#i am catering to my own needs rn

[nanamis-bigtie]

a lot has happened lately, but so far i haven't made any official statement about my decisions and the path i want to take as a writer. it was a long road of trial and error & detailed examination of conscience in regard of my bad habits, gained experience, and goals and expectations. there are some massive changes that i need to address, followed by explanation of my decisions. i know i don't need to explain myself but i feel it's only fair to my loyal readers to share at least little insight into the context.

I. One Piece goes on indefinite vacation...

not going to lie, i was falling out of this fandom for years. it's started in 2021 when i fell victim to bullying and stalking, initiated by a widely-known (and still active, as far as i am aware of) x reader writer. it's the biggest reason for my slow withdrawal but not a sole one: pressing discourse around my comfort characters, toxic environment i fell into when looking for a relief from relentless bullying, forcing myself to write for topics and characters i didn't even like, readers overstepping my boundaries over and over again, falling into a trap of purity culture...oh, the list is long. way too long.

i still love one piece but i don't want to create for it en-masse anymore. right now it's just a wound that's far from healing, i need to treat it at my own pace. aside from an occasional poke at sapphic topics and my fav trio, i doubt it will appear in other way than commissions or gifts for friends. and some characters (kid, sanji, marco, katakuri, shanks & a few more) will never return.

II. ...but new fandoms arrive!

jujutsu kaisen is right now the main love of my life & will remain as the main fandom for long. but i found more series and characters i adore enough to feel that creative spark buzzing in my veins. soon you should see fics appearing for: demon slayer, chainsaw man, haikyuu and hell's paradise!

i'm keeping my head low rn when it comes to requests but i want to hold at least a kinktober open for them so you definitely will have an opportunity to see your faves from those series from me!

III. It's a gender neutral & afab Y/N sphere now!

it's something that was inevitably floating over me and my fics (and some of y'all definitely caught the whiff of it already), but i couldn't quite find courage to put a hard limit. we all know how it is in the y/n circles: way too many people expect from writers to cater to everyone, and treat it as a personal offense if you prefer to play in your own sandbox. as if writing y/ns was "activism", not a fandom activity like any other.

so, i won't force myself to write against myself anymore. i feel the most happy and comfortable when i make my y/ns gender neutral and when i'm giving them vaginas (and sometimes boobs) when i'm writing smut with them. i don't want to battle my weirdly-veiled dysphoria to force female reader out of myself. i don't want to stress myself while writing amab y/n, from the sheer biological fact of being unable to relate via lack of penis, to being sick and tired of the toxicity and misogyny that m!reader circles reek of.

so, gender neutral and afab it is. sometimes i will stray towards afab nonbinary or transmasc direction, if i feel like i need some good gender vibes coming from my fics.

it doesn't mean i will never write different y/ns. commissions, gifts for friends, exchanges, random ideas for a plot that requires a specific kind of y/n, sapphics feels, and such will appear here and there. i will also interact lots with f!reader fics, since it's what i see lots around & don't mind reading, if i feel more fem or if it's from a writer i like and trust.

incoming ino x reader (that i hope to publish tomorrow) will be the last non-sapphic f!reader that will appear for a long while. all requests i'm keeping in my drafts right now will be turned into completely gender neutral or from fem to more general afab reader (i don't have any requests for amab readers rn anyway). unless you really don't want to have f!reader taken out of your request - then please, let me know, i will delete it so you can head with it to a different writer.

IV. Never miss a fic again - sign for a tag list!

and now a little treat! if you don't want to miss a fic about the topic that might interest you, you may sign for a tag list by filling a simple form!

V. And what am I going to do now?

write, write, and write even more! i wanna write the in the heat of spring drabbles before the spring is gone, have three fully-fledged multichapter fics outlined and itching to be written and posted, and an interactive event with which we will welcome the summer 💦

in june i want to publish a few sapphic fics that i had in mind for a while now & later towards the second half of summer (think august-september) i'll smile at you again with a kinktober i really want to complete this year!

there might be a few smaller events on the way, depending on how busy i'll be. there's an idea for dilf enjoyers and for a chubby y/n, as well as many others that still didn't take a clear shape.

i also didn't forget about the kiss event and nonsexual acts of intimacy for the fluff enjoyers!

if you survived this wall of text (or just scrolled down here lol understandable) - thank you for your patience, understanding, and support. whether you're here with me since the very beginning or clicked the follow recently, i'm happy to have you here ❤ if you have any questions or just want to talk, my askbox is open for any kind of interaction! and if you want to support a poor writer who has way too many health-related spendings lately, you can buy me a ko-fi ❤

[1-800-cr33py]

Forelsket

(n) the euphoria experience when you first fall in love 

Okay so its not the best, Benadryl making life hard rn TvT

Word count: 3400

TW: It’s HABIT cmon nw, dubcon, he kinda breaks in????? Dom/sub undertones but never stated outright, breeding kind kinda, my bad writing while im sick.

Haven’t wrote smut for a while so this will probably be re-written when Im in my right mind

The taste of you was heavy on his tongue, so much so that every word, every breath was you, and only you. 

Balance. That's what the universe needs, enforced. A never-ending balance that no one, not ever the strongest or oldest of Entities challenged. Where there was light, there shall be dark and vice versa. Habit hated it. He hated seeing people heal, he hated seeing a familiar iridescent form from the corner of his eye. It was a never ending cycle; Habit would bring some undeserved wrath to some poor mortal unfortunate enough to have caught his eye, or maybe it was his hatred for the Slender Man that that pushed him, but nonetheless he’d drag out some unnecessary,torturous game that only he finds entertaining, and there you’d be. When Habit was created, born of hate and trickery; you were also brought forth. A being of an oh so tender light that even he could only stare in a curious awe. You were his balance, always there to counteract whatever damage he’d done. Habit hated you for a while, avoiding you for the longest, trying to reverse whatever you did; and for a while those feelings were mutual. You, still young and naive, believed that this was some kind of sick punishment that you’d somehow earned yourself in the brief moments you’d met the creators. Fos, your creator, a being of an eternal, cold light, caressed your cheek and sent you on your way, giving you favored blessings and best wishes. You were a favorite, a purer being that they’d created to serve as a buffer; sometimes you’d wish you weren’t. Habits, well habits made you sick. He’d toy with mortals like he was a creator himself,a god. And you’d mess with him back all the same, pulling his horn like appendages, calling him out on his name; a constant back and forth you'd both soon tire of.

“ You think you’re so much better than I, don’t you, pretty? “ his voice, rough and condescending, questioned, his many eyes all gazing down at you. 

“ Of course I do, mutt. I am better. ‘ You hated this man, if he even was one. It didn’t matter how many times you changed your form, he’d always make it his mission to make you feel small, weak. You couldn’t take much more after the Dark Ages, too much suffering and not enough time to fix it. You, and your brethren failed for many, many years. Fos, in all their luminal glory, felt pity upon you all, and gave most of you the sanctuary you needed to regain the lost energy and strength you’d lost during the seemingly endless wars and revolutions. It had been 798 years to be exact, and many things changed since that day. Ligo Fos, as your kind had come to be called, were ridded of your old appearances, no matter the differencing in forms. The small, branch like ‘horns’ fell, and your skin became soft, many ranges of colors that still felt limiting. 

‘ We must cater to the mortals, my dear children. ‘ Fos's voice was caring, yet stern. The Creator willed it, so as dutiful servants you must obey, lest you want to be repurposed. It would be alright. 

Time skip

Ligos Fos, elusive creatures known to heal the sick and punish the guilty. Beings of a light so bright that only artists can gaze upon. All these titles boosted your ego. Mortals viewed anything they didn’t understand as a higher being. They viewed your blessings as some mystical power that was your own. Laughable. 

