#i am just letting my brain freely think about all the possibilities

[revelboo]

I just wanted to tell you that I really love reading your writing. It’s really amazing. I’m always in awe of how quickly you write for SO MANY DIFFERENT CHARACTERS! AND YOU MAKE THEM ALL SO UNIQUE!!! It’s so cool, and I really love how you describe things too. I wasn’t really a Transformers fan before I found your blog, but you have completely converted me. I think “Everything Is Alright” was the first thing I read of yours, and I am just so invested in the Megatron Trojan Horse Pregnancy Arc. You’re brilliant, I hope that you have a wonderful day, and that you’re always happy, healthy, and loved.

Awww! Thank you so much! 💕 I’m just glad you guys like the weird way my brain works

Everything Is Alright Pt 120

IDW Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, Megatron x Reader

• Giving up and laying your head against Star’s hand, the anger is a hollow pit inside you. And you’re not sure you can do this anymore. That you want to do this. Part of you just wants to go home. To pretend this whole mess away like a bad dream. You love Star and Soundwave. Are beginning to like Megatron even if he’s awful sometimes. But you’re just so tired of all of it. “I wish you hadn’t come back,” you whisper hating yourself for saying it and Star’s servos flex around you. Wishing that he’d just let you go that night. Hadn’t returned to your house and slept outside for you to find him. You’d have gotten over him, moved on. Eventually.

• Spark constricting, Starscream mass shifts and gathers you to him. Doesn’t care that he’s vulnerable right now, that his worst enemy is right there, staring at him. Doesn’t care about anything beyond fixing this. Because those bitter, hurt words lay him open, wound him deeper than Megatron ever has. “Everything I do has been for you,” he says, catching your chin and tipping it up. Lying like he always does and despising himself for it. “I can, I will, do better.” Even if he’s not entirely sure that he can. Maybe he’s too broken to change at this point, too far gone to trust anyone. Even you, but he can’t let you go either. As horrible as he is, you love him. And he wants to be worthy of that. Hoping that he’s not already damaged that love too much to repair.

• Hearing your broken ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ Soundwave can’t stop himself from reaching to press a servo against your spine. From mass shifting and settling at your back so you’re pinned between him and the Seeker. Feeling the warmth of you, the too quick beat of your heart. Knows Starscream is lying to you, trying to coax your forgiveness and he can feel your hurt. How had he not realized how unhappy you really were? Knows he’d been too focused on the Seeker, on protecting secrets and trying to arrange the pieces on the board so you’ll be safest, but not really paying enough attention to you. And he’s still horrified at how short your lifespan is. But he’ll figure this out. “Little one,” he croons, rubbing his masked face against you.

• Primus, what a mess. Watching both mechs whisper and murmur reassurances to you, he feels like an outsider. Like this is something not meant for him. Even if he’s fully bonded to you and carrying yours and Starscream’s sparkling, something that still leaves him irrationally furious. And you’re crying again, shoving at Starscream when he bumps his helm against your cheek. Watches you smack him, little fists lashing out as the Seeker just allows it and refuses to let go until you press your face against his neck. Everything so complicated because of you. Their mess spilling over to become his mess, but he can’t despise you for taking what he’d offered freely never imagining you’d accept. And that’s starting to really sink in. That you’re his now. His to protect and care for, that he’s fully bonded, mated. Something he’d never dared even imagine was possible.

• Neither of them will let go, both just holding on to you. Refusing to give you space. Holding on as the anger fizzles out into exhaustion. Wanting to hurt them because you’re hurting and it’s their fault. And it’s your fault, too. You know that all too well. Wanting things that you shouldn’t have. Not resisting when Starscream just tucks your head under his chin, Soundwave’s head on your shoulder. Caged by them, feeling their servos on you, clinging too tight. Looking up, you see Megatron just staring at you, his expression utterly blank. Maybe. Maybe you can all just start over? Maybe it’s not all so ruined there’s no way to fix it.

Previous

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[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 5.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

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A/n: This chapter is going to contain some very dark and graphic scenes. Please read carefully. I'm really happy that you guys are enjoying the story! The comments are feeding me and motivating me so much, I really do appreciate the support. Also, you can read it here on my archive account as well!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

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Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4

All through the night, Shuri had worked on dissecting the Winter Soldier's brain. When Bucky had swung by the lab in the morning, it seemed as though Shuri hadn't slept at all. Her space buns were now down, the freely-hanging braids swinging wildly as she walked around the cryostasis pod with quick paces.

Her brows were furrowed with annoyance, the princess cursing to herself in Xhosa as Okoye stood by, raising a brow at the profanities Shuri was listing off. Bucky was concerned, greeting her with a tilt of his head and holding out a cup of coffee for her.

"Good morning. Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. I admittedly lost track of time, but the programming is proving to be difficult. Every time I seem to get past the encryption, another layer pops up and tries to activate her. However, since she's in cryostasis, the activation is failing."

Bucky nodded, humming thoughtfully as he stared at the woman within the pod.

"Seems like they updated their programming to avoid another...well, me."

Shuri nodded, huffing as she glanced back at him.

"Exactly. I knew that she was going to be complex, but I didn't think to realize that they would install safeguards in such a way. I can do it, it's just frustrating."

Okoye hummed, quirking her brow slightly before snorting in amusement when Shuri glared back at her.

"She has been yelling profanities for the last two hours."

Shuri waved her off, not even gracing Okoye with a response. Instead, she gestured Bucky over, expanding the hologram of the woman's mind. Throughout her mind, Bucky could see pulses of...something...happening, and he glanced at Shuri when the woman asked.

"What do you see?"

"Um, it looks like there's a lightning storm flashing through her mind."

Shuri smiled, nodding.

"Precisely. The synapses of her brain are firing rapidly despite her being in cryostasis. Do you understand what this means?"

Bucky was quiet, shrugging slightly, and Shuri rolled her eyes before saying.

"She is dreaming, White Wolf."

Bucky was surprised, asking Shuri as she began to poke around the hologram, pulling up a couple sections.

"Wait, she is?"

"Yes, and with my technology, I've been able to see into these dreams."

Her expression became grim, eyes darting away from Bucky, and Bucky understood what her expression was saying. Whatever Shuri was able to see hadn't been pleasant in the slightest, which in a morbid way, Bucky wasn't even surprised. Almost wordlessly, she pulled up a particular image, explaining.

"I was only able to get glimpses and small portions of dreams due to HYDRA's programming kicking me out repeatedly, but from what I saw...it was truly horrific. The things that HYDRA did...the things it seems that she is remembering, or perhaps never forgot, are...they are horrific, Sergeant Barnes."

Bucky frowned deeply as looked at the images that Shuri was showing him. Some were of a familiar cell wall, some were of blurred faces that were familiar yet unknown at the same time, and there was one that made his stomach churn.

Blood. There was so much blood covering her naked thighs and pooled beneath her. Shuri had taken the time to carefully blur the soldier's vagina from view, but Bucky didn't even need to see it to know what they had done.

You're a super soldier, they would say. You can take it.

Bucky bit his tongue while his back stiffened considerably, and Shuri brought up a clip that began to play automatically. It seemed to be of a previous killing, the man on the ground looking up at the soldier fearfully as a bloody hand came into view.

He seemed to be begging, crying hard as the body of a child whose head was crushed and gushing with blood and destroyed brain matter laid within his lap. The soldier was holding a gun, and when the gun was fired, the clip ended.

"Were you able to do this with me as well?"

Bucky's tone was quiet, his words almost a whisper as he looked away from the clip, his breathing starting to accelerate slightly as Shuri swiped the clip away quickly.

"Definitely, but not to this extent. However, our work together helped to shape my technology into this."

Shuri gestured to the hologram with her hand before she glanced back at Bucky, pursing her lips as she grabbed another image and maximized it, showing the image of a blurry paper-crochet butterfly and small hands that were in the process of decorating the art project.

"There are a few memories that I was able to get to, though they are slightly miniscule; almost useless to us in figuring out who she is."

Another video came up, a short 10 second clip that showed the soldier in what looked to be a graduation or awards ceremony. There was an elderly-looking hand that was lifting a medal before pinning it to her chest, and Bucky's eyes widened.

"Wait a minute...that looks familiar. Can you clear up the image a bit?"

Shuri looked smug before winking as the image cleared, showing a medal that had an inscription engraved onto it. Bucky shook his head in surprise, saying as he uncrossed his arms in surprise.

"No wonder she's a ghost. She worked for the CIA."

The medal that the soldier had been given was for Career Intelligence, a reward that came from exceptional achievements and, if Bucky remembered right, the length of service. Shuri hummed, stating as she crossed her arms and glanced at the woman.

"Not all ghosts are completely untraceable. If I can get deeper into her mind and get more parts of her memories unlocked, I can attempt to figure out who she is a lot easier and faster."

Shuri then shook her head, huffing with frustration.

"The risk that comes with doing so, however, is that once she awakens and her mind is able to be more active, these memories have a chance of coming to her all at once. It will be an overwhelming and horrifying experience for her."

Bucky sighed heavily. If that happened, there was a risk that it could reactivate HYDRA's programming and she would become an active threat, and nobody wanted that.

Hell, his temple was still throbbing.

Bucky then glanced over at Shuri again when Shuri pointed to a hologram of a document with the CIA's official seal, maximizing the image and swiping a few of the scanned documents away.

"Because we know our soldier was a part of the CIA, I scanned through their database to see if I could find anything akin to the Winter Soldier program. While the CIA is involved in a super soldier project, I haven't found anything of use yet. And don't worry, I erased my tracks as soon as I made them."

Shuri smirked with a haughty glint within her eyes, and Bucky chuckled at her. He hummed after mulling through his thoughts for a moment.

"It's nice to know that we're getting closer to knowing who she is, but if you can't get past the firewalls of the algorithm...how would we reactivate her without wiping her?"

"I can put a temporary lock upon her most recent memories from the time she was awakened until now. That lock will slowly deteriorate over time, almost like a dissolvable suture, so it won't be permanent."

That was nice to know, at least. T'Challa's voice made Shuri and Bucky jump from the surprise, the two of them looking back at him as he walked inside of the lab.

"If our Isithunzi worked for the CIA before she became a Winter Soldier and was awarded for her work, then perhaps the next step would be to look at every single employee that was in service within the last 50 years that received recognition from the agency."

