emotions flashed in her eyes, they disappeared just as quick. Her eyes turned ice cold, just like they had been when she started living with them. "Moon I-" he started "I get it. Don't, you have nothing to explain, I've known it all along. No matter how much I want to deny it, his blood indeed runs through my veins. So thank you Chris for clearing it up for me." His name sounding foreign "That's not what I me-" he couldn't finish his sentence, Moon had walked out past him.

After the fight broke between Moon and Chan, things had been very weird. She didn’t necessarily ignore anyone or was rude, just distant. It was like the days when she had joined, barely talked to anyone and just did what was asked of her, she never missed her training sessions or when they had to go out for missions. “Hey!” said Jisung as he entered the kitchen “Hey” Moon replied from the stool she was sitting on “What are you doing?” he asked taking a seat next to her peeking at her laptop screen “Uh no-nothing” she stuttered trying to hide the screen from him. It was too late, he had already seen the screen and his eyes were blown wide. Unfortunately for Moon, Hyunjin had entered the kitchen just in time to see Jisung’s bewildered expression. “You’re leaving?” Jisung asked, barely above a whisper “She’s what?” Hyunjin asked “Leaving” Jisung answered loudly this time “Why?” Hyunjin questioned “It’s complicated, I can’t stay here” she answered vaguely “Were you going to tell us or were just gonna leave” Jisung looked at her with sad doe eyes “I’m sorry, I thought it would’ve been best if I left quietly, I don’t want anyone to talk me out of it” contrary to her claim, her decision was wavering just by looking at the sad expression on Jisung’s face. Hyunjin decided to exit the scene, not wanting to anger Moon by voicing his opinion. Ever since that day, he had tried to steer clear of Moon, even though her anger had cooled down and she was feeling extremely guilty for blowing up on him like that. Hyunjin wanted to apologize to her and just clear everything up but he knew if he brought up the topic, Moon would want an explanation, something he couldn’t bring himself to give. “Sung please don't make that face, you know I can’t resist it” she smiled weakly at him “I’m not doing it on purpose, I can’t bear the fact of you leaving, or any of us for that matter, if they found out” he replied “Please don’t tell them. I don’t want to create a scene” she pleaded “Why not, they deserve to know” “I know, I know, I’ll tell them when the time comes. I still have 4 months. For now just pretend you don’t know, that you never saw this” “Can I atleast know why” “It’s complicated, lets just say me staying will only hurt you guys, I’m unstable” she sighed “Why? Because you shouted at Hyunjin, or how you killed that man 3 days ago? You think those things make you unstable? Moon, you’re a fucking gangster, and you acting like one isn’t ‘unstable’. Ask anyone they’ll say the same thing” “It’s not just that, its-” she started “Hyunjin? Look I don’t know what happened between him and your sister, but I know for a fact that your reaction was justified. I know he would’ve done the same. He probably even would've killed, you didn’t, you were scared, you know that, we all could see it. You’re just scared that you might lose control” Jisung spoke “But doesn’t that make me unstable? Not knowing when I might lose it, what I might end up doing. I don’t want any of you near me if that ever happens, I’m afraid of becoming the monster I’ve always feared” “I get you, I can’t understand your reasons, but I get where you’re coming from. Everything you’ve been through, obviously it had an effect on you, but in the end it’s up to you isn’t it. It’s up to you to make you. Are you going to let your past define you? Are you going to let someone else’s mistakes take control of your actions? You can’t let your past control your present and ruin your future. I know it's easier said than done but Moon, you’re not alone, not anymore” “Do you really think I can get better? Do you think I can get rid of that hatred inside me? The hatred I have for myself” Moon asked, eyes desperate. Even she didn’t know what the desperation was for but it was there. “You can.” Hyunjin answered from behind her before Jisung could say anything “Were you eavesdropping?” Jisung asked “Sorry I couldn’t help it, I wanted to leave but I wanted to know the reason” he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck “It’s okay, I’m glad you were listening, I don’t want you thinking I’m leaving because of you” Moon smiled at him “Everything you’re feeling, I know it, I know it all too well” Hyunjin said taking a seat next to the two “What do you mean?” she asked him confused “Hatred, the hatred you have for yourself. There must be a reason for it, do you know it?” Hyunjin questioned “I-I don’t know, I guess I just hate myself for being my father’s daughter. For having his blood run through my veins, the blood that makes me the same as him. I hate myself for hurting people, especially the ones I’m close to” she replied “Who have you ever hurt to make yourself hate you” Jisung said “I hurt you, if I had better control, maybe things would’ve been different, maybe Chan and I wouldn’t have fought. He was right you know, when he said I’m just like my father, but the tragic part is, I’m so much worse than him.” Moon replied looking at Hyunjin “Not necessarily, ultimately that’s for you to decide” Jisung spoke “How come?” Moon asked “His blood may run through your veins but it doesn’t define you, that blood doesn’t decide your actions for you. You’re the one who has control over them, your blood doesn’t determine your personality, it doesn’t represent you as a person, that again is up to you, you’re the one who has the power to define yourself, not his blood” Hyunjin said “That’s the thing, I don’t have control, even if I had it, it’s falling out of my grasp” “That’s it. You’ve practically figured it out, you just need to dig a little deeper and you’ll be there” Jisung pointed out “What do you mean?” she asked confused “Control. You said you had it but now you’re losing it. There must be a reason, you held on for so long, why is it now that you’re losing it, something must’ve triggered it” Jisung explained “Come to think of it, that makes sense” Moon spoke, lost in thought “Do you think you know what might have caused it?” Jisung asked “Me” Hyunjin spoke before Moon could answer “No, I admit you could’ve been the one to trigger my pent up anger but it wasn’t you” Moon said putting the puzzle pieces together “You seemed pretty scary though” Hyunjin chuckled “Sorry” Moon smiled sheepishly “No it’s alright, you had every reason to, I’d have done the same” Hyunjin said “Do you know the reason then?” Jisung questioned “I think so” Moon said “What could it be” Hunjin asked, Moon sighed before speaking “A few years back someone tried to rape me” Moon closed her eyes trying to ignore the horid memories “Hey, you don’t have to talk about it, it’s alright” Hyunjin squeezed her hand “No, it’s alright. It’s time I let it out. I’ve held onto it for so long, thinking I could forget it, but I never could, it’s always at the back of my mind. Maybe if I do this, I’ll finally be able to let it go” she answered “Don’t push yourself, I know the feeling all too well. If you can’t, we completely understand” Hyunjin softly smiled at her “Thanks, it’s alright” Moon smiled, taking a deep breath she started explaining “That’s why I guess I was angry, I saw him the day I decided to visit my parents and everything just came crashing back, he completely ruined my life and disappeared into thin air. And then he had the audacity to walk back into my house claiming he has feelings for me. If Chan wasn’t there I’d have killed him” Moon finished “As you should’ve, the bastard deserved it” Jisung spoke “Seeing him again triggered all those suppressed feelings?” Hyunjin asked “Yeah and it was fucked up and I felt angry at myself because I spent years looking for him, eventually giving up. But he showed up at my house so easily” “Who showed up where?” Seungmin asked as he entered the kitchen “Long story dude, you came here too late” Moon laughed “But just in time, help us convince her into staying” Hyunjin said “SHE’S LEAVING” Seungmin shouted “Why don’t you announce it on a loudspeaker” Moon spoke sarcastically “Sorry but what the hell is going on” Seungmin asked “Take a seat, you’re in for a long one” Moon said gesturing to one of the empty bar stools near her seat. “I can help you find him. I mean it’s better if more than one person does it, odds are we might be able to locate him that way” Seungmin said once the three explained the whole story to him. “Yeah and you don’t have to leave either, I’m sure together we’ll work something out” Jisung said “That’s sweet of you, and I’ll think about it. Thank you guys, I really needed that” Moon smiled at the three boys “Ofcourse, and if you ever need to talk about anything we’re always here. That’s what family is for” Hyunjin smiled at her “I don’t want to overstep my boundaries here, but what happened between you and Chan, the two of you have been really weird lately” Seungmin questioned “Uhm, I’m not sure, we kinda argued and I guess we haven’t talked much since then” Moon shrugged “You seem a lot distant from him lately, did he say something?” Jisung asked “Nothing big, it was just a little argument and he wasn’t wrong either, he only defended you” she smiled looking at Hyunjin “There really wasn’t anything to defend me on, what I did was wrong” Hyunjin said “Well at first I thought so too but I guess I was unintentionally insensitive, so he was right” she said “When?” Seungmin aksed “When I told Chan he’d do the same if it was his sister, I was kinda just throwing it in his face that he wouldn’t understand since he was an only child. I was quite angry so I didn’t realize I was being disrespectful and I kinda fought Chan because of that as well, but when I calmed down, I realized I was wrong as well” she explained “I can see why he was so worked up” Jisung mumbled “What?” she asked not quite catching what he said “What happened between your sister and I was partially because I’m an only child” Seungmin and Jisung looked at him wide eyed as soon as those words left his mouth “I take full responsibility, what I did was really messed up but I guess I couldn’t help it. It’s just that for the first time I felt that someone was willing to have something with me other than a sexual relationship. I felt comfortable with her and I felt accepted despite my flaws, so somewhere along the line, I started developing feelings. I was- actually am willing to wait for her but I guess my urge and guilt took better of me and I couldn’t stay true to my word” Hyunjin continued. “What do you mean guilt? And what did you mean by ‘because of being an only child’?” she questioned. Hyunjin took a deep breath before talking “I had a twin sister” he said “Hyun, you don’t have to-” Seungmin started “It’s okay, maybe like Moon said holding onto it isn’t going to help” Hyunjin smiled “There’s no pressure, I can sense this something sensitive” Moon said “No it’s okay” He smiled and took a deep breath before speaking “Ever since I was young, I was always complimented on my looks, it was flattering at first but then it got annoying and offending too at times. Like how people would say I can do anything because of my looks or how I could simply make money by modeling or something like that and didn’t need to study. They even went to the point where they said that if I couldn’t get into modeling agencies I could always become a pornstar. My sister Yeji, she was literally the only one who always supported me no matter what. She did have similar problems but people were never extreme about it since she was a lot smarter than I was. Jiji and I had a very special bond, not just physical but emotional as well. We always knew if something was wrong with the other. Even physically, if one of us was hurt the other would know immediately. I loved dancing but no one really took me seriously, whenever I’d be practicing, people would often come to me saying, I didn’t need to work so hard because any agency would accept me based on my looks. And God did I fucking hate it. Yeji however was very sassy and was always quick to defend me. She was the one who motivated me into becoming a trainee. Apart from Yeji, the boys were the only true friends I had. I met them back in highschool and they were also very supportive of me having a dance career. They even covered for me when I was missing school because of my trainee schedule. During the end years of my high school I had a very good chance of a solo debut. I was so ecstatic, I felt like I could conquer the world. But life's a bitch and is full of surprises. A fellow trainee of mine was having a hard time with her dancing and asked me to help out. I obviously didn’t think much of it and agreed. For about three weeks we trained together, and we got really close as well. She was the first girl I ever had feelings for. More time in training, she confessed and I really thought nothing could go wrong, but boy was I wrong. The night I lost my virginity to her was the night everything went down. While I was asleep, she took some indecent photos and leaked them on purpose. Later I found out it was all just a fucking joke. My debut was cancelled and my agency terminated my contract. Apparently she and her friends had betted on who could get the hottest trainee to help them with their dance. Bitch thought it would be funny and then betted on getting me into bed. Later when I asked her why she leaked our pictures, she simply said it was a prank and didn’t think it was a big deal anyway. She said and I quote ‘You’re so good looking anyway, it shouldn’t be a problem for you to get into other agencies’. That’s when I gave up. I thought it was pointless, I closed myself off from everyone then just used my body to my pleasure, it was what I was good at apparently. Yeji really pushed me into trying out for a new agency but I had already made up my mind. Then Chan asked us to join his gang and I didn’t really have much to do so I thought why not. Yeji gave up her dream for me as well. I told her not to but she never listened. I promised myself I’d give her everything because of all the things she had done for me. I wanted to give her the world yet I couldn’t even protect her. It was my fault. Every single thing was my fault. If I hadn’t trusted him, if I had my phone with me that night. I’d have known something was up if only I wasn’t-” and he completely broke down, crying loudly. Jisung hugged his body close to his own, whispering soothing things all while his own tears fell down his cheeks. Moon and Seungmin weren’t any better, both were crying looking at Hyunjin’s shaking figure. “It wasn’t your fault, none of us could’ve known he was a spy” Seunmin spoke “But, I could’ve still saved her if I ha-” “Hey, some times, we think that if you were to do something different the outcome could be changed. But if given a chance to redo it, something else would happen and the outcome would remain the same. Some things are just not in our control.” Moon cupped Hyunjin's face to comfort him

