#i am having SO much fun making these amvs let me tell you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

insanelyadd · 1 year ago

Note

If the song fits it fits, regardless of possible embarrassment. Anyway, lets hear what songs you put together, and what your reasons are!

Oh ho ho, you just gave me a chance to talk about music, hee hee hoo hoo.

Okay so I'll start with the playlist I made for the Collector, as a heads up note about all of these playlists, I am far from done, so while they're all short right now, I will be getting around to adding more.

Through Glass by Stone Sour -

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed All I know is that it feels like forever When no one ever tells you that forever feels like home Sitting all alone inside your head How do you feel? That is the question But I forget you don't expect an easy answer When something like a soul becomes initialized And folded up like paper dolls and little notes You can't expect a bit of hope So while you're outside looking in Describing what you see Remember what you're staring at is me (...) How much is real? So much to question An epidemic of the mannequins Contaminating everything We thought came from the heart It never did right from the start Just listen to the noises (Null and void instead of voices) Before you tell yourself It's just a different scene Remember it's just different from what you've seen (...) And it's the stars The stars that shine for you And it's the stars The stars that lie to you, yeah-ah And it's the stars The stars that shine for you And it's the stars The stars that lie to you, yeah-ah

I cannot stress enough that these are the actual lyrics and I did not move them around or anything, all I did was remove the repeating verses/choruses. This song came out in 2006. An absolute shoe-in to be used in AMVs for this little guy except it's a rock song from 2006 and not an indie-pop song from the last five years and it's also not popular.

I was doing my usual thing like a week or two ago where I go through a bunch of songs I heard on the radio when I was in elementary school and as I was relistening to this song I felt like I had lost my mind. I remember relating to this song a lot when I was little kid because the song is about being lonely, and I think the Collector would relate to it too. More kids should listen to rock music from the 2000s because I am deluded* and think a lot of it is good. Music critics tremble before me when they try to say nu metal is bad and I just say "Nah".

(*Yes I do have psychosis and have delusions for realsies, I can use this word)

After this it's all under the cut because this post will end up being long because I fucking love talking about lyrics and the fun little picture shows my brain makes when I hear a song that fits a character. if you don't feel like reading the Archivists playlist discussion be happy knowing I summed all of them up in one picture:

No Lullaby by Siames -

What's the meaning when you have a broken home, home, home? Where's the love when you were left on your own? So alone

The most relevant lyrics in the song are the chorus because the verses on this song are super abstract, like more than their other songs that I've heard. Final lines of the song are the above lines but instead of "so alone" it says "Who says you're on your own?" which feels like how their arc concludes in the show.

All the Best by Siames -

Let's play pretend now Don't be afraid, no Stop being worried this could be the way We are what we made up Ready for a new start Follow your dreams no other way will be that great And I'll keep searching for all the best Picture yourself in a rocket and believe you can be anything you want The meaning of our actions feeds the power of attraction, let it flow Just let it flow It's right under our noses Going through our minds With passion and devotion (with passion and devotion) Your light can be our sun

I feel the lyrics here are pretty self-explanatory. Since the band is Argentinian I'm going to forgive any wonkyness in the lyrics.

Steal My Sunshine by LEN -

Genuinely the lyrics for this song are very abstract but apparently it was written when the brother and sister of the group were having a fight. Though I think the lines "And of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done, So I missed a million miles of fun" are pretty good. Also it sort of just sounds like a song he would like.

Island In The Sun by Wheezer -

On an island in the sun We'll be playing and having fun And it makes me feel so fine I can't control my brain We'll run away together We'll spend some time forever We'll never feel bad anymore

Escapism, sun motif, easy pick for the Collector. Plus the song itself has this sort of fun, laid back up-beatness to it.

Kids by MGMT -

You were a child, crawling on your knees toward it Making momma so proud But your voice is too loud We like to watch you laughing You pick the insects off plants No time to think of consequences Control yourself Take only what you need from it A family of trees wanting To be haunted (...) The memories fade like looking through a fogged mirror Decision to decisions are made and not bought But I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot, I guess not

I made a whole AMV for the Collector and King set to this song, it's a perfect fit, if I were to post all the relevant lyrics I would probably end up posting the whole song. Actually fuck it I'll post them anyways for everyone who's never heard this song.

Fine by Lemon Demon - (the sped up version)

Light is on the way, we'll be having a fun time It's such a lovely day, we should pocket the sunshine And never give it back, even if there's a heat wave We're stalling on the track, it will just be a close shave I know (I know) That in a snap, all the birds will sing I know (I know) I'm full of crap, but still Everything works out nice in the end The sun will marry the moon It'll be fine Why don't we sit back, mellow again And have a nice afternoon? It'll be fine

I feel like this is a fun song for them. Once again sun and moon imagery in the song, outwardly cheerful and bouncy in that way, but menacing at the same time.

GRRRLS by Aviva - (specifically the version that's a Collector animatic)

I can't explain it better than the video explains itself, so here's a link

Best of You by Foo Fighters -

I've got another confession to make I'm your fool Everyone's got their chains to break Holding you Were you born to resist or be abused? Is someone getting the best, the best, the best The best of you?

I think it fits thematically with the Collector breaking free from the cycle of abuse he was subjected to.

When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down -

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone Everything I am and everything in me Wants to be the one you wanted me to be I'll never let you down even if I could I'd give up everything if only for your good So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there So love me when I'm gone Love me when I'm gone But when your education x-ray cannot see under my skin I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends Been roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone And part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone

Most annoying thing on the face of the earth when you're making playlists for child characters or siblings with terrible relationships is probably that every goddamn song you find where the lyrics are vague enough to be interpreted as a familial relationship and not romantic was probably still originally written to be romantic *strangles amatonormativity with my bare fucking hands for an hour straight*

So anyways in this context the song is about the Collector trying to reconcile their feelings about their family being shitty with their want to connect and love people and be comforted by the familiar.

Now for the playlists for the Archivists. I encourage you to look at the scroll bar on your screen. I will not judge you for looking at it and deciding you've read enough, especially since my Archivists (anyone's Archivists really) are totally made up and are basically OCs inhabiting a hole left by canon. I still have fun with them tho.

Penumbra first because she has the shortest playlist (Sorry Penny it's hard to find songs about being stressed by raising your younger siblings and being emotionally and mentally drained by stress)

Help! by The Beatles -

So much younger than today (I never need) I never needed anybody's help in any way (Now) but now these days are gone (these days are gone) I'm not so self assured (And now I find) now I find I've changed my mind And opened up the doors (...) In oh so many ways (My independ-) my independence seems to vanish in the haze (But) but every now and then (now and then) I feel so insecure

Once again on closer inspection of the lyrics I think this is AGAIN about romance. I choose to ignore it. I Do Not See It. I'm taking the implications out back and shooting them. Mainly I chose this song because it was kind of funny for everyone's playlists to be songs from the last 30 years mostly and Penny is out here like "I relate to this Beatles song which is a literal cry for help" someone save this woman (nonbinary).

Stressed Out by twenty one pilots -

Sometimes a certain smell will take me back to when I was young How come I'm never able to identify where it's coming from? I'd make a candle out of it if I ever found it Try to sell it, never sell out of it, I'd probably only sell one

*putting on a very serious face* She's stressed, she yearns for the nostalgia of when she wasn't responsible for so many things. The part about making money means nothing because I don't think Collectors participate in any economy because it's implied they don't need to eat and they could probably just magic up whatever they want/need.

Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine -

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers Leave all your love and your longing behind You can't carry it with you if you want to survive And I never wanted anything from you Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

She wants to stop being so stressed out all the time but I think if she suddenly stopped experiencing it she would probably explode. Girl needs a therapist so badly. And a vacation. I like this song because when I looked up the meaning it was like "Bad days will end and things will get better one day" and the lyrics describe the incoming happiness as graphically fatal and terrifying in its approach like being hit by a fucking train in the first two lines of the song.

D.A.N.C.E. by Justice -

No need to analyze the lyrics here, I think she would just genuinely like this song and dance to it, though I think part of it is that there's a little bit of desperation in the way it's sung, like "please dance you have to dance or you will die" which is probably how she would feel if she was given time to relax like "oh wow this has never happened before, am I supposed to be afraid?"

Next I'll do Crescent because why not. "Birth" order, sure. Also Crescent's songs should be fairly easy to explain

The Pretender by Foo Fighters -

Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend Keep you in the dark And so it all began Send in your skeletons Sing as their bones go marching in again They need you buried deep The secrets that you keep are ever ready Are you ready? (...) What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? You're the pretender What if I say I will never surrender? I'm the voice inside your head You refuse to hear I'm the face that you have to face Mirroring your stare I'm what's left, I'm what's right I'm the enemy I'm the hand that'll take you down Bring you to your knees So, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend

I mean. She's a liar, a pretender, she's keeping a secret (having their parent taken away) from her siblings. He's an evil bastard. This explanation will be the standard response to most songs in this playlist but maybe from different angles.

Dangerous by Big Data ft Joywave -

Nobody's listening when we're alone Nobody's listening, there's nobody listening, No one can hear us when we're alone No one can hear us, no, no one can hear us And I've gotta get out of here Sink down, into the dark Keep on running I've gotta get out of here (Keep on running) Sink down, into the dark You understand, they got a plan for us I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous It must be fate, I found a place for us I bet you didn't know someone could love you this much

A little bit uncharacteristically paranoid for Crescent tbh, but the song is fucking awesome and even though the most fitting part of the song is only one line "I bet you didn't know that I was dangerous" it is sung in this sort of taunting way that really has enough threatening intent to be perfect for him.

Miss Murder by AFI -

With just a look, they shook And heavens bowed before him Simply a look can break your heart The stars that pierce the sky He left them all behind We're left to wonder why He left us all behind

After reading the lyrics I have a suspicion they aren't what 10 year old me interpreted them to be about. That's alright. I can imagine the verses are about all the times Crescent has made cults to worship her (I have a HC that Collectors primarily do this as a means of acquiring samples from all the planets they visit because it's easier to convince the most advanced life on the planet that you are a god who demands tribute and getting them to mobilize for you VS going around finding all the animals and plants and whatever else yourself).

I Can't Decide by Scissor Sisters -

I've got to hand it to you You've played by all the same rules It takes the truth to fool me And now you've made me angry I can't decide Whether you should live or die Oh, you'll probably go to heaven Please don't hang your head and cry No wonder why My heart feels dead inside It's cold and hard and petrified Lock the doors and close the blinds We're going for a ride

Did I tell you guys??? Did I mention??? Crescent likes to kill people???? Most interesting part of this choice is how the truth will fool him, which is true. If she believes something that isn't true about you and makes the wrong assumptions based on that it's better for you in the long run, though continued exposure to her increases the chances that he'll eventually realize he made the wrong guess and then he'll get Very Mad about it.

Breezeblocks by alt-J -

No lyrical analysis because yeah they don't really fit but I like the song for the vibe, mainly the ending, though that sort of repetitive mania isn't really in line with how I characterize Crescent. I personally love it, this song triggers my mania sometimes and it's great.

Lone Digger by Caravan Palace -

Another one where it's less about how I write the character and more about what I think she'd like to listen or dance to. I think she would enjoy the frantic energy of the song.

You're Gonna Go Far Kid by Offspring -

Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time And turning all against the one is an art that's hard to teach Another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd And as you step back into line, a mob jumps to their feet (...) With a thousand lies and a good disguise Hit 'em right between the eyes Hit 'em right between the eyes When you walk away, nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See 'em running for their lives Slowly out of line, and drifting closer in your sight So play it out, I'm wide awake, it's a scene about me There's something in your way and now someone is gonna pay And if you can't get what you want, well, it's all because of me

I feel like the picture here is clear, liar, manipulative, doesn't show her true face so she's always in disguise (metaphorically), the implication of murder/fighting. *slaps the hood of this song* This baby can fit so many of Crescent's worst qualities in it.

