#i am just a product of everything i love
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I think my amv's are such a wonderful amalgamation of the things i've seen and loved and been inspired by, every song is something I heard from someone else's art, animatics, animations, other amv's, and just songs i've heard from those around me. I'm so thankful to everyone who's ever taken the time to make something amazing. I hope no one ever thinks i'm just stealing ideas, don't get me wrong, I adore everything I draw inspiration from. The call? Learned it from a QSMP animatic! Yaelokre? Tiktok edits! Arcade? A Helluva Boss animation! Unbroken? A fucking cool Sims 4 machinima! Saints? A Gacha Life MV! Humans? An animation meme! I could go on but I made my point. If anyone ever wants to know what inspired my amv's, i'll happily tell! Each one is very special to me!
#not an amv#i love you artists#i love animation#i love amvs#i love edits#i love animatics#i am just a product of everything i love#qsmp#yaelokre#helluva boss#sims 4#gacha life#little rant
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Speaking of Tarn, I know it's a meme to make fun of him and it's kind of justified bc he is deeply cringe and sad and pathetic, but I also think ppl spend way too much time shitting on Tarn for being weird/creepy and not enough time shitting on Megatron for deliberately singling him out and targeting him for brainwashing so that he would BECOME that weird and creepy. Like. Everyone wants to call Tarn horrible and weird but no one wants to acknowledge that Megatron is the person who made him that way. Not even from just an indirect sense of "oh he liked Megatron's writings" no.
Literally Megatron converted Damus/Tarn and personally groomed him as a protege (that he ultimately didn't actually care about at all) as a deliberate action just to spite Optimus. There was no "oh Damus/Glitch was already kind of suspicious and weird and evil" TARN LITERALLY WAS NOT THAT WAY UNTIL MEGATRON MADE HIM THAT WAY like come on y'all
#squiggposting#am i a tarn apologist now? not really bc i don't think any of his behavior is actually justified like i do with pharma#i just think. i think people are way too mean to him#and it's probably a product of the M worship in this fandom but i just think it's really weird#for ppl to spend more time mocking and making fun of T for being how he is#than they do mocking and making fun of M who literally made T into the monster he is. on purpose. to make a point.#bro literally treated T like an object and a board game piece and then went surprisepika when T went batshit on him. come on#anyways i make fun of T because i love him and find his dual nature of monstrousness and patheticness compelling#you make fun of T bc you use him as a scapegoat for everything wrong with the cons irrespective of how he/they got there#we are not the same#tarn
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Honestly the best way I can describe the 2nd season of Arcane is written by extremely competend writers who bit off way more than they could chew. Especially in that short of a timeframe.
It's possible that it was a higher up decision for future League shows, but the focus on the Black Rose & magic worldbuilding took away focus from the core cast and the narrative of 2 cities/sisters opposed to one another. They desperately needed at least 3 more episodes
The writers are competent, but they made some deliberate choices I don't like and pulled focus from things I believe they should've left in focus. It feels like the entire narrative of the show got changed between seasons, and maybe it was always the intention and I should rewatch the entire show front-to-back without a massive hiatus in-between them for me to get it, but from my current standing... It could've been more, and the things that they did focus on and give time to were really good. It's just that the show lost its priorities and primary narrative along the way
#why yes i am still upset about vi but there is other stuff to be found here too#sevika isha and jinx being established in act 1 and not being focused on for the rest of the show. specifically sevika just vanishing#i love mel but the black rose plotline came out of left-field and needed more time that this show could nooot afford.#if it deserved it at all. honestly the plot was just unsatisfying to me in general#the end product is banging but the way we got there was sort of tedious#i changed my mind. they should've SHORTENED the black rose storyline#i think vi's and powder's dad getting less than 0 acknowledgement was hilarious. go dude give us nothiiiing#dont get me started on vi.#dont get me started on caitlyn and vi.#they were one of those relationships playing into the piltover vs zaun narrative and just like that narrative their relationship was wooshe#or at least its built up. they are so unstable and needed more focus before becoming endgame in my humble opinion#but i also cant say where to fit that amongst everything else#actually scratch that. jayvik was the endgame of the show and it was a BIG surprise. but a welcome one#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#bear rambles
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Pretty boy in the Key, with his Numbers, trying to make sense of his own existence.
