#i am honest to god losing it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

trickstersaint · 2 months ago

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i want to introduce you all to a project that is very close to my heart... or lack of one. anyway. for anyone who has ever wanted to play a poem. i'd like you to meet aromanticism

(link opens itch.io - she'll run on html in your browser! please be nice to her!)

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deoidesign · 4 months ago

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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.

Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!

Hi there!

Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!

It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!

I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha

I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then

I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...

The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.

It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.

Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.

I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.

I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.

#asks #steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches #I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO #I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible #theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk #basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster #and I chose to take longer #so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written #it. ok well to be honest #it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural #but it's been SO much work LMAO #I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is #I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO #ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing #but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP #THERES SO MUCH #and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard #ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY #YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy #this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it #cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often #I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone #right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change #and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think #I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao

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nicoscheer · 10 months ago

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mileskane In a shower in Paris x

📸 @ogden.ewan

Twitter

TikTok

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Literally me: (blushing, giggling, hiding my face in my hands, kicking my feet, running away)

28/02/2024 and he just decides to drop this:

Oh do I hate him 🫶🏽

Oh he KNOWS exactly what he’s doing

#he’s just given up all pretense now huh just outright posting thirst traps no fucks gives 😭🤣#Miles Kane #he’s officially gone off the rails #the caption like SIR?!!!#bless our lord and savior Ewan #oh I am so sorry but his hand position suggest certain uhm things …cuffs…#19/02/2024 #lord have mercy #if whoever he tried to impress with these didn’t go down on their knees 🫢🫢#that idiot honest to god uploaded a complication of them shower pics 😳💅#brain.exe has stopped working #he just had to upload these to insta; twitter & tiktok 😇#love how we’re all losing our collective minds over them pics #and like the red tile ain’t helping as well as the caption like what did he expect us to think he’s in some basement dungeon cuz honestly 🤨#and then as direct contrast the turtle charm bracelet

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apocalypticdemon · 6 months ago

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so i'm finally reading through the terror scripts and i think this was designed to cause me physical pain.

crozier was supposed to be drinking to schubert..... god

#it's honest to god so interesting to see what was cut and what was rearranged #but the uh. the descriptions of the emotions that were not to be spoken?#the internal thought processes that can't be precisely conveyed without words?#i am Dying. this is Killing Me.#fucking *schubert*. god.#'it is not romantic or charismatic. it is hard to watch.' SEND HELP #the terror #i wish i had more coherent thoughts but like. jesus christ.#schubert also had some truly wretched parts of his life.#he wasn't able to marry women of higher classes than him. this was bc of a law that prohibited it but he was still restrained by his financ #*finances #a thing that sophia specifically points out to crozier in the show #aside from that there isn't much that i know off the top of my head #but his 'winterreise' is truly depressing. and 'die schone mullerin' isn't much better #actually die schone mullerin might be very apt for this.#the narrative follows a man falling in love with a woman that is beyond his grasp. and eventually ends in him fantasizing about his death.#uh. presumably the singer drowns in a brook at the end.#so! yeah! that one line in the script is making me lose my mind.#i am gonna keep reading them but i also think i will be a very sad puddle by the end of it #forgive the tag rambling. schubert isn't a main focus of mine #but i know a bit about him and a good bit about his music. it's. painful. also schubert died very young. like 31 years old young.#but anyway i guess i will find the damndest of parallels everywhere.

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thompsborn · 1 year ago

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parksborn au where harry is a prince. that’s it. i’m not awake enough to think of anything else but harry is a prince and somehow him and peter become best friends as kids and grow up constantly aware of each other and the struggles they face but their struggles are completely opposite from each other’s and and. and. and.

#parksborn #thinking of like. like 8 year old prince harry sneaking off during an event and meeting stuck in poverty peter parker #recently orphaned living with his aunt and uncle but sneaking out at night to explore or something or just to do something because he hasnt #been able to sleep much since losing his parents #and harry is like imma be honest i have no clue where i am #and peter is like ur literally the prince?? this is your kingdom????#and harry is like yeah but also i have left the palace grounds a total of 17 times #and peter is like ok well there’s a litter of puppies being raised by the street dog i’ve taken care of since i was 5. wanna meet them #i said im too tired to think of more and then i thought of more #and now it is the only thing i can think of #god the way i would be writing this right this second if i wasn’t literally half asleep currently

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hotsugarbyglassanimals · 11 days ago

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it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process

