#i am not apologizing for making it RENT bc honestly it was a delight to imagine

[somuchyoudontknow]

I had a dissertation written about Chis 'Clown'' Evans and his racist, pos gf Alba Baptista but fuck it. Y'all already know the tea. My issue with all this bullshit is how his PR/ CAA agency are gaslighting his fans. I'm not one of his biggest fans. I didn't really get into his acting roles until the fist Captain America film which I watched in 2020 for the first time. He did a PHENOMENAL job! Chris has talent, he's really great at stunts, he has the build of a super hero- everything seemed to align for him. Until he got a little too cocky (no pun intended).

He was rocking the Gray Man premieres/interviews. Breaking the internet with his looks and fans eating up all of his interviews. Then he dropped this... I'm laser-focused on finding a partner bullshit. You should have seen all the women on Twitter throwing themselves at him, of course, he never replied to any of them. We know he had his hands full (of shit).

SMA comes around and people are psyched because Chris Evans finally gets the title but... a little blurb about him dating then 25 y.o. Alba Baptista for over a year sends the internet and the fandom into a meltdown- let a lone they were breadcrumbing, her team and gargoyle friends trolling his fans; and to top it all off- here bffs are Nazi sympathizers, racists and fatphobes. Chris has too many pictures of him with Alba and sitting with that crusty booger Justin. I honestly am disgusted by Alba, Justin and Kiko; these assholes have the nerve to make fun of people's race and appearances when all three of them look like the witches in Hocus Pocus.

Justin gave a half-assed apology on Twitter but people could tell it was insincere. Kiko allegedly has an entire website dedicated to Neo-Nazism. You trying to tell me Alba doesn't share the views of her radioactive roach friends? The three of them are delulu. First of all, the Warrior Nun fandom really hyped Alba the fuck up like she was Zendeya of Selena Gomez. Alba isn't a good actress. I tried watching Warrior Nun and couldn't get through the first episode bc her acting so terrible. I read an interview where she said she never took acting lessons, that's the only thing I believed Alba hasn't lied about- her lack of acting lessons. Furthermore, for all the hype her pr tried to do for her, she's low rent. No, I don't think she's that pretty either- another lame wannabe starlet with fake tits who badly edits her Instagram photos.

Chris Evans is stupid. I can't put it any plainer than that. He prob got a bunch of nudes from Alba and he thought he hit the jackpot. I DO believe they were in a relationship but due to the long distance between them- I think they both idealized love, got caught up in the sex and confused it with actual love- which I don't think either one of them knows what real love is. I was team PR for a minute but then I saw how Chris and Alba interacted at the Ghosted premiere: They stepped out the car together, he said something to her and she laughed. That didn't convince me that they were in love but they're definitely fucking.

Again, Chris Evans is stupid. He took a two-bit Jennifer Lawrence wannabe and put her racist, delusional crazy ass on a pedestal and let those 3 ugly, pasty-face, racist, fatphobic, acne-riddled morons mess up his fan base. All because of what? Love?

There is a Bible scripture 1 Corinthians 13 that says:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I don't care if Chris and Alba break up or stay together because the damage is done. His PR abused his fans and he let them do that. He's proud to be with her- that Valentine's Day photo dump looked janky but reall enough to see they were dating. We've all seen pics of her letting us know she was at his houses in MA and VT- she did it bc she thinks she's queen of the Evans' castle or some delusional shit. The girl is NUTS. So what does that make him?

Chris Evans is a fuckboy, a privileged cis-hetero male who maybe grew up around a few POC but his environment was predominantly white. I think he's okay with racist comments bc he prob has some in his own family. That's why he's been so comfortable having Alba and her pitbull face friends IN HIS HOME!

I need Chris to throw away the A Starting Point app- there is no way in hell he can go back to that Mr. Goody two-shoes image. I find him to be manipulative and calculating and yes - RACIST! He's been too comfortable around those gremlins for Portugal for too long to convince me otherwise. He just wants to sweep all of Alba's and his own bullshit under the rug. Chris Evans is also delusional. He can't blame the fans that supported you for 20 years and think you're going to be respected. I know he has been bullied but he brought this shit on himself for hooking up with a racist, antisemitic spoiled fucking brat.

Well, as you can see, I longer like Chris Evans, lmao! I just think he's a fucking douche bag that thinks he's cool with his dumb-ass, clownish goofy younger gf who thinks she's a star. Alba thinks she's hot with her big ass head, she look like Ghostface from Scream without that photoshop and makeup.

