#i am going . to bed

[loachfriend]

[manicpixiedreamedwins]

I don't think I am ever making a video again what the fuck was I thinking

(I had a vision. That's what I was thinking).

[zrllosyn-art]

MAN. EPISODE 10. WAS SOMETHING.

also have a silly thing that @13threbagel and I ended up talking about while struggling to figure out 10's colors.

[ghouljams]

I literally slept two hours in total last night because I was so anxious. Please Gen z, I believe in you guys! Come on my fellow peers!!!

We likely won't have official results until Thursday. Remember how long it took to get votes counted in 2020.

It's normal to be anxious, but mainstream news outlets capitalize off of your fear.

Remember: it's not over until it's over.

[maybe-drawing]

Vote Joe Hills

Credit for the idea goes to @theminecraftbee​ !!

Vote in Tumblr Mcyt Sexyman election here!!

-- Click for better quality! Original post and more under the cut! --  

[thecrazyalchemist]

To whomever it may concern

I am going to sleep now

[zeibei]

men’s waists be so small like what do u need that small waist for? for other men to grab it? whore

[hopeinthebox]

with his solo project FACE, Jimin has created a coffee shop soundtrack that evokes the feeling of being hunted for sport. five stars.

[yuujispinkhair]

The yearning is so bad 😭😭 I just want boyfie Kuna to hold me all night. Feel his big strong body behind me and listen to his soft breathing 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[may-maple-blog]

heh. the giblerrr

[leafcabbage]

unique mental illness moment of finding someone's blog and having to talk yourself out of being convinced they're you from an alternate timeline somehow

[r0zzk1ll]

it is now april 2nd for me, but to all my 16 new followers (some from a completely different side of tumblr) just know i am very insaneI mean normal and i will definitely not bite youWho said that I meant be very respectful and a very kind creature and also (hits you with my paws)(h

[solidwater05]

[ID: A picture of a phone on the floor. The case and the removable battery are both scattered besides the phone. /End ID]

Nothing says 'fuck you, go to bed' like this

Unfortunately for the universe I have a second phone

[hellfire--cult]

It's too late for this. Too fucking late.

@ghost-proofbaby you are the antichrist. @myosotisa get your child.

[thecrazyalchemist]

Good night

Stay safe

Don't eat almonds in a lab people will think it's cyanide

[not-poignant]

I hope it's okay to ask, but how are things? Looking forward to Underline The Gold on Sunday so much

Omg I'm looking forward to it too

Tbh I'm up to chapter 8 on that now so we're ready to really start pushing ahead with some of the side stories which is exciting

As for me, it's been pretty rough, anon, not gonna lie. I'm going to put this under a read more because I'm pretty honest and also because there's more than one 'I might have cancer' mention among other things:

I kind of thought I was doing fine and then it all got on top of me a couple of days ago and (self-harm mention) I ended up self-injuring due to autistic meltdown. Sometimes I don't realise how bad things really are until I'm at that stage and I have bruises and soft tissue damage to show for it. I've since talked to my doctor and therapist about it, but like...oof.

I've actually been taking a break from writing since I've hit 50k and I generally have a rule that I have to take at least 2-4 days off once I've hit that point, but I'm still pretty stuffed, but mostly for health reasons. I've written 14 chapters this month so I feel okay about the break lol.

On Friday (the day after the meltdown) I needed to have a hand X-ray (even right now, the knuckles in my left hand are really sore), see my GP for 40 minutes, talk to my therapist, organise an iron infusion (I have microcytic anemia and need an iron infusion again, which I think is my 5th or 6th - I need one about once every 2-3 years, and mostly the time between is the slow downward spiral of losing more and more iron until I'm truly fucked) and a meeting with one of the head haematologists in the state because my red blood cells are bullshit and weird (yay). Guess that explains the exhaustion.

I still need to organise a lymph node ultrasound (which is probably nothing, except there is like a 'higher than average' chance it could be metastatic cancer, since I do have tumours in my head right now that could metastasize, and the tumours are extremely close to the swollen lymph node - also I haven't had a virus).

I need to organise a meeting with a dermatologist, I need to organise a full abdominal MRI to see if I have any other tumours we don't know about, and I got an eating disorder management plan for restrictive eating, which does entitle me to like...cheaper dietitian appointments, but also formalises me as having an ED as opposed to 'disordered eating.'

On top of that I had to deal with a tribunal after my Dad had a catastrophic stroke a few months ago, and the tribunal was last month, to determine who would look after him. Our family is so broken and my stepmother so manipulative/vindictive that the government decided no one could be trusted and took care of his finances and healthcare themselves meaning none of us can have any real say in his future (truly the best outcome, but a damning one for the state of the family), and I also had to listen to my stepmother accuse my sister of being a criminal for 20 minutes with completely unfounded lies, and of course, my Dad has had a catastrophic stroke, and that's complicated. That's a whole...

That saga is so much anon, I cannot even begin to explain even the tip of that iceberg.

I've been spending a lot of extra time like scanning family photos and other things and packing items in his home for storage etc. and while that's been done now for over a month and a half, I guess the burn out started some time ago and it's just been slowly getting on top of me. Kind of the 'slowly boiling a lobster in a pot' analogy.

I've been overall quieter on Tumblr as a result of all of this, and it all just...destroyed me on Thursday, and ever since then I've been recovering.

I've just realised it's nearly 1.00am and I swear the last time I looked at the clock - which felt like 5 minutes ago - it was 11.00pm.

Oh and to top it all off I've had vicious 'not falling asleep until 4.00am' insomnia + increased nightmares because my PTSD has relapsed back into 'pretty severe.' So um, managing most nights on 3-4 hours of sleep a night, and that's bad for all my chronic illnesses, of which I have many.

Ah. Yeah. :(

Lemme rustle up some good news for you, anon, because I feel like this is just too much crap.

Bushflowers/wildflowers are really nice right now as it's turning to spring in Western Australia (it's Djilba in the Noongar seasonal system, which I prefer)

Rhubarb is in season so I'm making a lot of stewed apple and rhubarb as a comfort food.

Reading the manhwa Punch Drunk Love and enjoying it.

Asks like yours - even if all of this sounds dire - helps me to undestand that I actually do have good reasons to feel tired and that it's okay to take breaks and that's really valuable (sometimes - though rarely - people use my anon function to talk at me, rather than talking to me as a person, and I just...really value feeling like a person sometimes aslfkjsa) so while I might seem down, this has actually been nice to end my night on. Also you've reminded me that I am super excited/happy to share more Underline the Gold with people

I got some organisational stuff and organising stuff in the house makes me feel good.

I have an extremely good doctor and tbh for a long time I didn't, so like, every good specialist and doctor is worth their weight in gold. :)

I hope you're doing okay and looking after yourself / taking care anon, and that you get something good out of what remains of the weekend. <3 And for everyone who needs one, hugs are on the house.