#i am going to block this tag now lol
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my brain is all itchy and i am so stimmy from this (both in a bad way), would love if there is a scientific explanation... like i love "ugliness" and deformities in humans are great and weird nature hobknobbles but seeing those flowers fundamentally freaked me out to the core & apparently i'm not the only one;; why is this??? like it's the flowers specifically (also the pineapple a little), the strawberry and cacti and such are fine to me
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INSTAGRAM / FACEBOOK / ETSY / KICKSTARTER Ā Ā
#tw??#tw#trypophobia#is not even the right term but i needed to give some kind of warning#also i was on the fence of reblogging this because i literally do not want this on my blog but this increases chances of#question being answered#even if i am still shivering#flower fasciation#i am going to block this tag now lol#science
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i remember that mana shim said that part of the reason why she didnt want to speak out originally about her abuse was because there was so much concern about the nwsl folding like how the wusa and wps did. that there was this feeling like 'i dont want to be the one to ruin it' because so many of these women had fought so hard to get a professional women's league started in america. these players had a minimum salary of <$7,000 and were expected to try and play full time professional football on that salary. non-national team players had a salary maximum of $31,500. many of them worked multiple jobs to fund their careers.
i can never really take arguments about the quality of women's sports seriously.
women's football was banned completely for 50 years in england. 50 years, the men got to play and learn and improve and adapt. 50 years, the men's game evolved. and 50 years, the women were banned. are you don't think that might have an effect on the sport as a whole? many other women's sports had similar bans at one point or another.
the men can do virtually whatever they like and get paid hundreds of thousands ā millions, even.
did you know the manchester united women's team got a brand new, team specific building last season? and in june it was announced that the men's indoor facility would be needing to go under construction so it could be "revamped"? and that the women's facility was handed over to the men for training? and that the women will now train in portable buildings?
but yes, of course. talk to me about the product. talk to me about quality. because we must be objective, we must look at the numbers. its so obvious, of course, the men are simply outperforming the women! the men must be better. there is no other explanation.
#sorry.#tumblr was going to cut off my tag rant but then i was upset and annoyed and wanted to talk about it more.#may delete once i calm down but for now: word vomit!#youre welcome. sorry.#abuse mention#this is mostly about football because i am way more familiar with it but the sentiment extends far beyond#edited to reformat bc the block of text was hurting my eyes#this is an extension of the previous post for the record not an opposition#i feel like i always sound so mad in these (which i am lol) but i always get worried that ppl think its directed at tennisblr#which is basically never is š
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current editing moodboard, please send help
#perfectionism is really kicking my butt rn#that and the fact i had like a week away from writing properly bc chronic pain and now i canāt get back into the headspace#so yeah#perfectionism and brain fog#the inimitable duo#and i know i just need to be patient because itāll get in the end there like it always does#but rn iāve spent two nights in a row trying to polish up the last bits of this chapter#and i still just feel so detached from it all i want to pitch my laptop out the window#but i canāt afford a new laptop each time i want to defenestrate it#so this little rant will have to do instead#UGH#itās so annoying because i am actually so so proud of this chapter and have loved writing it and canāt wait to share it#itās just this last little bit that i seem to be hitting a brick wall with#anyway sorry#four walls readers don't worry i go through this just about every chapter lol#i'm just feeling it particularly this time because it's a particularly big chapter (both in terms of length and content)#and sometimes venting in the tags and creating an alex moodboard is very therapeutic#writing stuff#alex turner#writer's block#lulu posts
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sometimes i canāt believe i was posting wips every single wednesday and sunday for literal months like who even was that person
#and now i canāt even write a paragraph without taking a month break#or monthS should i say#god why arenāt the words so easy anymore š«š#this writers block thing is doing my absolute head in#i get so excited to still be tagged#and then iām all ā¹ļø cos i have no words to share back#i have so many wips so may ideas but i am so scattered#i miss writing soooo much#and instead of actually writing#i just think about it#and never get any words down#also weāre like a third of the way thru the new season and that is scaring me#i feel like by the time i can write again or finish a fic iāll have missed the boat#and everyone will have moved on#or already written the same idea but better#and itāll be like hey! whatās the point#anyway iāll try to be reassured by the fact everyone stayed active during an 18 month hiatus#and the more fics the merrier#also feels like iām trying to make up for lost time#for all the years the show aired and i wasnāt apart of the fandom#i want to enjoy and savour all the moments of the new season with you all#and get out of my own head#but that wonāt be tonight š„²#š hours#donāt mind me being a sook lol#emphasis on the sunday scaries tonight#literally how is it monday again already im going insane šµāš«#d stuff
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The colors of the copper on blackberry dye seem to have shifted from maroon to a very rich milk chocolate brown--which I will hardly complain about, since that's a hard brown to get. I do hope I get something more permanently reddish/purplish with alum--that's what I'll try next. I'm just waiting for the 9 pounds of raw fleece to arrive.
