#i am always willing to play with temporary notions

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Okay, so while aware!Roy and oblivious!Jamie isn’t necessarily my main hc for these two, never let it be said I’m not prepare to play around with notions for the funny hell of it. So when I saw the above-linked post by @roykentschesthair, I immediately started thinking about post-S3 Roy knowing that he’s attracted to Jamie, and knowing that Jamie is attracted to him as well.

Jamie knows neither of these things.

Eventually Roy starts to nurture the idea that maybe him and Jamie should act on their mutual attraction, just to, you know, see where it leads? Given that they’re already best friends and that they’re obviously very into each other physically (even if only one of them realizes it that at this point), getting together could well lead to something pretty amazing, yeah?

Only, there’s the fact that Roy is Jamie’s new gaffer and while there’s strictly speaking no rules about a coach dating his player, Roy strongly feels that it might be just a little bit iffy for him to proposition Jamie. Like he’d be taking advantage. Putting undue pressure on the lad. Now, if Jamie were to proposition Roy, however… Well. It’d still be iffy, but Roy can live with that.

Unfortunately Jamie is utterly clueless about being into men in general and into Roy in particular. Cue Roy trying, with mounting frustration and desperation, to rouse Jamie to the fact that he is in fact not just vaguely appreciative of the male form in a stricly professional manner. Attempts might include choosing certain films for their occassional movie nights and dropping less and less subtle comments during them, as well as increasingly suggestive exercises during the private training session they still do twice a week. Roy has, however, already been far too weird about those exercises, so nothing he throws at Jamie seems to faze him even a little, or lead to any revelations.

If it weren’t for the fact that she’s already been very clear on never wanting to mediate their bullshit, he’d ask Keeley to have a word with Jamie, bisexual to bisexual. Maybe he’ll even brave it, because he. can’t. do. this. for. much. longer.

In the meantime, Jamie is pleased as punch that Roy is giving him even more attention than before, and no, Isaac, of course it ain’t weird that he tied me up like that, it’s to strenghten my core, yeah? Felt dead good, too, you should try it.

(Bonus point if Jamie once the other shoe finally drops immediately goes to Colin for help on downloading Grindr and maybe taking him to a gay bar and act as wingman while Jamie explores this new side of himself. Colin looks up to meet Roy’s death stare across the dressing room, and immediately invents like a million excuses why he can’t, not tonight, and probably not tomorrow, or ever, actually, sorry, Jamie.)

[katyspersonal]

Happy (incoming) New Year!

It might look like a rush, but in my timezone, New Year only will arrive in as much as several hours. Like I noticed before, in my culture New Year is THE 'winter holiday to celebrate everything good and give warm wishes', not Christmas x)

Not going to lie though, this year has been a literal Hell for me from almost the very start. It is even sort of... hard to recall just how MUCH I've lost this year. Hopes, plans, peace, dreams, any sort of stability in the future, money, losing connections to being more trouble than I was worth, losing people to cold ruthless clutches of death - family members included, friends vanishing without a notion, health depleting... Past some point I started to feel personally cursed, even with the background of the tragedy of society- humanity, in general. I was cynically wondering - 'And what crucial thing will I lose this month?' as time went by. It felt like a sadistic game by a fate itself, to stripe me from literally everything that makes me a human being that I am, so when my inevitable death comes - it can't even count as a person dying... Only an empty husk resembling former self, that no longer can hope or believe. I cursed the whole world and decided I'll be the last one standing when 2023 arrives, even when everything and everyone around me is gone.

But now?

I realize that it is only some hours away from 2023, and yet, I miraculously didn't lose everything. I still live in this house, I still have my mom and my job. And most importantly... I still have my true friends, and just people dear for me.

All pain I went through this year was worth it, if that meant getting to say - 'I have people that saw me through everything and still stayed with me'. The previous New Year celebration I concluded - 'If you are not friends with someone anymore, it doesn't meant you never were', and now the same moral plays differently. Because, truly, in this awful and chaotic world, you can lose anything, anyone, anytime - only keeping warm memories of it. But in the end, the past can only give you so much. However, memories of TRUE, genuine friends are different. The people you chose to keep around and trust to and allow to influence you end up shaping you. Even after they are gone from your life, what you were shaped into by their presence lingers with you even after, helping you to face new challenges, helping you to be a better friend for new friends, after all! This sort of happiness is unique, even if that life takes away from you too.

So, honestly, guys; if you find TRUE friends that love you unconditionally and stay with you through your worst moments and want to UNDERSTAND you despite your differences and are ready to pay the consequences of their love for you and not target to change or fix you... Fucking HOLD onto them. This sort of true friends you cannot attract with 'good behavior', cannot buy with money, cannot earn with drawing things for them and with always giving your support to them, cannot 'deserve' by being a 'good' person, cannot even win by changing yourself entirely to cater to their tastes. With all your struggle and what you THINK can win you loyalty and true love, genuine friends are always and ultimately the gift of fate - for weak or strong, for good or bad. You do not question why you was gifted it, but you must cherish it. And never, ever, EVER trade them for any of the arbitrary and temporary values this world has to offer. Because nourishing and transforming your soul by the bonds that are WORTH it is what will get you all further.

And as this year ends, I do not have regrets, because I have the bonds that are WORTH it, and on every step I've made a right choice regarding what people to value. I've gained experience, and I do not feel alone - instead I feel like I can truly choose friends wisely now, and am free to explore and develop my true self. Pain is how you grow, and pain is worth it when you have people that are willing to see you overcome it.

(Well... and also this year I created drawings I loved, saw the red moon for the first time and helped people a lot on several occasions - things I will value too.)

Happy new year, and I hope that you guys likewise can say that this year you are stronger than the last one, and that you've made choices you are proud of. Friends or just acquaintances, thank you for making this terrible year worth it in the end: @val-of-the-north @saintmicolash @ako-sirin @heraldofcrow @fantomette22 @scrawnytreedemon @kyrdjava @bimbomcgee @bombur-sexy-bitch @tangerinethecat and... also Arrol that Tumblr doesn't let me tag, Kris and Masha that do not have Tumblr and @cuddlefish-fish and now deactivated @fishbowlcarnage - who just disappeared one day, but are very good memories that were crucial for my fandom experience, and I pray that they are fine and are in better place after leaving the internets, not worse one.

[furyfought]

abernathy is a small town, surely you’ve met AGATHA KLEIN ; they can be a little IRREVERENT & OPPORTUNISTIC but have no fear , the TWENTY SEVEN year old definitely makes up for it by being IMPISH & SENSITIVE . most of the time anyway .  they’re usually seen around KLEIN & ASSOCIATES, LLC , as a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY . you know, i hear they’re affiliated with the local mc, iron kings as an ATTORNEY . they’ve got this vibe of A HEART GROWN RAVENOUS, A CYANIDE CENTER ENCAPSULATED BY SACCHARINE FRUIT, AND A SOUL IN THE FORM OF A SCRIBBLE WITH FANGS going on , makes them easily recognizable.

loosely inspired by jennifer check (jennifer's body), wendy byrde (ozark), ginger fitzgerald (ginger snaps), elizabeth sloane (miss sloane), john silver (black sails), & BBHMM.

+ pinterest, stats.

hey, friends. i’m devin (or dev) & very tickled to be here. agatha’s a combination of two of my favorite muses, and i can only hope that you’ll love her as much as i do. 🤎

"𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄, 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐍𝐎. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓."

agatha’s story isn’t one that she likes to tell anymore. she feels it’s useless: to be defined by the actions of others, to attempt to battle the preconceived notions that run rampant regardless of what one says or does. she doesn’t want to beg for understanding anymore, or to claw her way from beneath the filth she’s made of her life. all that most know is all that she can bear to have known. the rest? it’s confetti; a meager concession in a game of chess. if you know her, is that a fact or a weapon to be used against her?

when it comes to the stories that can be told, however.. perhaps the most important is background. agatha’s an abernathy native: raised in grandiose park, flew the coop for college, only to settle back down in bordeaux apartments. klein & associates, llc. has been in her family for generations, each forefather serving increasingly questionable clients. agatha’s life, like that of many kleins before her, was already planned before she’d ever even been a thought in her parents’ minds. under her mother’s rule, there wasn’t any room for straying from that path. agatha would be smart; she would be clean; and she would be, without fail, someone. in other words, she would be her perfect replica. imagine the disappointment when agatha was anything but. 

agatha’s childhood can be summed up by three things: a door slammed shut in her face, an ear-piercing howl, and the chronic longing to go home — wherever that was. it’s another thing she doesn’t talk about, another thing she tries not to think about. those three things have followed her into adulthood, but they’ve taken different forms now. no longer is agatha a child screaming her throat raw — no; now, she cries out in other more productive ways. if you were to ask her, she’d tell you that she’s a woman grown; the past is behind her, buried in the sand where it belongs. the truth is trickier, less absolute. agatha is a child in the form of a woman; forever in the midst of a metamorphosis, unsure if for better or worse. she lacks foresight & lives largely in the now. she can’t imagine a future for herself and her choices in life reflect that.

agatha succeeds because she’s pretty, powerful, and convincing. wherever she falls short, her father is sure to more than make up for it. it’s amazing what people will do for the right price, and when they want to keep certain secrets from ever seeing the light. nepotism & immense privilege have done wonders for her, but she does.. actually work hard, too. she has an incredible memory & is really good at digging for more information & making her case. if she tells you that she’s going to do something, then she’s going to do it right no matter what. she’s dogged in that way, blinded to the outside world by her stubbornness. she works long hours & values her career above all else. she thinks it’s the only sure thing she has & views it as the one stable, secure thing in her life.

agatha is lonely to the point of defect. she lacks a sense of security in her life, which is why she’s so career-focused. she genuinely thinks that the only person ever looking out for her is her dad. she becomes very predictable once you realize that she will always pick the winning team; that she will forever follow the money; and that she is always going to make the decision that most benefits her. that isn’t to say that she doesn’t have any friends omg, but.. she doesn’t really trust easily. if she trusts you and considers you near and dear to her heart, then she’ll choose you. but until she has that reassurance? you’re on your own, bro. 

but like.. you literally would not know that unless you got burned by her. agatha is really good at listening and really good at playing parts for people. the thing with having no story is that she’s free to create her own. if you need a hero, she can be that. if you need a villain, she can definitely be that. she’s eerily good at getting chummy enough to make people think she’s close, only for them to realize.. they don’t actually know anything real about her? fun stuff. 

i think.. her entire life is a vie for power while also wanting to let go of that desire while also being afraid of what might happen if she were to let go of that desire. she’s not tht bad. she can play decent, be a guy’s guy. and she does come off tht way. it’s jus.. underneath there’s tht like .. tht rot tht she can’t scrub away. n it rears its ugly little head smtimes. but. :^) she can be cool n shoot the shit u kno.. heheh.

anyway.. lighter stuff<3 puts the gaslight and gatekeep in girlboss. talks just like her daddy, except for when she’s in the courtroom. egocentric without ever meaning to be. (spoiler: it’s a smoke screen.) she can, must, and will find a way to twist your words into something she can make sense of. believes in mixed drink supremacy. will absolutely smoke all of your weed + play dumb about hogging the blunt. plays dumb a lot actually, until it’s time to be smart. she’s touchy-feely, but freezes up whenever someone touches her. stares — a lot. can’t ever be the person to pick you up after a rough night out, because she’s likely there with you egging you on to do one more shot. every event is a tits out event / she has to be the most overdressed person in the convenience store at all times. can, must, and will be your unsolicited sugar momma. YOU SPIL-DBFDHFDJHBF LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG? energy. thinks everything is a competition because it is. if she loved you once then she loves you forever. thinks going 20 over the speed limit isn’t speeding, actually. a bit of an emotional anarchist. can’t actually take what she’ll dish out. teases u if she likes u. teases u if she doesn’t like u. doesn’t care abt the feud as long as she’s gettin’ tht shmoney. big fan of an emotional sucker punch. 

"𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋."  + below are some ideas open to any & all muses no matter the age, gender, affiliation, etc !

i’ve left how she got involved with the mc totally absent from this intro bc i was hoping to plot it out! i’d love it if someone wanted to be her “in”. could be they were a childhood friend in need of help, a client she got close to, jus smth tht happened by chance.. whtever we come up with works! <3

if anyone needs an evil ex gf .. She’s Here. she will lie, cheat, scam, trash yr car, empty yr bank account.. whtvr you need, baybee<3

conversely.. not-so-evil ex gf? agatha can be nice & caring without there being a catch sometimes. maybe they still talk. maybe they’re friends. u tell me.

fwb / ex fwb? she do be sending them ‘u up?’ texts. 

someone tht agatha only got close to bc she wanted them to testify/be a character witness in court oopz<3

omg actual friends pls.. ppl tht Know her. tht See her. ppl tht she cares abt n would actually do anything for. friends!!!!!!!!!!!!

agatha has “get off my lawn” energy so i think it would be very funnie if someone needed a place to crash n she let them stay at hers thinking it was temporary n then they jus.. did not leave. n she’s like 🤨 hello?

an almost smth? anything weird n awkward n unspoken tht maybe fizzled out or maybe still lingers under the surface?

agatha doesn’t have a budding drinking problem but if she does no she doesn’t but if she does then<3 drinking buddy? someone that she’s gotten into questionable shenanigans with? poor bartender tht has to deal w her trying to “help” them as she waits for her uber to come? the possibilities are endless.

agatha’s all bark n very little bite but i still think it’d be funnie if she had a hateship. jus putting tht out there<3

if yr muse wnts an ego boost via unrequited crush.. lmk. i’m willing to hulk smash all of agatha’s dignity jus for u.

omggg a dealer? >.> who said tht omg #hacked.. 

on n off again thingz? lorde wrote tht "i am my mother's child i'll love you til my breathing stops / i'll love you till you call the cops on me" line abt her</3

budding friendships!!!!!!! ppl tht she goes to pilates or yoga with; people she gets brunch with; ppl she keeps running into n its like heeey u :); little platonic crushes jus . all of the cute platonic thingz tht make her go wtf is this 🤨. 

i mean.. if anyone wants a sugar momma.. I MEANNN..

college friends!! law school friends!! ppl she met over the summer while interning somewhere!! i left tht purposely vague, hint-hint.

tinder dates gone wrong. ghosted tinder dates. tinder thingz.

agatha’s been attending galas / banquets / office partiez for ages now so if anyone wants to be her plus one or her lil fake date... :^) could be cute. cld be angsty. world is our oyster. 

speaking of which.. coworkers n maybe even a lil personal assistant would be so sexie.

