#i am in missouri (misery)

[crazyfandomluver]

Them>>>>>

[warlordfelwinter]

did you guys know that if you're lactose intolerant and you eat dairy there will be consequences

[lovphobic]

missouri saga

[confessions-official]

hot take: i dont like ted drews. i mean, the ice cream is good, but there is so much better at other places. i mean, oberweis, s&js, richs, etc. easily top ted drews for me. everyone touts ted drews as the best ice cream in st louis, but... i disagree. i keep this a secret from everyone i know. i go to ted drews and i eat the ice cream because it is good. but deep down, i know that there is better. i know it in my heart and nobody can take it away from me.

(i hope that literally anyone from stl or missouri in general finds this confession. can somebody back me up on this??? or am i crazy???)

while im talking about it, i might as well rank other missouri/stl food and traditions.

toasted raviolis: 10/10. life changing. you have to try these at least once in your life

gooey butter cake/cookies: 6/10. good taste, but very dense, buttery, and heavy for me. like they are so dense

stl pizza/imos pizza: 10000/10. everyone gets really fired up about stl pizza, which is very amusing to me. you either love it or hate it. listen to me when i say this: i know that stl pizza is abnormal. i know it is alarming. but just give it a chance if youre ever in town. please. trust me on this one.

provel cheese: 5/10. meh, im just kind of used to it. it doesnt really stand out to me. i only discovered a couple years ago that provel is a st louis thing. people claim that it isnt real cheese, but i think that is bullshit. what is paint if not a bunch of color mixed together? should painters only use home crushed berries to paint? no. embrace change. INNOVATION!

having to tell a joke/sing a song/do a dance before receiving candy on halloween: 0/10. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS. RICKY WHEN I CATCH YOU RICKY.... WHY. i am the most socially inept person out there. the LAST thing i needed as a kid was for old people to DEMAND i tell them a shitty knock knock joke before forking over one measly almond joy. to be fair, coming up with jokes was always one of my fondest memories of halloween. its just such a strange tradition and i dont care enough to research how it came to be.

anyways, this was a very big backed confession. but whatever. i hope that all my silly little missouri folks of tumblr find this post <3 missouri? misery? is there a difference? there is not.

 

[technicoloryuri]

A/S/L?

I never learned sign language

Fr tho, I'm 23, was given a schlong to me by the outer gods but i am a woman (take that liberals), and I'm currently living in the state of misery, but I'm told it's spelled "Missouri"

[providing-leverage]

Us looking at blank/trash fire documents 😔

How's the writing going? Mine is going badly

as per usual, my friend, we are holding hands. instead of writing, i'm working on my pointless mission of having at least one song named after every single state and territory of the united states of america in my spotify liked songs. i've done a bunch out of order but now i'm going alphabetically to make sure i get them all.

[juiceboxarchive]

I know the PaRappa the Rapper joke is old hat now but I think it'd be funny to have the "I am in misery" clip from Maroon 5 and then have PaRappa say "YOU are in MISSOURI!

[pattonvirglsanders]

Criminal Minds as things my friends have said pt. 3

Mostly Emily though because she’s as chaotic as my friend group

Hotch: We are not to make friends with the flies-

Garcia: Well then you’re a noodle!

Alvez: What type of noodle?

Garcia: A weak noodle!

Alvez: Weak isn’t a type of noodle!

Garcia: Then you’re spaghetti!

Emily: No not spaghetti, it’s too nice. What about that weird chickpea pasta?

Emily: I do not want heterosexual skittles!

Garcia: What does SCA stand for?

Emily: Some Caucasian A-

Hotch: Put the Expo cleaner down

Reid: This is an obscene amount of triangles

Emily: The cat loves getting high at our house

Garcia: Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things

Emily over text: *sending you good vibes and the permission to commit 1 felony*

Emily: Here’s some deathcore *rickrolls the entire room*

Emily: Life is a lot tastier the less morals you have

Garcia, very drunk: Am I a horse?

Reid: It’s time for some ✨ty✨ -lenol

Morgan: There were a lot of weeds in Missouri.

Emily: You did weed in misery?!?!?

Emily: It’s not funny haha it’s funny hoho

Emily: I am at minimum 2 ants

[posting-for-the-void]

Things Kansas Farm Boy Clark Kent would actually say/do, as hypothesized by someone from Rural Central Kansas

bear with me, i am spitballing here so much

Kansans do the midwest “Ope, let me squeeze by ya’ there.”