3 Years Ago

“HWANG HYUNJIN, YOU’RE SO DEAD!!!” Yeji shouted on top of her lungs, soaking head to toe “Catch me if you can” Hyunjin stuck his tongue out and ran inside locking the backdoor “I’m not having any of your bullshit today” she gritted before taking the gun out and shooting at the door handle “BITCH, ARE YOU CRAZY” he shouted running away from her angry figure “YOU’RE NOT ESCAPING TODAY” she shouted following after him “AAAAHHHHHHH, YOU’RE AN ANIMAL, WHAT THE HELL” Hyunjin shouted running towards his room. “Just you wait, I’ll make you regret that” she said getting closer to him “Woman calm down” he said getting inside his room and locking it “Open the door you asshole” Yeji banged on the door repeatedly “Oi language, I’m older than you” Hyunjin laughed from the inside “By 20 minutes, open the door or else” she said “Or else what” he teased “You better run” she said shooting the door handle again “Jesus Christ what the hell is wrong with you today” he said grabbing her from behind locking her in his arms as she entered the room “Let me go idiot, I’m really not in the mood” Yeji said wiggling in his hold “Not until you tell me what’s bothering you” he said, rocking her side to side. Yeji sighed relaxing in his arms “Can’t I go with you” she asked “Jiji, you know you can’t. The more people, the more dangerous it gets” Hyunjin said, guiding her to his bed “But why, isn’t there another way, where no one goes. It’s dangerous as it is” Yeji sighed “If there was, we’d do that. Now cheer up. Everything is going to be alright” he patted her soaking head “But you better not get hurt.” Yeji warned. Hyunjin smiled, already feeling her mood lifting “Yes ma'am” Hyunjin stuck his tongue out, rummaging through his closet “Put these on” Hyunjin said throwing a pair of hoodie and sweatpants at her “Why the hell did you even think this was a good idea. I could get sick you know" Yeji asked "I made sure the water was warm so no need to worry your highness" Hyunjin replied sarcastically

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“Remind me again why I have to stay in the van?” Yeji asked Chan “Because it’s safer, besides they’re good company” Chan replied pointing towards Seungmin, Jeongin and Anna “You’re kidding right, even Liv is going. C’mon man, I’m not a kid” Yeji whined “I can stay with you if you want” spoke a voice from behind Chan “Dave, man I like you but that doesn’t mean I approve of you and my sister” Hyunjin spoke through the ear piece “C’mon man, don’t be like that” Dave replied laughing “Jiji, I need you out of harm's way, can’t risk you getting hurt, it’ll affect my mission as well” Hyunjin spoke “Boy you’re getting on my nerves” Yeji said sitting back in her seat understanding his concern "I think it's cool to have such a bond with someone" Anna striked up a conversation as the others left "It is but it's terrifying as well. Just feeling your heartbeat rise out of nowhere. Knowing something is up but not knowing what." Yeji replied "I can't imagine what's that like" Seungmin said "Honestly it's just heartache. I can actually feel my heart constrict when Hyunjin gets hurt. And it's so much worse when he's not near me." She replied "Aww Jiji, I didn't know you cared so much" Hyunjin spoke through the earpiece "Shut up. Get back in one piece so I can take care of you" Yeji scowled "I see you're still mad about the water incident" Hyunjin chuckled "Oh just you wait, I'll get you back so good, you'll never think of messing with me again" "That's what you always say" Hyunjin remarked "It must be cool to have a twin, all my brother does is treat me like a kid" Anna complained "You know I can hear you right?" Chan said through the earpiece "Good for you" she grumbled "Y'all should be lucky you're still together. I miss having this with Wonpil. We rarely see each other anymore" Seungmin said "Yeah wel-" Jeongin started "Hyunjin what's wrong?" Yeji said catching everyone's attention "Something doesn't seem right" Hyunjin replied "Jinnie I don't feel good about this, get out of there" Yeji said worriedly "I should be fine, no one knows who I am" Hyunjin said "Please be careful" "I always am princess" "Chan what's the update?" Jeongin asked "We've surrounded the building, no one should be able to get out undetected. Minho, Felix what's the status at the drop-off sight" Chan replied "Not sure, we're still waiting" Minho replied "Chan we're compromised. We might have to exit the building" Woojin said "What do you mean?" Bree asked "There are people coming up here, if we stay on the roof we'll be exposed" El replied "Dave, what's your position?" Jisung questioned "Saw someone exiting from behind the building, was tailing them" Dave replied "Did you identify the person" Liv asked "Male, 5'9, didn't see his face, lost him in the crowd" he replied "Seungmin, anything on the drones?" Changbin asked "Nothing, too suspiciously quiet" the younger told "Fuck!" Came Hyunjin's voice followed by gunshots "HYUNJIN!!!!" Yeji screamed "What's going on?" Chan asked alarmed "It was a fucking trap" Hyunjin said

