#i am kind. i am special. i am important. [mantra]

[sunlightera]

if all goes right i should be able to start T soon so like!! im really excited about that actually. to think that it could really happen for me in the next few months is whats really getting me through my long days at work. im gonna go to the gym today too (ive been lapsing lately because i was sick and then bleeding and then just. demotivated) and get myself back on track !! i just know my f/os are so proud of me

[swirlygigg]

hi swirly!! i was planning on making files and also engaging in irl hypnokink both as a dom and a sub-- i was wondering if you have any guides for it?

hi anon! i will tell you, i don't have quite so much experience with irl stuff as i do online, but i will try to talk about it a little!

first, as far as hypnosis safety, i highly recommend you reading @misscammiedawn's thoughts about hypnosis. she always makes really comprehensive posts about hypnosis and i think many of her points and emphasis on safeties in hypnosis are excellent--she is particularly well-versed in talking about safety in regards to mental health too which i think is important.

i also really love @h-sleepingirl, whose guides on hypnosis also emphasize safety in a way that is practical and useful! honestly, their work and especially their site is super useful for anyone trying to get into hypnokink!

lastly, as far as files, my gold standard has always been @secret-subject! not only are secret's files very engaging, they're always very thorough in their content descriptions and have a real focus on safety too.

as far as my own work... i mean, i love making files, and typically when you're making a file, you're usually in a dom mindset! i think the main guiding thoughts i have had are to focus on a few things.

what is the roadmap of your file? unlike with irl hypnosis, the file sort of needs to know exactly where it's going, so it's good to have an idea and to sketch out what kind of trance, effect(s), and wakener you make for your listener! that also lets you make a comprehensive description so people know whether they want to engage or not.

what kind of hypnosis techniques are you employing? mixing techniques is fun, but can make for confusing trances, so i like to choose maybe 3 techniques maximum for a short file. usually it's easiest to do nice long inductions followed by fractionation, then whatever creative technique you like best! i like mantras so that's usually what i do as my third thing. then i like to choose a standard wakener for the end... or sometimes i don't put one at all, but you should put that in your description so people can choose to set an alarm or other wakener of their choice after!

how do you want your listener to feel before, during, and after? obviously some people like to install obedience triggers, but i find those like playing with fire--and i am a little bit of a pyrophobe. i love pleasure and obedience, but some people want to play with fear or pain, which is cool as long as you're practicing Risk Aware Consensual Kink! on a personal note, since you are coming from a dom mindset generally, i believe you should also think about whether someone listening might need reassurance or special attention after, and if you can provide that with your words, it's better to put it rather than omit it. after all, if your listener wants to sit in those feelings, they can always stop the file before the aftercare portion--this is why i think having a comprehensive description matters!

gosh this is a long post already, but to talk about irl stuff...

obviously i started off talking about safety because hypnosis can be quite a lot! there is a lot of trust that you are putting with another person, whether you dom or sub. like with any kink, vet people! talk among a community or with other people who play in the space to get a feel for who you are around. know what you want when you are looking for an experience (even if what you want is to experiment!) and always make sure that no matter what side of hypnosis you're on, that you negotiate! i believe it's important to ensure that people involved can stop the scene, even if they are in trance.

as you play with people in real life, don't be discouraged if you don't easily drop or if you struggle to drop someone! like many kinks, it takes practice to look as effortless as the hottest fantasies you have. if you find people who are willing to play, you will probably develop a closer bond and trust that will make it easier to drop/be dropped over time.

i have more to say, but it's late--anon (and others who read this), feel free to drop another ask if there are specifics! i will answer to the best of my ability o7

[thatmcgwords]

Failure will never overtake you if your determination to succeed is strong enough. ~ Og Mandino

One of the greatest pieces of business advice is to know when to sacrifice something and when not to.

The actions you take even outside your business plan might go a long way to convince anyone that you are capable of being successful. ~ Og Mandino

“The first five scrolls read by Hafid show the importance of time and the value of belief. It explains why you must always make the best of the time you have and value yourself in all aspects of your life.

The first five scrolls are: “Today I begin a new life.”

This scroll tells the beauty of starting anew. It suggests a total reevaluation of your past and present, and how you want it to affect your future. Create a roadmap for yourself and apply it to achieve the goals you set for yourself, including sales goals.”

You must leave the past behind you and look towards the future. It’s never too late to start planning for a better future. ~ Og Mandino

Your primary focus should be on achieving your goals and following the plans laid before you. You must also enforce good habits in your life by constantly practicing on being a better person.

“I will greet this day with love in my heart.”

This scroll contains the key to success in sales and other aspects of your life. Wake up every day with love in your heart and happiness in your soul. Eliminate hate from your mind and treat everyone with respect. Let happiness lead each day you live and embrace the concept of love in all areas of your life. Avoid discrimination of any kind and make sure your heart is open and pure towards everyone.

Let your heart be the light that guides your day and the experience that guides your night. See any bad situation as an experience, and you’ll find it very easy to overcome any obstacle. ~ Og Mandino

“I will persist until I succeed.”

This scroll talks about the things you want in life. It explains that the success you seek will come at the end of your efforts, not at the beginning. Patience is a virtue that must be adopted by every salesman. A great salesman is never interested in quitting because he’s not scared to fail.

Failure is a stepping stone; you must see every situation as a unique experience. ~ Og Mandino

Take things one step at a time and celebrate your achievements no matter how small.

“I am nature’s greatest miracle.”

This scroll explains that you are special and unique in your way. It teaches you to be proud of who you are instead of feeling inferior about yourself. Don’t be scared to show yourself to the world. You’re a miracle that nature is lucky to have. See yourself as the world’s greatest salesman, and let nobody tell you otherwise.

You’re responsible for the level of confidence you exude. Never cower in fear because you’re extraordinary. ~ Og Mandino

“I will live this day as if it is my last.”

The scroll marked V teaches the importance of time. Start whatever you want to do today because time won’t wait for you. Don’t waste your time dwelling on the past because it’s only going to slow you down.

Time is a priceless gift, and you must utilize every minute you have. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, which is why you need to use your today very well. ~ Og Mandino

Today I will be master of my emotions.”

Your emotions determine how you approach a new day. Your mood determines how happy or unhappy you are — that’s why you must learn to control your emotions. To control your emotions, however, you need to master them. Learn what triggers your mood and learn to control how you react. You can develop mantras like: “If I feel depressed, I will sing.” “If I feel sad, I will laugh.” “If I feel complacent, I will remember my competition.”

Never let your emotions control the better part of you because your emotions can make or break you.

“I will laugh at the world.”

Don’t take life too seriously by thinking about the problems you have. If you can’t do anything about a situation, it’s best not to worry about it. ~ Og Mandino

Your problems won’t last forever as long as you’re determined. Keep a healthy mind, have fun, and enjoy your life as you work towards success.

“Today I will multiply my value a hundredfold.”

You have limitless potential, and the sky is only the starting point if you’re dedicated towards your sales. Spread your tentacles all over the world and add value to yourself and your sales. Let people know that what you offer is of premium quality and content. This is not to say you should be proud — be humble and see everyone as someone with value.

“I will act now.”

Avoid procrastination and act now. Don’t defer your dreams by being inactive.

Having a plan is not enough: You must take action to act out the plan lest you waste your time. ~ Og Mandino

Seize upon the moment and make the best use of it. Your life is a reflection of your actions or inaction. Don’t waste precious time sitting idle without acting out your plans.

“I will pray for guidance.”

Above all, never forget to pray. Praying is an act of piety that you must embrace, whether you’re religious or not. It doesn’t matter what you believe in; praying is essential for guidance. Pray for guidance and added knowledge. Find peace in the words you say and call on God at all times.

Make the best use of every situation you find yourself. Being a great salesman is possible as long as you are committed to achieving your goals. ~ Og Mandino

There’s no limit to what you can achieve as long as you exhibit confidence and convince people through your actions that you’re capable of becoming the best. ~ Og Mandino

Never feel shame for trying and failing for he who has never failed is he who has never tried. ~ Og Mandino

Selling ideas or beliefs to people requires several principles that must not be ignored. The world’s greatest people know these principles, and they follow it very well. They know that the first step to being a successful salesman is to know what it takes to sell.

Being a great salesman requires a lot of commitment, and unless you are determined enough, you can’t be the world’s greatest salesman.

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve failed; you must always get back up and push forward. A great salesman knows that failure is nothing but a pathway to success. A great salesman also knows that perseverance is the key to prosperity.

Og Mandino has used very popular stories in the Bible to illustrate the importance of patience, time, determination and selflessness.

This summary teaches morals and values that are essential to the growth of man and his environment, as well as the importance of spirituality and belief to the society.

Try this:

Read the content of each scroll at least twice a day for a period of ten days. Put the content into practice and reward yourself consistently when you successfully apply the content to your daily life.

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[charmedreincarnation]

Hey Charmed!! I want to manifest someone completely knew, like someone from my imagination but I’m not sure how I’d manifest that. Like what affs would I even use? (I love using affs lol) but I’m not sure how I would create him yk?

To start off with, the main key to manifesting someone from your imagination is to really get clear on what that person is like. What qualities do they have? What do they look like? What kind of energy do they bring? Spend some time really getting clear on what this person looks like, acts like and how they make you feel when you think of them.

Once you’re clear on this, create an affirmation or mantra that encapsulates the person you want to manifest. You can make it as long or as short as you like; just make sure it speaks to your soul and makes you feel excited. Affirmations are powerful tools when used correctly and can help you to bring in the exact energy you desire.

When creating your affirmation, it’s important to use present tense language and to believe in what you’re saying. So for example, if you want to manifest a partner who loves you unconditionally, a good affirmation could be, “I am open and receptive to unconditional love from my perfect partner”. See how that shifts your energy instantly? But go with whatever resonates more with you :)! I’m not you so I can’t tell you what your desired affirmations are.

After you have your affirmation written, it’s time to practise using it. You can use it during meditation, in your daily routine, or whenever you feel the need to manifest something special. Make sure you repeat it often, with feeling, and really focus on the words you’re saying. If you fill yourself with positive energy and stay focused on your intention, you can manifest anything you desire.

Remember, manifestation is all about feeling. When your affirmations make you feel excited and passionate about what you’re creating, that’s when they will become reality. So get clear on who you want to manifest, create an empowering affirmation and practice using it every day. With a your strong desire and a tiny bit of patience , that perfect person from your imagination will be in your life.

