#i am not a stan myself but i believe in your beliefs

[astralleywright]

my two cents here: i have NEVER seen anyone make callowmoore "cishet"? laudmoore, yes. oh holy fuck yes. like everyone that ships laudmoore is a massive homophobe. maybe i only follow trans people that like it but i was very much under the impression people understood that were both nonbinary as fuck? i feel like you when you were confused about "orym hate"

i've been trying to figure out how i want to answer this all day, because ultimately its going to end up being deeply subjective. if this hasn't been your personal experience, that's fine and great actually. i'm not interested in changing anyone's minds, or accusing certain groups of or individual shippers of being homophobic or transphobic. (which, i'm gonna join the war against laudmoores on the side of laudmoores here; this feels like a very overblown reaction to a handful of weirdos in amongst the slightly bigger handful of laudmoore shippers. fr there are like, 8 of them total. throwing them all under the bus like this feels very wild!)

meanwhile, callowmoore has both a lot of passionate shippers and casual support, including for the handful of posts that i think do kind of amount to actual erasure. if explicitly t4t content of them of the same popularity exists i have not seen it, and the passive acceptance of stuff like this can make even neutral content feel... weird and loaded.

especially given that a lot of callowmoore content and discussion is, imo, very shallow and tropey, and popular shipping tropes tend to operate through an understanding of romantic relationships as a monogamous thing between two partners that begins with love, then sex, then marriage, then maybe a kid or two. there's nothing wrong with that path, and its not one limited to or solely the aspiration of cisgender heterosexual people. but it is one made for them, and one which trans and queer people are often coerced into participating.

and one that feels deeply unfitting for fearne and ashton rn, and especially fearne, who has really seemed to just be living her best polyam/alloaro/hot girl life so far. i'm still not convinced her reaction to the sister comment wasn't just bc she's been trying to hit for so long. and even if it was romantic, i don't think that means that they're "so married", or that ashton supposedly being jealous when she flirts with guys is a positive, or that they said it as some sort of denial or pulling pigtails thing and everyone can tell he's actually in love, etc etc. it just feels like a waste to try and force these joyfully unconventional characters into such deeply conventional boxes.

[just-a-ghost00]

Channeled messages from your divine counterpart's higher self.

Images were found on Pinterest. In this reading, I have used several oracles, including one I made myself. This oracle provides us with songs that may hold significant messages for us. You may want to listen to the songs as you are reading the channeled messages or add them to your playlist.

Group 1

Songs : Sweater weather - The Neighbourhood, MIA - Bad Bunny feat Drake, Find me - SIGMA feat Birdy Merlin oracle :

Everything is fine. Don't worry.

Guinevra Queen of Arthur - There is no king without a queen : you need both feminine and masculine. Combine your thinking, your sensitivity and creativity to your decision making skills and your actions. It is in this fair and balanced union that fruitful projects are birthed.

The power of mischief - Laugh, laugh and laugh : If life is being tricky, laugh with it. If it is burlesque, make fun of it. If it is cynical, fuck with it. Facing it's provoking, remember that the more time goes by, the less it will matter. So laugh it off!

Cavansite - Expand your consciousness. Tourmalined quartz - Restore your perfect light. Copper - Energize your whole world. Spirit animals : Arctic fox, black cat, white shark Key words : being your true self, leaving behind old beliefs, noticing the toxic patterns in and around you, spirituality, intuition, mystery, Bangchan stan

I know you are trying to reach me. I can feel you in the air I breathe, on the tip of my tongue whenever I wake up from a (wet) dream. I know you wish to find me sooner than later. That you long for me as much as I long for you. But the universe has other plans. And I'm too busy anyway. I know it's a harsh thing to say considering all the love you have for me. Believe me, I couldn't be any happier to have you as my forever after. My partner in crime. But right now isn't the time. I have so much left to do. So many things to cleanse and dust off. I cannot hold space for you, no matter how much I wish you were in my life. Yes, it's painful. Yes, I think about us every day. Yes, I want you more than anything in the world. But there are surely more interesting things for you to do than to worry about my whereabouts and my well being. I don't want you to lose sleep over me. I don't want you to deprive yourself of good times, opportunities, love for me. I want you to live. To experiment. To have fun. I want you to be the soul everyone talks about. The heart of the party. The sunshine that doesn't need anyone to radiate their light. I don't want you to wait for me in vain. I don't want to be a burden to you. I know deep in my soul that if we both give our best and be present for the things and people that matter to us, that if we both deliver then surely our paths will cross. I know deep in my heart that all paths lead to you. And I want you to believe that too. There is no such thing as making the wrong turn. So please don't reject anyone or anything just because you think I wouldn't like it. Live your life. Speak your truth. Be you. And love yourself just as much as I love you. Talk to you later. *sends spiritual hug*

Group 2

Songs : At my worst - Pink Sweats, Life goes on - AGUSTD, 3:00 AM - Finding Hope Spirit animals : Scarab, Scorpio, Dragon

Serpentine - Awaken your reptilian nature. Celestite - Tune in to your serenity. Kunzite - Open up your love channel.

Merlin oracle :

Once upon a time, Merlin - Raise your potential : You were born with considerable internal resources. Honor the gifts that were passed down to you. Raise your potential and embrace from now on what you were destined to be. You have all that is needed to succeed!

King Uther Pendragon - Serve what is dear to your heart : if you have rights, you also have duties. By honoring them, you will earn respect and love from those whom you hold dear. Ask yourself what you duties are in this situation and you shall know what to do.

Pixies spell - Let go : If you're feeling lost, discover new horizons. Keep your mind busy with light occupations to ward off worries. Letting go is the best way to find your way back.

The round table - There is no Grand or Little man : you are as respectable, capable, important as any other being. You are important to the fates that intertwine to create new stories. Dare to act, express, fight for and honor. Show what you are made of.

Keywords : Seonghwa stan, animal crossing, showing your true colors, arthurian legends, mythology nerd, heaven on earth

This time again I had a dream. A dream where someone or something took you away from me. When I looked deeper, I saw my reflection in the eyes of the beast. And I understood that the only thing keeping me away from you was myself. I am scared to death. Scared that you won't love me for who I am. I'm afraid that my anger and my fire will burn you. I am not an easy person to be with. More than once, I have disappointed people around me. I disappointed myself. I'm afraid that I can't make you happy and give you the love and respect you deserve. You are like royalty. And I feel like a mere peasant. I'm afraid I have nothing much to bring to the table. I fear that I will dim your light instead of protecting and enhancing it. All kings have a queen. But if I'm a peasant, how could I ever dream to stand by your side? How could I ever raise to your level? I feel like there are worlds between us and terrible beasts to be slain before I can ever get to you. The journey ahead seems frightening. And I don't know where it will lead. If the path were to take me through hell only to make me lose you, I would never be able to forgive myself. I would never recover. So please, don't break my heart. And if you can, save yourself. Don't burn your wings trying to get me out of the well I fell in. Promise?

Group 3

Songs : My Power - Beyoncé, Comflex - Stray Kids, Don't go yet - Camilla Cabello Spirit animals : arctic fox, sea turtle, scorpion

Jet - Claim your space. Bismuth - Rewrite your code with rainbows. Sodalite - Deepen your intuition.

Keywords : Changbin and LeeKnow stans, self worth, body image issues, speaking your truth, destiny, intensity, blues, mental wellness, Blue Monday, Jutdae, Black Panther

Merlin oracle :

Arthur's fate - Be the hero of your own destiny.

The power of authenticity - Go beyond appearances.

The power of mischief - Laugh, laugh and laugh!

I feel so lucky to have you in my life. When I think of you, my heart lightens up because I know how special you are. You bow to no one and yet, somehow, you chose to let me in. You chose to trust me when no one would. To believe in me when all abandoned me. Surely, you must be a wizard or some deity. An angel maybe. Because never would I have ever thought that someone would care about me so deeply. I have never met someone like you. Someone so brave and powerful, so loving and kind, generous, fierce and loyal to a fault. I'm so addicted to you. In your energy, I feel safe and protected. I'm usually the kind to appear strong and fight for the people I love. But with you, I feel like I can be myself and let my guards down. With you, I know I will never be judged. I know I can be vulnerable without fearing that you'll stab me in the back. People have done that to me before, you know? But I know you would never. I trust you with my life. I can't wait to meet you. Where you at? What you up to? Do you miss me? Cause I sure as hell do. I want you all to myself. I know you are my destiny. Let's have fun together, shall we? I love you to the moon and back. Don't you dare forget me! Oh and no matter what you think, you are amazing. Don't let people bring you down, sunshine.

