#i am devastated once again
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i feel like the dream in grimbold's camp at the beginning of book 6 should come with a warning that it will remove ur heart from ur body with the surgical accuracy of a drunk rhino
#lotro#owie#i am devastated once again#one of my old lotro PCs had a massive thing for candaith in my head and im sure he still lives in the depth of my memory somewhere#because i take psychic damage every time candaith rocks up#lotro playthrough tag#<- i will be rambling about this game a lot for the forseeable
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A new pop-up store dropped for ALIEN STAGE's 2nd anniversary and wow. It's so sick.
It's Interesting what exactly these experiments are focusing on and monitoring.
Instrument practice
I found it interesting earlier that Till was so tame, more so than he usually is when he's going through experiments, but music, and making music is what he loves doing, So he was fully in his element here. This was probably the only thing he was made to do by the aliens that he at least tolerated.
(Additionally, judging by his collar (orange), he was at least calm. maybe he just isn't fazed anymore.)
//Side note, that head contraption looks familiar BUT this most likely isn't related at least i hope
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(It puts me at ease, at least..)
Dance practice
This surprised me, but I suppose Mizi needed more skills.
She looks very startled here, and nervous(?) +It looks like she's doing this while singing. And with that face covering I assume this was a test monitoring her dance balance, precision, etc. At first, I did think it was odd, "Why would Shine put her through that" But alas I was reminded that even though Mizi is the flower of the group she was never untouchable, to Shine, this was the equivalent of teaching your dog to sit and stay.
(seeing this it reminded me of those scenes in movies where the people are dancing, and the music gets faster and faster until they fall. I wonder if she was doing through something similar to that)
Singing practice (?)
Similar to Till she also looks quite calm outwardly, if the machine around her neck is an iteration of the collars they have, then this process wasn't something she liked, or given how intense this experiment looks, this was a test of high-pressure to ensure she always stayed calm during performances (?). Then again this could also be a posture practice given all the structure focused on maintaining her position.
(What I believe was another form of this test was shown before so I think so)
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(With her hands in a praying stance I wonder if she was praying to herself or singing a religious song (sweet dream?) It's also interesting that the machinery around her looks like a halo, and she looks so...angelic? holy?)
Image making practice
By image making, I think they made Ivan replicate expressions with his face. Whether this process was painful for him or not...I'm not sure. But it looked visibly uncomfortable, maybe that was the point. (His expression, even in this circumstance is so dubious..)
Ivan, among other things, needed to have a spotless appearance to be successful, his image was a priority given his skills were certainly guaranteed.
I assume the aliens eventually took note of his lack of expression, in the real world this can be a detriment to one's career, so the Aliens had to ensure quality was perfect. (To a more...dedicated level)
Superiority test
'Superiority test' Is very vague.
HyunA is very calm here too, likely sedated in that water with all the tablets on her. I guess this was a test to get an idea of a pet human's strengths and weaknesses, endurance, and temperament to compare and contrast them with others, testing who is more viable for Alien stage?
Another interesting, and sad part about this is that HyunWoo was there, watching his sister through her experiments.
(Also, it looks like both of her legs are normal, no alien leg yet.)
Heart rate variability
And finally, the most visceral of them all. The wording 'variability' makes this all the more sickening, the Aliens were testing his heart hours, testing it at different rates, speeds, and states. And he was in agony the entire time. Even the way he's clutching his chest, it gives me chills. This would've been a completely harmless test in a normal setting, as something quite similar to this can be performed efficiently in real life. But he's being tortured in the process.
This is one of the first times we've ever seen Luka's face so truly clear and unprotected, (understandably so.) He's even crying.