Good luck on your manifestation journey babe !!

[invisiblegarters]

The End of the World With You Ep 7

Here we are at the penultimate episode. Are you excited? I’m excited. Somehow this show and Bed Friend are my favorite things currently airing.

Man Ritsu is really reflecting on his choices, huh? Have to say that I didn’t expect it, and I do sort of wonder how long he’s been doing so. Presence of the death pill makes me think longer than the world has been ending. 

Ooh some Ritsu backstory! I wonder if it’ll make me feel more sympathy for him. I’m sure that’s the intention. 

Oh my gosh. Why are parents so awful lately in these dramas? Like who tells their child that they can’t go to the best uni in Japan just because the legitimate kid didn’t get in? Good lord. Parents really do need to stop taking their own screw ups out on their kids. I don’t like Ritsu much, but it’s not actually his fault that his dad cheated on his wife with his mom. Like. Ugh. That little look towards his mom kinda hurt me a bit. No help there, buddy. 

In a way I can see why Ritsu’s life mantra is what it is. Pretty much everyone in his life seems to live that way, after all. But

Ah, so Masumi was special. As special as I guess anyone can be to Ritsu. And ooh, nice to see him acknowledging finally exactly what he did to cause the breakup. I’m like a broken record, but there’s nothing wrong with being unable or unwilling to commit to one person so long as everyone is aware and understand / agrees with the situation. But Ritsu knew that Masumi was the one person type. He knew, and so he selfishly tried to have his cake and eat it. Now, Masumi made a lot of assumptions (never ever believe that a player has or will change for you. it’s a sure way to find yourself heartbroken) but Ritsu knew he was making them and let him keep on because he knew that if Masumi ever found out that he was still sleeping with whoever it would be the end. 

And I definitely don’t blame their old friend for telling him to keep the hell away when Ritsu made noises about contacting Masumi again. It was a messy break up and a wound that never quite healed over for Masumi, I would say the same if I were his friend. Sometimes you don’t get do overs (unless, I guess, the world is going to end in a matter of days. That would kind of make a lot of things seem less important overall).

That said, I think it’s pretty obvious that Ritsu is depressed and has convinced himself that this is just one more reason he’s the devil incarnate or something. Like there’s something fundamentally broken inside of him. 

I disagree with that line of thought. Oh boy do I. 

I’m also wholly unsurprised that the first thing Ritsu does after being confronted with his worst failures is go straight for the death pill. Yeah he’s only got to live with himself for what? Two, three more days? but I can see how that might seem like forever when all you can think about is what a shit person you are and how you hurt everyone around you. Ritsu’s been flirting with that pill for a long time.

Ritsu in a nutshell: makes a selfish decision, regrets it, makes an even more selfish decision. My dude.

Masumi’s breakdown upon finding him trying to do the thing finally was really well done. 

Turn a blind eye all you like Masumi but maybe get that other pill away from Ritsu just in case eh?

Aw, I’m really glad that Masumi told Ritsu he’s grateful for being dragged out of his inertia. Although my goodness The guy’s been beating himself up about it so much that even I feel a little for him, ha. I’m also grateful that the corpse disposal wasn’t needed after all. That might have put a damper on Masumi’s new ten day lease on life. 

I bet the cold water feels really good on his hurt ankle, too.

Not entirely sure I am buying into the romance, I have to say, but this drama is so rich in other ways that I’m not even bothered. In a very big way it’s not even really about the romance, anyway. 

I will be sad when it ends. And not just because I don’t really believe it’s going to end happily. 

Damn, I love this drama. 

[mahayanapilgrim]

Connection to the mahasiddhas

In connection with the Empowerment of the 84 mahasiddhas - practitioners in ancient India who through the methods of the Diamond Way in one lifetime had reached the highest fruit - Lopön Tsechu spoke of forms of Dharma practise which would be suitable in our time and society: the lay- and the practitioner-way.

Lopön Tsechu has been the prime teacher of Lama Ole and Hannah since the 60's - even before they met the 16th Karmapa and furthered their personal development as well as the Kagyü Dharma in the West.

Almost all the 84 mahasiddhas reached Realisation already before their death. The reason that they were able to reach Enlightenment in just one lifetime was that they used the special methods of the mantra-vehicle - the VajraYana - and because they kept a strong connection with their teacher. This tie between a realised teacher and his completely open and dedicated students is a condition, which makes fast results on the way possible.

An example, which perhaps many of you know, is that of the mahasiddha Naropa. He was an important scholar at the Buddhist University Nalanda of those days and he was very well versed in all the teachings of the Buddha. In those days it was customary that non-Buddhists arrived at the four gates to the institute to challenge the gatekeepers with their viewpoints, and great debates were held. The winner of the discussion became the teacher of the adversary and the teacher of his students. Therefore it was necessary that these gatekeepers had an extensive, deep, and thorough knowledge of the Buddhist views and were able to present these logically and precisely. Naropa for many years was such a gatekeeper at the northern gate of Nalanda.

At a certain point [in time) Naropa left the University to search for Tilopa. In a vision he had realized that this one was his teacher, and that he had to meet him in order to complete his practice. The strong connection between Naropa and Tilopa is an example of the fast result, which is possible through this kind of connection. It was because of this connection between teacher and student that Naropa was able to remove the veils from his mind so effectively that one day, when Tilopa struck him with his shoe, this became the outer condition for the removal of the last conceptualizing veil from his mind; and Naropa could reach Enlightenment.

Generally it is the traditionally recommended way for a Buddhist practitioner to first take Refuge in the Three Jewels - Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha - and in this way start out on the Buddhist road. The next step is to take the outer vows of discipline and exhibit a pure behavior - namely not to harm any living beings and first and foremost concentrate on one's own Dharma-practise. Thereafter one takes the inner Bodhisattva vows and commits to reach Enlightenment in order to help free all beings from the sufferings of conditioned existence. Finally one reaches the level where one can practice the VajraYana practice. Today, we are living in the so-called "dark age" in which the living conditions are difficult all over the World. And the Buddhist teachings are unknown in many parts of the World, so that many people are not born into a Buddhist way of life. In the present day conditions of the Western societies the way of the "realisers" (Yogi) very suitable. This does not mean that there was something wrong with the traditional way of ordination, but only that this is not a necessity, and that for many people it is much more convenient to practise without the rules and regulations of the outer vows of ordination.

Almost all the 84 mahasiddhas followed the layman-way, only a few of them were monks and nuns. Nowadays the layman-way is a natural and beneficial way for many people. I am therefore of the opinion that Lama Ole with his way of approach is able to really benefit a great number of beings. This is the purpose of the teachings. They must touch us, change our state of mind, and let us understand that cause and effect do work, and thus change our lives in a positive way. Lama Ole's work does exactly that. Not only does he benefit many beings by teaching them the great VajraYana practise of the Phowa; he also constantly approaches many beings and benefits them by actually changing their lives in a positive way. I support and value his activity in every way.

Translation from Tibetan into English by Hannah Nydahl;

Translation into German by the editors.

From "Kagyü Life" Nr. 24, 9th year, (January 1998)

[nighlok]

Virtual Sketchbook 1

1.) Hello, my name is Sammy. My little fact about me is overworking myself and overthinking things (too much). I'm usually a quiet person but it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm very sorry for my sudden addition to this classroom, and my inability to contact the teacher earlier.

For my assignment, I decided to use Hokusai's 'The Great Waves off Kanagawa' (1823-1829)

Hokusai (1760-1849) was 60 years old when he created his most famous print. (Source 2) This artwork was produced in the 19th century (ex. January 1,1801 - December 31,1900). "The Great Wave off Kanagawa" is regarded as one of the most iconic pieces of Japanese art history. (Source 1) 'The Great Wave off Kanagawa' was painted in 'Kanagawa-juku' ('juku' means relay station in Japanese), at one of the inns on the Eastern Sea Route, called the 'Tokaido' or the 'Tokaido Highway.' (Source 1) 'Tokaido', meaning 'near to the coast', was a very important route during the Edo period (1603-1868 AD) (Source 1) When I first saw Hokusai's "The Great Wave Off Kanagawa", I thought it as an old tapestry, a spiteful and threating piece of history, an example of how the sea can be both angry and sad. That it was an omen for misfortunate sailors and travelers alike. On the closer inspection, however, I began to see it in a very different light. The duality of conflict and tranquility between the destruction wrought by the incessant violent waves, the disintegrating ships to the weariness of the sailors, and the power of the open sea in comparison to the calm serenity of the golden sky, gives it a kind of mantra of heaven and earth.

Source 1: The Great Wave Off Kanagawa: 5 Little Known Facts About Hokusai's Masterpiece. Edited by Lou Mo, TheCollector.com, 25 Aug. 2021, www.thecollector.com/the-great-wave-off-kanagawa/Links to an external site.. Accessed 1 July 2023.

Source 2:

The Great Wave off Kanagawa: 20 Fascinating Facts about the Famous Japanese Print. SurferToday.com, www.surfertoday.com/surfing/the-great-wave-off-kanagawa-fascinating-facts-about-the-famous-japanese-printLinks to an external site.. Accessed 1 July 2023.

2.) I made this Valentine's Day project with my mom when I was in elementary school. For me, this piece symbolizes the special bond between me and my mom, because I remember her always helping me with my projects when I was a little boy.

It was a big heart-shaped decorative bag. We would sit together for hours, cutting out shapes, doing arts and crafts together, collecting candy and cards on Valentine's Day.

It was embarrassing to carry it (as a boy), but many people thought it was cute, (plus it was full of candy), which made the project even more enjoyable.

I think this Valentine's Day project was one of the first moments when we connected creatively. I felt it was an important part of my mom's life, because it represented that period of my life.

3.) The 'burden' I bring with me when I look at artworks is that I am too absorbed in it. I am very careful with others. I have a knack for reading people's minds and predicting their behavior, but this sense of insecurity and shyness makes it difficult for me to get close to new people. This makes it difficult and frustrating to develop meaningful relationships.