Chris is the poster boy for performative liberalism, pseudo-intellectualism, and complete head-assery. I can't get over how someone builds a successful, 20-year career and throw it all away for a racist, vomit-inducing trash box like Alba Baptista? An insecure man-child with deep-rooted low self-esteem who needs people around him to kiss his ass and soothe his wounded ego.

I don't hate Chris Evans, I don't like all the fuckery and drama his actions caused, he's just another Hollywood idiot with a pretty surface and a hollow brain. I hate shitty diaper Lolita Alba, crusty-ass Justin, and tire track-faced Kiko bc I hate racist& nazi sympathizing fatphobic assholes.

I really hope for the best for his fans because y'all didn't deserve any of this. I just can't with Chris, he's been fake af since Nov 22' or even longer than that- pretending to be this idealized version of himself; trying to be Steve Rogers when he's more like Steve Segal: mediocre, problematic, and consistently starring in terrible movies with a bad lace front wig.

.

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

13 + Jaskier/Yen/Geralt?

for this AU meme

13. co-stars au

OK so they're on Broadway. Doesn't matter what show - it's a musical tho. Probably some show that doesn't exist, but MAYBE RENT? (don't judge me it was formative to my queer awakening okay?)

Yeah let's just say RENT

Yen's best known for her work on the West End but she's friends with the director (I'm gonna say Fringilla) so she agreed to come do this revival or w/e on Broadway. Musical fandom assumed she was going to be playing Maureen, but she actually snagged Mimi and once that fact gets out everyone is like "I mean she's amazing, but iunno..." But she is unbearably hot in the Out Tonight sequence and basically just kills it (no pun intended). Once the boots start getting around, everybody's like "ok we take it back, perfect casting".

Jaskier is not particularly well-known outside of like. DEEP musical fandom, but his fanbase is rabid. He has a band and has mostly been in workshop productions in California and Chicago, and has been deeply frustrated to not get to follow the shows that succeed to NYC. It's not that he's not good it's that the right show hasn't found him yet. He gets cast as Mark and plays that boy SO queer. He basically declared at the first rehearsal that he wanted to play Mark like he was properly bisexual and Fringilla's like "Fuck yes we will make a show that is so goddamn queer--"

Geralt is a hollywood actor. No one's aware he can even sing, but he actually has a really glorious voice. Fringilla got him for name recognition to try to get extra butts in seats, but especially after seeing him interact with Jaskier and Yen she is just like "oh my god the sexual tension is palpable, their chemistry is perfect, this show is going to be AMAZING". He's got broody down like a MOFO but manages to bring real depth and nuance to Roger's temper and broodiness rather than just I AM SAD AND VOLATILE BECAUSE AIDS AND DEAD GIRLFRIEND.

All of them have personal rules about dating within cast and crew for an ongoing production (Yen: absolutely not, Geralt: maybe but definitely not anyone I work closely with, Jaskier: only with stage crew or orchestra not anyone I have to be on stage with) and so when they all develop crushes on each other throughout rehearsals and previews, it amps the sexual tension up to 11 between their characters. Which gives a fucking FANTASTIC air of unresolved longing between Mark and Roger that drives the shippers WILD, while a scattering of Mark/Mimi shippers have zeroed in on every tiny moment they share, usually in the back of a scene when the focus is on other people.

Isn't it great to be acting? HAHAHA THIS IS TOTALLY JUST ACTING.

Geralt and Yen end up fucking a couple of times before their run ends. Jaskier manages to make it through by sleeping with the stage director and every single member of the band, just to distract himself. Once Geralt's limited run is over, he and Yen start dating, but they end up discussing how they both are super into Jaskier, and on the day of Yen's last performance she snogs him onstage at some point towards the end of LVB. She'd warned the band and the rest of the cast, so there was what SEEMED like a scripted pause when she did it and Jaskier was dazed for like a full 3 seconds before continuing on.

The fandom went INSANE. Especially when someone caught him and Geralt snogging in the alley behind the theater after the show.

[recurring-polynya]

For Stuff For Renji's Birthday Prompts: 1) time travel turn back the clock nonsense, bc I'm an enabler and Karakura teens plus shithead Renruki teens has *Byakuya voice* strong comedic potential OR 2) Hisana lives but due to wacky circumstances, nobody notices Rukia's existence at the Academy... until they've graduated and Renruki have joined Squad 11. Dealer's choice! (Honestly whichever you pick, I might try writing the one you don't. I am not a writer these 2 just live in my head rent free)

Why would you make me choose between these, whyyyyyyyyyy?