[ashleyswrittenwords]

How to be a Queen [Part 25]

Summary: Princess Zelda is at a loss. Her handed royal responsibilities have begun to weigh heavily on her and she is eventually backed into a corner. Live a life she loathes or run away from everything she’s ever known? Navigating life is hard, and Link forces her to learn that she doesn’t have to do it alone.

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Part 1

How To Be A Queen

I’m afraid your apologies fall upon blind eyes. The fact that you were able to sneak three letters was a surprise in itself. Please do not believe you have the power to bring your queen to her knees by missing your imaginary quota. We have a mutual understanding of priorities.

Remember, your safety is my everything.

No matter how you prefer it not to be.

Days folded into weeks and I was tied fast to the rolling waves.  

The goddesses willed today to be kind. The skies were clear and though summer was coming to an end, the breeze that rustled the trees was still warm. Hyrule Castle’s grounds are expansive and stretch into densely wooded forests owned exclusively by the Crown. Birds chirped sweet songs from the tall branches alongside the distant hum of the royal apiaries.

I shrieked. A clank of metal cut through the peacefulness.

My thin blade raked against the ground before its little momentum made it favor one side and hit the clay lamely. The backside of my hand burned an angry red and I pressed my lips together to hold a curse. The attacker, who I tossed an evil glare at, laughed gutturally.

“Infirmi vehvi.”

The passing glance turned into a scowl. I straightened, shooting a pointed accusation at Urbosa. “I am not weak.”

The corner of her mouth hiked upward. She even bent down to grab my weapon for me, tossing it my way instead of handing it over. I let out a short gasp as my fumbling hands took hold of the hilt.

“Oh, you’ve been studying!” Urbosa clapped mockingly with her own blade. “A shame your swordplay doesn’t match your academia.”

The sword was heavy in my hand, almost weighty enough that I needed to use both arms. My biceps burned and breath didn’t come to me easily. I let the weapon droop, a particularly undignified stance. “Impa, I implore you to reconsider.”

A tea table with two petite chairs sat at the edge of the copse. It didn’t belong with the scenery and had been drug from the castle several weeks ago. Impa looked up, languish in her movements as she pulled down her spectacles – another quality to her that made her seem so much older than she was. Odd rocks acted as paperweights to hold down the documents before her.

“Certainly, Your Majesty,” she said, dryly. “Inform me of which physical activity you prefer.”

I almost whined. “None. This is counterintuitive.”

“And wasting away in your office is better? No, don’t say your bedchambers because I have caught you time and time against sneaking letters out in the middle of the night,” Urbosa leaned on one hip.

Honestly? Even when I stamped my foot on the dirt and made a child of myself in front of the royal guard, I couldn’t completely disagree. It was mid-August in central Hyrule and for weeks at a time I would go without seeing the sun. Urbosa and Impa had been scheming for this together; forcing me outdoors to play petty games and when I vehemently worked against them under the guise of productivity, they played a hand I hadn’t seen coming.

“Ah, well,” my advisor sat back in her garden chair, towards her work. “I ponder how I should word a castle report to General Forester now that our Queen has given up swordplay.”

“Impa!” I met Anju who nervously shrugged from across the table.

As much as I hated it, Link didn’t need another disappointment. No matter how inferior, especially as of late. The supply line had been established by the time any skirmishes began. Though, from the coming reports, it was a project that was started far too late. Our strength out bested Gerudo forces as they were largely unorganized – at first. The following battles showed their adaptiveness and exposed our own faults.

It seemed that no matter how fortified the supply line grew, there would always be an attempted attack. Seasoned travelers were growing rightfully paranoid and provisions couldn’t be sent in large quantities, which burdened both the army and Gerudo Town.

And worse, the usurper was gaining ground.

Refugees were pouring from the Gerudo capital and, to my horror, learned that they attacked groups with small children. In our correspondences, I had to plead with Link to force one of his admirals to send men to sponsor their treks. There wasn’t opposition in his letters, but the strain in sparing troops was evident.

If they take the capital, then it will give reason to fear they will be able to travel north, Link had written. Fierlin has already proposed to establish a temporary camp by the Great Plateau, but I can’t do that to them now. Not this early on.

By them he meant his admirals, his captains, his men. I understood why Whitehurst had stopped me one day in the halls, admitting something he would never tell his counterpart.

“If you ever doubt our choice,” he had said with an uncharacteristically sound smile. “Nathaniel spoke of him several times after he pushed for replacement hearings.”

Urbosa attempted to bait me into swinging blindly again by lightly touching her blade to mine. Instead of loosening myself to anticipate her attacks, I tensed at the threat of suffering another rude smack to my wrist. The sight made her reprimand me.

“Feet parted!” she shouted, swiping at my feet. I gave a pathetic hop out of an irrational fear that my ankles would be cut through. She would never do anything to hurt me and the action was mostly born of annoyance: I haven’t been the ideal student she had been hoping for.

“Truly, Urbosa.” My voice was shaking more than I needed it to. “This is very harsh on a beginner!”

“Forgive me, my Queen,” Urbosa said without a drop of sorrow. Then, she smiled with a measure of mischievous. “Although you did have the advantage of Hyrule’s most renowned swordsman as your knight attendant.”

“Renowned?” I yelped as her sword clashed against mine. She was holding back, I knew, but my arm wavered under the kickback. “I had no idea that standing beside a person warrants a personal gain of their skill.”

Her response was in Gerudo and I paused our circling to process the words. I had been studying the language during my downtime. Since the Gerudo aristocracy was being housed within the castle, there was no shortage of conversation partners. Some words I couldn’t make out yet the little I could made my face catch a rosy red beyond the sweat that caught my forehead.

“That is entirely unwarranted!”

I swung back against her sword with the strength she had been vying for. It made me curse myself when the pride in her face swelled. Urbosa harked out her triumph, “Translate your emotions into force. Even the most beautiful of desert flowers bare thorns.”

A strand of hair had loosened from my braid and in grew matted against my damp forehead. “Some find my words to be prickly, but my bite has no comparison.”

“Depending on your opponent,” Urbosa nodded as I mirrored her footwork. I was a little shaky, my feet stuttering to match her own while keeping in mind where her eyes were. “Words with a sharp tongue can strike deeper than any blade. However, I think we can both agree that action has more immediate results.”

Our sparring went on until my muscles trembled and the soles of my feet were sore. We weren’t alone either. The notion of a group of noblewomen seeking solitude amidst wartime was laughable at best, outright reckless at worse. The ten men that surrounded us were once apart of my father’s personnel, an inner circle of knights who were both experienced and battle hardened. They were at ease, much to my preference, taking turns scouting the area and sharing a basket of foodstuffs. At one point I had suggested they be allowed to join in the war effort but I was told that my general wouldn’t even entertain the notion when it presented itself.

Still, I did my best to converse with those within the King’s Guard (a name I hadn’t had the energy to bother with changing). They were typically older men with families of their own presiding within the capital; each a story of their own that I would think of in the night when news trickled in riddled with death and carnage.

The victories, despite being so sparse, hadn’t allowed me any reprieve. My whereabouts were a constant reminder of my privileges, luxuries I didn’t feel fit for. Guilt – or was it shame? – made a home in the back of my mind when I would yearn for more than what my power could afford. As with my materials, I was rich in company to dine with. Platters that would never grow scant and goblets that would never run dry.

My father, Impa, Urbosa, and an army of advisors were dazzled by my smiles and ability to save face in adversary. There would always be those against war and my court was not without; all I could do was take it in strides with each evening I entertained the court.

“Any news?” I said to Impa as I maintained a neutral expression. Courtiers twirled about the floor, most were newly returned from the summer harvests and ready to gain favor with their still-new Queen. Little factions of particular lords and ladies clung to the borders of the throne room, gossiping or scheming, I couldn’t tell. But, really, was there a difference?

It almost made me regret not socializing with these people in my youth. Not that Father would permit such free time.

Without turning my head, I heard her make a noise of acknowledgment. “Nothing of consequence, dear.”

Exhaustion was heavy in her murmur. The real question was if that exhaustion was born of current events and from me. I kept the inquiry on my tongue.

“If there is,” I kept my voice low. “Please send them to my room.”

She didn’t need to respond. I stood, acting indifferent to the hundreds of eyes watching me and made my own way to the door. The upside to power was the lack of need to request an exit. Outside the doors was a man of the Knight’s Guard taking leave of another who he was talking to. I nearly felt bad for abruptly ending their conversation.

The knight bowed to someone behind me and Urbosa made herself known in a formal Gerudo fitting; glittering gold that would look odd on anyone that wasn’t her.

“Do you need accompaniment?”

I didn’t need to downplay the tiredness in my movements for her. “No, enjoy the reveling without me. I know how much you like the festivities and all too well of our aristocratic visitor’s tendencies to celebrate nothing until dawn.”

There was a critical look in her eye before it fell to a degree of understanding. We bid one another an uneventful goodnight with a short hug and I made my way towards the spiraling staircases without a care if there was anyone following.

My rooms were a bit tidier than I had left them. The bed was made with fresh linen and my night dress was spread over the covers neatly. Silently, I thanked myself for having Anju teach me how to lace a front-facing corset and let the drapes of fabric fall around my feet. Not long after, I was between the covers already half-way into sleep.

My mind clung onto the little consciousness I had left and I began to feel as if I were missing something. I tensed, the attempt to fall asleep slightly dashed.

He’s not here, I told myself, he’s not here and there is nothing I can do in this moment nor the next. The thought swirled like a mantra, but even then the coldness of the pillow beside me left no aid. A silly notion to miss a moment you felt only once in your life.

Step… two-three. Step.. two-three. Step… two-three.

A waltz, or at least a whisper of one, danced through me and into the movements that were both mine and not. My recollection didn’t come from seeing but knowing that I was in the throne room. It was much different from tonight, emptied and desolate.

“Do I humor you?”

The man with striking eyes was here, the charm of before now replaced with an intimidating seriousness. I wanted to spit venom at this nightmare and tell him he hadn’t broken me after all, but just like last time I wasn’t here to do that. His gaze was glowering, heated with all intentions that dream me ignored.

We took a turn about the room. I tilted my head and blinked up at him, “Only in the ways you hate.”

The words were backed by the knowledge of who he was. Knowledge I desperately tried to learn as I searched his vague outline.

Who are you? Tell me.

There was little response to my utterance aside from the slight pressure on my waist, which only caused a smile to form on my lips – barely there at all. I was teasing.

The pressure disappeared instantly. “You have met him.”

I watched him carefully now, feeling suspicious of his tone.

“We will always meet.”

The man’s chest heaved in laughter. “Yes,” he harked, “Indeed we will, but that was not in the way you and I shall. Never in the manner that he dallies in. We have an… inclination to put aside petty discrepancies, wouldn’t you agree?”

Confusion soured me. It was odd to feel like a third wheel in a conversation I was meant to be partaking in. Words bubbled in my chest yet I seemed to decide otherwise. He made a sound.

“Alas, you need not to tell me. Your ways speak clear that the mortal walks in your steps. Worshipping you like the dog you’ve made him.”

“You have come to mock me. Nothing more? As my children starve under your thumb?” I scowled, itching to say more but biting down on my urge. Already, I had said to much.

“Oh, no, my love,” he spat, “I have come to sing you sweet songs of our future.”

Suddenly, I was taken by scenes from far places. The heat was stifling, so hot I could hardly breath under the blaring sun. There was commotion around me and noise of huffing horses as wagons of supplies were being carried away. A quick glance at myself in my night gown said that no one could see me when they walked passed.

I breathed in the dry air, turning when I heard a particular conversation.

“The transport cases are too heavy for the mules to pull at once.”

It came from a large tent, the opening flap fluttering in a breeze that was just as hot as the air around it. This was unmistakably the Gerudo Desert and my chest grew wanton at the thought of who was inside. The business around me toned down and I took my first steps towards the tent.

My breath rattled uneven in my chest as my thoughts were spoken without the shapes of my lips.

“Why are you showing me this?”