I Get It by CheVelle -

So you say you're ignored, as it is Well, give us your sad, sad trip You're right, I get it It all makes sense, you're the perfect person So bright, so wrong Let's all live in your imaginary life Assumed it's whether We're right, or wrong We're doomed and there's plenty for all How dare you catch me counting? How dare you call at all? How dare you call this suffering? How dare you call at all?

Crescent's inner monologue if either of the Twins voice their concerns about anything. Someone needs to hit him with a car.

Annihilation by A Perfect Circle -

It's your choice, your choice, your choice, your choice, Peace or annihilation

This song I think is originally about the American military industrial complex and nuclear war. So anyways for my dumb little OC's playlist this is basically the choice they give the people of the planets they visit if they start to get hostile. "Hey, I know things are tense but have you considered that I will boil your oceans and burn your world to ash if you don't choose to be nice?" Obviously it's also another instance of the song only really having one or two lines that strongly fit the vibe but you see the vision?

You're Going Down by Sick Puppies -

Define your meaning of war To me, it's what we do when we're bored I feel the heat comin' off of the blacktop And it makes me want it more Because I'm hyped up, out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know (...) This is hardly worth fighting for But it's the little petty shit that I can't ignore When my fist hits your face and your face hits the floor It'll be a long time comin' Bet you got the message now 'Cause I was never goin' Yeah, you're the one that's going down

Oh hey one thing I haven't said about Crescent yet is she sometimes beats the shit out of her siblings (mainly Solari who instigates it on purpose even though she knows she'll lose because it's worth it to them to get under his skin). Well when I say "beats the shit out of them" I mean it more like Crescent can get a single good solid hit in and it knocks Solari down and the fight is over. Solari has never actually been mad enough to push their luck into a full-on brawl with Crescent. If Solari actually, for real, wants to fight him then she duels him with magic instead because it's an even match-up.

Next up I'll do Solari

She also has You're Going Down, but intended from the opposite perspective, while Crescent is the singer, Solari is the listener.

The Red by CheVelle -

The red Well, it filters through So lay down The threat is real When his sight Goes red again Seeing red again Seeing red again

You might be wondering, is this another song from Solari's perspective about Crescent? No. Solari gets so mad she basically loses all control of herself, hence the destruction of property she does. If they ever got actually mad enough to actually fight Crescent for real with their hands, she would be a very dirty fighter. She sees Crescent on her missions visiting the worlds of mortals. She's watched him fight for thousands of years. Crescent has never seen Solari fight with their hands. She might not be as physically strong as he is but she would be able to have the advantage of Crescent not knowing what to expect. Plus if Satellite is there and something has made their twin THAT mad then they would join in too.

Headstrong by Trapt -

Conclusions manifest Your first impressions got to be your very best I see you're full of shit and that's alright That's how you play, I guess you get through every night Well, now that's over I see your fantasy You wanna make it a reality paved in gold See inside, inside of our heads, yeah Well, now that's over I see your motives inside Decisions to hide Back off, I'll take you on Headstrong to take on any one I know that you are wrong Headstrong, we're headstrong

Solari's mind when they're about to start shit with Crescent again. Unrelated I saw the band was marked red on my screen earlier and I was like "???" for a half second before remembering the lead singer is a dipshit loser who whines on twitter and facebook because I guess he has nothing better to do. May the miserable cretin never chart again.

Oh No! by Marina -

I just wanna change I just wanna change I just wanna change I just wanna change I just wanna change I know exactly what I want and who I want to be I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh! One track mind, one track heart If I fail, I'll fall apart Maybe it is all a test 'Cause, I feel like I'm the worst So I always act like I'm the best

We've come to the portion of the playlist where Solari is consumed by guilt and regret. It's actually not separated like that, I'm just saying these lines speak to how she wants to change who she is as a person because she realizes she doesn't like who she currently is. Not that Penumbra or Crescent would know she's trying to get better, because Solari doesn't respect either of them and does not put in effort into improving herself for them, she's doing it for her little brother, the Collector. Even if she never gets to see them again.

Bother by Stone Sour -

Wish I was too dead to cry My self-affliction fades Stones to throw at my creator Masochists to which I cater You don't need to bother I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on I won't let go 'til it bleeds Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I cared at all Never had a voice to protest So you fed me shit to digest I wish I had a reason My flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying

I did mention they are being eaten alive by guilt and regrets right? This is for when Solari is having a bad time in her head.

Riot by Three Days Grace -

If you feel so empty So used up, so let down If you feel so angry So ripped off, so stepped on You're not the only one refusing to back down You're not the only one, so get up Let's start a riot A riot Let's start a riot

Solari is ready and back to being angry. They totally would incite a riot if they felt like they had a good enough reason to start one.

Fine Again by Seether -

And I am aware now Of how everything's gonna be fine One day, too late, I'm in Hell I am prepared now Seems everyone's gonna be fine One day, too late, just as well I feel a dream in me expire And there's no one left to blame it on I hear you label me a liar 'Cause I can't seem to get this through

Just kidding it's Solari Emo Hours again. The only line in the song that doesn't really apply are the lines about staying sober because I HC that there isn't really any chemical that has any effect on Collectors like that. Anyways this is Solari being like "Wow the two older siblings were able to just go back to pretending everything is fine after getting rid of our baby sibling what the fuck."

These next three songs Solari shares with Satellite so I'll talk about why I chose them for both.

Send the Pain Below by CheVelle -

I liked having hurt So send the pain below Where I need it You used to beg me to take care of things And smile at the thought of me failing But long before having hurt I'd send the pain below I'd send the pain below Much like suffocating Much like suffocating (...) You used to run me away all while laughing Then cry about the fact 'til I returned But long before having hurt I'd send the pain below I'd send the pain below

This is a bit messy but whenever the lines say "You did this" that's a perspective shift for the line from the twins' perspective to The Collector. Basically another song about the twins regretting being shitheads to their baby brother.

Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park -

Memories consume Like opening the wound I'm picking me apart again You all assume I'm safe here in my room Unless I try to start again I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright So, I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit tonight

I'm going to assume some of this song is about some type of addiction. I'm disregarding that. Anyways the part about behavioral issues and not knowing why you act the way you do does align with the twins, and I mentioned it previously with Solari, about her trying to get better for the Collector, if he ever returns, but the same applies to Satellite. Though Satellite is at least attempting to practice this with Penumbra and Crescent. It's kind of difficult because they're so afraid of both of them, and Crescent avoids talking to them whenever he's actually around.

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men -

I don't like walking around this old and empty house So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear The stairs creak as you sleep It's keeping me awake It's the house telling you to close your eyes And some days I can't even dress myself It's killing me to see you this way 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore There's an old voice in my head That's holding me back Well, tell her that I miss our little talks Soon it will be over and buried with our past We used to play outside when we were young And full of life and full of love Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore Don't listen to a word I say (Hey) The screams all sound the same (Hey) And though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore You're gone, gone, gone away I watched you disappear All that's left is a ghost of you Now we're torn, torn, torn apart There's nothing we can do Just let me go, we'll meet again soon Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around I'll see you when I fall asleep

Yeah it's basically the full song. Once again the lyrics were vague and I had to dig around to find out it was written with romance in mind but I am sending my fucking mind beams out and blowing that up. Anyways tell me this couldn't be about Satellite and Solari's guilt for how they treated their little sibling and the last verse here where they "watched you disappear" is about when the Collector was imprisoned, and the torn apart bit is how they feel about their family. I might not identify as asexual anymore (further testing necessary I'll get back to you all on this if it turns out to be true) but I am still going to be fucking grabbing songwriters in my mouth and violently shaking them. Please can you just write complex interesting relationships into songs without being "OH YEAH IT'S ROMANCE" man there's other types of love. Please. I am on my fucking hands and knees.

*double checks playlist* Oh shit Fine Again by Seether is also on Satellite's playlist. Same explanation applies. Don't feel like moving shit around and adding accommodations in the existing text, I've been working on this for four hours because I have severe ADHD and I am dogshit at prioritizing anything.

If you get this far comment on the post about my brave stance that if a candle smells good enough I would eat it. It hasn't happened yet but my toasted coconut s'more candle tempts me every fucking time I smell it.

Anyways now it's Just Satellite

Unwell by Matchbox Twenty -

Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown And I don't know why But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell I know, right now you can't tell But stay a while and maybe then you'll see A different side of me I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired I know, right now you don't care But soon enough you're gonna think of me And how I used to be, me

Fun fact I actually listen to this song when I feel like I might be about to have a bout of existential terror or some other flavor of mental breakdown and singing along to it calms me down. Obviously, Satellite would be able to relate about feeling gripped by a nebulous madness that Changes You when it hits. I actually have an idea for what I might have unintentionally gave them. Like. This is buried deep enough no one will hit it.

Anyways like a few days after I wrote my fucking long ass post about the Archivists and Collector's relationships and related HC and shit I began wondering. "Am I Autistic??" Asked a friend who is autistic and has ADHD at the same time (like what I would have if the answer to this wonder is yes) and she gave me some things to read about it and I was like "oh my fucking god this is literally all me." and then, because I'm some type of menace freak and I reread my posts that I like frequently, I reread my post about the Archivists and shit and I was like "Ah fuck are they all autistic??? I knew I couldn't write neurotypical people because I have literally never been one but seriously??????"

Point is: I might be autistic. Mentioning it here and now because it seems like getting an actual diagnosis is going to be a huge fucking pain in the ass and won't happen for months. And I might have made the Archivists all autistic or probably other slivers of my various other mental illnesses because I am physically incapable writing a neurotypical person. Circling around to what started this tangent: Satellite absolutely has autistic meltdowns. I don't know if ADHD people get meltdowns like how I imagine Satellite gets them, but they are modeled after My Own experiences with having meltdowns. So anyways back to music analysis in relation to my dumbass little OCs.

Bound For The Floor by Local H -

Born to be down I've learned all my lessons before now Born to be down I think you'll get used to it And you just don't get it, you keep it copacetic And you learn to accept it, you know you're so pathetic (...) Born to be down I think that I've said this before now Born to be down What good is confidence?

I've actually always related this song to mental illness, ever since I was a kid, I always associated the song with the struggles of growing up neurodivergent and how it beats you down and you learn to accept it and live with it.

Words As Weapons by Seether -

All I really want is something beautiful to say Keep me locked up in your broken mind I keep searchin', never been able to find a Light behind your dead eyes Not anything at all You keep living in your own lie, ever-deceitful and ever-unfaithful Keep me guessin', keep me terrified Take everything from my world (...) Keep me dumb, keep me paralyzed Why try swimming? I'm drowning in fables You're not that saint that you externalize You're not anything at all It's oh-so playful when you demonize To spit out the hateful, you're willing and able Words are weapons I'd be terrified You're nothing in my world

Now a song for how Satellite feels about Crescent. Once again, about a person who lies and projects a self that isn't true to who they really are, and the singer is terrified of them, which fits because that's how Satellite feels about their older brother. Crescent is physically strong and gifted with weapons but her best weapon is her charisma and charm and how she uses it to manipulate people.

Keep Talking by Pink Floyd -

There's a silence surrounding me I can't seem to think straight I sit in the corner And no one can bother me I think I should speak now (why won't you talk to me?) I can't seem to speak now (you never talk to me) My words won't come out right (what are you thinking?) I feel like I'm drowning (what are you feeling?) I'm feeling weak now (why won't you talk to me?) But I can't show my weakness (you never talk to me) I sometimes wonder (what are you thinking?) Where do we go from here (what are you feeling?) I feel like I'm drowning (You never talk to me) you know I can't breathe now (What are you thinking?) We're going nowhere (What are you feeling?) We're going nowhere (Why won't you talk to me?) (You never talk to me) (What are you thinking?) (Where do we go from here?)