To be honest, I almost did them both, but this was the second one I did, and I figured that I should probably do some other people’s prompts, and then I ran out of time. I might do you some time travel shenanigans later. (This should in no way stop you from writing these, I would flip my chips if you wrote something, let alone something based on my horrible ideas)

In any case, I couldn’t resist the second options and I have spun it out into a delightful bit of Byakuya-torture. Please enjoy!!!

Special thanks to @kaicko for helping me come up with the clerical error, because you all know me, I can’t just say “a clerical error.” 😂

Read on ao3 or ff.net

💀   💀   💀  

“How is the tea?” Aizen Sousuke asked smoothly.

The tea was excellent, but Byakuya wasn’t in the mood for Aizen’s needy attempts to ingratiate himself. “Adequate,” he replied dryly. “You said you had something to discuss with me.”

“Ah, diligent as always, Byakuya,” Aizen sighed, “always eager to get back to work. I’ll get to the point: I happened to speak with your wife recently at a fundraising event. She’s very interested in the people of the deep Rukon, and said she travels to South Rukongai frequently.”

Byakuya narrowed his eyes. “What is your point?”

“Well, I thought it was a bit of a strange occupation for a woman of your wife’s noble standing, but then Gin reminded me that she was actually from there herself, that there had been a bit of a to-do when you two married. I don’t tend to follow gossip myself--”

“I repeat, what is your point?” Byakuya gritted your teeth.

Aizen made a pissy little throat clearing noise and fiddled with a folder on his desk. “The fact is, Byakuya, your wife reminds me a great deal of a young woman who served in my squad a few years ago, whom I recalled also hailing from the Rukon. I wondered if there might be a.... connection.”

Byakuya’s shoulders stiffened. Impossible. He had put watches on all immigrants to the Seireitei. He would have reviewed anyone who came from the South 78th.

“Inuzuri Rukia,” Aizen read from his file, and Byakuya’s blood ran cold. “Shin’ou class of 2066. Unseated. Petite, like your wife. Dark hair. Very striking eyes. Unfortunately, an unremarkable shinigami. Potential for a good kidou user, but didn’t take direction well. More interested in sword combat, although she had little aptitude for it. Ah, here it is. Hometown: District 48, South Rukongai.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Byakuya said flatly. “Inuzuri is the 78th district of South Rukongai. Why would she carry a surname from a different district?”

Aizen made an exaggerated frown. “Very strange! A clerical error perhaps? Hold on a moment.” He stuck his head out of his office door and said something to the shinigami on reception duty. “Fortunately, there’s an easy way to clear this up. It’ll just be a minute.”

Byakuya gripped his teacup, unsure of how to feel. A clerical error. Class of 2066… she would have enrolled in 2060, in the middle of Hisana’s worst turn, when she had been bedridden for nearly four years. Their attention would have lapsed. It made sense.

“She does not sound like your usual recruit,” Byakuya accused. Aizen was constantly finding ways to skim the highest performers from the Academy, all the gifted children.

Aizen looked sheepish. “Ah, well, you see, there was a young man of some talent that I was eager to recruit who was… attached to her. I thought she might have some potential if properly guided, but it never panned out.”

Aizen’s good deed was suddenly beginning to make sense. The girl had transferred out and taken Aizen’s prize with her. He wanted Byakuya to go fetch her away in hopes that the talented one would come home. Byakuya actually felt much better now that he’d identified Aizen’s ulterior motive, and further, that it had more to do with his own petty recruiting schemes than Byakuya’s family (specifically, Byakuya’s wife).

There was a knock at the office door, and upon being bid entry, a young woman walked in. Although indeed petite and dark-haired, she looked nothing like Hisana, and Byakuya remarked as much.

“Oh, no, this is my Seventh Seat!” Aizen chuckled. “Miss Hinamori, you were friends with Inuzuri Rukia, isn’t that correct?”

The young woman’s eyes had gone wide when she recognized Byakuya. “Er, yes, sir,” she said, her eyes darting between the two captains. “We shared a room while she served here.”

“Do you happen to remember what district she was from?” Aizen asked in an overly friendly manner.

“Oh, sure, it was South 78,” Hinamori replied. “Inuzuri, of course.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know all the outermost ones,” Aizen said in his goofy voice again. “Her paperwork says 48.”

