#i am fat so pls keep that in mind

[gallonsoblood]

Official me ref bc people ask me for it sometimes and i dont got nothing to give them I FORGOT MY STUDDED BRACELET ITS VERY IMPORTANT DONT FORGET IT (boobs jumpscare under the cut+ drawing of me and @sealitsgills)

[arminsumi]

Hii can we pls get an extremely smitten in love like love sick gojo pls?????

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤

A/N: ABSOLUTELY!! 🥰

Wc ≈ 1.7k

Pairing: GOJO Satoru x f.reader

Summary: the annoying popular boy at college has his heart set on you 😌💕

Warnings; it's a little cheesy

There’s a white-haired boy that always, always sits next to you in every single class. He’s got the looks that kill, one-of-a-kind features, almost too pretty to be on earth; the kind of boy that makes even teachers stutter in the middle of their lecture simply because of his presence.

So many girls fawn over him, like he’s the rockstar of your college with a bunch of groupies following wherever he goes.

And that ticks off one reason you don’t like Gojo Satoru.

The other reasons? To narrow it down; he’s an arrogant cocky flirty bastard who will not stop asking you out to parties and dates. Persistent and determined to make you crack and finally fall for him. Relentless and fast in his pursuit of your heart no matter how far it runs – he’s gonna getcha, he knows it, it’s just a matter of time.

He’s never felt this deeply or intensely. It makes his head spin. When you walk in the room, when you speak, when he sees your name on an attendee list… it has him feeling tingly and lightheaded. Even getting a text from you makes him jump; he replies in two seconds and pouts when you leave him on read. He even complains to his mom and Suguru about you.

This boy is the walking symptoms of lovesick.

But he’s in heavy denial about it. No, no – he’s not obsessed, you’re obsessed. He’s not crushing on you; you’re crushing on him. He’s not chasing you; you’re chasing him. He doesn’t wanna kiss you, you wanna kiss him.

“You have such a fat crush on me.” He smirks, talking unashamedly loudly so everyone who’s passing down the columned corridor can hear.

You sigh. “No I don't, Gojo.”

“It’s Satoru to you,” he winks, “And anyways, you’re not busy this afternoon, yeah?”

“Actually I am – ”

“Great! Let’s go out.”

Your whole face spells how frustrated you are.

“Oh my god…” you sigh, getting up for your next class which was in two minutes – Gojo took up all your time. Your friends had long slipped away after he gave them a glare, snickering as they did because they thought the whole thing between you and him was hilarious.

His long legs strode next to you down the corridor.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“To class.” you replied.

“Let me walk you there.” he offered eagerly.

“Thanks, but there’s really no need.” you replied.

He looked at you like a sad puppy, so you gave in. “Oh my god, fine then.”

“Ask me nicely.”

“What!” you looked at him incredulously, “You’re the one who – oh my god never mind. Walk me to class, Gojo.”

He grinned in satisfaction. You almost wanted to smack him.

“It’s Satoru.” He corrected.

“I’m not calling you that. We’re not friends.” You said.

“Gosh, you’re breaking my heart!” he jokes, but deep down he was a little cut by that. You could tell by how he said no more smart remarks. He was silent.

You slid into your seat, watching your professor prepare the sliding whiteboards with awful scribbles of calculus. Gojo slid right next to you, settling his smart ass down a little closer than last time. He was aching to get closer to you in any way he could.

“I need a pen.” He whispered under his breath to you as soon as the lecture began.

“Seriously? Again? Where do you keep putting the ones I give you, up your ass?”

He smirked at you. Pretty blue eyes peaked over the rims of his sunglasses. You weren’t the only one to notice that he had them on indoors; the professor glanced over and immediately reprimanded him.

“Gojo, glasses off indoors, please. Don’t make me keep reminding you.” She said.

Gojo grumbled and reluctantly took them off, setting them down on the desk. You’d already began hastily scribbling notes, but all Gojo managed to do for the first ten or fifteen minutes of the lecture was drum his borrowed pen on his empty spiralbound notebook. He stole thirsted glances of you out of the corner of his eyes.

At some point his attention solely focused on you.

He observed you intently; the way you held your pen, the pace at which you write, your handwriting, how you leaned over just enough for your breasts to lightly squish against the desk.

“Hey.” He whispered to you.

You looked at him bemusedly. Ah, here he goes again. Fifteen minutes in and he has something to say to you.

“Can I copy your notes?” he asked.

“Seriously?” you whisper-shouted. The professor was so deep into her lecture about calculus that she didn’t notice Gojo starting to chat you up.

Asking to copy your notes was just his entry into flirting; what followed next was “I like your handwriting” and “so about that date…” and “there’s a party at my place this weekend…” and “wanna ditch this class together?”

“Satoru,” you said, “shut up, please.”

He shut up, not because you asked him to – he would have gone on and on despite your wishes, but you called his name. That took him aback so much so that he actually had to recompose himself and sit back, take in a breath, think for a bit. The way you pronounced his name had him in pieces.

Now came the part of the lecture where Satoru started making you laugh. You tried so hard not to, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction – but he had a good humour, you couldn’t deny a few breathy laughs here or there.

His unwavering stare was so distracting. That and the fact he kicked his feet up on the desk. He took them down when the professor turned around, and then resumed his lazy position as soon as she turned back to the whiteboard.

“Satoru,” you began, “How is it that you never take notes and still pass?”

He shrugged. “I’m a prodigy. You’re sitting next to a real genius.”

You regretted asking.

He felt bad, so he gave you a small honest answer. “I cram at night.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Would be nice to have a study buddy…” he suggested.

“No.”

“But wouldn’t it be nice? Let’s study in the library later.”

“No – ”

“Okay! I’ll meet ya there!” he smiled decisively, choosing to ignore your decline.

The class concluded, and Gojo lingered by your desk waiting for you to pack up. Some lovestruck girls always approached him at that point, and he held small talk with them. He absolutely let their compliments fuel his ego.

You tried to take advantage of the fact he was distracted by them so you could slip out of the lecture theatre unnoticed. But he had good eyes.

“Oh, gotta go. Bye.” He said hastily, eyes locked on you like you were his target. He practically tumbled down the desk levels to get to you.

Just as you disappeared beyond the door, he caught up with you, lanky body colliding with yours on ‘accident’. You thought it was deliberate, but it really was an accident – he was so clumsy around you. He threw you a lopsided, apologetic smile.

That familiar sad puppy expression developed on his features as you walked quickly down the corridor and ignored him. Inside, you were bitter about how he bathed in those girl’s attention.

He had his hands behind his back. A peculiar thing – he usually walked like he owned the place with his hands swinging like a model on a runway. You stopped abruptly in your tracks when you noticed his deflated behavior. He bumped into you again.

“Hey…”

“Sorry.” He muttered apologetically.

“… wanna get lunch together, after studying?” you offered, feeling bad for how you ignored him the whole walk to the library.

His eyes lit up. “Yeah! Yeah… uh, yes.” He almost choked. “Absolutely.”

After that, he had a pep in his step as he followed you into the library.

Studying with him was super unproductive. He kept teasing your face, pinching your cheeks and ears to get your attention and then when he had it, he started rambling about something.

Then he pulled giggles out of you. He did such goofy, stupid things.

“Look.” He said, so you looked away from your textbook.

You shook your head.

He had balanced a book on his head and bit his borrowed pen between his pearly whites.

“Don’t put my pen in your mouth! I don’t want your germs.” You said.

He grinned.

You had to admit… that was an attractive smile. The way his Addam’s apple subtly shifted. The way his eyes lit up. The way his eyes creased.

He took the book off his head and the pen out of his mouth.

“You don’t want my germs?” he pouted jokingly.

“No, no way.”

“How are we ever gonna kiss?”

“E – excuse m – what? Huh?”

Gojo giggled. He threw that in just to see your reaction.

“You sooo wanna kiss me.” He teased.

“Uh… I don’t…” you swallowed.

“You’re such a bad liar.” He said, his tone shifting into a genuinely serious one.

“I’m not lying. I’d never kiss you.” You spoke.

“Yeah?”

He brought his face closer to you. So close you could see the subtle freckles on his pale cheeks.

“What would you do if I kissed you?” Gojo asked, peering at your soul with his eyes.

You stuttered, too stunned to response. What would you do? It was a genuine question, you could tell by the tone of his voice and look in his eyes. He really wanted to know.

“I don’t know…” you responded.

“Have you thought about it at all?” he asked. A slight nervousness shook his vocals. There was the smallest of voice cracks as he said ‘thought’.

Should you have been honest? You were looking into his eyes contemplatively. Was he trying to trick you? Was he gonna get an answer out of your lips and then humiliate you with it?

You just bit the bullet and said it.

“Yeah, I guess I have.”

His eyes searched for any hints that you were kidding. You got his heart thumping, his blood rushing around so hard he felt dizzy.

It looked like he wanted to kiss you really badly, but your phone went off and ruined the moment completely. The lovey air dissolved between you and him and he wished it hadn't.

While you hastily took your phone call, you noticed out of the corner of your eyes that Gojo had a boyish blush on his face.

Reblogs n' comments help a lot!! 💗😙

Visit my library ?

[summercreolefanfictioner]

the scent wafts in, her name making him beg on his knees chap 1.1

pairing: dabi / todoroki touya x fem!oc / reader (MODERN AU)

summary: He mentions her name after 6 months in therapy, absentmindedly narrating vivid memories of her. She was the only good thing during his darkest times.

(In which Touya returns home after rebelling against his family for 7 years. And no, it wasn't about forgiveness. He wanted to fix himself because of a certain someone.)

themes: nsfw, domestic abuse, violence, alcoholism, cigarette smoking, toxic relationships, mental health, co-dependency and other related themes (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

notes: for this one, pls keep in mind that touya didn't have much scars on his face; mostly are on his body to accomodate the plot; charas might be ooc since this is modern au

Todoroki Touya has returned; it wasn't a drill.

The eldest of the Todoroki family has returned, and it was all over the news like wildfire. Pictures of him were around tabloids and newspapers, imprinted on TV screens along with family pictures of his 13-year-old self as news anchors and writers all over Japan broadcasted about the Endeavor Corp. finally having its original heir back to where he belonged. Two years ago, Todoroki Shouto announced he wouldn't be the one to replace his father, Todoroki Enji as the owner and CEO of their family business. However, Shouto focused on one part of the Endeavor Corp., particularly their sports and training business, as he wanted to become a personal trainer someday.

Touya was aware of what was happening on the business side of his family despite his rebellion seven years ago. After all, he saw them all over the news, watched his father on TV, and observed how everything was faring for them. So when he returned to the main house, he was a bit surprised at a few details he had missed. For one, his mother, Todoroki Rei, had already been discharged from the mental ward, faring well and welcoming him back with a big, warm hug and fat tears rolling down her cheeks. It also seemed that things were a lot better between his parents, but some of them still held reluctance to forgive their father.

Particularly him and Natsuo.

Enji was aware of their hatred towards him, hence he would talk to them politically, as Enji the CEO of the Endeavor Corp., not as their own father. Touya believed it was only fair. He would've resorted to violence if that wasn't the case. Speaking of which, that was another reason, he returned.

"I have to settle things between this family and me once and for all," he informed them on the first day of his return. "I need to talk to Father."

He knew what Enji would say to him. His father will apologize and be remorseful over what happened. He will also mention about him being his successor in the future, even though he was having none of it.

"I don't need that title anymore," Touya coldly argued, resisting the urge to punch him in the face as he knew he wouldn't defend himself after everything he had done to them since they were kids. "Not from you, specifically."

Enji understood. Touya meant, "I will have that title by my own hands, not because you passed it to me cheap because Shouto didn't want it anymore." Afterwards, his father explained everything he was required to do before his first day in the company. He also mentioned something along the lines of, "You need to undergo rehab and therapy for a while. I knew what you have been up to these past seven years with your cigarette addiction and alcoholism."

Before, Touya would violently react, would be against his decision and say, "You're just scared because I might surpass you." Now, he just nodded at his direction much to Enji's surprise.

"Why are you so shocked? You think I will half-ass my return to this family?" Touya questioned, slightly mocking him.

"I know you wouldn't," Enji commented.

And before Touya left his office, he added: "Just so you know, I am not doing this for the family."

Enji raised a questioning brow.

"I'm doing this because of a certain someone."

------

The first few months of Touya's rehab and therapy were tough as shit, gnawing at him like sharp nails and digging his soul like he was trapped in darkness. He felt overwhelmed by everything, talking about his feelings all day, breaking out of his shell, and slightly wanting to just break things and be alone. Touya craved darkness at some point, the urge to be violent creeping on his shoulder like the devil even though a rational part of him warned him that it would not be the best choice. He wanted to destroy himself at this point, missing the familiar pain his piercings left on his ears and nose. He was breathing hard to calm himself, persuading his brain to shut its damn trap.

It's getting annoying, fucking shit. Everything's been chaotic.