Now I saved this one for last even though it was literally the first song I ever started associating with Satellite because I think it really fits them. I think this is what it's like from their perspective when they have a meltdown. I don't really know how else to describe it so I guess I'll break this down line by line because sunk cost fallacy at this point why not.

"There's a silence surrounding me" in my own experience with meltdowns, which is what Satellite's are based off of, I find that all the blood rushes to my ears and I sort of lose the ability to recognize sound?

"I can't seem to think straight" probably self-explanatory but in my experience I stop having coherent thought and kind of only think in impulses.

"I sit in the corner, and no one can bother me," though this wasn't always the case (like when you're a child experiencing this you don't really understand what is even happening, and you develop this later in like when it's more like "ah this shit again") you will typically try to remove yourself from the situation that is causing you the distress that makes you have a meltdown in the first place.

"I think I should speak now, I can't seem to speak now, My words won't come out right" this could either be interpreted as a meltdown where you just shut down and stop talking or a meltdown where you fucking scream, I tended to have ones where I would just scream, but that might be because when I get the other way I end up crying silently instead so I might have filed those moments away as just normal "I am sad" moments?

"I feel like I'm drowning" meltdowns can be overwhelming, and when I'm overwhelmed I tend to stop my feet and flail my arms and sort of contort myself because?? I don't know. It feels like I'm trying to escape my own body honestly. Drowning in myself.

"I'm feeling weak now, but I can't show my weakness" this shit is fucking humiliating to have happen in public and around other people man, it sucks ass.

So anyways that is my ridiculously long ass post about music and my little bastards (and baby, the Collector is only baby) that I spent FIVE HOURS writing. I am going to go wash my hands because Bad Texture, drink some water, and then get floor time which is time where I lie face down on my floor and pretend to be a dead body.

#toh the collector #the collector #toh the archivists #the archivists #I am not going to fucking tag all these bands do you want me to be here for six hours???#musical discussion #if you want to skip to the end I did a great analysis of Keep Talking by Pink Floyd #and how you could interpret it as a song about having a meltdown #answears #long post under the cut #I am not fucking kidding if you open this post Prepare Yourself #toh spoilers

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thefuturewithoutus · 2 years ago

Note

hilson playlist anon here <3

okayyy so

leave a tender moment alone (bc.. canon)

euthanasia (ohh my god i found it through youtube last month and i cried watching the music video and then i was thinking about housdmd late at night and it popped up on my shuffleplay and i was like oh my go d it fits- i would have rec'ed it if you didn't already have it on there!)

tropic of cancer (this one wasnt an original conclusion, i got it from the music video that was going around houseblr.. anyway i love the song. im a ballet dancer also and like not to geek but that harp progression is from a pas de deux of the sugarplum fairy. gutpunch choice. to get into nutcracker lore: tchaikovsky was especially close to his sister and she died while he was composing the nutcracker (which prior to that point he didn't have much inspiration for) and it became kind of dedicated to his dead sister. most modern productions do it with a more settling ending with clara/marie/masha going back home but iirc in the original she stays in the land of the sweets. which.. an irreversible transition someone goes through. its been hypothesized that the sugarplum fairy represents womanhood (and clara cannot go back from that) OR the afterlife (which clara also cannot go back from, and tchaikovsky lost his own sister to). and also i have a kind of pavlovian response to nutcracker music at this point so i kept anticipating the descending violins after the harp progession that there is in the nutcracker music. but it's just looping. stuck in the limbo before the end. 'you can't come back / you won't come back'... and to tie it back to hilson. that amv was insane i cant even analyze it. also the fact it was written about grieving someone lost to cancer.. and the lines (got to like what kills / it kills just to know what kills).. wilson the oncologist and house not being able to do anything but accept that it's cancer and he can't swoop in and diagnose and save wilson. that was long huh)

take care (i love the sort of echoey feel to it. and 'i'll take care of you take care of you that's true'... need i say more. also beach house my beloved)

john my beloved (the whole song is so..raw. stumbling words at the bar / beauty blue eyes, my order of fries. CAN THIS BE MORE CANON. i am a man with a heart that offends / with its lonely and greedy demands. icarus point at the sun. so can we be friends sweetly before the mystery ends)

tell me you love me (my love, i've lost my faith in everything / tell me you love me anyway. canon dialogue from that car scene)

francis forever (another one on my "late night hilson brainrot + shuffle play. this gives hardcore early season 5 when house is trying to get wilson to come back)

me and my husband (but me and my husband / we are doing better / it's always been just him and me / together / so i bet all i have on that / furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime / we're sticking together / me and my husband / we're sticking together. literally what could be more hilson. theyre so codependent and in love)

and just for fun i'll make a hilson song recomendation! turtles all the way down by sammy copley. it's one of my favorite songs regardless but in the context of housemd it specifically makes me think of the whole amber-wilson-house dynamic.

anyway yeah! hopefully when i get my tumblr blog set up (long and complicated process due to my specific circumstances) i'll let you know and we can talk about house md :-)

YAY okay thank you for this response 🫶 going to do my best to respond to everything however i did just get out of class help. euthanasia literallt saddest post s8 hilson song of all time seriously 😭 ALSO? DID SOMEONE ELSE MAKE A HILSON YROPIC OF CANCER AMV? we need to link up. AND WOW... i never knew that about the harp instrumental in that song and I've been listening to it for years?? and with that context too that makes it make so much sense and even more sad ty for telling me that i'm going to be thinking about it forever probably. You get it though Tropic of Cancer destroys me actually it's one of my favorite songs ever.

no literally francis forever. have to admit my favorite type of hilson song is the one where it's pov house is pining. i gotta be real i see their relationship as wilson being the primarily giving one for a large part of it until amber then it flips. I've talked about this before but it was a huge shift for house i think it's that whole wilson fell first house fell harder like you get it.

i listened to turtles all the way down and you're so right.... so awesome i love it when house is miserable bc wilson is in a relationship helpp it's going on the playlist 🫶

#answered #anonymous #thank you for this again!!!!!!! love talking music and hilson definitely lmk when you make a blog!!!!!!!!!!!! 🫶 and also ty for enlightening #me on the sugarplum fairy harp on Tropic of cancer it's so genius in context now

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semimedieval · 4 months ago

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the beach, part 6: a stupid ass intermission

I am not dunking on Jack, whom I love very much, or on his writing, which had the same balance of strengths and weaknesses as mine, but the fact that we pivot from PLOT to Spark going "Let's bury Obsidian in the sand!" is.... really funny.

Quartz doesn't want to because she doesn't like being mean to Obsidian. I like this sudden entry-point of self-insertiness for Quartz, who – with the pillow fights and sand-burying and such – sometimes has trouble having the sort of silly teenage fun that she's all for earlier in the narrative. I turn my No, But (which Jack laments loudly, and which I felt guite guilty about) into a legitimate and very sad character moment. I really like Late August Katia's dedication to making Quartz a more real character.

Seeing Spark's slight dissappointmenr, she sighed. "I guess I'm overprotective, right? I suppopose I'm just afraid of getting onto Ovsidian's bad side.." Spark looked up. "Oh, that's it." She smiled. "It seems stupid, but he's important to me..." Something touched her eyes for a second, then she shook her hair in a carefree way and called, "Let's go swimming!"

She pivots so fast. Then Spark finds a message in a bottle and I have Lorcan say that's cliche while apologizing for it out of character, which seems like a huge waste of time. Rim shares chips with everyone. I'm about to be convinced that the note is an act of plot importance, when –

Spark held the note up to the sun. "Oh Spark, my love, your eyes aglow like the midsummer's sun, your hair dancing in the wind. How I wish you were mine, dearest." "CHARLIE!!!!!!!!" Spark roared, tossing the note into the water in her anger. Rim burst out laughing, unable to stop. When his laughter subsided, he jumped into the sea, picked up the bottle, and came back up. He scribbled something on a price of paper in sparks handwriting. He shoved it into the bottle and put the lid on. He tossed it a few meters away, so that it looked like spark had answered him. Then w walked a distance away and started digging a pit. "RIM! WHAT DID YOU JUST WRITE?!?" She screamed, kicking and flailing in the water. She tried to retrieve the bottle, but a huge wave pushed her back, she tried again. Another wave. Again. Another wave. "That's not fair, Rim! controlling the water like that!" Rim grinned. "Relax, it says; Meet me at the big rock, two hours before midnight; and you'll be standing on the rock, and he'll come along and fall into the pit. Then we all come out and help him out, and he helps us revive Tozi. Trust me, it'll make him feel usefull and accepted if we tell him we wanted him to help us." "I see.... Yes....... Yes..." she murmured slightly smiling.

Then the gang gets into making a big sand pit trap for Charlie. Looks like SOMEBODY gets to be buried in sand after all – and then the gang breaks for lunch. Rim makes "chicken salad sandwiches, lamb and tomato sauce sandwiches, and honey sandwiches." Ky declares that she "Loves Mediterranean!" which is cute, even if it makes no damn sense.

Augustine comes back! Where has he been! We are back to 'sheer vibes' themed roleplaying – Spark goes into town. Chuji walks around on the beach and thinks. Spark twists a curl of her hair. Augustine declares that he just watched an amazing AMV. Spark takes note of all of the cute boys in town. Spark buys heels and breaks them immediately. I bother Jack about when and where shililings where used as currency. CHuji imagines herself in a white dress, then berates herself for "turning into Quartz." Chuji picks up stones, Spark comes back from town, Quartz asks Quartz how town went, Lorcan bothers Obsidian and does not get engagement, and starts bothering Chuji instead, who explains that it "takes a while" for Obsidian to get talkative.

Quartz and Spark talk. Yippee!!!! Roleplaying used for its intended purpose? For real?

"How was town," Quartz asked Spark. Her anger turned to humour. "Oh nothing. One thing, never wear heels. Do you hear me?" "I'll keep that in mind," Quartz said softly, almost to herself.

I like the sense of unearned wistfulness that Quartz has about wearing shoes. Maybe it's because Obsidian threw all of hers out.

Lupus is mean to Ky about her calling him "Prince Charming," and Ky hits him with "It was a compliment, genius." Lupus doubles down and calls her annoying. Was I mad at Jack or something? Leave Lupus and Ky alone.

The stars come out. I assume that the plan is to do Soul Pearl stuff but everyone keeps appearing and disappearing, which makes it difficult. Quartz questions Tozi about the experience of being a ghost, which is cute, and Obsidian tells her to be respectful of Tozi's #boundaries, which is also sweet.

Everyone talks about where to find pearls. God this fucking section of story is such a nothingburger. Also Rim - wait hold up Rim and Quartz are talking again YIPEEEE let's get real with it.

it turns out that Rim doesn't leave the pearls with Quartz – instead, they leave them at the beach.

Rim looked through the pearls, tossing them into a pile. "Nope, not that I expected them to be one of them though" He said with a shrug. "Someone can have 'em if they want" "Nah, let's leave them here," Quartz suggested. He nodded smiling at her. "Good idea, someone else would get better use out of them then us." Rims logical mind was whirring trying to figure out where the pearl could be, what were the pendants for, and why the heck did sandwiches taste so good?

Rim gets scary visions from looking into the pendant. It's kind of LOTR core, which I think is a fun direction to take the pendants and should be a more real dimension in 3.0 and (if I ever write the damn thing) Next Gen 3.0.

She stared at the most and at Rim. "What happened? Did you feel anything?" Rim was slightly shocked. "Umm, if you count having a vision as something…" He was trying to understand what had happened. He flipped it over, and as he thought, it was smooth. "This is, this is only half..." He muttered, then louder; "We should try and find the pearl, we can work out what this is when we have time."

So we're back to a set of silly indecisions about HOW THEY SHOULD FIND THE SOUL PEARL! Jack declares that he and Augustine didn't plan this far, even though we later learn that Augustine did. Quartz rolls her eyes at Obsidian's Watermelon PTSD, which is both kind of mean and kind of funny.