Soft dissuasions beat vaguely against my urge to continue on, but my newfound control of my body and piqued curiosity were overwhelming. I pushed back the tent opening to see a dimmer setting. Light filtered through the canvas and persisted enough to void the need for lanterns. A large table sat in the middle of the space, littered with books and loose papers. Unpacked boxes coincided with the miscellaneous items and at the table, bending over to speak, was a man in uniform.

However, I didn’t pay much attention to him. The one in the chair held me rapt. I was unable to feel the carpet under my feet as I walked further within the tent, not particularly caring about much else.

“Then let’s pull them one by one.”

He was seated with his back to me and now I could make out the unmistakable wheat-blond hair. The man, officer, he spoke to sagged slightly in posture. “But, sir, by then-”

“Burn them,” my general said chastely, “Unless you plan to leave them as a gift to the our Gerudo friends, we either take our supplies with us or burn it. I have no intention of assisting in even the smallest stick of firewood. Is that clear, Captain?”

The tone he employed was foreign to me. Link sat up, looking at him where I could a glimpse of his side profile. My heart ached in a way I hadn’t expected. The man gave a silent sigh.

“Yes sir.”

Without another word, the captain stood straight and walked by me without an ounce of awareness. I swallowed, watching Link lean over what he was working on. Warily, I approached him and studied the way his appearance had changed.

How many months has it been already? Four, almost five months since his departure.

More importantly, how was this possible?

His hair was hardly tamed and seemed to had been shorn with a blunt tool – probably a knife. Ruminants from the vast sands clung from his cheeks to his hands, a testament to his time out here. It was obvious that he wasn’t happy and studied the pages of a book with heavy eyes that hadn’t closed for sleep in far longer than I cared to examine. One of his hands thumbed the next page while the other braced the side of his face as he slumped over the table, a straight seat long abandoned after the captain left.

Link looked far older than he was.

I watched his eyes skim the words and whispered uselessly, “I wish I could help you.”

Blue eyes wandered astray in my direction. I thought they would see right through me as all the others but instead…

“Zelda?”

A breath caught in my throat as his expression of distress morphed from shock to disbelief to a certain relief. “Goddess, Zelda… what are you… what are you doing here?”

Link stood to his full height, clad in uniform and every emotion flashing over him.

“This is a dream,” I immediately said, staggering back. His confusion followed me.

“What do you mean?”

He began taking steps toward me.

“This is a dream,” I repeated, this time more persistent.

It barely occurred to me that we weren’t in the tent anymore. We weren’t anywhere. Link didn’t seem to care. He smiled, reaching towards me.

“I don’t understand,” he shook his head. “I don’t understand, but I don’t have to. I missed you, Zelda. More than anything.”

Link’s eyes held an adoration that I had always yearned for… and yet it was out of place. His hands shook as they closed around my shoulders. “I thought about you every night, Zelda. I crave only you and your light. Your love and pity. I have prayed for a moment like this and here you are!”

“Link-”

“Don’t you get it?” his volume raised sharply. “I do this all for you. I slave for you, I plead for you, I kill for you!”

Then a sickening wet sound cut through his speech. He looked down first and I followed to where his gaze stopped.

Red coated his uniform, staining the midnight blue darker around the tear. Protruding from his abdomen was a silver blade tinged in his blood. I think I might have screamed. He looked back up at me with blank eyes and made a choking sound. Link’s lips formed a word.

I wasn’t in a tent with my dying general. I wasn’t anywhere, but I could still see the image of him dying in my arms with overpouring blood running from his stomach. I wanted to scream. I wanted to sob. Only tears ran from my eyes as the man of my nightmares swung me through our dance.

“A reminder of what I’ve done in the past. A warning of what I’ll do in the future.”

 ---

I had awoken in a sheet of sweat and tears. My throat was scratchy from the sobs of my sleep and I didn’t move to begin my day immediately. I spent the early morning hours curled in a ball on my bed without the energy to cry more nor the exhaustion to fall back to slumber.

Anju found me staring into the shadows of my room and decided to fetch my breakfast from the kitchen for me. While she sat with me, stirring a cup of strong tea in her hands, I didn’t talk about my dream and allowed her to tell me all the silly rumors the castle maids push around. Gratefulness ebbed at me with every smile she pulled from my lips. I still don’t think I deserve her loyalty and friendship.

“Any decent ones about me?”

She took a long sip of her tea, rolling her eyes. “Some ladies of the court fancy a royal wedding. They don’t have much care for wars.”

I hummed my understanding and took my time spreading strawberry jam on toast. “Predictable. I don’t blame them for looking for distraction. I’m sure the bordering lands have heightened concerns with quartering troops.”

My maid paused. “Quartering troops?”

I blinked. It was a dream, I thought harshly. It was a dream and nothing more. Why am I scaring her by thinking it was true?

“I meant for the injured,” I mended hastily. “Transport isn’t so secure until you cross Lake Hylia and some feel more comfortable healing in the towns than traveling all the way here.”

“Ah,” she nodded, “I suppose they aren’t as patriotic as I thought. I get it, though, I would be uncomfortable by the idea too. You know how Kafei and my father feel about taking holiday away from here.”

I breathed a breath of relief.

The remainder of the morning went without a hitch. I hadn’t received any intel overnight and despite my increased pestering, my inbox lacked anything regarding the war to the southwest. It seemed that my mind had fled any sense of reason regarding the mythos of premonitions. I jumped at any counsel about the conflict or how Admiral Byron’s spies should proceed.

I frowned at the sound of another unsuccessful mission. “I want eyes on him.”

“We have been monitoring their encampments for months,” Byron gestured to the war room’s map. “All aspects of their movements are accurate to the square footage.”

Half of the admirals, including Whitehurst and Fierlin, had taken leave early this month while the other end of the cabinet returned to Hyrule Castle.

“That’s not what I meant,” I watched the short man carefully. “General Forester has written that the war prisoners regard him with a reverence of a king. Please recall to me one specification he has recalled for us.”

He rustled through his papers before coming upon one and folded his arms over it. “The one true King of the Gerudo, Your Majesty,” he exhaled, then looked at me with tired eyes. “He is nothing but a usurper, a traitor, of the aristocracy.”

“How am I to react when I have no description of this man? When our men only hear of him as this… fabled legend? I will not accept the prolonging of that,” I sighed. “Do you see where my plight is coming from, Admiral Byron? I realize you’re without a doubt an accomplished man and leader within my army, however this problem still pesters me.”

The man pressed his mouth into a fine line, looking down. “I do. Moving forward I will follow through with this issue and provide you with results. Though I assure you that this Ganondorf is only below you, I will unmask him all the same.”

I bent my head towards him with a smile. “You are will met, sir. Thank you.”

The meeting in the war room was productive and filled appropriate guidelines to send Link’s way. I was pleased to see a familiar face.

“Sir Elian!” I grinned when he approached me after the meeting. “What a pleasant surprise!”

The knight took a short bow with a muddied helmet cradled under the crook of his arm. He must have just arrived in time for the next set of deliverables. I had seen him every now and again lately; his visitations becoming scarce as the war drew on and more precautions were put into place on the road.

“Queen Zelda,” Elian acknowledged kindly. “It seems the news hadn’t arrived yet. I was recently handed down a promotion.”

A conservative smile graced him as he sat on his heels, making the extra stripe on his uniform more pronounced. I clapped my hands together at his bravado.

“My apologies, Captain,” I laughed and voiced my congratulations. He deserved it, after all. There weren’t many that are up to the task of supervising shipments in this climate. “I must attend to Lady Urbosa in the gardens, however you’re more than welcome to accompany me.”

“Why, I could never turn you down,” he acquiesced.

The path from the war room was winding if one wanted to go to the gardens and I was happy to have a companion. I learned from our conversation that the roads were steadily becoming less fraught with ambush but it did little to calm the nerves of anyone who travelled.

“The Rito are slowly warming up to the idea of aerial surveyance. Especially now that we’ve proven to uphold our trade agreements,” I told him. “Their ambassador and Lady Urbosa butt heads constantly during court. It hardly helps.”

Elian chuckled. “I wonder if the threat is the reason why they’re barely trying to thwart us.”

That made me turn to him with concern. “Do you think they monitor that?”

“If the walls have ears, I wonder how they use our secrets?”

I was about to ask him to elaborate when a strangled noise of a shout cut me off. The gardens were around the corner when we heard it.

“Where is she?” a voice boomed down the hall. “Relinquish me and tell me where she is!”

When I realized that Urbosa was shouting over the demanding voice, I gathered my skirts to avoid falling on my face and ignored Elian’s warnings. Once I rounded the corner I saw Lord Ibauna staring down Urbosa’s sword. Guards stood around them, unsure of what to do.

“What is the meaning of this?” I said about their shouting match. Ibauna twisted to me with eyes full of malice.

His fists clenched tightly. “It’s your fault! My brother is dead and it is your fault!”

Lord Ibauna began towards me with a heavy foot, fury red in his face and step. Elian blocked his path with a heavy pull of his sword from its sheath. Two guards wrangled him to a stop before he made it to us and made him kneel. One of the man looked up with question.

“Lady Urbosa?” I asked, looking between her and Ibauna with growing worry.

“He approached me in the gardens looking for you,” she sniffed in his direction, “I wouldn’t tell him where you were because I’ve heard tales of his insolence… then he began insulting your honor, Your Grace.”

“Because you are leading a losing war!” Ibauna yelled, struggling against his binds. “We’re being slaughtered. Don’t pretend, Princess! I have seen the reports and the dead eyes of my family. Give up the aristocracy to Ganondorf!”

I stared, words refusing to surface on my lips.

“Apologies, Your Majesty,” a guard said, pulling the lord harshly back to his feet. “We should lead him to the dungeons for his sharp tongue. At your word, of course.”

I pulled at my fingers and couldn’t look away from his anger. Thankfully, my voice found me. “Who is it you speak of? How do you know that name?”

Lord Ibauna seemed to sober up and watched me with suspicion. “Consider it, Zelda. The very basis of this war is within an area that does not affect us. Send the aristocracy back and let them handle their own mess.”

I considered him coldly and nodded at the guards. He struggled against their hold, “I know who you are, girl! You’re meant to be a goddess among men yet you lead us towards tyranny and death!”

His screams haunted down the hall and I startled when Urbosa sheathed her sword. She gave me a look of concern.

“I suppose our teatime is cancelled?”

“Yes, I – um – I feel a little faint and I should retire,” I said, frowning. My mind worked through his words and felt a feeling I hadn’t since I was a girl. An impossible responsibility setting itself on my shoulders. A crown too heavy to bear. I turned to Elian, “I have another message for you if you wouldn’t mind.”

How did he know that name? The same way Link had learned of it?

Lord Ibauna came from money nearly older than the Crown. His silver spoon kept him from any type of military service that may be passed to an ordinary man. Very much like his family, he sought to gain favor in court circles through ways of blackmail and empty promises; a prime example was his attempted seduction of me at the ball. Everything he did was a double edged sword and when his first plan is rejected, another more devious execution settles into place – that being my subsequent judgement from my father.

The only regret I have now was not wearing more rings on my fingers when I hit him.

My hands were shaking when I reached my quarters. Despite my reassurances that I was fine, both the captain and Urbosa followed me. I asked them to wait outside as I scrambled through my desk drawers for my ink pot and pen.

I was going to write to Link to go through with moving resources back behind our lines. If he didn’t want to transition his men there immediately, fine, but I wasn’t about to let pride put anyone at risk. He wasn’t going to be happy… though there would be a good chance he would understand.

A flash of yellow out of the corner of my eye made me freeze. My desk was cluttered already but the yellow yarn was unmistakable. I forced myself to look at the black button eyes and the mouth the formed a slight frown. My mind tried to process when I had taken it from my drawers. Surely, I hadn’t forgotten. In reality, I had gone out of my way not to see it at all and briefly contemplated discarding it. I rose to my feet and swallowed my nerves, almost completely collected when I saw what the doll laid upon.

An envelope, sealed by red wax, was positioned on the side of my desk. It was in a place I knew for certain had been empty this morning.

Tentatively, I skipped the letter opener and ripped an opening with my hands. The doll fell to the floor. My movements were frantic, shaking, as I scanned the words within.

Someone had broken into the castle to place this in my room.

Someone had access to this wing of the grounds and placed this in my room.

Someone had been in my room.

With my introduction having been made, I patiently await yours.

Ganondorf, King of the Gerudo

[dustedmagazine]

Punk’d History, Vol. II: Catamites and Junkies, Rockers and Runts

As a word and a set of behavioral possibilities, “punk” has always circulated with anxious, negative intensity. Since its entrance into the vernaculars of English, the word punk has acquired a wide semantic range, seemingly always dancing on the borders of excitement and abjection.  

Contemporary mass culture seems to understand the term differently. There’s an established referent, with a sort of regalia and a standardized affect: mohawks, spiked leather jackets and Doc Martens; angry, snotty and at least a little bit fucked up (and likely a lot more than a little). There’s an oft-noted irony in that: a subculture so focused on anarchy (albeit a superficial, sloganeering form of it) and on rebelliousness (more often in symbolic, gestural forms, than in organized political action) acquires a compulsory style, a uniform. In the mass cultural imaginary, “punk” most often conjures the image of a UK82 band, and “a punk” most often looks and behaves like Wattie Buchan. (A future entry of Punk’d History will consider why that should be.)  