#“Just what in the world am I?” You are the best boy in the entire universe#that's what you are#my everything#I love him so much#I was trying to write something interesting but I became very sad about him#again#and again I decided to post pictures about him rather than being productive#I will do more interesting things on this blog but right now I just want to look at him#astral zexal#astral yugioh#yu gi oh zexal#yugioh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal
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i want to talk about robins trailer again!
following up from this post + a cool thread i saw earlier compiling lots of details i didn't notice in the trailer! (and the morse code post)
mostly really interested in the fact that this whole thing is filmed and directed by sunday
(sc from twt thread)
i said earlier that robin must feel like she doesn't want to let down both sunday and the family, both as his sister and the "pride of the family". but this clearly shows that he's the one pulling the strings, or at least one of them.
(as i type this out, i realize the usage of "pulling the strings" could relate back to the imagery of puppets we've been seeing. they are present in robin's trailer and also seen in the 2.2 penacony trailer)
(and of course, another puppet on strings...)
not sure where i'm going with this because tbh i got side tracked because i had the realization while writing. just some cool consistent puppet imagery, obviously symbolic, just don't feel like thinking about this rn lol
ANYWAY, my original train of thought was going towards sunday being a huge pressure on her, whether intentionally or not, he's clearly got his own shit going on... but i also feel like this gives new meaning to something else i pointed out a bit ago (post)
sunday is always right behind robin! she's always in the spotlight while he looms in the shadows. another thing tho, the same person who posted that twt thread i linked to pointed out that our bird friend is seen in the corner watching robin perform (x)
in the upper right corner!
(though, ive seen speculation that the bird is not sunday's but the dreammaster's! either way, sunday is still the most involved with her in the context of my post...)
now, going back to what i really want to talk about in the first place - director sunday. i do think this is more symbolic than anything, and coming from robin's perspective as this is her trailer.
sunday is a perfectionist obsesed with control and robin's public image may not be spared from that. she may feel that sunday is essentially breathing down her neck, whether or not sunday is aware he's making her feel like this. i've always thought that sunday's perfectionism and his obsessiveness have bled into his love for his sister and their relationship as a whole. again, she clearly does not want to let him down specifically, especially when they're supposedly working towards a childhood dream.
it's just! this whole thing about freedom, or the lack of it. robin is a caged bird and that's become explicit in her trailer. who knows wtf sunday's deal is, but he's also clearly under SO much pressure, he's the head of the oak family and ALSO needs to be nothing less than perfect. dude had a whole speech about it. i also imagine they both don't talk about any negative feelings related to this, maybe even wanting to keep up appearances around each other too.
i feel like i dont have anything else to say. i just mainly wanted to talk about some observations and stuff. i am very much looking forward to 2.2 coming out later, im SO excited to dig into sunday because he is the most intriguing and mysterious to me. their relationship is just so so so interesting, im so excited to see it in all of its glory later.
and mandatory note bc i am an anxious person, i do a lot of talking out of my ass and this is just exactly that.
(uh i scrolled up to read this post over and saw i linked back to a morse code post and didn't talk about that at all. well there's SOS morse code in robins trailer! that's fucked up! what else can i say)
#minnie post#i am just soooo so sosososososoososososo in love with sunday he is such. a character#such a character who is just SO the product of his environment#and of course the same goes for robin. im so scared for her i wonder just how dark they'll go with her experiences with fame#penacony is already so dark#i just know itll be heartbreaking#like the marilyn monroe imagery? ok#drops at 11 pm for me i will NOT be sleeping!#inb4 2.2 drops and i have everything completely wrong#sunday hsr#robin hsr#hsr#oh yeah! something else i forgot to add in the og post was how much sunday being the director relates back to him being the conductor!
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hii! just wondering when the next syonr time skip will occur and how long will it be?