As the sun rose and fell, you spent your days following your hellish counterpart. Trailing behind him wherever he went, fixing his wrongs. It was the late 90s when he caught on. Habit would flick his eyes to your hidden location and smile a cruel,twisted smirk that had only gotten worse than you remember it. Habit had changed, he wasn't a twiggy, short thing made of the darkest ink anymore. He’d grown into what mortals called a ‘man’. He’d taken on a vessel of sorts. A human man, barely reaching 19 summers at this point. You had to admit, he would be attractive once he grew into his looks. This ‘highschool’ and ‘college’ would be stressful, and human hormones would fluctuate often. Habit, or Evan, as he’d been calling himself nowadays, was almost dog-like, always chasing down something he shouldn’t, getting overly excited, etc. etc. His antics were cute to you, making you forget that this wasn’t this Evan person, whoever he was. This was Habit, your Habit. The same creature that mocked you, pulled at your cheeks until they were sore, muddied your outerwear. You felt pity for whoever Evan was, because you knew well enough that he was gone, his body nothing more than a husk for Habit to use and bend until it broke. For three years you did this, slowly getting closer and closer to the thing you’d been made with. Forced a bond in which you didn’t know how to work with or use in any way. 

For the longest it was awkward to say the least. Habit wanted nothing more than to make your life a living hell, doing the most trivial things to irk your nerves for the sake of it. 

“ Your cheeks puff up when you get upset, pretty. Did I upset the pretty dove? Ruffle your feathers? “ he, Evan, all but cackled his rough hands cupping your jaw. You were sure you hated him, but even you, in all your prideful ways, had to admit he was attractive. You scoffed at his statement, retreating out the door, your feet stomping angrily. He’d never let you live this down. Habit would call you brattish, daring you to object and ‘prove his point’; yet some part of you wanted that. A part of you that thought about the young man in facetious ways. Ways that would leave a damp spot in your panties. You suppressed these urges for the longest. Fos found it funny when you consulted them, thinking you were defective, broken. One had to admit, you’ve always been a theatrical type. Fos explained you were mature now, one of the first of their creations to fully mature actually; something that had you preening for a while. Fos sent you back to the mortal realm, with no instructions other than to get used to these urges, for they wouldn’t end now that they’ve started. And stars above they weren't wrong about that one bit. During the early months of spring you suffered. Your lower abdomen ached and your fingers didn’t provide you the relief you needed. After you found out about toys, they only satisfied you for about a year in total. By now, your ‘heats’ had begun to hurt progressively more. 

  ➞break

Habit knew something felt wrong. He felt something gnawing at the pit of his stomach, or a nagging voice in the back of the endless void he called a mind. Then it clicked for him. It was the turning of the seasons. Spring was approaching and he’d forgotten about it.. Habit mentally cursed himself. Quickly bringing the phone to cancel any and all plans or work he may have had the next week and a half. Sure his pockets would hurt for a while but he’d manage. After the first few days he began to feel the effects of his upcoming rut, and something told him it would be bad. His urge to nest and hoard was already something when he wasn’t being pumped full of unwanted hormones, but now? Now he’d be growling at air if he felt his space was being threatened. He’d spend his days shirtless, a pair of sweatpants hung loosely around his waist; a thin layer of sweat covered his body as he fanned himself. Habit’s house was on the verge of freezing, yet he still panted like a dog. What made it so much worse was that his cock ached, the tip a hot red now from past abuse and Habit still wasn’t satisfied. By now he was pushing 21 summers, well the vessel was anyways;  many of the entities Habit had familiarized himself with in the past now sired many cherub faced cambions, hell, a good many knocked up the Ligos they’d been balanced with when they were created alongside. One acquaintance spoke of how pretty her Ligos looked underneath her. Habit’s mind slowly drifted towards the idea of you, and how you’d look beneath his, whining and begging for him to fuck his cum back into your soaked hole, or maybe you’d beg him to stop, tell him you hated him and that he was lucky to even be this close to you in the first place. Habit laughed at the last thought, his cock twitched as he palmed himself through his pants. He’d have you. He needed to have the pleasure of seeing such an elusive, prideful creature reduced to a whimpering, blubbering mess below him, your voice cracking and begging for him to slow down, begging him to breed you. The mere thought of shooting his cum down your sopping hole made a guttural groan leave his throat as he continued to palm himself through his sweatpants. He ached for you, longed for you.

       -with you-

The empty feeling in your stomach was enough to make you whine. As much as you adored your Creator, they did little to help ease the tightness. Your hand was buried between your thighs, fingers soaked with your cum, and yet it still wasn’t enough. You needed something more than just your fingers and toys; you’d brought yourself to orgasm after fucking orgasm and yet you still felt wrong. Your body was slick with sweat at this point, the scent of sex heavy in the air around you. As you bit on the now clipped fingernail, listening to the rain outside the small glass window, sometimes you’d like to think that your savior would waltz out of the treeline to solve all your problems; you’d laugh at the childish thoughts then. Now you wish they would. You continued your daydreaming, oblivious to the creaking floorboards. You smelt him before you saw him. He smelt like teakwood and fire; he smelt like home, safety. 

‘ Habit. ‘ your voice croaked, hoarse from the screaming and whining you’ve done. Habit laughed, his voice gravelly as he continued. 

‘ So this is what my little starlight does in her freetime? Stuffing her cunt like whore? ‘ 

Habit laughed as he kicked himself off the doorframe to stalk closer to your now shaking body. You weren’t scared, but the anticipation, the adrenaline. You could taste it, it was addicting, for once in your life you allowed yourself to become addicted to it. Dark eyes raked across your body, taking note of how your nightwear clung to your sweat covered skin. You looked absolutely delectable like this, and you didn’t even know. Habit was an impatient being already, but what little patience he had left was thinning, the last string so close to popping before he allowed those urges he’d taken so long to suppress. The scent of sex made Habit lick his lips as he crawled atop you, muscles tense as his hands pulled at your sheets. Habit trailed open mouthed kissed down your neck and throat, leaving a trail of bites in his wake, hickeys would be a pain in the ass to cover tomorrow, but you didn’t care. You didn’t care about the past resentment you had for this man, you didn’t care about the past teasing, arguments. Anything. All that mattered right now was him. 

Then he stopped, and gods above you wanted to tear his throat out. 

“ Tell me to stop dove. “ Habit’s voice was hushed, raspy even. He wanted you to tell him to stop, tell him to go fuck himself, find some cheap whore he could dispose of after he was done with them. He wanted you to tell him to go to hell, you weren’t like him, but yet here you were, shoving your head to the side, begging him not to stop. Your thighs pushed apart to fit his body against yours. To Habit, you didn’t want him to stop, no you wanted him to ruin you for anyone else, to leave an imprint of himself on your soul. A guttural growl left Habit’s throat as he bit down on your throat, a hand moving to grip your jaw. 

“ I told you to do something starlight, " the man spoke through gritted teeth, a cruel smile etching its way onto his face. Your eyes locked with his, dark eyes a flurry of emotions. Lust. Need. Somethings else you couldn’t name. To think you’re relearning each other after so long apart, and yet he still remembered which parts made you weak. A smile etched itself on your features just when you settled your hand against Habit’s that still lay resting on your jaw. When you turned your head to gently kiss his palm. 

“ If I wanted you to stop, I would've made you a while ago, Habit. '' your voice was muffled in his palm. “ And right now, I want you to ruin me. “ Habit’s eyes darkened at your words, pulling your hips closer to his, you almost whined at the feeling of his cock through the material of his pants. Habit’s lips were heavy against yours as he dragged his hands down your body, pawing at any exposed flesh he could feel, your soft nightwear being pushed out of the way for his preying hands to feel for more. You felt whole. His touch was electric, leaving sparks wherever his hands found sanctuary. Habit liked toying with his prey, feeding off their fear, their tears; and you were no exception. He’d tease, he’d edge if that's what it took for you to break before him. How long would you last? How long before you were fucked dumb? To braindead to speak coherent sentences? He’d find out. He’d find out if it took him all night and the next day. Habit’s hand slowly found itself between your thighs, the damp spot in your panties making him chuckle. His lips found your throat once again as his fingers traced your slit, gathering up your slick on his fingers before pushing them into your soaked hole. A breathy whine leaving you lips, eyes closing as your head lolled back into your pillow. Habit’s pace was slow, his fingers curling deliciously at that spot that made you want to scream. He wanted you to beg, to put your pride aside and ask him for your release that you craved so desperately. Maybe he’d be nice, maybe he’d set aside his usual cruelty and sadistic want and just give you what you wanted for once! 