Last night I carded a lot of that blackberry dyed fleece and then put it on the blending board with about half of the white (which was the previous distaff dressing) as a little stripe to one side. Idk, just curious how it'll turn out and seemed more interesting to spin that way. Carding first definitely helps with consistency--both colors were willowed first and put on the blending board, but only the brown was carded as well, and it is much easier to keep smooth and least kind of even.
The one improvement of this phone camera over my old one is that it has a timer setting, so I can actually show where my hands normally are (sometimes anyway). Fairly comfortable although my distaff hand is starting to cramp. Might just be one of those days or might be too heavy for me, but the shape at least is good.
You can probably see that the white is still all over the place, but the brown is pretty even, just with lumps still on occasion. Also, the new height of this spindle means it's perfect for lap spinning rather than impossible to lap spin with, so I'm very happy about that.
#spinning#handspun yarn#distaff#supported spindle#id tag the breed name normally but i dont know what this stuff is (its some of the more aged wool i have in my stash lol)#natural dyeing#blackberry#if you are wondering what is up with the banners its an attempt at anti-radfeming my posts#since they insist on reblogging them and blocking seems to do nothing#hopefully they will be effective bc i love them and my fiance sent them to me ā¤ļø#if not tho we'll phase into tasteful cock drawings#and if that doesnt work just straight up dick pics#its my blog and i love cock so thats not a problem for me and would actually probably improve morale#not jumping straight to it because im gonna assume most of the people who enjoy my fiber arts posts dont necessarily also want dicks#on their blog#but me not having to see radfem trash reblogging my experiments and research obviously takes priority#i use those terms loosely but hey i am writing it down. and trying to get answers to questions. so im pretty sure technically i am#conducting experiments and research at least on occasion#and now i have to go back to work. if anyone wants to mercy kill me on the way out the door id really appreciate it
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anyways... I did half of 8 frames for my gomens animatic today... Crowley's done in those, I do gotta go back and add Azi tho but I have officially started with the proper sketches! Just a billion more to go now š
#and then decide if i wanna shade them or just put a gradient over everything idk#probably shade them since i need Crowley to be in dark clothes for contrast (and for a few transitions)#ugh this is taking so fucking loooong#mostly because i've been doing actual paid work during the day#and then playing videogames to unwind#and i only start on my animatic at like 11pm lol#need to go to bed now... it's almost 3am :/#djghdkfg#angel talks#personal#i need to shut up#who fucking cares am i right? lol#angel's animatic journey#<- seriously block that tag dkfjgdfg
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#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek š
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Iām sure someone has come to the conclusion that Barbatos was originally a feral demon upon creation, right? Diavolo very casually mentions that he lured Barbatos to the castle with tea leaves and Barbatos even notes in a different conversation that he was never a child. That one kid event aside, (which I could very easily find an explanation for if I took the time to do so) it seems too perfect that he would be a quadruped beast-like abomination, respectfully, and Iām going to run with that headcanon.
This is turning into a list I want to reference later š
ā¢ Barbatos has ALWAYS been articulate and insufferably formal. Maybe heās made that way.