Well, I keep hoping I'll reach it within 1-2 chapters, but every time I say that, I end up having to add onto another chapter because I needed to cover something I forgot about. So *shrug* I don't dare to make any promises. I feel like I'm jinxing myself every time I answer this question.
As for how long it will be? I would say about a year, so not immediately to the alliance conference, since that occurs when Binghe is 17, and BingYuan would be 16 after this next timeskip.
Though the time period will be pretty short in comparison before it skips ahead to the alliance conference again. That is the plan, anyway. I might end up skipping directly to the conference if I decide what I have in mind doesn't fit. I doubt it though! I look very much forward to what I have planned ^^
#syonr ask#granted right now everything is delayed anyway#I am tired from work and in pain from the weather+genes#so I can only write in short bursts which is bad for my productivity lmao#i can't even read fics in bed without feeling like my hands are going to fall off#but i love writing too much to stop doing it entirely <3#it's just very very slowgoing at this point
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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adult wins, adult anxieties and fears and frozenness.
#I take my responsibilities so seriously and I take my work so seriously and so consequently myself so seriously#and that last one I need to not do#it doesn’t all come down on me. I am not in charge of everything or in control of everything#anyways I’ve just been absolutely wrestling these past few weeks with my internal landscape#if that makes sense#but it’s this thing where I just feel full of layers of deception#to other people because no matter who I’m talking to there’s something they don’t understand about me.#and this part of my brain goes insane when I’m tired and stressed and empty#and I have simply been doing so much non-stop#that I am due for a crash and a rest#unfortunately my brain also loves to torment me when I am tired and stressed#(it’s because of the tiredness and stress)#not a thought here is coherent or connected#but I need to rest and recharge#it’s like I keep finding new aspects of me that i can push harder. increased stamina. mental strength. more Finely honed observations#so I’ve just been doing it (everything life teaching conversations existing) at a much higher rate of intensity#and productivity#but the exhaustion this produces is new to me and it’s very scary and idk what to do with it#(rest. change my metaphorical tires. sleep. recharge)#anyway ignore me
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
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#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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The fucking subtle strings* in in loml just gut me
*apparently they're fakety fake fake who knew
#I know the production credits don't list it but there's gotta be a bass or double bass in this right???#It's too deep to be a cello but I've picked it up since the first listen when it came out#it sounds too rich to be electronic but what do I know#and I'm annoyed it's not listed on the credits#because it's so beautifully haunting and I adore it so much#goooooooood i'd love a full orchestra version of this#have i mentioned that the cello is my favourite instrument so I just want it in everything lol#much like the rest of TTPD I am going to choose to believe what I want about it and ignore reality lmao
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Had a really good conversation with my therapist yesterday that has left me feeling better about life & the future than I have in... months, honestly (which also has me feeling really good about her ability to help me continue sorting through things).
I was talking about my distress about the future and in particular what I'm going to do when I graduate, since grad school isn't the most stable option, and she pointed out that since I was spiraling over hypotheticals, maybe it made sense to simply make up my mind about the first step, since applying to grad school is hardly the same as committing to grad school. And she was so right. I am so good at feeling like I need to make the right, perfect decision -- especially after making mistakes with school in the past -- that I have been worrying myself into depressive spirals over what the "right" decision is here. But making up my mind to at least apply and find out what my options are is a decision, that will give me a lot more information in the long run than paralysis over if it's "okay" to apply at all.
It'll still take a lot of work, obviously, and l don't know if I'll even get in anywhere, much less actually commit to doing a PhD if I do. But it has taken such an incredible weight off my shoulders just to say "Okay, I am going to apply, what next?" Because it means I can put all that nervous energy to actual use! Instead of spiraling the next time I start thinking about my options in the future, I can go do research on different PhD programs (without feeling guilty the whole time, like I have been until now)! I can ask my favorite professors for advice! I can reach out to current grad students to ask what they think of their advisors! All of which is actually productive and will help me make the most informed choice I can if and when the time comes, instead of ruminating endlessly on what the "best" one is!