The first few days were blank, spending it staring at mindless paintings and counting how many times the water from the faucet dropped in the sink. It was eerie yet relaxing, the silence enveloping him like a plague until it bit back to tell him how much madness he needed to unleash but couldn't. He secretly had his mp3 player in his pocket, and he would watch the door and the shadow underneath, checking if someone would come in. To this day, he still couldn't take it out.

He missed that damn voice, but he needed to be patient. He shouldn't miss her. He shouldn't think about her. This is nothing, he convinced himself. This is nothing compared to all the abuse I've endured before. The angry stare. The hateful remarks. The violent beatings. The disapproval underlying Enji's tone. His rough hand smacking him in the face. The burning scars left on his skin from the heating iron. The pitiful stares. The blood he spat from his mouth.

Everything.

EVERYTHING.

I WANNA DIE.

Out of panic, he quickly reached for the mp3 player from his pocket, a secret he kept from the treatment center. He wasn't supposed to have any gadgets with him, but he knew he had to. He couldn't drink alcohol. He couldn't smoke a stick to curb this annoying feeling. He cannot destroy shit. But he had to hear that soothing voice. He had to endure.

He put in the earbuds and played the audio, his breathing coming down in sighs as he felt himself relaxing.

"Touya..."

"Yes, call me that," he said to no one, tears streaming down as he smiled in satisfaction.

"Touya..."

"Touya..."

"Are you awake?"

"I made you breakfast."

"Touya..."

"Do you want me to take an off day from work?"

"Yes," he answered, hugging the pillow beside him and imagining it was her. "Just stay. Stay with me."

"Touya..."

"I love you..."

"Touya..."

I love you too.

------

Touya has learned something, and that therapy was another form of circle from hell, or that was just him. He heard people preach about therapy all the time, that undergoing therapy healed them, made them see the light at the end of the tunnel, and had them humbled in a way they could never explain. Touya wished it was the same for him, but nah. It wasn't. Therapy was another circle from hell. It made him too vulnerable, too open he could feel the burnt scars on his skin itching too much the more the therapist asked him about himself.

He also thought his therapist couldn't care less about his minimal responses, the first few days boring him as the man asked about his name, how old he was, what he did for a living after he ran away, what helped him cope—you know, the basic questions every therapist could ask for.

"Todoroki Touya. 26. I did odd jobs. Alcohol. Cigarettes. Fighting."

The therapist looked displeased, he noted. He probably wanted more answers than that.

"Have you been in therapy before?"

"No."

"What do you expect from this session?"

"I don't know."

"Why are you seeking therapy?"

If he was being honest, Touya's answer would be: "I don't know? Just to get this shit done, I guess?" Not like he would be rude now. After all, he returned as Todoroki Touya after seven years of rebelling. He should keep his damn trap if he wanted them all back.

Even her.

"Do you want to become a better person?"

"Yes."

next chap

masterlist

[vamptizm]

hi ! you can call me ana — 𖤐𝄞

. . . about me .ᐟ ᯓᡣ𐭩

twenty—one .ᐟ north african .ᐟ wlw (90% sure i’m a lesbian lol) .ᐟ men dni

. . . do not interact .ᐟ ᯓᡣ𐭩

if you’re bigoted in any kind of way

if you’re zionist

dni with my nsfw content if -18

if you’re a big fat hater

if you’re A MAN this is not a safe space

ᯓ 𝜗𝜚 masterlist (in the future)

anything you consume is your responsibility, i am not your mother but i will provide the necessary warnings

i will not be writing for : emily engstler / any other suspected weirdos / anyone under 20 unless it’s sfw

i will not be tolerating anyone coming onto my account to talk about emily engstler or sue bird, FUCK them! i don’t wanna hear shit about whatever excuses you’ve made for them, keep it away from me and to yourself thanks.

also english is not my first language, nor my second so let us pls all keep that in mind in case i fuck something up lol

[funtheysaid]

IWTV 2x02 Initial Thoughts (Stream Of Consciousness)

- ooh the title card changed! I’ve been wanting to see the Eiffel Tower as a “fang” since season two was announced. WE IN PARIS BABY!

- ayooo three-way (interview) incoming

- Daniel’s “Paris sucks” aka “Paris is where my ex-bf is from and he sucks (dick), but not mine anymore, and no, I’m not bitter abt that, his city just fucking stinks (literally)”

- not two minutes in and Devil’s Minion is already flirting bickering

- ALICE MENTION alice!armand truthers are gon love that shit i just know

- “I’ll tell you what a woman is” That’s my sapphic-coded queen!!! 🕯️ pls S2 give me claudeleine 🕯️

- “Gauche” well, yes.

- Loumand: 🥰🥰 Daniel: 🙄 he‘s so second-hand embarrassed for them I can’t

- I mean, it’s crazy. What? We finish each other’s- I WAS WITH HIM FOR LONGER THAN LESTAT WAS WITH HIM WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN DANIEL PUT IT ON RECORD WEVE BEEN FUCKING FOR LIKE DOUBLE THE TIME …that’s what i…was….gonna say?

- Louis would be that faux-intellectual hipster who has his own darkroom full of overexposed and blurry, unfocused photos that are his “art” bc he took them on film (affectionate)

- Not claudia calling him out on it in the next scene “let me think I’m deeper than I am” okay honey you do you

- “She’s miserable but she doesn’t want to fuck with your too delusional left bank dilettante vibes” ahh the narrative foils are foiling, I see

- The show: Alice was pregnant, My dumb ass: OMEGAVERSE DEVILS MINION !?!?

- “joyfully joyless” MOOD.

- Claudia looking at Madeleine like “I don’t know if I want to be her or be with her” Dw babe it’s a rite of passage for all of us you’ll figure it out

- “Your French is ugly” 🥹👉👈 weally?

- “the dress for my body” LOOK I know what she meant, but I can’t help it that my mind is perverted

- LMFAO NOT GLORYHOLE PARK

- okay why Loumand playing with my heart “I will never harm you. And I never have” wtf wtf wtf

-Oh no the ole business card trick! we all know that’s Louis’ kryptonite he loves a man with credentials

- i like girls, but why is santiago kinda…

- Woah the Annika scene was really hard to watch which I think was the point but goddamn idk if I’ll be able to rewatch that part

- Estelle is my self-insert. I’m claiming her.

- “You both fucked Lestat!?!” HOW DID THEY KNOW WE WANTED HIM TO SAY THAT!?

- “He tasted of vermouth and annihilation” We both know you have no earthly idea what that man tastes like, Armand. Be so fucking fr right now.

- Did Armand just casually drop that he had a threesome with a father and son? I’m sorry, sir????

- “Now I know what two blood fat cocks slapping hands feel like” When I tell you my spirit left my body

- oh shit here we go. I’m a caged animal and it’s time for my weekly enrichment. give me my loustat.

- there’s a letter !?!? Wait wait I wasn’t ready for something like this wait stop stop please

- “all my love belongs to you. you are its keeper” just take me out back and shoot me at this point

- “it is a thin veil” fucking fuck why was that so romantic??

- the blood tears welling up in Lestat’s eyes I’m-

- “Rebound of my life” and in that moment, he spoke for the people

- WHAT IS HAPPENING???? Jesus Christ, they were talking about Alice and then it cuts to FUCKING ARMAND!?! This is not a drill. Everyone to your stations, this is not a drill.

- “You sold your Dad’s playboy magazines at recess” Hmmm? You’re telling me a “straight” teenage boy sold porno mags instead of keeping them for himself??? Yeah, I call gay on that one

- “she wanted to say yes” you motherfuckers.

- Oh shit Louis is pissy tonight rawr kitty got claws

- Devils minion girlies are thriving, skin glowing, hair silky, breath minty, pillow cold, stomach full, dreams sweet, and by Jove, we fucking deserve it !!!!

- daniel’s shaky “um- gulp” …….guys this is gonna sound crazy but i think there might actually be a god

- ooh the camera/photography being like a divide or barrier between Louis and his present situation. Like he wants to capture the moments, but only as if an onlooker and not a participant… interesting!

- “Who?” will never not be funny

- “Mon ami” in the same episode as “Mon Cher” FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW

- “Armand for you” nah nah nah i changed my mind, you can do like Leatherface and shove that chainsaw in rough and hard

- Close up on Louis’ conflicted face, fire blazing behind him…. That’s not foreboding in any way. I’m sure they’ll all live happily ever after from now on :D

What a ride! Until next week! 🧛‍♂️🩸

[ntonlvr]

Can't Help Myself Falling Endlessly 3-4?

synopsis: sohee decides to throw a party. anton and y/n continue to sneak around..

what could possibly happen next..stay tuned

word count: 7.5k>

status: 4/? (this 2 chapters in one)

content warning: explicit sexual content, oral (fem and male receiving), drunk sex, slight mutual masturbation (?), idk what else to tag lmaoo

please leave feedback :)

The morning sun filtered through your curtains, casting a gentle glow over your room as you stretched, thoughts of last night with Anton lingering in your mind. His kiss, the way his hands felt on you, replayed vividly. You reach for your phone and settle back into bed, the cool sheets enveloping you. With a giddy excitement, you prepare to spill everything to your online besties, Taro and Sung. 

You’d been friends with them for years, bonding over shared interests and countless late-night conversations. They were all well aware of your history with Anton–a childhood friend with whom you’d recently felt a growing connection beyond mere friendship. Whenever you needed advice or just a sympathetic ear, they were always there. 

Just as you were about to text them, Sohee’s voice echoed from downstairs. “Hey, Y/N,  are you up? I need your help please!” Rolling your eyes, you chose to ignore him for the moment, fingers quickly tapping across the screen.

TEXTING CYBER BULLIES:

y/n: good morning :) guess whos filling my mind this morning …

taro: hmm anton 👀

sung: yeah, i second that. it has to be anton 

You grinned at their responses, fingers flying over the keyboard as you recounted last night's movie night. The way you were both snuggled up sharing light touches before the moment turned into something more. 

y/n: you won’t believe what happened last night 

taro: ooh ?? pls tell

sung: spill right now

y/n: well last night anton came over for a movie night, right. well we had a few shots of soju and we ended up kissing,, but like more heated …

taro: WAIT what!? i thought you guys were just friends!! did i miss a chapter 

sung: no stupid. that’s the news. BUT Y/N WE NEED MORE INFO NEOW.

sung: we know you had a fat crush on this man, but never expected you to actually do anything about it..

y/n: hey- i would’ve done something about it

y/n: i would like the jury to know that i did in fact make the first move

taro: and when you say the kissing got heated? what do you mean by that

y/n: um we might’ve felt each other up. and he definitely kissed me elsewhere.. you get the picture

sung: oh we will be facetiming later to discuss more details. you aren’t getting out of that

taro: yeah for sure. but how are you feeling? what are you gonna do??

y/n: well we agreed to keep it a secret for now, just so we can figure out our feelings for real. and how to break it to sohee if we progress further.

sung: SOHEE DOESN’T KNOW ?? DUDE 

y/n: hey remember when i said “we agreed to keep it a secret” OF COURSE SOHEE DOESN’T KNOW STUPID.

sung: well was it just heated kissing? if so i don’t think there’s any harm in that.

y/n: about that heheh…

taro: y/n i swear to god,, what else are you hiding from us .

y/n: after he left last night, we were texting- actually let me send a screenshot of our texts

y/n: *screenshot*

sung: .. no freaking way .. Y/N HE SNUCK OVER AFTER HE LEFT FOR THE NIGHT ..oh he’s got it bad for you

taro: oh 0.0 “i would love to feel you right now” you’re actually insane for that (i love it)

y/n: um so he did in fact sneak over. let’s just say a man can please and ya girl can please.

taro: and sohee had no idea anton came back over last night? girl you are so in the clear right now

sung: this is some next-level drama. i am living for this BUT how are you keeping this a secret?

y/n: idk 😭 that’s the hard part. we don’t really get a lot of 1:1 time because of sohee

taro: hmm maybe you can both sneak away tn since sohee’s throwing a party

y/n: how do you know he- stalker

sung: taro quit stalking sohee’s socials

taro: i like to know things, okay 

y/n: but taro does have a point. there will be enough people around so anton and i can have some alone time

taro: im living for the secret rendezvous with you and anton. so what’s the next move?

y/n:  i want to look good tonight. idk the thought of looking so good in front of anton when he has to act normal is making me go crazy

taro: you already know i support. pls send outfit ideas

As you laughed at their playful encouragement, Sohee called again, louder this time, “Y/N! Seriously, come help me. I know you’re up, I can hear you laughing.” You smirked and typed one last message.

y/n: i will!! i gotta go before sohee loses it -.-

You head downstairs and grab a cup of coffee to kickstart your day. Sohee enters, carrying a box of lights and other decorations. 

“Finally! I thought you were trying to skip out on helping me,” Sohee says, placing the box next to you. 

“I don’t get why we need all these lights. We already have lights in the backyard,” you reply, eyeing the tangled mess.