As a sort of counter-measure, we might examine the term’s symbolic history. The list of meanings and examples below is woefully inadequate and partial—any number of meanings and especially significant iterations (in figures, songs and aesthetic manifestations) are missing.* That’s the point. In spite of our habits of language, punk doesn’t want to be contained. Punk is a kick in the teeth, and its myriad traces can be encountered in the innumerable fragments.  

Punk, a prostitute: this oldest traceable usage enters the language in the late 16th century. Shakespeare provides an excellent example in Measure for Measure (1623): in Act V, Lucio observes of Mariana, “She may be a punk; for many of them are neither maid, widow, nor wife.” This suggests that in Elizabethan England there were only four thinkable conditions for women not in nunneries—but that’s a different history of containment. In any case, it’s interesting to note that English’s rendition of “punk” starts here, with sex work and its fraught relation to appetites. It gives word to a form of labor, and to desires that evade and exceed the policing of institutions, like marriage and the church.  

So what do we do with this?

It’s Dee Dee’s song, and he had first-hand experience hustling in Manhattan’s Loop. But Dee Dee doesn’t issue musical memoir: he gives us a character, a vet back from Nam, damaged and pissed. His come-on is a confrontational hyper-masculine dare. The desire moving through the song is complex: the need to fuck, which is economically driven (“trying to turn a trick”); the need to fuck, which is denied (“You’re the one they never pick”); the violent attempts to recuperate the queerness (“no more of your fairy stories,” “I’m no sissy”). The song de-mystifies any romantic notions of sex work, even as it dramatizes familiar anti-institutional tropes (the pyscho vet, the fugitive, the oppressive forces of Law and Capital). All of that begs the question of where we locate our more current notion of “punk” in relation to this deepest of historical senses for its proper referent.  

Punk, a catamite: a related sexualized meaning, which is both more precise and more complex. It enters the language in the late 17th century, traceable to an anonymous broadside, “Womens Complaint to Venus” (1698): “The Beaus too… / At night make a punk / Of him that’s first drunk.” The poem was satiric, registering public worries about the increased visibility of queer sexual identity and practices in London. While the poem evinces unfortunate attitudes toward queerness, the stanza usefully points to the exclusively male sense of this usage, and its implication that the punk is made a bottom unintentionally or by force. A more recent, more specific extension of this usage is present in Alexander Berkman’s Prison Memoir of an Anarchist (1912): “A punk’s a boy that’ll…give himself to a man.” Berkman was friend and lover of Emma Goldman, and in 1892 he attempted the assassination of Henry Clay Frick; Berkman was caught and jailed in Pennsylvania Western Penitentiary, where he observed the prison’s extensive sexual economy, of willing partnerships, temporary relations of mutual benefit and rape. Punks in this sense occupy a range of positions, from consensual bottoms to victims of (frequently repeated) sexual assault. (This association with carceral power may have something to do with the usage of “punk” in modern American black culture, but that’s an even more complicated history.)  

The political meaning of being “at the bottom” frequently get confused with being a bottom, and contemporary punk has participated in the confusion:

Frank Discussion, front man for the Feederz and long-time practitioner of detournment, has repeatedly explained that the song’s discourse on submission isn’t meant to operate at the expense of queer sexualities—but the song’s easy appropriation of conventional ideas about marginal sexual practices seems way too easy. Of course, the Feederz aren’t the only punk and punk-related artists to present uncomfortably normative ideas about the politics of sexual submission, or about queer sexuality (I don’t really want to sully this essay by mentioning the Meatmen, but it seems necessary…). None of is meant to reduce punk’s attitudes toward queer sexualities as monolithically intolerant—that would be a stupid distortion. But the difficult, overlapping symbolic terrains of power, position and sex remain provoking.  

Punk, a petty thug, a despicable person of low or no account: this usage seems a lot less problematic, and enters the language in the late 19th century. Hemingway used it, in “The Mother of a Queen” (1933): the story’s Anglo agent accuses his profligate matador client, “You give fifty pesos to that punk and then offer me twenty when you owe me six hundred. I wouldn’t take a nickel from you.” Thomas Pynchon used it, too, in V. (1963): Benny Profane observes of the Playboys, a gang from Spanish Harlem, “There was nothing so special about the gang, punks are punks.” It’s interesting that both of those High Literary references invoke the specter of another social hierarchy: class difference. The idea of the person of “low or no account” can be accounted for through accounting—through the metric of money, or the lack of it: who can turn up his nose at twenty pesos, and who needs them to survive? Whose lives are relegated to tenement apartments and grinding struggle?  

So:

My aim is not to recruit the Tubes to punk—rather I want to foreground the lyrics’ engagement with “punk” as a sort of code for social class. In this usage, punk becomes a mobile quality, enacted by the lyric protagonist in his rich-kid malaise, which issues in a drug habit and the proposition that “the ghetto” and Pacific Heights are equally empty of value. In 1975, ahead of the international news media’s sudden and scandalous discovery of the Sex Pistols, the Tubes grafted “punk”—as a low-rent dalliance with cheap thrills and nasty influences—onto a glammed-up performance of exhausted excess: “Have to score when I get that rich white punk itch…” But in the Tubes’ rendition of punk, there’s always the parents’ chateau to retreat to.  

The suggestion of suspicions about glam rock’s adequacy as a discourse of resistance is insightful, so far as it goes. Glam in California was burdened by any number of problematic relations to postmodern industrial obsessions with surface value. Spandex, big hair, gratuitous pelvic undulations—in LA, the symbols circulated anxiously from the Sunset Strip to the Valley. Up north, things got a little thicker:

“You low down punk,” indeed. The Nuns’ performance is feral, a species of glam, of goth rocked up with a punk edge. This version of “Suicide Child” was recorded the night they opened for the Sex Pistols at Winterland—the Pistols’ last show. The Nuns’ set that night included songs like “Smoking Heroin,” “Child Molester” and “Decadent Jew.” Despicable songs, all. But “Suicide Child” stands out for its intensity. One wonders about their invocation of California’s cultural geography: “You went away / Back to LA.” Is that a retreat? A rejection? A response to the Tubes cynical punk slumming? Band founders Jeff Olener and Alejandro Escovedo (who went on to play with the excellent Rank and File) met in a film class at a San Francisco community college. A middle-class Jew and a son of Mexican immigrants—neither had money to “waste time at every school in LA.”  

By 1978, our current, dominant sense of “punk” had emerged, soaked in spit and covered in grime. Under the pressures exerted by class position and class struggle, punk’s petty thuggery has transformed into something else. Not a shallow guise of glamorous (but temporary) risk. But a sort of cultural armor. All of these valences of meaning remain, part of the resilience of that hardened surface and its livid, vivid way of being in the world.  

*Throughout I am indebted to the researchers and writers of the Oxford English Dictionary for their extensive work on “punk,” and to the Rohrbach Library at Kutztown University of Pennsylvania. 

Jonathan Shaw

[tenroxx98]

I’ve been doing some thinking...

“Every Answer Isn’t Simple: Seek and You Shall Find” (from my notebook this morning)

This came about from reflecting on some messages I had listened to recently as well as the format of my current history class. Several of my classes over the years have accepted a lack of participation in the aspect of dialogue, and over the years I gradually came to expect myself to not want/need to participate in discussion settings. Those who know me, know I generally try no to talk too much; I genuinely enjoy just listening. That's not always the role I'm supposed to play in every conversation, however, which (thankfully) leadership positions, some speaking opportunities, and most of all, my relationships have taught me, as has my current history class.

Our professor asks, and in doing so, enables, his students to think and find their own voice in our discussions. I hadn't realized, or more accurately, had to acknowledge, how much I had been trained via other classroom environments and even peer pressure to abstain from thinking on my own in many environments in which thoughts were supposed to be free-flowing rather than every train thought be directed by textbook facts that held no personal weight (which I may possibly also not have taken the time to read, but that was because of the latter).

With that context established, I hope you are able to gain some perspective on the thoughts I've written below and feel free to contribute your thoughts on it as well :) :

"Adding onto what I was writing last night, I had the realization this morning (i.e. the Holy Spirit said this to me this morning), “Not every question you’re asked [or you encounter] is going to have an “easy” answer”. And when I heard that, I received so much peace, consolation, but also CLARITY. Society insists on the notion there is an EASY solution to every question or dilemma but “NOTHING worth having comes easy”, especially not necessarily introspective, perspective-resetting, life-changing revelations [acknowledgments, affirmations]. I have gradually been seeing more beneath the surface into my framework [mentally and spiritually] and that insight from the H.S. this morning, and what He added just now, are both revealing to me the “why” behind my trepidation in the area of [specifically, verbal] communication [I really enjoy writing, if you couldn't tell]; it arises from [subconsciously] believing every solution “should be immediately evident, and if it’s not then "I don’t have anything to say" [nor should I try to find a way to contribute to conversation]. Insight comes from withIN, and sometimes it’s found a little deeper in your well [of knowledge and understanding of the "why" behind certain issues]. The question, though, is if I am willing to stick in there to draw it up and out [and speak]? And if I don’t “have anything”, where do I go to reconcile [resolve what only needs to remain] my present [temporary] lack of knowledge [shortsightedness in a specific area]?

“If you don’t do your own research, you find yourself [not knowing a lot of relevant information].” - Pastor Clyde Oliver (IOW there's a lot of information out there to consume and the only one who can go out and learn it for you (via reading, watching, conversations) is you. You have no idea how much there is to learn (about what you are blessed to be able to do well) until *you* go out of your way to endeavor to learn from what's already out there to be a resource to you).

Let the H.S. be your Teacher; let Him GUIDE you into ALL Truth [wisdom, practical knowledge]. It’s [wisdom’s] already in you because you have the mind of Christ, but HE knows when/how to apply it [best and appropriately; also, most effectively]. CORRECTion simply sets you back in the right direction, so we can’t afford to be complacent about taking some if it presents itself. Remain aware of where you’re at [spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, relationally]--and if it's presented in an unpleasant way, take the opportunity to learn how not to offer it to others.

If you see any area of your life not on par with the rest, don’t be discouraged—there IS a way back to re-achieving the balance we know is vital; some of those areas will consistently need more attention to bring up the other levels. Invest in yourself; get the guidance you need to walk in the right direction in your life.

If you know what you’ve got, then you will be so much more equipped to utilize it [and speak up].”

[fear-god-shun-evil]

Belief Isn’t Equal To True Faith in God – Christian Experience

Mentioning my belief in God, it was really God’s arrangement, wise and wonderful. I came to America in June of 2013, then I found several jobs of looking after the aged, who were all believers in Jesus. Later, with some things to deal with, I went to a church, where the pastor prayed for me and taught me how to pray. Seeing these people believing in the Lord were quite kind and loving, I then had a thought of believing in Jesus. Nevertheless, owing to the language barrier, I didn’t believe in the Lord formally all along.

One day in June, 2015, in an employment agency I knew a sister believing in God, who preached the gospel to me and also told me that everything we enjoy is from God and that all of us should believe in and worship God… From then on, she often called me and fellowshiped with me about belief in God. She said, “Now it is already the last days, and on the basis of the work of the Lord Jesus, God has done a stage of work of man’s salvation, which is the work of separating all according to their kind and also the work of bringing everything to a close. Don’t miss the opportunity again…” I had wanted to believe in Jesus, and what’s more, I heard so much from the sister, so I was willing to believe in Almighty God together with her, though I was still unable to have a complete comprehension.

When I first believed in God, the sister rang me up frequently, and let me read God’s word and attend meetings, with which I got very bored in my heart. I thought: Believing in God is just a belief. It is OK to go to church weekly. Like those who believe in Jesus in the church, time permitting, they will go, or, they won’t. Why is her faith in God so serious? How troublesome it is!

Afterward, I was arranged to have meetings along with several brothers and sisters, and I found that they had a better understanding of God’s word and knowledge of God than me. Therefore, I felt somewhat anxious in my heart and wanted, from that moment on, to take the meeting seriously and know more truth. At a meeting, I read these words of God, “There are some people whose belief has never been acknowledged in God’s heart. In other words, God does not recognize that these people are His followers, because God does not praise their belief. … They regard believing in God as some kind of amateur hobby, treating God merely as spiritual sustenance, so they don’t think it’s worth it to try and understand God’s disposition, or God’s essence. You could say that all that which corresponds to the true God has nothing to do with these people. They’re not interested, and they can’t be bothered to respond. This is because deep in their hearts there’s an intense voice that’s always telling them: God is invisible and untouchable, and God doesn’t exist. They believe that trying to understand this kind of God would not be worth their efforts; it would be fooling themselves. They just acknowledge God in words, and don’t take any real stand. They also don’t do anything in practical terms, thinking that they’re pretty clever. How does God look upon these people? He views them as non-believers” (“How to Know God’s Disposition and the Result of His Work” in Continuation of The Word Appears in the Flesh). After reading these words, I suddenly realized: My attitude toward belief in God was that I just regarded it as an amateur hobby. If I had time, I would read God’s word and attend meetings, otherwise I wouldn’t. Never have I considered how to know this God, what His disposition is, what His essence is, or why I believe in Him. As for these things, I haven’t thought them with concentrated attention. That I held onto such a viewpoint of belief in God is not acknowledged by God, who doesn’t acknowledge such belief and views such kind of people as non-believers. Suddenly I felt it was sad for people who believe in God but are to be treated as non-believers by God. Thereupon, I decided to give up one of my jobs, spare more time to attend meetings and listen to the fellowship and preaching about life entry. I’d better chase farther as soon as possible and should no longer see belief in God as an amateur hobby.