He was holding the black book within his hands, and T'Challa placed it down on a table beside one of the original Black Panther suits, the king regarding the two of them with a tired look. Shuri scoffed, waving him off before doing the Wakandan salute.

"Please, you always think so lowly of me. When I discovered this particular memory, I downloaded as much information as I could without tripping the CIA's cyber security systems. There's at least 75 years worth of information here. If we filter out employees that hadn't specifically received a Career Intelligence reward, we lower the number to at least five to 10 years."

Bucky was impressed, and he joked gently.

"You ever thought of becoming a spy?"

T'Challa pursed his lips in annoyance when Shuri laughed loudly.

"Not in your life, White Wolf. I like being my own boss."

"Unless the king says no."

Shuri didn't even grace T'Challa with a response, making the man roll his eyes and shake his head. T'Challa regarded Bucky with a hard gaze, asking him.

"Have you gotten in touch with the Captain to see if Tony or Natasha have found anything as well?"

"Not yet. I was kind of waiting on them to get in touch with me."

T'Challa nodded, and he suggested.

'You should tell the Captain what you have found. I am sure that he is eager to know what we have uncovered."

Bucky nodded despite the cryptic feeling that was twinging T'Challa's words, and he walked out of the lab into a deserted hallway, a couple of the Dora Milaje standing guard. Awkwardly nodding to them in greeting as he walked down the hallway, Bucky slipped out the phone within his pocket and frowned.

Despite the fact that he'd had the thing for a while, Bucky still couldn't quite grasp the fact that touch-screen was a thing. Hell, the last time Bucky had ever used a phone before HYDRA, it was to call his little sister, Rebecca, before he went to Europe with the 107th.

He could still remember the number for the Shelbyville operator, the specific number for Rebecca's telephone, and how calls were logged and billed for at the end of the month. Now, it took just dialing a number directly. Bucky's mind was still having a bit of trouble wrapping around the idea of call operators not really being a thing anymore.

Shaking his head slightly, Bucky called Steve, a quiet part of his mind wondering if Steve had felt this way before as well. The meaningless thought was squandered when Steve answered, sounding a bit out of breath as he spoke.

"Hey, Buck. Any progress yet on the woman?"

Bucky hummed, leaning against the wall as he glanced in the direction of the lab, replying.

"We got a bit of good information. Shuri's technology was able to get through to some parts of the woman's brain and reveal some memories of her. Apparently, she was a part of the CIA before she became a Winter Soldier."

Steve made a noise of surprise, stating.

"That makes things a bit easier. Tony wasn't really able to find a lot, and Natasha hasn't even combed the surface of the databanks we acquired."

"She's a complete ghost, so I don't know if it'll help. There's something else, though..."

Bucky's voice trailed off for a moment, his surprise hitting him again before he informed Steve.

"...the woman's dreaming. Shuri had a live hologram of the woman's brain up, and she said that the synapses of her brain were firing in a way that was common with dreaming."

"Which means the woman might be remembering things...that's good, right?"

The image of the woman's bloodied legs came to Bucky's mind, and he tightened his grip on his phone, muttering.

"I don't...I don't know. Some of the images that Shuri was able to capture of the woman's dreams and memories...they weren't pleasant."

Steve was quiet for a moment, and he replied with a stern tone of voice.

"We'll get this figured out and we'll find out who she is. If not...then we can help her become a new person...a completely clean slate."

Bucky didn't comment on the way that Steve said 'we' and instead rubbed a hand over his face, muttering.

"The CIA seems to have a super soldier project, but it's not confirmed that the CIA had any volunteers that we know of...it's mainly rumors and ideas."

Bucky added as he watched T'Challa and Shuri leave down the opposite hall, their steps quick and purposeful.

"It's possible there were HYDRA agents within that stole information on the serum, or the serum itself, that the CIA was concocting and grabbed some random woman off of the side of the street. They, as well as HYDRA, have the ability to scrub a person completely off of the radar, and nobody is gonna be looking for a nobody."

Steve was firm, and Bucky knew the man had to be shaking his head at him as Steve slightly scolded him.

"That's not true. There's always going to be someone...we just don't know if that someone is alive or dead. According to that book we found, she's been an active soldier for HYDRA since 1985, and who knows how long she was there before she was created. 30 years is a long time."

"Yeah? Try 70."

Steve was quiet, and Bucky apologized quietly, revealing gently.

"Sorry...I'm sorry...it's just...it's a lot."

Steve's voice was gentle with patience, making Bucky furrow his brows as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I know, Bucky, but I'm with you till the end of the line. You know you can call me at any time and talk to me."

"I know. I'm with you till the end of the line, too, pal."

Steve then groaned gently when the sound of an explosion went through the phone, and he was quick to inform Bucky.

"Hey, I gotta go. Queens just crashed in. Literally. Call me if you get any updates, and I'll call you if I get one first."

Before Bucky could respond, the line went dead, and Bucky shook his head and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Walking back into the lab, Bucky came to stand in front of the cryostasis pod.

Hands within his pockets, he stared at the woman, gazing at the scars that covered her lower jaw and neck, and he watched as the live feed of her brain began to become active again.

An alert showed up along with a video, and Bucky was astounded to realize that it was a live feed of the dream the woman was currently having. It was a bit jarring to watch, bits and pieces becoming jumbled and blurry, and then it began to become clear.

The woman was standing before a man that Bucky knew very well, his face crystal clear to him and sparking rage deep within his chest. Bucky watched as Rollins spoke to her, and though there was no audio to be able to hear what he was saying, Bucky knew it wasn't pleasant.

Rollins seemed angry, walking back and forth in front of her before striking her down with a baton, the view shifting to the floor as the soldier fell and blood splattered onto the ground as if the woman had coughed.

From there, it only got worse, and Bucky had to turn away the second the soldier began to unbuckle the man's belt with bloodied hands, his anger becoming too much. Anger, regret, recognition, it was too much for Bucky to handle.

He could feel his chest restricting, could feel the oxygen becoming harder to breathe, and a tingling sensation began to grow within his toes and fingers.

Flashes began to appear within his own mind, images of the Enforcer's hosing his naked body with ice-cold water before they began to touch him; reaching for places he didn't want to be touched.

He could feel their teeth in his flesh, could hear the echoes of their taunts as they laughed menacingly, and Bucky squeezed his eyes shut as he began to tremble and feel disgusted by his own body. A voice within his head began to speak to him gently; familiar and comforting as it guided him.

Breathe, Bucky.

In and out. Slowly. You are not their tool anymore. They can't hurt you. You're free.

Bucky repeated the words in his head over and over, as many times as he could.

I'm free. I'm free. I'm free. I am James Buchanan Barnes. I am Bucky.

Swallowing thickly, it took a little while for his heartrate to settle, and he stood upright, rubbing his chest slightly. Closing his eyes, Bucky could feel the tears starting to well up within his eyes, and he took a few more deep breaths.

Turning back to the screen, he was thankful that the image was gone. Instead, the woman seemed to be dreaming of a wooded area, the point-of-view looking down at a plaque that was placed within stone In the peripheral vision, there was a little kid's hand that was grabbing at one of the flowers that was surrounding the plaque.

It was so peculiar to Bucky to the point that he was completely jarred out of his panic. Squinting, he began to realize that this plaque was familiar, especially when the name on the plaque became clear.

Meltzer Woods.

He knew that name and place. In fact, Bucky could recall the trails like the back of his hand, could still smell the wildflowers, and if Bucky really thought hard enough, he could still hear the way his mother scolded him as Rebecca became upset by Bucky teasing her.

"Come, now, James. Leave your little sister alone."

He could still remember the way Rebecca had squealed, though time had taken away what exactly she had panicked over. He recalled that his mother had placed her hands on her hips, giving him a stern gaze when Bucky had talked back to her; exasperated as Rebecca began to cry.

"But Ma, we're in the woods! Of course there's going to be bugs!"

"Now, don't you give me that lip. You don't want your father to hear, do you?"

The memory slowly faded, but Bucky was too floored to care.

What had the soldier been doing in Shelbyville, Indiana? Did she know the place like he did? Was this from a time before she had been with HYDRA?

"You look as though you have seen a ghost!"

Shuri was back, giving him an odd look as Bucky stared at the woman in the cryostasis pod, and all Bucky could respond with was-

"I think I did."

-

STORY NOTES: Shuri has been working endlessly to get past HYDRA's programming. She is verbally and visibly frustrated, which Bucky becomes concerned about as he greets her. Shuri reveals that she had lost track of time because of HYDRA's programming continuously throwing up more firewalls that try to activate the soldier every time she managed to break through another.

Bucky comments that HYDRA seems to have updated their algorithms since his departure. Shuri then shows Bucky a live feed of the digital rendition of the soldier's brain, telling Bucky to list off what he observes. Bucky observes that the activity within the brain looks like a lightning storm, which Shuri agrees and elaborates.

It is revealed that the soldier is currently dreaming despite being in cryostasis, and Shuri reveals that she has developed a technology that allows her to be able to show what a person is dreaming about. Using this technology on the soldier, however, reveals the gruesome treatment HYDRA inflicted and the brutality of the Winter Soldier.

Shuri's technology is able to access and project dreams in the same way, and she shows Bucky a memory the soldier had about receiving a medal. Bucky recognizes the medal, and it's revealed that the Winter Soldier had been involved with the CIA at some point on a professional level.

T'Challa makes a recommendation to Bucky to get in touch with Steve, and Bucky agrees. He reflects on the advancements of communications technology and how he had to speak to an operator to call his sister when he was still int he ARMY. Bucky then tells Steve about what Shuri had found, and he also reveals that the woman is dreaming.

After his phone call, Bucky goes back to the lab and is angry when he is shown a memory that the soldier is currently remembering of her Handler, which Bucky recognizes as Jack Rollins. Bucky begins to experience a PTSD episode where he begins to remember when Enforcers sexually assaulted him during a hose-down.