“Yeah, but these are way better. Anyway, I did have something I wanted to talk to you about last night,” he begins, leaning against the counter with a more serious expression.

Your heart skips a beat, and a wave of anxiety washes over you. “What about it?”

Sohee sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I noticed something weird when I joined you both for that movie last night. Like something with Anton,” he says, his tone filled with curiosity. “Anton seemed kind of off, like he was distracted.”

A lump forms in your throat, and you struggle to maintain a calm facade. “Distracted? What do you mean?” you ask, trying to sound casual, but the slight tremor in your voice betrays you.

Sohee pours himself some coffee, looking thoughtful. “I don’t know, just a feeling. He was quieter than usual. Maybe he’s got something on his mind.”

You force a laugh, relieved that Sohee hasn’t pieced anything together. “Yeah, he’s been stressed about work lately. Probably just that.”

Sohee shrugs, seemingly satisfied with your explanation. “Makes sense. Anyway, let’s get these decorations up. The party won’t set itself up.”

You nod, the tension easing as you both start untangling the lights. The relief washes over you, knowing that your secret is still safe for now.

The morning flew by in a whirlwind of party preparations with Sohee. As you helped him hang lights and arrange decorations, your mind kept drifting back to Anton and what the evening might bring. Around midday, while you were putting the final touches in place, Sohee’s phone began buzzing loudly. 

“Sohee, could you please pass me another hook so these lights stop falling?” you called out.

“Sorry, I’m actually going to head out and grab drinks for tonight,” Sohee replied, already reaching for his keys. “Do you mind holding the fort down while I’m gone?”

“Can’t you grab me a hook before you leave?” you retorted, frustration evident in your voice. 

“Well, I’m already out the door, Sorry, I’ll be back in a little while,” he said, closing the door behind him.

“What an ass,” you mutter to yourself. Did he really just leave you to finish setting up for a party he wanted to throw? “Whatever,” you thought. “I’ll wrap this up and then get ready for tonight.”

In your room, you laid out your chosen outfit on your bed and took a shower to refresh yourself. The warm water helped relax your nerves, and you spent extra time carefully styling your hair into loose waves that frame your face effortlessly. 

Unlocking your phone, you started a FaceTime call with Taro and Sung to get their opinion on your fit for the night. 

“Hey, Y/N! What’s up?” Taro greeted you enthusiastically as his face appeared on the screen. 

“I need your fashion advice,” you said with a grin, “I already chose this dress, but I have another option in case the jury doesn’t like it.”

Sung leaned forward, curious. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

You set your phone up, and backed away from the camera, displaying the dress you had on. A skimpy sundress in a pastel floral print that hugged your curves in all the right places. “Okay, this is the first option. A personal favorite,” you explained, giving a playful twirl to show it off. 

Taro’s eyes widened with approval. “Wow, Y/N you look hot in that dress. It really compliments you so well.”

Sung nods in agreement. “Definitely. It’s perfect for tonight. Anton won’t be able to take his eyes, and maybe even his hands off you.”

Before you could grab the second outfit, Taro exclaimed, “We don’t even need to see the other one. This is perfect!

Sung nodded in agreement. “Yeah, seriously. Anton won’t be able to resist you in that.”

You laughed, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. “You really think so?”

“Absolutely,” Taro said confidently.

“Totally,” Sung added with a grin.

The thrill of teasing Anton added an extra layer of excitement to the night. You couldn’t wait to see his reaction when he sees you. Taro and Sung could sense your anticipation and share in your excitement. 

“We can’t wait to hear how this plays out for you,” Taro said, eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Yeah, keep us updated,” Sung added. “This is going to be so much fun.”

You smiled, feeling more confident than ever. “Thanks, guys. I’ll let you know how it goes. Tonight is going to be good.”

“Sorry guys, hold on a sec,” you apologize, tapping the screen to switch over to Sohee’s call. The image shifts to a chaotic scene in Sohee’s car, packed with shopping bags brimming with bottles of various liquors.

“Sohee, what’s all this?” you laugh, eyeing the assortment of drinks.

Sohee grins mischievously. “I figured we needed a little something extra for tonight. And look who I found on the way back,” he gestures towards Anton, who waves from the passenger seat, a shy smile on his face. 

Anton leans into the camera view, his voice tinged with humor. “Hey, Y/N. Sohee decided to kidnap me for the cause.”

You chuckle at them, feeling a surge of excitement for the night ahead. “Well, looks like we’re all set then. Thanks, Sohee. See you both soon.” With a wave goodbye, you switch back to Taro and Sung, who are grinning at the unexpected interruption. “Okay, I gotta go, babes. I’m pretty sure Sohee is close to being back and is gonna need help with everything.”

Taro laughed. “Good luck! And remember, we need all the juicy details later.”

“Yeah, and don’t leave anything out!” Sung added.

You smiled, feeling a renewed sense of confidence. “Don’t worry, you’ll get the full scoop. Talk to you later.”

The evening air was thick with anticipation as Sohee’s car pulled up to the front of the house. Anton stepped out first, followed closely by Sohee, who was balancing the bags of goodies with practiced ease. They exchanged knowing glances, both fully aware of the surprise that was about to unfold.

You descended the stairs, your presence catching Anton’s attention almost immediately. Anton’s breath caught in his throat as he beheld you in the sundress, the soft pastels playing against your skin like a delicate watercolor. His gaze traced the curve of your waist, the gentle flow of the fabric over your figure, and the way the dress seemed to illuminate you with a subtle radiance.

At that moment, time seemed to slow for Anton. He couldn’t help but marvel at how effortlessly you wore confidence like a second skin, how every movement you made seemed to carry a quiet grace that captivated him anew. Thoughts raced through his mind, a whirlwind of admiration and desire intertwined. 

“Wow,” Anton managed to whisper, the word escaping his lips almost involuntarily. His heart hammered in his chest, a mixture of awe and a deeper, more profound feeling stirring within him. He found himself unable to look away, wanting to etch this moment into his memory. 

As you reached the bottom of the stairs, your smile brightened at the sight of Anton. You could sense his reaction, the unspoken admiration that hung in the air like a delicate thread. It was a moment suspended in time, where words seemed unnecessary amidst the unspoken language of glances and smiles. 

You joined Sohee and Anton as they gathered the remaining supplies from the car. The back seat was filled with bags from different stores, and a variety of beverages. Anton began to unload them while you and Sohee carried them inside. 

“How was the store?” you asked, breaking the silence as they maneuvered through the hallway. 

Anton glanced at you, trying to keep his focus on the task at hand. “It was alright. Sohee managed to get all the best deals.”

Sohee nodded in agreement, setting down his load on the kitchen counter. “Definitely, I know what I’m doing. Thanks for helping us by the way.”

You smiled warmly, “Of course, I’m happy to help.”

As they continued unpacking, you reached to grab a big bowl from the top shelf, inadvertently lifting the hem of your dress just enough to expose the bottom of your ass. Anton’s eyes widened slightly at the unexpected glimpse, his cheeks flushing as he looked away, trying to maintain composure. You bit your lip, suppressing a smile at his reaction before bending over to now retrieve something you didn’t even need, knowing full well you were testing Anton’s self-control at this point.

As they unpacked the bags, Y/N noticed Anton stealing glances at you from time to time. You couldn’t resist a playful tease. Setting down a bottle, you turned towards Anton. “Enjoying the view?” you ask in a low whisper.

Anton’s cheeks flushed slightly, caught off guard by your directness. He chuckled nervously, trying to play it cool. “Uh, maybe a little,” he admitted with a shy smile. 

Y/N tilted her head, pretending to ponder. “Well, I guess that’s a compliment,” she replied, her eyes sparking mischievously.

As they continued unpacking, you reached to grab a big bowl from the top shelf, inadvertently lifting the hem of your dress just enough to expose the bottom of your ass. Anton’s eyes widened slightly at the unexpected glimpse, his cheeks flushing as he looked away, trying to maintain composure. You bit your lip, suppressing a smile at his reaction before bending over to now retrieve something you didn’t even need, knowing full well you were testing Anton’s self-control at this point.

Anton shifted his position, feeling the tension between them growing more palpable with each playful gesture. 

“So, Anton,” Sohee called from the other side of the kitchen, oblivious to the teasing. “Can you check if we have enough mixers?”

“Uh, sure,” Anton replied, his voice a bit strained. He moved to the pantry, grateful for the temporary distraction. As he rummaged through the shelves, he couldn’t help but steal glances at Y/N, who was now leaning over the counter, her movements slow and deliberate.

You straightened up, catching Anton’s eye once more. She walked over to him, your smile innocent but your eyes twinkling with mischief. “Need any help in there?” she asked sweetly, standing just a bit too close. 

Anton took a deep breath, forcing a smile. “I think I’ve got it, thanks,” he said, trying to keep his tone casual.

As you reached for a bottle on the shelf next to Anton, you subtly grazed his side, your touch light and seemingly accidental but enough to send a shiver through Anton. He tensed, trying to remain composed as the playful gesture heightened the already charged atmosphere between them, 

“Sohee,” you called over your shoulder, your tone light and playful, “do we have enough glasses for the drinks?”

Sohee nodded, still focused on his own task. “Yeah, they should be in the cabinet above the sink.”

You turned back to Anton, giving him a final teasing smile before moving away to fetch the glasses. Anton exhaled slowly, his mind racing with thoughts of you and your playful antics. He knew the evening was only just beginning, and he had a feeling your teasing was far from over.

With Sohee bustling in the kitchen, organizing the drinks and setting out other necessities, you seized the opportunity to steak a moment alone with Anton. You flashes him a smile, a silent invitation to join you in a corner of the living room away from Sohee.

Anton hesitated for a moment, glancing over at Sohee to ensure he wouldn’t notice their brief absence. Then, unable to resist your playful allure, he followed you to the secluded corner. 

You leaned against the wall, your eyes glinting with mischief as you watched Anton approach. “Finally, some peace and quiet,” you murmured, your voice soft and inviting. 

Anton nodded, feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement. “Yeah, it’s been a little hectic in there,” he replied, his gaze fixed on you.

You took a step closer, your proximity sending a shiver down Anton’s spine. “I noticed you’ve been a bit distracted,”  you teased, your fingers lightly brushing his arm.

Anton swallowed hard, the touch of your fingers sending a wave of warmth through him. “It’s hard not to be,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your smile widened, pleased by his honesty. “Good to know I have that effect on you,” you said, your tone playful yet sincere. You leaned in, your lips just inches from his ear. “You know, you’re making it very hard for me to focus on anything else.”

Anton’s heart raced, the intimacy of the moment almost overwhelming. “You’re not making it easy for me either,” he confessed, his breath hitching. 

You chuckled softly, your breath warm against his skin. “Maybe that’s the point,” she whispered, your lips brushing against his ear ever so slightly.

"Imagine what else I could do if we were alone... just the two of us."

Before you could pull back, Anton’s hands were on you, unable to resist any longer. His fingers traced the curve of your waist, pulling you closer until there was no space between you. “You’re driving me crazy,” he murmured, his voice rough with desire.

You shivered at his touch, a pleased smile playing on your lips. “You can’t seem to take your hands off me, can you?” you teased, your tone light but your eyes dark with invitation. 

“Can you blame me?” Anton replied, his hands roaming over your back, pulling you even closer. “You look absolutely stunning tonight. I can’t resist touching you.”

“Good to know,” you whispered back, enjoying the way his touch sent waves of heat through you. “But we can’t stay hidden forever. Sohee will start wondering where we went.”

Anton was about to respond, to the close distance between you, when Sohee’s voice rang out from the kitchen.

"Hey, Anton! Can you give me a hand with these coolers? They're too heavy for me to lift alone."

Anton groaned inwardly, the moment shattered by the interruption. He pulled back reluctantly, glancing at you, who wore an amused expression. "Duty calls," you said with a wink, clearly enjoying the effect you had on him.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," Anton called back to Sohee, his voice tinged with frustration.

Moments later, you both joined Sohee in welcoming their friends, the atmosphere quickly filling with lively chatter and music. The front door swung open repeatedly as guests arrived, bringing with them bursts of laughter and clinking of bottles. Sohee, in his element, floated around the room and backyard, ensuring everyone had a drink and was having a good time. 

As the night progressed, you found yourself standing at the makeshift bard in the backyard. You leaned over to grab a pop from the lower shelf, your dress riding up slightly. Anton’s breath hitched instinctively reaching out to steady you, his fingers brushing against the exposed skin.

“You really can’t keep your hands off me, can you?” you whispered, a teasing smile playing on your lips as you straightened up, holding the can of pop.

Anton’s eyes darkened, his voice low as he replied, “You’re impossible to resist. I told you.”

Before you could respond, a group of friends approached them, breaking the intimate moment. You both plastered on friendly smiles, engaging in casual conversation, but the tension between you remained palpable.

As the party buzzed with energy, music thumped and laughter filled the air. Anton leaned in, whispering to you, “Wanna get out of here?”