#it comes with the double edged sword of dropping projects as soon as they become a bit more involved/difficult #or when they don't feel fulfilling #but maybe it's better to take a break and come back to something with new knowledge ?#maybe it's good that my brain has a built in 'if it sucks hit da bricks' function ?#i just wish that i had more stamina for these things when they start lacking intrinsic rewards #it just feels like compared to my other family members i lose steam very very quickly and since we all have the same disorder i should be-#- 'just as capable'... but honest to god my under-activity feels SO severe #it honestly feels like compared to others my threshold for mental exhaustion is half the normal benchmark it should be #you know how there were studies done that found that 4 hours is the maximum amount of time people can work before a decline in efficiency?#i swear to god when the activity is something i have no internal reward for it takes 1-2 hours for that decline to start. and my brain -#- crashes HARD. my eyes start to glaze over. i start forgetting how to speak. my brain starts acting like it's 2-3 am and that i need to -#- sleep. i don't push myself not because i coddle myself but because i perform WAY worse. my work becomes unintelligible #or if it's some other kind of task (such as cleaning) my brain desperately tries to take shortcuts in order to get it done #i am trying to avoid a situation where i have to fix up the shitty job i did after the fact!#it's just kind of crazy to me how this is viewed as laziness LOL 'you did a bad job!' because i was pushed past my limit!#not to mention... i get burned out for DAYS if i push myself too hard. i am trying to conserve my efficiency #if you want me to do a better job... i need more time. and trust me: i'll do an excellent job if you let me rest #i am a very smart and capable person who cares about doing a good job - and i have a fine eye for smaller details as well #the trade-off here is i'll need some time to find joy and fulfillment somewhere else for a little bit while i rest. let me excel ok?#idk where this high self esteem came from other than like. realizing i wrote an entire research proposal in such short time #while receiving positive feedback with very few notes for improvement. i just sat down an added another section today based on -#-feedback and realized like 'wait. i know what i'm doing and i probably care about this far more than the average classmate'#i've been having a lot of thoughts lately and i sort of want to get to the bottom of how i have a difficult time coping w/ burnout #and i also want to figure out how to offset the costs of the stuff i need to do... it's a process

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dalishthunder · 7 months ago

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Love being my mother's emotional punching bag

#super fun #anyways I thought about it and I might honestly just... move out to Portland in august #I was thinking october after my friend gets married #but honest to god if I have to live with them for another 6 months I might actually lose myself #I'm not allowed to cook/prepare food anymore because I didn't do the dishes fast enough #cool this is gonna go great #im not gonna hurt myself though #im an adult with a job #I don't need to punish myself for existing #I am going to hide her remote though #in the space between the floorboards that you have to take out the vent for #August #im going to move out in august #odt #vent #self harm mention

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sixpomseeds · 1 year ago

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begging square enix to take a step back during development and actually see which characters have chemistry and a compelling dynamic and HAVE THEM KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE

#cidolfus telamon x clive rosfield #cid x clive #i honest to god wanna run out into the street and scream until i lose my voice #I AM BESIDE MYSELF #LIKE I *KNEW* WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN AND YET #pain pain pain pain #i need square to understand that love interest is not actually a personality it just describes a narrative role

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batz · 1 year ago

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#oaghhh diamox has me feeling really sick its the worst #i cant get outta bed i cant eat i cant do Anything ! just in pain and laying n bed #still have no idea why they have me back on these meds bc its making things So much worse :(#but unfortunately doctors even neurlogists only focus on weightloss and diamox already made me lose almost 100 pounds i feel SICK #felt healthier when i didnt lose that weight i am being 100% honest here. i hate diamox so fuckig much #frank.txt #also makes my body pain so much worse idk i just hate this brain thing #im thinking of just . stopping the meds even tho my neurologist says not to bc like even he says theyr not making a difference!!!#but he wants me on them so he can compliment my body shrinking every god damn appointment and remind me of how sick i am and feel #eugh #again . diamox doesnt impact my veins and im having an issue w veins in my neck and brain #bc of that im dealing w some pain. they fix that by putting in a stent but instead they just rlly want to like #see How Much Frankie Can Shrink #and ignore the fact that alll they can do is sleep bc theyr shrinking too much #fatphobia m #at least i gain back the weight and feel a million times better when im off tbe meds but still i hate it so bad #they even notice that i feel better after regaining the weight i lost and my optic nerves r no longer Damaged but like #idk .#its just Frustrating ! chronic illness moment

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 1 year ago

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How to explain that going to church makes me hurt and angry, but not going to church makes me sad and depressed.

