#i am in better shape than i thought tbh

[thistransient]

陽明山國家公園 // Yangmingshan National Park

[hadesisqueer]

When you think about Rangi from the perspective of others at the Yokoya Estate back when everyone thought Yun was the Avatar, it is genuinely so funny tbh.

Rangi was actually tall for a girl, in very good shape, always wearing her armor. She had military training and was clearly a very talented Firebender, so talented and well-prepared that she was chosen to be the Avatar's bodyguard. She was always serious and formal and just over all she is said to look very intimidating even when she doesn't try to.

So imagine being Hei-Ran just walking around the estate and then out of nowhere you see your military trained, very professional daughter fucking sprinting across the grounds and then you see that she stops and does as if she hadn't been running at all-- and it's just to meet with Kyoshi and to look cool in front of her.

But now fr Yun clearly realized what was going on between Rangi and Kyoshi at some point and honestly if I were him I wouldn't have stopped teasing Rangi over it lmao he was better than I am.

[mcmansionhell]

hark ye oakland county

Howdy folks! Today I've decided to return to a long-neglected place of terrible vibes, Oakland County, Michigan. The house on special is, one could say, fit for a king but like maybe one of those kings that sells used cars on tv in the wee hours of the night. Anyway:

This house, built during the ripe housing bubble era of 2002, will only cost the good sir a marginal $3.2 million. For such a pittance, one receives 4 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms, and around 5,000 square feet. Princely!

Now, you might be thinking that this house will be decked out in the cheesiest middle ages decor imaginable -- yes, Kate, surely you shall be showing us a cromulent McCastle specimen. Alas, nay, it is worse than that.

Here is my theory: the people who live in this house do not understand what houses are nor how one behaves in them. It's like Mark Zuckerberg trying to be human. Nothing, and I mean nothing in this house matches, coordinates, flows, or makes sense. It's subtle, yes, but when you start to notice it, it becomes infuriating.

yeah, you know what would look good in this mostly neutral room? a painting with a clown palette. good for the digestion.

Tbh I wish they stuck with the hokey castle thing instead of making a house that looks like a bank lobby.

There's a weird Dracula subtext going on here and it makes me uncomfortable.

I am trying to understand the thought process here. First: tray ceiling. ok. normal mcmansion stuff. Now we need the two narrowest windows WITH a big fanlight on top. OK SO instead of doing a tray ceiling in the middle of the room, what if we did like, a double soffit with recessed lights. Ok. BUT THEN WHAT ABOUT THE WINDOW?? Well we could move the window down two feet or replace it with a more normal window shape, you know one that makes a modicum of sense. However, for some reason that is unacceptable. Hence, moldus interruptus. And yet (and yet) we still want that tray ceiling look because this is 2002. So i guess?? nail on some moldings??? but they're brown because they have to match the doors instead of the white baseboards??????

???????????????

As a bonus, this room is the easiest for dressing up for Halloween.

You've got to give them credit where credit is due here. They had to find some kind of use for the McMansion foyer interzone despite the fact that it is a "room" with no walls that is clearly an oversized traffic area. It's like putting lounge chairs in the middle of an airport hallway.

Finally, the back side of this house which is marginally better than the castle stuff.

Anyway, thanks for joining me on this confounding journey. Bonus posts will be up tomorrow, and there's still time to catch me livestreaming terrible home design shows from the 90s on Thursday:

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including extra posts and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar, because I live in Chicago and winter heating bills are coming

[fuumiku]

Day 2 : Role Swap

Ok I have thoughts for this one bear with me. He’s a mage with a half-foot guild still but his activism is especially targeted towards half-foot mages specifically since they’re rare and so looked down upon (and the two are correlated).

Marcille scouts out places all Tomb Raiser style for lost treasures and knowledge, keeps maps and written info etc in her book. She’s still much of a scholar but more in an archeologist sense, she wants to discover the truth of dungeons and see if it could revolutionize the world. She’s a buildings and engineering nerd instead of magic nerd. She hypes herself up as a passionate cool rogue adventurer like in books✨ Chil thinks it’s a silly and unstable profession. All her um, grace and agility when doing headstands and dancing are coming through with this new role of hers.

Chil does need to borrow mana and so they hold hands a lot. I am so taking advantage of the mana transfer thing. "I’m out of mana, you’re an elf and you never use magic, give some to me! You have so much, don’t be selfish!!" -inparty fight breaks out as he chases after her and she runs away- I imagine that’s just kinda how he and half-foot mages roll? Dunmeshi-typical worldbuilding monologue that explains how "Most people don’t even use their mana, they don’t even learn magic. If you give me your mana I’ll be able to do more magic, win-win, no harm done." I imagine you have to be magic-savvy to be able to transfer mana to someone but it’s fine he can just steal it methinks 🌟 So he gets to be the one who’s very casual about physical touch. He does NOT want to be a healer it stresses him out but ah shit there Falin goes.

More AU details under cut

You’ve heard of onion knight now get ready for onion mage Y’know the saddest part of mage Chilchuck is that he wouldn’t use explosion spells

You know how Marcille uses her staff to grab people by the neck or head sometimes… Chilchuck would have a free choking stick he can use to make people listen to him. He can REACH THEIR NECKS . It doubles as a walking stick for his old man back… /j And a weapon, sort of. I think staff more than lance, but long weapons like that suit him I think. Holding the monster at bay with a 4 feet long stick like "Stay BACK!! Go for my party members shoo shoo!!!!"

From my observations, staffs for magic all have a ‘hole’ at one end, oh size, shape, material and form varying. For example both Marcille and Rin have a similar hoop, but Falin’s is a lantern which imo the metal frame of it and the glass form this hole I’m speaking of. Maybe it’s like, the staff condenses the magic inside the hole and helps channel it and give it form? What I’m saying here is I didn’t decide what it was made out of but I like to think it’s carved wood so it can be homemade but unique to him.

Marcille and Chil both fight in battles, but he stays where it’s safer and does long distance spells only. Marcile uses daggers probably… But yeah her role’s more being a scout rather than a fighter, while Chil’s role is being a magical fighter and his expertise on magical creatures and such.

I think he’d be self-taught, where it’s his own magic system… I think he likes theory more than vibes and working at the whims of creatures, so maybe elven with an half-foot script? He doesn’t seem like the type to get buddy-buddy with spirits much A bit like his cowl it’s like he always has a part of home with him a bit with his half-foot magic… He’d have sucked at the beginning, it’s pretty experimental magic, but he made it work and tbh he’s a Big Deal for it. Learning on the field ofc ofc he’s no honor student

I think the racial prejudices tension would be worse, because he’d be nervous of the whole ‘half-foots who get too curious about dark magic get taken away’, and I think as a half-elf who doesn’t do magic it might be uncomfortable for her to deal with how the half-foot is better at it than her and how her mana would have had better use with him instead of her? Idk brainstorming. I def think she’d habe more of a complex about being a half-elf… Still with existential dread and still Hopes to find a cure to death, but she goes about it through artefacts etc rather than magic. I’m unsure how her career would turn out that wqy exactly because job stability and academia are important to her, but yeah I think she went to school on an agricultural and history level and focused her research on that front? And then she could become that adventurer scholar who explores to pierce secrets of the world and ancient civilizations trope yeah I think that’s the angle.

Maybe his plans for the future after quitting being a dungeon diver would be teacher/mentor instead of shopkeeper 🤔 One one hand oh god have mercy on his blood pressure, on the other he likes contributing to his community and would want to encourage half-foot mages and pass down his knowledge and expertise I think. Empty nest syndrome where…- OHHH mage Meijack……. I was thinking becayse Meijack followed in his footsteps in canon but it could suit Puckpatti and Flertom too… Their dad would have shown them some magic tricks hehe. They can be a magical girl trio in my heart, Powerpuff Girls energy…

A rogue has gotta be able to make intricate af braids and updos with their fingers (ignore how in canon Chil is just barely decent at them nvm). I was thinking maybe one of Marcille’s lockpicks is Ambrosia-shaped… Or maybe it’s an hairpin. Maybe she keeps her lockpicks as pins in her hair but they’re easy to grab… Getting more gimmicky by the second but my heart yearns for it I cannot lie. I ended up doing something close to canon for Marcille’s outfits but at first I imagined she’d wear stuff more akin elven fashion, short dress with pants, light material, though also with a leather armor breastblate. She has long gloves like the ones that look fancy, maybe even up her upper arm rather than just forearm ooh… Also her little pouch, which actually contains stuff this time around (lockpicks). They still have matching pouches yay

In that last doodle Chilchuck weaved her a little familiar with twigs… So it is magical but it’s hers, and it’s a second stand-in for Ambrosia. Maybe a golem… It’s very silly and prob not real in the au but the thought of it is really cute. Someone on the discord said Fantastical Beasts Pickett which yesss lmao, it’s like a pokemon for "(lock)pick it!" I love arts and crafts Chilchuck so much. Sew clothes. Weave twigs. Woodcarve. Necromance a frankenstein. He can make himself a new wife (/J I AM SO /J)

Also for Izutsumi: I think the reverse of a ninja is a bard. Take that as you will. Angry bard who grew up in a troupe……

[serendipityandbenevolence]

Baizhu x Reader (Arranged Marriage)

I know this is a bit (lot) different to what I normally post on this account, but I am a SUCKER for arranged marriages in fanfic, so I am choosing to disregard my sagau roots (not permanently dw) It’s a bit out of my comfort zone, but I really hope it comes out well :)

Contains - You getting injured, you and baizhu having beef (enemies to lovers fr), you and baizhu not realising that you are engaged to each other, arranged marriage (duh) your dad kinda sucks tbh

It took you rolling your ankle to realise how bad an idea climbing a mountain unprepared was. Granted, when you had started climbing the mountain, you had thought you were prepared. Your clothing was (somewhat) practical, you had stolen a pair of your father’s shoes that he used when hiking and you had found a nice leather satchel to hold your snacks and hand shovel. 

It had been fine at first, nothing more than a pleasant hike, with bird chirping and a soft breeze whistling through the trees. But with every step you took, the path became steeper, the sun became hotter and the god-damned shoes you bothered from your father hurt more. They had seemed a bit large when you first put them on, but now it felt like you were going to trip over them with every step. 

Your clothes weren’t faring much better. Your good, practical clothing had caught on nearly every single branch and shrub you passed. You would have to hide them when you got home, because you did not want to have to explain to your parents exactly how your clothing got so tattered and torn. The only things that hadn’t let you down was the satchel and your snacks, although the snacks were long gone now, despite not even reaching the top of the mountain.

Looking back on the moment, it seemed almost like one of those comedy performances, that wandering artisans performed in the town square. It was ironic, truly, how quickly everything fell apart. A single stone in your path, that you hadn’t even noticed until you were stepping on it. Your father’s shoes skidded off it, causing your ankle to twist painfully and send you careening into a nearby bush, your shirt tearing even more as the branches scraped your skin. 

And there you lay, facedown in a bush in the middle of nowhere, close to the peak of a nearly abandoned mountain trail, with nothing but a satchel and a sprained ankle. 

All of this for a fucking flower.

It was silly, you were aware of that. Your mother had told you stories about a kind of flower that only grew on this particular mountain, whose petals formed a distinctive heart shape, and which was said to bless whoever received one with true love. It was cheesy, yes, but that didn’t stop many young men and women from climbing the mountain in order to pick them for their fiances. But as the years passed, the flowers became more and more sparse, thanks to the droves of hopeless romantics picking them all. And now, they are said to only be found at the very top of the mountain, where the lovers were too scared to climb.

You didn’t even know if Baizhu liked flowers. 

You’d never met him, which was surprising considering how long he’d been a client of your father. Your father, a renowned supplier of medicinal herbs, was thrilled when Baizhu first began working with him. Prior to that, all his business had been to local doctors and healers, but having a client in far-away Liyue Harbor excited him, especially a doctor of such a stellar reputation. 

You almost felt like you did know him, with how much your father talked about Baizhu. Every shipment of goods that was requested meant another long monologue over the dining table about how fortunate he was to have such a consistent and well-paying client. You almost asked your father if HE wanted to marry Dr Baizhu, but you thankfully refrained. 

You knew your father had been dropping hints to Baizhu for a while now, about how he hoped his child would be married soon, about how Baizhu surely must be so lonely without a spouse, about how Baizhu really just felt like he was part of the family already. What you hadn’t expected was for Baizhu to accept.

And now, here you were, a week out from your wedding and nearly passed out on the side of a road, trying to get that god-damned flower. 

There was no way that the situation could get any worse.

“Oh dear! Are you alright?”

Or maybe it could. 

You truly had the worst luck. How was it that during the most embarrassing moment of your life, a person had to appear? This was an abandoned trail! 

“Please … just leave me here. I’m already contemplating my life choices and regretting the actions I’ve taken to get here, my pride can’t take another hit.”