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"They knew, I don't know how but they knew" Hyunjin said, now everyone back and alive "They probably saw it coming because of what happened 2 months ago" Chan deduced "Still, it doesn't make sense, how did they recognize me?" Hyunjin said confused "Did you see someone you've met before?" Minho asked "No. That's the alarming part." "Maybe someone was there, behind the cameras who recognized you? There is a possibility. Many of the top gangs were present there, so security was bound to be tight" Dave reasoned "Still, something doesn't seem right. This was very carefully planned, it seems too suspicious to have failed just like that" Yeji eyed Dave "We'll have to look into it. But for the meantime, lay low." Chan said, dismissing everyone

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"Ah fuck baby, just like that" Hyunjin moaned as the girl sunk down on his hard length. She whined grinding down on him. "C'mon baby, show me what you got" he groaned guiding her hips over his own. "Faster baby" Hyunjin breathed, thrusting up into her wet hole. "I'm so close sir" the girl moaned, riding him fast, chasing her high. "Cum for me baby" he groaned, desperate to reach his own high as well. "Fuck" he groaned feeling her clench around him tightly ."Ahh" the girl moaned, releasing around him, triggering his own orgasm. Hyunjin released in the latex with a deep groan, his thrusts slowing down as the overstimulation kicked in. Getting off of him, she lied down beside him as Hyunjin removed the soiled condom from his softening cock, discarding it in the bin. “Wanna go for another round in the shower” he asked, peppering her neck with kisses, she giggled looking at him and nodded. “Come on le-” He was cut off with Chan barging into the room “We nee-” “I’m in the middle of something” Hyunjin said pointing towards the naked girl beside him “It’s Yeji” Chan said, Hyunjin’s eyes went wide, finally realizing that his heartbeat was going crazy twenty minutes ago because of the bond he and his sister shared and not because of the pleasure. Getting up from the bed he apologized to the girl before quickly getting dressed and followed Chan. “What the hell happened and where is Dave?” Hyunjin questioned as the gang was gathered in the weapon room “He was a spy and he has Yeji.” Bree answered “Fucking bastard, I’m gonna rip him to shreds” Hyunjin gritted “We need to get her quickly. Hyunjin, you good?” Minho questioned “Yeah, she’s okay, but I can’t say that for long” he said strapping in his knives “I have the coordinates, let’s go” Jeongin said

“Jesus Christ, why is this taking so long? And why the hell didn’t she call, actually come to think of it, where is my phone anyway. Seungmin give me the coordinates” Hyunjin started blabbering due to the nervousness building up and snatched the GPS device from the younger’s hand “Hey Hyunjin calm down, we’ll get her yeah” Chan said trying to ease his worries “I fucking can’t, how could I have been so stupid. Aarrgghh” Hyunjin pulled at his hair. No one said anything because judging from his behaviour they could tell that something was very wrong on Yeji’s side. “Let’s hide the van there, Seungmin and Jeongin set up the drones, Cha-HyuNJIN WHAT THE HELL” Minho started but got cut off seeing Hyunjin jump out of the moving van as it slowed down. Hyunjin didn’t reply, he just ran until his body disappeared into the darkness. He stopped as the GPS pointed that he was where he needed to be "YEJI!! YEJI, WHERE ARE YOU? YEJIIIIIII" he shouted at top of his lungs trying to locate his sister "Ye-ah" he grabbed his chest as his heart started beating extremely fast and chest started aching "No, no, Yeji" he called kneeling on the pavement, hands clutching his chest as his breathing became laboured. Taking a deep breath he got up and let his legs take control, knowing he didn't need the GPS anymore to get to his sister. With every step he took, the pain in his chest intensified. He came to a halt seeing his sister's body lying on the cold hard ground with a knife deep in her chest. "No, no, Jiji, you can't, hey I'm here now, please open your eyes. Princess please. You can't" he cried cradling her body in his arms. "J-ji-jin-nie" Yeji choked feeling her brothers grip on her "Yeah, I'm here, stay with me hhmm" he said cradling her head with one hand while the other put pressure on her chest trying to reduce the bleeding around the weapon "Wh-why di-dn't y-you p-pi-p-ick up" she stuttered, coughing up blood "No no, sshh don't talk, I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry" he said burying his head in her hair crying loudly. Yeji caressed her brother's hair one last time like she had been ever since they were young whenever he cried, until her body went cold and her hand went limp beside her lifeless body. "Jiji, Yeji wake up" Hyunjin shook her pale body "Ye-ah, ah." He clutched his chest as the pain suddenly increased until he couldn't take it anymore "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" he screamed on top of his lungs until his vision blacked and he passed out due to the pain.

Hyunjin opened his eyes and realized he was in his room, looking around he saw his members standing around him. "What hap-" he started when his eyes went wide "I can't feel her" he whispered touching his chest "Why can't I feel her, where is she? WHY CAN'T I FEEL HER, WHERE IS SHE. WHERE IS MY SISTER? WHY CAN'T I FEEL HER HEARTBEAT" Hyunjin screamed, tears streaming down his face. No one said anything, just stared at their best friend with heartbroken expressions, failing to keep their own tears in. He leapt off the bed and lunged forward at the leader "Tell me, tell me right now, where is she, she's in the infirmary right? She's just asleep right? She's gonna wake up soon, she's alright. It's just me. This can't be real, it can't be. Where is her heartbeat? Why can't I feel it, WHY CAN'T I FEEL IT CHAN?" He grabbed Chan's collar and buried his head in his chest crying loudly "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" the older cried, wrapping his arms around the younger male, trying to calm his shaking figure. "NOOOO PLEASE, NOOOOO AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" He fell to his knees crying loudly, mourning his sister's death.

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“Ever since that day, I've developed a habit of having sex too much. Deep down, I always hope that one day my heartbeat will increase like it did that day, or my phone will ring. But it doesn’t. That’s also the reason why I ended up sleeping with other people even though I told your sister I wouldn’t. And God I know it’s no excuse but I just want you to know that I never would’ve hurt your sister intentionally” Hyunjin sniffed, wiping his eyes, now calmer than before. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. And thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure it wasn't easy" Moon smiled at Hyunjin “The reason I shared it with you is because of the question you asked earlier" Hyunjin replied "What question?" She asked "When you asked if you could get rid of the hatred you have for yourself" Hyunjin replied "How?" Moon asked "Why do you hate yourself. Because you're your father's daughter. No that's not it, it's because you blame yourself. You blame yourself for not being able to get away from him and building yourself up how you wanted to. You think it was your fault you couldn't, because eventually your life is in your hands and how you live and shape it. But Moon, after hearing your side of the story, that's not the case. It will be if you decide to spend the rest of your life in self pity and giving yourself up into the life of your so-called blood. Your life was shit until you were given a chance to leave through the sports scholarship, what happened? Someone tried to force themselves on you, but you stayed strong and kept fighting. Yes you lost your chance at escaping your father how you originally wanted but why? Was it entirely your fault? No, partially yes, if you had opened up to your parents maybe things would've been different. But you'll never know. Who's fault was it if it wasn't entirely yours? Andre, if he hadn't drugged you that day, things would've been different. Okay, fine chapter closed, but that's not where it ends. You have still so much to do. You proved it yourself. You picked yourself up, decided to do something, sure you closed yourself off but did you just let yourself go? No, eventually you escaped your father. Maybe not how you wanted but you did. Again it doesn't end there. You thought you sold yourself for the sake of your mother's happiness but you didn't. You took an opportunity when it presented itself and you made the best of it. Each and everyone of us can see how much you've changed since you've joined. Like I said, your life didn't end there. You kept fighting. In that time, you ignored the blood in your veins and built yourself up how you wanted to. But why are you giving up now? You saw Andre again, and all that control threatened to break. The control that made you different from your worst fear. You don't hate yourself, you just blame yourself. Deep down, you want to finish Andre and you not being able to do it, that's what's taking a toll on you, you're constantly letting your anger show. And that is making you think you're what you fear. You hate Andre not yourself because of what he did. You only blame yourself and you're mistaking that for self hatred" Hyunjin explained. Moon just looked at him in awe, how did he figure it out in mere hours when she couldn't in many years "I know it's a lot to take in but that's what it is. How I know, because I'm in the same situation. Different story but same situation. My sister died. I may not have been able to save her but I wasn't the one to kill her either. I blame myself for her death, for so long I hated myself for it until I realized I hate the man who stabbed her. And I'm the one to blame for that, maybe if I was in a clearer headspace I could've got there sooner. But the past is past, we can't change it. It took me such a long time to realize that. What did I do to heal my scars, well avenge my sister's death. I'm gonna find that bastard and rip him to shreds. So Moon, if you think you staying here is dangerous because of who you think you are, no that's not the case. If you still wanna leave to figure everything out, I respect your decision and I support it. But just know that whenever you decide, we'll all be waiting here for you. Because you're our family now" Hyunjin hugged her close. "And we'll help you make Andre pay for what he did as well, you're not alone anymore" Seungmin spoke. "Thanks guys, this means so much to me. I feel so much better now" she said sniffing and wiping away her tears. "Well this was an emotional rollercoaster, let's give ourselves some space to think straight. And Moon, take your time and think rationally. Don't let anything cloud your judgement" Jisung said patting Moon's shoulder and left "He's right. Make a decision you know that is right. It doesn't matter what it is, we support you" Seungmin said and left as well. "Everything is going to be alright" Hyunjin squeezed Moon before leaving her in the kitchen with her thoughts

