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savventeen · 1 year

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OOH IF YOU'RE STILL TAKING ASKS FOR THE TROPE THING can i get vernon and like you two are assigned partners on an art project but he's awful at art LMFAO okay thank love you xx

JJ BELOVED HI HELLO I AM FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO THIS <333333

okay first of all i LOVE this idea skfjllkdfl this would definitely be a fun, comedic, romcom nonsense fic hehehe

i'm picturing this being set in like, a fucking calculus class and this project is the professor's way of trying to "bring more creativity to the sciences" or whatever. and vernon's just like. 'dude. how on earth is making a collage...sculpture...thing... supposed to help me learn calculus???' no one in the class really gets it either, since they can just, you know, do the math without having to create anything. but whatever, a little arts n crafts never hurt anyone [spoiler alert: it maybe hurts someone *cough*vernon*cough* a little at some point]

anyway, vernon ends up being partnered up with reader who, thank god, actually has an idea for what they can do for their project and also talks like someone who knows about art. in fact, they seem really into art and like, super pumped for this project. which is great! except, they're also really cute? and like, they're maybe kinda sorta the person he's been lowkey crushing on from afar since last semester???

and because having a crush sometimes makes you say/do stupid things, he tells reader that he can totally help with the art portion, easy peasy. [narrator voice: it was not, in fact, easy peasy] queue montage of the week leading up to when they're supposed to meet up again: - vernon desperately watching all kinds of youtube videos trying to learn how to Art™️ - him walking into a Michael's and just being so lost and overwhelmed that he just. has a bit of an existential crisis in the fabric section - he somehow manages to accidently cut himself with a pair of scissors while trying to do some kind of papercraft thing and has to go to the nurse's office. - his roommate (let's make it chan for funsies) is convinced that he's having some kind of mental breakdown "hyung, i don't know what to do, he's just staring at a pile of children's playdough like it holds the secrets of the universe. or maybe like it killed his pet goldfish. i don't know, he's just being weird."

all of this leads up to when reader and vernon meet up again to present their 'prototypes' of the art part of the project so they can decide which they like better and then start actually working on it. reader is already at the cafe they agreed to meet at, and vernon (sleep deprived and already overly caffeinated) walks up to where reader is sitting, drops his sad attempt at art on the table, and blurts "i lied about being good at art because you're really cute and it broke my brain a little bit and i'm actually really, really bad at it. i'm so sorry." and then he fucking WALKS AWAY because he's a LOSER and you were extra cute today and his brain is still a bit broken and reader ends up having to chase him down the street, his shitty attempt at art clutched in one hand, to tell him that it's fine, they can handle the art part as long as he does his fair share of the math

"and like. maybe i could, teach you? sometime? if you want to learn, that is. and i'm not the best artist, but i've taught some summer camp classes before, and—" / "wait, you'd really wanna do that? after seeing how bad at it i am?" / "well... it means i'd get to spend some extra time with you outside of school, so... yeah"

vernon of course readily agrees, and they start going on little art dates together (and yes, they're Date dates bc vernon finally gets his shit together and asks them out) and they get a solid B- on the project bc while reader is great at art, turns out neither of them are the best at math rip </3

[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]

#savv answers #savv writes #jj 🎸#i hope u enjoy the nonsense sldkjfsdlkjf

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blackstarchanx3new · 1 year

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FSR rambles...THE FIFTH ONE???

It dawned on me while I work on the 2nd flashback comic in a row I could talk about the scene between Blue and Green. I will probably have less interesting/insightful things to say about this chapter since it was mostly "Aftercare" for all the BS I put yall through with the Link chapter. X'D

I actually EXTENDED this scene from it's OG length not sure how obvious that is though. We all needed to heal. UwU Mostly me actually lmfao. I write obnoxiously fluffy shit after dark shit to make me feel better. X'D

IS IT TONAL WIPLASH!? MAYBE!? DO I CARE???? NOOOOOOO.

Jumping into this page after the last one it gives the impression Blue talking yanked Green out of his thoughts about Link/the past few days leading up to Link pulling the sword.

Twice now someone has warded off Dark Link just by talking to the person he's affecting. Previous being Shadow not so elegantly yelling at Vio till he woke the hell up but he was way deeper in in than Green is here.

Onto the more pressing matter of this page though:

Green feels responsible for taking care of everyone and was worried about what Vio was going to go do once he left the house: Note, we SAW what Shadow and Vio were up too but Green has NO CLUE. If he knew I feel like he'd be more concerned about the freakin' panic attack oof.

Vio just said he was going for a walk and hasn't come back for presumably hours. Right after the split too and with someone who is DUBIOUS at best. The situation kinda just sucks.

Blue gets annoyed with Green's stubbornness offering to take his place in waiting for Vio. The millionth sign he cares about Vio a lot despite his previous ranting.

Dude just decides to concedes to sitting with Green cause it's easier than trying to get him to sleep. Despite him OBVIOUSLY needing it.

Fair question to ask all things considered...

Not much to say story wise but art wise Blue is very cute and his super long side burns are one of my favorite things about him outside of his huge eyebrows. Yall will know weird eyebrows are a thing I enjoy drawing if you've seen my art for a long time. XD

That hug went on a little too long lmao. Blue's kind of shy about physical affection and I think that's cute.

Blue doesn't wanna be Link, like at all. He must have also caught Vio staring at the sword's pedestal because he knows Vio had thoughts about placing it earlier and knew Green had paranoia about Vio putting the sword back while on the "Walk"

Blue's perceptive.

Green says the gayest thing he possibly could prompting one of my favorite lines from Blue in this entire comic "Why am I the only normal one???" He's projecting his own insecurities about being "weird" onto the Vio and Green.

He really wanted the split to be the key to solving all their/Link's problems. Unlucky for him it just makes 4 times more issues oop.

Blue ain't an idiot. He can tell Green's not doing too well. UNLIKE VIO GREEN'S ACTUALLY HONEST RIGHT OFF THE BAT WITH HIS PROBLEMS/FEARS.

Blue decides he wants to be the 2nd most level headed character in this comic outside of Shadow Link.

Blue's a true bud.

Blue how dare you capture Green's heart. X'D Vio and Green are both desperate for comfort. I find Green and Vio were the ones affected by Link's depression the most.

Vio harbors a LOT of regret and anxiety. Green feels overwhelming pressure to do what Link did before the split while being "Diet Link".

Vio's less good at dealing with and communicating emotions are hard for the purple boy. Green doesn't have this problem and is with someone who gets what he's going through right away while Shadow wasn't sure WHAT was the problem when Vio started to break down.

Green never gets to that point at least not here.

Green and Blue also don't have the utter BAGAGE Vio and Shadow do lmao so that probably helps.

Green and Vio got baggage together that will be unpacked later. ;)

Lol Green's confession is cute. Blue's a lot less comfortable saying stuff quite like that. Red's the MOST comfortable saying that kind of thing so maybe this scene is OOC but Green's insanely difficult to characterize so I'm doing whatever I want with him. X'D

Blue hasn't been slick at all about his feelings towards Vio let's be real and Green calls him out.

Shadow Link pisses Blue off and I'm so giddy to show off more of WHY that is. (It's deeper than he's jealous which you can probably figure from his dialogue.)

Also just goes to show Link himself still harbored tough feelings around Shadow Link deeper than Vio's emotional baggage.

While Vio was in denial he was still alive despite the obvious fact he was there the whole time and the notion they could ever meet again, even HOPING they wouldn't, he still showed fondness towards Shadow and was happy to be around him.

Blue actively doesn't like Shadow and has been vocal about that fact. If Blue calling him a "Bitch" and a "Bastard" didn't make that clear enough.

Green you'll notice only at first mentions wanting Vio to come back but switches to mentioning them both in the next page. He also was the one who clarified Shadow was welcome to stay with them and was apart of their team. Showing a sort of neutral leaning on positive tone to Shadow's existence.

Red's relationship with Shadow is nonexistent at this point but will be explored later so I can't speak on it as of rn. Red hasn't had much of a role but I will point out I did like drawing him in the BG of these pages. XD He's still around just sleepy.

Blue's ability to sense danger is such an interesting thing about him. Like, that's so useful I wish we got to see it more in the manga.

I appreciated Blue way more as a character after drawing these pages and it made me change how I wrote him in certain scenes in the script X'D

I want him to have just as much depth as Vio and Shadow, because while Vidow had a strong focus at the START the whole of the comic leans on: A sequel to FSA vibe.

We're left on a cliff hanger for what the hell Blue's afraid of...Vaati perhaps?

We'll see.

Blue being protective of Green was smth I thought would be cute, but Green also trusts his judgment.