“I really… can’t just leave you here, you know that, right?” The voice, which you could now identify as male, sounded like it was trying to hold back laughter, while also truly sounding concerned.

“I assure you, you can. Please do. Keep continuing on your way.”

There was silence for a moment, and you almost allowed yourself to hope that whoever this man was had left, until you felt a pair of hands grab your shoulders and pull you out of the bush, depositing you in a rather undignified heap on the ground.  

“My sincerest apologies about your pride. Are you injured?”

You sighed and made your best effort to fix your hair, attempting to look less like you just fell into a bush. Your saviour had the audacity to look perfectly put together, with barely a hair out of place, despite having just hiked the same distance as you. Though he also looked far more prepared, with shoes that actually fit and an entire bag filled with supplies.

“Only the aforementioned pride and my ankle,” You sighed, looking down at the already bruised and swollen skin, then up at the nearly vertical path ahead of you.

“I truly hope you don’t plan on continuing to climb with that ankle of yours?” He questioned, squatting down to get a better view at your injury, laying a gentle hand upon it.

You chose to ignore the question, still hoping to find a way to get to the top of the mountain, instead taking the opportunity to stare at the man. He had the most intriguing golden eyes, with slitted pupils like a snake, which were sharply fixed on your ankle.

“Your lack of a response speaks wonders, so let me rephrase. You will not be continuing to climb with that ankle of yours.” His eyes met yours, looking for any argument.

“And how do you plan to stop me?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For a man who initially seemed so polite, he sure had a way of getting on your nerves. You’d spent the first 10 minutes of him carrying you back down the mountain (over his shoulder!) trying to convince him to put you down and when that hadn’t worked, you’d settled on silent treatment. But even that was testing your patience, you’d become tired of watching the sun creep towards the horizon, of listening to the birds singing up above, of resisting the urge to ask him what hair products he used to make his hair so silky.

“So…”

“Oh, you want to make conversation now? Finally given up on ignoring me?” He laughed at you, making you grit your teeth.

“Alright, I get it! You’re acting in my best interests by not letting me continue climbing the mountain, you don’t have to act all high and mighty about it!” You cut your angry tirade off with an annoyed huff, turning your face away from him.

“Why were you even climbing up there to begin with? It’s certainly not a beginners trail.”

��Oh, uhm, you know…”

“I certainly don’t know, which is why I’m asking you, but I appreciate the faith you have in thinking I can read your mind.”

You smacked his shoulder once, then a second time when you noticed he was laughing.

“But seriously… why?” He turned to face you, eyes searching your face for some sort of answer, before sighing and turning back towards the path.

You were silent for a long moment before remembering that this man had seen you half-knocked out in a bush on the side of a road. Your dignity was long gone.

“Don’t mock me for it, but I was going to try and find one of those flowers…”

“The True Love’s Bloom?”

“Yes and don’t you dare make fun of me for this, I get married in a week and I’m emotionally sensitive.”

“I wouldn’t dream of hurting your feelings and anyway, that’s what I was looking for as well.“ 

It took you a moment for it to sink it, before you turned to look at him.

“Really? I didn’t take you for the romantic type. Which poor soul got roped into marrying you?”

“I could say the same to you. Here I was, being nice to you and you repay it by insulting me? I’ll have you know, I was the one who got roped in. I think I would’ve had assassins sent after me if I refused one more time.”

You laughed and turned back around, but as you did, a small alcove in the nearby rock caught your eye. It was becoming darker by the second, but even with the fading light you could make out the shape of…

“Over there!”

The man paused and gave a sigh.

“This better not be a ploy to get me to put you down, so that you can do something potentially life endangering again.”

“The flowers! Over there!”

He turned his head and gave a small laugh of surprise as he spotted them too.

“Well, what do you know? Maybe being forced to carry you back down this hill was a blessing in disguise?” He wandered over to the sheltered patch of dirt, where, hidden from most prying eyes, were two perfect flowers.

He placed you down next to them and began rummaging through his bag, pulling out two shovels.

“I’ll have you know that I actually brought a shovel, I don’t need your equipment!”

“Really, how surprising. Did you bring a pot as well?”

“...”

“...”

“... can I borrow one of yours?”

“Well, I’ll have YOU know…”

And as your bickering echoed across the mountaintop, bringing life to the abandoned trails of a once vibrant mountain, the flowers almost seemed to grow just a little bit more.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Baizhu, what’s that flower sitting over by the window? I’ve never seen anything like it before?”

“Ah Traveler, you have a good eye! It’s called True Love’s Bloom. However, those are actually two flowers. My spouse and I planted them in the same pot when we got married all those years ago and they have grown together over time, becoming so intertwined we can’t separate them. I like to keep them close to me at work, to remind me of my dearest.”

“Your spouse? I didn’t know you were married!”

“You didn’t? I could’ve sworn I had mentioned it? Well then, I shall have to tell you the story of how we met. It all started with them stupidly trying to climb a mountain…”

Guys, this was so much longer than I intended wtf. This was supposed to be a SHORT STORY to go with two other arranged marriage stories. I seriously need to throw my plans out the window at this point. Anyway, I love writing sassy characters, even though im shit at banter, so hopefully this is good/funny?

[talas-first-lady]

Additional Wynonna Earp Vengeance thoughts

This is going to be all the spoilers. You have been warned.

First of all, things that brought me a lot of joy:

The first scene up until things went bad. Nedley. Mercedes. Being buddies. Everything Mercedes was wearing including her monogrammed fanny pack of fishing lures.

Mercedes being like “the face. Kill me if you must but do not harm the face.” And hey, props to Mina for listening?

Bunny Loblaw cameo. The woman just gets better every time.

Any and all Wayhaught physical activity.

The entire Wynonna and Doc intro in Tombstone. That was just pure 100% Wynonna perfection.

“No we will NOT be redoing those stairs. They are very important to me for reasons.” - Nicole Haught

Every comment from Wynonna about how drunken brawling is actually precisely what Mercedes would have wanted at her wake (although I think Mercedes would have wanted more male strippers tbh).

I am typing this as I walk my dogs and we just passed a gold penis-shaped piece of confetti on the sidewalk outside a bar. Mercedes Gardner: never truly gone.

There was some quality Earp sister time that I did enjoy although it was slightly off (see Waverly discussion).

I am very much not up on current music so I didn’t get 100% of the references but Doc talking to Waverly about Megan Thee Stallion is what I came for.

Wistful comment about friend from Arizona. Thank you, Doc. Sorry your new bf was a tool.

The conversation between Wynonna and Nedley at the cemetery was perfect and should have happened years ago.

The fact that no one for a moment doubted that the three people Wynonna loves most are Waverly, Alice… and Nicole. I will be a Wynnaught shipper till the day I die.

Wynonna going to hell was pretty badass.

Nedley hitting hellhounds with his truck.

No pyramid schemes!

Now for the complaints.

At no point did they convince me that Mina was actually worse than all the demons they’ve faced before. Really? Sure, she doesn’t follow Revenant rules, but they’ve dealt with Bulshar. She does not remotely compare.

I also didn’t really buy the backstory stuff: Wynonna trying to impress a bunch of mean girls by summoning a demon for them? Taking them to the homestead at all? None of that felt true to her. I also don’t know why the group home girls were just suddenly back in Purgatory. (Also Dawson’s Freaks is the STUPIDEST.)

I think maybe Mina would have worked with a full season of build-up, but this was just not enough time.

I’m really pissed off about Mercedes surviving everything just to be murdered as a plot device. I love her, ok? She deserves better.

I am less pissed about Doc because I think they handled it decently - one last epic shootout, burying him in the spot where he wanted to raise Alice, the symmetry with burying Dolls (on the same hill, I think?), letting him come to terms with aging and dying. But it was so unnecessary. And so rushed: we never got to see anyone’s reaction but Wynonna’s (and Jeremy’s wildly out of character non-reaction). He was such an important character and we never got to say goodbye properly.

Not enough Jeremy.

Nicole’s attitude towards Wynonna up until that big don’t tell Waverly moment just made me so sad. I love their dynamic. I don’t know what happened.

In general, it felt like Nicole majorly backslid.

Biggest problem, though: Waverly. And I’m going to be upfront here and say that I was never as enamored with Waverly as a lot of people are. But I did like her and this didn’t feel like Waverly.

I think it’s fantastic that Dom has come out and become more comfortable in their skin and that they didn’t force them back in the girly Waverly box for this.

But I think they changed too much. Physically, the hair, the nose ring, the tattoos, the wardrobe choices (the wifebeater? The bolo tie?). But there was also her behavior. Jumping into a bar fight aggressively after relatively minor provocation was a lot. There was nothing of the light, bubbly Waverly left aside from a craft room. It just felt like part of her died. Like something happened over those 5 years that traumatized her worse than the stuff we actually witnessed. And Nicole being so unconcerned about it.

Anyway, that’s most of it?

[highlordofkrypton]

Re: romantic affection

@peoplesidk, I'm gonna reply to your question here instead of reblogging bc I prefer just having mutuals see. This got long, I'm so sorry, you don't have to read the whole things.

I don't mind expanding on my second point, I'm not sure if it's relatable because it's 100% my personal issues that I am working through slowly but surely. I just hope that if anyone sees this (since it's public, and esp if they're not my mutuals!), they have the empathy to understand that it's not a debate, it's personal, if you know what I mean. BUT if it does help someone, then this is why I'm reblogging!!

tw: trauma dump? kind of?

So, I was raised in an environment that I didn't even know was considered "abusive" and or "neglectful" until much later in life when I found out I was depressed and sought help at school w/ their free therapy. Also, I still don't think it was that abusive or neglectful, some of it was just two people doing the best they can with the tools they had in an unfamiliar place.

Context:

I have no siblings, I am the eldest child born in a 'first world country' to the 'eldest child' of my mother's family (and my father was the first of his family to come here as well). Both of them achieved amazing things in helping their numerous siblings get a better life, etc. That said, not only was I parentified (bc they did not speak the main language here well enough to understand any official documents) as a child, but I was held to a standard that I needed to lead the cohort, achieve more and do it alone.

My parents raised me from a young age telling me 'you are alone, you have no siblings, we will not be around to help you' in the sense that anything can happen. Plus, they were generally absent, working multiple jobs to make ends meet and I was... alone. Most of my childhood memories is being alone, tbh.

Add in the fact that I think my mother was bullied most of her life, and took that out on me (and still does, but eh, I can take care of myself I don't listen anymore). It kind of fucked up the way my brain works.

I have certain beliefs about myself that are very contradictory to the way I move in the world.

I'm a shitty and nasty person vs. many people in my life, and even people I cross on a day to day basis, think I'm genuinely wonderful, positive and appreciate having me around. I do go out of my way to be kind, but I don't feel kind.

I'm fat, ugly, disgusting vs. literally nobody I know thinks that, and many of my close friends think I'm super in shape, I'm just not leaned out (think curvy and strong)

I cannot trust anyone to take care of me vs. I'm allowed to pause and not have to manage everything -- I only learned this year that I can ask my girlfriends to plan brunch, it doesn't have to be me all the time.

I have not earned the right to be loved (and the counter of 'merit of love' is reset with each interaction) vs. I don't have to do anything to be worthy of affection, I can just ... exist?

On the same point, I do not know how to exist in a way that isn't fearing that anyone in my life can turn on me at any moment, so I have learned not to bother being vulnerable + being vulnerable makes me a burden. I am not accomplishing my task of exceeding, accomplishing, leading the way.

(Also, my first and last relationship was super traumatic, so I don't think love is real at this point.)

THAT SAID, sorry for the long trauma dump, there's a point, I swear. In the examples above, you'll see that my negative and toxic thoughts are invalidated by the wonderful people in my life. I'm not relying on them to 'fix me' or combat my toxic thought processes, but ever since I moved out (and I work from home), I'm alone more often than not. I don't want to always rely on my friends to have to reset my brain.

I am told I do fantastic things, but I do not believe it. I am programmed to exceed, or perform well enough in a lot of things I do, but I seek validation, so it comes off as me begging for attention when 'I already know I'm good'. So, I can't help but wonder if a part of me longing for anyone who is kind, and who's interests align with mine, is just me kind of... wanting that 'peace of mind' because someone does love me enough to want to spend a lot of time with me.

I just think it'd be really nice to feel like someone cares enough about me (as a person and not the things I can do for them), but I don't think that's romantic attraction at all. It's just one soul yearning not to be lonely? Do I even have the capacity anymore to let someone in like that? Who knows.

