#i am going to cuddle my other cat really hard when we get back

[lighthouseas]

okay update: kitty is going to be okay, but we will need to switch his diet since he had a urinary blockage, which can be fatal in cats. i cried a lot but it's ok because he's going to be okay 🤞 going to do something to take my mind off of it when i get home

[weirdgenetic-fuckup]

Omggg I need more Peter Steele smut cause that man is so fine and I feel like he would have the darkest sexiest fantasies ever 😩

A/n: The ending kinda sucks booty cheeks bc I gave up on it don't hurt me

Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, fingering (f receiving), oral (f receiving), if you think I missed anything let me know otherwise enjoy!

Tiddies 🤤

You and Peter, your fiance, had been together for a few years. You were used to the looks you got with him, you were short to most everyone, he was tall to most everyone, by a lot.

He was known to be this big, scary giant of a man with a deep booming voice, but in the sanctity of your own home he was quiet and gentle.

Peter held you while you slept soundly, letting you cuddle up to him with an arm wrapped around you, his other hand trailing down your side. "So beautiful." He murmured, you began to stir but kept your eyes closed and leaned into his touch, not ready to be awake yet.

Peter's hand moved over you, rubbing and squeezing occasionally before finally landing on your stomach. He let out a soft sign and pushed your shirt up, spreading his open palm over your stomach.

"Peter?" You asked, voice soft but hoarse. "What're you doing?" Your mumbled, rolling over into him.

He kissed your forehead and shook his head dismissively. "Nothing to worry about, I was just thinking." He muttered, deep voice rumbling in his chest. He wrapped his long arms around you and pulled you closer, letting you nuzzle into him.

"Thinking about what?" You pushed, smiling softly up at him, still not really awake.

He couldn't just not tell you anything, you'd find out one day or another, it wasn't something he planned on keeping from you. He brought a hand up to your face, cupping your cheek and running his thumb over the plush skin. "Thinking about you... how pretty you are, and... how you'd look carrying my child."

Your cheeks lit up at that, you were definitely awake now. "Peter... we've never talked about kids." You said.

He nodded in agreement. "So we should, I want kids, at least I want to see you with kids."

"We have cats."

"And the kids would love the cats."

"And if they're allergic?" You asked, making him think for a minute.

"Shoot 'em, I don't know." You smacked his chest and rolled over so your back was facing him. He pulled you back, keeping you pressed against him, obviously you weren't pulling away from him. "I'm just kidding." He assured, kissing up the back of your neck.

You let out a soft sigh, watching his hand wander back to your exposed stomach. You held your hand over his, smiling softly at the thought. "Kids..?" You asked again.

Peter nodded against you and kissed closer to your ear. "Our kids... Penelope and Hash." You looked back at him, a look of terror and disgust on your face making him laugh.

"I am not giving you kids with those names, what the fuck." You said with a chuckle.

"Alright, alright... I'll let you pick the names." He rolled his hips into you, you gave a small hum and reached back between the both of you and felt his half-hard cock through his sweats.

"You know what the best part of trying for a kid is?" Peter hummed for you to continue, grinding himself into your palm, hold on your tightening. "Making them~" You purred, pulling your hand away from him and pushing your shorts down.

Peter was quick to help you get undressed, moving to lay between your legs and flipping you onto your stomach while you giggled. "People say there's a higher chance of getting pregnant if you cum first." He said between kisses.

"Does it help if I'm on my stomach?" You asked, looking back at him and holding yourself up on your elbows, watching him get closer to your glistening cunt.

"No idea." He said. "But you're not gonna be on your stomach for the next few months, might as well let you enjoy it while you can." You were gonna say something, joke about not wanting to go through pregnancy, but his tongue was already dipping into you.

You'd never been too fond of this position, when he was fucking you fine, being on your stomach wasn't bad, but when he was eating you out... He never had any complaints, he was also the one putting you like this.

You didn't get much time to think about it as he slid a finger in you, quickly followed by a second as he scissored them in and out of you, curling them deep in you just where he knew you'd like them.

You pushed your face into your pillow, moaning as he finger fucked you, still kissing up and down your thighs, nipping at the sensitive spots.

Peter pulled his fingers from your hole, you whined at the sudden emptiness, clenching helplessly around nothing. Peter sat up and brought his fingers to your mouth, pushing them in and making you taste yourself. "That's just the start, sweetheart."

He adjusted his pants and pulled his hard cock out, all eleven inches hitting your ass with a little slap. You pushed your ass back into him and he rolled his hips against you, a low groan leaving him. "Hurry up." You pleaded when he pulled his fingers from your mouth.

"I'm going, just like taking my time with you." You felt his tip brush through your folds, gathering your juices and using them as lube so he could push into you. He went slow, giving you a break every few seconds to adjust until he bottomed out in you.

You melted into the sheets, relaxing and getting used to the feel of him, knowing in a moment he would pull his hips back and slam into you.

Just as you predicted, he slowly pulled out of you almost all the way before pounding into you, setting a harsh pace. He let you hold your pillow but moved it so your moans weren't muffled, echoing off the walls as he split you in two.

"So loud." He said through grunts, mouth right by your ear. "How're we gonna fuck if we've got little ones running around?" You whined, clawing at the sheets. His hand came down on your ass, the other one holding your hip and keeping you in place. "Answer me."

"I-I don't know..." You mumbled, pushing your ass back again. Peter's hand met your ass again, rubbing the stinging skin afterwards.

He let out a chuckle, a grumbly sound. "We'll kick 'em out." You whined into your pillow, hiding your face. Peter lifted you up a bit, hitting impossibly deeper. You looked down and saw his cock pushing against your stomach.

Soon you'd be all round and swollen with your kid, waddling around with Peter behind you.

[just1cefor4ll]

—You’re the type of person they write rock songs about

modern!au Viktor x fem!reader warning. not proof read,

part seven || part eight || epilogue

A/N. ugh only one more chapter :(( i love how this turned out tho so its okay :D

‘From the day you arrived,

I’ve remained by your side

In chains, entombed.’

Viktor didn’t sleep at all. He had tried—closing his eyes, shifting positions, even pulling the blankets over his head in frustration—but his mind refused to quiet down. Every time he thought he might finally drift off, the same thoughts dragged him back under, looping over and over until exhaustion settled deep in his bones. By the time his alarm clock read 5 AM, he gave up entirely. There was no point in fighting it anymore. Moving sluggishly, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, lingering in the silence of his dimly lit dorm before deciding to just get ready for the day. Maybe keeping busy would help, or at the very least, keep him from thinking too much.

He was halfway through pulling on a sweater when his phone buzzed.

His breath caught. His pulse jumped. Was it you?

Without a second thought, he reached for his phone, nearly knocking it off the bed in his rush. But as soon as he saw the screen, the anticipation drained from his face.

Just the group chat. His friends, awake at an ungodly hour, spamming messages back and forth.

Viktor let out a slow breath, staring at the screen for a moment before opening the messages. He shouldn’t be this disappointed. He shouldn’t have expected anything in the first place.

But he did.

——————————————————————————

[j.talis] Vi did you hear Y/n and the others are playing at your dads bar tonight?

[losttvi] No way… it’s almost like….. he’s my dad.. and… hold up a REAL shocker… powder is my sister?!?!?! who is apart of the group?!?!?! and they tell me these kinds of things…..?!?!?!!?

[j.talis] LMAOAOAOA

[j.talis] jump.

[mmedarda] its 5:17 AM can we not start this rn?

[vik.tor222] agreed

[losttvi] WELL WELL WELL

[j.talis] LOOK WHO THE CAT DRAGGED IN

[mmedarda] and suddenly they’re besties again

[vik.tor222] .

[j.talis] where have you been man? you haven’t updated us in like 2 days

[vik.tor222] nothing’s up, ive just been busy

[losttvi] busy cuddling with y/n haha

[j.talis] WHAT

[vik.tor222] im not even gonna ask how you know that

[mmedarda] spoiler alert: powder

[j.talis] AND?? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER?????

[vik.tor222] I went to my dorm when Powder got back anddd I confessed

[mmedarada] viktor..

[losttvi] HAHAHHAHAHA nice joke, but I don’t like jokes

[j.talis] wait you fr confessed?

[vik.tor222] why is that so hard to believe???

[mmedarda] maybe because the both of you have been blindly dancing around each other for WEEKS?? maybe even months?

[j.talis] ^^

[losttvi] ^^

[vik.tor222] okay what were you even talking about? her and the others playing a show?

[losttvi] yh powder told me yesterday that we should come

[mmedarda] sounds fun, after this week i really need to get away from campus

[j.talis] ugh same

[losttvi] where does this man get this attitude from

[mmedarda] no idea.

[losttvi] okay anyway losers i need to go get ready, meet at our usual spot at 8

[mmedarda] okayy :))

[j.talis] kk

[vik.tor222] alright

——————————————————————————

Viktor walked to the usual meetup spot, adjusting the strap of his bag as he went. His thoughts were a mess, tangled up in the unread message sitting in his phone. Jayce was already there, leaning against a bench, scrolling through something that made him snort. Vi showed up a minute later, hands shoved into her pockets, moving like she had nowhere important to be. Mel arrived last, perfectly put together as always, sipping her coffee like she wasn’t about to walk into an 8 AM class.

"Alright, we ready to go?" Jayce asked, tucking his phone away as they started walking toward their first lecture.

Viktor wasn’t really listening to whatever conversation was happening around him. His mind kept circling back to last night. He’d stared at his screen for what felt like an eternity before finally sending the message. ‘I love you rockstar.’ Then he’d stayed awake far too long, watching for a response that never came. And now, hours later, still nothing.

Jayce nudged him, dragging him back to the present. “You’re awfully quiet. You die inside overnight?”

Vi smirked. “Nah, he’s just in crisis mode. Y/N still hasn’t responded, huh?”

Viktor sighed, rubbing at his temple. “No.”

Mel hummed. “She probably just hasn’t seen it yet.”

“Or she’s thinking,” Jayce added. “That’s a good sign, right?”

“Or she’s ignoring him,” Vi said, grinning when Viktor groaned. “Kidding. Probably.”

The conversation moved on, but Viktor couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling in his stomach. The day dragged. His classes, usually something he could lose himself in, felt twice as long. His engineering problem set was a disaster of half-finished equations, his physics lecture went in one ear and out the other, and every spare second between classes was spent checking his phone. Nothing.

By dinner, he felt like a frayed wire, running on caffeine and anxiety. He picked at his food while the others ate, barely listening. Vi elbowed him at one point.

"You keep looking at your phone like that, people are gonna think you’re waiting for a text from your mom.”

Viktor exhaled a weak laugh. “Maybe she’s the one rejecting me.”

Mel sighed. “It’s not a rejection until she says no.”

Jayce nodded. “And tonight’s your chance to talk to her.”

Right. The show. He’d been so wrapped up in overthinking that he hadn’t considered the fact that he’d be seeing you in person. The realization made his stomach flip. What if you acted normal? What if you pretended like he hadn’t said anything? Or worse—what if you avoided him?