Also smth that will be touched on btw and I'm sure yall have noticed is: Where the hell is Princess Zelda/what is she up too. Considering she got a letter from Link.

#four swords adventures #four swords manga #four swords returns #shadow link #four swords returns au #loz #loz fsr au #four swords #FSR rambles

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rockybloo · 2 years

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Ok so I dunno how exactly to phrase this so I'mma do my best but to avoid potentially getting people grump at me because I am just letting folks run around willy nilly with OCs, I'm gonna ask that if you are sharing my art anywhere, that it's simply to show people and not suggest it for things as a replacement.

PLEASE only suggest my art if there is something somewhere LITERALLY ASKING "Hey show my some cool art" or there's prompting.

And even then please ask me so I can check what's goin on.

I prefer being laid back and chill with my OCs and stories in my own little corner where I don't bother anyone and just ramble (because I highkey don't wanna have a lotta traffic to me because shit gets overwhelming honestly) but I know some people are more extroverted about them. Which is cool but when it gets to the point of potentially upsetting the balance in other places, I'd prefer if we all chill.

I cannot stop a "fandom" from forming because at this point, you can't escape it if you are working on a project publicly and online but I CAN try to stop a toxic one so please lets keep stuff humble.

If you wanna gush about my stuff with pals or in places where you are prompted TO gush.

#rocky rambles #i don't wanna have people messaging me about people misbehaving and feeling like I am a bad parent to randos online #important rockypost

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iantimony · 2 years

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shabbosposting take 2

one day late, bonus edition: 2022 recap + 2023 goals

listening: I made a playlist of hebrew/yiddish metal and prog so that's been a highlight recently, I really like orphaned land so far

edit: i also have free bird stuck in my head bc we did fake karaoke in my friend's basement on new years eve and my bf put it on and now It Will Not Leave

reading: nothing to be honest ... oops ...

watching: finished Bocchi the rock, extremely charming, sparked joy. I've been rewatching hbomberguy video essays because they are reliable and good to have on in the background

playing: a little more hadesgame, Thinking about disco elysium and w101 but I haven't actually done it

making: I did do some embroidery! unfortunately I was. Very optimistic about how much I would get done over break. I brought it home with me with the intention that I could mail it from here but I am going to definitely have to bring it back with me lol

BONUS: what delights have I experienced?

walking around: kinda minor still, mostly just walking the dog

fellowship: part of why I am Very tired is because I have completely filled my schedule with seeing friends :") so I have really had no time to myself at all which is kinda overwhelming. but it's been really good to see everybody! I just wish I had a little more time to fit everything in and not feel so crammed

deliciousness: did a christmas day brunch at ceruleanvulpine's, super delicious spread with eggs, french toast, bagels, sausage, little cookies...dinner at the bf's place after, lamb and kebab and pesto pasta and just kind of a fun mishmash of different style foods...indian food at a friend's place new years eve...and then new years day brunch yesterday with cold cuts and I made my favorite orzo salad. I made myself a BANGIN sandwich today with the leftovers it was great

goofing, transcendence, amelioration, enthrallment, wildcard n/a

---

general reflection

2022 was kind of a weird and bad year! I spent most of the first half of 2022 dealing with the fallout of Dead Parent Zone, got a bad enough grade in a class that for the first time ever I had to retake it, and grappling with being so far from home for school while also dealing with all that shit. then I took on way too many obligations for the fall semester and shot my mental health in the foot a bit as a result.

there were some good things too, though - I was nervous about how a long-distance relationship would go but it's honestly going so, so well and he's been a real source of joy for me this past year. I did pass my classes even though it was a struggle so I don't have to retake anything again, and I already planned to do less next semester. despite it all I did finish a little art, and I got back into life drawing, and had a lot of good moments with friends. in general I think graduate school has been a good choice for me so far, and as much as I bitch and moan about indiana it's like, Fine,

but actually the people are really good, I have a great support network, and ultimately I think it'll continue to be good. it's really made me appreciate the east coast LOL

2023

as ceruleanvulpine said in their resolutionpost, I wanna make more weird art! in general I want to create more and fill the enthrallment, amelioration, and transcendence delight categories more often. I want to finish this embroidery project (ideally soon), the knitted tank top I did that just needs the straps, scarf for my SO...I'd love to start writing again and play more horn but we'll see

I also wanna listen to more weird music, and invest in actually owning some files, especially for some of the lesser-known bands and through bandcamp and stuff

this past year I definitely fell back into some of my more unhealthy coping mechanisms just to deal with the day-to-day (specifically extreme dissociation), I really want to kind of dial those back again, focus more on existing in Reality and more in each moment, which hopefully will also help with some of the skin picking and other anxious habits that resurfaced. maybe more yoga, maybe re-establishing a meditation process, idk yet but I'll work towards it

I would love to think more about my fashion and how I present myself too, and work on making and tailoring more of my clothing in general

I've been pretty good about being active so I'd like to keep that up, I still can't do a pull-up but maybe this is the year! (lol) I should also start doing some minor exercises for my shitty arthritis toes to keep those okay

a lot of last year was kind of a wash regarding research so I'm really looking forward to refocusing on that and really getting things moving.

finally! I want to get back to tabletop! I miss doing it so much! it fell by the wayside for me because of how busy and overwhelmed I was, especially this past fall semester, but I want to start running and playing games with my pals again.

maybe Too Many things listed here, a little ambitious, but maybe that way I'll be able to hit at least one or two of them :b here's to 2023 and making it better than 2022!

#tuesdayposting #2023

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ihavenowheretosharethis · 2 months

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[20240713]

Yesterday i was talking to my mom and the conversation (i asked) led to her telling me that she found me stubborn. That i only liked to hear what i wanted to hear and that i refused to see the actual truth of things. She told me that i lacked ambition.

For context she was mostly referring to my work situation. I am currently a freelance artist. I'm 22, i rarely get Jobs (mainly cause i just started) but the speed is slowly picking up. I live with my parents, which is incredibly normal in our country. (Ppl aren't really expected to leave their parents' house unless they're getting married or getting a job in a different city.) but the main issue ig is that i refuse to work a 9 to 5.

I got my degree 2 years ago in graphic design. I've been through internships and in my country most of the 9 to 5 design jobs are hell. They overwork the shit out of you and underpay you. And i don't really see the point as i can get in 2 days what ppl struggle for in a month. I also hate how commercial the work tends to be. I want to design for or subjects i love, do something I'm actually passionate about. Not soulless PowerPoints projects and Logos.

The other thing is i have ADHD and while I'm not officially diagnosed I'm pretty sure i have autism as well ? It's another reason why i cannot stand a 9 to 5, it's incredibly overwhelming. I don't think i can work for other people. I even tried going part time but by the time a month passed i was already over it. I think it's because working in office jobs requires lots of masking. And I honestly can't focus on something for the entire day. I can't sit in front of a laptop working on one thing for 8 hours.

But I can't explain all this to my mom. She wouldn't get it. She doesn't believe in adhd and she has a stereotypical view of autism.

I want to work in freelance. I want to build my own projects, have my own website and sell my own art. I want to be independent and self sufficient. It's not like I don't want to work i really really really fucking do. It's just i wanna work in things i love. I want to build myself a life where i can actually live instead of just surviving. A life that i will actually enjoy.

But I also don't really know where to start. Or maybe I'm just scared to because it would require me to put myself out there so much and that honestly terrifies me a little bit, especially as a queer Neurodivergent person living in the kind of country i live in.

Her telling me i lack ambition and that i can't see the truth of things is so ironic because I'm out here shooting for the stars.

I shut her down every time she starts talking to me about work because she likes to go on a tangent about how I've wasted the past 2 years of my life. Because she tries to push me for something I can't do and I don't need to hear that shit. I don't need to hear how I'm not living up to her standards. I know that I'm lucky i can work freelance because my dad can afford to pay for everything else. I know that tomorrow they could die or something could happen and I'd have to get my shit together. I know that time passes super fast, that money is important, that what i want might be too idealistic yadda yadda yadda.

I didn't waste the past 2 years of my life. Those past 2 years were so beneficial to my mental health. I learned so fucking much and it improved me as a person in a way a 9 to 5 never would have. If I hadn't taken those 2 years i would've never met the people i did meet nor gotten the really amazing opportunities i did get.

It's so stupid to say that I've wasted the past 2 years just because I'm not living up to your typical societal expectations. I knew what i was getting into the moment i chose this career. It's not easy, but I didn't choose it because it was easy. I will fucking get there at some point but stop expecting me to do it overnight.

