#anyways i make fun of T because i love him and find his dual nature of monstrousness and patheticness compelling

[lord-squiggletits]

Speaking of Tarn, I know it's a meme to make fun of him and it's kind of justified bc he is deeply cringe and sad and pathetic, but I also think ppl spend way too much time shitting on Tarn for being weird/creepy and not enough time shitting on Megatron for deliberately singling him out and targeting him for brainwashing so that he would BECOME that weird and creepy. Like. Everyone wants to call Tarn horrible and weird but no one wants to acknowledge that Megatron is the person who made him that way. Not even from just an indirect sense of "oh he liked Megatron's writings" no.

Literally Megatron converted Damus/Tarn and personally groomed him as a protege (that he ultimately didn't actually care about at all) as a deliberate action just to spite Optimus. There was no "oh Damus/Glitch was already kind of suspicious and weird and evil" TARN LITERALLY WAS NOT THAT WAY UNTIL MEGATRON MADE HIM THAT WAY like come on y'all

[wahwahxavi]

 hey  guys  im  zoe  and  welcome  back  to  my  channel  KSKSK  ok  idk  why  i  thought that  was  funny . anyways  i’m  from  australia  so  slide  into  my  dms  with  ur  best kangaroo  joke . this  is  ur  resident  white  man’s  wh*re ,  xavier ,  and  he’s  a  hockey player  bc  i’m  a  basic  bitch  and  so  is  he  :)  so  if  ur  likin  what  u  see  hmu  on discord  𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒙𝒂 𝒅𝒆(𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔)𝒎𝒊𝒆#5728  pls  thank  u  all  in  advance  for  listening <3

chicago’s very own xavier cassidy has been spotted on madison avenue driving a lamborghini aventador , welcome ! your resemblance to jack gilinsky is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty third birthday bash  . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re insouciant , but being exuberent might help you . i think being a aries explains that .  3 things that would paint  a  better picture of you would be wearing his airpods 24/7, empy bottles of hennessy, juul pens lying around his room, late night ‘u up?’ texts .  ( cismale + he/him  ) 

full name  : xavier  (  of the spanish ‘ castle ’ )  romeo  (  of the italian ‘ pilgrim to rome  ) cassidy  (  of the irish ‘ curly haired and clever ‘  )  de la fuente  (  of the spanish  ‘  of the fountain ’  ) .

nicknames  : xav , xavi , dumbass.

date of birth  : 5th april.

birth place  : catalan , spain.

sexuality  : pansexual .

occupation  : professional hockey player.

character inspo  : guzman nunnier from elite , scott mccall from teen wolf , lucas scott from one tree hill , christopher mckay from euphoria , joey tribbiani from friends .

father  :  matteo leonardo de la fuente , former nhl player ; retired goalie for the chicago blackhawks .

mother  :  liana de la fuente (  nee cassidy  ) , ballerina for the new york ballet company before retiring after an acl injury .

siblings  :  kaia liana cassidy de la duente , younger sister & currently an instagram influencer , trying to become a serious actress.

prologue *

so  xavier  romeo cassidy  de  la  fuente  was  born  to  liana  cassidy  and  matteo  de  la  fuente  .  liana  had  made  a  name  for  herself  as  a  ballerina for  the  new  york  ballet  company  before  being  forced  to  retire  due  to acquiring  an  acl  injury  whilst  performing  dual  roles  in  the  swan  lake  . devastated  ,  liana  decided  to  start  a  family  with  her  husband  ,  a  talented  goalie  for  the  chicago  blackhawks  , a  few  months  later  out comes  their  oldest  son  and  problem  child  ,  xavier .

so starting from now u all have full permission to drag xavier bc he is an idiot with a mf capital i !! xavier  was  born  in  catalan  ,  spain  and  his  family stayed  there  for  a  few  years  ,  with  his  father  travelling  back  and  forth  for  the  hockey  season  before  they  permanently  relocated  to  chicago . 

(  trigger warning  :  cancer &  death  )   to  put  it  simply  ,  xavier  had  a treasured  childhood  with  two  doting  parents  .  until  after  one  unfortunate scan  had  condemned  liana  to  suffering  through  breast  cancer  for  a  few years  until  there  was  nothing  more  they  could  do  for  her  .  liana’s  death took  a  long - lasting  toll  on  their  family  ,  to  put  it  simply  ,  she  was  the heart  of  the  family  and  despite  xavier  growing  much  closer  to  his  father and  younger  sister  ,  he  suffered  going  back  home  and  being  faced  with the  memories  and  ghost  of  his  mother  . 

