#i am glad folks still enjoy this blog at least!

[i-still-mask-because]

hi! i'd just like to first say thank you for this blog! it's been a very valuable resource and i appreciate what you do and the information you make available!! this ask is sort of a vent/just my thoughts and general feelings i feel like i need to share somewhere. i don't have any resources to get a better mask at this moment, and the masks i do wear give me sensory issues and are generally not ideal. i can't really do anything else about this except wait until i get financial independence, which is relatively far off. it's been...becoming a bit more difficult to look forward to the future. i don't acknowledge this often because it feels like so many people already have but i have some difficulty accepting that things will never truly be the same again (until capitalism and colonialism are abolished and the world can focus on fixing pressing issues and actually improving people's lives but that's a different conversation!) and that not only does it feel that i'm missing out on a majority of my teen years but also that i may not even get to enjoy my twenties, thirties, and so on because of circumstances generally not in my control. i know that joy remains present in my life and things will improve if i just hang on a little longer but it's still difficult when i spend day after day watching my masks irritate my skin while i'm not even safe from covid because so few people mask. i firmly believe some protection is better than none but i suppose that can tie into why i am glad other people mask, as uncommon as it has become. i still mask because i want to do what i can to care about the safety of others and to combat toxic individualism.

Hey! Thank you so much for sharing this 💛 I appreciate the vulnerability. And thank you for your patience; I wanted to be sure I was in a clearer headspace before answering this. I hope you can see this, and I hope you're doing alright!

If you want, let me know in another ask what masks you've already tried. I'm happy to compile some recommendations for more comfortable ones.

I genuinely recommend finding online spaces with other covid cautious people you can connect with, find support & validation, and find access to tools & resources (be it through Facebook groups, Discord servers, IG communities, Tumblr communities, etc.)

Take a look at these links [Link 1: Worldwide Mask Bloc Directory] and [Link 2: Covid Action Map] to see if there's any mask blocs and/or covid action groups wherever you live that can provide free masks for you (I know some give away free rapid tests & other tools too). They may even be able to give better suggestions for the first two things I mentioned! See if you could find their social media accounts too to keep up with their updates.

I absolutely feel for the younger generations right now. Knowing how hard going to school was as a minor in and of itself, I cannot imagine how difficult it is to go through Pre/K-12 being one of the only, if not the only, one masking to protect themself from a virus that the majority of the population doesn't even think is a big deal anymore. I'm so sorry the systems in place have let you down. I 100% understand how bleak the future feels right now; trust me, I'm right there with you. Navigating life in a covid-denying world is extremely difficult, to say the absolute least. I personally did not expect the first half of my 20s to go like this 😅. I try to remember that there are communities out there that aim to support us, validate us, and get us the resources we need. Being in community with other covid cautious folks online has been tremendously helpful because it makes going through this feel a lot less lonely.

Things will take a turn at some point; it's inevitable. Just keep protecting yourself and taking precautions. You're doing the right thing 💛😷

If anyone has additional supportive things they want to say and even suggestions of their own, please feel free to share!

[dandy-dog]

📌🌈🐶☀️

★ SOLAR - 24 YEARS OLD - QUEER - POLYAM - CLOSED - AUTISTIC - GNC TRANS GUY - ALTERHUMAN - WHITE - BRITISH - HE / IT ★

Hey there! My name's Cody, but I generally tend to go by Solar, Ray or Sunny online. That said, you can call me pretty much whatever you want. I'm not too picky. I'm a hobbyist artist, occasional writer and professional dog who's had the misfortune of being on this miserable hellsite (do people still call Tumblr that?) since 2014. I was around before then, but I didn't make an account until that point. My blog isn't strictly NSFW, but I do reblog posts with dirty humour and references to sex. So if you're a minor or someone who doesn't want to see that kind of thing? I wouldn't recommend following me. Want to know more about me or about this blog? You can find more info under the cut! ✌️

The dividers in this post were made by @chocoperrito and you can find them here! ❤

》 WHAT'S THIS BLOG ABOUT, DOG MAN?

I'm glad you asked! This is my main blog so it's generally just a mish mash of all sorts. Anything and everything pertaining to my interests goes here, it's a total free-for-all. That said, you can mostly expect reblogs about queer topics, political and social issues, different media that I like, shitposts and furry art. Lots and lots of furry art. I may occasionally post my own art here and possibly my own writing in the future if I feel confident enough.

》 WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

I am, in fact, a human person with nuance so you can argue that no matter how many things I tell you that I like? None of this will even come close to conveying the full spectrum of who I am, so please keep that in mind. I'm more than my interests. That said, it doesn't mean I can't at least give you an idea of the things I enjoy so to name a few things offhandedly: I really enjoy art, writing, reading, poetry, photography, filmmaking, animation, cartoons, video games, RPGs, 3D platformers, visual novels, folk punk music, ska music, 80 and 90s visual aesthetics, bright colours, primary colours, breakfast foods, thrifting, kitsch, antiques, tacky button-ups, animatronics, toy restoration, early 2000s internet, xenofiction, medieval fantasy, lost media, queer history, TV history, film history, furry history (namely the funny animal era and 2000s era), cooking, horror movies, folklore, cryptids, musicals, storytelling, worldbuilding, history, psychology, archaeology, zoology, etymology and space!

》 WHAT MEDIA DO YOU LIKE?

I like a lot of different media and the ones I actively choose to engage with fluctuates pretty frequently, but currently the ones of note are... Pokémon, Warriors, Watership Down, Animal Crossing, The Lion King, Ginga Nagareboshi Gin, Beastars, The Legend of Zelda, Bugsnax, Banjo Kazooie, Viva Pinata, Spyro, Crash Bandicoot, Sonic The Hedgehog, Zero Escape, Ace Attorney, Another Code, Welcome To Nightvale, Little Shop Of Horrors, Ride The Cyclone, Starkid, Be More Chill, Heathers, Cats, Waitress, In The Heights, Silent Hill, Resident Evil, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Child's Play, The Gregory Horror Show, The Owl House, Steven Universe, Portal, Half Life, TF2, HLVRAI, What We Do In The Shadows, Our Flag Means Death, Interview With The Vampire, Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, Scott Pilgrim, Sam And Max, The Good Place, Gravity Falls, My Little Pony, Night In The Woods, Slay The Princess, Dragon Age, Fable and Good Omens! Hyperfixations are bolded, because like it or not I am autistic and that does affect which of these wretched things will get a stranglehold on my attention at any given time 👍

》 YOU'RE QUEER? WHAT ARE YOUR LABELS?

I'm a gender non-conforming trans man. I go by he/him and it/its pronouns and I mostly use masculine terms (man, dude, guy, etc.) or non-gendered ambiguous terms (thing, mutt, dog, etc.) to refer to myself. That said, all this does vary whenever I feel like it and I've got no intentions of trying to mirror cis men. I see myself as a man in the same way Bugs Bunny is a man, masculine in theory but pretty malleable in practice. A man but tilted a bit too much to the left so it doesn't quite fit on the "pallatable for cis people" gender shelf.

My gender is pretty intertwined with my non-human identity; All genders feel like a costume but ambiguously fruity man is the most comfortable one for me personally. I'm a vaguely man-shaped dog thing that's just trying to resemble a person above all else, if we're being entirely honest here.

I use the labels pansexual and queer pretty interchangeably. Gender doesn't really play a part in who I'm attracted to, it's pretty irrelevant and just kind of a neat bonus more than anything. That said? Overall I'm predominantly attracted to other queer people! I do class myself as acchillean because of my attraction to other men but in a non-committal handwave kind of way, considering how weird my relationship with my own gender currently is.

I consider myself as polyamorous. I can comfortably exist in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships but between the two? Up to now I've found the latter is my preference.

Also, I know I don't owe anyone an explanation about my identity. I'm talking about this because I'd like to (queer expression is fun to talk about yippeeee) and not because I feel obligated to. People aren't owed your life story, especially people on the internet ✌️

》 DO YOU HAVE A BYF / DNI?