ā¢ Diavolo is the reason he takes a human-esque form, whether to match his own likeness or because he was influenced by some other factor prior to āThe Fallā
ā¢ Barbatosās current demon form only alludes to what he used to look like and is definitely the reason why it doesnāt seem to resemble a cohesive design
ā¢ He would have looked like a Frankenstein mix between a bat, salamander, owl, snake, and vulture
ā¢ āØ Black sclera āØ because yes absolutely he would *pants*
ā¢ Maybe he doesnāt revert to his previous form because Diavolo has never explicitly said that he was allowed to? (his abject servility lends me to believe he would never use his power without instruction or prompt so this might not be too big of a stretch)
ā¢ I already believe that most of the notable figures of native Devildom citizens are beasts or monsters and I think the older they are the less āhumanā they look. Barbatos is VERY old so that would fit in here nicely.
ā¢ Solomon nearly did himself in when summoning Barbatos, if I remember that right, and I desperately want to know what that was all about.
ā¢ Whether he started out as quadrupedal or bipedal I couldnāt say, but I think he was flexible enough to stride both ways. Donāt ask me for realism because this is clearly fiction lol but I will say that there is a distinction between his back haunches and the front āarms/handsā
ā¢ Someone once mentioned that Barbatosās VA has a slight lisp (Iām unsure if this observation is true, but I can admit that I hear it and itās undeniably cute to me) and for that reason alone, Iām envisioning either a snake tongue or sharp fangies to make an audible lispāor he just has one; no reason at all ā„ļø
ā¢ As far as design goes, I kind of go back and forth between anthropomorphic (Iām using the term loosely and with neutral tone) and just full-on beast.
ā¢ For whatever scaly parts he has, I think theyāre like a shift of green and blue, possibly yellow, like a June bug shell. Otherwise his body is a mixture of feathers and very fine fur, like a shitzu dogās coat.
ā¢ Big ears! Huge ears that flex and move independently like digits on a hand. This would also explain the black claws on his head because Iām not buying that those are āhorns.ā
ā¢ Iām a big fan of Barbatos being able to speak every language imaginable and that definitely includes every variation of Devildom language. Heās old enough to have invented portions of some!
ā¢ Barbatos has said he doesnāt need to sleep (or I am at least fervidly trying to find evidence of it) so I want to believe he catnaps. Catnaps have been described as a light dozing while being alert to surroundings, either to escape danger or pursue prey.
ā¢ If he had fangs that worked to inject, he was a venomous monster. If not, I am adamant that he could secrete a toxin of some sort.
ā¢ Playing off that last idea, this would make a neat foundation as to why heās so fascinated and keen on tea. I wonder what kinds of poisonous concoctions heās made?
Thereās a lot to add, but I need to reread the story to get some details right or to pick up anything I hadnāt had a mind to look for first time around. I know for a fact I skipped through most of the story involving the grimoire thing(?) and thatās pretty important regarding Barbatos lol so Iām coming back to this eventually!
#ah geez here I go#more headcanons no one wants lol#Iām gonna end up in tears if I try to sketch his design out because Iāve never drawn fantasy creatures!#uh Iām not sure what to tag this#I donāt think thereās anything concerning to my text yet but Iāll tag it in post if it ever changes#however! I am tagging this for my own purposes#obey me headcanons#well#barbatos headcanons#in the very least#I donāt know block me if you donāt care about this content lmao#hahaha noo I just realized I have to reread the entire story now!#long text#oh you know what#monster Barbatos#block that tag if you donāt want to see this!