After that, I could take some time to have meetings and also spare time to read God’s word at home. The more I read God’s word, the more I felt that God’s words are exactly the truth, which is very practical and can correct my views on things. In the past, I was miserly, immersed myself in several hard jobs to earn money desperately, and always wanted to make more money. And, at my leisure, I could, without any inhibitions, travel during my holiday, and enjoy the superior material life. At that time, by reading God’s words, I knew that believing in God to gain life is the most important. So every weekend I spend money living in an inn for one night, so as to arrive upon the scene to listen to fellowship and preaching about life entry the next morning, and then continue to get together with brothers and sisters in the afternoon. And I would go back home in the evening. In this way, it takes one day to listen to the preaching and attend the meeting every week. I not only don’t make money, but spend money. Had it happened in the past, I would have felt anguished over my money. But then I understood some truth after I believed in God and felt it is worthwhile to spend the money as long as I could gain life. Like the words in Fellowship and Preaching About Life Entry, “You believe that making a lot money will make you live longer and bring you eternal life. This is a delusion…. Is it meaningful that you have a lot of money and enjoyment? How can it be compared with practicing the truth? The two are incomparable! God sees the people who practice the truth as precious.” (Fellowship and Preaching About Life Entry).

Soon, it was fast-forward to February 8, 2017, on which I took the driving test. That day, I prayed to God unceasingly in my heart: “O God! May you care and protect me, and let me be agile in the exam and pass it.” Yet in the end I failed it. Unconsciously I started to complain about God: How come there was no effect when I prayed? Why didn’t God let me pass it since I believe in Him? At night, I didn’t even want to pray, but I felt uncomfortable, so I made a perfunctory prayer.

After knowing about that, the sister responsible for watering me fellowshiped: Although the thing was incompatible with our notions, and God didn’t satisfy our fleshly desire according to our imaginations, inside which, however, there is God’s will, and we shouldn’t complain about and misunderstand Him. Then she read a passage of God’s words for me, “How many believe in Me only so I would heal them? How many believe in Me only so I would use My powers to drive unclean spirits out of their bodies? And how many believe in Me simply to receive peace and joy from Me? How many believe in Me only to demand from Me more material wealth, and how many believe in Me just to spend this life in safety and to be safe and sound in the world to come? How many believe in Me only to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven? How many believe in Me only for temporary comfort but do not seek to gain anything in the world to come? When I brought down My fury upon man and seized all the joy and peace he originally possessed, man became doubtful. … When I took away all that man had demanded from Me, then all disappeared without a trace. Therefore, I say that man has faith in Me because I give too much grace, and there is far too much to gain” (“What Do You Know of Faith?” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). After reading these words of God, in retrospect, since I believed in God, I regarded believing in God as a belief. Later I understood some truth and was willing to believe in God seriously, but my viewpoint of believing in God was impure, for I aimed at getting grace and blessings from God, and therefore I asked God to help me get through the driving test smoothly. Didn’t I use God to attain my purpose? How is this believing in God? It was obvious to take advantage of God. When God didn’t meet my desire, I began to blame Him and be even reluctant to pray to Him. God hopes that we can have confidence in Him whatever we encounter. Even if it is something not in line with our notions and imaginations, we won’t complain about God. However, I did nothing but misunderstand and complain about God. This was not a true believer in God. Having understood God’s will, when I took the driving test again, I didn’t ask Him to help me pass through it. I just prayed: “O God! This time, no matter whether I pass it or not, there is Your good purpose within. I am willing to seek the truth and know You, and never complain about You.”

Gradually, my viewpoints on both clinging to an amateur belief and gaining blessings changed a little. Previously, I would often realize I didn’t pray when it was time to go to bed, and then I just said a few words casually and slept; but now almost every night, before I go to bed, I first browse God’s words and the videos on the Internet sent by brothers and sisters, then pray to God piously, and sleep. Previously, after work hours, I would make the best use of my time to play games if necessary; but now whenever I am idle, I will, on YouTube or App, read the word of Almighty God, listen to the recitation of God’s word or read testimony article on experience of brothers and sisters, feeling grounded in mind. I used to pray for peace and blessings, and make a deal with God; but now I know that it was a manifestation of my unreasonableness and that a created being is not qualified to ask anything of God, so my prayers have been changed: I will pray to God and seek His will in the things that I encounter in my life, and let God help me do them according to His demands. These progresses above have been added to me by God. I have also realized that attending meetings and reading more words of God can really change people.

Once when I read the book of God’s words, I saw the following words “True faith in God means experiencing the words and work of God based on a belief that God holds sovereignty over all things. So you shall be freed of your corrupt disposition, shall fulfill the desire of God, and shall come to know God. Only through such a journey can you be said to believe in God” (“Preface” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). I understood that God’s work is to save mankind corrupted by Satan, and let mankind accept God’s judgment, have changes in our disposition and eventually live out the likeness of a true man. This can be said to be the true faith in God. Then to believe in God, we should not only remain changed in outward form, but also accept God’s judgment and chastisement, and pursue changes in our disposition. Although I wasn’t very clear about that, I also hoped that God could lead me to get rid of my corrupt satanic disposition, and finally I could become a person who truly believes in God, to be praised and saved by God.

After I had some knowledge of God’s work and knew God’s will of saving mankind, I became increasingly fond of attending meetings. Later, because the sister who watered me from the beginning was too busy, instead of her, another younger sister had meetings with me over the telephone. But a few times later, I always sensed that her fellowship was not so good as that of the former sister, so I began to find fault with her, one moment saying she didn’t send a message to contact me and the next searching for other excuses. In a word, I didn’t get along with her. Once we had made an appointment with each other to have the meeting at 9:00 in the morning, but the owner whom I worked for didn’t go out when it was at 9:00 a.m., whereupon I sent a message to the younger sister, telling her that I might be a little late for the meeting. When the owner left home at several minutes past nine, I rang the younger sister up. At that time, she was about to answer a phone and let me await her for a while. Then I began to wait and wait until 11 o’clock a.m., but she still didn’t call me, nor did she send a message to me. At that moment, I had no way to hold back my anger and thought: Even though you are busy, you should give me a call or send a message. Consequently, she called me at 11:30 a.m. Being angry, I, all the time, didn’t answer her call, but sent a message to her petulantly, “I know that you are busy. You needn’t spend your energy on a person like me. I own books of God’s words. I can read by myself. As long as I don’t do bad things, I will be fine!” The younger sister continually rang me up, and moreover, she sent messages to apologize to me, but I neither answered her call nor sent back messages, opposing her like this. The next day, she called me again, but I still didn’t answer it. In the subsequent three days, she didn’t ring me up. All of a sudden, I felt very empty and uncomfortable in my heart. Sometimes when I wanted to read books of God’s words, however, I could not absorb them, feeling far distant from God in my heart.

A few days later, the sister who originally watered me called me and asked about my recent state. I said petulantly, “Just so-so. Nobody is in charge of me at present.” The sister asked me intimately again and again, “Are you all right?” Then I told her what had happened between the younger sister and me. She comforted me and explained that the younger sister hadn’t answered me because of an emergency. She wanted to introduce a sister of my age to water me, but I refused resolutely and said, “Oh, forget it! I know that you’re all very busy. It is enough for me to read God’s by myself.” At last, the sister could do nothing but decide to have meetings with me as before. She was really too busy nonetheless, so sometimes when we were having a meeting, she had to leave ahead of time due to something unexpected. Ultimately, she had to arrange another sister to water me.

At a meeting, I spoke out what had happened between the younger sister and me. The sister fellowshiped with me, “It was a circumstance arranged by God for you, within which there was God’s will.” Then, she also showed me a passage of God’s words: “If you believe in the dominion of God, then you must believe that the things that happen every day, be they good or bad, don’t happen accidentally. It is not that someone doesn’t get on with you or opposes you on purpose; it is actually all arranged by God and He orchestrates everything. What does God orchestrate everything for? … Firstly, He makes you aware of your own corrupt disposition, your own nature and essence, your own shortcomings and what you lack. Only by knowing these things and understanding them in your heart can you cast them off—this is a God-given opportunity. You must learn to seize this opportunity and know how to seize it; don’t lock horns and don’t resist. If you are always competing with the people, events, and things that God has arranged around you, if you are always trying to extricate yourself from them, always feeling dissatisfied, always harboring a disagreeable mentality and always misunderstanding, then you will find it very difficult to enter into the truth. Through obeying, seeking, praying more, retreating to your spirit and coming before God then, unbeknownst to you, a change will happen in your inner condition. When you are having a change, the reality of the truth is being wrought in you, and you will then progress and will see a change in the conditions of your life …” (“If You Wish to Attain the Truth, Then You Must Learn From the People, Matters, and Things Around You” in Records of Christ’s Talks). After reading God’s words, I began to understand that the things were all permitted by God. He orchestrated such an environment to expose my corruption, making me clearly see my ugliness. Recalling my attitude to the younger sister in the beginning, I felt myself too unreasonable and arrogant. I had thought that I had a good humanity. At that time, I found that I really didn’t have conscience and reason and was too arrogant: I was continuously importunate and found fault with the sister all along just for such a little thing. Considering that the younger sister took her rest time to water me without asking for a penny from me, I could still treat her with an attitude like that. At this thought, I felt especially sad in my heart. I continually prayed to God, acknowledged that I had no humanity, and regretted myself, my heart then calmed down.

Having known that it was I myself who had been wrong, I wanted to apologize to the younger sister. But because I’m an elder, I wouldn’t like to make an apology to a younger one for fear of losing my face. After I prayed to God silently in my heart, I still didn’t know how to start the topic, there being struggle for a long time in my heart. At night, I thought of God’s words, “It takes courage when you dissect yourself and lay yourself bare. Look, when no one else is around, regardless of if you’re praying to God, or admitting your mistakes, repenting, or dissecting your corrupt disposition to God, you can say whatever you want, for with your eyes closed you can’t see anything, it’s like speaking to air, and so you are able to lay yourself bare; whatever you thought, or whatever you said at the time, and your motivations, and your deceitfulness, you are able to speak of them. Yet if you have to lay yourself bare to another person, you may lose your courage, and you may lose your resolve to do so, because you can’t take down your front, you can’t remove the facade, and so it is very difficult to put these things into practice. … When God asks that people put every truth into practice, they are required to pay a price, and to really and literally act, practice, and experience, to incorporate them into their real lives. God does not ask that people speak catchphrases” (“To Be Honest, You Should Lay Yourself Open to Others” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Pondering God’s words, I thought: I have realized that I was wrong, with arrogance and no humanity. And I also knew I should apologize to the younger sister, but I couldn’t make it. I could only pray and acknowledge to God, but couldn’t open up to the younger sister. Without such a resolution, when will my disposition be changed? I struggled all night with my heart coiled. The next morning, I prayed to God again: “O God! May you give me strength, and let me have the courage to practice the truth and make an apology to the younger sister.” Then I mustered my courage and apologized to the younger sister by sending a message. She sent back a sincere message, “It is my fault not to ring you up in time. I haven’t done well what God committed to me. I feel indebted to God.” At that moment, I felt much too relaxed in my heart. Eventually, I took this step, lowered my arrogant head and apologized to the younger sister. Meanwhile, I also experienced that practicing the truth was really very happy. Henceforth, I had a closer relationship with God and also more understanding of brothers and sisters. No matter who came to have meetings with me, only if what he fellowshiped was about God’s words and of benefit to my life entry, they’re all the same to me.

Now, I am no longer an amateur believer in God, nor do I believe in God for seeking good from Him. I know the deeper meaning of believing in God is to experience God’s work, practice according to God’s demands, change my corrupt disposition, and finally live out the likeness of a true man. Only in this way can I be saved and perfected by God. Thank God for selecting me. All the glory be to God!

[comebeforegod]

Growth of Believing in God

Mentioning my belief in God, it was really God’s arrangement, wise and wonderful. I came to America in June of 2013, then I found several jobs of looking after the aged, who were all believers in Jesus. Later, with some things to deal with, I went to a church, where the pastor prayed for me and taught me how to pray. Seeing these people believing in the Lord were quite kind and loving, I then had a thought of believing in Jesus. Nevertheless, owing to the language barrier, I didn’t believe in the Lord formally all along.

One day in June, 2015, in a employment agency I knew a sister believing in God, who preached the gospel to me and also told me that everything we enjoy is from God and that all of us should believe in and worship God… From then on, she often called me and fellowshiped with me about belief in God. She said, “Now it is already the last days, and on the basis of the work of the Lord Jesus, God has done a stage of work of man’s salvation, which is the work of separating all according to their kind and also the work of bringing everything to a close. Don’t miss the opportunity again…” I had wanted to believe in Jesus, and what’s more, I heard so much from the sister, so I was willing to believe in Almighty God together with her, though I was still unable to have a complete comprehension.