No, I don't have a DNI. I've come to realise that the culture surrounding DNI lists in online spaces isn't healthy and I'd far rather just curate my own spaces however I feel like it! Not that I wasn't doing that before now but given that? A DNI feels like an unnecessary step that just serves to perpetuate that culture which I don't want to do. The block button exists to be used, I block people wherever I need to for the sake of my own comfort and I recommend you do the same 🤷 That said: I'm a queer neurodivergent leftist. So I have the exact kind of opinions you'd probably expect with those descriptors in mind. All good faith identities are valid, any kind of queer exclusion is bad, bigotry towards any marginalised group is bad. Fascism and capitalism are both poison, cringe culture is dead, do what you want forever so long as it's not hurting anything or anyone and everyone deserves kindness unless they themselves don't show it. Truly some never before heard takes here on Tumblr dot com.

》 WHAT ABOUT A TAGLIST?

Not yet, but I'm slowly working on it. In the meantime? Here's what you mainly need to know. You can find my talking and general shitposts under solar talks, or my art under dog draws. I do have content warning tags! I try to be conscientious and tag anything that I know is a common trigger for people (blood, gore, bones, bright colours, insects, etc) as and where I can. I format all of my content warning tags as "cw //" and then whatever the content of the post is that needs tagged. So for example, if you don't want to see insects? You can blacklist them on my blog using cw // insects and that should stop you from seeing anything with a number of legs you aren't comfortable with. This same format applies to all of my content warning tags. If there's anything more specific you need tagged? Don't be afraid to let me know. I'm happy to accommodate you wherever you need so long as it doesn't infringe upon my right to exist; If it's something that triggers you? Then it warrants being taken seriously.

》 WHO'S THE GUY IN YOUR ICON?

That would be my fursona, Circuit! He is me, I am him, I love showing him off to people so although the art may change? He's usually the face of my online pressence. Here's his current (slightly outdated, whoops) reference sheet that I made for him:

If you're curious, the art of him I have as my Tumblr icon currently (as of February 4th 2024) was a commission I got and is drawn by Pawtastic!

》 WOW, YOU TALK A LOT.

Sure do bud. Thank you for noticing! Want to hear me talk more? Then I have some sideblogs you can check out if you feel like it. fuzzypath is my Warriors sideblog (active) funky-fella is my Bugsnax sideblog (semi-active) canid-canon is my writing sideblog (WIP, inactive) I also have a NSFW sideblog dedicated to outright hornyposting, but respectfully I'm not sharing that here. If for whatever reason you'd like to see that? PM me privately to ask for it and if you're both 18+ (have your age clearly stated somewhere on your blog) and someone I trust to see it then I'll most likely give it to you!

[asachuu]

It has been a long, long time…and there is no better way to start a new year than bringing back something beloved lost to the winds, right?

And what is that beloved thing, you may ask? It is…

…the long, long awaited 31st update of my fic, after a year-long hiatus.

…and I’ll be sappy about that, as well as everything, of course, but firstly, by God, what a dreadful year it was.

I can’t go into detail for the sake of my privacy, but if it wasn’t obvious, all the ceased activity on most of my blogs and accounts wasn’t just out of nowhere, and I wholeheartedly thought two things— the first was, the chance of me no longer being here today was much higher than I’d like to admit, and the second…even if, by some miracle, I found myself still alive and well, I would have never been able to return to my usual doings in any capacity, seeing all my works as lost to time.

Well, if it isn’t clear, neither of those things happened.

There were no miracles involved, and the true reason behind it is ironically not one that leaves me joyful whatsoever, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still around, and not just that, I hopefully still have it in me to tie up some loose ends on all the works I wanted to make from the start.

Truth is, I’m very surprised I’m writing this at the moment— I’ve only gotten this update done in the past three days, and before that, I’d been completely sunken in a feeling of meaninglessness surrounding every single thing I’ve ever tried to do on here, but I think it’s taken some external matters to make me realize that even if that much is true, it could mean everything, as much as it could mean nothing.

Sure, maybe the posts I’ve thrown out into the wind will forever just be aimlessly floating, never to change a single thing in the world, but maybe, a single person will see them and be glad they were written, or even better, I’ll be the one who’ll feel glad I wrote them and put them out there, be it to the sea or to the wolves. And sure, maybe there’s no point in trying to change…ahem…some frustrating developments of events I’m reserving myself from commenting on for now, so what if I left all that be and focused on returning to something I’d hope some folks, as well as myself, could enjoy far more? In the end, I do hope my energy returns at some point and I’ll be able to do both again, but for now, seeing as I don’t have that, I’d much rather just make something I consider meaningful.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t know how long this train of thought will last for me, as I’m more than certain it’ll take me far, far longer to restore my own life back to how it used to be for me to be able to return to all the things I left behind for a day I could have only hoped for, but I hope that I can at least get back to what this blog really meant to me in the first place, and I’m relieved to have picked some of the pieces back up again as this year ends, hopefully allowing me to try and start anew. Some things won’t be the same, I may post stuff much, much less frequently, but that’s a choice I feel as though is right for me.

Overall, everything is…really bittersweet, if I am to summarize it in one word, but that much is better than if all was just bitter entirely. If there’s anything I can say as I am right now, it’s that at the very least, all the times I thought could be the end of everything have ultimately made the handful of lovely ones more precious than anything else I could think of, and that I’m glad for. It’s not much, but if it’s something, that’s just fine by me.

Well, enough sentimental rambling from me. I truly hope you all have a wonderful year, I’m wishing everyone all the best, and a huge thank you to anyone who’s supported me along the way.

Happy 2025 to you all! ♡

(And feel free to check out the update to my fic if you’d like. This post is sponsored by me, after all. lol)

[draycu]

So I recently took an amazing trip by car driving ALL the way from Houston, Texas out to Pittsburgh to spend this year’s Anthrocon with friends! There’s a LOT I have to share about the time on the road getting here and I will probably have a lot to still share going forward.

Why did I drive all this way? Who the heck even am I? I’m Draycu, and this is my first post ever on Tumblr, (I’m pretty dang sure at least) halito!! I’m moving here from Twitter after all the, ~stuff~, going on lately. To answer that first question, I wanted to grow and learn what it’s like to take a road trip in 2023 across the USA. There’s been a lot of changes I’ve gone through in the past, five years now? Change in career, changes to my family, and changes to my own body and sense of self.

I really want to share my experiences as best I can, show folks what it’s like doing something wild like packing your car and leaving for a journey of more than a thousand miles across so many different states and geographical regions! Hehe, I get a bit nerdy when it comes to travel too, and seeing the Appalachien Mountains was truly a magical experience to me. I’ve been a gal who’s lived her entire life in a place that’s mostly flat and lacks a lot of trees around the major cities. Seeing the steep roads and views in Pittsburgh has been INCREDIBLE and BREATHTAKING!!

Texas is also burning up a lot; my mom let me know the ac stopped working shortly after I left home. I’m glad I’m staying safe, and my friends have been really wonderful letting me enjoy the AC weekend!

So, I figure I’ll post stuff here, blog about my journey back home and exploration of the east coast back through the Appalachiens and down to the gulf coast of Mexico. (I miss the ocean and beach front a LOT)

Y’all can ask me stuff, I don’t mind! I’m not sure how many folks might come across my tumblr, but halito, (hello in choctaw language) and yakoke (thank you) for taking a look!

Here’s some more photos from my time at AC, it was WILD! (The guy covered by a poncho and armadillos is one of the awesome folks letting me have a place to stay while visiting Pittsburgh! His name is Kassc, lol)

[shoot-of-corruption]

let’s bring some more positivity to the rpc by brightening someone’s day ! anonymously or not, send 💕 or ( ‘HEART’ )

anonymously or not, send 💕 or ( ‘HEART’ ) for me to randomly pick one of my mutuals and write at least two things about why i love seeing them on my dash, writing with them, talking to them, etc.

@snowflakeryo and @no96-blackmist

Wow, I can't believe I still don't have enough of these to talk about all of you.... we gotta have to split again, folks...

snowflakeryo - I am really just glad that I have approached you again. I haven't seen you for eternity and apparently we are almost the same person in vastly different places, so that is very funny to me. I love your personal blog and your aesthetics, also have fun on the new Zelda game, I am still not spoilering myself PFFF XDDD

I am glad you are good and that your life is running a good course, go get it!

no96-blackmist - I couldn't possibly include all your blogs in here, but I am still glad I have seen you around here still, after being gone for so long!!