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, MIGHT DELETE THIS LATER I'M KIND OF EMBARASSED NOW

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Does gojo just fight for the thrill of it?…

Idkk I’m really confused tbf the manga really puzzled me 😭😭 (IM GONNA GO ON A RANT BEAR WITH ME PLSS 🙏 LOLL)

The afterlife chapter and how it’s shown, that he just fought sukuna for the thrill of it and not to protect others (students). I think that was implied by nanami when he called gojo a freak for enjoying and getting a thrill out of fighting them, while most sorcerers take it more seriously in a sense where they’re fighting for their lives and to survive/not get killed.. also what even is gojos motivation to keep going? This is a question I ask myself alot!! Is it his entire upbringing and how it was drilled into his head that he’s a weapon meant to be used or is it that he sincerely enjoys exorcising curses and it makes him feel superior (I find the latter more uncharacteristic of him tbh since why would he just do it for the sake of it?? It’s definitely draining to go on missions constantly and shoulder the responsibility of saving the world.. so does he view himself as some sort of a curse exorcising machine?…

Also many ppl on twitter call him selfish and uncaring towards others (his students,colleagues..) since he didn’t kill sukuna right after he got unsealed and waited for a month when sukuna got much stronger? Where he could’ve just finished sukuna off instead of dragging it into the shinjuku arc…

Also I really hate how in general gojo our smoll pookie baby gets soooo mischaracterized and gets called selfish, a philanderer, red flag, uncaring towards EVERYONE?? Some ppl even go as far as to say that he has a chronic god complex. <———— THIS ALL DRIVES ME INSANEEE

however, I kinda do think he has a superiority complex going on… Since he was put on a pedestal since birth and everyone praises him and considered him as the strongest and some kind of hero who’s only job/purpose is to constantly keep saving the weak… This may have gotten into his head a lil too much which shaped his perspective into him believing he’s superior than the other people who he must save from curses etc..

I WOULD LOVEEE LOVEEE YOUR TAKE ON THIS MY DEAREST ARI PLSS SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS (even if it’s multiple paragraphs 😋) ❤️❤️❗️

P.S I’m a new anon so call me bunny anon for any future asks 🥺

hiiiiii there my dearest little bunny anon!!!!! is this emoji okay? 🐰 or would you prefer this? 🐇 i’ll go with the former for now but please tell me if you’d like the other one instead <33333

NOWWW . okay okay okay. this was super interesting to answer, thank you sm for sharing your thoughts and letting me do the same!!!! and please keep in mind that this is all really just my own take :3 but i do have a loooot of thoughts abt this + the sukugo fight in general, so!!! buckle up.

long discussion + spoilers for chap. 236 under the cut!!

ALRIGHT . SO . i’m gonna try to adress everything in this ask but i am in fact scatterbrained so please bear with me 😭😭😭

well, first of all — yes, gojo absolutely fights for the thrill of it. the sukugo fight is a great example of this because it’s the only fight we see gojo let completely loose, but it’s an even better example because it also proves that gojo fights for a lot more than that. he obviously enjoys fighting, but i think you’d be missing a lot of key points of his character if you tried to say that’s all he fights for, you know? we know that gojo is fighting and training for the sake of making a change, of nurturing others, but more than anything else — gojo fights because that’s all he knows how to do. he was raised as a weapon. of course he’d grow to love fighting!! he literally has no choice but to live the life he was born into, and that’s the life of a weapon. weapons exist to kill.

i think his love for fighting is sincere, but it’s also a direct effect of being born as the strongest — do you see what i’m saying? gojo enjoys the thrill of a good fight, but there’s a lot more to it than that. and i personally think that he views fighting as a way to connect with others, not just an adrenaline rush. that’s kind of the whole point of the sukugo fight — they’re reaching out for each other.

aaaand that brings me to my second point!! i think the sukugo fight is like…. the most important fight to examine when discussing gojo’s character, because it tells us so much about him and why he fights in the first place. in this case — the manga almost outright states that he was fighting to teach sukuna about love. and this following part is just my own take!!!! but i think gojo cared about that on a personal level, that went beyond his duty to exorcise sukuna as a curse. gojo cared about sukuna. i think this is undeniable and that alone proves that he was fighting for something other than the thrill of it. he was having fun, but it wasn’t just because of the violence — it was because of sukuna himself.

(stan sukugo btw)

and!!! it was also because of his students!!! i think this point is also undeniable. i reaaaalllyyy disagree with anyone who thinks gojo doesn’t care about them because it’s so …. obvious??? that he does???? he may not be the perfect father figure that the fandom often depicts him as (<- not complaining btw i eat that shit up), but he’s a good teacher. and he cares for them. he’s fighting sukuna for a lot of reasons, one of them being his love for megumi, who i’d argue is like a younger brother to him / the most important person to him since suguru died. <- that’s just my own hc really, but either way gojo cares for him!!! it’s obvious that he’s fighting with his students in mind, because he mentions them so many times. he is fighting to protect them. his character is built on a desire to nurture the youth, even at his own expense.

(he loves them!!!!!!)

so, with that out of the way — let’s talk about nanami’s comment in 236. because i think a LOT of people misinterpreted it completely 😭😭 nanami mentions a scene back in premature death, where he exhaustedly asks geto why they can’t just leave everything to gojo. he then proceeds to say that gojo never cared about keeping sorcery going, or protecting people, and that his strength was all built on self satisfaction.

panels for reference:

…. but notice that nanami is speaking in past tense. he mentions a moment in his youth, and follows it up with what his thought process was during that moment — to put things really simply, nanami isn’t talking about our gojo in this scene, he’s talking about gojo during his teenage years. the reason why the cast appears as teenagers in this scene isn’t just because that’s when gojo was happiest, but also to highlight how far he’s come as a person. how much suguru’s defection changed him and his values. teen!gojo wasn’t a bad person by any means, but he was definitely more selfish than gojo is now. teen!gojo cared about the people around him, but he did fight for self-satisfaction above all else.

our gojo doesn’t. our gojo fights to protect people, to make sure no one is lonely — not even sukuna — and because he has to. because he enjoys it, but also because it’s his duty to do so. there is absolutely a purpose behind gojo’s fighting. he’s matured a lot. he cares about a lot.

so, to answer your question properly: yes, gojo fights for the thrill of it. he also fights for a lot of other things.

[rahuratna]

Hi! I have a one am musing 🥹

I was rewatching jjk season one (I still haven’t finished season two but I need to cope LOL) and now I’m able to pick up all the little details we talked about before. *heart melts*

It’s so crazy to me how in the very beginning Nanami didn’t acknowledge Yuji as a sorcerer, and by the end, he told Yuji to be the one to take over from here. It’s so bittersweet…

Tbh, the very first time I watched that episode, I was super shocked and thought Nanami was patronizing Yuji. And then I learned that wasn’t the case. He was being very matter-of-fact about it and knows Yuji has a lot of room to grow 🥹💕💕

Yuji was super eager to prove himself to Nanami, and then Nanami was like “frankly I don’t give a shit.” But in reality, he really does as he gets to learn more about Yuji, and so while I was terribly upset with s2 ep 18, his last words were the perfect conclusion.

(This is just a side note but I like it more when writers show off Nanami’s practical-minded nature more. How it may seem cold and standoffish at first but it wasn’t intended that way. I wish I got to see more of Nanami being blunt with criticism since different people could react differently to it and it’s who he is!)

———-

I also realized that Gojo got new glasses LMAO. Didn’t see it before, but his high school ones were circular and his newer ones are more oval. I kinda glossed over it when he shops for new glasses in the “Lost in Paradise” ending. I personally like his high school sunglasses better. What about you?

Hi! And thanks for these lovely 1 am musings. It always makes my day to see one waiting for me 🤭 I also needed to take a moment to cope before moving on with season 2 (didn't help much, but necessary).

Nanami initially struck me as very contradictory, because there he was, taking a jab at the system (in his capacity as both a salaryman and as a sorcerer), saying that "work is shit", but also bowing formally to a teenager when he introduced himself and wearing a full business suit to kill curses!

I saw his lack of acknowledgement of Yuuji as another "fuck you" to the system. Here was Yuuji, a vessel to one of the most powerful curse users to ever exist, and he was essentially treating him as just another kid. I didn't necessarily see it in a good or bad light, it just struck me as a very deliberate choice on Nanami's part.

Of course, his later actions and his background showcased these things in a completely new way. Like you said, he cares a great deal for Yuuji and the younger generation of sorcerers. The fact that his last words to Yuuji were "you take it from here" is such a fitting culmination to his character arc.

He saw his duty as a guardian and protector of the young and the weak finally coming to an end, because they were now able to protect themselves better than he could. He saw Yuuji as completely fitting of carrying his legacy forward, and so let him know that he could now pass in peace.

I, also, wish we could have seen more of Nanami's interactions with others. The way Ijichi is actually more terrified of Nanami scolding him than anything else, describing him as the 'ultimate adult' or something along those lines, will never not be funny to me. Especially since Nanami is the type of man to never raise his voice in a professional setting. His pragmatic nature would probably have given us many more moments of misunderstandings, sweetness and humour, should it have been explored in greater detail.

------------

As to Gojo's sunglasses, I do like the older style better! They reflected a lot of his irreverent, cheeky and offbeat personality. I suppose the oval shape is a style choice that changed as he grew older and matured, but yeah, I definitely preferred round lenses better!

[summerlove-r]

Change?

After seeing the outfit you'll be going out in, Eddie tries convincing you to change. When his words fail to persuade you he tries convincing you in other ways.

Eddie Munson x reader

Word Count: 2790

Warnings: Smut, hickeys, oral f and m receiving, multiple orgasms f receiving, slight hair pulling, clitoral stimulation, face fucking, pet names: baby, sweetheart, babe, kinda rushed tbh

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“Does this eyeshadow look okay with my outfit, Eds? Or should I change to the lighter pink top?” You were applying lipgloss to your lips when you noticed the unmatching shades. “Or maybe I should put a lighter shade on my lid? And like blend it? What do you think I should do?... Eddie?” You turned around realizing you were basically talking to yourself with the lack of Eddie’s response. You found him digging through your many jeans that were thrown onto your floor when you were first picking out your outfit. You ended up with a jean mini-skirt and a pink top that exposed more than half of your stomach.

“What are you doing?” You asked with a cocked brow. “I think one of these will look better with your outfit,” Eddie mumbled looking for jean pants that best matched the color of your skirt. “Really?” You asked with wide eyes. “I tried all of those on twice and I thought this looked best.” You frowned believing his lie about wanting you to put pants on. “Here they are.” Eddie smiled getting up from his knees to his feet. He handed you the dark material nearly tripping over your pants that were left on the floor. “You think these will look better?” You giggled taking them from him. Eddie’s eyes were round, really hoping you would take his fashion advice.

“Eds, these are the jeans I wear on laundry day…” You smiled. The jeans Eddie picked were baggy, they definitely hid your figure. something you’d rather not wear in public as you are very confident in your body and like showing it off. “Yeah… You’ll look great, babe.” Eddie gave a nervous smile. You looked into his eyes and everything finally clicked. “Eddie!” You gasped. “You’re trying to sabotage my outfit!” You said and lightly smacked his chest. You made your way back over to your vanity and sat down in your comfortable chair. You took one of your smaller makeup brushes and searched for a lighter pink that would best match your shirt. Once it was found, you dipped it into the square-shaped shadow.

“I’m just- I don’t want you going out like that” Eddie said and you pressed the bristles to your eyelid. “What do you mean, Eddie? I always dress like this.” Eddie walked over to the back of your chair and placed his hands on the back of it. Eddie watched as you tried your best to copy what you did to your left eye to your right. “It sounds bad, babe… And I don’t want to seem controlling… I want you to change. I just won’t be there to protect you like I usually am, you know?”

“But no one ever messes with me?” You furrowed your brows looking at him through your large mirror. “Because I am always with you…” Eddie said making you giggle at his very true words. You couldn't remember the last time you went out with your friends without Eddie. You turned around and placed your hands on top of his. “What do you want me to do, Eddie?” You sighed. “Change?” Eddie said quietly. “Besides that.” You whined.

“Wear a jacket at least?” Eddie said and relaxed his shoulders. “It’s so hot, Eds… Summer.” You reminded. “But the moon is out,” Eddie said quickly. You sighed and reached for one of the bobby pins that were scattered all across your vanity. “How should I wear my hair, Eds?” You said grabbing some of your hair and pulling it back. “Down.” He simply replied. “Because you want my hair to hide my shoulders?” Your lips went into a pout. “I can’t believe I’m just now noticing why you like my hair down so much.” You frowned but still went with his idea. “Oh come on, that’s not true, babe. I just like your hair like that. Natural.” Although you didn't fully believe him you couldn't help but blush. You smiled to yourself and turned back to your mirror. “Okay, I think I am ready.” You mumbled to yourself as your eyes flew from one feature of your face to the next. Double checking to make sure your makeup is perfect.