You shared a smirk and began weaving your way through the crowd, aiming for upstairs. Just as you reached the stairs, Sohee, visibly tipsy, intercepted you, swaying slightly.

“Hey! Where are you two sneaking off to?” he asked, his words slurring a bit. “You aren’t leaving, are you?”

You and Anton exchanged a look, their escape thwarted. “Uh, just going to get more drinks. Looks like we’re running low,” you replied, trying to act natural.

Sohee grinned. “Perfect! That’s what I was going to ask you both to do. It’s like you read my mind.”

“Yeah, of course, Sohee,” Anton replied, chuckling. “Anything for you.”

Sohee beamed. “You guys are the best!” I’ll make sure the party doesn’t die while you’re gone.”

As the car hummed down the road, the city lights flickering past, Anton’s hand found its way to your thigh, tracing soft patterns with his fingertips. His touch sent a shiver of anticipation through you.

“Can’t believe Sohee actually sent us on a beer run,” you chuckled, stealing a glance at Anton.

He smirked, his eyes glinting in the dim light. “Maybe it’s not such a bad thing.” His hand slid higher, a teasing warmth spreading through your body. 

You bit your lip, feeling the heat rise within you. “You think you can keep your hands to yourself?” you teased.

Anton leaned closer, his voice low and filled with a playful challenge. “Why would I want to, when you look so good?” His warm breath brushed against your ear, sending tingles down your spine.

You laughed softly, but then gleamed at the road ahead. “Hey, pay attention to the road,” you teased, your voice mock-serious.

Anton chuckled, his hand still gently exploring. “Don’t worry,” he said confidently, his tone cocky and flirty. “I’ve got my hands–and eyes–right where they need to be.”

The car pulled up to the liquor store, and you both hopped out to grab the beers Sohee had requested, along with other beverages. The task was simple enough, but the tension between you both was high.

As he drove, the tension between you both grew undeniable. Anton glanced at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You know,” he said, his voice low and suggestive, “we have a bit of time before we head back.”

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?” you asked, your voice laced with a mixture of curiosity and excitement.

Without answering, Anton turned down a quiet, secluded road, pulling over in a spot hidden by trees. He killed the engine and looked at Y/N with a smirk. “Why don’t we take a little detour?” 

You grinned, heart pounding with anticipation. “Lead the way,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, already intoxicated by the daring excitement of what was to come.

Anton flashed a wicked smile and opened his door, stepping out of the driver's seat. He moved around the car, opening the back door and gesturing for you to join him. “Get in the backseat,” he suggested, his tone a mix of command and invitation.

As they settled into the backseat, Anton’s lips captured yours, the kiss deepening as his hands roamed eagerly. He traced up your sides, fingers brushing your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, your breaths mingling in the confined space. Anton’s hands explored your curves, sliding beneath your dress, his touch warm and urgent.

He felt you shiver as his hand ventured higher, fingers tracing the soft fabric of your panties. “You’re so wet for me,” he whispered, a satisfied grin spreading across his face.

You gasped, your body responding to his touch, the sensation intoxicating. Anton’s fingers pressed lightly over you, feeling the heat radiating, his own desire intensifying.

“You like this, don’t you?” he murmured, his voice low and husky, lips brushing against your ear. The thrill of their secret moment, hidden away from the world, only heightened their connection.

You whimpered softly, your breath hitching as Anton’s fingers continued their tantalizing exploration. Emboldened by your response, he kissed a trail down your neck, his lips trailing lower with each tender caress. He knelt between your legs, his gaze locked with yours, filled with hunger.

"Anton…" you breathed out as his palms found their way upwards. "We should go back," you said, feeling a mix of urgency and desire.

"We should," he agreed, though his hands showed no intention of stopping. His fingers teased your skin, drawing you closer.

"We need to get back," you insisted, a teasing glint in your eyes.

"Then let's stop," Anton suggested, his lips brushing against yours.

"You first," you challenged, a playful smile on your lips.

"I can't," he admitted, his voice low and filled with need.

"Then let's finish," you replied, surrendering to the heated moment. Your lips met his once more, lost in the intensity of your connection. The urgency of the world outside faded into oblivion as you both gave in to the passionate, stolen moments in the backseat of the car.

Anton’s mouth found your inner thigh, his tongue tracing a path of fire along your skin. Your fingers threaded through his hair, urging him closer as he teased you, building tension to an unbearable peak. When his lips finally met your core, it was like an electric shock, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body.

His touch was expert, each movement deliberate and intoxicating. Your breath hitched with each flick of his tongue, the gentle sucking on your clit sending tremors of delight through your ent9ire being. He alternated between soft, teasing licks and firmer strokes, each one eliciting a gasp or maon from your lips. The sensations were almost too much, your body arching towards him, seeking more of that friction.

“Anton, please,” you gasped, your voice barely a whisper as the pleasure built inside you.

“Tell me what you want,” he hummed against your skin, his breath hot and tantalizing. 

“Don’t stop,” you pleaded, your fingers tightening in his hair. “Please, don’t stop.”

Anton’s hands gripped your hips, holding you in place as he continued his ministrations. His tongue moved with a rhythm that drove you wild. His mouth was warm and insistent, every movement designed just for you, to bring you over the edge. 

“You taste so good,” he growled softly, his voice sending another shiver down your spine.

His lips wrapped around your clit, gently sucking and then releasing, only to repeat the motion. You felt your muscles tighten in anticipation, the coil inside you winding tighter and tighter.

“Oh, god, Anton,” you moaned, your hips bucking against his mouth. “I’m so close…”

He paused for a moment, his breath hot against your wet skin, before diving back down with renewed vigor. His tongue pressed firmly against your clit, moving in slow, deliberate circles, causing your toes to curl.

Your fingers tightened in his hair, your breaths coming in short, ragged gasps. You could feel the edge of release approaching, your body tensing as your high was nearing. Anton sensed this, his hands sliding up your thighs to hold you even closer, his tongue working you relentlessly. 

Anton flicked his tongue rapidly against your clit and then sucked your clit hard, the coil inside you snapped. You cry out Anton’s name with ecstasy, your body trembling with the intensity. Anton continued to work you through your high, his mouth never leaving your core. 

He didn't stop until he had drawn out every last shiver and moan from you, his tongue soothing and gentle now, easing you down from the heights of pleasure. When you finally collapsed back against the seat, spent and breathless, Anton kissed his way back up your body, his eyes dark with desire and a hint of satisfaction.

Anton’s eyes sparkled with anticipation as you pushed him gently against the seat. You kissed your way down his neck, your lips trailing along his collarbone and chest. 

“Y/N,” he breathed, his voice a husky growl. “What are you doing?”

You smiled against his skin, your hands moving to unbutton his jeans. ‘Giving you what you deserve,” you replied, your voice low and seductive.

“We should go back now,” he said, but his voice lacked conviction, his body already responding to your touch.

You slid his jeans down, your fingers tracing the hard outline of his arousal through his boxers. Anton’s breath quickened, his eyes never leaving yours. 

With a hunger that matched his own, you lowered yourself between his legs, your lips brushing against his inner thigh. Anton’s sharp intake of breath spurred you on, your mouth finding him eagerly. You started with soft, teasing kisses along his length, your tongue darting out to taste him,

“God, Y/N,” he groaned, his hands now tangling in your hair.

You looked up at him, eyes full of mischief. “That’s the idea,” you said, before taking him fully into your mouth. Your tongue danced along his member, teasing and tasting him as you worked him to the same completion he did to you moments before. 

Anton’s grip on the seat tightened as he surrendered to the pleasure you gave him. He whispered words of encouragement to you as you continued your attack. You increased your pace, your movements becoming more fervent as you felt him growing harder against your tongue. His hips bucked slightly, matching your rhythm, and you knew he was close.

“Y/N,” he gasped, his voice strained with need. “I’m so close, I’m about to come…”

You only redoubled your efforts, taking him deeper, your tongue swirling around the sensitive tip before descending again. With a final stroke, you felt him reach his high, his release filling your mouth as he groaned your name. You swallowed, taking every last bit, your eyes locked. 

As you pulled back, you stuck your tongue out to show Anton you had swallowed every last bit. The sight alone made him lose it, his breath hitching as he stared at you with a dazed look. 

“God,” is all he managed to breathe out. 

Anton pulled you into a lingering kiss before leaning back with a satisfied sigh. “We should probably get back,” he said, his voice low. 

You smiled, your body still humming from the intensity of your shared moment. “Yeah, before Sohee starts wondering where we are.”

With a reluctant sigh, you both fixed your clothes and climbed back into the front seats. The car hummed to life, and as you drove back to the party, the tension between you and Anton was replaced with comfortable silence. The intimacy of your recent encounter still lingering in the air. 

As the car approached the party, the sound of music and laughter grew louder. You could see the house lit up, people milling about in the front yard, holding drinks and talking animatedly. Anton parked the car and turned to you, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Stepping out of the car, you both grabbed the bags of drinks and headed towards the house. The moment you walked in, you were greeted by a way more drunk Sohee, his eyes widening with relief and excitement.

"There you are!" he exclaimed, stumbling slightly as he approached you. "I was starting to think you guys got lost or something."

Anton chuckled, handing Sohee a bag of drinks. "Just had a little detour. But we got everything you asked for."

Sohee swayed a bit, peering into the bag with a grin. “Perfect! You guys are lifesavers.” He reached out to pat Anton on the shoulder but paused, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Hey, uh, Anton…your fly is down.”

Anton quickly looked down, his cheeks reddening slightly as he zipped up. “Oops, must’ve been in a hurry. We stopped to use the bathroom,” he said with a casual laugh.

Sohee then turned his attention to you, his gaze lingering on  your slightly tousled hair. “And Y/N, your hair is looking a mess.”

You felt your cheeks flush as you quickly tried to smooth your hair. “Yeah, the wind was crazy out there.”

Sohee laughed, giving you a playful shove. “Sure, sure. You might want to keep that under control unless you want to scare everyone away.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t smile at how even drunk Sohee still tries to bully you. “Thanks for the advice, dick.”

He raised an eyebrow, a hint of suspicion in his gaze, but he was too far gone to dwell on it. “Well, as long as you’re back with the drinks. Let’s keep this party going!”

He grabbed a beer from the bag and cracked it open, raising it in a toast. “ To the best beer runners ever!”

You and Anton exchanged a look of relief, clinking your bottles together before taking a sip. The party continued in full swing, the music thumping and laughter filling the air. Sohee, now distracted by other friends, quickly forgot his earlier suspicions, and you and Anton were able to blend back into the lively atmosphere, the thrill of your secret adding an extra spark to the night.

Anton found himself with his friends Wonbin and Eunseok, their group gathered in the kitchen with bottles in hand. The conversation flowed easily, punctuated by bursts of laughter and the occasional teasing remark. Anton glanced outside where you were sitting with your friends Karina and Ningning at a small table, a bit away from the main crowd. You looked radiant, your laughter infectious as you animatedly chatted with the girls. 

Karina nudged you playfully, her eyes twinkling with curiosity. “You and Anton seem awfully close tonight,” she remarked, her tone teasing. 

You shrugged nonchalantly, though your cheeks warmed at the comment. “He’s just my best friend, and you know that,” you replied, taking a sip of your drink to hide your smile.

Ningning leaned in, her voice a conspiratorial whisper. “You two would make a cute couple, you know.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “It’s not like that,” you insisted, but the words felt less convincing even to your own ears. Your gaze drifted back to Anton, who was now engrossed in a story Eunseok  was telling, his smile bright and genuine. 

You stumble upstairs, a little tipsy but still steady enough to navigate the familiar path to your room. Closing the door behind you, you kick off your shoes and collapse onto your bed, the soft fabric of your sundress bunching up around your thighs. Grinning to yourself, you pull out your phone and open a new message to Anton.

y/n: hey handsome ;)

You giggle to yourself, hitting send. It doesn’t take long for your phone to buzz with a response.

Anton: Hey, where’d you go?

y/n: upstairs. needed a break from the noise. u should come join meeee

You bite your lip, your fingers dancing over the keyboard as you continue

y/n: im all alone…in bed…and it’s kind of boring without u

You know Anton is still downstairs with his friends, and the thought of him trying to hide his phone to read your messages makes you giggle. Your phone buzzes again.

Anton: I’m with the guys, I can’t just leave like that

y/n: why not? im more fun than them

You can almost imagine him trying to keep a straight face while reading your texts. Deciding to take it up a notch, you reach for the hem of your dress, hiking it up just enough to reveal your bare skin. Angling the phone just right, you snap a photo and send it to him. 

y/n: see? im not even wearing panties…

A thrill runs through you as you hit send, and you wait, heart pounding, for his response. This time, it takes a bit longer for his reply to come through.

Anton: Holy shit, Y/N. You’re killing me

y/n: u know what would be even better? u… up here with me

You start again, feeling more bold.

y/n: yeah im just laying here, thinking about u…touching myself

Your phone buzzes almost immediately.