[tinfoil-jones]

Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch. 15

Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.

Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications

Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here

First - Prev - Next

CH.15

“Hey F, could I get some of that dip? Someone threw all of my cans of Snus away when he confiscated my stuff.”

“Sure thang, handsome. Oh- you sure you need that much Stan? You’ve cold-turkey’d nicotine for weeks now.”

“I’ll be fine, stretch. It’s not like I haven’t done worse for less.”

(...)

“Fiddleford, is there a particular reason Stanley is under the table in the recovery position?”

“He tried too much chew all at once, he’s got the nic-sick.”

“Stanley, I told you that you needed to quit that nasty habit! This is precisely why I threw your tobacco products away when you came here.”

“Y’know this headache was bad enough without you yelling at me.”

“I cannot believe you enabled him.”

“Stanford, he's a grown man, he’s allowed to use nicotine if he wants to.”

“He can still hear you. And you know what? I don’t think you ever need to bitch at me about it ever again, Doc. I’m not touching the stuff again for a long time…”

“It’s for your own good.”

“PhD, next time you think about saying that I want you to remember I’m not above hitting a guy with glasses.”

(...)

“Stan, how old are you?”

“Twenty-seven going on twenty-eight.”

“Do you remember when your birthday is?”

“Not the date, no. I know it’s late spring or early summer.”

“And I know your memories are hazy, but did you ever… celebrate it?”

“I think the last time I did was before I was on the streets. After that? There wasn’t a point, I was alone. Why do ya need to know, F?”

“I’m just checking is all.”

(...)

“Stanford, how old are you?”

“Twenty-seven.”

“When is your birthday?”

“June 15th.”

“And if I remember correctly from BMU, you never celebrate it?”

“Last time I did I was seventeen.”

“Can you tell me why?”

“I told you back then Fiddleford, I did not see a point, I was-...”

“Used to sharing it?”

“Why?”

“I’m just checking is all.”

(...)

“So each of these is supposed to be your, what, doctors cert?”

“Doctoral degree, and yes.”

“So you have a dozen of them?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. Twelve whole PhDs? That’s pretty cool.”

“...You really think so?”

“Yeah, most people don’t even got one -  but you got one for each finger huh?”

“That’s not why I-. Well, yes, I suppose I do.”

“Stanford! Stan! I’m back, come over to the kitchen!”

“Do ya know what he left for?”

“He did not say.”

“Why’d he turn out the ligh-.”

“Surprise!”

*Stan and Ford stop at the entryway to the kitchen. Fiddleford is standing next to the table, which has a sheet cake and twenty-eight lit candles*

“...”

“Fiddleford, what is this?”

“I know you said you don’t see a point to your birthday, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“Oh, it’s your birthday?”

“...Stanley. It’s not just my birthday.”

“Are you okay Stan? You’re looking spooked. I apologize if I put you on the spot-”

“N-No. I’m fine. It’s uhh- I don’t even know when my birthday is.”

“It’s today. We’re twins.”

“...”

“You still don’t believe-.”

“Wouldn’t, you know, the other guy, be upset?”

“There is no ‘other guy’, it’s literally you.”

“I’m- I don’t… I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Stanley, I understand you’ve stubbornly held onto the belief that I’m insane and trying to replace something I’ve lost-”

“The cake’s getting covered in wax here, fellers.”

“But I haven’t celebrated my birthday in a long time, because I’m used to sharing it. I am not trying to force you to, but I’m requesting you let me share it with you; I want to share it with you.”

“...Fuck it, I said I’d play along with your delusions until you got over it. Okay, PhD, I accept your offer. But I’m taking all of the corner pieces of the cake.”

“I can accept those terms.”

“Okay you two, I don’t think we got enough time to sing the happy birthday song before the candles melt themselves outta their wicks. So just blow ‘em out and make your wishes.”

(...)

“Hello, Dr. Stanford Pines speaking.”

“Stanford?”

“Hey Ma.”

“Happy birthday hon.”

“Thanks Ma.”

“Please tell me you celebrated your birthday this year. I know your last one couldn’t have been easy after-”

“I was busy with research last year. This year, yes I celebrated, I have… Company, this time.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. Listen hon, I know it hasn’t been easy without Stanley since… the accident.”

“I’ve had more than enough time to think about it. I am not going to lie to you and say I’m not upset at all, but it’s been long enough that I have other things to concern myself with.”

“I just want you to know if things get too hard, don’t be afraid to talk to your old Ma again.”

“...I’ll keep that in mind.”

“I love you, Stanford.”

“I love you too, Ma.”

To be continued…

[yunhogosailing]

women’s rights, stan culture, and “idolization”: what the fuck are we doing here?

tw: sexual abuse

i am absolutely dismayed to hear of the ongoing situation involving taeil, despite knowing very little about him as a person and having surface level knowledge of nct 127 as a group. i am even more dismayed at the discourse surrounding the way nctzens, especially taeil stans, have been reacting to the news since the announcement this morning.

i dont want to rant and ramble bc that helps nobody. i’ve read my fair share of thinkpieces on various platforms—some well thought out, some covering the bare minimum at best, and even more demonstrating a complete lack of understanding as to how we need to approach these subjects both as fans and as consumers. i feel as if everything that needed to be said has been said, but i do want to touch on a point of my own, and tell you all how you can help support the ongoing korean feminist movement.

it is not healthy to go about your entire life assuming that you will see the worst of someone eventually.

this is true for anyone you meet: an idol, a family member, a friend, and a complete stranger. i’m exhausted by all of the Hot Takes admonishing those who feel a sense of loss, sorrow, and disgust upon finding out that someone who they were led to trust could potentially be capable of doing something as heinous as what is being alleged against taeil.

“you don’t know these people” you’re correct! i most certainly do not.

“don’t put these people up on a pedestal” nobody is doing this by virtue of simply being a fan.

“as a boy group stan you should always keep in mind that men are shit.” are you starting to see my issue, yet?

you are not naive or stupid for believing the best in someone, even if this is a person you have never met and will never know on a more personal level than as a fan of an idol. i am exhausted with the seemingly popular belief that its somehow healthy or normal to navigate through life operating under the assumption that everyone around you has the capacity for violence and harm. it is not healthy. as a survivor of sexual abuse and harassment, one of the first things i had to regain over my life was a sense of control and sanity. this meant ridding myself of the fear that i could be re-victimized at any moment. statistically speaking, it was always a possibility. but realistically speaking, i was doing far greater harm to myself throughout my recovery when i was afraid of the men around me.

if you are an nctzen, if you are taeil biased, do not feel bad about being blindsided by this. do not start assuming that the other members must have been aware, or must be involved, or must have committed some crime of their own; that is simply not how the real world works. if you are a fan of boy groups, keep your standards high but do not view this as a reason to be hyper vigilant of the people you stan. do not assume the worst until they present you with the worst. expecting people to be decent is not idolizing someone. its when you refuse to hold them accountable to the actions that they have done that you cross the line between being a fan and being an enabler.

why is this important to keep in mind?

we as kpop stans are in a particularly unique position. we are consumers of a byproduct from a culture that is undergoing a severe women’s rights crisis.

just recently, a series of telegram groups were discovered in which hundreds of thousands of users created and shared artificial explicit materials (deepfakes) involving women and young girls spanning from kindergartners to university students to adults; family members, classmates, coworkers, etc. the figures of the perpetrators involved could potentially be as high as 300,000 individuals, and a overwhelming majority of those in these chats are believed to be men.

this incident is coming right off the tails of another, more infamous group of telegram rooms nicknamed “the Nth rooms”—where a number of men helped to orchestrate one of the largest cases of digital sex crimes in south korean history, victimizing over a hundred women and young girls for the purpose of disseminating violent sexually explicit materials.

even before the original Nth Room case, korean women had more than enough reasons to fear for their safety; molka (hidden camera) crimes were on the rise, with over 30,000 cases being reported between 2013 and 2018. korean women were being assaulted and killed in their homes and on the street for no reason (significantly high femicide rates are still an issue in south korea today). women were being prosecuted over the mere belief that they may be involved in the country’s feminist movement—experiencing professional repercussions over accusations such as reading a book, having short hair, or making a gesture. in the wake of this anti-feminist backlash, it became increasingly common for men to voice their discomfort for what they believe to be “radical” measures taken by korean women to ensure their safety and improve their futures. see, for example, rapper San-E who wrote a diss track towards feminists and is still able to walk these streets relatively unharmed due to his position of privilege.