#dear diary #diary entry #blogging #i write #writing #shitpost

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dumbbitchfrommars · 2 years

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Hellloooooo. I cannot be bothered sitting up to write in my journal, so here I am. I have a big few days ahead of me. Lots of work. I have a day off on the first hot day in a while so of course I’ll seize the opportunity to go for a swim in the ocean. The only problem… I also wanna get laid. And he wants me to come over but I am torn if I should make the drive. I mean it’s kind of fate that he lives by the beach. It’s what, an extra 20 min drive? Whatever! You’re laughing. I love that phrase. Anyway. The name Ashley on a man is new. And he’s a short king like D’Arcy. And he’s TATTED!!! And he’s so, so, so hot. I would be stupid to not do it. Plus he’s in his late twenties so I can only hope and pray he’s got some idea of how to work a woman. Anyway. I’m doing back to back long shifts and then I’m at the bar until 2am. I’m gna be fucked. And then work again 12 hours later if I can manage to get to sleep for 9-10 hours. Tbh I still think it’s doable. Last time it was pretty tiring doing the 12-6 and 9-1:30. This is that but extended. Like +4.5 hours. Oh boy. God willing! I have full confidence in myself. Tonight was my first night swimming in yonks. Oh my god it was wonderful. I had so much fun and I pushed myself. Im actually getting better. And I actually did well despite all the time off. My body thrives in the water. I absolutely love it. I ADORE IT! Thank you god for this magical beautiful and nostalgic connection to little Me. To catching the bus home freezing cold with mama and my sister. To getting a cheeky lolly or chocolate milk from the deli next door before going home. To the pretty, colourful, frilly, beautiful swimsuits from back home that made everything all the more fun. To diving into the pool with the help of my instructor. Just an oblivious happy little girl. Now she’s grown up and she’s chasing every dream she could have imagined. I’m so proud of myself. And I’m proud of my decision to make art today, when I was really struggling. I was so overwhelmed with pain, hurt, anger, stress and sadness today. I couldn’t shake the feelings from work. It’s teaching me where I need to put up better boundaries, to protect my spirit while I’m surrounded by the spirits of that place. 🤯 perhaps that was why I kept seeing 888 around. It’s an important lesson the universe needed me to see. Not to mention the spider and dragonfly earlier today! Oh my god! That was a big one. I was a bit too distraught to fully appreciate it. Nah, I definitely appreciated it. But I don’t know if I understand it. Transformation, feminine energy, or perhaps it was C saying hello? Anyway. God, please continue to send me strength and protection. I’m so excited for the remainder of this month and year, and for what’s to come in 2023. I appreciate and am thankful for all the messages and lessons you’ve given me. And I am grateful for the same that you project into my subconscious and dreams. It all has meaning. I can’t stop thinking about that man and his dog in Melbourne. I might have been the only person to witness such a beautiful, wholesome, innocent, loving moment. Just a man and his dog. Pulling off the tufts of undercoat his sweet unsuspecting husky was shedding. And all the pieces he’d picked away, floating along in the wind down the dimly lit alley. Just… perfect. I’m so lucky, to witness such a perfect and innocent moment. For some reason I think I’ll never forget it. Core memory. ❤️ anyway that’s enough of me. I’m ready and open for what comes next. Sweet dreams, my beautiful sweet lovely girl!! My wife! My mother! My daughter! My gorgeous goddess queen!

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bivproject · 2 years

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Hello!

I’m an artist and writer, and this blog is dedicated to a group of original characters that I’ve spent the last 4 or so years creating (at the time of writing this), and I’m very quite excited about them :)

A lot of those four years have just been me building up and tearing apart the world building and plot, and overall just being indecisive and unsure. By this point though, I feel like I have a fairly good idea of the both of them, as well as of the characters, meaning that it should be relatively smooth sailing from here. Probably. Hopefully. Maybe. Eh, we’ll see.

As for what am I planning to post on here, I'm currently trying to get all of the major characters’ designs finished up as that seems like a good place to start. The story has a, uh, rather large cast of characters (of various plot importance) and I'm really looking forward to talking about all of them. But, for the sake of clarity (and to make things less overwhelming for all of us), I'll try to begin with the main characters and work my way outwards in a progression that feels natural.

This blog will include character designs, concepts and ideas (both drawn and written), world building stuff, sketches, finished art, and perhaps some writing snippets (because I do plan to write for these characters, but it's quite the daunting thought so I don't expect to be doing that anytime soon. I wanna make sure I'm thoroughly prepared before I start) and everything else that relates to this little world and it's characters. Maybe some background information of what BIV has looked like in its previous versions, who knows. Wherever the brainrot takes me, I'll go lmao.

I'm mainly just creating this to have a place to unapologetically ramble about my silly little characters. I have a lot of other ocs as well (that will be brought up in my general art blog and on other platforms), but these particular ones are especially dear to me which is why this whole blog is about them only.

Also, I should probably give the name a bit of explanation: BIV is a placeholder name, and is the acronym of an old title I once gave the story, tho, the original meaning behind that name is not at all relevant to the current version of the story. It's just nostalgic (and already all over my notes) so it'll stick around until I feel confident enough in another one.

Just like the title, everything I mention here on this blog is subject to change as I further develop the whole thing. I think a lot of it will stay the same anyways tho as I'm pretty content with most of it, but it's not guaranteed!

As a thanks for reading all of this, here’s some themes and things that you'll definitely find in this project:

Royalty, overprotectiveness and restrictions, family dynamics (both blood family and found family), a constant search of your place in the world, a pub owned by two ex-pirates, at least one cat (and one dog, I think)*, hurting and healing, at least one royal ball and some self-indulgent gayness.

(*Update: One cat, one or two dogs and a horse. Perhaps more horses. Maybe more cats. Perhaps birds. An undecided amount of animals, but trust me, there will be animals)

That's all for now! Thank you for reading :D

-F

#oc #original character #original fiction #wip intro #book wip #I have no idea how to tag dear god idk if I’m using these correctly I’m so sorry #writing project #original project #art project #original characters #story wip

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wank127 · 3 years

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sorry in advance if i’m spamming your notifications /gen!

i just remembered that denki existed and i’m craving [neurodivergent] headcanons and your blog kinda has a lot of good reblogs n posts of that so-

you’re not spamming at all, in fact i didn’t even see this till now since i don’t normally get any asks ! (thanks for the ask btw <3) i hope you enjoy !!

neurodivergent denki headcannons !

disclaimer: i, myself, am currently in the process of getting diagnosed with adhd/autism/whatever it is (i’m not self diagnosing but i did get 8/10 on an autism assessment given to me by a doctor so that must say something) so this is a wee bit of me projecting. my intentions for this post are not to offend anyone in the nd community nor spread any miss information. please correct me if i make any mistakes ! and apologies for it being so long i’m still trying to figure out the ‘read more’ thing !! now ! onto the head cannons !!

he has MAJOR sensory issues and issues with bad textures

his main ones are foods that are a mix between solid or liquid, like a soup that’s meant to be smooth but isn’t or like very wet bread, anything sticky and that one inside of a hoodie feel, like the one wear it’s like fleece but it feels like plastic and somehow creamy and just BLUGNXJSK y’know?

he has that not right kind of thing(iykyk) where he has to say a word/phrase again till it feels right, or touch the desk again, or hit the back of foot again to make it right

it gets really frustrating sometimes

he surprisingly likes velvet, fun to play with, cool to drag your finger around on

he has very bad memory problems

like really bad

they cause him to breakdown every time he has a test cause everything he tried to study was just,, gone,, no where to be found

he opens up to present mic about it and he’s a big help, gives him extra time for testing, helps him with study techniques, gives him more reminders, etc etc

mic and him are like that student-english teacher duo

(no bc they’re the same person just different sizes please)

he struggles with reading a lot too, he knows there’s words but his brain just won’t recognize what they are

word soup

his main special interests/hyperfixations are old english literature, true crime/psychology/criminal stuff, literally anything to do with art and physics(electricity stuff)

he has other ones like cars and how to annoy bakugo to the brink of tears

his most common stims are happy flappy hands, putting his hand into a thumbs up and squeezing, rocking back and forth and swinging his legs about

his like calm down stim is humming, having some form of pressure(weighted blanket !!) and rocking a little bit

he gets overwhelmed by questions a lot

like if he’s not prepared to answer one and he gets asked TWO he’ll just go ‘nope’

he’s nonverbal sometimes, especially when he gets overwhelmed

he zones out and daydreams for like,,, 70% of the day

his favorite texture for food is something like mash potatoes, like a doughy texture, one that just sits right in the mouth