“Let’s go,” Vi said, standing up and stretching. “Doors open soon. You ready, lover boy?”

Viktor groaned, dragging a hand down his face. He wasn’t ready at all. But there was no backing out now.

The bar was already full of energy by the time they got there. The low hum of conversation mixed with the distant sound of the band setting up on stage. Vi led the way through the crowd with practiced ease, Jayce close behind her. Mel walked like she belonged anywhere, unfazed by the dim lighting and the heavy bass from the speakers. Viktor, on the other hand, felt like his nerves were going to eat him alive.

He spotted you almost immediately. You were on stage, tuning your guitar, fingers moving over the strings with effortless precision. His stomach did something unpleasant at the sight—something between excitement and absolute dread.

“You gonna go say hi?” Jayce asked, following his gaze.

Viktor swallowed. “I—”

Before he could come up with an excuse, Powder spotted them from behind her mic stand. “Hey! You guys made it!” She waved, then nudged Ekko, who gave them a lazy salute from where he was setting up his bass.

And then—because fate was clearly cruel—you looked up. Your gaze landed on the group, and for one painfully long second, Viktor swore you were looking right at him.

Then, just as quickly, you looked away.

“Damn,” Vi muttered under her breath, catching the moment. “That’s rough, buddy.” Viktor exhaled sharply. “Thank you, Vi. Very helpful.” Jayce clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe she’s just focused on the show.” Mel studied Viktor’s expression, then said, “Or maybe you should stop assuming the worst and wait until she actually talks to you.”

That was easy for her to say. She wasn’t the one standing here, feeling like an exposed wire sparking under too much pressure.

The lights dimmed slightly, signaling that the show was about to start. People around them started cheering, moving closer to the stage.

Powder tapped the mic once, then leaned in with a playful “Hello?” Her voice echoed through the speakers, and she chuckled before straightening up. “Alright, let’s try that again—hello, everyone!”

The crowd responded with cheers, and she grinned. “Tonight’s a little different. Special, even. And why, you ask? Because I’m handing over the mic—for a song, at least.” She shot a glance over her shoulder before turning back to the audience. “You’ve heard them before, but only through the six strings of a guitar that could probably set this place on fire if it wanted to. But tonight, they’re stepping up in a new way. Give it up for Y/N!”

The room erupted into cheers as you stepped forward, guitar slung over your shoulder. You adjusted the strap before approaching the mic, fingers idly running over the strings as you tested the tuning. The familiar weight of the instrument steadied you, the energy of the crowd buzzing around you like electricity in the air.

You gave a small nod to the band, and in the next breath, your fingers moved, pulling the first notes from the strings. The sound rang through the bar, rich and steady, the kind that made people stop mid-conversation just to listen. The crowd quieted just enough to catch the shift in atmosphere, anticipation thick in the air. The sound of your guitar lowered just a bit— but you were still playing as you started to speak. “This song is dedicated to a special someone who has made me feel special over the past few months.. and last night they really won my heart.” You smile, making eye contact with Viktor who could only blindly stare while his friends squealed like teenage girls at your words.

“And I’d give up forever to touch you.”

“Cause I know that you feel me somehow.”

“You’re the closest thing to heaven that I’ll ever be.”

“And I don’t want to go home right now.”

Your voice rang through the bar, strong and steady, weaving through the melody like a heartbeat. The song was yours—every chord, every lyric. And somehow, every note felt like a direct line to Viktor, like you were speaking to him in a language only the two of you understood.

The crowd swayed, caught in the moment, but Viktor sat frozen. His heart was in his throat, his mind barely able to keep up. He had spent the entire day convinced he had ruined everything, that maybe he had overstepped, that maybe you didn’t feel the same way.

But now? Now, you were standing under the stage lights, singing to him.

Jayce let out something between a laugh and a gasp, smacking Viktor’s shoulder hard enough to jolt him. “Dude, are you breathing?” Vi had both hands in her hair, grinning like she was watching a scene straight out of a movie. “Oh, this is insane. You’re actually winning right now.” Mel simply smirked. “And to think, you spent the whole day suffering.”

Viktor barely registered them. His entire world had narrowed down to you.

And then you looked at him. It wasn’t fleeting. It wasn’t just scanning the crowd. It was intentional. Direct. Like you were making sure he knew.

And just when he thought he couldn’t take any more, you smiled. A real, soft smile, like you knew exactly what this was doing to him.

“And I don’t want the world to see me.”

“Cause I don’t thinks that they’d understand.”

“When everything’s made to be broken.”

“I just want you to know who I am.”

Viktor felt something in his chest pull tight, so overwhelming it almost hurt. His pulse was a hammer against his ribs, his fingers twitching at his sides, his entire body struggling to process the fact that this was real.

The song carried on, the melody washing over him, and for the first time all day, the weight in his chest lifted.

You had answered him.

Loud and clear.

As the song came to an end and the rest of the set ended, his mind was everywhere. “So are you going to do something or do we have to call her over here?” Jayce nudges him, giving him a smirk. “Nah let’s wait to see if he can turn any redder.” Vi laughed as Caitlyn only shook her head in amusement. She however spoke up along with Mel. “Viktor you should really go get her, she’s literally given you the most obvious answer and you’re sitting here like an idiot.” Caitlyn exclaims, putting a hand on her forehead. “She’s right Vik, go get your girl.” Mel smiles, finally seeing her close friend get his ‘happy ending.’

And with that it was like Viktors legs stopped listening to him— leading him towards the stage as if he were hypnotised with some weird spell you were emitting into the air. He stopped just at the edge of the stage, tilting his head slightly. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

You laughed softly, shifting your guitar strap so it rested more comfortably. “A little.” Viktor exhaled, shaking his head. “You could have just texted me, you know.” “I could have,” you admitted, sitting on the edge of the stage. “But this was more fun.” You whisper, leaning in close to his face with a close eyed smile.

His heart stuttered. His hands clenched at his sides, not out of nerves, but because if he didn’t do something, he was fairly certain he was going to combust. “Since when have I had a song written about me in that head of yours?” He asked with soft smirk, flicking your forehead. You shrugged, pretending to count. “Hm, would it surprise you if I told you ever since the café gig?” He chuckled, shaking his head.

Viktor swallowed hard, then—because this entire night had already gone completely off the rails— “So. Does this mean I’ve officially won your heart?” He asked, hands snaking up to your hips, pulling you a bit closer.

You pretended to consider it for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. I’d say so.” You smirk and let him lean in for a kiss but then—

“Ew can y’all not do this right here?”

Powder’s voice echoed through the bar— a few people turning to look in your direction as you watched Viktor’s brows furrow with annoyance. “Didn’t you all beg me for months to just go for it?” Viktor said with slight anger in his voice— the wasted opportunity poking at his heart. “Yeah, but not right in front of us?!” Powder exclaimed, putting a hand on her hip.

You smiled in amusement, giggling even— “How about you and Ekko making out in our dorm almost everyday when you first got together, hm?” You tease, earning a few comebacks from both Ekko and Powder while the rest laughed.

You leaned towards Viktors ear and whisper; “Let’s get out of here?” You half ask before getting up, leaving an annoyed but proud Powder on the stage. As you pulled him toward the door, Powder cupped her hands around her mouth. “This isn’t over, Y/N!”

You tossed a playful wave over your shoulder, not even bothering to turn around.

The bar doors swung shut behind you, muting the sounds of laughter and music inside. The night air was cool, a stark contrast to the warmth of the bar, and for the first time all day, Viktor finally felt like he could breathe.

You squeezed his hand, glancing at him with a small smile. “So? Was this worth the wait?”

Viktor exhaled a laugh, shaking his head.

“Absolutely.”

© just1cefor4all— I don’t consent to my writing being reposted to other platforms or fed into AI. Translating it is also strictly prohibited. 🚫

taglist: @erica2024 @lolixsstuff @skullmvncher @startingtoloveyou @astarionapologist @th3stup1dcat @fiveperrcent @fadedpinkpen @noxturnalmoth

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Curious, do your Tav ideas work with dark urge too? Also cuddles! Have any cuddling head canons you’d like to share? :)

I honestly haven't seen enough dark urge playthroughs to say for certain. If anybody has a dark urge Astarion romance compilation they want to recommend me I'll take a look.

I will say I think Ace!Tav would be a very reluctant durge. I can't imagine them enjoying the violence and actively fight it at every chance, at least in how I characterize them in my brain.

As for cuddles, stand back, I'm about to ramble.

Let's be up front about this, both Astarion and Ace!Tav are touch starved as fuck

Astarion might have had a string of lovers, but we all saw what he looks like when he first got a hug; man doesn't know what to do with his hands, he hasn't been properly cuddled in centuries

Meanwhile Ace!Tav has more or less trained themselves to hold back on touching other people

When hugs and cuddles are tied to romantic connection, and romance is tied to sex, it's hard to get cuddles without something more being asked for

They had more than one relationship where they said yes to sex because what they really wanted was the cuddles after; it's a mess

So when Astarion and Ace!Tav finally get the whole truth out in the open about how they care for one another and that neither of them are particularly interest in sex, a whole new world opens up

It's slow going at first, neither are entirely certain what the rules are

Ace!Tav starts first, a brush of the hand here and head on the shoulder there

Slowly Astarion starts to reciprocate, squeezing their fingers and pulling them closer

One night they stay out late talking; not about anything in particular, just to enjoy each other's company and pass the time

Ace!Tav starts to get tired and says they need to go to bed...and, if Astarion wants to join them, he can, if he wants

Astarion just nods, any thought of words escaping him as Ace!Tav leads him to their tent

It's a bit awkward at first; Astarion is unfamiliar with this and honestly annoyed with himself that he's so clueless, his only consolation is that Ace!Tav seems just as unsure as him

Eventually they lay down facing each other, with Ace!Tav asking him if this was alright

He then takes the initiative, pulling them closer so his arms can wrap properly around them; he can feel their heart beat against his chest, echoing inside him like a memory

It's only then does he relax, knowing for certain that this really is all either of them want

After that, they hardly spend a night apart

Astarion may not need to sleep, but that's not going to stop him from cuddling with Ace!Tav until they do

They switch big spoon and little spoon

Some times Astarion wants to drift off to the sound of their heart in his ear and sometimes he wants to wrap them in his arms, knowing he's trust enough to keep them safe

In all honesty, Ace!Tav prefers to be the little spoon, but they can't deny there is something satisfying in being the big spoon now and again

Both of them had fallen victim to the cat in the lap rule; if one of them in laying on top of the other, they can't move for anything, no excuses

This starts to slowly extend to outside the tent as well

In actuality Ace!Tav is a very physically affectionate person, and Astarion is more than willing to indulge them

What better way to announce to the world, "this person is mine and I am theirs"

Hand holding, hand kisses, and playful nudges abound

It takes a lot of patience and communication to get to the point, but Gods does it feel right when they do

[i-mybrunettelady]

Hey, for the prompts, what about platonic friendship love for Cass and Damsa?

getting food with the other person and realizing that this is all it takes for you to be content. this is what happiness feels like, you think.