the notion that you should always assume that every man you meet is a potential sex criminal or a misogynist is harmful simply because that is the exact reason why korean feminists have been working so hard to change the legislation surrounding sexual crimes for the last two decades. the ultimate goal of gender equality is having that reassurance that no matter what gender motivated crime is committed against you, you will be entitled to justice through the courts and free of the stigma of being a victim in society. korean women want to be able to interact with their brothers and fathers without worrying about ending up in a deepfake video. korean women want to be able to venture outside their homes at night without fear of being followed and abducted. korean women want to be able to use the restroom at work without having to check the stalls for microscopic recording devices. the idea that you should be weary of those around you and those who have gained your trust is detrimental to your mental health, and with this knowledge, korean women have been actively working tirelessly to ensure a future where they will not have to worry about this.

it could be your faves, but theres no guarantee that it will ever be or that it will never be. rather, work today to uphold the standard that women should be protected and hold those who have violated their rights as human beings to the full power of the law. keep the names of those who have suffered or died from violent crimes against women alive and their stories in the media. south korean feminists are asking for our help in spreading the news about the recent deepfake Nth rooms, because they are facing silence and noncompliance from domestic media outlets to do their due diligence in investigating this matter.

they are suggesting that you take korean news articles surrounding the deepfakes, or korean feminist posts discussing the telegram groups and any events that are being planned to protest for women’s rights, and run them through a translator if needed in order to share them with english speaking news media. the idea is that as long as international eyes are on the atrocities being committed against women in the country, the korean news cannot suppress their voices.

here are the twitter accounts that i know of who are taking the risk to share their stories and that of other south korean women:

link to profile

link to profile

link to profile

link to profile

link to profile

[wooimbouttamakeanameformyself]

Okay listen hoes.

I’ve been surfing these anti Danneel, anti Jenneel, anti this and anti that tags for like… over a year. I’ve always been watching from the sidelines with my lil bag of popcorn, given an anon ask every now and again to other blogs, but never bothered to make a post about it. Because I didn’t think it was relevant, correction, I didn’t think Elta was relevant enough to make a venting post about — which is why I’m baffled as to why she even has stans — but also I just figured in the long run, none of our speculations, opinions or posts about this lady mean anything to anyone.

Actually, I may be incorrect there, as the AA’s may butcher me, or worse… Danneel may get Cliff to make another post… sheesh!

But anyway, seeing this latest Wales con, I got a real bad case of FOMO and decided I wanna bitch on tumblr as well (no hate to the bitches, I love scrolling through everyone bitching about the ‘perfect’ couple)

Here’s my take on everything, even tho no one asked:

Yes, it is painfully, horribly, excruciatingly obvious that those two don’t even like each other let alone love each other.

But I’ve seen some people and blogs talk about Danneel physically abuse Jensen, which I just don’t personally believe — each to their own opinion, though — but I just personally haven’t seen any evidence or receipts of that being true. Emotional abuse, yes, verbal abuse, definitely. But physical is something I ain’t gonna say I think is happening.

Danneel’s a bitch, as we all know, as the stans like to pretend isn’t true. But I really don’t think Jensen’s a saint or a victim — and I say he isn’t a victim only because in the end, looking over the financial consequences and the custody of the kids thing that would come with a divorce, she has little hold over him. He has the fame, the money, and what do you wanna bet that all of the Elta followers would do a 180 on their ‘Kween’ if Jensen ever spoke up about anything? And by no means am I suggesting that men can’t be victims before anyone jumps down my throat, I’m just saying that Jensen has the capability to fight back to her or leave her if he wanted to.

But he won’t, because — and I’m bracing myself for the hate I’ll get for this — he’s also kind of a narcissist and a liar!!! 😱😱😱 surprised I’m still writing and wasn’t just assassinated on the spot for saying that lols! Dare I say… he’s just as bad as Danneel in some aspects? That he has pretty privilege? Though not so much anymore since he and Danneel have clearly started doing couples Botox sessions. Wooof I’m really pushing my luck.

Trailed off a lil there, but what I was supposed to say is that he won’t because he’s embedded some kind of belief into his mind that his career will crash and burn if he doesn’t have his perfect ‘family man’ image. Even though let’s be honest about two things, your marriage is probably doing more harm than good to your image, and buddy, you’re a c-list actor who’s acting range is zero to none — I mean, he couldn’t stand playing anyone other than Dean Winchester that he tried, and failed, to make a spin off of Supernatural just so he got to play a brooding, macho hunter again. Though look how that turned out — your career isn’t some sacred artefact that can’t dare even be scratched, all he does these days is make money from cons, and a very occasional cameo playing as Dean in a different font. I’m worried the dude has Foreign Accent Syndrome but with Dean Winchester — as in he’s done it for that long that its irreversibly in his consciousness, to the point Danneel has to tell him to stop being Dean at home (sure she got a dig out of him mentioning that in the panel)

But I’m trying to focus talking about this con so far — even though I’ve trailed off multiple times already — first of all, ignoring the fact it’s insane that Danneel’s even at a Suoernatural con when her character (which was a nepotism role) wasn’t even in a full season, served no purpose, wasn’t even a likeable character — unless you like vapid, vain, and poorly portrayed characters — and added nothing to the storyline. And yet she gets treated like she’s a main cast member? Half of Dean’s flings who were in half an episode served more to the plot that Anael did in the whole five episodes she was on the show! And it pissed me off that Danneel’s getting the sort of treatment of main cast when Gen’s character was actually important to the plot, yet she wasn’t at the con. Not that I think Gen’s that bothered, which shows the difference between her and Danneel.

And apparently she auditioned for every single female role??? HUH?? Are we talking about the same Ms Gurl who made fun of Supernatural in the earlier seasons, claimed to not wanting to interfere as it was Jensen’s thing, demeaned and made fun of fans on twitter, criticised her own husband’s role and showed doubt of the series duration??? Make it make sense.

I’m kind of relieved Jensen hasn’t shared any of his made up domestic stories of them, to try and make it seem like they can even stand each other, although it would’ve been interesting to see him talk about it with Danneel there — just to see her reaction, cause I’m certain Jensen just makes up these stories as he goes along. But I guess my guy couldn’t even manage that, probably not after how much Elta knocked him down in front of everyone — she barely did anything else other than make jabs at him the whole time. Surprised my girl didn’t go blue from all the snarky remarks she was making.

Oh wait, it’s ‘sarcasm’, right? Silly me, I forgot that ‘that’s how they are with each other’ 😐😐😐 even AA’s have spoke up about her behaviour in this con — shows how much effort those two are bothering putting in to keep up the image. But hey, I’m proud that some of the delusional Jenneel shippers have developed a frontal lobe, probably because their self-insert isn’t doing what they want her to be doing!

Anyway that’s all from me, my thumbs hurt, can’t believe I wrote so much. Free will is a crazy thing. Excited to see what kind of hate I get from this ✌️😝

This ain’t grammar checked before anyone bullies me.

[siyzuii]

HAVE YOU SHIFTED ALREADY GIRLIE? plus, you're a kpop stan and a shifter, THAT'S AMAZING XOXO <3

omg my tumblr keeps crashing i swear

anyway to answer your question! after surviving a lot of shifttok misinfo and 4 years of doubt i can finally say i have shifted a few times but only to parallel realities for now. i still see it as an achievement though!

the first time it was because i was losing my belief in shifting and i saw a lot of demotivating anti-shifting content but i just intended to shift to a parallel reality and did my own thing and boom guess what IT HAPPENED

it eased my doubts immediately and now i can shift to parallel realities effortlessly and sometimes even unintentionally, happens every 2 days or so.

buuuut that’s not my dr yet! i know i’m getting closer though (as you can see in my other recent post lol) and i’m getting vivid dreams about my dr and shifting and yesterday i also got REALLY close but i got woken up before i could ground myself there.

i would say i’m gonna try tonight (writing this right before bed) but i can’t say try because i KNOW i’m going to

good luck on your shifting journey i know you can do it! 🙏 if you’re seeing this just know that i doubted myself and shifting in general for (almost) 4 consecutive years, i even convinced myself it was just delusions for a while and it was all just so hard but here i am now, getting closer to ultimate success! i believe in you and everyone else who might be reading this! <3

[butwhatifidothis]