I am 20-year-old Male. Both of my parents are from Haiti, so I would be Black/African American. I was born in Broward County, Florida. I currently live in North Port. For fun, I love crafting and designing are something I'm interested in, and I think they would make a great future career for me. In particular, I love practicing soccer, reading, gaming, watching cartoons and anime, and martial arts. Another quirk is that I love music and singing (although I'm shy about this passion and usually keep it a secret). What makes me unique might me my passion for art itself, I always had it rough and believed that nothing was perfect. Which is why I always found it amazing that I could create something out of nothing, that I could turn something that seemed like trash into a treasure. It is about being someone who can do things on their own and master most of the arts.

4.) My Collage

[novachroni-and-cheese]

Black clover characters and what they do when their s/o on their period. Part 1

Warnings: None

Gordon

- Literally the best person to have with you on your period.

- He’ll bring you all the soft stuffed animals and heating pads you could ever possibly want

- The most important thing to understand about being taken care of by Gordon is that he will vanish at random times and not tell you he has left.

- Often times when he leaves it’s usually to go and buy you snacks or get more hygiene supplies for you

- He’ll braid his s/o’s hair for them

- If s/o suffers from particularly bad cramps he will use his curse magic to try and lessen the effects, kinda like what he does for henry and his curse

- Gordon will know exactly what you need when you need it and will always be right on time to give it to you, he’ll take notes on your behaviors during your cycle and use the knowledge he gains to better prepare for next month.

- Lots of cuddles and kisses when in private, he’s still too shy to be affectionate in public but when alone he’ll make a special effort to show you a little extra love.

Leopold

- Does not know literally anything. Someone help this boy, please.

- Gets upset when you complain about cramps and being bloated since he doesn’t really get it and wants to help.

- After a couple months, he eventually just has a sit down conversation with Mereoleona about periods.

- With new understanding in tow, prepare to be absolutely spoiled by this boy!

- You need pads? What size pussy you wear? You need tampons? Regular, heavy, or ultra? You want snackies? You’re gonna have food for days, bro, anything you want.

- He just wants to make sure you’re feeling your best even during this stressful time.

- If anyone tries to make fun of him for buying sanitary products, he just fires it right back at them.

- “What? You aren’t man enough to care for your s/o when they’re on their period? You guys must be sucky boyfriends!”

Luck

- Is constantly asking to fight you and is confused when you refuse. You usually love sparring with him.

- “Fight me, y/n!” is only ever met with “Not right now.”

- Eventually, you’re tired of his persistence and snap at him. “I am on my period, Luck! For Christ’s sake, not now!!”

- Oh.

- Well, now he’s being super careful with you, treating you like royalty.

- He’s also being defensive of you, more so than usual.

- He never tells anyone that you’re on your period. He knows that’s sensitive information to you, but he will be there at, basically, your beck and call until you’re done for the month.

- When you’re finally off your period though? “Fight me, y/n!”

Magna

- Knows when you’re about to start your period cause he can tell when you’re PMSing.

- He never jokes about it though. No “Is it that time of the month?” whenever you’re mad at him, and no shaming when it is that time of the month.

- It just isn’t manly to degrade your s/o!

- Gets real uppity when other guys pull that kind of stuff or when they openly admit they don’t buy sanitary products for their significant others.

- “A real man takes care of the people he loves!” is now his mantra.

- Heats up water bottles for you when you have cramps.

- Magna is the kind of guy who would try and bake desserts for you while on your period, albeit he fails miserably and they taste god awful but he really tries to go the extra mile for you.

Asta

- He is literally so clueless on what to do, he knew something happened to women once a month but he didn’t realize that something was BLEEDING FOR A WEEK+

- He’s incredibly gentle with his s/o, taking the time to pamper them and make sure they're ok, at first he treats it like they have the flu. With more experience and time though he realizes that his s/o can function fine still they just need a little extra attention and care.

- He talks to Finral and Vanessa for advice since Finral is the resident ladies man and Vanessa is a woman who will tell it to you straight, they teach him how to care for you and what things to bring.

- He is not ashamed at all to buy tampons and pads, he will walk into the store screaming “QUICK WHERE ARE YOUR TAMPONS” and have no regrets.

- Asta will cut time out of his daily workout and training to take care of his s/o which is incredible because he almost never skips his workout.

- He will also cuddle you and put up with mood swings and anything else you might throw at him. He will never give up on his s/o.

[tothemeadow]

Art trade with @azurenocturne​

Art originally done by @ Lsjenjen on twitter

Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader

- Kyojuro decides to take your relationship to the next level while teaching you how utterly amazing you are, no matter what anyone else says. -

warnings: NSFW, oral sex, mentions of emotional abuse, Douma is kind of a dickhead

words: 2k

-

“You’re doing it again.”

Snapping away from your reverie, you nearly drop your phone as you fumble around, embarrassment heating up your insides. You hadn’t even realized you were spacing out again. Still, Douma cracks a smile. You tense as he reaches over the table, the rings adorning his fingers catching the afternoon light streaming in through the windows. He merely pats the crown of your head with a gentle touch; you know that this is all for show since the two of you are in public. While Douma has never struck you during the course of your relationship, he isn’t gentle either.

“Stupid girl,” he mutters. “There isn’t anything that important in your life to distract you this much.”

Ah, there it is.

You’re used to the biting words, the snarky comments, the endless insults. On some days, it’s like his sole mission in life is to yell at you constantly, but what can you do about it? It is your fault, after all. Maybe if you had your head on straight or weren’t so sensitive, things could be better for you in life.

You swallow dryly. The plate of half-eaten food sitting in front of you doesn’t even look appetizing anymore. “I’ve got exams coming up, you know that,” you tell him, voice low. You know better than to talk back to him, especially when you’re in public like this.

With a scoff, Douma leans back in his seat. It’s unfair that he’s still unbelievably attractive even when irritated; strong jaw set, eyes heavy lidded, and birch hair pulled up high, he looks like he’s ready to set foot out on the runway rather than be sitting here on a lunch date with you. The houndstooth material of his jacket ruffles as he crosses his arms. He’s just so pretty, incredibly so, and you’d be damned if you said you couldn’t bear to stare at him all day.

“Well, you’re with me,” he spits. “Exams be damned.”

“Douma, you know I can’t fail these courses if I want to graduate-“

“I don’t care,” Douma interrupts. “Christ, all I did was ask you out to lunch, and all you do is think about it your classes? What am I, chopped liver?”

“No,” you say frantically, “of course not. I’m sorry. Please… Please don’t be mad.”

Douma sighs. His expression softens, then; getting up from his chair, he opts to take the spot next to you instead. “I know you’re sorry, my little cherub. You know all I want to do is to be stuck in that pretty little head of yours, right?” With a gentle hum, he slings an arm around your shoulder and nuzzles the top of your head. “You’ll be a good girl for me, won’t you?”

It’s those simple words that makes your tummy flutter and the ice around your heart to melt. This is why you love Douma, after all. Sure, he can be mean sometimes, but he means well.

A smile blossoms across your face as you lean into his warmth. “I promise.”

-

When it comes to playing life, you always act the fool.

Words are cheap, enough said. It just so happens that Douma’s are practically dirt.

Although he knows you’re sorry about focusing on your studies lately, it’s almost if he never drops the subject. He has a point though – he is your boyfriend, after all. It’s just your fault that you have the improper abilities of juggling your love life and schooling at the same time. It’s when he’s attending his own classes that you’re finally able to breathe, even though you feel guilty about thinking that way in the first place.

You still can’t shake off the guilt as you venture through the school’s library, browsing for books your professor recommended for you to better understand the material. It’s a slow process, your eyes scanning over each of the exposed spines. “No… no… no… “ you say to yourself, the quiet mantra continuing on while your search comes up with nothing. “Dammit, why can’t I – ah!”

Before you know it, your body is colliding into someone else’s; as you’re about to take an inevitable tumble and land on your ass, a strong hand grasps onto your forearm while another lands on the small of your back.

“Whoa there! Sorry about that!” a deep, attention-getting voice whisper-yells.

As you open your eyes (you didn’t even realize you closed them to begin with), your met with a boy around your age, eyes bright and blond hair held back with a backwards ballcap. As he flashes you a cheeky smile, you’re struck by how white his teeth are compared to his golden skin, the sharp line of his jaw. Your heart thuds in your chest, and for good reason, too – this man is hot.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” this stranger continues. He pulls you upright, making sure you’re properly balanced before giving you a onceover to check for any bruises.

“I’m alright, thank you,” you say awkwardly. It’s incredible how quickly your body heats up under his gaze despite literally just bumping into the guy. “I wasn’t paying attention anyway, it’s all my fault-“

“Hey,” he interrupts, his eyes crinkling even further, “I wasn’t paying attention either. Don’t take all the blame for yourself, eh?” He sticks out a hand, then, the prominent veins in his forearm and hand instantly catching your attention. “Rengoku Kyojuro, at your service. You can just call me Kyojuro, though.”

Kyojuro.

The name rolls around your brain like a loose bolt. You wonder how it tastes on your tongue, how your lips feel when you say it. “Kyojuro,” you say, testing it out. You immediately decide you like it. Grasping onto his hand, you introduce yourself, an easy smile making its way onto your features before you even realize it. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Right back at ya,” he chirps.

His hand is large and warm. In fact, heat seems to radiate off his body, tempting you to lean in and hold him close.

“Say,” Kyojuro says, a hopeful glint shining in his eyes, “do you want to grab a coffee or something?”

Your heart nearly gets stuck in your throat. For a moment, you think of Douma and what he would he say if he found out about you grabbing coffee with some other guy. However, Kyojuro just seems so nice and, well, perfect.

“Yeah,” you tell him, “I’d love to.”

-

After that fateful meeting, things started to change.

During the free moments you had, you would meet up with Kyojuro, either to go out to eat or simply have a study session together. You quickly found yourself thoroughly enjoying his company, and all for the right reasons. Despite his excitable, bold behavior, he was kind, more so than most people you know. You craved to be in his presence, to have his pearly smile directed at you. Hell, even the thought of him made your heart throb.

Of course, it didn’t take long for Douma to start noticing your “odd” behavior. You acted distant whenever the two of you were together, so much more… closed. What really got him, though, was when he confronted you about it. I found someone else, you had told him, face and voice equally solemn. This is the end of us. Even you were shocked by the mere fact that you had dumped him; after all this time, you were finally free of his cruel words and the endless pain.

“You’re doing it again, sweetie.”