TL;DR -- my therapist is very smart and understands me and the things my brain gets stuck on in a big way, and her advice has dislodged literal months of extremely disordered thinking just like that. Because now I feel like I've made a choice and have something to work towards. And also like I can breathe.
#it is probably not a coincidence that i finally feel like i've 'clicked' with a therapist again who also is knowledgeable about OCD#because i think this is a very OCD problem and very OCD solution#stuck worrying about a totally hypothetical choice? make a non-hypothetical one so it becomes real and actionable instead!#i am literally going to file this away for all major life decisions; i get so stuck on this kind of thing and it's so smart#genuinely cannot overstate how much i've been struggling with this for months and how much it's just. gone now#like i'm having a good week mentally ('maybe it's the start of the semester / maybe it's vyvanse' joke - but actually)#so i am not going to pretend this fixes everything forever#but also it was constantly hanging over me and now it's. not#anyways! i have no idea if academia is the right choice for me! but i'd kind of like it to be! so we'll see what happens!#and in the meantime i will do productive things instead of self-flagellating about being interested in an unstable field!#i love. therapy. love when it works
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When it comes to horny art esp in FEH like. I'm always split between "I don't wanna be sex negative and prudish that's stupid" and "Okay but there IS a misogyny problem (specifically about how female characters are portrayed/treated)" and "I'm Sorry Women (I do like huge titties and stupid slutty outfits)" and "I'm a huge anatomy nerd and what's pissing me off the most are the shit proportions here actually"
^ This user is on the asexuality spectrum.
#i don't wanna start discourse about it LMFAOOO it's just. the motions i am constantly going through#i think there is a difference between official artwork that is essentially a product being sold to you#vs independent artists who regardless of it they're selling their art. somehow there's a difference there#like i think horny/fetish art is so fucking important and worth protecting/going to bat for#esp the joker voice Society. cannot fucking take myself seriously LMFAOO BUT#idk idk. head empty. there's probably something there though.#i'm just stuck on an endless loop about it whenever something like a loki incident happens LMFAOOOO#that said though if any feh artist gives sharena an extremely sexualized alt i WILL have to kill them in cold blood.#and then the loop keeps fucking going like. it needs to be tasteful. she can be attractive. but it needs to be tasteful#and then the loop KEEPS GOING. like ohhh are you adsigning morality to art?? I DON'T THINK SO?????#i'm just devastingly demisexual about everything like. i love loki's new alt bc all things considered#it suits her. you can argue about the merit of Creating A Chara like her. but like. grah another endless loop#but it would NOT suit sharena#she would be SO uncomfortable. she would probably be found in the bathroom crying about it.#and then there's more complicated situations like plumeria.#i think her ny alt suits her v well. she is the elegant type. i am going to kill whoever made her summer alt.#and that's coming from a guy who's FAVORITE ALTS. ARE THE SUMMER ALTS#idk idk. i am incomprehensible even to myself.