Hi, I'm really sorry if this does come off sounding rude. I've followed your 3h content for a while now so I was around to see the drama with raxis and things like moonlitboar occur. It really does suck and I've seen a lot of toxic edelgard stans myself in the fandom. I do understand how raxis does tend to block evade thus making it a prolonged conflict with no easy end. But I can't help but feel that the discord screenshots you've posted have not helped in resolving the conflict. I don't think that you have been wrong about the culture of toxicity inside the discord but I feel that the discord screenshots may have escalated the conflict since now there are people there who are becoming very paranoid about about "spying" (which in itself a little bit of a grey area because it is a public discord) . But I think that paranoia in the discord now has the potential to turn really ugly and further radicalize more people in the discord. And because there are some neutral people in that discord who do seem to want to just block and ignore/tired of some arguments, I think that an end to the discord screenshots would keep them from being swayed by the paranoia/ a sign of good faith. I really don't think that you are in the wrong when it comes to this whole thing with raxis. I think that raxis's actions and behavior do deserve to be called out in the past and present. But I just feel like trying to call out one person is one thing but a whole discord is just a very huge and impossible challenge. I think that the discord is just best left ignored as these people have clearly made it clear that they really don't want to be reasoned with or want to change and I think that they are getting really dangerous. I really do hope this doesn't come off as both sides are bad because I do believe that this problem has always originated from Raxis. Sorry this got so long and I really do wish you all the best.

It's no problem; I understand where you're coming from.

What I feel about it is this: people from outside the server did not know the depths this server was sinking into. Leaving them alone as we have been would have resulted in them continuing to go on as though everything was fine as long as they confined their rhetoric to a certain spot; I feel it's important to remind people that that is not true, as that would only isolate the problem while doing nothing to actually rectify it or stop it from getting worse (even though this of course isn't going to magically cure everything either, to be clear).

Even well before I posted these specific screenshots, they were paranoid about the entire fandom "persecuting and targeting" them for "no reason," they were paranoid about how everyone is "out to get" Edelgard in FE's general fandom spaces, they were paranoid that every single other person who ever criticizes them is some form of evil bigot (which would normally be a bit of an exaggeration, if it wasn't for them genuinely saying this every single time something like this happens); at worst, this will just be used as yet another scapegoat to continue their self-fulfilling prophecy of being generally disliked in the fandom. At best, this warns people about what's been going on - a miracle could even happen and some of the people in the server can see what the higher ups in their server have been letting slide and leave.

I called out Raxis because of the harm he was (and, frankly, still is) doing to others, and I am doing the same to the Edelgang discord because of the harm their mods have either allowed to happened or have outright participated in themselves. Given the general consensus of people from the outside's reactions (that being shock and/or disgust), I think it's ultimately important to warn people of harmful actors and the rhetoric they spread.

Especially given how they responded. If there was any sign of remorse for what was done - Shandale disavowing their previous beliefs, or if that didn't happen them getting unmodded/banned/some sort of action done from the mod team, or even just some pushback from the general members (something they were more than ready to do in defense of Raxis, and something they were willing to do when these sentiments were first said) - I would have been more than ready to delete the screenshots and apologize for showing them. But their defense of it - that it was "taken out of context," as though what was said could ever be alright to say, as though they do in fact stand by them - shows the importance of calling this behavior out.

They do not think it was that bad. They think these sentiments are okay to have, as long as they are in the "right context." And I don't think it's okay for people to not know that given how dangerous the rhetoric is

[hobunaga]

Who are YOUR top blood of youth characters and ships??!!

(This is jianghushenanigans btw I can’t change the blog I send asks from)

oh hi!! I just want to clarify that I'm still pretty new to the series and most of the information I know is from the Donghua instead of the live action. On top of that, I've only seen Season 2 and 3 of the Donghua since Season 1 was wiped off Youku for some reason so I never got to see what happens in it. I have no idea what happens in season 1 of the Donghua and began watching the live action to find some answers... news flash, I am still really confused by a lot of stuff because it doesn't seem accurate to what was depicted in the flashbacks of the donghua and what happened in the first 10 episodes of the live action? Not entirely sure why though....

Anyways, I'm on episode 14 of the live action and only watched Season 2 and 3 of the Great Journey of Teenagers Donghua. On top of this, I am watching the Dark River donghua series and I just got caught up 2 days ago. I plan to watch the Brewmaster series but I want to catch up on what is going on in the live action first. It's hard juggling 2 timelines.

ANYWAYS, who are my favorite characters? I'll just go top 3 for now.

in third place, it's Lei Yunhe.

He is just so damn hot idk??? like my god did they have to design him looking so damn cunty? He's just visually stunning but I don't know too much about his backstory. From what I understand, he's very sad because of his arm situation but I was almost 80% sure he had 2 hands until I watched the live action and saw he only had 1. Even his liveaction counterpart is beautiful... like what???? men???? anyways. I only like him visually, his personality and storyline I'll have to reread to understand what really happened.

in second place, it's Lei Wujie.

He is my son, I birthed him myself. It's true. I did. jk jk jk. He's just so adorable and the typical main character archetype you usually see in donghuas... but he's very precious and I just want to protect him. I think out of everyone in the story, he has the most growth and I love to see him win. Gosh 2 Lei's in the top 3??? Am I a Leimen stan?

in first place, it's Su Muyu

He is just so ugly, so strange, and so prickly??? but I love him. His character is very dynamic and unique, I love seeing someone with strong intentions but an even stronger belief battle out their differences in the essence of the story. He's an assassin but he's not ruthless or destructive, he just wants to get the job done and not hurt anyone that doesn't need to be hurt.

I just really like his character in general, even his pale sickly design... But I do not like how they wrote him in his spin off series, Dark River.

THIS CHARACTER IS JUST NOT HIM, tf??? They turned him into a typical main character archetype all because they didn't want a morally gray main character running the show. He is not Su Muyu from Blood of Youths and I refuse to believe this is canon yet cause... WTF IS THIS SU MUYU??? Why did they do this to him? They gave him a cool wife though and I love her to bits but they could have left him morally gray and clinically depressed. Either way, I am watching to see if his personality will eventually shift into the Su Muyu we see in the present day or if they're going to keep him as this shining protagonist... this will change in the near future.

HONORABLE MENTION: Mu Yumo

so the main reason why I like her is because in the Blood of Youth, she's wearing ethnic Miao clothing. Which I too am Miao so I thought she was a Miao woman but it turns out... it's just her outfit for the Donghua. In Dark River she also underwent the same changes that Su Muyu did and I am not sure how I feel about her in the Dark River series. She's funny for sure but I will have to keep watching to make a concrete decision about her.

overall, my favorite is, Hot guy, my son, and ugly but cool goth guy.

My Favorite ships are

in third it's Lei Wujie and Ye Ruoyi

I think they have so much potential, I want Lei Wujie happy and I wouldn't mind a polycule with Xiao Se or Shikong in there either. They're an adorable pair and I hope they both get together.

in second it's Xiao Se's brother and his servant

specifically the live action cause they just seem to understand and support each other without any fail. I don't remember his servant showing up in the Donghua but at least in the liveaction it seems Xiao gege is very much one to let him touch him freely and hold his hand. How cute is that?

In first place, it's Su Muyu and Bai Hehuai

I know this isn't Blood of Youth but I'm gonna cheat and put this in here because I really like them together. I just wish they made Su Muyu closer to the version he is in the Blood of Youth storyline rather than this shining main character syndrome he has become. I don't know where she is in current story but I hope she doesn't die later on....

ALL IN ALL, I like a lot of ships besides these main 3. Lei Wujie x Xiao Se x Tang Lian x Shikong, x Ye Ruoyi x Fairy Rui x Wuxin... they'd all be a cute couple together or separate or anything really. I also like the idea of Lei Yunhe and Zhao Yuzhen in a way??? I can't imagine Lei Yunhe with Li Hongyi though cause I don't know how related they are and his brother/best friend is interested in her already. I like Li Hongyi with the pretty master who also lives in Xueyue city. Another weird couple is Mo Yi and Baili Dongjun cause he agrees to stay with him for 10 years.... and Su Muyu and Mu Yumo because she supports him and I can fuck with that.

Since I am new to the series though, these are subject to change. Thank you for asking... I probably got so many details wrong though.

[savagewildnerness]

I read all of the Vampire Chronicles as a teenager; some of the later ones, as they were released. I only ever reread TVL & QOTD as they’re my favourites (especially TVL which I have reread many, many times since then)… although I know when I was a teenager I also adored Memnoch the Devil & that was the only book I felt I wanted other people to read it too.