Hinamori’s brow furrowed for a moment and then her face brightened. “She and Abarai had very heavy accents when they first came to the Academy, and used a lot of deep Rukongai language quirks. I don’t remember all of it, but they both used to use ‘shichi’ instead of ‘nana’ for seven, especially when referring to their district. They weren’t very fond of their home district. I wonder if the registrar misheard.”

“Well, there you go!” Aizen said, slapping his hands on his desk. “A very logical explanation!”

Hinamori beamed.

Byakuya found Aizen’s need to be liked by his subordinates very unprofessional and off-putting, but he tried to push it aside. He was trying not to be too eager, but this was probably the best lead he’d had on Hisana’s sister in all the years they had been searching. “Where is she now?” he grumbled.

Aizen turned his doe eyes on his fawning subordinate once more. “I don’t suppose you still keep in touch? She couldn’t have lasted very long there, they must have transferred again?”

Hinamori made a face like she didn’t want to say the answer. “I’m afraid that Kira and I had a bit of a falling out with Abarai and Inuzuri when they left. I haven’t talked to them in a few years, although we still have some mutual friends. As far as I know, though, they’re both still at Squad Eleven. I heard they were doing fairly well there, actually.”

The room seemed to retreat around Byakuya. All he could hear was the blood pounding in his ears and the reverberations of the most horrible words he could possibly think of: Squad Eleven.

---

Byakuya knew it was poor etiquette to visit another captain’s squad when the man was out, but he absolutely could not stomach the idea of discussing the matter of his wife’s sister with the Kenpachi, so he waited until Zaraki and his miniature lieutenant were sent out to go trample half of East Rukongai before visiting.

He also knew that he probably should have said something to Hisana, but he couldn’t bring himself to get his wife’s hopes up, only to dash them, should this turn out to be nothing, like so many leads before it. So, the secret sat in his stomach, heavy and acidic, jostling with the guilt of his breach of etiquette.

“Is there someone here,” he gingerly asked one of the gentlemen on gate duty, “who takes care of administrative matters for the squad?”

The man swiveled his head, which appeared to grow directly from his torso with no need for an intervening neck, to his fellow guardsman. “What?”

The other fellow had been busy trying to remove wax from his ear with a pinky. “WHAT?” he shouted back.

“Paperwork!” Byakuya said a little louder. “Is there an office of some sort? A person who knows what’s going on?”

He supposed he could have asked for the girl, Inuzuri, directly, but he didn’t feel… ready.

“I think he wants Ayasegawa,” the neckless guard hazarded.

“WHAT?”

“I’ll be right back.”

Eventually, the burly gentleman returned. With him was a strangely elegant person with a silky curtain of hair cut severely to chin length and piercing violet eyes. “It really is you,” the lovely man said with a level of disdain that Byakuya almost had to admire. Before he had a chance to get offended, the man dipped into a respectful bow. “Welcome to the Eleventh, Captain Kuchiki. Fifth Seat Ayasegawa at your service. What in Soul Society can I possibly do for you?”

“Apologies for visiting while your captain is abroad,” Byakuya replied, not meaning a word of it.

“Oh, he’ll be very sorry to have missed you,” Ayasegawa frowned. “But I’m sure you could make it up to him later.”

Byakuya’s eye twitched. “Perhaps. I have come to enquire about a young woman whom I am told transferred to your squad three years ago.”

“Does she have a name? That might make it a little easier.”

“Inuzuri Rukia.”

Both of Ayasegawa’s eyebrows shot up, and his mouth curved into a feline grin. “Ninth Seat Inuzuri, of course!”

Byakuya blinked. “Ninth Seat? Captain Aizen told me she was middling at best.”

Ayasegawa's face suddenly went stiff. “She was not well-served at the Fifth, but she has bloomed here most beautifully. Inuzuri is my personal protege, you know.” He stared at Byakuya under hooded eyes. “What is your interest in her? Captain?”

Byakuya took a deep breath through his nose. “My wife is also from Inuzuri. She is trying to locate someone she knew there. It is possible this Rukia is that someone.”

Ayasegawa frowned. “Well, I can introduce you, if you like. I should warn you, though, Rukia doesn’t have a lot of lost love for her hometown.”

“My understanding is that there isn’t much to love about it.”

“Mmm,” Ayasegawa agreed. “Well, come along, let’s go find her.” He concentrated for a moment, clearly trying to find her reiatsu. She must be a woman of some power, after all. “Ugh! She and Abarai are at it again! Every day!”