“C’mon you said the same thing last time as well” Jisung whined sitting on Minho’s bed “And I’m saying it again” Minho answered “But whyy, who else will I go with” “I don’t know, anyone really” Minho shrugged “Why are you being like this, are you mad at me. I swear it wasn’t me” Jisung raised his hands in surrender “Sungie do you even know what this is about? Because it most certainly is you” Minho joined him on the bed “Curse it, I wonder what I did this time” he said looking at Minho, his heartbeat rising due to the close proximity “You- oh fuck it” Minho spoke before joining his lips with Jisung’s. The younger male was caught off guard and remained still, completely shook. A few seconds later Minho pulled away due to not being kissed back. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha-just leave, this is why I-” Minho started “Again” Jisung whispered, eyes wide looking at Minho with the utmost adoration “W-what” Minho stuttered “Kiss me, again.” Jisung said. Wasting no time, Minho joined their lips again. Jisung kissed back his hands grabbing Minho’s waist while the older pushed him back on the bed hovering over him without breaking the kiss. Swiping his tongue on Jisung’s bottom lips, Minho silently asked for entrance, Jisung gently parted his lips allowing their tongues to dance together. Minho’s hands went under Jisung’s shirt caressing his chest while the kiss deepened. Minho was the one to pull away first, lips swollen and a string of saliva connecting their lips. “God, you make me crazy” Minho whispered, diving back in to kiss him again, the feeling of Jisung’s soft lips against his own, driving him insane.

Moon was in her room thinking about the conversation she had with the three boys earlier. Was she going to leave, did she even want to. Countless questions filled her head, her attention was stolen from the familiar ding of her phone. She went to her closet to quickly change into a different set of clothes as soon as she saw the text. “Where are you going?” Chan asked as he saw Moon all dressed up exiting her room “Oh, Nay just texted me, we’re going out for a girls night, want some time to think about some things” Moon smiled at him walking away “Are you really leaving?” Chan grabbed her wrist turning her around, his eyes sad “I don’t know, maybe” she replied looking away from his gaze “I’m sorry” he whispered, releasing her wrist “What for?” Moon asked “For calling you-” “Chan, it’s the past, just forget it, I was not in my right mind either and I took it to heart. You don’t need to apologize” she cut him off “But-” “No buts, I’m over it, let it go.” she said “Are you still mad at me?” he asked “No, I never was, I just needed some space, I’m sorry if it came off like that” she said “No baby girl, you don’t have to, I understand. Have a fun night and stay safe” he smiled at her. Moon loved his smiles, the dimples poking out, eyes shining, making him look absolutely breathtaking. Instead of saying anything, she moved forward and kissed him. Chan kissed her back hands circling around her waist, he tilted his head to the side deepening the kiss as their tongues collided. “Let’s go on an official date when I come back” Moon said pulling away “I’d love that.” he said kissing her again. Kissing for a few minutes Moon pulled back much to her displeasure. “As much as I love kissing you, I have to go” she said stepping out of his embrace. Chan smiled at her and nodded.

“You seem happy” Woojin pointed out, everyone gathered in the living room having random conversations. Chan giggled like a five year old, his ears turning red. “He made out with Moon, of course he’s happy” Minho smirked “You don’t really get to say that you know, you aren’t any less happy, seeing you finally grew the balls to kiss Jisung” Changbin said, everyone's attention now on the new couple. Oohhs and aahhs thrown around as the two blushed furiously. “You’re one to talk, your dick gets hard everytime you se-mmphh” Changbin put his palm on Minho’s mouth before he could finish his sentence. “Well this just got more interesting” Felix high fived Seungmin “I wonder who has the ability to make Chanbin’s dick hard” El laughed “I say we all put on bets” Hyunjin suggested “You guys ar-” Changbin was cut off by the doorbell “Expecting anyone?” Chan asked “Yep, my weed stash is here” Minho said as Jeongin went to check “Hey guys” Nay said, entering the living room. Chan’s eyes went wide looking at her “Chan, you good, you look like you just saw a ghost” Anna asked “Aren’t you supposed to be with Moon for a girls night” Chan asked Nay “No, was I?” she replied confused “She said she was going out with you, where did she go?” Chan asked worriedly

A/N: I did proof read, but let me know if you find any typos

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wherepoetswentodie · 4 years ago

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This is a thing I’m working on that will not see the light of day for ages because I feel guilty for being bad at updating and also this seems to be the only thing my brain likes to write at the minute so

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Connor McKinley did not see the point in health class, virtual baby dolls (that might have been possessed by Satan himself, or at least a close friend) and going to BYU in the fall. What he was going to do, however, was go to health class, look after a virtual baby doll (that might have been possessed by Satan himself, or at least a close friend) and pretend he was going to BYU when (if) his parents asked, but actually get into the University of Michigan.

But as he sat in health class - a class of six people, so he wasn’t sure it could even be called a class - he was beginning to think that maybe he’d prefer to be at BYU. Which may or may not have been a death sentence for him. He had never quite worked out how homophobic it really was and hoped that he never would have to.

“Do you think this teacher is ever going to turn up?” Nabulungi, his best friend and ‘girlfriend’ when his aunties were curious, asked.

“I hope not,” Connor sighed, “I don’t trust babies,”

“They’re not real babies,”

“Somehow that makes it worse,”

He glanced around the class, trying to remember if anyone there had ever thrown homophobic abuse his way. Chris Thomas and James Church definitely hadn’t, considering they were his best friends and Chris was practically sat in James’ lap. He looked towards the back of the room and immediately groaned, shocked that he hadn’t heard Arnold Cunningham before he’d seen him. Or maybe his best friend, and unfortunately attractive republican, Kevin Price had finally worked out how to keep him quiet.

Connor might have actually tried to talk to him if it weren’t for the fact that his dad was the (incredibly homophobic) Governor of Utah

“Arnold Cunningham is in this class,” Connor muttered to Nabulungi who immediately brightened up and turned around to grin at him.

“He’s cute,” she whispered.

“No.” Connor said, “Nabulungi. No. Don’t. No. Don’t even look at me. I can’t believe - him? You think he’s cute?”

Nabulungi rolled her eyes and suddenly had a coughing fit that sounded an awful lot like “Steve Blade,”. Connor tutted and turned back to the front of class, if not just so he could pretend that his best friend didn’t have a crush on Arnold Cunningham of all people. He thought that he’d be able to deal with her liking Kevin, and that would probably come with a healthy dosage of hate crimes for all involved.

“You know if the teacher doesn’t turn up in 15 minutes we’re legally allowed to leave,” Arnold piped up.

Connor rolled his eyes and Nabulungi had the nerve to laugh and turn around to talk to him. Deciding that he should try and stop her before things got too serious, Connor turned around, only to lock eyes with Kevin who was looking between Nabulungi and Arnold like he’d never seen them before. Or maybe he was just shocked that someone was actually showing interest in Arnold. Perhaps he was just glad to find someone who might take Arnold off his hands. Connor had never really understood why the two of them were friends.

“You know Naba likes Arnold?” Connor whispered to Chris and James.

James frowned at him, “Who do you think she was out with when she couldn’t come out with us last weekend?”

Connor gaped at him, “Seriously? Are they - Are they dating?”

“I hate you,” Chris said, “Do you ever listen to any of us? That was their first date!”

“I thought she was joking,” Connor muttered, slumping in his seat and trying to block out the sounds of his best friend flirting with someone who dressed up as Luke Skywalker when he went to Comic-Con.

God, he hoped that Nabulungi wasn’t going to start going to Comic-Con with him. He was pretty sure that he’d have to stage an intervention. A little bit like the one that she had staged for Chris after his sugar addiction had stopped being a cute personality trait and had become a genuine health concern.

“Did you ask me to take this class because of Arnold?” Connor asked quietly.

“No, I asked you because someone needed another class to graduate or someone won’t be tap dancing around Michigan next year,”

“Are you going to Michigan, buddy? So’s Kevin!” Arnold said excitedly.

Connor froze and turned around to look at Kevin, who’s eyes were also wide, “University of Michigan or Michigan State?”

“University of Michigan,” Kevin said quietly, “You?”

“Same,” Connor mumbled, “I’m guessing you’re not doing musical theatre?”

“Probably economics. Or business. Or whatever else it is republicans do,” Chris said, “Oppress minorities?”

Before Kevin could argue back, presumably to tell them that he wasn’t going to be majoring in oppressing minorities because Connor didn’t think that was a valid major (if it was, he was definitely going to the wrong university), the door opened and their teacher, Mr. Name-Connor-Couldn’t- Be -Bothered- To- Learn walked in.

