#i am mad atm but it will float by

[majimasleftasscheek]

Hi, im very sorry if this has already been answered or established somewhere else but im curious, with your Kazumaji stuff, around what time did they start dating (i.e. after the events of Yakuza 0 and all that) and how?

tbh, I dunno!

I don't really have an established date for that cuz sometimes I'm like man they'd be really cute during y0 and then other times I set it between post y0 and the beginning of y1. The latest they would start me thinks is some months after the events of y1 but in general it sorta depends on how I'm feeling and what silly scenarios play in my head

ideas under the cut tho 👀

if we're talking y0: I like to think Kiryu has to go to Sotenbori for some reason, be it business or he's there with Nishiki for some partying. he sees Majima at the Grand being depressed and is like "damn girl those bags under your eyes makes my dick go *boing sound effect*" and asks him out 🥺 Kiryu gets rejected immediately cuz Majima's in this cycle of 'I deserve nothing but pain and suffering' but Kiryu can't read the room so he is persistently showing up at the Grand despite Majima very obviously wanting to kick his ass. eventually he relents and goes on cute™ dates with Kiryu and realizes oof maybe human intimacy be kinda gucci

if between y0 and y1: Majima's fresh in his mad dog era starting shit with people just to be annoying and Kiryu's one of his targets mainly due to the events of y0. he's kinda like "lol this goober really did some important plot stuff, huh?" and his curiosity gets the better of him because Kiryu is an enigma who eats bugs and Majima cannot suppress his need to get some sense of understanding on this weirdo. in this timeline, it's more one-sided affection from Majima that comes in the form of stabbing while Kiryu is desperately trying to fight the gay allegations and failing. eventually he caves but it's a sorta unofficial, on and off thing that Kiryu doesn't really know how to evaluate for himself. Majima doesn't really care what they are since he's high on life atm and has a cute dude with big boobs on his arm

if during y1: literally just everything Majima Everywhere. Goromi. GOROMI 😩💦 Kiryu is all: I LIKE PUSSY but everyone's like okay big man then why's Majima pole dancing for you huh. the two braincells he has start to click and he realizes maybe Majima wants to hold hands or something unthinkable like that. ngl I like to think Kiryu's thing for Yumi is like a demisexual bi thing where he's like, I do love her but she don't zap my brain quite like the bowlcut freak who knows how to punch me real good and it becomes sorta his personal introspective journey during this time. Majima is also floating in the space of am I doing this for his benefit cuz "training" or am I falling for this dork. he's pretty sad about it cuz of the Saejima reminder vibes but eventually Kiryu falls into his own person that Majima really meshes with and the two of them struggle to actually voice how they feel all the while their pants are down in some dirty alley

if after y1: (going to insert shit from a fic I'm working on) Kiryu's absolutely devastated with what happened in the Millennium Tower + now having to take care of Haruka that he's shut himself off from everyone and everything other than doing the bare minimum to live. in comes Majima being a menace like yo you can't like, let a child parent herself you gotta get outta this slump and Kiryu's all fuck you stop breaking into my house. so it's a long pain in the ass process to help Kiryu deal with his grief while Majima keeps unintentionally making googoo eyes at him and both of them are like boy I sure hope this doesn't awaken anything within me. there's also a lotta dadjima stuff going on and Kiryu's like wowie zowie so you do have a heart and Majima's like no way loser while being just 😳👉👈

[manifestingwithnina]

hey nina here! im going to be getting into the void and i'll tell you how it goes! kudos to @sugarcoatedcherry

backstory; ive been into the LOA ( specifically subliminals ) since 2020 and i learned about the void in early 2022. Been trying ever since and i've bettered my concept drastically. just now looking for a day to get in yk? i don't find myself mad when i don't enter because whatevs 🤷‍♀️ ya know? but ive scripted everything i wanted and i love @lotusmi ! idk why but i just feel attracted to their subs! ( sorry if your not a girl or boy i just dont wanna be offensive lol if you have a problem im willing to change it ) ever since you discovered on tumblr by somebodies success i just always liked them, therefore im going to try to stay consistent!

day 1: im using this subliminal and falling asleep with it

day 2: I didn't get in the night before but i realized i like sleep paralysis and i think im going to try it tonight ( i did try @gorgeouslypink challenge but i wasn't persistent, therefore thats the reason of this challenge lol to hold me to stick to one thing ) but to say, i liked the guided shifting thingy i got really close to getting into the void and ended up not getting in but the feeling of not being in your body is peaceful... later on blogging , i feel very confident in that tonight is the night.

Day 3: i fell asleep the night before lol

using this subliminal tonight !

Day 4: that subliminal worked the night before i woke up around 5/6 ish am and had experienced sleep paralysis and i did affirm ' void ' but sadly didn't get into the void . but i did have very strong lucid dreams which were fun. But totally using the same subliminal tonight lol.

Day 5: fell asleep the night before and not using subliminals anymore just affirmations. so tonight imma visualize like i do when i used to meditate and then im going to enter the void with affirmations... simple very simple and very motivated because it's very easy to enter the void.

HAYYY YAAWW. i haven't entered yet and that is on me because i keep stopping to tell yall juicy stuff but lol, im entering and i feel my whole body lifting. this is ultimately how you do it yall! read my last post. i used to only feel my legs float back them but now i feel my whole body. do me and yourself a favor read the posts. and put yourself at peace darling 🫶🏽. go get your ideal life and i will live mines too i'll be rooting for you my star 💫!!!

day 5 & 6; i didn't get in. i went with feelings and idk why i didn't. trying to figure out why my mind isn't listening... hmm reprogramming my mind atm...

[megashadowdragon]

re zero comment I completely agree with responding to the people who try to make fics which try to spite emillia for telling subaru to wait

Hello, I'd like to politely disagree with this idea. I do think it can be done in an interesting way, and of course, you or anyone else is welcome to like this idea or write it (and iirc I believe I said in a previous fanfic ideas thread that I started writing one of your past ideas!). However, I just don't agree with this idea on both a characterization level and a personal level.

Subaru learns throughout season one that Emilia isn't obligated at all to return his feelings, and by the end of arc 4, he's perfectly fine waiting for her as much as it takes - because he also, iirc, isn't 100% ready for an official romantic relationship. And even if he DID think that he was ready for a relationship, he's absolutely not ready for one due to his own trauma. He has no way of making a full recovery from it atm when 1. he can't completely talk about his trauma due to the rbd taboo and 2. your trauma and personal issues will leak out when you have relationships with other people. Your relationship with yourself is directly connected to your relationship with other people, and it's important to improve on yourself either before entering a romantic relationship and/or WHILE you're in a relationship. The same goes for Emilia, especially with the growth she needs to have with her own maturity as well.

That, and my source is that I was in a serious romantic relationship for two years with someone I was friends with for five years prior to that.

If you truly love someone, you'll be willing to wait for as long as it takes - and if they realize they don't reciprocate your feelings, it's far healthier for both of you to let go of the possibility of having a romantic relationship with each other. I know that Subaru and Emilia are fictional characters, and by no means am I saying that you can't write them having any sort of conflict, but I'm uncomfortable with all the unreasonable Emilia hate over their canon relationship. When you're writing characters having unhealthy behaviors (ie: expecting a girl you like to like you back and withholding affection out of resentment), it's important to be aware that it's unhealthy and not at all a good basis for relationships in general irl.

I keep seeing the idea floating around that Emilia owes Subaru and that Subaru should be mad that Emilia won't be in a romantic relationship with him yet, and again, it's an interesting plot idea - but I think we should all keep reminding ourselves that this is not how an actual healthy relationship works, romantic or not. That, and Subaru himself is not mad at all over this in canon. Of course, in fanfic you can do whatever you please with his character (and that's the fun thing about fanfiction, taking alternate routes from canon!), but it's important to make that distinction, and I don't want this harmful idea of "giving Emilia a taste of her own medicine" to be spread. If Subaru would really like to establish what exactly his and Emilia's relationship is, they can communicate with each other too and make it "official", whether that's clearly agreeing to wait to officially date later, dating now, or establishing that they're friends and nothing other than that.

The former (officially dating later) seems to be the energy I get from Emisuba in canon, because again, Subaru is willing to wait as long as it takes until he and Emilia are either ready to date each other or until they pursue other people. This is also the healthiest possible response you could have in a situation like this.

TLDR: canon Subaru would never be resentful towards Emilia for this, and it's important to know and emphasize that the behavior Subaru has in a prompt like this is unhealthy. Of course, this may also be me misreading the tone of prompts like this (the idea that Subaru is RIGHT for having this sort of behavior), but again, as I said, I don't want the idea to spread that Subaru is somehow right for doing that. Because it's an extremely interesting plot idea, but he is by no means right in this situation.

Is it upsetting when someone you like doesn't reciprocate your feelings and replies after two years of waiting? Yes, it can be. But Subaru himself made the choice to wait for Emilia; he's wrong for being resentful when she DOES feel ready to reciprocate his feelings and officially return them. She is not to blame for his own behavior, and this goes for anything regarding relationships irl. As someone who was in a serious romantic relationship and learned the hard way about how to handle a relationship, relationships are not easy at all. You should not rush into them before you feel ready, and again - if you love someone, you'd either wait as long as it takes OR communicate with the person that you won't wait for them.

Anyway, I apologize if I did misread your prompt, but - as I said earlier in this very long post - I've been seeing ideas like this float around a lot in the fandom. I always see it either here on reddit, or on twitter, or on AO3 or fanfic.net, and I wanted to put in my two cents about this. It's a good story idea, just not a good thing to do with real relationships, and that distinction should be made.

[olvine-and-tea]

Things that pissed me off about Stranger Things 4 v2

Spoilers up ahead (duh)

1. I got queer baited in 2022. Why the hell did they use Will to strengthen Mike and El's relationship like ://

2. Follow up about Will - why was he a background character this season... My mans really went "i can feel him" in the last 5 minutes. WILL DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER #willvillainarc

3. The unnecessary hype. Like take your Karen Wheeler poster and "5 major character deaths" up your ass!!!!!!!!!!!!! My girl Holly had more screentime, why would Karen get a poster IN THE VICTOR CREEL HOUSE??????? The 5 death thing was for what? To psych us out? Like no one from the main cast died (b/c plot armour and it pisses me off) and the only death shown was Eddie. :(

It was probably the theories that hyped it up for me but it pissed me off. The "harnessed up" photo hyped up my desires for Will to have a story line this season and nothing happened. This problem is on me and im just grgrgrgrgrgggh.

4. Eddie Munson's death. It felt so forced wtfffff!!!!!! I love Eddie and his whole character and his death was just forced, unnecessary, and IGNORED AT THE END. There was no respect, no reaction from the others, only Dustin seemed to try and paint Eddie the hero he truly is. This truly made my blood boil.

5. Back to El and Mike. WHY WAS THE FOCUS ON TEENAGE ROMANCEEEEEEEE!!!!! We had Robin, Steve, and Nancy being choked to death, Eddie getting eaten alive, Max going snap crackle and pop for the main focus on Mike saying, "I love you" to El for the first time like........... Was I supposed to clap?

6. STANCY... Where did Steve's feeling come back like... Mmmmmm... I wanted to skip him telling his dream so badlyyyyyyyyyy. I thought we moved past him and Nancy. Its giving Tom and Star energy from SVTFOE with Jonathan being Marco....

7. THE SHIT ENDING. WTF DO YOU MEAN 2 DAYS LATER. ALL THAT BUILD UP FOR A 2 DAY TIME SKIP. LIKE BROOOO YOU ARE JOKING.. The fucking ground just split in half, I wanted to see panic and chaos. I needed to see reactions and theories being formed but nope. It skips to everyone presumably fine.

Like they just started to clean the cabin while the town is cracked in 4 ways?!?! We didn't even get to see upside down crew get out of the upside down and react to what they just did...

This might just be me but I wish they showed more of the consequences these traumatic events can do and; like what they did with Max. Like you're telling me that after that whole gong show, everyone just helps out and smiles. I'm sure they are going to show more in season 5 but I'm just mad they hyped up a 2 hour episode for nothing to progress until the last 5 minutes.

Summary:

These are just my opinions and thoughts after ST4 v2. I am sure season 5 will be great and season 4 is just a build up for the final season but for now these feelings will stand. :)

[julie-and-the-himbo-ghosts]

I Could Grow From This (But Not Today)

Prompt fill for this prompt, willex and “hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright?” for anon. I hope you like it!!

Title is from Sane by Meet Me @ The Altar bc I really wanted an excuse to use this song

Warnings: I swear two or three times and it’s pretty much all about Alex having a panic attack, so don’t read if that’ll be harmful for you!!

Ao3 is apparently down atm so y’all just have to suffer reading it here lol

Alex just stared at the Orpheum stage, twirling his drumsticks to match the anxiety building in him. They had to play the Orpheum, a gig that took them years and countless favours to get last time, in just a few days or they’d die. Or, well, “Cease to exist.” Same difference.

A small poof alerted him to the presence of another ghost, and he didn’t have to look to see who it was.

“Is this seat taken?”

Willie. Also the ghost that got them in this mess to begin with. He knew he should be annoyed, he should be mad, he should tell him yes and poof away.

And yet.

He couldn’t bring himself to be any of those things. Because even though Willie was the one who got them in this whole mess, he was still Willie. Sweet, thoughtful, caring (and cute, not to mention) Willie. Willie, the ghost who got them into this mess, but only because he wanted to help him them.

He let himself glance at Willie, and he was the most reserved he had ever seen him, his eyes downcast and the spark of what he could only describe as life was gone from his eyes. He tried to tell him It’s okay and I forgive you and Please don’t leave again all in one look. Instead of speaking, he just shrugged, hoping that was enough.

“This whole thing sucks,” he said, in lieu of anything else. And hell, wasn’t that the understatement of the year? He could feel his anxiety building more and more, and it was getting harder and harder to push it down.

“Yeah, I messed up,” Willie said, and he looked at him again.

“No, it’s like you said. It’s not like you had a choice. Caleb owns your soul.” There was only room for one in this anxiety-guilt spiral special, and hell if he let Willie muscle him out.

“No.” Willie took a sharp breath. “No, I knew what Caleb could do, and I brought you guys to him anyway. When you asked me, I should’ve just skated away.”