#I need to go to Mass. I need to get over the anxiety mental block and just go.#blue chatter #it’s just. I’ve only gone a couple times this semester and every time has left me feeling more empty and hurt than when I walked in #and I know Mass is more than just how you feel. and that it matters that I am there where God calls me to be #I know.#I wish nobody there knew me so they wouldn’t be so worried and ask questions about where I’ve been #it’s like. I cannot possibly explain to my church friends why I haven’t been showing up.#it’s not even scrupulosity anymore it’s just. I can’t be here. I don’t belong here.#and the new priest is trying *so hard*. I’ve been honest with him about how I’m struggling.#but it’s just. there’s something missing. he wants to include the congregation but fundamentally doesn’t understand what that means.#‘everyone is welcome. No I will not make an effort to include marginalized people. they’re welcome bc they can Walk In The Door.’#and I know it’s not that the church has changed #if anything I’d be having the same issues with the old priest. I’m the one who’s changed.#but instead of spending my Sundays with God I’m just. melting into a puddle of Sad. and that’s not good for my faith life.#I need to do *something*. I just. any time I think of trying a new church i feel exhausted.#God please help me.#I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t want to be alone and miserable and losing touch with my faith

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idon-twannabeperceived · 7 months ago

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The only thing worse than keeping the same 5 to 10 albums on repeat is actually finding new music i like

#ngl i love my children but i am getting kinda to the point where sometimes idk what to listen to bc I've heard them all too many times #i did buy new ones recently soo i am more into listening to new music if i have the physical album #bc brother if i listen to ænima one more time I'm gonna honest to god lose my shit #great album btw

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our-lady-of-mcr · 8 months ago

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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn

#self #for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school #and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt #trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house #for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO #and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time #i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it #is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication #which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it #but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can #and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar #but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely #on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment #her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way #i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to #hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very #honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer #regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend #i am not the person who put that shit in your folder #though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is #and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building #that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months #yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you #AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not #im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that #shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything #so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything

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adamsappl · 8 months ago

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anonymous sent: K but have you considered that Adam was apparently the "first soul in heaven" Meaning either he died before his entire family OR none of the rest of his family who died before him, like Abel, got to go to Heaven.

I have talked about this before actually!! my adam is of the timeline that he was the only one in his family to go to heaven, and that fact is one of the biggest reasons he got so much worse throughout his afterlife. adam is/was caught in a cycle of losing ... pretty much everything he cares about. first lilith, then the garden, then abel, then (upon death) eve and the rest of his family -- and being the only human soul in heaven for such a long time, he eventually found it easier to just stop caring about people. can't lose what he never had to begin with. the only person he's really cared about since his death is lute ( and, to a lesser extent, the exorcists as a whole ) but he's not just going to CHANGE because he cares about someone. they encourage his shitty behavior, if anything.

WHY the rest of early humanity went to hell, i don't know. but that complete disconnect from the rest of humanity after his death fucked adam up.

#//i am of the mind that adam was a good person throughout his life #//a control freak yes. an inexperienced dad ABSOLUTELY. but he LOVED his family #//and you better believe he did his damn best for them every day #//and to suddenly lose all of that. whether he went to heaven or not that would ruin a man like adam #//and it did #//ive been meaning to make a post about this but that very fact is the reason he bit the apple to begin with #//when given the choice between the garden and eve he'd choose eve every time. because what has the garden got that he cant find with her #//what IS he without her #//honest to god he would've better off if he'd gone to hell to begin with #//but you know how it is.#˙⋆✮ 𝘀𝗮𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 ( 𝙡𝙤𝙬 ��𝙡𝙤𝙬，𝙠𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣 ) 𓂋 ooc ✮⋆˙

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thedevotionaltour · 9 months ago

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thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

#static.soundz #crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad #bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons #when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words.#i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad #and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason.#it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college #bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection #bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular #but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad)#(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood #so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult.#they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time.#bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now?#why at this moment and no other time?#but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him.#more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.'#it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna #drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me.#i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds #that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year #when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music #i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm #im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.

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art-from-the-pantry · 1 year ago

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I wouldn't normally post self-portraits, but I don't think I know anyone who would let me call this one. Also hey, it's that special time of the year, this gets a pass.

#and with special time of the year I mean the worst fucking time of my life once again. yip-fucking-ie. Fourth year in a row lets celebrate #open it in a new tab for better quality if you want to spot all the mistakes I made #I hate this drawing. it was thrown together in a fit of I am real and I am tangible as well as breakdown induced migraines #Which explains the missing jaw actually I didn't even think about that #Is it anatomically accurate? How am I to know. I have yet to rip my throat out #as tempting as it is #But yeah this is the result of having to stare at a mirror for hours to not lose sight of reality #At this point it feels like I am splitting into three people at once and none of them can find it in themselves to text my friends #All of this is going to pass like every year but God does it suck. If anyone can relate to this drawing I am so sorry; seek help #anyway rant over back into the fog of migraines and isolation I go #I just wanted this drawing out there so I can get rid of it on my harddrive. I will be honest I use this account as an archive for my art #tw body horror #tw blood #tw injury

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bearsbeetsbeskar · 2 years ago

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Anyone else ready to be unhinged on March 1st?

#The mandalorian #favourite father son duo #din darjin #I am going to lose my shit honest to god

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