(potato waffles are his go to food (british thing but they’re so good))

just enough chew but not too much, not too wet not too dry

speaking of dry food,, he hates it. dry biscuits(cookies) are a no go if he doesn’t have a bunch of water/juice with him, he also just doesn’t like hot drinks

he’s god fuckinh amazing at art, like painting, drawing, sketching, everything

he’s so good at it

he ‘doodles’ in all of his school work and books, most of the time it’s of aizawa or present mic (or,, *cough*his crush*cough*) and they’re super accurate

when he goes to sleep he has to have a small tea light candle lit, his over the ear headphones on and playing asmr and a hoodie (comfort hoodie, gifted to him by kiri) with the hood up and pressure on his feet(like just his blanket covering them is fine)

no other set up is allowed

he uses fidget (simple dimple pop) and sensory toys

they got taken away from him in class one time, he almost cried it was so sad

RAGE

so much rage

god

when he was younger he used to scream bloody murder when he had to put on sunscreen (same boo)

refused to wear it until his parents got him a spray on sunscreen (it was just like an oil/water based sunscreen that just,, wasn’t sticky, it was perfect) he still uses it to this day

he loves music, so much

it’s so cool

so many playlists

has like ten different ones that he made just for long car drives

like all the sounds and noises just make his brain so happy

he likes bo burnham cause he has very good lyrics and sounds that make him wanna share them with everyone so they can be happy too (especially ‘sexting’ , ‘oh bo’,’ words words words’, ’rant’, the kanye one, ‘we think we know you’, ‘channel 5 news: the musical’ and ‘bezos’ 1&2)

(omg channel 5 news is so good)

his number is 5

he’s kinda scared to do good in school bc his rank in class will go up and what if it lands on an ugly number??

he’s quite unintentionally restrictive with his food

he just forgets to eat or that he’s hungry

he’s working on it tho dw !

his accents are like typical british/english, australian and southern american

pop out at random times

like he’ll ask present mic to repeat the page number as a southern bell little lady

had a vocal stim that was opra singing “milly rock pick it up”

lil jon vocal stim

(YEAH)

his room is very messy and cluttered from all the failed hobbies and things he just forgot about

expect him to cook but DO NOT expect him to clean up afterwards

like iida will walk into the dorm kitchen in the morning and find this huge mess thinking someone broke in

and kiri is like: oh ig denki was hungry i wonder if he has leftovers

okay i think i’m gonna end this one here lol it’s getting kinda long ! i hope you liked it ! <3

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peridyke · 2 years

Note

Can you give more details about your lapis comic? Like what time is it set in or is it an au or a rewrite? I'm sory I'm just curios 😔 it's really fun seeing your occasional posts about it

omg yes ofc thank u so much for asking 🥺🥺🥺 YEAH so its basically intended to just fill in what I would consider as a missing arc for lapis, everything in it is written so that it could believably have happened in the show offscreen similar to how other series spinoff comics have done things. Its not an au and not intended to be a rewrite, I'm doing my best to just expand on her character in a way I think was implied in the show but was never fully fleshed out (imo). I have a prologue that takes place right before Super Watermelon Island, then parts 1 thru 4 take place between seasons 3 and 5 and I have an epilogue that takes place a month after Change Your Mind. Hopefully the end result fits decently within the narrative of the show without too much suspending of disbelief necessary. Also gonna fill in missing development with her and Peridot obviously.

I'm writing it with the intention of it being a psychological horror while not being jarring different toneally from the show aha. I've actually been going out of my way to watch and read more surreal and psych horror based media to try and get more creative with it, its been a good way to get myself to finally pick things up that I've been putting off looking into! The horror elements are definitely secondary to keeping things feeling natural within the universe and I'm not introducing anything that would feel absurdly out of place (at least I hope not!) I would say the peaks are maybe equivalent in tone to Keeping It Together with maybe sometimes veering a little darker but nothing crazy.

ANYWAYS I'm hoping that I'm not overwhelming myself haha, I'm being really careful about how much I'm public about before I at the very least have everything completely scripted because I know from personal experience that jumping the gun on starting huge comic projects before you're prepared can quickly lead to a ton of stress and burnout. The comic has a title and each part has a thematic name but I'm gonna wait until everything is more solid before I actually say what it's called lol, its just another way to keep some pressure off myself until I feel like I'm ready. I am working on making a set of pages for a scene that I really wanted to see visualized so I can feel out the style and look that I'm going for and once I'm done I'm gonna post em here! I'm probably gonna release it one part at a time but I'm gonna wait until I at the very least have everything sketched before I go that far, once I'm ready I'm gonna make a little neocities website to host all the pages on ^__^

Ok sorry this is kinda going on for a long time, I wanted to be a little more specific but there's like a lot I wanted to cover LOL I really the commentary and interactions people have with my art esp anything having to do with this project 🥺 staying motivated with big projects can be really tough especially with things like comics and I don't wanna expect too much out of myself but people interacting with my art on here has really put me in good spirits about creation and I'm really excited to share everything one day <3 if anyone ever has any other questions abt it u r very encouraged to ask i love to talk about my projects

#askz #txt #thank u sm for asking <3

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firelord-frowny · 2 years

Text

some thoughts about the uhhhh possibility of starting adhd meds.

im reading all these descriptions of positive experiences people have had with adhd meds and it's all this stuff about how, all of a sudden, they gained the ability to just DECIDE to do things. they could get up and make their bed and cook breakfast and do a lil workout before going to their job instead of waking up and then just, idk, picking at a fucking loose thread in their bed sheets for an hour and a half before rushing to throw on some clothes and then forget to pee before hurrying to work.

people talk about all the goals that had always been out of their reach that they're now accomplishing. they get their masters degree. they land their dream job. they eat better and exercise.

and like...

as much as i loathe ~altering my brain chemistry~ as a concept if only because i honestly do love myself the way i am and my only issue is that i can't seem to function in this particular culture/era/society,

the thought of finally being able to ACTUALLY FINISH my artistic goals THRILLS me. i have dozens of unfinished violin covers/arrangements sitting in my soundtrap account. dozens of unfinished transcriptions handwritten on staff paper that i can't even find anymore. i've been meaning to learn the entirety of vivaldi's four seasons for like 12 fucking years. been meaning to record versions of La Folia. Been meaning to finish like 5 screenplays. been meaning to put together some kind of ~chapbook~ featuring my creative nonfiction and my photography artsy lil iphone pics. the method book i've been writing is off to SUCH a fantastic start but i just CAN'T get myself to COMMIT to working on it on any kind of schedule. I've been meaning to audition for grad school. i KNOW now that i AM good enough to stand a chance at getting into Eastman or NEC or Stony Brook, and i know i could be all but GUARANTEED admission into Peabody... but I know I need some coaching before I'll truly be prepared for those auditions, but i just cannot seem to get myself MOVING in terms of searching for a teacher who's qualified and willing to help me. i wanna turn myself into the Number One Choice when anyone in the area is looking for a session violinist. I wanna develop art/music/etc projects that I could pitch for various ~artists in residence~ programs like the ones hosted by the national parks service. i KNOW i could create something worthy of Denali or Crater Lake or Kings Canyon.

BUT I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T!!!! I can't think straight! I can't draw a straight line between any two points in time or space! even a fucking lightning bolt, with all its fractals and leaders and jagged little tendrils is more streamlined and less chaotic than I am. every idea i ever have scatters like oriental cockroaches in a damp basement the minute any light whatsoever shines on them. every intention i ever commit to sublimates into a broken promise before i ever have the chance to lift one finger in its honor.

my entire life is an attic full of failed inventions. a cemetery of stillborn brainchildren.

and yet somehow the idea of being able to actually accomplish all or even just some of these things kinda scares the shit out of me.

like, what am i gonna DO all day when i'm finally able to focus on a task?

i've spent so much of my life in a constant state of being stressed from feeling overworked and overwhelmed during a time where the decisions about how I spent my days weren't up to me. and i couldn't cope with even a quarter of the amount of Responsibilities that everyone else seemed to be able to cope with. and i was so fucking miserable, i honestly, truly, felt like i didn't even want to be alive.

and now i'm terrified of the prospect of being busy again, because business strangled the life out of me in high school and college.

i don't wanna Do Tasks because I don't wanna risk the possibility of going back to being that overwhelmed, miserable person. and i KNOW that one of the benefits of meds is - or at least is supposed to be - gaining the ability to focus in such a way that i'm not so easily overwhelmed anymore.

but i cannot imagine what that's like. i CANNOT IMAGINE what it's like to wake up every day - or at least most days - and decide to spend 6+ hours on any particular task at all, and then actually do it. and then, if i DO do it, to still feel content and at ease by the time I'm done.

what am i gonna do all day??? am i gonna still know how to enjoy having ~down time~? am i gonna wish that i had more downtime? am i gonna resent the fact that i can't dedicate as much time as i feel like to just doing things that make me happy???

wtf is gonna happen to me? what's that LIKE???

literally, what do people do all day at their jobs?? how does being, say, a department head in a youth music program, use up 6+ hours of your day? what do you DO after you get to work? how is there SO MUCH to do that you actually have to keep Doing Things until it's time to go home??

what does an architect do for 8 hours a day?? what does a sports utility store manager do for 8 hours a day? what does a dog trainer do for 8 hours a day??? are they actually, literally just training dogs nonstop?? or are there other responsibilities, too? how is there even enough time in the world to do anything for 8 hours a day?

and its STOOPID that i don't get it, bc like... i went to SCHOOL and did TASKS for more than eight hours a day! my day in high school was TWELVE HOURS. 10 if you don't count the commute back and forth. my longest days in college began at 10am-ish and went until 10pmish. so CLEARLY there are things that can occupy all that time, even if there are a couple hours worth of lulls dispersed throughout.

but like woooooooooooooooow.

im legit so afraid of being busy. :(

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salamifuposey · 3 years

Text

Never Let Go (A little Deltarune fic!) -its more comfort cough cough-

so, a little note before I post this one here!