Pronouncing Missouri like “Misery.” Kansans don’t like Missouri because of the bushwhackers who crossed the border to illegally vote pro-slavery when Kansas was still a territory. This is our modern revenge.

He wouldn’t have a strong twang, but people in Metropolis would definitely notice it.

Clark would probably put an inordinate amount of pepper on his scrambled eggs

Explaining the concept of “winter wheat” whenever someone asks why there’s green in the fields in October

One-finger farmer wave when driving. If you see people you know, you lift your pointer finger off the wheel.

Speaking of driving, he probably has been driving on his own since he was 14, which is when you can get a Farm Permit in Kansas.

Not necessarily related but Smallville definitely has a death board. Ours is in front of the post office, and whenever someone dies it displays the name, obituary, and funeral time and location so the little old people without internet can get there.

That’s my headcanon and I will Die By It

Anyways

“Well, K-State has been more of a football school for a while now, and obviously KU is better at basketball.”

“Oh, you’re from [rural school on the other side of the state]? Yeah, we ran against y’all in State Track when I was in high school, I think.”

“McPherson is not ‘Western Kansas.’ It’s not Western Kansas until there are less than five trees in your sight.”

Probably thinks beef tastes better in Kansas than in Metropolis

Would say “y’all,” Wouldn’t say pretty much any other stereotypical southern thing.

Probably can sing at least the first verse of “Home on the Range”

would call lunch “Dinner” and dinner “Supper”

idk that’s all i can think of right now

[dxppercxdxver]

considering myself tagged by @starfoozle list nine no-skip albums (because i am Procrastinating :)) whoopsies)

limiting myself to No EPs and No Musical Soundtracks just to better embody the spirit of this prompt lmao

this is. probably the most accurate i'll get with my shitty memory lmao

in order: splendor & misery - clipping., the bifrost incident - the mechanisms, danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys - my chemical romance, punisher - phoebe bridgers, pure heroine - lorde, the idyll opus (i-vi) - adjy, i think she's dead - evan, postcards from a churchyard - missouri surf club, and past // present // future - meet me @ the altar :]

i love me a good narrative album let's be real

tagging: @natdrinkstea, @nico-demons, @chiropteracupola, @firstmatedville, @sailorpants, and @haijinks :3

[lizzy-bennet]

Missing out on Night 1 of The Eras Tour in Kansas City, MO like I am not in Missouri right now, I am in Misery. 

[rocketonthemoon]

yo rocket i miss fucking random asks too here's one. what kind of funny shit do kansas kc and missouri kc residents say abt each other?

I can't speak for the Missourians but pretty much Kansan Kansas Citizens (Citiens? Citians? no idea) have been using that "I am in Misery" vine joke for decades.

Probably the Missourians say shit like the city is ACTUALLY in their state but as we have all the working/good roads leading to and from the city that's not much to go on

[vexic929]

You're from Missouri? Damn.

*insert Maroon 5 singing "I am in misery" but it's Missouri instead*

lol yeah it sucks (send help)

[whore-4-drewstarkey]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

hahah thank you for tagging me @slut4drudy and @runningfrom2am glad to know ppl actually want to know more about me. 🤭

1. Are you named after anyone?: yeah, my middle name is my moms middle name and my grandmas and my great grandmas and i think one of my aunts… 😒 (i hate it because it’s basic 😭)

2. When was the last time you cried?: last week…. i hit a fucking coyote on the highway and started crying. i’m horrible i know ✋🏻 no need to tell me. i even tried to dodge it and was tbh probs close to hitting the car in the lane next to mine. i’ve just come to the conclusion i suck at driving.

3. Do you have kids?: no 😭 but i better have some. and it better be with a hot, tall man who can actually tan because i don’t want my children being cursed with my poor genetics of being short and pale as a ghost to where the sun literally reflects off my skin 😭 it’s horrible. i hate it. it’s unfair. and before anyone says “use tanning lotion” babe it doesn’t fucking work on me. i got those strong scottish/celtic genes.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?: idk probably just a little bit?? note: i’m going through this reading my answers and have realized i am quite sarcastic. my apologies luvies.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?: played basketball in the third grade but never again because kids in my tiny town are stupid geezers who make fun of you if you’re not perfect even though they sucked too. i mainly stuck with marching band like a good, innocent girl that i am🤭

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?: their vibe? and maybe their style? idek

7. Scary movies or happy endings?: HAPPY ENDINGS. i cant take scary movies. i get too scared 😂 i just hide my face the WHOLE time.