A smirk slowly made its way to your boyfriend's face. You sat up from your chair, smoothing your skirt down. “Okay, be serious. Does my outfit go with my makeup?” You turned to face him however your head was down looking at your clothes that hugged your body perfectly. Eddie walked over to you, he put his hands low on your hips.”Babe?” He asked making you lift your head up. Your faces were inches away from each other. “Hm?” You hummed with a smile. Content with how close you were to your boyfriend. “How about you just stay, yeah?” He mumbled and pushed your hips into his. You giggled, “I know what you’re trying to do, eds.”

Eddie placed his lips on yours. Your freshly applied lip gloss sticking to his lips. This was something that bothered Eddie when you first started dating. But as time went on he grew to absolutely love it. “Do you think you could fall for it?” Eddie said kissing your cheek and going down to your neck. “I dunno, maybe… Be more convincing.” You told him. Eddie began to suck on your skin making you squeal and push him away. “Eddie! No hickeys, remember? It's too hot to wear clothes that cover.” You reminded. “Don’t hide them…” kiss “This is how people…” kiss “Will know not to…” kiss “Mess with you.” You sighed feeling Eddie’s tongue graze over your upper collarbone. You looked over to the clock. You had about thirty minutes till you had to leave. Seeing the amount of time you had left seemed to make the heat in between your legs grow. Your mind went wild thinking of all the things you and Eddie could do in thirty minutes.

“Stay, please. I’ll make it worth your while.” Eddie mumbled with a smile against your lips. You kissed him again. “Mhm.” You nodded and pulled Eddie toward your bed. Not taking your lips off each other for a second. You hopped onto the bed, Eddie quickly followed your actions and crawled on top of you. You pulled your skirt up around your waist and wrapped your legs around Eddie. You hummed into his mouth as you felt his hard-on through his jeans. Eddie snuck his hand down and began softly rubbing you over your panties. You bucked your hips up trying to increase the pleasure. “Tsk. Tsk. Be patient, pretty girl. We have all night.” “Eddiee! You know we don’t.” You whined grinding your hips up into his. “You still want to go with your friends? Think of how much fun you’d have with me here.” Eddie nipped at your neck. “Us here all night… Doing anything and everything to each other.” The thought made you shiver. Usually, you would want nothing more than that but you were really looking forward to girls' night.

“Please just stay. I promise I’ll make you cum so many times you won’t even remember the names of the friends you’re supposed to be meeting with.” Eddie pulled your shirt up just below your breasts. His hands, especially his rings were cold against your rib cage which was surprisingly warm with the lack of your shirt. Eddie kissed your warm skin and went down to your hips, and finally to your core. He licked you over your panties humming at your taste. He pulled your panties to the side and spit at your clit. “Love this cunt.” He said before latching his lips to your bud. You whined as he sucked harshly. “Eddie, just like that please.” You moaned. Your legs tightened around his head as his tongue rapidly flicked over your bundle of nerves.

“Eddie- Eds, please. Fuck- Please don’t stop.” You begged. Your hands found their way to his hair. You tugged on his locks, knowing he likes that. A sudden moan escaped your lips feeling as he hummed into you. He fiddled with his rings, trying to get them off as quickly as possible. The last time he fingered you with his rings on it didn't go well. Once finally off he circled your very wet entrance. He put the tip of his finger inside of you before quickly taking it out. “Eddie?” You asked confused as to why he took his finger out of you. He removed his tongue from your clit and replaced it with his thumb. “I love making you cum from just this.” He said referring to your clit. “You cum so quick it's adorable. I dunno if I’m that good or if you’re just easy…. Either way, I love it.” You moaned, his words seemed to tip you over the edge. Eddie watched as your hips twitched. “There we go, pretty girl. Go ahead and cum.” He said and you squeezed around nothing. Your eyebrows furrowed from pleasure feeling your orgasm take over your whole body.

Eddies thumb began to slow trying his best to ride out your high as long as he could before overstimulating you. He placed a kiss on your puffy clit. Your hips stuttered as you were very sensitive. Eddie moved his lips to your thighs. He kissed your soft skin humming against the plushness of them. Eddie continued kissing your thighs, waiting for your sensitivity to wash over so he could give you another orgasm. He went over to the other thigh, giving you very wet kisses. “Eddie, you’re stalling.” You said and lifted yourself up on your elbows to look at him. You wish you had a camera. Eddie between your legs. His mouth attached to your thigh and his big eyes looked up at you. You seemed to be in a dream. “Am not.” He replied and kissed your thigh again before turning his attention back to your cunt. “Look at you. So beautiful.” He hummed and ran his finger between your folds. You hummed still feeling a little sensitive.

“You ready for another one?” He asked. “I’ve been. I don’t know why you’re asking you never ask.” “I’m all about consent.” He responded. “You know what I mean.” You chuckled as nudged him with your knee. “May I… Make you cum again?” Eddie asked with a kiss. “You may.” You were barely done talking when Eddie stuck a finger in you. Your eyes fluttered shut feeling him go in and out of you. You moaned and fell against your pillow. You threw your leg around Eddie trying to signal him to eat you out. But of course, Eddie is making you wait. You looked over at your clock. You had about 24 minutes left. Eddie noticed you looking at your clock and began slowing his tongue. He did very slow figure eights making you whine. “Eds.” You mumbled and lightly lifted your hips up.

“Hmm?” He hummed and lifted his mouth away from your clit. “Hurry please.” You said and quickly glanced at your clock then turned back to your boyfriend. “Just stay, please! Please, please, please, please.” He begged. Each word with a kiss against your thigh. You giggled at his pleading. “Eddie it's- Fuck- it's not the end of the world.” You moaned since Eddie was still actively fingering you. Eddie noticed your satisfaction and added another finger continuously going over the spot that made you melt. “I think I’ll die if you leave.” Eddie sunk his fingers as far as he could inside you and began wiggling his finger inside of you. “You- You’re being draa- Oh god! You’re being dramatic- Eddie!” You cried and his fingers became rapid. “Mmm- Eddie! Please don’t stop!” You exclaimed. Your thighs shook as you closed them but that didn’t stop Eddie. He used his free hand to pull your legs apart. “Fuck- I'm cumming I’m cumming I’m cumming.” You quickly got out and arched your back. Eddie hummed feeling your orgasm soak his fingers. Your hands found their way to Eddies curls. You pulled his hair, your second orgasm being more intense than the last. “Good girl… Good girl.” Eddie praised watching as your orgasm leaked out of you. You hummed, too high in the clouds to give a verbal response. Eddie kissed up your body making his way to your lips. He rubbed his hard-on against your cunt. “Let me suck you off.” You said knowing sex would take up too much time. ‘Fine.” He said standing up and unbuckling his jeans. “Fine?” You asked raising an eyebrow at him and getting down on the floor. Eddie grabbed a pillow from the bed and handed it to you. “Yes yes please suck me off.” He said making you smirk. He dropped his pants to the floor. You took the pillow from him and placed it underneath your knees.

You took his cock out of his boxers seeing how erect he was. You licked your palm and began moving your fist up and down his shaft. “All this for me, baby?” You smiled looking up at him. “Shush,” Eddie said, a blush appearing on his face. “Don’t get shy on me now, Eds.” You placed your tongue at his base and moved up to his tip and wrapped your lips around his tip, sucking lightly. You pulled your lips off making a popping noise. You stuck your tongue out and slapped his tip against it. “And I’m the one whos stalling.” Your boyfriend said. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He loved the way you looked. You're looking up at him through your mascara-covered eyelashes. Your ass was arched and your thighs looked like heaven with the position you were sitting in. You looked over to the clock. “We have… A little over fifteen minutes.” You sighed and sped your hand up. Eddie shivered as your rubbed your thumb over his slit. You kissed his tip once more before putting him into your mouth. You bobbed your head up and down. Eddie moaned feeling you take most of him into your mouth.

Eddie put his hands on the back of your head being careful not to mess up your hair too much. He began leading your movements. Eddies hips now began thrusting into your mouth. Tears collected at the corner of your eyes. You cursed yourself knowing your makeup would be ruined. “Christ- You feel so fucking good- How did I get so lucky?” Eddie asked throwing his head back in pleasure. You hummed around him making a moan. “Just like that.” You heard him mumble. Almost as if he was talking to himself. Eddie began thrusting faster. You mentally rolled your eyes thinking about how messed up your lipstick would be. Just your makeup in general.

“Fuck- Baby. Fuck I’m gonna cum, okay? I’m gonna cum.” Eddie’s hips stuttered as his seed shot to the back of your throat with a very ego boosting moan. You swallowed as he slowly pulled out of you. The two of you made eye contact but you were quick to break it and look at your clock. “I have nine minutes.” You smiled quickly getting up from your perched spot and going over to your dresser. “Are you serious?” Eddie groaned and struggled to put his pants back on. “Yes, I am.” You responded taking your underwear off and replacing them with a fresh pair as your old ones were soaked. Eddie nearly ran to pick up your used underwear quickly stuffing them into his back pocket. You playfully rolled your eyes at his actions and sat back at your desk to freshen up your makeup.

You grabbed your round fluffy brush and stuck it into the round powder that best matched your skin tone. You quickly dusted it over your skin. Once done with that you fixed up your eyeshadow. “Jeez.” You mumbled to yourself attempting to save your eye makeup in the best way you could. “If you stayed you wouldn’t have to worry about that.” You heard Eddie say but you were too focused on your pink eyeshadow to respond to him. You smiled to yourself seeing you somewhat salvaged it. It wasn’t as perfect as before but it was tolerable. “Babeee!” Eddie whined and dramatically threw himself onto the bed.

You sighed grabbing your lipgloss tube and unscrewing the top. You pulled the applicator out hearing the familiar pop as it releases. You applied the soft tip to your lips, the gloss spreading on your plump lips. “Eddie… Do you want to come?” You asked making Eddie jump up. His eyes lit up, and a smile quickly appeared on his face. “I thought you’d never ask.”

[myg-butterfly]

Goodnight (Love)

Jimin x Reader – Spy!Au

Hurt/Comfort, Angst/Fluff, Enemies(?)/Lovers(?), Non-Idol Au, One-Shot

Part 2

Summary: You and Jimin hold an unwavering grudge against each other, but for what reason? Or, when you and Jimin get partnered for a case together, emotions arise, and so do the stakes. Pride and vulnerability are an explosive pair; will you both set each other off into flames?

Warnings (Buckle up folks because there's a lot): THIS STORY CONTAINS THEMES OF HARASSMENT AND IMPLICATIONS OF S/A!!! DO NOT READ IF THOSE TOPICS ARE TOO HARSH FOR YOU!!! Angst, panic attacks, anxiety, descriptions of violence (like a single fight), sexual assault (no non-con sex happens i swear), misogyny if you squint, Jimin is an asshole at times, trauma, trauma flashbacks, horrible communication tbh, implied abuse, implied s/a

Disclaimers: I am in no way, shape, or form trying to romanticize these sensitive topics, I simply want to show that comfort can be found after said situations. Please do not leave any comments about glamorizing any of the topic.

A/N: Hello hi author here! I haven't thoroughly proof read this oopsies but we'll get there when we get there. There's a lot of time-skips in this btw, and I also just made shit up because I don't really have any clue as to what spies or agents do or whatever (lol)

Taglist: @screamertannie

main masterlist

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"This mission is risky, as it's heavily reliant on precision and strategy, so we'll have to be very careful with who we send."

"I have the perfect pair in mind."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"You're fucking kidding me."

Jimin stares in disbelief at his bosses, Seokjin and Namjoon, not knowing why they thought it would be a good idea to partner you together.

"I don't care whatever personal vendetta y'all have against each other, you both are the most reliable option we have. So put your willy-nillies aside and get your head in the game."

Namjoon shoots Jin a disapproving glare at his choice of words.

"Please never say willy-nilly again."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You never thought it was possible for so much tension to fit inside a singular car, yet you and Jimin seemed to be breaking that record currently:

"Listen, I want to get this done as soon as possible, so please just listen to me and do what I tell you and I can finally stay away from your annoying ass."

"As long as you listen to me as well, it'll be a smooth sail."

"And why do I have to listen to you?"

"We listen to each other, it's called teamwork; hence the fact that we're a team, and we work tog-"

"I know what teamwork is – I'm not stupid. But I specialize in retrieving information, so I think we both know who has sufficient knowledge to lead this case."

"One of the requirements to be recruited is being able to safely retrieve information, so technically even though I'm not centered in the encryption department, we still have the same level of expertise in the field of-"

"Do you ever shut the fuck up?"

"I do."

"Great well do that now."

"If it means you stop running your mouth as well then I will."

It isn't that Jimin hates you specifically, he just hates how stoic you are all of the time. No matter what case you had to take on, what was going on around you, your cold demeanor never faltered — and that pissed Jimin off.

I mean, who were you to be so stand-offish to all of your colleagues? Did you think you were better than everyone else? Is that why you never spoke up unless you were giving your 2 cents on the approach the organization should take on the case given. And it pissed him off even more how you were always right, how Namjoon and Jin always agreed with whatever you had to say.