He wanted to get it through Willie’s head that he didn’t blame him; he wanted to just hold his face in both hands and tell him I forgive you until he listened. And yet, that probably wasn’t what was best for Willie at the moment, shockingly enough. “I still would have followed you,” he said softly, instead. Even then, his soft words were pretty much the exact opposite of what he was feeling inside. Not that he blamed Willie - he could never - but the guilt and anxiety were building and building and building inside of him and he was doing all he could to not just let it all flow out of his mouth and onto Willie. He knew, he knew that there was no reason for the guilt or this much anxiety, but he also knew there was a reason they call it Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

“I would do anything to take back what I did to you,” Willie said, and he didn’t doubt him for a second. He was going to say something stupid, like You don’t have to, you’re enough or I don’t care, I just care about you, a lot, but one of those increasingly inconvenient (or maybe convenient, in this case) jolts wracked his body, worse than the ones before. It felt like someone was sticking a knife in his chest and then shocking him, and that did not help the wave of anxiety building in him. He could see Willie’s face crumble, so he forced it down with the rest of it.

“I am so sorry.” Willie sounded like he was going to crumble himself. “Did you guys ever figure out what your unfinished business is?”

Their unfinished business. He took a deep breath, and then another. He could do this. He could keep it together for a little bit, for Willie. “We have to play here. The Orpheum, the show we never got to play.” He could feel himself rambling, his breaths coming quicker and quicker, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. “We were two hours away from playing here when we died, you know? This has to be our unfinished business. It has to be, because otherwise—”

“Alex, are you okay?” He heard Willie ask, but it felt like his brain was somewhere else, away from their conversation. Willie’s voice sounded quiet and far away, while the sound of his heartbeat and his sharp intakes of breath were loud and pressuring and suffocating, and shit, he couldn’t breathe—  

Willie’s voice floated into his ears again. “Alex. Hey. Look at me. Focus on me, alright? Look at me.”

He forced himself to meet Willie’s eyes, and he saw Willie’s face soften. “Hey, there we are. Now, I need you to match your breaths with mine, okay? Ready? Breathe in through your nose for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” He matched Willie’s inhale, his breath shaky and weak compared to Willie’s purposeful, exaggerated breath. “And then out through your mouth for another one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” He breathed out, a little more stable this time. “And again,” Willie prompted gently, his voice louder and clearer, and he did it again, his breaths even calmer this time. “And then one more time?” Willie’s voice sounded normal again, and he breathed in and out one more time, finally stabilizing his heartbeat and breathing.

“Are you all right?” Willie asked him softly as he said, “I’m sorry.” He could feel the tears building in his eyes.

He could see Willie’s face melt a little bit. “Do you want a hug?” He nodded, almost imperceptibly, and Willie pulled him in for a gentle hug. It wasn’t delicate, like he expected him to break, but soft, like he was being held and comforted. “You don’t ever have to apologize, Alex,” Willie whispered, his voice rough. “Not to me, okay?”

He buried his head into his shoulder, the tears falling down his face.

“We’ll figure this out, I promise,” Willie said, his voice still rough with emotion, but now with a steely resolve. They both just sat there, embracing each other, with Alex crying into Willie’s shoulder and Willie rubbing comforting circles into Alex’s.

[mythiica]

Reader x Lucien {MLQC} - Obsession {Day 10}

Title: Obsession

Fandom: Mr. Love Queen’s Choice

Character: Lucien

Genre: TRICK AND TREAT 2 IN ONE BABY 

Warnings: i dont want to spoil it for you, but its not creepy or overly violent so dont panic

Word Count: 4164 words

Other comments: i dont have the energy to put comments atm so , tomorrow, i also am not paragraphing it right 

Lucien had asked for your help to splatter fake blood onto his lab coat, and you willingly complied because it meant you could paint your skin red and stamp your palms onto his ass (to make the perfect imprint of your hands on him just in case anyone got any ideas during the Halloween party.) He entertained the idea of letting you leave the apartment with your super-short skirt, but ultimately offered you a long pair of his pants that scraped the floor. The two of you came to an agreement: white tights to match your overly revealing nurse outfit. 

Victor was hosting a Halloween party, and much to your surprise, Lucien accepted the invitation without a moment’s hesitation. It surprised you even more when you learned that it was a costume party designed for couples to match. Lucien suggested a few ideas that you vetoed immediately (pine + apple, Schrodinger + cat, Albert Einstein + Elsa Einstein, etc), but you took a liking to good old doctor + nurse. 

However, as you make final adjustments to your costume in the mirror next to the door, you ponder if it is too late to cancel. The white stretches across your sides and leaves nothing to the imagination. Lucien adores it, but you suspect that you might attract lustful gazes from other, unwanted, people. 

“Is it cold outside?” you ask, throwing your head back to glance out of the window. It is too dark to see anything, but Lucien has his phone in his hand and can check the weather. 

“Do you consider below negative to be cold?” A smirk tugs at his lips as he reaches for your coat. 

“Yes?! Is that even a question?” Putting one hand through the jacket, Lucien helps it over your shoulders before opening the front door. 

You nearly run into Kiro because you have your back turned to the hall as you exit. His hands land your side to catch you from falling, but he quickly returns you to an upright position. “You haven’t left! Oh good, I was worried I wouldn’t catch you–” Kiro is wearing a full black tuxedo and a pair of aviators. He takes them off and leaves them to rest atop his blond hair as he talks with you. “Can I please ride with you to the party? My agent was supposed to take me… but I made him mad…” 

Giggling, you nod your head. “Did he find your snack stash?” 

Lucien locks the door behind you and ushers the two of you down the stairs. 

“He did… it’s kind of embarrassing to be honest. He said I had to walk to Victor to make up for lying, but it’s so cold I couldn’t even dream of it!” 

Lucien pockets the keys and glances at Kiro. “What… are you?”

Kiro jumps off of two steps and lands triumphantly. “I’m a spy! Could you not tell? It means I’m blending in well with the general public…” 

This makes you giggle, and Lucien takes your hand in his. He huffs slightly, now that he has realized that he will have to behave himself in the drive to the party location. 

In the garage, Kiro is kind enough to open the door for you, so you step inside and fold your skirt so that it sits comfortably without wrinkling. Kiro sits behind you, and Lucien takes his chances tucking his hand up your skirt. 

Although you squirm around, Lucien’s hand slips up the skirt. He finds the smallest hole in your tights and manages to push his finger through the fabric. Lucien is unusually good with his hands, even if he cannot see what he is doing. 

“So, are the two of you Dr. Jekyll and a nurse?” Kiro cannot see Lucien’s joyous smirk from where he is sitting, and thankfully, he can’t see that Lucien’s hand is up your skirt either. 

“M-More of just generic doctor and nurse…” you reply breathlessly. Lucien has pushed his digit past your underwear and is rubbing your folds gracefully. 

“Oh! I see… why the blood though?” 

Lucien chuckles to himself and he is at least two knuckles deep inside of you, and his palm is pressed flush against your thigh. The warmth from his skin makes you giddy on its own, but he rubs your walls in an attempt to make you moan. 

You have to bite back the urge to scold him for trying something so risky in front of Kiro. “Spur of the moment and I got a bit carried away with how I placed my hands–”

“I should have put some hand prints on you, don’t you think?” Lucien says this with a smile, but you see past it and know that he is enjoying himself. 

“I think that you have enough hands in– on me as it is.” 

Kiro squeals, and the high pitched sound masks the soft moan that escapes your lips. “The two of you are so cute together!” He taps a finger against his lip. “Do you think you will win the couples’ costume contest?” 

Lucien’s finger brushes past the spot that is overly sensitive, and you cross your legs over each other. “I did not realize that he would be judging instead of participating.” 

Kiro laughs and nods. “Minor managed to convince Gavin to wear a matching shirt, even if they aren’t a romantic couple. But I don’t know anyone who could out do you!” 

At a stoplight, Lucien leans over and brushes your hair back with his free hand. As his lips graze your ear, Lucien whispers, “My how wet you are.” 

“Lucien!” You cover your mouth for a moment, but then you point at the light. “It’s green, we don’t want to hold up the line…” 

The engine revs, and you are off again. Your heart has started pounding against the tight vest you are wearing. Lucien is pumping his finger faster, but still manages to keep the sound softer than the music from the radio. Kiro put headphones in, so he couldn’t hear much anyways, but you do not want to take any chances. 

When the three of you arrive at the party venue, Lucien pushes your underwear back in place and laps at his finger to clean off the slick (only after Kiro has gotten out of the car). You lean against Lucien as he tucks an arm over your shoulders. “Are you disappointed we’re here?” 

You shove him playfully. “You are ridiculous. How would you have explained that to Kiro if he caught us?” 

Lucien shakes his head. “He would not have.” 

“But if he–” 

Lucien grasps your hands and kisses them. His breath fogs up in the cold night air, but his warmth envelops you. “I apologize if I have made you uncomfortable. I only wished that he hadn’t interrupted us–” 

You pout slightly, but Lucien gives you a swift kiss and leads you inside, out of the cold. “It won’t happen again unless you give me permission.” 

Inside, someone takes your coat, revealing your entire outfit. Kiro is on the other side of the room, but he sees you and waves, beckoning you and Lucien over to speak with Victor. He wore an extravagant Dracula costume, and upon seeing you, he smiles to show his fake fangs. “Ah, a nurse, exactly what I needed,” he jokes, taking your hand to kiss your knuckles. 

Lucien says hello, and Victor steps back. “Ah, and the doctor.” 

You giggle and pull your skirt down in the back a bit. “Victor, your party is lovely, and I adore the decorations you’ve had put up. Kiro mentioned something about a contest?” 

Kiro is eating a generous slice of cake and nods enthusiastically. 

“Yes- I should not be telling you this, but I am one of the few judges that will decide who has won… you have an advantage.” 

“Because…” 

Victor coaxes you to spin for him, and the edge of your skirt to fly around your legs. “Because you look amazing. I do not think that I have seen you in white before. It is a fitting color for you.” 

“Thank you, Victor.” You land against Lucien’s chest and lace your fingers with his. “I would not be complete without my doctor though–” 

Victor bows his head. “Of course, that is understandable.” Someone calls his name, so he takes his leave to go attend to his host duties. 

Lucien offers you a glass of black punch (colored in celebration of the spooky holiday) as he eats a cookie. It is one of those soft cookies with pure sugar for icing. But he makes a point to eat it slowly and sensually because he knows that you are watching as his tongue flicks against the crumbs before the have a chance to fall. 

“Lucien–” 

“Hm?” 

Rolling your eyes, you take the half-eaten cookie from his hand and finish for him. “You’re trying to tempt me, aren’t you?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, not in the slightest.” 

He pulls you to the dance floor and leads you into a waltz – a row of musicians sits against the back wall and the melody floats through the air. When Lucien dips you back, you admire the ceiling. It is decked out in fake cobwebs and felted spiders – they hang from the chandelier and drip down to the ballroom. It looks beautiful, and you feel like you are suspended in the middle of a dream. 

Lucien tightens his grip on your waist to lift you into the air. Your hair flutters behind you, and you squeal as he tips his head up to kiss you. 

“I have to keep you close. It has barely been an hour, and already you have attracted the gaze of many.”  He brushes another kiss against your jaw to seal his words in your mind. “Maybe you should have been the doctor, and I should have been the sexy nurse.” 

This makes you erupt with laughter (the thought of seeing Lucien wearing a slut-worthy skirt and a garter brings tears to your eyes). You excuse yourself to go and fix your mascara now that it has touched your skin. 

It does not take long to pat the mascara away. But, as you open the door to leave and return to the party, Lucien stands in the doorway, keeping you from leaving. “Lucien, do you need the restroom?” It is a single stall room, and you are using the only one in the area. 

“Hm..” He savors your words before taking you back inside. “I need something else… from you, that is.” 

When Lucien locks the door behind you, you understand what he is doing. His hands pull your skirt up, exposing your tights and panties to him. 

“W-What are you doing?!” 

“Allow me to indulge myself. We have time before they need us back, so might as well.. No?” 

You ponder it, but you surrender because you have been dying to let him touch you more since your drive coming here. “Lucien, you are the devil–”

He smirks and bows for you, but that is only a ploy because he drops to his knees and invites himself to your crotch. The tights to not seem to be much a problem, because he rips them within seconds and he pulls them from the way. 

“Hey! Don’t rip my underwear–” 

“If you insist…” 

Lucien simply pulls them to the side and gives your slit a long lap. You release a breathless moan and clutch his hair. Another moment later, and Lucien hoists you to sit on the edge of the sink. You grip the quartz as he tongues you. Damn Lucien for knowing all the things that make you go crazy. He laps at your clit before dipping his tongue into your hole. 

“Oh fuck…” 

As the curse leaves your lips, Lucien bites your folds. “Don’t curse. It is unbefitting of you, my love.” 

“Shut up!” you scold. 

Lucien does not take lightly to this and starts fingering you at the same time. The added stimulation makes you moan loudly, but you hear someone pass by the bathroom. Clasping your hand over your mouth, you try to push Lucien away, but he continues to suckle at you. 

The doorknob jiggles, so you bite back a moan and call out, “I–It’s occupied!” 

He leans back for a moment, a string of slick hanging from his tongue, and smirks at you before diving back in. 

“L-Lucien.. Ahh.. please, there–” 

“Here?” Lucien’s fingers hit your g-spot directly and you feel the knot in your stomach coming undone. You pant heavily and realize that you blacked out for a split second. Lucien’s chin is dripping wet, but it makes you laugh. 

“Are you really laughing after–” 

You pull Lucien back up for a long kiss. “Thank you…” 

He nuzzles you for a moment and smiles. 

The tights are ripped, so you cannot put them back on. Instead, Lucien takes his lab coat off and drapes it over your shoulders. Before he opens the door, Lucien cleans his fingers off and washes them properly with soap and water. “We should return, no?” 

You unlock the door and step outside. “I think they are announcing the winners of the costume competition. Did we really take that long?” 

Lucien is behind you in a moment, and the two of you take your leave and return to the main room. “No, actually, I think I made you unravel in record time–” 

“Hey!” 

His lips curl into a smirk. “If you beg to differ, prove me wrong next time.” 

Huffing, you enter the ballroom and gravitate to the large crowd gathered around Victor. He gives the usual host speech and thanks everyone for attending. “And, of course, without further delay, I would like to reveal the winners of the costume contest. It is no surprise that the best dressed nurse and her doctor have won first place tonight, as they are not only matching, but also a couple. And no, Minor, I am not awarding you pity second place.” 