Jack makes a call (yay! I love calls! I should HONESTLY have been more active about getting the two of them to come up with a real plan – we were in school together, the option was fully available to me!!!) and with moopy's help, decides that they're going to get the soul pearl from a dragon attack. To my eternal gratitude, the dragon attack starts, and this very very silly interlude ends completely.

#og rp lb #iteration 1.0

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kyrodo · 9 months ago

Text

Things are a lot better than back then. It's not entirely because who I'm interacting with is better, though that's a factor too. I am handling myself a lot better in the world of today. I have that experience that only comes through failure. I've gotten hurt, I've gotten struck down, I've made enemies and those enemies left me face down in the dirt after they had their fun.

But through it all, I gained wisdom. Everything about me feels so different from back then. First off I'm not stomping about acting like I'm some "king" because of an anime amv. Right? But I know how to handle myself better. I don't have anything to test my mettle and poke my buttons necessarily, at least the ones that would irritate me on the same level, but that in itself is a good thing. I can't take back all the embarrassing things I used to put out, I can't take back all the times I tried to approach and be polite expecting things would go well only to find some unexpected difficulties time and time again. And I can't avoid all the teasing and crap that has already been done to me.

But I am built different now. I am built in a way that is unlikely to ever experience or allow those things to happen again. I am built in a way that tries to be as soft and as soothing as possible to the people I love. I am built in a way that kept my feelings hidden until the very last moment. I am experienced enough with language and slang to avoid triggering the wrong radars. And I am more careful about what I give out and what I keep in. It would've been ideal if it had happened at an earlier point in my life of course, but it's better that I got here than never at all. As vain as it is, I feel the beauty of my avatar. I can vocalize so well as a cat. And I keep evolving. The purrs just recently. And besides that I actually am more emotionally and intellectually mature.

The love I get from Choskey is so pure, inexperienced but true. And he just can't go two minutes without telling me he loves me again. And I am so happy. The feels are incredibly warm and welcoming. I wish all this had happened earlier in my life so I could've spent those days being happy instead of miserable and desperate. Secure instead of constantly being unsettled by attempts to unhinge me and make me doubt myself. The entire foundation of my existence feels set in stone instead of rickety. I feel that my words carry so much more weight now that I'm not on a lone quest for something outside my relationship. Being alone is what lets people get away with pretending every story you ever tell is fake. Facing cyber bullying alone without my dragon is how people were able to turn me into whatever villain they wanted. I had options, and while such needs are unlikely to happen again, if it ever came down to it I would know what to do.

I am the living antibody to my entire ordeal from every angle.

I also understand my tendencies when it comes to music and feel good animated scenes. When you experience something you really like, a beat, a riff, a melody, some nice singing, a good intro, etc. You want to feel that music in what you do too. You want to embody that music and express what you experienced in some way. For me that was in the form of creative ranting. Feeling a character forming somewhere behind the constant swapping I was doing in my head. Through music I was finding a voice. Because my old one was dull. The name Brian is very dull and boring. And I didn't want to be just Brian. I wanted to be Kyrodo. I wanted to be better than I actually am. Better than human. In a sense it's the same reasons people become furries or anime geeks with sonas. People want to be more than they actually are. To make cracks in the ground, perform action feets they wouldn't dream of doing in real life, do magic, whatever. People want to be lost in their imagination. And the more miserable they are the more they want that escape. Even if it means falling in love even over something as simple as, because they started sharing memes with me.

To dress up for halloween essentially but have that be an entire way of life instead. Like how I am always in whuffy form at home when I'm with Red instead of being just human brian doing all the formal fronting I do at a restaurant or at work. But imagination needs to be capped within reasonable limits, and one should always be aware what they're doing no matter how immersed they want to be in that imagination. No matter how silly or extra you act online nothing really changes who you really are in real life or otherwise. Until you've spent a good deal of time with a sona it is not ingrained as part of your very being. It is just a temporary fad at best. But such headspaces do play a major role in how you behave, no matter how stifled it is in practice. It dictates how situations make you feel and what choices are choices that sona would make become a preference.

And as you slowly bring that imagination back down out of necessity like I did, you eventually adopt what parts of it actually define you and you discard everything else. Trauma changes the way you're shaped. The way you respond to things. The way you approach things. The things you are most cautious of. Because you recognized a pain or fear as being particularly unpleasant, as being something you wish to avoid, and you change to protect yourself against it. And as one where a surreal version of myself is always existing in some form in my head, that headspace completely changed too. Less edges, more serious, more meaningful, more ordered, and less chaotic. More calm and immune to a lot of the things that used to bother me. Instead of being a mish mash of different characters I am just one. Both the real and the sona side of me grew to be something far stronger and far more graceful than my old self.

Being rejected isn't fun but it happens and it's better to respect it than to persist or keep coming back like I did. Words like "that won't be possible" still stick in my mind and they still hurt. I felt so much and it took way too long for me to finally have those feelings dismantled, even though I was actively being attacked and harassed by the very person I liked. But I did it. I remember every little thing I did that might've made me unacceptable. And I try with all my might to make sure all of that remains buried. If I am ever to be called a predator again, it'll be because of a kink than for any other reason.

In the land of today, poly is possible. Love is possible. I can feel and feel and feel and be extremely happy, and feel all of that welcomed and returned a thousand fold. Things are a lot less complicated.

I still experience my share of people acting like there's a problem when there's not. But it is much easier to tell when Choskey is joking about something and when he's not. And there's never any malice behind it. It is a whole world away from whatever we'd call my previous excuse for romance. Though I still wonder how people like you can just behave like that, know that all of it is bad shit, and not do anything about it.

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thechekhov · 4 years ago

Photo

Alright, alright, I caved.

After a slot opened up in me to be able to take on another show emotionally, I decided to invest in OwlHouse. I thought I would probably like it, but it won me over faster than I thought it would.

I’ve already watched a few episodes, but I realized that it might be more fun to do liveblogs, so here I am - with a liveblog...

I will be doing this episode by episode, and probably releasing them every once in a while. Everything will be under a cut, however, to save you all dash space.

If you’d like to follow, please track the #chekhov watches owlhouse tag!

(I’d also like to dedicate this post to the Tumblr Staff Rob, who did his best to restore this post for me when tumblr queue ate it.)

Without further ado...

Episode 1!!

Fair warning - this is technically not a ‘live’ blog, because I have already watched some of the show before deciding to do this, but I’ll still react to them to round things out.

Immediately, this reminds me of Little Witch Academia... Anyone? No? Only me? I feel like maybe I’m getting my wires crossed, but there HAD to have been some inspiration taken from there?

“No-- my only weakness! Dying!!“

Same, big snake monster. Same.

Oh, backup snakes? This girl is READY.

Please don’t mistreat the snakes.

Spider breath... This kid is on my wavelength. That griffin seems to be waiting to be put out of its misery though, and I don’t blame it.

My child... where did you get that pigeon head though.....

Nurse mother, do you REALLY think signing up your spider-summoning daughter for summer camp will actively make her antics slow down instead of ramp up to 60?

Awww, baby makes AMVs... But also, NO ONE TOLD YOU TO THROW AWAY THE BOOK??? I know it’s symbolic, but goodness, isn’t that a bit much???

wait a sec, is that Eda????

Love the realistic bilingual kid experience of replying in English when your mom talks to you in your native language. Universal.

Love this introduction of Eda’s character. She’s got that little green scarf on and everything. Like a tiny trash grandma.

Oooh, okay, let’s extrapolate...

Lots of bones everywhere. I kinda love the aesthetic here - it’s gross and visceral, kind of like what Luz was making with her school projects. Yet in the middle of it all we have a rather clear gothic looking structure. Is this a power imbalance in the supposed kingdom?

The five circles of stained glass seem to perhaps indicate something like Hogwarts houses? Several different types of magic?

But Luz has no reason to freak out as much as she is - she LOVES weird stuff! Haha... No, I kid, I kid. I get it.

“Am I in the bad place?“

Eyyyyy, gotta love shows referencing other shows. :)

“Oh dear child... I’m not like you.”

Wow, what a DRAMATIC reveal for some pointy ears. :) I love her.

We should all aspire to have such cool and stylistically well put together wanted posters. You can tell the commissioned artist really respects her craft.

Steven Universe fans watching this:

I’m looking too.

Okay, okay, enough shenanigans, let’s have some LORE.

I love this landscape. Teeth or bones, or whatever they are, this is one of the more unique settings we’ve gotten, though maybe I’m prejudiced because I love body horror and bones. The darker orange and red themes fit really well here.

Things I’m desperate for: Giraffe Lore

Things I’m more desperate for: Eda lore. Why do her limbs fall off? Is she a zombie?

Things I’m not quite as desperate for: Hooty lore. He can keep that to himself.

well hello there mysterious chekhov’s glyph which will DEFINITELY not be relevant in the second chapter (or end of season? Maybe? Idk it just seems important).

Ah, yes. That would have been my reaction as well, to be fair. Somehow I didn’t expect to see this guy so early on. I figured he would be a low stress early villain that got assimilated into the Found Family. Kinda psyched that he’s just there from the start.

....I’m just gonna presume this is all true and accept it at face value.

Old Escape The Cops Lady and Tiny Little Demon King, I need your backstory. How did you meet.

I love looking at background details, because like... you can tell the BG artists had fun. I particularly love how the 3 eyed toad doesn’t actually have any reward attached to her. Though the Knife Baby does intrigue me!

“I write fanfics of food falling in love.”

Why am I being called out...

“Noo! My weak nerd arms!”

Finally, a realistic portrayal of a protagonist thrust into a fantasy setting!

.....................

Okay but. If only humans could pass through the barrier... wouldn’t that mean a human had to have deposited those things in there? Do they have a human on staff in this weird pseudo-prison??? Suspicious....

Confession - when I initially saw ads for this show, I expected Eda to be a villain, not a loveable middle aged witch aunt figure. I am shockingly even MORE drawn to her this way. I expected betrayal. I expected her to be a lowkey threat?? But no. She’s just wholesome in the way a solid raccoon is.

“Eda, are you okay?!”

“Yeah, this just happens when you get older...”

“........does it..?”

If I had to pinpoint the exact moment this show won me over...... it would probably be this one.

I know it’s probably the wrong thing to focus on, but what is that insignia? Wings??? Like.... the kind OWLS HAVE?????

COINCIDENCE??? I THINK NOT!!!

I’m really loving the landscape here. And those fireworks are... hmm... intricate?

Gotta love the old tried and true Witch Apprentice Actually A Live In Intern trope. :)

Hold up...

Is that

Is that Hooty? I thought he was just a door....

Eda: This is my room for human stuff. I will also put my human in there.

. . .

Overall rating: I think this is a cute overall beginning. The prison break went hard! I enjoyed the characters and it kind of surprised me in a lot of ways. It definitely does a great job setting up a world with a lot more to explore while giving us a small taste of cool magic stuff and witchy battles. :)

Now on to Episode 2!!

Read the liveblogs in order by clicking here!

#the owl house #owl house liveblog #chekhov watches owlhouse

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ukaiknowsbest · 3 years ago

Text

Review: Tamayomi

[will contain spoilers]

Lately I have been pretty bored with the recent developments in Daiya no A and Oofuri. New Shonen anime stuff just don't appeal to me, so I bit the bullet and watched Tamayomi for at least one episode a day.

Like me, people would normally think "HOW TF ARE THEY GOING TO PLAY BASEBALL? AREN'T THEY WEARING SHORTS??? IS THIS JUST FANSERVICE?? OMYGOD"

But I did it. I watched the whole thing. 12 episodes.

And I enjoyed it.

THE SETUP/PLOT

pretty standard fare

Pitcher Yomi Takeda accidentally reunites with her childhood friend who's actually a nationals-level in middle school catcher when they both end up in the same highschool.