#alien stage#alnst#WHATFRV EHBFUCKKKKKKK#i am devastated#GET TILL OUT OF THERE FUCK#HE DESERVES TO DO WHAT HE LOVES WHEN HE WANTS NOT BECAUSE OF THYEGAUUUUUU#now usually i dont feel bad nor care for luka but seeing this...seeing what heperu did for myself..its more nasty in person#fuck urak fuck heperu fuck phan fuck whatever sua's guardian is#ALL BUT SHINE#GR#hyuna's experiments boggle my brain...what the hell is superiority even supposed to mean....#i dunno#but i guess hyunwoo passed (or is next) its so sad how that baby had to see his sister go through that#explodes#get those babies out of there#sua with religious symbolism is back once again dont be surprised if anakts real child is her#she proved it in sweet dream#alnst till#alnst ivan#alien stage till#alien stage ivan#alien stage sua#alien stage mizi#alnst sua#alnst mizi#alien stage hyuna#alien stage luka#alnst luka#alnst hyuna#alien stage hyunwoo
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Absolutely heartrending because it just hit me that before Bison's phone call, Fadel was actually began to believe that he'd been wrong to suspect Style. Because despite the evidence stacked against Style -- and remember, it was Fadel that spells out the reasons they have to be suspicious of Kant and Style -- Style is so incredibly genuine here and Fadel, in truth, wanted to believe in him.
I think it's possible that Fadel actually saw Style through the window here, but pretended not to because he had to take a moment to prepare himself. But if you see where Style is standing and the way the patio is lit up, there's no reason why Fadel shouldn't have seen him from where he was by the tables before he turns to go behind the counter.
Fadel: I was thinking of going to your place. But you were more impatient than me, huh?
This would also explain how Fadel is able to say this before Style even has the chance to make a sound. I had expected Fadel to wait and see what Style would say, to play it safe and observe; but no, Fadel immediately sets their dynamic back to the assumption of familiarity that their relationship was on before he disappeared for a week. The assumption that he could show up at Style's house unannounced and Style would welcome him.
This feels incredibly intentional. Fadel wants to see how Style is going to react to Fadel acting as if nothing strange happened. If Style was an informant, he should be confused and Fadel may catch him out in a lie.
But Style's performance is flawless:
Style: Where have you been? You didn't reply any of my texts! (punctuation added for emphasis and to mimic Style's tone)
He says this and the whine in his tone is a clear affirmation of that same assumption of familiarity. This is the tone used by someone who is secure in the knowledge that they are owed an explanation; this is the tone of someone in an established relationship who feels justifiably wronged at being left out of the loop.
And I cry a little bit more at the thought of Fadel reading those texts -- Style by turns frantic and confused and worried -- and refusing to respond. Or worse, receiving them and refusing to even read them because Fadel doesn't trust himself to tell the lies from the truth anymore.
At this point, Fadel seems to waver a little bit in his resolve to "test" Style. I think he was a little taken aback that Style didn't seem to be even a little bit weird about his abrupt disappearance for a week. His reply takes on a quality of gentle pleading and the way he's speaking is exactly like a boyfriend who knows he messed up. But because these lines are a lie, Fadel cannot meet Style's eyes as he says them. It's only when he says "I was busy, too" (not a lie) that he's finally able to squarely meet Style's gaze again.
And Style continues to be so convincingly NORMAL because all of this is real for him. This is just genuinely Style, the boyfriend, who actually wants to know where his boyfriend disappeared to without notice for a whole week. Nothing about his body language or tone has even a hint of inauthenticity because there is none. Style means every single word and meets Fadel's gaze squarely as he says them.
It genuinely looks to me like Fadel thaws significantly at this point. He suddenly looks less stiff and the way he delivers this line contains so much more inflection, it becomes cajoling. He even begins to more consistently meet Style's eyes as Fadel begins to allow himself some honesty. Fadel's logical brain knows that the circumstances surrounding Style coming into his life are riddled with inconsistencies, but he both senses and WANTS to see Style's sincerity. The shields that Fadel had up are melting in the face of Style being present and unchanged from what Fadel remembers.
Stay, Fadel all but says, let me make it up to you. Fadel offering to make food for Style (@braceletofteeth please hold me as I cry about this!!) is also significant because the last time Fadel made food for Style (the burger) is when he was softening towards Style after Style helped out at the diner during the rush crowd. Fadel is a creature of habit and all that he's learned of late are the ways Style is easy to love.
They begin to fall back into their usual, playful banter and teasing dynamic. Style leans back against the table (and the way he's all unspoken surrender and submission -- throat arched up and bare and vulnerable -- truly makes me feral), turns up the flirt and Fadel responds in kind. And yes, Fadel means his question on some level but you don't get the sense that his heart is in the interrogation. Fadel may be going through the motions, but this is just Style being himself, exactly as Fadel has come to know (and love), so nothing is pinging as wrong to Fadel.