“ Fat chance, pretty! Tell me what I want and then you can cum.” Habit was a bastard, he wouldn’t give anybody anything for free, what made you any different. And you gave in. You begged, borderline screamed pleas for him to just let you come undone, the familiar tightness in your stomach threatening to pop; but he didn’t allow it. Habit pried his fingers from your cunt and brought them to his lip. The sight was erotic, taboo. Watching him lick your slick off his fingers made your thighs close, or at least attempt to. Habit groaned and threw his head back, eyes closed as the corners of his mouth made a lopsided grin. “ Gods you taste better than I imagine dove. “ he voiced his praise, your cheeks felt hot as you averted your eyes. “ Please…” a weak plea left your lips. It was almost laughable to Habit, you were throwing a tantrum all because he wouldn’t let you get off? Cute, but he’d be nice just this once. His cock was painfully hard at this point, the tip a burning red as he pulled his pants down just enough to free his member. Your mouth practically watered at the sight, but there’d be another time you’d get to suck him dry. Your panties had long since been discarded, the fabric laying in tattered shreds on your floor somewhere alongside the promise to buy you more. You squirmed, trying to find any friction you could but Habit’s firm hands kept you still, his fingers sure to leave bruises with his grip on your hips. “ No no pretty, tell me what you want. “ he chided, a sadistic grin on his face. His hair clung to his forehead, a sheen of sweat coating his body as his muscles tensed. He was holding back, waiting for those words to fall out of your mouth, and gods was it worth the wait. “ Please gods! Please just fuck me Habit! Use me! I don’t care just let me cum-” your sentence was cut short as Habit thrusted his cock into you without so much as a warning, tears pricking your eyes from the sudan intrusion. Something between a growl and groan left the man’s throat. Your warmth sucked him in. Habit gave you a brief moment to adjust before his pace was quickened, his grip on your hips bruising as your back arched. His intent was to breed you, mark your insides as his. You were his. His to hold, his to kiss, his to breed. The thought of you round with his children made his cock twitch. You’d be such a good mother, such a doting mate. Your sweet sounds filled his ears, urging him on. Habit was running on pure instinct at that moment, no words were spoken between you two, because they didn’t need to be. A hand left your hip to press on your stomach, a toothy smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss away the stray tears that fell from your eyes. You looked so pretty, all fucked out, dazed, and all from his cock. “ Aw is my little dove all fucked out? To dumb on cock to speak now? “ Habit cackled as he left soft slaps to your cheek, and all you could do was nod. Your brain long fried as he fucked his cock into you. Gargled pleas left your lips, yet you didn’t know what you were begging for at this point. For him to stop? Fuck you harder? He didn’t care, all Habit cared about was fucking you full of his kids. Habit groaned as your cunt squeezed his cock, a rough smack landed on your thigh making you jump. His dark eyes met yours as he hissed out a threat “ You better not fucking cum yet. Not until I say so. “. He left no room for objection, so all you could do was whine and take it, cunt fluttering around his cock as he mixed degrading words with his filthy praises. A high-pitched whine left your throat as you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, digging your nails into his flesh and burying your face into his shoulder; your pleas falling on deaf ears. You begged, cried, pleaded for Habit to just let you cum, that you’d do anything. Habit’s voice was hoarse as he laughed, a grunt heaved from his throat. 

Your vision turned white as you came. It took a few moments to come back to your senses and even then they were fried. Everything felt fuzzy almost, hazy. Habit, panting and showering you with sloppy kisses and half-formed praises lay on top of you. His weight was nice, you felt protected and warm. “ You’ll be such a good little mate won’t you? “ he grinned, wiping the stray hairs from your forehead before planting a kiss on it. “ Such a good mother too? Maybe I’ll just keep you plugged so it takes? You’d like that wouldn’t you pretty? You want to make me happy don’t you? Yeah, you do. “ His voice was background noise to you at this point, but his words made you smile. You felt whole, full. No longer longing for something you couldn’t have or couldn’t reach. Habit hummed as he stroked your face, watching you doze every now and then. You’d keep him happy enough for now. And busy.

 “ Oh don’t think I’m done yet, starlight, I’m just gracious enough to give you a break! Say thank you, why don’t you? “ 

[flarefighters-fr]

"The new breed is bad, it should cater to my own ideas and it's horrible for not doing that!"

"I think the breeds should be like this!" "No like this!" "No like-

"This Ancient breed could be a modern dragon if you shoved a coat onto it and ignore XYZ about them!"

"They're too plain"

subjective. Personal Opinion. Here's my take:

I'm annoyed they don't temporarily remove items in crossroad trades from your inventory so if you get or remove a piece of apparel from your hoard it doesn't count as the entire crossroad being null and void. We are not the same.

Oh and uh, These Dusties be BALLIN' They zoom! They have the most interesting way of moving of any breed! They have the best defeat pose! They're so recognizable and every pose is GOOD! Dusties have rolled their bald heads into my heart so fast and so easily. My only wish for them is Tide/Foam and Trickmurk genes eventually. I need to see how they roll with the goop. I love how they have the fat snake neck where they're just lookin. Strike and Coil are such good exclusive genes and Display/Parade are the superior versions of Love/Affection.

Oooh I just thought about Flameforger Dusthides. Yesss! I am putting on a second Sickos shirt rn. I thought I'd be normal by now but nahhh.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

I saw that one ask about being in a small fandom infested with antis and first of all, I felt that in my soul and want to express my solidarity. I need to vent about my small fandom because dear lord it's giving psychic damage seeing some people be so arrogant and far up their asses.

These people have all but driven any reasonable people off tumblr, onto other sites and y'know, these anti fucks COULD mind their own business and stay their asses on tumblr but NO. Few weeks ago saw one of them making a post about how they went purposefully on pinterest and other sites to LOOK FOR "proshit" content or whatever and did a detailed report on how quickly they found what of which character. Acting like that's a community service and their post was some sort of an important PSA or something. LMAO WHAT

And the peak of the audacity? I can't remember if it was the op or one of the commenters saying: "lol these are the websites proshitters go to hide" ... HIDE? Try: Post normally since they're not allowed to post on the same app as you! Like.. If someone is at home, are they hiding from you? Unhinged logic. These antis are unhinged. They drive people off platforms, but they don't stop. They'll purposefully go into spaces that aren't for them and actively hound on shit that upsets them. Entitled and I am so tired of them.

Just few days ago saw a post where someone griped about having shown the [piece of media] to their IRL classmate and the classmate ends up not only disliking a popular character in the anti fandom but also liking a ship that's considered wildly 'problematic' or whatever. This bitch really posting about their IRL friend on a site where people tell 'proshitters go kys'??? Thankfully no names or nothing were shared but that's still a shitty thing to do. The replies were pearl-clutchy as well. I don't trust the op to treat this friend very courteously, let's just say

I have to look at this shit on my dash because people I thought were reasonable are engaging with it. Idk if people just pretend to be antis to ward off harassers and keep their meager amount of followers, but this sucks ass HARD

"Hide" bitch we're loud and proud, stop going into the circus and claiming the clowns are hiding there and not chilling at home.

That's the problem on AO3 rn. It was created to host largely proship content, yet entitled ass antis seem to think the space was made for and should cater to them. They walk into our spaces while still yelling that we should make our own. It's like stomping into somebody's house and demanding that they find their own place to live.