I think I never reread Memnoch because of Lestat’s existential questioning & the deep impact the book had on me & not long after I read it, my Dad died. It isn’t that I ever believed in God myself. My Mum is Catholic, but I wasn’t brought up religious & my Dad didn’t believe. But where I could have said I was agnostic till then, after my Dad died that was an absolute no for me. I had to know for certain what I believed.

And I think part of why Lestat is such a powerful character; The Character to me is that his reasoning underlay my personal development & so he helped me when I had to delve deep into what I believed in the most difficult context (when someone is dead, you wish you could believe in more, at least because it would give some comfort and so be easier… but I do not believe that. I believe when we are dead, that is it: utterly dead, dead, dead, gone.)

Anyway… I think I’m going to go through all the chronicles now. Not just my favourites. I don’t know: does it seem silly that when I do deep existential questioning or sink into dark questioning of my fundamental beliefs, Lestat is ALWAYS there with me? He is who I talk such matters over with, I suppose… and that’s despite that only 2 of the books did I ever reread till now. But Memnoch particularly had such an impact on me that even having never reread it, its impact is still the same now. Although I’m a bit afraid to reread that in case I don’t feel it the same now I’m not a teenager???

Well, TVL was actually the first Anne Rice book I read ever, but I am returning now to Interview with the Vampire for the first time since I was in my young teens & this page has just broken my heart. I was young when I first read this book. I wasn’t thinking about Anne Rice herself at all; only the book. I doubt I knew, when I read it about Anne’s own daughter.

But reading it now, knowing the context in which it was written, I hear Claudia’s challenge to Lestat & Louis “Which of you made me what I am?” as something veiled, but deeper too: Anne making her daughter challenge her & Stan (incidentally Stan was my Dad’s name too) as to why she had to die. (Not saying this was her daughter’s feeling in reality in any way ever, or even necessarily Anne’s intention. Only what I felt just now.)

Anyway - No wonder Lestat & Louis had to be redeemable, loveable, beautifully in love vampires by The End Of It All, in order to overcome this pain & trauma & the impossibility of the wrongness of death (that any soul can cease is unimaginably awful. Incomprehensible when that’s your own child & you have no power over it) that is surely impossible to ever overcome in reality, but which (o the joy of fiction), in fiction, these characters can be loveable, loved & they can be “redeemed”, they can be ok, they can endure & they can even become The Character eternally, just like their immortal selves for I am sure thousands of people, just like (you &?) me.

[goldenhypen]

hi em! i was gonna make this anonymous but ta heck w tht LOL okay so this is gonna b a long one js bc i wanna b as clear as possible for u but i jus wanna kno ur opinion on this n im sorry if this sounds redundant (given what ur whole acc is abt) but i saw this tiktok that was basically talking abt how ppl who read rp (real person) fanfics r weird , disgusting , and freaks (that one hurt ngl😭) and ig bc i never interacted w ppl who read them i had no idea this was such a controversial thing yk? so it kinda hurt and i got hella defensive bc these fics have helped me thru some hard times n r my safe space (esp ur acc i love it sm ur fics r quick n easy reads but so so good! and i love tht u write wholesome sfw fics i don’t like / can’t read nsfw rp fics) and r good when i need a quick romance fix bc i have none irl (tmi fr sorry!) but honestly it made me feel horrible abt myself bc im like damn am i sick freak for reading this even tho i read the sfw n wholesome ones?? n they were sayin the y/n , self inserts were even worse! 😭 n idk if this makes me ignorant but for the life of me i couldn’t figure out what made it weird! nsfw ones r different but regular romance or fantasy? esp since i never see this take when ppl mention they used to read one direction fanfics or mindless behavior & august alsina ones (these were popular among the black community for context!) like everyone laughs n reminisces i feel like ppl r a lot more critical n harsh on kpop stans tbh but i even thought abt deleting my tumblr bc i felt wrong for doing so it made me question myself for awhile just being honest anyways i’ll get off my soapbox im so sorry this is so long i jus wanted to give as much context and detail as possible! if this is too much please disregard but idk i just wanted an opinion on this take from a fix writer and i assume u read some too correct me if i’m wrong! thanks so incredibly much in advance and i hope we can b friends one day! 🧸🎀✨💌💕🫶🏽

this is so real of you omg ok first of all, thank you for going out of your comfort zone to do this! things like this make me so happy cuz you coming out of your way to do this (comfort wise and time wise since it must’ve taken you a while to write sm, esp considering the technical difficulties 😭) makes it all the more meaningful. and i rlly appreciate you coming to me of all ppl too! so thank you!

secondly, i agree with you on all the things you had to say !! i was once in your shoes, and if i’m being completely honest, a part of me is still navigating this as well. like some things i still question for example is if there is rlly nothing wrong with this, why do i feel the need to hide that i read/write? but for the most part, rn i am definitely set on there being absolutely nothing wrong with this! i can definitely see where these other ppl are coming from if they had never thought much of fanfiction or reader inserts etc. bc it’s probably similar to how i felt before being more exposed to fanfiction. but imo these are fantasies i just imagine in my head anyway and are almost like dreams to me yk? and so imo, they’re harmless. in fact, writing and reading ffs help grow my creativity, which is smth i value. cuz not only am i doing this for entertainment, i’m also doing it for the art (this is in terms of writing more so than reading but can still apply to both). however, similar to you, i do believe that imagines can be taken too far, as that is what aligns with my beliefs, such as nsfw fics (which is not anything personal at all to nsfw writers!). that imo can be harmful for the mind and spirit etc. (sorry if this is getting too deep and personal 😭)

ugh this is honestly so nice to talk about and have someone relate to on this cuz literally the things you are saying describe me !!! and dw, i have and never had any love life,, it’s non existent, believe it or not! so dw, you’re not alone 😭 like we can be delulu tgt 😭😭 and ahahaha yesss like i can’t tell you the amount of times i considered deleting this app or stopping writing/reading. it was challenging to process. but after doing so, i have come to the conclusions i mentioned earlier (how i think reading sfw fics are harmless). it’s literally just a form of harmless entertainment lol so i don’t see why ppl have to be so judgmental about it and can’t just mind their own business 😭 so dw, coming from a fellow reader and someone who has faced the same dilemma, you are not at all a freak 😭 and don’t let anyone let you think otherwise 😤☹️

also i can’t go without saying a huge thank you for all the kind things you had to say about my works :((( <3 that is so sweet of you to say and is so encouraging. it’s smth i’m finding i need a lot of, esp lately, so i rlly appreciate that and it means a lot. this whole ask and talking about this is rlly quite meaningful to me tbh 😭 so thank you for coming to me and being so brave to bring this up! 🫶🏻 also, yes let’s be friends omg !! i’d love that 🥹🫶🏻

[sycamore-brooke]

WELCOME TO THE BLOG OF INFINITE BULLSHIT

I’m Sycamore or Jordan, your typical autistic who was just a little too obsessed with ancient history and decided to turn it into my entire personality. This is a side blog, I follow and like from my-turn-on-the-x-box.

I’m a Hellenic pagan although I’m the kind of pagan that believes in all the gods, I just choose to worship the Greek ones. I make a lot of jokes about them but do please keep in mind this is my religion and I would appreciate that being as respected as any other one would be.

My pronouns are he/they/ze/it, 20, gay, from Midwest United States. I work with a lot of the gods but the main two are Hephaestus and Tyche, although I’m starting to work with Dionysus a lot more recently. My practice leans towards chaotic witchcraft with an overtone of chthonic themes and working with spirits. Say that five times fast lmao.

I’m physically and mentally disabled (autistic, EDS, unspecified joint deformities) and this is a Hephaestus stan blog.

I plan on working as a historian and anthropologist with a focus on disability and death in the ancient world and how that relates to our beliefs today.

I’m a writer, working on my debut novel.

This blog focuses on history content and memes (mostly memes I need to be honest with myself), Greek themes specifically, Rick Riordan’s universe, witchcraft but please do not see me as an expert I am a dumbass with candles and cards, and the occasional mentions of disability, politics, drug use (marijuana, alcohol, vaping/cigarettes), and dark topics of history such as death war or violence. If these themes bother you kindly step away now, I will stress I am autistic there’s no way you’ll make me feel bad for my special interests.

I’m also a huge fan of the Dragon Ball franchise and Team Four Stars abridged version so expect plenty of references to that and me finding ways to connect that to history.