Once he calms down, Bucky recognizes a place that the soldier is now dreaming of: Meltzer Woods. He recalls a memory of him, his parents, and his little sister going to the trails all of the time since Meltzer Woods is located in his hometown of Shelbyville, Indiana, and when Shuri comes in and comments about how Bucky looks as though he's seen a 'ghost', he comments that he might have. End Scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

Isithunzi - Xhosa for [the] shadow/shade

TAGLIST: @mgchaser @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @aash3

[do-you-have-a-flag]

sorry to come back to this but this truly fascinates and concerns me for so many reasons

obligatory "Ah sweet. Man-made horrors beyond my comprehension." comment

so first of all: brain organoids. which are grown from human stem cells into just little brains with underdeveloped eyes, they have a lifespan of about 100 days because they are an organ without a system.

these brain organoids are something that have a lot of potential when it comes to studying any number of things. just off the top of my head i would think- the process of human development, disease studies, healing tissue development, foetal and premature development of consciousness, ect ect ect i'm not informed on this type of research so i will freely admit idk.

and they are using 16 at a time as processors with computer chips. okay sure, scifi aside, the structure of an organ being used for it's complexity compared to the limitations of material and efficiency in current technology makes sense. if it helps imagine if a branch or a kidney were hooked up to a computer chip and we found out that it worked as good or better than mechanical processors for a fraction of the energy use. i am also not informed on how most technology works, please keep in mind, but i am also not opposed to the idea of combining these types of technologies in theory. and the biggest downfall currently is short shelf-life of the organoids required.

but the thing is, i think, that this is specifically an early development of a brain, at what point is consciousness defined? there is no sensory system beyond the basic light perception of the eyes and the input to the brain but at what point is the responses automatic and at what point is it complex enough to be aware in some abstract way. this question is one that can be applied to any form of animal of course.... but i think also that it is strange that these organoids are being specifically developed from human stem cells and not any number of other animal as a brain is a brain and at the small scale they are growing these organoids most of the speculative benefits of human logic are irrelevant- they are operating at pre mature infant levels which could just as easily be achieved by any number of apes cells surely?

is there going to be a developmental cut off for these organoids? at what point of biological development is the ethical ick factor for consciousness? because of how stem cells are able to be harvested in a non destructive fashion things like lab grown meat make sense to me- those are consumed but can also offset the requirements for the meat industry- and if these organoids are also grown from stem cells that's great but at what point is making that many to be burnt through as processors a wasteful use when there are other possible avenues of study? the wide commercial release of such experimental tech seems a little risky considering how quickly new technologies are exploited- just look at bitcoin farms and ai scraping- for the sake of profit with no care for ethical implementation or construction or impact.

this is a weird post from me but sorry i just have some questions i want you the person reading this to think about with me, seperate to any deep reading of the science because i wanna focus on the personal reaction to the concepts, (feel free to read the science tho i encourage it) just something to chew on i'm not expecting any philosophically concrete answers:

would you use the brain organoid processor tech if you had the chance?

why?

Why is it important that these have to be grown from human stem cells

where is the line between organ and being/consciousness

let's contend: there is the world (physical) and there is the senses (contact with the physical) and there is the experience (interpretation)

is it the senses or the experience that makes a creature conscious? how complex do the senses need to be before the experience is positive or negative?

where is that experiencial definition? is it as simple as feels good feels bad?

is it the tendency to circulate repeatedly on the same neural pathway? how are those neurological reactions controlled? are they controlled?

how do you feel about scientific testing on humans?

how do you feel about scientific testing on animals?

how do you feel about scientific testing on plants?

how do you feel about scientific testing on fungi?

how do you feel about scientific testing on single celled organisms?

how do you feel about scientific testing on organs?

how do you feel about scientific testing on technology?

what do you consider the line to be for ethical research? is it funding? is it theory versus practice? is it use of information? is it method of data collection? is it intent? is it implementation? is it within a limitation of precedent? is it within a limitation of subject? are there areas you think should be left alone on principle? why?

what level of complexity is required for the question of consent of participant?

where should limitations be imposed on use? why would limitations be necessary? who has the right to information? who has the right to profit?

Who is profiting from these studies? where will this technology be used? who is competing with this technology? what other technologies might this impact? will other technologies using the same concept adhere to the same limitations/ethics?

do you think everyone using the brain organoid based processors for $500pcm are thinking about these questions? should they have to?

disclaimer: i am uneducated and uninformed in the fields of science and technology so this is one hundo percent a personal response to information i have very little context for. But i also think it's important to think actively about technology and avoid complacency about the way it impacts our lives so doing little thought exercises in response to articles like this is, I think, a good thing.

[ego-meliorem-esse]

Could you talk a bit about Matthew and Alfred relationship? Our boys need love too

The lads! The fellas! The absolute units!

Bear with me here I wanna give a little bit of a context and a personal explanation as to why I'm really fascinated with these two countries in general.

If there is one nationfolk relationship that comes as close to pure and friendly as it possibly can, it would be the Us-Can one. Of course, it has major problems and unavoidable disputes. But let me tell you, as a balkan, ex-yugoslav cretin, I cannot help but be intriqued with the way these two comunicate. They make fun of eachother sure, they have disputes and squables, sometimes outright clashes, but when there is crisis in the US for example, all I hear is Americans straight up saying "ok well time to move to Canada". It's fascinating to me! As a Croat who, after returning from Serbia from a 3 day trip, brought home souveniers (key chains mostly, with the Serbian flag) I was yelled at by my dad who afterwards didn't talk to me for a few days. All because I dared to bring this enemy countrys flag into our home. Now, I was born in 1999. I have no connection to the war 8 years prior. No excusable, personal vandetta. But still it' s very much acceptable to hate so strongly. And even if it wasn't 8 years that passed, but 80, there still would be a widely accepted resentment. But alas, I am not talking about people, cus frankly people are just people. Alliances and relations between countries are another thing. Imagine sharing a huge fucken border with another country and being friends. My euro brain is imploding. Uncomprehensible.

Now I do understand the US is often described as a bit of a phycho, and frankly Canada is an expert at dealing with the phycho. Kudos. Keep the yanks from whipping out their home protection assault rifles and unleashing hell fire is risky shit. Canada manages tho. What I'm really interested in is the USA's view of Canada. They aren't a threat. They aren't suspicious. They are a force to be reckoned with tho, but they are friends. If there is one ally the USA can rely on its the maple sucking french/anglo bastards up north. So much history in such a short time. Fascinating.

To relate this to the bros, I think these two understand eachother better than most. Matt is quiet, obsetvand and passive (mostly), while his unit of a brother is loud, idealistic and prone to thinking the world owes him time on the world stage. And it works. Matt is the one to talk to his brother in a way that gets Alfred to listen. H speaks Alfreds language and can communicate with him freely. I think that that is a skill and in the modern era, a privilage that not many have. Not many dare to tell Alfred to his face that he fucked up majorly, but Matt can. He knows he can. Alfred knows he can. So he does. Matt can pull his brother aside after an outburst, and for the lack of a better word, humble him.

Alfred respects his brothers oppinion more then other nations'. He went from seeing Matt as a weak, self-pitying and ambitionless dominion, to accepting his views, ideas and even asking his oppinion on certain matters. I like to draw a parallel here. Matt had to sacrifice everything and himself to have Arthur call him into the war room and ask Matthew for his oppinion. Alfred is not much different. It takes time for Matthews voice to be heard, but when the time comes, it's desperately needed.

Alfred tho, is and always will be Alfred. And if somthing else catches his attention, he will ignore the house on fire across the street. He is prone to isolation and ignoring his brother for extended periods of time, just sending him a tiktok every month or so. That being the only indication to Matt that his brother is alive. Alfred has so much shit going on and his 13 braincells have to spread evenly across to cover it all. His brother is a constant in his life, stable and therefore forgotten.

That being said, I don't think there is another person on Earth Alfred loves more than his brother. Showing it is not something he ever learned tho. He knows he cannot buy his way into showing his love for Matt, so with his lack skills of other forms of love expressions, he does nothing.

As for Matt, he checks up on Alfred as much as he can. His history and past have tought him to expect nothing form the people he loves. So he doesn't. He knows Alfred is his closest ally and best friend, but doesn't ask for anything Alfred himself isn't giving. He is a person who waits to be asked to hang out on Saturday instead of asking his friends himself.

So while almost all I talked about is sad and somewhat negative, I do think the bond and conversations these two share are one of the most honest and true expressions of brotherly love. And by god I usually don't use the world love when describing nation-folk relationships, but in this case there isn't a replacement.

sorry for the personal shit and Alfred slander, I love him.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Okay, a good amount of time has passed, and after having seen this post by @weretiger-be-my-horse , I've been turning it over and over in my brain going absolutely feral over this concept. I need to expand upon my thoughts on this idea and all the evidence there is pointing towards it, whether that be actual tangible things, or purely strong vibes I have.

First of all, full disclaimer: I did not like the season 5 finale, and how it wrapped up the DoA arc. To say that I "disliked" it is putting it extremely lightly, in fact -- I absolutely hated it, and I am still, to a degree, in disbelief that I actually even watched those 24 minutes with my own two eyes, and that it somehow wasn't a complete fever dream. While I'm not going to go in long-winded detail into all the ways that I feel like the finale almost completely bastardized all of its featured characters and destroyed any and all buildup we've had going on in this arc for 50 some chapters now, because that's not the main point of this post, I will not make any attempt to hide the fact that the theory-crafting I'm about to pose here is partly influenced and prompted by how much I hated the finale, and how much I desperately hope that it will not end up being manga canon. Therefore, if you enjoyed the finale — and that's fine! — and don't want to read any negativity about it, then I would not recommend reading any further (I mean, you've probably already left by this point, which is fair lol), While obviously it's important that I be as objective and unbiased as possible when explaining my thoughts, some of my negative feelings about the writing will be a part of this analysis, even if this isn't going to be a full-blown rant. Just know that if you proceed.

With that out of the way, let me continue.

So. In the aforementioned post, the theory presented is that the anime may be operating on an alternate timeline, and that this will become evident once we read the upcoming October chapter, wherein things will go completely differently post-chapter 110 than they do in the final episode — probably for the worse, with the s5 finale intending to lull us into a false sense of security and make us assume that everything in the manga arc finale will wrap up as smoothly and consequence-freely(? lol) as it did in the anime one. It also suggests that the Fukuchi we see at the very end that sskk are fighting came from the manga timeline, where he won, and that he used the Book to jump to a timeline where he lost, the anime one, proven by the fact that this Fukuchi is wearing a mask with the same design on it as the mask Fukuchi is wearing on the chapter 110 DoA color spread/title page.