[choccyhearts]

Beef // Eddie Munson x Reader

Note: I am in need of fluff so badly rn :(( so here is something self-indulgent

CW: G/N!reader, lots of talk about eating, reader is a vegetarian, Eddie is huge simp, fluff, italics are Eddie's thoughts

Summary: Eddie takes you on a date but forgets one detail about you

♡

Eddie Munson is a sweet guy -- really, he is. Sure he's excitable and eccentric, and he loves teasing the hell out of his friends, but he cares for and loves them at the end of the day. When he gets into a relationship, he does his best to make everything perfect, he wants his partner to love him back and know that they can rely on him to keep them safe and happy.

So, getting a date with you sent him over the moon. The leader of Hellfire was enchanted the day you joined the club, and your skills and intelligence drew him in more. After weeks of sweet talking you and slowly showing his soft and caring side, he was able to open up to you and ask you to go on a date.

Eddie knows a lot about you -- your favorite bands, names of pets you've had throughout your life, what your go to rainy day movie is -- but there is one thing he somehow never picked up on.

You're a vegetarian.

It's just never come up in conversation. During lunch, you have always brought your own meals and Eddie couldn't blame you from steering clear of the cafeteria food. You eat chips and cookies at the club meetings, and you eat pizza during celebrations. Only cheese pizza? Well, not everyone trusts sausage or pepperoni, so no big deal.

Tonight, Eddie has your whole date planned. It's something casual, lowkey. Just a night to see how compatible you two are and it's the opportunity for Eddie to show you how smooth and romantic he can be.

He picks you up and he's stunned by how amazing you look. You two sit in the front of his van and start chatting as he takes you to your destination -- a diner famous for it's endless burger options. It's perfect! -- he thinks. Enough options to cater to you! (Plus, not too pricey...)

After he parks, he leaps out and races around the van to open your door for you. You giggle and take his hand to hop out. You continue holding hands as you walk into the restaurant.

You sit down and look over the menu. Yep, allllll burgers, except one grilled cheese at the very bottom. That's okay, you like grilled cheese. Plus, you'll have fries too, so not a bad meal.

You both order sodas and continue having your conversation. He really loves talking to you, hearing your point of view and he loves that you aren't afraid to challenge his opinions -- though, they're usually silly ones, like which Friday or Nightmare film is the best, or which actors would be best cast if they ever turned The Hobbit into a movie.

He also loves looking at you. The way you style your hair, the jewelry you wear, your outfit. The way your eyes shine when you smile and start to water when he makes you laugh extremely hard. This date is going so well already and you haven't even orde-

"Are you both ready to order?", the waitress asks.

Eddie answers first, "Uh, yeah, I'll have the classic cheeseburger with no onions -- I think ahead", he winks at you. "And fries."

The waitress then looks at you as you smile up at her.

"I'll have the grilled cheese and fries too." You both hand her your menus as Eddie looks at you puzzled. His eyes are squinted and he has a line between his furrowed brows.

"That's all?", he asks.

"Yeah, nothing really piqued my interest", you say before taking a sip of your soda.

"Really? I mean there's at least 25 different types of burgers."

You bite your straw as you grin widely.

"Well, I don't eat burgers. You know that, right?"

Did he know that? He shifts eyes around, digging through the filing cabinet in his brain. Did you not eat red meat? Did you even eat meat at all??

"Eddie", you giggle. You set your hand on his and he looks back at you. "I'm a vegetarian. I thought you knew that!"

His eyes widen. Oh no, he didn't. How did he not know? He knows so much about you, how did this thing slip his mind? Is he not observant enough? Is this date already turning into a sinking ship? Are you going to leave? Are you gonna tell all of the guys-?

"Eddie." You shake his hand and bring him back to you. "It's okay, really. I guess I never told you, it's just not a big secret. I didn't even think about it."

He looks at your face. There is not hint of anger or sadness, no, you look amused.

"How did I not know?"

"Like I said, I guess I never told you. But I mean, I only eat cheese pizza, and I always bring my lunch. That time Mike had a barbecue, I only ate the side dishes."

That is true. He just figured you didn't trust Mr. Wheeler, which is totally understandable.

"Wow, I guess I'm just not observant", he chuckles softly. "If you want, we can go somewhere else?"

"No, no, no, I already have my heart set on that grilled cheese", you smile and run your thumb back and forth against his hand. "Besides, I was hoping we'd share a milkshake at the end."

He beams at you. "One milkshake, two straws", he'd say. He'd always wanted to say that.

"Well, then, now that I have this information, fair lady", he says in his dungeon master voice. "I will be able to showcase one of my secret skills."

You raise your eyebrow.

"Cooking." You giggle as he starts to defend himself, already asking you for another date to prove himself.

[freedomfireflies]

omg stop it you’re so sweet. i’m doing some writing of my own rn and i just wanted to stop in and chat!! working on a series that i started that has like no smut but it’s fine i like the storyline hahaha. little bit stuck on where and how i want it to go but it’s getting there!!

i liked asher more than h in some scenes tbh. but the one that comes to mind was when they were both fucking her and harry makes him get off so he doesn’t finish in her skcndkckxkck AHHHH that’s too horny for the dms at 4:50 pm HAHAHA.

-🕷️

EEEE STOP IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEND ME THE LINK, I WILL CHOMP ON IT!! (that sounded better in my head aaafljsfd)

Omg writing is so hard, I def understand! Especially when a lot of fics here cater to smut, which is fine either way! But you're SO right, you should always write what you want to!!! If you ever need help with the plot or ideas, I am always down to help! Honestly I get stuck all the time and sometimes the best way for me to get unstuck is to just...pick something and write it even if it sucks and then somehow that leads me to a better idea? IF THAT MAKES SENSE?? It's almost like you have to mess it up in order to fix it??

GOD LISTEN OKAY.......I WAS TEAM LET ASHER FINISH INSIDE BUT 1. I knew that Harry would never approve of that because even if he's down to share, he's still fiercely protective of her and 2. I didn't want to upset the few that maybe don't like Asher as much!

BUT MAYBE WE'LL DO A BLURB WHERE HE DOES GET TO HEHE (never too horny, believe me, it's horny o'clock somewhere)

[justalexisfine]

It's okay.

I am always anxious. Always worried things will happen, that I'm being avoided, etc. I like direct communication but I suppose this is part of my mental health issues and I hate it. I'm not setting these boundaries to make others hate me, it's for my own safety. But I also want to be included in things as well and I just feel bad like I'm not worth being included. Does no one want to hang out with me? Am I really that bad..?

It's how I constantly feel and sometimes it drives me into just. Ending things with others if I feel like the friendship isn't going well. It hurts but I feel like I need to cater to my own safety and needs as well.. /nay

we get it, truly. /gen

we're usually anxious when it's our friends and such, but our mind is blanking rn, so it's not rly an option to explain us if we don't have the words. /lh, nbr

we can relate, since those kinds of thoughts slither undetected in our mind, since we know they're there, but we just can't hear them. it's like a protective barrier, if that makes any sense. /lh

I don't think we can willingly end something with somebody we care about due to a mechanism that was enforced with abandonment threats and such, though we think about it often. /lh, gen

[zorphie]

MAULWURF APPRECIATORS RISE UP

I saw you mention him in the tags of the Musicology icons post and i would like to hear ur thoughts about da wurf if i may 👀

I RAMBLED ON FOR A BIT SO.. UNDEE THE CUT

DUDDEEE. I LOVE THAT GUY. he's sooo silly. loved him the second i started watching karamelle and his brief appearances always made me go :-) !!!!!! we need more of him and he needs more fans there's only like 5 of us

I do really want to include him more in my oc lore!!! and im honestly inspired to do so even more now, especially because i /did/ write in the fact maulwurf and devin are literally besties and they are the duo that defend musicology and have long, super loud discussions in the arcanum about it. ione is annoyed. and i would love to doodle that someday