Jimin didn't hate you specifically, but he hated your face and how nice it was to look at and your annoyingly smart brain and your voice that was so soothing to listen to.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"Jimin, I'm telling you, having me go undercover isn't safe or efficient. The man who has the information we need is kno-"

"Are you admitting that you don't have the guts to complete this mission? What happened to commitment?"

Strategizing with Jimin felt like being a court trial where anything and everything you said would be used against you.

"I am committed. That's why I'm telling you that this isn't a good strategy."

"And why not? We've used it countless times before and it's worked, what's different now? All those men are the same, just play them to your will. Is that really so hard for you to do?"

"It's not good because it's not safe. Chances are that not only will I walk out of there severely injured, but you will too. And what happens then?"

"All I'm hearing is that you're too scared to do it. If that's the case, then why don't you just go home? I can even go ahead and call Jin hyung and tell him that you chickened out-"

"I am not chickening out."

"Then just trust my plan, princess. It's never failed me, and it's not going to start now."

"....... Fine. But don't call me that."

"No can do, princess."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

As you walk into the large fancy venue where the event was being held, the urge to run and hide became much more prominent.

You doubt that he remembers you, you were small when it happened, and now you'd grown.

That should bring some form of comfort, but it doesn't.

Because even if he doesn't recognize you, you would never be able to forget those months.

What he did changed you as a person forever, and for the worse as well.

You walk tentatively, saying hello to people you come across, until you find who you're looking for.

Upon seeing his face, it felt like a kick had just impacted your gut, like if you were dumped into a freezing lake with nothing on. Your mouth dried and the room began to spin, and you almost ran away, almost cowered back to safety, but you were stopped by-

"Dumbass, he's right there all by himself. Approach him, quick."

Hesitantly you started your way towards him.

"Jimin, turn my earpiece's mic sensitivity up."

"Why?"

"Please, I need you to be able to catch anything."

"Fine."

Seeing he was grabbing a glass of wine by himself, you took the opportunity to slide in next to him.

"Excuse me, sir? Do you happen to know what kind of wine this might be?"

"Cherry wine, madam. Would you like to try one?"

"Yes, please. Thank you."

"It's no problem. If you don't mind me asking, is someone accompanying you tonight?"

"Oh, no. I'm here by myself. I got invited by mutual friends."

"Ah, I see. So then, you wouldn't mind joining me tonight? I have a table right over there if you'd like to sit."

"I'd love to join you. Please, lead the way."

After some brief moments of small talk, Jimin gives you the okay to start trying to pull information out of him.

"This venue is so lovely, I wish I could see all of it in full." You started prying. "Well, actually, one of my closest partners runs the venue, if you'd like I could ask him if it's okay for me to give you a tour?"

"Would you really?"

"Of course, anything for such a delightful woman as yourself."

"Oh, you're too kind."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

The tour was going well as good as your given position allowed. You managed to ask about almost each room, giving Jimin any helpful information through your earpiece.

That was until you got to the third floor.

You were trying as hard as you could to push through being in his presence, when you'd been going up the stairs you stumbled for a second, and his hand reached out to "stabilize" you. You managed to regain your balance, still his wrinkled hand remained on the small of your back, a little lower than appropriate, and that was all it took to push you to the edge.

"Um, excuse me, do you mind if we pause for a short while so I can use the restroom?"

"That's totally okay. Do you want me to lead you to the one on this floor?"

"Oh, no. Thank you, I'll use the one from the previous floor. You can wait for me here. I won't be long."

Running down the stairs quickly, your head began to spin with fear.

All of the haunting memories you'd managed to drown out in the deepest parts of your brain resurfaced within a flash, and suddenly its like if you were back where you were less than two years ago.

Rough hands around your waist, liquor scented breath hitting your face, the cold air biting your exposed skin – you remembered it so vividly that you could almost feel it happening to you.

You could feel the harsh tone of voice, taunting you, painting you with shame.

'You should be thankful for all that I do for you. I'm the only person that can stand you after all.'

"Why the hell are you going to the bathroom? Don't stall, you idiot. We need to get this done."

"Right. Yeah. Right."

You stood up and walked towards the door, but you couldn't bring yourself to twist the doorknob. The thought of having to continue with him had your breathing quickening, and your vision shaking, it was all too much at once.

All Jimin could hear was your shallow breathing, and strangely, he found himself growing worried.

"Y/N? What's going on?"

"I can't- I can't do it-"

"What do you mean?"

"I- I need to get out of here."

"Y/N, what's wrong?"

"I can't be here, please Jimin."

Jimin burrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not understanding what caused you to get so worked up. He was even more confused when he felt himself progressively getting more concerned for your well-being.

"Where are you right now?"

“Um, a bathroom in floor 2."

"And you told the guy to stay in the third floor, right?"

"Yeah." You hear Jimin sigh, and you know he's upset with you, but your brain can't fully process that right now.

"I can't believe you're actually pussying out of this right now."

"Jimin, please."

The crack in your voice left an uncomfortable buzz in his chest, and Jimin found himself caving in.

"Okay, fine. I'll find a distraction for him so you can leave while he's busy. Only because we stil have tomorrow to do this and we've made progress."

"Thank you-"

"Don't, we still have to get this shit done tomorrow."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You thought you'd be relieved as you finally got the chance to run out of the building, but guilt was heavy on your chest. The sound of Jimin's frustrated voice made you uneasy; you've never really been on his good side, but hearing him sound so disappointed in you drilled a hole into your pride.

He watches you as you open the car door and clumsily jump in, and Jimin can't stop his frown from deepening further when he sees your usually sparkly eyes tainted a light color of red, one that matches your nose and cheeks. You take his expression as one of disapproval, and you shrink in your seat, hoping that it'll swallow you whole. You were triggered as it is, an angry Jimin would not help you whatsoever.

Obviously, the only thing he could come up with was to scold you, because what else was he supposed to do? Wipe away your tears gently and destroy anything that would cause those tears to resurface? Yeah, of course not. Not that he wouldn't be willing to if you asked him, but he'll try to convince himself it's only because he's a good person. No ulterior motive.

"This better be a one time thing, eh? No one wants to work with someone unreliable, and leaving was one hell of a liability."

"I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

The words got stuck in your throat; you couldn't tell him that this guy had abused you for years on end of your adolesence. You refused to let anyone see that side of you.

"It wasn't safe, and it wasn't worth risking it."

"I didn't see any threats in the security cameras, and everything in your earpiece sounded fine. What was unsafe?"A tentative moment of silence passes before:

"Him."

You spoke so softly that you thought Jimin hadn't heard you, until you heard a sigh from him.

"We work with dangerous people all the time, there's no difference here, princess."

The name had clear condecendicy laced within it, and it made the sting in your eyes return quickly; it reminded you of him, and now the memories were fresh. You turned your face out the window, hoping that Jimin didn't catch sight of them.

But he did, and great. What else is he supposed do? to destroy himself then? Being harsh is supposed to be what keeps you from getting hurt by him, so why is that no matter what he does, the outcome is always rough?

The rest of the car ride was silent, the emptyness of nightfall very clear amongst the dark.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

"Will you stop moving so goddamn much? Some of us are trying to sleep here."

"Why are you referring to yourself with plurality? The only ones here are you and I, and your comment is directed at me so-"

"It's too late for your smartass."

"Well, it's currently 1 in the morning, so technically-"

"Less talking more sleeping."

"Okay."

You'd stopped moving, and Jimin was about to completely pass out, when the shuffling started again.

"Y/N I swear to god-" he groaned, annoyed that you interrupted his sleep again.

But when he looked over, you were sitting up on your bed, a pained expression covering your face.

Jimin sighed and sat up as well, mumbling under his breath about how 'it's always something with you'. Still he asked:

"What happened now?"

You hesitated to answer before responding.

"Did you do it on purpose?"

"Do what?"

"Send me in there, knowing who he is?”

"I genuinely don't have a clue of what you're talking about."

"I knew you hated me but I really didn't think you would go to such lengths."

"Stop speaking in riddles and just say whatever it is you want to say."

"Do you really not know about him?"

"Stop acting like you know better than I do just because you know about some rando that I've never heard of."

"I'm not trying to act like I know better, because I do know better. I know who we're up against, and I know that Seokjin and Namjoon would agree that sending me in there by myself is a shit decision."

"Why would they give us the case then if it's so dangerous, huh? Maybe you're just too much of a scaredy-cat to handle this case. Why don't you go and whine to our bosses that the task is 'too hard' if you're so set on them agreeing with you?"

Jimin's words felt like a stab straight through your heart, and all you could do was bleed out in silence.

"If I were them, I'd be real disappointed if someone I handpicked for a job as prestigious as this one called me and told me they didn't wanna do it because it's too hard."

The mention of disappointing your bosses made your stomach twist with anxiety. Just when you'd begun to learn to protect yourself, you're suddenly getting berated for it?

"Do you want me to complete this task or not?"

"Of course I fucking do. That's why I'm telling you that you need to suck it up."

"Degradation isn't going to motivate me, so you can stop trying to make me feel like shit. Are you happy? Because it sure is working."

"See? This is what I mean. For someone who acts so stoic all the time you sure are goddamn sensitive."

"Jimin, please. Drop it. I get it. You win."

"Stop whin- wait, what?"

You blinked at Jimin, before sighing and laying back down, shuffling around and throwing a blanket over your head.

For some reason, this made his heart twist in an uncomfortable way.

Jimin took a deep breath and told himself that it definitely wasn't because he felt like crying at seeing your defeated expression, he was just shocked that you didn't continue arguing with him.

Yeah. That's what it is. Totally what it is.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Day 2 of the event begins, and your fear is drowned out enough to tolerate it by your desperation to get this over with.

"Okay, he's in there. Go. No chickening out this time, okay?"

"Yes. Whatever."

"Good."

You find him standing by the small bar they have across the venue, and you muster up any remaining strength inside yourself as you begin to approach the man who haunts your every move.

"What kind of wine are you honoring tonight?" You use the same conversation starter as last time, and the guy jumps; you caught him off-guard.

"Oh, my dear, it's you. I am so glad we meet again." His smirk grew, and if you didn't know any better, you would think that it's one of excitement rather than perversion.

"So am I."

"I was afraid you'd pulled a classic Cinderella on me after that first night, I thought I wouldn't see you again."

"Oh, I apologize for leaving so abruptly. Something I ate gave me a stomach bug, and I decided it'd be best to go rest before it could get worse. I'm just thankful it cleared up before the event ended."

"I am deeply grateful as well, I don't think I could've bared to not see you again. Say, why don't we actually complete our tour around the venue tonight."

"That would be lovely."

You had always hated how snobby rich people spoke, as if everything was fancy and business. The formalities and outdated vocabulary made you irrationally angry, and you weren't sure how much longer you were going to withstand this entire thing.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Thankfully, you lasted a pretty good while. Everything seemed to be going as planned; you asked questions, he blabbered on and on about whatever you asked, he got more comfortable and started spilling more and more, and Jimin got more information.

“This floor is my favorite.” He says once you finish taking the flight of stairs you were just on.

“Oh, really? May I ask why?”

“My personal room is up here, it's supposed to be a guest room but since I spend my days here frequently, it's practically become my bedroom.”

“That sounds very comfortable. The people who own this place seem to show genuine hospitality.”

“They indeed do. And I was thinking, maybe I could follow in their steps, and extend that hospitality to you?”

“What does this said hospitality consist of?” You were skeptical, the glint in his eyes was evidently one that was ready to strike knives into your chest.

“Reconnection. Mending broken bonds. Making up for all our time lost.”

Your heart began beating rapid and panicked, afraid of what implications come with his statement. He seems to notice your expression fall, as he starts to laugh and even doubles over. Once he composes himself, he immediately makes his way towards you, the change in demeanor too quick to even respond.

"You really thought I wouldn't recognize you doll? Hmm?" He circles around you slowly.

It feels like you've fallen through a sink hole into the midst of hell hearing his words, it's suffocating, so much so that you're sure you won't make it out in one piece this time around.

"To be fair, you have changed a lot. You look much more mature, womanhood has treated you well." It takes everything in you to not break as he grabs your chin between his fingers, Jimin's voice playing on repeat in your head - 'no chickening out this time'.

You swallow and take a second to compose yourself, before speaking again.

"May we please continue our tour?"

"No need to hide from me, little one. I'd always told you, you'd come running back to me one day; and here you are. No need to be embarrassed about it, I'm more than happy to have you again."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Jimin's blood runs cold when he hears what the man is saying; did you know him before? What history could you possibly have with this man?

"I'm n- not hiding. I just simply wish to continue looking around."

"Oh, trust me, dear. We'll have plenty of time to look around. But first, don't you wanna go somewhere private? So we can, reconnect?"