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Procrastinating so hard even though this is a fun topic about my embarrassing old interest... It's literally an excuse to infodump WHY am I procrastinating š
#š¤posting#I need to seriously start though bc this is due tomorrow and I have to make a physical zine (for the first time ever)#because I decided to commit to that for some reason š#procrstinated so hard that I painted THREE layers of nail polish (I am usually very lazy with it. so)#and waited for it to dry all the way and everything LMAO#sorry for all the school posting lately I have had a very stressful week lolol#I will be done with projects after Monday and then on spring break the next week so yay#and my transient school is on spring break rn#but I'm moving soon (not out of town yet; my mom is moving houses down the street actually haha) so I'll be busy with that#also why do I keep getting ed tumblr (idk if it has a specific community name or whatever) tags recommended when I type in tags š#every time I start a tag with 'I want' or 'I need' I get these tags recommended..... I don't want to have to block all of them UGH#I actually don't think I have any filtered tags rn#anyway sorry for the ramble I'm gonna go work.... not now but soon lol. byeeee
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Vent under the cut. I'm so sorry I am not normal at all </3
Dude having (suspected) bpd and self shipping with a character from a popular piece of media who is commonly shipped with another character sucks like what do you mean seeing canon x canon art of them now has me terrified of a fictional character abandoning me what the hell </3
#negative#rember that post I made about timblr reccomending me zooble canon x canon stuff??#at first it didn't bother me ebcause I had the tags blocked and didn't see anything#then I saw a post thay didn't have the ship tagged and. yeah :[#like @ my brain PLEASE shut the fuck up forever#this is my one coping mechanism right now ans I have been doing good for a week now let me have this please I am begging#but no my brain decides to go Hey I know this character is helping you stop spiraling further#but they would abandon you actually. because canon x canon ship#man thanks brain that's cool /s#sprry to make this post but it was inevitable I guess#it's times like this that i wish my therapist would be willing to diwcuss a diagnosis with me#imstead of sending me to a psychiatrist an hour and a half away from where I live that so far has not called back about an appointment#so most likely I'm mot even going to be able to see one lol
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grrrrr cant create my new dev logs blog until lunch so I'm angry
#not skylanders#doveskulls talks#augh I just got done with some cool new stuff too but I don't have a blog to talk about it on!!!!!!!!#makes me angry chat. why cant my school just let me play on my phone all day. /joking#I should be doing homework but. I'm not. :D I literally have an F in English I don't have time for this!!!!! aughh I'll go work on it now#why are my tags always longer than my actual post???? Jesus.#I mean its fine though#I like typing in the tags. its fun. its my little treehouse. if ur looking at the tags welcome to the treehouse.#if ur my civics teacher looking at the tags STOPPPPPPP I'm already paranoid man. sorry tumblr (almost said tumplr) I am very paranoid#anyways I hope u all have a good day lol#I know I am!! again got cool stuff done in my game#YOU CAN PICK UP A SWORD NOW!!!!!! :DDDDD#its very cool. you cant swing the sword yet but soon. soon it will be done. God I hope my school doesn't auto block this#but yeah I mean like idk if I've ever mentioned this anywhere (God the auto tags r weird today) but I'm making a game!
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you know all the jokes about how the 'view post' button that pops up with the blacklisting function on tumblr is the most enticing button in the world?? the a/b/o tag on ao3 functions the exact same way for me
#I AM SO ANGRY. I KNEW I shouldn't have clicked on the fic#I KNEW I wouldn't like it!!!! guess what I did anyway????#I can handle abo under very very specific conditions and only if it is about very specific subject matter#a lot of abo smut tropes are extremely similar to a lot of non abo smut tropes I enjoy#outside of that???? the abo universe was practically designed with the express puropse of causing me distress#and I know that!!!! but there is So Much of it so sometimes I read it anyway#and sometimes I read it because I see the tags and the summary and I know I am going to get upset#but like. I HAVE to poke at it you know??#anyway now I'm pissed off about a world that doesn't exist and my anger means uhhh nothing#because there isn't actually anything to be upset about or to fix#I know there are filters on ao3 so I couuuuld block abo#but it has so many tag variations that it's honestly not even worth it#if I just had better self control I wouldn't have this problem lol
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deeply amusing to me how fast my squick feelings rise if someone even passingly suggests i self insert into a fic or with a character considering all the grade A squick material (according to other people) I write
#me!! you think I want to be in any way involved in this story or with these characters!!#excuse me no#do not touch me#do not think about me#I am not part of this#literally do not care if anyone else does it though obviously go wild have fun#I cheer you on with my eyes closed#but plsss donāt bring me into it#this is why I so urgently block all self insert tags lol#it is possibly one of the worst feelings to me and so I rant here#good fences (filters and block lists) makes for good (fandom) neighbors#the rant happens now bc it has been suggested Too Many times in the past day in ways I cannot filter#probably delete later#but itās my houseblog and I must scream#sixdemon nonsense
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playing an ongoing game called ālearn whats acceptable to say in someones tags or get blockedā. a lot of you are losing.