And even though Connor wasn’t going to bother to learn his name, he was thankful that he was their teacher. He was old, and retiring that year, which meant that he was long passed caring about actually teaching and would most likely pass them all without even looking over any of their work. They had basically signed up for another free period, and Connor was already planning on using this hour to work on his book and maybe even convince James to take some new headshots for him. Surely looking after a fake baby doll wasn’t going to be that hard. There was probably an off button that Connor was more than prepared to utilise.

“Get in pairs,” the teacher grumbled at them, “I don’t care who,”

Connor turned to Nabulungi with the intent to ask if she would grant him the honour of being the mother of his baby, just as she turned to Arnold to ask if he would be the father of her baby. He watched in horror as Arnold gleefully nodded his head and proceeded to stand behind Connor’s chair in a way that he understood meant ‘Please move’.

“Chris,” Connor said quickly, “Wanna-”

“No can do, buddy!” Chris said brightly, “Price needs a partner though,”

“I hate you both,” Connor told them before sitting in the seat that Arnold had previously.

The fact that Kevin didn’t seem all too excited about their predicament didn’t make Connor feel much better. Sure, he didn’t want to partnered with Kevin, but that was because he didn’t want to work with a raging homophobe and Kevin probably didn’t want to be partnered with him because he didn’t want to work with a raging homosexual.

Not that Connor really thought that he was a raging homosexual, but he had long since learned that homophobic republicans (Governor Price sprang to mind), didn’t see a difference between the tiny pride pin that Connor dared pin to his jackets and the Drag Queens that worked in gay bars. It was oddly progressive, in a way.

“Can you at least pretend to not hate me?” Kevin asked, “It’s not my fault Arnold’s dating your best friend,”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Can you actually not hate me? It’s not my fault I’m gay,”

Kevin glared at him for a second before he stood up to go and grab a baby off Mr. What's-His-Face’s desk. He completely bypassed the lone ginger baby in favour of one with dark hair, which Connor took as the first hate crime of the project. Perhaps he could do a second, smaller project on the side where he kept a tally of how many hate crimes Kevin committed over the next week.

And when Mr. Name-Connor-Really-Should-Learn told them that they would have to stay over at each other's houses in an attempt to really drive home the experience of parenthood, Connor predicted that the final total of hate crimes would be a lot.

“Sir?” Kevin said, sticking his hand in the air, “Why do we have to stay at each other's houses?”

“Because, Callum, we don’t want to encourage single parenthood,”

“My names Kevin,” he said impatiently, “But you’ll encourage gay parenthood?”

“He didn’t mean it like that!” Arnold said quickly, turning around to glare furiously at his best friend, “He just - He meant...He meant from like a Mormon point of view,”

“So still a homophobic point of view?” James asked lightly, “I’m not gonna sit and listen to him whilst he constantly attacks who I am!”

“I wasn’t attacking you,” Kevin snapped, “I’m just - my dad would-”

“-kill us all given the chance?” Chris said.

“My dad wouldn’t like it if he knew!” Kevin said quickly.

“Don’t tell him, Corey. What do you think he’s gonna do? Kill you?” Mr. Connor-Wanted-To-Say-Brown said, “You’re practically an adult, sort it out yourself,”

Connor sighed and slumped in his chair, glaring down at his desk. He wasn’t sure what was worse; spending a week with Kevin at his own house with his homophobic parents, or spending a week with Kevin and his homophobic parents at their house. Both seemed equally as bad and a very good excuse to throw himself in front of the school bus.

“You’re not staying at my house,” Kevin said quickly.

“Cute that you think I want to stay there,” Connor said, “I’ll give you a ride home,”

“I’m at swim practice after school so I’ll meet you there,”

“I have rehearsal,” Connor said, “I’ll meet you at my car. It’s the-”

“I know what your car is,”

“Oh,” Connor said with a frown, “Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll...I’ll see you later,”

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“Do you think I could steal this dress once we’re done?” Nabulungi asked, twirling around in her Belle dress.

“When are you ever gonna wear a bright yellow ball gown again?”

Nabulungi shrugged, “Target?”

Connor snorted and turned to stare at himself in the mirror. Playing the Beast was fun, but the costume certainly wasn’t. He blew some fur out of his mouth and turned to glower at Nabulungi, as though his quite terrible costume was all her fault.

“I’m uncomfortable,” he said, taking the mask off and dropping it onto a chair, “It’s really annoying that I can’t turn into the Prince halfway through instead,”

“That defeats the point of the show though. She falls in love with him when he’s a beast, not when he’s a Prince,”

Connor scrunched his face up, “That feels illegal,”

“It’s not real,” she reminded him.

“Never realised that, thanks,” he muttered, eyes darting around the room until they came to stop where they always did: on Steve Blade.

When talking to any of his friends, Connor assured him that he was very much over Steve Blade and was not at all bitter about the way that everything ended. In reality, he was very much not over Steve Blade and was extremely bitter about the way everything ended. It made playing the Beast opposite his Gaston extremely easy; their fight scene never felt forced and Connor felt like he didn’t need claws to rip his head off. Spite was enough.

Nabulungi tutted when she saw where he was looking and punched his arm.

“No.” she said, “Stop thinking about Steve Blade!”

“I’m not!” Connor exclaimed before very casually adding, “He text me last night,”

“If you text him back-“

“I didn’t,” Connor said, lying effortlessly, “I ignored him. I’m not gonna go back to him,”

Nabulungi huffed a little, “Good. He got what he wanted from you,”

“My virginity?”

“Yes,” Nabulungi said bluntly.

Connor sighed and turned away from Steve, thankful that he hadn’t done anything that suggested they had been talking for most of the previous night. Though that might have been because he was terrified of Nabulungi, Chris and James and didn’t want to get on the wrong side of them. (Again).

Not that Connor himself wasn’t scared of his friends, sometimes. Especially where Steve Blade was concerned. Still, there was nothing quite as terrifying as an extremely irate Stage Manager in the form of Chris Thomas. The only person he hadn’t shouted at all day was James, even though he was extremely behind in his set painting duties. Connor had gotten one entrance wrong and Chris had described, in great detail, how he was gonna murder him.

“Oh my god,” Nabulungi said in a hushed voice, “Did you know Elizabeth was still choreographing?”

“Huh?” Connor said, “I thought someone else had taken over. Chris said she was too ill,”

“Well, she's here,”

Connor glanced over at the door and unintentionally winced as Chris wheeled his twin sister in. She looked worse than the last time he had seen her, and even then he had found it too difficult to look at her.

The school had invited her back to choreograph the show (an unspoken “one last time” hanging in the air), and she had gotten through the first two weeks of rehearsal before she had to leave. Now, with only one week to go before their first performance, having her come back seemed pointless. As he thought about it, Connor realised it only seemed pointless to him because he (hopefully) had more shows in his future. It was very unlikely she had any.

“Hey, Liz!” Connor said cheerfully as Chris wheeled her over, “How are you?”

“Dying,” she said bluntly.

Connor froze, immediately looking up to Chris for some help. Elizabeth laughed and rolled her eyes.

“It was a joke,” she said, “Sort of. How are you finding the choreography?”

“Fine,” Connor said quickly, happy to steer the conversation away from death, “Yeah, fine,”

“‘Fine’ unless we’re talking about Tale as Old as Time,” Nabulungi said, “Which is really all he needs to do,”

“Drop me in it, why don’t you?” Connor muttered.

Admittedly, Connor was terrible at ballroom dancing. If he wasn’t tripping over his own feet, he was tripping over Nabulungi’s feet and if he wasn’t tripping over Nabulungi’s feet he was tripping over her dress. It only served as a reminder that he probably shouldn’t have been playing the Beast. He would have been more than happy with the ensemble, or maybe LeFou at a stretch, but Nabulungi had convinced him to audition for the lead, just because they’d probably never have a chance to play opposite each other again.

“I prefer tap dancing,” Connor said after Nabulungi had finished explaining that the rather large bruise on her thigh was a result of Connor falling right on top of her when he had tried to pick her up.

“Come on, then,” Elizabeth sighed, slowing getting to her feet, “I’ll help you,”

“Uh, what are you doing?” Chris asked.

“Teaching Connor how to dance, why?” she asked, taking Connor’s hand.

“You can’t! The Doctor said that-“

“-I still have 6 months,” she reminded him, “What’s one ballroom dance going to do?”

“Drop her, and I’ll kill you,” Chris snapped, before rushing off to snap at the poor lighting techs.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at the back of Chris’ head as she placed Connor’s hand on her waist and began counting him through the steps. It was a lot easier, being taught by someone who actually knew what they were doing (the new choreographer had not offered much help outside of ‘smile!’).