Something something oranges?? 👉👈👀

hello! writing this took me a bit but i finally did it. this one has it all - the thruple/cassmel, balthazar the cat, a cameo from @melusinedreams' kathan, oranges, vestra and it's all packaged in a modern au. also, please do note how fucking balkan this whole thing is. i tried really hard.

The screen lights up. 

“I hope I am not interrupting your plans tonight,” Melchior’s voice rings from the phone. I shuffle on the bed, careful to not wrinkle my clothes too much. “I simply wished to say your cat missed you very much. And also to ask if you’re alright out there.” 

“Going to Vestra is never easy,” I say quietly and curl a strand of hair around my finger. “But Drendes aren’t like Theokleia. They’re nice people. Filthy rich, that part’s the same, but they’re not..” I laugh nervously. “They won’t kick you out for existing wrongly.” 

He asked me that yesterday, and the day before. My stay here is for little over a week. I mean, it makes sense, right? Last time I tried to go to Vestra solo, I had a fucking panic attack, and that was what, three years ago? Mel and I weren’t together at the time, but for fuck’s sake, Kathan bought sleeping pills on the way from the airport. 

“That’s good to hear,” Melchior replies. “Can you turn your video on? There’s something that I want to show you.” He turns the video on and I take a second to look at his bare face and messy hair. He has yet to take his silver, dangly earrings off. He then turns to yell at a direction off camera, “Kathan, where is Balthazar?”

My baby? My little baby boy? I turn the video on right away and put the phone to my face. Kathan yells something back from a distance and suddenly, here she is, dropping Bal onto Mel’s lap. 

“Hello, Cassander,” she says. “I hope Vestra hasn’t chewed you yet. Also, your son is spoiled. He’s been wailing for you everyday since you left. He sleeps in your shirts. It stopped being cute five days ago.” 

“Don’t be fucking mean, he’s just a little cat! He doesn’t know how travel works! All he knows is meowing and playing and–” Balthazar hears me speaking and stares at me. I poke my finger at the screen and coo. “BUDDY! BABY! LITTLE GUY!” 

He meows excitedly and headbutts the screen. His chainsaw-adjacent purr almost makes my phone vibrate too. 

“I’ll be back in a few days! Wait a little bit more and we can cuddle all day!” 

“MROOOOOOW.” Headbutting turns to pawing. Melchior’s barely holding the phone from the force of it. He laughs, as does Kathan, but they’re overpowered by loud purr-meows. 

“Do I hear a cat?” Damsa says from behind. I wasn’t aware my phone was so loud, fuck. 

“I’m in a video call,” I say. “Apparently, Bal missed me.” 

“Balthazar!” Damsa almost runs over, putting her head over my shoulder and taps at the screen. “Hello, Balthazar!” 

“MRRRROOOW.” 

“Hello, Damsa,” Melchior’s head peeks over Bal’s raw chicken body. “Aren’t you two all dressed up! For what occasion?” 

“We’re going to an ethnic Vestran restaurant,” I reply, between cooing at Bal. “They have very good portokalópita, apparently.”

Bal shifts. He meows indignantly when Mel puts his ass away from his face. I laugh with my whole chest. Kathan gently takes Bal into her arms and whispers something in his ear. The sad, wet beast meows in my direction still, squirming in her embrace. 

“You spoiled your son, again,” she says. “Give him back to us, Damsa. He needs to instill some manners into his child.” 

“You’re being mean,” I repeat and throw a glance at the time on my phone. “But uh, Damsa? Don’t we have a reservation soon?” 

“MROOOOOOOOOW!”

“I’ll be back soon, I promise!” 

“PURRR–MRROOW!” 

“If I let you argue with your fucking cat, you’ll miss your orange cake. C’mon, Bal. You’ll see him in three days.” Kathan stands up and leaves the view. Balthazar meows sadly and with such indignation my heart breaks into ten thousand pieces. Melchior fixes his hair and laughs softly. 

“I’m glad you’re doing well,” he says. “We’ll be waiting for you at the airport. Go now. Eat your portokalópita and have fun.” 

“Thanks. I’ll send photos,” I reply. Damsa nods and waves. 

“I’ll call the taxi,” she informs me. Melchior waves back to us both, sends me a kiss and exits the call. I look at Damsa. 

“You have everything figured out,” I comment  and stand up. The mirror is right there in front of me and I walk over to do some finishing touches, fix my hair, check for any makeup smudging. Green frames my dark eyes, light catches on the golden shimmer. Golden earrings peek from the jungle of my hair, blissfully held together by hairspray. My shirt didn’t get creased, which is a small miracle because as much as I love this silky, elegant thing, it creases like nobody’s fucking business. 

Damsa’s heels glide over the floor. She fixes her lipstick and turns towards the door. “Shall we? 

***

The restaurant looks expensive. It’s not your regular fancy restaurant though; it’s decorated in traditional Vestran styles, a mixture of north and south influences, and it brings back memories. A lot of fucked up memories. Memories of grand houses I stayed in before Theokleia lost custody of me and before I was adopted. My mother’s very fucking proud of her Vestran heritage, to the point she ruined it for me. 

But this restaurant doesn't reek of fighting and yelling. People are laughing, whole groups of people are dancing to the live, traditional Vestran music. That was my master thesis, the various music traditions of a country that was denied to me. 

Damsa moves to the rhythm. I recall the familiar sounds that had embedded into the soft tissue of my brain years ago. “Ancient Vestrans,” I can almost hear my voice, still cracking from my breakup just days before I had to defend the damn thing, “liked to sing about noble heroes and often sang about them using white voice.” 

“What’s wrong?” Damsa asks, taking my hand. I’m torn from my thoughts rather violently and stare at her like a dumbass for 2 minutes. 

“Bad memories,” I scrunch my face. “And uh, my research for my thesis at university. Should I regale you with my knowledge of Vestran folk music?”

“Perhaps,” she says. “It is a conversation topic.” 

I sigh. “It didn’t get me dick or pussy, believe me. My biggest charm is my hair, it turns out.”

“If you don’t wish to stay here, we can go somewhere else,” she says seriously. 

“Nah, I’m not a whiny lil kid,” I frown. “Besides, I have to get over them at some point.” 

Easier said than done. For fuck’s sake, Cassander. I huff out a laugh, a small, weird little thing and nudge her towards the general dining area. “Where are our seats?”

Damsa jerks her head in the direction. It’s a place for two, by the music. I stride there with all my might, using all the grace and speed of someone whose legs look suspiciously like a stork’s, and put my jacket on my chair. When she comes over, I pull her chair like a gent. She laughs and looks me in the eye.

Her hand touches my arm just slightly. I nod and lean back. Alcohol will help - and I also have great company. My mother can go fuck herself.

Food tastes divine, as does alcohol. Portokalópita offers a nice touch of our traditional oranges. Damsa and I laugh, talk, get a little drunk even. 

Maybe Vestra isn’t so bad sometimes. 

[rabbithaver]

oh i should probably share our travel plans here so you guys know what's going on!

the main thing: we're going back home to Colorado for a little while!

real quick, here's some background because i actually have a bunch of new followers and i want to catch them up. shortly after New Years, we learned that my grandma's cancer came back, and it's terminal. she's since been moved out of her house and into hospice care in the same assisted living facility as my grandpa. on January 28, we drove 520 miles from home in Colorado to West Point, Utah.

now, when we asked how much time she had left, we were told maybe two weeks. that was a month ago. we're still here in Utah, but my mom is running out of paid time off. fortunately my grandma's condition has stabilized enough that we are able to go home for a little while!

this past Monday, my dad flew back home to Colorado. tomorrow he's going to drive here and stay for a few days to help us pack and clean. provided that the weather on I-80 remains clear, we'll be driving back home on Monday, March 10.

this trip has been... very strange for me, honestly. this is the longest i have ever spent away from home. i am so happy that we're here and that i've been able to see my grandparents and extended family so much, but at the same time, it's really hard to see my grandma slowly but steadily declining. i've never lost a family member this close to me before; my dad's parents died when he was just a teenager. as a result, my maternal grandparents are the only ones i've ever known.

on the other hand, i've also had a lot of fun. we were introduced to a new local pizza place we all really like. i re-read Dungeon Meshi with my mom, and was so happy to be able to share the ending of that amazing story with her. i've gotten to hang out with one of my closest online friends from the Bumblekast server not only once, but twice! i beat the first Sonic game twice, too, and got both endings. my parents and i went to Antelope Island again — as a history nerd with a passion for the Victorian era, the Fielding Garr Ranch on the island was incredibly cool. we got to visit the Utah State Railroad Museum in Ogden during the model railroad festival, and while there i got to see some really fucking sick historic locomotives (as a train autistic this was huge for me.) i got to hold and cuddle the neighbors' three adorable white baby bunnies.

it's just... it's been very bittersweet for me. and because of the lack of internet here, i haven't been around as much. i've had to confront a lot of my own emotions because of that, which has been both good and bad.

i don't know. this post is getting kind of long, so i'll just say that i am happy to be going back home. i'm excited to hold my bunnies and pet my kitty again... i really, really, really miss Oreo and Squiggles especially. i do love it here, i really do — i can go outside any time i want and pet cats, and if i go out behind the barn, i can pet horses and feed them grass. the mountains are absolutely breathtaking. this house is filled with memories, but it isn't home to me. if there's one thing i've learned during my time here, it's that i could never live in Utah long-term. Colorado is truly where my heart lies.

[a1307s]

Companion #2

(Bart Allen)

[Art is not mine! Credit to battysketches]

Requested by: Feketealkony16

Keys:

Y/N: Your Name

Word Count: 5,760

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

None

——————————————————————

My companion and I have been spending a lot of time together over the past couple of weeks. We have a nice routine that makes me calm. I like knowing what is going to happen, and with Bart, I always know when stuff is going to happen and how it's going to happen.

However, recently Bart has insisted on sleeping in my bed with me at night. I'm not sure why but he keeps asking me, so I finally said yes last night. It's weird waking up with him in my bed. I'm not sure what to do. Usually, I get up and shower before breakfast, and then Bart makes us pancakes. Am I supposed to do that today too?

I shift in bed so I'm sitting against the board in the front. Bart stirs a bit, rolling over so his head is buried between my thigh and the bedding. He stays still for a second before shifting again, his head staying in place but his arm resting against my hips. For whatever reason, Bart has started touching me a lot. He seems to like touching my hips, but again, I'm not sure why.

Usually, I don't like people other than Conner touching me. I do like Bart touching me too though. I like the little sparks that bounce off of him when he's excited. I did end up asking Artemis about the electric sparks and she said Wally does it too when he gets really happy. She also said that Wally doesn't know it's happening because he's used to electricity running threw him so it's hard for him to tell when it's being transferred to something or someone else. I'm pretty sure it's the same for my companion.

Once again, Bart shifts, this time he props himself up so I can see his face, but his arm stays put. When his eyes blink open, sparks start bouncing off of him and colliding against my hips. He is happy, good. "G'morning," He mumbles, a sleepy smile on his face as he looks up at me.