A shiver runs down your spine out of pure fear, and you're not sure if you can back down this time.

"Um, I don't know. I don't want to be gone for too long."

"No one will notice dear." He leans in closer to your face. "I know you want this just as much as I do."

His suggestive tone has you feeling sick to your stomach, and you pray to whoever sits above that Jimin realizes what's happening and comes to help you. You aren't sure what you had ever done to turn the universe against you, but you knew your prayers weren't heard when Jimin responds through your earpiece.

"Go. If you're worried about anything getting out of hand, I have this planned out. Just go."

You didn't know what plan Jimin had up his sleeve, but his annoyed expression on your face were imprinted in your mind, his words from the previous night still heavy: ‘If I were them, I'd be real disappointed if someone I handpicked for a job as prestigious as this one called me and told me they didn't wanna do it because it's too hard.’

"Okay, take me with you."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

He leads you to up another set of stairs, and into different hallways, before stopping in front of two big doors. You watch as he takes a key out of the inside pocket in his coat, and he opens the door, letting you step inside first and following after you. The room was spacious and slightly dark, the only light entering through the window from the lights outside.

"Ask him what part of the building you guys are in."

"This room is beautiful, what part of the building are we in?"

“It is quite luxurious, huh? This is the fifth floor. Main hallway, 3rd door. If you ever want to pay a visit, you're more than welcome to stop by.”

Jimin quickly jots down the room, and you hope he's satisfied, because you're shaken with fear at this man’s words. He locks the door from the inside, and proceeds to move toward you.

"He has a key, right?"

"Ah, yes." Pause. "I'll keep that in mind."

He smiles at you and grabs your wrist, walking towards the large bed in the middle of the room.

"Okay, get his key. Do whatever it takes, just get your hands on it."

He sits on the bed and grabs you by the hips, pulling you down with him.

"I can't believe I have you all for myself again. Even if its just tonight." You feel his fingers in your hair; the thought of shaving your head crosses your mind. If it means getting rid of any trace of him, you'd do it.

"Your features may be a little more grown, but you're still that innocent little sweetheart that I've always known."

His face seems so close; your body falls cold with fear.

"Tell me, how much have you missed me, sweetheart?"

He gets scoots even closer and cups your cheeks, running a thumb over your lips. He gets even closer, and all you can do is swallow and curse Jimin, because why isn't he doing anything to help you?

"I thought you would've learned to use your words by now." He chuckles, you wait for a hand across your cheek.

"Stupid little girl. Aren't you glad I'm so forgiving?"

He leans closer again, your foreheads touching at this point.

"I'll let you show me with your actions. Come on, show me."

Your breath hitches in dread, but he takes this a good sign. He kisses you and you do your best to "kiss" him back without actually doing any kissing. You tug on his coat, hoping he gets the message to take it off, and thankfully – you're not sure this is the right word – he does. As he shrugs it off, he keeps kissing you, and you take the chance to grab it from the inside, and flip it around so the key falls into your lap. You quickly put the key in your dress pockets and you toss the coat across the room in attempt to mask it as a move of interest.

He notices that his coat is gone, and it prompts him to begin trying to remove your corset. You realize that this is your chance to communicate with Jimin, though you're not sure if he can hear you if the silence from his side is anything to go by, while also prompting the man to get off of you.

"I've got it."

"You got the key?" So Jimin can hear you. You don't know if what fills your gut is relief or anger.

"Let me do it." He grips your hands and puts them aside, continuing to undo it himself.

"Yeah." You respond to Jimin. Pause. "I've got it, its fine. It'll be faster this way."

"Okay, we'll get him distracted now." Once again, you're torn between relief and anger.

"Don't you wanna take it slow? Enjoy our sweet time together?" His lips on your neck, and his hands getting lower and lower. You start to cry. Thankfully, he doesn't notice, because the intercom system im the building blares: "The auction is about to begin, 5 to auction." Hearing this, you take your chance to push him away, trying to get yourself back together.

"We should go, we wouldn't want to miss this." You move to get up, but he locks you within his arms.

"It's okay, you're the one thing I want."

"People will notice that we're missing."

"They won't. And if they do, let them. I'm more than glad to show you off."

He keeps on untying your corset, and panic starts to flow more prominently through your body as you realize that he isn't going to let this go easily.

"I really think we should go back. What if we miss something important?"

"Shhhh. Let this happen."

Another announcement blares through the intercom, but he doesn't even flinch this time.

"Auction is now beginning."

"Let's stop. I don't want to miss it."

He doesn't stop.

Doesn't even do a double take.

"If you want something from the auction, I'll get it for you. I'll even pay double the price. But I'm not letting anything take this away from me. I've been waiting to feel you for years. I'm not letting you go now."

You're on the border of cracking as he gets lower on the strings of your corset, not sure if you're gonna be able to get out of this unharmed. He moves to suck on your neck, and that's when you break.

"I don't, I don't want to."

"You're just nervous. I know you want this."

You shake your head, your whole body is visibly trembling now.

"I don't want to."

"Be good and stop talking."

He finally gets to the last string when his phone rings behind him.

He ignores it.

You pry him on.

"Are you not gonna take that?"

"Nothing is going to interrupt this."

"What if it's important?"

"What did I say? Be quiet. Why is it that now you're all chatter, but when I asked you earlier, not even a peep? It's like you want me to punish you."

A sob escapes you; where the fuck is Jimin?

He takes your corset off, leaving you almost bare.

"Such a pretty little thing."

All you can think is that 'This is it. This is it. What did I do to have to go through this again? Why is it tha-"

"I'm on my way up. I'll be there in a moment. I'm sorry I didn't come earlier. I'm coming."

You let out another sob at this.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Jimin feels like his heart flew out from his chest because of how hard it was pounding.

He's desperate to get you out of there, and Jimin didn't know what to do.

His original plan to get the man distracted by random interruptions wasn't working, and he knew going up there on his own was risky, but listening to your situation made him sick.

He knew one of the guys on his usual team, Yeonjun, was monitoring the assignment, as they always have someone on standby in chances of emergency.

With his mind made up, he lets him know that he's gonna go in, but he isn't too fond of the idea.

"No, Yeonjun. You don't get it. I have to go up. He's- he's hurting her."

"You'll get caught. Especially if you and Y/N leave together."

"I have to go."

"Jimin-"

"Sorry, I have to get to her."

The line disconnects.

He was coming now.

Getting to you was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You can't bare to watch as the man takes his own shirt off, and you feel like you could throw up at any moment.

"I'm on the fifth floor. Toss the key under the door if you can."

At this, your only string of thought consisted of 'Jimin's here' 'Toss the key' 'Jimin's here' 'Toss the key'

You quickly reach into your pockets and let the key drop by your feet, and you kick it so it's by the door. An eternity of seconds pass by, your brain simply chanting 'Jimin, Jimin, Jimin'

Everything happens so quickly that you don't even have time to process what's happening before Jimin tackles the old man. He punches and pounds, and all you can do is watch in horror as both men begin to swing at each other. You have no clue what to do, but thankfully, Jimin manages to catch him off-guard and injects him with a tranquilizer.

It's strong enough to paralyze him on the ground, but simultaneously doesn't knock him unconscious.

You run to put your shirt on and rush to look for the flash drive that's meant to have all the information you're looking for. Despite your frantic state, you miraculously find it in a drawer, relieved and ready to show Jimin.

But when you turn around, he's still on top of the man, beating him like a crazed man.

"You. Fucking. Bastard. How. Dare. You. Touch. Her. I will fucking kill you." He says in between punches.

He kicks, stomps, punches, even pulls out his blade, and he doesn't stop until he feels you tug from behind him, hearing your attempts to hold back sobs from escaping you.

Even as you're trembling, you hold up the small flash drive in your hand.

Jimin stares in shock for a few seconds, confused as to how you still went to look for the files even with the state you're in.

He looks back at the man on the floor, bloodied and now unconscious.

You wouldn't be surprised if Jimin beat him to death.

A pause of silence engulfs both of you, before he interrupts it.

"Let's go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Let's go. We'll talk later. Come on."

You moved to step towards the door, but you were filled with such panic that your legs were giving out on you.

He stepped towards you, but you recoiled.

He knew that this reaction was to be expected, but it still felt like a flame was burning his chest seeing you jump away from him, looking absolutely terrified.

You stumbled and wobbled, but you were insistent on walking on your own.

Jimin respected your boundaries, but when you almost tumbled down the stairs, he couldn't take it anymore.

“Do you want me to carry you back to the car? It'll get us out of here quicker, you're gonna hurt yourself .”

He saw your facial expressions change multiple times in that short moment before you stepped toward him and let him lift you off the ground. You were tense, any touch making your head spin but feeling how securely Jimin is holding you, you can't help but loosen up a tiny bit.

Feeling you shake in his grasp, it hit Jimin like a bag of bricks; you had been one of his victims. That's why you told him that it wasn't safe for you.

How could he have missed this?

You'd been brought back to hell after finally escaping it, and it was Jimin himself that dropped you right back into the gates of it. Maybe if he had listened to you when you said it wasn't a good idea, maybe you wouldn't be shutting down right in front of his own eyes, wouldn't be shaking uncontrollably, wouldn't be face to face with a monster you were to never see again.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

In the car, you can't stop clawing at yourself in the passenger seat, unsure of how to get rid of all the anger and anxiety in you.

Jimin kept peeking from your eyes and back to the road, and for some reason, this made you angry; not in a scream and throw things way, but in a sob angry tears with harsh breaths until you pass out way.

“What did it cost you to listen to me? Your pride? Is your pride worth the touch of that monstrosity?"

"I'm sorry."

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

You get to the hotel and rip the dress off of you, wiping your lips and scrubbing your hands furiously, you pull your hair in desperation.

Everything feels so wrong and overbearing, it feels like its the end of the world.

Jimin feels like his world is crumbling at the same time that you are.

He goes to make you some tea, anything that will make you feel even the tiniest bit better. Seeing you in so much distress left only 2 things swirling around his head.

The first one being: He would, in fact, do anything to take back everything he's said, and to protect you from any harm that may come your way.

The second: He is so emotionally constipated.

Instead of letting himself understand and acknowledge what he feels for you, he put up a big fucking barrier, and now he’s responsible for your breaking point. Maybe if he could've been honest with himself, maybe if he had been gentler with you–

Well, there's no point in dwelling over it now, so instead he approaches you and removes your hands from your head to stop you from pulling your hair.

"Y/N? You're gonna hurt yourself."

"I don't care." You try to pull your hands away, but Jimin clasps them against his own.

"I made you some tea, it's in the nightstand by your bed. Go drink it while I put on a bath for you. And grab clothes once you're done."

You weren't sure what it was, anger? Gratefulness? Appreciation? Resentment? But something was coursing through your veins, and it all was clearly directed at Jimin. Feeling frustrated and confused, you broke down into sobs once more.

"We don't have to do anything, but I think getting washed up will help you feel better. Whatever you wanna do. Just, please don't cry, I don't like it when you cry.”

You look up and find Jimin crouching in front of you; his stare so soft that you think he might actually care. You can't help it – you launch yourself towards Jimin, neither of you are sure if it's an attempt at a hug or at knocking him down.

He wraps his arms around you and you begin to hit at his chest, your frustration and hurt showing themselves.

"Why didn't you listen to me?! I didn't want to tell you! You should've just listened to me! Then I wouldn't be hurt! It hurts, Jimin. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts."

You repeat that phrase over and over again until your breakdown begins to falter into hiccups, energy gone, and you melt into Jimin's embrace. The room is suddenly still, the only existing thing being you and Jimin on the floor, crying out hurt and apologies.

When he clutches so hard onto your shirt that his knuckles turn white, you know that he didn't mean to do it on purpose, that he's genuinely sorry for how things went down. And when you hug him back and shuffle closer to him, he knows you're willing to forgive him, you don't blame him for the decisions he made.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

Things feel fuzzy after that. Not necessarily in a bad way, there's just too much delicacy in the air for you to process things properly.

The cup of tea is warm in your hands as you wait for Jimin to finish filling up the bathtub.

After some quiet moments, he walks out of the bathroom and throws an apologetic smile your way.

"You're all set. I'll be out here, shout if you need anything."

"Okay."

You do think initially that a bath will help you relax, maybe get rid of some of the squeezing tension in your muscles, but it becomes clear that your mind won't be able to handle something as simple as undressing and getting into the tub.

Marks brokenly painted across your skin catching your stare, you needed to be forced out of it.

Even as you slowly climbed into the tub and sat down, the only thing running through your head was the image of your scarred form.

You cry out Jimin's name.

"Is everything okay?"

You beg the words to leave your tongue.

"Stay. Please."

Your voice is small and tired, and his heart jumps in a mix of adoration and pain, because you are ever so lovely, but you're hurt, and you're hurt because of him and his pride.