Glad to see you still terrorizing this community on tumblr, they need to get off their asses sometimes X'D I hope you are doing well, we aren't talking much privately, but I am still seeing you on my dash and Mariku gets a good laugh out of it <3

Have a great day and enjoy yourself as much as possible :3

[morathicain]

Hello beautiful beautiful Cain!

It's been a while uh? I swear I've gone from knowing EVERYTHING that happen in the fandom and knowing every BL/Thai series that was airing to absolute nothing

I can feel them knocking on my door

They want to revoke my veteran card

Anyway thanks to your blog i KINDA have an idea still on what is going on so thank you

A part of me misses the times were there were only 2 BLs airing (and one was most certainly a Chinese bromance) and that was it

But also I'm very happy that new folks have so much choice! And don't have to end up watching garbage only because it"s the only thing available (looking at you "my bromance")

Anyway idk if i'll ever be able to watch like

3 series a day like i once did

But hey who knows, for now i still need to see so many series that the fandom named "immediate cults" (like the one about the bodyguard? Idk man)

Anyway

Have a wonderful day and feel free to ignore this i just like sending you random stuff sometimes XD 💛💛

- Randy ✨

Hello Randy!! =^^=

So beautiful to see your message again, thank you for thinking of me ;) definitely not gonna ignore you since I cheered as soon as I saw your message!

I absolutely FEEL you! With so many possiblities and choices, it's hard to keep up to date or dive into a fandom because the next one is just around the corner. Which is also nice because we can actually drop shows we don't like and choose between the ones that interest us ^^

Glad my blog is kinda keeping you updated, altho I have to admit I am not participating in fandom discussions a lot currently (at least not openly). Partially because I have little time and partially because some of my current watch-shows leave me with certain opinions I don't necessarily wanna share with the public (since I don't have the energy for discussions) XD

I kinda miss the time when you could totally dive into one fandom while it aired and not necessarily come out of it again once it finished XD now it's switching to another story each day. Buuuuuut I'm a fandom jumper by nature and will still stick to several of those even years afterwards. I do hope you'll manage to watch those that interest you, whether it's a fandom cult (I guess you mean KinnPorsche? XD) or something smaller. Tackle what makes you happy and enjoy it =^^=

Also, pls feel free to send me any random thoughts you have, you truly made my day <3 Have a wonderful time and all the best for you!

[ozkit]

Sorry that I looked like a bot account. I saw your art years ago, absolutely loved it, and have finally traced the art to this account. I have just created an account, as it was the only way to follow and contact you. I see now you only allow private messages from accounts you follow, so I am putting this in the question panel. Sorry about that. I am not sure if you still play Animal Crossing: New Leaf or still create art of it, but I just really wanted to ask because you just never know the answer unless you ask. It is perfectly alright to say no and I respect that, but I thought it was worth a shot. I saw your realistic Animal Crossing towns art many years ago (the mayors and their residents as realistic animals), and I have always wanted to find the creator and see if you would be willing to make one for me of my mayor and residents? I was really hoping you take commissions, as I would be willing to pay. Again, if that is not something you do anymore or aren’t comfortable with, I totally understand 😊

Hey there, no worries at all! The bots have been very persistent, and often have names or name-adjacent strings of letters + number(s) - and no posts, and often no description, or a variety of emojis / etc. as a description. And always an avatar of a photo of something real, often women, but sometimes not. When you followed my blog, your blog didn't have any posts (and many of the other elements that made it look like a bot) - so I blocked your account. Sorry! Glad we've sorted that out. And you've got at least one post now, so probably you won't be mistaken for a bot by any other accounts you choose to follow! Don't be shy with likes / reblogs, that's what keeps the tumblr economy running ;)

Now, you also had a question! And the answer is no, I don't take commissions - and I'm no longer doing ACNL/ACNH drawings of folks' mayors with their animal residents.

Thank you for your kind words, and your understanding - I'm sorry you were an unfortunate casualty in the bot-pocalypse. I'm glad you've enjoyed my art, and even came here to seek it out specifically! I hope you continue to enjoy my art, and tumblr at large - have fun!

[wild-as-a-winter-storm]

Thoughts on the latest HOTD episode!! 

I really liked it actually, even though I know a lot of people have criticised it for various reasons. 

Lovely opening shots of Corlys and Rhaenyra.

Them parading Meleys through king’s landing D,: clearly a very bad idea and the small folk are horrified. Something I saw someone else saying which I agree with, is that it could have been really interesting if, instead of going with the “traitor dragon” thing, the greens had gone down the path of “look we’ve brought down that dragon who killed scores/hundreds of innocents at the coronation, and her rider too!!” That would have been better propaganda and would have been a nice acknowledgement of what happened last season. But even so, it was interesting to see people beginning to come to the conclusion that dragons aren’t invincible, they aren’t gods, they can be killed just like any animal. that begins to set up the storming of the dragon pit nicely. 

And yes, my hopes for a really fucked up aegon post rook's rest are a reality! I still think they’ll probably have him recover at least a bit quicker than in the book, but I am glad that they didn’t minimise his injuries and hopefully he’ll have a lot of scarring and stuff. And we’re getting regent aemond, yay! 

This also seems like a good time to mention sunfyre- people are speaking like he has died, but they can’t have changed things that much can they?! I will be really disappointed if they have, I love sunfyre. Hopefully it’ll be revealed that lo and behold, he is in fact alive. And hopefully quickly, or aegon will be devastated!  

The bit with alicent in the small council meeting and when it just focuses in on her breathing and her EYES, I loved that! 

I’m actually really loving the daemon in harrenhal content! Him nearly burning the Brackens was a brilliant scene, I was fully ready for horrible death by fire but it didn’t come! And him being confronted by the smallfolk, excellent! (They were right about them being highlighted this season, and I love it. Alys mentioned their plight too, of course, and there’s the Hugh the Hammer storyline, which I am enjoying.) And then of course there’s the mother-fucking scene everyone is talking about… like others, I thought it was Aemma to start off with, but then she said my favourite son!! I actually thought it was really interesting, and well done. The shots afterwards too, and Daemon looking so horrified, was brilliant. 

Baela and Corlys’s scene was another highlight this episode, so beautiful!! And I really like Rhaena too. 

Aegon saying mummy D,: 

A final thing to say, loved the last scene with rhaenyra and Jace, very exciting! And I’m loving this whole dismantling of the idea that only targaryens (and half-targs) can ride dragons. It sounds like George has been thinking about this too recently from his blog post! 

Looking forward to more, particularly the sowing of the seeds and hopefully some aemond at harrenhal content, but it’s kinda sad that there’s not much left now! 

[fuckyeahthescout]

Your blog is gonna be 12 years old this November.

THAT'S FUCKIN COOL AS HELL

Aw geez. I ain't even been doing anything with it.

[fruitcoops]

Accidental Family

Hey folks! This is one of two fics for the six month celebration of this blog! Woohoo! Blood on the Ice is one of the most popular series I've written, and expanding it into Josie’s (@prohibitionincurls ) Winging It world with her was unbelievably fun. Disclaimer: one of the OCs has ADHD and it is a central theme of the story--while Josie based some of his characteristics on her own experience, we both recognize that this is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Thank you again for six amazing months, and I hope you enjoy!

Lots of love,

Eve <3

TW for mentioned injury

“Oh my god, they’re gonna kill me,” the kid whispered in a wavering voice, sounding much younger than he actually was as he left the penalty box.

“They’re not going to kill you,” Bowie soothed, still watching the tunnel where Remus had disappeared mere minutes earlier. From what he saw, there had been a bit of blood, but the bruising didn’t look too bad. Then again, there had barely been enough time for anything to visibly swell before he was whisked away.

“Can I just stay in the box?” Felix cast a look toward the Lions bench and his voice cracked. “They can’t yell at me in the box, right?”

“Hey. Look at me, Marty.” Bowie took him by the shoulders and gave him a gentle shake. “The Lions are good guys. They’re not going to hurt you, but you did just fuck up one of their best friends. What would you do if someone hit me in the face?”