Just like that, you’re snapping back to reality and away from your thoughts. “Sorry,” you mutter, “I was just thinking of… things.”

Even after a few months of ditching Douma for Kyojuro, you still find yourself spacing out. Kneeling on the bed like this, your hand hangs in the air, absentmindedly holding a brush while the other is still holding onto Kyojuro’s blond locks. Turning around fully, Kyojuro’s thick brows furry together as a glint of worry sparks in his eyes. “Hey, hey, look at me,” he urges, taking your face into his hands. “I am not Douma. I’ll never be like him, you got it?” Gently stroking your cheek, he flashes you a soft smile. “I couldn’t bear to put you in pain like that, my sweets. You’re too special for anything like that.”

Oh god, he’s so gentle, so freaking sweet that you’ll get a toothache. As cheesy as it sounds, your heart yearns for him, for his promises, and for his loving touches. You don’t think you’ve ever met someone like this in your life.

“So please,” Kyojuro continues, gaze dropping to your mouth, “trust me.”

And you do. For the love of everything high and mighty, you trust this guy with your entire being. The kiss you two share starts off slow, yet it’s so full of unspoken feeling that it makes your heart soar. You can’t deny the fact that his hands feel good as they trail lower, brushing over your neck and shoulders before settling on your waist. Hell, you love it when he presses you onto your back, his weight hovering over you protectively. Like this, Douma can’t hurt you. Douma can’t even get near you, not when Kyojuro is around, not when he’s treating you this softly.

It didn’t take very long for you to confide in Kyojuro about how your relationship with Douma went. Appalled by Douma’s so-called methods, Kyojuro promised to treat you like the queen you are because you deserve it.

Even as you quake, Kyojuro holds you steady. And he’s always so warm, so wonderfully warm as he rids you of your shirt before following suit. Your fingers drift over the swell of his pectorals, the divots of his abs. Now, things have escalated between you two before, but nothing to this extent. The last person you slept with was Douma, and even then he would degrade you and make you feel like utter trash. But no, not with Kyojuro. Never with Kyojuro.

“You’re gorgeous,” he mutters, mouth slanting over your neck and down your chest. Your heart quickens as mouths your breasts, hands slipping around and unhooking your bra. “And you’re so soft and sweet…” Trailing off, he lifts himself back up, his eyes meeting yours. “You’re perfect, (y/n). I’ll be damned if anybody tells you differently.”

Heart leaping to your throat, you sling your arms around his broad shoulders and pull him back into a kiss. You refuse to let yourself shed any tears, but you can’t deny the dampness gathering in your eyes.

“Pretty girl,” Kyojuro says, mouth beginning its descent once more. This time, he carries on past your chest, lips brushing against your tummy as he carefully removes your pants. Your fingers comb through his hair as little gasps slip through your lips; nuzzling you through your panties, he openly gropes your thighs and ass, deep, rumbling moans vibrating in his chest.

“Kyojuro,” you breathe, back arching as he yanks down your panties and presses his mouth against your quivering pussy. His movements remain slow, but the deep stroke of his tongue inside your pussy or the strong suckling on your clit has you seeing stars. His bright eyes never leave your face, a lustful yet loving expression carved into his handsome features. A slight yank on his hair has him redoubling his efforts; easily bending your thighs to your chest, he works at your pussy vigorously, the lewd noises and his husky groans filling your ears.

“So fucking perfect,” he mutters, thick fingers slipping past your folds. You keen at the touch, your velvety walls fluttering around his digits. “You’re wonderful, my sweets,” he coos, pressing his mouth to the inside of your knee in a quick kiss. “I love you.”

“Kyojuro, please,” you pant. The tears building up in your eyes finally break free as you reach out towards him. “Make love to me… won’t you?”

Drawing away from your dripping pussy, Kyojuro hovers over you, a dazzling grin painted on his face. “Are you sure about that?”

You nod frantically. “Yes. I… I trust you, my love.”

Hearing the pet name tumble from your mouth has Kyojuro’s eyes crinkling. “Anything for you, sweetie,” he purrs, reaching down and undoing his pants. “Everything for you.”

[datawyrms]

snap

It is The Day I post my Invisobang fic! it was a wild ride to write everything and not post. This is actually the second fic I did, as the first fell into my pit of ‘i hate it now’ and will sit in limbo for the rest of eternity. I teamed up with Spirit ( @ghostportals ), who has done some accompanying art! That, and Red @redead-red saved my bacon by doing some betaing last moment, so tell em they’re great too. Hope you’re all enjoying the flood of finished fics and art this week! Only the first chapter is here, the rest is posted on my Ao3 and complete. hope you enjoy!

One careless fall changed Danny's life forever. He was kind of hoping one fall like that was enough for any lifetime. Clearly fate disagreed.

It's fine though! He's got this. He's fine. He can totally explain why he ran off with his own body to mom and dad.

The stairs had always been a little too steep, a titch too narrow, but he was used to them. Jazz worried too much- the whole Fenton family knew how to take them two steps at a time. He wasn’t going to admit she might have a point just because he’d slipped one time. He wished there was a railing to catch himself with- it would have spared him some of the pain of his head knocking on the stair.

It didn’t hurt that much. Plenty of ghosts hit harder, and far more frequently.

“Took a bit of a spill eh, Danno?”

Great, dad saw him slip like he was three again. He wanted to speak, wave his behemoth of a father off before he got tangled up in some long lecture about whatever they were working on down here. Just had to sit up.

He was a little stunned or something. All those late nights made his limbs rebel when he wanted them to hurry up. Come on, before he tries to help and accidentally shaves his hair off with some anti-ghost stepladder or something.

His arms stubbornly rejected his internal horror story. His attempt to say ‘I’m fine’ was more a gurgle than anything. Way to go, Fenton. Do everything to get dad to worry! Really using those genius genes. Jazz probably stole his anyway, or they got fried in the accident. Come on! A bit of self berating should have him sitting bolt upright by now. Maybe his arm twitched. He felt something move, anyway. More like a muscle spasm.

“Danny? You okay?” The large man came closer, his usual jog slowed.

Of course he’s fine. He could see dad, sort of. He totally moved his eyes to see him better, even. Stupid ghost powers were just acting up.  It’s okay,  just give me a second to stand up. You’re worrying over nothing.

 Jack had already made it over, crouching to get a better look at his fallen son. Like he was trying to look smaller or something with how carefully he was moving. Where was all that slow, ginger movement when he was driving? Or trying to tell them about some new invention that might burn off your eyebrows?

 I’m fine, dad. He couldn’t get the words to come out, but he was just fine. He really didn’t like the strange look on his father’s face. After all, ‘Jack Fenton doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear’ or whatever random thing he felt like shouting when chasing after entities from another dimension. Come on dad, stop looking like that. It was creeping him out. Moving should be easy, a snap, but part of him didn’t feel like doing it. Apparently an important part? He could visualize exactly what to do, but he wasn’t sitting up. He swore he could feel his muscles clenching but not finishing the movement. Maybe they were testing something down here that just made all the ectoplasm hiding inside him take a nap. His ectoplasm was so fired after this.

 “Can you look at me kiddo?”

 Coaxing him. This was weird. Why wasn’t he just hauling him off the floor and laughing about how clumsy he was at his age too? Looking at him was easy. Pretty hard to miss him, with all the bright orange.

 “Maddie? Can you come over here?” His question was strangely stilted, not much of a bellow.

 Dad was going to get the wrong idea because his body didn’t want to cooperate. Great. Fantastic. He could feel the warmth in his chest, the sign his heart was still going. He was just fine, just a bit inconvenienced at the moment. Why couldn’t dad just be  dad  and do something dumb like pick him up with one hand while sounding way too excited about some new tool that he built?

 “What’s wrong?” His mom said, her footsteps doing the same thing dad’s had. Speed that suddenly cut down to almost nothing. “Danny, did you hit your head?”

 “I think he might have, he’s not responding. I didn’t want to try to move him-“

 “You did great Jack, it’s okay.”

 Gross. He hoped they didn’t get caught up in one of their lovey dovey circles while he was stuck trying to get his stupid legs to remember how to do things. He was responding! He groaned, and he definitely twitched a bit. Weren’t they paying attention? He tried again, a bit more forcefully and ignoring the pang in his neck. More of a jolt from someone with too much static cling than actual pain, really.

 “Should I call 911? He isn’t moving! He just stayed there- didn’t even act all tough for his old man!”

 Jack was panicking.  Dad was panicking. Over nothing! Why wasn’t mom distracting him with fudge or some random study? No one was being normal today. Danny shuddered, he knew he did, it went with the pulse under his skin.

 “That’d be great sweetie, just stay close.”

 “In case you need my big strong arms to help carry him, right?”

 “Just in case.” She wasn’t wearing the hood of her jumpsuit, at least.

 It didn’t make it more comfortable when she crouched down, biting her lip and staring at him. Like this was concerning. It was the opposite of that, he was a klutz, a gangly teenager, it was normal for him to be a bit banged up. This shouldn’t concern her, or anyone. The only reason it bugged him was the not being able to move right now nonsense.

 “You aware in there sweetie?” she said, rather loudly and clapping near his ear.

  Yes I am, but I can’t tell you. Maybe he could focus on taking a breath and it would kick off whatever turned off his mind to body connection. Had he done anything strange before coming down here? Not really. He could absolutely feel her digging her nails into his earlobe though, ow! More motivation to move, but something wasn’t getting across. Maybe he was getting a bit freaked out about it too. Only because of his parents being weird. He was fine, he had to be fine. It was nothing, less than nothing.

 “I’m just going to make sure he’s still breathing Jack, do you have anyone on the line yet?”

 A loud response, but not to her question. “No it’s not a ghost emergency! It’s a human emergency!”

 Of course he was breathing. He couldn’t look that bad from such a small fall. Just breathe out the words ‘Hey mom, personal space’ and they’d laugh and it’d be nothing. All this fussing was making his skin crawl but of course he had to have ‘special ghost freezing up’. Was it his ice powers? Like he could get his powers being snarky like that, appreciated it in a twisted sort of way- but it would be better around people who wouldn’t assume the worst? Like anyone else. Even Dash.

 “Tell the operator he isn’t breathing.” Maddie’s voice was cold and controlled, even as she went back to biting her lip right after.