First of all, I want to note the fact that it's not just the mask design that's the same: the entire outfit is roughly more or less the same as well. It's not completely 1-to-1, because the anime can never fully match the intricacies of Harukawa's beautiful outfit designs, and the Fukuchi in this scene has the kimono half-off because of the... super saiyan mode he's in, but most all of the main pieces of clothing are there. Any small inaccuracies could also be attributed to the fact that Harukawa probably didn't have this finalized art ready back when this episode was being made, so the animators wouldn't have had the complete design to work off of. But in general, because it's all so similar, I think we can quite confidently say that the ending episode Fukuchi is meant to be the one from this manga art.

Also, people have pointed this out, but it's worth mentioning that the mask Asagiri wore at Anime Expo in July was referencing this Fukuchi. It's not a crucial detail, but it just proves more that Asagiri is a gigantic fucking troll, and that he clearly wanted to draw attention to this Fukuchi design. It's important. He describes the mask here as made in the motif of an ellipses inside a speech bubble... could that perhaps be referencing meta aspects, like the Book?

Next, I want to talk about the even bigger elephant in the room, which to me is the most damning and undeniable piece of evidence there is of the anime operating on a completely separate timeline from the manga:

This Fucking Hand™️

As we all know, in the anime, Fyodor injures his hand when the password input device blows up, and as we all know, this does not happen in the manga. In the last episode, Dazai claims that the final nail in the coffin of his impromptu plan to kill Fyodor relied on this hand injury: because Fyodor couldn't pilot his escape helicopter himself, he would ask one of his Meursault vampires to do it for him, unaware that Bram and thus this vampire was now on the ADA's side, and said vampire could kill him while his guard was down.

Ignoring how utterly stupid and contrived this plan is when you stop and think about it for more than two seconds, the fact of the matter is that something that initially seemed like nothing more than an odd but inconsequential anime original addition ended up snowballing into being the entire reason one of the big bads was brought down. If Fyodor hadn't hurt his hand, he wouldn't have needed another pilot, and so the traitor vampire wouldn't have had an opportunity to get near him and kill him without him expecting it even though said vampire was presumably with him as they were leaving Meursault, and was probably already a traitor by then, so there was plenty opportunity for him to still die. not to mention by Chuuya's hands at literally any time he wanted to, because Chuuya was coherent the whole time. Also there's absolutely no way Dazai could have known exactly what Ranpo would do, no matter how smart he is and how much he trusts him. idk it's fucking dumb, just roll with it. Therefore, putting aside all other variables for now, we can conclude that, on the most basic level, this signifies that no hand wound = no death.

And let me tell you, this hand wound bothers me. It really, really does. Because they focus on it a LOT — they go out of their way to draw attention to it MULTIPLE TIMES, from the moment it first happens to the end of the season. Fyodor even talks about it to himself, about Dazai being able to cause him tangible, visible, bodily harm, (something that, again, as far as we've seen, has never happened in the manga). Hell, even after Fyodor's death, they're still drawing attention to it, because his right arm is all of him that survives, and Dazai picks it up and gives it to Nikolai to do his hilarious sad little gay fondling of it played completely straight even though there's nothing straight going on here at all! It's like it's a big red flashing sign at all times going "you see this injured hand? This is important. Are you picking up that it's important? Are you taking note of it?" Why is that? Obviously, it serves to give us the lore crumbs about Fyodor and "that man", but that's hardly the main, much more glaring reason, as I've already mentioned.

Fyodor doesn't hurt his hand in the manga. Fyodor won't die here in the manga. I am so dead serious by this point about this, and it's not just simply the fact that this was absolutely not at all the time for him to die, or the fact that his hand is the reason for his death in the anime in and of itself, but how much EMPHASIS they place on this, and on the hand in general. What would be the point of adding something like this, if it's not meant to alert us to the fact that it has a major impact on how the story plays out? We all know Bones: they struggle to get right and include everything that's already there in the source material; they would never go out of their way to add something this noteworthy if there wasn't a very good reason for it, if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I've seen a few people bring up the fact that Fyodor gets shot in the shoulder by Sigma and that that could lead to the same outcome in the manga, but I disagree: although he has blood on his shoulder in the manga, it seems like the bullet just grazed the top of it, because his arm and hand appears completely functional afterwards (not hanging limp by his side or anything). But that doesn't even matter, because this isn't even about the semantics/logistics of how the hand wound caused Fyodor's death because again, it's a stupid outcome, or what could serve as a substitute in the manga — thematically, this is a textbook example of the butterfly effect. Countless parallel universes exist within this series, ones where even the most minute differences lead to a majorly different outcome: this just happens to be one of them. There's no reason to think it isn't, and there's no reason to not think that the anime wants us to clue into the fact that things only went as smoothly as they did on the Meursault side because of this wound; in other words, that things will go very differently in the manga thanks to the absence of said wound. They wouldn't have added it in the first place and put such clearly deliberate emphasis on it otherwise.

Things are going to happen very differently in the manga, at least when it comes to the Meursault crew (but then, if you assume that, you then naturally assume it all will be very different). This is the only conclusion one can come to with the presentation of this anime-only wound, combined with the fact that parallel universes are a very real thing in BSD.

I'm going to go on a bit of a tangent, so bear with me. I play a lot of visual novels, and although such concepts aren't really as original now as they were a while ago, some of my favorite and some of the very best VNs out there are the ones that break the fourth wall and make the visual novel branching route format directly intertwined with the story: you know, the ones where the characters go "if only I had done things differently, maybe everything would have turned out better...!" in a wink wink nudge nudge moment, and the ones where the characters are aware of the different timelines, even, or even have the ability to gain information from their selves in said alternate timelines to influence events in their current one (I'm intentionally not naming the games I'm thinking of for the sake of spoilers, but if you know, you know lmao). It gets very meta in this regard, and this is how I started viewing BSD through the lens of ever since I first learned about Beast: like a visual novel with many branching routes, and only a few routes that feel entirely "right".

When I first read Dazai's Entrance Exam, I was struck by how unnerving the ending sequence in the abandoned hospital felt. Obviously, Kunikida's internal struggle over Sasaki's actions and motives is him still desperately clinging to his ideal world that does not exist, but the specific type of phrases he uses — "who is wrong?" "[who is] the cause of all this?" "there has to be an ideal world" "there has to be something, I'm sure of it" "There must have been something we could have done!" — and the framing of the scene in general, is eerily reminiscent of a bad ending in a visual novel, to me. There's a haunting, looming, bleak sense that a different outcome could have been achieved, if different decisions had been made, or if things outside of anyone's control had been different... and we know that this is true, because in Beast alone, Kunikida never goes through the Azure Messenger incident, because Dazai doesn't have his entrance exam. Hell, you could even consider the anime's version of the Azure Messenger arc an alternate timeline in of itself, if you really wanted to, long before we even arrive at season 5.

When it comes to Beast, this timeline has almost the opposite feeling of what I described above, that I've also encountered in visual novels: the idea of a "good route" or "good ending" that still doesn't feel quite earned, or as perfect as one would expect. Beast is presented as the "ideal" timeline purely for one sole reason: Oda is alive. It is the only timeline where he's alive, and keeping Oda alive is the ultimate goal Dazai wants to achieve, the only reason this timeline exists; therefore, disregarding all else, Beast should be the best timeline, because Oda's death is the greatest devastation in the series to date. We all want him to live, so why wouldn't the timeline where he does be the best one? And yet... of course, it isn't. Dazai is alone, and steeped in darkness and loneliness without Oda, and dies by the end of the story for Oda's continued living. Atsushi has Kyouka still, but he's suffering and more traumatized, and unable to heal while stuck in the mafia, and neither can Kyouka. Akutagawa is living a much better life in the ADA... but without his sister, and without what he has from his bond with Atsushi in canon, that isn't replicated in Beast. And Oda... Oda is alive, and he has his children and his novel, but there is a feeling that he is aimless, that something in his life is missing. He has everything he ever wanted, but all that means nothing without what he truly needs: Dazai, and his time with Dazai and Ango at the bar. In this way, things going well and us getting what we want — in this case, Oda living — goes against how it's supposed to be, the natural order, which is why it feels so hollow. In the specific visual novel I'm thinking of here as a comparison (again, shoutout if you know), there's an alternate ending that involves you inputting information you gain at the end of the game very early on in the game, wherein the protagonist now has memories of the future and is able to bypass and prevent all of the events that take place normally. This means that people who die or are hurt somehow in general are saved from that fate, and nothing bad ever occurs; everything wraps up neatly and nicely... but again, there's an undeniable, unsettling feeling of emptiness, of a victory that rings hollow, because what's the point if everything is simply handed to you easily, where's the sense of accomplishment, without any struggles to achieve said victories, or any growth along the way? How can it feel earned if one doesn't have to, in Dazai's words, "scream within the storm of uncertainty, and run with flowing blood"?

You can probably already see where I'm going with this.

This finale feels weird. Really, really weird. It feels too cheap, too simple, too unsatisfying. So much so, in fact, that for almost the entire runtime, as I was bombarded with resolution upon resolution one after another, I kept thinking "There's no way this can be real. Where's the catch? When is the "gotcha!" moment gonna happen? The "it was all a dream" reveal?". And this isn't just because I hated the writing, and that it really did feel like a fever dream watching fanfic levels of bad (actually, that's an insult to fanfic writers, tbh; they could do better) — no, it genuinely feels so incredibly fake. Even upon rewatching it and already knowing what happens, my brain still naturally keeps expecting some kinda of "sike, you THOUGHT!" moment to suddenly appear. It just.... feels "too good to be true". Dazai and Chuuya come out unscathed, and it's revealed that they were never in any real danger to begin with. Fyodor, one of our biggest threats, is dealt with supposedly for good (I say "supposedly" only because of the Jesus line, but if anything imo, I think that's just a hint that this won't be the canon ending in the manga, so in a sense he's going to "come back to life"), and Nikolai seems somewhat at peace with his death. The other biggest threat, Fukuchi, is also dealt with, and he and Fukuzawa get their final moment together of closure. Yes, Sigma is left in Meursault don't even get me started on how angry this alone makes me, and Fukuzawa loses Fukuchi, but overall, everything is portrayed in a positive light, and any negatives or losses are quickly glossed over. Everything is tied up nicely, neatly, and smoothly. ...And that is exactly what makes it feel so wrong, and hard to trust in.