xavier  finding  his  one  true  love  ,  hockey  --  was  quite  ironic  due  to  his father  being  a  prominent  figure  in  the  nhl  .  he  spent  years  during  high school  fighting  his  natural  talent  for  the  sport  by  trying  to  find  the  same passion  in  sports  such  as  water  polo  ,  lacrosse  ,  soccer  ,  track  .  his high  school  resume  was  diverse  ,  to  say  the  least  .  but  one  cannot  deny  fate  ,  and  the  universe  dictated  that  xavier  would  play  for  the national  hockey  league  ,  securing  a  spot  after  graduating  with  the  new york  rangers  .  it  was  at  this  point  that  he  dropped  his  last  name  and started  going  by  his  mother’s  maiden  name  ,  to  distance  himself  from  his  father’s  legacy  and  create  his  own  image  of  himself  .  thus  ,  xavier  de  la  fuente  becomes  xavier  cassidy  .

following  his  successful  first  year  as  a  defense  man  for  the  rangers  ,  the  pressure started  to  get  to  him  .  after  years  of  repressing  his  baggage  ,  it  all  hit  him  at  once and  with  one  failed  drug  test  ,  he  faced  suspension  from  twenty  games  .  the  media dragged  his  and  his  father’s  name  through  hell  ,  comparing  the  golden  goalie  matteo  de  la  fuente  to  his  prodigy  son  ,  aka  ,   class  a  trainwreck  xavier  cassidy . 

introspection *

so to sum up xavi’s personality is : he’s generally a good guy w good intentions but happens to fuck up a lot , like he’s a nice guy but he makes rly stupid decisions under pressure

also xavier has a lowkey addictive personality so he’s always chasing after toxic stuff in his life whether its people or drugs JSJHFGIUERHE

he’s been sober for like a year but can easily break that if u know what i mean xD

all around he’s fun and relaxed , doesn’t take a lot of shit too seriously like all he wants to do is have a laugh n be a dumbass y’know everyone’s resident wh*re <3

he’s lucas scott almost entirely to a t . he messes up a lot and always finds a way to victimise himself and place the blame on others , all while maintaining his “ i’m a nice guy . ” image . 

similar to mckay from euphoria . he has good intentions , especially with cassie but you can see him mess up . in his heart , he’s a good guy but out in the world, when he succumbs to pressures he’s not .

goofy and doesn’t take life too seriously , especially when he finds himself in hot water . he’ll either be all broody like lucas scott or channel his chandler bing energy and just kinda’ pretend nothing is a big deal 

connections *

[crimvaiocipher8]

Sultry Sarlacc

Author’s Note: It’s under the cut so no unwanted spoilers happen, but it does star @therealtheronshan.

The people, the music, the passion, and the alcohol push me onto the dance floor. I can feel their bodies brush against me, and their breaths move to the beat. A beat that sends my heart on a rush, and my eyes alert. So many mouthes moving with words unsaid; secrets betrayed in the security of the beating music. A world so volatile, and yet indispensable to those who know how to use it. Intelligence operatives use it if they're smart. We come to these places with a bright smile, and carefully chosen clothing. We look the part of a person looking to get lost in the passion and substance. Everything is chosen, every thought calculated, and every conversation is duplicit.

In my case, I pick a night where many of my allies are there. It looks like I'm joining friends looking for relaxation during our off duty hours. Other nights that was true, but tonight friends are my security. They're a small safeguard if the worst occurs. I wave and smile. I dance with them, and drink beverages.  Fun times. I almost forgot my other purpose for being here.

I’d love to be here with Kardeva. He and I love dancing the night away, and pretending all is well with the galaxy.  Unfortunately, Kardeva here equals a vain and empty meeting. And if the meeting happened anyway, nothing would be said. I’ll make it up to him later.

I go to the bar and order another ale. Ale does nothing to my people, since our bodies metabolize weaker forms of alcohol too quickly, but not many know that on Nar Shaddaa so it provides a good enough illusion. I move my hips to the music, and wink when I see very masculine eyes glance my way. One of the women approaches and shouts to me, “Hey, handsome, want to dance?”

I shake my head and say, “Sorry, miss, but I prefer a more manly company.”

She shrugs and heads away.  She the third or fourth woman to ask?  I used to joke to myself that maybe the next one would convert me. Heh. I don't want conversion, nor modification. Just answers.

Another comes up to me. This time he’s shirtless, with a scar across his chest. He’s drinking a bottle and stumbles a bit into the stools. “Am I shmanly enough company for you?” he asks with a hiccup.

I’m about to roll my eyes and turn him down, but I remember I’m not here to stick out. So, I shout in a less-imperial accent, “Even more so handsome…"

We head to the dance floor as one of my favourite songs comes on. His moves are clumsy and he bumps into me a lot, but no one turns around to look. Good. Good. Soon the dance partner stumbles away and I find another handsome one to dance with. He’s cute. He has good moves. Reminds me again why being attracted to my own sex is delightful.