If you find the TFS reference in this post here’s your cookie 🍪

Have a good day. Learn something new.

[mystomachfeelsawful]

I turned 30 this year. My brother (who is literally getting ready to plan out his life as a father lol) told me that 30 was going to change me. That I was going to transform at 30. I scoffed at this. Ridiculous. 

I feel like a real artist. For the first time in, literally forever. 

I gigged so much in 2022. I directed 5 plays and 4 workshops and had an additional 3 where I was a playwright, each on a scale I’d never dreamed of. I finished first drafts of three musical theatre books, a whole complete draft of Woking Phoenix, did my first tour and won a sparkly trophy.  

I’ve never worked this much in my life. At the end of 2019, I was getting ready to direct at a community theatre with a leadership team that frankly, didn’t want me there. I was barely making ends meet financially (though I had convinced myself otherwise) and was working a catering job where my favourite supervisor was quickly becoming a Ben Shapiro “centrist” stan. So yeah, I dunno, success.

But I think somewhere along the way, I realized that I think, for maybe the first time, I needed to work on myself. Beyond me as an artist. On my 30th birthday, my summer roommate Thomas and I decided to have a dumpling party for me. We invited a bunch of people over to make dumplings at my house, friends, students and just have a birthday party. I don’t usually host parties, or really host anything aside from theatre things. I haven’t had a real birthday party for just friends since I was a kid. 

A whole bunch of people showed up. Like, lots of people. And we kept making dumplings, frying them, eating them. Just a bunch of buds, former students, friends. And I just felt really loved. Felt really taken care of.

And I think, I realized that this was a part of my life I was missing - like living a more full life meant more than just making art I believed in. Mind, you, I think me feeling success as a theatre artist was the catalyst for this, as I think I had convinced myself in my twenties that I could not be happy unless I had achieved career success first (which stems back to a lot of other things), but yeah. I think Adam was right. Something did change.

Here’s some things that happened this year.

1 - I taught and directed at two theatre schools - the University of Toronto Missisauga and Toronto Metropolitan University. Both Hookman and Servant were two of the largest projects I’ve ever worked on in terms of scale - a far cry from the fringe shows I’m used to working on. I got white models, a woodshop was working on the project, people would show me samples of fabrics and prints before rehearsals. I had a moment during the tech of Servant where I saw Sarah’s set load in and I got emotional. I wasn’t getting heatstroke in a garage. I was directing a real show with real moving parts in a non-festival setting.

More importantly, I was able to direct on my own terms (more on this in the next point). I always resented the theatre school guest director who flew in from somewhere exotic, spoke down to the students and then flew away - I always resented the guest director that students were scared of. So I really tried to treat the students like they were professionals on my indie productions, with the same level of scrappy tenacity and being really honest when things weren’t working without making them feel shame. 

Teaching also presented some challenges - especially that of balancing pedagogy and directing. How do you nurture students while also giving them a sense of rigor? How do you adapt to folks who aren’t benefitting/don’t work with your process? How do you deal with class dynamics that can exist outside and inside a room? I learned a lot from both experiences and am excited to use what I learned in Winnipeg when I fly out in two months(!). I take teaching really seriously because my first theatre school teachers failed me (in both crushing my sense of belief in myself and feeling like I belonged in this industry). It’s our job as educators to not only give students rigor, but a sense that they can do this if they have strong process. Hungry to get back in the ring.

2 - I put my demons to rest at TMU. I feel every year I end up talking about Ryerson and how hurt I was, etc. Never did I think I’d be directing there so soon in my career, and never did I think I’d be directing a dream show there.

I read Hookman early in pandemic and immediately fell in love with it as a script. It was wild, violent and had a deeply moving core. Also, it seemed like it was an impossible play on the indie scale I usually work at. How do you do a fight in a moving car onstage? How can characters get stabbed and profusely bleed - with actual stage blood. Hookman felt like a project I’d work on when I was well into my “career” and could find a theatre that could fully back in.

Much to my surprise, Hookman happened earlier than I thought. 

Walking outside RTS (rip the old building) has always given me a sense of small dread. It represents a journey I wasn’t able to finish, one I desperately wanted to finish at the time, but was told by the faculty (repeatedly) that I should leave. As immature as this is, I never got to do a fourth year show, I never got to even speak in class (the acting class in the first semester is one where you have to be silent), so the school has always existed as a weird mark of failure for me. I was kind of worried I’d be triggered going back there. 2/3 of the faculty that sat on my panel as I was told to leave (and then told that I could use the yoga I learned to lose weight in my real life) were still teaching there. 

I set up protocols. Those folks weren’t allowed in my rehearsal room. They weren’t allowed to email me, etc. I wanted to make sure that the room was a safe space for me in returning back to a site that’s haunted me for the last 12 years.

I didn’t need those protocols. What I got was a process where I met incredible collaborators and where we all got to put up our best work in the hottest rehearsal space I’ve ever worked in (not sexually. thermally. 370 was a sauna and I have no idea how Desmond fought in what was essentially a full morph suit every rehearsal). A process where the students fought for me as much as I fought for them. A process where, I think, we all left as stronger artists.

As we all sat in the basement of the creative school after our show (and the subsequent quasi-techie dance that followed), and we kind of all cried together and shared stories of how proud of each other we all were, I kind of felt my RTS demons leave me. My closure toward RTS wasn’t destroying the school or cancelling my problematic teachers, it was being the leader I didn’t have when I was there. Someone who pushed, but also encouraged students to be great artists, that even if the run/work wasn’t strong that day, it was still always achievable. Where we could laugh at failure openly and view success as not an end destination, but another thread to rediscover in the run. Where they didn’t have to leave the program with a big chip on their shoulder, but with work everyone was genuinely proud of.

I feel really grateful to have the TMU experience that I did. I feel I can walk past the Creative School with a wonderful sense of closure. I had my fourth year show, but it was on my terms and put the students first. And no letter or probationary status can take that away from me.

Also, if you want me to vouch for any of my students at UTM or TMU, shoot me a line. Wild about them and all of their work. 

3 - Quitting. A big part of this year was also learning to value my own self worth as an artist and a person. Another beautiful part of working so much was the ability to say no to projects at any point. A lot of my own work in pandemic has been recognizing my own self worth and recognizing that I don’t need to make theatre all the time regardless of work conditions - no matter if the project is near and dear to my heart or it isn’t. That sacrificing myself for the greater good or someone else’s needs is not something I ever want to do. I left projects this year because the environment was abusive, the organizational structure was dreadful, or it was simply time to go. It doesn’t matter what the project is, if the vibe feels wrong or something feels off, I can’t do it.

This also applies to people. I ended some friendships this year and cut some people out. I think sometimes you can only try so much before you realize that something isn’t working and that person isn’t worth your energy anymore.

4 - After June 12th and the aforementioned birthday party, I entered the world of online dating. After not dating for 8 years because of an ex who messed me up, I think I reached a point where I was happy with myself enough to see if it was for me again. I had a goal of going at just one date by August 30th.

And man, what a weird ride that was. I met a whole slew of people, from someone who told me that she didn’t believe that she could be happy if she was single, to someone else who tried to get me into bitcoin, to a weirdly quiet date where someone told me her only goal in life was to make a lot of money so she could become a landlord.

I think though, in spite of all of the weirdos (myself included), the normies, the awkward silences and the occasional moments of genuine connection, I felt braver after this summer, like I started to figure out what I wanted in other people, but also when a connection was genuinely forming. I also started viewing myself as genuinely attractive as a human, not just an artist, someone who could desire and be desired. So yeah, pretty rad. 

5 - I feel like if my twenties were about learning about myself as an artist, my thirties could be about learning about myself as a human - about putting myself first always and not compromising my own needs for other people. I feel genuinely like 2022 was the happiest and most secure I’ve been as an artist and a human. I did a lot of things for just me that were private goals - going to the reference library and reading a bunch of plays, walking from Science World to the Cultch, hosting an impromptu taco birthday for someone I barely knew, starting an activity club in the summer, eating terrible food at a theme restaurant, or just having a whole week to myself to play video games. I’m really fucking content and I want to keep doing that and being that. If that means leaving the party early to play God of War, or just taking time to quietly walk through a new neighbourhood, I really like myself these days and all of my weirdness.

PLAYS

1 - Is God Is

2 - Post Democracy

3 - Love You Wrong Time 

4 - Killing Time 

5 - Queen Goneril

THINGS ON SCREENS (not all new releases in 2022!)