ESPECIALLY BECAUSE SOUND OF MUSICOLOGY IS DIVINER SPECIFIC... MOUSE WITH A GUITAR? FUELS ME EVEN MORE😕 THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS!!!! maulwurf gave him a special little spell card just for him. I'm convinced. (ID LOVE TO SEE UR FAN SPELLS BTW)

also i am just. bfksixhaka over music in general (devin gets it from me) so i get maulwurf. he's so right. musicology IS a real magic class and i will fight for him forever. when i heard him first talk about it i GOR SO EXCITED. i was like oh yeah he's so dear to me Right Away . moved on through karamelle and I went WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE HAS 5 SECONRS OF SCREENTIME AND THERES NOTHING ON MUSICOLOGY IN GENERAL...

it's real somehow right because technically there are interactive instruments that u can set as furniture in ur house. and ur wizard jus plays it without actually .. playing it. also instruments are legal as wands. the spiral just hasn't discovered it yet and that man is onto something. DONT LIFE WIZARDS USE SOME KIND OF "MUSIC" TO CAST THEIR SPELLS???? THE SONG OF CREARION...?

devin fizzles if he plays offkey.. the creatures he summons specifically are enthralled by the music he's playing to cast a spell, so i feel like there HAS to be some knowledge of musicology there. how he figured that on his own arc 1-2 I have no clue. Sorry. especially cuz the only guy who gives a fuck about musicology is in space rn. but once he joins the arcanum he's in the musicology office 24/7 theorizing and creating new spells/methods with maulwurf

he's just so cool to me for trying to enforce a new magic class (that is so catered towards my interests) and i love how goofy he is. i really do need to write more about him huh. i wasn't too canon character focused, but I am gonna be expanding on more of that as I write and revise so .... HE IS HIGH PRIORITY bcoz i love him :)

points at u. maulwurf fan.... i respect you so much.... for my favorite characters he's definitely up there

[bitchin-witchin]

Been listening to the shin gojira soundtrack and ofc I can't help to think of childe when hearing the lyrics for Who Will Know. The first soprano verse i think of his childhood self in the abyss. Then when the bass verse comes in on the second repeat of the first I think of his new self putting the old to rest by carrying on in the face of what almost to anyone else ever would be unbeatable adversity.

Lyrics:

If I die in this world, who will know something of me?

I am lost, no one knows, there's no trace of my yearning.

If I die in this world, who will know something of me?

(But I must carry on. Nothing worse can befall.)

I am lost, no one knows, there's no trace of my yearning.

(All my fears, all my tears, tell my heart there's a hole.)

I wear a void, not even hope.

A downward slope is all I see.

I wear a void.

(As long as breath comes from my mouth.)

Not even hope.

(I may yet stand the slightest chance.)

A downward slope.

(A shaft of light is all I need.)

Is all I see.

(To cease the darkness killing me.)

DUDE EVEN LIKE "I wear a void" HIS CAPE.... THATS HIS CAPE ISHFNFJF. "A shaft of light is all I need to cease rhe darkness killing me" FINDING AN EXIT BACK TO TEYVAT... CELESTIA DELIVERING HIM A VISION... LIKE THE DOTS ARE CONNECTING THEMSELVES.

It also makes me think of an idea where his abyssal powers have grown more and he's closer than ever to being something godlike (the use of like is mportant here) but at the cost of continous suffering. In Shin, gojira's crazy nuclear waste-mutated biology makes it possible for him to evolve in real time at insane speed to combat the humans trying to kill him, but it's not really a conscious choice, it's his body forcing him to live under constant new stressors. Perhaps childes ascent in power comes at a similar price? I'm not thinking exactly the same since Shin's story is very much like its own and not something to be directly transferred to childe character. But the feelings of despair and desperation, continuing to live through agony because what else can you do, what else could there be that is any more painful? That could very well be Ajax's story in the abyss.

Basically this is all just a big excuse to daydream childe growing into a super awesome disgusting foul legacy (which you could make a connection to shin again that this form is the visual representation of how the powers which manipulate teyvat have hurt the world and who's actions could lead to its destruction (the recipe of events which led to the creation of whatever childe becomes) but maybe that's a bit much considering this gets into even more ambiguous and self catering hc territory LOL)

But really I just want to imagine him being a tragic figure who can also cause so much damage and have cool powers that make him suffer MOAR. I'm not usually big on whump but I do love a character suffering while still being very powerful and destructive huehue.

I would love to write a fic that expresses this connection to/inspiration from Who Will Know but I'm not sure how I would approach it/what it would even be. Best idea rn is a fic that would require so much plotting and planning and p much being written all before posting which would take me YEARS considering it already takes me a year or more to write one to two chapters of something 😂😭 if this is inch resting to anyone pls feel free to reply/reblog I would love to discuss and entertain current/new thoughts with others <3 unless you're just gonna poo poo on this then I won't respond. bc who wants to talk to someone about why that someone thinks the idea you expressed liking in the self-identified self-indulgent post is lame and stinky. Not me. LOL. Even if it's a cringe idea to others. who care. We living our best cringe life out here posting like this. Fucked up evolved foul legacy hc has transcended beyond cringe <3

[lady-assnali]

Just some cute pastel girlies getting into mischief, it’s a WIP on a Tuesday! It might get expanded, it might stay this way, who knows! bc there’s no rules in my life rn, just vibes.

(Jan and Marcia are sisters, Lemon’s their cousin, the vibe is affluent New York natives and their Canadian cousin who are besties living their lives.)

💜 💛 🧡

“You can’t do that!” Marcia hisses, her head whipping around to see if anybody is watching. They’re not; the party is in full swing upstairs, and the only people around are the caterers, who are far too concerned with preparing desserts and figuring out how to cut the massive cake Jan and Marcia’s mom had ordered to notice the three teenagers huddled around their extra fridge. Jan’s shuffling things around in her backpack, making room to wrap washcloths around a bottle of top shelf rosé.

“Who says that I can’t?”

“If mom finds out we’re dead.”

“She’s not going to find out” Lemon rolls her eyes, brushing her perfect blonde to yellow ombré from her eyes. “She’s too busy talking with my mom about how nice it is that we’re all staying in the same city for school. Really, Marshie, take a breath.”

“I am breathing!”

“You’re not.” Jan pats her head lightly, adding a second bottle of pink whine to her backpack. “Besides, technically the only person who’s doing anything is me. I’m taking the alcohol, nobody will know it’s gone. You’re barely even an accomplice. You’re the graduate! And you’re the princess. Nobody’s going to tell you a single thing.”

“Yeah. You seem to forget that in my country, we’d be able to go and get our own stuff instead of drinking what your mom likes.” Lemon stacks a couple of seltzers in the font pocket of her own little bag, protected by some dish towels she’d managed to snag. The two older girls are a well-oiled machine, and Marcia continues to look around as they finish up their work. Finally, Jan zips up her backpack with a practiced ease.

“In a week it won’t matter anyway because I can buy. But I won’t buy if you’re not being safe, that’s the rule.”

“Yes mom, we get it. I’m the only one you’ll be buying for. Marshie’s too good to break the rules.”

“Leave me alone!”

“You know, your pouting’s a lot more noticeable than us walking to the fridge to get something.”

“Alright you two, lose it. We’re going to the roof and you two need to play nice until then, and if you don’t I’ll call Rosie and Goona back to share this all with me instead.” She notices Marcia’s pout and stops in her tracks, folding her hands over her chest. The caterers whir around them, stopping only once to offer them a tray of tiny, stupidly perfect strawberry shortcakes. Marcia takes two, thanks the waitress entirely too much to be subtle, and Jan grabs hold of her arm before she can say anything else.

The girls are a giggling mess as they weave through the crowd, filling their hands with desserts and waving to the crowd of people that have come to celebrate Marcia’s big day. It’s mostly adults now; her friends had come and gone, leaving for their own parties or dinner reservations while Marcia knew hers would last well into the night. It’s not as if their mother never throws parties, they’d just had a little dinner party for some charity last week. But this? This big life event, the high school graduation of her last baby? She’d really called out all of the stops for this, and although a portion of it all is certainly aimed toward showing off a little bit, Marcia truly is grateful for it all.