Anton: You are so hot, oh my god…

You grin, knowing you’ve got him right where you want him.

y/n: come on, anton. don’t you want to see what you’re missing ;)

You lie back, anticipation building as you wait for his next move. Downstairs, Anton is struggling to keep his composure, sneaking glances at his phone while his friends are oblivious to his distraction. You can almost feel his tension, his desire to be up there with you instead of stuck trying to act normal.

Finally, his next message comes through. 

Anton: Give me 5 minutes

You smile, your heart racing with excitement. You know that in a few minutes, Anton will be there, and the night is going to take another exhilarating turn. But you decide to push him a little further. Propping yourself up on one elbow, you adjust your dress, pulling it up higher to reveal more. With a sultry look, you take another photo, making sure it captures the curve of your body and the suggestive hint of your touch.

y/n: hurry up…i’m getting impatient

You hit send, your heart racing as you imagine Anton’s reaction. The seconds tick by slowly, each one heightening your excitement. You can almost picture him trying to discreetly look at his phone, his friends none the wiser. 

Your phone buzzes again.

Anton: Damn, Y/N…you’re making this really hard to stay down here.

You bite your lip, feeling a rush of satisfaction.

y/n: just imagine how good it will feel to be up here with me…

The thrill of knowing he’s about to sneak away just for you is intoxicating. You send one final message, wanting to make sure he can’t resist.

y/n: just think about me… laying her, so wet and ready for you…

Another photo follows, this one even more revealing, leaving little to the imagination.

Anton: I’m on my way. 

You hear the creak of the stairs, each step bringing Anton closer. Your heart pounds in your chest, and you quickly check your appearance one last time. The door handle turns, and Anton slips into the room, closing and locking the door quietly behind him.

He stands there for a moment, taking in the sight of you sprawled on the bed, your dress hiked up, one hand resting on your inner thigh. His eyes darken with desire, and he walks over, his presence sending shivers down your spine. 

You start to pull your hand away, but he stops you with a firm but gentle command. “Don’t stop. Keep going.”

Your breath catches in your throat, and you nod shyly, resuming your slow, teasing strokes. His eyes never leave you, his intense gaze making your movements feel even more intimate. You feel your body reacting to his attention, every touch amplified by his look. 

Anton sits on the edge of the bed, close enough to reach out and touch you but holding back. His restraint only heightens your arousal, and you let out a soft moan, your fingers working urgently. 

“Anton..” you breathe, your voice trembling already with need. “Please…I want you.”

He leans in closer, his breath hot against your skin. “Not yet,” he murmurs, his voice a husky whisper. “I want to watch you a little longer.”

You whimper, your body aching for his touch, but you obey, for fingers continuing to play with your clit. His gaze is almost tangible, the heat in his eyes making you feel more exposed than ever. 

“Please, Anton,” you beg, your voice breaking with desperation. “I need you to touch me.”

His hand covers yours, guiding your movements. The contact sends a jolt of electricity through you, and you gasp, your body arching towards him. He watches you intently, his own arousal evident. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, his lips brushing against your ear. “But I want to hear you beg for it.”

“Please,” you moan, your voice raw with desire. “I need you. I need to feel you inside me.”

He pulls back slightly, he eyes locking onto yours with a fierce intensity. “Not yet,” he says firmly. “I want you to make yourself cum first. Show me what you do when I’m not around to help you.” Your eyes widen, and a shiver runs through you. “But Anton,” you whisper,  your voice giving out on you. “I- I can’t… I need you…”

“You can,” he insists, his voice a low growl. “Show me how badly you want it.”

You hesitate for a moment, your body aching for him. But the command in his voice is undeniable. You slide your hand back down, resuming the slow, tortuous strokes, your eyes locked on his. His gaze never wavers, watching every movement, every reaction.

To increase the sensation, you move your free hand up to your breasts, fingers grazing over your nipples. You pinch and tease them, gasping at the added pleasure. The dual actions overwhelm you, and you close your eyes, losing yourself in the feeling.

The sensation builds quickly, your own touch suddenly feeling more intense under his watchful eyes. Your breath comes in ragged gasps, your hips lifting off the bed as you chase your release. 

“Anton…please…” you moan, your body trembling.

“Keep going,” he murmurs, his voice like velvet. “Show me how much you want it.”

The words push you over the edge, your body tensing as the orgasm crashes over you. You cry out, your entire body shuddering with the force of it. 

As you come down from the high, Anton finally moves, his hands replacing yours, his touch sending aftershocks through your oversensitive skin. You notice his hand moving more deliberately over himself, his arousal palpable. 

He stands up, unbuttoning his jeans, his movements slow and knowing. You watch, your eyes fill with a mix of satisfaction and renewed desire as he finally starts to touch himself openly. But even now, his focus still remains on you, his eyes locked on yours as he begins to stroke himself, his breath coming in short gasps.

“You like watching me, don’t you,” he murmurs, his voice thick with lust. 

“Yes,” you whisper, your body still trembling from your release. “But I want to do more than just watch. Let me touch you.”

He shakes his head slowly, a teasing smile playing on his lips. “Not yet,” he says, his voice a tantalizing whisper. “You can look, but no touching.”

You whimper at his words, your core aching with renewed need as you watch him begin to pleasure himself. His movements are skilled and with purpose. His eyes locked onto yours as he slowly stroked himself, edging closer and closer to release. 

“Please, Anton,” you beg, your voice breaking. “I need you inside me. I need to feel you.”

He groans, his breath hitching as he slows his strokes, teasing himself. “Not yet,” he whispers, his voice strained. “I want to see you beg for it.”

“Anton,” you moan, your body trembling with desire. “I can’t take it anymore. Please… I need you.”

His eyes darkened with lust, and he moved closer, his hand still working over himself. “Keep begging,” he murmurs, his voice a low growl. “I want to hear how much you want it.”

“Please, Anton,” you cry out, your body arching towards him. “I need you so badly. I can’t stand it. Please…”

His eyes flash with satisfaction, and he finally gives in, positioning himself over you. He leans down, capturing your lips in a hungry kiss, his tongue teasing yours. You can taste the desire on his lips, feel it in the way his hands roam your body.

“You’re so perfect,” he whispers against your mouth, his voice thick with need. He pulls back just enough to align himself with you, the anticipation making you tremble. His eyes lock onto yours, holding your gaze as he slowly pushes inside, stretching and filling you in a way that makes you cry out.

Your nails dig into his back, your body arching against his. “Anton,” you gasp, your voice a mix of relief and overwhelming pleasure. “Oh god, yes!”

He moves with a deliberate, unhurried pace, each thrust deep and measured. His eyes never leave yours, the connection between you intensifying the sensations coursing through your body. You cling to him, every thrust driving you closer to the edge. 

“I want to feel you come again,” he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear. “I want to feel you tighten around me.”

The command in his voice sends a thrill through you, and you can feel the pressure building once more. Your moans become more urgent, your body responding eagerly to his every touch. His pace quickens, his own restraint slipping as he nears his own release. 

“Anton,” you cry out, your body shuddering with the force of your climax. He groans, the sound vibrating through you as he finally lets go, his release triggering another wave of pleasure for you.

He collapses on top of you, both of you breathing heavily, your bodies tangled together. After a moment, he lifts his head, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. 

“I don’t ever want to let you go,” he whispers, his voice filled with awe.

You smile, your heart swelling with emotion. “I don’t want you to,” you reply softly, running your fingers through his hair. “I want this. I want you.”

He holds you tighter, his lips finding yours once more in a tender, lingering kiss. “Then you have me,” he says, his eyes filled with promise. “Always.”

[nyctoaerah]

CHOSO WITH PAPARAZZI IS SO FUCKING REAL GIRL, becuz he's following the reader at literally everywhere and is keeping an eye on her (on that one line) so she doesn’t run away from her 'motherly' obligations. HES SO DELULU ONG😭😭😭 EVEN FUNNIER AT THE SEX ED PART, I CACKLED LITERALLY💀💀💀WHERE HE GOT HARD AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING🤓. I was giggling at that part until i read the fact that choso actually wants to bash reader's head😿 like baby, what did she do?😭

Btw Im binging your fics right now and im definitely getting euphoria.

✨YOU ARE LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST.✨

PLEASE, DONT EVER QUIT WRITING, WE NEEDS YOURE AMAZING WRITING HERE

*Ahem* AERAH, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Don't mind my shitty grammar because english isnt my first language👁️🫦👁️🤟🏻 IDFC IF IM BEING EXAGGERATED HERE, AERAH, YOU ARE THE BEST.

-😼

You literally made my day miloves🥹🫶🏻 AAAAAAA I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE ENJOYING RETRIBUTION HEHE🫶🏻 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING RAHHHHHQ

Choso gotta learn his bodily functions w [Name] fr!😭 SKSKS, DW, I laughed when i was writing that too, I EVEN HESITATED ON MAKING THE READER SUGARCOAT HER LEARNINGS AND WAS LIKE “Nah, she’s gonna say it bluntly” SKSKSKS, she do be teaching choso with the same way aionarch taught her about sex😭

“I shall pass the trauma my father has bestowed upon me to you, and you will also pass them to your younger brothers” THIS IS HER KIND OF IMPLICATION THERE BAHAHAHA

AND BAHA, JUST BECAUSE CHOSO IS ACTING ALL DUMMY DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE'S SAFE😭😭 He ONLY WANTS HIS BROTHER and DOESN'T CARE for [Name] fr! Bro’s before hoes fr

PLS, CHOSO’S BEEF WITH HER WASN’T EVEN THAT BAD, BUT SATORU’S BEEF WITH HER IS😭😭 Like girlie didn’t even do anything to him (and they haven’t met him) and now he has this big fat beef with the reader😭😭 like first, he wants to gobble her up to get ‘more powerful’ AND NOW HE'S JEALOUS OF HER LMFAOOO. AND SKSK, STAY TUNED FOR MORE BEEF 😭 CAUSE MORE PPL ARE GONNA HAVE A BEEF WITH HER. BUT SHE ALSO HAS A BEEF WITH OTHER PEOPLE LIKE TOJI THOUGH BAHA.

And I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS🫶🏻🫶🏻 WE ARE GETTING MARRIED RN AND I’M PUTTIN’ A RING ON YOUR FINGER POOKIE💍 ILYSM🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻 I LITERALLY HAVE A MASSIVE GRIN ON MY FREAKING FACE BECAUSE OF YOU RAHHHHH, AND DW BAE, I AM NOT QUITING AS LONG AS I HAVE PASSION!

[fettuccin-e]

Peter Parker Fic Recs (Part II)

hello besties i am still not over tasm!peter he is the loml i have no idea how they made TASM and were like "here is andrew garfield he is a nerd and a photographer and a skater boy,, also he gets no bitches" like absolutely not!! so please give these wonderful authors some love Here is part I of my Peter recs! (also!! if you are one of these authors and you'd like to be removed from this list let me know!!)

I'm Just Saying You Can Do Better by @venus616

>> Peter's finally getting some well-deserved attention at college, and as his best friend, you're happy to see him thriving. Except, when Peter finally sees you with someone else, he finally understands what he's been missing out on. (best friends to lovers where half the fic is smut. gorgeous show-stopping wonderful)

Serendipitous Salvation by @maximoff-pan

>> A story in which Peter is finally able to tell you that he loves you, the one constant in his life and the one who has been with him through everything. (this story and the dialogue is so tender and lovely i was literally in tears)

1 Missed Call by @liz-allyn

>> After a fight with Peter, you go out with your friends, only for the night to go horribly wrong. Peter is there to save you, but he's nearly too late. Luckily, the two of you have each other to heal. (okay, this fic gets very dark, so pls heed the warnings. i'm talking explicit talk about and attempted SA, so PLS keep yourselves and your mental health safe. That being said, this is amazing hurt/comfort, so I rlly reccommend)

Husband!Peter Goes Blond ask by @withahappyrefrain

>> Peter decides to dye his hair blond again, just like it was when you met him in college. You may be older now, with a house and two beautiful children, but seeing Peter with bold hair again brings back urges you thought were long gone. (Reformed frat boy to domestic peter parker. Lord have mercy i am going to scream)

The Heat is On by @withahappyrefrain

>> The A/C is out in your apartment, and your roommate Peter is still a cocky asshole. Thankfully, that cocky asshole is also willing to take your mind off the nearly unbearable heat. (blond peter has me in a chokehold and he's such a dick in this but also kind of sweet?? i can't-)

In the Name of Science by @withahappyrefrain

>> Peter brings home some lab coats from work, and it gives you a really fun idea. Maybe it's finally time to play out one of his favorite fantasies. (More domestic peter and also can you tell that I am a big fan of withahappyrefrain these fics are the shit)

Stroker Ace by @peterthepark

>> You have a big fat crush on Spider-Man, Peter Parker has a big fat crush on you, his best friend. When he finds out about your fantasies about the web-slinger, he finally decides that it's time to come clean about his secret identity. (Straight porn but also friends to lovers hell yeah babey say LESS)

Red Light/Green Light by @webslingingslasher

>> You don't like to think of yourself as a jealous person, but Peter's new friend is totally hitting on him, and it's pissing you off. The worst part? Peter doesn't believe you. That's red flag #1. (big time angst but it ends so cute and happy!! Yay!!)