I like lurking occasionally and checking any awesome art whenever I’m in that particular moment of liking a game/character! Having said that, I originally had posted a little something in “a certain place” because I am a little avid Spamtom fan and seeing peeps requesting something of that sort put me into hyperdrive mode! My love for this little guy right here urged me to write a little fic! A what-if, to be more explicit and it was definitely a little self-indulgent on the thought of picking the little guy out and taking him to our little adventure in Deltarune!

Having said that, originally, the the little fanfiction didn’t even have any sort of name, baha. But, that’s what the title of this post will be useful for, as to finally put down a little name for it! What pushed me to post this little story right here was in fact, the positive replies I got when I originally posted my little story on /utg/ (Undertale/Deltarune General) (thanks you guys, I really mean it) which REALLY quite overwhelmed me and made me want to put this one out here, just... really for anyone who’s out in there! Annnddd before this one gets far too long-winded, I just wanna put this little one story (with a slight few fixes, not much!) for those Spamton fans who want to enjoy it!

The original post was originally called “I barely took this seriously and this all sounds like a shitpost” asDFSNDL and was posted yesterday in a little site called Ghostbin, which is a neat copy-paste website recommended by them!

The little story is just after this “Keep reading” mark!

(by the way, the original Ghostbin link was https://ghostbin.com/uSwQ8!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

>[You] find yourself in a dark alley shortly after leaving Noelle back in the unnoticed care of Queen behind as she listens through the middle of Queen's seventh mixtape as they all last for around thirty seconds each >[You] stutter for a bit before indulging in the darkness of this alleyway, struck by some slight anxiousness and yet, eager to go out further as you try to focus over the pit of blackness >As you walk closer and turn around to your left, you seem to notice a Queen poster hung on a side of the wall of her marketing one of her products, this one seemingly being number 1 ranked of a perfume product of hers >As you lunge even further, hesitating only for a bit, you hear banging from a nearby garbage bin and a small stature little thing or man jumps out, caught in surprise by it as he introduces itself

>"HEY EVERY ! IT'S ME, SPAMTON G. SPAMTON! >YOUR EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[Number 1 Rated Salesman1997]"

>He goes on even further to brag about his own self and offer tantalizing offers waiting for some kind of currency called Kromer, of which you've never even heard of in your entire life and wanting you to become some sort of [[BIG SHOT]] which definitely sounds kind of appealing to you. After hearing him ramble about his deals and even outright punch the very garbage bin he was residing in, you realize something about this man struck you as rather lonesome, almost as if he was projecting himself towards you. This man eventually catches wind of your so-called [[HeartShapedObject]] and seems eager for a exchange if you even so desire a glimpse of whatever [[Hyperlink Blocked]] was

>"SO WHAT DO YA SAY?? DO WE HAVE A DEAL OR..."

>[You] suddenly find yourself holding this young man's small hand, neither too hard nor too light

> "HEY HEY!! LOOKING FOR A [[Seal The Deal]] HAND-SHAKE?! WELL I'LL BE MORE THAN GLAD TO-" >It didn't take long for him to realize [You] quickly fetching and holding him tight for a hug, a simple hug that allowed him a brief moment of pause before he realized what you were doing

>"H-HOLD ON A [Diddly Darn Second]!! WHAT IS T THE MEANING OF THIS?!"

>Despite his feistiness wanting to go out of this hug, [You] simply kept going with this lock, merely wanting to share some compassion for this small statured salesman, who seemed almost as if he was crying out for help, even although all you could do was pick out the pieces he somewhat shared out of rage for some apparent reason

>[[STRANGER DANGER]]! YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW IT SHOULD BE ALLOWED THINGS !! THAT'S [[No Good]]!!

>He seemed frightened of even being handed a hug, almost as if he hadn't been touched since a long time, possibly from not having any contact with persons, afraid of ever coming into contact with him, be it for whichever reason and only assumed his violent and forceful deals to be the cause, unintentionally pushing people off.

>He began to try to claw out of your arms and reach, but to no success, as [[You]] try to hold it in for a hug, not expecting such fright even though [[You]] had no intention to harm this individual nor do something ill-intentioned to cause such panic

>WHAT DO YOU WANT?? IS IT KROMER?? ILL GIVE YOU SOME NICE DEAL SO YOU CAN [[FIFTY THOUSAND PERCENT OFF]]!!

>The little man then simply continued to try to push you off as he tried to bang his tiny little fists against your chest so you'd let him go, all in vain. After a short bit, his little fight then started to slow and calm down, as his fists turned down against himself.

>After a while, the man seemed to have collapsed in a dark moment, as he simply trembled and accepted the hug >With your arms still wrapped around in a lock, this small individual then simply sulk and leaned his small body and head against you, feeling as though it hadn't had any of that for a while now and feeling somewhat desperate for a bargain with anyone close by

>On closer look, you realized this man looked similar to these individuals called the Addisons who were around the Cyber World, ditched and abandoned, with slightly stylized ruffled black hair that, if he had ever combed it, it most likely would have been some comb straight from a garbage bin.

>He was mostly white, almost as if devoid of any other color, his clothes a heavy contrast of him

>[[You]] merely rubbed the back of his own head, trying to pat it out of consolidation, as you felt his dark spiked hair go through your fingers and hand. He felt somewhat comforted, even if stuttering out in some errors, implying he was some form of a corrupted program but seemingly more than that.

>He seemed to sport a similar attire to the Addisons as well, his black V-neck shirt being more than his own size while wearing white pants and small white shoes. Something about his glasses also struck him slightly different from the rest of the Addisons as they sported a pink and yellow tint to each lense respectively, as well as his stature and a facial structure that reminded you somewhat of ventriloquist puppets, with his cheeks being a rounded red, making him look rather unique

In the mean time, Queen and Noelle were out on the limo, waiting for [[You]] to do anything to clear the path off from the transit that blocked them off from progressing further. As Noelle tried to cover each side of her own ears, Queen bragged from her head one of her mistifying tunes

>"Oh You Have Got To Try Hearing This One Mixtape This Is Simply Divine And One Of My Most Favorite"

>The sounds she progressed to play out of the limousine's player were simply nothing short of static with reverbed farting sounds blasting through the sound bars of the vehicle like a storming marching theme

>"Kris, please hurry up, I feel like I'm about to go insane here!..." Noelle anxiously exhaled out, going through a enormous amount of possibilities in her head of what could possibly Queen play up next of her infamous CD mixtapes

>While Noelle is internally begging [[You]] to hurry and hoping she wouldn't snap out of her own mind, [[You]] were simply off doing something else on your own, trying to calm a person out amidst the darkness.

>While you were out inside the darkness of this alley path, this simple man who had been seemingly corrupted simply wallowed on your chest, crying out with his heart all out and yelping out of simple touches, even though you were trying out your very best to be gentle with him

>""Y Y YOU RE JUST TRYING TO TRICK ME ARENET YOU? YOU JUST WANT TO MAKE O-O-OFF WITH [[Deals of a Lifetime]] BARGAINS!! >"TRYING T T ["#$%] WITH ME AND LEAVE ME OUT IN THE DARK AGAIN!!" >"I CCAN T GO BACC K K IN THERE AGAIN!!"

>[[You]] simply shook no with your head, having nothing of that sorts residing in your head as mere thoughts, but rather, to bring Spamton out some place else where he'd find more comfort and would be far more accepted if he were to come with you in your journey throughout this world

>"T THT THTH THEY DDON T NEED ME, I D NOT NEED THEM ALSO!! I CAN JUST LIVE IT OFF HERE LIVING [[The Big Life]]!!