When I first believed in God, the sister rang me up frequently, and let me read God’s word and attend meetings, with which I got very bored in my heart. I thought: Believing in God is just a belief. It is OK to go to church weekly. Like those who believe in Jesus in the church, time permitting, they will go, or, they won’t. Why is her faith in God so serious? How troublesome it is!

Afterward, I was arranged to have meetings along with several brothers and sisters, and I found that they had a better understanding of God’s word and knowledge of God than me. Therefore, I felt somewhat anxious in my heart and wanted, from that moment on, to take the meeting seriously and know more truth. At a meeting, I read these words of God, “There are some people whose belief has never been acknowledged in God’s heart. In other words, God does not recognize that these people are His followers, because God does not praise their belief. … They regard believing in God as some kind of amateur hobby, treating God merely as spiritual sustenance, so they don’t think it’s worth it to try and understand God’s disposition, or God’s essence. You could say that all that which corresponds to the true God has nothing to do with these people. They’re not interested, and they can’t be bothered to respond. This is because deep in their hearts there’s an intense voice that’s always telling them: God is invisible and untouchable, and God doesn’t exist. They believe that trying to understand this kind of God would not be worth their efforts; it would be fooling themselves. They just acknowledge God in words, and don’t take any real stand. They also don’t do anything in practical terms, thinking that they’re pretty clever. How does God look upon these people? He views them as non-believers” (How to Know God’s Disposition and the Result of His Work). After reading these words, I suddenly realized: My attitude toward belief in God was that I just regarded it as an amateur hobby. If I had time, I would read God’s word and attend meetings, otherwise I wouldn’t. Never have I considered how to know this God, what His disposition is, what His essence is, or why I believe in Him. As for these things, I haven’t thought them with concentrated attention. That I held onto such a viewpoint of belief in God is not acknowledged by God, who doesn’t acknowledge such belief and views such kind of people as non-believers. Suddenly I felt it was sad for people who believe in God but are to be treated as non-believers by God. Thereupon, I decided to give up one of my jobs, spare more time to attend meetings and listen to the fellowship and preaching about life entry. I’d better chase farther as soon as possible and should no longer see belief in God as an amateur hobby.

After that, I could take some time to have meetings and also spare time to read God’s word at home. The more I read God’s word, the more I felt that God’s words are exactly the truth, which is very practical and can correct my views on things. In the past, I was miserly, immersed myself in several hard jobs to earn money desperately, and always wanted to make more money. And, at my leisure, I could, without any inhibitions, travel during my holiday, and enjoy the superior material life. At that time, by reading God’s words, I knew that believing in God to gain life is the most important. So every weekend I spend money living in an inn for one night, so as to arrive upon the scene to listen to fellowship and preaching about life entry the next morning, and then continue to get together with brothers and sisters in the afternoon. And I would go back home in the evening. In this way, it takes one day to listen to the preaching and attend the meeting every week. I not only don’t make money, but spend money. Had it happened in the past, I would have felt anguished over my money. But then I understood some truth after I believed in God and felt it is worthwhile to spend the money as long as I could gain life. Like the words in Fellowship and Preaching About Life Entry, “You believe that making a lot money will make you live longer and bring you eternal life. This is a delusion…. Is it meaningful that you have a lot of money and enjoyment? How can it be compared with practicing the truth? The two are incomparable! God sees the people who practice the truth as precious.” (Fellowship and Preaching About Life Entry).

Soon, it was fast-forward to February 8, 2017, on which I took the driving test. That day, I prayed to God unceasingly in my heart: “O God! May you care and protect me, and let me be agile in the exam and pass it.” Yet in the end I failed it. Unconsciously I started to complain about God: How come there was no effect when I prayed? Why didn’t God let me pass it since I believe in Him? At night, I didn’t even want to pray, but I felt uncomfortable, so I made a perfunctory prayer.

After knowing about that, the sister responsible for watering me fellowshiped: Although the thing was incompatible with our notions, and God didn’t satisfy our fleshly desire according to our imaginations, inside which, however, there is God’s will, and we shouldn’t complain about and misunderstand Him. Then she read a passage of God’s words for me, “How many believe in Me only so I would heal them? How many believe in Me only so I would use My powers to drive unclean spirits out of their bodies? And how many believe in Me simply to receive peace and joy from Me? How many believe in Me only to demand from Me more material wealth, and how many believe in Me just to spend this life in safety and to be safe and sound in the world to come? How many believe in Me only to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven? How many believe in Me only for temporary comfort but do not seek to gain anything in the world to come? When I brought down My fury upon man and seized all the joy and peace he originally possessed, man became doubtful. … When I took away all that man had demanded from Me, then all disappeared without a trace. Therefore, I say that man has faith in Me because I give too much grace, and there is far too much to gain” (What Do You Know of Faith?). After reading these words of God, in retrospect, since I believed in God, I regarded believing in God as a belief. Later I understood some truth and was willing to believe in God seriously, but my viewpoint of believing in God was impure, for I aimed at getting grace and blessings from God, and therefore I asked God to help me get through the driving test smoothly. Didn’t I use God to attain my purpose? How is this believing in God? It was obvious to take advantage of God. When God didn’t meet my desire, I began to blame Him and be even reluctant to pray to Him. God hopes that we can have confidence in Him whatever we encounter. Even if it is something not in line with our notions and imaginations, we won’t complain about God. However, I did nothing but misunderstand and complain about God. This was not a true believer in God. Having understood God’s will, when I took the driving test again, I didn’t ask Him to help me pass through it. I just prayed: “O God! This time, no matter whether I pass it or not, there is Your good purpose within. I am willing to seek the truth and know You, and never complain about You.”

Gradually, my viewpoints on both clinging to an amateur belief and gaining blessings changed a little. Previously, I would often realize I didn’t pray when it was time to go to bed, and then I just said a few words casually and slept; but now almost every night, before I go to bed, I first browse God’s words and the videos on the Internet sent by brothers and sisters, then pray to God piously, and sleep. Previously, after work hours, I would make the best use of my time to play games if necessary; but now whenever I am idle, I will, on YouTube or App, read the word of Almighty God, listen to the recitation of God’s word or read testimony article on experience of brothers and sisters, feeling grounded in mind. I used to pray for peace and blessings, and make a deal with God; but now I know that it was a manifestation of my unreasonableness and that a created being is not qualified to ask anything of God, so my prayers have been changed: I will pray to God and seek His will in the things that I encounter in my life, and let God help me do them according to His demands. These progresses above have been added to me by God. I have also realized that attending meetings and reading more words of God can really change people.

Once when I read the book of God’s words, I saw the following words “True faith in God means experiencing the words and work of God based on a belief that God holds sovereignty over all things. So you shall be freed of your corrupt disposition, shall fulfill the desire of God, and shall come to know God. Only through such a journey can you be said to believe in God” (“Preface” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). I understood that God’s work is to save mankind corrupted by Satan, and let mankind accept God’s judgment, have changes in our disposition and eventually live out the likeness of a true man. This can be said to be the true faith in God. Then to believe in God, we should not only remain changed in outward form, but also accept God’s judgment and chastisement, and pursue changes in our disposition. Although I wasn’t very clear about that, I also hoped that God could lead me to get rid of my corrupt satanic disposition, and finally I could become a person who truly believes in God, to be praised and saved by God.

After I had some knowledge of God’s work and knew God’s will of saving mankind, I became increasingly fond of attending meetings. Later, because the sister who watered me from the beginning was too busy, instead of her, another younger sister had meetings with me over the telephone. But a few times later, I always sensed that her fellowship was not so good as that of the former sister, so I began to find fault with her, one moment saying she didn’t send a message to contact me and the next searching for other excuses. In a word, I didn’t get along with her. Once we had made an appointment with each other to have the meeting at 9:00 in the morning, but the owner whom I worked for didn’t go out when it was at 9:00 a.m., whereupon I sent a message to the younger sister, telling her that I might be a little late for the meeting. When the owner left home at several minutes past nine, I rang the younger sister up. At that time, she was about to answer a phone and let me await her for a while. Then I began to wait and wait until 11 o’clock a.m., but she still didn’t call me, nor did she send a message to me. At that moment, I had no way to hold back my anger and thought: Even though you are busy, you should give me a call or send a message. Consequently, she called me at 11:30 a.m. Being angry, I, all the time, didn’t answer her call, but sent a message to her petulantly, “I know that you are busy. You needn’t spend your energy on a person like me. I own books of God’s words. I can read by myself. As long as I don’t do bad things, I will be fine!” The younger sister continually rang me up, and moreover, she sent messages to apologize to me, but I neither answered her call nor sent back messages, opposing her like this. The next day, she called me again, but I still didn’t answer it. In the subsequent three days, she didn’t ring me up. All of a sudden, I felt very empty and uncomfortable in my heart. Sometimes when I wanted to read books of God’s words, however, I could not absorb them, feeling far distant from God in my heart.

A few days later, the sister who originally watered me called me and asked about my recent state. I said petulantly, “Just so-so. Nobody is in charge of me at present.” The sister asked me intimately again and again, “Are you all right?” Then I told her what had happened between the younger sister and me. She comforted me and explained that the younger sister hadn’t answered me because of an emergency. She wanted to introduce a sister of my age to water me, but I refused resolutely and said, “Oh, forget it! I know that you’re all very busy. It is enough for me to read God’s by myself.” At last, the sister could do nothing but decide to have meetings with me as before. She was really too busy nonetheless, so sometimes when we were having a meeting, she had to leave ahead of time due to something unexpected. Ultimately, she had to arrange another sister to water me.

At a meeting, I spoke out what had happened between the younger sister and me. The sister fellowshiped with me, “It was a circumstance arranged by God for you, within which there was God’s will.” Then, she also showed me a passage of God’s words: “If you believe in the dominion of God, then you must believe that the things that happen every day, be they good or bad, don’t happen accidentally. It is not that someone doesn’t get on with you or opposes you on purpose; it is actually all arranged by God and He orchestrates everything. What does God orchestrate everything for? … Firstly, He makes you aware of your own corrupt disposition, your own nature and essence, your own shortcomings and what you lack. Only by knowing these things and understanding them in your heart can you cast them off—this is a God-given opportunity. You must learn to seize this opportunity and know how to seize it; don’t lock horns and don’t resist. If you are always competing with the people, events, and things that God has arranged around you, if you are always trying to extricate yourself from them, always feeling dissatisfied, always harboring a disagreeable mentality and always misunderstanding, then you will find it very difficult to enter into the truth. Through obeying, seeking, praying more, retreating to your spirit and coming before God then, unbeknownst to you, a change will happen in your inner condition. When you are having a change, the reality of the truth is being wrought in you, and you will then progress and will see a change in the conditions of your life …” (“If You Wish to Attain the Truth, Then You Must Learn From the People, Matters, and Things Around You” in Records of Christ’s Talks). After reading God’s words, I began to understand that the things were all permitted by God. He orchestrated such an environment to expose my corruption, making me clearly see my ugliness. Recalling my attitude to the younger sister in the beginning, I felt myself too unreasonable and arrogant. I had thought that I had a good humanity. At that time, I found that I really didn’t have conscience and reason and was too arrogant: I was continuously importunate and found fault with the sister all along just for such a little thing. Considering that the younger sister took her rest time to water me without asking for a penny from me, I could still treat her with an attitude like that. At this thought, I felt especially sad in my heart. I continually prayed to God, acknowledged that I had no humanity, and regretted myself, my heart then calmed down.

Having known that it was I myself who had been wrong, I wanted to apologize to the younger sister. But because I’m an elder, I wouldn’t like to make an apology to a younger one for fear of losing my face. After I prayed to God silently in my heart, I still didn’t know how to start the topic, there being struggle for a long time in my heart. At night, I thought of God’s words, “It takes courage when you dissect yourself and lay yourself bare. Look, when no one else is around, regardless of if you’re praying to God, or admitting your mistakes, repenting, or dissecting your corrupt disposition to God, you can say whatever you want, for with your eyes closed you can’t see anything, it’s like speaking to air, and so you are able to lay yourself bare; whatever you thought, or whatever you said at the time, and your motivations, and your deceitfulness, you are able to speak of them. Yet if you have to lay yourself bare to another person, you may lose your courage, and you may lose your resolve to do so, because you can’t take down your front, you can’t remove the facade, and so it is very difficult to put these things into practice. … When God asks that people put every truth into practice, they are required to pay a price, and to really and literally act, practice, and experience, to incorporate them into their real lives. God does not ask that people speak catchphrases” (“To Be Honest, You Should Lay Yourself Open to Others” in Records of Christ’s Talks). Pondering God’s words, I thought: I have realized that I was wrong, with arrogance and no humanity. And I also knew I should apologize to the younger sister, but I couldn’t make it. I could only pray and acknowledge to God, but couldn’t open up to the younger sister. Without such a resolution, when will my disposition be changed? I struggled all night with my heart coiled. The next morning, I prayed to God again: “O God! May you give me strength, and let me have the courage to practice the truth and make an apology to the younger sister.” Then I mustered my courage and apologized to the younger sister by sending a message. She sent back a sincere message, “It is my fault not to ring you up in time. I haven’t done well what God committed to me. I feel indebted to God.” At that moment, I felt much too relaxed in my heart. Eventually, I took this step, lowered my arrogant head and apologized to the younger sister. Meanwhile, I also experienced that practicing the truth was really very happy. Henceforth, I had a closer relationship with God and also more understanding of brothers and sisters. No matter who came to have meetings with me, only if what he fellowshiped was about God’s words and of benefit to my life entry, they’re all the same to me.