“Come on, man, I’m a terrible fighter. I don’t know how well I’d be able to defend your honor after something like that. It was an accident. Do you think they know it was an accident? Should I go tell them?”

“I know. They know. Loops definitely knows. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re a little cold at first.” He ruffled the rookie’s hair and turned back to the game; the Lions were moving fast and brutal, slicing right through their defense for yet another goal. Shit. Felix clearly felt bad enough already--losing the game wouldn’t make him feel any better. 

They ended up losing the game.

Bowie had figured it might happen; he would have had the same fire if it had been his teammate that got clocked like that. Hell, he used to have the same fire when he and Remus had played together, so he completely understood. 

That did not change the fact that once they got home, Felix was still borderline inconsolable. The 18-year-old wasn’t technically billeting with them, but the apartment he was renting just so happened to be in the same building, on the same floor, and right across the hall from his and Simon’s. This led to an informal adoption of the rookie and he was around their house at least five times a week, if not more. 

Felix Martin was a good kid, and that idea was confirmed when Kronk immediately took a liking to him; the cat loved nobody but the three of them. Bowie was grateful that he and Simon were there to quell some of the homesickness that came from moving out to a new city on his own for the first time. The transition was always tough, but they could provide a little support.

They parted ways from the team when the bus got back from the rink and drove to their building in silence. Once they made their way up the stairs and down the hall, Felix moved to go back to his apartment. 

“Nope,” Bowie said immediately, placing a hand on his shoulder and steering him through the door to his and Simon’s place. It wasn’t a good idea for Felix to be alone right now--there was nothing to do alone after a loss aside from beat himself up about it, and Bowie would be damned before he let that happen. 

Simon and Kronk were perched on the couch, but they both moved into the kitchen as soon as the door clicked closed. Simon took one look at the pair and carefully wrapped his arms around Felix; the kid practically melted. The three of them stood there for a moment until Simon pulled back a bit and tilted his head toward the living room. Felix nodded and Bowie followed the two, sharing the couch with Simon while the rookie curled up in the large armchair diagonal to them. 

He...well, if Bowie was being honest, Felix looked like hell. He chewed his lower lip like an anxious beaver and fiddled with the loose threads of the closest armrest; everything about him screamed discomfort. Bowie caught Simon’s worried glance in his periphery and let out a slow breath, trying to relieve at least a little of the tension in the room.

“You don’t have to relive it if you don’t want to. I saw the game. But if you want to talk about it…” Simon trailed off with a significant look.

Felix sighed and his shoulders caved in a bit. “It was just one of those moments. All of a sudden, I didn’t really have a grasp on what was going on, which feels like shit because I’ve been doing pretty well so far. I dunno. It was just...bad.” 

That was it. Bowie knew Felix had seemed a little off. When Felix mentioned he had ADHD at the start of the season during one of their ‘getting to know your neighbor’ chats, Bowie hadn’t thought much of it. But as they grew closer, he began to notice when Felix forgot to eat or drink, or got overwhelmingly excited about something, or when he suddenly spaced out. It wasn’t just Felix being Felix.

The whole team stepped up and became intensely protective, of course. They not only helped him remember meal times, but also scheduling, directions, and everything in between. Bowie felt especially responsible for reasons he didn’t entirely understand--there was just something about the kid’s sweet heart that struck a chord.

He also knew that Felix was highly emotionally intelligent, but had no concept of whether people liked him or not. He was someone who assumed the worst, all the time. So, Bowie decided to do the only thing he knew would work: after a few more beats of uncomfortable silence, he pulled his phone out, tapped a few buttons, and pressed ‘call’.

“Hey, Remus, are you alive?” 

An amused snort came from the speaker even as Felix blanched. “Hello to you, too, Bowie. Jeez, you’re worse than Sirius.  I’m one hundred percent alive, just a little swollen. Your rookie’s got a helluva shot, but maybe tell the kid to hit the puck and not my face next time.” 

Felix flushed red and put his face between his knees, though hearing the laughter in Remus’s voice and knowing that he was okay clearly took some of the weight off his shoulders. Bowie whooped internally and shot him a quick, reassuring smile.

“Yeah, the kid’s got spirit, but he’s also got ADHD. He’s great most of the time, but sometimes under extreme pressure he can’t figure out where the fuck he--or anything else around him--is. Something about focusing or neurons firing the wrong way, maybe? Either way, it’s why he’s a terrible fuckin’ driver.”

Felix flopped back against the chair with a groan. “How the hell am I supposed to know how far away the cars around me are based on the mirrors? And how am I supposed to park?!” 

Remus’s laugh echoed once again. “Don’t ask me, kid, I’m not allowed to drive, either. Not because I’m ADHD, but because I’m terrible at it.” 

“You can say that again!” a muffled voice called from behind Remus. 

“Please excuse my fiance,” Remus said politely. “He’s a jackass who’s trying to make me lay down again.”

Felix smiled, though it was a bit pained. “I didn’t get a chance to apologize earlier. That stick was totally on me. And--I mean, I heard some of the guys talking afterward and it sounded like you got pretty banged up, so I’m really sorry. Like, really sorry.”

“Hey, woah, you’re fine,” Remus soothed. Bowie recognized his ‘talking to newbies’ voice and hid a smile in the cuff of his hoodie. “It’s the name of the game, after all. Did Bowie ever tell you about the time I accidentally checked him into a wall? Or when I broke his visor with a puck? For context, this was when we were on the same team.”

“Or that time you kicked my legs out from under me and sent me sprawling across the ice during practice.”

“That one was on purpose.” 

Bowie glared at the phone, but Felix was snickering and his grin was genuine. It calmed him a bit. “Thanks, Loops.”

“No problem, kiddo.” Remus paused for a moment, then mumbled something inaudible to someone in the background before clearing his throat. “Bowie.”

“Yes?” Remus had never been a wild card, per se, but he certainly had a knack for asking strange questions out of the blue.

“Did you accidentally adopt a child or do my ears deceive me?”

Bowie was about to laugh at the absurdity of it, but then he took a moment to think, looking back and forth between Simon and Felix. “Fuckin’--maybe I did, Re, but he’s ours now. And if that’s the case, I’m going to formally request that you tell your fiance to quit being mean to my son.”

Remus laughed on the other end of the line. “Will do. Felix seems like a sweetheart, I’m glad he’s got you two.” 

Bowie nodded with a slight smile, even though Remus couldn’t see him. “So are we. I can practically sense Sirius hovering, so go let your boyfriend fuss over you for a little while.” 

An offended noise came from Remus’s side, followed by a lower laugh and the click of the call ending. 

Simon looked Felix dead in the eyes. “I’m seconding the ‘kid’ thing. You may just barely be a legal adult, but it doesn’t mean we can’t adopt you. Congrats on your new gay dads.” 

Felix’s bright laugh sent a wave of relief through Bowie. “You guys are only, like, eight years older than me.”

“Silence, spawn,” Simon said, pointing a playful finger at him as his grin widened into something sweet and lopsided. “Now both of you need to come eat something. I made cookies while you were getting pushed around for a living.”

Bowie was still worried about Remus’ face--he made a mental note to call the next day to check in--but all his concerns disappeared as Felix scooped the cat up for a snuggle and followed Simon into the kitchen. They may have lost the game, but he would lose a million Cups to keep that moment forever: his Simon fussing over them both, his cat purring in pure bliss, and his kid settling into place at last.

[theinkgirl]

I posted 6,997 times in 2022

36 posts created (1%)

6,961 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@greatlordfluffernutter

@ziracona

@coredesignixandnekonee

@guqin-and-flute

@cavitysearch

I tagged 5,523 of my posts in 2022

Only 21% of my posts had no tags

#mdzs - 1,837 posts

#wangxian - 912 posts

#svsss - 357 posts

#the untamed - 324 posts

#art stuff - 310 posts

#animals - 276 posts

#tma - 178 posts

#fave - 157 posts

#stories - 146 posts

#bingqiu - 140 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and sqq figures out that the sweet pathetic thing is largely an act and thinks it’s ridiculous but aso figures out it’s lbh’s 4d chess ploy

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

“I think living is an act of defiance. Every day you tell the universe, ‘I’m still here. Don’t forget me. I’ve so much I’m going to change.’”