>[[You]] forbid him from ever taking your [[HeartShapedObject]], but that didn't mean you couldn't take him with you, as long it allowed him to be in some freedom with new partners in life, feeling wanted

>"... I- I" >"I I I I I I!!..."

>The man then simply collapses and inches his head forward, as his eyes now wallowed deep with static, going completely silent for a minute, transmitting this static inside with occasional rain drops every now and then falling inside

>Not knowing exactly what to do here, you simply kept on hugging, in hopes he would come back to normal, trying to pull him off from living in the garbage from this alley and putting himself open out there for others to shun and shove back, just to be forgotten and put back in place

>While holding him close to your body, you peeked inside the garbage bin

>Inside it was nothing more than a single pillow amidst surrounding trash and garbage, cold and moist, slightly reeking out of dubious smells from remains of the citizens in this world

>The only thing he had out for his own comfort, perhaps the only thing that cushioned him from this cybernetic world, all alone in a garbage bin

>Feeling roused by unexplainable feelings of distress, you suddenly hear the man vent out something as you held onto him just tight.

>"... Is anyone there?..."

>"... Please... help me..."

>Overwhelmed by such response, you can't help but hug this man back, hoping to reach out to the voice inside of him, whispering and barely able to come on out

>"..."

>"... thank you..."

>"..."

>Struck back by this response, the man seems like he was recollecting himself into getting back to his former self, albeit far more calm and composed than he was before

>"... DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING JUST NOW?? IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS JUST TALKING TO YOU!..."

>[[You]] shook your head signalling that you did and that it came deep from within him.

>"... THAT WAS ME?"

>"..."

>"... I guess it really was just me all this time then..."

>The man then sulked at himself out of pity upon learning that was his one voice calling and reaching out to someone out there in this place

>"... I guess I really was a puppet all this time, having these strings constantly tied onto me..."

>"... And I guess you're not too far from the apple tree!..."

>"... Not like I can just cut them off any way..."

>He had nothing but feel sorry for himself.

>"... I no longer even have my own friends..."

>"... I've got nothing else..."

>Spamton would sporadically glitch out every now and then, seemingly crushed and overwhelmed.

>"... And it's all because of my own egotistical ego... Trying to bite more than I can chew..."

>"... And it was all because of..."

>[[You]] then suddenly reached out to him, reaching out your hand in front of his.

>"... You would do that?"

>The man then realized your intents of bringing him alongside with you.

>"... But I've got nothing to help you with, I'm just a lowlife scammer..."

>[[You]] then insisted to have your bargain out there in the open, hoping he would comply after all that had happened and been done to this small Addison.

>"... I... don't know what to say..."

After hearing that reply, [[You]] then reached out of your own pockets and gave him a CD Bagel, not being entirely sure if he would even eat it.

>"... You'd give this one out for me?... Thanks..."

>He then reached out his hand hesitantly towards the CD Bagel, realizing that he probably was eating barely scraps and remains from what ever would fall into the garbage bin to feed off from

>He tried to chew off with his almost puppet-like maw, which you started to get used to

>After having had finished, [[You]] then reached your hand out again, hoping he wouldn't be as frightful of your sight and to become a ally and give you strength alongside with you.

>"... I still don't know how I would help you, but I guess I could learn a thing or two about you!"

>Throughout this time, he was smiling all this time, but now, it seemed like an authentic smile

>The ways he would scamper out and barely be able to keep up with you if you walked even a little too fast, you would always make sure to reach out his hand and bring him with [[You]], as long he'd be able to get out from that one dark alley

>Eventually, you reached out the spotlight not too far from where you were left off and turned it green so all the cars and transit would flow back as usual, what with Spamton now watching you, your height slightly looming over his

>Just then, the limousine then came, both with Noelle on the back and Queen on the front seat driving, the Queen having just now finished her 147th mixtape that Noelle had just been done blocking off from her ears.

>"Oh Kris Good You Finally Got Rid Of All That Traffic!"

>"Oh"

>"Oh Spamton That's You"

>"So I Guess You're A Thing"

>"How Are You How Have Things Been?"

>Spamton simply decided not to respond.

>Noelle simply nodded her hand and tried to wave it to say hi to Kris' new friend.

>"Oh Right"

>"I Evicted You From The Castle Didn't I"

>"Oops"

>"My Bad"

>"No Offense Taken I Presume Just Ol' Things Out The Ol' Block"

>"Can't Keep Feeding Off Tiny Runts Without Money Coming Into The Mansion"

>[[You]] then decided to warn Queen that he would come and get inside the limousine car

>"Oh Sure You Can Just Use The Baby Seat In The Back"

>Spamton then suddenly behaved back like his own self what with that offer proposed

>"YOU THINK I'M JUST A OL' [[Baby Muppet]]!! WELL i'LL GLADLY TAKE THAT [[Unforgettable Bargain]]!!"

>"Oh Good Then Just Sit In The Back And Relax, We Got Quite A Journey To Ride For I'm Looking For My Sweet Little Noelle"

>[[You]] simply sat in the back of the car, Spamton next to you in the baby seat

>[[You]] felt mildly disconcerted by the fact that Queen had a baby seat in the back of this car

>"So, how did you two met anyway?" Noelle simply wanted to bring up this question as she whispers.

>"Also, is it just me or does it smell kind of bad in here?..."

>"Kind of like... rotten bananas in here or something like that... and like, motor oil..."

>"I mean, it's not like you took your friend out of a garbage can or anything, right?" She anxiously laughed it off, just putting it out like a joke for her.

>"[[Yes]]"

>"... Wait, you did?!" She became quite shocked over this news.

>"Kris, I'm not sure how to say this, but are you really sure you should be friends with someone like that over here?"

>"[[He's my friend]]"

>"O-oh!... I guess that's a thing then, just pluck out your newly picked friends out of a garbage can!..."

>Noelle then suddenly started to feel a little jealous over her friend Kris just so happening to want to be friends with someone like Spamton of all people.

>"... What's he got that I don't have?! I'm starting to feel a little envious here!..."

>"... Maybe it's just because he's small and easy to carry!..."

>"... Although to be honest, it's nice that Kris can happen to be so friendly towards everyone, even people usually not to be trusted with..."

>"... I'm starting to think Kris is starting to take a turn for the better path!..."

>As [[You]] and the rest of the gang ride along in the limousine, you couldn't help but notice Spamton in the back alongside you

>If it weren't for the fact that [[You]] brought him here, he probably would have been living out in the garbage bin back in the alley

>[[You]] turn back to him and realize he's kicking back his feet back and forth while listening to one of Queen's pile of mixtapes, unsure of which mixtape she was in right now

>Quite still a bit miffed that he had Queen evict him out of her own mansion, he still couldn't help but feel like that was somehow his own fault as well, feeling rather taken by his guilt

>[[You]] then turn back to him and try to hold back his own hand, almost as if to reassure him that what was to come was nothing but a world of possibilities for him, as long as he allowed to make back some mistakes and learn from then

>"... GEE KID, YOU SURE LIKE TO HOLD HANDS WITH ME, AIN'T THAT A LITTEL BIT [[Wacko From This World]] FOR YA?!"

>He felt rather embarrassed that [[You]] cared so much about him in the first place

>"D DID IT REALLY BUG YOU THAT MUCH TO C ME IN THAT DUMPSTER??"

>"..."

>"... WELL YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE [[World Wide Champion]] OF MY HEART!"

>[[You]] felt a little comforted by those words

>"HEY TURN UP THAT VOLUME DIAL I CAN BARELY HEAR THAT MIXTAPE"

>"You Got It Baby Boss"

>The sound of reverbing farts with tooting airhorns then echoes throughout the entire streets as you venture on your way to the Queen's Mansion

~End~

#Kris #[[You]]#Spamton #Noelle #Queen #Deltarune #fanfiction #literature #Toby Fox #little story #originally presented in /utg/ sadFASNK #god that ending ASDFNLDNFLSADKF #FupoBlabs #should Imaybe do a FupoWrites in case I decide to write more fics??#but this is such a rare occasion askjdnfs #I feel embarrasseddd sakdjnfksj #FupoWrites

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frostedfaves · 4 years

Text

I Don’t Feel Alive (4)

Masterlist

Pairings: Jake Peralta x sister!reader (platonic), Rosa Diaz x fem!reader (romantic), Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago (also romantic)

Summary: Jake shows up for your big moment and you’re there to comfort him for his.