8. Any special talents?: i know how to play the flute if that counts. and a tad bit of piccolo. i played the flute for 7 years in school. i don’t play it much now but i still know how to play OH and read music for the most part. i’m so cool.

9. Where were you born?: missouri of all places 💀 i hate it here. get me out. it’s misery not missouri. the amount of morons in this state baffles me every day. legit. like people here are so absurd it hurts my brain.

10. What are your hobbies?: i like traveling. i have only traveled on my own. i’ve never taken a trip with someone where flying is involved. so i save my money and blow it all on a trip like once a year…. i’m terrible with money. next stop is nyc 🥳 maybe i’ll fun in to brooke starkey and say she’s a queen and fashion icon (i’ll pretend i don’t know her. just be like omg i love that outfit!)

11. Do you have any pets?: like personally mine? i used to… but then she got mauled to death by my sister’s dog 4 years ago💀 (i have to joke about it or i’ll be depressed for the next year again) (after she died my ass didn’t give a shit about myself and was lowkey reckless while driving and didn’t eat and hardly showered) nah but my family has 4 springers who are crackheads.

12. How tall are you?: 5’4 1/2 but i leave off the half. i’m the shortest in my family and get teased by it all the time 😌 that’s okay though. i need a tall man to reach the higher shelves anyways.

13. Fave subject in school?: math because i was in advanced math in high school and never tried but was getting C’s and some B’s. i think it just came naturally to me.

14. Dream job?: zoologist or marine biologist. that’s what i planned on doing until i dropped out of community college and then decided to go back but then dropped out again 💀 i cant make this shit up bro. all in under 2 1/2 years #slay

15. Eye color?: i get to flex on this one to all my drew/rafe girlies… i have like light blue eyes which pairs well with my egg white skin tone. ✌🏻 hahahaha. they get even more blue when i cry. so often.

[finmoryo]

Every time the line "I am in misery" from Maroon 5's Misery gets stuck in my head, it's always accompanied by a vision of the state of Missouri shaded in red on a white map, spinning.

[deamazed]

@wristful / nick: don’t be a drama queen.

There are two things that Nick has never let me live down: the control he thinks I execute over his life, and the pre-nup. I swore, back in New York, that I would never be that woman — the nagging bitch of a wife, the ball-and-chain, the gaoler that cracks the whip when her sweet, innocent man doesn’t bend or break the exact way she wants. We’re in this together. We’re perfect, and equal, and we challenge each other. The pre-nup has somehow emasculated him and turned him into an age-appropriate version of his father. (Fucking bitch. Stupid fucking cunt. Oh, it’s like the mirror’s turned on sweet hubby and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.)

I think our problems have stemmed from that piece of paper.

There’s a pair of panties in his pocket that I know aren’t mine. Half the time, he reeks of another woman’s pussy with the undertones of bourbon. He falls into bed, dick wet and hammered, and on more than one occasion wraps an am around me to grope my right tit. This man of mine... more than anything, he thinks I’m fucking stupid. That’s the biggest insult of it all. The lazy, stupid slob of a man that snores and picks his nose when he thinks I’m not watching — the man who balances the styrofoam kebab boxes on top of the kitchen trashcan because Amy can’t stand that, Amy’ll take it out — HE thinks I’M the fucking idiot.

Maybe I am. I mean, I moved to the tumbleweed state for him, didn’t I? I always think it’s amusing how close Missouri is to misery. He hates when I voice that — he hates when I even think about bringing up moving home. (My home, reader. New York. Manhattan, to be precise.) 

“I’m not being a drama queen, Nick. I’m your wife. Not your mom.” Maybe that was a little pointed. Maybe I know he’s going to react to that, and I’m so fucking ready it’s unreal. Do something, Nick. Stand up. Hit me. Walk out. Do anything, except sit on that stupid fucking couch, thumb up your asshole and masturbating into your 20-year-old girlfriend’s undies. Go on. Bite back. My mom’s dead. Say it. That’s not fair, Ames. Do it. Hit me. Choke me. Get off your fat fucking ass and make me sorry. 

“Clean up after yourself. Worn boxers go in the laundry bin.”