 He was totally breathing. He could feel the air that ran in and out of his lungs, the swell and fall that other ghosts knew as a weak point, a way to slow him down. He knew what being doubled over, air shoved right out of him from a harsh blow felt like, how it felt like the portal again. Throat twitching, body heaving and trying to regain what it lost. The darkness that bit at the edges of his vision as every nerve went screaming  You’re Dying . Hated that feeling, shook the ghosts who did that hard once they were in a thermos. This was nothing like that.

 “He isn’t breathing, you need to hurry! My wife knows CPR- just tell them to hurry this is my  son , please”

 Yelling to hide the quaver in his voice. Like a kicked puppy yelping. It sounded so wrong. This was going to be so awkward after. They’d just...pretend this never happened, right? That’d be for the best. No, he was going to get grounded forever for some ‘dumb prank’, since he was fine and worried them so much. Which didn’t seem too bad if it stopped all of...this.

 He moved a little. A toe, he was pretty sure. More notably was his mother, carefully getting him off the uneven stair to be flat on his back. Trying to keep his head from moving, and she couldn’t see he was looking at her? When she was this close? Too busy trying to be calm. Who could be busy enough to think he wasn’t breathing or tracking with his eyes? Another twitch, another inward curse that he couldn’t get back in control.

 “Just hold on, help is coming.” She said, but the half ghost couldn’t tell who she meant, exactly. Him, dad or herself? Either way the quiet remark did not prepare him for the sheer force slammed into his crest. Like she wanted to slam right through him! Was it so much to ask that his parents stop nearly killing him by trying to help? Just try moving again and everything will be fine.

 He couldn’t keep the mental mantra up when he heard- when he felt his ribs crack from the pointless force. She was killing him, he didn’t need help breathing, he had to get it through to them no matter how much his body buzzed and resisted his need to move. He had to focus and push through it, ignoring how cold and wrong it felt, how it seemed like he was squirming free of something that didn’t want him to go.

 Her bone crushing assault stopped once he got his arm up, not even needing to touch her before she froze. The fear was wrong, out of place so he redoubled his efforts, twisting and struggling against himself, the sticky mass that wasn’t letting him act or speak to calm them down.

 The phone hit the floor. He heard it. So why didn’t dad say anything? Danny twisted, wanting to make sure he was okay. Still stuck. At least he had a hand free and most of an arm, the edges of his fingers tracing the tiles of the floor. He could brace himself that way, pushing down hard to try and jar his shoulder loose. He could hear air moving, like a harsh breath out. Good- breathing was good. Even when it sounded so harsh and low. 

 “Jack- are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Maddie moved back, giving him the space he wanted ever since she’d cracked his ribs. They still stung under his skin, hissing at him to keep his parents away before he managed to get even more injuries over something so silly.

 “I’m not sure what we’re seeing.” The phone remained on the floor.

 That didn’t seem right. He’d sat up, mostly. Half sat up, propped up with an arm. Still mostly stuck and uncomfortable, the snapping and crackling sensation still clinging to his free shoulder. Really, he felt worse than how he started. at least there wasn’t pain in ‘hah my body is playing freeze tag without me’ land. The pulling sensation made his head ache and vision swim to the point he wasn’t actually sure if he was still looking at the ceiling or not. He couldn’t go back to just being frozen though, that’d suck. So just convince the rest of himself to get up. No problem!

Were lies in his head always this unconvincing? It felt like yanking himself free of a too sticky slime, strands clinging and tugging back until they finally snapped, parts still stuck but free of the main mass. At least ectoplasm had the decency not to stretch when you got drenched in it most of the time.  Come on, focus and keep it together.  He let out a wheeze as the last stubborn strands snapped, ignoring how loud it sounded to properly reorient himself.

 Sitting up, properly, good! Parents staring with weird, half horrified expressions: bad. Very, very bad. 

“I’m okay, I just fell.” Danny spoke, he could speak properly again. So why? “Sorry for scaring you guys?” He tried again, trying to ignore the first thought across his mind.

 They kept staring. Maddie seemed to be recovering, shoulders starting to relax, but she seemed to be reaching for her belt.

 He didn’t sound right. No, that wasn’t quite right, he just sounded wrong for Danny  Fenton. Who he should be right now, he hadn’t been able to talk, let alone go ghost. This probably looked really, really bad. How had he switched, anyway?

Mom was reaching for a gun, wasn’t she? Crud. Now he regretted talking at all, how was he going to explain why Danny Phantom was treating two ghost hunters like his parents? Or how he managed to look like their kid. Maybe he could change back and convince them they were seeing things?

Yeah no, that was way too dumb.

 “Wait.” Jack rested a hand on his wife’s shoulder, causing her to stop pulling the weapon. He wasn’t looking at the ghost at all, just her. Maddie remained stiff, not able to ignore the glowing kid on her floor.

 Okay...dad was usually the gung ho one. Maybe he could get away with this? Danny tried to get a better grip on the situation. Felt a new pain, sharp and cold in his throat. Deep green scars clashed against his white gloves and ran all across his jumpsuit,  glow intensifying as the panic choked him into silence. Fresh and angry like back- back before he managed to stumble out of the portal when he died when the accident happened.

With his human arms just as scared below them, still against the tile. The damage looked old, half scabbed over with only a dull glow deep in the death marks wounds. His arms attached to the rest of his body- that he was half out of. 

 Why? How was his body still and silent while he was sitting and looking at it. He’s cold. His body is cold. It isn’t  breathing  there isn’t some other facet of his personality sitting behind the dull blue eyes. This isn’t how it works! If he splits, it’s just temporary, he can fix it but his other half- corpse is wrong.

The pulling and clinging at his legs doesn’t feel like slime anymore. Rotting flesh that wants to drag him back, smother him in a cloying warmth that will only remind him why it burned, how it hurt. He had to move, he couldn’t stay half like this, it would get better once it wasn’t like this.

It didn’t want to let go as he tried to pull away, ectoplasm getting snagged on every nerve and muscle fiber, each pause a reminder of the shock and pain of his end that day.

He knew he screamed when he pulled free and slammed into the wall, furious green scars still marring his jumpsuit where there should be none.

 What would Mom and Dad think?

 No no no no no. He spotted movement from them and acted. He couldn’t let his mom break his body more, or look at it too closely. Dad couldn’t see what happened! This was fine, he could fix this!

 He grabbed his corpse and fled through the wall.

[be11atrixthestrange]

Mischief Managed

TW: Smut 

*******

Mischief Managed

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

Hermione always valued law and order. She was Head Girl after all, it was her job to enforce the rules. She knew them well, she understood them, and she believed in their importance… most of the time.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

She resisted the appeal of rebellion for years, always staying in line and trying to keep her friends there too. But Ron must be rubbing off on her, because the allure was back, and she suddenly found comfort in the mantra of the Marauders Map.

I solemnly swear I am up to no good.

She paced quickly down the cobblestone streets of Diagon Alley, repeating the words that validated her choice to break school rules. The fact that the map only worked with the promise of mischief reassured her that sometimes rules were meant to be broken.

Hermione wasn't technically supposed to leave school grounds, but McGonagall granted her special permission this time. As far as McGonagall knew, she was visiting with her parents, who had returned from Australia for the week. Last time she got special permission to leave, she said she had to attend a funeral for a great-uncle. And the time before that, she was— allegedly— in her cousin's wedding. Hermione could only imagine the repercussions if McGonagall ever found out all of those had been shameless lies.

She reached her destination, and knocked loudly on the door. Her jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed when he approached. She probably looked like she was angry at him— Which would have been an easy mistake to make. For Hermione, anger and attraction had always been closely linked, and Ron was finally beginning to understand the differences between the expression she wore when she wanted to punch him, and the one she made when she wanted to shag him. There is something about a man that didn't back down from a screaming match— Ron was never afraid to stand up to her. He challenged her.

"Hello?" he asked when the door cracked open.

"Hello," she said, leaning against the door frame. "Fancy seeing you here."

He was smiling now. "We're closed."

She couldn't help but crack a grin upon seeing him smile. "I know."

"And," he continued, "we're not supposed to let customers in after hours."

Hermione shrugged playfully. "You've never been one for following rules."

With his signature lopsided smile, Ron opened the door to let her into Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. It was true— Ron had never been keen on rules, and it was one of the many ways he challenged her.

"I suppose you're here for a different kind of service, then?" he asked, eyebrows raised imploringly.

He placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her around so her back was to him. Then he gently slipped off her jacket to hang it up. Even though it was just a jacket, the effortless way he hooked his fingers into the collar and slid it down her arms made her shudder. It was the same easy way he would unhook her bra, or guide her knickers down her thighs. It seemed almost like he was ignoring another rule— one that said undressing someone should be a big deal.

The way he did it was entirely non-sexual, like he was simply opening a door, or pouring her a glass of wine. The casual manner in which he could take her clothes off drove her absolutely insane. Whether he was intentionally evading the eroticism of the act or not, all it did was inject sexual tension into every other mundane thing he did.

After he hung up her jacket, he placed his hand on her lower back to lead her to the lounge in the back room. That simple act made her mouth water.

There was an alcohol cabinet in the lounge, and the way he poured her a glass of red wine made her breath hitch.

And when he handed her the glass, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, all it was to Hermione was foreplay.

He could tease her by turning off a light, opening a drawer, or reading a book. It wasn't fair.

"So," he said, letting his hand linger for a moment behind her ear. "You must have missed me."

Hermione cleared her throat, trying to keep her expression neutral. "A little bit."

Thankfully, Ron removed his hand— if he had kept it there longer, it might have left a burn mark. He smiled that goofy grin, took a sip of wine, and interlaced his fingers with hers to guide her to a sofa in the corner of the room.

She winced— it was another broken rule— red wine on a white sofa. But she couldn't help but admire the way he expertly balanced his glass as he sank into the couch without so much as a drop spilled. She was about to sit next to him, but he placed a hand in front of her to stop her, and shook his head.

Hermione smiled— all while groaning internally— when he nodded toward his lap. She bit her lip, balanced the wine in her hand, and sat down facing him, one leg on either side of his.

His calm, nonchalant expression broke for a moment, and she could see a flash of desire in his eyes. It took just a few seconds for him to scan her body. His gaze lingered on her breasts, before moving to her thigh, where his hand was resting. He let his hand slide up her thigh, ever so minutely, so that his fingertips slipped underneath her skirt. Then, just as suddenly, his expression turned neutral again and he met her gaze.