However, with Lemon stacking a plate high with three slices of cake and Jan stopping to chat with their incessantly chatty and passive aggressively homophobic uncle, she wants desperately to power her way through the crowd to the safety of the roof.

[sockeye-run]

tired tired tired tired tired

Requested an extra day off this week because my husband's best friend and his family are visiting from San Antonio. Usually we go see them, since they have more room to spare, but they decided to come out to the country and look at cows and trains I guess lol. It's an important visit though because it's likely the last time we will see them in person for many years; his friend moved up a rank and is being promoted but also moved because of it. This is my husband's ONLY friend, and he's terribly depressed about it. San Antonio was already pretty far for a visit, but he could end up virtually anywhere now. Anyway, Idk how we're going to host them all, we can barely host the kids when they visit. But my husband seems unconcerned. My problem is that I have it ingrained in my behavior to be welcoming and accommodating to guests and I'm going to feel like an asshole because I am physically and mentally exhausted, and our busiest pick up weekend is this weekend so I won't even be around most of their visit. I'm hoping to use the extra day off to clean the house as much as humanly possible and prepare it with some creature comforts for their stay. We just got rid of our couches and have no replacements (there are actual camping chairs in our tiny ass living room rn), and their poor kids have to sleep on cots. The least I can do is provide coffee and snacks lol. I'll have our only car at work all weekend so if they want to adventure out into town to look at racist antique shops (seriously I cannot even express how common it is to find straight up n*zi memorabilia in shops here), they're going to have to squeeze into his friend's small car together. Thank God we at least have AC and WIFI and a community pool lol. It's basically camping here. Hopefully at the very least the weather will turn out nice.

I felt so guilty about asking for an extra day off this week during our busiest time of year, I had a very active stress dream about having to sleep at work but still waking up late lol. Nevermind that I requested time during our slowest part of the week, and while I don't have to run the kitchen as well as support retail because the actual kitchen manager took a week and a half off for her own vacation knowing full well how insanely busy we are right now. At least I don't have a cake order on top of it all? For now. 🤞

I can't remember if I've mentioned it or not but the party order went well. We were, of course, crazy busy on Saturday, hosting a boy scout troop as well as the average nice weather weekend customers and tipsy meadery attendants. The meadery was so busy that there wasn't enough seating for everyone, and despite having planned this party for over two weeks and the fact that oh idk the meadery is on farm property so like everything including the meadery is farm property and they don't get to veto farm activities for their own last minute needs, I got griped at by the meadery manager because she didn't know that there was a party reservation that had nothing to do with her and didn't take away any meadery space but instead took all of the cafe space but she was pissed that her shit wasn't my priority?? Ugh. I really do get it; we're all high stress and stretching ourselves thinner than dick skin to make ends meet and fulfill as much service as possible in these chaotic times, but I don't deserve to be humiliated in front of a customer because you're not handling the stress of your unexpected success very well.

But the party guest loved the cakes, and the lady even hugged me when she saw it lol. Felt very validating plus I've never been hugged by a customer before so that was sweet. I have to sit the kitchen manager and our owner down for a meeting and let them know that I am %100 down for fulfilling custom catering requests for guests, but only when it is actually doable and sustainable and if I can complete it in a sane and logical way. I had to spend a lot of my free time preparing for this order, and I was expecting to run the kitchen as well as support retail during a busy pick up season while balancing this experimental order on my nose like a circus seal. I need two actual full uninterrupted 8 hour shifts, back-to-back, to successfully do something like this. The farm is doing very well in all aspects this year; bee sales, agritourism, social media interest and interaction, etc. But that is sadly the problem. Our owners aren't willing to hire the help we need to provide the experiences we offer, so we're all trying to multiply our bodies and get five things done at once. For less than a livable wage lol. My husband is stressing bc politicians are trying to cut VA funding again, which could lead to us taking a serious financial hit which we may never recover from. So now every chance he gets, he's lecturing me about standing up for my rights as a worker and demanding better pay with better boundaries and I'm just like damn if I even manage to survive this season I doubt I'm going to jeopardize what little income I have and a job I actually care about for my personal rights nawattameen? There's just no winning here for me.

So anyway it's Monday again lol good luck I guess.

[mocha-tapioca]

behold, my thoughts on the hirogaru sky leaks and cures and all that good stuff THERE WILL ABSOLUTELY BE SPOILERS UTC JUST TO CLARIFY

we need to address how the shows name is a pun on "hero girl" like that is absolutely sick to me

blue lead, which is definitely a first!! i don't dislike it necessarily, it fits well with the theme + im excited to see where they go with this, but it would also sorta stick out like a sore thumb among the other leads of the franchise who are mainly pink

main girl sora!! her personality is fine to me, we have our standard upbeat lead, but this is also the first lead to not come from earth, which is pretty cool. the fact that she wants to be a superhero is a nice tie-in to the show's name, with her name meaning sky in japanese so it reads like "hero girl sky" which is so adorable to me <33 her civilian design is pretty cute, i really like her fit tbh!! her bangs are,, a yikes from me tbh

mashiro!! i find it interesting that she's a white cure with a pink subcolor, reminds me of kanade from suite tbh. i think she's a total sweetheart btw her relationship w her grandma is giving me honoka vibes. civilian design-wise is also fairly standard (im trying so hard not to be biased here bc her outfit is so similar to what i usually wear), her hair reminds me of a mix of yui's and that one pink girl from kiratto pri chan. in terms of her cure prism design i absolutely love it and idk why???? like the space-themed skirt with white layers of fabric on top is GORGEOUS and the heart earrings paired with the bow?? mwah mwah this is a design that caters to me too much for its own good

these two are absolutely a duo they basically have each other's shoes they were advertised together.

as for the pink and orange cures, my guess is that they're mid-season as sky and prism are most definitely a duo like lovely and princess were. im neutral on pink, aside from the ruffles on her top her design isn't really much to me, but she's giving me the vibes of a total diva and if she's gonna be like sumire from liella im here for it <33 im sorry im going to be an apologist for everything she does this bitch does no wrong. with orange, i'm glad that we're getting another one but nothing really stands out to me about their design either besides the jaunty little top hat that's so undeniably funny to me. also that kid aint cis i am so undeniably sure of it that kid is the phantom thief of genders calling it like rn

apparently the show is also focusing around idols so if i don't get bangers for endings i WILL sob forever

literally why did we have to get another baby that becomes a cure. ITS GOTTEN OLD TOEI YOU'VE DONE THIS LIKE FIVE TIMES NOW. STOP PLEASE I BEG. her design is fine, i have never seen a baby with hair that long, but it's fine. i literally have no opinions on this baby besides we don't need any more babies. we have had multiple please stop the only time u peaked w these was with felice

pretty cure please give us a consistent plot and a good show this time around. delipa is a fun watch but the show is also kind of a mess and literally every other character gets more development than the main character

[troph4eum]

ik its been a while since I've posted anything. that's my fault I get distracted easily and forget things. recently I've been feeling insanely misunderstood. it's become a craving to have someone understand me. to hear what I say and know what it means without me having to explain it 12 different ways. I'm not good with words. I have a good vocabulary I'm just not good at picking them. maybe the words for what I feel don't exist yet. I wish we lived in a world where neurodivergency wasnt looked at as a disability but just a difference.

idk. everything in life seems cater to people who arent like me. idk if there is rlly anyone like me. I don't relate to anyone that much. no one's into the same things as I am. and if they are its never as much as I am. no one goes through the kind of problems I go through. not because I'm going through something unimaginably bad. it's just so unique and I've never even heard of anyone dealing with these issues the same way I am. maybe I'm just treating my limited knowledge of things people feel as absolute fact. there's probably someone on here rn feeling the same way I do and talking about it. we both just don't know it. and we'll probably never meet.

idk I just hate being the way I am. if I could be like everyone else I would do it. even though I love being different a lot of the time I realize the more unique you are the less people understand you. I relate to gojo bc of this. not bc I'm so far above ppl that I can't relate to them and they can't relate to me. it's not like that at all. it's just that need to be understood for who I am not for what people think about me.

it makes me reconsider the idea of trophaeum. if I reach this pinnacle that won't make other people understand me. my inner balance won't change that no one gets what I'm saying and I can't express my thoughts in words because the words I need don't exist. all I can do is get progressively more frustrated with the people around me until I do something destructive. I think my dog understands me. he empathizes with me more than people do. I love him he's my best friend. it just sucks because I know he's not going to be around forever. it's like being a parent who outlives their kid. its a sad thought. that the life you raised from such a small age doesn't get to succeed you and carry on into it's own.