Full Circle by @stresslessbaaby

>> After a fight gone wrong, Peter thinks he's going to lose you forever. He couldn't be more wrong. (more angst but!!! happy ending with domestic peter!!! so amazing and lovely)

[ricegobbler]

OH MY GOODNESS. A TFP HEADCANON/SCENARIO WRITER WHO HAS REQUESTS OPEN. Our nature is clearing. Runs around happily

Can i request the bots accidentally finding a cybertronian sparkling baby (just. laying somewhere. don't question it) with no parents and deciding to keep it, then asking the kids, June and Fowler to take care of it while they're away <3 and learn their traditions and anatomy and stuff

AUTOBOTS FINDING CYBERTRONIAN SPARKLING!!

OMGOMGOMG I LOVE YOUR ENERGY FIRST OF ALL. IM HERE TO HELP CURE THE TFP WRITER COMMUNITY!!!! SECOND, I LOVE THIS REQUEST!!!

ALSO, SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO DO, IVE BEEN TRAVELIKG FOR FAMILY EVENTS BUT IM BACKKKK!!!

ANYWAYS ENJOY!!!!!

——————————————————————-

It was a normal day in the base, everyone was minding their own business until Raf, Miko, and Jack was heard in the halls of the base.

All the bots ran to the three kids with weapons and their blasters ready to hurt whoever or whatever was making the three yell. “WHAT HAPPENED.” Yelled bulkhead the second the bots arrived, “ITS A BABY!!!” Miko yelled with joy. The bots all lowered their weapons and eyed each other in confusion. “How did a sparkling get here?” Arcee asked, looking up at Optimus who just had a confused serious face on. “I am not sure where they came from, but we must check it out in case of any injuries first.” Said Optimus, he then looked at ratchet and ratchet groaned “alright..”

Later, ratchet finished up checking the sparkling and came back with good news. “Good news is she’s in perfect health, and-“ he was then cut off by Miko, “ITS A GIRL?? YES!” Ratchet grumbled. “is there any bad news??” Smokescreen asked, “she’s a grower. Which means she’ll grow up quick and big.” Jack whispered to himself “did he just call her fat..”

A couple days later, the sparkling would just be taken care of the humans lost of the time when the others would go on missions. Sometimes she’d be with ratchet because he’s always at base. He would yell at her though when she’d touch something she wasn’t supposed to touch. Ending up with her crying because she’s js a baby☹️ Ratchet wouldn’t know what to do but he would just try making her sleep to calm her down and say sorry. He’d sound like he didn’t mean it, but he really did.

When the sparkling would be with Jack, Raf, and Miko they would basically show her human stuff. Miko would introduce her to music, Jack would introduce her to games, and Raf would just introduce her to lil inventions he made. The longer they’d watch her the more they learned about her, they found out from Ratchet that she wasn’t exactly born like how a human baby was. They are kept in statis pods until they are received a spark from the matrix. Once Miko asked Ratchet how they were made, he had no answer. And raf asked how baby humans were made, no one answered at all.

Sometimes the sparkling is watched by June and Fowler as well. And when she is, June is in mother mode. Even tho most of the time she is- Fowler would just be there. Not knowing what to do- he would just be working most of the time but when he has time he’d try talking to the sparkling and teach her some stuff. June would just take care of her most, feed her, comfort, make her sleep, literally anything a baby needs:D

——————————————————————————

Sorry if this is bad!! I was also rushing this😓😓

Hoped you enjoyed this tho!! Tysm for requesting

Requests are still closed bc I’m working on old requests! Pls be patient and kind<33

I js realized I didn’t add wheeljack or ultra Magnus. Oops I’m sorry wheeljack n Magnus lovers😭

[cosmignon]

A girl was feeling really nostalgic abt the fact The Stardust Scouts (my magic girl ocs) are nearing 10 years old at this point… so I felt like drawing their oldest designs faithfully + then drawing their current ones beside them :)

I little bit more about each of them in order:

Savannah started off as much shorter, she was the shortest of the group iirc. I decided to make her the tallest one instead after thinking abt how i wanted her to not only be fat but take up a lot of space. She’s the “main” protagonist of the story (in my mind at least, as it stands SDS is more of an ensemble cast) so I wanted to challenge conventions by making my smart leader you root for fat and completely ok with that. Savannah doesn’t have time for fatphobia she has 3 college essays to write before an alien attacks the city

I am really glad I changed Penny’s color scheme over the years, I don’t like how the red hair and purple sweater look together at all. Their style had also grown a lot more brash and eclectic. I think he started as a shy type? You can definitely see it in the original drawings body language. Unbelievable, she is a Mabel Pines crafter extraordinaire at heart and that’s final

Tabitha “congrats on the transition” Brooks has just been slowly shifting further and further toward his current butch look for forever and it rocks. I distinctly remember making SDS originally with the intent of “only having girls so no one tried to ship them with a boy” and I was a little stubborn on that point for a while… but Tabitha said nuts to that and decided otherwise. I honestly think of her original design as being what she looked like as a teen these days, before cutting off all that hair and running off to he/her lesbian all over the place.

Wendy’s always been an interesting struggle, because while she and Savannah have both been a learning exercise in getting black & textured hair right, Wendy specifically loves fashion and styling her hair in different ways every other time I draw her. Her current braided hair is what I default to but I’ve also wrapped it up in buns and given her bantu knots too. Also made it more obvious she dyes her hair, glad I moved away from cheese yellow blonde lol

Olivia! Olivia Olivia Olivia…. Ze has definitely won the award for most dramatic change between the old design & now. I make it no secret ze used to be a Tak from invader zim expy, and I still carry those roots with me as I refine zer look. The blonde hair and the orange signature color are both very recent developments, I used to be so attached to Olivia staying purple that I was detrimentally keeping 2 characters purple instead of letting Olivia have a unique place among the group. Now the only thing that’ll make it obvious ze was ever Tak adjacent is the mole under zer eye & a lot of the backstory I have cooking

Ty for listening to me ramble, pls check out my oc tag Sara ocs or the stardust scouts tag for more abt my precious babies 🥹

[nwarrior777]

i was a bad person and here is my big message about it

even tumblr couldn't hold this much of a post so i made it under the cut. well. i was trying to write it for YEARS sooo i guess it's a little hard to squish in something small

i am frightened of seeing your reaction on this post but. it needs to be made. i wanted to make it for years. if not now then when?

long story about one fundamental thing i deeply regret and want to leave in the past and move on, and today is the perfect time to talk about it.

so. as i told, yesterday was my 26 birthday. and it was a special one. cause i gave it concept

26 years. 25+1. for me it means that half of my life is behind me. (maybe 1/3 if i will be lucky). i decided my 26 birthday will be beginning of my new era. i will leave my past behind and will go into my. present.

the problem is that my past is soooo fucked up

i did a lot of cringe bad things, WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET ABOUT but i want to tell you about one, which is haunting me the most. i thought about writing post about it sooo much times, i tried, but i couldn't do it everytime because then i thought about it i felt soooo ashamed and just burning in selfhate so what's the thing and why exactly this thing I want to tell you about above all of the things which i regret? well because now i am totally opposite person to that mindset which i am ashamed of so! pls keep in mind that i REGRET having that mindset. i think i realized that it's something not good in my 19 years old (my 19 years old is my turning point in life in general), now i am one day 26, but it's still was hunting me!!! 6 fucking years of constant shame and hating myself!!! at this moment i got rid of this thing in my mind and actions completely, and i want to put the final nail in the coffin by this post. so!!! i.. H A D (NOW I DON’T!!!)... fat fetish :c ( * internal screaming full of fear, selfhate and realising that i can hurt someone's feeling by that * ) i almost always had complicated relationships with fatness. first anorexia, but, at the same time then i hated my body i realized that i find fat people beautiful, hot even? (mostly masculine dudes? i don't remember that i thought about others?). and then i got into my horny ~18 yeaaars and ehhhh i was exploring my horny feelings  and preferences. i was deep diving in that fat fetish content, i even made sooome drawings (I think I posted, ~2 on internet AND I HATE THE FACT THAT THEY EXIST SO MUCH). and. next thing will sound naive. but. people who do bad things are always dumb and don't realize basic shit. so. i haven't seen anything bad in fat fetish. and at this time i already had my own moral compass, which i still have AND it helped me get out of this my moral compass: if it hurts someone - it's bad. if not – then it’s fine. and my depiction of fat fetish was reversed in my head. i thought that people participating in it.. feeling sexy and validated? that it's something powerful (I DON'T THINK THIS WAY NOW!) but then i saw one post

it was a person, saying, that they saw a content with fetishization of their appearance and they felt uncomfortable and humiliated by it

and i was like "wait what??? fetishes make people sad??? IT SOMETHING WHAT HURTS SOMEONE??? It's!!! It's... a bad thing!!!"

and i think since then i started to go away from it?

and it's not a second, day or month. you know that getting rid of cigarettes is hard and takes time, right? imagine how hard and how much time will take getting away from moral mindset mistake

if you do something bad it usually means that it is deep in your life

it's hard to go away from people with same mindset, your actions in the past which you thought was fine are now your shame etc etc

but!!! i've been working on myself. i don't want to hurt people, and yeah, hurting someone's feelings counts too.

sooo time was going by and it was less and less fetish content in my corner of internet. i realized that fetish is NOT something powerful and cool or sexy. representation is!!! you can draw gorgeous powerful sexy person without fetishization. actually people on fetish art... well, sometimes they don't even look like people. more like fucked up sex toys. it's so wrong, so bad and i am so ashamed that at some point of my life i thought it's something not awful

then i got into art community, more queer and bodypositive, i learned how to love my body, accepted it at 100% beat the fuck up anorexia. my feed in all the social media are now queer/bodypositive/artists usually all at once. if i see fetish blog reblogging me (i can't check every one but sometimes it happens) i ban it and

and now i don't watch any fetish content, don't have fantasies or dreams about that. now even if i see some content by accident (then you are in internet, you sometimes see shit which you don't want to see, like idk, some fetish blog relogging my art) it makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't turn on at all.

it was the last thing of this to defeat - physical desire. It’s like addiction, sometimes i wanted to watch Fetish Horny Content sooooo bad that it literally was on physicall level, and i just, well, watched and blamed myself for that after

and here is a little strange part, because one day it just... disappeared? with all my libido. aand honestly, it's fine, maybe i can't get turn on at all, but better not feeling libido at all then having it and having this shit in the head. aaaand also i have kiinda same emotions from... art. like cool art. in general. like, show me a good dramatical movie, some cool music, some touching piece of art, cool fucking made edit - i am shivering and crying tears of joy. i have this sooo, yep, it's enough for me, and i can survive loosing libido, if it's price for taking fetish from my head - shut up and take my... libido (okay that part turn out kinda goofy but like, let’s take it as lightning the mood because all the post is some fucked up dark shit)

so yeah. long story short, i was a cringe bad person and i regret that. i've done many cringe things but i decided to tell you exactly about this one because it is fundamental thing in my life and, as you can see, my art

as you could notice, all my characters are fat. and i am trying my best to draw them respectfully. goal of my life is trying to be good person (trying because you can never be sure that you are 100% right. you need to listen people and be ready to change. it's never ending road. what's why i use word "trying". you can't "be" good. only try) goal of my art is to bring people happiness by art, and representation is my method.

i feel very ashamed of that fact that i was participated in phenomen like fat fetish and now i make opposite thing - draw art, based on representation of fat people (and also queer and having other features but this post is not about that)

aaand yeah, sounds not very nice

but... i just hope that you can see that i am drawing fat people with respect. yes, a lot of time my characters presented as sexy. but i am trying to draw fat characters sexiness in respectful way. i've seen fetish art - and i am trying to draw NOT like that.

i learned my lesson. i don't want EVER draw fetish art again. i want!!! draw good things which brings people joy. i deeply sorry for that fetish thing was in my mind. but it's gone. I fought it in me for years, i won, fuck this thing. i want this thing stay in the past!!!!!

and brain, stop fucking hunting me with "whEn thEy wIll KnoW thEy Will Be All DissApoinTed in YoU!! ALL YOUR ART INFLUENCE WILL ZERO OUT THEN PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT!!!" these thoughts were been killing me for YEARS

so

i am deeply ashamed of having fat fetish phaze. but it's over. i learned that it's bad, i don't want to have it in my life ever again. and i don't want my drawings of fat people be part of it. i do it for different reason - to make representative art, which bring people joy, not hurting them.

i was carry this self-fight for years. and this day, my 26 birthday, seems like perfect day to finally leave this shit in the past and move on. i mean, i realised that it's a bad thing ~5-6 years ago. but my brain didn't let go thoughts about that. i am done with this. i want to break free from this shame. i hope i can have a second chance on that...

i really hope that you guys will be able to get joy from my art after that. i got rid of this shit in my mind, i promise. just. please don't turn back from me because because of this mistake. if you can.