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blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)
Telling the bees [1] [2 - Colleen English] [3 - C. W. Hagge] // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed, abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "About Suffering" [remixed, abridged], Elisa Gabbert // "Bees, Honeycombs, Honey", Hayan Charara // [Albert Camus] in "A Time of Bees", Mona Van Duyn | Len Redkoles, Steve Caplan, Bruce Bennett, Andre Ringuette, Emilee Chen
#remember when i was like 'if i was insane-' yeah i literally started this the next day. was already downloading photos. finished it in 2??#days & it has been here so patiently waiting for me to add on the tags :)))) wanted to drop it with nothing like haha lol how is everybody#however. chronic yapper. ALSO IT'S A SCREENSHOT SO I COULDN'T DO IT BUT OOOO THE URGE TO MAKE THE CITATIONS LINKSSS ONE OF JOEL AND#CLAUDE KEEPER & ONE OF JOEL SCORING FOR HONEY & ONE OF HIM IN THE FLAMES FOR DEATH BEES ARE PRODUCTION ANIMALS YOU KNOW.#len redkoles first photo credit as always. len we love you. always coming through with the narrative & fun shots!!#i swear it's on a tk post from oyb teex that was just like 'len redkoles one of us' and the answer is yes of course. ALSO before i begin#please direct all complaints to alexandra whose fault this parially is <3 bc i tweeted about the trade &she was like 'danny b learned from#the richie/carts fiasco' and i went ”well danny knows from his own trade too OH MY GOD-' and also as always the tweet that was like#they should call philly a boneyard w/the way ships go there to get wrecked. good thing they got the naval museum in philly or w/e it was#ANYWAYYYY philly city of brotherly separation actually... brief aside i do have a beautiful little joellabee real bee au w/telling the bees#which is part of where that comes from bc it's joel getting told abt everybody's trades BUT also i had poem bits i scrapped bc they couldn'#fit but they do here in the appendix so. amend it as footnote after 'whales hunted to extinction' insert there in the blessing. lindros#explosive benzene transformative mercury also i liked the shot AND I ACTUALLY GOT KEVIN & YANDLE PIC LAST BUT I LOVE IT i was going to put#cutter on the seagull stomach one but then he fit so well (thank u len) for the bitchy line of like paper plastic & it needed to be a 2-set#bc 'everything's worse' made me laugh so hard w/him. but i am so happy bc i wanted kevin in it & then 'jet fuel' (we got him from the jets)#then i had edited the line it used to be plastic but i couldn't have that twice & the article also had shrapnel so i was like. well it's#that or styrofoam & then i went OH MY GOD YANDLE'S BROKEN IRON MAN STREAK. SHRAPNEL. STOP. also not me going BOB WAS THERE??? (and jagr???#bernie parent traded then coming back & saying he was better for it bc he got to learn from one of the greats... still regarded as one of#the most upsetting trades lmao & LISTEN. TORTUROUS LUXURY DANNY B BACK CLAUDE IMMEDIATELY GONE OK IT'S BRRING IN THERE. ALL THOSE OLD IDEAS#raff let go willingly is purely for me also. he ain't dead he's just in lausanne & i still have not transcribed “das größte ist vorbei” &#ALSO hinting at tzjd narratives dropping it running away. jamie staying the summers in philly & being so fine & happy vs trevor. &OFC WAYNE#i've used that photo before by god i'll use it again. flyer for a day to end it there. ALSO MIKE LIKES JEFF JEFF LOVES MIKE SEND POST &if i#had more photo editing skills &thought u'd still know it was bee i'd've made him a ghost &edited him out. i have SO many alts for suffering#the philadelphia flyers suffering#joel farabee#philadelphia flyers#am i HAPPY with this idk but it needs to get out of my drafts my tummy hurts. and that's why this is 'for a swarm of angry bees' bc this#is the evil version telling the story of what could've been if morgan didn't go with him. blessed be(ō) - bee/be thou a charm for happiness#liv in the replies
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stressing out about Mental shit that isn’t even happening Monday
#i’m trying to sleep what is going on#I wake up at 7 it’s 12:38 I can’t be doing this I’m sensitive to low sleep#I wish I could be someone with having around but I’m not and I won’t ever be#I’m just always a guest everyone is hosting against their will#I shouldn’t even be here but I can’t leave because I know this whole thing is illogical and I’m loved but I shouldn’t be#I know I’ll be over this by tomorrow and I don’t know why it’s happening#this is why Kaneki would not want me#one of many reasons#I’m so sorry he has to be associated with me sometimes I’m glad he doesn’t know#Kaneki deserves so so much better and I can’t give him anything without it being tainted with Me#I just want to love him but he’d hate it he’d be so disgusted and me being upset would only make it worse#and it’s the only thing I’m good for#I want to give him everything but he wouldn’t even want it am I falling into the same hole as last year again#I just started but I get paralysed with a weird feeling in my chest and have more motivation to work for him than before#but then the paralysis happens when I’m trying to be productive !!#I want to do well this year so bad bc it actually counts now but I already feel strange#I just want to be normal and have Kaneki but I can’t have both so I have neither
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