School: former powerhouse located in Saitama, now baseball club is almost non-existent. Yomi and a few other will try to revive the team from scratch.

Basically Shin Koshigaya is a brand new team where they struggle to look for new members and majority are first years.

They have to face other stronger teams even when they have a few members and some decent players.

Demographic is SEINEN (like oofuri, last inning, one outs, etc.)

CHARACTERS

Yomi Takeda as Main character and pitcher- skilled, resilient, funny, hardworking, does a lot of research which enabled her to perfect her form and hone her breaking ball. She keeps improving in a good pace too.

Tamaki Yamazaki former childhood friend of Yomi. Is a decent catcher in middle school. A bit well known. Good communicator.

Yoshino - team manager and coach. srsly she is a boss. She's not infallible but she tries her best.

and other decent players with adequate skill

For a sports anime they have decent cast. This is probably the closest we can currently get of a story where the girls are just focused on the sport, do their own strategizing/planning/training. All of them are cute but also serious about what they do.

There's no boys here so there's no talk about het-crushes and other distractions. It's a clamfest babyyyy.

I've seen a little of Major 2 (the one abt the son and his coed team) and I couldn't stand it because it was just slice of life in sportsy undertones.

There is also decent communication among all the players. It's pretty refreshing to watch. The catcher is well rounded and the pitcher is good. Everyone talk things out and there is not a lot of drama.

FANSERVICE

Wearing shorts to a sport that involves a lot of making contact with the ground is just illogical lmao.

Their school uniform skirt is pretty short

A little bit of their manager prodding the thighs of each person she meets but with good reason (she can tell how much muscle/exercise a person does just by a little prodding). It's a trope thing.

That's all. There are no panty shots, unnecessary locker room nudity, boob action, see through sweaty shirts. Most of the cringy things I've seen in other girls sports anime aren't present.

Eventually I even forget that they're wearing shorts or that it impedes their performance. It seems like it doesn't matter much to the characters so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don't know if like the hugging or holding hands is considered fanservice. In my experiece we ladies just act like that irl. What they do is nothing out of the ordinary.

REALISM

3/5. They wear shorts and dont tie their hair up. The baseball part seem pretty decent though. The pacing of the story and matches was like watching IRL Koshien. It's all very clinical and straightforward.

Plus they include a lot of interesting baseball stuff which I haven't seen happen in early stages of other shonen anime like: specifically training the pitcher in other positions, showing what fielders yell to each other, letting other relievers start to reserve their ace (ppl can yell DnA did this but remember Tanba was injury boy throughout Act 1).

COMPARISON TO OTHER BASEBALL MANGA

based on technicality Tamayomi is prolly one of the top among baseball anime/manga I have seen.

Last Inning

Oofuri

Tamayomi

Daiya no A

Now don't chase me with pitchforks because of this ranking just yet. The fact that Shin Koshigaya coach's decisions and reasonings for plays and lineups are discussed makes the show at par with Last Inning and Oofuri. (we dont see DnA kataoka talk abt this sht like..ever)

Moreover Tamayomi has similar vibes to Oofuri/Big Windup but less dramatic. I do not think it's good for beginners too (especially with just 12 episodes). You need to have prior baseball knowledge to understand what the characters were doing.

However, this show is probably the most no-fuss baseball anime/manga I have watched. It does not rely on hype like DnA and it also don't have heavy topics like Oofuri and Last Inning. It's not wacky like One Outs and it's not uber slice of life like Cross Game. It's just baseball.

My minor complaint is that they don't give numbers when talking about things like pitching speed tho. It would've been more realistic if actual numbers were dropped XD

ART/ DESIGN/ANIMATION

A.k.a the thing most viewers complain about.

Character design is subpar. Everyone's faces are almost the same. You can tell who's the character not by face but by hair and height. Personally I don't mind this. I don't really look for realism in most things I watch. And I think the hair designs are cool.

Lots of people drop this show because of bad animation. There are shots/scenes where it's like I'm watching fanmade AMV's in nicovideo/youtube from the early 2000's. Pitching motions and Batting motions look like character movements in rpg games.

It's not really a problem for me though. I think it's charming for some reason. I don't mind it. A lot of people do but I'm not them.

CONCLUSION

NGL I wanted more. 12 episodes is too short. I hope a better animation company picks this up. I'm rewatching the whole thing because I enjoyed it a lot. I'll even check out the manga if I have time.

If anyone's interested here's my tamayomi livetweet thread

This is one of the closest thing I could get to what a decent girl sports anime looks like. If the character designs, art, animation and the uniforms were just better this show would have gone pretty far.

Compared to Shonen types of manga this was relaxing to watch, especially before bed. I'd honestly recommend it you wanna watch smth that doesnt involve a lot of feelings and drama but still feel like watching an actual sport.

Girls are fun. Finally.

[personal notes under the cut]

I get that people reading this would think I'm being too optimistic about a show they considered shtty but I kid you not, I dropped Bakuten (boys gymnastic's anime) coz even with it's wonderful animation i thought it was boring af.

I have dropped so many prettily animated shows coz i just cant get into the characters nor the story.

I've also said before in my Two Car review that I am actively avoiding shows with popular VA's. Idk much abt female VA's in anime, therefore watching Tamayomi was the perfect solution for me.

The reason I like tamayomi so much is that it gave me the same feeling of watching Summer Koshien 2021. I just think an anime that made me remember that kind of feeling was cool.

I'll rewatch hanebado next. wish me luck.

#tamayomi #sports anime #baseball anime #girls sports anime #this is prolly the only positive review abt this anime

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colorisbyshe · 3 years ago

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Not same anon, but I loooooove Buck Tick! You have a nice taste in music. I mean it in the best way possible, btw, but do you have not-pop recs? I'm trying to listen to less kpop/jpop and western pop these days, want to expand my taste to other genres. Thanks :)

I will say, I am... the least genre savvy person in the world, so some of the my recs might be like... pop adjacent but just not mainstream (to western listeners, I guess). I'll stick with JROCK (even tho most of it that I listen isn't terribly similar to Buck Tick, they are a genre onto themselves) and then list of anything similar in other language:

"Fuyunohanashi" from Given, much brighter sound than a lot of Buck Tick but I really love the guitar

"Avante" by Eve. I just really love his voice?? A lot. I really recommend exploring the entire album this song came from, it feels a bit more experimental, mixing rocky vibes with a sort of auto-tuny vocal? Kaikai Kitan is more popular than Avante since it's from JJK and I do love it but Avante feels more Buck Tick relevant

Mabel by Balloon (But I think.. this was originally a vocaloid song but like... the version I listen to is not a vocaloid singing. Definitely not Buck Tick-y but still... addictive. I first heard it to a sasunaru amv lmao

Also vocaloid meets JRock: love stuck by Deco*27 but with the Marina voice: Mozaik Role is a vibrant song with great riffs, Aimai Elegy makes you wanna quickl ybop your head

Just... so many King Gnu Song. Prayer X is a bit more haunting but I love Hikoutei, Sanmon Shosetsu, and Hakujitsu a looot

Survive said the Prophet has harder rock vibes: Found & Lost is great (we will not acknowledge what anime it was for), Red is also from the same anime I think but it's GOOD

Fire Cracker By Ellegarden has suuuch good guitar. It's all in English an d the lyrics are so good.

Nami no Yukusaki by The Ricecookers has a very chill, nostalgic vibe. Like mid 2000s vibe?

If you've never listened to Babymetal, my favorite song by them is Headbanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!. High energy but sugary sweet with a hard edge. Rock candy.

Not at all rock genre even though itunes is telling me it is, Life will Change by Lyn is ALSO not pop so... I'll put it here. Has nothing to do with the Buck Tick sound tho, so this is VERY off base but... it's in my Japanese playlist and I love it so (and if you DO like tht sound, "Shadow and Truth" by One III Notes is also a fucking banger, though has more... rap isn't the right word but well listen and you'll see)

Again, this sound I can't even pRETEND is similar to Buck Tick but Renegade by Stereo Dive Foundation is sooo fun. More electro/dancy

Just One life by Spyairs is incredible also watch Samurai Flamenco its the OP

Kakusei by Superfly FUCKS. Do not know waht genre it is but GODDDDDDDDDD singing along feels incredible

Anarchy by Official Hige Dandism is probably the poppiest song here

And wow that's the end of my japanese playlist with all of the pop/electro stuff dropped. And really nothing outside of Buck Tick is that buck ticky?

THe dark, alluring vibe also isnt really replicated in a lot of the English music I listen to.

Like nothing ha sthe "Oh this goth FUCKS" vibes

well now I want buck tick-adjacent recs because i feel ike i've let you AND myself down

#all i can think of is a perfect circle #but apc dont fuck #deleting one rec cause i know the singer is gonna be outed as a weirdo the vibes are bad

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lethal-liability · 3 years ago

Text

Ari's ranking of Imagine Dragon's discography

Here's something literally no one asked for! Anyway rankings are out of 10 and I'll have album stats at the end. Also any songs in the EPs that would later appear on Night Visions are just going under the album. I know that'll screw with their averages but I don't really care.

Imagine Dragons (2009) average rating: 7.2

I Need A Minute: 6/10 A nice fun song I used to like dancing around my room to. The lyrics are completely incomprehensible but I guess that's the point, I like it. The vocals are just a little bit too low

Uptight: 7/10 Funky beat, I really like the synth. I didn't listen to this one much as a kid but I really missed out this song kinda fucks.

Cover Up: 7/10 Some more funky bass and synth, getting into some of the more poetic lyrics that I like from them. Pretty solid.

Curse: 9/10 This 👏 was 👏 my 👏 favorite 👏 song 👏 back 👏 in 👏 the 👏 day 👏 Here's where my bias comes in cause this one gets an extra point purely for that. The lyrics don't really make sense but I would lay up at night coming up with complex amvs in my head to go along with it :) Still holds up to 11 y/o Ari's love.

Drive: 7/10 Again, another one I never really listened to as a kid. It's a pretty good, relaxing song, really different from the rest of the upbeat songs on the EP.

Hell and Silence (2010) average rating: 6.75

All Eyes: 6/10 Another funky song, nothing really special but pretty solid

I Don't Mind: 4/10 Honestly not a fan of this one, the synth is kinda annoying and the lyrics are kinda irritating

Selene: 8/10 Idk what to say I just like this song :)

Emma: 9/10 Honestly pretty much the same as Selene but with a chiller vibe, I like the raspier vocals. Extra points for that nearly yelled bridge HELL AND SILENCE I CAN FIGHT IT

It's Time (2011) average rating: 4.2

Tokyo: 3/10 Look I'm a sucker for funky synth OKAY. I don't speak Japanese but I don't have to to tell you Dan's pronunciation is really cringy. Deducting points for the kinda fetishy lyrics too.

The River: 8/10 This is one of those songs I like to listen to when I'm sad to make myself sadder so I can cry my feelings out. It's got a pretty, soothing melody and nice lyrics.

Leave Me: 2/10 This song used to make the feminism leave my body as a kid but I just can't bring myself to really do that anymore lmao. Come on Dan, that's two kinda gross songs on one album :/

Pantomime: 2/10 I. Really did not like this song as a kid. Like I had a playlist on youtube of all their music except this song. I was right.

Look How Far We've Come: 6/10 Hearing this song for the first time in like nine years was an experience. Not a bad song but dome of the lines are a little clunky.

Night Visions (2012) average rating: 7.33

Radioactive: 9/10 Ya know this is the song that got them famous and for good reason. It's a good song and great amv fodder.

Tiptoe: 8/10 It's gonna be harder to write about these songs going forward because these are ones I listen to regularly so I know I like them but yeah. Good song.

It's Time: 10/10 Radioactive may have been what got them famous but this was their first real big single and it was my favorite. I'm a big sucker for a mandolin and I think this is where they started to lean more into the folky sound than the synthy sound.