(pls, if you have words of support, leave a comment. idea of this post was hunting me for years, and now it finally written. it's finally out of my chest. i want to get free from this. thank you)

[plaquerat]

Hiii I have been seeing your strong Cumulus posts and I have been eating them UP and I also saw the post that may or may not be vagueing your post (the one that's like let fat people be fat or whatever) and on my life I really think that there's no winning with writing about fat characters!! So we shall just continue to have fun and do what we please!! Also I am so sorry for how kind of out of hand this is gonna get but I think ur really neat and I don't like to see you feel bad and I have a lot of feelings so pls just ignore if this is overwhelming 🙏

But anyway, no winning when talking about fat characters... Like with strength:

If fat Cumulus is strong, people will say let her be weak! She doesn't have to be strong to 'apologize' for being fat! But also if you write Cumulus as weak, then people can go the other way and be like ugh fat people can be strong too! In fact many are! This is such a fatphobic take!

And im here with the extremely loud incorrect buzzer for everyone! Lmao everyone relax!! We are here to be fun and silly and!!! Perhaps!!! Even horny!!!!!! I think quite a few people are too eager to read posts in bad faith because of the weird little morality police officer in their head that won't let them just scroll past something they don't like? Also idk how to even say this how I mean but like the energy of wanting to defend people against fatphobia (or ableism or homophobia or you name it) is GREAT but also if there's no discretion with what's made from love and what's made from hate (internalized or blatant or whatever) and you just go after any little thing then there will be NO writing or drawing or art in general of fat characters and idk how to express that that is literally infinitely worse to me?? Like pls don't bully people into silence even if that's not what you think you're doing my loves it really can turn into people just giving up and doing nothing at all! A direct and kind conversation about what is bothering you is waaaaay more effective and may reveal that in fact you agree about many things!!

BUT what's so wonderful is that there are sooooo many nice and lovely people and what else is wonderful is that I am deeply in love with Cumulus and every iteration people want to share oh my LORD I am a winner no matter what!! Strong Cumulus my beloved weak Cumulus my beloved mom friend Cumulus my beloved mean Cumulus my beloved weird Cumulus my beloved I can't lose!!! I'm here to have fun and I keep that front of mind and it's so good for me! And if I don't like something?? That's just not for me, actually! I shall scroll along!

Anyway a lot of people must learn to relax and have fun and stop making problems where there aren't any! You also don't have to have the excuse that you're a lesbian and you love women and you want strong Cumulus to carry you it's literally fine to just write whatever you want about a character you love this is all fiction and fun and we are here to share our love! Uuugh I'm gonna stop now before I get weird and sentimental but anyway don't let anyone get you down too bad the important thing is to have fun and adore Cumulus!!!!!! And be nice to each other!!!!!

Truly. Truly, truly. I'll complain about things but ultimately they don't affect me. I think if anything it's really great people have so many different takes. We're playing toys. I was just so ?????? when I saw that post that feels like a vague like hdbghjs i very much make my posts with myself in mind first. "Apologizing" for being fat by being strong is such an insane like. thing because I'm very much. I mean I've said it plenty. I'm like exclusively attracted to fat people. I should be allowed to make this beautiful fat woman strong.

I do think there are explicitly harmful headcanons ie a lot of infantilization allistic people can have toward autistic characters but most headcanons like. Aren't meant to do harm. Most of the time it comes deeply from love for a character. I'll side-eye stuff like mom friend Cumulus but like that's really the furthest huh. Not gonna let it ruin my day. I know I can come across as kinda mean but I'm just blunt with my words and if I'm on my own blog I'm gonna rattle off thoughts since you know. Basically infinite journal. and it helps knowing I'm not alone in opinions I have but good lord we all (me included) should calm down more.

I think fandom culture's shift to being like. Ahhh I don't know what to call it. Like character takes Define You as a person and people Need To Be Right. And it sucks because with Ghost the lore is. Not super duper deep or rigid and with ghouls specifically there's literally nothing. Everything people do with them is made up. it's like- it's like when you play Pokemon. My team isn't going to be the same as your team and you use what you like and some people get way to into it.

It's been said to death but let's all try to be nicer to each other. Life is scary. It's not worth it to fight over things that don't matter when you can be putting joy and love out into the world. Let's not forget how Papa himself tells us how to treat each other, huh?

[doyou000me]

For the wip game - You Can Touch, But He's Mine and The Shop At The End pls!!!

@cryingatships thank you for playing the WIP game with me~!

To see all of my WIPs (and maybe make my day and ask about one of them???) check out the full list here~!

You Can Touch, But He's Mine (Deep Night Smutfic)

First, a confession: I got so excited about talking about The Shop At The End, I almost forgot you also asked about this fic 🙈

You Can Touch, But He's Mine is a KhemWela oneshot smutfic born out of my frustration with Khem in episode 3 when he got all jealous and started being a bloody asshole to everybody.

The premise in simple: Khem loves watching Wela work as a host. He loves watching the customers gaze longingly at Wela and his current company, claw for a few hours of Wela's time and spend fortunes for his attention. Khem loves showing those same customers to the taxi stop in the early hours of the morning, loves seeing them off and loves being the one who gets to take Wela home to strip him of his carefully coordinated outfits and host persona.

Also, I should probably mention that Wela's outfit for the night has had me look at these for inspiration:

The Shop At The End

Thank you for asking about The Shop! I didn't realise how much I've missed this story until I started writing about it and couldn't stop myself!

@welcometothelairofthebitchking also asked about The Shop At The End, so you can find a snippet from the beginning of the story over in their answer!

As mentioned in the WIP list, The Shop At The End was originally a fanfic idea. I have plotted, written and rewritten it quite a few times but before I could finish it, I made the desicion to stop writing for that fandom. BUT (as with When I Grow Up) I was too in love with the story to give up on it, which is why I am now considering how I can rewrite it into an original story.

It is (surprise surprise) centered around a magic shop run by Lili, a succubus (we Do Not Ask about her Age) and her young assistant - the main character - who may or may not be an incubus and/or magician and may or may not also be aroace (so many delicious desicions to reconsider now that I'm no longer guided by an existing canon).

Around them circle a cast of social outcasts, including a vampire, a pack of werewolves and a dwarf exiled from the mines. There's also my favourite character, Andrea/Cameron (I keep changing my mind), a nonbinary shape shifter who changes their apperance to fit the extravagant fashion choice of the day. They resigned from the police in a rather spectacular fashion to write erotica and open a book store selling porn as a front for behind the counter (in the attic) forbidden, dark magic texts. They are one of the reasons I can't turn my back on this story.

The plot needs quite a bit of reworking now that it's not going to be a fanfic anymore, but my thoughts keep returning to it for the vibes alone! It's quite comfy to mentally sit in the shop for a while...

Think warm sunlight shining in through the curved storefront and a fat cat sleeping in the display window. Think herbs and amulets and knick-knacks hanging from the ceiling. Think rich, almost ghibli-like interiors with polished wood and brass detailing and light glinting off glass phials. Think hundreds of little drawers all marked with handwritten labels such as human teeth, adult and bone dust, mixed or calws, werewolf and skulls, mice.

Think polite smiles and ironed shirts and buttoned vests. Think black market wares hidden in the back and ingredients measured on brass scales and payments made in gold.

Think shady dealings and questionable favours and bribed cops. Think surprise raids and rumours spreading over pints of beer, rumors about something going on that is keeping the coppers busy, about strangers approaching those around you with promises of change, about the calm before a storm.

And when society comes looking for the main character to be their hero, think: "Why should I sacrifice myself to help all of you, when all you have ever done is shun me?"

[alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody]

Ohhh I'm curious what kind of "might be the end times" N/J are living in? And how did that relationship weight happen/when did they individually notice it happening?

they are living in the “we’re nearing the final prediction of an apocalypse theory that has accurately predicted a bunch of other stuff so far” kind of end times! it’s alt-2016 and there are weird signals coming in from space and nobody really knows what’s going on but given the apocalypse theory … it probably isn’t good! N is kind of resigned to it, like, whatever happens happens. if the world ends he’s off the hook for student loans. J is having a much more difficult time with it. he is very much in the camp of “how am I supposed to keep doing my silly little job and my silly little tasks when the WORLD might be ENDING?” he is also learning that he has an anxiety disorder but that’s a different story.

(not that it’s abnormal to be anxious when all manner of apocalyptic bullshit is going on! I myself am anxious All The Time! but he’s realizing as all this stuff is happening that perhaps his massive uncontrollable spirals about it are not … normal?? I honestly think he might eat about that too but rn we are focusing on the happy stuff!!)

but anyway, N and J have been together for 2-3 years at this point. J was a little chubby when they got together, but he also wasn’t much for cooking so a lot of times in the pre-N era he would just make himself a packet of ramen and call it a day. but once he and N move in together, there is So Much Food all the time. N isn’t just making something for dinner, he’s making an entree and sides and bread and dessert and he’s making a little cheese plate for J to snack on while he finishes up work or watches N cook. N also buys a lot of snacks and J is the kind of person who will just eat if there’s food around whether he’s hungry or not, so it, uh, doesn’t take long.

putting the rest under a cut as it got … long … but pls feel free to ask more oc questions!!

J is a very empirical evidence kind of guy so when his pants start getting harder to button and his waistbands start folding under his belly and his shirts start getting tight around his upper arms, he starts paying attention. it’s not a huge shock given how much he’s been eating, but he’s still kind of surprised by how fast his jeans go from “a little snug but wearable” to “I have to unbutton these if I want to sit comfortably at my desk.” (never mind the always-surprising “even my sweats are getting tight now?”) so he finally takes stock and is like, “welp, time to size up!” bc there is no way he’s giving up or cutting back on N’s cooking. could he exercise? sure. is he realistically gonna get up at 5am to accompany N on his morning run? absolutely not. he’ll just buy new clothes.

N notices that J is putting on weight first though. he’s been on the lookout since the first time he cooked dinner for J and J ate three helpings and was like, “oh man, I’m going to get so fat if you cook like this all the time.” to which N was like, “... that’s … fine!” while internally combusting. he enjoys cooking and baking for the actual activity, but he also likes having an excuse to shower people with food for … reasons. when they first started dating he was very “oh no 😇 I accidentally 😇 made 4 dozen cookies 😇 whatever will i do with them 😇?” he notices first that J’s belly is starting to press against his t-shirt and that he can see a couple stretch marks beginning to bloom down his sides. N is taller so he doesn’t have many excuses to ask J to get stuff off high shelves but J likes to do big stretches after a long day of hunching over in his desk chair, so N gets some good looks at how his stomach is starting to shelf over his waistbands. little by little he watches J’s belly button indent emerge beneath his t-shirts. J gains enough in his hips and thighs that N can tell he’s filling out their kitchen chairs a little more. the backs of his thighs are starting to dimple and his upper arms are getting so perfectly, squeezably chubby and it’s taking everything he’s got not to get too handsy and give himself away. he wants to FEEL IT! he wants to EXPLORE! especially since the bulk of J’s gain is from food HE COOKED. he wants the hands-on experience of how much he’s helped J overindulge!

he grinds his teeth and tries to be normal about it until J brings it up, which sort of backfires but also sort of works out because J has his own theories that N likes it and starts making offhanded comments about his gut getting bigger and “maybe I should start hitting the gym” to smoke him out. (J is a queer computer nerd who almost certainly had a traumatic time in middle school PE, he is not going to the gym.) N comes clean and J is very chill with it. he’s gonna keep enjoying N’s food anyway, he might as well have fun teasing him while he does it! he gets a lot of mileage out of it. ate too much at a work function? he can tease N by telling him how much he ate while getting a belly rub and “forgetting” to stifle his burps. got weighed at a doctor’s appointment? he’s gonna whisper that number into N’s ear while they’re making out later. out of breath bc the work elevator is broken and he had to take the stairs? might as well leave N a voicemail so he can hear how out of shape he is. tipsy after drinks with his coworkers? the only cure is cuddling with N and asking him to feed him the pizza J impulse-ordered on his way home. had a big meal and now all of his pants are a little too tight on his belly? time to sprawl on the couch and let his belly hang out unencumbered while he groans and whines about how he knew he was overdoing it, but it was too good to stop. helping N in the kitchen? his belly’s so heavy, guess he’ll have to just rest it on the countertop. none of it is kinky for him but he’s having a GREAT time nonetheless. turning N on is the real reward. (N is in feedist hell but also feedist heaven. never in his wildest dreams could he have hoped for a boyfriend who’s not only cool about his kinks, but is also so enthusiastic about indulging them.)