1 - Sort Of

2 - The Bear

3 - Shiva Baby 

4 - Causeway

5 - Cyberpunk: Edgerunners 

6 - The Northman

MEMORIES

1 - Standing on the shores of wreck beach with Maddie, talking about where we were going, who we wanted to be and things we were saying no to.

2 - Walking home from every rehearsal as the sun set, or during a winter afternoon and feeling like, holy shit, I’m doing this.

3 - The whole noche buena workshop.

4 - Hookman’s opening. 

5 - That dumpling party.

6 - Going to the reference library over the summer and grabbing more plays than my hands could hold, sifting through them until I found one that I couldn’t put down.

7 - Seeing Servant’s set for the first time. 

8 - Hearing Meat and WOKING PHOENIX for the first time in front of a live audience after endless zoom meetings (4 years combined total for both).

[beta-lactam-allergic]

I never understood why some neopagans stan Lilith so much (note I said some, I know plenty of you don't, as I know IRL ones who don't like Lilith). If you want a badass female goddess to worship, Inanna/Ishtar is right there. If you want a goddess with creepy vibes but don't want to actually worship evil, then you don't need to whitewash Lilith, Ereshkigal is right there. I didn't have to move outside of the Fertile Crescent for either of these two. I also don't need to be an expert on pre-Christian & pre-Islamic Middle East religions as these are the two of the most well-known Sumerian deities. Nor did I have to pick deities that were obscure at the time, these were widely worshipped deities from at least the time of the first writing all the way to just after the Roman Empire's official adoption of Christianity. There's evidence that Inanna was worshipped in some remote corners as late as the early 1600s.

Though @vigilantsycamore did mention that @mynameis-agatha is a TERF. Maybe the fact that one of Inanna/Ishtar's roles was the protector of trans women & that she had transgender priestesses was enough to make TERFs iffy about her. As a transwoman, I have a fondness for Inanna & Cybele even though I'm not an actual believer (I don't believe in any religion myself, but I don't see anything wrong with other people being religious as long as they aren't missionary or persecutory about it). But couldn't the TERFs have just either looked for more obscure Mesopotamian deities or alternatively, walked just a bit further over to Greece & adopt Artemis as their patron. That still makes more sense than worshipping the infanticide demon.

If you want creativity & freedom to insert your own ideas onto ancient divinities while still have a thin veneer of historicity, there's still no need to imagine a pre-Hebrew Lilith (which if she's a thing is probably the Akkadian Lilitu which yeah @vigilantsycamore already pointed out why that's still evil demon territory). Just imagine a pre-Greek Athena. Athena's name can't be traced to PIE (Proto-Indo-European for non-linguistics nerds) & she doesn't have a counterpart in other IE-polytheistic based religions. This means the proto-Myceaneans must have picked up worship of Athena from the pre-Greek peoples of what's now Greece (Pelasgians & Minoans). But as so many of her myths involve interactions with characters of IE origins, it's actually relatively easy to toss aside those elements as later additions (many actual historians & archaeologists would even agree with you) & then make up your own stuff to fill the void (this is where you would lose all of those historians & archaeologists as they prefer an honest "we have no clue", but religion is meant to serve people's needs in the present, new doesn't mean bad here).

Actually, the evolution of different polytheistic belief systems is a fascinating topic & I recommend reading into it even if you don't plan to actually become a neopagan. I'm not a neopagan, but I am a history nerd & would one day like to write a fantasy novel with a Bronze Age vibe (settings based on medieval Europe are overdone & frankly the Bronze Age & Iron Age are more interesting to me). So looking into the different religions of the time period & how they evolved ends up being part of that.

what is the sids demon..

Lilith.

In Judaism she is a demon which kills babies. Sids, sudden infant death syndrome, was attributed to her before any scientific discovery was made regarding it.

Neo pagans love to act as if she's some girl boss diety and not a baby killing demon from jewish texts

[sneezemonster15]

i can totally understand why young girls would ship SS in the early-mid 2000’s. it was so easy to self-insert. take me for example, i was a young child with an unrequited crush on a popular boy and a total loser. i projected hard. she started getting on my nerves really quick tho. by the time i figured out how to watch shippuden (it was only available online in my country) i could no longer stand her. i know many people grew out of that ship as they matured themselves and realized just how bad it was, but i seriously don’t understand how so many of the og fans are still around, reveling in scraps given to them only in the form of non-canon material. it’s so embarrassing. and knowing that so many grown ass women cling to that nasty ship as if their lives depend on it makes me squirm in discomfort.

Wait I am confused. This person was a boy or a girl?

I think I understand. I know for a fact that there are many SNS fans who once were SS shippers. But they grew up and took responsibility for how they consumed media, which happens when a certain amount of self awareness sinks in..with time and experience..internally processing data received from the external world, which as a result, sharpens your intuition. Which then directly affects how you view and then process further external data. Data gathered from real life and media.

I suspect that many SS/NH shippers who are insanely delusional about their ship are simply operating on emotions. Think about the kind of arguments they give others. They know what constitutes canon, what doesn't. They know SNS is legit, it's all fucking there. They know SS is bullshit, they know Kishi mocks Sakura and SS like no one's business (like honestly, who's asking him to do it? Really what obligation is he under? This otherwise humble, quietly intelligent, kinda goofy, a bit childlike and deeply introspective at the same time, and frankly kinda mousy man, says such blatantly snarky and downright insulting shit about his own characters as if he ain't the author who is freaking writing them that way in the first place. Lol, no really, Kishi is a bundle of contradictions himself.) Lol.

But coming back, I really do struggle sometimes to find the right tone to talk about SS stans or address them. I suspect internet and anonymity gives them a free rein to exercise fulfilment of desires indiscriminately. They can behave however they want, believe whatever makes them happy and no one gets to destroy that as long as they are fulfilled. Numbers help. Stans give and receive validation from their peers. Whatever external validation they need to keep believing in SS ship, despite everything that negates it in canon, they get from others in their ship and they give validation to them in return. A sense of community builds. There's strength in numbers. And so dogmas and headcanons acquire a semblance of truth for them, through this very effective echo chamber, it fortifies their wacky theories and headcanons and they sheath themselves deliberately from reason, or anything that threatens to question their beliefs/belief systems that serve the object of their self comfort, desire, fulfilment. Their beliefs are really emotional in nature, you can't fight emotions, and internet gives them a platform to experience those emotions. Age doesn't matter if one isn't self aware. Lots of old people are shitty. Of course, I don't support enabling it but I guess I understand it a bit. Because I also get emotional here. I feel much more free to experience my raw emotions without trying to camouflage it too much. I reasoned with myself soon after joining this fandom, my first fandom, that here, I was a fan first, so I shouldn't judge myself too harshly for my opinions and understanding. A lot of which is way more emphatic compared to how much I would let it show it IRL. Media, stories and art have that effect on people.

And I feel conflicted sometimes. But well, the same reason exculpates me as well. I can be emotional and talk about them freely because this is a fandom and we are all here because of the same story that affected all of us. The only difference is we are insecure about different things. Lol.

Which is why I make it a point to not interact with them, because I know I would lose my patience with them much sooner than I with other people I don't generally agree with.

I understand why women do it. Even if I cannot relate with Sakura. So I vent on this platform while not actively engaging them.

But at the end of day, I feel everyone should expect so much more from themselves because more than anything else, Sakura's and Hinata's characters by design are so limited. Like I know it's all tied up with their self esteem, or its lack thereof, but at least don't glorify something that makes you this limited and miserable. Don't tell me it's better than everything else and is the best thing in the world because it is not. It is so small, So cheap. Such a piddling thing, so reductive and limiting and humiliating. Why project on those two? You should expect so much better from yourself. Like why can't you dream bigger at least in your imagination? Where you can have everything or anything you want, and nothing gives you a better opportunity to do that than media, but you choose the most limiting of all things and characters? Isn't it suffocating and painful? Well, in any case, just don't glorify it, turning a blind eye to facts and then gaslight me for my stuff. That's not acceptable. Even if I know where you are coming from, don't justify it. It gives the wrong impression to others, especially other women, who have enough odds stacked against them already for you to jump in on the bandwagon too, and being women yourselves no less, it's humiliating for both of us.

They use their emotions as a free ticket to say and do things indiscriminately, without thought and honesty. Cultivating emotions (and sharing them) should enrich you and help you grow, not make you regress even more.