In the corner of my eye, I see them looking around. The person I’m here to met. Brown hair, new black leather jacket with a tank underneath, and implants on the corner of their eye. Slowly, I dance my way to them. “Hey there, handsome. Care to dance?”

“I’m not very good at it… You and Lana keep sayin’ I got to lighten up. Well, here I am.”

“Here you are,” I shake my head and smirk, “And dare I say, looking fine.”

“Hey, they got whiskey here? Would help loosen me up…”

“Anything for a handsome face,” I reply and I use a strong arm to ensure they follow me to the bar.

We order drinks: I order another ale, and they order whiskey, the go-to drink. After I drink a bit, I take a breath and say quietly, “You know why I took you off active duty a few days ago and why I called you yesterday, right?”

They nod slowly, and look down. “Yes. And I know that you know that I can only speak hypothetically.”

“Alright then, Theron, we can speak hypothetically,” I answer in a low voice, “about why someone would decide to kill my husband and betray the Alliance?”

“… So you do know?”

“Given the work I did for the Empire, did you honestly think I wouldn’t?”

“You’re too emotionally involved in this situation. Not what I’d expect from you, Cipher.”  He looks up at me with his eyes hard, and with a hint of defiance, “Why else would you protect instead of investigate the uprisings? Or do you already know something or someone is hypothetically orchestrating them?”

“Hypothetically… wouldn't you be emotional too if hypothetically you're husband was in carbonite for 5 years, and then a few years after him getting out, someone hypothetically betrays him?"

He glances back and widens his eyes. “Uhhh… Crim…”

“What?”

“You didn't…”

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and slowly turn to see Kardeva standing there in one of his more revealing outfits. I step back, “Akise…”

Kardeva looks at me with a blank face. “Yes?”

I turn to Theron and I say simply, "Theron..." and hand him a small commchip, "We'll talk about this later at these coordinates. Be there. I'll make sure the Commander isn't."

Theron walks up and whispers to me quietly, “You’d better.”

I nod and then take Kardeva by the arm and guide him out the door. “Come on, akise.”

"Alright, Theron, I did notice an interesting coincidence: Uprisings suddenly come up at the same time, and so soon after Zakuul was formally defeated," I say in one of my hideouts on a planet far from the reaches of most galactic factions.

I came upon this place during my early Intelligence days, and I put it to good use. It has computers for both Republic, Empire, and other places around the galaxy. With the right codes, and stolen IDs, I can get into anything from anywhere. Today isn't a hacking day, naturally, it's having a conversation with a traitor day. A traitor who's right in front of me with his arms crossed, and in his usual uniform.

"Just like I noticed your implant's frequencies going to and from unknown communications during the initial landing on Iokath, and around the time Kardeva was nearly electrocuted. Now, you get to tell me how they're linked with each other, and why you acted without at least telling someone."

"Come on, Crim, you and I both go off and do our own thing. Can't fault me for that."

I smile and walk up to him so I'm staring down. “I can’t fault you for it, hmm? Alright then, what can I fault you for? Kardeva was almost killed thanks to you! Can I fault you for that or do you naively presume to have any say  of my emotions while on my turf?”

"See? This is why I couldn't talk to you about it. You're too emotionally involved, can't think like an agent anymore."

"Can't think like an agent anymore?" I tighten my fist. "If I can't think like an agent anymore, I'd still be in the dark and you wouldn't be here. The emotion I put into this in turn grants me a connection to the Force, which helps me see where my eyes can't. Now," I levitate a blaster and point it at Theron’s head and hold him in place, “You have 60s to explain to me why I shouldn’t pull this trigger. So get talking?”

"Wait, you can use the Force? Since when?"

I lift up my shirt to show a dual saber strapped to my chest, and lower it, blaster remaining where it is. I then lift a hand, and a beverage floats towards Theron. "Thirsty? And you’re down to 45s, by the way."

He takes it, eyes wide, and smiles a little. "Heh. If I had known... Are you a Darth in disguise now?"

"No. Kriff, no! Last thing I need is to change my career after almost 20 years. My training isn't complete," I answered, "Only enough to be useful and to enhance my intelligence abilities. And down to 30s"

"I see. Then perhaps we can come to an understanding..."

Theron holds up a datapad to me. I read it thoroughly, and put my weapon in my holster. "Hmmm... Alright, you can live to see another day. Are you certain of this? Are they the ones behind the Uprisings?"

"I think so. But I can't know for sure since they're more secretive than the Revanites, and the leaders that started the uprisings are dead. The only way we can learn about them is if -"

"- You get into this order," I finish his his sentence, "but getting in means restarting fighting between the Republic and Empire. Why is this necessary? This galaxy has seen enough wars."