Everyone laughs and then claps for you and Lucien. As the two of you make your way to the stage, you process how Victor announced the two of you: he mentioned you first, and then Lucien (the nurse’s doctor). It warmed your heart, and Lucien helped you up the steps so you would not trip in the heels. 

Victor hands you a gift card to use how you wish, but you know that Lucien will promptly take it the moment you arrive home (to either get some research books or sex toys, there is no anticipating what he orders until it comes in the mail). 

It does not take long for the party to resume in full swing: people glide across the dance floor and everyone is seemingly in sync to Thriller. Gavin catches you and congratulates you on winning. He is wearing a keep him shirt, so you assume that Minor has the matching if found, return to Gavin top. “Victor was right – I didn’t see you earlier, but your outfit looks great.” 

Lucien is chatting with another couple a few feet away from you and Gavin, so you exhale and relax. Who knows what he would do if he heard Gavin complimenting you. “Thank you. I take it your better half has been abandoned somewhere?” 

“Minor?” Gavin laughs. “Do you know how hard I have been trying to get away from him? I’m surprised he hasn’t found me… now that I say that, I feel like someone is watching me.” 

When you glance over your shoulder, you catch Lucien glaring at Gavin. 

To be expected. 

You laugh nervously and excuse yourself. Nestling yourself at Lucien’s side, you loop your arm through his. “It’s getting late, don’t you think?” 

Lucien nods. “If you will excuse us, I have a meeting tomorrow, and we must take our leave. Have a wonderful evening!” 

He is always such a gentleman, which you adore. The two of you say goodbye to Kiro, Victor, and (reluctantly for Lucien) Gavin before you are off. The music hums, and you enjoy the time alone with Lucien. Parties are wonderful, but when Victor goes full out like that, you tend to get drained. 

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Lucien inquires with a smile. 

“Yes! It was wonderful to see everyone having fun. I think I even caught Gavin laughing at Minor.” 

“Well I caught Gavin doing other things…” 

“Hm?” 

Lucien waves a hand. “He must have been admiring the handprints on your backside. I don’t see any other reason he should have been tracing your form with his eyes.” 

You laugh and capture his hand. “You have demonstrated today that I am yours. Promise you won’t let it get to you?” 

“I intend to show you my love one more time tonight. Is that acceptable?” 

His voice drops when he says this, and your heart jumps at the thought of what he has planned. Lucien knows how to keep you on your toes, so you nod your head enthusiastically. 

You had not even realized that the two of you have arrived home in the meantime. Lucien leans over the divider between your seats to brush his lips across yours. It is not a full kiss, and it leaves you craving more. 

All night, Lucien has been teasing you with the promise of sex, and now you are finally getting it. 

You do not hesitate to run out of the car and up to the apartment. Lucien has not even made it up the stairs, but you want to take your costume off before he rips it to shreds. Bouncing to the bathroom, you let the coat drop to the ground before you pull the top over your head. As you fumble with the skirt zipper, you feel Lucien’s warm breath on your neck. 

“Need help?” 

“Y-Yes–” 

Lucien’s hand trails up your torso and then back down to unhook it before pulling the zipper down. He is incredibly steady and slow, making you wait for it. The fabric drops from your waist and to the floor: he lets you step out of it before Lucien spins you around and cups your face to kiss you. “You look even more beautiful without clothes on…” 

He knows exactly how to make you squirm with just words alone. With his lips so close to your skin, you can only think of how he made you cum earlier. “L-Lucien?” 

“Yes, my nurse?” 

Swallowing hard, you lean against Lucien. He supports your weight and pulls your hair back to kiss your neck. 

“Tell me what you want…”

     Lucien trills his fingers up your side until he unclasps the back and removes it slowly. As it drops to the ground, you hold your arm over her breasts, but they spill outwards still. Lucien’s hand presses to the small of your back and he kisses your bare shoulder down to the top of your breast, coaxing your to reveal yourself to him. 

“I desperately want you to Dr. Jekyll me…”

“Oh?” He guides you back into the bedroom, keeping a hand on your bare hip. “You’d like me to ravage you?” As the back of your knees hit the mattress, you fall onto the bed. Lucien looms over you and pushes his knee between your legs. “You want me to make you cum again?” He starts kissing down your body and stops once his lips meet the hem of your panties. “Tell me so I know...” 

“Yes! Please, Lucien. You have been so naughty all day, but now, when I really want something you have the audacity to deny me it. How very Mr. Hyde of you.” 

Lucien leans back to remove his tie, and he uses it to bind your wrists above your head. “What about this?” 

Squirming around, you giggle at Lucien. “I like this…” 

His next movements are swift and fluid: he removes his belt and then pants, followed by his shirt and underwear. Lucien presses his body to yours so you can feel his erection pressing against your underwear. You wonder if he will continue the game of foreplay and fuck you through your underwear, but he seeminly reads your mind and pulls your underwear down to your knees. 

“Ah… you are still wet from earlier. How beautiful~” 

“You did eat me out in record time…”

“So you admit that I have the ability to make you cum fast? Let us see if I can do it again–” 

Lucien pulls your leg over his hip and inserts himself into you. His cock rubs against your walls and stretches you. It makes you moan loudly and squirm around again. He holds your abdomen down and gives you a moment to adjust before he begins to thrust in and out of you. 

All night, you have been waiting for this, and now that it is finally happening, you surrender yourself to the sensation without hesitating. Lucien envelops your senses as he kisses you everywhere, leaving marks in his wake. 

Heat radiates from his muscles, and your breath catches in your throat when Lucien traces the curve of your thighs. Lucien repeats your name over and over again, and it makes you wetter than if he would dirty talk you. There is something about how his voice dips lower and lower that makes you giddy. 

“Lucien, please tell me you have been thinking about this since we left..” 

“I’ve been thinking about this since you got your costume,” he admits.  

You cannot stop moaning as Lucien thrusts into you. Although your wrists are bound, you hook them over Lucien’s neck and you bury your face against his skin. Consumed by lust, you can't help but dirty talk him to the moon. "Lucien! You feel so amazing inside of me... your cock.. I wish you would have fucked me in the bathroom instead of just eating me out. That would have been so hot.” 

“I’ll take it under consideration for next year.” With that, Lucien tucks his hand between your legs and finds purchase directly on your clit. This earns him a few more moans from your lips, and he laughs triumphantly. When he does, his hair curls over his eyes, but you are quick to push it back. You clench around him tightly and watch Lucien’s face contort with pleasure. 

He had been denying himself pleasure as well, but now you have a chance to show off to him. "You are so incredibly warm.." Goosebumps ripple down his arms and Lucien groans loudly – it's music to your ears. "Clench around me again – won't you?" 

His words seemingly make you respond on command, because you fall over your edge as his tip brushes the spot that makes you see stars. You thought the squelching sound was loud before, but now it is the only thing you can hear.

"Lucien!"

“Yes, my beautiful nurse… cum for me… how wonderful you sound…” 

Cream dribbles down your inner thigh, making Lucien grin with pride. He does not stop thrusting until squirt forces him out. It wells out of you and makes the bed wet like nothing else you have ever experienced. He makes sure to pleasure you before he pumps himself a few times. 

“Lucien, doctor… I want you to cum too.” 

“Oh?” 

When you arch your back to entice him, your breasts fall outwards and his eyes go wide. “Cum on me and make me yours. That’s what you want, no~?” 

You fight against the tie until it loosens and you have the ability to use your hands again. Swatting Lucien’s hands away, you pump his tip rapidly and don’t stop until you feel him tense against your palm. 

A string of curse words escape his lips, and you know that he is close, so you remove your hand and smile at him. “Edging me?” Lucien grips your jaw and laughs. “You are the naughty one.” His thumb dips into your mouth and he coaxes you to open for him. His tip is smoothe against your lips, and you do your best to take him all down your throat. He wraps his fingers in your hair and tugs slightly, but then groans as you hum against his length. 

So much has happened in a day, and now it has come to this. 

With your mouth full of his cock, you look up at Lucien with big eyes and hope that your expression is enough to make him cum. His grunt is drawn out and breathless, and then you taste the bitterness of his cum as it trickles down your throat. Having been stimulated from fucking your pussy, it did not take much to have him unravel like you did before. 

However, you do not swallow it as he wishes. Instead, you let it drip down onto your breasts. 

Lucien smiles and takes the tie to throw it away as he kisses you. “Perfect, my little nurse.” 

[jamesdeerest]

listen to me, lupin

PAIRING: sirius black x lupin!reader

REQUEST: anon asked “Hey! Could you write a Sirius Black imagine where she’s Remus sister and they don’t know that she became an Animagus and they find out because one full moon she is with her brother alone and he started to transform so she had to run with him to Whomping Willow and when the boys came back from the detention they find Remus swooping a wolf (she) and he runs to the Forbidden Forest while Sirius take care of her and gets angry but is fluffy and mad with her? (Sorry if it’s too specific) Thank you!!”

WORD COUNT: 1322

WARNINGS: fluffff :)))

NOTES: i lovee sirius ok and don’t worry nonnie the more specific the better :)  italics mean flashback :) this is a multipart series!

part 2 part 3 part 4

“Sup, baby Lupin,” James said, ruffling your hair as you sat down next to him. “You alright?” he said, noticing the dark circles under your eyes. You yawned, stretching. “M’ fine, Jamesy. Just tired.” He nodded, and poured some cereal for you as you rested your head on his shoulder. You almost fell asleep again until someone cleared their throat. You opened to your eyes, to see Remus glaring at you. “Remus, don’t be thick. James loves Lily, remember.”

Remus rolled his eyes, looking at James distrustfully. “It could all be a front, baby sis. Never trust men.” He paused for a moment. “Or women, actually. You know what? Just don’t trust anyone. Apart from me.” You smirked lazily. “Are you not a man, Remypoo?” 

He growled. “I told you never call me that! Shut up Peter,” he hissed to his laughing best friend. “And I am a man, but... that’s different.” You nodded knowingly. “Of course.” Suddenly, Sirius sat down next to you, and rested his head on your shoulder, yawning. Remus looked at him, smirking. “Let me guess. Tired?”

Sirius looked up, deadpan. “No, I’m high. What do you think, Moony, I just yawned.” Peter laughed again, until Remus stuffed a sausage in his mouth. “Why are you guys so tired, anyways?” Peter said, muffled by the sausage.

You froze, Sirius going stiff beside you. “Homework.” you blurted out, Sirius relaxing. Once the conversation had moved on, you shared a relieved glance with Sirius. If Remus found out about you guys sneaking out to Hogsmeade, he would kill Sirius, best friend or not. Your thoughts went back to last night, the taste of Honeydukes chocolate still in your mouth.

You were lying awake, the snores of your roommates the only thing you could hear. Suddenly, there was a knock at your window, and Sirius’ grinning face peered through the glass, locking eyes with you. You yanked the duvet back, quickly putting on slippers as to not make noise, and grabbed a coat, before opening the window. “Fancy seeing you here,” Sirius smirked, before helping you onto his broom. “You good?” he checked, smiling when you nodded, before zooming off, your shriek echoing through the night.

Your arms went around his waist, in an almost painfully tight grip, eyes squinted against the wind. Sirius looked round at you, smiling reassuringly. “Listen to me Lupin, I got you.” You smiled back, relaxing slightly, and soon, you could see buildings, and then the chatter of people. Sirius gently touched down, and you straightened yourself out, flattening your hair. Sirius grabbed your hand as you started to walk off, swinging your arms as you walked into the heart of Hogsmeade. “Where do you want to go first?” he murmured in your ear. You looked around thoughtfully, the shiny packaging of Honeydukes treats catching your eye. Sirius caught on, and led you to the shop. Just as you were about to go in, the owner, Ambrosius Flume, flipped the sign to show ‘closed’. You frowned, about to turn away when he opened the door to smile at you. “If it isn’t two of my favourite customers. Come in, come in.” You smiled gratefully at him, walking into the shop and going straight for your favourite, Chocoballs, picking up two before heading to the till, Sirius joining you with a handful of Fizzing Whizbees, plonking them on the counter. Flume grabbed a paper bag and put the treats in, handing it to you with a smile. 

“Oh, that’s very kind, but we must pay for these,” you said, digging out your purse. Flume shook his head. “To the happy couple.” You smiled at Sirius, picking up the bag and leaving the shop with a ‘thank you’ shouted behind you. Finding an empty bench, you sat down, resting your head on Sirius’ shoulders as you both munched on a Chocoball. Once you had finished, Sirius turned to you, a gleam in his eye. “I’ve got an idea.” He grabbed two Fizzing Whizbees, offering one to you. Curiously, you ate it at the same time, before floating, you grabbing his arms to steady yourself.  Sirius grabbed the bag and gave you another one to keep you up, before placing his arms round your waist, yours going around his neck. Slowly, he began to dance with you, twirling you round in the air as you giggled. 

“Charmer, aren’t you?” you laughed, your eyes shining. Sirius grinned, dipping you. “You know it, babe.” he whispered before softly kissing you, the lamppost above bathing you in yellow light. 

A click broke the two of you apart, as you gently sank to the ground. A photographer was smiling at you two, holding out a photo. “Sorry to interrupt, but I thought you might want this,” he said as you took it, smiling softly at the scene. It looked like it had come out of a movie. “Thank you,” Sirius said, the photographer walking off. 

Sirius had his arms around you as you stared at the photo for a moment, before looking up at him. “I’m feeling like Butterbeer.” He took your hand again, and led you to the Three Broomsticks, where Madam Rosmerta was wiping the bar down. She turned round, smiling warmly at the two of you. “What can I get you?”

“Two of your finest Butterbeers, please.” You giggled at Sirius as he put on a posh accent, going to sit down at a table as Rosmerta brought the drinks over. “On the house,” she said, humming as she walked off. You started drinking your Butterbeer, but a screeching sound made you put it down. You stared at Sirius exasperatedly as he shuffled his chair over to yours, the legs squeaking against the floor. You rested your head on his shoulder, swiping some of the foam off your drink and wiping it on your boyfriend’s face, laughing as he gaped at you, before he did the same to you. You scrunched your face up in disgust, laughing even more as he licked it off, shoving him away. “You’re more like Snuffles every day, babe.”