Demons: 9/10 Another one of their songs I used to listen to to cry and I don't listen to it much anymore because of that but it's still a good, poetic song that hits me in the feels.

On Top Of The World: 6/10 My mom had this as her alarm when I was in middle school so I couldn't listen to it for a long time. The lyrics are a little heavy handed sometimes and a little incomprehensible at others but it's an alright little tune.

Hear Me: 8/10 This album is a little confusing because they include some of their older synth heavy songs alongside their newer folky songs, but I won't complain with this song. Frustrated 13 year old me loved this song because I, too, felt that no one ever heard me when I talked. Ya know, 13 y/o things.

Amsterdam: 7/10 I have no idea what this song is about but it's pretty good.

Every Night: 5/10 This was their first and last try at what I call a "first dance bait" song. Ya know like Perfect by Ed Sheeren or Marry Me by Train? It's alright, just really heavy handed.

Bleeding Out: 10/10 Oh emo eleven year old me ate this edgy shit up. Is it a grimdark? Yes. But that's a plus for this song. This song makes me wanna scream every time I listen to it I BARE MY SKIN AND I COUNT MY SINS AND I CLOSE MY EYES AND I TAKE IT IN

Underdog: 6/10 Another cute song, not much to say about this one, it's alright.

Nothing Left To Say: 9/10 ANOTHER another song I cry to, this one still hits home for me. It's pretty and soothing but the lyrics are still heart wrenching. The instrumental at the end is nice and I like to fall asleep to it.

Rocks: 8/10 A nice upbeat song that is a little repetative but it's only about a minute long so it doesn't over stay its welcome.

Working Man: 5/10 This song isn't on spotify so I don't get to hear it often and I actually hadn't heard it in a while when I listened to it to do this. It's kinda trying to be a 9 to 5 type song but it doesn't really do it for me.

Fallen: 8/10 Another song I hadn't heard in a while since it's not on spotify but I'm more of a fan of this one. Another amv bait song to me but one with more of a triumphant vibe to it. I really like the vocals in the chorus.

Cha-Ching ('Til We Grow Older): 8/10 The hook of this song, cha-ching x3, has a big potential to become really annoying like some of their later songs (cough cough, Thunder) but they actually somhow make it work. This song hits me a lot harder now than it did as a kid cause god. Yeah. They're so right. We are all living until we grow older.

Smoke + Mirrors (2015) average rating: 9.06

Shots: 9/10 Hell YES my favorite album finally let's get into this shit. Anyway songs that make me wanna lay in a field of wildflowers. Well the music, the lyrics are pretty depressing. But that's what makes a great song ya know.

Gold: 9/10 Songs about the rich losing their humanity? Hell yeah. I fucking love the percussion and the synth in this one too.

Smoke and Mirrors: 10/10 The under appreciated masterpiece of this album in my humble opinion. Everyone always talks about Dream as the best song on the album but I really think it's this one. That yelled OPEN UP MY EYES gets me all the time I just really really love this song.

I'm So Sorry: 9/10 Real sexy bassline on this one. I can't tell what the fuck this song is about but I don't care because it goes pretty hard.

I Bet My Life: 8/10 I like the gospel vibes, especially the backing vocals, some of them out-sing Dan a little bit. This one also hits a little harder now that I'm grown up a bit.

Polaroid: 8/10 Another one with cool percussion, some of the lyrics are lost on me but I get the overall vibe of it.

Friction: 10/10 I have no clue what that string is at the beginning of the song but man does it fuck hard. God actually everything in this song goes pretty hard, I'm especially a fan of the vocals.

It Comes Back To You: 8/10 Nice chill song, I feel like this is one that's gonna hit in a few years. Not much to say about it tbh besides I like it.

Dream: 10/10 This song really does live up to the hype even if I like other songs better. It's really poetic and well composed. You really just have to listen to it to get it tbh.

Trouble: 8/10 The piano at the beginning is a little grating but it gets better. Again not much to say about this one, it's solid, just not one of my favorites.

Summer: 8/10 Another sexy baseline, another set of incomprehensible lyrics. I like it.

Hopeless Opus: 10/10 This one's a little weird but it was my favorite for a while. I like weird. Idk if anyone would agree with me but this one was kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, this really was a hopeless opus since, in my opinion, they've yet to make album as good as this one. Also. Guitar solo.

The Fall: 10/10 I like to put this song on when we get the first cold snap of the year after summer :) It's just really chill and I like the vibes and the vocals

Thief: 10/10 AAAAHHHHHH SONGS THAT MAKE ME WANNA RUN THROUGH THE WOODS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

The Unknown: 9/10 Cool percussion, I like the intermediate piano, it's a nice touch.

Second Chances: 9/10 I like the strings and the vocals. Another nice chill song.

Release: 9/10 I like that this one is completely acoustic, it's a nice send off for a great album, if a little depressing.

Evolve (2017) average rating: 5.5

I Don't Know Why: 10/10 I have wanted to choreograph something to this song for the fucking longest time oh my god. I really love the vocals and the synth in this one.

Whatever It Takes: 5/10 This one's alright. It's not great but it's definitely not the worst. Perfectly average pop song.

Believer: 10/10 I am a little bit biased with this one because I use it for my OCs a lot but like. It's a really good song. And I don't watch TV so I haven't gotten it ruined for me by commercials.

Walking The Wire: 6/10 I hadn't listened to this song in a while and it's really not as bad as I remember. I guess you can really tell that he was having marital issues when they made this album and that didn't really connect with me back then. But I'm kinda into a little bit of it now.

Rise Up: 4/10 Another really average, inspirational pop song. I like the raspiness of Dan's voice in most songs but it sounds so over processed in this song I can't stand it.

I'll Make It Up To You: 3/10 Wow okay never mind the marital issues vibe is coming back real heavily in this one. Idk it's just such Straight People vibes, I don't like it :/

Yesterday: 1/10 I associate this song with someone I don't talk to anymore and really wanna forget so it's kinda running at a deficit already. But. Um. It's not a good song otherwise. It's another weird song but something about this one just doesn't work.

Mouth Of The River: 7/10 I think I liked this one when it came out, idk why I stopped listening to it. It's pretty good. Not great. But I like the river imagery. Well. I like river imagery in general.

Thunder: 2/10 hhhhhhhhhhhh why did they think this was a good idea. Probably their most notorious song, I know a lot of people cite it when they say Imagine Dragons makes shitty music. I just think it's tragic that this is one of the ones that got super popular for some reason. However as someone who teaches children's dance classes, however annoying you think this version is, you haven't heard anything until you have to listen to the KidzBop version twice a week for a year. Not a complete 0 because I do like some of the vocals that aren't. That Part.

Start Over: 6/10 Another one I hadn't heard in a while, but it's pretty groovy. Not as heavy handed as some of the other songs, and that flute in the chorus is pretty cool.

Dancing In The Dark: 8/10 I like this one a lot, the processing on the vocals is a little wonky but I like the vibes.

Next To Me: 4/10 Yeah this was the "please don't divorce me" song. It's. alright. Really heavy handed, they probably should've waited to release this one but you know.

Origins (2018) average rating: 4.8

Natural: 10/10 Another one I'm biased for because I associate it with a beloved OC. But It's still a good song. I like it.

Boomerang: 5/10 Another song that just has an awkward hook with awkward delivery.

Machine: 9/10 I like this song a lot more now that I know the band is really outspoken about their experiences with mormanism and escaping it. But the irony of a song with a nonconformist message from a pop band is not lost on me.

Cool Out: 5/10 Idk I don't have much to say about this one. It's alright.

Bad Liar: 4/10 Oh boy more divorced dad energy. Hhhhhh I'm getting burnt out on this. For the record I have no problem with people going through things like this, I'm just not into these vibes in my music, especially when they're super desperate like this.

West Coast: 3/10 East coast supremacy. Also why are you trying to be Mumford and Sons.

Zero: 4/10 You know, the Ralph Breaks the internet song? God. That sure was a movie. The song is better, but not by much. It is fun and bouncy but I don't like listening to it too often.

Bullet In A Gun: 5/10 I used to really like this song but now I just associate it with an embarrassing character I used to stan so :/ I do still like the lyrics even if I don't listen to it anymore.

Digital: 3/10 I can't tell if this song is pro or anti technology??? And the electronic melody is annoying.

Only: 4/10 Hhhhhh I'm so tired. I don't like this one.

Stuck: 2/10 idk man. bad.

Love: 3/10 Really trying hard to be the Beatles here. :/ That's really not a compliment.

Birds: 5/10 This one's kinda nice, a little more original but like. I'm so burned out on this theme. hhhhhhhh

Burn Out: 10/10 Speaking of burn out. lmao, no I actually really like this one. I just recently listened to it kinda intently for the first time and I just. Wow. The second verse really gets to me. I feel like this song has a lot of the poeticness I liked from Smoke + Mirrors.

Real Life: 0/10 Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh obligatory "PHONES BAD" song from the folk pop band. At least when Bastille does it they don't literally say "turn your phone off!" in the song. I'm so tired. I'm gonna take a nap before I listen to the next album.

Mercury - Act 1 (2021) average rating: 7.46

Okay I'm still tired but let's do this. Also I've only heard this album like three times so far so this ranking is most definitely gonna change as I listen to it more.

My Life: 9/10 Holy shit this song is fucking heart wrenching and I first listened to it at like just the perfect time for me to ball like a baby listening to it. Literally my only gripe is I wish the tempo would've picked up a little bit earlier.

Lonely: 9/10 This song is equally fucking depressing but it's upbeat and I eat that shit up. The vocals are a little weird sometimes but I really like the pre-chorus a lot.

Wrecked: 8/10 Okay so this album is just gonna be gut punch after gut punch huh? Look, I was really going through some shit when they dropped this album so I like really connected with a lot of it. But yeah I like this song.

Monday: 4/10 Alright. Not a fan of this one. The metaphor is kinda cute I guess, even if it implies that like literally everyone else things your sweetheart is fucking insufferable. Actually. Who tf thinks monday is the best day of the week? Like what kind of person? But, uh, musically, it's kinda annoying.

#1: 7/10 Self-care babie!!!!!!! Okay but this is a nice song. Yes we all need to learn self love it's a fucking journey babe.

Easy Come Easy Go: 9/10 I really like this one, it might be my favorite on the album. My only gripe is the bridge/3rd verse/whatever it's called is a little bit clunky

Giants: 8/10 god DAMN those vocals. This is another kinda weird song but I'm into this one like I am with Hopeless Opus.

It's Okay: 7/10 Honestly I'm kinda tired of hearing "it's okay to be not okay" Like yeah I've been depressed for most of my life now I think I got that at this point. But I am a fan of "I don't want this body, I don't want this voice, I don't wanna be here but I guess I have no choice." Like damn even my gender crisis? Y'all are really just hitting all my nails from the past year right on the head huh?

Dull Knives: 9/10 OKAY ROCK RIFF I HEAR YOU, I just wish it would've lasted through the song instead of going slow again during the second chorus. But yeah, songs that make me wanna scream in the woods in the middle of the night.

Follow You: 8/10 ME AND WHO???????

Cutthroat: 9/10 HELLO AMV BAIT I MISSED YOU I wish it was longer. Also, love Dan's screamo debut I wish he'd just fucking scream his throat raw more often.

No Time For Toxic People: 4/10 okay I think we've established that I'm not a fan of completely unsubtle songs so I don't think it should be a shock that I'm not a fan of this one. The music doesn't really save it either.

One Day: 6/10 M E A N D W H O ? ? ? Not as much of a fan of this one as Follow You though.

Additional Singles but only one's I've already heard because fuck you there are so many of these

Battle Cry: 6/10 I thought this one was from some soundtrack but idk. A transformers movie I think? I can't find anything on it. Anyway, okay song. I like the line stars are only visible in darkness. The rest of the song is kinda repetitive

Born To Be Yours: 8/10 I like this song a lot. I have no idea who Kygo is but I'm a fan of this beat. For the record, this is more something I would use for my first dance.