#i know i can be cringe or annoying but like. theres a difference between joking on something vs fucking insulting someone you dont know#is this person talking about something they enjoy that you dont? filter the tag and post content and go on with your day#if theyre too annoying then just unfollow for a bit and check back later even#is this person a fan of a character you hate?? put it on your own post instead of coming onto someones account to bitch in their tags#you are literally insulting a real life person over a fictional character. over a show. over a comic. what is wrong with you.#unless the thing they like is actively rooted in real life hate (racism sexism misogyny ableism transphobia etc) that will reflect#and cause real life harm then it literally doesn't fucking matter if you disagree with someone.#youre not making me want to read and consider your opinion about something i literally consume for fun and because haha autism s/i#by calling me an idiot or by saying how i (a disabled person) am ābraindeadā because i have a different opinion or whatever.#youre just being mean because you feel like you have an excuse to pretend youre superior to someone#like idk how to break it to you but dick grayson isnt going to suck your dick despite you insulting a real person over him lmao.#anyways. im going to block you if you insult me. im going to block you if you see my post on something i like thats harmless and tell me#how much you personally hate it or disagree. i dont care. make your own post because now you cant make it on mine.#and my anon is temporarily off (sorry shy mutuals </3) because a lot of ppl dont have common decency on what's okay to say or demand lol
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I think I have a new favourite musical.
It's been HOURS and my jaw and belly still hurt from laughing but god, was it worth it.
We were laughing for almost two hours STRAIGHT.
It's quite ironic, but I have felt the most alive I have felt in YEARS in a musical about DEATH.
Great humour, incredible 4th wall breaking, interesting plot, well-rounded characters, main het love story actually bearable and even nice at times (a woman being shown to be intellectually equal to her mad scientist male interest? Her being socialised by her mother to become a housewife and him constantly showing her how brilliant she is, encouraging her to follow her dreams to become a doctor? All while the narrative shows that not only does he think she is intellectually his equal, she actually IS proven to be at least as genius as he is shown to be? I cannot believe I am saying this but I finally approve of a het musical couple. Armageddon must be upon us) Death who is just SO FUCKING DONE WITH ALL OF THIS SHIT and he just wants to CHILL and his (gay? bi? unclear but either works) assistant* who's been pining after him FOR ETERNITY without him ever realising it till The End? An actual GAY happily ever after between Death and his assistant??? All set to fun pop-rock music??? Where 2 of the musicians are also the 4th wall-breaking Narrators???
Cynical humour about death and dying with touches of optimism? Jewish humour? A robot created by the mad scientist called RAMBAM???
GOD WHERE HAS THIS MUSICAL BEEN MY ENTIRE LIFE???
(In a cupboard, under some stairs)
@ Israeli followers - Seriously if you like humour & musicals, I HIGHLY recommend seeing ××”××£ at צ×××Ŗ× in Tel Aviv. (It's a smaller indie production so tickets are also cheap af)
*Fun fact: the gay/bi Death assistant is played by the same actor who plays Collins in the TLV Rent production (another production I highly recommend, although with some caveats but the fantastic acting & staging transcend the shitty translation and some stupid production choices) and he is as great in this comedic role as he is as Collins.
#Israeli musicals#do i even have a tag#musicals#personal#I will reblog this tmrw so Israeli followers can actually see it as I assume normies are already asleep (unlike insane me)#but I needed to write this down now lest I forget lol#also if you want to know/hear more about my opinions abt TLV Rent - just let me know and I will gladly share them#and if you're looking for a partner to go to a musical in TLV with you - feel free to hmu. I will gladly be your theatre partner#I am in love with ××”××£ I feel like I will go see it at least once a block now#musical posting
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think i am just going to start posting
#postin#i think microdosing on existing in a public space is healthy for me#as well as just tossing my thoughts into the wind in a place where i don't necessarily anticipate any sort of reply or recognition#its better than just keeping them all to myself and then getting frustrated at all the little things that stack up#Being Percieved makes me feel ill#but its tumblr and nothing matters here its like going out into a desert and screaming into the air#also im feeling SO bored and impulsive im pacing the cage like a tiger#i considered going to an antique store but i waited too long and they closed at 5 and now i have so much pent up energy and no outlet#block postin tag if i am annoying LOL
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