“Oh shush, you love Snuffles.” You grinned at him, kissing his nose. “I do. Do you know if you can make the change permanent?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Haha, you’re so funny.” You took another sip of your Butterbeer, savouring the taste. “I am, aren’t I. I should be a comedian.” Sirius nodded, his eyes sparkling. “That would be a sight.” You shoved him, laughing at his Butterbeer moustache. He smirked, before pulling you into a searing kiss, sending all thoughts of comedians out your head. He pulled back, locking eyes with you. “Better?” You paused for a moment, trying to figure out what he was talking about, before noticing his moustache had disappeared. “You’re going to be the death of me, Sirius Black.” He laughed, booping your nose. “I’m counting on it.”

Sirius cleared his throat, bringing you back to the present. Everybody was starting to get up, and he hung back for a minute, waiting until Remus had gone out of earshot. “You wanna sneak out again tonight?” he whispered hopefully. You sighed in disappointment. “Babe, I would, but I’ve got to go to the library.” Sirius scrunched his face up in disgust. “Ew, why?” You laughed, gently knocking shoulders with him. “I want to look something up.” He shrugged. “See you later, I guess.” You nodded, and watched him walk off. As soon as he was gone, you pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from your pocket, making a mental note of the books listed on it. ‘Animagus for Dummies’ was the first one, and at the bottom you had scribbled ‘ask McGonagall?’ Suddenly a cough made you jump and turn round to find McGonagall staring at you. “Ask McGonagall what?” she asked, her voice curt. You fumbled, panicking before she spoke again, quieter. “Come to my office at seven. We’ll talk.”

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated :)

send an ask if you wanna be tagged

tags: @blackpinkdolan @hoewkeye @shadylittlewonder @sassy-specter @i-am-eating-rn

requests are closed atm, stay tuned for more info!

[tadashit]

Tagged by @elliecollins

Rules: Tag people you would like to know better

Relationship status: lonely 

Favorite colours: RED 

Lipstick or Chapstick: Chapstick

Three favorite foods: Miso soup but only from this one specific East Asian restaurant in my city, fresh thin-cut parmesan chips, and the fruit that’s been floating in white wine sangria

Last song I listened to: Heartless by Kanye

Last movie I watched: The Girl With All The Gifts which made me very Uncomfortable

Top Three TV Shows: Mad Men, American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson, and Law and Order True Crime

Book I’m currently reading: You by Caroline Kepnes which I love and is already one of my favourite books of all time. Joe is the most relatable character ever the whole book is just a fun romp in the swamp with him and his antics. 

Last thing I googled: “Caroline Kenpes or Caroline Kepnes” because I can’t remember how to spell her last name

Time: 11:18pm

Song stuck in my head: None atm

What are you wearing: Clothes

How many blankets do you sleep with: None. I ain’t got no air conditioning. No way in hell am I sleeping with a blanket in this heat.

Dream Trip: New Orleans one more time before it floods forever 

Anything you want: Please send $300,000 directly to my paypal so I can buy a house with air conditioning 

I’m tagging @lumin-blue @ellisavenue @macomico and @jac-oh-lantern

[estie-ellie]

so this is a thing i have been working on

it’s a story with my oc and katey’s oc AND SURPRISE it’s not damie and maggie. i did some tweaking and minor edits, but i can’t quite get the rest on the page atm... any feedback is really helpful. keep in mind too that there’s a huge skip forward in story, because i usually write out of order okby

Day 1: .My dad’s friend Damien came over for dinner last night. My dad knows him through work, but he feels like a distant uncle. He’s pretty cool. My dad mentioned once that he was gay and that I shouldn’t ask any personal questions because it wasn’t polite (and that he was special like me, but he doesn’t look like one)

 Since he’s the only adult I know who is both Not My Parents and Not Straight, I asked him what I should do if I was confused.. about everything. He told me to write it down, be honest. If I can write truth, eventually I’ll see it for myself. Here’s hoping..

 Day 5: Two weeks after the dance, I found out. He told me after we practiced swimming. That was a month ago. Everything seems so blurry and messy and strained. How do you be honest, if you don’t know what you’re doing? What is this? Why can’t it be simple? I want you to be my friend. I want to make you laugh and smile. I want to hold your hand. I want to be close. I want to press my lips against your skin. But I shouldn’t want all of that, I should just want to be friends. Right?

 Day 7: In study hall, he sat next to me and smiled. My heart skipped and I couldn’t breathe right. Even though we spent the period together, it felt like he was floating away. Come back and stay. Come stay. I don’t need to breathe.

 Day 9: We walked to the bus in silence. Hey are you mad? I was so scared he’d say yes. No. He didn’t look at me. Oh. Good. Do you want to hang out tomorrow? No. I’m kinda tired. I think I’ll stay in. Oh.. Okay.. I’ll talk to you later. Yeah.

He walked off and I waited for my bus alone.

 Day 15:  He hasn’t talked to me in five days. We got paired up in lit. We sat in silence and did our worksheets by ourselves. I tried to apologize. The bell rang, he didn’t hear me. 

I don’t know what I’m sorry for.

Day 17: I caught him in the hallway at his locker. I wanted to kiss at edges of his frown. He didn’t see me. In lit he said “pass me the handout”. His hand brushed mine and my stomach ached. It was like being homesick. 

 Day 20: He said ‘hi’ in homeroom when he sat down. It was the last seat. I tried to keep quiet. “Do you think we’ll have group work in lit?” he shrugged and turned the other way. I watched his back scrunch and tighten.

 Day 24: He found me behind the quad with Taylor and Christian wailing on me. 

What the fuck, Kai? He looked disgusted. 

Called you a bitch. My words were bloody. 

We’re not friends anymore.

 He got me to my bus stop and left without a word. His fingertips burned more sinister than the bruises. 

 Day 25: He looked at me with pity. Like I was a dog about to be put down. He sat down next to Hazel in homeroom. Hazel looked up at me like I was stabbing them both in the back. ‘I’m sorry’ I wanted to say. I’m sorry. All my fault, I’m so sorry. I laid my head in my arms where the bruises wouldn’t touch. 

 Day 28: Picked another fight, this time nobody to stop it. Brand new bruises to replace the old ones. More punishment; need to repent somehow. I’m the reason they talk about him. I’m the reason we’re not friends. Just wish in the fights they would aim lower though. It’s hard to look my parents in the eye with a bloody face. They’re worried. My grades are still the same. Except history. He used to help me with it. They don’t know what to do.

I don’t either. 

 Day 40: Everyone avoids me. Either because I look like a loser, they heard I was a loser, or because they already know I’m a lost cause. It’s okay. It’s the right idea. 

 Day 51: It’s hard to pick fights. Even the most sadistic, special-hating barbarians are bored. Got their fill. Won’t look at me. The game’s not fun. Old news. Not even worth the effort. I’m invisible.

 Day 57: Bruises are healing. Feathers are growing back. My parents look relieved when I come home free of new blemishes, no bloody clothes to clean. When I’m home, mom checks in on me every now and again, I try to act like I’m reading or playing games. Dad opens my door at night when he thinks I’m asleep. Homework is still done, dinner is still eaten. I’m mild and cooperative. They are confused. I don’t want to make it any harder on them. I don’t want them to worry. I wish I knew how to fix everything. I am breaking everything. I am broken, too.

 Day 64: We have started to change seats each period. In lit, I am off to the left in the back. He sits in front with Allison and Liam: new friends. When he smiles and laughs, I let myself pretend we are back in his room playing video games, in my backyard on the grass. That his smiles and laughter is because of me.  I look away before I feel nauseous. Before I can cry.

 Day 68: All the bruises are gone. At least, the worst of them. Some of them are slight and small on my chest and shins. No more fights to pick, no taunts to tip. Everyone avoids me or has forgotten. That was inevitable. It’s better that way though, I think. It’s better for him.  But what do I do now?

 Day 69: He wasn’t in school today. I think he got sick. After math, Hazel caught me by his locker. I only stopped a second. She noticed me staring. You have to stop, Kai. She grabbed my arm to pull me aside. I know. I don’t think you do. Everything that’s happened… You can’t keep doing this. I know. She wavered, as if my words set her on a balance beam. She looked at me as if she couldn’t tell whether I understood. Don’t worry, I know I ruined everything. I know I need to stay away.

  She backed away, tugging her books to her chest.  Take care of yourself. She took one last look and walked away.

Day 72: Swim season starts in a couple days. Eli, the varsity captain, begged me to stay on the team. I told him I’d think about it. I hadn’t actually thought about swim season at all this year until he asked why my name wasn’t on the sign up sheet.  I’ll probably stay on. Swimming is the only thing I might do right. Maybe. Day 79: Swim season starts today. My body welcomes the water, but my muscles reject the work. Haven’t practiced, mechanics are off, flip turns too early. I push anyway. I push until my lungs ache and my limbs cramp. At home, I collapse in bed, body too weak, lungs too tired. When I sleep, I don’t dream and I’m grateful.  Day 86: It’s hard to focus in the downtime between school and practice. At home it’s worse. Hours to myself, nothing to do. At least before I had bruises to tend.  Day 92: I saw him at the park on my way home from the deli. He was on the swings, talking to two of his friends and smiling. I don’t think any of them saw me. I rushed toward home with my head down. He’s happy without you.

Without you, he’s happy. 

Day 97: I skinned my knee on the floor of the pool. For the rest of the day, it ached and itched and bled, and before I knew it I was home in bed and I hadn’t been thinking of him. 

Day 101: I always wondered why people would cut. I thought it was too extreme, stupid, a futile attempt at comfort. I get it now though. If you can zero in on the pain, the world is blotted out. It’s easy to numb out all the other thoughts if pain is controlling you. I won’t go overboard. I just need something to pick at. If it aches, I can get through the day.  

Day 112: The cuts are easy to hide with our trunks and briefs, but I went too high this time. I had to lie and say I got it while working outside with my dad. It wasn’t a hard sell, and we went back to flip turn drills. Day 115: Between practice and homework I’ve been pushing myself farther and harder. It’s the only way I don’t break down. In our meet against Northtown High, I beat three of my records. Wish it was good enough to fix everything else. Day 118: After practice, some of the team went out for pizza. I tried to get out of it, but Eli wouldn’t let me. My mom was elated that I was invited anywhere and handed me thirty bucks with an enthusiastic wave goodbye from the minivan. When we got there, Eli gathered our party to sing praises of our previous glory and especially gossip about the hottest girls that came to cheer us on. I smiled and laughed at the right times, but it felt like lying to say that I was interested in anyone who had shown up. ---

I don’t know why I’m going to this party. I have nothing better, I guess. Maybe there’ll be booze.  --- Kai walked inside the mini mansion that was Eli’s home. The party was still in full swing, music pumping throughout the house and conspicuous red cups floating from hand to hand. He decided he had to pick a safe spot, someplace he could be without attracting attention to himself. Kai went alone after all, he needed the cover. The kitchen was too obvious. Too many transactions of alcohol, not enough to stay and graze off of the assortment of snacks and finger food. In the back, a grill was being manhandled by a member of the football team while a few boys and girls on the swim team hugged the edges of a massive pool.  The yard was adorned with buckets of ice topped with various cans and bottles of beer. Kai made his way out and grabbed a bottle, clipped the top with his keys, and retreated inside to investigate further.

From time to time he passed a teammate or an acquaintance that would draw his attention for a moment, but conversations didn’t linger. Kai was glad to have a distraction, though. The booze was finally hitting him and he floated around until settling in the family room in the basement. It was lit in soft yellow candle light, which was probably for function as much as it was aesthetic; it covered the scent of alcohol with a light vanilla puff.  He figured the party would settle down and he could leave, Eli & Co. happy that their fellow teammate showed up for once.

And the party did in fact wind down. Couples eventually left, clumps of friends relocated to various parts of the house, and the backyard became a haven for dimly lit poolside make out sessions. This meant that the couch Kai had been inhabiting soon became possession of a clump of kids in his grade slowly approaching, talking among themselves. 

“You mind if we..” A boy from the group--Nate, Kai recalled-- extended his hand which grasped a bottle of liquor, towards the coffee table in front of Kai’s feet. Kai nodded and scooted to the end of the couch as the group closed in on the living space. He hadn’t quite realized who exactly was in the group, until he Hazel emerged from the back of the group with Gabe in tow.

 "Hey, maybe we shoul-,“ she began.   “It’s ok, I’ll leave,” Kai gathered himself up quickly. He avoided their gaze as he was about to move away.  “Stay,” Gabe’s voice piped up, as they sat across Kai in a loveseat next to Nate. Kai’s eye’s shot up to Gabe and halted. Hazel looked wearily to Gabe, sharing an silent exchange of permission. “It’s okay,” Gabe replied finally.

 Kai looked to from Gabe to Hazel, the ultimate approval resting with her. She looked to Gabe. She nodded once in affirmation. The exchange took mere seconds but Kai had felt like an hour past. He silently sat back down and took a swig of his drink. The rest of the group seemed unfazed by the microcosm and readied themselves for their drinking game. Evidently it was "Truth or Drink”. There was no dare involved; the dare was inherently “get wrecked on Costco brand liquor”. Kai mostly tuned out the noise, the soft snickers and cackling from his party-mates, the clinks of shot glasses. He only made noise enough to apologize when his foot hit Mark Elsen’s who had taken up a spot on the couch next to him.

It seemed like they were having a good time, already a couple rounds in. A few beers in himself, Kai was pleasantly buzzed. The peaceful calm of the booze melted his tension, and for the first time that night, Kai allowed himself to enjoy the party. It was nice to see Gabe smiling, laughing. Nate had his arm wrapped around Gabe’s shoulders and they swayed back and forth with a giggle from Hazel’s joke. The yellow light danced in the chesnut browns in their hair. He had forgotten how pretty it was.