I'm not sure if this will make sense, but to me, the finale is so incredibly poorly written that it almost feels.... intentional. It's so bad to the point of feeling self-aware in how bad it is, how unrealistically happy and convenient an ending it is. It had to end this neatly in order to rush to wrap up this arc for the season finale and not leave the last episode on a cliffhanger — which imo is chiefly the main reason it turned out this way, and, if this whole theory is true, Asagiri just used it to his advantage — and I'm not saying this was probably an effect Bones had in mind intentionally, I'm sure they just threw shit at the wall and went with whatever stuck, maaaaybe with some suggestions/approval from Asagiri, but the result is that you have a conclusion that contradicts so much of what was set up before and goes against so many character arcs, making some characters so out of character and even regressing in their development Dazai. I'm talking about Dazai abandoning Sigma, because he would never; hashtag #NOTMYDAZAI. Also Nikolai, Nikolai for most of that is so ooc I can't even begin to describe it oh my god. Everyone is OOC to a degree though lmao, and opens so many plot holes, to the point that it's impossible not to watch all that and get the feeling that it is subtly saying to you "did you really think it could be this easy? It feels wrong, doesn't it? It doesn't feel satisfying. It feels unearned." I find it incredibly interesting and suspicious in particular that they confirmed multiple theories people had about soukoku in Meursault: that Chuuya slowed the elevator's fall so that Dazai wouldn't die from it, that Chuuya slowed down the bullet so that it only penetrated Dazai's skin and not his skull, and that the both of them used Fyodor's camera angle to their advantage because they knew he wouldn't be able to see certain things from his view. I'm not saying that Asagiri trawled BSD twitter and tumblr after those chapters dropped for the most popular theories before the final episode was made lmao, there was no time for that (imagine though lol—), but I do think it's highly likely that he already had in mind exactly what theories would be made about these parts (I mean, the evidence for the gun scene was all there), and that Dazai rattling them off in his long monologue to Fyodor at the end is essentially him speaking to the audience and going "yeah, that's what you would predict, right? Those are the clichés, after all", much like him suggesting earlier that he can maybe bring Chuuya back to himself with a few moving words and the power of friendship, and Fyodor using the split personalities trope to fool Sigma. We expect these tropes to be true. Of course we'd fall for them, as Fyodor tells Sigma, especially if the evidence is right there. But Asagiri himself has explicitly said that he likes doing the opposite of what people expect. And so just because people predicted correctly with the three things I mentioned in this timeline... doesn't mean they'll be true in the manga's. Things happened how we wanted and expected it to, and everything turned out happily. So we can relax now, right? Everything will work out just as easily in the manga, right? Or... is the reason most of this finale feels so fake and unsettling and unsatisfying because it's meant to lull us into a false sense of security before all our heroes lose in the manga? Because deep down, we don't want an ending that's this simple, because we'd rather have a conclusion where our characters have struggled more and grown more and come out the better for it, and we know it?

After rewatching the episode a lot, and watching some other videos, and doing a lot of thinking, I am pretty confident in suspecting that the only part of this finale that is actually from manga canon, aside from Aya jumping off the building of course, is Fyodor and Nikolai's exchange after Fyodor leaves Meursault — specifically, them talking about Fyodor leaving Sigma behind, and their "new game" and Nikolai being excited at the prospect of it. This little conversation actually feels in character for them, and it's easy to tell this when contrasting it with everything that happens immediately after, wherein Fyodor is fatally stabbed, and Nikolai, completely at odds with what he was just talking about, just... stands there and watches Fyodor die while Dazai monologues lmao. I'm not sure if the helicopter is still a factor, but I would bet good money on Fyolai getting out of Meursault being manga canon, and that Dazai and Chuuya getting out as well and killing Fyodor + everything with FukuFuku, is part of the anime original ending, in order to wrap up everything positively. It makes much more sense if you think about, in reality (aka in the manga), Dazai and Chuuya still being left behind in Meursault (where they can eventually try to get Sigma), because none of it was an act and things did not go according to plan, and Fukuchi having an entirely different goal that doesn't feel so stupid and contradictory to his character, and Fukuzawa possibly dying — everyone seemingly loses, with Aya still being the last hope, perhaps by awakening her ability like we all speculated.

There's a youtuber I watch who covers BSD in-depth, despite being an anime-only (she reads the respective manga content after each season, though). Going into this finale, she knew about the fact that the anime had overtaken the manga, though she didn't know where the cutoff point was; despite that, however, she made predictions about what was from the manga so far and what was anime original, and it was almost entirely spot-on, based mostly on what she basically described as "anime original dialogue." She talked about how you can always tell when dialogue is veering into the realm of anime-original, because the sentences are very short, choppy, and slightly out of character, but generic enough to not be TOO out of character, and so that anyone can easily write said lines, even if they're not extremely familiar with the character like the original author would be. And when I heard this explanation, everything clicked — because so much of this finale has dialogue like that. The Fyolai scenes just feel peppered with it, around the lines I mentioned earlier, the Dazai dialogue does too, and ESPECIALLY shit at the end like Fukuchi and Fukuzawa exchanging the cliche death lines to end all death lines: "Are you there? I'm a little tired." "Rest up." That just isn't Bungou Stray Dogs. That isn't Asagiri. BSD is cheesy at times, yes, but it isn't like this; it's smarter. The dialogue is smarter, the explanations/plot twists are smarter, Asagiri is smarter, and the aforementioned youtuber I watched agreed. She's a pretty casual fan of the series, so if even she could pick up on these things, I think it speaks volumes.

I mentioned this briefly earlier, but this theory makes sense if you consider that this situation probably came about because of Bones wanting two seasons back-to-back when they did, and this arc being as long as it is. Season 3 aired in 2019, and I imagine Bones would have wanted season 4 in 2020, and might have then been willing to wait a bit longer for season 5 in order for more of this arc's manga chapters to come out — but then covid happened. Because of that, season 4 was delayed to 2023, creating the longest gap we've had between seasons, and I wouldn't at all be surprised if the delay made them want season 5 right together with it, after getting so far "behind", so to speak. S4 was announced in November of 2021, and roughly around that time, Asagiri was finishing up writing the plot of the DoA arc. If Bones came to him sometime in late 2021 and said they wanted two seasons now (so basically, one giant two cour season), Asagiri would know that not only of course would this arc not be finished publishing in the manga for a very long time yet, but that roughly 20ish episodes would not be enough to cover it all to the end, with this arc being longer than any arc the anime has adapted to date. Because of all this, and the arc manga chapters being nowhere near fully drawn to completion, he'd have to make a decision about what to do, and what to give Bones. Without ending season 5 on a massive cliffhanger that wouldn't be resolved for years until an eventual season 6, the only other option would be to rush towards an anime-original ending for the DoA arc.... and for Asagiri to take advantage of that, and integrate it into BSD's lore. Thereby creating a truly unique cross-media experience that utilizes the different mediums to create multiple timelines, that could make both the anime and manga interact with each other and become part of a bigger picture (not that you'd need to see both to get the full experience, mind you, just that it'd provide a little bonus if you did).... and would without a doubt be Asagiri's biggest surprise yet.

...I feel like at this point I'm starting to ramble, and my evidence become more and more incoherent and less substantial lmao, so I should probably end this post. 💀 Thank you if you've read this far, and hopefully it made some semblance of sense, despite not being structured very well; I know I promised at the start to try to be as objective as possible and curb my negative feelings, but I'm not sure how well I succeeded in that regard. If it weren't for the Fukuchi thing and the Fyodor hand thing, I probably wouldn't take how wrong and strange and bad the finale feels to me as serious evidence about it being an alternate timeline, especially since I seem to be one of the only people who actually hates all of it.... but combined with everything else, I am just so convinced of this theory being true. It started off as pure copium, but as more time has gone on, I fully, 100% believe in my bones (ha) that there is no way that finale is the same Bungou Stray Dogs I know and love, for so many reasons. It just isn't. It can't be. I know BSD better than this, I know Asagiri better than this, and I know that it's absolutely in the realm of possibility for him to cook up this whole scheme to completely blindside us with in the upcoming chapters, because that's exactly the kind of shit Mr. "Please Be Surprised!" himself would pull. If I end up being completely wrong, I guess I'm wrong, and you can laugh at me all you want then.... but I just know that ages ago people were teasing the idea of the anime operating on a different timeline from the manga, and I truly do think that only now are we finally seeing that idea come to fruition, as a setup for Asagiri going full-bore insanity with the Book in the upcoming arc(s). if I and the OP of that theory end up right, this will be the wildest time in the BSD fandom's history.

Like. I cannot even emphasize how hard they are trolling us at this point. Something is going on. Something is being cooked over there, the likes of which we've never seen before... and I don't think any of us are ready for it.

Oh yeah, and one last thing of note: both Fyodor and Nikolai here have their right arms hidden from view. Is that alluding to anything? I'm not sure. I also think that since chapter 110 was so short, next chapter will likely be 110.5 instead of 111, and if that's the case, this title spread could still technically be associated with the next chapter... wherein we might see this Fukuchi, who ends up wreaking havoc, right before he jumps to the timeline in the anime, as we see him at the end of the s5 finale.

I guess we'll find out on Tuesday.

[billowingangel]

Welcome ✧

I've been into hetalia since 2016 and for a while I tried to pretend I didn't like it....And I'm tired of living that lie! So I'm back to thinking, loving, obsessing, and writing about Hetalia.

I also block very freely and I'd rather people be 18+ to interact (since occasionally I may post nsfw/nsft which I will always tag)

I'm currently working on a few fanfictions which you can find on AO3 and FF.net

My favorite character is Canada 🍁 And I ship him with pretty much anyone...and I mean anyone...If that makes you uncomfortable please feel free to block this blog or the tags associated with ships you are uncomfortable with. I may at times reblog problematic ships, I'll add tags for the ship and a cw for the problematic element of the ship. Please take care of your mental health and curate your online space to what is best for you ♡ ˎˊ˗

more information below the canada picture

Wow, you clicked continue reading so here's more annoying stuff about me and this blog (^_^)

I spam reblog, mostly fanart (so many in this fandom are so talented!) and miscellaneous things (memes, random shit, writing tips, etc).

I'll occasionally post some of my own fanfictions (drabbles or links to them)

I also will post my rambling silly thoughts. I have decided to let myself loose and be as annoying authentic as possible here.