-Hello From the Hallowoods

80 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

#4

omg so glad you thought the same about twv!! I just finished and so many different parts of the last episode made me so mad, idk if they're trying for a season 6 (even after saying this is the finale) but I'm not going to listen anymore. if you have recs for similar podcasts i would rly love them

lol I’m glad some people enjoyed my incandescent rage. Like. Woof.

I’m so sorry you had to sit through that finale. And baiting a new show just. Doesn’t do anything for me. There are so many ways TWV fell short and didn’t follow through that there is absolutely no way that I believe another show by the same writers will do any better. So handshake through the screen, Anon; I am sharing and understanding your problem.

As for recommendations, I like horror podcasts, but I usually like cosmic horror and folk horror best—which is a slightly different flavor of horror usually? Also a lot of the horror that I like is in book form. But for podcast recs, You’ve probably heard all of the ones I like, but here are some ones that I did enjoy:

-The Silt Verses: folk horror. Only one season is currently out. You get a lot of religious trauma, evil capitalism, and mythology somewhere in between nielman and Old Gods of Appalachia. A lot of old gods and their religions have been banned by the government. Two disciples of one of these illegal gods, a river god, are traveling the river looking for evidence of their god’s miracles and existence. The god itself, like All of the gods in this world, is horrifying and requires human sacrifice, the two disciples are both serial killers; and the state-sanctioned gods and the police sent after these disciples are Even Worse.

-The Magnus Archives: Cosmic horror/horror tragedy. Everyone and their dog seems to have listened to this but yeah. I’ve listened to it at least 3 times through. Very very good at not answering every possible question but knowing what questions need answering and answering those. Favorite. Also, I enjoy that it is and was always intended to be a horror tragedy, but that one character became So Powerful in personality and beliefs that they changed the way the author wrote the end. And capitalism is evil.

-Old Gods of Appalachia: LOVE this one. Cosmic horror/folk horror anthology. Capitalism is Definitely Evil. Really, really good understanding of the people and culture it draws from—which makes it feel kind of like home. Lots of angry and powerful women, lots of nuance, fantastic environment, Yuri Lowenthal was there?

-Alice Isn’t Dead: Surreal horror/cosmic horror. Creepy Americana. A woman thinks her wife is dead and then starts to see her in the background on the news, and then becomes a truck driver for the company the wife worked for in order to search for her. A complete story with a beginning, middle, and end. Good at knowing which questions to answer. Capitalism is evil. Human beings are hard.

-Hello From the Hallowoods: This show is so /comforting/ despite the horrible things that happen in it that it’s almost strange to call it horror. But it still is. It’s just a very kind horror podcast. This is fantasy horror and cosmic horror. The world changed and began to end when a cosmic horror-type god (an Indescribable) who was then killed, introduced a black rain and black water that killed a lot of life and has altered the rest. The dead rarely stay dead; but they come back changed. There are Monsters in the poisoned world. And a lot of the monsters are just people. A lot of the human people are monsters in disguise. The generation that saw the black rain start is in late middle-age and the children were born into this world. There’s a Huge cast, pretty much every character is queer, pretty much every character is nuanced, and there’s So Much Religious Trauma. Also, capitalism is evil; most of North America (at LEAST) was run by a company whose goal is to have all humans become their ‘customers’ whose bodies are protected while their minds exist in a sort of shared-dream world that was heavily marketed even before the world ended. There’s a huge rotating cast (including undead romance, undead robots, demons trying to defect from Hell, a girl trying to rescue her disappeared girlfriend and her kidnapped-by-capitalism mom, an invisible man, a forest-based commune under attack by evolving frogs, and a sentient car). Everything is narrated by an Extremely Invested and extremely comforting Indescribable whose domain is Watching Everything.

-Welcome to Nightvale. Guys, the show has run longer than it should have. It ran into problems when it started to try to answer some of its many long-running questions that shouldn’t have been answered; and the answers were so much less compelling than the questions. It sort of ossified eventually. BUT. The first several years of this show? Were amazing. This is the Foundation of modern narrative podcasts, and the father of queer podcasts. It’s the reason this medium is so much more diverse than others. This is surreal horror/horror comedy. And the first several years give you an Incredible Environment, occasional real fear, and /The/ Narrator (you don’t GET Jon Sims or Nikigkik or even Doug Eiffel without Cecil Palmer! You just Don’t). I think everyone should listen to this show, at least all of the way through the Strex Corp arc. Capitalism is evil, community is everything.

Honorable Mentions go to:

-I am In Eskew: surreal horror/cosmic horror. Sometimes a person just ends up in this incredibly fucked-up city. This isn’t my favorite kind of horror. But. It was well-written, is a complete story, and it was interesting. It raised some questions that I thought were left too open-ended. But the main character’s arc was told so thoroughly and completely, that I’ll forgive it. The confusing and unfinished vibes are confused and unfinished and bigger-than-the-story like Neverwhere*. If Neverwhere was surreal horror about an environment/city/genius locus that wants to just completely break your mind. Capitalism is still evil.

-Wolf 359: Sci-fi horror/thriller. Starts off as an episodic sci-fi comedy with off notes. Becomes a horror-thriller. Not my favorite brand of horror; some of the plot gets a little convoluted for me; but I did really like the character work. Capitalism is still evil.

*Neverwhere is one of my favorite books ever though. So the vibe isn’t what I didn’t love. It’s just the genre

Anon, again, I’m very sorry; and I hope you find something much better to listen to next.

If anyone else has recs for Anon, please chime in!

108 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

#3

What are the tumblr Dracula Daily folks going to do when they get to the end of the Jonathan section. Are they going to switch blorbos? Is Jonathan’s day in the blorbo sun going to be so clearly marked?

200 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#2

my sister was talking about wizard ghost book with me, and was like ‘I know there’s like 7 gay tragedies, but the most canon ones, the nice ones, (she was meaning wangxian and songxiao) both have the surviving person in the couple become the caretaker for the other one’s kid. And I really like that’

And she’s right. It’s a parallel I hadn’t noticed. You can’t not pay attention to LWJ raising WWX’s child while he’s dead. But Song Lan doesn’t just take the shattered fragments of his partner’s soul. He’s given (as if it’s the most natural thing to do) the shattered fragments of his partner’s kid’s soul too. And his stated goal is to safeguard both of them, take care of both of them, figure out a way to repair both of them get both of them back. He doesn’t have any promise he’s getting either of them; but he takes them both. He knew A-Qing for like 4 minutes before death, but that’s his kid now too.

I don’t know where I was going with this, I just saw that official art with Song Lan and the shadows of XXC and A-Qing and started typing at light speed

296 notes - Posted July 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

mxtx was so fucking baller for making the sex in svsss so bad. the meta deconstructing sex to save the world + why sex with the parody of an archetypical character in LBH model would suck but also just being 25-30+ with zero (0) experience. also it's just king shit to have the only sex in your romance novel be just the worst. legend.

1,744 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

I was tagged by @ziracona

So I'm going to tag any of the following people if they want to do it and haven't done it yet: @chellonihaoma @zukkacore @dangerouslytransparentgarden @baddielabelle @aethersea @thistaleisabloodyone @opheliaelric

[ingravinoveritas]

I need to vent lol: I cannot stand the thought of Anna being in Michael's next Christmas movie on Sky! Why must they put her in everything he does? Why does she behave like the little gold-digger the haters think she is?? Ughh she can't even act ffs! Anna girl, get your own life and your own career. Stop hogging Michael's.

Hi, Anon! Well, as I’ve said before, folks are always welcome to vent/rant on my blog, so I’m glad you feel comfortable doing so.

Regarding Last Train to Christmas, my theory--both when the movie was first announced and still now, as a new trailer has emerged--is that it’s a peace offering, of sorts. That Michael couldn’t (or wouldn’t) get AL a part in the second season of Good Omens, so here she is in a bit part in this direct-to-Sky holiday cheesefest instead.