“What about you?” Mark tapped his shot glass to Kai’s shoulder.  “Hmwha?” Kai’s trance was broken and the group looked to him expectantly. “Have you ever cheated on a test?” Mark repeated. Kai looked to Hazel and Gabe again, searching for permission to speak. His eyes fell back to Mark, “A couple times, I guess. On spelling tests, I think.” “That’s pretty lame, man,” Nate replied, pouring shots into the empty glasses, now an additional shot sitting for Kai. “Okay, Hazel. Your turn.” She dutifully began to think of a question and when she came 

[baereaved]

allen walker if nobody's said him already, kanda yu

send me a chara and i’ll tell you my

First impression:

what can i say? he’s allen walker, the hero, the protag, i loved the kid. didn’t think critically about him for a damn second, ever, just loved him & rooted for him, as all good fans do

Impression now:

hoo boy. i, as we all do, have a lot of feelings about allen. i still love the kid, i do, but not the way i used to. he’s a good kid tho, and i’m rooting for him to beat up nea, but he’s also only really starting to learn more about how many sides there are in this war and i’m not really rooting for him to win. i don’t understand his character well and i feel almost… detached from him. maybe ask me again in a year or two when we’re farther in the series. allen’s a heavy subject

Favorite moment:

okay look, idk if it’s like, a good or proper translation, but i have loved this allen quote with all my heart for like, a million years, so. hands down, my fave allen moment. just this. tho, angel wings allen and all the hugs in recent chapters are also Iconic

like this quote?? what a fucking beast of a quote. imagine me behind him after he says it like “OOOOOHHHHHHHHH! B-I-C-T-H! DID YOU HEAR THAT, TYKI FUCKING MIKK?! YOU! CAN’T! BREAK! HIS! CROWN! CLOWN! DOWN!”that’s the cringiest thing i’ve ever typed, but it rlly is just how i feel. i love you allen. drag him

Idea for a story:

eheh. i don’t think i like allen enough to answer this. i’ve never really come up with any stories for him. i guess i’ve been wanting to write some poker pair (tho i’m kind of :/ abt poker pair atm). there is a song that reminds me a lot of him that i’ve wanted to write something for, but i haven’t come up with much. i mean, like… he’s the main character. the entire story’s already about him. he doesn’t need anything from me. also, he’s impossible to write because his character is so fucking weird

Unpopular opinion:

me, knowing there are popular allen opinions but not knowing what they are bc i never pay any attention to allen: uhhhgod knowing fandoms i could say “he’s not flawless” is an unpopular opinion but uh…. we’ll save that for kanda maybe. really it goes for allen, kanda, lavi, tyki, and cross, and maybe i’m even forgetting some people, but. shrug

i guess? dom allen is an unpopular opinion. could also fall into hc territory but almost everyone always writes allen as some teeny baby sub and personally, fuck that. allen’s a dom. this is just the way things are

Favorite relationship:

hm…………. allen doesn’t really have much in the way of good relationships, does he? can i say my least favorite instead… can i use this as another opportunity to talk about how much i hate that abusive bitch cross…

well, realistically, allen and johnny, which i shouldn’t even have to explain because they’re probably the best relationship in dgm at all, but. allen and johnny. they’re the purest fucking thing i’ve ever seen. i’m expecting them to skip off into the sunset holding hands at some point, or to see them in a nice (non-wheat) field somewhere making each other flower crowns. i’m expecting one of those really romantic adorable montages they have in tv shows, i’m expecting them to dance on the beach together or watch the sunrise together or spin around in a circle holding hands with big smiles on their faces. they’re the cutest, happiest pair i’ve ever seen, and i love them

Favorite headcanon:

he likes bugs! i, personally, hate bugs, and have a terribly strong phobia of them, but i also think allen’s the kind of person to be like “bugs have lives too!” and just. allen loves bugs. he takes care of bugs, he’ll get in a fistfight with anyone who tries to kill a bug, he’s probably tried to steal all of the bees malcolm takes care of because he’s worried about them & their livelihoods, allen. loves bugs.i mean, except maybe butterflies. but who knows, maybe sometimes he’ll just look at a butterfly floating past and he’ll just cry a little and be like “i’m so sorry that useless fucker tyki ruined your reputation”. but also maybe he still loves them because lena is also butterflies. hard to say

kanda’s under the cut! i wonder if anyone ever reads the stuff i put under the cut? i wonder if anyone even reads the stuff i put before the cut…

First impression:

uh. he’s a jerk. in all honesty, kanda’s role is pretty fucking small until we get to the alma arc, so he didn’t stand out to me much at all, and i had trouble reading the alma arc, so i never. had much of an opinion of him except that he was a big ol’ meanie

Impression now:

now he’s risen in my esteem a little. he’s still a big ol’ meanie but i like him a lot more after being able to properly comprehend all of the drama of the alma arc & how he’s been with johnny after searching for allen. i’m still mad at him for how he acted in the beginning, and i feel a terrible, endless rage at him for killing skinn, but uh. i can’t really hate him, and i think his relationship with alma was really sweet and i just… have a lot of mixed feelings about kanda.

Favorite moment:

y'all are gonna think i’m some angst-loving criminal (which, i am) but like.

this scene and lil speech from him and these specific panels, exactly, because… i dunno. i like them a lot, though i’m not totally sure why. the dramatic realization of it all rlly… gets me

Idea for a story:

i already explained it in alma’s, but kanda as sheril’s gardener has been. sitting in my ideas folder for ages. it’s a fave of mine. also, i have no other kanda-related ideas, because he pisses me off

Unpopular opinion:

“he’s not the prettiest character” “he has flaws” “he’s an asshole” like where do i beginamazing how calling kanda an asshole can be an unpopular opinion but ppl really do just gloss over that he’s a fucking asshole. i dunno what it is about people and feeling like they can’t love a flawed character so they have to erase every possible flaw they can when they talk about that chara, but uh. kanda’s a big angry idiot who’s hurt people and done bad things and has a lot of troubles that aren’t excused by his past, and god. i just!! want people to be like “hey, this character has flaws, and i still like them, and that’s okay” like… sincerely. it’s all i want.

Favorite relationship:

i guess i’m kind of required by law to say him and alma, but :/ i’m tempted to go with My Ship on this one, because johnnyuu… is so good…… it’s yulma without all the tragedy and murder… it’s what yulma could’ve been…. i love them so

Favorite headcanon:

i like schizophrenic kanda… i mean he already hallucinates. he has like, so many negative symptoms and i just… like schizophrenic kanda. a lot. it’s not, like, unreasonable, and the more popular characters that everyone likes that i can headcanon as psychotic/schizophrenic, the better i feel

[drkla-archive]

HOW DO YOU RUN YOUR BLOG + SHIPPING MEME

|| shipping meme will be under the cut as it’ll get really long other wise. I didnt wanna do two posts over a general mod info thing, I guess? alskmd i dont have much for shipping anyway. gomenasorry. ||

Speed: HEY HO. As you can tell. I’m not fast at all. If i find my grove, I readily stay within the one to two week mark, but if my mood dips like it has been for the past month, i fall back behind for about that amount of time as well. Real life is usually a factor in that even with my several blogs now. Generally, if we talk about what’ll happen, or keep in contact on occasion, i’ll pipe those replies first and feel confident about where to take it. Really the fastest to get me replying is making me angry or challenging me to reply back fast and BOY HOWDY YOU’rE ON, LETS JAM. Personally, I reply to things fast if i have an immediate idea/way to write a reply.

Replies: Surprise, part of my sporadic reply time has to do with how I write replies too. I’ll have about three or four open at a time and write a few sentences here and there across them all until i hit that sweet spot where i can just bog the rest down. My trouble is always getting started or far enough with the start of a reply so the rest can flow. I spend too much time thinkig about that stuff and i really shouldnt oops.  I usually try to get the older ones done  inbetween whatever ones I want to reply. It’s a nice balance.

Starters: I prefer plotting than making starter calls here and there, but I’m a fan of long plots so that can be an issue when other people’s muses float away after writing starters and etc.. HOWEVER, this conflicts with the fun i have crafting up scenarios and interactions. That gets funneled into asks a little better i think, where i’m not expectant of replies or anything beyond a like. I’m always excited for going off asks for rps too. scenarios are fun. 

Inbox:  If I reblog memes. I tend to get them done that day or within tthe week. I tend to see them more as break, fun, and times for when i’m not in the mood for writing replies, or the means to get me back into the swing of writing my character.I feel a little bad putting full focus on them oops

Selectivity:  I’m private and selective.I follow/follow back those who I see my character interacting with, or if i know the mods personally, their blogs. I dont have the socialness to being open or being taken advantage of when it comes to art and the like. I’ve have people in the past want to be my friend/ ship with me only for my art.  its really kinda annoying and obvious when this happens.

Wishlist item: Hhhhhhhhhhh. I have a lot. I love being able to slip into Berserker’s Vlad’s madness and the little idiosyncrasies with it, and especially if they’re called out on it or noticed.  It’s a super fun bounce back or even temper to get to play with. but at the same time I’d like him to develop relationships and long standing things but with the way people have gone and left before that can happen is like  awh man.. Understandable, but what can ya do, yanno. 

Honest note: I dunno. I really enjoy FGOVlad and getting to write him so it’s been really fun. I dont really have much to say beyond that.

SHIPPING INFO // answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?: Well my own twitter ousts me for liking St. George and FGO Vlad but I wouldnt call it an otp so much as a simple ship i like. I dont have any ships on vlad here tho.. and any potentials i do like, I wont actually say because I dont want anyone to conform to me for that kinda stuff asndakgh.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: Most things??? However I am not a fan of forced drama between characters.If it is not natural, then I will not do it.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: Hhhhhhhh. If my muse is old enough to be your character’s parent, that’s too much for me. It dips between  15-20 years. I will never ship with young masters.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?: I guess pretty selective? Most of the time I dont see it happening with my muse/ people arent around long enough for him to come to that kinda ‘like’ (weep) beyond well.. vampire hi time to nom u.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?:  when the clothes start to come off tbh. shrug emoji.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?: i GUESS ATM. ITS’S JUST  Orrie’s @nordiixa Brynhilder and Mellu’s @motherfuckingredsaber Nero but the two are just platonic friends so i dont think that really counts??? Bro’s Vlad would be here too but that’s narcissism and generally frowned on.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: Preferably once a certain point, but one does not necessarily have to ask me if the pace is right Asking is good because it could mean the difference between someone lose their blood or gets a hug. /shrug.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: Rarely. I enjoy ships as they develop or are plotted out. It’s probably the characters i pick up that are factors of this.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:  wtf is ship more or less. i dont underSTAND. but no im not a big shipper. im sorry to disappoint..........

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?: EY,  separate for verses I suppose?? Individual cases. shrug

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: ngl doing stuff with the Vlads @voyvodas and Orrie’s Bryn is very cute and i enjoy that. uu / ♥ their bryn + extravlad is like choice too.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?: Talk to me... ask..... have patience...... rp with me... be respectful..... be vlad’s friend...... and..stick around... alksmalkm

tagged by: idk anymore its bene too long. Probably orrie tho.

[brucegargoyle]

Today’s book is one I picked up on a whim from the library, yet I am happy to report that upon reading it I learned lots of interesting new trivia about everyone’s favourite, foot-stabbing toy, Lego.  The Cult of Lego is a coffee-table sized, photograph-laden romp through the history of the humble, foot-stabbing Lego brick and here’s the blurb from Goodreads:

No, this isn’t a book about joining some fringe cult. It’s a book by LEGO® fans, for LEGO fans, and you and your kids will love it.

In The Cult of LEGO, Wired’s GeekDad blogger John Baichtal andBrickJournal founder Joe Meno take you on a magnificent, illustrated tour of the LEGO community, its people, and their creations.

The Cult of LEGO introduces us to fans and builders from all walks of life. People like professional LEGO artist Nathan Sawaya; enigmatic Dutch painter Ego Leonard (who maintains that he is, in fact, a LEGO minifig); Angus MacLane, a Pixar animator who builds CubeDudes, instantly recognizable likenesses of fictional characters; Brick Testament creator Brendan Powell Smith, who uses LEGO to illustrate biblical stories; and Henry Lim, whose work includes a series of models recreating M.C. Escher lithographs and a full-scale, functioning LEGO harpsichord.

Marvel at spectacular LEGO creations like:

A life-sized Stegosaurus and an 80,000-brick T. Rex skeleton Detailed microscale versions of landmarks like the Acropolis and Yankee Stadium A 22-foot long, 350-pound re-creation of the World War II battleship Yamato A robotic, giant chess set that can replay historical matches or take on an opponent A three-level, remote-controlled Jawa Sandcrawler, complete with moving conveyor belt

Whether you’re a card-carrying LEGO fanatic or just thinking fondly about that dusty box of LEGO in storage, The Cult of LEGOwill inspire you to take out your bricks and build something amazing.

And here are Five Things I’ve Learned From The Cult of Lego by John Baichtal and Joe Meno:

1. The first products out of the Lego factory weren’t little connectable bricks at all, but wooden toys – the most famous being a pull-along wooden duck.

2. Lego has been around for so long that its original patents have expired, which is why in recent years multiple products bearing the “Lego-compatible” mark have popped up around the place.

3.   The best selling of Lego’s products to date has been the Mindstorms robotics system.

4. Lego has been used to great effect in Autism therapy programs, as well as in corporate settings to encourage creative problem solving.

5. In accordance with Lego’s tagline, “build your dreams”, clever folk around the world have built everything from functioning ATM and vending machines to prosthetic limbs out of Lego…although my personal favourite creation is the working, floating bug killing device designed by two pioneering Kiwis (the people, not the birds) to overcome the problem of having an uncomfortable number of water insects inhabiting the family pool.

When I checked this one out of the library I expected that it would be the kind of book that I would idly flick through during points of boredom, but I actually ended up reading it cover to cover.  This was no mean feat given that the book is a hefty, coffee-table sized tome, but I like to think that holding it up for long periods counted as exercise.  Beginning at the beginning, the book takes a look at the fascinating history of the toy company that would eventually become the home of the ubiquitous and iconic Lego brick.  The company’s commitment to quality, amongst other things, is clearly one of the reasons why Lego has been around for so long, and has made such an impact on popular culture.

From Lego’s early incarnations, the book moves on to explore the extensive world of AFOLs (Adult Fans of Lego, to the uninitiated) and the “cult” that has built up around the humble toy brick.  You may not be aware of this, but adult Lego fans are everywhere, with their own webcomics, literature, conventions, language, online forums and competitions and if you ever wanted to be part of a hardcore hobbyist community based around a children’s toy, Lego could certainly provide your entry ticket into such a world.  As well as the world of competitive building by adult Lego fans, the book takes a look at Lego as art, Lego as architecture and the ways in which adult builders have taken Lego to whole new levels that could not have been imagined by the company’s founders.   No book on Lego could be complete without a close look at the Minifig phenomenon, and these little guys play a big role in the cult of Lego, influencing everything from the scale of creations to the builders’ choice of avatar in the online and business worlds.