Warnings: drug mentions and use, anxious reader, a bit of angst

A/N: so sorry for the wait on this part, but I hope it was worth it! I did a time jump because I needed to move forward a bit, not only for the sake of the addiction part of the storyline, but also because I need to introduce Rosa and Amy soon. anyway, lemme know what you think!!

Previous part

To say you were nervous was an understatement. You were about to host your very first art show featuring your own paintings, something that you’d wanted for a long time, but you didn’t expect it to feel this overwhelming when you finally got it.

“Hey, there’s my celebrity sister!”

You turned away from the mirror at the sound of the familiar voice, a relieved smile falling onto your features at the sight of Jake coming toward you.

“You came,” you breathed out as his arms enveloped your frame.

“Of course! I’d never miss this.” He pulled away from the hug and grabbed your hands with a grin. “So how does it feel?”

“Oh, it’s the worst! My head is spinning, and I can’t feel my feet anymore. Not to mention the heavy weight on my chest reminding me that this is all I’ve ever wanted since I realized that art is the one thing in my life that consistently made me happy and if I mess this up I could ruin my chances at a career--”

“Okay, okay.” His thumbs lightly rubbed across the back of your now shaking hands. “Before we go out there, why don’t we just take a moment to breathe?”

You nodded in acceptance of the idea, and he led you through a few cycles of inhaling and exhaling. By the sixth cycle your mind felt a bit quieter, and the knots in your stomach seemed to loosen.

“Feeling better?”

“Much better, thank you.” You leaned forward to sink into his hold again, smiling when his hands began to rub your back.

“You’re not going to mess anything up, by the way. You’ve already impressed so many people with your art, and when they realize how awesome of a person you are, they’re going to love you even more!”

“I hope you’re right, Pineapples.” A heavy sigh escaped you. “God, I wish Grandma was here to see this. How’s living at her apartment, by the way?”

“Weird, but it feels right at home at the same time. You’re welcome to visit anytime, you know, when you get a break from being a famous artist,” he teased you and you laughed, poking him a bit.

“Whatever. I guess I should stop by one day. And now that I can legally drink, I can visit that bar you like so much and meet your detective friends.”

“Oh yeah!” He pulled away quickly and you met his eyes that somehow seemed even brighter than before. “You have to meet my friend from the academy! She’s super scary at first and she doesn’t talk about her life so everything I know about her is purely based on observation but she’s great!”

“Sounds like someone I might like to know,” you told him with a chuckle. “Is she the detective that just transferred?”

“No, that’s Amy.”

“In love with her already, huh?”

“Wh-what?! Don’t be ridiculous. Yeah she’s intelligent, gorgeous, and an insanely great detective but it just wouldn’t work. We’re too different.”

Before you could tease him further about his instant “heart eyes”, an announcement came over the PA system that reminded you the art show was starting soon. You suddenly wished you could fast forward through the night, which Jake instantly picked up on and offered you a reassuring smile.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Little Carrot. I’m willing to bet all of my money on it!”

“You’re in crushing debt. That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“Damn, you’re right. Well, see you soon!” He dropped a big and obnoxious kiss on your forehead before scurrying out of the room.

“For a first timer, this was incredibly successful, Y/N!”

“Thanks, Ken!” You smiled gratefully at the guy who helped you pull everything together as he approached you. “I can’t believe how many pieces I sold tonight!”

“I can believe it. You’re talented, and the world is finally getting to see it. Speaking of the world…” He grabbed your shoulders and turned you until your line of vision focused on a man on the phone in one of the doorways. “That well-dressed and extremely successful guy wants to hire you for a project and I would recommend accepting because he has connections to help you with your Paris goal.”

Your eyes widened at this, and you turned back to Ken. “Wait, seriously?! What are we waiting for?! Let’s go over there!”

After finding out the details of the project and gratefully accepting the job, you made your way to the back room to make sure you weren’t leaving anything important behind, briefly remembering your spiraling moment and feeling thankful that you were able to move past it. You were just about to turn off the lights and leave when the door opened and Erica entered.

“Congrats on tonight, N/N! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, E.” You hugged her with a wide smile. “Have you been here the whole time?”

“Yeah. I would’ve approached you earlier but you were either talking to buyers or with your mom and detective brother, and I didn’t want to get too close with this.” She pulled out a little baggie holding a joint, bringing it into your line of vision. “Wanna celebrate properly?”

“Damn, I wish I’d had that earlier. But yeah, just give me a second to text Jake and then I’ll be ready.”

She left the room as you pulled out your phone, sighing when you saw Jake’s text wondering if you were coming down to Shaw’s. After wrestling with your conscience a bit, you ultimately decided to stick with your original plan. Today was super successful but incredibly draining, and you needed to wind down properly.

I’m pretty tired so I’m going to head home but maybe we can meet tomorrow so I can tell you about my new job! Thanks for coming tonight and I love you.

It was just a regular night for you, sitting in your apartment and painting whatever came to mind while music played softly in the background. You were so lost in your atmosphere that if your phone had been on vibrate, you wouldn’t have noticed the text from Jake come in.

need you to come to the precinct asap

You were on your feet in no time, sliding on shoes and grabbing a hoodie on your way out the door, pulling your arms into it and zipping it as you waited for your cab. Within minutes you were arriving at the 99th precinct, getting out of the car and approaching the building as Jake walked away from a brunette woman while holding a box.

“Thanks for coming,” he greeted you while placing the box on the ground to hug you, pulling away to start typing something on his phone. “I just got fired and I really needed to see you.” He turned his phone to you and you read the screen.

its part of a plan for me to go undercover in the mafia for the fbi. could be gone for six months.

Tears instantly filled your eyes as you took in the message. Jake always made being a detective sound so fun that you forgot there were real dangers tied to his line of work. He’d be working among people that could kill him quickly or torture him slowly with one wrong move, and the thought made you feel sick. Not wanting to worry him further, you grabbed his phone and typed a response.

please be careful.

You hugged him after he read the words, both of you holding each other tightly as if you thought the world would collapse when you let go. You were quick to wipe away any escaped tears, smiling at him when you pulled away and gripping his hands in the same way he does to calm you down.

“I know it seems like it now, but this isn’t the end. You’re going to find something that makes you happy, and be just as good at that.”

“I hope so.” He squeezed your hands before pulling away to pick up the box again. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drop this off at home and go drink away the sadness!”

He left you with one of his signature goofy grins, and you worked hard to burn the image into your memory, hoping it’ll last until you see it again six months later. Before you could decide what to do with yourself, your phone rang and you sat on the nearest bench as you answered.

“Y/N, hi! You don’t know me yet but I’m hoping we can change that soon! Tony Palmer here, and I saw your work on the HST project. Just wondering if you would be interested in spending a few months in Paris?”

“Absolutely I am,” you managed to answer, once the shock wore off a bit.

“Awesome! We can talk more about it in my office tomorrow.”

You saved his information in your phone, immediately heading over to your text thread with Erica when the call ended because you were curious about whether she knew any dealers in France. You weren’t sure you could handle being sober while worrying about Jake and living alone six time zones away for half a year.

Tags: @beeblisss @marie-03 @gaulty74 @xetherealbeautyx @makapaka11 @rosadiazswifey @ochrythum @halfofwhatisayismeaningless @hip-hopphile

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misskatebishop · 3 years

Text

Make my messes matter

Word count: 2090

Pairing: Steve x Tony

Warning: Hurt/Comfort.

Summary: Tony has a bad day at home and Steve comforts him.

Tony rests his head against the cold metal, holding tightly his bag against his chest. He closes his eyes while the music fills his surroundings. It’s almost midnight and he has nowhere to go. Nowhere to sleep. Tony feels the tears prick his eyes, biting his lower lip to not allow a sob to come out. He’ll not cry. Not anymore.

He didn’t do anything wrong, but Howard never believes him. Not surprising, though. Yet, being kicked out of the house wasn’t something he was expecting. Of course, he had plans to move out from his parents long ago, but he’d never put them in order. He hoped that he would have more time. More time to build and secure life for himself. A life where he wouldn’t need Howard’s money to survive. But at 18, life isn’t what anyone expects it to be.

It’s a funny and ironic story that he wanted to grow up when he was a kid, and now he wishes he was a kid again. He wishes he didn’t have to worry so much or feel so overwhelmed at such a young age. But he’s Tony Stark and people expect better of him. They expect too much when all Tony wants is to work on his own projects. He wasn’t ready to assume a high post in his father’s company. Not yet. There was so much he wanted to do.

So many places to go. So many things to see, to listen to, to touch, to know. He didn’t want to spend his life in an office, barking orders around, filing paperwork. He wanted so much more to himself. Of course, Howard couldn’t see it that way. He said he was tired of Tony’s excuses to assume his place in the world, he was tired of having supported him his entire life, just for Tony to refuse when he’s offered the post of director in the R&D department. In fact, he’s tired of Tony. He’s been tired of his son long ago. And Tony was tired of living from crumbs. Crumbs of love. That’s not what life is supposed to be.