What I find really interesting is, well...two things, actually. One is that when Michael initially tweeted about the movie last month, it stayed as his pinned tweet for a little less than two weeks, before he changed it to something else. The second thing is the tweets both he and AL wrote just a few days ago, promoting the new trailer. Here’s a screenshot of said tweets side-by-side:

In at least two tweets now promoting the movie, AL has tagged/mentioned Michael, and Michael has mentioned...his hair. Which is all well and good, mind you, because I had a feeling that one of his favorite parts of doing this movie was getting to wear a bunch of wigs and look like a hot mess. (Perhaps revenge for David having 520647 hairstyles as Crowley in GO while Michael had like...one. Haha.) But it is a curious thing that he’s never said a word about AL being in it, and that we perhaps wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for her QTing the initial tweet. 

Also, I don’t know if you’ve gotten to see, Anon, but according to IMDb and a first look picture that AL posted today, her character’s name in the movie is Astrid. So she’s playing a Swedish girl with blonde hair, which...I’m sure the BAFTAs will be coming any day now? Nevermind that you can actually see her acting in that picture (and her focusing on Michael instead of being in the scene or in the moment), along with that one facial expression she really seems to enjoy making. That is Oscar gold, right there. The thing is, if you watch the trailer above, AL doesn’t even seem to be in it (if I’ve missed her, though, someone please do let me know!). So I’m just confused by what her role is supposed to be in this, and it seems like posting that publicity still with Michael is her attempt at hyping up her role to make it look bigger than it is.

But again, I honestly don’t care that much about AL being in the Christmas movie if it keeps her out of GO 2. I know people have differing opinions on that, but for my part, I want her (and Georgia) nowhere near the second season of Good Omens (for various reasons). So if this is what it takes, I am all for it...

[cowboyjen68]

I really appreciate that you have this blog and take the time to answer all sorts of questions from young lesbians like me. I’m from a very catholic homeschooled community so, needless to say, older lgbt folk are hard to come by. I’m older now and luckily mentally out of catholicism but the community is still all around me. I’ve been able to get into contact with the other lgbt ppl from our small community. It’s funny how parents would talk badly about these kids but all it did was teach me who I was safe to talk to! The first lesbian I knew was in the group. She’s only 26 (I’m 21) but I still call her my lesbian grandma lol. I haven’t meet or rlly talked to any lesbian older than her.

I’m newer to your blog but I wonder did you grow up Christian? If the answer is yes, do you have advice on how to stay confident and sane as a lesbian while surrounded by homophobia within your family and community?

I am glad you were able to break out of some of the down right toxic teachings of Catholicism (and many religions in general). I was raised Christian by default. My parents were mostly secular. Dad never said it but he was an atheist with no time for church or ritual. He would talk about "going to heaven" and "god" but mostly because he was always taught that is how to comfort. Mom went to church many 20 times my entire childhood and mostly just because it was "craft bizarre" day or some other event.

I went to Lutheran Church camp with my best friend. My parents sent me to summer bible camp (likely to get me OUT of a few summer days. The summer camps I went to were all generically Christian. I spent from zero to 9 with our Catholic neighbors a lot because my parents worked full time and Jackie was home. They took me to church and church functions. My brother and his wife became born again when I was in my teens and I went to their (crazy) church and heard their religious opinions A LOT. I have a minor in religion because I was fascinated but the age of 18 how people could buy such utter bullshit (in my mind at 18) and never question the cognitive dissonance between belief and reality.

I was raised in a small town and it was very Catholic and Christian so even with my ability to see the flaws (since I had no real attachment) and went through a period where I was like "Yeah.. Jesus is my friend...he is like this cool hippy guy who will get me to heaven". I saw my Aunt Harriet being cared for in her older age by her church and the community it provided and saw the good side of religions.

My brother in law is a minister of Missouri Synod Lutherans. They do NOT like the gays. My brother is a "love the sinner hate the sin" kind of dude. My other brother was a pot smoking hippy with several college degrees (24 years older than me) and he was like.. "in humans homosexuality is unnatural. It makes no sense because we have sex to procreate" So yeah, I heard the crap from outside and from my own world and from those older siblings who were supposed to be my role models. Eventually I figured out, older does not mean wiser or more sympathetic. MY sister is my biggest cheerleader and I never give her enough credit for her willingness to go head to head with other siblings (she is 20 years older) and for always knowing I was a lesbian.. before I did.

In college I surrounded myself with mostly bi women and gay men. I was a bit afraid of lesbians (didn't want to be guilty by association) Many of them came from much more adverse conditions than I did and here they were (especially the gay men) living life out in the world (not that they did not have fear and even self hate and destructive behaviors--they did--but they were doing their best). 

My friends knew I was a lesbian even if I didn’t admit it until after college. But it was that “found family” that allowed me to at least go begin to meet other lesbians and soon that connection to older lesbians let me start  saying the word “lesbian” and go from there. They showed me the many ways we exist and how celebrating being a lesbian was not always waving the rainbow flag at gay pride. Sometimes it was gathering with other lesbians in a back yard or at a restaurant and enjoying the friendship of those who understand.

Basically i learned that I am a lesbian whether the world likes it or not. If I am alone in the woods forever... still a lesbian. I don’t need the opinions of others to know exactly who I am, who I want to be, so I found people who did like who I was. I still love my brother but I don’t need to spend time and energy on him. When I can hang out with a bunch of lesbians and roast marshmallows. 

[real-american]

Supernatural: A dedication to its memory and how the show changed my life

Fifteen Years. 15 years and over 300 episodes of the greatest show on TV. 15 years of joy, heartache, tears, fun and inspiration; and for me, 15 years, two marriages one divorce, two tattoos and a show that brought me the love of my life. Supernatural has impacted us all on so many levels. I could easily write a 15 page academic paper on the seasons, the meanings behind each season and all the little things that made the show so great. Things such as the music, the brothers Winchester, the family dynamic, and the beautiful 1967 Chevy Impala (my dream car should I win the lottery. Black four door version of course). I could go on about each major and minor character, how they impacted the show and what each of them meant to me and the fans but this is not what this is about. This post is about how Supernatural changed my life and how it impacted me.

First a few housekeeping things to address regarding the final season and the series finale. I thought the pre finale show was excellent but definitely could have been longer and included more. However I do understand they only had 42 minutes or so to cram 15 years of memories and characters in so I understand they had to only hit the highlights. They should do a longer version for the Blue Ray 15 season collectors set which I'm sure they will make and that I am definitely getting. Regarding the final season, I thought it was excellent. My wife, who is also a big fan of the show (more on her later) didn't think it was as good as other seasons but enjoyed it none the less. The ending was good sort of expected with the two boys ending up in heaven together, but I was surprised they killed Dean in the sort of nonchalant way they did. Sort of anti climactic for the greatest hunter in the world. The final speech to Sam was heartbreaking and heartfelt and I loved it! I also loved the symmetry of how Sam's son Dean also gave him permission to leave this world as Sam gave (original) Dean all those years later. I'm glad they didn't show who Sam's wife was and she was just left as a mysterious place holder. Originally I thought maybe they should have had him with Eileen but in retrospect the way they did it was better and honestly I'm not sure if she (or the other AU folk) were even brought back with the rest of the world. Maybe someone can clear this point up for me. I was really surprised they didn't do the "carry on my wayward son" beginning but I soon figured out before it even happened they were going to do it in the end of the episode which turned out to be much better. All in all I give the last season an A- and the finale and how it ended an A+ Again there is a lot to say about the final season, the final episode, and all the seasons but I will leave that analysis to other people. This is about what the show meant to me specifically about how it helped me through my darkest days and ushered in my brightest of days which I am living now. This is that story.

I wasn't with Supernatural from the very beginning. The show premiered in 2005 and I honestly hadn't heard anything about it or did I know anything about it for a few years. I came off active duty from the Marine Corps in June of 2005 and after fighting my beloved country's wars for a few years I was out of the loop on many things. I first came across Supernatural on TNT catching a re run here and there but with no real interest and only getting bits and pieces of the story. In 2010 I met my first wife and was a casual fan at this point seeing enough re runs on TNT to get a general idea of the storyline for the first few seasons but again only as a casual fan. At this point of my life I was also falling down a dark hole. My alcoholism which is a result of my PTSD from my combat service started to get really bad. I was drinking more than most people could handle but as my father was, highly functional. This led to me staying with and eventually marrying my first wife which was a bad idea. She cheated on me constantly and probably didn't even really love me. We were also polar political opposites (you can figure out my political viewpoints from the rest of my blog) and not compatible really in the least. Why I ever stayed with her and married her is beyond me at this point in my life. So there I was drinking my life away in a bad relationship and trying to figure out how to manage my life. Then Supernatural came on Netflix and I decided to give it a real shot. This decision changed my life.