“You are good at this,” she told him once the song had ended, “All you need is more confidence in yourself,”

“I don’t think ballroom dancing is my thing,” Connor sighed, “and also not dressed like this,”

“Dancing is your thing, Connor,” she said firmly, holding onto his arm as she, if possible, grew paler, “By the time you finish college, you’ll be top of your game,”

Connor smiled and helped her back to her chair, hoping that Chris wasn’t going to commit a crime because he had tired her out. Not that Connor could blame him for being so overprotective; he couldn’t imagine watching his siblings slowly die, and he didn’t even like them that much.

“You didn’t have to be here,” Connor said, sitting next to her and watching a run through of Gaston.

“I know, but Christopher can’t say no to me anymore,” she said, “and he always drives me to McDonalds afterwards. Plus-“ she broke off suddenly, frowning, “I can hear a baby crying,”

“Wha - oh, shit,”

Connor jumped to his feet and hurried underneath the bleachers. He had hidden Brigham the baby underneath there in the hopes that he wouldn’t be too loud. Kevin had point blank refused to take him to swim practice, and Connor was starting to think that he would be learning what it was going to be like to be a single dad.

“Sorry,” Connor said, awkwardly rocking the doll, “It’s my baby,”

“Health class?” she asked.

“Yep,” Connor said miserably, “He’s called Brigham,”

“Who’s your partner? Naba?”

Connor scoffed, “I wish. No, it’s Kevin Price,”

“The Governor's son?”

“Yeah...”

She stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter, “I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny but - oh, sweetie. Are they still doing the thing where you have to stay with your partner?”

Connor sighed and nodded, “I’m not going over to his house. Lord knows I don’t need to meet Governor Price,”

“So...he’s going to yours?” she asked in a small voice.

“It’ll be fine,” Connor said hurriedly, “My parents don’t need to know,”

When Connor finally got out of rehearsal and spotted Kevin awkwardly hovering by his car, he thought that his parents probably wouldn’t be too angry if Kevin was the boy he brought home. As this thought crossed his mind, he remembered exactly who his parents were and what they expected of him. They’d probably get angry if Joseph Smith himself was the boy he brought home.

Not that Connor would want to bring Joseph Smith home. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to deal with the whole Prophet thing.

“How are we gonna bring him home?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t know. He’s a doll. We’ll just put him in the back,”

Kevin tutted, “You can’t drive a baby home like that! I’ll hold him,”

“You know he’s not a real baby, right?” Connor asked slowly.

“I’ve never failed a class in my life, and you’re not about to make me,” Kevin snapped, taking Brigham into his arms.

“Alright, chill,” Connor muttered, “It’s not that deep,”

Kevin spent the majority of the car journey to Connor’s house glowering out of the window, Brigham held tightly in his arms. If it weren’t for the fact that Kevin was also male, it might have been the closest that Connor ever got to being straight. He had lost count of the amount of couples he had seen (mainly at Church), who so obviously resented each other but had had a child together so that they could live up to the Mormon standard.

It was probably the life that Kevin was going to live, and Connor felt sorry for him until he realised that he was homophobic and suddenly couldn’t care less.

As soon as Connor pulled up outside of his house, his mouth went dry and his palms became sweaty. This was not at all unusual, but it was even worse with Kevin being there with him.

Taking a deep breath, Connor got out of the car and waited for Kevin to do the same. He was taking an awfully long time, holding Brigham close to his chest as he carefully got out, and Connor wasn’t sure he could last a whole week without committing a felony. Or if Kevin could last a whole week without committing a hate crime.

“Are you gonna come in?” Kevin asked.

Connor’s neck snapped up to face Kevin, who was standing on the front porch.

“Get off there!” Connor hissed, lurching forward to grab his arm and yank him backwards.

“Watch the baby!” Kevin yelled.

“Shush!” Connor whispered, glancing up at the house and dragging Kevin around the side of the house when he saw someone inside - probably his mom - start to pull the curtains back, “Don’t yell!”

Kevin frowned at him, “What the heck is your problem, McKinley?”

“How long have you got?” Connor muttered.

He walked around the back of the house to where the basement door was, quickly unlocking it and shoving Kevin through it before one of his parents made an appearance in the back garden. And he couldn’t help but curse his best friends, because it would have been beyond easier to have just moved in with Naba or Chris for a week.

Kevin stood awkwardly in the middle of the middle room and it suddenly occurred to Connor that he was probably used to places that were more...grand.

“Is there a reason we’re in your basement?” Kevin asked, “Are you going to murder me?”

Connor tutted and walked over to his makeshift kitchen (a mini-fridge, kettle, toaster, microwave and mini-grill on top of his chest of drawers), beginning to make his usual after school snack of two Poptarts and a can of Redbull. If this was also occasionally his dinner, no one needed to know.

“Do you want anything?” Connor asked.

Kevin shook his head as he gently laid Brigham on Connor’s bed, “I brought something,”

“You don’t trust my cooking?”

“I follow a strict diet,” Kevin said, “I’m a swimmer, remember?”

“Oh, yeah...” Connor muttered, dropping down onto one of the beanbags that Mr and Mrs Thomas were kind enough to donate to him, “There’s an airbed for you. I’ll blow it up later,”

Kevin nodded and perched on the edge of Connor’s bed, his eyes darting around the room. Connor picked at his Poptart, feeling increasingly awkward. He would suggest that Kevin stay at his own house and lie to Mr. Teacher-That-Connor-Would-Probably-Never-Know-The-Name-Of, but he had a feeling that Kevin was not one to ever break the rules.

“Why are we actually in the basement?” Kevin asked, “Shouldn’t you tell your parents your home? And that I’m here?”

“No,” Connor said, “If it were up to them, I wouldn’t be in the house,”

“Um...”

“I’m gay, they don’t like it, they moved me into the basement because it makes them feel less guilty than if they actually kicked me out,” Connor shrugged, “on the rare occasion that I do actually see them, they remind me that once I’ve left for college, that’s it. I’m out, for good,”

Kevin stared at him, his mouth hanging open. Connor clenched his jaw and looked back down at his Poptarts, wondering if there was a worst person to have this conversation with. He didn’t even like talking about it to his friends, never mind someone he barely knew and who definitely hated him in the same way that his parents did.

Thankfully, Brigham started wailing and Kevin was too distracted to ask Connor anymore questions.

It was definitely going to be the longest week of his life.

#fun fact: I don't realy know what governors do but I am going to find that out before I publish this #I feel like America has too many political offices #Like calm down #For the sake of most of the world #and my fanfiction #kevin price #connor mckinley #elder price #elder mckinley #my writing #tbom #tbom musical #bom #arnold cunningham #elder cunningham #nabulungi hatimbi #arnaba #churchtarts

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amwritesitall · 5 years ago

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Sarah Paulson AHS Characters as Hozier Songs

Masterlist

The gif is from the From Eden video

And yes you read the title correctly. This is a shit post because I’ve been listening to A LOT of Hozier as I write this week. I’m posting this as a second post for the day because I thought a lot of people wouldn’t like this so...

If I was feeling particularly inspired some characters got multiple songs. Not favoritism just my brain grooving. I vibed so hard with this post, but some of my reasoning is most likely very off because I’m definitely writing this from 1 am to 3:45 am. Probably will do another one similar to this with another artist though

Billie Dean Howard

“Work Song”

There's nothin' sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be She give me toothaches just from kissin' me

When, my, time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

Lady killer Billie Dean. This makes me think of how Billie would be in a relationship, loving intensely. You know no grave could keep Billie Dean from her lover.

“Talk”

I won't deny I've got in my mind now All the things I would do So I try to talk refined for fear that you find out How I'm imaginin' you

I'd be the last shred of truth In the lost myth of true love I'd be the sweet feeling of release Mankind now dreams of

I might be crazy, but this song feels sexual with the “I won’t deny I’ve got in my mind now all the things I would do.” Billie is a lady killer. She’s got many of these thoughts going through her head. I don’t know. This song just gave me Billie vibes.

Lana Winters

“Take Me to Church”

My church offers no absolutes She tells me "Worship in the bedroom" The only Heaven I'll be sent to Is when I'm alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well

Probably a cliche, but if the shoe fits. I stand by my decision. This also fits perfectly into the setting of the season. Prime repressed homosexuality in the 60s. Lana Winters grew up in with an environment, inside and outside of the church, that told her the love she felt was wrong. No wonder the woman isn’t religious.

“No Plan”

My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand It's how I know now that you understand

There's no plan, there's no race to be run The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun There's no plan, there's no kingdom to come I'll be your man if you got love to get done Sit in and watch the sunlight fade Honey, enjoy, it's gettin' late There's no plan, there's no hand on the rein As Mack explained, there will be darkness again

My reasoning for “Take Me to Church” applies to this song as well. Lana isn’t a religious person. She probably doesn’t believe in any sort of after life, so she would want to make the most out of the love she has now. She will love hard while she can.

Cordelia Goode

“From Eden”

Babe There's something tragic about you Something so magic about you Don't you agree?

Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword Innocence died screaming; honey, ask me, I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

I feel like this song represents Coven Cordelia. This is Cordelia before she’s found her confidence. She’s struggling with finding herself, but she’s still drawing whoever the significant other in. Cordelia is an alluring, complex woman.

“NFWMB”

If I was born as a blackthorn tree I'd wanna be felled by you Held by you Fuel the pyre of your enemies

Nothing fucks with my baby Nothing can get a look in on my baby Nothing fucks with my baby

This has mad Apocalypse Cordelia vibes. I will fight anyone who disagrees. Cordelia is a bad ass bitch. The narrator would be the one describing Cordelia. Apocalypse Cordelia is intense as hell. No one can fuck with her. I wish I had a more in depth analysis for you, but it’s hard for me to explain it.

Bette and Dot Tattler

“Like Real People Do”

I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

These gals just want a love “like real people.” They have been outcasts their whole life, so they want a love one day that is just like the love everyone else has.

Sally McKenna

“Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene”

Freshly disowned in some frozen devotion No more alone or myself could I be Lurched like a stray to the arms that were open No shortage of sordid, no protest from me

With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

This could also be seen as a stereotype, but there’s a deeper meaning to this selection. Sally herself at times can be addictive like the drugs she was addicted to. She draws people in.

“Sedated”

Any way To distract and sedate Adding shadows To the walls of the cave

You and I, nursing on a Poison that never stung Our teeth and lungs are lined With the scum of it

Another cliche pick since this one also involves drugs. However, I can elaborate further. Sally is dead. Sally wants to feel something and distract from her monotonous life in the Cortez. Drugs were an outlet before she was dead and before she got into social media, it was still an outlet even when she was dead.

“It Will Come Back”

Don't let it in with no intention to keep it Jesus Christ, don't be kind to it Honey, don't feed it, it will come back You know better, babe, you know better, babe Than to smile at me, smile at me like that You know better babe, you know better babe Than to hold me just, hold me just like that I know who I am when I'm alone I'm something else when I see you You don't understand, you should never know How easy you are to need

This one isn’t about drugs! To me, this song seems to describe how Sally loves. Once Sally loves you, you better not try to pull away. We’ve seen how she can be a possessive and intense and this song portrays that.

Audrey Tindall

“Would That I”

True that I saw her hair like the branch of a tree A willow dancing on air before covering me Under cotton and calicoes Over canopy dappled long ago True that love in withdrawal was the weepin' of me

With the roar of the fire, my heart rose to its feet Like the ashes of ash, I saw rise in the heat Settled soft and as pure as snow I fell in love with the fire long ago

For some reason this song just makes me think of Audrey? It was hard to find songs to fit her, but this one felt like it fit her vibe. I also feel like Audrey hasn’t always had smooth sailing with her love life. No matter how intense the love has been, it seems that it doesn’t stick.

“Shrike”

I'd no idea on what ground I was founded All of that goodness is going with you now Then when I met you, my virtues uncounted All of my goodness is going with you now

This song fits the reason why I picked the other song for Audrey. It’s about love that wasn’t fully appreciated until it was gone. This could definitely fit with her losing Rory so soon into their marriage and like I said earlier, I feel like Audrey has had a troublesome love life that has left her self conscious of herself in relationships, especially when it comes to her age.

Ally Mayfair-Richards

“To Be Alone”

Never feel too good in crowds With folks around, when they're playing The anthems of rape culture loud Crude and proud, creatures baying All I've ever done is hide From our times, when you're near me Honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes I feel like a person for a moment of my life

This gives me big post-Ivy vibes for Ally. Like end of the season baddie Ally. This is Ally once she has found someone to love again, shown in the last four lines. She’s changed to a more confident woman, but it’s helpful to have someone there to support her. She is finally loved fully. I also feel like the first four lines fit her personality and beliefs as well.

Wilhemina Venable

“Wasteland, Baby!”

Wasteland, baby I'm in love, I'm in love with you And I love too, that love soon might end Be known in its aching Shown in the shaking Lately of my wasteland, baby Be still, my indelible friend, you are unbreaking Though quaking, though crazy That's just wasteland, baby

I’m not picking this one solely because it’s about a wasteland like the setting of season eight. I also feels like this could describe Mina’s insecurity with love as well and how she’s worried her significant other would leave. Love is scary for her and in my head this kind of describes it.

“Cherry Wine”

Her fight and fury is fiery Oh, but she loves Like sleep to the freezing Sweet and right and merciful, I'm all but washed In the tide of her breathing

The way she shows me I'm hers and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

I feel like this song describes Mina’s tough exterior, but the intensity of her love. I think she would be a bit hot and cold with a lover at first and I feel that this song captures that. At first I pictured this song for Billie Dean until I read the lyrics and they screamed Venable.

You might like: Sarah Paulson AHS Characters as Rex Orange County Songs or Sarah Paulson AHS Characters as Khalid Songs

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thebluelemontree · 5 years ago

Note

On this note: “ Another way of saying Littlefinger didn’t bet on Sandor is that he didn’t account for him.” I know people say that Varys was behind the bread riot, but there’s some speculation around that it was actually LF and Mandon Moore was one of his men. Moore abandons Sansa in the riots and I think that was staged. LF didn’t account for Sandor saving her. What he planned on doing to her - maybe an escape? IDK.

People say a lot of things in this fandom, let’s put it that way. We see in no POV’s account that there is any evidence of attempted kidnapping on Sansa during the riot, let alone a whole conspiracy to commit kidnapping that was thwarted. Let’s remember, Tyrek Lannister was the one that got snatched here (allegedly, technically he’s only known to be missing). If anyone was specifically targetted, it was him.

The bread riot was always a powder keg waiting to explode. No one person orchestrated it. The Tyrells had cut off food supplies from the Reach when they stood with Renly against Stannis and Joffrey. Prices are ridiculously high, and basic foodstuffs are scarce. There’s rampant lawlessness in the streets as well as a bloody flux. There’s open talk of rebellion among the guilds and merchants. Tyrion is burning down all homes and shops between the water and the city walls in preparation for Stannis’s attack. This is going to displace hundreds, maybe thousands of poor people. Joffrey is executing antler men and personally shooting bolts into unarmed, starving citizens. Begging brothers are preaching damnation of the corrupt nobility, including charging them with incest, birthing monsters, and reveling under demonic influence. The Lannister-Baratheons could not be more hated than they are at that moment. We have to remember that at the time of the riot, Littlefinger was well away at Bitterbridge and then went on to High Garden to negotiate with Mace Tyrell for the then widowed Margaery’s hand. He already has his man Dontos plotting with Sansa in the godswood, gaining her trust, so she leaves willingly when the time is right. A second kidnapping/escape plot overcomplicates everything is totally unnecessary. If Moore was supposed to be LF’s man, why wouldn’t he just lead Sansa away to a rendezvous point under the pretense of eluding the mob? That would have been simple and plausible as her shield. Just abandoning her in the swarm doesn’t speak to a plan that has to go off without any mishaps.

On the other hand, Varys is the one official still in the city who was noted by Jaime to be conspicuously absent from seeing Myrcella off to Dorne. Varys, who claimed to have informants all over the city, yet he never forewarned Cersei of any possible riot. Again, it’s Tyrek that disappears without a trace.

Sorry for the long wait. I actually had to take some time to re-read and reflect on Mandon Moore. I think it’s a really bad place to start the speculation with the assumption that he must be working for someone at all. My conclusion is that he’s not working for anyone, and he doesn’t have to be to do what he does. He is a guy motivated by naked self-interest and personal advancement, and that does not necessarily equate with greed or being in anyone’s pocket. IMO, I think he has traits similar to a corporate psychopath (though he’s obviously down for murder too) than anything else. Let’s just focus on how his characterization is described first.

Jaime had once told him that Moore was the most dangerous of the Kingsguard—excepting himself, always—because his face gave no hint as what he might do next. – Tyrion I, ACOK.

He’s described as appearing corpse-like with eyes that are “oddly flat and lifeless.” He’s cold and emotionless. Most notably, Ser Mandon has ties to no one.

Lord Arryn brought him to King’s Landing and Robert gave him his white cloak, but neither loved him much, I fear. Nor was he the sort the smallfolk cheer in tourneys, despite his undoubted prowess. Why, even his brothers of the Kingsguard never warmed to him. Ser Barristan was once heard to say that the man had no friend but his sword and no life but duty … but you know, I do not think Selmy meant it altogether as praise. Which is queer when you consider it, is it not? Those are the very qualities we seek in our Kingsguard, it could be said—men who live not for themselves, but for their king. By those lights, our brave Ser Mandon was the perfect white knight. – Tyrion II, ASOS.