There is a section of the book devoted to Lego and robotics and this was a whole new world for me as I have never particularly dabbled in the Technic sets, let alone the Mindstorms system, which allows users to program robots for all sorts of purposes, from the aforementioned vending machines, to robots designed to solve Rubik’s Cubes.

The point of difference for this book is that it takes a focused look at how a simple interconnected building toy has made such an incredible impact on wider society.  At the same time, it uncovers the vast and complex subculture of adult fans of Lego and the many ways in which the brick has evolved beyond “toy” status, in the hands of grown ups with innovative ambitions.  If you are a fan of Lego, and indeed of social history, I can recommend this book as one to lose yourself in.

In a nod to those adult builders, below is a little selection of photos from the Brisbricks (that’s the Brisbane Lego Fan User Group) display that Mad Martha visited in June of 2016 at Strathpine:

Kudos to the builders that came up with squirrel herding and chickens escaping from KFC!

Until next time,

Bruce

The Cult of Lego: A “Five Things I’ve Learned” Review Today's book is one I picked up on a whim from the library, yet I am happy to report that upon reading it I learned lots of interesting new trivia about everyone's favourite, foot-stabbing toy, Lego.  

[hydrus]

Version 403

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

Despite losing a couple days to sickness, I had a great two weeks doing small jobs.

shortcuts

I reworked some of the behind the scenes of shortcut commands, most importantly cleaning up a bad decision I made when I first moved to the new system. There are about 120 'simple' commands in the system, and now all of them are defined in a neater way that allows me to change and expand things more easily in future.

Every shortcut now has a nicer 'label' when you select it in the edit shortcuts UI (and anywhere else the command is shown). Rather than the old 'focus_media_viewer', you'll get something like 'keyboard focus: to the media viewer'. Rating shortcuts will also display their service's rating as it understands it, like 'set to 3/5' instead of the ugly internal data of 'set to 0.6'.

Although I have been wanting to add more actions to the system--mpv commands have been delayed far longer than I wanted--I have been putting that off until this was done. I hope to push on this more in the near future.

the rest

The options->gui pages page now has options to set the height of the autocomplete dropdown results lists, which were previously hardcoded. It only applies to new lists atm, so restart the client once you find a nice height for new pages.

All 'tag import options' attached to downloaders now have an explicit optional 'tag whitelist'. It is just below the blacklist button. If the whitelist is populated, then any file that does not have at least one of the given tags at the download source will not be imported. This is a specific tool, generally not as commonly useful as a blacklist, but it does allow you to filter downloaders that only let you download by an artist username (e.g. "I want Artist A's Evangelion and Metroid content, but nothing else.").

Right-clicking on many files should now give combined 'times viewed' and 'total viewtime' info lines on the menu. It is cool to see on a big selection of favourites!

An important issue where the Client API could duplicate-add tags to multiple tag services on an 'add url' call is fixed. Thanks to a user for finding the solution here.

Thanks to a user's work, there is a new stylesheet, Hydracula, under options->style. It is a darkmode theme.

The hydrus client no longer does the 'background disk cache' job by default. This routine has become less important over time, and as more users have moved to SSDs anyway, where it has little to no benefit, I am now relegating it to a special mode just for HDD users with larger dbs who need it. All users will be reset to not using it on update, so if it is still important to you, please check options->speed and memory to set it back to what you want.

I neatened layout and menu code in several different places. The 'gui' and 'gui pages' options pages had some attention, and the 'network' menu particularly have been shuffled around. The duplicates page now starts on the 'prep' tab if work needs doing, review service panels now highlight repository errors in red text, the edit subs panel is cleaned and has less spammy help, and the 'restore from backup' command now works with and reports text updates to the exit splash.

A handful of users have had trouble in recent versions getting the windows hydrus executable to run. There are different problems for different users with both the old and new versions of the exe bundler I use, and I am moving back up to the latest this week, as it seems to be less bad overall. If you had trouble booting since v400 and v403 again does not boot for you, please roll back to the last version that did work and let me know. There does not seem to be a great solution here, but maybe with more info I can figure something out, or at least properly diagnose it.

client api for advanced users

We need to experiment with this more, so feel free to play with this if you know what it is about, but for now this is mostly just for Client API developers, so we know what we need to do to get this working nicely.

The Client API (and the ancient and less-used local booru) now tentatively support https. You turn it on under ''services->manage services''. It works like the hydrus server, and the same caveats apply: the certificates behind the https are 'self-signed', which means they work but are imperfect, and any program that wants to talk to them may have to access in a 'do-not-verify' way, or only after adding a specific exception rule, like you sometimes see in web browsers. If your Client API is actually hosted on a domain and you have a proper cert for it, feel free to replace the client.crt and client.key files that will be created in the db dir--the client should pick them up and use them no problem when it next boots.

full list

shortcuts:

shortcuts have a backend update this week. a bunch of hacky stuff is now cleaner behind the scenes, and the related UI has some cleanup as well

converted all 100-odd simple shortcut commands from hacky text ids to a proper enumerated id system, and across every single instance across the program

wrote nicer descriptive labels for all simple shortcuts. gone is 'focus_media_viewer', now is 'keyboard focus: to the media viewer'

if you have no like/dislike or numerical services, the respective application command edit panels now say so and do not allow an ok action

like/dislike rating sub-panels now start with 'like' checked

when a like/dislike or numerical rating sub-panel is set to 'remove', the action dropdown is set to 'set' (rather than flip) and is disabled, as is the numerical slider

application commands now state better "3/5" information about rating actions, rating than the underlying "0.6" float implementation

all application commands existing in shortcuts or elsewhere are updated to the new enumerated id system

refactored ApplicationCommand (the side of shortcuts that holds the actual action to be done) and its edit UI to new separate files

completely refactored the application command edit panel, pulling the simple/tag/rating sub-panels into their own decoupled classes, simplifying the tangle and permitting easier future expansion

rearranged some application command functions and contant definitions to more appropriate locations

improved how application commands are interrogated by the objects that process them

added plenty of type hinting around application command processing code

cleaned up a bunch of shortcut and application command code, including some wx->Qt updates as well

.

menu and UI cleanup:

removed an old wx hack that prohibited last-second ui updates. the exit splash screen now reports final db shutdown info

if a service or account is currently non-functional (e.g. all repositories are paused), the appropriate status text is now in red

if there is work to do the first time a duplicate page is opened or looked at, it now moves to the 'preparation' tab

doing a 'migrate database' file migration now temp-closes the migrate db dialog and hides the main gui while it goes on

brushed up the tag filter ui a bit--now only one of the tag_filter/blacklist test phrases only show up, in the appropriate context, and the test text input now supports multiple newline-separated tags (e.g. if you want to paste a bunch)

every panel on review services now has a refresh button to force an update

the 'clear trash' button on the trash review services panel is now disabled when there is nothing to clear

updated edit subscription panel to point to the main html help and brushed up that help to talk about file limits more, also the earlier downloader help has a little section to highlight subscriptions and their use

reworked the 'restore from db backup' command--it is now integrated into client shutdown proper, and reports its basic restore progress to the exit splash screen

reorganised the 'network' menu. manage subs is now up top, downloader submenus are now split better into high-level vs component-level, and login stuff is pulled to its own submenu

put 'network traffic' at the top of the network->pause menu

rearranged some of the 'gui' and 'gui pages' option pages and tucked everything into box sections for clarity

the search pause/play button on search page tag autocomplete now has a simpler 'search paused' label when paused. the code has a similar nomenclature change, and eventually this will turn into a simple pause/play icon button or similar

fixed some weirdness with floating autocomplete dropdowns sometimes not appearing on dialogs on first load

fixed some focus logic so set-focus calls on downloader pages should work again on the query input text box and elsewhere

unified all numerical rating->stars and stars->rating calculations across the program. this may have fixed some edge-case bugs

unified all rating string generation across the program

.

the rest:

the disk cache options under _options->speed and memory_ are now default off and force-set off for all users on update. as more users are on decent ssds where these options are of limited value (and sometimes negative value), I now only recommend them for users on HDDs

added two options for autocomplete results list height to 'gui pages' option page, under the new 'controls' section

fixed a critical issue where the client api could duplicate-add tags with url imports to multiple services. the potential service duplicate cascade order was pseudorandom and particular to a client. thanks to a user for figuring this issue out (issue #317)

added a 'tag whitelist' to downloader tag import options. its edit button is below the blacklist. when there are no tags in the list, it does nothing, but if tags are added, then files that do not have at least one of the given tags at the download source will not be imported. for instance, if you have a username-based downloader (where you can't add more tags to the query to filter serverside), and you only want their metroid content, you can now filter it simply hydrusside (issue #279)

if you are both in advanced mode and a mad lad, the basic blacklist tag filter now allows you to show the 'whitelist' and 'advanced' panels again, if you have a complicated blacklist to set

the local booru and client api now support the same https as the hydrus server, using self-signed certificates stored in the db directory. just set the checkbox in manage services and you should be good. self-signed certificates are free and will work on a server hosted off an IP address, but they are imperfect. they are also likely to require special permission to be accepted by the web browser or whatever you want to talk to the https service. however, if you host your client from a real DNS domain and have your own fully signed cert+key files, you can swap them in no problem

local booru and client api urls adjust scheme for the new option, and unified and cleaned up how booru share urls are generated internally

the way cert+key files are generated is moved from server code to common hydrus code

cleaned up how additional db files like certificate files and the mpv conf are managed for backup/restore operations

cleaned up some ancient http urls to https. mostly stuff like the regex tutorial links

when files are appended to a regular search page (e.g. from a subscription publish to an existing page, or from a mouse drag and drop), the search context will now pause. this is to stop accidental F5 or mass refresh signals wiping out the changed page

to break advanced-case gallery search loops, gallery url jobs now have a 'run' identity token. galleries pass their token down to 'next page' or 'sub-gallery' urls they generate, meaning all urls of a particular search run share the same url. gallery logs now ignore to-be-added urls that already exist for their token, terminating loops. new tokens are generated if a search is restarted or similar, meaning duplicate urls can exist in a gallery log, just not from the same starting point (issue #302)

improved simple gallery url deduplication in several stages of the downloader pipeline

when right-clicking on multiple thumbs, the info lines off the top menu item now list the files' combined viewtimes (this previously only showed when one file was selected)

fixed some error reporting problems with adding urls to import via the client api--some url class exceptions were being converted from 400 to 500 errors unintentionally

a new stylesheet, 'Hydracula', is added to the default install. check it out under options->style. thank you to a user for contributing this

subscriptions are better about calculating a 90 second forgiveness window for bandwidth rules. they should schedule and startup more effectively, and the edit subscriptions and single edit subscription panels should also no longer show bandwidth delays below the next 90s, which are often a technical situation of regular work breaks that are better ignored for the purposes of the dialog

went back up to pyinstaller 3.6 again on windows, as 3.5 caused its own Qt bindings dll problems. if you had trouble with 3.6 (401), let me know how this works for you, as there are additional dll-finding fixes included (issue #329)

fixed an issue where under some conditions, file save dialogs were only happy with filenames that already existed (issue #319)

fixed an issue with the 'client already running' system sometimes not closing the client process correctly when told to cancel the boot

bumped the 'space needed for vacuum' estimate up to 120% (was 100%) of estimated final file size, just to catch some edge cases

rolling out updated danbooru parsers that pull associable urls correctly, thank you to a user for this fix

rolling out an updated deviant art parser that finds some unusual file urls when other methods fail, thank you to another user for this fix (issue #295)

upgraded cloudscraper to 1.2.42

improved some type hinting

fixed up some unit tests for new command and rating data

next week

Next week is a 'medium sized job' week. I want to write a 'list manager' to manage and remember presentation options for all the multi-column lists across the program. The ideal here will be to have selectable columns and columns that remember their last width. It will open the program to supporting clever and specific columns, initially hidden due to size constraints, for things like the edit subscriptions list in future. There are many lists in the program, and a lot of code here, so I am not sure how far I will get, but I think I'll be able to do column width memory at the least.

[survivekohsai]

Episode 10 - I’m So Dumb ~ Bryce

Okay I love an instant tribal! SIKE. I was in the car having to just yolo what was happening. I voted linus and was right so iconic! I need to make sure eric knows I didn't vote him so that we can work together. Jackson wanted linus gone and Richie wanted Eric gone so I had to choose a side. I went with voting linus because I thought that it would let  me be closer to trixie and quillynn that way and possibly take a shot at regan because i was afraid her and linus were close. Now I need to make sure to work with Richie tho so that we're close and actually maybe vote eric idk? Theres a lot of power players and atm Jackson is my partner but he could be playing everyone. I still have my idol at f7 which is so fun only two more oppurtunities to use it so I might be targeted. Me Eric Jackson Trixie Quillynn all have our idols i think maybe regan too. SO its awk I think Im playing my idol next time or  I need to make a strong 4. I think that I can get richie I just need to see who voted who in this round. I think the eric votes were richiex2 and regan and linus. so everyone else didnt vote that way. Also richie played his idol because regan didnt respond to him so maybe they arent as close as i thought they were.