I've been thinking about death a lot recently. the idea becomes more appealing over time. maybe I've already lost my mind. I thought I was losing it earlier but maybe I'm already gone. sometimes I feel like a husk. like a nobody. I always really enjoyed roxas' character even though I've never played 358/2 days of kh2. I watch plot synopsis' and playthroughs though. he's such a complex character in comparison to others like sora. his fight for individuality is really moving.

back to being understood and understanding others I think about the human instrumentality project a lot. I realized that I couldn't understand shinjis actions for a lot of evangelion because not only am I not in that situation but I'm also not him. my brain isn't the same. the way we process different events is completely different. and that's why it's basically impossible for people to understand eachother. unless you find someone who's just like you. which is highly unlikely. but that's what the project is for. the third impact. the merger of all humans into one collective consciousness seems like the only way for people to understand eachother. but at the same time I think things like bigotry and the lack of value placed in empathy is what's really causing this. maybe we can't understand eachother because we don't live in a world that promotes understanding. if you're not like everyone else you're seen as a failure. a waste. someone who's not even worth the air they breathe everyday much less all the resources they take up by existing. I guess all problems do source back to supremacy and capitalism. but what can I do about it. propaganda has shut down most talk of anti capitalism and whenever the idea gains popularity the people speaking about it get assassinated so there's no chance for any sort of success. maybe this world just wasn't meant for people like me. and that just makes the idea of death that much more enticing. but ig I can ride this life out for at least a little bit longer. just to see what happens.

[yippieitsarvensart]

OK OK SO !!! HCS FIRST 👇👇

both the tweels > bpd, autistic. also partially blind in both eyes and wear contacts (morays have shit eyesight), their vision gets shittier the lighter the ambient, + they have shit balance but are pretty fast. they have long hair shaved on both sides, are black w/ vitiligo, notable on their face on the same side of their black hair strand (stolen hc), and have freckles with their merform's colors. oh and their gills never go out so they can breathe underwater + their ears are that shape i drew on floyd always, bc the potion cant take those things away. they have some scars from brawls in the ocean. in my head they also purr. AND theyre both transfem. to me. (they use any prns but mostly he/she) + theyre every gender under the sun & bissexual/panssexual, they date everyone regardless of gender

floyd specific > adhd. gets overwhelmed pretty easily and his meltdowns consist of him whining and crying and breaking stuff and wanting attention. can understand tone when hes in a good mood only + has super control of his tone & voice, not masking just very good w it. he can toletare tight clothing but as long as its 1 item, prefers large ones. also he likes enclosed spaces and needs stimulation 24/7, never stops never stills, either has music or is fidgeting. special interest is fashion (mostly shoes) :3c

jade specific > slight ocd. its not that big but its there. hard to get overwhelmed but when he does he breaks and throws everything around him, even people. has more difficulty w tone and his face + voice is almost always stuck in that customer service one, poor guy. absolutely LOVES tight clothing and tight spaces. hes not very hyperative hes just chillin most of the time. vibrating slightly sometimes when hes vv happy. special interest is mushrooms ofc!

bonus riddle > bdp, autistic, ocd. also has depression & anxiety. uses he/she and is transfem bigender sapphilean (mlm wlw) ! the white strand you comented abt on my art (thank you sm for the kind comments btw <33) is a hc that i have about the after effects of chap 6. she ended up having that white strand and cant seem to get it out no matter what... has dyed it before but gave up eventually. anyways she has chronic pain on her wrists bc of writing so much! i also hc that his overblot left burn scars on his arms, legs & face. in the begginings of nrc time he had an ED, but after his 3rd year he was very recovered and is now pudgy. her special interests are books & hedgehogs :D

(+ i can talk abt silver & sebek if you want :3c)

ANYWAYSS, jchshjds riddle is so silly hes so unaware of social clues poor guy..... its so funny that hes the only one out of the loop there. but they work it out eventually....

honestly im convinced sebek would try asking him on a date and riddle would accept but he would know it was a date. and this happened for a long time. until riddle told trey & cater about him, sebek and silver hanging out and they were like "riddle.... thats a date.... you guys are doing things boyfriends do" and hes all "we are What." jdjwndjsn

I DO HAVE TIME give me some ingredients (ideas) and i'll cook (write) . bc unfortunelly i am not so big on ideas rn 😔😔

also THE IMAGE ?!!??!(($!? HGJDHS ive saved it its so silbekrid....

I was literally looking at this in the morning while eating breakfast like "I'll respond to this after I eat" Now, 7:30pm, I start writing out a response. smh.

YOU LITERALLY HAVE THE CREATIVEST MIND EVER?? THE REALEST THOUGHTS IN THE GALAXY???

I have actually mentioned before that I also think the twins have shit eyesight and how I think it goes down is like; ONLY JADE uses contacts, Floyd finds the idea of putting those things ON YOUR EYEBALLS is like actually disgusting he would rather DIE. So he- Like Jade -Has prescription glasses, but he never uses them unless he's in his own room and wants to actually see clearly. Azul insists he wears them while working in the lounge because he doesn't need Floyd tripping over and breaking things, it would be annoying to clean up after him. (translated: I really don't want you to get hurt please wear ur glasses so I can stop worrying about you) I don't actually have hcs for the twins' sexualities n' genders but I feel like they're so nonbinary spectrum 2 me... and also bi/pan is so real 2me now thhank you... Tweels purring real... idc if eels can't actually purr they can now... The separate-specific hcs I agree with it all, very very super real

YES go ahead and talk about the other two as well I love your massive awesome brain it's so full of things and I need to study you under a microscope methinks... I love love love Silver especially, he's one of the characters that when I hadn't played twst yet he caught my eyeee and I was like !!!! :OOO pretty boy alert!! Although with Sebs it took a little longer, I've only just recently started liking him a lot more but with the help of hcs and deep diving into lore I have quickly warmed up to his character... Love the boy Love him <33

and Riddllleeee... ohhh Riddle <3333 I'm #FallingInLove for real (take this part as inspo for a fic if you want boo, I can write prompts all day) Riddle just being so confused when caycay n' Trey tell her he's been going on dates this whole time. Like why didn't I get told about this. Have we been dating this entire time and I didn't know. And then she has a crisis and freaks out about it because "what if Sebek and Silver didn't know either and they are literally just my friends and they see me as a friend-" and all these 'what if's' go through his head and it makes him go. coo-coo. So he's extra irritable, too many heads are rolling once again, and she's trying extra hard to avoid/ignore/turn down any of Sebek's and Silver's offers to hang out BECAUSE SHE JUST FEELS SO AWFUL ABOUT IT like they really. REALLY need to talk it out. SebeSil go to someone else (can't think of any1 rn, maybe lilia?) to ask for advice on what to do... AUUGHHH then idk 1000 words later they k-k-kiss and make up (like the song. aha)

[dumpspacefornotes]

March 2023

Reflection on past jobs:

-Enjoy focusing on the task at hand and not having too much overstimulation

-Working at a computer might be a good path because of the ability to work alone and from anywhere with wifi

-Working in a creative field where I’m in charge allows for personal focus

-Enjoy being paid for something that I can physically see the outcome

-Enjoy working one on one

-I don’t need to be 100% in love with it, I need to see the value it would bring to others/my own life and run with it

Ideas for future work:

1.Psychology masters degree to become a licensed therapist, work in research, work in schools/hospitals/private practice/etc.