"Okay. I'll stay."

He takes a seat on the closed toilet, and you stare at him for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to ask for the support you need.

"I- can y- my hair."

Finally, it comes out strangled, but it comes.

"What about your hair?"

Jimin moves closer when you fuss a little at his question, splashing the water while doing so.

You rake your hands through your hair aggressively, and he thinks he understands what you're trying to say.

"Do you want me to help you wash it?"

Your face visibly softens – similarly to Jimin's heart – and you let out a little sound of confirmation.

"Okay, are you sure you're comfortable with that?"

"Mhm."

"Okay, pass me the bottle."

The warm water is soothing on your scalp and you feel yourself relaxing as soon as the shampoo touches your head.

“Sorry if I pull your hair.”

When you feel Jimin’s fingers raking across your hair, you start to cry again.

The way he gently rubs your hair makes you overwhelmed with a warm feeling that fills your chest at being handled so tenderly for the first time in so long.

"Love, why are you crying?"

If Jimin was already panicked at your tears, he’s utterly mortified now that the term of affection slipped out accidentally.

Thankfully, it seems like you're too caught up in enjoying the feeling to notice what he just called you.

“Thank you.”

His hand movements stopped for a second to think about his next words before resuming with a sigh.

"Don't thank me. I fucked up so bad. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I should've just listened to you. I'm so sorry."

Jimin's voice cracked, and it looked like he was going to start crying too.

Once he was done, he went to grab a towel, and you stopped him by putting a hand on top of his.

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it."

"I'm still really sorry. You shouldn't have gone through any of that."

You simply hummed as a response, and you both knew that it meant forgiveness.

The moment felt so soft, soft in the way you were looking at each other, soft like the butterflies in your stomach, it was all just really, really soft.

∘⁺✧◞₊⋅✱

That didn't last too long though, because sleep has never come easy to you, and the events of this day only worsened it.

Every time you closed your eyes, his sickening face would appear in front of you. You could almost feel the way he gripped onto your skin, bruising it.

You could feel yourself falling into a panic spiral again, and your brain's first instinct for whatever reason was 'where's Jimin?’

You sat up and saw him fast asleep on his bed, and you grew hesitant.

What if he gets mad that you woke him up? What if he laughs at you? He's gonna tell you to toughen up.

But then you think back to how he's acted ever since he went to get you.

That wasn't just temporary, right? Was it just pity? Was he only nice to relieve himself of any guilt?

Your overthinking mixed with your already panicked state, and you once again felt like things were crumbling all around you.

You showed Jimin your weakest parts, he can surely use that against you. He probably thinks you're even more pathetic now. He's gonna tell everyon-

"Y/N? What's going on?"

You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't realize how loud your sobs had gotten, nor that they'd woken Jimin up.

You looked up in horror as you realized that he was sitting on your bed, watching you cry.

The concerned look in his eyes only made you cry harder. You wanted to fall into his comfort, wanted to believe that he genuinely cared about you, but at the same time you were convinced that he was just pretending.

"Don't act like you care."

“Huh?”

"I know you're only being nice to me out of pity, you can drop the act now."

Your words came out broken and between sobs. After you finished your sentence your breathing quickened again.

Jimin felt his heart being shredded into pieces as he saw your state. Did you really think that he hated you?

He could deal with that later, right now his main priority was getting your breathing regulated.

"Come here, we're gonna breathe together, okay? Can you do that for me?"

You were hesitant to approach him, but the offer of closeness was too inviting for you to turn down.

Jimin waited until you were seated directly in front of him before continuing.

"Hands on your belly. Now breathe in, and out."

It took a while before you were breathing again, but now Jimin could tackle the second issue at hand.

“What can I do to help you?”

Jimin sees the distrust on your face at his words and his chest squeezes sadly.

"I'm not doing this to get rid of guilt or anything like that, if that's what's running through your head."

“How do I- know that you're not just saying that to say it?"

Oh what Jimin wouldn't do to hand you the world.

"If I genuinely didn't care I wouldn't be here right now. You'd know if I was lying."

You think to yourself before giving into his offer with a small nod. Jimin smiles at your response.

“Do you need a distraction? Comfort? Water?”

“I think– I think comfort.”

"Okay. Do you want cuddles?"

Your brain short circuited, and Jimin took your silence as discomfort, so he rambled on.

"When I was younger, if I was ever scared of something, my mom would cuddle me and it always made me feel better. If you're not comfortable that's fine, I just think it would help."

You took a second to digest what Jimin had just asked you, never in a million years imagining you'd hear him asking you that, before nodding your head.

"Okay then, come here." Jimin laid down facing you and opened his arms expectantly, so you scooted closer to him and let him embrace you.

There's an inexplicable safety you felt surrounding him that had you melting into his hold. For the second time that day, his fingers gently played with your hair and you felt your walls come down a little further, warmth encasing both of you.

"You're so warm."

"Fuck do you think I am, a reptile? Of course l'm warm."

You scoffed at Jimin’s words, but stayed snuggled into him nonetheless.

"Are you uncomfortable?" You asked him.

"No. I'll let you in on a little secret of mine. I love cuddles. But only from specific people. But don't tell anyone.”

A soft giggle leaves your lips at his words, and Jimin decides that it's now his new favorite sound.

You pull back so you and Jimin are eye to eye; you want to speak but words are hard to convey.

“What's on your mind?” He's attentive, eyes searching yours for any hurt or worry.

“Do you cuddle with all your mission partners?” You try to lighten the mood and he laughs, so you assume it worked.

“No, only with the ones I like.”

His voice is soft when he says this, and it makes you melt a bit more.

“I really did think you hated me at one point.”

“I never did, I'm just very emotionally constipated. In all honesty I really do admire you, but I forced myself to see you as competition to avoid any of the weird emotional shit. Looks like it didn't work.” He finishes his sentence with a bitter chuckle; shame evident in his voice.

“I mean, I wasn't really all that nice to you either.” You try to easy his guilt.

“I wish we would've gotten off on the right foot.”

“Me too. But what's done is done.”

“I'm really sorry for not listening to you. I thought you were saying all of those things just to mess with me, but now I realize how stupid my logic sounds. Hearing what was happening over your microphone had me sick to my stomach. I can't even imagine how it must've felt for you.”

“It felt like my world was ending, honestly.” Your voice is quiet, but not enough to conceal how it cracks while tears pool in your eyes again.

“I never thought I would see him again. I'm still so scared, Jimin.” You begin to hiccup sobs, and he wastes no time in pulling you closer.

“It's okay. He's never coming near you again. I promise. You're safe, okay?” Jimin's voice was soft, feeling the way his chest vibrates against your head that's now tucked under it only helped calm you further.

You both remain like this until you've completely stopped crying and relaxed in his arms. Everything around you felt warm and tender, lulling you into deep sleep.

The last thing your brain manages to process is a soft kiss on your forehead, and words that sound a lot like:

“Goodnight, love.”

[sprinklenoodles]

Guess who read all of the Pokemon fic~? And, I got some art! A LOT of art For one... IT'S THE QUEEN LOAF!! Stare into her eyes. So majestic u_u

Then, I decided to draw Byakuya and all his Pokemon so far. Took me a bit to figure out a good outfit for the heir as it mentions he's in a suit, but I didn't wanna just put him in his standard suit. Also spruced up his hair. His Karen cut has evolved. Also, they're small but the B's are on the Pokeballs!! Ensured I kept the hights good btw since Larvesta is (pardon my American ways) 3ft, Eeevee is like a ft, and Byakuya is 6'1.

Then, I decided do draw them some more. Also, in regards to Byakuya and his girls, I tried making Eevee a bit more distinct than the standard Eevee. Might play around a bit more and might tweak her once she evolves so the shape language alludes to her future. Also, I wanted Byakuya to look like he's so not secretly gushing about his girls so I hope I did that well.

Finally, before I comment on the fic, I drew this silly drawing as well. Tried some shading too and gosh do I love how Larvesta turned out. She is indeed the fat loaf.

As for comments on the fic, very cute so far. Loving the petty energy with Byakuya and his rival. Also love all the gang slowly getting 2nd Pokémon together. Byakuya's got two fluffy girls on his hands now which I just love the pattern that he's so far got only female Pokémon. I dunno why but it makes my brain so happy. Just Byakuya and his smart though sometimes dumb girls. I mean, Eevee was literally bonking her head on the glass when they were at the aquarium like a freaking goober. Also, as for some other words which are mostly Byakuya based cus my gosh and I gushing about him and his team, like, Eevee is a cute addition. I like him carrying her and also liked when he told Eeeve the drama about him and his rival. Which, I just love that he just has full blown conversations with his Pokemon and he gossips with them. Shows he treats them both well and that he really is considerate of their feelings. Like when he noticed Eevee wanted to see the aquarium and let her do her own thing and explore. Another thing I wanna mention is Kijo's Alteria. She is gorgeous and I like that, like father like song, both have elegant clingy queens for Pokémon with fluffy white fur. It was so adorable when Alteria just pounced on the heir. Very precious detail too that Byakuya was comfy and could have just conked out on the spot. Maybe he needs an Alteria of his own. Maybe he'd sleep better. Which, another note, I love Larvesta being a canonical bed hog. I can just tell he gave up long ago on getting her off the damn bed. I know these are very disjointed thoughts but gooooosh! I could blabber on for several more asks. Genuinely. My brain is enthralled with almost ever fic I read from you. I swear! And I actually am so freaking attached to Larvesta. As I said prior, a part of me wants her to stay a loaf forever like how some Pokemon in the anime never evolved like Ash's Toadadile or, more obviously, his Pikachu. She's too precious as hell and I don't want her to change T-T I totally get if you let her evolve though!! Don't let my goober ways change your plans heheh!! But yeah! I made this jam packed with stuff this time around heehhe!! Am shocked tbh cus I legit did not expect my art block to just be cured cus of a buggy fire loaf. I am so drawing more of these guys too! Gonna draw Byakuya's human gang as well!! If you have any comments on the designs btw, do tell!! I love reading!!!!

THIS IS SOOOO AWESOME!!! Thank you!!!!! Wish I could say more but going somewhere rn and in a car lol

[try02line]

The Owl House: Charis!AU

sorry for taking ao long to continue this, have been sort of busy with sone other stuff- but here we are again with another redesign for my TOH AU. I made this a while back and yet i am still so proud of it tbh- making redesigns is challenging but also very fun, nd although for now all the major characters have been covered (Hunter, Philip, Caleb, Eda, Luz-) I may do some other redesign of other characters moving forward. Would you be interested in see someone else?

NOW- as always, my thought process behind this:

- i wanted to keep the overall shape and colors of her original design (as per usual), but adding some twists. In particular i wanted to add references to all the potential palisman people used to speculate she would have before the reveal! Hence, you can find reference to a cat, snake and even bats! (Although that last one is sort of sneaky and is in the lower decor of the pants!)

- is a small thing- but her leg warmers are intentionally not symmetrical just to sprinkle in some chaos- is a small thing, but i thought it would fit well her personality and give her a somewhat more casual vibe

- i had to add a small bag- both because is adorable, but also because I always thought Luz should need a more comfortable and secure place to hold all her glyphs, this without mentioning all the pencils she probably carries all around in between other things as small trinkets and stickers! She is a creative person, who in my opinion provably enjoys collecting small things for memories! A small easily accessible bag seemed a much better idea than stuff paper and pens in her pockets

- he hair was a nightmare to draw as i couldn’t figure put in what direction it should go. But i am so proud with the results! What i wanted to bring your attention to tho, was her sort of headphones. These are very important, as in my AU let’s say that human are not seen favorably, sort to speak, and as such Luz would have to hide her true nature by constantly covering her round ears or finding ways to disguise their natural round shape

This should be all for now- hope you like this! Have a lovely day 🦊

[bepisbee]

and now for your regularly scheduled random vidow au

featuring transgirl Vio and afab enby Shadow :) theyre dating your honor. i wanted to play with giving shadow a midwest accent. Think of them as like Wisconsin vs Cali for Lorule vs Hyrule respectivley. mostly writing practice for the accent and descirpters of character building (focusing mainly on shadow tbh)

Read on ao3

“You what?” The group paused at Zelda’s inquisition. They had this huge plan to set up their resident nerd with a date and it was backfiring horribly. A boy from another class, admittedly pretty cute, stood there awkwardly.

“I have a partner.” Vio repeated. “They go to Lorule, I’ve told you this before?” She looks incredibly annoyed.

“I- we…” She looked sheepish.

“We thought you were just saying that to get us off your back,” Blue scoffed, “The whole goes to another school excuse is overused.” he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, haha no. I am dating someone. We have been since middle school.” She uncrossed her arms and pulled a long chained necklace from her uniform blouse. It had a ring attached. “And considering we’re all graduating next week I’d say it’s still serious. And not fake.” she glared at Blue. “I’ve told you this. I met them when our family went to that resort years ago and left me to read in a corner in the kid section. They stole my book and I chased them up to the playground tubes and we stayed there for hours. They needed to search for us when it was bedtime and we refused to go to seperate rooms. We pranked the fuck out of all those kids the whole weekend.” She grinned, fondly remembering it.