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my nine-and-a-halfth confessional. I'm writing this after the instant tribal because it was wild and I know Rob is thirsting for the details 👀 So at the first tribal, everything went the way I had hoped. RTP went home (although not before dropping another vote my way, I wonder if he hates me lol) and Richie wasted his idol! Woo! My purposely acting super fake worked. I waited hours to respond to his messages and then acted super overly nice like I was planning to blindside him and he bought it. I love reverse snakeology ! So then Rob finally dropped the bomb on us that the lists we had submitted of who we want voted out most to who we want out the least were for an instant tribal. We only got thirty minutes to decide who to vote out (and everybody who wasn't around voted based on their list), with Regan being immune since she got the burger from the survivor auction. So I hit the ground running. I immediately hit up Quillynn and Trixie and floated the idea of taking Linus out. It was the safest option, and if Richie's envelope advantage turned out to be a clue to another idol, it was best to not go for him on such short notice. Then I was approached by Bryce and Richie, and I was able to get Richie to admit to me that his advantage was actually a double vote. I didn't want to believe it 100% until he actually played it, but fortunately he did so in his effort to blindside Eric, which I eventually decided not to be a part of. Eric was super extra on the live tribal and I think he's rubbing people the wrong way (including Rob oop) so he's a good person to bring farther into the game I believe. In the end, Linus was voted out 5-4 (with the votes for Eric being from Linus, Richie's doublevote, and Regan who went by her list), and I'm pretty satisfied. I would've been happy if Eric played his idol but I think we can make it work next round. I hadn't forgotten about Linus' flipping on Akito (who I would've taken to the final 3 in a heartbeat) and it felt good to give it right back to him. Okay that's about all that happened on my end, I'm ready to try to get that immunity necklace back. Byeee

okay so im a fucking mess in this game.... i played my idol and wasted it because there was some mysterious figure going around throwing my name out.. everyone but jackson came to me and said that my name was being thrown out and regan told me that she was told to tell rtp my name so clearly shit is going down but before the vote i hadnt heard from regan when i confronted her about rtp telling me that regan threw my name out so i was paranoid and i played my idol and it was dumb because hi instant tribal 2 minutes later!!! the instant was terrible because only me, jackson, eric, and bryce were online so trixie, linus, regan & quillynn couldnt be contacted to discuss the vote so half of the votes were a mystery.... linus was my #1, i have a good relationship with regan and trixie, ive had some game talks with bryce and quillynn that i feel like i could work with them if i needed to so it seemed like eric was the person i had the least connection with on this tribe but he was online so he would be able to play an idol if he thought he was in trouble... also the other name being thrown around was linus and i did not want that at alllllllllll.... i probably should have tried to throw one of the people who werent online at the time under the bus so that the fear of an idol play wouldnt be there but that would have only been regan, trixie, or quillynn and i didnt want to vote out regan or trixie under any reason and i know jackson and q are friends bc he's her mood message theyre not subtle so like i couldnt get jackson on my side for that so i came up with a plan that if me jackson and bryce all vote for eric thats 3/8 and i play my double vote advantage i won in the auction then thats 4/8 which would be enough to cause a tie but i was saying that since the people who werent active at the time would have their votes be cast by their lists that the votes would be all over the place so that the vote would look something like a 4-2-1-1 or something of the sort so that our 4 would have the majority.... and to ensure that eric wouldnt play his idol i went to him and ensured him that the plan was to vote out whoever he wanted and sell the fact i was with him none of that worked askdjhfkasjdfhaksfjh it came down to 4-4 votes between linus and eric and then the last vote comes in andddddddd it's for linus.... so not only did my closest and only real ally in this game leave but i also played my idol and my advantage + i just lied and fucked over eric so hes still in the game knowing that i just lied to him and used my advantage to try and vote him out......... im fucked huh lmao 

Regan Medevaced

Alright, so time to explain my full strategy since I haven't really had time to make full confessionals. My main alliance is with Jackson and Trixie, where I have been going under the radar, trying for Jackson to make all the moves for me, while I slide past another tribal. Jackson is also the only person I can trust because he trusts me. Richie and I had something going but he probably voted against me last tribal, so I have to rethink that. Quillynn NEEDS to go because trixie and quill will obviously take eachother to finals. I need trixie to trust jackson and myself more. I also need bryce and richie to think we are turning on eachother because I wouldn't be surprised if they thought we had something going on. I am glad my UTR strategy got me to f6 but this is when I need to make my move. I have something to say about having people make moves on my behalf, now I need to say I am capable of making my own moves. Wish me luck <3

IM SO DUMB LITERALLY I COULD HAVE WON IMMUNITY. I threw two questions so that eric wouldnt be extra mad at me and  then i lose by one point. and its f6 now so i wanted to win this I didnt care about f7 immunity. I wanted to be immune f6 idol f5 regan leaving is so annoying JKDSFJKSD its so easy to send in a list. I am going to have to blindside someone now or maybe idol ugh. I think eric is the easiest to blindside since hes away a lot. UGH more confessionals tomorrow i feel so dumb askdfhadsjkf

So I got Jackson on board my plan which is to get people to use their vote only on me so that I can waste their votes when I use my idol. There is no way I am not using it this round. Clearly the plan was a success because Richie came straight to me as soon as Jackson told me about the plan. The best person to go for my game right now would be Quillynn, so I would just have to throw the vote without telling a soul and praying that my plan worked.

I just told Jackson that he should vote me and I will vote someone else. If the plan goes perfectly, everyone will think the vote is me or Jackson, and I will have the deciding vote. The only thing to do now is to make people think that one person will unknowingly get a vote so that everyone doesn't freak out and play their idols.

Everyone is going to idol and its gonna be a mess! Woo!

I’ve offically tied my record in a survivor game by making it to top 6 and i’ve like barely tried compaired to my usual effort, I guess playing UTR does work huh. Also I doubt i’m leaing since we’ll like all be idoling

So my plan worked and now Richie at least appears to be going full on against Jackson (at least if what he has been telling me isn't lies). Right now, I could either go rogue and vote Quillynn, a move I need for my own game. This would be good for my game because Trixie and Quill have an obvious deal together, and I want Trixie to trust Jackson and myself more than Quill. But right now, if Jackson and I appear to be against eachother, it's also smart that we vote eachother expecting an idolpocalypse, which would reset the round with no one having idols. Although my current main target wouldn't be eliminated, Richie appears to be against Jackson, and Jackson now trusts me, and vice versa. I didn't even realize until it was all said and done that I basically asked Jackson to throw himself under the bus and he did just that for me. For that, he has my trust, for now. I don't know what's smarter for my game. I just want to make it to the next part of the game. This is definitely a thrussy thrasher.

[3:27:05 PM] Bryce: i heard people are doing eric [3:27:15 PM] Bryce: and then like if he idols then everyone idols i guess? [3:27:19 PM] Bryce: and we reset idk [3:27:22 PM] Bryce: I'm scared! [3:27:34 PM] Richie: obviously i’m down for that because i tried to get him out last time and failed [3:27:46 PM] Bryce: yaaa like same my b about last time KFDSK [3:27:58 PM] Richie: however i need to talk to you about something [3:28:10 PM] Bryce: okay [3:28:23 PM] Richie: trixie and quillynn just went to final 2 together in another game [3:28:36 PM] Bryce: Omg woah oh in unoava? [3:28:37 PM] Richie: and jackson and quillynn are good friends from outside the game [3:28:39 PM] Bryce: go them! [3:28:41 PM] Bryce: oh wow yikes [3:28:42 PM] Bryce: KJDSFHKJDS [3:28:52 PM] Richie: so if we vote out eric [3:28:53 PM] Bryce: i love knowing no one... [3:28:55 PM] Richie: and those 3 and us 2 [3:28:59 PM] Richie: we’re fucked [3:29:30 PM] Bryce: hmm true so we would have to make the move and work with eric? does he know you voted him last time [3:29:43 PM] Richie: theres no scenario in that final 5 where the 2 of us survive [3:30:43 PM] Richie: id probably be taken out before you at final 5 if i lose immunity but then you’d be in a must win situation in final 4 where if you lose you’re fucked [3:31:03 PM] Bryce: hmm yeah ahh ugh i didn't realize that people all were like in games and knew each other [3:31:13 PM] Bryce: that's so troubling yikes! [3:31:23 PM] Richie: and even if you’re in final 3 with 2 of them they have the friends on jury and its apparent from touchy subjects that jackson is seen as the ringleader of this game [3:32:02 PM] Bryce: wait but i was just talking with quillynn about her mood message because it said 7-2 loser and she said she was a little sad about the outcome so maybe she isn't close with Trixie as much now after the end result? [3:32:13 PM] Bryce: yaa Jackson got a lot of good stuff [3:32:27 PM] Richie: i didn’t get a single answer lmao [3:32:28 PM] Bryce: i didn't realize at the time that the 7 voted for Trixie tho [3:32:41 PM] Bryce: omg yaa robbed your Nicole gifs are always great and humorous [3:32:47 PM] Richie: I’m irrelevant in this game lmao [3:32:56 PM] Bryce: i thought everyone was voting you for funny one KDHS [3:33:28 PM] Richie: i mean i obviously deserved that because I’m hilarious and amazing but even i put down trixie bc i don’t talk to anyone enough for them to realize how funny i am adsfj [3:34:33 PM] Bryce: hmm okay so our plan would to be what exactly? like we would need eric on our side right? because if he makes it to f5 and we get one of Jackson Trixie or Quillynn out then wont they just work with him and we're in the same position [3:35:33 PM] Richie: yeah I’m thinking if i go to him and talk to him about that group of 3 and say like the best route for him is for the 3 of us to go forward together [3:36:15 PM] Richie: then he goes to them and tells them he’s with them and acts confidently enough into making them think he won’t play an idol??? [3:36:38 PM] Bryce: hmm okay yeah for it to work he has to be with us so we aren't just doomed again at f5 [3:36:50 PM] Bryce: wait he tells them that me/you/him are a thing? [3:36:55 PM] Bryce: wont that be bad? [3:36:57 PM] Richie: nooo [3:37:21 PM] Richie: I’m assuming that they’re going to tell him that you’re the vote for the night [3:37:32 PM] Richie: because they won’t use any of their names for the decoy [3:37:36 PM] Richie: and you’re the only other option [3:38:08 PM] Bryce: ooh smart yeah [3:38:16 PM] Richie: so if he goes to them and says like hey ill vote out bryce i trust you guys [3:38:29 PM] Richie: and then we tell them we’re voting eric [3:38:53 PM] Richie: so they think it will be 5-1 eric and hope that eric doesn’t play his idol [3:39:03 PM] Bryce: oooh okay wow this is good if we can pull it off [3:39:14 PM] Bryce: just need eric to not leak [3:39:48 PM] Richie: the only thing is that if eric plays his idol and they’re like fuck and play theirs after [3:40:08 PM] Richie: but i think its worth the risk [3:40:31 PM] Richie: bc i’ll take the gamble that at least one of them won’t be around to play their idol live [3:40:35 PM] Bryce: ooh yaa but even then wed all play idols and itd reset right [3:40:50 PM] Richie: yeah that would be worst case scenario [3:40:52 PM] Bryce: and me you eric are then in a 3 v 3 situation ahhh okay cant let hat happen [3:41:14 PM] Richie: i mean its a very risky play [3:41:36 PM] Richie: but the alternative is just voting out eric and taking our chances in final 5 immunity challenge [3:42:43 PM] Richie: if it works we’re on a path to the end if it doesn’t then we’re in a shitty position but we’re in a shitty position anyway [3:43:09 PM] Bryce: i just feel like everyone voting eric and then he idols and then we reset and vote him out again is easier?  i just don't want to do this and unite the 3 against us if they aren't actually together [3:43:39 PM] Richie: well i’ve known that jackson and q have been together for a long time [3:43:49 PM] Bryce: like maybe theyre just playing me but i don't think that those 3 are a super tight thing and that wed be able to swing someone on our side at f5 i thought that Quillynn and you were super close [3:44:17 PM] Richie: you know i wanted eric out baaaad [3:44:32 PM] Richie: i really like q trixie and jackson a lot [3:45:04 PM] Richie: but i just can see whats going to happen and it doesn’t look good for either of us and id hate to just go along with the plan bc i like them and then we’re fucked [3:47:01 PM] Bryce: omg ahhh i just don't want to make a play that blows up in our face when maybe its unnecessary like i don't see quilynn and Jackson both wanting to go to the end together esp when it she just lost a game so she prob wants to win this one and Jackson is seen as the one in charge so its more likely hed win [3:48:46 PM] Richie: i do think that if we vote out eric tonight and then we could possibly get trixie over to vote out jackson next time [3:49:00 PM] Richie: but if eric leaves tonight then jackson still has his idol next round [3:50:03 PM] Bryce: hmmm ahhh true wed all have idols but you and then youd have to win immunity or be ciried out [3:50:54 PM] Richie: true [3:51:04 PM] Bryce: ugh [3:53:58 PM] Richie: http://78.media.tumblr.com/7e38d14c8d831bc876c2b19403502d66/tumblr_ov5fnf06f01vzwwmeo3_250.gif [3:54:42 PM] Richie: okay [3:54:59 PM] Bryce: I'm like cleaning my room and trying to think [3:55:19 PM] Richie: what if we vote eric tonight but tell him to play his idol so that sets off the chain reaction of everyone playing their idol so we start final 6 over fresh [3:55:23 PM] Bryce: if we vote out eric we need to make everyone use their idols so that you don't get ciried [3:55:27 PM] Bryce: yeah [3:56:04 PM] Richie: then final 6 round 2 we either try and talk to one of them to make it 4-2 or we vote out eric and then final 5 we make out move without any idols in the way??? [3:58:10 PM] Bryce: yeah I think that's the best way just make sure that eric doesn't out who told him to play it and then everyone idols and we do 5-1 and then we can get Trixie on our side at f5 [3:58:41 PM] Richie: we can maybe make an alliance chat with eric tell him we’re with him but we’re going to vote for him tonight so that they think that we’re with them and can try and get one of them on our side to save him next time [3:59:23 PM] Bryce: okay yeah just have to be careful eric doesn't leak because Jackson said they were close [3:59:28 PM] Richie: ugh [3:59:49 PM] Bryce: he said he talks to him but then he also was the first person to throw his name out for this tribal to me [3:59:54 PM] Richie: same [4:09:43 PM] Bryce: I tried talking to eric and he said no one threw out any names yet so either its true or hes been told me and hes just not mentioning it to me [7:46:50 PM] Richie: im nervous [7:47:01 PM] Bryce: omg me too FKDSJH [7:47:04 PM] Richie: i talked to eric a lot [7:47:28 PM] Bryce: ooh what did he say [7:47:31 PM] Bryce: is he idoling? [7:47:42 PM] Richie: i told him to [7:48:56 PM] Bryce: okay get ready for a reset! [7:49:00 PM] Bryce: who is he voting? [7:50:55 PM] Richie: he wants to vote jackson because i told him it was jackson who threw his name out [7:51:15 PM] Bryce: ooh ok that's the tea lets have such a fun tribal I'm ready [7:51:23 PM] Bryce: but like so nervous [7:51:24 PM] Bryce: KFKSJDFHJKS SCREAMING HATE THIS TRIBAL SO MUCH ITS RESETTING ALSO RICHIE IS DOING THIS BECAUSE HES GONNA GET CIRIED IF HE DOESNT WIN IMMUNITY AT F5!!!!  im so confused

i tried to come up with like 50 different plans tonight lmao... i found out that trixie and quillynn just went to final 2 together in another game bc of quillynns mood message which is the same way that i realized jackson and q were friends so she needs to watch that bc thats how im getting all my tea lmao i talked to bryce and i outlined the fact that trixie/quillynn/jackson are a dangerous trio and if we vote out eric tonight then we'll be final 5 with those 3 and they'll have majority... i dont really know if i believe that those 3 are actually a real alliance but thats not stopping me from trying to turn bryce against them to put the target there idc if its true i had just enough info to make it seem like its true.... i manically came up with like 10 different plans where we try and form a 3 person alliance of me/bryce/eric and take out one of those jackson/q/trixie so that we had majority in final 5 (mind you i literally just used a double vote advantage to try and vote out eric and with regan being evac'd i'm the only person on this tribe that voted for eric those those 5 all voted out linus at the instant and now here i am trying to get eric to trust me and work with me to vote out jackson who 2 days ago i told an explicit plan about how i wanted eric out and what i was going to do and here i am baiting eric with a very small tea of jackson saying eric's name once lmao) anyways  none of those plans work bc they hinge on eric playing his idol and if eric plays his idol then they all play their idols which isnt the most effective play but my original idea once i won immunity was to cause as much chaos as possible so that everyone is paranoid and plays their idol that way i'm not cirie'd next time bc im the only one without an idol...