Also I will do my best to tag content/trigger warnings but I may forget (memory of a goldfish) so if I do please let me know

Here are some tags I use on this blog to organize (still working on what tags to use) ᯓ★

#art reblog ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡): self explanatory

#hetalia fanart ✨: reblogs of hetalia fanart

#canon tbh: posts that I see as accurate to character's personalities, how I perceive them, and how I think they'd act

#hetalia fanfiction:

#hetalia meme:

#positivity: posts and reblogs that are positiive

#misc: posts that are surprisingly not related to hetalia

#me core: reblogs that I really relate to

#fanfic imagine: imagining a fanfiction and maybe i'll write or finish the idea

#fanfic in progress: my thoughts during the process of writing fanfiction, debating whether I should do this or that, talking about what I plan to do, blah blah

#my fanfic: fanfiction that I have written, usually a link to ao3 but may also be to ff.net

I also mostly tag hetalia characters as hws so if you look up hws canada (for example) you'll be able to see all posts about that character

Some of my favorite posts of mine ┈─★

Now more about me which is why you're reading this (I'm just kidding)

Call me angel or anything really I don't care what I'm called (ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ)

Also please feel free to message me!! I love talking to people but I get a bit hestitant about initiating. My discord is billowingangel if you want to talk there!

I'm 20 years old and I go by she/her pronouns and I'm a lesbian I love me some boobs what can I say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I may be a raging homosexual but I'm also a raging hetaliansexual (joke), I am attracted to so many fictional male characters and shockingly a ton of them are from hetalia (shoot me dead)

I love hetalia if that isn't obvious, it's on my brain a probably disturbing amount what can I say I'm mentally ill. I also like other anime (demon slayer <333, jujutsu kaisen, the witch and the beast, parasyte, etc), doctor who (so happy there's a new season), yuri manga!!, and other shit. I love horrors and thrillers! I rarely watch romantic comedies but I love reading romance in fanfiction ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm working on my own book (probably my 20th book) but I'm hoping to actually finish this one.

I am also working on multiple fanfictions: red means it's completed

off the grid: canada slightly snaps and goes on vacation lol

???:idk what to call it, america, england, and france are all fighting for canada's love and he's oblivious

unhealthy obsession: another country becomes obsessed with canada

Falling for Canada: multiple rarepair oneshots with Canada

My first omegaverse 0.0

a really stupid horror drabble that I posted

amecan week 2024

And I believe that's it~ Maybe I'll add my favorite ships

[shostakobitchh]

I just wanted to let you know that I LOVE your work, I love how you write and unravel emotions in a very natural way and I love how you just let the characters be themselves in the situations you create for them. As an avid fanfic reader, I end up losing interest when characters start acting "out-of-chatacter" as a plot device. I think you have a super rare talent to keep everyone who they are as canonically as possible and yet have them experience out-of-canon situations. Your mind is brilliant and I'm in owe of your creativity!

Ariel and Snape relationship broke and then healed something in me I wasn't even sure I needed fixed in each one of your works.

I admit I've never commented under any creation or wrote to any author not because I don't think it's important to acknowledge them, but because I'm so so embarrassed about bothering people just going on their normal life giving unsolicited opinions about the gift they're giving us freely on their spare time, but here I am (still in anonymous, I am not THAT brave yet). Yet, I think you really really deserve all the public support and love, and it broke my little reader heart seeing older posts about feeling unappreciated. Fanfic writers, and YOU ESPECIALLY, are a treasure. Keep shining bright please!

A not-so-brave-secret-fan

YOU are the treasure ❤️❤️❤️ thank you for sending this, it made my day when I read it back a few times this week. literally so sweet of you to say and send in, I so appreciate this 🥹

I think the thing is that as fic writers, we want to talk about our work and know our work is being talked about. I go through dry spells where I lack creativity because I don’t really have anyone to talk to about the fic and it occupies a lot of my free time, so it becomes a bummer. messages like this feed the brain rot that is aim & ignite, so thank you ❤️

[xlucy-in-the-skyx]

Bloodletting Announcement and Chapter 19 Preview

The long-awaited preview of chapter 19! (Please be gentle. This is pre-edits, pre-polish, pre-everything.) An announcement on the upcoming chapter can be found after the preview!

“I’m in love with you.”  Siobhan lets out a single choked sob, a few more tears rolling down her trembling face. She turns her head away, enough to pull her cheek out of his palm, and cradles their hands to her chest. Gale can feel how her whole body shakes with the effort of reigning herself in, trying desperately to keep from succumbing to the pain.  “What—? What am I supposed to say to that?” Siobhan whimpers. Gale feels as if someone’s punched a hole through his chest, achy and raw and gaping. He’d known that the chance of Siobhan reciprocating his feelings was slim, but there had always been a tiny hope, a possibility that she would. No more. “You don’t have to—I know you share a special bond with Astarion. I won’t pretend that I could ever supplant him in your heart, but I couldn’t—I just needed you to know.” Gale is bereft, adrift in the agony of her rejection. The jagged edges of the wound in his soul burn hot and sharp, the stabbing shooting pain of an exposed nerve.  “This isn’t about him.” Siobhan glares at him, furious, heartbroken tears cascading freely now in uninterrupted lines, “How am I supposed—how can you expect me to—it’s so easy for you to say that to me, to feel that for me, but what am I supposed to do? If I let myself love you, then what am I supposed to do when you’re gone? How—” her breath stutters, “how is that any fair?”  “It’s not,” Gale’s voice breaks over the shoals of his regret for having caused her so much pain. That her reticence to return his feelings has nothing to do with Astarion brings him no comfort at all. "But I couldn’t bear—I needed you to know. I’m sorry.” He’s sorry, yes, but he wouldn’t take it back even if he could. Gale is selfish, and he’ll die selfish, for there isn’t time enough for him to change.  “I hate you,” Siobhan cries quietly, “I hate you because I could love you if you’d given me the time, and you’re throwing it all away. What gives you the right—” another sob rips through her, “t-to make me feel— only for it to all—” “I’m sorry.”

Hi guys! You know how I totally lied and did not update last weekend when I was supposed to? Well I think the delay is going to be so worth it because this chapter is a MONSTER. I'm not even done yet and we're already over 7k words.

What's more, this chapter has got the first real spicy scene of Bloodletting (and by real, I mean honest to god, bona fide penetrative intercourse, lol.) I think it's gonna make y'alls brain melt. Not so much because it's super NSFW (i think it's pretty tame all things considered) but because of the angst/feels of it all. It's certainly making my brain melt.

So, when are y'all gonna get the new chapter? Well, since the actual writing isn't done yet and my beta reader is currently on an airplane, probably not today. Hopefully, I'll have it all done (written, edited, polished, etc.) sometime tomorrow for your reading pleasure. If it looks like that won't be possible, I'll make sure to come on here and let y'all know.

Ao3

[f1rewalk3r]

hello. i have begun writing again

you can sub to my substack or just look at the posts here since im gonna mirror them. https://firewalker9.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web

An Introduction

It is the eve of February 2025, and my year is about to start. That’s not to say I haven’t done anything in January- rather, it has been one of the busiest months of my life- No, it is the start of my year because it is the same time last year that I began to kill my old life.

 I feel no shame in saying there is a fogginess to my memory beyond my own deliberate occlusion of these events. Nevertheless, it remains prudent for me to try and process these things by writing about them- just not right now. No, instead I wish to work to outline the context for this piece and others, past and future.

Hello. I am Rejoyce, formerly Jocelyn. Most of the time, at least, I think. I have been stricken by writer’s block for almost 9 months. It seems only fitting, 3.5 years into my 5 year attempt at a 4 year creative writing degree, that after everything- from the failed graduate survey courses to the vaguely biblical poetry readings to the short stories to the half dozen barely started novel attempts- I have returned to the very subject that gave me writers block, but also that in which I first started writing in all those years ago: non-fiction.

There is, of course, another element, that being the ever-present sword of Damocles hanging over the head of the 2020s transsexual: the current political climate. It would be foolish for me to look around at our current world and say anything other than, “What would Hunter S. Thompson do?” The answer being, of course, a lot of drugs. But he would also write. And thus.

The point of this exercise, (that is, not only to write, but to allow others to read it, especially while it is still in adolescence, still metastasizing), is to further myself in the growth of a new life. “Write more,” is a goal that fits neatly with the rest of my goals for 2025, which I can list as the following:

Finally confront the dark version of myself inside the mirror

Escape the time loop

Discover a cryptid

Let the wound in my heart bleed freely

Develop an extra lobe in my brain

Escape the time loop

Conduct expedition #5 into the House

Make out with as many people as possible (save scandalous fag sex for select few)

Escape the time loop

Get kinkier

These goals seem far more achievable to me then the insurmountable tasks set by the deranged homunculi that live among us like “Eat healthier” and “Go to the gym.” I am above fooling myself with such delusion.

There comes a time when it no longer serves the individual to hide themselves from the world- I believe that time is now. This is true not just of my writing, but of all transsexual art of the 2020s. In the face of the uncaring leviathan, what more can one do then simply say, “I am here. I existed. This is who I was, this is what I thought,” in the hopes that, someday, in a kinder world, they may be remembered.

[kloppinthekop]

Hi Amy!🥰

🍄🦋🪲 - for the ask game

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Okay, the latest thing that popped into my head for Domitrent is that… surprisingly Domi is often quite shy in the bedroom? Or maybe “shy” isn’t the right word but… coquettish, perhaps. Like, he knows what he wants and he is going to get what he wants, but sometimes he’ll play it off like he’s just waiting for Trent to dictate the play (so to speak). A lot of bashful glances, maybe hiding his face in Trent’s neck—or even outside of the bedroom, burrowing his face into Trent’s hoodie when they are sitting on the couch or whatever. I think it would be his way of getting more affection, especially out of someone more stoic like Trent. If he acts all shy and almost a little submissive, it forces Trent to take on a more dominant role, and therefore Domi will get more love and affection than if he took control the whole time.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I very often get obsessed about a certain thing—whether it’s a ship, or a music artist or album, or a particular painting, etc.—but when it comes to people I find it very hard to connect on a deep level? Like it’s weird because I can connect so very deeply to an idea I have about some stranger, some random footballer whom I will never ever meet, and like I’ll twist my brain in circles trying to delve into their perceived psyche or horoscope and such… but then there’s some kind of disconnect with IRL humans. I think maybe it’s because I’m afraid to let other people know too much about me, so it makes it harder to then learn things about them too. I am very not good at being vulnerable, because it is very scary. I’m trying to be better about it and like actually chat more freely with people, but I am 100% not a natural at it!