Destination: 6/10 Another song I haven't hear in a while. I enjoy the vocals from the other band members. But it is an itunes sessions song so it's a little messy, probably could have been better if they'd recorded it as a regular song.

I Was Me: 7/10 A nice sad acoustic song, not much to say, I like it

Levitate: 6/10 This one is from that Jennifer Lawrence Crisp Rat movie no one saw. It's okay. I like the sci-fi vibes.

Lost Cause: 4/10 This one is from the Frankenweenie soundtrack of all things. This is another grimdark edgy song, but it just doesn't have the staying power to me that Bleeding Out did.

Monster: 8/10 This song was my fucking jam as a kid and was the song that got me into Nightcore in middle school so you know it's important to me. Still a big fan of it.

Not Today: 7/10 I actually saw the movie this was from, Me Before You. I would say this is another first dance bait song but I think they were just trying to match the vibes of the movie. The song is better than the movie though. In case you were wondering.

Ready! Aim! Fire!: 7/10 continuing the trend of songs from soundtracks, apparently this song is from Iron Man 3? Seems kinda weird to put a song about rebellion and revolution in a movie about a billionaire 🤔🤔🤔. Anyway it has a more electronic, industrial sound than most of their stuff which i appreciate. Still have to deduct points for being from a marvel movie though oops.

Roots: 10/10 Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh I love this song. Another another biased one because I associate it with one of my OCs but like. It's a good song.

Sucker For Pain: 5/10 Ya know that song from the Suicide Squad soundtrack? The masochist anthem? It's alright, I mean Dan's part is probably the best, the rap is okay I guess, I'm not a huge rap fan so I don't really know what constitutes a good rap. I guess the appeal of this song was all the big names but it just gets tiresome that there's a new voice every 30 seconds. Really gimmicky but Lil Wayne's part is kinda funny so I'll give it that.

Warriors: 8/10 More amv bait, another one I could've sworn this was from some soundtrack but I can't find anything on it. Pretty solid song.

Who We Are: 6/10 This sing is from one of the Hunger Games Movies, I can't remember which one though. Anyway it's fucking incomprehensible but I like it.

Conclusion

Okay so in order from Highest to Lowest ranked the albums and EPs are

Smoke + Mirrors: 9.06

Mercury - Act 1: 7.46

Night Visions: 7.33

Self Titled: 7.2

Hell and Silence: 6.75

Evolve: 5.5

Origins: 4.8

It's Time: 4.2

See and this is completly objective because if you had asked me to rank my favorite albums I would've put Night Visions above Mercury 😠 I did have a good time going back and listening to a lot of old songs I hadn't heard in forever

anyway I'm tired and this post no one asked for is over 3k words so I am going to bed good fucking night

#long post #even with the read more hhhhhh #oh well #anyway #enjoy the most basic band that I like lmao #imagine dragons #ari screams into the void

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winepresswrath · 4 years ago

Note

If you’re still collecting songs for the disaster brothers then can I offer Brother by Sam Tinnesz as a JC POV song?

I have been working on this post for a couple of days now and I keep on having to stop to either

1) accomplish things or

2) lie on the floor a little because of the playlist you crowdsourced into my inbox.

Anyway!

How long will you run? You're not what you've become Walking up there on a wire so high You know there's only one way down I can't save you now

for when you’re mourning a person who is technically still right in front of you. nice. I also love the idea of the mob as a dog Jiang Cheng thinks Wei Wuxian can’t help but feed!

Songs that jiang cheng should sing (but like, kinda passive-aggresively) @wei wuxian: 1. Someone like you by Adele, 2. Somebody that I used to know by Gotye

I feel you on the Adele but I feel like Jiang Cheng is ironically almost too dramatic for Gotye? I have a hard time picturing him being sullenly all “you didn’t have to send your friends to collect your magic flute” when he’s carrying the magic flute in his robes at this very moment, biding his time. It’s almost too well adjusted in its fuckboyery. On the other hand,

I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you

but mean and sarcastic is just canonically what happens at the beginning of the ancestral shrine scene .

for yunmeng songs can i suggest seven devils by florence + the machine for jc's fury towards wwx when he was so determined to stamp out every last shred of him even after his 'death'. It also includes fun lyrics such as

"See, I was dead when I woke up this morning

I'll be dead before the day is done"

that really encompasses how his grief and rage swallowed him up

Nice, anon. I also really like

And now all your love will be exorcised And we will find you saying it's to be better now

for the contrast between Jiang Cheng conceptualizing love as an evil that needs to be ripped out of him and the nod to Wei Wuxian, champion of letting it go and leaving the past in the past.

another yunmeng bros song, smile by mikky ekko perhaps?

And time will eventually knock on my door And tell me I'm not needed around anymore

I hate it here. I think this actually works really well as a Wei Wuxian song more generally, but that line is perfect for both of them.

We'll be lucky if we ever see the sun/Got nowhere to turn, and we've got nothing but time

gives me serious burial mounds vibes, and you can’t get more Wei Wuxian than smiling about how “the future is forgiven (the worst is yet to come)”

personally, my twin prides song is "weighted" by frank iero and the patience: "i only want the truth/that's one thing you can't do"

Let's hate what our love makes us do

If I try I may have to try my entire life and that just doesn’t feel right

Some quality Yunmeng Bros content here. This is an excellent song to throw up your hands and admit that your relationship with your brother is a disaster you need to develop a sense of humour about to.

Yunmeng bros music - 'Forever' by CVRCHES

And I will always think I'm right But I always regret the night I told you I would hate you 'til forever

Undeniable! Maybe I am just too much for you. One of the sadder entries in a really sad list, but I think it does a good job evoking the way their relationship can make them both feel trapped and exhausted and disempowered to do anything about that.

stonerxichen said:

Waste by Oh Wonder for the yunmeng bros. I watched an amv with this song and I've never recovered

oh god, I know the vid you’re talking about and I share the sentiment. Also just one of my favourite songs on this list.

There's a space in between Like a grey evergreen Where the hurt never mend

Knives out from the start, and that follow up- the waste inherent in knowing the exact edges of someone and all their bones but still not being able to fix anything. The exhaustion of futile knowing is like the inverse of the mortifying ordeal of being known.

morifiinwe said:

not to jump on the bandwagon but allies and enemies by the crane wives is such a yunmeng bros song (as is soap by the oh hellos but i know i’ve already sent you that one)

Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad? And you would always crack, and we’d both be laughing in the end Now you’re not so quick to forget

I am in pain and it is your fault. This is another excellent one for that sense of helplessness- loving a person and wanting to be good to them and not being able to figure out how to do that properly, but I think what really gets me about this one is the way the uncertainty half resolves into

I’ll admit I’ve had my doubts But I want to be let in not out

Sometimes hopeful things are more brutal, actually, and this makes me think about the exact moment Jiang Cheng might admit to himself that he wants a relationship with Wei Wuxian and is immediately slammed in the face with the knowledge that wanting may not make it so! “Leave the past in the past.” “Take care.”

Shoutout to tumblr user @rozarria for suggesting Bullet by Clare Maguire

And i try not to feel

Oh i try not to feel Its so hard to believe it

but in the end of it all

its true

stop making me think about all the time Jiang Cheng spends trying to internalize the idea that Wei Wuxian never really loved him and it’s pathetic and delusional and a gross betrayal of the dead to hope otherwise!

Edit: I wanted to say that my personal favouite Yunmeng Bros song is Under Pressure, which did not make it onto my yunmeng bros playlist by dint of being hidden on my Wei Wuxian playlist. But love does dare us to change our way of caring about ourselves, even if we crack a little first.

#thank you everyone who took time out of their day to hurt my feelings #<3 ilu all #morifinwe #you have committed a great violence against me but you know #in a good way

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marlborodean · 4 years ago

Text

annotation for my "destiel but it's just one direction playlist," mainly for my sister who hasn't seen supernatural but you guys can read it too if you want :^)

DIANA // 4x01, "Lazarus Rising"

this episode introduces Cas :) Castiel speaks Enochian but when he was trying to speak to Dean he was instead causing radio static and shattering windows :) he gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition :) he knew all of Dean’s soul just from touching him :) he left his handprint burned into Dean’s skin :)

Notable Lyrics:

how could someone not miss you at all?

i never would mistreat you, no, i’m not a criminal. i speak a different language but I still hear your call

let me be the one to light a fire inside those eyes. you’ve been lonely, you don’t even know me, but I can feel you crying. let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life. i don’t think you even realize, baby, you’d be saving mine

it’s only been four months but you’ve fallen down so far

i wanna reach out for you, i wanna break these walls

we all need something. if i could hold you, swear i’d never put you down

KISS YOU // 4x07, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester"

the only reason i have for this is the pure tension between Dean and Cas in this ep, which includes Dean staring at Cas's mouth and licking his lips :)

Notable Lyrics:

i just wanna take you anywhere that you like, we could go out any day, any night. i’ll take you there

tell me how to turn your love on. you can get anything that you want

if you want me to, let’s make a move

HEY ANGEL // 4x10, "Heaven and Hell"

in this ep, there is a female angel who is. i mean she’s just there to mirror what Cas will become. she is a fallen angel who rebelled because she fell in love with humanity :) and Cas talks to her, tells her that “for the time, i feel…” later in the show there’s another angel that says Cas’s “true weakness is involved. he’s in love! with humanity" :) also in this ep, the female angel and Dean have sex. clearly if Cas was a woman they would’ve been in a relationship long ago :)

Notable Lyrics:

hey angel, do you look at us and laugh when we hold onto the past? hey angel, tell me, do you ever try to come to the other side?

i wish i could be more like you. do you wish you could be more like me?

i see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed, backseat of my car, in the back of my head

BETTER THAN WORDS // 4x22, "Lucifer Rising"

in this ep, Dean is kept in a beautiful white room (which they call the green room #theatrekidvibes), and everyone understands the tension between Dean and Cas to be needlessly horny :) Cas defies heaven's orders to help Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

more than a feeling, crazy in love. every time we touch, i’m all shook up. best i ever had, hips don’t lie, you make me wanna—

how deep is your love? god only knows

i don’t know how else to sum it up, there’s no way i can explain your love

everyone tries to see what it feels like, but they’ll never be right

YOU & I // 4x22, "Lucifer Rising"

Castiel literally invented free will. the prophet Chuck couldn’t predict Castiel’s actions :) he said “you guys aren’t in this story!” and Cas replied “we’re making it up as we go” :)

Notable Lyrics:

we can make it ’til the end, nothing can come between you and i. not even the gods above can separate the two of us, nothing can come between you and i. we could make it if we try

EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU // 5x03, "Free to Be You and Me"

in this ep, Castiel thinks he is going to die the next day so Dean takes him out for a fun night :) and Dean says it’s the first time he’s laughed that hard in a long time :)

Notable Lyrics:

you know i’ve always got your back, so let me be the one you come running to. just call my name, i’ll be coming through. on the other side of the world, it don’t matter, i’ll be there in two

there’s something about your laugh that makes me want to have to. there’s nothing funny so we laugh at nothing.

every minute’s like the last so let’s just take it real slow. forget about the clock that’s ticking

you have always been the only one i wanted

i wanted you to know without you i can’t face it

WHY DON'T WE GO THERE // 5x03, "Free to Be You and Me"

same ep, but this is placed here because Dean said to Cas, “there are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.” you connect those dots :)

Notable Lyrics:

think about all the places we could go if you five in tonight. just let me set you free

we’ve got all night, and we’re going nowhere. why don’t you stay? why don’t we go there? let’s take a ride out in the cold air, i know the way, why don’t you go there with me?