I mean, just LOOK AT FADEL'S EYES!! His expression is so so soft and tender and wistful. He wants this. He wants so desperately to believe that this is why Style was texting him throughout the week. He wants to have Style in all the ways that include and go beyond the physical; like Style offering his affection is everything Fadel didn't think he could wish for.
It's almost cruel the way Style's touch so utterly disarms Fadel. Because, while it is part of the games they've been playing, so much of their interactions have also been grounded in genuine feelings and moments of intense vulnerability on both sides (although neither of them know this for sure!! T_T). Style's hands on Fadel's body literally removes the last stretch of distance between them and that odd unease lingered over the way Fadel spoke and held himself at the start of the scene finally disappears.
If we compare their expressions and the way they are holding themselves and, most importantly, touching each other by the end of the scene to what we see when Style first walks into the diner, it becomes apparent just how much ground Fadel has given in the span of those few minutes.
It's the way Fadel keeps holding onto Style's hand even as he's turning to leave, maintaining that point of contact until the very last second.
Because with Style in front of him -- warm and familiar and carelessly affectionate -- Fadel allows himself to slip back to the version of himself that woke up in Style's bed at the start of the episode, the version of himself that called Style's name for the first time and wanted to wake him up with the softest of touches. The version of himself that literally, physically couldn't let Style go.
Which is why, when the call comes and Fadel's heart gets broken anew, Fadel remains devastatingly empty of anger towards Style.
Because it was Fadel's own fault for choosing to believe the lie.
Because it was a decision he made to allow his heart to rule over his head.
Because Fadel understands that Style only succeeded in "fooling" him once again because Fadel let him.
So Fadel gives himself this truth, allows himself to finally take that step to bare his heart to Style, the way he promised himself he never would, but the way he so desperately wanted.
And Style kisses Fadel because he doesn't realise that this confession is not a reward, but a judgement.
For Fadel is paying penance for giving in to his own foolish heart, and in so doing renders Style's love to devastation.
#literally bawling my eyes out. its 2am and I am DEVASTATED#i was so caught off guard by the change fadel goes through in this ONE scene#watching fadel thaw in tiny increments and then all at once when style is so effortlessly himself and everything fadel WANTS TO TRUST#he is so in love; SO IN LOVE and that's why it hurts all the more because HE DOESN'T KNOW how real it is for style too#and now fadel will never trust himself again because he thinks style so thoroughly played his fragile heart#when the tragic truth is that fadel didn't even fall (couldn't have!) until style found it himself to open his heart to fadel first#GOD DAMMIT IT HURTS SO BAD MAKE IT STOP T_T#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#fadelstyle#fadel#style sattawat#joongdunk#joong archen#dunk natachai#thk meta#thk ep 6#i'm in agony and making it EVERY ONE ELSE'S PROBLEM#hui talks thai bl#hui talks thk
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When the Moon moves through Gemini, its motion can easily be observed in a single night as it appears first west of Castor and Pollux, then aligns, and finally appears east of them.
#SO THAT FINALE HUH.#I am so so so normal about them#the caption is from. wikipedia.#pearlescentmoon#geminitay#fanart#wild life smp#wild life#life series#life smp#wild life spoilers#shiny duo#loved their toxic yuri this season. i am devastated#also pearl once again with the curse of outliving the people she wants to win. haha#kris's art
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not at them revealing to us in rapid continuation that a) wen xiao has had frequent nightmares ever since her master died and b) zhuo yichen haven't been able to dream ever since his brother got him one of ran yi's scales when he was under fourteen.
aka thinking about the times they've spent together healing each other's wounds and handling their grief and: zhuo yichen has had to watch wen xiao suffer from her nightmares while being unable to dream himself, probably hoping he could help wen xiao by taking away her dreams, too. meanwhile, wen xiao has seen zhuo yichen lose himself into the fact that he considers the waking world an endless nightmare he's stuck in while wen xiao either prefers being awake or is at least sometimes able to escape into nicer, happier dreams while asleep.
#and then zhao yuanzhou is there to learn about both these things#and it seems to devastate him#bc he knows he's the source of both these nightmare scenarios :)#and once again the trio is the most interesting dynamic out there#i am going insane am so sorry someone has to watch me go through it#fangs of fortune
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The moment of instant regret when JJ realizes how much he hurt Kiara by calling her a kook and how all the fight just immediately drains out of him afterwards
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Yeah....