(Also I think I’ve been trying to work this out in fic form lately, this theme of not being able to communicate one’s inner feelings, especially in my most recent chapter of Dream Come True…)

Anyways, sorry to get all heavy/psychosocial on main lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

“Some time between all the talking and the touching, Jarell thinks he’s only gone and fallen in love with the man. Was it inevitable? Maybe. Ill-advised? Quite possibly. But more and more often Jarell finds himself staring at Virgil, wondering what it would be like to have his hands on him in another situation, to be talked through something more than just team tactics and positions on the field…”

Wheeeee- thanks Meb! 💕🫶

[snnynatural]

NAME lumi

PRONOUNS she/her

MOST ACTIVE MUSES sonny always on both her blogs (this and @snnydcys), second would be kate ( @greatcstarcher ), third is minah considering i am trying to keep her active with her being my very first spn oc and she deserves all da love! ( @antiqsvchotic ), my spn multi is very low ( @thel0re ).

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS i don't even know. i will tell you one thing...i should not have been rping in the beginning stages since i was 13. how does one rp on youtube at that time?? ALL THE QUESTIONS!

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT ooof.... depends on the mood. i would say with angst you will get longer replies from me cause OOOP. with fluff, i cry cause like... it is so nice to have fluffy shit and cry about it. now smut... i have to be comfy with the mun. otherwise i'm more eh.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES always depends on my mood. i prefer medium to long replies because it gives me something to work with. now when it comes to starters? i always start with one liners because i can never think of anything with my dumb dumb brain.

PET PEEVES oh boy.. prepare for a rant! god modding. don't do it, please just don't. superiority. i'm sorry, but we are all here to write our silly little muses. especially with canon characters.. yes, there will be many same characters but each one should be treated with love. no one is better than the other. allow people to write freely. don't make each other feel like you can't be on this hellsite or force them out. it genuinely stresses me out whenever i see it. ship hating. just because you are not a fan of the ship doesn't mean you're allowed to make others feel bad about it. let people ship who they want to ship and let them write their little characters. (unless it's any form of incest or stepcest then i will nope out of this conversation). spamming. i've been in a scenario where i was pressured to respond fast, being spammed every single second, and it was non stop to the point i didn't want to write. allow people to breathe and to get to you on their own time. whitewashing. as a poc, please don't do it. if you are unsure, never be afraid to ask! but don't belittle someone for reaching out to you to tell you that it is whitewashing. as long as both parties are being respectful. if someone is whitewashing, do not attack immediately. just give a little nudge and let them know. ignoring female muses. as writer of only female muses, it gets disheartening. especially when the female muse is oc and poc. love your female muses like you love your male muses. they deserve recognition. fc collecting/muse collecting. my friends have fallen victim to this and watching them feel crushed?? not okay with me. no one is a collection. everyone deserves to have fun. not having a conversation. with this hellsite, it's hard to tell certain tones. it's childish to not have a conversation. as much as it's scary, have it. you never know how freeing it could be. --- i can go on and on but we don't have all day

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE honestly? i think in a way. we both tend to spread ourselves too thin and give our all to everyone. if we're also adding canon sonny, same applies along with being treated poorly while also expecting things to be done for everyone. even when we're tired or in the worst possible mood, we still try to help in any way we can. idk other similarities, but sonny is def my comfort character and i can see some of myself in her.

TIME TO WRITE currently, it's been hard with how my mental health is going. when i write, it's usually because i'm in the mood. i do not force myself to write if i genuinely can't. so i write when i want and not when i don't want.

tagged by @kindofuneven <3

tagging youuuuuuuu

[shamanfox]

In sacrosanct meadows on lush green hillside

courtyards of

evergreen and lily white snow, sits

The Jester

holding cards

She waits there with a sheepish grin. Her wild eyes staring from lunacy beyond the grave of his long dead burned out mind.

Nothing

was there

rattling through his skull like a rats cage

set on fire

fleeing rodents wrapped up in disguise of "Ideas"

That thunk himself brilliant and yet

SAID he was humble which meant borrowing his neighbors coat to drape over mud holes waiting for the first fool to partake of the plastic.

The slipknot goat-head wheel turner

could have been but a single shot

transfixed into a photograph hung center in

The Museum Of Cretin.

Oh …shake the haze from the glare. There are no cards to read here, realize now as they are

just four blank mirrors void of a decent worthy expression.

Only an echo from years previous this short track roller coaster is out to lunch.

Permanently imitating chatty Kathy in a make-believe world.

….

Whilst the Thief laughed, merriment began to rise and bloom in iridescent array that "smoke screened eyelids"*

from ever knowing the secret

of unlocking beauty’s door…

When the moon made an appearance from the dusk of a cloud

barren soldiers were fighting in the cosmic dust

of infinite spiral layers

of possibilities. Love was

at the door step

opening gates

so inviting. This is the part of the story

Wise fear to tread…

Lets "talk" about love shall we?

Here, take my hand I will guide you now through the hallways of truth.

Love is always an open door speaking songs of forlorn angels and battle scars of internal injustice. It screams out as though it was not a biological drug life induced

that heart of being…

not just this falsely believing.

I myself am Wrapped up in nothing

short of insanity, sleepless, penny brained, every word:

"Yes" as in "Yes my Love Yes!"

mind babbling beggar... using only first dimensional communication.

A day spent in concrete stoic

Are now failing words

spilled in marbles

at loves door.

No now now baby,

you will never shake

this off.

No not the

real deal.

Your going to change

rid anything left insulting your

soul

your gonna wash your face

and look square

in the eyes. Your gonna smile now

"goddamit"

Smile.

Show me baby what loves all about.

Did you think it was a white picket?

Now.

holy un-roll all the fears your momma and your poppa force fed.

Stop gagging on the stew passed around this old cross for generations

You really think you know what loves all about?

Is it about jealousy

for the testosterone forgiven

from lily white to crimson dilate

clothes from every other sister

as she passed by.

Do you love em honey when every drool felt like nails into the coffin of self esteem.

Love feel safe like the choking flavor of chapstick

and gum

strangle-holding

dignity on a silver plated fork three-prongs that I swear looks just like a bird.

A fuck you

flip

this

switch bird.

a book now …

Like chapter one "first verse same as the first"

where slave driver poet lords bang minds door with words hung across arms

whilst fur is trading in dark caves of fog

Where old gathers together hand and hand to die.

or Bleed

sometimes you take a break to let it bleed.

Love is ruthless a two edged sword

for polarities balances a spinning pirouette effortlessly.

Love has a few freckles

sunspots on oceans of sea green, evergreen in redwood forests

where it flourishes a dream within this dream.

A voice always a little above or below the wave

where a dance-floor joyously

announces

heart & soul

though the train finally came home to stay…

Love walks with

or a step ahead for it is always there

freely

When you finally come home stay

love walked with you all the way

[mini-jiminie]

What an extremely heteronormative take. Leave room for doubt because they are two men, in a famous band? They can’t possibly be actually together surely?! That’s kinda homophobic not going to lie. If these two men were a man and a woman there would be no doubt. No rationality. Hickey gate would be just that. And no, they knew exactly what they were doing.

Fact of the matter is, they are a closest queer couple and won’t behave in the same way as you or I, not only that but yes, they are extremely famous. Think about it logically, for a decade they have had the protection of the band, they go on hiatus, there is no group work, they have to remain separate in the eyes of the public, not to give themselves away. You get hardly any interaction in public. That’s on purpose. 100 pecent with reason. You think they are going to post about what they do together? No. Notice the difference between the other members, Jimin saw Hobi and Yoongi and probably Joon at the company a lot. JK wasn’t there, when he was he went to see Jimins dance practice and we got the bb.

Hobi’s enlistment , k army deduced they’d been together the night before drinking, so no that’s not a reunion hug. It’s just a really beautiful hug. They’d seen each other at a group meal days before jk made his Jimin centric live after saying he missed him. Time means nothing to these two. Same as in the doc, jk striding in saying long time no see, and they’d literally been at the concert together all day. They absolutely saw each other in chp2 but it was mostly private. You’d really have to be dumb to think otherwise. Where do you think the enlistment and travel show came from? Thin air? Oh I know, I’m distant from this person but let’s enlist together for kicks Be for real please.

Every decent relationship is based on friendship, that’s they key to longevity. It’s what you are left with in the end. No relationship is going to be ott passionate all of the time, so you saying platonic moments is ridiculous. Of course they are mostly platonic moments, because that is normal, and because they are in a glass closet. The beauty of love lives in the mundane. Take the show, they just wated to spend time together. They are being normal travelling around as freely as they can but the point is that they are doing it together.

You and others are being extremely naive if you think they are going to make out or such things on camera to satisfy your whims, is that what you need for them to prove their relationship to you? They can’t possibly be real bc they don’t act like lovers? Because that’s what you’re saying reading your opinion. Again, your heteronormativity is showing. Trying to be rational is giving queer erasure.

I’ve always said you have to have a functional mature brain to get these two, but also put it into context. Seems you fall short.

Anon, I'm gonna need you to take a big breath and take a step back. What I'm most surprised about is your absolute vehement insistence that they are, for sure, 100% together. I'm sorry but, I wasn't aware that you were joining them on their candlelit dinners by the sea. Are you living in their walls perhaps?

As I keep reiterating in my posts - a point YOU chose to skim over :) - I am completely open and welcoming to the idea of them being together. I'm also ok with them not being together and not knowing the true extent of their relationship because, repeat after me:

we are fans. outsiders.

Also, I know something like joint enlistment isn't a light topic. Do I have to write every single one of my thoughts out for you? Where did I say jkk never met during chapter 2? I said they spent more time apart than they usually did in previous years because jm was busy working.

Never have I claimed that my opinion was truth. It's my subjective opinion and I literally don't know why you're so bothered about it. Also, me saying there's a possibility that jikook might not be together is suddenly homophobic? Ok cute!