Voting Confessionals

(Voting for Eric) this sucks but I think  its the only possibility

(Voting for Eric) http://78.media.tumblr.com/276b29c6a519f0e7b5c71e7715f4f979/tumblr_of3pgb9XZH1vzwwmeo7_r1_250.gif

(Voting for Eric) hey you know why i'm voting for you so no big deal

Everyone played their idol.

Everyone is immune.

Quillynn, Jackson, Bryce, and Richie voted Eric.

Trixie voted Bryce

Eric voted Jackson

[canaryatlaw]

SO. today was pretty damn awesome. I woke up at like, 8:52, 8 minutes before my alarm was going to go off, and got up to start getting ready for our fun con day. We soon discovered that Jess had not in fact brought a black wig for my Nora Darhk cosplay like she said she was going to (she’s not gonna read this so I’m just gonna shade her a bit here) so we decided to make a quick trip to party city before going to the con. We finished getting ready and ate some of the breakfast the airbnb people made for us (so cute) and Jess wouldn’t crack the stupid hard boiled egg open so I had to crack it for her (I just dropped it like 4 inches onto the table) and then crack my own lol and I was amused. So we ubered to the party city and quickly picked up a shitty black wig that was appropriately named “witch wig” (because Nora’s basically a witch) and it was the closest look to the crappy wig they had in the episode. I like, wasn’t even mad because the episode wig was so crappy anyway it was probably more authentic than anything else, lol. so we got the wig and then took another uber (so many fucking ubers) to the con site. Brandon and Courtney hadn’t arrived yet so we waited in Brandon’s line and said hi to him, took selfies and got autographs, then jumped over to Courtney’s. This was her first like, actual con experience and omg, you guys, she’s so adorable and nice and just amazing. She wanted pictures of Jess and I in cosplay on her phone so she could have them which is just like WHAT so that was pretty damn awesome. After that we went outside to meet up with two friends who were driving up from Miami to meet up with us. So we waited for them to find their way over to where we were (it’s kind of a big complex with a lot of parking and shit) and we gave them our wristbands from yesterday since we have the VIP ones from the movie last night, so they didn’t have to pay for entry, lol. Their VIP system for like, lines and shit, instead of having a separate line like HVFF does, they like, stagger the VIP people in between the regular people which is like, SUPER AWKWARD lol but I guess it works. There were people there from the local CW affiliate with a bunch of swag they were giving away, posters and t shirts and all this cool stuff, so we definitely got some of that. We looked around a bit and saw Brandon and Courtney were otherwise occupied, so the friends bought a photo op for later on, and we went outside to get some lunch. I ended up getting a cheese panini of some sort that was like one of the only things on the menu that wasn’t fried, and a watermelon shaved ice. We went back inside around 1:30 to wait for the Courtney and Brandon panel at 2 for legends. I live tweeted pretty much the entire thing in one big thread if you’re interested in reading that (@RachelEiley on twitter) but yeah it was super cute and they are like the MOST adorable together, like honestly they were so fucking precious and sweet and it was just brilliant. When asked how they sort of got to their roles on the CW Courtney said she had actually auditioned for Laurel back in the day, then they had her read for the part of Vandal Savage’s daughter in season 1, then called her in for Nora because they had liked her as one bad guy’s daughter so they thought they’d try another and it worked lol. She also told a very cute story about how Supernatural shoots right next door to Legends and when she was on Supernatural they’d like, crawl under this hole in the fence and like, get double lunch with each other and cute stuff like that haha it was really just a super fucking cute panel. So when it was over we pretty much headed over to their tables to wait for them. I went to go get some cash out of the ATM to buy a photo op only for it to only let me take out $20, despite confirming I had much more than that in my account, so I called my dad and asked him to call the credit card people to tell them I was in Florida and to let me get money, which he did lol and I was graciously lended money by my friends to buy the photo op, just a single one with Courtney. So we ended up waiting for that and I actually got two shots because the camera guy didn’t like how the first one turned out so now I have two pictures which is awesome with me?? Lol. We had to wait a while for the photos to get printed and everything, so we went back over to the tables and talked to Courtney for a bit which was super cool. We got the photos and then spent a while actually looking through the vendors and the artists alley which had some cool stuff. After that we headed out and had some debate over where to go for dinner, but winded up deciding on the cheesecake factory. it looked super crowded, as it always is, but we only ended up having to wait like 20 minutes so it wasn’t bad. we got to sit outside which was nice because it was a good temperate out. Dinner was nice, I got the pasta there I really like, then I got a shot glass full of ice cream with a candle in it to celebrate my birthday and they had everyone sing haha it was all very good. We were all stuffed so we got cheesecake to go. Once we left it became apparent that two of our passengers desperately needed to go to the bathroom and had failed to do so before we left, so we ended up stopping at a hobby lobby of all places to use the bathroom lol and I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually been inside one of them before, so that was cool, and of course I made them do a quick version of the “hobby lobby photo challenge” that’s been floating around and is all too hilarious. From there we drove back to our airbnb and said goodbye to our friends. Then we basically just sat and chilled out for the rest of the night because we were tired, Jess wrote some fic and I edited some fic for her, and it was all good, then we started getting ready for bed and it’s late again so I should be getting to sleep by now. I have to wake up at 5:15 am to check into our flight for Monday morning which takes off at 5:15 am (which is gonna SUCK) but then go back to sleep thankfully. We’re doing Sara and Ava tomorrow as sort of a dry run before C2E2 in two weeks, so that will be exciting. And yeah, that’s all I got for now. Today was pretty sweet. Hopefully tomorrow will be as well. Goodnight lovelies. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

[bothsandneithers]

Day 2047

For twenty days, I don’t have an email account or Facebook; I am not someone’s graduate student or employee; a con-man, mad-mad is not my president; I don’t reside in Denver, and I don’t have friends that I’ve been meaning to see. I’m not sure what that leaves me. Extract me from my culture, and I’m left with even less. Like, what are we even doing? Floating from country to country, just consuming and not contributing. It’s such an excess experience, seeing sites and museums -- like Mozart’s birthplace in Salzburg, where I guess I gained some comfort in learning that this musical genius saw the utility in traveling and did so for most of his adult life. But, in the same breath, we don’t have the counterfactual of how great he would have been if he would have stayed  --

-- hey, I interrupt myself, standing in the middle of a hotel room in Vienna where Marshall cabinets serve as nightstands, and the bathroom incontestably and inexplicably smells like the powdered seasoning from a chicken-flavored Cup O’ Noodles: Have you seen my other sock?

That is a good question, Don says, pleasantly, emphatically, and with the perfect undertones of rhetoric to imply: I’m not going to address any of your comments leading up to the concrete question about a misplaced article of clothing, because what are you even talking about.

 (

This reminds of the time that I rambled on about almost missing a train in Budapest: Time is a relentless parameter on my existence, and I don’t want to give it more of my life than I need to. Waiting at a train platform is considered preparation time, and I want to limit my allocation of time for such activities. I’m sorry that I almost made us late, but isn’t almost-late actually precisely-on-time? 

I must be really funny or very amiable or a light packer or something.

Because that must get old.

)

But to circumvent my unrelatable quandary of, like, what are we even doing (because I don’t really know why I travel), I will say that even though people and food and places make me tired, I do like the ordinary moments that accompany them. Seeing new places is a luxury; having a cleared mind to pay attention to the things around you is a greater one.  

In Iceland, he accidentally withdraws 1,000 dollars from the ATM at the airport (aren’t there restrictions on such a thing?). We’ve only been here for a day, and he slyly takes out the entire wad of cash, sheepishly becoming familiar with the denominations as he fumbles through each transaction.

We drive through a town, with a paper map, and I read the upcoming intersection with as much grace and effort as when I once tried to pronounce the name of my Ikea bed frame; my voice trails off to an incomprehensible and lazy mumble after the second vowel.

We wake up at noon. We put blueberries in our blueberry yogurt and then drive up to some lava land. We park with all of the tourists but quickly find ourselves on a path away from most of them. The lava walls rise up to form a chasm, and a little path lays below. The French man is on the path and is calling up to his wife, who appears  as if she were a mountain goat -- a stuck mountain goat -- wielding off instructions to her husband, and sometimes to us. It is entirely unclear if she is trying to help him out of the valley or if she is trying to find her way to him. Bonjour, Don says to them. I wonder how they got themselves in that predicament, he says to me.

“We are not meant to know everything, Mae. Did you ever think that perhaps our minds are delicately calibrated between the known and the unknown. Our souls need the mysteries of night and the clarity of day? You people are creating a world of ever-present daylight, and I think it will burn us alive. There will be no time to reflect, too sleep, to cool -- “

-- I KNOW. I say, and toss the book, The Circle, on the coffee table, frustrated that it is both two in the morning and not dark out. I can’t even enjoy this light. It’s not like the daylight that I like to stare out at. I feel like I’m spying. I worry that I will see things that I’m not supposed to see. Dark and night things. This is not my time to exist.

It feels like a lifetime ago that we left Iceland and land in Munich, although it has only been about six hours. We do laundry in a neighborhood near the train station. I like doing laundry when I am traveling. It helps me feel like I belong somewhere. I stand outside, leaning against the building. Me? I’m not just a tourist. I’m a tourist doing laundry. About five minutes ago, I figured out that if I push a button here, then the washing machine over there will fill with water. I belong. I engaged with the world without language. Of course I feel insecure, intimidated, and alienated by, say, the busy morphemes of Hungarian, or the seriousness of German, but I’m not entirely helpless.

We eat dinner in an inner courtyard of a neo-gothic structure in Munich. We hear sounds coming from a nearby table, and all of the candlelit diners disrupt their conversations to see what it is.  There he is. He orders a larger-than-life pork shank. He has invited his laptop to dinner as his date, and World of Warcraft on his screen. I know this game because I saw this video on the internet once that was a recording of characters playing this game (which is a thing that people do). All of the characters were huddled in an inner courtyard of a neo-gothic structure to plan their attack on some bad guys, because one of their teammates, Leeroy Jenkins, needs a shield or something. They strategize. They come up with their plan. One teammate calculates the probability of dying. They have a thirty-two point three-three (“repeating, of course”) percentage of survival.  It’s a selfless act, but before they can implement their plan, Mr. Jenkins takes off, running into the inner courtyard of a neo-gothic structure proclaiming his own name, inserting at least six duplicates for every vowel uttered. I think they all die.

I don’t want to say that what is happening in this courtyard is meta, because I think that term cheapens the experience.

“Infested with tourists” reads a TripAdvisor comment -- the same comment from which I stole the phrase “inner courtyard of a neo-gothic structure.” That’s also what the graffiti says in Vienna. Well, it actually reads: Tourists are Terrorists, but it shares the same derogatory sentiment.  But I am sometimes fond of this infestation; I think it’s wildly enjoyable.

Five minutes until the full train departs from Munich and people are panicking to get on (I did a poor job of managing my time, and so I am already on the train). It’s the family from the Midwest, you know them. They have been planning this trip for the longest time. We don’t know if there are four or five children. The mom is the friend’s mom you had in high school: A planner who is nice to her daughter’s friends, but is relentless in making sure that they know what they are going to be doing five years from now. The dad is the project manager on another team at work who seems nice enough, but you aren’t sure if he is actually good at his job. They all funnel in the departing door. Most of them through the same door.

Where’s Jimmy??

He’s in the back?

Where Tim?

He’s behind me!

Don slinks down in his seat; reeling in discomfort of the disorganization of the family. This is how Home Alone starts, he mumbles.

The dad begins swinging at least five overstuffed and identical suitcases into the overhead bins. He instructs the child closest to him: Seat of opportunity. Take the seat of opportunity.

He likes the sound of this. He gets louder for the whole train to hear him -- for his teammates back home to be inspired by the metaphor: Seats of opportunity, people! Seats of opportunity! It’s okay if we aren’t sitting next to each other; find a seat!!

I think of traveling as being similar to rapidly heated milk -- more specifically, the film of protein that forms over the top of the liquid, which might actually be called milk skin. If you took a fork, peeled off that top layer and ate it, you would be misleading your Facebook friends when you tell them that you drank a cup of milk (this metaphor is both gross and deteriorating). Sometimes you are lucky enough to meet people, or know people where you are going, and really get in a good gulp -- say, by attending a wedding, which happens on this trip. 

Back home, the United States of America shrinks into a corner, and retracts from the rest of the world in an act of distorted self-preservation that will ultimately contribute to its own downfall. It signals to the world that it is afraid of collaboration. The Germans we sit next to at the reception say they find him entertaining. I’m glad to hear that they aren’t losing sleep over him. 

The vowel harmony of the Hungarian language dances upon each of us as the bride and groom marry. The officiant kindly and effortlessly translates to English. New, yet familiar faces are met with recognition and delight as we pass each other in a traditional Hungarian dance circle. The second dinner at midnight comes at the right time replenish the guests.

Right here is one of those moments where it all converges. The appreciation of the banal and the friendly yet distant observations of humanity from train seats and cafes coincides with an untarnished connection between people, in spite of geopolitical boundaries. This might be a good reason to travel.