ONCE IN A LIFETIME // 5x04, "The End"

in this ep, an angel zaps Dean to five years into the future where he meets his future self and future Cas. there was HEAVY subtext that they were together :) at the end of the ep, after he sees his future self die and ultimately destroy the entire world, he is zapped back to present time (where it is safe) and Castiel is there waiting for him at the side of the road in the middle of the night :)

Notable Lyrics:

once in a lifetime, you were mine

when i close my eyes, all the stars align and you are by my side. once in a lifetime, it’s just right. we are always safe, not even the bad guys in the dark night could take it all away

DRAG ME DOWN // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

this fits anywhere between 4x01 and this ep, which is when. when Dean finds out that Cas had betrayed him and was working alongside the king of hell behind his back :) so as long as this is placed before That Scene, it's fine :)

Notable Lyrics:

i’ve got a fire for a heart, i’m not scared of the dark, you’ve never seen it look so easy. i’ve got a river for a soul, and baby, you’re a boat. baby you’re my only reason

if i didn’t have you, there would be nothing left. the shell of a man that could never be his best. if i didn’t have you, i’d never see the sun

you taught me how to be someone

all my life you stood by me, when no one else was ever behind me. with your love, nobody can drag me down

WOLVES // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

the war with angels is oncoming, so Cas is trying (trying) to do lots of damage control with that, which means killing angels and demons alike that are after the Winchesters. there's a great scene here :) idk it fits here somehow my brain is too big to be confined by the English language

Notable Lyrics:

in the middle of the night when the wolves come out, they head straight for your heart like a bullet in the dark. one by one, i take them down

i keep on holding tight now, ‘cause your body’s telling me don’t let go

just getting my demons out, wouldn’t ever doubt. your beauty could start a war as you walk in the dining room

i wish it wasn’t true, but the whole world’s trying to get a piece of you, and my heart keeps fighting in this battle of fools

INFINITY // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

since Cas is trying to prevent the war, much like Aziraphale, he is deemed a failed and fallen angel! :) but then Dean finds out Cas has been working with the king of hell behind his back! :) Cas says "It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?" and Dean replies "I was there. Where were you?" :)

Notable Lyrics:

down to earth, keep on falling when i know it hurts

now i’m one step closer to being two steps from you, when everybody wants you

i was there for you. all i ever wanted was the truth. how many nights have you wished someone would stay?

FOOL'S GOLD // 7x02, "Hello, Cruel World"

i see this as Cas POV as he decides to sacrifice himself and let the Leviathans destroy him, before he leaves Dean ahahaha! i see it in this point in time because Cas loves Dean but assumes Dean doesn't feel the same, but! as we see, Dean keeps Cas's coat (because he loves him)

Notable Lyrics:

i know in my heart, you’re not a constant star. i let you use me from the day that we first met, but I’m not done yet, falling for you. i knew that you turned it on for everyone you’ve met, but i don’t regret falling for you

i know your love’s not real, but that’s not the way it feels. that’s not the way you feel

HALF A HEART // 7x02-7x21

literally every time Cas dies, Dean becomes inconsolable and loses all will to live and succumbs to raging alcoholism :) in season 7, when Cas dies, Dean keeps his jacket. for months. :) also applies to 13x01-13x05

Notable Lyrics:

so your friends [have] been telling me, you’ve been sleeping with my sweater, and that you can’t stop missing me. bet my friends [have] been telling you, i’m not doing much better

i’m missing half of me, and being here without you is like i’m waking up to only half a blue sky. kind of there, but not quite. i’m walking 'round with just one shoe. i’m half a heart without you. i’m half a man at best, with half an arrow in my chest. i miss everything we do. i’m half a heart without you

forget all we said that night, it doesn’t even matter

though i try to get you out of my head, the truth is i got lost without you

GIRL ALMIGHTY // 8x17, "Goodbye Stranger"

very closely tied to the imagery of the episode rather than the story. the bright light as Cas overpowers his brainwashing, Dean kneeling in front of Cas. not to self-promo but watch my Religion AMV to see what i mean!! it's visceral stuff :)

Notable Lyrics:

her light is as loud as many ambulances as it takes to save a savior

am i the only believer? there’s something happening here. i hope you feel what i’m feeling too

i get down on my knees for you

STRONG // 8x17, "Goodbye Stranger"

Castiel has been brainwashed into betraying Dean again, to the point where he was forced to participate in hundreds of simulations where he has to kill Dean :) so when the time comes where he’s told to kill Dean, he suddenly can’t do it :) know why? because Dean tells him “Cas, it’s me. We need you. I need you.” :)

Notable Lyrics:

my hands, your hands, tied up like two ships. my heart, your heart, sit tight like bookends. pages between us written with no end. so many words we’re not saying. don’t wanna wait til it’s gone

i’m sorry if i say ‘i need you’

when i’m not with you, i’m weaker. is that so wrong? is it so wrong that you make me strong?

WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO // 9x03, "I'm No Angel"

Cas loses his grace so now he is human. for some reason i don’t remember, Dean tells him he can’t stay at his place anymore. now Cas is homeless! :) and so Dean regrets it and goes to look for him :) also side note but there is some fan headcanons or theories that Cas had to resort to sex work to make money :/

Notable Lyrics:

counted all my mistakes and there’s only one standing out from the list of the things i’ve done. all the rest of my crimes don’t come close to the look on your face when i let you go.

the taste of your lips on the tip of my tongue is at the top of the list of the things i want

love was something you’ve never heard enough

now i’m searching every lonely place, every corner calling out your name, trying to find you, but i just don’t know. where do broken hearts go?

are you sleeping by yourself? or are you giving it to someone else?

tell me where you go when you feel afraid. tell me, will you ever love me again?

I WANT TO WRITE YOU A SONG // 11x03, "The Bad Seed"

no thoughts only the scene of Dean wrapping a blanket around Cas :)

Notable Lyrics:

i want to write you a song, one that’s beautiful as you are sweet, with just a hint of pain for the feeling that i get when you are gone

i want to lend you my coat, one that’s as soft as your cheek, so when the world is cold, you’ll have a hiding place you can go

everything i need i get from you, giving back is all i wanna do

MOMENTS // 11x23, "Alpha and Omega"

this song is like...every time Dean or Cas is about to sacrifice himself/DIE and they get emotional about it. this is an Exemplary episode that fits well with this song because a) they had time to make this plan, which means they would have time to say goodbyes and be ~intimate~ abt it, and b) the hug towards the end when Cas casually says "I could go with you," offering to DIE alongside Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

shut the door, turn the light off. i wanna be with you, i wanna feel your love. i wanna lay beside you. i cannot hide this, even though i try.

trembling hands touch skin, it makes this harder. and the tears stream down my face

if we could only have this life for one more day. if we could only turn back time

i’ll be your life, your voice, your reason to be. my love/my heart is breathing for this moment in time. i’ll find the words to say before you leave me today.

don’t wanna be without you

there’s a pile of my clothes at the end of your bed as i feel myself fall, make a joke of it all

NO CONTROL // 12x23, "All Along the Watchtower"

this could honestly go anywhere, but i’m placing it in here in the chronology because it’s Cas charging blindly and headfirst into battle with literal Lucifer to protect Dean :) good moment contextually because before Cas ran away to help this woman give birth, he had a pretty cozy domestic life with Dean :) it's important to note that this does get him killed, which does lead to another grieving wife phase for Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

beside you i’m a loaded gun. i can’t contain this anymore. i’m all yours, i’ve got no control. powerless, and i don’t care it’s obvious. i just can’t get enough of you. the pedal’s down, my eyes are closed

i don’t want to wash away the night before, and the heat where you laid, i could stay right here and burn in it all day

THROUGH THE DARK // 14x14, "Ouroboros"

this is not about the gay gorgon, folks, it's about the Ma'lak Box. Dean is crushed by the responsibility of having to lock himself in a LITERAL box to prevent Michael (the archangel inside his mind) from taking over

Notable Lyrics:

you tell me that you’re hurt and you’re in pain, and i can see your head is held in shame, but i just wanna see you smile again

i’ll be here for you. i will carry you over fire and water for your love. i will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough

i wish that i could take you to the stars. i’d never let you fall and break your heart

you tell me that you hurt, it’s all in vain, but i can see your heart can love again, and i remember you laughing so let’s just laugh again

CHANGE MY MIND // 15x03, "The Rupture"

Dean is being a pissy lil bitch because their child died and Castiel can’t deal with it so he leaves :) there’s a lot of stress in their relationship because they both have horrible communication issues. it boils down to Dean thinking like “i want people to just want to stay instead of leaving. i shouldn’t have to ask for that.” and Cas thinking like “i want people to tell me they want me around. i need that verbalized reassurance.” this is canon :)

Notable Lyrics:

the end of the night, we should say goodbye, but we carry on while everyone’s gone

never felt like this before, are we friends or are we more? as i’m walking towards the door, i’m not sure

if you say you want me to say, i’ll change my mind. ‘cause i don’t wanna know i’m walking away if you’ll be mine. i won’t go

IF I COULD FLY // 15x09, "The Trap"

Dean and Cas have to go to Purgatory to retrieve an Ingredient~ they get separated and the portal is about to close and Dean gets desperate so he gets on his knees and prays to Cas :) closure of 15x03 breakup scene, because Dean says “I should’ve stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.” :) Dean cries more than one tear, one of his most vulnerable moments in the show (rivaled only by the scene where he tells his mom he hates her). this scene is viewed by many, including jackles, as Dean's love confession especially because he evidently wanted to say something more to Cas's face but Cas cut him off :)

Notable Lyrics:

if i could fly, i’d be coming right back home to you. i think i might give up everything, just ask me to

i hope that you listen, cause i let my guard down. right now i’m completely defenseless

for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart. i’m missing half of me when we’re apart. now you know me

WALKING IN THE WIND // 15x18, "Despair" and 15x19, "Inherit the Earth"

“Despair” is the episode where Castiel confesses his love too Dean. Dean says “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” and Cas replies “Because it is.” :) reminiscent of the way their son Jack (who is a mirror to Cas) tells Sam and Dean “I'll be in every drop of falling rain, every speck of dust that the wind blows, and in the sand, in the rocks, and the sea.” :)

Notable Lyrics:

if you’re lost, just look for me. you’ll find me in the region of the summer stars

the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won

goodbyes are bittersweet, but it’s not the end. i’ll see your face again and you will find me

yesterday i went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend, but as we raised our glasses to make a toast I realized you were missing.

SOMETHING GREAT // 15x18, "Despair"-15x20, "Carry On"

Cas pov for 18 and Dean pov for 20 :) Cas saying "the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have." :) and then Dean missing and wanting Cas back after he died, saying to God, "Cas. You gotta bring him back," yet again falling back into bad alcoholism and depression and suicidal ideation :)

Notable Lyrics:

i want you here with me like how i pictured it, so i don’t have to keep imagining

the script was written…i want to rip it all to shreds and start again. one day i’ll come into your world and get it right

you’re all i want, so much it’s hurting

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY // Post-Canon mwah!

This is what it would have been like for Dean in the version of Supernatural that totally definitely does exist, in which Jack brought Cas back to life and Dean and Cas were reunited and Dean tells Cas he loves him too and then they live a domestic and safe life and Dean is still shocked every morning that he wakes up next to the love of his life :)

Notable Lyrics:

i can’t believe that you are here and lying next to me

like all those days and weeks and months i tried to steal a kiss, and all those sleepless nights and daydreams where i pictured this

somehow you kicked all my walls in, so say you’ll always keep me

should i put coffee and granola on a tray in bed, and wake you up with all the words that i still haven’t said? and tender touches just to show yo how i feel, or should i act so cool like it was no big deal?

#i think my sister is probably asleep right now so i'll update yall on her response later #i'm insane i'm so sorry #ej.pdf #spn #for lisa!

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thatmomentwhen345 · 4 years ago

Text

Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

#personal #long post #my art #please read if you are wondering about the change of atmosphere

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