“...” Zelda smacks Blue on the arm, “Are you kidding me!? You roped me into all this for nothing?” The boy snuck away while they argued. Poor dude.

“I still don’t believe you. Do you even have a photo?"

“None that I can show you without betraying their privacy trust.” Vio sighed, “We video call every night, I don’t really have their face in a photo.” Zelda giggled at the scandalous admission.

“No face photo?”

“! Sh-shut up.” she flushed. “None of your business.” Vio flipped them off. “Doesn’t matter. They’ll be here soon for the summer. They had their graduation already and wanted to spend time with me here. I was planning on going to Lorule for a while this summer too, so we can decide where we want to stay.”

“You’re moving!?” Blue didn’t like the implication. “With someone we don’t even know?”

“You would know them if you were ever listening to me.” Vio played with the ring. “We haven’t decided anything. We both have family and friends to consider and futures and shit. It’s an in person kind of conversation.”

“Well.” Zelda clears her throat. “I think we should have lunch sometime, and meet them.”

“That would be nice,” Vio is grateful for her speciality in neutrality and problem solving. Blue just grumbled.

He still thought Vio was lying. Until one day she brings someone back from the airport. He notices as he was walking over to bother her, Red in tow. Vio was taking some luggage out of the car trunk and someone with purple hair was investigating the scenery. The small stone brick cottage that someone’s great grandma once loved was in better shape inside than out. 

“It’s so… rustic.  And worn,” A soft voice commented. “Inna nice way, like when cats nap in a sunbeam. Or someone’s Granny makes pie.” they clarify. They step around to her side of the car. They were tall and lithe, grown into what was probably a lanky awkward puberty. They had stunning eyes, one red and one blue. Freckles scattered across their milk chocolate complexion. They looked like tiny stars. Fluffy medium length bright purple hair bounced as they walked. Two black rings of snake bites in their lips, and a ball in their tongue as they talked. A dangling earring in the shape of an eye indicating their relation to Sheikah at some point. 

They had a crop top with some metal band logo across it and shredded jeans with combat boots. The light purple happy trail under their navel surprised the two, showing the color was natural. “?” Shadow caught them staring slack jawed. “We have an audience darlin’.” they drawled.

Vio turned confused, raised her eyebrows up. She was in her cutest sweater with a dinosaur holding a cup with a straw and regular jeans and hair pinned up in a butterfly clip. She never wore her nice sweaters outside of home, let alone makeup. That was clearly significant, Blue frowns. Shadow would have been dolled up too, but flights and napping took priority.

“Uh, hey.” She shut the trunk of the small black car. “Good timing! Shadow, this is Red and Blue.”

“You actually weren’t fuckin’ with me? Yall have color names?” They smiled at them.

“They’re real?” Red and Blue exclaimed, Red way more excited in tone. She ran up and surprised them with a hug.

“Hello! Wow you smell nice! Are you Vio’s boy-girl-theyfriend? Partner?” Red wasn’t sure what term they preferred. “Gosh you’re pretty.”

“Partner. Yer sweet,” They chuckled, “You must be Red then?” They patted her head. “Nice ta meetcha.” Her eyes sparkled.

“I like them.” She decided and let go. “Lemme help!” she grabbed one of the carryon duffel bags. “Blue! Stop staring and come help!” she reprimanded.

“I- uh- whuh… ahem.” He took a bag too, mumbling about Vio being ridiculous. He was just embarrassed over being wrong.

“Sorry, we can’t really hang out much right now.” Vio led the way in, unlocking the door. She was so glad she had this shitty old house to rent, even if it was tiny and heated by a wood stove.“I’m sure Shadow needs some rest from the time difference and flying.” They didn’t protest either, the rest or Vio time was their goal. They helped bring in the bits and bags and set them in the living area. It was all open space, a living room with just enough room for a tv set, coffee table, loveseat, and cabinet. Across on the other side a kitchenette with stools at an island wrapped around and hanging cabinets. Vintage, but well cared for. The wood stove was cast iron and in near perfect condition.

They set their bags around the living space and Red dusted off her hands.

“Well make sure you text Zel! We have to have a lunch. And send a pic! She is going to lose her mind. You are super attractive.” She gushed, “Don’t mind Blue, he’s just mad he lost a bet.” She smacked his arm while he bristled. “Well go, enjoy your ‘nap’” Red pushed him out the door. “See you guys soon!”

“See ya, thanks for helpin’!” Shadow waves and turns to assess their girlfriend’s reaction. “They seem nice.”

“I’m glad Red likes you.” Vio admits, “Come rest with me? I saw that yawn, you can't hide from me, love.” She offered with a motion. They gladly took the offer. They explored Vio’s room before sliding their jeans off and laying on the big soft purple bed. It took up most of the room space. They both laid just looking at each other.

“...this is weird ta say considerin’ I talk to you everyday, but I missed you.” Shadow cupped her face, and kissed.

“Aw, love.” She sighs into it, no protest when that hand gets wandering under her sweater. Shadow freezes in realization.

“Have you not been wearin’ a bra this whole time??” Vio’s response was a cheeky grin. Shadow lifted the sweater up to admire the view. They whistled, “Well, damn! No wonder you feel soft. They’re so big now! I’m prouda you.” They squeezed one gently. “I did notice they were bouncin’ a lot, but I didn’ wanna be crude.”

“You are welcome to comment on my boobs anytime.” Vio laughed. “I worked hard to grow those.” Shadow hummed in agreement. She pulled out her phone and sat on their legs. “Photo for zel?” Shadow posed with one arm behind their head. She snapped and sent it off with a “Legally obligated hot partner pic”. They sent each other some questionable things sometimes. She was sure she wouldn’t mind the snap including her bent thighs and Shadow in their pretty black underpants. Zelda had seen more of her for opinions and advice than that. She turned it around first for approval.

“Mm. Hot.” They grabbed her thighs. “Ya know what’d be more hot darlin?”

Vio set down the phone, ready for the chaos. 

“No, why don’t you show me?’

Shadow woke up shivering, Vio not next to them anymore. They sat up, rubbing their eyes. “Mgh?”

“In the kitchen,” She called from the other room. A metal hinge creaked and shut the stove. They wandered out. Vio was heating the old gas oven, a large pot on top. A cutting board with vegi bits and ends sat on the counter. A few small containers and shakers filled with stuff. Shadow could burn cereal, they had no idea what was what but it looked fancy.

“Whatcha doin?” They yawned, walking to their smallest bag, unashamedly nude. Shadow dug in and pulled out a hygiene bag with toothpaste, a comb, and a few other things. They hummed and took a comfy outfit as well.

“Making soup, found the recipe online.” Vio got distracted watching Shadow’s bare legs and ass walk by. “Everyone’s coming over later…”

“Sounds fun,” Shadow carried their goods to the bathroom. “I’m gonna clean up, if you wanna join me?~” their eyebrows waggled up and down.

“Don’t tempt me,” She sighed, “I have to make sure this doesn’t burn.”

“Damn. You’re comin’ next time though!” Their double meaning is obvious. Shadow doesn’t shut the door anyway. Vio chewed on her lips before huffing. She set the gas on low and gave in, following Shadow. Hot water is already steaming the glass panes, slight fog from the temperature difference. They peeked over their shoulders, smirking. They knew she couldn’t resist. Vio joined them.

[havinghorns]

I've thought a while about the anon ask who asked stuff about passing and "posing like a girl" (and you pondered after it what specificly are the things that would make you or someone not pass as a man)

I hope this does not cause you distress, but I think its something fundamental about the shape of your face and shape of your body from head to toe that in many peoples minds must clock you as a "woman", and sometimes posing and feminine things emphasize that. Some roundness in shapes and proportions that human brain cannot really unsee.

Which is fine I mean I do still see your style and how you express yourself and the way you look as very gay and masculine. If I didnt know better and just saw some picture, I'd propably think you are a really muscular gay woman. There are some pictures where Id propably say I am looking at a man.

There are some things we are born with that we cannot escape, some people who transition have more passing looks than others from the beginning. I dont know if you pass as a man in your daily life or not and will or can it change or not but what I do want to say is that either way you are really cool, dont let those things ever get in the way of your art and self expression and you being you. I know dysphoria and the pain and anxiety it causes wont just magically disappear like that but I'm still going to tell you that youre great as you are.

I guess this is hardly an "ask" but something that has lived in my brain for days.

I gotta say Anon, I'm not...entirely sure why you sent this? Like it's not hurtful but I also don't really understand the point. I feel vaguely patronized here but I'm going to just assume the best that you're...trying to help?

I mean...yea I know that LOL. I'm not delusional--I'm 5'4", I have a very round face and big legs, a high voice and a not particularly butch way of standing/walking/emoting/speaking. People just day-to-day probaby do often see me as a muscular woman, and like, if it's not someone that I need to interact with regularly, that's fine, who cares? It hurts no one (not even me, really)

When I say I'm interested in the things about me that maybe read as more masculine/feminine, it's not like...so I can change these things, or even to really identify them for myself. I just think it's interesting on like, a social level. Like at a certain point it's hilariously reductive--literally nothing else I've done has changed "ma'am" to "sir" then cutting my hair really short because that's just how society's brain is wired. But I like long hair so...it stays.

Any interest in "passing" really comes down to being vaguely masc enough that all the dudes trying so hard to keep their eyes on their own dick in the restroom don't catch enough femme vibes out of the corner of their vision to start a fight TBH.

And uh. Yeah no it hasn't stopped my self-expression or art or anything for...yeah 35 years now so I think we're good?

[ilynpilled]

Hey! So I'm from the Jaime/Lannister side of the fandom but wanted to ask your opinion on where you think GRRM is going with Dany. I don't mean spell out her endgame or anything, but what messages do you think he is trying to impart through her character? I see so much Dark!Dany! theory shaped by the show that has just never really resonated with how I read her in the books. I see her more as a figure who will try to be Queen of Westeros, but will ultimately end up abdicating or even sacrificing herself during the LN because finding "home" is more important to her than ruling... but that is not based on much other than gut feeling. What do you think?

yeah idrgaf about the show tbh. i think it fundamentally misunderstood key themes that the books were exploring. corrupted/mad dany feels so deeply cynical to me. people have been reiterating this: she is a subversive messiah figure & she is given a narrative that is so often reserved for the “male hero”. the gender commentary in that would fall flat on its face to me if she becomes mad fascist female ruler like bffr. yeah, she will get darker come winds, like everyone else she will have to make choices and will face moral dilemmas because she is resolved to continue combatting the institution of slavery. she knows she will not be able to do it without dirtying her hands in some way. i think grrm is gonna explore the concept of necessary force and the question of when it is more moral to take a stand and draw blood: is it justified to cut off and burn something at the root, especially if the alternative is allowing the cancer to exist and continue to spread? the institution of slavery is a wound that cannot just be covered up with a bandaid. like this is a very important aspect of abolition. the only way i can see the idea of “madness” be relevant is in a more subversive john brown paralleling way with how people thought that man was insane bc he wanted to end slavery lmfao. if terrible people think you are mad for attempting to make radical changes that harm them that is a good sign. also would hate her becoming an aerys parallel like in the show like that is cringe bio essentialism territory, again, antithetical to the themes prevalent in these books. d&d’s #subversive #dark #unexpected ending was unironically the equivalent of:

do not want her ‘idealism’ to be completely robbed from her at any point either really. im not opposed to tragedy but i dont think id vibe with it being too cynical in this instance. this series is about earned romanticism. its heroes are the dreamers yada yada. it is about a dream of spring. i always thought she represented hope in some way. she is gonna be the flame during TLN, literally and metaphorically imo. i do think there are thematic and more abstract aspects to lightbringer, like yeah humanity uniting over an ideal for a better future & it can be about hope or whatever, which is why multiple characters have some kind of flaming sword foreshadowing, but a main one is gonna be dany and her dragons. like on top of all the pretty overt foreshadowing, like let us think about the logistics here, what is gonna do more damage to the others?? three magic nukes or some convenient dues ex machina magical flaming toothpick we forge out of murdering a woman? i also do not want to instantly write her off as a doomed martyr either though. i see the appeal in the tragedy of the kind girl who wanted a home dying without ever getting to live in the one she created but still leaving it for millions upon millions of people present and future… but also idk i am just not crazy about martyrdom as a trope unless it is executed very well. i like when characters survive for a cause rather than die for it. dany always kept persevering, not just for herself, but others: her children and her people, so i like when altruism is framed in that way. also i might be a little bitter if she is the only one to die from the new generation or whatever like in the show