#that was the top tier angst I was looking for#absolute devastation all around#once again I am asking: Rudy Pankow what gave you the RIGHT#jiara#jj maybank#kiara carrera#obx 3x04
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:-P
#i am once again devastated that u cant erase marker#its too god damn muddy to tell whats happening. not enough contrast. oh well#at least its done. this has been hanging over my head for months#senju hashirama#naruto#the cosmic horror of hashirama#tbh i like the sketch better. i drew it better in god damn pen. thats bullshit 😭#oh god. this took like fucking 20hrs im giving myself a dehydration headache#this was not a good use of my time and focus#i meant 10hrs not 20hrs lol#tw body horror
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xue yang looking at the candy and smiling as he died broke something deep within me i haven’t been right since
#its just. oh god im gonna start screaming#its just so devastating and haunting and jfc#too scared to rewatch yi city so i am once again debating getting the group chat to watch the entire show#the untamed#xue yang
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Just went to uni and instead of doing anything spent 3h agonising about ending my relationship. I'm sure this is good and normal
#it. idk I just don't really wanna be single rn and deal with all of that#and also I have silvester and first new year weekend plans hinging on this person and I kinda really don't want to find something else to do#but by god#I mean maybe my expectations are just too high as to how much I see my partner (doubtful)#or her lifestyle (has a shitton of things going on) and personality (not super communicative) are just not suited for polyamory#(and I have the same problems but I'm not the person who has two partners)#(and the fact that I can't really get a read whatsoever on her other partner is not helpful. like we vibe on occasion but mostly#I just do not get him at all)#but idk. like. we see each other like twice a week and those are like. during dance and for a pubquiz#and maybe going to the library#and it's just like to my expectations we are barely doing the bare minimum I need to have my emotional needs met#so whenever something falls through I am immediately devastated#but again I feel like 'I would like to see you outside of a social engagement with our friends at least once a week#and additionally also would like to sleep in the same bed as you at least once a week' are not high expectations whatsoever#and yet ....#when did we last have sex? Oh idk in october? maybe? I don't remember#which is that super important to me in a relationship? no. but like I don't think it's bc neither of us is interested#it's bc since then we have not managed to sleep in the same bed while neither of us was either on their period or extremely tired#and idk maybe I should write this to them instead of like. venting on tumblr. like this is also very much on me#but like#idk maybe it just also is a sign that maybe I don't care so much about this relationship. but also I feel like I still care more than her.#which isn't great#idk advice?#it's just. this current situation has me regularly having several hour breakdowns bc shit's not working out once again.#and that situation I really don't like
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Ricky when I catch u ricky Ricky when I catch u
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#nearly threw hands with a 18 yr old#emotionally devastated once again#i was the#why am i gasping i already knew that#percy jackson#pjo tv show#pjo spoilers#big spoiler#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo tv#luke castellan#my kid was crying luke how dare u
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No but how much Joel loves Ellie?? Getting her chef boyardee and board games. The blatant joy at seeing her smile and laugh. Asking her for bad puns and opening up about Sarah. Accepting her for who she is and telling her it wasn’t time that healed his wounds. The way the choice was never a choice for him at all; that the decision was her, always her, even before they stepped foot in that hospital, and I just—!!
#I am once again emotionally devastated by the last of us#like fuck man!!#joel miller#ellie williams#the last of us#the last of us hbo#tlou#tlou hbo
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I’m replaying Rising Tides and, like, I get that the main goal of this book was to be educational since it was part of a green mobile gaming event. So I understand why the writers played it safe by centering the book around activism, the power of journalism, and the ways that big companies are more responsible for climate change than the average individual. But at the same time, i can’t stop imagining a reality where this book is a fast-paced eco-thriller and not the snoozefest it actually is (mostly because i watched How to Blow Up a Pipeline the other day) 😭 The story suggests journalism is the true driving force of social change when neither Charlie nor MC are journalists, just the subjects of journalism. This puts them in super passive positions, making it a pretty boring game to play bc you don’t actually get to do much, just read about what other characters are doing. Buuuut if it were about guerrilla activism, Charlie and MC could’ve been in far more active positions within the story, which could have been actually entertaining and supported by the leftist ideas that are at the heart of the story the writers were trying, and kind of failing, to tell
#rising tides#playchoices#I am once again posting about a book no one has thought about in four years#again: I understand why the writers had to take the boring route#but. man. the bones are there for this to be an eco thriller and I’m so devastated that it never reached that point 😔👊#and yes MC and Charlie *do* have some super active moments (Charlie especially)#but robin’s articles make more waves than a lot of the things Charlie and MC try to do…#a lot of the plot is driven by robin’s writing and not anything the two main characters do#idk. just reading about back and forth newspaper battles isn’t that entertaining and that’s the biggest sin for a game to commit!!!