[midwestmade29]

Christian Cage Head Canon 💭

I think this is considered a head canon, but please correct me if I’m wrong! (I do feel like some of this would be true with Jay being Jay and not Christian 🫢 I think I may have blurred the two 😳) But this is the shit my brain comes up with randomly and I wanted to share 😂

Spice level:🌶️

Word count: 704 So, picture this:

You and Christian LOVE to play small pranks on each other. At home, on the road, on the phone, at an arena…anywhere possible. You both love to mess with each other and push each other’s buttons a little.

You both are always laughing together. Doing whatever you can (no matter how silly or crazy) to make the other crack up. From jokes, sarcasm, getting one another in your most ticklish parts, puns, wearing something completely ridiculous, singing horribly to songs in the car, making crazy faces at each other, etc. The laughter is something that makes both your hearts ridiculously happy.

You love dancing together. Favorite types are dancing crazily in the kitchen while fixing dinner or cleaning up the dishes, slow dancing and holding each other close at a wedding or a party, in the car when your favorite songs come on, in the candlelight at home in your living room, and of course dancing in the sheets 😉

Physical touch is both of your love languages. Holding hands, wrapping your arms around the other from behind, a quick peck on the cheek, resting your head on his shoulder, cuddling on the couch while watching a show or movie (let’s be real though, probably a hockey game 😂), his hand on your thigh while he drives, when you embrace and it still doesn’t feel like it’s close enough, him helping you unzip your dress while letting his fingers graze your skin in the process, you helping him fix his tie because it’s usually crooked, forehead kisses, a little smack on the ass when either of you pass by one another.

You’re each other’s home. When you’re a part, you feel like a chunk of you is missing. The days while he’s away for AEW seem to drag on and make you anxious for him to come back to you. Whenever you’re together all feels right with the world and there’s an overwhelming sense of comfort and peace that fills your soul. Sitting silently next to each other while you read a book and he watches tv doesn’t bother either of you one bit, because just being near each other is enough. “Home is wherever I am with you.” 🖤

You support each other immensely. Whatever goal, dream or aspiration either of you have, you’re both in each other’s corners cheering for each other louder than anyone else. It doesn’t matter if either of you are successful in your endeavors or fall flat on your face, you lift one another up and kiss the pain away if something didn’t go the way it was planned.

You’re both extremely competitive. You like to challenge each other in just about anything! Trivia on any subject, googling something to prove you’re right/correct, board/video games, who can buckle their seatbelt the fastest, a staring contest, rock/paper/scissors, anything to one up the other, but playfully. Sometimes egos can get bruised, but you both get over a loss eventually. (By kissing and making of of course!)

Neither of you are afraid to be your true selves around each other. The good, the bad, the ugly, you accept and love every flaw. Showing emotion and speaking freely about anything/everything just comes naturally for you two. From morning breath, reciting every word while watching a favorite movie, beard trimmings all over the bathroom counter/sink, leaving hair in the shower drain, snoring, forgetting to replace the toilet paper roll, stealing all the covers when you’re sleeping, being indecisive about dinner, burping or farting loudly, leaving dirty clothes everywhere, putting your cold feet on them, …you two embrace it ALL.

Your intimate relationship is always burning hot, hot, hot 🔥 Intense physical attraction, skin on skin, hands roaming everywhere, lips constantly on each other, love bites and secret hickeys, he makes you forget about any insecurities you might have, mutual trust when trying new things or exploring, you both have healthy appetites 😏, laying naked together and falling asleep that way after sex, passion always on the forefront, empowering and encouraging one another when something feels good, not afraid to take things outside of the bedroom, intense, romantic, sensual, fun and exciting, dirty talk, (you both are very vocal 😏), a deep soul connection.

WOW, okay…that was waaaay longer than I meant it to be but it felt right so I kept rolling with it 😂 Obviously Mr. Cage/Reso has me feeling some type of way 🫠

[cookinguptales]

leap year tarot readings!

Okay!

I haven't done a tarot night in a while, so let's have fun together today!

For my new followers (or a refresher for old friends), here's the low-down. I am not psychic. I cannot tell the future. That said, I do love tarot cards. I won't get into the personal significance they hold for me right now, but I will say that I studied the history of tarot in college and collect decks now. (I have a lot!)

So now periodically I do tarot readings for people on tumblr. Just simple 3-card draws, but we have fun here. Again, I am not psychic. That said, I do believe that, since tarot is based on archetypes that apply to all people, all people can see some of themselves in a tarot spread. I can't tell your future, but if something in the spread brings up something you've been thinking about lately... well, maybe that's your brain telling you to think things through a little bit more.

I always relate tarot to that one saying: if you want to make a decision, flip a coin -- and then see which side you find yourself rooting for. I think tarot is similar in that, when we see a spread, we find ourselves subconsciously latching onto certain parts of it. And I do think it's wise to listen to your subconscious occasionally. A strong gut feeling shouldn't always be followed, but I do think it should always be explored.

Anyway! If you would like to request a tarot reading, here are some quick guidelines.

Please send me an ask that I can reply to. A lot of people like seeing the cards themselves, so I'll be posting all spreads publicly.

You can be anonymous, but if you are, please put an emoji or something so you can identify yourself. (And to keep my notifications at all navigable.)

I am going to be using both the Rainbow Connection Tarot and the 5-Cent Tarot this time. Please let me know which you'd prefer, and please keep in mind that the Muppets one is just the major arcana!

I am not psychic! So if you ask me a specific question, I will not be able to answer it! But if you'd like me to keep a topic in mind while doing my reading, I'll do my best.

I like to take my time with my readings and also take frequent breaks to pace myself. So please be patient with me.

This always seems to come up, so let me just be very clear! These readings are free. If you'd like to do something in return, I always like to ask you to pay it forward by just doing something nice for someone in the next few days.

Please don't talk yourself down when you send a request! No "sorry to bother you"s or "if it's okay for me to ask" or whatever. I do this because I enjoy it. You are taking nothing from me that I am not freely giving, and when I need to take breaks, I will do so. You are just as entitled to my time as anyone else in my inbox when I have specifically put aside time for y'all to claim.

Uhh... okay! One more thing! One of the times I did this recently, I posted what song I was listening to when I did your reading, and I thought that was a lot of fun. This time, though, why don't you choose a song? I'll listen to it while I do the reading. It can be your favorite song, or one that has to do with the vibe you want, or one that you're just really feeling today. Go wild! Just make sure that it is physically possible for me to find on the internet. lmao

Finally, as always, if you don't want to see all this, please block "#tarot shenanigans".

[lavenoon]

Specialty as a fanfic writer, let's go!

(Here I am taking that post very literally, so I'm gonna choose a specialty that is relevant specifically to it being fanfic, because I think it's an interesting way to think about it instead of just general writing, and I hope to explain myself well kfdjhgskñjgh)

I am assigning you "never forgets the fun! "

(And here I'll say, I really need to learn from your example on this one fjkhgkjsh)

Because Luce, literally following what you come up with is so much fun!

And that's what fanfic is! Fun! A hobby! Something that can be frustrating at times, but also is supposed to make us happy! And I just love that about what you make, because it's so clear how much you enjoy it. And just for the sake of clarity, you are an awesome writer! These are not mutually exclusive, of course, and in fact I think these aspects work so well together for what you do! You have so much fun creating your story, you know your characters so well, that placing them in a dozen variations of the same premise is absolutely no problem and I would (and have) read each and every one of them! You care so much about the connections between characters and the themes you explore and you have a blast while doing it too! And I have a blast witnessing it!

When someone makes an offhand comment and you suddenly go "Oh?", I just can perceive the little lightbulb turning on above your head and I just know we are in for a treat! Because what you make is just so genuine and heartfelt that the enthusiasm is just contagious! All the things you explore, be it by drabbles, or multi-chapter arcs, or your comics (comics are literature too and no one can change my mind on that XD), and the way you just opened a gate for other people to have fun with your AU too, it's just all so wonderful! The possibilities are endless and they're all there waiting for you to choose which ones inspire you the most!

What you make just represents the spirit of fanfic so terrifically and I am all for it, all day every day!

(and... if I'm being a little sappy for a moment here, I've always been just a bit too selfconscious about truly indulging and having fun so freely and trying stuff like this at all and I have some trouble coming out of my shell sometimes, so following along with AU and all the discord shenanigans has just made me feel the tiniest bit better about joining in on the fun, so you get a very heartfelt thank you from me for that <3)

I was gonna say the post said "on anon" but yknow, if you had sent this in on anon that would not have been anonymous anyway GFHDJS <3 That being said...

I'm blaming the fact that it's early but I really am just a little weepy and it took me like three times of reading to finally formulate some thoughts but most of them are just blubbering and or happy keysmash

Wanted to say that I just can't not explore things - but I realize I could. But where would be the fun in that? Fun has me in a chokehold and I'm never even considering not to indulge!

It makes things hard to follow and I'm self-conscious about that at times, which may make the weepiness partly out of relief/ reassurance. Always happy to hear that it's fun to follow along wherever my adhd brain takes me, and it is fun to explore - I love doing it!

I write fanfic for my fanfic, and apart from those bouts of "oh god no one's gonna be able to follow this mess of an AU" I'm so so happy to do it! There are so many different ways things could have gone, and I'm a huge sucker for the "soulmates in the 'in every universe, I'd choose you' way" trope - they choose each other, again and again and no matter how they meet, it turns out okay! Even the (discord exclusive (so far) because I wasn't confident enough to post Glamrock stuff before) version of AU where Robin works for Abra Fez with the Glamrocks - they still get to have fun with their boys! There's a happy ending! (and lots of shenanigans on the way gfhdsj)

The dynamics change and that's a lot of fun, and yeah I really just. Have to agree with your judgement - except I think fun would never let me dare forget it gfhdjsk

I love seeing what other people come up with - fanart and fanfic and the agentsona shenanigans, I always intended for this AU to be a sandbox to play in! I do it at any given moment, and it's so much more fun with other people enjoying themselves too! It can be silly, it can rely on so much suspension of disbelief, as long as it is fun! That is the most important part, and I'm glad to deliver!

(Also very glad to coax you out of your shell - it can be scary to be self indulgent when you feel so observed! Cringe culture is dead but its effect lingers! But I'm always gonna be very vocal about my support for self-indulgence because it is so much fun, that's even more dynamics to explore! It's nice, it's fun, and hurts no one - so I wish you heaps of self-indulgence in your future <3)