Byakuya swallowed stiffly.

“Well come on! She’s out at the training fields, clobbering our Tenth Seat, yet again.”

Oh. That kind of “going at it.”

Ayasegawa was shaking his head. “The two of them are literally an unstoppable force and an immovable object.”

“Abarai was also at the Fifth?,” Byakuya probed cautiously. “I was told they were close.”

“Of course they’re close!” Ayasegawa scoffed. “They’re partners!” He thought for a moment. “Abarai is from the 78th as well, you know. If Rukia turns out to not be your girl, perhaps one or the other of them knew the person you’re looking for. Abarai is one of those people who just… knows everyone. He’s the personable half of the pair.”

“‘Partners’?” Byakuya echoed. “What… kind of partners?”

Ayasegawa stared back at him like he was insane. “Partners.”

This path of inquiry clearly wasn’t going to get him anywhere, but wasn’t particularly relevant, either. “I did not think kidou-type zanpakutou were permitted in the Eleventh,” Byakuya sniffed. “Aizen’s records indicated Inuzuri wields an ice-and-snow type.”

Ayasegawa gave a little shrug. “Zanpakutou classifications are arbitrary. Obviously, if she had a bunch of showy blizzard attacks like Matsumoto’s little prodigy friend, it would be a no-go. Rukia can take the blade of her sword down to sub-zero temperatures. She has a weapon-shattering attack and she doesn’t feel pain when she’s fighting. It’s fundamentally no different than a zanpakutou so massive that only the wielder can lift it, or a whip sword that’s controlled with one’s reiatsu.”

This sounded like a quibble to Byakuya, but it’s not like he had come to the Eleventh looking for sound logic.

“She’s incredibly fast, probably the fastest person in the Eleventh, although no one’s really sure what Yachiru’s top speed is,” Ayasegawa continued on. He glanced at Byakuya slyly. “I hear you are very fast.”

“You have heard correctly.”

“That’s why Abarai can’t beat her. If he could land one really hard hit on her, she’d go down, but he’s not fast enough and she’s just too agile. He’s my partner’s protege, you see, so I have to take their little scraps very personally.”

How did this man talk so much?

“What did you say your wife’s relationship was to her again?”

“I did not.”

“Ah, right. Oops, look out!” Ayasegawa abruptly dove to one side as a giant mass of shihakushou and pink hair and what might be a sword came crashing through the split rail fence surrounding the training field.

Byakuya was not in the habit of ducking, so he merely plunged the force of his reiatsu down into the earth like a piton. It was almost, but not entirely sufficient. Byakuya gritted his teeth as he was driven back, dirt piling up behind his heels as he skidded backwards.

When they finally came to a halt, Byakuya looked down at the meaty youth lying at his feet. This must be the infamous Abarai, although he certainly didn’t look like one of Aizen’s usual simpering overachievers. The first thing Byakuya observed was the eye makeup. Most shinigami applied at least a little eyeliner, on grounds of tradition, but few bothered to blacken the entire eye socket, as in the skeletal facepaint of old. The second thing Byakuya noticed were the tattoos painted across his forehead and neck. They were black and spikey and horrible. The third thing was the hair, which was bright pink and spikey, and utterly at odds with the makeup and tattoos. The fourth thing was the big, sheepish grin, which honestly just tied the whole hideous tableau together.

Byakuya glared down at the lout, and in a moment of pettiness, flared his reiatsu to a level that should have sent blood spurting out of his ears.

“I’m afraid that’s not going to do much to someone who has a weekly sparring slot with the Kenpachi,” Ayasegawa commented dryly.

“Sorry ‘bout that!” the lummox cheerfully apologized as he sat up and brushed himself off. He had an Inuzuri accent so thick you could spread it on toast, an accent that Hisana tended to slip into only when she was extremely bent out of shape. Abarai snapped the sword hilt in his hand, and the tangled pile of steel on the ground neatly retracted into something that looked a little more like a weapon, if a weapon were designed by a creative and overly violent child.

“That’s a captain, you buffoon!” another voice rang out, and every muscle in Byakuya’s body locked. “Show your respects!”

The voice clearly affected Abarai as well, because he leapt to his feet, spun, and slammed into a bow. “My apologies, Captain…” his eyes glanced up and abruptly widened, “Kuchiki.”