I quickly caught up on the first six seasons and started watching the show live starting with season 7. I was hooked. I loved everything about it. Dean and Sam, Cass the car, the brotherly love, the monsters, the angels, everything but I still didn't know how this show would impact me in the end. I continued to drink myself to death getting unhealthier fatter and no longer resembling the fit Marine I once was. I was in a constant haze drinking an entire bottle of whiskey every night to drink away the pain of my bad marriage and the pain of not being loved and cheated on by my wife. Supernatural was the one bright spot in my life.

In 2014 I finally divorced my wife but this was only the first step. I continued to drink and destroy my life causing me to get fired from my job. Fortunately I was hired on back into government work making much better money and with having no wife and no kids was finally able to live a little better financially but I was lonely and alone except for the alcohol. I continued to find refuge in the bottle but also in Supernatural. I watched every episode as it came on, re watched all the old episodes, blogged and facebooked about it to the point that I am sure I was annoying the one or two friends that I had. The rest of my life was a blur. Get up, stumble into work drunk or hungover, go home sick and jonesing for my next drink, bottle of whiskey till one in the morning, a few hours of sleep and starting the whole cycle back over. I was fat, ugly on the outside, ugly on the inside, and a bad human being. My drinking got so bad I destroyed my liver and was medically discharged from my job but was given retirement for all my years of service to the federal government. So now I was 33 retired with a pension and VA disability and really nothing to do but sit at home drink whiskey and watch TV. I had no love in my life, one or two close friends who didn't like being around me anymore because of my drinking, and my family was worried but couldn't get through to me. Even after my father died of alcohol abuse in 2015 I still continued down my destructive path. Finally in February of 2017 I was hospitalized and was told I would be dead in less than a year. I truly believe I was touched by God at this point because I went home dumped out three bottles of alcohol and never touched the stuff again to this day.

Now I had to learn to relive my life all over without alcohol. I started to exercise and lose weight (90 pounds in 5 months) I went back to church, and I started to try and find love again and of course needing distraction and something to occupy my mind I dove deep into Supernatural. I re watched and re watched again all the old episodes, I poured myself into analysis of the plot lines and characters, I got tattoos on my arms (the demon trap and the anti possession symbol), I obsessed with everything Supernatural. It helped me stay sober. When I wanted a drink I would watch an episode, when I was feeling lonely I would go hang out with Sam and Dean. When I wanted to give up I took refuge in the Impala. I became a super fan. So far Supernatural got me through my divorce, was my bright spot in my alcoholic haze, and helped me stay sober when I first gave up my demons. I cheered harder during the happy moments of the show and cried harder in the sad ones. I was an emotional wreck and my feelings only seemed to come out while watching the show. Although I had quit drinking, got rid of my toxic ex wife and started to improve my life, I was still not happy. I was alone and lonely but Supernatural came to my rescue once again.

Throughout 2017 and the first part of 2018 I managed to be in two relationships. I poured myself into them grasping at them as if they were my reward for turning my life around and ignoring all the signs that they were not good relationships. I was still learning to relive my life as a sober person. I never integrated back into society after I left the Corps in 2005 and finally I was doing so but it was a hard journey. Inevitably those relationships failed and I was utterly heartbroken each time, but Supernatural was always there through the good times and the bad. When my heart was broken I would go find refuge in my favorite show forgetting about my problems and trying to help Sam and Dean solve theirs. Finally in May of 2018 I decided to try and find love again. This time it would be different and this time it was Supernatural that helped me get there.

As part of my recovery and daily routine I started to eat at my local diner everyday. Everyday from about July 2017 to the present time in this story I would go in, order 2 eggs over easy, hash browns, sausage, and toast. Everyday I would sit in the same spot at the counter (counter 6 was the name of the spot) order the same thing and even had my own special coffee mug. I knew everyone who worked there by name and they all knew me by name. They knew my order and had it ready for me when I came in. It felt like a magical place, a place that would forever change my life. There was one waitress/cook that I didn't see very often. She mostly worked the night shift but occasionally I would see her if I was there later in the day than usual or if she occasionally worked a morning shift. I was drawn to this woman. About the middle of May in 2018 I decided to maybe try and work up the courage to ask her out. I would always look for her when I went in hoping she was working that day hoping she wasn't too busy so that I could exchange a few words with her and hoping she would even notice me. Then one day in July I went in and she was there. I said hello and ate my breakfast but we didn't talk much. When I was paying for my meal the other gal working there asked  what my plans were for the day and I said oh nothing much just gonna go home and watch Supernatural. Then she turned around. The woman I had been trying to talk to, the one I wanted to ask out, Michelle was her name. She said, "I love that show I'm watching season 13 on DVD right now". I perked up a smile came across my face. Nervously I said, "oh cool yeah its my favorite show" Michelle nodded and turned back to work, I went to my car got in and smiled. I knew how I was gonna break the ice now next time. A few days later on my daily visit to the diner I went in a little later than usual. It was about 3 in the afternoon. It was dark and gloomy, raining, and cold. It felt like a Supernatural episode. It felt like a 67 Impala should have been in the parking lot and two good looking hunters should be in the corner on a laptop researching their current case. It felt like a magical moment. Turns out I was the only customer in the whole place. It was just me the waitress and Michelle who was cooking that day. They took my order without asking as the usually did and I could already see Michelle had already started cooking it. She finished and brought it to me herself. We exchanged a look and a feeling of confidence I have never had in my life overcame me and I said to her, "So are you enjoying season 13?" That is how it all began we started talking about the show. How we started watching it who our favorite characters were, how much we loved this season or that one. The conversation was seamless. We got into other get to know you topics around our conversation about Supernatural and it was like we were old friends talking about a show we loved. Eventually I got up and went to pay the waitress and she turned to go back to the kitchen in the back. Feeling an opportunity slip away I said "hey Michelle, maybe we should go get some dinner some time and watch some Supernatural together". I held my breath. She would surely smile and politely say no. She probably gets asked out all the time by the customers, beautiful woman that she is. Then she smiled and said "sure that would be great" I must have smiled so big and my heart skipped 10 beats! I got her number which she wrote on a order ticket and the rest they say is history. Ten months later I wrote ,"will you marry me" on the back of that order ticket and gave it to her at counter 6 at the diner where we met, where we first started talking about Supernatural, where my life finally changed for the better forever, and she said yes! We were married two months later on our one year anniversary and we just watched the final episode together yesterday. We both had tears, we both smiled when Sam and Dean, soulmates, were finally together at the end because we both know how it feels to be with each others soulmate. We held each others hand and said goodbye together.

Supernatural has forever changed me. It has been with me through every major event in my life over the last 15 years. Through the dark times, through the hard times, and finally through the current happy times. I guess it is ok that Supernatural is over now. I no longer need it. I have my wife, my Michelle, my soulmate. I am finally happy. I have Sam and Dean's permission to move on and they have mine. Good bye Winchesters. Good bye and thank you. You have taught me to carry on and find my peace when I'm done, and to cry no more. This is but one man's story, one of so many. How many lives has this show changed? How many people have found comfort in the adventures of Sam and Dean? I'm not sure the answer. Too many to count I would wager. 15 years and 300 episodes of the greatest show ever on TV. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  

[red-riding]

Please read if you have sent in a request

Hello all you amazing people, first of all thank you so much for supporting this blog. I wanted to create this quick post so if you have sent in a request for anything on this blog or want to send in a ship request you can know what's up. I understand how annoying it can be being exited about a request but be stuck waiting forever for it, so I hope this post will remedy that some. First i just want to say that I try to write a regular amount for this blog, but that can be hard so please be patient with my if my updates are sporadic at times. I take almost all Ap and Honors classes in school which I am extremely thankful to be able to do, but they also take a lot of work. And school will come before this blog so if I need to take day off for school I will and I hope you all understand. Also I may take days off on weekends when I spend the whole day with family or friends, so please be understanding of that. Believe it or not I do have a social life. 