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I wish more people would understand that you can be sad / devastated by a character's death without it automatically meaning that their death was pointless or that it was due to bad writing.
A character's death can be sad and fulfill the plot (often they even go hand in hand), these statements aren't mutually exclusive.
#yes this post is about izzy's death#once again you are allowed to be sad#i myself am devastated#but leaving hate because of it is really unnecessary#izzy hands#our flag means death season 2 spoiler#our flag means death spoilers#ofmd#ofmd season 2
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amazon count of monte cristo adaption is immediately superior bc it actually has the morrel family in it. they had the bag!!! they had the moment where it saved morrel from suicide!!!! despite the weird way everyone keeps pronouncing names, i'm invested in this one now!
#did i immediately start another count of monte cristo adaption after finishing the 2024 movie? maybe.#some weird accent issues in this one. and once again i love sam but it was v hard to see him as dantes#HOWEVER. with a beard it's easier! i think i'm just too familiar with his clean shaven face acting in contemporary roles#kind of like that they redeemed caderousse and it looks like he'll be more of a secondary character#am i going down a count of monte cristo spiral for some reason? i don't know! why are there so many adaptions#im VERY attached to the morrel storyline bc dantes with morrel's children was like. the heart of the emotional narrative for me#so to have every adaption i've seen so far just wholesale cut them out of the picture... yikes. devastating. hate that.#i maintain that dantes' decision to spare albert and achieve his emotional equilibrium is very much influenced by the morrels#so like. it feels like such a weird large piece of the narrative is just straight up missing.#anyway im only on ep 3 of this mini series so we'll see how it goes!
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tagged by the tastemaker @cordiallyfuturedwight for the january receipts and would you believe it i'm actually on time
tagging a few favs: @aprylynn @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @btscontentenjoyer @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda @monismochi <333 and you too if you fancy it
#full report in the tags once again:#ladies room - bop of the century. olivia dean i will do anything for you#freak me now - bop of the century. jessie ware i will do anything for you#charm you - bop of the c-- sorry. best album that 2023 managed to gatekeep from me#when did your heart go missing - what can i say? i've been going through a michael moscovitz resurgence...#mia thermopolis (disney's version) how could you let him GO#i can't go for that - every so often hall & oates take a hold of me and there's simply nothing i can do about it. this is one of those times#pomo remix ended up on the groovy chick playlist. call me when they make a movie about HER!!#homesick - two of my favourite boys doing some absolutely devastating work on my mental health#but you can't deny it's a banger for the sax alone.#love at first sight - no notes. magnificent.#shame shame shame - i am not immune to the Pride (2014) soundtrack and nor should you be!! also. it's going on the groovy chick playlist#can't fight the moonlight - leann rimes? uh yeah i sure hope she does#i feel you - still here. expect i will be for a while longer#as for the artist list - nothing particularly new except T-PAIN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR OF A COVER ALBUM#please god go listen to it if you haven't already!! genuinely biblical experience from the guy who brought us “i'm sprung”#thus concludes the month#tag#receiptify#MWAH#i need a lie down
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!!!!warning: disco elysium spoilers ahead!!!!
I just played through the tribunal and i cannot fucking believe it! i failed every single check except saving the "gardener not gardener lawyer lady" and kim in the end, thank fuck! but everyone else died. they're all dead....fuck
#i am devastated#once i finished the game i have to try the tribunal again#and the checks were al 50/50 chance!#how did i fail all of them?#i knew it would be bad but this bad?#at least i wore my chest armour#i still cannot believe titus is dead#he seemed so indestructible#at least kim shot one of those assholes in the head#i knew he could do it#disco elysium#disco elysium spoilers#my thoughts#rambling
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