Of all the things said about him, nowhere does anyone suggest it is in Mandon Moore’s character to want anything outside of his career within the kingsguard. He has a single-minded focus on duty and serving the king in an almost robotic level of obedience. No one can tell what goes on behind that blank expression. If a man’s motivations are unknowable, you can’t predict future behavior. Mandon Moore does not strike me as someone who would fall prey to bribery or blackmail. He’s not ideologically motivated, nor is he someone a conspirator can confidently rely on to carry out a task without risk of being double-crossed. If we look at men Littlefinger has taken into his service like Ser Dontos, the Kettleblacks, Janos Slynt, Nestor Royce, Lothor Brune, Lyn Corbray, there’s always a glaring weakness to be exploited, be it greed, excessive/wounded pride, addiction, closeted homosexuality, desperation, debt, estrangement from family, desire to rise from the underclass, lack of better options, etc. Mandon doesn’t have any of these vulnerabilities.

So what did I mean by having traits in common with a corporate psychopath, though? Varys talks about Mandon being “the perfect white knight” and possessing the ideal qualities of a kingsguard. Certain types of corporate psychopaths can wear a facade of traits that the business world desires and values. They can seem like the perfect employee that the company leadership can rely on. They appear to be fearless and unwavering in their drive for success, sometimes even earning praise and recognition for outright ruthlessness. Their sometimes apparent lack of emotions could be read as having the grit to do what is necessary in times of turmoil. Most use manipulative tactics to discredit, undermine, or sabotage coworkers and superiors alike just to get ahead, which I will show is relevant in Moore’s case. Everyone is either a potential pawn, patron, or enemy to be eliminated. Not all psychopaths have superficial and grandiose charm, and no one would accuse Mandon of being charming, but he does put himself out there to be seen as indispensably valuable to the king.

Let’s go back to the bread riot and why Mandon Moore abandoned Sansa’s side as her shield.

Tyrion pressed blunt fingers into his throbbing temples. If Sansa Stark had come to harm, Jaime was as good as dead. “Ser Mandon, you were her shield.”

Ser Mandon Moore remained untroubled. “When they mobbed the Hound, I thought first of the king.”

“And rightly so,” Cersei put in. “Boros, Meryn, go back and find the girl.“ – Tyrion IX, ACOK.

I see no sign that there’s any duplicity going on here when he’s questioned. Mandon Moore acted in a way he believed the king and the queen regent (his patrons) would approve of. The traitor’s daughter’s life doesn’t mean anything to Joffrey, and she is only a secondary thought of the queen’s after they are safe within the castle; therefore, she is not a useful pawn to him. If Mandon Moore shows any desire for anything at all, it’s this: Sandor Clegane’s privileged position with the Lannisters. Joffrey ordered Sandor to go after the peasant that threw the dung. As Sandor is mobbed (and it would be reasonable to wager he’ll be imminently killed), Ser Mandon seized the opportunity to swoop in as Sandor’s replacement, dropping Sansa like a hot potato. There is a reason he keeps being ironically regarded as the white knight in shining armor. He’s a real Johnny on the spot that one. Even if Sandor somehow isn’t killed, Moore still comes out looking like the kingsguard that did not falter in his duty to protect the king even in all the confusion and chaos. It’s an opportunistic upstaging of a colleague to discredit his effectiveness at his job. It proves shortsighted on his part because Sandor not only survives but has Sansa, still a valuable Lannister hostage, alive and in tow.

This will come up again at the Battle of the Blackwater when Sandor finally breaks from the wildfire. Tyrion orders Sandor to continue leading sorties outside the city walls, but he refuses. Guess who chimes in?

Ser Mandon Moore moved to Tyrion’s side, immaculate in his enameled white plate. "The King’s Hand commands you.”

“Bugger the King’s Hand.” Where the Hound’s face was not sticky with blood, it was pale as milk. “Someone bring me a drink.” A gold cloak officer handed him a cup. Clegane took a swallow, spit it out, flung the cup away. “Water? Fuck your water. Bring me wine.”

He is dead on his feet. Tyrion could see it now. The wound, the fire … he’s done, I need to find someone else, but who? Ser Mandon? He looked at the men and knew it would not do. Clegane’s fear had shaken them. Without a leader, they would refuse as well, and Ser Mandon … a dangerous man, Jaime said, yes, but not a man other men would follow. – Tyrion XIII, ACOK.

Since when has Moore ever shown any deference to Tyrion’s authority before? Never. This is a performance for his situational patron, part of Moore’s facade. What is suggested by vocally taking Tyrion’s side is that Moore wants Tyrion to name him commander. He would see the opportunity to take Sandor’s place by not only highlighting the latter’s disobedience, but his posturing implies that he wouldn’t hesitate to carry out the Hand’s orders. It’s also a boon that Sandor’s behavior is quickly tanking any remaining confidence in his courage and leadership ability. Moore must have thought himself the natural choice to assume command as he is a kingsguard and a capable fighter, but he could not have foreseen Tyrion absorbing Jaime’s counsel. Instead, Tyrion decides to lead the sorties himself, shaming anyone that doesn’t follow as being less than a dwarf. Being named the king’s standard-bearer, as Ser Mandon was, is usually considered a high honor. A corporate psychopath wouldn’t see it that way. It’s a piss poor consolation to being led around by someone he would consider a lesser man. Battle is where a knight earns his commendations and honors, which we see in Sansa’s eighth chapter in Clash. As commander of the sorties and his rival disgraced as a craven, Moore would have been the hero of the day should they emerge victorious. Tyrion prevented that. Moore would then be left with only one other option to assume leadership. Tyrion has to fall on the battlefield.

“MY LORD! TAKE MY HAND! MY LORD TYRION!”

There on the deck of the next ship, across a widening gulf of black water, stood Ser Mandon Moore, a hand extended. Yellow and green fire shone against the white of his armor, and his lobstered gauntlet was sticky with blood, but Tyrion reached for it all the same, wishing his arms were longer. It was only at the very last, as their fingers brushed across the gap, that something niggled at him … Ser Mandon was holding out his left hand, why … – Tyrion XIV, ACOK.

Ser Mandon’s sword comes down in his right hand and nearly kills Tyrion. What Moore could not have anticipated was getting iced by Podrick Payne before he could finish Tyrion off. There’s a simple elegance to Moore’s motivations being strictly his own. There’s no complicated conspiracy needed to explain any of his actions. He’s just a shark in a suit of armor. But what about Varys implying there was a conspiracy to kill Tyrion with Moore as the catspaw? It seems to validate Tyrion’s suspicions that it was Cersei, or at least someone.

Bronn had turned up all he could on Ser Mandon, but no doubt Varys knew a deal more … should he choose to share it. “The man seems to have been quite friendless,” Tyrion said carefully.

“Sadly,” said Varys, “oh, sadly. You might find some kin if you turned over enough stones back in the Vale, but here … Lord Arryn brought him to King’s Landing and Robert gave him his white cloak, but neither loved him much, I fear. Nor was he the sort the smallfolk cheer in tourneys, despite his undoubted prowess. Why, even his brothers of the Kingsguard never warmed to him.

… [the Barristan part already quoted above]

And he died as a knight of the Kingsguard ought, with sword in hand, defending one of the king’s own blood.” The eunuch gave him a slimy smile and watched him sharply.

Trying to murder one of the king’s own blood, you mean. Tyrion wondered if Varys knew rather more than he was saying. Nothing he’d just heard was new to him; Bronn had brought back much the same reports. He needed a link to Cersei, some sign that Ser Mandon had been his sister’s catspaw.

Let’s not forget Varys benefits by furthering the rifts within the Lannister regime. He can easily play to Tyrion’s paranoia by suggesting there’s more behind Mandon Moore’s murder attempt than there was. He smiles and mentions Moore’s origins in the Vale, a gesture at Littlefinger most likely; however, there are no substantial breadcrumbs left behind to connect Moore to anyone. We’re even reminded twice that Bronn’s investigation turned up nothing except what was already well-known. There’s just no there there. Tyrion is doing the same thing as the conspiracy theories by assuming that Moore has to be in someone’s pay, but his reasoning is faulty.

Jaime had always said that Ser Mandon was the most dangerous of the Kingsguard, because his dead empty eyes gave no hint to his intentions. I should never have trusted any of them. He’d known that Ser Meryn and Ser Boros were his sister’s, and Ser Osmund later, but he had let himself believe that the others were not wholly lost to honor. Cersei must have paid him to see that I never came back from the battle. Why else? I never did Ser Mandon any harm that I know of. – Tyrion XV, ACOK.

He mistook Moore’s commitment to duty and obedience for having honor. And yes, he did unintentionally cross Ser Mandon. He just didn’t know it because he couldn’t read the guy. He couldn’t see beneath the surface, and that is why Jaime is correct in calling him the most dangerous. One can never know for sure if this type of corporate psychopath sees you as their pawn, their patron, or their enemy at any given moment. There’s no way to mount a defense against that unless you can understand who you are really dealing with. Tyrion was just very, very lucky that he brought Podrick Payne with him into battle.

#valyrian scrolls #valyrianscrolls #ser mandon moore #sansa stark #sandor clegane #tyrion lannister #varys #the bread riots #asoiaf meta #conspiracy theories #asoiaf theories #asoiaf characterization #my meta #anonymous

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