“Yes. Because they would've found someone else and this is our only chance to know what is really going on here. Just like you did what you had to to stop the Star Cabal, Cipher 9."

I slowly smile, and cross my arms. “Heh. I haven’t  been called that in a long time. How did you know- nevermind. We know how each other knows their secrets. Figures the title returns to me on a much more personal level: I started in intelligence because I was recruited by my lover, which thrust me into defending the whole Sith Empire, and now the title returns to me in the name of protecting the one I love.”

I turn around and bury my face in my hands. “Explain why you expect me to take you at your word? Why should I take you at your word?”

“I don’t know,” Theron answers, “aside from your gut and things not adding up.”

"This is a dangerous game you're playing, Agent Shan. If this goes well, we can stop the conspirators. If this goes poorly, the galaxy is thrust back into a war whose price I don't think it can pay. If anything, I'd say the galaxy will go into default on such a conflict."

Theron sighs and his eyes are tired when I look at them. Has he been sleeping at all since this started? I doubt it. Seems I'll be joining him soon enough. I go to a computer and type a few things. "What are you doing?" He asks slowly.

"Sending your implants information on Cipher 9's last missions before Imperial Intelligence got disbanded. It includes information on the Star Cabal." I turn to face him as he silently looks over the information.

"How were you able to-"

Our eyes meet, and I smile. Theron nods and keeps reading. I explain, "All the information about the Star Cabal was in a black codex. They'd have extensive knowledge... I won’t say what Cipher 9 did with it. However, I do know the Star Cabal had copies."

"The Star Cabal were the ones behind the last battle between the Sith and Republic. Why is it as soon as we deal with one conspiracy, another pops up?"

"Because too many people in the galaxy don't want to see you and I unemployed?"

We both laugh at that. He's silent in the information I gave him. Whether it actually helps or not, I don't know; what I do know is protecting Kardeva has become much more complicated. A dark part of me wants to shoot Theron where he stands, and walk away. Serves him right for thinking he could try and kill a tsis' mate without consequence. I feel my hand rest on my blaster. It would be quick, and I could explain it to Kardeva later.

Killing him now would be the stupidest thing I've ever done! I jerky my hand away. Now’s not the time to think like all the sociphatic idiots among the Sith, but as an Imperial Intelligence agent who knows many conspiracies. Those behind these uprisings will find another traitor and when they strike, Kardeva might die. And I’ll be helpless to stop them because the one person who was close to getting inside die.

I should let him go.

If I let him go, he might find a way to stab me again, like he did all those weeks ago with a blade coated in poison designed to kill tsis. Then I might not survive, and Kardeva won't have his shadow. I promised him I would return to him. How I return is another matter.

There is only one option, isn't there?

"Theron..."

Theron's eyes focus on me. I look at him for a few minutes, each breath being harder to take than the last. "You'll need an ally on the Alliance in case things go really south with this order. We should keep in touch."

"I don't know. You're still emotionally..."

"Shut the kriff up! What are you, a Jedi? Why are you coming to their line of thinking anyway? They seem to be good at fucking you over instead of being useful!”

“Hey, let’s not bring in my…”

“Family got brought in the moment you tried to destroy mine. Mine whom I’m going to protect, even if it means back stabbing them in the process. I'm a tsis who knows both emotion and thought, and who doesn't want his children to live in a galaxy plagued by war after war, who doesn't want his husband to lose his life to this Order. And yes, I do it all because I have strong emotions. Know what else I have? A strong connection the Force, which rewards me in making myself a better agent. I won't apologize for any of that Theron. If anything, I'll be apologizing to my husband for helping you join this Order and ensure that this plan works instead of letting him know why you didn’t leave this meeting alive.”

Theron opens his mouth and then closes it. "You'd... You're willing to?"

I cross my arms and stare. "Yes. Understand this is a quick, but heavy decision. It's the only way we're getting out of this room alive, and remain allies."

Theron nods and gets up, "Umbara. Adegan crystals," Theron says quietly, "it's where I need to make my next move."

I nod and slowly. "I know the world. I know the Alliance has been aiding the Empire in getting them, and the Republic has been attacking the shipments in turn. I will gather what information I can, and ensure, the Commander, will be there.

Theron gets up and heads out the door. "I'll be in touch."

I sit down in the chair he was in and bury my face in my hands. "Very well. And Theron…"

He turns around and I look at him, sending some of my darker Force presence to him with a warning, “If this proves to be more lies in the end, I will kill you.”

Theron nods and turns around and heads out the door. I barely hear his reply, “Provided I don’t kill myself first.”