“Greetings, Captain Kuchiki! Welcome to the Eleventh Division! I apologize very profusely for throwing Tenth Seat Abarai at you!” A second young person had come to join Abarai in his bow, and they both rose in unison, Abarai looking suddenly pale and nervous, his companion looking calm and confident.

So this was Inuzuri Rukia. She had Hisana’s voice. She had Hisana’s stature, and standing next to Abarai made her look positively childlike. She wore the same dreadful eyeblack, but the eyes that shone out of it were a variation on Hisana’s, harder and three shades more purple. The rest of the face was Hisana’s. Her hair was dark, shaved on the sides, arranged into porcupine spikes on top, although one lock hung down stubbornly between her eyes. Her ears glittered with silver piercings. At least she was free of awful tatt-- wait, no. Byakuya had missed them at first, because they were white. Abarai’s tattoos were spiky and sharp, but Inuzuri’s were graceful swirls, like ribbons wrapping lazily down her forearms. Even her reiatsu was like Hisana’s-- but instead of a cool, refreshing wintergreen, Inuzuri’s was the bone-deep cold of winter, a cold so harsh it burnt in the lungs.

There was no doubt.

This atrocious delinquent was his long-lost sister-in-law.

“Can we help you with something, sir?” Inuzuri prompted. “Abarai here’s a big fan of yours.”

“Shut up, Rukia,” Abarai managed through gritted molars.

“Inuzuri Rukia, you died as an infant thirty-six years ago and were sent to the 78th District of South Rukongai, is that correct?” Byakuya said stiffly.

Inuzuri and Abarai both bristled, a pair of mongrels raising their haunches. “That seems about right,” Inuzuri replied slowly. “My early years are a little hazy.”

“My wife, Hisana also died thirty-six years ago and was sent to Inuzuri with her infant sister,” Byakuya went on. “They were separated. My wife has been looking for her sister ever since. You… resemble her greatly.” Byakuya let the implication hang in the air. He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

There was silence for a moment. Then there was the distinct noise of a laugh that, having been held in, had escaped through someone’s nose. “Sorry! Pardon me!” Ayasegawa wheezed, clapping one hand over his mouth and looking away. “Bit of. Dust. In my throat.”

“I told you! I told you, you looked like that picture of her in the Bulletin!” Abarai was hissing.

“I thought you were lying because you thought she was pretty!” Inuzuri hissed back.

“I thought she was pretty because she looks just like you!”

“Now is really not the time, Abarai!” She cleared her throat and tried to stand up a bit taller, a futile effort. “So, uh, so what? What does that mean, if I am her sister? Does that… does that make me noble?”

A higher pitched wheezing came out of Ayasegawa. The level of impudence was extraordinary.

“I would like you to come to my home to meet her, first,” Byakuya put off making any promises. “We can discuss what comes next. As a family.”

“I’m at work right now,” Inuzuri excused.

“Inuzuri, I need to know how this pans out, you can have the afternoon off,” Ayasegawa informed her.

Inuzuri’s confidence seemed to be draining out of her. She took a tiny step closer to Abarai and groped for his hand. “I’m bringing Renji,” she declared.

“Is he compulsory?” Byakuya asked. Inuzuri was absurd looking too, but at least she was small.

“He’s my family,” Inuzuri insisted.

Byakuya’s brows furrowed. This could prove problematic. “In any sort of legally binding sense?”

“We’re engaged!” Inuzuri announced.

“We are?” Abarai goggled.

“I told you I’d marry you if you could ever manage to beat me in a fight! What else would you call that?” Rukia hissed at him in a voice that was still, unfortunately, perfectly audible.

“I’ve been trying every day, and honestly, Rukia, it’s not looking good for me!”

“Can you just go with it for once, instead of arguing with me every time?”

“If you want to leave and never tell anyone you found her,” Ayasegawa put in, “I am very bribable.”

Byakuya was sorely tempted.

---

End note: To further explain the number mix-up, as I understand it “seven” in Japanese can either be said as “nana” or “shichi”. People usually say “nana” for two reasons-- 1) to avoid confusion with 4 (”shi”, although you can also say “yon”) and because “shi” is a homophone for death. Given how shitty the districts in the 70s are, I rather liked the idea that they residents use the “shichi” pronunciation as a bit of gallows humor. (And if you don’t have a rude nickname for the town you grew up in, well, congrats for not growing up somewhere shitty)

I don’t actually speak Japanese, tho, so forgive me if this is all nonsense. 😁