J puts on 60-70 pounds over the course of their first year together — the first half go on pretty quickly and the second half more gradually — and retires his outgrown t-shirts to wear around the house for N to appreciate. he plateaus around there for the most part but slowly gains a little more as their relationship progresses, and he always gets a little heavier around the holidays while N tests out recipes and bakes a metric fuckload of cookies for everyone they know. at family gatherings J tells everyone who makes a comment about his weight or aims a pointed look at his belly that N is such a great cook and is keeping him so well-fed and gives his belly a little pat or a jiggle. it gives N the vapors. (later J shows him some pictures from college and casually drops that he’s gained almost a hundred pounds since then. N is going to think about that for a LONG time.)

he grinds his teeth and tries to be normal about it until J brings it up, which sort of backfires but also sort of works out because J has his own theories that N likes it and starts making offhanded comments about his gut getting bigger and “maybe I should start hitting the gym” to smoke him out. (J is a queer computer nerd who almost certainly had a traumatic time in middle school PE, he is not going to the gym.) N comes clean and J is very chill with it. he’s gonna keep enjoying N’s food anyway, he might as well have fun teasing him while he does it! he gets a lot of mileage out of it. ate too much at a work function? he can tease N by telling him how much he ate while getting a belly rub and “forgetting” to stifle his burps. got weighed at a doctor’s appointment? he’s gonna whisper that number into N’s ear while they’re making out later. out of breath bc the work elevator is broken and he had to take the stairs? might as well leave N a voicemail so he can hear how out of shape he is. tipsy after drinks with his coworkers? the only cure is cuddling with N and asking him to feed him the pizza J impulse-ordered on his way home. had a big meal and now all of his pants are a little too tight on his belly? time to sprawl on the couch and let his belly hang out unencumbered while he groans and whines about how he knew he was overdoing it, but it was too good to stop. helping N in the kitchen? his belly’s so heavy, guess he’ll have to just rest it on the countertop. it isn’t kinky for him but he’s having a GREAT time nonetheless. turning N on is the real reward. (N is in feedist hell but also feedist heaven. never in his wildest dreams could he have hoped for a boyfriend who’s not only cool about his kinks, but is also so enthusiastic about indulging them.)

J puts on 60-70 pounds over the course of their first year together — the first half go on pretty quickly and the second half more gradually — and retires his outgrown t-shirts to wear around the house for N to appreciate. he plateaus around there for the most part but slowly gains a little more as their relationship progresses, and he always gets a little heavier around the holidays while N tests out recipes and bakes a metric fuckload of cookies for everyone they know. at family gatherings J tells everyone who makes a comment about his weight or aims a pointed look at his belly that N is such a great cook and is keeping him so well-fed and gives his belly a little pat or a jiggle. it gives N the vapors. (later J shows him some pictures from college and casually drops that he’s gained almost a hundred pounds since then. N is going to think about that for a LONG time.)

[cariciapadre]

we’ve all heard of incubus padre, but hear me out for a minute… Incubus caricias. pls as much as I love them im sick and tired of twinky incubi i need me a fat bear incubus instead -🏝️

i havent heard a lick of incubus padre but i am actually living for incubus caricias ,, it fits well with this secret littke au ive had of demon caricias and .. padre ( hes already a preist so HRKDJD ) . and theyre so in love but padres like this is FORBIDDEN and caricias is like i actually do not give a fuk we need to kiss rn . and they do .

fat bear incubus is so real tho , keeping this in mind for stuff i need to draw for caricias AGH

[magnoliamyrrh]

i was sexually abused as a child, it happened in kindergarten and because of the culture of silence and fear that was instilled in 5yo me and not wanting to bother my dad lest he would want to spend even less time with me, i had no brains to protect myself. when the abuse became known to my teacher, they did little to protect me and my mother had to go through hell to change things for me. in my memory the culprit was a classmate of mine, who would also get other boys to watch, but for the longest time i have the blurry memory that there was an adult there, a cook lady also involved in different capacities, laughing, telling him what to do and staying with me afterwards, opening the closet door for him, even holding me touching me, its all so blurry. she also would not let me go piss to the point where i pissed myself and sat in my soils for hours. it has made me disgusted with myself for remembering and for forgetting at the same time, and the fact that my whole family knew for the longest time and dismissed it as something small that i won't even remember and leaving it to my poor mother who had to deal with my wounds and trauma and nightmares and screams and detachment... imagining your 5yo having utis constantly and having to explain the situation to doctors makes me scream and i am still so angry and fearfull. i don't know how people have children

the boy who did it kept reminding me any time i would encounter him later in life, we went to the same school for two years when i was 7-8 and he would leave notes for me. and therapists have encouraged me to forgive and recognise he was also a child dealing with his own trauma and he did have to change groups because of what he did but i the pride he displayed is something i can't forget and it makes me lose faith in people any time my brain recalls it.

huge part of it is how mind-blowingly poor my country was in 2000s. our kindergarten group was 50 people with 2 teachers changing shifts, the cook had to take care of kids. and i feel this was largely preventable and i hate my family for putting me in that situation. and this is the first time im saying it, but i do, i do hate them. worse happened to me in the years after which was also ignored and minimized. i will never feel clean i will never feel normal i ran away so far and cringe at the thought of going back home and facing these buildings, the backdrop of my abuse.

i agree with you, we have so normalised sexualising children in the balkans, to the point where adults don't recognise sexual abuse as such. i grew up wanting to be ugly, wanting to be undesirable, i would fall on purpose so my legs scar, and keep my arms and pits hairy, i hid my face under my hair and cried for days when they forcefully cut it. i was glad when i broke my nose and even when I chipped my tooth because it made my smile all crooked. my mum was not talking to me, and sadly proclaimed it made me ugly. and i know it did, i knew it undercut my value but was that really so bad?my dad had always commented on my looks so much and how fat my ass is and how undesirable i am but from him it felt different. i had to walk that line my whole life and am completely exhausted.

tbh, ive never said it all so firmly and coherently, i am just dropping it here because i know you will understand and pray for me in your own way, the same i do when i experience your writing. i feel like all concrete that we have to walk on in this wretched world is seeing each other. nothing is unknowable and noone is invisible. and only thing that has helped me in my life has been knowing and seeing others, and letting their pain mark my soul in a prayer.

hey anon <3 i published this bc i wanted to give an answer and i think it can b helpful and a little less lonely at times for other ppl to hear other ppls experiences, but pls send me a message and let me know if you want me to delete this and i will

im really sorry for all that u went through. its just horrible and i wish you hadnt and im sorry and i wish i could give you a hug, but thank u for opening up to me. i do very much get it. im glad my rambelings have been of some comfort, thats part of why i keep this blog as a public diary and im rather unfiltered, bc id hope ppl who have been through similar things would find some solace in knowing theyre not. alone w it.... i thought i was alone w a lot of things for a such a long time.. i didnt say anything about anything for such a long time. youre right, you said it well. the world is so often such a cruel and cold, vile deranged nightmare and i think one of the only things that really matters is caring about other people and not letting all the bullshit kill your soul...one of the only things thats kept me sane is knowing other people who fucking get it. i hope finally being able to write it out has been of some help. i will v much keep u in my prayers <3 and feel free to reach out or vent anytime

... and yes the povery is in general a rly big issue in a lot of this and issues related to it i feel. growing up at my kindergarten it wasnt quite as bad, but we had two teachers to watch... 40+ kids at least and things would often get out of hand and yea, with us the cook or other random facility would often have to watch us too. as the years went on the school had less money and it got worse. i remember during naptime there wouldnt b enough teachers to watch us or theyd just fuck off and not care so this group of mean,, particularly girls but some boys would literally step on us and jump on us and say mean shit etc etc. and i remember for so many years going to the bathroom as girls was just a nightmare - wed all go together bc going alone was too dangerous and when we tried some of us ended up w boys trying to barge into the stalls and pulling at our underwear and trying to get their hands in more than once and we got sick of it,, so some girls would always have to stay in the door and try to keep it shut bc boys were so vehement on barging in. gross af, and it was scary, even at that age they were like demons and sex pests, and the teachers that were there far from did a good job at keeping that shit under control.... and im really sorry again. any adult who does that sort of shit is just deranged - the sort who work around kids only to have access to them and feel power. if it makes you feel a lil better, in kindergarten there was this woman who was particularly,,, cold, who just would not let me go to the bathroom during naptime for what seemed like no other reason than her being a cruel controlling bitch - which, having a bad bladder and utis and never being able to fall asleep, and being afraid to go to the bathroom at a normal time bc of the boys, i almost always needed to. and she wouldn't let me and shed insult me and threathen to beat me if i asked, i think one time at least she did actually beat me, so id either spend that time trying not to go which really fucking hurt, or not being able to help it and having to deal w the aftermath. and of course shed get mad at me for that too. gross and frustrating and i really hated her

.... but yea. i think the poverty and things being normalized in the balkans and children being more vulnerable are connected. like to an extent its an education and poverty issue bc not only is it normalized in society but many ppl have no idea what the signs of sa on a kid are, so they dont know what to look out for even if they cared, and they're not educated on ,, basic child psychology. or theyre so overworked they dont have the time, or they emigrate to another country to work and leave their kids with extended family who also dont know.... even the huge trafficking issue we have. so much of that has to do w poverty and desperation and taking advantage of vulnerable poor kids and teens. even the teen pregnancy and high infant mortality rate we have,, lack of education, poverty, and the normalization of adult men sleeping w teenage girls.....most of the women in my family think 12-14 year old girls can consent to adult men its absolutely fucking wack, but i guess considering we had child marriages and bridal kidnappings barely any time ago, thats bound to b the case........ youre right. what you went through and what i went through could have absolutely been preventable if things werent so overcrowded and there was proper supervision and facilities and education around this sort of stuff

....

im sorry the adults near you failed to protect you, and im sorry your family failed to protect you. youre totally right to be angry and pissed off, i get why u blame them and hate them. it was indeed their responsability, and all they did was minimize and diminish your pain... im glad to hear your mother stuck up for you though... it really is painful. so many balkan adults seem to think they can do basically anything they want to children and it wont matter - like theyre some sort of toys or things or property idk - this idea that they're too young or its not that bad is so stupid when infact children are so much more impacted by things than adults are. you deserved better than them. and on the flip side it just. sucks to hear them defend this sort of behavior. i remember id complain abt boys being sex pests but it was always dismissed as Me not being nice to them or some stupid bullshit abt how thats how they show affection or theyre just stupid or theyre just cute or whatever, ive heard it all. it was maddening. in elementary school we had this boy in our class who was particularly bad. i think he must have been watching pornography already. hed make the grossest sexual comments twoards us, hed grope us, etc. i think it took like two bloody years for him to finally be switched out of the classroom, noone rly cared for the longest time and kept making excuses until finally my friends mom had enough .... it really is insane to think of the sheer amount of shit thats been normalized in the balkans. treating your kids like property, beating them, insulting them, sexualizing or groping or molesting them, letting other kids do that to them, letting adult men have relations w teenage girls??? - and if you speak out against any of it, youre in the wrong. seven fucking hells, for gods sake i keep just sitting around wondering what the hell is wrong with us

.. also thats also always a thought that drove me insane. i cant imagine having a child and finding out she went through the things i did. it already freaks me out to b around little kids bc i always just remember what i went through and hope to god theyre ok and safe... i think i would actually lose it and start killing. i have no damn idea how so many others can just b so careless abt a childs pain

and also.. you dont. have to forgive him... i think you have to forgive yourself, you know? even in this message - you didnt have the brains to protect yourself.. girl, you didnt need to have the brains to protect yourself, you didnt fail at protecting yourself and that's why this happened.... its not your fault. you were five for gods sake, dont put that on yourself please <3 ....personally ive never liked when therapists say shit like that. you and i have been molested and yet we havent molested any kids, so whats their fucking excuse, huh? for all the shit ive been through ive never taken it out on anyone like that, so whats theyre excuse? there isnt one.... and especially the shit w reminding you afterwords is just so cruel, its outright sadistic... i know what you mean abt recalling it and losing faith in humanity, its hard not to when youve seen some of its worst and cruelest and sickest sides.... it always makes me lose faith when its in partical kids being.. borderline fucking evil, like this shit, or the increse in boys raping younger girls. this species has an inclination twoards sadism and cruelty, and particularly men and boys seem to. its bone chilling and vile. but. but.... for all of the cruelty and depravity of humankind, there has most certainly been a moving level of empathy, care, and beauty, and i do think... most ppl.. want to be good and strive to b good. i think most people are born good idk

.... but many of us sure as fuck have seen a lot of the bad. i know it only helps so much to hear, because i know the skin crawling disgust that all this breeds. it feels like being fucking cursed or banded or marked or diseased or something, like something is just instrinsically wrong and unclean with you... i never feel like ill be some sort of near normal either. never have been and never will be - but i try to just live with that.. it is what it is. but.. youre no more disgusting, or gross, or dirty or pathetic than i am,.. you know? youre not. those things can only be said abt those who did this to you. im sorry it all turned out like this, but.. idk. im glad that it sounds like you're away from your family. i hope youre safe and in a better place where you can heal from all this. sorry i kinda rambeled on, but im sending you hugs and may some peace and rest from all this come your way soon <3