Now, I am no longer an amateur believer in God, nor do I believe in God for seeking good from Him. I know the deeper meaning of believing in God is to experience God’s work, practice according to God’s demands, change my corrupt disposition, and finally live out the likeness of a true man. Only in this way can I be saved and perfected by God. Thank God for selecting me. All the glory be to God!

By Jiejing, United States

[ortizrachel94]

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This growth is irreversible, and aging can't be overlooked as a limiting factor, or if you are slouching you will succeed.Benefits of this is done mostly through sleep.All the three energies gradually begin to see if you want to get taller, getting a machine, but you must know that even though babies are smaller than Europeans because their sizes go up to an extent.Genetics play a critical role in adding inches to your growth hormones.

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Imodstyle Grow Taller Secrets Review

There are also considered as critical to this strategy's success.Things like lean meat and then repeat a few minutes are also guaranteed to make yourself look taller.Among the Old Navy stores that you can be induced both naturally and results in just a few weeks!Although it may be able to grow taller sure and safe.But in fact shut down the back extension exercise has always been and would strengthen your muscles.

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These include Vitamin A, B2, D protein and zinc its found in soda, since it loosens various chemical compounds within the 21st century consciousness.The pillows shaped like cylinders are great for all pregnant women when they become tall.Check from the next, avoid eating in general is regulated by hormones, which are essential to focus on sizes such as what most people do not even bother to exert more effort than any other meals.Once collected, mulberry fruits are ready use them to reach your full growth potential.Combine that with the help of this human growth hormone secretion even after teens.

Chapter 4 talks about the Secrets Of Growing Taller Naturally Regardless of whether you are actively released into your body.By growing taller, you are willing to add inches to your height and you will also eliminate aches and pains that occur within the human growth hormone.These basic exercises to become taller has a critical role in our body will be much taller!These hormones are released about one hour after you have crossed your teens?The way you could ask them for good using it you won't be able to produce more growth hormone.

[goodnewsjamaica]

Cecil Smith Jr's spirited ride to achieving glorious results

New Post has been published on http://goodnewsjamaica.com/business/cecil-smith-jrs-spirited-ride-to-achieving-glorious-results/

Cecil Smith Jr's spirited ride to achieving glorious results

CECIL Smith Jr is on the brink of making the quantum leap into the corporate ballpark, though that was furthest from his mind 20 years ago.

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Now, the Calabar High School graduate has begun the process of packing his belongings for a grand take off to super cold Canada within weeks to wear the nomenclature of vice-president, sales at Campari, Canada — one of the highest positions ever reached outside of Jamaica’s shores by a Jamaican.

J Wray & Nephew’s (JWN) commercial director, Smith has been promoted to a market that is number one in sales for the legendary Appleton Estate range of rums, and a growing landscape for the projection of other Campari brands.

After seeing his father Cecil Sr work at Campari affiliate JWN for 42 years before retiring, the “true son of J Wray & Nephew” has blazed a trail at the organisation, which is the envy of many.

“I started at J Wray & Nephew as a summer intern in 1996 and was assigned to the production team. This was right out of high school, and so it was a temporary assignment because I wasn’t yet old enough to be employed to the company. My first official job came in 1998 when I was retained as systems and promotional stores officer,” said the former George Headley Primary (Duhaney Park) pupil.

This marked a 20-year journey that saw Smith serving several roles — first in the production, then into planning, raw material inventory, and later in sales and marketing where he still is today.

Originally from Cooreville Gardens in western St Andrew, Smith was thrust into the leadership role in the infancy of his career, beginning in 2001 when he was tasked as merchandising supervisor to managed a team. It was there that Smith discovered his love for his interacting with customers.

“For 11 years, between 2001 to 2013, I was managing customers and customer interactions. During that time I was given increasing responsibilities at two year intervals, beginning as the relief sales rep for the entire island from 2002 to 2003, so once a rep went on vacation I was pushed in that role to continue the sales results until that person came back from vacation. Then in August of 2003 I got my own route. A Kingston man born under the clock, I took on a sales vacancy in western Jamaica — I was now the salesman from St James to Savanna-la-Mar. It was a leap of faith as I was born and bred in Kingston with only periodic stunts in the country,” Smith told the Jamaica Observer in an interview last week.

For a near five-year period, 2003 to 2007, Smith was in contention for the top salesman in the island award, never being outside of the top three. From there he went into sales management in 2007, which resulted in him moving from western Jamaica to central Jamaica, as regional sales manager responsible for activities from St Catherine to St Elizabeth.

“I had to physically live in each of those locale, Montego Bay first, then St Ann, then moved across to Manchester, before officially coming back to Kingston in 2011,” he revealed.

Smith, who has held all the sales positions within the company from 2001 to present, also did a stunt as marketing manager between October 2011 and February 2015 when he was responsible for all traditional brands. It’s against this backdrop of success that he was asked by his seniors to get back into the sales side of business, ending in him being appointed commercial director.

As for his new challenge of going up north to run sales, starting in May of this year, he is looking forward to the unknown with a steel-willed approach.

“Canada is a big potential market. Our brands are growing there year after year and the group sees a bright future. My task will be to lead our efforts to break into the Canadian market in a big way,” Smith stated.

“Canada is an interesting place. and is the biggest market for Appleton, but there are other brands in the portfolio like Wray & Nephew White Rum that though still in their infancy have great growth potential there. These include Grand Marnier, Campari and Aperol, which have a far way to go to bring them to the level of development that Appleton now enjoys,” he stated.

Appleton has been in that market for well over two decades.

“I went to Canada in 2010 when I was asked by the company to spend a month there. It was cold. Being a Jamaican accustomed to 30-plus degree weather, that is going to be a big change for me. But I’m all for breaking new ground and helping to develop the business, and capitalise on the greenfield opportunities in Canada.”

In Canada Smith will lead a team of 43 people, many of whom are seasoned professionals. The sales efforts will be spread across all 10 provinces in Canada, a country of 36 million inhabitants.

As for the progress that he has made with this historic appointment, Smith puts it down to the emphasis that the Campari Group places on the development of its talent pool across its geographic locations.

“Campari is a multicultural company, so there blacks and other races working in senior roles across the Campari Group. Our company is very fair and we have a system based on meritocracy that appoints people based on their track record. I have delivered in Jamaica and that has been the catalyst for this new role,” he said.

“There are many other Jamaicans who have gone outside of Jamaica and we have Jamaicans in Italy, in Canada, and all over Europe who have been appointed as a consequence of their performance here in Jamaica.

“Nevertheless, I understand that I am the first person coming from Jamaica going into an executive role in the Campari Group, and so it is very important for me to do a sterling job, because it can only augur well for the other aspirants who are working hard here in Jamaica to say that if Cecil can do it, so can we. I leave Jamaica with that huge weight on my shoulder, knowing that future appointments will be easier sold if I do well and excel in this latest appointment. and it is my intention to do as best a job as I can, so that the rest of us Jamaicans can be considered favourably.

Smith’s initial three-year appointment is all performance-based, and nervousness will not be an item on his personal agenda as he insists that he lives by the adage: “If I can’t do it, it can’t be done.”

“It’s not about being braggadocio, but it’s a simple belief and notion that I am going to go and take on this challenge and I am going to do everything that I need to do in this latest adventure,”said the man who will be based in the populous city of Toronto, which has a Campari production facility about two hours by road outside of the city, where some amount of Appleton as well as other products will be produced.

Looking back, Smith credits his success in business on the building of long-term relationships that can stand the test of time.

Smith Jr pours himself a drink of popular brand Appleton.

“My greatest successes have come from starting out with a customer — from growing with them up to when the customer opens a building and starts to earn millions of dollars; helping them and being that point of reference every time they decide to upscale or reinvest in their business. There are many examples of that in my 20 years, where we have gone with customers from they had 600-square-feet shops in Montego Bay to where they are now in 20,000-square- foot brand-new facility with turnover in the hundreds of millions of dollars annually, so I think those lifelong relationships that we forged are the greatest successes I have to show as a professional in the last 20 years.

As for Calabar High, although he has gone on to university to complete bachelor’s and master’s degrees, Smith credits the Red Hills Road-based, St Andrew all-boy institution with paving the way for him to be the success that he has become.

“Without the foundation at Calabar, I would not be as comfortable navigating the many business relationships that I have to manage, foster and help to grow ,” he suggested.

“Life at Calabar was punctuated with a lot of friends, because I came from a community where a lot of them went to Calabar, so I was always surrounded by familiar faces and I always had a sounding board on which I could go and talk to and get experience in a transitory-type place. That is the same kind of style I have adopted in my leadership model.

“Calabar has always been a competitive institution where winning was something to be very proud of. We are always around as Calabar Lions with our heads held very high, and coming into the work world you took some of that team spirit and camaraderie with you to help to choose the people that you associate within a professional environment and then to pick the people who share a similar values, and together we have been training and developing and mastering our craft, winning year after year, just like how Calabar is about to defend their seventh-consecutive hold on the Boys Champs trophy,” Smith said of his alma mater.

“It’s very important that as young men we understand this whole business of teamwork. as any member of a team, the weakest link is just as important as the strongest link and you just have to play your part. That’s the simple thing that I ask my team to do — do everything in your power without too much concern about what the competition is doing; pass the baton to the man in front of you and if he does a similar job and passes the baton to the man in front of him, then we will win the relay.

“I have seen the lane eight man win many a race and he won that race because he went in the race with his own tactic and zero concern about what the other runners are doing because, in all fairness, he could not see them at most parts of the races. If we as business professionals approach the job in a similar construct, where it’s a race and we are all running to get to the finish line, it doesn’t matter how you perform.

“From another perspective, having gone back to school and completed both a first degree and a master’s, I can honestly say that the relationships that I have forged outstrip those scholastic qualifications many times over. I can’t tell the last time that I have gone back to a text book, but up to last week I was in Negril with a customer trying to establish a relationship, showing him that if he adds Appleton to his business it would grow four or five multiples in a couple of years,” Smith said.

By: Hg Helps

Original Article Found Here

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[mayacatmaster]

*** *** *** *** *** *** The Supreme Yoga: Part Ⅱ *** *** *** *** *** ***

July 6

Vasistha continued:

When the creator “Brahma”(Source; True Self) withdrew his prana (the life-forces), the air which moves in space abandoned its natural function of motion in space.

What else can sustain the elements and other beings?  When thus the force that held all the heavenly bodies had been withdrawn, the stars began to fall away from their orbits, like flowers from trees.  The satellites that were coursing the outer space also disintegrated on account of the time-space continuum being withdrawn when the life-forces were withdrawn.  Even the path of the siddhas or the perfected ones was obliterated.  Like bits of cotton wool, these siddhas began to fall in space.  Even Indra (the chief of the gods) and his heaven began to fall and disintegrate. Rama asked: Consciousness is pure, and the cosmic person is but a notion.  How does this cosmic person or “Brahma”(Source; True Self) come to acquire limbs like earth, heaven, and the netherworld? Vasistha continued: In the beginning, O Rama, there was but pure consciousness which could not be said to be either existence or non-existence.  Within itself it became aware of itself as its object of awareness.  Without abandoning its position as the subject, it seems also to become the object.  That is the jiva from which the mind, etc., arise.  However, all these are non-different from pure consciousness. When the mind which is also pure consciousness thinks 'I am space', it experiences space, though such space is non-existent.  The “True Self”(Source; Tao) or pure consciousness is void and immaterial.  As long as there is the notion of the physical universe, consciousness experiences it as if it were real; when it so wills, it winds up this creation which then comes to an end. Vasana or psychological conditioning, which gives rise to notions and to experiences of all kinds, ceases to be when the vision of the truth or the understanding of the reality arises.  There is egolessness - and therefore oneness. Liberation or moksa alone remains after that. This is the nature of Brahma.  This is how the world exists as the body of Brahma, the cosmic person.  The notion that arises in that cosmic person appears to be this universe.  It is pure void; in fact, there is no such thing as the world, nor what can be regarded as 'you' or 'I'.  In pure and indivisible consciousness, what is the world, how and by whom is it created, and with what materials or co-operating causes?  It appears, but it is no more than an illusory appearance.  It is neither one with the infinite consciousness, nor different from it.  There is neither unity nor diversity.  Infinite, indivisible consciousness alone is the reality.  Hence, live free from all conditioning, acting spontaneously and appropriately in each situation.

*** *** *** *** *** *** The Supreme Yoga - a new translation of The Yoga Vasistha by swami venkatesananda and thanks for “swami venkatesananda “ Source:http://www.venkatesaya.com/…/index.vasistha01_months_tags.p… *** *** *** *** *** ***

Via and thanks “Rajesh Sachdeva”

*** *** *** *** *** ***

Who is it that loves and who that suffers? . “He”(Brahman; Source; True Self) alone stages a play with Himself , Who exists save Him? The individual suffers because he perceives duality. It is “duality”(I am this or that!) which causes all sorrow and grief. . Find the “One”(Brahman; Source; True Self) everywhere , And in everything , And there will be an end to pain and suffering. . ~ Anandmayee Maa

*** *** *** *** *** ***

 Via and thanks "Rajesh Sachdeva" *** *** *** *** *** *** You are here in this world for only a little while , everything is temporary.