[bluewinnerangel]

I just found out your a quarantine larrie 🥺 due to a an ask of yours on dash. Your anon asked how did us veteran larries survive [it's been chaos all I can say] but I'd like to know as a veteran larrie how have you newer stans managed? Like you came in 20 chapters into a story with like 5 different spinoffs how did you manage to learn all that happened prior? I saw it all first hand since I've been a fan since xfactor. I even remember seeing the gossip news channels talk about the scandalous situation of Taylor being spotted alone on a boat while Harry was out partying with friends. But for someone like you who didn't see this play out first hand how did you manage to learn about all this stuff? Was it difficult?

You have activated the ramblesTM:

You know how much time there is in quarantine, that's how. I stumbled upon this bluegreenworld, became obsessed to have a conclusion (larry real or not) for myself, so I just didn't stop till I got there. I'm not gonna pretend I cared about these boys at that point, it just became a challenge for myself to have a conclusion. Like entertaining a crazy conspiracy not because I want it to be a thing, just, I'm curious and I like entertaining the thought of something to see where it leads. Trying to see the logic of someone who is claiming something that isn't the default GP thought. Basically, I just wanted to know what you all were going on about lol. And in the process of watching them I just fell in love with them and now we're here. Larries have done an incredibly impressive work archiving their screaming, and if you know how to find stuff it's not difficult. But I'm very very super skeptical (although now i don't sound like it now, i just.. concluded harry and louis are ridiculous in the best way and am operating from that point of view :') ) and basically didn't listen to anyone's interpretations. Like I read all the masterposts I could get my hands on (not just larrie things also just ppl debunking the whole thing, any type of anti out there, haylors, zarries, xarries, narries, elounories, whatever else name merge you can think of, people that were set on proving their beloved 2 favs were it and larries are wrong, also I came to tumblr just before that portrait blog changed so a lot of views were coming to me in real time as there was a shitload of debunking going on, debunking the debunks, reposting certain moments, so many takes), I learned how tumblr worked and found the people who kept pretty archives. Then for some events I just went to the date of it happening on a few blogs to see the actual reaction. But again I didn't listen to any of you to be honest. So I was digesting a lot of takes but mainly what got me there was I just watched footage. Any. Every. I'm talking nonedited (as in, not larrie edits) interviews and show footage trying to see what's what, knowing some peoples interpretations of some moments, slowly getting familiar with their personalities and mannerisms. And what I found was basically more, things not mentioned and chewed out as a larry moment, behavior that I just can't make sense unless larry is really a thing so that just convinced me..

And now for the disgusting "I'm not like the other girls" addition although I was already on a roll there, I do think a lot of quarantine kids just got their info from youtube LaRrY PrOoF videos or tiktoks or twitter threads which are dumping both super larrie things and nonsensical garbage all together on one big pile so I don't think I'm speaking for the majority of people who came in when I did. I really do think a lot of larries have their beliefs based on a lot of things that I think aren't what they look like (it's say debunkable moments), and some absolutely very much debunked by veteran larries, some just me personally not believing that's what went down... and I mean in the end the conclusion is the same and it's based on consistent persistent patterns that lead to the conclusion "larry" for a decade here. So I somewhat don't mind that some details are just not it (the amount of details not adding up when you believe anything but larry being the truth here is far greater for sure)

I think a good thing to point out about me and everyone else coming in later tho is that I absolutely am not aware of any minor details that happened unless it was screamed about hard enough its still echoing, I don't think you can. Especially if it's about articles coming out in the context it did exactly, the timeline of harry/louis posting or in any way shading or hinting at a certain thing while these other let's say image shaping things are happening. Or the other way around, things that seem loud and clearly "this means larry" while at the time there was another context that wasn't "larry" at all.

I think all this resulted in a lot of different sub-bubbles within this already divided fandom. Like what's the general thought about certain things differs between platforms, and even within them for instance on twitter we have two outer ends of on one hand massive clowning, thinking everything is a hint, everything is foreshadowing that somethings gonna happen, everyone's in on it, and on the other hand we got people that somehow do believe they're together but will trash you for thinking they're giving any hint whatsoever to that they indeed are (like, anti-bluegreening-larries, like what is this how did you get to this conclusion theyre still together if you aren't acknowledging they thrive on doing weird shit, and don't even believe in their most blatant, easiest, "larrycoding" thing they got going on)

Also to take your example, with the taylor thing I tried to form my own opinion based on everything they've said throughout the years and their lyrics, on top of people's takes who lived through it all. With that I basically came to the same conclusion as what people in 2012 were saying, everything in the past decade makes sense with what you saw back then, unfortunately (because it fucking sucks that this is real of course).

But it's not difficult, because it makes sense. I'd say it's getting easier even because with every new thing they put out it just adds to the huge pile that is a mountain pointing at larry. And whenever this happens, older stuff gets brought up by those who remember it, and you'll learn that way if you don't rummage through it in your spare time yourself. It's because they(HL) stick to their story, because it's their actual story, that makes it easy. I mean otherwise we wouldn't be here.

[anticonspiracist]

I am the anon who send you links and I think you are assuming I am the same anon who send you the ask saying Harry uses fake name??

I am not. I just thought that I would like to show you some reality because you are hell bend on proving that Harry is actually dating Olivia and there is nothing like pap walks. I scrolled down your blog and you really think Harry walk down the streets and gets captured because he's just a human being.

And as far I am concerned. It is important to me who Harry is dating. Because if I admire a person or a celebrity every aspect of their life becomes important to me. I can't just ignore all the aspects of their life and I can't decide to see just certain aspect which I like. That's just not humanely possible. I keep my mind open. I see every sides of the situation. I reaseach about it myself and then I decide I want to get myself in that situation or not. I decide that I would stan Harry because I found him utterly admirable. If according to you I should admire a person but I should not think about different aspects of his life then I think you expect me to have a closed off mind and not to scrutinize any situation which is not possible for me.

And for further note I didn't asked you any questions, I just send you some trustable links about how a celebrity life works and I asked your opinion about it.

I apologize for confusing you with a different anon with the same beliefs. Thank you for actually answering the question I posed to that anon, it's instructive!

First, I am not "hell bend" [sic] on proving that Harry and Olivia are together. It'd be silly for me to try to prove reality. You, however, are hellbent on proving they aren't together, and you're reaching in order to do so. But I'm less concerned about your aim, and more concerned about your motives.

It is important to me who Harry is dating. Because if I admire a person or a celebrity every aspect of their life becomes important to me. I can't just ignore all the aspects of their life and I can't decide to see just certain aspect which I like. That's just not humanely possible.

This is, quite frankly, not healthy. Is what Harry eats important to you? Is it important to you how many times he shakes it after he pees? How he wipes his ass? How many hours he sleeps at night? Whether he fasts intermittently, how many ice baths he takes, if he believes in cupping, whether he sees a chiropractor or has an astrologist? These are all also aspects of his life. Are these all important to you?

If not, then every aspect of his life is not important to you. Just, it seems, whom he has decided to date. But regardless -- why, if him dating Olivia is important to you, is him dating Olivia bad? Hold onto that thought.

I keep my mind open. I see every sides of the situation. I reaseach about it myself and then I decide I want to get myself in that situation or not.

The girlfriend of a celebrity whom you do not know and have no relationship to is NOT a topic about which you need to "see every side" or research. You are not making a decision about your own health, about your relationship with a friend or a loved one, or even making a large purchase, like of a new laptop, or phone, or car, or house.

I decide that I would stan Harry because I found him utterly admirable.

I would warn everyone against choosing to be a fan of anyone because you find them "admirable." I'm a fan of Harry because I think he's nice to look at, because I like his music, because I enjoy going to his concerts with my friends, etc. Do I admire him? I would not say that. This may be a language issue here, but I admire people who put themselves on the line/at risk to help others. What Harry does is not that. He doesn't risk himself. Of course, that's where I draw my line with regard to admiration. My love for Harry is, as one would say, not that deep.

If according to you I should admire a person but I should not think about different aspects of his life then I think you expect me to have a closed off mind and not to scrutinize any situation which is not possible for me.

I do not think you should admire a popstar period, and so thus whom he is dating shouldn't even rate as a concern of yours, except perhaps that you hope he's happy. Whatever makes him happy, as long as it is consensual, is his business, not yours.

Again, you aren't buying a new phone, or deciding on what treatment you should seek for a medical issue you have. You're deciding whether to listen to a man's music or not, whether to attend a concert or not, whether to buy a magazine or not.