Please read if you have sent in a headcannon/oneshot request: 

First of all thank you so much for sending in requests and supporting my blog! It means a lot and im sorry I move at a snails pace with your requests. Just know that the headcannon and oneshot request are currently closed as I am spending most my time writing for the wonderful 13 days of spooky writing event hosted by @dumbassunderthemountain (Check out their blog if you haven't). If you sent in a request before I closed my requests I will began responding to my pending requests again after halloween, probably one every day or two days. Thank you so much for being patient with me and my requests for headcannons and one shots will reopen once I get all my pending ones done. 

Please read if you have sent in Ship requests:

first I want to say thanks so fricken much! My ships have been blowing up specially in the silm community. I am so glad there is a niche group of folks who are liking my chaotic way of shipping and are exited to send in request as i enjoy doing them so much. I currently have 15 ship requests and the requests are still open. I am trying to get at least two ships done a day, however this may vary. I also sometimes will spend extra times on certain ships if I am not sure about what character yet and let it sit in my brain if that makes sense? I am taking these ships probably a little too serious with how much research I do, but that's the fun of it! I get to do a little character study for each character I ship someone with. 

Also if anyone has any good love songs please comment below, I use love songs on each ship requests and need a larger variety that I know since I don't want to reuse songs since I like my ships all being unique to the person who sent them in. And I try to choose songs that each are personal to the request and that can take a lot of digging to find a love song, so commenting some good ones will be a massive help!

[coplins]

(1/3) Thanks for responding. I totally see the queerbaiting/kill your gays criticism - it's clear from Misha's comments after the fact that he really thought he was doing something supportive and didn't get how it was the opposite. I wasn't upset with ignoring Eileen because that whole plot was so badly written, and I didn't mind blurry wife because that was a story they'd never have time to tell, so leaving it to be your choice of wife/co-parent (Jared's words) worked for me.

(2/3) I don't see Dean's lack of reciprocation as a problem because Jensen and the showrunners have continuously said that is not their intent in writing/acting that character, so anything folks read into it is subtext. Again, Misha thought it would be better rep than it was. It was a bad call. John isn't canonically a child abuser, just a lousy parent. Both Dean and Sam have done so many crappy things as well that honestly, they shouldn't be there by that metric either. 3/4) But I don't think the finale (awkwardly written as it was) cancels out their character development at all. They are different people - back at the starting point, but not the men they were when they started. Dean is emotionally open; he's dropped acting tough and can talk about his emotions. He can be alone and be okay. Sam is no longer afraid of his blood or turning into John; he can be a good dad. I wish we'd seen Jack and Cas, or heard them at least wish them well, even just a prayer. (4/4) But even though that was crappy to leave out, I don't think it negates the show or the characters. 19 added Cas and Jack's names to the table, and I can be happy with that as the final episode. I was prepared to pretend it didn't exist before it even aired. I AM really glad you're anti-harassment. The shit that even folks like Kripke have been getting on their pages has made me so sad. Dabb posted something about baboons and folks even thought it was about them, not his new show! (Also, sorry to dump like a huge text thing in your inbox. It's totally fine that we disagree on things. I've just seen so many crazy things like people blaming Jared and saying the episode was an ad for Walker and to boycott Walker - a ton of Jared hate in general, really. Or saying Jensen "Destiel Isn't Real" Ackles is secretly a heller who's been viciously silenced by the powers that be for years. And now Misha's getting dogpiled for trying to interact and understand how he fucked up.)

It's fine, Nonnie. :)

Okay, so, just to make one thing clear. If you enjoyed the finale, then I think it's great. For everyone who didn't get their joy sucked out of them, that's awesome! I got to see the Wincest side of my Tumblr dash go apeshit from happiness and I'm happy for them. I've since had to unfollow some of those blogs when they turned bitter and hateful towards those of us who didn't like the ending. I curate my Tumblr (internet in general) experience to avoid seeing hate thrown at ships, actors, characters, fans, or people in general. I unfollow people if they post too much toxic stuff no matter if they're Destiel shippers, angel fans, or whatever part of fandom they're in.

I try not to reblog too much angry/bitter crap either. There are a lot of posts on my dash that I wholeheartedly agree with but don't belong on my blog. And I've written my share of wank and rants over the years but seldom hit post because I don't want to ruin someone else's positivity. When I do hit post I tag it "spn wank" so it can be avoided. If I need to angry-rant I do so in chat. Sometimes I mess up. There are undoubtedly some less than nice posts in the Buckleming wank category on my blog.

Generally speaking, my M.O. is disengaging and/or vote with my wallet. I will never condone cyberbullying. No matter how famous the person, or how nasty they are, harassment isn't okay. Actions have consequences and I try to think of what they are before I act. If I vent hurtful opinions about an actor, it'll be kept in chat, with someone who understands that particular frustration. (Not related to the current situation.)

When it comes to canon, it doesn't matter what showrunners or actors tell us about how it's meant to be interpreted or how they meant to act it. Canon is what's shown on screen, period. As curious as I am about what the actors have to say about things, it isn't important regarding canon at all. I'll stan my boys no matter what their characters get up to on-screen. <3

Yeah, I've seen the theories and the dogpiling. Luckily, I've avoided seeing the Jared hate but I knew it would be there because the internet is a cesspool of people lashing out aimlessly or misdirecting their anger. Even IF they wrote the finale in a way that they thought would put a spotlight on Jared's upcoming series, HE was nowhere near a position of power to make that decision and should be left out of it. I just figured, if it was true that that's what they thought, then the Wincest bunch was their target audience for the new show. *shrug*

Interesting to hear your take on the finale. If I follow people who have your take, they're not vocal about it, or I'm simply missing it because I don't stalk Tumblr. All it takes for me to stop scrolling and go back to my writing is 3 unknown anime posts in a row or one reader-insert fic and I'm nope-ing the hell out of here. X)

I'm not going to argue against any of your points. It's great that you saw it that way. Fuck, I wish I did too.

I kinda feel like I need to address the child abuse comment I made, though. Some separate neglect and abuse like those aren't the same, some only count physical abuse, others include verbal abuse. Too many of my loved ones (both close friends and family) have experienced all three of those categories and the one who was left alone to care for her little sister as a child, definitely has a lot of mental scarring from it, so I'm counting neglect as abuse. That said, I fucking love John Winchester. So it might be Jeffrey Dean Morgan's charisma, so sue me. But John canonically neglected the hell out of his sons. We got proof of that even in this season when John drops his son off for days in a town where kids have gone missing recently. So, yeah... But, on the other hand, of course both he and Mary should end up in Heaven. Like, that wasn't even a question.

I think my strong reaction against it was how every part of the found family the Winchesters had gathered over the years was erased from the narrative as soon as Dean died. The only one who is shown as important is Bobby, a found-family member that initially was connected with John, not someone the brothers had found and connected with on their own. Bobby is also the only non-Winchester in the photos Sam has over his bed when he's dying. I don't know, man, "Everyone's here," simply doesn't do it for me.

"Family ends with blood" like the finale implied, only works if the greatest monsters in life haven't been family members, and my best friends (twins) growing up, just like my mother, were abused, mentally, physically, and sexually, by parents. I've seen the aftermath of those hellfires, how long it takes to assemble the fractures of your being and become, if not whole, at least functional and happy. For them, it was the friends they made along the way, those who loved them when they couldn't, who really mattered.

And that was one thing I really loved about SPN (and still do). Team Free Will. Wayward Sisters. All the people that they met along the way and connected with. I've loved to see Sam and Dean develop their bond by taking it from unhealthy, destructive co-dependency to step by step with several setbacks become their own individuals with lives outside of each other, yet still having the strong bond full of brotherly feels where the love they had for each other was rooted in respect for each other's differences and not who they "were supposed to be for each other". And unlike you, I can't see anything but regression in how the finale played out.

Okay, I gotta stop talking now. ^^ I have one scene my betas told me I need to rewrite in my next chapter, and another chapter half done, and I'm itching to post so I need to get on with it.

I hope I didn't put too much of a dampener on your enjoyment of the finale. My opinions don't matter. We all come from different life experiences and therefore find different things compelling and important. I don't begrudge anyone their happiness. <3

*Hugs*