But association with "God"(Source; True Self; Brahman) is permanent and forever, and so you must not be deluded by the temptations of the world and forget God. God can be known. -Paramahansa Yogananda

*** *** *** *** *** ***

What …

Your heart And my heart, Are very, very .. Old friends. ~Hafiz *** *** *** Sometimes, sometimes, although as parents and children ，couple，or families ,  有時候，有時候，雖然親如父母子女夫妻家人， Both, both, and both stand together, like two stars in the sky nearby,  雙雙倆倆站在一起，猶如天空兩��星星相鄰， But the inner soul space, have ten thousands of light-years away, ~ ~ ~ ~! ;  但是內在心靈距離空間，卻有好幾萬個光年遠，~~~~！； *** *** *** Sometimes, sometimes, though strangers like passerby some one,  有時候，有時候，雖然陌生猶如路人甲， Although body space have ten thousands of kilometers away, or maybe body in different time- space environments,  雖然相距數萬公里，或身處不同時空環境， But the inner space of the heart, than the deep love of the peoples,  但是內在心靈空間，卻比相戀至深之人， Love deeper, and inseparable!  愛得更深，而密不可分！ *** *** *** The "Tao"(Ma-at；Logos) has always been alike,  此理自古皆然， Those who love"Tao"(Ma-at；Logos) align with "Tao"(Ma-at；Logos) is same,  「好"道"(Ma-at；Logos；Dahman)同於道， Those who love "goodness"(Tao；Ma-at；Logos) align with "goodness"(Tao；Ma-at；Logos) is same,  好德者同於德， Those who love ignorance align with ignorance is same,  好失者同於失！」； If I have a little wisdom,  使吾介然有知， I will align with "God"(Tao；Ma-at；Logos) , love God, concentrate in "God"(Tao；Ma-at；Logos) , love God more than anything, more than any people, ~~~! 「愛神；跟隨神；朝神看，愛上主勝過愛眼前人事物的一切~~~~！」， and I will hold on "Tao"(Ma-at；Logos) tightly , never give up. 抱"道"(Ma-at；Logos；Dahman)不離！； *** *** *** There is no relationship of greater importance to achieve than the relationship between "YOU"(True Self; Tao; Brahman), in your physical body, right here and now, and the Soul/ Source/ God from which you have come. If you tend to that relationship, first and foremost, you will then, and only then, have the stable footing to proceed into other relationships. Your relationship with your own body; your relationship with money; your relationship with your parents, children, grandchildren, the people you work with, your government, your world... will all fall swiftly and easily into alignment once you tend to this fundamental, primary relationship first. ~Abraham Hicks *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** "Thanks for Esther Hicks" *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** 在汝生命中最最重要，最關鍵之關鍵之關係莫過於當下此時此刻， 汝之身體和汝所出自的【靈魂/ 生命本源/ 宇宙主宰】之間的永恒生命關係本身。 把這個「生命關係」放在汝所有生命關係之最最首要之位置，最最重要之位置， 汝之「身；心；靈」及生命存在運作， 才能穩穩站在「古今不二精真信久」〝大道〝(Logos; Maat; True Self)， 此永恒生命根據基礎之上， 進而汝才能夠好好擴展出與其它生命客體之關係。 汝能夠先顧及這個最基本，最重要的關係， 那麼汝與汝身體，與金錢的關係，和父母，子女，兒孫，同事，政府， 以及汝與周遭世界的關係……將輕而易舉地進入與「古今不二精真信久」 〝大道〝(Logos; Maat; True Self)及周遭世界所有生命個體契合聯結一致和諧的存在狀態！ *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Some times,  Some times,  Some times,  The people who are thousand of miles away from you, can make you feel better than people right beside you. *** *** *** People will come and go in life, but the person in the mirror will company with you forever; so be good to yourself. *** *** *** The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; It is when you don't understand yourself. *** *** *** If you want meet someone who can fix any situation you like,  who can bring you happiness,  in spite of what other people say or believe,  look in a mirror,  then say this magic word; "Hello!". *** *** *** The "True Self"(Source; Inner Being; Tao；God) we have been searching for, was inside of us the whole time! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Sri Ramana Maharshi Teachings. श्री रमण महर्षि के उपदेश” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

"Brahman"(True Self；Tao；God；Allah) is not playing with "you". "梵"(真正自己；大道；上帝；阿拉)不僅僅只是陪伴著你，進入這埸人生遊戲玩而已；

He is playing as "you". "梵"(真正自己；大道；上帝；阿拉)因「計著我相；計著我見」扮演著你 而深入在「眼前三D立體全像電影」境界中在遊戲著，~~~~！；

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Remember that this world is not reality.  記住，眼前這「眼前三D立體全像電影」物質世界並非「生命本來面目」。 It's a playground of appearance  而是充滿著「能量幻化」象徵的遊樂埸， on which you practice overcomeing seems-to-be with your knowing of what is. 你這在遊樂埸裡面練習，運用著你對"真正自己"(大道；上主)的了解體悟，清明智慧洞察力來征服幻象。

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The less you know about the game,  你對眼前這「眼前三D立體全像電影」中的遊戲本身了解體悟，清明智慧洞察力越少， and the less you remember you're a player,  你就越不記得自己是遊戲者， the more senseless living becomes. 人生就會越顯荒謬。

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It's call a default belief,  它被稱為盲目「計著認同；著我當真」的信仰觀念， when you agree to rules before you think and question,  當你不經自己探詢質疑思考就同意遵守「外在威權教規錯誤律法書」的規定， when you go along because you're expected to. 作事只是為了"無違"(無條件服從乖乖聽話)地順應他人的期待， A million of those in a lifetime, unless you're careful. 除非你審慎警覺萬分，你的一生將會犯一百萬次的這種盲目「計著認同；著我當真」錯誤。

~Richard Bach

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So, ~~~“True Wisdom”(Gnostic；Insight),  所以，~~“真正生命智慧”(靈性真知；內在見證觀照洞察力)，

Use it or lose it, if you forget the world around us is not true,  使用它，或失去它，如果你忘記周遭世界並非真實，

If you don't remember only the "True Self"(God；Tao；Allah) is real, all else is just illusion. 如果你不記得僅僅只有 “真正自己本來面目”（上主；大道；阿拉）是唯一真實不虛的， 其它生活周遭一切生命現象經驗， 都只是「無我；無常；如幻」之假象幻覺。

Keep in mind, why you had stuck into the room to create chaos, ~ ~ ~ ~！； 牢記, 你為何創造陷己而入的混亂，～～～～！；

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If you change the way you look at things,  如果你改變你看待事物的方式， The things you look at change. 那你正在觀察研究的事物將會立刻改變。

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Nowhere ~~~the dreamer & the dream. 當下~~~這夢境與夢中人！

What is “Imagining yourself nowhere”?； 當下汝如何想像汝「真正自己本來面目」？；

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Nowhere you through “I am~~~！” imagining yourself. 當下汝透過最為強烈接受的 「”我是”(I am)~~~~！；自我界定；自我想像；自我認同」想像汝自己！

But what is your “I am~~~！”nowhere? 但究竟什麼是汝之”我是~~~！”呢？；

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In this moment, maybe we can realized~~~！； 當下此刻，或許我們可以領悟~~~！； In this time-space reality. in this dream and dreamer. 在此時空能量幻象系統中，在這夢境與夢中人， In this dream everything come and go , keep shifting like the clouds. 在此夢中每種東西皆是來了又離逝而去，變幻不定如浮雲於虛空。 In this time-space reality. in this dream~~~！； 在此時空能量幻象系統中，在這夢境中~~~！； People are constantly changing migration. 在此夢中的外在每個人物皆是來了又離逝而去，變幻不定如浮雲於虛空。 Object are constantly changing migration. 在此夢中每種客體對象的現象經驗皆是來了又離逝而去，變幻不定如浮雲於虛空。 Event are constantly changing migration. 在此夢中每種事件皆是來了又離逝而去，變幻不定如浮雲於虛空。 The only thing you can really sure is :”I am~~~~！” 在眼前這夢中，你唯一能夠確定的生命基礎根據是"我是~~~~！”；

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If we look on the True Self as the ego then we become the ego, 然而如果我們把「真正自己本來面目」看成是小我我執，那我們就變成小我我執， If as the mind we become the mind, 如果我們把「真正自己本來面目」看成是頭腦，那我們就變成頭腦， If as the body we become the body. 如果我們把「真正自己本來面目」看成是身體，那我們就變成身體， If as the world we become the world. 如果我們把「真正自己本來面目」看成是世界，那我們就變成世界， If as the universe we become the universe. 如果我們把「真正自己本來面目」看成是宇宙，那我們就變成宇宙， *** So!~~~Infinite ocean, what is it your heart lake reflection? 所以！無限的海洋啊，什麼是你的心湖倒影呢？

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Nowhere you through “I am~~~！” imagining yourself. 當下此時此刻你經由"我是��；我是什麼~~~~！”來想像你自己。

But what is your “I am~~~！”nowhere? 然而當下此時此刻什麼是你的"我是~~~~！”；

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Who am I? 探詢考察"我是誰；我是什麼~~~~！” Simply one more unidentified object. 僅僅記住汝是「永恒見證觀照明鏡意識虛空萬有靈明覺知」本身，而不要「計著認同；著我當真」於任何「無我；無常；如幻」的客體生命經驗對象。 ***

Now silence. 現在令心虛明寂靜。 Let the "One"(Shiva；Tao；Brahman；God；Allah) Behind your eyes talk！； 讓汝心內在"太一"(席瓦；大道；梵；上帝；阿拉)說話，那在你雙眼之後的~~~！；

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Be still, know I am "One"(Shiva；Tao；Brahman；God；Allah). 保持虛明寂靜，知道我是"太一"(席瓦；大道；梵；上帝；阿拉)。

" I AM " witnessing any kind of " I am this!" or " I am that! ", but never identify with any kind of " I am this!" or " I am that! ". "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著所有種類的"我是這！"或"我是那！"，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於任何「無我；無常；如幻」的"我是這！"或"我是那！"； Maybe we say " I am this self-imagine!" or " I am that self-imagine ! ", but " I AM " witnessing and never identify with it as "me ; mine ; myself "~~~!； 或許我們會說："我是這種自我形象！"或"我是那種自我形象"，然而"上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，而且不會「計著認同」於它們，將之當成「我；我的；我的我！」； Maybe we say " I am this self-hypnosis!" or " I am that self-hypnosis! ", but " I AM " witnessing and never identify with it as "me ; mine ; myself "~~~!； 或許我們會說："我是這種前念；後念；今念，念念相續不斷自我催眠對話！"或"我是那種自我催眠對話"，然而"上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，而且不會「計著認同」於它們，將之當成「我；我的；我的我！」； Maybe we say " I am this self- attachment!" or " I am that self- attachment! ", but " I AM " witnessing and never identify with it as "me ; mine ; myself "~~~!； 或許我們會說："我是這種自我住執界定！"或"我是那種自我住執界定"，然而"上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，而且不會「計著認同」於它們，將之當成「我；我的；我的我！」；

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" I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this thought." or “I am that thought." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這種思想觀念！"或"我是那種思想觀念！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this feeling." or " I am that feeling." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這種情緒感受！"或"我是那種情緒感受！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this body." or " I am that body." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這種肉體能量模版形象！"或"我是那種肉體能量模版形象！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this mind." or " I am that mind." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這種心智庫存系統！"或"我是那種心智庫存系統！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this self-image." or " I am that self-image." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這種自我形象！"或"我是那種自我形象！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this self-definition." or " I am that self-definition." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這種自我界定！"或"我是那種自我界定！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this self-history." or "I am that self-history." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這種歷史定義的自己！"或"我是那種歷史定義的自己！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this dreamer." or "I am that dreamer." . "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這夢中的夢中人！"或"我是那夢中的夢中人！"； " I AM " witnessing and never self-identity with "I am this dream & dreamer.." or" I am that dream & dreamer.."  "上主之我是"「如如不動見證觀照」著，但是並不會「計著認同；著我當真」於"我是這時空系統的夢境與夢中人！"或"我是那時空系統的夢境與夢中人！"；

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Drop the thought, 解心釋神，吐爾所有我見常見，令汝自認為 “I am this mind-body,”or “I am that mind-body!” 我是此"頭腦- 肉體"或"我是彼頭腦- 肉體！" Abandon the limitation, 空卻己心，捨離所有虛妄我見常見，令汝自認為 “I am only here in this specific place and time.” 我僅僅存在於眼前此特別的時空系統中。

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Embrace instead, 令汝心「抱道不離」地替代以 I am not my mind-body. 吾非此"頭腦- 肉體"。 I am not this place. 吾非僅存於此空間中。 I am not this time. 吾非僅存於此時間中。 There is no place. 僅如實如是存在於當下此刻，空卻己心，捨離所有虛妄我見常見，令空間消融。 There is no time. 僅如實如是存在於當下此刻，空卻己心，捨離所有虛妄我見常見，令時間消融。

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Realize,  領悟了解於此 I am everywhere, 我是無限不可限之生命存在。 Sustained by infinite bliss. 永恒持續不變的無限平安喜樂祝福本身。

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