His eye contact burned right through her, taunting her even more than his hand on her thigh. She quickly buried another sip of her wine.

"How's school?" he asked, inching his fingers further under the hem of her skirt. His expression was still frustratingly neutral.

"I hate not having you there." She reached a hand toward his face, gently brushing her fingers across the stubble of his chin. He was a little scruffier than she remembered, and she realized she had no idea what a few days unshaven would feel like against her neck, or her breast, or her inner thigh.

"Stressed?" he asked, pulling her out of her reverie. His fingers were slightly— she might have imagined it— stroking her thigh, but he maintained his curious gaze on her eyes.

Hermione nodded. "That's why I'm here," she said, letting her hand move from his stubble to his hair, which was longer and messier than the last time she saw him.

He removed his hand from under her skirt. She frowned, as the space on her thigh now felt cold and empty. It was only for a moment, to swiftly take her wine glass from her hand and place it on the coffee table. Then he pulled her a little closer to him and leaned back against the couch. His hand found it's home back underneath her skirt, and she tangled her fingers further into his hair. She leaned forward to place a kiss against his head, fully aware that the v-neck shirt she had strategically worn hung wide open for him.

Maybe she could tease him as much as he was teasing her. She shifted forward on her hips, sliding her leg against his hand, so that his fingers brushed the tip of her knickers. He responded by clenching her shirt into a fist at her lower back. Her lips moved down to the side of his head, and she slipped the tip of his ear between her teeth. A muffled groan escaped his throat, his stubble brushed against her neck, and his fingers dug into her thigh.

She released his ear from her grasp to move her mouth to his neck, biting down and sucking his skin into her mouth. He took in a sharp breath, and she paused, waiting for his signal to continue.

"You can bite harder," he said, tilting his head aside to give her better access. So she did. "Leave a mark," he added, and the thought of it— of marking him— just made her want him more. It was like writing her name on her homework, the only way to get full credit.

She could tell he wanted her too when his fingers slid to her knickers, and he dipped his thumbs underneath the fabric. He ran them along the edges, toward her center, until they met one another in the middle. She automatically leaned back slightly to allow him access, and he rightfully interpreted her shift in posture as permission to slip his thumbs down to her clit and caress her.

She moaned and bit his neck harder, and he responded with more pressure from his fingers.

"Do you care about these knickers?" he asked her.

She didn't care— just like her loose blouse, her knickers were a strategic choice. Their transparency made them fragile enough to rip, and assured that her warm, wet response to his touch wouldn't go unnoticed.

She shook her head without removing her mouth from his neck. He firmly gripped the fragile lace and ripped them apart. She lifted her hips so he could tear them fully off, and he discarded them on the floor below the sofa.

Her hips sank back down to his lap, his fingers edged back to her center, and he slipped his thumbs between her lips to spread them apart, giving himself the access he needed to stroke her.

She detached from his neck so she could press herself more firmly into his hand, and smiled at the mark she had left. She lifted onto her knees so her breasts hung dangerously close to his face.

"No bra," he mumbled, starting to trail kisses from her collarbone to her chest. "I love that." Another strategic choice. It didn't take much to push her blouse out of the way so he could cover her breast with his mouth. She felt his tongue run across her nipple, bit her lip, and let out a soft moan.

He increased the pressure of his fingers. One hand continued stroking her, while the other gently spread her, exposing more sensitive skin for him to touch. When her thighs clenched and buckled from the pressure, it was his expertly placed fingers that overrode them, their caresses simply suggesting that she open her legs wider for him. So she did, letting herself get lost in the moment. Then she felt one finger slip inside her, and her breath caught in her throat while her hands gripped his scruffy hair. One finger became two, and her breathing grew louder, a breathy whine escaping with every exhale. She knew he liked that sound. The vibration of his appreciative hum was rattling against her breast, his thumbs confidently massaging her most sensitive places, and she felt his teeth caress her nipple.

Then he released her from his mouth and buried his face into her chest. His hands kept moving on her, in her, and his unshaven chin against her breasts caused her whole body to quiver. "You're so fucking wet" came his muffled voice, and she could almost feel the corners of his mouth turning up into a satisfied smile. "Can't wait to fuck you...Hear you come…"

As a general rule, Hermione didn't love dirty talk. But when it was Ron...

She pressed into his hand while her fingers tugged at his hair. He increased the pressure of his strokes again, and she shut her mouth tight to muffle her growing moans.

"Let it out, Hermione," he whispered into her ear. "We're alone, you can be loud. Scream for me."

Ron was definitely an exception to the rule.

She obliged, letting the sound of her pleasure escape her lips. Ron pressed his lips against the front of her neck, letting a kiss linger there, and he kept his hands moving determinedly, teasingly.

The tension was about to peak, and she felt herself involuntarily clench down on his hand.

"That's right—" he said against the front of her neck, centering his thumb directly on the mound of nerves, pressing, and driving her mad. It was almost like he had studied her body, learned the rules, and knew exactly how to please her.

She felt heat rising between her legs, her breath deepening, and almost let out a moan of satisfaction—

But he swiftly removed his hand from between her legs, seconds before she would have unraveled completely. She groaned, now simply in frustration— he was an expert at pleasing her, and knowing exactly when to pull back to drive her mad. She should have expected this— they could go on all night. Half of her hoped they would.

"I'm not ready to be done with you," he said mischievously, before shifting her off of his lap and onto her back. He climbed on top of her, but just before she captured his lips with hers, he ducked away, landing on her neck.

"Tease," she sighed, while he chuckled. His hand slid up her shirt and cupped her breast, while he kissed his way to her ear.

"Takes one to know one," he whispered, and his hand progressed down her stomach, shortly followed by his head, lifting her skirt up when he got there. He kissed her inner thigh, and trailed his lips to her center. Finding her clit, he ran his tongue across her and it didn't take long for her to feel the build up again.

This time she wrapped a leg around his head to hold him in place, just in case he decided to tease her again. He smiled against her and stopped the motion of his tongue. When she loosened the grip of her leg, he slowly nodded, and resumed. She tried it one another time, pressing her leg into his head, forcing his lips against her, and he paused. She could tell he was smirking even though his face was obscured by her bunched up skirt.

"I hate you," she said, in a tone that implied the opposite.

He removed his lips from her for a brief, tantalizing moment, and locked eyes with her. "I love you."

He might have reached up and literally turned the corners of her mouth up in a smile, it was that automatic. She both loved, and despised, how effectively his words could make her melt.

She let her head relax against the couch cushion and her knees opened wide. He dove right back in, covering her with his tongue, and now that she understood the rules of his little game, she submitted.

Her breath picked up again and the muscles in her legs spasmed as she quickly approached her edge again, but she made every effort not to show it by muffling her voice into the couch cushion, steadying her breath, forcing her legs to relax…

But he didn't buy it. This time, he slowed his tongue and steadied his mouth on her milliseconds before she screamed his name, and broke contact right before she reached her hand to his head to try to keep him in place. What would have been a sound of satisfaction came out as a frustrated groan. With that same infuriating smirk he kissed his way back up to her neck, all while undoing the buttons on his jeans and pulling his erection free.

He pressed his tip against her opening, raising his eyebrows for permission. She nodded and wrapped her legs around his waist as he pushed in.

They'd gotten quite comfortable being with each other this way. This was a far cry from the clumsy, self-conscious Ron of last summer. There were no awkward position shifts, mumbled apologies, nervous fumbles— this was a Ron who knew what she liked. He knew exactly where to touch her, how fast to thrust, how to angle her hips against her to make her bite her lip, close her eyes, and come undone. She was quite proud of how quickly he had learned the rules of her body.

But of course, it was his mischievous side that made him a Weasley, and breaking the rules was his ultimate motivation for learning them. It was his style as a quidditch keeper, a chess player, a prefect, and as it turns out, a lover.

So this time she didn't get her hopes up. She let him snake his arm around her lower back, lift her hips, press his thumb to her clit while she clutched blindly at the couch cushions, exhaling his name with every breath. He continued to pump into her with finesse, his own breath pace was picking up, and a rosy color creeping up his neck. He must have felt her tightening around him as she approached climax again, because he slowed his pace, removed his hand from her, and withdrew. He exhaled a stiff, cooling breath like it had taken incredible self-restraint to pull away.

"Turn around?" he said.

Was it a question? A command? As a rule, she didn't love being told what to do, but when it was Ron...

He didn't have to say it twice. She flipped over, balancing on her forearms while he gripped her hips and pulled her back to her knees. He held her steady and pressed himself into her for the second time, and her name escaped his lips as a moan when he started to pump.

Yes, Ron was an exception to the rule.

His fingers wandered underneath her, found her center, and began to stroke her, keeping pace with his thrusts. Like no time had passed, she was approaching the cliff again— it always happened more quickly the longer he teased her. Her legs buckled, she felt herself clenching down on his cock, and dug her fingers into the couch cushion.

He picked up his pace and pumped into her faster and harder until the couch was shifting with each thrust. She could sense that he was almost over the edge, and she was right there with him. She buried her face into the throw pillow to muffle the high pitched scream of his name, just as he pressed himself powerfully into her and let himself unravel, moaning expletives that that would have offended her if she heard them from anyone else.

He collapsed onto her, his fingers in her hair, but she still felt light under his weight, floating on the euphoria of their joint orgasm.

Well damn. Dirty talk, telling her what to do, swearing, and teasing her— none of that was in the rulebook. Leave it to Ron to make the wrong things feel so right.

They recovered, and Hermione turned back around to face him. He lowered his body back to hers, and captured her lips in a kiss. This time, when he tried to pull away, she pressed her hand to the back of his head to keep them connected. He didn't tease or resist, but melted into her and deepened the kiss, breaking the rules of his own game.

Mischief Managed.

[madfantasy]

شكرا..

Even between the constant nudging feelings of being unable to create something relatable, to be noticed, or understood. The silence, the diminishing digital numbers, and the constant wondering if I'm doing something wrong or if it simple life effects, fall out of interest, vague differentiation of cultures and shifting tides. Being out of luck, or the faint wrestle of fandom-ic opinions, moods and sides. And between my reality at home, being told on daily basis with colorful variety that my art isn't feeding me as such, its not important, and my efforts are stupidly wasted.