After Maria’s death, things just got worse. Howard became a constant burden on his shoulders, always asking and demanding more of him. As if he could never be enough. As if Howard had fed him his entire life just to reap the fruits of his work now. As if Tony owes him an entire life and that he should be paying back now. Tony couldn’t see an exit to himself. He couldn’t see a light out of that. He felt like a bird constantly locked in a cage. Unable to sing his beauty. To become what he was born to: fly freely. Spreading beauty in the world.

But Howard could never understand the meaning of such simple words as no, or I’m not ready or give me more time. He crushed Tony into expectations that he may never be capable of achieving. It hurts. So after being hit, insulted, mocked, he was done, then Howard screamed for him to get the hell out of his house. His house, he emphasized. After all, Tony couldn’t be more than a mere tenant living under his father’s roof while he worked out his life.

Fuck.

He’s so fucked up.

The automatic voice sounds inside the train, letting him know that he will descend in the next station. Tony sighs, looking at the empty wagon. There is some freedom in it, to be able to walk away and don’t look back. To be able to follow his own path. But for an eighteen-year-old, unemployed, and who just had graduated, freedom is always frightening. There isn’t any expectation of life. What could he do? He’d had to work his way out of this. To start job-hunting, and conciliate it with his master’s degree, which he just had been admitted to. Scary. Terrifying. So lost.

No prospect of life. No home. Just a few banknotes and his credit cards in his wallet. A couple of clothes in his bag. Nothing to offer. Why would someone take pity on him? Why would someone take him in?

Tony tucks his headphones inside his bag, holding on a post as the rails brakes, the sound is almost comforting for the fact that tonight he has a destination in mind. Tomorrow, he will think about somewhere else. But for tonight, he prays that he can count on Steve.

For his misfortune, Howard chose to kick him out at the moment that his closest friends were far away. He didn’t know Rhodey’s location since he was on a mission for the Air Force, and Pepper was in Vancouver for the next three months. He had nowhere to go, but Steve’s.

Tony was afraid of how Steve would react when he knocked on his door at… Tony glances down at his phone, 12:41 a.m. He had hung out with Steve before, he could say that they were friends. Steve is a good friend, actually, but Tony feels more for him than he’s able to voice and since he had embarrassed Steve at a party weeks ago, when he vomited on his shoes after drinking too much, then told him he loved him in front of everyone since then Tony hasn’t answered his calls or texts until he finally stopped receiving them.

Fate is a bitch, though, and here he is asking for shelter for the very same man.

Tony strides through the streets of Brooklyn, he doesn’t know the neighborhood very well, but he knows where Steve’s building is. Tony gasps, rubbing his hands together to warm them up a little bit. It’s November, but the weather gets especially cold at night. He can see his breath whenever he exhales. Tony hurries up the stairs, getting breathless easily due to his heart condition. At least, he’d remembered to pack his medication, only enough for the next two months, though.

Because being homeless and unemployed is not enough in his list of failures, he also had to have a chronic illness.

Tony stops before the door with the number 13. He raises a fist, taking a deep breath. Steve must be sleeping, and he hates the fact that he is about to disturb him. Tony looks at the stairs again, thinking that he could wait there until morning, but Steve would be mad if he knew that Tony didn’t call him. Tony knocks hard. Harder than he should. Maybe, he should call Steve’s phone, although, after weeks without any news from him, it would look weird. It was already weird standing here in the middle of the night after confessing. Tony raises a fist again, wondering if Steve would really get up and check the door but before he could knock again, the door opens.

“Tony?” Steve frowns, staring at him. He rubs his beautiful eyes. Tony feels helpless, unable to acknowledge the emotions in his features, he can’t tell what Steve might be thinking just looking at his face.

“Steve, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, I-” Tony starts to say.

“You didn’t. I was watching a movie,” Steve says, looking at both sides of the corridor before stepping aside. “Come in.”

Tony does. Steve locks the door behind him, throwing the keys on the kitchen counter. His apartment is small, but it’s cozy and it serves Steve well. It feels warm inside here.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Steve takes Tony's bag from his shoulder, putting it on the couch. Tony sees a movie he doesn’t know playing on the TV and a blanket and cushions on the couch. “Are you hurt?” Steve’s blue eyes scan him from top to bottom.

“No. I-I am fine,” Tony assures him.

“C’mon here. You must be cold,” Steve goes to the kitchen, and Tony follows him timidly. “It’s still hot, I made it minutes ago.” Steve hands him a mug filled with hot chocolate. It smells so good and tastes incredible when Tony takes a sip. “Nothing better than hot chocolate to warm you up,” Steve smiles.

Tony agrees, adding in his mind that there’s nothing better than hot chocolate to push away the distress in his chest. Tony rubs his eyes, feeling them dry for the fact that he had cried earlier, and Steve must’ve noticed how red and swollen they are because he asks again:

“What happened, Tony?”

Tony ponders if he should tell the truth or just invent an excuse. He ends up with the truth because it’s Steve, and he hates lying to Steve.

“My father kicked me out. I have nowhere to go.”

Steve looks… He doesn’t know how Steve looks. Pitiful? Sad? Relieved? It’s hard to know. Steve is only three years older than him; they met in an art exposition months ago in the National Academy School of Fine Arts. Pepper is passionate about Arts, and she dragged Tony along that day. It was his lucky day that Steve was exposing his work there, they ended up talking and exchanging phone numbers. After that, Tony asked him out to a few parties, one of which embarrassed Steve in front of everyone. He couldn't forget about that. But nothing really happened between the two of them, except for some stares and slight brushing of hands.

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

“I don’t wanna bother you, but--”

“Of course you can stay, Tony,” Steve cuts him off, walking in his direction.

“Oh,” Tony lets out when Steve's big arms wrap around him, pulling him into a hug. “It feels nice.” Well, Tony didn’t have the intention to say it out loud. He steps back, breaking the hug. “I-I-” what?

“Yes, it felt nice, too,” Steve looks almost fond of him, but… Tony didn’t want to get attached. He couldn’t, what if Steve didn’t love him? Tony feels already loveless. He couldn’t bear the thought of being fed with crumbs again.

“Thanks,” Tony says, he passes through Steve to wash his now empty mug. “I really appreciate it. I didn’t think you would take me in after that party.”

Steve comes to his side, a frown on his face.

“What? Why?”

“I-I embarrassed you in front of everyone. I literally threw up on your shoes, then I--” Tony stutters nervously because he always feels nervous next to Steve. The blond always gives him butterflies in the stomach, he just can’t help it.

“Oh, no. Why,” Steve shakes his head, looking confused. “Why would you think that, Tony? You almost passed out. You leaned on me all the way back. Why would you think I was mad at you?”

“Why would you not?” Tony blurted out. “You took me to my house, and I--” Tony breathes deeply. “I thought I had embarrassed you in front of your friends, I made a scene, and I told you--” he stutters. “I-I didn’t want to make it weird to you. I understand if you--” Tony shakes his head, gulping. He couldn't help but frown when Steve laughed.

“I was more worried about you than embarrassed. Trust me, Tony. You didn’t call me to tell me you were okay the next morning. I was worried. You didn’t answer my calls either. I thought you had changed your mind about what you said,” Steve sounds… sorrowful.

Tony blinks. He really thought Steve was mad at him, he really thought… Did he really misunderstand it all? It wasn’t possible, right? Steve was just being his usual self, kind and nice. He couldn’t really...

“Wait, you…” Tony points to Steve.

“You didn’t embarrass me,” Steve shrugs. “I love you, too. I called to tell you that but you didn’t answer me.”

“I--”

Tony wraps his arms around Steve’s neck, tiptoeing to reach his lips, aware of Steve’s hands sliding to his waist to support him. Tony tastes the hot chocolate in Steve’s mouth, and it somehow suits him because Steve smells like home. Everything about Steve is cozy, lovely, and adorable. Tony feels a warmth flowing through his body, the feeling of safety invades him. He knows he can trust Steve, somehow, he knows, he wants to believe that Steve will not abandon him. Perhaps, that’s a love that he can let himself get attached to.

Steve breaks the kiss, still keeping Tony in his tight embrace.

Tony rests his head against Steve’s chest. “You can stay for as long as you need, Tony,” Steve kisses the top of his head. “It’ll be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

#steve rogers #tony stark #stony #stony fic #stevetony #steve x tony #steve rogers x tony stark #marvel #marvel fic #mcu fanfiction #hurt/comfort

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