"Good morning," I say back, turning my head away from him. My chest always feels tight when Bart smiles at me. I asked Batgirl about it, and she said it sounds like I have a crush on Bart. I don't know what a crush is, but she explained it as me liking him. Of course, I like him, he's my companion. If I didn't like him, he wouldn't be my companion. Duh.

"Y/N," Bart whines, tightening his hold on me as he buries his head between my hip and his arm. "Look at me!" I obey, turning back to him. His head pokes out as he keeps it rested on us. His smile widens, the sleepiness draining from his face. "Good morning, Mamas."

That is new. I don't know if it's good new. It makes me tingle, but not the tingling I get from the electricity leaving Bart, it's a different tingle. "Good morning," I repeat, once again turning away from him. I think it's a good tingle. It makes me feel like I want my companion to touch me more.

As if he can read my mind, Bart wraps his other arm behind my back, tugging me some so more of himself is on top of my lap. His head is shifted to my other leg, his heart being pressed into my thigh as he lays across me. Recently, when I get overwhelmed - that's the new word Black Canary taught me last week; she says it explains me getting upset about the lights and my emotions - I've been listening to Bart's heartbeat instead of Conner's.

"Why won't you look at me?" He asks, his hands rubbing my hips as he cuddles himself up on my legs. He reminds me of a cat doing this. Sometimes Garfield will transfer into a cat and lay on me, so I'll pet him.

"You make my chest hurt when I look at you too long," I mumble, glancing down at him.

"Oh," He murmurs, his face scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean it hurts?"

I scan around my room, trying to find anything other than him to look at. "I don't know... it just... feels tight sometimes."

"Oh," Bart repeats, his tone a lot happier this time. "My chest does that too. Usually when you laugh." Maybe Bart likes me too. I hope so or else I'd be a bad companion. Am I a bad companion to Bart? I hope not. I want to make him happy.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, his hands no longer rubbing my bones and instead gently pushing the hem of my pajama shirt up. A small sliver of my skin shows, which seems to be holding Bart's attention as he pushes his fingertips into it. I don't think I like that, but I do like the feeling of the sparks against a new part of my skin.

"I don't know what to do," I murmur, watching Bart as he watches his fingers roll over my skin. Maybe I do like it, and it's just making me nervous because it's new.

I don't like new things and there's a lot of them happening right now. Bart sleeping in my bed all night, Bart waking up in my bed this morning, and now Bart touching my bare stomach. He's slept in my bed before because we've taken naps together, but he usually spends the night in his bed. Since we've taken naps before, we've woken up in each other's beds, but our naps are usually only an hour or so and never after eight at night. He's also touched me in a lot of places: my arms, my thighs, my back, and even my stomach. The only bare skin he's ever touched is my hands, arms, and face though.

"What do you mean you don't know what to do?" He asks, pushing my shirt up a little more as his fingers slide over my sides, right above my hips. His eyes stay attached to his fingers as if it takes a lot of focusing to touch my skin. Maybe it does. I've only touched the same skin he's touched on me; well before today anyway. I don't see why it would take so much focus though.

"Well, usually I'm in the shower by now, but I'm not. I'm still in bed, with you touching me."

Bart's fingers stop moving, staying put on my side as he looks up at me. I make myself look down, focusing on his eyes as I try to breathe the tightness out of my chest. It's not the tightness I'm used to having around Bart. It's the tightness I would get after I knew I failed a test. "Do you not like me touching you?"

I think about it for a minute, like Canary has told me to do. She's told me just because I feel uneasy about something doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. It just means I'm worried about what is going to happen. "It makes me worry," I finally answer, looking away from Bart again. My breathing hasn't helped with my lungs.

"About what?" He asks, sliding soft circles into me. I can still feel his eyes on the side of my face, which doesn't help my thinking.

"Why you're touching me. If you want me to touch you. If you expect anything from me because you're touching me."

Bart stays silent, the only sounds filling my ears being his heart and lungs, along with the soft sound of our skin running against each other. "Well, I'm touching you because I like how you feel... That sounds creepy," he falls quiet again, spacing out a bit. "I'm touching you because it's how I show and how I feel that someone cares. I would like you to touch me back, but you never have to do anything you don't want to when I'm around. If you don't want to touch me, then don't, I won't be mad."

I roll his words over for a bit before looking down at him. "Where would you like me to touch you?" Hopefully, it's somewhere okay, like his hair. I really want to touch his hair.

"A few places. You can touch me wherever you're comfortable touching. I won't be mad no matter what you decide." Once again, I roll the words over in my head. Does he think that I think he's mad? I slowly move my hands to his head, letting them rest for a beat before I slide my hands through his locks. They're soft against my fingers, causing waves of calmness to start to sprout.

We sit like this for a while, Bart rolling circles into different parts of my stomach, and me playing with his hair. I start trying to braid it, like I've seen M'gann do to Cassie's hair, but Bart's hair isn't long enough to make a good braid.

After a bit, Bart shifts, sitting up in bed across from me. "I'm going to take a shower," he starts, tilting his head some as he looks over my face. "Do you want to take a shower with me?"

"No," I yap out, panic quickly eating away at the calmness that was previously present.

"Okay, you don't have to," he says softly as he slowly reaches his hand towards me. I stay still, petrified with fear despite his present smile that usually makes my chest tight, not fearful. His hand is gentle as he places it against my cheek, his thumb gently sliding against my skin. For whatever reason, this is another thing Bart likes to do.

"Please go away," the fear pushes out of me before I can stop it. I don't like this, I don't like him touching me, and I don't like Bart anymore. He's a scary companion. He's going to hurt me.

     Bart's smile drops a bit, but is still present, and still scary. "Okay," he says softly, dropping his touch from me before sliding off my bed. I stay put as I watch him walk into the bathroom.

Once the door is shut behind him, I shoot up from bed and make my way out of my room. I do not feel happy, I do not feel nice, I do not feel good. All of can think about is my pod and Luther and pain.

I need to find Birdman so he can call Canary. I need to talk to her. I do not like feeling scared, and I really don't like feeling scared of Bart. He's my companion, he's supposed to make me feel good, feel loved, feel safe, someone I'm supposed to trust. I do not feel any of that. I feel scared of him, scared of him seeing me. Why would he want to see me like that? Why would he want to take a shower with me? Does he want to hurt me? What test did I fail?

My mind is a fog, my breathing feeling labored, and my nervous shaking as I race into the living room. I can hear Conner trying to get my attention, but I ignore him. "Nightwing?" I call, walking up to the team leader who's tucked into a corner of the kitchen. I tug on the arm of his shirt, pulling his attention down to me with a soft hum. "We need to go on a walk."

————————————

Canary is sitting across from me, her body language open and her pen and pad ready to write down what I say. I open my mouth again to try and explain this morning but once again, nothing comes out. "Take your time, Y/N, the league knows I'm not on call, so we have all day to figure this out," her words are soft, like always.

I like Canary, she is nice, and patient, and helps me with all my thoughts and feelings. When I first started talking with her, she told me she used to and still does help Conner - and other heroes - with the same thing so it's okay that I ask for her help.

"Bart keeps asking to sleep in my bed at night," I finally push out, shifting my gaze around the room. Even though it feels nice to talk to her and I feel safe with Canary, it still feels overwhelming to talk about stuff sometimes.

"Yes, we talked about it at our last session, do you remember what you said about it?"

     I think about it for a moment, trying to remember. "I said that I don't know how I feel about it." Canary stays quiet, her eyes soft as she looks at me. "He asked again last night, and I said yes."

"Why did you say yes? Did you want to say yes, or did you say yes so he'd stop asking?"

I think about it for a moment, trying to relive the moment and the emotions I had during the discussion with Bart. "I felt... happy when he asked. I thought it would be nice. I like our naps so I figured it would just be a really long nap. That's why I said yes. I like it when I go to sleep next to Bart, it makes me feel... like I'm important to him. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, it makes sense," Canary says, bringing some relief to me as she scribbles in her notes. "How was it? Before bed? When you were getting ready to sleep and when you laid down for the night?"

Once again, I think about it, trying to relive the memory. "I was already ready for bed when Bart showed up. We watched a movie - it was about some talking cars - and we sat next to each other, with Bart's arm around my hips. He keeps touching my hips. Why is he doing that?"

"I'm not hundred percent sure because I'm not Bart. Why do you think he does it?" I hate when she does this. When she makes it obvious she knows the answer but won't tell me what the answer is. It's supposed to 'encourage my thoughts and feelings to get to find the answer' which is stupid. If I knew the answer I wouldn't have asked the question.

"I don't know."

"I think you do, you're just scared of the answer." Maybe Canary isn't as nice as I thought.

I think over the question for a while, nothing but space in between Canary and me. "Well, today Bart said he likes how I feel, and then said he sounded creepy so he changed his answer to something about showing care and being shown it, I don't know."

Once again, the older hero stays silent, scribbling away at her notes. "Repeat that." This is really stupid.

"Bart said he likes how-"

"Not that part, the last part." Why did I ask to talk to Canary? This is a waste of time.

"His answer was something about showing care and feeling cared for," I repeat, my anger bubbling with my words.

"Again," she orders, not helping the growing frustration.

"Bart said he likes touching me because it's how he shows he cares and how he feels that he is cared about - oh..." Maybe Canary isn't stupid, and maybe I don't like the answer. Why would Bart care about me? I know he's supposed to since he's my companion and all, but other than supposedly having to, why does he?

There's a soft smile on her face as she looks at me. "See? You did know the answer, you just needed help putting the pieces together. What was the rest of the night like?"

"I don't know. We laid down after the movie and went to sleep."

"Was Bart touching you when you went to sleep?"

Why does that matter? "Yes, he had his arms around my hips and back like he did this morning."

"Why do you think he did that?"

I think about it for a moment. "Because... he was showing he cares...?"

Canary hums a yes as she nods in agreement. "People feel cared for in different ways. Some people - like Robin - feel cared for when people get them stuff like coffee, love letters, or even something as simple as a rock. Other people - like Bart - feel cared for when they're touched like hugs, kisses, and holding hands. Most of the time people show they care in the same way they feel cared for."

"Are those the only ways to feel cared for? I don't like any of those things."

Canary smiles softly again, before speaking. "There are five love languages. The two we already talked about are called receiving gifts and physical touch. There are acts of service like Batgirl helping Nightwing with paperwork. Words of affirmation is another one, stuff like being told you're doing good-"

"Ew," I say before I can stop myself. "I hate when Nightwing and Conner do that."

Canary nods, propping her head up with her arm. "Your love language is quality time. Stuff like napping with Bart or sitting with him when he plays his video games." I nod, the same way Canary does, as I roll her words around my head. I feel bad for thinking she was stupid, she's smart. "So, the time before sleeping was good, how was the actual sleeping?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, my confusion washing away all the understanding I had a second ago. I think this is why I don't like talking to Canary sometimes. She's good at making stuff make sense, and then ruining it the next time she asks a question.

"Did you sleep through the night?"

"Oh, I woke up a few times. I'd panic for a while before I realized it was Bart."

Back to silence, sounds of breathing and Canary's pen filling the space between us once again. "How'd this morning go?" She finally asks, being the one to break the silence again.

"I woke up confused."

"Because Bart was there?"

"Yes and no," I answer, getting a head tilt from the lady across from me. That usually means I answered in a way she wasn't prepared for. "I was happy to see Bart when I woke up and I did finally remember he was supposed to be there but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should stick to my routine or not because waking up with him in my bed isn't part of my normal schedule."

"You don't do very well with change," She says softly like she does every time we discuss a change in my life.

"I know," I answer shortly, like always. "He ended up waking up shortly after and kept touching me again."

"Did you not like him touching you?"

"I didn't mind him touching me for most of it."

"And for the rest of it?"

I go silent again, replaying this morning in my head, trying to remember my thoughts and feelings in the moment. "Bart just... touched me differently I guess."

"Try rewording that." Occasionally Canary will say this, usually when she needs more context or doesn't understand what I'm saying.

"Bart... lifted my shirt. Not like a lot! Just a little bit, and kept touching my skin on my stomach and sides and I don't know," I rush out with a heavy tone, using my hands to model how much skin was showing. "It wasn't a lot," I repeat, a lot softer this time.

"Does it matter whether it was a little or a lot?"

Yes, it does. Why wouldn't it? "Different things happen depending on how much clothing is off. If it's a little bit it's just a check up and if it's a lot I get hurt."

Canary falls silent, pen still and her heart beats a bit faster. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. "Is that what happened when you were with Luther?" Her voice is a little uneven, but I'm surprised. Anytime we talk about how Luther used to hurt me her heartbeat picks up.

"Ya, it did. Do you think Bart would hurt me?"

Again, silence from the lady across from me, but her pen is at work this time and her heart is back to normal. "No one can be hundred percent sure someone else won't hurt anyone, but I do believe Bart wouldn't ever hurt you."

"Why?"

Silence. More silence, and then... some more silence. I hate how long Canary takes to answer my questions. "Has Conner talked to you about having a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

That's not an answer, that's another question. I think Canary just likes to make me angry. "He said I can love whoever I want to love, girlfriend or boyfriend."

She hums, no pen marks this time. "Do you know what a boyfriend or girlfriend is?" I shake my head no. I don't know what one is or the use of one. "A boyfriend or girlfriend is a lot like a friend. Do you know what a friend is?"

"A friend is someone you care about and trust and spend time with."

Another hum and another nod. "A boyfriend or girlfriend is kind of like that. A lot of the time, they start as friends or companions in your case, before a deeper relationship develops."

"I still don't see a difference."

"Well with a boyfriend or girlfriend, you tend to be more... physical. You do things like kiss among other things that you wouldn't do with a friend. Unlike a friend, you only have one and there's stuff you only do with them. Oh, and a boyfriend is a test run for a husband."

"What's a husband?"

"Let's save that discussion for after we get the boyfriend-girlfriend thing down."

"What's a girlfriend?" I ask finally, it's been three months since the first time I heard of it. The question has sat in my head ever since.

"Same as a boyfriend but it's a girl instead of a boy." Oh, that's simple. It makes me feel dumb for not figuring that out on my own. "Nightwing tells me you were having a panic attack when you came to find him."

"Panic attack?" I echo, confused about this and still confused about the whole boyfriend thing. I don't like feeling confused, it makes me angry and reminds me how little I know about the world because of Luther.

"Yes, it's when it's hard to breathe and you feel very scared, and it's hard to think straight because of your emotions. All you think about is your fear and what's causing it." Ya, I definitely had a panic attack earlier. "What happened right before you felt like that?"

I stay quiet, mentally going over the event. I know what happened. I remember all of this morning. I don't know why it makes me so scared. It shouldn't be scary for Bart to want my clothes off, right? Maybe it should be.

"Bart... he asked me to... he wanted to take a shower together," I stumble out, struggling on how to form my sentence.

"And that made you feel scared?"

I nod, propping my arms on my knees before burying my face into my hands. "Why would that make me feel scared? Why would it cause a panic attack?"

Like always, I have to wait for Canary to finish her writing and thoughts before she answers. From between my fingers, I watch as she leans forward, sitting in a similar pose to me. "I think that the idea of being without clothes around someone scares you because it reminds you of the things Luther has done to you. I also think that Bart believes he's your boyfriend. Have you two talked about that? Or kissed? Or anything else that you haven't done with another member of the team?"

The first half of Canary's speech makes sense. I understand that, I remember the fear I felt, the fear that before today, Luther was the only one to make me feel. The second half... not so much. Why would Bart think he's my boyfriend? We haven't kissed or anything else. We do things together, we spend time together, and we take naps.

"We haven't kissed and we haven't talked about him being my boyfriend. We hold hands but I do that with Conner as well. We take naps together too but again I do that with Conner."

"It's different with Conner. There's stuff you do and say with family that you wouldn't do with a friend." That doesn't make any sense either. My head hurts from all this thinking and I'm getting angry. I have more questions than answers. This isn't helping.

"People are confusing," I mumble, rubbing my face before sitting up straight.

Canary stays put, giving me another soft smile. I'm really starting to not like it when she smiles at me. "How about we stop for the day, ya? I'll come back and we can talk again tomorrow."

"What do I do about Bart?" I ask as she stands up and starts collecting her things.

It takes a second - like usual - for Canary to answer. "I think you should have a serious talk with him. See if he thinks he's your boyfriend. See if you want him to be your boyfriend. If you're happy with the talk, have another sleepover. If you're not, stay away from him today and we'll look into and talk about finding you another friend."

I don't want another friend. I want Bart. I want to keep him all to myself. For a long time, if not forever. Maybe I shouldn't want to keep him. Maybe that's me being possessive like Wolf gets about Conner and me. Conner always yells at Wolf about it so it has to be a bad thing, right? I need to find Bart and talk to him. Maybe he'll help my thoughts. Hopefully, he'll help my thoughts. As long as he doesn't make them worse.

————————————

My head is scattered when I walk back into my room. After my session with Canary, I went on a walk and then continued to walk, for two hours. Instead of helping, it just messed up my thoughts more. Canary didn't help, she just made me more confused.

Like earlier today, Conner calls for me as I walk through the living room. Once again, I ignore him. Conner tries to help with my thoughts but usually, he just confuses me or gets angry because he doesn't understand either.

A bit of relief runs through my veins when I swing my bedroom door open, but it's soon washed away. Laid out on my bed is my red-tinted companion, who instantly sits up when he hears the door open. "Y/N," he calls, jumping to his feet. "Are you okay? Nightwing said you had a panic attack. Did I cause it? What happened? Where have you been? Did I upset you? Did-"

"Please be quiet," I murmur, looking at my shoes as I try to push down my feelings. I'm upset that I made Bart worry, I'm upset that I can't control my fear, and I'm upset that Bart won't be quiet so I can answer his questions.

Surprisingly, Bart does silence. I can feel his eyes digging into me as I focus on my shoelaces. One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten... Maybe taking deep breaths and counting does help. "I am fine. I did have a panic attack, but it's fine. You did but didn't cause it. A lot has happened today. I was with Nightwing and then Canary and then I went on a walk. You did but didn't, once again."

"How did I both cause and not cause your panic attack? How did I cause and not cause you to be upset?" I glance at Bart, his face scrunched up and his eyes are pink. I decide to focus on the wall behind him instead. I don't like knowing I caused him to cry.

"You... I didn't... I don't like new and there was a lot of new this morning." My words stick in my throat a few times before I manage to get them out.

"I don't understand."

I sigh, glancing at his face again. His eyes are teary, making my heart feel like it's being squeezed. I don't want him upset, I want him happy, I'm supposed to make him happy. "I... liked you waking up in my bed. It feels... it makes me feel important."

"You are important. Very important to me, actually." Maybe my thoughts aren't always wrong. Why am I so important though? I don't do anything to be important. I definitely don't do anything to be important to Bart.

"The..." I stop for a second, running my fingers under my shirt. "That was fine. It was okay, but it made me a bit scared. Then you... kept touching me and... it makes me scared. Really, really scared." Bart steps forward a bit before stopping, causing himself to stand in an awkward half-leaning forward, half-staying put pose. "And... and then you asked to take a shower together and... all I could think about was you wanting to hurt me, about Luther hurting me."

Bart knows a lot about my time with Luther. He doesn't know the details like Canary and Conner do, but he knows about the tests, about the chocolate, about the hurting. He doesn't know about the on and off clothes, so I don't think it's fair that I'm upset with him. It's not fair for me to have a panic attack because of it. It's not fair that I make it seem like his fault.

"I didn't... I'm sorry," he mumbles, fixing himself so he finishes his step forward.

"It's not your fault. Luther hurt me, not you. It's not your fault. I just... I can't say no."

Bart takes slow steps forward, stopping right in front of me. His cheeks are wet. I made him cry. I don't want to make him cry. "I am sorry I kept touching you. I should have stopped when you told me you were worried. I know you... struggle with new things so I shouldn't have pushed anything new onto you this morning. I'm sorry."

His words feel nice. They make me feel calm. Silence envelopes us, it's not the usual gentle silence though, it's a heavy silence. "Do you think you're my boyfriend?"

Bart tilts his head some, his eyebrows pressing together in confusion. "Yes? Why are you asking? Do you not think I'm your boyfriend?"

Why would I think he's my boyfriend? I don't even know what a boyfriend is. Even with Canary's explanation, I'm still confused. "Canary told me that she thinks that you think you're my boyfriend. At the end of our session, she said to talk to you and see what you think and see if I want you to be my boyfriend. She also said if I'm happy with our talk to have another sleepover and if I'm unhappy to stop talking to you, which made me angry."

"I... have a lot of questions," Bart mumbles, confusion deeper on his face. "First, do you not know what a boyfriend is?"

"Not really. Canary said it was someone you are more physical with, and you kiss them, and you only have one, and something about a husband."

"Okay," he says, blinking his eyes a few times. "Um... a boyfriend is someone you love a lot. You do kiss them too and you do... other things that aren't important right now. It's someone you want to spend the rest of your life loving." Oh, that makes a lot more sense than what Canary said. "Why were you upset when Canary said to stop talking to me?"

Bart is dumb, and unlike Canary, he is actually dumb. "Because you're important. You're my companion. I want to keep you forever and I don't want anyone else to have you." Bart smiles at this but I'm not sure why. "But Conner yells at Wolf for being possessive so I don't think I'm supposed to feel like that."

Bart's smile gets bigger as he lets out an airy laugh. "Conner yells at Wolf because he growls when people get too close to you and when Conner spars. That's completely different from what you're feeling. You don't growl at people or threaten to hurt them if they talk or come near me." Oh... that makes a lot of sense.

"So, you're my boyfriend?"

"Do you want me to be your boyfriend?"

"Yes," I say, nodding in agreement to my statement.

"Do you actually want to spend the rest of your life with me or are you scared to say no?"

"I actually want to spend my life with you." It makes me sad even thinking about someone else getting to have Bart. He's supposed to be my companion.

Once again, Bart's smile grows as he looks at me. "Good, because I want to be your boyfriend."

"So, you're my boyfriend."

"So, I'm your boyfriend." The word sounds weird but nice.

"I still don't know what the difference between a boyfriend and a friend is though."

"We'll figure it out together, okay?" He says, slowly moving closer. "And we'll move slowly so you don't get scared again, and I'll start asking before I touch you, okay? Does that sound good?"

"Yes, it sounds very good. I'm sorry for upsetting you."

Bart goes to put his hands on my hips but freezes with them hovering over me. "Can I touch you?" I nod yes. "Do you actually want me to touch you or are you scared to tell me no right now?"

"I actually want you to touch me."

Once the words are out, Bart's hands are present on my hips, once again rubbing soft circles into me, over my clothes this time. "You don't need to be sorry. I scared you. I pushed too hard this morning. I should have talked to you instead of assuming you were okay with me touching you. I shouldn't have assumed I was your boyfriend. From now on we will talk about stuff more, okay? Maybe we can talk to Canary about doing couples therapy so we can work on making this work, ya?"

"Ya, I like that idea."

"I like that idea too." I have a boyfriend. Bart is my boyfriend. I get to keep Bart forever.

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

[invisibleraven]

Keeping Spirits Bright

Day 20: Goal + Wiggie <=AO3

Honestly it isn't Christmas without more of my I Am The Willies verse is it?

If you were to ask Willie, his favourite thing on Earth (after Reggie of course), is Christmas. 

He loves the corny specials, the food, the tree, the snow, and most of all, the presents. Not getting them-though he does enjoy that aspect-he loves giving them. 

Which is hard when your human boyfriend tells you that he has everything he needs right here while cuddling you when you ask what he wants. It’s a sweet thought, but Willie can’t exactly wrap himself and put it under the tree. 

Well…maybe not under the tree…

But that still isn’t a real present, and this year, he wants it to be special. He’s been on this planet for five years now, and it seems like that’s worth celebrating. He knows Reggie has some plan-their anniversary had been quiet and romantic, the both of them agreeing that they wanted to do something big for Christmas. 

So what does Willie get the person who is responsible for him staying here? He wonders if the message he sent to the elders back on his planet has reached them yet-no one has sent one back or come to get him but time is a funny thing, especially with space travel so he can never really tell how long he’s been gone. 

He knows he needs to get socks-wooly socks have become a staple for him and Reggie. But they’ve bought pretty much every design the little old ladies in town sell, and Willie prefers homemade to mass produced. Maybe if he asks Miss Beulah she might do something for him? 

“Well how about I teach you?” she offers. “Your young man will appreciate it all the more if it comes from you.” 

So now Willie has a goal-learn to knit competently enough to produce a pair of socks by Christmas. 

It is an uphill battle at first-he does not get the difference between knit and purl, and his hands feel extra clumsy holding the needles. But Beulah has the patience of a saint, and guides him until he has a few decent rows. 

From then on, Willie practises whenever he has a chance and Reggie isn’t around. Sometimes hiding out in the hayloft to hang out with the cows while the needles click and clack. 

His first effort is a disaster, so he gives the jumble of yarn to Jinx, the barn cat to play with. He’s tempted to give efforts two through four to the chickens-for as much as they’ve come to tolerate each other he will still never like them. But if they got sick or hurt he’d never forgive himself, so Jinx gets enough yarn to practically make a bed of the stuff. 

Finally, on attempt six he gets it, making a decent pair of socks, showing them off to Beulah with pride. She gives him a pat on the head and gives him a new skein of yarn-red and black to match Reggie’s favourite flannel. 

“I love you Miss Beulah,” he declares. 

“Of course you do dear, now have some more cookies and tea before we start.” 

Miss Beulah's grandkids are up in Oregon, and they barely ever visit her, so Willie doesn’t have a problem being her surrogate grandkid. He’s come a long way from when he first arrived; getting overwhelmed by the little town. He still isn’t great in crowds, but the older ladies have all but adopted him, and he has lots of fun goofing off with the kids he sees whenever he goes into town. It’s…nice that he’s made a place for himself here. Plus it means all the cookies he can eat since all the ladies love to spoil him, and some have even shared their recipes so he can make them for Reggie. 

He’s already got a plan for an excellent Christmas morning breakfast, now all he needs is to finish these socks. 

Christmas morning dawns cold and with a layer of frost over the ground-not quite snow, but Willie will take what he can get. He gets up before Reggie-it’s rare that he sleeps in, so Willie is going to let him today. He lets Rosie out to frolick, and tends to the animals, he’s got the routine down pat by now. 

Brush down the horses and give them fresh hay-though today he slips them all an apple or two, because they deserve presents too right? He milks the cows, making sure they have lots to eat, and smooches Petunia on her snout-she’s his favourite after all. 

The pigs are a new addition this year; Willie still isn’t sure what to make of them, but he feeds and waters them regardless, delighting in their little squeals of thanks. He always leaves the chickens for last-gathering their eggs and scattering feed as fast as he can-he’d been pecked one too many times to linger. 

Then it’s back inside, Rosie nipping at his heels and he gives her an affectionate pat before filling her food bowl and starting on breakfast. Reggie joined them soon after, lured by the smell of coffee and pancakes. The fire was lit, the tree was twinkling, and with full bellies, they went to do presents. 

Willie all but shoved Reggie’s gifts at him-there’s the usual practical gifts, plus sweets and the fancy hardcover edition of Reggie’s favourite book that he would never indulge himself with. But then he comes to the squishy package and his face lit up. “Are these my socks?” 

“How did you know?” Willie asked, voice full of despair. 

“Because we always give each other socks?” Reggie replied, tilting his head with confusion. 

“Oh right, of course.” 

Reggie shook his head, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Never change spaceman.” Then he ripped open the paper, cooing with delight over the colours, the softness of the wool. “Beulah outdid herself.” 

“I made them.” 

“What?” 

“I learned to knit from Miss Beulah and made those for you,” Willie repeated. “I thought it would be a nice gesture-full of love.” 

Reggie looked at the socks, then at Willie. “Marry me.” 

Willie giggled. “They aren’t that good!” 

Reggie shook his head, then pulled a tiny box from far under the tree, tore the paper off, and presented it to Willie, urging him without words to open it. Willie gasped as he saw the thin gold band engraved with constellations . Looking at Reggie who was waiting patiently, his face full of hope. And Willie could do nothing but nod, sobbing as the ring slid onto his finger. 

He didn’t even care about his other presents-but he did make sure to open the socks that he was sure Miss Beulah knitted on the sly-because they matched Reggie’s perfectly, and it was that shot, of their matching socks in front of the fire, his hand held out to show off his ring that he sent her, wondering if he could convince her to knit them some wedding socks for next year. 

Willie was fairly certain she would be more than happy to oblige. 

[ttptsd]

Hi, Tumblr. Hi, beautiful people. I know I never come on here anymore. I hope you are breathing. I hope you are hugging your loved ones and cuddling your pets and holding space.

I need somewhere to say this and I deleted my Twitter a while back. I was very active on Tumblr when I was very religious. I was well known as a queer Christian on here. I'm now, years later, no longer religious at all, leaning very hard towards agnostic but basically atheist, tbh. I don't think there is a God or afterlife or anything. I think there is just us, and now, and each other, and the earth, and empathy. It is times like this when I think that the most. My spirituality, of any kind if you call it that, is simply finding love and joy in every day and connecting to the nature and the comfort in the fact that I'll return to it one day, when I die. That we all do. The circle of life and humanity and feeling very beautiful things and becoming dirt, then grass, then perhaps deer one day. Because nothing is created or destroyed, even eons from now, my energy, my atoms, may be a deer or a bird or something else. It won't matter what, but it will be beautiful. And no matter who we voted for, or what we believe, we will all be dirt again one day.

I will also take a second to give an update on my personal life, since it's been a long time. I will tell you all I'm single, living with my cats, enjoying my life thoroughly. After a several year long job hunt, I finally got a "real" job as a fundraising & events coordinator at a really good nonprofit. For the first time in my entire 20s, I'm able to breathe when it comes to money. I've been working there just over a month and I love it so much, I am so so happy. I'm still also running my freelance business as a side hustle and growing deeply closer to my family and friends, the people I hug and cherish each day. I'm going to the gym, my skin is good, my sleep is the best it's ever been.

And to me, again, that's my spirituality. It's joy and friendship and sitting in restaurants laughing. It's doing good, meaningful work, and getting an okay paycheque for it. It's feeling like I'm finally on the right path in my life, after a few hard years, after some trauma in the past two years. I say this also to remind you that life is not just about the big picture, it's also about the little things, the day to day, the way we find comfort in ourselves and our loved ones. The way we heal and find empathy and hold each other, that is the most important thing. I know life is hard, but we do not stop finding hope in it, no matter what.

I heard this on a podcast once and for some reason it has stuck with me and is oddly comforting in hard times: "How you feel and what is happening are not always the same thing."

If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know. I'm here for you and with you.

Please enjoy these pictures of my cats in this trying time.

[megan017]

More hound dog please? (I ask the same way a Victorian child would ask for more supper)

Keep in mind that I am trying to not make Ryo look like a dog (personality wise). Yeeees, does have a dog mouth and his smelling and hearing ability is like a dog's, he also can't talk (like a human) when he's angry BUT he has a human body from neck down. Human hands, no tail, possibly fully human like legs. Therefore I would say he doesn't really have animal tendencies, maybe an occasional out of random growl here and there, I am not sure about my view of his personality yet. But why am I yapping about this? Well... mainwhile I think he acts human most of the time, I would also like to think he has his moments when he acts a bit like a dog (just like I act like a cat sometimes [I swear I'm not a furry {I am not against furries btw, like bruh, I am simping for some, e.g.: Hound Dog-}])

Now that we cleared this up-

One more thing-, I would like to think of the reader as someone who works as a psychologist or maybe is into I.T. (self insert, no surprises here I guess-), just dropping this info, but no worries, I don't think I would often (heavily) refer to the reader's job, so imagine whatever you want.

Now really-

--------------------------------

Finally, the day was near again. What day, you may ask? The day of the week when both you and Ryo had nothing to do and could enjoy whatever the day had to offer, together. But this precious occasion was going to be held tomorrow. For now, both of you decided to relish in the present...

Laying on your sides, your back turned to him, one of Ryo's hands snugly placed around your waist, the other just a bit below your chest, his head in the crook of your neck, enjoying how you were stratching, patting his head so nicely with your free hand, which was comfortably bent to reach out to him behind you. You just got ready for bed and after a long week day decided to spend some time cuddling, before the oh so well deserved sleep, which was rare thank to work.

However, the weight of work you've done this week hit you like a train and you felt becoming more and more tired by each passing second. Your eyelids becoming heavy, making you feel like opening your already closed eyes would be impossible, your hand in Ryo's hair slowly stopping its motions, falling to your side then slipping to the front of your body. He felt your hold on him turning light as a feather before it dissapeared and he heard the soft thud of your hand against the mattress.

Missing your touch, he decided to be a bit selfish, as he sometimes did, and started slightly nudging you, rubbing his face into your neck as a sign for you to continue, tighting his hold on you just a bit. After a few seconds passing without you giving him any response, he decided to open an eye and check on you, coming to a realization that you fell asleep. He scoffed, of course not loud enough to wake you up, then put his head back to rest in the crook of your neck.

----------------------------------------------

"You could have warned me before suddenly denying me the pleasure of your touch, my dear." As he closed his eyes, he snuggled into your neck one last time. "You are right, though. We shall rest after such a week. It is well deserved for both of us." - he said with a sigh and let himself join you in the land of dreams. He will get more affection when both of you, or even if just you, are well rested anyway.

Many people would call him aggressive, hot headed, weird even, but only because they haven't gotten the chance to get to know him well yet. Sure, he might be rough on the edges, sometimes hard to understand, but for the people he cares about and loves, it's a whole different story of course.

It's short and also he might be OOC, I'm sorry-😭

-🤍Megan❤️

[ja50nt0ddwa5h3r3]

Have you ever imagined Alley Cat in the scenarios of other movies and shows?

*Wheeze* Have I ever *trails off* Oh. Serious question.

SPOILERS FOR (in order): - Criminal Minds season Eight - The Flash season One - Disturbing Behavior

Lets start with episode twelve of season eight of Criminal Minds: Zugzwang Quick summary of the episode/following episodes: Spencer Reid, a Behavioral Analyst for the FBI. He is slightly paranoid that he may have schizophrenia (like his mother) and so he frequently calls in to talk about his symptoms. He finds out that Maeve Donovan, the doctor/specialist he's been talking to has been being stalked for a long time. Blah blah blah, stalker kidnaps her, Reid freaks, solves puzzles to save her, SHE GETS KILLED BECAUSE STALKER KILLED THEMSELVES AND HER TOO, and Reid has a vicious mourn session.

I wanna see Jason crying over Adrien's dead body because Marinette or Chloe or some other person was so obsessed over him. I wanna see Tim hugging Jason because he knew that Jason doesn't love just anyone, and that Jason was hard to love back. I want Bruce to be supportive of his son dating a guy he only met because he made a few calls to the hospital. Yes, I want Adrien to work as a Neurologist. Has my dude ever said what he wanted to do? No. He's a neurologist. I want to see Jason mournfully informing everyone Adrien knew of his death and then beating Gabriel up for not caring. I want to see Jason struggle past drug use. I want to see Jason pull himself from the field because he can't save everyone, and while he knew that, it hurts so much more, because he thought he could. I want to see him BEG Talia to throw Adrien's attacker into the Lazarus Pit so that he himself can kill them brutally. I want to see autistic anxious mess chess lover Jason mourn a love he never really got to see. Because yes, Jason's first time ever seeing Adrien's face was when it was at gunpoint for the final time.

Secondly, episode eight of season one of The Flash: Flash vs. Arrow

This one's mostly just crack. I want to see Jason have magical rage and try to beat Adrien's Red Hood Hater of a friend up. Does it work? Nah, Chat Noir stops him, happy ending, maybe some cuddles. I don't have near as much thoughts as I do with the first one, unfortunately.

Lets try our hand at a movie, Disturbing Behavior Our little summary is this: New girl at isolated school, cliques and stuff, suddenly everyone's a stickler for the rules. Why? Implants. Why? MCR Explained it well enough. Here's the thing. Teenagers are horny. When the implanted kids have any sexual impulses, they murder the object of their affections. The island becomes a death trap for this girl, her new friend, and her other new friend. Other new friend 100% gets implanted because writers are predictable. They get off the island, other new friend somehow escapes, but we don't get a sequel.

I want to see Adrien move to a Gotham school and watch it lose it's shit. I want Hatter to somehow worm his way into teaching at Gotham Academy because he's... I'm not going to go there, and kids starting to RANDOMELY turn around on their heels from delinquent to teacher's pet to murderer overnight. I want to see Tim (skipped a few grades) be Adrien's friend (Insert Jason as love interest because I loooove a good protective older bro Jason), and Bernard, Mr. Conspiracy theorist, is other friend. Yes, other friend, the one who does weed and then gets implanted. I want to see them struggle to fight their friends in costume until they find out what's going on. I want to see a few of them kidnapped by Hatter (who was experimenting alongside Hugo Strange in Arkham) and narrowly escape. I want to see. Them. Get. Mind. Controlled. Kinda. Because I want the angst.

It's something AM, I'll reblog more when brain works.

[pbandjesse]

I had a pretty good day today. The sun was out and beautiful. And all things considered I slept well. Sylvia was fairly chill and calm from ten until one. And then went back down after being fed and then held for a little while. I am getting better at getting her to sleep I think. She would apparently sleep until 430 after James took over but they didn't but get much rest during that time. I know it's hard but I wish they could get those cat naps in. Their eyes looked a little blood shot today.

When I got up my stomach was hurting. My incision actually doesn't hurt to much, though blood still is dripping out if I press on it. But my actually insides hurt and I struggled to want to eat today because of it.

I didn't have to think about food though. Because after I was dressed and downstairs James already had an egg sandwich for me. Which I shared with sweetp.

But we have to back track a bit. Because I have to explain why the next thing happened. Last night after I came downstairs I was sitting and knitting in the couch. Listening to a video. When there is movement in the corner of my eye. And I see a cat coming out from under the robot chair. Not Sweetp!! A smaller tabby. I was like. Woah WTF who are you?? And my reaction made Sweetp come over and he then puffed up and chased the other cat upstairs. And I am standing in the kitchen hysterically laughing. How the heck did this cat get in here??? We haven't had the windows open for days! I go upstairs to try and keep the cat in one place. I got it in the guest room. And closed the door. I briefly woke James up because they needed to know about this. But this was a daylight problem. I put eyes on the cat, Sweetp didn't seem upset. I would figure it out in the morning.

So after breakfast we put Sweetp in the basement and I closed all the door upstairs and opened the backdoor. I brought treats up. I was nervous about getting hurt like when I had to get the rabies shots. But she was absolutely just a baby. She ate the treats out of my hands. She let me pet her and she pressed into me and ate more treats. I was able to carry her downstairs but she had James and jumped out of my arms and ran back upstairs. The second time coaxing took a little more time. But the sweet baby let me carry her outside. And she wasn't thrilled and cried out there for a little bit. I put some food out there for her but she pretty quickly jumped out fence to go somewhere else. I'm sorry we couldn't be her home, she was a sweet one for sure.

So that project was fun. But I was a little emotionally drained and after that just cuddled with Sylvia on the couch until it was time for us to go.

We all left here at 1130 to go to the museum so James could do some work and I could go to the union negotiations. I did not feel prepared. We were having a pre meeting but I was still so anxious. And that hasn't really stopped, except during the actual meeting.

I met Joe and Tia from the teamsters in the parking lot. Zella was already up in the meeting room. And it was a good meeting overall.

The first hour was just the union side. Talking through the proposals. I wish we had more time. But I felt good about my understanding.

But the next two hours I felt slightly less sure. Not that I don't think we should unionize. More I need to make sure that the non educator departments are being represented. Because they barley came up in discussions. I have some paperwork to write up to make a chart to try and explain it better. Even if it will mostly just help me be a better advocate.

I think I'm going to push for us to spend more time talking about part time people because I do think we are focusing on a possibility of full time rolls for educators to an inflated degree. When that is such a small percentage of what the voting block wants. But we'll be meeting again next month. So hopefully there is more clarity on all sides.

After we were done I let James know. They had finished their work and had gone for a walk with baby. Sylvia was the darling of the museum for a bit. Everyone saying how perfect she is. And she is. Like even when she's screaming and upset, she is only trying to communicate. And eventually she'll sleep better and we can all feel better. And if I keep saying it it will be true.

Zella walked with me to the car to see Sylvia. And I promised to send off a document soon. Though when I got home my laptop wouldn't turn on so I'm trying to charge it and hopefully nothing happened to it. I'll figure it out. Or use James's.

I was happy to be home. But my anxiety was still very bad. I would sit in the rocking chair next to the robot chair and just enjoyed looking at Sylvia. Who was awake and being a sweetie. But I wasn't feeling amazing inside. I tried to be positive.

James made me a baked potato for dinner. Accidently got oil on the heating element in the oven and made the smoke detectors go off. And the smoke gave me a headache. But it was fine. Sylvia slept through all the noise. I am just a little worried about how little she reacts to noise. I'll bring it up at her next appointment if I am still concerned.

After dinner we all hung out together. I read a baby book to Sylvia. Even though she was mostly asleep. And then went to take a shower.

My belly and head still hurt. But I'm happy in bed. Sylvia will get a bath tonight. And hopefully it's a chill one. I hate when she scream cries when we are getting her dressed.

But I am hoping for a chill evening in general.

Tomorrow our plan is to go to a local state park. It's going to be a bit rainy but I think it will still be fun. Just got to wear the right jacket.

I hope you all have a good night tonight. Sleep well. Stay safe

[marxthedumdum]

Imagine this: WERECAT STEVEN.

- He is based on the Maine Coon or Norwegian Forest cat breed. Or a Lykoi. Though probably Maine Coon. :) Or a lion. (Shrugs)

- His normal form is the same, his werecat form has the upper body (and tail) of an anthropomorphic Maine Coon cat! Only slightly taller. And scarier, because of the red eyes.

- ZOOMIES!! ZOOMIES EVERYWHERE!!!

- When he is grumpy, excited, or sad, his ears perk up.

- His hair connects and becomes fur. It's hard to tell where the mane ends and the cat body begins. Unless if you're Daisy, who grooms her husband on the regular (because she's a cat groomer. That's an actual job lol)

- Probably adopts a kid or adult (or both) from the street and turns them into a werecat or a catgirl. (Or cat beastman or cat demi-human lol)

- Meows whenever he wants attention. He baps and smites you if you mock his meows.

- I can imagine he roars. His roar is basically really loud and is a lion-like one, meaning a poor victim who hears it is gonna be too scared shitless to move, and it makes his job of smiting and/or turning his victim into a werecat/catgirl/cat demi-human/cat beastman MUCH easier!!

- Definitely turned Aria (Aerith), my OC (and possible secondary sona) into a werecat at some point.

- Daisy is probably a cat demi-human or cat beastman lol

- Swap!Daisy is probably a werecat who is based on the Lykoi. Swap!Steven is a cat demi-human/cat beastman who is an excellent knitter and gives her lots of sweaters and hugs and scarves and mittens and such just to keep wifey warm 💕💕💕

- MissingNo probably turned Steven into a werecat as part of the Ritual that brought Miki back....and now he seems to be some Alpha Werecat who can turn others into werecats or catgirls/catboys or cat demi-humans. (Or cat beastmen lol)

- Milkman Steven is SCARY AS FUCK as is, but imagine him, all covered in blood from murdering people, entering the house in werecat form, and stares down at Doorman Daisy!

"Babe. The baby wants milk."

Daisy looks behind her, and a sigh escapes from her lips.

"Steven, we don't have a child...unless you're talking about that werecat kitten you adopted the other day."

"No. I am talking about myself and my desire for milk-what do you think?!"

"...well, you're coming with me, regardless. We need to get her some tuna."

- Having a werecat husband is tough. Same with a werecat child he adopted (and probably turned into a werecat prior to adoption 😨). Imagine opening a can. And you see a cute tabby and a big black ball of fur. Both staring at you!

Also, he smited me and now I dunno if I'm a catgirl or a werecat or a cat demi-human lol here's a bonus picture

(lol, I don't know if I should make Aria their adopted child or their bio child or some kid/adult that Steven found and took in by force or by luring in with choccy milk lol)

i like to think that. missingno has a mind of its own and tries to mutate steven beyond recognition to drive him into Maximum Madness and fully possess him but eventually gave up when he and his wife keep being stubborn jackasses and then got kids (if we go by your oc/fan-child hc) :))) speaking of milkman steven, DOORWOMAN DAISY‼‼‼ steven casually snitching on other doppelgangers just to make daisys job easier,,, (whenever its stevens turn to req entry he starts becoming the Furball he is and scratches the window with pleading eyes until he gets in) sometimes steven will also get in the office w his wife and cuddles with her and the amount of weird faces the neighbors give them XD (daisy: me and the bitch i pulled by being autistic) to help steven with the money to make milk, some days daisy would work as the one killing the doppelgangers instead of detecting 'em since it pays her more than being a doorwoman...... and steven just. tags along. :3

[bunnymcfoo]

I'm just working some shit out in my head right now and this feels like the only place I have to put it. Trigger warning for suicidal ideation.

I am really really really really really not okay right now. We've spent close to $3k on vet bills since last Thursday and while we certainly do have time to pay it off (thanks care credit!) it's still a hell of a lot of money, especially for our poor asses. It's legit an entire month's worth of income.

My best beloved elder cat Cassandra is still dying of kidney disease and there's literally nothing I can do about it and we're getting closer and closer to the end and I just can't. I can't. I love her so much and I'm gonna miss her with every atom of my being.

I've gotta call my agency and tell them that I need a new client, because the lady that mom and I both take care of is going into a care facility as soon as the end of this month and that's when two thirds of our income will just, like, go up in smoke. I cannot express strongly enough how much I do not want to do this. I'm so burnt out on caregiving that just the idea of taking on a new client makes me want to crawl under the covers and never come back out. The doctor called today to tell me that I'm too fucking fat to have breast reduction surgery. Like, not just a little bit too fat, no, like, I'd have to lose over a hundred pounds before they'd consider it levels of fat. I'm pretty sure that the only way my eating disordered ass can do that is via weight loss surgery (which, ironically, they'd be happy to do for me) so that's not gonna happen and I just get to be in pain forever.

And then there's just, like, That. Trump. The senate. Probably the house. Every hour something new hits me, like, they're 100% gonna get rid of the Endangered Species Act and we're gonna lose so -- god. We're gonna lose so much. I was already struggling hard before this week - winter is always harder. Always. and I've been fighting and clawing and holding it back, but my god, I wanna die so badly right now. I just want to hold my cat and go to sleep and never ever ever wake up, because I'm so scared and feel so helpless and like nothing will ever be good or worthwhile again. It's been a long time since I felt this way, like, just this deep and terrified exhaustion, and I didn't miss it. But here I am, hip deep in mud and I'm so tired of struggling and it's just getting deeper and deeper. I'm not gonna do anything. I wanna be dead, but I don't wanna kill myself, and even if I did, I wouldn't, because I couldn't do that to my mom. She's lost both her parents and I cannot take her child away. Plus, leaving her with four cats - well, soon to be three, but whatever - would be incredibly shitty. But this is the first time I've felt like this since I got medicated and I just don't know what to do about it - I'm maxed out on my lamotrigine and most of the other meds we've tried have had really bad side effects for me. I'd say I hate this so much, but honestly, I'm too empty to feel hate right now. But instead of dying, I'm gonna go eat something. I'm gonna hug my mom when she gets home. Tomorrow, I'm gonna call my psych's office so we can talk about possible courses of action. I'm gonna cuddle my cats. I'm gonna email the therapists I have pulled up to email. I don't get to die, I have plane tickets to Seattle and Columbus and friends to hug, and to get there I just have to keep going. So I'm gonna put one foot in front of another because there's really no other option. And yeah, I'm maybe gonna be crying the whole time, but that's sometimes the way it goes. Anyway. Sorry to anyone who read this, but also, thanks for listening I guess?

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

C A T for the ask game please hehe 😻

Cat!! My dearest Shrutual <3333

(Im going to answer alphabetically. Also this got so long omg)

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I do have OTPs :D wolfstar and stucky (also previously: klance but im not into them as much anymore)

I even have a meme for this occasion:

other ships from the marauders fandom:

wolfstarbucks <333 wolfbucks and prongsfoot are alright too but not in the long run, I think I prefer them as a trio (everyone is there and all is well and everyone is happy. I get sad when R isnt there and im worried about S's whereabouts when he isnt there, so. Trio)

jily - i wouldnt call myself a jily shipper per se, but its also very dear to me <3333. Would choose a fic with them as a supporting ship over alternatives when reading r/s , thats for sure.

james & sirius friendship but also remus & james friendship!!

basically... sirius and remus and sometimes james an lily. in any configuration at this point

(there are other ships I like from hp, mcu and other fandoms but im not into them that much at this very moment)

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Oh boy. Do I have to choose just one?

Stony.

... Ok that wasnt that hard.

I dont like Tony, I dont care about him, I dont like their relationship we saw in the films (tho i havent read the comics so im judging just the films), Im not into enemies to lovers, there is nothing for me there. zero, zip, nada.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Thats a really hard question bc apart from fighting "mainstream" fanon with canon info i dont think im that invested about most headcanons? so, i will try. i will not elaborate tho.

if sirius was into any muggle subculture it would be punk

black brothers weren't tortured with cruciatus every other day for any minor inconvenience they caused. sirius was abused psychologically and emotionally and until the last second walburga hoped he would come back and take the role of the heir he was supposed to.

regulus wasnt forced into becoming a DE, but he did it bc he wanted to prove himself

alphard was gay and had muggle lover(s)

sirius would become a curse breaker, a social worker, an activist, a mechanic or an engineer or something like that. idk why but i dont like it when he's a healer/doctor. However I can see sirius joining the aurors with james, but i think he would resign not long after finishing training when he realises he cant fix the system from the inside. idk if james would resign tho.

if we assume that the marauders form a pack, its not remus who is the alpha, even while in wolf form

the last one im adding just bc i saw a post about it right before i started answering this ask: the full moon doesnt make remus horny. its a traumatic experience for him and he associates it with everything he fears - pain and loosing control. for a few days before the full he feels sick and weak and he hates everything and sirius has to fight tooth and nail to just get him under a blanket for a cuddle. right after the full he is exhausted and in pain. the further from the full the easier it is to get him in the mood, basically. (i feel like im the only one. at least on this one post every response was the opposite. i read just one ff with a similar thing - where its the new moon that makes werewolves horny.) i am not opposed to remus being horny right after the full tho

las one I just remembered: the hogwarts express has more than two stops. for gods sake. those kids arent travelling to London from Edinburgh just to spend the whole day on the train on the way back. (check out this map) all of the stations have platforms like 3 ⅓, 2 ⅚ and so on of course.

ask game

[deedeemacdl]

I’m going to be completely vulnerable here for a minute. I found this note from when I was recently admitted to the hospital. I don’t really remember writing it (painkillers and all) but reading it through, I realise how much having chronic ill health has affected me. Writing has always been cathartic for me and something I enjoy. So to look back on this is interesting because it still rings true to a certain extent. Although I’m doing well mentally (though we all struggle here and there, good days and bad) there’s still an element of truth to this message. I am so lucky to have the things I do but pain and being unwell can affect you in ways you don’t even realise. I thought I would share this, to be honest, transparent and to let people know that it’s okay to struggle.

P.s. I’ve contemplated sharing this for a while because I don’t want people to think I’m complaining, or worry that I’m not okay. I promise I am. But it’s raw and it’s the truth and maybe others will see something familiar in the message.

———————————————————————

I’m just so tired. Not just physically. Mentally and spiritually too. I’m so drained of energy and if I exert even a little, I suffer for the next week (if I’m lucky. Usually more.)

Everything feels so heavy. Yet at the same time my bones feel like they could crack at any minute. Most of the time I don’t even want to talk because even that drains me.

Like my body, my heart is heavy. I’ve pushed my friends to the side. Not deliberately. But I’ve been such an awful friend that it’s been so long since I’ve reached out, I feel guilty even contacting them. Then this just adds more time and gets to the point where I believe they won’t even care if I reach out because I’ve already abandoned them.

I’m fed up of making excuses. Always being ill yet pretending I’m okay. Then hiding myself away because I literally can’t do anything. While trying to hold down a full time job, plan a wedding, wait on 2 operations and suffer from the effects of infections daily. Even the ability to play with my cat can be too much.

At the same time I’m fed up moaning. All I do is complain and then try to overcompensate because realistically, there’s people living with a lot worse.

It’s hard being in between. In the one hand you just want to lie down and give up. On the other hand, you have so much to be grateful for and to look forward to.

I constantly feel like I’m holding those around me, back. That’s why I distance myself from people. So not to burden them. Because honestly I am a burden. But then the longer you do that, you isolate and distance, the harder it is to reconnect.

It’s like I’m forever in this cycle and right now, I’m just existing. Surviving. Doing everything in my power not to succumb to the things that are affecting me.

I don’t want pity. I just crave understanding. From others, and from myself. I spend my life telling people it’s okay to struggle and all I do is put myself down for that exact reason.

I’m sorry to those who I’ve hurt or abandoned along the way. Because you would never have treated me this way. But please know, it was not deliberate and I would do anything to change it.

So right now I’m taking a day at a time. And seeking joy in the small things. Like the purr of my cat when she gives me cuddles. Or the “I love you” from those closest to me at the end of a call. The smell of a freshly lit candle. The sound of the rain hitting off the roof. The way the trees dance to the rhythm of the wind.

I’m trying to heal, physically, mentally and spiritually. Though the physical part seems much harder than I anticipated. I am lucky to have what I have and I know that. But I’m also unlucky to experience the pain and struggle I do daily. Each day it robs me of something else.

But I will keep getting up.

I will keep pushing.

I will keep fighting.

And maybe some day, I’ll wake up no longer feeling like I’m just surviving.

We all have a fight, a struggle, unique to us. And to you, I just want to say you got this. Even on the days it may feel like it’s all too much. You got this. You are not alone. We are not alone.