I am thankful

For those special ones who I met and left me a memory to revisit, brief our encounters were or graciouslly still flourishing, I'm grateful for the time and every word and support you've bestowed upon me, allowing me to treat myself and remain connected to my only window to the world and haven- online. When I could, I have saved in treasuring manner your messages and reread under the blanket of white noise, almost unconsciously and tirelessly running my sight across the lines, for being such wonderful spiritual excursion I could hardly believe I'm deserving of and can't get enough of. And grateful for those who follow my trail silently and faithfully with every new burst of randomness that leaves me, and welcoming those who came to company my wavering drawing journey, even if my words don't reach you

Used to having the concept of time as meaningless almost my entire life, but now dears came to inhabited its space, I couldn't help but count every second. Three years now amongst you, witnessing humanity I've never tasted before, grateful for to have the fortune of it happening in my life

Loving to mention personally who comes to mind at the moment, regretting who I'm forgetting already (im sorry

@suffer-my-displeasure Tinni, so thankful to have you as the wonderful talented witty kind hilarious person you are. Thank you for the art you do, for the inspiration and the tickling thrill to rush and draw as to match the passion you give. Thank you for simply the vibrant times in doing art and complaining about it lol

I treasure our art adventures and always wish you the best and look forward to everything you do, don't keep us waiting :"

I still love this drawing we did on Magma studio, wish to do more :"

(Guys remind me to interduce you to it, so we can maybe draw together some time!)

@thepomegranatejuice Pom, thank you for the release of the exhilarating imaginary side of language; the poetic flow of words you smoothly relay along side the stokes of my brush, like the gentle grace of a passing wind on a shuddering clear mirror of water, reflecting their joint wonders. Thank you for your beautiful perception and the motivation you cause me. I wish you always the best of things, you amazingly warm-hearted soul

@snapecentric my dearest Katt, thank you for everything. Thank you for your much needed nudging encouragement in me using Ko-Fi for the first time, thank you for helping me overcome my embarrassment in advertising and explaining my situation. Thank you for the luscious killer use of words and creative awesome input, and your immense kindness to others. You're a miracle in my life, and I'm sure in other's. Bless your soul my dear, may your always filled with the joy you give

@willmoanbutdonothingtochange Ali, thank you dear for always making giddy with your appearance that blessed my notifications board. Your way with words, your thoughts, compassion and utter sweetness overwhelms me, an angel you are, bless your bones

@omgverybouquetkoala deary, thank you for being an extension to family, thank you for everything you've shared, all your little stories and craft, I love your bookmarks, wish you all the best my dear

@snapessexual precious dear, thank you for all the fire and the excitement you bring me, with your wizarding way with editing vids and bringing pictures to life, all the love

Also would love to thank my top supporters, according to ko-fi hehe

Blessing me with their commissioning

@kaboom-eye with his awesome daring fic scenes and saving me from a tight spot of disappearing from online, @friedgreenpickles all the lovable sev as you are @snapelynn with your cute Althea and teeny Sev fanfics <33

And everyone's generosity in supporting me and commissioning me @its-itsjustice-love , @kirasnapeaddict @sherrasama , @francis-sinbin , @rose0jam , @sluthyrin , @gcgraywriter, and those who I'm sorry that i don't know their handles; Mantra, Nyara, BronzeWool, Gruselnudel, Naomi

Thank you for all the dear that bare with me and make my heart flutter @mybianca112 lovvve uu dear , @lovewithmidnight قُتلت خلاص، قلبي ماع You're so wonderful 😭 @clowne-depot u PRECIOUS and everybody, Salem, Harry,,,,

I want to thank all the writers and artists that have tickled my fancy and were a joy to spot on the feed and remembering some;

@deathdaydungeon , @alinearthp @blog4snape , @myobscureimaginarium , @lo-pizzaeater

Also thank you for dears who mentioned me, who also supported me and I adore their art mizzadamz , capysnapeart , hpprincealice

May your year brings you the joy that you deserves, and the fortune your heart desires, despite all the odds 🙏

Have this Kaka from Mani

3.1.2021

[ayo-cowbelly]

jedi lineage mantras

me and @ghostwriterofthemachine came up with these a while back, and i thought, since i’m using one in a fic maybe other people might want to as well? so i’m sharing them with you all today.

Lineage-specific mantras: While there are dozens of meditation mantras that all Jedi use, there are also ones that are passed down through lineages, often tailored to the kinds of skills and problems that are specific to that line.

A lineage of healers, for instance, may have something like, “I wish to heal the hurt of the universe; may the Force guide my hands,” or something similar.

These are rarely shared with those outside the lineage; while not forbidden to do so, it is widely acknowledged to be something special and private. Learning this mantra is an important coming of age landmark, and considered an important moment in the developing relationship between Master and Padawan.

here are some we came up with, if you use them, feel free to add your own or tweak a bit- just please tag us / give credit!

*names with a strikethrough are those who fell to the dark or left the order

Through the Force we are One, and as One we are the Force” (Tiplar’s master -> Tiplar -> tiplar’s padawan (the first and last can maybe just be OC’s someone makes up))

“I seek to help a heavy universe. The Force will shoulder the weight I cannot” (or just “The Force will shoulder the weight I cannot”)

“The Force is our strength that lifts us when we fall” (Mace -> Depa -> Kanan -> Ezra)

“Our strength is our unity and unity is the Force” 

“The Force is our guide, it is our guardian; it will show us the way” 

“The Force provides peace when peace cannot be found” (Yoda -> Dooku -> Qui-Gon -> Obi-Wan -> Anakin -> Ahsoka)

“Despite the chaos of the moment, I am at peace” 

“The Force is the tool of a Jedi, and a Jedi is a tool of the Force” (This seems like Pong Krell tbh— something that can become very dehumanizing in the wrong state of mind)

“We carry the Force through this world, until it carries us through its own” 

“The Force is the road a Jedi walks; it will lift us when we no longer can”

“I seek to do good; May the Force guide my hands” 

“The Force provides us guidance when we have lost our way” (maybe this one is Luminara / barriss? Since barriss fell and all) 

[moiraineswife]

Jasnah Meta - The Importance of Context

AKA: PLEASE stop saying that Jasnah is pro-genocide when she is. Not. At all. In any way. Shape or form. Whatsoever. 

TL;DR: Nowhere, at any point, in four ginormous books of text, does Jasnah ever say ‘you know what’s great? Genocide.’ She never even implies. It she never even actually, seriously, suggests it. Please stop saying she does as though it’s canon I lose 12 years of my life every time it’s mentioned. 

AND NOW FOR THE LONG VERSION BECAUSE Y’ALL KNOW I CAN’T LEAVE IT AT THAT!!!!! 

PLEASE NOTE! THERE WILL BE SOME MINOR RHYTHM OF WAR SPOILERS IN HERE. PLEASE AVERT YOUR EYEBALLS IF THIS IS A DISTRESSING CONCEPT TO YOU.

So first things first, let us discuss The Scene Itself: 

“Yes. The answer is obvious. We need to find the Heralds.”

Kaladin nodded in agreement.

“Then,” Jasnah added, “we need to kill them.”

“What?” Kaladin demanded. “Woman, are you insane?”

“The Stormfather laid it out,” Jasnah said, unperturbed. “The Heralds made a pact. When they died, their souls traveled to Damnation and trapped the spirits of the Voidbringers, preventing them from returning.”

“Yeah. Then the Heralds were tortured until they broke.”

“The Stormfather said their pact was weakened, but did not say it was destroyed,” Jasnah said. “I suggest that we at least see if one of them is willing to return to Damnation. Perhaps they can still prevent the spirits of the enemy from being reborn. It’s either that, or we completely exterminate the parshmen so that the enemy has no hosts.” She met Kaladin’s eyes. “In the face of such an atrocity, I would consider the sacrifice of one or more Heralds to be a small price.”

“Storms!” Kaladin said, standing up straight. “Have you no sympathy?”

“I have plenty, bridgeman. Fortunately, I temper it with logic. Perhaps you should consider acquiring some at a future date.”

So the only time Jasnah actually brings up this concept it’s to, hyperbolically, point out that asking the Heralds to return to Braize and trap the Fused may not be the worst idea.

She’s not actually suggesting this as a valid or legitimate tactic. It’s to contrast the plan Kaladin just called her ‘insane’ for suggesting (I bet that’s gonna hurt a million times more than it already does in 900 years when we get Jasnah’s book and backstory but hey. Back on topic) and point out that, in the face of the apocalypse, this is the kind of level they have to think on. 

I’ve already talked about the nuances of this scene at length here, so I’ll just do a quick summary: Jasnah is not as composed about any of this internally as she makes out to be - even what she suggests with the Heralds. 

When we see her alone with Ivory, reading Taln’s repeated mantra, Ivory notes that she’s troubled. The words (and where he was/how he was being treated when they were recorded) is enough to trigger a twenty year old flashback in her. 

This scene is one of the clearest moments (along with the Kharbranth thug scene, I suspect) where Jasnah’s outward projection of her internal feelings and thoughts least matches up with reality.

In spite of the inflammatory remark that sparks this all off,  she doesn’t want to assassinate any Heralds. She quite clearly says she wants to “see if one of them is WILLING to return to Damnation.” She wants to have a conversation with them, understand the Oathpact, and see if any of them would consent to buying them some time. She is not suggesting they knife one of the Heralds in a back alley. That’s Moash’s job.

This is supported by what she does in canon. Jasnah is actually the one who recognises Taln and Ash and, somehow, manages to persuade them to join her at Urithiru and help. She treats them with nothing but dignity and respect in her scenes with them in Rhythm of War, and tries to find out more about the Oathpact and their options - as she said she wanted to do.

But since Jasnah is a Kholin, which means the ‘D’ in her DNA stands for DRAMA, she doesn’t say that, instead she says: “let us find the Heralds and kill them.” (I love her so much y’all. Ahem. Anyway).

But there’s method to this madness, too. Please click the ‘keep reading’ button to discover why! (have to turn my own posts into clickbait bc they’re so long I have to put in a cut to spare ur dashboards). 