4 years and 80K+ debt most likely

Job with benefits

Usually make 50-100K per year

I enjoy learning about it

I enjoy helping others

2. Part-time to eventual Full-time

*Graphic Designer -- Community college to freelance

*Photographer -- Work with friend/family to learn to freelance

What am I skilled in?

Organization

Problem solving

Patience

Caregiving

Childcare

Mental healthcare knowledge

Creative Thinking/Problem solving

How can I show my skills?

- Photography portfolio

- Art portfolio

- Music portfolio

- Writing portfolio

- Childcare portfolio

- Mental healthcare portfolio (comics, therapy journal, screenshot info, book info)

6. Who will my skills benefit?

- Creative people looking for things they also enjoy/inspiration

- People who want perspective

- People suffering with mental health issues to feel less alone/seen

-Because it’s the only thing that has truly filled me with a sense of being known and liking myself

-Because it’s fun

-Because doing other things is less enjoyable

-Because when I’m doing other things I’m thinking of doing art/music/writing/etc

-Because it is good enough

-Because fuck it

-Because I can look back at all the creative endeavors, rather than working for someone else

7. Journal questions

* Who do I want to help most in this world?

Animals, people with mental health conditions, children

* What is so unique to my personality that it naturally helps others?

Caregiving, creativity, desire to figure things out, desire to seek out wellness

*What jobs are these qualities associated with?

Mental healthcare, Childcare, Animalcare, Healthcare

Personal trainers, workshop facilitators, Vet techs, RNs/CNA, therapist, school psychologist, holistic medicine

8. What do you feel is stopping you?

I want to get these other things completed before I work on anything else

The other things being-

Organized into books:

- Notes

- Photos

- Physical items

Why are they so important?

It’s the work that I’ve been doing all throughout my 20’s - I want it to have a home to rest. To be seen. I don’t want it to stay in my phone, I want to be seen.

After you get those things done, what will you feel free to work on?

I don’t know - I feel like I'll only know after they’re done.

1. Lessons book

2. Photography book - chronological

3. Comics from art ideas

4. Folder of my singing and guitar

5. Childcare binder

6. Mental healthcare binder

7. Philosophy binder

And maybe trying to spend 2-3 hours OUTSIDE the house, trying to get these done, rather than at home.

Home can be where you workout, eat, relax

It can also be a place to get work done, but it might be better to try somewhere else if you can’t

Career Journal

11/05/2022

No teaching - no dealing with administrative bullshit, being underpaid, asked to work outside of contract hours, and cater to parents

Focus:

1. Being paid directly for the projects that I create

2. Creative freedom

3. Purposeful work that will directly benefit - animal care, childcare, adult-care (emotional support- grief book, life lessons, art made to make them feel better, ideas on how to use art therapy/music therapy/somatic therapy in daily life, yoga

10-30-22

Steps to becoming an art teacher

- Writing to school about why I want to enter into and why I would be a good candidate

- Portfolio of 10-20 pieces showing a variety of my work

- If possible, enter into some art galleries or shows to show involvement

- Create a better social media page to display

- Get involved in an art discussion board on discord or Reddit

- Comment on your favorite art pages and start becoming familiar

- How my love for mental health could be a valuable skill in a teaching environment - as well as background in childcare, improv, therapy and yoga

Aim:

-Work somewhere with benefits

-NYS certified to go wherever

-Co-workers and students that have similar interests

-Eventually go into art therapy in 5-10 years

——

Accepting where I’m at and working with it

One day at a time,

One moment at a time

Aim - instant messenger discord server - if you see me on feel free to message me

Or writing prompt style

10/28/2022

All the things I do for my sanity and income for the next 5-10years while

acquiring this degree:

1. Childcare: babysitting

2. Animal-care: pet sitting, pet walking

3. Yoga instructor: / TT / workshops

4. Artist: small business for holiday gifts

5. Photography small business for infant and pet photography and maybe some nature photos to sell to hotels/wherever

Main source of income/debt:

1. Work toward degree to become a certified mental health therapist over however many years it takes to do two classes a semester

2. Audit all art, philosophy and music classes possible

Bucket list:

1. Create a design and Apply to make a mural somewhere

2. Social media - artist: Comics about mental health and funny whatever and photography

3. Researcher/writer/publish findings as well as a memoir and grief journal

4. Post music that I write and perform that feels deeply meaningful or I’m proud of in general

5. Become as physically and mentally healthy through therapy, weight lifting, yoga, and developing friendships/strengthening relationships with family for my own peace of mind

Call MVP and ask about healthcare if you’ve made ___ this year -

start figuring out quickbooks and how to do all of these things legally and file taxes with it

08/01/2022

Investing time

in things I love to learn about

1. Art

2. Music

3. Writing

4. Philosophy

5. Psychology

6. Early childhood development and how the relation of genetics/support/culture supports how our personalities develop and more importantly adapt over time

Working on for the rest of my life:

Childcare provider, researcher, and childrens book writer

Artist working with watercolor, collage, mixed media painting, epoxy resin flowers, embroidery, recreating furniture, photography

Writer working on a series of children’s books, a mental health book geared for all ages, a short “what I think kids need to know and feel growing up”, a fiction book that's based on real life events; sort of an embellished memoir,

Photographer and Filmmaker working on a series of creative explorations of the vast differences in perception, morality, human emotion, birth/death

Singer and songwriter working only a truly enjoyable process, not to share necessarily

Main work that provides the money I require:

April 5

Part of me just wants to accept that I’m not good enough at anything, and the other part of me knows that isn’t true, but isn’t sure either what it is I'm going to do. I feel so confused. Math, science, literature/writing, art, sports/fitness, cooking, history, computers, animals, plants - none of it is interesting enough to go all the way with? Have a little faith in yourself at this point, or at 40, 50, 60, you’ll be feeling the same- why didn’t I just shut up and try?

I can’t do them all, and trying to just makes me shitty at a lot of things.

Time to get focused.

I’m constantly in awe, envious of, and desiring the path of an artist. But, I hardly make art anymore. But, I have been wildly depressed the last few years AND I have made a lot of art in that time- just nothing “good enough”

What would it be like to be consistent with art for hours a day?

What always comes up is- what about the real work? What is the real work I’m doing that

allows me to do the art?

What am I good at, have some sort of experience in, and won’t burn me out?

[earthangel]

very very happy bc yesterday i went to my therapy apptmt & he told me i ‘said some really interesting things’ & that i am ‘resilient’ & have developed ‘resilience & transformational skills’ & i’m a lil bit on a ego boots rn sjbwsj

more seriously, he also validated all of my feelings & the thoughts i’ve bene having about this last rship: like me realizing my ex had a pretty fatalistic mindset which destroyed chances of rship repair & connection through communication, realizing he stonewalled a lot, realizing he didn’t seek growth together as much as i did which is a big reason why the rship ended the way it ended & when it ended. like i was RIGHT. i was not too dramatic or too much or too intense, i was experiencing frustration that my partner wasn’t willing to build emotional intimacy w me!

he’s moving onto someone else & as i’ve told him, the same is going to happen, the exact same things. but now i truly don’t worry about it anymore, nor do i feel the need to prove that i was/am/will be right, bc i know that’s the case & the ppl around me know that’s the case, & that’s all that matters to me.

i don’t resent him as much as thought i would, simply bc that emotion has no future. i’m focusing on my own mindset, & the reason why i let the rship go on for as long as it did (which was definitely lack of emotional boundaries!)

i’ve been learning a LOT & i’ve also been imposing boundaries btwn me & him instead of catering to his feelings.

i’m so proud of myself. i’ve made a good choice when i decided to focus on my own personal growth & who i want to be as an individual & as a partner. the choices i’ve made ever since the breakup happened are showing me how much of an adult i am becoming. i’m so so proud of myself & i wish this same sense of self-fulfillment to anyone who’s reading.