Jasnah likes to push people. She likes to force them to think, and consider all angles of a problem, and come to terms with their own thoughts and opinions. This is one of the things that frustrates Shallan about Jasnah in TWOK: 

Shallan caught a victorious glimmer in her eye. She wasn’t necessarily advocating ideas because she believed them; she just wanted to push Shallan. It was infuriating. How was Shallan to know what Jasnah really thought if she adopted conflicting points of view like this?

-TWOK 36

Jasnah doesn’t want to brutally murder the Heralds and force them to return to their maddening idea of hell. But in phrasing it as she does, she can get an insight into Kaladin. Despite the fact we know him very well at this point, this is, this is the first time Jasnah has interacted with him on-screen, and only the second time she’s met him ever. 

“That Windrunner. What do you think of him, Shallan? I find him much as I imagined his order, but I have only met him once. It has all come so quickly. After years of struggling in the shadows, everything coming to light—and despite my years of study—I understand so very little.”

Oathbringer, 33

Jasnah in that scene is deliberately being as exaggerated, ruthless, cold, and harsh as she can get away with. She’s trying to push Kaladin. She wants to bait responses from him, to get an idea of what kind of man he is, and what he stands for. She focuses entirely on him on that scene, and the reactions we as readers get see that as well. 

“If you wish, Captain,” Jasnah snapped, “I can get you some mink kits to cuddle while the adults plan. None of us want to talk about this, but that does not make it any less inevitable.”

“I’d love that,” Kaladin responded. “In turn, I’ll get you some eels to cuddle. You’ll feel right at home.”

Jasnah, curiously, smiled.

 Jasnah likes to be pushed as well. She likes to have people push back with her, and stand up for themselves, assert themselves, make their arguments. She all but encourages Dalinar to publicly do so in RoW. 

Socially, in spite of Kaladin’s rank or status as a Windrunner, it’s probably 100% Not Acceptable to ask an Alethi princess if she wants a basket full of eels to cuddle because she is one, effectively. But Jasnah’s unphased - and even pleased - by Kal’s response. She likes that she’s seeing this from him, that he’s unguarded, and passionate, and more than willing to go toe-to-toe with her, which few people are.

Also, because I foresee potential problems in this meta that I would like to nip in the bud right now, I don’t think that Jasnah is doing this to play with people? That’s not really in her nature or who she is. There’s a purpose to everything she does, and there’s a purpose to her doing this, too.

With Shallan it was to encourage her to think for herself and form her own thoughts and opinions. Just before in that scene, Shallan asked why Jasnah couldn’t just tell her what to think and what was the right philosophy to have in life. Jasnah replied it was something she had to discover for herself - and that’s how she approaches all of their studies. 

Jasnah never teaches Shallan what to think, or even what happened, despite that being the meat of her study. Instead, she teaches Shallan how to think, how to study, how to learn, how to critically reason, and how to form and argue her own thoughts and conclusions. 

With Kal, I think it’s a quick and brutal way of quickly getting to grips with a new, very important, element in what’s going on in her world. Remember, too, that one of Jasnah’s most obvious aims, aside from protecting the world, is protecting her family. And Kaladin is very close to everyone that she loves and holds most dear, while she knows nothing about him. 

However, something else that’s important to note, which, for me anyway, RoW all but confirmed: Jasnah has low cognitive empathy.

She’d come to realize, early in her youth, that she didn’t approach relationships the same way everyone else seemed to. Her partners in the past had always complained that she was too cold, so academic. That had frustrated her. How was she to learn what others felt if she couldn’t ask them?

Chapter 99 really was an absolute fucking gift, I mean really. Asexuality AND low empathy, all in one go. What a delight.

This little snippet can be read as her being asexual, potentially, but I actually think it reads more heavily and obviously about her being neurodivergent? And specially low cognitive empathy. Brandon says that, to him, Jasnah is not autistic spectrum, but you just keep giving me more evidence to say she is buddy!! Anyway. Diagnostic debates aside. 

I would guess some of y’all don’t know what the heck I mean by ‘cognitive empathy’ (I didn’t before I researched all of this a couple of years ago). 

There are two types of empathy, in strict psychology terms (and then there’s the colloquial way we use it to just mean ‘a good person with feelings’ which drives me BANANAS but that’s a rant for another day): 

Affective empathy - which basically means ‘this person around me is happy/sad/excited, I am also now feeling that way. Because emotion is infectious like a cold! How thrilling’. 

Cognitive empathy - is the ability a person has to pick up on/know what others are feeling without having to be told. Using tone/body language/facial expression etc etc. It’s something I, and a lot of other autistic people, are bad at. 

So is Jasnah! 

Her previous partners disliked her probably verbally vibe checking them every other week to find out where they were at. Jasnah was frustrated because how the heck else is she meant to know wtf?? What an absolute mood this woman is. Anyway. 

This revelation/confirmation makes a LOT of Jasnah scenes make a lot more sense. Including: chapter 64, and her insistence, to the point of it almost being illogical, that she fight without her Surgebinding to try and get as clear a picutre of what her soldiers are facing as she can. Jasnah starts off that chapter by saying she’s never actually been in a war before, and states throughout that she wasn’t prepared for what it was actually like. 

Her low empathy means that, without a personal context/experience to relate to and draw emotional experience from, she struggles to understand exactly what her troops are going through. 

Obviously she knows that ‘war is bad, battles are scary and not fun’. But she has no way of emotionally relating/truly understanding what they’re feeling. This is one of the reasons I think it’s so important to her, despite Ivory’s chiding, to do it that way so that she can understand. 

Similar thing is happening here with Kaladin. Jasnah struggles to instinctively Get Vibes from people, so she goes about things in a very scholarly way. 

She does research and makes notes (see: her little folio on the highprinces (which, by the way, misses out on several important aspects of them Shallan picks up on pretty quickly by the power of Intuition), she asks questions - and she sets up scenarios that push people into blatant emotion so she can observe and get an idea of what makes them tick. 

TL;DR TAKE TWO: Jasnah does not want to murder all of the Singers. Jasnah never says she wants to. Jasnah only uses it as a ‘see, asking the Heralds to go back to Damnation isn’t actually that bad now is it?’ hyperbolic counterpoint after Kaladin asked her if she was insane. Jasnah is not actually what she pretends to be in that scene. She is but a hapless gay who cannot detect emotions so she has to conduct her Vibe Checks differently from other people. She is highly valid in every way and i stan her.

[babybirthdayproject]

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[fairycosmos]

when you say you'll miss therapy you mean it was helping you? i feel like a failure because i also tried it it months ago and it was a waste of time and money and energy. i also lost my sister 9 months ago. i have tried and nothing has helped. it stands to reason i have to die. and i want to die. i don't want help. i truly don't. i just want to die. right now. it's awful how these are just words but i am writing them while i am crying trying to come down from a panic attack and they seem so calm. i just want to go lie down with my sister and stay down there forever and sleep forever with her. nothing can help. i truly know this in my flesh. there is no help. i knew it before and i know it even more now. i want to die & nobody can understand.

hey. to be honest, while the therapist knew about my sister, i told her i wasn't ready to talk about the actual death and the trauma of it in detail. i only had 3 sessions with her overall and we started from my childhood. so when i said it helped i guess i just meant that finally acknowleding things from back then and conceptualizing them in actual reality and not just in my head, felt nice. i'm really really sorry about your sister. i say this a lot but there really isn't any words for it, and there really is no comfort either. i'm just so sorry. it is unbearable, i can't pretend otherwise. but you are definitely not a failure. finding the right therapist and the right timing for going to therapy is basically half the battle, it is so so important. it can take forever and it has nothing to do with personal fault. right now you don't want help, you said it yourself. and i'm not saying that in a blame-y way by the way, it is completely understandable. like, majorly. you have lost perhaps the most important thing in the world to you and nothing will ever be the same again. nobody gets it because all grief is unique, because all relationships are unique. it is literally a special kind of hell, and i'm right there with you. the words minimize the experience so much. this is the most unintangible chaos, unsayable heaviness and hurt. the fact is it can't be translated into an explanation, and that makes it all the more isolating. i don't blame you for wanting to give up because the suffering is so strong and relentless, though at the same time it's obvious to me that you deserve so much more than that. and again, you're not a failure. i hope you can practice letting go of that notion sometime, even if it feels like a lie. honestly, reaching out for help and talking to professionals might be something you do for the entirety of your adulthood. trying to find some resolution or modicum of acceptance may be a lifelong thing. and that is honestly ok, even if it is exhausting, even if it doesn't feel worth sticking around for at the moment. this is not a linear process. the only thing you have to focus on is getting through right now. that's how i do it, anyway. i pretend the future and the past don't exist sometimes, and i just try to survive the moment. not trying to be melodramatic but it feels a bit like burning alive or freezing to death, and counting down the seconds until the pain eases just a little. sometimes it seems like it never does, sometimes there are moments its broken by superficial distractions. to be frank, i keep thinking i'll find the perfect mantra to tell myself, and to tell other people like you, that will get us through this, but there just isn't one. sometimes it's all just incomprehensibly hard, and it can't be saved or made better. but i do understand, at least to an extent. and a lot of people do, it shocks me all the time how many of us are carrying it with us. like you i don't think there's anything that truly helps grief, not even time really, but there are things that briefly alleviate the bones of it. the talking, crying, honouring, like i said the distracting, even. and it's not enough at all, it never ever will be, it is still unfathomable pain on top of unfathomable pain. i'm just trying to show you that's not all there is, or all there's going to be. it's alright if you're not ready to get proper help yet or if you don't know what to do next, you don't have to know. just focus on making it through the next hour. try to treat yourself like you would a young child or a close friend, even when you want to self destruct. try as many times as you need to for it to work. it's fucking awful and i don't want to live without my sister either, if i thought about getting older without her for more than two minutes i don't know what i'd do. but unfortunately we are still alive and we do have to work with that. and sometimes working with it literally means crying for days on end in bed. the point is you're here, and i hope you can talk to someone with time, but regardless i am so sorry and so proud of you. the grief is constant, but the intensity of each breakdown is not built to last no matter how permanent it feels in the moment. my inbox is always open if you need someone. please contact a friend/family member/emergency services if you feel like ur a threat to your own life rn. please try not to listen to ur brain, whatever suicidal shit it's spewing, and get someone to be with you if you need it. i am so sorry. i'll keep you and your sister in my heart too. so much of her is you, she helped shape this whole world, and the wonderful person you are. that is never going to change. sending so much love x

https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines